#oh now im sad. i wont be able to taste it. FUCK

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

To the anon that wants to devour a whole bag of lettuce, DO IT! If it’s iceberg it’s the best thing ever you’ll feel so refreshed not even lying. I’ve eaten 3. +a whole veggie platter by myself because people at holiday parties don’t like vegetables for some reason. Eat that bag of lettuce! Now!

you are SO real for this! i once devoured an entire head of iceberg lettuce with my bare hands in a single sitting and i never felt more alive

#oh oh but its so much better with some ranch to dip it in... #FRESH VEGETABLES WITH RANCH IS BETTER THAN CRACK TRUST ME ON THIS #ok dont trust me on this ive never done crack #BUT ITS REALLY FUCKIN GOOD #tasty! Refreshing! primal! #vegetables are so good theyre soooo good theyre Divine #what i wouldnt give for some crisp Leaves and Cauliflower #crunch crunch crunch... #rambles from the bog #when was the last time i had a fresh vegetable. i dont want to think about it #my body... its withering... i need crunchy freshes.... #oh now im sad. i wont be able to taste it. FUCK

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah, i think quarentine has given people some opportunity to actually just sit with the person they are, rather than be rushing around for the person they want to become. its good you got smth good out of isolation! ah thats great! hope you had fun and ur partner in crime speeds back home so you can get out more hehe.

ah yeah ty, good suggestions.

hmm good point, i was sort of putting it separate to the whole not-sexualising thing, but yeah. mmm yeah i totally agree, some of the enhypen fics/imagines *shudder* and even reading innie stuff is just a bit *icky* cos everyone still thinks of him as our agi ppang. yeah def would be good but sadly this just seems to be the world we live in. :(

ah yes the holy masterlist (not sarc) i have actually read in the rain and gladius maximus before, but ill go look for in class! oooh thats good! character development lol. hmmmm yes champagne problems was the angst to end all angst, that shit hurt. it was actually one of the first of your fics i read and i recall almost crying over the whole thing, it was so heartbreaking, i can see how it almost made you want to drop angst. good that youve allowed yourself some lee-way tho :)

hehe thats so cool. okay here we go, ill try not to be mortally offended (/hj)

cheese - yes same, i liked it but that was all there was, it wasnt a super standout track. it was rlly underwhelming for me but some of the hook is super catchy so there is Redemption (tm) in store for cheese maybe

thunderous - mmm, yeah at first i totally agreed, i think they suffer from too much good music syndrome, that all their other tracks are such fucking bops its hard to stay at that level of perfection. the choreo was beautiful tho and tbh, the track has grown on me since ive been watching all the vids abt it. its my brothers favourite track

domino - YES GODAMMIT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TITLE TRACK. the raps, the vocals, the vibes, the fucking domino sound in the back? i would have streamed that shit on repeat. but tbh, as good as it is, it doesnt have that sort of grandness/oomph that skz seems to like in their title tracks so i can see why they chose thunderous (tho domino would have been so good) *sigh*

ssick - yeah same, not my fave track by a long mile, the crowd cheering was a ?strange? choice and the chorus was a bit bare/empty, plus like i mentioned earlier, it was kinda funny to me for some reason but ill still play it if im playing thru the whole album

the view - ahh one of those not like other girls (/j) i honestly think its just a good party song, just a bop to play in the background when nobodys rlly paying much attention. its pretty generic pop music but catchy

sorry, i love you - hehe yeah i thought it was going to be sadder as well, but i rlly loved the fact that they all just got to sing, which almost never happens, i dont think ive heard felix sing for a long time, so i enjoyed it. wasnt rlly a standout track but i just casually like it. looking forward to the fic haha

silent cry - this song i swear, some bits are rlly good and then others are just? why?? it does sound like a dance song tho idk. definitely not one of my faves either

secret secret - YES its so good! its such a chill song and i love their vocals in it. the combination of lo-fi/fake strings backup stuff and their heavenly vocals just makes it *chefs kiss* im listening to it rn and just... its so beautiful. it gives me pumped up another day vibes ya know? like my pace is edgy get cool, this one is energetic another day i feel like. overall i love it

STAR LOST - ah thats so cool! i didnt know that! on first listen this song had a similar vibe to secret secret but then the beat came in and ahh its such a good song. i can totally imagine them putting this song to a concert footage vid, this song is so sweet.

red lights - LMAO YES ITS SO AWKWARD WHY DOES IT GO ON FOR SO LONG ah thats good! yeah good point, its quite intense hehe. but that is my fave trope and this is lowkey my favourite track on the album so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just the combination of hyunjins and chans voices, the backing music, the lyrics ahh red lights my beloved

surfin’ - yes lmao its always a shock, i feel like they should have put gone away in between them, but its such a fun cute song, i cant get rlly mad. yeah, as an aussie i think im contractually obligated to like beaches lol. sand im not such a fan of, but my familys rlly into fishing and my brother loves bodyboarding so we stay at a beach house at least twice a year and we live like 5 mins from 3 different beaches (hehe all aussie cities are on the coast lol) so thats cool. do you like beaches?

gone away - ah gone away my beloved, i love this song sm, its just so pure and showcases their vocals and lyrics so well. yes the pitch change is very out of the blue, i feel liek they went directly from seungmins soft vocals to hans powerful ones which was an interesting choice, but hey, im not complaining

wolfgang - YES IKR ah im so happy he got to be included in that era and song. yeah its such a full on song i cant rlly listen to it if im in a quiet mood but its very motivating :)

hehe mood, i hope they do! ahhh no rest, but at least you wont have to pull a blink and wait a year for any word from the group lol. im not rlly into nct but im excited for them! ah hopefully youll be able to sneak some rest into that chaotic schedule, with enhypen (idk if u stan but yeah) squeezed into it haha

<3 w.a. 🐺

i wheezed at partner in crime, it reminded me of smth. i have a lee know fic in the drafts that i wrote 'in honor' of him (and his departure-ish). i'll tag you when i finish it, if you want. it's a rather hilarious one.

oh my god. based on my experience on the collabs i've joined before, writing explicit shit for '01 & '02 is not accepted (nct's maknaes) but with enha's hyung line '01 & '02 somehow it's okay? i do a double take every time i see fics like those i mean, technically, it's legal but still what the fuck. maybe it's just not for me at the moment. not at us venting our frustration about this. it's just something that's so accepted here that i am (in all honesty) slightly uncomfortable about. but oh well. that's kpop writerblr for you.

man i could've linked all the fics in the ask instead so you wouldn't have to go looking for them! i think i saw you like in class the other day (the fic i renamed into sharp-tongued, god it took me a while to remember the new title). describing champagne problems as an angst to end all angst is one way to put what i was feeling back in december. it just hurt to write and admit?? if that ever happened to me i would prolly cry :d

okay back to the album talk! i love how you answered with more thoughts. i love exchanges like these! i am a victim of the cheese hook and it's now one of my favorite tracks in the album. PLS, TOO MUCH GOOD MUSIC SYNDROME. that's on our self-producing kings 😌💅 also, your brother has taste! as i am typing this, domino's currently playing in my head and i realized that too, that it doesn't have that 'vibe' of a skz title track. honestly, this could be a title track of another group. ssick is starting to grown on me because i found the beats cool kdjsk not the not like other girls 😭 the view is the generic pop that i don't like but i get why a lot of people enjoy it. sorry i love you scratches a certain itch that i find myself singing the first few lines every time i remember it. i too would want to hear felix sing more!

> a mini junction on the album talk bc i got side tracked. on that topic, i want skz to switch positions at some point like i know those allrounders are capable of doing so. specifically, i want to hear seungmin rap!!!! (yk in the recent weekly idol he talked faster than changbin in a challenge and changbin is like the fastest rapper in kpop that's active atm if im not mistaken. my dandy boy has some potential and i want it UNLEASHED.)

back to album talk. silent cry is basically sad music to twerk to. secret secret is definitely one of my favorite tracks :( i loved how you compared the tracks HAJSAH i burst out laughing bc yk what, you're right! i want to make a star lost edit of skz but i simply do not have the time i want to cry. i love the song so much. ok, my dreaded track, red lights. idt i have played the track since we last talked. my friend sent me the lyrics tho and i'm itching to write a twisted au out of it. idk if you're comfortable with yandere but somewhere along those themes. the obsessive type of love that's sweet at first but turns rotten. IMAGINE IF THEY PUT GONE AWAY BETWEEN ASHJA it's like going from 50 shades to the notebook.

i was about to ask if you lived near the coast and you literally mentions it here god im so stupid. yes i LOOOOOOOOOVE beaches so much. living in an archipelago is fun :( i live in a part of the country that's more island than city so every time i want some vitamin sea it's accessible. i heard the waves in australia are great :( anYWHOOO gone away :(( every time it plays im compelled to skip it because it makes me sAD AND NOWADAYS I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO BE SAD. contrary to you, i dislike my quiet moods because i tend to overthink a lot.

i have this little analogy about how there are stays that enjoy songs the generic pop + mellow songs and then there are other stays that enjoy the noisy tracks. in my mind, it's like a perfect balance that makes me feel like all the tracks are loved in the end. just by different people.

PULL A BLINK. bro i fucking hate yg entertainment. they have the biggest kpop girl group LOCKED in their basement when they could be (and i mean this in the most business-like way not morally) milking money of the quad. they're yg's biggest hope at not being bankrupt atm so it's a damn fucking mystery to me as to how they aren't doing anything. (jk i just realized lisa solo album soon, but i still need a ot4 cb hELLO)

i stopped looking forward to the teasers. rest > kpop boys. i don't want to sound like a cult member but have you tried checking out nct? are they just not your thing? (i get it tho, that's one hard group to get into). and yes i do stan enhypen!

wow i love how long these asks are! they're like online penpals. but i also want to ask about you! how have you been lately? are you feeling okay both mentally and physically? how's the weather there? do you have anything that you want to talk about? maybe an interesting book you read? feel free to bring up anything you want to share! i'm getting conscious about talking about myself HAJHSJ

and yet another long answer B) i am sooo sorry T___T should these ask exchanges feel draining to you, feel free to stop sending them in AAAA

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

[lysiso]

hi how are u :D any thoughts to share

im doing pretty okay :) and yes a few my brain is always full with stuff OR nothing at all theres no in between so get reaaaaaaddyy :D

I bought moldavite and i have it for two days now ik thats like nothing its only two days right but tbh i dont feel that much and was disappointed but its only two daaays also i really do think my life's on its way to be turnt upside down like i cant explain how i know but i mean it in a good way i feel like the coming few years are going go be so transformational. Why am i (are we) not able to see or meet aliens? i would LOVE to meet a kind nice friendly benevolent alien!!! How did humanity's "intelligence" get so far to the point of it being self destructive? isn't it weird like we came from lil fish in the sea.. to blabla... to blabla.. to homo sapiens... we became so intelligent that we invented all this stuff like technology and all that and yet we NEVER learn from history, ALWAYS repeat the same mistakes and are literally KILLING the earth and other people like isn't that crazy we've become so far... just to be our own destruction thats absolutely bonkers... Why am i so awkward around thid guy from work sure i may have a teeny tiny crush on him but damn get ur shit together right lmao.. WHY is it that when i mention it's been a while since i've smoked weed people offer to go to their place and i can have some but like.. no i want weed either for myself or for me and my friends like why do people suggest that i can come over if i want i barely know u, we are just colleagues why would i wanna get high w u idk u like that... also ur double my age you weird ass man why are u even offering. More importantly why isnt my CRUSH offering... sad... i miss weed, i miss hanging out w friends, i miss being extra w makeup and outfits, i truly hope corona wont be too bad next fall bc i got big ass travel plans (im so excited abt this wtf!!!!) and i really hope i can actually go to the countries i want.... it's literally my dream. Why is banana and chocolate such a good combo? Cote d'or is the BEST chocolate ever oh my GOD it's superior. Brooklyn 99 is so funny and so good. I say i dont have a phone/social media addiction but im literally on it the entire ffin day and it's keeping me from being productive. I hate when people talk abt body positivity but then make fat people feel guilty abt wanting to lose weight or actually losing weight. I want someone to *** ** *** so bad i've been so ***** ******. I should rly start attack on titan it looks really cool, i should finish kakegurui first tho. I really wonder if someone, anyone ever had a crush on me like literally aaaaanyone?? I cant wait to go TRAVEL NEXT YEAAAAAR. Why is my best friend so fucking bad at texting... like tbh some ppl are so ffin dry over text and they always always say "yeah lmao im rly bad at texting" like bitch wym how?????? u got all the emojis and u know popular vine/tiktok memes so???????? use them????? I would love some red wine rn. I love music, but i rly don't get how like.. earbuds work i truly dont like wym the music is transfered through little wires like how like what even is music? is it also made out of 0s and 1s i truly dont get it ALSO what the FUCK is wifi and other wireless tech? like how does that WORK??? i'm like starting to think we got the whole technology thing from aliens. People who don't believe that there's other life out there are so weird.. u cant possibly start to imagine how big this galaxy is let alone th universe and u dont think there's any other life out there?? dumb. omggg i. love. any. potato. dish. yuuuuuum!! I miss Gina in b99. I have quite a few mutuals on here that i've been following for YEARS i wish i could send them all a hug. I simply don't get how you could be okay with being such a shitty person that ur a BILLIONAIRE but u dont give to others.... i wonder why people even WANT to have so much money like... up to a certain extent sure like i do believe money Can make up happy but at a certain point u already have everything u want so literally why not.. save people from dying on the streets like this is so weird. I loveeeeee this tomato-basil bread i once made i cant forget it it tasted like... pizza bread omg yum

#there's a limit to how long a post can be now??? idgi why #im thinking zbt so much more #ask #how are u!!!!

[clumsyclifford]

i love your tag recs though 🙈 please don't stop sneaking in recs i will miss them (i did add 100 bad days to the recs playlist btw) so with i'm on fire i just feel like the lyrics don't fit deep breath but soundwise it'd fit the vibes so your call tbh bc i'm torn now 😅 and okay so actually recommending things is kinda terrifying no clue how you do it but my go to calming springsteen songs are the river (pretty sad), downbound train (also sad and technically not even that calm) (1/4)

(2/4) if i should fall behind & tougher than the rest (love songs) & hello sunshine (i was wary of it at the beginning but it has a kinda hopeful undertone that i like a lot) thing is they might only be calming to me bc i grew up with his music and thus even born in the usa has a calming effect on me 😅 so idk moving on. you know i used to be like i don't get people that stay up so long when they have to be up early but i haven't slept before 2am for months now so i feel this a little too well

(3/4) but i want to kindly ask you to maybe consider going to sleep earlier to get some rest especially if you have to do uni stuff 🙊 how are you feeling about that Big Decision by now? really hope you're still feeling relieved. honestly i've been doing real bad but it's cool it's not really new just lots of anxiety atm. onto answering your tags: loved the new fic even though it was cashton, can't wait to read fluff from you (or anything really but fluff is just sth else)

(4/4) and to give you a good representation of my mind: i read that you had to make a phone call and send emails and i got stressed about it. about things that i don't even have to do (i hope these went well btw) i'm in awe of the fact that you can play please by noah kahan. and that you can play guitar just in general. very very impressive to me 😅 -fiancee

well i dont think theres any hope for me stopping with the tag recs or recs in general now that i have a willing and eager audience for my fucking music taste kdfagjakfg so thank you <3 

okay well!! i have added all of these songs to my to listen playlist specifically so that i don’t forget which ones you said but hopefully i can get around to listening to them sooner or later and i will let you know what i think !! thank you <3 i am excited i really havent actively listened to that much springsteen my dad doesnt love him because he thinks born in the usa is such a dumb song lmao

oh man..........id love to be able to get to sleep earlier but it just wont be happening im sure of it. as for the Big Decision i am still feeling relieved! i called starbucks and said hey thanks but i dont wanna work for you (left a message cos the lady didnt pick up, thank GOD) and then i set a time with reslife to move in, and so now it actually feels like a real concrete plan, which is always a lot more reassuring to me than just an idea. so. yeah. im aight.

im sorry you’re not doing well :(( i really am, that really sucks and if you ever wanna talk about it you know i’m here and i’ll listen and if there’s anything i can do i will do it !!! i’m not just saying that i really mean it.

yay im glad you liked the fic EVEN THOUGH IT WAS CASHTON ALKFGJDKFGJDG look someone needed to write a post you blues fic okay ????? it had to be done. there is fluff on the horizon though i promise god when was the last time i posted fluff djgkdafgmkj guess how I’M doing

that is FAIR ENOUGH well if it makes you feel better the phone call went well cos as previously mentioned the lady didnt pick up lmao and the email also went very well so. worry not !!! all is well

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh thank you OH THAT REMINDS ME i just got a new guitar !!!!! she is sooooo pretty i literally got her yesterday she was so expensive but ive been saving up and like ???? MY FIRST REAL GUITAR??? like the first guitar ive ever purchased!!!!! cos the one i have now was like, a hand me down or from a yard sale that my mom got it like. probably ten years ago or somethin. but this is the first guitar that is well and truly mine, bought with my own money. AND IT’S AN ACOUSTIC ELECTRIC SO IT PLUGS INNNN not that i have an amp but it’s still good to HAVE and just. oh god im so excited i need to think of a name for her

#i am tentatively accepting name suggestions but will probably ignore most of them #in favor of Vibe #her name will maybe be noah but im not sure yet #i need to play her some more and see what fits #shes also a mini......so shes like smaller than an average guitar........because i am tiny #and shes so beautiful and the GIG BAG IS SO NICE #WAYYY nicer than mine #like just in general everything guitar related that i own is basically secondhand and in used condition #and to have a FULLY BRAND NEW GUITAR....BRAND NEW CASE..... #im just. so stoked i really am #fiancee anon #anonymous #ask #answered

[johnnysnostril]

Without You

chapter thirteen 

johnny’s pov

i sat in the parking lot of the hotel with the flowers in my lap. 

how the hell was i going to find ivy?

i sighed and threw my head back.

“listen, i need help. so can you please- just send me a sign?” i said talking to god out loud.

as i lifted my head, out walked alonna and jae from the hotel lobby. i sat up straight in the drivers seat and leaned forward a bit.

that was definitely jae, walking alonna to ivy’s car.

she was all dressed up.

i wonder where she’s going..

jae kissed her goodbye, then watched her pull off.

as he walked back into the lobby, i started my car and followed alonna.

ivy’s pov

rolling out of bed, i ran to the bathroom to get ready for Laura’s.

ivy’s outfit:

as i hopped in the uber, i smiled out the window. all i could think about was mark kissing me after he left.

i could still feel his lips on mine, as i ran my fingertips over my lip gloss.

pulling up to the restaurant, i was immediately seated for a table for two- outside.

i bounced my leg underneath the table as i waited for alonna.

it seemed like forever, until i seen my car pull into the parking lot.

i hopped out of my seat and walked over to the small gate that divided the tables from the sidewalk.

calling out for my sister, i waved her over and she smiled.

as she approached me, i reached to hug her over the gate.

“i missed the memo for dressing up.” i laughed.

alonna’s outfit:

“i mean, you did say brunch. this is how i normally dress for the occasion.” she laughed.

i watched alonna walk inside, then prance her way over to our table.

“spill the tea.” she said as she pointed her finger at me and raised her eyebrows. 

“before i have to kill you for walking out the door with mark.” alonna set her purse down on the extra seat and crossed her legs as shes sat.

i giggled to myself as the waitress walked up. we ordered two mimosas.

“am i going to have to beat this juicy story out of you, or what?” alonna said losing her patience.

i sighed and tucked my hair behind my ear, sitting down.

“nothing major happened.. i’m just liking his attention right now.” i admitted.

“so, what about johnny. you don’t have feelings for him, do you?” she said resting her elbows on the table.

“i don’t know. i mean, he did admit that he had feelings for me- at his party. but then he beat up mark. which made me change my mind about him.”

alonna nodded.

“well, you need to stay away from him. he put you in danger and im not okay with that.”

as our drinks were served, alonna took a big sip- closing her eyes.

i waited for a moment before i dropped my bomb on her.

“why didn’t you tell me about you and jaehyun?”

she shot her eyes open and nearly choked on her drink.

i laughed and handed her a napkin.

i was honestly sad that she didn’t tell me.

did she feel like she couldn’t trust me?

my sister sighed, pouting.

“i didn’t know how. plus i was scared..” she folded her arms across her chest and looked off to the side.

“it’s not like i was going to tell you not to do it. i mean, look at me.”

shrugging my shoulders, i took a drink of my mimosa.

“my feelings are hurt, but i just thought we told each other everything..”

she poked her bottom lip out at me.

“i’m sorry.. i guess i just didn’t know how to bring it up to you. and i didn’t want you to feel like i was rubbing it in your face at all.”

i nodded my head.

“you could have also told me that you knew them before “meeting” them at the airport.”

alonna rolled her eyes.

“you would have never came to the studio with me, if i told you that i knew them before.”

“yeah. you’re right.” i laughed, agreeing with her.

“no more secrets, okay?” 

i held out my pinky and waited for her to do the same.

“i promise. no more secrets.” extending her pinky, i connected mine with hers.

she smiled as we released the sealed deal and picked up her menu.

“i also dated taeyong for a little bit too.” she said hiding.

“alonnaaaa!” i laughed.

johnny’s pov

watching from the drivers seat, i clutched onto the floors.

i felt so weird, like i was spying on them.

well, technically i was.

suddenly my phone rang.

jaehyun.

“hello?” 

“hey, man. where are you?” jae asked.

i had to lie.

“uh, at my dad’s shop- helping out. what’s up?”

“malcolm needs us at the studio. we’re meeting with marteen today and it’s just going to be me, you and mark. so could you please- be chill about this?” he asked.

i rolled my eyes at the sound of his name.

“what time?”

“around 2pm. can you meet me at the studio before the meeting though?”

i nodded.

“i’ll be there at 1. see you then.”

i quickly hung up the phone and shoved the device in my pocket.

“perfectly timing.” i mumbled as i watched alonna get up and walk away from the table.

bathroom break, im assuming. 

gathering up all the confidence i had left, i opened the car door- jumping out and taking the flowers with me.

i dodged being in the sight of ivy, quickly making it to the entrance.

the host greeted me and i smiled, walking past him.

taking a deep breathe, i made my way outside and walked to ivy’s table.

ivy’s pov

looking out into the parking lot, i tilted my head a bit.

that almost looked like johnny’s car.

i furrowed my brows, feeling a present behind me.

“that was quick.” i laughed. “hey, does that look like johnny’s car to you?”

i turned around expecting to see alonna, but it was johnny instead.

he had a weak smile on his face, with a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

“yeah, that’s me.” he chuckled.

i leaned away a little and placed my hand over my heart.

“johnny?.. what are you doing here?”

he quickly pulled up a chair, sitting next to me.

“i’ll make this quick. cause i know you don’t wanna see me right now and i really don’t wanna get slapped again.” he halfway chuckled.

“ivy- i like you. that’s all there is to it. i’m not totally sure if you like me back, but i hope that you still do. i know that what i did to mark was wrong-”

i tensed up at his name.

“there’s no excuse for what i did. and i take full responsibility for my actions.”

johnny slowly reached his hand out for mine, squeezing it.

“i apologize, for putting you in that type of environment. and if you give me a chance to prove that i’m actually a good person- you wont regret it.”

i furrowed my brows as i listened.

i wanted to cry so badly because i could see in his eyes, that he was truly sorry for everything he did.

“i don’t need an answer right now. you can take as much time as you need to think about it-” handing over the flowers, he leaned in to kiss my forehead.

“just know that i have feelings for you. and i wanna get to know you better.”

watching him stand up, i hugged onto the flowers.

“i hope you can forgive me, ivy.”

johnny gently tossed my curls off my shoulder and softly smiled.

“you look beautiful by the way..”

my body was frozen. i couldn't speak or think.

i had half the nerve to stand up and kiss this man right on his lips, for admitting that he was wrong. i knew that wasn't easy for anyone, so i respected him for that.

i watched as johnny made his way back out to his car, and drove off.

“girl- the soap in that bathroom smells so freakin-” alonna said approaching the table.

her eyes went straight to the flowers, then back at me.

“how did he know where we were?” 

i was quiet.

“ivy! did you tell johnny that we were meeting?” she asked as she sat down, waving her hand in front of me.

i shook my head.

“oh my god- he must have followed me from the hotel then. that little fucker.” alonna looked out into the parking lot and groaned.

“i told him to stay away from you.” she pulled out her phone, dialing some numbers.

“you told him what?” i said keeping my grip on the bouquet.

jaehyun’s pov

pulling up to the studio, i sang to myself- making my way into our room.

“well, well, well.” 

looking over towards the booth, i seen taeyong slipping the headphones off his head.

Malcolm looked up from the keyboard in the corner and smiled.

“nice to see you, my man!”

i gave him a head nod, closing the door.

“figured we’d have a little meeting, before out meeting.” Malcolm laughed.

“i dont need a meeting with him.” i said pointing over to taeyong. “im good.”

reaching for the door handle, Malcolm caught me by the arm.

“come on, jaehyun. this conversation needs to happen. you know i dont do negative vibes in my studio. and this deal with marteen will not be ruined.”

i clenched my jaw and rolled my eyes.

“now, have a seat.”

as taeyong walked out of the booth, he smirked in my direction.

i really wanted to punch his stupid ass in the face.

“now- while marteen is here, we wont have a replay of the other meeting we had- will we taeyong?”

taeyong shot his gaze at malcolm- who was pointing over at him.

“no sir.” he answered in a serious tone. 

“jae.” malcolm looked over at me.

“im good. you know im not with the bullshit anyways.”

he clapped his hands together and smiled.

“that’s my boy! now, you two need to squash whatever drama you have before 2pm. you've got an hour and i want all body parts in the same condition they were in, when i leave. got it?”

malcolm made his way out the studio and i took a seat.

taeyong’s pov

i spun in my chair, thinking of a smartass comment to make.

pulling my beanie down a bit, i playfully smiled in jae’s direction.

“how’s my sloppy seconds, bro?” i laughed.

jae kept his eyes on me, not moving a muscle.

“let me make this clear, you mention her name- or say anything bad about her, i’m knocking your ass out. no questions asked.”

alonna’s smile ran through my mind.

i leaned back in my chair, trying to keep my cool.

dont kill him. dont kill him.

“i’m just wondering how my dick taste.” shoving my hands in the pocket of my hoodie, i watched as jae rolled his neck.

“you should be more worried about being able to breathe in a minute.”

the muscles in his jaw flexed once again. 

i smacked my lips.

“you know i could snatch her away from you at anytime jae, you dont completely have her, you know.” i laughed.

“what the fuck is your problem? what are you so mad about? is it that you can’t have her, or are you trying to cope with the fact that im better than you- in every fucking way possible.”

jae stood up from his chair and i joined him.

“you're lucky that i haven’t fucked you up, already. alonna is the only person that’s keeping you safe right now. if it was my choice, you’d be dead.”

he spoke.

i lifted my brows.

“wow- my feelings are hurt.” i laughed, kicking my chair back. “especially since, she’s been in contact with me- since i broke her little heart. sorry to break it to you, but she still wants me.”

jaehyun’s pov

i ran my fingers through my hair, becoming frustrated.

“you’re a fucking liar.”

he was bluffing. he wanted me to get angry. he liked the drama.

“oh yeah?” taeyong said pulling out his phone.

“isn’t this your bathroom at the hotel?”

taeyong pulled up a picture of alonna, posing in her bra and underwear.

i snatched the phone out of his hand. my body was shaking.

“how did you get this?” i said throwing his phone back at him.

she sent that to me after she left to meet with ivy, for brunch.

today. just a few hours ago, that picture was taken.

he simply caught his phone and laughed.

“she sent it to me, stupid ass. how else would i have got it?”

#nct scenarios #nct fanfic #nct fluff #nct imagines #johnny nct fanfic #Johnny Fanfic #johnny suh #nct johnny #nct jaehyun #nct mark

[toshis-puppycat]

Dreamscape Part One

Masterlist

It was a new day, your father was driving you to your campus. You were starting a new semester at college. Correction, you were starting a new semester at a university. And your dad agreed to have you move out and get your own space on campus, so long as your grades didnt drop and visited when you weren't busy studying. You jumped at the opportunity leaving the house, you loved your dad but it was difficult to grow and flourish like your peers did while living with him. Your father parked the car at the apartment complex you'd finally be moving into that day.

"Now honey, remember to call" your father sighed, looking at you fondly. "I guess you dont have to remember to call now, you're gonna be living here!" Your dad said, you could hear the twinge of sadness in his tone. You knew it was hard on your father.

"Papa it's not like I'm gonna forget you and mama." You stated, your voice cracking. You loved your dad, seeing him worry like this made you worry for him too. He sighed and looked forward to your building. 

"Just be safe, alright? I I don't want my daughter getting hurt trying to make a living for herself." He says.

"I wont papa, remember I'll fight anyone." You joked, although it wasn't too truthful. You would in fact fuck up anyone who messed with you, but you didn't know anything past the simple defense training that your father was able to teach you when you were younger. 

"I haven't said this much, but sweetheart. Im very proud of you." Your father said, he turned towards you tears in his eyes. You felt yourself tear up too.

"Thank you papa." You choked out. You two had a good cry after that, then you were finally able to move your things into the apartment your father got for you. He said he didn't want you worrying too much for renting and that he'd cover all those expenses for you as long as you were smart about everything else. He said he wouldn't worry too much about where he lived and you believed him. He was always smart with money and you knew he saved up so much money for you to be able to have a good life, especially after your mom passed away. You sighed, you missed her so much. You couldn't remember a lot of your mother, but your father was so in love with her and he was heartbroken when she passed away only bringing himself together for you to have a good life. You'd always be grateful for him. You looked at your apartment, finally furnished and looked proud. You moved out of your childhood home and into your own apartment (even if your dad was paying for it, he told you to be proud of it anyways because you still moved out and you had great grades. "You deserve it!" he said). 'I could definitely get used to this' you thought, falling into the couch and staring at the ceiling, feeling your body start to relax and your eyes began to droop. You passed out without a second thought. 

"Stanley!" You shouted, running through the village, a boy clutching your hand. He was laughing and pulling you the open meadow just outside of the area. 

"Y/n, I have to tell you something!" He yelled excitedly.

"Okay! Tell me then!" You giggled, looking at him.

"Mother and father said they'd talk to your father about me marrying you!" He yelled out, falling onto the ground, smiling up at you. You felt yourself smile back, dropping next to him. "We have to collect flowers! So you can hold them for the wedding y/n!" He said, looking over at you, adoration in his eyes. He always looked like this towards you, ever since you could walk he'd be doting over you and when you started talking it was even more so. You'd met him when you were just a babe, he was 5 years older than you but he was smitten when he'd laid eyes on you for the first time proclaiming he would marry you when the time was right. You never minded, Stanley was the sweetest boy you had ever met in your life. It wasn't like the other village boys had a chance to have your hand in the first place. 

"Okay, Stanley." You laughed out, you were happy. Laying out in a field, laughing with your best friend, what a wonderful life. 

You woke up, suddenly and shaking. You forgot to eat and your body had quite literally told you to get the fuck up. You carefully stood up and looked at your phone, 10pm. Youd eaten very little throughout the day, and now you were starving. Thank god there was a pizza place just down the block. You left without even a passing thought of the dream youd just had. 

Richard was tired, Stan was brooding too much for his tastes. Getting too pissed off and getting too ready to beat the shit out of him. He'd already had a black eye, he didn't want two. Leaving to get food was the best thing to do for all of them. There were many things he missed as the years passed by, but the suffering wasn't one of them! God the things humanity came up with! Pizza was one of his favorites that they came up with. 'Took fuckin forever for them to make it though' he angrily thought as he walked into the building 'Slice of Heaven Pizzeria'. He suddenly smelled something delicious, and it wasn't the pizza. He looked around the brightly lit area, his eyes falling on the frame of a cute girl. He could see you debating on what you actually wanted in the place and to be fair he felt the same, he liked changing it up sometimes and they put together new things all the time. But jesus, you smelled like heaven. He could practically hear the blood pumping through your veins despite him not being a fledgling anymore. He felt his fangs coming out and he felt himself hold back, something he hadn't done in centuries, since he was a fucking fledgling. You were dangerous, he could feel himself smirk. A challenge he could do for himself to prove he wasn't someone who'd just attack whoever smelled good. And damn, you smelled good. "Wow toots, you're gorgeous." He said, smiling at you as you looked at him startled. You scowled.

"Ugh, dont call me that you fuckin creep." You said, surprising yourself. You never swore at new people, especially fucking guys. He laughed.

"Alright, alright I'll admit that probably sounded fucking creepy. But like the complement was genuine." He said, he looked more sincere this time around, so you let it slide. 

"Dont be a fuckin weirdo. Girls don't like that shit. Just compliment them like a normal person." God he liked you. You were feisty.

"I'm Richie, sorry I was being creepy. Im just naturally calling people that ya know?" He said, holding his hand out to you. 

"Y/n." You said, shaking his hand. "And yeah, I get it." You replied. You probably just made a new friend, you thought smiling to yourself. Seeing Richie trip over nothing walking to the counter made you think it was a dumbass friend though. 

Two weeks later you found yourself thinking the same thing. Richie really was a giant dumbass, but he was a funny dumbass. 

"I can't believe you did that!" You yelled at him.

"You should have seen his face! He was so shocked!" He laughed out, this was a great idea, it want nearly as hard as it was the first time he'd seen you to deal with your scent. 

"Oh fuck! I completely forgot, Rich." You got serious but you had I light in your eye that he liked. "I was formally invited to a Halloween party and I would like to add you as my plus one for Saturday night." You said, in an exaggerated British accent you loved mocking him for. "You can even bring your friends, I'm sure you have more than me ya know." You finish, back the laughing mess you were before you asked him anything.

"Aw shit doll, on such short notice? Whatever will I do for a costume?" He asked, mockingly and happily. You were a great friend, he hoped the others liked you too since you wanted to meet them so bad. Unfortunately Richie did what he usually did. He fucking forgot to tell them how he reacted when he first met you.

——

A/N: Wow two whole parts out. I hope everyone enjoys, and please send whatever criticism you have or whatever you predict, who knows I might take it into consideration 😉 Thanks for reading!

#IT #Losers Club #Stanley Uris #stanley uris x reader

[joonshadow]

"i'm not straight"

being in the closet isnt that much fun

or

namjoon comes out to the other members after hiding for so long.

/namjoon-centric fluff/

namjoon knew he wasn't straight for quite a while now but never told anyone, neither his family or his members. not because he wasn't sure about it, heck no, he knows for a hundred percent.

but coming out to yourself is really hard and coming out to everyone else in your life is even harder sometimes.

the leader always is open and accepting, never judging anyone. he has some not straight friends and loves them so much, couraging them to be open and happy. but being not straight himself is a bit different.

first, he could never be open about his sexuality to the whole world. its just the sad truth that an idol isn't supposed to be gay, they should be "normal" and appealing to their fans, who are mostly female.

which leads to the second reason; the hate.

as the leader of the group its his job to hold the members together and look after them. if he came out as gay, the media would go crazy and not just attack joon, but probably the whole group with hate and drama.

so no, being out and about isn't really an option for him. but for a while now he thought about telling his little "secret" to his members, his best friends who are like a second family for the boy.

-

turns out that trying to come out is nerve wracking as fuck.

all seven boys are cuddled up on the couch, watching a movie yoongi choose called "love simon" and eating popcorn.

namjoon is squished inbetween jungkook and hoseok, the youngest laying his head down on joons lap while his head is on hoseoks shoulders.

namjoons hands are sweaty, his heart is bumping hard in his chest and his throat is dry as hell. the blonde boy kept thinking over and over how he should say it but everytime he wants to say it out loud, he gets too scared.

its weird because he knows he will receive nothing but love and support from his friends, so he doesnt know why its so scary to actually tell them.

probably because his whole life, it was his little secret just for himself that no one else knew. so telling it someone else who obviously isnt him, is scaring the hell out of him.

and the time passes, the movie almost over and jungkook asleep on his thighs.

the first one to speak up wasnt namjoon, it was taehyung.

"i love this movie, its awesome. the two boys are so cute together!", the blue haired boy said with a sleepy voice and smiled at the other members, everyone agreeing with him instantly.

which makes joon incredibly happy. he doesn't know if its just something he feels or if its common among lgbt people, but everytime someone whos important to him says something accepting or nice about the community, his heart secretly bursts full of happiness in his chest.

"its late, we should sleep.", hoseok mumbled while carefully standing up, trying not to wake the youngest member up.

"youre right, hyung. do we have any schedules tomorrow?", asked jimin, who also was almost asleep next to jungkook.

seokjin told them all that they dont have anything planned for the next week since promotions are over and their tour starts in three weeks. everyone smiled because that means they would all be able to sleep as long as they want tomorrow.

namjoon brought some blankets from his room for jungkook who will sleep on the couch today because everyone is too tired and lazy to wake the youngest up and bring him to bed.

he carefully put them over him and tucked the sleeping boy in, kissing his head before turning off the tv and going out of the living room as quiet as possible.

seokjin and hoseok already dissapeared in their rooms, tired from practising their newest choreo all day long, while jimin and taehyung were in the bathroom and getting ready for bed.

namjoon did the same, telling the younger ones to sleep well and not to stay up too late before going to his room as well.

yoongi was his roommate, the two rappers sharing their room for quiet a while now.

the older boy was already in his bed when namjoon came in and crawled into his bed after changing into his pyjamas.

namjoon thought he was already asleep so he tried his best to be quiet and not make any noise to disturb the other. he almost fell asleep too before he heard some footsteps coming near his bed, his big blanket being held up and yoongi going under them.

it wasnt surprising since the two of them cuddle almost every night. but namjoon still got surprised as yoongi began to talk in a soft, calm voice.

"whats wrong, joon? i know somethings on your mind. you can talk to me, you know?"

is he that obvious? okay maybe he is a little bit tense lately, trying so hard to act normal but at the same time trying to find a good moment to tell his members about his sexuality.

after the movie was over today, he was kinda pissed at himself because he wasted such a good opportunity to tell them.

"i dont know what you mean, hyung. im just like always?"

yoongi sighed but besides that he just stayed silent. he softly caressed joons hair and waited for the younger boy to speak up when he is comfortable with doing so.

namjoons heart started to pound faster and he felt his hands getting sweaty again. maybe this was better than telling it everyone at once.

so he took a deep breath, tried to get his shit together and with a voice that yoongi almost wasnt able to hear, he finally said it out loud.

"im gay."

namjoon couldnt see yoongis reaction, wasnt able to read his face because it was pitch dark in their room and his back was turned towards the older one.

he started to breath faster, anxiety rising up in him because yoongi didnt say anything and for a second namjoon thought that he will hate him now.

but all his fears went away as yoongi wrapped his arms around namjoons waist and pulled him a little bit closer, giving him a soft kiss on his shoulder and smiled against his neck.

"hyung?"

"what?"

"arent you gonna say anything?"

"what should i say, joon? its no big deal,

i still love you. youre still the same person as before, you know?"

namjoon fell asleep a few minutes later with the biggest smile on his face.

-

"so for how long have you known?"

yoongi decided the morning after that just the two of them should sit together and talk a little bit. namjoon was more than okay with that which resulted in them sitting on yoongis bed, both with a cup of tea and surrounded by soft blankets and pillows.

namjoon told him everything, about how he found out and if he ever had a boyfriend, to which he sadly answered with a no.

"i dont know if anyone would every truly love me for who i am, you know what i mean?", namjoon said and looked down at his cup.

yoongi looked at the other boy and smiled softly, hitting his shoulder playfully.

"i bet youll find the perfect boy soon, joonie. dont worry too much about it."

-

this same afternoon namjoon decided that he should tell the other members too. it was unfair to just tell it yoongi and keep this big secret from everyone else.

its kinda hard to plan this kind of stuff since he is the type of person to back out on the last second. but after feeling so relieved from telling yoongi about his sexuality, he figured it wont be that bad to tell the others as well.

he went to seokjins and hoseoks room, knocking on the door twice and letting himself in after hearing a tired "yes?" from the inside.

there they were, sitting on their comfortable beds while probably scrolling through social media and stalking fan accounts. neither of them looked up, too concentrated on their phones and whats going on on the internet.

"hyung?"

both of them looked up after they heard namjoons quiet voice filled with anxiety, instantly putting away their phones and just focusing on him which, to be honest, didnt make this any easier.

"whats wrong, joon?", hoseok asks curious while standing up, taking his hand and pulling him over to seokjins bed.

hoseok sat right next to jin, which meant that namjoon is right in front of the two older boys.

nervously he was fiddling with his hands, taking a deep breath and thinking about what yoongi told him.

its no big deal,

youre still the same person as before

"i have something to say that i feel like you two should know, okay? its nothing big, at least thats what yoongi hyung says, but i just wanted you guys to kno-"

"are you gay or what?", hoseok said while letting out a small giggle, stopping the moment he saw namjoons surprised face.

"wait, youre really gay. holy shit, im sorry namjoon, i didnt mean to-"

"oh shut up hoseok, dont make this even more embarassing for yourself.", seokjin insisted and then just focused on namjoon, who was just hella surprised and a little bit shocked to be honest.

"yeah, im actually gay. thanks for ruining my big surprise", namjoon joked and smiled at hoseok, who still feels kinda bad and tightly holds joons hands in his.

the two older boys gave namjoon a big hug, telling him that theyll love and support him no matter what and reminded namjoon that theyre always here if he needs someone to talk to.

everything they said means a lot to joon and he is so happy to hear it, especially from the oldest member in the group. the two were always really close with each other so to know that seokjin still loves him just the way he is, means a lot.

-

"hyung?"

namjoon looked up from the pot with boiling hot water in it, making pasta for everyone or at least trying to. taehyung came into the kitchen and just silently started to cut the vegetables that joon already put out for cooking.

"whats up, tae?", joon asked while taking out spices from the cabin, tasting the sauce for the noodles before adding some more salt and pepper. hes not the best cook but still able to make simple pasta with tomato sauce without making everyone sick or burning down the kitchen.

taehyung put away the knife for cutting the veggies, puts his hands on joons shoulders and turns him around so that the two boys are facing each other.

"uh, taehyung? what are you doing?"

the younger one just hugged joon tight and buried his face in the taller ones neck, pulling him close. to say that namjoon was a little bit confused was an understatement.

taehyung began to speak quietly with a shy, almost embarassed voice against joons soft skin.

"i heard you, hobi hyung and jin hyung talk in their rooms. i shouldnt have listened, but i was so curious about what you guys were talking about. im so sorry, hyung."

he was a little bit confused but understood after a second whats going on.

"so you know?"

the blue haired boy nodded quickly and promised namjoon that he doesnt mind it at all and that hes still the best leader of the whole world to which namjoon just responded with a soft "thank you", a big smile and an even bigger hug.

-

the day is almost over, no one really did anything besides sleeping and eating all day long. days like these are much needed after stressful promotions and exhausting award shows.

the boys ate joons pasta for dinner, complimenting him on his "amazing" cooking skills and after that they all just dissapear in their rooms or somewhere else in the house.

it was already dark outside as namjoon sat down on their big couch, pulling his phone out and scrolling trough social media.

most of the fans dont know but all of the members love to look at all the different fan accounts and see what they say about their group. its fun.

around five minutes later he got a message from jimin.

jimin: hyung

jimin: do you want to watch a movie

jimin: just jungkook, yoongi and me

namjoon: sure

after hitting send, he made his way to jimins room, already hearing their voices and the tv playing in the background. he just went in there without knocking and got greeted by the sight of jimin making little ponytails with yoongis grey hair and jungkook eating leftover pasta from dinner.

"wow, looks like you guys are having a lot of fun without me", namjoon said laughing and just laid down on the bed next to jungkook.

"its boring just with yoongi hyung, most of the time he falls asleep during the movie and thats-"

"oh shut up, its not my fault that the movies you guys choose are always so boring."

both of them laughed after yoongi jokingly hit jimins arm, which hurt not even a little bit since he isnt really the strongest.

"what movie are we even watching today?"

"probably a bad love movie which jimin found on netflix after feeling lonely and sad again"

the next second jimin just deadass jumped on jungkook and both of them tried to push the other one down on the bed. jimin gave up a bit after since its unfair because jungkook is "way stronger and hes tickling him which is fucking unfair".

namjoon just laughs and sits a little bit closer to yoongi, the older one putting his arm around joons shoulders and pulling him even closer.

"guys, come on now. if you dont want me to fall asleep during the movie, we should start now and not just in a few hours when you two decided to calm down.", yoongi murmured kinda annoyed, he would probably rather be in his bed now.

after a few minutes the movie was playing on the big tv screen and all four of them cuddled up on jungkooks big bed.

namjoon couldnt hold back a small giggle after seeing that jimin chose 'titanic' and hearing yoongi and jungkooks annoyed sigh.

to be honest, it was actually really nice. a few minutes after the movie started, taehyung decided to join them too and just snuggled between jungkook and jimin.

yoongi couldnt hold back and after a while he was softly snoring on namjoons lap with messy hair and parted lips.

the younger one of the two just caresses the older ones hair, loving the way it feels between his fingers.

"did hyung fall asleep again?", jimin asked with not even a little bit of surprise in his voice.

namjoon just nodded without saying anything, he didnt want to wake up yoongi and taehyung, whos also sleeping in jungkooks arms.

maybe now is the right time to tell them too since they are the last ones who dont know about joons little secret yet. jimin is still looking at namjoon with sleepy eyes, smiling a bit.

"jimin, jungkook, i have to tell you guys something", namjoon whispered as quiet as possible, hoping the younger boys would understand him anyways since he would rather not say it twice.

"what is it?", asks jimin, now wide awake and looking at namjoon full of curiosity.

from jungkook he just heard a tired "hm?".

"im gay", he whispers softly.

he honestly expected to be more calm now considering he came out to so many people in such a short time. but hes still nervous, his heart beating fast and waiting for a reaction he already knows will be the same as all the others before.

"not surprising, hyung"

wait, what? namjoon was confused.

"what do you mean, jungkook?"

jimin just giggles and shrugs his shoulders. jungkook told him that it isnt really that big of a surprise since hes not that stupid and knows his hyungs well. namjoon wanted him to be a little bit more clear, so he explained why he always kinda knew that joonie isnt that hetero.

"you never had a girlfriend and neither do you really talk about girls the way, for example jimin, does. and since there were never any signs that youre straight, i just assumed you arent."

namjoon just laughs and sarcastically congrats jungkook on his smart brain and his skill on finding out peoples sexuality. jimin joins in too and after a bit they all just cant stop laughing.

both, taehyung and yoongi woke up from the noise, confused and tired.

"whats going on?", yoongi said so quiet that namjoon and the others almost didnt notice.

"namjoon hyung likes boys!"

after that, the three boys just started to laugh even harder, not even knowing whats so funny about the whole situation.

but theres one thing namjoon knows for sure.

and that is that hes genuinely happy right now, feeling so good after knowing that he doesnt have to hide anymore and that hes so so loved.

--------

you can find my other stories on wattpad @ smolouis

please leave feedback!!

#pls tell me how it is :(( #namjoon 💞💞💞 #bts #jimin #taehyung #ot7 #hoseok #yoongi #seokjin #jungkook #fanfic

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTER LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 7

when will one of these chapters start with ‘wow murphy’s gonna love this and rly enjoy themself’ WHEN IT IS. I HAVE TO KNOW.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

okay i am Recognising this chapter so we’re not quite yet in untouched, completely Feral territory which is. nice. thats nice. i like it when i know what im working w/ but who the kell hnows.

Something nagged at her. A forgotten thing. She thought hard, but even so, it took a long moment for her to remember.

me when i go to my room to fetch my dishes for the washing machine but i get sidetracked by my dog being cute and then i forget and go back downstairs and remember the dishes and then i come back up but my dog is still there and i forget again-

i’m just. rly enjoying this glynda. I SAID IT BEFORE BUT IM RLY THRIVING FOR THIS IDIOT WITH ONE BRAINCELL. THE BRAINCELL IS CINDER.

Glynda’s hunting instincts were primed, the only part of her that worked with absolute clarity, even now.

this is why she hasn’t noticed cinder’s flirting, the fool, the blithering idiot,

In the split second before she faded from consciousness, she smelled ash, the foreign Aura within her flaring until she could taste it: burning flesh and steady decay. Then it disappeared, fizzling out.

hm. is it a callout to say this is. romantic. this is kinda romantic. hey is this? gay? i think its gay. im gonna settle on it.

its gay.

When she awoke the next morning, it was like pulling herself from some great void,

H👈A😎H👈

for some reason THAT was the fingergun that made me spill juice all over my keyboard i see how it is

Then she remembered that at Beacon, her blood usually stayed inside her body.

im thriving for this weird observation. you know when you wake up somewhere new like a hotel or smthng and for a moment yr like ‘where am i’ and u figure it out thru like. normal fucking means. like oh thats not my duvet oh thats not my ceiling oh thats not where my window is-

and then glynda has to judge her location by how much blood of hers is spilled in it. this bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE GOT ONE BRAINCELL AND OFFAL HUNT IS THE THESIS TO PROVE IT-

It was the room she’d all but dissembled in after getting her ass kicked and then saved by Cinder Fall.

sorry im going HOG WILD on quotes but these new lines r SO GOOD and im LIVING for them....................... like until now we’ve had glynda goodwitch, terrifying unstoppable woman and occasional dipshit. now shes all dipshit. just 100% pure dipshit. spread her on a field and you couldnt tell her from the manure. a complete buffoon.

that said its nice to see glynda using her Brainmess for once... i mean she still wont be able to put an otherwise fuck-ton of clues together still because that requires, the ability to multitask, which is surely does not have, but finally she’s taking five fuckin minutes to let herself go ‘well THATS weird’.

There had only been a stirring of life along those red-vein tattoos, swirling just along the cut of Cinder’s dress.

im enjoying the new ‘sexey tattoos’ slant we’re seein in this remaster it was a real shame they didnt get primetime attention last time.

also glynda Why Ya Lookin,

Hello,

she’d be a heretic to the Law of Semblances twice-over,

I May Not Know My Semblances, But I Know A Bitch When I See One!

For the first time in years, Glynda wanted to set everything aside and rest.

we stan a sleepy bitch................ ugh im so glad she’s finally realising she needs 2 give herself some mfing slack!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because as much as im enjoying the Dragfest she rly needs to. chill.

When she finally emerged from the bathroom, a towel around her waist and her dirty clothes balled in her hands,

look i didnt make this blog to lie that my first reaction to this was tilting my head and going ‘tiddy out? tiddy? is the tiddy out? tiddy?’

look women look hotter doing all the things guys do and this is fact i wont sit down and i Wont Shut Up

No more rushing ahead and getting herself torn up for nothing.

H👈A😎H👈!

thats a Good One, Glynda,

Winter Schnee had the pale white hair of her bloodline, and the sharp features of the famously reclusive Willow Schnee.

YES BITCH WE ARE IN IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! POP THOSE MFING BOTTLES

i have been WAITING. FOR WEEKS. 7 FUCKING WEEKS I HAVE SAT HERE AND WAITED AND IT FINALLY PAID OFF OH MY GOD MY BITCH IS IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As Ozpin had said, she was twice the age of the younger Schnee daughter, and her blue eyes held all the acuity that age had brought her.

i made a Sound at this i CAN SEE WHAT YOU DID. I SEE IT. I SEE IT,

A single photo hung on the wall next to a placard detailing some kind of award. Glynda pushed her glasses up on her nose to get a better look. Though it had the appearance of a family photo, only the women of the Schnee family were present, Willow and Weiss flanking a newly ranked Winter.

why am i being targeted directly anyway

safdjhgfsdajgh WINTER,....... im still. im Love w/ this main bitch finally... Finally.... i love winter in offal hunt so fuckign much and im so glad she’s here and that we’re getting more details because AAAAAAAAAAAAAA i love her!!!!!!!!!

also i cant.... say anything because spoilers..... but also............. NNNNNNN this convo has just. so much behind it. SO MUCH CONTEXT. its Killing Me,

A strange expression crossed Winter’s expression. It looked like how bruises felt.

im losing my fucking mind rn diesel and kc are going right to hell and they know it but do they care???????????? no. they already are the devil,

okay i went silent for ages and read ahead because i screamed in discord for like ten minutes and it looked like this

so YEAH theres that, i guess,

Instead, it only filled her with deep unease. Glynda didn't know what Cinder’s game was, but it was becoming clear that it did not align with her own. And the more she thought about it, the less she understood. The less she understood, the more wary she became.

cinder: i wanted to tell this girl i liked her so i wrote her a note that said get out of my desert,

im rly thrivin in this chap i already said it but we’re rly jumping into the meat n bones of the Plot now and its a Good Plot so im excited!!!!!!!!!

“Yes, I think you’ll like her!”

“she’s a lesbian, like you, so maybe her distinguished energy will chill your dysfunctional energies out-”

Glynda pressed her lips; she needed a delicate hand here, needed to carefully choose a response which would divert Ozpin away from the topic. “No reason.”

YES MY FAV LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is Big Me and literally this is MAYBE the best and also funniest line in this entire shitshow remembers the Pasta Bit and /sweats

i also rly enjoy glynda n ozs friendship... i mean im out here remembering the glynda/ozpin/cinder fic so i was already sold on all their interactions but its rly good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GLYNDAS BEST FRIEND MAY BE 200 YEARS OLD BUT GOD DAMN IT WHEN WILL YR BFF EVER BE THERE FOR U LIKE THAT,

theres a Bit here im not gonna go into but. honestly once u kno how offal hunt basically ends? Its Sad and Im Sad. i hate how knowing this whole thing just inflects on everything else and everything glynda wants and honestly this whole fic sucks. why am i reading this AGAIN.

“I have faith in you, Glynda. But there are terrible things that can be done to a person even without killing them.”

👈😢👈

we’ve popped the first sad fingerguns but also What The Literal Fuck, Oz,

“Come and catch me, then.”  

im LAUGHING this is much better than the first version because this is SUCH a cinder-brand of shit to say dsfjhgfds she’s SUCH A SHIT-STIRRER but i love her,

“She’s just sent me something. My Scroll is working fine, but I think it’s safe to assume she knows what we’re discussing.”

“What did she send you?”

“An invitation.”

oh finally glynda works out the whole CCT business JHGDSFSDF i wonder if cinder knew shed figure it out or saw her msgs to oz and went ‘ah shit well’

BUT YEAH..... DATE! DATE! DATE! HOT DATE WITH CINDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am. VERY excited as many of u will remember i made a prime shitpost abt That Chap back in the day and ill have 2 REDRAW IT!!!!!!!!! POPPIN BOTTLES!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway this chapter sucked and was also very good in equal measure. as it is Wont,

#rwby #offal hunt #liveblog

[clevernewdimension]

Polaris Part Three

Parts: Preview, Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four (Coming soon!)

Genre: Action, drama, romance, sci-fi, etc.

Paring: Jongin x Character

Word count: 7.0K

A/N: Warning for sexual assault and mentions of sex with minors. I know. Just so y’all know, Tribil SUCKS. I obviously do not condone this. Just warning about character past stuff.

I groaned, opening my eyes and move, trying to sit up. I look over, seeing Kyungsoo, who was currently in pants and a sweater sitting as he played a game on his Reader. He glances up, quickly closing the game and moving over. “How are you,” He asks, looking at me with cautious eyes.

“Peachy,” I say, starting to lean up. I hiss in pain, as he stands, helping me. “Thank you. For you know, saving my life and all that.”

“You’re welcome for saving your life and all that,” He says with a smile. “You’re in your room. I just traded with Jongin for a little bit to watch you and make sure you don’t accidentally rip your stitches open.”

“I can picture his pout now,” I say, wincing, holding my side.

Kyungsoo shakes his head, “Actually, he agreed immediately. You probably wouldn’t be alive if he didn’t put his hand over your wound, though I’m not going to tell him that.”

I frown, “Thank you. He’d hold it over me forever.”

“He… Lyra, Jongin hates losing people. He hates people dying, especially if he thinks there’s even a microscopic change he could have done something about it,” Kyungsoo says, pointing at my shirt, “I need to change the dressing of your wound. Lift your shirt.”

“Yes Sir,” I say, pulling it up. I didn’t know how to react to what he just told me about Jongin. For the most part he just gives off this air of confidence and pigheadedness. A lot of people tell me he isn’t like that, and, I suppose, there could be another side to the man who makes my life difficult.

“You don’t have to call me Sir,” He says, “I hate it. Well, except Baekhyun and Chanyeol. They keep picking on me, so I try to intimidate them.”

I smile, watching as he quickly and with care removes the bandage and replaces it easily. I smile at him, as he moves out the room to throw away the used bangade. Sehun slips in the door after he leaves, as he moves, sitting on my bed next to me. His beautiful face marred with red eyes and a look of sadness. “Thank you,” He says, taking my hand in his. Sehun is a very touchy person, though not with everyone. He and I are friends, but he’s never been the type to hug me or touch me like he does with his other friends.

I just smile, “Well, we can’t deny the Milky Way a chance to see your beautiful face, now can we, pretty boy?”

He just smiles, looking up. “Seriously, Lyra, I would have been dead if it wasn’t for you. I don’t know how to ever repay you.”

I smile at him, patting his shoulder. The Etherion was older than me, but somehow more… I don’t know… scared. Sehun’s greatest fear is letting those around him down. Knowing him he probably thought he let us all down by getting hit while he was flying. Stupid. I smile, it was growing more into a smirk as I just give him a smug look. “How about you finally admit you have a crush on the Phoenix Captain and we call it even, hm,” I say with a small smile.

His eyes go wide, his face flushing as he just pouts. “Shut up, Lang. That’s an order.”

“Nah,” I say with a grin. It’s been so obvious for ages. Sehun would help him with whatever he needed. Need someone to spar against? Sehun would come back bruised and grinning from ear to ear. Yixing needs someone to run an errand? Sehun would do it even if someone of his rank shouldn’t. He did whatever he could to try and help the special forces member. It was cute. I just smile at his blush as Kyungsoo opens the door, only to have Minseok following him.

Minseok smiles, moving and sitting down on Jongin’s bed. I do a little salute, “Major General, sir.”

“Stop with that,” He says, scolding me. “Lyra, thank you. For saving Sehun. I can’t… He’s like a brother to me, that kid.”

“I mean I wasn’t going to let him die,” I say, earning a laugh from Kyungsoo. The doctor lifts my shirt with ease as I lie down, wincing a bit. He peels the leftover tape off as Minseok looks over.

He hisses, “Ouch.”

Kyungsoo just nods, “The stitches look great. Let me rebandage you and you’ll be ready for dinner.”

“Cool,” I say. It was quick, and with their help, I was able to stand. The pain in my side was sharp, but I pushed through it with a hiss and multiple curses.

As Kyungsoo left the room, he looks to the side, “Jongin still asleep?”

“Sehun went to wake him,” Junmyeon says, from his position in the pilot’s seat.

I move, sitting down in the easiest seat and the end of the bench, groaning in pain as I rest against the table. I sighed, looking up to see Kyungsoo set a glass of water and some pills down for me. I smile, seeing Sehun and Jongin come from the hallway. Jongin looks up, his eyes looking over me with worry. I look at him, taking in how he looks. In sweatpants and a tanktop, hair an unruly mess. He, even if he just woke up, looked exhausted. The type of tired that settles in your bones for a while until you can finally relax a little. I look at his arm, seeing the bandage. I vaguely remember digging my nails into him. The look of absolute brokenness as he watched, glancing down at me as he did what he could to help.

“Sorry,” I say, pointing to his arm. Sure, I didn’t like the man, but having him there really helped. Being able to just hold something in the moment was better than having nothing at all to distract myself from the pain. Even if the distraction was small.

He looks confused, looking down at his arm, “Oh… No, it’s ok. If it helped that’s all that matter.”

Yixing hops over the bench, sliding into the seat next to me, placing a tablet down. “I examined Sehun’s fighter for you. Looks like the thruster on the right is almost completely done for. Probably not worth trying to repair.”

I look it over, pushing a button on the screen that makes a 3D hologram above the tablet. I spin it, looking it over. I sigh, “I’m going to have to make a whole new thruster. Fuck.”

Sehun slides into the booth, pulling Jongin down with him, who lazily followed. “Sorry,” Sehun says, grimincing.

“It’s fine,” I say, “If you want I can take one off the spare so you can use your Fighter.”

“Not like that you can’t,” Kyungsoo says, looking over his shoulder as he put oven mitts on his hands. “It’ll be three days for you to heal completely because of the Evo-DNA.”

“In three days I’ll do it then,” I say, rolling my eyes, quickly picking up the water and pill. It had an awful after taste. “If you’d like, I’m sure Chanyeol could easily move the thruster to Sehun’s Fighter. Super easy to do. Well all had to learn that.”

Chanyeol nods, giving a thumbs up. His grin is huge, “Sure can! They’re the same as bombers, but, you know, a bit smaller.”

Sehun smiles, nodding. “That would be great!”

Kyungsoo sets a bowl in front of me, a soup with some bread to the side. “Eat. You need your strength.”

Junmyeon stands, “Going on Autopilot.” He stretches, looking at us. He moves, pushing Jongin to the table as I grab my spoon. “Eat, and then get back to sleep,” He says, voice stern, but somehow still very tender.

Jongin just nods, not even arguing. Sehun told me that Jongin loves to sleep. Even if he got nightmares, he loved to sleep. I start to eat my soup, watching as each of his three brothers look over him, making sure he was ok. Jongin pouted, whining, “Just because I’m the youngest doesn’t mean to all have to baby me!”

“That’s exactly what that means,” Jongdae says, looking over with worry. “Kid, you almost get killed every time to go out and fly.”

Minseok nods, making taken a seat and eating soup from a mug. It was more like he was drinking it, which was odd. “We can’t do anything when you’re out there. We can’t help you then. So you’re going to let us take care of you when we can.”

I finish my soup as I look, seeing Jongin roll his eyes.

Kyungsoo smiles, having eaten quickly already. Yixing was the fastest eater, practically devouring his bowl in less than a minute. Something about being trained to do that, to eat quickly so he could get back to work. He was sitting next to Baekhyun, playing against him in a game of chess. The reader lying flat made a hologram of a chess board and pieces. It looked solid, hiding the reader, but it had to move on voice commands.

Baekhyun was practically ripping his hair out. He was examining the board with a frustrated gaze as Yixing was leaning against his hand, looking more bored than if he weren’t playing. Chanyeol and Junmyeon both moving the thruster from the other fighter over. From what I hear, it’s going well. Jongin was drawing something on his tablet, Kyungsoo looking over once in a while as he was cleaning his laser pistol.

“Ummm… Oh! Knight to E5,” He says, grinning. The piece moves, flickering as the knight piece turns, using its hind legs to kick Yixing’s queen in the face. Baekhyun smiles, looking at Yixing with a look of huge satisfaction. “Good luck! Today I win!”

Yixing, looking unbothered, as he just muttered, “Rook to F7. Checkmate.”

Baekhyun’s mouth falls as he looks, watching as the castle piece goes to his king, ramming it into pieces. “I… what the fuck?”

“Your king was hidden by your knight. I’ve had that rook there waiting to take it when you finally moved it for five moves,” Yixing says, the smallest of smiles on his face.

Baekhyun just let out a loud yell of a curse. Kyungsoo glared at him, rolling his eyes. I laugh, watching as Yixing just pats Baekhyun’s shoulder.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says, “You can go back to your room, Jongin. Lyra should be fine unless she decides to do yoga or something.”

Jongin nods, “Alright,” He says, before getting back to his drawing.

I sign, getting up, “I think I’m going to go to sleep, actually. I’m oddly exhausted.”

“Being in pain is very tiring,” Kyungsoo says. “The more rest you get the quicker you’ll feel.”

I look at everyone, “Make sure they don’t completely fuck up the thruster, yeah?”

Jongin gives me a thumbs up, “Trust me, Sehun won’t let that happen.”

I smile, moving and slowly shuffling back to my bed. Sitting down was hard, but the softness of the mattress was wonderful. It was like being on a cloud. I close my eyes, trying to calm down and rest. My memories won’t leave me be, seeing the Kryton again. I haven’t seen one that close ever. The closest they’ve gotten to me was over 10 feet. The worst part was the smell. I thought it was awful before, but, as it turns out, it was worse up close.

I hear the door open as I close my eyes, attempting to pretend to be sleeping. I open my eyes a little bit, to peek out. Jongin sits on his bed, setting his bag on the ground. He sighs, looking back at the picture he put on the wall. The frown grows for a moment, before he sets his reader on the bedside desk. From his bag he takes a pen like thing, clicking it on. He takes something else, a glove, pulling it on. It was the same color as the pen, a black, with chip like things on the fingertips.

He presses it to the wall, moving it and leaving a strand of light in its way. It looked like neon, as he uses the glove touching it. From a menu, he turns the brightness down as changes the color. I was mesmerized, watching him as his pen glides. He changes the colors, carefully placing every line. Soon, it was a face, as he starts to carve out the details. Making the nose the perfect shape, using a very light white for the hair. He spent a long time perfecting it. When he finally moves away for a second, I see the face, clear as day.

She had white hair, bright purple eyes. Her lips were in a smile, looking happy and full of joy. Her lips… they looked like Jongin’s. It clicked. The woman he drew was his mother. They looked so alike. She looked beautiful, as he used the glove to make it smaller, pinching it between two fingers and moving it along the wall, some place where he could see it.

They had the same eyes. The same lips. All of the Kim’s had the same eyes, but apparently the youngest was graced with more of their mother’s features. One thing I couldn’t help but to notice is how… carefree she looked. People as happy as her are usually not involved with the Syndicate at all.

Jongin lets out a loud yawn, before pulling his tank top over his head and tossing it over into his dirty clothes basket. He was under the covers quickly, turning the light off from the bed as he turns, having the wall.

It’s weird, seeing someone who’s such an obnoxious ass be… well, not like an obnoxious ass. He’s backed off, not asking me or taunting me for my mistake. It was confusing. I can’t help but wonder more about him. There’s more to him then just what’s on the surface. Wondering more about him and the woman he drew, my eyes fluttered closed.

The next two weeks went by in a blur after I was allowed to work again. The thruster was built in record time as I threw myself back into work. Then came fixing a few minor dings and such in the metal outer shell. Sehun took the job of painting it himself, as most Fighter pilots do.  The weirdest thing was Jongin not really speaking with me. When he does, it’s one or two words. Granted this is what I wanted for ages, but for it to happen, it feels like something is wrong.

We are expected to get to Ysimir in a few moments, Baekhyun already telling them over comms of out impending arrival. The president, an Etherion by the name of Histor Yssa, told us that he welcomes us and will provide rooms for our stay. He also mentioned General Kim, and how delighted he was to help not only the Syndicate, but the sons of his friend. I could see each of the brothers tense at that, which I found odd but decided not to comment.

“Have you ever been to Ysimir,” Chanyeol asks, watching as we approach the planet. I know a little of the planet. It was mostly purple, as that was the color of the acidic seas there. They’ve managed to turn some of the lakes into fresh and salt water, man made and natural. It allows for some fish from other planets to be shipped over.

“No,” I say, shaking my head, “But I’ve heard some… unsavory things.”

Jongdae laughs, “I assume it’s the saying? Wystria is the planet of love, Ysimir the one of sin?” He says, wearing the same uniform as the other higher in command. The metals on his jacket, a few from fighting but most from fighting for justice in the courtroom. Draping from his shoulder to below the arm was a piece of purple ribbon, noting that he was of the Justice branch. Minseok’s was silver, since he was the commander of EXO Prime. Junmyeon’s was a light blue, same as Beakhyun. Yixing’s was black with single red line through the middle. His suit was covered in metals from his many battles. Kyungsoo’s was green for a medical officer. Jongin and Sehun’s were red, noting that they are Fighter pilots.

Since they are all higher ranks, they wear formal uniforms like that. Chanyeol and I do not have to. We wore our usual underclothes. Pants that are dark blue with a lot of pockets and a simple dark blue jacket of the same material. Under we both wore sleeveless shirts, as they get in the way when you’re working.

On all of our chests were name tags. They were screens, which said out name and would shimmer, changing the letter to say our ranks. It was made into the clothes. Some are even made in clothes for design to shimmer and with moving patterns. They’re costly, which explains my lack of any, but they are really awesome.

We land, letting the door open as we walkout. The air heavily scented with all the flowers that are around. The place we landed had the sea behind us, the purple acid lapping at the force wall that protected the rock. There were some things in the air sailing, people having fun and over by a pool which reaches just a few meters to the left. People from all over the galaxies come here, some are even rich enough to live here. The leaves on the trees are even floral scented. It was like a light, pleasant perfume. Nothing too strong, but just perfect. The music was hypnotic, the building closest to us the metal base. Small, about a hundred times smaller than the one on EXO Prime. To the left was a glittering massive building. It spiraled up in golden spears, like it was reaching for the sky.

“Wow,” I mutter, looking around with my eyes wide.

“You act like you’ve never seen a place like this,” Chanyeol says, smiling broadly.

I shake my head, looking over at him. I see a few people in out group looking over, probably more curious. Jongin does, keeping quiet with no biting remarks for once. “All I’ve ever seen besides space stations is EXO Prime and Tribil.”

Chanyeol nods, smile falling. He pats my back, “No wonder. This place is the exact opposite of Tribil from what I hear.”

He’s right. Tribil was a desolate wasteland where you’re more likely to starve than anything else. All the higher up government officials and rich gold and Quantinium miners are taking all the credits for themselves. The only ways to earn some money are few and far between. One way to make a living is to either run errands for a little that, if you save three days could feed you two meals. Not two days. Two meals. Mostly of bread and dehydrated meat. The other is work in the mines. They’ll feed you and shelter you, but you live in a small house with thirty other people and the food is rationed out. They keep you just fed enough to work but not enough to revolt.

The last way is to sell yourself. If you’re pretty, someone will find a use for you, so long as you stay pretty. Then they will throw you away and you’ll be left to die. Tribil’s laws are awful. Through some loophole they manage to not have to follow the standard Syndicate laws for planets under our protection. That’s not to say sex work is illegal, just safer and… well, usually doesn’t include minors. The Syndicate’s hands are tied, since they need the Quantinum in order to create our forcefields and walls. Since Tribil sells half of what they mine to the Syndicate at a forty percent discount, they don’t want to anger them either.

Yixing’s face get’s a hint of anger on it at the mention of our shared home. Something tells me it wasn’t a fond time for him, either.

That we have in common. Tribil killed the only family I had. I was an orphan, but, growing up, there was someone like a brother to me. He was four years older than me and, in order to survive, he went to the mines. He’d save up the few credits they would get and send it to me. Then, he was killed. Mining accident. Quantinum is very dangerous and explosions are very common.

After that, I was starving and hungry. I’d do odd jobs for people. Every now and then I’d find myself in a fancy hotel on my back, letting someone have their way with me. I didn’t like to think about it, since I was very young. They were rare times, and I was happy when I was accepted into the Syndicate so I could put those days behind me.

I was pulled out of my thoughts from an elbow to the side from Chanyeol. A man in a suit that shimmered like a night sky, his white hair pushed back as his one purple eye glitter. The other was replaced with a robotic one. This eyes are rimmed in black and his lips covered with a deep shade of red. He smiles, smoking a cigar holding a glass out in a cheers motion. The bubbling liquid was a light pink with some fruit pieces. He laughed, “Hello Major General Minseok! I’ve heard a lot about you!”

Minseok steps forward, nodding and shaking his hand. While Ysimir isn’t Syndicate controlled, they allow the Syndicate to have a base here in order to refuel and fix any minor damages. In return, the planets near keep the Krytons away from here and, if they are attacked, the Syndicate quickly responds.

“You look so much like your father,” Histor Yssa says, “Old fuck. One day I’ll convince him to take that stick out of his ass!”

Minseok smirks, nodding, “If you manage it, I will buy your drinks for life!”

Histor lets out a belly aching laugh, putting his arm over Minseok’s shoulder, “So, please, introduce me to this collective you’ve brought with you. Obviously I can tell your brothers, but, since we’ve never met…”

Minseok gestures, “Brigadier General Kim Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon nods, shaking his hand and bowing a little, “Pleasure to meet you, president.”

And it went down the line until he got to Sehun, who was standing next to me. Histor smiles, “One of my own! How much?”

“Half,” Sehun says, nodding. Etherions are always curious about how ‘pure’ the blood is. They, for the most part, are never ‘pure’ anymore. Their planet was taken over a hundred years back by their neighbors. They killed half and then enslaved the rest. Twenty years ago The Syndicate helped the Etherion people take it back. Now it is a melting pot of all different types of people. It’s still recovering from that time under the Victris rule. Half Etherion is the most people ever are, anymore, and they are rare to find. It makes him a little uncomfortable, and for obvious reasons, but that’s how his people are, anymore.

The president’s eyes are wide, “My, it’s rare to see someone so pure!” He says, placing a hand on Sehun’s shoulder, “I’m only a third myself, thankfully my mother was beautiful for a human!”

Sehun just nods, looking cool and calm as the president's eyes look to me.

“Master Sergeant Lyra Lang,” I say, shaking his hand. He smiles, looking me over

“Mrs. Lang, may I ask what it is you do,” He says, taking a sip from his drink after moving his cigar for a moment. His eyes went along my body, which was hard for me not to make a comment about. Etherions, for the most part, are obsessed with beauty and bloodlines.

“I’m the Fighter mechanic,” I say, nodding. Something about him makes me feel a bit weird, but it could be because I’ve never met someone so… ostentatious.

He grins, “Wonderful! I was wondering why you looked so strong!” Before I could say anything he polishes off his drink, handing it to one of the people behind him. “If you would follow Klause, he would show you all to your sweets! We’ve got you staying at the best hotel on the planet,” He says, before bowing, “I must get back to work, but rest assured I will meet you all for dinner!”

The ride to the building was quick. The rest of the city was in the valley below, looking just like jewels surrounded by lush foliage. A large waterfall of acid to the side, which goes through a machine about a fourth of the way down that turned it into water. I look back, seeing the huge hotel. So, we were there, Aurora. Hotel and casino. There are a few from where I come from, but only people who are filthy rich or those who are offering their services are allowed. I walk along, looking around. Tanks filled with sea creatures I’ve never seen before, bright lights and pieces of art that looked magnificent. The floor marble as we walked though. People lining up at betting stations, watching sporting events from all over with anticipation and excitement. I could hear people celebrating in the casino as we pass.  People dressed just like the President. The suits and dresses all with moving patterns of every color. Soon, we’re led to an elevator.

“A whole floor was given to you for your use,” The voice says of the man who led us as the door opens. Klause was tall, his skin a pale orange. He was very human like, save for his eyes, which are reptilian and his tongue, which was thin and forked. He bows, “Choose whatever room you like. Room service is for free for you all. Dinner with President Yssa scheduled at 19 hundred hours, which is in ten hours. Until then you may spend your time however you wish.”

I nod, before moving and picking the closest room to my right. The walls were a lovely shade of light blue. The decor was very… royal, I suppose. Looking like it was fit for a queen. It was a large room. Living room and small kitchen. The bedroom was huge, the bed looking inviting.I open the door to the bathroom, peeking in. A smile, seeing the tub. It’ll be nice to have a relaxing bath. I nod to myself setting my bag down and sigh, falling into bed. I smile, letting out a little laugh as I move, setting my reader to 19 hundred hours Ysimir time. Quickly I take of my boots and throwing my coat onto the chair to the side.This place is known for their late night dinners and their twenty two hour days, I learned having read up on it a little before we got here.

A few moments later, I hear a knock at my door.

I move with a groan, getting up and moving. They knocked again, “I’m coming!”

I throw the door open, before being pushed inside and having the door closed. I didn’t even get a look at the person’s face before they were inside, looking down. Yixing stares at me, before grabbing my wrist and shining a green light down on my skin.

The Tribian triangle mark on my skin glowed. The old tattoo like thing I got when I was nine. There were small roses on either side of the tattoo, along with the Tribian letter which stood for the common letter A. For approved. I pull my wrist back, glaring. No one on any other planet has those lights but Tribians. Only we know about the ‘tattoos’. It’s not a thing we like to talk about. They use the lights to to check people, see if they are an approved sex worker. If you’re not approved, you’ll be rejected by everyone. It costs nothing, all you have to do is be checked to make sure you’re not carrying any diseases. Once a week you get checked if you perform services everyday, but I went about once a month.

The truth was, they are not tattoos. They’re small nano technology embedded into the skin designed to be hidden. It makes us do whatever someone commands of us if they have the Master one. The triangle with a crown and the Tribian letter for M. So long as someone has that mark, we are powerless. When you are hungry, you’ll do anything.

Yixing’s eyes were wide, his hands shaking. He looks up, his eyes holding anger. They started to swell with tears, “How old?”

I look down, before looking back at him with a glare, shoving him. “Why the fuck should I tell you?!”

He pushes his sleeve up, shining the light on his wrist. The same glowing design. “I was six,” He says, the tears of anger slipping down his face. “I remember seeing you… then man who… the one who liked me wanted a new one. A younger one. He cut it off with me and found someone else.” He says, his voice eerily calm. Yixing looked at me, “Sir Ulysl.”

I looked up, my eyes wide. “He… he was the first I ever… I was nine.”

Yixing sighs, taking a moment to wipe his eyes. He looks back to me. “I’m sorry. For doing this. For not asking. I know it’s a sensitive subject.”

“I had to,” I say, shrugging. “It’s wrong, but everything is wrong on Tribil. You know how it is. You do what you have to in order to live.”

I could see the anger held back in his posture. He was tense, glaring at the ground like it killed someone precious to him. It’s something that’s in all of us, the poor Tribians. An unrelenting anger when we think about the past. About how people are still being used like that. Yixing looks up, eyes meeting mine. “I saw Rhys in the casino,” He mutters, looking up. “He will probably be at our dinner tonight. How would the President not invite oldest member of the Tribian monarchy to dinner, after all?”

Those words take my breath away. I remember times, in the highest room of the largest building. Iscar Rhys, the then king of Tribil. My willingness to do whatever he wanted because the pain in my stomach was getting unbearable. Whatever he wanted, I did. At different times in my life. Starting when I was nine. I remember him saying he wanted to teach us how he liked it. My stomach feeling uneasy, thinking about how a man in his mid thirties acted like what he was doing to a nine year old was normal.

“What made you want to tell me that,” I ask, trying not to give away how awful that name made me felt.

“I was one of the highest requested, Lyra… and he only asked for me twice,” He says. “All of the professional ones, we talk. Mostly about how much we hated all the people we were fucking. We see every single one of the people who only did it sometimes, making bets if they were ever going to go full time,” He explains, leaning against the wall. “As long as we had one who was sweet on us they’d give us a place to stay and all the food we could eat. They have grand feasts and not even half would be eaten. So it would be given to us.” He looks up, “I saw you, a couple times. He would always come and get you when you were young.”

I glare at him, “If you say anything-”

“That’s why I told you,” He says, looking up, “No one knows. If I tell, you tell. Insurance, such is the Tribian way.”

I sigh, looking up at Yixing. The strong Phoenix special ops captain, so strong and deadly, looks as if his heart has been ripped out. Like, for a moment, he’s an empty shell of a person who barely exists. Such is the way of Tribil. Ripping people apart and leaving them to wither away.

Yixing pats me on the shoulder, looking up, “If he is at dinner, it’s you and me. We stick by one another to avoid him. Tribil’s ways are not well received. They’re not spoken about. He won’t say anything unless he gets one of us alone.”

I nod, putting my hand on his shoulder too.

As he left, I couldn’t help but feel gross. I move to the bathroom, filling the tub. I wanted to just melt away, forget about everything for a moment. I pour in some of the bubble bath. I undress, getting in and trying to let my mind rest from the bomb that was dropped on me. When I tried out for the Syndicate, I had to prove I could be useful. I was terrified I would fail and be left to rot on a desert city forever. Forgotten. Thankfully they saw the potential and the drive I had. I was petrified of failing. I couldn’t fail.

The Syndicate saved me from a life of screwing people for money and, when that ended, starving to death. When people say that the food is awful somewhere, I can’t help but think about how it’s better than the constant pain from hunger. After a while of soaking, a few hours if my prune like fingers and toes were any indication, I got out and dressed. A message on my phone told me that the ‘dress code was casual’ according to Sehun.

I put on my clothes, wearing my jeans and a sleeveless top. Put my hair up, looking at my reflection. I forgo the make up, no matter how minimal I wear it, I don’t want to draw attention to myself. I mentally try to prepare myself for what was about to come.

I was working on autopilot, practically. Everyone was around but I was just following them. I was looking, on guard, searching.

And then I saw him.

He’s in his late forties, looking more casual than he ever did before. I was use to seeing him in his fully regal attire. His flack hair was greying. His face still clean shaved. His skin still the same pale almost white. The Jurist blood in his veins making his eyes black with a blue iris. He looks over, in a fancy suit that would have on the legs and arms had flowers and vines growing and blooming. He looked over everyone and I could see his eyes widen slightly when he recognizes Yixing to my right. I feel Yixing’s hand on my arm, holding steady. His eyes move, looking and spotting me.

The small smile that grew made me want to punch him. I wanted to make him hurt physically the same way he made me feel emotionally. I wanted to take that glass and smash it across his face. He look over, speaking with Minseok as I was blinded by my rage. He looked down the line, before, like it was clear and there was no other sounds. He looks at me, smiling, showing off his perfect fucking teeth and his perfect smile.

“Who are you, my dear,” He asks, though I could see it. The devious look in his eyes as he patiently waits for me to act on what he wants.

“Lyra Lang,” Yixing says beside me, his voice curt and to the point.

“It’s nice to meet you,” He says.

We were ushered into the next room, and, as I passed by, there were two tiny words he muttered that made me feel uneasy and on edge all over again.

“Hello again, Little Lyra,” He mutters, the smirk on his face grew, his eyes kept on me as I walked to my seat.

I was furious. My blood might as well be boiling as I say down and looked, trying to avoid his gaze. I look around, finally taking the time to see the room we’re in. The walls covered in screens, projecting lush wildlife like the jungles in the valley. I was trying to calm myself as small talk was made.

I just glare at him now.

The dinner went by in a breeze. He’d make comments towards Yixing and myself, and we’d answer curtly. Surely all of our compatriots were noticing how we were acting.

The food was probably delicious, but I wasn’t paying attention. I would look around, noticing Yixing glaring. Sehun was looking at the both of us with a questioning look, and Jongin was curious, whispering to Yixing as he sat next to him. Everyone was catching onto the fact that Yixing and I were not comfortable at all here.

President Yssa smiles, “And now dessert!”

“I’m actually full,” I say, not thinking I can stomach it. I already said something to Yixing, and he was fine with my leaving early. He’d stick by someone he trusts so he won’t be cornered alone. I stand, bowing, “Thank you for the meal and your hospitality. I’m actually really tired, so I think I’m going to go to bed early.”

I turned, leaving the room before anyone could say something.

Truthfully, I was walking in the garden here instead. A huge glass house full of flowers from all over the galaxy. I see a Tribil black rose, the only thing that can withstand our desert conditions. I took a deep breath, letting out a shaky sigh.

“Little Lyra,” A voice says right behind me, hands on my hips. I turn, about to shove him away from me before he just mutters one word.

“Stop.”

My body freezes all on it’s own. I fought it, trying to move. He just smiles, shaking his head.

“You've become bitter, my little Lyra,” He says, “Calm down. Lower your arm.”

I do as he says, my eyes filling with tears of rage.

“I was so shocked to see you,” He says, smiling, “My beautiful little flower has flourished.” he smiles, placing his hand on my face, caressing my cheek. “I was so disappointed when you left for the Syndicate.”

“Get away from me,” I say, glaring at him.

He smiles, “Show me your wrists.”

I show them to him, even as I fight against it. The powerless feeling making me more and more scared. Before, I did it because I was starving. I was desperate. It didn’t matter what he wanted from me as long as I could eat.

He takes a small little thing from his pocket, shining the light down on my wrist. He smiles, “Just as beautiful. The best invention in Tribil history, wouldn’t you say so?”

“What is that on her wrist,” I hear a voice ask.

I look past Rhys, feeling elated to see Jongin standing there. He was dressed casually, walking up and seeing the symbol on my wrist.

I wanted to scream at him what it was, but for every Tribil who leaves, we’re told never to talk about it. That’s why no one knows what does on in Tribil. The Syndicate knows of whispers, but no actual proof.

Jongin looks me in the eyes, seeing the distress in them. He smiles, looking at Rhys. “I’m sorry, I hope she didn’t bother you. I was coming out here to check on her because I know long flights make her a little uneasy,” He says, moving close to me as Rhys turns off the light and puts it back into his pocket. Jongin places his arm around me, pulling me into a hug. “I was so worried about you, babe. Are you sure you’re ok?”

“J-just feeling a little sick,” I say.

Jongin nods, “I think I better help my girlfriend to her room. Thank you for coming and checking on her, though.”

Rhys nods, using his charm to hide his true feelings just as Jongin was doing. “I might not be king anymore but I still worry.”

Jongin pulls me with him, “Goodnight, your majesty!”

We walk, our shows making noise on the marble flooring. Once we get to the elevator, Jongin looks at me. “What is going on,” He asks, looking alarmed. “You left, and then he left. Yixing told me to go after the both of you because if he did he would have killed him.”

“I can’t tell you,” I say, leaning against the wall.

“Yes, Lyra, you can. Spit it out,” He says, rolling his eyes.

“Jongin, I really can’t! I want to but I can’t,” I says, shaking my head as tears fell from my eyes. “You’ve heard it. The saying. ‘Seekers of the Secret are met with thorns’.”

“What was that mark,” He asks, looking at my wrist. “I’ve never seen it. There’s nothing about a tattoo on your file.”

I want to open my mouth and scream, but I can’t.

Jongin sighs, running a hand through his hair. The glowing of the blue lights in the elevator making him look sadder, in a way. “I just want to help you.”

“I know,” I say, shaking my head. “All I can say is… think along the lines of our biggest export.”

“Quantum,” He says, nodding. “So… it’s a type of tech?”

I remain silent as I see him trying to search for clues. I take the time to look over him, seeing him in jeans and a tight black tee. His hair a little wet, slowly drying through dinner. His purple irises looking at me, trying to uncover the secret I wasn’t telling. I want to tell him everything but I can’t. He nods as the elevator opens.

“My room is the one to the right of yours,” He says, “When you decide you trust me, I’ll be waiting.” Jongin looks sad, his eyes which are normally full of joy now dull.

Watching him go and close the door behind him was excruciating. Knowing he thinks I’m not just saying it to him. This I would scream at everyone if I could.

But I can’t.

I just have to hope he asks around about the clue I gave him.

#exo fanfiction #exo scenarios #exo imagine #exo fanfic #kai fanfic #kai fanfiction #jongin fanfic #jongin fanfiction

[ocean-butch]

How is cas different from ur other girlfriends

akcjwjxia i had to wait like SIX HOURS to answer this bc of a goddamn test i had bUT OH BOY ANON AM I GONNA LOVE DOING IT alfjadjsk i just love talking about my gf i love her so much i wanna gush about her 25/8

the short answer would be basically in every way bUt imma do it part by part.

okay so, in a simplified version i’ve had relationships with people whose personalities worked well with me but who were shitty girlfriends or a good girlfriend who just didnt really fit with my personality. i’ve actually given that so much thought even before i met cass, but the point is that i met her and she was just perfect for me in both ways (technically its more complicated bc theres a bunch of logic into this that im not explaining bc my mind is weird and it would be Way too long but anyways). but ok let get into How she fits me perfectly.

first of all literally no one ever in my entire life has made me laugh as easily and genuinely as she does. im not even exaggerating, like laughing was never really A Thing for me to look for in girls bc it just never happened???? like i had fun conversations and stuff but there was never anyone that made me go “holy shit i have never laughed this much with anyone else” and we have So many inside jokes, which is a thing that i almost never have????? and i always used to wish i did bc everyone would talk about it and i’d feel like i just wasnt funny and That was the problem. and also this is really important bc its one of the things that made me realize that i liked (and eventually, came to love) her. bUT its not the only one so theres also like all these things that we like and we can talk about for HOURS like i remember when i watched infinity war and the first thing i did when i got home was call her and we talked about it for like 2 hours idek but it was great. the point is, we have a bunch of shared interests (which isnt like 100% necessary but its still really nice), wHICH LEADS ME TO: her music taste is amazing and i love that so much bc i love music With My Entire Soul and its the best thing in the fucking world (after cass & my friends and tied with the ocean) but yeah thats great too. AND i think more importantly than the last 2 things is that she is literally so fucking easy to talk to. like ever since the beginning we didnt really have that awkward phase where we run out of things to talk about and the conversation keeps dying like we never had that it just flowed so well and that was such a good feeling. another thing is also how comfortable i feel talking to her.

like i have never felt this way with any of my girlfriends bc i was always scared that i was gonna be annoying or say something Wrong and they’d start to realize i sucked and then break up with me, but shes just so kind and idk she just has this way about her that makes me feel at home and its always been there like i dont believe in love at first sight or anything like that but i swear to god the day after i met her i already felt like i could tell her anything and that was such a comforting thing and i needed that so badly at the time. i dont feel like i was able to describe this aspect very well tbh like im not doing it justice. like, she makes me feel like im not annoying at all, and like i could just randomly start ranting about anything and she would be like super invested in it, and just literally so comfortable in every sense of the word. she is my home, no ifs ands or buts, i just feel it every single time that we talk or that i simply think about her, and i have never felt this so clearly with anyone. and i think this comfort i feel with her is kinda connected with how she has always made me felt so appreciated, in a way that no one has ever done. like, i had like 2 tags about my wants and needs in a relationship, there was “my dream girl” to remind me that i shouldnt settle for anyone after i got out of a rlly bad relationship, and there was “things i wish someone would tell me” after my “first” relationship (i dont really count it bc Officially™ we only dated for a week) because my gf at the time would almost never be affectionate with me and it made me really insecure so i started that tag as a way to vent kinda. anyways my point is that i made those tags bc i would always feel super anxious in my relationships bc i never really felt loved or even wanted (aka the good personalities awful gfs relationships) i just felt like a burden and it was such a big thing for me.

okay now i’ll say that there Kinda was an exception to this before cass, because it would be unfair to say that that relationship was detrimental to my mental health, but it was still different. like, that ex did make me feel wanted most times, but not only did i still have A Lot of insecurities about the whole thing bc of some things she would say and do or not say and not do and i’d get like super uncomfortable or just sad really but also bc whenever the conversation would start to die out i was Absolutely Certain that she was gonna break up with me. it was pretty bad im not even joking. and like ofc my anxiety isnt her fault OR responsibility and like sure i still get anxious about cass sometimes but its not like that its basically just when she doesnt answer for a long time i think that something bad might have happened but even when my rude ass brain does try to tell me that she doesnt love me i KNOW that its not true, and that is a kind of peace that i have never ever had before. but anyways, so that was the good gf whose personality didnt fit mine and its weird now bc that is so obvious but i really didnt wanna believe it at the time even though i knew it wasnt gonna work out, but now its just really weird ngl (but i wont get into the why).

and now cass. wow okay let me tell you about cass. she is perfection. she is literally everything i have ever wanted AND things i didnt even know i wanted. she is everything no one else ever was and i just remembered that when we started dating in may i said that exact same sentence to abby. its just so true, she really is everything that no one else could be. because theyre not her. i’ve said this a lot of times but i really dont see how i could ever love anyone else after loving her, it just doesnt make sense to me because she really is like,, as good as it gets. there is no one better than her for me. we’re literally meant to be i s2g like when we broke up for a while i would tell everyone i wasnt really trying to move on at all bc i just hoped she would come back to me and i couldnt miss that chance. i knew she was my soulmate, although at some points i lost almost all hope (but never all) and i started thinking that maybe she was the love of my life but i wasnt the love of hers. and thats bc she really is everything ive ever dreamed of like she has all these little things that she does or say that sometimes wouldnt even mean anything to other people but to me they are So important bc theyre things ive dreamed about while my ex girlfriends ignored me akcjsjxn like, i was talking about how comfortable she feels to me and a big part of that comes from little things like the fact that even when we were just friends she would spam me when i was gone for a long time and that not only made me feel missed and appreciated but also it meant i could do that to her and it wouldnt be annoying bc she felt the same!! like, she missed me too! and me knowing that she actually Wanted to talk to me and the fact that she actually showed me she cared was super great when we started dating bc it made me feel like if i was feeling sad or insecure, i could literally just ask her to be a little more affectionate and it wouldnt feel fake bc i actually knew she cared. and you have No idea how much that meant to me bc i literally didnt know it was possible for me to feel that way. like honestly i thought it was an innate aspect of who i am that like if i asked for affection it would be meaningless? bc i’d be lowkey forcing the person to say something? but with her it felt different bc we had enough intimacy for me to feel comfortable enough to do that.

HOWEVER i never actually Had to do that bc i got insecure exactly once (1) on the first night we started dating back in may bc i didnt know how much she liked me and i was like in love with her so i thought she would think i was too much and then i told her i was sad and that i was gonna sleep and the next day when i woke up she said something along the lines of “how are you babe bc i remember you said you were sad last night and i couldnt stop thinking about it bc i want you to feel good all the time” and thats something so small but wow it just meant so much to me bc i would cry and beg any fucking force in the universe to make my last ex do Anything At All to try to make me Not Sad and it would be awful and i would feel so so unloved and then cass just said that and something clicked in me and i never doubted her feelings to an actual Meaningful extent while we’ve been together anymore (like ofc i get insecure sometimes and especially when we broke up, but while we have been dating ive never gotten like actually Sad™ specifically bc i wasnt sure she liked me) but it gets even better because some of the things she does are so so special that i never even imagined them like shes literally unreal, i literally never thought someone like her existed and its just so wild to me that i get to be with her.

and i know im saying a bunch of cliches but i mean it all so much like i remember when i was dating one of my exes i was learning her first language but she didnt try to learn mine and i really wished she would bc i just always loved the idea that someone would do that for me?? (and she was like the good gf so yknow,, just how that relationship literally did Not even compare to cass) and guess what yes cass is learning portuguese and its the cutest thing ever btw bUt the point is she does all the little things ive ever wanted in a partner (i literally have a post with a list of things i appreciate in a partner and she does all of them!! well, the ones that arent like irl or smth) also i literally have a draft in this blog that is a list of cute things cass has done/said that means a lot to me personally but i didnt post it yet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and like theres just so so many things that i havent talked about, like how im not even sure if i was ever in love with anyone of them anymore because what i feel for cass is just so different and so much more, or like how cass actually makes me want to try to get better, which ive never actually wanted before bc it always seemed to scary, like she literally makes me wanna be not only alive but also happy bc she makes me feel like i deserve it. she has been such a good influence on me and my mental health and thats so important and its the first time someone has been this good for me.

but anyways the point is that cass is right for me in every single way like she really is my other half she literally just is everything that she is and thats how shes different from my ex girlfriends.

#according to my girlfriend i spent over 2 hours writing this #AltHouGh #she DID distract me a few times bc she was being cute #and i love her #wow i love her #i know anon is definitely not gonna read this but my girl will alhajska #mine #answered #anon #luna

[theday]

tagged by @ikyh and @younghyuuns ill be doing both sets !! :D thank you both for tagging me!! this got long so yall dont hav 2 read <3

ru?? rushee’s set!! me: wow ru does not sound like rushee at all ? djsjdhhjd im dumb but i realize now

i. do u believe in astrology? whats ur sign and do u line up with the features usually attributed to it?

fucc... i guess i do ;-0...... and yeah i think?????? like they say capricorns are cold bitches and funny nd im like ya thats me... but they also say we’re hard workers and im like uh.. dont know abt that karen !

ii. what’s ur favorite pair of socks?

bbbbbbb..... socks huh...... i guess my ankle ones? there are also socks that have actual designs on them and those r usually thicker.. keep my feets safe! most of them have pkmn designs bc.. yeah... love the poke mans

iii. what’s a food that reminds you of a specific moment/memory?

i could think of anythiing and get reminded of one situation if that makes sense.. but i thought of pineapple..pizza... anyway the memory isnt anythngn special its just me staring at my delicious hawaiian pizza..... at my favourite pizza place.... love that shit

iv. what’s the longest you’ve gone without sleeping?

i dont have the actual hours but the latest ive stayed up.. like willingly would be until 2am

v. how has ur taste in music changed throughout ur life?

went from 1d to 5so/s + other bands to utaite.... they cover vocaloid songs ig i never kno how2 explain what utaites r then 2 kpop.. but i still listen 2 bands + kpop and utaites.... so nothing much has changed ive just gone broader.. wider... expanded my tastes... 

vi. who’s ur fashion icon?

oh definitely kim wonpil

vii. what’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done without realizing?

i breathe dumbass particles.. i cant think of one bc my brain probably blocked off all access to my horrifying past but ive been thinking abt how i used 2 send the boy i used 2 like 1d songs....................... 12 y/o old me rly thought. he’d listen.... 12 y/o me thought spamming him was a good idea glad ive learnt from that! 

viii. what’s something you want to brag about?

my grades but it didnt get me into psychology so nvm ! its still good though i didnt expect to get an A1 (hghest grade) for combined humanities since ive had a B my whole life without it i wouldnt be able to move on education wise lmao so thank god for that thanks cambridge thanks bell curve sunbaenim 

ix. when you imagine urself being happy in the future, where exactly are you (like the location!)?

oh definitely an apartment somewhere where its always windy and the curtains are always Moving and the sun just Shines in the room but its not that hot either its just full of warmth and yeah thats the dream maybe also walks in the park without having 2 worry abt sweating my pits out u kno! tldr anywhere but here

x. what’s something you’ve always wanted to own?

let me Think.... i dont need a lot/?? but id love hm.............. i want stability but realistically i want all the hh pcs from the code albums. 

xi. how’ve you been lately?

good good! i finished my *** fic and its. im proud of it though i know its not that good nd i can do better but its done ! and hm i could be going to see mx but asking my mum is stressing me out speaking of her she wont stop Coughing and she refuses to see the doctor ;-/ love those sleepless nights ! other than that i just want 2 get out and feel the sun ???/ wanna get out of this house yea but i need to be.. shady with my money i cant get a job because school is starting in a month and im going overseas again sometime next month so ! no ones gonna hire someone who can only work for 2 weeks at most dhzjhhs shouldve worked when i had the time dumbasses only

ok now falen

1. what’s been on your mind??

hm redacted feeling towards my mum but i cant say them bc itd be insensitive 

2. what are you looking forward to? 

mx? possibly but also finishing my enrolment papers

3. story time!: how and when did you get into day6!!!!!

fuck...... listen up LADS. 

ive told the same story like 10 times but im never gonna get tired of saying this shit bc i love miss boxy so much nd she deserves the appreciation anywy she introduced me 2 day6 after i saw this one (1) picture of brian in minion glasses and instantly i knew in that Fucking moment thatd id die for him. so i asked for the name of my murderer and was introduced to day6 whom frankly id never heard of b4 bdjhjh she sent me all their mvs and i still remember the night . i remember walking out of this japanese restaurant, twitter open, chat wiht boxy there and i was like.. interesting ill go listen when im home so i Did! and my mind was blown away bitch? i honest 2 god expected them to be a boy group,,, dancing and shit yknow? i didnt know k bands existed ! so as a previous 5/sos stan i was like wow. this??? this shit is 10/10 a fucking BANGER thats what i felt listening 2 i smile and just going :O over the fucking instruments so idk if how can i say was the last or second song but Damn. .. it made me scream thanks mister j** he rly dragged me by the collar of my shirt and threw me face first into Heaven so i watched everything i asked my friend for video recommendations and after boxy sent me a page with their face and names i was like this jae kid is 182 cm? wow gotta stan now im stupid and stupid for glasses and tall people so ! it happened bithc,, ugh i lov eday6 so much i remember binge watchng all their vlives after the july after party live (that being the first vlive i watched Ever in my entire life and i laghed so hard despite not understanding a damn thing) please id giv my heart and soul2 day6 im so happy with the way ive progressed as a myday :^( 

bonus when i first started stanning it was 26th june and shortly after i made a stan acc teasers were being dropped but i didnt kno why ppl were freaking out i remmeber seeing jae’s teaser nd going ? ok? its just a pic damn ;-/ and then eveeryone was like: dowoon! choker! me: wdhs? what

4. ????do you have any allergies????

did u think of jae and no i used to be allergic 2 dairy products but thats disappeared

5. a fond memory???

bowling with friends and im just a disaster of a friend im always so loud with them and i thank god everyday that they handle my energy ? i would cheer for them even if they got a gutter or whatever and when they got a strike id go clap like crazy i love my friends i also went i have the power of god and anime on my side before flinging the ball and theyd laugh despite not knowing what vine that was from i love my friends... psg if ur out there yall are the best x i miss hanigng out with them as a trio.. three of us :( 

6. do you paint your nails?? if so, what are your fave colors to use?? if not, why??  

thats so.. tiresome.......... dont u have 2 wait for it 2 dry and shit ? my mums always worried abt ruining the colour or some sht nd im like !!! okY!!!!!!! tldr its a pain in the ass

7. what are your favorite colors?? what are your fave colors to wear??

i like hte colour of the sky... all the colours........ yeah love that bithc and lately ive been wearing a lot of black shirts finally went out of my embarrassing colourful phase ! 

8. what languages would you like to learn?? for what reason(s)??

japanese nd korean jp because i listen to a lot of things in japanese and korean for the same reason but my priority would be jp even tho id love to communicate with my faves i just... yeah although im not exactly making an effort 2 learn bc im lazy but if i Could.... itd be those two

9. when you get stickers, do you use them or do you keep them??

DHDGFHDHDGDSJHJSJAKSSJHFHS THIS FEELS LIKE A CALL OUT???? i keep them......... 

10. are there any groups that you might get into/want to get into?

hm... well theres knk ive learnt their names and im finally able to put name 2 face so thats nice svt too if htey didnt have such large numbers... thats all for now i think?? i love evry girl group though i love gIRLS... 

11. how are you???

idk im constantly just fine?? not the im sad but im fine kind of fine im literally just neutral half the time wjhddshs wild 

both of your questions were really unique and i loved answering them thank you so much for tagging me and if youve read until the end thank you i hope you have a good day!

#tag games #moon texts #its with the s righthd hsjdhd

[girchi-blog]

Short Story: A mysterious women

I stood there staring at this mysterious women, who glanced back at me with such sad ruby red eyes. For a second there, i am lost in her eyes until i notice she takes her left hand and gently brushes back her white curly hair behind her ear. shocked for words, I clear my throat and stiffen my back up. " Is there a reason your knocking on my door so late? I say her curiously. Instead of answering me, she ends up pulling her red hoodie over her head and cries. I freak out considering I am only a man who has been a virgin my WHOLE life and have no understanding of women at all. what should i do? should i invite her in? grab her a tissue? no no no.... tell her have a nice night? as I am going through all these scenarios in my head i hear her sobbing even harder. so, without thinking i say "How about you come inside and we can talk about what's bothering you shall we?" what did i just do? now she will think im a frea- "yes" she interrupts me. Her voice sounded so sweet, like a melody i can listen to all day long. she felt like a magnet that was pulling me towards her, i wanted to kiss her. This is insane i thought to myself as i stepped to the side to gesture her into coming into the house. she walks by quickly enough for me to catch a scent of her metallic smell. what was that? i think to myself. "I didn't quite catch your name sir?" she says in a clear voice and no longer any tears on her face. what happened? was she fake crying earlier? i try to keep my face calm as possible as i reply "My name is Aaron but you can call me Ron if you like. what about you? what is your name mysterious young lady?" i smirk a little trying to brighten the mood with a little flirtation. or was it not flirting? how do non- virgins flirt? crap, am i trying to get laid? get your mind out the gutter Aaron. shes a sweet women who happened to be knocking at your door inconveniently at night. "my name is Celestia but you can call me Cella" she smiles at me warmly as she walks towards me. "cella" i say in a whisper as i’m stuck staring at her eyes as she sways her hips walking towards me. why couldn’t i move? why couldn’t i say anything else in that moment? she stops in front of me and lays her left hand on my right cheek. "you are such a kind person for letting me come inside. can we sit down for a second?" she tilts her head at me while flashing the tip of her tongue through her lips. what was going on here? a complete difference in her actions. i follow her silently as she walks towards the couch. she looks at me as she pats the cushion next to her, gesturing me to sit besides her. so you know what i did? damn right. i sat my self down right next to her. i felt compelled to do her every will. i figured it was because i was so nervous to be around a girl for once. better yet, alone with one actually. As soon as i sat down she stares at me, but now her ruby red eyes were now a dark Garnet color. I don’t know why but that gave me chills. she scoots closer to me and lays a hand on my leg. "Do you believe in Vampires?" she says in a jokingly voice. i stare at her confused and say "no, unless you like watching twilight that much then maybe hahaha" i laugh nervously as i start reconsidering my invite to her coming in the house, due to her weird actions and responses. She then tells me to bite her. i stare at her and immediately stand up. " Okay this got out of hand. i think its just best if you go. i dont think i rather be affiliated with someone who believes in fantasies. her voice sounded deeper now. " oh but i don’t Aaron. I don’t. i been watching you for awhile now and i like you." she says deeply. i move back frightened by the voice change. " You need to go. NOW" i say in a nervous tone. she stands up and i back up just a little trying to keep distance between this crazy chick and I. "come here Aaron" she says to me and for some reason i cant help myself. i start walking to her uncontrollably. she points to the ground and i immediately get onto my knees. "what the fuck is happening?!" i yell. She stares at me, un-threatened by my yell. "i told you to bite me" and you know what happens next? your right.you are damn right. i bit her. oh lord why is all i could think. she sat there and breathed in with pleasure. i felt blood spill into my mouth. the metallic flavor overwhelming my taste buds. every will in my body tried to pull back, tried to resist but i just couldn’t break out of her spell. she then kneels down. grabs my chin and lift my head up. i can now hear my heart beating so fast that it feels like its going to burst out my chest. she grins and moves in quickly and pierces my skin with her teeth. i was able to let out a yelp but it quickly was silenced by the strength of her bite on my neck. she bit so hard i couldn’t even get out a sound anymore. i feel my body slowly being laid down onto the floor as she finishes. just when i thought it was almost over for me, she stops and gasps in full excitement. in a weak voice i say " please go, i wont tell" she looks down at me and says "oh Aaron. i will be feeding on you every day.i control you now." she giggles as my eyes slowly close shut.

#shortstory #story #fanatasy #imnew #rubyred #vampire #invite

[dissirnulo-blog]

Hello! I just stumbled on this blog by complete accident, and it's interesting to read your posts about akechi! I'm sorry if this actually comes of rude or ignorant or whatever, but i'm genuinely curious about life in orphanages in japan. Your akechi seems to be awfully not fond of it, and i guess the same with go with canon akechi actually. What are you thoughts?

OH MY GOSH? im really flattered that you found them interesting, and im more flattered that you actually want to hear my thoughts on such a delicate subject. youre not being rude or anything!!

i very well cant give proper opinions on a subject without laying down the facts first, though, and surprisingly, other than passing mentions and links to an article or two, no one really talked about just how awful the system is in japan, and in turn how it affected goro, so let me talk about the system while adding in my own commentary

WARNING: WERE GOING TO SPOILER TOWN HERE.

spoilers and very, very, very, VERY heavy text under the cut. im so sorry mobile users

these are all articles i have bookmarked lolol i suggest yall read them but tldrs aint that bad too

What’s it like to be raised in a Japanese orphanage?

many kids that wind up in orphanages were neglected by their parents or suffered some kind of abuse from their parents. its also not uncommon for parents to leave their kids there simply because theyre too overwhelmed by the job

but even then, some (read: a whole fucking lot) of these parents refuse to let their children be adopted bc of a social stigma involving it. they cant support/cant take care/dont give a fuck for their children but theyre too scared of the shame that comes from getting their kids adopted to let them live in a family that can care for and love them. think about that for a minute.

these kids are sometimes called throw away children by society. goro is a throw away child, you can say.

the kids tend to form a hierarchical society where the oldest or the biggest kid orders all the other kids around. refuse to listen to them, and you get beat up. abuse and bullying is rampant because of this

a child leaves their orphanage at around 15 to 18. once they leave, any kind of support from the government is cut off. gone. nada. youre on your goddamn own. 

japan is a country thats held together by connections. you get a job if you have a good network to back up your credibility. basically, without any kind of networks, youre already ruined before you even got outside of that goddamn orphanage you live in

to add: its not uncommon to hear about orphans released from orphanages becoming homeless or unemployed, and without a support network, more often than not they also suffer from mental illnesses such as depression. or theyre also manipulated into committing murder. you know.

im gonna throw my assumption out here that goro most likely was released from whatever orphanage he was in when he was 15. not too long after, he had awaken to his persona, and thats when he approached shido. probably. if that were the case, then it would align with when the mental shutdown cases started: two years before the main game. goro died at 17 years old.

with these facts, we can assume that HE WAS LITERALLY A HOMELESS KID WHEN HE WENT TO SHIDO, AND HE WAS BARELY LEGAL WHEN HE DIED, YOU FUCKING MONKEYS

“When I was growing up in orphanages I sensed the staff was fulfilling their responsibilities but I didn’t feel protected or loved. When I had to leave the orphanage I was all alone. I had no one to turn to.” — Sayuri Watai, 27, founder of a support organization run by and for ‘graduates’ of childhood welfare facilities.

Japan: Children in Institutions Denied Family Life

basically, the foster care system and the alternative care system (aka orphanages) in japan are a fucking trainwreck, but thats the whole point of this post, so its not that surprising.

orphanages are just really fucking bad, theres not enough space, bad facilities, abuses from both staff and fellow children, that kind of shit

its also mentioned here how those who leave the orphanages have no support to help them ease back into society and again brings up the importance of having connections in japan

adoption is rare. by 2011, only 303 kids (out of like, roughly, 30,000) were formally adopted out of the alternative care system. more on Why later

childrens’ best interests are often set aside in favour of letting the parents or family, who put them there in the first place, decide what happens to the kid, which basically means if the parents/family of the kid doesnt want the kid to get adopted, then no, the kid wont be adopted.

basically, the system favours the stupid adults’ opinions over the kids’ wellbeing. as quoted from one of the careworkers mentioned in the article, “In Japan, the interest of the parents is seen as more important than the interests of the child.”

“The Convention on the Rights of the Child states that for the full development of a child’s personality, they ‘should grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, love and understanding.’” 

hey so guess which persona 5 character never grew up in a family and ended up screwed up in the personality department and got so lost and confused with what he really wanted so he desperately clung to the flimsy fame he had and the idea of revenge and fake praises from a certain shido masayoshi? yeah i thought so

japan likes to cram all these kids into orphanages that, even though there are caretakers who do want to take very good care of these sad kids, there isnt enough staff to deal with them, and thats when what looks like neglect from the staffs part arises

the article lists testimonies from children and adults who are and were from these institutions. one of them, a one sentence testimony, stood out to me in particular: “I don’t have any dreams for the future.” it sounded so jaded and tired to me, and it makes me think of the last time we saw goro in the game. that really tired smile really hit it home for me. goro had goals, but what about dreams?

lets speak in hypotheticals: if goro managed to inflict his revenge on shido, and he won, what comes after? what will he do? he spoke in the ship about being heralded as the hero who took down shido, sure, but do yalls really think, after everything, he actually plans to get out of that goddamn mess alive? goro made it his life mission to ruin shido. nothing matters but that, not even himself. after all is said and done, it doesnt seem very plausible for goro to keep on wanting to live. theres nothing to live for, after that

Witness: Lack of Support in Japanese Orphanages

“Masashi cared about his appearance – he wore fashionable [ … ] clothes and had styled his hair – but a sense of isolation clung to him.” that sounds familiar but maybe thats just me

studies show that children younger than 3 who grow up in orphanages have the risk of delayed mental, emotional, and even physical development because of the lack of bonds with a proper adult or family. orphanages are also a really poor environment for older children, who most likely already experienced abuse in the hands of their families or severe trauma after losing their parents. either way, orphanages are just a really bad idea for children

the first two articles have mentioned this, and now this article mentions this again: kids who grow up in orphanages are often poorly equipped for the real world because of the lack of support after their release, and yeah yall know how they end up homeless and jobless bc of it

as continuation, sometimes, education for these kids are so poor that they get out of the system barely able to read or solve simple math problems. 

children get subsidies now (bc back then they didnt wtf). its around 55,000 yen, or 550 usd. they cant even get a drivers license with it, which also happens to be really good extra points for when applying for a job. another opportunity lost for them

Adoption in Japan Part 1: Why are there so many kids in orphanages?

this article focuses more on why adoption is so rare in japan and also reinstates some things that have been mentioned earlier, namely, childrens’ well being getting set aside in favour of what shitty parents have to say

majority of kids in orphanages have living parents who retain legal custody but are not raising them. because of this, they are not allowed to be adopted, even if the parents dont come back for them

for some reason, japan is really insistent on giving the parents full control on their kids life even though they already abandoned them. this idea is so strictly followed that even a baby found in trash cans or some shit are usually ruled by court as not allowed to be adopted in case the biological parents come looking for them. i know. its full of bullshit.

with that and the stigma of a family letting their kid adopted, it makes me think that maybe its why goro ended up stuck in orphanages and never lasted in foster homes. because despite being a good kid (which i actually think he was), he was never adopted bc his mothers family refused to let him be adopted. its really messed up

apparently, people think orphanages are “the right place for nobody’s children to be raised.” add in the “throwaway children” nickname from one of the earlier articles, i get where goros coming from with his whole “unwanted, cursed child” mentality, and why hes so desperate for anyones attention. spend your entire childhood having the idea that youre a throwaway child, that youre a nobody’s child, that your mother killed herself because youre unwanted planted in your vulnerable mind, and then taste praise for the first time despite it coming from the one person you want to ruin the most, no wonder goro was intoxicated by it.

while there are orphanages with staffs that try their best, sexual and physical abuse are still prevalent, mostly in private orphanages. though they are supposedly monitored by the government, those sent to inspect these private orphanages have little to no training for the job. most of the time, the inspector only comes for tea, then they fucking leave, and the abuses and badly maintained facilities continue to prevail

the article brings up again how children are badly prepared for the real world and are doomed to a life of hardship when they leave. it never stops

in japan, only middle school is compulsory, but most jobs require that you should be at least a high school graduate. only 10% (or lower) of kids from orphanages get to attend high school, because 1) getting into high school is like a super big deal and hard, maybe like getting into college, and normally, middle schoolers attend cram schools to prepare for their entrance tests, 2) these orphans cannot afford cram schools, 3) the government refuses to fund cram schools for these kids bc its also acknowledging that their public education fucking sucks and cant afford to get anyone into a high school

imagine goro burning his fucking eyebrows to be able to get into high school. although, truthfully, i wouldnt be surprised if shido had something to do with goro being able to get into high school, if we still go along with “goro approached shido at 15″ thing. but i stand with the whole “goro is actually smart and intelligent despite being a wack detective” thing bc lets be real, that shit he pulled in saes palace is fucking nuts. you cant deny the kids a genius in his own right

Adoption in Japan Part 2: Attitudes to Adoption

adult adoptions, the kind thats done by adults (duh) for convenience or inheritance etc etc, is a frequent thing in japan, but child adoption, the kind that we all are more familiar with, is apparently kind of a wack concept in japan. its entirely new to them. in fact they only legalised that shit in 1989

koseki likes to make everything complicated. its so fucking hard to describe, but its like a family tree of sorts, except when you (the mother) have a kid out of wedlock, youre not allowed to register your kid to your family tree for some fucking reason; you have to start your own family tree with just you and your kid. if you give up your kid for adoption and they got adopted, their name doesnt get removed from your family tree for some fucking reason, but the fact that they were adopted is noted in your family tree. and this starts the discrimination and stigma that comes from getting your kid adopted, and it makes parents who leave their child to orphanages unwilling to get their kids adopted. its also the source of stigma surrounding single mothers and children born out of wedlock. (hey guys guess whos both a kid born out of wedlock AND an orphan?????) NOTE: this is how i understand the concept of koseki so far, and i may not be 100% right bc that shit confuses the fuck out of me. idk. japan why

so yall know how obsessed goro is with being perfect—perfect grades, perfect public image, perfect everything? as it turns out, theres this stupid idea in japan thats widely accepted that “everything from your taste in food to the language you speak is biologically pre-determined” now that makes a shit ton of sense, considering the kind of person shido is. that fucking asshole. holy fuck.

Japan’s Forgotten Children

it says here that about 4,000 children were formally adopted out of the system, as opposed to an earlier article that says 303. i dont know which one is true.

this entire paragraph:

“Last month, a Chukyo Television director who was documenting this problem, asked a high government official why Japan had such a system, as opposed to promoting adoption and foster care like other developed nations. The man, whom I respect for his honesty, basically said that after the war there were many children without parents. At that time, many orphanages were built. So, that became Japan’s system to this day. Let me translate that for you…There are many jobs involved in this system. Plus, we don’t like change.”

orphanages run by the government receive funding based on how much kids they have, so more kids = more money, and that basically is also one of the reasons why no ones making an effort to get these kids out of the system. the kids are their means of getting free fucking money.

the government isnt trying to remedy this problem bc it doesnt want change, at least according to this guy named yamanta tokuji. hes an ex-child welfare worker who wants change, to put it simply.

he also says that living in orphanages for years damages a childs well being and behaviour. some who end up in family environments can develop reactive attachment disorder in which they regress to behaving like a baby.

the government wont tackle the issue “because it doesn’t want to know the truth and thus be forced to change.” yamantas opinion again

look, before anything else, i dont condone what goros done. shits fucked up, kids killed a whole lotta ppl, and he didnt fucking hesitate to pull the damn trigger on akira, but since this is fiction, context is important. if youre one of those people who simply dismissed goros character and went “eh. hes fucking evil with daddy issues” im just….. :(, bc you fucking missed the entire point of his character. its important to note hes the only teenage antagonist in a game where the adults are the Bad Guys™. i dont remember where i read this, but i (sorta) quote: hes a warning of what couldve happened to the phantom thieves, without morgana, without the support system that they had, without the positive influences that made them decide to do what they did. even yusuke acknowledges this, once they come back from shidos palace after Hell™ happened (i would have put a link to a photo, but where the fuck do i even find a pic of it).

i think that people seem to misunderstand goros character simply because of really fucking bad writing atlus COME THE FUCK ON they forget that theyre playing a game based on japan, where culture and society are very different from theirs, and in turn they dont understand the context behind goros backstory and how japans society views orphans and illegitimate children can really fuck with a kid, and okay, just because youre either of the two doesnt mean youll resort to murder, but 1) this is a modern fantasy game, where cats can become buses and fake gods can force a lonely kid who happens to be a wild card into the depths of hell, come on, 2) goro wasnt even the one who came up with the murders, it was shido. he fucking bragged about it in his boss fight you fucking monkeys!!!! i forgot to mention this, but shido also threatens goro if he ever so much expresses doubt

its also because of bad writing. its mostly because of bad writing. god. goro deserves better than this

goro was a vulnerable kid with powers, and that made him a perfect puppet for shido. imagine if he had known about changing hearts sooner, because no one ever told him about it. imagine if he was able to bring his wild card ability to its full potential, and dont even get me started with the fact that he was a wild card user. this post about wild cards and goro really makes you think, but that isnt the point of this post, so

anyway its 2 am im tired Good Night Have A Swell Night Sir

#goro akechi #akechi goro #persona 5 #p5 #spoilers #This Is Really Long I Cried #uughhh i wrote this instead of replies i hope youre happy anon!! #rtrp ooc #( 2/2. ) #( ooc. ) #( asks. ) #anonymous

[fuwaprince]

dont know how long this'll be so (1/?) ... both my parents found out i was bisexual two years ago when one of my friends mums called up and told her about stuff. my mum threw my door open, turned on the lights and demanded to see my phone. i said why and told her i was scared, she told me i wouldn't be scared if i had nothing to hide and then she proceeded to ge my to unlock my phone and show her all my social media and stuff... she found out i had a girlfriend at the time and she showed my dad-

(2/?) and then he told me he was disgusted and couldn;t read my messages to her. anyways, i ended up having to delete my old tumblr and all my social media with her, breaking up with her over email because she lived a few hours away (we met irl and got on from there). anyways, im terrified to come out to my parents even though im planning it for next year. she knows my ex as 'he' and 'him' because he was a boy when we started dating. that's why i couldnt tell her anything. --

(3/3) and that's the story of why i'm terrified of coming out as a lesbian to my parents until next year when after i turn 18!!! ...... sometimes i have panic attacks and think i should delete my tumblr so she wont find out.... they won't support me, i know, but that's okay! even though it wont be in the beginning, it will be eventually. at least i have the support of my friends. sorry to rant, just thought i'd explain.

Oh my gosh sweetpea that is so fucking terrible and I’m sorry you’re forced to disown your sexuality in order to feel safe at home.. I cannot believe how homophobic and invasive your parents responded to you having a gf. It is not disgusting. It is not gross. I am so sorry if they continue to make you feel shameful for being in love with girls! That’s absolutely ridiculous and I’m your new dad and I totally support you and your sexuality! You shouldn’t have to mask who you are just to feel comfortable at home and I’m so sorry that’s the case rn. When you turn 18 or when you’re able to move out, I promise you can freely love whoever you want without the fear of your parents going through your phone or other personal belongings because of it. They won’t be able to oppress you anymore! Just give it a little longer and you’ll be able to, okay? And don’t worry about deleting your blog if you really must (I would be so sad, don’t get me wrong, but I understand it’s for safety reasons). I love you so much Ruby!! You’re my favorite lesbian magical girl and you never cease to make me proud!! Thanks for sharing this with me ^ - ^ 

ps I tried timtams from this international market down the street and EWOGTNEGTNH THEY ARE SO FUCKING GOOD HOW DARE YOU AUSTRALLIANS KEEP THEM ALL TO YOURSELVES OMFG I AM SO JEALOUS!!! They taste soooo goooooood!! I tried the dark chocolate ones but I really want to try the caramel ones now hehe

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: ⚰ knock knock Ali: do i need to get the ouija out Carly: yea Carly: tho bit late to ghost the lad in my bed Carly: idk who he is Ali: 🤠 put on a disguise Ali: like whomst Ali: beats having to leave your own gaff Ali: tho it is a crime scene Carly: got love bites from my arse to my elbow Carly: is he a vamp or what like Carly: i taste good i kno Carly: [sends photographic evidence] Ali: bitch Ali: are you anaemic?! Ali: leech sounds more like it but is he sparkly with good hair Carly: bitch its too early for words i cant spell wtf Carly: he is sparkling but thats my shine ha Carly: the hair is a no Ali: low on iron, probs, i'll get you some iron tablets Ali: taste like blood, don't tell your bedmate, he won't wanna leave Ali: party's over n sharing ain't caring Ali: someone's feeling herself this morning Ali: here for it Ali: I've already been left so that's a no to me Carly: party only ended when i passed out a few hours ago Carly: so yea Carly: was fun Carly: baby no come over Ali: was whilst it lasted for me too but you know Ali: duty calls Ali: you sure Ali: don't wanna break it up if you're good to go again Carly: yea Carly: not scared to go hard on site cuz garda are to come around Carly: i am but hes snoring Carly: & boring Carly: come Ali: perks Ali: check he's not bumped his head Ali: they'd have to come if a normie went missing Carly: nah he has to go before he goes for a slash in my bed Carly: lads are ming Ali: want me to forward that to lene Ali: make her day Ali: steal my girl Carly: do Carly: never seen her party before Carly: weird Ali: Yeah Ali: she can hang but Ali: you know, other shit on her mind Ali: work being one of 'em Ali: thank god I ain't working today Carly: & i cant get a job Carly: ha Carly: can get rid of this boy easy tho Carly: hold on Ali: another skill for the CV Carly: yea Carly: better not have knocked me up Carly: not cute Ali: Umm Ali: you need to go to the pharmacy Carly: theres so much shit on the floor i cant tell whats us & whats party Carly: idc Carly: idk Carly: ill ask him Ali: Lemme know Ali: if I could pick it up for you I would Ali: guess I can, put on a oscar winning show for the nosy bitch in there Ali: Ma will die Carly: ha Carly: its k he wouldnt have gone near me w out Carly: quoted Ali: what a prick Ali: better not be there when i show up cunt Carly: hes leaving Carly: screaming him awake will do that like Carly: ha Ali: what he get for passing out 🤷 Ali: coulda shaved his eyebrows off like Carly: next time maybe Ali: get out the sharpie and all Ali: now it's a party Carly: need your artsy talents tho Carly: me just hold up i need my baby Ali: you got it covered babe Ali: i believe in you Carly: aw Carly: i gotta clean me & this place need belief Ali: how long are your rents away and are there enough stragglers we can rope in Ali: twatface not included, bye Carly: idk but yea theres lads everywhere Carly: mattress is covered Ali: 👏 Ali: put 'em to work Carly: while i lie here k Ali: hmm Ali: no bitch Ali: i know you're princess 'round these parts but still Ali: carriage is back to being a pumpkin sweetie Carly: but im 🤒 Ali: you're hanging Ali: can't claim morning sickness now bitch Ali: chop chop Carly: ha Carly: k bitch Carly: honeymoon over yea Ali: will be if your 'rents come back to this and murder you Carly: idc Carly: be sweet to me Ali: awh baby Ali: only playing tough love Ali: thinking i'm spending too much time with my gf? Carly: yea Carly: i missed you when she stole you away Ali: how dare she 😜 Ali: missed you too tho Carly: youre mine Carly: married you first Carly: & you didnt say bye to me 😢 Ali: are you sure Ali: 'cos I ain't Ali: but how unforgivably rude 😰 Carly: id remember Carly: never forget my boo Ali: baby Carly: you can make it up to me tho Ali: oh yeah? Ali: lemme guess, feed u grapes whilst you recline Carly: nah just be here Ali: easy Ali: got to yoga first but then i'll be there Ali: went too hard with the dancing last night obvs Carly: k ill shower that lad off me Carly: i think you went just right baby Ali: too descriptive babe 😬😂 Ali: calm down with your creative ways Carly: ha Carly: you should hear me sext Carly: so good Ali: sure Ali: maybe works on the straight boys 😉 Carly: not trying to work on anyone else Carly: tell your gf if shes gonna come for me Ali: you're alright, not her type Ali: I barely am Ali: 50% like Carly: shit odds Carly: that why shes so angry Ali: as shit as yours Ali: just in reverse Ali: not saying you're both wrong but Carly: k Carly: cant all be perfect babe Carly: thats just you Ali: 💁 Carly: you kno Ali: ugh my brother's being so annoying Ali: bitch i'm coming down i will fight you Carly: which 1 Ali: dancing one Carly: hes fun Ali: glad you think so Ali: send him over instead yeah Carly: you come here & stay at yours Carly: i'll Ali: alright Ali: you're getting a rough deal soz Carly: why Ali: 'cos he's usually the alright one, so if he's testing me, wait 'til the rest rock up Carly: idc i can sleep through anything Ali: be my guest Carly: but i want you to be mine Carly: had to share last nite Ali: you done w sharing? Carly: yea Carly: im mad Ali: aww Ali: pouty princess Carly: [sends a pouty selfie] Carly: cuz its better when you stay Ali: you're so cute Ali: it's rude and i object Carly: just for you my baby Ali: 😏 such a tease Carly: nah Carly: you can have anything you want Ali: yeah yeah Ali: anything you want from the shops Carly: theres nothing here Carly: i cant do that to you Ali: okay, i'll get breakfast and cleaning shit Carly: theres no money tho Ali: i don't mind Ali: s'only breakfast Ali: IOU if you want but honestly Carly: you're too good to me & for me boo Ali: nah i'm not Ali: no one deserves to be treated like shit the morning after Carly: got me crying Ali: baby Ali: don't be sad Carly: come down is a bitch but youre an angel Ali: 💚 i know Ali: you've survived it many a time before though, you'll be okay Ali: especially when you get some food and hugs Carly: yea Carly: shouldve invited your brother to my party Carly: what a bitch i am Ali: no no, he ain't here, just blowing up my phone being dumb Ali: you're alright, sure you'll meet him when summers out and he's out on town being fabulous Carly: k didnt fuck up the 1st impression Carly: love the gays Carly: your gf excluded like Ali: he's stalked your socials and liked what he's seen Ali: not in a creepy way 'cos gay, of course Ali: awh 😂 why can't we all get along Carly: he can add me i wont send him nudes Carly: cuz she looks at me like she was willing me to hang this hard Ali: oh good to know 😜 Ali: not letting him though, he chats shite and if he's gonna I need to vet it Ali: deal with it boy, crazy posessive wife like Ali: she's just angry with me Carly: idk who lads are if i cant id them in my usual and not seen his dick Carly: my bad if nudes go where they shouldnt Carly: whats he saying about me Carly: who could be angry at you too beautiful Ali: me either for a while, like Ali: feel it's unfair to describe it from memory of having to bath together Ali: awks Ali: just that you're cute Ali: n fun, of course Ali: and a hoe with it 😜 so her, easily lol Carly: aw Carly: but you didnt snog ronan last nite he werent there Ali: nah but she thinks i'm making a twat out of myself with you Ali: tragic straight girl crush, like Carly: cant have a crush on your missus Carly: weve gone beyond it Carly: real love Ali: yeah Ali: but you know Carly: she thinks were gonna fuck Carly: 3way would sort that Ali: exactly Ali: can't on principle Ali: and even if we whack out the strapon, no real dick for you so Carly: list where ive been Carly: puts loads of people off Carly: she'll know youre not trying to get w me Ali: i'm not gonna do you like that Ali: fuck that Carly: idc Carly: do what youve gonna do boo Ali: i know you don't Ali: but i do Ali: fuck those people who are just mad they weren't higher up in the list Ali: s'why you weren't so jog on Carly: stop being so nice to me Carly: if youre mean she'll forget her jealousy Ali: i don't want to Ali: i can handle it Ali: if she can't then Ali: that's that, isn't it Carly: yea Carly: but i dont wanna start shit for you Ali: trust, you didn't start this Ali: it's easier for her to pretend that's all it is Ali: that's all Carly: k Carly: if i was a lad id be fucked wouldnt i Ali: probably Ali: don't agree with that, it'd be the same but it'd be different in how she'd be able to deal, yeah Carly: thank god i grew some tits Ali: 😂 Ali: good job babe Carly: my ma was made up as well Carly: took a while like Carly: cant let her get the album out cuz i look like a lad Carly: pretty one tho Ali: you were always cute Ali: i remember Ali: grew into your ears and all 😉 Carly: aw Carly: do you tho? Ali: yeah, 'course Carly: you were always scrapping Carly: shouldve got w your gf then she'd like you more Ali: 😬 let us not think of how troubling the age gap woulda seemed then Ali: must've thought i was a right scouse stereotype Ali: bitches deserved it tho Carly: i thought you were cute Carly: & brave Carly: i was always behind my ma's legs Ali: like my sister Ali: I was always down for the more the merrier but her and Laoise said coven's had to be three so Ali: 🔮 number and all Ali: and tbh Laoise weren't that thrilled Ro was there, like Carly: black magic vibes from her forever Ali: legit Ali: shoulda been scrapping with her, like Carly: yea or fucking her first bf but i got there before you Carly: idk how she knew tho cuz he didnt tell anyone Ali: never lose that sixth sense, babe Ali: esp. when concerning keeping a man 🙄 Carly: did her a favor he was shit Carly: didnt have a clue what he was doing Carly: thought every virgin binge watched porn like Ali: 😂 Ali: have you ever binge watched? you're learning nothing of value from that shite Carly: yea but when youre bored youre bored Ali: I hear ya Ali: always bored Carly: me too Carly: & this sex drive isnt set for a cry wank or eye fuck Carly: no offence ma and da Ali: can't take it personally, lads Ali: ain't there's to try and control Carly: they gotta txt me back so i kno when they are coming home Carly: wtf got you two so busy Ali: all that sex they ain't having Carly: porn binge watch Carly: tho my dad likes reading his Ali: Can't beat a sticky page Ali: lost arm form Ali: art, lmao Ali: sure his form is grand Carly: doctor like howd you lose that arm Carly: epic cry wank Ali: 💪 on the right Ali: limp noodle on the other Carly: hot Ali: that's your father you're talking about Ali: no need to be that stereotypical Carly: shit my bad Ali: 😂 Ali: i love you bitch Carly: I love you too Carly: loads Carly: im mad at you again tho Ali: why what have i done>!> Carly: some1 came round the doorway & i thought it was you so i opened up but nah Carly: enjoy the eyeful lads Ali: oh babe Ali: 😏 bless you Carly: not gonna put clothes on for my girl Carly: waste of time Ali: obvs, charm you out so quick Ali: least it weren't the postie, or was it Ali: Ma reckons we were gonna get complaints, as if mother Carly: lad did deliver for me Carly: not letters tho Carly: least id showered Ali: gotta replenish Ali: you chasing off your comedown rn tho Carly: cant outrun that bitch Carly: some of the mas on site are mad tho you can tell yours Carly: state of their sons my bad Carly: should've kept em in if you were bothered Ali: oh great Ali: no you can't speak to the manager, piss off helen Carly: ha Carly: my da is gonna be in such a mood when he hears Carly: sorry you missed out Ali: parents Ali: not like anyone died Ali: calm it everyone Carly: dont want me to fuck on site dont want me to go off it Carly: talk sense Carly: other day you were trying to marry me off da Ali: just 'cos it brings people to his door Ali: soz to take you away from all the cranking but Carly: yea Carly: sorry im not hiding in the back like w i was little Ali: yeah Ali: too big for the caravan now baby Ali: need your own, how much is it to rent Carly: theyre on about it but the state on this one might change their minds Carly: im cleaning as fast as i can k Ali: we're gonna sort it, i am omw swear Ali: and i'm a parent pleaser so Ali: do the rounds, sweettalk to mothers Carly: he'll just take me back to the doctors like take her off the tablets shes too outgoing now thx Carly: another of your talents boo Ali: when the meds work TOO well Ali: but of course Carly: if he was around hed kno how shit they are Carly: ha Ali: 😔 Ali: baby Carly: its k just gotta double down Carly: pro now Ali: 💚 Carly: style the freakout out cuz ima bad bitch Carly: facts and talents Ali: no lies Ali: the baddest Carly: what we doing today that isnt boring Ali: you mean you ain't buzzing to make like kim and aggy Ali: rude, i'm living Carly: do anything w you but Carly: can only check you out every time you bend Ali: cheeky Ali: appaz imma check all of you out, like Carly: what you dont wanna Carly: your gf will be sad shes so wrong Ali: didn't say that but yeah Ali: hate to make her admit that as well, like Carly: ill tell her Ali: you gonna snitch on me Ali: 🍯 Carly: nah jk Carly: i like annoying her tho Ali: i know Ali: it is funny Ali: not taking sides but lol Carly: taking mine i kno Ali: shh Ali: there's no right or wrong here, babe Carly: k but you love me more Ali: its different Carly: maybe Ali: maybe huh Carly: idk she dont think it is Ali: yeah Ali: but we know the truth Carly: fact is we're ruling this place together Carly: no surprise shes jealous Ali: if the 👑 fits like Ali: soz babe Carly: & we fit Carly: cant fight it Ali: nope Ali: if it works it works Carly: yea & you work it better than anyone babe Ali: oh you Ali: save it for all the Ma's you gotta say soz to Ali: 💋 Carly: ha Carly: mine will kick my arse out if she gets on one better leave the mattress where it is Ali: not gonna come to that but always room for a lil one at ours Ali: i got you Carly: aw Carly: never had a sleepover when i was a kid Ali: 😧 then you gotta Ali: tbh they weren't all that always but you know mine were the best Carly: yea no doubt Carly: all the magic Ali: exactly, midnight snacks and scaring the shit out of each other Ali: can tell you who you gonna marry if you've got a tea light, like Carly: thats easy tho Carly: no1 Ali: alright then, excluding the fact we already is so rude, tbh Ali: i'll tell you who you next gonna bang Ali: same diff Carly: youre just gonna say you Carly: smooth Ali: please Ali: gimme some credit 😂 Carly: now i gotta kno Ali: we'll do it when i get there Ali: which will be soon Ali: got stuck chatting to an old lady in the shop Ali: assume she can't see or she'd have avoided me like hell 😂 bless her Carly: if its ronan again or his cousin dont tell me Carly: aw so cute Carly: youre the sweetest & prettiest ever Ali: i'll casually throw the wax in the bin like nothing to see here Ali: not this morning baby but 1/2 ain't bad #stillgotit Carly: tell me you see my death & run like k bye Carly: every morning Ali: you'd rather your literal death? they ain't THAT bad, predictable but like, damn Ali: that's some shade, feel the burn, lads Ali: so are you cutie Carly: idk but over ronan hard Carly: hes being such an arsehole to me Carly: cba Ali: don't Ali: ignore his Carly: yea but like im gonna see him even if i do Carly: fucking site life Ali: i kno but blank him Ali: nothing talks louder Ali: or if you gotta, be proper polite like he's a stranger Carly: ha yea Carly: amazing Ali: childish but so is he so Ali: two can play at that game Carly: youre right i kno Carly: ive deleted his txts so i cant show you but its k cuz youd be sad Carly: or mad Ali: i'm sure i could guess the gist Ali: you can tell me if you wanna talk about it though, i promise i won't go ripshit Carly: idc Carly: ive known him long so i didnt think hed go that hard but thats what lads are like Carly: he fucks around more than me too Ali: he's a hypocrite Ali: just 'cos he knows other lads can do it better Ali: he's just insecure, babe, ignore him Carly: i need a holiday from here Carly: but ma & da never take me w Ali: shit considering how many times they manage Ali: cut a hol off and you'd have enough funds lads Ali: maybe we can Carly: i did kick off last time cuz they didnt refill my prescription Carly: went crazy like Carly: wouldnt want that girl there either Ali: not your fault, that, though Ali: you were literally off your meds Carly: that they reckon i dont need tho Ali: if you didn't then you wouldn't act like that without Ali: simple as Carly: never thought of that Ali: we'll go, i promise Ali: even if it ain't far Carly: lets camp Carly: marshmallows are the shit Ali: hell yeah! Ali: let's find a cave forreal Carly: YEA Carly: dont fall over tho Ali: do my best 😂 Carly: you gotta Carly: only scaring me w ghost stories or whatever Ali: promise Carly: k we'll go Carly: 💙 Ali: 💚 done and done Ali: do you wanna bring anyone else or Carly: got my fave coming Carly: do you Ali: nah Ali: just wanna take you exploring Carly: k Carly: then you can Ali: 👌 Carly: id go now so whenever you want boo Ali: soon Ali: i'll work it out Carly: i kno Carly: got the belief Ali: 🔮 Carly: should get dressed or nothing'll get done Ali: awh Ali: you knew i just got here Carly: they arent on yet Carly: not that fast Ali: jk Ali: find me on the mattress when you're decent bitch Carly: baby no Carly: youll catch something off that Ali: sitting on the carrier bag Ali: always thinking Carly: so smart

[ilygsd]

201018

ffs im doing it againnnnn. i google and read shit that scares me but then i wont do anything abt it except for overthink and get anxious and fuck shit up and be an annoyance and then hate myself for doing this again but still go back and hope for him to forgive my emotional ass

im just so scared of fucking shit up again. i know i cant change the world, i need to change my attitude and know that i can get through shit even if people leave me. I CAN!! i am strong enough!!! i HAVE improved!!! i CAN! i have people who loved me and truly cares for me!!!!!! things are goong well with other people. people i dont really care about but they’re still evidente that i AM FUNCTIONING AND NOT COMPLETELY CRAZY

but those people were and are nt’s. even if im a paranoid emotional bitch who cant really feel it, i at least got some rationality that tells me that not everyone is after me.

its different with him.

i dont know if i actually care about him or if its my issues and insecrities or his manipulative charm that draws me to him but the feeling i get is so intense. and it scARES ME!!!! he could totally just take advantage over me?? i dont want to be paranoid, i want to BELIEVE HIM but my anxiety and all these other quotes and posts i read tells me i should get the hell away from people like him. and like....... i dont know if its just me overthinking or if its actually dangerous? im weak, i dont trust myself with him. im weak for him.

the fact that im more anxious because of him should be a sign right?? but on the other hand he makes me feel more alive. life is interesting with him but im also scared thats ”a part of it”. everyone says its a nice experience in the beginning. that they’re oh so charming to inpress you but then they’re going go change and its going to be to late.

and what does THAT MEAN? too late?? i dont think he would murder me or become physically violent, but his apathy will definitely hurt me either way. it STILL hurts me NOW and he’s not even doing anything ”mean”. like.... that’s who he is. he doesnt even have to manipulate me, the fact that he cant feel or give emotional love is hard enough for me to accept lmao.

and i mean he told me about his disorder? isnt that something? he seems pretty carefree. he answers most of my questions but he doesnt talk much about himself at all. he just seems bored. he told me he used to think people were annoying and slow (high IQ + narcissistic traits) but that he realised its not the world, but he who is different. and now the only thing he lives for is like his goals.

at first i thought he wanted to hurt and use me. instincitvely. he used to compare me to a deer, careful and beautoful (wow, such a charmer, so poetic) and in that case he’s a predrator. a social oredrator. he can take any shape he wants. its not me or his ”love” for me holding him in place, it’s only him. only him. him and the moral compass he set for himself. i dont think he wants to hurt me for fun, but he definitely would without doubt if i ever got in his way. perhaps not MORE than necessary, but as much as needed for him to get what he wants. but he’s patient. definitely. and i sont know why im worth waiting for. i dont know what i have to offer him.

we had sex yesterday. it was nice. but he’s one horny fuck and im emotional. he doesnt seem to care about the emotional stuff because the physical part is the only thing he can feel anywyas. all the love-shit yesterday (and any other day) is for me.... or for him... idk. i dont think its necessary for him but he does it because i want it and i guess that could be seen as nice?? at least he thinks so. he gets annoyed and anused when i question his sincerity. (says he might as well cheat and shit but like... yeah and u might as well be a mudder too whats your point??) but on the other hand he probably wants something more in te end. like my trust or something? it cant be sex. it wasnt THAT good and i he doesnt really care about the person he has sex with. he doesnt think of people, barely watch actual people but more lile hentai and the idea of sex. it could be control and power though. i know he wants me to test new things. one time i felt like he forced and treatebed me to drink coffee despite me not wanting to and i did. and i felt SHIT afterwards and i got SO paranoid and isolated myself for a week and he was a bitch about it and basically told me i overreacted and yeah maybe i was because i got SCARED of him and what he can do but i also could’ve handled it better and not let it scare me an understand i have a choice etc. but anyways, he’s stopped with that shit at least the threatening part like ”if you dont taste this coffe i made you im taking away the blanket”. and now he just liggtly pressures me. which i have to admit is okay? it made me try tea and i liked the tea. he also wants me to pierce myself and i actually would like that. he made me send him lewds (kind of) but i stopped because idk, i didnt like i. and idk i am happy i tried. im insecure and he makes me more adventurous. i just dont hope he will pressure me more or it would get worse. he’s like ”i would never force anyone to do anything” like yeah thanks thats.... nice to know.... he’s so weird. he makes offensive jokes that i bormlly would get extremely teiggered by but...... its different with him. i DO get annoyed but i also know there’s literally zero behind his jokes. i asked him if he likes the rection but he says he likes the power over the situation he has. he likes to tease me but he always makes sure i know its only joking and im not being serious. it seems like he likes the fact that he COULD leave me thinking he was serious but he choses to not. idk though, cus the fact that he always tells me when he does something ”not manipulative” is a bit..... suspicious lmao. he’s asked me to smoke weed though and im like super pure but honestly why not. he also made me drink and masturbate next to him. wow, he’s made me do a lot of stuff..... but idk, i lile the praise afterwards LMAO

so im just here trying go figure out what the fuck it is?? he doesnt talk much about himself or the people in his life. i asked about his friends and family but the only one he talks about is his ex girlfriend and best friend. at first i was so skeptical i was like ”omg why would she be with him, is she also a victim of his manipulation, or maybe she’s the same?” but idk. she seems ”normal”. he admitted she had similar issues to emotionally connect with people like him but that she’s not aspd. i also happen to know she’s a chinese adoptee as well and to compare with my own attatchment issues it wouldnt surprise me if she got the opposite of me.

anyways, at first glance you would think he loves her dearly. but when thinking about it he doesnt really express any love. just appreciation and thats what he said himself. for practical reasons. they help each other, he with her medical shit and she with his finances or something. and i want to believe in that. that he’s just looking for good deals with people. i get something out of him and he gets something from me. not anything emotional, but not necessarily him using people either. and he can be emotional, he is trying to be emotional for me. COGNITIVE EMPATHY THOUGH!!!

i dont know. i hope it is like this. i dont want to believe all the shit stories about narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths. yes i am low key scared to death that he one day will snap, change comPLETELY cus that’s basically who he is. i just hope.......... he won’t lmao. and i hope he wont just use me when he’s got what he’s wanted. and i reALLY hope i wont settle for his fake love. i deserve some REAL ACTUAL LOVE. i dont mind living in a fairytale with him someimes but i DO NOT want to lose myself to him. i deserve love, i deserve someone who loves me like i love them. no matter how much or how good he imitates love he wont ever be able to. PLEASE DONT SETTLE FOR THAT.

ive KIND OF come to accept who he is and that was hard enough for me, but i did it because he makes me do things and he makes me feel like i want it. also im scared that im too obsessed. like i really dont find anything interesting except for him. thats NOT a good sign. i feel like i both gain and lose myself with him. being with him is like living in a bubble. but when i meet other people everything’s as normal. i just dont want to isolate myself.

i dont think he would turn my friends or family against me

he says he teases the people he feel comfortable with. i cant get that. he’s changed. i sometimes feel like im a little sister. he took me very seriously at first and was very respectful and kind. now when he’s mee comfortable he’s more of a dick abd more straight forward when he thinks im overthinking or negative or annoying. and i am. i am annoying with him. its so weird but the moment i see him my EMO JUMPS OUT. i can be fun with other people and talk about other things and watch stuff but when im with him i just want to talk about sad stuff and feelings abd myself lmaooo. and yeah he finds it annoying and i get that. but i guess its cus we’re both a bit comfortable?

however he doesnt tease his ex/bff he says. its so weird, he says she was in charge in their relationship and i just cant imagine that cus hes so dominant. he said he started to respect his body etc AFTER their relationship so idk but i still cant imagine it cus he’s still doesnt feel empathy so there was no reason for him to obey her?? im curious about their relationship. i wonder what it was like......

what scares me is that i always feel inferior to him. thats ny good in a relationship. at the same time its the way i imagine relationships. he protecs me and i’ll obey him. its not that im always inferior, i tell him to piss off and fuck you when im annoyed. bit thats only joke. when tt gets serious he is always right. kind of. he’s like a dad as well. idk

all these posts are about sociopaths literalky tappning on thet victims and being CRUEL. but he’s not cruel, he’s just aprhtic, ubemotional. of course he CAN BE CRUEL, everyone can, but he chose not to. at least not yet. UGH. i feel so good with him. it felt better after a week with bo contact but i still wanted him because i was afraid i would lose him if i wanted more. which makes no sense because if i dont want him then i wouldnt want him. but wat if satt with him. i read blir people being married to sociopaths for 20+ years and i dont eant to be robbed 20 years!!!

he values actions more than words. in many ways he’s more high-functioning than me, and im a normal neurotypical while he’s an antisocial. thats why i was drawn to him anywyas. i wanted his help to handle my feelings and stuff. but idk. when he apologizes he doesnt mean it, but he still stops. when i apologize i mean it, but i dont stop. he could help me stop and he wants me to stop. bit thats also the only thing he values and it males me feel unappreciated sometimes when i actually TRY MY HARDEST

all these posts also fuck me up because idk if they’ve just encountered a mean sociopath, a mean normal neurotypical or if its just a sociopath. like i feel like people only focus in the bad stuff and call anyone ubemotional and cold abd mean a sociopath. thats not what i want to hear. i want to learn about them objectively??? they cant feel i get that. its mostly just girls writing about their fuckboy ens. like he thought i thought of him as a fuckboy but i dont. hes not a fuckboy, i hate fuckboys even more than i hate him. fuckboys are like..... just MEAN. for no reason. lmao idk. i mean he’s mean because he cant FEEL, he has no conscience. fuckboys are mean and so feel guilt but they pretend they dont and thats just pathetic. this persson id mature. fuckboys arent. hes sometimes immature too i guess UGH and narcisstisk UGH but lile..... idk. i just wouldnt go for him if he was a fuckboy. i dont get attracted to fuckboys OR bad blys

#diary #jo