Presenting The Mean Girls Showdown Winners!
10th Place: Cleo De Nile
“Talk is cheap, not unlike Toralei’s earrings.”
9th Place: Jennifer Check
"God, Needy, enough with the screaming! You’re such a cliché."
8th Place: Miranda Priestly
"Details of your incompetence do not interest me."
7th Place: James
"Team Rocket may be dirty rotten criminals, but we're not in the business of destroying children's dreams! At least, not yet."
6th Place: Butt-Head
"You're never gonna get your room fixed up like that, and you're never gonna score. You're just gonna sit around for the rest of your life, spanking your monkey."
5th Place: Emperor Kuzco
"Let me guess, you have a great personality."
4th Place: Mandy Luxe
"Nice face, loser! That is sooo yesterday!"
3rd Place: Regina George
"You can go shave your back now."
2nd Place: Brittnay Matthews
“I was just trying to put myself in a coma so I wouldn’t have to listen to the two of you dipshits trying to talk and breathe at the same time.”
And the number one Mean Girl is...
Heather Chandler
“Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?"
Congratulations Heather Chandler! Even from beyond the grave, she slayed them all!
And congratulations to all of our Top 10!
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Sword gays showdown, round 2 of bracket one
Propaganda:
For Izzy:
‼️SPOILERS FOR OFMD S2‼️Izzy is quite literally THE best swordfighter in the whole show and is renowned worldwide for being virtually unbeatable (except for that one time with Stede but that was a fluke and we don’t talk about it). In his debut scene, he slashed Stede’s shirt into scraps in the sluttiest way possible in less than a second, and he didn’t lay a single scratch on his chest. He was shown to be able to extinguish several candles with a swipe of his sword, without knocking a single one over, ON A FRESHLY AMPUTATED LEG! Not to mention that he’s the embodiment of an elderly shelter cat with a dozen different medical issues and a bitchy attitude, but that’s not the point of this tournament! Izzy Hands, this slutty, sad, sopping wet cat of a man, is the best sword gay among sword gays!
He cuts open a dude’s shirt by spelling out his own name in sword flicks. He later “trains” with the sword shirtlessly, surrounded by candles, in front of said dude.
he's a wet cat
For Utena:
Butch lesbian sword woman, unbelievably iconic, she deserves to win it all.
The whole story is about her using her sword abilities to revolutionize the world and fight the patriarchy! And she is in love with Anthy. (Also, FYI, pretty much any character from this is a sword gay)
Her entire deal is that she fights people with swords to protect her girlfriend. Also she's hot
the og sword lesbian
she is literally THE sword gay, her girlfriend is the sheath for the sword
what is gayer than pulling a sword from your bride’s boobs? letting your bride pull a sword from your boobs
She is THE Sword lesbian, her whole show is swordfighting over the Princess. That's the plot, this lesbian has duels over marrying the princess. And their relationship is canon
Sword Lesbian. That’s it.
MADE ME GAY
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With 230(!) votes, the results are in for round one of the Nice Jewish Character Showdown! Voting for round two is live here, and is open until 6 pm EST on Friday, October 28th. Check below the break for detailed results on the first round of voting!
The Pines twins scratched the Strilondes out of their save file, winning 88.3% of the vote (203) versus their 11.7% (17).
Tommy Pickles is being put down for his nap, losing the vote with 38.7% (89) against Ron Stoppable's 61.3% (141).
As much as I love Toby (and had him as the winner on my own bracket), his political know-how was no match for James Buchanan Barnes, raking in only a third of the votes (31.3%, 72 votes, versus 68.7% and 158).
The war of the SoCal NJBs who rocked our tv screens in the early 00's has been decided, with Seth Cohen losing the vote (19.6%, 45 votes) to Disney Channel's Gordo (80.4%, 185). The power of a bar mitzvah episode!
The first of several tight races, Gretchen Weiners has run over Cher Horowitz with a school bus (don't worry, she's fine), with a vote of 118 (51.3%) to 112 (48.7%).
Second of the neck and neck races, turns out Fran Fine is just what the doctor prescribed, beating Barbie 117 (50.9%) to 113 (49.1%). All those Christmas dresses really don't work in Babs' favor, huh?
Whatcha doin', Rachel Berry? Not winning the tournament, that's for sure! Isabella took Rachel out to the curb, with an impressive margin of 205 (89.1%) to 25 (10.9%). I'm sure Rachel will take it in stride, though -- after all, "you're all minorities, you're in the glee club" (Mr. Schue, s1e7)
In a somewhat surprising (and potentially upsetting) twist, the coded character beats the explicitly Jewish one in the battle of the Smart Bitches, knocking Christina Yang out early and keeping Miss Frizzle in the competition (175, 76.1% to 55, 23.9%). It's okay, Christina, there's space for you in the school bus. Field trip!
No surprises that our next matchup is as close as it is... with 119 votes (51.7%) to 111 (48.3%), the winner of the DC Patriarch matchup is Bruce Wayne himself, Batman. It's okay, Kal-El, I'm still thinking about the Hebrew School class when we discussed your story as a Moses allegory.
I'm convinced that Ben Grimm and Peter Parker go to the same synagogue, which makes his loss to the webslinger a bit easier to handle (29 votes to Spiderman's 201, 12.6% to 87.4%). BTW if y'all haven't read the comic where The Thing becomes canon Jewish, you're missing out.
Is anyone shocked that Spock won the Space Jews matchup? No? Me neither. As much as I love a good Futurama episode, nothing beats Nimoy. Zoidberg's going back in the dumpster he lives in behind the Planet Express building, bringing home 39 votes (17%) in comparison to Spock's whopping 191 (83%).
Yoinks, how'd the Scooby Gang manage to win this one? With a margin I by no means expected to be this definitive, the Mystery Machine pulls ahead of the ENTIRE cast of the X-Men with 154 votes (67%) to their 76 (33%).
In the war of the Magical Boys, the alchemy was not in Edward Elric's favor, getting only 39.1% of the vote (90) to Steven Universe's 60.9% (140).
The last of the neck and neck battles, turns out Sam Manson is going ghost, with 49.6% of the vote to Willow Rosenberg's 50.4% (114 to 116).
I guess my thesis had some public consensus backing, because about two thirds of y'all agree that werewolves are INCREDIBLY Jewish, 143 votes to 87 belonging to Frankenstein's Monster (62.2% and 37.8%). Stream 'Cry Wolf' on Spotify.
Oscar the Grouch's cousin Moishe is definitely pleased with the results here, with the Muppet ranking in 58.3% of the vote against Jake the Dog's 41.7% (134 to 96).
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the poll for how to arrange the brackets just finished with proceeding as originally planned winning!
so, without further ado, here are the lineups ^^
note :: songs with a * next to them may require a content warning. i'll provide specific warnings as soon as i have the time, but as of now please proceed with caution
main matchup bracket ::
alice of human sacrifice* by yugami p / fear garden* by chaa
magnet by minato p / romeo and cinderella by doriko
world is mine by ryo / world's end dancehall by wowaka
triple baka by lamaze p / the disappearance of hatsune miku by cosmo p
meltdown by iroha(sasaki) / luka luka★night fever by samfree
fire◎flower by halyosy / trick and treat by oster project
daughter of evil by mothy / dancing★samurai by kanimiso p
rolling girl by wowaka / matryoshka by hachi
madness of duke venomania* by mothy / alluring secret ~black vow~ by hitoshizuku x yama
senbonzakura by kurousa / outer science by jin
doubleganger by kulfiq / mikusabbath by utsu p
jinsei reset button by kemu / common world domination by pinnochio p
the fox's wedding* by masa works design / tokio funka by takamatt
heat haze days by jin / patchwork staccato by toa
six trillion years and an overnight story by kemu / lost one's weeping by neru
aishite aishite aishite by kikuo / echo by crusher p
setsuna drive by taki yoshimitsu / yoake to hotatu by n buna
a fake fake psychotropic by kairiki bear / therefore you and me by tadanoco
my r* by kurage p / i'm glad youre evil too by pinnochio p
chururira chururira dadada by kurage p / mkdr by deco*27
blessed messiah and the tower of ai by hitoshizuku x yama / 86 by dasu
law evading rock by neru / nakakapagpabagabag by dasu
sand planet by hachi / ghost rule by deco*27
monster by kira / hated by life itself by iori kanzaki
cause i'm a liar by mcki robyns p / honey i'm home by ghost
hole dwelling by kikuo / bring it on by giga
meteor by divela / seraphim on the ring by mitchie m
the court jester by thquib / casino by azari
king by kanaria / villain by teniwoha
lower by lanndo / phony by tsumiki
higanbana milk tea by vane / scapegoat by ghost
queen by kanaria / bug by kairiki bear
honorable mention bracket ::
electric angel by yasuo p (original), giga (giga arrange) / freely tomorrow by mitchie m
po pi po by lamaze p / go google it by wintermint p
black★rock shooter by ryo / bacterial contamination by kanimiso p
i like you, i love you by gevanni p / first love academy • school of true love by nem
(also a quick general note ! i don't have everything ready for a formal polished reveal at the time of posting this. i plan on updating this post with links to the songs and also a visual bracket when i have the time. they'll definitely be up soon, so make sure to check back in a bit for them ^^
i'll also make sure that reblogs are turned on for the final version!)
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gang shit | knj
Your daughter's classmate has a really hot dad. Apparently, you're his arch-nemesis.
○ Pairing: Dilf!Namjoon x Single Parent!Reader
○ Rating: Sfw
○ Genre: Kidfic, strangers/romantic interest, an attempt at humor
○ 1 / 100 Drabble Challenge (Single Parent)
○ Word Count: 1204
○ Warnings: Shockingly none!! aside from my terrible sense of humor, jokes about Crime!!, and also Namjoon's dimples
○ Notes: Inspired by this tweet. I hope you enjoy the first drabble of my 100 Drabble Challenge I'm doing with @sailoryooons - Please check out Hali's drabbles throughout 2024, too! Happy New Year, besties! ✨
○ Post Date: January 1, 2024
○ Masterlist | Send me ur thots
○ What was Jai listening to? GOAT - Number_i
“I don’t make the rules to this gang shit. I just play my role.”
Your eyebrows shoot up, and you cock your head to the side in disbelief. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” Namjoon adjusts his black baseball cap. His bicep bulges out of his short sleeve when he lifts his arm.
You’re too old to be thirsting for a man like this. In all honesty, you’ve been acting childish all day – literally. It’s the last day of school before summer break, and your daughter’s preschool teacher invited parents to an end-of-the-year celebration. Having the privilege of working a hybrid schedule means it’s relatively easy for you to swing by the school with primary-colored cupcakes in hand. They’re the disgusting ones kids love that’ll stain their fingers and mouths bright blue. Oh, to be a four-year-old. So easy to please.
Unlike little Yuna’s father, who has a stick shoved up his ass, and for what?
“What are you even talking about?” you ask with your arms crossed against your chest.
You’d said literally five words to the guy, intending to start a pleasant conversation while the kids ran around the playground and the other parents mingled at the picnic tables outside.
“Hi, I’m Y/N, Brooklyn’s parent.”
Apparently, that was offensive.
Namjoon’s sharp eyes drag up and down your body, and you try not to let his heavy gaze affect you – and fail when you feel your stomach dip.
“Brooklyn said Yuna dresses weird,” Namjoon finally says with a pout that shouldn’t look so cute on a grown-ass man.
“Did she?”
“Are you calling Yuna a liar?”
“No!” This man is so volatile. “I’m just surprised, that’s all. We’ve been practicing using kind words, but, well, you know how kids are…”
Namjoon doesn’t look convinced.
You feel antsy under his gaze, unsure what to say or do. Are you supposed to apologize? Maybe that’s the mature thing to do. You’re still new to this whole “I’m suddenly responsible for an entire human being even though I barely even know how to take care of myself” thing. It’s a little bit unbelievable, actually!
“I’m sorry for Brooklyn’s judgmental behavior. What kind of weird-, what kind of clothes-” you stumble through what you already know is a shit apology, “Which one is Yuna?”
“That’s her.” Namjoon nods in Yuna’s direction.
You look across the playground to the swing set, where a little girl is lying on the swing on her stomach and spinning around with her arms and legs hanging limp. She’s wearing her hair in asymmetrical pigtails, one higher on her head than the other. Her sneakers are mismatched, as are her colorful knee-high socks. Her pants are polka-dotted, her shirt striped, and she’s got a bright purple cape tied around her neck.
“She’s adorable,” you say softly.
“She’s weird as shit.”
Your mouth hangs open when Namjoon shrugs.
“What? She’s my kid; I’m allowed to say that.”
“Fair enough,” you concede with a smile, “So, we got beef now?”
“Yup.”
Namjoon crosses his arms against his chest to match your stance. You tell yourself it’s very inappropriate to be eyeing your new enemy’s boobs when you’re in the middle of a showdown.
“I’m not gonna lie, I don’t think I’m down for going to war for Brooklyn. Usually, I just like to blame her bad behavior on her dad,” you say with a barking laugh. You cover your mouth with your hand when you snort. “Sorry, that was inappropriate.”
“You’re good,” Namjoon finally cracks a smile, and, wow, it’s breathtaking. His eyes crinkle at the corners, his teeth are big and bright, and he has dimples… “Yuna’s mother doesn’t let her dress how she likes, so when I have her, I let her do what she wants. Self-expression is important, y’know?”
You nod because he’s right. Kids should be kids.
“Plus, I like being the fun parent.”
“Right! Who wants the parent with all the stupid rules?” You perk up, taking a step closer because now you’re partners in crime rather than enemies. Maybe. You’ll work on it. He’s too cute not to get up to some parental crime with—gang members, not rivals.
“Not cool parents like us,” Namjoon lightly elbows you.
“Yeah, they can’t ride with our gang.”
Namjoon makes a face the moment the words come out of your mouth. He bites both lips, rolling them in and hollowing his cheeks, eyebrows raised.
“What? What!” you gasp, knowing when you’re being made fun of, even if it’s in silence.
“Don’t ever say anything like that ever again.”
With a huff, you give him a tiny punch to the arm and tell yourself that it isn’t because you want to feel how tight his muscles are.
“You’re the one who–”
“HEY! NO HITTING!”
Groaning, you throw your head back as a tiny blur of pink collides with your body. Brooklyn tugs on the hem of your shirt, repeatedly chanting, “Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,” until you crouch to meet her at her level. Taking her little hands in yours, you hold them to your lips to give her knuckles a quick peck.
“You’re right, I shouldn’t have done that to Mr. Kim,” you admit, “I should apologize, shouldn’t I?”
Brooklyn nods, and the bulbous beaded hair ties at the end of her pigtail braids swing like a deadly game of tetherball.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Kim,” you say as you look up at Namjoon. He taps his finger against his chin in mock thought, and you can’t help but think that you’ll actually punch him if he fucks up this teaching moment by pretending not to accept your apology.
“I forgive you,” he says with another grin that makes you feel like a silly teenager.
“Y’know, Brooklyn, Mr. Kim told me something about you and Yuna…” Brooklyn immediately ducks her chin to her chest. No one has ever looked guiltier. “It’s not very nice to talk about how people look, love. I think you should apologize to Yuna, don’t you agree?”
It takes very little convincing for Brooklyn to run off toward the swings. She flops on her stomach in the swing beside Yuna, and then, after a bit of talking, both girls spin around.
“If Brooklyn throws up from doing that, it’s your fault,” you mutter to Namjoon.
“Real aggressive coming from someone who just physically attacked me.”
“Okay, Mr. Gang Shit,” you quip back, catching Namjoon’s widening grin out of the corner of your eye.
“Listen,” Namjoon touches your elbow, his fingers lingering just long enough for you to give him your attention. Heat spreads along your forearm and makes your fingers tingle. “I don’t really accept either of your apologies. You might need to try a little harder to get me to forgive you.”
“Oh.” You feel your stomach twist.
“Might want to start with getting dinner with me, and then we can see where it goes?”
Oh.
“I mean, if you think it wouldn’t hurt my street cred being seen with the likes of you, then, yeah.”
Namjoon grabs his baseball cap bill and pulls it down until his hat covers his face. “Don’t make me rescind this offer because I’ll do it.”
“Yeah, yeah, we’ll see how it goes.”
Disclaimer: All my writing is fictional and for entertainment purposes only. None of these characters are meant to actually represent the real people mentioned in the stories.
All rights reserved © @gimmethatagustd - Do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my writing. Do not use my writing for any AI purposes whatsoever. Do not use my fics for anything aside from reading and commenting on them. My fics will only be posted on this Tumblr and on AO3 (gimmethatagustd & daddytaehyungie). Request an AO3 account here.
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