#on the meaning of sex

[lilacsupernova]

Lesbian feminist Julie Bindel being attacked by a bearded man in June 2019 would, under normal circumstances, have been seen as an occurrence of men's violence against women, as well as a hate crime against homosexuals. Yet when the attacker claimed that he was a woman, this analysis was entirely nullified. The attacker turned out to be a rabid Twitterer, who on top of all things called himself Cathy Brennan after a famous feminist. Progressive commentators came out in support of the perpetrator and claimed that Bindel was the actual perpetrator of violence due to her views. What we see here is a symbolic reversal, eerily similar to that which occurs in abusive relationships, where the perpetrator assumes the role of victim. This generally referred to as DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. Men assuming the role of women and then perpetuating violence against women is an extremely advanced form of gaslighting which presumably has very little to do with wanting to be trans or a woman. What we are dealing with is a neo-patriarchal political movement whose purpose is to silence and intimidate women. By sporting a beard and behaving violently, “Brennan” sends clear signals to women that he is a dominant male, while simultaneously claiming that he is oppressed both as a woman and as a trans woman and thus deserves sympathy. But both personas in the same body are not possible: a bearded biological man who does not pass as a woman cannot be treated like, nor oppressed like, a woman by society nor be the object of transphobia. Claiming otherwise is an advanced form of manipulation, in which both the role of the oppressor and the oppressed are occupied by “Brennan” himself, leaving the woman without a position. The underlying message is all too familiar: the woman spoke, and thus provoked the man to hit. Indeed, it is possible to analyse the violence and boycott campaigns around “terf”-accusations as patriarchy entering into DARVO-mode. While the patriarch of old would proudly state that he is the one in charge and no disobedience is tolerated, the trans-era brotherhood achieves the same by claiming victim status, and declaring that any female who disobeys us in fact dictator.

– Kajsa Ekis Ekman (2023) On the Meaning of Sex: Thoughts on the New Definition of Woman, pp. 290-1.

#kajsa ekis ekman #on the meaning of sex #feminism #radical feminism #julie bindel #darvo #male violence #trans #lilac posts

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[butchdykekondraki]

14k moonwalker

#look at my wife ok. #og tags -> #[ren] #um. i mean what who said that you guys..... #preemptive ''this post is about wanting to have gay sex with a computer''

[collaredkittyboy]

#meme #if you dont understand this you probably have really boring shitty sex #not sorry #oml one of my stupid vanilla friends is arguing with me about this #he says because top and dom usually coexist means theyre basicslly synonymous #no #hes dumb and if he didnt live in canada id punch him #thank god i never fucked this guy it would be so boring

[pickled-flowers]

Sex positivity is also about not calling Ace people prude and using virgin as an insult 👍 hope that helps

#sex positivity is also respecting sex lives that dont look like yours #or lack thereof #and insulting people by saying they dont fuck make you sound stupid <3 #im sorry i just cant take people who use their sex lives as a flex seriously its just not my thing! #like yea having lots of kinky sex is cool but not having sex and not being interested by sex is also cool #one is not better than the other the human experience is just very varied and diverse #its normal you wont understand everyone your brain isnt even made to comprehend how many human there are in the world #but we should all have spaces to navigate our sex lives as we wish even if that means interacting with sex as a subject as little as possibl

[thriftdyke]

it really does bother me how no one can seem to answer the question “what even is romantic attraction, really.” like some people are like “it’s who you wanna kiss and cuddle <3” and I’m like ok well kisses and cuddles can be either sexual or platonic depending on context. “It’s who you feel passion/desire/arousal for” well that just sounds like sexual attraction which you can have without even knowing somebody so I fail to see how that’s romantic. “It’s who you want to go on dates with” I go on dates with friends all the time plus “date” is a social construct anyway there’s really no innate difference between a date and hanging out. “it’s who you have deep feelings for” great news for you that can be literally any type of relationship. my friend told me she defined it as “who you wanna give roses to” and I’m like do u hear urself??? like the more I talk to people the more I’m convinced romance and romantic attraction is an elaborate socially fabricated illusion that has no real defining characteristics. and like there’s nothing Wrong with it being a constuct but why people are so attached to defending the supremacy of it is something I cannot for the life of me figure out

#like reading this u might be like ‘sounds like ur just aromantic sis’ but I’m like. listen. #ur missing my point. which is that I literally think romance Does Not Exist #at least not in this bioessentialist way people like to pretend it does #the desire for companionship and the desire for sex are biological drives. everything else is a social construct #which doesn’t mean its bad! or not valid! or anything like that! #but I’m just genuinely do not understand Why we are so bent on treating it like gospel

[strawberryfemm]

to you it’s perverted gross sex. to me it’s being creative, working through traumas and baggage, healing my inner child, playing, practicing intense vulnerability, finding even more ways to fall in love with my partner, finding more ways to fall in love with myself, learning confidence & how to ask for what i want, care work, emotional release, relaxing, community building, theater, dance, writing, problem solving, therapy, radical honestly, and so much more. and also it’s gross perverted sex.

#sex is just so. everything to me #i feel like i’ve grown so much w it and wouldn’t be who i am without the kind of sex i have with other perverted gross sex weirdos <3 #and it’s like never just sex with me. #i mean sometimes it is but. i love a theme and motif #mine

[fruitface]

mean girls (for the gay girls!)

#mean girls 2023 #wlwedit #wlwgif #mean girls the musical #renee rapp #angourie rice #bebe wood #auli'i cravalho #meangirlsedit #the sex lives of college girls #every day 2018 #love victor #crush 2022 #leighton x alicia #lake x lucy #aj x paige #femalegif #tvedit #filmedit #* #THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT! #event of the new year for me #wanted to use angourie in mare of easttown but that god awful lighting... #my sisters and i still cant believe this casting

[lilacsupernova]

A post- postmodernist world of gender?

And at the turn of the millennium, something occurred with the term gender: it stopped wandering around, froze and turned to stone. Suddenly it was no longer a system to be subverted, but an individual identity – no longer a cultural construct, no longer even something people do. At that point, gender became something a person is, an eternal inner essence beyond culture and power structures, even beyond genitalia. Now, gender is said to be something innate that no society on earth can change. We are being told that gender emanates from within us and only we ourselves can know is truth – list your pronouns and I will know who you are! Once you discover your gender, there is no turning back and no doubt - this is the real you. You 'are' woman, man, non-binary, trans or agender and have therefore always been so.

This is a giant step away from queer theory. In fact, postmodernism and queer theory seem rather outdated. They were merely stepping stones that abolished the notion of material sex, whose ruins the new-fangled essentialism then built on. The grand narrative now returns, claiming to own the truth about gender. Cue the cliche's about pink/blue, dolls/weapons, makeup/machines, passive/active.

This ideological shift from sex, to sex/gender, to gender, to gender/sex, represents a shift from metaphysics to dialectical materialism to postmodernism to postmodern essentialism. However, seamless the change might appear, it is important to not that in gender identity theory, we are dealing with an idea that diverges significantly from queer theory in its basic tenets. Whereas queer theory saw everything as discourse and nothing as real, gender identity theory in fact sees gender as very real and innate. Whereas queer theory was engaged in a constant, parodic, satirical subverting of gender, gender identity establishes that the discovery of ones true gender is a final verdict – and a deadly serious matter. Whereas [Judith] Butler postulated gender was an external system, imposing itself on us through interpellation, making us succumb, gender identity theory sees gender as a truth coming from the inside.

This postmodern essentialism is strange indeed, a biological determinism without biology, where the idea of becoming who you want to be is combined with the belief in gendered souls. Yet this is the only possibility for patriarchy to return inside neoliberalism. This way, one maintains notions of individual liberty at the same time as strict rules on gender return with a full blast. (Patriarchy also returns outside the neoliberal paradigm, with a conservative backlash on abortion rights and a clamping down on female sexuality, but this current is unable to fully penetrate ideologically progressive societies and circles.) Biological determinism of old was monolithic and fateful: born in a woman's body, you were told your brain was unfit for higher office. There was no escape. Anyone trying to break boundaries would hit their head against a wall. As opposed to that, biological determinism of today, gender identity-style, is fragmented: body and soul are said to each have a sex of their own. Thus, an escape route is inbuilt: anyone who feels their gender role is too narrow is given the opportunity to change and find a 'truer' self. Both determinisms juxtapose gender and sex, but in reverse order: sex determines gender versus gender determines sex.

– Kajsa Ekis Ekman (2023) On the Meaning of Sex: Thoughts on the New Definition of Woman, pp. 93-4.

#kajsa ekis ekman #on the meaning of sex #feminism #gender #postmodernism #queer theory #biological reality #lilac posts

[spineless-lobster]

June - pride month, new janelle monet album

July - disability pride month, what we do in the shadows season 5, barbie, good omens season 2

August - heartstopper season 2, new hozier album, red white and royal blue film

September - bbc ghosts series 5, sex education season 4, disenchantment season 5, mitski

October - our flag means death season 2, halloween, magnus archives: protocol

Y’all the gays keep fucking winning

#hehehehheheheh we never lose!!!!!!!!! #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #barbie 2023 #good omens 2 #heartstopper #hozier #bbc ghosts #ofmd #our flag means death #red white and royal blue #mitski #sex education netflix #disenchantment

[theygender]

The more I learn about judaism the more I wonder where tf christianity got all its bad shit. Why is divorce a sin in christianity when judaism has recognized the right to divorce for nearly a millennia and has codified religious laws for it. Why does christianity consider sex to be dirty (to the point where puritans considered it a sin to enjoy having sex with your own spouse) when in judaism it's considered holy and it's a literal mitzvah to have sex with your spouse on the sabbath. Why does christianity consider it a sign that you're faithless if you question your religion when in judaism that's considered an essential part to developing your faith. I'm probably stating the obvious here but I still can't get over the fact that there's no historical basis to any of this shit before christianity started, it's like christians just said "hey guys what if we took the torah and built a new religion around it but this time it was actively hostile to human life"

#rambling #disclaimer this isnt about individual christians im speaking about the religious trauma i experienced in my own life etc etc #these are just a few examples that I've noticed but they're definitely something #the part about sex in particular shocked me bc sex is pretty much viewed as actively evil in a lot of christian denominations #like you should only do it to create children and if you take pleasure in it (even if its with your own spouse) youre a dirty sinner #there arent as many examples like this nowadays but if you read puritan laws about sex it's like #you're allowed to have sex with your wife basically 10 times a year but you have to be fully clothed with the lights off #and you cant have sex on a holiday or a sunday and you cant touch each other and you have to try as hard as possible to hate it #literally WHERE did that mindset come from?? like for real #in judaism having sex with your spouse is basically considered a celebration of everything holy #and if you have sex on the sabbath (the holiest day in the jewish calendar—above every holiday) #its considered TWICE as holy #make it make sense #this is one of the things people mean when they say that lumping judaism in with christianity as 'abrahamic' religions is meaningless #theyre literally nothing alike #the only similarity is the torah but thats only half of the christian bible and one third of the jewish one #AND christianity interprets most of it completely differently from how judaism does #im tired #greatest hits #hall of fame

[shirkers2018dirsanditan]

biological differences between men and women are inherently neutral. they do not indicate male superiority over female people. to suggest so is inherently sexist. to complain when female sports cater to female anatomy - such as the smaller balls in the wnba because women tend to have smaller hands - is what sexists do. they want women to be forced to prove ourselves according to standards designed for men because they want to see us fail. it is sexist to argue that women who wish to compete on their own terms are pronouncing themselves as inferior. nobody said that but you. because you’re a sexist that hates women

#and beyond physical differences #there are long standing historical social inequities #that produce disparities between men and women that have nothing to do with anatomy #how we build both female and mixed sex spaces has to take these into account too #none of this means women are inferior #unless you hate women

[prokopetz]

One of the more entertaining consequences of broadcast standards for children's media during the 1980s is that villains weren't allowed to express or directly imply the desire or intent to kill the protagonist, but they were allowed to openly state their intention to eat the protagonist – provided that at least one of the hero or the villain were non-human.

(i.e., human villain expressing the desire to eat a non-human protagonist: okay; unambiguously monstrous villain expressing the desire to eat a human protagonist: okay; human villain expressing the desire to eat a human protagonist: not okay.)

This often led to interesting characterisation choices, like Shredder's strange preoccupation with making the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles into soup in the 1987 series – he's not allowed to threaten to kill them, but he can freely threaten to eat them!

#media #tropes #violence mention #death mention #cannibalism mention #i mean technically not *really* cannibalism because the villain and the hero were never the same species #but we don't really have a better tag for 'eating a sapient creature' #well #okay #we don't really have a better tag for *non-sexually* eating a sapient creature #sex mention in tags

[knifearo]

this year my challenge for everyone is to unlearn the association between love and morality. love is not something that is inherently morally good, and the absence of love is not something that is inherently bad. sex without love isn't morally bankrupt, it's just an action. people without love aren't less kind or less good, they're just people. when we can get past this false (and often unnoticed) dichotomy of good love/evil lovelessness then i think we are going to be able to take leaps and bounds in sex positivity, aro advocacy, certain discussions of mental health...

#and also. not the direct focus. but love doesn't make things good. you can be in love and do terrible terrible things. #people do bad things in the name of love and in despite of love all the time. #but!! imagine a world where people could exist as people and not be demonized. #sex positivity means being cool about All sex. reexamine your internal systems of moral judgement. #this goes for sex workers. for aroallo people. especially aroallo men. for aro people in general who might enjoy sex. #and frankly i think it can easily bleed into discussions about mental health disorders around 'not feeling' certain things #especially demonizing ppl who don't feel as much empathy. i think there's definitely a correlation between that and the emphasis on love. #our support needs to go out to Everybody and i think these things are all structured together in one way or another!! #it might not be immediately obvious but when i tell you it all leads back to amatonormativity..... little bit wild.... large bit wild.... #anyway. horror movie psychopath 'oh he can't feel emotions or love' damn alright. well. let's take a closer look at that. #silly that there's an association between lack of love and Murdering. feel like that might affect some stuff. #love is just an emotion/a feeling it doesn't mean anything about you one way or another #same with empathy. you can feel it all you want but it doesn't inherently change the actions you choose to take #anyway. thesis statement. there is a socially constructed link between love and morality. unlearn that. #kiss kiss (<— lovelessly) #aromantic #aromanticism #arospec #talking #aroace #aspec #sex positivity

[creatureimages]

look at the absolute size of this archimantis!!!!!!!!

look at the mantis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#praying mantis #mantis #mantodea #mantidae #archimantis #these guys can eat birds!!!!! #absolutely wonderful #not sure if male or female. according to wiki the females can't fly but it's unclear whether that means #'completely groundbound and reliant on jumps' or 'can sort of ungracefully fly' #and im awful at sexing mantids

[soldier-poet-king]

Larian really pulling a reverse uno by focusing hard on astarion's prettyboy flirt vibe in all the marketing and then making his arc about reclaiming bodily autonomy

I love them for it. It's everything I wanted from astarion. I'm obsessed with him.

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #astarion #ANYWAY I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS #just like..vibrating at my desk at work. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THEMES??? WHAT ABOUT TRAUMA AND RECOVERY #What about TRUST and HAND HOLDING AND HUGS AS MORE IMPORTANT SIGNS OF SAID TRUST THAN SEX #i mean we can also talk about hot vampires i am ALSO here for that #but hes my blorbo bc of the angst and thematic potential of it all