#make fun of me for being fat all you want cooking videos hit different when its more like youre just watching some guy you know cook

[emmy-writes-sometimes]

Înger

You’re not quite sure what the nickname Sebastian keeps calling you means.

-

“My name?” You thought about it for a minute, holding your finger up and looking over at your phone. Sebastian was beside you and started explaining what his meant, but you had to Google yours.

“Well?” Sebastian asked, laughing a little. He looked at you with the cutest smile and it was hard to turn away, but you kept looking until you found what you were looking for.

“It means angel.”

“All of that googling for one answer?” Sebastian asked. You laughed and continued on with the interview. When it was done you quickly got your microphone pack off your jeans and walked with Sebastian to get some lunch. You were in New York for this part of the press tour, and since Sebastian lived there, you were staying with him. And then you’d move on to Los Angeles for another three weeks of press. Over the course of filming, Sebastian had become one of your best friends. You were even planning a vacation with each other since you both really wanted to go to Hawaii and acting like a couple would definitely get you some hotel discounts.

“Pass me the soy sauce, will you, înger?” He asked later that night when you were cooking dinner together. You had decided to cook him a meal for letting him stay with you, but he was such a control freak about his food that he’d taken over in ten minutes and now he was showing you how to make home-made chicken stir fry, your favorite.

“What did you just call me?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. He smirked.

“Nothing. Just pass it?” You handed him the glass bottle and tried to act like what he had said was just a fluke or something. It definitely wasn’t English – and you knew he was Romanian, because he sprinkled in a few phrases here and there when he couldn’t remember the English phrase, but he mostly never spoke it unless he was around his family. You had never actually heard him speak it except when he was on the phone with his mom. And you could speak a little Spanish, which was similar, but not similar enough to where you could understand anything past articles and some grammar.

You heard him on the phone later that night and you could hear him say your name, and then that same word again, înger, and you were curious. So you did some more googling of nicknames. It wasn’t hard to find.

Angel.

He was calling you angel. You looked back at where he sat in the living room while you were cleaning up the dishes, smiling a little. You’d felt like he maybe liked you, and you liked him, too, but you never thought it was real. You never thought that he would actually make a move as dangerous as that because he had to know that you could just google it and figure out what he was saying. But maybe he wasn’t even being that dangerous – he always called you funny nicknames and you always called him some back. Your nickname for him was chubbs, since he had said he had gotten chubby recently. You didn’t see it, but you liked to see the look on his face when he realized you were teasing him as much as he always teased you.

“I’m heading to bed,” you said after he hung up, “early flight tomorrow.”

“Yeah. I’ll meet you at four?” You nodded and left to go to his guest room. You saw him smile at you as you left and couldn’t help but feel a little giddy. You texted some of your friends, and a couple of your co-stars, asking if he did the same thing to them. Of course it was a no, so you put your phone underneath your pillow and tried to get a little sleep. Eventually the light in the hallway shut off and Sebastian continued to his room on the brownstone’s third floor. You could hear the floor settle and then he went to bed, too.

You woke up the next morning and threw on a big sweatshirt and shorts, hoping you wouldn’t run into any fans in a flight that early, and met Sebastian in the front hall of the house. He called a cab and took care of the luggage, letting you get in first. You made it through the airport without seeing anybody, but when you saw some fans heading toward Sebastian you made it a point to go get the two of you coffee.

“You really got them to write chubbs on the side?” He chuckled when he saw what the sharpie had written on the plastic cup. You shrugged. “You are the worst.” You sat back down beside him until it was time to board. The studio had made sure the two of you had tickets together, so you were squeezed in by the window seat. You had both finished your coffee so he put the cupholder between you up. You felt the plane move and jumped a little bit, causing Sebastian to look over at you.

“Sorry.” He shook his head and took your hand, squeezing it. He knew you hated when planes took off, and usually he made it a point to distract you. This was definitely distracting, but in a different way.

“’S okay, înger,” he said softly, trying to pull a smile out of you. “We’re only going over the ocean so they can turn us around toward land.” He only let go of your hand when the plane was completely in the air and you leaned your head on his shoulder, falling asleep as he started watching a movie and you could hear a little bit of it from his headphones.

You were so drained by the time you got to Los Angeles that he basically had to force you into the shower to get ready for the entire day of press. You weren’t done until nine at night, and he knocked on your door with a six pack in one hand and a bag of your favorite diner food in the other just about two hours later.

“Oh my God, turn it off!” You laughed as he turned on the TV and the first thing that popped up was the porn channel. He laughed too and changed it to the on demand screen where you could rent movies.

“What, you aren’t curious?” He teased.

“No!” You replied, pushing on his shoulder. “I am not looking at some random guy’s dick!” He rolled his eyes.

“You are absolutely no fun. You wanna watch the second Jurassic Park?” You nodded and he pulled up the rental screen. You’d never seen the movies, so Sebastian was making sure you did by the time press tour was over. You sat back on the bed’s headboard, popped open a beer, and watched the second movie. You started a random comedy after since the two of you were talking over the next day’s plans and eventually the clock hit midnight.

“I’ll let you get your beauty sleep,” he said as he got off the bed.

“Noooo, I’m up!” You tried to say. He laughed and started cleaning up the room.

“Good night, înger,” he said with a smile on his face. You were so tired that you were almost asleep, so he didn’t hesitate to touch your hair and rub his thumb across your forehead before he left. It felt like heaven. You heard the door to his room beside yours open and shut. He watched a few videos or something before the sounds in his room silenced and he fell asleep, just as you did.

The next day you woke up, realizing what happened the night before, and texted him to see if he wanted you to Postmate some coffee in. You decided to try and look cuter than usual, since the interviews today were all video interviews, and you put on a romper that had a gap in the abdomen area. You threw a jacket over it, slightly insecure even if it did look cute, and you also expected for Sebastian to make a crack about how he could buy you clothes if you couldn’t afford ones without holes in them.

“Finally, coffee that won’t call me fat,” he remarked as you handed him his iced coffee a few minutes later. You rode in the cab to the studio, Sebastian in front, and started getting settled in. All of your interviews were together, as per your request, because you hated doing solo interviews. Interviewers also asked a lot of questions that you didn’t want to answer because many of them were just sexist, asking what man you were going out with, asking what you were allowed to eat because you had to look a certain way, and the kind of things you didn’t want to answer but were always afraid you would have to.

Sebastian took a seat beside you, putting both of his hands in his jacket pockets, and when he did his elbow hit yours. You looked away from him, smiling a little bit, and waited for the interviewer.

Most of the interview was fine. You mostly talked about the movie and Sebastian was talented enough to steer the conversation back to the movie whenever they got off of the topic, and he answered more of the difficult questions. It wasn’t your first movie, but it was your first where you were objectified on screen and off. The two of you made it to your last interview before lunch. When you saw the name of the interviewer, your heart jumped. This was the same interviewer that had asked you questions you didn’t want to be asked last time.

“You okay, înger?” Sebastian asked as you waited in the empty room. Your leg was shaking up and down, arms crossed against your chest. “Too much coffee?” You shook your head.

“No, this interviewer is just kind of an ass and I don’t know why this network keeps sending him,” you said, quietly enough to where only he could hear.

“Just let me deal with him, then. If it gets to a point where you’re not comfortable just look at me and I’ll get him off your back, okay?” You nodded. He moved his hand over to yours and squeezed it tightly. The way he spoke to you made you think that maybe there was a reason behind the nickname. Maybe he wasn’t calling you an angel in general, maybe he was calling you his angel. You wished. You gave him a small smile and a thank you, letting go of his hand as the interviewer walked in.

It started out tame enough. He was a little more police than he had been in the past, so Sebastian didn’t have to do much steering at first. But then the interviewer started talking about you, and Sebastian turned the topic on its head. The interviewer only got worse and worse, though, until you looked over at Sebastian for him to save you. And he did, thankfully. His hand reached for yours, knowing that the camera was shoulders up for the both of you, and squeezed it. You felt yourself calm down, instantly. Your body cooled down and the fear of answering questions faded into the feeling you always got when Sebastian touched you. You took a deep breath and finished the interview.  

“Are you okay, înger?” He asked as the interviewer left the room. “I tried to…”

“What does that mean?” You asked him. The name made you want him to come clean. You just wanted him to be honest with you, because at this point it was completely obvious that he liked you.

“Nothing,” he lied. “Just a nickname.”

“Just a nickname,” you repeated. “Right.” You mostly forgot about everything as you sat down to lunch, talking about anything besides the interview. He went to the bathroom and you opened the translate app. You translated what you wanted to say and checked another app to be sure, and when he came back you put your phone down, ready to read off the words.

“Tin la tine,” you muttered when he sat down. He gave you a look of… understanding but confusion at the same time.

“What?” He asked. You repeated the words, again, this time as anxious as you’d ever been. Before you could say anything else, the assistants came to get the packs off of you.

Sebastian avoided you for lunch and for dinner, and even though he didn’t act any differently on camera he definitely did off camera. You were starting to think you’d seriously screwed up by the time you got back to the hotel after a cab ride, alone, because Sebastian said he had an errand to run. You sighed and went back to your room, texting your friends, and sighed. You had confronted him and it had gone all wrong, so maybe you were all wrong. Maybe the nickname wasn’t trying to get a certain reaction. Maybe it was just a reflex. You didn’t know, and you weren’t sure if you would ever know, until you got a knock at your door. It was 10 PM, you realized, and that could only mean it was one person knocking.

You opened the lock to see Sebastian standing there, hands in his jacket, and he looked nervous. He looked more nervous than he ever had before.

“Can I come in?” He asked. You nodded, stepping aside, and shut the door. You were vaguely aware that you’d taken off the jacket and felt insecure for a second.

“I’m sorry about earlier, I just figured… you were acting…” You didn’t really know what to say as you locked the door back and turned around to look at him. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry. I just freaked out because, well, no one’s ever said that to me before, and no one’s ever bothered to say it to me in Romanian. And I guess you figured out what the name means, right?”

“Angel.”

“Yeah. And it’s… It’s your name, but that’s not why, it’s…” he hesitated. “I like you. A lot. And I know that I can’t have you, but I thought maybe if you didn’t know what I was saying, you wouldn’t be able to shut me down. But I guess I was wrong and stupid and I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” You raised an eyebrow. “Sebastian, I was trying to tell you that I like you too. Only I don’t know how to speak Romanian.” That finally made a smile appear on his face.

“Mi-ai intrat în suflet,” he said quietly. “Are you gonna look that up?”

“You could just tell me.” He took a step forward and reached out a hand and you took it, unsure of what he was saying.

“It’s something that means you’re part of my soul. And I realize that sounds stupid in English.”

“No, it doesn’t.” You pulled on his arms until they were on your waist, his fingers cold against the gap in your romper, and looked at him. You looked at him until he understood, wrapped your arms around his neck, and tugged. He was gentle when he kissed you. His hands were soft and his lips were soft and you could feel them curl up into a smile. You must have kissed him for a few minutes, backing up until you were against the wall. His hand went behind your head to make sure you didn’t hit the wall too hard and then he was closing any gap there possibly was between the two of you.

“Inima mea îti apartine,” he muttered against you. “Ai inima mea, înger, daca vrei.”

“What does that mean?” You asked when he looked down at your bodies, his hands tightening on your waist underneath your romper.

“It means my heart is yours. You have my heart, angel, if you want it.” His eyes started searching yours for the answer, but it wasn’t long until he got it.

“Yeah. I’d like that, dolofan,” you replied, smiling a little bit. He rolled his eyes.

“Of all of the words you could learn to say and you learn to say chubby. Why am I not surprised?” He laughed with you for a second before leaning into another kiss.

A/N: I’m hoping all of my translations are right! There are some symbols I can’t pull off on my computer so I am very sorry to anyone who speaks this language because I can not figure out how to do them. This was such a cute request and I hope you like it! 

#sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan x reader

[emotional-scumfuck]

Grade school and Middle school

This is based off of Joe Brainard’s “I Remember,”.

I remember how excited i was to finally have a friend over.

I remember how she used my computer and tv.

I remember how she didn’t want to leave after one night.

I remember how fun it was to pretend she was my sister and i finally had a true friend.

I remember taking a green hoodie from my dad because i liked it so much.

I remember feeling bad afterwards.

I remember my aunt paying for that red telephone box picture at ikea.

I remember being so excited to finally have a Polaroid camera.

I remember walking down the halls of the middle school comparing it to a chilly hospital hallway.

I remember white walls and motivational posters but a gray cloud overhead everywhere you went.

I remember my first kiss and how i liked it?

I remember kissing my neighbor a lot in grade school who seemed my age but, he wasn’t i don’t think.

I remember he would take me behind the cars parked in my driveway, and kiss me, one simple mwah then a giggle and we would go back to playing.

I remember doing that a lot then he moved.

I remember seeing him again in high school, he was a druggie and totally different.

I remember thinking he probably doesn’t remember what we did, so why do i keep thinking about it?

I remember him taking a liking to me.

I remember considering him a friend.

I remember hating that I remembered those meaningless kisses.

I remember feeling sad.

I remember meeting my first guy friends and i would do anything for them.

I remember crying over teachers and their words.

I remember wishing i was already graduated, even though I didn’t even know what I wanted to do with my life.

I remember parting my hair on the side.

I remember feeling seen when I found out my middle school history teacher is gay.

I remember feeling like it was okay, to accept myself for liking any gender.

I remember feeling lost.

I remember feeling jealous of the girls who wore justice and pink, those mall brands we couldn’t afford, i was also too fat for them.

I remember feeling uncomfortable in my body.

I remember the gym teacher staring at me.

I remember my history teacher saying ‘I ship it’ when my male friend and I hugged.

I remember that friend never hugging me again, I don’t know what brought him to let me hug him that one time.

I remember being heartbroken over losing a best friend for the first time.

I remember my dad telling me my brother had Aspergers for the first time. I thought he was saying “Ass-burgers” and got flustered.

I remember walking down the cold halls of my middle school, and being told i was showing too much shoulder. By a man who looked like a coral colored lipstick.

I remember when I felt I needed to dull myself.

I remember my first kiss while ‘dating’ He stunk. A gym teacher stared at me while we kissed, I didn’t think anything of it at the time.

I remember the Boston marathon bombing, then being scared the bombers family would come to our house because they lived in Maryland too.

I remember being excited to use a juul for the first time.

I remember hating it.

I remember when my middle school boyfriend told me he wanted to have sex with me even though we had been ‘dating’ two weeks.

I remember not feeling happy a lot.

I remember my first doctor visit when she told me I needed to lose weight.

I remember the first time my mom saw the bloody tissues in the bathroom trash, and my mother cleaned my cuts.

I remember one of the cuts was a smiley face.

I remember threatening to call CPS if she didn’t leave me alone after confronting me about self-harming.

I remember a time when I didn’t tell my parents “I love you” so much they asked me if i was suicidal because of how much I said it.

I remember the last day of sophomore more year when I put on a outfit i had dreamed of wearing all year, and my mom said i looked like a clown.

I remember crying.

I remember anger.

I remember feeling caged in.

I remember feeling stuck.

I remember being in my brothers shadow.

I remember feeling forgotten and undetected.

I remember hearing other girls talk about their sexual experiences and wishing I could relate, I don’t anymore.

I remember feeling angry that I had parents that cared about me and if I was safe.

I remember being groomed by men twice my age online.

I remember my first nude. He asked me if I ever did anal because my ass was so ‘nice’. I didn’t even have a phone yet.

I remember the first time a boy actually showed interest in me.

I remember he said “lemme eat ya ass ;*”

I remember laughing so hard, then crying because I was scared thats as good as it would get.

I remember my fifth grade fun and fitness day when it rained and i thought they would cancel so i wore slides. It was not canceled.

I remember wishing I was dating Harry Styles and touring with one direction.

I remember wishing I wasn’t alive.

I remember when a horse stepped on my foot when I wore crocs to a horseback riding event.

I remember my mom and I were fighting the entire day of, then in the car ride home after horseback riding.

I remember when I broke my foot in fifth grade and had to wear a cast to my fifth grade graduation.

I remember the embarrassment of being wheeled down the aisle in a wheel chair then hobbling in crutches.

I remember the fear that I would fall while on crutches and crack my head open.

I remember feeling sad because my mom has only digital pictures of me, but all paper ones of my brother.

I remember wishing I had rich parents, because we lived in a small rancher.

I remember seeing other friends houses and being angry when coming home, because I wanted a big house too.

I remember when my mom told me we could have had a bigger house, but she wanted to be a stay at home mom, to take care of us.

I remember the time cops came to our door because my brother was being bullied so bad they needed to file a report.

I remember my brother taunting me, and getting so angry I tackled him and choked him.

I remember being in grade school when this happened.

I remember hating my brother.

I remember it not being my fault.

I remember him taunting me.

I remember him making me feel scared.

I remember him making me eat a booger.

I remember him acting like he was the victim, and my parents believing him.

I remember feeling helpless.

I remember wishing i was being groomed by a 30 year old man, preferably with an english degree.

I remember day-dreaming during 4-H meetings that I would cook for my captor, and do “wife” duties for him, while he was at work.

I remember wishing I was kidnapped and got Stockholm syndrome.

I remember my dog, daisy.

I remember watching her die, she seemed at peace.

I remember noticing she was acting weird when I was doing my homework, so I asked my mom to check on her, turns out she was dying.

I remember watching a video of a man raping a goat, it was a cartoon, with my brother, while my dad vacuumed not even 10 feet from us.

I remember my brother and I wrestling or something, and then he laied on top of me, chest on my back. He did what i thought was trying to get up and fell back down, but his pelvis hit my ass, before any other part of him fell.

I remember having a friend over, and my brother insisted on tackling me right then and there, embarrassing me and hurting me in front of my friend. He sat on me. He heard me ask him to stop multiple times. He never listened.

I remember asking my brother to stop multiple times, over many instances. He never listened.

I remember when my brother tried to hug me, but I didn’t want one. So I kneed him in the balls. He called me a bitch and told me to kill myself. He said he hated me.

I remember my parents were in their room watching a movie, the door was locked, when he started yelling at me. My dad came to see what was going on.

I remember I was in my room crying, fearing that my brother would hurt me. My dad told me it was okay. My mom told me I could seriously affect my brothers reproductive system if I had knee’d him hard enough.

I remember feeling like that whole situation was my fault after that, and I should have just let him hug me.

I remember feeling gaslighted by my brother.

I remember forgetting all the things i’ve said here, because I wanted to forget.

I remember my first encounter with eating disorders.

I remember the first time I tried bulimia.

I remember it hurt my chest and scared me.

I remember trying anorexia positive diets, They didn’t work.

I remember thinking i was fat, when I wasn’t.

I remember wanting to die instead of losing weight.

I remember wishing i could cut all the skin i didn’t want off, with no repercussions.

I remember wishing I was in therapy but being too scared to ask.

I remember wishing i was in therapy but being scared they would send me to a rehab because of what I would talk about.

I remember wishing i was in therapy, and i could say all of this without any repercussions.

I remember feeling sad.

I remember feeling tired.

#anarecia #depression #sad #trigger warning #stockholm syndrome #kidnapping tw #abuse tw #trauma #therapy #venting tw #i wish i was in therapy #eating disoder tw #childhood trauma #self harm

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Gladly | Bucky Barnes

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Modern AU

Summary: you receive an unexpected call while on a very well-needed vacation.

Request: do you listen to asmr boyfriend roleplay (on yt)? Some of them would be great as fics.

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, surely language, fluff, mentions of panic and anxiety, like a single sexual mention.

Based off these YouTube videos: one two | Gif credit @sebastiansource

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Slipping his cellphone into his back pocket, Bucky took a seat on a stool. The bar wasn’t too crowded anymore yet the snippets of chatter, the clinking of glasses and the sounds of pool balls clashing livened up the place.

Sam and Steve hadn’t stopped teasing him since he said he’d call his friend. Sam couldn’t shut up about it, making question after question.

“You guys aren’t going to let this go, huh?” Bucky sighed heavily, motioning for them to allow him to take his shot. His friends watched him in expectancy. “Man,” he sighed. “Yes, I have feelings for her.”

“I knew it!”

“Shut up, Wilson,” Bucky barked.

Steve stifled a laugh, “I did too, Buck.”

“Is it that obvious?” He asked, scared of their answer. Both his friends nodded their heads. “I hope she hasn’t noticed, she’s my best friend! No offense to you guys but she’s... just different.”

Bucky asked for a beer, wanting to have something in his hands, needing it before going insane. Steve must’ve known what it meant because he stopped Sam from pressuring Bucky to continue speaking. Once the bottle was in his grasp and he had taken a sip, he told them the rest.

“I can be actually me with her and not feel like I have to hold back like how I am right now with you but better because with her it happens always and I’ve never felt that with other people, that’s a big reason why I like her. I’m comfortable being me, she makes me like myself and it doesn’t feel right if I don’t talk to her, if I don’t see her....”

“Why don’t you tell her?” Steve inquired as to if the solution was in Bucky’s hands. Oh, how Bucky wished.

Every time people said the two of you should date he had to play coy when the only thing he wanted was to tell you that he was up for it if you wanted, that he wanted to give you the world if you let him. If only it was that easy.

“I don’t wanna ruin what we have, Stevie. It’s a good thing. Imagine if she doesn’t feel the same?” Bucky changed his voice to emphasize, “hey, best friend who I wanna secretly make out with! Light of my eyes! Highlight of my existence!” He traced the bottle up and down with his index and middle fingers, catching its sweat. “You see what I’m getting at here? I’ve thought of laying it all out on the table and just— I’m scared of losing her. It’s my worst nightmare. We have a good connection, why would I do anything to jeopardize that when she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me?” He choked up at the end, inwardly cursing for opening up that much.

“You okay?” Steve and Sam asked at the same time.

“I’m fine,” Bucky rasped, “I’m gonna take a cab home.” He withdrew his cellphone, sobering up upon looking at the screen “shit! Oh, fuck!”

“What did you do, dumbass?”

“Shut the fuck up, Wilson!” He exclaimed, in panic.

Fuck, how he could be so dumb to butt-dial you? Putting the phone on his ear, he swallowed saliva. “Uh... hi.” A nervous laugh escaped him. “Uhm, how much of that did you hear?”

You sat up on the bed, placing your free hand on your chest as the beating of your heart thickened to the point where you were 40% sure you were in the brink of a panic attack out of how much adrenaline was pumping through your veins. Still, you confessed, “all of it.

“Great,” he gritted, “fucking great.”

“Is it true?” You mumbled the question, not wanting to get ideas into your head.

“Every word,” he breathed.

“Say it.”

“Say what?”

“How you feel,” you instructed him, looking up at the yellow sunray hitting the ceiling due to the window’s angle.

Bucky breathed a laugh, “I’m in love with you.”

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Bucky cursed under his breath. He was the biggest dumbass he knew, not even Sam was at his level of stupidity. He was sure now the spectrum for dumbassery would be from one to Bucky and he had to learn how to live with it.

He always forgot to do things, you often told him he needed to be more organized — he was getting better but he had a long way to go. He should’ve bought that spare phone charger to keep in the car like you had told him to, he also should’ve changed his car’s battery like you also had told him to. And because he hadn’t done what you told him, because he was a dumbass, you were trapped in the middle of nowhere in a dead car.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed, closing the door as he got back into the car, “I imagine this isn’t how you wanted your night back to go.”

You let out a small laugh, “it’s okay.”

“You’re not mad?”

“No, it’s not your fault.”

He shrugged, “I dunno, part of me thinks you are. At least I am mad at myself.”

“That’s enough punishment, Bucky. Besides, the night is nice.”

It truly was, the weather wasn’t too chilly nor warm at all. Although you were in the middle of nowhere you weren’t bothered, you never got to be surrounded by so much nature, there were even fireflies that you hadn’t seen since you were a teenager.

There wasn’t anyone you would rather be stuck in the middle of nowhere than with Bucky. It probably was a good thing that you were, that way the topic couldn’t be avoided.

You had been anxious to get back after his call. You still didn’t quite believe it to be true, what could he have seen in you? A part of you thought he had been talking about someone else and had lied to you to spare your feelings — it wouldn’t be the first time someone feigned being attracted to you, that seemed to be a common experience in fat folks.

“Are we acknowledging the elephant in the room?”

Bucky stuttered, swallowing the excess of saliva he had started producing out of nervousness when the car died. “I was hoping you wouldn’t want to talk about that. I’m scared of what’s going to happen if we do.”

“Why? What do you want?”

“What do you mean?”

You clarified, “what do you want from me?”

“It’s... hard not to think about you. I don’t mean it sexually— I mean,” he huffed, “that too, but I’m talking about your feelings. What you want, what you need, how awkward this is, do you hate me? Are you moving out of the country because you don’t want to have me near you? I wouldn’t blame you—“ he stopped himself to take a breath, he was sure you wouldn’t judge him.

Bucky couldn’t remember the last time he had been so nervous, the first time he had to go to the doctor by himself was close, after all, he remembered being terrified, but that had been different. His happiness hadn’t depended on that, or the most important person in his life, or his motivation to put up with himself and others. It wasn’t always easy for him to stay focused, how messy the world was didn’t help, but you always had a way of encouraging him — to be better, kinder, more patient, to sometimes not be too selfless, to give his best.

“I wanna be your boyfriend,” he dared to let it out. All of it. “I want to do cute coupley shit with you, hold your hand, have my arm around you all the time, kiss the back of your hand while we drive like in the movies and go on dates and do romantic stuff for you. Prepare a candlelit dinner that I cooked myself after I put up with Sam’s cooking lessons because my cuisine sucks at the moment. And like... drive you to work or pick you up from work and go visit your parents with you and cuddle you at night and...” he breathed in, deeply, hoping he hadn’t fucked it all up. “That’s what I want.”

“I want that too,”

“Don’t just say that, (Y/N). You don’t have to spare my feelings.”

“James,” you said sternly. He finally looked at you in the eyes. “I want you. I feel the same way as you.”

“Since when?!” He blurted.

“Since the beginning.” Who wouldn’t have fallen for him upon merely meeting him? Bucky was gorgeous and so nice one thought to be dreaming when in his presence.

“Are you fucking kidding me? All this time all I had to do was tell you?”

You nodded, pursing your lips to keep your laugh in for you didn’t want him to think you were making fun of him.

“I was too scared to tell you how I felt. I love you, being friends is awesome but this is not platonic love, it hasn’t been for a long time. I figured that if I fucked it up there was no going back and I didn’t want to lose you, that’s why I waited so long”

“You technically didn’t—“

He shushed you. “I know, I know it was an accident. Don’t remind me. I think I’m gonna pass out soon from the adrenaline I’m feeling, is that normal? I just feel so happy!”

“Are you drunk again?”

“No. I am always happy with you but right now I’m at another level.” He said it easily like he was talking about the weather.

You marveled at it. How open he was with you — you shouldn’t have been surprised after everything you had heard him say to and about you, yet there you were in sheer awe of how comfortable he was around you, how free.

He cleared his throat. “Uhmmm... this might be awkward, and you can say no, but can I kiss you?” You nodded, saying yes verbally. Bucky continued talking, “ I’ve been nonstop thinking about kissing you since I saw you get off the plane. Are you sure? You’re not doing this just to patronize me?”

You were about to explode. “Kiss me already, Barnes.”

He leaned in, hovering over the console of the car. Bucky placed his hand on the side of your face, he had the intention of teasing you but he didn’t have the patience himself at that moment. He covered your lips with his, heavily so, devouring your mouth as he kissed you with everything he had to give. You kissed back as passionately, taking him by the collar of his jacket.

“Does this mean we’re a thing now? I don’t know,” he asked through a huff, “I wasn’t expecting this to happen. I’m lost. I don’t know what to do. I did not plan for this.”

“Just kiss me again.”

“Gladly.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x plus size reader #plus size reader #plus size fanfiction #bucky barnes #james barnes #the winter soldier #marvel x reader #marvel x plus size reader

[lionheartslowstart]

Getting To Know Me

I had a rough start during quarantine. My mental health was dipping pretty low, I felt isolated and bored, and I was alone with my thoughts so the body dysmorphia was turned up pretty high. I’m not sure what happened, but somehow, I was able to do a complete 180. I’m taking the time to change my lifestyle and find ways to make myself happier, because, what the fuck else am I going to do during quarantine?

First things first, I’ve changed my sleep cycle. Huzzah! I went from falling asleep at 3-5 am and waking up at 1-3 pm, to falling asleep at 10-11:30 pm and waking up at 7-8:30 am. Crazy right? Somewhere in there I hit a couple bumps in the road, so now it’s been more like falling asleep around midnight and waking up between 9 and 10. Still way better than how it was before, but I’m trying to work back down to at least 8 in the morning. This was incredibly challenging for me, and a huge victory. My energy levels have increased, and my mood has generally been better.

I’ve started doing yoga. Yes, you read that correctly. I’ve been doing yoga for almost three weeks now. It’s the first thing I do when I wake up. My best friend turned me on to this amazing app, Daily Yoga. Highly recommend. I do yoga for two days in a row then rest the third day, which is what the app suggests. I’ve been taking courses, beginner courses specifically since I’m new to this whole yoga thing. The sessions started at about 10-15 minutes, and they’ve increased to 20-30 minutes or so. Not very long, but I figure I’m doing it almost every day, which I’m told is better than long, intense workouts less frequently. I’m hoping to increase to 45-60 minute long sessions. Though, once society resumes and I start school, I may no longer be able to do it every day. But that’s why I’m trying to increase now. If I can only do yoga a few times a week instead of every day, I want to be stronger so I can participate in longer routines, and so I can challenge myself with more difficult poses.

In addition to my almost daily yoga, I have a short work out regimen I do every day, including on days I don’t do yoga. I do 100 squats, 50 crunches, 50 lower abdominal crunches, and 60 oblique crunches. Every. Single. Day. Some days I don’t want to, but I force myself, and I’m always glad I do. I also try to go on walks, especially on non-yoga days. There’s a lovely trail right by my apartment, so I try to get in at least 30 minutes. Like I said, I’ve only been doing this stuff for about three weeks, so it’s not like I’ve lost weight or anything. But I do feel stronger, and I think I look a little stronger. Also, my butt is poppin’ thanks to all the squats. I don’t know if it’s because I’m feeling stronger, or because the exercise is helping with my mental health, maybe a bit of both, but my body dysmorphia has seen a drastic decrease. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely still have bad days, but I would say that, overall, I’m obsessing about my body less, and shitting on my body less. There have even been several days where I see myself in the mirror and think, Damn, I look good.

Other than fitness, I have added a couple of other things to my day-to-day. I’ve been making sure to practice my Spanish on Duolingo every day for about ten minutes. Not only that, but I started taking French, too, which I also practice for ten minutes a day. Unlike Spanish, French is very difficult for me. I’ve studied Spanish since middle school, and while there was a large lapse in my speaking of it, it came back to me very quickly. I’ve always loved the language, and grasping it came easy to me. French, not so much. It’s way harder than Spanish. Just, generally. The grammar is less consistent, most of the differences in words are in how things are written out and NOT how they are actually spoken, so as a result, all of the words sound the fucking same, there are 80 fucking vowels to memorize, and, to top it all off, the pronunciation is super difficult already. I hate it. I love it. The challenge is the fun! My mom and I were supposed to go to France this summer (fat chance now, I know), which is why I chose French as my second language to learn. My mom speaks French, but I figure if I’m going to be spending time in a foreign country, I might as well at least try to understand what’s going on around me, as opposed to solely relying on my mother to get us around.

Another thing I’ve been working on is learning guitar. This is something I’d been doing before quarantine began, but being in quarantine has allowed me to practice a lot more. I’ve added guitar practice to my regimen, although there’s been a pause in that, as the handle for the case broke on the way to my mom’s house for a lesson, so the guitar will be remaining there until the new case arrives. But before that (and presumably after we get the new case), I’d been practicing every day. I would practice all the chords I know and play through the two songs I’ve been working on two or three times. At my most recent lesson with my mom, we downloaded a P!nk song online, and she taught me a new chord so I could play it. Now I know 10 chords: G, C, D, D7, Em, E, A, Am, A7sus, and Bb (aka, the hardest chord ever). Obviously, I still have a lot to learn, but I’m proud of the progress I’ve made. Guitar is hard, but I’m determined.

So, these 5 things (yoga, daily workout, Spanish, French, and guitar, in that order) are how I begin my day, every day. I usually finish anywhere from 10 to noon, depending on how early I wake up. This frees up the rest of my day for household chores, errands, cooking, calling my friends, video games, overall chillaxin’, and various creative endeavors like crafting or writing. But this has led to two different results, one positive and one negative.

The positive effect is that I have a schedule. My mornings are pretty set in stone, and I try to organize the rest of my day as best I can. I use a “To Do List” every day, and I include my leisurely activities on it as well so I can put everything in some kind of order. I try to accomplish any chores or errands I have in the middle of the day (with the exception of doing the dishes and cleaning the stove, which I do every night after dinner), and spend the rest of the day having fun and relaxing. I end every night by reading in bed for about thirty minutes, which has definitely helped with my sleep cycle. All of this has led me to the conclusion that I can be functional in a regular society.

The negative outcome is that I’m still bored. When I was living in Italy, I was constantly anxious because life is so slow-paced there. Other than my classes, I felt like I had nothing to do, which was a stark difference from life in the Big Apple. It just felt weird to have all this time on my hands, and as a result, I often felt unproductive. I also didn’t take as much advantage of the free time as I should have, but that largely had to do with the state of my mental health at the time, as well as just not being used to having buttloads of leisure time and therefore not knowing what to do with it. With everything going on, life right now feels really similar to how it did in Italy. Like I said, I finish my routine by the end of the morning, and then the rest of my day is just a big blank space that I try to fill with everything and anything else.

But even this has led to another positive realization! When I started this journey three weeks ago, I was afraid that when society reforms, my schedule will fall apart and I’ll become overwhelmed because I’ll suddenly have a lot of other things I need to do (namely school and medical appointments). I definitely still have anxiety about that, especially since school will be incredibly demanding, but that anxiety is beginning to lesson. Why? For the same reason I’m bored all the time! My morning routine only takes a couple hours. Even if I have to switch to the evening because of school, or split it up into half one day and half another, it will still be manageable. I know I will have space for the other demands in my life. As my mom has said to me, it’s a lot easier to go from having one schedule to having a different schedule, than to go from having no schedule at all to having a schedule. I’m sure there will be adjustments, maybe ones I haven’t thought of. But I’ll be able to figure it out, even if there are bumps in the road (which I’m sure there will be), because I’m building a skillset.

So, what does all of this have to do with the title of this entry, “Getting To Know Me?” I was on the phone with my therapist the other day, telling her about all the progress and positive changes I’ve made, and how I’ve been feeling as a result. She responded, “You’re getting to know yourself.” This took me by surprise, which I voiced to her. I told her that I’ve always prided myself on knowing exactly who I am, but I nevertheless thought she was right. That, yes, I do know Who I Am, but, as with everything else, I’m discovering even more. I keep peeling back layer after layer, I keep thinking I’ve reached the core, but then I tap a few times and realize, Oh fuck yeah! There’s even more! 

I’ve learned that I like waking up early in the morning. My goal is to be able to wake up at 7 or 7:30 every day. (This doesn’t change the fact that I love nighttime, which will no doubt cause me issues down the line, but I’ll figure it out.) I love learning languages. I want to be able to speak Spanish and French fluently. Maybe I’ll even try learning Italian after! I want to be able to speak as many languages as I can cram into my brain. I’ve learned that I can take this fitness journey, and I’m enjoying it. It’s okay that I’m still a beginner, and that doesn’t mean I’m not capable of being an expert if I keep going. And I can live without sweets. I still treat myself every now and then (and when I do, portion control is still an issue I’m trying to work on), but for the most part I don’t crave chocolate or sugar the way I used to. I’m currently attempting to go two weeks without dairy. Now that has been HARD. The exceptions being anything that comes with my Blue Apron meals, because I’m not going to waste food, and putting a little bit of milk in my coffee, because I can’t not have a little bit of milk in my coffee. But in terms of breakfast, lunch, and snacking, zero dairy. I’ve substituted Pringles and Pop Tarts for fruits, applesauce, and (non-dairy) yogurt. I’m only on day three, but I’m confident I can make it to day fourteen. I’ve learned that I have more energy than I thought I did, which is huge. I’d been so used to feeling sluggish and exhausted, I had no idea I have the capacity to feel this energized! The best part is that I know it’s because I’m doing all of these things that MAKE me feel energized. And they make me feel energized because they make me happy. Even sitting here writing this, I’ve just thought of more things I want to work on while I have this time. And I’m going to! I have the time, all I need to do is remember to add it to my To Do List.

I know it’s a scary time right now. I don’t want to pretend it isn’t, or that a lot of lives haven’t been lost, or that we shouldn’t take it seriously. But taking it seriously involves staying at home as much as possible, and if we’re stuck at home anyway, shouldn’t we make the most of it?

#personal #reflection #self love #healing #fitness

[idthellyeah-blog]

A totally timely and significant review of Rancid’s “...And Out Come The Wolves”

(I honestly don’t remember when I wrote this, maybe 2015. Definitely just got jacked up on something and decided that I needed to write a track by track review of an album I loved when I was a cool punk teen. It has just been sitting in my Google Drive patiently waiting to be posted.)

 I remember the first time I ever heard/saw Rancid was when the video for “Salvation” off of their second album “Let’s Go” premiered on MTV. Such an 80’s/90’s kid thing to do, discovering a new band by seeing a music video on TV, ugh. I thought the leather clad mohawked bad boys were amazing and perfect and so cool...that I immediately tried to spike my hair using gelatin (tru punx only) and got a leather jacket (did not look that cool and was very sweaty).  When “...And Out Come The Wolves” came out the next year (1995, I’m old AF) I was totally enamored and had found my #1 favorite album of all time (that lasted for like a year until music got better).  I was supposed to go see Rancid at a big show in Omaha, I lived in a small town called Columbus that was roughly 90 minutes away from the big city...but the day of my mom didn’t let me go because I had bad math grades.  I reacted the way any entitled white teen did, by laying in the garage and crying and playing their album.  That show wound up being a huge to-do when fans tore up seats in the venue and threw cushions at the band leading to Rancid not playing Omaha for a long time.  I missed out on some cool bad-ass punk rock shit, first world problems. Fast forward to today when I decided that I, Ian Douglas Terry, needed to write out a song-by-song review of this quintessential punk album.  I’m a real music nut, and obviously very good at structured writing...so here we go!  (Rock on)

1. Maxwell Murder - Oh boy, this one starts with like a subway train sound and then the beginning of a killer/complicated Matt Freeman bass line.  That dude SHREDS the bass, and even has a wild solo in this song.  That’s tight.  Why did they stop letting him sing?  He sounded like a fun Muppet on their first album and I loved his songs.  Maybe he wanted to focus on just shredding the bass and using tons of pomade.

2. The 11th Hour - This song is great.  It is poppy and upbeat and about a woman having dreams and demanding answers.  Hell yeah.  I love good punk music that supports women and feminism and figuring out where the power lies (spoiler alert, it starts and ends with you).  Remember how Brody from The Distillers left Tim Armstrong for the dude from Queens of the Stone Age? And then he got all fat and got a beard?  I can completely relate to that, and have been there sans beard.

3. Roots Radicals - This song RULES.  I had to look up what “Moonstompers” were and who “Desmond Dekker” was.  I remember trying to relate to this like it could somehow compare to living in a town with 20,000 people and the nicest Wal-Mart in the tri-county area.  Remember how there was that Spanish language cover of this on one of those “Give Em The Boot” comps that Hellcat put out? That was real tight.

4. Time Bomb - Hit single baby!  This had a huge hand in getting punk kids into reggae/ska for sure.  Killer organ solo, lots of rude boy shit going, I loved it so much.  Tim Armstrong totally re-used lyrics from the song “Motorcycle Ride” from the previous album...which is hilarious.  Like c’mon dawg...you should know your own lyrics.  I learned how to do the solo from this and felt like a guitar god (it is a very easy solo, like almost too easy).

5. Olympia, WA - I love songs like this that are about cities that the band isn’t from...so you have to fire up your imagination (or just read the lyrics) and be like, “What went down in Olympia, Washington????”.  Turns out it was mostly hanging out on different streets in New York and playing pinball with Puerto Ricans while wishing you were with a person who you were sleeping with in Washington.  Hell yeah, just like Shakespeare.

6. Lock, Step & Gone - Songs about docks were HUGE in my youth.  Dropkick Murphy’s had like eight songs about boys on them, and this Rancid song alludes to them.  I loved all of the blue collar, working class ideology that had nothing to remotely do with my comfortable upper middle class (not sure if that’s accurate because my parents were teachers, and like is there even a middle class any more?) life. This song definitely sums itself up at then end when it says “There’s a whole lot of nothin”.

7. Junky Man - Another theme that I could definitely relate to in a town of 20,000 people with like ten people who did meth...Junkies!  This song is pretty great because the dude from the Basketball Diaries does some sick poetry in it...that movie was nuts.  I like that song that he later wrote/sang about all the people he knew who died. The only way poetry can be cool is if the person is an insane drug addict with cool/sad stories to tell. Otherwise it is just loud diary reading.

8. Listed MIA - At this point I wholeheartedly agree with this song, “I’m checking out”.  I don’t know if I ever really liked this song or if this was just part of the “I accidentally left it playing after the first four songs that I liked were over”.  Lars says the derogatory f-word for homosexuals in it, because people called him that word...that doesn’t seem cool man.  I get that it rhymes with “maggots”, but maybe give white dudes in the Midwest less reasons to sing that word out loud.

9. Ruby Soho - This is one of the best songs ever, hands down.  It is beautiful and you can barely understand what Tim Armstrong is saying but it is wonderful.  I feel like deciphering his lyrics led me to be able to understand most speech impediments, so hell yeah.  This song is about loving someone a lot but having to leave them because it isn’t working out. This song was the blueprint for every romantic relationship I’ve ever had in my entire life so it might be a gypsy curse.

10. Daly City Train - Oh hell yeah, fun Reggae drums!  Through punk and ska I grew to appreciate Reggae, but through being bummed out about that culture’s deep seated homophobia and the fact that most of it is super repetitive and boring and for dad’s on vacation.  I’m just glad that 311 taught me to love those smooth Caribbean sounds again (oh god am I joking or am I serious, I can’t tell any more please save me).

11. Journey to the End of the Easy Bay - I can still play this bass line and was very proud of myself the first time I half-way pulled it off.  It doesn’t sound as smooth and nuanced as the way Matt Freeman plays it, but goddamn it I think that was the height of my skill as a musician.  This song rules themes about needing to belong and finding a place with people who thought and felt the same as you...and then losing it as everyone grows out of it.  This was most of my early 20’s. I grew up in a scene with similarly minded people, it eventually ended and I still have contact with some of those people but that point in my life will never be replicated. I finally belonged somewhere and was part of something bigger than me.  Now I do comedy and it is bleak, entitled, and sad and mostly alcoholics talking about their dicks.  Please take me back.

12. She’s Automatic - This is not a bad song but a very confusing way to describe a woman.  I get that it means she is effortless in “the way that she moves” but maybe I’m not giving Lars any poetic license because he looks like a guy who punched books. This woman sounds great though, and I’m sure they dated for three months.  Revisiting this and that era reminds me that I almost had sex with a girl at the first X-men movie...man, being punk ruled.

13. Old Friend - Back to the Raggae!  This song is pretty great, but they really missed an opportunity of selling this to a heartburn medicine company.  “Good morning heartache, you’re like an old friend come and see me again”...that would be perfect for a commercial of a guy eating a giant plate of lasagna and making a “Oh boy, I did it again!” face.  The Transplants sold a song to that fruit shampoo, maybe this is something I can retroactively help negotiate.

14. Disorder and Disarray -  I love when punk bands have songs about “business men” being evil and the industry being bad.  Like when Against Me were part of an Anarchist collective and then on a major label putting out really bad music.  Rancid was at least on Epitaph, which while arguably not “cool” it was at least run by a kind of punk dude who is responsible for the biggest/shittiest corporate garbage of a festival, The Warped Tour.  This song has a part towards the end where they talk to each other like David Lee Roth would do in Van Halen songs, that rules.

15. The Wars End - I get that this is a song about little Sammy being a punk rocker but at this point I think they should have admitted this album was fine with 10-12 songs and maybe some of these were super repetitive and unnecessary.  It's like you’re forcing it. I can’t imagine the dude who recorded it had a lot of fun and he probably fell asleep and was startled awake and had to pretend like he’d been paying attention the whole time.

16. You Don’t Care Nothin - This starts out with the exact chord progression from Journey To The End Of The East Bay….c’mon guys. You Don’t Care Nothin about being succinct and making your songs individual expressions of art! The themes even seem like something they’ve already gone over.  I’m going to eat some soup, brb.

17. As Wicked - Is this a different song or a weird breakdown?  Oh, it’s a different song.  Well...this soup is pretty good.  Chicken Noodle, but the chunky kind.  It isn’t amazing but it is good. I should really cook more.  Maybe I’ll order Chinese later.

18. Avenues & Alleyways - I don’t really have a problem with this song because it has the “Oi oi oi” chant that the bands I was in during High School would do and we had no idea why other than popular bands doing it.  It is very catchy.  It sounds like the other two songs were just building up to finally getting your attention back. Plus it has a breakdown with people clapping, that is always fun.  This has to be the last song right? It is the perfect last song on an album!

19. The Way I Feel -  FUUUUUUUCK!  What? Really should have ended the album on that last song, it had a good “anthem” vibe and at least wrapped this up into a somewhat sensible endeavor.  This song could have been stuck in the middle somewhere, or maybe just not recorded with about seven others?  The Way I Feel about this album is that there are some parts that hold up and are still fun to listen to, but the rest of it just seems like I’m being forced to read my own teenage diary and it is boring and sad. Nostalgia is a bummer, I can’t imagine having Rancid still be my favorite band.  I’d probably still wear a chain wallet and spiky bracelet and be one of those obnoxious old drunk weirdos I see at shows that stick out like crazy sore thumbs. Bummer dude.

    Oh wow, what a journey (to the end of the east bay, am I right?)...I’m glad I was finally able to get this review out so people could finally know what this album means to me and my generation of lazy weirdos. This took me six months to write and I should be congratulated for being a journalist with tons of integrity and great taste.  True punks never die, they just eventually chill out and shop at Kohl’s.

[autumn-in-phandom]

“Did Dan get TOO TAN?”

(Sept 19th 2017 Dan liveshow timestamps)  

0:03 After an awkward pause and salute: “Hello cyber friends” (instant regret and reflection)

0:29 (Dear god, don’t grab your laptop by the screen like that Dan.)

0:44 Grimace #1

1:06 No Dan, you do not look *atol* different. That tweet, title and pic are all just clickbait.

1:10 (Bronze my ass.)

1:19 Hitting us with that meme.

1:25 (Didn’t need to be in your face thanks. Teasing angles?)

1:36 “Never say Trumpy ever again, in any circumstance.”

1:45 Lovely pores and freckles.

2:00 Obviously everyone subscribes to YouTubers for their freckle content.

2:30 Livestreams are “a mistake” because of the chat clinging on to one thing and spamming it.

2:40 No probing or questioning at airport, big grin.

3:01 “The broadband is terrible but the 4G is great.” Okay…

3:17 “The toasty Dan experience”, orangish filter.

3:26 Double rhyme: “I guess that’s a rhyme, yeah that’s fine” (okay it’s a slant rhyme)

3:47 “Buttered crumpet Daniel.”

4:02 “Went to an island in the Mediterranean.” (This is exactly the answer I expected and quite frankly the only one he should give.)

4:09 “Literally did nothing for about six days, it was great.”

4:15 ‘I am Pilgrim’ book recommended by his mum.

4:30 Tricked into reading 900 page book.

5:00 Holiday was incredibly relaxing.

5:10 “Ordeal” getting there, delayed flight, three hours “traumatizing”

5:22 “Haha long boye” “literally, shins driving into my chest, bleeding” alright hyperbolic humor Dan. “Tough.”

5:38 “Violated” on flight by guy’s elbows, “no respect for personal space”, “fully leaning into me”, “didn’t even care”, “honestly an icon for all of us.” (Was it Phil?)

6:03 3 am, old driver, mini bus, cliff roads, did pre-ritual preparing for death.

7:00 “So much yogurt”, doesn’t know why.

7:05 “Assaggetti” tweet, we can shame him, “has the worst sense of humor in the world”, check it out and unsubscribe, doesn’t remember the language (Italian), apologizes, “constantly problematic”.

7:55 “Got that D from the S up above” (vitamin D, or Phil…)

8:16 Phil came on the holiday in case anyone didn’t know.

8:18 “He went from like glass to pale ivory, which is good”, “Phil is someome who erupts in freckles whenever he goes outside, so it’s hard to tell if he tans or if your eyes are just kinda like drawing the dots between the space all the freckles are, if you know what I’m saying.” (Wow, I… I’d like to think you mean what I know, but I’m not sure. Wow.)

8:37 Someone in the chat: “Nice Ursa Major on that cheek boy”. Turn, pose, laugh.

8:41 “The Bigger Dipper of my self esteem.”

8:53 Good day: watched Bake Off and answered emails, “thrilling”.

9:13 Tumblr likes, fan art, “beautiful to celebrate the great people.”

9:43 “The internet is not here”, laughs, sighs, apologizes.

9:55 Some peer pressure advice.

10:25 Had to check what his video title is.

10:35 I don’t know why he bothers to ask if we watched either.

10:55 Accept that he does things by his British calendar.

11:11 Why he didn’t he talk about uni stories when it was happening. Ashamed? Yeah, processing turmoil at the time.

11:55 Now shares traumatizing, terrifying, shameful, embarrassing stories straight away.

12:15 Rowing club guy AU… (not what I was thinking)

12:46 Laundry story: Phil was nice, Dan didn’t ask, *literally* ordered a cab, turned up with suitcase, Phil assumed he dropped out and was moving in, “I’ve had a day and I’m going to wash my socks in your washing machine.”

13:13 “If you struggle to function as a person-” (I really wish he had finished this sentence)

13:15 Asda sponsor for crying in the cheese aisle?

13:23 Pasta burn shaming (were you just never in the kitchen with your mum Dan?)

13:36 Dropping laptop so much recently.

14:00 Never taught cooking, laundry, accounting.

14:18 “No one told me shit!” (in Dan’s face again).

14:33 “What happens when I’m 23?! How do I do a tax?!”

14:54 It was ravioli (pretty sure the instructions mentioned water Dan…)

15:15 Thick as in stupid, not thicc fat booty.

15:30 “Look Fatima, we all have different life experiences, okay?” (lol)

15:36 “Ravioli ravioli, give me the death I deserveioli.” Relates.

15:45 Rihanna livestream, forehead fetishist? Wouldn’t mind if anyone leaves for that.  

16:08 Not up on BTS, DNA.

16:33 Shames Eden for “let me see that pastussy” comment, “leave.”

16:45 “Love on the Brain”. He really loves Rihanna, amazing, blessing, doesn’t give a shit, casual, informal, etc. “Bitch Better Have My Money.”

17:25 Is sure BTS video with be “pure and beautiful”, expects “softly applied eyeshadow and very fluffy hair”, he’s sure he’ll enjoy.

17:38 Maybe new gaming video/livestream tomorrow.

17:45 Overcooked, ironic kitchen fire, foreshadowing.

18:08 Wasn’t sure if he should get into Chinese guy story again, but he has to.

18:13 Deep breath: “It was 4 am, I’d been you know, well hydrated that evening, but I decided I needed another drink” go into the kitchen, everyone else was asleep, guy had a whole chicken, with neck and feet, fine but surprising, tiniest pair of white y-fronts, hacked head off and made eye contact, just couldn’t, usually would awaken some kink in him…

19:39 Pool pic, shout out to friend, no consent, relaxing, absorbing sun like a lizard, *basking*, fell asleep, lucky it was a pool and he didn’t drift out to sea, sun stroke vid reference, “the bad tan”.

21:08 People saying “trying to be cute”, the double chins (really?!)

21:21 The least Dan-like photo.

21:33 Thought it would ruin his Instagram aesthetic.

22:10 Lack of other content: relaxing, reading,

22:24 Took a couple other photos, sunset selfie, “no one’s going to take a photo of me” (what the hell happened to your personal photographer?) but then people came (please post, please!)

23:40 Bake off is his life, “Noel Feilding is a national treasure”, caramel was torture while hungry, faves are Liam and not!Val (what did he whisper about Liam? Really wanted him to be…?)

24:30 *Maybe* Halloween Baking, they don’t think that far ahead about anything.

24:48 Phil’s role in Dan’s video, mugging scene took nine takes, afraid to punch him. Outtakes please!

26:03 (grimace #2) “Hello Grandma, my name is Daniel, I’m a wholesome person, that’s a very great influence”

26:16 Wachowski films

26:23 Dan floating in donut plushies would be very challenging.

26:33 Dan flips a bit at the idea that’s it’s weird to like people who don’t know who you are. Uses Ed Sheeran as example.

26:55 Scrolls past person who said they feel better when they have a dream about Dan and Phil.

27:17 Cared more about YouTube than university socializing and class, Pom Bear Massacre reference, made Tumblr account.

29:09 Chapped lips, season changed the moment he stepped off the plane.

29:42 “Okay Universe, I know I can be a bit of a downer, sometimes.”

29:51 Haley Barry Storm powers

30:08 Yes the furry blanket comes out, polyester, sad pimp, Marks & Spencer.

31:06 Ready for everything seasonal, autumnal Yankee Candle range, not haute, but fun themes.

31:31 Frisbee laptop across the room on to the bed, missed.

31:46 Candle haul, yes it is content we need right now!

32:26 Furry invasion on Splatoon, scaley, yiffing proposition, “this is a family game”, not shaming just concerned for kids, though it is hentai-esque…

33:27 Sonic: 2010 reminiscing, formatting of boxes.

34:04 Was stupid side kick, Phil being good, Dan trying to be helpful, actual just a cheerleader, Phil was disgusting, doesn’t know if Phil even knew what he was saying (of course he did).

34:38 Didn’t know uni vid was trending

34:52 Reflection (I think that’s the piano nook)

35:00 Weird because of swearing, someone at YT didn’t watch the vid, “Ah, keep doing that, don’t watch my videos, just know that I’m a good person…”

35:25 “I make great friendly content.” (grimace #3)

35:30 Explains why trending isn’t automatic. Yes, think of the children.

36:05 “But hey, I’m not bad, everything’s fine”.

36:45 “People of all genders do and don’t wear makeup”.

37:10 (I’m pretty sure that the no candles with birds is because of the fumes.)

37:25 What is with the nose touching when confirming Spooky Week? “Next video (nose touch) soon, don’t worry”…?

38:28 “Fans of everything are annoying, that’s just what happens when people are enthusiastic about stuff.”

39:19 Dan doesn’t get annoyed by different fandoms. Says more about the people being annoyed, part of their own insecurity, their lack of community, togetherness, celebration, shared experiences, jealous or sad, or maybe everyone just everyone’s annoying.

39:56 Dream Daddy: so dangerous saying Dilddy. Dan likes Damien, great taste, immaculate presentation, probably not Dilddy’s romantic soulmate.

40:31 Dan is in like ten fandoms (makes a face).

40:45 Chat: “Will Phil become a furry, what’s your fursona?” Dan: “Is it time to go?”

40:55 Has never thought about it, promises he’ll get on it soon, he knows what the internet wants from him.

41:31 Chat full of fursona suggestions. He’s going to start crying.

41:52 “A llama fucking hell.” “Look at the time.”

42:01 Going to go into a (not disturbing) hole later looking into axoltl fur suits.

42:24 Elf on a shelf meme, was going to post a Dan one, “old meme!” (Still don’t need to be up in your face Daniel.)

43:27 Really wants to go see IT, needs to see Mother.

44:04 Shut up! American Horror Story, makes him happy. Loves Sarah Paulson (is his life), feels represented by a lesbian with anxiety. Evan Peters is great, looks gross, or great depending.

45:25 His fursona should be a big bear, I agree. What a reaction.

45:46 Left comb on holiday, looks like a bush.

46:13 (grimace #4 at group chat names.)

46:20 “What is wrong with all of you?”

46:22 Glosses over diet ask. Indeed.

46:26 “Don’t call me Uncle Dan when we’re talking about fursonas.”

46:36 “If you live in Australia vote for marriage equality, we don’t need to have this conversation.” “Come on, come on Australia, sort your shit out.”

47:03 Going to “innocently Google things that are fine”.

47:22 “Me and Phil would love to come to Russia”.

47:27 Limitations of TATINOF.

47:44 Watch uni vid: “Don’t take it too seriously. Remember that most of the time I’m just trying to be funny, and if you ever want like my real feelings or opinions, just think about whatever the opposite of what I’m saying is, and that’s usually how to get to the sincere heart of whatever Dan’s talking about.”

48:13 “Stay calm, ask some senpais for some life advice and think carefully about what your fursona should be.”

#phan #dan liveshow #dan and phil #dan livestream #dnp timestamps

[marblefeet08-blog]

Chef Summit 2018

FTC Disclaimer:  This trip was sponsored by Certified Angus Beef® Brand in conjunction with a social media campaign through Sunday Supper LLC.  All opinions are my own.

Earlier this month Alexis and I were thrilled to attend Chef Summit 2018 at the Certified Angus Beef® Brand's Culinary Center.  Chefs from all over North America came to

get hands-on butchery lessons and break down a side of beef,

see the level of dedication and care that goes into producing the Best Angus Beef, and

gain a better appreciation of under-utilized cuts to use for delicious and profitable menu items.

Here is some of the fun that David Dial (Spiced...One Dash At A Time), Cindy Kerschner (Cindy's Recipes and Writings), Alexis and I had while getting to learn side-by-side with the chefs. 

Day 1

The first day was a reception followed by a dinner prepared by the talented chefs of the Culinary Center. 

Because the event started in the early evening, Alexis and I drove up instead of flying.  This allowed us to enjoy a casual drive through the slightly mountainous Kentucky/Tennessee border, rolling horse country of Kentucky, and the bucolic countryside of Ohio.

Tara opened the event with a session about the history of the brand.  Fun Fact: The Certified Angus Beef® Brand all started because a rancher got a flavorless, tough steak at a restaurant.

The brand began as a desire to foster quality beef.  This program was built on a foundation of quality specifications formulated by a meat scientist.  To this day, quality is the key to their pull-through marketing strategy.

Waste not, want not.  The chefs use trimmings from the Meat Lab to create tasty beef sausages. The tasso is a beefy spin on a spicy Cajun ham that we have made at home, and it was my favorite of the bunch.

Melon wrapped with cured beef - the salty and sweet combo worked well together. 

Shut the front door!  Poke-style cap steak on taro chips.  The very rare cap steak was lightly coated with an array of Asian flavors, and the crisp chip brought the texture.  This was my favorite dish of the appetizers, and I'd love to serve this at an Eggfest or cooking demo.

The Culinary Center's Lead Chef, Ashley Breneman (Cutthroat Kitchen, Chopped Grill Masters Napa, and Master Chef), talks us through the variety of dishes that they created for us.

Shaved Teres Major Flatbread would be a fun shared appetizer or an entree.

Pasta made with a luscious smoked chuck roll that was straight up comfort food.

The real show stopper, for me at least, was the Osso Buco-style Beef Short Ribs. I love beef short ribs anyway, but the presentation just makes it that much better. These were fan-freaking-tastic.

After dinner, Matt Shoup and I checked out the Culinary Center's dry aging and meat curing cabinet. They are lucky we brought our small car and not our truck or this cabinet "might have disappeared".

That's the funky stuff!  There was some 55 day dry aged beef in here.

Day 2

We hit the ground running in the Meat Lab the next morning.  I've gotten to experience the Meat Lab once before for Grill Talk but we were only breaking down primals then.  This time we were breaking down a half steer.  

I don't mean that we watched someone break down a half steer.  Each team of 4 or 5 people had our own side of beef to butcher. 

Ain't no party like a Meat Lab party.

The morning session opened with The Science Behind The Sizzle™, explaining how each of the 10 science-based specifications ensures a flavorful eating experience.

I harp on the 10 Science-Based Specifications because they are the important difference between Certified Angus Beef® Brand and other Angus brands.

Then the fun really kicked in! Diana Clark, Meat Scientist, took us through breaking down a side of beef, step-by-step.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intimidated.  What's the best way to get over being intimidated?

To get over intimidation, you jump right in when they ask for a volunteer during the demonstration. And as fate would have it, I got to saw off the bone-in brisket.  I love brisket. 

I did that!  Can you see the brisket flat and point layered in there between the bones and fat? I have to say this gave me a better appreciation for and understanding of that glorious cut of beef.

David Dial got right in there too.

As soon as they showed us a step, we would go back and repeat (or attempt to repeat) that step on our steer.

At the lunch break, I was able to "IRL meet" Chef Gavin Pinto.  One of Chef Gavin's many roles is hosting Certified Angus Beef® Brand's Facebook Live videos like this one about smoking beef.

One of our lunch recipes was Shredded Certified Angus Beef® Chuck Roll Philly Cheesesteak with Parmesan Truffle Fries. 

I was a big fan of the chuck roll this weekend after having it in three different dishes.  It's like a cross between brisket and chuck roast. Beefy, tender, and luscious.

Asian Zing Stir Fry using Certified Angus Beef® Clod with Steamed Rice and Stir-Fry Veggies.

To move the large pieces of beef around, the Meat Lab utilizes a ceiling mounted rail system of suspended hooks.

Diana watching some of her students practicing what she demonstrated.

The class is an experience in understanding where the individual cuts come from and how its location affects the taste, tenderness, and appearance of the beef.  An example of this would be how the chuck eye and rib eye are right next to each other, so the chuck eye is close to the same palatability of the ribeye but usually at a much cheaper price.

First, look at the marbling of this skirt steak!  Second, did you know that the skirt steak is the steers diaphragm? 

Two of my teammates, Matt and JJ, fabricating smaller cuts.

Matt did the Osso Buco treatment to our beef ribs.  I can't wait to try this at home and create a recipe with it.  

After a long day in the Meat Lab, we were treated to dinner at The City Square Steakhouse.

Day 3

The third day started bright and early....well at least early, I'm not sure how bright I was...at Atterholt Farms.  This family farm owned by two brothers is a seed stock program (breeding for other ranches) with 50-80 head depending on the time of year.

This farm has 700 acres for the cattle, feed hay farming, and crops such as soybean and corn.

We learned that raising cattle to earn the Certified Angus Beef® Brand designation is no accident.  I was amazed at the planning and forethought that goes into it. The Atterholts start with artificial insemination.  Here's the quick takes of what I learned about that process:

Ranchers get a bull semen catalog that lists statistics about prospective bulls and their expected progeny differences.  This lets them select the ideal bull for meeting the 10 specifications.

Bull semen costs about $20 a vial which is good for one attempt.

Bull semen can be frozen and lasts indefinitely so it is possible to breed using semen from a champion steer that has been dead for years and years.

The Atterholt's success rate with A.I. is about 60%.  

They target the same calving date each year (during January - March) so about 285 days prior to the cow's last calving date, they attempt the A.I.

The month after A.I. attempts, any cows that go into heat (meaning A.I. didn't take) are placed with a "clean up" bull to attempt normal insemination.

Page from a bull semen catalog. It's kind of like Match.com for cattle.

The tag on the ear has 3 numbers.  The large middle number is the cow's ID# with the first number being the last digit of the year the cow was born (in this case, 2015) and the next three digits are just the order of birth, so this was the 25th calf in 2015.  The top number is the mother's ID# and the bottom is the birthdate.

Expected Progeny Differences are statistics that let the rancher know the genetic worth of a prospective bull and the probable traits of its offspring.

The calf on the left is Ferdinand.  He is a "bottle calf" meaning his mother rejected him and wouldn't care for him so the Atterholts had to bottle feed him, requiring a lot more resources and effort.  Murphy, the dog, loves Ferdinand.

This shot was taken in June....not February.  It was just a cold snap.

After the ranch, the chefs had a session on marketing while we bloggers got a tour of the facilities.

Certified Angus Beef® Brand headquarters has a wonderful set up for their photography and video productions.  The prop closet alone is a food blogger's dream.  

They have kitchens every time that you turn around.  I think they had a total of 4? This is the kitchen that they use for their FB Live videos.

I found out that the Certified Angus Beef® Brand is a great employer to work for.  They have an onsite physician, psychologist, and a lawyer for the staff to utilize for their personal needs! I was seriously impressed.

G-schedules are specifications set out by premium brands for the USDA graders to determine if the beef they are examining meets the premium brand's requirements. There are hundreds of them.  Certified Angus Beef® Brand's schedule is Schedule G-1 because they were the first such program in the country.

Me, Alexis, David, and Cindy in one of the many kitchens.

Cook-off

The last part of the event was the cook-off using the 5 teams.  We had to pick one of the cuts that we trimmed out on Day 2.

Scoring was based on taste, texture, appearance, presentation, and cost-effectiveness.  You also got bonus points for using more obscure cuts of beef.  We went with the mock tender.

We had access to farm fresh produce and anything in the pantries and freezers.

I was on a super-talented team, it was fun just getting to watch them in action and help out. Jorge, Matt, and JJ were rock stars.  I need to learn to cook with their speed and efficiency.

With 5 cook teams, you can imagine the kitchens were crazy busy.

Alexis shredded smoked chuck roll for her team's dish.

We used the mock tender for this Cuban-style tartare with a red-eye gravy aioli, crispy fried potatoes, a sous vide egg, and blue corn Johnny cakes.

I forget the description for this one but I know that it used the inside skirt steak

Smoked chuck roll ragu.  They smoked the chuck roll for 4 hours and then braised it to finish.  This was my personal favorite of throwdown recipes.

Thin sliced coulotte, blackberries, radish, fennell and Fresno chiles. 

The winning dish was Soy Braised Beef Belly Bao Buns with Pickled Cucumbers and Onions.

Here is the costing sheet for our dish.  You can see how using these lesser known cuts really boosts the profitability of a menu item.  Use beef tenderloin instead and you have a much different bottom line.

Before we knew it, the Chef Summit was over and it was time to bid the Culinary Center farewell.

Source: http://www.nibblemethis.com/2018/06/chef-summit-2018.html

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

[bakerbattle46-blog]

Moms of Kids Baking Championship Season 6: Indian Upma Recipe

Do you all love trying new foods?  You'll love this Indian Upma recipe from my friend, Indu, another Mom from Kids Baking Championship Season 6 — I'm so excited to share it with you!

In the coming weeks I'll be posting recipes from my new friends that I met last summer when we were all in New Orleans with our kids for the taping of Food Network's Kids Baking Championship Season 6.  (Read more about that whole WILD story here plus see pics of our trip to tape the show.)  One of the neatest things about these new friends, besides that we hit it off so well and have this crazy deep connection that is such a huge blessing, is that we are all so different!!!  We're from all over the country, with very different backgrounds, cultures, and religions, yet we all just laugh when we're together and have a blast!  We also think it's SO special how much our kids all love each other too.  God is so good you guys, the people He brings into our lives in ways you'd never expect.  🙂

Recently those of us who could make it met up in New Jersey/New York City for a few days (to watch the finale together!) and Kasey and I stayed with Indu and Karthik's family.  They were such wonderful hosts and we had a great time being with them and seeing everyone.  (Subscribe to my Youtube channel and click the bell to be notified when a new video goes up, because soon I'll be adding a fun new video all about our out-East trip!)

Indu made this Indian Upma recipe for us and the flavor, oh. my. gosh you guys, it was bursting with flavor!  Indu said this is what she makes when they're short on time and she needs a quick breakfast that everyone loves.  Yep, they have this for breakfast.  She said, “we eat savory breakfasts, not sweet”.

By the way, to all of you other Moms from the Kids Baking Championship Season 6 show, I'll be coming for you next, asking if you'll share a family favorite recipe too!  

Moms of Kids Baking Championship Season 6: Indian Upma Recipe from Indu

Author Indu via Kelly the Kitchen Kop

Yield 6-8 servings

Below are the original notes from the recipe Indu uses, with my own modifications added since I made a bigger batch to feed 6 of us, which includes 3 hungry men.  🙂

(Plus you know me, I'm always playing with recipes!)  This has a little spicy bite to it but not too much, it's just bursting with delicious flavor.

Ingredients

4 Tablespoons oil, I used sesame oil

2 teaspoons mustard seed (I used 2 Tablespoons)

1 teaspoon chana dal/split chickpeas, optional (Indu didn't use these and neither did I)

1 Tablespoon lentils <-- those are the ones I used, but I used a little less than Indu because I don't love them

2 dried red chilis (I found a bag of them at the store)

A few curry leaves <-- those are the ones I used, I threw in about 6 of them

Optional:  1 teaspoon cumin/jeera, but Indu didn't use this and I liked it without too -- I loved the Indian taste of this dish and think cumin would make it taste more like a Mexican dish.

2 teaspoons ghee/clarified butter (I used 3 Tablespoons because oh how I love my healthy fats, especially this kind of ghee)

1/2 onion, finely chopped

2 inches ginger root, peeled and finely chopped (or 2 teaspoons dried)

3 green chili peppers, finely chopped -- Indu just cuts them open down the middle

6 cups water (I used bone broth for extra nutrition, but Indu's family is vegetarian so they use water)

1 teaspoon sugar (I used a bit more)

1 teaspoon salt (I used sea salt and more like 2-3 teaspoons)

2 cups cracked wheat/bulgar <-- that's the kind I used

Juice of 1 organic lemon

4 Tablespoons of chopped cilantro/coriander

Instructions

I made this in my big 16" frying pan.  (Read more about my FAVORITE pan here or you can snag one here.)  Indu made it in a large skillet on the stove.  The amounts below are enough to fill my 16" pan and fed all 6 of us with just a little bit of leftovers, but we ate it as a side dish for dinner with some chicken.  As I said, Indu's family eats it for breakfast.

Heat the oil, mustard seed, optional chickpeas, lentils, red chili, curry leaves, and optional cumin.

Sauté until the mustard seeds pop a little, then add in ghee, onion, ginger, and split green chilis and sauté well.

Pour in water/broth and bring to a boil as you stir in the sugar, and salt.

Keeping the heat on low and slowly add in the cracked wheat, stir continuously to prevent lumps from forming.  Keep mixing until all the liquid is absorbed.  Cover and simmer on low heat for 5 minutes or until the Upma is cooked well/completely soft.  It'll sort of have the consistency of a very well-cooked rice dish.  You'll LOVE the wonderful flavors.

Before serving, stir in the lemon juice and cilantro.

Let me know what you think!  By the way, get someone to help you with the chopping and the time it takes to actually whip up this recipe is pretty fast.

Adapted from this recipe.

Did you make a real food recipe?

I want to see it! Tag @KitchenKop on Instagram and hashtag it #KitchenKopRecipes OR share anything you know I’ll love by tagging @KitchenKop and hashtag #KitchenKop -- see you over there!

In case you're wondering whose Mom is who in the photo above…  left to right:  Mindy (Madison's Mom), Moraydda (Nyah's Mom), Sasha, sitting on the floor (Misha's Mom), Indu (Karthik's Mom), Suhair (Jenna's Mom), and me, Kelly (Kasey's Mom).  Sadly the others couldn't join us this time.  🙁

Watch the recipe video here — Moms from Kids Baking Championship Season 6 Family Favorites:  Indian Upma from Indu:

More you might like:

Source: https://kellythekitchenkop.com/moms-of-kids-baking-championship-season-6-indian-upma/

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

[bubblesweets6-blog]

Moms of Kids Baking Championship Season 6: Indian Upma Recipe

Do you all love trying new foods?  You'll love this Indian Upma recipe from my friend, Indu, another Mom from Kids Baking Championship Season 6 — I'm so excited to share it with you!

In the coming weeks I'll be posting recipes from my new friends that I met last summer when we were all in New Orleans with our kids for the taping of Food Network's Kids Baking Championship Season 6.  (Read more about that whole WILD story here plus see pics of our trip to tape the show.)  One of the neatest things about these new friends, besides that we hit it off so well and have this crazy deep connection that is such a huge blessing, is that we are all so different!!!  We're from all over the country, with very different backgrounds, cultures, and religions, yet we all just laugh when we're together and have a blast!  We also think it's SO special how much our kids all love each other too.  God is so good you guys, the people He brings into our lives in ways you'd never expect.  🙂

Recently those of us who could make it met up in New Jersey/New York City for a few days (to watch the finale together!) and Kasey and I stayed with Indu and Karthik's family.  They were such wonderful hosts and we had a great time being with them and seeing everyone.  (Subscribe to my Youtube channel and click the bell to be notified when a new video goes up, because soon I'll be adding a fun new video all about our out-East trip!)

Indu made this Indian Upma recipe for us and the flavor, oh. my. gosh you guys, it was bursting with flavor!  Indu said this is what she makes when they're short on time and she needs a quick breakfast that everyone loves.  Yep, they have this for breakfast.  She said, “we eat savory breakfasts, not sweet”.

By the way, to all of you other Moms from the Kids Baking Championship Season 6 show, I'll be coming for you next, asking if you'll share a family favorite recipe too!  

Moms of Kids Baking Championship Season 6: Indian Upma Recipe from Indu

Author Indu via Kelly the Kitchen Kop

Yield 6-8 servings

Below are the original notes from the recipe Indu uses, with my own modifications added since I made a bigger batch to feed 6 of us, which includes 3 hungry men.  🙂

(Plus you know me, I'm always playing with recipes!)  This has a little spicy bite to it but not too much, it's just bursting with delicious flavor.

Ingredients

4 Tablespoons oil, I used sesame oil

2 teaspoons mustard seed (I used 2 Tablespoons)

1 teaspoon chana dal/split chickpeas, optional (Indu didn't use these and neither did I)

1 Tablespoon lentils <-- those are the ones I used, but I used a little less than Indu because I don't love them

2 dried red chilis (I found a bag of them at the store)

A few curry leaves <-- those are the ones I used, I threw in about 6 of them

Optional:  1 teaspoon cumin/jeera, but Indu didn't use this and I liked it without too -- I loved the Indian taste of this dish and think cumin would make it taste more like a Mexican dish.

2 teaspoons ghee/clarified butter (I used 3 Tablespoons because oh how I love my healthy fats, especially this kind of ghee)

1/2 onion, finely chopped

2 inches ginger root, peeled and finely chopped (or 2 teaspoons dried)

3 green chili peppers, finely chopped -- Indu just cuts them open down the middle

6 cups water (I used bone broth for extra nutrition, but Indu's family is vegetarian so they use water)

1 teaspoon sugar (I used a bit more)

1 teaspoon salt (I used sea salt and more like 2-3 teaspoons)

2 cups cracked wheat/bulgar <-- that's the kind I used

Juice of 1 organic lemon

4 Tablespoons of chopped cilantro/coriander

Instructions

I made this in my big 16" frying pan.  (Read more about my FAVORITE pan here or you can snag one here.)  Indu made it in a large skillet on the stove.  The amounts below are enough to fill my 16" pan and fed all 6 of us with just a little bit of leftovers, but we ate it as a side dish for dinner with some chicken.  As I said, Indu's family eats it for breakfast.

Heat the oil, mustard seed, optional chickpeas, lentils, red chili, curry leaves, and optional cumin.

Sauté until the mustard seeds pop a little, then add in ghee, onion, ginger, and split green chilis and sauté well.

Pour in water/broth and bring to a boil as you stir in the sugar, and salt.

Keeping the heat on low and slowly add in the cracked wheat, stir continuously to prevent lumps from forming.  Keep mixing until all the liquid is absorbed.  Cover and simmer on low heat for 5 minutes or until the Upma is cooked well/completely soft.  It'll sort of have the consistency of a very well-cooked rice dish.  You'll LOVE the wonderful flavors.

Before serving, stir in the lemon juice and cilantro.

Let me know what you think!  By the way, get someone to help you with the chopping and the time it takes to actually whip up this recipe is pretty fast.

Adapted from this recipe.

Did you make a real food recipe?

I want to see it! Tag @KitchenKop on Instagram and hashtag it #KitchenKopRecipes OR share anything you know I’ll love by tagging @KitchenKop and hashtag #KitchenKop -- see you over there!

In case you're wondering whose Mom is who in the photo above…  left to right:  Mindy (Madison's Mom), Moraydda (Nyah's Mom), Sasha, sitting on the floor (Misha's Mom), Indu (Karthik's Mom), Suhair (Jenna's Mom), and me, Kelly (Kasey's Mom).  Sadly the others couldn't join us this time.  🙁

Watch the recipe video here — Moms from Kids Baking Championship Season 6 Family Favorites:  Indian Upma from Indu:

More you might like:

Source: https://kellythekitchenkop.com/moms-of-kids-baking-championship-season-6-indian-upma/

[biceptual-curls-korra]

So…I figure it’s high time I do one of these.

#TransformationTuesday

Those top photos are from when I was at my heaviest (2009). If I had to guess, I’d say I weighed maybe around 200 lbs? Possibly more since I’ve always carried my weight really well…

(They’re up there as a photo post so you guys can click on them and zoom in and stare how my big thighs and double cheeks were.)

Objectively, I knew I was overweight and living a very unhealthy life. I literally would lay in bed eating an entire package of sugar cookies and bag of Hershey’s Kisses at least twice a week, and I’m not even going to talk about what I could pack away when it came to fast food menus (or how well i had the menus memorized).

About a year went by and I had landed a job that paid enough for me to actually afford a fitness class. I chose Jazzercise and had to convince myself I wasn’t actually dying to get through the first class.

And the second class.

And the third as well.

I started working on portion control and ate more home cooked meals, and I remember being SO hungry at night that I wanted to cry. I’d eat dinner and still feel starving afterwards.

The only reason I was able to stick with it was because the results were immediate (thanks to living a very sedentary life before). Within two months my jeans were too big and everyone kept commenting on the weight loss. 

My confidence levels shot up and with that, I went to my first year at Fanime.

This turned into a bit of a wake-up call for me, because this was the first time I actually encountered a scale with which to weigh myself. I had been so excited to step on that thing, and received SUCH a shock when the number was 185. 

My brain seriously skidded to a bit of a halt and had a bit of a reboot moment.

Because how could I weigh 185 when I had already lost so much before? Just how heavy had I been?? How was I still so heavy NOW??? How had I gained OVER 50 lbs from high school without even noticing???? 

Those looks on my face in my two cosplays are literally my before and after of that scale moment.

Numbers suck.

So, I continued with Jazzercise and portion control into the next year.

I remember looking back at the pictures and just not being happy with what I saw. My results weren’t good enough.

From there, I seriously dove into fitness. I stuck with Jazzercise until I plateaued and turned to the gym. Lost more weight, plateaued again. Turned to gym classes. Lost more weight. Plateaued again. Went back to weights. Lost more weight. Plateaued again. Went back to classes.

This vicious cycle went on for…2 years?

During this time, my friends and I had come to the ridiculous conclusion that we were getting too old to cosplay and had dropped out of the con scene.

And then we decided that was dumb, we missed playing dress up, and decided to return in 2014. And holy shit, it was such a blast.

Hello, Clarice.

Can you guys see the huge difference?? My sewing skills had progressed greatly, I looked fantastic, we were making friends left and right, I had no insecurities I was hiding behind.

And that’s what it really boiled down to for me. Doing something fun without worrying over your insecurities, no matter what they are.

The following year is when I decided to cosplay Korra, and that’s when I actually started looking into the science behind eating clean and building muscle. I wanted to be the most Korra to ever Korra.

And ironically enough, 2015 was the first year I was ever called fat while cosplaying thanks to the release of this video:

Camera angles are such unforgiving things.

I was shocked and hurt for all of…maybe 7 minutes? But then I got over it because that ONE person brave enough to say it to my face was wrong. I looked awesome, my costume looked awesome, and every single person I had bumped into at the con said I looked awesome. 

And what was even more amazing was when I went to look back on all the photos we had taken, I didn’t think I looked fat in a single one. And for those of us who struggle with weight issues, we know how huge that kind of a revelation is.

So yeah. In your face, internet trolls.

I did my best to stick with Korra as my fitness inspiration, but that didn’t work out too well for me. A month before the next Fanime, my grandma passed away and I gained a bunch of weight right before the con. 

That didn’t stop me from donning my most revealing cosplay to date:

I continued to gain weight throughout the rest of summer and it wasn’t until Fall 2016 hit that I told myself I needed to get out of this funk. 

I went back to the gym, picked up kickboxing, and have been working my butt off since.

And now, this is where I am as of 5:30 this morning:

It’s been a LONG journey, but I’d rather be where I am now than stuck at where I used to be.

#transformation tuesday #transformationtuesday #weight loss #cosfit #weight loss journey #fitness journey #cosplay fitness #cosplay

[theunicornqueen34]

Story time! Part 1

Okay so I have a story for you guys, and I am petty sure it will not go anywhere far but I just really have to get this out. So bare with me okay? Also, I will be posting screen shots of stuff later in a part two addition to this when I mark out names because even if my family are terrible people, it would be terrible to have them found out. Like I said, bare with me.

Any and All inappropriate comments will get deleted from my page. I don’t care how close we are, I don’t care if we are family, I don’t care if you are the Queen of England. Though, I am positive that she would never say the things my family does.

Let me lay some back story for you guys. My whole family is conservative. My whole family are hard right wing people. Now, don’t get me wrong. Being that is perfectly okay. But saying completely inappropriate things about other human beings. Being rude, inconsiderate and obnoxious, I will not have on any social media page I may own.

Here is why. I am a people person. I am a caring, devoted person to having others be themselves. I want others to feel comfortable in their own skin, in their own religion, in their own home. So when you blatantly call out someone for being a left winged “loony” or call someone out for their religion, or make fun of their body size. I get angry and I get heated. To the point where I have this huge argument on Facebook, twitter, tumblr, you name it. Most of the ones that happen on Facebook are family. Which to me, sucks. Because I already don’t fit into the family. And what I mean by that is, I’m fat, bisexual and a woman. I don’t fit the “ideal” daughter from the 1950s, sit at home learning how to sow and cook kind of person. So sorry for that family.

Now this is mostly about family because that’s all the screen shots I have for you guys. But let me put it into perspective for you. It all started when Trump was about to be elected and I posted a picture about religion. Now I’m not a religious person, I could care less if god was a thing or not but that doesn’t mean I don’t want people to not have faith. It just means, I don’t have my own. Get where I’m headed here? I want people to be open and happy about their religious beliefs. Especially on my page. I love reading and see how many their are in the world. Now this photo that I posted. Was mostly me stating that any person should have freedom of religion in America. A constitutional right giving to us already. But a man that I looked up too, said it offended him. And naturally, some friends of mine jumped in and started talking some truths. But no one in my family was having it. So my dad and mom joined in on the fun and started arguing with a punch of teenagers about their beliefs and about how they were right. It eventually got so bad, I had to delete the post completely.

There where other instances where family members would come in and discuss how wrong my post was or how left winged I was or the fact I was a snow flake and I couldn’t take change if it hit me in the face. And that’s dead wrong. I take to change very well for someone who’s been through what I have. But that’s a different story for a different time. I never really kept those comments because I didn’t want arguments and I didn’t keep this most recent comment on Facebook, but I will lay my opinion out there for you guys. My most recent comment was about Ariana Grande. I posted a video about how she was dancing in the car to people on a bike listening to her music and I thought it was genuinely heartwarming considering what happened this week. (May 22)

And my uncle posts a comment saying that “she’s just another left winged looney that doesn’t understand the real world!” This comment put a fire in my belly that I had to let out. I mean how could someone say that when she’s just been through a traumatic experience. A bomb went off at her concert and killed 22 people. Yeah, not much to you but to her, that was a lot. To the family of those people, they just lost a family member. Every human on this Earth can relate to losing someone. Losing a family member, losing a loved one. But no, you chose to shove your Right Winged face into a post about how someone is genuinely nice to fans, loves talking to them and taking photos with them, is a looney and doesn’t see the real world. Do you want to know her specific real world right now? Ariana Blames herself for that bombing in Manchester. She genuinely feels bad enough and is paying for funerals and is talking to family members. She is thinking about quitting her music career because of this traumatic experience that No One in the world should have to deal with. Absolutely no one. And I know, you are gunna say, “But I was in the military, I had it way worse.” Let me explain something to you, you signed up for it. You were not drafted. You had a choice. You chose. She on the other hand, did not chose to be in the military, she did not chose to have a bomb go off at her concert. She chose to be a singer and that was her dream, a singer, an artist, a person who didn’t want anything to do with bombs. And kids who wanted to see a concert died.

So when you get ready to post something like you did that was heartless and cruel, I hope you think twice about it and hold your idiot right winged tongue and learn some manners. No one deserves to go through what she did. No one deserves the pain she is probably feeling right now. People please just stop and think before you post comments.

I will continue to delete comments from my pages because arguments are not needed. But I will not hold my opinions back any longer.

#left wing #right wing #human rights #family problems #why am i like this

[aparoxysm]

All the questions for Liz, birch you asked for it

THIS IS GONNA TAKE ME 200 YEARS I HATE YOU.

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

Answered: Her name is Elizabeth Holt, because the first RP I ever used her in was a period RP dated back thousands of years, so I needed something dated and nice, something that REALLY doesn’t fit her character because I wanted to show how much her parents didn’t really know her / connect with her. They would call her Elizabeth at the time and she’d want to vomit haha. Also it had plenty of nick names I could use for other RPs / modern day. Now that it’s 2017 though, I wish I’d chosen a more ethnic last name for her. I grabbed Holt because at the time she was Phoebe Tonkin, and at the time, her and Claire Holt were best friends. It was just easy.

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

Okay so I went through the list again with more determination this time. The Bully, The Former Teen Rebel, Determinator, Consummate Liar,  The Gadfly,  Hair-Trigger Temper, Satisfied Street Rat, High School Hustler,  Jaded Washout, Little Miss Badass, The Munchausen!!!, Person of Mass Destruction, Rebellious Spirit, Schoolyard Bully All Grown Up.

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory?

Answered:  Like. This is hard to answer because in the conventional way, no, she didn’t. But she’s not so scarred by it she’s bitter or hateful of it or anything. In honesty, falling under “The Satisfied Street Rat” trope, she pretty much wouldn’t have it any other way. Her mom had her at like 16/17, and she was a roadie at the time, totally living it up with all things inappropriate for a girl whos not even legal at the time. They had no money, she was born in the back of a car, before she was even able to walk and talk, her mom and her had stayed with random blokes all over the country. For a while, her mom was hooked on oxy, and once she gave that up, she became hooked on boyfriends. Like I give credit to the only reason why Liz is still alive, is because learning to survive was the first lesson she was ever taught through neglect. Her fond memories include always spending Christmas getting drunk with her mother, starting at age fourteen, and travelling to new places all over the country with her, making up funny stories about what each town’s history was. People watching and making fun of those more fortunate, watching crappy late night tv shows and experiencing her firsts with her mom (first period, first shaving experience, first shop lifting gig). The bad memories mostly revolve around her mom picking really gross, really weird men and leaving her alone with them. They were so creepy it pushed her to get out of the house, where tbh, Liz fell into worse situtations.

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

Answered: I mean, even if her mom has chosen many things over the ultimate care for Liz — (cigarettes, booze, men, drugs) — they still have an unbelievably unbreakable bond. Now that her mom is older, she’s calmed down a bit, and she has a lot more wise moments for Liz. To explain lessons she never had while Liz was growing up and not understanding. Even if her mom drives her crazy and still acts like an eighteen year old sometimes, Liz would still drop everything to help her if the situation called for it. Which it does. Often.As for her dad, she has no idea who or where he is. Has no interest either.

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

Answered: Nope.

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

She’s not studious at all, she often finds it hard to concentrate, and being dyslexic, she kind of just avoided work rather than admitted she had trouble with it. She skipped class a lot really early on, and got sent home from her first day of high school in a new state for being a shit head. School was not her friend. She didn’t like any subjects except I think maybe one because she had a hot teacher probably. She hated all the classes she had to do work in.

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood?

Yes and no. She had a lot of people she hung out and spent time with, but none of them actually reached wholesome friendship. She didn’t really trust that any of them really cared about her. The first friend she ever made was Tori. And their friendship went beyond mutual hobbies and rebel causes. They became close like family and still are.

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals?

She was never in one place long enough to have a pet. She likes them though. Always jealous of people who had dogs.

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals?

Yeah for sure. She actually gets on with animals really well.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

Not really, not at all. But then she became a mom so oops? She’s that inappropriate aunt that everyone wants.

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?

Nope and nope.

12. What is their favourite food?

Mexican food. Spesifically tacos and burritos and tequila. Extra guac.

13. What is their least favourite food?

Anything healthy. And she’s not really a sweet tooth either.

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?

I mean once she had a very nice dinner at Taco bell where her and Gus got into a physical and were banned for life. She was so mad at him that night that when she saw that he was in her little slice of heavan at the same time she was, she grabbed his food and smashed it in his face. He threw his drink at her. They ended up brawling and getting held for a few hours at the police station. She was so mad. But it also is one of their most defining moments as a couple.

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

She’s not a GOOD cook, but she knows how to make a few whatever meals. She’s had to look after herself for a long time so she kind of just figured out how to make stuff work. I’m convinced there’s a lot of things she does wrong though, that someone will find out in her adult life like, “what you do this?” and she just kanye shrugs like “yeah i always have why”

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?

Enemies. She collects enemies. Also Taco Bell loyalty cards.

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

Oh hell yeah. She takes so many dumb photos on her phone for blackmail / to secretly love later of the people around her. Her gallery is FULL of photos of people she cares about. And selfies but not the cool kind, the dumb kind. Like stuffing tampons up her nose or using her own hair as a moustache kind of selfies. Or “look at this fat asshole gorging on 200 burritos behind me” selfies because shes such a mean shit.

She also has the photo collage that her and Gus started when they moved from sixth. It’s been plastered a lot of different places, and now, probably sits in a box because she’s moved yet again.

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

Books: none, she hates reading. unless its a trash magazine.Music: rock, 80s hits, super inappropriate rap.Tv Shows: trashy reality tv.Films: crazy stupid love or nothing. dont ask. its a long running joke.Video games; the one kind where you can brutally murder someone and get points for it. (she probably loves wreaking havoc in gta lbh.)

19. What’s their least favourite genres?

Books: anything that is educational or fictional.Music: love songs, country.Tv Shows: ones with really intense plot lines you need to pay attention to 100%.Films: anything that is not crazy stupid love.Video games; ones that involve lots of attention, she gets bored too quickly, also any that she doesnt win at.

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

Not really. But then she’s with / has a child to a Broadway, almost gay, sings-for-a-living dude so. Like she puts up with it as much as Liz puts up with anything. Her favourite songs are definitely completely unrelatable random hits too. I mean like, Waka Flocka Flame’s “No hands” is probably her jam. And she can rap it all perfectly for no apparent reason LOL. She gets TURNT. Also probably Black Skinhead.

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

HAHAHAHA :’)

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

She’s always been creative with her insults and usually completely from left feild. She hits hard with her insults. She also is down to bitch behind backs.

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

HA no. She can’t even remember what she had for dinner the night before.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

She’s all limbs, a kicker, a pusher, a talker and a snorer. She’s a mess when it comes to sleeping, and she also sleeps like a damn log. She often sleeps naked, but if not, then at least in a random tee. And can probably sleep on anything as well.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

When people fall over or hurt themselves, when people think they’re hot shit, when Miles does something dumb, when Gus does something even dumber, when Leo gets hit on by woman and looks like he wants to die, when they get up to drunk shenanigans. I think she’s got an awesome sense of humour personally, she kind of can find the humour in anything. Even the worst of situations. That’s her coping mechanism. Laugh it out so you don’t cry. She and her think she’s fucking hilarious.

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions?

She go out of her way to socialize, she goes out of her way to spend time with the people she cares about, she drinks, she punches people’s arms more, she smiles a lot.

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

Ugh lots. Her daily life, being the biggest joke. Her ability to lose every job she has. That she can’t really do anything right. But she hides all of this, doesn’t even admit it to her closests. They don’t need to know how she feels like a failure every day.

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

That she’s going to fuck her son up. That Gus is going to realize one day that he deserves better and he’ll leave her. Bonus: and he’ll take Miles with him. That Leo will get himself into something she can’t get him out of. That Tori will disappear off the face of the planet one day because of Cas and she’ll have not even a clue of where to find her or how to get her back.

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective?

On the up front? Make fun of them for it, use it against them, plaster it for the whole world to mock. On the down low? Fight it. Fight that fear and show them that she’s been through hell and back, they can get past this too. She’ll be their backbone if they can’t stand by their own.

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

Man, she used to work out so much on Sixth. But I think having Leo with her all the time was an incentive, like that dude is packin! Then she got lazy, she met Gus, she ate lots and had Miles. Now she’s working on dropping the weight she hasn’t been bothered to do anything about for ages.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

Way too much. She’s either wildly fun, feels invincible and completely full of surprises or she’s all that but BAD. She gets aggressive and destructive, abusive and angry. It’s a mess. She often likes to do stuff about things she’s been avoiding thinking about while sober. When drunk; thats when she likes to teach people the lesson she believes they deserve. She ditches other drunk people, she aint got the patience. She’s just like “man see ya never i got burritos to eat”

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

In Sixth, she was a lot more feminine. She wore blouses and heels and pencil skirks becuase of her work. Then once she gave up that job, I imagined her in a lot more yoga pants and tanks because she had no where to be. But now, she’s gone back to how she used to be growing up. She’s a lot more tom boy, sneakers and shorts, ripped denim and holey faded shirts. Gelly band bracelets, hair ties and real 90s stuff.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

None sometimes. Black boyshorts other times.

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

She’s tall, and has a very boyish figure. No defined hips and gangly limbs. She used to have tiny boobs but now that she’s had Miles, theyre bigger and shes not real sure what to do about them. But she wears a lot of baggy shirts so who the fuck would notice? She doesn’t really care about her body, it’s a meat sack, it’s never let her down so far.

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?

Guilty pleasure: Actually venting about legit things and being listened to. Unguilty pleasure: jamming hardcore to shitty rap music. Physicall fighting people.

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

Avoiding the question, keeping important information to herself, running away from her problems, avoiding confrontation, making enemies, causing arguments and fights, being hated immediately. Her hobbies include drinking and spending time with the fam. She can’t sing but she does. Unapologetically.

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?

Not at all. She’s dyslexic and in denial. So she avoids reading lengthy things.

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

Compassion and kindness for no reason. She doesn’t get it, and wishes she could be more like that. She wishes she didn’t find a way to fuck things up so easily. She wishes she was good at literally anything that would give her a good career.

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging?

None of the above.

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

Definitely all of these things. 

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

Heterosexual.

Things she finds attractive; the ability to keep up with her, or match her sense of humour, people with crude language and behavior, wild spirits, people who arent afraid of being judged, bad boys, people who actually get her.

What she wants in a relationship; chaos, humanity, humor, dick jokes

What she needs in a relationship; stability, trust, resilience

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

a) Be a good mom b) Don’t give up on the people she cares about c) Don’t be her mother

I don’t know if she has anything to sacrifice tbh. Her secret ambition though would be to go to school and get a real job, but I doubt she ever will.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

No, she think its all a pile of shit. She thinks religious people are a laughing stock and can’t wait for them to die and realize there’s no such thing as God or heaven.

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most?

Summer. She likes the dry and hot, loves her shorts, love that she tans. She complains a lot about the cold, she hates it. 

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

An uncultured, uneducated, offensive, insensitive asshole. Which for the most part she is, but what people don’t realize is that she was never really given the opportunity to have a real education or proper nurture. She missed out on a lot of valuable lessons that other people have learned the conventional way, and she learned everything she does know, the hard way. She was lied to and abused and neglected most of her childhood, she grew up thinking that the ugly in the world was normal. So that’s the parts of the world she’s now made up of.

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

Usually never. But sometimes, every once and a while, she’ll meet a character that is of the same code. They get on like a house on fire, and it’s always an awesome surprise. Her first impressions always reflect her accurately, yeah. She’s always being dumb or offensive or both.

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

Really inappropriately. She’s the one who steals wedding gifts, or drinks the whole open bar, or causes a scene during speeches, or hooks up with the groom, or gets busted on the dance floor while tripping balls, etc. She’s never been made for corperate or formal events. She thinks dressing up is stupid.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?

Oh yeah. She loves parties a lot for someone who generally hates everyone. But she likes being in the thick of it, meeting new people to argue with or hate on. She likes getting obliterated and doing dumb shit to pass the time. She’s always the one who drags people along haha.

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

The photo collage that her and Gus made, that’s been through every move with them. And her pride. Definitely that.

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

Her ego, some sunglasses that make her look super fly, cash for liquor and a burrito, tampons, mace spray and her keys.

Things she always leaves behind: her dignity.

#ch: liz #oceanicglow