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sentinelpri · 1 year

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Polaroid

Yamato is not above feelings these days. Ever since co-captaining Team Seven with Kakashi Hatake and leaving ANBU for good, he’s learned that it’s okay to live in your feelings a little- whether that be sadness or anger or the array of other emotions he’s allowed himself to dive into headfirst in the last few years.

Yamato knows a lot about his feelings now, including the good ones like happiness, pride, and love. The one that still seems to baffle him, though, is romantic love.

The brunette sits on the rooftop of his apartment in Konohagakure with his favorite polaroid picture in his hand. It’s of Kakashi- a picture that was taken at Naruto’s eighteenth birthday party, held shortly after the end of the fourth ninja war. It was in a massive pile of different pictures taken and when he saw it, since there were plenty of pictures of Kakashi from that night, he swiped it. They were taken on his camera with his film, anyway. Perhaps it’s a little weird that he just has a picture of Kakashi that the Hokage himself doesn’t even know about, but no one knows.

He lovingly strokes a thumb over Kakashi’s face. In the picture, Kakashi is a little drunk but he looks magical with his charcoal eyes and silvery hair on full display and his mask pulled down just far enough for him to take a sip from his wine glass. His lips look soft and lovely, and his jawline is delicate yet defined. Yamato thinks he could stare at the picture forever, let alone Kakashi’s real face.

God, he wishes he could just say something, but these feelings are so complicated. Romantic love is so much more convoluted than the familial love he feels for Team Seven or the platonic love he feels for the few friends he does have. Kakashi is his friend, too, it’s just that it’s always been more than that- at least to Yamato it has.

Suddenly, Yamato feels a tap on his shoulder.

He clutches the picture to his chest and turns to see none other than Sai, who lives just next door to him in their tiny apartment complex. It makes sense that Sai came looking for him, as they’re due for dinner with Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi in just a few minutes. Luckily, they live right down the street from Ichiraku, which is where they’re supposed to meet.

“You just… Keep a picture of Lord Hokage in your pocket?” Sai asks as he sits next to Yamato on the rooftop.

Fuck, Sai already saw it. Yamato groans at that as he realizes that Sai was probably there watching him the whole time. He was just so preoccupied simping over Kakashi that he didn’t notice the former ROOT member right behind him.

“Uh, yes?” Yamato answers because he knows there’s no point in lying.

Maybe he can pass it off as some sort of social custom that’s regularly done with friends or teammates so that Sai won’t go and run his mouth to Kakashi. After leaving ROOT, the ravenette has been pretty bad about telling secrets- not because he means to, but because he doesn’t understand what should and shouldn’t be talked about with other people. If Yamato doesn’t tread carefully with this, his feelings will be made known to Kakashi before the day ends.

“Is that common practice to do with the Hokage?”

“Oh, no, it’s not really a custom or anything like that, it’s just… Something you do with people you care about,” Yamato tries to tactfully explain as he tucks the polaroid back into the breast pocket of his vest.

“People you care about?”

“Yes… Like friends or family, or even a lover.”

“Which of those categories does the Hokage fall into for you?”

Yamato blinks. Really, he considers Kakashi all of those things, at least in his own mind. They’ve been friends for decades and only had each other for a very long time, so family isn’t a reach either, but lovers… As much as Yamato wants that to be the truth, it isn’t. They’re good friends and he doesn’t have the courage to say anything.

“...That’s a great question, Sai, but we’re running late I believe. Why don’t we go to Ichiraku and pick this discussion back up some other time?”

“Alright.”

So, they go to Ichiraku ramen.

When they get there, Sakura and Naruto are already waiting, but Kakashi isn’t. Yamato figures that the other man is just late- because honestly, when is he not? It’s somehow gotten even worse since his promotion to Hokage. They all greet each other and start to chat with Yamato mostly listening as they wait for Ayame to make their food.

After a solid fifteen minutes of waiting, Kakashi finally arrives and cooly sits himself to Yamato’s left. Ayame, seemingly used to Kakashi being late to their outings, has a bowl prepared for him at the same time that she has one prepared for everyone else. They all get their food and start to eat.

Everything seems like it’s going fine. Naruto, Sai, and Sakura are happily catching up while Kakashi and Yamato eat in silence. The two older men spare each other the occasional glance, which makes Yamato’s heart throb uncomfortably, but since it’s been that way for a good twenty years now it’s really nothing new. His anxiety about Sai discovering his secret seems to go away until-

“Naruto, Sakura, do either of you keep a picture of the Hokage in your pocket?” Sai asks, to which Yamato buries his head in his hands.

He has never wanted to cry and scream at the same time like this. Alas, here he is, glaring daggers into Sai as Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi’s faces scrunch up in confusion.

“Uh, no?” Sakura answers first. “I mean, I do keep the first picture we took as a team framed in my room, but… That’s a little different than just keeping it in your pocket all the time.”

“Yeah, what she said!” Naruto answers next. “That’s kind of a weird thing to do, y’know? I like Kakashi-Sensei as much as the next guy, it’s just kinda odd to have a picture of him on hand though. Don’t tell me you’ve been doing that, Sai!”

“Oh, no, I just ask because I saw Yamato with a picture of the Hokage today. I was curious. He said that it was something you do with people you care about, but I wanted your perspectives.”

“Wow! That food was delicious!” Naruto suddenly exclaims, then turns to Sakura and Sai. “Why don’t we all go do literally anything else?”

“That’s a great idea!” Sakura replies and places money on the table for all three of their tabs.

“But I haven’t finished my food yet,” Sai, who’s totally unaware of what he’s just done, tries to object, only to get dragged away by his two teammates.

Kakashi and Yamato are left alone.

Yamato is so nervous that he can’t even eat, so he doesn’t, instead asking for a to-go container to put the rest of his food in. Meanwhile, Kakashi slurps away at his food like nothing happened.

“So, you just have a picture of me, huh?” Kakashi laughs. “That’s sweet of you, Yamato… Seriously, you’re so cute, you know that?”

“Well…” Yamato clears his throat, embarrassed. Kakashi’s reaction isn’t what he wanted but it also isn’t what he feared would happen in this scenario, so he supposes he’ll take what he can get. He sighs. “I guess it could be worse.”

“Looks like the party’s over,” Kakashi mutters in reference to the absence of the rest of their former team before grabbing his wallet. He places enough cash for both of their meals on the table for Ayame to take and puts the wallet back in his pocket. “Guess we should head home. Want me to walk you there?”

“Sure.”

The Hokage robe that Kakashi wears most days is loose and comfortable, billowing in the wind. Yamato has never thought much about the practicality of the thing, just thought about how good it looks on Kakashi. But, as Kakashi stands up and catches an especially harsh breeze, the contents of his pockets are blown onto the floor; his wallet, folded up paperwork, and polaroid pictures that Yamato can’t quite make out from where he’s sitting.

“Here, Kakashi, let me help you pick this up,” Yamato says as he stands from his stool and kneels down to assist Kakashi in retrieving his belongings. “I’d hate for the wind to blow any of it away.”

“No, no, that’s not necessary,” Kakashi insists.

Out of all of the things that Kakashi would have reached out first, he reaches out for the pictures. Three of the five that are on the dirt ground are visible to him since they’re facing up- one of him and Kakashi when they were still in ANBU together labeled ‘me and Tenzou <3’, a candid of himself training that he didn’t even realize Kakashi had (or took) labeled ‘Yamato ( :’ and finally, a picture of the two of them at Kakashi’s inauguration ceremony simply labeled ‘beloved’.

Yamato clears his throat and pretends he hasn’t seen the pictures in favor of picking up Kakashi’s wallet. With Kakashi bent over on the ground like this, his collar droops down just far enough for the heart-shaped locket that rests below his collarbones to be noticeable. Kakashi has never been one to wear jewelry, so Yamato looks, only to see that there’s yet another picture of him in the locket. This one is from when his hair was still long.

After Kakashi collects the pictures, the paper work, and his wallet, both men stand in front of Ichiraku rather awkwardly. It’s clear that they’re just waiting for the other to say something about the pictures. It seems that Kakashi gives up, though, as he turns to walk away without saying something- anything.

Yamato feels angry at that moment. For Kakashi to tease him for having one picture of him while owning several of Yamato… What a dickhead. On top of that, just how long has Kakashi thought of him this way? Could they have been dating for years had one of them just fucking said something? With a huff, Yamato follows Kakashi out of the ramen stand and places a hand on the Hokage’s shoulder.

“Is something wrong?” Kakashi questions, his charcoal eyes so beautiful yet so impossible to read.

“No, it’s just-” Yamato starts to lie, only to find that he can’t. He can’t pretend that nothing is wrong after what he just saw, so instead of pretending, he demands- “When were you going to tell me?”

“Hm?” Kakashi hums as if he doesn’t know what Yamato could possibly be talking about.

“You’re in love with me, aren’t you?” Yamato asks, though the question is more rhetorical than anything. He already knows the answer if the pictures Kakashi dropped on the ground at Ichiraku are anything to go by. “When were you planning on telling me?”

“Oh, that,” Kakashi blinks and starts to walk in the direction of Yamato’s apartment. Yamato follows. “To answer your question; never.”

“You can’t be serious.”

Kakashi glances at him.

“I am.”

Since Yamato’s apartment is right down the street from Ichiraku, they quickly make it to his front door. The conversation doesn’t end there, though. They both stand on Yamato’s welcome mat, far too close together for two men who are supposed to be friends or comrades or whatever the fuck others would consider them at this point. Yamato places both hands on Kakashi’s shoulders now and leans up to look him in the eye.

“Then I’ll tell you first, Kakashi, I’m in love with you. You return my feelings- that much is obvious, so do you want it or not?”

“What do you mean by ‘it’?”

“I mean… Do you want me or not? Because I want you, I’ve always wanted you.”

Kakashi’s face softens.

“Of course I do,” Kakashi answers with a sigh before reaching forward to brush a stray lock of hair away from Yamato’s eyes. “Of course I want you, I just didn’t want to complicate things by telling you. Why would you want to date the Hokage?”

“Because it’s you,” Yamato answers as his anger dies down to a soft mixture of joy and relief. “I don’t want anyone else.”

“Then we’ll have to take some new pictures for us to keep of each other, won’t we?”

“Yeah,” Yamato chuckles. “I guess we will. Why don’t we go inside and set up my camera?”

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