Again I know it's supposed to be a haha reference to the turns into a bear when he's too aroused thing, but in again refusing to brush just over the surface of this character: "I must be careful or I'll lose run of myself again. An Archdruid should show *some* restraint." comes across to me as more melancholy than perhaps intended when a. You take it into consideration that several lines imply that Halsin has issues with self control and self servitude, and presenting an "acceptable" version of himself as an outwards facing authority figure, to the point where he brushes over his own feelings, or pushes things that he wants down in the effort to reflect better what others want from him.
And b. Remember that Halsin was essentially just an apprentice when he was forcibly situationally promoted to Archdruid - he wasn't taught *how* to be an Archdruid or trained for it, or mentored; he was thrust into it because they didn't have any other choice. But they needed someone, so he stepped up. Halsin has spent the last century studying and learning things on the fly or through trial and error, and in a position of leadership like that, he is aware that every failure to uphold that mask *counts* and others *are* very much affected. How many times has he muttered that same mantra? Or heard it thrown around? An Archdruid not having control over their own magic is a big deal. Even when he is no longer Archdruid, he still grumbles it to himself. He's been at it over a century and he *still* doesn't feel like he's gotten it right. Even when he is in a place of progression, of trying to gain hold of himself again, those wisps of failure and self doubt still creep into everything. And that's sad to me.
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Brennan Lee Mulligan really describes like The Bear of all time and I’m supposed to be normal about it?? You’re telling me that this bear says his purpose is to live deeply and live well in the forest??? Like yeah, dude, that sure fucking is a Great Bear. Maybe even the best
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hi yeah so to this day i’m still thinking about the direct aftermath of the betrayal. about how we still don’t know exactly what happened - maybe the movie will give us some backstory! obviously we know the long-term effects of it, but what happened directly after the button was pushed? like did ambrosius realize what he’d done at first? was there instant horror and regret the moment it happened? or did it take a moment to register that he’d blown off ballister’s arm?
and how long did it take ambrosius to realize that the worst mistake of his life had been by design, planned all along? how long before he realized it was never really his fault, but rather the director’s? was it right after he’d stood up in the arena only to find that ballister was still on the ground, or was it a slow reconciliation with the truth that stretched across years?
and about the feud/breakup itself, too - how much of it was pushed by the director and the news, and how much was it ballister himself, rightly angry that he’d been betrayed? how many times did ambrosius try to tell ballister it was an accident before it became clear ballister didn’t believe him, and how many times after that was he just repeating himself over and over? did he ever mention that he’d tried to help, that he’d seen the spreading pool of blood and tried to rush over, only to be held back? did anybody ever find out that beneath the triumphant, untouchable king’s champion was a scared and bitter young knight, forever regretting something that was out of his control from the very beginning? that the price of his victory was so, so much higher than a broken lance and an arm?
what would it feel like, i wonder, to be a golden boy on a pedestal, exalted as a hero but despised by the person who mattered most to you? to be rewarded with fame and glory and a statue in the town square for something you never even meant to do, something that ruined everything? to be celebrated for the worst thing you ever did, crowned king’s champion and gilded in the eyes of the whole kingdom but knowing their approval means nothing compared to the love of the person you’d hurt, someone you’ll probably never get back again because why would you after what you’d done? to get everything you’d ever thought you wanted, at the expense of the one person who mattered most?
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hey guys so i’ve been thinking about jeremike
do you think they hoped they would be able to marry
despite the knowledge it was near impossible, they clung to the hope that they could be together forever
do you think they would talk to each other about where they would go when they could be free
when michael didn’t have the weight of his father hanging onto him like an anchor, forcing him to stay
they would go off as far from everything as possible, a little place to themselves. maybe somewhere by a beach. jeremy would kiss michaels nose as he raved about how wonderful it would be, about how they could be all by themselves and love each other without worries. just them against the world.
michael would listen (and rarely ever interrupt, for the words that fell from his love’s mouth were something to be cherished like a ruby), and would, for once, begin to believe his words to be true. begin to grow excited and happy and hopeful. against all odds, a ray of light in the dreary trenches he had been in for so long
do you ever think on how they likely wouldn’t have been able to see each other in that small amount of time between jeremy’s night shift and day shift. not nearly enough time to exchange anything but a sleepy “hello” and “i love you”
do you think about the gut wrenching familiarity as michael saw his whole world crumble for the second time.
do you think he was in the same room, kneeling by the same bed, gripping the lifeless hand and shaking, crying, pleading,
the relief that he is alive, followed by the realization that he will never be the same
the despair and hopelessness that he had thought finally loosened regaining its hold and squeezing him until he was left gasping for breath
do you guys ever think about that
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Miguel telling Miles he’s going to hell anytime he gets pissed off enough (breaking into his apartment, getting involved in fights for no reason, starting trouble with Gabriel) but Miles keeps track and eventually shows up with a long paper list that rolls all through the living area & it has all the reasons he’s going to hell on it and he graded it based on creativity, so it’s very obvious neither of them are serious about that sort of thing. Now imagine one time Miles is super tired so when Miguel says “you’re going to burn in hell for putting stickers on me btw” Miles just takes it seriously for a few moments, which gave Miguel 10 new gray hairs with each second that passed. He’s already hollering like an injured dog on the inside and is begging any higher being listening to him to protect Miles’s mind from his poison, to let Miles go through the rest of his life free of him and anyone like him, is telling Lyla to mark him as dead, praying that he either doesn’t get a next life at all and is punished for his sins or if he is to be reincarnated he’d be a perfect guard dog that’ll want for nothing but will do everything, and is running away as I type this. Got so terrified of something that didn’t even happen he became religious for a second. Idk i just really want him to be so. I want him to react in a way that lets you know he’s mentally unwell <3
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hyphen last names are so beautiful…. like i love you.. lets put our last names together… i need to lie down
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