#ng it’s fine!’ and I still feel like a terrible person | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moonlightsolo · 1 year

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beauty of all things.

summary: joining the military was never on your bucket list. mostly just a fantasy that your parents couldn’t live out themselves. somehow, you snagged a job to study the native people of pandora and were sent to space. after slowly figuring out that the organization you work for is crooked, you decide to escape into the pandoran forest to seek out the omaticaya clan. on the way, you take quite a tumble, and a certain na’vi boy saves your life.

pairing: neteyam sully x human!fem reader

warnings: smut 18+, vvvv descriptive, unprotected sex i'm sorry, slight size kink, squint for breath play, mentions of animals dy!ng, violence, guns (sorry but the reader is a badass), brief uses of y/n, also non-accurate na'vi language but i tried my best.

word count: 8.5k+

note: hello i havent written smut in so long so if its terrible just tell me i did good and scroll !!! thanks ily <3

the year is two-thousand, one-hundred seventy, and you’ve finally arrived on pandora at the rda base, now named bridgehead.

the feeling of waking up after six years in cryosleep is indescribable. your brain feels like jelly bouncing around in your skull, the organ thumps in sync with every beat of your heart.

even a slight movement of your finger feels as if your bones will shatter up your arm.

“calm down. everything will be fine. just breathe.” someone speaks to you. the sound of their voice echoes in your head, making your ears ring as if they screamed directly into your ear drum.

but fuck, you can’t breathe.

something covering your mouth and nose is flush against your face, making it hard to take in a full breath. one of your arms lift up, sending a shockwave of pain throughout your body.

you grunt as you rip the oxygen mask off of your face, taking a deep breath of fresh air. your lungs burn from the feeling, making tears spill from your waterline. your eyes finally flutter open, welcomed by a bright white light above your head.

maybe you’re dead. wouldn’t that be something.

“calm down, private.” a nurse dressed in blue scrubs shines another bright light in your eyes. “reflexes look good.” she talks to another person on the other side of your bed.

“where am i?” your hoarse voice croaks out, making pain sizzle in your esophagus.

“you’re on pandora.”

the nurses don’t waste time to get you ready for your first mission. your bones and muscles are still sore, but you’re required to join some fellow colleagues on a tour on the outskirts of the forest.

well, what’s left of it.

your first step outside made you realize that the people you’re working for are making the same mistakes as they did on earth. stripping the planet to its bones, and killing anything in their path just to pocket a dollar.

the destruction of the environment around you makes your heart ache for the na’vi and the native animals. the area is barren and dry from the wildfire they caused when the first group of ships arrived last year.

you couldn’t help but feel slightly emotional, completely regretting letting your parents make this decision for you.

you reluctantly follow the group, the trees and vegetation growing thicker as you trek farther into it.

you didn’t know there could be this much green on a planet. the exotic flora fascinates you, how it glows and interacts with the world around it.

“hold up.” the guide of the brigade raises his hand, all of the soldiers halt in their steps. an animal that resembles a much larger deer strolls from behind a large tree, grazing on the grass.

from your studies, you recognize it as a hexapede. you go to step forward to admire the creature, but you can’t help but notice your lieutenant move his hand to his gun.

he snickers and lifts his gun to aim at the animal, “watch this.” he cockily smirks at the other male comrades next to him, who grin excitedly at the mention of a hunt.

before he could pull the trigger, you turn your back and cover your ears. the ring of the bullet being fired makes you jump. tears instantly burn in your eyes, seeping from your eyes and trailing down your cheeks.

your breath shudders in your chest, heart breaking for the animal that just lost its life for some sort of game.

“look at her.” some of them chuckle as they pass you.

another soldiers walks by, hitting you with his hip which causes you to fall to the ground directly on your ass. the wet dirt seeps into your uniform, soiling your pants with a mud stain.

“get a grip. you need to toughen up, princess. it’s not going to be castles and rainbows out here.” the lieutenant spits out at you from above, face red with anger.

you flinch, shoulders rising higher to your shoulders with every insult thrown at you. the laughter from your comrades makes your anger and embarrassment grow stronger by the second.

you slowly stand to your feet to follow them, facing screwing up in pain with every step. you decide to walk farther behind them since you would rather be eaten by a predator then have a conversation with any of them.

the rest of the day was filled with indoor training, lectures, and meetings with the big guys. all they yell about is reprimanding the na’vi, and if we see them, we shoot to kill.

somehow, every single person in the room seems to be too excited to go out and hunt them- everyone except you.

the thought makes you queasy, like you could vomit at the thought of using violence against them.

back on earth, you studied the omaticaya people for years. the last thing you want to do is to hurt them.

every day is the same. training, lectures, and numerous meetings. the rda somehow created their own avatars, and are using them against the omaticaya people to take down jake sully.

it’s already your fifty-seventh night on pandora, and it feels as if you’ve been here for months. every day, the heavy feeling of wanting to leave grows heavier in your chest.

the thought looms above your head like a dark storm cloud, following you around everywhere you go.

tonight is the night you decide it’s time to leave. you’ve seen and studied enough of the forest to know how to survive for a few days.

all you know is that you need to find this jake sully everyone is talking about to warn him about everything.

you’ve already packed a bag full of non-perishable food and water, a fresh pair of clothes, ammo, and a poncho for the rain. the pistol you stole from training is tucked in the waistband of your pants. you would rather not use it, but if it came to surviving you would have to.

taking a deep breath, you crack open the door to your quarters. you look down the long corridor of the dormitory, seeing that the coast is clear.

you flip your hood onto your head before stepping into the hallway. you keep your head angled down so the cameras can’t get a glimpse of your face.

you truly can’t believe you’re about to do this. you’re honestly stupid. how will you ever get past the guards? you mentally battle yourself to go back to bed and plan this out more, but you’ve already gotten this far.

once you get outside, you pull the full-face oxygen mask up from where it was hanging loosely around your neck. you truly start to believe you actually might get away with this.

you take another deep breath, “you got this. you can do this.” you give yourself a little pep talk, before scurrying behind a wall.

you peek your head out to scope out the area. there’s the gate that leads to the outside and it’s guarded by one guy. it’s only one guy- well, one big guy.

you press your back against the wall you’re hiding behind, looking up at the dark sky that sparkles with stars. you take another deep shaky breath before stepping out and heading straight towards him.

your eyes dart around the area to make sure nobody else is coming. you slyly bring out your knife that sits in a sheath connected to your belt.

“hey! you’re not supposed to be out here.” he shouts loudly at you, forcing you to pick up your pace towards him.

“hey! what’re you doing?!” he goes to grab his gun, but before he could, you lift your heavy boot up to kick in his knee. a loud crunch sounds from his leg, making the man fall to ground with a loud yelp of pain.

before he could cry for help, the blade of your weapon is pressed against his jugular.

“scream, and i’ll kill you.” you hiss at him quietly, eyes still looking to the side to make sure nobody is coming.

“give me your keycard…now!” you tighten your grip on him, pressing the blade into his neck. he grunts as his hands scurry to unhook it and reach it up to you. “you sick fucking bitch.” he seethes out through his teeth.

before you grab it from him, you land a blow to his temple with the handle of the knife. sending the man to the ground unconscious, “douchebag.” you grumble as you bend down to swipe the card off the ground, pressing the plastic key to the scanner.

the gate beeps green, and slowly clicks open as the multiple bolts unlock. you push through the gate, slamming it shut behind you before you break out in a sprint down the steps and into the dirt.

the buildings behind you begin to blare sirens, red lights flashing into the sky. they must’ve found him. “fuck, fuck, fuck!” you whisper to yourself, picking up your pace as you dash to the tree line.

the forest in front of you is dark with no sign of life nor light. you continue sprinting, jumping over logs and hopping over puddles. before you know it, you’re surrounded by vast darkness and the base is no where in sight.

you slow down, leaning against a tree to take a breath. you can’t believe you did it- you actually escaped from that hell hole.

your eyes squeeze shut as you breathe slowly, attempting to slow down your heart rate. “eywa, if you’re there. please don’t let me die.” you speak out into the air desperately.

when you reopen your eyes, you can see absolutely nothing in front of you. that cues you to grab your flashlight from your pack and to begin your hike.

you have no idea where you are going, but from all the intel you overheard in all those meetings you know that their base is somewhere in the hallelujah mountains.

you fish through one of your pockets in your cargo pants, finding the map of the surrounding area. your eyes locate bridgehead, the coastal rda city, and then the mountains.

“holy shit. that’s a long way.” you grumble to yourself as you continue walking forward.

crack!

you stop in your tracks to spin around in a three-sixty, shining your flashlight every which way. another loud crack sounds from behind you that seems even closer than before.

“fuck this shit.” you spit out and take off in a run again. you weave and bob between large tree trunks and leap over fallen ones. you need to find shelter and wait for the sun to come up for the last two hours of nighttime.

you’re thankful that training helped build your stamina because if you couldn’t run for more than five minutes, you’d probably be dead already.

once you slow down, you realize there’s a clearing to your right. as you grow closer, you realize it’s an old hut- specifically an rda scientist pod. your eyes scan the area for any possible danger before stepping out into the open. you keep mind to where you step, making sure to make as little noise as possible.

you notice the pod is overridden with vines, and the windows are shattered. as you step inside, grass cracks under the sole of your boots. you wince from the noise, peeking behind your back to make sure you’re still alone.

you decide to sit down in one of the non-smashed-in avatar capsules, taking a deep breath.

wow, you really did it. you’re now a fugitive of the government.

unbeknownst to yourself, your mind is more exhausted than you thought. you take a few gulps of water, before leaning back to finally (sort of) relax. before you know it, you’re fast asleep.

a few hours later, you’re awoken by a loud screech of some sort of animal. gasping and automatically reaching for your gun, you pull it out and aim it in front of you through the broken window.

the sun has already risen, streaming through the numerous trees surrounding the opening. you take another deep breath to slow your breathing, realizing there’s nothing to worry about.

you decide it’s time to get up and eat something, but you would rather begin your very long trek to the mountains instead. so you grab a granola bar and start heading north.

you pull out the map and your compass, following the directions and hoping you’re going the right way. “god. i’m so stupid.” you whisper to yourself as your head lifts up to see where you're going.

you didn’t realize where you were walking since you were too busy paying attention to the map. suddenly, your feet are taken out from under you and you’re tumbling down a rocky hill.

unfortunately, you land in a large pool of mud at the bottom. sticky, heavy mud that gives off heat.

the air in your lungs feels like fire, oxygen fuels the embers deep in your chest. your throat constricts as you wheeze, the wind is knocked out of you, and it feels as if you’re suffocating.

mud splashes up on your face, the feeling of the thick dirt sucking you under makes you panic even more. another wheeze punches your chest as you attempt to climb out of the pit, but to no avail. the mud continues to suck you under the surface as your nails dig into the grass in attempt to keep your head afloat.

you let out a loud cry once some oxygen returns to your lungs, but you can feel the mud compressing the tube connected to your backpack. some of the air from outside is slowly leaking into your headpiece, making you feel extremely lightheaded.

“please..” you squeak out, eyes squeezing shut as you slowly start coming to terms with your death.

unsure if you’re hallucinating or not, you hear muffled commotion in front of you. your eyes flutter open, vision blurry and unable to make out the large figures. “help.. me.” you softly call out, lungs compressed by the weight of the mud.

suddenly, hands are gripping any part of your exposed body they can get to and you’re being pulled from the pit and laid on the plush grass. you instantly gasp for air as the oxygen returns back into your mask, chest heaving as it alleviates your dizziness.

a coarse cough pummels your chest and you roll over on your side, sucking in fast deep breaths.

“hey, hey… it’s okay.” an accented voice speaks to you before going back to speaking in a foreign language. seemingly, talking to someone else who responds in the same language.

your eyes finally open to see your rescuer, praying to every supernatural god that it’s not the rda.

to your surprise, a very blurry na’vi is crouched in front of you. his golden eyes are wide with fear that glance between you and the person behind you.

your breath gets caught in your throat at the sight of him. a very beautiful one, at that. he’s adorned in handmade beaded and weaved garb. his head is covered in very tight knit braids with various decorations tied in them.

you can tell that he’s arguing with the person behind you in their language, almost making out a few words.

dangerous… human… girl… listen to… dad…?

before you could say anything to him, one of his arms slide under your head and the other slides behind your knees. “don’t worry. we are going to help you.”

his warm skin gives you a sense of relief as he holds you close to his chest while he starts to run. blinking through your blurry vision, you notice another blue figure following closely behind you.

you float in and out of consciousness, every breath you take squeaks as if you have an instrument in your lungs. your head is sitting in the crook of his elbow, now watching mountains flash by. beside you, is another boy flying a banshee.

are you in the fucking air right now?

“please don’t die. stay awake for me.” the one holding you mumbles, making eye contact with you before your eyes flutter shut again.

something burns your nostrils, sending signals to your brain to wake up. “ah!” you yelp, going to sit up but the pain in your body causes you to fall back down in a crying mess.

once your watery eyes finally open, you’re greeted by another pair of yellow eyes, but this time it’s a girl- not the boy who saved you. “hi, i’m kiri.” she smiles wide. her face looks quite familiar.

“don’t tell her your name, skxawng.” someone scolds from somewhere around you, which just makes her roll her eyes. it’s another boy, but not the one who saved you.

“where am i?” you rasp out, looking around at the room you’re in. it’s almost like a makeshift hut with a strong smell of herbs and smoke.

“i can’t tell you that, but just know that you are safe.” her hand gently runs down your hair, making you tense up before relaxing. her entire presence calms you down, there’s just something about her.

“i think you might’ve broken one of your ribs, and you definitely have a concussion.” she sits back on her heels to grab medicine that’s laid out next to her.

“i still think we should get mom and dad.” she chirps, eyeing someone out of the corner of her eye as she crushes something in a mortar.

“if we tell dad, he will kill us for bringing her back here, and then mom will skin us afterwards.” the same voice sounds from the corner of the room.

you can’t help but attempt to lift your head, but kiri’s hand presses on your oxygen mask to keep you down. “stay.” she reprimands you as if you are a dog.

you groan in annoyance, but continue to stay put as she scoops up the medicinal paste she was grinding and swipes it on your forehead and temples. “to relieve your pain.” she smiles at you and nods.

wooden beads clink together as someone enters the room, “is she okay?”

there he is.

“yes and no. she’s in a lot pain but she will live.” kiri speaks to him as she continues rubbing the paste on different points of your body. like your neck, wrists, and numerous pulse points.

the paste gives off a cooling sensation, almost making your pain go away instantaneously. this time, you refuse to listen to the girl. you swiftly sit up to look at the boy, teeth gritting together from your aching muscles.

your movements makes him take a step back, almost like a scared puppy.

“look, i’m not going to hurt you.” you glance at all three of them before continuing, “i’m here to warn your people about what’s coming- what the rda is planning next. i need to talk to jake sully.”

once you mention that name, they all pause and look between each other with an ‘oh shit’ gleam in their eyes.

“what do you know about jake sully?” the older boy stands up straight with his shoulders back, his height towering over you intimidatingly.

“i know he’s your eytukan, and your toruk macto. so that means he’s in charge, right?”

“why do you need to warn him?” the younger boy stands up from behind him, walking forward to face you and await your response.

“the rda. you know, the mercenaries. they brought in avatars, but they want to kill him and everyone that comes in between them.“ your voice is strong as you lay out the facts, but on the inside you’re nervous as hell.

“how do you know you weren’t sent here to spy on us?” the older one speaks again.

“neteyam. i don’t think she—.” kiri gets cut off by his hand raising for her to be quiet.

neteyam… so that’s his name.

he sighs at his name being mentioned. obviously bothered by it as one of his hands come up to rub the bridge of his nose.

“i promise i wasn’t sent here. i came here looking for jake because i just… couldn’t just sit there and do nothing. trust me, please.” he takes a second, almost as if he’s deep in thought.

“i’ll relay the information to him, but i can’t let you be seen by our people. they won’t react well.” he mumbles, “they don’t trust humans that come from where you’re from.”

“lo’ak, why don’t you go get her some food?” neteyam looks back at his brother who throws his hands up in annoyance, “and kiri, why don’t you clean this up so nobody wonders where you are?”

kiri grumbles under her breath as she packs up her medicine and herbs into a pack to leave alongside lo’ak.

and then there were two…

thankfully, neteyam sits down in front of you with his legs crossed- instead of intimidatingly towering over you from above. your eyes travel over his body, admiring the color of his skin and the stripes that adorn him, “so what’s your name?”

“i’m y/n.” you respond with a smile, “i’m guessing you’re neteyam?” you almost let out a laugh, which makes his lips quirk up a bit.

“that’s me.” he shrugs with a shy grin. his fingers tap gently on his knees as he looks around awkwardly.

“how do you know english so well?” you question, making his pointed ears perk up. you watch how his tail curiously flicks behind his body.

“some of the scientists that work here. they’re humans… the good ones.” he quickly adds, his glowing eyes watch your every move.

“thanks for saving me back there. ya know, like in the mud and stuff. i probably would have died if you weren’t there.” you breathe out, almost as if you’re slightly embarrassed by the situation you got yourself into.

“i will be honest, i was kind of scared of you. i didn’t know if you were one of the 'good ones', but i couldn’t just leave you there. i’m a gentleman, you know.” a cocky little grin tugs up on the corner of his mouth.

a deep shiver runs through your body from his words, feeling heat rush onto the apples of your cheeks. for some reason, this na’vi boy is way too charming for his own good.

something stirs in your belly, a gut feeling to keep prying at him slowly. maybe you’ll get to know him better.

“so how old are you?” you ask out of pure curiosity, not for any other reasons…

neteyam slightly stiffens at the question, eyes squinting at you for a brief moment before softening. almost as if he was deciding what to say, “i’m twenty.” he states simply with a blank face.

“i’m nineteen.” you blurt it out, even if he didn’t reciprocate the question.

neteyam smiles and goes to answer, but lo’ak bursts through the beaded doorway with various foods in his hands. he dumps it on the bed in front of you, bowing like a servant.

“bon appetite.” he grumbles sarcastically before turning around and heading back out of the room- but not without purposely bumping into neteyam with his hip.

“what’s up with him?” you almost laugh as you rummage through the exotic fruits in front of you.

“that’s my brother, lo’ak. he’s an ass.” he shakes his head with a laugh, his braids swing on his head as he does so.

you go to pick up a bright pink fruit to bite into it, “wait! don’t bite it. you cannot eat the skin.” he crawls toward you, unsheathing his knife from his waistband.

“what’re you gonna do? stab me?” you ask playfully which makes the boy smirk at you, “yeah, i might as well. it’ll keep you from asking anymore questions.”

his response makes you laugh and shake your head. his large hand wraps around the fruit to take it from you, slicing around the center to follow the seed in the middle. almost like a giant pink avocado.

he lifts the top off, and there sticks out the oblong seed sitting inside yellow pulp that looks disgustingly delicious. “so all you have to do is suck on the seed…” he trails off, bringing the fruit to your lips. you pull the oxygen mask off your face, holding your breath.

“and pull it out with your teeth, then you can drink the inside.” his voice is breathy as he watches your lips wrap around the seed to lick off the extra pulp stuck to it. you can’t help but tease the boy by looking up at him through your eyelashes, which makes his breath evidently hitch.

neteyam gulps as he watches you pull the seed out with your teeth, before you take the fruit from his hand to tip the fruit back to drink the inside.

you pull the mask back over your face, looking up at him with a little smile. “that was delicious, thank you. it kind of tasted like vanilla pudding.”

his eyebrows furrow, “pudding?” he questions.

“oh yeah. it’s from earth. like a sweet, thick textured milk. it’s yummy, but not good for you.” you lean back in the bed you’re laying in, stretching your arms above your head.

neteyam‘s heart beats a little faster as he watches your shirt slowly hike up to reveal your belly.

“so who’s bed am i in?” you smile softly up at him from where he’s sitting the end of the bed, shaking him out of his trance.

“mine. this is my… erm- kelku.”

“oh, your room?” you smile at him and he nods, “yeah, m'sorry i didn’t know the english word.”

“don’t be sorry.” you shake your head at him, still smiling away, “does your kelku have a bathroom i can use?”

neteyam grins at your use of a na’vi word, “ah no, but… i can take you to get cleaned up. you just might have to wait until sunset.”

you overly exaggerate a loud sigh, making the glass fog up but you can’t help but still smile at him so he knows you’re not really upset. “okay fine..” you grumble sarcastically as you sit back up with your legs crossed.

“they really made more avatars, huh?” neteyam asks.

“and they’re dangerous and were created solely for combat. i don’t want to see you and your family get hurt. all of you have already gone through so much.” you mumble, eyes falling down to your hands sitting in your lap.

neteyam reaches out to lay one of his hands on yours, completely engulfing your lap with it. the soft touch makes your eyes raise to look at him, “you… are brave.” he nods his head along with his words.

you couldn’t help but beam, a sense of accomplishment filling your chest. “thank you.” you turn your hands up so your palms were against his. you carefully wrap your hands around his, holding his one hand with both of your own.

“you put your own life at risk to help us… to let us know we’re in danger. so i thank you.” his fingers curl in to hold onto your hands with a soft smile curling onto his lips.

something in you urges you to leap forward, to rip this goddamn mask off and kiss this boy to show your appreciation for his kindness.

it seems as if he’s feeling the same way by how he is looking at you. his big round eyes glance over your lips before returning back to your eyes, his chest is picking up pace from his rapid breathing.

the sound of beads rustling snaps both of you out of your mutual fascination with each other. “just coming to check on her.” kiri walks forward with her hands on her hips.

“and what are you two doing?” she looks down at your hands wrapped around each other, making neteyam jump back and stand swiftly to his feet. you can’t help but notice his braids swing wildly with every move.

“i- um…” he points at you then scratches his head, “i’ll be right back.” he bolts out the doorway, leaving you silent and shocked.

“boys.” kiri sticks out her tongue in disgust as she bends down to your level to check the paste she smeared on you. “seems like your body is reacting to it well. are you feeling okay?” she looks up at you.

“yeah. i actually feel completely fine. a little sore, but that’s nothing out of the ordinary.” you laugh, which makes your ribs ache.

“then you didn’t break a rib, but just bruised yourself.” she hums as she stands up to her feet.

“you need to get cleaned up. you’re covered in mud.” she looks over your body, her nose scrunching up at the sight.

“oh yeah.. um neteyam said he would take me during sunset.” you awkwardly laugh as you gnaw on your lip.

kiri slightly side-eyes you, before shrugging. “okay... then. get some rest, i’ll have neteyam come to you when he’s ready.” she comfortingly rubs your shoulder before walking out.

you let out a groan before falling back against the cot, rolling onto your side with a slight wince from the dull pain.

your body refuses to fall asleep, unable to get comfortable from the curiosity of wanting to see what’s outside of your room. you decide to just peek, it won’t harm anyone, right?

you quietly slide out of the bed and tip toe to the beaded doorway. your hands move them to the side so you could get a good look. it’s nothing but rocky wall and the backside of another hut, which is disappointing.

you slowly creep out from behind the beads, looking around to make sure nobody can see you.

you press your back to the outside of the hut, sliding across it to the front to look on the other side. before you could step out, a very large hand presses against your mouth and an arm wraps around your waist to hoist you up.

you let out a yelp into the palm of your captor, kicking your legs once they leave the safety of being on the ground. “shh, shh… it’s just me.” neteyams voice whispers next to your ear.

your body relaxes as he turns around to walk back inside of his room to put you down. you turn on your heel to scold him for scaring you, but he starts first, “i was coming to get you so i could bring you to get cleaned up, but you decided you would like to escape now, huh?” the tone of his voice seems agitated, and his breathing is quite fast.

“anybody could have seen you! my parents could have seen you! they would have tried to hurt you. you’re not trying to leave, are you?” he slightly whisper-yells at you, now obviously frustrated.

you’re a bit taken aback by his demeanor, “look, i’m sorry. i wasn’t trying to leave, i just wanted to look around. ya know… see what it looked like.” you sheepishly speak out. you can feel your heart rate starting to pick up.

“i don’t believe it. are you trying to spy on us?” his eyes are slightly squinted, now starting to pace in front of you. “i don’t want to keep you here, if you’re the one putting us in danger.”

your eyes blow wide in shock, heart dropping to your feet. “no, no! neteyam, believe me, please!” he stops in his tracks to watch you, “i wasn’t trying to spy or anything, i swear! i’m just a curious person and i’ve studied the omaticaya clan for years. i just wanted to see what it looked it. i wasn’t trying to spy, i promise you!” your voice gets higher as your emotions start to take over.

neteyam notices your watery eyes and shaky hands, slowly coming to terms that you’re actually telling the truth. “don’t cry.” he mutters out, running a stressed hand through his braids.

he takes a hesitant step towards you, head angled down to look at you from above. one of his hands cradle your head, tip of his thumb rubbing over your forehead and down the bridge of your tiny nose. “i don’t want to make you cry.”

“i just don’t want…” you sniffle, “you to think of me that…” another sniffle, “…way.” your bottom lip quivers, as all the horrible memories of the rda come rushing back into your brain.

“i don’t, i don’t. i am sorry.” he bends down slightly, eyes darting over your face in attempt to search for a way to help you. he wishes he could kiss you, to make you feel better.

“would you like to go get cleaned up? i found woman’s clothing in the scientist’s shack.” he mumbles, gesturing to the pack on his back.

“oh really?” you brighten up slightly at the sound of getting clean clothes.

“follow me.” neteyam motions with his hand for you to walk with him.

he parts the beads for you to walk through with him, bringing you down the rocky hallway with numerous huts filled with other na’vi. “i may have told my dad about you. he wants to meet you after i get you clean.” he nonchalantly speaks as if you know who his dad is.

“and who’s your dad and why do i want to talk to him?” you question with a laugh.

“oh… well my dad is jake sully.” he mumbles, “i didn't tell you because i didn’t trust you at first.”

“hm.. that’s reasonable. i can’t believe he’s your dad though that’s crazy. the big and bad toruk macto.” you giggle softly, covering your mouth with your very dirty hand.

neteyam can’t help but laugh along, “yeah… big and bad, sure…” he grumbles sarcastically as he walks you up to a clearing.

there’s a few banshees laying on the rock next to an opening in the floor, and a giant hut in the middle next to the science pods. you can see the tops of a few na’vi’s heads but they don’t notice you thankfully. you can't help but feel excited to finally see one of these in real life, let alone ride on one.

“let’s go.” he jogs toward his ikran, bringing his braid forward to make his bond with it. he easily climbs onto the large animal before he reaches out to you to help you climb on. “we’ve got to hurry. hold on to me tight, okay?”

your arms wrap around his waist tightly, one of his hands reach back to pull you closer by your thigh. “wrap your legs around me. this is gonna be a wild ride.” he chuckles. you can’t help but feel nervous as your legs wrap around his hips, making your body quite literally flush with his back.

the banshee squawks loudly before nosediving off of the landing, making your stomach do somersaults in your stomach. “neteyaaaaaam!” you squeal loudly as the wind rushes by your ears and your arms hold him in a deadly grip.

he finally levels out, cackling loudly and throwing his head back. “the way you screamed my name!” he belly laughs as he continues to fly forward.

“you can’t just drop us into the sky with no warning!” you can’t help but laugh along, arms and legs still wrapped around him tightly like a vise.

neteyam slightly descends into the forest below, dodging numerous trees and taking turns until he finds where he needs to land. “finally.” you breathe out once you slide off the animal, “i’ve never been so happy to see the ground!” you exclaim which makes him laugh.

neteyam pulls the pack off of the side of the bird, swinging it over his shoulder and walking forward. you take it as a cue to follow him, hopping over a few rocks that he easily steps over.

the sound of running water grows louder as you keep walking, eyes searching the area for where the sound is coming from. “just up here.” he calls back at you, picking up his pace.

you can’t help but start running, since his speed walk is like a sprint for you. “god, neteyam. i’m tinier than you. slow down!”

before you know it, he stops in his tracks right in front of a clearing. “here it is.” he breathes out with a wide smile.

you duck under his arm, a gasp leaving your mouth from the view in front of you.

natural pools cascade down a mountain, spilling into each other like a domino effect, creating multiple spouts of water that pour into a lake. the color of the water is cerulean, sparkling in the sunlight.

“the best thing about this place. is that humans can naturally breathe here.” neteyam states as he admires the small waterfalls.

“what?!” you shriek in excitement, tugging on his arm happily, “how?!”

“the mix of gases in the air and in the water create the perfect recipe for humans to breathe, but only for a little bit.” he grabs your hand to pull you forward down the little hill towards the lake.

“you can get cleaned up here.” he drops the bag onto the ground before bending down to rummage through it. “stole this.” he hands you a plastic bottle of old spice body wash from earth, “and this.” he hands you another bottle of two-in-one shampoo and conditioner.

obviously the stash of a man, but you couldn’t be happier to see soap. you know that you have to smell terrible.

“thank you very much, kind sir.” you hold the soaps to your chest and dance around happily like a kid in a candy shop.

“what… are you doing?” he stares up at you in awe, his pearly whites on show.

“dancing cause i’m happy. now close your eyes so i can get undressed.” you cheekily smirk at him, making his eyes go wide and turn his head away from you.

you place the soaps on the ground, using your hands to finally take the mask off your face. you take a deep breath of fresh air, the natural smell of dirt and plants filling your senses.

you swiftly pull your shirt over your head and your pants down your legs, along with your underwear and sports bra.

you keep your eyes on the back of neteyams head, grabbing the soaps and taking a few hesitant steps into the water.

“oh my god! it’s warm!” you cheer with a surprised laugh, continuing to walk farther into the lake until you reached one of the spouts of falling water.

you can’t help but put the soap down on a ledge, ducking your head under the natural faucet. you almost moan from the feeling of the caked mud washing out of your hair, “neteyam! this is amazing!” you glance back at him, seeing his back is now towards you.

aw, what a gentleman.

neteyam can’t help but turn around slightly to glance at you. you’re waist deep in the lake, standing under the water as you wash your hair.

he admires your back, watching how the brown water turns to clear as it flows down your skin in little streams. he wishes he could reach out and touch your soft body.

he feels terrible for looking, but he can’t help himself- you’re just so beautiful. he wants to admire your body like a form of art, not for an object of his own personal pleasure.

some ways that you move, he can catch an glimpse of the swell of your breast. making his head around turn to stop looking, but something deep in his belly urges him to go in there with you.

the sound of moving water behind you makes your heart skip a beat. something wants you to turn around, to look and confirm what your gut is telling you.

neteyam is in here with you.

before you could turn around, a tall shadow looms over you from behind. your hands drop to your side, breathing picking up in pace from his proximity.

“can i… touch you?” his voice is low, deeper than normal.

“please.” you desperately respond into the air.

neteyam’s fingers dance over your sides, sending shivers down your spine. his thumbs gently press into the dimples of your lower back as he bends down.

you can feel his warm breath ghosting over your shoulder and onto the next one before he finally lays a kiss against your damp skin. “you are so beautiful.” he whispers, which makes you smile.

“i shouldn’t be doing this.” his voice murmurs in your ear, making your head lull back against his abdomen. “you’re right, but it’ll feel so good.” you look up at him, watching how his face screws up in shock from your words.

“bad influence.” he snickers, nose scrunching up cutely. his hands quickly take dominance over you, twirling you around so your back was pressed against the cool surface of the damp rock.

he leans down just enough, lips barely pressing against yours with a featherlight touch. your breath mixes with his, making you lean forward to attempt to kiss him but he pulls back.

“are you sure?” he asks, which just makes you roll your eyes. your arms swoop around his neck to pull him down to you- finally kissing those damn lips you’ve been dying for.

neteyam smiles into the kiss as his hands slither up your sides, making you giggle from the soft touches. “does that tickle?” he hums into your mouth, making you nod fervently.

your lips move in sync, tongues wiggling against each other as he deepens the kiss by turning his head to the side. his giant hands cup your breasts, the tips of his fingers reaching just above your collarbones.

his hands move to your back, snaking downwards under the water to cup your butt with his hands. “your body is amazing.” he groans against your lips which makes your face flush.

neteyam can feel his back aching from bending down to your level so he lifts you up from your ass, making you squeal as your back is pressed against the wall behind the waterfall.

“backs hurtin’… can’t bend down.” he breathes out against you, moving his lips away from yours to slowly kiss down your neck. he spends time ravishing your skin with kisses and tiny love bites.

you gasp and wriggle in his arms, shivers wrack your body from his teeth running over your sweet spots.

neteyam slowly backs away from the wall, shuffling directly under the water which spills over both of your heads but neither of you could care. you’re both completely enamored with each other.

he shuffles back over to the rocky bank where your clothes are piled up. he gently lays you down on the flat surface, standing tall to admire your nude body from above.

suddenly, you feel overexposed and you go to cover yourself but he stops you, “don’t do that, tìlor.”

the little nickname makes you smile, even if you have no idea what it means.

neteyam leans over you, lips hovering over yours before kissing you softly. so delicate as if you would shatter from the slightest touch.

“means beauty of all things.” he mumbles against your lips before dragging his lips down your chin. he presses wet kisses down your neck, between your breasts and down to your navel.

his hands cup under your ass to push your legs up, shins resting on his shoulders. “gonna make you feel so good, ma tìlor.” he repeats the same word that makes you go crazy.

the feeling of his breath puffing over your core makes you wiggle in anticipation, “please, ‘teyam…” you whine.

he smiles at your begging before dipping down, swiping his tongue through your dripping folds. “oooh my god.” you gasp out.

neteyam smirks as he dives deeper with his tongue, keeping his eyes on you the entire time to watch how you writhe under his touch.

his entire mouth fits over your cunt, his tongue flattens against your clit before his lips wrap around the bud to create suction.

you cry out in surprise, hands flying to his head to grip it as your back arches off of the ground. one of his arms wrap around your hips, right above your pelvis to hold you in place.

he chuckles against you, which sends another shockwave of pleasure to course through your entire body.

he can tell by your body language, and the heartbeat he can feel that you’re already so close to release, so he reluctantly pulls off with a pop.

a string of saliva and your juices connects his lips to your core, a giddy smile pulls up on his face. your eyes glance over his wet chin, the look on his face makes you want to push his head back down between your legs. your chest bounces with every sharp breath, now starting to feel the effects of the toxic gas getting to your head.

neteyam kisses his way back up your body, tongue licking random stripes on your skin. your hands attempt to reach down to untie his loincloth, but they aren’t long enough.

“so tiny.” he mumbles against your skin before pulling back. he presses one forearm against the rock to hold himself up on top of you, while his other one is working on pulling the thin cloth off.

your eyes can’t help but bulge out of your head once he throws the cloth to the side. his cock sits heavy between your bodies, blue and striped like the rest of his body. the pink tip is oozing pre-cum, just begging to be licked up. it's almost as if he could read your mind...

“not now, later… wanna be inside of you first.” he swiftly kisses you before he grips the base of his cock to line it up at your entrance. your legs absentmindedly wrap around his slender waist.

nervousness bubbles in your chest from his size, because how is that going to fit inside of your body...?

“i’ll be gentle with you, ‘promise.” he reassures you, eyes looking over you before leaning down to pepper kisses all over your face.

he slowly thrusts forward, letting it run through your folds to soak up your wetness. he breathily moans into your mouth from the feeling. the sound could quite literally make you cum without being touched.

“ready?” one of his arms are above your head as he looks down at you, while the other holds his cock.

you nod and bring your bottom lip between your teeth, glancing up at him and in between your bodies to watch. your hands rise to rest on his sides, right on top of his rib cage.

he tantalizingly presses his tip against your entrance, making you suck in a sharp breath. your eyes are wide as you look up at him, but his gaze is too focused watching himself push into you.

god, he stretches you out. it burns, and you feel so full- overly full. the tip gets sucked in by your entrance, making his face screw up in pleasure. his plump lips part in awe before his eyes look down at your face in attempt to read your expression.

“good?” he asks softly with a shaky voice, and all you can do is nod.

his hips push forward after letting you adjust for a moment, your nails dig deep into his skin as a mewl falls from your lips.

you throw your head back against the rock, face screwing up as his cock completely splits you open.

he gets about half way before he pulls back out, and thrusts back in to the same depth. “ngh!” you whine, hands desperately clinging onto his body.

neteyam digs his head into the junction where your neck meets your shoulder, biting down on your skin. almost hard enough to draw blood with his sharpened canines.

“oh yes, ‘teyam...” you moan out as the pain of the stretch slowly succumbs to the pleasure sparking in your lower belly.

“you feel so good, my girl.” he chokes out, one of his hands cups the side of your head to pull you in for another kiss.

it was barely a kiss though, mostly just moans and breaths spilling into each others mouths.

neteyam uses your sounds as a suggestion to slightly pick up his pace, his cock going even deeper inside of you than before.

your body bounces with every thrust, drunken hiccups and gasps bubble from your lips as your nails scratch over his ribs.

“pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.” your words slur together as you feel the tightness building up in your lower belly.

neteyam starts rambling in his language, the tone of his voice shows how desperate he is for release. his tail absentmindedly twitches and wraps around your ankles, locking them into place around his back.

you couldn’t even care at this moment if he would cum in you. the feeling of him inside you has you hypnotized.

your head feels dizzy, and you can see stars in your vision whenever you blink. the lack of oxygen is getting to your brain, making you feel lightheaded and even more sensitive to his cock ramming into you.

“gooooonna cuuum.” your voice is high and your words are drawn out.

“mmmm sran, ma tìlor.” he moans out, his teeth bite down on your shoulder. definitely drawing blood this time by the pain that sparks up your neck.

one last thrust, he pushes almost the full length of his cock inside of you as he releases. you swear you can feel it in your throat.

he lets out a guttural groan against your skin, his back quivering as he thrusts every last bit of his seed into you.

you cry out in pain and euphoria, eyes rolling back inside of your head. your body arches off of the ground as you climax in unison with him, thighs gripping his sides tightly and chest pressing into his.

neteyam uses this moment to kiss you as if he would never kiss you again. his lips move intensely against yours, savoring the taste of your lips before pulling his head back to shove the oxygen mask back on your face.

you instantly suck in a deep breath, chest heaving as your foggy head begins to clear from finally being able to breathe clean air.

neteyam gently rolls over onto his side next to you on the rock, his hand still holding your mask on your face as he attempts to catch his own breath.

he gently presses soft kisses along your arm, and uses his other hand to touch the bruised puncture wounds on your shoulder.

“m’sorry. got carried away.” he breathes out heavily, resting his head on your shoulder.

you take a moment to pull the mask onto your face fully so he didn’t have to hold it for you.

“don’t ever… be sorry. that was fucking amazing.” you laugh in shock as you look down at him. a big smile is on his face as he stares up at you from his place on your chest.

you both lay there in silence, the only sounds being your heavy breathing and birds in the distance. “we should probably get dressed and head back since my dad wants to talk to you.” he mumbles a bit sadly.

you huff a breath out, but nod in agreement. “you’re right.” you mumble, sitting up along with him.

he ties his loincloth back on himself before grabbing the pack to fetch the clothes for you. he hands them to you with a little smile.

you hold out the shirt, seeing it’s a very old rda employee shirt and some sweatpants. you stand to your feet to pull the clothes onto your body, and thankfully they fit.

“oh…” neteyam breathes out disappointedly, “your neck… i’m sorry.” he reaches out to run his thumb over the hickeys and teeth marks he left behind.

“nobody will notice, right?” you attempt to look down at the damage, but from the angle you can’t see what he is talking about.

“uhm.. right.” he agrees with a nervous little laugh.

the ride back was full of laughter and light-hearted remarks coming from neteyam about his dad. mostly just preparing you to talk to him, on what and what not to do.

once the ikran lands on the rocky floor of the cave, you can’t help but take notice to a very tall na’vi man waiting directly in front of you.

“and that’s my dad.” he whispers quietly enough to you as he helps you off the animal. he lets off a little sigh as you duck under his arms to walk up to jake. rule number one was to let neteyam introduce you first, but you didn't listen.

“hi, sir.” you clear your throat, reaching a hand out for him to shake. jake uncrosses his arms to shake your hand, and you can’t help but notice that he has five fingers. unlike four, like his son.

“i know this is terrible timing, but i promise the information i have is worth while.” you give him a curt nod, standing tall with your shoulders back so you wouldn’t look weak.

jake let’s out a little breath and his eyes glance over your body before raising to stare at his son, “and do you think whatever you did to her neck was worth while?”

you freeze in your spot, body instantly heating with embarrassment. you slowly turn your head to look up at neteyam. his eyes are wide like saucers as he stares at his dad, his adam’s apple bobs as he gulps.

when the boys eyes trail over to you, humor bubbles in your chest when you make eye contact. it seems like he’s feeling the same by the way he’s trying to force the smile away that’s slowly creeping onto his face.

almost like a ticking time bomb, the two of you burst out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, stumbling into the space between your bodies to lean on each other for support.

oh my eywa, you’re both really in trouble now.

tags: @supernerdycookietrashblr @fireflystoughts @eddieslvt @bluealiensimp @aliseaaah

#avatar #avatar twow #avatar x reader #neteyam x reader #neteyam #avatar x you #neteyam sully x reader #neteyam sully x y/n #neteyam x y/n #neteyam sully x you #neteyam sully #neteyam x human reader #neteyam x you #avatar x y/n #neteyam smut #neteyam sully smut

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hetalia-club · 5 months

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I just have to spill my thoughts here for a second about my personal life for my own sanity. feel free to happily ignore and scroll by.

Good news everyone :D I just dumped my toxic emotionally abusive boyfriend. Terrible News everyone! :DDDD He was also my best friend and childhood best friend so isn't that great!? :)))

We were supposed to go to Sicily together in May...Why did I DO THAT!? I spent 2k on my plane ticket...the room is reserved... Do I like just not go to Italy now? Do I say F it and just go by myself? Do I try and quickly beg someone else to go with me who's okay with spending at least 2k on a plane ticket? Which would be no one in my life, maybe my parents would but idk what they got going on. I really wanted to go. Why could I have like just not waited until after that? We share a friend group and they are all more his friends than mine. So I just like isolated myself for no reason.

Sorry to dump this here and no I don't expect any of you to have the answers or do anything with this information.

These past few weeks for me have been really rough and I just made it somehow worse.

He distanced me from all my former friends who have all like moved on and have families and whatever and who I have not spoken to in five years so all I have right now is my family and work 'friends' I don't even like. I'm going to have to live with my parents for who knows how long because it was his house he had all the money in our relationship. He convinced me to quit my good desk job with benefits to work part time as a barista so I could clean his house and cook for him. But he also put up with all my weirdness and was fine with it.

Like when I say I have no idea what to do I truly mean that.

again I don't want anyone to feel responsible to do something about how I royalty screwed up my life. It's no ones fault. I shouldn't have let him isolate me so much from my friends and former life but TOO LATE NOW! I just need to stop being with men who have brown hair and brown eyes but are objectively terrible.

My only silver lining is that I was the one to end it. Which if anything am proud of myself for that because I have never broken up with anyone before and I normally just deal with whatever people do to me no matter how terrible and mean they are. I just have always forgiven him and everyone else.

But when some dude bro sits you down and asks you to "List reasons why you deserved to be loved by him" it was just too much. Like that might seem petty but I am sick of being the 'pretty girlfriend' I am so tired of having to dress to the 9s to go out and be expected to be perfect even if we're just going to a F*ng dive bar where I get stared out for dressing like I'm going to a club. Where he gets to look like a diarrhea stain who can't be bothered to wear a shirt that's not wrinkled or shave his scraggly beard. Why he thinks I should make a list of MY worth as a human being in his eyes. When he is average at best!? Like I'm not a 10 I'm not perfect I'm not delusional, I don't think I'm the hottest girl in the world or gods gift to man kind. But I'm out of his league, I do know that!

I always tend to cling to Hetalia harder when my life is falling apart around me because that's sort of just what I've done since I was a teen. I've never been in a healthy relationship with someone who actually likes me and Hetalia has always been there for me. Which is why I have been making a lot of content lately, it's been a distraction and I'm sorry if I've been bugging people with how much I've been posting. That's not been my intentions its just my coping mechanism and it's better than drinking...

This is the only social media I have that he's not on. I don't hate him enough to block him. I do still want to try and be his friend at some point if that's possible. I love his family and they love me and it's going to be so upsetting to see them again from a different perspective.

I'm okay...It's just been really rough lately...And I somehow just made it worse.(No I'm not going to hurt myself or anyone, don't even worry about that.)

#hc talking smack #i'm going to start dating men over 60...#i am one of the few fortunate people in this world who have wonderful parents thankfully. if not idk what i would do tbh...#i know they would never turn me away or kick me out in a million years #and i do think they will come to Italy with me if i ask “pretty please” they may even fund it if i seem sad enough

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xnarlie-starlightx · 1 year

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Hedric (Harry Potter x Cedric Diggory) from Harry Potter

I’m unsure as for Potterheads’s first same gender ship their self but this already was/is my first fave slash, almost canon, OTP and tragic love story before and after how many ships I’ve got that has some similarity just like this tragically ship itself.

Harry’s terrible timing but unfortunately founds Cedric as his soulmate while they don’t know how it’ll turned out, this ship definitely gives me “I personal don’t care if it’s either canon, almost canon or non canon because I’m allowed view those two fiction characters together all because they deserve better” vibes and how much it foreshadows for me being a sucker for tragic love story ships and how different it could’ve turned out instead actual canon ending itself. Otherwise, I really honestly don’t care much when some most fans mention or comment their preference for notice canon or popular non canon ships because it’s still neutrally fine by me from their own liking; I’m mainly focus finding ships that’s either tried to understand/enjoy paring itself except it’s not for me or made for me afar reacting each parings instead sink into toxicity level.

Speaking of toxicity fan/shipper from this fandom: don’t let Drarry Vs Dramione and Snily Vs Jily or other red flag solution drag you down no matter how afar worst it still goes; it’s better to find rare positive fans while you shall keep them as new friends and avoiding drama as possible. Even myself as a non toxic shipper of two ships, Drarry and Snily, I still don’t comment Severus’s ‘better’ than James unlike how some most Team Snape does because he’s not while myself over here still loves viewing Harry and likable Draco together as a realistic LGBT couple instead love and hate relationship.

Besides how afar this post’s involve, reasons why Hedric’s involve because nothing still can’t change how much I despite her-name-shall-not-be-name from all the damage she cause between Harry and Cedric were almost endgame their self and how many fans she hurt before and after her transphobic comment came along. Some Potterheads mentioned their childhood’s ruined because of her transphobic comment, well.. according as for mine, already’s half ruined because disturbances why Harry and Cedric never got together instead transphobic, homophobic and racism ‘Queen’’s comment. Am I forevermore bitter towards Jo*nne all for preventing Cedric and Harry becoming boyfriends?

Yes, but, Potterheads can’t separate HP book series from her cause she’s still a creator of World Of Harry Potter and all characters she has created. She can make entire excuses all she wants to especially dodging Hedric and other Potterheads’s fave ships, at least HP fandom their self can still make this fandom a better place for all fans while it’s half of something she couldn’t do along doesn’t has to be either mentioned or involve. Yet, Radcliffe and Watson aren’t suppose to respond her transphobic tweet but they did and make Potterheads relief and better instead no longer continuing support her-name-shall-not-be-named.

My apologies this went unfortunately longer between rant and discuss all in one post about her and Hedric, it’s part of reasons why I make this another HP post. If there’s another ship that’s been accurately ruined for you by R*wl*ng after take your time reading this, take care and feel free to leave a comment anytime if I shall make another post.

Almost ending of 2022, let’s hope 2023 could’ve been a better year for all of us

#two lovely fan arts I thought afar involving in this post ✨😊❤️💛🌈🏳️‍🌈#Cedric and Harry could’ve been an adorable couple if only Cedric wasn’t killed off #sorry for this #long rant #carry on rn #harry potter x cedric diggory #cedric diggory x harry potter #cedric x harry #harry x cedric #hedric #harric #cedric diggory #harry potter #harry potter/hp confession #hp fandom #harry potter fandom

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jiangwanyinscatmom · 3 years

Note

[1/?] Sorry for venting. I just saw some bad takes that gave me a lot of feelings. Personally, JC stresses me out every time he comes on screen, but I don't mind it when JC fans say fan-typical things like how they like JC because he wears purple, or is grumpy, or they think he's hot, or that they ship x*ch*ng because the cql actors have nice jawlines. They're harmless, fun takes, and while I don't agree with some of them, I see where they're coming from

Hello there anon, vent away as that is what my blog is open for as I love/hate on Jiang Cheng as he is in the plot, as well as all of my beef with what has been done to him for the EN side of the fanbase! I am more than fine listening and engaging with the unsavory "unpopular" discussions of his canon behavior and this goes for anyone of course that needs an open play area. I'll try to engage with what you have sent point by point as succinctly as I can.

[2/?] (some of these are obviously crack, and I am a fan of a few problematic faves). But then there are stans that just have to put other characters down to make JC look good. Like, I think some fans take their freedom of interpretation for granted because most of these takes aren't even labeled 'headcanon,' 'ooc,' or 'crack' anymore. Stans feel that their interpretations are valid, and while they are, valid =/= canon, and they're treating these takes as canon, which becomes popular fanon.

I enjoy Jiang Cheng for what he is, however as I had said it took me another reread to get to my stance of him being the negative mirror to Lan Wangji's positive and my comfort with that for the story once I realized what purpose he served. He is only insofar tragic in regards to his circumstances, but it does not absolve him for what he is at his core (no pun, but I can make a very nice metaphor that even with a piece of Wei Wuxian in him he is still forever unable and unwilling to stand by him equally all while stagnating where as Lan Wangji is able to flourish, grow and mature with nothing of import left from Wei Wuxian in a technical sense). As for ships, I am a little dirty Xicheng whore for fun and can say there is a sense of entertainment for me making it work with two people where one is wildly ignorant and the other wildly rabid. But that is outside of what is established as canon in the work and I always try to keep the two strictly separate due to the skew fanon perpetuates.

3/?] And now, it's not clear what part of the fanon references canon JC or the canon events of mdzs. JC is an asshole; I don't like him as a person, but I do think that he's a complex character motivated by many issues (sup, YeeZY), which makes him fascinating to explore. Unfortunately, erasing his culpability also removes his agency. JC should be allowed to be an asshole character who makes his own decisions even if they're the wrong ones. He has made his own tragedy by constantly casting Wei Wuxian as the villain of his life.

Now thanks to you I will be using YeeZY to forever and now to acknowledge Madam Yu (this is your fault for the new tag). From a standing from storytelling I agree that he is complex in the Jianghu for MDZS. Where in the usual political intrigue of Wuxia, he would be the mustache twirling villain that is outright unforgivable in narration, it is by favor of Wei Wuxian's narration that has an early steeping of empathy for him. And he is not meant to be seen as ultimately sympathetic, the work builds up his hate against Wei Wuxian who tries to rationalize it all several times until he is finally unable to. Jiang Cheng is the antithesis to Lan Wangji and the false bait to get attached to in Wei Wuxian's first life. I will make the note their meeting in Yiling is lukewarm between both as they exchange nothing really in terms of conversation and all pleasantries are left in terms of Jiang Yanli for Wei Wuxian. By this point Wei Wuxian has already switched his yearnings of platonically wanting a part of Jiang Cheng's life, to subconscious romantic inclinations about Lan Wangji and the perceived loss of being in the other's life.

The very point of Jiang Cheng as the deconstruction, is that he has no passion in life despite his apparent exploits because he put a shadow to hang over himself as an excuse to say others think he is not good enough. He has no deeper motivations than pure selfishness by the end of the work and is pure frivolity that he has built up losing the meaning of his sect as a tradition. He had his agency (more than anyone I might add in the work due to his social position) that he used to build his reputation as a passive rich sect leader that has little to do with civilian problems.

4/?] And I think a JC, somehow, that realizes that he did something wrong and is working hard to change for the better and gain self-actualization to become that UWU best jiujiu the stans want him to be, who is ready to talk (not yell at) with WWX, apologize to him, and create a better, healthier relationship with him is a much more powerful reconciliation and happy ending than 'everyone is wrong and mean and they all apologize to JC, which magically gets rid of all his issues'.

He is forced out of culpability in reconciliation because simply put, his audience do not like the reality that relationships fray and dissolve with no further resolution other than we as adults both need to move on for safety and good health. It is not acceptable in real life and fiction is allowed to place that also in it's thematic relationships. He has a small, small spark of recognition at the end of the main story, however he himself seems to choose to ignore it, as change is hard and he has never taken to that well as was foreshadowed with his dogs and the idea of sharing a space with Wei Wuxian. To write this is an awful lot of work into his psyche which is not a nice place, he is a terrible being and downplaying that to make a sugar sweet person does not work instantaneously. He is the one responsible for the entire fallout with Wei Wuxian and he hysterically realizes that even as he tries to continue to blame Wei Wuxian.

The issue that I have with his current stan culture, is that they already view him as something he is not. They play at bicycle with all of the other protagonists that have positive traits that they strip as they see fit; Good affirming loving to children adult Lan Wangji, Self-sacrificing ultimately did it all for love and care Wei Wuxian, Hard exterior but softened to who they consider an annoyance Wen Qing, Loyal as partners in their exploits on the field and always have each others back Wen Ning. They even take Jin Guangyao's persona of playing damsel and using that as a positive to soften up Jiang Cheng into something he has never been for anyone for ships.

[5/5] Also, making WWX/WN/LWJ apologize just makes them look better than JC. Like, stans supposedly love JC, so they ahouldn't be lazy and work hard to give him actual character development. Again, I'm sorry for spamming your ask. It just really baffles me about where they get these 'hot' takes (All I'm going to say is that JC was ungrateful, and WN had a reason verbally dismantle him).

They see this, but, they will spin it in any way to excuse Jiang Cheng due to the story itself showing that he was in the wrong to everyone he flung accusations at and his hate. No one but him is at fault for his spite as he had gotten his revenge on the ones that had ruined Lotus Pier and killed his parents. His own resentment pitted him against good and well meaning people that he refused to help as he mimicked his mother's words about raising their heads higher out of goodness instead of keeping low and staying self-centered. There is the underlying criticism of taking individual arrogance as self-care at the cost of others. Each point that Wen Ning makes is exactly what Jiang Cheng himself knows as he hated Wei Wuxian for being something he could not be or even wanted to be. Jiang Cheng wants kindness but does not understand that kindness to others needs to be selfless and accept the hurt that can come with that in life. He encompasses the fall from the path of buddhist lifestyle, "The Three Poisons" to Wangxian's "Without Envy" at the stories end.

[6/5] P.S. I'm not saying I want reconciliation fics, but I just feel that if stans want JC to have a happy ending, then I think that he should actively work for it. I think it would be interesting to see what force of nature would push him through a character development because throwing a therapist at him would result in a murder.

"I'm not saying I want reconciliation fics, but I just feel that if stans want JC to have a happy ending, then I think that he should actively work for it."

They do not think he has to work for it, they say his tragedy is enough, while heaping accusations against Wei Wuxian and saying his own are not enough to absolve him. Something Wei Wuxian has never denied and told all present they are allowed to forever hate him for what he had done in the past, but that they need to find a way to live in a life that is always moving on. He learned that grudges do nothing once they are absolved and it leaves you with hate with nothing else to do with it once that object is gone. In terms of reconciliation, I do not ever think that either want anything other than a distant peaceful out of each other's life set up. Jiang Cheng does not need Wei Wuxian in his life to be satisfied and never has since he used him as the handicap to hide behind to stay angry and miserable. Being without that fallback opens the world far more for him to change than him ever interacting like an old friend with Wei Wuxian ever again, if he ever had the guts to do that.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #jiang cheng #yeah I am using that tag block me if it upsets you #pokes this sorry for the length I tried #listen... only i am his trash queen

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luluwquidprocrow · 3 years

Text

echoing, echoing

ellington feint

teen

2,968 words

the only way out of town is by train.

unless you’re ellington feint.

ellington feint has a really hard time in a train station, the fic: featuring big trauma vibes/denial/identity issues

“That can’t have been the last bus,” Ellington insists, leaning forward. “It just—”

The short, round-faced man behind the station ticket counter smiles apologetically. “I’m sorry, miss,” he says in a hoarse whisper. “There seems to be a problem with the other engines, and they’re not up to—”

“They were fine earlier,” Ellington says. They were. She checks the buses in every town, frequently, throughout the day, and these buses had been fine.

“Well, buses, miss, they’re, they’re finicky things,” the man continues. He breathes through his smile as he talks, and Ellington’s hands clench together on top of the counter between them, twisting tight. “But, you know, I think they should be up and running by morning.”

Morning.

The smile slips off the man’s face. Sweat beads on his forehead, a terrible shine in the yellow overhead lights. “But, the train,” he tries, fumbling through the papers on his desk and pulling out a folded schedule, holding it out for her, “the train, that comes in in just an—”

“No, thank you.” Ellington pushes away from the counter, stalking the short length of the bus station. She has to get out of town, as soon as possible. She’s spent too long here as it is. Three years on her own has been more than enough to teach her that the less time she stays in one place, the better. A few days in some small nameless town with too much empty space is certainly enough. She isn’t going to stop now because some bus isn’t running. She’ll figure out something. Ellington always figures out something.

She makes her way behind the two little rows of metal benches and over to the coffee machine by the window, a shade drawn down against the night. She’s not hungry, she’s never hungry, but a cup of coffee would be nice. It always helps.

Ellington pushes the buttons with more force than she really needs, and the machine whirs and thuds in return. She takes a styrofoam cup from the stacks on the nearby table and slides it under the tap and watches the coffee drip impossibly slow into it. She tries to time her breathing to the drip so she can calm down. It only makes her start thinking again. The old thought comes back, a jagged, angry line shaking through her, her nails digging into her palms, her back teeth grinding. That boy took everything Ellington had, didn’t he, including her French press. She never got it off the train. But he didn’t take this. She still has this.

A reflection slides up and over the smooth surface of the coffee machine.

No, Ellington thinks. Not here.

The long, distorted figure creeps behind her, an impenetrable blur for a face. It gets simultaneously smaller and larger as it moves, disappearing and reappearing in bursts, cutting around the curve of the buttons and along the silver body of the machine.

Ellington whips around, her hair flying.

No one’s there.

The machine gives a harsh click. The coffee stops dripping.

For bus station coffee, it’s not terrible. Ellington’s tasted worse. She drinks it quickly, her back flat against the wall, her eyes on the ticket man as he shifts papers from one side of his desk to the other. She really can’t stay here. If he’s already found her—she doesn’t have much chance if she takes off on foot. She doesn’t know enough to hotwire a car. She could break into a shed and steal a bike, but how much faster is that than running? But she will not get on that train.

She takes the last sip and turns her head to look at the doorway she’s been avoiding. The bus station connects to the train station next door through a set of wooden double-doors on the wall across from the coffee machine. She’s not taking the train. But there has to be someplace to hide in there. There’s barely any space in the bus station, just the benches and the ticket window counter, the coffee machine and a utility closet. And if he’s been in here once, it’s only a matter of time before he shows up again. What’ll she do then? The ticket man certainly can’t do anything about him. He probably doesn’t even realize she’s still in the room. If she keeps moving, at least she can look. She can get somewhere else, if only for a moment. Keep going, she thinks. Keep going, Ellington. She can’t stand there forever.

She casts another look around the room. Then she throws away the cup and walks to the double-doors, nudging them open slowly.

It is bigger. The train station expands out in front of her, a high, domed room where the light must pour in during the day, quiet and alone now in the dark, barely illuminated by flickering little sconces on the tall wooden beams lining the walls. More seats, collecting in the space between her and the empty ticket counter on the far wall. If it wasn’t a train station, she thinks, maybe it would be nice. But it is, so it sets off a nervous ache under her skin, vibrating through her bones. Ellington grips the strap of her purse. At least, at least there are definitely more places to hide here. Just for that, she feels slightly more at ease.

Once, she’d caught a look at the man. It hadn’t been that long after she left Stain’d-by-the-Sea. He showed up in one town, then another, then another, not long after she would. Always a step behind her. The same tall figure, in his same dark hat and coat, with the same straightforward, calculated gait. He would be across the street at a payphone, behind a newspaper on the corner, a few seats behind her on a bus. That was when she saw him head-on, when he got on the bus after her.

She recognized him. He’d been on the train that night. So then she had to be two steps ahead of him.

It’s good, though, to have seen him that time, to know the face that’s after her. To know what he looks like, to have a solid image of him, to see a young but drawn face with a short beard, makes him more real and less of a mystery. Otherwise, from behind, sometimes she thinks he almost looks like—

Don’t, Ellington tells herself firmly. Her lips press together. That wasn’t him. She shakes her head and reminds herself. Her father in the kitchen at home in Killdeer Fields, making her breakfast with the morning sun at his back. Her father in the library across the street from their house, reading to her. Her father, alive and next to her, telling her a story about birds, his voice calm. Armstrong Feint. Nobody else. My father was a wonderful man.

She keeps close to the walls as she walks. One of the local maps framed between the beams catches her eye, and she draws near, moving her finger over the glass until she finds the name of the town. She’s a lot closer to the city than she thought. She hasn’t been traveling with any specific aim, just to get farther and farther from where she’d started, but Ellington figures that the city might be better than a million small towns. There’s a lot of things she can do there. It’s big enough for anyone to get lost in. She can disappear in there and get a job, find a place to live, she can be anybody. Or maybe she can be Ellington Feint there.

She takes a step back, her stomach seizing up into her lungs in an instant. No. Somehow that’s the last thing she wants to be. It’s so stupid, it’s her own name, it’s the person she is—Cleo Knight was easier, something in her says. Filene N. Gottlin was easier. Anyone was easier. She shakes her head again, trying to rattle the thoughts out. What she needs is to get out of this town, out of this train station. How long until morning? She should’ve bought a watch somewhere along the line. There has to be a clock in here somewhere. She tears her eyes from the wall and looks around through the gray shadows.

Creak.

Ellington stays rooted to the spot. She can’t see anyone else, but that doesn’t mean much, with all the darkness. The noise splits through the room a second time, a floorboard bowing from weight. She listens. She moves closer to the center of the room and out from any light cast from the sconces. Nothing. No sound at all. She holds her breath and doesn’t hear anyone else breathing. Not the whistle of the ticket man, not the heavy breathing of the man in the dark coat. Not a single thing.

But there, again. It sounds like it’s coming from the opposite corner, on the other side of the ticket counter. One footstep, and then another. Another. Another.

Ellington shoots across the station, towards a door at the back. She grabs the handle and pulls, but it sticks, stutters under her hand. The footsteps pick up. Please, she thinks, pushing her shoulder against the door.

It gives. Ellington falls inside and slams the door behind her. The handle can’t possibly deter him for long. She gropes through the dark, feeling for a light switch, and knocks against one by the door jamb. It’s another utility closet, cramped and close, barely stocked. She looks around—a mop, a stool, a little box of light bulbs, a door wedge. She snatches it up and jams it into the slit of space under the door. She’s not sure if it’s enough, but it’s going to have to be. At least for a while. But for now, there’s a door between her and the man in the coat. More than usual. That helps.

Ellington slides herself down to the floor between the box of light bulbs and the stool. She takes a long, deep breath. It’ll be fine. She’s safe in here. The man is out there, and she’s in here. She’s safe.

You’re safe, Ellington thinks. You’re safe, Ellington. She repeats it, and it echoes in her head until it almost starts to sound like someone else, distorted by memory. She frowns. She hears a rumble in the distance, low in the floor, the train pulling into the station. Someone else used to tell her that. Someone had taken her hand, said it softly in her ear, like—

You’re safe, Ellington. Her father had told her, a long time ago, when Ellington was six and scared of the shadows on her bedroom wall. He had smiled at her. In the darkness of a train, he turned around and smiled at her. He sat beside her on the edge of her bed and smiled at her. He pointed out the silhouettes, her sweater curled on her chair by her bed, her record player, in the corner of Handkerchief Heights, he pointed them out to her, picked them up and held them close in his arms like a child and turned to her and smiled at her. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

She was six and her father was smiling. She was thirteen and Hangfire was taking off his mask and he was smiling. She’s sixteen and trapped in the utility closet of a train station, hearing an engine roar, watching him turn and look at her.

It hits her in the chest, a hollow thud against her ribs, knocking everything off center. A delayed drop rippling through her. Armstrong Feint; Hangfire; her father.

You lied to me, Ellington thinks, her whole body shaking. That whole time, you lied to me.

Why would I lie to you, Ellington? Her father had asked. His face is in shadow, then and now. The train clatters in the distance. Ellington can’t breathe. You’re my daughter.

Ellington pushes the heels of her palms into her eyes. Stars burst in the black and turn into that sweater on the chair, Hangfire holding the Bombinating Beast statue, her bedroom, a smile that looked nothing like the one she remembered, the lines between them all blurring. “Stop,” she whispers, “stop, stop—”

Don’t be unreasonable, her father said gently.

I never forced her, Hangfire said.

Nothing can hurt you.

No one can force Ellington Feint to do anything.

Nothing will hurt you.

A human being is like any other animal. If it wants something enough, it will do anything at all.

She’s there too, splayed out on the floor of the train car, playing dead, doing anything and everything. She has to be dead now, that’s the only explanation for the roar getting louder in her head and all of this and to think of the two of them together as the same person, a father, a murderer, a human being, a monster, someone who knew her and had her under his thumb the whole entire time, hands around her throat, firing a poison dart right at her and knowing he could’ve landed the hit, he could’ve tossed her aside the second he didn’t need her anymore, what else would he have needed—

Hangfire could’ve killed me. He could’ve killed me for real. The Armstrong Feint in her memory frowns. The Hangfire burned behind her eyes flickers in and out of sight, behind flashing lights in a train car, his back turned away from her. He can’t even look at her. He didn’t even look at her, the second he had his hands on that statue. Would you have killed me?

I didn’t want to kill her, you know, Hangfire had said on that train.

But you were lying to him, Ellington thinks. We were lying to him. Were you lying to me?

What kind of father would do that? What sort of daughter was she to do that? When would it have ended? What would he have asked her to do, how much more would she have done? She’s terrible; she’s sick; she’s twisted—she is a Feint, through and through, and she will wind up just like him—

Maybe there are more important things. That boy’s voice cuts through everything, like it always did, and the anger bursts inside her, fear and disgust and hate boiling—

It’s all I have, she’d said. Even now, it’s true, isn’t it? She isn’t capable of anything else—

“No!”

Something shatters against the wall. All the noise stops. Ellington looks up, blinking, her right hand on the floor. Shards glint dully at her feet. She must’ve grabbed a light bulb from the box nearby and thrown it.

She breaths carefully, letting the sound fill up the space of the closet, until her fingertips start to tingle and she feels lightheaded, so Ellington pushes her back against the wall and closes her eyes. She curls her hands together. Okay. Okay, okay. It’s not okay. But she doesn’t know what else to do. If she starts crying now, she’s never going to stop, and she can’t.

She thinks of black turtlenecks. Jazz music. Coffee. Cats. Saxophones. Short nights. Cold, brisk mornings. No masks. No lies from anyone. Worlds without trains.

Ellington jerks awake to the handle on the door turning. Immediately alert, she shoves back against the wall, but when the door opens, that short ticket man stands there, looking mildly perplexed. He smiles, gives the handle a little jiggle and points at it.

“Been meaning to fix that,” he says apologetically, his voice still whisper-thin and high. Ellington’s almost relieved to hear it now.

“What time is it?” she asks.

“Just past ten,” he says. “The bus, if you wanted to catch it, it leaves in about twenty minutes—I’ll, I’ll go get a ticket for you—”

Ellington stands up. “Thank you.”

Back in the bus station, he presses a small ticket into the palm of her hand, and smiles one last time. Ellington tries to manage one back, but he’s already turned towards his desk.

Barely anyone stands on the concrete square strip outside the station. A couple, an old woman, a kid in a hat watching the road with his back to her. The man in the coat is nowhere to be seen, for now. She rubs her thumb over her ticket. She’ll go to the city, and, figure something out. She always figures something out. She’ll—she’ll figure something out.

A flash of brown catches her eye, someone moving quickly along the platform. Ellington turns out of habit to look.

The whole world slows to a stop around her. She feels each breath like inhaling water, dragging heavy through her lungs. That kid, that boy, older now, almost her height, walking off the concrete, a thin, fraying brown jacket draped over his arm. He pulls his hat down low over his eyes, a too-familiar gesture.

Ellington runs.

She pushes someone out of the way, careening over the platform, her heart pounding in her chest, her hands, her ears. He’s here. He’s here and Ellington is going to grab him. She darts after him, a blur moving faster and faster, over the grass, beyond the station building. Lemony Snicket. She’s going to shake the answers out of him, she’s going to kill him. Lemony Snicket, dead. Lemony Snicket, swallowed whole. Lemony Snicket, snapped up by a narrow, endless jaw, too many teeth, so many bones, what he deserves—she’s so close—his jacket flickers in front of her—

Through and through.

She stops, just for a moment—she stumbles against the wall—a noise catches in her throat and she keeps going—no, something, anything else, anything—she keeps going—she rounds the corner of the station—

She’s alone.

#asoue #a series of unfortunate events #ellington feint #armstrong feint #hangfire #TWO DAYS LATE BUT! BETTER THAN MY USUAL TIMING

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patchesthegothictramp · 4 years

Text

Part two of my P5R review: Maruki

Let me start this by saying that I honestly really enjoy him as a villain. I really like the idea of villains who aren’t completely, clearly evil like Shido is. That being said, I think I disagree with a majority of people who think he’s good. First of all, while he does give therapy… or something similar to it, I’ll get back to that, it is very much self-serving. It’s made clear in his confidant that he’s mostly interested in his cognitive pscience research and since we know he has a persona before coming to Shujin, we can assume he only really took up the position of therapist to find out more about what exactly happened to Kamoshida.

About the therapist part, he’s a terrible one. And it’s not surprising since once again, he’s there to further his research and help these kids with the power of changing cognition, not therapy. I say this as someone who has studied the subject; he breaks a lot of ‘rules’ (I’m not speaking about written rules here, just things you shouldn’t do when you’re acting as a therapist).

First there’s Ren, who he himself points out doesn’t speak much but never follows up on that. Royal makes it painfully clear just how traumatised Ren is. We already know he has some memory loss of the incident because he doesn’t recognise Shido even when he’s standing right in front of him which is already a huge red flag that he is Not Okay, but there’s even small things like his hands shaking when he has to sign his name just to rent out a DVD. The fact that so many people point out how quiet Ren is, is telling too- he’s not just a silent protagonist, he’s traumatised because the last time he spoke up against something in the real world it landed him in jail. He puts on fake glasses to hide away from society as later confirmed by Ryuji and Akechi on separate occasions.

Yet… instead of helping Ren speak about his issues, about the possible abuse he may have gotten from Kamoshida since Maruki knew he got involved in that case, he immediately just talks about his own research, and his own problems. That’s a huge no-no for a therapist- you NEVER discuss your own issues; you do not put that burden on your patients but here’s Maruki doing just that with Ren. You could argue he’s also a bad therapist because of his whole plan of escapism as reality. Instead of helping patients move on from their grief or other issues, he reinforces them for the sake of their happiness. The job of therapy isn’t to make you happy, or at least, it’s meant to help you get to a place where you can deal with issues on your own which is the opposite of what Maruki is trying to do.

All in all that doesn’t make him a bad person, being bad at your job isn’t inherently evil, it just means you should probably pursue a different career path which is fine for him since he’s mostly a researcher anyway. The reason why I think he isn’t a completely good person either is because of what he ends up doing. A lot of people seem to think his intention of making everyone happy means his intentions are good so he’s a good person… but he’s doing this at the cost of free will, and also he starts of doing this for selfish reasons.

He wants to originally make it possible so that you can stop criminals from committing crimes by essentially controlling their thoughts, because of the trauma his fiancé suffered… but that kind of technology sounds fucking terrifying. Sure, he’s thinking of it as a ‘stopping a person from murdering people’ but could you imagine that kind of technology in the hands of someone like Shido? ‘Crimes’ wouldn’t just be something as cut and dry as murder, he could consider dissent against him as a crime and make people do as he wants… which in the end Maruki does to Ren. When you don’t complete his palace in time, Maruki doesn’t just let Ren live out his life in happiness, he knows Ren still opposes him so he makes him live in his own nightmare- becoming completely lethargic and never leaving his room, never interacting with anyone and just sleeping away his days. We only know he does this to Ren, who’s to say he won’t do this to other people? Or worse?

Throughout Maruki’s palace we see just how little he cares about free will. In his assessments in the palace, people are assessed to determine how to make them happy, and one wrong answer that points to them being unhappy is the idea that pursuing your dream, even if it’s not working out, is bad. Maruki doesn’t believe in working hard towards your dream, only in doing what makes you happy. In his world, society would stagnate because there would be no reason to improve in his view, and improvement takes mistakes, trial and error, which lead to unhappiness. Except even if you’re fine with that… Maruki isn’t an omnipotent god. He can’t stop floods, global warming, earthquakes and generally natural disasters, only people’s feelings about them. But in his world no one would work to possible find solutions to help with that cos again, that means working on things you might fail at.

Playing through it, it took me a little more time to realise just why Akechi was so horrified by this world. I assume then he immediately realised the consequences I listed off, because yeah, a world where you can only do what someone else dictates makes you happy is horrifying. Maruki just isn’t a good guy. He’s not evil like Shido, but it is a different kind of evil, even when he’s got some good intentions. We’re just used to seeing something so obviously evil like Shido or Kamoshida but I still believe this is a different kind of evil. The second he thinks he can play god like that is the moment I realised he just can’t be listed off as a good guy the same way the Phantom Thieves are. It’s the reason why they oppose him in the first place, to the point that even Akechi, someone who used to have no interest in anything but beating Shido (and to an extent, having a rivalry with Ren) is the advocate for reason within this world and beating what he considers to be a bigger threat to them then Shido ever was.

That being said, Maruki does serve as an excellent villain to the Thieves. He’s not an outright criminal because there aren’t exactly laws in place saying you can’t become a god, he’s close to all of them because he was the guy they went to to speak about their greatest concerns making it that much harder to fight him. On top of that, he doesn’t hate the Thieves, he’s not opposed to them personally, and if anything is quite supportive of their actions, to the point that he himself wants Ren to see the world he’s created and lets them roam his palace without trying to personally stop them (The shadows do try to fight you still yeah but in this sense Maruki’s conflicted, he wants them to realise by themselves that his world is better but also doesn’t want them to stop his plans either).

Moreover he fits the themes of persona 5 so well and as another counterpoint- he too rebelled against society and awakened to his persona but it only led to him wishing to impose a different kind of oppressive rule that took away people’s free will.

As a character too, I love him, I think he’s a really, really good and interesting character and I honestly can’t wait to play NG+ and look at all of the stuff he says to you in detail because I honestly think he’s a great villain for the Thieves to fight in term 3.

#patches plays p5r #p5r spoilers #persona 5 royal #persona 5 #takuto maruki #p5r #akira kurusu #ren amamiya #joker

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queenypew · 4 years

Text

Happy 4th Anniv Yav! (◕‿◕)♡

October 29, 2020

Hi baby!

I made this for you. My message this time will be a bit lengthy kasi mag tthrowback ako sa about satin from the beginning hahahaha like how we started and the things I felt about you since day one. Hehehe. Grabe four years na tayo parang kahapon lng na meet kita HAHAHA srsly i will never forget how and when we met. Because i really cherish those times with you.

Oh yes, Lovebeat, ang punot dulo ng lahat. The dating game. Hahahaha. At first i really didnt expect anything when I joined the game, not even finding a BF. But I did searched for some company and made friends. I think I met you several times in the game pero hindi lng ako nag mind kasi syempre strangers really dont matter to me, tas nakiki AFK lng ako kahit sang room hahahahaha. Even when I knew as a friend from a friend, parang wala lng hahahaha. So ayun nga, I think what really caught me was when you helped me back then, don sa parang ewan na stalker na manyakis na manliligaw ko dati sa lovebeat HAHAHA and i really appreciated that help from you. Tas after non lagi na tayo nagkakausap and I was there for you whenever you needed someone to listen sa mga probs mo. I was a bit conscious to feel anything about you kasi nga online lng but I knew you were sincere and kind. May pagka pabebe ka lng tlga dati hahahaha pero tanggap ko yun.

I think nagka interest na ako lalo sayo, especially we keep spending our nights chatting. So ayun nga at that time, wla akong ibang inask or be someone to you, amidst sa mga nangyare dati, I just wanted you to be happy. Nalulungkot ako sobra that time whenever nagsshare ka sa probs mo tas lagi ko iniisip na sana maging okay at happy ka na. Na di mo deserve yung mga yun kasi nga mabait ka. I really wanted to be there for you, and I was thinking that maybe if I keep staying beside you, you’ll be fine, you’ll be okay, kasi alam ko gaano mo tiniis ung nangyare dati. Ayun lng nasa isip ko. Hahahaha. TBH di ko tlga akalain magkaka develop tayo ng feelings sa isa’t isa. Tas ung nag confess ka na sakin (not sure if u still remember but) I accepted your feelings. At first akala ko sympathy lng tlga na feel ko sayo but it wasnt, iba eh alam kong iba. So I gave us a chance. We didnt really started na goody2 ung relationship, it was bad actually. Hahahaha. Ang daming issues nangyare but then nagslowdown ung phase natin to “Tayong Dalawa” nlng, and we started to isolate from those negative stuff tas naging stable tayo halfway.

Dumating yung time na nagsarili na tayong dalawa, we focused sa IRL interactions than playing tas minsan nlng naglalaro. Pag naglalaro tayo, we only have each other. I thought ako lng nkakaisip na good thing yun para saten but you also thought the same. We both had similarities and likes but we also have differences and despite having all that, we try to grow and help each other.

Ang napa bilib ako tlga sayo is you’re very CONSISTENT. Umaga tanghali hapon gabi, natawag ka sakin. Nangungumusta ka, kung kumain na ba ako, naligo etc. Kahit nsa school ako natawag ka pa din sakin. And even until now ganon ka pa din gosh HAHAHAHA ikaw na tlga! I really love that about you. You never missed anything. It warms my heart everytime I think about it until now. Kinikilig pa rin tlga ako sayo simula noon gang ngayon.

Of course, because we love playing, we play games together (until now) and kahit tayo lng dalawa na eenjoy ko sobra ung paglalaro. Hehehe. Playing games with you was our other world. It didnt matter to me if we meet new friends or kahit wla mn okay lng din because I got you. Ganon na feeling. I never get tired when it comes to you. I’m always up to anything bsta makasama lng kita, makausap kahit sa game lng. Playing together was and will always be our quality time.

UNTIL WE MET IN PERSON--

Pinaka malaking dagok sa buhay natin HAHAHAHAHAHA.

I was really nervous to meet you in person, tas di tlga ako makapaniwala you will be coming for me. It was an unexpected event for the both us, for what will happen to us next. Because really di ako nag expect aabot tayo sa ganon na point. Agad. I was really fine with us communicatind within the distance and kahit LDR tayo you made me feel like you were near so I really didnt gave a thought about what having you near me literally. But also alam ko gusto din tlga kita makasama and when I saw you, I was really really happy! Naging awkward ako sayo at first but you took it away.

TBH the first months were hard for us. Ups & downs tlga tayo, and adjustments. It was really hard because everythign was new to me and to you as well. It was STRESSFUL. I get mad a lot, nagtthrow ako ng tantraums at you and we just fought terribly for small things. Well I knew it was me tlga who’s always at it. It amazed me how can you handle these things about me. You really stayed for me, no matter how many times I get mad, you stayed for me until the end. Grabe tlga ung patience mo. As-in grabe (gif presentation for the bravest mark you did)

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

But after that phase, it slowly changed us, it changed me especially. I cherished our relationship even more. Tas ni leless ko na din pagigng matigasin na ulo ko. I’m really grateful that you still accepted me despite sa mga nangyare satin yav. I’m really happy you stayed for me. I knew I had to be better not just for us but for myself (like you always said).

You’ve been there for me literally for better and worse, and grabe how lucky I am to have someone like you yav. All around ka tlga. You did your best around my family (si mama at mga kapatid ko di na nga ako kinakampihan kapag may away tayo kasi alam nila ako yung palaaway HAHAHAHA kainis). You did your best supporting me (by any means), emotionally, mentally at kung anong *tally pa yan. At sa mga times na I keep giving up on myself, you never gave up on me. Seriously. Naiiyak talaga ako sa mga times na yun pag naaalala ko and you were just there hugging me making me feel better.

Thank you so much baby. We’ve been through a lot. Like a lot talaga. Hindi enough ung mga to para mapa feel ko sayo how much everything and you mean to me. I’m beyond blessed to have you. Really. You’re too much for me. But you’re the kind of much I wanna take in talaga.

Thank you baby for eveything you’ve done so far for me. And sorry dahil napaka palaaway ko sobra. T_T Sorry talaga sa mga times na naging maldita ako sayo. And I hope we continue growing together positively. I hope ikaw na talaga kasi ikaw tlaga yung gusto ko maging partner now and in the future. I really love you yav! Unconditionally and faithfully. I really love you so much.

Happy Anniversary to us baby! To more years, away (hahahahahaa) and love to come!

Love (your one and only yav na dyosa),

Queenie Angel

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE ARTS USED. IT BELONGS TO HJ-STORY. THANK YOU SO MUCH <3

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hetyra · 4 years

Text

So I’ve been concocting a NG+/time travel P5 story idea where both Akira and Goro remember the original timeline in my head for like the past week, and since I’m terrible about finishing multi-chapter fics I’m just gonna ramble about it in a very long post instead lol

The reset doesn’t apply equally to them.

Akira goes to sleep one night weeks or months after the events of the game and wakes up after what feels like only minutes later on the train bound for Shibuya just like he does at the beginning of the game.

Goro on the other hand goes from exchanging bullets with the cognitive version of himself in Shido’s palace to waking up in bed in the blink of an eye. It takes a few minutes, but he realizes he’s 14 again and it’s the first day of his last year of middle school – which is also the day the meta-nav appeared on his phone.

He winds up not using the app at all. Nor does he approach Shido and offer his “services”. He’s extremely shaken up by all the memories or dreams or whatever the hell they are. He decides he doesn’t care, but he’d rather avoid becoming that kind of person and meeting that fate.

By pure happenstance, he eventually ends up meeting Wakaba. Feeling guilt for being the original cause of her death, Goro feels the want to help her this time around and ends up expressing an interest in cognitive psience (which isn’t a total lie) that results in them making a sort of confidant deal.

Through Wakaba he also meets and gets to know both Sojiro and Futaba.

Realizing that his lack of involvement with Shido could have potentially prevented Akira’s original arrest, Goro chooses to attend Shujin for high school; intent on forming the PTs himself if need be.

It’s right around this time that Sojiro suddenly offers to adopt him.

He starts attending high school as Sakura Goro, and everything is going great. Until it’s not.

Wakaba dies. In the same exact manner as when he had been the one behind it.

Up to this point in time, Goro occasionally had PTSD symptoms when things reminding him of his actions in the previous timeline came up. Wakaba’s death affects him terribly, and all his symptoms get worse from there on out.

Sojiro moves them out to Yongen and eventually gets custody of Futaba, and Goro not wanting to deal with or think about what’s going on or what happened before, instead focusses on preventing Futaba from developing a palace. He succeeds.

Around this time, Sojiro starts worrying a lot about Goro. He knows he’s been… off ever since Wakaba’s death. Even now it seems like her death is weighing heavier on him than it is Futaba.

Right about the time Futaba passes her entrance exams to get into Shujin, Sojiro is asked to take in Akira for his probation. Goro, who was helping out at Leblanc at the time of the conversation, practically bullies Sojiro into accepting.

Back to Akira now.

His arrival in Tokyo goes exactly as it did before. The next day goes much the same, up until they’re in the car on their way back to Leblanc. For the hell of it, Akira asks Sojiro again why he took him in. Sojiro’s answer is the same, except instead of saying “I was already paid for it too.” He says “My son was rather insistent I do, too.”

Akira in shock and confusion asks “Son?” to which Sojiro explains: “Oh right. I have two kids; adopted both of them and they happen to go to Shujin too. My son, Goro, is a 3rd year while my daughter, Futaba, is a 1st year. Hopefully they’ll be a good influence on you instead of the other way around.”

Cue Akira’s brain short-circuiting at the mention of Goro.

Upon arriving back at Leblanc, Futaba and Goro are there waiting for them. Futaba wastes no time commenting on how Akira doesn’t look all that tough while Goro is standing behind the counter making everyone coffee – and wearing jeans and a hoodie to Akira’s continued shock.

Sojiro doesn’t let them talk long after he feeds them, saying they should all go to bed since they have school in the morning. Futaba leaves fairly quickly but Sojiro stops Goro to ask if he’s alright, having noted the bags under his eyes. When Goro says it’s nothing to worry about and leaves, Sojiro sighs and mumbles just loud enough for Akira to hear “Is it because there was another subway accident?”

That night, Akira’s dreams put him in the velvet room. He’s happy to see Lavenza and the real Igor but surprised when he hears Goro in the cell next to his.

Lavenza explains who she and Igor are to Goro and that despite their collective freedom from Yaldabitch, he does in fact still exist in this timeline and must be dealt with. Akira helps fill in Goro on how they dealt with him before but that’s all they have time to discuss before they’re being woken up by their respective alarm clocks.

Futaba goes to school ahead of them with the excuse that she doesn’t want to be seen with her dorky older brother and the guy with a criminal record, giving the two of them time to talk.

Akira is quick to demand answers regarding the mental shutdowns and psychotic breakdowns, which elicits a rather desperate denial out of Goro. He insists it’s not him causing them and he doesn’t know who is, and Akira realizes quickly that Goro isn’t lying and is legitimately anxious about it.

The knowledge that someone else seems to have entered the “game” makes Akira uneasy, but assures Goro that things will be fine. They’ll stop whoever it is, Shido, and Yaldabitch. But first they need the Phantom Thieves.

This is when Goro admits he has yet to use the nav, despite having had it for 3 years at this point. Before Akira can comment on that, they exit the station to the rain and he instead opens the app and maneuvers them both so that they encounter Ann, Kamoshida, and Ryuji.

When they arrive at the castle instead of the school, Goro levels a look at him but simply sighs and goes with it when Akira tells him to trust him.

Everything goes the same as before, awakening and all, even with Goro there. That is up until Morgana just walks up to them. He’s not in a cell.

It turns out Morgana also remembers everything and it takes some improv acting on both Morgana and Goro’s parts to cover for Akira’s stupidity when Ryuji asks “Wait, you know this monster-cat?!”

When they get home that night, Goro tries to take the blame for them being late but Sojiro doesn’t bite – turning to Akira and telling him that his son is a good kid and he won’t have Akira influencing him into bad behavior. Sojiro isn’t quite as angry a few minutes later when he comes upstairs to find Morgana chilling on Akira’s bed.

Goro asks Akira the next morning to text him when Ryuji asks to go back to the palace, to which Akira agrees with the full intention on not doing that.

The day of the volleyball rally, Akira is on his way to the next abuse victim he needs to question when he‘s suddenly yanked around a corner by a very miffed looking Goro. Akira apologizes and explains why he left him out, receives a grumpy “Ok, I forgive you” and continues on his mission.

Akira again does not tell Goro they’re going into the palace the day Ann follows them in and awakens to her own persona, despite Ryuji and Morgana both telling him he should.

It’s later when they’re exchanging their contact info with Ann that Goro appears looking very pissed off at certain someone. After that, the group chat is established with Goro in it so he will in fact know when they’re going to the palace.

Goro sticks to back up and surveillance due to still not having awakened to his persona yet, but throughout their infiltration he notes Joker’s watchful eye on him and the constant reminders to stay safe.

Come the gym-turned-church Goro decides he’s had enough of the other tricksters incessant worrying over him. The two of them start to argue, Akira never quite saying it’s because he doesn’t want to witness Goro die again, when the angel shadow appears and interrupts them. Akira quickly turns his attention to it and tells Goro to get to a safe distance, which cause the latter to yell back angrily.

Cue Loki’s voice and Goro ripping off a mask.

Goro’s has a new outfit, though it’s sort of a mix between his two previous outfits and Jokers

He discovers he still has Robin Hood as well.

And that’s about as far as I’ve figured out.

I haven’t decided whether the events of the new semester in Royal happened in the original timeline, but I really want to stick with the “from being shot to waking up in bed” thing so if they did I’m rolling with Goro’s memory of the events feeling disjointed and out of place.

There’s one scene I actually animated (because I was bored and in the mood to animate) that takes place later, when they go to the airsoft shop for the first time. Ryuji tells Akira about the shop over the phone, and Akira doesn’t tell Goro what they’re doing, only to meet up with them in Shibuya and that it was important. Akira thought it’d be funny if Ryuji were to ask Goro if he knew anything about guns with absolutely no context – and he does indeed finds Goro’s “overreaction” quite funny. At this point, Akira still isn’t aware that Goro actually has PTSD because of the events in the original timeline, and so thinks it’s just a funny inside joke. Goro’s anxiety meanwhile is through the fucking roof.

Here’s a link to the video of the scene.

#fic idea I will never write #feel free to steal I would 100% read it #p5 #persona 5 #Futaba and Goro aren't half siblings in this but they are adoptive siblings #NG+ story #Things Ai Made

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royaltealovingkookiness · 5 years

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I sometimes wonder if T0ph was made the parent she was so that A@ng could look better in comparison? Like they were taken by surprise how badly he was received (not weird at all considering how neglectful he had to have been to have his middle aged children still be weighed down by it nearly two decades after his death) so they had T0ph be really terrible to her children, well, L!n- what's worse is that the fandom seemed to really eat this up, making jokes and jokey art at the expense of L!n.

I wasn’t keen on the “bad parents screw up their kids life” storylines in LoK. Just like writing love triangles to add thrill, making everyone’s personal conflict about their childhood is lazy storytelling. Salt under the cut.

I think that with the portayal of parenting, they were somehow trying to take the characters to their logical conclusions. Zuko parents out of his trauma, trying to be everything Ozai was not for him, and just generally being 100% dedicated to his daughter and his family. (This is the only choice that rings true to me).

With Aang they continue with his pattern of avoidance and running away from his problems. I think in his very special situation it’s entirely possible for him to love his children as a father, and be somewhere deep down disappointed that they are not airbenders, but never being able to confront, or even admit that disappointment and work through it, so he can let it go and appreciate his children for what they are, rather than try to hide his feelings about what they are not. Which could be a reason why he never bothered to teach them Air Nomad heritage.

But this story ignores a lot of things. It ignores entirely Aang’s growth (ok, fine they screwed it up in B3, but Aang did grow a lot in B1-2), and how he became more well-rounded as he learnt the elements. Because he’s not only an airbender now, he’s a waterbender, an earthbender, a firebender - he has all those other mentalities inside him. It also ignores Aang being close friends with Sokka, a non-bender and Zuko, whose life was screwed up because of parental disappointment. So Aang knows exactly how children are affected by this type of behaviour and if he forgot, I’m sure Zuko and Sokka wouldn’t hesitate to call him out on it. And most of all, it ignores Katara. Family-centric, emotionally intelligent, let’s-talk-our-conflicts-through Katara, who would not sit back and be a passive spectator in all this. At least not show-Katara. Comics!Katara is an entirely different person who exists only to give endless approval and kisses to Aang.

I suspect with Toph they had this visual of making her the old, tough swamp-lady, who is becoming one with her element, as stubborn as ever - because earth doesn’t change. But they never thought through how they were going to get her there.

I think it does make sense for Toph to swing wildly over to the other side from the controlling behaviour of her parents to go to a complete hands-off, free-range parenting, thinking that this is good for the kids. But I hate how much Toph was screwed over by the narrative of making her the “no guy sticks around single mom”, denying her of meaningful love. This is especially offensive, not only because Toph is a disabled character, and one whose not-quite-ultra-feminine appearance was pointed out over and over (blind tomboys get no love), but also since post-ATLA, Toph is the only female character with an actual career (so strong working moms get no love either). And just to make things even worse, they repeat the same narrative choice with Tenzin, who chooses stay-at-home-mum Pema in a bland marriage over Chief-of-police Lin, with whom he has great chemistry (no, badass women end up alone; make your choice girls)

Like with Aang, in Toph’s story they ignore again that she’s more than just a stubborn, I-don’t-need-anyone earthbender. They ignore that she grows and she changes. Her entire arc in ATLA is breaking out of her isolation - both the parent-inflicted and also the self-built walls - making friends and realizing how important it is and good it is to be able to rely on someone. She learns to appreciate skillsets other than straight-up fighting, like Sokka’s wit and Katara’s kindness. And she walks through fire with bare feet for those friends.

But sure, why not? Neglectful swamp-lady. Oh, Bryke.

#lok critical #anti-bryke #LoK salt #aang #toph #saltbending

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mr-shagwell43 · 3 years

Text

short story

Year:‌ ‌1989‌ ‌

Patient‌ ‌Name:‌ ‌Chelsea,‌ ‌dawn,‌ ‌carter‌ ‌ ‌

Patient‌ ‌age:‌ ‌17‌ ‌

It‌ ‌was‌ ‌nearing‌ ‌the‌ ‌end‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌year‌ ‌1988‌ ‌and‌ ‌I‌ ‌still‌ ‌haven't‌ ‌done‌ ‌it,‌ ‌I've‌ ‌been‌ ‌thinking‌ ‌and‌ ‌

thinking‌ ‌about‌ ‌how‌ ‌to‌ ‌do‌ ‌it.‌ ‌Sometimes‌ ‌I‌ ‌think‌ ‌a‌ ‌little‌ ‌too‌ ‌much.‌ ‌It's‌ ‌almost‌ ‌like‌ ‌the‌ ‌thought‌ ‌is‌ ‌too‌ much‌ ‌for‌ ‌me‌ ‌to‌ ‌handle.‌ ‌I‌ ‌don't‌ ‌even‌ ‌know‌ ‌if‌ ‌she'll‌ ‌still‌ ‌be‌ ‌my‌ ‌friend.‌ ‌Her‌ ‌name‌ ‌is‌ ‌Victoria‌ ‌Chase,‌ ‌she's‌ ‌the‌ ‌most‌ ‌beautiful‌ ‌girl‌ ‌I've‌ ‌ever‌ ‌seen.‌ ‌She's‌ ‌smart,‌ ‌funny,‌ ‌kind‌ ‌and‌ ‌overall‌ ‌a‌ ‌really‌ ‌good‌ ‌

person.‌ ‌Most‌ ‌people‌ ‌think‌ ‌that‌ ‌she'd‌ ‌never‌ ‌love‌ ‌me‌ ‌back‌ ‌but‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌still‌ ‌going‌ ‌to‌ ‌try. I‌ ‌couldn't‌ ‌sleep,‌ ‌I'm‌ ‌thinking‌ ‌of‌ ‌her‌ ‌too‌ ‌much,‌ ‌it's‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌point‌ ‌where‌ ‌it's‌ ‌unhealthy‌ ‌to‌ ‌even‌ ‌

think‌ ‌of‌ ‌her.‌ ‌I‌ ‌have‌ ‌to‌ ‌find‌ ‌a‌ ‌way‌ ‌to‌ ‌tell‌ ‌her‌ ‌but‌ ‌how.‌

‌I‌ ‌got‌ ‌ready,‌ ‌put‌ ‌my‌ ‌jacket‌ ‌on‌ ‌, and‌ ‌headed‌ ‌to‌ the‌ ‌door.‌ ‌As‌ ‌I‌ ‌make‌ ‌my‌ ‌way‌ ‌outside‌ ‌I‌ ‌notice‌ ‌something‌ ‌shining,‌ ‌a‌ ‌piece‌ ‌of‌ ‌glass.‌ ‌I‌ ‌always‌ ‌love‌ ‌living‌ ‌in‌ ‌Big‌ ‌Bear,‌ ‌and‌ ‌when‌ ‌it‌ ‌snows,‌ ‌It‌ ‌gives‌ ‌me‌ ‌some‌ ‌sort‌ ‌of‌ ‌security.‌ ‌I‌ ‌got‌ ‌in‌ ‌my‌ ‌car‌ ‌and‌ ‌started‌ ‌the‌ ‌engine.‌ ‌I‌ ‌don't‌ ‌know‌ ‌why‌ ‌but‌ ‌this‌ ‌whole‌ ‌morning‌ ‌I've‌ ‌been‌ ‌reminded‌ ‌of‌ ‌my‌ ‌surroundings,‌ ‌maybe‌ ‌today‌ ‌is‌ ‌the‌ ‌day‌ ‌I‌ ‌do‌ ‌it,‌ ‌maybe.‌ On‌ ‌my‌ ‌drive‌ ‌to‌ ‌school,‌ ‌I‌ ‌notice‌ ‌so‌ ‌many‌ ‌things.‌ ‌the‌ ‌way‌ ‌the‌ ‌trees‌ ‌move,‌ ‌how‌ ‌the‌ ‌snow‌ ‌slowly‌ ‌makes‌ ‌its‌ ‌way‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌ground‌ ‌and‌ ‌rooftops‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌houses,‌ ‌It's‌ ‌beautiful.‌ ‌As‌ ‌I‌ ‌pull‌ ‌up‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌the school‌ ‌I‌ ‌take‌ ‌a‌ ‌moment‌ ‌to‌ ‌breathe‌ ‌in….‌ ‌And‌ ‌out,‌ ‌I‌ ‌sat‌ ‌in‌ ‌that‌ ‌car‌ ‌for‌ ‌what‌ ‌feels‌ ‌like‌ ‌hours.‌ ‌I‌ ‌am‌ ‌struggling‌ ‌to‌ ‌open‌ ‌the‌ ‌door,‌ ‌it’s‌ ‌like‌ ‌I’m‌ ‌scared‌ ‌and‌ ‌don’t‌ ‌know‌ ‌what‌ ‌to‌ ‌do.‌ ‌

When‌ ‌I‌ ‌finally‌ ‌muster‌ ‌up‌ ‌enough‌ ‌strength‌ ‌to‌ ‌open‌ ‌the‌ ‌door‌ ‌it’s‌ ‌like‌ ‌I’m‌ ‌starting‌ ‌something‌ ‌like‌ ‌I‌ ‌just‌ ‌broke‌ ‌a‌ ‌barrier.‌ ‌‌I‌ ‌never‌ ‌really‌ ‌liked‌ ‌Big‌ ‌Bear‌ ‌High‌ ‌School.‌ ‌I‌ ‌had‌ ‌a‌ ‌lot‌ ‌of‌ ‌bad‌ ‌memories‌ ‌¨‌ ‌Guess‌ ‌who.¨‌ ‌I‌ ‌turned‌ ‌around‌ ‌thankfully‌ ‌just‌ ‌to‌ ‌see‌ ‌my‌ ‌friend‌ ‌Nicole.‌ ‌¨Hey‌ ‌what's‌ ‌up.¨‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌glad‌ ‌to‌ ‌see‌ ‌her‌ ‌she‌ ‌was‌ ‌always‌ ‌a‌ ‌good‌ ‌friend‌ ‌¨Nothing‌ ‌just‌ ‌waiting‌ ‌for‌ ‌you,‌ ‌so‌ ‌is‌ ‌today‌ ‌the‌ ‌day?¨‌ ‌I‌ ‌took‌ ‌a‌ ‌deep‌ ‌breath‌ ‌¨I’m‌ ‌not‌ ‌sure‌ ‌but‌ ‌today‌ ‌feels‌ ‌good.¨‌ ‌¨‌ ‌Hey,‌ ‌365‌ ‌times‌ ‌the‌ ‌charm.¨‌ ‌When‌ ‌I‌ ‌walk‌ ‌into‌ ‌class‌ ‌I‌ ‌can‌ ‌see‌ ‌her,‌ ‌Victoria.‌ ‌I‌ ‌know‌ ‌this‌ ‌is‌ ‌just‌ ‌going‌ ‌to‌ ‌be‌ ‌another‌ ‌long‌ ‌day.‌

‌“Excuse‌ ‌Me,¨‌ ‌I‌ ‌turn‌ ‌around‌ ‌to‌ ‌see‌ ‌Victoria‌ ‌trying‌ ‌to‌ ‌get‌ ‌the‌ ‌teacher's‌ ‌attention.‌ ‌¨I‌ ‌just‌ ‌wanted‌ ‌to‌ ‌say‌ ‌that‌ ‌I'm‌ ‌going‌ ‌to‌ ‌be‌ ‌moving‌ ‌soon.¨‌ ‌My‌ ‌heart‌ ‌stops.‌ ‌¨‌ ‌Where‌ ‌will‌ ‌you‌ ‌be‌ ‌going?‌ ‌¨Washington‌ ‌state.¨‌ ‌Washington,‌ ‌no‌ ‌she‌ ‌can't‌ ‌be.‌ ‌¨When‌ ‌are‌ ‌you‌ ‌leaving?¨‌ ‌¨‌ ‌Tomorrow‌ ‌morning,‌ ‌so‌ ‌this‌ ‌is‌ ‌my‌ ‌last‌ ‌day¨‌ ‌No‌ ‌if‌ ‌she‌ ‌leaves‌ ‌then‌ ‌I‌ ‌won't‌ ‌be‌ ‌able‌ ‌to‌ ‌tell‌ ‌her.‌ ‌I‌ ‌have‌ ‌to‌ ‌wait‌ ‌for‌ ‌the‌ ‌end‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌day.‌ ‌I‌ ‌wait‌ ‌for‌ ‌hours,‌ ‌class‌ ‌by‌ ‌class‌ ‌until‌ ‌the‌ ‌time‌ ‌finally‌ ‌comes.‌ ‌The‌ ‌end‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌day‌ ‌is‌ ‌here,‌ ‌I‌ ‌follow‌ ‌her‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌buses‌ ‌and‌ ‌tap‌ ‌on‌ ‌her‌ ‌shoulder.‌ ‌¨Oh‌ ‌hey,‌ ‌Chelsea‌ ‌came‌ ‌to‌ ‌say‌ ‌goodbye.¨‌ ‌I‌ ‌took‌ ‌a‌ ‌deep‌ ‌breath.‌ ‌¨‌ ‌Actually‌ ‌I‌ ‌came‌ ‌to‌ ‌tell‌ ‌you‌ ‌something‌ ‌before‌ ‌you‌ ‌left¨‌ ‌my‌ ‌heart‌ ‌dropped‌ ‌and‌ ‌the‌ ‌world‌ ‌slowed‌ ‌down.‌ ‌I‌ ‌opened‌ ‌my‌ ‌mouth‌ ‌but‌ ‌the‌ ‌words‌ ‌wouldn't‌ ‌come‌ ‌out.‌ ‌¨sh,‌ ‌it's‌ ‌ok,‌ ‌I‌ ‌know‌ ‌what‌ ‌you‌ ‌wanted‌ ‌to‌ ‌say.¨‌ ‌she‌ ‌put‌ ‌her‌ ‌finger‌ ‌on‌ ‌my‌ ‌lips.‌ ‌¨You‌ ‌do.¨‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌scared‌ ‌¨I‌ ‌do,‌ ‌you're‌ ‌not‌ ‌good‌ ‌at‌ ‌keeping‌ ‌secrets‌ ‌, Carter.¨‌ ‌I‌ ‌could‌ ‌breathe‌ ‌again‌ ‌and‌ ‌the‌ ‌world‌ ‌moved‌ ‌a‌ ‌little‌ ‌quicker.‌ ‌¨‌

‌Wait‌ ‌if‌ ‌you‌ ‌know‌ ‌then‌ ‌why‌ ‌didn't‌ ‌you‌ ‌tell‌ ‌me?¨‌ ‌Because‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌scared,‌ ‌and‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌hoping‌ ‌you‌ ‌could‌ ‌do‌ ‌it‌ but‌ ‌what‌ ‌the‌ ‌hell,‌ ‌why‌ ‌not.¨‌ ‌I‌ ‌started‌ ‌to‌ ‌think‌ ‌and‌ ‌as‌ ‌always‌ ‌that's‌ ‌not‌ ‌a‌ ‌good‌ ‌thing‌ ‌¨I‌ ‌wish‌ ‌I‌ ‌didn't‌ ‌wait‌ ‌so‌ ‌long,‌ ‌I’m‌ ‌sorry.¨‌ ‌¨Don't‌ ‌be,¨‌ ‌I‌ ‌looked‌ ‌her‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌¨The‌ ‌day‌ ‌isn't‌ ‌over‌ ‌yet.¨‌ ‌She‌ ‌put‌ ‌her‌ ‌hand‌ ‌on‌ ‌my‌ ‌face.‌ ‌¨What‌ ‌are‌ ‌you‌ ‌doing?¨‌ ‌¨something‌ ‌I'll‌ ‌never‌ ‌get‌ ‌the‌ ‌chance‌ ‌to‌ ‌do‌ ‌again.¨‌ ‌We‌ ‌locked‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌and‌ ‌leaned‌ ‌in‌ ‌and‌ ‌kissed.‌ ‌At‌ ‌that‌ ‌moment‌ ‌it‌ ‌was‌ ‌like‌ ‌my‌ ‌life‌ ‌purpose‌ ‌was‌ ‌fulfilled.‌ ‌I‌ ‌didn't‌ ‌want‌ ‌to‌ ‌leave.‌ ‌I‌ ‌knew‌ ‌it‌ ‌was‌ ‌a‌ ‌couple‌ ‌of‌ ‌seconds‌ ‌but‌ ‌it‌ ‌felt‌ ‌like‌ ‌a‌ ‌lifetime.‌ ‌¨hey‌ ‌you‌ ‌want‌ ‌to‌ ‌come‌ ‌over‌ ‌sense‌ ‌it's‌ ‌my‌ ‌last‌ ‌day,‌ ‌my‌ ‌parents‌ ‌are‌ ‌still‌ ‌at‌ ‌work.¨‌ ‌I‌ ‌stuttered‌ ‌¨ye-yes‌ ‌I'd‌ ‌love‌ ‌to.¨‌ ‌I‌ ‌grab‌ ‌my‌ ‌things‌ ‌off‌ ‌the‌ ‌floor‌ ‌not‌ ‌knowing‌ ‌that‌ ‌I‌ ‌dropped‌ ‌them.‌ ‌We‌ ‌both‌ ‌got‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌bus‌ ‌that‌ ‌goes‌ ‌to‌ ‌her‌ ‌house‌ ‌the‌ ‌whole‌ ‌time‌ ‌we‌ ‌just‌ ‌spent‌ ‌time‌ ‌together.‌ ‌ When‌ ‌we‌ ‌got‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌house‌ ‌we‌ ‌spent‌ ‌more‌ ‌time‌ ‌together.‌ ‌When‌ ‌the‌ ‌day‌ ‌was‌ ‌over‌ ‌I‌ ‌found‌ ‌myself‌ ‌lying‌ ‌in‌ ‌her‌ ‌bed‌ ‌falling‌ ‌asleep.

¨That‌ ‌was‌ ‌the‌ ‌best‌ ‌day‌ ‌of‌ ‌my‌ ‌life.¨‌ ‌I‌ ‌whispered‌ ‌in‌ ‌her‌ ‌ear.‌ ‌¨you‌ ‌obviously‌ ‌have‌ ‌never‌ ‌been‌ ‌to‌ ‌Disneyland. ¨she‌ ‌giggled.‌ ‌¨you‌ ‌know‌ ‌I‌ ‌almost‌ ‌forgot‌ ‌that‌ ‌you‌ ‌have‌ ‌to‌ ‌leave‌ ‌tomorrow…‌ ‌oh‌ ‌shit‌ ‌I‌ ‌also‌ ‌forgot‌ ‌my‌ ‌car!¨‌ ‌I‌ ‌got‌ ‌up‌ ‌and‌ ‌grabbed‌ ‌my‌ ‌stuff‌ ‌frantically.‌ ‌As‌ ‌I‌ ‌panicked‌ ‌she‌ ‌got‌ ‌up‌ ‌and‌ ‌grabbed‌ ‌my‌ ‌arm.‌ ‌¨hey‌ ‌you‌ ‌could‌ ‌just‌ ‌get‌ ‌it‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌morning.¨‌ ‌I‌ ‌don't‌ ‌know‌ ‌what‌ ‌it‌ ‌is‌ ‌but‌ ‌she‌ ‌can‌ ‌calm‌ ‌me‌ ‌down.‌ ‌¨in‌ ‌the‌ ‌meantime‌ ‌just‌ ‌lay‌ ‌down‌ ‌with‌ ‌me.¨‌ ‌I‌ ‌got‌ ‌back‌ ‌to‌ ‌bed.‌ ‌¨yeah‌ ‌your‌ ‌right.¨‌ ‌In‌ ‌my‌ ‌entire‌ ‌life,‌ ‌I‌ ‌never‌ ‌knew‌ ‌what‌ ‌parts‌ ‌of‌ ‌my‌ ‌life‌ ‌were‌ ‌significant.‌ ‌But‌ ‌tonight‌ ‌I‌ ‌knew‌ ‌that‌ ‌this‌ ‌moment‌ ‌was‌ ‌significant.‌ ‌The‌ ‌next‌ ‌morning‌ ‌I‌ ‌woke‌ ‌up‌ ‌and‌ ‌went‌ ‌to‌ ‌get‌ ‌my‌ ‌car.‌ ‌The‌ ‌air‌ ‌was‌ ‌still‌ ‌and‌ ‌cold.‌ ‌I‌ ‌could‌ ‌even‌ ‌see‌ ‌my‌ ‌own‌ ‌breath‌ ‌halfway‌ ‌down‌ ‌the‌ ‌street.‌ ‌When‌ ‌I‌ ‌got‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌parking‌ ‌lot‌ ‌I‌ ‌got‌ ‌a‌ ‌call‌ ‌from‌ ‌Victoria.‌

‌“Hey‌ ‌Chelsea,‌ ‌where‌ ‌are‌ ‌you?‌ ‌I‌ ‌woke‌ ‌up‌ ‌and‌ ‌you‌ ‌were‌ ‌gone.”‌ ‌I‌ ‌giggled.‌ ‌“I'm‌ ‌fine,‌ ‌I‌ ‌just‌ ‌

went‌ ‌to‌ ‌get‌ ‌my‌ ‌car‌ ‌and‌ ‌I‌ ‌didn't‌ ‌want‌ ‌to‌ ‌wake‌ ‌you‌ ‌up.”‌ ‌“‌ ‌Oh‌ ‌Thank‌ ‌god,‌ ‌when‌ ‌you‌ ‌get‌ ‌your‌ ‌car‌ ‌call‌ ‌me‌ ‌and‌ ‌meet‌ ‌me‌ ‌at‌ ‌Denny's.”‌ ‌ï‌ ‌pulsed.‌ ‌“Ok,‌ ‌I'll‌ ‌meet‌ ‌you‌ ‌there‌ ‌then.”‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌too‌ ‌distracted‌ ‌by‌ ‌my‌ ‌car.‌ ‌I‌ ‌forgot‌ ‌to‌ ‌tell‌ ‌her‌ ‌that‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌leaving.‌ ‌I‌ ‌know‌ ‌that‌ ‌I‌ ‌never‌ ‌like‌ ‌to‌ ‌get‌ ‌too‌ ‌personal‌ ‌with‌ ‌a‌ ‌lot‌ ‌of‌ ‌people.‌ ‌My‌ ‌closest‌ ‌friend‌ ‌is‌ ‌Nicole‌ ‌but‌ ‌sometimes‌ ‌I'm‌ ‌not‌ ‌completely‌ ‌honest‌ ‌with‌ ‌her‌ ‌either.‌ ‌Once‌ ‌I‌ ‌found‌ ‌my‌ ‌car‌ ‌I‌ ‌called‌ ‌veronica‌ ‌and‌ ‌told‌ ‌her‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌on‌ ‌my‌ ‌way‌ ‌and‌ ‌got‌ ‌in.‌ ‌When‌ ‌I‌ ‌started‌ ‌the‌ ‌car‌ ‌I‌ ‌took‌ ‌a‌ ‌moment‌ ‌to‌ ‌breathe.‌ ‌I‌ ‌felt‌ ‌sad.‌ ‌Which‌ ‌I‌ ‌thought‌ ‌was‌ ‌weird.‌ ‌I‌ ‌got‌ ‌what‌ ‌I‌ ‌wanted‌ ‌.‌ ‌I‌ ‌spent‌ ‌an‌ ‌ole‌ ‌day‌ ‌with‌ ‌veronica.‌ ‌But‌ ‌I‌ ‌felt‌ ‌empty.‌ ‌Once‌ ‌I‌ ‌got‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌diner‌ ‌and‌ ‌saw‌ ‌her‌ ‌I‌ ‌suppressed‌ ‌all‌ ‌my‌ ‌thoughts‌ ‌and‌ ‌put‌ ‌on‌ ‌a‌ ‌happy‌ ‌face.‌

‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌nervous‌ ‌but‌ ‌I‌ ‌didn't‌ ‌know‌ ‌why‌ ‌maybe‌ ‌because‌ ‌I‌ ‌know‌ ‌she's‌ ‌leaving‌ ‌and‌ ‌I‌ ‌won't‌ ‌see‌ ‌her‌ ‌again.‌ ‌I‌ ‌don't‌ ‌know‌ ‌why‌ ‌but‌ ‌I‌ ‌didn't‌ ‌want‌ ‌to‌ ‌see‌ ‌her.‌ ‌Maybe‌ ‌a‌ ‌part‌ ‌of‌ ‌me‌ ‌thought‌ ‌of‌ ‌last‌ ‌night‌ ‌as‌ ‌‌ ‌one-Nightstand .‌ ‌I‌ ‌know‌ ‌it‌ ‌wasn't‌ ‌but‌ ‌I‌ ‌don't‌ ‌know.‌ ‌“Hey!”‌ ‌she‌ ‌looked‌ ‌so‌ ‌happy‌ ‌to‌ ‌see‌ ‌me,‌ ‌it‌ ‌gave‌ ‌me‌ ‌some‌ ‌sort‌ ‌of‌ ‌screens.‌ ‌“hey‌ ‌what's‌ ‌up.”‌ ‌“nothing‌ ‌I‌ ‌just‌ ‌thought‌ ‌I'm‌ ‌not‌ ‌gone‌ ‌yet‌ ‌so‌ ‌why‌ ‌not.”‌ ‌I‌ ‌felt‌ ‌bad‌ ‌that‌ ‌I'm‌ ‌not‌ ‌as‌ ‌excited‌ ‌as‌ ‌her.‌ ‌“Hey,‌ ‌I'm‌ ‌sorry‌ ‌,‌ ‌I'm‌ ‌not‌ ‌the‌ ‌most‌ ‌energetic‌ ‌person‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌mornings.”‌ ‌she‌ ‌looks‌ ‌at‌ ‌me‌ ‌like‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌dumb.‌ ‌“It's‌ ‌not‌ ‌a‌ ‌big‌ ‌deal‌ ‌ok‌ ‌you're‌ ‌fine‌ ‌the‌ ‌way‌ ‌you‌ ‌are‌ ‌

energetic‌ ‌or‌ ‌not,‌ ‌I‌ ‌love‌ ‌you.”‌ ‌“I‌ ‌know‌ ‌it's‌ ‌just‌ ‌weird‌ ‌you're‌ ‌my‌ ‌first‌ ‌actual‌ ‌“girlfriend”‌ ‌and‌ ‌I‌ ‌can't‌ ‌

‌ ‌call‌ ‌you‌ ‌that‌ ‌because‌ ‌you're‌ ‌leaving.”‌ ‌ ‌I‌ ‌felt‌ ‌stupid.‌ ‌“Hey‌ ‌it's‌ ‌ok‌ ‌just‌ ‌be‌ ‌glad‌ ‌you're‌ ‌here‌ ‌with‌ ‌me‌ ‌now.” she‌ ‌wrapped‌ ‌her‌ ‌arms‌ ‌around‌ ‌me.‌

‌“I‌ ‌know‌ ‌but‌ ‌if‌ ‌I‌ ‌wasn't‌ ‌so‌ ‌scared‌ ‌we‌ ‌could‌ ‌have‌ ‌been‌ ‌something,‌ ‌good‌ ‌things‌ ‌come‌ ‌to‌ ‌those‌ ‌who‌ ‌wait,‌ ‌my‌ ‌ass.”‌ ‌she‌ ‌giggled.‌ ‌“So‌ ‌what‌ ‌time‌ ‌are‌ ‌you‌ ‌going?”‌ ‌she‌ ‌stopped‌ ‌to‌ ‌think.‌ ‌“I‌ ‌don't‌ ‌know,‌ ‌I'll‌ ‌ask‌ ‌my‌ ‌mom,”‌ ‌I‌ ‌remember‌ ‌when‌ ‌I‌ ‌had‌ ‌to‌ ‌ask‌ ‌my‌ ‌mom‌ ‌to‌ ‌do‌ ‌things,‌ ‌now‌ ‌she‌ ‌just‌ ‌doesn't‌ ‌care‌ ‌anymore.‌ ‌“She‌ ‌said‌ ‌that‌ ‌we're‌ ‌leaving‌ ‌at‌ ‌nine.”‌ ‌“oh‌ ‌ok.”‌ ‌“so‌ ‌I‌ ‌guess‌ ‌this‌ ‌is‌ ‌goodbye.?”‌ ‌I‌ ‌didn't‌ ‌want‌ ‌her‌ ‌to‌ ‌leave.‌ ‌“Sadly‌ ‌it‌ ‌is.”‌ ‌she‌ ‌looked‌ ‌at‌ ‌me‌ ‌with‌ ‌a‌ ‌tear‌ ‌in‌ ‌her‌ ‌eye.‌ ‌“Well‌ ‌goodbye.”‌ ‌

“I‌ ‌don't‌ ‌like‌ ‌goodbyes,‌ ‌so‌ ‌see‌ ‌you‌ ‌later.”‌ ‌she‌ ‌giggled.‌ ‌“Yeah‌ ‌see‌ ‌you‌ ‌around.”‌ ‌she‌ ‌smiled‌ ‌and‌ ‌left‌ ‌

the‌ ‌diner.‌ ‌That‌ ‌was‌ ‌the‌ ‌last‌ ‌time‌ ‌I'd‌ ‌see‌ ‌her.‌ ‌The‌ ‌rest‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌day‌ ‌flowed‌ ‌like‌ ‌it‌ ‌had‌ ‌no‌ ‌meaning.‌ ‌ ‌

The‌ ‌next‌ ‌day‌ ‌was‌ ‌like‌ ‌all‌ ‌the‌ ‌others‌ ‌before,‌ ‌slow‌ ‌and‌ ‌without‌ ‌meaning.‌ ‌“Hey!”‌ ‌I‌ ‌turned‌ ‌to‌ ‌

see‌ ‌my‌ ‌friend‌ ‌Nicole.‌

‌“hey.”‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌so‌ ‌tired.‌ ‌“I‌ ‌know‌ ‌you‌ ‌don't‌ ‌like‌ ‌to‌ ‌go‌ ‌out‌ ‌but‌ ‌you‌ ‌look‌ ‌like‌ ‌you‌ ‌

need‌ ‌to‌ ‌so‌ ‌I'm‌ ‌inviting‌ ‌you‌ ‌to‌ ‌a‌ ‌little‌ ‌get-together‌ ‌at‌ ‌my‌ ‌friend's‌ ‌house.”‌ ‌I‌ ‌took‌ ‌a‌ ‌deep‌ ‌breath.‌ ‌“Are‌ ‌

you‌ ‌inviting‌ ‌me‌ ‌to‌ ‌a‌ ‌party?”‌ ‌she‌ ‌paused‌ ‌“uh‌ ‌yeah,‌ ‌but‌ ‌it's‌ ‌not‌ ‌a‌ ‌big‌ ‌one‌ ‌it's‌ ‌just‌ ‌me‌ ‌and‌ ‌my‌ ‌

friends…‌ ‌and‌ ‌their‌ ‌friends‌ ‌and‌ ‌their‌ ‌friends‌ ‌.''‌ ‌I‌ ‌sighed‌ ‌in‌ ‌frustration‌ ‌but‌ ‌she's‌ ‌my‌ ‌friend,‌ ‌

so.‌ ‌“Fine‌ ‌I'll‌ ‌go‌ ‌but‌ ‌don't‌ ‌expect‌ ‌me‌ ‌to‌ ‌make‌ ‌many‌ ‌new‌ ‌friends.”‌ ‌her‌ ‌face‌ ‌lit‌ ‌up‌ ‌with‌ ‌excitement‌ ‌and‌ ‌she‌ ‌giggled.‌ ‌“Really‌ ‌oh‌ ‌my‌ ‌god‌ ‌you're‌ ‌not‌ ‌going‌ ‌to‌ ‌regret‌ ‌it.”‌ ‌“I‌ ‌have‌ ‌a‌ ‌funny‌ ‌feeling‌ ‌that‌ ‌I‌ ‌might.‌ ‌That‌ ‌night‌ ‌I‌ ‌got‌ ‌ready‌ ‌hoping‌ ‌it‌ ‌wouldn't‌ ‌be‌ ‌a‌ ‌bad‌ ‌night.‌ ‌I‌ ‌had‌ ‌my‌ ‌doubts‌ ‌but‌ ‌I‌ ‌don't‌ ‌want‌ ‌

to‌ ‌be‌ ‌rude.‌ ‌She's‌ ‌a‌ ‌good‌ ‌person‌ ‌and‌ ‌is‌ ‌‌ ‌the‌ ‌only‌ ‌other‌ ‌girl‌ ‌that‌ ‌wants‌ ‌to‌ ‌be‌ ‌my‌ ‌friend.‌ ‌Once‌ ‌

I‌ ‌was‌ ‌done‌ ‌getting‌ ‌ready‌ ‌I‌ ‌got‌ ‌a‌ ‌call‌ ‌from‌ ‌her.‌ ‌“Hey!”‌ ‌she‌ ‌sounded‌ ‌excited.‌ ‌“I‌ ‌was‌ ‌wondering‌ ‌if‌ ‌I‌ ‌could‌ ‌pick‌ ‌you‌ ‌up‌ ‌instead‌ ‌of‌ ‌you‌ ‌driving.”‌ ‌“Why?”‌ ‌her‌ ‌voice‌ ‌went‌ ‌from‌ ‌excited‌ ‌to‌ ‌nervous‌ ‌fast.‌ ‌“Well‌ ‌we‌ ‌haven't‌ ‌been‌ ‌hanging‌ ‌out‌ ‌lately‌ ‌and‌ ‌I‌ ‌just‌ ‌wanted‌ ‌to‌ ‌do‌ ‌something‌ ‌nice.”‌ ‌I‌ ‌hesitated.‌ ‌“Um‌ ‌sure, ‌I‌ ‌don't‌ ‌see‌ ‌why‌ ‌not.”‌ ‌“‌ ‌cool,,,‌ ‌I'll ‌there‌ ‌in‌ ‌a‌ ‌jiff!”‌ ‌She‌ ‌hung‌ ‌up‌ ‌the‌ ‌phone‌ ‌and‌ ‌five‌ ‌minutes‌ ‌later‌ ‌she‌ ‌showed‌ ‌up‌ ‌at‌ ‌my‌ ‌house‌ ‌in‌ ‌a‌ ‌denim‌ ‌jacket‌ ‌and‌ ‌some‌ ‌jeans.‌ ‌I‌ ‌always‌ ‌loved‌ ‌her‌ ‌style.‌ ‌My‌ ‌clothes‌ ‌consisted‌ ‌of‌ ‌flannel‌ ‌and‌ ‌skinny‌ ‌jeans.‌ ‌“Hey!‌ ‌Ready‌ ‌to‌ ‌go.”‌ ‌she‌ ‌looked‌ ‌nervous.‌ ‌“Yeah,‌ ‌I'm‌ ‌ready.”‌ ‌ ‌When‌ ‌we‌ ‌got‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌party‌ ‌I‌ ‌immediately‌ ‌hated‌ ‌it.‌ ‌There‌ ‌were‌ ‌so‌ ‌many‌ ‌people‌ ‌there‌ ‌and‌ ‌I‌ ‌didn't‌ ‌do‌ ‌well‌ ‌with‌ ‌them.‌

‌“Alright,‌ ‌we're‌ ‌here.”‌ ‌I‌ ‌felt‌ ‌scared.‌ ‌“I‌ ‌have‌ ‌a‌ ‌feeling‌ ‌I'm‌ ‌going‌ ‌to‌ ‌hate‌ ‌this.”‌ ‌“oh‌ ‌come‌ ‌on‌ ‌just‌ ‌stick‌ ‌next‌ ‌to‌ ‌me.”‌ ‌she‌ ‌grabbed‌ ‌my‌ ‌hand‌ ‌and‌ ‌pulled‌ ‌me‌ ‌out‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌car.‌ ‌As‌ ‌we‌ ‌made‌ ‌our‌ ‌way‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌door‌ ‌hand‌ ‌in‌ ‌hand‌ ‌I‌ ‌noticed‌ ‌people‌ ‌were‌ ‌watching.‌ ‌Everyone‌ ‌knew‌ ‌which‌ ‌gender‌ ‌I‌ ‌preferred‌ ‌to‌ ‌be‌ ‌with‌ ‌and‌ ‌they‌ ‌were‌ ‌not‌ ‌okay‌ ‌with‌ ‌that.‌ ‌There‌ ‌was‌ ‌one‌ ‌person‌ ‌, Nightstands .‌ ‌And‌ ‌she‌ ‌is‌ ‌sitting‌ ‌five‌ ‌feet‌ ‌away‌ ‌from‌ ‌where‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌walking.‌ ‌But‌ ‌weirdly‌ ‌enough‌ ‌she‌ ‌wasn't‌ ‌the‌ ‌first‌ ‌to‌ ‌say‌ ‌anything.‌ ‌“Oh‌ ‌my‌ ‌god!‌ ‌I‌ ‌can't‌ ‌believe‌ ‌it.”‌ ‌oh‌ ‌shit.‌ ‌“oh‌ ‌hey‌ ‌Mathew.”‌ ‌Mathew‌ ‌was‌ ‌Nicole's‌ ‌boyfriend‌ ‌until‌ ‌she‌ ‌decided‌ ‌to‌ ‌not‌ ‌date‌ ‌an‌ ‌asshole‌ ‌anymore.‌ ‌ ‌“Did‌ ‌you‌ ‌leave‌ ‌me‌ ‌so‌ ‌you‌ ‌can‌ ‌be‌ ‌a‌ ‌queer‌ ‌with‌ ‌Chelsea?”‌ ‌“No,‌ ‌I‌ ‌left‌ ‌you‌ ‌because‌ ‌I‌ ‌don't‌ ‌want‌ ‌to‌ ‌be‌ ‌the‌ ‌bitch‌ ‌that's‌ ‌dating‌ ‌the‌ ‌biggest‌ ‌asshole‌ ‌in‌ ‌town.”‌ ‌“yeah‌ ‌right,‌ ‌your‌ ‌ng‌ ‌Chelsea‌ ‌aren't‌ ‌you-”‌ ‌“Hey!‌ ‌Back‌ ‌off‌ ‌or‌ ‌else‌ ‌I'm‌ ‌kicking‌ ‌you‌ ‌out‌ , Mathew.”‌

‌It‌ ‌was‌ ‌Nicole's‌ ‌friend‌ ‌who‌ ‌threw‌ ‌the‌ ‌party.‌ ‌“fine‌ ‌but‌ ‌keeps‌ ‌those‌ ‌fags‌ ‌away‌ ‌from‌ ‌me.”‌ ‌“hey‌ ‌keep‌ ‌it‌ ‌up‌ ‌I‌ ‌want‌ ‌to‌ ‌kick‌ ‌you‌ ‌out.”‌ ‌her‌ ‌friend‌ ‌walked‌ ‌up‌ ‌to‌ ‌us.‌ ‌“Hey,‌ ‌I'm‌ ‌sorry‌ ‌about‌ ‌that‌ ‌guys.”‌ ‌I‌ ‌felt‌ ‌terrible.‌ ‌“No,‌ ‌I'm‌ ‌sorry‌ ‌he‌ ‌wouldn't‌ ‌have‌ ‌done‌ ‌that‌ ‌if‌ ‌I‌ ‌wasn't‌ ‌here.”‌ ‌Nicole‌ ‌looked‌ ‌at‌ ‌me‌ ‌like‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌stupid.‌ ‌“Hey‌ ‌shut‌ ‌up,‌ ‌it's‌ ‌not‌ ‌your‌ ‌fault‌ ‌he's‌ ‌an‌ ‌idiot,‌ ‌come‌ ‌on‌ ‌let's‌ ‌get‌ ‌something‌ ‌to‌ ‌drink.” ‌The‌ ‌rest‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌night‌ ‌was‌ ‌fun.‌ ‌I‌ ‌had‌ ‌a‌ ‌great‌ ‌time‌ ‌with‌ ‌my‌ ‌friend.‌ ‌We‌ ‌danced‌ ‌and‌ ‌even‌ ‌played‌ ‌some‌ ‌beer‌ ‌pong.‌ ‌I‌ ‌didn't‌ ‌expect‌ ‌it‌ ‌but‌ ‌after‌ ‌we‌ ‌had‌ ‌that‌ ‌little‌ ‌run-in‌ ‌with‌ ‌Matthew‌ ‌it'd‌ ‌be‌ ‌a‌ ‌quiet‌ ‌night‌ ‌and‌ ‌by‌ ‌quiet‌ ‌I‌ ‌mean‌ ‌we‌ ‌drank‌ ‌until‌ ‌we‌ ‌saw‌ ‌someone‌ ‌puke.‌ ‌

It‌ ‌was‌ ‌fun‌ ‌and‌ ‌the‌ ‌next‌ ‌day‌ ‌was‌ ‌still‌ ‌pretty‌ ‌boring‌ ‌but‌ ‌I‌ ‌at least‌ ‌had‌ ‌my‌ ‌friend‌ ‌there‌ ‌to‌ ‌keep‌ ‌me‌ ‌from‌ ‌being‌ ‌sad‌. During lunch, we all sat at a table and talked about last night and how crazy it was. “What about you Chelsea, what did you think about last night?” “It was fun.” they all looked at me. “That's it, it was fun!?” “um… yeah what do you want me to say.” I laughed. “Well something more interesting than it was fun, I mean did you hook up with anyone.” I looked at him with a straight face. “Do you see any more gays here?” “oh yeah well then what did you do?”

“I just hung out with Nicole the whole time.” there was silence at the table after I gave my response to the group then Nicole started to open her mouth. “All we did was have some fun and get wasted, nothing super interesting.”Alex just rolled his eyes over the boring response that Nicole said “what about the whole Mathew thing.” I looked down at my hands and started to play with my fingers to try to ignore the question. “It was nothing just him being an asshole again.” as I was looking down I noticed a new voice enter the conversation.

“What's going on queers.” It was Cassidy, which is the worst person in my opinion. “Hey, dick magnate.” I was surprised at the comeback that Nicole came up with. “I just wanted to tell you that I heard about the whole issue with Matthew and that everyone will know about you two.” I felt my heart sink into my stomach. “Hey bitch if I wanted to talk to a slut I would go to your mom's house.” “yeah fuck off bitch.” I was surprised at how defensive my friends were over me but I guess that's what friends are for. “Hey sorry about that.” “hey it's fine, I don’t mind being called queer for a couple of days ok, besides she's a bitch and no one will believe her.” I smiled at Nicole.

After school I when I got home I arrived to see my mom on the couch passed out with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. To get away from her I called Nicole and asked her if she wanted to go for a walk or something. “Hey, Nicole what's going on.” “nothing what’s up.” I stopped to take a breath. “I was just wondering if you wanted to go for a walk.” “sure I’m not doing anything.” “cool see you at the lake.” I got dressed in a long-sleeved shirt and a warm fuzzy jacket and quietly and quickly went out the door trying to not wake my mom and went to the lake. On my way there I noticed some jokes were going around town on a joyride. Once I showed up at the lake I told her about the jocks.

I have not finished and I would appreciate constructive criticism

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ikesenrambles · 5 years

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May I ask hc for Kenshin and Masamune, in which MC is having birthday - how would they celebrate it with her and most importantly, how would their night look like? ;D Thank you~ Love you and your writing! ♥

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAILANN. You are such an amazing person and you deserve nothing but happiness. When I first joined Tumblr, I looked up to you so much - and I still do. You were one of my first friends here and you helped me feel like I belonged in this fandom, that I had something to offer, and that will always mean so much to me. I know you asked for headcanons, but they turned into fics and ahh I just couldn’t help myself. I hope that you enjoy them! Happy happy happy birthday. ♡

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Cravings (nsfw)

Ikemen Sengoku - Date Masamune

It’s a perfect summer morning at Masamune’s estate. The sun’s soft rays gleam in through the translucent papers of the shoji windows, stirring you from your peaceful slumber. Instinctively, you reach the space beside you for Masamune’s form, but to your surprise, he is no longer there. Busy again? You don’t want to be disappointed, but you are. These past few days, you had felt Masamune’s absence. Long days attending war council and late nights doing paperwork had kept your lover away from you. While you missed him terribly, you didn’t want to burden him by telling him that you felt lonesome.

Of course, as one of Nobunaga’s most valuable allies, he’s often busy. Still, you couldn’t help but hope that today would be different, that you would wake up and find him still snuggled up against you, his face buried in the crook of your neck and his arms wrapped lovingly around your waist. Immediately, you feel guilty for thinking he would cast aside his duties just because it was your birthday. You scold yourself quietly under your breath, pouting. No sooner than you come to accept that he’s probably off running errands, you hear the gentle closing and opening of the sliding doors as Masamune enters.

In his hands, he holds a tray of a delicious breakfast he had prepared for you. “Awake already, kitten?” he muses out loud as he carries the tray over to you, setting it beside the futon. You straighten up, running a hand through your hair as he sits down beside you. Suddenly, his voice becomes serious as he stares into your eyes. “Don’t tell me you really thought I would spend today apart from you…”

Your face reddens slightly at your apparent transparency, but you shake your head quickly to dissipate his assumption. Masamune only chuckles softly in response, reaching out to stroke your hair. “It’s all over your face, lass,” he whispers almost teasingly, his lips slightly brushing against your earlobe and sending a shiver up your spine. After all this time you two have spent together, it’s a wonder how he still manages to get you flustered like this. He brushes a few stray strands out of your face, caressing your cheek. “You don’t know how much I missed this.” There’s something sultry in his voice that suggests something more, but before you can ask, he pulls away and hands you the food tray. “I made your favorite,” he says proudly, a confident glint in his eye. “So eat up.”

“It’s like you knew just what I was craving,” you praise him as he lifts a piece of food to your lips. You giggle at his gesture but open your mouth for him to feed you. “But aren’t you hungry, too?”

“I’m craving something else right now,” he tells you with a smirk and a mischievous glimmer in his eye as he continues feeding you. “After breakfast, I want to take you someplace special.”

Later that afternoon, Masamune and you ride into the countryside for some sightseeing and shopping before finally stopping to rest at a quaint inn near a private onsen. You’re wrapped only in a towel as you dip your toes into the warm water of the hot spring, waiting for Masamune to join you outside the sliding doors.

He laces his fingers through yours, his other hand resting gently on your hip as he embraces you from behind, also wearing only a towel. “Come here first, kitten,” he instructs you. You let him guide you back inside the room. For a few minutes, he just stands there smiling at you, playing with your fingers. “It’s been a while since we’ve been able to spend time together like this.” You nod, remembering how swamped he has been these past few days. “You really thought that I forgot about your birthday, didn’t you?” he asks with a light shake of his head.

You hesitate for a minute, not quite sure if you should answer honestly. Nevertheless, the earnest look in Masamune’s eye tells you that he already knows the truth. With sheepish resignation, you sigh and explain to him, “I didn’t want to distract you from your duties.” Averting his gaze, you murmur, “Either way, it’s no big deal. It’s just a birthday.”

“If you miss me, you should just say so,” Masamune tells you with a steady voice, tilting your chin so that you have no choice but to look up at him. His gaze is kind, caring. On his lips is a gentle, reassuring smile. “It’s a big deal to me. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He lowers his voice suddenly, leaning in very close. “Besides… I need to make up for lost time.”

“Masamune…” you whisper in a hushed voice, suddenly very aware of his intentions.

“It’s been a while since I’ve really seen you,” he says with a knowing grin. You’re not one to shy away from his touch and yet, his coyness makes you blush. His breath tickles your neck; he nips at your ear playfully making you turn red. Then, folding his fingers over yours, he lowers your hands to your sides so that you let go of the towel covering you. It falls to your feet silently with nothing more than a breathless gasp from your lips. He runs his hands over the curves of your body, looking over you with admiration as his hands cascade from your breasts to your hips to your thighs. Then he leads you to the futon, where he lays you down gently.

Trailing a finger from your neck… to your navel… to right below the dip of your hip bones… You close your eyes as his fingers tease you, expecting something that never quite comes. Instead, he parts your legs, kissing slowly up and down the insides of your thighs. “Ng–!” you gasp, startled, when he suddenly drapes one of your legs over his shoulder.

Then you feel the tip of his tongue pressing into you, coaxing you to spread your legs wider. Your grip on his shoulders tightens, your nails slightly digging into the muscles of his back as he teases you with another flick of his tongue. Your hips jerk at the warm, wetness of his tongue as tiny licks turn into vigorous lapping; he holds your body down as he dives in once more, this time closing his mouth against your skin, sucking softly on your flesh and tasting your arousal. You have to bite down on your hand to keep your moans from getting louder, your legs trembling, your mind going blank. “Masamune… I’m…” Words fail you as pleasure overwhelms you; you stammer, grasping clumsily for words. “What if someone… h-hears?”

He flashes you knowing grin. But that doesn’t stop him from continuing. As you get closer and closer, he only stimulates you more, easing his fingers inside the most intimate place. He knows your body well enough to find your sweet spot easily; and once he does, it’s only a matter of strokes before you’re crashing over the edge and cumming on his fingers.

“I… needed that,” you pant, struggling to catch your breath. He lets out a laugh, warm and full, that makes your heart leap with pure happiness. The two of you are a tangled, sweaty mess on the futon. It looks like you’ll both have to bathe again before you can get into the onsen.

Remembering what he last told you before you two left Azuchi, you ask him curiously, “Did you get to have what you were craving?”

Masamune kisses you on the lips and rolls you over so that you’re laying underneath him. “Mhm,” he murmurs against your mouth, his tongue seeking access to yours. He pulls away only to smirk at you once more, “But I’m in the mood for seconds.”

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Yours (nsfw)

Ikemen Sengoku - Uesugi Kenshin

Of course Kenshin wouldn’t just take a day off for your birthday - he would take the whole week off. In the days leading up to your birthday, you two spend quality time together away from the others.

A picnic in the morning in a flowery field, followed by shopping in the marketplace with your hands interlaced (he’ll buy you whatever you want, of course), and sake tasting in the midday. Everything feels so perfect and peaceful. In the night time, you two cuddle on the patio outside of his room, his arms wrapped around your shoulders to protect you from the cold. He presses a cup of warm sake to your lips and you savour the taste, and he brings his mouth to yours to share the fine flavor of it. Expect lots of cuddling as you two look up at the sky, admiring the endless sea of stars as you both reminisce about the day you first met and how far you both have come since then.

On the day of your actual birthday, he dismisses everyone from Kasugayama so that the two of you can have uninterrupted time together.

After everyone has left the castle, giving you two your privacy, Kenshin summons you to his study. From his desk, he retrieves a present carefully wrapped in elegant furoshiki. “I have a gift for you,” he whispers. You welcome the familiar warmth that fills your body as you gazes at you lovingly with nothing less than pure adoration in his kind eyes. “It’s not enough to express how much I love you,” he murmurs as you take the gift from his hands, “But I hope that it will satisfy you.”

He strokes your hair gently as you excitedly unwrap the present in front of him. Your eyes fill with awe, a smile forming on your lips as you reach out to touch the expensive material of what he has bought for you. Folded neatly in the decorative cloth is a gorgeous kimono, patterned with plum blossoms finely outlined with gold thread detailing. “Kenshin…” Your voice almost breaks at the sweet sincerity behind his gesture, “This is so beautiful.”

“It’s only proper that it be as beautiful as the woman who wears it,” he says simply, as though it is common sense. Gazing at you adoringly, Kenshin is just as awed by your beauty as you are by the kimono’s exquisite handiwork. His voice lowers as he trails a finger down the side of your arm then smooths his thumb over your cheek. “Please,” he whispers, a seductive hint to his voice, “Will you let me put this on you?”

You nod willingly. His nimble fingers make quick work of your obi sash, the kimono you’ve been wearing all day finally falling from your shoulders. He kisses his way down from the side of your neck to the curve of your hip as he slowly pulls the kimono down your trembling body. Rising to his feet once more, he drapes the new kimono over you, helping you slip your arms through and readjusting your obi tie. “You look perfect,” he sighs admiringly, pressing a kiss to your head before he takes a step back to appreciate the way you look tonight once more. A shy blush appears on your cheeks at his praising compliments.

Studying you intently, he purses his lips as he considers the way the kimono fits your body just right. He reaches out to wrap a strand of your hair around his finger, bringing it to his lips in a tender kiss. “But you look even more perfect without in on…” his voice trails off, the gentle quality of his voice suddenly becoming rougher, coming out as what sounds almost like a low growl. “… without anything on.”

A shiver runs up your spine at the raw honesty of his words and the implications that they carry. You say nothing, focusing only on the sparks of fire you feel where his fingers linger; your body burns under his touch. “I want you so badly,” he whispers hungrily, his breath ragged and hot against the nape of your neck as his fingers seek the flesh of your hips, digging into the soft skin there. “We have the castle to ourselves tonight, so let me spoil you.”

The two of you stumble raucously on the way to his chambers, knocking over hanging scrolls and wall decorations in your path, lips meeting tongue and teeth in a passionate kiss as you both anxiously feel up the other person’s body. Impatient as you both are, Kenshin pushes you up against the wall, his hands on either side of your hips. “I need you now,” he breaths, fingers quickly hiking your kimono up the side of your legs. “I don’t want to waste a single moment.”

You nod, eager for his touch. Without hesitation, he loosens his own kimono with one hand, the other undoing your obi knot. Your garments gracefully tumble to the floor in unison; there’s not a second of waiting before Kenshin presses his body against yours, his fervent kisses assailing the sensitive skin of your neck and breasts. His touch is hot; you feel like you’re on fire as he parts your legs with his knee and seeks you with his fingers. His name falls effortlessly from your lips as he pleasures you with his fingers, drawing moans out of you with each loving stroke. Before long, you feel the tip brush against you. As he lifts your legs around his waist, hoisting you off of the ground, you wrap your arms around his neck. He eases himself inside of you with one hand, the other firmly gripping your thigh and holding you steady as he begins to move.

You dig your nails into the muscles of his back, clamping a hand over your mouth to keep from crying as his thrusts quicken. There’s something so precious about the way that he looks at you, nothing but love spilling out of the ocean blue and emerald green of his eyes, yet the way he grabbed your hips hard and fast countered his delicate features. The sound of the wall rocking behind you as your back crashed against it filled the silence of Kasugayama Castle as Kenshin took you higher and higher.

Suddenly, he drapes your arms around his shoulders once again and carries you to the kitchen, propping you up against the wall once more. It’s only a matter of time before the both of you topple to the floor, unraveling in a series of passionate kisses as he pulls your hips back, positioning you on his lap so that you’re facing away from him. Holding both your breasts in his hands, he slowly starts to grind against you once more; you sink down onto him and hear a soft, sweet sigh of pleasure escape his lips. “It feels so good,” he whispers heatedly, his pace quickening as you both begin to moan in response to steady rhythm of your bodies.

You come undone a second time, your legs sore, your head spinning as your breath catches in your throat, your body convulsing in his arms. There are indentations where he’s gripped your hips, and you just know that there will be bruises there tomorrow. Panting, you reach behind you to stroke the soft locks of light blonde hair as he nuzzles his face into your shoulder, struggling to catch his breath as well.

“One more round,” he murmurs against your neck, kissing the skin there. By this time, your legs are too weak for you to properly walk, so Kenshin hoists you into his arms and carries you down the hall, slightly stumbling himself on the way to his chambers.

Bending you over the futon, the sound of skin slapping against skin with each thrust echoes through the emptiness of Kasaguyama. Reaching forward to wrap his arms firmly around your wrists, his hips mercilessly crashes against your behind as he takes you over and over again, making you yelp in pain and pleasure. “Give yourself to me,” he whispers, his voice hoarse. “I’ll give my all to you.”

You nod, and he lays you on your back on the futon. Finally, you can stare into his eyes and the unbridled passion and emotion behind them. “Kenshin,” you say under your breath, sitting up so that your noses are almost touching.

“Everything I have — everything I am — is yours,” he murmurs, closing the gap between you two with a sweeter, more delicate kiss on the lips. A thousand words could not capture how deep his love for you ran. So, instead, he settled for two words: “Happy birthday.”

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Tagging @rikumorimachisgirl and @kitsune-mana as promised~ If I missed anyone, please message me & I will add you!(´,,•ω•,,)♡

If you would like to be tagged in the next fic, please let me know! Also, please specify if you’d prefer to be tagged in NSFW fics, SFW fics, or both!

If you enjoy my work, please consider supporting me on Ko-Fi, ikesenrambles. I don’t have much spending money for Ikesen since I’m saving my paychecks to cover college. Supporting me on Ko-Fi would mean that I have pocket money for the little things that bring me joy, like Ikesen. I would be able to buy premium routes, which in turn means that I can learn more about the warlords & write even better stories for you to enjoy. ♡

#ikemen masamune #ikesen masamune #ikemen kenshin #ikesen kenshin #ikemen sengoku #ikemen sengoku fanfiction #ikemen sengoku fanfic

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