#only one chapter out and ive been thinking about it 24/7

[writing-fanics]

More Than Anything

Lucifer Morningstar x F!Reader

[summary: final battle lives lost but the show must go on!]

Masterlist > chapter I > chapter ii > chapter iii > chapter iv

[a/n: since it’s technically been a month Lucifer and Y/n’s relationship has blossomed but not into a romantic one just yet. Just maybe the occasional flirting but I will have flashbacks to moments to have it not feel rushed.]

[also y/n likes making cursed animal combinations like a dolphin with wings.. being in hell for a month has brought her out of her shell so much she’s much happier. also the reader is whatever height you are, but to me she's slightly taller than Lucifer. sorry if this seems rushed.. its alot of work y/n trained with vaggie in weapon combat. she also kinda had help from lucifer. if ya'll want I'll write another side chapter about what lucifer and her did in combat..]

word count: 3,789 {6-7 pages)

[warning: major spoilers for episode 7-8: mentions of sex: slight smut in the end (full poorly written smut in side chapter): death spoilers:

song

[Y/n] helped prepare the hotel while Charlie and Vaggie were out, she still couldn't help but think that if it all were to end tomorrow. Should she confess her feelings to Lucifer. She tried but failed weeks ago, and now with extermination day being 24 hours away. But even then would it even matter, if she did? If they were going to die what's the point? But then..

"Ugh, why do feelings have to be so complicated?!" She groaned to herself, as she helped fortify the hotel. In her own thoughts. Yet, she remembered how awkward Lucifer was acting this morning when they were eating breakfast. It could've been because of extermination day in the next 24 hours or maybe something else?

"A-Are you okay?" She asked worriedly, at Lucifer. Who scoffed in response and smiled nervously, "Y-Yeah, I'm alright fine perfectly fine." He sweats, as he looked at her nervously.

He watched as she left the manor to go help his daughter and the hotel prepare, and cursed to himself.. God, he was absolutely infatuated with her and couldn't even confess his feelings, for her. What if she dies? No don't think that he couldn't even bare the thought of losing her again.

He reached into his pocket and revealed the rubber duck with butterfly wings, and started at it softly.

[ Flashback ]

[Y/n] bit down on her lower lip, as she tried to make her first rubber duck. Squinting her eyes as she tried, to attach some butterfly wings. She smiled, jumping out of her chair in her guest room and ran down the hallway. She bursts into the room,“Lu, I did it!” She exclaimed, holding the rubber duck in her hands. Flapping its wings occasionally lifting itself off the palm of her hand. Flapping its wings.

“Wow, you did an even better job than me.” He said, causing her to blush. But shaking her head, “Nah, yours are way better.” She said, smiling looking at him.

She looked down at the rubber duck nervously, the extermination was only a few days away and people were preparing for a bloodbath a massacre, an all out war.

“I-I..” She sighed and downcasted at the ground, before shaking her head and smiled. “I made caramel apple pancakes.” She said, smile and Lucifer’s eyes lit up.

“Why didn’t you just say so!” He exclaimed, before she knew it he was already out the door of his study. Towards the delicious caramel apple pancakes.

She smiled sadly, looking down at the rubber duck. Pressing the secret button on its wing. “I love you!” It said its robotic child like voice exclaimed, and she looked down sadly. “I feel butterflies in my stomach when I’m with you,” she clenched her fist, almost crushing the duck but stopped. Looking at it sadly, “I really am pathetic.” she sighed, she walked over towards the shelf.

That had a rubber duck with similar top hat, to that of Lucifer and hesitantly placed it beside it. On the shelf, before backing away and leaving going downstairs to eat breakfast with Lucifer.

- ——

Lucifer entered his study after [Y/n] had left, to help prepare for war being a recently fallen angel and all. He sat at his desk, he glanced over at the shelf. Noticing a new rubber duck, figuring she must’ve placed it there.

He admired it in awe, the translucent butterfly wings. He remembered how much she loves butterflies, he remembered when she joked about combining the two. A Duckerfly. A duck with wings. Even then she was absolutely adorable, her jokes always seemed to make him laugh.

He titled his head noticing a hidden button on its wings, pressing it curiously. “I’m a duck with wings!” The duck said, and he chuckled.

“Duckerfly!”

“I love you!”

He stopped for a moment, processing what the duck had just said. Pressing the button again, “I get butterflies when I’m with you,” His heart seemed to skip a beat, he pressed it again.. and again and again. Until it looped back to it saying, ‘I love you.’

-------------------

[Y/n] smiled as she returned the hug, wrapping her arms around Charlie. “Thank you for everything,” thanked Charlie, looking up at the older woman smiling. "Ever since I was little," She said, looking up at her, "The stories, my dad used to tell me about you inspired me." and the older woman, looked at her and smiled her heart swelling with joy.

She chuckled softly, "When I was in heaven, I thought he'd forgotten about me." said [Y/n], her gaze soften as she reminisced of memories of the past. "Seems, it was quite the opposite who could've thought he'd tell stories of me to his own daughter." She said, smiling as she took Charlie by both hands.

She looked down at her, "You're like the child I've always wanted but never had," She said, the princess of hell couldn't help but chuckle, reminding her of the weird rivalry both her father and Alastor had.

"But, I'm not trying to replace your mother." She reiterated, "Not at all, I just want you to know. That I'm always here for you." She said, looking at her. Charlie pulled back from the hug, "I can see why my dad likes you so much," said Charlie, causing the woman in front of her cheeks to go red.

"Ah...Um.." She mumbled, but Charlie placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled, "It's okay, I think the two of you would be cute together." said Charlie, smiling. Even though she missed her mom Lilith, and that her dad might still possibly miss her. She couldn't help but notice even though on the small instances, her and her dad have spoke before all this.

She could see how happy he was having [Y/n] here, in Hell. She noticed the occasional flirting. Yes, it might sound weird but she loved seeing her dad happy more than anything. "U-Um, thank you." stammered [Y/n].

------------

[Y/n]'s eyes widened as the force-shield shattered, but she snapped back as an exorcists attacked her and she could've sworn, she heard her shout traitor. She made quick use of her weapon, and ended the exorcists life by cutting off her head.

Patches of her clothes covered in yellow ichor, a tiny cut on her cheek she sustained when fighting an exorcists. But slowly, everything seemed to go downhill as the one who was supposed to take care of Adam. Alastor had suddenly disappeared leaving Charlie to fear the worst.

[Y/n]'s eyes widened in horror as Sir Pentious' airship was destroyed, right before everyone's eyes. "No!" Charlie wailed, as tears brimmed her eyes in shock. She'd barely gotten to know Sir Pentious, in the month she was in Hell.

But, he seemed like a good person who genuinely wanted to redeem himself. Who gave trust to his friends. and in the end made the ultimate sacrifice. Gripping the weapon tightly in her hands, she charged towards Adam.

Almost impaling him, but he dodged out of the way. "Why look who it is?" He said, looking down at her mockingly. She glared at him, "Why isn't it little miss traitor." He said, and she snarled gritting her teeth as she lunged towards him, but he laughed and dodge.

"Wow, you look even worse than you did in Heaven." He mocked, and she pursed her lips eyes filled with rage. As she dodged his attacks, "Says the arrogant bastard who let himself go after Eden," She spat, and he glared at her sending a beam that almost hit her.

But wasn't so lucky about the next one, causing her to groan in pain. "Wow, you really suck at this don't you." He laughed, god she wanted to rip out his fucking tongue. "Do you ever stop fucking talking?!" She shouted, angrily.

Adam dodged her attacks as she sent them his way. Swiftly flying out of the way angering her, as her eyes started glowing as she swings at him with the angelic weapon. She glared at him angrily, “All this for a dick you can’t suck!” shouted Adam, and she glared at him angrily. Gritting her teeth, “Ugh! Fuck you.” she spat. Missing him once again.

“You really are pathetic you know that?” He laughed. Before she could even react a yellow beam, struck her already bleeding side. Gold ichor dripping from the wound, her movement faltering, "S-Shut the fuck up!" She shouted angrily, but a blast sent her flying backwards. Causing her to crash into, the hotel knocking her unconscious.

“Y/n!” Charlie shouted, watching as she plummet to the ground. But she didn’t, and felt a pair of arms wrap around her holding her, she looked up and smiled. She quickly wrapped her arms around him, “Lu,” She whispered.

Then her eyes widened, “Please tell me you didn’t hear that.” She looked embarrassed, cheeks red. Lucifer cocked his head to the side,“Not all of it just the, a dick you can’t suck part.” He said, her cheeks bright red. How she wanted to curl up into a ball and hide in a cave.

She pursed her lips inward and groaned, “I would kiss you now-” Her cheeks turned red, as a tomato as he said that. Even more so as he looked down at her with a mischievous grin, “But, we can do that later.” He said, a grin on his face then turning to are at Adam.

Glaring at him as well as she pulled away from Lucifer, “I’ll take you up on that offer, but first.” She clicked her tongue, gripping her weapon as she glared at Adam.

Seething her teeth, as she gripped the weapon tightly. “Let’s get this fucker.” She spat, with swift speed flying off towards the angel.

Lucifer smiled watching as she flew off, “That’s my girl,” He smiled, as the two of them flew off towards Adam. Following after her, the look of anger on his face seeing his daughter in danger.

Lucifer cackled as he looks down at Adam, dodging his attacks."So, this is what you've been up to since Eden?" said Lucifer, a he flew around him."Gotta say, you really let yourself go buddy." He said, as he transformed into a snake. Adam grabbing him by the tail, and trying to throw him. But before he could Lucifer transforms into a duck. "You judgin' me? You're the most hated being in all of creations." Adam shouted, angrily at him.

"Well, your first wife didn't seem to hate what I had to offer." said Lucifer, using his fingers to make a 'V' shape bringing it to his lips. "or the second. Bow-chicka-wow-wow." said Lucifer, as he makes a thrusting motion in the air. Angering Adam, "I'll fucking end you!!" Adam shouted, as he chased after Lucifer.

[Y/n] flew up towards them, she laughed mischievously, as she transformed into different animals. Teasing him, “For someone who calls himself dick master, your own wives didn’t even want yours!” She laughed, grinning as you transformed into a dolphin with wings.

She slapped him using the tail across the face. Smiling mischievously, “Ugh! You bitch!” He shouted, angrily trying to grab her but she ducked. Flying away swiftly.

“The bully gets bullied,” She cackled, making faces at him before disappearing in a poof of yellow clouds. She giggled, as Lucifer took her by the hand. And the two of took pride in dancing to dodge, Adam’s attacks. “Oh, can’t catch us..” The two of them teased.

“That duck you left me,” He said, as the two of you disappeared from Adam, dodging his attacks. Her cheeks turned red as she looked at him, “I love you too,” He said, and her heart swelled with joy. Really was he saying this now?!

Adam gagged in disgust, “Stop moving you freaks!” Adam shouted, causing the king of hell to shake his head, “Hey, I’m trying to confess my love over here!” shouted Lucifer, causing her cheeks to turn even redder. Adam growing angrier, as he glared at them.

Adam groaned in anger, as he sent a beam of yellow ichor towards them. But Lucifer holding [Y/n] close protectively, as he swiftly pulled her out of the way. “Charlie!” She shouted worriedly, and swiftly as she said that Lucifer was off towards his daughter.

[ slight time skip ]

[Y/n] placed her hand on her bleeding side, as she stood up to her feet. Glaring at Adam as she stood beside everyone else, "You don't get to end this." Adam said, as he stood to his feet weakly. Climbing out of the hole, "I'm fucking Adam! I'm the fucking man," He shouted, looking at the sinners and demons in front of him, "and you're just some fucking clown or something." He spat, glaring at them.

"I started everything on Earth." He shouted, rambling. "All of mankind came from theses fucking nuts." He shouted, staring at them. While they just stood their listening to his tantrum, "You all should be worshipping me." He screamed.

"you ungrateful, disgusting fucking losers!" He shouted,Adam wails, and everyone stars at him in shock seeing the dagger protruding from his stomach. "Hey, you got something sticking out of your..your thing there." said Lucifer, pointing nonchalantly at the dagger sticking out of his stomach.

Adam fell forward, revealing Niffty holding the blade in her hands. "Niffty?" Charlie said in shock. Niffty sat there for a moment before, "Stab! Stab! Stab!" Niffty shouted, as she laughed manically. As she continued to stab him repeatedly. "Blood! ha ha ha!" She laughed, a crazed look in her eyes.

Lute screamed, as she rushed towards Adam turning him over as he died. Crying over her friend and leader, who sent her a final smile before dying. "It's over," Charlie and [Y/n], said glaring down at Lute.

"Take your little friends," said Lucifer, as he glared at Lute angrily in his demon form, "and go home." He shouted, is voice distorted and demonic. "Please.!" He asked, relaxed and calm yet with a sinister tone to his voice. Everyone watched, as the exorcists retreated back to heaven.

Lucifer sighed and turned back towards everyone, "Alright who wants some pancakes." asked Lucifer, as he wrapped an arm around [Y/n]'s waist. "This lovely lady right here makes some delicious, caramel apple pancakes." He said, a huge grin on his face. She smiled sheepishly, as she looked at everyone. Niffty raised her hand. "But first, I need to get this bandaged." She said, looking at the others smiling softly as she pointed at the wound.

She winced in pain as she climbed, over the rubble. “I’m okay,” She smiled, looking at Lucifer. She looked over towards Charlie, as she stared at the destroyed hotel. Everyone looked at her sadly, as she stared at the destruction and bloodshed that the war had caused. Holding KeeKee in her arms, she looked down at the banner they had made for Sir Pentious month's ago. Tears welled up in Charlie's eyes, realizing the ultimate sacrifice.

"He did it for us, the ultimate sacrifice," Charlie sang, as she choked back a sob. Vaggie placed her hand on her shoulder, "He gave me his trust, and look how we pay the price," She sang, as she walked away. She looked around at the cranage and destruction, "This bloodshed could have been avoided." She sang sadly, even though they won. She felt as if in a way it was all for nothing with the lives that were lost, "If I convinced Heaven to work together," She sang, tearfully.

She walked over towards the ledge, revealing the destroyed Hazbin Hotel and what remains, "I took a hotel and I destroyed it," She sang sadly, seeing the damage she couldn't help but blame herself for, "I know I could have done better." She sang, as she hugged her self tears welling up in her eyes, as she fell to her knees. "Better, instead of letting you down," She sang, looking down at the ground.

 'Come on little lady, why the frown?' Lucifer sang, as he looked down at his daughter, placing a hand on his shoulder. 'In the last ten-thousand years. You're the first one to change this town' He sang, standing up on his feet getting in front of her, 'You can do this, now I know it!' He sang, placing his hand underneath Charlie's chin. 'For your story has just begun'

"You can't quit now, hell, you owe it," [Y/n] sang, as she smiled at Charlie warmly, "There's still damage to be undone," sang Lucifer, as he smiled at his daughter.

"You've changed my mind," He sang.

"You've touched their hearts." sang [Y/n].

"Found the good in souls gone bad"

"The stage is wrecked, the crowd is gone,"

Lucifer looked at his daughter triumphantly, and sang."But by God, Charlie!" [Y/n]wrapped an arm around her, "The show, it must go on" Lucifer and [Y/n] sang, Charlie looked up towards her friends.

“We can do this!” Charlie’s friends sang, as they looked down at her smiling comforting her, making the best of the situation. “We can build it!” everyone sang, smiling at her.

‘Best hotel that you’ve ever seen!’

‘Twice the bedrooms’

‘We can fill it’

“With more sinners than you can dream,” Lucifer sang, as he wrapped an arm around [Y/n]’s waist, a slight tint of red appearing on her cheeks. “It starts with you, you know, it's true.” They sang, as they looked down at her smiling. Hopeful despite the hotel being destroyed, despite the sinners lost.

“Fulfill your destiny!” Charlie looked at her friend, and wiped away her tears and smiled looking at them. “So long as I've got all of you with me!” Charlie smiled, as she wrapped her arms around them.

[Y/n] spreads her wings and smiles, as she flies around. Helping everyone work on rebuilding the hotel. From scratch to be grander than ever. As she sang to help rebuild the hotel she, still couldn’t believe that he loved her back. Almost feeling like a dream that he told her he loved her back. Her heart still skipping a beat, as a wave of relief seemed to wash away.

After a seemingly endless period of wallowing in self-pity, she had finally found happiness with him. With him by her side, she was filled with a sense of anticipation for what was to come in the future.

Suddenly, he scooped her up in his arms like a bride, and she let out a yelp of surprise. As he leaned down towards her, she felt his lips against hers, and a soft gasp escaped her. Her body tensed up in response as her heart began to pound against her chest, overcome with a mixture of nervousness and relief. Her eyes slowly fluttering shut as she melted into the kiss. Wrapping her arms around his neck, leaning more into the kiss.

He whispered into her ear, causing her to shudder and turn beet red. Despite her flustered demeanor, he couldn't help but chuckle softly. Furrowing her eyebrows as she looked at him, and playfully leapt out of his arms.

Transforming into a duck with butterfly wings, and flying off. Lucifer chasing after her, as she switched between each forms giggling, as they continued to help rebuild the hotel. She smiled, as magic flew through her fingers butterflies flew around the hotel glowing with yellow ichor.

Everyone stood at the portrait of Sir Pentious, memorial saluting the great general who sacrifed himself for his friends. “We can do this,” everyone sang, as they stared at the portrait mourning the loss. But a smile on their face, knowing that his sacrifice guaranteed them a better and hopeful future towards redeeming sinner.

“We can do this,” Charlie sang, as she stared at the “We'll be better,” everyone sang smiling, as they remembered Sir Pentious. Saluting their fallen friend.

“We'll be better,”

‘Though redemption may take a while’

“Though it may take a while,” Charlie sang, smiling as [Y/n] placed her hand in her shoulder.

‘Wayward sinners, clear their ledger’

‘And we're doing it with a smile’ Alastor sang, as he appeared between them. Charlie’s eyes lighting up smiling, as she hugged him. “Yeah!” everyone except Lucifer, smiled as they looked towards Alastor.

‘We made a difference, wait and see’

‘We're gonna do this, you and me.’ Charlie and Vaggie sang, as they hugged eachother.

As they walked out towards the courtyard with a hopeful smile. [Y/n] smiled as Lucifer took her hand into his squeezing, she looked down at him and smiled. Fireworks lit up the red sky of hell, as they looked at the newly rebuilt Hazbin Hotel.

Lucifer used his magic shrinking the key, and handing it to Charlie. Who smiled looking at the hotel, “And then tomorrow, it will be a fuckin’ happy day in Hell!” They all sang, as they looked at the newly completed and rebuilt grander than ever. Hazbin Hotel.

[side chapter sneak peek]

Lucifer and [Y/n}, had left suddenly after saying goodbye to Charlie and everyone saying they needed some. "rest" But Angel knew all to well, he saw right past through it. "Yeah, they're about to fuck." Angel said, earning a groan of disgust from everyone. In particularly, Charlie. "Ew, that's my dad." said Charlie, in disgust looking up at Angel Dust.

"What? It's pretty obvious!" He exclaimed, folding his arms across his chest. Before looking off in the distance curiously, "I wonder what kind of kink the Short King is into." He wondered curiously, he took notice of the apples.

Charlie covered her ears, while everyone started walking off. "He's definitely into food play, whipped cream and apples." Angel continued, and "Lala! I can't hear you!" Charlie shouted, as she walked off. "Hey, Charlie give me Y/n's number so I can ask!" He shouted, running after her, "No!" shouted Charlie, as she walked towards the hotel.

"Aw, come one I need to know!" Angel shouted, chasing after Charlie.

meanwhile.. in lucifer's room{ya'll will get the actual smut later so rn its the morning after}

Lucifer's eyes fluttered open and he was met with the most wonderous sight, of [Y/n] and her crinkled up nose as she slept letting out the occasional snore. He smiled softly, as he brushed his fingers against her cheek causing her to smile. His heart seemed to flutter, how did he get so lucky?

"Aw, Lucifer." She said playfully, looking at him as he attacked her neck with kisses, "I've gotta make breakfast." She said, and he nuzzled his head into the crook of her neck. "Mm, not yet." He said, as he pulled her underneath the covers. She was in for a long morning.

a/n: no y/n didn't know that Lilith was in heaven im not kidding. She had no idea, but with her coming into play for season 2. There will def be some drama stirring, if she's a villian or not.

also lemme know if theres any gaps so i can go back and fix them.

taglist: @supernerdycookietrashblrr @96jnie @mit-suri @koji-akeme @dinawss @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @wanderlustingcastaway @only-cherry-blossom @runaway-expert @buubsii @darkknightsandredrobins @kokoneai5 @colletepop @asheitoshin @thesimppotato11 @cherry-4200 @jolynetodd @blaire-blake @thedarkkitten @astrxwitch

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[strwyofthesun]

forgive me, goodbye

pairing: re2r!leon x f!reader

word count: 3k

synopsis: you and leon have been high school sweethearts and graduated together in 1990. but after graduating from military school and pre-med, trouble arises once leon becomes busy with being a police officer, while you start preparing to leave to the UK for med school.

cont: slight fluff, angst, high school sweethearts, college au, hurt/no comfort

a/n: for my filo readers, this is very loosely (like you have to squint to even realize it) based on raining in manila by lola amour because ive had lss and i can't stop listening to it!

part 2 here !

“—So, as we all bid farewell to this chapter of our lives, I want all of us to look back on what made us who were are now and look forward to the people we will become. Congratulations Class of 1990! We made it!” You exclaimed loudly into the mic. Everyone cheered and hugged one another in celebration of graduating from high school.

The principal smiled widely at you before you handed him the mic for his closing message to everyone. “Thank you to this year’s valedictorian for her heartfelt graduation speech. My dear students, I am so proud of all you. Congratulations!” Cheers and shouts once more echoed in the auditorium. You walk back into the crowd of students, looking for a certain someone. Amidst the bustling crowd, you spot him in his toga with medals around his neck, certificates and diplomas being held up on the right and a bouquet of roses in his left. You hurriedly ran towards his direction and stop right infront of him.

“There’s my valedictorian, I’m so proud of you love.” Leon said as he handed me the bouquet and planted a kiss on my forehead.

“Aww, Leon you didn’t have to…”

“Pft, I want nothing but the best for my girl. You deserve it [Y/N].”

“I love you so much Leon, I don’t think I would’ve survived high school without you.”

“I love you too [Y/N]. You’ll be fine with or without me. But of course you’re better off with me.” Leon said as he winked at me.

He was always such a tease. Ever since 7th to 12th grade, you couldn't believe that out of all the traits that he could keep, it had to be that one. But, it was okay, after all, all that teasing did lead you to fall for him and it was the best thing to have ever come out of your high school experience. People always said you had your head stuck in a book 24/7 and that you had no chance at love if all you ever look at was texts on a book. But now, they’re eating their words, because not only are you in the happiest and healthiest relationship with the school’s heartthrob, but your relationship with Leon outlasted almost all of your batchmates’s relationships combined. Not only that, but you also graduated valedictorian of your batch and was always a consisted honor student while dating Leon.

You had to admit that you and Leon were a walking cliché. Top student falls for the school’s heartthrob, where haven’t you seen that? But God, even if it was a cliché it was the best thing to have ever happened to you. It wasn’t always smooth sailing though. In 7th grade, Leon was always a pain in the ass to you, and it didn’t help that you were always paired up in almost every pair or group activity and project given. He wasn’t always so cooperative, he teased and picked at you, and he was always pre-occupied with either his friends or football. Yes, he was a jock, an irritatingly good-looking one at that.

He never really noticed your efforts when it came to those pair and group assignments the both of you had until one day, in chemistry class, you had held your head down, planning to rest for a little while. Little did you know that you would be waking up in the hospital. The doctor said that you had overworked your body so much to the point where your immune system had weakened drastically. Leon heard this and visited you the following day in the hospital. Your parents were aware of Leon being a big weight on you because you’d always rant to them about him so it was no surprise that when Leon entered your hospital room, he wasn’t exactly greeted warmly by your parents. Even so, they left you and him to talk privately.

“Hey [Y/N]…” Leon said as he looked at the floor. “Um, I brought you some flowers, roses, to um, brighten up your room.” He said awkwardly

You looked at him up and down with a sour look on your face before thanking him. “Thanks… Leon…” He sighed and sat at the foot of your bed.

“Look, I’m sorry… I should’ve helped you out. If I known this would’ve happen-“

“Well, it’s a bit too late for that don’t you think?” I spat back as I cut Leon off.

“I know, I know… So, to make up for it, I’ve told the teacher about me not cooperating and they have decided not to affect your grade because of my shortcomings. I’ve also come here to ask you what other assignments we have so that I can do it while you’re here. I promise I will prepare a good quality output, I’ll send it to you for checking so that you won’t have to worry.”

You were surprised at Leon’s sudden change of heart and were touched by his dedication to make things right for you. You face softened and you breathed out a small sigh.

“Thank you Leon, I’ll send you a list of what needs to be done later on. Thank you for visiting too…” You smile timidly.

“Please, don’t thank me, it’s the least I could do after everything I’ve caused.”

“Come on Leon, accept my thanks, it’s not all the time I get to say that to you.” I joked.

“Alright, alright. Fine, I accept the thanks and you are welcome. I’ll leave you be now. Rest up, recover quick okay?”

“Okay.”

Leon gave you a smile before turning around to leave, but before he left the hospital, he talked to your parents and apologized for the trouble. He even offered to pay the medical expenses to which my parents declined. They said that if you forgave him, then they forgave him too.

On school days while you were at the hospital, Leon would always text you at lunch about what happened during the morning classes and at the end of the day, he’d text you again to tell you what happened during the afternoon classes. He gave you notes, the assignments, recorded lectures, and even stuck to his word about sending you the group works. He really did seemed like a changed man.

8th grade came around and Leon had confessed his feelings for you, to which you reciprocated. And from then on, the two of you have been dating ever since. And something you love about Leon was that he knew that you were a strong, capable, and independent person. He never interfered with your plans and always emphasized that he wanted you to always prioritize yourself over everyone else including himself. Leon supported you in all your endeavours, the competitions, the events, everything. He was and always is your number one fan and you will always be his. Every game he had, you were present. You stood in the front bleachers with the largest banner out there and screamed your head off every time he scored a point. You were everyone’s typical movie high school couple.

“So Leon, what’s your plans for college?” You asked curiously. He never really talked about what he wanted for his future but since we were now high school graduates, it was high time to start thinking about our future plans.

“Oh, actually, I enrolled into a military academy in Raccoon City!” He said excitedly.

“Looks like someone’s excited.” You chuckle.

“Well, yeah! I mean I’ve always wanted to help people out and I think this is a good place to start.”

“I’m so glad you’re doing something you’re passionate about, love.”

“I’m assuming you’ll be pursuing your pre-med course in the city as well?”

“Mhm, that’s right. I can’t believe how fast time flies. We used to be dumb kids arguing over assignments and look at us now.”

Leon looked at you and grabbed you by the waist to pull you into a hug. “I didn’t expect myself to fall for a brainy genius like yourself.”

“And I didn’t expect myself to fall for a sweetheart of a jock but here we are.” you said as the both of you laughed together.

Summer went by and you and Leon had moved to Raccoon City to pursue each other’s passions. The 4 years passed the two of you quickly and you were soon attending each other’s graduation. Seeing Leon in his uniform standing proud and tall made you feel all sorts of things. You can’t believe how far he’s come. Saying you were proud of him was an understatement. At your graduation, you spotted Leon from the stage along with your parents holding up a camera and recording you. He was the absolute cutest boyfriend out there. He treated you and your parents out at an expensive restaurant in the city to celebrate. While at the dinner table, your phone starts ringing. You check to see who was calling you and saw that it was one of your professors from your university. You excused yourself from the table and picked up the incoming call.

“Good evening Ms. [L/N]”

“Good evening madam, is there something you would like to discuss with me?”

“As a matter of fact, there is. If you remember, I helped you apply for a prestigious medical school in the UK yes?”

“Yes, I recall.”

“I come bearing good news! You have been accepted on a full scholarship! I am so proud of you Ms. [L/N].”

You covered your mouth from shock and turned back to look at your parents and Leon who seemed very curious about the call.

“Thank you so much madam for helping me with this opportunity. I will get back to you with my answer in a few days.”

“No problem, take your time. But if I were you, I would grab the opportunity already.”

“I have to consult my parents first madam but I appreciate the incentive.”

“Alright, please do inform me later on your decision. Goodbye and congrats!”

Your professor dropped the call and you go back to the table with Leon and your parents and let them know the good news.

“Oh my God! I’m so proud of you [Y/N]! We’ll pack your stuff right away once we get home!” Your mom said eagerly.

“I’ll help you pack too!” Your dad chimed in.

You laugh at the reactions of you parents but realized that Leon had been rather silent.

“Leon?” you said as you held his hand under the table.

“Hmm? Oh! I’m so proud of you too, love. I can’t believe you’ll be studying in another country…” Leon said as his voice slowly faded. You squeezed his hand and looked at him with a face of concern. Before he could speak again, the waiter had given Leon the bill which he paid for and later your parents left earlier than you leaving Leon and you behind.

“Love, is there something bothering you?”

“I’m… I’m gonna miss you a lot [Y/N]… But, I don’t want to hold you back, you know that.”

“Oh Leon…” You pulled him into an embrace and said, “I’ll miss you too Leon. But I’m not leaving yet, so let’s make most of my time here okay?”

“Okay… I love you [Y/N]…”

“I love you too Leon…”

In a few days, you started getting ready to make your big move to the UK. Meanwhile, Leon had begun working as a police officer in the Raccoon City Police Department. He was always preoccupied with his job and you were busy with all the files you needed to tend to and the preparations you had to ready for med school and all the other likes. As the days progressed, the stress started to feel overwhelming and it did not help that Leon was not as available as much as he used to be. You respected his time and if he wouldn’t want to hold you back, you wouldn’t hold him back either. So you kept to yourself. All the stress, the worry, the nagging thoughts of moving to a new country alone, the pressure put on you by your professor was immense, all of it was driving you borderline insane. Juggling everything on your own felt so tiring but you never once thought of asking Leon or anyone for that matter for help because you did not want to bother them and because you wanted this for yourself. You had no one but yourself to blame. But the opportunity is right there, and you couldn't risk it slipping through your fingers.

It was a week ‘till your departure and Leon had finally decided to visit you after his long shifts at the RPD.

“Hi love, are you ready for the big trip?” He asked while trying to put on a smile on his face but it was evident that he was too tired to even put an effort.

“I don’t know Leon…” you responded.

“What’s the matter?” he asked sounding concerned.

You snapped at Leon and sarcastically replied, "Oh, thanks for finally asking.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What do you think Leon? You haven’t even bothered to check up on me all those days ago?”

“Well I’m sorry if I got too busy with work!”

“Too busy? Would it have killed you to send me at least one text asking how I was?!”

“I didn’t want to disturb you! I knew that you could handle it on your own.”

“But Leon I needed you! Where were you when I needed you?! I was practically going insane already!"

A deafening silence fell upon the room and no one dared to look at each other in the eye. You broke the silence and spoke up once more.

“Look Leon, if this is the current state of our relationship now, I fear that this won’t last once I’m further away.”

“[Y/N]… Are you…?”

“I’m breaking up with you Leon.” You never imagined those words ever coming out of your mouth but there it was, seemingly echoing in all four corners of the room making it all the more painful that it already was.

“You can’t be serious [Y/N]…”

“I am serious Leon. I can’t do this anymore…”

“Fine.” Leon said as he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

You watch him leave as tears start to run down your face. It hurt that you had to do what you did, but seeing how he didn’t even fight for the relationship broke you even more. At the back of your head, you were relieved because now, he wouldn’t have to face the days where he would need you but you were not there for him. He wouldn’t have to constantly worry about you and your well-being. He wouldn’t have to miss you so much that it made his heart ache that he could not see you. You have spent 10 years with each other and were now so used to each other presence. Being away from him pained you as much as it pained him, and nothing could have eased that.

It's 2 hours ‘till departure, you’re at the airport simply passing the time while your parents kept you company. 1 hour left, you start to remember all the memories you’ve made in the city and can't help but shed a tear because all you could ever think off was Leon. 30 minutes, your parents comfort you and held you in their arms as you cried and wallowed in your sadness. 20 minutes, you compose yourself as your flight is near. 10 minutes, bid your farewell to your parents and start walking to the gates until you heard a voice call your name.

You turned around to look for where the voice came from, “Leon?” You mutter as you frantically search amongst the people looking for him. You spotted Leon dashing towards you and threw his arms around you as a desperate attempt to keep you for leaving just yet.

“[Y/N] please, just wait…” he panted.

“Leon, I need to board the plane, I have to go-“

“Please… think about it, think about us. I know long distance is hard but it’s something we can get through together! I know we can! So please! Don’t just leave me like this…” Leon begged as he pulled away to face you. His eyes were swollen and red, you could tell he had been crying for days straight.

“You know it’s not just about us… You have your whole future ahead of you, and I have mine. Don’t let me stop you from that.”

“But I don’t see my future without you in it. Please let me be selfish for once let me ask you for us to try again.”

“You know I can’t do that Leon…”

Leon looked at you with glass eyes and let you go. “I’ll be waiting for you [Y/N]… However long it takes."

“Leon… Don't...” You cupped his cheek and caresses it gently wiping away his tears.

“Forgive me, goodbye.” You let go of Leon and kissed him one last time before turning your back on him and walking straight to the gates. You hear Leon’s sobs and it took everything in you not to look back, when all you wanted to do was run into his arms and say “I do want you back, I’m sorry for trying to leave you.” But you couldn’t. You knew deep down that you couldn’t bring yourself to throw everything away for Leon. And you knew that he knew it too.

As the plane took off, you look out of the window and silently said goodbye to the life you once had and said hello to the new life you will live.

#leon #leon kennedy #leon scott kennedy #leon s kennedy #leon angst #leon kennedy angst #leon scott kennedy angst #leon x reader #leon x you #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon scott kennedy x reader #leon scott kennedy x you #leon s kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy x you #resident evil #resident evil angst

[realbeefman]

Do you have any good house fic recs? I am Struggling with my search.

for sure! although Disclaimer, i havent been reading house fanfic for very long and ive pretty much only read house/wilson so far, SO this is more of a hilson fic rec list than anything lol

Warning Signs by out_there - oneshot, 12k words, Wilson-POV, set around the end of s3. SUCH A GOOD FIC i laughed so much while reading this. genuinely delightful. possibly my fav house fic i’ve ever had the pleasure of reading.

The Line of Thought by tevinterimperium - oneshot, 12k, Wilson-POV, set after s3 e15. THEEE classic fake-dating AU. this was the first fic i read in this fandom and it absolutely fucks. im a SAP i love a good “no homo but OH GOD THE FEELINGS” plot!!

Desert Mesa Motel - 8 miles outside of Kingman, Arizona - 12:03 AM by plorp - ficlet, 1k, House-POV, post-canon. this makes me BAWL. very very good fic but SAD. and DEPRESSING. will make you CRY/pos

How Not To Be Boring by fourleggedfish - incomplete/abandoned, 497k, Wilson-POV, AU from around mid-s5. if u like whump (which i absolutely do) u will probably like this fic. if u are squicked out by sex, u will hate it bc these guys bang 24/7. this fic had me pacing, glued to my phone, sick to my stomach, crying (several times), and obliterated my sleep schedule. i can’t rec it highly enough. every chapters includes appropriate content warnings, but some major themes that appear throughout are character death (not of main characters), the aftermath of severe child abuse, and mental illness. if any of these topics are a trigger for you, please don’t read this work.

Forsake Me Here by MonsterBoyf - complete, 8k, Wilson-POV, ambiguous setting. Wilson has intrusive thoughts about mutilating House. He tries to cope. features a lot of very graphic imagery and does an excellent but extremely accurate job of portraying an OCD-spiral that could be triggering to people. i LOVE this fic i think about it so so much.

An Inconvenient Truth by anathaema - complete, 15k, House-POV, ambiguous setting. contains the quote “You’re the suicide bomber of revelations” and is one of the funniest things i’ve ever read. plus the way in which wilson’s sexuality in this fic is handled is honestly so realistic and entertaining. HIGHLY recc this to absolutely everyone who enjoys hilson

the more it took away by scribespirare - oneshot, 10k, House-POV, ambiguous setting. Omega!House has his first heat since presenting. Alpha!Wilson helps him through it. I LOVE OMEGAVERSE AND I LOVE FUCK OR DIE AND I LOVE THE WAY THIS FIC HANDLES THIS IS JUST GRAHHHH. If u don’t enjoy omegaverse u won’t like this but i can’t make a house fic rec list and NOT include this one

Aftershocks by black_cigarette - series, around 125k in total, various POV’s, set sometime post-Tritter arc. this fic IS gen, but honestly, i didn’t know that going in and didn’t realize it wasn’t a slash fic until the very end. tldr is that wilson is brutally assaulted because house has been gambling with some unsavory people, and house helps him deal with the aftermath. this fic does not pull punches. its is extremely graphic and everything wilson goes through is described in detail. it is a messy story about recovering from brutal trauma and everything that entails. DISCLAIMER: there are sequel(s) to this series available on the author’s livejournal, but i haven’t read them and can’t speak to anything they discuss.

no need to worry (making up your mind) by scribespirare - complete, 25k, House-POV, set sometime in the early seasons. House lies about having a Jewish boyfriend to get out of visiting his mother at Christmas. Things quickly get out of hand. THIS FIC IS SOOO *tears into it with my teeth*. I love when they scheme together <3

#ty for the ask!!! had a lot of fun thinking abt which fics i enjoyed the most/stuck with me the hardest #tried to provide tws for everything but if i missed anything plss call me out #house md #hilson #housefic #house md fic recs #hilson fic recs

[alteon77]

Updated Masterlist of Writing and Art

About the writer/artist: I like to write and paint. My current obsession is Sandman, but I enjoy most fantasy fandoms as well as anime (I think I’m on season seven billion of One Piece right now 🤣). I'm also weird as they come (and awkward, too), so just please ignore my oddball (coughTERRIBLEcough) sense of humor.

On a more personal note, I have PTSD and suffer from severe manic depressive episodes. Writing and art are my most familiar coping mechanisms, and I need them like I need oxygen. Seriously, there were times in my life that knowing I had to finish a story or a piece of art was the only thing stopping me from ending up dead. So, I don't take part in fandom drama. Having my peace and protecting my mental health are very big deals to me, and I won't risk those for anything if I can help it.

As for my writing, it ranges from short one-shots to ridiculously long novel series. I use third person POV (on longer series) as well as second person (on shorter things). I also try to always exclude physical descriptions when writing main character OCs and assign them nicknames to avoid using Y/N. I love to read Y/N fics, but writing them makes me feel like I'm at work. And who actually wants to ever feel like they're at work when they're engaging in a hobby? Definitely not me.

Lastly, there's usually more stuff on my AO3 page than I have listed here, because I forget to post it pretty often. Oops. I'll get around to moving it all over one day. Probably. Maybe.

Feel free to leave an ask if you want or just drop by my DMs. <3

Artwork links are at the bottom of this list, so if you're here for those, that's where they are.

Sandman 'Verse

All the Precious and Fragile Things (so easily do they break)

After banishing his lover from the Dreaming for her betrayal, Morpheus learns that she is pregnant with his child.

And that she’s been captured by a revenge-seeking Alexander Burgess.

What the both of them are unaware of is that this will set in motion a cascade of unfavorable events, causing a chain reaction that threatens the whole of existence itself.

PART I: All of This Past

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

PART II: These Tender, Loving Mercies

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

PART III: When It All Falls Down

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

PART IV: The Dark of War

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Epilogue

Sometimes He's Sweet

Morpheus hates the holidays.

As excited as she seems to experience the mortal holiday, he's… less so. Much less so. With the entire collective unconscious contained within him, this time of year can be wholly overwhelming, a miasma of too much red and green, too much worry, too much loneliness, too much excitement, too many similarly themed dreams, too many similarly themed nightmares, and far far too many holiday songs. It all bleeds out from the collective unconscious into his own mind, sticks there like weeping sap to a tree until he feels half-mad with the unrelenting presence of it, with his inability to get free from its cloying trespass upon his very being.

This is just a little sweet fluff for the holiday season. It takes place between chapters 19 and 20 of "All the Precious and Fragile Things". No spoilers here if you've read that far!

The Dog Debacle (or how best to sneak a dragon into the dreaming)

Morpheus' daughter gets a new dog.

Well..... kind of.

That Familiar Feeling of Family (or how Hob Gadling ended up as an uncle to his stranger's oftentimes feral children)

It's a pretty universally known thing that families are just strange. As Hob is quickly figuring out, however, this little fact is magnified by AT LEAST a billion when the family in question is Endless.

(A lighthearted story in which Hob Gadling finds out his stranger has married, makes friends with a homicidal maniac/ruler, and manages to become an exemplary uncle to a pack of magically mischievous children. Really, now all he has to do is convince everyone to stop calling his and Dream's weekly meetups "playdates", and then his life would be practically perfect.)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

The Maker, the Muse, and the Sundered Song

In his temple, what remains of Orpheus waits in trepidation. Something is changing. Something that he knows might alter the very fabric of the world as he understands it.

Finally freed from captivity, Calliope struggles to make any meaningful changes to the laws that saw her bound and taken in the first place. When the strange woman appears on Mount Parnassus and offers help, Calliope knows she would be a fool not to accept it. Even if she thinks that she's being lied to.

Meanwhile in the peace of the Dreaming, Morpheus grapples with guilt over his son's fate. As he basks in the love of his new children, he can't help but to regret his own failings where Orpheus is concerned.

And as for May, she's really just got a job to do. And her own traumatic issues to deal with. And if it's all hella awkward because she's having to work alongside her husband's ex-wife, she'll see it done anyway. There's even the small possibility that she might eventually admit to Calliope the truth about her identity. That is if she can ever actually work up the courage to say it aloud.

Chapter 1

Nothing in This Closet but Boots and a Boy

Morpheus is wildly protective of his daughter.

That's probably bad for the boy in said daughter's closet.

AU's and Other Stuff in the Sandman 'Verse

Of Exes, Hellhounds, and Waffle Fries

Morpheus shows up to rescue the woman he probably loves (though he won't admit it) from hellhounds and ends up getting roped into helping with her family. This is one of those extras that doesn't fit into the main story, but it's fun, so I'm posting it.

The Bizarre Breeding Habits of Anthropomorphic Personifications

It's a tale as old as time.

Two idiots fall in love. Two idiots fall out of love.

Neither one of them is expecting a baby to come along and derail their unhappily ever after.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Original Fanart

I like to play around with different styles and to try new things with my artwork. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. I'm still learning, and I am so far from being a professional that it's laughable. But I only post things that I think look decent or that I think others might enjoy.

The Lover's Argument (Morpheus x oc)

Oneiros (Morpheus in Grecian garb)

Because I could not stop for Death, she kindly stopped for me... (Regency era Dream and Death)

#sandman fic #morpheus x oc #morpheus #morpheus x reader #morpheus fanfiction #sandman fanfiction #sandman oc #dream of the endless #dad!morpheus #dragons in the dreaming #preciousfragilethings #PFT #bbhap #fanart #fan art #alteon77 fan art

[cinnamon-bunni]

hm... 4, 7, 11, 12, 17, 21, 22, 24! happy new year, bunni!

4. Total number of words you wrote this year That's hard to find tbh....I didn't end up posting a lot of fics, so i dont only have to just check my statistics on ao3, but all of my possible fics ive written this year in my wip docs as well. the total i got was 58,171 words (~35k of it being WIPs and not posted)! so definitely not as much as i wrote last year which was (i think over 100k), and also not including all of my notes ive written. i did not do a lot of writing this year, so hopefully next year i'll wrap up all of my big fics and post them all <3

7. longest completed fic you wrote this year Again, i did not write a lot this year, much less finish them lmao. if you were to ask about uncompleted fics, we would have a different story--but alas, the longest completed one was Once More, With Needles, sitting at 4,414 words!

11. fandom you enjoyed writing for the most this year hm....obey me, I suppose. its hard to say really, but enjoyment from writing specifically, i'd have to give it to obey me. what can i say, the cast is just really fun to write (even when levi is impossible to write, like what the hell man i have rewritten your part in my undead fic like 3 separate times and am continuing fixing it, like what the hell man i trusted you and then you dont behave for me). like this year specifically i realized how much i love each and every character--those like lucifer reminded me as to why i love the game and the characters, and people like mephisto and raphael randomly won a spot in my heart. theyre all just so so fun to write <333

12. favorite character to write about this year lucifer!!! even though i only have like, one fic that features him thats out and finished lmao; hes such an interesting and complex character, yet is one whose mind i can easily slip into when i need to write when its his pov. idk, sometimes i find myself struggling to write characters like levi or even asmo sometimes--mainly from my own failures to pay attention to their canon interpretations and making them not out-of-character--but lucifer is surprisingly one i can always rely on to be easy and fun to write!! he is angst galore and so emotionally constipated, hes great <3

17. fics you’ll continue next year Heart Melts for sure!! i originally wanted ch3 to be out before the new year, but ive been drafting and redrafting all of my future chapters (i am trying my best to make it a psychological horror in order to match the tag that i put on the fic, but idk if its going to live up to the hype that people have for this fic ^^;;) so i sadly didnt get time to finish it. maybe by the end of January ill have it out--heres to hoping its done by then! and maybe i might continue Dirty? I didn't even update it this year lol--its def one i dont wanna leave discontinued, as i have all of the chapters planned out, but i just have many other projects that i wanna focus on and also i really wanna rewrite it, so ive been debating doing that first or just to finish then rewrite it. in a perfect world, i'll update that one too lol

21. most memorable comment/review I have two that come to mind!!! in all honesty all comments make me sooo happy, but these ones specifically is just,,,idk man, they just hit a certain way that itches that scratch in my brain that needs validation lmao i love rereading these all the time <3 theres these comments for Messy Makeup:

(make me go insane from them saying i wrote multiple fics that were their favorites <33) and of course there's this banger of a comment from @/snugglebunnies!!! idk if youre reading this but thank you thank you thank you for inspiring me so much with your fics!!! i love them so much, and this comment was just incredible! from the fic Heart Melts:

(love when people leave quotes, no matter how long or short!!!! such deep analysis is what i live for!!!!) and of course, sending out so much love to everyone who leaves a comment on any of my fics, no matter how big or small they are <333

22. events you participated in this year i didnt participate in any events this year! i tend not to do events tbh, theyre not really my style, as i dont do well with due dates unless i have months in advance lol;; usually i might do one, maybe two, events a year, but those are usually simple gift exchanges or something. nothing caught my eye this year, and ones that did i just didnt have the time to do, sadly. but! i do plan on doing the sonic big bang next year, which will be my first ever "bigger" event ive been in! exciting, but also really nervewracking as ive never posted sonic content and idk how well i'll do staying on schedule. but its still something i really wanna do (have a great fic planned for it!) so i still wanna give it a shot and do my best on it lol

24. favorite fic you read this year from this year is really hard to say--i think all of my favorite fics were found last year lmao so its a struggle to think of one. @heleentje's BOTW fic Moonlight has been a fantastic read (even though i havent finished it yet;;; i promise will soon!!) and just hits all of the right notes for me!! The batman fic Performance Piece is also definitely up there for me, as it captures so well what i want in my own writing when it comes to writing characters, especially when it comes to inner-dialogue (i might just go back and reread that one again lmao)

as of posting, i have about twenty minutes left before the new year. so happy early 2024!! 🥳🎉💝

#unrelated but. after writing so much simeon pov for That Fic. i want nothing to do with him anymore. i cant stand him or solomon right now #(but im barely halfway done so. oh well lmaoo) #favorite fic you read this year #thanks for the ask! #fun to answer all of these thanks for so many lol <33 #bunni mumbles #ask game #happy new year damian!

[rythmicjea]

20 Questions (plus a bonus) for Fic Authors

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

24

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

222,958

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently: Riverdale (and I have an ongoing Zack & Cody fic)

Past: Doctor Who, The Magicians, and Star Wars

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Haven't broken 100 kudos on a fic yet but I'm close!

I. My Dearest Korkie with 91

II. 6-2-4-8-4-6-3 with 75

III. Plums and Mugs with 70

IV. Casualty with 69

V. Kindness in Lies with 54

5. Do you respond to comments?

Every. Single. One. I love them. Fuck me up with questions about what you've just read. If it's not spoiler-y then I'm happy to explain. Hell, even if it might be a tad spoiler-y I still will lol.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oof... that would probably be a tie between We Had Fun (the main character just straight up kills people) or We Belong Together (where it seems like the couple doesn't actually end up together, but I promise they do!).

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I love making people cry. I used to say "if you're not crying, I didn't do my job". But um... do WIPs count if I already know how they are going to end? lol

I'm going to say for finished I Only Have Eyes For You (This will make you cry) and The Magician Queen (this is a classic Holiday Hallmark Happy Ending)

For WIP (that is actually finished I'm just not posting all at once) The Suite Adult Life

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet. I welcome thoughtful critiques though!

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

LMAO. By looking at my repertoire you would think the answer is "no". However, I literally wrote a collection of short stories just to write smut. It ended up more tame than expected and very romantic. BUT I do have some pretty explicit scenes in some stories.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

No. I've just not been inspired and I tend to stay away from reading crossovers.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No :(

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I've tried to get people to write with me.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

OMG that's like asking who my favorite child is? I mean that's just so unfair- it's Jeronica. Jughead/Veronica is my heart and soul. 80 years of sexual tension just can't be beat lol.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I hate to say it but... I don't have any. I think Not Another Riverdale Love Story (nicknamed Narwals) is the closest. But I know how it's going to end and I just posted chapter 7 and am currently working on chapter 10. OO! I know, it's pure porn. Just pr0n all day long. Rockin Around The Christmas Tree. I have two out of the four chapters posted. I have the last chapter 75% of the way finished. I just have to write smut for one pairing and then it'll be finished.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Existing dialogue and minute details. I like to use and reimagine current dialogue of the shows into my stories. And I drop blink and you miss them hints throughout.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Smut. I've gotten a lot of compliments but I still think I suck at it lol.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'm pretty good at French but I love writing dialogue in another language. I don't write whole scenes in it. But I have two characters that know passible Japanese so I dropped some in a chapter. But I make sure to translate in the ending A/N.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Sailor Moon!! All the way back when NO ONE knew what fanfiction was.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh goodness... I love them all for different reasons. I think if I were to do this as Word Association it would be My Dearest Korkie. It's G-rated and less than 400 words but packs a punch! I think it really proves that a G-rated short short story can be just as good as a 300k+ multi-chapter E rated fic.

Bonus Question

21. What story of yours do you think needs more love?

The Suite Adult Life - I wrote this without knowing the show existed until I was suggested clips on YouTube. I never watched the clips, I just did one google search, read one synopsis, and one relationship timeline. Then out popped 100k+ words... I'm still kind of baffled by it lol.

Tagging- anyone else who wants to participate!

#ao3 #writing #ao3 fanfic #writers #riverdale #jeronica #vughead #Star Wars #reylo #obitine #the suite adult life #the suite life on deck #the suite life of zack and cody #cody x bailey #The Magicians #Doctor Who #the doctor and rose

[thekuraning]

Could I please have 7, 9, 16, 24 and 27 for the fic writer ask? 💙

HFDUAIGHRQHG WOW THATS SO MANY thank you aria!!!!

as always... kura talk lots.... read more time!

7. your preferred writing fonts

For the longest time it was Arial, then basically from Covid lockdowns to maybe about a year ago I was a Comic Sans truther. But recently I've been using Optima and Trebuchet! There is something very delightfully round about them... they are soft like bunnies.... Bonus points, they're a bit of larger, thicker fonts, which makes is much easier for me to read. I have no idea if I'm dyslexic because I've never been tested but reading--while fun and one of my favorite pass-times--is like. So hard. And it feels like the longer I've been out of Lit classes the harder and harder reading gets. :') I've got a mountain of fics and books I'd like to read but it takes a lot of energy to keep track of what line im on that i gotta save it all up for writing... ive had city of dogs open in a tab for like months now bro i just wanna read.... TAT

But yeah I love me them thicker rounder weighted sort of fonts.

9. start to finish, how long did it take you to write the last fic you posted?

so the last finished one-shot i posted was Who We Don't Expect to See, which took probably about six months to a year wrestling to get the dialogue to behave. The last complete multi-chapter fic was the Baristsa on Autumnal Avenue, which took about nine months!

As for unfinished works, I'm expecting Maelstrom to probably take another year , maybe year and a half at this pace! Ideally, I'd love to have it done by December which would mean a year and two months total, but we'll have to see thinking emoji

16. favorite place to write

I'm usually either at my desk in my office or on my couch lol and that's just a question of whether I feel more like writing on my desktop or my laptop! But since I started back at my local community college, I've found INSANE productivity at the campus cafe!! I don't know what it is, but as soon as my ass is sitting at the table with a coffee I'm like fucking sonic the hedgehog the way I start pumping chapters out. Probably about 80% of Maelstrom fic's been written in that little cafe!!

24. how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

banging my head against the wall until im creative again :( or until i knock myself out, whichever comes first

actually lol I spend a lot of my recharge time watching youtube or playing video games. I'm big into Splatoon and Phasmophobia! I used to be really into Fall Guys until Epic bought the game out. but mostly it's just youtube these days lolll cause once im out of creative juice thats like. it. my energy's gone and i tend to spiral, so I'll end up just snuggling my kitty and watching gamegrumps or something (i dont know why, he just really likes watching game grumps)

>:( we used to watch a lot of netflix together too but since they cracked down on account sharing and my parents managed the family account we can only get in on the desktop now... how are we supposed to snuggle like this!!! cozy kitty economy is in shambles smdh

27. your favorite part of the writing process

answered over here winky kissy face emoji

#i wish i could emoji on desktop #please settle for my descriptive emoji text #kurasays #ask game #isleofair #ty friend!!

[onlyjaeyun]

ZADIE LOVE AHHHHHHH i kid u not i was on the edge whenever i saw ur wc update literally went "OMG OMG ITS HAPPENING" am i ready to actually start reading? no ill never be but i am also soSOOO invested in what happened between hoonyn i HAVE TO BRACE MYSELF

ok enough yapping and onto to the actual chapter 👉🏻👈🏻 im actually gna start crying yn was probably the sweetest little girl ever surrounded w her loving family im so happy she had her maternal aunt at the very least 🥹 she even saved up money to get her brothers' gifts she's so precious 🥺🥺 NOOO LITTLE HOONYN WERE LITERALLY EACH OTHERS CONSTANT SUPPORT IM SO BROKEN 😭😭😭 THEY WERE TOO PURE TOO GOOD FOR THE CRUELTY THAT IS THE WORLD

yn's gift is in a little box? a jewellery mayhaps... STOP OMG HOON'S HER SECRET SANTA!,!/&;&&: SKDJAKSJS (icb they nvr gotten each other b4 tho 🧐) WORLD PAUSE SUNGHOON WANTED TO DO WHAT NOW?:!/& someone hold me i feel faint. we've COME SO FAR IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO BAWL 😭😭😭😭😭😭 "not only show you how over the ongoing war between you two he is, but also one he could use as a way to maybe win you over again" IM IN TEARS. THE WAR IS ENDING 😭😭😭

im actually so proud(?) of hoon for accepting his feelings like to go from saying the meanest things 24/7 to a person to actually admitting that you still want to have that person around takes alot of courage and he has my respect for that!

ok so he chose a sentimental gift... A SNOWFLAKE NECKLACE?:!/$ MAYBE?? 🤔 IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO START BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS WHY AM I SO NERVOUS 🤕 HE FAWKING WROTE HER A CARD IN JAPANESE. yep im out. 😭🤣😭😭😭😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣😭😭 STOOPP ITTT HE GOT HER A RING W HER MOTHER'S BIRTHSTONE?:!/!/ IM ACTUALLY IN TEARS THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOO PRECIOUS IM GONNA START BAWLING he's so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 & yn now knows its from hoon 🥺😭🥺🥺🥹🥹🥹

THE FUCKING DOORBELL. THE FUCKING WITCH. WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HER IM GNA FUCK HER 🆙 !!!!!! no but can we talk about how yn stood up to her MY POOKIEPIE MY LOVE 🥹 she's so strong for that ❤️‍🩹 & riki n hoon 🥹 coming in to stand w her 😭 hoon just standing behind her supporting her, ready to step in anytime ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

oh im soo fucking that bitch up im filing my nails as i type rn im gna scratch her face and no one can stop me. its the fact riki still calls her mom and she goes and do shit like this. i just cant phantom how people like her call themselves parents. yn making that decision whilst she was still so young 💔 no one really should have been in that position in the first place

i know uve alrdy shown us this part in the wc update but it still HITS ME SO HARD "of all people in this world, it was your hands he had put his tiny heart into because he knew you’d always keep it safe and protected, only for your absence to scar him forever" im actually broken. & OF FUCKING COURSE ITS THE FREAKING WITCH THAT HAD SMTH TO DO WITH THE LETTER NOT REACHING HOON.

ill say it time and time again but the friendship dynamic u create in everyone of ur fic is so precious and beautiful 🤍 all of them will fight and stand by each other through the darkest of times 🫂

ive actually teared up reading this chapter 🥺 this was everything, u always amaze me with the ideas u have and the way u execute them 🤍 this chapter was worth its wait <3 i truly enjoy reading every single update and idk what else to say other than thank you for sharing the masterpiece that is cold hearts with us all 🤍🤍

have a very very good night zadie <3

oh my sweet souled lia 🥺

thank you SO much for this ask. i never know what to say when you guys send me messages like these because im just baffled by how much love and attention and support you guys not only send me but my characters. i think it's safe to say that i will keep this so close to my heart. it's such an honor to receive such amazing reactions to the things my characters experience and ik im rambling but like, seeing you all so invested in this smau makes me so happy and im so grateful for everything. thank you baby. i love and appreciate you so much 🥺🤍🩷☀️💐🌷

#; mailbox 📬 #; cold hearts

[draconixiaa]

tired but i'll do a bit of this (will be a bit rambly:D)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

24,, wow not bad

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

165.5k wow thats a lot,, most of it comes from one tho; everything else are shortfics

3. What fandoms do you write for?

DSMP and ive just started a bit of genshin at the behest of my Tartaglia-obsessed irl and he's kinda cool but like for 95% of my other fics its all cdream ahahahhh(dies)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

"Consequences" tops the charts obviously bc its my one and only longfic and it was written during the peak of dsmp and man id link it bc i love my storyline (cdream obviously gets messed up in prison but then gets a healing arc) there but at the same time i feel like the writing had too many grammar mistakes and could be better so nahh

"North Star to Freedom" is one im actually really proud of, like obviously the writing could be better bc ive improved, but i just like it and id deffo rewrite it too if i had time or steal it into an original fic (premise is that cdream escapes prison with the rebibe book and oh lord my lingo anyways (spoilers) he dies and he gives techno book)

"Persevere" is third, wow that's a long time ago, its alright, i like it in general, but it feels almost cheesy. idk. i like it, but i dont like it. its not mixed feelings, but eh. anyways, something about cdream getting captured by the egg which is about to take over the world but he sacrifices himself to cleanse it. the most acute thing i rember about it is that its a 3parter

"Coup de Grace" ok wth i didnt expect this to be on there it was a small little cdream suffering in prison and cphil comes over, sees him in pain, and cough relieves him of it, and i dont like the writing in a specific part of it, but i like it in some other parts, so eh

"turn the claret tides" whoops i forgot what this one was about ok i glanced through the doc its ctechno getting cdream out of prison wow that title was really vague but he gets the letter and things went on.. it was inspired by another fic and happened during the hype of the prison arc which is kinda cool

(man im looking at the amount of fics i want to rewrite but it aint happening sadge)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Sometimes, most of the times nowadays, if it particularly made my day or it has something deep and insightful or literally makes any observation on my fic. sometimes im just too tired to answer,, maybe laziness is a part of it too, but i stare and its like,, i cant generate a response . but nowadays, i do it most of the times bc i appreciate my commenters :D

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

my recent fics mostly have happy endings, but all my pre-like, mid 2023 fics were all sad sad sad. they all ended in cdream dying, one way or the other. so idk which ones the saddest now its been too long,, the one i personally think is the saddest is one that i like, was listening to sad music to, the song being 'sociopath,' an orchestral piece (or was it piano?)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

consequences

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

once on consequences bc that was max cdream apologists vs inniters era

9. Do you write smut?

nop never ever ever

10. Do you write crossovers?

dream + tartaglia is one i wrote in fudging october that i am still trying to find time to continue

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

prob not, if there is, then i wouldnt know of it

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope, if there was, i also dont know of it

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

wow thats crazy that i havent, but idk, teamwork and coordination just go meh when i only share my interests with online people

14. What‘s your all-time favorite ship?

idk i dont do ships but my fav friendship is dream + techno or dream + punz

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

all my chapter continuations except the tartaglia + dream one i Need to finish that. but also the palace of stone idea will Never Ever get written

16. What’s your writing strengths?

descriptions idk they go lengthy but ive practiced with them a lot so ive gotten kinda good

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

dialogue, pacing, idk literally everything, i can prob improve on anything and every aspect of my writing rn, and i just need to practice more

19. First fandom you wrote for?

DSMP lmao

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

consequences i love the storyline + ending of that one even if the writing couldve been better

uhh tagging? idk if theres anyone that doesnt overlap wiht people whove been tagged b4 les see: @milktearosethorn , @victoriacoffee , ,, oh theres only two ok well, have fun if u decide to do this!

#drac thinks #and im so sleepy and tired today was busyyyy

[fratboykate]

Just finished the 50k words of angsty goodness and damnnn you saved up every angsty thought in your head over the past year and put into this one chapter 😂 poor Ri being stuck in the middle like a pawn this entire time and knowing all the parents are fighting over her. No wonder she couldn’t eat while debating if she should bring it up 😭She definitely knew Kate would instantly shut it down unless something seriously wrong had happened. Now she’s witnessing round 2 of it beginning again. I hope she won’t blame herself and doesn’t think Yelena doesn’t consider her a daughter the same way Russelsprouts (loved that one!) is her son.

Fuck Tom in all this. He’s trash but you said he’s a good dad to Ri and I’d be pissed too if I thought I was losing custody of my kid, so I get it. I’m about 55% Team Yelena because I definitely think both sides have great intentions but don’t see those intentions in each other’s actions. Yelena, so used to seeing Kate babying Tom and letting him throw his tantrums while she’s always yelled at to back off, sees it as Kate letting Tom get his way again because “it’s easier than dealing with his tantrums”. Kate sees Yelena, who always gets into pissing matches with Tom instead of not engaging or deescalating it, as finally having her chance to put the final nail in this “competition” they have. Kate thinks Ri is just saying this in a normal teenager “you upset me or it’s not as fun here, I want to go to the other parent’s house” rather than what Yelena sees as a “there’s illegal things happening, fighting, and things being broken from these fights…this isn’t a healthy environment for Ri and she’s obviously uncomfortable and trusting us to take care of her”. So I definitely see the tricky way you wove all this in where you’re constantly reminding us that yes, it’s fiction but like most situations in life there’s no 100% right/wrong person in this fight. Kate is right that Yelena should’ve waited until they had time to talk it out. Yelena did this THE. NEXT. DAY. Not even 24 hours after it got mentioned and before they had time to even have one real conversation about it. The short one before bed wasn’t a full conversation where they had time to think it all over and talk it out with clear heads. This is something they probably should’ve talked out during a therapy appointment before any of this happened since it’s a hot topic for them to begin with and one they never fully see eye to eye on. I’m siding mostly with Yelena because Ri is more mature than most kids her age so if she’s this nervous about bringing it up and is doing it this seriously, then she’s thought hard about it, probably for quite awhile before bringing it up. She’s not doing it on a whim and that’s more of her home and a loving home environment so it makes sense she’d want to stay. Yelena had HORRIBLE execution for this, but I’ve always leaned more towards her side about how letting Tom get his way to avoid tantrums or “just let it go because his feelings are still hurt…7 years after their separation” has only done them more harm than good over the years. But bonus points to Kate for calling out Yelena on running out on their family again after promising she wouldn’t after yeeting to Russia with no warning.

Does Ri ever say what illegal things are happening? My guess is drugs, not the insane ones but Fratboy Kate adjacent.

golden child...you officially have a sibling. two golden children! lol

i love all of this. thank you for being thorough. it's fun for me to know what you guys are thinking and reacting to, especially on the ones where im not just shooting the shit like ive been all day. like that chapter was WERK.

and yeah "illegal things" is they just do drugs haha. some of her cousins also probably sell some pot on the side. small time shit like that. but she's a super square, straight edge kid so she's like "911 ILLEGAL THINGS ARE TRANSPIRING AROUND ME". it's not like her grandma's house is a meth lab lol

#kymau #anonymous #answers

[late-to-the-fandom]

Weird Questions for Writers! #5, 6, 7, 13, 24, 27, 28 annndd 37 ^_^

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

The closest I can think of is I always have a glass of wine before I can post something, but that’s more that I need to be a bit inebriated before I can bring myself to let go of a story 😂

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

My deepest darkest fear is that I am terrible at writing and anything nice that’s ever been said about my writing is just that, being nice. I have, however, pretty successfully worked past this fear. Like 65% 😅 Worst case scenario, my fear is totally true, Ive decided I would still write anyway because I want to 🤷🏻‍♀️

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

There’s just so many… exploring the headspaces of other, incredible people, creating beautiful sound combinations (I love the sound of writing), and crafting plots. I love mysteries, situations, scenarios.

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you to write about? What is easy?

I do not like to write emotional death scenes or honestly death of any kind. I will do it if it is absolutely necessary to the story, but I take the killing of characters as seriously as killing a person in real life and I’m never going to just do it because I’m bored or don’t know what else to do.

Easy subject matter? Sex. I love writing about sex in its million different little nuances, purposes, meanings, and emotions. I love sex as smut and sex being straightforward and NOT sexy. It’s just great to write about all the way around 😂

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does this look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

I love the prep of a story! Outlining is half the fun for me. It’s like putting a puzzle’s edge pieces together. I usually do a full outline, make sure I have a beginning and end and the major points, then I flesh each point out in a first draft once, after which I go back and finalize each chapter one at a time and post them in that way so I don’t lose myself to procrastination or over planning.

27. Who is the most stressful character you've ever written? Why?

Probably the most stressful character I’ve ever written is my one time foray into writing a Y/N reader insert fic. I was nervous because those are so hit or miss, trying to give the Y/N character enough features to be interesting but keep them vague enough for people to insert themselves easily. However, that story is hands down my most popular so I guess i did ok in the end 😅

28. Who is the most delightful character you've ever written? Why?

Renathal for sure. I just love him so much. His headspace is so much fun, so interesting, and I felt like I just slipped seamlessly into it and never had to work hard to find it. Does this mean my spirit guide is a morally gray, immortal vampire-like Prince? Very possibly and im ok with this.

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you've put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

Probably that I had way too much time on my hands, which wouldn’t actually be true so you can’t always trust history 😂 mostly I hope future readers of fandoms I’ve written for find my silly stories years from now and are just impressed that I sat down and finished things even though there was no audience for it at the time.

Thanks for the asks!

#ask games

[honeyblve]

i had a huge milestone happen yesterday in my health journey and i wanted to vent and document it for myself, kind of like a journal entry, because this is the end of a chapter and beginning of another for me. its kind of a selfish post that nobody else will probably care about but i think it will be nice to have to look back on. im not sure if adding trigger warnings to this post is needed but im going to add them just incase anyone takes the time to read this if you do read this i appreciate it sm.

tw: injury, mistreatment from doctors, mental health issues, su*cide

for the past year ive been dealing with a serious back injury that has wreaked havoc on my life. i had to quit my job and was basically bed ridden for months. its effected my mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing in such a horrible and traumatic way. i've seen numerous doctors and tried multiple types of possible solutions with no resolve in my pain, been rejected by a doctor for surgery due to my body type (dont even get me started on that bs. it was fully a him problem and not a me problem), and essentially lost all quality of life. at one point i was so exhausted and overstimulated from all the pain that i didnt see any point in living if the rest of my life was going to be consumed with an unimaginable and unbearable amount of pain. i spent many nights crying myself to sleep, feeling very isolated and alone, taking insane amounts of medicine for a small amount of relief, unable to rest due to pain, and missed out on some very important moments in my life and others around me lives as well. i graduated college earlier this year after 5 years of working full time, going to college full time, and dealing with health issues on top of it and was unable to walk across the stage and celebrate my hard work all because of this injury. i bottled up a lot of the stress and sadness i was experiencing because i didnt want to add another thing on to the list of problems to figure out for myself or my family. which in turn caused me to start having major issues with anxiety and depression. a year in my life that was meant for growth, transition, and finding my footing as a proper adult was completely overtaken. to say it was a hard year is such an understatement but truly the only way i can really put it.

yesterday, i saw a new specialist and was finally approved for surgery after being turned down by another specialist back in september ‘22. a surgery that takes 45 minutes and will almost instantly relieve any pain im experiencing. a surgery that i was told would usually be suggested 6 weeks into experiencing symptoms a year and two months after i started experiencing symptoms. for the first time i was shown my mri results that i had done 9 months ago and explained just how severe the injury in my back is. my jaw was on the floor at how horrible it was. i could finally understand what was happening inside my body. it helped my brain justify everything that ive been experiencing and proved to myself that i wasnt crazy. when i was asked if i wanted to move forward with the surgery it was the first time that i felt like i wasnt just being observed and passed along for someone else to make the decision for me. i finally felt like i was given the opportunity to speak for myself and make a decision for my own body. i wasnt seen based only on my outer appearance or a number on a scale. i was seen as a human being who is experiencing pain 24/7 for over 400 days and needed help. finally my advocacy for myself worked and a doctor is on my side. when he left the room i immediately started sobbing and felt like i could breathe for the first time in what felt like forever.

looking back i think in many ways this year was meant for internal growth. there were a lot of things i had to learn about myself and begin to change. either through therapy or by opening up to family and friends. so even though it was not necessarily growth in the literal world, i grew up a lot within myself. for some reason in all of my circumstances i always feel the need to learn something. maybe its just blind optimism. whatever it is though it helps me put one foot in front of the other. what i learned through all of this is valuing myself and knowing my self worth. i learned how to advocate for myself and not take no for an answer. i learned how strong i am in multiple areas of my life. but i also learned how to accept help and know that i cant do everything by myself. and that doesnt mean that i'm weak.

if anyone reads this i hope that you know its so important to learn to advocate for your wellbeing and dont allow anyone to mistreat you, use you, or demand that you meet their expectations before being treated as a human being. its okay to take a step back and take care of yourself. and when it comes to doctors and medicine, trust. your. body. it knows when something is wrong. doctors are just people and sometimes dont know wtf theyre talking about. they are not all-knowing deities. they dont live in your body. not agreeing with them is not against the law. it is okay to seek out care from someone else. and if you feel stuck with someone who is not listening to you or who doesnt see you as a human being, there are doctors out there that truly love what they do and want to help you. they dont see you as a statistic or a box to check off on a long list of things to do for the day. they truly want to see you thrive and be healthy. sometimes it just takes a little work to find them.

anyways this was much longer than i expected it to be. if you read this far down i am so grateful that you took some time to read this post. it means a lot. and if future me reads this, i hope i've continued to learn how to value myself in all circumstances and not take any of lifes bs.

#gracie’s ramblings #lifes a bitch #personal post #mental health #health #life update

[enchantedpendant]

things that have happened during the course of the 1 year-ish time i took off this site

1. my mental health reached the worst point it has ever been in my entire life

2. quickly and secretly took myself to a psychiatrist (props to myself ngl but also a huge thank you to a close friend of mine who recommended this particular doctor) and wow im so blessed to have her as my first ever encounter with a psychiatrist or even any kind of mental health professional… it may not be too much of a stretch to say that i owe her my life

3. during the critical time of just beginning to recover… caught some romantic feelings for one of my closest friend since high school (been friends since 2014) and got into a situationship which lasted barely a month… i managed to realize that the way things were going were NOT helping my mental health recovery and i told him that we should just be friends. no shade towards him tbh, he’s nothing but stellar as a friend and ngl he may have significantly helped me find the will to live again… but it really just wasnt working out well romantically with all the circumstances surrounding it. my brain being in the right place didnt necessarily mean my heart is tho lol it took several months for me to just… stop thinking about him and “oh how things couldve gone differently if only this and if only that” every now and then im fond of him, still am, and would probably always be

4. got off sertraline… and not quite bcs my doctor had advised me to but because i had just started to skip enough doses for my body to get used to being without it and start feeling the side effects whenever i try taking them again and i’d rather not😂 i’d like to fully put the blame on night shifts and school and all that but really some of it is just… my bad lol but anyways shoutout to sertraline for saving my life when i needed it!

5. juggled my mental health recovery with about 2 months of studying nearly 24 hours a day 7 days a week (i mean, as much studying as i could get done lol ive never been the studious type) in preparation for my exit exam… shoutout to the ten people in my study group for tolerating me through it all

6. passing my exit exam!! and graduating med school!!! finally being an MD which still feels unreal. anyways it is SO nice to finally close this chapter and go on to the next (also my skin started clearing up real quick after the exam results came out and knowing that i passed lol its almost like the cause of my skin problems was just med school all along😭)

#cw mentions of depression #hope life has been treating yall kindly! #friends to lovers has always been my fav trope… in fiction and irl whoops

[pettyprocrastination]

That Monty Navarro GIF right there. Thats Willas if his leg wasn't fucked

I-

@ficsilike-reblogged is this you?? ARE YOU TORMENTING ME???

The image of wilas dipping out of a doorway while staring at a (oblivious) reader with love before pulling back to do the same to a different door to yearn for OBERYN is gonna drive me goddamn insane how dare you.

Now I gotta listen to the song again. 😡

#GOD I CANT HANDLENTHOS #please blame @ficsilike-reblogged because im SIMPING FOR WILLAS TYRELL FUCKKKK #NOW IM IMAGINING HIM SINGING THIS #The PANIC #THE DRAMATOCS #that soft voice #oh no #A A AA A A #please go read sea salt right now #its golden #only one chapter out and ive been thinking about it 24/7 #ask #asks #i love this song so much lmao #'yes wadsworth i told you! bE JUST A MOMENT'

[neil-gaiman]

How Did you come up with the first eve in the story about adams wives? I haven’t been able to find anything about her after I read it and I want to know if she’s an actual biblical character or just someone you made

She's from the Midrash. I learned about her as a 12 year old, from my barmitzvah teacher. There was a point in there, long after I'd put her into Sandman, where I was starting to think I'd imagined her, when I ran across her in Robert Graves's Hebrew Myths....

Excerpt from: The Hebrew Myths by Robert Graves and Raphael Patai (New York:  Doubleday, 1964), pp 65-69

Chapter 10: Adam's Helpmeets

(a) Having decided to give Adam a helpmeet lest he should be alone of his kind, God put him into a deep sleep, removed one of his ribs, formed it into a woman, and closed up the wound, Adam awoke and said: 'This being shall be named "Woman", because she has been taken out of man. A man and a woman shall be one flesh.' The title he gave her was Eve, 'the Mother of All Living''. [1]

(b) Some say that God created man and woman in His own image on the Sixth Day, giving them charge over the world; [2]  but that Eve did not yet exist. Now, God had set Adam to name every beast, bird and other living thing. When they passed before him in pairs, male and female, Adam-being already like a twenty-year-old man-felt jealous of their loves, and though he tried coupling with each female in turn, found no satisfaction in the act. He therefore cried: 'Every creature but I has a proper mate', and prayed God would remedy this injustice. [3]

(c) God then formed Lilith, the first woman, just as He had formed Adam, except that He used filth and sediment instead of pure dust. From Adam's union with this demoness, and with another like her named Naamah, Tubal Cain's sister, sprang Asmodeus and innumerable demons that still plague mankind. Many generations later, Lilith and Naamah came to Solomon's judgement seat, disguised as harlots of Jerusalem'. [4]

(d) Adam and Lilith never found peace together; for when he wished to lie with her, she took offence at the recumbent posture he demanded. 'Why must I lie beneath you?' she asked. 'I also was made from dust, and am therefore your equal.' Because Adam tried to compel her obedience by force, Lilith, in a rage, uttered the magic name of God, rose into the air and left him.

Adam complained to God: 'I have been deserted by my helpmeet' God at once sent the angels Senoy, Sansenoy and Semangelof to fetch Lilith back. They found her beside the Red Sea, a region abounding in lascivious demons, to whom she bore lilim at the rate of more than one hundred a day. 'Return to Adam without delay,' the angels said, `or we will drown you!' Lilith asked: `How can I return to Adam and live like an honest housewife, after my stay beside the Red Sea?? 'It will be death to refuse!' they answered. `How can I die,' Lilith asked again, `when God has ordered me to take charge of all newborn children: boys up to the eighth day of life, that of circumcision; girls up to the twentieth day. None the less, if ever I see your three names or likenesses displayed in an amulet above a newborn child, I promise to spare it.' To this they agreed; but God punished Lilith by making one hundred of her demon children perish daily; [5] and if she could not destroy a human infant, because of the angelic amulet, she would spitefully turn against her own. [6]

(e) Some say that Lilith ruled as queen in Zmargad, and again in Sheba; and was the demoness who destroyed job's sons. [7] Yet she escaped the curse of death which overtook Adam, since they had parted long before the Fall. Lilith and Naamah not only strangle infants but also seduce dreaming men, any one of whom, sleeping alone, may become their victim. [8]

(f) Undismayed by His failure to give Adam a suitable helpmeet, God tried again, and let him watch while he built up a woman's anatomy: using bones, tissues, muscles, blood and glandular secretions, then covering the whole with skin and adding tufts of hair in places. The sight caused Adam such disgust that even when this woman, the First Eve, stood there in her full beauty, he felt an invincible repugnance. God knew that He had failed once more, and took the First Eve away. Where she went, nobody knows for certain. [9]

(g) God tried a third time, and acted more circumspectly. Having taken a rib from Adam's side in his sleep, He formed it into a woman; then plaited her hair and adorned her, like a bride, with twenty-four pieces of jewellery, before waking him. Adam was entranced. [10]

(h) Some say that God created Eve not from Adam's rib, but from a tail ending in a sting which had been part of his body. God cut this off, and the stump-now a useless coccyx-is still carried by Adam's descendants. [11]

(i) Others say that God's original thought had been to create two human beings, male and female; but instead He designed a single one with a male face looking forward, and a female face looking back. Again He changed His mind, removed Adam's backward-looking face, and built a woman's body for it. [12]

(j) Still others hold that Adam was originally created as an androgyne of male and female bodies joined back to back. Since this posture made locomotion difficult, and conversation awkward, God divided the androgyne and gave each half a new rear. These separate beings He placed in Eden, forbidding them to couple. [13]

Notes on sources:

1. Genesis II. 18-25; III. 20.

2. Genesis I. 26-28.

3. Gen. Rab. 17.4; B. Yebamot 632.

4. Yalqut Reubeni ad. Gen. II. 21; IV. 8.

5. Alpha Beta diBen Sira, 47; Gaster, MGWJ, 29 (1880), 553 ff.

6. Num. Rab. 16.25.

7. Targum ad job 1. 15.

8. B. Shabbat 151b; Ginzberg, LJ, V. 147-48.

9. Gen. Rab. 158, 163-64; Mid. Abkir 133, 135; Abot diR. Nathan 24; B. Sanhedrin 39a.

10. Gen. II. 21-22; Gen. Rab. 161.

11. Gen. Rab. 134; B. Erubin 18a.

12. B. Erubin 18a.

13. Gen. Rab. 55; Lev. Rab. 14.1: Abot diR. Nathan 1.8; B. Berakhot 61a; B. Erubin 18a; Tanhuma Tazri'a 1; Yalchut Gen. 20; Tanh. Buber iii.33; Mid. Tehillim 139, 529.

Authors’ Comments on the Myth:

1. The tradition that man's first sexual intercourse was with animals, not women, may be due to the widely spread practice of bestiality among herdsmen of the Middle East, which is still condoned by custom, although figuring three times in the Pentateuch as a capital crime. In the Akkadian Gilgamesh Epic, Enkidu is said to have lived with gazelles and jostled other wild beasts at the watering place, until civilized by Aruru's priestess. Having enjoyed her embraces for six days and seven nights, he wished to rejoin the wild beasts but, to his surprise, they fled from him. Enkidu then knew that he had gained understanding, and the priestess said: 'Thou art wise, Enkidu, like unto a godl'

2. Primeval man was held by the Babylonians to have been androgynous. Thus the Gilgamesh Epic gives Enkidu androgynous features: `the hair of his head like a woman's, with locks that sprout like those of Nisaba, the Grain-goddess.' The Hebrew tradition evidently derives from Greek sources, because both terms used in a Tannaitic midrash to describe the bisexual Adam are Greek: androgynos, 'man-woman', and diprosopon, 'twofaced'. Philo of Alexandria, the Hellenistic philosopher and commentator on the Bible, contemporary with Jesus, held that man was at first bisexual; so did the Gnostics. This belief is clearly borrowed from Plato. Yet the myth of two bodies placed back to back may well have been founded on observation of Siamese twins, which are sometimes joined in this awkward manner. The two-faced Adam appears to be a fancy derived from coins or statues of Janus, the Roman New Year god.

3. Divergences between the Creation myths of Genesis r and n, which allow Lilith to be presumed as Adam's first mate, result from a careless weaving together of an early Judaean and a late priestly tradition. The older version contains the rib incident. Lilith typifies the Anath-worshipping Canaanite women, who were permitted pre-nuptial promiscuity. Time after time the prophets denounced Israelite women for following Canaanite practices; at first, apparently, with the priests' approval-since their habit of dedicating to God the fees thus earned is expressly forbidden in Deuteronomy xxIII. I8. Lilith's flight to the Red Sea recalls the ancient Hebrew view that water attracts demons. 'Tortured and rebellious demons' also found safe harbourage in Egypt. Thus Asmodeus, who had strangled Sarah's first six husbands, fled 'to the uttermost parts of Egypt' (Tobit viii. 3), when Tobias burned the heart and liver of a fish on their wedding night.

4. Lilith's bargain with the angels has its ritual counterpart in an apotropaic rite once performed in many Jewish communities. To protect the newborn child against Lilith-and especially a male, until he could be permanently safeguarded by circumcision-a ring was drawn with natron, or charcoal, on the wall of the birthroom, and inside it were written the words: 'Adam and Eve. Out, Lilith!' Also the names Senoy, Sansenoy and Semangelof (meanings uncertain) were inscribed on the door. If Lilith nevertheless succeeded in approaching the child and fondling him, he would laugh in his sleep. To avert danger, it was held wise to strike the sleeping child's lips with one finger-whereupon Lilith would vanish.

5. 'Lilith' is usually derived from the Babylonian-Assyrian word lilitu, ,a female demon, or wind-spirit'-one of a triad mentioned in Babylonian spells. But she appears earlier as 'Lillake' on a 2000 B.G. Sumerian tablet from Ur containing the tale of Gilgamesh and the Willow Tree. There she is a demoness dwelling in the trunk of a willow-tree tended by the Goddess Inanna (Anath) on the banks of the Euphrates. Popular Hebrew etymology seems to have derived 'Lilith' from layil, 'night'; and she therefore often appears as a hairy night-monster, as she also does in Arabian folklore. Solomon suspected the Queen of Sheba of being Lilith, because she had hairy legs. His judgement on the two harlots is recorded in I Kings III. 16 ff. According to Isaiah xxxiv. I4-I5, Lilith dwells among the desolate ruins in the Edomite Desert where satyrs (se'ir), reems, pelicans, owls, jackals, ostriches, arrow-snakes and kites keep her company.

6. Lilith's children are called lilim. In the Targum Yerushalmi, the priestly blessing of Numbers vi. 26 becomes: 'The Lord bless thee in all thy doings, and preserve thee from the Lilim!' The fourth-century A.D. commentator Hieronymus identified Lilith with the Greek Lamia, a Libyan queen deserted by Zeus, whom his wife Hera robbed of her children. She took revenge by robbing other women of theirs.

7. The Lamiae, who seduced sleeping men, sucked their blood and ate their flesh, as Lilith and her fellow-demonesses did, were also known as Empusae, 'forcers-in'; or Mormolyceia, 'frightening wolves'; and described as 'Children of Hecate'. A Hellenistic relief shows a naked Lamia straddling a traveller asleep on his back. It is characteristic of civilizations where women are treated as chattels that they must adopt the recumbent posture during intercourse, which Lilith refused. That Greek witches who worshipped Hecate favoured the superior posture, we know from Apuleius; and it occurs in early Sumerian representations of the sexual act, though not in the Hittite. Malinowski writes that Melanesian girls ridicule what they call `the missionary position', which demands that they should lie passive and recumbent.

8. Naamah, 'pleasant', is explained as meaning that 'the demoness sang pleasant songs to idols'. Zmargad suggest smaragdos, the semi-precious aquamarine; and may therefore be her submarine dwelling. A demon named Smaragos occurs in the Homeric Epigrams.

9. Eve's creation by God from Adam's rib-a myth establishing male supremacy and disguising Eve's divinity-lacks parallels in Mediterranean or early Middle-Eastern myth. The story perhaps derives iconotropically from an ancient relief, or painting, which showed the naked Goddess Anath poised in the air, watching her lover Mot murder his twin Aliyan; Mot (mistaken by the mythographer for Yahweh) was driving a curved dagger under Aliyan's fifth rib, not removing a sixth one. The familiar story is helped by a hidden pun on tsela, the Hebrew for 'rib': Eve, though designed to be Adam's helpmeet, proved to be a tsela, a 'stumbling', or 'misfortune'. Eve's formation from Adam's tail is an even more damaging myth; perhaps suggested by the birth of a child with a vestigial tail instead of a coccyx-a not infrequent occurrence.

10. The story of Lilith's escape to the East and of Adam's subsequent marriage to Eve may, however, record an early historical incident: nomad herdsmen, admitted into Lilith's Canaanite queendom as guests (see 16. 1), suddenly seize power and, when the royal household thereupon flees, occupy a second queendom which owes allegiance to the Hittite Goddess Heba.

The meaning of 'Eve' is disputed. Hawwah is explained in Genesis III. 20 as 'mother of all living'; but this may well be a Hebraicized form of the divine name Heba, Hebat, Khebat or Khiba. This goddess, wife of the Hittite Storm-god, is shown riding a lion in a rock-sculpture at Hattusaswhich equates her with Anath-and appears as a form of Ishtar in Hurrian texts. She was worshipped at Jerusalem (see 27. 6). Her Greek name was Hebe, Heracles's goddess-wife.

[tigerdrop]

in lieu of doing more strenuous hand-based activities heres the Dogboy Gordon In Heat Megamix ive been talking about. i wrote this over the course of a couple months in an effort to feel okay about writing horny shit again and i only just realized there are nearly 6 thousand words here. and they only really fuck for like 10% of that

ta-dah

ive thought a lot about gordon being stuck back at gordonhouse after getting kicked out of barneyhouse. i think its ripe for a lot of pining. (and yes, he is pining over the guy hes actively banging. hes being a big mopey idiot over the fact that he doesnt get to have his fuckbuddy around 24/7.) absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever and gordons already at a baseline of "wheres benrey. wheres benrey"......and now i am about to turn it up to 11

so lets say......gordons starting to feel weirdly under the weather. sweaty and irritable and tired. hes holing himself up in his room a lot, wrapping himself up in blankets to fight off a chill and a sniffliness that wont go away. and hes gettin awfully moody, too. real fuckin testy. starting shit with freemind for no reason and snapping at og gordon like hes a teenager. and......hes nesting, almost, or at least, gathering up a whole bunch of blankets and pillows and anything that smells vaguely like benrey. (hes not really aware hes doing this last thing.)

basically, long story short, feetman is fucked up. hes pathetic. hes being a huge bitch. at least og gordon feels vaguely sorry for him, and expresses this by way of observing him and trying to treat it. for science. its better than freemind, who just loudly complains about him being a huge bitch and reeking up the place. theres something weird coming from vr gordons corner of the house.....a musky, heady, hormonal kind of thing that makes freemind act simultaneously territorial and irritable and more lascivious than normal. and that also piques og gordons attention, because having both of them be wound up little freaks at the same time is enough to make even the most resilient person pull their hair out

now gordon primes got his suspicions as to whats going on, but hes not gonna tell vr gordon that he suspects hes going into heat. that would compromise the experiment, and all that. so poor gordons just going thru all this shit not knowing what in the fuck is wrong with him and getting more worked up and irritable about it by the day. hes convinced that hes just got the flu, or something......except, uh, haha, jesus christ he is horny all the FUCKING TIME

he doesnt get it! he feels like shit all the time, so why is he constantly fighting off boners and having weird wet dreams and thinking about-- well. his fucking boyfriend, he guesses. (are they boyfriends?? he doesnt know. he gets a weird, sharp pang when he thinks about them not being boyfriends, at this point, but its not like theyve ever talked about it!) gordons half-convinced that hes just losing his mind from being stuck inside all the time and he really just wants to see benrey again. its, like, all he thinks about. (see? hes losing it. theres the proof.)

the sucks thing for everybody else is that gordon is also Extremely Vocal about how shitty he feels and how much he wishes he didnt feel shitty so he could go see benrey and how much he cant stand benrey for not being able to read his mind and come over when he feels bad. eventually freemind gets so sick of his shit that he decides to cut out the middleman and get benrey involved directly. "come take care of your fucking dog before i call the aspca! animal neglect is a crime, asshole!"

(if pressed, freemind would adamantly reject the idea that hes being nice to gordon. but on some level, hes kinda sympathetic. the guys clearly miserable, and he just keeps asking for the same fucking thing. might as well humor him to shut him up.)

vr gordon is completely unaware of these machinations, however. hes just holed up in his room trying to work out what makes him feel better because, uhh, powerade isnt helping

jacking off doesnt do a whole lot for him anymore. like, it feels good, but its not very satisfying. gordon just ends up feeling more restless than anything afterward. and hes always stupid horny. more blankets. a box fan. less blankets. sleeping with one of benreys shirts pressed up to his face. grinding into his pillow when he wakes up hard from yet another weird dream. theyre all a little helpful, and he feels like hes working towards the right thing, somehow, but its never really enough to take the edge off

and then.....he tries......jerking off more. especially when he realizes that its bizarrely soothing to do so while he can smell benrey up close and personal on that stupid shirt of his. better still when he rolls onto his side.....and then his stomach.......rocking his hips into the mattress until he gets the idea to lift his hips a little. and......oh. cool. something kind of......clicks. in his head. as he raises his hips higher while he keeps his arms wrapped around a pillow and benreys shirt jammed against his nose. hes got that lil moment of realization that this is good, actually. this feels like a good move. and its making some of that discomfort melt away

and gordon thinks about.....how it felt. earlier. when they were with barmey. and benrey had him just like this, ass up, face down, and was spreading him apart and licking him open and making him submit and he groans so fucking hard that embarassment just rips through him like lightning. but his tail starting to wag a little faster.....electricity shooting through his belly......and he cant help but wonder. what if benrey had kept going? pulled back and-- maybe, replaced his tongue with his fingers, one at a time, curling them inside him and telling him how well hes behaving and-- and his dick throbs, hard, and gordon realizes he wants fingers inside of himself right fucking now, thank you, hes not fully certain how to accomplish it be he is going to fucking try

(sigh) so my guy figures out about the old fingers in the ass trick. and i need you to understand that i am fully convinced that this is one of those guys who has an uproarious reaction to getting fingers in his ass. mr repressed and uptight over here doesnt really get what the big deal is until he gets braver and pushes a little deeper and hes rock hard in an instant, goodbye, just like everybodys favorite creative writing exercise

and this is what he decides to do for a solid day or two without leaving his room, because, honestly, this is awesome. and the longer he spends jerking off the less time he spends stressing about the fact that his imaginations getting really vivid, here. sure, like, hes no stranger to weird dreams even before this, but this is the first time hes really letting his mind run wild and this dude is nonstop thinking about being bred and gordon still has no fucking idea that hes in heat. doesnt even occur to him

unfortunately this also does not solve his problems but at least it feels baller and it keeps him occupied. also, unfortunately, the increased rate of jerking off is causing a serious uptick in Dog Smells, the effect of which is turning freemind into a nightmare. its just not good vibes in this house. enter: benrey

now i need you to understand that when these two meet up again i want gordon to get Emotional. think about how genuinely excited he gets to see some of his pals in canon. the like......excitement and disbelief when benrey shows up outside his window throwing rocks at it before noclipping in. he forgets to even act pissed off at first. i think it would be super fucking cute for him to drop the game for a moment just out of shock, basically. his tails waggin, his ears are perked up, and hed probably tackle benrey to the ground if he wasnt also a sweaty, trembling mess whos been holed up in his room for days.

and benrey has No Fucking Idea what he has walked in on here. as far as benrey knows, freemind just demanded he get over there and take care of his dog.

(INTERLUDE: here is the part where i gin up a freemind POV of this exact scene. b/c i am out of my fucking mind

so. i had the thought of a freemind POV chapter where hes spying on gordon and benrey.....because. gordons in heat. ive talked about that scenario before too (literally so many FUCKING times okay i just need this dude to have the uncontrollable urge to be bred like a little bitch! and for benrey to take pity on him and make him feel better by nutting in him literally as many times as is physically possible!!!)

but i wanna manifest it in this specific way: from an outside perspective. voyeurism is great and also i have a one track mind and basically the only time i traffic in Other Guys in this fandom anymore is as a participant in gordon and benreys horse shit. Im not apologizing for this

lets say.....vr gordons behavior has been getting worse and worse for "unknown reasons" and freeman prime just sees it as a key observational opportunity for his research. while freeminds getting really irritated at how much its cutting into his normal way of life. for one thing, vr gordons room reeks, and he cant even escape it in his own room! and its turning him into a feisty, aggressive, and loud son of a bitch. but he cant even resolve it in his usual fashion at this point (baiting vr gordon into another competition/fuckfest) b/c gordons being a little sadsack holed up in his room and doesnt wanna play

but also.....he kinda just feels bad for the guy at a certain point. hes clearly really miserable and looks downright ill and all hes asking for is to see his boytoy again. (gordons convinced that hes dying, and feels the need to dramatically speak to benrey one last time before he croaks.) so freemind decides, in all his benevolence, to go over gordon primes head and drag the guy over there anyway. (with machinations, not his literal bare hands. what is he, a caveman?) he reasons that itll be a good opportunity to twist gordons arm into groveling at his feet later

and he spies on the two of them in gordons room.....why? idk. possibly something to do with investigating this relationship between a gordon and a barney that he had yet to fully analyze. tl;dr he gets trapped in their closet for a remix of that one barmey voyeurism chapter b/c why the fuck not

i just.....i dont know.....i think theres something really charming about a 3rd party not being able to fully make out what theyre saying or doing but piecing things together anyway.....like benreys weirdly soft tone of voice when hes talking to a super agitated gordon. as far as any of them know, hes not really like that. he either sounds bored or smug, but either way, its usually straight-up antagonistic

it would make freemind bristle to hear it b/c its almost a mocking tone, but.....it makes gordons shoulders drop and gets him to let go of some of that tension and thats probably fascinating to watch. literally soothing him like a stressed out dog, huh. smoothing back his hair and murmuring things in a low, even tone that freeminds enhanced hearing still isnt good enough to make out. (the guy mumbles, okay? he needs a fucking toastmasters meetup.)

it would equal parts horrify and fascinate freemind, in my onion. watching a version of himself fall that hard into the loyal pet role.....its pathetic! for all that gordon goes on about not being a slave to his instinct or whatever, he sure is doing a bad job of acting like it! its like watching himself, but worse.

and benreys having to soothe him like a startled animal b/c he doesnt even know whats wrong with himself, but theres something thick enough on the air that even benrey can smell it, and hes taking some stabs at the dark. especially with how charged some of the shit gordons saying is......"i cant fucking take it anymore", "you smell so good", "i dont know whats wrong with me, man, my dick hasnt gone down for days and im pretty sure i need a doctor-- no, a real one, not the other gor-- NOT a vet, JESUS"

and the whole time.....freeminds peeking from behind a closet door. watching them devolve from outright hostility into "gordon climbing into benreys lap and shoving one of benreys hands up his shirt and demanding that he fucking touch him already"

normally i dont think freemind would be averse to a little bit of voyeurism, here. if it was anybody else, hed probably at least engage in a little heavy petting. but this is getting weird, man. he cant shake the uncanny feeling that this is something too intimate for him to be watching. for one thing, gordons whimpering like a goddamn dog just from a little necking, and for two, hes never really been the kind of guy to watch people make out for 15 minutes before they get to the good stuff

its just kind of unsettling how much these two clearly really, really like each other at this point. its not like watching gordon prime give vr gordon a handjob as part of a "test". freemind expected more of a hatefuck kind of deal out of these two, what with how often gordons normally going on about how much he hates the guy, what a pain in the ass benrey is, how he just wishes benrey would stop jerking him around.....etc. freemind could shit himself right now. that lying bitch!

i imagine its also kind of painful, on a personal level, for him to watch this borderline-sappy shit. he cant even fathom being on the receiving end of that behavior, let alone from......well. theyve all got their barneys, right? and gordon primes basically doomed himself to incel status b/c he wont nut up and do anything about it. freemind just assumed they were all in the same boat: cursed to casual sex with their roommates/clones, forever, and unable to achieve any kind of intimacy b/c all 3 gordons are fucked up in the exact same way. since theyre all just diff flavors of the same fucking guy, right?

well, theres the evidence that hes wrong. and that vr gordons better than him, somehow. thats gotta suck, bro

anyway then he watches vr gordon get railed in the ass a bunch and jerks off anyway b/c its still hot. see ya)

“take care of your dog”. huh. hes got no clue what that means but, yknow, he does kinda miss his dog. hasnt seen gordon in awhile. and he immediately comments "wow. you look fucked up" in as blunt and unsympathetic a way as possible. but gordons so far gone that he cant even work up a good anger about it. he is pretty fucked up, man. and benrey sits on the bed and slaps his forehead with a palm to take his temperature (and that gets gordon to bitch at him, finally, that thats not how you do it, asshole) and judges that, uh, he is hot. in his expert opinion

and thats when gordon kinda grabs his sleeve and tugs it and starts tryin to say something. hes really bad at it, because he is having to perform the mortifying task of Owning Up To It, but eventually he manages to grind out that he needs benrey to touch him, please. just pet him. something. he feels really bad and he just needs benrey to scratch his fucking ears. this is the most gordon can cop to in one go, and it is such a sad struggle to watch, but benreys caught off guard by it and he feels weirdly bad for gordon upon hearing it so  hes just like "whoa, okay" when gordon tugs his hand to his head

gordon groans the moment his fingernails start scratching behind the ears and digging into his scalp. even just that much feels really fucking good. its comforting, for one thing, and its benrey, for another, and the physical touch feels so fucking good right now that goosebumps are crawling down his neck. gordon cant help but lean against benrey and bury his head in the crook of his shoulder. he wants to hide his face from scrutiny and he wants to get closer but he doesnt know how to say what his fucking problem is

and benreys weirdly quiet. just kinda mumbling and shushing him intermittently, awkward and not sure what to do b/c this is a level of intimacy he was not expecting but gordons sure is responding nicely to a second hand in his hair

so having both of benreys hands scratching at his scalp is really getting to gordon. hes scritchin behind the ears and gordons tails wagging at a mile a minute. the feelings making goosebumps race down his neck and arms. he starts kind of mumbling something into benreys shoulder, how hes been feeling so fucked up lately, and he squirms a little closer. hes not really aiming for anywhere in particular but every neuron thats firing in him right now is telling him to get closer. make contact. he missed the fucking guy, what can he say.

and one of benreys hands......slips down to gordons face. his jaw. a thumb pushing into that soft little divot between his jaw and neck, like hes trying to push up into gordons fucking teeth. its weird and bizarrely intrusive, but benreys hand is broad and warm and gordon leans into it anyway, groaning with relief. its not like its not doing anything for him. kind of the opposite, actually. then he palms at gordons neck, and gordon starts breathing harder. he can feel his heartbeat rabbit-fast, pushing against benreys skin (and theres no way benrey isnt feeling that, too).

benrey eyes are lidded and his breaths starting to get heavier, too. naturally, yknow, since gordons practically draped over him right now, melting all the more the longer benrey keeps petting him. oxytocin is crazy, man, especially when a guys in the full throes of some kind of chemical meltdown of the glands. gordons eyes are screwed shut, tail thumping furiously against the bed, and hes panting at benreys neck like hes a fucking dog.  he just doesnt know how to articulate what the fuck his problem is

benrey smells insanely good to him right now, and gordon just blurts that out. benrey gives him some shit for it, but when gordon only makes a weird noise in response and fists his hands in benreys hoodie, it makes him shut up real quick. hes squeezing out words about feeling like he needs something, but its clearly a fucking effort. its almost pitiful

so. gordons crawled right into benreys lap, too impatient after days and days of feeling like this (you know, being in heat, in so many words). hes been pounding off like crazy, that brand new collar of his strapped to his neck nearly every time b/c hes that desperate to feel… well. *benrey*. he cant fucking jerk off to thoughts of anything else - porn doesnt do it for him, and his fantasies slip right back to the same thing every single time. its frustrating! hes bisexual, for gods sake! its not like hes normally immune to the wiles of the Phat Ass White Girl, but lately he just keeps ending up on his hands and knees and whining benreys name into his pillow and he couldnt focus on a girls rack if he tried

point being. hes being awfully fucking demanding. (and also, hes wearing the collar *right fucking now)*. he shoves benreys hand up his shirt and shivers the moment he makes contact with gordons burning-hot flesh. and hes demanding that benrey touch him already, jesus, hes losing his mind! and benreys just crooning at him, “bossy, huh,” but hes scritching gordons ears and palming at his side and nosing at gordons neck and gordon starts to feel like hes melting into it. his protests at being talked down to are perfunctory at best

benrey licks a stripe up gordons neck and starts muttering his stupid horseshit right in gordons ear and it makes gordon clutch his shoulders so tight, claws digging into the meat of him. benreys kind of into it, though, and it just makes him laugh, low and harsh and right in gordons ear. that just makes gordons problem worse. he lets out quiet, nasal whines on every exhale, like a literal fucking dog.

he starts teasing, like, “haha, you’re *gagging* for it, bro,” but gordon doesnt respond with the defensiveness he expects. instead, its like opening a floodgate - he is, hes fucking *desperate*, okay, his dick hasnt gone down in days and he wants benrey so bad he cant see straight and he cant stop thinking about him and all of this comes tumbling out of him at once. gordons trying to press himself as close to benrey as he can physically get, legs straddling benreys lap and arms clutched tight around his back. and when benrey prods a little more, tells gordon to say what hes been thinkin about, gordon starts to pant, squeezing his eyes shut. but he cant bring himself to do anything more than choke and stutter on the words

hes half-hard in his underwear already (and, lets be be clear, he was only in boxer briefs and a tank top to begin with. hes sweating buckets and its the least amount of clothing he could get away with wearing around the house) and his tails thumping a mile a minute and hes so far gone, just from benrey talking down to him and kissing his neck and scratching his ears. but hes not budging yet, so benrey slides that hand on his ears over to his ponytail and *yanks*. tells him, “speak.” gordons dick twitches rapidly, and he lets out a sharp sound, and he finally says it: he needs benrey to *fuck* him, jesus

benrey lets out a harsh breath at that. “yeah? thats what puppy wants?” and the nickname should blister him, make him feel to embarrassed to continue, but gordons too desperate to care. he just starts spewing a litany of “god yes”s and “please”s. hes getting harder and harder, pressed up against benreys belly, and benrey can *feel* it. “good boy,” he mutters, and those claws dig harder, that panting gets louder and harsher

he slips a hand around to gordons back, rubbing slowly for a moment as if to soothe him, and then slides it under the back of gordons boxers. and lower still. starts rubbing at gordons hole. that gets a quiet “oh god” out of gordon.

gordon cant help himself - he rocks forward against benrey, just a little, rubbing his bulge against what he realizes is benreys *extremely* hard dick in his sweatpants. hes not the only one whos got it bad. but he *is* the only one whispering, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as benrey pushes a little further, makes as if hes about to breach gordon dry. the poor guys so needy that he probably wouldnt even argue!

but benrey just stares at him, wide eyed and flushed, mouth hanging open a little. gordons so hot for this that it surprises the both of them.

anyway after some boring position finagling benrey coaxes gordon onto his hands and knees, running a broad hand down gordons shaking back. and he pulls back gordons tail, exposing him. its so fucking humiliating - gordons got his face buried in a pillow, and his ass in the air, and hes never felt so *vulnerable* before. he wants to argue, he wants to lift his head and look back to make sure that everythings, like, okay back there - benreys staring at his entire asshole, okay, and he wasnt exactly anticipating benrey making a house call to fuck him in the ass - but every time he lifts his head, or starts to say something neurotic about it, benrey chides him about it. clicks his tongue. tells him, “hey. dogs dont talk” or “i said *bow*, bro”.

for all his insisting that hes a real guy, that hes not just a dog, gordons feeling less and less like a human and more like something in thrall to his instincts. the condescension rankles like it always does, but doing what benrey tells him to feels good. feels natural. presenting himself like this feels like what hes *supposed* to do. it doesnt stop him from running his mouth entirely, but it helps to mitigate some of the embarrassment.

and then… benrey *licks*. gordon tenses and gasps. he doesnt know how benrey can stand it, its gotta be, like, unhygienic! but that didnt scare him off the last time they tried this, and its not like gordon hasnt thought about it since. hes thought about it a lot, actually. but hes been too neurotic to ask for it. benreys not stupid, though. hes a good dog owner (at least, so he thinks) and hes gonna take care of his dog. so he licks again, and again, pressing a little harder against gordons hole on each pass with the broad side of his tongue until he dares to breach it with the tip.

gordons rock hard again in an instant. his dick hangs between his legs and drips onto the sheets. he digs his fingers into the pillow now, tearing holes in its surface with those sharp nails of his, and he makes embarrassingly high noises that he muffles into into the pillow, too. hes tense, hes so fucking tense, he should be clamping down and making benreys task really fucking hard, but theres bright pink sweet voice dripping from his hole and benreys rubbing the side of his thigh in an effort to soothe him and both of these things work in tandem to get him to relax. and benrey works his tongue in further, further than a human ought to.

the tip was one thing, but it gets wider as benrey pushes it in, and its just as good as it was before - better, even, because now its just the two of them, just a master and his dog, and benreys the only one he wants to see him like this. bent over and whimpering. he cant— he cant stomach the thought of anybody else doing this to him. hell, there was a point once where the idea of stomaching *benrey* doing this to him would have made him laugh. but here he is. benreys fucking him open with his tongue and pressing against something thats making him see stars and gordon just wants *more*. he says it so sweet, too, voice growing hoarse and raw as he begs benrey to just fucking do it already, he doesnt wanna come like this!

gordon gets so worked up and emotional about it that benrey takes the time to scratch behind his ears again, shushing him and telling him to chill. benreys got him. hes been a good dog, and good dogs get treats. hearing the words “good dog” makes gordons entire body flush. thats all he wants, really. he wants to be a good dog. he wants to be *told*. he blurts out, “oh my god— say it again,” and benreys like, “huh? say what? youre gonna have to be more specific,” clicking the last syllable. it makes all the hairs on gordons head rise and prickle with shame. the best he can do is mumble it into his pillow.

benrey hears it, though, and tugs at gordons collar from behind, just enough to raise his head. “whassat? you want me to call you a good boy?” gordon cant bring himself to answer that directly, but his stupid body betrays him by making him whine. jesus christ, yes, thats all he WANTS! he needs benrey to be good and nice to him for once in his fucking life and give him what he wants instead of taking, taking, taking! but benrey just tells him that hes gonna have to earn it. gonna have to be *real* good for him. gordon could fucking snarl at that, but benreys pulling back to rub his dick between gordons cheeks and against his hole and that shuts him up pretty fast because hes *so close* to getting what he wants and hes not about to fuck it up now by running his big dumb mouth

and then… he starts to push in. that sweet voice has loosened gordon up enough to take even benrey, who, uh, is definitely the bigger of the two, in that regard. he goes slow, uncharacteristically so, and gordons chest heaves with the force of how hard hes breathing. a quiet string of “oh god”s spills out of him as he tries to crane his neck back to watch. the head breaches him with a strange popping sensation, and benrey groans, loud, as the rest of him slides in with little resistance in comparison. “good,” he pants in turn, “youre takin it so good,” and—

and gordon comes, in weak, aborted spurts. it snuck up on him. he clenches so fucking tightly that it winds benrey a little. he breathes out, “whoa. did you—” but gordon just begs him to shut up, keep going, hes not— hes not done yet, its always like this, its not *enough*. his dick barely even flags afterward, it just hangs there, achingly hard and dripping with cum. benrey cant even find it in himself to make fun of him. he wants it so fucking bad, doesnt he? and he feels so good, so fucking tight and slick around benrey that the only thought running through his head is “gotta take care of my dog gotta fuck my best friend gotta nut in him and make him howl”. so he pushes himself alllll the way in until theyre pressed together, skin to skin.

then he starts to move. slow, careful thrusts, more for benreys benefit than gordons. if hes not careful, hes gonna blow his load, right then and there, and hes trying to make it good for gordon, too, okay? unlike *some* of them, hes not gonna bust in two minutes and then spend the next half hour crying and trauma-dumping to the guy hes still got his dick inside of.

once he thinks hes got a grip, though, benrey starts fucking him in earnest, and that changes gordons vocalizations from weak little whimpers into something louder. less restrained. hes given up any pretense of being quiet so that his other selves dont hear that hes snuck his boytoy into his room. just loud, wordless moans on each thrust, initially muffled into the pillow but soon spilling into the wider room when he turns his head to catch his breath. the only words hes managing are “oh god” and “please” and “benrey, benrey, *benrey*”, and benrey just responds to him like, “yeah? thats good? fuuuck, bro, so good for me,” all short of breath and barely able to speak himself

he wants to see gordons face. he *needs* to see gordons face. needs to see what hes doing to him, needs to see that cute fuckin blush of his. so he tugs on gordons collar again, bringing him to his hands and knees properly instead of that bowing position. and then further still - pulls him back so that benreys on his knees, and gordons on his knees in turn, on his lap, cock still buried inside of him and fucking him in short, hurried thrusts. “paws up,” benrey tells him, and gordon does it. instantly. no resistance. just folds them at his chest like a real dog would.

“whos a good boy?” benrey croons, right in his ear again. gordon gasps, “i-i am!”

“yeah? youre a good boy?” nod, wail. “whose— whose good boy are you?”

and gordon chokes on his response. he cant say it, he *cant*, he doesnt want to be benreys but he does, he *does*. he doesnt want to be benreys because its not fucking fair! he cares so fucking much! so much more than benrey does, it feels like, obsessing over the guy like hes wrapped thorny vines all around gordons heart and he cant so much as shift in his seat without feeling the tug and the ache and thinking of benrey again. and benrey doesnt care, he never fucking cares, except—

except he showed up at gordons house, in his room. without even being asked. like he knew something was wrong. and he— hes always talking to gordon, shooting him stupid texts just to make him laugh. scheduling *date nights* for them. date nights where, yeah, maybe they couldnt see each other in person, and maybe they always end in some kind of depraved sexual act, but its not like gordons not into it. hes frighteningly into it, actually. and hes *so* into hearing benreys voice, low and crooning, right in his ear, and seeing him lean on an elbow and smile at him afterward. its— its practically genuine. and benreys always making excuses to talk with him, do things with him, watch stupid fucking movies that only gordon cares about and stream with him on twitch to help boost his subscriber count and—

and—

oh god. maybe he *does* care. that might be more terrifying than the alternative.

then benrey yanks the collar again. presses the whole of gordons back against his front in one hot, unbroken line. and asks, “i said, whose good boy are you, bro? *speak.*”

“benrey,” he blurts out, a ragged moan, “d-dont make me sa-AY it, oh god—”

“no?” benrey stills suddenly. his hands keep gordon stuck in place, unable to move or bounce or feel benrey shift inside of him. “thats, uh… thats too bad, friend. this trains for good boys only. good dogs go to heaven 2. no bad dogs allowed. gonna have to, uhh, escort you off—”

“im not a bad dog!”

“i dunno, gordo. bein’ kind of, uh… disobedient.”

(sorry. thats all i got . byeeee)

#this is so far from finished b/c A) im a coward now and B) typing qith my left hand sucks so i dont wanna do it right now. Sorry #writin stuff