i don't have a christmas drawing but i got this
yeah
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"I think this is my favourite way to touch you" she said lovingly, while gently tracing circle after circle with her nails along my bare back.
"What?"
"Scratching your back, I think it's one of my favourite ways to touch you. That, or playing with your hair."
I post a lot about how stone4stone love has been healing for me in a way that is so profound and almost spiritual, but finally having it in person has only taken that to a whole other level. My darling femme saying this caused my entire world to slow down as I processed what, up until that point, I thought impossible. A fantasy that would never fully be spoken.
For context, my top three favourite ways to be given physical intimacy/love are the following:
Having my hair played with over long periods of time
Scratching my back and scalp
Massage, especially when chronic pain flare ups are bad
I react so intensely that it excites people a lot of the time. You'd think I was having sex if you were simply listening to the sounds from the other room (which is ironic given I actively hate receiving during, joys of being stone). For my entire life, for my nearly 15 years of dating, every single person before my femme has followed the same pattern.
They'll discover how positively I react to scratches/hairplay, and they actively engage in it regularly due to the advent of your new partner enjoying something that much. Inevitably they get bored but will continue because it makes me happy. Eventually though, the novelty fully wears off and the only true way I can get that level of attention is when I explicitly ask for it. I've often gotten sighs followed by "oh alright" as if it's some chore, or worse yet, half sarcastic "if only you made sounds like this during sex". Every single time I'd inevitably start feeling guilty, anxious, and simply stop asking.
The sheer number of times I'd ask myself "if I said I never wanted to receive during sex again, if I wanted intimacy in only this way, would so-n-so be upset" and the answer was always yes. Always. I'd begun to internalize that my way of receiving was a chore. That how I wanted to be loved was a reward to be earned.
Then comes this absolute darling of a femme, unprompted during our quiet night of non-sexual intimacy after a long day, casually dropping that her favourite way to show me physical intimacy is tied between scratching my back and playing with my hair. By accident in a single half-entraced phrase she took my perceptions of love, what I deserve from love, and what I could expect to receive, shattered them into a thousand fragments, and then stitched them back together into a mosaic that would make the Byzantines weep.
There is something to be said for your partner loving you in a specific way because it is how you like to be showed love, even though it's not their preferred method of showing it. It is a league-of-its-own different feeling to find someone who shows you love the way you want to be shown love because it's how they prefer to show love. She has taught me that and I am never settling for less again.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
Stone4Stone is Holy.
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i love you trans women with thick facial and body hair. i love you trans women with deep voices and i love you trans women who vocal train. i love you trans women on hormones and i love you trans women who will never in their lives go on hormones. i love you post op trans women and i love you trans women who aren’t even considering surgery. i love you balding trans women. I love you trans women with erectile dysfunction. i love you trans women who don’t pass. i love you lesbian trans women and i love you bisexual trans women and i love you straight trans women. i love you unlabeled trans women and i love you trans women who are still confused about gender and i love you trans women who still go by he/him. i love you fat trans women. i love you mentally ill trans women. i love you hypersexual trans women. i love you ace trans women and i love you allo trans women. i love you polyamorous trans women. i love you brown trans women and i love you black trans women. i love you disabled trans women. i love you butch trans women. i love you autistic trans women. i love you non binary trans women. i love you trans women who are religious and i love you trans women with religious trauma. i love you trans women!!!!!
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