#mourning the loss of you’re right lupin he looks just like james | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fruitcoops · 3 years

Note

Hi, I love your blog so much! I recently got ankle lateral ligament reconstruction done, and as an athlete, it sucks so bad. I watched my basketball team play yesterday, and it felt really horrible to watch them lose by one point in overtime when I know I would have made a difference if I were on the court... I know you have lots of asks and prompts, but if you have the time and want to, could you possibly hurt me more than I’m already hurting with some angsty ankle injury stuff😩 like maybe Cap watching the Lions lose without him.

Thank you for all the awesome fics you write! Your blog is amazing!

Anon, this ask really struck a chord with me and I wanted to do it justice as best I could--going through a sports injury like that is the worst feeling in the world, and watching your teammates play without you just adds salt to the wound. Sending all the love and healing vibes your way, okay? Please keep me updated on how you're feeling if you feel comfortable <3

Combined with an ask for pre-Coops and Sirius' photo of Remus! SW credit goes to @lumosinlove

TW for canonical injury and mentioned scars (Remus)

Sirius felt a nudge at his arm and his irritation flared, but he did not take his eyes off the game. “Fucking hell,” he muttered as James missed yet another blatant pass. There’s three.

The next nudge was more insistent.

“What?” he snapped, sparing half a glance to his left and feeling his stomach swoop.

Remus raised his eyebrows and held the mouthguard out further. “Either put this in or unclench your jaw.”

You’re not my mother, Sirius almost snarked back, just to be even more of an asshole. He was cold from being at the rink without his gear, severely pissed off by the general bullshit happening on the ice, and the itch in the boot locked around his stupid fucked-up ankle was slowly driving him mad.

Remus offered the mouthguard again, and Sirius’ temper cooled by a few degrees at the soft encouragement on his face. Pretty, his brain supplied. He swallowed hard around his sudden dry mouth and shoved the plastic between his teeth, beating back the unruly emotions with a mental baseball bat. Nope. Not tonight. Focus on being angry.

Logan got distracted, and Finn paid the price as an enforcer slammed him against the boards; he bounced back immediately, but Sirius ground the mouthguard so hard it squeaked. “Tabarnak—”

“Come with me for a sec,” Remus said, raising his voice just enough to be heard over the angry shouts of Lions fans.

Sirius shook his head. What he wouldn’t give to be in the heart of the fight, letting off some of the steam that had been building with no outlet for weeks. “Game’s not over.”

Remus pressed his lips together, but said nothing; Sirius’ throat constricted as he looked at the scoreboard. There may have been three full minutes left on the clock, but the Lions had already lost—unless they pulled a miracle out of their asses, this game would be a stain on their record. Or if they just let me play.

Sirius sighed through his nose. The urge had been growing stronger the longer he stayed cooped up and restless, banging at the walls of his brain and bringing headache after headache.

“Cap.” The hand on the back of his bicep was surprisingly gentle and he closed his eyes as Remus gave him a light tug. “Come on. We can at least be productive instead of sitting here and stewing.”

He smells nice. How does he always smell so nice? Sirius stood and followed Remus down the tunnel, not even bothering to force smiles for the people pounding on the glass partitions. Don’t focus on the game.

Focus on his shoulders, something close to his heart suggested. You like his shoulders.

He scrunched his nose up at the thought—if he dwelled on the smooth, strong curve of Remus’ upper back for any longer, he would start remembering the one time he saw them bare, covered in sweat with scars that shone like moonlight and—

“Are you okay?” Remus asked, snapping him back to reality. Sirius jumped and concern flickered over the golden planes of his face. “You’re twitchy tonight.”

“Just…” He made a vague, aborted motion toward the ice before continuing toward the PT room, though he did not miss the worried look Remus shot him. Fantastic, now I look like a dick and an idiot.

“What’s going on, Sirius?” The door clicked closed behind them and Remus leaned against it with his arms crossed loosely as Sirius limped over to the table and sat down, pulling the mouthguard out. He stared at the floor and the hunk of plastic—don’t think about how nice his voice sounds around your name. Don’t.

He shook his head; through the door, the sounds of the game were faint. “They’re better than this.”

“Yep.”

“They’re all going to be angry tomorrow, which makes them sloppy.”

“Probably.”

“Coach will be upset.”

“No question.”

“It’s the Badgers.”

Remus made a face. “I know, right?”

“They’re a good team, but—” He tightened his jaw again and looked away.

“But we’re better,” Remus finished for him.

“Yeah.” Silence fell between them for a few moments, though it wasn’t uncomfortable. Being quiet around Remus was never uncomfortable, and Sirius was pathetically grateful for every scrap of it he could get. “I—the game would be different if I was out there.”

“Would it?”

“It would.” He had been going over every mistake for two and a half hours, placing himself in like a chess piece to stop the missed passes, fumbled pucks, and thoughtless plays. “They need me with them.”

The paper crinkled as Remus sat down next to him, and every one of Sirius’ senses went on high alert. “They need to you get better,” he said simply, those caramel-apple eyes making Sirius’ knees go weak. “Have you been doing your exercises?”

“Of course,” he scoffed.

“Good.” There was no defensiveness or indignation in Remus’ voice—guilt snapped, a firecracker behind his teeth.

“Sorry.”

Remus smiled wryly. “When you’re around injured hockey players all day long, you get used to a little bit of bitchiness.”

“I’m not bitchy!” Sirius spluttered. The poorly-concealed amusement on Remus’ face made mortification heat his cheeks. “I’m not!”

“Uh-huh.” The note of smug disbelief should not have been as attractive as it was. “Alright, lay down.”

Sirius swore he heard a few crackling noises as his brain short-circuited. “Quoi?”

“I’m not kneeling on freezing linoleum to check out your ankle, Cinderella,” Remus snorted. “Now get a wiggle on.”

“You have the strangest sayings,” he said as he laid back and stretched his leg out, bewildered and yet somehow relieved.

“And you—” Remus pulled the top buckle free. “—have no appreciation for the great American north.”

“I can take it off,” Sirius mumbled, feeling redness rise once again.

He cocked an eyebrow. “The boot? I might not be a muscle-bound athlete, but I’m pretty sure I can manage a couple strips of Velcro.”

“No, it’s—doesn’t touching people’s feet freak you out? Like, the sweat and everything?”

“If it did, I’d have to find another profession, because I’m damp all the time from you fuckers and you all seem to have a habit of breaking things below the knee. Bend.”

Sirius complied, drawing his knee toward his chest. His bare foot looked weird in the bright lights, pale and still swollen, but Remus was as golden as ever. You can watch from afar, he conceded when the cute little furrow appeared on Remus’ forehead while he felt around the bone. Just for a little while. “Your hands are warm,” he said before he could stop himself.

Remus glanced up, and his small smile caused a flood of butterflies in Sirius’ stomach. “Thanks. They’re usually pretty cold, so I’m glad I’m not accidentally giving you foot hypothermia.”

“Is that real?”

“No,” Remus laughed. Sirius wished he could keep that sound forever. “How’s that feel?”

“Uh, fine.” He blinked a couple times to come back to himself as Remus put light pressure on the sole of his foot. “Still fine.”

“You’re a lot more flexible than before. Things are healing well.”

A loud buzzer went off outside—Sirius closed his eyes as disappointment and frustration fired up once more. The crowd wasn’t cheering. The windows weren’t shaking. He didn’t even want to look at the TV to check the score. I should be out there, he thought for the umpteenth time. I’m letting them down.

“I’m sorry,” Remus said quietly as he worked through a few more exercises.

“Not your fault.”

“It’s not yours, either.”

Sirius wanted to believe him. “I’m the captain.”

“And you’re being responsible by doing this with me so you can heal faster.” People rushed past the door outside, but the PT room remained peaceful. Sirius stared at the plain ceiling and wished for a miracle. “They miss you.”

“Y’know, that’s not exactly making me feel better.”

“Sorry.” They lapsed back into silence. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Cool.”

Sirius chewed the inside of his lip for a solid two minutes, following Remus’ simple instructions without looking at him. He should have been out there with them, ankle be damned. It was basically healed anyway; they were just tying up loose ends, and maybe Remus needed to be a little less careful. “Is this really necessary?”

“I’m gonna give you five seconds to ask a different question.”

“I’m just saying, it feels fine and—”

“Time’s up.” Remus let go of his foot and Sirius only spared a moment to mourn the loss of his comforting touch before he caught the stormy, mulish stubbornness that took the place of Remus’ concentration. “Sit.”

“I am.”

He narrowed his eyes, and Sirius dragged himself upright with a huff. Arguing with Remus Lupin was about as useful as arguing with a brick wall, and that was coming from someone who won the ‘Most Stubborn’ superlative at their last end-of-year party. “First of all, ankles are annoying and the soft tissue will still be damaged even if the bone is healed. Second, it’s my job to fix you up so your boys stop whining to me about healing you faster. And third, I’m not giving up on you.”

Sirius paused for a long moment. “What?”

“I’m not giving up,” Remus repeated. His jaw set and he made direct eye contact. “I would love nothing more than to kick Snape in the kneecaps and let you go out there as soon as you can stand on your own, but that’s not what I’m here for. I’m here to make sure you’re ready to kick ass and take names no matter what that little shit was trying to do. So don’t you dare sit there and try to chicken out at the finish line, because I know you want this even more than I do.”

In his chest, Sirius heart was hammering like he had just run five miles. I’m not giving up on you. Sirius had never wanted to kiss him more. “Thank you.”

Remus softened with a slow breath. “We’re in this together, Sirius. You and me.”

“I know.”

“Then let’s get to work. Next time you play the Badgers, make ‘em regret this game.”

--------------------------------

Sirius walked back toward the locker room feeling rather nauseous. The whole team leaked their bad moods into the air—Arthur had barely looked at them before sending them home with a quiet “we’ll talk more tomorrow”, the equivalent of an arrow through Sirius’ heart. I need a pick-me-up, he thought as the rest of the guys trooped out in a melancholy raincloud. He fist-bumped each of them, per tradition, but their responses were weak at best.

Ice cream sounded good. Maybe a milkshake. Oh, who was he kidding, he needed a solid hug and something other than ice to look at. Not for the first time, he contemplated getting a dog, just so the house wouldn’t be empty and dark when he returned.

Laughter rang out ahead and Sirius inhaled sharply, letting the sound roll over him. “I’m not kidding!” Moody chuckled.

“Bullshit,” Remus countered, still snickering. “There is no way—”

“I’ve been around here longer than you’ve been alive, kid.”

“Yes, yes, I know,” Remus groaned, though Sirius could hear the smile in his voice even from around the corner. “You only bring it up every goddamn day.”

“Brat.”

Sirius entered the room just in time to see Remus playfully knock the side of his foot against Moody’s; both were grinning. “Isn’t it past your bedtime, old man?”

Moody nodded to him. “Night, twelve.”

“A demain,” Sirius called, offering a slight smile as his eyes lingered on Remus. He was leaning back against the wall with stick tape in his hands—his hands, which never failed to make Sirius throw caution to the wind—and raised it in farewell. “See you, Loops. Thanks again.”

“No problem, Cap.”

He grabbed his duffel off the floor and slid his keys, wallet, and phone into his pockets as Moody and Remus resumed their conversation. He wondered how long they usually stuck around, and if they would oppose him staying—he wouldn’t interrupt, but being around people who weren’t going through the five stages of grief already felt nice.

An idea struck as Remus’ laugh raised goosebumps on his arms once again. With a careful glance over his shoulder, he slipped his phone out and snapped a picture before hurrying off toward his car. His breaths were shallow; that was such a creepy move, and surely one of them noticed—

No voices chased him. Nobody gave him strange looks. He waited until he was safely in the front seat of the car before unlocking his phone, and all the air in his lungs left in a rush.

The photo was perfect. It caught the lopsided tilt to Remus’ mouth, his slender-but-strong fingers, his long legs, the scrunch of his nose mid-laugh. Everything Sirius never let himself look at for long. He didn’t have much space left among the collection of paper memories on his dresser, but maybe if he put it in the back where nobody would see it unless they knew where to look…

He turned the car on. Later. He would print it out and deal with the taut rubber-band-ball of feelings later. Until then, he could settle for the imprint of Remus’ warmth taking away the pain in his ankle and the determination on his face as he promised to bring Sirius back from the personal hell he was living in. You and me, he had said, and Sirius wanted nothing more than to believe it.

#fanfic #my fic #sirius black #remus lupin #alastor moody #james potter #logan tremblay #finn o'hara #sweater weather #coops #injury #pre-coops #lumosinlove

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evywrites · 4 years

Text

The War pt. 2 [remus lupin x gender neutral!reader]

summary: The battle ensues, lives are lost. Live of which you were close to, some you were not. You could at least be thankful that the one person you needed had survived. At least, for now. The future is becomes quickly uncertain. warnings: minor character death and a brief injury. It’s nondescript, but still mentioned. word count: 2k a/n: So sorry for the delay! Life has been kicking me down extremely hard. I should be able to update hopefully more frequently now though. part 1

The battle erupted, chaos and mayhem everywhere, invading Death Eaters destroying everything you held dear to you. People on both sides fell, unable to be identified in fear that you would soon join them if your focus strayed too far.

Your eyes squinted in focus, shooting spells, deflecting attacks. You worked with the people around you, lending help whenever you could. It didn't matter if you knew them or not, you helped them out, they helped you out.

You stood back to back with a kind looking girl. She couldn't have looked a day older than 16, yet she was still fighting a war. That knowledge spurred you on tonight as hard as you could, despite the fatigue that you felt creeping up on you.

Although, you couldn't help but wondering about if Remus was okay. You knew he was a tough cookie, that he could survive practically anything, but that didn't stop you. You both had lost many people close to you from the first war. You didn't want this one to be a repeat. You had to protect the people you loved.

As your thoughts strayed from the task at hand, you spaced out a little, letting your guard down. A sharp pain ran through your side, toppling you over. Hissing in pain, you squeezed your eyes shut. Your hand grasped the wound as the chaos continued around you. You couldn't do anything except sit there and blackout as the attack continued.

The girl next to you kept shooting you worried glances as the battle went on. She felt the weight of not having another person helping crushing down on her shoulders. She didn't let that deter her, however. Her face twisted with intensity as she sought to take down every last Death Eater near you.

The Death Eaters were no match for her as they swiftly fell or ran. Soon enough, they were all gone, and there was a fleeting moment of peace.

"Is there a healer anywhere? Please!" She shouted desperately, scanning the area. She let out a sigh of relief as she spotted a healer running around the corner with clear signs of exhaustion.

"I got it, you go help others." He stated, kneeling beside you. You felt the song of sleep calling you, beckoning you towards it. The pain in your side subsiding gradually. She nodded before standing up, giving you one last reluctant look before running off.

The healer cast a spell on you, and the pain quickly subsided. Your vision cleared as you lifted your head, thanking the healer.

"The spell wasn't severe, no need to thank me. Be safe out there, okay?" He patted you on the back, quickly standing up and heading off again to check for more injured people.

You stood up, still mildly dazed from remnants of the pain from a few moments ago. You knew you had to keep going, though. For Remus, for James and Lily.

You shook your head and ran off to help the others. You could only pray that this would end soon.

Remus deeply breathed as he took out Death Eaters one by one. He stood alone but kept a close eye on those around him. The incoming Death Eaters seemed unending. He moved with precision, taking out Death Eaters swiftly.

Despite the calm, collected look on the outside, his inner thoughts scrambled about. He incessantly worried about you, despite the task at hand. He should've gone with you, he should've. He'd be doing so much better if he was with you, by his side. Like always.

Eventually, he couldn't take it anymore. His eyes quickly darting around him, he assessed the current situation. It seemed manageable by the people there. He shot one last spell at the Death Eater, toppling them over.

He clutched his wand tightly, running off to find you. He knew it was stupid, but he wasn't going to let you go that easily. James died while he wasn't there, Sirius got jailed without him there, he wasn't going to let you be next. You two still had so much ahead of you.

He wasn't going to accept a world without you in it.

He ran around the chaos of the castle aimlessly, eyes constantly scanning for any sight of you. He didn't have time to think about how sadly the castle looked at the moment, he only cared about you. He shot the occasional spell at an unsuspecting Death Eater as he went, but that wasn't his priority.

After a few minutes of running, he started to slightly back down on his idea. How was he going to find you in all this mess? The castle was so big, there was little to no chance of finding you.

Until by miracle, he found you. He instantly ran up to you, seeing you look a bit dazed, getting approached by Death Eaters. He silently shot spells at them, distracting them. You took advantage of the destruction and took the Death Eaters out. You lifted your eyes to meet Remus' with a relieved, yet worried look.

"Remus, oh Merlin." You grasped his face in your palms, taking a moment for yourselves. Your surroundings seemed calm for the time being. "How did you find me? Shouldn't you be helping others? We went entirely separate ways."

He lifted his hand to cup yours on his cheek, staring into your eyes. "I couldn't let you be alone, I thought I could do it, but my thoughts drifted too much."

"You idiot." You leaped forth and captured him in a tight embrace, burying your face in his neck. "You shouldn't have." You two stood there for a moment before letting go. You wished you could've stayed there, but you knew you had a battle to fight.

You defended Hogwarts together, feeling as motivated as ever. You both knew that each other were safe, and that allowed you to focus on keeping as many of the others safe as possible.

However, at some point, it just felt useless. The battle wasn't stopping. It seemed like you were just fighting a losing battle. Even you and Remus were worn down by it, but that didn't stop you. You were stubborn and would not be giving up.

A voice reverberated around the castle, startling both you and Remus. You jumped back, clutching at your wands.

"You have fought valiantly." The voice dominantly silenced all movement around the castle. There was no movement, only frozen bodies, frozen people, listening inescapably to the voice. The voice which belonged to Voldemort.

"Yet, you have lost many. If you continue to resist me, you will all die. I do not wish for that to happen, for it'd be truly tragic. I command my forces to retreat immediately." Instantaneously, the Death Eaters disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving behind the death and destruction.

"I will give you one hour. Dispose of your dead with dignity, treat your injured." Your mouth slightly gapes open in disbelief, not comprehending what you were hearing.

"I speak directly to you now, Harry Potter. You have let your friends die for you rather than face me yourself. I shall wait for one hour in the Forbidden Forest. If at the end of the hour, you have not come to me, then the battle recommences. This time, I will enter the battle myself, and I will not be merciful. I shall find you, and punish every last man, woman, and child who has tried to conceal you from me." Remus' hand subtly rested on your shoulder protectively, "One hour, one hour."

An overwhelming silence took over the castle, leaving behind only the sound of crackling fire and the murmurs of those around you. The atmosphere shifted. It seemed peaceful, yet it wasn't right. Nothing seemed right, Harry was just given an ultimatum. Thoughts swirled frantically around in your head, bubbling you up with worry over Harry.

Remus pulled you back into his chest, giving you a tight hug. Tears fell from his eyes as he wept, out of relief or grid, he didn't know. Neither of you two knew the full extent of the damage done yet, but you had each other, and you were so grateful.

"You're okay, you're really okay. We're okay. We'll be okay." Remus wept, still holding onto you tightly.

"We will." You whispered, clutching onto him. Neither of you wanted to go and assess the damage done, but you knew it had to be done.

You reluctantly trudged off in the direction of the Great Hall where everyone was gathered. You gathered your hand in Remus', tightly squeezing. Were you prepared for what you were about to find out? No.

You entered the Great Hall to find what seemed like millions of bodies scattered throughout. The sound of sobbing echoed ominously throughout, reeking of doom and despair. You shook your head, burying it into Remus' arm. A few tears leaked out of your eyes. You hadn't even seen the worst of it yet.

Remus' eyes scanned across the Great Hall, looking for anyone familiar.

Unfortunately, he did.

The next moments felt like a blur, unreal. So much death, so much loss. Fred, Tonks. It wasn't fair. None of this was. The tears blurred your vision, your reality slipped away as the crushing actuality of all the lost people crushed down on you. You clung to Remus for support, tears streaming freely down your face. You hadn't experienced loss like this since the first war.

You sat for the hour with everyone, mourning the losses. You could only hope that Harry would be okay, the last remnants of James and Lily. You didn't know what you'd do if you'd lost another Potter to Voldemort. You swore you'd protect Harry, but here you were, being physically with him yet feeling unable to protect him. You knew that you were no match for Voldemort, and felt powerless.

"Harry?" You called his name softly, catching his attention.

"Yeah?"

"Be careful, Harry. I love you. Remus and I love you. I wish I could've protected you more or done something more." You shook your head, looking down.

"You've done fine, don't worry. This isn't your fault, this is Voldemort's fault." Harry replied, nervously smiling at you. Remus joined in, standing next to you and putting his hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Harry, I'm so proud of what you've accomplished. You're an amazing wizard and have gone through so much. James and Lily would be proud."

"Thanks, Remus." His voice falters, attention focusing down at the ground. You saw his mind clearly racing, and your heartbeat quickened. You knew that he was tough, that he's survived many things, but you couldn't help it. You couldn't help but to just want to take him away to a place where he could enjoy life without the danger, without the stress.

But here you were, in the middle of a battle against Voldemort where Harry had been given an ultimatum.

"I have to do it. I'm going to face Voldemort and show him that I'm not a coward. I can't let all of you suffer more because of me." Your face fell, quickly being overtaken by panic.

"Harry, no. I'm sure there's a better way we can go about this I-" He cut you off.

"No, there isn't. No one else is going to die because of me, no one." He stood up, swiftly glancing around before determinedly walking off. Tears formed in your eyes, threatening to spill. Remus wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace.

"We'll be okay, eventually, my love. Don't worry." Remus whispered in your ear, pressing a ight kiss against your earlobe.

Leaning back into his chest, you nodded subtly. You hoped so.

part 3 will happen !

#remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #marauders #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #remus lupin fanfiction #angst #fanfiction #hp

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ardentmuse · 5 years

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Hi, Lovely! May I request #41 with a Mr. Remus Lupin, please? Low-key feel like he's a Chidi.

Tiny Miracles

Harry Potter (Marauders Era) - Remus Lupin x fem!Reader

41. What’s the secret? Is the secret more books? How many more books do I need?

Wordcount: 1.6k

Warnings: talk of death, talk of pregnancy, angst, lots of angst, but comfort too, also AU where James and Lily live and Sirius doesn’t go to prison. Post first war

Masterlist

A/N: Remus is totally a Chidi! And while this quote is fun and light, my brain went a little heavier with it. I love this turned out and I hope you do too.

Remus searched the indexes of each book piled before him, basically every one on his condition that this and a few neighboring libraries had, desperate for a sentence that might guide him just a little. A few times, he was able to flip to a chapter or passage, but even then, the words that popped out to him proved useless:

No known cases…

Blood and saliva…

Lycanthropy…

Lupine wolf cubs…

Kill mother from the inside…

Remus slammed closed the book and pressed his palms into his eyes to hold down the tears. He hadn’t slept in nearly 30 hours. His head was pounding with hunger and dehydration and, more than anything, fear. The pile of books around him was nearly obscuring his vision but there had to be an answer somewhere.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He was infertile, or at least that was what the doctors at St. Mungo’s had told him parents when he was five.

“Werewolves are incapable of procreating with uninfected humans,” they had said. “And mating together can only happen during the full moon and will produce wolves, not humans.”

His mother had cried a lot, he remembered, mourning the loss of her future grandchildren since she was no longer capable of having more babies of her own. Remus remembered those muffled cries a little too well. He had mourned too for the life he couldn’t provide his parents and the life he couldn’t provide himself. But over time, he had grown to accept it. To be willing to watch Harry and whatever other little ones his friends would have grow would be enough for him.

But then you came into his life, his perfect angel of care and kindness and silliness and he mourned all over again. He knew it was selfish to date you. You deserved a home full of mini ones with your eyes and your smile, so much joy surrounding you all. You would be a fabulous mother — of that he had no doubt — but you chose him and everything that entailed, empty nest and all.

He never in a million years anticipated this.

Maybe that time he bit you by accident during sex and you suddenly could smell very clearly had made your womb open to his seed. Maybe when your patrons changed, you grew a little more wolfish as a result. Or maybe werewolves can only mate when they find true love.

Whatever it was, the answer had to be in a book somewhere.

A soft knock on the top of his book fort woke him from his tearful daze.

“Hey, Remy,” Lily said, “How you doin’ in there?”

Remus looked up to meet her face. Lily’s cheeks were full and flush, her hands gently supporting the large swell of her belly, carrying the second child to join the Potter clan. The war had ended less than a year ago and Lily and James immediately decided to continue their family. “No more death, only life,” they had said. This one was a girl to join little Harry, one they had agreed to name Alice in honor of Longbottoms whose untimely end had left a baby alone in the world but also stopped Voldemort for good. Lily and James knew too well how, if they had had less loyal friends, it could have been Harry orphaned and alone.

“I feel like death.”

Lily laughed, “And you look like it, too,” before taking a seat beside him a pushing the books far out of reach.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen, Lil. In fact, it has never happened in known medical history if these books are to be believed.”

“Miracles happen every day, Remus. Shouldn’t this baby be something we celebrate?”

Lily reached out to grab Remus’s hand but he jerked it away. He pulled himself to standing on his wobbly, sleep-deprived feet.

“No, we shouldn’t!” Remus shouted, “And that thing inside my wife is not a baby. If it is anything like me, it is a cold-blooded killed controlled only by the waning of the moon and its desire for flesh. And it lives inside my wife, just waiting to grow enough strength to murder her!”

Lily persisted despite Remus’s ranting, grabbing him by the shoulders and leading him back to his chair. Remus was tired and his breathing swallow. He followed her guided movements with ease. Soon, Lilly was kneeling before Remus, her belly brushing against his knees.

“Or inside your wife resides a beautiful, precious little baby, just waiting to grow so she can meet her daddy, drink some milk, learn some magic and make all of our lives better just by being here. If that baby is anything like you, it is kind, smart, sharp and human.”

Remus was crying again, and his palms couldn’t hold back the flood gates this time.

“I’m just so scared, Lil.”

“And what do you think Y/N is feeling? You left her all alone these past two days. She told you something very scary, something about which she needs you both to be brave, and you ran away.”

The soft circles Lily was drawing into his knee were juxtaposed to the harsh way those last three words spit from her mouth. Lilly wasn’t here to comfort him, he now understood. Lily was here to force him to toughen up for your sake. Lily’d probably spent the past two days listening to you cry about how your husband left you pregnant and alone and Lily simply couldn’t take it anymore.

He felt like utter shit just picturing it.

“What do I do, Lily? What’s the secret?… Is the secret more books? How many more books do I need?”

Lily pushed away the few books that were still in Remus’s reach.

“No more books. There isn’t a book to learn how to talk to your wife,” Lily’s voice was heavy but then she laughed. “But if you find one, send it to James, yeah? Boy’s an idiot.”

Remus laughed a little, too, and with it, Remus looked up from his hovel for the first time since Lily arrived. James, Sirius, and Harry were standing in the alcove leading to the stacks, giving Lily space to talk to you but providing support regardless. Harry was holding a stuffed niffler and bounding it off the archway.

“Think he heard you,” Remus said.

“Twas the intention.” Lily smiled at Remus and with it he felt some life returning to his limbs. Though, seeing Lily like this, full and jovial with her rounded belly, made him miss you all the more. He wondered if you’d look as striking and radiant as Lily seemed to during her pregnancies, just beauty and grace flowing from her. He ventured you’d be even more so. You were far more striking already in his eyes. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t ever imagined such a thing.

“She could die,” Remus whispered like a secret, as if saying it out loud made it real.

Lily’s eyes had drifted to the place where her family resided just a ways off. At Remus’s words, her gaze snapped back and she frowned deeply.

“You’re right, she could,” Lily said, not trying to soften the blow, “But so could I. All women put their lives on the line to bring life into this world. That’s our burden. But we’ll get the best healers and we’ll keep her on bedrest as needed and we’ll make sure there is a lot of red meat in her diet just in case.”

Remus nodded, not because he felt any better, but because he knew there was nothing else to do. You had already said you were keeping the baby, the miracle life inside you, and you weren’t willing to hear arguments against it. You had spoken with the healers and while no one knew for sure what was going to happen, they knew you and baby were currently in good health.

You definitely were being much braver than he was. He felt like he should give back his house robes.

“I just love her so much,” Remus said into his hands.

“I love you, too.”

Remus’s eyes popped up again and behind Lily you stood. You were bundled up in your robes, the weather growing chillier with each day, and while Remus couldn’t see the tiny protrusion of your uterus that had just started pushing past your hip bones, the knowledge that it was there made him burn with protective love for you.

His gaze continued up to your face. Your eyes were puffy with crying, their rims red and angry. Your hair could use some attention and your smile wasn’t reaching the corners of your mouth.

Immediately, Remus stood and ran to you. His arms crashed around you as his lips showered your cheeks with kisses.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered into your ear as he held you close, squeezing as hard as he dared given your state.

“I understand,” you whispered to him, “I can’t imagine how scary this is for you.”

Remus grabbed your shoulders and pulled away to see your face. You were smiling at him somehow. Somehow, you were seeing his pain beyond all your own.

“Our baby needs a father who’ll be strong for him. The world is a cruel, cold place for their kind and I promise you I’m ready to step up. I love you.”

Your gaze stayed trained on his face as your eyebrows scrunched in what Remus thought was fear.

“Their kind?” you asked.

“Babies,” Remus assured you. “It’s a difficult world for babies.”

You laughed and Remus did too. And as he straightened his back and pulled you tight to his chest, Remus felt like himself for the first time since you had shared the news. Only now, he felt like one thing more — a father.

All tags: @fangirlandnerd, @aerdnandreaa, @thisisbullshytt, @cancerousjojian, @whovianayesha, @themarauderstheoutsidersandpeggy, @luna-xxxxx, @sleepylunarwolf, @starryrevelations, @potter-thinking, @all-by-myself98, @bananafosters-and-books, @cutie-bug, @igotmadskills, @hazelandcoconuts, @yallgotkik

Harry Potter tags: @tessimagines, @0-lost-in-stereo-0, @whysoseriouspadfoot, @eldritchscreech, @luckyvirgo, @hellizhelusive2, @lexrius, @sapphireorchid

#harry potter #harry potter imagine #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #remus x reader #hp #hp imagine #harry potter imagines #hp imagines #remus #marauders era #marauders imagine #justducky0423 #lia talks #ardentmuse almost 2k celebration

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stargirlrchive · 5 years

Text

From the Grave - Sirius Black

masterlist ; request open

disclaimer: angst, mentions of death/murder, gif isn’t mine

notes: i have not written anything in so long, 6 freaking months and i am so proud of this. i hope you all enjoy this <3

recommended: From the Grave by James Arthur

word count: 2327

You were sat quietly with Remus at your side as Dumbledore paced around his study, keeping you both in the dark and not giving you a chance to ask questions. You were quickly becoming irritated at his lack of words because of the fact that he owled you and asked you to come into Hogwarts immediately because there was important matters to be discussed.

You weren’t oblivious to the rumors circulating the Wizarding world, and you silently wished they were true, “Is it true? What people are whispering about?”

Remus stilled in his seat and Dumbledore haltered his steps, taking a few moments to calculate his thoughts before speaking. “It is, Sirius is no longer held in Azkaban, he escaped some months ago.”

The words died in your throat but Remus piped in rather quickly, “Months ago? Why are they just now telling you?”

Dumbledore chuckled lightly and finally sat himself in his seat across the two of you, “I was informed the minute they knew, Remus. The reason I am letting the two of you know is because people are also beginning to think that he is coming after Harry.”

There was a sharp pain that flittered through your chest as they spoke of him as a criminal, “He isn’t a criminal, and he would never hurt Harry.”

“He was our best friend and he did what he did to James and Lily. I know you loved him but he wasn’t who we thought.”

You could feel the anger bubbling up inside of you as Remus easily talked about his distrust to his former best friend. The words left your lips practically in a growl, “How many times do I have to tell you he wasn’t the bloody secret keeper, Lupin? He had given the task to Peter! He knew that if Voldemort were to come look for them he’d be the first one to go after. Peter was the one to betray the Potter’s and you’ve spent all these year wronging an innocent man.”

The room grew silent and your chest felt as if it was being pushed down and you were finding it quite hard not to start crying. You missed how things used to be, how things were before you had all left Hogwarts. Dumbledore clearly sensing the tension elevating quickly in the room spoke up, “Even if he is an innocent man he now looks guilty for fleeing.”

You slumped in your seat and tried drowning out the conversation but you couldn’t, not when it was something as important as this. “Remus, I am offering you a position here to keep a better eye on the boy.”

“I do not know if it would be safe for me to be here-to be around the students.”

“We had accommodations for you when you attended here, I am sure they will fit just as well now.”

“What will I be doing?”

Dumbledore cleared his throat before speaking, “Just keep an eye out for Mr. Black, any information must be brought back to me.”

You remained quiet as you contemplated what he wanted, “You want me to turn him in if he finds me?”

“If you wish to prove his innocence he must stand before the Wizengamot, we can not give him a trial if he is not here.”

You eyed him and wrung your hands nervously, “How do I know he will not be thrown back in there? Like the first time, without a trail, with no one listening to him. How do I know this won’t be any different?”

“You have my word.”

Dumbledore’s words weighed heavily on your mind and after a few moments you had come to the conclusion that you believed what he was telling you, that you could trust him. “Fine, if I hear anything, if I see him, I will inform you.”

You were pulling him back as the tears threatened to spill from your eyes, barely keeping the sobs as he kept trying to leave. “Sirius, just stay home! There’s nothing you can do about it and it isn’t safe for you to leave!”

He was sobbing angrily and shakes were running all through his body, “I should’ve just stayed their secret keeper! This wouldn’t have happened because I would’ve died before I let him find them!”

You were holding him close to you as he fought against you and you both cried, mourned the loss of your closest friends. After awhile he stopped fighting and his knees gave in, both of you falling onto the floor and holding onto each other, “I have to go after him, I have to bring Harry home.”

“It isn’t safe, I can’t lose you too.”

A quite whimper left his lips but he stood up, walking quickly towards the door, “I’ll be back, I can’t have him out there, knowing he is the reason my best friends are dead.”

You could see the anger growing inside of him again and before you could say anything else, he was gone.

You woke up quickly, gasping for air and trying the calm your rapidly beating heart. It had been over twelve years since your last night with Sirius and it still haunted you. Your hand reached out for the cup of water you normally had on your nightstand but sighed quietly when you weren’t met with anything.

You got out of bed and sluggishly made your way towards your kitchen, stilling when a black figure ran through your kitchen and out to your living room. The panic began to settle into you as you searched for your wand and couldn’t find it.

You grabbed the closest thing to you, which was a cutting board, and quickly tried making your way back to the stairs to run back to your bedroom.

There was a low growl, which was quickly followed by a whimper, your whole body stilled and the cutting board fell from your fingertips, “Padfoot? Sirius is that you!”

Your legs quickly carried you towards your living room and you were met with a large black dog with glowing grey eyes. Another whimper left his mouth and he made his way towards you, his face rubbing against your legs. The tears rapidly fell from your eyes and he whimpered louder.

You could see Sirius transforming in front of you, and your knees gave in on you and you engulfed him in a hug, his arms quickly wrapping around you as well. He still felt so familiar and both of you couldn’t seem to be close enough as you clung onto each other.

“I’ve missed you.”

His voice was strained and horse but he was there, right in front of you after all these years, “I’ve missed you too, Pads. You have no idea.”

Your body was shaking and you pressed your lips to his temple, running your fingers through his long hair and slowly trying to untangle the knots as he nuzzled closer to you. “I’m tired.”

You laughed quietly and pulled him up with you, “You need to shower first, then we can get you into bed, yeah?”

He weakly nodded and let you pull him up the stairs, turning the water on and letting the tub fill. Your eyes stayed on his figure as he let his clothes fall, his eyes closed as he sleepily sunk himself into the tub. A very content smile on his face as the warm water engulfed his body. “Come in with me.”

Your cheeks burned deeply but quickly undressed and sat in the tub with him, moving closer and cupping water in your hands to pour over his head, helping him wash his hair thoroughly.

His head fell onto your shoulder just as you finished helping him clean up, “Lets get you to bed.”

He waited for you to get out and wrap a towel around yourself before he got up and did the same to himself. You slipped on the clothes you had on before you went to bed and left to your bedroom to find him something to change into. When you entered the bathroom he was trying not to fall asleep as he waited for you, “Change into these, Pads.”

He moved quickly and as he was walking out to the bedroom he grabbed your hand and pulled you along with him, laying on the bed and groaning quietly. “I don’t remember the last time I slept on a bed.”

You could feel a frown settling onto your face as you laid with him, pulling him towards you so his head was resting on your chest. Your fingers rubbed his scalp and his voice began to slur as he began to feel asleep, “We’re never getting up from here.”

For those few minutes before you fell asleep you let yourself believe that it was true, that the two of you were going to be able to stay in bed and in the comfort of each other forever.

You woke up to someone’s head tucked into your neck and you had to blink a few times before all of the memories from last night flooded into your mind. A smile made its way onto your lips and you pushed his long hair from his face, letting your finger trace over the tiny scars that littered his face and admiring his long dark lashes.

Just as your eyes closed again there was a knock from your front door and you stilled. Quickly moving from Sirius’ grasp and fixing the blankets so they looked bunched up and hid him from immediate view. You quickly walked down and opened the door to find Remus staring at you sheepishly.

It had been months since you had last seen him, not since the two of you were in Dumbledore’s office. The two of you had too much tension built up between the two of you after that and just stayed away. “Rem-hi, what are you doing here?”

He blew a raspberry and shuffled on his feet, “I’ve been meaning to come and see you, you’re the last one I have, my last form of family and I just miss you.”

You pulled him into a hug and nodded, “I’ve missed you too Remus, come in.”

As he made his way towards your couch you hoped for Sirius to remain asleep, but as soon as the two of you got comfortable there was continuous movement that were obviously footsteps heard above the two of you. “Is someone here?”

“Yeah, um-I’m just letting a friend stay over for a few days while he gets something’s sorted.”

He gave you a swift nod and smiled as he played with the throw pillows on your couch, “Do you really think he’s innocent?”

You could hear Sirius moving towards the stairs before his steps faltered and they quieted down, “I do, I know he is Remus. He wasn’t the secret keeper, but I know he’s regretted everyday not being it. He thought they would be safer, Peter was our friend, his brother.”

“I believe you, I mean I believe he didn’t do it. I think I just decided to blame him because I felt bad for even doubting him and it was just easier. The only thing I can’t excuse was Peters death, he betrayed them, but Sirius murdered all those muggles and all he left was Wormtail’s finger.”

The last words came out as a whisper and you stilled, his quite footsteps were heard slowly down the stairs, “I don’t have an explanation for that, I just know he didn’t do it, he doesn’t have it in him.”

“You still speak about him as if he were around.”

“Well he never really left, not for me.”

As you finished speaking, Sirius walked into the living room, his long hair neatly placed in a bun and wearing his old clothes that looked odd on his body. Remus stood up quickly and you were scared at both of their reactions but before you could stand up they were both embracing each other, smiling and both trying their best not to cry. Once the two of them pulled away there were permanent smiles on all three of your faces. “How-when did you get back, Pads?”

Sirius’ sat besides you and took your hand in his, “Last night. I had been circling the neighborhood for a few weeks but I was too scared to come in.”

His thumb rubbed the back of your hand and as much as things felt right, you could tell he had changed quite a lot. His eyes never met yours, his voice was low and timid, he was afraid.

“I hate to burst this bubble, but we need to get Dumbledore here.”

And Remus’ words did burst the bubble the three of you were in, shattering it like glass and you could feel the tension growing inside of you just like you could see it in Sirius. “He promised to help you, to form a proper case for you this time.”

You could see the fear in his eyes as they formed into tears, not trusting the words that left your lips. “He gave me his word.”

His eyes locked on yours and a few stray tears left his eyes but he rubbed them away quickly, “I didn’t kill them, all those muggles or Peter. He killed them and disappeared and before I knew it I was surrounded by Auror’s with a wand pointed at everyone who was on the floor.”

The tension was felt all throughout the room before he cleared his throat, “I don’t want to go back, but if you trust him, the both of you, to help me then let him know I’m here.”

“I do, Pads. He’ll help you.”

He gave you a small smile and pressed his forehead to yours, “I’m not leaving you again.”

You pressed your lips to his cheek and rubbed the tear stains that were left on them, “Never.”

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#Sirius Black #sirius black x reader #Harry Potter #harry potter imagine #sirius black headcanon #sirius black prefrence #x reader #character x reader #hogwarts #marauders #marauders era #my writing

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potterandpreferences · 5 years

Note

Hi again 🙈 if your accepting request I was wondering if you could do a readerxremus lupin with prompt 26. Where reader and Remus dated before in hogwarts but after graduation split up due to remus not wanting to get them involved with the wizarding war. Year or two later before James and Lilly death meet again at a bookstore? Love your work!😆❤️

Prompt List

A/N Sorry about the wait for this. Got it done in the end 🙈 I hope you like it, lovely!

26. My heart is racing

You sighed softly as you stared at the books in Waterstones. You weren't quite sure what you wanted to buy, but Merlin only knew how much you needed a good story to distract you from the horrors of the wizarding world.

Thanks to a grandma being a witch, you were technically classed as a half-blood. It was a minor saving grace given the purge against muggleborns. It was a safety net you had to cling to inbetween setting up safe houses for your muggle relatives just in case the tides turned against you as well. You knew things would have to come to a head sooner or later, but being limited to propaganda in the Daily Prophet and reports of disappearances, there was very little informative news to be had. In the meanwhile, you lived in fear that each day would be your last.

A book cover caught your eye in the classics section, and you found yourself pulling Pride and Prejudice down from the shelf. You hadn't actually read it yourself, but you were familiar with the story. Your ex-boyfriend, Remus Lupin, had given it to Lily as a birthday present in sixth year. He'd known she wanted to read it and, having read it himself, felt it would be a rather poignant gift in regards to her attitude towards one Mr James Potter.

You flipped the book over, reading one of Mr Darcy's famous lines that was situated in the middle in place of the blurb. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you. James had ended up quoting that to Lily many times during seventh year, soon stopping after Lily started calling him Mr Collins every time he did so. It was a fond memory for you, even with the pain of missing your school friends.

You had always intended to read the book, but never quite been able bring yourself to do so when Remus suddenly broke up with you at the end of seventh year.

Your eyes filled with tears and your hurriedly blinked them away. It still hurt to think about. You'd had no idea that Remus was planning to end the relationship. You'd been so excited for the end of the year, wanting to introduce him to your family. Those dreams were shattered, and you never knew the real reason as to why he'd done it.

Oh he told you it was because he was a werewolf and it was dangerous and that he'd never be able to support you financially, but you knew they weren't the real reasons. It was probably him being a martyr so he could fight more proactively in the war. He wouldn't be content to live as you did, just trying to carry on with day to day life but always ready to run and hide at a moment's notice.

"Y/N?" It took you a moment to register that you had really heard Remus' voice and that it wasn't just your imagination from the unexpected trip down memory lane. You looked up, finding him standing a few steps away. He didn't look well; his clothes were shabbier than you had ever seen them, there were deep shadows under his eyes, and he was littered with more scars.

"Remus," you whispered breathlessly, clearing your throat as you tried to move past your surprise. "It's good to see you again."

"And you. Are you well?" He asked, stepping closer to you uncertainly, as though he was no longer sure if was welcome in your personal space.

You smiled softly, nervously releasing the book with one hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. "I'm as well as can be expected what with..." You trailed off. He would understand what you meant, and besides that you were in a muggle bookshop and could hardly make reference to a current war in Britain.

Remus nodded awkwardly before catching sight of the book you were holding. He gently took it from your hands, flicking through it with a nostalgic smile in place.

"Do you want to get a drink? There's a café just upstairs. My treat." You hoped he'd agree, and smiled in relief when he caved at the hopeful expression on your face when he finally tore his gaze from the book he now held. You led him to the cafe, where you both ordered cups of tea and you also bought two double chocolate chip muffins to entice him into staying longer.

There was a slightly awkward silence after you'd both gotten comfortable at the table for two you'd selected, neither of you quite knowing what was a safe topic to discuss. That silence broke as you both made a bit more small talk, assured each other that your families were safe and well, and mourned the loss of mutual friends. James and Lily were married now, apparently, and it hurt more than you thought it would to acknowledge that when Remus broke things off with you, you'd stopped hearing from the other marauders and Lily and her friends too. Such a resurgence in pain led to you asking the question that had weighed on your mind for a year.

"Why did you really break up with me, Rem? And please be honest this time," you pleaded, not at all remorseful at the abrupt shift in conversation.

Remus looked like a deer caught in headlights, a resemblance that would have would have made you laugh at any other time but now just brought tears to your eyes. Seeing how upset you were, Remus' expression softened and he took hold of your hands in his.

"I was asked to go undercover with the... the other people that have my condition." He looked around anxiously, making sure no one would overhear this conversation. "I know you think me a man, but I am dangerous, and the others who have nothing left to lose are even more so. I didn't want you to get targeted even more. You're already on this ice as far as You-Know-Who's lot are concerned."

You looked at your hands, fingers firmly wrapped around Remus', and could help but bitterly think that you were right. He was being a martyr, on the front lines while you stayed home like a coward. "I love you, Remus. I wish you'd just told me what was going on."

Remus' breath caught in his throat and he stared at you wide-eyed. "You still love me?"

"Of course I do, you numpty. I'll never stop."

Remus opened and shut his mouth like a fish out of water, looking so completely bewildered and lost that you couldn't stop the watery laugh that escaped. The sounded seemed to change something in Remus, who nodded firmly as if he had made some big decision.

You watched, confused, as he suddenly stood up and moved around the table until he was next to you. His hands cupped either side of your face almost reverently, and before you could question what he was doing, he leant and kissed you soundly.

You were breathless by the time he eventually pulled away, and more than a few people had clearly stopped to watch was going on before carrying on with their lives.

Remus didn't move far away after the kiss ended, simply kneeling on the floor and tilting your head down to keep your foreheads pressed together. "I was an idiot for breaking up with you."

"You were, but you were trying to keep me safe. My idiot," you teased, smiling when he gave you another peck on the lips.

The tables turned when he used his superior hearing to tease you back. "I can hear your heart racing," he smiled smugly, pleased he still had such an impact on you. You shoved his shoulder lightly, an embarrassed flush starting to form even as he laughed and rubbed his nose against yours. "It's okay. My heart is racing too."

You both knew this wasn't an automatic fix. There were still risks to getting back together, but at the end of the day you gave each other a million new reasons to keep fighting, to keep hoping that Voldemort would be defeated soon. In the words of Jane Austen, distance is nothing when one has a motive.

#remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #remus x reader #remus lupin #harry potter imagine #marauder imagine #marauders era

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owlways-and-forever · 6 years

Text

A/N: Welcome to the end of Book 1! I hope you've enjoyed it so far and find this last chapter to be... well, enthralling, heart-wrenching, tear-jerking, etc. You've been a wonderful audience, and I hope to see you all for Book 2, which will be entitled "The Questions in my Heart".

A few quick notes of thanks: first of all, to @mischiefpuff, @indiebluecrown, and @allons-y-to-hogwarts-713 on tumblr, huge thanks for helping me beta this chapter and indulging a little writer's insecurity and uncertainty. Second, thanks to everyone who's read this piece, you are all wonderful people. Finally, thanks to everyone who has left feedback - your positive reviews and words of encouragement have been highly motivational and at times a real blessing. I love you all! See you in the next book!

Read the previous chapters at the links below, on ff.net, or ao3.

Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, Ch 10, Ch 11,Ch 12, Ch 13, Ch 14, Ch 15, Ch 16, Ch 17, Ch 18, Ch 19, Ch 20, Ch 21, Ch 22, Ch 23, Ch 24, Ch 25, Ch 26

Chapter 27: Untimely Demise

The first year students were halfway through their Potions exam when Professor McGonagall entered the Great Hall, and all heads turned toward her. She approached Professor Slughorn and they whispered together, both turning to look in the direction of the four Gryffindor boys. Remus idly wondered whether it was Sirius or James who'd gotten in trouble, or perhaps both. Professor Slughorn nodded, and Professor McGonagall began to walk in their direction, but Remus' attention had already returned to the exam in front of him. He was rather surprised when she came to a stop beside his own desk, staring down at him with a grim expression, and he looked up at her cautiously.

"Mr. Lupin, will you please follow me?" she asked, her voice unusually soft, and his heart began to race.

Remus stood and followed Professor McGonagall as she led him to a small chamber attached to the Great Hall, and as he walked he'd never felt smaller. Everyone's eyes were focused on him as he walked, and he felt about two feet tall. It didn't help that Professor McGonagall seemed to tower over him even more than usual.

"Remus," she said softly once they were alone, pulling off her glasses and rubbing them against her robes, "I'm afraid there's something I must tell you, and it's not good."

Remus swallowed hard, his eyes already filling with tears because it had to be something big, something very very bad, for Professor McGonagall to place her hand on his shoulder the way she had.

"Your sister, Zeva, she became very sick a few days ago, and it seemed as though she would be fine, but I've just had word from your parents…"

Remus didn't really need to hear the rest to know where it was going, but Professor McGonagall continued anyway, speaking the words that felt like they were ripping his insides apart.

"…this morning she took a turn for the worse, and I'm very sorry to say that she – she didn't make it."

She may have continued talking, but Remus couldn't be sure, because all sound seemed to leave his ears at that point as the world tipped and fell out of focus. He thought he might have collapsed because something hard was suddenly beneath him, but all he could think about was his little sister.

"Mr. Lupin," Professor McGonagall said softly, her hand on his shoulder bringing his attention around slightly, "I'm afraid I must cover a few quick points of order."

He nodded dimly, trying to keep his attention on her words.

"You will of course be excused from the remainder of your exams, and transport will be arranged home for you first thing in the morning," she continued. "You may stay here until the exam is concluded, and I will send Messrs. Potter, Black, and Pettigrew in once they have finished their tests."

"Thank you, Professor," Remus said quietly, turning away from her as he felt tears start to well in his eyes.

"I am sorry, Remus," Professor McGonagall whispered, her voice sounding as though she might be choking up herself, and placing a handkerchief on the table in front of him.

He listened to the door shut behind him and then let the sobs begin without restraint, his small frame shaking with the force of it. Little Zeva, gone. She would never get to go to Hogwarts, never find out what house she would be in. No flying lessons or charms or best friends or first kiss. She wouldn't ever get to live her life. She wanted to be a pilot, but she'd never even gotten to fly in an airplane. He wished it was him, he was a monster, he deserved to die, not Zeva. Remus' head fell into his hands and his world crumbled. He almost wished he didn't have to go home and see the devastation on his parents' faces. And for all they said they loved him and he knew they did, Remus knew deep down they would also be wondering why it had to be sweet little Zeva instead of their monster of a son.

Professor McGonagall walked down the aisle of the Great Hall, trying to keep her own tears from spilling out, and immediately felt three pairs of eyes fixed on her. As she drew close to the three boys, Sirius nearly leapt out of his seat, concern written clearly in all of his features.

"Please sit, Mr. Black," Professor McGonagall whispered sternly.

"Not until –"

"After you've finished your exam," she interrupted, but her words only fixed a more determined look on his face.

"I'm done," Sirius answered defiantly, snatching his exam from his desk and thrusting it at Professor McGonagall.

"Remus was always the smartest," James added slowly, standing and holding his test out to her.

"I already answered what I can," Peter said, joining the other two.

"As you wish," Professor McGonagall replied with a sigh, collecting their exams from them. "You may quietly join Mr. Lupin in the side chamber."

The three boys nodded and scrambled to get their belongings together, wasting no time in hurrying to the side of their friend.

"Boys," Professor McGonagall said quietly, and all three of them turned to look at her, "he's going to need you more than ever."

Sirius nodded somberly, leading the other two as they walked quickly toward the chamber at the front of the Great Hall. She watched them enter it and felt a small wave of relief. If nothing else, Remus had three wonderful friends who would be by his side through this trying time. Those four boys, Minerva thought, were something truly exceptional. They were the kind of friends who would be with each other through everything, and she would see them fifty years on and they would be up to the same antics, still all together. She was sure of it.

"Do you want us to come home with you tomorrow?" Sirius asked, snuggled up next to Remus in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory.

"You still have the rest of your exams," Remus sniffled, voice barely audible with his face buried in Sirius' shirt.

"I'm sure we can ask Professor McGonagall to excuse us," James answered.

"I'll fail mine anyway, so I might as well skip them," Peter added. His words drew a small snort of laughter from Sirius.

"I can go talk to her if you want," James volunteered, quickly scanning the room for his shoes.

"Yeah, we want to be with you, mate," Sirius continued, wrapping his arms tighter around Remus.

"If you'll have us," Peter said, ever sensitive to what his friend wanted. "But you don't have to do this alone."

Peter was the only one who noticed James quietly slip out of the dormitory, silently grabbing his shoes on the way. The other boys from their year were sitting in the common room, and they looked up at James as he passed through. Word had spread through Gryffindor Tower quickly, but everyone seemed to know well enough not to say anything to Remus, to let him grieve in private. Firmin O'Frighill had even told James that he and Lance Campbell would stay with some of the older boys so that they could have the dormitory to themselves for the night. James nodded to Firmin as he passed, a courtesy, a thank you for understanding, and then slipped out of the Common Room and walked through the quiet halls.

It was late, well past curfew, but James didn't care. He was utterly confident that if Filch even tried to put him in detention right now, Professor McGonagall would override it. But he didn't meet Filch on his path, he didn't meet anyone but his own thoughts. He couldn't imagine the pain Remus felt, the complete aching loss. He'd never had siblings. But James could imagine losing any one of his three best friends, and the idea made him shudder. He didn't even want to think about it, in case that somehow brought it about. It would crush him, he didn't think he'd ever be able to continue without his friends. Which is why he needed to make sure Remus knew that he was not, and never would be, without them.

James knocked on the rough wood of Professor McGonagall's door and it took only a moment before she opened it, clad in a tartan dressing gown, but otherwise looking wide awake.

"Mr. Potter, what may I do for you so late at night?"

Her voice sounded strangled, as though she had spent a significant amount of her evening crying, and part of James wanted to reach out and hug her, to comfort both of them.

"We were wondering - me and Sirius and Peter - if we could be excused from our exams, so that we could go home with Remus tomorrow," he explained carefully. "We don't want him to be alone, and you said yourself that he's going to need us."

"You're a good friend, Mr. Potter," she answered with a sad smile. "Unfortunately, as it is not your relation, I cannot excuse you from your exams." James dropped his head, feeling defeated, but Professor McGonagall continued. "Nor do I think Mr. and Mrs. Lupin should be... overwhelmed by having three additional boys to care for during their time of mourning. However, I can arrange for the three of you to take your exams early, I think over the next two days, and then send you home to your families after that. Then they may accompany you to visit the Lupins and pay your respects. Does that sound reasonable?"

"Yes, Professor, thank you," James admitted. It wasn't what he wanted, but it seemed like a fair compromise. And Professor McGonagall was right, Remus' parents shouldn't be burdened with extra children hanging around their house all the time.

They hardly slept that night, and the little rest they did get was fitful. They had all piled into Remus' bed, hugging as much of him and each other as they could. There were tears and nightmares and more than once Remus woke himself through the force of his sobs, but morning came eventually, and the four boys dressed and walked down to the Entrance Hall together. Professor McGonagall was waiting for them there, looking more composed than she had the night before.

"I will take you by apparition to your parents' house," she said kindly to Remus, before turning her attention to the other three. "You will leave via Hogwarts Express in two days time. Your families have been contacted to meet you at Kings Cross. I'll give you a moment."

She moved to stand by the great oak entrance doors, but she needn't have given them the privacy. There was nothing they could say in that moment that they hadn't already said the night before. No more words left between them, just a heavy feeling weighing in all of their hearts.

"We'll come as soon as we're home," Sirius said finally, breaking the silence.

"If you need anything, just owl," James added, shuffling his feet uncomfortably. "We'll gladly break out of this place to come see you if it's what you want."

Remus smiled weakly. Grief had certainly taken its toll on him already, but there was something else that was beginning to drain his energy. He guessed the full moon was two or three days away, but there was nothing to be done about that. He would just have to keep his friends away on the night and then... he could excuse most of the lingering symptoms with grief. At least he wouldn't have to worry about hurting Zeva this time.

As soon as that thought occurred to him, he felt sickened with himself, wanting to rip himself apart from the inside. How vile and despicable he must be to even for a moment be grateful that his sister was gone. It only reinforced the idea that it should have been him who died, for being the monster that he was.

"I should go," Remus said, unable to look at any of his friends, and he turned to leave, walking hurriedly toward Professor McGonagall.

They walked in silence through the grounds for a few moments, and Remus took several long, shuddering breaths as he tried to keep from crying again, his watery eyes roving over the tree line.

"Your friends care a great deal about you, Mr. Lupin," Professor McGonagall said after some time.

"Only because they don't know everything," he answered quietly, still not looking at her.

"I don't think you give them enough credit," she replied carefully, and Remus' head whipped around, his eyes the size of saucers as he looked at her. "No, Mr. Lupin, I don't think they've guessed your secret. But I do think they would be more... accepting than you believe."

"I can't tell them," he said, his voice sounding less certain than he would have liked.

"Perhaps not, that is your decision," Professor McGonagall conceded, though she sounded very much like she disagreed, "but don't think that the only other option is pushing them away either."

He gave her a quizzical look, not sure how she could possibly know that the idea was in the back of his mind every day, and more prominent around the full moon.

"You are not the first of your kind that I have known," she said by way of an answer. "It does not make you a bad person."

"Most people disagree," he answered.

"Most people do not know you as I do," Professor McGonagall smiled. "Do you think your family saw you as a monster, Remus?"

He didn't answer. They might not admit it, but the answer was yes, deep down he believed they did. They had mourned the loss of their son the night he was bitten.

"Do you think your sister saw you that way?" she pressed on when he was silent.

"No," he choked, tears welling up once more unbidden. "But she was special."

"She loved you, and saw you for who you truly are, Remus, as do so many others," Professor McGonagall said as they passed through the gates of Hogwarts. "You should try to remember that."

#marauders #remus lupin #sirius black #james potter #peter pettigrew #marauders fic #marauders ff #hp #hp fic #hp ff #btmt #gen writes

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