#multiamory podcast

[nonmonogamy-culture-is]

Rules vs Agreements vs Boundaries

I see these confused a lot, so here’s a simple guide to them!

Rules:

Rules are things put in place to control someone else’s behavior, whether that be a partner, a metamour, or anyone else. (Yes, it’s still a rule if you have to follow it too). Rules are strict and breaking them always has some kind of punishment involved. The punishment can be anything, maybe something decided in advance (If you do X, I’ll do Y), or even just the fight you’ll get into when it’s broken. Some examples of rules in non-monogamous relationships are:

1. You can only be with people as long as I approve, and you have to dump them if I say so (veto power)

2. We can only date cis women (one-penis-policy)

3. We have to spend at least 4 nights a week together

4. No sleeping with someone else unless I’ve met them first

5. Always be home by 11:00 PM

Now, it is possible to have healthy rules in a relationship, don’t get me wrong. However, it’s also common for rules to cause resentment and mistrust in relationships. Before making a rule, please consider where you are coming from with the rule. Most rules come from places of fear, mistrust, or insecurity. You may be making assumptions about how your partner will treat you without the rule in place, assuming the worst. Once you identify the feeling behind a proposed rule, you can attack the problem at its source instead of using a rule to cover it up. It’s similar to jealousy, in that respect. If you and your partner agree the rule comes from a good and constructive place, then you have a good rule.

Agreements:

Agreements are the hardest to pin down and describe, in my opinion. Agreements are trusting each other and acknowledging each other’s needs and your commitment to meeting those to the best of your abilities. Multiamory describes the difference between the philosophy of agreements and rules as, “A philosophy of communication and trust, as opposed to a philosophy of restriction and requirement”. Please remember that the philosophy and intent behind what you and your partner agree to is more important than the language used. Regardless of whether you call it a rule or an agreement, it’s the intent that makes it healthy or unhealthy. Possible agreement alternatives to the rule examples are:

1. We will trust each other’s judgment in our other relationships, and we’ll be aware of and work through any jealousy they cause

2. We will work together to unpack the insecurities the one who set the rule had, and take agreed upon baby steps towards dating other men and/or people with penises to help ease them into the change while we work through this insecurity

3. We will spend deliberate time together each week and not take our living together for granted

4. We will stay safe during sex and be open and transparent with each other about our sex practices, and we will communicate about and work through our jealousy and insecurities together

5. We will trust each other to be safe and responsible while out, and we will keep each other updated about when we will get home and if we’ll be late so not to cause worry

Boundaries:

Boundaries are things that you can enforce all on your own. They are self-empowering, unlike rules, which give all of the power to the other person. Boundaries are a healthy way to protect yourself and a staple in all relationships. Some examples of boundaries in relationships are:

1. I will not stay in a relationship with someone who is abusive

2. I will not have unprotected sex with someone who is having unprotected sex with other people 

3. I will not stay in a relationship with someone who smokes

4. I will not stay in a relationship with someone who is deceptive

5. I will not share intimate details about my other relationships with my other partners unless it directly affects them and/or our sexual safety

The only issue with boundaries is how easy it is to turn them into threats. Going back to example number three, this can be turned into a threat by saying “If you don’t stop smoking, I will leave you”. This manipulative and controlling behavior, and it puts the power back into the partners hands, so it is no longer self-empowering. It stops being a boundary entirely, both because of the power shift, the intent behind it, and the fact that you’re still in the relationship. Boundaries are the final defense. If your boundary is broken and you don’t enforce it, and instead choose to turn it into a threat to control your partner, it loses everything that makes it a boundary and becomes another way to take control. You can avoid this by making sure the focus stays on you, what you’re comfortable with, and what you’ll do to take care of yourself. Always be honest with yourself about your intentions, and never be afraid to enforce a boundary. Keeping yourself safe is more important than the relationship and/or action that is compromising that.

For more information, I highly suggest the Multiamory podcast episode “Rules vs. Agreements feat. Boundaries”. It goes a little more in-depth than I did, and it was my main resource when writing this post.

#rules vs agreements vs boundaries #rules #agreements #boundaries #relationship advice #non-monogamy #nonmonogamy #enm #polyamory #polyam #polya #relationship anarchy #educational #multiamory #multiamory podcast

[ace-aro-queerplatonic-positivity]

The Multiamory Podcast did an Episode (Ep.438) discussing the intersection of polyamory and aromanticism.

Explicitly polyamorous/ polyaffectionate aromantics, not asexuals!

You are all welcome to chip in/ add on through reblogs and tags and commentary!

The relevant Facebook announcement got shared into a group I happen to be in and as I commented, thanking the person for sharing it seeing as the group wasn’t aro-related at all, I got politely asked to explain how polyamory works for me as an aromantic asexual.

Keep in mind this explanation was targeted for an audience/ readership of allo-allo polyamorous people.

Also: CONTENT WARNING ⚠️

Internalised acephobia, self-depreciation, implication of sexualised abuse, mention of faithfulness

So the first thing I always say is that: disclaimer – obviously I can only talk about my personal perspective and aromantic people are very diverse, asexual people are very diverse

I just happen to be an asexual aromantic, whereas many aromantics are allosexual (meaning any sexual orientation that isn’t asexuality); seeing as this post is explicitly about the intersection of aromanticism and polyamory

I personally want a queerplatonic/ alterous life partner

That’s my personal wish, I want someone to share my life with

I consider myself polyaffectionate, seeing as I’m not “amorous” in any way shape or form

To me this means a few things

1) I practice relationship anarchy – I do not place a romantic relationship on some arbitrary pedestal, every relationship is important to me and that relationship looking like romance doesn’t mean much

For the other things I need to explain about myself first

I am a sex-averse asexual. I have had sex. I didn’t like it. I am generally sex-positive but I don’t necessarily want/ seek sex as part of any committed relationship; rather I’d avoid sex

(This following bit is self-depreciation but) Because of that I think I shouldn’t “tie down” any partner. Someone willing to be with me shouldn’t suffer for it and hence I don’t see a point in being possessive/ demanding sexual faithfulness – although the details would need to depend on the partner(s) and situation

Also due to me not making a grave distinction between “best friend” and “date friend” I just think it’s easier to call myself polyaffectionate since relationships involving me need thorough explanation anyway

I have explored through writing* what I’d like for myself and that basically always ends up that I’d like to be comfortable “sharing” my partner with pre-determined other people

I would only agree to a closed polycule, although I don’t need to be involved with everyone in it

Also I always hoped if I get that, if I get to have a queerplatonic polycule, it could be a found family and support network more than dating in the classical sense

Again, keep in mind all of this is just my personal perspective and I don’t speak for other aromantic people or other asexual people

Many asexuals are fine with/ want sex

Some aromantics are non-partnering/ would only practice solo-poly

My ideal relationship would be having one or two partners I live with, who are my family, who I can cuddle or leave to their own devices, basically a house share and we each cuddle and kiss each other as we please 🙈

—The thing is I’m aware I probably talk like someone who doesn’t value themself enough

Like, if I believed I could be enough for a partner my whole stance would be slightly different

But I have not yet made the experience that what I can offer (a sexless, queerplatonic commitment) is enough for people

I’m fully aware that mindset isn’t healthy but until someone proves I can be enough for them, well… “outsourcing” sex is easier than worrying

And if it’s a genuine relationship I’m happy for them, in any case

I wholeheartedly mean that I’d like a closed polycule and would be comfortable as described

But I also acknowledge that part of it comes from feeling inadequate/ not wanting to hold back the person(s) I love

I just know I can’t provide what – to many people – is a need

And since I know I can love more than one person at the same time I think getting to be with someone who also has other partners is my best chance… if that makes sense

As I said, I write a lot and with my latest novel-attempt* I think I found the relationship model I’d be comfortable with 🙈

* I have indeed written multiple fan fictions as well as original fiction about a self-insert character navigating relationships as I would like them to play out (setting aside the overarching plot of the individual fiction works) but seeing as I’m a pro-shipper and actually do have a writing side-blog, I don’t feel all that comfortable to just straight-up link my own writing here. Due to the here relevant works all featuring central relationships with a self-insert character, these works are also deeply personal. More so than other ship fiction I have written. I have linked these works on here before - as part of “#queerplatonic fiction” lists - but never really put “my name” (this blog’s URL) directly to them

#safeforace #safeforaro #personal #about me #about myself #multiamory podcast #aromantic polyamory #polyam aro #oriented aroace #aromantic love #aromantic self shipper #aromantic relationship #polyaffectionate #polyaffectionate aro #aro polyamory #internalised acephobia #internalised aphobia #self depreciation #self deprecating thoughts #non romantic love #non romantic #non monogamy #ethical non monogamy #aromantic non monogamy #non romantic non monogamy #sex averse #sex aversion #personal story #getting personal

[zombified-queer]

Written for Day 1: Kisses for Multiamory March.

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: F/F, F/M, Other

Fandom: The Hotel (Podcast)

Relationships: The Hotel Herself/The Manager, The Hotel Herself/The Owner (The Hotel Podcast), The Hotel Herself/The Lobby Boy (The Hotel Podcast), The Bellhop/The Hotel Herself, The Auditor/The Hotel Herself, The Concierge/The Hotel Herself

Additional Tags: Kissing, Rough Kissing, Biting, Gentle Kissing, Worship, Consent, Mirrors, Body Horror, Cosmic Horror

#Multiamory March #Multiamory March 2024 #the hotel podcast

[rotationalsymmetry]

OK y'all I had an earthshaking insight into how we talk about polyamory that everyone has to hear about right now.

Requests

So, you're reading up some general advice on polyamory, and someone's going off about rules vs agreements vs boundaries, right? So you read that and come away going "I get it, rules are bad, agreements and boundaries are good" and then a little while later your partner wants to do something that you'd rather they didn't. So you think back to that, remember that you shouldn't make a rule, and decide that if it's not something you would literally end the relationship over if you don't get it (or something that's not quite that, but extreme-ish like deciding to not have sex with them until after their next STI test) then you should work on managing your feelings about it and not say anything to your partner.

Which goes terribly in practice, because you're not asking for what you want which is like the first rule of relationships, ask for what you want, you know?

If it's a request, the other person can say no. But there's no need to just assume they'll say no before you've even asked.

#bouncing off the multiamory podcast episode 423 #polyamory #boundaries #rules/boundaries/agreements

[woman-loving]

I listened to this podcast on the ethical concerns and power dynamics in “unicorn hunting,” which I thought might be good to share here since bi women are often sought after for this type of arrangement. 

(I have a couple other posts that touch on bisexuality, abuse, and non/monogamy over here and over here.)

#bisexuality #biphobia #monogamy #nonmonogamy #unicorn hunting #podcasts #multiamory

[polyamzeal]

Public Breakup Post

On my personal Facebook I posted a long post about my recent breakup. I am going to cross-post it here as a record of the rawness of polyamorous breakup. I appreciate all sympathy given but honestly I have talked to people a lot about it already. I honestly hope this is more of the opposite that it can help other people going through a breakup or hard times to have something relatable to connect with. Also totally fine if you skip this one and keep on scrolling.

When I first became polyamorous I came to the realization that my relationships are my business. I don’t need to be public about them. I purposely limit how much I post about partners on social media. That is privileged information that I only share with people I trust. If someone wants to know about my relationships they can message me privately. But this time it feels appropriate to share a bit more than usual, so I am making a conscious effort to share for a number of reasons. One of the worst parts of polyamory I always say is the breakups. The last two breakups I stayed mostly or completely quiet about. Those partners were closeted, and combined with that, most people didn’t even know I was dating them or how much they meant to me. Furthermore the most common response a monogamous person will have to a polyamorous person with another partner while going through a breakup is, “What is the big deal, you still have a partner so you aren’t single.” This is incredibly hurtful and inconsiderate. The other common response is for them to say, “See, polyamory doesn’t work”, as if countless monogamous breakups across history wouldn’t show that monogamy doesn’t work. So most of the time it is best to just keep breakups secret and not talk about them. Which really sucks and hurts a lot. But I had a breakup recently, and it seems fitting to not keep this one secret and make it public. It was hard, painful, and I have questioned it ever since. My ex is a great person who I still love very much and want the best for them. I don’t regret the relationship and I have many fond precious memories of it. But recently it had just felt “off” in ways that are hard to explain and recognize. Plus we have both had a lot of personal stress outside our relationship as well. There was still a lot of happiness and great times mixed in but also just a lot of stress and anxiety. I wasn’t happy like I used to be and I just felt like I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of the relationship anymore. I am also sure what I wanted has definitely changed since the beginning, also in hard to explain ways. It felt like I was asking for too much out of the relationship. I needed to take a step back and breathe. Focus on my own mental health a bit before I could figure out that particular relationship. Get better at communicating all those hard to explain emotions and expectations. Learn about how I have changed and what I want out of relationships has changed. Sadly, I knew I couldn’t do that while still being in that relationship. It feels unfair to them but I needed to put my own emotional health first before that relationship. One reason I am posting all this is because of society overdramatizing breakups. It makes for good entertainment the more of a dumpster-fire train-wreck a breakup is. But not all breakups need to be like that. Society has told us that if a relationship breaks up then it is labeled a “failure”. THAT IS BULLSHIT! A relationship isn’t deemed a success based on how it ends. The Multiamory Podcast has an important saying as part of their relationship advice, “It is okay to break up.” Also ‘The Polyamory Breakup Book’ by Kathy Labriola gives a ton of examples why people might break up without it being all one person’s fault or someone being bad. A lot of times things just change. People change. I treasure and value that relationship so much. I feel so lucky it happened. They had a positive impact on my life and I hope I did on theirs too. I am sorry that our relationship had changed to this but I am also hopeful that this change will be an evolution, not a downgrade. That right now this is what is best for us and hopefully the future will be bright for us.

#Personal #Breakup #Polyamory

[punisheddonjuan]

This might be a radical opinion, but I hate every single person involved in this.

Robert (Ann’s husband) We have this motto: Feelings are not facts. That gets us through the hard times.

At the start, I was going through some depression, and when we had sex I had so much stress. There were issues in the bedroom with her, and that happened many times, which caused more stress. She started seeing this dude who was an absolute stud, having sex with him and having a great-ass time, and I felt totally lame and inadequate.

That was really hard for me, for obvious reasons. I felt like, I’m a hundred percent replaceable. It took a lot of conversations. She was like, There’s nothing wrong with you, this is going to pass, therapy will help. Lots of tears were shed. But medication helped me, talk therapy helped me, changing the way we do things helped. That’s where feelings are not facts really mattered. Because I would ask her questions, and she would be like, No, I don’t feel that way; and I would be like, I know you like being with him more than me; and she would say, I’m not lying to you, it’s different, but it doesn’t make me love you less, you provide so much more to my life than just sex. I totally get it now. That was the first instance of feelings are not facts. They feel like it. But they ain’t facts.

This is literally Ben Shapiro's "facts don't care about your feelings" but woke. I hate it. This is one hell of a depressing case study in self gaslighting. Get out of there Robert.

But man, didn't we do all this already back in the '60s? Hippie communes? Free love? Didn't it all devolve into weird cults? It's nothing new, the only difference is that this time there's a bunch of business management technique thrown in there (monetize your polycule):

We did every exercise in the books, listened to every podcast. We learned a strategy from the Multiamory podcast called “agile scrum,” which was adapted from business-meeting models. We utilized that format.

Also this is the most correct thing that's ever been said in a comment thread.

You nailed it buddy.

#link #article

[thisweekinfandomhistory]

Good mornin'! (Good mornin'!) This week, Emily and V dive deep into Multiamory March with a look at the 2014 invention of the TriadVerse, which is like A/B/O minus the A and O. With deep and evolving lore, a fest week, and an evolution into @polyamships @triadverse @polyshipweek's Multiamory March itself, the TriadVerse used ships like the eternal Don/Cosmo/Kathy from Singin' in the Rain to enchant both of our intrepid cohosts. Have you ever heard of the TriadVerse? What's your fave OT3?

This Week In Fandom History is a fandom-centric podcast that tells you… what happened this week in fandom history!

#fandom #fanfiction #poly ship #triadverse #multiamorymarch2023 #ot3 #Spotify

[atomicraft]

first fic for @polyamships's multiamory mach !!! POLYPD >:D

#jrwi #just roll with it #jrwi shipping #bojrwi #prime defenders #prime defenders fic #jrwi fic #polypd #dakota cole #willim wisp #vyncent sol #ashe winters

[jerzwriter]

Getting to Know You Better

Thank you to @angelasscribbles for the tag!

Here are my answers:

Last Song:

Jackie & Wilson, Hozier (Hey, at least it's not from Unreal Unearth). [Since I started this Empire State of Mind, Jay Z & Alicia Keys has come on]

Favorite color(s):

Purple, Red, Pin, Burgundy - sorry, can't pick lol

Currently watching:

At this very second? Day Drinking with Seth Meyers and Dua Lipa (my daughter says I will like it better than the one with Lizzo, I doubt it... but I'll let you know.)

Last movie:

Theater: American Fiction (It's fucking EXCELLENT!) Home: When Harry Met Sally (for the 10,000th time)

Currently reading:

Fic: Perfect on Paper Non-Fic: Polysecure (You know why! lol)

Sweet/Spicy/Savory:

Yes. Next question?

Last thing I googled:

What nationality is Jon Stewart (I'm weird... and I love him)

Current obsession(s):

Abbott Elementary (so glad it's back!); Derry Girls; Hozier; Noah Kahan; The Cranberries (flashback...); Multiamory Podcast (It's awesome! You have to check it out.); Baseball (FINALLY!)

Currently working on:

Too much... lol Honestly, finishing off 2 Valentine's Day fics (Tobias/Casey, Wake the Dead); My Tobias/Casey HC. Fandom-wise, I think I'm going to do that T/C AU when I'm done, prob work on WTD and Crimes of Passion stuff. But I'm honestly not sure ... I'm trying to segue to original fic again ... but I guess this obsession is hard to let go of.

Clean copy below cut if you want to play along!

Randomly tagging below cut - but anyone can play! :)

@aallotarenunelma @cariantha @dutifullynuttywitch @fairymatchmaker @genevievemd @icecoffee90 @inlocusmads @kyra75 @liaromancewriter @missameliep @noesapphic @potionsprefect @quixoticdreamer16 @storyofmychoices @lilyoffandoms @thefirstcourtesan @thosehallowedhalls @aria-ashryver @aces-and-angels @moominofthevalley @trappedinfanfiction @peonierose @coffeeheartaddict2 @dr-colossal-pita

#getting to know you #fun things #tag games

[knifewieldingenby]

Hey if you’re a couple exploring polyamory for the first time I have a little piece of advice for you:

STOP using established polyamorous people to play around with polyamory! If you’re not ready to do the work Every. Step. Of. The. Way. to unlearn toxic monogamous culture, undo trauma responses, and handle your jealousy in a healthy way, then stop wasting our time and fucking with our hearts! We’re not specimens for you to experiment with! Because the SECOND something goes “wrong” (aka you seeing the reality of your partner with someone else) y’all wanna pull away and toss the third person aside with no regard for their feelings, like they never fucking mattered in the first place, and it’s gross! Just stop! We’re not your fucking playthings!!!!

Anyway if you’re considering polyamory go listen to the Multiamory Podcast on YouTube.

#polyamory #vent

[sunnymegatron]

Pornhub on Netflix & Free Speech with Mike Stabile - Ep 202

  Mike Stabile, who appeared in Netflix’s Moneyshot: The Pornhub Story joins us to talk about important details that didn’t make it into the documentary. Some of what we discuss: 

The aftermath of the 2020 New York Times article that shook up the adult industry

How the far-reaching consequences affect us all

Who’s behind the Traffickinghub campaign, related anti-trafficking organizations & why 

What Pornhub did wrong & did right

The role of adult performers in maintaining checks & balances in the industry

The ins & outs of data collection & site moderation on Pornhub 

The recent surprise announcement that Pornhub was acquired by a company called Ethical Capital Partners

  Guest Bio – Mike Stabile

Mike Stabile is an activist, journalist, and documentary filmmaker who has written about and advocated for the rights of sex workers and sexual speech for over a decade. His firm, Polari Media, has developed press and media strategies for some of the adult industry's most well-known brands. Mike currently serves as the Director of Public Affairs at Free Speech Coalition, the trade and advocacy group for the adult industry.

  Episode 202 Helpful Links & Resources

Mike Stabile Twitter https://twitter.com/mikestabile 

Free Speech Coalition https://www.freespeechcoalition.com/ 

FSC Twitter https://twitter.com/FSCArmy 

MoneyShot: The Porn Hub Story on Netflix https://www.netflix.com/title/81406118 

The Restrict Act Bill S. 686 https://www.congress.gov/bill/118th-congress/senate-bill/686/text 

ResistBot  https://resist.bot/petitions

Find & Contact your Legislators https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/118/s686/comment 

Chat GPT https://chat.openai.com/chat 

Sunny’s Free Kink Negotiation & Scene Planning Mini-Workbook https://sunnymegatron.gumroad.com/l/negotiationwb

Sunny Megatron TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sunnymegatron

American Sex Podcast Discord Community http://bit.ly/discordasp

American Sex Podcast Patreon http://patreon.com/americansex

  Episode 201 Sponsor & Affiliate Discount Codes/Links

*by using our links & codes you can help support our work while saving a few bucks too—win/win!

Get 20% off + free shipping at Manscaped.com with code SUNNY http://manscaped.com 

Holly Randall Unfiltered Podcast https://www.hollyrandallunfiltered.com/ 

Multiamory Podcast https://www.multiamory.com/ 

Pleasure Podcasts Network https://www.pleasurepodcasts.com/

Sunny’s On-Demand BDSM Classes & Coaching:  https://sunnymegatron.gumroad.com/

15% off most items from Stockroom https://bit.ly/sunnystockroom15 with code SUNNY

 –To support American Sex Podcast/Sunny Megatron & help offset the cost of providing no-charge education: http://patreon.com/americansex  

Check out our latest episode!

#sexpodcast sunnymegatron kinkpodcast BDSMpodcast kinkiscustomizable

[halogen2]

even tho my bf and i put the “open relationship” stuff on pause (cuz of me moving back to tn to help my family since my mom has terminal cancer 👍🏻) i still listen to multiamory and peruse r/nonmonogamy and r/polyamory (despite those subreddits being absolute shit shows lol). that being said multiamory remains my comfort podcast even a yr after finding it and i genuinely think its a good and useful tool for Anyone in Any kind of relationship cuz they have soooo many cool and interesting eps on a huge variety of stuff. also emily is my favorite of the hosts but u didnt hear that from me

#txt

[autevi]

I've started binging episodes of the Multiamory podcast again lately and I am currently listening to the episode "My Brain Understands, But My Body Is Panicking" and a lot of the things being discussed on this episode as it pertains to polyamory is also resonating with me as a highly masked auDHD person.

They're talking about how people have these "stored imagery" that the body responds to as a trigger or less intense emotional response to stories and patterns even when the mind knows rationally they're not doing something "wrong", eg being a partnered poly person hanging out at home while their partner is out on a date or spending time with another partner, the normative story is "I am being taken advantage of/abandoned", or when a poly person is on a date with a poly but also married person, they normative story is "I am a homewrecker/assisting in cheating" even when that's not the case.

The guest on the podcast says she feels like the body "still stores these deep feelings of shame, fear, rejection, all of those things, in this big primordial soup that gets built up over time."

Which instantly reminded me about "Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria"... and it got me thinking about how autistic pattern recognition and tendency for rule-making and keeping can also work against us. Well, myself specifically, I don't want to assume on behalf of others but I suspect this will probably seem familiar to some. My pattern recognition does give me a good "instinct" about many things, but it also very frequently causes me to round up completely innocuous or harmless things into four-alarm fire threats. This is, I believe, the root of my not-quite-hypochondria (I am chronically ill and hypervigilant for any signs of flares or anything that could indicate I need to adjust my plans to preserve my health). It's inaccurate pattern recognition combined with small t trauma from flare after flare that doctors can't help me with or explain satisfactorily. That feeling of helplessness and confusion further pushed me into hypervigilant attention to patterns and rule-making as a way to try and almost superstitiously ward off flare ups.

I have recently unlocked the ability to mindfully take a look at an uncomfortable feeling I am feeling and remind myself that it is the memory of a past harm or anticipation of possible threat, not a real current actual threat. I would like to reframe "threat response" as "possible threat recognition device", and because it's better to be safe than sorry, I spend a LOT of time being Very Very Sorry because my "possible threat recognition device" is overactive and sees many patterns that could add up to threat where no threat exists. But my brain still interprets "possible threat" with the same rush of fear chemicals and nervous system activation that accompanies "real threat". It's a process. I'm sure I'll get better at it.

I don't have much experience doing somatic work but I keep hearing about it and I'd be curious to try it sometime like, on purpose. I wonder if I could find someone who does somatic work specifically for autistic and adhd people.

#autevi

[polyamzeal]

My husband and I are new to polyamory, do you have any good resources you recommend to newbies?

My personal favorite book is The Smart Girl's Guide To Polyamory by Dedeker Winston. It is a highly underrated book.

But the real answer is a bit of everything. That book and more books are great. There a few polyamory podcasts that really helpful, I personally love Multiamory. I always recommend their episode on R.A.D.A.R. and The Triforce Of Communication. https://www.morethantwo.com/ is a website (along with a book) made by someone who isn't very liked or popular anymore by the community but many still find the website to be very helpful and useful. Joining the polyamory-orientated social media groups is really good. Especially the local ones! Finally those social media site along with Meetup.com there are often in-person polyamory meetups if in a big enough city.

All of these resources are great and everybody learns differently so some are more useful to some than others. Getting different viewpoints from different people is great. Even on my blog I express some opinions that other polyam people don't share so it is great to diversify.

#anon ask #polyamzeal answers

[ear-worthy]

Multiamory Podcast: Relationships Are Complex: They Can Help

"We offer new ideas and advice for multiple forms of love: everything from conscious monogamy to ethical polyamory and radical relationship anarchy. We combine the knowledge from our years of personal experience with the best information available and present it in a way that’s entertaining, thought-provoking, and easy to apply to your relationships."

While I am more of a conscious monogamy type of person, I understand that a one-size-fits-all relationship structure can be limiting and suffocating. There is recent data that people today are exploring a wider choice of relationship configurations.

Let's be clear. I am not, nor is the podcast, advocating an Ashley Madison type of relationship where a person (usually a guy) declares a monogamy only to pursue secretive polyamory.

So in late September, I began to listen to the Multiamory podcast. Imagine my surprise when I learned that the podcast has been around since 2014, and building a substantial and loyal listener base.

I learned quickly from the podcast, that the podcast name comes from the Latin prefix multi, meaning multiple, and the Latin root amor, meaning love. Multiamory represents multiple forms of love—everything from monogamy to nonmonogamy, casual dating to queerplatonic, married couples to those who are single by choice, and everything in between.

I began listening to past episodes of Multiamory with eager ears and an open mind.

I took seriously what the co-hosts at Multiamory had promised me as a listener: "Conventional relationship advice is toxic and outdated. If you want some out-of-the-box ideas to deepen your current relationships, find the best romantic partners for you, broaden your sexual horizons, or develop a better understanding of yourself, then check out our podcast."

I wasn't looking for multiple forms of love -- I struggled with the conventional form -- but I was sure the podcast had much to offer any style of relationship or love.

After listening to 20 episodes, I felt like I had discovered a gold mine. Many episodes didn't appeal to me because I have no interest in polyamory, which is the practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexual) relationships, with the consent of all the people involved. To be clear, I believe relationship models are like jars of jelly. There are lots of choices -- strawberry preserves, orange marmalade, grape jam, etc. -- and all can be legitimately delicious. Same with relationships -- gay, bisexual, polyamorous -- whatever works for the participants.

Many of the episodes of Multiamory are about communication in relationships. That spurred my interest, because lack of communications in a relationship is like that piece of dust in the port that keeps your iPhone from charging.

Episode 123, for example, on The Science Of Happy Relationships covered communication, fighting styles, and how a friendship with your romantic partner can be an asset. Episode 131 about dumpster-fire relationships was eye-opening, funny, and sadly, too familiar to many of us.

Episode 134, Conscious Monogamy, was insightful as the co-hosts talked about "jealous monogamy" where people use monogamy to protect themselves from surging feelings of jealousy.

By April 2018, the podcast had begun to investigate the communication aspects of relationships. They began Communications Hacks: Booster Pack, which are communication tips.

In the last five years, the podcast has focused on the core of successful relationships, no matter how they are defined or framed.

The podcast has run episodes on a wide range of relationship topics, from toxicity to deconstructing jealousy, and nonverbal communication to building a foundation of trust.

My point is you do not have to be some relationship pioneer, testing different forms of love and connection to enjoy and learn from this podcast.

In February 2023, the co-hosts put out a book on Amazon and Barnes & Noble called Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships.

Speaking of the co-hosts. They are three. And in the podcasting world, three can be a crowd when co-hosting. People interrupting, talking over one another, or simply creating chaos for listeners because of the multiple voices.

Yet these three people co-exist well on their podcast. Everyone contributes and offers a unique and valuable perspective. More important, they have the mastered the art of three-person conversational flow. I think they should hold classes.

Emily Sotelo Matlack insists that she has been fascinated by relationships since she was young, and has immersed herself in relationship education and creating healthy communication tools for nearly a decade. She is an actor, singer, and proud vegan. She claims to be the funny bone of the Multiamory trio, and she'll also kick your ass at Mario Kart. In addition to laughing and crying about relationships on air each week, you can spot her singing and dancing in a play, performing in Hong Kong or Shanghai Disneyland, or serving every vegan who ever lived at the plant-based restaurant at which she works.

Dedeker Winston is a relationship coach, writer, and advocate for polyamory and non-traditional relationships. She is the author of The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory: Everything You Need to Know about Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Alternative Love, published by Skyhorse Press.

Jase Lindgren is a non-monogamous dating coach, healthy masculinity educator, and sex-positivity advocate. He has trained in positive psychology, Emotional Freedom Technique, consent education, and Buddhist mindfulness practice. He has worked with the government and celebrities on HIV public awareness in Russia.

So Multiamory is a worthy destination for your ears and your mind to get more information about the entire range of relationships, not just traditional monogamy. For those in these non-traditional but entirely legitimate relationships, this podcast can act as your mental defibrillator, helping to revive a connection that has flatlined over the years.

However, the podcast offers extremely helpful and insightful advice about the basics of maintaining a strong relationship -- good communication, trust building, and respect.

In essence, Multiamory can be your Swiss Army Knife for relationships of all shapes and forms -- from gay to monogamous to polyamorous to asexual to queerplatonic to casual.

I recommend listening to Multiamory to laugh, learn, and be challenged. After all, I have not met too many people in my life who have told me, "Relationships are easy. No fuss. No muss."

After all, relationships are like eating buttered popcorn at the movies. It's delicious and delightful, but it can be messy and leave a lot of shit on your hands, face, and clothes.

#podcast #podcasting #psychology #relationship #polyamory