Aang x Azula prompt: "It's getting harder to hide our relationship but there's a serial killer, several important political figures, your ex, and your family, all in the same place. Now is not the time. "
or Hanahaki disease. :3
OMFG YES AZULAANG. I so very much wanted to explore it in 'And I will Stay' but it was going to take up way too much real estate 😭
I went with Hanahaki disease, but then for once my brain cell decided to work, and... eh, churned out something that really can't be called a ficlet anymore. It reads a little rushed to me, but I also didn't want it to spiral more than it already did, so please forgive the pacing.
Thank you for the prompt, it was so fun to work with!
Azula counts the dust motes floating in her cell.
One… two…
She loses count. They blur together. Floaters in her eyes, or perhaps another speck that drifted from the ceiling.
“Would you seriously rather stare at the wall than talk to me?!”
The Avatar’s incredulous voice, unfortunately, invades her peace. Azula sighs, and with a languorous turn of her head, eyes the Avatar with disdain.
For whatever reason, brother dearest had thought the Avatar would have more luck getting through to her. In a way, she understands, even though she abhors having anything in common with little Zuzu. He hasn’t visited her in weeks. She supposes she can’t blame him. Not when every meeting has them screaming and throwing fire at each other.
There’s too much anger and hurt between them for anything to go anywhere.
“I’m not interested in anything you have to say,” she sneers. “What more do you want, Avatar? You’ve won. There, I admitted it. My father is rotting in prison, my brother is on the throne – my throne, for that matter –”
“You lost the Agni Kai. You aimed for a third party.”
“Semantics,” she waves him off.
“They’re not semantics,” the Avatar protests, the furrow of his brow the first indication of anger he’s shown since these inane little visits started. “You could’ve killed Katara. You could’ve killed my friend.”
Azula appraises him stonily.
The Avatar sighs. “You’re not a monster. I want to believe you’re not a monster.”
“Oh yes?” she drawls sarcastically. “Then why am I here?”
In the corner of her eye, a shadowy figure flit by. A tall woman, the silhouette of the Fire Lady’s hairpiece in the tight furl of a topknot –
She lets out a slow breath, returning her attention to the dust motes.
One… two… three…
“I’m going to give you something,” the Avatar says, grey eyes steely. It’s uncharacteristic of him, and she isn’t quite sure what to do about that.
“What?” she still retorts drily.
Suddenly, the Avatar’s face brightens, a curious childlike gleam in his eyes.
“Freedom.”
Azula barely refrains from an undignified snort. “I beg your pardon?”
“Freedom,” the Avatar repeats. “You’re getting out of here and going on a trip with me.”
She rolls her eyes, scoffs, rakes his face for any tells or hints of deception. When she finds none, she furrows her brows.
“Is that not another prison? You will be holding me hostage –”
“Not hostage,” the Avatar interrupts. “It’s a trip. On Appa. We’ll go to some cool places, try out some local cuisine, maybe even go penguin sledding…”
“No thanks,” Azula says thinly. “I think I’d rather be a prisoner than a tourist.”
“Come on,” he wheedles. “Wouldn’t you want to get out of here for a bit? I promise you no stuffy politics. It’s just fun!”
She summons a ball of flame and tosses it at the Avatar. He yelps, jumps six feet in the air, the top of his bald head threatening to brush against the ceiling.
Pathetic. To think this was what had brought down her father.
Azula smirks. “Now that is fun.”
“Ha-ha, very funny,” the Avatar grumbles, drifting back down.
“Change your mind?” Azula asks airily, tossing a little flame back and forth between her hands. She doesn’t like these games. The games she likes are the ones she knows the rules to, but the Avatar has come stumbling in disrupting everything. She doesn’t know what he wants, and she doesn’t think she’d be much interested in anything he’d want.
“No,” the Avatar says, frustratingly looking even more determined. “Get some rest. We leave first thing tomorrow. Wouldn’t you rather be a prisoner outside than inside?”
He doesn’t give her time to reply. Instead, like a bird, he alights into the air, leaving nothing but a cool wind in his wake. She throws another fireball where he once stood, scorching the stone.
.
She hates it. She hates everything about this trip. She hates the clothes she’s been supplied, the grungy clip she’d been given to tie her hair, the… the smelly, grunting, scraggy flying bison she is clinging onto for dear life as they soar across the sky.
“See?!” the Avatar whoops. “Isn’t this fun?”
Azula thinks she’d rather let herself tip over the edge.
Their first stop is some dinky little island in the middle of nowhere. When Azula finally swallows down her pride and asks what they’re here for, the Avatar shushes her rudely and leads her to the shore.
And then he stands there with his eyes closed.
She indulges him for the first ten minutes. Ten minutes too long, when she discovers he isn’t even waiting for anything. He’s simply standing on the warm sand, facing the ocean.
She tosses fire at him.
The Avatar dodges nimbly, the serene expression still on his face. Azula would be impressed if she wasn’t fed up.
“What are you doing?” she finally rebukes sharply. “This is a waste of time. If this is all you have planned for your merry little trip, then I think I’d rather walk myself back to prison –”
“Shh,” the Avatar cracks an eye open, grinning. “When was the last time you stood on the beach and listened to the waves?”
“Ember Island,” Azula replies bluntly. “Not too long after your apparent death, actually. With my brother and…” the words shrivel up in her mouth. Mai and Ty Lee were her friends. Were.
“Not like that,” the Avatar says gently. “I meant just listening to the waves, letting them wash your worries away. When was the last time you cleared your mind?”
Azula falls silent. A clear mind has always been what she was renowned for. As if to assure herself, she flexes her fingers, feeling the crackle of static dance between them. But, admittedly, in prison, her only company was often her own thoughts.
“Listen,” the Avatar insists. “And don’t try to throw lightning at me. I know how to redirect it.”
“Well, good for you,” Azula huffs.
Still, seeing that there is nothing else to do, she turns her face to the waves.
And listens.
.
She likes structure. She likes it when things go in their correct places, when plans follow through by her meticulously planned steps. She likes it when she can definitively say that one thing is this and another is that.
The Avatar is, unfortunately, not any of that.
His whims are as free-spirited as the winds, billowing this way one moment and that way the next.
Azula knows people. She reads them easier than reading books. Their tells, the miniscule twitches in their expression, the subtle startles of their fingers and feet.
The Avatar wears his heart on his sleeve and his thoughts on his face. And yet, despite the way he bares everything so openly, she struggles to break him down into individual categories.
“I got you something!” the Avatar beams, popping up beside her. They’re in a tiny village somewhere along the borders of the Earth Kingdom, perusing the local market. There isn’t anything of interest, but Azula finds herself looking around anyway, idly noting the trinkets and wares on display.
Azula eyes the small cloth-wrapped bundle suspiciously. When she doesn’t take it, the Avatar grabs her hand and puts it in her palm himself. She swats him away, wiping her hand on her trousers.
He doesn’t take any offence. “Open it!”
Azula sighs heavily. Undoing the twine, she slowly pulls apart the brown cloth, revealing a small pot of rouge. She lifts the lid, trying to ignore the twinge in her heart as she takes in the bright hue, as deeply crimson as the colour she usually used.
She can’t remember the last time she’d used cosmetics.
“Thanks,” she mutters gruffly.
“No problem! See, I’m something of a haggler, and I managed to get it for a ‘special price’. Although, I think it’s something to do with being the Avatar. But anyway, it was pretty cheap! Not that I know how much makeup usually costs –”
“You have more than enough money,” Azula rolls her eyes. “These are simple villagers trying to make a living. I say you just give them the full price. It keeps the economy going and ensures someone gets to put food on the table.”
The Avatar stares at her in surprise.
“What?” Azula bristles. “I’m stating facts.”
“Nothing,” the Avatar rubs the back of his head sheepishly. “I just didn’t think you’d be so… nice about um, Earth Kingdom people.”
It’s probably rude to throw fire at someone who had just bought her a gift, but Azula does it anyway. Much to her satisfaction, she manages to singe the corner of his top, and gleefully watches the Avatar hop around in a panic.
“I simply know a thing or two about running a country,” Azula announces, turning on her heel to head back to the bison.
Later that night, in private, she carefully applies the rouge on her lips. It seems silly, but it feels like a little piece of herself has returned.
In the background of her reflection, she thinks she almost catches a mirroring smile on her mother’s face.
.
He wears her down. Somewhat.
It takes weeks, but eventually Azula can admit she doesn’t think about her humiliating defeat during Sozin’s Comet as much anymore. She is a princess, and she always will be, but she has never been a tourist.
Maybe it’s not so bad trading thoughts of military plans and strategies for thoughts of how long a hike would take and when they should be heading back for dinner.
At one of the towns they stop by, she even buys Zuzu a figurine of a turtleduck carved from ivory.
The Eastern Air Temple is hauntingly still. Echoes of the past rebound throughout the surprisingly in-tact structures.
They tour around it, and Azula… Azula finds herself enthralled.
“It’s great, isn’t it?” the Avatar bounds in front of her, a little too close to her face.
She throws a fireball at him.
The Avatar dodges nimbly, air currents spiralling under his feet as he launches himself into a tree, feet hooking around a branch.
“Hey!” the Avatar grins, hanging upside down from the gnarled bough like a monkey. “You weren’t serious that time!”
A miniscule smile of her own tugs involuntarily at her lips.
“No,” she says slowly. “I suppose not.”
.
It’s ridiculous.
Azula wakes up one morning before promptly retching up small, white petals with blue accents. She stares at her palmful of flowers in horror. Tiny, little things that were as white as snow, painted with vivid blue streaks that reminded her of the arrows tattooed along the Avatar’s arms and legs.
They smell sweet and light, and something about its fragrance reminds her of something she can’t put her finger on.
She burns them.
.
Hanahaki disease.
A myth, a rumour, a deliverance of punishment unto her.
Azula doesn’t get any better despite every fibre in her body praying day and night that these damned flowers would shrivel up and die. But who should she pray to if not to herself? For it is her own problem, her folly to have some stupid, stupid unrequited love.
She doesn’t even know who she is supposedly in love with.
Not with the Avatar, no, no. It’s her first thought, but when she looks at him, she finds herself relieved to find that her heart remains as steady as ever, her gut as still as a tranquil pond, and her breathing as even as a mirror’s surface.
She doesn’t understand. She isn’t yearning for the Avatar’s love. She isn’t yearning for anyone’s love. She doesn’t need love. Love is for fools.
Love is for fools. Just as trust is for fools.
Because they are intertwined, aren’t they? Love makes one foolish. Love blinds you, turns you on your head, turns your own mind against you.
Azula coughs again. Petals spill from her lips, fluttering to the ground in a scatter. If she concentrates, she can taste its perfume in the back of her mouth.
.
“Zephyr blossoms!”
Azula subtly coughs into her sleeve before she turns around, frowning at the Avatar.
“I beg your pardon?”
He picks up a white petal from the ground, and she realises in horror that she hadn’t managed to catch one. A slip-up. A miscalculation.
“Zephyr blossoms,” the Avatar repeats, stroking the petal fondly, looking a little teary-eyed. “How did they get here? They’re native to the Eastern Air Temple. They used to be carried around by the breeze and we’d make a game of catching them. Monk Gyatso used to say that they were created by air sprites.”
“Is that so?” Azula says dully.
The Avatar throws the petal into the air, manipulating the wind around them to carry it off the cliff.
“Anyway,” he says cheerfully, “we should get to the inn. It’s getting late.”
Azula nods. As soon as his back is turned, she throws her handful of petals over the edge.
.
She wakes in the middle of the night unable to breathe. It’s a nightmare, its shadowy fingers still cinching around her throat. She’d dreamt of her mother, of her soft perfume and embroidered sleeves wiping away her tears. She’d dreamt of her mother’s soothing voice, her gentle footfalls, her indulging smile when Azula ran up to her clutching some interesting little thing she’d found and wanted to show off.
She’d dreamt of the happier times, and in so many ways, it’s worse than dreaming of monsters and demons.
A wretched sob tears free from her throat, and with it, a flurry of petals. They lodge in her gullet, and she coughs, hacking up flower after flower.
“Azula.”
Azula’s head jerks up in shock. The Avatar is standing in the doorway, a small sprig of flame flickering on his fingertip, casting a warm orange glow around the dark room.
“Go away,” Azula manages to choke around her mouthful of flowers. Her eyes blur with tears, from choking or despair, she doesn’t know. “Go away.”
“No.”
She shrieks at him, summoning a molten ball of blue rage before hurling it at the Avatar. To her frustration, he dissipates it calmly, and then slowly enters the room.
Azula hunches forward, sobbing into the disarray of flowers.
“Who?”
“I don’t know,” Azula spits. She lets herself sob one more time before she scrubs at her eyes, taking in deep breaths to calm down. But as she sucks in a lungful of air, she inadvertently takes in the flower’s scent.
She remembers.
It’s her mother’s perfume. Her mother used to make it herself, infusing flowers and oils together in a blend that Azula could never follow. Coupled with the other scents, she hadn’t recognised it on the first go, but now… now, there is no mistaking it.
“Azula,” the Avatar cautiously sits on the bed. “Who is it?”
“I don’t know,” Azula repeats, more numbly now. “It’s not you, I can tell you that.”
“Azula…” the Avatar gently touches her shoulder. She doesn’t shake him off. “This… this is a serious disease.”
“You think I don’t know that?!” she snaps, “Maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe I’ll just wither away and die and the little world you saved will be made all the better!”
The Avatar withdraws, shocked.
“That’s right,” she says bitterly. “I know there are officials clamouring for my execution. Maybe I’ll finally give everyone what they want and just fucking –”
“Azula!” the Avatar shouts, horrified. “No! No, no, no, no, no. Why… why are you saying all this? Azula, I thought you… you…”
“You don’t understand,” Azula hisses. “None of you understand. I just… leave me alone, Avatar.”
The Avatar doesn’t leave her alone. Instead, he shuffles closer, asking her, “Do you… do you love yourself? Cherish yourself?”
Her heart stutters to a stop. Of all times the Avatar has to be insightful, it has to be now, when she is at her lowest point, wishing her mind would go blank so her thoughts would finally leave her alone.
“Oh,” the Avatar says softly, “oh, Azula.”
“Get out,” she barely manages to utter through her gritted teeth. “Get. Out.”
She digs her nails into her arms, deep into the sinew, and her fingers start smoking. She doesn’t dare look at him, not when she’s sure there’s a pitying look on his face. She doesn’t need this. She never needed this.
Footsteps. The door creaking open. A click.
Azula hesitantly raises her head.
The Avatar is gone, but somehow, she feels worse than before.
.
They don’t speak about that night.
Azula continues coughing up flowers, and the Avatar continues giving her worrying glances.
She doesn’t see her mother anymore. Sometimes she feels like she doesn’t see anything at all. The days blur past, and they visit different places in solemn silence. In a way, she almost misses the excitable, jovial atmosphere the Avatar brought with him everywhere.
In a quiet teashop, she sits in a private room, sipping tea and counting dust motes.
One… two… three… four… five…
The paper door slides open, and the Avatar steps in, holding a scroll.
“Zuko wants to come see you.”
“You told him?!” Azula hisses angrily. “You told him about – about –”
“No, no,” the Avatar assures. “No. I haven’t told him anything. He sent a letter himself. He wants to see you, Azula.”
“Why?” she asks, forcing her eyes back to her tea. “Why bother?”
“Because you’re his little sister,” she hears the Avatar walk closer. “He doesn’t want to give up on you. He said your father has hurt you both.”
“That’s easy for him to say when he’s the golden child now,” Azula mutters.
“He’s not perfect, Azula,” the Avatar sits. “And neither are you. Trust me, that’s a good thing.”
But she doesn’t trust him, that’s the thing.
Did she?
“I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to,” the Avatar says. “But think about it. Please.”
He gets up and leaves again.
Azula watches the dust motes.
One… two…
She turns away.
.
She sits in yet another inn room, brushing her hair. The rouge is sitting on the table, the dim light showing off its waxy sheen.
“Hey,” the Avatar pokes his head in. “Do you want dinner?”
“I’d like to see Zuzu,” Azula blurts out. The Avatar startles, and Azula falls into embarrassed silence. She clears her throat delicately. “And dinner, yes. But… I think I’d be willing to see my brother.”
“That… that’s great!” the Avatar shakes himself out of his reverie to grin brightly at her. “I’ll let him know.”
“No,” Azula interrupts. “I’ll write him.”
The Avatar nods vigorously in agreement.
Azula coughs, and petals fall from her lips. It hasn’t gotten any worse, but it hasn’t gotten any better either.
The Avatar touches her shoulder, and she turns to the mirror, studying herself. She looks… better. Healthier. Despite the disease racking her chest, she doesn’t look as tired and bitter anymore. But it doesn’t mean that she looks better. What matters is…
“One day,” the Avatar says softly, their eyes meeting in the reflection. “You will look into the mirror, and you will realise that you finally love yourself. The day will come. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week. But the day will come.”
“Save your breath,” Azula manages around the lump in her throat.
“I mean it,” the Avatar insists. “We’ve all been brought to our lowest point. What matters is what we do to get out of it.”
“I don’t even know what to do,” Azula confesses.
“You can start by calling me by my name,” the Avatar smiles.
There are more than petals in her throat now. The Avatar’s name is also lodged in there, joining the jumbled mess of flowers. It’s then that she realises something that now seems so glaringly obvious.
She is content. And she thinks that, for the first time since her imprisonment, there could be happiness in the future.
“Aang,” she says. Her heart skips a beat. But he smiles wider, warm and bright, and she thinks she finally understands why people find sunrises so appealing.
“Azula,” the Avatar – Aang, she corrects herself, reaches out and grabs her hand, squeezing it. She doesn’t set him on fire. “Should we go check out Kyoshi Island?”
She smiles back tentatively, her inner fire growing warmer as she nods.
One step at a time.
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