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duckprintspress · 2 years

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Editing Tips for Beginning Editors

This is a guest post written by Adrian Harley.

Congratulations! If you’re reading this, I’m willing to bet you already have a lot of the skills you need to be an editor. Even among full-time professionals, a lot of editing skill comes from reading a ton—you get an “eye” for when a sentence just doesn’t look right. The more you read professionally edited work, the better you get at it. (Fanfiction is incredible, obviously. But fanfiction has its own quirks, and the grammar and punctuation can vary, so I’m not confident recommending it as a way to brush up your instinctive grasp of when a sentence “looks right.”)

The specifics of what you do as an editor can vary a lot depending on what you’re editing and who you’re editing for, so in this post, I’ll be covering some of the basic principles that I think will be helpful no matter what type of editing you do. Broadly, I’ll be going over language-related tips and profession-related tips.

Language

I won’t be going over the nuts and bolts of grammar here, as a zillion good guides to it already exist online. Grammar Girl is my go-to free resource, and a lot of grammar and punctuation questions can be easily answered online or in a style guide from your library. I looked up the rules for commas a LOT in my first years of editing, and I still have to double-check them sometimes. A lot of the fiddly details differ between guides (how to write a.m. and p.m.; serial comma), but the nuts and bolts of grammar and punctuation stay the same across guides.

Professionally, those fiddly details are a big chunk of editing. Do you write out numbers less than 20? Less than 10? Do you capitalize titles like “President” all the time or only in certain situations? There’s no one right answer, which is one of the many reasons there’s no “right guide” to editing. A style guide will decide many of these questions for you. If you pick up editing as a profession, your employer will most likely have a style guide in mind. You may want to pick one for yourself if you do freelance editing. That way, you won’t have to re-decide on every job, and if you get repeat clients, you’ll be sure their text is consistent across all their documents. A “series bible” for fiction works on similar principles.

Whether you’re looking at those fiddly details or at the big picture, one principle of editing is to never take anything for granted. Someone says there’s five ancient orbs needed to defeat the dragon? You’d better count the orbs. Make sure every proper noun in the story (names of people, places, things) is spelled the same every single time. This is the kind of thing you’ll get quizzed on if you ever apply for a professional editing gig. Every editing job I’ve ever applied to has an “editing test” of at least a page, and it usually has at least one of those errors (if not both).

Another major thing to watch out for is colloquialisms, especially ones that mean multiple things. A short list of common errors I see:

“Since” should only relate to the passage of time; it does not mean “because.”

“While,” again, should only refer to time—two things happening simultaneously. “But,” “although,” “whereas,” and others are good substitutes for the other sense.

“Due to” does not mean “because of,” it means “caused by” (and I’ve seen some editors argue to not even use it for “caused by” and to only use it for when something is owed to someone).

“If” will often need to be replaced with “whether.”

Obviously with dialogue, that’s a whole nother story, but be careful about these in narration, even with a colloquial narrative. They can introduce unintentional double meanings.

When you’re moving from basic accuracy to style, you’ll often need to “tighten up” the language. This might be something you’re used to doing in your own writing. This doesn’t mean all prose should be sparse! But as an editor, part of your job is making sure that every word is contributing something, no matter whether the sentence is flowery or stark. One exercise is to go through and see if you can cut one word from every sentence. Depending on what type of editing you do, you’ll have different “filler words” to look out for. My personal demon is “just,” so I always do a search for that when I’m revising my own work. In my day job, the word “provide” often signals a clunky phrase that could be condensed into a single, better verb (e.g., “provides assistance” vs. “helps”).

You’ll look for a lot as you edit, so don’t feel like you have to do it all at once. A simple search can make sure you’ve caught issues like “while” and “since.” Other issues are best solved in their own read-through. For me, I try to do a read-through specifically for passive voice. I often skip over passive voice on my all-purpose read because, well, the sentence makes sense, doesn’t it? So my eye simply doesn’t catch it if I’m not on the lookout. As you edit, you’ll figure out what process works best for you.

And to wrap up the language section—checklists are your friend! I used to have a post-it of all the things I knew I struggled with, and I’d systematically search the document for those trip-ups after I did my first read. You can customize your own checklist with whatever snags give you trouble.

Professionalism

A huge part of editing as a professional is in how you interact with other people. Your whole job is telling people they’re wrong, after all, and you often have no control over whether they’ll listen to you. Everything you can do to make the criticism easier for them helps!

My favorite “one weird trick” that my first boss taught me is to turn every criticism into a question. If you’re suggesting a significant revision, “How about…?” is one of my favorite leads. If you have no idea what’s going on, do your best to figure out what might be causing the issue, then form a question around that. “Are there missing words here?” is kinder and more useful than “Huh?”

Essentially, your role as an editor is to advocate for the reader. This “reader stand-in” role can help frame critique as well. Will the reader understand this? If you’re in one of the more-technical editing jobs, that question may be completely necessary. As an editor for scientific research, I’m often editing documents meant for people who know way more about the subject matter than I do. The framing of “the reader” is also a useful tool in your toolbox for fiction. You may be editing something that you are not the target audience for. Or, on the other end of the scale, you may know without question that you’re reading something incomprehensible. The polite device of “the reader” helps add a level of depersonalization to the critique.

Unsurprisingly, for editing, communication is key before you even start work. “Editing” covers a huge range of possibilities. Make sure you and the author are on the same page. Do they want a proofread—only correcting glaring errors? Do they want you to improve the phrasing of sentences? It can go all the way up to practically rewriting the thing, if you’re working at a corporation and the authors aren’t professionals. This conversation beforehand will let you know whether you should make “artistic” suggestions as you read, whether you need to stick with nuts and bolts, or something in between.

If the author says they only need a proofread and you discover the whole thing is terrible, that’s when some tactful emails come into play. Never start doing a higher-level edit unless you’ve talked about it with the author first. You have much better odds of an affirmative if they feel like they’re collaborating with you–that you’re both in it together to make the best document possible. As far as the tactful emails go, be kind and be specific. If you have examples of what you’d like to correct, throw those in. It helps the author know what to expect and make an informed decision.

And sometimes the author says no, and that’s okay! You must wash your hands of it. It’s not your name on the thing, and if you don’t put it in your resume, it never will be (fresh out of college, I worked on a couple truly awful novels that nobody will ever know I worked on). Perfectionism is HARD to overcome, I know, but accepting the errors gets easier with practice.

And finally, if you’re still wondering, “Am I cut out to be an editor?” I would recommend the words of Neil Gaiman. In his excellent “Make Good Art” speech, he says that as a freelance artist, you need to do good work, do it on time, and be pleasant to work with. And then, he adds, “You don’t even need all three! Two out of three is fine.”I recommend the whole thing if you ever want to battle imposter syndrome, because the same tenets apply to editing. At least I think they do. You don’t need to be the perfect editor—nobody is. But I guarantee that you have most of what you need already, and I hope this has helped.

Biography

Adrian Harley, one of Duck Prints Press’s editors, has been a full-time professional editor of scientific research for 10 years. Their freelance and ad-hoc editing has run the gamut from books to blog posts to family members’ cover letters. They’ve been published in Duck Prints Press’ And Seek (Not) to Alter Me and the forthcoming She Wears the Midnight Crown, as well as OFIC Magazine.

Want to learn more?

Beware the Weasel Word has information and resources for “tightening up” language.

How to Ask for Feedback on Your Writing talks more about how, from a writer point of view, to help your editor understand what type(s) of editing you’re looking for.

Giving Quality, Motivating Feedback focuses on exactly what it says on the tin: how to give a writer feedback they’ll listen to.

What is an Alpha Reader? talks about what role alpha reader editors play and how to work with one.

#duck prints press #editing advice #on writing #publishing #writing advice #guest blogger #adrian harley

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imagine-loki · 3 years

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Ruin

TITLE: Ruin

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT:

AUTHOR: fanfictrashdump

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine that halfway through a makeout session, Loki stops abruptly. He stares for a long moment before he says anything. “I can’t ruin you like this.” He anxiously stands to put space between you. “I have to leave.”

RATING: T

NOTES/WARNINGS: My to-do list is a mile long , but I saw this and my mind wrote it on its own. Did I never intend them to be romantically involved? Yes. Did I really think of Lily as an oblivious ace for a long time? Also yes. Do I enjoy the current chaotic bi vibes she’s putting out? H e l l y e s. Language. Kissing. Idiots. Speed run, so errors may be plentiful.

SUMMARY: Loki has been feeling feels that he can no longer shove into box and ignore. Lily didn’t know she could possibly have access to that box and would very much like the opportunity to do so. Loki is dramatic AF and is pleasantly surprised he’s been lied to.

His lips trailed an invisible line over her neck, gliding over the expanse of skin until it reached a point where her pulse thrummed steadily. A second later his tongue darted over the heated flesh, tasting the electricity of her skin and what tasted like fresh morning dew. His teeth followed, pinching skin together so he could suck a half-dollar size bruise into it before returning to the honeyed lips he had already kissed swollen. The half-gasped whimper that followed as response would have usually spurred Loki on in his actions. This time, it was the noise that broke him from his reverie.

He pulled back, blinking drunkenly at the flushed face staring back in wide-eyed, pouting surprise. For a second the perfectly sky blue marbles beckoned him back like a siren call, but the Prince caught himself before he managed to drag her back onto his mouth. Fine, silver strands slipped through his fingers, the ends curling delicately around his digits and tickled his palms. He tried not to focus on the fact that the fact that they felt like each follicle was woven of spider’s silk.

A kiss brushed onto the inside of his wrist, startling him out of the silent exploration of her hair. There was a silent question in Lily’s stare, a curiosity as to why he had pulled away when they both had been perfectly content to try to devour each other a moment prior.

All Loki saw was an innocent curiosity reflected back at him and a genuine desire to share affection. It was all very overwhelming. Loki’s hands retreated abruptly, just as the dark cloud settled over his features. “I can’t ruin you like this,” he murmured, his face screwed into a frown that looked more distraught than Lily had ever seen it. He was on his feet a second later, almost as if shocked by lightning. “I have to go.”

“Wha–Loki!” Lily called at the already slamming door, leaving Lily behind, in his quarters, she might add, earnestly confused as to what had just happened. How all of it had happened.

Lily couldn’t remember who had started their short-lived tryst. It just sort of… happened.

The pair had been play-fighting, an increasingly common occurrence that would come about from Lily feeling a little too sure of herself and would decide to test her reflexes and element of surprise. Loki could always see her attacks coming a mile away, if he were honest. The little plant witch had only managed to startle him once, and it was very quickly rectified. He had not let his guard down ever again.

The familiar sensation of being watched crept up his spine and the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. There was no ominous feeling, but rather a knowledge that he was not alone. The smirk that crept up on his face was unintentional, but it also unsuppressed. Loki continued sorting through materials as if there were nothing amiss. The slightest breeze fluttered his hair and the smell of ozone and magic filled his nose as he easily grabbed the arm that had intended to wind around his neck and he flipped the person over his shoulder.

Lily landed, flat on her back in bed with a choked gasp, scrambling quickly out of the vulnerable position, but Loki was far faster than she ever hoped to be. Not to mention that he was so much stronger, his hands bigger, able to pin her down neatly with little effort. Her veins glowed green in tandem with the vines that intended to squeeze Loki still.

He gave a surprised chuckle in response–they never had resorted to magic when they grappled like this. His response to shapeshift was second nature. The giant serpent that slithered eerily in her screeching direction dealt with the vines with little issue. She swallowed her protests to pin him down before the shape of a porcupine had her shuffling off again. More vines, more pliant and dense than the first, bound the creature down before a fox took its place. The ebony of its fur contrasted with the bright green of the vines was surprisingly endearing. Loki noisily gnawed at the vines as he rolled onto his back, hind legs kicking up a storm.

“Aww, I didn’t think you could shift into cute things!” She cooed, scratching him under his chin, prompting him to let out a startled yelp.

While Loki was no stranger to Lily suddenly thrusting affection in his direction in the form of hugs and genuine compliments, they were usually after he was in dire need of it, or vice versa. They never seemed to share this affection when they were both perfectly fine, but rather as comfort. And while the gentle stroking of her fingers up the bridge of his snout was soothing in a quasi hypnotic manner, there was still a bubble of emotion that he was sort of uncomfortable with gurgling at the pit of his stomach.

In the tumult of his emotions, he had shifted back, vines disappearing into the ether, and yet her fingers still trailed that lazy route from his forehead, down the bridge of his nose and back. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint when his head had shifted into her lap or when he decided it was a good idea for his teeth to playfully nip at her fingers. All he knew was that after a moment he her face was down by his and their mouths pressed together. Everything after that had been a blur.

And now she was sitting alone in his room, trying to piece together the last hour and why in every god’s name he had decided to bail on her.

Lily marched out of the dark bedroom and out into the hallways. She was sure Loki would be hiding quite proficiently–there wasn’t a creature alive that could find Loki if he did not want to be found, but she could certainly try. Lily peeked into the lab where Tony and Bruce tinkered away at their science projects.

“Tony, have you seen Loki?” She knew Bruce would rather stay far away from the demigod, so it wasn’t worth asking.

“Have I seen Scary Spice? No, I have not and I count myself lucky.”

“That’s not nice.”

Tony didn’t miss a beat. “Neither is he. What do you need him for?”

“He wasn’t feeling well,” she fibbed, easily. “I wanted to check in on him.”

“Oh, that’s too bad,” Bruce quipped, flashing an awkward smile and going back to adjust an array of tiny screws. Lily raised an eyebrow and Bruce did a double-take in her direction. “What?”

Lily ignored the question, dropping unceremoniously into one of the stools by Tony’s bench. “Honestly, I think we should kick Loki out,” she said after a long moment.

Tony’s face crumpled into an odd frown. “Not that I don’t fantasize about that every single day, but, why?”

“He’s a bad influence I think.”

“On who? The assassins, the 1940’s super soldiers, the recovering alcoholic with anxiety or the rage monster over there? Or do you mean you? Because I think we both know you’re your own bad influence. We’re all our own worst enemies, here, kiddo.”

“He’s going to ruin me.”

The loud bark of laughter spewing from Tony’s mouth startled Lily. “You lied to me for five years about who you really were and then you failed to mention that you would go all Poison Ivy if you were out on missions for too long. The only being brave enough to go into that room and keep your borderline non-murderous was that dumb, goth, wannabe-boyfriend of yours.” Tony peered down his nose at her. “Loki is a lot of things, mutant ruiner is not one of them.”

“He made out with me.”

“Good. If he’s busy sucking your face off, he can’t keep messing up the paint job on my suit.” He smirked when Lily pouted. “It’s not my fault if you make terrible choices. You have to deal with them yourself. Welcome to adulthood” He sobered slightly, cracking his neck in a nervous fidget. “So, you, er, like him or something?”

Lily turned a brilliant shade of red, suddenly becoming interested in a loose thread on her jumper. “I don’t know. I’m usually kind of oblivious and assume everyone just wants to be my friend, so I never… I didn’t think…”

“Oh, god, you do. Disgusting,” Tony quipped, making retching noises to tease her.

“Shut up, Tony.”

“But, you do! You’re totally–”

“Shut up, Tony!”

Tony frowned, the expression turning to curiosity when Lily’s eyes trailed to stare out of her peripherals towards Bruce’s benchtop. Realization lit up his face as his mouth formed a wide ‘O’ before he chuckled. “You better put everything back the way you found it or Bruce is going to Hulk-smash you into porridge.” Something clattered noisily onto the ground before the sound of footsteps shuffling overcame them. “He’s heading for the balcony,” he whispered just as the steps retreated. “Don’t make sudden moves, he looks terrified.”

“Thanks. Pleasure wreaking havoc with you, Tony,” she announced, hopping to her feet.

Cool air rushed her face as the automatic doors hissed open. The weather was already biting in the late autumn, and Lily was in no way prepared to be outside for any length of time in just her jumper and jeans.

Loki stood at the railing, staring off into the city when she pressed her forehead to his back. His body stiffened, taking several heartbeats before his muscles stopped seizing up. By that time, however, the bone-wracking shivers had prompted some protective instinct within him to turn, shedding the charcoal zip jumper off his shoulders and over hers.

“You’ll catch your death.”

“Do you mean you or the weather? Because you’re rather elusive today”

Loki scoffed. “Lilian–”

“Not my name.”

He drew in a deep breath whose chill rattled noisily in his chest. “How’d you even know?”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Bruce pretends you don’t exist. He wouldn’t express his sympathy for your illness. Rookie mistake. I know how to read people rather well.”

There was a long stretch of silence between them, eyes jousting before he couldn’t bear to hold her gaze any longer. “I’m not what you want.”

Lily chuckled to herself, burying herself deeper into Loki’s coat. “Forgive me, but you have no clue what I want. Mostly because I don’t know what I want. Frankly, I didn’t think making out with a Norse god was one of the options.” She shrugged, leaning into his side and smiling to herself when he instinctually pressed in closer. “I mean, if you don’t want it, that’s a different matter, altogether.”

Loki cut his eyes to the side to stare at her. “You’re ridiculous. You can’t tell me you don’t see–don’t you?”

“See what?”

“Fucking oblivious.”

“It’s not like I actively seek anyone. I can’t exactly be myself with anyone else.” She smirked, nudging him with her hip. “I don’t want to be–” A yelp cut her short, swallowed into Loki’s throat before it ever got the chance to break through the air. His long digits bunched up either side of his coat to pull her closer. She sighed, molding herself into the curve of his body. Just as she was tilted her head to deepen their kiss, he pulled back.

“No. I–I have to go.”

Once more alone, wrapped in Loki’s coat, she remained confused. Lily let out a groan, letting the cold autumn air cool her down before marching back inside. She hoped he shifted into someone easily recognizable. And that this sudden attack of guilty conscience was short-lived.

It wasn’t.

A month-long game of cat and mouse, of watching him disguise himself as every single occupant of that godforsaken tower to escape temptation and they still had not managed to sit down for a conversation. Lily decided that if that was the game he wanted to play, that she was entirely fine with it. She prepared breakfast for the team, as usual, setting a bouquet of fresh flowers in the center with a smile. Eventually, everyone began to stream in for the morning meal and Lily sat at her usual spot at the far end of the table to watch everyone come in, half-asleep and ravenous.

Blue eyes trailed Loki shuffling in behind Natasha, who sat to her right while he sat to Lily’s left. Not missing a beat, Lily smiled at the assassin before tugging at Natasha by the strings of her hoodie. Their mouths met easily, the Widow’s lips quirking at the corners and prompting the sound of clattering utensils across the table.

Nat pecked Lily gently before allowing her to move back and grinned. She licked her lips almost lewdly and followed it with a sip of coffee. “Good morning to you, too, hon.” Impish energy glittered in her eyes. “You know what? I don’t think I got enough of you. Come here–”

A thud echoed in the room and the table clattered. Loki was half out of his seat and had buried his dagger into the mahogany surface of the dining table. Tony protested quietly, almost half-heartedly.

“If you so much as breathe on her, again, I will skin you alive, Agent Romanoff. I swear it,” Loki hissed. “When I said I didn’t want to ruin you, I wasn’t suggesting you go off and find someone who would!” Loki snapped back at Lily, his expression halfway between annoyed and hurt.

“What else am I supposed to do?” She declared loudly, grumbling unintelligibly for a long moment. “I have been driving myself dizzy chasing these stupid circles you’ve led me on. Do you want me or not?”

“In what Universe do I not want you? It cannot be more obvious that I love you and you make me feel special, you impossible woman! Even fucking Stark noticed! But I don’t deal well with emotions if you haven’t caught on, yet, and I don’t want to lead you on when I’m not sure how to feel anything!”

“I don’t know how to feel, either, you ass. Which is why I’d rather we figure it out together than have to play Guess Who?: Shapeshifter Edition with everyone in the Tower!”

Loki growled, scrubbing a hand down his face in frustration. “I’ve just told you I love you and you said you didn’t know how you felt!”

Lily stabbed a sausage rather aggressively onto her fork, bending two of the tines in the process. “Of course I love you, you moron. Who in their goddamn right mind would voluntarily put up with your moody bullshit, otherwise?”

He scoffed. “Fine, I guess we’re in love, then!”

“Whoop-de-fucking-do!”

Loki opened his mouth to snap another witty retort back, when the conversation caught up to him. His eyebrows rose to meet his hairline as wide, green eyes cut instantly at Lily. “We’re in love,” he mumbled. “We’re in love?” Surprise melted into hopeful softness.

“Wait, were you two not together?” A chorus of Clint and Barton followed the interruption, but it was enough to cut through the magic of the moment.

Loki fidgeted on his feet as he paced in front of the bed. Lily looked bemused as her eyes moved like the swing of a pendulum to follow him back and forth.

“I’m not good enough for you.”

“Not for you to decide,” she countered, easily.

“I’ve killed.”

“So have I. You’ve been there.”

He stopped to face her. “I tried to take over the planet.”

“Mind control.”

“I’m a monster.”

“I’m legitimately an eldritch horror hybrid.”

Loki kneeled, resting his forehead on her lap with a sigh. “But we–you–I don’t think I could bare losing you after a paltry few decades,” he reluctantly mumbled.

Lily giggled, which Loki thought odd, but weirder things had happened between them. “I mean, fair. I’m not sure how long I’ll live, but I am also a hundred and six.”

His head snapped up so quickly he felt the muscles contract painfully. “What?”

“The hair is not a fashion statement,” she whispered, feeling the weight of his stare and the million questions it contained with it. “There’s a reason I haven’t really dated. I’ve never met anyone I can ostensibly spend my whole life with.” She laughed nervously, rustling her hair. “Say something.”

“You lied to me?” He seemed impressed rather than angry.

“No. You’ve always just assumed. And, I let you,” she admitted, her cheeks coloring faintly. His hands had curled around hers, dwarfing them in his comfortable warmth. “If you had let me explain a month ago, I would have told you that I’m really not some innocent maiden you can ruin.”

The little anxious notch that she was so familiar with formed between his brows. “By the Norns, we have a lot to talk about then, flower.” Lily sighed good-naturedly at the statement. Before she had managed to protest, Loki craned his neck enough to slot lips to hers. “Later, of course.”

#Loki #Lover #Others #Submitted one shot #submission #fanfictrashdump #ruin

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sensenoi · 4 years

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Rating Every Single Name of the Wind Cover

Why? Because I can. I am not a graphic designer, just a person with opinions.

Criteria for consideration: Must be a cover in a published edition of The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss. Hardcover, paperback, and ebook are all fair game, as are foreign language editions. Some editions reuse the same cover art, in which case I only rate one cover. Some editions modify cover art from another edition. If the differences are substantial, I’ll rate both.

Kindle March 2007 Edition

Ah, the famous shirtless redhead cover. This cover is a bit infamous in the fandom for being both bad and cringey. This is not good art. It’s cheesy. The shirtless aspect is silly, and the windswept hair is so windswept, you’d think Kvothe was in a tornado. Nice balance with the title and author text, although it looks like the title and author text are slightly off center.

3/10

Hardcover April 2007 Edition This is just a zoomed in crop of the above cover, which is a little lazy. It does make for a better cover image, except the creepy goat man bust has nothing to do with the plot of Name of the Wind. So I suppose they cancel out.

3/10

Mass Market Paperback April 2009 Edition

I despise this cover. It’s a lazy design, and the photo manipulation is terrible. Points I guess for good title text placement. But the photo manipulation is so! So! Bad! This is also the start of the trend of a hooded, cloaked figure with his back to the viewer staring out into the void. It is a bad trend.

2/10

Paperback UK June 2008 Edition

We’re still with the hooded, cloaked figure, but at least he’s facing front this time. I like the embellishment on the ‘W’ in the title text, although it gets a little pumpkin viney. Overall, it’s an ok cover. It doesn’t make me cringe, but it doesn’t grab the viewer’s interest, either.

4/10

Paperback Spanish May 2009 Edition

Same image as the previous cover, but this one is uncropped and has a different plant border. I’m not sure how successful the changes are. On the one hand, shrinking the image of the figure makes the figure look more mysterious, which is good. But on the other hand, this is a bad plant border. I thought there was some corn on the right side for a minute.

4/10

Hardcover 10th Anniversary October 2017 Edition

10th Anniversary edition got fancy, and it shows. I love the ruin influence in the title text, which is a great callback to the use of ruins in the novel and also a more creative and unexpected choice than making the title text leafy. That being said, the ��of the” in the title text is very oddly formatted and doesn’t fit the style. The cover illustration is pretty great, with lots of symbolism for old fans while still maintaining visual interest for new readers who are browsing and happen to pick the book up. The Cinder statue is delightfully creepy and much more relevant to the novel than the dumb pan statue from the earlier cover.

9/10

Paperback Turkish March 2007 Edition

Another trend starting here: Cloaked figure staring out at a city in the distance. I like the painting, at least what I can see of it. I find the choice to crop out most of the painting really bizarre. Is this supposed to be a telescope we’re looking through? And the leaves look like lily pads. The title and author text leaf embellishments are quite nice here, but I don’t know why there’s a metallic color shift. Overall, a poor use of space.

4/10

Hardcover German March 2007 Edition

Oh look! A cloaked figure staring at a city. What a surprise. I rather like the title text design, which is pretty creative and a good way to make the title visually appealing. I wish the city in the painting weren’t so damn faded and distant – I think it’s a mistake to keep the visual focus on the figure exclusively and only hint at the city beyond.

6/10

Paperback Portuguese September 2009 Edition

This cover is terrible. I would say the worst, but there’s more still to come. Anyways, this is incredibly bad. We’re once again with the hooded, cloaked figure with his back to the viewer, which is a lazy and uninteresting pose. The image is badly photoshopped and looks like an alternate movie poster for The Blair Witch Project. There’s nothing interesting about the image, nothing that interests the viewer. The title font isn’t boring, I guess. That’s the only good thing I have to say about this. 1/10

Paperback Portuguese July 2009 Edition

Still another cloaked figure staring off at a distant city, but this is one my favorite versions of this trope. The city is far enough in the middle distance that the figure is the main focus, but we can still see enough of the city to see that it’s cool looking. I’m glad to see the bridge from the books, which is a nice detail. The title text does a good job of filling in the empty space of the painting without crowding the other elements.

9/10

Paperback French November 2009 Edition

This is the same cover image as before, but it’s been cropped so that the figure is centered. I don’t like the change – the balance is better when the figure is off center. Also, the title text is way too big and dominates, which is unfortunate because the Spanish cover had such a lovely balance throughout. 7/10

Hardcover Dutch July 2007 Edition

Yet. Another. Hooded figure. Staring. At a city. Wow. This one has a tree, at least. The image is… fine? I might be kinder to it if I hadn’t seen several better iterations of this right before. Because so much of the image is shrouded in fog, there’s very little to go on in terms of visual interest. And while I don’t mind the shadowed, muted color scheme, it also means that there’s very little to distinguish the cloaked figure and make him intriguing. The shadow initials behind the title text is horrific and obscures the title somewhat, so docking a couple of points for that. 5/10

Hardcover UK January 2017 Edition

Ahahahaha. This looks like the My Neighbor Totoro edition of Name of the Wind. It’s very silly and lighthearted, but wholly inappropriate for a book whose reading level is above first grade. If this was a kid’s book, I’d give it full marks. But Name of the Wind is very much for adults, and this cover is way too young and childish.

1/10

Paperback Polish August 2008

YIKES. I cannot figure out which scene or location from the book this image is trying to evoke, which makes me think the cover artist did not have the book or a text excerpt to work from. What the hell are those weird horse skulls? Why is this taking place in a desert? Why is the texture so bad? So many questions. And the effect on the title text is bad.

0/10 YES WE CAN GO LOWER THAN 1

Hardcover Russian 2010 Edition

This looks like the cover to a Dungeons and Dragons manual. I suppose that’s supposed to be from the Dracchus scene with Denna, but the image doesn’t look quite right for Name of the Wind. It’s just so generic fantasy. I also don’t like how the image is cropped top and bottom to make way for a very generic marble background. Still, the image is colorful and exciting, even if it could be the cover for any fantasy novel ever.

5/10

Paperback UK 2011 Edition

What the FUCK happened here? Who let this shit happen?

-10/10

Hardcover Finnish August 2010 Edition

Ooooh, more Miyazaki fanart! This is actually quite lovely, and it fits the tone of the books much better than the kids book cover from before. I love how soft and gentle the painting is. Notice the color balance. I don’t know if this cover really ‘grabs’ you or draws interest, but it’s one of my favorites of the bunch.

10/10

Paperback Bulgarian October 2010 Edition

I reserve the right to change my opinion later, but this may be the worst contender in the cloaked and hooded figure from behind category. I actually had to double check that this wasn’t a reused image from the mass market paperback edition, but nope! This is a brand new cover image, and it’s absolute shit. The lighting is so dark it’s impossible to make out details, the balance is way off, and the cover and title text are placed over the figure (aka the only object of interest) instead of the boring, generic storm clouds.

0/10

Hardcover Lithuanian 2011 Edition

YIKES times two. This cover art is truly awful in ways I didn’t know could still happen. Kvothe’s face looks ‘off’ because the facial proportions are all wrong. The blue mystical katana is bizarre because there’s no magical sword, much less a katana, in the story. And is that a photo of Stonehenge in the background? With yet another hooded figure?! I do like the gold foil of the title and the golden dragon embellishment, but the rest of this is such shit.

0/10

Paperback Serbian February 2011

And we’re back in the safe territory of a cloaked figure staring off at a distant city! All these covers are starting to run together, but this is a new cover art. It just looks like all the others. Once again, it’s fine. The city is a little too distant and greyed out to hold interest, and the figure is kind of generic.

5/10

Paperback Italian 2008 Edition

I do not know what happened here. Who is this figure supposed to be? I cannot for the life of me figure out which character this is. It’s a shame, because it’s well-done art with a cool character and costume design. The title and author text obscure the image, though, and the shadow on the text is so extreme it’s hilarious.

0/10

Hardcover Hungarian 2009 Edition

This is just boring. There’s no information conveyed here, nothing interesting or arresting to attract the viewer’s attention. The translucent overlay on the title is an odd choice.

2/10

Paperback Persian 2016 Edition

I believe this was originally a fanart of Kvothe (correct me if I’m wrong please), but it’s a good one. The tree shadow in the back is distracting and obscures the handle of the lute on his back, though. I wish there was more here – it feels very spare in an unintentional way.

6/10

Hardcover Georgian 2016 Edition

Cloaked and hooded figure staring off into the distance, check. I’m not crazy about this one – the art is very soft in a blurred kind of way, and it reads as a little humdrum. The tower in the distance is quite dull – it looks like a modern office building.

4/10

Hardcover Italian October 2016 Edition

The title text is a little too high – I don’t like how it covers the figure’s chin. It’s not a bad idea to make Kvothe’s green eyes a focal point, and it’s certainly more of an original idea than most of these covers have shown. But the muted color pallete drags the whole mood down. It’s not evocative, just kind of damp.

5/10

Hardcover 10th Anniversary French November 2019

I LOVE this cover. It’s gorgeous. I love the gold foil, love the text, love the clouds. It’s stunning and timeless. Amazing.

10/10

Hardcover Latvian October 2013 Edition

It’s a cloaked figure with a city in the distance, but he’s NOT looking at the city! What!! I’m rather surprised at how few covers feature Kvothe actually playing the lute – this may be the only one, actually. I don’t like the bottom fade, and I think the design is a little generic fantasy. But it’s a nice balance, and the title text is fancy and eye-catching.

7/10

Paperback Polish 2017 Edition

This cover artist also clearly wasn’t working off an excerpt from the book. The character design is so off and unlike Kvothe, except for the cloak. Wall texture looks like a photo manipulation, which is cheap. This whole thing is bad.

0/10

Hardcover Russian 2015 Edition

What is with the Stonehenge imagery? And why is that guy floating off of Stonehenge in a modern hoodie? Why is that one leaf in the top right so huge? Why is the title text red and difficult to read? At least there’s a broken lute, I guess.

1/10

Paperback Chinese May 2012 Edition

This is incredibly lazy and the photoshop job is terrible and generic. Zero effort was put into this cover.

0/10

Hardcover Russian 2011 Edition

I’ve been pretty harsh on Russia, mostly because the Russian covers have been terrible. This is ok-ish. It’s very generic fantasy, and the castle looks like Hogwarts. But it has visual interest, even if the title text color is garish.

2/10

Japanese 2017 Edition

I quite love that they turned Kvothe into an anime character. And he’s doing stuff, too, and not just staring out into the middle distance. There’s so much imagery of the broken lute in these covers, so it’s refreshing to see the other part of this scene – when Kvothe loses his shit and finally calls the name of the wind. Fun cover, good artwork. The red title text works here because it matches Kvothe’s hair.

9/10

WORST:

BEST:

#The name of the wind #kingkiller chronicle #patrick rothfuss #book cover art #books #apologies for poor image quality i was working with what god and goodreads gave me #which was variable image quality i guess #I've been told I'm very judgemental so I decided to put those judgey skills to good use

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ceealaina · 4 years

Text

Title: In My Dreams I Turn You On - Chapter 1 Collaborator Name: ceealaina Card Number: 3088 Link: AO3 Square Filled: K4 - Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier Ship: WinterIron Rating: Explicit Major Tags: Alternate Universe - No Powers Summary: Tony's crushing hard on his new massage therapist, but doesn't want to be a sleazy businessman. Bucky's crushing hard on his latest client, but doesn't want to take advantage of him in a vulnerable position. So they handle it like any sane adults - pretend it's not happening and refuse to discuss it. At least they both have terrible friends to help them through it. Word Count: 4259 Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three

Tony groaned as he headed into the penthouse, Pepper close behind him. He’d spent the morning tinkering over a design, which had been followed by three meetings in a row in uncomfortable chair after uncomfortable chair. His shoulder blades were tight and aching, and he arched his back, stretching it out as he collapsed onto his extremely comfortable sofa. His back cracked with a series of loud pops, and he groaned again in relief, closing his eyes and rolling his neck, wincing a little at the sick crunching sound his muscles made at the movement.

When he looked up again, Pepper was staring at him in horror. “Tony, was that your back ?”

“Um. No?” He offered, doing his best to look innocent. When she didn’t look any more impressed, he offered a faint smile. “It was also my neck?”

Pepper rolled her eyes at him. “JARVIS, please book Tony an appointment with the in-house massage therapist,” she requested pleasantly, before fixing Tony with a dirty look. “This is exactly why we have a therapist on call. Use it.”

“I did!” Tony insisted. “I mean, I do! I just... got busy.” Pepper wasn’t budging, and he sighed heavily. “Fine. J -- go ahead and book that appointment. I think I can put off that phone update and clear some time tomorrow afternoon.”

It wasn’t that Tony minded getting massages; quite the opposite actually. He was pretty good about booking his appointment every six weeks (doctor’s orders) and Louise, the staff therapist, was an absolute sweetheart with the uncanny ability to know when he wanted to lie in silence and let himself drift, and when he wanted to be regaled with stories about how she’d spent her weekend with her wife and their three dogs. He’d just been so busy that it had kind of fallen to the very bottom of his todo list. Still, the creaks his body was making were a little concerning, and it would be good to be able to relax for ninety minutes.

By the next afternoon, Tony was actually really looking forward to the appointment. He’d had a ridiculous morning, and his neck and lower back were killing him, the beginning of a tension headache beginning to crawl up the base of his skull.

But all those thoughts flew right out of his brain when he walked into the therapy room to be met with a pert ass in perfectly fitting soft, grey pants, bent over the office desk.

“Um.” Tony blinked, eyes trailing up over a broad back, muscles clearly defined beneath a black, long-sleeved t-shirt. “You’re not Louise.”

The man bent over the table jumped a little, straightening and turning to face him, and Tony felt his heart skip a beat in the face of bright blue eyes and a wide smile, and long brown hair pulled back in a mostly-professional bun.

“Hey!” Tall, dark and sexy beamed at him, moving across the room. “You must be Mr. Stark.”

If he squinted, Tony could hear the slightest trace of a Brooklyn accent in his voice, reminiscent of Steve when he was drunk, or got all worked up about the state of America, or both. Tony couldn’t help feeling endeared at the sound, the low voice rolling over him. “Tony, please,” he managed to get out, toes curling in his dress shoes as his hand was gripped in a warm, firm handshake.

“Tony,” the therapist repeated dutifully. “Louise is on vacation for the next couple of weeks. My name is James. I just started today, but I’m fully trained and certified, promise.” He gave Tony a broad grin, the kind that looked like it would be accompanied by a wink, if that wouldn’t come off as unprofessional. “I’ll be your therapist for today, if that works for you?”

“Oh yeah, that definitely works for me,” Tony assured him before wincing a little, because wow Stark, creepy much? Way to keep it classy.

Fortunately James didn’t seem bothered, huffing out a soft laugh with a twinkle in his eyes. “Glad to hear it,” he said, and it may have been Tony’s imagination, but it seemed like the handshake lasted just a second too long before he released his grip and took a step back. “Uh, right. So we’ll just go over any problem spots you want me to work on, and then I’ll leave you to get as undressed as you’re comfortable with and we can get started.”

Tony was nodding along as James spoke, somehow managing to keep from shivering when he talked about getting undressed. “Sounds good to me.”

“Uh, one more thing,” James added, doing an adorable little scrunch of his face before lifting his left hand and rolling it awkwardly, and-

“Holy shit!” Tony reached out to catch his wrist, stopping himself just in time. “Is that one of mine? Of course it’s one of mine,” he added before James could answer. “You wouldn’t work here and not get an SI prosthetic. That’s one of the most recent models though, right? How’s it working out for you? Any problems with neural connections? Any pain at the connection sight? How’s the response time?”

“Mr. Stark - Tony.” James interrupted him, laughing again. “We’re here for you, not me. But, uh, off the record?” He did another little twist of his wrist that Tony had a hard time pulling his eyes away from. “The arm works like a dream. Thank you. But I just wanted to let you know that the hand might give you some different sensations than you’re used to. Just let me know if anything doesn’t feel right, and I can always put a glove on if you’d prefer.”

“Oh no,” Tony assured him quickly. “I’m sure it won’t be an issue.”

James was wholly professional, nodding as Tony told him about his problem areas and clarifying how the session would go. Then he was leaving Tony to change. Tony moved quickly, stripping down to his silky red boxer briefs, folding his clothes neatly on the table; he figured it didn’t hurt to make a good impression, just in case. He was well settled on the table by the time James knocked on the door, blanket pulled up to his shoulders to ward off any chill.

“Yup,” he called at the sharp tap on the door. He cleared his throat quickly. “Yeah, I’m good.”

James slipped into the room with quiet movements, dimming the light and moving to gather his supplies. Tony took a few deep breaths, letting himself relax as he listened to him move around the space, the quiet, steady beat of his footsteps,

“I’m going to get started now,” James told him, his voice softer than before. He pulled the sheet down, exposing Tony’s back, and he did his best not to shiver at the cooler air of the room. “Just let me know if anything doesn’t feel right, or if you want the heat up.”

Tony nodded against the table. “No prob-lem.” His voice hitched on the last word as thick fingers tucked the sheet just under the waistband of his briefs, pushing them down a little in the process. His touch was completely professional, but the quick drag of his fingers over the top of Tony’s ass had a shiver of pleasure running through him in a way that Louise’s touch never did. If James noticed the catch in his voice, he kept it to himself, no hesitation in his efficient movements.

A minute later, strong fingers were pressing into the skin of Tony’s back, touch light to start and sliding up either side of his spine. Even that little touch was heavenly, and when James’s fingers dug in at the base of his neck, Tony couldn’t help the low moan that slipped out.

“That feel okay?” James asked, and Tony thought he could hear the slightest hint of a smile in his voice.

“Feels amazing,” Tony slurred into the sheet. “Thas... really nice.”

“Is the pressure okay?” James asked. “You can let me know if you need a lighter touch.”

“No, no it’s good,” Tony mumbled. “Actually. You can go a bit harder.”

Ridiculously, he felt his neck heat at the unintentional double entendre, and he couldn’t help feeling grateful for the dim light of the room, keeping James from seeing. A minute later strong thumbs were digging circles into his shoulder blades, the touch of his metal hand just slightly cool enough for Tony to register the difference, and he just about melted into the table.

Tony lost time for a bit, brain floating, hovering somewhere between awake and asleep. He was vaguely aware of James in the room, his hands working steadily over his back, pulling him closer to consciousness as he worked out a few particularly tight knots before Tony would drift away again, equations floating in and out of his head, gone before he could work out what they solved.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when James moved his hands down to his lower back, making a soft noise under his breath.

“You’re really tight here,” he murmured, and Tony couldn’t help appreciating how his voice was lower and softer now, like he knew Tony wasn’t all there at the moment. “This might be tender for a moment, but it will help you in the long run. Is that alright?”

Tony hummed out something that hopefully passed for an affirmative, doing his best not to tense up as he prepared himself. James’s hands settled on his lower back, either side of his spine, just above the swell of his ass. He pushed down and up, with enough force that Tony’s entire body shifted along the table and -

Oh.

Tony’s eyes popped open, suddenly wide awake. The fact that James had enough strength to move him so easily was super hot, but Tony was having a difficult time focusing on that right now. Apparently he’d been too dreamy to notice before, but he was hard. And not the normal plumping of his cock against his thigh that occasionally happened. He was almost fully hard. James pressed in again, shifting his body on the table and inadvertently grinding Tony’s cock against the table. Tony bit down hard on his lower lip to stifle the moan that threatened to slip out as little sparks of pleasure shot up his spine.

“Sorry,” James hummed after a moment. “You’re tensing up a little. Is that too much?”

Tony swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. “No,” he managed, clearing his throat when it came out a little squeaky. “No, it’s fine.” He did his best to relax as James continued his ministrations, taking slow, deep breaths, eyes fluttering with each slow grind of his dick against the sheet. His hands, thankfully hidden where the sheet was pulled up to his hips, were clenching and releasing against his thighs as he tried to think about all the paperwork waiting for him and not the fact that he could feel himself getting harder, his arousal growing.

He breathed a soft sigh of relief when James took a step back from the table, hoping it would come across as just being relaxed from the massage. This was okay; if he didn’t have James forcefully grinding him against the table (which was hotter than it should be even if Tony hadn’t already been rock hard) he could focus on something else, get his body to calm the fuck down. It was absolutely fine.

He held onto that hope right up until James was pulling the sheet up over his back again and then moving down the table to uncover his right leg. Because right, Tony had mentioned that he had some pain in his hips and glutes. This wasn’t uncommon -- they usually worked on that area when he came in for his regular sessions. But somehow it had never felt so sexual when Louise did it. Tony was certain he made some kind of noise when James tucked the sheet in under the leg of his briefs to hold it in place with quick, professional movements, but if he heard, James thankfully didn’t comment. Then his strong fingers were digging in at the tops of Tony’s thighs and the bottom of his ass and Tony felt his eyes flutter, doing his best not to hold his breath at the touch.

He’d always been sensitive to this part, but it had never been quite this much of a problem before. He was no longer drifting, hyper aware of the press of each of James’s individual fingers. Tony could feel the back of his neck burning with embarrassment; he was closer to fifty than not, had thought these types of spontaneous erections were well behind him. Poor James was just trying to do his damn job, and here Tony was acting like the worst kind of pervert businessman cliche. He shifted at a particular movement, and winced when he felt the damp spot against his skin, actually leaking precome into his briefs. He might as well just ask for a happy ending while he was at it. Tony was never getting a massage again.

He managed to stay calm while James worked over his leg, and then moved to the other one, and despite everything he had to admit that his hips did feel a lot more relaxed. When James stepped back again, Tony couldn’t help hoping that the massage was finally over so he could sneak off upstairs and take a very long, hot, loud shower.

Of course, he wasn’t that lucky.

Once James had covered him up fully again, he moved back up to the head of the table, standing just to the side of it. Tony tried not to think about the fact that if he just turned his head, James’ cock would be right there. Tried not to imagine sucking him off while he was still propped against the table.

“Okay,” James said. “I want to do some more work on your neck. You still seem awfully tense. I’m going to lift the sheet a little, and I’ll just get you to roll over onto your back and slide down a bit so your head is fully on the table.”

“Um. That’s okay, actually,” Tony told the floor. “We... You don’t need to do that. Actually, we can just call it there, if you want. I’m sure you have... things to do.”

There was a brief moment of hesitation. “Is... Was something wrong?” James asked cautiously. “I didn’t...” Tony caught the faint whirring sound of James rolling his prosthetic wrist. “I didn’t hurt you or anything, did I?”

“No!” Tony said quickly, feeling like a complete asshole. James had just started this job, was probably worried about not making it the week when Tony just couldn’t keep it in his pants. “No,” he said again. “It’s not that at all. It was great. Wonderful, even. One of the best massages I’ve ever had. I really enjoyed it. I just, uh. I really enjoyed it.”

“Oh!” James said, and Tony had to give him credit, he was quick on the uptake. There was a soft huff that may have been laughter, but Tony didn’t get the impression he was laughing at him. “That’s fine, Tony, honestly. It happens all the time. And I’ll be focusing on your neck, so I’m more than happy to continue the massage as long as you’re comfortable.”

“Gonna be too comfortable,” Tony grumbled before he could stop himself, and there was definitely a snort of laughter from James that time, although he quickly cut it off, clearing his throat instead. He was waiting patiently, and Tony wasn’t sure how to explain that this wasn’t exactly a half-chub, that he was rock hard and leaking, without it turning into a sexual harassment suit. He sighed softly. He really was still tense, and some masochistic part of him didn’t want this to be over yet. “Okay,” he said.

His voice was little more than a whisper, but James must have heard anyway. He moved again, lifting the sheet by Tony’s head just enough to give him space to shift around. Tony squirmed his way lower first, suddenly hyper conscious of the way his ass must look through the thin fabric. He chewed at his lip as his cock rubbed against the table again, and then, keeping his eyes closed, he rolled over onto his back.

It was a bit of a relief, actually, and his cock thickened further, no longer compressed against the table. He didn’t have to look to know that he was tenting the sheet, and if it wasn’t for the briefs keeping him somewhat contained, he was pretty sure it would have been waving hello. Tony could feel his cheeks flushing darker. There was a moment of silence from James, and Tony didn’t dare open his eyes to see what he was thinking.

“Okay!” he said suddenly, and there was a note in his voice that Tony couldn’t quite place. “Okay...” He lowered the sheet around Tony’s chest and then moved away from the table. Tony heard the rustle of fabric and risked cracking an eyelid open to find James gathering up the heavier weighted blanket from the corner. They’d forgone it for today, since the room was already quite warm, but he brought it over now, settling it over Tony from his toes to his waist. “Thought that might make you a little more comfortable,” he said softly, like it was a secret outside the professional aspect of their situation. Tony felt his heart lighten with relief and something else, and opened his eyes farther just in time to catch James’ gaze as he straightened back up.

“Uh, thanks,” Tony murmured, their eyes locked in the dim light of the room. There was a heavy weight to it, like they were the only two people in the world, and then James was smiling at him and moving back behind Tony’s head and the moment was gone.

Tony let his eyes fall shut again as James started working over his neck and upper chest, doing his best to let himself relax and somehow ignore the hardon that was currently begging his attention. He was half successful, enough that when James finally pulled back completely, he was a little startled by how much time had passed.

“Okay,” James said, his voice a quiet rumble that sent shivers up Tony’s spine. “We’re done for today. Can I get you a glass of water, or anything?”

“Nah,” Tony mumbled, still feeling drowsy and hazy. He blinked up at James, catching a faint smile on his face that could almost be described as fond. “Thanks,” he added. “This was... Thanks.”

James’s smile grew. “It was my pleasure,” he assured him. “It was very nice to meet you, Tony. Maybe I’ll see you again.”

“I’d really like that,” Tony told him, before wincing because that was not a thing you say to your massage therapist. What was wrong with him today?

But James didn’t sound concerned, laughing softly. “Okay, I’m going to head out now. Take your time getting dressed, and try not to stand up too fast,” he said, and when Tony glanced over at him, there was the faintest hint of a smirk on his face. “Wouldn’t want you to get dizzy from low... blood pressure.”

Tony blinked up at the ceiling for a long minute after the door had shut softly behind James. “Did he just...?” He couldn’t help giggling a little, some of his self consciousness fading away. He blew out a long breath, rubbing a hand absently over his thigh. “Fuck. Stark, I think you might be in trouble.”

***

The second the door had clicked into place behind him, Bucky had to take a minute to lean against it, exhaling softly. That had been the worst session of his life -- and he had loved every second of it.

Bucky had always had a bit of a crush on Tony Stark, okay? Bucky loved technology, and the man was an absolute genius. The ideas he came up with never failed to blow his mind. And if he’d spent more than one drunk and lonely night googling images of his butt, that was between him and his search history. So when he’d come out of his massage training, and his old friend Steve had suggested applying to SI while they were catching up over drinks and rock climbing (not in that order), he’d figured, why not? The thought had honestly never occurred to him, and it certainly had never occurred to him that they would actually hire him.

And it had definitely never occurred to him that he would be working on Tony Stark himself.

When he’d gotten the appointment booking, he’d nearly had a heart attack. He’d spent the whole day debating calling out sick, but he knew that wouldn’t be a good look in his first week. So Bucky had pulled himself together and told himself to be a goddamn professional.

And then Mr. “Call Me Tony” Stark had walked in, and Bucky had nearly fallen on the floor. He was even hotter in person, all sparkling eyes and a smile Bucky would melt for. But he was also funnier than Bucky had expected, so easy to talk to and get along with, and not at all the rich asshole that he had been preparing himself for. Bucky was pretty sure he was in love.

***

“Steeeve.” Tony flopped down in the seat opposite to his best friend, setting his sunglasses on the table. “I think I’m in love.”

“Oh yeah?” Steve didn’t even look up from the sketch he was working on, which was just rude if you asked Tony. “And who’s the lucky person? Or is it another robot?” He did look up then, looking inordinately proud of himself, and Tony just glared back at him until Steve relented and rolled his eyes. “Alright, I’m sorry. I’m listening.”

“Well I don’t wanna tell you now,” Tony grumbled at the table. Steve didn’t answer, just waiting him out, and it only took a minute for him to start squirming. “You’re gonna make fun of me.”

“Bold of you to assume I’m not already,” Steve retorted, brushing an imaginary piece of lint off his shirt.

Tony rolled his eyes -- the defining trait of their friendship. “Stop trying to talk like a teenager, asshole. You’re not that much younger than me.”

Steve just smirked back at him before smacking his foot against Tony’s under the table. “Come on, pal. Spill. It can’t be that bad. What? Some 80-year-old scientist? An exotic dancer? A new intern? Oh god, is this like those two weeks when you were convinced that Pepper was your future wife?” He laughed as Tony looked less and less impressed. “Come on, Tony, I’m running out of business man cliches here. What, is it your massage therapist, or—“ The smile dropped off Steve’s face when he saw the way Tony’s eyes widened. “Oh, Tony no.” He looked around, suddenly realizing that they were in an open air cafe where anybody could be listening. “Seriously?” he hissed.

“I know.” Tony dropped his head to the table, burying it in his arms with a low groan. “I know how it sounds. It’s the worst.”

There was a beat and then Steve’s hand settled on the top of his head, fingers rubbing briefly over his scalp. Even though he was still mad at him, Tony couldn’t help smiling into his arms, leaning into the comforting touch.

“Cheer up,” Steve told him, although he didn’t sound totally convinced of what he was saying. “It’s not so bad. Stranger things have happened. How long have you been feeling this way?”

“Since I met him.”

“Which was..?”

Tony hesitated before lifting his head enough to give Steve sheepish eyes. “Yesterday?”

Steve made a pained noise. “Jesus, Tony.”

“I know . It’s fucking embarrassing.”

Steve got his face on and Tony resisted the urge to kick him in the shin. “Look, I get how you could have certain… Feelings from a massage.”

Tony rolled his eyes skyward, and Steve stuck his tongue out at him in return.

“But you can’t confuse touch with real emotions, Tony.”

“It’s not like that!” Tony protested. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, the touch was nice. Like. really nice--,”

“ Tony .”

“But it was more than that. He just… I don’t know. He was gorgeous, but he was also sweet and funny and he made a dumb joke before he left and… I don’t know,” he said again. “People get so weird, sometimes, but he didn’t even blink when I walked into the room. We just clicked. It felt like he really saw me.”

Steve blew out his cheeks, mouth twisting up into a sympathetic grimace. “Hey, it could work. Maybe you’ll… Lose all your money and have to fire him, so you’ll be on equal footing?”

Tony stared at him blankly for a long moment and then groaned loudly, the sound turning to a long, drawn out whine as he draped himself face first on the table. Steve gestured to the server for more coffee and leaned forward to pat Tony on the back.

“Cheer up, pal. It’ll be okay. Hey, I’m going axe throwing this weekend with my friend from high school. You wanna come along? Might help get your stress out.”

Tony lifted his head long enough to give Steve a baleful glance and then dropped back down with an even louder whine.

@tonystarkbingo

#tonystarkbingo2020 #tsb2020 #winteriron #tony stark #bucky barnes #warfalcon #james rhodes #sam wilson #pepper potts #steve rogers #humor #fic #my fic

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afishlearningpoetry · 5 years

Note

I saw your comment on John faking his suicide. That isn’t how I see it but I’m curious to know your Thoughts?

Started typing this and it got longer so hope you don’t mind publishing this so others might see what I mean. (Referring to this post)

The general idea plot-wise behind it is that by faking his suicide, John is avoiding the clutches of Mary, who he knows faked her death and is hunting him.

In-universe, John’s blog is updating with the altered exploits of series 4 and ending with The Final Problem to cover up what really happened and people are reading it. Meanwhile, John faked his own suicide and left enough clues (like your post) so that when the news gets out that he killed himself, people connect the dots between what he wrote and his actions and think that really happened (while also covering up the part where he and Sherlock tried to kill her lol). John will even let Sherlock think that he killed himself, not letting him in on the plan (also part of your post), and it’s likely that series 5 will open with him thinking that’s what happened. John and Sherlock worked together to take her down but still aren’t talking about Reichenbach, because that would involve admitting their feelings, so John still isn’t willing to completely trust him (there’s all that jealousy throughout The Six Thatchers that him and Mary had an affair –– and while John ultimately concludes Sherlock is human at the end of TFP, he isn’t able to answer where his romantic feelings lie, per the ending of TLD). It’s basically a double deception; John altered the truth and then told another lie through that action to trick everyone into accepting his death because that must be all there is to it, there’s no other secret explanation going on because the fake blog posts vs. his suicide was already extreme enough, so that no one will suspect him faking it to avoid the woman he tried to kill.

But most of the foreshadowing comes from The Abominable Bride. The Mr./Mrs. Carmichael dynamic can be seen across every set of characters antagonistic to each other; the Carmichaels themselves, Sherlock to Moriarty, Moriarty to Sherlock, John to Mary… one of them is hiding a secret and the other fakes their death to get revenge for it, and thus Mary to John is the last one. There are several parallels to what the relationship is talking about, but the thing to remember is that this is Sherlock’s mind post-HLV, including his own subconscious feelings and intuitions. On the most obvious layer, Sherlock is thinking about Moriarty; Moriarty is wearing Ricoletti’s/Mrs. Carmichel’s dress and appears in the basement in her place, so that’s just surface-level text. At the same time, Sherlock is also thinking about himself; he faked his own death in order to further a greater cause and stop an evil man.

There’s also unintentional foreshadowing on Sherlock’s part; Mary faked her own death to get revenge on John, who tried to kill her. Mary is wearing the black dress as the title “The Abominable Bride” flashes across the screen, there are a lot of parallels there.

But the most important thing is that Sherlock is really projecting his feelings about the deteriorating relationship between John and Mary onto the Carmichaels. John just recently found out about Mary’s dark past she kept a secret, which puts her in the position of Mr. Carmichael. John thus is also Mrs. Carmichael, which explains why Sherlock is so defensive of her and so antagonistic to her husband throughout the episode. Sherlock is coming to the realization that Mary’s past is going to come back to haunt her, and Sherlock is going to have to protect him from her (of course, this means that John fittingly one-ups/outwits him by faking his own suicide, which is part of why the plan works).

There’s also a bit of an ego/id thing going on here, because in Sherlock’s mind, John has gotten over her past and forgave her and still loves her, which is why he shoots Magnussen so they can be together, so Mrs. Carmichael on the surface for most of the episode is very kind and worrying about her husband. Then that kind of flips in the backend when Sherlock realizes she worked with the brides to kill him, so it’s fitting that in the next episode he and John worked together to kill her.

There are other important parallels of course, and the more you look the more there are –– the red rug in the TLD therapy office looks like a pool of blood spilling from John, and in TAB when Sherlock runs to find the source of the screaming, he finds a large spilling of blood in the rug before Mrs. Carmichael –– another indicator that Sherlock will think at first that John is dead (because the series is operating on those multiple levels, and John also has a role in being Mr. Carmichael –– meaning the blood spill applies to both Mary as Mrs. Carmichael being somehow responsible, and also John doing it to himself as both of them, to the end of faking his own death, which Sherlock is shocked by and doesn’t realize the deception of at first).

So at the bare minimum, there are three plot levels operating in series 4 –– the altered text, the in-universe reaction behind the altered text, and what John is really doing, and all of them have everything to do with what John is thinking and feeling. That some fans are thinking that maybe John did shoot/try to kill himself (either by his own will or Mary’s influence) is indicative of why John’s plan is so smart –– this means that the people in-universe (and thus fans, casual and most hardcore –– and who knows, maybe even the in-universe fan club) will believe it/not fully understand what’s going on when the episode opens. Every major character, Sherlock, Moriarty, and Mary have faked their own deaths, so it’s fitting that John gets the last laugh, because of what’s learned from all of them. In short, John is also the abominable bride.

None of this means that John isn’t at his lowest point just because he didn’t actually hurt himself –– by telling this fake story, by writing, believing in, and submitting himself to the secretly terrifying and emotional death spiral, John is still just as captive to those thoughts, those feelings, and those impulses as the version of himself that he’s writing. He believes in the ending shot of series 4 with the two of them frozen in time. There’s ultimately an in-universe self-awareness Joh has writing series 4, which is why it’s so believable and works.

I explained it more here. This is the quickest explanation lol. And this series talks about those connections more. #tw suicide #tw self harm

#sherlock bbc #tjlc #series 4 #the abominable bride #asks #the six thatchers #the lying detective #the final problem #john as the author #meta #his last vow #series 3 #coffeeteaitsallfine

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all-things-skam · 5 years

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I’d love to see number 7 for Crisana. Really enjoy your writing 🙈

Well I think that Crisana is way to underrated and I would totally love to read something about them Maybe even with the girls And thank you for all those great fics

7. ‘‘Let’s keep it a secret for a bit longer.’‘

Title:

Ship: Skam Espana | Cris Soto and Joana Bianchi (Crisana)

Hosting a party wasn’t the initial plan when Cris faked being sick but, she wasn’t mad at the idea. Granted, her parents won’t ever allow her to stay home alone again if they ever learn about the party but, it was worth the risk. Cris had never hosted before, this was pretty exciting. And, it was the perfect occasion to present Joana to Amira.

Talking about Joana, the purple haired girl hadn’t packed for a party but, unlike Cris, she wasn’t the kind of girl who spent hours on her outfit, hair and makeup. A bit of mascara and eyeliner, her classic double tee shirts combo and a pair of pants and she was good to go.

Returning from her shower, Joana walked into Cris’s room, damp hair and fresh eyed. She smiled, seeing the blonde sitting on her bed, hair up in a high pony, fully concentrating as she applied her lipstick.

“Trying to steal my look?”

Cris frowned, turning to look at Joana a bit confused. “What?”

Joana smiled, nodding at the purple tube in Cris’s hands. “Your lipstick matches my hair.”

It took Cris a few seconds to catch on. “Oh!” She chuckled. “It was totally unintentional.”

Joana sat on the bed, pulling her small makeup bag from her backpack, and kissed Cris’s cheek. “Looks good on you. You’re beautiful.”

A tint of pink appeared on Cris’s cheeks. “Thanks… I have a blue and a green too.”

“Does that mean I’ll have to dye my hair blue and green so we can match at parties?”

“No.” Cris chuckled, shaking her head. “Idiot.”

They finished getting ready together, playing a bit of music and sharing kisses until the girls showed up.

While setting everything up inside and hiding the costly things, Cris had told Joana she could invite her friends too but the purple haired girl had shook her head, saying she didn’t feel like seeing them tonight. Her response made Cris suspicious, as if Joana was hiding something, but she didn’t push.

By 10pm, the appartement was full. Music was blasting from the living room speakers and everyone was dancing and drinking and having fun. For a first party, Cris would say it was a success.

Definitely a success, she thought as her back was pressed against a wall, Joana’s lips and body pressed against hers, tasting the cheap beer on her tongue. They had ditched everyone, locking themselves in Cris’s room for a few minutes to shamelessly make out. Cris scraped her pointy fingernails at Joana’s scalp, fingers tugging at the purple locks, small moans to escape their lips.

“As much as I’d like to do this all night, we can’t stay here,” Cris said, reluctantly breaking the kiss, her face still so close to Joana’s.

“Why not? We’re cosy here, aren’t we?” Joana raised her eyebrows and slid a hand around the blonde’s waist, fingers pressing at the warm skin of Cris’s bare midrift.

The offer was tempting but, Cris couldn’t allow herself to vanish for too long. The appartment was under her responsability and, if anyhting were to happen to it - or, under its roof -, her parents would never trust her again. “This is my party, I need to be out there, making sure no one breaks anything or steal-” Joana cashed their lips together, interrupting the blonde. “And, I want to introduce you to the girls.”

At the mention of the girls, Joana’s expression shifted. “I…I changed my mind.” Cris pulled her eyebrows, misunderstanding Joana’s words, causing her to think she wanted to break up. “No! Not about us. I just- Let’s keep it a secret for a bit longer.” Joana smiled at her, cupping her cheek gently.

“Why? Only yesterday you sounded excited to meet them.”

“I know… I’m sorry Cris, I-”

She shook her head, tilting Joana’s chin. “I’m fine keeping you to myself for a bit longer,” Cris said, grin on her purple coated lips. “It’s just, Amira’s gonna be so bummed. She was really excited to finally meet you.”

Joana vaguely knew who Amira was, having seen her around school a couple times but, from what Cris had told her, she seemed like a really good friend - after all, she was the first person Cris confided to about them. She was also her closest and oldest friend so having Amira’s support meant the world to Cris.

Joana sighed. “Okay. Just her,” she compromised, unable to say no to Cris’s sad and pouty face.

''Amira!'' Cris called after her best friend, seeing her walking out of the kitchen.

Joana was standing close behind, practically breathing in her personal space...not that Cris minded. It's was the closest they could get to kissing without raising attention.

Amira looked around, smiling when she saw Cris and going over, fastening her pace after catching sight of a purple haired girl behind Cris.

''Amira, this is Joana. Joana, Amira,'' Cris introduced, pointing to the girls's respective name.

''Oh! So you're the Joana. It's nice to finally meet you.''

The way she said it, she sounded like Cris had talked a lot about Joana. Cris twisted her face, silently telling Amira to stop it but she ignored her, instead telling Cris to stop looking at her like that and Joana joining in, talking about the many weird faces of Cris.If she would've never introduced them if she had know they would team up against her.

The blonde sighed. ''Stop it you two...''

#crisana #cris soto #cris x joana #joana bianchi #skam españa #skamesp #crisana fic #I need to get more used to writing about them

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092219archive · 5 years

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oH IF UR STILL TAKING THAT SONG ASK THING-- bloodsport by raleigh ritchie

Send me a song and I’ll tell you which f/o it makes me think of

I LISTENED TO IT AND OHHH MY GODDD

chi, you slammed the “what and how eren envisions their selfships to be like.” absolutely decimated the head of the nail, and the entire thing while you’re at it. i was struggling to decide whether this was an ephraim or ozymandias song (as they are my main s/os), but certain verses helped me decide that it was definitely an ozy kind of song! but idate could also... be a choice for a song like this... another time-

immediately, the song starts off with “nothing is perfect but your; imperfections are quaint” which stabbed me in the heart when i listened to that, because... well, i selfship to cope with insecurities and life issues, you know? something that i continue to struggle with are the many flaws i have, and it’s difficult to accept myself when i know things are wrong with me. i always get thoughts of “i can play around with ozy/eren because eren’s a flexible and fictional character, just like ozy. but i can’t play around with ozy/real eren, because real eren is kind of gross.” but i guess something i’ve always appreciated are people that can be patient with me, because i’m a double-edged sword a lot of the times. i’m lucky to have people in my life that are willing to stick around with me, and also people who encourage me to do better.

ozy being patient is a weird thought, but not impossible. that’s because everything is already his, and if it’s not his, you’re wrong. it’s his. manchild. i imagine that... if ozy loves eren (i use “eren” as a temporary placeholder for actual me right now, because writing “ozy and i/me and ozy” is making me so unbelievably uncomfortable), i feel like he’d be patient with eren and their gross habits and behaviors, their unhealthy reclusive attitude, their crude language... eren is you could say, “already his” considering his high status -- just needs a bit of... polishing, refinement. maybe some major fixes here and there.

“and your love is worth it; and for that i will wait” is something i’m a bit iffy on though, because it’s really difficult for me to stay committed? it’s... very inconsistent -- how long i stick around and such. i haven’t been in a romantic relationship under good conditions, so i can’t really say that i’d be a “super devoted person” since i don’t have experience. i like to imagine that ozy would be able to recognize that maybe eren was someone that could love in a way that was unique, something that hits you when you least expect it, or maybe even when they’re gone. and so he wants to keep them around, even if there’s a bunch of daily missions he has to complete and side quests he has to fulfill to get what exactly he wants.

i do see myself as a chore, and that’s because i feel like a chore. i can play stupid on purpose, or it can be unintentional. i can play “hard to get” because i know what the other person wants, or i don’t. and sometimes when you’re not looking, i can leave but i won’t disappear completely. if someone and i don’t have a routine schedule, then things’ll fall apart on my end. there’s a lot to watch for. but thinking of ozy being able to push through all of that, to see past those habits and thoughts i get, it’s... really comforting. he kind of... knows that i’m more than what i make myself to be. you’re worth every second, kind of thing... yells softly

“i drive you crazy but you; always return” can either be “eren’s sept. 2018 - apr. 2019 ozy slowburn era,” or it can be scenarios of ozy “spicing” things up to keep things interesting. to get closer to eren, he keeps things unpredictable and hits them when they’re weakest, but i don’t mean that in a bad way. ozy would keep eren on their toes, and when they’re expecting something from him, he doesn’t provide. he keeps them guessing, and when eren wants answers, they’ll get their answers. and he knows that they will. if he keeps doing what he does (and he will), then eren will always be falling into whatever card he plays next. it’s a cycle that they’ll never win, but they’re determined to get what they want just as much as ozy is.

“if i fall short; if i break rank... // i am all yours;... i’m on all fours, willingly down” shows just how set ozy is on making sure he’s showing his devotion to whatever the two can have. he knows there’s some chemistry brewing, and he wants to ensure that [chemical] equilibrium. the wording isn’t something he would exactly say, but his motives show more what he means. it’s like in some of his voice lines where he says, “me, accompanying you to save humanity? wrong! it is you, who is accompanying me to save humanity!” it’s not really possessive speech or actions, but a reminder of the two’s positions when you consider him into the equation.

but by the end of the day, this is ultimately a master/servant relationship. if something he does boosts their fragile ego and it benefits him, then you can almost bet that he will dive right in. a strong master means an even stronger servant. he won’t really “lower” himself, but he’ll probably raise eren to a status nearly as high as his own. buuut, not necessarily. i’m having a difficult time putting what i mean into words 💦

“loving you is a bloodsport; fighting in a love war” is the title of the song, which is nice! but i got some analyzing and thinking to do-

i feel like, with the circumstances that eren and ozy are in, it’s really difficult to find time to “love” each other properly. rather, eren can’t love him back properly. they have to save humanity and fix the singularities, they have to work on saving themselves (as cheesy as it sounds), and getting other servants involved in the saving of humanity is already terrifying enough. loving someone with these burdens on their shoulders, especially something they can’t carry, is a struggle because god knows what will happen if you step too close.

but the thing with ozy is that, he’s spoken to gods. hell, he’s the pharaoh. what’s a master of chaldea to him? only someone he’ll conquer, just like anyone else that stepped on his path to getting what he desires.

“although you love me, sometimes we meet. things can get ugly, but we’re still a team” is something that’s like... they probably get into disagreements about the correct choice, or course they should take. what exactly is bad for eren, what exactly is good for ozy -- but they’re accommodating for each other’s needs. just, differently. and right after those lyrics, it’s “we are an army; the brakes are within // but that’s why we’re stronger; and that’s how we’ll win” which portrays exactly how i imagine things should be. they’re not going to get along 100% well at first. they’ll click, maybe, but learning about their differences, both obvious ones and those less so, help them build on each other to better themselves and achieve what they want to achieve. like i’ve been mentioning -- he knows there’s something going on, but he wants to make sure that it works. it’s like one of those symbiotic relationships in biology, or something.

“it’s not what i’m in love for; i know but i don’t know if you can help it // baby, i’m just being selfish” these also have big ozy vibes!! maybe he wasn’t actually considering on falling in love because everything is of equal value to him. it’s not like he liked the master of chaldea when they came strolling into his pyramid anyways. maybe he wanted to establish a strong master/servant bond because that’s one of the primary rules of the holy grail war (except this is the big one, and humanity is on the line), because he realizes that he’s being held back by something, which would presumably be eren.

and then he sees this weird, damaged magus and he takes interest, because this person looks just like moses for whatever reason -- and maybe it was their eyes, or certain emotions they showed -- and he invests more time into them, wondering just how and why he made that connection in the first place, and he tries to pursue something that doesn’t want to be chased, and he sees the blood and the cracks on their hands and self, and he wonders just how, exactly, did he get where he did, but he’s already so far down the rabbit hole that he keeps going and going into territory that’s dangerous and prohibited. but this is the same man that conquered leaders and land, and created structure for his people, and has had poems and movies made about him.

he’s already dedicated. he’s been that way since the beginning of time, and quite literally. there’s no reason to back down and out.

“i’ll curse the day that they return; with a smile on my face; as their heads hit the floor” is... well, excluding the cursing part, but this is how ozy is in f/go 💦 he’s always smiling! he’s always having fun!! the nerve!!!

“what i’m tryna say is; i’ll protect you ‘till the day i’ll meet my maker // so don’t fight me now; ‘cause you might need me later” kind of makes me feel like he could be referring to the database he comes from, and how he’ll be with you to get some answers from the king of mages. “i’ll poke fun at you, but i’ll stick around, especially for your final fight” thing... uuuううううー

#long post #thank you so much for the ask chi!!#and this song's so good i'm so weark #chiliechii #eren chats

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hockey-jews · 6 years

Text

For anyone who wants to learn more about Judaism! Also, kind of a post about how to deal with some Things and Stuff. This is a long post so I’ll put it under a read more for those interested:

This is really for an anonymous message I got that described struggles with things that I think many of us struggle with or have in the past: not being “Jewish enough” in the eyes of other Jews due to your heritage being on the “wrong” side (read; on your father’s side), yet still experiencing antisemitism from goyim. Not learning very much, if anything, about Judaism as a child but wanting to learn more as an adult. Not being comfortable with some traditions or laws of Judaism because you are a) a feminist b) LGBT c) an atheist. Living in a place with few to no Jewish spaces. Not feeling welcome in the Jewish community due to any or all of these things.

Book recs!

If you’re the kind of person who enjoys reading (or can at least tolerate it) I highly recommend these books! They’re all books that I have either read/started reading/or plan on reading. (Please keep in mind that none of these are Jewish texts such as the Torah or the Talmud and that I do understand the importance of such religious texts but am not recommending them because I feel those are obvious sources of information)

A Bride for One Night if you aren’t familiar with the Talmud, it’s a collection of writings and explanations of Jewish laws and traditions and it’s old as balls. The author of this book, Ruth Calderon, takes a bunch of Talmudic stories and makes them into these wonderful beautiful stories that are easier to read than the original ones from the 3rd and 6th centuries. Even if you don’t know anything about the Talmud this book is so fascinating and fun to read.

The G-d Who Hates Lies is literally perfect for you if you have issues with how women are viewed and treated in the most traditional sense of Judaism. It’s a really great criticism by people who are extremely qualified to make those criticisms (both are rabbi’s and I think they both have doctorates in theology, specifically Modern Orthodox Judaism, which makes for a really cool viewpoint). I can’t find anything about the third author of this book, who is a woman, but it’s comforting to know that a woman had a part in this as well. Obviously these people love Judaism, they just want to see it adapt to modernity. Just in general it’s a really thoughtful book that challenges dogma.

Jewish Literacy was recommended by an anon (thank you!) The rest of the title is “The Most Important Things to Know about The Jewish Religion, Its People and Its History” so like. Ya get what ya see here folks. HOWEVER I did see a review that mentions there is some Islamophobia and hostility towards Jews who are antizionist. It does genuinely look informative and I haven’t read it myself so I can’t attune to whether or not that review is accurate, but maybe be cautious if you read this in knowing that the author may not be objective.

Book of Mercy made me openly weep and feel something tender and weird in my heart and like. Okay so it’s not informative so much as it’s a book of poetry by Leonard Cohen (he was Jewish if you didn’t know!) He calls his poems “modern psalms” and honestly this would be a good read even if you aren’t religious at all because his writing is just so gorgeous. But it does have references to Judaism and his identity as a Jew

Understanding Judaism is really a “building blocks” kind of book to me, if that makes sense? It’s really informative but also really basic and is fantastic for people who know very little about Judaism or just want a well presented understanding of the core aspects of the Jewish religion. Even if you aren’t a Jew who’s looking to learn or someone who is considering conversion it’s still a good book if you’re interested in world religions regardless of your faith or lack thereof. (man I’m starting to sound pretentious lmao I just mean like, if you’re an atheist or Catholic or whatever, it’s pretty interesting and also this guy is kinda dorky-funny so it makes for an easier read than some other books about religion)

Shmooze I think this is meant to be more for a group to read an discuss, and like, also maybe meant for a younger audience (I’m talking about teenagers so not really that young, but if you’ve been reading dull infodumps by 90 y/o Jewish rabbis with doctorate degrees this is gonna be a change of pace lmao) I should mention that I’ve only read like two pages of this book because I saw it at Barnes and Noble and just kinda briefly checked it out so I don’t know a ton about it but it stuck in my head and the reviews look positive so

Obvious I don’t think you have to read all of those because I haven’t even read all of those so maybe just check one of them out if it seems like it could be helpful to you.

Judaism here on tumblr dot com:

Okay so like. This is really my personal diced onion so take it however you will but keep in mind that this really only reflects things I’ve come across and how I feel.

Obviously there are a lot of really great blogs about Judaism but I don’t have any specific ones to recommend I’m sorry :O I really really hate ~Discourse~ and like, in-depth arguments about the Holocaust because I get so wrapped up in it and let’s be honest, tumblr is all about the discourse and ignorance. That being said, I like to follow other people who are Jewish and blog about whatever because that usually leads to safer discussions and also is a great way to find really helpful thoughts and discussions by other Jews about topics like being LGBT, being a woman, being an atheist, etc. These are just nice to read and also if you aren’t familiar with certain Yiddish or Hebrew terms that are commonly used it’s a good way to see how and when they’re used in certain contexts.

I’m going to tag anything like this that I post here as “good info” just so me and anyone who wants can find this stuff easier. No they won’t necessarily have anything to do with hockey.

Also please be very careful when you’re reading a post that is presenting certain things as facts, always double check what someone is saying because misinformation is spread so quickly, and it’s almost always unintentional. The things that I find genuinely helpful/safe/fun involve opinions, common feelings and experiences, little personal stories and jokes, cool stuff like that.

I’m Jewish on my father’s side :0

Me too boo. Unfortunately that’s an unending discussion, and one that is often held by matrilineal Jews and doesn’t actually include patrilineal Jews, nor does it consider our thoughts/feelings/experiences. Without sounding like an idiot, it is absolutely buckwild to me that there are people who have been raised Jewish, have never known anything other than Jewish tradition, have been subject to antisemitism, but still aren’t considered Jewish.

And then this is where I see matrilineal Jews who hold this viewpoint bring up Reform Judaism, which is one of the three main branches of Judaism and does recognize patrilineall Jews as Jews. I’ve seen some discrepancy as to whether or not patrilineal Jews had to have been raised Jewish in order to be considered Jewish. This is all well and good for Jews like me whose family practices Reform Judaism, but for patrilineal Jews who wish to practice in an Orthodox or Conservative synagogue, it gets tricky.

Basically, yes this is a huge topic that inspires a lot of disagreement, and that sucks, but here’s what it comes down to. No one else is allowed to make you feel inferior because of your heritage. So many people, even modern Orthodox Jews, recognize that certain aspects of Judaism need to adapt to today’s society. I don’t want to offend anyone here, but I really do feel that most matrilineal Jews who don’t consider us Jewish are extremely hypocritical (for a lot of reasons but mostly like...y’all really follow every aspect of Jewish Law? Like do you really? All of it? Girl do u? Or are you maybe just being elitist). Learning about your heritage, talking about shared experiences, combating antisemitism, these are all things that are fair game for you (especially for the anon who said they were atheist) and going to Shabbat services, praying, participating in holy days. That’s all yours if you want it, bubbeleh.

Can I be an atheist Jew?

Sure you can! I, personally, am not an atheist so I wasn’t comfortable finding specific resources about this because I don’t really know much about it? It’s fine with me if you’re atheist that’s none of my business, I just don’t want to direct you to a bad source. But yes, many Jews are atheist, many are secular, I’m sure there are many here on tumblr. It’s absolutely okay, Judaism is an ethnoreligion, and while you may experience Judaism different than the rest of us, you’re still a Jew and still belong.

Here’s an excerpt from a short lil synopsis of Judaism:

These three connotations of Judaism as a monotheistic system, as a literary tradition, and as a historical culture are sometimes viewed separately. For example, there are Jews who see themselves as culturally Jewish, but who are also non-religious or atheist, often identifying more strongly with Jewish “peoplehood” than with traditional understandings of God and Torah. Even so, all Jews would recognize that these three points of reference have shaped and guided Jewish experience through the ages.

Jewish “peoplehood” that they talk about is like. Culture, customs, food, art, history, etc.

One last little note on this, you’ll hear a lot that Judaism focuses more on actions than on beliefs. This is an excellent article that is pretty short and worth reading that I want to include because I think that even if you don’t believe in G-d or even if you are seriously questioning, the focus on just. Doing good. Actively doing good things and trying to be a good person (I know that’s objective but bear with me) is a such a huge part of Judaism that you can try to incorporate into your life without having to subscribe to any sort of dogma or beliefs that you don’t hold. “Judaism is certainly a faith-based tradition. Belief in G-d is central to our religion. It just isn’t a prerequisite. If you are Jewish, you are so regardless of belief.”

But I’m a feminist....

As you should be. This is probably another personal statement you gon’ wanna take with a grain of salt, but I think Judaism, especially in the last 50 years or so, has made huge strides in this. Especially Reform Judaism, but that kind of goes without saying.

Example, my synagogue was founded as a Conservative synagogue. Our website still says we are. I’m not actually sure tbqh, like I said, my family are Reform Jews, and so are most other families in our congregation I think but this is literally the only synagoge for like hundreds of miles so. Anyways our rabbi is female (Rabbi Shaina!) and she does great work, we all love her. She’s really adament on teaching kids that gender shouldn’t keep you from anything, that Judaism is for all Jews, that it should enhance our lives. She wears a tallis, lays her tefillin, and reads from the Torah.

My point here is that while this isn’t like, the end of misogyny in Judaism as we know it, it’s still a big deal in most religions to have a woman as their religious leader, essentially a position of religious power. For men to accept a woman as a religious leader is not something that is super common in most religions. And we’re like, a tiny congregation over a hundred miles away from anyone else, technically a Conservative synagogue, that’s super loving and accepting of a feminist running our shit... female rabbis are super common and I think it speaks a lot to how we’re progressing as a religion. Reform Judaism is going to be your best bet when it comes to tolerance but knowing that all three of the main branches are progressing, at least with this, is really comforting to me.

However, that’s an extremely one sided view and doesn’t really show the issue as a whole. This super short article (? not sure) is a bit pessimistic in my mind but presents the other side of things and gives a good explanation of the traditional sources of misogyny in Judaism, so this could further your understanding as well.

By no means are we perfect but we’re workin on it. Look into Jewish Feminism though, if you have the time. That article is just a lil intro to the topic.

I’m Q*eer/LGBT and I’m not sure y’all are gonna be cool with that...

Well this one’s a doozy.

I’ll kick this right off by presenting an article that is objective and does not reflect the author’s opinion, just lays out the issues at hand. It also has some links to other good pieces, including one cool story about a transgender man, Rafi Daugherty, embracing his role as a father and details his experience with pregnancy and giving birth. I should mention that I am cisgender so I’m interpreting this article through a different point of view, but it really does make a point of celebrating Rafi and his daughter and sharing their story. It does include a little cultural background context, but this is a positive story that I think deserves to be shared :)

Then there’s this statement from the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism that confirms its absolute acceptance and support of LGBT Jews.

On the other side of things, there are still homophobic and intolerant Jews. Conversion camps were not just a Christian thing, there were Jewish conversion camps as well, which is horrific. Idk what to say because I think homophobia and transphobia in Judaism is really similar to what you would find in Christian settings.

I’m bisexual and I feel completely welcomed by other Jews who know this about me, and I certainly don’t feel any less Jewish because of it.

I live in a place where Jewish spaces are rare.

I really hate to disappoint with this one but I don’t have any specific sources or anything like that. Alls I got to say is that’s why the internet is so great? I really don’t feel like that’s helpful at all, but I think for the most part, the Jewish side of tumblr is pretty accepting and welcoming. Obviously that’s not always gonna be true though idkdjaskfl;dj

I spose with this one I wanna encourage anyone who has any good resources for involvement or something like that to reply to this post or drop by my inbox and let me know! Or maybe just your thoughts on some Jewish spaces you’ve encountered?

I hope this was helpful

In conclusion, don’t let anyone make you feel less Jewish. Your sexual identity, gender identity, and even your belief in G-d doesn’t take away from your Jewishness. I’d like to say that since I started delving into Judaism a little more I’ve found a lot of peace. And yeah that sounds cliche and also vague but it’s really a breath of fresh air to learn about my family and know more about this community. Also if you’re comfortable with or willing to try prayer, even if you’re atheist, it can be a good way to decompress sometimes, a really therapeutic kind of way to voice your thoughts and feelings and reflect on them.

There’s so much information and culture to delve into but it’s so so worth it to learn and I’m really happy for you that you’re interested in getting more in touch with your Jewish roots.

If any of these links don’t work and you’d like to see them let me know!

#this took 78 years sorry #ok for anyone to rb #there are TYPOS galore I'm sorry #judaism

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nautilusopus · 6 years

Note

4, 28, 39

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

40 (because I keep fucking adding to the list like a moron. All of them will be written, but I don’t want to start more than one multi-chapter thing in case it tempts me to slack off on my current project.

I’m not counting one-shots because the ETA on those is “whenever I’m in the mood to put something up and don’t have any chapters to write”. So longfics only, but these are the current active projects that all have a chance of being the next thing I work on (after The Pale Man which is a oneshot but something I really should have done by now):

Diaspora: Me making Advent Children not suck. The end product will only bear a superficial resemblance to Advent Children, but I think that’s for the best. Strong case for this one being next, just so people will know what I consider “baseline canon” more or less (starting with an AU was a mistake). Also I really really really want to write a thing where Cloud interacts with a whole lot of kids because I think he’d be great with them, and The Number I lends itself very poorly to that despite the hints of it that I managed to cram in. Motorcycles and Jenova cults and Reunion, oh my.

She That Waits: Better title pending. Silent Hill and It – two great tastes that taste great together. What’s Dead And Buried (aka that time I just posted chapter 18 of The Number I as its own story to see how many random passersby would be interested in it on its own merits) was actually me focus testing some things for this story. People seem to have responded positively, and this is officially the next thing on the list, so there is a strong case for it being the next main project.

BORD SHILLING. I LIKE BORB. [Better Title Pending]: Me yelling at Square for throwing around buzzwords. ANGEL WINGS DREAMS HONOUR DARKNESS SEE LOOK I CAN DO IT TOO. Postgame. For @limbostratus. Very sad, very sweet (I hope). Also probably kinda weird. Has priority due to being physically higher on the list and also for a friend. Also lower stakes than The Number I (though hopefully just as upsetting), which I think I might need.

Meddling Kids: Also high on the queue, also lower stakes, and probably a bit more lighthearted than some of the other stuff here. Modern Day AU. I’ve been enthusiastic about this idea for a while but just don’t have much of a plot for it yet. Pretty gay. Involves me printing out that one picture of Aeris wearing the skate-punk shorts and sneakers, grinding it into powder, and doing the entire rail off a picture of Bill Murray.

A Symphony For Crows [Better Title Pending, god that one’s pretentious]: Me scraping up the remains of a novel I once wanted to write ever since I was like ten before I realised I didn’t give a rat’s ass about the characters I created and was a thousand times more invested in the cast of some RPG from the nineties and threw out the whole thing. Original setting. High fantasy. Oldschool faeries. Probably very flowery. Inspired by The Snow Queen a bit. Potentially the longest fic on here, apart from…

[Title Pending]: Me violently spewing hatred at the VII fanbase via allegory. That’s not what this started out as, honestly, but I noticed after a while that that’s sure what was sneaking in as unintentional subtext, so I just decided to roll with it. Partially the remains of several scrapped RP campaigns, partially some headcanons that I have kicking around that I realised could form a coherent story. Will not be published without at least getting Diaspora out of the way first. It’ll be tricky to pull off, due to its length, due to the fact that half of it is very OC heavy apart from Zack as the narrative shifts around, and due to the sheer scale of the fucking thing. I don’t know what order most of these are going to be in (and am accepting feedback on what you guys want to see first), but this one is definitely lower.

Dollhouse: Another story lower on the queue. Given that said queue is 40 fucking stories, “low” in this context means like… ten or eleven at most? but it’s not getting immediately published. Probably the darkest thing on this list, apart from maybe ^that one, and even then I think this one might be a little more upsetting. Won’t be published for a while because it’s the most OC-heavy story I have, and because I need to firmly establish myself as Not Crazy I Promise before I put it up. Thriller/psychological horror.

[Title Pending] but I’ve been calling it Dumpsterman Roadtrip in my head: Cloud and Sephiroth and me examining their dynamic properly since no one else seems to be doing that. Not necessarily a redemption fic. I don’t know yet. Still a bit fuzzy, I haven’t done much concrete planning with it yet. It’s infuriating to me that there are a thousand million fics focusing on Cloud and Sephiroth’s relationship, and not a damn one of them does it properly despite being handed this great dichotomy on a silver platter. I get “OMG WHAT A SADIST THAT LIVES TO TORTURE THIS ONE MAN” is easier to write, but that doesn’t make it even remotely better.

FROG ADVENTURE [Better Title Pending]: Cloud gets turned into a frog, separated from the group before anyone can realise what’s happened, spends like a year as a frog trying not to get eaten. The only G-rated one on the pending-projects list, I think. Still working out how I’m gonna handle this considering it’s also going to be either very OC-heavy or Cloud will be the only character saying anything throughout the entire thing. Either could be an interesting experiment. Classic sixties children’s book vibes for this one.

The Doublemint Twins Visit the Kierkegaard Retrospective [Better Title Pending but I think this one is pretty good]: This fic used to be way different in the planning stages! In fact it was originally for sure going to be the next thing I wrote, but as I expanded the outline more and more everything just kept getting darker and darker and eventually I couldn’t figure out a single conceivable way there could be a happy ending. I consider happy (or at least bittersweet) endings mandatory for everything I write, so in the end I wound up scrapping it for a while until I picked up the bits I could still work with and rearranged them a little. This one’s still pretty existentialist, I think, but nowhere near as grim. I have no idea how to end this one either, but at least it doesn’t seem as grim as the last one did, which originally involved Cloud finding a lot of the clones (as in actual clones, not the way the story uses the term) Hojo made of him for the sake of backup organ harvesting still alive, and it turns out he’s also a clone, and the whole thing kind of devolved from there as I struggled to figure out what the fuck to do with like ten different Clouds that would end even remotely well. Also, I feel like a lot of people have done clones and siblings or whatever, but I have yet to see anyone that’s done this.

28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

@cateringisalie, @auncyen, and @farfromdaylight are like the only people I read anyway. I can’t answer this question without my very very obvious bias showing. They have an actual understanding of the characters and don’t write the same fucking thing over and over again and that’s already more than anyone else is doing.

39. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

Only the weird one that called me double reverse racist against myself and also Christians.

I thrive off of negativity and the knowledge of how terrible everyone’s tastes are is enough to give me the inspiration to write entire goddamn novels, as you can see.

#asks #amazing literature #Anonymous #find this later #fic prompt #askmeme

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kazliin · 7 years

Note

That coffeshop AU and the actors AU are GOLDEN. I NEED that in my life now ;(

I can’t really write much for the coffee shop AU because I don’t have any inspiration for it but here are some extracts and concept writing for what the Actors Au would look like

Disclaimer - this is a fake au fic from the Rivals series. In universe it would be written by a Viktuuri fan and so is based on how that fans see umfb!viktor and Yuuri not as they actually are. It was also written as a joke on my phone in half an hour so please don’t take this as serious writing!

Original concept - no.5 of the ‘15 most popular fics in the Rivals universe alternate AO3’ - Original post here

Title: Before theCamera, Behind the Screen

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warning: NoArchive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure SkatingRPF

Relationships: KatsukiYuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: KatsukiYuuri, Viktor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont, Christophe Giacometti, CelestinoCialdini, Yakov Feltsman

Additional tags:Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe – Actors, Enemies to Friends to Lovers,Eventual Smut, they’re actors playing figure skaters for a big Hollywood movie,and they hate each other, at first at least, why do they not use body doublesfor their sex scenes?, plot reasons that’s why

Summary:

Sweat-slicked skingleamed under the lights, two bodies moving as one as gasps of pleasure filledthe quiet room. Katsuki had his head thrown back, eyes glazed as he rode outthe sensation, thighs clamped tight around the warm body beneath him and handsfisted into silver hair…

“Cut.” Came the harshvoice of the director as the studio lights snapped back on, flooding the scenewith a glaring brightness. “Take five everyone.”

“And you two.” heturned to the two actors who were both blinking in the sudden light and wipingthe fake sweat from where it was lying stickily across their skin. “You need toget it together soon or this whole movie is going to be a disaster. You’resupposed to be in love for Christ’s sake! Katsuki, you look like you’recounting down the minutes until you can finish this scene and go and get lunchand Nikiforov, you’re just looking bored. You’re supposed to be actors! I don’tcare how much you hate each other, you better act like you don’t or you’re bothgetting fired.”

Katsuki glared down atNikiforov who was still lying beneath him, looking annoyed.

“You better step upyour game.” Nikiforov drawled, looking disparagingly up at the man stillstraddling him. “I have a reputation to uphold and I’m not going to lose it toa bad movie because of one amateur, one-hit-wonder actor who can’t do his jobproperly.”

“Maybe it would beeasier to do my job if you weren’t such an arrogant ass who can’t admit to hisown mistakes.” Katsuki shot back, glare intensifying. “And stop acting likeyou’re such a big deal. You might be famous but you’re not that impressive.”

“I don’t know, I’vebeen reliably informed by a lot of people that I’m very impressive.”

Nikiforov flicked hiseyes to where their bodies were joined, only the smallest pieces of fabricseparating them, eyebrow raised suggestively. Katsuki snorted in disgust, thenrolled his hips in an unexpected movement that made a certain part of Nikiforovperk up in unintentional interest.

“I’ve seen better.”

Random snippet 1 - Characterprofiles

Name - Viktor Nikiforov

Age - 26

Occupation - Actor

One of the most famous actors in Hollywood and in constanthigh demand. He moved to America from Russia after being scouted aged 10 by hisagent Yakov Feltsman. His first big breakthrough role was at age 15 and he isnow one of the highest paid and most well-known actors worldwide.

After nearly ten years of filmmaking Viktor began to growbored - constantly being typecast as the dashing hero and playboy in big budgetaction or sci-fi films. After seeing the quality of Viktor’s acting fall due tohis disinterest in his work, his agent Yakov signed him up to a role in anindependent film directed by his friend Celestino about figure skating, hopingthe change in scenery and character would help Viktor find his inspirationagain.

Name: Yuuri Katsuki

Age: 22

Occupation: Actor

A relatively new and unknown actor. Moved to America at 15with his parents and sister when their onsen in Japan went bankrupt. Performedin a variety of small films and stage productions for money before having abreakthrough role a few months previously that put him on the radar of a lot ofbig film companies. The breakthrough role was in a previous film ofCelestino’s, who scouted him when he was performing a minor role in a TV dramato pay the bills, and he signed on for Celestino’s next film out of gratitude.He’s generally considered to be a rising star and has the potential to be theNext Big Thing

Name: Phichit Chulanont

Age: 19

Occupation: Trainee Makeup Artist

Yuuri’s best friend and a trainee makeup artist. Had hisfirst big job hired as a makeup artist for Celestino’s next film starring Yuuriand Viktor.

Name: Christophe Giacometti

Age: 24

Occupation: Model

Viktor’s best friend who is doing a modelling shoot near thefilm set and spends more time hanging about there than in his own studio

The film:

Love On Ice, a romantic drama about a workaholic ice skater(played by Viktor) who has no life outside of his job despite being the best inthe world. He is injured in a freak skating accident and forced to retire andbecome a coach to a younger skater (played by Yuuri) with a lot of potentialwho is yet to win gold. Despite a rocky start the two end up falling in loveand the main character finds the meaning of love and life both on and off theice.

The plot of the film in the actors AU fanfic is taken fromone of the other very popular Viktuuri fanfics in the Rivals universe versionof AO3 by the same name. The in-universe authors who write the fics are datingand make constant references to each other’s fics in their own writing aseaster eggs.

Random snippet 2 –extract from chapter 1 of 12

Viktor swept into the meeting room for the read-through,ignoring the glare his agent Yakov shot him for his lateness. He was one ofHollywood’s top actors, he could afford to be five, ok maybe twenty-five,minutes late for a rehearsal. The filmwasn’t even that important anyway, some low budget production he was only participatingin because Yakov insisted he needed a change of scenery, filled with secondrate actors and a mediocre script he had barely glanced at.

Swiping the coffee off the cute looking intern standingstaring at him from the door he took a sip before promptly spitting it back outagain, levelling a glare at the man who was still gazing at him, lookingaffronted.

“I called ahead and asked for a caramel macchiato notwhatever kind of crap this is. Can’t you do your job properly, is that too muchto ask?” he snapped at the intern who’s affronted look turn swiftly into a fullout glare.

“Viktor. Maybe it tastes wrong because that isn’t yourcoffee.” Chris told him with a smirk, laughter dancing in his eyes as he triedto hold back his mirth. “Not everything in the world revolves around you mon cher.”

Glancing down at the cup in his hand Viktor realised thatChris was right. The name ‘Yuuri’ was written across the cup in loopinghandwriting and as he looked a blushing woman scuttled over and handed himanother coffee cup, this one filled with his order.

Turning back to the man whose coffee he had just taken,Viktor frowned, trying to remember where he had heard that name before. ‘Yuuri’. It sounded familiar but Viktorhad reputation for being scatter-brained and the context that he had heard it inbefore escaped him.

Yakov had walked to stand beside the dark-haired man, whowas still glaring at Viktor like he hoped he dropped dead on the spot.Presumably he was Yuuri and now that Viktor looked at him closer he didn’t seemmuch like the intern that Viktor had initially mistaken him for. Hopefully hewould be some minor part of the crew or an extra since Viktor didn’t reallywant to have to deal with working with a man he had accidentally insulted.

“Viktor, meet Yuuri Katsuki.” Yakov told him, lookingunimpressed. “He’s your new co-star for the duration of this film.”

Well.

Shit.

Random snippet 3 –extract from chapter 4 of 12

“The bulk of the ice skating we’ll leave up to theprofessional skaters.” Celestino called across to them where they were bothbalanced on the ice, trying to look cool and composed while avoiding fallingflat on their faces in the unfamiliar skates. “But we need a few shots of yourfaces during the routines so you’ll have to learn at least a few basic moves ifwe want this to work. Nikiforov, you’ll be doing the lifts because you’retaller.”

Katsuki shot Celestino an incredulous look and then turnedback to Viktor, looking disgusted.

“Try not to drop me. Since you’re already carrying theweight of your own ego I’m not sure if you’re strong enough to carry anythingelse on top of that.”

“I’ve been carrying this whole movie so far, I think I’ll befine.”

Random snippet 4 –extract from chapter 6 of 12

Katsuki continued to sob, even after the cameras had finallystopped rolling. The take had been fantastic, the other actor perfectlymimicking a high achiever with impossible standards finally cracking, believingthat he would never be good enough.

But even after the take had finished Katsuki continued tocry, great heaving sobs that wracked his whole frame. Viktor wasn’t sure whatto do. He had met method actors before, people who got so into their role itwas hard to tell where the character ended and they began. But Katsuki hadnever acted like that before and it was very strange to see him still so caughtup in the character, unable to stop crying even when there were no more camerastrained on him. And there was something honest about the emotions, more honestthat Viktor had ever seen from him before.

He opened his mouth to speak but Katsuki beat him to it,glancing up and noticing the way that Viktor was staring. Angrily he wiped athis eyes, brushing away the tears that were still trickling down his face andtaking a few deep breaths.

“What are you looking at?” he snapped angrily and Viktortook a few steps back at the fury in his tone and the crack in his voice.Katsuki pushed past him, knocking his shoulder into Viktor’s as he went andleaving Viktor staring after him, curiosity flaring in his heart.

Much as it pained him to admit after so much time insultingit, the other man’s acting was actually very good, raw and open and honest. Butsomehow, Viktor wasn’t sure if he had been acting in that last scene at all.

Random snippet 5 –extract from chapter 8 of 12

Katsuki moved above him, hips rocking and hands braced onViktor’s shoulder, fingers gripping almost painfully tight. It was verydifferent from the last time they had tried to film the same scene so manymonths ago. This time Katsuki’s eyes were dark and entirely focused on Viktor,gaze intense. The movements were making certain parts of Viktor respond on avery base level and he was very glad of the equipment all the actors wererequired to wear for all their more intimate scenes that prevented the manabove him from noticing it.

After their first couple of disastrous attempts at filmingthe same scene Celestino had pushed it far back on the schedule but thedeadlines were slowly creeping up and they had had no choice but to finally tryit again.

“I don’t care what youthink about when you act it Viktor.” Yakov had told him, sounding exasperated.“Pretend he’s one of the random models you love so much if you have to. But ifyou can’t act like you’re actually in love with him this film will end indisaster and trust me when I say you need it to succeed.”

But when Celestino finally called a cut, praising them bothfor a scene well filmed at last, Viktor realised he had thought of nothing elseduring the entire process but Yuuri.

Random snippet 6 –extract from chapter 9 of 12

Katsuki looked at him from across the table, laughtersparking in his eyes and Viktor marvelled at how well the new expression suitedhim. Maybe Celestino’s idea for them to share a dinner together to try and getthem in the headspace of a real couple for the more emotional scenes of filmingthat were due the next day wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

“You really want me to list all your faults?” he asked,eyebrows raised playfully.

“Well since we’re both always pointing them out in front ofthe cast and crew it might be a better idea to just let it all out now beforeYakov fires us both.” Viktor pointed out. “You say one of mine and then I’llsay one of yours and we’ll keep going until we’re done.”

“That might take a while.” Katsuki smirked but he compliedanyway.

“You’re arrogant.”

“You’re touchy.”

“You’re insensitive.”

“You’re too sensitive.”

“You have the emotional range of a five year old.”

“You have no idea how to have fun.”

“You’re immature and unprofessional.”

“You’re too serious and you were terrible at giving fakehead during that last scene.”

Katsuki turned bright red and spluttered in indignation fora few seconds, his cheeks flaming before he finally shot back a reply.

“Yeah, well you’re a terrible kisser.”

“I am not!” This time is was Viktor turn to splutter inindignation and he felt almost personally insulted at the jab. He was not aterrible kisser!

“You are.” Katsuki sat back, looking triumphant. “Honestlyfilming kisses with you have been some of the worst kisses of my life.”

For some reason the insult stung much more than any of theprevious had and Viktor could feel his face contorting into a petulant look ofmock hurt to cover up the very real emotions beneath.

“Why is my kissing so bad then, since you seem to consideryourself the expert?”

“You kiss for the camera.” Yuuri replied. “I’ve seen yourmovies before and they’re all big, dramatic, rushed kisses with explosions inthe background. You still kiss like that even though that isn’t what this movieis about. We’re supposed to be in love, it’s supposed to be tender. Intimate.Real. Not any of that overdramatic crap.”

“I hate to break it to you Katsuki but we’re supposed tokiss for the camera. It’s kind of in our job descriptions.” Viktor shot back.“And we’re actors. It’s not supposed to be real.”

“No.” Katsuki agreed. “But we’re supposed to make peoplebelieve it is.”

Viktor found he had no response to that but he was stillhurt by the other man’s previous comment. He wasn’t a terrible kisser, he hadkissed hundreds of people both on camera and off and he had never had anycomplaints. Katsuki was still smirking at him and it grated at him, made moreannoying by the fact that he cared at all.

“I’m not a terrible kisser.” He finally settled on, tryingnot to let any of the hurt show on his face and knowing he sounded a littlepetulant. “And I am perfectly capable of kissing like it’s real.”

“Oh really?” Katsuki raised his eyebrow and there was achallenge in his expression. “Why don’t you kiss me then, and prove it?”

#rivals series #Kaz's writing tag

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beforehefell · 7 years

Text

Before He Fell ~Chapter Three - Entry 08~

PREVIOUS CHAPTER|CURRENT|NEXT CHAPTER Table of Contents

“He’s kidding right?” She thought to herself skeptically as she watched the dear doctor lay out the cards carefully across a newly cleared section of the work bench’s surface. Each card held a letter or number; spanning thirty-six total cards for each letter of the English alphabet, or Common as he called it, and numbers zero through nine. They reminded her of the cards used to teach toddlers.

“Don’t give me that look.” Gaster stated, finally looking over to her as he finished laying out the cards, “This will only be a temporary measure until you begin to actually speak to me, I understand it is not the most efficient method. Or do you feel comfortable enough to use signs now?”

Brushing her bangs aside she sighed as she simply huffed in reply to his comment. “Sign language…” She was studying, watching and replicating each slide that he provided her but… she stretched her fingers lightly, watching them bend. It was rather hard for her to grasp. WingDings was something she understood only because her mind began to adapt from years of hearing Gaster speaking it. Even now her mind was learning what each movement meant but to replicate them… it never felt right. She was sure she could produce simple sentences if she really tried but she… what if…

“Not… not yet.” She decided and ceased floating, the bottoms of her bare feet silently tapping onto the tile floor. No matter how many times she moved ‘normally’ it continued to unsettle her when her movements caused no sounds. It is why she preferred to glide, at least then her mind was able to cope with the soundlessness.

There was another reason of course to why she preferred to remain airborne. This reason was staring down at her as she drifted to stand beside the skeleton. It was only when she grounded herself that she was reminded of their height difference, it made her uneasy having him loom over her. She always felt a sort of satisfaction when he was forced to look up at her when they spoke, and in times like now she felt… vulnerable as he looked down upon her.

She pushed the unease to the back of her mind, reminding herself that despite his past in regards to her physical body, he had been nothing but civil with her since they began interacting. She didn’t enjoy the way he objectified her, calling her ‘it’ and ‘human’ but there was no real harm to it and her title was something she had come to terms with of her own choosing.

“I assume you understand how this will work?” Gaster questioned, gesturing to the cards.

She nodded in reply, it was a simple idea. Spell out her answers to form words and sentences. It was basic and crude in the ways of communication but she supposed that given the amount of time he had dealt with yes, no, and trying to interpret her gestures for meanings it was understandable that he would want to try a method that would give more detailed answers. At least until she felt comfortable enough to speak in signs.

“First question. A simple one.” He started, picked up his clip board and looking at his notes; which she had no idea how to read since he wrote everything in his language. She understood him just fine but reading the written form of his words was something she just could not do. “Are you… human?”

“Simple. Right.” She thought, rolling her eyes and reaching forward and spelling out her answer, “Y-E-S-F-E-M-A-L-E-T-O-O” Adding in her gender as a preemptive move to what she thought would be the next ridiculous question.

“So, this gives evidence that your lack of sign usage is not caused by your inability to spell.” Was his reply to the addition, a jab at her lack of progress but she watched in satisfaction as she noticed him cross out two lines on the paper of questions; knowing that despite the fact she could not read WingDings, she had correctly predicted his next question.

“Next question. How old are you?”

This caused her to give an exasperated sigh, “I expected something deeper.” She retorted mentally before reaching forward to spell out her answer, but stopped, her hang hovering over the cards as she began to realize the question.

How old was she? Her mind turned trying to come to an answer. “When I fell… I was... but I’m not anymore… it’s… it’s been years… How… how old am I?” She had been in the tank for ages, unaware for so long. Even when she was finally conscious she had drifted in and out of that consciousness so often, time had become meaningless to her… Yet now, presented with this question it brought to mind another, one she had stopped considering long ago… “How long have I been down here?”

How long since she had seen her family and friends? How long since she last saw a sunrise while jogging? How long since that night? How long… since she had died?

She pulled her hand back slowly, her hand shaking. She bit the tip of her thumb as her mind reeled. “How long did they look for me? Do they still think about me? Did they ever find out about-“

“Your age when you fell.” Gaster provided, his calm voice breaking through her inner turmoil. Her eyes turned to him, now noticed the glaze that covered them as she did. She blinked, and tears slid down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away and gave the doctor a light nod, thankful for the clarification. As well as pulling her from the dark thoughts she fought to avoid.

She looked back at the cards tentatively, now more cautious of the questions he was asking her. Reaching forward she pointed to two cards, one and seven, spelling out ‘seventeen’ as her answer to the question.

“Seventeen…” She had died at seventeen. She sighed as her memories of her life danced in her head, “Forever seventeen… Sounds like a bad movie...”

“Actually...” Gaster started, his pen tapping the edge of the clipboard lightly as he spoke, pulling her attention to him once again. Her mind spun, was he going to tell her how long she had been down here? Her real age? “Given that your body does age while stasis, albeit much slower… I would say eighteen would be accurate in describing your physical age.”

Relief flooded her as his words reached her. She didn’t want to know, she realized. She didn’t want to know how long she had been dead or trapped in the prison that was her body. She fought with every piece of her being to not think about what she had lost. It was what she enjoyed most about speaking to Gaster; he didn’t want to know her, he wanted to know humans.

She couldn’t help but smile at the statement. At his, unintentional as it may have been, kindness.

Running her hands through her hair and stretching, he took a deep breath and nodded towards her companion that they could continue.

His next questions were more in-depth, asking various questions about surface life. How tall plants tended to grow, how we produced our food, even what the monarchy was like. This one perked her interest because it let her know that Monsters had a monarchy. Humans had them as well but her region was governed by a President. Some of the questions were strange and not simple to answer and for every question she answered she saw him cross it out and write down more.

She knew that he would have plenty more to ask once she began to use signs.

She was beginning to feel tired, the effort of the responses starting to take effect. She was not enjoying this method of communication at all.

“What was your profession?”

She did a double take, looking at the skeleton for the first time since really getting into the answers. It was the first time she could recall that he had asked questions specific to her life on the surface. Even their yes and no conversations where more of a game of charades as he tried to learn about what life on the surface was like.

She swallowed lightly and quickly pointed out her answer, wanting to move to the next one. Hoping it wasn’t focused on her, “High School Student.”

She could see the indented curve above his left eye, the skeleton monster equivalent of his eyebrows, contort in interest at her answer and jot it down on the clipboard.

“So you are still a child, since you attend school? Hmm… I thought you older given your… apparel.”

The comment about her clothes confused her as she wondered what it meant but she focusing on the question, spelling out “18 legal adult age senior in school last year.” She huffed as she finished, proud. She did not want him thinking her a child. Though seventeen was not a child, saying eighteen was the legal age would be more convincing as well as adding in she was about to finish school.

“So you were on the edge of ‘official’ adulthood when you fell.” He replied, noting the response. “What profession were you planning on entering than?”

“Why more questions about me…” Her mind drifted to the surface. Of Amy and her talking on Career day about their futures.

“Come on, Speedy! You could total be a Police Officer! They’d never outrun you and you’d help people out and-“

“I’m not much for violence… I was actually thinking…

“Social Worker?” Gaster read aloud as she spelled out her answer.

She nodded, spelling out “Help kids.”

He studied her carefully, something she was very used to now. For a moment she thought she saw something in his eyes when he looked down and wrote her reply down once again. When he looked back up the neutral expression he always wore had returned.

Just as he was about to speak again, his watch began to beep. A sign today’s session was over.

She was thankful for this. She wasn’t enjoying the trip down memory lane and was also beginning to feel exhausted. Hopefully he would not use this method too often, if not at all in the future.

Gaster turned the timer off, reviewing his clipboard, “One last question before today’s session finishes.”

She only gave a nod in reply, hoping it would be something simple.

“What is your name?”

It was a simple question but it caused her mind to spin none the less.

“Why that?” why did he have to ask that? She stared at the cards, biting her lip lightly as she considered her answer. She had come to terms with not having a name, come to terms with just being ‘human’. Why did he question it now?

“Would… it be so bad?” She thought, “Letting him know it?” Her gaze travelled along the room, from the doctor to the desk opposite the room, the tank… her cage. “No… No... I don’t want to hear it! If he says it… if he… that would mean…” She shook her head fiercely, hugging herself.

“No?” Gaster replied, a hint of annoyance floating in his tone, “It’s a simple question. I am not asking to upset you. I just want to address you properly, by your name.”

“Me? My name… Why is he asking questions about me?! I’m not anything special… I’m nothing… My name doesn’t exist… Dead things… don’t have names…” Again she shook her head in reply, her hands pressed tightly against her.

“Do you not remember it?”

“Remember it…? Of course I do… Just thinking about it makes me…” Images flashes through her mind; her Mom waking her up in the morning, Amy yelling out her name to get her attention in a crowd, Zach-

“No! No… I don’t want to hear it!”

“If you remember, why won’t you tell me?”

She stared at Gaster, her eyes pleading with him. The plea went ignored as he waited expectantly for her answer.

She sighed, finally deciding to give an answer. Reaching forward she began to spell that answer out.

“S-T-O-P-A-S-K-I-N-G” Gaster spoke aloud, reading the words as they were spelt.

She gained some satisfaction, seeing how taken aback he was her answer.

“Human, I am asking as nicely as I can.” His tone thick with irritation, “What is your name?”

The pressure to reply, after her clear indication of not wanting to answer and the stress of his sudden interest in her personal life angered her. She had been doing her best to be polite after the havoc there first interaction had caused but she had thought she had earned some respect from her. It seems she was wrong.

She glared deeply at the doctor before reaching towards the cards and spelling out her final reply. “Fuck off.” As soon as she was sure he saw the final letter, she faded from view, not wanting to deal with the Monster any longer.

For a short time she watched, seeing him react to her out lash. If he was upset, he hid it well as he gathered the cards and his supplies. It was only when he went to the laptop that displayed her lessons that he showed any reaction. Instead of starting it up to allow her to view them as normal, he instead shut down and closed the device, leaving it on the desktop in view after he left.

It seemed childish to do so, but it did hurt her to see it done. Even as unsure of herself as she was with the signs, she stilled enjoyed having the activity of studying available to do. Seeing the device there, so easily accessible just showed how powerless she really was.

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#She really doesnt want to hear her name #beforehefell #Before He Fell #wd gaster #gaster #w.d. gaster #undertale #storyline #fanfic #fanfiction #W. D. Gaster #remastered #rewritten #chapter three

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supere1113 · 4 years

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The Conflict Within Myself - Track 11: Stretched and Compressed

Wow. What do you follow such a climactic song as Polaroid with? Well, it could go either of two ways: The conflict within the person consumes them and they are corrupted and destroyed (.ie dying by suicide), Or.... they are somehow saved from their darkness and led on a different path. Shall I continue the story?

****TRIGGER WARNING****... again. probably the last one, though.

So last time I left off, It was early October 2017, I had just survived the closest-call suicide attempt of my life. After I didn’t die, I knew that if I were to try again, I would get even closer, and closer, and closer till I actually died (didn’t have that far to go that last time, but still). I didn’t want that to have to happen, so I decided that if I was going to go on, I would need help. Of some kind. I doubled down on getting my parents to understand what was going on with me by writing a letter and printing it out for them to read that night. It blew up in my face, and I lost a chunk of hope a little bigger than most of the other ones I was losing almost daily (At this point, they thought I was trying to drop out of school, potentially to pursue music full-time. That couldn’t been further from the truth. I can’t give one passion up for another, I’m a renaissance man. I mean, have you heard my song Multipotentialite from the last album? It surprised me that that didn’t click for them. I imagine they were scared too, though; whether they’d ever say it out loud to me or not. Sad situation it was). All that happened during a weekend where I went home to visit my parents. After I got back on campus, my mood swings continued to intensify. I every time I was in an extreme state, I would quarantine myself in my dorm (I feel sorry for my sophomore roommate. Thankfully, he was out doing things around campus during my most rapid descents into madness. I won’t say his name here, but I love you, bro. Thank you) and I eventually only left to eat... occasionally. My psych evaluation finally came on October 17th. I was mentally close to death. My mom brought me over there, I did the evaluation, and then, knowing what she did about my current mental state, the psychologist asked me if I wanted to be hospitalized, saying she could make it happen, even if my mother still didn’t get it after that. I went in the car, waited for my mom and the psychologist to finish their conversation and then, after she got in the car, mom called dad and said she “wasn’t playing around with this anymore.” She was finally willing to go through with getting me the help I needed, the way I needed it at that point. The unfortunate part is that after you’re so far gone, meeting with a counselor each week just isn’t enough. Though I wasn’t in immediate danger, I was still quite suicidal, and my parents couldn’t guarantee to the psychologist that they could protect me from me, not long-term. So, mom drove me home, and that night brought to my family the full impact of what was happening with me. Since may parents couldn’t keep me safe enough, I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital near my childhood home the next day. My dad never wanted either of his children to be institutionalized in any way, so this was especially crushing to him. We didn’t know how long I’d have to be there, so for that reason, among others, I was medically withdrawn from school. While I was there, my results from my psych evaluation came in. I was diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder with psychotic features and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Crazy. In every sense of the word. You could smell the stigma on me.

I never wanted it to be that way. I mean, I got access to the help I needed, but at what cost?! Even over 2 years later, there’s a lot about that that I’m still, even if only a lil bit, angry about, which surprises me. It was just a crazy time. And in the time after the realization, I would hear for the first time my parents say to me that they missed something. That shook all of us.

~~~~~

Anyway, the end of Polaroid marks the beginning of a new phase, a new suite in the album (Act III: The Explosion). This song, along with the remainder of the album, takes place in a psychiatric facility, and, similar to Polaroid, kind of explores my thoughts while I was in there, and what changes were finally able to take root in me (fitting for an album titled ‘The Conflict Within Myself’ to explore inner thoughts, huh?).

Stretched and Compressed is really a song about the general realization that I had mental illness. My own, mostly. Even though that realization occurred long before I was hospitalized, I simplified the sequence of events on here to make the album more universal, as I stated before. As a result, S&C also explores my parents realization of my new mental reality. This was unintentional, but this song could potentially be divided into two distinct halves, The first being Stretched, the last being Compressed. The music even corresponds to those titles. The sounds of the Stretched half heave upwards as if they are being stretched by a magnet. It’s meant to channel the surprise and pain of realizing, and accepting, a new reality. In contrast, the Compressed half covers moreso the small part of you that dies in the face of that reality, and the grief, the sadness and the depression that can flood your life when you realize that this is not the way you thought your life was going to go, nor what you intended, or after something traumatic happens.

I put a little nugget in the Stretched half that I think will be looked on in awe in the future. Just before the second verse, you can faintly hear me say “I’ve been suicidal, you can’t kill me ‘cause I tried it.” This is a direct reference to a line by one of my favorite rappers, Itsdink! I call him Cody. He and I have been friends for over a decade in 2019, and earlier in the month of October of this year, he dropped on Soundcloud what I believe to be his best work yet: Want Me Dead. This album was therapeutic for him to make and for both of us to listen to because it showed all the struggles he had endured since we last saw each other face-to-face (as I stated in my song Normal off my last album, The Artist In Me, I had to leave our childhood school in 2010. Cody and I haven’t been in the same place together since then). I had been through different things than him, but much of the mental damage that ensued, we had in common. Anxiety, depression, paranoia, Suicidality, all that. It broke my heart that he had to go through that, and also blessed my heart to know that he went through it and it didn’t consume him. We were both survivors, and we were both going to drop the albums that chronicled and helped us through our struggles on opposite ends of the same month: October 2019. I wanted to connect these albums so that history may remember Want Me Dead and The Conflict Within Myself as transcendent projects, connected to each other.

The Compressed half of Stretched and Compressed is even more somber than the preceding half. This is when the stigma of having multiple mental illnesses (or even just one) really hits me; and it hits hard. When I was in the hospital, I thought I had lost everything, and in a sense, I did. My sanity, my grades, an important part of my relationship with my parents, my ability to be a good student (or any student for that matter), my scholarships, my certainty, and a whole lot of other things associated with those things. I was relieved I was getting help, while being frustrated that it got so bad that I had to be there, saddened by that fact and just in a general state of shock from all that I had endured. Those mood swings I was talking about, that was what people in the mental health community call Mania. I was manic ever since July of 2017 when Chester died. The Mania is the high end of those mood swings. Depression is the low. And being manic doesn’t always mean being happy. I describe mania as being an amplifier to whatever you’re feeling. So if you’re happy and Manic, you are ELATED! If you are angry or irritable and manic, you get beyond furious and so irritated that you may turn suicidal. Actually, though. I suspected I had bipolar, but who ever wants to be right about that?

I had a lot of fun making Stretched and Compressed, especially the last 2 minutes. That transition from Stretched to Compressed is crazy. You ever heard something like that? then when the drums and plucky mental, metal guitar kick in on Compressed.... it’s over, bruv.

Stretched and Compressed is interesting because, much like Synchronized Sound and When Your Brain Is Fried, its instrumental was thought out years before Conflict even came out (the idea, though not yet carrying the S&C name, is probably as old as songs off of Identity, so circa 2015)! The pain of the Stretched half gave me Stephen Richards and Aaron Lewis vibes from their performances on P5hng Me A*wy and Krwling respectively off of Linkin Park’s remix album Reanimation. So I channeled them in the choruses (sprinkled a little bit of Jonathan Davis from Korn in there, too. ;) He also featured on that album on 1Stp Klosr). The Compressed half is much more genre-fluid than the Stretched half. But among many others, I was really inspired by the work of MUNA and The Red Hot Chili Peppers for that part of the song.

So you’re admitted to a hospital. You’re getting help, but you’re still reeling from all that led you there. Where else could the mind take us, I wonder...

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ismael37olson · 6 years

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The World Has Gone Mad Today

Many of Cole Porter's lyrics are incredibly -- even savagely -- topical. The songs of Anything Goes reference the latest news, gossip, pop culture, and celebrity sightings of 1934, and yet in a way that's fully organic to the characters and story. There's no question Reno Sweeney and Billy Crocker would be making jokes about this stuff. From our vantage point today, close to a century later, we're apt to miss some of that wicked social satire, because so many of the original references are now obscure to us. So subsequent revivals have tinkered a lot with the lyrics to "You're the Top" and "Anything Goes," in particular, worried that contemporary audiences won't get all the original references (they won't), and as a result, exploring these lyrics sometimes requires a lot of digging. But this kind of research is so much fun. This show brilliantly captures some of America's craziest cultural impulses, most of which are very little different today from what they were in 1934. Anything Goes wasn't really telling a love story; it was telling the story of America awkwardly struggling with the huge social and technological changes that were transforming our nation from a rural culture to an urban one, and consequently a more diverse and socially liberal one; and from a social-status culture to one based on economic status. Though it was surely unintentional, I could argue that [Spoiler Alert] Reno marrying Evelyn is a clear metaphor for the way, for the first time in the 20s and 30s, Americans routinely combined "low culture" and "high culture." In fact that mashup essentially defines American musical comedy. Today, some frightened conservatives long to return to a mythical, nonexistent 1950s that's whiter, more Christian, and less complicated; and so too did folks in the 1930s fear the massive changes reshaping America. This show, its title, and its title song are all about that. Every version of the show starts the title song the same way.

Times have changed, And we've often rewound the clock, Since the Puritans got a shock, When they landed on Plymouth Rock. If today, Any shock they should try to stem, 'Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock would land on them.

It's a double joke, built on the two meanings of land, and comically comparing the relative shocks of finding the New World, versus those same 17th-century pilgrims finding the wild nightlife of 1934 New York. Kinda sounds like a Bill & Ted sequel.

There's actually a lot going on here. The times do change and when they do, some people fear that change, and they react by trying to turn us back to an earlier era ("we've often rewound the clock"), a time perceived to be more innocent, more faithful, more moral. With Ronald Reagan and some of the conservative movement today, the 1960s so freaked them out, that ever since then they've been trying to turn American back to the 1950s. The same thing happened in the 1920s and 30s. It's telling that Porter invokes the Puritans -- the symbol of social ultra-conservatism -- as a comic measure of the wild times we find ourselves in "now." No, the Puritan's likely would not have been big fans of speakeasies or The Ziegfeld Follies... As the first verse of the song begins, we set up this comparison. Once upon a time, so long ago that the days are not just old, but "olden," America was really moral. Except that the use of the archaic "olden" (Porter originally used "former" in that spot), and the extremity of just a "glimpse" being shocking, gives the whole thing a layer of smartass irony. Who'd want to live in "olden days"...?

In olden days a glimpse of stocking Was looked on as something shocking, But now, God knows, Anything Goes.

Women's modesty was a big issue as skirts got shorter, arms got bared, and dresses got more form-fitting. The androgynous, body-disguising, chest-flattening fashions of the 20s were gone. Throughout history, there's always been this weird impulse to hide women's bodies for fear men can't control their sexual urges (this is what the final scene of Grease is about). It's only now that we're concluding it's the men who need to control themselves. I think we've become numb to the title phrase of this song. It's just too ubiquitous, too embedded in our culture. But think about that phrase -- anything goes, anything is okay, nothing is off limits, there are no rules, no norms, no constraints anymore.

Good authors too, who once knew better words, Now only use four letter words Writing prose, Anything Goes.

What was Porter talking about here?

James Joyce’s 1922 masterpiece Ulysses, was banned in England till 1930, and the United States Post Office reportedly burned any copies of the book they found. Finally, in 1933 (a year before Anything Goes opened), the case of Ulysses was re-opened, and the Supreme Court ruled that because the book was not "pornographic" it could not be banned or censored. D.H. Lawrence’s 1928 novel Lady Chatterly's Lover, about an aristocratic lady who has a sexual affair with her groundskeeper was also banned over its frank discussion of sex (and the importance of orgasm), and its frequent use of the words fuck and cunt. One U.S. Senator exclaimed, “I’ve not taken ten minutes on Lady Chatterley’s Lover, outside of looking at its opening pages. It is most damnable! It is written by a man with a diseased mind and a soul so black that he would obscure even the darkness of hell!” Erskine Caldwell's 1933 novel God's Little Acre was about a dysfunctional farming family in Georgia obsessed with sex and wealth. The novel's sexual themes were so controversial that the New York Society for the Suppression of Vice asked a New York state court to censor it. In 1934, Henry Miller's semi-autobiographical novel of his sexual escapades in Paris, Tropic of Cancer, with its frequent use of the word cunt, was banned in the United States shortly after its first publication in France. The ACLU tried to sue the U.S. government, but lost its case. Finally, when the novel was published in 1961, sixty obscenity cases were brought in twenty-one different states. Pennsylvania Supreme Court Justice Michael Musmanno wrote that Cancer is "not a book. It is a cesspool, an open sewer, a pit of putrefaction, a slimy gathering of all that is rotten in the debris of human depravity.” Porter wasn't kidding about four-letter words. This really was a sea change in popular literature. "Anything Goes" has three bridges, each with a different purpose. The first lists examples of "immoral" acts which lead, in the second bridge, to a general moral chaos, which leads, in the third bridge, to how crazy that chaos makes us all. It's an ironic jab at all the experts of the time warning about the dangers of Modernity. The song's first bridge lists a bunch of morally sketchy things that "you" (so interesting to put this in the second person!) might enjoy if you live a Fast Life, things which will no longer be off limits in our topsy-turvy culture...

If driving fast cars you like, If low bars you like, If old hymns you like, If bare limbs you like, If Mae West you like Or me undressed you like, Why, nobody will oppose. When every night, The set that's smart is Intruding In nudist parties In studios, Anything Goes.

Before we get to the content, let's look at the craft here. The bridge has seven lines and five of them start with "if," and six of them end with "you like" -- and in between an AABBCC rhyme scheme. That's some really skillful writing. Then we return to the verse, and of those six lines, three start with "in," and those same three lines all have an "-ood" in the middle of the line. But also "smart is" makes a kind of subliminal rhyme with "parties," and to top it all off, the last line of the bridge rhymes with the last two lines of the verse that follows it. In terms of content, much of this lyric references current events. In 1930, twelve states still did not have any speed limits; it was an automobile wild west. The "low bars" (i.e., speakeasies) of Prohibition were disappearing by the time Anything Goes opened, a year after the repeal of Prohibition. The reference is a joke on the two meanings of the word low. Here the word means disreputable, but also, literally lower in height. According to a 1946 Life magazine article, before Prohibition, bars were 46-47 inches high, but during and after Prohibition, so many more women were drinking that they lowered many bars to 43 inches.

The "old hymns" reference may be a joke about how many hymns were set to the music of drinking songs because those tunes were already popular. Why else would liking old hymns be subversive like the rest of the items in this list? Maybe the joke here is just that "you" like drinking in taverns, where they sing old hymns that have been converted into drinking songs. Of course, "bare limbs" were still pretty new in women's fashion and still considered shocking by some. Mae West was still a new movie star in 1934, but she already had been writing plays, starring in them, and getting arrested for her plays' "obscenity." After the Hollywood Production Code was established in 1933, West simply perfected the double entente, with famous lines like "When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better." Nudism / naturism spread throughout Europe in the 1920s and got to America in the 1930s, due in part to sociologist, political theorist, and liberal social critic Maurice Parmelee’s 1931 book Nudism in Modern Life. Also, "the set that's smart" refers to the phrase "The Smart Set," meaning the cultural elite, usually fashionable and wealthy. It was also the title of a literary magazine that published from 1900-1930. The song's second bridge is more general than the first, more a catalog of the fallout. Here, the world is just fucked up, backwards, upside-down, disorienting...

The world has gone mad today And good's bad today, And black's white today, And day's night today, And that gent today You gave a cent today Once had several chateaus. When folks who still can ride in jitneys Find out Vanderbilts and Whitneys Lack baby clo'es, Anything goes.

No revival has used those last four lines because no one would understand them today. Jitneys were independent taxi cabs or small buses, so the joke is that the middle-class folks who can still afford to take a cab, here in the middle of the Depression, would be shocked to find out that some of the richest Americans (in this case, the Vanderbilt and Whitney families) had lost nearly everything -- due to the creation of income and estate taxes not too long before, the effects of the Depression, and the weirdly profligate spending of the Vanderbilts and others. The "baby clothes" might refer to Gloria Vanderbuilt, who was a child at the time. The Whitneys went broke through corruption. The third bridge of "Anything Goes" returns to the second person -- you -- acknowledging everybody's feeling that the world has gone crazy and it's making us all crazy. Much like right now. And notice this very early critique of the mainstream media...

Just think of those shocks you've got And those knocks you've got And those blues you've got From the news you've got, And those pains you've got (If any brains you've got) From those little radios.

According to the PBS website:

For the radio, the 1930s was a golden age. At the start of the decade 12 million American households owned a radio, and by 1939 this total had exploded to more than 28 million. But why was this ‘talking telegram’ so popular? As technology improved radios became smaller and cheaper [hence the "little" radios]. They became the central piece of furniture in the average family’s living room, with parents and children alike, crowding around the set to hear the latest installment of their favorite show. News broadcasts also influenced the way the public experienced current affairs. When the Hindenburg airship exploded in 1937, reporter Herb Morrison was on the scene, recording the events to be broadcast the following day. But above all the radio provided a way to communicate like never before. Franklin Roosevelt’s ‘fireside chats’ helped the population feel closer to their president than ever.

There's yet another bridge section, with an early lyric that was not used in 1934 but restored for the 1987 revival:

If saying your pray'rs you like, If green pears you like, If old chairs you like, If backstairs you like, If love affairs you like With young bears you like, Why nobody will oppose.

And yes, "young bears" meant then what it means now; it's a gay reference that a fair number of New York theatre-goers, "the smart set," probably had heard. "Backstairs" was surely a reference to brothels or speakeasies. But what of these other lines? Though several of these references seem oddly random, two of my friends, Mark Cummings and Michael Dale, suggest that the whole stanza is about acceptance of varying sexual tastes, and I think they're right. After all, anything goes. We know Porter loved to joke in code...

If saying your pray'rs you like = Good Girls If green pears you like = Young Girls, Virgins If old chairs you like = Older Women If backstairs you like = Hookers (or Servants?) If love affairs you like With young bears you like = Young Men Why nobody will oppose.

In other words, Free Love. That does make a certain Porter-esque sense, both in terms of his writing and his biography. With that in mind, this sure does feel like Cole's quirky take on "chacun à son goût." And if we're right about this, that may explain why it was cut in 1934... This last version of the bridge was written by P.G. Wodehouse for the first London production, and it's been used in all the revivals, because so much of the original 1934 lyric is unusable today.

When grandmama whose age is eighty In night clubs is getting matey With gigolos, Anything Goes. When mothers pack and leave poor father Because they decide they'd rather Be tennis pros, Anything Goes.

But this lyric is way too British for this show and these characters. Americans don't use the word "matey" because we don't use "mate" to mean friend; and most Americans don't say, "grandmama." Also in America, "father" and "rather" do not rhyme. Also, Porter rarely inverted sentences as awkwardly as these first two lines. Still, this stanza does get at another cultural phenomenon of the 1930s. While the trend up to that point had been for the divorce rate to increase, that got interrupted in the early 1930s. Due to the Depression, many couples stayed together because they couldn't afford divorce. It wasn't until the unemployment rate went down that the increasing divorce rate trend continued. Unemployment was at its highest in 1933, and as the unemployment rate declined throughout the 30s, the divorce rate increased. At the same time, women's tennis greatly increased in popularity. While Cole may be suggesting a connection -- a lesbian joke? -- I am not. This cheat rhyme was written for the Act I finale of the 1962 revival:

They think he's gangster number one, So they've made him their favorite son, And that goes to show. Anything Goes! Anything, Anything, Anything Goes!

But "show" doesn't rhyme with "goes"! A different alternate Porter lyric I found corrects the bad rhyme with "And that plot twist shows..." Like I said, there is no single definitive version of this show or most of its songs.

Much of the original 1934 lyric for "Anything Goes" would just baffle today's audiences, with references to Mrs. Ned McLean (a socialite who was the last private owner of the Hope Diamond), Eleanor Roosevelt's radio broadcasts sponsored by Simmons mattresses, extravagant Broadway producer Max Gordon, movie studio head Sam Goldwyn, Ukrainian movie star Anna Sten, actor and socialite Lady Mendl, and others. When Anything Goes first opened, the title song worked because it reinforced a feeling the audience already had -- that the world is spinning madly out of control, and that sometimes that can be fun. (Or as Little Red might put it, "excited and scared.") As proof of the show's thesis, the songs "Anything Goes" and "You're the Top" (the latter mocking our love affair with celebrities and brand names), offer up example after example ripped from the headlines (and society pages) of 1934. Today when we see Anything Goes, all those examples suggest the craziness in 2018, without literally referencing any of it. But it still works. Crazy is crazy. In 1934, Americans were grappling with the massive, disorienting changes our country was going through. It did feel to many American as if all the rules had been ripped up, that literally anything goes. Today in 2018, we're grappling with much the same thing, here in the early days of the Digital Age, at the start of huge demographic and social changes in America, when the very nature of truth is up for debate. Life today is just as crazy as it was in Reno Sweeney's America, maybe crazier. Today, all these references may serve only as metaphors, but still pretty potent ones. I've been telling people that the reason "the bad boy of musical theatre" decided to produce Anything Goes is that it's built on two central themes that fit our kind of work perfectly -- the American habit of making religion into show business and criminals into celebrities. But now, after taking such a deep dive into the title song, I realize those two themes are just the results of the show's true central premise, which is literally "anything goes" -- the world is upside-down. Every element of this story is testament to this one idea. All the couples are wrongly coupled at first, the clergyman gets arrested and the gangster gets a cruise, the passengers deify a fake murderer, the real gangster is as nervous as a fucking cat, the worldly-wise speakeasy hostess falls for the dorky Englishman... Everything is up for grabs. None of the rules apply. We're in Shakespeare's woods. And anything goes! Now, the next time somebody tells you Anything Goes is just silly and mindless, I give you permission to tell them to shut the fuck up. Long Live the Musical! Scott from The Bad Boy of Musical Theatre http://newlinetheatre.blogspot.com/2018/01/the-world-has-gone-mad-today.html

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