#new details found out about alters that are important

[pianocat939]

Yandere Chrollo Hcs/Mini-Story

I couldn't conceal the thoughts anymore- they were eating me up so bad. I RAMBLED. LIke this feels more like an informative thing than an actual narrative style so I'm sorry lmao. It's so unorganized too.

(The entire story is based on the fic I'm working on, but with more detail on characteristics and what not.)

Tw: brief mentions of kidnapping, implied controlling behaviour, Chrollo's character is altered but is in correlation to the past I've thought of.

MC is from Meteor City, and was Chrollo's best friend. But- They end up being kidnapped, and having retreograde amnesia. (I'm not going to go into further detail just because I don't want to spoil to anyone who is currently reading my fic) Meanwhile, Chrollo is absolutely obsessed with MC. He trusted them more than anyone, and all of the sudden they disappeared.

Chrollo, who slowly grows cold-hearted without MC, starts to resent whatever happened to them. He's desperate to know what happened to them. As he first builds the troupe (As an actual gang of thieves), his personal mission is to find MC.

Some of the troupe members know this goal he has. Especially if they were friends with MC before they were kidnapped. So they try to help him in anyway possible.

A few years of searching, the troupe manages to locate MC. But when Chrollo goes to meet them, everything just falls apart. They don't remember him at all. To him, this is devastating since he had practically devoted over half of his life to them. He becomes more unstable with his internal conflicts.

Since there's no photos or records of their memories, Chrollo repeats his fondest moments with them. He is desperate to get them to remember their friendship.

The most prominent memory he will say is the time he found a near-brand new toy and gave it to them. To which MC was grateful of his search back then. This memory is also the start of his obsession (which explains why this event in particular is the most important).

Slowly, MC manages to remember their memories with him. It takes a while, honestly. Maybe a few months. But MC is incredibly happy to see him alive and well. Only for one thing to be a downfall...

MC doesn't view him romantically at all.

Well, since MC is just barely recovering their moments they really only focus on what happened. Since they were children at that point, MC holds nothing but platonic affection for him.

Chrollo, however, is down bad for MC. He would and honestly will devote himself to their life. He doesn't care for much in his life. But he does care for the one thing that made him feel any joy. Over the years they were apart, Chrollo develops an almost glorified view of MC. He thinks they can do no wrong, and anything against them is his enemy too.

Now, Chrollo will kidnap them. No questions. Of course MC is freaking out, but once they see more old friends they know they're screwed.

Moving on to more about what Chrollo will be like with MC during captivity:

In front of the troupe members, he acts very nonchalant. He won't do any more than keep their side pressed to his or have them sit on his lap.

Alone? He's fucking insane. He'll do a lot for MC. He'll do most requests for them in a way to prove his "worthiness" to stay by their side. He wants them to rely on him so he can keep them obedient to his affections. The reason I even mention this as a worshipping characteristic of him is because back when they were children, Chrollo had friends. MC, however, was like his true best friend. The one he could trust wholeheartedly no matter what. Which I think is still left behind in his mind.

Also, while he's alone: definitely more affectionate. He tends to give lots of pecks on their face or hold them close. In his most vulnerable moments, he likes to do a few nuzzles. It's like he reverts back to being the clingy friend he was all those years ago.

In a way he's possessive. My idea of him is weird. So one side, he wants to prove his worth to MC so they'll acknowledge him as they did before. But on the other side, he wants a feeling of superiority and reliability.

He talks about fate often, mostly about the connection between the two. He'll repeat at least multiple times a week that fate has led them together just as they were before. He also loves to mention that they're his and he's theirs.

...

(OK. I'm done. I rambled so much help- it's really unorganized. Nonetheless, this is the most I've written in one go in a while. So that was fun.)

(I know I altered his character quite a bit, but that's because I altered his past as well. So it kinda goes hand in hand.)

- Celina

#I'm so fucking scared to put tags #yandere #yandere x reader #hxh #hxh x reader #hunter x hunter #chrollo #chrollo x reader #yandere imagines

[eezeybreezy]

ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴜɴᴋ ᴀɴᴅ ʜɪꜱ ᴄᴀᴛ ➜ʜᴏʙɪᴇ ʙʀᴏᴡɴ x ɢɴ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

I have fallen to the Hobie brain rot and this is the result. This was a lot longer than intended so now it's broken into multiple chapters! Lmk if I should post those too or if this is too cringe.  Part 2, Part 3, Part 4🔞

warnings: suggestive, not-so-accurate accent, recreational drug/alcohol use, partying, punk shit, eventual smut? 

As they entered the headquarters, the pair were met with a cacophony of sound and movement. People in spider suits and uniforms hurried to and fro, carrying files, and talking urgently on their phones or to each other. Clearly, this was a place of importance, filled with sensitive work and decisions.

The first was a young woman, her hair pulled back into a high ponytail and dressed in a long, flowing maxi skirt in earthy tones, paired with a crochet top. Adorned with beads or other natural details, she walked confidently, looking around with a sharp eye and taking in every detail. The second was a young man, his steps a little slower and his gaze mellow. He was dressed in a concoction of ripped fabrics, belts, and buttons, his studded vest and chunky boots a signature in the halls they walked.

"Wow," breathed the woman, taking in the bustling scene. "I knew this was a big deal, but I had no idea.."

The man chuckled. "Told you it was the real deal."

The Spider you’d come to know was none other than Hobie Brown, a stand-out among his peers and variants alike. You’d only met after being rounded up as an anomaly, though you’d come to the HQ willingly, as any means to getting home was better than being stranded in some uppity renaissance dimension. After learning of your role as the Black Cat in your world, the punk had found a new friend in an unexpected place.

“Hm…” Hobie peered at you absentmindedly, seemingly turning something over in his head.

You didn’t like that look, and knowing the kinds of ideas an anarchist could come up with, you decide to pry, “What’s up?”

Hobie finally looked at you and not through you, “How did you get those abilities bruv like, I was bit by a radioactive spider so I have spider DNA in me, but how’d you get ‘em?”

“Hear me out, a cat bit me. But she wasn’t radioactive or anything, actually quite sweet.”

“Wait wait wait, you ‘ere bitten… by a cat? And you now have abilities like me??”

You giggled at this, he’s dumbfounded over a cat but a radioactive spider giving powers is the norm around here. “I don’t know about ‘like you’ per say.’

“Aight, maybe not exactly like me, but it’s similar yeah? You have wall-crawling abilities I presume or am I wrong? And probably enhanced strength?”

Why the sudden interest in my abilities, you thought. “I mean I do have enhanced strength and speed, but I can only climb up walls with my claws, I don’t stick like you all do,” referring to the bustling crowd of Spider-people you found yourself in the presence of.

“I see, then I have one last question… What does your suit look like? I’m proper curious ‘bout that.”

Now this was unexpected, not only was he interested in your powers, but your alter ego altogether. In the few months, you’ve been friends, little was spoken about your homeworld, let alone the role you play in that dimension. You wonder what’s gotten him so interested, and so you decide to tease a little, getting Hobie Brown flustered was something very few could boast.

“You ever been to a BDSM club? It’s like a leather dominatrix suit

“…” “That’s… huh.”

“Problem ‘Obie?” You poke at him playfully, gliding to stand closer to the slender man.

“Not at all… can’t say I’m not confused though…” he trailed off. “But hey, as your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man it’s not my problem that you have an… um… interesting taste in fashion.”

That got a snort out of you, “You’re one to talk about ‘interesting taste in fashion’, Mr. Spider Punk.”

A sigh comes from the taller man. “Fine. You win.”

Deciding to toy with him further, you play nonchalant and petty, “If I’m so annoying I’ll just leave then. I enjoyed meeting you Punk.”

“Oi oi, I didn’t mean to insult you, I swear… I'll be 'onest wiv ya, mate. I don't really know what I'm doin' 'ere. I'm just takin' it one day at a time and seein' where it takes me.” He looked up from the ground to look at you again, something sad in his eyes. “Life's a funny old game, ain't it?"

“The rockstar runway model is bad with people? Color me shocked”

Hobie let out a huff of air, which you could only assume mimicked a laugh, “Is that meant to be an insult or genuine criticism?”

“I was being serious Hobie, you seem to have a good handle on people. You’re just so cool I thought maybe you’d have it down by now” Despite wanting to crawl into a hole at your admission, you said it with your chest, and you’re not about to back out now.

He’s quite surprised by this, not anticipating such a blatant compliment from you. “Huh… you’re actually pretty rad yourself. Most people don’t think that and just call me a freak.”

“I mean I’d say I’ma freak too but that hasn’t gotten me any complaints if you know what I mean.” You say with a wink, deciding to lay it on thick.

He smirks at you, catching the vibes you're putting down quickly. “Oh, I understand what you mean. I just didn’t expect you to be this forward luv.”

“What’s the phrase? ‘You miss 100% something something-”

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take?”

“Yeah yeah somethin like that”, you past your giggles. “You tryna get out of here?”

Hobie looks at you almost sideways, and if you didn’t know him better, you’d be put off by the glare. “Get out of here and do what exactly? What’re you planning?” He takes a step towards you, covering more ground than you’d anticipated due to his long strides. He was so close.

“I’m not dumb, I can tell you’re trying to trick me into something, but I’m not quite sure what…”

You smile at that, despite telling the truth, he’d managed to tease you in the process. We’re in the clear. “No trick here, not today at least.”

You look at him through thick lashes, “Did you have any ideas Spidey?” you ask coyly.

The punk chuckles,

“Ah, the ol’ playing coy shtick ‘uh? Not that I have anything against it, honest with you I kinda like it.”

Your tone is drenched in sarcasm, “Me? Coy? What kind of women do you take me for?” You’re feigning being offended, and he continues your banter. He laughs in a friendly way, deeply and honestly, a sound you wish was heard more often by the masses.

“Oh trust me you’re not like the other girls. You’re cool.”

“I’m not like other girls,” you say mockingly, trying to keep him amused. “So, what’s the punk down to do?”

Hobie’s face lights up with excitement, “I know just the place. Ever been to a punk rock show? There’s always tons of wankers to hang out with and it’s basically a Beano with loud ass music.”

You’d know about Spider-Man in front of you’s reputation, his subtle flex of eclectic success was something you’d come to admire about him. “I’ve had my fair share of underground events, though I’d call myself more goth than punk, you ever been to a goth club? I’m down to go to one of your shows if the anarchist is down to do some substances with me.”

He perked up at this. “Hell yeah, I’d be down, I love partying. Although, can I ask what kind of… substances you’re planning on using? I wanna make sure I bring the right shit.”

“Fuck no nothing hard, just weed and drinks will do it for me. That’s pretty stereotypical punk shit tho huh?”

“Yeah, well stereotypes exist for a reason. Though the whole ‘punks are stoners’ stereotype always bothers me, I never got why people think punk = drug abuse…” He shrugs.

The hair feels heavier, don’t kill the mood now! “ Well I do love me some weed, and hell yeah it’d be great to drink with you and have fun.” You keep going, hoping to bring that light back to the spider that was there but a moment ago. “I think the whole stereotype thing is stupid, but I totally understand why it doesn’t make sense to you, hating labels and all that.” You punctuate the end of your sentence with a punch to his shoulder.

“Alright, lead the way ‘Obie!”

He chuckles a bit at that, and playfully shoves you back into the portal he’s opened. You always land on your feet as you enter his dimension with a thud. He’s crouched next to you, standing to take off his mask and tuck his suit away.  

“What was that for huh? I know you can punch ‘arder than that.”

He closes the portal and starts walking towards the club, throwing you a glance over his shoulder. He beckons you to follow. “It’s just up this way, hopefully, there won’t be too big of a crowd.” His guard is down now, it’s just you and Hobie Brown, not Spider-Punk and Black Cat, just two “civs” kickin it.

“If you’re down to spar I can show you more than a little punch Bee.” You send a wink at Hobie, hoping the new nickname didn’t make him uncomfortable. “And hey! I thought you were a celebrity, don’t get special treatment even in the underground huh?”

Hobie smirks at that, “Hah. You’re funny.” He peers down at you, despite your above-average stature. “So you wanna spar then? Because now I’m very tempted to see what you can do.” He’s being cheeky, you can hear it in his tone.

Oh, this man was dangerous, and you can’t help the sly smile that makes its way to your face. “Oh, I’d love to show you everything I can do.” You’re sultry now, biting your lip as you gaze up at him.

“Damn, you’re a cocky little cat huh?” He shakes his head laughing, but can’t hide the big smirk forming on his face.

“Don’t think I won’t accept your challenge, because I will…”

“Oh? Is that so? What’s the punk challenging me to do exactly?” You step closer, still looking up at the man, with a smug grin on your face.

“Oh, I think you know…” He smirks at you and steps closer. “Or should I remind you?”

You grab him by his guitar strap, pulling him down until your lips almost touch. “It must’ve slipped my mind, Bert.” You emphasize his name teasingly.

Despite the way your eyelids flutter shut, and how your lips seem to draw each other in, he chuckles and gives you a quick kiss on the lips, still very clearly smug.

“I’m glad I could remind you.”

#hobie brown #hobie x reader #atsv hobie #hobie x you #spider punk #across the spiderverse #atsp spoilers

[bunnidid-reviews]

DID Short Films

Something I really enjoy is watching short films about DID :) it's always intriguing to see what sort of representation can be showed in a few short minutes, and just how much care and attention to detail is put into it.

I don't have the energy to do a full review of each, but here's a lil list of my favorite short DID films, along with some trigger warnings!

___________

Petals of a Rose

Triggers to watch out for:

a non-explicit incestuous childhood sexual abuse flashback (there's a safe version to watch with this part cut out in the same link!)

a safe and gentle non-explicit sex scene

dissociating and switching during sex

spiraling, hitting self, friction between parts

over-crowded dialogue

Things I love about this short:

We get multiple stellar scenes of what it can feel like to have DID - like being overwhelmed in the grocery store, talking yourself through the steps of it all. I really related to a lot of this

A good representation of how both positive and negative triggers can cause switches

communication between parts!

the implication of there being more parts yet to be found and how that's just kind of an accepted reality? I don't know if thats relatable for anyone else, but it really is for me

A LOVING AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP :DDD a partner who loves and supports and listens even if he doesn't fully understands, but clearly wants to. The amount of relief I felt when the partner STAYED with her after experiencing triggers during sex!!

The reiterations at the end that Now Time Is Safe and also, We Deserve to be Loved, and also, Each and every part is appreciated and loved

________________

Alter

Triggers to watch out for:

mild friction between parts

time loss + confusion

Things I love about this short:

The actress who portrayed the parts did a really stunning job with expressing complicated emotions surrounding time loss and the acceptance of a new part showing up

portraying a well-established system with functional multiplicity!

the use of color to portray parts is something I always remember about this one! I love that each part represents a color! I love that you can see all those colors throughout the home and in the outfits!! I love the rainbow-striped shirt she wore in the end with all the alters' colors + extra space, as if to signify that they're ready to accept more parts!!! aaaa!!! Such a great aesthetic to this film

I was SO pleased there really isnt anything triggering about this film. It's important to indicate that trauma creates the disorder, but it's SO nice when we get a bit of a break from the Horrors

supportive therapist :D

_____________

Alters and Me

Triggers to watch out for:

Mentions of trauma/abuse (very general + vague)

use of Alcohol to cope

self harm, visible scars

yelling/crying

Things I love about this short:

I like that this one's more like a general overview of the alters and how our main character came to understand and accept her DID

nonhuman alter representation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (a doggo)

The alter who struggles with alcoholic coping and self harm has a realistic reformation arc and turns out to be a cherished caretaker!!

Overall this one's pretty short, but very down to earth and realistic without being too triggering. I liked it a lot!

_______________________

I'm sure there are others that are good too, but that's my list for now! I tried to choose ones that didn't lean too far into horror trope editing or twists so they're safe for anyone to watch :) I might add to this sometime in the future if I see more

In the meantime, I hope you enjoy! Feel free to let me know your thoughts or share some of your favorites with me, you know I'm always curious to hear about this stuff

#dissociative identity disorder #did in media #actuallydid #bunnidid reviews #media reccs #complex dissociative disorder #did short films #short films #I could not tell you who made this list or why but she's not here now #Youtube

[darkleysgarden]

Into The Alters

A Total Drama Analysis

INTRODUCTION

I have been obsessed with the whole system. I love them all sm. And because of this, I had to analyze them ofc. That's what I always do. I'll start with more general things and then deep dive into the alters and how they formed.

Disclaimer: I do not have DID, nor do I claim to know everything about the condition. I have done my best to try and learn about it and be as accurate as possible. If I make any mistakes or use incorrect terms, please tell me! I'm trying my best and genuinely hope to improve. Tyty.

WARNINGS: I will discuss ableism, child abuse, sexual abuse, overall trauma, potential murder/crimes, and other Total Drama typical things.

Also, whenever I say 'they' or 'them', I'm referring to all the alters or multiple of them.

OVERALL VIEW OF THE SYSTEM

DID often forms from trauma, and this system clearly did form that way. I'll get into it more on the alters individual parts, but the way they act and the roles they take on help prove that their pasts were very traumatic.

What is the goal of them going on Total Drama?: I believe that the goal is to move out. I rewatched it recently, and I remember no mention of the bodies parents, no mention of their pasts other than hints at juvie, nothing. But, Nico, how can you say that it's specifically to move out? Throughout the seasons, it's hinted at that Mike knows little about TD. He's heard of it. He knows general things. Yet, he doesn't understand more niche callbacks. Most of the new cast mentions being huge fans or watching the series before. Mike, to my memory, doesn't. Mike never points out his goal for the million dollars, and the last thing he wants is fame. He even goes against his psychiatrists wishes of going on the show. Why is a million dollars so important to get? To move out. The DID formed from something, right? The most obvious way to form would be because of parents or guardians. And if you don't believe me yet, the only reference as to what they will do with the money is by Mal. Mal says he wants to use the money to live out his life his way in a tower of his own. AKA, he's using the money to move into a new place and gain free will. And I'll go deeper into that in a moment.

EDIT: I just found out that it's basically canon that they were using it to move out. The Fresh TV official blog confirmed that Mike and Zoey moved in together shortly after All Stars. Obviously they would have used the money to do so.

Overall, what I am saying here is that they have a bad home life and are going onto Total Drama to escape that. Both while the show runs and when they win. They even went on two seasons even though the first was stressful enough and they weren't having a great time. When people come back, they have a reason that they detail. Fame or fortune. We never get that from Mike. Because it's personal. It's personal and not something he is willing to share on international TV.

WHAT DOES THE RESET BUTTON DO?

After much research, the reset button does not seem possible to me and I have a new theory on what it actually did.

Via my research, I could be wrong, you cannot get rid of DID entirely. Alters can not be killed. To get rid of Mal would have required Mal to comply with it, and Mal was not complying.

Integration is possible. Parts can be erased. Though, in the end, Mal would come back like seen in the show. He can not be entirely erased because that's just not how DID works. Even integration, forced dormancy, and letting go of alters would take a ton of work and time. Getting rid of Mal would be hard and would be one thing. But to erase all of them and get rid of DID entirely? It's impossible from what I've seen. It's hard to erase a single alter, especially if they don't want to go like Mal. Usually, they leave by decision or go into dormancy on their own. And it seems that usually, if an old alter is erased, a new alter usually will form that is very similar to the old one.

Alternative theory: What do I really think the reset button did? Dormancy.

This would be hard, but not impossible. Like I said before, it's a choice that leads to dormancy and erasure. Aside from Mal, they were all on board with the decision. They would be able to put themselves into hiding in the meantime while Mike sorts his life out. All 5 of them would likely be able to force Mal into dormancy together, especially considering that we know they did it before.

"But Chester directly told us that-"

Chester is not reliable at all. Nobody else knew what it did. They were operating off of what he told them. Chester is shown to have shit memory and not know what he's talking about. He could have easily not explained the button entirely correctly.

I believe that once the show is over, Mike moves out, things settle down, the alters will slowly come out of dormancy as it feels right.

This is probably me being in denial that they're gone, but idc.

SVETLANA

Omg, Svetlana. I am her biggest fan !!!!!

Sorry.

Anyway. I suspect Svetlana is a fictive. Actually, my boyfriend came up with that. I'm stealing it from him. Ask him for more details. Idrk the details.

Basically, Svetlana is extremely detailed. She holds information and memories that seem to have come from outside of the systems experiences. She is too detailed to be a randomly formed alter.

How did she form?: So, I believe the character was off of a book character? I WASN'T THE ONE WHO CAME UP WITH THIS PART. I bet you're thinking, why aren't you researching this? I'm ranting to myself rn okay. I'm just also putting it on the internet for funsies. I'm operating off memory rn. All my research has been done off random questions I've had while pacing around my room at 3AM.

UPDATE: we've changed our minds. There's an Olympic Russian gymnast named Svetlana who has won TONS of awards and holds common references with her. She was also actively competing at the time Mike would have been a kid. So he could have been watching her and wanted to copy her acts. Svetlana Khorkina, if you're interested

Anyway. Young Mike is experimenting with himself. Because that's what every kid does. This doesn't necessarily mean that he's LGBTQ or anything. A boy can try on dresses without that being the case. People experiment with their identity, especially at a young age.

However, people don't like that. Because people are bitches fsr. Idk. And I already speculated before that the bodies' parents aren't great. An alter is forming off a book character he found relatable. The character being female is part of what gave him this interest in looking at feminine stuff. Yet, he got in trouble for it. In that situation, Svetlana would form off of the character, making her a fictive. Yet, she has also become a protector. She is now there to protect the physical aspect of the body. She's the one who works out with her gymnastics. She probably does skin care and that stuff. She knows how to get dressed well. She is there to protect the physical aspect and keep the body healthy.

And she won't fail to defend them from anybody who dislikes a boy wearing makeup or anything of the sorts. Those gymnastics muscles aren't fake bro.

Age speculation: so I don't feel like researching the book more. In fact, I can't even remember if it was a book. So I'm basing this entirely off of canon.

I think she is 14 or so. Though, with her, I can see a lot of fluctuation. I used to think she was more in her 20s. But, I think it makes much more sense for her to be a young teenager. Also, just saying this now, but my age headcanons are just headcanons. So, if I don't work with your ships, you can move them to a degree as long as it isn't weird. JUST DONT MOVE MANITOBA OR VITO MUCH AND ILL GET INTO THAT.

Back to Svetlana, though, she acts a lot like a young teenage girl. We know she has participated in many gymnastics events, and I feel like she wouldn't be so active in doing them if she didn't feel comfortable with the age group, if it wasn't very similar to her own. Which leads me to somewhere teenage. And then idk if it requires an explanation, but she gives 14 year old girl energy.

Also, I have a random silly hc that Svetlana was the only girl that could beat Skye in gymnastics. Svetlana had to participate somewhere, and they're both Canadian and probably would end up at the same competitions. There may be proof to disprove this, but all I've seen is "but the body is male," but Svetlana wouldn't participate in boys' competitions, and maybe people just aren't transphobic. Idk. SVETLANA HAS A TON OF AWARDS IN CANON. SHE ISN'T JUST SAYING THAT. IT'S IN THEIR ROOM. Sorry, I'm off topic.

MANITOBA

Another one of my favorites and another fictive WOOHOO.

So the creators, from what I've seen, have said Manitoba was based on Indiana Jones. And then they took Australian aspects from two non-fictional people.

That's why I've decided to call Manitoba and Indiana Jones fictive.

Formation: Nothing huge to this one. I believe Manitoba formed mostly off comfort. Indiana Jones was a comfort character. A cool explorer who could get out of any situation (I think. Admittedly, I've never actually watched it.)

We see constantly that Manitoba fronts specifically during tough situations that are hard to get out of. He's smarter than the others in many ways. He is always able to call out Mal's slip-ups and lies. He knows what he is doing and is able to protect and save the others from tough times. That is his main purpose as an alter.

Also, I think it's interesting to note that Manitoba says that Mike gets in the way of his relationships, and then Mike said that the alters would ruin his romantic relationships. I'm just saying that Manitoba probably had a love interest we didn't get to see. Idk. Just had to bring that up when talking about him. Listen, I'm analyzing them for the system, but I'm also doing general analysis, okay?

Age speculation: So... I see a lot of people speculating that he is like 20-40. I don't believe that. I placed him at about 18-19.

I couldn't figure out if fictives are always the same age as the character they form off of. But, let's say they are. In that case, I believe that it's highly likely Mike could have formed Manitoba off of the 13 year old Indiana Jones River Pheonix played. Then he continued to age.

The reason I don't like the older headcanons is mainly because he flirted with Zoey and was implied to be in past relationships. Obviously, these people wouldn't be far off from Mike's age. Going off of a 17 year old Mike, Manitoba is only 2 years older. I also just don't see it fitting for him to be much older? I can see him acting 20-25, but like I said I prefer it younger as it makes more sense with his relationships.

We never see Chester flirt with anyone for this reason. He's too old for them. It would be weird for Manitoba to flirt with them if it was the same case. And speaking of Chester...

CHESTER

Ima be so honest. I'm not hugely interested in Chester. Yet, I do think he's interesting in the aspect that he is different. And I believe he is an introject (if that's the correct term).

Mike's parents were shit in this speculation. He would search for someone outside of them. Like a grandparent. I also want to credit deranged_royal on tiktok as she formed most of my Chester headcanons and helped further my other analyses. She also has really cool cosplays. So follow her rn.

How he formed: Mike looked up to some kind of grandparent figure who ended up dying. He was hurt by this as he had nobody else to look up to. Therefore, an introject formed. It seems that introjects of people systems know in real life often form off of people that provide them comfort or have died. So, I think this makes sense.

Age speculation: 60-80

I feel like old people don't really act differently after they hit 60 or so, so I don't really know. He's probably older because of the issues he has.

Sorry, Chester is so short. I don't have too much to say about him. We don't get a lot of him, and I feel like he is very easy and simple to understand. I love his scenes, though. He's so silly.

VITO

So we all agree Vito is the sexual protector? All right. Thanks. This one goes more into sexual assault and sexual situations!!!

Formation: I actually have two separate theories for this. They both lie in sexual assault. But I'm leaning towards a sexually abusive ex over guardians.

The reason I think this is largely based on how he acts with Anne Maria. Also, the tiktoker I mentioned earlier also noted that he only fronts when the body becomes stripped of clothing. Interesting detail....

I love Annito. I'm their biggest fan, actually. I'm working on rewriting their entire wiki rn because all the system wikis are outdated. I love them sm. Break from the sadness. Look at the cuties.

Anyway. Have you ever noticed how attached Vito gets? He meets Anne Maria, and she is all he can think about from then on. He does anything even if it annoys him just to see her again. Assault survivors tend to get attached easily to those who show them positive attention. Also, they want to take charge of the more sexual aspects. Vito starts making out with Anne Maria within about 5 minutes of meeting.

Anne Maria gives him the interest, care, and control he seeks in a relationship. And now he clings to her. And they're healthy. I LOVE THEM AHHHHHH. Sorry. They're perfect together.

Age speculation: 17-18. This one is obvious to me. He acts like every high school senior. Plus, Anne Maria was 16 in roti. He's no more than 1-2 years older than her. Especially since she thought he was the host before the DID discovery. That means she thought he was about 16. Would be weird if he wasn't.

MIKE

Wowzers. We're at the host!

Okay. Mike, I get it you have internalized ableism. This issue, however, leads to a lot of mistreatment of his headmates. He acts like he owns them, which isn't a positive thing to do.

I love Mike a lot, but I will not erase his actions.

He never allows anyone to front unless it is for use. For example, Svetlana, if it's a physical situation. Then after he fronts immediately again. They even imply that he was never in headspace, meaning that he would only ever let them co front or would fully dissociate.

He didn't let them be their own people, which is really sad. He also didn't allow them their own relationships. Though they have as much of a right to those relationships as Mike does.

Just because Mike is the host or the 'first' doesn't mean that he isn't still an alter. He becomes an alter the second an alter forms for the first time. He is now only one of the people who shares the body.

Also, this may be controversial, but I don't like how Zoey treats Mike. 😕 I don't really have strong opinions outside of their relationship on her. But, I dislike how she, even after a year of dating, seems to not understand anything about his DID. Plus, she always brushes off every other alter and doesn't try to be friends with them or anything. Instead of helping with Mal, she just acted like Mike was lying to her. I like their friendship, but I can't ship Zoke for those reasons.

I could say more about that, but this isn't a Zoke hate post. Mb bros. I probably just lost a few of you. Too bad, so sad. Mal is the best part. You're gonna miss him.

I know I have more to say on him, but I am honestly blanking right now. It's hard to say more about him as he didn't form the same way as the others. I don't really know much about the first alter, so I don't really want to say more for that reason, too.

MAL

Oh, boy. Buckle up.

Idek where to start. I'll accidentally leave out sm because I have sm...

Formation: Mal was the first alter after Mike to form. I'm confident in this for sm reasons. For example, none of the other alters knew about if Mike or Mal formed first. Let's say Svetlana formed after Manitoba. Manitoba would know he was there before she formed as they all actively communicated with each other. Though, they all formed before juvie as they knew about that whole situation personally.

Therefore, I'd say that Mike and Mal have known each other since Mike was about 6. Which makes sense with the research I've done about formation ages. And this is why they know each other so well. Mal is able to imitate Mike extremely well. What gave him away was WHISTLING. And then the bracelet/necklace thing, but like, that has nothing to do with how well he knows Mike's personality.

He knows everything about Mike. And Mike NEEDED him. That is explicitly said by Mal and confirmed by Mike. Mal was formed to protect Mike from abusive or traumatic experiences. And that is why Mal is the way he is largely.

Mal experienced a traumatic childhood. And I believe he's younger than Mike. When Mike is 17, I believe he is only 13-15.

I believe that Mal is terrified of the fact that Mike doesn't need him anymore. So scared that when Mike is put under a ton of stress on the show, Mal fronts full time to take the situation into his hands. He still wants the same goal as the others, to move away. But he is doing it his own way. Also, notice how much he targeted Zoey? He hated anyone getting close to his headmates. He wants to protect them.

"How do you explain him being so rude?"

He is a kid who had a bad childhood. Because of this, he wants to take out the pain he received and push it onto others as well. That's why he's so aggressive. And part of it is just him being a devious 13 y/o.

And, don't forget that that kid was in jail.

Speaking of, he ran the place, right?

Of course, he would want to run the place. It's a whole jail troupe for a reason that you need to make yourself feared. If everyone was scared of him, nobody would hurt him.

That brings me to what I think got Mal into juvie.

Self protection murder.

From what I've seen of the laws, I believe he could go to juvie instead of adult jail for this based on the trial. And if it's self-protection against an abusive person, he could get off with less. I believe. I'm no expert on Canadian law or law in general.

Why do I think this?

Well, Mal had to do something pretty bad to have everyone fearing him. A young kid with a body at like 13 (my guess for body age when in jail), who committed murder. Everyone would stray away. Especially if Mal left out the details and claimed it was in cold blood.

Mal likely fronted most of the time during juvie. He had to go through that rough and scary situation. He went through all of this traumatic stuff.

And then...

Mike forced him into dormancy.

He loves Mike and wants to protect him. Yet, he holds a grudge against him. Mike formed him and made him suffer, and then now tries to get rid of him.

Of course Mal would be upset.

How he acts in All Stars is heavily based on a mix of his grudge against Mike, his trauma, his young age, his time in jail, and overall the nature of the alter he was formed to be.

Mal was formed to be someone stronger and more protective. He wasn't supposed to back down. He was supposed to save them all from that abuse.

But, he's still young and still his own person. It's going to take a toll on him. Especially if he only got to front during the bad times. He now only knows how to take out his anger as a way to protect himself and his headmates.

I know I have a lot more to say about Mal, too. But it's getting late and I'm tired and blanking.

EXTRA

I suspect that after juvie, they were placed into therapy and some sort of foster care. Even if they aren't in an actively abusive home now, they wouldn't trust that it couldn't turn bad. Plus, they would want their own space and control after everything.

So, I'm gonna end it here for now. It's midnight and I'm eepy.

Tell me if I made any mistakes please!!! On canon info or on DID or whatever

If you want more details on any headcanon or have any questions or anything put it in my asks. I love receiving asks. I'll gladly rant to whoever is interested.

Though, for now, I'm tired. Night night.

Live, laugh, love Svetlana.

#mal total drama #svetlana total drama #total drama #chester total drama #vito total drama #manitoba total drama #mike total drama #td roti #td all stars #mal td #mike td #total drama theory #total drama analysis #did system #here is my in depth system analysis #i love them #this took a long time #but probably less than youd think #dissociative identity disorder #child abuse #trauma #idk what to tag #anne maria x vito #annito #vitanne #vito x anne maria #zoke #zoke hater #mb yall

[puraiuddo]

So by popular demand here is my own post about

and why

This case will not affect fanwork.

The actual legal complaint that was filed in court can be found here and I implore people to actually read it, as opposed to taking some rando's word on it (yes, me, I'm some rando).

The Introductory Statement (just pages 2-3) shouldn't require being fluent in legalese and it provides a fairly straightforward summary of what the case is aiming to accomplish, why, and how.

That said, I understand that for the majority of people 90% of the complaint is basically incomprehensible, so please give me some leeway as I try to condense 4 years of school and a 47 page legal document into a tumblr post.

To abbreviate to the extreme, page 46 (paragraph 341, part d) lays out exactly what the plaintiffs are attempting to turn into law:

"An injunction [legal ruling] prohibiting Defendants [AI] from infringing Plaintiffs' [named authors] and class members' [any published authors] copyrights, including without limitation enjoining [prohibiting] Defendants from using Plaintiff's and class members' copyrighted works in "training" Defendant's large language models without express authorization."

That's it. That's all.

This case is not even attempting to alter the definition of "derivative work" and nothing in the language of the argument suggests that it would inadvertently change the legal treatment of "derivative work" going forward.

I see a lot of people throwing around the term "precedent" in a frenzy, assuming that because a case touches on a particular topic (eg “derivative work” aka fanart, fanfiction, etc) somehow it automatically and irrevocably alters the legal standing of that thing going forward.

That’s not how it works.

What's important to understand about the legal definition of "precedent" vs the common understanding of the term is that in law any case can simultaneously follow and establish precedent. Because no two cases are wholly the same due to the diversity of human experience, some elements of a case can reference established law (follow precedent), while other elements of a case can tread entirely new ground (establish precedent).

The plaintiffs in this case are attempting to establish precedent that anything AI creates going forward must be classified as "derivative work", specifically because they are already content with the existing precedent that defines and limits "derivative work".

The legal limitations of "derivative work", such as those dictating that only once it is monetized are its creators fair game to be sued, are the only reason the authors can* bring this to court and seek damages.

*this is called the "grounds" for a lawsuit. You can't sue someone just because you don't like what they're doing. You have to prove you are suffering "damages". This is why fanworks are tentatively "safe"—it's basically impossible to prove that Ebony Dark'ness Dementia is depriving the original creator of any income when she's providing her fanfic for free. On top of that, it's not worth the author’s time or money to attempt to sue Ebony when there's nothing for the author to monetarily gain from a broke nerd.

Pertaining to how AI/ChatGPT is "damaging" authors when Ebony isn't and how much of an unconscionable difference there is between the potential profits up for grabs between the two:

Page 9 (paragraphs 65-68) detail how OpenAI/ChatGPT started off as a non-profit in 2015, but then switched to for-profit in 2019 and is now valued at $29 Billion.

Pages 19-41 ("Plaintiff-Specific Allegations") detail how each named author in the lawsuit has been harmed and pages 15-19 ("GPT-N's and ChatGPT’s Harm to Authors") outline all the other ways that AI is putting thousands and thousands of other authors out of business by flooding the markets with cheap commissions and books.

The only ethically debatable portion of this case is the implications of expanding what qualifies as "derivative work".

However, this case seems pretty solidly aimed at Artificial Intelligence, with very little opportunity for the case to establish precedent that could be used against humans down the line. The language of the case is very thorough in detailing how the specific mechanics of AI means that it copies* copywritten material and how those mechanics specifically mean that anything it produces should be classified as "derivative work" (by virtue of there being no way to prove that everything it produces is not a direct product of it having illegally obtained and used** copywritten material).

*per section "General Factual Allegations" (pgs 7-8), the lawsuit argues that AI uses buzzwords ("train" "learn" "intelligence") to try to muddy how AI works, but in reality it all boils down to AI just "copying" (y'all can disagree with this if you want, I'm just telling you what the lawsuit says)

**I see a lot of people saying that it's not copyright infringement if you're not the one who literally scanned the book and uploaded it to the web—this isn't true. Once you "possess" (and downloading counts) copywritten material through illegal means, you are breaking the law. And AI must first download content in order to train its algorithm, even if it dumps the original content nano-seconds later. So, effectively, AI cannot interact with copywritten material in any capacity, by virtue of how it interacts with content, without infringing.

Now that you know your fanworks are safe, I'll provide my own hot take 🔥:

Even if—even if—this lawsuit put fanworks in jeopardy... I'd still be all for it!

Why? Because if no one can make a living organically creating anything and it leads to all book, TV, and movie markets being entirely flooded with a bunch of progressively more soulless and reductive AI garbage, what the hell are you even going to be making fanworks of?

But, no, actually because the dangers of AI weaseling its way into every crevice of society with impunity is orders of magnitude more dangerous and detrimental to literal human life than fanwork being harder to access.

Note to anyone who chooses to interact with this post in any capacity: Just be civil!

#fanfiction #ao3 #fanart #copyright law #copyright #chatgpt #openai #openai lawsuit #chatgpt lawsuit #author's guild #author's guild lawsuit #george rr martin #george rr martin lawsuit #copyright infringement #purs essays #purs post #purs discourse

[realcatalina]

Random saints by Sittow or Catherine of Aragon's parents?

Read further if you wish to know what my theory is.

I first found this photo with mention it is by Sittow and at first I thought it is another portrait of Catherine. But quickly I realised this woman looks older and the features are not exactly the same.

The nose is much narrower. And I started to wonder...we know that Sittow painted at least one portrait of Queen Isabella I of Castile.

And she had such nose. I could exclude possibility some of Catherine's sisters looked like this too, but women in that family tended to be very young-looking for really long.

So the age of sitter already is suggesting that it could be based upon Isabella towards end of her life. And it is also odd for depiction of Virgin Mary to depict woman who is not young...it is point in Isabella's favour.

While many claim Sittow painted Isabella in 1485, he was only born in 1468/1469 and didn't even become indipended master until at least 1488. He is first recorded working in Toledo in 1492. So he'd always be only able to depict Isabella over age of 40. And tbh, if this is her..then she looks great for somebody over 40!

But where is this image? It took me while to track down.

It's detail from wings of theThe Passion Altarpiece (Tallinn), its middle part is from c.1515-1520(with some 17th century additions) by different artist.

But I am not so sure how accurate is the dating of the outer wings by Sittow(1518-1525) which are in very different style, and might have originally belong to different altar middle.

If it is indeed 1518-1525 dating, then imo they are posthumous depictions based upon earlier sketches done from life. Sittow reusing those old sketches, using them as inspiration for his later work.

Link to photos only. Left pannel: https://artsandculture.google.com/asset/the-passion-altarpiece-outer-wing-with-the-virgin-mary-and-apostle-james-the-greater-paintings-of-the-outer-side-of-the-wings-by-michel-sittow-and-his-workshop/BwFnRG1v6gRqmQ

Right pannel: https://arthive.com/artists/75951~Michel_Sittow/works/526786~Saint_Adrian_and_Saint_Anthony

As to where they are located?

-Niguliste Museum(housed in former St. Nicholas' Church), which is part of Art Museum of Estonia(which combines collections from 3 other buildings+ this church). Hence in Tallin, Estonia but be aware there is over 3 km distance in between the church and other buildings.

But if anybody could go there and get us some pictures it'd be great (if it is allowed). Currently Niguliste Museum has exhibition about Sittow:

But back to the pannels. The left one depicts Madonna(Virgin Mary holding baby Jesus) and St. James the Great(apostle and patron saint of Spain:

And please note that Tudor rose is combination of red and white rose and not always it was depicted as inner rose white, outer red. Sometimes they were halfed, with inner rose sometiems also switched.

Of course it could be some foreign coat of arms or later alteration.

Right pannel:

Here the coat of arms looks much newer and is probably altered(and if pomegranate turned out to be beneath it, I'd just die...)

The right pannel is depicting two male saints. On right is St Anthony the Great...was father of monasticism(of monastic life)...thus very important saint in christianity...

and on left St. Adrian of Nicomedia(2nd most popular military saint after St. George), and imo that's probably King Ferdinand II of Aragon:

It's not great likeness(brows not arched enough, looks bit slimmer, alla of nose not as defined), but overall it's enough of resemblence to not be able to exclude the possibility.

But if this is indeed done years after Sittow was in Spain...and he is reusing his old sketches of catholic monarchs to create this new religious scene(perhaps initially intended for them too, but never made into finished work before), then it is also possible that sketch done in pencil has partially rubbed off...and thus the differences in face of this male.

I think that if this was done while in Spain, such big differences are not very likely to occur. Not that pencil could not rub off, but I think Sittow would have noticed and cared about getting absolutely righ(to please his patrons) and thus would have corrected it.

Ehm, this kitty is supposed to be a lion:

But you must be wondering, if Isabella indeed had this most vivid golden hair colour I always go on and on about, why does she have red hair here?

Several options to pick from: Pigments going wrong, Isabella's hair possibly turning to more reddish hues towards end of her life, or simply discoloured pinkish varnish which was very oddly applied...and on baby's skin you can see where somebody applied only one layer and where they went with brush for 2nd time.

If entire pannel has this varnish on, then it'd affect the hair, turning it more red. Why would such varnish not be removed? Sometimes money is tight and museums have multiple paintings to care for and those paintings in fairly good condition have to wait longer.

And sometimes it is not possible to remove discoloured varnish without harming the painting beneath.

Also worth of nothing is that Virgin Mary's dress is typically not teal, but vividly blue, the very best most expensive most vivid blue pigments were very often reserved for depicting the Virgin Mary:

Sometimes due to budget cost cheaper substitues were used, and those tend to fade.

Hence imo the colours originally might have been intended to be more like this(yes, I photoshopped it):

(I didn't change damn thing about male figure, just brightened it. But tbh I played with the woman's dress, skin and hair for while.)

I mean if it looked like this now, fans of catholic monarchs would probably be all over it already.

But people overlook these dark slightly pinkish images located all the way in Estonia, even though it is atributed to Sittow himself!

(I don't mean people in Estonia, I mean people who search for Isabella's lost portrait by Sittow and stubbornly stuck to their favourite which is not even by Sittow!)

I honestly thought that people searching for lost portrait of Isabella by Sittow would have by now checked all his work, to see if perhaps she is there somewhere! Just doesn't look teen or young adult.

So I want you to be aware, if you're on quest of finding Isabella by Sittow's in that portrait with emerald necklace that this is imo the face you're looking for :

Possibly with hair bit more golden and skin more fair:

And it doesn't matter she doesn't look 20! She is still very beautiful.

Hence imo, these are Catherine of Aragon's parents, depicted in disguise of saints:

But I think they were likely painted years after Sittow left Spain, and his old sketches of them have been reused to create these pannels. I hope the experts will one day look more into this possibility.

I hope you've enjoyed this, and tell me what you think. Am I onto something or am I chasing shadows?

#historical portraits #isabella of castile #ferdinand of aragon #Isabella I of Castile #Ferdinand II of Aragon #sittow

[theresattrpgforthat]

Mint Reviews: Eureka Investigative Urban Fantasy, by @anim-ttrpgs

The following is a review for Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy, a game currently in playtesting, set to be put up onto Kickstarter later this year. I received the playtest copy of the game in exchange for this review.

Eureka is a game about solving mysteries in an urban fantasy setting. It's meant to be dangerous and constantly keeping you guessing. The copy that I reviewed is a playtest copy, which is important to keep in mind for two reasons. One, because I was reviewing it before it's been subjected to proper layout, and addition of art. Two, because there may be changes to the game that alter the play experience that I would be expecting from this initial read-through. I certainly expect the authors to change or include new things before releasing the final version.

The mechanics of Eureka centre on rolling 2d6 and adding a modifier somewhere between -3 and +3. Your result will be one of three options: a Full Success, a Partial Success, or a Failure. Characters are made up of composite parts: you will have traits that give your character modifiers or special abilities, as well as two different health tracks, an Investigation Points Track, character morale/composure, and a list of gear.

Some of the central mechanics outside of the graded success of action roles involve Character Truths and the Investigation Track. Character Truths are personality quirks that tell you something core to your investigator, and reward role-play that is true to the character even if strategically it's a bad option.

As your characters look for clues, they will collect Investigation points every time they uncover a clue or fail a roll. Once they fill their Investigation track, they get something called a Eureka - a resource that gives the player the chance to tilt the narrative in their favour.

Damage in this game is layered: your characters have Superficial HP, and Penetrative HP. These tracks work interdependently of each-other, with Superficial HP bleeding into Penetrative HP if it fills up first. If you are familiar with the bashing damage and lethal damage of World of Darkness games, this system should be very familiar.

Stars:

The setting is very interesting and flexible, which means that if your group is very interested in urban fantasy, but you don't want to learn all of the big systems out there, Eureka is an option that only requires you to learn one system.

The game is designed to elevate suspense; the GM and the players are encouraged to keep secrets from each-other, and combat is often lethal.

The Woo Roll: a mechanic in gun combat that gives your characters some interesting moments when shooting a gun: after all, bullets don't just hit people, they also hit leaking pipes, fire extinguishers, innocent bystanders....

Wishes:

This game has a lot of rules (which is not necessarily a bad thing). There are three chapters dedicated to different kinds of combat and 2-3 chapters that need to be read to understand how characters work. As a result, however, I wish there was an index, to make finding pieces of information easier.

I wish there were more safety tools available in this game. I'm in the camp of preferring safety tools regardless of table or genre, but especially in horror games and games with suspense, there are elements of Eureka that could very easily trouble players who don't know what they've signed up for. The game encourages players to keep secrets from each-other, and prompts the GM to surprise the players with the kinds of horror that could be just around the corner. This isn't to say that a horror game shouldn't have some kind of surprise involved, but having a detailed Session 0 to talk about what is or is not on the table for everyone involved, as well as a method to signal that something in game is crossing Lines, would go so far here.

There are recommendations about what the characters should avoid playing (cops, FBI agents, etc.), but I found very little guidance about what kinds of characters should consider. I'd have loved to see some pre-generated suggestions for reasons as to why the characters are working together, especially because players are asked to create characters that want to work together, not characters that are ready to fight each-other given the opportunity.

Other Notes:

This is not Powered by the Apocalypse, and I think it's important to recognize that if you're thinking about buying Eureka. The rolls take inspiration from many PbtA games in that you roll 2d6 and get a staggered success, but the game is not designed for generative play. PbtA games ask you to play to find out what happens, but Eureka is designed to run pre-written modules, where the clues are thought of beforehand and the answers have already been determined. I read the dice rules and thought this game was PbtA, but once I saw the detail to which the authors explained how to use skills and handle combat, I felt like this game was actually closer to something like Chronicles of Darkness.

This game requires a lot of preparation, especially for the GM. If you are running this game, you will need to co-ordinate the character creation for each player separately, as the game recommends that the players not know what is going on inside other character sheets. It also requires you to convert the NPCs and villains from other adventures into Eureka's stats, because NPCs in this game roll just like PCs do.

This game lives on secrets. There are fantastical options in this game but the author recommends that the GM keeps much of the magical elements secret from the players. If there is a monstrous character, they are expected to keep that secret even from other players at the table - at least until a dramatically appropriate moment.

For me, I don't think I am the target audience for Eureka. There is a lot of guidance in this book for specific situations and expected problems at the table, which might be helpful for GMs that prefer planning to improv or for GMs that are unsure about how to adjudicate certain questions at the table. However, I feel like the 2d6 mechanic feels so close to PbtA for me that I think I would have a hard time separating my play patterns cultivated from PbtA play in order to run this game the way I would run a game like Chronicles of Darkness.

I understand why pvp conflict in a horror game might not be what the party wants, especially if the entire group needs to be on the same page to defeat a larger horror, but if the characters are discovering as they play that one of them is using very different talents and skills, the response to react with distrust or hostility is a very likely event - and the lack of moves to play through interesting character conflicts would make resolving those reactions very tricky for me.

Conclusion

If you are interested in games that encourage secret keeping and hidden agendas, and if you like games with a bit of crunch and freedom to character creation, Eureka might be worth checking out. If you prefer Powered-by-the-Apocalypse style games that focus on generative play, I recommend looking at something a little different.

#mint reviews #eureka #indie ttrpgs #tabletop games #fantasy #mystery

[granulesofsand]

TW: Programming talk [not in depth]

I saw you answer an ask about RAMCOA and questioning if someone suspects they have been through it, something like that. I have a similar question, definitely from the same vein, and I'll try to keep this relatively simple. Some context is required for our specific case and why we are asking, but a general answer is also appreciated.

My general question is that: could someone not remember the RAMCOA they experienced?

I have suspected that my system contains programmed alters, but we have no tangible memories of RAMCOA. I feel like I would remember something like going through RAMCOA, if that makes sense.

This question comes from a place of pure ignorance, to be so honest and upfront. I've tried to do my due diligence when looking into RAMCOA and others' experiences, but every time we look into it, we have to take a huge break because of repeated triggering of what we think would be one of the programmed alters we suspect [of which there are five alters we suspect are programmed]. On top of that, bringing up him, and the subsystem he's from [all of which are suspected to be programmed alters], in therapy has been counterproductive for our safety. The last time we tried, he [the specific alter] triggered us to have a psychotic episode for 2 weeks, and it was dangerous for us. It was such a drop of a pin, snap of a finger trigger that it was jarring and terrifying. Straight up terrifying. I haven't experienced an episode so severe since I was medicated for my psychosis symptoms [so like,, 6+ years].

Our therapist tried to reassure us by saying that 'your brain split him because you needed him', but I cannot FATHOM why my brain would split off him [whose sole purpose is to trigger those episodes, as well as a second purpose I won't state] or any of the alters we suspect are programmed. They cannot deviate from whatever purpose they had before, and our usual approach with getting alters to work with the system, rather than against it, simply does not work. New approaches? Those don't seem to work either [or we just haven't found a way yet, ig]. He and the others can't deviate from what we call their 'scripts', just for the sake of labeling the experience we're going through. We don't even know if that [scripts, but in the way we are using it] is specifically a RAMCOA term, but we can't understand their behavior and that's the closest thing we can call it without calling it 'programming' or 'programmed behaviors', which we are unsure of it actually being that because of the lack of memories of RAMCOA [circled it back to the question].

Feel free not to answer this ask and straight up delete it. Your system's safety is more important to me than knowing the answer /gen/. Especially since I can't even say I will see you answer because I don't follow you, and likely one of the two gatekeepers from that bunch of [suspected to be programmed] alters will eat the memory of sending in the ask. I just generally don't have a place to ask this, and bringing it up in therapy isn't an option at this current time if the specific alter keeps getting retriggered. The only reason the gatekeeper of the subsystem [of the possibly programmed alters- the gatekeeper is his own can of worms] is letting me send this ask in is because of the anon feature and not being a follower.

🗝️🏷️ deprogramming, programming, neither with much detail

As always, I can’t tell you anything for certain. You can take as much of this answer as you find useful, and it’s just as good if that’s none of it.

You can absolutely have survived RAMCOA and not be aware of it. Systems are usually programmed so they don’t remember, and that can include the alters with the jobs.

Our system was designed to have at least three alters for every program; one who was present for/remembers the pain of the programming, one who formed in response to/to hold the beliefs of the programming, and one who carries out the assigned task.

The three are usually together under one shell, which looks like one alter to the rest of us, and have amnesia barriers between them. Sometimes they’re in different areas, or have some kind of bond that connects them in separate forms.

We also struggle with uncooperative insiders. Building trust takes a long time, and they were not sitting patiently while we worked on that. They had been taught to view the others they were hurting as subhuman, and continued to do their assigned tasks and disrupt healing.

Programming isn’t required to get alters who function this way, but deprogramming follows a similar process.

When the symptoms are present, or if you can interact with this insider without those, ask them why they do it. Ideally, start respectful. Keep asking questions, and acknowledge the good of whatever they’re doing— that helps them to feel understood, and they will have some reason for doing their task.

Sometimes the first answer (that isn’t cussing, staring, or leaving) is along the lines of “because I want to” or “you deserve it”. This is where you ask follow-up questions, such as why they want to or what you did wrong.

It might take negotiating to speak to them at all, and they’re likely to give an answer that riles you up. Regardless of what they meant by it, you have the bestest (/src) role of mediating and gentle parenting them. You might not actually be much better, but you gotta present a face that they can trust, and you can’t break that trust once you get it (as in try not to and make repairs when you do).

With programmed systems, a lot of alters are formed while the body is young. Our group programmed to have systems regulate themselves by 13, and programming typically stops before the system is expected to start their own life around 20. That often leaves insiders, particularly those who never surfaced, stuck at whatever developmental age the body was at when they were trained.

It’d be easiest to ask them how hold they are and how old the body was when they were around, but you might be guessing if they’re not talkative. Try not to talk above their developmental age, and use basic words where you can without using a baby voice at them.

Showing fear is unlikely to help, but so is aggression. Meet them where they are, match their tone and posturing unless it triggers defensiveness in them, and practice asking questions without interrogating, which some programmers teach lockdowns for.

And that’s the game; you keep trying and make sure they can understand when you address them. Working on memories happens when they’re ready for it, so you likely won’t have confirmation for a while.

In the meantime, make sure they’re comfortable wherever they are (as opposed to stuck in memories), and make some safety plans until you can ask for their jobs to be undone or turned down.

I think asks are supposed to show up in your notifications when they’re answered, so maybe you’ll see this. If you do, I’m sorry it’s all vague and grueling. Welcome to deprogramming, whether you need it once or a thousand times over.

#ramcoa #tw ramcoa #did osdd #osddid #polyfragmented system #traumagenic system #cdd system #adaptive system #ec did #hc did #pg did #ramcoa programming

[mothxmoons]

Isekai au/ transported au

I’m indulging

Yandere.

Let’s say, you were playing resident evil, the original, maybe even the hd remaster, but the original.

It was very late at night, your eyes were drooping, and the next thing you know, you are tumbling through the night sky like a fucking meteor.

Into the earth you laid, alive somehow, but unconscious and that’s when the government found you. Obviously, you were not a meteor, but you were even more intriguing. They brought you into a base, checked up on you, ran a couple of tests, doing a basic medical analysis, all the while the higher-ups decided what to do about this development.

When you woke, you were not in your room anymore, and this was not any hospital you’ve ever been in. A nurse was very shocked to see you awake and immediately grabbed a man. Too over-dressed to be a doctor, but didn’t have the air of someone incredibly important. He asked you about how this happened and when you recounted what you were doing, he was silent. He left after a couple more questions, and a doctor came in next.

The doctor showed great surprise about your recovery time, how far you fell and that you even survived, let alone woke up. He told you about your abnormal blood and body, which was odd to you. This is not what doctors normally shared with patients. You were not in a normal hospital.

The doctor went into detail about how every x-ray resulted in a corruption, and your blood was abnormal in the sense that while it was obviously blood but they couldn’t recognize it. How your wounds healed incredibly fast, your skin was incredibly tough too, breaking several needles before they could even get a sample. It took finding an open wound from the fall to get a sample, and even that wound was very small and not life threatening. It seemed as though you were essentially immortal.

There was also something…dangerous about your blood but the doctor wouldn’t say what it was. So he’ll tell about everything else but not that? Sounds fake but ok. The doctor left to let you recover in peace and quiet, with only the sound of the nurses and doctors chattering outside the door, and the muffled ring of the telephones. Where were you?

You wouldn’t find out until that well-dressed man stepped back into your room, apologizing for the intrusion, but stating that he was given orders about you. Was he a government employee? But why would…that doesn’t make any sense. The man stated that you were to train to become a government agent, so they could keep an eye on you, make sure no one else could use you.

Oh. That made sense now. You knew where you were now. You agreed, mainly because you didn’t have a choice, you didn’t really like these guys but they were better than nothing. The man nodded and stated that tomorrow you’ll be escorted to training grounds in a remote location, an id for you will be provided seeing as the date you provided was over 40 years in the future. As well as a house, furniture and extra clothing. No one in the agency will know about your situation, unless you, yourself, approve of them knowing.

The next day, very early, you were allowed to get up and walk around. Getting used to your body again, you felt much better.

The man came back, with some other suits of course, and led you into a helicopter to where you’ll be trained for the next couple of months or so, depending on how your training goes.

Your training came easily to you, it seemed that this world altered your body ever so slightly, allowing you to be strong, durable, and incredible at aiming, stealth, sprinting, jumping, and fighting. Your senses were incredibly enhanced, which was a little hard to get used to. It was a little nauseating when you first realized.

It took a couple of months to get everything down, but you did it. You were informed that you would be sent straight to Raccoon City, a name you didn’t think you’d actually hear being spoken to you. You were ready for it now but everything was still a little new to you.

What you also didn’t expect that upon arrival, you were requested to join the alpha team, by their captain. When you questioned the man about how the captain even knew about you, he said your arrival was expected, as the other trainees took notice of you too. Guess you didn’t notice those stares…

The captain, which means you get to meet Wesker. You would have to be careful, use his ego against him to prevent him from learning a lot about you. Ah but it also meant meeting Chris and Jill. That’s something to look forward to.

The first meeting with the team was awkward in your mind, but it went well in the others’ mind. You could feel the captain’s gaze on the back of your neck every time you two were in the same room. You knew exactly why. And you were afraid if he knew too much about you.

For Wesker, it seemed like a simple information and return mission. Be the spy on the inside and return when he had enough to accurately predict the moves of the STARS teams, and maybe destroy them from the inside. However, he did not expect a new development, you. He had received information that you had just appeared out of no where on the training grounds with nothing more than an id and three government employees escorting you.

Another interesting thing that the other rookies would talk about you was…you never really showed emotion. It was because you knew basically everything that was going to happen, so nothing came as a surprise to you. It intrigued him, a little.

So he did a little digging on his own, but his security clearance was not enough. There was nothing about you in the systems, just a note of your health from a couple of months ago. Even that held little information, blood test came back corrupted, rerun requested, wow thanks stupid sticky note. The next best thing was to have you placed on his team, and with some new rookies constantly chattering about your skill it shouldn’t be too difficult to persuade Irons to let it happen.

You were not what he was expecting when you showed up. You looked normal, you acted normal, you were normal. And yet…there was something off. He decided to keep a close eye on you as you became acclimated to your new work space. He watched you work and train with the others, it wasn’t until you straight up flipped Chris did he decide he wanted to see for himself.

You two became sparring partners after that, you could read him and his movements easily. It was thrilling for him. You were so incredibly fascinating to him. He doesn’t know a lot about you but perhaps you could still be of use.

He took note of everything you did, mentally or on paper. The way your body doesn’t injure or bruise even though it took a heavy blow or cut. How you could easily read his movements and dodge like it was as easy as breathing. When you did take a heavy blow from him it didn’t even move you back an inch. You were so fascinating.

Be it the scientist in him but he couldn’t help but watch and take note of you as you fought. Whether it be though training or in mission. Speaking of missions, he was very interested in staying together with you on missions. You always seemed to know when to pull away from a loosing battle and take a better position. He couldn’t help but hover over you when you were set up in a sniping position. Or when you were covering him, it really felt like he could rely on you. Especially when you would grab his hand and pull him away from danger.

The two of you talking started off as him trying to pry information about you from you. However you always managed to spin the conversation around on him without even letting him know anything about you.

He knew basic things, like what your favorite color was, where you like to eat and hang out, but that was it.

Your hobbies, background, where you grew up and where you got your education? You mentioned nothing.

In fact you would tell Chris and Jill a lot of things about you that you wouldn’t even say in front of Wesker. It felt bad to him. He didn’t know why. He didn’t like the feeling. Not one bit.

Chris and sometimes Jill would come up to you and gift you something, be it food, or something innocuous from the store, and to you you’d say, “Just like how my parents made.” Or, “Just like when I was a kid.” It made him…angry that you told Chris and Jill things you wouldn’t tell him. It only pushed him more to know you. Who are you? Where did you come from? And why does the government go through such lengths to keep your information private? Why did people higher up send you on solo missions, even though you were his subordinate? He wanted to know.

So he took to getting to know you…as a friend. Which was odd to him but it was actually very nice. You didn’t judge him, or fawn over his looks. You two simply talked, for hours. Next thing you know, he’s on a date with you. How did this happen? Not even he knows. It just came out of his mouth when you two were chatting in his office. No one knew when or when you two suddenly became closer, but it kept the captain off their back so they didn’t mind.

One date became two, two became three, and so on and so forth. Soon you two were spending time in each other’s homes, tangled together, waking up together. It was so domestic, which was strange to the both of you. You knew this wouldn’t last much longer, so why not live out this fantasy.

He had already planned on leading the entirety of the STARS team into the mansion and leaving them to die. But you added something to the table. To die a mystery…that sounds like a bad story to him. He figured he could get the information he needed, and fake the others’ deaths, and leave with just you and him. Sounded lovely, sounded easy, but you were incredibly smart and picked up on things quickly. He’d have to be very sneaky with his actions.

You already knew what would happen at the mansion, hell, you were playing the game for the 8th time before you showed up here. But this time…it seemed different. While Chris went off on his own, Jill soon becoming lost herself, you were stuck with Wesker. Well…it’s not all bad considering he was very handsome but he is the villain. But he’s handsome- no. No. Bad. He’s the villain.

The mantra of He’s the villain kept rolling in your mind. However it did nothing as he stayed close to you, watching your back. Both literally and figuratively. You are already going on dates with the man and you did wonder what would have happened if his plan succeeded. But that would mean saying goodbye to two of your favorite characters as well.

Ah- but he is handsome, your brain added. Traitor.

However, Chris is the protagonist of this game. He has the plot armor, and god did it come in handy.

You had to leave Wesker on that floor, but not without saying goodbye. His final breaths were in your arms. Crying over him. One final kiss. One final goodbye before Chris came back. You were the one to shake your head to Chris, he won’t make it. His blood coated your arms.

You knew he would come back, but you never suspected he’d want to come back for you. His lust for power was great, but then there was you. You. You loved him. You held him even after he was revealed as a traitor. Unconditional love. Warm unconditional love. He’d get out, and he’d make a new world with you in his arms once again.

You were still in the city when the outbreak happened. Your first instinct was to get to the precinct, mainly to meet Leon. After all, right now, Wesker was dead. You know he isn’t, but the others don’t know that. Besides…Leon really needs someone in his life. Seriously.

You’re the one to greet Leon in the precinct, which he is so happy to see another living person. So happy in fact that you become his partner the whole time, somehow skipping meet Ada, sadly. Probably because you know she’s a spy, and that would ruin the story. So the universe still works like that.

You two make it out alive, obviously. Leon is practically holding your hand the whole time, because he doesn’t want to lose you. He gets to know you through all the hours you two are together, and you get to know him. It’s obvious he likes you, but you want it to come naturally and not in an adrenaline pumped scenario.

After the whole fiasco and you two are in a safer place, now in a different city, you two can get to know each other better. Those few years were great, lots of dates, lots of affection, and lots of missions together.

Then, it was time to meet Wesker all over again. Little to your knowledge, he kept growing stronger, and stronger. Years ago, he saw you on the cameras of the old precinct with another man, who followed you around everywhere. It infuriated him, and every chance he gets, he looks into you, and there you were. With that man again. It drove him up the wall. True, he thought that you thought he was dead, but you’re his. No one else can have you.

A strange contradiction to the original game, Leon came along when you and Chris went looking for Claire. He was not able to be there for you when Wesker showed up again.

He had pushed through the doors, eager to greet you. To really sell the act that you had no idea he was alive, you cried. A hand to your mouth, as you watched the man step into the light better.

“Did you miss me, my dear?” His voice carried, it sounded sincere.

All you could do was cover your face with your hands and bow your head. He was going to come closer, to comfort you, to hug you, something, anything- before the doors burst open to reveal Chris and Leon, a frustrated growl left his voice as he saw that man again.

The way that man held you close as you cried. Hands desperately trying to stop the tears.

God Wesker hated it. That should be him. Not that scum that’s not even worthy of holding you.

Oh but dear, he’s here to stay. Leon wants someone, needs someone, who will stay. He’s in love, they both are, with you. And too bad for you, you’re stuck in the middle.

#yandere idea blurb #yandere albert wesker

[clumsiestgiantess]

The seventh chapter of the Other-world Universe; Alexis tries her best to make amends.

all chapters linked here

[Progress is progress, I guess]

You don’t know how hard I tried to stay away, but the small world in the basement was just too fascinating to leave for long.  It was like fate, or maybe just my brother wanting to play, was drawing me back.  Despite this, I never set foot near anywhere I thought Erica might be.  I wanted to stay true to my word, after all.  

Every once and a while, when I was bored, I would go off and explore, though.  Constantly, I would wander through the mountains where I found the climber, wondering if he’d left or if I just kept missing him.  While walking through the area where I’d first arrived, I came across a beautiful lake, cut off from the rest of the world by the jagged mountains surrounding it.  Another time, after hiking for three days, I finally found a beach.  It wasn’t an ocean beach, like I wanted, but rather a large lake; from my tall height, I could faintly see the other side.  Still, it was a beach, and I didn’t want to hike further than that anyways.  To get all the way out there I’d packed a bag full of food, water, and a sleeping bag, invisibly camping anywhere that was large enough for me.  Thankfully I only needed to walk the way there.  To get back, all I had to do was return to my world, think about the open field, and I'd be there.

During those three days, as I carefully trekked through forests and fields away from civilization, I was blinded by a flash of light from above.  After shielding my eyes from the initial glare, I fought to look up.  I only managed to catch the tail end of the strange phenomenon.  What looked like a bolt of empty black lightning split the air, but instead of fading away like normal lightning, it hovered in the sky for a long moment.  Then, the jagged streak vanished as quickly as it came.  I had no idea what the strange lightning-esque flash had been, but I didn’t give it too much thought.  It could’ve been any number of things.  The dark zigzag could’ve been a blank spot in my vision after the strange bright light.  For all I know, the other-world might actually have a weird type of black lightning.  I ignored it and carried on.

I had a lot more free time to spend in the other-world now that I wasn’t looking after Erica 24-7, so I used the extra hours not only for adventuring, but to map out the city and everything around it.  Eventually, I hoped to have a map of all the buildings that shared a twin in my world, as well as how far the limits of the playtable actually reached.  

See, the buildings on the table in my world weren’t a perfect match to the ones there; the other-world had almost twice as many thanks to all the residential areas that were basically nonexistent in my own world.  All the twin buildings I'd come across so far were always somewhat important places, and I'd slowly been jotting all of them down.  My brother and I hadn't aimed to make a perfect little city, after all.   It made sense that a few of the lesser important details were omitted from our building project.

At first, Liam had wanted to make the playtable a complete mishmash of dinosaurs and cool superhero fortresses, but thankfully I'd managed to talk him out of it.  I wonder how differently my first day would've gone if I'd let Liam stick with his original plan.  How much of the other-world inhabitants' lives would we have altered without even knowing it?  What if we took everything off the table and started over right now with a completely new theme, like an alien planet or a giant amusement park?  Would everyone here just vanish like the city had never existed, or would they be forced to live completely new lives in whatever we'd created?  If they did, would they even remember their old ones?

That train of thought was getting a little too existential for my liking.  I shook myself off, forcing my brain to backtrack to what I was doing prior to the rabbit hole I'd briefly fallen down.  I scanned the paper in my hands for a moment.  Right, I was looking for twin buildings in the city.  My need for a list of similar buildings first came with the slightly obvious realization that the three-pronged skyline in the other-world — which I assumed was the same as the four-pronged one in my world from a weird angle — actually only had three prongs.  I’d walked around the other-world long enough to see the city from numerous angles, and all of them had three tall needles that stuck out from the tops of skyscrapers, not four.  Immediately, I needed a new reason to believe the cities were the same.  They have to be the same.  Why else would I be here?

The twin buildings became my new proof.  Though the cities didn’t look exactly alike, they each had the same grid layout, and facilities like a town hall, an aquarium, a museum, banks and gas stations, those sorts of things.  It was a lot easier said than done, getting to everything.  I couldn’t even get close to the more populated areas unless I was attached to someone.  

Ever since the fight with Erica, I'd sworn off controlling people.  However, I did still use them for intangibility; I just didn’t force them to do anything while I was latched on.  It felt like I was making excuses to continue messing with them, but I didn’t have much of a choice.  I could either continue using the other-world people for intangibility, or go back to accidentally crushing almost everything in my path.  Obviously, I chose the former.

I'd already gotten a decent number of buildings jotted down with the help of a few oblivious puppets, when I felt something tugging at me.  I don't know how else to explain it.  I imagine the feeling's similar to the force between two magnets passing by, skating just close enough to feel the pull of the other half without actually touching it.  Stopping in the middle of writing down another contender for my list, I followed the absurd feeling toward a congested street corner.  I stood there for almost ten minutes looking for the source of my odd state.  

Finally, I caught sight of someone below me looking confusedly around in the exact way I did.  I really should've expected my 'other half' to be Erica.  I’d felt this feeling a few times before while searching for her.  It seemed to be a side effect of her being under my control for far too long.  For a brief moment, I reached out to latch onto her before recoiling away as she spun around with a furious glare that made me think twice.  Oh, she can sense I'm here too.

I could tell Erica readily wanted to berate me by the infuriated way she was glaring at the empty alleyway I stood in.  However, she would look like she'd lost her mind if she started cursing out an empty side street, so she kept quiet.  Erica stood in thought for a moment before inconspicuously gesturing to the park down the street on the opposite side of the road.  I understood; she was still intent on talking to me, just in a more out-of-the-way place.  Begrudgingly, I stepped over to the park in three long strides and waited patiently for Erica to walk the two blocks over there.  

When she finally arrived, Erica sat on a bench to the side of an empty field and caught her breath.  I chuckled despite every ounce of common sense I had.  She jogged over here for six minutes just to catch up with the three steps I'd taken.  "Is something funny to you?" Erica asked annoyedly.  "Sorry," I whispered.  I needed to keep my voice as quiet as possible so no one else would hear me and wonder why they were hearing voices in the air.  "It's nothing.  How have you been?"  I tried to change the subject, but Erica saw right through me.  Literally.  "Oh, I'm doing much better now that I'm not a puppet anymore," she quipped sarcastically, "I sure hope you weren't about to do something incredibly stupid to change that."  I sighed, "I wouldn't've actually made you do anything.  I meant it as.. a tap on the shoulder.  To say hi."  Erica huffed out a half-laugh that somehow radiated the opposite of laughter.

"You told me you were leaving," she said pointedly, "Why bother lying to me?  Can't you just make me forget about you?"  "I didn't lie!  I said I'd leave you alone from now on.  I never said I'd leave your world.”  "So running into me was a coincidence, was it?"  "Yes."  "Liar."  "No, I swear it is!  I've never even seen you in this part of the city.  Why would I come here to control you if I know where you live?"  Do I even know where she lives? I thought to myself.  Last I saw of her she was packing up her things to leave.

Erica sat silently for a moment, "Then, why are you over here?"  "I could ask you the same thing."  "You first."  It was fascinating, really.  For someone so small, Erica had somehow managed to back me into a corner.  I wasn't lying to her, I honestly hadn't intended to find Erica there, but at the same time I couldn't tell her the truth about what I was doing, either.  If I did, I'd have to reveal the unnerving truth about her world being fake.  That moment in the middle of the city probably wasn't the best time to explain everything.  I could see it in her; the way she hid her fear behind a mask of anger and sarcasm.  Erica knew all too well that I could puppeteer her again right then and there if I wanted, and she couldn't do anything to stop me.  I could only imagine what might happen if I told her the whole truth of everything I could mess with.  Not just her.

So, instead of tearing down her view of the entire world, I lied in the truest way possible.  "I'm here because I was mapping out the city.  With all my new free time, I've been wandering around searching for neat places and marking them down."  Erica stared into the open space where I sat, still unconvinced.  "Prove it."  I hesitated for a second, then slid the unfinished map out my pocket and unfolded it on the ground.  

Once I was sure no one was nearby, I let the paper go and it slowly faded into view.  I could hear the breath hitch in Erica's throat as a map the size of her old apartment appeared from thin air.  She stepped off the bench and onto the grass to examine my evidence.  "What do these X's mean?" she asked, pointing to a few buildings that had been sketched with two slashes over them.  "Those are the places I want to revisit once I finish the map."  Obviously I wasn't going to tell her they were really marking the twin buildings.  I quickly folded the piece of paper back up, causing it to vanish again.  I didn't want her looking it over for too long, just in case I'd jotted something down that had to do with her world.

Finally convinced I wasn't out there just to stalk her, Erica gave me a satisfied nod and returned to the park bench to collect her things.  "Hold on," I whispered before she could leave, "It's your turn to tell me what you're doing over here."  "I.." Erica hesitated, slowly turning back to me.  She suddenly looked a lot more tired than she had a minute ago; her angry facade had dropped.  "I'm lost.  I went to a new hairstylist that opened in this side of the city, and now I have no clue where I parked the car.  I know it was across the street from the aquarium, but I've only been there, like, once besides today."  The aquarium was definitely on my map.  In fact, it was one of the buildings that had a twin.  "I know where it is," I ventured, "I could take you there if you like."  

"You want to help me?" Erica asked coldly, "Gee, that sounds like a great idea.  I'll just blindly accept your help like I did last time.  Who knows, if I'm lucky I might end up as your little puppet by the end of the day."  She hadn't even said all that much, but her words still stung regardless.  I backed away guiltily and shifted onto my knees, ready to leave.  "I'm sorry," I mumbled, "Shouldn't have asked."  Erica sighed and I froze, partially standing.  She looked up at me from beneath the leafy green trees that shaded the park.  Though she couldn’t see me, she could still tell fairly well where I was.  Slowly, I knelt back down as her expression clouded with confliction.  Erica’s mouth opened and closed silently for a few minutes.  I expected her to give me some speech about how it was wrong to do what I'd done to her, which I completely understood, but she surprised me.  "Can I see that map one more time, please?"  

If she had asked me to bring her the moon or the stars instead, I would've gladly done it.  Anything to stop the gut wrenching guilt that whispered you're a monster over and over in my head.  I'd been avoiding Erica for this reason as well.  Whenever I saw her, or even thought about her, I felt the need to compensate for everything I'd done.  Apparently, she felt as if I were trying to deceive her again, but that was far from the truth.  I only wanted to prove that I could be better; for Erica, obviously, but for myself too.  The image of her hanging terrified between my fingers over the cliffside refused to leave my head.  Then there was that time I’d caught her in bed, crying.. presumably because of what I’d done to her.

I gladly spread the map out on the grass for Erica to examine.  She mutely traced the path between the park we stood in and the aquarium without a single glance at me.

After an excruciatingly dead silence, she spoke.  "Thank you, for helping me.  I.. I think you're just trying to gain my trust, but-  I'll trust you in my own time, you know?"  I let out a breath I hadn't even realized I'd been holding.  "Alright."  Another heavy silence.  "Can I take the map now?"  Erica nodded and I stashed it away.  "If it's alright with you," she interjected before I could leave, "You can get places a lot faster than I can.  Would you mind waiting by my car until I get there?  Just so I don't get lost again?  We have this weird connection of some sort; I was thinking of using it like a compass."  I was so shocked by her offer I forgot to reply.  "It's fine if you don't want to.  I mean, I did just rudely deny your help a moment ago."  "No, I.. I'll meet you there."  

Erica was right; it took me very little time to find the aquarium.  I sat beside it, intangibly peering in at the sea lion show that was taking place when I'd arrived.  Eventually, I could feel the magnet-esque tug that told me Erica was nearby.  She glanced across the busy street at the space she assumed I was sitting in and mouthed thank you before driving off.  I tried to shake away the gloomy guilt and instead thought through the positives.  Miraculously, Erica was making an effort to be nice to me, despite my mistakes.  Honestly, her talking to me at all was an improvement, so long as she wasn't hurting me with bitter words.

Over the course of the next few weeks, I bumped into Erica several times — all purely unintentionally.  We both had things to do in similar places.  Erica had errands to run and her job, and I wanted to map out the city where all those things were located.  We never said much to each other.  In fact, we couldn’t have a conversation of any kind without drawing attention to ourselves.  However, Erica no longer suspected anything horrible of me.  She’d nod knowingly in my direction, and we’d both continue on with our lives.  

We’d only come close to talking once — when I happened to walk by as Erica was getting a parking ticket.  The moment she sensed my presence, she began gesturing for me to deal with the officer every time their back was turned.  I hesitated, wondering if it was a test to see if I would control them.  Honestly, I think that was what she wanted, but I decided to deal with things differently.  Returning to my world for a split second, I grabbed a single plastic bill and willed it to become 100 dollars as I stepped back through.  

Thankfully, there was an empty lot on the other side of the road where I could appear without destroying anything.  Erica looked beyond relieved when she sensed me re-appear.  Cautiously, I reached out over her car and waited until the officer turned to their vehicle for something.  The moment they did, I nudged her arm very lightly with one finger, opening my hand to reveal the fresh bill.

Just as I’d suspected, Erica seemed confused by my offer.  She had wanted me to control them — likely to avoid being given a ticket at all.  A moment later, she nodded at me, realizing that I was only trying to avoid what had made her so angry with me in the first place.  I latched on to intangibility and stepped away, figuring that giving her the money she needed was enough interaction with her for the day.  It was how I’d ended up in that situation in the first place, after all.  I certainly didn’t want to repeat any of my mistakes.

Three weeks after the incident with the map, I officially heard from Erica again.  By that time, I'd completely mapped out the city and had moved on to measuring how far the table in my world extended in this one.  The scale was more than a little bit off, which both confused and frustrated me.  I was passing by Erica's house, trying to determine how far the mountains were from the city with a distance tracker, when I noticed an arrow made from fallen branches in her yard.  The arrow pointed to a large flat rectangle lying on the lawn.  I slowed to examine it.  Erica's car wasn't in the driveway, so I couldn't ask what the thing was, but it had 'to the giant' scrawled on it so I assumed it was for me.  I picked up the rectangle of what seemed to be poster board and turned it over curiously.

It was a note, written out in large letters so I could read them without straining my eyes.

I don't know if you're ever coming back here, but if you find this I want you to know that-

The rest of the letter was written in slightly different penmanship, as though she'd stopped writing for a while before continuing with the rest.

I'm ready for us to meet up again.  Just to be clear, this is NOT me forgiving you.  I want to move on from what happened, and I hope you do too.  After all, you were only trying to help me, albeit in a very backwards way.  If you can find sometime for us to talk, I’m willing to.

It looked like Erica had tried to fit more onto the poster board, but ran out of room writing in a font big enough for me to read.  My heart leapt faster in my chest as I re-read what she'd written.  It had been a while since we'd talked, and even then, we'd never actually had a normal conversation.  Maybe things weren’t as hopeless as I thought!  Remember, I thought to myself, trying to calm down, she hasn't forgiven you, so take it easy.  One step at a time.  You're overwhelming enough as it is.  However small a step the note may be, progress is progress, and I was grateful for it.

#what was that weird lightning tho? #other-world universe #g/t #giant tiny

[aboardthescheherazade]

Part 2 to the Rastapopoulos timeline post. I call these two the "Ironic End" and the "Bad End":

Ironic end: After the events of Flight 714 to Sydney, an amnesiac traveller wakes up on the beach of a tropical island. The locals take him in, and they figure out just enough to know he's probably from the Mediterranean; maybe he fell off a migrant ship, but there haven't been any travelling worker ships in the area recently. Eventually, he puts together some kind of new name, and begins working at the docks to make a living. He's drawn to a handful of things - ships and new movies, mainly - but nothing clear ever comes through. He lives the last years of his life as a short-tempered but nice-enough port foreman who mostly keeps to himself outside of work. His coworkers in town mourn him, but over time, he just fades away into the rest of the island's history.

Bad end: Playing yet another role, and likely having gone through some degree of ego death, "Endaddine Akass" emerges in the tropics as a spiritual advisor and art collector. His "practices" are mostly just a mishmash of Christianity, Islam, Daoism, and Rastafarianism. He gets underground plastic surgery to subtly alter his face just enough to be able to appear in the media without someone recognizing mugshots from his "past life". Rastapopoulos has found a new way to worm his way into the public zeitgeist, and all it took was completely sacrificing his identity and his dignity. This design came about while talking with ProfCal...his Alph-Art version would take place during the late 1930s-early 40s, and it got me thinking about a period-accurate Endaddine Akass. I adapted a number of details from Herge's speculative design, most notably the faux third eye, and the sort-of Magen David at the top of his staff. I can tell it's not meant to outright signal Judaism; I see it as an example of 20th Century western esoterism's rampant cultural appropriation (i.e. he'd probably try to claim it's a hexagram symbolizing elements, or something), plus, it's regionally accurate: the Magen David is an important piece of iconography in Rastafarianism. It was a very new religion in the late 1930s, which would make Akass fairly predatory for stealing aspects of Rastafarian imagery. (We also considered him pretending to be White Jamaican, accent and all, which would go to show how far "Akass" is willing to humiliate his old self just to live as a debutante. Have you ever heard Steven Seagal pretend to be Jamaican? That's what we're dealing with here)

Regardless of the ending you choose to follow, I still tried to make either of them relatively within Herge's writing style. He was fond of using big finales, and themes of karma and turnabout, so I considered both of these when pondering Rastapopoulos's fate at the end of the Tintin series. (I have thought way too much about Rastapopoulos, I know. The shmuck haunts me like an awful poltergeist ^^;)

#drawings #hc #rastapopoulos

[autumnslance]

Hello Autumn! I love your stories! You’ve inspired me to make my OC WoL to write about. The thing is I don’t know where to start? Any tips or advice you could give that could help me get started? Thank you so much!

whoop, meant to post this one earlier and got distracted! But hey; maintenance day.

I found prompt lists are a good place to start; there's all sorts of character ones out there, some for WoL and some generic ones. Even if your answers changes as you write the character, they're handy for noodling out some ideas to get started thinking about who they are and why.

Otherwise, take a look at MSQ itself. Maybe play through it, first time or in New Game+ and take some notes; how does the character feel about this, and why? Not you the player; what about your rough idea of the character's background and personality would make them react to X event or Y person? How? Why? Some will be influenced by your own knowledge of the meta and plot, but there's a lot we can glean by seeing the story as the character experiences those events.

And then we can write about it later.

We all put a bit of ourselves into our characters, we can't really help that; they are reflections of our thoughts and experiences, even when quite different from us. A "successful" OC, In My Opinion, is one that you start to realize would do or say things you never initially intended, but it's the right course of action for them.

I've spoken on this before, that trusting our own character creation, how we determine some things about the character at the outset, even subconsciously, can and will have an impact. And sometimes we just have to trust ourselves and see where that unexpected thread leads.

*stares down thousands of words, hundreds of screenshots, and a handful of art commissions, over 5 years for a ship she never meant to write to begin with*

And it's not set in stone! You might change something, find some things work better later after all, retcon a few things, follow a random thread only to find it doesn't work out...and that's OK. Don't be afraid to experiment. This is all for fun!

Also don't try to determine every detail at the beginning; it's a way to box yourself in, or an excuse to not get started in the first place. I knew on chargen that Aeryn's bio dad was a Coerthan farmer who died in a lead-up attack to Ferndale; I didn't know anything else, not even his name, for years, until a random idea from a random prompts got me. I sat on it for a while, and then eventually followed the thread into the Avengret storyline. We also didn't have Thavnair until EW, so I left a lot of things about Aeryn's family vague and purposefully off to the side of the "mainland Thavnair culture" to give myself some breathing room, and it's worked out decently.

The game's always updating, changing, and evolving; give yourself the same space the game writers do themselves, and determine if new info makes you want to retcon something or work your own lore in alongside updates; flexibility is key, and characters can be wrong, misinformed, lying, or altered by events and people they meet.

Anyway; these are a few things I work with. I think some of the earliest things in my blog you'll find for any of my characters are some short prompt responses before I started writing and posting stories involving them (and some of those answers have changed over time as I grew more certain of who they were--or they changed!). I have notes from ShB and EW MSQ--some just sentence fragments, some short scene or dialogue ideas--to get how Aeryn reacted to MSQ events and interacting with people. Most of them never end up in stories, but they're important as they let me noodle out how to write about those events.

Hope this helps! And here's to seeing your WoL join the fray. 😘

#final fantasy xiv #lyn prompts #lyn meta #writing #character development #blogging #about me

[eclipse15]

Hiii, idk really what else to do as I'm trying really hard to find out if we're a RAMCOA system or not. We are a DID system, and we're pretty sure it's HC-DID but I have some questions

So we had childhood trauma obviously and what we went through made us a system. Later on in life (still a child) we dated someone and they abused us really badly. We have on alter who they are supposed to off us if we ever found out what he did to us (our gatekeeper has him locked away) and he would use methods of his religion (satanism) saying he could send demons after us if we tried to leave and he even said he did a blood spell tying our souls together. He'd also make me do rituals to burn my arms for sacrifice or smth. Idk if that fits under religious abuse. Also idk if Shadow (the Alter made to off us) fits under programming or mild control cause everything I read is so confusing and it throws me off.

We have layers to our innerworld, there's the earth and then under the earth and thus kind of heaven and all types of things and he gave us rules and when we broke them we were neglected or worse and he'd make us do things we didn't want to and threaten our family and he made alters like- idrk how to explain it but we have alters who were kinda made for him and idk

Our main hosts (the core, the body, however you call it) was the one who dated him and when the abuse started they almost never fronted anymore. I'm a trauma holder and I just wanna know if what happened to us is RAMCOA so I can feel, idk complete

We don't fit under OA cause it was one person for seven months but- also how is programming done. Cause he didn't like write a code for us but, I can't figure out the details of what he did I just know it happened. And I'm someone who feels uneasy if I don't know everything. If you could help that'd be great but if not I'm truly sorry for burdening you

I think it’s important to note that you can be a RAMCOA survivor with DID and not be programmed, nor have HC-DID.

What makes HC-DID is MC, which is one of the three parts of RAMCOA. I definitely think what this person was doing was ritual abuse if I’m getting the details right.

However, I don’t say whether somebody has programming or not. I think its not only never going to be actually accurate since you can’t explain your trauma history and system inner-workings via tumblr to a stranger, but I also think it gives people the wrong idea if they later discover a new detail that might change the hypothetical answer I hypothetically gave them.

I have multiple posts about programming criterion, and if your wondering about a specific one that hasn’t been posted you could submit an ask and I could tell you the criterion if you’d like.

Are you a victim of RAMCOA? Yes, just not with all the letters. Are you a victim of MC? I won’t say.

I’m sorry if this isn’t the answer you were hoping for, but I hope this helped.

#🧩 #questioning ramcoa #ramcoa #ritual abuse #did alter #did osdd #osddid #hc did #polyfragmented #polyfrag #polyfrag system #actually mentally ill #endos dni

[lifeontoast]

Hi :)

Can I request Zatanna platonic head canons?

Z is mentoring a child who wants to learn how to control her abilities and get stronger, child has powers of fate ( can control/alter fate and fates of others and can see future in her dreams)

The Child of Fate (8/3/23)

Platonic!Zatanna Zatara x reader

SUMMARY: Zatanna is mentoring a child on how to control their powers of fate. An awesome friendship ensues.

A/N: thanks to @diavolosbaby who requested these headcanons! Hope you enjoy :)

…

- you had come from earth, but your powers had come from a godly being of a distant planet

- Seeing your potential early on, they decided to bless/curse (you decide!) you with the power of foresight and fate control of yourself and others

- The intention was for you to become a very powerful being who could control the destiny of the planet

- You were struggling with the prospects of this mammoth task, but luckily you found someone who could help

- You met Zatanna one day when you were in the park, trying to practice changing people’s fates

- You must have looked like you were in pain as you were concentrating extremely hard

- She was practicing magic tricks close to where you were

- When you saw a kid about to fall, you sprang into action, jumping up and throwing your hands out to try and stop it

- You did, and Zatanna watched in amazement

- She jogged up to you, sat down and told you her name

- ‘Hey! I’m Zatanna, you?’

- ‘Y/N. Good to meet you.’

- ‘Hey Y/N! Good to meet you too. Hey, what you did back there was pretty cool. What was it?’

- The godly beings had told you not to tell anyone about your powers, but this woman gave off a vibe that just made you trust her

- ‘Well, I saw that the kid was about to fall, so I changed their fate, so they didn’t. It may look easy, but trust me, it’s anything but!’ You laughed

- ‘Wow! Pretty cool. So, you said you’re struggling? I can show you a few things if you like!’ Came the reply

- You were slightly concerned, but again you felt you trusted her completely

- ‘I do magic’ she said, as if trying to convince you

- ‘Okay, show me.’ You replied

- She grinned, and began to give you tips on how to control your powers

- ‘So, project!’ ‘No, this way!’ ‘Try not to project TOO much…’ she laughed as you accidentally made a woman fall over

- But, you kept trying, and you were getting better and better

- Soon it was late, so you agreed to meet same time same place the next day

- The next day, she sat smiling at the bench, ready for you

- You were determined, and each day you got more powerful

- One night you had a dream which made you toss and turn. It was Zatanna, and she was in trouble.

- You knew that your dreams predicted the future, so you were instantly worried

- You knew the woman’s “wavelength”, as you called it, so you tried to examine her fate

- However, you weren’t yet strong enough to see that far into the future in that much detail, which worried you. The woman was very important to you - you had bonded over the few months you had been practicing together

- Each day you tried to go further, and managed it with her help

- One day, you saw it

- It was sudden, just as the two of you were sitting on the bench

- She was going to be kidnapped, and soon

- You told her, panicking

- She seemed fairly calm, but a little worried

- ‘Hey, Y/N, you can fix this right?’ She said anxiously

- You nodded, and focussed intensely

- You were nearly there, so nearly there… finally, the vision faded away and was replaced by one of the two of you on the bench

- You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding

- ‘I did it!’ You shouted, fist pumping the air

- Zatanna jumped up and hugged you; you’d never changed the outcome of such a big event before

- ‘Hey, you’re amazing! I think you’re going to do great things, kid’ Zatanna was proud of you, and it was the best feeling ever

- months and months passed, and it was you who was now reaching Zatanna new tricks

- You had finally lived up to the prophecies of the godly beings, and you were prouder than ever

- Your powers were so strong, you could see the fate of anyone you wanted, in even the most far-flung corner of the earth

- You felt ready to take on the challenge of protecting the earth from intergalactic threats

…

A/N: thanks so much for reading! You guys rock!

#lifeontoast #zatanna x reader #zatanna

[petrawood]

Who is Jake Lockley? A meta/theory of the show

Fancy title is fancy.

Okay so after watching the finale I find myself having a lot of thoughts and feelings about Jake, as per usual. 

So, to start with, I do not believe he’s evil, but I DO get the feeling he would be one of the antagonists (together with Khonshu, who is in some way the big villain in Moon Knight in general) if there is a season 2. In all his “appearances” (read: blackouts) and the end credits scene he has been shown as somebody who is cappable of great violence, so I get that for the moment, at first glance, he might seem evil. The thing is, I believe that season 1 has already left some groundwork behind to stablish where Jake comes from a little bit better, a groundwork that would propell his characterisation in future appearances.

More after the cut! 

I will be talking about Marc and Steven as characters and one very important scene in the asylum and how it shines a new light onto who Jake might be, as well as his relationship with Khonshu! (This got long OMG)

Marc, Steven and false duality

The show seems to want to stablish Marc and Steven as complete opposites since the beginning, showing them struggling against each other, their identities clashing with each other (Steven in a pacifist, Marc has violent outburts; Steven is really intelligent and knowledgable, Marc has some amazing fighting prowess; Steven comes out as hopeful, innocent and naive, while Marc seems cynical and strict). This contrast in emphaticed to the viewers by making it seem like they are the only two alters, instantly creating an illusiory duality. As the show goes along we start understanding these characters, why they are how they are, we uncover their hidden depths and follow them in their discovery of themselves and growth as individuals. This way, we see Steven gaining confidence in his knowledge and skills and standing up for himself, to the point of downright antagonizing Khonshu and pressing him to make a deal that would leave Marc and himself out of the god’s grasp. We as the audience see how much Marc has suffered, his distante for killing and guilt over the death of his brother, how the grieves for his mother but yet how cappable he is of love, how much he cares for Layla and Steven, to the point of sacrificing himself for them (making a deal with Khonshu and abandoning the Fields of Reeds). We see him learn to express his feelings and grief and ultimately starting to forgive himself, thanks to Steven’s support.

So, what about Jake?

The thing is, by putting the focus of attention in Marc and Steven and therefore manufacturing this false duality (since their differences are not at all that extreme), the show has made us forget that there are not only two alters, there are three. Intellectually, we know that Jake is there, but since we don’t really get to meet him, we never get to figure out his place in the narrative and, most importantly, in the system. 

Now, right after watching the after-credits scene, I started thinking, and there was one particular scene that popped to my mind quite quickly.

The Asylum and Marc’s fears

Remember the asylum? I have seem some people theorice that, taking inspiration from the comics (Lemire’s run, spoilers!), the one behind Marc’s vision of a mental hospital might have been Khonshu, manipulating him by making him doubt his reality. I personally do not agree with this theory, since the asylum only started appearing once Marc and Steven had been shot. I believe it is what it is stated to be in the show: how the Duat presents itself to feel more “comfortable” and familiar to Marc and Steven, plain and simple, no trickery to be found. Therefore, since the Duat seems to feed off the dead traveller’s mind, I think that the scenes between both Marc and Steven and Doctor Harrow are simply manifestations of Marc’s mind (since he’s the most exceptic one and also has the most selfhate), putting every single detail into doubt and repeatting over and over again that he must be crazy, that he cannot trust his own senses and experiences, etc (remember, Marc is the one that shows more resistance to accepting himself and his DID, it takes being possessed by Khonshu and Harrow taking advance of the stigma afaints mental illnesses to get him to admit that he needs help). Therefore, I think that Doctor Harrow could be interpreted and his own self-doubts and hatred, throwing againts him(self) the things that he’s the most insecure and afraid of, although they do make him face them head-front (”is this real? you are just denying reality. You have to face your fears- which is actually helfpul-. Maybe that’s why Steven knows inmmediality that it is an illusion, might even explain why Steven doesn’t have a room of his own: “when danger is near, Steven Grant has no fear”, he doesn’t grown afraid, he is not fearful of not knowing his own reality or facing a painful reality, he always pushes through). That’s the reason why both Marc and Steven see Harrow’s bloody footsteps, refuse to listen to him and “wake up” from the room, Marc has learnt to forgive himself and see his self-hatred for what it is: a deception created to hurt himself, but not a reflection of reality.

Taking this into account, and keeping in mind that according to this theory Doctor Harrow’s words are Marc’s hidden fears, I think this scene is VERY interesting:

(Image description: Marc staring at the water inside a cup and then at Doctor Harrow with a look of slight sadness and fear on his face, Doctor Harrow saying “do you think you created Steven to hide from all the awful things you feel you’ve done in your life, or do you think Steven created Marc to punish the world for what your mother did to you?”)

I think that the answer to this question is neither, and both at the same time, just that it doesn’t apply to Steven, but to Jake.

Marc is perfectly aware of who Steven is and what he means to him, he has said to multiple times. He wants to see Steven life a happy, normal life, he loves his hope and how he was always there for him, he wants to protect him and hide him from hurt. He doesn’t fit at all the topic of the question.

But, and Jake? Where does Jake come from? And how does Harrow’s question apply to him?

Lets look at the evidence.

Who is Jake

What have we seen Jake do over and over again? When has he appeared? When Steven and Marc are in extreme danger, and probably about to die (when Harrow’s thugs attacked Steven, the car chase, when Marc faced off against those guys at Cairo, when Harrow was siphoning Khonshu’s power). I believe that Jake, as a lot of people have said, is a protector alter, which, according to did-research.org (which I hope is a good source, please correct me if I use missinformation!) are “alters that protect the body, system, host, core, or other specific alters or groups of alters. Physical protectors might take or try to prevent physical abuse or become aggressive in an attempt to defend against physical abuse”. I believe that every single time Jake has appeared, he has been both preventing either Steven or Marc from dying and actually going one step further and trying to put them out of harm’s way (taking the cab back to the airport in Cairo, leaving the military during Marc’s fugue state and generally killing every one that might be a danger). He’s trying to protect the other alters, not just being mindlessly violent. 

Now, the speculation (and actual link to the question, yay!) starts. 

Marc absolutely hates killing. While it hasn’t been said outright, he mourns over a room full of his targets saying that he remembers every single one of their faces. He says that, after one point, he wished that one of them might finally kill him instead. He also hates seeing people die, he’s driven to the point of desperation during his time as a mercenary, reaching a peak when he’s unable to protect Layla’s father and the rest of his team from dying. During the finale, we see him choosing to preserve a life, even if it is Harrrow’s, rather than take it. 

“do you think you created Steven Jake to hide from all the awful things you feel you’ve done in your life?”

Yes! Jake is the one who, when worst comes to worst and the only way out is to eliminate, to erradicate the danger, takes over and starts shooting. He is the shield between Marc and all the bodies he has had to leave behind, eventually shouldering the responsability to get blood on his hands and therefore sparing Marc and Steven from having to take a life. 

But also, what other fear did Marc’s subconscious, in the form of Doctor Harrow, throw at him? What other part of his being was he refusing to face?

“or do you think Steven  you created Marc Jake to punish the world for what your mother did to you?”

And here it is, the dark reality that Marc is hiding, probably the reason why he (together with Steven) he refuses to investigate who is the one fronting and killing their enemies during their blackouts. The reason why Jake is so vicious. The reason why, after the finale, Jake is still working with Khonshu. 

Who is Khonshu? In the comics (and, according to Wikipedia, the real Khonsu) he’s the God of the Moon, with epipeths as  "Embracer," "Pathfinder," and "Defender", he’s the god of those who travel at night, their protector. In the show, while his nature as god of the moon and night sky is more than proven, there is a huge emphasis of another of his aspects: that of vengeance, played as opposite of Ammit and her preventive condemn. Khonshu, through his Fist, punishes those that have done wrong (specifically against travellers of the night). 

(Image description: Marc hesitates before striking the final blow on Harrow, meanwhile Khonsu says “the choice is vengeance”)

Jake is a traveller and a pathfinder through his job as a cab (limo now) driver, he is Marc and Steven’s Protector by taking the need to spill blood upon himself, but Jake is also the person who punishes the world for what your Marc’s mother did to you him” Jake is Marc’s Vengeance.

And that’s why he keeps working with Khonshu, that’s why, while both Marc and Steven have managed to grow past their roles and go on with their life, Jake is still keeping the deal with Khonshu. He hasn’t appeared on the show, he hasn’t experienced the same character development as the other two alters, he’s still stuck is his initial, bloody role as protector and avenger.

What Jake’s future might be

Taking all of this into account, I believe that in future works Jake is going to go through the same journey that both Steven and Marc have experienced this season. He is going to face the place where he comes from, how he perceives himself and his role, he’s going to grow into his individuality and needs. I personally think that one of the themes of this finale is going to be crucial, a theme that Layla, Marc, Steven and Khonshu fight for: choice. The hability to choose for yourself who you want to be, what you want to do, the hability to be your own master, freedom. I think that, taking into account that right now he is still under Khonshu’s comand, Jake’s right to chose for himself and his freedom are going to play a huge role in his character arc.

Obviously, at the beginning he is going to be an antagonistic figure, but I think that after reading this meta it can be said that Jake is not, by himself, a bad person. He just wants to protect Marc and Steven, to fight for them. He’s the one who is willing to get the work done when it’s too much even for Marc, he’s the one who retaliates after the evils inflicted on the other two alters and the travellers, their avengers. I think his arc would consist on learning to trust Marc and Steven and their strength, as well as losing the vicciousness and desensibilitation to violence that so many years of putting himself on the front line have made him grow used to. And I, for one, cannot wait to see him do it.

Anyways, thanks for reading! I hope you liked my theory/meta, if you have anything to add please do so! Moon Knight has really become one of my fav media (comics and show) and would love to hear your thoughts about it!

#Moon Knight #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockley #moon knight spoilers #moon knight meta #moon knight theory #khonshu #Jake has really become one of my blorbos uh #oscar isaac

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

hi! first of all, thank you for your blog! i'm a questioning aroace but i don't know much about it. i used to consider myself ace when i was 16, then i thought i was too little to know and now, when i'm almost 21, i found out more about aroace experiences and it just... feels right? i've dated twice. never kissed though. first time my girlfriend used to complain we were "just friends" and not "real" partners but i would always tell her i truly love her and that i see real love as best friendship. my second girfriend just accepted my way of love but a new problem occured. when we were friends and i was crushing on her, i could be affectionate and e.g. hug her, but when we got into a relationship i freaked out and was no longer touchy or flirty. she was fine with it though, but i broke up with her about a year later because this whole dating thing didn't feel right. i haven't been in a relationship for what seems like ages and i want one so bad!! but recently i've realized that many people don't see love the way i do. the first time i thought i might be aro was a year ago when i wrote a fanfic and showed it to my best friend. she texted me "it's nice and all but you described friendship. it's not love". and i was like???? but that's how i feel love? and she started sending me some charts about how passion is an important part of "real" love and that my description wasn't right. it made me want to cry. i thought... was there something wrong with me? around that time i tried to find out more about aro community but it was a bit scary. i thought these people were heartless because how can you NOT love someone romantically? then, when i had another crush, i told about it to that best friend i've already mentioned. she asked me to describe my feelings and when i explained them she said "it's not love, you wanna be friends". but i don't feel that way towards friends! i know it was a different feeling. still, i came to a realization that i might be aroace after all. although, a bit later i met an aroace guy online. we weren't that close, just chatted in a gc, but i messaged him asking for advice. and when i shared i might be aroace and told him about my way of seeing it he said "you're not aroace, you just don't like lovey dovey stuff". and now i'm so confused... but your blog really comforts me. i want to find myself in this world. and i think i really am aroace. but i have no one to talk to about it... i'm too scared i won't "fit in" again. so thank you for reading my message!!!! have a nice day!

Do you think it's possible you might be experiencing a type of tertiary attraction, Anon? Tertiary attraction is any type of attraction that isn't romantic or sexual, some common types are

Platonic attraction/squishes: This can feel very similar to romantic attraction and have a lot of the same symptoms, but doesn't feel romantic at all. Instead you want to be close to the other person, or be important them.

Alterous attraction: This can have romantic or platonic elements, but won't be fully either. If you think of platonic and romantic as being binaries, this would be a non-binary option. Very useful for people who feel like neither platonic nor romantic feels quite right when describing their attraction.

Aesthetic attraction: Basically being drawn to someone on an aesthetic level, and strong desire to look at or study the other person. Sometimes this attraction is described as being similar to a particularly moving piece of art or looking at something particularly beautiful.

Sensual attraction: a desire to connect in a tactile way with other people. Especially in a way that feels sensual like touching, cuddling, smelling, etc.

There's other types of tertiary but these are some of the more common ones (if you want to explore attraction in more detail, the LGBTIA Wiki has a great page on it.)

But yeah, it definitely sounds from this ask like you are experiencing some kind of attraction, so looking into attraction and different types of attraction may be helpful. One of the most helpful tricks for telling attraction apart is asking yourself what is the attraction making you want? Or what kind of pull are you feeling? Imagine different scenarios and see which one holds the most appeal to you.

Romance in general is tricky because it's not very well defined and it's very often described as 'you know it when you feel it'. Unlike sex where, while there may be some gray areas, people generally do agree on what sex is or isn't, there aren't really an actions that are always romance. Holding hands, giving people flowers, etc can all be romantic actions, but also can be platonic depending on the scenario.

So how do you know if your feelings are romantic or not? Romantic feelings feel romantic (which is so useless, right?). But there is an actual romantic feeling that makes people want to be in a relationship labeled as romantic or do actions or be in scenarios they view as romantic. Romantic people will often have scenarios that just feel romantic to them too that they'll want to play out with the people they're attracted to.

So if the idea of something feeling romantic, or having romantic scenarios in your head feels foreign to you, that could be a sign what you're experiencing isn't romantic. Similarly if you're attracted to someone, but would be happy in a relationship not defined as romantic, that could be another strong sign.

It's not always clear cut what is romantic feelings or not either, there are gray areas. Since you mention a few times that romance and friendship feel the same to you internally, I'd also suggest looking into these two labels:

Idemromantic: Someone who categorizes relationships as romantic or platonic but experiences no internal differences.

Platoniromantic: When someone experiences no difference between romantic and platonic attraction.

One last thing, based on how you describe relationships, have you looked into or heard about QPRs, Anon? QPR stands for queerplatonic relationship (sometimes also called quasiplatonic relationships or quirklyplatonic relationships). And that just means a realtionship that isn't easily categorized by romance or friendship. And they can be tailored to the people in the relationship and include the things they want but not what they don't want. If you really want a relationship but romantic relationships aren't working out for you or feeling right, this may be worth looking into. And you can have committed long term relationships in QPRs too.

So this is a lot of information, and it may take you a bit of time to go through it and process it. You don't have to figure everything out right away. But hopefully it gives you some direction to go in and some things to look into.

I wouldn't put too much stock in what other people have told you up until now, other people can't interpret your internal feelings, only you can do that. And both the aromantic and romantic spectrum are quite broad, and people can experience both in a lot of different ways.

Try and trust your own internal feelings and interpretations and go with what makes sense to you or what way of looking at things is useful for you. And frankly sometimes these things are a bit subjective anyways.

If you have more questions or want anything clarified, feel free to send in another ask.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!