#my friend literally told me she used to be so jealous of me in elementary school she actually hated me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wxniesrxse · 2 years

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Lee Leo : Broken Boy

WARNING

Cussing (bad words)

Triggering Situations

Car Crashing

Mentioned of Suicide

Bad Relationship

Bullying

Pairing: You x Leo of Trainee A

Warning: Mature

Lee Leo.

The kid who once turned on the school's alarm for no reason he only did that and left the school's grounds when everybody was running out the school building afraid it was something serious.

Lee Leo.

The kid who did whatever he want during science class. One time in a chemical project he was in my team. He wasn't supposed to mixed any chemicals that the teacher hasn't told us to use. But Leo didn't listen and mixed chemicals and more chemicals together creating an explosion in the middle of the table. "Uugh....it didn't explode the way I wanted it..." he puffed and frowned. "Idiot" I thought.

Lee Leo

The kid that steal peoples food whenever he liked.

Lee Leo

Who once was the most trouble maker in high school and gave almost everyone a hard time...including me.

I remember how this wasn't the Leo I knew back in elementary school and middle school. Leo and I were close friends. Leo was kind, sweet, helpful, teacher's favorite student, and people love him.....but when his parents die in a car crash...he changed. Well....if I remember correctly after his parents death he only had one person to take care of him. That was his uncle.

Leo once told me how he didn't like him because his uncle was a drunk. His uncle has two younger sons and has a new wife but his new wife does not treat the two kids well.

After the tragedy happened, he started to live with his uncle and that's when the "new" and "mean" Leo was born. I even started to hate him during those 4 years.

Now we're out of school. Probably everyone has a job, doing their dream job, are studying a career in college, probably meeting their first real love. I'm studying to be a veterinarian because of my love for animals and I'm also working in a cafe shop near my home.

But let me tell....one day......I saw him. Lee Leo.

He walked in hand in hand with a beautiful girl. She was so pretty that you could even mistake her of being a popular social media influencer. That day I had a black mask on because of COVID rules but no matter how much I hate to wear it I was glad to have it on because there could be a chance that Leo wouldn't recognize me immediately.

They walk towards the ordering desk were I was taking the orders. " I want a americano and chocolate cake" she said as she look at the list of deserts that was in front of me. Leo step forward and order " I want a latte and chocolate cake as well" he smiled lightly. I was shocked to see him smiling even a little bit. I remember him being so angry. I stared at him for a few seconds before typing the his order in the computer. "Okay it's 12.50...." I said as I got their credit card.

I watched them sit together. Leo was sitting on the opposite side of her. He held her hand across the table but she aggressively pulled her hand away. " I saw the way that ugly cashier looked at you" I heard her say and of course I felt uncomfortable hearing that. I think I should've been more careful.

Leo chuckled quietly. " she was? I didn't even notice it..." he said not showing any care. " yeah right! That's what you always say to any girl....anyway I'm not gonna get jealous today .....Leo~ I want the shoes I saw yesterday at the mall...can you buy them for me?" She cooed. She caressed his cheek softly. " of course babe, anything for you" he said as he kiss the knuckles of her hand.

I literally stand there pretending I was doing something on the computer as I watched them. Honestly I wasn't sure why I was interested to know what they were doing at that time knowing the piece of shit he was in high school. Although I don't know that young woman, for what I'm seeing, Leo seems to be so in love with her but.....she looks like she isn't....just there for the money.

" YN, I need you in the coffee area!" A co worker called me. I didn't want to leave but I had to do my tasks.

Then we all heard the sound of yelling and stuff been thrown down. We all run to the front desk to see what was going on.

Leo's girlfriend threw her cup of coffee to the floor and it shattered. " why you gotta be like this!" She screamed...literally screamed. She looked so angry that she suddenly took Leo's hot coffee and threw on him. "What the fuck Mirae! It's not that deep!" Leo step backwards as he look at his wet clothes. " you're the worst boyfriend! Why am I even dating you if you can't make me happy! I shouldn't have saved you when you were about to-" she immediately stop herself from saying what I think she was going to say out loud. Leo's frowned turned into a sad look. " get... the fuck...out of here...." He whispered as he sat down back in the chair in a such a tiredly and defeated way.

When I saw him looking defeated and sad I just realized that the good boy I've known before is still there....but he's broken.

"Leo! I know you went through a lot and you still are, let me help you....please..." I crouch down to be able to see his face. I put my hand on his arm. Leo slowly look at me. "YN?..." he whispered with a questionable look. " I work here....but let me take you home......you're hurting from inside ...." I said quietly looking at his eyes. "Why?....You and I stopped being friends....a long long time ago..." he said dryly as he look way from me.

But I know the Leo I always known is still there....

" we'll talk once you're clean..." I smiled as I put my hand out to him....and he took it.

" Do you want to eat something? Drink anything? You ask and I'll get it for you...." He slightly smirked. It was a kind and sweet smirk. He sat on a stool next to me. He changed his white shirt to a gray one and his pants too. He had his hair down instead of wearing that red cap on he had earlier. He looked approachable specially with the sweet smile he gave me.

" thank you for the offer but I ate lunch and I'm very fulled" I rubbed my belly as I laughed. He chuckled and didn't stop staring at me. " I'm sorry for being a piece of shit to you in high school..." he said in a serious voice. He licked his bottom lip and rubbed his own hands together. " I've gone through a lot of horrible shit with my uncle and....I've shouldn't have used those reasons to treat others like shit....I regret everything I did in the past...." He pressed his lips together and look down. He was crying.

I felt like crying too. He went through a lot and as the good friend I used to be to him I never gave him a chance to talk to me about his struggles. Everyone would say "what the hell is wrong with Leo" instead of asking " what is going wrong with Leo? Is he okay? Does he have problems at home?" And I was one of them. I felt horrible.

I got off of the stool and hugged him tightly. " hey it's in the pass, I should have been there for you even if you changed, even if you bully me, I should have been by your side before judging you like the rest did....I feel at fault too...and I'm sorry for that, im really sorr-" Leo turn to look at me. His hands touching the sides of my face.

He was too close. " don't apologize, but I hope you can forgive me..." he mumbled. I smiled and nodded. " of course! Like I said it's in the pass and now we're adults living our own life....we can restart our friendship again " I put my hands on his hands that were still on my face. I grab them and pull them off my face so I can hold his hands with mine properly.

He let out a tiny laugh. "Okay...of course..." he said getting off the stool. He wrapped his arms around my neck as I wrapped my hands around his torso. " should we go out to dinner together?" You asked in a question voice. "Yes. Then I can talk to you about how I met her...Mirae..." he said sounding sad. I nodded and grabbed his hands. "Alright! We have a lot time to catch up" I smiled at him and so he did as we both shared a laugh together.

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Thank you for reading! I enjoy writing this sad Leo shot! I hope I didn't made anyone uncomfy.

( this will be on my WATTPAD & IG)

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ishaablogs · 6 months

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"Resilient Echoes: Navigating Solitude and Overcoming Trauma"

Life is pretty hard for my family because my dad is a farmer and my mum is a maid, but I'm so proud to have such hardworking parents who always find a way to solve our problems and provide for us at home. It all began when my mum worked on this family for a few years, taking care of other children while my dad took care of me as a two-month-old baby. I grew up without her presence, but occasionally she would come home once a month. Growing up has been really difficult for me because I live with my mother, who works for a family, and I was sad when I started preschool. I basically learned a lot from my mother about how to cook, clean, and interact with others from her, and sometimes I even help her out by helping to clean or watch the other kids. So even though I'm only a child, I have to act mature because if I make even the smallest mistake, either my mother or the people who own the house will discipline me, which will embarrass me and hurt my feelings. Since they always believe they are correct, they woke you up at six in the morning and told you not to act like a seniorita in this house. I mean, as a child, I have no idea how to think much because I'm just a child who loves to play sometimes. I believe that helping my mother is insufficient, therefore I suppose that when I turned seven, I was in first grade. I am overjoyed to be living with my dad and three brothers once more after my mother advised me to change schools, presumably because she didn't want to watch me suffer in that home. But elementary school is really difficult because no one can help me. My brothers are too lazy to come to meetings or teach me things about school, and my dad works a lot on a farm to make ends meet. As a result, I was pretty much alone in grade one and didn't have any friends. I repeat grade one because I can't read, but after a year, I think I've improved enough to go to grade two. Although grade two went smoothly, my teacher's haircut of my hair, which I will never forget, was really painful since it prevented me from seeing my bangs in front of my classmates. She literally clipped the portion that shouldn't have been trimmed.

To sum up my life's events, I've met a lot of strict people who don't think things will get better, I was betrayed by my former best friends who were jealous of me even though I had the best of intentions for them, and finally, I'm finding it difficult to continue my education financially when your family doesn't contribute any money to it.

I have no control over how other people perceive me, yet those closest to me are the ones that know me the best, and some people form opinions about me based on the opinions of others. That being said, here is who I am and this is my story.

THE END.

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pedrostylez · 7 months

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The he smut of part 7 was 🔥 😈 Anna confrontation was kinda anti climatic tho but I think I get it

Hi anon! I’m glad you enjoyed the smut. Writing smut is difficult for me because I will reread it over and over and I’m not convinced it is good. Common issues lol.

I’m not reading this as you trying to be snarky/mean, but I’m going to defend my writing just a tad

I think it is important to remember that we are only seeing a snippet of time for these characters.

Reader and Anna’s relationship extends all the way to elementary school-where they are both only children with fucked up families trying to mother each other while reader’s family splits apart and while Anna deals with emotional abuse from her mother. Both try to protect each other from it, but specifically Anna tries to protect the reader from knowing how horrible Anna’s mom is. (Example: Anna’s mom berating her for sleeping around in Drabble 1, doesn’t tell the reader about it that night because she knows the reader looks up to Anna’s mom as her own mom. Doesn’t use it as an excuse when they are confronting each other, which would have been a totally valid thing to bring up, since it brings context to what her mental state was. Doesn’t even mention that Brad was literally kissing another girl when Anna approached him? If I was reader I would have wanted that information, but Anna protects her feelings yet again)

Reader also feels like she protects Anna by not talking about her own feelings. Reader see’s Anna as the golden child, always perfect and actually thinks Anna is oblivious to her issues, and so she bottles up her own feelings to keep Anna happy. “You wished you could be like her...” “Unintentionally attracted everyone around her to her realm.” Are both very jealous statements, just in the first paragraph of the first chapter. Reader protects Anna by being the sane one when they go out to parties-dressing “down” in comparison, (I don’t like this wording but I’m not sure how else to put it) letting Anna be a little crazy while reader is basically sober. Anna knows this, and in some cases likely takes advantage because she knows she can lean on reader and have a fun night.

These two characters have a lot of history, and we are only seeing a snippet of when they are finally communicating this particular issue. They have gone their whole lives not just supporting each other but tip-toeing around each other's issues to be the shoulder to cry on. We are talking about two girls that grew up together, are now in their late 20’s, and have still stuck by each other-after moves, college, jobs, long term relationships not working, etc. In the scheme of it all, this extended spat that reader has held on to without telling Anna is...tiny. They will get over it. They are sisters that chose each other rather than born into the same family.

I did debate having Santiago and Frankie be stuck in the middle, but that was just wrong with not only the timeline I’m following (Frankie and reader being together for only a couple weeks of time) but also your significant other getting in the middle of your friendship spats is typically the indicator of boundaries being overstepped. (I can only use myself as the example. If my friends and I are having issues, my partner is being told information exclusively so I can work through it out loud. He does not get in the middle, he does not talk to my friend to defend me, NOTHING without my consent first.) Especially if the relationship is new. Frankie asks multiple times if everything is okay, and reader says she will handle it. Santiago asks Anna what’s going on, and she gives an explanation that is pretty vague, because at the end of the day-this is between Anna and reader and no one else. And...maybe this is me just writing in a self-indulgent way.

So I guess what I’m saying is yeah maybe it was anticlimactic, but without it being fucking crazyyyyyyy (which there is a place for that, but I am not currently able to write it) this is what makes sense for Anna and reader’s relationship in my brain.

#something else #anon ask #Abi talks

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diggersofgraves · 1 year

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im gonna rant here, but if anyone wants to give me advice 😭

so. there was a girl i used to talk abt a lot here. i might rb a few things that i mentioned her in. anyways. i had a big old crush on her in hs. but i moved away for school and that was that. what might have been during hs was kinda dropped. i still saw her when i came back for holidays it summer, but she was more of my bffs friend than mine by the end of hs, so i only saw her once in a while. and by the time i finished college. ig i still remembered the crush i had on her, but i felt like i had gotten over it.

the thing abt this girl is she's a very big jokester and kinda deflective. shes kinda like. an elementary school kid who has a crush on someone and only knows how to handle it by being mean to them? thats kinda her. but with jokes??

well, i never took ANYTHING she said abt us srsly bc. its just what she does. she jokes.

and a few weeks ago, my friend invited us to a little kickback and she was there. i made a post abt it i think, bc obviously everyone needs to be in my business. but quick run down. she made a joke abt kissing me. when i didn't go along with it she said, "why didn't you lean in?" and that's the moment it kinda hit me that she might be fr 😭

and the she got "defensive" again and she told me she was gonna talk to the cute girl over there or w.e.

(and im not a jealous person when im not in a relationship with someone. even if i like them, im not gonna play jealousy games with ppl, sorry, so if she wanted a reaction from me, she did not get one)

okay, we've seen each other a couple of times since then. nothing big. someone realized i had a little crush in her bc apparently i act a FOOL, a SIMP, even when we just talk abt her.

now the NEW MAIN PART OF THE STORY (sorry that was all suppose to be a quick recap lol).

my close friend always throws a big old costume party for her birthday since she's an october baby, duh. and shes make a deal of inviting anyone she was ever cool with. so some ppl from hs, some ppl from shows she goes to, shes knows a lot of ppl. and ofc this girl is gonna be there (lets not talk abt the fact that my ex and her new girl was there lmao, i didnt mind, i just had no idea how to react)

and me? im a little loose from the alc. i dont even remember how we ended up hanging together, but we did. we played beer pong (and ofc we're both amazing so a lot of celebration hugs).

and i think from there we stick to each others sides. kinda close. right?

and she says things I once thought were jokes, but now im like 😳 u think my beauty doesnt compare fr ??

well by the end of the party we're making out. again, i dont remember how it happened. just that it did.

and we went home and I have not texted her since then and vice versa.

i had a conversation with ANOTHER friend yesterday tho. who told me while i was in the bathroom and they were all drunkenly hanging out outside. she told them she's been having a crush on me since hs and she's always been too scared to do or say anything. now lets forget abt the fact that my dumbass is living through a 7 year slow burn with a apparently a shit ton of mutual pining. lets forget abt that. or else ill punch myself.

point is, she has yet to contact me and i have yet to contact her. and im scared if i do she'll pass everything off as a joke. which will hurt. but i still want to reach out. i just dont know what to say. i dont talk to her much outside of in person situations. i should've stolen her sweater so i could have an excuse to give it back 🙄

anyways. that was my little rant. im still stuck on what to say. if anyone has advise. ill give u a little digital heart or smth idk.

the solution might literally be so simple, but i dont have an outside perspective rn, i have dumb dumb lovesick brain rot >:(

PLS DO NOT REBLOG THIS THANKS

#do not reblog this #i am so fragile rn #jk i am so strong #emotionally #physically #i am strong for my size #i think #but still pretty weak overall #my confidence is the only thing saving me from #anything #fake it till u make it??#if this post comes back to haunt me istg

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gisachi · 3 years

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Hi ^^ I know that your requests are now closed but I was thinking that, given you have written jealous Shinichi, I would very much enjoy some jealous Ran! Maybe you can mix it with one of the prompts? Just throwing the idea out there, no pressure. Delete this if you don't feel like it, it's okay really. Thank you for writing these amazing fics, the shinran fandom is in your debt. ❤️

So this is the last (!!!) and longest (!!!) of the kiss prompts, and I dedicate it to multiple-requests Anon and to this Anon. I hope both of you still see this. It took me a while. ^^;;

P.S. Special thanks to @artycreaty for keeping this in check. You are awesome. 🥰

41. Kisses shared under an umbrella. 46. A lingering kiss before a long trip apart. (6,489 words)

Ran keeps telling herself she has no right to be jealous.

She has hundreds of reasons not to. They’re merely childhood best friends. Life would be much easier if she didn’t involve herself in his business twenty-four seven. Shinichi absolutely doesn’t look at her that way. And so forth.

She wonders why they’re even friends in the first place. If their parents hadn’t enrolled them in the same kindergarten, she was certain they wouldn’t even be on speaking terms. He lives in a world of grisly books and crimes, she in a world of martial and visual arts. Their hobbies don’t overlap. They excel in different fields. They enter the same university with completely unrelated majors. The only bond they have in common is their shared history. Literally bonded since they were four, until now at nineteen.

So when she sees him all jolly around his newfound circle who hold the same interest in Holmes or detective work, it shouldn’t surprise her as much. It’s part of university life, it’s normal, they expand their horizons, and Ran understands that it hits much differently when they bond with people who like the same stuff they do. Something she’s aware they cannot share a hundred percent.

She’s proud of him, and she absolutely has no right to feel jealous, especially when she sees him around taller, prettier, more interesting women from his course block. There is no reason for her to look away with a heavy weight in her chest everytime the women get giggly and touchy while he’s absorbed in narrating his stories.

Everytime she does, she reminds herself of how he didn’t seem to mind when she was casted as the protagonist of their high school play and the leading man was the handsome Araide-sensei. Or how he simply shrugged when she fawned over the brother of a classmate because he looked so much like the karate senpai she was crushing on. Or when she secretly caught Sonoko dragging the detective behind gym after P.E. to confront him about his opinion regarding an upperclassman courting Ran and his only response was, ‘She can like whoever she likes, Sonoko. I’m not her boyfriend.’

He never showed her any sign of jealousy, therefore he must not be into her. Simple as that. So it’s unfair for her to be treating him differently. Getting snarky just because he received sixteen new fan mails again, more now that they’re in uni, and two even coming from the popular criminology seniors he is often teased to? Or ignoring him unprecedentedly just because his eyes followed the back of a woman with long chestnut hair and voluptuous curves? There are plenty of fish in the sea, and he’s bound to be attracted to someone else. This is a pill she ought to learn to swallow eventually.

Eventually.

“Shinichi-kun, you never told us about your scariest case yet, tell us about it?”

Kaori closes her notes and so do the other two girls across her, and Shinichi’s eyes twinkle. He truly seems to enjoy study sessions with the little group they made consisting of some of his and Ran’s coursemates because they love listening to his stories.

“At the top of my head is this murderer disguised as a bandaged man, and he targeted us one by one…” and so the detective drones. Ran pauses typing and reminisces quietly. Ah, that one from summer three years ago. I was almost injured by that crazy man during my sleep but Shinichi woke me up in time.

“Ran-san,” Shun, her friend and coursemate, mutters beside her, also stopping his typing to listen to the detective’s story. “It’s ridiculous how popular Kudou-kun is with the girls. He’s full of wild adventures.”

“Yes, he is,” Ran says, smiling. “He’s been a girl magnet ever since high school.”

She watches as Kaori inches closer to Shinichi, listening attentively, chin on her palm and flirtatious smile on her lips as the detective rants on and on.

For the third time that afternoon, Ran looks away.

Ran keeps telling herself she has no right to be jealous.

She does, everyday, but it’s hard when he smiles at her, cares for her, holds her in a way she’s never seen him do for anyone else. It gives her hope every time the girls cling to him but he never touches them back, whereas he automatically slings his arm over her shoulder because she’s afraid or cold or he simply feels like it.

Then again, maybe she’s giving herself too much credit. Perhaps it’s a free pass for being around him for too long. She even gets to spend time with him during weekends and holidays. It isn’t special because it’s normal.

And that’s all she’ll ever be, a normal girl in his eyes.

“Ran? She’s pretty special.”

Ran reacts to the mention of her name and catches Shinichi looking at her. “She appears quiet but she can kick anyone’s ass without breaking a sweat. It’s bad if you cross her,” Shinichi gloats with a grin.

“Oh my god, really? We can bring her with us then!” Kaori claps her hands in excitement.

“Ah... But she won’t like that,” he follows up, wary. Ran has missed the topic they were talking about and now she’s curious.

“But ghosts aren’t real and Mouri-san can give them a good beating!”

“Gh-Ghosts?” The color in her cheeks drains, eyes freezing at Shinichi who has probably already expected that reaction, for he sports that same look of concern as those times he had expressed whenever she joined him in his way-past-bedtime elementary school adventures.

“We’ll investigate an abandoned house I always pass by walking home,” Kaori explains. “Last night I saw a faint cigarette light at the second floor window. It might be a fugitive or a homeless person or a ghost, who knows?”

“You don’t need to come if you don’t want to, Ran,” Shinichi assures.

Gulping, Ran contemplates whether going with them will do her any good. It’s a nice change, it’s been a while since she last tagged with Shinichi in his cases. But she isn’t exactly proud of shrieking like a little kid in front of serious criminology majors who may feel like she’ll drag their covert investigation down if she joins.

“...I’ll pass,” she answers meekly, and his coursemates sulk except Shinichi, who offers her a smile of understanding.

“Man, I thought we’ll be able to see Mouri-san in action!”

“That’s ok, maybe next time. We still have Shinichi-kun!”

“Shinichi-kun will protect us, ne?”

“Hah. Right. Invite Hakuba too, use him.”

“Oh c’mooon, Shinichi-kun!”

Ran closes her eyes, struggling to zone their voices out.

In her silence, Ran ponders if she has made a wrong choice.

Ran has no right to be jealous. So it’s unfair for her to be treating him this way.

The following weekend, Shinichi narrates what happened in their late-night investigation. Hakuba wasn’t there so Shinichi was the only available guy as usual. Ran refuses to hear any more details, both of the haunted house and secretly of the girls chancing onto him during the investigation. Shinichi is puzzled.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Nah, just swamped with work.”

“On a Sunday?”

“Yes.”

“Want me to assist?”

“No.”

Her replies are curt from the couch of his house, not looking at Shinichi on the other end as she mindlessly cleans up her digital sketches. She hates how snappy she sounds but her brain is too absorbed with conjuring spiteful imaginations to even think of masking her annoyance.

“Ran, hey. Look at me.”

His low voice freezes her from drawing, and she slowly looks up to meet Shinichi’s serious eyes.

When this happens, she knows he’s reading her. She inwardly chants a prayer because now isn’t a good time. Whatever time isn’t a good time. She doesn’t know what to say when she’s aware everything she’s been feeling is irrational and unfair. She’s being selfish.

“You’re… stressed.”

“No, I’m… Eh?”

He scoots closer, an arm’s length away. “Your dark circles are more prominent now, you need a break.” His eyes turn a soft blue. “Let’s have dinner out? My treat.”

Ran is surprised, to say the least. The last time he invited her out was two weeks ago. She’s become so used to seeing him around others that any initiative from him sounds too good to be true.

“But I need to finish this project by tonight.”

“Let’s have food delivery then!” Shinichi announces, not rattled by Ran’s indirect refusal. “I know exactly what you want. Ramen and shaved ice.”

Her eyes thin at the absurdly goofy expression she knows he makes when he’s being mischievous. “Clearly you’re ordering that ramen for yourself. I only like shaved ice.”

“Damn! Miss Detective gets it.” A mile-wide grin stretches across his face, earning an eye roll from the half-smiling woman. “Let’s eat together on your short break, please?”

He leans within a respectful distance and she sees his smile better, pair of kind eyes locking with her overworked ones. “It’s been a while.”

Her heart throbs for him. So much.

She caves - of course she does - and breathes her acquiescence.

After two long weeks, they have dinner together, just them and Shinichi’s ramen and Ran’s donburi and shaved ice, Shinichi taking a spoonful of dessert from the cup when she isn’t looking and Ran snatching a slurp from his take-out bowl and laughing when he catches her.

With how heartfelt his laughter is in her presence devoid of any mysteries, Ran knows she’s probably giving herself too much credit, but for once she wants to believe she is the cause of why Shinichi’s happy.

Just for that night, she gives it to herself.

She’ll change the dark colors of her digital artwork to brighter ones after they eat.

Despite everything, Ran finds it difficult to contain her recurring jealousy.

The more she shares precious time with him, the more it gets harder to suppress the selfish emotions. What is so unsatisfying about being the best friend is that she is only the best friend. No more no less. At the end of the day, she isn’t the one he gets to cuddle with, to tease then kiss, to tell ‘I love you’ to, romantically.

“I love you.”

Ran feels her heart about to leap out of her chest.

“But please. Stop. Tearing. The. Cushions!”

The little furball he has scooped underneath a throw pillow wiggle from his grasp. The kitten and detective engage in a brief staring showdown before it jumps away to hide under a farther couch.

Snapping out of reverie, Ran watches her childhood friend slink dejectedly onto the partly scratched furniture. He’s fortunate enough that his mother isn’t around to give him a long lecture on Why Pets Aren’t Allowed in the House 101. She can always take Yukiko-san’s role and reprimand him for it, but as for this and the cat, she finds herself not wanting to intervene.

“Kaori-san sure is taking her time with her parent’s permission. By the time she does, Momo would’ve shredded all the pillows in this house.”

“You named the cat?” Ran asks, amused.

“She did.” He thinks for a moment, then sniggers. “Actually I did. I suggested a random name. She took it.”

Ran merely hums. What can she say? They’re getting close. Close enough to team up as parents to an adopted kitten.

“I’m surprised you also agreed to keep Momo when you never took in animals before.”

“Kaori said she’ll treat me to the latest Detective Samonji movie this weekend if I do. Can’t resist that.”

“Just you two?”

“Yeah.”

A beat. Then he turns to her.

“Wanna join? I can ask her to count you in since you’re kinda helpi—”

“N-no need,” Ran quips, “It’s—It’s fine.”

“No really,” Shinichi insists, “Kaori-san has a lot of money, she—”

“I’m going to Tokyo Metropolitan Art Museum with Shun-san this weekend... so... I can’t.”

“Ah.”

Silence.

“It’s, um, for a project,” she bolsters.

“I know.” The faintest smile graces his lips. “It’s your thing. Both of you.”

“Mm.”

He doesn’t say anything else after that.

“Shinichi, you’re a detective, right?” she blurts out of the blue.

“Yeah...and?”

Then deduce what I feel. Here and now.

“Then you’re going to enjoy that movie!” Ran forces a beam, giving Shinichi a thumb of approval. “And you can discuss it with Kaori-san over dinner. I’m sure you two have a lot to say about it.”

Shinichi’s eyes linger on her, reading her like a book, and Ran has her mind reeling again, afraid to be read.

“Yeah, we do,” he finally says, ending the conversation.

Only a few words are uttered the rest of the afternoon.

Momo resurfaces and curls beside Shinichi.

Momo’s purring is loud, but Ran’s shattering heart is louder.

Ran must not feel jealous. She is not a girlfriend.

Because she isn’t a girlfriend, he’s free to fall for and date anyone else. Who is she to gatekeep him? There are plenty of fish in the sea, and he’s one big catch. Ran believes she’s a big catch, too. With the way she loves dearly, her future boyfriend is going to be very lucky.

Her future boyfriend is not going to be him.

“...mber the required fieldwork in one of my majors I told you? We actually go by batches. The first batch did theirs last month. The second batch was last week… and I— Ran, are you listening?”

“Ah! Yes,” Ran notices they have already reached her station and are now walking two blocks to her apartment. “Your fieldwork, right?”

“...Yeah,” he carries on. “I’m in the last batch... This whole winter break.”

“I see, I understand.” She smiles, getting what he means. No Christmas or New Year’s Eve together. The first time since they’re four. It’s fine, honestly. If it’s a required activity, then there’s really no way to go about it. She isn’t going to lash out just because she can’t be with him in her most favorite time of the year.

“And Hattori-kun and Hakuba-kun will be with you?”

“Hattori did his last month. Hakuba is in the previous batch. I’ll be stuck with the girls.”

Ran’s heart momentarily squeezes. “Where will your fieldwork be?”

“In Akita.”

Her pupils constrict. “That far?”

“Yes... so to cut on expenses, Kaori-san offered her house for me and the others to stay while we’re there—”

Kaori. Again with the tall, beautiful, intelligent Kaori. She bets it’s amazing to spend the holidays doing what he loves and with Kaori beside her, snuggling with him by the fireplace in a romantic snowy night and she might even confess, and it’ll be a great catch for Shinichi, and he’ll return with a girlfriend, and—

“Kaori-san is lucky.” The words flow out of her mouth, unbridled.

Shinichi looks at her. “Lucky?”

Ran remains quiet and keeps walking. It’s dangerous to say anything. She only has one thing in her mind and she doesn’t want to say it out loud. She has no right.

“Ran, hey.”

She doesn’t stop walking.

“Ran.”

She ignores his call.

“Ran… you’re jealous.”

She stops walking.

“Excuse me?”

“...You’re jealous…” Shinichi repeats quietly.

A contrast to his calm tone, his irises beset hers in the cold twilight and Ran attempts to shield herself but her bag and umbrella are in the way. She thinks of turning away but her feet are frigid like icicles, and Shinichi steps closer.

For the third time, he declares, “You’re jealous.”

Hearing her thoughts echo through his words renders her speechless.

It seems to take a moment before Shinichi’s brow arches, lips curl up as his eyes refuse to stray, and she hears a faint exhale even, like he’s exasperated, and suddenly he’s smiling - or is he smirking? sneering? - and...and...

It stings, is her immediate reaction.

For the longest time, she’d wanted him to take a hint. But if she had known this was how he’d react, she’d rather live a life having him oblivious of her emotional struggle. Dealing with that is more tolerable than witnessing him gaze her down in blatant mockery. He sneers as though he’s about to crack a joke and move on and forget such a laughable matter. That’s the last form of acknowledgment she wants for her honest feelings.

Heartbreak and shame and pain build up in her chest like a volcano closing eruption. Water begins to cloud her vision. She clenches her fist tight on her umbrella and Shinichi notices, and he takes another step forward.

“Ran…?”

“I am not, and you’re a fool.”

In a span of a breath, she’s sprinting in the opposite direction, tracing the path where they have walked, ignoring the distant yells of her name behind her. She runs and runs, and as she runs farther, with her thoughts muddy and breath short and dry, she wonders if she may have overreacted.

If he’s done that on purpose, screw him. If not, screw her.

After all, they are merely friends and she has no logical reason to act this way.

“Stop... running... will you!”

She hears heavy footsteps close in. It takes all the energy Ran has to prevent herself from turning her body around but his strong grip overpowers her.

“Let me go!”

“Why are you running?!”

“I can’t...deal with you!”

“Why? Was I right?”

“Right or wrong, it doesn’t matter!”

“Why doesn’t it matter?”

“Because I am your best friend!”

On another occasion, she would’ve successfully jilted away and run farther, but Ran is floored when he yanks her into a one-armed hug, so floored she drops her umbrella to the snowy ground.

“Stop saying that!” he hisses in her ear, frustration apparent.

“What are you— Let me go!”

He hugs her tighter.

“If you don’t let go in three seconds, I will screa—”

“I am happy!”

Ran stops struggling, eyes widening in shock.

Icy huffs tickle her neck as he half shouts, “I’m happy you feel that way!”

“You’re...You’re happy because I’m suffering?”

“What? No! I—”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better? How?” The hurt in her tone is impeccable, prattling muffled against his chest as she spares him no moment to butt in. “You think I wanted to feel this? That I enjoy griping in helpless jealousy? And you’re rejoicing that I am? How full of yourself can you be?!”

“That’s not...You don’t underst—”

“I do understand! I understand that I am so incredibly stupid for catching this disgusting heap of emotions for an obnoxious, stuck-up deduction maniac that is my best friend and maybe it’s better after all that he never, ever sees me the way I see him!”

“Stop saying that, Ran!”

She thinks he has broken away, but he drags her back with an insistent tug, crashing his lips onto hers as she stumbles into his arms.

All willpower rippling through her disintegrates quickly like snow in high heat.

An impatient pop resonates as he separates, eyes slowly opening, breath thick and ragged.

“I know that is not how we explain things, but does that explain anything?”

She hears it. The madness. But more than madness, yearning bleeds through his voice so much that her frustration turns into physical pain. Blinded by an all-consuming ache, she tips her chin and presses her lips back against his, demanding for cure in the wrong place. Shinichi freezes, then relaxes. He moves his hand to her nape, four fingers in her hair, thumb treading her jaw.

They look like a scene in a movie.

Under his umbrella and hidden from view, they communicate through brushing lips and tilting heads. His mouth closing over hers with gentle force, her hands splaying across his chest, heavy with something that makes his heart pound under them.

She is so lost in the chase and his tender embrace that for a second she forgets she is kissing her best friend.

Best friend.

This doesn’t explain anything. It worsens it.

She pulls back, ending what she has so recklessly started. “N-no, I’m— No.”

She pushes him away, gathers the stuff she drops, and runs without looking back.

“Ran!”

He shouts her name. Twice.

On the third call, his footfalls die down. On the fourth, he stops running.

She doesn’t.

Thirty minutes before midnight, Ran stands outside his gate, boots buried half foot under the snow as she rings his intercom for the second time, thinking to herself how foolish she must be to cut communications with him for a week and then show up his doorstep looking miserable like a stood-up date.

It’s the start of winter break.

He’ll leave for Akita in ten hours.

She needs to give his Christmas present before his departure.

She’s crazy, pathetic, still frustrated, and hurtfully in love.

“Oi. You better have a good explanation for why you’re buzzing at goddamn midnig—”

“Shinichi.”

His surprised gasp is apparent even through the intercom. A rustle follows and with a croaky voice, he responds. “...Ran.”

Surely he isn’t expecting this. Not after the tantrum she threw days ago. He probably thinks she hates him more than ever. But what she truly feels is more overwhelming than all negative emotions combined, and may god grant her all the strength to address it all, tonight.

“May I come in?”

“The house is—The house is a mess I, um. I’m packing my stuff for...”

“I’ll help you.”

“...”

She’ll understand if he decides to turn her down. But the answer that follows the deafening pause is a low and quiet ‘Okay’.

Despite psyching herself hours before she came, courage wanes when he opens the front door and gate in his pullovers. She is welcomed in, and the trip up his room is wordless. Shinichi only talks when he points out that he’s already packed clothes for two days and will need help for two weeks’ worth. He lamely laughs when he instructs her to pick the tops and layers, and he’ll take care of the pants and underwear.

On a normal instance, she would’ve humored him and they would’ve been talking right after. Now she simply pulls an empty smile and then they fall back into silence.

She supposes he’s trying to act unbothered, to treat what happened a week ago as a one-and-done glitch in their friendship, never to be discussed again. She cannot fault him when she’s trying to do the same. But it’s not easy when in the stillness of the night the echo of their altercation howls, raging persistently in their ears.

What has he been thinking of for the past week?

Has he been kept up all night by the words she said and the words he left unspoken?

Are they still friends? Will they still be friends after this?

The kiss... What about the kiss?

So many questions. So little words. So little time.

Ran is seated on the floor, folding shirts and stuffing them neatly in his duffel bag. Her back faces Shinichi who is sorting out bottoms in his cabinet. She senses him sit on the floor, back against her but not touching. Neither dares to speak first.

A ringing phone cuts the silence.

“Mm, still awake. Good for two weeks right? Gotcha. No, I’ll meet you girls at the station, no need to fetch me. Pfft. I can walk. Ok, see you tomorrow.”

If Ran wasn’t so hyperaware of where she is and what she’s done, her mood would’ve shifted to the one she’d been trying to avoid. Now isn’t the time to think about that. Midnight sneaking out to go to his house is something she wouldn’t do even on good days. She scans her bag on the far couch, deliberately bringing a bigger one to hide his gift. Maybe she can just sneak it in his bag and leave once she’s done and he’ll discover it only when he’s prefectures away. Brown has always suited him, and he’ll definitely find the overcoat useful as spare protective gear.

That’s right. She always cares for him like this. She is his best friend first, and... and nothing second.

“Don’t just leave after putting your present in my bag. At this hour, I can’t let you walk home alone,” he says swiftly.

Ran’s eyes fly wide.

“How did you…”

He doesn’t say anything and continues with his business.

Again with the throat-drying silence.

Something in Ran’s gut compels her to speak, but she is surprised when he does first.

“I... I don’t like Kaori-san. If that’s what you’re thinking.”

Ran stiffens, pausing mid-motion from folding. “I’m not…”

He leans his back completely against her and she shudders, voice reverberating through her skin. “Ran, if you could just hear me out.”

Unable to talk and move, she does.

“Kaori-san and the rest... They know I love mysteries. They know I want to build my own private detective agency. They know my favorite Holmes’ story is The Sign of Four. They know how many crimes I solved in Tokyo. All the information about me which anyone can read from the internet and newspaper and from what I told them when they ask, they know. Ran, you know all that. All that and more.”

He angles his head to the ceiling as if he’s talking to someone there. Ran supports his weight, curling to her knees as she silently listens.

“You know of my first ever deduction because Christ, my first deduction was about you. You know of the two cases which haunt me until this day because I watched the culprit die in front of my very eyes. You were with me the nights I locked myself in here thinking about them. You know of the interesting, the boring, the absurd cases, everything, because I told you or you were there. You know of the odd way I play the violin while I ponder over a case. You know I forget to eat when swamped with new books to read. I have three copies of The Sign of Four but the one I keep beside my bed and read almost weekly is the one you gave me on my tenth birthday and that is all I need. You know me for me, Ran. Everything about me that is off the record, the good and the bad, you know all of those. Only you. The same way I do... about you.”

She feels him crane slightly to the side, addressing her.

“Ran.”

“Mm.”

“I love you.”

Ran’s heart almost completely stops beating.

“I love you,” he whispers, “more than I am even supposed to.”

All words seem to have fizzled out of her vocabulary as she sits still, stunned at what she’s hearing.

“I’m happy growing up with you, studying with you, bickering with you, acting stupid with you, investigating with you, eating with you, napping with you, hugging you, holding you, taking care of you, simply... being with you. Before I know it, it’s not the cases or Holmes or mysteries that complete my days, it’s you.

“For you to keep repeating that ‘best friend’ phrase, I…” He lowers his head.

“For who knows how long, I’ve loved you as that and more.”

Someone pinch her because in no way can this be real.

“I was happy thinking you’re jealous because it meant a sliver of chance you feel the same way. We could’ve remedied the misunderstanding easily, Ran. We could’ve talked it over like we always do. But I was stupid and emotions were high and in the end I… kissed you…” he takes another deep breath, “But—but you kissed me back, and my heart couldn’t stay still...”

Pulse drumming loud, Ran tilts her head on the side where he leans, wanting to see the slightest expression he makes as he continues.

“If my deductions are wrong and you’re mad for a different reason, and—and you returned that for a different reason...” she hears the pang of remorse in his tone, “then please forget I ever said anything and I’ll leave myself to die in humiliation once I’m out of your sight.”

He lays one palm flat on the floor and she notices.

“But if my deductions are right and you were indeed jealous, I...” She feels his head swivel enough to feel his warm breath fan across her cheek, before shifting back front and releasing a slow, guttural exhale he’s kept contained within.

“I’ll wait... until you accept it. Accept me.”

Ran may have choked on her throat for how long she’s held her breath.

In spite of herself, she knows she doesn’t need to think of what to say. She had it all in her head before coming here. Yet expressing it out loud is a different matter.

She isn’t ready, but when will she ever be ready? Shinichi undoubtedly isn’t too. Yet here he is, laying the groundwork for her, no holds barred and a stuttering mess at that. How she plans to build from it is the question she asks herself next.

Inhaling as though bracing herself, she places a hand beside him, pinky slightly grazing his.

“I didn’t... You never showed any signs.”

Careful and calm, he extends his little finger over hers. She doesn’t flinch, and both hands crawl closer until two fingers overlap.

“Either I’m a great pretender or you’re incredibly dense.”

“I’m...I’m not dense.”

“I’m a bad actor, then.” He slides his hand further.

“I was trying so hard to be a supportive best friend for you.”

“I sensed that but ignored it because I didn’t want to assume anything.”

“You did though. Now we’re here.”

“Would you rather we aren’t?”

“I would rather we spend the last weeks of this year talking like normal than being stupid idiots before you leave.”

“It’s just two weeks, Ran.”

“Two special weeks I would’ve wanted to spend with my best frien-... with you.”

Without knowing it, his hand has completely nestled atop hers, four fingers curled between her thumb and index finger.

“Ran... You must really hate the idea of falling in love with me.”

“Eh?”

“You’re so wrapped with the thought that we’re simply best friends that you hold your love in chains as though it isn’t permitted to grow.”

“I… I didn’t want to ruin the only connection we have-”

“Two friends falling in love are still friends… They are also more. You cannot ruin an indefeasible connection. Friendship and love may be the only bond we have, but they’re the most important bond of all.”

Ran falls quiet.

“Geez…”

He releases a thick sigh, brushes his thumb across her splayed fingers.

“I have shit art appreciation skills, but I can take you to museums too... as a friend and as a date.” A beat, and a mumble. “Even to better museums than Tokyo Metropolitan Art Museum.”

She darts her head sideways, realizing something.

“Were you also…?”

“No.”

Ran doesn’t suppress the heartfelt giggle that bubbles out.

“Shun-san has a boyfriend, Shinichi.”

“I—” he pauses. “I wasn’t asking.” Ran giggles more.

“Shinichi.”

“Yes.”

“I love you too.”

The hand above squishes hers all too suddenly like he’s been blown away and is needing something to hold onto.

“I came here to give your present and to apologize for being so shallow and for acting without thinking and for a lot of things actually... but now I feel there’s no need, because then I wouldn’t have...” She looks down at their intertwined hands.

Before she can return his squeeze, he recoils.

“Oh, y-you do apologize. Running away like that.” He coughs, and she can practically hear the tripping in his tone.

“Aren’t you already used to it? I’ve done it many times,” she chides.

“No. Apologize,” he insists. “And look at me while you do.”

Ran’s stomach twists, heart kicking up a step.

It’s easy to talk without eye contact, but to be requested so after confessions are exchanged—

“Face me, Ran.”

The familiar voice of yearning strums her heartstrings, tone sounding a lot like a plea than an order and Ran finds her head instinctively craning at an angle, hand coiling on the floor trying to calm her nervous beating heart. She feels him shift behind as well.

She takes all her time to face him, partly unsure what to do, partly knowing exactly what she wants to do. Despite the deliberate slowness of their movements, it is when they lock eyes that time truly seems to stop.

Shinichi appears so different, so soulful. His blue irises glimmering, fixated on nothing but her as she reveres him with matching intensity. The same guy she treats as her best friend looks at her with tender love in his eyes, darting down her lips and up like no best friend ever would.

“I love you,” he says, breathless. “Make me your boyfriend.”

A wave of emotion sweeps over her, heartbeat fluttering in overdrive as they huddle on the floor, bags and clothes and time forgotten.

“From best friend to... such a shift-”

“Nothing will be different.” He rests his forehead on hers, gaze of soft blue patient though more intimate now, knowing what they share is mutual. “We’ll still do what we do... With exclusive romantic commitment and sweet nothings that translate to ‘I love you’ in more ways than one.”

She attempts a jab on his chest but he catches her fist, soft but jesting beam all too apparent and she does but play along.

“What about when we fight?” she asks.

“Same. But...” he slides a thumb over her quiet lips, parting them slightly, “I can do this once we make up.”

“...Like right now?”

“Like right now.”

A genuine smile is the last thing she sees before delicate pair of lips lands on hers, capping their one-week fight and their last night of the year together in the best and most unexpected way imaginable.

Ran keeps telling herself she shouldn’t be jealous.

Not because they are simply best friends, because they aren’t. Not because life would be easier if she didn’t involve herself in his business twenty-four seven, because it wouldn’t.

Not because Shinichi doesn’t look at her that way, because he does.

She shouldn’t be jealous because she absolutely has no reason to, is all.

“I haven’t forgotten about your present. I was planning to buy yours in Akita.”

“Stop lying, you totally forgot it.”

“I didn’t. Stop that.” Half-mast eyes rake her side profile, and Ran covers a mirthful grin with her mitted hand holding the umbrella, then yawns. Hours of packing and talking and laughing left them with roughly four hours of sleep. It isn’t like she slept the whole period because while sleeping in his room isn’t new, cuddling while they sleep is. Ran couldn’t simply shut her eyes and heart to that.

“I believe though,” he wraps a hand around her free one, pocketing both of them in his brand new overcoat, “I gave half of my present already.”

“Hnn. That doesn’t count as a gift.” Her hand shifted, coddling his own to a warm fit.

“Really?” A smug smirk pulls up his face. “I believe I am a nice present, Ran. That’s why they—”

“Screw this. You are unbelievable. A humbug. Why do people like you.”

“I know. Why do you like me?” Shinichi laughs as he avoids the swing of her umbrella.

From afar, they see Kaori and the girls at the meet-up point outside Tokyo Station, though they seem unaware of their presence yet. Suddenly feeling conscious, Ran feels the urge to disentangle her hand, but Shinichi holds on, firm.

“Why?” He asks in a low voice.

“I dunno… maybe this isn’t the best time…”

“Isn’t now the best time?” His smile is proud and natural, not one ounce of reluctance visible.

Although she gets what he means, that doesn’t free her of shyness and guilt. Somehow she feels like apologizing to Kaori for… she doesn’t know. She just wants to. Letting her see them like this makes her think that she’s giving her an indirect slap on the face. Shinichi certainly won’t agree because ‘What’s with women and their logic?’, but still, whether or not it’s all in her head, Ran needs more time to prepare for this.

But to her surprise, Shinichi lets go of her hand. They are still a few feet from view when he steps in front of her and turns around. “Maah, fine, I get it,” he huffs, then smiles. “Then, just give me your umbrella.”

The moment she does, Shinichi closes their distance and dips his face onto hers. Ran is given no leeway to gasp as loving lips seal her quiet. It isn’t as long as what they shared a week ago, but the emotions are loaded and full, speaking fond thanks and temporary farewell.

She doesn’t realize she has closed her eyes until he separates, and she’s met with the most tender, most angelic expression he wears only on the rarest occasions. He’s saying without telling that her feelings are valid, she doesn’t have to worry, and he doesn’t have eyes for anyone but her. Somehow, the snow is the sea and fish are swarming around but neither cares because they have already caught each other.

“You don’t have to, silly.” Three layers of pink blanket Ran’s puffy cheeks.

“But I want to.” Grinning, Shinichi hands her back the umbrella. “You don’t like hand-holding. You don’t like being seen. Don’t you think that’s a great compromise?”

“Idiot, many people saw...”

“No, they didn’t!” Upping the duffel bag slung on his shoulder, he steps back and gives her one last goofy beam. “I’ll see you next year, Ran. I’ll call as often as I can.”

Wordlessly, Ran watches Shinichi’s back as he jogs to his waiting companions, who by then have already had their eyes pinned on the approaching figure.

“That is Shinichi-kun! ...And Mouri-san!”

“Ehhh!!?! You’re a thing!”

So much for being subtle, Ran flushes inwardly as she returns the wave the other girls are giving her. At that moment she really does feel immature for her past conduct. All of them are sweet. Even Kaori.

“I knew it Shinichi-kun! Mouri-san is sooo lucky, I’m so jealous!” Ran hears their banter and sees her jab his bicep before acknowledging her. “We’ll take care of him, Mouri-san!”

The Ran from one week ago would’ve had her heart crushed by such declaration, but now she’s nothing but pleased and the smile that forms across her lips is nothing but honest. “Make sure he doesn’t drag your group into a random dead body, Kaori-san!”

“Hey!” surfaces Shinichi’s shout amidst the mincing laughter of the group and the onlooking passers-by, and Ran bids her last wave before they enter the station.

Smiling to herself, Ran returns home, the lingering promise of his kiss committed to memory, knowing that she doesn’t have to get jealous because she has no reason to. Their indefeasible bond is all the assurance she needs.

#shinran #kiss prompts #fanfic #lmk anon(s) if you see this and if you do then yaaay #thank you for requesting!#and thank you for reading!#:')#I have a love-hate relationship with this fic #it's only supposed to be 4 scenes #oh well it is what it is lmao #it's ok ig since this is the last (awww) from the kiss prompts!#😌#I tried so hard with a jealous Ran haha #jealous fics are good reads but writing them is hard :O

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lyssismagical · 4 years

Text

coffee, rainbow pins, and middle school gossip

Parkner Week Day Seven: “13-year-olds are the meanest people in the world” / middle school / jealousy

Being a teacher hadn’t really been Peter’s plan for his career until he got to his senior year and he got his school-mandatory volunteer hours at the elementary public school and he loved how teaching made him feel.

He’s always loved kids. When he was twelve, he started babysitting for the other tenants in the building for much cheaper than any other babysitter, but enough to get the good pizza every couple weeks.

Later, he spent his summers as a Camp Counselor to make some money and to have something to do all summer, out of May’s hair and giving May a chance to save up money without having his mouth to feed.

He didn’t really think much about it until MJ asked him to start reading to children at the library with her. Apparently, she thinks she doesn’t have a soothing enough voice to read for hours on end, but he reads a lot out loud at school and during Academic Decathlon, and she says his voice is nice and he likes kids enough to hang out with them all day.

And now, as a twenty-four-year-old graduate, he’s got a job as a middle school substitute teacher. He wants to one day be a permanent teacher for a younger grade, but he’s happy being a teacher.

Until he finds out how cruel middle schoolers are.

He gets it, the Science teacher at the school is pretty good looking.

Mister Keener is a young, single guy who’s genuinely smart and passionate. He’s a few years older than Peter, and he’s objectively handsome, but Peter isn’t interested. (He’s totally interested, he can barely keep his eyes off the science teacher whenever he sees him in the Teacher’s Lounge, but that’s not anybody’s business.)

His students seem to have one goal in life. To get Peter and Mister Keener together.

“Have your kids been saying anything?” Peter asks. He watches Harley as he laughs, brewing a pot of coffee. “I was subbing for the phys-ed class and they wouldn’t stop.”

“Yeah, I hear about Mister Parker more than anything these days.”

Harley grabs two mugs from the cupboard above the coffee machine and pours them both a coffee, adding the number of creams and sugar to Peter’s that he likes which makes Peter feel incredibly warm and giddy, and then he sits down across from Peter, passing him his coffee.

“I know! Angela, you know her, I think she’s in your science class period two, she literally talked you up to me for the entire hour yesterday. I tried to tell her that it wasn’t appropriate to talk about it with me, but she wouldn’t listen.”

The science teacher laughs again, bright and warm. “Yeah, she went on and on about you. Apparently, you’re really smart when it comes to English.”

“That’s thanks to my friend, MJ, she was really good at English and reading, and she kinda got me into a lot of it. We still have biweekly book clubs.”

“I’m not super into reading, but my little sister is. I-”

The door to the Teacher’s Lounge is pushed open, with a few knocks. It’s not a teacher who stands there though.

“Harry!” Peter exclaims, shooting out of his chair. He races over to throw himself into Harry’s awaiting arms with a squeal. “I thought you weren’t coming to visit for another couple weeks!”

“I’ve got a long weekend off and figured I couldn’t wait to come see you,” Harry explains quickly, arms tight around Peter’s waist.

There’s an awkward cough from behind them that has Peter spinning around, pulling Harry with him back to his table.

“Harry, this is Harley Keener, the science teacher here. Harley, this is an old friend of mine, Harry Osborn. He’s getting his masters abroad so he can’t visit very often.”

The teacher stretches out a hand to shake Harry’s, offering a polite smile with a murmured nice to meet you before he’s draining the rest of his coffee and standing.

“I should be getting back to class early to set up for the lab. I’ll see you later,” Harley says, offering one last smile before he’s out of the teacher’s lounge.

As soon as he’s gone, Harry leans in closer. “Is he the guy you’ve been crushing on these past couple months?”

“He’s the guy who our students have been harassing me about for the last couple months,” Peter corrects before he admits, “Yeah, I’ve totally been crushing on him. He’s so nice and smart and hot. Can you blame me?”

“You should go for it.”

Peter rolls his eyes, sitting down at the table and gesturing for Harry to sit down with him. “I don’t even know if he’s into guys, or if he has a rule against dating coworkers, or if he’s taken.”

“One, I can’t believe you didn’t notice the rainbow pin on his bag. Two, this isn’t going to be your job much longer. You’re going to get that teaching position at the elementary school. And three, he wouldn’t be staring at you like that if he was taken.”

“Have you met me, Osborn? I don’t have the guts to ask him out.”

Harry rolls his eyes right back. “Have it your way and lose your chances with the greatest looking guy in all of Manhattan, second only to you.”

“Shut up,” Peter says with no heat to his words. “We’ll see.”

* Harley’s acting weird the next couple days.

He doesn’t say as much, and he’s downright pouty for most of their lunches together, frowning down at his food whenever Peter rambles about anything.

Harry starts picking him up from the school, so they no longer have that half hour window to chat while Peter waits for the bus. And Peter catches Harley practically glaring when Peter slides into Harry’s convertible.

After a week of these strange interactions, Peter finally caves and pulls one of his students aside after class.

“I know I really shouldn’t be asking you, but has Mister Keener said anything about me lately.”

Katie grins mischievously, beckoning a few of her friends over. “Why? You want him to be talking about you?”

Liam and Emily giggle, leaning into each other behind Katie.

“No!” Peter gasps, shaking his head quickly. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“He was acting pretty weird last week,” Aryssa pipes up shyly from where she’s still sitting at her desk. “Quiet, graded our test pretty harshly. He gave a couple people detentions when they wouldn’t stop talking about you.”

“Really? And he didn’t say why he was acting weird?”

Liam rolls his eyes. “No, why would he tell his students why he was acting weird? Most of the time, teachers don’t talk this candidly with their students.”

“Well, I’m not going to be teaching here much longer hopefully. And I’m a substitute.” It doesn’t entirely justify it, but the students seem more excited than annoyed by him talking about his private life. It’s what they’ve been asking him to do for months anyway.

The bell rings, making Peter jump. “Okay, dismissed, get to class. Don’t tell him I asked you about him.”

Katie and Emily snicker, looping their arms together before racing out the door.

Peter knows he won’t be able to trust them.

It still surprises him when Harley stops him in the hallway after the school’s cleared out at the end of the day.

“So, I heard some interesting gossip,” Harley starts.

“Did you?”

Harley laughs, bag swaying at his side. Peter takes note of the rainbow pin. “Katie, Liam, and Emily told me you were asking about me. Asked them if I’d been talking about you.”

“Thirteen-year-olds are the meanest people in the world, I swear… It’s just- you’ve been acting weird lately. Like I did something wrong. I was concerned.”

Harley sighs and he sinks to the floor, leaning against the lockers. Peter hesitates before sliding to the ground beside him, shoulders knocking.

“Can I be honest?” Harley asks, frowning down at his hands. “I really like you, but I get it, you’re taken, I’m not going to be upset about that, I just got a little bit jealous of him.”

“Of who? I’m not-” Peter blows out a breath. “Harry.”

Harley’s eyes go wide, sad. “I’m not mad at you and I really do want to stay friends, and I wouldn’t mind getting to know him better too-”

“I’m not with Harry!” His voice comes out shaky and too loud. “I mean, we did date once, like forever ago, back in high school, but we decided we were better off as friends, and that’s all we are now. I liked you, but I didn’t think you were into me, especially after last week.”

Harley lets out a laugh verging on hysterical. “I’m so sorry. I saw you with Harry, and I just jumped to conclusions. But if you haven’t been totally turned away by my jealousy, I’d love to take you out for coffee?”

“I’d love that, yeah. Harry’s picking me up if you wanna take up the offer of getting to know my best friend a little better? We could get coffee the three of us while he’s still in town, and then we could get dinner, just the two of us, on the weekend?”

“Sounds like a fantastic plan.”

Taglist:@littlemissagrafina @spidey-reids-2003 @romeoandjulietyouwish @c-artara @shadedrose01 @likeaphoenix13 @pj-hermes-tonystark-obsessed @you-get-killed-walk-it-off @kitkatwinchester @emo-girl10 @justme--emily @hold-our-destiny @imalivebecauseirondad @spiderman-peterman @dykeragee @maryserrao @heeeyitskay @parknerandirondad {Let me know if you wanna be added or removed}

#lyss writes #parkner week 2020 #parkner #parkner fic #harley keener #peter parker #harry osborn #parksborn #but like not really #i want y'all to know this was originally a flash crossover

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the-phoenix-heart · 3 years

Note

How would you sort the cast from Miraculous Ladybug ?

(I was gonna hold off on posting this until I was absolutely certain about the sorting, because sorting this show is like pulling teeth. But then last night I had a dream about Lila trying to ruin Marinette’s birthday with the usual lesbian subtext you would expect from two girls who hate each other and when I woke I had this second ask in my inbox so I figure the universe is tryna tell me something)

This is a hard one. There are some things we have to consider with Miraculous Ladybug. (warning this gets long)

1. It’s inconsistent with its characters on a good day.

2. The creators are very much pushing an unhealthy-keep the peace and be nice to everyone including bullies and toxic people because they are people to-Badger primary narrative.

3. While it’s not unhealthy like the primary, the show also pushes a Badger secondary narrative. They like their Badger secondaries and what show wants to teach is that Pure Badgers are the best sorting possible.

So it becomes hard to see what is an actual character moment, and what’s the creators using a character as a mouthpiece. Marinette gets fucked over by this because the show deliberately has her do things wrong so they can enforce lessons. This is especially hard with Adrien because he is the show’s golden boy favorite which means he does everything right and almost always spouts out the lesson of the day. It’s safe to say that if Marinette and Adrien aren’t already Badgers they have badger primary models. Adrien because showrunners, Marinette because Adrien’s peddling it to her.

(I wanna make it very clear that I’m not insulting Badger primaries in this post, but unhealthy Badger primaries where bad people get away with bad things just because they are people)

So MARINETTE DUPAIN-CHENG/LADYBUG...I think she’s a burnt Bird. She can’t be naturally a Badger because she has to constantly be told by people to act like a Badger. Give Chloe a million chances even if she bullied you for years and is horrible to everyone around her and has no desire to change. Don’t expose Lila for being a liar who gives out false promises and also wants to destroy Ladybug and teams up with Hawkmoth.

It also explains her unhealthy Snake primary she has for Adrien. A lot of the time her motivation, her why, will be because Adrien! Why does she get Adrien to come with them on the trip to New York? Because if not he’ll be left alone with Lila and she’s jealous! And also I guess because Adrien should get to do fun things. Why did she choose Adrien to be Aspik? Because she’s in love with him and he’s perfect! But that’s not her, it doesn’t work for her. Part of that is the world telling her if she ever tries to pursue Adrien it’ll backfire in her face, but also it’s not natural for her. She fell for Adrien and because her primary is burnt she placed meaning in him, building a Snake primary for him-and then a drowned Badger primary model once he started lecturing her about it.

And yes I do think her Badger primary model is drowned. She gives her all to everything, and is always convinced that doing anything seemingly selfish is bad (which is weird because the narrative also has Alya constantly trying to convince her to be selfish and date Adrien). She won’t let herself confess to Adrien because that will literally lead to the end of the world. She also gives up trying to pursue Adrien because she wants him to be happy with Kagami. She gives up a job opportunity to help save Paris (which was the right choice but doesn’t disprove my point). She is told by Mme. Bustier that she has to be an example and that she has to stay calm and keep the peace and give everything for other people. She is slowly over the series starting to drown.

Now admittedly she could be a burnt Lion originally, we don’t ever see her before her burning. But, the reason why I say Bird is because she seems more eager for people to tell her what is right and what is wrong. What is true? Burnt Lions, I can say from experience, don’t like as much to be told what is right and wrong. They want to know of course, but there will be a part of them that is unhappy and when they are told by other people they’ll be more sad about it if it doesn’t gel with their gut. It’ll just be another reason why they’re wrong and they’ll stay burnt longer. On the other hand, Marinette is eager to be told what is true from people, she wants to know and when people tell her she takes it in and immediately follows it. I say she’s a burnt bird because she doesn’t trust herself to make the right decision unless it’s black and white, akuma v. hero. The snap judgements she makes are because she’s burnt and therefore she flounders when unable to ask what she should do and just does because if she thinks she’ll come to the wrong decision. So impulsive decision time. (Miraculous Ladybug is a really depressing show if you think of Marinette as a real person)

Or she’s a burnt Lion and I just went on a tangent for no reason.

Now you’d think think that sorting out her secondary would be easier, but NO. The only thing easy about her secondary is that she is definitely not a Lion secondary.

Now she definitely has a two models. One of her models is a Badger obviously. She takes on projects and works herself to death. She also takes on a caring role usually and works as a leader. She manages to charm people almost instantly and then she has them on her side for basically forever. I only say this is a model because her plans never really include other people or calling in favors.

But now I have to decided if she is a rapid fire Bird or a Snake originally and which one is her model. I wanna say that she’s a Snake originally. Her plans are usually incredibly under the fly. She’ll just look around the area, see what she has to work with, and then immediately have the plan. It’s not usually based off of prior knowledge (although that happens a fair amount to). She also does things like steal phones and bicycles a fair amount (classic Snake traits) and has on more than one occasion lied her way out of a situation.

Now her Bird model is not unimportant. I say she isn’t originally a bird because she never has a back up plan. Plan A fails and she has to freak out for a bit before she makes a new plan on the fly. Her bird model is something she used to play with before she became a hero I think. She gained many skills in the art world-especially fashion-, baking, gaming, etc. just for the fun of it. Then she became a hero and used that planning skill to good work. How do I defeat the akuma and convince Chat Noir that I’m not Marinette? Obviously I’ll shrink myself down into many versions of me wearing all the miraculouses so I can climb in the kwamis’ mouths, take Chat Noir’s ring from him, get sucked into the kwami pack so I can break it from the inside with the Cat miraculous, then I’ll make an illusion of me as Ladybug getting the akuma and me as Multimouse taking off my miraculous because I’m just such a goof and then when Chat leaves I’ll capture the real akuma and transform back.

Compare that to Chat’s plan of, say the school is a elementary school.

But honestly it could go either way.

Adrien is much easier to sort compared to Marinette’s spastic characterization.

ADRIEN AGRESTE/CHAT NOIR has a strong Badger primary model, which is hilarious because he sucks at it. The boy is actually a Snake primary just like his father (he ALSO has an unhealthy primary but we’ll get to that). Lila lying to his class-his community-and giving them empty promises? He doesn’t care, he wants to keep the peace! He’s gonna be nice to her and try to sway her the side of good from the sidelines-wait what’s this? Lila made his friend Kagami jealous which caused her to be akumatized and also tried to get Ladybug killed? What an outrage! He’s not gonna try to be friends with her anymore! Wait, Lila got Marinette expelled through bullshit?! How dare she! Now he’s going to force her to take it all back so Marinette can be happy!

He doesn’t get upset when his community is threatened, he only gets mad when his people are threatened. In Chat Blanc he is forced to choose between killing his father or killing Ladybug (who is his girlfriend because it’s another timeline), which is a classic Snake problem. Chat doesn’t think about how if he kills his father instead he’ll save all of Paris, he just can’t decide and ends up destroying the world with his indecision. “Our love [destroyed the world]” he says to Ladybug. That’s very Snake primary and seems to me like an unhealthy Snake primary. His dream is to move away to an island alone with Ladybug, which says something about the differences between them. Marinette’s dream is have a large family with Adrien.

His secondary is harder because I can’t tell if he has a Badger secondary or a Lion secondary. The thing is the way the shows treats the different identities is that Ladybug and Adrien are the masks for Marinette and Chat (I did not do this for Marinette though). That means that a more accurate reading for Adrien’s sorting should theoretically be looking at Chat. Chat definitely has a Lion secondary. His first instinct is always attack first attack attack attack. Most of the time the reason the battle drags on is because Chat is jumping in too soon. When he doesn’t jump in it’s because he’s pissed at Ladybug for rejecting him. Also, the one time we see him do a plan, the plan is dress up in a makeshift suit and attack the enemy.

But he definitely has a Badger secondary model. How will he make Lila stop antagonizing Marinette? He’ll act like he’s her friend and let her model with him. How does he try to impress his father, by taking a bunch of classes and modelling for him. It’s a model though, one I think he built after his mother “disappeared” to try and cheer up his father.

I know you probably wanted more so rapid fire:

ALYA CESAIRE is a Lion primary who makes impulsive decisions and only doesn’t when the plot needs her to. She’s got an immature Bird secondary as well, immature as in she gains a piece of information and her Lion primary then makes her go crazy over it.

CHLOE BOURGEOIS is snake primary who cares about herself and those closest to her until she doesn’t, and a Lion secondary who charges in because she’s stupid with a shitty Snake secondary model she adopted from her parents.

GABRIEL AGRESTE/HAWKMOTH is a Snake primary who cares only about his wife, sometimes Natalie, and sometimes Adrien. Also a Bird secondary who makes big elaborate plans that always fail.

NATALIE SANCOEUR/MAYURA is a Snake primary who does things for Adrien and Gabriel because she loves them, and another Bird secondary who has a very nice skillset and and helps Gabriel with his plans. She does also have a Badger secondary because she works very hard and uses herself as a weapon, but it’s not her go to.

(yes I know I didn’t sort Nino or Lila, but Nino is practically a non-character and Lila might have a Lion primary and I don’t wanna have to put much more thought into this post. Maybe later)

so...

Marinette Dupain-Cheng/Ladybug - Burnt Bird primary (maybe burnt Lion) with a drowned Badger model and an unhealthy Snake model for Adrien/Snake secondary with a Bird model (possibly switched) and a (possibly unhealthy) Badger model

Adrien Agreste/Chat Noir - Snake primary/Lion Secondary, double Badger model

Alya Cesaire - Lion primary/immature Bird secondary

Gabriel Agreste/Hawkmoth - Snake primary/Bird secondary

Natalie Sancoeur/Mayura - Snake primary/Bird secondary, Badger secondary model

Chloe Bourgeois - Snake primary/Lion secondary

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ms-demeanor · 4 years

Note

After reading your "ultra-long postivity post", now I have kind of a weird feeling because i relate a lot to pretty much everything you said, but i ended up approaching the "not everyone can x" from the opposite side, being the "gifted kid" teachers used to hold everyone to unrealistic standards (that i knew most couldnt achieve in the given timeframes), and now i get frustrated when i dont develop skills immediately, because i have done it before and feel like i should be able to and aaaaaaaaaa

Funny story: when I was a kid my parents had both my sister and I tested for learning and developmental disabilities. This testing included IQ testing.

It identified that we were both “gifted” kids* and that I’m dyslexic.

It totally missed my ADHD, though!

The problem with that is that my parents. Hm.

Okay my parents both grew up in very poor families. VERY poor. And they both wanted to go to college and knew the only way that they could was through scholarships. So they became debaters. They met at a tournament in high school.

Debaters are weird. You need an efficient working memory and strong recall and the ability to think quickly on your feet. Being witty and kind of an asshole are also good traits for debaters. Basically you’ve either gotta be really fuck-off smart to be a competitive debater or you’ve gotta at least *seem* really fuck-off smart.

And my parents were champion debaters at a national level. The Whittier College debate trophy has my mom’s name written directly under Richard goddamn Nixon. My dad was on the USC debate team and competed against Harvard and won. Not only that but he ended up coaching debate for USC and Cal Tech.

So as kids who grew up in extremely poor families and were able to go to college and get middle-class jobs and buy a house because of intellectual ability my parents placed A LOT of importance on intellectual ability.

So that IQ score became a large part of my life.

First we attacked the dyslexia. The approach was basically teaching me a bunch of sight words because sounding out phonics doesn’t work when the letters get screwed up. And because I was *gifted* we did a lot of really BIG sight words.

It took about six months to get me up to speed from “memorizing the pages of a story to match the pictures because I couldn’t read along in class” to “the first book I read on my own was The Hobbit.” I guess that counted as “cured” because that was the last time I got any kind of educational assistance.

At that time I was at a gifted school, a really tiny private school that was also an after-school daycare where we did full-day classes and then did gymnastics and swim from 3-6pm. I also was there over the summer because my parents worked.

So going from “tiny private school where the teacher has you stand up in class to read your failing grade in front of everyone so that she could shame you into performing better” to “fine public school in a suburb wealthy enough to have arts programs” was a major, major change. They did an aptitude test because I was transferring in from a different district and there was much discussion about whether or not to move me directly from the second to the sixth grade.

The district refused, thank fuck.

The public elementary school didn’t *have* a gifted program so it took very little time for me to become the Certified Weird Kid. My third grade teacher had me read aloud to our class for twenty minutes a day. I taught the class the multiplication table.

When it got to be time to go to the junior high school my mom went to a meeting for the school’s gifted kids program. APPARENTLY one of the kid’s dad’s basically said “I don’t understand why you’re wasting school funds on field trips for the stupid kids, the school should spend more of its resources on kids who have a chance of actually meaning something to the world” and my mom decided that while being gifted was important it was less important than making sure I wasn’t exposed to assholes of that caliber on a regular basis.

(thanks mom, I actually do really appreciate that reprieve)

Several teachers pushed me into advanced classes - my math teacher insisted that I take the advanced algebra classes in the seventh and eighth grade.

The GATE kids *WERE* assholes and were extra bonus special assholes to me because math was the only advanced class that I was in. (At my junior high school you had to pick your elective based on what level of classes you were in - to take the GATE classes you HAD to take a music elective; if you took art, drama, shop, or home ec you couldn’t take the smart kid classes. The algebra class was a new, separate addition to the program so *some* of the kids in the “electives for dropouts” program could take algebra. Schools are really fucked up, guys, in case you didn’t know schools are really fucked up and that was BEFORE No Child Left Behind).

I got a C in that algebra class and sat in my room for literally an hour screaming at myself for being such a selfish, distracted idiot that I let myself read my books instead of studying harder for the class. (clearly very healthy, normal twelve-year-old behavior)

When it was time to go to high school my teachers made a united plea to the district to transfer me into honors/IB/AP classes.

The kids in the honors/IB/AP classes continued to be kind of awful to me. I got extremely depressed and basically started doing the lazy-but-brilliant thing of completely ignoring homework or in-class work but performing spectacularly well on tests or essays in the classes that I wasn’t catastrophically failing

I was the only person at the school who got a perfect score on the vocab part of my SAT. I was the only honors kid who hadn’t been in SAT prep classes. There was only one other kid who graduated with the same number of units as I had, we’d outstripped the valedictorian and salutatorian but three classes each. I only applied to one college - I got accepted for painting but my interviewer urged me to move to the writing program and I got accepted for that too.

My financial aid didn’t come through and my dad wasn’t willing to cosign for loans on “an art program at a trade school.”

I got accepted to Pratt Institute on their Writing for Publication track which included an internship with the New York Times for third-year students in the program.

At that point I had a Columbia Scholastic Press award for my work on my high school yearbook.

Let me tell you, the community college that I went to and spent five years variously failing and succeeding at had a fucking *killer* newspaper and magazine when I was there. The local community newspaper that hired me when I was 21 was also much better designed and edited than it had any right to be for the three years I worked there (getting paid a whole eight dollars an hour and sometimes working 20 hours straight to get it in to the printer on time).

When I transferred to the state school I got perfect grades and worked full time and won every contest offered by the school’s English Honors society (which I couldn’t join because I was a transfer student and hadn’t done honors classes my freshman and sophomore years). I started a literary magazine with some friends when I graduated; we published four full issues online before it fell apart.

You know what’s also funny?

Even the food-service job I had to pay my way though the community college I felt terrible about attending was a skills test. I was a barista, so of course for a while I was a competitive barista.

I disappointed my parents a lot. I heard a lot of “we know you’re better than this.” I got told I was too smart to be screwing up this bad. I mentioned it a couple weeks ago but my results from that IQ test got compared to my sister’s and that was the justification for holding me to a higher standard. “You’re measurably brilliant, why aren’t you acting like it?”

Here lies the corpse of a gifted kid. Look on my works ye might and despair.

I am the perfect picture of a twice exceptional gifted kid and the reason I wrote all of this out is to tell you one thing:

“Gifted Kid” is a label that someone applied to you, it has nothing to do with who and what you ARE.

It’s very, very unfair that the adults in your life used you that way. I have an exceptionally terrible memory of being singled out as the only one who passed the first test in my IB World History class; “Why is Alli the only one of all of you who is writing at grade level? You’re supposed to be the smartest kids in the school, why did you all fail?”

That’s awful for the kids around you, that’s awful for you. It doesn’t do anybody any favors if people around you are being informed that you’re setting the curve they’ll be judged against. And it really, really doesn’t do YOU any favors because it doesn’t take long *at all* for your brain to learn that that’s all you’re good for. If you aren’t the best at a thing then what’s the point, you HAVE to be best because they already SAID you were best and if you aren’t then all these other people hate you for setting a standard that even you can’t keep up with.

You end up competing with past versions of yourself and focusing on those things that make the grownups in your life praise you because the grownups in your life has praised you in such a way that it’s turned all the other kids against you.

You know who bullied the fuck out of me? The kids I taught the times tables to, the kids I read to for half an hour a day.

Those kids were MEAN to me but the teacher who told me to read Boxcar Kids to the class after lunch everyday was NICE and she told me not to worry, they were just jealous and I should be proud of my gifts.

“Anon did this in three minutes. What’s taking the rest of you so long?” - what a terrible weight to put on a child. You’re right. Not everyone can do everything.

Fucking hell.

Adults what the everloving shit is wrong with us? Please don’t treat kids like that.

Okay.

But here’s the other thing:

If there’s any time in your life that it’s easy to acquire skills with no apparent effort it’s when you’re a child surrounded by a support system that is engaged in making sure that you can acquire those skills.

It took three adults, two dictionaries, and several hours a day to teach me enough sight-words to throw me into “look at baby genius*” territory but from my perspective as a little kid I was just reading cool stories.

I spent four hours a day in the yearbook room and ditched and failed other classes so that I could work on the yearbook. I collected hundreds of magazines to get an eye for layout. But from my perspective as a teenager it was a fun activity that I did with the closest thing I had to friends.

I’m sure that there are some skills that you had a natural aptitude for, some things that came naturally. But I’m also sure that you didn’t learn those skills with no effort, it’s just that now as an adult with a life and other shit going on it takes more effort to learn to do things.

In all likelihood you weren’t a savant who did everything perfectly the first time you tried. It just seems that way because even really smart kids don’t know when they’re bad at things and are mostly being compared against other kids (with the few rare exceptions of music prodigies or math prodigies or those kids who end up in science grad programs at 12 and boy howdy do I think there’s a whole other can of worms when it comes to the way child prodigies* interact with the world).

You wanna know what probably saved my life in the last few years?

That “anti-capitalist love notes” tumblr post.

You are worth more than your productivity.

I was actually kind of offended the first time I saw that post on my dash. “No I’m not,” I thought. “You’re only worth what you can do, everyone knows that. People care about what you do for them.”

And why the hell would I think anything else? That’s what I’d learned for pretty much my whole life.

It took me a really long time to understand that I was wrong. I matter outside of what I can do for people or how well I perform. I matter more than being able to perfectly recite poetry from memory or do calculations on command or sit down at a piano and play a piece I’ve never played by sight-reading it.

And you matter outside of that too. You’re more than your performance, you’re better than being gifted. There are people who love you for the way you make them laugh and how you listen to their stories and for the simple joy of your presence.

It’s nice to be clever, it’s handy in a lot of situations even if it does come with a lot of baggage for some people.

But god damn, it’s important to be kind.

* Personally I have issues with the way that society constructs the concepts of giftedness, genius, and prodigies. There are a lot of “gifted” kids who were the kids who scored in the top 5% of their class in school but there are also gifted kids who were doing high-level math or reading novels as toddlers; there are prodigies who showed an aptitude for music young and who were then schooled in that instrument to the exclusion of all other activities (and I bet there are a fair number of kids who might be considered prodigies if they were trained to play flute for nine hours a day and didn’t have friends but thankfully we don’t *do* that to very many people - side note, ask me my opinion about olympic athletes some time). Words like “genius” and “gifted” are very nearly meaningless and almost *never* accurately reflect skills proficiency or long-term success or are reflected in income or respect. People think that geniuses are hypercompetent robots with their shit together but literally every adult I know with a genius-level IQ is some variety or other of total fucking tire fire.

#congratulations you have unlocked level two of my tragic backstory #long post

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sachigram · 4 years

Text

Truss chapter 2

((click here to read on ao3!))

Izaya never paid much attention to the whole “soulmate” thing. Throughout his life, he never cared about romance or relationships of any kind. His only friendship was against his will, and really, he just got bored of telling Shinra to fuck off after a while.

“I think you have selective hearing, Shinra,” Izaya said. The two of them were in the biology room, and Shinra had once again dismissed Izaya's tone of indifference. Shinra merely smiled widely at Izaya, his eyes crinkling in the corners.

“Maybe! Why would I want to hear all the mean stuff you say, anyway?” Shinra asked, and Izaya huffed.

“If you can hear that I'm being mean to you, you should pay attention.”

“Nah. It's not like you mean most of it.”

Izaya glared at the other boy for a moment. He never liked when Shinra pretended to know Izaya better than Izaya knew himself.

“How's your zombie girlfriend?” Izaya asked. He knew that would knock Shinra off his smug little pedestal. Celty kept rejecting all of Shinra's advances, which wasn't surprising, seeing as how Shinra was only in middle school.

“She keeps saying my soulmate is out there somewhere,” Shinra said woefully. He told Izaya a while ago that his mark was on his back, and Celty didn't have one. “She refuses to see me as anything other than a friend.”

“Mm. Sucks to be you,” Izaya said, pleased when Shinra wailed woefully.

“You're lucky, Izaya-kun! No mark! You can make your own decision. I wish I didn't have one.” Shinra wilted, a common occurrence when Celty was mentioned.

“Id make my own decision anyway,” Izaya said. “Being mated to someone sounds so boring. People put way too much stock into it. Some girl was crying earlier in class, did you see her? Apparently some guy she's in love with doesn't match her. Why care about it at all?”

“There's not an ounce of humility in you, is there?” Shinra asked, but he was smiling. He liked that about Izaya, and Izaya knew it. “Have some compassion! Just because you don't have a mark doesn't mean you don't have a mate, anyway. They'll just be harder to find.”

“I can't see myself ever looking for them, anyway.”

“Yeah, you don't really have any desire to meet new people. Oh, hey! I really wanna introduce you to my other friend! He's been really reluctant about it, too, but I think you two would get along really well!”

“I told you no already,” Izaya muttered. “You should respect your other friend's wishes.”

“Well,” Shinra said, unbothered. “You'll meet him eventually anyway. I'll make sure of it.”

***

Izaya wakes to the soft light of morning, and he hums in acknowledgment when he feels Shizuo's tongue on his neck. Shizuo is spooning him, his entire body almost rolled over Izaya's. Their need to touch hasn't waned in the least, and Izaya doesn't think it ever will.

“You're up early,” Izaya murmurs, enjoying the way Shizuo feels against him.

“You were dreaming,” Shizuo says. His hand lifts to move under Izaya's shirt, which is actually Shizuo's shirt. Izaya has taken to wearing them to bed. “Something about Shinra.”

“A bad dream, then,” Izaya says, gasping when Shizuo pinches his nipple. Sometimes they share dreams, other times they can see what the other is dreaming. Their bond keeps getting stronger no matter what Izaya does. It feels less and less like a choice every day.

“Was Shinra really your first kiss?” Shizuo asks, and Izaya grins, feeling the jealousy radiating off Shizuo.

That day in the biology room, after they argued a while about soulmates, Shinra begged Izaya to kiss him. Something about proving Shinra didn't have to abide by his mark; Izaya stopped listening to the reasons after Shinra wouldn't shut up. They shared a few chaste kisses, and after that day, it never happened again.

“Yes. He was persistent about it,” Izaya says, and Shizuo growls behind him.

“That little weasel. He never told me.”

“Why would he? We were just kids, Shizu-chan. We didn't even use tongue.”

“You liked each other, though,” Shizuo mutters, and he hugs Izaya to himself. “I could tell.”

“Don't spy on my dreams,” Izaya says, and he laughs when Shizuo forces him to roll over so they're facing each other.

“Like I'm trying to!” Shizuo snaps, glowering at Izaya. “Don't say 'spy', it makes me sound creepy.”

“It's pretty cute you're getting jealous about Shinra of all people,” Izaya says. “I already told you that you were my first. I didn't think earlier kisses mattered.”

“It's just that it was Shinra. We see him all the time!” Shizuo argues.

“And he's head over heels for Celty. Besides, I'm bound to you, anyway. We're incapable of being away from each other, Shizu-chan.”

It's true, and they both know it. Even when they're angry at each other, which happens a lot, they can't be apart for more than a day. When Shizuo is gone, Izaya can't eat, can't sleep, can barely function at all even before the sickness sets in. And then, when the headache comes, they have to find each other. Sometimes they'll curl up together and keep arguing, though it loses meaning when they're tangled from head to toe.

“I've been thinking we should try to train our bond,” Shizuo says. It's not the first time he's said it, but Izaya still doesn't like hearing it.

“Why?”

“Because we're bound together? Because...ugh! Because, Izaya! Wouldn't it be better to know how to work it rather than just seeing bits of each other at random?” Shizuo is frustrated, and even if Izaya wasn't looking at him, wasn't anywhere near him, Izaya would still know. It's radiating from Shizuo in waves. “Why are you still being stubborn about it?”

Jaw set, Izaya rolls away from Shizuo, and then out of bed. He can feel Shizuo wants him back, but that's nothing new. If up to their bond, they'd always be touching, always together. Izaya isn't ready for that, and he can't accept that Shizuo is. They're both separate people, independent people—

“Izaya,” Shizuo says. His voice doesn't sound angry anymore, which is actually worse somehow. “We aren't separate people. I know it's hard, but...”

“You don't know anything!” Izaya hisses, tearing Shizuo's shirt off himself like it's burning him. “You're just so ready to succumb to this stupid thing, but I'm not, okay?”

“Why are you so mad?” Shizuo asks, which is hilarious, coming from him. “I thought we were past this.”

“Past what?”

“You being an asshole about this!” Shizuo says, throwing his hands up. “For fuck's sake, Izaya, we sleep together almost every night, we argue a lot less, I told you I'm in love with you— What else do you want from me?!”

Izaya dresses hurriedly, refusing to look at Shizuo. He ignores the parts of himself that are screaming for him to return to the bed and seek refuge in Shizuo's arms. He can't, he won't, he doesn't want this!

“I want you to mean it,” Izaya mutters, and he leaves the apartment before Shizuo can follow him, though he knows Shizuo will follow him through their bond whether they're together physically or not.

***

The first time Izaya heard of a soul bond, he was intrigued.

He was in elementary school, listening to the teacher with rapt attention. He knew of soulmates already, and he wasn't really interested in them, but this was something else. The teacher was describing two people who literally couldn't be apart without suffering because of it. Some of the girls in class looked starry eyed, and Izaya heard one of them whisper to her friend that she hoped she was lucky enough to be bound to someone. Some of the boys looked just as awestruck, but Izaya was interested for a different reason.

He raised his hand.

“Yes, Orihara-kun?” The teacher asked. Many heads turned towards Izaya. “You have a question about soul bonds?”

“It seems cruel to me,” Izaya said. Silence greeted his statement, but he was used to that.

“It does? How so?” The teacher asked. She always tried to be patient with him, but he could tell he scared her. He often scared a lot of people without meaning to.

“Because they can never be away from each other. What if they weren't really in love? What if there was no desire to be together, but their bodies forced them? It's like a drug addiction, isn't it?”

There was a rustling around him, the fidgeting bodies of his classmates. Another familiar sound.

“A... A drug addiction?”

“Yes. A heroin addict doesn't want to be an addict, do they? Their body makes them dependent on it, and they're incapable of fighting after a while. How long can soul-bonded pairs be apart? Can the withdrawal kill them? Is—“

“Enough,” the teacher said, and Izaya fell silent. “This isn't like heroin, Orihara-kun, and you're too young to know about such a thing! This is another form of mating, of loving someone. It's not nearly as sinister as you're making it out to be.”

Izaya bit his tongue, tasted blood, and glared openly at the teacher. He wasn't making anything sinister, he was repeating exactly what she told him. If a hostage felt appreciation and love for their kidnapper, was that not Stockholm Syndrome? If there was no freedom, was that not complacency more than acceptance and desire?

“Yes, sensei,” he muttered, and she only looked at him a moment longer before continuing the lesson.

He didn't raise his hand again.

***

“Honestly, it seems cool to me. I dunno why you're fighting it so much,” Kadota says. He sips at the sake Shinra gave him and grins when Izaya glares over at him.

“Why do you know about it, Dota-chin?” Izaya asks, though he knows already. Shinra has the decency to look sheepish.

“Kadota-kun won't tell anyone! It slipped out!” Shinra says, and Izaya rolls his eyes.

“For your sake, I hope he doesn't tell anyone. If Kawisawa-chan finds out, I'm going to slit your throat. Your fate is in Dota-chin's manly hands.” Izaya sips his sake as well, though he's not in the mood to drink. He can feel Shizuo checking in on him tentatively, and it's annoying, but also charming in a way. Shizuo could take on an entire army of people, but he's wary of Izaya being mad at him.

“Trust me, if she finds out, I won't know peace anymore. I don't want to tell her,” Kadota says. “And stop calling me 'Dota-chin',” he adds in afterthought.

“Sorry, no can do. It suits you,” Izaya says, and he winks when Kadota glowers at him.

“You know it's pointless to fight it anyway,” Shinra says. “You keep fighting with Shizuo-kun and coming over, but there's nothing I can do to help.”

“I still blame you. We were doing fine before you had to tell us about the soul bond.” Izaya knows deep down that Shinra had nothing to do with it, but bothering Shinra about it is too much fun.

“I thought it was a good thing!” Shinra wails. “Or...the start of a good thing! I should've known you'd be as stubborn about it as ever.”

“I'm not being stubborn!” Izaya huffs, though he supposes he is. “I still have my own free will, you know. I'm not some mindless drone like one of those Saika zombies. I don't have to fawn over Shizu-chan and spam his name everywhere like some hapless lovesick high school student.”

“Isn't that what you've always done, though?” Shinra asks, and he yelps when Izaya throws a knife that pins Shinra's sleeve to the wall. “It was a joke! A joke!”

“You're an even worse comedian than you are a doctor, and that's saying something,” Izaya says, and then he holds his hand out. “Give me my knife back.”

“I don't think you're supposed to look at it as not having free will,” Kadota says, watching as Shinra tries to pry the knife loose from the wall. “It's more like...having someone who fits you. Even if you were dating someone and madly in love with them, you'd still be bound to Shizuo, so it would be sad for you and whoever you were with. You aren't really ever dating anyone though, so didn't it work out?”

“Izaya-kun knows all this already. You're talking to a brick wall,” Shinra grunts, toppling backwards when he finally wrenches the knife free. He stands, brushes himself off, and hands the knife back to Izaya, who immediately throws it back at Shinra, pinning his other sleeve. “Hey!”

“Shut up and I'll stop,” Izaya says. He sips at his sake, wincing as a sharp pain shoots through his skull. “Fuck.”

“Withdrawal headache?” Shinra asks.

“I've only been gone since this morning...” Izaya murmurs, rubbing his temples. “Maybe it's just a normal headache.”

“Mm, twelve hours is a long time for you two now that you're always together. The fact that you're fighting could've exacerbated the effects.”

“Should I call Shizuo?” Kadota asks, and Izaya groans.

“No. This just happens sometimes. It's nothing new.”

“But you look really rough,” Shinra says, and he finally frees himself from the wall. This time, he holds on to the knife.

“I said it's fine,” Izaya says, and he knows that miles away, Shizuo's head is pounding as well. Izaya can feel Shizuo's presence, a steady vibration in himself that seems to say, “What's wrong? Do you need me?” Izaya tries to send something negative in reply, but it hurts so badly, and he doesn't notice the concerned voices of Kadota and Shinra shouting his name before everything goes black.

***

After meeting Heiwajima Shizuo and getting him hit by a car, Izaya sat proudly at Shinra's table, legs crossed as Shinra cleaned and dressed his scratches. They were shallow, barely considered injuries at all, and Izaya found it funny that out of the two of them, Shizuo was the one who ended up worse off.

“I'm really sorry,” Shinra said, though he didn't seem sorry in the least. “I really thought you two would get along.”

“You should be sorry, introducing me to a bullying monster like that,” Izaya said. “He was really going to punch me for no reason. Did you see the look on his face when he saw I wasn't going to sit there and take it? It was hilarious!”

“He's usually not like that. I mean, he's always short-tempered, but he normally waits for a reason to attack someone. I guess he was having a bad day,” Shinra said.

“Yes, let's excuse his needless violence because he was sad. Boohoo, Shizu-chan, punch everyone in the vicinity with your monstrous strength and we'll look the other way,” Izaya said. Shinra frowned at him.

“Well, I guess I was wrong.” Shinra sighed. “I really wanted you to like him so I could have both my friends together! But I guess you'll be avoiding him from now on.”

“Why would I avoid him?” Izaya asked, and he smiled widely when Shinra gaped at him. “I think Shizu-chan and I will be seeing much more of each other. We're still having fun!”

“That's a scary face, Izaya-kun,” Shinra replied, but he was also smiling. He was never scared of Izaya, and that's one reason the two of them were able to mesh together so well. For every odd thing Izaya would say, Shinra would say something odd himself, and they were rarely surprised by each other anymore.

“That's assuming he survives, anyway,” Izaya continued. “I waited until he stood up to leave, but he still got hit by a truck. Your friend quantity might already be reduced by one.”

“Guess I'm stuck with you, then,” Shinra said, and then the door slammed open, revealing an extremely pissed off Shizuo, who was clearly alive and well.

“You're dead, you're dead, you motherfucker—!” Shizuo's voice was gaining volume, and Izaya merely grinned up at him, captivated. Celty ran in the room, stopping Shizuo's rampage, though Shizuo continued to shout obscenities.

“See?” Izaya asked Shinra, glancing over at him. “He's crazy about me.”

***

Izaya wakes with a weak moan. His headache is gone, but he feels weak, clammy. He looks down and sees a hand in his, and he doesn't have to think about who it is.

“Shizu-chan...” he mutters, and there's the sound of a chair scooting closer across the floor.

“Do you need some water?” Shizuo asks, squeezing Izaya's fingers.

“No. Ugh, what time is it? What happened?”

“It's around ten, I think. Shinra said you passed out from withdrawal.”

“You didn't?” Izaya asks.

“No. My head hurt like hell, though. It's never been that sudden before. I ran all the way here.”

Izaya opens his eyes again and looks up at Shizuo, who is leaning on the bed, but keeping a respectable distance between them. Izaya remembers they fought earlier, but he gives Shizuo a pleading look and opens his arms all the same. Shizuo stands and climbs in bed beside Izaya, wrapping around him.

“You still mad?” Shizuo asks. He watches as Izaya undoes the buttons of his vest and then his white button-down.

“I wasn't mad to begin with,” Izaya mutters, burying his face into Shizuo's bare chest. Shizuo's scent is so strong there, and Izaya likes feeling wrapped up in the same shirt with Shizuo.

“I wish you'd at least think about practicing how to use our link more. If we could know when we're doing it, it'd come in handy. Right now we're just projecting random shit at each other. I think if we could talk through it more often, we'd be able to last longer before we need to see each other again,” Shizuo says.

“Mm, who knew you were so eager to have more time away from me,” Izaya says, and he means it as a joke, but Shizuo growls and hugs him tighter, tight enough to hurt.

“Izaya, just fucking stop it, okay? You get mad when I say I want you around more, and you get upset when I try to give you space. You're attached to me, so I know you can feel I mean it when I say I love you. I don't know why you're so dead set on not believing me, but it's a real pain in the ass.”

Izaya could say a lot of things to that, could point out that Shizuo is still using the term “need” more than “want”, could mention, once again, that they're both stuck together whether they love each other or not, or he could refuse to work on mastering their link for no reason other than pure stubbornness. Instead, he noses against Shizuo's skin and slides his hands under the back of Shizuo's shirt, hiding against him as if Shizuo can protect him from the futility of fighting the laws of the universe.

“Sorry,” Izaya murmurs, and Shizuo sighs softly before tugging him back and kissing him on the forehead.

“Don't be sorry. Just listen to me every once in a while, okay? I know I don't know a lot, but I know I want to be with you, and it sucks that you'd rather torture yourself and pass out from pain than be with me, too.”

“I do want to be with you,” Izaya says, because he knows Shizuo will feel it anyway. Izaya can feel himself projecting it, can feel it's in every breath he takes. “Don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me.”

Shizuo hums. “Then that's really all that matters, right?”

***

It's a slow process.

Soul bonds are incredibly rare, and there isn't much of a guide for them to follow as far as speaking to each other purposely sharing things through their link. Sometimes it's easy, and it happens without them even really trying, but then other times it feels like Shizuo is far away from Izaya even when they're sitting right next to each other.

“Don't look so forlorn!” Shinra says, patting Izaya on the bare shoulder. Izaya finds it's easier to project onto Shizuo when more of their skin is touching, so neither of them are wearing a shirt, but Shinra made them separate before trying again this time. “You're both really getting a lot better!”

“Don't touch him!” Shizuo snaps, and Shinra immediately puts his hands up in surrender.

“Shizu-chan, you're being ridiculous,” Izaya says, glaring at Shizuo from across the room. “You're jealous of a middle school kiss.”

“You told him about that?!” Shinra yelps, and he hides behind Izaya.

“No, he saw it in a memory of mine. He snoops, you know? Especially when I'm sleeping.”

“I don't snoop! You project them! You shove your dreams at me 'cause you won't fucking stop squeezing me to death while you sleep!” Shizuo argues, and Izaya raises his hand as if to wave Shizuo's words away.

“I see your dreams too, you know. I just don't comment on them because they're idiotic, usually involving you punching things. I can see that in reality just as easily,” Izaya says, and Shizuo stands, stomping over to Izaya. Shinra wisely shuffles away from them.

“Guys, fighting really isn't what we're working on! Why don't we calm down and you two can touch for this one, okay? You seem to like that much more.”

“I don't wanna touch his flea body,” Shizuo huffs, but he lifts Izaya from his chair and twirls them around so Izaya is sitting in Shizuo's lap. Once their skin touches, Izaya feels all the desire to annoy Shizuo evaporate, and Shizuo's tense shoulders go slack with ease.

“Okay, good,” Shinra says. “Now then, try again, Shizuo-kun. Think of a number between one and fifty and see if Izaya-kun can read what it is through your link.”

Grumbling, Shizuo presses his face into Izaya's neck, and Izaya can feel Shizuo's hot breath on his skin, can feel the warmth of Shizuo's arms around him, and can feel the comfort between them from being close, but he doesn't sense any number.

“Anything?” Shinra asks.

“No,” Izaya says, and Shizuo growls.

“It's because there's so much stuff in your head already!” Shizuo says, glowering up at Izaya. “I can tell you're just thinking all the time, about everything!”

Izaya blinks at him. “Are you saying I think too much for you?”

“Yes! It's not normal to constantly have racing thoughts like that! I can barely filter them out, and when I do, I just think of some random word in Russian that I've never heard, or I think of some recipe— It's all the time with you.”

“Well, let me think about things you can understand, like violence and grunting and junk food and trash TV—“

“Fuck you!”

“Okay!” Shinra says, waving his arms. “Let's focus! Shizuo-kun said something interesting, actually!”

“What?” Shizuo asks, still glaring at Izaya. Izaya wants to hit Shizuo and also to kiss him, and he doesn't know if those are his own desires, or the ones Shizuo is projecting.

“You said you thought in Russian, sometimes?”

“Oh, yeah, just, you know...random words. Never anything important. I'll be working and a word will pop in my head, and Vorona will translate it.”

“That's so cool!” Shinra says, then he gets misty eyed. “Oh, I wish I could share things like that with Celty. You two are really taking this for granted!”

“I need a smoke break,” Shizuo mutters. He stands up and sets Izaya back in the chair before stomping out to the little balcony of Shinra's apartment and closing the door behind him.

“You shouldn't antagonize him. He's trying,” Shinra says, and Izaya crosses his arms across his chest and sinks lower into the chair.

“I'm trying, too!”

“You know, I think it's just that you both had such a...tempestuous relationship before. Both of you have walls up, and it's going to take a long time to work through that. I think it's good you're trying, though.”

Izaya glances up at Shizuo's back through the window, and he reaches out through their link in an equivalent of a tug. He exhales shakily when he feels Shizuo clinging tightly to him in return.

***

At least with sex, they can be on the same page.

Their bond doesn't require sex, doesn't even ask of it them, though it does thrive between them when they're intimate. As long as they're close, they can fight withdrawal, but when their skin is pressed together, and Shizuo slides inside Izaya's body, Izaya really can understand why everyone says soul-bonded pairs are two halves of one soul.

Everything Shizuo feels, thinks, loves, Izaya can feel it, and Shizuo's pleasure is as pressing as his own. Like this, it's hard for Izaya to tell which of them he even is anymore. It seems ridiculous to fight at all when they can be one like-minded soul.

“Izaya— Fuck, Izaya, I love you, I fucking—“ Shizuo pants, and Izaya writhes underneath him before coming, his body trembling as Shizuo keeps moving, chasing his own orgasm.

“Shizu-chan...” Izaya murmurs. His nails press into Shizuo's back, and he can feel it in his skin as if the crescent indentations have appeared on his back, as well. “I'm yours, I'm yours...!” The words feel pried from Izaya's lips, but they're true all the same, and Shizuo comes inside Izaya with a startled gasp that resembles a sob.

Izaya wonders if sex will always be this intense between them. The first time they had each other, it was over quickly, even by virginal standards. It had less to do with their stamina and more to do with the intensity of it, the feeling of their souls becoming one. Both of them love being together like this, and Izaya takes solace in the fact that they want to have sex and feel this level of intimacy, not that their bond requires it from them.

“God...” Shizuo's voice is muffled in Izaya's shoulder. “Don't think I'll ever get used to this...”

“Mm...” Izaya agrees. He traces patterns in Shizuo's back and soothes over the scratches he left. “Hey, Shizu-chan. What number am I thinking of?”

Shizuo nuzzles at him. “Sixty-nine?” he asks, and Izaya giggles.

“Yes. Good guess.”

“Wasn't guessing,” Shizuo says, and then he lifts his head and licks into Izaya's mouth.

***

Izaya thought it was a familiar scene, but he knew he'd never been there himself.

The store was a wreck, glass and debris from the wall thrown around, and there were men buried, as well as a pretty woman. All of them were unconscious. Above them, panting and crying, stood a small boy with mousy brown hair. He turned when Izaya took a step forward.

“Who are you?” Shizuo asked, and Izaya took a good look at him. He never knew Shizuo as a kid, but he'd know Shizuo anywhere, even with different hair and snot running down his face. Izaya has had this dream before, but he was seeing it through Shizuo's eyes. He was never able to interact with Shizuo before now.

“Orihara Izaya,” Izaya said, and he could tell from his voice that he was a kid, too. He looked down at himself, saw some neon bandages on his bare knee.

“You should go,” Shizuo said. He looked back at the scene. “I think I'm about to get in bad trouble.”

“Oh, that's okay,” Izaya said with a shrug. “I like trouble.”

Shizuo frowned at him and sniffled a bit, rubbing at his wet face. He only succeeded in smearing dirt everywhere.

“Do I know you?” he asked.

“No. Not yet, anyway. We don't meet until later.”

“Later?” Shizuo asked, and he looked so confused and so sad. Izaya took a few steps towards him, crunching glass as he walked.

“Yes, later. I guess this is your memory I'm in. I've been here before, but not as myself.” He looked at the woman.

“I was trying to help her,” Shizuo said, and his voice was pleading. “No one ever believes me, but I really didn't mean to do this.”

“I believe you,” Izaya said. “It's okay.”

Shizuo sobbed, dropping the pole he was holding. He covered his face with his hands and cried into them.

“It's not okay! Everything always turns out like this! I can't control myself! I wanted to help her because she was nice to me and I liked her, and I hurt her just as badly as those guys might have!”

“You're just a kid, Shizu-chan,” Izaya said with a shrug. “Believe me when I say she'll be fine.” Izaya stepped closer until he was beside Shizuo, and he blinked when he felt Shizuo grab at his sleeve and tug.

“Will you stay with me until my parents get here? I think my little brother went to call them and the police...” Shizuo said. Izaya wondered to himself what this would have been like in reality, if they really met back then, like this, long before high school.

“No one will come. This already happened, remember? But yes, I'll stay with you.”

“I know you, don't I?” Shizuo asked, squinting at him. “You're...”

“Your soulmate,” Izaya said, and he grinned when Shizuo gaped at him. “We don't meet for a long time. We don't find out we're bonded for even longer than that.”

“Bonded,” Shizuo murmured, his eyes full of wonder. He reached down and found Izaya's hand with his own. “And you...like being with me?”

“It's hard for me,” Izaya said honestly, and he tapped Shizuo on the nose when Shizuo looked hurt. “I loved you before we knew about our bond. It's hard for me to accept you can love me so suddenly.”

“Why?” Shizuo asked, and Izaya clicked his tongue. This was pointless, wasn't it? In this memory, Shizuo was just a kid with no idea about anything yet to pass.

“Because, it's... When you're bound, you have to be together. It hurts you when you aren't. I guess I just... Even later on, when you tell me you want me around, I still think you're lying.”

“I don't think it's a lie,” Shizuo said, and he scrunched up his face in thought. “I'd be real happy if I had a soulmate like you.”

“Oh, yeah?” Izaya asked, raising a brow.

“You aren't scared of me, I can tell. And I like how you talk.” Shizuo stopped talking suddenly, and then he looked down at his hand in Izaya's. “I never thought anyone would want to be around me. And you love me, you said? You mean it?”

“Yes,” Izaya said, and he gasped when Shizuo plowed into him, still ridiculously strong even as a child. Shizuo hugged him tightly, and Izaya struggled to breathe, but he didn't try to get free.

“You have to keep loving me, okay? I'm not really smart, and I say a lot of stupid things, and I... I get real mad a lot. I don't mean to. If I'm mean to you in the future, it's just 'cause I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say.” Shizuo clung to him. “But you have to keep loving me, 'cause no one else ever will.”

“Don't be stupid,” Izaya said. “A lot of people love you. It's almost sickening, how many of them there are.”

“But they aren't like you. I can tell.” Shizuo pulled back to look at him, and suddenly they were both older, Raijin uniforms on their bodies, Russia Sushi in the background. The sun made Shizuo's blond hair even brighter. “No one else has ever been like you, so believe me when I say I love you, okay?”

“Shizu-chan...”

“And you have to keep loving me, too. You have to promise.”

“I do. I do, and I always have, and I'm just... I'm fucking scared, okay? I'm scared of this,” Izaya said, and he felt his lips were trembling. “I never wanted anyone to have this power over me. I don't know how to control it.”

“I'm scared, too,” Shizuo said. “But I'm not scared of you.”

“I'm not scared of you, either.”

Shizuo shrugged, and then he grinned. “So then stop thinking so much about it, you shitty flea.”

***

Izaya wakes with a soft gasp. He looks over at Shizuo, who is blinking awake and giving him a sleepy smile.

“Same dream,” Shizuo murmurs, and he kisses Izaya gently.

“You were a cute kid, Shizu-chan,” Izaya says, and Shizuo snorts.

“Yeah? So were you. You were so fucking little.” Shizuo pulls him closer. “You're still little. Flea-like.”

“Ha ha.”

“I wish I knew you back then. Maybe if we met on our own, just out in the world, we could've been friends a lot sooner.”

“Is that what we are now? Friends?” Izaya asks, and he's grinning playfully.

“Yep. Since we started fucking, though, I think maybe we messed it up,” Shizuo replies.

“Mm...” Izaya lifts his hand and traces little lines in Shizuo's cheek, and Shizuo catches Izaya's hand and kisses the pads of his fingers.

“I love you.”

Izaya blinks in surprise. He heard that as easily as if Shizuo said it out loud, and he can feel in their bond that Shizuo means it, and has meant it every time.

“I love you, too,” Izaya says quietly, and Shizuo beams at him.

“Fuckin' better. You promised me.”

“I did,” Izaya agrees, and he curls closer to Shizuo. They drift off again, sharing another dream, and in the dream itself, and in reality, they can reach out, knowing the other is right there.

#truss fic #shizaya #soulmate #soul bonds #separation anxiety #touch withdrawal #i will always headcanon that shinra was izaya's first kiss lmao

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iconsumeheadcanons · 4 years

Text

persona characters autism headcanons!

hi im autistic and i started my day with sun so now im !!!!!!!!! some of these headcanons are from elsewhere on tumbr, but i dont know where :((( so i am hoping someone out there knows that n that everybody knows that i love them <3

(also go check out mollypaup and i think hypeswap if you havent already! they post some good stuff autism+adhd hc too!!! i think.. oh! and thieves-in-the-palace!!!)

Joker

there was some artwork from someone on tublr..where they pointed out that he doesnt really talk outside the metaverse so--hes hyperverbal as joker and just near nonverbal as akiren

he stims ALL THE TIME. that phone thing, the pencil thing, the little tappy tap of his foot, pulling at his bangs when hes embarrassed/smug. someone get him a fidget spinner. he’ll prob learn to do tricks with it

he probably sucks at focusing in class, like i know its just the game design but hes always surprised out of his daily “star out the window at the nearby office building” when his teachers ask him questions

mona mentions when the pt is at Wilton for the first time (after they run into shido) that joker eats like shit, and that could have multiple causes at the start of the story of course, but when i first played i thought that joker was a picky eater and that the variety (and amount of food) at the buffet would be an Ordeal...

tho mona makes that comment bc joker looked pale after having a little ptsd moment from shidos voice, but i didnt know that the first time i played

maybe when joker makes a face at ryuji putting so much ginger in his gyudon? joker probably does not like pickled ginger lol

his favortive foods are all spicy, which is why the curry he makes for his friends is always ‘overly spicy’, and why kasumi makes him a curry bento and joker kept going “...?” .... “....?!”

overly reflective glasses have been a great plus for him bc now he never has to make real eye contact every again!

mona Soft. play with Ann hair. maybe Braid. nice

puns (Gorou the Goroumet)

he has so many options to be straight up rude sometimes in game. he probably no clue on his own, which is why he defaults to Not Talking. people probably mention his constant scary face, which is just him being nonexpressive, squinting at all the fucking bright lights, and Tired

executive function who? we do everything last minute folks

high pain tolerance, which is why he was the kid that was always climbing trees in elementary school to get basketballs unstuck from the branches

his sixth sense lets him see treasure and possible places to climb/crawl bc 1. Shiny? Steal it. Steal it Now. and 2. Could i fit in that? Time to Find Out

probalby a bit of a klepto too oops. he’ll return it tho!! but he has to do it dramatically or he’ll die

cant sit properly to save his life

smells and touch are Great, they can keep him grounded when his brain goes off to police or dead rivals or guilt or

if a friend hung out with him and gave him total reigns of the agenda, he would choose to nap on the floor while his friend does something off to the side quietly

hyperfocuses on handy tasks (i.e. lockpicks, coffee brewing, cleaning, his part time jobs) and some things like movies and books. everything else is a tossup

his (normal) navigation app is his most used app bc he still doesnt know where hes going, even though he only goes to the same few places in the city

hates being sweaty, literally cannot stand it. probably double exhausted during the summer

but Needs Compression so hes often Struggling

Futaba

paraphrase from p5d “i have no motor skills so i cant play rhythm games :(” need i say more? (i will regardless)

echolalia all the time, from anime, memes, the PT

those headphones she wears all the time? noise cancelling ear protectors babey

only talks about her interests, “normal” talking is Not Easy, but she is still communicative w others despite her worries. shes not “hard to understand” at all but she feels the anxiety nonetheless

only talks informally, cannot talk ‘politely’ with out imitating someone around her

shes had meltdowns and anxiety attacks in game :( i relate so hard

Technology. thats it

def had an egypt phase that pops up every few months. probably came from yu-gi-oh

has Immune to Bright Lights buff. joker is very jealous

“Time to make like a tree and leave!” and 30 other iterations

video game metaphors are the only ones that makes sense to her

probably relates hard to robot characters in anime for their general androgyny and confusion about human emotions and connections

probably gets told that shes “too smart to be on the spectrum” by teachers >:( she fails their classes on purpose

wakaba’s autistic too that just how it is

the Connection that she establishes with Joker is so Warm. my life goals include adopting an older brother like futaba has lsdkfjslkfj

also eater of 5 foods only, i mean, she brings cup ramen to the beach. i just really admire her...

hides in small spaces for comfort

doesnt she have like uhhhhh hyperthymesia or something like that?

Yusuke

art

his entire social link is learning how humans work, which i relate

talks seriously all the time

“sarcasm? who is that? are you saying I was sarcastic?...how?”

cant remember to take care of his body, and madarame did not help with that either

lot of uncomfortable staring, hes overdoing the eye contact thingy

infodumps all the time, doesnt know hes doing it

needs a lot of support even if he doesnt think he deserves it. no one ever complains about helping him out tho

visual stims my friends

he didnt know that you could look up pictures on the internet but he does know you can stream live videos of waterfalls and fluffy animales!!

I am certainly in the mood

for something salty today.

he and joker are scared of math. numbers do not interact

Yusuke, futaba, and akiren are a trio and i know this bc their first day of non-thievery interacts is Akiren clearing Futabas room w/o permission, futaba hyperfocusing on destroying medjed, and yusuke rearranging futabas figurines so they are more visually appealing

morgana is a support friend for all of them bc igor knows they need it

Souji/Yu

yes, he mostly wears gray semi formal clothes bc parents tell him to, no, he will not changes this

Schedule or Death

“sorry, could you repeat that?” “huh? oh yeah, i was saying that--” “yeah that’d be cool.”

cats, fishing, he just likes to be quiet. you can literally spend a day at the beach just to think if you want, and that is what yu want

has a lot of scripts for things (of which he shares with nanako!) but if he runs out he just stops talking..

inaba is a godsend bc its so fucking quiet and warm

he Yearns to hold his friends hands, but he shies away from a lot of touch (excepting yosuke, teddie, and nanako)

Cooking and Cleaning makes the world better. he and joker vibe together with this

unlike akiren, he strong arms any executive dysfunction into Be Productive or Else. his punishment is feeling the pure anxiety of having to make up for ‘lost time’. (another symptom of his workaholic parents)

writes everything down, notes are very neat, has pages dedicated for bad doodles when hes not feeling his usual Super Classroom Focus

Cannot handle secondhand embarrassment (most often caused by yosuke) and will quietly slip away to random cats or origami folding

hungry, crunch crunch folks. probably needs chewelry bc he used to chew on his shirt collars when he was younger.

cleans up after everyone in the food court, constantly worries about them accidently hurting themselves. likely spends half of group conversations watching peoples hands

he canonically eats expired food, nanako plz help your brother

really clumsy, but people only notice after they decide that he is a cool person

video games are too chaotic for him

exhausted every night from the pure amount of masking he does, if a friend spends the night (or is like yosuke) they will know his more comfortable weirdo self (tho everyone knows hes a weirdo eventually)

hyperempathetic, sometimes just understands animals and children better than peeople his age or older

Yukiko

her jokes

she and souji get in ‘trouble’ together, she and joker commit crimes together

she and chie have to coordinate outfits, its important

actually understands metaphors, but does not understand people

like me, had no clue that creepy kid was flirting with her

she is very angry when she has meltdowns that might involve slamming doors and shouting. her parents call these ‘tantrums’ and ‘unfitting for a polite daughter’ but really thats because her meltdowns tend to be caused by arguments w her family after a long day of school and TV world traipsing

the metronome meme, except hers goes between Loudest Person in the Room to Quietest Pin Drop in the Planet. she is completely unaware of this

her atmosphere brightens when chie appears. that is not only the lesbian energy within her, but also because chie is like her Favorite Person

Cannot wear Pants. No (tho she wants to try it! but she puts them on and her soul instantly squashes)

happy flappy lesbian! watch out!

Naoto

the pouty face. all the time lskdfjlasdkf

hes really snappy sometimes and i love that for him. he and akechi should fight just to see what would happen (please read Bang Bang Shoot Shoot on AO3)

“do not touch me or my hat, thank you”

no one has ever seen him shutdown and no one ever will (except for his grandpa)(and kanji)(and rise)

probably likes certain food textures and will stand for nothing less, probably feels embarrassed about his preferences with friends

constantly jumps between ‘everybody hates me so i should act like them so they dont hate me’ to ‘i refuse to be anything but very comfortable as myself, and i dont care that im making you upset sir’

he and souji are the king and queen of subtle stims, but for unhappy reasons :(

does not make jokes. cannot joke around. understand? yes, do? no.

loose clothes are the only good clothes, but all tags and obtrusive seams will be obliterated by kanji tatsumi

not very empathetic so he probably comes off as an asshole to strangers (like when he throws away his classmates confession letters without reading them) but he tries so hard to sound comforting when his buds are struggling.

his understanding of others emotions/reactions come from his learning as a detective, which seems cold+clinical to others, especially compared to souji, whos completely unexpressive but very introverted people person

Hamuko/Minako/Kotone

big personality!! very people-oriented!! koromaru and her are buddies!! when shes having a real bad time, shes very quiet and expressions turn off

interrupts herself in the middle of conversations all the time. no one knows where shes coming from. her brains is thousands of km ahead of her body

bouncey legs, swingin arms, twirlly skirt, little somersaults! when will she stop? never!

very obvious music stims with her hands and arms! people are like “oh there she goes! happy as usual!” shes listening to minatos heavy metal playlist

switches from exhausted to excited within milliseconds. no one can predict, not even her

SEES has to ask her for context all the time cuz she’ll just continue shit from 2 weeks ago without warning

professionals will assume shes very childish bc of how chipper she is, but she is beyond mature for her age and only feels comfortable enough to have serious conversations if a person has proved themself able to handle it

collects every little thing. her room is a mess and she has to get rid of most of it every time she moves :(

hates cleaning! smells bad, feels bad hhhhhgggg

dont let mitsuru-senpai see her bedroom

gets lost in the middle of conversations with others bc shes thinking about a story connected to one(1) word that was said earlier

no sense of time and place, she just sees her friends and goes “ah, this is the right place, then” but junpei and akihiko are also lost so now theyre all screwed

Minato/Makoto/Sakuya

no talkies, no walkies

his story in the movies is him literally learning how to function around people he cares for

doesnt get jokes, expressions, body language, empathy, subtlety, metaphors, physical contact, or eye contact. aigis is probably the only person he truly understands right away

he is still nice to people because he doesnt see a reason not to be, but also he has very limited energy so only his senpai and old people get his most polite-kindnesses

cannot describe feelings for the life of him. the team wont know hes injured or sick until hes passed out

everything is too loud, time to drown it out with my loud ass music

rocking and chewing stims, ryoji is the first person to point him out for these subtle stims (not accusingly of course, just general pure curiosity and love for the uniqueness of humanity)

likes to cover his face with whatever is available, lives like a bat in a dark dry cave

will wear anything that has pockets and his blue/gray/black palette

sleepy at all times bc he never has much energy

when he was younger he probably needed a lot of support, especially after his parents died, because he wouldnt communicate like a neurotypical and would shutdown for hours in the middle of school without warning. probably missed a lot of lessons and field trips out of pure overstimulation

eating at all times. no preference, just whatevers closest

his meltdowns probalby include humming whining noises and curling up in a ball, which makes people want to touch him, but that is the LAST thing he wants. put a blanket on him! play some music! do not talk and do not expect him to speak

aigis is the only person who can touch him normally bc her hands are cold and he likes cold

never nude, feels mmmmmmmmm without clothes and probalby wears a full robe in the hotsprings

will not do things that take more than one step w/o someone else walking him thru it, which Same

#my writing #p3 #p4 #p5 #persona 3 #persona 4 #persona 5 #ren #futaba #souji #hamuko #minato #vibes straight thru the sun #i sincerely hope the read more works #im so srry for grammar problems #i literally cant read rn

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tlbodine · 4 years

Text

An Irritated Review of an Aggressively Bad Book

As a child of the 90s, I cut my teeth on R.L. Stine’s books. Goosebumps in elementary school, graduating up to Fear Street -- with its guts and gore! -- by my tweens. But the time came when I had voraciously consumed all of the R.L. Stine at the library, and I hungered for more books in the same vein.

Which led me to Christopher Pike.

Christopher Pike was another of the “Point Horror” series writers popular through the 80s, and they were an obvious thing to recommend to a budding young horror fan (especially as his books tended to be popular with young girls, thanks to the romantic subplots they often featured). But I just never really enjoyed them. I read a handful, shrugged it off, and eventually moved on to reading Stephen King and other adult authors instead.

Which brings us to this motherfucker.

@comicreliefmorlock sent me a small stack of vintage YA horror titles, because reading ridiculous cheesy teen thrillers sounded like good nostalgic fun.

But this book isn’t the fun kind of cheesy. It’s the kind of cheesy that drives me to start blogging in irritation at 12:57 am. Because this book isn’t just bad, it is aggressively bad, and it says a lot about 1984 and the state of horror fiction and YA fiction and publishing in general that this fucking book launched Christopher Pike’s career.

So let’s talk about this sumbitch below the cut.

The story is about a group of teens who meet up for a ski weekend. The girls were all very close when they were younger, but drifted apart after an accident that left one friend badly burned and her little sister dead. The burned-friend is the one whose family owns this very fancy house and so graciously invited everyone to come hang out.

Our characters don’t really get much in the way of actual characterization, but here’s the cast:

Nell, who has some facial scarring and whose family is apparently loaded

Nicole, the dead little sister

Lara, the main character (ostensibly)

Dana, who likes to eat and crack jokes (funny fat friend solidarity fist bump)

Rachael, the gorgeous blonde beauty rival of Lara

Mindy, who chews gum

Celeste, a shy girl with back problems who they’ve befriended somewhat recently

They arrive and hand over their keys to a park ranger to valet-park their car while marveling at how they don’t really know if he was a real park ranger, because I always give my keys to strangers when visiting an isolated location. Celeste asks some innocent questions about why the group hasn’t hung out recently, and the group neglects to mention the dead sister, but the reader figures it out.

Don’t worry, we’ll hear all about that in a moment. But first there’s a small, stupid mystery about a disappearing snowman, that melted really fast like it was burned and Lara will continue to fixate on this for the rest of the book.

They spend a little time getting settled in before hitting the slopes. Celeste and Nell hang behind despite being the two people at this gathering who presumably don’t know each other, but they hit it off great right away so good for them.

At the ski lodge, they run into a pair of boys that Rachael and Mindy know -- Percy and Cal. Lara falls into an instant and irritating infatuation with Percy for some reason, deepening that rivalry with Rachael. Cal creeps on Dana, trying to grope her when they get a minute alone, but Mindy of course gets jealous of Dana for horning on on her man because of course she does.

Note: The book was written by a man in 1985.

Anyway, at the ski slopes, Dana disappears, and everyone kind of assumes she’s just trying to avoid Cal even when they find one of her skis sitting in the middle of a very mysterious patch of snow that seems to have some ash and ice in it (just like the snowman! gasp!) but it’s probably fine!

Somewhere in here we get an entire chapter told in italics to provide helpful background information about how Nicole died -- which involved a bunch of 6th graders at a sleepover getting drunk from stolen brandy in the liquor cabinet, deciding to hold a seance, knocking over a candle, catching Nicole on fire, and then Lara trying to put her out with the brandy (because it’s wet!) and that of course creates a Nicole-Flambe situation. Nicole is whisked away to the hospital and dies there and Lara is wracked with guilt and so forth and so on.

And scene. Back to the present, where Dana is still missing, they can’t find the ranger who has their car keys, there’s a storm bearing down on them, but of course the most important thing is whether Percy likes Lara better than he likes Rachael. They invite the boys to come over that night.

Dana’s not back at the house, so Lara calls the lodge to ask for them to have her call if she shows up, but otherwise big shrugs about the friend’s disappearance and presumably being lost in the middle of a storm. Celeste is scandalized that they were going to eat cold cuts at a party and sets to dressing and roasting two whole chickens and a bunch of side dishes, which is of course an extremely normal thing for a teenager to do at a party.

The boys show up, and Lara feels kind of bad about not really caring where Dana is, except not guilty enough to do anything about it. Dana, you’re too good for these people, get better friends.

Anyway, they eat and do some drinking then play charades, which Celeste and Nell are eerily good at (hmmmm) and then Cal creeps on Celeste which starts a whole argument culminating in Percy punching him in the face, Cal stumbling backward, and Mindy’s arm catching fire because Nell had bitchily thrown alcohol at her earlier. They throw out the boys and start doing some first aid on Mindy, including dosing her on some codeine that they conveniently have lying around.

Percy’s gotta go, so Lara walks him out in the woods, refusing anybody else’s offer to come with her so she doesn’t get lost because she wants to make a move on him. There’s some painful flirting, some kissing, some talks about pyrokinesis and the mysterious Dana disappearance (and the snowman! that damned snowman!) and also Percy has a flare gun in his pocket for some reason.

Gag. Ugh. But ok, fine, Percy gives her the flare gun, presumably because he’s letting her walk back through the woods alone in a blizzard. She scoops up some of the ice from Dana’s disappearance-spot to bring home for evidence and then goes to bed. When she awakens, the ice has melted and she can see bones! and ash! Ahhhh!

This causes her to panic, so she runs out of the house at 3am into the woods and then, idk, freezes or something. Cal is there for some reason? She conveniently blacks out and awakens to find herself tied up in Nell’s basement. But hey look, Dana’s here! And so is Rachael!

We helpfully learn that Dana’s been tied up in a closet this whole time. Also, SURPRISE! Celeste isn’t actually Celeste, she’s Nicole! (in case this wasn’t already painfully obvious from all of the foreshadowing). She didn’t die after all! She just assumed an entirely new identity! She was just pretending not to know who Nell is!

Never mind that Celeste has parents who we have literally talked to in this book (they briefly call to check on her and Lara speaks to them instead). Apparently Nicole’s family....gave her up for adoption? but she’s still really close to her sister? Or else Lara somehow doesn’t realize that Celeste’s parents are Nell’s parents? Literally no part of this is explained in a way that makes any sense at all.

But anyway, turns out this whole weekend was just an excuse to get everybody together so that Nell and Nicole/Celeste could get revenge by dousing them in kerosene and burning them alive. Like you do.

There’s a lot of waffling and trying to win over Nicole with the power of friendship, and then she changes her mind about the plan but Nell doesn’t, which leads to some dramatic scuffling and ultimately Lara shoots Nell with Chekhov’s flare gun, but it’s totally OK because her expression is “the most peaceful” Lara has ever seen so that’s cool, and then they manage to rescue Mindy before the house blows up.

From there, we’ve just got some loose ends to tie up. We’re rescued by the suspicious ranger from earlier who it turns out actually is a ranger, so that’s cool. How did he find them? Why, that strapping young man Cal tipped him off that they might be in trouble!

You heard it here first, folks. Cal, the guy whose characterization up to this point has been “gropes girls without consent” and “tells funny war stories about napalm” is actually the real hero here! What a find stand-up young gentleman that serial offender is.

Also, again, Dana, you are too good for these people, find new friends.

Anyway, the girls end up in the hospital, where they promise a vow of secrecy but also Lara and Nicole are totally going to be best friends now, no harsh feelings. Also Lara is totally going to hook up with Percy, because that was definitely the most important thing to come from this weekend and she’s definitely not in any way going to be traumatized about any of this.

The end.

distant gagging sounds

#christopher pike #slumber party #books #amreading #book review #bookblr

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