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bratzforchris · 28 days

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Five Love Languages, M. Sturniolo

Summary: The five love languages look a little different for Matt and his girlfriend, but that's always okay<3

Pairing: Matt x neurodivergent fem!reader

Warnings: Mentions of autistic burnout, this is entirely self indulgent

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N: I think we need more representation around here, especially for different neurotypes and disabilities <3 This fic is based off of this Instagram post :) I am autistic and have ADHD, and this was so much fun to write--if you'd like to see the same thing but for another boy, drop a request in my inbox!

Infodumping༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

“Matt, come here! Now!” You squealed from your shared bedroom, your joy infectious as you bounced up and down on the bed happily.

You could hear the sound of your boyfriend running up the stairs, followed by him bursting through the door, slightly out of breath. “What’s up, honey?” he asked with a smile, noting your happy stims and luminous grin.

“Taylor’s going on tour!” You giggled, shaking your hands in small fists as a way to release all the happy, all-consuming energy that came with engaging in a special interest.

“Oh really?” Matt asked genuinely, sitting beside you on the bed. “Tell me more, hun!” he encouraged you, kissing your cheek gently so as not to get in the way of your movements.

“It’s going to be a tour where she goes through every era,” You smiled, happily bouncing on the bed. “We have to go.”

“We will,” Matt rubbed your knee softly. “As many dates as you want.”

“Really?” Your eyes lit up at the thought of getting to experience your special interest with your favorite person.

“Really, honey. What album are you most excited to hear?”

Matt looked at you kindly, his eyes shining with love. He absolutely loved watching how excited you got over your special interests. You had been a huge Taylor Swift fan for over ten years now, and the brunette wished that he could bottle up your happiness whenever you engaged with her music. He would almost equate your joy to that of sunshine, baby animals, and glitter. Where some people thought you were “just a fangirl” or “too obsessed”, Matt loved listening when you infodumped about Taylor Swift. The sheer dedication someone could have to a singular topic was beyond impressive and adorable to him.

“That’s really hard, Matt,” You whined playfully, still happily stimming and flapping your hands. “I really like Lover a lot because it reminds me of you, but I also want to hear reputation because it’s just so iconic. Like the whole snake aesthetic after the Kim and Kayne thing was just perfect. But then I also love folklore because of the love triangle thing and also because it’s just so experimental. Did you know that there was only eleven months between Lover and folklore?” You asked your boyfriend, becoming more animated as you spoke.

“I didn’t know that!” Matt responded, clearly very invested in the conversation. “Here hun, why don’t you play with this instead? I don’t want you to hurt your wrists, sweetie.” he explained softly, passing you a fidget toy that was laying on your nightstand.

You blushed as you took the toy from him, not even realizing just how bad your wrists were hurting. “You’re the best boyfriend ever, do you know that?” You asked him, slowly crawling across the bed and into his lap.

“I think I had an idea or two.” Matt smirked.

You began to play with the fidget toy with one hand and Matt’s hair with the other. You still felt the need to stim, your nervous system buzzing with happiness. Whenever you felt the need to fidget, you loved to mess with your boyfriend’s hair, and he always let you. The way his soft, brown curls slid through your fingers and the way his natural highlights hit the light gave you such good sensory feelings.

“Thank you for listening to me…I know it’s a lot sometimes.” You whispered shyly, hiding your face against his hoodie.

Matt rubbed circles on your back as you played with his hair. “I love listening to you talk Taylor, baby. I think it’s interesting.” he grinned.

“You do?”

“I do,” he booped your nose. “I think it’s cute too.”

“Do you think she’s gonna go era by era?” You asked, still too excited to focus on much else besides your special interest. “I hope so. That would be so much fun.”

“You’re gonna have to teach me everything,” Matt giggled. “I can’t be one of those boyfriends who goes and looks miserable.”

You squealed, untangling your hands from his hair and planting a kiss on his lips. “Oh hun, you’re gonna be the most educated boy in the stadium. You’ll know more Taylor lore than Taylor

Parallel Play ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

You sighed happily, pulling your blanket closer around yourself and taking a sip of your coffee. Thankfully, Matt had a completely free day with nothing to film, which meant you could just enjoy each other’s company. These days were few and far between, but you treasured every one because of how unmasked and free they allowed you to be.

You sat your mug down on the coffee table and picked up the yarn and crochet hook you had set out earlier. Matt sat at the other end of the couch, feet in your lap as he focused intently on his book. You felt your heart swell with love as you took a peek at the cover, and noted that it was a memoir about understanding and aiding your partner in their unmasking journey.

Matt was by far the best boyfriend you had ever had when it came to accepting and loving you, neurodivergence and all. Finding a man who didn’t fetishize or infantilize being an autistic woman was hard, but the brunette was a diamond in the rough. Like right now for example, when he was spending his Saturday morning that he had off learning about how to understand the way your brain worked.

You blushed and picked up your crocheting, beginning to work on the blanket you had started earlier in the week. You had picked a chenille yarn in pretty pastel colors, and the rainbow of yarn, as well as its soft feel made you smile. You began to crochet, taking a peek at Matt every so often. Occasionally, your boyfriend would look up at the same time and catch your eye, sending you a soft smile before going back to reading.

The silence wasn’t awkward, nor was it uncomfortable. Matt had a way of making you feel loved and safe, even without speaking the words out loud. Having grown up with his own mental health struggles around anxiety, your boyfriend understood the importance of “being alone together” and just existing in each other's orbit, without the need for words.

“Thank you.” You whispered shyly after about thirty minutes of silence.

“For what?” Matt asked you, closing the book and setting it on the pillow next to him.

You sat down your craft as well and moved to snuggle into his arms, angling yourself so that you could hear the beat of his heart. “For just letting me be me.”

The brunette buried his nose in your hair, speaking softly against his head. “I love you.”

“You just let me be and we can do our own things without feeling awkward or weird,” You explained. “It’s comforting…and it makes me fall more in love with you.” You giggled softly, a blush creeping up your neck.

Matt held you closer to his body, arms wrapped around you protectively. “You’re perfect, baby. All of you.”

As you snuggled further into his hold, the two of you fell into companionable silence again, enjoying each other’s company. It really was the little moments like these that made you realize just how lucky you were to be in such an accepting, caring relationship.

Support Swapping ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

Over the past year of dating Matt, you had fallen into a wonderful routine with your boyfriend, one that allowed you to distribute your spoons more easily and allowed him a slight break from his anxiety, especially socially.

“Support Swapping” as you two called it was great help and was arguably one of the best parts of your relationship. Being autistic and having ADHD, you tended to struggle with executive functioning, always focusing on the wrong things instead of doing what you needed to maintain a healthy lifestyle. If you were hyperfixated on something, your mind could block out all reminders and signals from your body to eat, drink, rest, and use the bathroom. Once you finally realized how depleted you were, it would inevitably lead to an autistic meltdown because of the overwhelming sensory urges of hunger, exhaustion, and thirst.

Matt, on the other hand, oftentimes struggled with parts of his job that came along with being a content creator. As much as he loved being in front of the camera and giving the fans funny content, he despised writing and sending emails. Nick could edit out anything that made him seem a little too weird or awkward; he couldn’t control how the recipient would take his email. You however, had loved writing ever since you were a little girl and actually took great pride in being able to communicate effectively through the written word.

When you had voiced these concerns with each other and how they made both of you feel emotionally, it was clear there was only one option, and that was to support each other, just like you were on this particular day. It was nearing dinnertime by this point, the sun setting over the LA skyline as you tapped at the computer in Matt’s office. You had been hunched over the computer all day, filling out paperwork and emails for collabs that Matt had to do. You typed up all the notes for him, pasting them into a document, where he could then sign his name and send them off. Between your love of the written word and routine, writing the same thing over and over again was like a weird therapy for you.

“Sweetheart?” You heard a soft knock at the door before Matt entered the room.

“One sec.” You hummed, eyes still trained on the screen. “I’m almost done.”

“Babe,” Matt spun you around in the office chair so that you were facing him. “I love you and I adore you for doing this for me, but it’s almost seven. Time for dinner.” he chuckled, planting a kiss on your lips.

“Oh,” You blushed, not realizing how much time had gone by. Just then, your stomach rumbled, making Matt give you a knowing look. “This is why we help each other and remind each other.” You snorted, facepalming yourself softly.

Matt kissed your forehead gently, helping you out of the chair and guiding you towards the kitchen with a soft hand on the small of your back. Before you two left the office, though, he sneakily closed out your computer, making sure you would spend the rest of the evening resting. Your heart swelled when you walked into the kitchen and saw your and Matt’s small dining table completely laid with dinner and drinks.

“You didn’t.” You smiled, turning towards your boyfriend.

“I did,” Matt picked you up and kissed you as you wrapped your legs around his waist. “I know how distracted you can get when you’re working, sweetheart.”

You blushed as Matt sat you down at the table, knowing he was absolutely right. “You take care of me so well.”

Matt rubbed your knuckles softly as he sat down in his own chair. “That’s what a partnership is for,” he smiled, the adorable crinkles around his eyes that you loved oh-so-much on full display. “We take care of each other.”

"Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body" ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

You sighed, growing restless as you shifted around in the backseat of the van. The triplets were filming their weekly Friday car video, and you had decided to join on this particular day. You absolutely loved playing Over/Under, but the effects of the evening were beginning to wear on you. Between Chris frequently changing topics to almost anything that wasn’t Over/Under and Nick’s yelling, you were starting to become overstimulated.

You shifted, trying to pull your hoodie off since it was starting to irritate you, only to loudly smack your arm on the hard, plastic door of the car. All three boys looked your way, making your cheeks burn with embarrassment.

“Are you okay?” Matt asked with a chuckle, but his eyes held a concerned look.

“Mhm,” You nodded, trying not to let your frustration show. “Just a little too hot.”

“We should finish up. Nick’s second timer has already gone off.” Matt turned in his seat and stretched, trying to discreetly end the video.

Matt knew you almost as well, if not better than you knew yourself, and he could tell that you weren’t super comfortable, despite your best efforts to hide it. Even he had to admit that Chris’s frequent change of topics and Nick’s yelling was getting to be a lot, so he couldn’t even imagine how you were feeling. Luckily, his brothers seemed to take the hint, and the boys swiftly ended the video, with you whispering a little ‘bye’ in the background.

As your boyfriend began to try towards the triplets' LA home, you shoved your earbuds into your ears, closing your eyes and leaning your head against the window. You were overstimulated and exhausted, and the next person to add to sensory overload was going to catch it if you didn’t try to calm yourself. You were so caught up in the awful feelings taking over your body and your anxiety that you didn't even notice that Matt had pulled into the garage and Nick and Chris had vacated the car until your boyfriend turned in his seat, patting your knee.

“You okay, baby?” he asked softly.

“No…” You mumbled, trying not to choke on tears. “Too much.”

Matt understood what you meant and gently helped you out of the car and into the house without another word. On the way to your shared bedroom, he quietly shushed Nick and Chris, mumbling a little ‘overstimulated’. Both brothers were aware of you being autistic and immediately piped down, silently feeling terrible for you.

Your boyfriend sat you down on the edge of the bed, handing you a fidget toy from off your nightstand. Despite the discomfort you were experiencing, you felt your heart swell as you watched Matt gently take off your socks and shoes, before standing up and looking at you.

“Do you want your headphones?” he asked you in sign language.

You could’ve cried right then and there because of your sheer love for Matt. Ever since you two had started dating and you had explained that you used ASL to communicate when you were feeling overstimulated, the brunette had taken it upon himself to learn as much of the language as possible. He was still rather beginner level, but it was the thought behind it that made you want to squeeze him and pepper his face with kisses.

You nodded to his question, and Matt swiftly replaced your earbuds with better quality, noise canceling headphones. You sighed softly at the relief, standing up and wrapping your arms around your boyfriend's waist. “Thank you,” You signed against his chest. “I love you.”

Matt hugged you back gently, almost like he was scared you would break. “Pajamas?” he asked again.

You nodded once more, and your boyfriend gently helped you into soft, sensory approved pajama pants and one of his faded, soft shirts. You quietly got curled up under your weighted blanket as Matt bustled around the room, getting himself ready for bed, but the pressure wasn’t enough. You needed something more. As your boyfriend crawled into bed, you rolled over onto your side, tapping his shoulder gently.

“Will you lay on me?” You signed.

Matt smiled, kissing your forehead gently. He grabbed the remote and turned on your comfort show on the television, before laying his head softly on your stomach. You smiled and sighed contently at the feeling, running your fingers through his soft, brown curls. That was one of your favorite stims, and the feeling of Matt’s pressure, combined with stimming and noise canceling headphones, was slowly calming you down.

Over the hour that followed, Matt softly laid more and more of his body weight over top of you. He knew that deep pressure therapy helped you regulate your nervous system, especially when you were overstimulated. If some extra love and cuddles would help, he wasn’t going to be the one to complain. Sure enough, by the time he looked up at you, you were fast asleep, a happy little smile on your lips.

Penguin Pebbling ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

Matt looked over at you from his position on the couch as you giggled, happily kicking your feet. “What’s so funny?” “Check your Tiktok.” You laughed, a happy little smile taking up residence on your face as you stimmed.

Your boyfriend smiled at whatever antics you had going on, migrating to his phone. You let out a little giggle as you watched Matt’s facial expressions change, from that of confusion, to that of happiness.

“You really sent me one hundred and fifty different cat videos?” he asked, though his tone was playful.

“They reminded me of you,” You whined, throwing a stuffed animal at him. “You’re the one who always sends people images of sleeping kittens and says ‘that’s me’.”

Matt chuckled as he sat watching every single video. He knew how important sharing was to you, especially when it had to do with the people you cared about. “Penguin pebbling” as it was called, was the act of unconventional gift giving as a sign of affection. Your boyfriend absolutely loved when you did this, because it was pure love. It wasn’t big, expensive gifts or luxury vacations. It was the smallest, most accessible thing in the world, yet you took time out of your day to do it.

“Have I ever told you I love you?” the brunette asked, sliding onto the floor beside you and kissing your cheek.

“Maybe once or twice.” You grinned.

tags ♡: @jake-and-johnnies-slut @chrissfavwh3re @suyqa @mbsbaby @herxyz @lovingchrissposts @caffeinatedscorpio @bunny-cotton @crazychrisl0v3r @sturnioloxlver @whicked-hazlatwhore @blahbel668 @sturncakez @junnniee @biggesthat3r @sturniolowhore @mggcult @emmagirouard @athaliahxoxo @bitchydragonparadise @ilydeaky @soggyslugg169 @not-phone-guy @books0fever @stingerayyy2 @sunsetsturniolos @mimi-luvzyu @mayhem-72 @faygo-frog @oobleoob @aemrsy @billsslutt

note ♡: if you'd like to be added to my taglist, click here <3

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thorniest-rose · 3 months

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Hi everyone,

A lot’s happened over the last few days and I know that I’ve been under a lot of scrutiny and the subject of conversation, so I wanted to take a moment to talk about it with you. I didn't address it last week when I was told that people in the fandom were posting about me and sharing screenshots of my blog. This was to protect my mental health, but now I want to share my own thoughts.

It's really hard not to lash out in situations like this because of how much it hurts. To go through something like this is shocking and humiliating, it rips the ground up from under your feet. But I didn't want to go on the attack because I knew how much worse that would make things. No matter how opinionated I am, conflict makes me feel sick and makes me want to hide. So instead of lashing out, I've done a lot of thinking over the past few days, not just about what's happened to me, but about things I've done and what could have led to this.

Firstly, I want to apologise to everyone whose feelings I may have hurt when I posted certain things in the past. I want any space that I cultivate to be a happy, positive one for the people who spend time here and at times I think I’ve unintentionally created an atmosphere that has felt combative or alienating. I honestly never consider myself to be a well-known writer or someone whose voice has reach in the wider fandom. No matter how many followers I have or how many people read my fics, I always see myself as a girl just spending time on her tumblr, but that's naive and I should have recognised that in a shared space, all opinions are seen and have an impact.

Discourse is my least favourite thing about interacting in fandom and there have been times where I’ve let myself be drawn into it. That doesn’t mean it’s ever okay to look down on what other people enjoy and I really regret posting those things now because that’s not who I am as a person. Expressing displeasure and other negative feelings isn’t what I want to engage in and I should remember how easy it is for flippant, spur of the moment comments to be taken out of context. Saying things like “I don’t like this” even on my own blog is immature and beneath me and I’m genuinely sorry.

I am also in no way any sort of authority on how these characters are written, no one is. A fandom is for everyone. I’m passionate and vocal in my own space because I treat my tumblr as a slumber party with my friends, but in my enthusiasm, there have been times where it seems like I’m saying my characterisations are the only valid ones. I don’t think that’s the case at all, and I genuinely love and admire the creativity in this fandom. I’ve said this before, but just because I have preferences doesn’t mean I want every characterisation to be the same as mine because that would become extremely dull. I believe that any and all interpretations should have an audience.

However, while I take responsibility for the things I've said on my blog, the things that have been said about me in response have been extremely spiteful and damaging. I never wanted a war with anyone. I should know better than to court discourse in such a volatile fandom, even inadvertently. To take issue with me and what I said is fine, I accept the criticism and apologise; at times my comments have been juvenile and mean-spirited. But a group of people targeting me, screenshotting my posts, calling me names and attacking what I write isn’t proportionate at all and encourages a wider pack mentality. I think we should all remember that there is an actual person behind the screen reading the things that we post and that our words can cause real harm. It’s easy to dehumanise an avatar and a username. And I think it speaks to a rot at the heart of fandoms that so many people find pleasure in fighting and where feelings can fester into hatred and vitriol.

I am outspoken and passionate about what I love. I sometimes bristle at things I see that don’t gel with my ideas or at a misjudged tone, and I post about them instead of seeing the bigger picture and moving on. It’s a flaw and something I’m working on, to be more open and less reactive. I don’t want fighting or tension, and I don’t want rivalries. I also don’t ever want to make people feel like their characterisations are wrong/invalid/unworthy or that they themselves don’t belong and that I’m some kind of fandom queen bee trying to ice them out. While that’s genuinely never been my intention, I can see how things have been taken that way and I’m sorry for that too.

Again, I’m sorry to everyone I’ve hurt or alienated with comments that I’ve made. I always want to be kind and compassionate. And while I don’t think what’s happened over the past few days is OK, I can see the bigger picture and why things I’ve said, or the atmosphere I’ve cultivated, has planted seeds of resentment. I've also unblocked the person who's been posting about me, if they want to reach out to talk privately.

I know there are people reading this who have been following me for the past four years, and in that time have seen me struggle, and fall down, and make mistakes, but hopefully grow and learn from those mistakes too. I’m so grateful to you all.

I’m going to take a break from tumblr for a week or so, to spend time away from socials, to connect with friends and other passions and focus on self-care. And to write, of course, because I’ll always be writing, whether it’s here or elsewhere.

See you all soon,

Brooke 💕

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brainrot-goes-brrrrrr · 20 days

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Savanna Squad Presentation Night Headcanons/mini fic [1/3]

splitting this into three headcanon parts because my god its long

eat up :]

Ashlyn's POV

So the question is: How did we get here? Simple answer really. Taylor. She was always the one to suggest these kinds of things, team building hang outs, though last time it was just us.

The rest of the boys had plans. Tyler had practice to attend, one of the late kinds, Ben and Logan had a project together due for bio in a day or two, and Aiden, for some reason, had a late dentist appointment (much to his dismay). Only Taylor could make it to the graveyard early. Initially, we were just meant to manage our resources, which was manageable with one person, but it was always easier with other people to bounce ideas off of. That's all it was meant to be, but Taylor had other ideas.

"Girls night!!" She had cheered, and we just hung out.

And I had fun.

But as Logan fights with his laptop to mirror on the T.V for the presenters, that being us, I can't help but feel like I'm going to regret this one. Especially with Tweedledee and Tweedledum in the background yelling about something that I don't want to know about, but will probably learn against my will.

Just as Taylor and Ben come downstairs with blankets and pillows, Logan's T.V finally projects the wallpaper of his laptop.

"It's set up, thank god," he sighs, with that last part being under his breathe. And as we set up in his living room, Ben dragging Aiden and Tyler from the kitchen, both with bags of snacks in their arms, and Taylor handing out blankets, we finally sit in our places.

The next question, however, is Who goes first?

Taylor Hernandez

Taylor goes first because she's the one who planned it and was the most excited about it. Aiden tried to go first, but it was collectively agreed that he would be going last for no reason other than to piss him off lmao

Anyways, we love a STEM girl (be still my own heart) so her presentation would be all about her tools and work for the mechanics club. She takes this club seriously, not only because it's good for networking, but because she genuinely finds it fun. I like to think that there are two levels to the club where one is just a standard club and the second level is a competition team, and she was shooting to be a part of the competition league (totally not projecting because I'm a robotics kid)

Her presentation is so well done. It's not only really well organized, but it is just so pretty. It's the type of presentation that teachers would drool over. Avid Canva user b/c it has a lot of customization options that she loves.

What's a toolbox tour without the actual toolbox that's just as decorated as her slideshow. And she takes care of it, too.

Her presentation is so fun and sets a fun tune for the night, and she manages to make this topic really engaging. She would have a little quiz at the end, too, where if one of the group gets a question correct, they get a piece of candy

shows off tools like she's filming a makeup tutorial, I saw this on tumblr, and it's just canon at this point. No criticisms are accepted because it just isn't possible.

Group's reaction

Ashlyn and Ben are the ones who pay the most attention to the presentation. Ashlyn also gets the most questions right at the end of the quiz.

Logan asks the most questions in between slides, but not in an annoying way. He does get a bit lost, though, considering just how many tools there are.

Tyler and Aiden are still bickering a bit. Aiden can't sit still for the life of himself, but he swears that he is listening. Tyler would say otherwise.

Aiden is, though, and he ends up getting Taylor a really nice tool set that she mentioned she wanted when presenting just because he can. He is her favorite for a few days. He absolutely would have a shit eating grin looking at Tyler to just say, "See, I was listening :D". Tyler would then say that he could go fuck himself /hj

Logan Fields

Logan is next. The laptop hates him, and it's old and shuts down multiple times in his presentation. The group then had to watch this man fight with a busted 4-year-old laptop and lose several times. Have you ever seen your parents fight with a printer the night before you have a school project due? It's like that, and the rest are concerned.

He is an astrology bitch, and I will take no criticisms. But like, not in the way that it controls his life, he would not be caught dead saying that the stars told him to do something, like not let him eat alfredo on Sunday or something like that. He's more interested in the concept itself since the idea of zodiacs have existed for so long. Its his comfort research topic.

Absolutely went HAM on researching each and every one of their birth charts. Ask him to show you his notes, and he would not show you. Why??? because he took up an entire notepad (it's one of the smaller ones but still).

"Logan's so innocent" "Logan's so sweet" "My boy can do no wro-" NO!!!! THAT MOTHERFUCKER WILL READ YOU TO FILTH AND I STAND BY THIS. ITS LIKE HE LOOKED YOUR SOUL, UP AND DOWN, AND EXPOSED IT FOR THE WORLD TO SEE (something tells me Tyler gets it the worse. idk why it just feels right)!!! If he feels like something doesn't fit one of the people in the group he is clear about it

"Here is Gemini, a social butterfly. Here is Ashlyn. A Gemini. I love Ashlyn, but like a year ago I have actually seen you jump a fence to avoid a group of people who go to our high school without thinking, and I would say that needs an intervention but you'd also avoid it by jumping a fence." "..."

The presentation itself is long as hell. Like he goes in depth about everything that he talks about, and if you interrupt him, he will shoot you with a spray bottle. Did I mention there's a group spray bottle? Guess why they have one.

Somehow, he is still only the second longest presentation.

Group's Reaction

Taylor is his biggest hypeman. I feel like she'd also enjoy astrology a bit, too, though she's more of a casual fan. She is also one of the few people who is free from Logan's jabs.

Ben is also free from his jabs because he helped him with the laptop, which, thank god, because Logan was about to lose it. I don't think he really believes in astrology. The most he knows is his sun sign on the surface level. He is invested, though.

Don't think Ash is very interested in astrology either, and at some points in his presentation, he just loses her attention.

Tyler gets sprayed at least twice with the spray bottle because he gets defensive. Surprisingly, I do think he would be somewhat interested and knowledgeable about his star signs at least, mainly because he had to deal with Taylor when she went through an astrology phase (let me tell you it was brutal).

Aiden is also interested and engaged in the presentation, but maybe a little too much. What I mean is that he interrupts at points and is the reason why the spray bottle exists. Logan is flattered, but istg Aiden if you interrupt this man one more time...

By the end of the two presentations, the group is in pretty high spirits and having a good time, despite the fact that two of them are a bit wet.

"..."

Logan's laptop, however, is not, and just as they were setting up Ben's powerpoint, it decides that it was a good time to perform a mandatory update and restarts.

Absolute silence.

You could hear a pin drop.

And all eyes go to Logan.

"..."

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!"

Long story short, the presentations have to be postponed for around an hour and forty-eight minutes (maybe you never know with computers), and Logan is taking a walk.

#school bus graveyard #school bus graveyard webtoon #sbg (webtoon)#sbg #ashlyn banner #aiden clarke #tyler hernandez #taylor hernandez #logan fields #school bus graveyard headcanons #I need them to be happy #let them be happy red #please please please #this was longer than expected #savanna squad

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dotster001 · 5 months

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Okay, I binged "My next life as a villainess" and I gotta defend my girl Catarina

Incoming spoilers for seasons one and two

So Crunchyroll has a comments system, at least on mobile. There were so many comments complaining about Catarina, saying she's so dense and so dumb, and some were like, her being the heroine ruins the show.

And I just want to say....people like her exist! That's literally me! Not even joking, most of her reactions to her romantic prospects are the same exact ones I would make!

Like, some of us aren't good at societal cues. If you want me to know you're in love with me, you have to verbally say, "I'm in love with you, romantically."

Some of us have short term memory. Geordo, as much as I don't trust him, he had the right idea, reminding Caterina a lot about his feelings, giving her romantic gifts, verbally telling her he loved her, not as a friend. I had a lot of respect for that.

Caterina feels very aro-ace coded, which is not to say she's always aro, but sometimes being aro means some days you're aromantic, some days you're not, and sometimes you like a good romance novel, but in real life you can't comprehend how it works.

And an aro ace who was kissed once (looking at you Keith) and then the person who kissed them never brings it up again, never talks about it, goes completely back to normal in terms of interraction, someone with a short memory/attention span, who only knows romance from a literature perspective, who obviously doesn't understand romance from a real life perspective, is gonna assume that it was a) a joke b) a mistake/accident c) the person who kissed them regrets it d) all of the above, or something else.

There's also the level of trauma and stuff that Catarina has gone through, so she may just not have the state of mind to be like, "ah, the guy who engaged himself to me out of guilt, when I was eight, isn't cancelling the engagement because he genuinely loves me." No! Your main focus is survival!

Anyways, people being mean to a heroine who I found myself intimately relating to in a way I haven't before was kind of a bummer, and I felt like someone should stand up for her. Also, I learned I need someone like Geordo, who when I slip into the aro space will remind me how he feels/how I feel. So that was kind of nice 😁

I also highly recommend it, it was super cute, and the characters all had that "chaos reigns" vibe that the twst boys have. Might end up writing for it, cause I'm having a hard time finding fics for it.

#my next life as a villainess #just some thoughts

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the-unpopular-opinion · 1 year

Text

Fan fiction writing and why you as a reader and writer need to care that what happens now is not right

And here is What The Popular WRITERS from THAT fandom taught me about fanfiction writing, and why I won't try that again

And The 10....More Than 10 Lessons I wish I knew earlier about fanfic writing in a fandom

Let me tell you my story....

I wish I've never posted, and if I knew, how the general new author is being treated around I most definitely would not. Or at least I would think twice....or more times.

I thought, that people are genuinely so supportive, to all and every author, by observing interactions between people.

Turns out .....They. Are. NOT.

THERE IS NO SOLIDARITY TO THE FELLOW AUTHOR ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE NEW.

NO ONE CARES TO CHECK YOUR THING.

NO ONE CARES TO HELP.

NOTHING.

THEY GO TO THEIR FAVORITES AND PRAISE THEM PUBLICLY and all the time AND THAT’S ABOUT IT.

A LOT OF PEOPLE GIVE UP AND QUIT BUT THEY COULDN’T CARE LESS.

* I have seen authors write anonymously to other writers blog, asking for advice, after they have been trying a long time but have been ignored, discarded and etc. despite doing their best. Trying to get into the writing guild, or telling their pain of being exhausted trying.

I never wrote to another blog, but it's horrible that there is not even a way to tell how disappointed you are. I wrote on mine, but none of my followers gave a f*, neither whoever else from the fandom, so I quit trying.

At the end: I got 2 kind messages from people, who were not even my followers. I'm greatly and forever thankful to them!

But nobody else cared anyway.

That's the most horrible part of it.

After being ignored for long, at the end there is no one to talk to about it.

-- Here what I've learned though. Go there on your own risk.

The following post contains: cynicism, sarcasm and correct facts. With a pinch of salt. If you are under the age that grants EMOTIONAL MATURITY and critical thinking you may as well skip.

I would advise you to read it if you are a new author and want to post your thing or an author that had seen it with their own eyes....

AND IF YOU CARE ABOUT THE FUTURE OF FAN FICTION AS SUCH AND THE DIVERSITY OF IT, YOU NEED TO TRY TO ACT DIFFERENTLY.

OTHERWISE...THAT WON’T BE THE FIRST OR THE LAST FANDOM THAT WILL SEE THE CLIQUES AND ALL THE ELSE THAT COMES WITH IT.

One of the places I saw.....Not the fandom I come from but you get the idea.....

SO HERE.....

The 10..... More Than 10 Lessons, I wish I knew earlier about fanfic writing in a fandom

Lesson One

It doesn't matter how good you are.

You might be the finest author out there and write great and all......

and STILL get nothing under your fics ( or 10 to 20 notes mostly likes), no comments or engagement - no matter how good you are.

I say this,IN CASE you posted and got nothing, SO YOU to know that probably, 99,9% probably, IT’S NOT YOU.

And in A LOT OF CASES - it DOESN’T GET BETTER WITH TIME.

I CAN’T TELL YOU IF IT WILL GET BETTER....because SOMETIMES IS DOESN’T AND SOMETIMES IT DOES.

That’s how most of the authors ( new authors and not-seen but good authors) GET TREATED IN GENERAL.

Lesson Two

The ONLY thing that matters is, who are your ...."friends".

And to make the right kind of....."friends", you need to BECOME A PROFESSIONAL SYCOPHANT, AND go on popular blogs TO EXERCISE EXCESSIVE FLATTERY, in hopes that you and your fan-fics will get noticed.

The hard truth:

You only become seen and/or popular if popular blogs - the more popular the better - reblog you and recommend you.

Or if you have many ENGAGED WITH YOUR WORK friends and/or followers.

The catch is....that your followers and/or friends NEED TO CARE ABOUT YOU AND YOUR WORK, and reblog, comment and engage with it.

Otherwise it all empty numbers in a list that does nothing!

Side note: I, personally, would recommend going to REDDIT.

Those people know the truth, and we talk active authors, who fic write 10 years and more. The name of the fandom does not mater, because all this is in every fandom on tumblr.

Yes - it does happen. And no - it's not right but...no one else cares. Except me, and may be someone else I don't know personally.

However - I'm no part of any fandom, and am practically free agent with no moral obligation to sugarcoat s***t.

Here is me, leaving you clues. Anyways, I base that all on research that took a year and a lot of googling....so ...yeah

Back to our program:

So if you want to make....”friends” on the right places......

You need to heavily socialize, leave long sophisticated comments as if it is your day to day highs paying job in case you want to be an author.

AND IN CASE YOU HAVE ANY LIMITATIONS such as:

sensory overload

social anxieties

making friends is hard for you for one or other reason

anxieties of any kind

and etcetera

You have got yourself a problem.

And now about the writers guild here.....Ah, the writer guild - here what I have seen:

Lesson Next

The Other authors treat you like competition

*If that's not how you got treated - good for you.

In all other cases:

Unless you are in one of their friends circles they won't:

engage with you and/or your fics

even try to help in some way

They will keep to themselves and their groups.

And if you sink - you sink.

They couldn't care less about:

you being new, and needing the most of support only to gain some sort of visibility, other than 20 likes/ notes.

In fact - the less competition with fics, the better

99 % Silent treatment , 1% Else

If you get lucky.....You will know it.

Lesson Four

A lot of authors use their free fan fic writing, as a stepping stone to original books....which would sell.

And that means they try gather a following, that will probably buy their original books only because they were fans of their fic.

You will feel it.

That's why they treat you like competition in a first place.

Otherwise no one, could be so cold hearted, and just ignore cries for help by a fellow writer.

Unless it is a business or about something people need.

Unless you want to get rid of those people, and have less competition.

Not to mention that comment I read under someone's writing "If someday you publish a book I will buy it...."

And then watching that ALREADY HAPPENING as Someone else “published*”a book ( *welcome in the era of self-publishing), and now offered the said book, signed and etc.it as a “reward” in a “follower CELEBRATION” EVENT.

Yeah, it seems.

I will wonder no more why people act like they do.

Well I thought it's for fun....

There is no fun in stepping on others because you need to to do marketing for your (future) writing endeavors.

Some of us were there just for fun and sharing with like minded people.....But ah well.....

Lesson Next and even the last point aside....

As someone else mentioned, some people may "reject" you simply because they secretly envy you.

Or perceive you as a "threat".

Or simply because...they don’t like you...or your avatar

( *shrug*)

No one however would tell you how they feel, they will "smile and nod" and then stab you in the back.

So BE AWARE.....

Lesson

A lot of authors will ONLY INTERACT WITH YOU, and your writing, no matter the quality of it, and with respect and consider you, IF YOU ARE A POPULAR BLOG....especially popular writing blog.

It does not matter how good you write, or what good you do.

You may be a great writer, and a person, and they will still ignore you.

Because they ONLY need the POPULAR BLOGS SUPPORT.

BECAUSE....THEY ARE POPULAR.

Your support as not-popular, means nothing to them.

Because, the only way to get higher in "fandom hierarchy" is to ...FLATTER and CATER TO POPULAR writing BLOGS, in a hope than they will become friendly and/or recommend your fic.

That's THE ONLY WAY your fic to be read and seen.

And Unless you have a lot of engaged followers and friends is the other option.....

But the usual way is the fic/ fics to be recommended by others...and most importantly POPULAR OTHERS.

So that that type of writer blogs/ people -

will rather compliment, and flatter a bad fic and writing BUT POPULAR author, THAN to tell / recommend anyone who is NOT.

As those authors aim to get seen themselves that's what they do.

Lesson

Being POPULAR does NOT guarantee a good writing or a GENUINE E PERSON BEHIND THE NAME

That's was the most disappointing of it all.

Lesson

BEING POPULAR AND BEING GOOD IN WRITING, ARE TWO SEPARATE, AND COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS to start with.

As I mentioned earlier....

I personally have seen "bad" writers get more notes. attention, a$$ kissing, and love by the fandom than good ones.

And if you ask why....I can't tell you because I don't have a clue.

-- On the questions of how to get into the writers circles--

There is NO guarantee that you will succeed though.

NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.

Lesson

You need to be proactive in "making friends".

IMO - That "you must do this, or that or else" demand, is not a fun thing. That "making friends because otherwise no one would read, you" is NOT a friendly activity.

It's more like mutual benefits. and that is not a friendship.

It becomes a barter - "read mine I will read yours" kind of deal, or authors gives what the crowd needs, because they do not read otherwise.

Once you go there, once you go to the barter side of it -because it's a barter-a fic material/s for engagement... and it becomes a "business".

Yes, no one pays you ( fanfics must be free copyright and all in mind).

But the time investment still stands. Both sides.

The readers though invests time for enjoyment.

And the writer......THE WRITER DOES THE WORK

THE WRITERS do all the work, including activities such like but not limited to:

cold pitches = reaching to other blogs* not knowing what the outcome will be * mainly popular blogs*

marketing = bringing your fic to the attention of your readers

design = designing your dividers, mood boards, fic covers and etc.

investing time in it = writing ( for free *)

And the problem:

if you can’t even get some attention - comments, reblogs, some talk or anything at all on your work - what's the point?

Investing time, no one will return you, in something that gives nothing back? Not a wise "investment"* (* fanfiction is free taking in account copyrights and al that. And should stay that way.)

Also such writing for online posting becomes:

Dull

Time wasting activity

It becomes HARD WORK

And hard work for nothing is NOT "fun"

No engagement = no fun

You may become bitter, and quit writing altogether

and etcetera

And it's supposed to be fun.

And as added bonus: Business is where people would play dirty, if they need to. AND THEY DO.

P:S Don't get me wrong though. I'm sure that some people could find friends like that. But at large - it is not the right way to do it. And in general - not a good idea.

Lesson

Unless you are (already) popular, or have many friends, or belong to a large group, in which people support each other's writing, mostly based on personal internal relations and friendships, or have exceptional people/social skills - you are doomed.

That's about it.

And in case you have any sort of social anxiety, get sensory overload by too much online interactions, or have any other limitation...No one cares.

In general they do the silent treatment.

They may also rather discriminate, and then marking and covering that up as "I owe no one nothing" if you try to say something. Or they would simply ignore all legitimate complains, or worries you may have.

Unless you are popular, have many engaged followers/friends and etc. Then you get the special treatment.

Ah, well. That leads to Lesson Next.

Lesson Next

There is no place where a new, or not so new authors can voice their concerns.Nothing organized and no one will show you to one even if it existed.

You either write ANONYMOUSLY on other blogs, preferably popular, or the fandom may exile you and other pleasantries, if you even try to point a problem.

Otherwise, if you are not popular, and you write on your blog, your posts would most likely:

get ignored - unless you have engaged followers

get no notes - unless you have engaged followers

Lesson

It doesn't matter how good you are, it only matters if you are at the right place, at the right time.

In other words, AT THE END, if you have got the lucky, is all that matters.

And if you are lucky, you will know.

--And now and more lessons - fic wise--

Lesson

The only fics that are being written are x reader content.

Want to write OC?

Tough luck.

You try. Prepare for disappointment.

Don't theorize about it. Don't EVEN think about it.

DON'T.

Unless you are already popular, or have many engaged with your writing friends, or belong to large group in which people support each other writing...sounds familiar ?

My case: I wrote with not described, not named OC btw. I used "she" instead of "you". Got 10 likes, and people not giving a fuck. Based on other fics that were getting 90 and more notes and interaction mine was not bad. Nevertheless. No one cared.

Even popular writers, when writing with characters, and not 'x reader' fics, were getting less notes on their writing, compared to their x reader fics.

Lesson

No one wants to write what's not popular. And that leads to.....There is No diversity.

Because it would not be read, because the "almighty" readers, who have the power to "praise and punish" with their attention.

And what for an author would write hours and hours only to be rejected.

Anyways here it is...

And that lead to LESSON NEXT

Lesson

EVERYONE WRITES TO WIN

also know as being seen fanfic author in a fandom. ( also as - Getting more than 99 notes on your writing)

There is no organic, natural interaction.

It's either mutual benefiting friendships

....quid pro quo AND only if you are lucky. A lot of people CAN’T even get that no matter how many times they recommend and read others...

Also servility and sycophancy

or you are on your own.

It's either praises on popular blogs, and in friend circles or complete silence.

But you may get lucky if you like gambling with the unknown. In that case - good for you.

And as winning - being seen and known author - is the one goal here, despite the fact what they will try to make you think.....

They will play DIRTY, if they need to.

AND THAT OFFERS NEXT LESSON ON ITS OWN:

Lesson

Sycophancy, Servility and Flattery or

How to get into a writers friend circle as a new author

If You want to get in writers friend circle, a.k.a become a seen fanfic author, you do that by exercising general and/or high level sycophancy, servility and extreme flattery on popular blogs.

And it does not matter whether you really like what you read or not.

Note : You may, in fact, enjoy popular writers, some are very good. Some of them are genuinely good people too. But you need to be careful.

In the most cases. though.....

You need to:

write sophisticated comments

interact for hours, and as if it is your high-end paid everyday job -- 'cause authors love that s**t,

And if you don't do that - you don't exist, and they will forget about ya.

Also - you need to write ungodly amounts of fiction, BUT only one that fits their taste...otherwise...or ELSE.

And in short:

if you want to be seen as an author, and/or to become popular, you need to do it and be very social about it no matter if you have limitations of whatever kind. Otherwise no one will help.

Though.....There is the downside......

You may never get in one of those circles, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, and for one reason or another.

EVEN if you do the sycophancy and flattery and servile stuff.

Even if you sell your soul, it may not happen and have the desired effect, because it's a question of luck.

So - choose wisely. Wanna play roulette with a loaded gun with all bullets present but one? That's the odds.

Anyways, and in case you don't succeed to enter one of their circles:

Then you get ignored, because no one gives a f***** otherwise.

And you write, create and put efforts and time into nothing.

Unless you don't mind to be ignored, or you create and write nevertheless, and not for any attention.

Side Note: It's not about popularity as such by the way. It's about a normal amount of attention, every creator needs now and then.

LESSON

EVERYONE in the fandom is a “WRITER”. ALSO AVID READER AND WRITER COMBO

Which you may or may not be.

And even if you comment under other people fics and recommend, you may NOT get anything back.

( I saw many people say that while I was searching ....)

That’s why I said that all that sycophancy and friends with benefits is bad....

It becomes work you need to do for some reason other than enjoying writing and reading fiction and communicating, and it becomes messy.

._.

--Lessons about characters--

Lesson NEXT

The People in the fandom, have and are entitled to a group, fandom-shared, pre-conception of what behaviour certain characters of the actor NEED TO EXHIBIT in the fiction written, in order to be acceptable in writing.

You either write a lot of what they need, want, crave and etc. otherwise - no one reads you, if you do not comply.

And never, in no case, don't you dare to forget. that you the writer MUST, in all and every case, to write ALWAYS and ONLY, with "YOU"......or else.

They punish by ignoring, exercising their "right" to do whatever, and in this case exercising their "right" to ignore, and do the the silent treatment, because what for ill-meant audacity is you- the writer, to offer something for diversity.

( /sarcasm intended. And please think for yourself why such behaviour is UNACCEPTABLE).

It does not matter, if you have an interesting story.

Unless you are lucky, and get the jackpot like that one person I followed.

Or unless you only create what they think the character should be like, and a lot of it.

(Or unless you are backed by a lot of people who love all you do.)

In all other cases - you are doomed to fail.

Here more about the characters.

Examples:

* Markus Pike is a sweetheart.

I saw a fic about a "bad "Marcus once. It had 42 notes. The usual amount of notes, that this same author was getting on their fics was about 800 and more.....

Next - The EQ 2 character.

Oh dear. I can talk about that for hours. Don't even get me started.....

He is usually perceived as rude and mean. And is always like 99,9 % always dominant. The mean, rude, heartless dominant kind of them.

He usually spits....on things, cheats his wife, bangs the babysitter, calls you a wh******, and he is possessive and all that.

And sometimes he is abuser and that kind of thing. And sometimes there are fics about him being submissive. And they allllll ( except some) are in some sort of Pit.

And that's it.

No other men on tumblr.'s fanfiction All Dominant. The rude kind. All into BDSM dynamic. That's it.

Side Note: I don't have problems with dominant characters!!!!! And I don't have problems with personal preferences and kinks.

I do however have problem with the lack of diversity. Because there is NO diversity.

People from the dominant spectrum, come in varieties as everyone else. Also people as a whole are different.

Lesson Unless you follow the unwritten rules of THAT writing fandom, you are doomed as new writer.

Or unless you get lucky...whatever you have, and get.

Have an genuine author need to write something out of love or whatever ?

You better be popular, or have a large friends and/or followers circle.

And last, but not least:

CLIQUES.

Cliques everywhere

Wanna genuine high-school rejection feeling?

You are on the right place.

So that's that.

If you did any of those, and you've succeeded, you are probably:

already in a writers friend circle and you "enjoy" fics and friendly talks with your writer friends

and/or are seen author.

Good for you. Congratulations for things working ot in your favour

----------Otherwise--------------

Welcome to The Void of The Ignored -- We don't have fun here.

-- Thank you for reading my observations and for the utmost patience. Thank you for not getting offended by my cynicism and sarcasm. My intention is not to "offend". I don't like to be rude.

But to point out things that need fixing

In conclusion -

I don't think that this way of behaviour is welcoming to new authors or authors who may have limitations - like social anxiety, sensory overload for one reason or another, or anything else on that note that makes it harder for them, to be authors under your ruler ship.

I personally won't ever post fan fiction online, especially in this community.

But if you, whoever read this all, think you can handle the rejection and the pain that comes with it - You are welcome to try.

Your time, your life.

And If you are lucky, you may have it better.

I however won't do that again. I only felt like my duty to leave a warning.

Because no one warned me, and I needed counseling because I got PTSD because of all that ( and not only). That's what they told me.

So my rating personally:

- 10000000 stars Would NOT recommend.

Disclaimer :

As I mentioned, that's how I was treated and what I saw. Also apparently, that's a standard way in which the writers on tumblr behave as a whole. ( by doing some research you find some very interesting and unsettling things. )

P:S I put so many disclaimers and side notes, because the last time I tried to states something politely, that was my opinion, and my feelings, with me being in a state of depression because of that "fine treatment" no one warned me about, it was taken as "offense" - which it was not.

See my rules of online conduit and behaviour here. Ones I adhere to, and I never go against.

I believe in common courtesy, thank you.

I apologize, if that is too old-school to you.

That resulted in me being dumped by my EX-fave, content creator. Because their bestie got "offended", that they were no longer able to use my deleted content for their fic. And they were a heavy user of my content. I wonder though, and what if I was the one who had 2000 followers, not the other way around....what it would be then?

And for the record - I DON'T PARTICIPATE IN friendship triangulation. Whoever wanted that, was NOT me.

Also - I won't tolerate to be "punished" for having an opinion.

One, stated in not rude manner. I ALWAYS try my best not to be rude.

But seriously, some people get offended, if you do not think like them, and that's childish at it's best.

209 notes · View notes

wwinterwitch · 10 months

Text

high infidelity — jack russell

summary: the heir of ulysses bloodstone has fallen for a monster pairing: jack russell x fem!bloodstone!reader word count: 3k tags: song fic, cheating, arranged marriage, family trauma, angst and fluff, happy ending (let me know if anything else should be added!) note: inspiration came from high infidelity by taylor swift, hence the name of this fic!

a reblog and/or comment really helps me out as a content creator so thank you in advance if you take the time to do either!

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You were miserable. Having to live in a mansion all by yourself, surrounded only by employers and your horrible stepmother. Forced to be a hunter because it was expected of you from the moment you were born.

As the daughter of Ulysses Bloodstone, you had to aspire to perfection. Nothing you ever accomplished seemed to be good enough, so you always had to just do better. From a very young age, you were reminded that no accomplishment will ever be enough.

There was no escape from your inevitable destiny. It doesn't matter if you want this life or not. You had to become a hunter and you must live up to your name. Had to make your father proud. Had to prove you're truly worthy of your birthright.

And you did, especially after your older sister fled and it was only you to continue the legacy. The entire pressure on your shoulders.

Maybe you should've escaped like she did. You'd be so much happier anywhere but here, but for some reason you stayed. Motivated by the ridiculous sense of responsibility, the love you had for your father despite his many flaws, or because this life is all you've ever known...you never knew what made you stay, but you did. And now you're doomed.

No one around you is in your team. Your father is far too worried about other stuff to really care about you. Your stepmother only sees you as some sort of toy or tool, so you only ever exist when she needs something from you. Other hunters expect your downfall so they can take your place. Your sister left you behind and never tried to contact you. It's been you against the world all your life.

You found some hope and comfort, as twisted as it might sound, in the news your father shared with you over dinner just a few months before he passed away: someone was interested in asking for your hand in marriage.

Of course you hated the idea of an arranged marriage, but maybe whoever was asking to marry you could become a true partner, someone to really be there for you. It wasn't ideal, but at least you'll stop feeling alone. After years of feeling like no one was truly there, you were practically begging for someone to show the slightest interest in you. As bad as it sounds, you were just desperately trying to clung onto anyone willing to hold you.

Once again, you were met with disappointment. The only sentiment you're allowed to feel in this life, apparently.

You had to meet your soon-to-be husband at a very awkward dinner. He was very handsome and a skillful hunter, and he looked genuinely interested in you from the moment he laid eyes on you, but it was clear to you that his interest existed for all the wrong reasons. From the very first exchange, you knew that he only cares about your last name.

Still, you tried to make it work. Maybe he can be a decent partner. Maybe he changes and genuinely falls in love with you when he gets to know you. Maybe it won't be that bad.

But that mindset didn't last very long, because things are entirely different now. You can't marry him and you can't stand the idea of having to spend every single day with him. To wake up next to him, to have a family with him, to pretend you're content with your life. You don’t want to try to be okay with any of this anymore.

It's impossible to give him a chance when your heart already belongs to someone else.

Before your engagement was announced, you had the pleasure of crossing paths with Jack Russell. He attended a meeting at the mansion and you happened to meet him there. The two of you talked almost all night, exchanging glances and quick smiles whenever you weren't directly interacting.

That's how it started. That's how you met the most wonderful man in the entire world. The most caring, loving, compassionate and dedicated man. He was captivated by you the second he met you, and you finally felt like someone sees you for who you are. He was interested in you for all the right reasons, and there was no way of staying away from each other after that night.

The feeling of being around him was intoxicating. To finally discover someone who genuinely cares. It was like you were living in this terrible world where everything was dark and lacked meaning, and he was the one who brought light to even the darkest of corners.

Every second away from him was absolute torture, but since no one in your life seemed to care enough to keep track on you, it was easy to sneak behind everyone’s back and be with him. That would explain why neither of you are currently in the big hall with the rest of the hunters that your stepmother invited.

You excused yourself to go upstairs to your bedroom claiming you weren't feeling good. Not so long after, Jack casually had to answer a very important phone call that forced him to leave the room as well. Truth is, he was also making his way upstairs to your bedroom.

And right now, with his lips pressed to yours and your hands tangled in his hair, life just makes sense. It's like you're not even there until he's around. Only he has the power to make you feel like this. Like he's bringing you back to life from the torture that is being the heir of Ulysses Bloodstone.

Jack didn't care about anything that had to do with your family. His love and admiration for you is so much deeper than that. Your team of one was finally welcoming a new member that you wanted to keep next to you forever.

But even when things with Jack were incredible, you often found yourself still feeling miserable because you really want things to be different. It's him the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. You want to be the one he looks for in a crowded room. You want to be the one he holds close at night. You want to be his reason why life's worth living.

You don't want to be a leader, or a hunter, or an heir. Jack was able to change your entire perspective when it came to hunting, showing you just how mistaken you were about 'monsters'. Now, the mere idea of hunting makes you sick to your stomach.

Needless to say, it was quite a shock to find out you had fallen for a werewolf. It was almost ironic, in fact. He trusted you with his secret almost immediately, wanting you to know all there is about him from the start. The fact that he immediately trusted a secret like that to a Bloodstone proved just how much he didn't care about your upbringing. He knew you were one of the good ones, that was unlucky enough to be surrounded by bad guys, forced to learn to behave like one because that's all you knew. Evidently, you never broke that trust and you kept his secret.

Still, it was a very big confession that he just threw your way barely fazed by the caliber of his words. Only when he noticed your expression, he looked worried– scared, even. He'd always get insecure about this side of him, so he immediately feared you were going to push him away.

"I'm sorry, I–" Jack tried, hoping to be able to reason with you. "I just did what I thought was right. I don't want secrets between us."

"I...I just don't understand. Aren't you a hunter?" was all you had to say. "I mean, how is that possible?"

"Was my acting that good?" he tried to joke, just to make the situation less awkward. "I'm not a hunter. Never was, never will be."

It was very strange at first. You never saw it coming, though you appreciated the fact that he was so open about it and willing to tell you right away despite the dangers that came with it.

And you could practically hear the cries of horror coming from your family because you didn't try to kill him the second he revealed he's a werewolf. Your father was probably rolling in his grave because his successor is fraternizing with the enemy (and doing a lot more than just basic cordiality). They'd probably kill you too if they ever find out about this.

Not like you care much about consequences, anyway. Not when you have Jack by your side. Nothing else matters compared to him. And if anyone tries to hurt him, you'll do whatever it takes to keep him safe.

You were extremely grateful that he was there to show you an entirely new perspective. He introduced you to many of his friends, all of them much friendlier than all the hunters you've met (a statement that definitely includes your family too). Your eyes were open to a new reality and it made you realize the true monsters are the ones staring back at you every single day. Your fiancée, your stepmother, the large portrait of your father staring down at you from above the large fireplace in the living room.

But worst of all was realizing that there was also a monster staring back at you whenever you were standing in front of the mirror.

"This is horrible," you had commented once. It was only you and Jack walking across the forest. The two of you just visited a few of Jack's friends. that were attacked by hunters a few days ago and decided to hide for a little while. "They're trying to live their lives and we're out here hunting them just because we feel like it? Because someone said they're dangerous and we just ran with it? It's not fair."

"You're not like the others," he reminded you. "Even they can tell."

"Yeah, but I used to be," you sighed, wishing you could just turn back time. "I did a lot of things I'm not proud of, Jack. Things you'd hate me for, and you have all the right to."

Jack forced you to stop walking, gently grabbing your hand to turn you around so you could look at him. His eyes were as soft as ever as he stared back at you. "You have the kindest heart I've ever known, mi amor. It was you who told me not to let my killings define me because I don't know any better, and right now I think you should listen to your own words," he finished with a sympathetic smile.

You barely nodded, guilt and regret still eating you from the inside, your mind filled with all of these memories of who you used to be. "I'm so sorry..." you muttered as Jack immediately pulled you in for a hug. "I'm so sorry..." you repeated, wrapping your arms around him.

"It's okay, baby. It's okay..." he says in a gentle voice, trying his best to comfort you. "You were willing to see things in a new perspective and now you've changed. That's all that matters."

From that day on, you swore things will change when and if you take over. No more ruthless hunting, just when and if it's necessary. Just when there's really a beast that needs to be stopped, and even then maybe killing them is too much. There's got to be a much humane way of dealing with them.

It was unclear how you'd be able to make that happen but, again, with Jack by your side you feel pretty invincible.

Unfortunately, Jack couldn't stay upstairs with you for too long. You laid in bed, still thinking about him. His lips exploring your neck and his hands eagerly roaming over your body. He left just a few minutes ago but you already miss him like you haven't seen him in decades. It was getting harder not to be around him whenever you want, making you think to yourself as you lay there just how long you'll be able to pretend this hunter lifestyle isn't slowly killing you.

The next day was pretty uneventful. If you closed your eyes long enough, you could still feel Jack's hands gripping your hips and listen to his whispers as he verbalized his love for you in the forms of "you're beautiful", "I could stay here with you forever" and "when did I get so lucky?".

You were so lost in your thoughts that you barely noticed your fiancée walking inside the room you were in. Suddenly, the book you were holding was the most important thing as you tried to act like you were reading instead of daydreaming.

"Feeling better today?" he asks, a hint of venom in his words. You figured he was just a little upset because you left to go to bed early, which is not what ‘the heir’ should do.

"Yes, a lot better. Thank you," you replied, looking up at him to give him a fake smile before looking back down at your book. Despite thinking that was the end of that, he stood in front of you, forcing you to look up again. "Is there something else I can help you with?" you asked, a little irritated that he's just standing there staring at you.

He looked more frustrated than ever. "I'd appreciate it if you could just tell me the truth for once, you know?"

Your stomach dropped, but tried to act like you had no idea what he was talking about. "What is that supposed to mean?"

He scoffed almost immediately. "You really think I'm that stupid? That I don't see the way he looks at you? Or how you two are always sneaking around behind everyone's back every chance you get?"

To say you were surprised would be an understatement. He knows? Oh, of course he knows, how could he not? But still, you wonder...how long has he known about you and Jack?

Before you could even ask, your partner spoke again. "I know you're seeing him. I know you're with him when you claim to go out on a 'hunting trip'. I know he gave you that necklace you always wear. I know you always run to him whenever you have the chance." You sat there in front of him completely speechless, which only encouraged him to continue. "What, you're not even gonna try to deny it?"

There was a quick pause.

"You said you wanted me to tell you the truth," was your cryptic reply, shrugging.

"So you are seeing him."

"Would it make any difference if I try to convince you otherwise?"

"Not really, but it'd be nice to know that you care at least a little about me– about us."

"Us?” you immediately say, almost as if the word was insulting to hear. “There is no us, don't you see?"

He gave you a look that showed you exactly how hurt he was, but after all this time knowing him, you couldn't shake off the feeling that he's not exactly hurting because he's realizing he completely lost you. He just lost his prize. "I loved you. I've been trying to make this work for both of us."

Perhaps he didn't even realize how much you were hurting while being in this arrangement, and he probably hasn't realized he's been loving you the wrong way.

"You really think something good could ever come out of this? I knew you were going to be my husband before I even met you in person. Can't you see how fucked up that is? We've been forced into this, there's no way love– true love, can grow in these circumstances."

"So you had to run to him?" he snapped. "He showed you what 'true love' is? Is that it? He gave you everything I never will?"

"Why are we even doing this?" you snapped, getting frustrated. "Do you really want to know every little detail there is about me and Jack?"

"I think I've noticed enough," he replied. "I can't believe you were capable of this."

"Well, sorry for not living up to the idea you made up in your head when you decided you wanted to marry me."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Did you ask my father to marry me because you actually wanted me, or was it because I was the easy way of accessing the Bloodstone legacy? Right now, to this day, the idea of permanently joining this family isn't one of the many reasons why you're here?" you confronted him, and obviously he didn't have much to say. "Haven't you been silent about me and Jack all this time just so you don't risk losing your place here?"

He didn't speak after that, so you stood up from your seat and walked closer to him. "I'm not proud of the way this unfolded, but Jack's the only person that has ever made me feel like I'm worth something beyond my last name and I deeply love him. What we have is the most precious thing I have right now, and I can't give that up."

His eyes traveled down to your hands when he noticed you were taking off your ring. You never really liked it anyway. Your stepmother picked it for you. Oh, how you absolutely despise that woman.

"Here," you continue as you hand him the ring, which he accepted with a perplexed expression. "You can have this, the mansion, the leadership, absolutely everything you wanted. I'm done trying to pretend like that's what I want."

"What are you doing?" he finally asks, turning to look at you as you're about to leave the room.

"I quit, basically," you say nonchalantly, like it was no big deal. To all the hunters out there it might be, but you couldn't care any less about this anymore.

He thankfully didn't stop you as you walked out of the room, still feeling the adrenaline rushing through your body. Did you really just say that? It wasn't one of those rants you do all by yourself? Those little moments you take to daydream of what it would be like to not be here living this life?

No. This is real. You're finally free.

With the biggest smile on your face, you rushed upstairs to gather your things and stuff them in suitcases as fast as you could, already starting to picture what freedom will be like. Just you and Jack, saving innocent creatures from the hunters, sharing your love for one another without anything standing in the way. You just couldn't wait to tell him about this.

#jack russell #jack russell x reader #jack russell x fem!reader #jack russell fic #werewolf by night #werewolf by night fic #mcu x reader #mcu fic

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chainofclovers · 1 year

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A fandom thing that brings me great discomfort is the assumption that "all" queer fans are naturally going to flock around a single ship, and if you don't see it happening you're definitely straight and possibly homophobic. Those are some wild things to assume!

(I'll note a bit of added context here: I don't participate in Twitter fandom, so Discord and Tumblr are my main exposures to character and ship discourse, and AO3 and Livejournal and fansites are the current and past places I've consumed fic. When I'm into a show, I tend to read widely in the main tags even if I usually gravitate towards one or more favorite ships.)

In my current fandom, my inclinations are mostly centered around a m/f ship as well as multi-shipping a variety of monogamous and poly ships (many/most of which are queer). This is a bit of a departure from most of my previous fandom experiences, which have been centered around very subtextual f/f ships in fandom spaces where the fic-writing and discourse is nearly entirely centered around femslash. My corner of this current fandom includes tons of queer fans (of which I am one), as well as plenty of fans who don't identify as queer. In all the fandom spaces I'm in and in all the pairings (and gen fic) I enjoy from this show, there tends to be a lot of nuanced exploration of gender and sexuality, including explorations of queerness, including within transformative works about that popular m/f ship.

Over the last few weeks, I've watched the ship wars in my fandom, which used to be largely focused around that m/f ship I happen to love, kinda shift into what I think is a bit of an emerging-from-within defensive campaign for a popular m/m ship.

(Some more context: I have zero interest in engaging in ship wars. I believe all ships with adult characters are valid ships. I am invested in what will happen in the canon of this show, but "endgame" has never been the driver for my participation in any fandom, and I'd be shocked if I don't continue to create transformative works about my favorite ships for months and years to come regardless of what happens with the show. I personally don't adore the popular m/m ship, although I definitely see the chemistry and for most of the time this show has existed, I've appreciated the enthusiasm for the characters and the ship even if it's not my cup of tea. I enjoy both characters and their canonical relationship, and completely understand why the romantic ship is very popular.)

I find it genuinely kind of funny and amusing that for ship war participants fighting for basically any ship within this fandom, the arguments they experience from antis are incredibly similar--for character x and character y to get together, or for character x and character z to get together, it would be cliche, it would be tired, it would be unnecessary, we already have plenty of rep like that, or there's no way these characters could make sense as rep like that, there's nothing in the text that supports this ship, etc.

What feels newer is this insinuation that to opt out of shipping a particular thing means you are unable to see it. If you just don't prefer it or don't predict that it will happen in canon, that must mean that you believe the people who do see it happening are delusional, and therefore you are the enemy.

And attendant with that viewpoint is this idea that there are only two options in media: "the" queer ship will go canon, or the entire show is a big queerbaity setup. Does queerbaiting exist? Yes! Is it happening right now? No! Queerbaiting is, essentially, a broken promise from creator to fan.

The reason all this bums me out try as I might to ignore it and continue having a grand time is multifold: it's a gender thing and a rarepair thing and a thing about ship-as-campaign that saps the fun and joy out of (sub)text and text and the beautiful mystery of watching a story unfold faster than anything.

The gender thing: the show I'm talking about has a character who identifies herself as bisexual in the first season. Do I want more about that story? Do I think that story could and should take up more space? Yes! But is it there? Absolutely. And it's been disheartening to see people either ignore her completely or chalk this part of the story up to "lame jokes" as if humor and flirtation are less-than or inauthentic ways to engage with one's sexuality. It's disheartening to hear people talk about how they hope this show will have its first queer representation when there's been a queer woman on the show the whole time.

The rarepair thing: fic writers, presumably of every orientation under the sun, have been creating very queer fic about a multitude of characters on this show (including, notably, characters who are women) this whole time. There are queer pairings with twenty or fifteen or even three, two, or one stories in their tag. And it feels like lately all these pockets of fandom, regardless of what we've been writing, are getting lumped into this generic "straight" soup of people who lack the vision for the thing that's now "the" thing. But the things that made me want to write queer fic (and, yes, m/f fic) about all these characters, including one of the characters who is part of the popular m/m fic, are things I picked up in the source material, too.

The ship-as-campaign thing: it's exhausting. And it takes something that's pretty inherently queer--the communal act of engaging with a text and transforming it in a million beautiful (or depraved, or silly, or gross, or genre-defying) ways--and splinters it into factions. And assumes stupidity (or outright bigotry) on the part of those who don't see it the exact same way you do. Of course there's bigotry in this fandom, and among casual viewers. It's shit. So why invent more of it that isn't there when we could all focus on eradicating what is there? I don't think there's anything wrong with hoping fervently that you get to see the love story you want to see play out onscreen. That's absolutely how I feel. It's the way this stuff gets treated like a political platform that needs to do numbers to win...that's what bothers me, regardless of which ship it's about.

This has gone on way too long and I very easily might end up regretting making this post, which is very obviously about the thing it is about. If you reblog it, do NOT use it to campaign for any ships or belittle anyone for enjoying the ships they enjoy. PLEASE. Every single one of the ships is great and interesting and worthy of being explored by fandom, and you're selling fandom and community and queer culture short if you assume all the queers have to go in one room and all the straights have to go in another. We can be excited about the things we're excited about without making those hurtful assumptions and making ourselves miserable over a thing that is actually extremely cool.

#queer things #fandom things #hot dork club #personal #(but you can reblog as long as you don't use it for the purpose of ship wars or campaigns!)#and what the heck i guess i'll tag it with the show?#i don't wanna start anything but genuinely express something that i find hurtful and interesting at the same time!#ted lasso

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sam-monroe · 2 months

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deciding to re-do my headcanon post for sam. anyways, our favorite sad boy.

✦ psychologically, all the shit that sam went through in that singular summer would possibly lead to another relapse either with RX, weed, or perhaps something else that we haven’t seen in movie. he’s only 16, so he will still be impulsive especially through that deep pain of losing george.

✦ personally, i 100% feel as if Robin and Peter did in fact divorce after and we can see it implied when she does refuse to go to bed after he starts to realize it’s crumbling.

✦ i get why in film they have the “feeling lighter looking lighter trope” and sam removed his piercings, but cmon… you don’t just stick needles in your face just because (please, don’t do it kids…), but dammit let him just be emo.

✦ growing up in downtown LA, sam would have a great diversity in food and i’ve dubbed him as a lengua boi because i said so. he just gets onions and cilantro with it and of course a mexican coke because after having that first one, he could never go back.

✦ at the opening shot where we see sam getting his paint can (?) and rag, we see the contexts of his messy ass desk which include: an everclear magazine, a papa roach magazine, many scattered CDs of alt/rock/etc genres, a black macbook, and of course, a purple bong. which still cracks me up that he genuinely didn’t care about it being out and about so freely.

✦ on the cabinet unit near the doors to his room, he also has polaroids stuck onto it, and i like to headcanon it’s from the few happy times he had with the few “friends” he had through school. though, i also feel like he rarely let anyone truly get close, especially when beginning to make deals with Josh even when he would try to deny it (which we see in the film too)

✦ also, the cabinet has a TV (a small box one, probably from the 60s that george hoarded) and a VHS collection with some nice horror film

✦ because of the deals with Josh, it’s difficult for sam to engage with anything sexual with his partners in a car. even with getting himself into the situations for weed money, it’s still fucking traumatizing, and would affect him later on.

✦ as soon as a character (especially in a 2001) film shouts i’m not gay!!! well buddy, it’s job then to make him a little fruity. personally, i dub him as bisexual with an interest mostly in women but sometimes there’s just a hot ass man that comes into his life and it makes him weak.

✦ sam 100% got a job at hot topic because as you can see in the fic i’ve posted, i decided to make him emo again.

✦ of course, with him being emo again and my personal hatred of manson (which didn’t age well), sam is definitely a fan of NIN. he isn’t a crazy fanboy, but he does enjoy playing it and it was probably one of the few bands that george and him could listen to together… just… yknow, selectively. sam definitely made mixed cds for when they were working on the house lbr.

✦ robin and sam do start to mend their relationship through the grief of losing george, but i also headcanon that robin does find a new boyfriend about a year after (will eventually write that out)

✦ sam definitely becomes dependent on weed again, but he does prefer to make blunts rather than using a bong. at least once, robin has caught him making brownies which leads to the both of them just having one and watching horror movies together.

✦ sam is on the autism spectrum.

✦ he 100% has stick and poke tattoos he did himself. one is a smiley face, another is a jellyfish.

✦ after alissa and josh barging into shower time, when he returned to robin’s house he definitely got more secure locks on his own door which i suspect are built in his room due to the beaded curtain we see next to his desk. with the layout of the house by what we see up the stairs, we can assume it’s another closet (unlikely imo), a bathroom, or just a random ass space that has a wall dividing it from his actual bedroom. i personally just opt for the bathroom idea, and it is the only area of sam’s room that is always clean.

✦ he does hang out with adam and ryan more, because of ryan being the eldest in 2001 (roughly 11 or so… maybe…), he does have a growing wedge between sam and himself, especially when sam just starts to be alt again.

✦ george named sam, and his legal name is samwise. yes, after the tolkien character because george was a huge fucking nerd.

✦ sam eventually becomes an architect and attends the same school george went to.

#.txt #sam #headcanon #sam monroe #sam monroe headcanon #life as a house

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bettsfic · 6 months

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(Love on Display is the series name for ASE and its sequel)

okay so for this commentary i went through my ASE tag to read the asks i'd gotten about it because i can't really remember the whole process, and found this response i'd written:

you know how like when you read or watch something, you kind of look for the character you relate to most? when i was rereading the hunger games last month i was thinking, i don’t relate to a single one of you bitches. and then annie shows up like “nope nope nope i can handle exactly 0% of this bullshit” and i was just, ah there i am

looking back on my mental health issues, the irony is that i was writing about madness in a time i was actually pretty stable, despite the pandemic being in full swing. i remember writing ASE throughout summer, sitting on my grandma's porch swing and admiring her garden, going inside only when it got dark enough for the fireflies to come out. at the time, i was approaching my third year of rejections on the original fiction front; i'd been querying agents for over a year and submitting short stories, and i felt like i wasn't getting anywhere. i was also about to start a phd program, which i was apprehensive about, to say the least. i wish i'd listened to that "i have a bad feeling about this" instinct.

tbosas had just come out (to almost no attention or acclaim; even now with the film coming out in a couple weeks, the gifsets i've been reblogging don't get a lot of traffic and the tag only has 250 fics in it) and so i read it, loved it, and immediately re-read the hunger games with the new lens of snow's origin story.

the hunger games is one of the few things that i think is completely worth the hype. it's a beautifully written series and i really admire it. tbosas i thought was even better, because it felt like suzanne collins had full creative control. it's not easy writing a villain origin story and i think she really managed to thread the needle with coriolanus as a POV character who is really the antagonist of two protagonists whose POVs we don't have access to.

anyway as soon as i finished re-reading the hunger games, i went back to read the one thg fic i'd written after the film series concluded, the baker's son. it wasn't as bad as i remembered it, because 2015-16 were the years i was really starting to figure out how to write, so everything from that time in my memory is hand-wavy at best. but i remember thinking, this could have been really good if i'd just taken my time with it.

back then, i never took my time with anything. i had so many ideas that i had to churn through them in order to get to the next one. when you're just starting out writing, you haven't followed through on enough ideas to know how to sort through them properly and find the ones that have legs. so i was still learning how to control my attention.

and so ASE marked a huge change in the way i viewed my own work and the reception thereof. i was getting nowhere in publishing, i was no longer in one single fandom and so i didn't really have a community, and i finally realized the only guarantee i would ever have is my own joy. that changed everything.

i know i'll always love the hunger games, because i genuinely believe it's good. it's engaging and entertaining and meaningful. before, i'd written for canons i actually didn't like, because communities had formed around them and i was inspired by what i felt was unmet potential in canon. but i know i'll never rewatch supernatural or the 100. in fact i didn't finish either of them. with big fandoms, sure, i get more traffic and comments. but i'd stopped writing for traffic and comments. i wrote ASE because it was fun, and i knew in 10 years i'd read the hunger games again, and i would want my perfect fixit fic. and i would want it to be long, and well thought out, and something i could be proud of.

i've kept that "i'm writing for my 40 year old self" mentality for all my writing. at 40, i want to look back at what i wrote at 30 and know it was time well spent because it made me happy during a hard time in human history. it's a lot easier to make creative decisions when you're writing for an audience of your future self.

with tbosas coming out soon, i'm hoping to finish the coriojanus fic i started in 2020 (i think it's 7k?). and looking back through my ASE tag i also saw how many ideas i had for finnick POV and i could see myself fiddling around with a few of those prompts eventually.

#ase #tbosas #bomb time

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buckys-little-belle · 2 years

Note

hi! idk if your requests are still open now but if they are i was wondering if you could do one where loki accidentally finds out about the reader’s regression? (preferably he/they pronouns but she is fine if you’d prefer)

i hope you’re having a nice day/night, i love you and your fics so much! <33

“Little Man”

Loki (He/Him) x Little!Reader (He/They Pronouns)

Warnings - Reader has tears for like two seconds, reader drinks juice, mentions of staying up all night, mentions of a party.

Note - In this fic Loki goes by He/Him pronouns, I am always writing him with his queer identity in mind, in other fics I may write Loki with They/Them or She/Her pronouns as Loki is gender fluid and the character as well as other gender fluid people deserve genuine representation in media that is consumed by fans/themselves.

Note Two - I loved this request, of course as usual I took some creative liberty in brining it to life, and therefore if the decisions and creative directions made do not fit you were picturing please feel free to send me another message Bub and I will be glad to change things/create something that aligns with your original idea.

SFW - Please keep all interactions with this post and with this blog SFW.

- - - - - -

Loki loved and hated living in the Avengers compound, he was close to his brother, and friend Y/n, but he hated the idea of being surrounded by people who disliked him, who thought he was still the villain he once was. Sure, he tried to take over the entirety of New York, but he said sorry, and it had been a few years. new members added to the team, years of him proving himself, many late night crying, yet he still felt isolated from others.

Though, even in the darkness that seemed to surround him, follow him everywhere, there was always this overwhelming light, a sense of comfort and love when Y/n was around, his smile making Loki feel once again wanted and loved by someone so wholeheartedly.

Y/n was a new recruit a few years back, an analyst for the team, helping them track down, pin, and intercept the true villains that lurked around the world. They lived in the compound, his small room located closer to the main building so he could easily access the tools they may need to do their magic. When they moved in Loki had promptly requested a room change, hoping and successfully being closer to the one friend he seemed to have.

Y/n loved the company, they weren’t shy, but had a hard time relating to the Avengers, though Y/n was technically an Avenger he never really felt like he could adorn that title, they didn’t fight battles hand to hand, and therefore felt excluded. Maybe that’s why Loki was drawn to him, the two excluded people of the team teaming up seemed to be the most obvious idea, and it worked out great.

Y/n and Loki spent their days watching movies, playing board games, and participating in other everyday activities together. The two of them knew everything about each other, spilling secrets and confiding in each other was something they did often.

Though Loki was never told about Y/n’s age regression, him to scared to tell Loki, and no one else knowing. Y/n was good at hiding it, allowing Loki to be non the wiser. Loki would only know if he looked in the closed white bin in Y/n’s closet, their Little gear, stuffies, blankets and more organized and cleaned, ready to be used.

“Hi Loki!” Y/n cheered as they opened their door, the door Loki had just knocked on seconds ago. “I’m almost ready to go, I just need to grab a few things!” He said, walking around his room, shoving things into his bag.

Loki and Y/n were going to a classic Tony Stark party, one celebrating his and Pepper’s news of engagement. The party was casual, but it was in the Stark tower, a place where comforts were fancy and often not useable. Y/n always brought a water bottle and a sweater with him. “Is there anything I can help you with?” Loki asked, standing in the doorway, a simple black longsleeve tucked in slightly at the waist of his black jeans. His usual attire, black clothing always helped him blend into crowds, just the way he liked.

“Um.” Y/n thought. “Can you grab me a sweater from the closet over there?” He asked, pointing to the large white closet on the other side of the room.

Loki strode over, opening the door and peering inside, he looked at the sweaters, debating on grabbing a black or blue one. Then he looked down, a white box strewn open, a few things inside and outside, all in disarray, like it had been rifled through. Like the good friend he is, he bent down, picking a few things up and placing them back inside. A baby blanket, sippy cup, stuffed worm … Thousands of thoughts ran through his mind, originally he thought they were childhood souvenirs, but they were too well kept, too new.

“Loki?” Y/n called from the bathroom, wondering if he had grabbed a sweater or not.

Loki quickly cleaned the things up, placing them nicely in the box and then putting the lid back on, pretending to tie his shoe before Y/n could notice what he was really doing. “Yah, sorry here.” He said, grabbing the first sweater readily available and handing it over. “Ready to go?” He asked, ready to get the night over so he could do some more sleuthing.

- - - - - -

Loki had stayed up all night that night, hunched over the computer in his room, this being the first time he had ever really used it, his love for books often overpowered his want of technology. Searches like ‘why does my friend have baby things.’ ‘worm stuffed animal’ ‘what is age regression’ ‘is my friend a little’ ‘am i a daddy’ ‘am i a caregiver’ ‘amazon’ ‘worm stuffed animals’ ‘yellow worm stuffed animals’ ‘where to find worm stuffed animals’ haunted his computer, the thing whirling air at him, begging him to let it cool down.

When he heard a nock at the door he stood up, not even noticing it was now the morning. “Loki?” A voice called from the other side, when he opened the door a tired but worried Y/n stood in front of him. A coffee and a juice held in his hands as he stared at the sleepless and almost feral looking Loki. “You weren’t at breakfast.” They mumbled, handing him a coffee and whipping their eyes as they sat on Loki’s bed. “What are you up to?” He said, yawning as he snuggled deeper into Lokis pillows, enjoying the soft comfort they bring.

“Are you a …” Loki began, trailing off as he once again sat in his computer chair, taking a sip of his coffee, abandoning his sentence.

“Am I what?” Y/n asked, perking up. “Annoyed?” They laughed, sitting up and placing their juice on Lokis night table. “It was so weird at breakfast without you, I sat in between Steve and Bucky, I don’t recommend it, they workout before breakfast.” Y/n shuddered, laughing as they looked at a now lost in space Loki.

“No I just.” Loki began, unsure of how to approach the situation. “The box in your closet.” He whispered, half hoping Y/n heard him and half hoping they didn’t.

“Oh that’s just, you know, I, Loki, It’s just stuff from, well like you know the, I, Um.” Y/n began sputtering, Loki soon cutting them off.

“Y/n I know you’re a little.” He said, now looking at Y/n, who sat on his bed, slowly entering a fight or fight mode.

“No, I’m not.” Y/n lied, clear as day.

“It’s okay, really.” Loki comforted. “I spent all night researching, I’m not going to make fun of you.”

Y/n sat in silence, his mind racing at insane speeds, ‘what does this mean’ ‘what will Loki think’ ‘will he treat me differently’.

“Little man.” Loki said, his newly updated brain noticing clear signs of regression.

Y/n looked up from their lap, tears formed in their eyes as their mind was unable to comprehend the situation at hand. “You weren’t supposed to find out.” They cried. “I’m sorry Loki.”

“Don’t apologize, I want to be here for you, I’m glad I found out.” He smiled, walking towards Y/n and crouching down next to the bed. “Maybe we can even watch those dragon movies you have hidden away.” He offered, genuinely excited to see if they were worth the hype the caregivers on the internet gave it.

“Okay.” Y/n whispered, placing his forehead against Loki’s, his tears now stopped, a wave of comfort flowing over him. What he didn’t know was this is how Loki felt everyday, Y/n giving him that feeling of comfort and belonging that he now gave them.

“Go grab your worm and I’ll grab the movies.” Loki said, standing up and walking towards the door.

“My worm?” Y/n asked, confused as to what Loki was referring to.

“Yes your green worm in the box.” He said matter of factly.

“It’s a caterpillar and his name is Leafy.” Y/n said, their voice dripping with sass, how dare Loki call Leafy a WORM?!

- - - - - -

‘where to find caterpillar stuffed animal in many colours’

#buckys little belle #age regression fic #anon #little!reader #age regression #loki x little!reader #loki x little reader #loki x y/n #loki x reader #loki fanfic #mcu loki #loki laufeyson #loki laufeyson x little!reader #loki laufeyson x little reader

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jaskiersbard · 4 months

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In the notes of your Newtina titanic story you said that you wanted to write about Tina/Theseus’ marriage and life, and all the bits in between Newt dying when the ship sank and Tina dying as an old lady, so I just wanted to ask what things you had in mind about them? There’s not a lot of Theseus/Tina in the fandom but it intrigues me, and I feel like there’s a lot to be said about them getting married after the deaths of their respective lovers etc. Hope that makes sense, have a good day!

Hello! First, I'm glad you seemed to like my story and are curious about it, I like when people ask me about my writing!

I don't know if I ever will write a fic one day - if I did, it would probably just be a series of oneshots for my own amusement, including some "what if" Newt survived that night on the Titanic ideas - so I don't want to go into too much detail just in case, but I'll tell you the general idea I had in mind when I was writing the fic.

Some of these are mentioned in the fic, but I thought I'd give a full outline just to clear it all up:

As stated in the final chapter of the story, Theseus and Tina got married so that her son wouldn't be a bastard, and because Theseus knew his brother would want him to take care of Tina/the baby - he felt like he had to. Neither of them had any intentions to become anymore than friends, and - as Theseus said before they agreed to marry - if in a few years Tina had fallen in love with someone else, he would have agreed to an annulment so that she could have had a marriage of love. It was a tough decision for Tina because she had just escaped a loveless engagement with an abusive man, but she also knew that Theseus' proposal came from a place of genuine care, and it was also practical given that she couldn't have afforded to raise the child on her own with the small money she was making.

They started sharing a bed a month after the baby was born, but NOTHING (I feel I have to stress this) happened between them; it was, again, a matter of practicality because the apartment they lived in was tiny, and poor Theseus was putting his back out sleeping on the couch every night. If anything, they were like really good friends who lived together, with him helping Tina raise his nephew. Neither of them had any desire to have any relationships after losing their lovers on the Titanic; they had loved Newt and Lally far too much to consider it, and the loss of them hurt for the rest of their lives.

When the child - Leo - started calling Theseus "Dad," Theseus wanted to correct his nephew but Tina didn't see the point - the whole point of the marriage was so that she wouldn't have be seen as an unwed mother, that no one would know that her son was born out of a four-day affair on a doomed ocean liner, and it would be too confusing to explain that to a child. They always said, "we'll tell him one day, when he's older", but that day never came because Theseus and Tina couldn't bear to talk about Titanic as they continued to live their lives.

Theseus went off to fight in World War I, obviously, and was a war hero. It was only once he'd been called to fight and was gone that Tina realised how much she had - against her better judgement - come to care for him and depend on him. Whatever the reason for their circumstances, they were raising a child and living together, and that had inevitably brought them closer. It wasn't that she needed him - she was independent, proudly so - but more that she wanted him in her life by this point, because she had already lost so many people in her life. When he came home, it was a happy day for all of the family because Theseus had missed her and the little boy terribly too.

It was during the time that Theseus was off fighting that Tina took up writing, thinking about how a freckled and kind man she still loved had wanted to write a book about the animals that he loved so dearly - and she knew she had to do it in his place now that he was gone, knew that she had to because he was the only reason she was alive and free.

April 14th and April 15th were always the hardest two days for Theseus and Tina - the night and day that haunted them constantly. They always passed those two days without comment, merely keeping to themselves and sometimes sitting together with tea and books. Neither of them could think of the right words to say, no matter how many years passed, and it was easier to just not talk about it.

On April 15th 1919 - the seventh anniversary of the sinking - that Tina turned to him in the early hours of the morning and buried her face into his neck. This was not in itself unusual, at this point they were both fairly comfortable with each other, and for a while they had just laid there finding comfort in that embrace, not speaking. It was then that she realised how safe she felt with him, how much she cared for him, and she didn't think before her mouth was suddenly seeking his desperately. When he gave a start, she softly pleaded with him and - despite the fact his brain was screaming that it was wrong - he melted; he couldn't turn her away.

Let's be honest, neither of them had had sex with anyone since Titanic; the last time for Theseus had been the night before the collision, when Newt (and the Swedish man sharing their cabin) hadn't been around, and for Tina it was mere hours before the collision - it had been seven years for both of them.

(That first time between them can be found in the fanfic, obviously, and while I could very well have written a much steamier and longer scene to show it, I decided against it at the time because the fic was monstrously long and I was scared of pissing people off. I may choose to extend it one day, who knows? The point is, they slept together.)

After it was over, she cried and he slept on the couch that night, both of them very lonely. The next day, despite being angry at themselves for allowing it to happen, they talked it out together; truthfully, neither of them saw the other as their deceased lovers, and while the love wasn't the same as she had once had with Newt - and he with Lally - there was still love there. Perhaps it was in part because they had gone through that very same traumatic event, they had both lost someone, they were both haunted by what they had lost... but they did have love for each other.

They agreed that they didn't want to talk about Newt, Lally or Titanic ever again - the memories were too painful. This is actually something many Titanic survivors (including crew) in real life experienced; the memories of that night, the fact that most of the survivors had lost loved ones, meant that they didn't want to talk about it because it was just too painful and traumatic to remember/discuss.

Theseus and Tina had a daughter in November 1921, and no one would have ever been able to guess that there was a difference between Leo and Evelyn. They were treated exactly the same, and neither of them ever had any inkling of what happened in their parents' past. (It does also mean that they were half-siblings AND kind of cousins which...is not something I considered until now, but oh well). The family moved to a small but cosy house shortly before the new baby arrived, and Tina asked Theseus if he had ever considered going back to England; despite their agreement to never discuss that night, Theseus just smiled wryly at her and muttered, "Tell me, do you really want to get back on a boat after...?" and that was that.

After nearly a decade of hard work, Tina published her first book - a concise but still somewhat charming encyclopedia that was titled Fantastic Beasts. She had written it more for herself, more to ease an ache in her chest, but it - to her surprise - started to sell extremely well. Many an animal enthusiast and zoologist found inspiration reading it growing up, something she found herself rather proud of.

Over the years, their family went from being dirt poor to thriving; Tina began to write more and more books, from fiction to non-fiction, from thrillers to children's novels (though not romance - never romance), and earned many prizes during her career. Theseus started working as a patrolman, later moving up to police work and even within the government; he liked to joke that Tina would have done well in the job herself, but he meant it - her crime novels were scarily accurate and brilliant. The Scamanders weren't "rich", per say, but they were comfortable as the years went on.

Tina never did see Seraphina or her sister again - but she saw in the newspaper one day that Queenie was marrying someone called "Kowalski", an infamous baker in the New York area whose shop was constantly thriving and who had plans of expanding his business further into a franchise. Tina's eyes were filled with relieved but happy tears when she saw the photo of her beautiful little sister printed in a paper, the headline "Socialite Marries Star Baker" far less interesting and heartwarming than the clearly joyous look on the bride's face as she held her husband's arm.

The children went off to college and began to lead their own lives; Evelyn later married and had three girls of her own. Leo got married twice; his first wife, Amara, was a woman he met during his travels shortly after university, and they had a son together - Rolf (b. 1952). Not long after Rolf was born, Leo and his wife had an amicable divorce, and he remarried to someone called Elizabeth (who, thankfully, loved Rolf as if he were her own); he and his second wife had a son called Arthur (b. 1955), and he and Rolf were inseparable growing up.

Leo died in 1979, at the age of 66, from cancer; his wife died a year or so later. It was, understandably, very difficult for Tina; the only solace that she had was that both of her grandsons were enough like their father that the memory and spirit of the man she'd once loved didn't die completely.

In mid-January 1981, a week after what would have been Leo's 68th birthday, Arthur and his wife welcomed a daughter who they named Ellie - a small but healthy little thing with reddish-brown hair and big blue eyes. She wasn't the first great-grandchild, but she was the one Tina undeniably had a soft-spot for (despite how much she tried to deny it)

It was a shock when Ellie's parents died in an accident two years later; there were limited options for where she'd go - Theseus and Tina, and then Rolf (her grandparents on her other side were, to put it simply, on the other side of the world and not interested in taking care of her given that she had shown "behavioural issues" which were in fact just early signs of autism). Tina and Theseus, despite their advancing age, didn't hesitate to take her in; technically, Rolf was her legal guardian but he travelled often, so she was with her great-grandparents for most of her life.

Much like Newt was autistic (undiagnosed, of course, given the time period he lived in), Ellie was too - she was diagnosed as a child; Tina and Theseus knew when they noticed that - like Newt - she struggled with eye contact, when she liked to stim, when she cried at certain noises or lights... she was like him in a lot of ways, perhaps even more than she was like her strong formidable great-grandma.

"great-grandma" and "great-grandpa" were a mouthful for a toddler/young child, by the way, so all of the great-grandchildren called Tina and Theseus "Nana" and "Pops".

Theseus died in 1988, aged 104; Tina was 93 by this point, and while she was still pretty healthy and kick-ass for her age, Rolf made the decision then to stay with her and help her look after his niece. It was an admittedly strange family to live in - a great-grandmother, an uncle and a teenager - but it worked for the leftover Scamanders.

Theseus had almost-exactly the same experience that Tina later had when he died; he was young again, walking up the grand staircase, the people waiting for him, his brother smiling and squeezing him tight, thanking him for looking after Tina and the family - and Lally, as beautiful as the day he last saw her, grinning as she threw her arms around him and kissed him full on the mouth without a care in the world.

Ellie's special interest in Titanic began about three years before the events of the story after reading a book about it that she'd borrowed from the library; Tina knew about how obsessed her great-granddaughter got, and a few times she considered saying something to her, but every time she thought about it she ended up with a horrible lump in her throat that she couldn't get rid of. Besides, at eleven years old, it was probably too young to give her all the details.

Tina truly had no intentions of ever telling anyone what happened on Titanic - but then she saw Luna Lovegood on the television, saw the long-lost drawing, and she knew that the time had come to unburden herself.

And...yeah, that's pretty much a detailed summary of it all. I know it's a super long summary, probably a little too long, but these ideas were all written (in much shorter bullet points and less detail) at the bottom of the document I used to write the story (the entire story was written on one document that ended up reaching 179 pages in total), and I wanted to put it all into the fic originally. But at the end of the day, it is in fact a Newtina story at its very core, and I felt that writing paragraphs upon paragraphs about Theseus/Tina at the end of the fic was unnecessary, especially as most of the blanks can be easily filled in by the reader.

Anyway, I've spent WAY too long delving into explicit detail about a fic I know very few people read, so I'm going to end it here. Have a good day, anon, and thank you for indulging me!

#too long post is too long #i got carried away but anyway #newtina #newt scamander #tina goldstein #theseus scamander #fantastic beasts #fantastic beasts fanfiction

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absynthe--minded · 2 years

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Hi! Sorry to bother, but do you know where I can read more about Tolkien's opinion on queer relationships and queerness in general? I haven't read all of the letters, but in one of them he says some icky and misogynistic stuff about (het) relationships and I was kind of disappointed. (I don't mean this in a 'gotcha' kind of way, I'm just a queer person who's genuinely bothered by some of his views and wants to learn more)

I don’t think it’s any sort of a gotcha!

The short answer (there is more I have to say, but I’ll give you the important bit first) is that Tolkien never made any explicit and confirmed statements one way or the other about queerness. I’ve seen some people allude to things but I’ve never found anything concrete, and this fandom and this scholarly field are both homophobic enough that if there were anything he said against queer relationships we’d have all heard it by now. also, seriously, good job digging deeper into his views and interrogating them - he was far from perfect and honest, forthright engagement with his flaws is basically the only way we’ll move forward and tackle them.

the longer answer is that while he was both openly sexist (ranging from pretty bad misogyny to “uh, have you ever met a woman in your life?”) and openly racist (usually taking the form of “repeating any ethnic stereotypes he came across without any thought of their relationship to reality, and having no idea of what was or wasn’t offensive”) his feelings on queerness are harder to find. this isn’t that unusual - even people we’ve been able to confirm as queer or probably queer are in many cases silent about their relationship with their sexuality, and Tolkien was in a position where even if he himself was queer (which, by the way, is my opinion) he’d probably have no incentive to say so directly.

because this fandom and this scholarly discipline are so overwhelmingly cishet, queer scholarship of Tolkien is in its infancy, even to a point that means most people who are open to queer readings and queer interpretations will balk at trying to argue for the canonicity of queer relationships and queer subtext, there’s also not a lot of writing on this subject by biographers or other academics. however, there’s a fair bit of evidence that at least argues both that Tolkien was okay with IRL queer people and he was consciously engaging with queer themes in his works.

what we know is this:

he was friendly with W.H. Auden (gay), and a deep admirer of the works of Mary Renault (lesbian who wrote historical M/M fic focusing on the classics, sort of a midcentury Madeline Miller but more focused on historical accuracy). in fact he’s on the record as saying he loved Renault’s books (specifically The King Must Die and The Bull from the Sea, though possibly also The Charioteer and The Last of the Wine, both of which are explicitly gay fiction) and the fan letter she sent him was among his most prized correspondences

he was Catholic, but he purposefully wrote stories or developed narrative ideas that weren’t directly in compliance with Catholicism, and he did acknowledge that in one case (specifically the Gift of Men and the concept of euthanasia as a blessing) he was interested in exploring concepts as good stories rather than moral messages - this shows that his faith wouldn’t have necessarily bound him to only depict homosexuality badly

he wouldn’t have suffered socially for speaking out against queerness (other authors of his circle like C.S. Lewis were more vocal) but he didn’t, which indicates a choice not to

he was aware of and directly inspired by Homeric epics alongside Northern European sources, and this does include the Iliad

Quenya doesn’t have gendered pronouns, and we know that in at least one draft he changed gendered words like “husband” and “wife” to “spouse”. he also depicts elves and dwarves as having a high degree of androgyny, and elvish marriages are not explicitly required to be between a male elf and a female elf

his inclusion of vital and important relationships like Túrin and Beleg, Frodo and Sam, and Fingon and Maedhros alongside equally important het relationships indicates that he was interested in giving space to M/M that blurs or steps over the line between platonic het-approved friendship and queerness

there’s something to be said for how British midcentury queer literature depicts queer men as sad outcasts at war with their true nature who can’t ever be happy, and how Tolkien writes a lot of men in relationships with other men who are in that position except they’re miserable because of outside forces (the Ring, the Oath, Morgoth’s curse, their failings as people apart from relationships) and their deep connections with other men are the happiest and best part of who they are

this is, as you can see, both an area that really needs further study and an area that has just enough to suggest that he wasn’t a garden variety homophobe.

I hope that helps?

#replies #absynthe’s meta #queer tolkien scholarship is basically a ghost town

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singsweetmelodies · 5 months

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different anon, but there are so many (okay, not that many) fics where charles used to be with pierre and ends up with max, or pierre is pining while charles gets with max that i just really like when it's max->charles <--> pierre. something about how lestappen only has racing (if that) but pierre and charles have a relationship that developped beyond racing and they maintain the effort to keep it going despite increasing engagements. it's about pierre being chosen and not having to fight for validation or love.

oh my god, anon, YES. i was reading your ask nodding all the way through it like 🙏‼️ you are SO correct, friend!! in fact, this is something @boxboxbrioche and i have discussed at length - how we'd LOVE to see a fic where the "standard" (and in our opinion sickening, sorry, lol) trope of pierre-pining-for-charles-who-loves-max is INVERTED. let's have max pine for charles who is perfectly, beautifully happy with pierre!!!! because exactly like you said, anon: lestappen don't have any sort of relationship outside of racing, and even in racing, it's... they're friendly coworkers, at best. not friends. (charles has repeatedly said that pierre is his only real friend on the grid!!)

pierre and charles, though - they're genuinely friends and they genuinely love each other's company. like you said: they make an effort to stay close despite increasing engagements and hectic lives. they make an effort for each other - and if that isn't love, then what is? (not whatever charles and max have, that's for sure.)

perhaps i'm a bit petty, and too much of a pierre girl at heart - but oh my god, i HATE the way pierre tends to be portrayed in charles/max fics. either he's an asshole, or he's not even there (lol) or there's this whole idea that he might love charles but he can never have/deserve charles. i'm sorry, but to me that's BULLSHIT. charles has chosen pierre over and over - what more do you need? in short, anon, i couldn't agree more with you when you said "it's about pierre being chosen and not having to fight for validation or love." you are so so so SO right for that take 🙏 i am right there with you, and i crave a fic where it's never even questioned that pierre is the one who charles chooses. and it's max who has to fight for scraps of validation/love (because let's be honest, this is the most accurate portrayal, anyway!)

maybe briony and i will write this fic one day 👀❤️ but until then: thank you SO much for sharing your thoughts, anon, and i think i can safely speak for briony too when i say that we both agree COMPLETELY and you are 100% correct 🙏❤️

#asks & answers #anon #darling piarles anons 🥰#OOOOOHHHHH the charles -> max -> pierre depiction in fic is something we have ranted about SO MUCH #like i said: we agree with you COMPLETELY; anon #why on earth is pierre the one who has to fight for validation and love!! NO!!#he's the one who charles chooses unconditionally ffs #*i* think it would be super cathartic to write a fic where MAX pines hopelessly for charles who is happy and in love with pierre #(also i have a thing for outside POVs on a happy piarles relationship 👀 i LOVE it)#so yeah! perhaps this fic is coming to you from briony & katie circa 2026 #🤣😭 xD #anyways. LOVE YOU ANON!! tysm for sharing your thoughts <33333

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evelhak · 3 months

Text

It's a bit late because it took me a while to figure out what I wanted to post about, but here are my

Fandom Wishes for the New Year

Disclaimer: these are purposefully written in a way that might evoke difficult feelings in people. If you're not in a good headspace for being self-critical, it might be better not to read this list right now. None of these points were inspired by a particular person, so if you feel like you recognise yourself in some of them, and you're in my circles, it was not a message directed at you, and doesn't imply that I have any negative feelings towards you. These are all based on general human nature, and I'm only pointing that out because I know social anxiety is pretty common among Tumblr users, and I want to reassure you that this is not secretly about you personally.

A little introduction note:

If any of these wishes spark feelings of resistance or defensiveness in you, I wish that you would not disregard them, because it's likely that the points that cause those feelings are the exact ones you would benefit from working on.

This is not from me to fandom as if I know everything and do things correctly. I am part of fandom and these are as much from me to me as they can be from you to you, if you want. God knows I know which ones here I need to work on right now, and there are probably things I haven't even noticed.

I wrote these things because so many of us spend a lot of the year criticising other people in fandom and talking about the stuff we don't like seeing in it, or affirming that the things we like to do in fandom are valuable, (which are important discussions) but it's not as common to see visible attempts to work on ourselves, to recognise what we could personally do better ourselves to make fandom a better place for everyone.

This is for that purpose. Because pointing fingers is so much easier than looking in the mirror. Because there is no one in fandom who does everything right or everything wrong. We can always do better and a very small improvement can send out big waves.

If you start reading this list just to affirm yourself that you're already doing enough in regards to all of these things, please come back later.

If while reading this list, you notice yourself focusing on how you know people who would benefit from thinking about any of these things, please come back later.

This is not for congratulating yourself or judging anyone else. This is intended as a self-development tool. If you can't first (and continuously) face yourself with genuine humility, your opinions about other people are not going promote genuine acceptance and cooperation because even if you're right about something you're placing yourself above others, not as one of them.

This is not a feel-good list. Growth is painful and everyone has fragile points in their ego.

This is also not an "everything is wrong here" declaration. This list is an attempt to point out things that can help when things go wrong, but it is also intended to help before things go wrong.

Please, remember that finding things you could work on, does not mean that you aren't already a valued and loved participant in fandom.

I also think it might be helpful to make sure you're not distracted or in a vulnerable state before you go on.

Thank you for sharing fandom and I hope you can find something useful here.

Fandom Wishes

for anyone it may concern

🌱 May you seek connection with someone you have negative feelings towards and work to get past those feelings in yourself

🌱 May you appreciate any work for what it is instead of complaining about what it isn't

🌱 May you engage with a format or genre of fic/art that makes you feel difficult feelings for one reason or another

🌱 May you fall in love with an idea you used to despise

🌱 May you give a genuine compliment to someone you are envious of

🌱 May you engage with a side of fandom in direct opposition to yours with true, instead of performed respect

🌱 May you remember that truly objective interpretation of a work does not exist (no, not even "the literal" one)

🌱 May you rejoice in being one of the many

🌱 May you find freedom in being one of the few

🌱 May you suspend your disbelief when you have a "vampires don't sparkle" type of moment

🌱 May your love be stronger than your pride when receiving constructive criticism (directly or indirectly)

🌱 May you find joy in genuinely appreciating a headcanon or other take that directly contradicts yours

🌱 May you find gold in imperfections

🌱 May you learn from people you feel aren't as smart as you

🌱 May you not punish people you feel are smarter than you, for being human

🌱 May you look beyond the presentation of something to appreciate its core and meaning

🌱 May you catch yourself when you're about to engage in "Be yourself -no, not like that" type of behaviour

🌱 May you take a step back before responding in anger

🌱 May you stop yourself from using freedom of expression as an excuse to be mean or uncaring

🌱 May you stop yourself from guilt tripping people to engage with your work

🌱 May you resist the urge to correct someone who is having harmless fun while not caring about facts

🌱 May you resist the urge to share unsolicited advice on someone's vent post

🌱 May you give more unprompted compliments

🌱 May you engage in more collaborative work in any way you could find meaning in

🌱 May you jump into the unknown and do the things you secretly regret missing the opportunities for

🌱 May you talk your issues out in private when you feel the urge to vague-post about someone you know on Tumblr

🌱 May you refrain from deciding "they're idiots" when you spot a trend you don't like, and dig into fandom history to find out why the trend exists instead

🌱 May you remember that acknowledging that you are mean, judgemental or too critical of others doesn't give you a free pass to continue to do so

🌱 May you win over your shyness, insecurities or fear of being part of something in case you get hurt

🌱 May you do the things you tell yourself don't matter, to make yourself feel better about not doing them

🌱 May you accept that you don't own your interests, and seek connection instead of withdrawing from others

🌱 May you remember that bigger, higher, more, different, unique, scientific, objective, eloquent, detailed, layered, stronger, etc. are not things that inherently make something more valuable than another thing

🌱 May you find good things about characters you dislike

🌱 May you find depth in characters you didn't think had any, possibly with the help of someone particularly interested in the character

🌱 May you learn to ask "Why would the author do this?" in curiosity instead of anger

🌱 May you notice when your initially valid criticism of a popular trend turns to illogical hate

🌱 May you notice when your initially valid criticism of a niche turns to ignorance

🌱 May you create something about an element in canon or fanon that you have deemed unimportant

🌱 May you internalise the idea that curating your online experience includes expanding it sometimes

🌱 May you engage in something silly if you gravitate towards serious content

🌱 May you engage in something heavier if you gravitate towards light-hearted content

🌱 May you remember that your appreciation of someone's creations should not come with strings attached

🌱 May you look for new and unrecognised fan creations and uplift them to keep fandom striving

🌱 May your "Where did you come from?" reaction to new people in fandom be filled with love and curiosity instead of suspicion and exclusion

🌱 May you understand that someone else's success is not the reason for your feelings of failure

🌱 May you remember that putting others down does not elevate you

🌱 May you understand that someone not needing what you wish to give is not about you

🌱 May you recognise the difference between feeling threatened by someone because of them and because of you

🌱 May you remember that the pursuit of objective truth is not valuable in all fandom activities

🌱 May you understand that someone moving on to a new interest or new fandom is not a betrayal of you

🌱 May you accept that sometimes you have to confront the difficult things in fandom and yourself, and it's not because you shouldn't have fun, it's so you can keep having fun

🌱 May you understand that freedom of expression doesn't mean lack of consequences

🌱 May you consider that offence may not be the best defence when you're dealing with people you share a valuable interest with

🌱 May you remember that feeling sorry for yourself because you made a mistake and withdrawing because of your guilt is not helping anyone

🌱 May you accept that you are going to leave a footprint in fandom no matter how insignificant you think you are, so your actions matter for better and worse

🌱 May you show more active curiousity towards people's creations instead of sitting back and waiting for what they post next

🌱 If you want to see something, an idea, a change, anything, be the first to do it or suggest it

End note:

If any of the points listed make you go "But-" "What about-" "This doesn't apply to me because-", please stop. The purpose of these wishes is not to apply them to every situation you can think of. For example, to engage with a person you have negative feelings about does not imply you should engage with a person who has been abusive to you. It only means it's your job to find where it applies for you, where can you, in particular, work on your prejudices against people and be more open to others.

If you are reading any of these wishes from the point of view of "cases in which these things would not apply" you're willingly misinterpreting them. They are meant to be viewed from the perspective of "cases in which these things could be helpful and applicable to me personally".

None of these wishes are implying that criticism is bad or that you shouldn't have preferences. Neither are any of them implying that you should abandon something in case someone gets upset, or that you're not allowed to have fun or express yourself in your own way. Not all of these wishes are intended to be equally meaningful to every person. We all have different weaknesses and different points of growth.

These wishes are simply prompts you can use to find those personal instances in which you specifically could be kinder, more open, more humble, more fair, more responsible and more welcoming towards your community.

It's so common to hear "you don't owe anything to anyone". No, you don't owe these things to anyone. There's no law or rule that forces you to work on yourself to create a healthier community. But every time I hear this type of thinking, I can't help but think: Wouldn't you want to, though? Wouldn't you want to do things for everyone, not out of obligation, but out of love instead? Wouldn't you want to go the extra mile for someone else if you could, even if they couldn't?

I know I do. That's why, every time I find myself feeling unhappy, insecure, hateful, jealous, dismissive, misunderstood, lonely, bitter, resentful, scared, hurt, or discouraged, I'm going to come back to this list, or anything that has a similar effect, and I'm going to figure out what I can do to fix things.

No matter how good or bad your last year in fandom was, I hope that this one is going to be better. These are just some things to encourage it. ✨

Please, consider reblogging this for other people. 💙

#fandom #new year #community

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