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bamfdaddio · 3 years

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X-Men Abridged: 1981

The X-Men, those back-to-the-future mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. Want to unravel this tapestry? Then read the Abridged X-Men!

(Uncanny X-Men 141 - 152) - by Chris Claremont and John Byrne, Brent Anderson, Dave Cockrum, Jim Sherman, Bob McLeod and Josef Rubinstein

While I also committed various fashion atrocities at the age of 14 (tye-die and fauxhawks, oh my), even Liberace would find Kitty’s outfits too much. (Uncanny X-Men 149; Uncanny X-Men Annual ‘81)

We dial back from the v. epic scope of the last few arcs. Instead, 1981 is just a lot of fun! We get:

Storm and Emma doing a Freaky Friday!

the X-Men vs. Magneto (again!)

A surprisingly effective Alien rip-off

An dystopian future! (OoOoOoOo)

Last year was the year of the Dark Phoenix, this is the year of Kitty Pryde. That’s not to say Jean’s death is swept under the rug: all throughout, we see her friends mourning her loss or remembering her fondly. (Scott even gets to have a demonic adventure about it.) But in general, Claremont puts Kitty in the forefront, fleshing out his YA-addition to the team. And what would a YA heroine be without a grim dystopia? Roll out the iconic Days of Future Past!

To be fair, 2013 was a dark time for all of us: What Does the Fox Say somehow got to the top of the charts and I was still watching Glee. (Uncanny X-Men 141)

How cool would it have been to see a name like Jonothon Starsmore or Eva Bell on those tombstones?

Anyway, that’s Kate. Kate’s had it rough. Mutants are at the bottom of the foodchain, most X-Men are dead and only a small cadre of resistance fighters remain, Sentinels dominate, and while she is married to Piotr, her children have been murdered. Bleak. Luckily, the rebellion has concocted the plan to shunt Kate’s spirit back in time to prevent this awful future from happening. (You’ve seen Days of Future Past, the last passably good X-Men film, you know what’s up.)

Let’s do the time warp again! 1981!Kitty’s mind gets taken over by 2013!Kitty, who promptly tries to convince the X-Men that a new Brotherhood of v. Evil Mutants will try to kill Senator Kelly, a presidential candidate who tries to put the mutant menace on the agenda. (Mutants tend to blow stuff up when he’s around.) Since the X-Men recently took a literal trip to Dante’s Infero and also befriended a cosmic world-ending entity, they basically shrug and go: “Yeah, this checks out.”

Off to Washington they go (zoommm) and there, they happen upon the Baddest Bitches in Herstory:

“How dare you hate mutants, senator Kelly! We’ll fix that by killing you!” (Uncanny X-Men 141)

This All-New, All-Different Brotherhood consists out of:

Destiny, a blind woman who can see the future. Definitely the eeriest member of this group. Badass lesbian, though that won´t be canon for years.

Avalanche. Greek who makes things shake. Is a long-standing member of the X-Men Rogue’s gallery, but rarely features in the spotlight. I think he got more characterization in four years of X-Men Evolution than he ever did in the comics.

Mystique. Shapeshifter. Ruthless and unhinged, the Cersei Lannister of the X-Men universe. Absolute legend, secretly the wife of Destiny, currently not as unhinged as she’ll be later. Immediately implied to be related to Nightcrawler: it’s the yellow-eyes-blue-skin-combo.

Pyro. Can manipulate fire, not create it. Absolute pillock, in all the best ways of the word. Originally intended as gay, but they decided to make him Australian instead. (?!)

Blob. Big, strong, immovable. We’ve seen him before.

One of the details in this fight I enjoy is that Storm is still struggling with her leadership, although she has a better grip on things than Cyclops:

Wolverine then proceeds to use those iconic but deadly claws about twice per issue for the next, oh, forty years. (Uncanny X-Men 142)

While the X-Men fight the Brotherhood in the present, we cut back and forth to the future. There, the X-Men consist out of some familiar faces - Storm, Colossus, Wolverine - and some surprises: Magneto (in a wheelchair), Franklin Richards (son of) and an unfamiliar ginger girl called Rachel. (She’ll be important later.) We even learn (one of) Magneto’s names: this is the first time he’s canonically called Magnus.

One of the strengths of Days of Future Past lies in its brevity, the way it tantalizingly taunts us with a brutal but familiar future without giving away too much. It’s single-handedly responsible for all those dark future timelines the X-lines are so fond of which will eventually culminate in time-displaced grandsons from alternative dimensions and the impossibility of a succinct answer to the question: “Who’s Cable?” Too much of a good thing and all that.

Still, what Days of Future Past does so successfully is:

Put the idea of the mutant menace back at the forefront, hammering home the metaphor of mutants being a minority. Mutants being put in camps and being forbidden to breed should - regretfully - make us think of all too many real life equivalents. (Specifically, all of the imagery harkens back to the Holocaust.)

It starkly shows what happens should the X-Men lose, reminding everyone of the stakes. The X-Men are here for a reason: bridging the gap between mutants and humankind. If they fuck up, we end up with mutant concentration camps.

It helps that the X-Men in the future almost all die horribly: Franklin is incinerated, Storm is impaled… It's brutal stuff. The only one to survive is Rachel, who wonders if their plan actually changed the future or if they created an alternative timeline. (It did the latter, sorry ‘bout it, Rachel.)

In the present, Kate chases after Destiny, who trains a gun on senator Kelly. I always wondered how this works: if Destiny saw the future, she knew that killing Kelly would trigger a terrifying future. What in the current Marvel timeline made her decide that the Days of Future Past was better? Did she see her own death? Did she see the Onslaught-crossover coming? The Chuck Austen run? What was it?

In any case, time-anomalous Kate stops Destiny from killing Kelly and the future is safe! For now. Kate disappears, Kitty returns to her body and some of the Brotherhood are apprehended. All is well, for now.

After being a key figure in DoFP, Kitty is also the main character in the Christmas special, which is basically a straight up horror and a pastiche of the Alien-movie.

Seriously, John Byrne still isn’t sure why he wasn’t sued by Ridley Scott for this. (Uncanny X-Men 143)

If you love Kitty Pryde? Read this issue. If you’re not convinced you like 80’s Kitty? Read this issue. It’s not continuity relevant and it’s basically Kitty playing the part of a Final Girl in a horror where she’s being chased by a demon, but it’s so good. It showcases all her strengths and her foibles. Kitty’s intelligent, cute (sometimes preciously so) and brave, but she’s also young, self-conscious and hot-headed. And it's not as if the other X-Men automatically adore her: Storm berates her all the time, she’s afraid of Kurt because of the way he looks (though she grows out of that) and she fights with Professor Xavier a lot. Moreover, she has a clever power-set for a young superhero who faces menaces on a daily basis: a thirteen year old who can go intangible is far less likely to have reality ensue on her and be dramatically offed because she's better at protecting herself.

I’m sure there are people who thought Sprite was hogging the spotlight, but I, for one, say she brings more to the table than, say, Angel. She’s not the Dawn Summers of this franchise.

Scott also gets a side quest. Poor guy can’t catch a break: first the love of his life dies, so he quits the X-Men, then he realizes he can’t do much else than be a superhero. He becomes a sailor on the ship of spunky captain Lee Forrester, is drawn into the sadistic plans of a demon unironically named D’Spayre and then shipwrecks in Bermuda with Lee.

The X-Men, meanwhile, are tormented by a team-up of Doom (who’s currently Latverialess and working on a comeback) and Arcade, that annoying crony. Locke, Arcade’s dom, has kidnapped the loved ones of the X-Men (Moira MacTaggart, Jean Grey’s parents, Illyana Rasputin and Amanda Sefton) in order to blackmail them into getting Doom to free Arcade. Apparently, Arcade accidentally insulted Doom and DOOM DOES NOT FORGIVE THAT FOLLY.

While the B-Squad (Polaris, Havok, Banshee and Iceman) goes to save Arcade’s hostages, the X-Men sneak into Doom’s castle. Well, except for Storm, who doesn’t give a single fuck and simply flies up to Doom, demanding an audience. Doom likes the cut of her jib and invites her to have dinner. (This is pre-Tinder, so this is a legit way of scoring a date.)

If Storm has a flaw (I said if!), it’s got to be her atrocious taste in men. (Uncanny X-Men 145)

The X-Men find Arcade’s cell empty, while Arcade casually saunters up to Storm and says hi. Storm realizes too late that this is a trap: while the X-Men are all trapped in Saw-like traps, Storm is encased in ‘living chrome’.

If you remember she’s claustrophobic, you know why this is a bad move.

While the X-Men free themselves from their traps - Polaris hilariously has to deal with a murderous merry-go-round - Storm is slowly driven mad in her prison, triggering a worldwide tempest. (She causes Lee and Scott to shipwreck.) Under the threat of Wolverine’s claws, Doom releases Storm - or rather, unleashes her.

“Instead of a Dark Lord, you would have a queen, not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Tempestuous as the sea, and stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair!” (Uncanny X-Men 147)

The memory of Jean brings Ororo back to herself and she starts undoing the superstorm she created. (If only climate change were reversed that easily.) Their confrontation ends by Storm easily forgiving Doom, because she apparently trespassed on his grounds without adequate cause.

Mkay.

All of Arcade’s hostages return to their homesteads, except for Illyana Rasputin, Piotr’s sister: she’s staying at the mansion for a while. Angel, who’s sort of been a part of the team since the Phoenix thing, has had it with Wolverine and his ‘tude, and decides to quit the X-Men : he doesn’t want to be a part of an outfit that has a killer like Wolverine on it. (Or maybe he’s just mad Claremont didn’t give him any storylines: his presence has been mostly pointless.) It’s too bad he left before Kitty started experimenting with her outfits: I bet he would have loved her ugly-ass costumes.

Equally inconsequential is the introduction of a brand new character, who then proceeds to disappear from the narrative for the rest of the year:

Black Tom has tried to kill you at least twice, but him sending you a long-lost daughter doesn’t give you pause? Ugh, Sean, you deserve Moira. (Uncanny X-Men 148)

Intrigued by Theresa? TOO BAD, WON’T SEE HER AGAIN ANYTIME SOON.

Another new character is the lonely, decidedly mutant looking Caliban, who can sense “people like him” and is on the lookout for companions. Like many lonely people who try and grasp at friendship, he decides to overshoot his shot and ruin the night of Storm, Kitty and Jessica Drew at a Dazzler concert. Because he tries to kidnap Kitty, the girls react a trifle aggressively. When they realize their mistake - the eerily pale Caliban is a simpleton rather than a menace - he’s already fled. No mention is made of the Morlocks yet!

There’s also another dull annual where the X-Men team up with the Fantastic Four to save Arkon’s dimension from the Badoon and yaaaaawn. Far more interesting is the landmark issue #150. Slowly, through the adventures of Scott and Lee Forrester, Claremont has been setting things up for the return of a favorite villain. While the X-Men investigate Magneto’s old base in Antarctica on a hunch of Professor X and tangle with Garruk, Scott and Lee survive Storm’s tempest, only to wake up next to a strange island that seems to have been raised from the ocean.

It’s apparently some ancient citadel from a long forgotten civilization with a fondness for squid statues. (I don’t know man, I’ve never been to the Bermuda Triangle, maybe this is just super-accurate.)The tentacles make Lee Forrester feel very amorous, but before Scott can tell her he is way too repressed to just have sex with an attractive someone he’s known intimately for a month or two, Magneto saves his ass by revealing he, in fact, raised this island from the seafloor.

Oh, Magneto. So extra.

My ambitious little mutant demagogue then proceeds to take the entire world hostage, showing how much he’s grown from the pompous, raving madman from the sixties. (Sure, Magneto is still a bit of a madman, but increasingly, he starts being on the right side of history.)

“I’m trying to make Magneto more sympathetic.”

“Just put him on a page with some bigger villains who are less noble, like the Vanisher, Count Nefaria, or…”

“Reagan, Thatcher and Brezhnov?”

“Er.” (Uncanny X-Men 150)

It’s obvious Magneto is being pivoted as a more noble villain, codified into the well-intentioned extremist we know and love today. Not only do we get the first hints at his past, fleshing out his motivations, he’s also not wrong. Humans are historically not great at taking care of the planet or each other.

When the Russians call his bluff and launch nukes at Magneto’s new island, he quickly disarms them. His retribution is swift and ferocious: the entire citadel is a machine that massively amplifies his powers. He sinks the submarine that launched the missiles, condemning the entire crew to death, and he casually erects a vulcano in a Russian city in Siberia.

Damn. Not messing around this time.

Despite his good intentions, Magneto is still definitely in the wrong: not only because of his methods, but as Scott points out: if Magneto unifies the world under his kind of benevolent dictatorship, all of that will simply fall apart as soon as Magnus dies.

In a way, Magneto is just as big a dreamer as Charles is: Charles believes in peace and integration, whereas Magneto believes his iron fist will be enough to make a perfect world happen. Both of them ignore the reality that acceptance is difficult and messy, because you’re trying to change essential human nature: the fear of the other. Magneto believes in big, sweeping gestures that will fix the world in move, while changing the world is also boring, hard work. One step forward, two steps back. Magneto just wants to leapfrog to his ultimate goal.

The X-Men fly over the citadel, returning from Antarctica, and their plane crashes into the ocean. (Magneto does not brook planes over his territory, humans!) The Professor is also nearby, looking for Scott with Moira, Peter Corbeau and Carol Danvers. The X-Men sneak onto the island, but to their horror, their powers are nullified by some machine of Magneto. They reunite with Scott, who formulates a plan to thwart the would-be ruler of the world.

While the rest of the X-Men go to trash the machine, Storm, Kitty and Lee infiltrate the control chamber where Storm finds a sleeping, shirtless Magneto. Once again showing her terrible taste in men, she is not weak in the knees at the sight of a sleeping Magnus: instead, she contemplates killing him.

Storm knows how dangerous he is, but she also knows that he’s a great man who’s fighting for ideals, no matter how misguided. She hesitates too long: Magneto stirs, suspects an attack and tosses her out of the window, to her death.

Magneto quickly undoes the sabotage the other X-Men have wrought to his machine. A fight erupts. Storm, meanwhile, has managed to grab hold of a ledge. She crawls back up and smashes an important-looking computer, restoring everyone’s powers.

The battle turns grim, but Scott sends Kitty away to wreck Magneto’s machinery. She sneaks off, following Scott’s orders and destroying both Magneto's power-up device and all of his plans by phasing though the computer circuitry. Magneto senses this and furiously gives chase. Overcome by rage, he attacks Kitty and disrupts her phasing power with a magnetic bolt, seemingly killing her?

Everything about this story beat is great: mama bear!Ororo, mournful Magnus and even the fact that Kitty’s godawful outfit serves a narrative function: highlighting to us (and Magneto) just how young she is. The fact that Kitty’s Jewish is just icing on the cake. (Uncanny X-Men 150)

And thus, the softening of Magneto commences. 1981 might be a year with wildly varying narratives, but it has given us at least three enduring legacies to the X-Mythos: a new kind of Magneto, a fondness for dystopian futures and the character of Kitty Pryde, who's really come into her own this year.

Ugliest Costume: Kitty! Purposefully, but still. Best costume, by the way, goes to Destiny, with her creepy, creepy golden mask. Just imagine this lady casually strolling across a battlefield, eerily calm and collected, dodging everything you throw at her. Awesome design.

Best new character: I usually pick one character - what good is having a shared award when declaring the best of anything? - but this year, it’s going to one of my favorite couples: Mystique and Destiny. Can’t wait to see more of them.

Most audacious retcon: Blob somehow retroactively becomes a member of the original Brotherhood, which is not what happened. Ever weirder is Xavier pondering that he never met Magneto before his attack in X-Men #1, while their cordially adversarial relationship rooted in a youthful friendship would soon become a cornerstone of the X-Men.

What to read: Uncanny X-Men 141 - 143 and 150 - 152

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fruitless-nonsense · 3 years

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Okay, so I didn’t actually think anyone would care what I had to say. I just saw a post that riled me up and I wrote that to let off some steam. That being said, to everyone who liked my post or just read it thank you from the bottom of my heart. Seriously it means so much to me that there are people who notice what I have to say. That being said, I want to do more of these cause I have a lot of opinions that aren’t widespread, and I’d like to start with a post gushing about a certain character that receives too much hate. However, seeing as this isn’t a rant out of agitation this might take a bit longer to get out. With that long introduction out of the way... Cami O’Connell!

As I said, Cami is my favorite female character in the whole of the tvdverse (Bonnie is a close second). The reason why I want to start with her instead of Bonnie or my favorite character (Marcel) is because while both were royally screwed with by the writers, there are plenty of fans online who sing their praises (as they deserve). However, when it comes to Cami the consensus online is either hatred or indifference by a vast majority of the fans (that being said there are still a good amount of people who do love her I’m not saying there aren’t, but they are in the minority). This is something I never quite understood, but I’m gonna try my best educated guess on it.

I suppose before I go any further, I have a confession to make. The way I watched both tvd and to was not a straight line. Several years ago, I decided to finally watch tvd and started with the first two season (which I really liked), then a youtuber dropped a video analyzing the pilot for to and the premise hooked me immediately so I started the first season and kept watching until finishing the third, then I decided to go back and watch tvd seasons three and four, then got bored so I switched back to finish to, and finally after a few months declared I wanted to finish what I started and slogged through the second half of tvd. Why is this relevant? Well I just wanted to inform y’all as this might’ve led to my different perspectives on many things in both shows, and it hopefully can somewhat explain my reasoning

Going back to Cami, why is she my favorite female? A multitude of reasons. Firstly, I love how different she is from other female characters we’ve seen. Characters like Elena, Bonnie, and Caroline are fun in their own right, with bubbly personalities and childish innocence. This makes sense because they’re teenagers! Even Elena’s angst comes off more like young naivety than a wayward soul. I’m not knocking this characterization, it makes sense that a show aimed at teenagers would have teenage girls as it’s main cast. Where am I going with this? Cami might be the most mature character we’ve seen in this universe that actually has a pretty big part in the cast. What I mean is that shows like this paint maturity on women as being motherly or a stick in the mud, but Cami is neither. She’s still fun and loose, but with an aura of restraint and intelligence that needs to be accumulated over time. She’s not even that old! My guesstimation puts her at 23 cause we know she’s graduated college with a degree in psychology and was already working at Rousseau’s in the pilot (you mean to tell me you don’t just get your dream job right out of college, you have to work some dead end jobs first? YA lied to me!). I don’t know how quite to describe it beyond that, Cami just feels like a real person to me, and that makes me invested in her life even more.

Secondly, is her personality beyond her intelligence. I love how empathetic and kind she is! In the span of three seasons, she had helped almost everyone in the show while never sticking her feet into the main drama. That’s another thing, she knows when something’s over her head and will step out when she can, when something is pushing her, she fights back. I love that despite how kind hearted she is, she’s not a pushover. If there’s something she doesn’t like, she will attest. She may be nice, but get on her bad side and her sass will cut you like a knife. Considering she’s only a human against these witches, vampires, and originals you would call this unrealistic, but it works because unlike most people on the show, she’s smart. I know I just said beyond her intelligence, but I just want to gush about how fun it is watching Cami get out of trouble on her own by using nothing but her brain (I just think it’s neat). Characters this complex are not usually reserved for women on the cw, which leads into my final reason.

I love how much agency Cami has throughout her run on the show! Like, her story isn’t stapled to Klaus, she does so much without him even being there. In tvd, I can’t think of a single storyline Elena had that wasn’t tied to one or both of the Salvatore brothers, Bonnie is constantly being abused by the writers, Caroline is forcibly impregnated, Hayley starts off with her own goals before being tied to Jackson and later Elijah, Davina also starts off with her own ambitions before also being shackled to her love interest to resurrecting Kol being her only storyline in season three. I’m sure there are more, but these are just ones off the top of my head. While this makes me wish she had her own storyline, I acknowledge she is a supporting character (which begs the question of why none of the women in the main cast get this luxury but I digress).

This has been very long, and we’re just getting to complaints. Unlike complaints about the ship, I have yet to find an argument about why Cami sucks that isn’t factually incorrect, so if you have one please share. The first complaint I hear is that Cami is a copy of Caroline (I’ll give y’all that have seen the show a second to stop laughing at the statement). I’ve already explained why Caroline and Cami are two very different characters (hint: one is bubble and energetic and one is calm and mature), I know they’re both blonde, nice, empathetic, and have names that start with c, but try paying attention to what you’re watching then maybe you’ll have a better grasp on it. Secondly is that Cami’s only purpose is being Klaus’ love interest. Like I stated, there’s a lot Cami does where Klaus isn’t even present, unless you’re saying everyone Cami has had a story with was a love interest (So Davina, Josh, Hayley, Elijah, Marcel cerca season two onward, Vincent, Lucien, that detective guy, and her uncle Kieran), in that case I think y’all are onto something with Cami being a Mary Sue cause she getting all the action (note the sarcasm)! That’s another thing, people say Cami’s a Mary Sue cause almost everyone loves her and she has basically no flaws. First of all, I don’t believe Mary Sue to be a character problem but a story problem, and above all an excuse to neuter powerful women lest they make fragile men uncomfortable. Second of all, we see Cami form these relationships in real time through her actions not by her existence. Third of all (not that she needs them to be a good character since other favs don’t), Cami has her stubbornness that eventually got her killed and the fact that strength wise she is the weakest character in the show by her being human.

Are you catching on to some of what I’m saying? Most of these complaints aren’t even true, yet it’s all we hear. My first inclination was to blame this hatred on klaroline shippers who were bitter that their ship could no longer sail, but then I saw posts of people who claimed not to ship them and still hated Cami because she was “just a love interest.” Which leads into the other problem with haters: the hypocrisy. Reasons people hate Cami are elements in other characters that these same people love. Never mind the fact that some of these complaints don’t even apply to her like the love interest thing. To use something that isn’t a lie, people will hate on Cami for sleeping with Marcel in season one when Marcel is Klaus’ son, meanwhile y’all seem to forget Elena not only dated but cheated on Stefan with Damon in the finale of tvd season two (spoiler: she kissed him on his deathbed while her boyfriend and his brother was searching for a way to save him, which doesn’t even go into all their kisses in season three) and furthermore shipping Marcel with Rebekah who would be his aunt (I know some people who ship them acknowledge this but damn). I also know these people jumped at the chance to attack Cami for stealing the white oak stake in season three and ignoring what she was going through meanwhile will wave past everything Elena, Damon, and Caroline did when they had their humanity turned off as “they were going through a lot” (disclaimer: no hate to either of those girls, they were understandably in much pain, just wanna expose the hypocrisy). This all made me reevaluate the reasoning as more than just shippers being bitter, this seemed much more malicious to just be that.

After a lot of thought, my only conclusion I can come to is sexism. Cami is a very different female character than what we’re used to, she’s strong willed, opinionated, smarter than the men, and more mature. I guess fans weren’t ready for a character like that so assumed it was bad or just wrote her off as too different, but that’s giving the benefit of the doubt. To be honest, I still don’t know why she was so hated and continues to be ignored by fans, but maybe it’s time we start asking that question. It’s time we appreciate characters like this so maybe we can have more of them on the cw. It’s time to give Camille O’Connell and Leah Pipes the respect they deserve!

(P.S - Can someone far more talented than me please put out some Cami x reader content? I’m starved of my girl and Leah is too pretty for my gay brain to function!)

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sanktagenyas · 3 years

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alrighty so i guess coherent thoughts about this book might be a very generous estimate of what i’m about to write here but i’ll write down my thoughts anyway ‘cause i wanna share and possibly hear yours like for real interactions with my posts are not just welcomed they’re encouraged.

ok so to start our protagonists are alina and mal and our antagonist is the darkling and i pretty much related to alina right away because i love a hero with insecurities and doubts, i love an underdog so of course i was always meant to fall in love with alina starkov on sight. now the darkling... should be that i and everyone else would be beyond tired of the dark, tall, handsome and mysterious/scary men in fiction especially when they whisk our hero away for even more mysterious and/or nefarious purposes that they leave them completely in the dark about BUT the charisma fucking jump off of the pages i don’t know what else to tell you. and i am deeply intrigued about him and his backstory and also him and how he feels about our protagonist because when you catch the attention of a centuries old immortal being that says something about you but it says more about said immortal imo.

we come to learn that the darkling is beyond ruthless and yet he still a capacity for love after all this time even if it’s quite out of use to say the least. and just the fact that out of the thousands of people who have crossed his path there’s this one girl he saw and he was like well look at that someone who’s not unremarkable for once. and i know that’s not exactly a romantic sentiment but that’s how it starts, folks.

but anyway to cap my little ramble here despite the fact that i’ve seen that kind of villain before i do still really love the darkling. i like that we don’t have all the facts yet about what led him to become who he is so there’s just the right amount of mystery around him to keep you wanting to discover more and he is just human enough that he is not this caricature monstrous villainous figure (alina would beg to differ but i don’t listen to what alina yells at people when she’s angry)

now onto mal. i’m trying to word this in a way that doesn’t make me come off as a raging anti because the truth is that would require me to be invested in mal enough to hate him and as of now i’m just not. with book one being told entirely in alina’s perspective it’s pretty in your face that we should care about mal. our hero loves him and we want her to be happy, right? plus we really shouldn’t ship her with the villain there are so many wrong aspects about that dynamic just to name one aspect the deceit and the lies. the foundation of darklina is so fucked we should not ship it, right? well see that’s where i would argue that my biggest issue with darklina as a ship is the darkling in the final act all but saying fuck alina’s agency i’m going to make her my puppet for eternity not because that is necessary to accomplish my plan but because i’m jealous and resentful that she left me behind and didn’t embrace my plans for ravka and therefore embrace me.

and you might think wait i’ve lost the plot we were talking about mal and now we’re talking about darklina and the darkling but rewind back a little i said my issue with darklina in the final act of the book is the darkling pissing all over alina’s agency. and he might do that in more extreme ways than mal but mal certainly does seem to view alina as property at times and that implies him not respecting her agency. i could point to the fact that saying “don’t tell me we don’t belong together” is only framed as romantic statement because it comes out of the mouth of one of our protagonists and not our antagonist but that’s a cheap shot, it’s easy. instead i’ll echo my thoughts i shared about that malina reunion in chapter fourteen. mal was not one bit concerned about alina there and even though he says later on that not one hour was spent not thinking about her and wondering about her wellbeing all that flies out of the window the second he sees her with the darkling during the fete and here’s the thing if he had caught them mid makeout session i could understand him letting jealousy completely overtake him to the point that he doesn’t ask if she’s ok or how she’s been treated here and just assumes based on appearances (let’s not forget before she unlocked her powers alina was well and truly miserable regardless of the luxury afforded to her by her new grisha status so appearances don’t mean shit malyen) that she must be hunky dory and then tiptoes the line around slutshaming her but definitely crosses the line over into making her feel like shit for circumstances beyond her control territory and all that over seeing her do magic trickery at a party with another guy.

alina is allowed to be attracted to another man, she’s allowed to have feelings for another man. they’re both guilty of miscommunication as they obviously both feel the same way about each other but alina has the decency to keep her jealousy to herself and not have outbursts about mal getting close to other girls like she owns his ass or something. that put me off and then i was hoping there would be a talk that would clarify things and he would apologize and that happened but it also came with the revelation that mal was upset to see her happy with the darkling. so he’d rather see the woman he loves miserable and alone rather than happy and belonging? and that’s the romantic lead i’m meant to be fawning over? i’m just not seeing it right now and that’s why even as he so generously offers her absolution (idk if you can read my sarcasm but just to be clear it’s sarcasm) for having loved the darkling and tells her he loves all of her even the part that loved the darkling i’m like..... i don’t believe you boy.

i guess in summary my thoughts about mal as a love interest is i need some consistency you cannot have him throw a jealous fit over seeing alina standing with another man (that’s literally all they were doing for real) and looking happy about it and then have him be like i don’t care i love you anyway. you cannot have him act as though he owns alina and in the same breath throw in her face that the darkling owns her (i hate this foreshadowing thank you very much) and you cannot have him get cold or angry at so much of a mention of a life she might have that doesn’t include him and then expect me to believe he’s made peace with her having feelings for more than just him. he’s not even able to accept a scenario where she goes off and does shit that doesn’t involve him as he shows no interest in her life in the little palace for the longest time. meanwhile you can literally read all about alina wondering what happened to him and what he went through trying to get to her. and for the love of saints i would love it if alina would stop acting like she needs to be forgiven for these feelings i absolutely get that she feels conned and ashamed about it but you do not need to ask anyone for absolution for falling someone who made you feel seen for the first time in your life. fuck that noise.

i just know trust issues are gonna arise and i know he doesn’t feel that way truly. if alina turned around and at some point decided to show mercy to the darkling mal wouldn’t understand or accept it and i’d fully expect a guilt trip to ensue.

now that’s my thoughts on mal as a romantic lead and that’s about the biggest aspect of him we’re focusing on but i do think he is a brave man who genuinely cared for his friends and genuinely cares for alina as that whole journey to hunt morozova’s herd definitely proved. he loves her i don’t doubt that but one grand gesture doesn’t excuse the way he treats her earlier in the books is my point and as been pointed out by others i don’t like how much alina relies on him even when he isn’t here. her refusal to let go of him was directly affecting her happiness and overall health as she couldn’t come into her powers before she thought he was lost to her. if i’m not liking who the hero becomes when she’s with the love interest it’s a big indicator i’m not gonna love said love interest as much as i’m clearly expected to by the author. i like mal just fine, he’s not without redeeming qualities, i just don’t love him yet and i may never do and that’s ok.

now i wanna take a moment and a couple sentences (it won’t be a novel i swear, pinky promise!) to talk about the twist that i should have seen coming miles away and i already know once my sister watches the show or reads the book whatever comes first i will be mercilessly teased about not seeing it coming. but when i found out the black heretic and the darkling are one of the same my jaw dropped. as memers might say i took that personally. and even though we have a lot of grounds to covers still and unanswered questions such as is the darkling still alive? if he is what is he up to now? is baghra dead in a ditch somewhere or worse? will alina and genya ever see each other again? why was zoya so standoffish and violent with alina, what’s her story? the question in my mind most prominent is what happened to the darkling? what happened for him to become who he is. i love the quote monsters are not born they’re made and i much prefer to see a villain who wasn’t always one than one who is just evil for the evulz. so i want a backstory and i also wanna learn about baghra while we’re at it.

it’s all fun and well for her to denounce her son’s actions but and i hate to break it to her but YOU RAISED HIM LADY. so yeah baghra’s whole speech to alina is missing parts for sure because she’s not just gonna admit her hands are covered in blood as much as the darkling’s are. not without some pressing at least.

sooo to cap off all this i guess i would have just two throwaway remarks and that is that i am getting a lot of gay vibes from alina and if i took a shot every time she remarks on genya’s beauty or just gushes about genya in general i’d be drunk by now and i hope we get an actual queer romance somewhere in these books even just between side characters. second remark would be ivan i’m waiting for you to find some redeeming qualities my dude, i was rooting for you! at first he is a raging dickhead about it but seemed to mellow some and then near the end it’s right back to square one and i am really sorry about his brothers dying but having lost family members is not actually a get out of jail free card that gives you free range to mistreat people just because you can.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone book spoilers #i'm not putting anti malina tags on here because i'm not interested in engaging in disc-horse #that's why i'm also not tagging characters or ships but if it wasn't clear i am darklina trash yes hello #this is a) a mess and b) far too long but it's what it says on the tin aka my incoherent garbage thoughts

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silver-summertime · 3 years

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hollywood stars and truck tires: dorothea, tis the damn season, & tim mcgraw

Alright, y’all, here we go again. (Alexa, play Mamma Mia by ABBA.) We’re back with another one of Ria’s unhinged gay lyric analyses, only I don’t think this one is very unhinged after all (at least not until we get to the “Tim McGraw” side of things). “dorothea” is undoubtedly the gayest song on evermore, so it’s only right that this is how I kick things off. And of course, we’ll be tackling “tis the damn season” because it’s the sister song to “dorothea.” This analysis isn’t going to focus on any gaylor ships because I’m inclined to believe Taylor when she says this one is fictional—“dorothea” might be based on real emotions, but I don’t think she represents a real person in Taylor’s life. (Feel free to disagree, though!)

So, without further ado: “dorothea” is gay, and here’s why.

To begin with the obvious, this is yet another song in which Taylor (regardless of whether she is writing from someone else’s perspective) explicitly sings a love song to a woman. Here are lyrics I think make this a love song rather than a song about platonic friendship:

honey, making a lark of the misery

it’s never too late to come back to my side

the stars in your eyes shined brighter in Tupelo

but are you still the same soul I met under the bleachers?

“Honey,” while not exclusively used in a romantic context, is a term of endearment often used by lovers. Combined with the “stars in your eyes” part, I think the relationship between Dorothea and the speaker is a romantic one. Meanwhile, “back to my side” could imply a previous romantic relationship. It could also refer to the idea of “picking a side” with regard to being gay or straight (yes, this saying is flawed because it ignores bisexuality, but it is something I have heard people say before). In this context, the line could be interpreted as the speaker telling Dorothea that it doesn’t matter if she’s gone off to Hollywood and dated men, she is still free to return home to her (female) high school sweetheart.

And finally… if Dorothea and the speaker were just platonic besties, what, pray tell, were they doing under the bleachers?!

Paired with the following lyrics from “tis the damn season,” which seems to be from Dorothea’s view, it’s fairly obvious that these two had a romantic relationship in the past:

the road not taken looks real good now/and it always leads to you and my hometown

you could call me “babe” for the weekend

the heart I know I’m breakin’ is my own/to leave the warmest bed I’ve ever known

Notably, there are no male pronouns describing the love interest in “tis the damn season.”

If you’re still not convinced that “dorothea” is a love song, see Taylor’s own words in the album notes: “Dorothea, the girl who left her small town to chase down Hollywood dreams—and what happens when she comes back for the holidays and rediscovers an old flame.”

Safe to say, I think “an old flame” solidifies the relationship between Dorothea and the speaker as a romantic one.

And finally, proving that the speaker of Dorothea is a woman and the song is, in fact, very gay:

ooh, you’rе a queen sellin’ dreams, sellin’ makeup and magazines/ooh, from you I’d buy anything

skipping the prom just to piss off your mom

Now, I’m not saying that men can’t or shouldn’t wear makeup, but makeup is generally a female-coded thing… so if the speaker of “dorothea” is willing to buy the makeup Dorothea is selling, she is most likely a woman herself. And, of course, the skipping prom line. While any couple can skip prom, gay couples usually have a much better reason for doing so—in some high schools, students have been prevented from bringing same-sex partners. See here for some examples.

So. If “dorothea” is a love song about a woman… sung by a speaker who is also a woman… “dorothea” is gay. Case closed!

Now if you want to stick around for clownery, here comes “Tim McGraw.” I think that the “dorothea”/“tis the damn season” couplet is a grown-up version of “Tim McGraw” because the songs have several parallels. Both “dorothea” and “Tim McGraw” are named after people; all three songs focus on the wistful feelings that happen after high school romances come to an end; both relationships ended when one person left town for some reason.

And there are a number of lyrical parallels:

the stars in your eyes shined brighter in Tupelo (dorothea)

he said the way my blue eyes shined/put those Georgia stars to shame that night (Tim McGraw)

Apart from the obvious stars/eyes shining parallel, both songs reference specific locations in the American south.

hey, Dorothea, do you ever stop and think about me? (dorothea)

when you think Tim McGraw/I hope you think of me (Tim McGraw)

And finally:

time flies, messy as the mud on your truck tires (tis the damn season)

just a boy in a Chevy truck/that had a tendency of getting’ stuck/on backroads at night (Tim McGraw)

This is not to say that the love interest in Dorothea’s story is a boy, or that the love interest in “Tim McGraw” is actually a woman (although I have seen the faded blue jeans/little black dress discourse). But I like these parallels because I feel like evermore has given Taylor the opportunity to apply new maturity to some old concepts, and she’s done it beautifully. These three songs tell different versions of the same story—a breaking up and falling back together of high school sweethearts.

Thanks for tuning in, y’all!

#ts lyric analysis #ria writes #taylor swift #gaylor #evermore #taylor swift debut #debut #dorothea #tis the damn season #tim mcgraw

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popculturebuffet · 4 years

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Toons for Our Times: Ducktales: They Put a Moonlander on the Earth!

At Glomglast, Glomgold Glomturns! Flintheart Hero of Earth Glomgold continues riding his wave of good PR from helping save the earth in the manner you’d expect: With a dangerous attention seeking pr stunt/ferris wheel/half-ased plan to murder scrooge. Naturally Dewey is first in line for it. Meanwhile Webby tries to convince a wound up Penumbra to stay and enjoy earth so she can get a new alien friend who she relates to and her brothers can get a new step mom, while Launchpad is awkward because his coffee with Pennumbra went worse than the one he had with the gas cloud. The Glom Knight Glomturns under the cut.

This one is late for both good reason, I didn’t want to hog the wifi while my nieces were trying to remote school, and not so good I.e.... I entirely forgot an episode was today because I’m not used to the new schedule, as in the past the show’s either aired on saturday like usual for a disney show, or as a cluster of episodes throughout one week, so even if it wasn’t something I was used to, I was tuned to stay in. The new schedule is weird and my brain is stupid is what i’m saying. Now i’ve covered my butt on with the review! This week focuses on Penumbra, and explains exactly what happened to the Moonlanders after Moonvasion. For Penny at least she’s apparently been living in the McDuck hangar, or somewhere near it, and working on rebuilding one of the bigger ships to get her people home. Della, while not missing the opprotunity to point out now Penny’s the one living in HER garage buliding a rocket home, pitches in and we see things have clearly changed. At least with Della, Penny’s let down her guard and now openly considers her her best friend.. and perhaps more because the romantic tension is so thick here you could cut it with a sword. Granted I may have swords on the brain because of this.

Which if your not up to date on your x-men comics, is an event where our Uncanny X-Men, now having their own nation of krakoa where all mutants are welcome, which includes apocalypse so he’s on THEIR SIDE in that shot, must fight ten other mutants in a ritual sword duel with some of the strongest swords in the mighty marvel canon, and loosing means the other mutants, many of whom are the CHILDREN of apocalyspe from centuries ago he thought lost, get to invade earth with a demonic horde. And if NONE of that made you curious, let alone want to read that, I just.. don’t get you.

Back to the gays, yeah the ten sword thick sexual tension is broken by the fact that Penumbra reveals she tried SOME earth culture and did get that coffee with Launchpad, with Della baffled.. I mean look at those abs. Though it’s probably less “Launchpad really?” and more “Why not me first? Is he sexier? Dammit he is. “ It went about as well as you’d expect.. with Penny storming out suddenly saying this is terrible and running off. Eh not the worst first date i’ve seen in animation this year. I’ve seen a woman go on a date with a man conjoined to his ex.. and not like their siblings it’s a medical procedure. Because close enough is pretty fucking insane and let’s keep it that way.

But yeah so Penumbra’s not sold on earth and Della’s attempts to get her to go with the kids, get to that in a minute, fall on deaf ears. But the thing is. her people are. When meeting with gibious and zenith, if you don’t remember the married moon couple we saw back in “The Golden Spear”, Penumbra finds out she’s the only one who wants to go home. Her people like it here...the happy couple even got adorable new outfits, a job with Glomgold in Gibbious’ case, and an adorable new dog named good boy. Look at them.

I would die for either of them. I hope we see Good Boy again. And that the show introduces Bolivar, donald’s dog at some point. Or even his ostrich hortense. I just want the duck to have a pet dammit.

Point is their happy here and while Penny wants to go back to the old routine of them all on the moon and her saving them.. their fine if she wants to go home but.. their staying here. And it’s easy to see WHY they want to: The moon was harsh, filled with monsters and much like us humans right now with earth, they only stayed in their clusterfuck of a home world because they had no way out. It’s probably why Lunaris sold hte invasion so easily: With his pitch they were just taking a nicer world from a bunch of mean asssholes who refused to share it and whose sole representative had seemingly betrayed them. Without any reason to hate the earthlings and, outside of once incident later in the episode, the earthlings accepting them with open arms and forgiveness, why wouldn’t they stay on a nice, sunny world, in a large city willing to house them and give them jobs, with delicious foods and all sorts of fun shit to distract you from the bad parts of living here that the moon lacked.

Penny’s issue is while THEIR lives were miserable.. her’s wasn’t. She was a hero, a super hero really.. I mean she’s dressed like a kree sentry, she protects the helpless and she’s a fearless warrior whose now a fish out of water on a world she never could’ve expected but grows to love. Martian Manhunter, Captain Marvel, the Mar Vell one, Warlock, Adam Warlock and yes their separate characters, Supergirl, not superman because while he is an alien he grew up here.. all aliens who immigrated here and grew to love and protect it and see it as their home. Penny just hasn’t got to the “love and protect it” part yet and while the rest of her people have new purpose, new homes and new lives and still meet once a week to party she finds herself, theri greatest champion an outsider, desperately wanting her old life back but not accepting it’s gone. She can go home but she’d be the one person on a desolate moon clinging to the past. Penny here honestly reminds me of jasper in steven unvierse future: Both are old soldiers who find their empire gone, their entire way of life uprooted and have no way to cope and desperately hoping things will collapse back to THEIR normal, not realizing the new one isn’t going anywhere and is better for their people. They need to move on but their too proud and too scared to try.

However Penny refuses to admit defeat to her people and that she can’t have “earth fun”, and left with no other choices, decides to take the kids up on their offer after all. To explain that we quickly wrap to the top of the episode, where Webby, bored and having trouble finding anyone, finds Penny and after Penny dosen’t want to hang out finds Dewey and Louie. I assume since their absent this episode, Huey is introducing Violet to Gyro, Fenton and Boyd, Beakly is buying groceries, Donald is courting Daisy and Scrooge.. is trying to get fethry’s hands, feet and head out of pickle jars because he thought they’d preserve him and Donald is busy for once so he’s the only one left to do it. Louie and Dewey plan on just laying around and biinging old ottoman empires, I can relate, but the news gives them a better option. A GLOMGOLD OPTION. Oh me mow how i’ve missed this big beautiful man. Seriously Glomgold is easily one of the best parts of the reboot and Keith Fergeuson brings an utterly delightful manic glee to the guy any time he shows up to eat the scenery whole. While I get holding back on him since he had an arc last season, it’s still nice to have him back in all his hammy glory. And naturally being glomgold he has a scheme going: After gifting a rolelrcoaster previously, over water and with sharks because his brand’s nothing if not consistent, he’s now offering the flintferris glomwheel, which is shoddy, dangerous, secretly a plot to kill scrooge, and is very likely to kill a child.. so in other words it’s Glomgold himself roleld into a ferris wheel. Dewey is psyched to go because he let another kid go first for Glomgold’s last PR Stunt/Nightmare and that kid got all the glory and as such is now Dewey’s new nemisis. So after asking his mom “If we can go ride a death wheel so I can get famous’, which of course Della says yes to, our heroes end up taking Penny along. Launchpad drives and gets his subplot for the episode, being awkard around Penny because the date went bad and not sure if this makes then enimies and avoiding her. He tries going to dewey for help, and while Dewey is out of his element, he does actually give good advice to just talk to her.. Launchpad just takes it while he’s driving because it’s launchpad. Thankfully webby can drive. He spends the rest of hte episode getting into shenanigans before, after helping her with the climax, phrasing, being honest and apologizing. And i’m also covering the plot to get her answer out of the way now: Penny admits he’s fine, thery can be fight buds, he’s a good warrior sh’es just “Not interested in an earth..male” her exact words.

I mean.. there’s no real subtly here. Even if she’s not into Della, which all evidence suggests is the case, Penumbra is CLEARLY into women. I mean Frank is basically saying as loudly as his mousey overlords will allow “SHE’S GAY FOR DELLA”. Wether this goes anywhere, I dunno. While Lumity started ramping up this year, that property’s not based on Disney’s classic canon and STILL had to fight tooth and claw to make Luz bisexual and her love intrested a girl. Disney won’t even let this show use Mickey and almost didn’t let them use the rescue rangers, the odds are against them.. but I also never thoguht we’d see violet’s gay dads on screen, or so many previously comics only characters, so frank’s said screw the impossible before. Now probably is no different.

Back to the main plot, and to the return of Glomgold whose great as ever. Glomgold made the moonlanders and some of duckberg think he was soley responsible for saving the world.. how many people besides the non-penny moonlanders think he actually did it is up for debate but he DID genuinely help save the world. Also his scheme to get his company back somehow WORKED despite not being legally binding, as he’s now back in his tower, back to scheming and has an actual assitant instead of a professional career woman he treats like one in a bit that didn’t age all that well even a year later. Gibious is now Glomgold’s sidekick and in a nice contrast to Owlson instead of being fed up with his crap Gibious, buying into Glomgold’s own ego, lavishes praise on his new boss, treats him like the god he thinks he is, and is genuinely sweet and helpful. It’s a nice dynamic giving Glomgold someone who ACTUALLY and genuinely likes him as a person and wants him to suceed and trusts in his insane schemes and leads to some great bits like Gib genuinely calling the safety inspector when Glomgold makes an airquotes remark about it and at the end Glomgold admitting “I can’t stay mad at you” to his new lackey/Best friend. Frankly Glomgold needed a 21 to his Monarch, and i’ts a delight to see it and Paulson and Ferguson have real chemistry. Meanwhile in the A-Plot, Webby tries to get Penny to enjoy earth, first with a street performer she tosses in the water ,as you should, then with a shooting range which ends with her massacering a clownhead to the children minus webby’s horror and tears. We were one more frame away from this really.

Also we get the ducks feeding.. ducks, a gag Frank’s apparently wanted to do for three seasons now, and with Penny being as confused as the audeince. but non of this, including roller skates really works. So while Dewey goes off to get in line to one up his rival, Webby gets honest with Penny about why she’s so invested and this episode goes from good.. to truly fantastic. While webby fangirling over a mighty and gay space warrior makes sense, there’s a personal reason she wants to help here that really tugs at the heart strings: Webby was like her once. Like Penny she spent her whole life honing herself into a weapon, sealed in her own tiny world, For Penny it was her moon village for Webby it was the mansion. And being thrust out into it was .. frightening. We saw webby struggle to adjust in “Daytrip of Doom!” and part of her wanted to plunge back into the mansion and her saftey net at times. But she didn’t.. with the help of her family, and her friends, she found out just how wonderful the world is and how as scary as the world is.. it opened up new parts of her. Duckberg webby was just as great as mansion webby if not better. So Webby wants to do the same for penny and what really clinches the scene is how she does it: a Hamburger, the symbol from the pilot of what webby was deprived of all her life, given to a new friend as a symbol of what the world offers. And it works at first, even without cheese. But then Penny gets a brain freeze, and Glomgold, needing a distraction from the saftey inspector rames her as going beserk because he’s an asshat in every other way let’s add racisim to it.

A chase insues, Penny’s determined to flee.. but she gets a second wind when Dewey, who rushed in to get the first ride and webby get trapped. Sadly dewey’s new enemy gets all the attention, and as we find out is aware he one upped Dewey and brags over it, but Penny has now gone from fish out of water to shark on the hunt, and with Launchpad’s help to get past Glom and Gib, and the roller skates from earlier finally has some earth fun by skating into the air, climbing the Ferris wheel and saving the kids. Penny FINALLY found something she likes about earth; That she can Still protect people, including her people and do what she loved there and the danger here is WAY more intresting.. I mean on hte moon itw as just the usual monsters she was used to. Here she had to rocket into the air, and climb an megalomainics cannon armed ferris wheel to save two adorable children. In short she’s become a super hero and like those I mentioned, has grown to care about earth. So basically this is like captain marvel was an episode of Steven Universe. I likes it. But it’s a nice character arc, as Penny realizes the outside world, and her new friends/future stepchildren, have b eauty and worth. And she will protect their kind, she will protect them. I mean duckberg already has about 4 other superheroes if you count lena, which with that outfit last time I dooo, but frankly with how much disaster it faces on a daily basis, and how much Fenton needed a goddamn break, and with Darkwing leaving for st canard soon, they could probably use her.

So the day is saved, Glomgold is buired in fines but has a new minon, Dewey is dewfeated and Penny is happy again. We end on Penny recounting everything to Gibious and wife, and Good Boy obviously, along with Della who casually admits she really shoduln’t of let her child go but sooths him anyway over his loss. Penny is happy and deciding to stay, and her and her new best buddy laucnhpad are going to go tear the ship apart with her carrying della along. I swear when they finally do do it she’s just going to.. carry a willing della to her bedroom and throw her down on that thing.. everything after is up to you Id ont’ write porn here. Nothing wrong with it just not my bidness. So with a hopeful new future and a neat t-shirt, Penny finally finds her place in the world.

Final Thoughts: A very good, very gay episode that’s just as good as last weeks and gives penumbra a hell of a character arc, while also being an utterly hilaroius episode, from penumbra’s destruction, to glomgold’s hilarious as always antics to dewey’s attention whoring reaching self endagering heights of stupidity and ego, this was a great one and keeps up Season 3′s quality streak. While the plot progression may be slow for now, everything else is at an alltime goddamn high.

Next week, it’s the HALLOWEEN EPISODE BITCHES. Nuff Said. Until then you can check my blog for more reviews, as we have some halloween stuff coming up. Sadly with Loud House going silent, it seems this is our only weekly coverage but expect more reviews of various shows, and some very spooky ooky ones coming very soon including some brucie bonus episodes and until we meet again, go team venture! Play us out glomgold....

youtube

#ducktales #they put a moonlander on the earth!#penumbra #della duck #dellumbra #webby vanderquack #dewey duck #louie duck #Flintheart Glomgold #gibious #reviews #ducktales spoilers

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thebisexualdogdad · 4 years

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Being Claudia Donovan's brother and dating Steve Jinks

Co written with @inhumanshadows

· You didn't start dating Steve until a year after he joined the team

· For one reason you thought dating a co worker was a bad idea

· And more importantly your sister was his best friend

· And that was another can of worms.

· However after a year... you decided to talk to her about it.

· And by talk you meant “frantically run to her room shouting ‘crisis!”

· "What the hell is wrong with you?"

· "I uh.. Want to ask Steve out on a date"

· "Well finally"

· "You knew i liked him?"

· "Everyone knows dude, even Pete figured it out"

· “Wow... that’s uh... kinda sad honestly...”

· “Yeah... so go ask him out.”

· You asked Steve and out and he happily said yes

· There isn't much to do in south dakota so your first date was just to a dinner in town

· The date was pretty nice. You guys just sat there and tried not to talk about work. But with your job kinda the only thing.

· Then Steve wanted to know about the other cases you guys had before he came along.

· You spent hours telling him all about the dumb shit Pete got into before Steve joined

· And how Claudia accidently magnetized herself to the warehouse

· “Wait wait she what?”

· “Oh yeah. Alessandro Volta’s lab coat. Then there was the time the place almost exploded cause of silly string.”

· You end up kissing him goodnight outside his bedroom at the inn and Pete see's who tells Claudia

· You definitely heard someone scamper down the hall.

· but you didn't care, you just wanted to kiss steve again

· You made out in the hall until Myka left her room to find Leena and stumbled upon you guys

· "Oh come on Myka don't ruin the mood" Pete yells from down the hall

· "Great Pete you ruined our cover" Claudia then yells

· "Claudia, Pete knock it off," you yell at them

· Said guilty parties pop up from around the corner.

· “Really? Really what are we 5?” You ask.

· “It was Pete’s idea!” Claudia points

· “What!!”

· You guys go on a few more dates and eventually have the are we officially boyfriends talk

· You’re laying in your room, away from the nosey coworkers and family.

· “So... boyfriends?” You ask.

· Steve nods. “You know Claudia had a pot going for how long it would take you to ask me out?”

· “I’m gonna kill her....”

· Nobody ships you guys more than Pete not even Claudia

He's always trying to set up cute moments for you two

· Like putting up the mistletoe on christmas

· “Haha very fun Claudia...” you say, pointing to aforementioned plant.

· “Wasn’t me I swear. You guys are cute but I don’t need to see my brother and bestie sucking face.”

·"Where's Pete"

· "Damn i was so close"

· You shake your head and give Steve a quick peck.

· Pete: “aww I missed it.”

· One of the perks of dating another warehouse agent is getting to see the world with him

· Granted most of those involve artifact related high jinks and chaos. Of course you claudia and Steve are a team.

· Which means many times your delightful sister has gone “hey lovebirds! Artifact!”

· Claudia now makes Artie book her a room on a separate floor after the incident where she could hear you guys going at it next door through the thin hotel room walls

· Josh is very nonchalant about his younger siblings dating

· When he met Steve it was just alright cool and that's it

· You look to Steve “Relax. He’s telling the truth.”

· double dates with Myka and HG often

· Going out for drinks and having to help HG carry a tipsy Myka home

· Or HG casually dropping that she knows whatever historical figure Steve brings up

· She’s like “[insert historical name here] Very homosexual. Revolving door of men.”

· Arties like a dad, the moment he sees you kiss even just a peck he looks away

· You wear Steve’s jacket and artie is like “is that new?” Pete and Claudia : “it’s steves.”

· Or having to hurry to get dressed in the morning for a mission and not realizing you're wearing each other clothes until later

· You guys have a break and you realize you got your pants right but shirt and jacket and even your underwear once got swapped

· You and Claudia tried to throw a surprise birthday party for Steve and it was a disaster

· There was screaming and flying cake. but it did end in laughter

· And Steve pretended like he didn't know but he secretly got Pete to tell him days ago

· You find out while you and Steve share a shower. “Pete Really told you....”

· “Yes. But I appreciate the effort.”

· You and Steve are always trying to set Claudia up on dates

· You also debated tracking down Todd

· "I do not need help finding a boyfriend"

· "And how long have you been single for again?"

· "Shut it"

· “What was that? T-t-two years?”

· “I’ll murder you...”

· You and Steve end up getting a dog who becomes the team dog

· You guys come home and announce “trailer has a brother!”

· You got him mainly because you were jealous that Artie was trailers favorite

· He’s a corgi named Max

· You guys spoil him, he has so many toys and everyone always sneak him treats

· He’s your little loaf. And myka wants to steal him

· He's a bandana boy with a rotating attire

· He even has a pride bandana that Pete got him

· "What kind of gays are you not even getting your pet a pride outfit"

·“We have you pete. We knew you’d do something.”

· “Oh yay! Points for uncle Pete.”

· When you get hurt Steve drops everything to nurse you back to health

· He’s a mother hen and goes a bit overboard but it comes from places of love.

· Max's new home is your chest when you get hurt

· "Did i just get replaced by the dog?"

· "Babe there's enough space for both of you"

· He's such a cuddler

· Claudia Totally secretly plans a wedding

· And denies the hell out of it

· "Claud, Steve and i aren't planning on getting married for many many years"

· "You can never be too prepared bro"

· Pete: “especially in our line of work!” “See pete gets it!”

· Oh boy. Steve’s mom meeting you.

· She won't stop telling Steve how handsome you are

· And she’s just so happy. Steve is blushing and hoping she doesn’t bring up any stories

· And she sneaks Steve the family ring

· "For when you're ready dear, I know you're gonna marry that man one day"

· Meanwhile you’re over by the family photos. “Is this you in high school?!? You had BLUE HAIR??!”

· "The teenage angst was real in high school"

· "Oh god i can't believe you had a nose ring"

· His mom is like: “he had his he combat boots and eyeliner too...” “ma!!” “Please go on!!” Steve: “what have I done...

· You feel bad so you share some of your own embarrassing stories from high school

·“I once got caught making out with the coach's son

· "No way"

· "Yeah i got banned from the locker room"

· “What else?”

· “Um... can’t tell that one in front of your mother... oh I once made got into class through a three story high window”

· "You could have gotten seriously hurt"

· "I was 16 i wasn't thinking"

· “Unbelievable.”

· “Oh come on. You have to have done stupid stuff

·"I guess i did ride a skateboard into a pool once..."

· “A full pool” His mom tacks on.

· “Ma!”

· Vacations with Steve are tough because he's constantly checking his phone for an artifact sos

· You helped Claudia build more tiny artifact ping things and have them on your person.

· "Steve we're on a beach in the Bahamas, they can handle the warehouse for one week without us"

· “I know... I just... you know?”

· “I do... and I get it. But right now you and I are on mandatory vacation so let’s enjoy it.”

· You make Steve turn his phone off and take a long walk along the beach

· That walk is empty enough for the occasional ass grab from you.

· Once Steve truly starts to relax you guys explore the island taking in all the information the tour guides give you

· You guys spend the rest of the first day getting ideas on what to do. Now you’re back in the hotel room. You decide to shower, now covered in sand.

· one of the days you found out there's a hot surfer giving paddle boarding sessions

· After your paddle boarding lesson you returned to your room both you and Steve blushing about how hot the guy was

· “Can I just say that instructor was very hot!! Not as hot as you Steve but...”

· "That was one gorgeous man, think we should try to set him up with Pete?"

· "Honey Pete is straight"

· "You sure about that?"

· You think for a minute. “Well... now that you mention it....”

· You keep that idea on the backburner as you grab the phone to order some room service

· "Tomorrow's the last day what do you want to do?"

· “Honestly? Let's relax here maybe get a massage and then order in.”

· The next day you do as Steve suggests and just relax

· You sleep in and have lunch

· Get a couples massage and end the day with one last walk on the beach

· At the end of the walk Steve stops you before you return to the room

· "Y/N there's something i want to talk about"

· "What's that?"

· "Us"

· “Okay... should I be worried?”

· “No! No! Nothing like that.

· "What is it then?"

· "You know i love you and i want to spend the rest of my life with you"

· "This is sounding like a proposal Jinksy"

· "Don't worry I'm not proposing, we're not ready for that right now but one day I want to"

· You smile. “I’d like that too... one day... that isn’t today.”

· “I love you Y/N.”

· “Love you too Jinksy”

· "Wait till Claudia finds out"

· "I'm more worried about Pete, he's been waiting for the engagement since our first date"

· "We really need to set him up with the hot surfer"

· "Yes, yes we do"

#warehouse 13 imagine #steve jinks imagine #steve jinks x reader #headcanons #co write #co written

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greenleaf-starbright · 3 years

Text

The Navarone Ship Manifesto (part 2)

Local Man Doesn’t Think Before Inviting All His Exes On The Same Beach Holiday, internationalist socialist pacifist bear 4 murder twink, and a questionable choice of shorts below the cut

Mallory/Franklin - 6/10

Clearly exes on good terms who had a casual, chill, pre-war relationship. Franklin doesn’t see anything incongruous about inviting his boyfriend, his ex, and his ex’s lover on the same suicide mission behind enemy lines, which should tell you everything about his “nothing ever goes terribly wrong for me” attitude to life, and his overbearing confidence in expecting everyone else to fall in line around his plans.

Is this compelling enough to actually ship? I think the reading works, but I’m mostly interested in it as an illumination of other relationships. For one thing, Miller takes against Mallory immediately. For another, it’s most of Franklin’s screentime. I read Franklin as the definition of “historic gay people had full, happy, self-confident lives, actually” self-assurance. Perhaps the thing that isn’t working about Franklin/Miller – the thing that needs this relationship to be “broken up” – is Franklin’s chill, possibly poly, but certainly casual and expansive attitude to dating in contrast to Miller’s single-minded, high-intensity, ready to commit a court-martial offense for his beloved.

Who thought it was a good idea to invite the whole polycule along, Franklin?

Jensen/Sidney– 5/10

Look I know I shouldn’t, but there’s something in the weirdly intense uncut shots of the glassy eyed young man just standing in silence - I think it’s just odd editing, but I am serious about shipping this film in a way I have never been about anything else, so I’m gonna include it, because I am a completionist.

Mallory/Miller – 7/10

If there were ever a real Navarone fandom, this feels like the most-attractive-white-men-protagonists ship which would take up all the room. This ship is implied post-canon and to me, feels like it needs the most work.

After all, central to the film’s focus is on how they are different. Miller is doing his best to remain uninvolved, while Mallory has discovered he has an uncomfortable genius for military black ops. Miller doesn’t want to kill anybody; Mallory has lost his scruples some time ago. Miller sees war operations as meaningless beside the survival of loved ones; Mallory is institutionalised, wedded to the job.

I don’t feel a lot of enthusiasm for it, and additionally, I don’t think they have a lot of chemistry as performers. But I can see all the elements which would make a compelling ship. Reconciling this relationship is what canon is about; Navarone has a classic romance structure, in which two relationships which are not working (Mallory/Stavros and Miller/Franklin) are ended, in favour of ones which are good (Maria/Stavros and Mallory/Miller).

That implies the way that these characters challenge one another is far more nourishing for both of them than where they were before. After all, Miller’s non-participation is not a virtue when you’re surrounded by literal Nazis; and Mallory clearly needs the ethical pushback on his choices that Miller provides, and starts asking himself questions about just war he has not considered in some time. There’s a post-canon tension in their relationship as to which of their voices will prevail.

I can 100% see how this would be somebody’s jam, and one purpose of fandom is to find out how and make it work. So, I’m cool with it, and I think it’s one where good fanon would make me a lot more excited.

Hauptmann Schessler/anyone – 0/10

The great thing about a fandom of one is that I don’t even need to pay lip service to “what if we spent more time on a minor white dude who’s also a member of the SS than any single pairing containing a brown person” shipping.

Brown/Pappadimos – 7/10

Classic “pair the spares” for people who prefer their ships to never interact in canon. Guilt stricken socialist bear/murder twink. Both Brown and Pappadimos’ role in the team is to kill people. Pappadimos is young, bloodthirsty, was sent to New York by his parents but got “the wrong kind of education”. Violence? Sucking cock? We’re not told. Meanwhile, Brown has been fighting since 1937 in the Spanish Civil War – a genius with a knife who is tired, who smells the men he has killed in his dreams. Are they past and future mirrors of the same man? Amoral enthusiasm for slaughter meets an internationalist voice of conscience. Everything about this silly fanon nonsense is wonderful. Brown is punished for his reluctance to kill; Pappadimos for his love of it; they complete one another. Fantastic. The more I speculate about this, the more excited I get. It WORKS I tell you.

This glance is the only interaction they have in the entire film.

#guns of navarone

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painandpleasure86 · 4 years

Text

Gimme your comfort, I suffer of love (deazello week 2020)

A/N: Hi ppl! Another fic for this ship week hosted by @roger-taylors-car !! Now taking the prompt "cuddles" and "secret affair"

The name of this fic it's based in a gay love song from the argentinian rock band Los abuelos de la nada. The original phrase is "Dame tu consuelo, yo sufro de amor".

Summary: the day after the tea time, Joe haves an audition and he will tell how it was to John.

Word count: +2500 (my longest fic for now)

Warning: the things are spicy, so... Don't interact if youre a minor. Don't throw hate if you don't like this kind of writing pls.

Permanent taglist: @warriorteam1924 @toomuchlove-willkillyou (sorry if you're uncomfortable with this kind of writing).

If you liked it, please reblog! That will help me to reach to more ppl :3

----------------

When they finally ended the tea time and the men greeted, the older whispered in the ears of the younger "you can come home when you want… I barely left home lately".

Joe just can nod but both knew the real response.

They already started a new chapter in their life...

----------------

Monday morning. He was preparing for a casting that he will have after that day. He passed in front of the door of his neighbor to see if he was there. He wasn't. "Well I'll try when I come back of the audition" he thought.

Joseph watched to his son walked sad in front of the porch of John's house.

"Joe, come here! John isn't your friend, it's just your neighbor and he don't like to be bothered!"

The young man was approaching to his dad's car.

"Let me be act like I want. I'll turn 22 this year! And John really liked me."

"He just was polite and kind with you." replied his father.

Joe knew that he didn't just was kind and polite with him. But that isn't something that he can say to his dad.

-------

The audition was a failure. Was a big opportunity to make detach his career, but they rejected him for being "too old" for the role. But that was a excuse, because a famous young star also auditioned for that role. And had his same age. "If you reject me, at least be fucking sincere and told that was because that guy was also in the audition" he thought dissapointed. He was so sad and almost crying in his dad's car.

"Joe, relax. You know that you will still have your job in the dance studio if your acting career haven't success." said Joseph, trying to cheer up his son.

"I know. But I want to act. I'll pull myself together, because I know that I should do better…"

Joseph smiled.

"That's Queen." noted the man.

"Yeah, you can see why I love that band, dad?"

And a smile appeared in his face.

"I see." added, watching to the road.

----------------

When they came to his house, he was to the door of his neighbor.

"Dad, come home. I'll try to speak a little with the neighbor."

"Okay Joey. You're an adult anyways." he sighed resigned and entered to the house.

Joe took the doorbell.

"Yeah?" someone asked for the intercom.

"John it's in home now? It's his new neighbor, Joey".

"YEAH! I'll call him".

That voice was Laura. She was happy for listen that American accent again.

He watched to the old man came to the main door.

"Joe!"

"Mister!"

"Call me John please"

"Okay John".

And both hugged.

Both started to walk to the house.

"How are you Joe?" asked the bassist.

Trying to lie, Joe replied "fine".

"No boy, you aren't fine. You don't fool me".

"I could do it, I'm an actor...well, a bad try" said Joe watching to the sky and sighing.

"Oh now I understand your low. An audition was wrong no?"

"Exactly" and Joes eyes started to be full of tears.

Both stopped to walk. He started to cry in the shoulder of the old man. This one puts his left hand over the head of the young, caressing his hair. With his another arm, he hugged him. Joe hugged to the man in response.

"You will have success Joe, don't give up". And give to the young man a little kiss in the head. He couldn't contain his reaction.

Ronnie and Laura appeared when both men were hugging.

"Oh it's Joe again. What's up?"

"Oh hi Joe!" exclaimed Laura excited.

The men left the embrace and watched to the woman and the girl.

"He failed a big audition I think" replied John.

"Oh he needs a cup of tea and some muffins" told Ronnie.

Still sobbing, Joe responded "I'm lactose intolerant, but thank you sweet lady… and hi Laura" trying to smile.

Ronnie and Laura blushed again for the kindness of the young man.

"Come in then" replied Ronnie and both men entered to the house.

"Ugh girls why you're inopportune" thought John.

----------------

The men were in the living. Ronnie asked to Laura to help her with the tea, despite the girl would prefer stare in front of Joe, contemplating his beauty.

"Was a big audition no?"

"Yeah… but that motherfucker quitted me the role. For God's sake, you already have a lot of work and success, why you need something like that?"

"Like I said, you will have success, perhaps this wasn't your time, huh?" the elder smiled kindly and puts a gentle hand over the left lap of the younger for a moment. This one started to feel nervous but great at the same time. His reply was a shy smile and a "thank you John".

When both men were talking about some things, the girls came with the tea. Laura, by her insistence, was the one to give the tea to Joe. "He-here's the tea, Joe" said the girl, without watch to the redhead. Her cheeks were fire.

"Thank you Laura" and give to the girl a little kiss in her right cheek.

The girl was so excited for that little kiss. "Oh will be with you in some years my beautiful american boy" she thought smiling, meanwhile was going to sit.

When Ronnie came, Joe said "Thank you Ronnie for the idea of the tea… sorry for that scene in your porch."

"You will have your opportunity Joe, you should add more artistic skills, to have more opportunities. You told us that you also know how to dance… what about learn an instrument?" And she watched at John, that was drinking his tea and opened widely his greenish eyes.

Gulped his tea and, leaving his cup in the tea table, he said "I could teach to him something" and watched to the redhead smiling. "What you think, Joe?"

"I love that idea", responded the young man.

After a lovely chat with the women, the men were going to the basement, where the music things were.

Laura said to her mother when they were alone "that guy really likes me"

Ronnie replied, smiling "my dear, he's only kind with you. He knows that you're a child to him. Surely he should be interested in someone near of his a-"

"MUUUUUUUUM LUKE WOKE OF HIS NAP AND FELL FROM HIS CRIB" irrumped Joshua in the living room.

The woman was upstairs running… she can hear her little son crying.

Laura, meanwhile, was daydreaming in the couch...

------

The men were in the basement. A place with old things, but also all his basses, amplifiers, another instruments and the album certifications. "This place it's the only one that contains my 20 years playing… well I still do it. We are ending a final album, but very slowly. After that, no more music industry for me. At least, playing a bass." he said to the young man. After a little tour, they sat in a couch that were there. Joe cuddled to John and started to cry again. The old man hugged with his right arm and with his left hand caressed the hair of the young man.

"Finally alone" he said and give another kiss in the head of the another.

"Thank you for comforting. Really. I didn't thought that you were that kind, lovely and… beautiful man. I could be here forever. Hugging you, feeling your heartbeats, smelling your parfum… I found paradise in your arm" confessed Joe, blushing his cheeks a little. He hugged to the elder tighter.

"I'm feeling honoured that I can make feel of that way to someone like you… God, I just knew you last Saturday, but… y'know… you makes me feel things that I didn't thought that I'd feel again" Leaving partially the embrace to smell Joe's parfum, he murmured "your smell it's also nice" and his self control was taken… he started to kiss that soft neck. And the young left go a little moan.

For a while, both forgot their problems. They started to loose in lust waters.

To Joe was the first time with a man. He left his will to the another one.

"Gosh, my dreams are becoming true…" said Joe meanwhile the elder was kissing his neck and caressing slowly with his left hand since the neck until the thighs. Right hand, to press that guy's head over his. "Make me yours, please".

The another, approximating to the boy's ear, whispered "of course, my sweet boy" and pressed the young's bulge. A deep sigh.

The elder then sat in the lap of the young, opening his legs, being face to face. He continued kissing the neck, meanwhile the another pressed the head of the another with his left hand. Right hand was caressing the another's back, reaching until the pants and trying to quit the shirt that was under the pants. When he could do it, he started to caress the warm bare skin under the clothes. He was eager for feel that but with his whole body.

The man also sighed deeply.

Joe closed his eyes and started to supplicate

"Please kiss m-" and was interrupted for his lover, who was now grabbing his face with both hands and kissing deeply. Both tongues where in contact, the young sucked a bit the tongue of the elder.

The clothes started to be an annoyance.

Both quitted the sweater of the another. The old man started to unbutton the shirt of the guy. When he unbuttoned 3 buttons, his left hand started to caress the chest of the redhead. The young could feel the calluses because of being a musician.

The man whispered "it's so soft… like I imagined" and tried to kiss to the another again. But this one said "lemme feel your chest too" watching right to the eyes. "Okay" and made a smirk. Half of the buttons were unbuttoned and when his eyes watched the result, he couldn't resist to bite his lower lip. His breath accelerated a bit more. He sighed. With his right hand could feel that hairy chest, that one that just could imagine touch in his wet dreams. And the left hand was placed in the back side of the elder man's head, passing his hand through the gray hair and kissing deeply, with passion. The another had his left hand over right cheek of the guy and the right hand was ending to unbuttoning that shirt.

Accelerated breathes. When they less can notice, both were shirtless. Both could feel the bare skin of the another, feeling the warm, feeling the breath of the another being faster. Now the redhead can caress without problems the back of his lover, that thing that just lived in his fantasies.

"Sir…"

The another listened with attention. He loved being named of that way in that moment.

"We shouldn't quit our pants… we yet have our shoes".

"Let me do it for you" and he was then sat in the floor, quitting the shoes.

Surprising to Joe, the man started to unzip the pants. Being in his knees, grabbed the genitals through the underwear.

"This is so tight… and hard." John watched to his lover.

"DO IT. DO IT! SUCK IT PLEASE"

"Shhhh Joey, don't shout. We aren't alone." And he quitted his hand of the genitals and he started to quit the shoes and his pants. And didn't leave to the guy cooperate.

"This is your punishment".

The young stood up of the couch and murmured to the right ear of John "gotcha". And he pushed to the another to the next free wall.

"I can play that game too, sir" whispered.

And he started to kiss him and grab the bulge with his right hand. The boxers were white, that didn't left nothing to the imagination.

Watching to john's eyes, Joe said "now I can confirm the myth". Both smiled.

Moments later, he asked "Quit my pants Sir and do what you wanted to do to me before in the couch. I can't handle it anymore"

He was pushed to the wall and now the another was in his knees, quitting not only the pants, but also the boxers.

The young watched the scene, trying to not cum before his dick were sucked.

Being naked now, he saw how his dick was sucked slowly and his balls being squeezed for one of that hands.

"Do it quickly please or fuck me… you're as hard as me. This isn't funny"

The another didn't replied. His mouth was occupied.

Five minutes later he left to suck that dick and, stood up and said "wait there" and he came back with a little bottle of lube.

"How you hav-"

"Was a bottle that I never could use with my wife. So, ended here."

"Turn around please, give me that little young ass"

"But your b-"

"I'll quit myself… now. Okei. Both naked. Now, relax."

He inserted the index finger from his right hand. The young moaned hard. "Don't misfire! Don't misfire!" Joe thought trying to control himself.

"Shhhhhhh we're doing this in secret"

"Okay sir"

"Do you want another finger?"

"Please".

And he inserted the middle finger too. That hole was so tight.

"Well Joey, I quitted your anal virginity" he whispered in the left ear of the redhead and started to move faster his fingers

"Liar?" Joe asked.

"Yeah"

"That's my fave bassline of yours… your face, your body language, your fingers always made me cum…"

"I could make you cum with my fingers… but I want to fuck you now…" John quitted the fingers of the hole and asked to his lover "now go to the couch and put like a dog"

John covered his dick with lube and was to Joe.

He grabbed that hips with his hands and start to fuck to the boy. Both moaned, but not too high. The man started to move faster and faster, grabbing stronger Joe's hips … He didn't wanted to say it to Joe, but he was more eager for cum than Joe.

"I already cum"

"Me too"

And both cummed.

Trying to recover their breath, they cuddled.

"Was great John, better than in my dreams. But next time, in a bed please"

"Ronnie it's always around here...well… Sunday morning, not. She was to the Church with the kids. Next Sunday will be in my bed and you can moan as high as you want."

"Ooooh great. But now we should put our clothes and do whatever we supposed to do here".

"Yeah, but not now. I want to rest a littl-"

Ronnie knocked the door.

"John, Joe, are you okay?" she screamed.

"Yeah sweetie, we were already done for today".

"Okay boys!" And she was going to the kitchen.

Watching to Joe, John said "that's why I said that you couldn't moan high…" and added "tomorrow, same hour. But the next time, I'll start to teach you bass. She had a really good idea…"

"So good that also can let us to have our own time alone" finished Joe, winking an eye.

An affair started that afternoon. Something that both wanted. Something that both needed.

**************

If you liked it, please reblog! That will help me to reach to more ppl :3

Lily.

#painandpleasure86 fics #john deacon #joe mazzello #deazzelloweek2020 #deazzello week 2020 #deazzello fic #deazzello #queen fics #queen fic #borhap boys #veronica tetzlaff #laura deacon

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inevitably-johnlocked · 5 years

Note

What are some of your favorite long johnlock fics (like 100k+ words) ?

Anonymous said to inevitably-johnlocked: Do you have any recommendations for a hella long (80k-250k+) and hella angsty with hella good writing? Like any personal favourites, if you’re into heavy stuff ig. (Bonus points if topics include either one being suicidal, infidelity/cheating, and/or if there’s a redemption arc)\

Anonymous said to inevitably-johnlocked: What’s the longest slow burn fic you’ve ever read? Ive only been reading fan fic for 4 months, and i read one that had 150k words but i was wondering if there are longer slow burns?

@deerstalker143 said to inevitably-johnlocked: Hi, I really like your fic recs, and was wondering if you could provide a fic rec of long and sweet book-length Johnlock fics :D Thank you!

Hi Lovelies!!

OH GOD, you guys asked me these AGES ago, and I started a list and it just kept growing and growing and GROWING, especially since I’m reading a lot more really long epics these days, so it makes me happy to have a decent sized list for y’all now! I think now would be a good time to post them… and I know that people have been asking for them. So I’m putting these together since they’re long-fic related LOL Slow Burn List here if you’re interested in more!

NOVEL-LENGTH FICS: 100K+ FICS

See also: Novel Length Fics: 50 to 100K (Nov. 2018) (I do have a whole bunch more since then, so just ask if you want a Pt. 2)

Definitions by siennna (T, 101,528 w+ WiP || Fluff and Humour, Love Confessions, Romance, Snuggling) – Sherlock’s journey in defining his flat mate and stumbling through the muddled world of emotion. {{This feels complete; the chapter count is listed as ? but I feel like it is done}}

The Heart In The Whole by verityburns (E, 101,650 || Post-TGG Canon Divergence, Drama & Angst, H/C, First Time) – Events after ‘The Great Game’ leave Sherlock dependent on his best friend and colleague. But John has a secret of his own…

The Cost of a Wish by slashscribe (E, 102,493 w. || xxxHolic Fusion || Spirits / Ghosts and Magic, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Soul Mates / Fated Lovers, Adventure, Immortal Sherlock, Powerful John, POV John, Frottage, Wish Granting, Angst with Happy Ending, Nightmares) – John has been plagued by a secret his entire life that has made him feel hopeless until he meets a mysterious, seemingly omniscient man named Sherlock Holmes who owns a wish-granting shop. Their meeting sets off a series of inevitable events that will change the course of both of their lives forever.

The Wedding Garments by cwb (E, 105,390 w. || Alternate Future AU || , Alternate First Meeting, Dating / Arranged Marriages, Romance, First Kiss/Time, Heavy Petting, Cuddles, POV Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn / Falling in Love / Dev. Rel., Nervous/Anxious Sherlock, Jealous/Cranky, Hiking, Vacation Homes / Honeymoon, Sherlock’s Family, Horny John/Sherlock, Patient John, Massages, Hand Jobs, Assassination Plots, Hand Jobs / Oral Sex) – This is the story of a young consulting detective who wants nothing to do with marriage and an army doctor who wants to find true love. It’s 2020 post-Brexit England and the British government is encouraging arranged marriages. Candidates meet through state-run agencies and date in hopes of finding love (and tax benefits). Sherlock doesn’t need or want a spouse, at least not until John Watson shows up. Hesitant to give in to his more carnal urges because of the way they derail his mind, how will Sherlock progress toward the more intimate aspects of a relationship? The answer lies in a very special wedding gift.

Maintenance and Repair by patternofdefiance (E, 106,650 w. || FutureAU, Augmentation || Augmented John, Depression, Body Modification, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Sci-Fi, Self-Care, Body Dysmorphia) – John wants to explain the rush of sensation and data, which is just another form of sensation (or is it the other way around?). John wants to say:Augmentation circuits report temperature, pressure, various forms of quantitative input. Sudden changes are reported as pain, since sudden changes are dangerous, and pain is the quickest way to encourage reflexive extraction. But all John can manage is, “Nng.” Because this sudden touch is not reporting as pain. Part 2 of STATIC

A Study in Winning by Jupiter_Ash (E, 106,658 w. || Tennis AU || John POV, Dirty Talk, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Happy Ending, Sherlock Speaks French, Switchlock, Wimbledon) – John and Sherlock are professional tennis players and it’s Wimbledon. One is a broken almost was at the end of his career, the other an arrogant rising star tipped for greatness. It should have been a straightforward tournament. It really should have been. How were they to know that a chance encounter would change everything? Part 1 of Tennis

Eyes Up, Heels Down by CodenameMeretricious (E, 107,845 w. || Sports Equestrian AU || Fluff, Angst, Humour, Rider!Sherlock, Groomer!John, Show Jumping, Slow Burn, Happy Ending) – Sherlock is a top eventing rider currently training at Baker Farms. John is the new groom who’s been told to steer clear of the surly rider and his horses. Part 1 of Baker Farms

between each beat are words unsaid by darcylindbergh, hudders-and-hiddles (T, 107,998 w. || Epistolary, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Angst, Happy Ending) – On their wedding night, John and Sherlock gift each other with the things they each said when the other could not hear, the things they each put down where the other could not see: a collection of writings that illustrate the way their love for one another has grown over the years. Part 1 of between each beat

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w. || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, H/C, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.

THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF JOHN WATSON by skyefullofstars (T, 110,758 w. || H/C, Kidnapping, Angst, Violence, Whump, Nightmares, Murder, Drug Addiction, Torture) – While Sherlock grapples with his new-found feelings for John Watson, he faces a very real threat: John’s kidnapping and shooting at the hands of James Moriarty. And the knowledge that the love of his life is being used to test an addictive drug - at the risk of John’s sanity and life. Prequel to THE BOYS OF BAKER STREET. Part 1 of THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF JOHN WATSON

Breakable by MissDavis (E, 117,627 w. || Established, Fluff/Angst, Depression, Paralysis, Happy-ish Ending) –After John is seriously injured, Sherlock struggles to figure out how to help him, keep himself sane, and maybe, just maybe, get their life back to the way it’s supposed to be. Part 1 of Breakable Not Broken {{I love Sherlock’s characterization in this… it’s so heartwrenching but very realistic}}.

The Burning Heart by May_Shepard (M, 119,150 w. || Canon Divergence, Post-TRF, John’s Sexuality, S3 Rewrite, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV John Watson, John’s Gay) – When Sherlock dies, John Watson feels like his life is over too. He’s completely shut down, until Mark Morstan, a new nurse at John’s medical clinic, catches his attention, and helps him uncover the long buried truth of his attraction to men. Although he’s certain he’ll never get over Sherlock, John plans to move on, and build a new life with Mark, unaware that Sherlock is not quite as dead as he appears, and that Mark is hiding secrets of his own.

The Swan Triad by Pennin_Ink (T, 121,660 w. across 3 works || Swan Lake AU || Magical / Fairy Tale AU, Romance, Falling in Love, Pining, Psychological Torture, Transformation) – Sherlock and John grow up spending every summer together. Their mothers’ attempts to play matchmaker only fuel their mutual resentment and scorn. But then, one summer.

A Further Sea by i_ship_an_armada & ShinySherlock (E, 125,492 w. || Historical Pirates AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Doctor John / Pirate Captain Sherlock, Sailing, UST / RST, Masturbation, Action / Adventure, Mild Angst & Peril, Romance, Shaving, Molly/Janine, Bottomlock, Hand / Blow Jobs, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Mild Violence, Happy Ending) – Here be a tale of adventure for both body and soul, but beware if ye be not of stout heart, for this be piratelock, ya savvy? Luckless ship’s surgeon John Watson takes a chance, and finds himself eye to eye with The Ghost, the scourge of the seven seas and a definite thorn in the side of the blaggard, James Moriarty. But when John finds there’s more to this most cunning pirate than be meetin’ the eye, he has to choose… is it a pirate’s life for him?

To Light Another’s Path by BeautifulFiction (E, 128,654 w. || Post-TGG, Sick Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Drug Addiction / Recreational Drug Use, First Time / Kiss, Case Fic) – Teaching John to observe seems to be a losing battle, but when Sherlock falls ill and submits himself to John’s care, will he realise that there is more to life than the science of deduction? Meanwhile, there is a murder to solve, and John must try and convince Sherlock not to sacrifice his own health for the sake of the case.

The Horse and his Doctor by khorazir (T, 129,003 w. || Horse / Vet AU || Magical Realism, Horses, Vet John, Horse Sherlock, Implied Alcoholism) – Invalided after a run in with a poacher in Siberia, veterinary surgeon John Watson finds it difficult to acclimatise to the mundanity of London life. Things change when a friend invites him along to a local animal shelter and he meets their latest acquisition, a trouble-making Frisian with the strangest eyes and even stranger quirks John has ever encountered in a horse.

Ten Days by Engazed (E, 137,208 w. || Rape/Non-Con, Post-TRF, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Torture, Case Fic) – Sherlock Holmes has been dead for forty months, and John is at last beginning to live his life again. But just when he believes he might be happy, his world crashes back down around him. John is named a missing person. Someone is pointing DI Lestrade in the wrong direction. And as the days pass, his situation only grows more dire. It seems like the disappearance of his best friend is the only thing that can bring Sherlock Holmes back from the dead. Part 1 of The Fallen

Colors by Quesarasara (E, 140,537 w. || Pleasantville-Inspired AU || Soulmates, Colour Bonds, Alternating POV, Angst, Fluff, Pining, Case Fic, Medical Procedures) – Everyone on earth is born with eyes that see in black, white, and an endless series of greys. When you meet your soulmate, you finally see the world in color. We’re all searching for the person who brings color to our lives. John and Sherlock are no exception. Part 1 of The Colors ‘Verse

How to Build a Heart out of Ashes by Teumessian (E, 144,931 w. || Changling AU || Slow Burn, Drug Use, Mentions of Child Abuse / Bullying, Mentions of Student/Teacher Relations, Uni-Age) – In an AU where a small number of the population become Changelings at a young age, at 17 John Watson believes he’s destined for Normal life but then the Change takes him and he is sent to the Baker Institute. There he meets Sherlock Holmes.

Midnight Blue Serenity by BeautifulFiction (E, 151,907 w. || Friends to Lovers, Gay Bar / For a Case, Drugs, Pining, Case Fic, UST) – When Sherlock infiltrates a club in order to track down a serial killer, his altered appearance is enough to make John question his assumption that Sherlock is beyond his reach. However, is he the only one who appreciates his flatmate’s charms, or is Sherlock at risk of becoming the next victim?

A Fold in the Universe by darkest_bird (E, 152,857 w. || O-John, A-Sherlock || Body Swap, Crossing Universes, DubCon, H/C, Angst, Happy Ending) – Alpha Sherlock and Omega John are in a relationship. Prime Sherlock and Prime John are not. So what happens when a freak fold in the universe switches one John for the other?

Performance In a Leading Role by Mad_Lori (E, 156,714 w. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Hollywood / Actor AU, Secret Relationship, Falling in Love, Slow Burn, Romance, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Pining) – Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world? Part 1 of Performance in a Leading Role

The Quiet Man by ivyblossom (E, 157,369 w. || Post-TRF, John First POV, Grief/Mourning, Angst, Present Tense, Imaginary Sherlock) – “Do you just carry on talking when I’m away?”

Gimme Shelter by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (E, 159,368 w. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || 70′s Surfer AU || Period Typical Homophobia, Hawaii, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Professional Surfers, Gay John / Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, John was a Sailor, Misunderstandings) – All John Watson wants is the feeling of a freshly waxed surfboard under his feet and the hot California sun baking down onto his back. To finally go pro in the newly formed world of professional surfing and leave the dark memories of his past behind him as he rips across the face of a towering blue barrel. To lounge beside the beach bonfire every evening with an ice cold beer tucked into the cool sand beside him and listen to Pink Floyd and the Doors while the saltwater dries in his sun bleached hair. That’s all he wants, that is, until the hot young phenom taking Oahu and the Hawaiian shores by storm steps up next to him in the sand in the second round of the 1976 International Surf Competition. (PUBLISHED AS ‘The Sea Ain’t Mine Alone’)

Mise en Place by azriona (M, 161,004 w. || Restaurant (Kitchen Nightmares) AU || Sherlock is Gordon Ramsay / Celebrity Sherlock, Restauranteur John, Harry Plays Prominent Role, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, Cranky Sherlock, Bed Sharing, Slow Burn) – John Watson had no intentions of taking over the family business, but when he returns from Afghanistan, battered and bruised, and discovers that his sister Harry has run their restaurant into the ground, he doesn’t have much choice. There’s only one thing that can save the Empire from closing for good – the celebrity star of the BBC series Restaurant Reconstructed, Chef Sherlock Holmes. Part 1 of Mise en Place

Sketchy by serpentynka (E, 184,053 w. || Post-TRF, Post-Mary, John Whump, Slow Burn Love Story, Case Fic, Art, Porn With Feelings, Switchlock, Travelling, Career Change, Family Secrets, Illness / Health) – What (and who) will be left when nobody cares about your Work? A slow-burn fic with cases, places, mistaken identities, unfair choices, essential changes, violent feels, blatant lies, fearless portraiture, family secrets, high-risk bespoke gifts, durable friendships, bedtime stories, foreign travel and tongues, sickness (and health), and the significance of things which are slow to unfurl – but cannot be ignored. Oh, and…porn. Part 1: Sherlock takes on an obvious case (barely a 4) and meets someone who will force him to re-examine what it means to see. Part 1 of Sketchy

Unkissed Series by 221b_hound (T to E, 184,168 w. across 46 works || Established Relationship, Ace Sherlock) – Sherlock returned from the dead a year ago. John returned to Baker Street six months ago. They’ve been in a couple since then. or at least, not NOT a couple. For two smart men, they sure can be dumb. Luckily, an art thief tries to drown Sherlock, Sherlock has a fever dream and things are about to change.

Fallen Series by Belladonna_Q, mamishka (T, 222,094 w. across 3 works || Winglock || Angel!John, Angels & Demons, Faes, Christianity, Changelings) – In a world where myth, mystery, and the supernatural flourish beneath the veneer of modern civilization, Sherlock is a master of magic as well as science and deduction. But there are some things that he cannot see, riddles he cannot unravel, even when they walk right beside him in the form of one John Watson…

The Gilded Cage by BeautifulFiction (E, 326,887 w. || Omegaverse || Omega Sherlock / Alpha John, Friends to Lovers, Dub Con, Reproductive Rights) – In a world where Omegas are the property of the elite Alphas, locked away and treasured by those wealthy enough to buy them, John never questioned his flatmate’s secondary gender. Sherlock Holmes was an Alpha through-and through. Wasn’t he? A chance discovery turns the world on its head, and John is left grappling to come to terms with Sherlock’s past as events conspire to threaten their future.

MARKED FOR LATER

Cake and Other Sins by Indybaggins (E, 100,670 w. || Great British Bakeoff AU || Alternate First Meeting, Angst, Baking, Desire, Disability, Incest (Holmescest/Holmescest with John), Masturbation, Falling in Love, Oral, Outdoor Sex, Past Drug Use, Poisoning, Voyeurism) – Sherlock and John meet as competing bakers on The Great British Bake Off. There’s intense baking, lush recipes and enticing food. Mycroft, guilt, past sins in chocolate and gingerbread. And love. That too.

Minutiae (Or 156 Things I Know About You) by AtlinMerrick (E, 101,342 w. + || WiP, Marriage, Anal/Oral Sex, Domestic, Stand Alone Chapters, Humour, Prompts, Lovers, Short Stories) – Here, in no particular order, are some of the things John has learned about Sherlock, and some of the things Sherlock has learned about John. In the end there will be 156 mundane and unusual facts for each of them. (Um…I never stopped at 156.) (All chapters stand alone.)

A Ritual to Read to Each Other by weeesi (E, 101,463 w. || Post S3 / Post HLV, Pining, Alternating POV, Masturbation, John’s Nightmares, Mary is Not Nice, Love Confessions, Flashbacks, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, BJ’s / HJ’s, Shower Sex, Anal, John Deals With Feelings, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Injury, On Holidays, Implied Mystrade) – After Mycroft terminated his exile but before Sherlock could escape from the infuriating plane, John and Mary were whisked away by car to an unknown location.Sherlock hasn’t seen them for an entire year. He doesn’t know when he’ll see John again – until one day, he does.But, of course, nothing is simple.

Dog Days by All_I_need (E, 101,627 w. || Post-Baskerville AU, Experiments Gone Wrong, Fluff and Humour) – John has an accident in the laboratory of the Baskerville military facility. While they wait for the scientists to find a solution, he and Sherlock must re-examine the nature of their friendship as they navigate daily life and the Work, all while trying to answer the truly important questions: Is it okay to pet your flatmate if he happens to be a dog at the moment? And how exactly do you beg a self-professed sociopath for cuddles? Part 1 of Dog Days

The Bravery of the Soldier by bakerstreetgirl (G, 101,703 +w., WIP || BAMF John, John in Afghanistan, PTSD, Post-TRF, Case Fic, Sherlock Cares, Epic Bromance, Platonic Soulmates, Platonics, Flashbacks) – When a news story about a hostage situation in Afghanistan breaks, details about John Watson’s military service come to light that the doctor had kept secret for a long time. Sherlock is intrigued and John manages to surprise the British government. What John needs in light of this story and the PTSD responses it flares up, is a friend. Can Sherlock Holmes step up to the job?Deals mainly with John’s career and military background, plus epic friendship, BAMFness and a little bit of case fic. Part 1 of the Before Baker Street series

We Will Survive by anny (M, 105,960 w. || Viclock vs Johnlock, Past Viclock, Anal / BJ’s / Orgasms, Music, Jealousy, Case Fic, Social Media, Protective Mycroft, Pining John / Sherlock, Fluff, Weddings, Drug References, Drunkenness, Angst, Humour, Character Death) – After Reichenbach, Sherlock is back in London to face a new villain: Sebastian Moran. But he has to deal with John’s new life with Mary Morstan, and he soon understands that things between them have changed. With the arrival of Victor Trevor in Sherlock’s life, John will finally deal with his true feelings for Sherlock…

How Long? by TheBritishBourbon (M, 111,010 w. || Kidnapping, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Injured Sherlock, Protective John, PTSD Sherlock, Flashbacks, Dark Themes, Implied Torture) – Sherlock never got to jump off the roof of St. Barts, he never got the chance. Sherlock was abducted and held for 5 years, but now he has escaped. What awaits him as he returns to reality? Part 1 of How Long Universe

Two Two One Bravo Baker by abundantlyqueer (E, 114,574 w. || Military AU || Afghanistan, War Story, Thriller) – Captain John Watson of 40 Commando, the Royal Marines, is assigned to protect and assist Sherlock Holmes as he investigates what appears to be a simple war atrocity in Afghanistan. An intense attraction ignites between the two men as they uncover a conspiracy that threatens everything they’ve ever known, but Sherlock is as much hunted as hunter, and everyone close to him is in deadly danger. Can he solve the case in time to save himself and John? Part 1 of Two Two One Bravo Baker Universe

Scotch Series by earlgreytea68 (M, 119,371 w. over 17 works || [Untagged, will tag when read]) – In which Sherlock asks Mycroft for a favor.

Did you feel it? : A soulmates AU by MorganeUK (G, 126,783 w. || Soulmates AU || Kid/Teen/Unilock, Protective Greg, Angst, Big Feels, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Mystrade, Injuries, Slow Burn, Anxious John, BAMF John, Protective John, Est. Rel., Happy Ending) – In a world where 0.01% of the population have a soulmate with whom they share pains and violent emotions… what are the odds that an ex-army doctor and an ex-addict detective open their heart and soul enough to found each others?Finally writing a twist on the soulmates trend… Hope you like it!

The Case of the Moebius Trip by Bitenomnom (NR, 129,218 w. || Time Travel, BAMF!John, Angst, Death, Post-TRF) – When John finally gives in and accepts a case for the first time since Sherlock fell eight months ago, he finds himself in a unique position: in possession of what his client calls a time machine, and desperate enough to give it a go. If it works, he could travel back in time. If it works, he could save Sherlock.

“Merry Christmas” I wrapped it up and sent it with a note saying “I love you” by starrysummernights (E, 136,580+ w. || WIP, chapter missing? || Post S4, Slow Burn, Mary is Not Nice, Christmas, Fluff, Smut, Angst, Parentlock, Past Torture / Rape) – John has moved back into 221B with his daughter Rosie after Mary was killed, but things are not exactly comfortable between him and Sherlock. After everything that has happened, they are trying to become friends again…and maybe something more. What better time than the Christmas season?! Takes place after TLD.

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w. || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel.) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it’s a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

Ten Days by Engazed (E, 137,208 w. || Rape/Non-Con, Post-TRF, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Torture, Case Fic) – Sherlock Holmes has been dead for forty months, and John is at last beginning to live his life again. But just when he believes he might be happy, his world crashes back down around him.John is named a missing person. Someone is pointing DI Lestrade in the wrong direction. And as the days pass, his situation only grows more dire. It seems like the disappearance of his best friend is the only thing that can bring Sherlock Holmes back from the dead. Part 1 of The Fallen {{I haven’t read this one yet so heed the tags}}

Emperor Tales of the Frozen South by cwb (M, 153,444 w. || Penguin AU || Adventure, Rituals, Fluff, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Gay Rights, Bonding, Antartica) – At the bottom of the world, two intrepid explorers make their way in the harshest of environments. An important journey must be taken, and prophecies fulfilled, but not before family meddling, political interference, and self-doubt threaten to alter the future of an entire species.If you know me at all, you know that this had to be done. Part 1 of Emperor Tales of the Frozen South

Skeletons by flawedamythyst (T, 174,262 w. across 3 works || Implied Character Death) – Sherlock’s refusal to talk about his past hides far more skeletons than John could ever have guessed at. Halloween-esque AU.

All the Best and Brightest Creatures by wordstrings (E, 188,426 w. || Case Fic, Action/Adventure, POV First Person, Alternate Canon, Romance, Hurt / Comfort, Love at First Sight, Asexuality, Kidnapping, Torture, Drug Use/Addiction) – Sherlock sent Jim Moriarty to prison for killing Carl Powers at age ten. This is the story of the consequences.

Nature and Nurture by earlgreytea68 (M, 203,273 w. || Parentlock, Cloning, Kidlock, Dev. Rel.) – The British Government accidentally clones Sherlock Holmes. Which brings a baby to 221B Baker Street. Part 1 of Nature & Nurture

Free Falling by twistedthicket1 (M, 203,574 w. || Winglock, Fluff and Angst, Humour, Kidlock / Teenlock, Mystrade & Johnlock) – All Guardian angels are born with a Chosen human. When this child is born, the angel comes into being to protect and care for them during their life on Earth. For John Watson, all he cares about in the world revolves around his Chosen, Sherlock Holmes. Watching him grow up though, the angel soon learns that God must have had a sense of humor the day he decided to make Sherlock, as trouble seems to follow him like a magnet wherever he goes. John can’t decide what’s worse, the idea of losing his Chosen one, or the fact that he may be breaking the most taboo law of heaven as he disguises himself as a human to better protect and befriend the beloved detective he’s always watched from afar. He was meant to care for him. But what happens when caring evolves into something more? What happens when an emotion an angel is supposed to be incapable of possessing comes to life suddenly and viciously inside John’s chest?

The Jewel in the Tower by PoppyAlexander (E, 207,079 w. || Dystopian AU, Violence, Rape/Non-Con Elements, Mild Dub Con, One World Government, Class Issues, Assassin John / Geisha Sherlock, Self Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Espionage, Miscommunication, Sexual Fantasy, Masturbation, Letters/Texting, Phone Sex, Infidelity, First Time, Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Injury Recovery, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Scars, Misgendering, Happy Endings) – In a contemporary dystopia, Unity is peace – despite the fact unsanctioned information, illicit currency, and every sort of danger flows unchecked in the world’s pleasure districts. John Watson, a weary hired gun, is assigned by the mysterious Mentor to investigate a subversive element lurking in the Icehouse, the world’s most famous House of Repose. As accustomed as he is to dealing with the unexpected, John is nevertheless woefully unprepared to meet the gem of the Ice house, Xie, the world renowned “drashaskaya,” the living work of art after which all other drashas are modeled. In sumptuous suites, amid trailing puddles of silk and fervent whispers in the night, John soon learns that nothing is as it seems in the floating world of London’s pleasure district. (PUBLISHED AS “At Night in the Floating World”)

The Good Morrow Series by greywash (E, 216,513 +w. across 5 works || WiP || Post-TRF Divergence, Horny John, Smut, Feelings, Negotiations, Christmas/Advent, Sherlock is a Mess, Relationships, Addiction Issues, PTSD, Therapy, Injury, Aging, Loneliness, Marriage, Family, Friendship, POV Second Person, Travel, Character Studies) – A post-S2 series where everyone has a lot of feels about everything and plausibility is stretched unto breaking. Also: fucking.

You Go To My Head by 7PercentSolution and J_Baillier (E, 257,765+ w. across 8 Stories, WiP || Surgeon AU || Medical Realism, Doctor John / Doctor Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Addiction, Angst, Slow Burn, PTSD, Pining, Insecurity) – This series is an alternate universe one, featuring the exciting medical and romantic adventures of doctors Watson (senior neuroanaesthetist) and Holmes (neurosurgeon).

Radioactive Trees In A Red Forest by Maribor_Petrichor (E, 280,251 w. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-S4, Suicidal Ideations, Alcohol / Rx Drug Abuse, Coming Out / Bisexual John, Seizures, Past/Referenced/Implied Child Abuse, Hallucinations, Rehab, Celibacy, Sobriety / Relapse, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Psychological Trauma, Nice /Not Anti-Mary, John’s POV, Parentlock, First Time, Angst, Switchlock) – John Watson is what happens when a man can no longer see a reason to go on. John Watson is what happens when a man starts to let go. “It is what it is.” John Watson is what happens when what “it is” becomes too much to bear. This is a story of the life, death, and resurrection of John Hamish Watson.

Enigma by khorazir (M, 289,667 w. || Codebreaker / WWII / Imitation Game-Inspired AU || Case Fic, Espionage, Period-Typical Homophobia / Sexism, Pining Sherlock, Inexperienced / VirginSherlock, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Non-Graphic Violence) – It’s the autumn of 1941, war is raging in Europe, German U-boats are raiding Allied convoys in the Atlantic, the Luftwaffe is bombing English cities, and the cryptographers at Bletchley Park are working feverishly to decode their enemies’ encrypted communications. One should consider this challenge and distraction enough for capricious codebreaker Sherlock Holmes. But the true enigmas are yet waiting to be deciphered: an unbreakable code, a strange murder, and the arrival of Surgeon Captain John H. Watson of the Royal Navy.

My Heart Is True As Steel by prettysailorsoldier (E, 316,207 w. || Teenlock, Case Fic, Rugby, Fluff, First Kiss/Time, Past Drug Use, Anal, Blow Jobs) – When Sherlock and John become roommates at a prestigious sixth-form college, they both get a lot more than they bargained for. Between Shakespeare, rugby, and not a small amount of murder, it promises to be a very interesting year, but there is much more going on than meets the eye. A noose is tightening around the duo, darker and more dangerous than anyone realizes, and it will take everything they both have to unravel it before they lose everything they’ve found.

NUTRISCO ET EXTINGUO by Zoffoli (M, 327,772 w. || Alternating Second Person POV, Post-TRF, Character Study, Romance, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Humour, Mystery) – “You haven’t said what you wanted to say.” Well yes, some things take you by surprise, and you’re not quite prepared for them. Like when your best friend jumps off a building in front of you.

Deflowered - Director’s Cut by Lorelei_Lee (E, 328,535 w. || Mafia / Mob AU || Rape/Non-Con, Dub-Con, Boss John/Rentboy Sherlock, Bottomlock, Virgin Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Jealous John, Prostate Milking, Sounding, Anal Beads/Plug, Anal Sex / Fingering, Spanking, Begging, Blow Jobs, Riding Crops, Begging, Romance, Desperation, Minor Character Death, Implied Self Harm, Violence) – It should have been strictly business. Being a Mafia boss with a sadistic sexual streak, John had long since realised that his playthings were in it for the money only. Being a masochistic rent boy, Sherlock seemed too good to be true. Little did they know…

The Men Who Talked Between the Words by Odamaki (E, 463,024 w. || Parentlock, UST/URT, Pining Sherlock, Grieving John, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse, Slow Burn/Build, Case Fic, First Kiss / Time, Implied/Referenced Suicide & Drug Use, Slow Burn, Sherlock Whump, Panic Attacks) – John expected to be a father some day; he expected to have the house, and the wife and the nice suburban job. Sherlock never expected to have children, in part because he never expected to make it past 30. As it turns out, you don’t get a choice. Crammed into Baker Street with a baby, John struggles with single-parenthood and his own fears, while Sherlock treads the fine line between doing too little and saying too much.

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #long fics #novel length fics #100k fics #my fic recs #long post #burdenedwithacurse

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applekitty · 5 years

Text

‘game dedede’ is not a good person to ship escargoon with and here’s why

im glad my escargoon analysis resonated with lots of people. i saw some comments on it, which i feel the need to reply to because they’re on my post. a small few comments have been about the main focus of this whole multi paragraph crazed yammering; game dedede

(content warning: i talk about the horror comic killing stalking for four paragraphs. wow i bet this content warning doesn’t give mood whiplash at all)

now, game dedede isn’t much of anything. he’s a non-character, as he has no discernible personality in the games that isn’t really much of anything more than a catalyst for people to project a personality onto. as are all the game characters, because kirby isn’t focused so much on plot and indepth character development as it is about the gameplay. nintendo’s always been good at gameplay, so they have basically stuck to what they’ve known and sprinkled small plot bits around places and entirely discarded anything other than hints personalities so that way they have an excuse for pure gameplay and fun to occur. it’s the same way with mario, and zelda, and usually basically all of their properties. yes, even pokemon, though usually when pokemon gets too plot heavy we get games like sun and moon, which are basically just cutscenes upon cutsc-

what was i talking about? oh, right, game dedede.

game dedede is usually seen by the fandom as a variety of things, but the main one is nice. and by nice i mean he is usually portrayed as someone who is typically valorous and is doing the right thing, not someone who is necessarily pleasant, though some like to make him pleasant or jolly. if you know me or have even been on my blog even once on pc you’ll notice the cool deviantart stamp i got from one of my friends. i fully agree with the things it entails; dedede not being your typical uwu ‘do nothing wrong’ monarch that he’s often now plastered as because he did the whole ‘i help this cat’ in rtdl or because he wanted to keep nightmare from coming out of the fountain in nightmare in dreamland and.. whatever the name was of the game that it was a remake of.

people usually want to be able to root for the protagonist, and since dedede was a protagonist and / or in the right in a few occasions, we want to see him as a good guy doing good guy things. and there’s plenty of different ways to take that, as there’s both evidence for and against him being a morally light character. but that’s not really the point of what i’m talking about here. regardless of your own personal opinion on how ‘game dedede’ morally is, he is not a good person for escargoon to be with. there’s a reason why i said someone should be shipping him with an oc rather than game dedede, and it’s precisely because ‘game dedede’, even if he somehow zapped into the anime verse, would not be good to ship with him.

and it’s not based on chemistry or because game dedede is secretly or openly evil or something like that. it’s purely because escargoon is still a victim of abuse. and if you’re someone with a few braincells you want him to get out of that abuse and go find a new husband who’ll love and care for him. for escargoon to get game dedede seems to make sense at first because escargoon is so devoted to the anime one, but when you look at it, it’s not healthy at all.

this is essentially taking escargoon’s old abuser, wiping away all the ‘sins’ of his character just to make it so escargoon can date him. just so he can date an idealized version of his abuser. this person is quite literally just his abuser but with a mental coat of paint.

allow me to draw comparison.

i’m going to go off here about a comic that i warned about at the top of the post. i’m not going to go too indepth about it due to the sheer nausea i might cause people if i do. it is a rather extreme example sheerly due to the content of said comic, but i can’t think of another better one off the top of my head. there’s a comic named killing stalking which was a big note for socio-political talk i think a few years back. it was a horror comic about a killer and a stalker wherein the murderer takes the stalker in, breaks his legs, and keeps in his house. the stalker, who already had sexual interest in his kidnapper, is abused due to various here and there reasons, and then after a while the comic begins the two’s sexual-romantic yet still abusive relationship. here’s the thing. the two of the characters are both men, so the relationship is gay.

many took to tumblr and various other medias smacking the comic for the display that it created (the comic chock is full of fairly nauseating things that are worth calling disgusting, but are expected of a shock horror comic) and the association it made between gay men and murderers, as well as making gay men look predatory and dangerous. normally said comic wouldn’t have been much of a problem or very noteworthy if it were about a straight pair, but it was about this Evil Gay Murderer Pair, so it was a source of controversy like shit is an attractor of flies.

despite the controversy that the comic had gotten, and the treatment in-canon it had of its characters being very clearly evil and in the wrong and clear deservance of being detracted, something strange happened. not in the comic, but in the people who decided to support said comic. people decided to support it for a number of reasons, one being that ‘oh it’s a horror comic i like horror despite what controversy or effects it may have on people’. i remember seeing it once, on my dashboard, i think. or back in the day when i was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on with this comic that everyone on my dash was just going to town on. people were shipping the two main, gay characters with eachother. and they weren’t doing it in a way that was ‘oh the murderer is so hot look at him in all this blood’ sort of way. it was in a much more.. ‘cozy’ position. it was fluffy. it was shown as cute. at first i thought it was because people were fucking weirdos, but i remember this one caption that has been recalled in perfect paraphrased clarity to me.

‘some people make aus to make their ships more angsty, but i’m out here making mine healthy lol’

people were taking the murderer, the main person who was causing the problems in the comic, and turning him into a loving husband for the stalker (who was shown as very mentally ill and in desperate need of love and attention). people were making the pairing that the comic itself showed as horrifying and awful to be fluffy and cute and devoid of any problems. so that way the victim was no longer hurt. it was an au. the murderer had a new personality, he was a changed man who never hurt anyone, so he was perfect for the stalker. that way, the ship could be had but there would be no issue whatsoever.

and to be quite honest, that’s what we have here. we have an offshoot of that. though obviously the source material is much less dangerous in our case, we still have a victim in desperate need of love in an abusive relationship with someone who hurts them. then, we have people shipping said victim with a new version of that abuser just to wipe the slate clean. just to keep the ship going without anyone objecting to it, because it can all be explained away as an au or what have you. though, i’m sure the ship in killing stalking was very much bashed by people (at least, i hope it was), while this one isn’t.

i can hear my strawman in the replies already going ‘well thanks for the tangent. but ching, game dedede’s a different person. he is legitimately a different canon than anime dedede, meanwhile this is people making things up that the canon doesn’t support. if you dated a twin you won’t apply the sins of the twin on the other one, would you?’ and if this were a real life situation, you’d be correct.

it’d be wrong to place the sins of one twin onto another sheerly because one was an abusive asshole. but since is a real life scenario, putting a victim of abuse back with someone who looks exactly like their abuser would most certainly create extreme fear and panic in that victim. it wouldn’t matter if one of the twins hasn’t done anything, the potential relationship would forever be ruined and it’d be out of their control. and no one, no self respecting person, should ever have a victim date them if they look exactly like said victim’s old abuser. that’s just asking for mental troubles and constant panic attacks.

but that’s if this were real. it’s not real. this is video games and cartoons. it doesn’t come down to that, it comes down to us and what we decide to do, and what we decide to ship. these are not real people. we are putting them together for our own amusement because you’d think they’d get along. and doing this with a ship like this with game dedede says, to me, "I do not care if it is abusive in canon, I want to ship it anyways without any problems or people calling me out, so I’ll make it so people can’t do that by stripping the abuser of their abusive characteristics and make it so this abusive ship is all sunshine and rainbows". this is especially poignant if escargoon is stripped of all his abuse as well, allowing for him to be shipped more easily. it is quite literally going ‘nope’ when one is confronted with the very real trauma of a character and discarding it. don’t get me wrong, some things in canon should be discarded in some sources of entertainment, but a character’s abuse being discarded entirely for the sake of shipping just does not sit well with me.

of course, people who ship it are absolutely not thinking this maliciously when they ship discountdesuka, but that’s what it is irregardless of what they are thinking.

‘game’ dedede / escargoon is a ‘what could’ve been’ situation.

it is an idealized version of dedesuka, one which throws a key aspect of escargoon’s out the door purely for the fluff and the cute gay moments that could’ve been. and sadly enough, it’s probably what escargoon dreams and hopes could happen (which is arguable because escargoon gets suspicious whenever dedede is nice to him), but it never does.

i understand why people do it. i know they don’t have some secret plan to be evil by creating secret abusive content that has hidden messages in it so everyone will ship abusive ships or something ridiculous like that, and if you thought that i thought that you’re very wrong.

in some’s cases (as shown by the tags on my escargoon post), they want to reclaim a relationship which was blatantly homophobic in execution and turn it into something better. others just want a cute ship because their version of ‘game’ dedede is morally better than his anime counterpart, and wouldn’t hurt escargoon. they want to make wholesome content to drown out canon’s shows of abuse and negativity. which is understandable to want, but to show respect to the concepts the show puts out, isn’t something that should be embraced with ‘game’ dedede/escargoon.

but there is no undoing what anime dedede/escargoon is in the show, and what it means to give escargoon over to ‘game’ dedede instead. ‘game’ dedede / escargoon is not abusive by any initial means, but it is still something that should not be shipped regardless.

it is disrespect to escargoon’s status as an abuse victim to ship him with the same exact person who abused him and say it’s okay because ‘he has a different personality’.

i am begging you. please ship escargoon with your oc or some other game character.

#shitpost #kirby #kirby right back at ya #hoshi no kaabi #analysis #it has a tl;dr at the end #bash anime dedede for being 'ooc' (or anything of the like) in the replies and die by my sword

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chocoberry-dream · 5 years

Text

So, here are my thoughts on this whole thing. (It’s long and a lil unorganized but it be like that sometimes lmao 🤷🏾‍♀️ also I’m on mobile so can’t figure out how to do the read more option for whatever reason =/)

To give some insight to all this, I started believing kaisoo was real on April 1st 2016, the day kxk was announced. I had only been officially stanning Ek sew since cmb but knew of them since overdose era. Ks and ji have consistently been my biases. I was here all throughout the kxk era and even predicted that they would soon break up in this post. So even though I’m a little bit taken aback and somewhat wasn’t expecting this, this ain’t my first rodeo.

Although in this situation I feel like this scandal is mainly being done to cover J*nnie (I also share this viewpoint with others such as @soofection and @kaisoounderground, correct me if I’m mistaken lol) what I think bothers me the most about how this is Ji’s second time in a dating scandal is the perceptions that people have of him regarding his persona and who he really is.

Keep in mind that what I’m about to say is my own perception of things, everyone has their own way of looking at shyt but at the end of the day I don’t personally know ji so I’m not claiming anything as fact. It’s all based on what I’ve observed about him throughout the years with him being my ultimate bias not just in kpop but like..in life lol. (There are other supporters who share the same idea, like @faakeid for example.)

——————-

I feel like since e——x—-o was created, the image of a “hot, sexy bad boy player” has always been pinned on ji. Out of all the members, he’s always the one front and center with him being the face of the group. He’s is usually the one in the most eccentric or revealing clothing (cue the crop tops and black hairstyles). He has a smoldering ‘come hither’ gaze and a smirk when he dances that will send you to your knees. He plays the bad guy or ladies man roll in almost every music video, and outside of the videos he’s wearing Gucci clothes strolling through the airport like it’s his runway. He’s hot. He knows it. You know it. I know it. So it would make sense, in a heteronormative world, that he would be a real ladies man.

But it’s weird, because outside of his stage persona, ji is different. He’s shy and awkward. He doesn’t really go out much, doesn’t drink, doesn’t have too many friends. He’s extremely observant and attentive to people and takes in all that is happening around him. He giggles a lot, sleeps a lot, reads a lot. He is weak for babies and dogs. He is super sentimental and insightful and wears his emotions right there on his sleeve. I’ve never seen him not accept a fan letter in an airport. He is an almost 6foot tall grown man that owns stuffed animals lmao.

I’m not saying his stage persona is not necessarily accurate, bits and pieces of that may be the side of him that is only able to be revealed through his art (I.e dancing/performing). But I feel like even though most fans acknowledge the ka*/ji duality, as soon as a scandal comes out about him everyone forgets it and suddenly he’s just the image he portrays.

Which brings me to this jxk scandal. Maybe it’s because he’s my bias and I’m just observant and keen on getting info about ppl I like, but once again everything mentioned in the dispatch statement doesn’t match the ji who isn’t his stage persona. Placing kaisoo aside for a moment, shyt like uploading matching insta posts, dating a celeb and getting caught for the second time just doesn’t seem like something ji would do. Though cute and soft, he’s not irresponsible and most importantly he’s not dumb. He’s walked through airports with face masks on to cover facial hair, but wouldn’t wear one for a date with a very famous celebrity under a dating ban after getting caught once before? It simply doesn’t make sense, but I feel like because people are so desperate for his k*i persona to be the real him, they ignore the real him and make it make sense. It doesn’t help that the company he works for consistently pushes this image of him as well.

Same with kxk back in 2016. The rumors people came up with were absolutely vile. Shyt like blowjobs in public pools and condom receipts (both debunked to be false btw) and literally everyone ate it up. Meanwhile I’m sitting here wondering....does anyone know who ji actually is?? Like seriously has anyone actually paid attention to who he is and how he behaves/interacts with people and carries himself? He couldn’t even say the word breast on tv but he’s getting blowjobs in public pools? I mean the shyt doesn’t even sound right lmao.

It also baffles me that people continue to believe dispatch year after year, even though they’ve been proven to have released false rumors and info. Again I think it’s because people want it to be true. They want it to fit their narrative and their image of ji which is largely again, most likely just his persona. They want to believe it’s true because its an “aesthetic couple” despite the fact that (unlike ba*ky*on) we heard not a peep from ji nor krys during kxk and every single part of dispatch’s story + rumors were proven false (and I’m sure the same thing will happen again now).

But it all makes sense in their heads bc in their heads, the hot sexy playboy ji on stage is really who they think he is. Someone like him could only be with another hot and sexy woman, which brings me to my second big issue about this: the ridiculous double standards with heteronormativity in Korea and in the industry/among fans. We all know that as soon as we give even a tiny hit that we think ji and is are dating, we’ll get called insane and delusional in a heartbeat. But how is it delusional to believe this? Because they’re both boys and in the same group? Do people not realize that something like this happened already?

If anything, I feel as though it would be easier to conceal your sexuality as a gay/non-straight male within kpop as an idol (let me reiterate easier to conceal, by no means am I implying that it would make living and/or identifying as lgbtq+ easier) than it would be as a normal every day person, and the reason for this is simply because no one ever willing to acknowledge the possibility that there are gay idols. Male idols would easily be able to do things that are generally thought of to be gay w/o an issue because everyone will write it off as skinship, aegyo, a company created ship or just being an idol. Kaisoo is a perfect example of this—even with years of rumors, ‘incriminating’ photos and very obvious demeanor everyone still is convinced they are both just friends. Ji and ks have had more matching outfits than ji has with any woman, but it’s only a sign of dating when it’s with a woman. Seh*n is another example, the boy straight up said he likes men at a concert and everyone forgot about it and went on about their day. On one hand, in a way this oblivious attitude helps to ironically keep them protected I suppose. But the flip side is that the heteronormativity of it stays exactly that—the norm.

I can’t really say for sure if this has anything to do with kaisoo this time (again I’m thinking it’s to protect Jn). I guess I’m just more annoyed that if this is indeed some sort of media play, once again it’s ji who has to succumb to the image he was given, one that clearly doesn’t seem to 100% match who he is.

#I hope i made myself clear enough with this one #I wrote this last night and had a bit of alcohol in me while i was writing it lol #so I wanted to wait and post it today when I had more clarity lmao 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️#anyhoo these are just my thoughts and observations #I feel like I made everything clear but if yall need clarifications on anything dont hesitate to shoot me an ask!#I dont want any misunderstandings💖#beri talks #kaisoo theory #maybe? lol #beri theories #kaisoo #kadi #dika

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