#lots of depressive content incoming

[barbieheart]

♡ FERAL ♡ part 1: BEG

modern yandere!childe/tartaglia x dog hybrid!fem!reader

DARK CONTENT WARNING

TAGS: dead dove do not eat, yandere, creep behavior, rape/non-con/dub-con, sexual content, sexual slavery, poverty, master/pet dynamics, hybrids, animal death, afab reader, fem reader, blood, violence, gore, depression, ptsd, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, suicidal attempts, stockholm syndrome, kidnapping, pregnancy, breeding, abortion, miscarriage, modern teyvat

♡ Part I: BEG ♡

The sound of the wind whistling through the trees was white noise at this point. Thankfully, the hood of your oversized hoodie kept your soft canine ears warm from the wind’s assault. Darkness of night had cascaded the city far sooner than you expected, but the rain clouds above hadn’t been in the forecast, either. Your eyes followed the slow raindrops that began to dot the sidewalks. You’d better quicken your pace if you want to get home.

Well, “home” was a very generous term. The pack of stray canine hybrids you belonged to wasn’t exactly what you’d call “home”. However, their company was better than fending for yourself alone in the unforgiving walls of the city. Living in poverty was your reality, but you didn’t know anything else. It’s not like your job at the convenience store paid you enough to care.

You passed by the neon lights of a ramen bar, your mouth drooling with hunger. You knew you didn’t have enough money to sit yourself up on the stool and order something, but the thought occupied your head for a bit. Your tail wagged slowly at the consideration. Wouldn’t a ramen bowl be nice? You wouldn’t be able to pay for your gym membership this month if you purchased a bowl - would a month of showers be worth a small… delicious… bowl of noodles?

No. You needed to be careful with your existing money. You sighed to yourself, frustrated with your situation. A few more blocks to go, and you’d be home with your fellow canines. Surely, they’d saved a rat carcass for you to eat.

Ugh, maybe you could brandish your adorable puppy ears to the folks outside of a restaurant and beg for leftovers. After a while, you’d forgotten a lot of your dignity when it came to letting folks pet your ears for a scrap of food.

Changing course, you instead made your way to the local restaurant district. Authentic food, tasty drinks, a safe environment from the incoming storm, it was everything you could ask for. You snooped around the entrances, coming across a group of well dressed people outside of a high-class Liyuean restaurant. You slipped your hood from your head, letting your ears bounce adorably from their previous places folded against your head. Your hair was messy, but that didn’t do anything to deter your determination.

One way or another, you were targeting their hearts for a piece of pork if you could! As you got closer, their attention fell on you, a couple of the group members cooing at how adorable you were. You looked pitiful: big ears, puppy eyes, your hands in a begging position, and a light whine crawling out the back of your throat.

“Snack, please?” You spoke in the highest pitch you could, coming out even whinier than you intended. With the state of your clothing and dirtied appearance, a couple humans in the group took pity on you. In particular, a tall and youthful ginger man. The container of noodles in his hand was your main goal - you could smell it!

“How cute!” He spoke energetically, reaching a gloved hand for your head. You instinctually flinched back, but forced yourself to accept his gentle touch. He rubbed the spots behind your ears and you internally purred.

“Childe, do be careful.” One of the group members spoke, his deep voice rolling pleasantly.

“Don’t worry about it, I can handle a lil doggy!” The ginger laughed. You let your tail wag quickly. Perhaps they were under the impression that you didn’t speak very well and were unable to understand the warning against you. You knew the reputation the strays in the area had caused; stealing, attacks, conniving gestures. This was something you were familiar with yourself, having stolen a bagel or two on this very street.

“Now, who’s a good girl?” Childe playfully teased, crouching a bit to your height and patting his thigh. He was treating you like an actual dog! While you were incredibly insulted, you didn’t show it. Instead, your tail wagged faster than before and you let your tongue peak from your lips. You gave a couple yips for good measure. 

Charmed, the ginger man opened the container of leftovers and offered an octopus tentacle. He held the tentacle out for you, expecting you to eat from his hands. You smiled, gently taking the offering from his palm, much to your embarrassment. You barely chewed before swallowing. Unfortunately, he wasn’t done embarrassing you quite yet.

“Want some more, girl? Sit, be a good girl for me!”

Ugh, this bitch. You complied, sitting on your knees on the cold, hard sidewalk. Childe smiled before holding another octopus tentacle in his hands for you to take. You reached a hand for the food, but Childe easily snatched it away.

“Ah, ah, ah! Eat from my hand, puppy....” He paused. “Don’t you have a home?” You felt your heart sink but you obeyed this time around, earning yourself a second piece of food, but didn’t answer his question thanks to chewing the seafood meat.

“Childe, the group is heading out. Shall we get going?” Childe’s deep-voiced companion spoke again, shifting his eyes away from you. At least somebody here had some shame.

“Oh, yeah! Let’s go before we get left behind.” Childe gave you one last pat on the head, his blue eyes hiding something sadistic, before turning and joining his human friend under an umbrella. They left you to stare after them, your ears lowered in disappointment. You had really put in the work, and they only gave you two little pieces of food! Straightening your legs and standing to your full height, you let your eyes wander the streets for more opportunities.

After an hour of begging, pets, and essentially baby-talking, you were exhausted. You’d only made out with some tiny table scraps, hardly a bite or two, and you were still hungry. Finding yourself wandering the same couple blocks, you decided to change it up and walk down the quiet residential neighborhood just a street down. You pulled your hood up again, shielding you from the heavy downpour. Soon enough, you were soaked to the bone with the storm’s relentless pounding.

Looking around for some sort of cover from the rain, your eyes found a single car on the road, slowly making its way down the road in your direction. You didn’t think much of it. This street was usually quiet at night, save for a few cars here and there, but you’d never seen such a luxurious car in this neighborhood. The car kept going, but then did a u-turn and strolled right up next to you. 

Uncomfortable, the fur on your tail raised in caution. You backed away, avoiding the vehicle and quickening your pace down the street. Fuck finding a dry place, you need to get out of here. When you heard the car door open and swiftly shut, you bolted down the street. You knew they were close, their footsteps gaining on you. You peaked over your shoulder, trying to get a look at the stranger. 

In a second, you were completely stopped, having run smack into a metal pole. In your shock and daze, the pain blooming in your skull was set to the side as the stranger placed his gloved hand over your mouth, muffling any cries and screams you produced. He pulled you against his chest, flooding your nose with his familiar scent, his voice soft and sultry in your acute ear.

“Shhhh, be a good girl, yeah?”

#yandere childe #yandere genshin #yandere genshin impact #yandere #tw noncon #tw kidnapping #hybrid reader #genshin x reader #yandere genshin x reader #dog hybrid reader

[norrisreads]

delicate - yt #22

PAIRING: yuki tsunoda x reader!

SUMMARY: inspired by delicate - Taylor Swift

WARNINGS: fluff, hinge of angst! cheater! ex !!!!!! insecure reader!

FC: karina from aespa

masterlist

“ hi! you mentioned drawing inspiration for your fic from songs. can you write Yuki fic based on Delicate by Taylor Swift where they are both into each other but the reader is so afraid to mess up because of her problematic past? maybe a little angsty to spice it up? thank you xx”

love love the idea of this, hope you’re happy with my take on it <3 yuki needs more love and fics 😭🙏🏻

Being friends with the scuderia alphatauri driver, yuki tsunoda has it’s pros and cons. Having met on a cooking class and being closer to each other after one dinner ‘date’ made you realise the both of you have tons of similarities. you’ve never realised yuki was a driver racing for the formula one, not until you’ve realised you were stopped in the streets by fans asking for a picture with him.

pros are you’re well contented with his presence, not having a single dull moment whenever you’re around him

and cons are being scared to confessing your feelings to the said driver, with a fear of rejection and letting him in your life permanently.

It's okay to consider confessing; what scares you is your fear of being rejected. Rejection and you are not compatible, and neither is maintaining people in your life on a long-term basis.

A terrible memory has to be the day your friends and ex-boyfriend publically humiliated you. It seems like everyone, including their mothers, knew about his affair with your ex-best friend, which made the entire year unbearably monotonous and depressing.

It's safe to assume that you never truly had someone there for you during your difficult times because you were never great with people—that is, until you met Yuki.

Despite his hectic schedule, he was there for you when you were hired for your dream company and even celebrate your 22nd birthday. You've come to realize that you were no match for him because he was there for you through everything.

You were simply a typical lady...a regular person who works for a company and relies upon that job for her income—someone he had met while taking cookery classes during his downtime. You weren't a well-known figure in the industry or an influencer. Perhaps this explains why, unseen to you, Yuki Tsunoda has a major crush on you.

“hey what has gotten you thinking so hard, that you’re not listening to me?” yuki snaps his fingers trying to get your attention which made you realised you’ve been daydreaming

smiling at yuki, “nothing just thinking on what we should get for dinner later”

he took a seat beside you, “i was thinking of this ramen store that i used to go when i was a kid, i wanna bring you there. I’m sure you’ll love the ramen”

yuki pleaded you for a 2 weeks off from your work to attend the Japanese Grand Prix, and you agreed as he was super persistent on making sure you’re on board with the plan.

other than that, yuki planned a whole guided trip (of course him being the tour guide) for you. Showing you places that had meant a-lot to him, bring you to the harry potter house (you’re a huge fan of it, and yuki could tell as you had a raven-claw phone case on when he first met you) and of course bringing you to meet his friends.

“i’m almost done with everything, just give me 30 minutes and i’ll be back. you can walk around with Michael if you’re scared, or i can call over josh to accompany you?”

you had met michael and josh countless times, whenever you’re over at yuki’s house they’ll never fail to be there too. The four of you had surprisingly gotten closer, but with the recent shifting of josh to Ferrari, the outings weren’t rlly quite often anymore.

“yeah i’ll visit josh, i’ve just seen him outside a few minutes ago. Text me when you’re done yuki”

walking around the paddock with josh made you realised that he was a great listener, he listened to you rambling on and on about your life and your feelings towards Yuki.

“give it a try, y/n” josh stopped walking and faced you, shrugging his shoulders

“i’m scared, what if he leaves like the others josh? he’s not someone i would want to let go off”

then you heard laughters, looking at josh in confusion

“him? leaving you? yeah that’s never happening. Have you seen the way he look at you?”

shaking your head , “i shouldn’t be telling you this, if Yuki hears this from me, i’m dead y/n but the way he looks at you? it’s unbelievable but that gaze was a look of a man in love”

with you..?

“don’t joke around josh, it’s not funny!”

but with the seriousness of josh look, it was never a joke

“well it’s up to you to believe me y/n, come on let’s go! Michael just texted me yuki is done for the day”

“why did you not let me know we’re going to a restaurant? i’m too dressed down for this yuki” walking side by side with yuki towards the restaurant

“it’s a family business, i doubt they’ll care of our dress-codes further more you’ll still look beautiful even with a trash bag on”

arriving at the restaurant, the both of you were guided to a table, and a few minutes later, yuki’s uncle greeted the both of you.

“it’s such an honour meeting yuki’s girlfriend, we heard sooo much about you from yuki! we were super excited that you’ve decided to visit japan!”

yuki’s girlfriend…?

“oh no i’m just a friend! it’s an honour in meeting you too, i can’t wait to try the food here!” smiling sweetly to yuki’s uncle and what you’ve missed was the red flush cheeks on yuki’s face.

in the midst of eating and talking, yuki took out a small bag and handed it to you

confused, accepting the bag and you took a look, you were surprised.

it was a locket necklace with a picture of the both of you that he had taken after the first dinner ‘date’ with a date engraved on the other side of the locket.

“y/n, i’ve been thinking and i’ve realised that with you in my life, i’ve looked forward to it everyday. You made me realise that life was worth living and i can’t imagine a life without you. I must say my anger management has been really well after i’ve met you”

the both of you laughed, but yuki was looking forward to your answer

apparently, after the talk that you had with josh. He had raise his concerns about you to yuki, and yuki’s goal for tonight is for you to feel loved.

“i know you’re having thoughts if i will ever leave you, but I promise you i won’t. I’ll stay by your side till we’re old, I’ll celebrate every milestone with you, i’ll never get sick of you y/n. There’s no one else that i would want to live my life with, it does not matter that you’re just a typical girl because what matters at the end of the day is you’re the only one i’ve had my eyes on, so would you be the honour of being my girlfriend?”

and by the end of his sentence, you were tearing up.

“you’re driving me crazy yuki tsunoda”

Yuki holds while stroking your hands, saying, " that’s what i do best, love”

y/n__01 just shared a photo

liked by yukitsunoda0511 krusectrl michaelitaliano and 20 more

tagged: yukitsunoda0511

y/n__01 handsome, you’re mansion with a view

krusectrl thanks to me

y/n__01 thankyou josh 🙏🏻🥹

pierregasly welcome to the club yukitsunoda0511

yukitsunoda0511 will always love you 💙

y/n__01 🥹💙

yukitsunoda0511 just shared a photo

liked by pierregasly danielricciardo y/n__01 and 302,749 others

tagged: y/n__01

yukitsunoda0511 you’re so gorgeous it actually hurts ❤️😇

gaslied22 WHAT? YUKI HAS A GF?

yukifans it was just confirmed today! I’m so happy for them!

tsunodays stop im actually sobbing, they’re so adorable

gaslied22 STOP! the taylor swift song references !!!!!!!

danielricciardo so this is the reason you’re smiling every day

yukitsunoda0511 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

y/n__01 are you quoting a taylor swift song rn tsunoda

yukitsunoda0511 well of course…

another yuki oneshot added to the list, i hope this was a great read! added in a lil ig post of their reveal 🤭🙏🏻

#norreadsreq #submission #f1 x reader #f1 fics #f1 x y/n #f1 smau #yuki tsunoda x f1 #yuki tsunoda #yuki tsunoda smau #yuki tsunoda fluff #yuki tsunoda x reader #yuki tsunoda x y/n

[mushroommanstan]

Hiiii I really like your writing and I wanted to ask if you could maybe write something about the reader spending mothers day with College Tenko in their dorm. The reader comes back from the bathroom with red puffy eyes, upset because they don’t get to spend Mother’s Day with their mother (Being a college student and all) because they’re to far in distance but also emotionally distant. Tenko hugs them and tries awkwardly comforting them and accidentally lets slip that his mom is bead because of him. Then the reader tries comforting him as well. Idk but it would really mean a lot <3

College AU Tenko cheering you up on Mother’s Day

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mom I-“

“Oh fuck off!”

A child should never hear that from their mother, especially when it’s directed at them. But clear as crystal your mom continued to curse you out until you felt your eyes dewing with tears. Dammit, dammit dammit dammit.

You know the state you left her in when you went away for college. Terrified, mad, constantly at war with her addiction and the landlord, dirt poor as she used any income she got to drown her insecurities in liquor. You had used your childhood cleaning up after her for the most part, but to say she was a terrible mom would be a lie. Despite everything in her life she… she always made sure to show her best side to you. She never struck you, never said anything hurtful despite how much she clearly wanted to, a way to make her small, depressed self feel big for just a moment. But she didn’t. Really, under the circumstances she was the best mom she could be.

She had always said college was a scam, and even if it wasn’t it was way too expensive. Just some daycare for spoiled brats so they can hurt themselves for a piece of paper, she’d say. But you always felt different. You’d always felt passionate in (y/p), and a place where you could really hone your skills, even just a little bit felt like heaven on earth. So you studied hard, worked your darnedest and got your scholarships before sending in your college applications. You got in, and it was the best feeling you’ve ever felt.

That was, until your mom found out. To say she was upset was an understatement. In fact, she tried ripping up your approval letters before you shoved her away. Then you two got into a fight where you said you didn’t want to end up like her, and without another word you left and never looked back, until now.

You’d think at-least on Mother’s Day she’d be just a little more forgiving, or at least affectionate. But here she was, cursing you out in her slurred, obviously drunk voice even though it was quite early in the morning. After a while you couldn’t handle it anymore, hanging up without even saying “happy Mother’s Day”.

You weeped, sitting on the toilet with your head in your hands as you cried in the most private place of Tenkos dorm room, his bathroom. (And even then it’s not so private ;) ). Door locked, you were content on riding this out by yourself when you heard the door to his room open.

Tenko walked in, and after previously being introduced to the Heathers musical last night which he absolutely adored, was singing “Candy Store” boisterously with a big ol’ grin on his face.

Why was he so happy? Well, because he got the new switch game of course. His asshole roommate Dabi is out of town, his favorite food place was having a sale, damn, it’s really shaping up to be a perfect weekend.

That was of course, until he just barely heard you sniffling over the sound of his own singing. He slowly stopped, dropping his things and pressing his ear to the door where he heard you sobbing.

Panic struck him, worried about you as he paced a little, calling out “you alright babe?”

You didn’t answer. You were in no frame of mind to be talking to him so you just hugged your knees on the toilet, crying onto your kneecaps.

He scratched his neck, nervously, wondering what he could do to get you out of there before he got an idea that had his lips curving up in amusement.

He pressed his cheek agains the door and sang “~Veronica, open the-open the door now, Verconica open the door!~”

Your head lifted off your knees, and you walked over to the door. Was he really-

“~Veronica can we not fight anymore please? Can we not fight anymore?~”

You giggled. God, what a dork.

He smiled when he heard you laugh, glad his “plan” was working.

“~Veronica I’m sure you’re scared I’ve been there, I can set you freee! Veronica don’t make me come in there! IM GONNA COUNT TO THREE!~”

He inhaled like the guy had in the musical, and you imagined he was holding his hand out in a fist like the guy had too.

“One.”

Your giggling stopped when you realized ‘wait, is he gonna kick down the door?’

“Two-fuck it!”

You backed away from the door as you heard him humming, seemingly moving farther away and when his humming came to a climax you braced yourself only to see a little paper slip under the door.

You walked over, picking it up and saw in his crummy handwriting “what’s wrong” with a little crude frowny face under it. You burst out in giggles, finally opening the door where Tenko was standing, relieved he got you out before his face morphed in worry at the sight of yours. Red puffy eyes, pink cheeks, lips trembling slightly.

He pulled you in for a hug, rubbing your back as he tried to calm you down. “What’s wrong babe?” He repeated, trying to find out so he can fix it for you, no matter what it takes.

You sighed. “Can we sit on the bed? I need’a talk.” He nodded, lowering carefully with you still in his arms which made him almost trip, but after a short moment he was able to sit down without any trouble.

You looked him in the eyes, taking a deep breath before telling him everything. Your love for your mom, your regret for betraying her, your anguish for her reaction, your grief for her situation. All the while he just listened, not saying a word as he gave you his complete focus, nodding and gasping at appropriate times.

“-And now I just-I don’t know what to do…” you finished, looking up at him hopefully, waiting for some insight.

Tenko hummed, patting your shoulder sympathetically, seemingly choosing his next action carefully, then he got up, walking over and picking up a small waste bin before sitting back down with you.

“I’m gonna tell ya some stuff… it’s not gonna be easy-” he looked away from you. “-for a number of reasons, but… I think ya need to hear it.”

He hugged the waste bin in his lap, before getting up and rummaging around under his bed. His back still to you, he began “I told you my parents died, right?”

You sighed at the reminder, putting your head in your hands. “Yes… I’m so sorry.” Damn, you’ve been whining and bitching about your own mom to a guy who doesn’t even have one anymore. You’re such an asshole.

Rising, in his hands he held a medium size cardboard box, which written on it in big bubble letters said “PRIVATE! DO NOT OPEN!”

He sat down on the bed with you again, rummaging around in his hoodie pocket this time and pulling out ‘Father’.

“And you know about this guy? Father?”

You winced at the sight of it, turning away not wanting to look at the mangled, cold severed limb any longer else you puke. “Y-yeah.” If there’s one thing you couldn’t stand about the guy, just one thing, it had to be… that.

“Well… there uh, there’s something you should know.”

You could feel yourself becoming lightheaded when he took the lid off the box, wobbling a little in complete shock and disgust at the number of hands that lied inside. Oh… my… god…… there’s-there’s more of them! So, much, more!

You nearly fainted by the way the lifeless hands flopped on top one another as he rummaged through the box, before he found what he was looking for and presented a seemingly identical grey hand in front of you.

“This… is my mom.” He paused, before smiling. “Say hi mom!” He waved it at you, giggling, and upon seeing your completely horrified face decided “right, not funny, my bad.”

He took a deep breath, and in that moment you asked “w…why…what-Tenko what the hell is…?”

“I’ll tell you.” He replied, placing the severed hand in his lap and stroking it absentmindedly with his thumb.

“When… when I was younger… I did something bad. I was a late bloomer in the quirk department, and when it finally came I didn’t… I didn’t know what was going on.”

His eyes dewed with tears, and your attention was drawn away from the box and towards your emotional boyfriend. You placed your hand on his knee reassuringly, and he placed his on yours, thumb now stroking over your warm skin rather than the cold dead flesh of his late mother.

“I killed my dog first. Then my sister came out to apologize for something earlier and… and I…” he wiped his eyes. “I killed her too. Then my mom came out and just as she tried to hug me I-I” his voice was wavering, and you felt your own tears building from his sad story. Then his stomach gurgled loudly, and he raised a finger to let you know he needed a moment before grabbing the waste bin and hurling in it. You gagged, not being able to handle seeing other people vomit.

His head rose from the rim of the bin, and he panted, wiping his chin with his cuff before continuing. “Long story short… I killed them all. My whole family. And the guilt and shame has never left me since even though it wasn’t my fault.”

Honestly, he could’ve ended there. It was sad enough and you were already crying there along with him. But to your horror, he kept going.

“Then after like a week of, you know, not having a family or house and having to live on the streets like a stray dog, I was adopted by this guy named All For One. Turns out, uh oh, he’s a serial killer, and at the time he convinced me to be one too. Keep in mind I was like 6, real impressionable. He was able to morph my conscience by using my guilt against me, saying it was the heroes fault not mine. And to make sure I never get over it he turned the remaining bits of my family members into these hand mementos and made me wear them.”

You were both sobbing at this point, hugging each other before he pulled you back from him, wanting to look you in the eyes. “I-I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to end up like me. Please, feel bad and allow yourself to heal however you need to but just remember: it’s not your fault. It’ll be ok, you don’t have to go through this alone. Please just, do whatever you need to to move past this. Don’t get caught up in the past.”

Your eyes were tearing up again, this time out of the genuine love you felt for this man. He went through so much and he still has so much care and respect for your feelings, god you fucking love him.

You gave him a big ol’ kiss on the lips, placing your hand on the back of his head and deepening it when you felt your phone vibrate. It was your mom, she was calling you.

You looked at him in a panic but he looked back in such a reassuring, confident way it was able to ground you. Then, you held his hand and took the call, ending up in another fight with your mom but this time, it didn’t hurt so much because he was right there with you, letting you know it’ll be alright.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alright so I can’t say I’m 100% happy with the ending, but I wanna get this out before the day ends sooooo

I was also pretty busy today so I couldn’t proofread so be understanding, I command thee.

Hope y’all had a good Mother’s Day, farewell for now.

#shigaraki tenko #my hero academia #shigaraki fanfiction #my hero academia shigaraki #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki x y/n #boku no hero academia tomura #shigaraki tomura #shigaraki angst

[jesterraconteuse]

Ok I hate what Watcher is doing too but y'all can't say they aren't anti-capitalist if you're gonna say Dropout/Game Changer team is. I get the backlash but be consistent

I mean as a creator I get wanting to have full control over your content. But this just... Doesn't seem well thought out, even from a financial standpoint.

Anyways, still fuck YouTube. I kinda just wish creators had their own platform but I fear it would just go down the same way YouTube did

Edit: had some thoughts I wanted to add. I don't think this was done with ill intention. I don't consider it a betrayal of fans as much as a really bad mistake. I feel like there were much better ways to do this.

I don't agree with comparing it to Dropout in the sense that they had a lot to work with before making the jump.

But also they don't have as much as Good Mythical Morning. They can't upload near daily. They haven't been building up money consistently for years. Yes GMM uploads it's main content for free but the situation is different.

But there's a few things, in my unprofessional opinion, that made this clumsy and reckless.

The build up to this being a cool and hype moment when honestly it's truly somber to see YouTube fall from being a bastion for creatives and how capitalism gatekeeps creativity.

How sudden it was. This might have been quite a bit different if it was a slow transition to having some content on Patreon and going from there.

When. It's hard times for everyone right now. Not just us but them y'know? However I don't know these people or their financial situation so I can only give the benefit of the doubt. But dropping this so suddenly and with the current economic crisis.... This would be the result.

They're just too small, and have not nearly enough history as Watcher to pull this off.

Like it or not, in a capitalist society we're not entitled to free content. Because everything takes money to make. It takes money to breathe. To have quality of life. And creators do deserve to get paid for their work.

But in the end this justifiably broke the trust of viewers. Even with their justifications to make this jump the execution was poor and not well thought out.

Overall it's just depressing and worrying.

Keep in mind with yourself that a lot of creators are getting more and more fed up with YouTube. For good reason. It's another apocalypse for YouTube right now

Edit 2: also I just wanna say things can be bad idea without being capitalist. Shocker/s. Don't forget YouTube is the big cesspool company here. Watcher is 25 people. Wanting to be in control and have a consistent income to create without relying on an unreliable system isn't bad.

But the way they did it? Well you can see for yourself how it's going

#watcher #dropout #game changer #shane madej #ryan bergara #steven lim #youtube

[ahundredtimesover]

Belong (4.5: Rewind) | MYG

Pairing: Yoongi x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: exes-to-lovers-to-exes-to-lovers; actress!OC x basketball coach!Yoongi; summer romance; “long” distance relationship; parallel timelines; angst, fluff, smut

Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, family drama, sport injury; dreams & moving away; allusion to depression; basketball and acting talk; 2014 and 2022 Yoongi; shy and nonchalant cocky whipped Yoongi; almost drowning, sexual content (18+)

Chapter Word count: 6k

Series Masterlist

Status: Complete

Series summary: Being an actor has always been your dream. Pursuing it meant many things - leaving the town where you grew up, distancing yourself from your family that had fallen apart, and saying goodbye to the man who made you feel what home was like. When you decide to finally return after being away for so long, you meet Min Yoongi again, and you’re reminded of the summer romance from 8 years ago with the college basketball superstar whose broken dream pushed you away. As you find yourself spending time with him, you’re left to wonder if love changes, if it gives second chances, or if it’s just another illusion that will hurt the both of you the second time around.

Listen to: Nervous by Gavin James || Playlist 🎶

3 years ago 

Yoongi’s childhood home is a one-floor house with a spacious kitchen and a nice lawn. His dad had built it for their mother as a way to keep her happy. It has a lot of the things she likes, like a big common space for everyone to gather around during meals, a vertical garden outside, and some planter boxes hanging by the windows. Half of the furniture is from the antique shop, which his dad had refurbished to fit the style of the place.

Yoongi was too young when they first moved in, but he remembers many things about it, like evenings watching talk shows and the news while they all ate and cleaned up as a family, mornings of his parents talking about different topics that got Yoongi interested in watching documentaries, and afternoons with his brother shooting hoops in their small backyard. 

He also remembers the weekends you’d stayed over when he was injured, the first time you saw him break down, and the last time you walked out the door. There are memories of him ignoring his dad, arguing with his brother, and that evening when he took down the basketball ring and threw it in the trash.

He spent a whole year living here after the injury. Yoongi saw how his old man remained positive despite the pain over seeing his son struggle, how he worked hard to pay the medical bills, how he tried to make the house feel like the home he lost, even if Yoongi wasn’t sure that was possible, only because you were no longer in it, and there’s really no one to blame but him.

Things got relatively better though. After he fully recovered physically and got to save enough by helping the stores in the area digitize and selling some of his prized NBA jerseys, he moved out and rented a tiny studio apartment. He continued to help his dad at the shop, expanding its services for more income stream while also doing freelance work online. It was mentally tiring, but it helped his mind be preoccupied with things. Perhaps that’s what got him talking to his friends again; it’s what got him to go out and find other ways of moving on from all the pain that he chose to carry by himself.

It’s a Friday when Yoongi visits his old house with some groceries he bought. He got a huge payout in one of the projects he worked on and he’s been slowly paying off his dad by buying the essentials and medication, as his old man insists that there’s no debt to be paid; it’s his job to look out for his son, after all. 

“Hey, dad,” Yoongi greets as he walks into the kitchen.

“Hey, son,” his dad replies, scooping them bowls of stew for dinner, a routine they’ve both developed after Yoongi moved out. 

They proceed to eat, with him staring blankly down the hallway like he sometimes still does. It hasn’t been a good couple of weeks and he’s just been waiting for the next big project that would help him keep his mind off things again.

“So an old friend was in town this week and we went to this local bar,” his dad says. “It’s nice. They have live music every Thursday. A-reum was the one playing last night.”

At the mention of her name, Yoongi stills for a bit, only to hum in response.

“I asked her how she’s doing and why she hasn’t passed by the shop in a while. Imagine my surprise when she said that you two have broken up. Two months ago. And I was the clueless father who didn’t know that his son was going through another heartbreak,” his dad continues. “What happened, son? You both seemed happy. You looked happy.”

“Shit happens,” Yoongi shrugs, not keen to talk about how much of a jerk he really is. It’s enough that he knows exactly what caused him to fall out of his feelings for her; he doesn’t really want to share that with anyone else.

His dad looks at him with a hardened gaze. It isn’t that he didn’t know about the breakup; it’s more about his son’s reaction to it, how he’s looking indifferent to it as if it’s not possibly hurting him right now. It’s choosing again to go through all this by himself. Even more, it’s the fact that A-reum seemed good for him. Yoongi was smiling again, laughing again; it wasn’t the same as before but it was better than the closed-off, broken version of him. 

“What happens?” The older man presses. “A fight that you didn’t want to fix? Remembering something from your old life and then shutting her out? Or was it because she wanted to chase her dreams and you let her leave you?”

If this was 2 years ago, Yoongi would’ve answered back. He would’ve argued that it wasn’t his old man’s place to accuse him like that, even if he has all the reasons to, given Yoongi’s track record. But instead, he just looks down, eyes sullen as he thinks of the night he told her that he no longer felt the same, and that it was better if they continued with their lives separately.

“That’s kind of out of line,” he replies, respectfully. 

His dad sighs, suddenly feeling guilty about making assumptions, especially when he knows how hard his son struggled, and how he worked just as hard to be better. 

“I’m sorry, son, I just—”

“It’s okay, dad. They’re not baseless accusations,” Yoongi interjects. They’re what happened with you, after all.

“I just… don’t want you to keep pushing away people who love you, who want to be there for you,” his old man says. “It’s an exhausting thing to do at such a young age. You’ve got so much life to live. You can’t be scared forever.”

“I know. It was my fault. There’s still a lot I still can’t let go of,” Yoongi explains, even if there are more reasons behind it. “But I don’t really want to talk about it. It’s hard, sure, but I can manage. You don’t have to worry. I promised I’d reach out if it gets too much.”

“Okay, then,” his dad concedes. It’s progress from before, if he’s being honest, and this is always better than having his son crying on his own and completely shutting everyone out. “How was your day then?”

Dinner continues without the tension from earlier. Both men even get a laugh in. Perhaps Yoongi’s just much better at compartmentalizing now, or maybe he’s picked up a few acting tips from you. But either way, it keeps his dad from asking more. Breaking up with his girlfriend because she reminds him so much of you isn’t exactly in the list of Yoongi’s proudest moments; he’d carry this thought in his grave if he has to.

His old man heads to the couch while Yoongi insists on cleaning up. He washes the dishes, throws out the trash, and organizes all the groceries he’s bought. By the time he joins his dad, he could already hear the snores from next to him. Yoongi lets him be, knowing it’s been a tiring week, and proceeds to watch the show that’s on TV.

It takes a while for him to register that it’s you on the talk show, along with your co-stars from a recently-concluded series where you starred in a supporting role. His dad watched the show religiously; he was probably waiting for this segment before he fell asleep. 

The cast consists of mostly veteran actors and you’re the youngest of them all, and so most of the questions addressed to you are about your feelings acting alongside people you look up to and if you felt any fear going into this project.

“Any time I star on a show is terrifying, only because I’m afraid to fail,” you answer. “It means so much to me to be given this chance and I have to tell myself that I can’t waste this opportunity. I only will if I let the fear take over, and that’s like betraying all my hard work, you know? I have to remind myself that I’m meant to take up this space. My agency, my friends, my colleagues - they all helped me get here. Giving in to the fear feels like I’m letting them down, too, and they don’t deserve that.”

The host seems in awe with your answers, so do your co-stars who pat you on the back and remark that you’ve always been very mature, that you’re a hard worker as much as you’re talented, and that they didn’t feel like you were new to the industry with how bold you were. 

You cover your face in amusement while they all look fondly at you. You have that smile on, the one where you’re a little embarrassed over being praised, but Yoongi can sense that you’re also a little emotional over hearing what your colleagues think of you. 

It’s the first time he’s watching you get interviewed and he’s a little emotional as well, seeing you get flustered but look proud. He listened to you talk about all these things - what shows you want to act in, which actors you want to work with, the attitude you want to bring into every project. You once told him that you admired him for being brave for dreaming, but he never got to tell you the same. He thinks you’re much braver than he ever would be. You loved him fiercely and certainly, after all, and he’d been the scared one who couldn’t do the same. 

He stands by his decision that letting you go meant he loved you too much to keep you suffering with him, but sometimes he can’t help but think that maybe he’d been greedy, that his love had been selfish, that his selflessness made him decide for the both of you, and that ultimately pulled you both apart. Seeing you in the same room with people you admire eases that thought a little bit, but it’s your words that hit him harder. 

What’s hard work if he doesn’t get to reap the benefits? Perhaps it’s one reason why the injury hurts more than just physically; it’s hard to explain how something so devastating can rip one’s soul, especially when he’d spent years molding his life around basketball only for him to lose his space in its world. 

It continues to pain him; he aches for the death of his dream. But it’s the people around him who suffered greatly because he’d given in to the fear of living life without the sport he’d loved greatly. You hurt the most because of it; his family and friends continue to see him without the light in his eyes anymore. He’d hate to think that everyone who’d supported him from when he was able, to when he was broken would think that they haven’t been enough. He’d only wanted to shield them all from how dark it was in his mind so only he gets to shoulder it; perhaps selflessness can actually be selfish, too. 

His thoughts are disrupted when your name is called again. The host asks what advice you could give to young aspirants who are just starting or have yet to put one foot on the door of this industry. 

“I’m just like them,” you chuckle, a little shy. “I’m still finding my way.”

“But you’ve at least done something,” the host says. “Hearing it from someone close to their age or someone they can relate with may resonate more with them than from the veterans who’ve been doing this for years.”

Your co-stars agree and encourage you to talk, so you take the mic and address the viewers.

“To the young ones in school training to become an actor, or doing this for fun, or exploring the possibility of doing this for a living, I’m telling you now, it’s not always gonna be easy nor glamorous,” you start. “It’s gonna hurt sometimes, you’ll face rejection; you might even feel like it may not be worth it. Remember that it’s all part of the ride. It’s pretty amazing most of the time, especially when you love and respect your craft. Just keep working hard and turn to the people who’ll dream your dream with you.”

Yoongi notices the way your smile fades a little, even more when you say the next words, as if they’re hurting you and giving you peace at the same time.

“But if it gets too much, remember that it’s okay to give up, too. That doesn’t make you weak nor a failure nor a coward,” you continue. “Giving something up decisively takes courage. And you worked hard. The people who love you will love you no matter what.”

A lone tear falls down Yoongi’s cheek. If he was being delusional, he’d think you meant to say the words to him. Maybe the guys still talk to you; perhaps they told you about how he’d stopped playing basketball altogether, how he doesn’t like watching or talking about it anymore, and how he’d given up any bit of dream related to it. And maybe that hurt you, too, and that’s why you’re saying this, perhaps hoping in some way, it will get to him.

He turns off the TV and walks to his room. It hits him when he looks around, the love he once displayed for the sport no longer there. The empty walls that used to be full of posters, the rusty shelf that used to house his trophies, the closet that was once filled with jerseys that he’d sold. He didn’t give it up decisively. He gave it up fearfully and helplessly, because as he looks at this place that’s devoid of what once was his dream, all he feels is pain and guilt. 

He misses the sport terribly, and being without it has hurt him more than anything.

Yoongi gets the posters he’d kept under his bed. Some of them have tears in them, most are crumpled. But he meticulously tapes and flattens them before posting them on his walls again, feeling his room come alive once more. He retrieves all his trophies from the big trash bag in the corner, taking each one out and placing them on the shelves. 

From inside his closet, he unfolds the 2 remaining jerseys he didn’t have the heart to sell - the MJ one that his mother left for him, and the Allen Iverson one that you got him for your anniversary. He hangs them inside, his fingers tracing the Sixers logo of the one from you, and he allows himself to remember how playing made him feel so happy and free. But more than anything, he lets himself remember the excitement he’d get whenever he watched the sport, whenever he’d talk about or analyze it, whenever he’d think about it, and then a smile graces his face. 

Not playing professionally may be an unrealized dream now. He’s in his late 20s with only a college career to be proud of. He’s accepted some time ago that his knee won’t be the same anymore, but he doesn’t need that to enjoy the sport. He still loves it whether he shoots the ball or watches someone else do it. 

As he looks around his room, he feels that bit of excitement once again, and all it took was an interview he didn’t intend to watch of the woman whose love he’ll always hold onto for him to realize that he doesn’t want to give all this up. It’ll always pull him back in. If he can’t let it go decisively, then he won’t do it at all, not when it’s what could get him back on his feet again, even if it’s what tore him apart in the first place. 

He pulls out his phone and texts his brother.

[To: Geumjae] Are you free in the morning? Can you go to the park with me to shoot around?

[To: Geumjae] I miss it. I think I’m ready

[From: Geumjae] Of course. I’ll drive out and see you tomorrow. 

[From: Geumjae] I’m happy for you. Love you.

Being back in his university’s basketball court makes Yoongi feel nostalgic. He spent 4 amazing years making this place his home. He’d had most of his best moments here, like the 3 championships he won with his team. It feels a little weird to be in here all those years later, no longer in the maroon and white jersey that he used to sport but in business casual clothes, as the team’s coach officially welcomes him to the team.

Right after he snapped out of a 3-year long pity party, he played for the first time with his brother. He definitely missed the feel of the ball in his hand and the sound of the net swooshing when he shoots. He still got it, his brother had said, and it felt good to hear it. He wouldn’t deny that he can still shoot pretty well, but he was also practical enough to know that he couldn’t sustain it. His knee still feels stiff at times - a normal occurrence as the doctor had told him - and he’d get tired more easily, but the joy came back. The fear didn’t. 

After that, Yoongi went back to watching basketball again, from the NBA to the national and university leagues. He discovered the online space for sports analyses, and he got sucked into its world. He’d comment on articles constantly and make his own, and he’s glad he did because it’s what ultimately landed him this job. One of his former coaches saw what he’d been saying and was impressed; Yoongi’s basketball IQ and unique way of looking at the game haven’t changed, the older man said. 

That was 5 months ago and so much has changed since then but he’s proud of how he got back on his feet. There’s a different type of drive now, as he watches the team scrimmage as part of their training. Seeing their passion and hunger for success is inspiring, and the thought of bringing home another crown for the school with them excites him. It’s a new aspiration, and he’ll work hard to make them experience what he experienced as a young player with all his hopes and his dreams. Maybe they could achieve what he couldn’t because if it wasn’t him, then it could at least be someone he helped mold.

One other change has been you, insofar as Yoongi finally watching your concluded series for the first time. His dad insisted, saying he’d watch again with his son since it’s a really good show, and not just because he adores you greatly. But Yoongi wanted his peace and chose to watch it on his own. 

He felt proud seeing you on screen. You’re made for it. Your charm and energy shine through and you express emotions so genuinely. He’d ignored his brother’s teasing that he might fall for you again, with Yoongi not wanting to acknowledge the possible truth to that. 

But you’re an actual celebrity now and he’s just him. He doesn’t know how your love life has been other than the rumors of you dating some actor or model, which your agency always denied. You’d said once that most of those are just PR stunts anyway and shouldn’t be believed, so Yoongi didn’t bother spending so much time thinking if you were with someone. If any, he just hoped it’s someone who trusts and respects you, and he’d be content with knowing that you’re happy, even if in the deepest cracks of his heart, he wished it was still him.

You haven’t really left his mind, if he’s being honest. His relationship with A-reum was proof of that, so is the fact that it was your interview that got him out of his self-destructive hole to restart. 

But it’s tonight out of all nights, when he pulls out the lone decent-looking jacket he has that he plans to wear to the meeting with the university faculty and sports director - which also happens to be something you got him years ago - that he thinks that maybe there’s a reason why he can’t completely move on from you. He tried and he honestly continues to, but it’s not easy when much of the happiness he remembers has you in it. You show up in his dreams sometimes, too, as if the universe is reminding him that he’s okay now, that he’s at least close to the man he once was and not just a shell of it anymore, and that maybe, you’d want to grab some coffee and see where things go.

It’s what prompts him to look up the details for your upcoming movie premiere so he could go. You worked on it the same time you were filming your series, and even if your name is one of the smallest ones on the poster as a supporting character, he already knows this is incredibly important to you. It’s your first movie, it seems, and he wants to be there to wish you luck and let you know he’s proud of you, and that if this is where your shared heartbreak led you, then he knows there’s no way he’d regret letting you go those years ago.

The woman staring back at you is someone you almost don’t recognize. Other than the glamorous champagne-colored dress that you’re wearing, there’s a smile that you haven’t seen in a long while, too. In over 3 years, to be exact. A heartbreak does that, you suppose. Your biggest supporting role in a series that wrapped up a few months ago felt too surreal for you, and you’d gone through the promotions for that feeling anxious; you barely had time nor energy to appreciate yourself nor the experience. 

You do now. After the praises for your performance then and the ones from your colleagues for this, you feel that you at least deserve to smile, that you can truly claim for yourself that you’re on the way to big things, even if you know you’re far from it. You’re the most junior out of the entire cast, after all, and you’re more like a supporting role to the supporting role. You’re in the credits, at least, and you got to act alongside some of the people you look up to once more.

It’s premiere night and that calls for a big event. Jimin, your newly-hired personal assistant slash stylist, knocks on your door to say that the car is ready. You exit your room and drive from your humble apartment to the venue, feeling giddy and nervous. 

“Looks like there are lots of fans tonight,” Jimin says from the passenger seat, getting news from his phone. “There’s a long line inside and outside. I heard it’s a packed cinema, too.”

“Well, it’s Song Hye-kyo. What do you expect?” You giggle. “When she’s your lead, there’s bound to be a score of fans. But that’s good for me, right? They’re there for her. I’ll just be fading into the background and no one will even notice.”

“Why would you want that?” Jimin looks at you curiously.

“You know why.”

Your unsure smile informs him of the reason and he understands. It’s gonna be tricky but you decided to not hide anymore starting tonight. You want that freedom, and you want it soon.

“But also, I’m still not used to it,” you continue. “It’s my first movie and I’m just a small part of it but it’s all still new to me. I don’t want people’s attention if it’s me looking overwhelmed, you know?”

“You’re gonna be fine, ___,” Jimin assures you. “You at least still look pretty when you look like that.”

“Hmm, that’s oddly encouraging,” you chuckle, seeing the scores of fans in the lobby before your driver heads straight to the VIP parking. 

Jimin opens the door for you and leads you through the entrance. “Blow them away with your beauty, okay? I’ll see you shortly.”

You’re led towards a waiting room for the lesser-known actors, which you don’t mind. The big-name ones have their own and you’ll probably only speak with them during the afterparty later.  Right now, you’re talking with your co-stars while getting a retouch of your makeup, and it helps ease your worries a bit. All you need to do is walk out to the red carpet with them and hope that the people at least cheer for you. You can worry about how you fared in the movie later on.

It’s an hour later when it starts. You walk towards the doors that exit to where the hosts and crowd are, already hearing their cheers as you wait. There’s 6 of you and cheers erupt when your names are called. You all walk out and wave at them, definitely overwhelmed by the camera flashes and shrieks of the people but you remain calm and professional, smiling the entire time and  greeting them calmly. It’s more than you expected and you’re just happy to be experiencing this for the first time. It’s a moment you definitely won’t forget, and you’re glad you can at least share this with someone right after.

Your group is briefly interviewed before you’re led out to the other side to go back to the waiting room; you’ll all go to the cinema in an hour after all the actors have been introduced and interviewed. You take a detour, though, knowing you can’t really wait any longer. All the fans are inside the hall, waiting for the big stars to come out so the hallway leading to one of the building exits is empty. It’s accessible to the public but you already know that no person in their right mind would be here, so it’s the perfect spot. 

You enter and wait only a few minutes before you hear your name being called. Turning around, you see him, and you feel even more excited. 

“You looked gorgeous out there,” Min-kyu greets as he hugs you right away. 

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you giggle in his ears. “Thank you. Did I stutter?”

“Nope, you sounded great, too,” he chuckles, taking your hand. “I’m really proud of you. I’m happy I get to be here, and that we could decide on this together. I can’t have people linking you with someone else again when I’m right here.”

“You mean when I’m right here,” you tease, seeing as he’s the one always being rumored to be with some model. You place his hands on your waist as you continue. “It won’t be so hard anymore after tonight.”

“Okay. Well then, I don’t want to keep you,” he responds. “Someone might see us. But I’ll sneak in next to you in the cinema, alright?”

“Got it,” you smile giddily. “I’ll see you in a bit.” 

You kiss him goodbye and assure him that you’ll see him shortly. 

It’s the sound of a door closing that alarms you, breaking you out of your little bubble with the man you’ve been cozying up with for the past 7 months. It’s perhaps your longest relationship, if you could even categorize the previous ones as such. Andrew was a 3-month long fling, Ki-yong was a half-year on-off whatever, and Min-kyu has been the only one so far that you haven’t had any issues with. You’re unsure for how long it’s gonna last, but one reason why you don’t want to keep hiding anymore is because he gets linked to any woman he so much as says hi to. If whoever walked in your little PDA just now decides to do something about it before you do, then the timing wouldn’t be too far apart. 

“Do you think someone saw us just now?” You ask.

“If anyone did, we’re too far for them to take any photos,” he reasons. “If they saw anything, there wouldn’t be any proof. But that won’t matter much after tonight, yeah?”

“I guess so,” you smile. “But they’re gone, so let’s go.”

You head out separately after fixing yourself, the giddy feeling from his kiss evaporating once you’re back in your world, knowing you’ll reunite with him again later. It’s a good distraction more than anything, as your mind wanders for a millisecond how it would be like if someone else were here with you, celebrating your first movie together. But that’s not your life anymore. This is. You’d like to think it’s a hundred times better than the one you left behind.

Yoongi stares at the door he’d just walked out of after seeing you in another man’s arms, something he didn’t intend to witness.

He’d seen you walk down the red carpet then proceed to the left, and he’d been too far out to catch up to you. It’s a Song Hye-kyo movie so he knows that everyone’s gonna be waiting for her, and it’s probably why the path towards one of the hallways is empty. He doesn’t know what he was thinking following you, and looking back now, he’s unsure why he thought coming to your movie premiere without you knowing was even a good idea. But after feeling stupidly hopeful that something could come out of him showing up after letting you go, he decided to come, to drive from Daegu, dress up nicely, and be swift enough to go after you before security takes him away. 

He does see you. With your arms around a man who makes you laugh and clearly makes you happy. He looks like that actor who’s being rumored with a bunch of different women, but it seems like he’s locked on you. Yoongi could only hope he isn’t cheating on you or anything; that would be worse than what he’s feeling right now, and he’s feeling pretty terrible. And stupid. 

Even more as he looks at the bouquet of daisies he’s holding, something that he planned to give to you to celebrate your first movie premiere. It’s probably the plainest flower out there and there are definitely more that would suit you, like dahlias and marigolds and roses - all breathtakingly beautiful and deserving of being at the center of everything just like you are. 

But he’d noticed those years ago how your eyes always turned to daisies whenever you entered a flower shop. Anyone would miss it, but Yoongi’s attention is on you a lot of the time, and he’s seen your gaze linger on it, especially as they’re placed as supporting decor to a grand arrangement. He thinks it’s perhaps your way of wishing for a simple life behind all this glamor, and that somewhere in your heart, you desire someone who could give you something just as simple, perhaps someone like him. 

It’s why he decided to pass by the fanciest flower shop he could find earlier and get this, so he could tell you that you could achieve whatever it is you dream of, no matter how big or small, how grand or simple. And that no matter how high you go, he’ll always be rooting for you in every way he can. 

It doesn’t seem right to still be giving this to you, he thinks, but then again, it’s not like he expected to get back together just because he decided to show up unannounced on what is a big day for you. He won’t deny that he didn’t think about it, though, but he really just wanted to catch up, maybe tell you that you helped him get back on his feet. And that he’s incredibly proud of you, and that he believes you’ll just get better and bigger from here. 

But as the scene of you looking happy with another man who could probably give you much more than he ever could replays in his mind, Yoongi is reminded that it’s not his place anymore, that he does not have a place in your life anymore. He made that call when he broke things off, and he doesn’t have the right to ask you for anything else after that. Even if it’s just your time. 

So he walks out of the hall and into his car where he stays for a good half hour, trying to figure out what to do. He eventually decides to still give it, without the burden on you knowing it’s from him. 

And that’s what he does, as he waits at your agency building lobby the next morning for the reception to clear the flowers. He’d spent the night at a hostel and was close to just throwing it and forgetting this whole thing even happened, but he braved through it until he’s unable to back out now.

“No card?” The man asks.

Yoongi looks at the piece of cardboard that he took out right before he gave the bouquet.

I’m so proud of you, ___. So much time has passed and I’m doing better. I can see that you are, too. I was in the city and thought, for old time’s sake - would you like to grab some coffee?

He slips it in his pocket and answers, “no card. But could you write ___’s name on the envelope?”

The man hums in agreement. “And who do I say this is from?”

“I’d like to remain anonymous.”

The man looks at him warily before he nods and writes your name as the only indicator that it’s for you. No other message and no trace of the sender. 

“Okay, all good.”

“Thank you,” Yoongi says, walking out the building to head to his car and drive back to Daegu. 

He decides to eat at a nearby convenience store, and that’s when he sees the news that confirms everything he saw last night. 

Rumors no more: Actors Kim Min-kyu and ___/___ confirm 7-month relationship.

Yoongi reads the headlines over and over again, the scene from last night haunting him once more. He doesn’t know why he thought that still giving you the flowers, even anonymously, was a good idea, even more now that you’ve been dating this man for longer than he imagined. 

You’ve been that happy for 7 months now. It doesn’t seem right to still insert himself like that. 

He rushes towards the agency again to try to retrieve the bouquet and take it all back. He’s at the end of the street, a sprint away from the building but then he stops at the sight of you exiting. With the flowers in your arms. 

There’s that crinkled smile of yours that he’s missed so much. You’re looking at the daisies with such softness, like you’re truly appreciating it, and Yoongi’s heart melts at the sight. You may not know it’s from him and perhaps that’s the best part, but it’s the thought that you seem to really like it, especially when a blond-haired man stands next to you and hands you a bouquet of roses, which you smell and smile at before returning it to him. You cradle the daisies, shrugging when you try to retrieve a card that isn’t there, and Yoongi’s relieved that of all the stupid things he’s done the past 12 hours, leaving the card out was the smartest thing he did.

A car arrives and you enter, leaving Yoongi still at the end of the street to watch you drive away, perhaps out of his life for good, at least until your next premiere where he’ll probably give you the flowers again. 

He hopes that with them, you get to feel the care he has for you that never withered, that on your lowest days, you think of the admirer who believes that your love for daisies is something that matters.

Your car disappears from his sight. He resigns to this next new life without you - the one where you’re happy where you are and he’s trying to be. He’ll admire you from afar until he gets to move on from you completely. 

Series Masterlist

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#yoongi fic #yoongi angst #yoongi fluff #yoongi smut #yoongi x reader #yoongi fanfic #yoongi x you #yoongi fanfiction #min yoongi #bts suggestive #yoongi series

[cherryrainn]

the perfect pair {onceler x reader}

.2| 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫 |

warning; s3lf harm, self-hatred, depression, mental health issues, etc, and A LOT OF ANGST!!

wattpad ver

song to play while reading if you'd like that i think matches this chapter

part before

next part

you stirred from your slumber as the faint buzzing of your phone invaded the peaceful morning air. with groggy eyes and a slight stretch, you reached out and grasped the device, bringing it closer to your face. as you swiped to accept the incoming call, a familiar voice washed over you, instantly drawing your attention and dispelling any remnants of drowsiness.

with a sleepy voice, you answered the call, feeling a spark of energy surge through you at the sound of his warm and friendly tone. "good morning," onceler greeted, his voice wrapping around you like a comforting blanket. "you must have been tired last night. i didn't wake you up, did I?" you couldn't help but chuckle softly, the sound carrying a mix of amusement and contentment. "kinda... it's okay. it's early, but i'm feeling pretty refreshed now."

"great, i'm glad to hear that," he replied, his voice filled with a sense of genuine happiness. "so, are you up for a little chat today?" you let out a contented grunt, a mix of agreement and a pleasant stretch escaping your lips. "of course. what is it that you wanted to talk about?" you asked, eagerly awaiting his response, curious to see where the conversation would lead.

"well, i was thinking you should come over now," onceler suggested eagerly, his voice carrying a hint of excitement. "get some fresh air, exercise, that sort of thing. i was thinking we could go for a walk. the area i live in has some really pretty trees." you nodded, the idea of being outside and surrounded by nature appealing to you. "yeah, huh? sure. i'll be there soon after i finish getting dressed," you replied, feeling a surge of motivation to start the day with a purpose.

onceler proceeded to give you detailed directions to his place, and you listened attentively, mentally mapping out the route in your mind. hanging up the phone, you couldn't help but feel a sense of anticipation and joy bubble within you. having a scheduled activity with someone who genuinely wanted your company brought a much-needed spark to your day.

with a renewed sense of energy, you rose from your bed and turned on the television, filling the background with familiar noise as you prepared a quick meal of ramen. savoring the warm noodles and slurping the savory broth, you felt a comforting sense of nourishment both physically and emotionally. as you finished your meal, you moved about your apartment, tidying up and putting on your shoes, readying yourself for the outing ahead.

keys in hand, you took a final look around your familiar surroundings, locking the door behind you. the anticipation of meeting onceler and embarking on this adventure together filled your heart with a mix of excitement and curiosity. the day held promises of discovery and shared experiences, and you couldn't wait to step outside and embrace the possibilities that lay ahead.

eager anticipation coursed through your veins as you stepped out into the cool morning air. inhaling deeply, you felt the refreshing breeze invigorate your senses, awakening you to the world outside. each step you took along the sidewalk, the gravel beneath your shoes emitted a satisfying crunch, marking your progress towards your destination.

as you arrived at the designated spot, a gasp escaped your lips involuntarily. the scenery before you unfolded in breathtaking beauty, just as onceler had described. the trees stood tall and proud, their branches adorned with vibrant and whimsical leaves, creating a kaleidoscope of colors against the backdrop of the light blue sky. it truly felt like stepping into a fairytale, where imagination and reality intertwined seamlessly.

your gaze meandered across the landscape, taking in the enchanting sight. but then, your attention was captured by a peculiar sight—a lone tree stump standing amidst the grandeur. frowning, you examined the rocks scattered around it. how could anyone cut down such a lovely thing?

"y/n!" a familiar voice called out, causing you to turn and search for its source. your eyes landed on onceler, who was waving enthusiastically in your direction. with a smile, you made your way over to him, reciprocating the wave.

"you weren't lying when you called this place pretty," you remarked as you reached his side, taking in the breathtaking scenery around you.

"yeah, it is. i could stay here forever. this place is beautiful," onceler replied, his eyes sparkling with genuine awe and admiration. you nodded in agreement, appreciating his shared sentiment. 

just as you were about to continue your conversation, a voice suddenly called "who's this!?", causing you to turn in surprise. searching for the source of the voice, you found no one in sight, until you heard a snap. "down here, toots," the voice chimed in again. you looked down to find an unusual sight—a small orange creature with a yellow mustache standing before you.

"what the hell?" you exclaimed, taken aback by the unexpected presence of this peculiar being. glancing at onceler, you noticed his awkward smile, which indicated that he was well acquainted with this colorful character. "i said, who's this? are you friends with beanpole?" the creature inquired, his voice filled with curiosity. a soft chuckle escaped your lips at the playful nickname he had given onceler. "uh... yes! i am, matter of fact," you replied, extending a friendly smile.

introducing yourself as y/n, you braced yourself for more questioning from the eccentric creature. "you aren't here to cut down any trees, are ya?" he interrogated, a hint of suspicion in his voice. feeling a surge of defensiveness, you quickly reassured him, "no way! of course not!" satisfied with your response, the creature nodded approvingly. "okay then, i'm the lorax, guardian of the trees," he proclaimed, asserting his role. he made clear that if you were planning to stay in this area, he would keep a close eye on you. with that, the lorax turned around, striding away towards a log where he settled down.

"well..." you turned to onceler, standing right next to you. "you live here, right? have you always been here, or...?" you tilted your head curiously, eager to learn more about his background.

"nope! i just moved here," onceler replied with a cheerful smile, his eyes lighting up with excitement. "and i'm workin' on selling something called... a thneed! come with me, and i'll show you!" his enthusiasm was contagious, and you eagerly followed him towards his cozy home, curious to see what this mysterious thneed was all about.

once inside, onceler proudly presented his creation to you. the thneed lay before you, a versatile and peculiar-looking item. "oh...! what does it do?" you inquired, your confusion evident.

"ohoho! it'll change the world, y/n!" onceler exclaimed, his voice filled with pride. "it has a million uses! it can be worn as a swimsuit and used to clean floors!" he swiftly demonstrated its floor-cleaning abilities, skillfully removing a dirt spot with the thneed in hand.

"a-a-ah! but wait, there's more!" onceler continued, his excitement growing. "the thneed is extremely absorbent due to its all-natural microfibers!" he proceeded to showcase its absorbency by plunging the thneed into a cup of water, you watched it effortlessly soak up every single drop.

"and... it also works as a hat!" onceler exclaimed, playfully tossing the thneed onto your head. you quickly yanked the wet thing off, chuckling at the unexpected moment. "wow... that's really cool, onceler!" you exclaimed, genuinely impressed by the ingenuity and versatility of his creation.

it took you a moment to process the revelation that the fabric of the thneed was sourced from the truffula trees. you looked at onceler, feeling stunned by the realization. "did you... cut down a tree to make this?" you asked.

onceler nodded, acknowledging his past actions. "i did," he admitted, his expression displaying remorse. sensing your concern, he quickly added, "but hey, hey, hey! that was a one-time thing! i've learned my lesson, and i'll never do it again."

you let out a sigh of relief, appreciating his change of heart. "oh, alright then..." you responded, grateful that he understood the importance of preserving the natural world.

curiosity sparked within you as you pondered the future of onceler's venture. "when are you gonna start selling?" you inquired, genuinely interested in seeing his plans come to fruition.

"soon, I hope," onceler replied, a glimmer of anticipation in his eyes. he sat down on his bed and patted the space next to him, inviting you to join. understanding the unspoken invitation, you took a seat beside him, finding comfort in his presence.

his enthusiasm couldn't be contained as he leaned closer, sharing his thoughts eagerly. "hey, do you work?" he asked, his voice filled with anticipation.

you shook your head, indicating that you didn't currently have a job. observing his widening smile, you couldn't help but feel a sense of hope emanating from him. "well... i know we just met and all, but i really believe this is gonna take off! and when it does, let's, like... work together!" he proposed, his words filled with genuine excitement.

you glanced at him, taking a moment to consider his proposition. lost in your thoughts, you looked down at your hands, a frown forming on your face. "are you crazy? onceler, we barely know each-"

he cut you off, taking your hands in excitement "yeah, duh! but, who cares! it's fun, you have nothing to do, you don't work so we can just hang out.. like, for a while!"

a wave of uncertainty washed over you as you questioned whether it was the right decision to embark on this journey with someone you had just met. you didn't want to burden onceler with your own struggles and disappointments in life. sighing softly, you felt a sense of sadness enveloping you.

"i'm really sorry, onceler, but i'm just not sure about this..." you confessed, your voice tinged with a hint of regret. you looked up at him, hoping he would understand your hesitations.

his face fell, and the sight of his disappointment tugged at your heartstrings. in that moment, you couldn't bear to see him so upset. "actually, i change my mind. i'm down," you declared, definitely not being down. his confusion was evident as he questioned your sudden change of heart. "what?" he asked, seeking clarification.

you shook your head, a smile breaking through the doubt. "i mean, i'm in. i'm in. let's do this," you affirmed, a newfound sense of optimism blooming within you. the thought of embarking on this adventure together filled you with a mixture of anticipation and hope.

the expression on onceler's face shifted from confusion to joy, and he couldn't contain his excitement. he jumped up and pulled you into a tight hug, momentarily catching you off guard. flinching slightly, you became aware of the self-inflicted wounds on your body, reminders of your coping mechanisms during difficult times.

day after day, week after week, and month after month, your friendship with onceler blossomed, you two were basically the bestest of friends now. he proved to be a kind and caring person, always showing genuine interest in your life and asking thoughtful questions. it felt both comforting and unsettling to have someone care about you in such a way. after years of feeling isolated and unimportant, the idea of being valued by someone else seemed odd to you.

sitting under a majestic truffula tree, you found comfort from the pouring rain. the droplets cascaded from the leaves above, creating a soothing melody as they hit the ground. the world around you was enveloped in a serene tranquility, as if time had momentarily paused.

as you sat there, your mind wandered, contemplating the complexity of your emotions. while onceler's friendship brought joy and warmth to your life, there was a lingering doubt within you. the notion of someone caring for you so deeply didn't align with your previous experiences and self-perception. it felt almost unnatural, as if it couldn't possibly be true.

lost in your thoughts, you gazed into the rain-soaked surroundings, grateful for this moment of solitude. the absence of any visible presence, including the lorax, onceler, and the barbaloots allowed you to reflect on your journey and the changes that had taken place. it was just you, the towering truffula trees swaying in the wind, and the gentle patter of raindrops against the leaves.

the rain continued to pour, soaking your clothes and drenching your hair, but you didn't mind. the cool droplets mingled with the tears that welled up in your eyes, a mix of gratitude and uncertainty. 

"hey!" you hear the lorax's voice call out, and you frantically search for its source. eventually, you spot him perched on a branch above, his bright orange figure contrasting against the gray sky. following his pointed finger, you see a log nearby, and he invites you to sit. with a heavy sigh, you comply, seeking comfort in the presence of this curious creature.

"what're y' doin' out here, kid? it's cold, wet, n' gray," the lorax questions, concern evident in his voice. you lower your gaze, feeling a mix of vulnerability and relief in his directness. "i wanted to be alone," you admit softly, allowing yourself to be honest with this unlikely confidant.

the lorax hops off the tree and joins you on the log, his small stature emphasized in contrast to your own. he looks at you intently, his bushy eyebrows furrowed in genuine concern. "you look... down. somethin' wrong? beanpole do somethin' to ya?" he asks, referring to onceler. with a shake of your head, you clarify, "no, it's not him. It's just... everything. i'm scared, you know? scared that good things won't happen. i'm tired of the constant struggle, of feeling... bad. it's like i don't even like myself, and i can't imagine anyone else genuinely liking me either."

as you speak your truth, the weight of your emotions becomes palpable. the lorax remains silent for a moment, seemingly processing your words. his wise eyes, hidden behind his bushy mustache, convey understanding beyond his years. he reaches a small hand out and pats your knee gently, a gesture of compassion that offers solace amidst your turmoil.

"kid, i understand. it ain't easy," the lorax begins, his voice gentle yet filled with conviction. "but listen here, you're not alone in this. life can be tough, no doubt about it, but you're stronger than you think. sometimes, the nicest things come from the unlikeliest of places, and maybe, just maybe, the same goes for people."

his words hang in the air, resonating within your troubled heart. there's a glimmer of hope in his wisdom, a possibility that amidst the grayness, there exists a spectrum of colors waiting to be discovered. the lorax leans back against the log, a quiet strength emanating from him.

"y'know, i've seen this world change. i've seen trees fall and new ones grow. i've seen people come together t' make a difference," he shares, his voice filled with both nostalgia and determination. "Aand maybe, just maybe, you can make a difference too. start by believing in yourself. start by being kind to yourself. the rest will follow."

you take a deep breath, absorbing the lorax's words like a soothing balm to your wounded spirit. 

the lorax's hand finds its way to your shoulder, providing a comforting squeeze. "whatever it is, kiddo, we'll get through it together. i'm here for you, and so is beanpole, and so are all the little guys running around this place," he reassures you, his observant eyes catch a glimpse of your hidden emotions, and he senses there is more left unsaid. without hesitation, he gently grips your shoulders, his concern evident in his furrowed brow. 

"is there anythin' else you wanna tell me?" he inquires, his tone gentle yet persistent. you shake your head, a mix of hesitation and longing in your eyes. while there's much you yearn to share, now is not the time. his shoulders slump slightly, his expression reflecting a tinge of disappointment. "you don't gotta tell me nothin'. i'm sorry, kid," he sighs, his voice tinged with regret. "don't worry about it," you offer him a reassuring smile, appreciating his understanding and respecting your boundaries.

"let's change the topic, let's talk about the boy you met, those couple of months ago," the lorax suggests with a mischievous grin, redirecting the conversation towards a lighter subject. you can't help but blush at his prompt, feeling a mixture of excitement and uncertainty swirl within you. "onceler?" you confirm, seeking clarification, and the lorax nods affirmatively. "yeah, whatcha' think about him? y' like him?" he playfully probes.

your cheeks flush deeper, betraying your fondness for the subject at hand. "i... i don't know. he's a really sweet guy, and he's so interesting to talk to. we can spend hours chatting," you confess, a genuine warmth seeping into your voice. "but, he's also incredibly cute, and he has this infectious smile. but, he's just so... tall! i mean, i feel like a tiny speck around him," you chuckle, realizing the comical contrast in size between you and onceler. the lorax joins in your laughter, his joviality contagious. "i feel ya. it sounds like you're in love, y/n. yhe way you just spoke about him... adorable," he teases, his eyes twinkling mischievously.

your blush deepens, and you playfully protest, "can we not talk about this anymore? me and him are just friends okay? nothing more." the lorax smirks, thoroughly enjoying his playful role in the conversation. "nope, not until ya' tell me how much ya' love him," he quips, delighting in your blush. you release a heartfelt sigh, uncertain about the complexity of your emotions. love? were you really in love? the question swirls in your mind, intermingling with insecurities and self-doubt. after all, how could you love someone else when you struggled to love yourself?

#the onceler #greedler #the greedler #the lorax #reader insert #x reader #onceler x reader #greedler x reader #angst #fluff #mental health #tw s3lf harm #romance #onceler #reader x character #y/n #once-ler #mental health issues

[shiny-miltank]

why hello old friends, you’ve found me once again (it wasn’t a secret really lol). to start off myello. sorry for disappearing off the Mewcrew blog. It gets all kinda wordy so it’s under a readmore.

Long story short I suffered from a mental Illinois(tm) spiral of depression, work exhaustion, undiagnosed/untreated adhd and big time imposter syndrome + burnout. Zoom into today I’ve been in therapy for my big time sads with some new perspectives and management, got some adhd meds, my job quit on me (long story) so now I’m slinging it freelance artist style and seeing how it goes, and back with family cause living alone was expensive and very Not Good for my brain it turned out. Still working on new changes and learning about the anxious smorgasbord up in the head.

Now there’s still no guarantee? That Mewcrew stuff is going to come back in full force like it did. Im still trying to like it again cause I do miss them. It took a long time and effort just to draw them for the wips I got going in the bg after like the three years leaving. Tbh the blog became something I didn’t want and instead of casual, low effort, funny not serious Just Roomates on misadventures in a pink void comic it became long hours of planning and plotting and rendering and feeling it wasn’t enough with my nasty soup of brain ick continuing to make me feel bad for not keeping up with a constant pace and comparing my work to the artists around me (again it was my brain funguses making reality hard-no one else. The artists around me back then were legit the nicest peeps around-still are). I’m also still really nervous and anxious around big communities that seemed to have sprung up HELLO ALL OF YOU LOL. I remember when it was just three of us xD And I still have to sit with my imposter syndrome and understanding I have things to offer that people do want to see and to stop anxieties from comparing my work to others.

So for now if I am posting Mewcrew stuff it’s mostly going to be here on my main from now on and not an individual blog (me figuring it’s just a lot of effort to keep up with so many blogs and logins, I think any new project or direction I go is just gonna be slapped on my main from now on. The less effort the better for my energy.). It’ll be sporadic and in a much different direction that was more akin to what I wanted it to be and much more casual comedy (or my flat sense of humor-I’ll laugh at knock knock jokes fr) slice of life with very little, even parody “plot”. And most of it until im comfortable with releasing complete mewcrew/mewtwo content will be on my patreon with again spurts of it here on tumblr and on my other socials. And if any of you come into my inbox saying I’m paywalling my own content AGAIN I will come for your kneecaps no joke you are NOT entitled to my work ESPECIALLY when this is now my main form of income. Anything on my patreon is /extra/ and early works and for peeps who choose to/want to and or capable of supporting me. That was literally the final straw that made me take a step out way back then: there’s still somebody behind the screen please remember that. This is just for my anxieties and getting comfortable with my characters again at a slow pace👍 I do miss everyone I use to interact with and want to be part of the bigger community here that’s sprouted up. Just gotta walk slowly with my social anxiety and other things first.

Thanks for reading and choosing to stick around if you do!

#lechetxt #lots of brain soup problems here #but hello again pals 👋 it’s been awhile! #and hello to new folks 👍

[calisources]

I think I own people some explination. I know some of you noticed I no longer put the whole part of free psd in my psds (ask me for the download and all), this is because this blog and what I do here is my only source of income at the time being.

I'm not fit to work properly because of my medical mental health and an attempted s*icide last year in november after my birthday. so i'm starting again on therapy, both psychologist and psychiatrist plus medication for depression and anxiety. this is why I'm doing mostly paid content. still, I think the prices are accesible, mainly because less than 3 dollars would leave me with nothing.

so for example, when someone buys a psd of 3 dollars this is what i get:

so almost a dollar less. this is why i can't lower the price. i hope you can all understand, i have many debts including my degree as a teacher, my braces which i need until June give or take, my medical bills and so on. I'll still give free downloads if you approach me nicely, but until I can get some funds, this is going to be my blog.

So sorry if I cause anyone any troubles. I know a lot of people liked and enjoyed the free download and i intend to go back to that eventually.

#( calinarnia : welcome . ) #suicide mention tw #mental health tw

[pshattuck]

Hello everyone so this is going to be a pretty big blog about the upcoming future of my life as a artist. So to try to shave off some time I will be copying and pasting the Twitter thread I made to here.

Startiiiing now:

“Hey everyone I got another update for you and it’s probably gonna sound like “she’s changing shit again” but I feel like a lot has been going on in my life and a lot of it is changing too and I think I discovered something about me and my artwork that I feel like is important.

The reason I started pumping out content before this new job I got was well after I lost my old caregiving job YouTube and commissions were my only source of income for the last 6 month and I honestly was making enough for bills at that point it was my family keeping me afloat.

So yeah, life was not kind to me and I got.. well extremely depressed. I kept applying and no one was accepted them the one job I wanted I did not get and I was lucky to just get by. My brain all the time for the past few months kept saying I was a failure Until I got lucky.

I just got done with shadowing and orientation and I’m now officially working at a job that yeah can be stressful but I fully enjoy. I’m feeling happy and I’m finally healing from this dark cloud that’s following me. And with this month coming to an end I realized something.

Growing up my art was the one thing that kept me happy it was my happiness from real life issues and it got me to meet the love of my life along with great people in online community’s. However, the more it became a stressor to live off my art… the less it made me happy.

Not to mention the reason I shared my art to begin with because even if it was cringe or my art was not the best in the past … I always loved to see people enjoy it. It killed me to ask people to give me money to draw for them. It’s just not me.

I allowed a online algorithm, and a few words from a small handful of people to make me second guess what I loved to do, I allowed money to make me decide what I should work on…I realized I secretly hated myself for it.

This new opportunity in my life is why I’m writing what I am today and it’s my own choices and it’s one I’m actually happy with.

Everything I draw will be free to view I’m going to build it up on Tapas and Tumblr just for the multiple image support plus they have better age restriction on there platforms because I’m a adult and do want to dabble in NSFW stuff.

The one animation I have on sale in my store I will be making it free to view. For the amazing person who did buy the pack I will be dming them so once my paycheck comes, they will be refunded.

And now for the big thing.

The next few months I will be saving my own money and working on Concept Art for the next few months along with working on comics because by next year I want to work and pay people to help me bring my comics to life as animated projects.

The first project will more then likely be Jackie’s Everyday Adventure because it has the least amount of characters and backgrounds and will dabble in the form of 3D animation. This will be a strictly animated series with some rewrites from the original comic version.

Homebrew… is honestly the biggest project since there is over 30 chapters and I’m not even halfway done writing scripts. I won’t Even considering working on animating that until at least chapter 10 is out.

Everything else will be explained over on Tumblr that will be where I blog about my projects since there’s not as tiny of a character limit on there. Thank you all for reading this and I will link the full update on Tumblr and I will share a link to it on here.”

And now here we are on Tumblr!

The only thing I will be keeping for any financial support will be Ko-fi but that’s only if people want to, I’m not going to have anything locked behind a pay wall.

Commissions will no longer be open because I will just be doing art trades or request. Since my new job is full time I don’t need to worry about the stress of not finishing something quickly.

Physical print books are still gonna be a thing however not for a long while. Since my old client liked my original books ill be printing a small handful of copies of them so I can give them to her to read at the nursing home. And leftover copies will be for contest prizes.

YouTube on the other hand… I’m going to be honest I’m not sure if I truly will bring back Pshattuckproductions. The most fun I have had with YouTube was building up lunar comics. I will honestly be focusing on that channel in terms of any uploads.

So far this is all for now. So see you soon everyone.

#comics #art #deepinhomebrew #pshattuck #comic

[cellphonexddict]

TAMBRY DECENZO - - - - -

"yeah, the cemetery used to be fun; now it's just depressing."

GENERAL –

full name:  tambry tate decenzo.

nicknames:  just tambry. don't call her tambers.

age:  twenty-eight.

gender:  cis female.

species:  human.

eye color:  brown.

hair color: black with pink highlights.

height: five feet, five inches.

date of birth:  july second .

occupation:  vlogger & influencer.

positive traits: confident. techy. chill. adaptable. social. bold.

negative traits: apathetic. pessimistic. reckless. impulsive. phone obsessed. nosey.

HEADCANONS –

Tambry’s home life, in her own words, “majorly sucks.” Her parents were pretty middle of the road when it came to income, but they never actually acted like parents. Honestly they more so acted like teenagers. Maybe that’s where she got it from. They got into big blow outs all of the time, fighting and screaming at each other (especially when fueled by alcohol), only to make it all up to each other in the bedroom the next day. Much to Tambry’s disgust. Aside from this, they never really wanted a kid. Tambry was just the product of one of their frequent “apology sessions.” Ever since she was little, she was kind of just pushed aside. Never had any wholesome family memories. Never actually felt genuinely loved. Her parents would just occasionally buy her something in hopes that she would occupy herself not cause any issues. Naturally, having parents like this made Tambry act out a lot growing up until she ended up resenting them completely and avoiding them whenever possible. Her house in Gravity Falls is not a home to her, which is why she hung around Wendy’s so much. Nonetheless, it was a great place to throw parties when her parents were away.

The Gravity Falls gang is who Tambry considers her real family. Wendy especially is pretty much like a sister to her. The two were practically attached at the hip ever since they could ride tricycles. Their little group is full of weirdos, but they’re her weirdos. She goes along with their stupid shenanigans. Chanting to convince someone to do a stupid dare. Constantly filming their bizarre, spontaneous games they come up with. Tambry has all these amazing memories locked and loaded on her phone and on piles of SD cards. Crazy parties. Hilarious moments of reckless behavior. She loves looking back them, especially in her bed at the end of the day. Her friends fill a void that her family never did, and Tamrby is actually a little more sentimental than she’d ever let on. 

Tambry definitely has, as that one TikTok trend would put it, “scary dog privilege.” Girl’s got major RBF. It’s out of her control. She’s got this intimidating quality to her that can be a little off putting at first. She likes it though. Tambry’s not exactly built for the weak anyway. The girl is extremely blunt, even more so in her mass amounts of status updates. Her personal style only adds to all this. The bold, pink color in her hair. The dark eye makeup. The many ear piercings. She’s this unique blend of goth, emo and scene all wrapped up into one and toned down a bit. Not totally out there but definitely a head turner from the norm. Tambry started getting into this personal style of hers when she was young and experimenting with clothes and makeup. Once she realized it realllyyy pissed off her parents, she was sold.

This girl is not a great rule follower. Definitely on that “better to ask forgiveness than permission” type beat… except it’ll be a half-assed apology as opposed to a genuine one, but better than nothing, right? That’s how you get good content after all. How many people could say they broke in to a condemned, rumored to be haunted convenience store and had a food fight? Tambry can. Of course, she’s not usually the ring leader when it comes to dumb ideas like that, but she goes along for fun. She typically instigates smaller chaotic acts here and there and never operates alone when she does.

Tambry is surface-level judgmental. She’ll judge you point-blank to your face but won’t take it to heart. Most of the time she’ll just let it roll off her shoulder. “You’re so needy,” will still hang with you. “This is creepier than I expected,” still goes along with your bullshit. It’s one reason she’s able to get along with so many different types of people and social rankings to a certain extent. Don’t get her twisted, if you give her reason enough that judgment will sink down into her core. But her life is full of some pretty strange people, so she’s built some tolerance. Everybody’s weird.

#evermore intro #this graphic came out so bad i was lazy

[pearwaldorf]

This is the same as the previous post. I locked it down to prevent incorrect information about the circumstances of Damar Hamlin''s injury from spreading. Please keep reblogging.

(content notes: traumatic injury, head injury, gross negligence by a powerful organization)

Hey everybody,

I wanna talk about something really important. You might not follow sports or American football so it might not come up in your social feeds.

There was a game tonight between the Buffalo Bills and the Cincinnati Bengals. Bills player Damar Hamlin suffered cardiac arrest on the field. was hit extremely badly, enough that They did CPR on him for nine minutes. As of writing this (1/2/23 at 20:05 Pacific) he is at the hospital and not breathing on his own.

[edit 1/3/22] The Bills issued a statement saying Hamlin suffered cardiac arrest after I wrote this post. The rest still stands.

Even before Hamlin had made it to the hospital(!!!) the NFL called for the players to warm up in five minutes. The coaches said "ABSOLUTELY NOT" and refused.

It took the NFL an hour to officially cancel the game. Equipment operators were packing up before it was officially called.

So you may have heard about former NFL players with "chronic traumatic encephalopathy", or CTE. That's a medical way of saying "you got bashed in the head a lot and it fucked up your brain". 99% of former NFL players who donated their brains for research had it.

Here are some of the symptoms of CTE:

The team found that—whether the men’s brain changes were mild or severe—all experienced mood, behavioral, or cognitive symptoms associated with CTE. These included impulsivity, depression, apathy, anxiety, explosive rages, episodic memory loss, and problems with attention and higher order thinking. Nearly all donors whose brains were diagnosed with CTE (96%) experienced progression of their symptoms during life. Men found to have milder brain pathology died younger, at a median age of 44, and suicide was their leading cause of death. The men with more severe pathology died at a median age of 71. Their leading cause of death was dementia or trouble with movements like swallowing.

I'm telling you all this because some of you might think professional sports is a niche subject that doesn't affect your life. Or you think that athletes, like actors or other people who make much more money than you, are protected from exploitation by the amount of their income.

The average career of an NFL player is 3.3 years. Average salary is $2.7 mm. You don't need to do the math to see that's not exactly big bucks. Until I read that last article I did not know that the NFL has a pension plan. Also it's really not great. Additional detail?

The new CBA also outlined… a plan to establish a program that guarantees former players without insurance receive mental health services, orthopedic care, preventative care and other health interventions at no cost to the player.

For emphasis, because this is really important: THE NFL DID NOT HAVE A PLAN TO PROVIDE CARE FOR UNINSURED PLAYERS UNTIL 20-GODDAMN-22. A plan!! It hasn't even been established!!

No amount of money will make up for fucking up your physical and mental health. It especially will not if you don't have a healthy way to deal with those fuck-ups.

It is now nauseatingly crystal clear the NFL is another facet of the system that allows police to kill (Black men) with impunity. You do not treat people you think of as human this way. And because all this stuff is connected, we have to be aware of the ways people try to get us not to care.

I regret that it took Hamlin's terrible injury for me to understand this. The NFL's response is the reason I absolutely must remember it.

#damar hamlin #nfl

[charlypancakes]

why i haven't  been posting much recently...

hello everyone,

i hope you are all doing well! today i decided that i want to give you an update on what's going on at the moment ''behind the scenes''. as you may have noticed i have been very quiet recently and wasn't posting any work in project pictures or informed you on what kind of cc set is coming up next.

TRIGGER WARNING: in the following text i will talk about my mental health issues, which include the topics depression and anxiety.

please stop reading here if these topics can affect you in a negative way.

long story short: i started therapy this week (and will be at a psychatric day-care hospital for at least 4 weeks). so i have less time and energy to work at the moment and need to focus on my health first.

the past few days i was thinking a lot about how i would handle this situation and decided that i want to share this information with you because first of all i think that you as my supporters deserve to know and i also hope that this might be a sign for someone reading this to seek out for help as well.

so i started therapy on monday this week and will spend at least 4 weeks at a psychatric day-care hospital. for a long time i have been struggeling with anxiety and depression now which only got worse during the years of the pandemic. it comes and goes in phases and i am very lucky that i have my income from making custom content so i can work from home and scedule my productive days when i am feeling well.

the weeks before my therapy started i got very nervous again and was in a bad state not able to concentrate and work on my desk and on my current project which got so far that i was afraid of going online and check social media regularly and be active.

now that i spent a few days at the psychatric hospital i realised how much i have to learn to function well and to solve basic everyday tasks. this also includes developing a schedule for my work and managing tasks around this.

because i want to get back on track with my cc work but also want to concentrate on the therapy sessions as well, i will focus on the hospital time more and try to reflect on what i learned there before i try to get into my workflow in the afternoons.

i am incredibly thankful for my supporters and that i am able to take some time off at the moment without worrying about my financal situation too much!

in the upcoming weeks i can't promise you super regular updates on my current mental health state because as you possibly know social media can be quite stressful, too, but i will try my best to inform you on what's going on.

if you are in a similar situation at the moment, as i might have been before i got the nessecary strength to talk to family, friends and my doctor, i really hope that you are able to reach out for help as well. if you need someone to talk or if you have more questions about how i managed to talk to people around me about my issues, please let me know. my dm's are open for you! i just can't promise you that i will answer immediately.

thank you all so much for reading this!

please take care of yourself

lots of love,

charly

[pomellon]

I wanna talk about Sapnap being an empath demon and how his powers work in the centaur au, so here goes :D 

Sapnap is a fire/empath demon hybrid, so most noticeably he has fire magic, able to both summon and control it. If he’s using a lot of magic a pair of fiery horns will be summoned from the two black markings on his forehead (usually hidden under his bangs and bandana). He can also completely set himself ablaze in a type of berserk mod, but only for a few minutes and it leaves him weak and mostly immobile for up to a couple of days after.

He also has a few more abilities due to being an empath demon, mainly being able to sense the emotions of the creatures around him. This used to be quite distressing and overwhelming when he was younger, but he’s now able to dampen and heighten the emotional input he feels from others. He can also influence emotions slightly, but the base emotion needs to be there for him to alter it and it’s a slow, gradual increase or decrease. On top of that he can, or rather need to feed on emotions!

He still needs to eat normal physical food, but his emotional diet is just as important as he will grow lethargic and weak if he doesn’t feed. To Sapnap all the creatures around him have a unique flavour that alters slightly based on someone’s current emotions, sadness making them more bitter, excitement sourer, happiness sweeter, etc. Due to this he both has favourite people and emotions to feed from, but this is also where things get a little complicated.

While Sapnap could easily feed off the emotions of his friends, getting fed off has its consequences and/or perks. If an empath demon feeds off someone, that person will feel a spike of the emotion that is being leeched off, which could be distressing if the emotion is something like depression, but ecstatic if it’s something like happiness. This spike will last until the demon stops feeding, at which point the emotion will start to ebb away. Completely. The person will not be able to feel the emotion the demon has taken for a few days, which can be something positive or negative.

As young teens Sapnap once feed off Dream’s anxiety at Dream’s request, both for Sapnap to avoid starvation and in hopes that Dream would have an easier time protecting them. It worked, but it also made Dream incredibly reckless, ending with Sapnap getting injured by protecting the avian from his sudden cockiness and confidence that took the place of his previous worry and anxiety.

After that incident the two set up some rules for Sapnap’s feeding habits. Sapnap can feed from friends, but only in small amounts that don’t alter his friends’ emotional state completely. He’s only allowed to fully feed off an ally in an emergence where erasing an emotional state could help. He should never feed on sadness or depression as that could create an addiction to the person who’s been fed off, constantly going to Sapnap to feel happy and avoid working on their true emotional state. He’s not allowed to influence and boost positive emotions too often due to the same reasons.

Sapnap does however still need feed until he’s full and satisfied every couple of months, and while his friends are great snacks, they’re usually not enough with the small amount of emotions he can leech off them. This is where Sapnap’s main job and income comes in; underground pit fighting.

Most big cities and settlements will have illegal fighting arenas both to watch non-human creatures fight and to give the chance for overly-confident humans to try their strength against them. Sapnap takes full advantage of this, both for his love of fighting and his need to feed. His favourite emotional flavour is after all spiciness, which comes with feelings of annoyance, anger, and rage. Because of this Sapnap has grown a skill of taunting and frustrating his opponent, tricking them into a blind rage that he can easily win against and feed from to his heart’s content. 

He will take a trip to compete in these fights whenever needed, but usually schedules them around the same time Dream, George, and/or Sam need to visit cities or settlements to sell their farm items and goods, and to buy supplies. It’s a great way for Sapnap to keep himself fit and healthy, and also to contribute to the farm by taking home the victory pots.

#sapnap #c!sapnap #dsmp #dream smp #centaur au #centaur au lore #pom talks #also wanna talk about the importance of George being a human and how the dt met #but I will save that for later uvu

[chansaw]

hey. can we talk?

i feel like i’ve been distant lately. i’ve been ignoring messages, neglecting my relationships, and pushing away anybody who tries to ask if im doing alright. i owe you guys an explanation, but im sure it’s not too hard to figure out - i have been having a uniquely shitty month since my family made the choice to have my dog - my best friend for the last 15 years - put down. and to be completely honest, the grief has broken me.

i’ve stopped caring about myself and my career - i’ve been going to some auditions, but i don’t feel like im giving my all - so i don’t know why i pretend to be surprised when i don’t get called back. ive been letting deadlines for virtual submissions and opportunities pass me by, and ignoring everything in my inbox.

i had been aiming to write at least 500 words per day at the start of the month, but over the past few weeks i don’t think i’ve even written that many words combined. i feel like im letting down a lot of people: myself, my friends, my family, and the nameless strangers on the internet who enjoy the content i put out. and i know i don’t owe anyone anything - posting on tumblr doesn’t make me any money, and i don’t make a cent of income from fanfic - but i still feel guilty. i just feel trapped at the bottom of a deep, dark pit right now and i have no idea how to get myself out.

anyways, i’m sorry if youre one of the folks who followed me because they’re anticipating my next ao3 drop or whatever. i have this constant irrational guilty sensation nagging at me, telling me i’m letting you guys down, and i just hope i can make it up to you soon.

i just feel so paralyzed by my grief and depression right now. even writing this stupid little post felt like a herculean effort for some stupid reason. i’m so tired.

[sadurbanwerewolf]

Welcome Stranger

Hi, I'm Yan and this is a blog for posting art/lore for my oc Duncan. Please read the rules before you follow or send an ask. Note that english is not my first language, so there might be some spelling mistakes.

THE RULES/WARNINGS

This blog is 18+. Even though it probably won't be often or explicit, some nsfw content will be featured on this blog. By nsfw I mean sexual references and some kink content. So if you’re a minor or uncomfortable with this stuff, block me (respectfully).

No discrimination of any kind. Transphobia, homophobia, racism, ableism and other  kinds of hate speech or discrimination are not welcome here.

Be respectful towards me and others. Please understand that I am a real person behind the screen and I have other obligations beside this blog. Don’t start fights with me or people in the comment section.

I am a stranger to you. Please understand that I don’t know you personally. Please don’t send me “friendly” rude messages, trauma dumps, vents, rants about how much you hate/love something/someone or ask me for irl advice.

Don’t be too vulgar. Even though slight nsfw is allowed, explicit stuff is crossing the line. I don’t want to see porn of any kind or hear how much you want to impregnate my character. I also don’t like when people swear too much.

Don't send romantic/sexual asks about Duncan's beast form. Base and hybrid are fine but flirting with a dog is a bit too much for me.

This is not an omegaverse blog.

OOC or // means out of character.

Don’t repost my art. Reblogs are totally welcome, but reposting my art without credit, claiming it’s yours, using it for nft/ai, using it to harass others is not allowed.

Put warnings in tags when making fanart. I get uncomfortable too, so if your art includes things that are upsetting for me, please include appropriate tags. If you don’t want your art to be reblogged by me, please put something like ‘Yan/Duncan don’t reblog’ in the tags.

I will update the rules if needed, so check them from time to time.

Things that make me uncomfortable: self harm, suicide, verbal abuse, pregnancy, cannibalism, explicit gore

About the world

The world is inspired by the game series Coffee Talk, you can feel free to ask questions that reference the games. It takes place in a modern day nonspecific European country (I like the aesthetic of romanticized pictures of NYC or LA but I’m European so I don’t know a lot about America). 

About Duncan

Duncan Caddel

25, he/him, incubus/werewolf, bisexual, single

He initially was a DnD/Pathfinder character but I much prefer this modern au. I still will post art of him as a fantasy Barbarian.

Ref sheet:

Hybrid and Beast forms

Personality traits: sad, sweet, soft, playful, kind, affectionate, patient

Background:

Duncan lives alone in an apartment that once belonged to his mother. She moved in with her boyfriend and left the place for Duncan to inhabit. His income mainly comes from his work as a barista at a rock bar. He also releases his music on streaming platforms and produces pornography of himself for subscription service. He has a passion for music, especially rock, metal and indie stuff. He has several friends from college with whom he still keeps contact. They sometimes gather together to play ttrpgs or party. However, gatherings like that are seldom, so he feels pretty lonely since he spends most of his time with customers or by himself. When going outside, he likes to dress in a gothic-esque maner. At home, he wears whatever is clean in his closet, and of course, he dresses formally for his barista job. He is fond of cooking and tries to eat healthy. He very rarely consumes meat, but he does eat fish and sea products regularly. Duncan struggles with depression, however he’s getting better since he started his medication. He has a pretty good grip on how to control his transformations, but when he gets overwhelmed by emotions it’s much harder for him to control it. He only transforms into his beast form outside of the town.

In short: lives alone, barista/musician/sex worker, lonely, likes cooking, pescetarian, depressed.

[littlelarajean]

Going to put this here because I can’t keep annoying my real life people with this.

Trigger warning: body image and existential crisis lol?

I’m an illustrator and reiki practitioner, so I usually barely make the bills. I work at a spa that’s adding Cryoskin, a fat reduction procedure that is actually non harmful or invasive, but super fucking expensive. It also reinforces the narrative that natural, aging bodies that aren’t skeletally thin are in need of changing, fixing, smoothing, reducing.

February of 2023 I stopped restricting calories for the first time in almost 2 years. Post having severe anxiety and panic attacks for about 5 years I was underweight. Then my life situation changed and I stopped having a panic disorder and I gained weight, which freaked me out and made me hate myself. I then tried to lose it with undereating and exercise. I stopped having my period and was dizzy constantly, and got severely bad depression. It was a huge relief to be able to think about something other than food when I stopped restricting. I could see a photo of food without salivating like a starving animal. People out there starving for real and this dumb ass starved herself by choice for the aesthetic. And nobody even cared. Nobody ever looks at me. I’m a fucking artist.

My history of hating my body goes way back to when I was 11 or 12. I know this is super common, and I even have a lot of privilege in my body experience, being thin, tall, and white. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be built in a way that doesn’t fit the insane cocaine girl aesthetic that the media demands of us, or the dehydrated egg carton abs of a steroid pumped maniac. I hate the way the media presents beauty as so limited to big lips, flat bellies, one type only. I hate the way that physical beauty is the most valued commodity a human can have. Pretty people win.

And yet I’m in a position where I might have to prey on people’s insecurities to keep my job and to pay the bills. If I refuse to become a Cryoskin tech I probably won’t be allowed to stay working at the spa because I do so little reiki work. I hate that I’ve failed to make money by creating stories that teach people to appreciate nature and art and kindness. I hate that AI is taking over making soulless content so we can be further brainwashed into thinking we have to pay thousands of dollars to photoshop our natural bodies in real life, money that could be spent on so much that has real value. Like real art, real experiences, or helping preserve the natural world.

Worst of all, I want the treatment. My old insecurities are flaring back up and I’m thinking about spending my income from Cryoskin on Cryoskin treatments. Shrinking myself. Conforming. Money that I could spend on seeing tide pools or the rainforest or eating handmade pasta from the new super fancy Italian restaurant in town or investing in a future home where I could have a wildflower field and a vegetable garden or that new book my friend just released or donated to actual fucking starving people will potentially go toward freezing my midsection so I lose… inches.

Meanwhile nobody will notice as I struggle to self publish my second book, begging people to care about the magic and the small wild things in the world, silliness and adventure and kindness, because they’re all too busy thinking about shrinking their belly fat. Just like me.

I’m so tired guys.

#modern life hurts #rant #tw body issues #tw body dysphoria #tw body dysmorphia #tw body hate