#on how discourse has personally damaged me over the years

[headspace-hotel]

How people in the USA loved nature and knew the ways of the plants in the past vs. nowadays

I have been in the stacks at the library, reading a lot of magazine and journal articles, selecting those that are from over fifty years ago.

I do this because I want to see how people thought and the tools they had to come up with their ideas, and see if I can get perspective on the thoughts and ideas of nowadays

I've been looking at the journals and magazines about nature, gardening, plants, and wildlife, focusing on those from 1950-1970 or thereabouts. These are some unstructured observations.

The discourse about spraying poisons on everything in your garden/lawn has been virtually unchanged for the past 70 years; the main thing that's changed is the specific chemicals used, which in the past were chemicals now known to be horribly dangerous and toxic. In many cases, just as today, the people who opposed the poisons were considered as whackos overreacting to something mostly safe with a few risks that could be easily minimized. In short, history is not on the pesticides' side.

Compared with 50-70 years ago, today the "wilderness" areas of the USA are doing much better nowadays, but it actually appears that the areas with lots of human habitation are doing much worse nowadays.

I am especially stricken by references to wildflowers. There has definitely been a MASSIVE disappearance of flowers in the Eastern United States. I can tell this because of what flowers the old magazines reference as common or familiar wildflowers. Many of them are flowers that seem rare to me, which I have only seen in designated preserves.

There are a lot more lepidopterans (butterflies and moths) presumed to be familiar to the reader. And birds.

Yes, land ownership in the USA originated with colonization, but it appears that the preoccupation with who owns every little piece of land on a very nitpicking level has emerged more recently? In the magazines there is a sense of natural places as an unacknowledged commons. It is assumed that a person has access to "The creek," "The woods," "The field," "The pond" for simple rambling or enjoyment without personally owning property or directly asking permission to go onto another person's property.

There is very little talk of hiking and backpacking. I don't think I saw anything in the magazines about hiking or going on hikes, which is strange because nowadays hiking is the main outdoor activity people think of. Nature lovers 50-70 years ago described many more activities that were not very physically active, simply watching the birds or tending to one's garden or going on a nice walk. I feel this HAS to do with the immediately above point.

Gardening seems like it was more common, like in general. The discussion is about gardening without poisons or unsustainable practices, instead of trying to convince people to garden at all.

Overall, the range of animals and plants culturally considered to be common or familiar "backyard" creatures has narrowed significantly, even as the overall conservation status of animals and plants has improved.

This, to me, suggests two things that each may be possible: first, that the soils and environments of our suburbs and houses have sustained such a high level of cumulative damage that the life forms they once supported are no longer able to live, or second, that our way of managing our yards and inhabited areas has become steadily more destructive. Perhaps it may be the case that the minimum "acceptable" standard of lawn management has become more fastidious.

In conclusion, I feel that our relationship with nature has become more distant, even as the number of people who abstractly support the preservation of "wilderness" has increased. In the past, these wilderness preservation initiatives were a harder sell, but somehow, more people were in more direct contact with the more mundane parts of nature like flowers and birds, and had a personal relationship with those things.

And somehow, even with all the DDT and arsenic, the everyday outdoor spaces surrounding people's homes were not as broadly hostile to life even though the people might have FELT more hostile towards life. In 1960, a person hates woodpeckers, snakes and moths and his yard is constantly plagued by them: in 2024, a person enjoys the concept of woodpeckers, snakes and moths but rarely sees them, and is more likely to think of parks and preserves as the place they live and need to be protected. Large animals are mostly doing better in 2024, but the littlest ones, the wildflowers and bugs and birds, have declined steeply. It's not because "wilderness" is less; it seems more because non-wilderness has declined in quality.

#plants #nature #the ways of the plants #save the bees #kill your lawn

[leviismybby]

However, I don't know how to feel about Levi because of the real source material (Isayama interviews, smartpass story and side material like that…) and the 'professional' Japanese translators on this blog. I think he really is, according to the correct Japanese translations and Isayama interviews, he is really dragging humanity through the mud for his personal feelings… and he is someone who is floating and aimless because of Erwin's death… So much so that Isayama even thought of killing him many times because he didn't know what to do about him and threw him aside… also I guess he has no interest in women… oh and Ackerbond is probably real… I know it's not a canon ship and I know he's not in love, but that doesn't mean it's not written too reductively to Erwin. And it disgusts me…

Because of the source material, side material, canon discourse and Japanese translator blogs, my opinion of him is changing more and more and I think I will throw my LevixOc project in the trash… Levi is really someone who (because of Isayama's writing) has been hypnotized by Erwin's own goals and has taken control of Levi's entire character and actions. I don't think I could take him (or s/o) out of this hypnosis.

I know you can say "Isayama's opinions can change" or "only what is in the manga is canon" and I used to hide behind that for consolation, but I realized that once Isayama said it, it was true and it stayed there. And I think the interviews are necessary to understand the content of the scenes etc. in the manga.

Even analysis is no longer a comfort for me… after all, why need complicated writing when interviews and manga are the source of what really happened there…

I guess he's not the character I thought I wanted… I wish he was his own man… I wish he wasn't a character to be discarded just because he died because of another character… or someone who is too picky and only accepts high standards… (this is just my own opinion based on the manga and the material/opinions I think Canon!Levi would be like that)

I'm deeply disappointed… As delulu as the Eruri fandom is, most of what they say is unfortunately true… after all, they take real sources and cite them as evidence… I don't think they are mistranslating because there are professional cold-blooded translators in this fandom and most of them quote what that blog says…

I wish I had never encountered this fandom and this character, so I wouldn't have to be so upset all these years…

Except that half of the interviews are either fake, completely twisted or don't exist. Especially that flaoting ballon bullshit, which a lot of Japanese fans say wasn't even said.

I will this again, please read the manga on your own and base your opinions on Levi on your own.

Since you already mention Eruri and i might ruin your day here but Eruri is as canon and Levihan is, it isn't. No Levi never prirotized Erwin over humanity and you'll understand that if you read the manga for yourself and analyse it for yourself without letting the fandom get to you.

Levi is his own man, he has his brain to think with and the only people who think he doesn't are shippers. Not once did Levi put his own selfish desires before humanity for anyone, he was as sad about Erwin's death as he was for the rest of his comrads. Not a single instance in the manga/anime or any actual official interviews given by Isayama was Levi reduced to Erwin, only a shipper would think that way. Oh and Ackerbond thing too, not only is that damaging to Levi's character, it is just creppy and definitely not a thing.

I am sorry anon but it seems like you don't understand Levi and his character at all. Isayama always said that Erwin and Levi were equal and sworn friends, he didn't say that because he hid some sort of hidden romance between the two, he said it because that's how it is, its a strong bond of trust and commandership and reducing it only to "Oh Levi is a love sick puppy who only cares about Erwin." is a mischaractertion at max.

My advice to you is to take a break from the fandom is they are making you not like your oc x Levi anymore, that's the best way to get them out of your head and please, base your own opinions, not what people online say.

#levi #levi ackerman #attack on titan #aot levi #captain levi #anonymous asks #also to point out #this isnt about all shippers #most are sane and can actully be talked to #and then there are some who have to harass and bully people for not shipping a fanon ship

[runby2]

hi it's the creator of horse plinko and other huge posts on this site.

i wanted to make a quick post on here, not to keep everyone updated on my life, because i'm going to keep staying far away from social media, but to let everyone know that if you feel like you are endlessly changing yourself to fit your following's perfect standards, you are not actually getting better as a person. why do i say this? growing up, i had a horrible childhood and it was hard to grasp a sense of self, so the internet was a good escape. i made posts about current topics, tried to get a lot of notes, and when i got those notes i felt like my life had a purpose. i didn't let myself ever find out who i truly was because early on i was so obsessed with being the perfect persona on the internet and avoiding home life, that i had literally linked my life cable to the internet. i was the living definition of chronically online. i was so young too, so i saw a bright future ahead of myself. "it can only go up from here." 3 years of complete isolation happened after my 18 years in a cult, and recovering from mental institutional abuse. and i went by juicedoesthings. and i fought with every part of myself, ignoring my DID and even having alters post inspirational paragraphs about why DID is 'something i know i don't have because ___'- some you can probably still find on this blog buried deep somewhere - i was lost in a cycle of amnesia and perfectionism to the point ALL of my identities were juicedoesthings, and we were all the same, and if one of us stepped out of line, we'd shun it. we couldn't risk being problematic. we couldn't risk everything we've worked up to be crumble. because that was all we were. don't make your identity a username. don't keep track of what is and is not acceptable at the current time in a fandom of any sort. don't curate your art just because a discourse blog reblogged it for clout. don't overthink some personal statement you made just because thirty people sent you personalized death threats. don't forget about nuance, and in the most sincere way i can communicate this, touch grass. and find out what comforts you. learn what makes you happy, not what can improve you. this post will probably be drowned under reblogs as my life goes on and i occasionally check back into this ghost town of what used to be my only identity. but tumblr fame has irreversibly damaged me, and how i perceive myself. it took so long for me to feel like it was okay to make mistakes. if the above sounds like you, i desperately urge you to find a way out of that cycle. don't chase fame online. anonymity can definitely get you where you want to be safely. over my years on here ive seen children adults and teens ask how to make a webcomic, how i got this many followers, how i became "me". i was conforming. i became perfect for the internet, but i didn't have any sense of self. don't be like me. don't become me. just create, and disconnect yourself from who you think you need to be in order to be enough.

#positivity #recovery #art #webcomics #juicedoesthings

[code31-onthedancefloor]

totally agree with your tags on that post about jean. i try to stay out of jean discourse because i have mutuals who say that he’s their fav character, but…i just don’t get it tbh. also yes kimjean makes absolutely no sense to me. i feel like it’s more like playing with dolls than anything else. like if your headcanons deviate from the source material that much, what’s the point? why is it fun?

thank you for your ask! and i agree!

part of it is falling into the trap of 'colouring in the blanks' vis-a-vis harry's memory loss, i think. but as you said - at some nebulous point, you're just making an OC.

my mutuals range from indifferent-to-utter hatred when it comes to jean, so i have no problem writing a few more of my thoughts. this is mainly about the failures of capitalist institutions in general to keep people alive. bit of a sprawling rant under cut:

personally, jean (and the rest of the Precinct 41 cops) struck me as a mouthpiece for one of the clusters of problems that institutions like the police fall into: using 'personal' bias under the guise of 'for the good of the institution/society' to cut off a member/member of the public in need. looking out from the institution's windows, one might liken it to pruning dead flowerheads off a tree. from the outside in, it is tantamount to manslaughter.

that might sound like a large step to make - however, if you think about how it is, in many cases, legal for a landlord to suddenly evict one of their tenants and make them homeless in the middle of winter (for them to go on and die of cold on the street) - what is that, if not manslaughter with extra, authorised steps?

with that, i think what jean is capable of doing in the bad ending... harry, possibly going through withdrawal, disabled, healing from recent GUNSHOT WOUNDS, destitute, mentally ill, suicidal, amnesia-ridden and isolated, is left in the fishing village by jean to fend for himself. not even 'here are your house keys and a few rèal for a train fare. go home, you're fired'. he is just Left There. and there is nothing there for harry. unless he joins the fucking hardie boys or some shit, there's no way he's getting a job again. that's it - harry's dead to us now; which means he is dead, or will be very soon. the only thing that would keep him alive at that point would by the kindness of isobel and lilienne and the other residents of martinaise, which proves my point that the RCM itself is a failed, bigoted institution. when even the hotshot lieutenant double-yefreitor is ejected for being 'more trouble than he's worth' without the disability/pension pay that he honestly rightfully deserves, the place is fucked. jean knows that nothing harry can do or say can prevent this. harry can't afford a fucking lawyer to fight for his case.

as soon as harry purposefully drove him away while imploding in a suicidal mania, that was apparently reason enough for him to 'fuck off'... for him to just sit there doing fuck all while harry wakes up not knowing who he is, gets shot, and actually solves the fucking murder for him. and then jean sees the detritus of harry's many, many attempts at ending his own life, and all he can see is wasted assets; wasted budget; wasted time. and to rub salt in the wound: the only reason he brings Trant along is to 'see if harry's lying'. WHICH. jean KNOWS that harry's had amnesia blackouts before. judit knows that harry's had amnesia blackouts before. jean just wants to see if he can leverage enough over harry to get rid of him for good.

when it comes to jean in particular, i think people can project their own ideas about what he is 'meant to be' onto him. hell, i'm doing it now. but to some people, jean is meant to represent the 'long-suffering addict handler' who has been at the Mercy of the Big Bad Addict, just trying to do his job but inevitably dragged down by him. i don't want to disregard anyone who has tried for years to do damage control with friends and relatives who are addicts - however, i just don't think that the writers intended for this reading of his character. harry, historically, used drugs and alcohol as a method to solve cases more efficiently and probably self-medicate for mental illness and post-polio syndrome. he has a massive caseload which he shouldered for years, grinding his spirit against the murders of revachol. it sounds like he only became a 'non-functional addict' relatively recently (don't quote me on that). and as soon as he starts inevitably imploding, jean - the guy who was basically only playing second fiddle in that caseload - is already right there to kick him onto the street.

because that's what cops view mentally ill addicts as, right? it doesn't matter if they're prestigious in their own goddamn precinct. as soon as they've outlived their usefulness; their cost-effectiveness, they're gone. and That is what jean was there to carry out - in the bad ending. it doesn't matter that jean is clinically depressed. they both can't afford therapy, but only jean can continue working because his mental illness apparently isn't severe enough to the point that he's driving his car into the ocean in a desperate attempt to end his own life. because he is 'functional'.

and the worst part is - they're both miserable! they're both suffering! jean wants to kick harry out because he's sick of dealing with him. what makes jean sitting around the whirling-in-rags in a wig being useless Funny is that HARRY IS DOING HIS JOB FOR HIM! while not even knowing what money is or who he is or where he lives! and then jean can kick him out the RCM and leave him to die for not being 'functional' enough.

now there's more to say about the different endings. how the 'kim *truly* trusts you' check and make or break an ending and the variety of ways in which you can play harry and how your actions 'mid-game' can impact how the world interprets 'pre-amnesia harry'. different shit. you can play harry as a racist, fascist asshole. and as much as i would like for every racist, fascist asshole TO die in a ditch - safety nets such as universal healthcare/basic income & unconditional housing should be there to benefit Everyone. even racist, fascist assholes. otherwise, the point is defeated: like jean the RCM denying harry his past and a stable future because of illness and poverty. jean raging about 'the liberals' and the horrific ableist shit he said in regards to harry's disabilities should have sent alarm bells ringing in the minds of people who want to woobify him. (plus judit's 'well-meaning' infantilisation, and trant's poverty-tourism schtick. ew.)

failure of institutions and different rules for different groups of society based on bigotry aside, jean is ultimately only there for like 5 minutes. if you want an asshole with a mushy core, why not titus? if you want a guy with a lot of 'fill in the blanks' potential, why not goraçy kubrek?

why not tiago? why not mañana? why not ruby? why not lilienne? why not cunoesse? why not the dicemaker? why not the ravers? why not the student communists? why not lizzie? why not cindy? hell, the guy who gives you a slice of salami showed more humanity than jean did in the entire game and the only reason he's there is to give you a slice of salami! why jean?

it's a little detached from what i've said here, but social institutions & contracts and ignoring/bending the law for the purposes of third parties are talked a lot about in this great video by philosphytube!

#tl;dr: it's a mixture of projection + 'colouring in' + finding him attractive. #dare i tag this disco elysium #idk #this stewed in my brain on the train. #the question i mean. out of everyone presented in elysium's world... Why Jean? #if lugia hadn't made the comments about jean's c-cup breasts the jeanvic fandom would be dead #seriously tho. why 8957348957 fanart of Jean 'can you even go potty by yourself' Heron Vicquemare and not tiago. #fuck my stupid yaoi life #anonymous #ask

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I don’t know if you watched Taehyung’s live today but he made a comment about how hybe asked him if he wanted a cake for his album debut and he said no. I know a lot of PJMs were upset about Jimin not having a cake but this shows that he could have refused a cake as well.

***

My friends made sure to bring me up to speed on his live, though I’m yet to watch the full thing myself.

His comments seemed too pointed considering the topics that have dominated fan spaces since Jimin’s release - specifically his comments about how he is in control of his promotions and that Hybe gave him the option of getting a cake.

I saw the clips where he mentioned that he’d promote his album based on the options ARMYs suggest on Weverse, indicating that his album promotion tools are solely at his discretion. And I saw him mention that he didn’t have a cake because he didn’t want one at that point. Both sentences were made with very little preamble so it seems he just said it to get ahead of accusations he knew would be coming given everything PJMs have been saying for months about how ‘mistreated’ Jimin is for apparently not having things like a cake shown on camera or apparently not having any real control over his promotion tools from BigHit.

If that’s the case, then it’s interesting because it implies the members are aware of all the noise around his cake and promotions, including Jimin and Tae, and just like Yoongi tried to get ahead of ‘mistreatment’ claims with his own comments on how they control the spending on their budgets, Tae’s comments sound like he’s trying to shut down those mistreatment claims that started around FACE’s release too, and it makes me wonder how Jimin feels about all this, if it’s something he talks to the other members about, if it’s something they laugh about, or if it’s a pain point for him. The other members can see all that’s going down, see all the insane and pointless rhetoric coming out of fan spaces, and are now explaining things like why we don’t see a cake on camera….

It’s not been surprising that after all the talk about how we should treat these grown men like they have agency, how we shouldn’t infantilize them, etc… but when push comes to shove, when faced with a practical example of a grown man being able to handle his affairs including whether or not he gets or has a cake, because it’s not the option fans prefer they immediately toss all that caution to the wind, reaching for the scenario in which he is most powerless, most helpless, and most in need of their help. It’s not surprising because it happens all the time, and is in fact the reason topics like ‘infantilization’ of k-pop idols, ‘saviour complex’ in k-pop stans, and questions around agency and privilege of idols in k-pop, become topics of discourse here in the first place.

Because we all know, when issues start to impact our favourites, suddenly all those topics lose meaning. Suddenly, the arguments then become:

- Tae coming online to say that has to be the company controlling him to do damage control so they can continue mistreating other members,

- Tae is complicit in the abuse of his bandmate,

- Tae is a bad person anyway who is jealous of Jimin, and who sends his fans and shippers to attack Jimin.

…

This is how narratives based on speculation, conjecture, and overall feelings, take on a life of their own in this pressure cooker environment that is fandom, and become living breathing things that persist for months or even years until the members spell out that those narratives don’t apply to them. And even then that doesn’t always kill it. Because oftentimes, these narratives exist more for the fan, as a way to explain to themselves in a way consistent with that fan’s own worldview, what is happening within HYBE’s black walls in Seoul that this fan has no real way of knowing. These ‘mistreatment’ narratives around all the debuts in Chapter 2, are products from fans, made by fans for fans, and most times actually have nothing to do with the real facts around the guys in BTS. Facts that none of us are privy too until (usually) the members themselves reveal it with time, and when that happens the real facts don’t line up with the dominant narratives in fan spaces. Like, at all.

Jimin isn’t one to talk unless he absolutely needs to, or feels like it. I’ve noticed he seems to confound his biases and solos, and now after Tae’s live, there’s good reason to think at least Jimin and Tae are aware, and yet he doesn’t deem any of this hoopla as worth responding to. Or at least, not yet. And we know Jimin is not the sort to instigate his fans on purpose and then dip. He’s not cruel. My pet theory is that if we trust that he’s capable of handling his affairs, that all the other members wouldn’t look on while any one of them was being mistreated, then Jimin is solely focused on his new projects in Chapter 2. That’s what is actually important and so that is what he’s focusing on. Perhaps when PJM2 is out he’ll directly address many of these issues. I expect this could happen, but he’ll be more subtle than Tae about it.

We’ll see.

#bts #jimin #park jimin #Taehyung #kim taehyung #bts chapter 2 #Taehyung Wlive #BTS army #BTS fandom #fandom behaviour #fandom discourse

[teaveetamer]

It's like. The tone of Raxie's sporking is completely different. He's often directly mocking characters or the author or the vague concept of edelcrits, rarely talking about writing or storytelling decisions. He's kinda just repeating what's in the text, but mockingly. Like BWIIDT starts her whole thing by talking about the framing used in a conversation, and the ways it shifts and changes topics to absolve YKB of blame. That guy just jumps, nearly contextless into a fic that most people are unfamiliar with (due to it being long, focused on a poly ship, and not recommended as required reading), and immediately starts shutting all over it. It's "this thing sucks" not "here's is why and how this thing sucks".

But behind all that, it's just super uncalled for? Like, where does Reyna come into this conversation? It's obviously in response to BWIIDT's sporking, but BWIIDT started hers because so many people were calling that fic integral to understanding YKB. I really don't see people saying that about Reyna's fic, and I certainly don't see her saying that about her own fic. She's writing it for her own personal satisfaction, and she's very plain about that. It's rude to go into someone's yard and shit in their sandbox

These are different anons but I am combining these. This is the last I want to say about this situation in particular.

To the second anon: yes this is actually very typical behavior for him. BWIIDT actually recommended a bunch of fics a while back and he went and left the authors extremely nasty, snide comments. Literally just because she recommended them. It does not surprise me at all that he would stalk the "villain Edelgard" tag looking for material. I mean that's what he does on Tumblr, I don't see why it woul dbe different on AO3.

I think it really speaks to the very warped mindset a lot of people who still engage in 3H discourse have.

Like they genuinely go into a 3H discussion thinking it's personal. When they're insulted by something it's deeply personal and they assume everyone else must be just as insulted by it. They cannot fathom that people out there do not take the anime chess game as seriously as they do. And they think that the only solution to their hurt is an eye for an eye, to make "the enemy" hurt as bad as they do.

And I think that's the thing this guy just doesn't get about why he keeps getting called out.

I don't continue to talk about what's going on with him because I want to participate in 3H discourse or because I'm mad about video game opinions or whatever he likes to claim whenever he gets called out. I don't care about his 3H opinions. I don't think I've ever even read any of them.

I only bring him up because he has demonstrated, repeatedly, that when he's left to his own devices he is destructive to himself, to the people he targets, and to the FE community as a whole. And, sadly, the only reason he has ever been relevant and the only reason he will ever be relevant is because he hurts others, and instead of reflecting on that he takes glee in it. He justifies it. He enjoys it. He, a 35 year old man, is proud that this is what he's known for. Because he'd rather be known for being a destructive, damaging person than never be known at all. And that says more about him than he wants to admit.

[princesssszzzz]

If you have any what's your opinion on all the hate daenaera's been getting?

I don’t get how anyone can hate an angel, what did she ever do other than smile and be pretty. I’ve seen comments calling her stupid and saying she shouldn’t exist and it sounds like repackaged Nettles slander lmfao. Literally the same but it’s another character. Right down to the “the story should be altered” and “she’s too young.” But I mean ironically the alterations hotd will make would be aging her up the same way they did everyone else. Really some people get upset when the story doesn’t give them what they want I don’t like canon plot points being changed (Laenor, Aemond, whitewashing, etc.) especially when GRRM writes everything for a reason and anyone wanting a girl to prove or justify her life...the misogyny side eye I have. We start off with a Targaryen & Velaryon wedding and it’ll end off with one to start the next chapter for the Targaryen dynasty. If anything people hating a fictional innocent girl just shows how insane the fandom is.

I haven’t paid attention to hotd fandom discourse for a while tbh so I haven’t seen any post recently. Craziest one I saw months ago was that her children shouldn’t be hers so it’s gone from “I wish this was altered” to “this entire bloodline should be changed.” Just bonkers smh. Anywho I’m excited to see how Daenaera & Aegon cope with being orphans and they’ll have to bring back the Daemon/Vaemond situation I love the drama. The symbolism of marriage bringing together split apart families because Targaryens put the Velaryons through alot throughout the dance so they get solace. They’re both the blood of Old Valyria, and needed repair after the damage and mistrust. I hope Rhaena gives Daenaera a ride on Morning also because the girl likes dragons let her ride a dragon 😭😭 Post-dance with Morning and Aegon getting to marry girl who’s trying to be resilient despite all the death everyone had to endure, it’s obvious that optimism and light at the end of the tunnel is a theme after they lose so much and Daenaera is apart of that. Daenaera being Queen is literally the resolution. “Hope and good feeling reigned over the Red Keep as the new year dawned.” So I just don’t get wanting the conflict to be ongoing or wanting to rebuff House Velaryon. Then we have much needed portrayal of trust between Baela/Rhaena and Aegon iii when the Targaryens just had siblings fighting for the throne. The most important for Daenaera (to me) is the light v dark battle with their personality difference and her love for dragons/him being rumored to kill dragons is just so !!!! Daenaera’s personality is Baela/Rhaena mixture it’s so interesting. It also just lets me know book!Aegon iii is not a pervert, it’s the familiarity and comfort from who he knows won’t hurt him coming from Daenaera that draws him to her nothing sexual. GRRM wants the Targaryen bloodline to be from Targaryen/Velaryon blood so anyone that really hates that is gonna have to write fanfiction 🤷‍♀️

Everyone has narrative punishments btw. Because of Corlys Velaryons suffer nonstop even post dance it’s like a curse on their house, Greens die off, Rhaena loses Morning and Aegon iii loses his innocence but the biggest punishment is that the dynasty falls because of their lack of dragons which they did to themselves

#it’s written great no reason to hate a girl because it doesn’t go another way #grrm gives the throne to unsuspecting king or queen #the next book will end the same way #hotd asks #house of the dragon #asoiaf #daenaera velaryon #aegon iii targaryen #post dance #I have more thoughts on Daenaera her relationship with Aegon and her kids but I think I answered your question 😂 #hotd thoughts #pre asoiaf #fire and blood

[bugkrumch]

Physical media discourse on here feels... weird (this is a long post)

I agree on a fundamental level that the move towards drm-based streaming licenses is bad, and that the perpetual-personal-content license (read: the license most DVDs are under) is a thing we should maintain, at least as a stopgap until the vanguard of communism empowers us to rewrite IP law.

That said, the language positioning Physical vs Digital, the insistence that anything other than physical media is bad, and the upholding of DVDs as a gold standard, all read to me as kinda tech-iliterate, and thus ignorant of the real issue at hand.

The primary issue with streaming, which folks on Tumblr *have* correctly identified, is to do with Access control.

The primary issue with streaming is that it requires a regular subscription payment, to exclusively view content under a license that can be revoked at any time for any reason.

This is the mechanism by which Netflix can kick you off your friend's account, this is also the mechanism by HBO can scrub Infinity Train from existence as a tax write-off.

This system is unequivocally bad, and the reason it's bad is because of DRM and Access Control. This may seem pedantic, but is an important distinction.

Let's take a look at DVDs now. Most DVDs are distributed under a license that grants you perpetual access to view in a private setting, but not to redistribute the content.

This is what that FBI warning that plays at the top of every DVD is trying to tell you, and is why ripping a DVD, while simple, is technically illegal.

Because the video file is hard-encoded into the DVD, and its proliferation largely predates the IOT zeitgeist, *most* DVDs don't contain any access control measures beyond that legal text, but this is not universal.

This is a great video outlining FlexPlay, an ill-faded technology that used a disk with light-sensitive material, that over the course of about a week or two, blacked out the disk rendering its contents un-viewable.

I bring this up because it highlights two issues.

One, DVDs aren't a physically resilient technology.

Disks are fragile, and even moderate scratches or damage can render a disk unreadable. This is a point of contention retro gamers have had for years, because while their NES cartridges still work, their PS1 disks don't.

This is not even to mention how the plastic of every broken disk still exists somewhere in the world, and will for centuries.

Two, it shows that IP conglomerates, have been at this for years, and won't be stopped in putting Access control into DVDs.

This means that buying DVDs of new shows forever is not an end-game solution. Unless you are content to stop consuming new media, eventually you're going to encounter a DRM protected disk.

To use another more recent example, remember when the Xbox One came out? They had this giant controversy over how playing a game locally on the disk still required online access to Microsoft's servers.

Your physical media could be locked right up for any reason by the platform itself. How can we trust that if DVDs or Blu Ray made a comeback that they would not suffer the same fate?

So where do we go from here, if physical media isn't safe?

Let's consider what digital video *is*. It's a file, same as any other. .mp4 .mov

Some, like .mp4 support DRM-encryption (although don't always contain any). Others, like .ogv exist free from DRM, thanks open source software developers.

Likewise, with a DRM encrypted digital file, because all of the data is hosted locally, just encrypted, there are ways to remove or bypass that encryption, because the VAST majority of cyber-security depends on a lack of knowledge.

This website has a number of very good resources both on drm-free digital storage mediums, and the process of removing certain types of DRM from digital files, (and was my primary resource for this paragraph)

https://www.defectivebydesign.org/so_youve_got_some_questions_do_you#:~:text=To%20avoid%20DRM%20and%20other,webm)%2C%20or%20Daala.

Storing your media as unlocked files presents the best of both worlds.

You have full control over access to your media, you own those files just as much as you own the hard drive you store them on.

You can buy media online, so long as the distributor gives you a media file instead of a streaming portal. You can also choose to obtain media files through other means, that's none of my business.

And you can do some really cool stuff like setting up a self-hosted media server, allowing you streaming-like remote access to all of your media, without ceding any ownership over that media. (Jellyfin is the most popular open-source solution but there are others) https://jellyfin.org/

And absolutely none of this is to mention the ways in which you can SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL LIBRARY, WHO MOST LIKELY HAS STREAMING OPTIONS.

In the US most public libraries maintain Kanopy and hoopla memberships, allowing you to access streamed content from your local library.

This has the added benefit of keeping the library's usage statistics up, which often helps them with securing more funding.

While you don't own the media, you also don't have to pay for it, and you crucially don't have to give your money to streaming services and IP hoarders.

It requires 0 technical background, and presents a more sustainable and equitable view of what streaming can look like.

So in conclusion:

Make sure you own the content you're paying for, and accept nothing less.

Don't be convinced that your DVDs are immune.

Learn some basics about networking, filetypes, cyber security and self-hosting if you really care about this stuff.

Support Open Source Software

Support Your Local Library

#physical media #dvds #DRM #Digital rights #self hosting #networks #disk horse #Youtube

[scarsmood]

Hi everyone so this is something I immediately wanted to address as soon as I realized. I'm sure a lot of people that have interacted with me over the years have seen me going in depth about KFF discourse and citing experiences I had gotten from the community to use as points in my argument.

I looked back. For 3 years none of these conversations existed. I am really a person who uses evidence to back my claims but like waking up from the worst dream I can't find a single trace of anything.

I believed I had about 10~ solid accounts and descriptions of how KFF impacted that person specifically, then about another 10-15 that were less defined more of just agreeing and had less detail.

None of them exist. At all. Ever. Every post i checked where I had seen these reactions do not exist, the dm's i thought i received do not exist, and discord messages i thought i went back and fourth about with it also do not exist.

If this was a case of data being lost you would still find traces but this isnt the case. Rather it seems like for the past 3 years ive been harboring false memories of events that occurred. I want to reiterate of those 3 years up until this point i was 100% confident these accounts were real. It was only when i decided to pull them up a few days ago to "go over it again" did i realize they never existed.

I can't tell you why. I still know details about each of those 10 events. I remember having the conversations and what posts fostered them. They still don't exist.

So that's been a lot for me to accept but heres what im going to do going forward.

Posts i made that were pro my stance are going to be edited at the beginning that the argument is not credible. I dint think deleting it would be beneficial due to how reblogs work so i'll do my best to correct it.

My stance is going to be a lot more strict on kinning for fun because i dont have any reason not to be no one has told me its been harmful to them as otherkin

If i can't cite someone by name, then its not going in my argument. That means anonymous accounts will no longer be considered since they could be so easily lost to time.

KFF isn't a big conversation anymore, regardless if it comes back i'll be focused more on bringing up tangible evidence that can be seen like screenshots and being able to @ someone of their specific accounts.

So yep yeah. Im feeling. Horrible. But more so i need to correct all the damage I did and misinformation i posted. Ough.

#otherkin #therian #kff #discourse

[opinated-user]

https:// www.tumblr.com/lily-orchard/702626866063982592/reminder-that-most-terfs-are-straight-women-there?source=share

I-is she just stupid or willfully ignorant? "There is no significant anti-trans faction of lesbians and bi women." Don't make me fucking laugh Lily.

LO's right but considering that she has no actual contact with the LGBT+ community at large outside of what happens to conveniently be around her, she's also probably wrong somewhere. the most powerful TERFs out there, the ones making laws and having the most money to put on the pockets of the politicians that will support their causes, are indeed straight. rowling, dave chapell, the author of Irreversible Damage (as far i could tell at least), maya forstater (the person that rowling supported for not getting her contract renewed after being openly transphobic), the people behing the hate group known as the LGB alliance are all cis straight people who all have helped to spread TERF ideology around the world. however, as anyone who follows any of those figures can testify, TERFs do love to weaponize lesbians and pit them against trans people. the entire point of doing that is to create division among the community so they're easier to attack and dismantle (the same reason why they push for the "q slur discourse" too). on top of that, some TERF have come to call themselves "politicial lesbians", meaning they're straight women who refuse to date men but can't feel anything towards women romantically or sexually. that kind of rethoric ("we have to protect lesbians!") is attractive for at least some lesbian and gay men who will have to chance to be validated on their previous transphobia and give them a space to grift comfortably. arielle scarcella is the easiet example of this, going from a somewhat progressive LGBT educator to an openly conservative, openly reactionary convenient mouthpiece to voice transphobia from a lesbian perspective, validating the bigotry further. magdalen berns was another lesbian who rowling even mentioned on her TERF manifest who did the same thing before scarcella but much more directly, responding to almost every big trans youtuber she could find to misgender them and repeat over and over about how wrong and gross they were for being trans. once again, the movement "lesbian not queer" is a TERF lead movement that has become increasingly vocal on the last few years that has gained some legitimacy on the public by publishing transmisogynistic disgusting hit pieces on the BBC. all of this is true and incontroversial. TERFs are not good not even for cis lesbians, but some cis transphobic lesbian will share their same point of view and help them out whenever possible because it validates their pre-existent bigotry. it's important to remember however that these figures are just the louder ones. most cis lesbians do really only want to live their lives and don't care about making any sort of war against anyone. they might still be transphobic (since that is an ongoing problem with the community at large, along with other forms of bigotry that are present) but won't openly support TERFs. they don't want to be used by TERFs either as pawns but that is the position they were forced to be in against their will. LO's right for pointing that out. i do question however the point of that post. maybe she just felt like doing it, but i can't help to think that it's a little bit convenient considering how we have been calling her own specifically for spreading TERF ideology through her open queerphobia. her identity or the identity of any other person is not a defense when they start helping out to the goals of harmful people.

#lily orchard

[shipping-strawberry]

I wanna say foremost that I have absolutely nothing against Lacey. She seems like a very nice person, and I have seen her art— it is cute!

However, I don’t think she should return to Tumblr.

It’s not because I dislike her, or that I’m an anti, or anything like that. I support her, and I’m upset at the hate she’s getting. It gives me heartache.

But I really don’t think that Tumblr is healthy for her, particularly mentally. She’s already gotten very suicidal over hate these past few months, if not years. I’m worried that she may end up actually hurting herself, or worse.

Plus, the consistent harassment, suicide baits, death threats…I don’t think she should have to endure all that just to make positivity posts for us proshippers, sweet as they are.

All in all, her leaving Tumblr seems like a much better alternative than her remaking blogs over and over again just to get the same disgust and hate every time.

[TLDR at the bottom.]

hi there, anon!

i want to start off by saying that you most certainly do bring up a fair point, and you are right; lacey will keep getting harassed, no matter how many times she remakes her blog. antis will just keep digging through the proship tag to find her blog over and over and over again.

i will admit, though, i don't agree completely.

antis are sending her hate because she's a proshipper. we all know that. but that's not the only reason they do it; they want attention.

and that's why antis do what they do. that's why they send anon hate. that's why they crosstag. that's why they start discourse on proship posts. because they're attention-seeking little gremlins, desperate for people to notice them — wherever it's in a negative light or not.

i've wanted to say this to lacey for some time now, though i never did because i felt like it would be too rude, but she really should just avoid responding to anon hate altogether. i know she does it because she feels like she's standing up for herself, but it's so pointless, because surprise, surprise: antis aren't going to give two thirds of a fuck about what she has to say. she can cook up the best response with multiple articles and sources to back her up and prove her haters wrong, and guess what? they'll still call her a pedophile. it won't change a thing, because they'll still be starved for the attention that they get from her.

and honestly, every time i see lacey, or even just anyone in general respond to anon hate, i just mentally facepalm so hard, because guys — you're giving them what they want.

i don't know if it's obvious, but i myself am a very angry person in real life. i have extreme difficulty managing my anger, and i constantly go apeshit over even just the smallest of things. i've even had to seek help because of this behavior.

trust me — i know how tempting it can be to respond to anon hate. i know how much you will get the urge to just let loose and go off after reading an aggressive message in your inbox. but just don't do it. block them, report them, and keep the hate out of your inbox and away from your blog. at the end of the day, antis just want attention.

don't give them what they want.

don't give them that satisfaction.

and here's the thing: if there's one specific anti constantly harassing you on anon like lacey had, and you keep replying to all their asks, they're going to keep on harassing you.

and if you don't? they'll eventually fuck off and leave you alone, because they're not getting the attention that they desire from you.

if lacey wants to stop getting anon hate, then she needs to stop responding to it. because antis will just continue abusing her and using her as a source of attention. needless to say, they don't give a shit if they're hurting her and badly damaging her mental health. because they'll put their own desires ahead of anyone else's, because that's just what antis do.

want to know something? i discovered one of my friends is a proshipper very recently. and although they don't actually have any ships, because shipping is not really their thing, they told me that they used to run a (now deactivated) proship blog on tumblr with a few other people. and guess what? they have never received hate from antis. not once.

want to know why? because they didn't allow anonymous asks.

antis know that hiding behind the anonymous mask is a cowardly move. and they know that they're the ones in the wrong, because the moment a blog doesn't allow anonymous asks, they stay quiet.

tumblr is most certainly damaging for lacey's mental health. you are absolutely right about that. not even just that, but it can even be damaging for other people when they see those anon asks, too.

stepping away from tumblr is a great decision for her to make, and i can see why you think it's a good idea. i think it's a good idea, too. last time lacey had her blog deactivated, she took some time away from tumblr, which is probably what's best for her, and i think she's doing the same thing again.

but her mental health can be so much better if she just chooses to remain on the positive side if the community.

yes, when she decides to come back, there will be those nasty anons in her inbox again. i can guarantee that. but if she'd only stop responding to them, they will eventually leave her alone.

and if they don't, the simple solution is to just turn of anonymous asks. because that ensures the antis will fuck off completely.

things can be so much better for lacey if she just stops giving antis what they want. because then she can focus on happily posting her art and posting/reblogging positivity for proshippers. antis won't bother her again, and her mental health won't continue to get damaged.

i hope this didn't sound too rude, because that wasn't my intention at all. i just wanted to share about my thoughts on anonymous hate, and how to deal with it.

TLDR: antis want attention, so if lacey wants to stop getting anon hate, she needs to stop replying to it. replying to anon hate gives antis the attention they want, so please don't respond to them and give them that satisfaction. if you don't respond, the antis will eventually leave you alone because they're not getting the attention they want from you. turning off anon asks also ensures there will be no hate from antis whatsoever, because antis are cowards and are too scared to stop hiding behind the anon mask.

#ask #long post #proship #proship safe #anti anti #antis dni #anti harassment #proshippers please interact #not positivity #abuse mention #harassment mention

[luxurybrownbarbie]

I think that one natural hair anon was weird but I think I get what they’re saying. a lot of the natural hair movement was for us to see our hair as our crowns, and you seem to not have that same mindset, like maybe youre ashamed of it or something since youre always dyeing or straightening yours. 🤔

…Okay. What am I supposed to do about that?

Not to swing a bat at a hornet’s nest here, but I don’t see my hair as my crown. Sorry. It’s literally just a dead protein that grows out of my scalp. It’s a mass of slightly loose, z shaped coils. It grows super quickly in the winter and very slowly in the summer. It starts breaking when I’m under even the slightest amount of stress. I’ve damaged the hell out of it before; I’ve chopped it off and moved on.

The natural hair movement has been amazing to witness and be a part of, and I’m so happy it is in full swing. It is beyond important to reframe the view of our natural hair, be unashamed of it, and learn the right ways to take care of it. It is fantastic and empowering to view your hair as a crown. But you also have to understand that for others, their empowerment comes from viewing their hair as simply hair, and nothing more. For some, assigning importance and expounding the uniqueness of their natural hair gives them comfort and joy. As it should. For others, it’s about not letting their hair be something bigger than them, no matter what society may think. It brings them comfort and joy. As it should. Both views are valid, and should be respected.

I don’t want to see my hair as my crown. I want to know how to take good care of it, how to moisturize it well, and how to minimize (or fix) whatever damage I’ve put it through. For me personally, seeing my hair as my crown would be exceedingly detrimental, because I would spend my time agonizing over anything I did with it. As a little kid, I was afraid to even get a trim because I didn’t want to compromise it in any way. Now, I’ve shaved it off, straightened it, bleached it, permed it, put it in dreadlocks, etc.

The act of surviving as a WOC (especially a Black woman) in society is hard enough. Society makes a huge deal out of our natural hair; I don’t think it’s such a shocking thing that in my own life and day to day existence, I don’t want to put any more stock into it besides doing something fun with it or changing it up every couple of years.

My body is not a discourse temple, nor is it the site on which I fight all of society’s racism and sexism battles.

#and yes you can do all those things while viewing your hair as your crown #those things= bleach straighten dye perm etc #just in case people think I’m claiming the opposite #actually think I’ll turn off reblogs now lol #answered

[talesofsymphoniac]

Any of you who knows me know that I have had some Complicated Feelings about the Ace Discourse over the years. For a really long time I was very on board the "aces/aros aren't inherently queer" train, but at the same time, my personal lived experience made me extremely aware of how socially and systemically isolating it was to exist under that umbrella.

It's become a little more acknowledged lately that the way a bulk of people on this site spoke about ace/arospec identities at that time was, frankly, reprehensible bullying bullshit that sent the ace/aro community running for cover, and I for one can attest that that behavior severely damaged my ability to connect to a community that I would have immensely benefitted from being able to see and hear the experiences of. I'm glad to have it now. But I mourn the acceptance I might have felt earlier in my life if I had had access to it.

My feeling for a long time (and I still think this is the strongest framework to deal with asexuality personally) was that ace/arospec identity is more its own thing, in the way gender identity and sexual orientation are related but distinct. Just add asexuality/aromanticism as new sliders on top of that.

As for the question of inclusionsists vs exclusionsists, my take these days is this: I do not think being ace or aro is the same as being gay or lesbian or bisexual or trans, and I think that anyone who thinks it is has a severe misunderstanding of what it means to be one or more of those things. I also think that my identity and experience as someone on the ace/aro spectrum has left me feeling much more isolated and misunderstood and abandoned by society as a whole than my identity as a bisexual woman (in a conservative state!) ever has. Not every ace/arospec person out there necessarily considers themselves part of LGBTQ community or feels any connection to that, because the experience just isn't the same-- and surprise, ace/arospec people aren't a monolith-- but there are those that do, because their experiences navigating their attraction (or lack thereof) in a society that is not built to understand or accommodate it are marginalizing, complicated experiences. The fact is, there are a lot of themes overlapping between these communities, and I think it's inappropriate and honestly incorrect to tell anyone who feels a connection to the LGBTQ community on that basis that they just don't understand what the LGBTQ community is about or for.

I think the strongest argument exclusionsists have ever had is that the LGBTQ community developed the way it did in large part around the basis of fighting for political goals, and there aren't a lot of political goals to fight for with regards to ace/aro people. (Note that I say "not a lot of" and not "none"-- but that's a whole other post.) But I think that argument falls flat simply because that's only one aspect of queer culture-- the other part is the social goal. Having a community of people who don't conform to normative sexual/romantic standards, who understand the difficulties inherent in that on an individual and a systemic level, and who celebrate, accept, and educate others on the variety of the human sexual and romantic experience.

Basically, I still have complicated feelings about the inclusionist/exclusionist question. I think it's too binary. But these days I err heavily on the side of the inclusionsists because I think they are the ones who understand that when ace/aro people were asking for inclusion, they were not usually trying to say "our experiences are the same." They were trying to say "our experience of attraction keeps us outside the normative system in a way that is damaging to us. If anyone can understand that and care, it's this community. (Also a LOT of us are already LGBT.)" (When they did say the former, it was almost universally because that was what the standard seemed to be from the LGBT community around them-- we will care about your experiences only if you can somehow Prove they are equivalent to ours.)

And most critically, Ace/aro people who feel a belonging to the LGBTQ community are not there to steal acceptance or resources or out of some misplaced sense of persecution. They're there to do exactly what everyone else is doing-- fight for the rights of LGBTQ people. And when you step outside the internet and the intellectualization of the Ace Discourse, and look at purely the actual experiences of ace/aro people in LGBTQ spaces, I think that's exactly what you'll find.

#mine #asexuality #aromanticism #tagging this because it is important to me and i think ive fought too many years to not be able to say this stuff #and im hoping others will get where km coming from #but if any actual discourse gets started on this post that shits gettinf blocked on sight

[champagnepodiums]

While I agree that the thirst traps etc are probably helping with the growth of Ferrari's social media accounts, I wonder if it's not inadvertently damaging "Ferrari the brand™️". The point of social media is to benefit the brand and obviously the PR team will assess that they're doing a good job because of the massive amount of growth, but as we're always told in social media world "followers doesn't equal sales". So yes, maybe they have millions of new followers across all platforms, but how many of those followers are just there for ice bath content and don't actually watch the races vs how many actually care about the team, how many of them are coming to the track and buying merch and coming out to Ferrari events. I worry that this memefication of Ferrari's socials will alienate this second group of fans and more importantly, sponsors. I know that for potential new sponsors, millions of followers across your social media platforms is probably an attractive factor, so I don't think the suits at ferrari would care that much because they're making their money. But for all these years Ferrari has been an exclusive brand, and I think having that exclusivity would be an even more attractive opportunity for prospective sponsors (and sponsors with similar "brand weight" as Ferrari) because they'd want to align themselves with a "high value brand" (kind of like an Hermes effect), and I feel like Ferrari the f1 team has completely lost that feel of a prestigious brand. All the clown jokes have obviously originated from the on track performance, but I don't think the current social media strategy is helping to shift this narrative at all (not to mention the effect on the drivers image). You cant have your bio be all about your legacy as the most successful F1 team, but then post almost exclusively tik tok trends and driver thirst content. Idk, there's just a bit of a dissonance there. I don't want them to go back to how it was, that was definitely too stuffy, but now they've gone too far in the other direction. There's definitely a middle ground and I think they came close to it maybe 2 years ago where there was a good balance between simple race stuff and fun driver things. I think merc does a pretty good job of hyping their drivers, posting about race things, highlighting other team members and acknowledging their past accomplishments all while staying up to date with SM trends. Ferrari have got a new head of socal media and content that started this year I believe, so I wonder if this new pivot is to do with that while they find their way and especially how to deal with all the bad comments after a poor race. Sorry if this is all over the place, was getting my thoughts together while typing

So I think the really interesting thing that I'm noticing about this whole conversation/discourse around Ferrari's social media strategy is that there is almost this implication that Ferrari's social media admin is some rogue actor who has just made these decisions with no oversight and I would bet all of my money and all of my reputation on that being the complete opposite.

This brings me to what is the most interesting part of all of this is that this social media shift is a conscious choice by Ferrari. The social media team did not just decide that this content was what they were going to do all on their own. Marketing, legal, risk management, this was an involved decision which means that they've likely considered everything that you mentioned about fans, sponsors etc and they still decided that this was the best route to go.

I would give everything to have been in the board room for that discussion.

So I think everything you said is fair and valid criticism but ^^ is what I think is missing from this conversation which I don't know if that makes it worse or not? Like their strategy is definitely A Choice and I don't think we'll know any long-term effects on the Ferrari brand or the driver's personal brands for years.

#also don't apologize pls!!

[sersi]

hello elysia, i just wanted to say, as someone else who weathered the post-endgame anti-steve clown circus (which has continued far longer than it should've but lemme not rant) and suffered psychic damage from the worst takes possible, i am SO thankful for the steve content you've provided. like i'm not that into steggy but the care you put into your sets is so amazing and you illustrate the importance of their relationship in a way that fandom seems to either not get or willfully misunderstand. thank you so much for all you do and i hope you have an amazing rest of your day/night <3

Hiiiiiiiiii 🙋🏽‍♀️. This is honestly one of the nicest, most mentally rewarding asks I've ever gotten. And it is also got stuck/forgotten in my inbox because I was like “Oh I don’t have time to answer this properly right now”, mentally filed it as a Thing to Do Later, and then didn’t look at my inbox for a week.

So, that said, I’ve been stanning Steve for a literal decade and have been Through It™ multiple times because of him. Civil War era had me eagerly awaiting the day I would follow Chris out of the MCU and while that obviously didn’t happen, having already spent most of 2015 - 2018 engaging in increasingly aggressive curation of my online fandom experience really impacted my post-Endgame experience. It’s why I wasted no time in blacklisting aggressively. And why I was kind of already primed to communicate my love for Steve and his arc and some of the characters around him through gifset. I’ve seen so many wonky characterizations of Steve and his arc over the years that, rather than writing 1000 words about why I like some aspect of Steve’s arc only get told that something that definitely happened in canon didn’t actually happen, I prefer to have my visual Here It Is Happening In Canon references right there, in 268px or 540px widths.

I obviously don’t expect everyone to agree with or like my readings of canon--our taste in media is deeply personal and I absolutely get why Steve’s Endgame ending was never going to work for some people. But Steve is my favorite character EVER. I have thought about that man so much, for so long. I have, at one point or another, shipped almost all his popular ships. As a multishipper, I even have slightly different, not always fully compatible, readings of canon for my different Steve ships. So, one of the things that really bugged me back during peak Endgame discourse (and inspired/drove more than a few gifsets) was this notion that none of this had been set up in canon or that no one who liked the ending understood Steve’s character or his arc. Thankfully things have calmed down a ton since then, but, both with Steve and with my Other Faves, I still tend to put a ton of thought into how best to communicate the ideas behind my sets because, while impossible to fully control for, it is always my hope that my intentions (and love involved in the making of these sets) will be clear enough to break through whatever more fandom popular preconceptions people might have 🤷🏽‍♀️.

#and at a bare minimum i hope that the love involved will be apparent enough that people will realize they should Angry Yell in a new post #elysia's inbox

[soulvomit]

One of the things that I am finding interesting about modern autism discourse is how emotional and sensate the descriptions have shifted. I would not see myself in many modern autists and would not see myself as autistic based on their writing and it's what caused my ex to believe that actually I was probably just a heartless narcissist or sociopath. I'm the ice queen, the perpetual poker face. Sometimes I wonder if the discourse has shifted because we are seeing more people with female and adjacent experience in the discourse, I don't know, who live in very very different worlds about emotions. Who live in very different worlds about responding to their senses.

I feel like this is something I lost over a lifetime and even 10 years ago, I am more emotional than I am now.

I am not this self aware about my senses or my emotional world. My reaction is to shut down and withdraw, or to move through the world floating around in a bubble, and I'm certainly not hypervigilant about every person around me. Sometimes I only know I am feeling too much in the moment because suddenly I am very far away, feeling NOTHING. Sometimes I only know I'm in overload because my brain is suddenly running in Safe Mode. I have meltdowns occasionally yes, but I experience way more migraines. My body frequently tells me what I am feeling with Pain.

I have gotten so much shit because of my bubble and I feel like a lot of my masking is having to pretend I have more emotional range than I have, that I am affected by things on a deep level that I'm not. I often don't know what I am feeling about something until the next day when I find I am still thinking about it.

I was not allowed to have these kinds of feelings by my parents (who couldn't process them or cope and had major problems of their own), or even the world around me. I started learning early to stuff my feelings. A ton of my experience of being bullied, broken relationships, etc is related to emotional dysregulation. Yes I do live with being Too Much, in practice I feel like most people live with their emotions being a sliding scale while mine are like the occasional active volcano hidden under sheets of ice. But my Too Muchness gradually got stuffed deep inside over a lifetime. I don't relate anymore to having Big Feelings. Maybe when I was younger.

and in my looking into autism, I find lots of descriptions that indicate the writers are a million times more self aware at a much younger age and like my particular experience has either kind of been forgotten or it's not autism at all.

Except I relate to other aspects of the described autistic experience.

Do modern autists just describe their feelings differently? Was my generation and older just encouraged to suffer in silence, and I'm experiencing a cognitive emotional break with Zoomers the way there is a vast difference in emotional language and sensate language between Silents and Gen X (Boomers had to outright make up a ton of emotional and social language to talk about their feelings at all.)

That said, this may dovetail into "older autists didn't have lots of meltdowns or talk about having lots of deep feelings, they were often just alcoholics" discourse.

also: I relate to NT-written works about autism because ALL I HAVE TO GO ON with myself is observed behavior. This actually helped me, because I NEEDED to know how I was perceived, that was Quality Information for surviving the world. I have very little emotional memory and remember a lot of stuff in third person (this may be psychic damage of learning NLP adjacent stuff early, I don't know.) All I have to go on, are other people's descriptions! I often don't relate to people's descriptions of interior life. And part of that is my own kind of literalism because someone else's experience is not my own, after all.

It has catastrophic failure mode because I have no memory of my feelings much of the time, and OTHER PEOPLE ARE ABLE TO EDIT MY MEMORIES.

and I spend a lot of time NOT KNOWING WHAT I FELT ABOUT A THING LAST TIME so I'm able to make the same mistake over and over. I do not develop emotional pattern recognition.

like, being Robot Style is a fucking failure mode. I have envied people with Big Feelings all my life. I partner with people with Big Feelings because they're the only kind I recognize as feelings at all and most NTs actually seem like emotionless robots to me.

but I definitely don't experience my own emotional wiring that way.

I also don't have the same degree of social hypervigilance at all. I walk through the world in kind of a suit of armor

#I wonder if part of the problem is that autist writers tend to generalize their own autism to the autistic experience #And tend to select the testimonials that most resemble themselves #I don't relate to Aspergirls AT ALL for example #It's like there is a weird push too to kind of erase the experience of Robot Autists and I don't know if it's that Robot Autists aren't #writing about their feelings and experiences online or writing books #Or that Empath Autists feel a strong need to reassure people that autists aren't sociopathic robots and there is #discourse overcorrection happening