#like girl I have so much confidence in you and I am also absolutely terrified for you AND for the state of your soul

[imababblekat]

A Princely Predicament (MLM)

@xxrainmxx ,"Hello, can I request headcanon of Sidon declaring his feelings to his crush? (Male reader if you can)"

~xXx~

The rhythmic croaking of frogs accompanied the princes' frantic pacing, his webbed feet splishing and splashing as he moved back and forth in the small pool. Stopping briefly, his eyes a lit with an idea and just as quickly shut tight as he shook said thought away, feeling his cheeks heat slightly in embarrassment.

“No, no, that won’t do either.”, he grumbled coming to plop down on a nearby rock.

Prince Sidon was starting to feel more troubled than he had the past few days combined. Resting into his large palms that had been propped up on his knees, the Zora thought back to the source of his current predicament. (Y,n), a Hylian male who he met sometime ago through Link and Zelda, had ever so quickly taken up root in Sidon’s heart. At first, he thought it had been due to simple admiration like with Link, but soon came to realize that it was something much more with the boy. Not only was (y,n) physically attractive to Sidon, but more importantly he had a very enchanting personality. Kind, funny, strong willed, were the simplest of definitions that came to Sidon’s mind if asked to describe his infatuation. It was of course much more than that, but for once, the Zora Prince was at a loss of vocabulary to depict just how much (y,n) gleamed in his eyes.

With a heavy sigh, Sidon looked to the hotfooted frog resting on a lilly pad beside him.

“Oh to be a whimsical frog, living life without the trouble of a heavy heart. Or perhaps you feel complex love just as well as I and others?”

The amphibian only stared back with two, slow blinking eyes, leaving Sidon wondering if the creature was even aware of its existence, but continued nonetheless.

“It’s just. . .I’m so used to receiving such fondness from the girls around me, but never another guy. Hylia, I don’t think I’ve actually ever felt this way about someone before him!”, Sidon exasperated, throwing his arms up but his little audience didn’t even flinch, still sitting with blank stares.

“I’m usually so confident, even in the face of adversity. Yet, whenever (y,n) is around, I feel like a youngling again about to swim up their first waterfall. He makes me feel a way I’ve never felt before. It’s like my heart is about to jump out of my chest! And while it is most thrilling it is also somehow so terrifying. However, I some how feel a deep sorrow or emptiness whenever he leaves. Whether it’s just the room or the domain all together.”

The little frog before the deeply fallen Zora, blinked one eye, and then the other, before shooting out its tongue to moisten one of them. Shaking his head slightly bewilder from such a weird action, Sidon released yet another sigh before turning to look down at his feet, watching the gentle ripples of water around his ankles.

“I really mean it when I say I’ve not felt this way before for anyone. (Y,n) is wonderful, beautiful, handsome, charismatic, you name it. Though I doubt you could come up with any words to encapsulate how truly magnificent he is of a person. If only it were easier to tell him how very fond I am of him. Just walk up to him and say. . .”

Sidon’s expression turned determinate, a frustration at his own lack of courage to confess his emotions to his closest friend bubbling up with in. Standing up quickly, the Prince looked straight down towards the little frog, who still blankly peered back and with a ferocity to his tone, he loudly professed.

“I love you!”

A silence befell around Sidon, the only sound being the tranquil waters around him and other melodies' of nature. Then, out of no where, a firm cough, one used to get the attention of another, and in absolute horror, Sidon turned around so fast he could have given himself whiplash.

“(Y-y,n)!!”

Said Hylian stood there, his cheeks flushed a handsome hue of scarlet, as his gaze followed the quickly retreating frog from beside the large Zora.

“You know, I’d be pretty jealous right now, except. . .”, (y,n) peered back to catch the panicked gaze of Sidon. “I doubt you were confessing to the frog."

Despite his racing heart, the cheeky grin adorning (y,n) face, had Sidon release a light laugh.

“How long have you been there?”, he cautiously asked, feeling his own cheeks alight like his adorations.

“Long enough to know it’s okay for me to do this.”

Sidon confused by (y,n) statement did not have time to question, as the Hylian swiftly walked over to gently pull the large man down and plant a gentle kiss to his lips. The Prince could not believe what was happening, and it took him a quick second to register that all of this was real. That his deep, heartfelt emotions were being reciprocated by his closest of friends. The friend who made all of his charismatic bravado evaporate simply by entering the same room. As soon as it did all register however, Sidon was quick to return the kiss with just as much love if not more, kneeling down for ease of his new partner and holding him close as ever.

Perhaps, he should talk to frogs more often.

~xXx~

#this is my first time writing a male reader so i hope it was okay ^-^ #sidon x reader #prince sidon x reader #prince sidon imagine #sidon imagine #botw x reader #botw imagine #loz #botw #male reader #mlm #fluff #request #@xxrainmxx #imababblekat’s writing

[v3nusxsky]

You're accepting request?

Could I request for a platonic Lady Lesso x Never!reader where the reader has a nightmare and Lady Lesso finds out the reader has an abusive family, please? 🥺❤️

I love that you write about sensitive topics and it brings me so much comfort and it just warms my heart.

xoxo,

🫐💋

Hello my darling, Yes I am accepting requests I love hearing from you all so much. And I absolutely adore this idea so I ran straight to writing it for you. I’m glad you enjoy my work I tend to write from experience and if that sheds light on some rough subjects then that’s a bonus. I hope this fic finds you well Anon🫐💋

They still haunt me

*Authors note~ my requests are open guys :) Having a horrid day today so writing this is really soothing my soul to write. I hope that these fics are helping you all as much as me doves*

Trigger warning~ abusive family? Nightmares

Prompt~ see the ask :)

Most people would be distraught at being taken from their own bed and taken to an unknown destination. But you couldn't be happier to leave. Admittedly you didn't know where you were going or why. But did that really matter? You wouldn't be with them and that's all you could focus on. An escape. Your wish finally being heard by the gods above. You should be terrified. But you're not.

When you were finally dropped by the creature you couldn't help but be amazed. This was something from that of the books that you read. Apart from the books didn't give it the justice it truly deserves. One building stood in all its beauty. Light colours with flowers that had bloomed adding intricate patterns on the bricks. To its side stood an onyx replica of the first building. Instead of flowers, vines sprouted there. The two buildings joined by a beautiful bridge. This was most definitely a place of beauty but not one without shades of grey. You were dropped into freezing water outside the onyx building. You began to tread water watching as others were dropped in alongside you. They all seemed ecstatic to be here and that sort of eased your mind a little. It can't be bad if they want to be here right?

Dragging yourself from the water you made your way inside, instantly a tall red head with a stunning cane caught your eye. She seems to alluded a certain confidence which indicated she was the person in change of wherever you were. Timidly you approached her and realised you were right. She was most definitely in charge here. A simple bang of her can and everyone scrambled to find a place in front of her. You being the only one who froze in your spot. You listened as she explained the rules of her school. The dean of evil, lady lesso and also the teacher of curses and death traps. This women was clearly very powerful and well respected here. You made sure to make a note of that, don't piss her off. You quickly found your schedule and dorm room before she pulled you aside.

"Reader" her tone demanded your attention. Reader? "Y-yes?" You stuttered trying to keep eye contact so she wouldn't perceive you as rude. "How are you finding this? I do hope you were paying attention to the rules I will not be explaining them again. Comply or don't, that's up to you. But the doom room will always be there" she stated with a mischievous glint in her eyes. The Doom room? That sounded like the exact place you wanted to avoid. You quickly found a way to scuttle off and avoid any more conversations with anyone else.

You were then all shoved in a hall, you noticed the other side was girls in puffy dresses and boys with swords. Immediately you were glad you didn't have to be subjected to that. The dresses were far to revealing for you personally to wear. The gathering was short but direct. And you were starting to learn that the two sides wouldn't get along. One of good and the other evil. But why wasn't there a middle ground? What if you didn't fit into either of those sides? What would happen to you then? It wasn't worth thinking about. You decided then and there you'd keep your head down and make the most of this opportunity you'd been so graciously gifted.

So much change really was taking it's toll on your body. The stress of a arriving at the school, reliving some of the harsher punishments you received when hearing talks of the Doom room and even dealing with the purple and blue bruises that littered your skin. Adjusting was something you were finding rather difficult if your honest. You were doing extremely well with classes, spending hours sat at your desk, eyes scanning every page of every book you could possibly find. After all you knew you were at a disadvantage not being from this world. A reader as they call you. So you made sure to always put your best foot forward. Always fearing the day where you mess up and receive the correction at the hand of the dean.

The only thing you noticed you lacked here was friendship. It dose sadden you to know that but at the same time it's a relief to not have to come up with lies to cover the truth. You didn't have to spend extra energy covering the internal scarring your family left. This was the safer option despite how lonely it was. This is how you found yourself once again in the small library at the top of the Never building. It was late in the evening and you were attempting to get ahead in your curses and death trap course work when exhaustion took over and you drifted into an uneasy slumber.

That was how you were found two hours lady by the dean herself. She had the torture of patrolling tonight. It was a a tedious task but absolutely necessary, after all the last thing Lesso needs is Dovey reprimanding her on the unruly behaviour of her school. So far tonight's patrol had been dull, the Never's all seemingly behaving, until she heard muttering coming from the top library. As far as she knew none of the students were aware of this library, as it wasn't the main more central one, so it was a complete shock to hear any form of noise from here. It was only natural that she would investigate and when she did the sight that greeted her broke her cold darkened heart.

You had hunched over the desk, head resting on the desk and hands gripping at your sides. You were almost clawing at the skin that was now exposed due to your restless slumber. You had tears flowing down your cheeks, dripping onto the pages of the book below your head, soaking the pages ad you cried out. "Please! No! Stop! Ow! What did I do! I wasn't even that bad!" You seemed to be screaming at someone. In your sleep your body seemingly reacting to a threat that was no longer there. Whatever you were seeing had occurred before that much was clear. Only then did Lesso spot the bruising that was on show.

Putting two and two together wasn't hard, your shyness on day one, the self imposed isolation, trying to follow every rule impeccably and even the way you flinched when other Never's described the Doom room events. It all made too much sense now and Lesso was silently kicking herself for not noticing this sooner. She prides herself on her observation skills so this was an unusual. As Lesso planned her approach you cried out once more, a heart shattering whimper of clear pain. It seemed to echo around the library walls bouncing off them and crashing into Lesso. Whoever had hurt you had hurt you impeccably well.

You shot up, chest heaving and choking on your own sobs as you gasped for breath. You attempted to blink away the remainder of the dream that was playing behind your fuzzy eyes. Due to the state of you, you haven't even noticed the extra presence in the room, even if her eyes were observing every little detail. "Little one?" She almost cooed out, the tone being one you'd expect from the dean of good not Lesso. The words seemingly wrapping around you like a blanket, pulling you back to the present. Only then did you catch a glimpse of the older women and your brain threw you into a panic attack. You were so going to be punished for the display of weakness.

Immediately you made your way to the darkest corner of the room and curled into yourself. Lesso watched in shock not understanding the reaction but not wishing to make it any worse for you. Carefully she stalked forwards hands up in a mock surrender before she knelt in front of you. Your eyes were unfocused and your breathing dangerously out of rhythm. You looked like a terrified child. It was truly a heartbreaking sight. "Little one? It's Lesso, you need to breathe. Can you breathe for me?" She hummed were a comforting tone you didn't know she was capable of mustering. You attempted to breathe as she had asked but every gasp of air was burning your lungs. Sobs now wrecking through you at the pain and knowing you were failing a simple task. "Can I touch you y/n?" She whispered not wishing to spook you in which you nodded and allowed her to gather you in her embrace. Immediately she slowed her breathing to a relaxing rhythm impressed with how quickly you tried to copy it. Praise was flowing from the elder women and effectively aiding in calming you down. You weren't registering the pain of the elder women holding you due to the bruising. Only when you were calm enough did you shrink away from her, the pain now radiating through your body.

"Y/n? What is happening little one?" She murmured not really expecting a reply from you but seeming the fear in your eyes she could come to a good conclusion. "What's the bruising from little one?" Her words causing you to visibly stiffen. "My family" you mumbled through your sobs. It hurt to admit this, despite the truth behind the words. These people were blood, all you had ever known, how could they be the issue when they all shared one common theme. Hating you.  Nodding in an understanding Lesso opened her arms in a silent offer for a hug, you took it instantly overwhelmed and exhausted. Lesso held you tightly but being mindful of the bruising "you're safe my darling, they won't hurt you again I'll make sure of it little one." She reassured rocking you ever so slightly watching as you seemed to snuggle more securely into her warmth. Here in the moment you truly resembled that of a small scared child. It was here that you finally drifted off into a restful slumber, lesso allowed you to stay in her embrace until she was sure you were completely out of this world. Then she simply carried you to your dorm and tucked you in. Before leaving she turned your lamp on and left a simple note on your desk. The note read "dearest y/n come and find me in the morning I wish to speak with you about what you've been going through and find a way to support you, just know you're not alone and won't ever be alone again. You are safe here little one. You're safe with me. Lady lesso"

Word count 1899

*Authors note~ This one was a tough one to write I hope I did it some justice I love hearing from you all feel free to request anything:)*

#lady lesso #fanfic #leonora lesso #sfgae #dean of evil #charlize theron #lesso x reader #lady lesso x reader #lady leonora lesso #leonora lesso x reader

[infinite-hearts-333]

Tay Friend head canons and stuff i guess.

The beloved autism is currently mad at me and i am suffering due to stress and low social battery. What do i do to fix this? Feed you lot i guess lol.

Pspspssp @onyxonline I’m back at it again lol

Starting off strong with

Maya :D (now confirmed roommate and best friend heheh) @fishy0bishy

Maya defiantly is gonna be the one that gets the most spontaneous gifts, due to their shared passion for nature, and Tay’s tendencies to hand out any plant matter as humanly possible. She’s also gonna be the one, (along side Andri probably,) to slowly chip through the masking Tay does so that at least in their little group they can be a little bit more wild.

They would have defiantly met in the green house, cause ofc a magic school has one of those duh. Tay goes there when thing’s are a little bit too much cause the greenery reminds them of the bush of home, and well i think we all know why Maya is there lol.

Maya is the BEST. stim toy ever. Period. Tay would spend hours just tracing their finger along Maya’s wood limbs with their finger if they could SSSKSK.

Andri (support and enabler) @north-heats-stronghold

Absolutely calls Tay Dudelet. Like a mix of dude and dudette?? Get it?? (M sorry XD)

Lil silly man makes Tay very giddy and wild. They go crazy. I love the idea that Tay would eat Australian foods and everyone one is like. The fuck. Will force feed Andri fairy bread, and he will enjoy it /jk

Emotionally conscious enough to provide Tay a safe place to go crazy and not having to worried about masking. Which is excellent. Also provides correct complements for things that others simply wont catch, completing tasks they don’t like, doing something with confidence, speaking their opinion in large crowds ect. Very good for them yes yes.

LET THEM TRAIN TOGETHER!!!!! Really wanna make something where Andri get Tay to agree on training together and Tay all confident and chatty as a witch and everyone’s like :00000

My god, if magic does influence them outside of their ‘magic girl form’ and Andri can change his body heat at will Tay is gonna be ALLL over it. Massive heat stealer. Andri will never escape their cold hands XDDD

Drapes all over him. Or leans. They’re not tired! Just listening to you :>

Miguel (comfort- he did not sign up for this XDDD) @novalizinpeace

Was it because he’s (slightly) intimating so he’ll scare off people? Is it because of the big fluffy jumper? Did Tay sense weakness? Who knows, but now Miguel is now stuck with them lol.

Reread up on their bios (again) but honestly, he kinda asked for this position lol. With his powers, he’s literally the ONLY person in the entire school that will have even the slightest clue on how Tay is feeling with masking and repression (yippee!!!) at stages, even they don’t know, so it is excellent to have someone that will understand and not brush them off for being ‘to immature’ or ‘to emotional’. Probably looks like a sad kicked puppy to him HAHA.

They can do parallel play!!! More so when Miguel first gets there with his worries about ‘how good his English is’, cause Tay is fine to just sit and do their own thing, together :> No talking required!

Defiantly would hold onto Miguel’s sleeves if they’re walking together lol.

Miguel is not ready for when someone insults him and Tay goes apeshit on them haha. No one is mean to their friend >:)))

Rosa (bad influence lol) also belongs to Nova :> ^^

Met through Maya, and was utterly terrified of her haha. (Tay’s also bigger than Rosa, which makes it more hysterical.)

Resorted to bringing Rosa different seeds in hopes she wouldn’t bite them. And once they were more use to each other started bringing her native Australian plants, (which are apparently weird as shit to the rest of the world??? Y’all basic).

Rosa probably tolerates them more than other people cause their quiet lol.

Plant scientists! “This is a banksia. When the big fires come, they use the heat to melt the wax around the seed pods and shoot their seeds out once the fire is gone.”

“THEY EXPLODE?”

“… technically?”

#♾ art #my art #oc #smiling critters oc #oura thorn #smiling critters #spellcasters au #Tay Bridgeback #Spellcaster! Oura Thorn #north heat #Sunny yolk #merrit ferret #Lizzy spiral

[sailforvalinor]

So, I am back in the States!! HUZZAH, I am so happy to be home. But now I can talk a little about where I was, I’ve been living in Greece for the past three and a half months—so much happened that I don’t know how exactly to talk about it, so here’s a few of my favorite things:

THE RUINS. OH MY WORD, THE RUINS. I wanted to be an archeologist as a kid and I was living her DREAM. There are kind of just ruins everywhere, I was seeing them all the time, but of all of them I think I’d have to say that my favorite was either the ruins at Delphi or Ancient Corinth. (Y’all, I probably saw Paul’s tent shop.)

The coffee is absolutely fantastic there, you can get a good latte or cappuccino at any restaurant almost guaranteed. They also have amazing chocolate croissants, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat one in the States again. There is also the gift from heaven that is Lemon Coke, it comes in a solid yellow can and you can find it just about everywhere, restaurants stock them along with their regular Coke half the time. It is SO good and I don’t know what I’m going to do without it, and putting lemon in regular Coke is NOT the same.

Among other things, I got to take Greek Mythology, which was by far my favorite class of the semester. (Also, coincidentally, I took my final the same day that Percy Jackson premiered. Weird.) I also took Greek, which I did alright in. One of the most interesting problems I ran into with it was that my pronunciation was far better than my vocabulary, so anytime I’d greet someone in Greek (because I didn’t want to sound like a dumb American), they would usually assume I was fluent and start speaking to me in rapid-fire Greek. And then I’d have to shamefacedly ask if they spoke English 😂

The cats! There is an absolutely ridiculous amount of stray cats in Greece—I’d usually pass no less than three just on my way to the coffee shop. I wasn’t a cat person previously, but this semester might have turned me into one.

I found an absolutely wonderful church, as well as a Bible study with a ton of girls my age, the latter of which was something I was lacking growing up.

In general, I feel like I gained a lot of confidence on this trip, both in a broad sense and spiritually. For our Christmas Eve service today, my dad asked me to talk about a Christmas poem since I’m so passionate about poetry (I got to blab about Gloria in Profundis guys!!!), and it occurred to me afterwards that there was no way I would have been comfortable doing that before I left. There was a lot this trip taught me, but one of the greatest things I think I learned was how to be an independent member of a church without my parents. They’ve always told me that they wanted me to make my faith my own, which of course I’ve always understood, but that’s a little difficult when your dad is the minister. Being halfway across the world really forces you to be independent and weigh your own priorities, and having to make the active choice every morning to get up and take the hour-long trip via often uncomfortable public transport to church, to talk to people and make friends and not be antisocial and hide in a corner, was really good for me. I found myself becoming way more comfortable with both talking openly about my faith (something that used to terrify me) and just talking to people in general.

There was honestly so much on this trip that could have gone wrong, but it didn’t, and I’m so grateful for that. It of course wasn’t all sunshine and roses (the living was, shall we say, challenging), but there were so many moments where I felt God blessing me with something and going “Hey! This is for you! I’m giving this to you on purpose!” and I got so much comfort out of that.

All of that said, I am VERY happy to be home.

#val’s gone globetrotting #an adventure for the books to be sure

[faerunsbest]

I love Rolan for a million reasons( i am drubk thinking of rolan shhh let it happen)

but i love him because he also has a visible character arc you get to watch his character grow.

i know that as a partner he could ONLY expand on that ability to learn and improve at vast and unimaginable speeds. I don't think when you meet him hes a virgin i think he has experience be it very little and surface level.

i imagine by the time you meet him hes just past three, the most important three. that one child like love where you look and adore someone and cannot fathom the feelings you're experiencing and it is absolutely destined to be your very first heartbreak and for him its his fault for being clueless for not knowing what he was feeling until it was too late. The realization probably hit like a ton of bricks

the 2nd time he knew what he felt but had no idea how to navigate that feeling or what to do with those feelings. the first time he was pining and absolutely knew it. when finally he worked up the courage and stunningly they said yes to him!

and he stumbles through trying to learn how to care for them and when finally he does he realizes he forgot that he deserved care too. It isn't fair he gave them so much and suddenly hes left watched that partner be toted off by someone with more confidence and self assurance.

and by the god the third time around he was so SURE he was so sure he had it down- he must by now. he know how to proclaim his feelings, he knew how to make his partner know he wanted them. he knew how stand his ground and speak his mind- that he deserved care too.

problem as he lay in bed with them, they disagreed. he had miscalculated and given up a huge part of himself he could never get back. and now then, everything was wrong and he had no time to cope. no time to heal his siblings needed his mug confidence- they needed more than anything for him to light the path to safety. so he did, he gave his heart entirely to the people who loved him with their whole heart and isn't fair.

it isn't fair that some lunatic came marching down a dirt path caked in blood bile and mud and just looked at him. they looked at him with sad pitying eyes if they knew something he didn't. as if his weak arms could carry any burden. HOW DARE THEY! But lia smiled with tears in her eyes and the way cal sighed heavy with relief.

And this blasted lunatic with with such wild eyes and an unreadable heart left again, they where seen in the grove at a passing glance like a whisper- something you weren't sure anyone said. maybe you imagine it.

but you post certainly didn't imagine a terrified little girl crying and sobbing against her parents about a stranger that saved them. You didn't imagine the massive clouds of destruction over the camp so many miles away. you did not imagine them coming back and looking at you with pride.

and horribly you heart fluttered.

stop that.

again at some ridiculous part they stood nearby watching you kindly, hiding a limp. clouding injuries no one needed to see. but you knew something was amiss, and they smiled just for you. they clapped and cheered just for you.

and HORRIBLY your heart skipped a beat, the feeling making a tightness in your chest that you knew. and it isn't fair.

it isn't fair that you're bawling at goddamn bar trying to drown yourself away and they appear out of nowhere with those pitying eyes on you. they reach out and you cant help the spines on your tongue the hateful way you lash out when they SWEAR they'll save the others. They bring cal and lia home to you, blood dribbles out from under their armor and you- FOOL THAT YOU ARE! you believe them.

they disappear up the stair and world takes another turn for the worse and some how it is pulled backward. you look over your should and you see it- that moment that should have been their last/ someone strikes out at your refuges icon- its beacon and this bastard lunatic steps in the way, hands empty and arms stretched out. they pull Isobel behind them- their body only a shield.

how unbelievable this is the moment you know its too late. the thought of that blade striking them down leaves your body cold and numb and no one listens when you scream out.

But it isn't the end.

that precious lunatic bellows and roars and it rattles deep in your ribs.

They turn the blade, they turn the tide.

and you know horribly its too late.

its not fair, how could you possibly fall in love with this person who only ever gave you such pitying eyes.

You stand there at the bar watching them bleeding and pulling up Isobel, you watch them take hold of her soft round face and make sure shes safe. something inside burns and you look around. like a fool you're just sitting trying to drown your guilt when its possible! its entirely possible to do the impossible.

the feeling wears on your skin and your bones and the dark seeps into your pores and you're left with your knees in the mud feeling your eyes begin to sting. then all of a sudden a wave of warmth washes over you and its blinding.

there they are again.

in bleak endless night there they are light sun eclipsing the moon. it isn't fair the way you feel yourself light up at the sight of them it isn't fair how hope and relief flood you as they take hold of your arm and pull you up.

Those behind them smiling brightly, they look tired but assured, confident in the company they keep.

and it isn't fair.

but how glorious when you look from a polling stupor at the bar and see them. Cal and Lia slightly worse for wear but alive! Gloriously alive and all you can do is scold them! scold them for leaving you. You couldn't possibly admit to the terror that near overwhelmed you as the night overtake the day as the dark has overwhelmed this land.

by the time you find the words they are staring upward, watching the sunrise in once eternal night. There is a furious silver angel cutting the dark and leading that lunatics way...

and like a stark raving mad lunatic you feel yourself be overwhelmed with gratitude and hope. Like some psychopath you dare to stand up tall as you can and just fucking march.

unknowingly into the mouth of madness and once again when you are lost and alone and bogged down in the dark this fucking psycho appears again in the door.

They are happy and cheerful and at the mere sight of you that smile falls, but.. not in the way it seems.

a hand cradles your face while a delicate voice asks who. who did this to you, there is an outraced laced sweetly beneath and you can feel it. You try to turn away but.. the question is there.

naught but to do but answer honestly.

something you had never seen on them in all this is that quiet subtle rage. muted and quieted for release at a later time. more stunning when return again to the titans tower to rip him from it's throne.

You cannot declare your love... but you can and you do.

and as you announce your willingness to be exactly where they need you.. you see it. A deep exhaustion down in their bones and you want to scream.

you can do nothing right.

you can do nothing.

#bg3 #tav #romance #baldurs gate 3 #oc #rolan #sketch #art #artbyale #writing #ram #rambles #love #rolan in love #tiefling #i am very drunk #be kind #shhh #perspective

[maybeimamuppet]

I LOST THE ASK IM SORRY ANON BUT HERE

REGINA

favorite thing about them

heheeeeeehoooo i’m a lesbian but honestly she has so much like depth to her in a way that’s not immediately obvious and it’s really interesting as a writer getting to explore that beyond canon

least favorite thing about them

i don’t like that i relate to her!!!! i don’t like the idea of being mean and she is and i’m entirely convinced she and i have the same personality disorder and i am terrified that i’m like her. some people have said it and i just hate that it might be true

but like as a character in and of herself it’s how she uses people for her own gain. that’s not cool boo

favorite line

“boo, you whore” from the movie

“that’s what i keep trying to explain to the president on twitter but he blocked me” from the show

i can’t remember enough of what she says in the new movie rn but i’ll find smth later i’m sure lol

brOTP

damian. she and damian both love taylor swift and they listen to every song together and fangirl together and also damian gets her into musicals. regina likes the dark gritty ones with good music like les mis and little shop and damian likes the classics (obvs)

OTP

post redemption arc i ship her with like every woman in this. like any combo of gretchen and karen, i’m an absolute SUCKER for cadina (like i’m literally on my knees begging for cadina fic prompts please), rejanis is. it has potential not my fav but i do partake from time to time.

but like aaron would just turn out bad nobody really likes shane or kevin and damian. is gay. so none of the men lol

nOTP

this woman is GAY so again any of the guys lol. also if it’s done wrong rejanis can be real icky and i don’t like that

random headcanon

she can juggle. cady is the only one who knows and regina will absolutely kill her if she lets it slip

unpopular opinion

she is a victim who made the wrong choices and not the monster a lot of people make her out to be. she is not the villain of the story she is the villain of her own life by fault of her own mind which is the fault of her upbringing and she is making the only choices she knows how which just so happen to hurt a lot of people. she absolutely can be redeemed and she deserves it. which is why the bus doesn’t just straight up kill her.

song i associate with them

i think i said this for janis but monster from frozen has very much internal regina vibes to me that she like is terrified of letting anyone else see. also i know it’s about something VERY DIFFERENT but all grown up from bare seems like it would really speak to her. and also just all of renee’s songs bc duh

favorite picture of them

it’s a gif and this is how i lost the post last time but uh

like. holy shit.

DAMIAN

favorite thing about them

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again but that boy drinks his loving janis sarkisian juice every morning as part of a balanced breakfast. he knows they’re each others person and i think he navigates their admittedly strange relationship really well. 

and also i love that this ~17 year old fat openly gay kid has SO MUCH confidence in himself. could he be overcompensating and actually have a lot internally that he doesn’t like about himself? yes absolutely . but the way he chooses to handle himself with such grace and confidence as he navigates such a complex web of social issues is really admirable to me and i don’t think he gets enough credit :))

least favorite thing about them

some of the stereotypes aren’t like super cool but like they had to come from somewhere so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

favorite line

damian is what got me into this show tbh i have so many

but i thiiiiiink it’s gotta be either “and they are more addictive than opioids and girl scout thin mints combined” (also hot take but i’ve been a girl scout for 18 years and thin mints SUCK)

OR

“did she just leave while i was actively caring about her? no. / she’s leaving! just like my DAD.”

honestly just like all of stop all of cautionary tale just him i love him yes

brOTP

besides the obvious answer of janis again i would say regina. but also he and gretchen get coffee at least once a week and bond over dances and choreography and whatnot and he and karen are joined at the hip whenever they’re together and you cannot tell me otherwise. and cady is basically his little sister

OTP

THEATRE BOY FROM THE NEW MOVIE OMGGGGG but also like. i don’t really know lol

i usually write him as being with aaron but that’s bc when i was writing like three months in i asked and all my (four) readers at the time said they wanted damiaaron it was not my first pick. but it has grown on me a lot and i think they’re super cute together

nOTP

i am terrified of the amount of romantic fic out there for him and janis?? like y’all ran face first into the point and hit ur heads so hard u still couldn’t see it huh

random headcanon

he kicked janis’ front teeth out in tap class when they were five and janis still has a small scar on her lip

unpopular opinion

i know i write about it a lot and stuff but making him trans feels really reductive of his personality sometimes. we need more trans rep obviously and i love people being able to take characters like him and feel seen but i question it with him in particular a lot. similar vibes to people who make matilda trans i just dk. lots of complicated feelings about it

also that he is the best goddamn character in the whole thing

song i associate with them

uhhhhhh for whatever reason 9 to 5 by dolly parton?? and jolene are the first two to pop into my head lol idk why

oh and also better work bitch by britney spears (i think??)

favorite picture of them

#thank you anon i’m sorryyyy!! #i’ve been here for nearly three years and still can’t figure out how to remove gifs from posts lol #entropy with ezzy #mean girls #damian hubbard #regina george #caps tw #swear tw #cw food mention #ezzy gets an ask

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

DID I JUST CRIED A LITTLE AFTER I FINISHED THE NEWEST CHAPTER? YES MA'AM I SURE FUCKING DID. 

RHAENAR AND AELYS ARE HERE 🎉🤧

I literally feel like I'm going to burst out of my skin out of excitement because what a ride this instalment has been! And for it to (almost) culminate in this amazingly written chapter... I can't, I just CAN'T.  

I wasn't expecting it to be from Daemon's POV though it was great to read this experience in particular being delivered in his perception. 

Him being so afraid of what could go wrong but not even allowing himself to think about it. Him feeling uncomfortable and useless at the fact that he's not able to help her through the pain.

Him just seeing the absolute carnage that is bringing a child to the world and being a bit repulsed/weirded out by it (and sort of fascinated I guess). Just. ✨A-MA-ZING✨

Oh! and the absolute hate and rage that flew through Daemon every time Gerardys insisted to just cut her open! Like that bitch wasn't even hoping for the chance that things could turn around. It remind me so much of doctors that just want to be over with the whole thing like, "Hey I got an appointment to play polo later so let's just butcher the lady and be done with it" ugh. *rolls her eyes at men in obstetrics*

ALSO All of that support and praise! 

“Yes, you can,” he asserts, firm, forehead pressing to yours. He cups your jaw with his hands, tugging your line of sight up, waiting for you to meet his eyes. “You’re nearly there, my girl,” he tells you, and your molten stare shifts from fearful mistrust to reluctant resolve, bolstered by his encouragement. “You can do this.”

UGH MY HEART

OH AND THIS PART?

You smile, and it is like staring into the face of the Mother herself. If there was anyone, anything, who might persuade him that such a being existed, it is you, here and now. 

My man right there having a religious experience in the middle of his daughter's birth. 

AND THIS, THIS IS WHERE I LOST IT.

“Perzys iksā.” You are fire. Daemon can see his reflection in your lilac eyes, ardent, fanatical. “Jaqiarzir iksā.” You are glory.  

LOVED IT SO MUCH. THAT MADE ME CRYY

Rhaenar and Aelys, firstborn heirs of Daemon of House Targaryen.  

“Rhaenar and Aelys.” He tries out their names himself, speaking them into existence, carving them into the pages of history as the Rogue Prince’s greatest of triumphs.

Fuck yes, all hail the new babes of House Targaryen. (Also let me just point out how obsessed I am with the boy's name. Rhaenar, Rhaenar, RHAENAR. Freaking beautiful.)

I immensely respect and appreciate the amount of research you put into this chapter, Em. The dedication and devotion you put into this story it's remarkable. I've seen it very few times in my years reading fan fiction and I looove and admire you for it. 

-V

Sorry in advance if that was unreadable, I'm beyond invested in this story and I just got a bit carried away with my ranting. I need to go outside and touch some grass for real. lol

Hey, V! How are you? I'm so glad you enjoyed the latest chapter!

I've got to admit, this fic was originally only going to be like 5 chapters and NONE of the plot stuff was really gonna happen. Then it spiralled and I had the Rhaenyra fight idea, and THEN I was like "ew, Daemon's being gross and soft, I need violence to wash the yucky taste of domesticity from my mouth", lol. Thus, the assassination thing (and the moon tea thing was something I was on the fence about but decided might as well go full-tilt, haha). This chapter has been stressing me out for MONTHS - I've been terrified to actually go through with the 'big birth' scene, and I'm so glad it's finally done and dusted!

I always knew going in that it'd be from Daemon's POV, seeing how I've never personally experienced giving birth and didn't feel super confident attempting to express how it feels to do so. But from the outside? Well, after seeing some scarring childbirth videos, I felt like I could at least try to capture some of the panic/ powerlessness a guy who craves control like Daemon does might feel in that situation. I'm so glad that carried through in the writing! Not gonna lie, some of it was my own feelings after traumatizing myself, lol.

Gerardys is a damn moron, BUT he's a guy who's been taught a very specific set of beliefs through his training at the Citadel, and when faced with it he defaults to those teachings. I don't hate the guy, but this was definitely a growth moment for him when Ūlla shows him that the Citadel is wrong. Unlike the doo-doo-head that is Mellos, I like to think that he's willing to shake up his view of what is 'the right thing' for the sake of those he cares for.

I'm so happy you like Rhaenar! I've had it picked out since this story first STARTED! I always knew their first boy would be Rhaenar Targaryen (pronounced 'RHIE-nar'). For the girl, I toyed between 'Aelys' ('AY-liss') and 'Valaena', but ultimately decided on the first as I feel it meshes better with Rhaenar. Valaena will be making a return later on, though! I've got a list, hehe. We'll get through it all eventually.

Thank you so, so much for your wonderful words of praise. I'm really happy to have you on this journey with me, and it's so nice to know the research is paying off, haha! Here's to a continuation of this gross nerd-verse!

#fanfiction comments

[ladyelainehilfur]

Kim but black??? 😭 don't tell me we're going the show route of copying and pasting character models and slightly changing the color palette. not with that $100M budget !

the (real) Kim! and the other boys! ngl, not loving what they did with Max's hair. I'm not gonna complain too much about their outfits being exactly the same as the show just because I understand creating a whole new toy line with different looks specifically from the movie would be a hassle and ZAG probably wanna keep all their Miraculous IP under the same production umbrella.

but I still wish marinette and adrien got new fits smh

WOOO MY GIRLIES! Sabrina's glowup omg!! And Chloe looks amazing!

uh oh, I can sense my lowkey crush on Kim finally coming to find me T_T

I'd already seen this but WHOA DIRECT REFERENCE TO THE ORIGINAL CGI ANIMATION FOR LADYBUG!!!!

that's so fricking cool 😭 that version of ladybug/marinette will always have a special place in my heart so I'm very happy they took inspiration from it. Not only this reference but the movie's transformation sequence is pretty similar to the original CGI transformation too^^

Shout to OG CGI Marinette for having the prettiest transformation sequence ever.

but the movie's transformation sequence is really good too! love the watery/gliterry effect.

girl why are you in the roof

LMAO my heart thumped so bad seeing them practice together at that park, just like AlyaNino did when they were super heroes THEY'RE SO CUTE OML

damn, I haven't seen clouds this well-animated since Stormy Weather. Stormy Weather is in my top 3 episodes ever just for the animation and VFX alone 😖 this bodes SO well for the movie

...I am constantly on a pendulum that swings between loving movie Adrien's design and absolutely despising it. This cute style with the chubby cheeks works so well for Marinette, but Adrien is not reaping the same benefits. Idk, something about his face when it stays still for too long is very unappealing. I much prefer it when it's exaggeratedly animated.

Also why isn't his suit shiny anymore :((( it's on the guardians watching if they think his cosplaying as a leather touting cat boy is too sensual or something smh ruining it for the rest of us

and here it is, reminder number one this will probably be a cliche kids movie 😭 man I really don't like this overused style of humor. Also, it gives me mad BBC Merlin Lady of the Lake vibes iykyk

whoops, forgot Gabe was in this movie. hhh whatever, the transformation looks much more violent for him and that's how it should be.

yeah, I want more of THIS. he's so so very cute. he's baby and he actually looks 12-13 like the show is begging us to believe he is instead of 15-16.

really enjoying seeing Ladybug's progression from being clumsy to gaining more of her trademark confidence. but I'm glad we can see that flying around Paris on a yoyo would be terrifying 😭

#that gif took forever to make what the frick #every now and then I'm forced to relearn how to properly create gifs #that trailer was 2 minutes and it took me almost two hours to make this post #🤡 #anyway really excited! #I made my ladybug jacket ages ago when the movie was supposed to come out in april #probably gonna go see it at night so I can avoid all the kids 💀 #and hopefully see other adult/teen fans #miraculous movie #it's not called awakening anymore huh #I wonder why #*looks away* #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #chat noir #ladybug

[starredforlife]

Jeez, do really so many people say they find you intimidating? Granted, I don't know you irl, and even here through Tumblr I'm just one person who follows you and that's it, but still, to me you always seemed nice? Enthusiastic. Goofy, even. I like your style, it IS masc and #cool, but like... I don't feel like that makes you intimidating. "Nomás sos canchera", to put it in Argentine terms.

Btw I'm just sending this due to your tags on that poll 'cause Ik you have mentioned that before andbI felt like the outsider who doesn't find you mean and intimidating, don't pay that much attention to me 😅

Idk it’s like conversations I’ve had with a couple people recently and it absolutely isn’t all based on appearance BUT that’s part of it that’s been told to me. Not suggested but cited. So!!

However I would say it’s more personality. Ofc on here I’m more fun n goofy bc it’s Star’s Mind Palace. I repost pictures and draw werewolf art and I’m vain and silly in the tags. It’s relatively earnest. When I meet people I’m not like, guarded in a mean dog way, but I put up a front. Most of how I talk comes out as a mask of metered and Sharp jackassery, with a confusing blend of genuine interest in people. I’ll talk to you like I need you to prove yourself to me. But also I want to make sure you feel included. This, I’m learning, terrifies people. Mostly I learned this when I was young bc I had to prove my intelligence constantly, so I emulated that intense scrutiny in conversation, I think, and I work in a v male dominated industry that absolutely hates the gentle approach to conversation (for the record, I do not hate it and respect it immensely. It’s also just not how I naturally work unless I’m in a more vulnerable setting).

It can be summed up by the fact that I shake girl’s hands when I meet them in gay bars. Apparently. That is not. The expected thing to do.

Idk I had a whole paragraph after this but it disappeared. I was saying smthn abt how I was. Working on it. Essentially. I Don’t Care how people perceive me bc I trust my perception first. I’ve always designated it as the other person’s problem if they dislike me. I’m learning how people perceive you matters for specific things. Especially friendships. This is very hard for me to grapple with bc I don’t like when others tell me what to do or how to be, At All.

It’s all in moderation ykwim. I’m not going to give up my confidence or my standards but I will work on trying to not make people feel like they’re cornered into a social pass or fail exam when they first meet me. I am intense and I can’t stand bullshit and sometimes I’m genuinely belittling or judgmental if I’ve decided I don’t like you off the bat (if you have failed the Vic Standards, which are always under deconstruction) and the latter is, in some parts, fun if the other person is a proven asshole. But it’s not really healthy. And I can’t start conversations with earnest intentions that way. So I have to grow. I have to let it matter a little bit.

Sorry, you got like. A Vic psychology breakdown. I’m also intimidating bc I’m great at lying, I speak very professionally, and I respect myself enough to make others feel like they have to do the same. I’m not scared easily and I like making arrogant men feel one step behind me. I maxed out on whatever deck makes you both charismatic and completely unapproachable. You’ll probably never meet me irl but I do think it’s v interesting how im perceived on here and so I appreciate the insight and the question!!

#star’s asks #uhhhh yeah I am not who I am on here irl and people who know me from irl can probably attest #I’m not vastly different. despite this wall of text response I am friendly and sometimes funny and often wholly genuine #it just so happens that I’m also Like This. #I’m just sharp around the edges. I think that’s it. #o thank u for the compliment also!!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

What age is it considered "normal" to start feeling romantic and sexual attraction? I've been pretty confident in being aroace, but I can't shake the "oh, in a year or two you'll start feeling it too" thoughts, and they make me really uncomfortable. I feel really comfy and safe in my labels and the thought that I'm just not old enough to experience the attraction yet is honestly terrifying. I don't want to feel like I'm lying to myself and the people around me, but at the same time I absolutely do NOT want any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with anyone. (Not sure if AGAB and that stuff matters in this context but if it does I'm AFAB).

Also can people stop making me doubt myself (not directed at anybody who'll see this)? I came out to my mom and even though she was really supportive, she had to give the little speech about how you don't have to have it figured out, ever really, and that it'd still be totally okay if I come back in the future and discover I like boys, or girls, or whoever. Which is great, but I already knew that and I had taken like at least a week preparing and had spent the last hour steeling my nerves, I had my closest friend and the only one who knew I was doing this at the time on speed dial in case I panicked and couldn't do it, and I did not need to hear it's okay for me to be wrong. Or not wrong, I guess, but for that to change. I was really not mentally prepared to be reassured about THAT particular issue and it brings back the thoughts I mentioned in the last paragraph.

Anyone else have one of their worst fears being discovering that they're allo? Not that there's anything wrong with being allo, but I feel like so much of who I am is heavily influenced by my aroace-ness and if that's gone I'd feel lost and like I've completely lied about who I am.

That was late night rants with Raven, it's almost midnight though for me so I am going to go get some sleep. Thanks for listening!

So people vary a lot on when they first experience attraction. I think I read once that on average people start experience sexual attraction around their early teens/late preteens, but some people start experiencing it younger than that, and others don't experience it for the first time until they're older, sometimes as late as their early 20's. (the article didn't mention romantic attraction, but it can also start both very early or very late.)

The thing about it though is that there is no age where it's impossible for your orientation to change, and this is why I think it's really important to trust how you feel now. And trust that if your orientation/identity does ever change, you can cross that bridge when you get to it.

I think that anxiety of suddenly being allo is something a lot of ace and aro people deal with. But if someone has a real fear of losing the ace and aro labels then that's often a sign that those labels are currently the right one. If it does ever happen where it is right for someone to move on from ace/aro labels, it's actually usually a positive experience. So basically it feels wrong, because for you it is wrong.

The older you get, the less likely that also starts to become. It's never impossible but it is rarer to change orientations into adulthood.

It is a big problem that young people often aren't taken as seriously with their labels or told they'll change their minds. If it helps though, Anon, I know a lot of ace/aro people who started IDing that way as teens and even pre-teens and still use those labels now well into adulthood. Sometimes people do legitimately just know. So try and keep that in mind when people are being sceptical or telling you'll change your mind. That's just simply not always the case.

All the best, Anon! Take care.

[atherix]

Alright listen i wanna scream about the last three chapters but i do not have the brain for fully fledged thoughts so this is what you're getting.

I am FASCINATED by this creation myth for the fae, btw. If I had more brain i feel like i could probably pull on things i know or have read but as of righgt now just know i reall love it and eventually i will be returning to it because I have some Thoughts I cant get out of my brain.

Also. I am once again projecting onto Scar as someone who Has Been deathly ill a few times in my life. Genuinely there are periods of terrifying lucidity and long stretches of basically unconsciousness for me too so its like. I am. Looking.

Oh my god and then Mumbo and Cub. PRESIDENTIAL ALERT: THE GIRLS ARE FIIIIGHTIIIIIIIIIING. but also genuinely I think whether it stays Mumscarian or goes Mumscarvexian Cub's relationship to the trio is SO interesting. How he does to some extent know Scar but he knows a younger Scar who was less sure of himself. How Mumbo DOES know Scar but he only really knows the older and more confident Scar. God. they. MMMMMMMM. And the fact that Mumbo and Cub are like, two sides of the same coin here - Shadow magic of two different kinds. So so so close with Scar. God. AUGH.

F U C K AO3 WENT DOWN UHHHH But Also. The fact that there is definitely Something in there and I don't mean the Skeleton Archer while they are GOING AFTER HUNTERS. MUMBO! CUB!!! WAAAAAAAH

And then the NEXT chapter where Grian's fucking dumbass takes Scar's magic and is like 'SCAR AND MUMBO CAN NEVER KNOW *kills the lawn and a tree*" liike okay bird brain. GOD!!!! ALSO THAT SCENE WAS SO INTENSE I AM!!! AHHHHHHHHH GOD GRIAN YOU!!! DUMABASS I AM RATTLING YOU!!! AND SCAR AND MUMBO ARE GOING TO RATTLE YOU AS THEY FUCKING SHOULD!!!!

And then more of the Fae story I am!!!! WELL I WOULD BE LOOKING AT IT IF AO3 WASNT DOWN BUT!!! STARING!!!!

LMAO a lot has happened and I did not give anyone time to process <3

LOOK. I AM SO. I fucking love myths and legends and I've been sitting on this for MONTHS, trying to figure out the best way to piece it together to maximize Creation Story vibes, and I am loving how it's coming together <3 I love the Fae story I have created, it is near and dear to me. Also leave it to me to create a "monarchy with absolute power" but said monarchy has absolutely the most brutal burden and responsibility to carry <3 May slightly be influenced by Cost of the Crown. "Though I am the head of state, in truth I am the least." THIS LINE LIVES IN MY HEAD RENT FREE so it may or may not have influenced how the Fae royals (and Elves in general) carry a burden and obligation <3 BUT YEAH THE FAE STORY. I am absolutely in love with it I'm hjgjkhfkfd <3

jkfgdjk Ihope I'm presenting that well enough, I know it's not 1:1 with real life (because it's a fantasy illness that depends on magic production + how much magic is in your system so it's more cyclical than real life) but just the idea of being aware that you're slipping away (and knowing very well that you might never wake up again) just scares me and makes me feel absolutely helpless, so I hope I'm conveying that well enough </3

THEY'RE FIGHTIIIING. Regardless of what happens yes I think Cub is an interesting addition to the Coven group 👀 YEAH That is exactly what I wanted to highlight here- Cub used to know EVERYTHING about Scar, but that was a completely different time and a completely different Scar. And Mumbo knows Scar NOW, knows him in the way Cub doesn't anymore, and just hhhjjgf. PARALLELS BABEYYY you know me, I love me some parallels <3

AO3 SABOTAGED YOUR ESSAY HJJSKJFSK </3 IT'S OKAY THO WE SURVIVED!!! Hahaha oh yes <3 The sad thing is Mumbo KNOWS there's something else... but he's so focused on Scar that he just dismisses it.... oh Mumbo.... and Cub doesn't really know any better, this is his first time spending any extended time out here </3

HAHAHA YEAHHHH Like I said to Void, why take "Deus Ex Machina" when I can use "Fuck Around and Find Out" and have Grian being stubborn and overconfident and fucking suffer for it <3 GOD GRIAN IS GONNA GET SO RATTLED. I wonder how he's gonna try and hide the damage to the lawn :)

I LOVE THE FAE STORY. Also the fact that Scar is sharing this story in his moments of lucidity.... <3 And trying to keep going even while his focus and his mind are slipping I AM SO JKFSKLFS-

#ask #Midnight Series #ONCE AGAIN I AM SAYING I LOVE THE FAE STORY #I am literally trying to make it as 'creation myth/story' vibe as possible #like I am trying to be ON THE NOSE with that LMAO-

[waheelawhisperer]

I was gonna try to clear out a few asks today and maybe respond to some reblogs, but then I saw this post on my dash and started getting emotional because it really helped put something I've been thinking about for a while into words, even though I am neither this post's subject nor its target audience, so instead I decided to just shitpost a bit and then get my feelings out. I didn't feel comfortable reblogging the post even though I think a good bit of it is also applicable to me because I didn't want to turn this into an example of a straight white man making everything about him somehow and taking focus away from marginalized groups, but I did want to express my thoughts and feelings because they exist and matter to me.

I'm a bit less put together than I usually am when I post, so forgive me if I start to ramble or use terminology incorrectly or misinterpret aspects of LGBTQ or BDSM culture.

Ironically, despite my most recent Arknights shitpost, I'm... actually absolutely freaking terrified to express any serious desire to be sexually dominant - and I do have those desires (don't get me wrong, a strong, confident woman taking control is really hot, all you have to do is read my various shitposts to know I'm happy to sub, but the fact that I even feel like I have to qualify my desire to be dominant with "I also enjoy subbing" is the perfect illustration of my point). Men being submissive is treated as funny, like the setup to a joke about subverting typical sexual/gender roles. Men being dominant, despite what tumblr "punish me, daddy" thirstposting may lead you to believe, is often treated as threatening. Predatory.

This is especially true in the case of men who are attracted to women, at least from what I've seen. I'm very scared to approach women I'm interested in, because women in turn are scared of strange men. It's a justifiable attitude. There are more than enough shitty men out there that it makes sense for women to adopt that coldness, that wariness, as a defense mechanism. Given how much of the tumblr userbase, especially the userbase that participates in the same fandoms I do and thus might realistically be considered my audience, is female, I imagine that many of the people reading this post have had negative interactions with men who don't respect their boundaries or even treat them as human beings, and I am by no means trying to downplay that very real and reasonable fear. I'm just trying to explain how these circumstances and attitudes have shaped my own interactions with women.

The result of this need to watch out for danger is that unless you are a stunningly attractive man, women are on guard when they talk to you. I'm not a stunningly attractive man. Oh, I'm decent-looking, don't get me wrong (admittedly, my status as a proud short king is apparently a dealbreaker for many women, but there's not much I can do about that) - I'm in good shape, I bathe regularly and take adequate care of my skin and hair/facial hair, I wear clothes that fit me and aren't horribly unfashionable, I've been told I have pretty eyes and a nice voice, etc. - but I'm not the kind of heartthrob that can walk into a room and command the attention of every woman in it. I'm not a complete mess socially, but I'm not overly charismatic either, and I'm shy and awkward around people I don't know. As a result, when I approach a woman, she ain't thinking "wow, he's talking to me <3", she's thinking "who's this freaking weirdo, I hope he goes away before I have to pepper spray him".

Because of all this, I try to be nonthreatening. I try to be harmless, and that means repressing anything that might frighten the people around me, whether that be anger, personal conviction, or the desire to (consensually) pin a girl down and rail her. I'm terrified of scaring away potential partners just by having normal human desires and emotions, and it takes a mental toll.

I grew up (and still live) in Texas, which is not exactly a wellspring of progressive attitudes towards anything, much less women and relationships and sex and sexuality. I've been taught since I was very young that men, like me, should protect and alternately defer to or "care for" women (in a very patronizing and controlling sense), and in return, our reward was sex. While my immediate family was never this backwards, I can't say the same about the world around me at large, and the media I consumed (and still consume, because we've made progress but by no means conquered the issue) absolutely bombarded me with the idea that sex was not a thing women enjoyed. Sex was an activity they engaged in reluctantly, if at all, something they gave to men in exchange for whatever nebulously-defined benefits those men brought to the table, which were usually few, enumerated in derisive fashion, and far outweighed by the inherent flaws men possess for the crime of existing. I was taught that sex was a thing men enjoyed and women endured. I was taught that sex was transactional at best, a thing to be earned for good behavior because a woman would never want it for its own sake outside of procreation, and outright undesirable for half the participants at worst, forced upon women by brutish, animalistic men who could never be anything better than lust-ridden beasts.

This is without even mentioning the incredibly heavy, pervasive cultural influence of Christianity in America, and Texas in particular. I'm sure we're all well aware of how Christianity treats sex and sexuality and sexual expression, so I'm not going to go too deep into that, but rest assured the framing of sexual desire as inherently evil and sinful did plenty of damage to my psyche.

No matter how much I know that those views aren't true, that they're doing everyone a disservice, no matter how hard I fight against attitudes that have been ingrained in me since before I even knew what sex was by every bit of stupid bullshit "I hate my spouse" boomer humor I've ever encountered, they still impact my own ability to express my own wants and needs. They still make me feel like I am wrong or bad or evil for wanting to have sex with women, and especially for wanting to be an active participant or engage in sex acts where the focus is my pleasure, like having a girl go down on me.

I think that's one of the reasons I find pleasure in submission: if I'm not the one in control, I can't hurt anyone. I can't be a threat. I can't force anyone to do anything if I'm the one taking orders. If my partner is in control, if she's the one calling the shots in the bedroom, then I'm as sure as I can be that she actually wants to be here, that this isn't just a chore she wants to get over with as quickly as possible to keep me satisfied so she can go do something that actually matters to her.

There are a lot of men like me. I know a lot of them personally. While I hesitate to call myself a good person, I can say with confidence that I would never willingly hurt my partner, that I would never knowingly force her into something she didn't want to do or violate her boundaries, and there are plenty of good, considerate men who would be horrified at the thought of doing something to a girl that that girl didn't want. So we live with the fear that we're monsters, that we're rapists waiting to happen, that even showing interest in a woman means we're unsafe and have done something wrong. We end up starved of physical and emotional intimacy, and it's a very sad and lonely experience.

I think I saw a post a while back, probably before I even started this blog, about a trans man talking about how very different socialization and social intimacy was as a man, and that post also did a great job of putting how I felt into words, but I can't find it right now. Regardless, it made the point that we're lonely. Isolated. We're not encouraged to be vulnerable. Writing this post has been very difficult for me because I was taught to never show weakness, that vulnerability made me a target, made me less, rather than a person in need of and deserving of support. We're not encouraged to develop emotional intimacy with other men outside of very specific situations (competition against opposing forces). Women look at us as threats (because to do otherwise without very good reason to trust runs the risk of actively putting them in danger). We are... so very alone.

[tinycurlyfry]

Okay I think I’ll just compile my episode reactions together in one post. I don’t wanna fill my blog with numerous posts where I’m just liveblogging but also I can’t keep my mouth shut while watching these episodes apparently jgklsfg

Rambling stream of consciousness and reactions under the cut

Episode 987: 

...Kinemon why are we changing the plan? Why are you changing Law’s plan? I do understand why if it’s because he’s worried for Momo, but also it’s making me worried because they just showed people criticizing Kinemon’s lack of abilities in making good plans so I’m worried about him deciding to split up his forces.....

Sanji you’re on main. I’ll give your character more attention again when you’ve pulled yourself together. I’m glad there were no women for you in the pleasure hall. Remain bitchless.

Eustass Kid and Killer have me sobbing. I’m a puddle. I adore these two’s relationship. I adore Killer being stunned by how much love and support he’s being shown by his captain and the crew after feeling like he’s been ruined by Orochi. How Kid knows how much this is affecting Killer regardless of how quiet Killer is about the whole thing, and how willing Kid is to murder anyone who even so much as laughs at Killer.

Episode 988: 

Luffy angrily (who has, himself, also shattered the plan into a million pieces) : “GIZAO, STICK TO THE PLAN!” Kid: “Shove it up your ass!”

Okay I had to pause I was laughing so hard gjskflg I love them both so much. Also Luffy I’m actually gonna side with Kid on this one. You and Zoro got a pass on causing a scene because those assholes are intentionally wasting red bean soup while a little girl has to live her life starving and drinking polluted water to the point where eating a bowl of soup had sent her into tears. Kid absolutely gets a pass on tearing apart those who laugh at Killer.

Zoro: “It must be tough, having a captain so quick with his fists.” Killer: “No, it’s not. Kid is great.”

I’M GONNA SOB. STOP. I’M ALREADY DOWN ON THE GROUND. KILLER.

ZORO RESPONDING “Well, my situation’s not so different from yours.”

gay. gay. homosexuals. gay. God the first mates are so down bad for their captains. I love this exchange between them.

MARCO!!!!!!!!!! MARCO IS HERE!!! HELLO DEAR! ;;;v;;;;; I’m so glad he decided to come and help the Straw Hats and the Kozuki clan~ I just really really hope Whitebeard’s home does remain safe while he’s away. I was not going to fault him for wanting to be the guardian of Whitebeard’s last treasure. AND IZOU IS HERE!!! OH I’M GLADDDDD! My god he deserves to reunite with his sister after being being away from each other for over 20 years.

Momo. oh my poor boy. Baby hang in there. I hold this boy gently. He’s been through so much ;;;; Isn’t he like. 8 years old!? Yeah he’s 8 years old. My god. 

POLAR TANG!!!! HELLO MY HEART PIRATES! Look at them go~ Love Law’s complete faith in them. And how they’re also confident they can pull off maneuvering the Polar Tang in the dangerous currents. He is their anchor. 

Annnnnd, we’re back with Luffy and Zoro gjskjfg. Bless. “A dead end. You lost your way, didn’t you, Zoro?” GJSKFG I love his teasing Zoro but also... Luffy you’re standing right next to him. You’re as lost as he is. “No, We’ll just cut our path through.” “Okay, quietly though. We can’t ruin the plan.” Ah yes, just quietly cut down an entire wall inside the building. You two totally haven’t thrown the plan completely out the window already. God I love these idiots.

ENMA?!?! YOU GRAB *ENMA* TO QUIETLY CUT DOWN THE WALL?! Zoro I know you want to break in that sword and you’re obsessed with your new cursed spirit but- BOY. No.

Episode 989: 

Godspeed Chopper. Being chased by fucking Big Mom herself? Terrifying.

I am so fascinated by Kanjuro as a villain. Some so detached from any sense of self. Unable to form opinions. Just seeing all those years he spent as a samurai and protecting the Kozuki family being just a ‘role’ he was playing. God, One Piece and all their traumatized kids. I love how different Oda has had trauma change and shape them. those like Law and Corazon and Momonosuke vs Doflamingo and Orochi and Kanjuro. 

Izou you are so hot. That’s all I have to say about that brief conversation between the small whitebeard gang. Izou is just. Gender af.

OH OKAY, SPEAKING OF HOT APPARENTLY! Denjirooooo! Oh my god he’s so impressive. Love this man. Him slipping off his kimono to reveal the Kozuki crest on his back to reveal his identity to Sasaki, his former ally who trusted him? HOT. 

Chopper with a rocket launcher gjsklfg I also love that the very powerful gun on the tank Franky made sounds like a clown honk. Why. gjslkdjg okay but I do love this whole ‘fight’. It’s so wonderful and ridiculous. Hang in there buds ;;;;

#FryTalks #One Piece #Wano #I... I see that I'm right before Yamato finally comes in ;;;;;; I wanna watch these next episodes so badly but also it's so late #SOON. #I want to meet him so badly!!!

[sensitiveandhungry]

get to know me game !!

tagged by @bbujiikseu <3

birthday: april 10th

favorite color: purples and bright/dark yellows and lots of greens and blues

do you have any pets? i don't have any of my own but i have my family dog Buster <3

how tall are you?: 170 cm (5'7) :,) unfortunately

how many pairs of shoes do you own?: 15 but i definitely wear five the most

favorite song: every few days it changes, right now its "Let You Break My Heart Again" by Laufey and the Philharmonia Orchestra

favorite movie: also changes from moment to moment but I can confidently say that overall I will never get tired of Thor: Ragnarok

who would be your ideal partner?: wow, so many things. to be simple and succinct he needs to be respectful and patient, asks for consent, is honest and truthful, and loyal. And, of course loves me for me. can also deal with my antics, insecurities, etc

do you want children?: honestly, i'm not sure. i do but also the idea of being in charge of another human being and responsible for how it turns out is terrifying to me. also no thank you to child birth. since i was in middle school i have wanted to adopt, and would ideally like to adopt teenagers so i can help them and give them the resources they need in the last few years before they become adults. i want to be able to put more functioning adults out in the world, even if its only one or two.

have you gotten in trouble with the law?: no sir no ma'am

what color socks are you wearing?: no socks right now but earlier today i was wearing grey socks with lavender borders and cartoon cows on it. cows are my favorite animal. they are my favorite socks.

favorite type of music: girl i love so much music, number one is just pop. overall, all sub-genres. k-pop of course, duh, hello. lately r&b is just SO GOOD? so yeah that too. and i really life soft pop/rock/bedroom type beats.

how many pillows do you sleep with?: four pillows, a quilt and two blankets, two stuffies. anything less its just not heavy enough i need a nest

what position do you sleep in?: all of the above? primarily a stomach sleeper but i can fall asleep on my side or back too. but i always wake up on my stomach

what don’t you like when you’re sleeping?: being cold. it is the absolute worst. i also hate sleeping with like no weight on me. def can't do just a sheet and can hardly do just a comforter/duvet. <<this is kana's response but literally me too. we are the same.

what do you have for breakfast?: it depends on the day and my schedule. with a few exceptions, M,W,F I eat nutella toast, T,Th I have chocolate protein milk with apple cinnamon nutrigrain bars. On the weekends I make homemade egg 'mcmuffins' with english muffins, over-easy eggs, american cheese, and occasionally bacon.

have you tried archery?: yes! it is so much fun although im not much good at it

favorite fruit?: hmmm pomegranates and maybe plums too <<< once again kana's response but as usual, we are, in fact, the same

are you a good liar?: it depends. partial truths? yes. blatant lies to people's faces? no jfsdhlgdks

What’s your personality type?: as a kid i was an enfp, for a short while i was an istp, and now i am an infp

innie or outtie? i have the deepest innie belly button you will ever see in your entire life jfkjf. genuinely like the size of a thimble

left handed or right handed?: right handed, always wanted to be ambidextrous

favorite food: carbohydrates. pasta, bread, rice, potatoes. :)

favorite foreign food?: just like kana i love phad thai. it is so good i just- *faints*

am i clean or messy?: i'm def unorganized, but i also hate messes but bc of my anxiety i never know where to start with cleaning until it piles up to the point where i'm so stressed i can't let it sit dkfjd <<kana's response, yet again. but me too, down to the last word.

most used phrase: lately i just call everything garbage. that is garbage. his behavior was garbage. i feel like garbage. also many different variations that include "oh, holy, thank, god, heavens, good lord above"

how long does it take for you to get ready?: i like having lots of time to get ready so i can be relaxed and happy while doing so. so like two hours? but if need be i can also get ready in less than five minutes. anything in between.

do you talk to yourself?: yes because how else would i stay sane, hm?? its mostly like humming, dancing, telling myself what i need to do and get done, or just narrating my every move. also if you don't act like you're filming a youtube video when getting ready in the morning, you are wrong

do you sing to yourself?: girl literally constantly. catch a time when i am not singing. if i am not singing i have a song in my head. currently it's "Moonlight" by Ariana Grande

are you a good singer?: actually yes. the one skill i can confidently say i have, is the ability to sing well. very well. incredibly well. fun fact, my only claim to fame is that i sang the star spangled banner as a solo for my high school graduation, attendance of over 5,000 people. and yes i did have to go through an audition process to do so.

biggest fear: never falling in love. synonymous with being alone/dying alone, but specifically never falling in love. never getting married. never having a boyfriend. that is just absolutely terrifying to me. worse than death

do you like long hair or short hair?: i like me with all the hairs. been wanting to shave my head for like five years and still haven't. everyone else can also do whatever makes them happy. it is your hair not mine

favorite school subject: choir :D this is unsurprising. also yoga. literally the best class EVER

extrovert or introvert?: i am a loud introvert. i love hanging out with people and making friends but my social battery dies quickly and i also have to be in a certain mood to want to interact with people. <<kana's response, but me too. extroverted introvert. also, i am shy. so approach me first and then i am an open book

what makes you nervous?: small, tight spaces, big crowds, loud music / sounds (like to the point where i can't hear myself speak or think), uhhh a lot of things lol <<kana and me are the same

who was your first real crush?: my older sisters tried to push the idea of crushes on me literally since i was five. so my first "crush" was a kid named Jace in my kindergarten class. but if we're talking actual genuine interest in someone for the first time? probably a kid named Gage in fourth grade.

how many piercings?: i have two lol. just on my ear lobes. <<me too, kana

how many tattoos?: zero! i have issues with permanence when it comes to my body, it took me until i was 14 to even pierce my ears. i have interest in the fake tattoos that last a couple months tho!

how fast can you run?: honestly pretty fast. but i would not win a race

what color is your hair?: a really pretty brown. currently growing out bad highlights from middle school i had to spend hundreds of dollars correcting, also a hint of purple from a tint i use

what color are your eyes?: a lovely brown that looks especially pretty in the sun !!

what makes you angry?: people who don't take no for an answer, people who think they're the coolest ever even when they're actually dicks, being blatantly ignored but not being told what i did wrong <<yeah me too, kana

do you like your name?: i am indifferent. i used to hate it as a kid and was bullied for the way it was spelled, told it didn't make sense to spell it Lindsay when you pronounce it Lindzee, but i do in fact have the original Scottish spelling of the name.

do you want a boy or a girl as a child?: i am entirely indifferent! whoever i can adopt i will. also however they may want to identify later in life.

what are your strengths?: girl i dont know what to say. i can sing. i try my very hardest at most things. i am strong and brave. i have a gift for empathy, to a fault. i care and love almost too much.

what are your weaknesses?: same as my strengths, empathy, caring, and love are also my weaknesses. i am also wayyy too sensitive, i overthink, and take everything personally.

what’s the color of your bedspread?: sky blue with white roses

color of your room: white :( not allowed to paint it

#stop talking lindsay

[martianbugsbunny]

OUAT Thoughts Pt.68--Episodes 7-8

I have watched through S7E8; spoilers DNI. Also, spoiler warning for anyone further behind than I am.

—Just when I thought I couldn’t love Hook any more, he stayed in a tower alone to raise his daughter that he didn’t expect to have. He’s just the best!

—Regina’s cold-shoulder plaid shirt has got me reeling. And that wavy hair? She is absolutely heaven on earth.

—I think Alice needs one of those shirts with the Sappho quote on it about being unable to weave bc ✨pretty girl✨ She just kinda ran headlong into disaster lesbian territory.

—Hook’s poisoned heart (I guess I missed the fine print on that when they explained it a little while ago, because I was a bit confused) keeping him and Alice apart is incredibly sad. I’m having trouble remembering when his heart was supposed to have been cursed, but obviously it wasn’t for a while, because he had to be able to raise Alice.

—That thing where the lockets started glowing for Ella and Henry was awesome. Although…I still don’t like Ella very much? I think she’s the closest this show has come to girlboss *derogatory* territory, and I hate that kind of character. No thanks.

—That being said, she has shown a little bit of emotion in episode 8, so I choose to think she’ll get better. I would say she just needs to have her walls come down, but Emma didn’t girlboss all over the place when she first showed up, and she had like sixty-foot-high cement walls with barbed wire and bear traps, so that’s not an excuse.

—Gothel still doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. And while she doesn’t really need to, and all I need her for story-wise is being a generic magic user, I’ve come to expect more from this show, so I’m guessing she’ll probably get some backstory later. At least something to explain why Regina’s wigging about her being free.

—I also don’t get why a plant is supposed to bring Anastasia back.

—I’d like to know what Rumple’s up to. If he’s going to be an ass to Regina *still affectionate* *not loving him has become an impossibility* then I’d like to have some confidence that he has a good reason.

—Because holy cow, my love for Regina has existed for several seasons, but today it hit me like a six-ton truck. I might have her name carved on my heart only below Rumple’s, when it comes to OUAT. She’s a great mix of incredibly storytelling, a redemption arc to die for (you just know I’m a sucker for one of those), amazing fashion sense, enchanting personality, and gorgeous looks. Wow.

—It was fun to see Hook in full pirate mode again. That red vest is the best.

—When Gothel was pretending to be Rapunzel, that dress was sooooo pretty.

—Hook setting up a weekly chess game with Alice is my new favorite. He has no clue, and he’s still reaching out to her.

—Squeeeeee White Knight!!😍

—Actually, the Wonderland references in episode 8 were excellent. The Walrus restaurant with the oysters? Well, first of all, it proved to me that oysters are beyond disgusting and that trying to swallow one would probably make me sick, but that was a delightful reference. Bonus points for being something that isn’t as obvious as the Cheshire Cat or the Queen of Hearts.

—Also, I cannot believe I finally got to see a tea party in Wonderland! Kind of a depressing, sad little tea party, but I’ll take what I can get.

—Alice’s Wonderland clothes were gorgeous. That red skirt is to die for.

—How old is she supposed to be? The timelines in this season are messing with my brain, and given how old this Hook was when we first met him I’m guessing she’s a young adult, but I can’t figure it out with logic and it bothers me. Based on her appearance, I’d say she’s in her early twenties, but I’ve never been that good at puzzling out people’s ages based on their looks.

—Regina and Henry having a roadtrip to San Fransisco is fun. Although I’m terrified that the person who hates her in San Fransisco is Zelena, because I know Zelena appears later in the season (nothing more, though) and after everything they’ve been through it would destroy me to see them not getting along again.

—But then again, there are probably still a lot of people who hate Regina, so maybe it’s not her. Besides, as far as I know Zelena wasn’t around to get cursed.

—It bothers me how much of this season takes place in a bar. They’re tryna get the Granny’s vibe back, but could they not have found any better eatery than a bar? The amount of drinking most of the characters have done in this season is bonkers compared to the other six seasons. Maybe Regina should’ve had a bakery or something.

—I am ashamed of myself for not getting the Star Wars reference. Smh.

—It amuses me that the song Henry was listening to in episode 8 was called “Bizarre Love Triangle” because I am getting some kinda vibes between him, Ella, and what’s-his-face collectively.

—I love the bracelet Rumple’s been wearing lately. It’s hard to see because he’s usually wearing a jacket, but it’s cute and I would love to get a clearer shot of it.

#once upon a time #ouat #Captain Hook #Alice #Alice jones #rumplestiltskin #regina mills #wonderland #tea party #Henry mills-swan #gothel #cinderella #martianbugsbunny reviews