#pretty good summary of their entire relationship tbh

[thetriumphantpanda]

where you want your gift, girl? | Joel Miller

Summary | It’s your birthday and Joel, knowing it’s not your favourite celebration, is keen to show you that it‘s not always going to be a bad day, not if he can help it.

Warnings | birthdays, allusions to strained parental relationships, food & alcohol consumption, smoking of (1) cigarette, no/pre-outbreak AU, gift giving, explicit smut, rough sex, choking/breath play, brief spit play, oral sex (F Receiving), safe unprotected sex, dirty talk, creampie, cumplay, literally just filth tbh, no use of y/n.

Word Count | 4.2K

Authors Note | Honestly? It’s my birthday today and all I want is for Joel Miller to fucking rail me to celebrate - we can’t have everything we want I suppose, so we’ll have to deal with writing our fantasies instead! Happy Birthday to me - Enjoy!

Masterlist | Ko-Fi

You’d never really enjoyed birthdays. Other people’s, sure. The opportunity to treat your friends and make other people happy was something you’d always loved, but when it was you as the centre of attention, you almost hated it. The way people would train their eyes on you as you opened their gifts, the anxiety that you felt not knowing what it would be and whether you’d have to pretend it was the best thing in the world when you could think of a million things you needed above what they’d given you. It always made you feel ungrateful. Birthdays aren’t as exciting as you get older either, just another reminder of how far behind the rest of your friends you are, how little you seemed to have accomplished next to them in the same amount of years. 

It was no different this year, not really. Your mother had phoned you before you’d gone to work, asked if you received the card she’d sent in the post that had the customary $100 stuffed into it, before chiding you for not doing as you said you would last time you spoke and find a new job, something more challenging, related to that degree you’d spent all her money on. You sigh and hang up the phone before she can say anything else, a mumbled sorry that you were running late but thank you for the card. 

The only saving grace for your birthday this year was the fact it was a Friday, so you didn’t have to worry about drinking too much beer and having to go to work the next morning with a hangover. To their credit, your work colleagues had been quite nice to you - they’d pooled together to get you a gift card for you to spend on whatever you’d like, and Sandra from accounts had made you a birthday cake – red velvet because it was your favourite. Once everyone had eaten a slice, she put a Tupperware on your desk with two more generous slices in it, winking at you before walking away. 

“For your handsome boyfriend.” She’d said, giggling as she walked away. 

There was another saving grace for your birthday, you supposed. Joel Miller. Who had burst into your life in a whirlwind eight months ago when his beautiful daughter had spilled her hot chocolate all over your crisp new shirt in her hurry to get to the table so she could drink it. He’d been the most apologetic you ever thought you’d seen a man, helping you to wipe the worst of it off with napkins whilst Sarah profusely apologised next to you. You’d put a comforting hand on her shoulder, told her it was okay, and that you understood entirely, you’d have been as excited as her to drink hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows. Joel had insisted on paying for your dry cleaning, something you’re pretty sure only ever happened in films, and when you’d phoned him to tell him it really had been a minimal amount, he’d asked to take you to dinner instead, and the rest really was history. 

He’s phoning you now, his name popping up on the front screen of your phone, you smile as you answer it. 

“Hello, handsome.” You greet. 

“Good afternoon,” His southern drawl hits your ears, “Happy birthday, my darlin’ girl.” 

God, he makes you so happy, “Thank you, cowboy.” 

“You want me to pick you up and take you for dinner?” He asks, “Tommy is gonna look after Sarah tonight, so I’m all yours, whatever you wanna do.” 

You think for a second, sure, dinner out is a nice idea, but it’s been a long week, and you think what you want most is to be at home with him, “You think you could grill me a steak and let me drink beer on your couch instead?” You ask, slightly embarrassed that this is all you want for your birthday. 

“If that’s what you want, darlin’, then I’ll grill you the best steak of your life,” He chuckles, and then you can hear him cover the phone and speak to Sarah, who must be just back from school, “Sarah wants to speak to you real quick.” 

He passes the phone and it’s Sarah’s sweet voice that greets you next, “Happy birthday!” 

“Thank you, honey,” You smile, “You looking forward to some time with your Uncle Tommy?” 

“He’s gonna take me to the movies,” You can hear the grin on her face, “I already heard dad telling him not to feed me too much candy, but he never listens,” You chuckle, “I got you a present,” She speaks again, “I gave it to dad so you can open it later.” 

“Ahhh you sweet girl,” You coo, “I’m sure I’ll love it,” You reassure, “And I’ll be there tomorrow so I can thank you in person.” 

“Alright,” She replies, “Dad wants the phone back, but have a nice birthday with him!” 

You say goodbye to her, and then Joel tells you he’ll be waiting for you when you finish to bring you home. It’s only two hours until the end of the day, but you struggle to focus on the emails you’ve got to answer – you get through as few as is acceptable before the end of the day, logging out at exactly 5:30pm, box of cake clutched in your hand, handbag slung over your shoulder as you head out. 

Joel is leaning against the side of his truck, arms crossed over his chest so his biceps are bulging in the flannel he’s wearing, he’s also got one of his ankles crossed over the over. He looks so casual but as devastatingly handsome as he always is. He slips an arm around your waist when you’re close enough, pushing his palm into your lower back to press your body to his, dipping down to press his lips to yours. He’s gentle with it, opening his mouth against yours so he can slip his tongue into your mouth, letting his tongue meld with your own, kissing you slowly, like he’s got all the time in the world. 

“Get a room, you two!” It’s Sandra from accounts. 

Joel pulls away just enough to laugh against your lips, pressing his to yours once more before pulling away properly, opening the car door for you to get in, pressing a light swat of his hand to your ass as you hoist yourself up into the truck. 

Once he’s slipped into the driver's side and settled one of his hands on your upper thigh, he starts the drive from the city out to his house. It’s a quiet drive, Joel’s humming along to whatever is playing on the radio, you’re occupied with looking out the window. This is what you love about Joel, that he’ll sit in silence, won’t feel the need to make you talk, it makes you feel comfortable, knowing that he’s there when you need him, but he’s not going to force you to speak when you don’t want to. 

He’s pulled into the drive in no time, picking up the grocery bags from the backseat. You try and peak inside to see what he’s bought; you’re hoping he’s got the ingredients to make those mashed potatoes you like, and mushrooms that he’ll cook on the grill too. 

When he opens the door, you’re almost overwhelmed by the sight that greets you. There are gold and black balloons littering the floor, with one bigger helium balloon, weighted down so it doesn’t float along the ceiling, set in the corner with big ‘happy birthday’ lettering written on it. There’s a birthday banner pinned to the wall, and a selection of wrapped gifts on the coffee table. You have a sneaking suspicion that most of this is Sarah’s doing.

You giggle a little as Joel presses himself against your back, kissing at your neck, “How much of this was Sarah?” You ask, following him through to the kitchen. 

“She blew up all those balloons before she went to bed last night, and she did all the wrapping, but the banner and the big balloon, that was all me, baby.” 

You press your lips to his cheek, smiling as he starts unloading the grocery bags. Two ribeye steaks, and just like you wanted, mushrooms to grill, and potatoes to mash. He leaves you in charge of watching the potatoes whilst he grills the rest of the food outside. Whilst it’s resting, he mashes the potatoes with enough butter to clog your arteries, but when you sit at the table, and those potatoes are in your mouth, you can’t find it in you to care - it’s your birthday after all. 

“Everythin’ alright, baby?” He asks, cutting into his steak.

“It’s perfect,” You grin, spearing a grilled mushroom onto your fork, “Better than sitting in a stuffy restaurant anyway.” 

You finish your food in relative silence. Joel insists on doing the dishes even if he did most of the cooking, before he’s leading you back to the living room. 

Joel sits you down on the couch, treading as carefully as he can through the trail of balloons to get you a fresh beer. He kneels down on the floor between you and the coffee table, taking a glug of his beer, before reaching across the table for the first gift, setting it in your lap. 

“That one is from Sarah,” He explains, “She made me promise you would open it first.” 

“Rules are rules,” You shrug with a chuckle, carefully tearing open the wrapping paper. 

When you pull the paper from the material it was wrapped in you feel overwhelmed. It’s the exact same blouse that Sarah had tipped her hot chocolate over, just in black instead of white. The shirt had been a write off from the start, the chocolate leaving a stain that even the dry cleaner couldn’t get out. 

“She saved her pocket money for months to buy this,” He murmurs, pinching the silky fabric between his fingers, “Said if it was what brought us together, she wanted you to be able to wear it.” 

You can feel tears prickling at your eyes as you fold the material up carefully, “She’s such a special girl, Joel.” You whisper, watching as Joel leans back over the table to pick up another gift. 

“This one’s from Tommy.” He murmurs, handing you the largest box on the table. 

You rip the paper off and open the box, revealing an actual cowboy hat. You laugh, because Tommy has always said in order to properly fit in, you’d need a cowboy hat. Joel reaches into the box, pulling the brown Stetson out of its box, placing it on your head. 

“Suits you, cowgirl,” He growls, leaning under the brim of the hat to kiss you, nibbling your bottom lip as he pulls away, “Keep it on.” He demands when you go to take it off. 

“He didn’t need to get me a gift,” You mutter as Joel moves the two final gifts towards you, “And it’s a proper Stetson, this must have cost a fortune.” 

“Not that it matters, because everyone in this household thinks the world of you, but he thrifted it, mainly because you’ve rubbed off on him and he thinks getting a pair of Levi’s for half price because someone doesn’t want them anymore is the best thing since sliced bread.” 

You tilt the hat on your head a little so you can see under the brim, as he hands you an envelope this time, “These are from me.” 

You open the envelope and pull out a postcard with a from New Orleans. You turn the card over, Joel’s handwriting scrawled on the back. 

“Pack a bag baby, and let me take you away.” 

“Are you for real?!” You exclaim, “You’re going to take me to New Orleans?!” 

“Course I am, darlin’ girl,” He grins, “I know you’ve always wanted to go, and we’ve never been away together.” 

“Are you even real?” You ask, wiping your tears away, because you’re overwhelmed, no-one has ever been so thoughtful. 

“Last time I checked I was,” He chuckles, taking the postcard from your hands, replacing it with the last gift, a small box, “Go on, last one.” 

You take it from his hand, tearing the paper off it to reveal a small box. You open it, and sat inside is a silver necklace, a silver hoop, entwined with a smaller hoop. You’d recognise this anywhere. You’d spotted it in the window of the jewellery shop downtown. You’d spend so long looking at it in the window before deciding you couldn’t afford it, yet here it is, in your hands. 

“Joel,” You breathe, running your fingers over the delicate silver, “This is too much.” 

He presses a single finger to your lips to shut you up, holding his hand out for the box, taking the necklace out as he pushes himself up onto the couch, putting the delicate chain across your neck, “Do you like it?” He asks from behind you, mouth right at your ear, breath hot on your skin.

You turn around, wrapping your arms around his neck, feeling your hat fall off your head as he returns the embrace, “I love it Joel,” You murmur into the skin of his neck, “I love you.”

“I love you too, darlin’ girl.” 

You spend the rest of the evening curled up on the couch together. You eat the slices of cake that Sandra had sent you home with, drink more beer, Joel even sits with his guitar outside, playing some of your favourite songs whilst you smoke a cigarette. When the sun has fully set and you’ve let out a particularly loud yawn, Joel closes up the house, takes hold of your hand, and takes you to bed. 

You’re led against the sheets, getting yourself comfortable, when Joel comes back from the bathroom, leaning against the door with his thumb resting on his belt. He’s lookin at you with those deep, coffee-coloured orbs as you turn onto your side, propping your head up on your palm to look at him. 

“How do you want it, baby?” He smirks, taking slow steps towards the bed. 

You take your bottom lip between your teeth, because that is a very good question. Do you want him to be soft and slow like he had been that first time? So concerned he was going to hurt you with his size and strength that he refused to go any harder or faster than was strictly necessary? Or the time he made love to you after you’d looked after Sarah when he had to work late. When he’d walked into his house and found you painting her nails for her, watching a film that he’d never had sat through, his heart bursting with so much love that he had to push it all into you, whispering promises into your ear as he did so. No, you think, that’s not what you want right now. 

“I want you to fuck me, cowboy,” You rasp, “Hard.” 

He’s stood at the foot of the bed now, eyes dark with lust, “Well, what the birthday girl wants,” He murmurs softly, wide, warm palm clasping around your ankle, “The birthday girl gets.” 

He tugs at your ankle, pulling you down the bed in one swoop, your legs dangling over the edge as his fingers work the button of your work trousers loose. You lift your hips up so he can drag them, and your underwear off your body, before he tugs you into a sitting position to work your blouse over your head. Your palms cup his face as you kiss him, your lips giving attention to his plush bottom lip as his hands reach behind you and work the clasp of your bra undone, dragging that off your body so you’re finally bared naked to him. 

He pulls back, trails his eyes over your naked body, before placing his hand on your chest, right between your breasts, pushing you back down onto the bed. He trails his hands down the expanse of your sides, coming to the meat of your thighs as he settles his face between them. Normally this is where he’d tease you, use that mouth to trail soft kisses up and down the inside of your thighs, stopping to nip at the soft skin every once in a while, but he surprises you tonight. 

Joel uses the flat of his tongue to lick a single stripe up the seam of your pussy. Then, he takes his hands, puts them on the backs of your thighs to push your legs back towards you, spreading them open further, baring the entirety of your spread, aching cunt to his face, before that tongue of his is diving into you, licking the slick that has been slowly gathering there from you, groaning at your taste. He drags his tongue up to your clit, using the tip of it to lightly flick at your clit, which has a quiet whimper leaving your lips as you tangle your fingers in his soft curls to keep his head anchored right where it is. 

You’ve never really known a man quite as enthusiastic about eating your pussy as Joel Miller. The way he groans into your cunt as he laps at you, the way his fingers dig bruises into your skin as he holds your legs open for him, it all adds to the way he has your teetering on the edge of your first orgasm of the night in minutes. You’re bucking your hips into his face, chasing that burst of pleasure you know is so close to you. 

You can hear the obscene sounds from him, the way he sucks your clit into his mouth, rolls his tongue over it before letting it go with a pop, or the way he literally slurps the slick from your entrance. It’s when he slips two of his fingers inside your slick cunt that you’re really done for – fingers stretching you open, a poor substitute for what’s to come, but it’s good none-the-less. 

All of a sudden, that fiery burst of pleasure is setting your skin alight. Your body is arching off the bed, pushing your cunt further into Joel’s face as he sucks your clit through your orgasm. You can feel yourself clenching around his fingers as you let out as high-pitched shriek of his name as your body wracks with pleasurable aftershocks. You lie there, warm and pliant as Joel stands once he’s worked you through your orgasm. He takes off his shirt, and you marvel at that body, the one you get to enjoy, broad and strong for his work, but soft around the middle, just like you love. He’s looking you directly in the eye as he undoes the button on his jeans, belt from earlier seemingly lost in the bathroom before. You’re smirking as he drags his jeans and boxers down his legs, stepping out of them, stood before you in all his God damn glory. 

He is, quite possibly, the most handsome man you’ve ever seen. Especially when he’s got his cock gripped in his fist, pumping himself as you spread your legs for him, pushing yourself up the bed so he can settle between your thighs. 

You can feel the throbbing length of him slipping between your soaked folds as he finds a position, he’s comfortable with. You’re the one that reaches down between you and lines his cock up with your aching core, but it’s all Joel when he thrusts himself inside you, right to the hilt, in one go. He’s leaning forward, head rested in the crook of your neck, your name hissed out into your ear as he adjusts to the tight clench of your cunt. Your nails are already digging into the meat of his biceps when he drags himself out of you, before slamming back in. 

He revels in the way his rough thrusts make your tits bounce, dipping his head to take one of your nipples into his mouth, gently nipping at the puckered bud with his teeth before soothing it with the pad of his tongue. He laves the same attention to the other, never once letting up the pace of his hips. 

“This what you wanted, darlin’ girl?” He chokes out, looking down at you writhing in pleasure beneath him. 

“More.” You gasp, hand reaching to grab at his wrist which is planted by the side of your head, propping him up. 

He puts most of his weight on his other hand, letting you drag his other palm to the delicate column of your throat, where the sheer size of his hand covers it in its entirety. He rests it there for a moment, continuing to pound his cock into your pussy, but then he’s adding pressure to the side of your throat, giving you that delicious dizzy feeling to your brain, before he’s releasing the pressure. You’re grinning up at him, moaning his name as his hips continue to slam into your own. 

“Like that, don’t ya?” He asks, “God you look so fuckin’ good with my hand around your throat, pretty girl.” 

“Always fuck me so good, Joel,” You cry out when he shifts his position slightly, cock brushing that sweet spot inside you, “Do it again.”

So he does, he squeezes his fingers around your throat again, your mouth dropping open as a crazed giggle leaves your mouth. You wish you could step outside your body right now and watch, watch what the two of you look like – his hand around your throat, the way he’s pounding into you so hard you’re sure you’ll be sore in the morning. 

You’re both breathing heavily as he trails the hand that was around your throat to grip at your jaw. He squishes your cheeks together, pursing your lips as his mouth claims your own, growling into you as his tongue licks at yours. He’s so fucking overwhelming right now, thick cock splitting you in two, strong body laid across your own, mouth on yours, and it’s still not enough. You want to peel his skin off and climb inside him, let him consume you whole. 

Joel pulls back, hand still on your jaw. 

“You my pretty girl, huh?” He asks, and you can only nod, his hand stopping you from talking, “Belong to me, right?” 

His hand goes back down to grip your throat, gently though, with no pressure, so you can talk to him now. 

“All yours Joel,” You purr at him, “Only ever gonna be yours.” 

“Open your mouth,” He demands, using his hand to gently shake you, so you do, “Stick your tongue out.” 

You do just that, staring straight into his eyes as he leans down, ever so slightly, and spits into your mouth. It’s warm, wet and utterly filthy, and you think it’s the entire reason that you can feel your slick dripping down onto his sheets now. Joel doesn’t even give you the time to swallow, chasing the saliva he’s just put into your mouth with his tongue, giving you the sloppiest kiss you’ve ever received. 

“Fuck,” He spits out, pulling back from your mouth, “Ain’t gonna last much longer, darlin’ girl,” He confesses, those rough thrusts slowing ever so slightly, “Put your hand on your clit for me, let’s do this one together.”

Your hand slinks between your bodies, seeking out that sensitive bud, still reeling from the orgasm he pulled from you, it doesn’t take much work from your fingers to have you teetering on the edge, but you want to do this together, you have to hold on for him. 

“Where d’ya want it?” Joel chokes out as your pussy flutters around him. 

“Inside,” Comes your begging plea to him, “Come inside me, Joel.” 

Your work your fingers across your clit a few more times before you’re coming around his cock, the nails of your free hand digging half-moon shapes into the meat of his shoulder. He manages three, maybe four more thrusts before he’s stilling inside of you, grunting out your name as the white-hot spurt of his spend fills your aching cunt. He fills you up so perfectly, holding himself there for a moment before he lets out a slightly pained sound, pulling himself out of your pussy. 

He sits back on his knees, watching the white trickle of him cum seep from your spent hole. He takes one of his fingers, scooping his cum on it before bringing it to your lips, where you suck it into your mouth, running your tongue over it to catch every bit of the taste of him. He falls forward, forehead pressed to your own, kissing your lips softly, before he moves to lie on his side of the bed. 

You push yourself up into a sitting position, leaning over to kiss him softly, mumbling that you’ll be back in a minute as you pad to the bathroom to clean up. When you come back to his room, he’s already under the covers, your side pushed back and waiting for you, so you clamber in, seeking out his torso under the covers so you can wrap your arm around him. He pulls you flush to his body, slick and warm from sweat, but you don’t care. 

His arm is draped across your shoulder, his fingers tracing slow and soft across your skin, as he presses a kiss to the crown of your head.

“Happy birthday, darlin’ girl.” He whispers to you as he turns out the light. 

“Best birthday ever,” You mumble softly against his chest as you let your heavy eyes closed, “All because of you, cowboy.” 

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[chaoticharrington]

Little Tease

Pairing: Mike Schmidt x afab!reader

WARNINGS: SMUT!!! MINORS THIS IS NOT FOR YOU DNI (AGELESS/BLANK BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED) , phone sex, bdsm themes, established relationship, toys, mentions of power dynamics, dirty talk, dumbification, humiliation, praise, holding kink (watersports), use of ice cubes, daddy kink,slight dacryphilia, pet names, naughty pictures, spit kink if you squint, and mutual masturbation, but also pervy dom Mike

Summary: Mike surprises you with a toy earlier in the week that he wants to try while he was at work, but you got tired of waiting for him and decide to tease him a bit to get what you want. But it is more than you bargained for.

Authors Note: tbh folks this one was a little out of my comfort zone but I had the idea and I hadn't read any other fics like this so I thought id try it. I hope you all enjoy, thank you for all the love on my previous works <3

Word Count: 3.7K

The giddy feeling in your chest begins to encompass your entire body after you hear Mike’s car door close. You had never done something like this before, and you were slightly nervous but mostly excited. Earlier that week Mike surprised you by coming home with a remote-control vibrator for you to wear. He expressed the want to try it out with you later this week while he was at work, you were shocked at first and then immediately replaced with a need for him. After going over the boundaries for your upcoming scene you fucked like rabbits while Abby was at school, surely making every elderly neighbor within walking distance clutch their pearls.

Before he left for work tonight, he helped you get the toy in place inside you, making sure to ask you if it felt okay, even trying the different vibration combinations to make sure it wasn’t hurting you in any way. Mike was also so careful with you; he may be a secret sex freak but above all else he cared about you. Even more importantly that you enjoy everything just as much as he does. The toy felt better than you expected, when he tested the vibration, it pulled a few moans from your mouth making you grind your hips into the air. Mike chuckled and helped you re-dress into one of his shirts and his favorite pair of your panties and gave you a deep kiss on your lips and left you standing half naked in the kitchen.

You shuffled on your heels back and forth for a few seconds able to feel how full you were with the toy inside of you, making you bite your lip already wishing Mike was ready to play. Luckily you didn’t have to hide how needy you were because Abby was already sound asleep in bed.

You tried to distract yourself for as long as you possibly could, you drank some water like Mike had ordered you to do after he left for work, he also asked you to send him a picture of the empty glass when you were done for confirmation which you happily obliged. You love when he takes control and tells you what he wanted from you. You liked feeling special like he cared enough to take care of you, and truthfully you liked being his good girl. Doing the things, he asked of you almost felt like he was carrying you or with you when you did them, it brought you so much joy to be so cared for. Mike is a pretty shy and quiet guy, but when it came to you, he could let go of all of his insecurities like it was the two of you against the world. It wasn’t all the time of course because life was hard as it is trying to keep food on the table and taking care of Abby, but when the two of you had time, this is how you both liked to let off steam. He liked being in control, taking care of you, and being your daddy and you liked being his and enjoyed being able to let go and be taken care of.

After sending the picture of the empty cup, you got a “good girl” text from Mike that made your insides warm. You smiled at your phone while you walked back into your shared bedroom and onto the bed. You debated on maybe reading one of your books for awhile while you wait for Mikes go ahead, but you couldn’t quite pull your brain away from how the toy felt inside you, stretching you ever so slightly, or how much you wanted Mike.

Your hands start to wander over your body wishing they were Mikes instead of yours, you liked how his calloused hands squeezed and pinched your skin just right. You grab handfuls of your tits clothed by Mikes shirt, awakening your nipples to form little tents on the fabric. You slowly lift up the fabric so the edge of your black lacey panties is now visible to you, you rub the very edge of the lace and roll your hips into it trying to create any friction inside you with the toy.

You moan in defeat, unable to get what you need, you come up with a plan, that in hindsight was a bad idea but you didn’t know at the time. All you knew was that you needed Mike more than you’ve ever needed anyone and more than you ever thought humanly possible. You turn over and grab your phone that was set on the bedside table, still open to Mikes previous message. You exit out and pull up your camera. You debated for a second on what picture would turn Mike on the most, but it was only for a second because you knew exactly how to drive him wild. You look at your phone through the camera making sure your makeup wasn’t smudged and then you lifted his shirt just enough to see your nipples peak out from the bottom of the fabric, you widen your camera angle by moving your phone farther away from your face. You look into the camera with your biggest doe eyes and stick out your tongue. You wait a second before sending the picture, waiting for your spit at the end of your tongue to drip at exactly the right time before pressing the shutter-release button on your camera taking the photo. You look back at the photo and grin, you can see just the perfect amount of your tits and the spit at the end of your tongue was mid dripping down onto your tits. You knew that he couldn’t resist that, he loved when you made a mess of yourself for him.

You send the message to him along with the caption “Hi daddy” and await his response. It doesn’t take long; you were expecting a text but he calls you. You look at your phone for a moment wondering if your eyes were deceiving you, you knew you were in for it, but you regained your composure quickly.

“Hi daddy, did you like my picture?” you chirp at him.

You’re met with a groan on the other end.

“You know I fucking did, but you were supposed to wait for me” you can hear shuffling in the background, probably Mike securing the abandoned pizzeria now in a hurry because of your mischief.

“Couldn’t wait… need you daddy” you whined.

Your composure going out the window, letting Mike know exactly how desperate you are.

“Already begging and we haven’t even started. Did that toy make you all needy for daddy sweetheart?” he cooed at you condescendingly.

“mhmm” you whimper in response.

He clicks his tongue disapprovingly.

“You’re a better girl than that baby, go get some ice cubes and put them in a bowl and bring them with you back into bed, okay? I’m gonna teach you a lesson on patience” he tutted.

You moan but obey, you pull your shirt back down and head to grab the ice cubes from the freezer. The ice cubes are cold on your fingers as you put them in a bowl as instructed. He waits for you on the line while you hurry back into bed and set the ice cubes on the bedside table.

“Do you have the ice cubes baby?” he asked.

“Yes daddy” you responded.

Finding yourself already slipping into sub space, being ordered around and being talked to like you were dumb made your brain go fuzzy. Being able to let your brain go and not worry about anything was something you needed, you let the fuzzy feeling take over allowing you to fully relax. Now only being able to think about the ache between your legs and the words coming out of your doms mouth.

“How many ice cubes did you grab kitten?” he says a little softer.

You look over to the bowl next to you and count. 1..2…3.

“I grabbed three ice cubes, is that enough?”

He chuckles lightly.

“Perfect baby, just perfect, you’re doing so good” he praises.

Your heart swoons at his praise, maybe he’ll let you off the hook for teasing him this time.

Boy were you wrong.

“Alright baby, take your shirt off for me so I can see your pretty titties” he orders.

Your face scrunches up in confusion at his words.

“You can’t see them though you’re not here?” you question.

“I know baby, but you’re going to send me another picture, since I didn’t get to see them fully in the first one, because you decided to be a little tease” he states.

You whimper at his words, now knowing that he wasn’t going to let you off easy, and you were definitely in for it.

“But before you do that baby, I need you to stick that pretty little tongue out again and let all that spit that you’re keeping from me dribble down onto those perfect tits of yours m’kay?” he professed

“o-okay” you mutter.

“What was that” he interjected.

“Yes daddy” you squeal.

“Much better, go on, do as you’re told..oh and while your at it put one of those ice cubes inside of your panties right on your clit f’me” he ordered.

“but-“ you shrieked

“Would you like to cum princess?” he said calmly.

“Y-yes” you sighed

“Then do as your told and I might let you cum” he said sternly and slightly impatiently.

You set the phone down and lifted his shirt up and off your chest leaving you almost completely naked except for the panties Mike had picked out for you. You grab one of the ice cubes out of the bowl and hold it between your fingers for a second trying to get used to the cold before putting it on your most sensitive area. Your fingers start to go slightly numb while holding the ice, you let out an anxious huff.

“It’s alright baby I got you, just reminding you who you belong to. It won’t hurt too bad I promise” he soothes. Mike seemed to always know what kept your mind anxious even in moments like these when you gave up complete control to him.

Feeling more reassured you move your panties to the side and place the ice cube onto your clit and put your panties back in place, so the coldness is right up against your very sensitive bud.

“HOLY FUCK” you screamed.

You can basically hear Mike smirking on the other end of the phone, loving every second of this.

“Daddy I-“you go to argue

“Unless you are going to use your safe word or are in pain you are going to do as your told and send daddy the picture okay pretty girl?” he counters.

You stick your tongue back out feeling utterly humiliated by this act, but loving it so much. You take a deep breath as you send him the picture, making sure it would be to his liking and pressing send.

“Fuck you look so pretty like that baby, all dumb and messy” he groans.

 You moan out loudly at his words, grinding into the ice cube a bit. It’s insanely cold but after a while it almost felt good. The pressure on your clit was nice, giving you a little bit of the friction you desire.  As the heat of your body melted the ice cube you could feel your panties getting more and more wet, and you couldn’t tell if that was the melting ice cube or your own arousal.

“How do you feel sweetheart, can you feel the ice cube melting on your pretty pussy? Are your panties getting all wet?” he asks

You mewl at his words, becoming lost in the sensation between your legs.

“Yes sir” you whimper.

“Awe there’s my good girl, you’re doing so well” he applauds.

You smile at his words before you come to a daunting realization… You have to pee. You then remembered that Mike had ordered you to drink a glass of water and send him proof that you had finished it. At the time you thought that he made you do that to help remind you to take care of yourself. You were always forgetting to drink water. But now, now you knew it was for this, to torture you even further.

You whimper trying to find the words to tell him that you need to go, but every time you go to open your mouth your face turns red and gets hot. Its embarrassing enough to have to pee during sex, let alone having to say it out loud knowing what your boyfriend’s response is going to be.

“Daddy… I think… I think...” you blush trying to find the words that are stuck in your throat.

“You think what baby? You don’t have to think right now kitten, tell daddy what’s going on in your  pretty little head” he acknowledged.

You here shuffling on the other end of the phone while you continue to debate whether you wanted to confess to your boyfriend just how badly you needed to pee. You hear the familiar squeaking of the old office chair that Mike has in the security office. Mike lets out a sigh on the other end of the phone finally seated after hastily sorting out his security duties before giving you his full attention.

“I have to pee!” you blurt out so fast that you hoped he didn’t catch it.

He lets out a not so quiet snort.

“Oh yeah baby? I bet that glass of water I made you drink didn’t help huh?” he mocked.

“nuh uh” you whimper

“Awe well that just too bad sweetness, you’re gonna have to hold it for me, okay?” he said patiently.

You hear even more scuffling on the other end of the phone and then you hear the very familiar sound of Mike unbuckling his pants and you clench around the toy inside of you. Then you hear the most beautiful thing you’ve heard all night, his moan. He moans so loudly and clearly into the phone like he had been needing this just as much as you did.

“Oh gods this is so hot baby, thank you for doing this with me… you’re so good for me.. s-such a good girl, so lucky to have you” he whimpers, losing his confident composure. You can hear his right arm working on his very hard cock.

Hypnotized by his little moans and the way his breath catches when he runs his fingers along the tip of his aching cock, you almost don’t hear the notification sound on your phone.

“Better check that baby might be something important” he pants.

Your fingers buzzing with excitement, you check your phone and it’s a message from Mike. You open and you can’t hold back the strings of moans that come out of your mouth. On your phone screen is a picture of Mikes beautifully hard cock with his large hand wrapped around the base. The tip of his cock is covered in precum, making you flood the rest of your panties that hadn’t already been soaked by your own juices and the ice cube that is now almost completely melted.

“Like what you see baby?” he breathes heavily.

You buck your hips up in the air still in search of friction until pleasure hits you like a freight train as vibration seeped throughout your whole body. He finally turned on the toy, a reward for doing everything that he had asked of you. It wasn’t on the highest setting but it was enough for you to see stars. How the toy was angled inside of you was hitting the exact right spots for you to mix your moans with his over the phone. You could already feel the coil inside of you tightening more and more the longer the toy pulsed pleasurably inside of you.

“Daddy can I cum… I-I’m so close” you wail

“Do you think you deserve to cum so quickly after teasing me the way you did?” he responded roughly.

“N-no I guess not” you cry, tears welling behind your eyes as the pleasure inside you continues to rise and rise like a white-hot fire being ignited inside of you that can’t be snuffed out.

The vibration inside you becomes more intense as he turns up the vibration even more. Your legs begin to shake, and you grip your phone hard trying to find some stability within the ocean of pleasure you were trying to find your way through.

“Can you do one more thing for me pretty girl?” he asks.

His words snap you out of your trance.

“Yes daddy?” you sob.

“Grab that special dildo I got you for Christmas and stick it to the headboard for me will ya?” he sighs.

Your body moved quicker than you even thought imaginable in that moment. You knew exactly which dildo he was talking about. Mike had given it to you in private after Abby had opened all of her presents, that you and Mike had spent ages saving up for, and went to her room to play. He sat you at the edge of your bed and handed you a messily wrapped package. You opened it and to your surprise it was a dildo… but a very familiar looking one at that. You took it out of the package and traced the vein that was just below the tip, and the mushroom shaped tip that you were all too familiar with. Mike had replicated his dick into a dildo for you. That night as your Christmas present Mike made you cum on that dildo for hours, seeing how many times he could bring you over the edge of bliss.

As your grabbing the dildo, all of those images come flooding to the surface making your cheeks flush red and your breath catch.

The dildo had a suction cup at the end of it, so it was easy to press into your wooden bed frame right in front of you.

You put the phone back up to your ear to let him know that you had done as he asked. You positioned yourself behind the dildo, assuming he was going to have you take out the toy so you could fuck the dildo.

“Fuck your face for me princess, make sure to spit all over it first to make sure it’s nice and wet so it fits all the way down that perfect throat of yours” he instructs.

You gather all the spit from your mouth and lubricate the very thick dildo, you always had a hard time taking Mike all the way down your throat because of how thick his cock was. You always ended up gasping for air and choking.

He turns up the toy, now on all the way, making your hips and legs buckle, pulling a wail out of your throat while you worked the dildo farther and farther down your windpipe. Finally, your nose is at the base of the dildo almost touching the headboard before your gag and push yourself off the dildo to cough and spit back onto the dildo.

“Fuuuuuck me, you sound so pretty when you’re choking on cock, wish I could be there in person to properly fuck your face but this will do for now until I get home” he groans

You clench around the toy and go back to fucking your face against the headboard. The tingling in your core growing stronger and stronger by the second, making your body feel like it’s filled with buzzing bees. Tears prick the edges of your eyes, the farther the dildo goes down your throat, making your vision go blurry.

“m getting close baby, can’t hold on much longer hearing you choke on my cock like that, sound so fuckin perfect” he babbles.

You moan in response, your mouth currently preoccupied. You were hoping he’ll let you cum this time, if he didn’t then you would actually cry. Your clit ached from the ice cube and begged to be touched, but your g spot was on fire, bringing you closer and closer to falling over the edge.

“Cum with me baby, gonna make a mess all over my hand at work because of you” he moans.

That was enough to push you over the edge. Your body tensed all over as you vision went white and you came with a scream muffled by the dildo down your throat.

On the other end of the phone you could hear a slew of profanities and moans coming from Mike that sounded like music to your ears.

You push yourself off the dildo leaving a string of spit from your lips to the dildo. Still breathing heavily, trying to catch your breath, your vision clears and the fire inside of your body dwindles. You feel the vibration in your core dissipate, and your legs give out, you land on your pillow completely exhausted.

“You did so well f’me baby, I’m s’proud of you” he praises. His breath is still heavily, clearly still getting over his own orgasm.

“Thank you daddy, d-did I make you feel good too?” you question quietly. You brain still foggy from cumming, it always took you a bit to get out of subspace.

“Oh of course baby, you made daddy feel so so good. Can you go clean yourself up and pee if you still need to and then get cuddled up in bed for me? I don’t want you to be awake when I get home, I love you so much. You did amazing pumpkin” he soothes.

Tears begin to well in your eyes at his kind words, but you sniffle and pull yourself together and do as you’re told. You cuddle back up into your blankets, picking the phone back up and pressing it to your ear.

“Okay all set daddy” you coo.

“Great job pretty girl I-“he hesitates.

You can hear him lean in his chair, assumingly towards the security cameras, looking intensely at something.

“Oh shit, OH FUCK, baby I gotta go I’ll see you later okay?” he says hurriedly before hanging up the phone. You’re a little stunned by the way the phone call ended, and feeling guilty that you distracted him when he was doing his preliminary rounds to secure Freddy’s.

But before you could worry about Mike any further, your eyes started to drop, getting heavier and heavier by the second. Your last thought before floating off to dreamland was hoping that everything at Freddys was fine and that Mike was okay.

#mike schmidt smut #mike schmidt x reader #fnaf movie #fnaf smut #mike schmidt fnaf #mike schmidt #mike schmidt fic #josh hutcherson fnaf #josh hutcherson #chaoticharrington fics

[so-so-woso]

i wanna be the one | part 3

Summary: Your first season at Arsenal as told by the highlights of your relationship with Leah Williamson. I don’t know how to write summaries, but this one is mostly angst tbh.

Disclaimer: Artistic liberties were taken in regards to Leah’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions as described in the fourth section. I am not/was not trying to extrapolate any of her actual thoughts, feelings, or opinions about anything mentioned in that section.

Word Count: 3,668

The next couple of months went by pretty quickly, all things considered. There were ups, there were downs, you got your first minutes against Brighton that was a bit of both. It was exciting and you were glad you finally got to play, but you let in a second-half goal that tied the match. A draw was a draw, and not a loss, and it was just one goal, and no one else seemed particularly upset with you specifically, but you certainly were. You imagined it was obvious that goalkeepers don’t like giving up goals, but logically you knew they would happen. It just sucked that you felt like you let the team down in your first real chance to play. After the game, you had gone home and immediately threw up, then lay on your living room floor for a couple hours before going to bed at 7 pm. You had always been someone who took things hard, even as a kid, but this one seemed to hit a little bit harder, presumably because you had already been feeling like you didn’t deserve to be here. But then again, you had pretty much always felt like that too, even as a kid. The worse part, probably, was that it also always made you feel stupid – because on the good days, you felt like you knew the truth, how everyone else saw it, how it was. But on the bad days, you couldn’t see anything but how horrible you were at everything you tried to do. That day was a bad day. Luckily, the next few were pretty good.

Before you knew it, it was March, and you were at Leah’s house celebrating her birthday with the team. You had all gone out to dinner, and then back to hers for cake and drinks. You weren’t really sure if presents were part of the deal, so you had made sure to wear a jacket with a big enough pocket to keep yours in, in case they weren’t part of the deal. You supposed you could’ve asked someone, but you were pretty sure some of the others were starting to pick up on the fact that your flirting with Leah wasn’t entirely a joke. Beth and McCabe had both straight out asked you about it once, and both had also quietly informed you that she didn’t date teammates. Katie had actually said that she didn’t date teammates anymore, but wouldn’t say anything else about it and you didn’t want to press, despite being curious. But none of that seemed to dissuade Leah from letting you flirt with her, or flirting with you back. It was still really confusing, but if it was all she would give you, then you would take it. You would also realize of course that this wasn’t entirely healthy, but there were worse vices to have.

So there you were, sitting crowded on a couch in Leah’s living room with your teammates, laughing at Kim and Beth sing karaoke – or try to sing karaoke anyway. You felt like you could say that since you had already embarrassed yourself twice doing the same thing. You had retired from your karaoke career and squeezed onto the couch next to Viv to enjoy the rest of the evening. It was honestly a really good time, and probably one you preferred to the nights you would all go out somewhere. They were fun in a different way, you supposed, but they did usually always end up just reminding you that you really were an introvert no matter how much you would pretend otherwise.

You had caught Leah’s eye a few times throughout the evening, but hadn’t managed to really get in a conversation with her yet, so you ended up spacing out on the couch trying to think of excuses you could make to get her alone. Everything you ended up thinking of would definitely be more obvious than you wanted, though, so ultimately you just stayed awkwardly on the couch for a couple more hours. Eventually people started filtering out, and as much as you wanted to linger, you knew that not only would that be obvious, but with the way Beth was going, she was going to be here for quite a while longer, or until Viv managed to drag her out.

You decided to say your goodbyes and throw one last quip at Katie over your shoulder, who threw a pillow back at you. You laughed and bent down to pick it up and throw it back, but Leah beat you to the punch.

“Don’t throw shit in my house, McCabe,” she called as she tossed it back across the room. Looking up at you then, she said quietly, “I’ll walk you out,” and you felt her hand on the back of your arm as she led you towards the door.

You became uniquely aware of both the soft pressure of her hand and the hard shape of the gift hidden in your pocket pressing against your stomach. You had somehow managed to ignore it all night, but now with her touching you, even as innocently as she had, it was like your senses had shot through the roof. You felt your nerves just begin to buzz as you reached the door and she pulled her hand away, which almost made you more nervous somehow.

“Thanks for coming,” she said, the consummate host.

You smiled and nodded, and said of course, your hand snaking into your pocket to retrieve the gift you’d stored there. You had apparently hesitated long enough that she knew you had something else to say. She looked at you expectantly and you felt that familiar surge of anxiety twist deep in your gut. Suddenly, all of this felt really, really stupid, and you could feel the burning start across your cheeks. You knew Leah could see it, too, from the look of slow growing concern on her face. You mumbled something incoherent and shook your head, pulling your hand from your pocket – empty – and reaching instead for the door. You opened it too quickly and too forcefully, and Leah was still looking at you like she wanted to ask what was wrong, but wasn’t sure if she should, and having her eyes on you made it all so much worse.

You took one step outside and hesitated – a small step for man and a giant leap for cowardice, it felt. You suddenly hated yourself again. Everything was always so easy when it didn’t mean anything, but the second something mattered all you could ever think about was how badly you would fuck it up. But you’ve made it this far into the evening, it would be stupider to just leave, right?...right?

You spun on your heel, and Leah was leaning against the doorframe staring at you. You hated it when she stared at you, almost as much as you loved it. You swallowed hard, and shoved your hand back in your pocket, this time quickly removing the red-wrapped rectangle before your brain had time to consider otherwise.

“Here,” you said. How polite.

You sighed and rolled your eyes at yourself.

“S-sorry, I—I didn’t know what you would want, so I just…it’s my favorite book. You don’t have to—it’s stupid, you don’t have to read it,” you rambled, and she let you, before she reached out to take it from you and held it against her chest as you watched you.

“Thank you,” was all she said. You sighed again and turned away, but your feet wouldn’t move away and your mind wouldn’t either, so you turned back to her.

“It meant a lot to me, when I was kid, after my parents…and, um, then I read it again as an adult and it’s like…it meant more, I guess.”

“…I don’t think that’s stupid.”

You could only hum in response, eyes dropping again for a long moment as you returned to choking down the embarrassment that had started swelling back up in your throat. Then finally, graciously, a firmness settled in your spine and you met her gaze again. God, you really liked looking at her.

“Happy birthday, Williamson.”

A beautiful grin spread across her face in response.

“There she is,” she said, and you knew exactly what she meant. Fear and Doubt and Bad Days made you someone else, and you knew you would have to explain it to her and the rest of the team at some point. Tonight had probably sped up that process quite a bit, but you didn’t think you can handle it right now, and you knew she wouldn’t make you. But she had smiled at you, and that made you smile back, and you felt Good again.

“Good night.”

“…good night, Y/N.”

Yeah, you thought, maybe it was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leah tore her ACL in April. That sucked, for a multitude of reasons – mostly for her, obviously, but it still made you feel sick too. You, and pretty much everyone else remotely invested in English football, hated that she’d miss the World Cup. This was supposed to be England’s year, and it could still be, but it wouldn’t be the same without Leah. It wasn’t really comparable, but you’d broken your collarbone once in college and missed most of the season, and you knew how badly that made you feel, even when the team did well without you. Especially when they did well without you. You knew she’d pretend it was okay because things like this happen, but you also knew she probably wasn’t really okay.

You had called her the evening it happened and left a voicemail: “Hey, it’s Y/N. Um, I know you’ve probably got like a thousand people trying to talk to you, so no worries but I just…I don’t know, I just…I wanted you to know I was thinking about you, and if you needed anything or wanted anything or literally anything, just, um…just let me know. Okay, um, bye.” Super smooth. When you woke up the next morning, you saw that she had texted you back ‘thanks’ at some point during the night. You would be lying if you said you weren’t a little disappointed that was all she had said, but you knew she would probably have a rough time for a while and that she had plenty of people supporting her, so like with everything else, you would take whatever she’d let you have.

The next few weeks saw you surviving on similar crumbs. You had gone to see her a few times with the team, and you’d text back and forth occasionally, but you really wished you could just go talk to her by yourself. You knew, of course, you didn’t really have a good reason to, though. You were friends, you guessed, and that was probably reason enough, but you wanted to see her and help her and take care of her, and that wasn’t your place however badly you wanted it to be. So, like everything else, you sucked it up and swallowed it down and did everything you could to pretend it didn’t bother you.

And then after her surgery she texted you again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

leah: i read your book

leah: it was good

leah: it made me cry

y/n: that wasn’t the intention

leah: no but in a good way

leah: i get why you like it

leah: it reminded me a lot of you

y/n: in a good way?

leah: yeah mostly

y/n: mostly?

leah: yeah

leah: it was sweet and funny

leah: but also sad

y/n: you think i’m sad?

leah: i think you are sometimes

leah: sorry

leah: was that too much?

y/n: no you’re right

y/n: it’s just a whole thing

leah: do you want to talk about it?

y/n: yeah

y/n: but not like this

leah: do you want to come over?

y/n: like right now?

leah: whenever

y/n: okay

y/n: is monday okay?

leah: yeah if that’s what you want

y/n: yeah

y/n: okay

y/n: cool

y/n: i can bring dinner

y/n: i know you can’t cook on your best days

leah: fuck off

leah: but yeah bring dinner

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was the first time the two of you had really hung out totally alone, which you thought you had wanted but now that you’re actually here, sitting in Leah’s kitchen, you felt kind of stupid again. You poked around at the food you had brought, taking small slow bites here and there, while the two of you talked. It was, honestly, pretty awkward. You started with small talk, then talked about Leah’s injury and her surgery and her rehab, and the upcoming end of Arsenal’s season, the upcoming World Cup, pretty much everything but what you probably should’ve talked about. Eventually you finished dinner, and Leah offered another glass of wine and suggested you move to the living room. At that your throat dried up faster than the conversation had. You hesitated for a moment, but after about two seconds of watching her hobble around you took to your feet and began clearing the table. She told you not to, but that didn’t stop you, and she didn’t try any harder to stop you either. She lingered for awhile, though, in the kitchen, watching you, before moving over to the living room herself and settling on the couch. You brought the glasses and the wine, and made a point to sit on the opposite side of the sofa.

The silence continued for a few more moments before Leah finally broke it.

“So…did you want to talk?”

“Right, I tell you my trauma, you tell me yours?”

 “I don’t think I have any trauma.”

“…are you sure?”

“…no.”

Her reply was quiet and she shifted in her seat as she took a long drink from her glass. You did the same, and let the silence settle again. This time it did so softly, and despite the fact that the conversation was about to turn more serious, you were lacking your earlier awkwardness. Maybe it was the wine, or maybe it was just the time spent, but this for some reason felt more comfortable – the two of you sitting in the dim light of Leah’s living room, speaking with quiet words and loud stares. You basked in the silence for several moments, both of you musing over your own aforementioned traumas-or-perceived-lack-thereof, while you let the little bit of alcohol you’d consumed solidify your spine. Eventually, you drew in a depth breath and began.

“So, the beginning, then?”

And you talked. About your childhood, your parents, and the car accident. About moving to Texas, your grandmother, and how much she tried for you. About how sick and sad and unhappy you had felt all the time. About how playing football was one of the only times you felt okay. About playing in college, and how you got drafted to Seattle, and about how you came to Arsenal, and how much you loved it. About how good and fortunate and lucky you knew you were to be able to play professional football. About how you still felt sick and sad and unhappy all the time. About how it always lingered, no matter what you did or where you were. About how stupid it made you feel, to both know your worth and think you’re worthless. About how no one really knew any of that, because you had gotten really good at lying.

You cried a little bit. So did she. And then she talked. About how she didn’t date teammates, and about how much the last time had hurt. About how she wasn’t the one who had ended it, but she was the one who had made it bad, and about how she’d never admitted as much out loud before. About the constant pressure she was under, and how she tried so hard to use it instead of being crushed but sometimes it felt too heavy to lift. About how much she loved football, and how much she hated the attention she was getting because of it. About how much she really did try to use that attention to refocus on more important things, and how exhausting it could all get. About how devastated she was to miss the World Cup, and how some small part of her was glad for the excuse. About how no one really knew any of that, because she had gotten really good at lying.

And there you sat, two liars being honest with each other. It wasn’t long before the silence wrapped warmly around you again, this time both of you content to linger in it as long as you could – but if you were being honest, you guessed there was something else you should probably add.

“…do you want to know another secret?” you said quietly, unable to keep the corner of your lip from twitching though able to bite back the smile. She huffed a breathless laugh, and gave a small yeah as she wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of her shirt.

“It’s my birthday.”

Her face fell suddenly, confused, and her brow furrowed – which funnily enough you realized just then was a look that you had sorely missed.

“What? When?”

“Now. Today.”

“Today's your birthday?”

You didn’t bother fighting the small smile that pulled at your face then, and you nodded. Leah twisted around then, quicker than you’d seen her move all evening, and with her good leg kicked you in the calf, twice.

“What the fuck – why the fuck didn’t you say something!?”

“I don’t know, I don’t really – I don’t really celebrate stuff,” you said, pulling your leg away and feigning a few slaps towards her foot. “I just – I wanted to hang out with you.”

She huffed then, crossing her arms across her chest, visibly annoyed that you kept this secret for last. You sighed and pulled your legs further away, then decided to retreat entirely, standing up to gather both your glasses and the wine bottle.

“…is that why you picked today? To come see me?”

Her voice was softer, more akin to your earlier conversation and absent any tone of irritation. You turned to look down at her, and saw that her face was absent irritation as well, the brow-furrow gone and the look in her eyes asking all the questions her mouth wouldn’t.

You straightened up, the quiet confirmation leaving your lips before you even thought the word yes. You hesitated as you heard yourself, then turned and continued into the kitchen. You heard the couch shifting behind you and by the time you had finished cleaning up she had joined you, leaning against the kitchen table.

“You like me,” she said, lilting, and it was your turn to huff then.

“Yeah, I thought that was pretty obvious.”

“Yeah, but…you like me.”

You rolled your eyes at her slow tone shift, having now morphed pretty fully into teasing. You dropped the kitchen towel you’d been absently folding on to the countertop and took a single step towards her, closing the gap between you save for a few inches.

“Yeah, I do. Should I be more obvious?” you mocked back.

“I don’t think you could be more obvious. Neon sign, maybe.”

“I could get one, I know a guy.”

“You know a neon sign guy?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve been in London for like four months and you have a neon sign guy?”

“Maybe I have a lot of neon needs.”

“What does that even mean?”

“I have no idea, I don’t even know.”

You were practically talking on top of each other, and you only realized you were also practically standing on top of each other when you felt Leah’s knuckles brush against your stomach. You cut yourself off and looked down at her hand, clutching the front of your shirt. When had she grabbed you? You didn’t know, and looking back up at her face, she didn’t know either, but you were both suddenly very aware of it. Her hand fell free and she took a step back, as did you, turning back to the counter and again absently reaching out to straighten the towel you’d dropped moments before.

“I should go,” you said, turning then towards the door instead of her. “Practice in the morning—”

“—yeah, of course,” she interjected, moving to meet you at the door. You both reached it at about the same time, and both tried to pull it open. You backed off, then she did, and then you did again, this time with a gesture for her to move in. She did, and the door opened, and you stepped outside with an apology.

“Sorry,” you said, finally turning back around and looking at her, chewing on the inside of her own cheek as she leaned against the door.

“No, it’s – um, I had a nice time.”

“Yeah!” you returned, a hair too excitedly. “Uh, yeah, it was…it was really nice to see you. Like away from everybody else. Not that everybody else isn’t cool, too, it’s just…yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah,” you repeated. She laughed softly at that, and so did you, and you both mumbled quiet good nights but neither of you moved. You just stood there on her doorstep with your hands in your pockets, and she stood leaning against the door, biting her own lip. And then suddenly something in the moment bent around you. It didn’t quite break, it just urged you slightly forward, where you pressed your lips against her cheekbone.

When you moved to pull away she turned her head and there were her lips, a mere inch from yours. You both froze, still as stone, daring the other to move. But for however long you stood there, she didn’t, and you didn’t either, and then you turned and walked away. Whatever had its hooks in you couldn’t quite break just yet.

But you could wait, you thought again. You would wait.

#woso #woso fanfics #woso x reader #leah williamson #leah williamson x reader #arsenal wfc #arsenal women #arsenal x reader

[itsmealaiah]

Hii!! Idk if u have done a enemies to lovers smut with bill? If u did then u don’t have to do this request! But just to say ur writings r so good 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

aw thank you 😊 ❤️ of course

You're mine, pretty girl (2008 Bill x Fem Reader)

Summary: After a terrible concert for the band, Bill blames you entirely, taking his anger out on you in the best way he could.

Tags/ warnings: dom! Bill, corruption, degrading, claiming, hardcore smut, begging, fingering.

MDNI (prob my most r rated one tbh)

My heart skipped a beat as I heard Bill's voice echo through the empty arena. I knew he was pissed, and I knew I was in trouble. I swallowed hard, my throat feeling like sandpaper as I tried to make sense of what was happening. It had been a rough concert, with our band arguing onstage and off. But I never thought Bill would take it out on me like this.

He stormed into the dressing room, slamming the door behind him and immediately locking it. My stomach flipped as I watched him pace the floor, his shoulders tense and his fists clenched. "You," he growled, pointing a shaky finger in my direction. "You're the reason everything went to shit tonight."

I gulped, feeling a chill run down my spine. Bill and I had never been close, even though we were in the same band. He was the lead singer, and I played the keyboard. But lately, our relationship had been strained, to say the least. We hadn't been getting along, and tonight's show had only made things worse.

"You think you can just walk all over me?" he demanded, stalking closer. His brown eyes blazed with anger, and I could feel the heat radiating off his body.

I swallowed hard, forcing myself to meet his gaze. "Bill, I-"

But before I could finish my sentence, he grabbed me roughly by the shoulders and threw me onto the couch. "You're going to pay for what you've done," he snarled, straddling my body. "And I'm going to make sure you never forget it."

His weight pressed down on me, his breath hot and ragged against my ear. "You're going to beg for my cum, you hear me?" He squeezed my breasts roughly through my top, and I winced in pain. "And you're going to beg for it hard, you little bitch."

His hands slid down to my hips, tugging my skirt up around my waist. I could feel the cool air on my bare skin as he yanked my underwear down as well, leaving me completely exposed to him. "And then," he growled, "I'm going to fuck you until you can't walk straight."

With that, he lowered his head, capturing one of my nipples between his teeth. I cried out, arching my back involuntarily, as he suckled hard. His other hand found its way between my legs, roughly parting my folds and finding my aching clit. He circled it with his fingers, teasing me mercilessly. "You're so wet for me," he purred, his voice low and dangerous. "Just like I knew you would be."

I couldn't believe what was happening. Bill had always been possessive, but this was on a whole new level. And as much as I hated to admit it, I was starting to feel the familiar tug of arousal between my legs. His rough touch, his demanding words, they were turning me on in a way I could never have imagined.

"That's it," he groaned, picking up the pace on my clit. "You like this, don't you? You like knowing that you belong to me." His free hand slid up my thigh, parting my folds further and positioning his thick, hard length at my entrance. "And now," he growled, "you're going to feel how much you belong to me."

With a force that took my breath away, he thrust into me. I cried out, arching my back off the couch as he buried himself to the hilt, claiming me completely. His thrusts were powerful and unyielding, driving into me over and over, making it impossible to catch my breath.

His hands held me down, his body pinning me to the couch as he took what he wanted, claiming his dominance. And despite myself, despite everything that had happened, I couldn't help but feel the pleasure building inside me, spiraling out of control. "Yes," I gasped, my voice barely audible above the pounding of my heart. "Yes, Bill, I'm yours."

His thrusts grew more frenzied, his breath hot against my ear. "That's it," he growled. "That's my good girl." His hand slipped between us, finding my clit once more, and began to circle it expertly. I arched my back off the couch, crying out as the sensation overtook me, sending waves of pleasure coursing through my veins.

"You like that?" he asked, his voice rough with desire. "You like how I make you feel?" His thrusts became deeper, harder, each one driving him deeper inside me, making me feel completely and utterly claimed. I couldn't think straight, couldn't form coherent thoughts as my body surrendered to the sensation, to the raw power that radiated off him in waves.

With one hand, he gripped my hip, holding me still as he pumped into me, his thrusts steady and sure. With the other, he trailed his fingers down my stomach, teasing the sensitive skin beneath my navel. "You belong to me," he growled, his lips brushing against my ear. "You always have."

The feeling of being so completely owned, so utterly claimed, was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. It was exhilarating and terrifying all at once, and as he continued to take me with brutal precision, I couldn't help but wonder if this was what it meant to truly surrender.

Bill's grip on my hip tightened, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he pounded into me, his body moving in perfect rhythm with mine. I could feel the tension building inside him, feel the way his muscles bunched and flexed as he fought to maintain control. His other hand found its way up my body, cupping my breast, pinching my nipple roughly between his fingers.

"That's it," he growled, his voice low and menacing. "That's how much you belong to me."

The words sent a shiver down my spine, a mixture of fear and arousal that I couldn't begin to understand. But as he continued to claim me, his rough hands and demanding words fueling my desire, I felt myself losing control.

He pulled me onto his lap, my legs straddling his hips as he gripped my waist, holding me close. His other hand found its way between us, teasing my swollen folds as he pushed two fingers inside me. I arched my back, moaning at the sensation of being so filled, so possessed.

His free hand held my head back, his grip firm but not painful as he looked down at me. "You know what you've done, don't you?" he growled. "You've made me want you. You've made me want this. And now there's no going back." His thumb brushed across my lower lip, tracing the outline of my mouth. "You're mine, and I'm never letting you go."

A/n: holy crap. I did that. YAY!! thank you for the request love ✨ 😘

#bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz x reader #bill kaulitz fanfic #bill kaulitz smut #bill kaulitz x reader smut #bill kaulitz x you #he's so hot #itsmealaiah #bill

[happyhauntt]

keep my hand in yours — nikolai lantsov

series masterlist | writing masterlist | askbox

─── summary: nikolai sees anya all dressed up for the first time since they were children. he doesn't handle it well.

─── pairing: nikolai lantsov & anya kamenev (original character.)

─── warnings: fluff fluff fluff, references to other oneshots in this series but can be read as standalone, fluff, pre-established relationship, i've made anyalai suffer enough and i needed to throw them a bone with a fluffy adorable oneshot so here we are. title from 'everywhere everything' by noah kahan (aka anyalai anthem tbh)

─── word count: 2.4k.

     As a child, they teach you that staring at the sun for too long will make you go blind. Nikolai always was a reckless child, and Anya has certainly been the centre of his universe for so long now, he can hardly remember a time when she wasn't.

     Nikolai knows he is in love with Anya Kamenev. He knows it like he knows blood is red, like he knows the feeling of a rifle in his hands and the salty sea wind on his face. He knows it like he knows his heart must still be beating, because if it had stopped, he would be dead.

     And yet now, as she emerges from the dressing room, he fears that everything he'd been so sure of is false. Blood is green and the sky is pink and his heart must have stopped beating entirely, at least for a moment, this moment. He wonders if this is heaven. He wonders if this is a dream, if he died on the battlefield. He wonders how he ever got this lucky.

     "You're staring, Nik." Anya's voice is flat, eerily calm, even as she smooths her hands down the front of her dress, nervously seeking nonexistent creases. Her shoulders are squared, chin held high as she meets his eyes. She's already wearing her confidence like armour. A soldier preparing for battle. This night will be spent fending off thinly-veiled barbs and passive-aggressive insults from Ravka's elite. Everyone who thinks she isn't good enough to be queen. Everyone who thinks this is a mistake.

     Anya's knee gives an indignant twinge. She already knows that the heels she picked out will be giving her grief this evening, but she'd insisted on them. She didn't want to be seen as weak. Anya has been smiling through the pain for years now, and an evening spent dancing and mingling in heels won't make her old injury any worse.

     She hopes.

     It takes him a moment to find his words. “How can I possibly look away?” He manages a raspy, strangled murmur as his eyes trail over her figure. Any further capacity for speech fails him completely. How can he possibly form a coherent thought when she looks like that? Watching him with narrowed eyes, and that defiant tilt of her chin, and the way the neckline of her dress is high and modest, allowing him the tiniest glimpse of her collarbone.

     His mouth goes dry. He feels like a parched man, condemned to wander the desert for eternity, only to stumble upon a lush green oasis. He is utterly ruined by her, and Saints, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

     Anya huffs, casting her eyes to the ceiling before she trudges over to the floor-length mirror, surveying her own reflection with a critical eye. She's always been pretty, that was never the issue: peaches-and-cream complexion, rosy cheeks and wavy blonde hair, she was lauded for her looks even as a little girl. That one will be a beauty, they’d whisper to her mother, who’d respond with a demure smile to mask the frightened glint in her eye.

     There are scars, now, littered over her skin. Little white slashes over her collarbone, her arms, almost silvery in the candlelight. The dress Genya chose for her is emerald green satin with the hem trailing on the floor. The Lantsov emerald rests on her ring finger, while diamonds glisten at her throat and a small kokoshnik tiara rests in her hair.

     She still feels pretty. That was never the problem. But her eyes are weathered now, older and wiser and yet, somehow, altogether more foolish for agreeing to this. She still looks like a soldier. She still feels like— well. She doesn't know anymore. Maybe that's the point.

     Nikolai wrests himself from his stupor and joins her at the mirror. He stands behind her, rests his hands on either side of her waist. He's taller than her, even with the heels on, and he leans down so his mouth hovers near her ear.

     "It turns out that I'm marrying a Saint after all." His breath is warm and so are his hands. She can feel the heat of them through her bodice.

     Anya clicks her tongue, feigning irritation. When her gaze meets his in the mirror, his lips tug into a playful grin.

     "You are an insufferable flirt," she says, but she leans back against him all the same, allowing herself to sink into his embrace for a few moments.

     Nikolai's grip on her waist tightens. He drops featherlight kisses behind her ear and down her neck. "And yet you agreed to marry this insufferable flirt."

     "This is only the engagement party," she reminds him. "There's still time to change my mind."

     "And would you?"

     He thinks of that a lot. The idea of losing her sends a bolt of fear through him. He'd sooner face a thousand bloodthirsty pirates with nothing but his bare hands. He'd meet the Darkling in the Fold and spend the rest of his days living as that winged monster again, and it would scare him less than losing her.

     It took a long time for her to agree to marry him. He's been proposing, in some form or another, since they were seventeen years old. When she kissed him for the first time in a medik's tent, when he left for his apprenticeship and promised he'd come back for her, when they'd lain together in his cabin aboard the Volkvolny for the hundredth time and he'd known there would never be peace in his soul if she wasn't his.

     But she hadn't been his. Not really.

     He would risk it all for the country that abandoned her, and for a long time, that had been a crack between the two of them that could not be repaired. Like the Shadow Fold splitting his ravaged country in two, they had been at odds, stuck on separate sides of a great divide. He would always be a prince. He would always love Ravka.

     She would always love him, but Ravka had lost her loyalty when she rotted in that cell.

     Things are different now. He is the King, the Fold is gone, and there is hope, finally, for some real change in their country. Anya might have been betrayed by Ravka, but she loved him. She loved him. And under Nikolai's rule, things would change. Things would heal.

     Anya could heal, too.

     When she finally agreed to marry him, he'd wept. He’d held his breath for days and waited for the penny to drop, for another inexplicable thing to keep them apart. One of them was always leaving. And to rule over a country she'd once despised, where the nobility hated her...

     He wouldn't blame her for running. He just wishes he'd be able to run with her.

     His gaze is wide open, searching. Her own features soften as she looks at him, and she shakes her head slowly.

     "No," she says. "I wouldn't."

     He tilts her chin up and kisses her like he’s drowning, like she is the first breath of air he's ever had. His grip on her waist tightens as she sways a little, and a golden warmth slips through her strong enough to make her knees feel weak.

     When she pulls herself away from him, he tries to follow her. A frustrated groan sounds low in his throat.

     "Careful," Anya says with a teasing smile. "If you ruin my hair, Genya really might kill you."

     She turns back to the mirror, inspecting her appearance once more before reaching up to straighten her kokoshnik. Nikolai holds her tightly from behind, both arms tangled around her middle, chest flush against her back. His chin rests lightly on her shoulder.

     A tremor ripples through her and he knows, without knowing, that her knee is bothering her. He shifts himself to take more of her weight, just for a moment, and her grateful sigh is like a balm on every wound he’s ever had.

     His moss-and-honey eyes lock with hers in the mirror once again. An adoring smile tugs at his mouth. "You wouldn't protect me?"

     Anya laughs. "I sat for hours as she tortured me until I looked perfect. I'd help her."

     "My vicious girl." He says it like a prayer. A moment of silence passes before a crease forms between his brows. "Do you remember that last birthday of yours, before we enlisted?"

     Anya hums distractedly, fiddling with her sleeves. "My sixteenth, yes. My parents threw a massive ball and invited— well, more people than I've ever met in my life. They were hoping to secure a match for me, I think. Or at least start sniffing out potential suitors. Why?"

     "I think I fell in love with you that night."

     Anya raises an eyebrow at him. "No, you didn't."

     Nikolai presses a kiss to her shoulder, just above one of those tiny silver scars. They'd barely known each other, then; childhood acquaintances turned into almost-strangers. Her parents had kept her sequestered to their estate as she grew older, to hide that she was Grisha. By her sixteenth birthday, he'd seen her perhaps three times in as many years, and whatever friendship they'd been able to muster up as youngsters had died.

     But he remembers that night. Almost like it was yesterday, the memory of it dances through his mind with startling clarity. "You entered the ballroom, and you must have been nervous but you couldn't tell. You held yourself with all the grace and dignity of a queen, even then."

     "A decade of governesses bullying manners into me might've had something to do with that," Anya grumbles.

     "Hush," Nikolai says with a huff of laughter. "I don't think I'd ever seen anyone so beautiful. All that time growing up at court, all those noble ladies in their pretty dresses and furs, but I'd never felt this way before. It was like watching a sunrise for the first time."

     Anya sniffs. "Nikolai." Her voice is a stern, if slightly wobbly, warning. "If you make me cry before we even make it out of this room, I will make sure Tamar tells her most embarrassing story about you as a toast."

     "And it would be completely worth it, Nastya." His smile grows ever wider. "And then I had to watch you have the first dance with Vasily. I'd never been so jealous in my life."

     His older brother might have been a swine, but Nikolai cannot help the odd fondness he has for Vasily's memory. Had he lived, Nikolai isn't sure whether that affection would still exist, but there is little point in despising a ghost. There's not much more damage they can do.

     Even so, the memory of his lecherous hand lingering a little too low on Anya's hip makes him feel like a viper has curled up in his belly.

     Anya gives up on fiddling with her appearance and sighs, leaning her head back to rest against Nikolai's chest. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat is a comfort. "My parents insisted. He was the Crown Prince, I could hardly refuse!" Anya shudders a little as she recalls his touch, the way he'd leaned in close and whispered compliments in her ear that had left her feeling slimy.

     "It was torture. Pure torture." With a gentle push, he spins her in his arms until they're nose-to-nose. Anya's hands curl around his neck. Her fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck. "I didn't know, then, what it meant. I was so alarmed by those feelings. I didn't understand what you would mean to me. But I fell in love with you that night. I'm sure of it now. One look at you and I was doomed forever."

     "Oh, how charming!" Even as she teases him, Anya's heart does somersaults in her chest. "You did dance with me that night, you know. You stepped on the hem of my dress."

     "I was so worried you could hear my heartbeat."

     "You couldn't tell. You were your usual charming self, all suave and unbearable, flirting with all the girls." Anya smiles, all soft at the edges.

     "What can I say? I was a foolish boy," he says.

     Anya laughs. "Was?"

     Nikolai growls low in his throat and picks her up by the waist, spinning her in a slow circle. "Alright, alright," he murmurs. "But I like to think I learned my lesson in the end."

     She runs her finger along his jawline and says softly, "And I learned mine."

     They might have stayed there forever, bodies pressed tight together, his gaze so intent and earnest that the world around Anya falls away. The warmth of him swallows her whole, and she thinks she wouldn't mind a forever just like this. Just the two of them, and a quiet room, and his heartbeat thudding beneath her palm.

     An insistent knock on the door drags them back to reality, followed by Zoya's sharp-tongued demand that they hurry up, or they're going to be late.

     Nikolai doesn't look away from Anya as he settles her gently back on the ground. His hands still linger at her waist. A slow, lazy smile pulls at his lips. "I suppose it's rude to be late to your own engagement party. Should I be concerned that your speech will flatter me terribly? Is it filled with praise and adoration about my dashing good looks and genius?"

     Anya almost snorts, pulling herself out of his grip. "I'd say it's filled with my exasperation at your recklessness, your daring, your inability to keep your hands to yourself—"

     "—and my dashing good looks." He reaches for her again but she dodges his outstretched hand. "Can't a man kiss his future wife?"

     "That man won't make it to his wedding day if he keeps testing Zoya's patience." She shoots him a warning glance, though the effectiveness of it is ruined by the brightness of her smile. Once, not so long ago, he feared he'd never seen her shine like this again. "I promise to include your handsomeness in my vows if you get a move on."

     With a chuckle, he joins her at the door, their fingers threading together. She kisses the corner of his mouth as a reward, and then the pair of them stumble out of their room and into the rest of their lives.

#* chapter update. #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov oc #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov fanfic #shadow and bone oc #shadow and bone fanfic #grishaverse #grishaverse fanfic #six of crows fanfic #* fic: gold rush.

[headfullofpresley]

𝐍𝐨 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐋𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐓𝐨 𝐓𝐫𝐲

This is part 2 to Good Rockin' Tonight, which you can find here.

Pairing: Elvis Presley x reader

Word count: 8,5K

Summary: After four years, you and Elvis meet again but the both of you realise you're more different from each other than expected. Still, you take the next step into your relationship but it doesn't take you long to find yourself unhappy with the life you're living.

Warnings: angst fest, small age gap (4 years, reader is older), reader being conflicted about her future, arguments, reader being very independent, strong language, alcohol consumption, smoking, breaking up.

A/N: well... this kind of took a life of its own, tbh. i have too many thoughts and too many directions i want to go in with it, sooo it'll turn into a 4 (maybe 5) part series. don't let the break up scare you, my loves. 👀

masterlist

After your night with Elvis in 1956, your journalism career pretty much skyrocketed the same way Elvis’ did.

You had interviewed the young rockstar the following afternoon while indulging in a late lunch with him, his friends and Lori. Both you and Lori really enjoyed yourselves among the guys, but unfortunately all good things must come to an end. Elvis and entourage had to get back on the road to make it to the next town on time and you and Lori had to go back to work, hopefully satisfying your boss enough to get you that promotion.

The article was a success. You obviously did not publish the first interview you did with Elvis, because it was simply too flirty and you were positive his fans nor your boss would appreciate the conversation you and the singer had. The interview that was published was fun and light, with Elvis talking mostly about his fans and music, which is exactly what the people wanted to read.

You and Elvis had exchanged phone numbers and once he got news of you getting a promotion, he made a promise to celebrate with you. You promised him you’d attend one of his shows as soon as you could again.

But neither of you were able to keep those promises. Your work load was getting heavier – which you were thankful for because this is exactly what you wanted – and Elvis had just been given his script for his first movie.

The romance, friendship or whatever it was that you two had was short lived as your phone calls got shorter and shorter, only for them to eventually stop altogether. You couldn’t blame him and neither could he blame you – you both lived different lives, you were both busy with finding your place in the world.

Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.

 

Even though you haven’t heard personally from Elvis, it was impossible to avoid him in any way. He was on the cover of most teen magazine’s, his movies were doing extremely well and everyone wanted a piece of Elvis Presley – mostly his fans and reporters. You were still working at Modern Teen and whenever Elvis’ was in or near Los Angeles or a new movie was released, the office was in high spirits, the space filled with the sound of type writing machines buzzing and Mr. Kimzey’s phone ringing non-stop.

You always loved the atmosphere whenever Modern Teen was doing a piece on Elvis or whenever he was in town. It was hectic and stressful, but everyone was buzzing with good energy – even though you wanted to take every chance of meeting Elvis face to face again, it wasn’t always possible. It may have seem like Elvis was the only celebrity around that mattered, and although he definitely was the most popular, you couldn’t simply fill an entire magazine with Elvis only.

Lori and you were still interviewing other people and once Mr. Kimzey assigned Doris Day to you, you were over the moon. Elvis was a hero to many teen girls, but Doris was yours.

Meeting her was like a dream come true, but you and Lori’s parade was quick to be drenched by the storm clouds that crept their way into the office when news got out that Elvis Presley’s career was coming to a halt.

He was getting drafted.

 

The two years of his absence were strange. Not only were his fans devastated, but the music industry was changing and so was your life. Even though you and Elvis were separated by an ocean and a nine hour time difference, you were both miserable.

Elvis lost his mother, hated being away from home and was fearful for his return to the States and how people would perceive him. You had lost your job due the company’s banktrupcy, living in a small apartment together with Lori in the middle of Los Angeles and instead of enjoying your twenties like you should, you were running all over the city to find a new job.

You may have worked your way up the career ladder at Modern Teen, but it didn’t seem like it mattered all that much when it came to other companies. With the new decade coming closer and closer, people were anticipating Elvis’ comeback and they only wanted the best of the best when it came to reporters.

They were hiring mostly young men, because unfortunately, the arrival of 1960 wasn’t changing the fact that you still very much lived in a man’s world. They didn’t think a woman could do the job as well as a man, figuring a female reporter would get distracted too quickly, would be a distraction to people in the industry or co-workers or were simply not meant to be making a career but rather be off marrying and popping out a few children.

You were genuinely considering an entire career change, until you got an unexpected phone call from Seventeen magazine, letting you know they wanted you on their team.

You had applied for a job at the magazine three months ago, but you figured you wouldn’t hear from them since their magazine mostly focused on fashion and you were a music journalist. They let you know that they were planning to expand more on music and film to cater to a wider range of people and after looking through your portfolio once more, you were considered to be the perfect candidate.

It was a huge surprise, a company you never imagined yourself working at but you didn’t hesitate to take the opportunity with both hands. Meeting celebrities, models or fashion designers – you figured there wasn’t that much of a difference other than the topic that would be discussed. You just wanted to work and write again, and you could definitely use the money.

 

Unfortunately, Lori did not join you on your new adventure as she had made the step to switch careers and was currently working at a recording studio – though not colleagues anymore, you still lived together and were closer than ever.

Having to step inside the office on your first day alone was nerve wracking, but the feeling didn’t last long; the fashion magazine was run by mostly females and they all welcomed you with open arms, treating you as if you had been with them for months. Years even. While you had been hopeless losing your job at Modern Teen and hunting for a new source of income, you were happy that your life had the exciting routine it always had again.

It didn’t take you long to develop a slight interest in fashion and although the newly music and film columns were doing well, you’d learn from your co-workers who specialized in fabrics and designs and whatnot whenever you had some free time on your hands. Although Elvis’ arrival back in the States did not go unnoticed, the Seventeen office didn’t have the same high energy and buzzing feel music magazines had – the people in your office focused on their own work, running back and forth to get things ready for a shoot, calling modeling agency after modeling agency or editing their work until they were seeing cross eyed. It was chaotic in a completely different way.

But all you could think about was Elvis and how you were going to get in contact with him again. You were ashamed to admit that you had called the old phone number he had given you – and even Red’s number that Lori still had – but you never received an answer. You figured the only way to get in touch with him was in a professional setting.

The opportunity to do so fell in your lap when Mrs. Hollis, your boss, gave you the news that she had assigned you to spend a few days at Paramount with Juliet Prowse, who was currently shooting a new movie. You were eager to accept the project, even before Hollis told you her co-star was Elvis Presley.

As if you didn't know that yet.

You had not shown much interest in Elvis before the first time you met him, but ever since you shared a bed with him, you kept track of what was going on in his life. He was still getting a lot of attention from the public, so it didn’t take you much digging to find out he was making moves in Hollywood.

You didn’t care that this wasn’t going to be a movie article, or one that strictly catered to the movie. You liked Juliet Prowse and couldn’t wait to meet her and spend time with her – you didn’t even care that you’d mostly be writing about what she was wearing – but the only real reason why you were doing this was because you were going to see Elvis again.

“Nervous?” Oliver, one of Seventeen’s stylists and self proclaimed photographers, asked as the both of you were led through the gates of Paramount Studios.

“A little,” you told him with a small smile, following a security guy that walked ahead of you onto the lot. “I mean, it is Juliet Prowse. She’s with Sinatra- what if he visits her on set? I will just about pass away,”

Oliver laughed, nodding in agreement. “Believe me, I will too,”

You laughed along, not telling him that you didn’t care if Frank Sinatra would make a surprise visit or not. Sure, Frank was awesome, but it was the other present singer that was getting your insides to twist and turn the closer you got to Prowse’s dressing room. He probably wasn’t even going to be in there, but it was the fact that he was here… somewhere.

 

As expected, Juliet Prowse was lovely. She gave you and Oliver a tour of the set which had you thinking you were somewhere in a small town in Germany. Oliver being the expert in the latest fashion among you two and Juliet being very interested in the subject, the two got drawn to each other – laughing and talking about things you sometimes did not completely understand.

You’d much rather be talking about music or film, anyways. It wasn’t like you were miserable when fashion was the topic of conversation, you liked it, but it wasn’t what you were most passionate about. For some reason, you found yourself feeling like somewhat of an outsider and you hated that feeling more than anything. As Oliver suggested Juliet to take some photos, you took the opportunity to excuse yourself.

 

You didn’t know if you were annoyed at this project or at yourself – you should be grateful that you had a job at all. You were in Hollywood, wandering on a Paramount lot… there were enough people who wanted to be in your shoes. And here you were, suddenly overthinking a job that was steady and secure.

You didn’t know if the money was worth to sacrifice your happiness.

The thought that you might be annoyed because you have not seen Elvis yet either made you even more annoyed. Just like back in 1956, it was like he had some kind of freaky control over you, making you act like a lovesick fan, and he wasn’t even here.

You walked until you found a quiet spot behind one of the caravans that were used for wardrobe changes and rumbled through your purse to grab your pack of cigarettes out of it, placing one in between your lips. You cursed softly as you realised you didn’t have a lighter on you, and then nearly had a heart attack when the back door of the caravan was thrown open, hitting you in the shoulder with force that made you stumble back a little.

Your unlit cigarette fell to the floor as you grabbed your shoulder and looked up at the man stepping outside, looking at you with bewildered eyes when he noticed what he had done.

And when he noticed who you were.

“Y/N?”

You didn’t realise how much you had craved to see him again until this moment. Seeing him in pictures and movies and hearing him on the radio was one thing, but it was nowhere near as good as the real deal. You already knew he had grown up quite a bit compared to the young rocker he was in ’56, but having him stand right in front of your nose and clothed in an army uniform… it had your heart thumping frantically against your ribcage.

Or was it because he still knew your name after four years?

“Are you okay? Shit, I should be more careful,” he sighed deeply, looking a little frustrated with his own actions as he stepped closer to you and gently removed your hand from your shoulder to look at the damage.

There was no damage – at least, not yet. And you wouldn’t care if you’d be bruised later.

You were nailed to the ground, staring at him as if he was nothing but a figure of your imagination and suddenly, Elvis became doubtful, thinking this was a case of mistaken identity.

“Y/N, right? Modern Teen?”

You slowly shook your head, but before he could apologize for both hitting you with a door and mistaking you for someone else, you quickly stopped gawking at him and quickly nodded your head. “Y-Yeah, it’s me. Modern Teen,” you closed your eyes for a few seconds, frowning as you laughed. “I mean yes, it’s me, Y/N. I work for Seventeen now,”

He let out a deep laugh in relief and swung his arms around you, nearly making you wince in pain as he squeezed your shoulders. He was hugging you as if you two were life long friends who were having a reunion and although you had not expected him to react this way, it felt good.

His large palm holding onto your shoulders… not so much.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he quickly let go of you as he noticed your face and you rubbed your shoulder a little, laughing softly. “Let’s get some ice for that,”

“No, no, I’m fine. C’mon, what am I? Made of sugar?” you joked with a grin on your face, making him laugh in excitement. Noticing the pack of Marlboros still in your hand, he sneakily stole it from you and took one out of the pack. Putting a cigarette in between his lips, you followed his lead and thanked him as he lit it with a lighter he fished out of one of the pockets of his uniform.

“What are you doing here? Seventeen’s all about fashion, isn’t it? I guess I’m not giving you much to report about,” he chuckled, flicking his index finger against his cap, letting it sit slightly crooked atop of his head.

Taking a drag from your cigarette, you chuckled and exhaled some of the smoke into the other direction. “I’m here for Juliet. My colleague’s.. doing God knows what with her right now,”

He didn’t miss the hint of annoyance lacing your tongue, no matter how small it was. “Lori?”

“No, Lori works at Sunset Records. Probably discovering America’s newest gem,” you grinned playfully, leaning against the caravan behind you, far enough from the door.

Elvis took place next to you, a soft smile on his face.

He was hoping you didn’t see the hint of hurt that tugged at his features because of your comment. And you hoped he hadn’t heard the slight pang of jealousy in your voice when talking about Lori.

“So you both went through a change of careers? Fashion seems like it would fit you, but your face says otherwise,”

You raised your eyebrows, turning your head to look at him. “And what does my face say?”

“That you hate it,”

He was grinning down at you, as if he had just given you the greatest lecture there was to be taught and you couldn’t help but laugh. Shaking your head a little, you took another drag from your cigarette and looked down as you flicked some ashes to the ground.

“I don’t hate it. Fashion is interesting, it really is, but I’d much rather go back to the time where I had to argue with the door men at the Shrine Auditorium so I could interview America’s most controversial rockstar,”

He nearly choked on the smoke that filled his lungs as he laughed at your comment, slapping his chest a little. With slightly flushed cheeks, he grinned as he looked down at you due to your height difference and raised a teasing eyebrow.

“Interviewing him wasn’t the only thing you did,” he teased, smug grin showing off part of his pearly whites. You gasped in feigned shock, slapping his arm as you pushed yourself to stand up straight.

“I have to get back to work,” you told him, a smile on your face. You didn’t want to, but you figured Oliver would be wondering where you were right now. “Too bad I’m assigned to your co-worker, or we could’ve done another.. interview,”

His teeth sunk into his lower lip, getting the suggestive hint you were throwing his way and before you could walk away, he gently grabbed your wrist.

“We still can,” he quickly said. “I mean, not that, you know. Not that I would mind-believe me, I wouldn’t mind at all. But I’d like to see you again, Y/N,”

You laughed softly at his words, looking down at his hand around your wrist. The skin on skin contact caused goosebumps to lick at your skin, memories flashing before your eyes.

Part of you wanted to play hard to get, but you had no idea if you’d be able to reach out to him if you’d simply walk away now. You were only going to be here for a few days, and those days would have to be spend with Juliet Prowse.

You weren’t going to turn down Elvis Presley. You couldn’t and you wouldn’t.

“Dinner tonight, my place. Around 7ish? Bring Red too,” you told him, meeting his eyes that seemed to light up immediately.

The frustration that you thought you had seen lingering around him when he stormed out of the caravan had melted like snow in the heat of the sun.

 

As soon as you got home and Lori wandered through the doors, you filled her in on the situation. She cursed you for not calling the recording studio to tell her earlier, because now she only had ten minutes to get ready, but as she ran to the bathroom, she called out how much she loved you.

You laughed softly at her antics and looked at the state of the dining table, afraid if you had overdone it for a dinner that was supposed to be for just friends. Maybe the candles weren’t necessary, but without them, the table looked too empty. Leaving the table for what it was, you quickly made your way into your bedroom and changed into a different dress, overthinking the first one.

You could never go wrong with black – see, Seventeen had taught you a thing or two.

Checking your make-up and hair in the mirror, you nearly broke your lipstick in half as Lori’s panicked screams filled up the apartment. Running out of your room, you noticed your friend frantically swinging her arms around to break through the thick smoke that was filling up the kitchen.

Shit, you completely forgot about the food in the oven.

Just as you wanted to make your way into the kitchen, the doorbell screeched through the apartment, making you even more nervous and panicked. You decided that whoever – hopefully Elvis and Red – were at the door would have to take on the role of your savior, as you and Lori had no idea what to do.

“Help!” you squeaked out as you opened the door, relieved to see the two familiar men in front of you. Elvis quickly stepped inside, followed by Red and in the matter of a few seconds the small fire in the oven was put out by Elvis throwing handsful of salt in it and Red taking it a step further by aiming the fire extinguisher unknowingly in Lori’s direction.

You were happy everything was back under control – aside from having nothing to eat now – but Lori seemed completely through it as she stood there in her towel, covered in the contents of the extinguisher.

You and Elvis stood there with your mouths hidden behind your hands, holding in your laugh, as Red feared for his life.

“I’ll help you clean,” he quickly told her and she grabbed his arm, telling him he’d better or else, tugging him along into the bathroom.

“I wasn’t that hungry anyways,” Elvis shrugged with a grin, opening the sliding doors of your balcony before he joined you in the kitchen again, kissing your cheek.

“Liar,” you sighed, pouting as you looked at the completely black chicken Elvis had thrown in the sink just a few minutes ago. “God, I’m embarrassed. I invite you over for dinner and I can’t even feed you!”

“I’ll ask Red to get us something. It’s no problem, honey,” he said casually, but for some reason the pet name made you halt in your tracks. It had hardly bothered you in ’56 – ofcourse you liked hearing him say it – but now it just sounded so… different.

You didn’t know why, but it did. And it made the hairs on the back of your neck stand right up.

“We don’t need to have a fancy dinner or anythin’. I just wanna be here and catch up with you,” he smiled as he appeared next to you, his hand on the back of your neck to let his fingertips tickle your skin through your hair playfully.

“Let’s catch up while we clean this mess,” you inhaled a deep breath, trying to ignore the effects he still seemed to have on you as you stepped away to take some cleaning supplies out of one of the cabinets.

He didn’t seem to take offense to your actions, happily helping you clean.

 

As Red and Lori were out to get food and the kitchen was clean, you and Elvis sat on the balcony nursing a drink. You learned that he still wasn’t a big alcohol fan, but he was enjoying the margarita you made him.

“So, Hollywood, huh?” you hummed with a wiggle of your eyebrows, putting your cocktail on the small table in between you two after sipping it. “You like the movie you’re working on?”

He avoided eye contact for a little bit, looking at the view of the city as he nodded while gulping down a big sip of his drink. “Yeah, it’s fun,”

You weren’t an idiot. You didn’t miss the dishonesty in his words and you were also reminded of the short lived frustration that was written on his features earlier today.

“Acting fits you, El, but that’s not what your face says,” you sang teasingly, grinning at him as you crossed your legs and hung your arm over your knee.

He smiled softly at the new nickname, his eyes meeting yours. He knew you were using his own words against him, but he decided to play along.

“What does my face say then, honey?”

“You hate the movie,”

His smile slowly faded as he chewed on the inside of his cheek, nodding his head as he downed the rest of his drink before putting the empty glass next to your full one.

“I do,” he mumbled, grasping his box of cigars from the table to light one. Squinting his eyes at you, he took a drag from his cigar as that small grin returned to his face. “Should I be tellin’ you this? You’re a reporter after all,”

You let out a small laugh as you rolled your eyes, raising your glass to take a sip of the self made cocktail. “You’re right- don’t tell me. I’ll write down your deepest and darkest secrets.. should I let you plan my funeral now or…?”

His fans would hunt you down and murder you.

That you were sure of.

He laughed and exhaled some smoke up in the air, flicking some ashes off his cigar into the ash tray.

“It’s just… I don’t know. It’s nothin’ like I expected it to be,” he mumbled, keeping his eyes on his cigar that he rolled around the edge of the ash tray. He shrugged his shoulders lightly, avoiding eye contact.

He was feeling vulnerable. Sure, he had complained about the movie and The Colonel to some people that were close to him, but never to a girl he was together with. And he wasn’t even together with you- he slept with you once four years ago and he knew absolutely nothing about you.

He regretted saying anything and bringing up the topic. He liked you and not only did he not want to put an unnecessary burden on your shoulders, he also found it hard to trust girls. He didn’t like talking about the business aspects of his career in general and especially not to girls, but he wanted to trust you.

Because you were so kind and you were looking at him with those sweet eyes and that warm, inviting little smile. He wanted to trust you and confide in you, so badly.

Other than telling him he could talk to you about it, you didn’t pressure him any further. You didn’t need to, because that little confirmation of you being okay with him venting was seemingly all he needed to let out more than he was planning to.

“It’s just a bunch of bullshit. I came back from Germany not even a year ago and I feel like I’m right there again- and fuck, it’s just so frustrating,” he was raising his voice a little but you knew the emotions he was showing weren’t aimed at you. His hands were all over the place, as he was speaking more animatedly than you had ever seen someone do before. “The songs are literal shit and the script is even worse. I love actin’, I really do, but I have so much.. so much more in me. I can do so much better, Y/N, I’m tellin’ ya,”

You were looking at him the entire time, nodding now and then to let him know you were listening to what he was saying. You felt bad for him, but to you, it didn’t seem like a problem that was unfixable. Sure, this wouldn’t be a cinematic masterpiece, but there would be other offers. His acting career was still open to go in many different directions.

But as you gave your opinion about the matter and he went on a whole rant about his manager, you wanted to keep the conversation going.

You realised soon that you should’ve just kept your mouth shut.

“Find another manager, Elvis,” you told him, finishing you drink. “There’s plenty out there that I’m sure would love to manage you and are willing to put your wishes first. Lori’s pretty tight with her boss, all kinds of people come in and out of Sunset- I can have her ask around for you a little,”

You could barely finish your sentence before he had let out deep sigh, his features hard as he roughly pushed out his cigar in the ash tray and shook his head.

He should’ve never brought up The Colonel. He knew himself, he knew that he didn’t like discussing this subject, and he had no idea why he had done it now. He didn’t want the evening to be ruined, but he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

“It doesn’t work like that, Y/N. There’s contracts and all that shit,” he sighed, rushing a hand through his hair as he looked over the railing of the balcony again to not have to look at you. “I’m not sayin’ he’s entirely a bad manager, it’s just fucked that I’m stuck doing shit I’m not interested in doing,”

“Well then do something about it, Elvis,” you were getting a little bit frustrated yourself, as the tone in his voice was now aimed at you and it had hurt your feelings a little. Though not being tied down to a manager and being able to walk away from your current job, you were also most definitely not in your happy place. But you didn’t want this to escalate into an argument, so you hid your emotions as best as you could. “A lot of musicians and actors switch managers, even in the middle of their careers, and most of the time it’s for the better,”

“I can’t- you don’t fucking understand,” he mumbled as he ran a hand down his face, looking at you. With his eyebrows frowned and his jaw slightly clenched, he looked like your balcony was the last place on Earth where he wanted to be. “Let’s just drop it, alright? As soon as Red comes back, we’ll leave,”

You couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, one in disbelief, that was. You still felt bad for him and you didn’t want him to leave, but you weren’t going to let him treat you as if you were some kind of naive little girl.

“Fine, whatever. I was trying to help you, Elvis, but if you can’t even have a normal conversation about it then you should go,”

He watched as you got up and grabbed the empty cocktail glasses, walking inside to put them in the sink. He felt bad for snapping at you, but he currently wasn’t in the position to overpower his ego and therefor, he wasn’t going to apologize.

He was stubborn and so were you, but the two of you didn’t know that.

You barely knew each other.

“And don’t worry,” you suddenly spoke up, not bothering to hide much of your emotions for his sake anymore, that sweet playful smile of yours nowhere to be seen anymore. “This conversation stays between us. How can I write about something I don’t understand, right?”

He had followed you inside, standing a few feet away from the kitchen space. The tension in the room was thick and awkward and even though you were decent enough to not kick him out before Red got here, he couldn’t deal with the situation you and him were currently in.

He hated confrontation.

“I’ll wait for Red outside,” he told you, to which you simply nodded your head.

Part of you wanted to tell him to stay, kiss him to persuade him not to leave even but you didn’t. You’d like to think you weren’t that hopeless.

He bawled his hands into fists before sprawling out his fingers against his thighs, giving you a quick nod as he walked over to the front door. You ignored him as he mumbled a soft “I’ll see you on set” and sighed deeply at the sound of the front door opening and closing.

You hated men. You truly did.

 

Red wasn’t too happy about finding Elvis outside of the door and having to leave Lori behind once again, but he couldn’t do anything else than say goodbye to Lori and go home with Elvis.

You apologized to Lori, feeling bad that she had to miss out on a fun night.

“Don’t stress your little head about it. Red’s coming back tonight when Elvis is sleeping,” she grinned at you as you sat down on the couch, with the food she had gotten with Red. It was too much for the both of you, but the seafood platter calmed you down a little bit so you were happily stuffing your face. “What happened anyways? Only thing Elvis said to me is that he was sorry and he’d be back another time,”

“I hope he won’t,” you scoffed, not meaning a single word. Ofcourse you were hoping he would come back. “I don’t even know what happened, Lo. We were talking about the movie he’s shooting and his manager, and then things just.. went downhill,”

“I’m sorry,” she pouted a little, taking a bite of food. You shrugged and sighed deeply, popping a prawn in your mouth.

“It doesn’t even matter. We barely know each other, I don’t even know why it bothers me so much- anyways, he’s young but since he thinks he’s so wise, he’ll figure it out,”

Lori took you by surprise by letting out a laugh, wiping her mouth with a napkin as she looked at you in near disbelief. “You’re in love with him, Y/N. That’s why it bothers you,”

You widened your eyes a little, quickly swallowing your food as you pressed your napkin against your lips. “Yeah, so is half the world,”

“Maybe. But half the world hasn’t slept with him and he doesn’t look at half the world the way he looks at you,”

You knew she was right. You were in love with him and he did look at you in a way that made you think he felt the same, but right now you were still annoyed at the way he had spoken to you.

You didn’t know if a relationship between you and Elvis was in the cards, but what you did know was that he had already crept his way into your heart so deep that was impossible for you to get him out of it.

 

With Oliver being struck by the flu, you were on your own on the job. This wasn’t exactly a bad thing since it gave you the opportunity to get to know Juliet Prowse better and you learned that she was even nicer than you had originally thought. You became quick friends with her as well as with some other girls on the set.

You and Elvis had been avoiding each other like the plague and even though you felt awkward every time he was near, you were starting to enjoy this little project more and more. It wasn’t like you did not know anything about fashion but you appreciated Juliet teaching you a thing or two about designers and whatnot and she loved hearing you talk about music and your previous job. You trusted her enough to confide in her about what happened between you and Elvis, though not in great detail, and you cursed your new friend as Elvis stepped inside of her dressing room where you were waiting instead of her.

It was your last day on set, the day you were supposed to interview Juliet to write up a good article for the job that you actually needed but she didn’t seem to care much about that right now.

Hopefully you’d be able to thank her later, but that all depended on how this conversation with Elvis was going to play out.

“Hi,” you were the first to break the silence a few seconds after he came into the room. He was leaning against the closed door, looking at you.

“Hi,”

The awkward tension in the room was nearly palpable. You hated it.

“Where’s Juli?”

“Honey, listen-“ he started as he pushed himself off the door, walking over to you. Leaning against Juliet’s vanity table, you held up a finger and stopped him.

“No, Elvis, you listen,” you told him, crossing your arms as you inhaled a sharp breath. “I don’t know what’s going on between us; I want to get to know you better and explore.. whatever.. it is that we have going on but you can’t snap at me the way you did. Maybe it wasn’t my place, but I was trying to help or at least let you know I was there for you if you wanted to talk. The way you talked to me the other night made me feel so.. so small and I don’t appreciate that, El. I like you, I do- I think you’re a great guy, truly I do, but I don’t want to feel small. I’m a twenty nine year old woman and-“

He caught you off guard as he strided forward and grabbed your face, kissing you. You let out a small huff against his lips, your muscles threatening to turn into jelly at his touch but before your body fully gave in, you managed to gently push him off.

The distance you kept between you by pressing your hands firmly against his chest was something Elvis hated more than anything.

“See, that’s what I’m saying- you can’t just kiss me and consider it an apology. I need you to say the words, talk to me,”

He nodded a little, but you didn’t miss the way his jaw clenched in frustration. You watched as he took a step back and took the hat that belonged to his uniform off, rubbing his hands down his face before he suddenly threw the hat across the dressing room. His temper didn’t scare you off, but as he paced back and forth with his hands on his hips, you just wished you could pull the damn words out of him.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for talking to you the way I did, I was an ass,”

He took you by surprise with those words, but you kept your mouth shut because you could see there was more burning on his tongue. You didn’t want to stop him from spilling his feelings.

“But I like you, more than I thought I would and I appreciate that you wanna try and help me but this… this is my shit to deal with. I don’t wanna put that on your shoulders,”

You were weak. The look in his eyes made your legs move on their own, walking closer to him. He seemed both lost and frustrated, you didn’t know whether it was because of his own actions or because of the fact he was working on a movie that didn’t show the potential he told you he had. A movie that made him unmotivated, but still he had hope that better things were coming.

They had to.

“I’m asking you to put it on my shoulders,” you told him, sighing softly as you took his hands in yours. “But if you really don’t want to talk about it, I won’t force you to. Just know that I’m willing to be here and listen- whatever you’re going through, you don’t have to go through it alone,”

He nodded and gently pulled his hands out of yours, wrapping his arms around you to push you against his chest and squeeze you softly in his embrace. You sighed softly as you wrapped your arms around his waist, rubbing his back soothingly. “Thank you, Y/N. I never met anyone like you,” he whispered, putting his chin on top of your head. “You’re so kind and so.. real. It’s real hard to meet people like you nowadays, and don’t even question what’s going on between us anymore, okay honey? I wanna be with you,”

You pulled back out of the embrace a little, placing your hands on his hips as you looked up at him. He smiled at you, moving his hand up to twirl a strand of your hair around his finger. “I want to be with you too, but I want something real, El. Something serious,”

“Hey, did you forget what I told you? You know I’m not a one time kinda guy,”

You playfully squinted your eyes at him. He did tell you that and you remembered it as if he had spoken the words only yesterday. Just like you believed him back then, you believed him now as well.

“I hope you can live up to that statement,” you told him, raising yourself on your toes to plant a soft kiss on his lips. He smiled a little against your lips, nodding as he gently cupped your face.

“I can and I will, because I only want you,”

 

You and Elvis dated for a total of two years. It was good in the beginning, perfect even- aside from the topic of his manager, the two of you talked about everything and you learned that he wasn’t that bad at talking about his feelings at all. Whenever he had time off, he’d spend it with you; he even paid for your – and Lori’s – plane  tickets whenever he was back in Memphis and wanted you there with him.

Due to Elvis’ inconvenient schedule and you not wanting to miss any time with him, you had lost your job. You always told yourself that you were an independent woman and would pick your career over a man, but when it came to Elvis, he was always your number one priority. You were a weak, weak woman.

A woman in love.

In those two years, you and Elvis knew pretty much everything about each other. He was able to bring out your childish and playful side and you were able to have him tell people “no” more often than he liked. You loved him, you believed that you would until the day you’d die, but eventually you were starting to miss normalcy.

A normal, human routine. Wake up, go to work, cook, lazy evenings with the TV, go to bed. This was the complete opposite of how Elvis lived his life and you had always accepted it, but you were exhausted.

You couldn’t handle to stay up all throughout the night only for you to sleep the day away. Having a house full of rowdy men almost every day was something that had you craving privacy and you couldn’t take one more second of having to sit at home and worry whenever he was away shooting a movie and you most certainly could not handle another outburst of your own temper whenever you read in some lousy magazine that Elvis Presley was getting all cosy with his newest co-star.

A week before he was set to leave to Hawaii to film Girls! Girls! Girls!, a bomb had exploded in Graceland.

Red was quick to get Lori out of the house and everyone knew when and where to disappear off to when they heard you and Elvis going back and forth in a heated argument.

“So, that’s it? You’re leaving, drowning two years down the drain just like that?” he yelled at you as he was hot on your heels with every step that you made from the wardrobe to the bed, throwing clothes in your suitcase. “You can’t even tell me why you’re leaving?”

“I told you, Elvis, but you don’t listen!”

“I’m listening now, so tell me- tell me why the fuck you’re leaving when I give you everything you want. Everything you need. I’d give you the clothes off my back and you know it!”

Every time you threw a piece of clothing in your suitcase, he pulled it out again only for you to take it out of his hands and put it back in your suitcase.

“I don’t want the clothes off your back, don’t you fucking get it?” you yelled in frustration as you halted your movements, standing in front of him. Now you were the one speaking animatedly; a habit you picked up from him. “I don’t need fancy jewelry and dresses piling out of the closet. I want a normal life and a man who’s actually there. All I want is you, Elvis, not the shell of you that comes home exhausted every time you finish one of those damned movies!”

“You knew what you were getting yourself into, don’t even try to put the blame on me, Y/N,” he grabbed your wrists as you raised your hands to run them through your hair. You sighed deeply, shaking your head a little at him.

“I’m not putting the blame on you,” you told him as you harshly pulled your hands out of his grip and went back to packing. “Maybe this is all my own fault, maybe it is.. and I love you, but I just can’t do this anymore. This isn’t the life I want to live, Elvis, you know me better than that. I don’t belong here.. in Memphis, in Graceland. I don’t belong in your world,”

You stopped pacing once more, placing your hands on your suitcase as your head hung low. You blinked a few times to fight the tears, but it was useless; your shoulders were shaking as they rolled down your face, mascara staining your cheeks.

Tears stung in his eyes too and he was quick to wrap his arms around you, sitting on the edge of his bed and taking you with him as he pulled you on his lap. He held you firmly, caressing your hair out of your face frantically and thumbing away your tears.

“You do belong in my world, you belong with me,” he whispered, holding you so tight against his chest you could barely breathe. “Please tell me how to fix this, tell me what to do.. Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you,”

You shook your head, pulling back out of his embrace to look at him. Placing a hand on his cheek, you wiped away a tear that rolled down his face. Seeing him like this broke you, but you knew you had to choose yourself this time.

“We can’t fix this, El,” you whispered, slowly getting up from his lap. “I need my old life back- I need myself back and I can’t do that here. I can’t do that when I’m together with you.. I’m sorry,”

You hated yourself for saying those words out loud, but you knew they needed to be said because they were true. Although Elvis had never held you back from working, you knew he wasn’t too fond of you going back into the journalism field either – he had made a comment once about how it was weird for a person that was in the public’s eye and a journalist to be together. It had rubbed you the wrong way when he said it, but you had ignored it.

Although he had never explicitly said the words, you knew he wanted you to stay by his side at all times. Wait for him at home when he was away for work and then be ready 24/7 for whatever he had planned. And you had tried, you had tried so hard, but you were unhappy.

This wasn’t the life you had expected to have – maybe he was right.

Maybe a reporter and a celebrity just weren’t meant to be together.

You couldn’t even remember the last time you wrote or did something you were truly passionate about, something that made you happy. You didn’t want to live in secret anymore. You needed to find yourself again before it was too late and you’d completely lose sight of who you really were.

Elvis was hurt and angry and broken, but he couldn’t force you to stay. No matter what he’d do or say, he knew there was no stopping you. Part of him understood how you felt – ofcourse he did. He’d seen how unhappy you were at times and he hated that he was partly to blame for that.

You were a bird and birds weren’t meant to be held in cages.

He just wished things didn’t have to end this way, and he didn’t have to let you go like this.

You still loved each other and he was glad you were okay with his promise of calling you when he’d be back in LA. It wasn’t like you thought ill of him or blamed him for how things had played out – there were two parties involved and although there really was no one to blame, he wasn’t the bad guy. The hurt you were feeling in your heart right now was your own fault as well – perhaps this much heartache could’ve been prevented if you had set your priorities straight from the beginning, if you told him straight up how you wanted the relationship and your lives together to be.

 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered as you held each other at the front door, Lori and Red standing by the staircase. Just because you and Elvis had put an end to your relationship, didn’t mean Lori had to. She still had a few vacation days left and you were more than okay with her staying at Graceland for a little longer; you needed some time alone.

“Don’t be,” he told you as he held you pressed up against his chest, his fingers combing through your hair as his other hand rubbed your back repeatedly. You felt as if his hand was going to burn a hole through the fabric of your jacket. “I love you, baby. I want you to be happy and I’m sorry I can’t give you what you need,”

His words tore your heart to shreds all over again and part of you didn’t want to let go of him. Part of you wanted to drag your suitcase right back up those stairs and throw all your belongings back in the closet, but you knew leaving was the right decision to make. No matter how much it hurt.

“I love you, Elvis,” you told him as you pulled back out of the embrace a little, wiping a tear from the corner of your eyes. You smiled at him, but it was filled with pain, and it made Elvis’ heart clench violently in his chest. “I hope.. I hope we can stay friends- I don’t want us to become strangers,”

“Are you kiddin’? I’m gonna call you as soon as I’m back in LA, can’t get rid of me that quick,”

The both of you laughed through your tears and you nodded, allowing him to kiss you one more time. Your body responded to him immediately but before you could melt into the kiss even further, you gently broke contact and took a step back. He lifted your suitcase from the ground, walking you out of the house and to the car where Joe was already sitting behind the wheel, waiting to take you to the airport.

“Have a safe flight,” he told you after he put your suitcase in the trunk, opening the door for you. He was trying to keep his voice as steady as possible, but you didn’t miss the tremble on his tongue and him swallowing his tears. “Call me when you get home,”

You nodded, squeezing his hand firmly as you kissed his cheek. You had to force yourself to get in the car and as he closed the door for you, you could see he had given up on trying to stop himself from crying. You gave up the battle too, letting your tears run freely down your face – as Joe drove away from the house, you didn’t look back, because you knew the sight of Elvis standing there would make you want to jump out of the moving car and run back into his arms.

Maybe you were making a mistake and maybe this wasn’t the right decision at all, but you didn’t want to be stuck in a lifestyle that you had no business of being in.

Some things are simply not meant to be.

The scene in Girls! Girls! Girls! of the small kitchen fire was slightly altered at Elvis' request. For obvious reasons.

Taglist: @feverkitten @woundmetender @returntoelvis @ab4eva @prayerstopresley @marriedtopresley @steph-speaks @wonka-gifs @notstefaniepresley @elvisabutler @ellie-24 @dollksj @webbedwebs @wivette @breadsquash @savedrebelcreation @re3kin

#elvis x reader #elvis presley x reader #elvis x you #elvis presley x you #elvis x y/n #elvis presley x y/n #elvis angst #elvis presley angst #elvis smut #elvis presley smut #elvis imagine #elvis presley imagine #elvis fanfiction #elvis presley fanfiction #elvis #elvis presley #tamwrites #Spotify

[hairstevington]

flowers and ink (part 4)

Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington

Summary: Eddie and Steve are officially gonna go out. But where?? Thankfully, their friends are invested and ready to help.

(part 1, part 2, part 3, link to Ao3)

Word Count: 2K (bit of a short update, but next one will be longer!)

Warnings: Tattoo artist/Florist pairing, modern day au, Eddie is a SIMP, oh hi Gareth!, codependent Stobin, hot messery, just a bunch of cute shit throughout tbh

A/N: I'm back! Shout out to @gregre369 for 1) being a top fan and 2) suggesting this date idea. You are an MVP, dear reader &lt;3

“Okay,” Eddie said with a firm nod. “So, now we just have to decide where to go, right?”

They heard a heavy sigh from the phone on the table, followed by the noise that iPhones make when a call is disconnected. 

“Damn,” Steve chuckled as he put his phone back in his pocket. “I was hoping we could use her as a lifeline or something.”

“That’s probably why she hung up,” Eddie retorted. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone sigh that loudly before in such a genuine way. Like, she’s really done with us.”

“Yeah, I hear her sigh like that about once a week,” Steve responded. “You get used to it.”

Eddie hoped that he’d be around these two long enough to get used to it, but maybe he was ahead of himself. They still had to plan a date. 

“Probably my fault,” Eddie said, shrugging. “For assuming you two were together.”

“Oh, that?” Steve asked, unfazed. “No, that happens all the time. It’s my fault for constantly forgetting that we look like a couple.”

“You really do,” Eddie replied with a smirk. “But it’s all cleared up now, right?”

“Right,” Steve agreed. He brought his hand back up to run through his hair. “And now we’re alone, so we just have to -”

“Hey, wait!” Eddie interrupted. He ran to the counter and grabbed Steve’s wrist, then pulled it down and turned it so the palm was facing up. There were splatters of ink smudged all over his hand. “Don’t want you to get this in your hair.”

“Oh, shit,” Steve said once he saw it. “Must have been from my little project this morning.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Eddie asked, coyly. “What were you working on?” Steve took his free hand and reached over the counter to grab the rose from Eddie, but Eddie pulled his hand away. “No way, you’re not getting this thing back.”

“You like it that much, huh?” Steve teased. He leaned back to standing again, then flipped his hair with a quick jerk of his neck, revealing more ink behind his ear. 

“Dude, you -” Eddie almost laughed, but wasn’t sure if they’d reached that point in their relationship yet. “You got some more right here.”

Eddie took his index finger and traced it where the spots were, then presented the blackened pad of his finger in front of Steve’s face. 

“Aw, shit,” Steve groaned, half annoyed and half amused. “Now you’re inked, too.”

“I think I’ll survive,” Eddie responded. He rolled his sleeves up to reveal his arms almost entirely covered in tattoos. “Not the first time, won’t be the last.” Steve followed the designs up Eddie’s skin, entranced, then nodded. 

“Okay,” Steve said, holding his hand up and away from everything around him to avoid spreading the black ink any more than he already had. “I’m gonna go to the sink in the back and take care of this, but I’ll text you in a bit and we can set something up, okay?”

“Sounds good,” Eddie agreed. He had to get going anyway, because he had an appointment coming up. Although, he was pretty sure it was some kind of prank call because the name was clearly fake. Dick Johnson. Yeah, okay. 

He walked back to Ink About It, still clutching the rose, but doing so delicately so as not to ruin it and/or get more ink on himself. 

Eddie was bluffing before. Sure, he was used to being around ink and getting tattooed, but he always wore gloves. It was a hassle to get the stuff off his skin generally, he just couldn’t help but tease Steve about it. Now, he looked like he just came from the police station and ran away before they could finish fingerprinting him. 

He could make that comparison because he may or may not have had experience being fingerprinted. 

He opened the door and saw Dick Johnson in the flesh - waiting eagerly with a grin.

“Munson!” he said, jumping up.

“Gareth!” Eddie greeted back, surprised. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“What do you think?” Gareth replied, walking over to Eddie to give him the kind of half-assed bro-hug that guys do. Eddie instinctively hid the rose behind his back as they embraced, then realized how stupid that was. 

“Sorry, I don’t know why I’m trying to hide this,” Eddie said, holding the rose up. 

“Yeah, why were you?” Gareth teased. 

“I dunno. It’s new.”

“Oh shiiiiiiit,” Gareth said, smiling. “Is Heart-Eyes Munson back?”

That was a joke from high school. Heart-Eyes Munson. Eddie didn’t tend to fall for people, but when he did, he fell hard.

“He works at the flower shop across the street,” he explained. 

“Well, that’s fucking cute,” Gareth noted. 

“Tell me about it,” Eddie said, rolling his eyes. He couldn’t believe how much he liked Steve already. “Well, Dick Johnson, I’m going to put this with the others and then we can get started.”

“Others?” Gareth asked, extremely amused. “This man has sent you others?”

“Shut up,” Eddie replied, biting his lip to keep from smirking. 

-

Steve underestimated how hard it was to get ink off of his skin. Seriously, he scrubbed his hand and neck raw and he could still see the dark splotches. 

Still worth it though, because he’d turned Eddie into a flower guy. Not only that, but their crushes on each other were officially out in the open, and a date was in their near future. 

Steve loved the dating part. Once he knew someone was interested, the rest was easy. He just had to figure out where he’d take Eddie first. He usually went for coffee, but he felt like they were past coffee. Maybe a drink at his favorite bar. Or, they could go to the park. Was that too gay?

Maybe. But also, they were gay. So it was on brand. 

Steve dried off his hands and neck (which were now bright red and therefore no less ridiculous-looking) and headed back out to the front counter to resume working on the pruning he’d been doing before Eddie came in. 

There was ink on the shears. God dammit. Back to the sink.

This time, he brought his phone and dialed Robin so he could talk to her, because this job was a whole lot better with her around, even just on the phone.

“You’re both idiots,” she answered.

“We know,” Steve replied. “It gets worse.”

“How? What did you do this time?”

“I got ink everywhere,” Steve admitted. 

“Jesus Christ,” Robin groaned. “Do I have to come in on my day off and fix it?”

“No, I can fix it. But you should come in on your day off to keep me company.” Robin chuckled in response. 

“You know what the worst part is?” she asked. “I already picked up my keys.”

-

“So, what are you in town for?” Eddie asked as he set up for Gareth’s tattoo.

“We’re playing at this bar downtown tonight. I was actually gonna ask if you were free to come see us?”

“Hell yeah!” Eddie replied with enthusiasm. “Even if I wasn’t free, I’d make time. I’m glad to hear you guys are still playing.”

“Yeah, we stumbled a bit after losing our star guitarist,” Gareth teased pointedly, “- but we got back on our feet eventually.”

“Sorry about that,” Eddie muttered. He’d left the band after graduation so he could skip town and get a fresh start. Abandoning Gareth and the others was the only thing that gave him any hesitation. He missed it, obviously, but he liked his new life. It was stable.

“Water under the bridge, my guy,” Gareth responded casually. Eddie knew there were no hard feelings, but he did regret losing touch with his old buddies from high school. “Anyway, you should bring Flower Boy tonight.”

“His name is Steve.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna call him Flower Boy,” Gareth smirked. Eddie put the needle to the skin, and felt Gareth twitch just a little. “I’d love to meet the man who turned my dear old friend into a total sap.”

“I’m not a sap, okay?” Eddie insisted. His focus remained on the sword he was outlining on Gareth’s forearm. “Fuck you, I’m tough as shit.” Gareth chuckled. 

“Right, my bad. Anyway, are you gonna bring him?”

“I dunno, I’d have to see if he’s free,” Eddie said with a shrug. “We also haven’t technically gone out yet.”

“Dude, seriously?” Gareth asked playfully. “Shit, now I really want to meet this guy.”

“Yeah, seriously,” Eddie chuckled. He knew how ridiculous this whole thing was. “I think he’s gonna plan something and then text me, I dunno.”

“Or,” Gareth suggested. “You could beat him to the punch and invite him to a kickass show at a bar.”

It wasn’t a bad idea, actually. They could drink, listen to music, and if the whole thing turned out to be a bad match then Eddie still got to see his old friends. 

“Okay, fine. I’ll text him as soon as I’m done with this,” Eddie said. 

“Cool,” Gareth replied. “Hey, you really wanna impress this guy?”

“Yeah.” 

“Hmm,” he said with a mischievous smile. “Then I think I have an idea.”

-

“Ummmmm you coulddddd….” Robin said as she sat on the counter. “Take him to that one-woman show that’s playing downtown.”

They’d been shooting date ideas back and forth for like an hour. They ran out of normal ideas after ten minutes, and since then it had gotten unhinged. 

“God Robin, if you want to know about that show so bad just go to it yourself,” Steve replied. 

“No, because what if I hate it?” she asked. “Who puts all that work into a show and then refuses to advertise what it’s about?”

“I think she’s banking on people going just to find out,” Steve answered. 

“Well, yeah,” Robin agreed. “But I’m not about to spend money to watch something cringy or boring or - god - what could one person have to talk about for that long?”

“You once talked to me for three hours about why the movie Pitch Perfect should have been gayer,” Steve reminded her. 

“Yeah, because Beca and Chloe were obviously in love,” Robin responded plainly. “And, for the record, two of those hours we were watching the movie.”

“Fair enough,” Steve replied with a smile. He remembered that night fondly, actually. He’d seen the movie before so it’s not like he was missing anything. Plus, wine was involved. 

“So, it’s a no on the one-woman show?” Robin teased. 

“No chance in hell,” Steve confirmed. His phone buzzed in his pocket, so he took it out and was happy to see a text from Eddie. He read it, intrigued. “Or, we could go see a band play at a bar downtown.”

“Did he text you just now?” Robin asked, jumping off the counter. “Oh my god!”

“Calm down or I’ll start freaking out, too!” Steve said as he opened the message and started responding. He and Robin had this thing where their emotions tended to mirror each other. When one got excited about something, so did the other. Some might call it codependency, but they’d had no issue with it so far. 

“Okay, so getting a drink with the guy sounds decent enough. Casual, fun, low-stress,” Robin reasoned. “You gonna go for it?”

“Yeah, I guess so. It’s tonight,” Steve said, typing a response. 

“Aw, well I’ll miss our movie night, but it’s not like we won’t see each other,” she joked. “Besides, this is important.”

“I already asked if you could come and he said yes,” Steve explained. 

“Oh, thank GOD,” Robin cheered. “Because you know I gotta see this.” She peered over to look at the text exchange between Steve and Eddie and then burst out laughing. 

“What?” Steve asked. She waited until her laughter died down to respond.

“He asks you out, and the first thing you do is make sure you can bring my gay ass,” she explained. “You are such a doofus, but god I love you so much.”

He finished out his shift and then they went home to get ready together for Steve’s first date with Eddie. 

Maybe in most situations it would have been weird, but at this point Eddie was well aware that he was getting into a package deal. 

Here goes nothing.

(part 5)

-----------------------------------

Check out my Masterlist!

@paintballkid711 @abraca-fxckyou @allbimyself26 @jellybabiesforall @allbymyselfexceptformycactus @justaloadofgarbage-blog @alliemunsonsstuff @undreamingscatworld @thefruityfours @hobbitnarwhal @calivanus @wreckmyplans-thatsmyman @antheia @goodolefashionedloverboi @lillemilly @missmagillicuddy @steviesbicrisis @gamerdano @menamesniall @eyeslikewildflowers111 @callmesirkay @stringischeese @eds-trashmouth @mnl-enuh @redfreckledwolf @itsanarrum @soulsofstarsliveinyourveins @stevesbipanic @momotonescreaming @aryakanojiaa @wrenisflying @comicmadlover @lilacrobin @itch-my-b0nez @anonymousbandgirl @disastardly @dangdirtydemons @daisyellsong @val-from-lawrence @starryeyedpoet17 @taikawaiteatea @clumsiluni @hollysimone @swimmingbirdrunningrock @witchofhawkins @steddiegarbage @suddenlyinlove @ricekristytreaty @eddielives1986 @bunnyweasley23 @thefailcollection @ppunkpuppyy @bestwifehaver @httpsphynx

#flowers and ink #steddie #steddie fic #writing #eddie munson #steve harrington #robin buckley #platonic stobin #st fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #modern day au #eddie munson x steve harrington

[distort-opia]

I think most of us here know that Joker loves Batman very much, but what do you think that really means to him, exactly? It seems like he doesn’t understand/process love in the traditional ways that most people do due to his sociopathic tendencies (ex. he’s excessively selfish, usually enjoys hurting Batman more than he enjoys helping him, and likely would not pursue a traditional romantic relationship with him even if that was an option because he prefers what they have now). However, it’s also obvious that Joker feels something very powerful in regards to Batman - something significant enough that it takes over his entire life and tears him apart on the inside. Do you think maybe Joker does feel love for Batman in a more traditional sense, and that he doesn’t know how to process loving someone who stands for everything he hates, so he deliberately forces wedges between them to keep his worldview intact? Do you think maybe he only understands love through a very sadomasochistic lens because of his fascination with violence and his need for conflict? Or do you think it’s a mix of those things - or something else entirely?

A very interesting question. I've been pondering this ask for a while, and to be honest, I think it's... complicated, hah. It's certainly more of a mix of what you're describing.

I would definitely agree Joker does not understand love in the classical sense. I believe the most accurate way to put it is that he feels something all-powerful, an inescapable draw towards Batman, which he's conflicted about. In his own words, in Batman (2016) #48:

God, here, is Batman. Because I do think this is one of the main reasons why Joker's behavior towards Bruce is what it is: hurtful. Metaphorically, Batman is both his and Bruce's religion, and the way they worship is through violence. Bruce by sacrificing himself to the Bat, and Joker by sacrificing others. (Bruce also equates Batman to God during the Cold Days arc, later on. The religious theme in King's Batman run sure is something.)

Can Joker love in the traditional sense? He was capable of it, once upon a time, but I don't know if that's the case anymore. I don't know if Joker can allow himself to love Bruce Wayne, and not just Batman. And not because he's fundamentally incapable of loving without violence, but because he associates any human part of himself with his past. And he's terrified of his own past. He's proven that he'd rather die than deal with his history, his humanity (as seen in Batman: Death of the Family). Loving the way a normal person would -- allowing himself to be kind, to be protective, to be happy -- is something that's not just foreign to his Joker identity, but it's also a threat to it.

The man Joker used to be survived suicide and continues surviving his despair by not being a person. He's turned himself into a monster, chose to fully lean into his psychopathic tendencies, so he feels free to call what he feels towards Batman love as long as his way of showing it is monstrous. But the inescapable draw, the way he's turned Batman into his reason for living, is still there; and here's where an aspect of punishment comes in, I think. Part of the love he feels for Batman isn't monstrous. It's empathy... Batman is the only other person he feels understands him. He's the only equal Joker can perceive in the world, and that's a human connection. He needs Batman to not feel alone, and that's something he hates himself and Batman for. And that's partly where the sadistic torturing of Bruce comes from, and especially of his Family. Joker hates that Bruce can connect with other people, when he only has Batman.

I could rant even more, but I just realized this is more or less a summary of chapter 15 of REMS :)) That's a pretty good indication of how I view Joker's love for Batman, if you're curious for more. The whole fic is "could Batman and Joker love like normal people??" meta in a trenchcoat, tbh.

#asks #batman #batman meta #joker #batjokes #batjokes meta #joker meta #suicide mention

[guardian-angle22]

Why did you rate "you exist too much" 1 star , i've been thinking about reading it

[reference to my February reads post here]

Hi! Hello! 👋

I’m gonna preface my answer by saying I would never discourage anyone from reading a book just because I didn’t enjoy it unless I felt there were harmful things in it, because books/art/literature can be so subjective and everyone's taste is different. I don’t think there’s anything outright harmful in this book (although I have seen some reviews say the way it deals with eating disorders is questionable but I’m not sure where I land on that tbh. I guess just be aware of that going in) so if you're really interested don't let my rating dissuade you.

so... warning for vague plot spoilers ahead I guess?

This is a book that suffers from the description not matching up with the contents, for me. I thought based off the summary I had read that it would delve way more into the mother/daughter relationship. I also thought it would deal more with the MC’s identity as a queer Palestinian woman and her confronting all of the above.

Instead it mainly focuses on this character getting in and out of many various relationships and doing questionable things including outright cheating throughout most of them, then spending a long time being sad and self righteous about being cheated on herself. She goes to a treatment facility for being addicted to love, essentially, because she recognizes she develops obsessions with people… but then we follow her leave and go about her life the same way as before as if none of that happened.

Despite the book title being a reference to a conversation between the MC and her mother, we got very little depth, insight, or scenes between the two. The romantic/sexual relationships far eclipsed any other potential plots, but at the same time none of those relationships were compelling or enjoyable to follow.

There’s a line towards the very end in which the author spells out for you exactly what they were trying to portray through the narrative by saying “I sent her another essay… about unattainable love as a quest for the familiar, a quest for home, for a homeland that may not exist. A quest for a mother.”

That is clearly what the story is supposed to represent and I simply did not find it to be successful in that. (I also found myself vaguely insulted as a reader that the author spelled that out on page, but that’s a personal gripe).

There were small slivers of moments in the book that dealt with those themes that originally attracted me to the novel, but they were so few and far between. I probably could’ve bumped it up to a 2 ⭐️ for those small moments, but I rated it pretty soon after finishing it. (Although I didn’t leave a rating at all on goodreads cause it just doesn’t feel good to rate books lowly on there so I’ve been tending to just not rate them entirely instead).

All that negativity aside, I’ve seen a lot of positive reviews and I think if you really enjoy books with insufferable unlikable main characters that span over years and maybe doesn’t have as much plot outside of relationships, you might enjoy this book. It’s also possible that you find its execution of themes more successful than I did.

#ask answered #guardian reads (sometimes) #negativity discourse all the bad words #didn’t think I’d use that tag for BOOKS but here we are 😭 #sorry if this got too long lol

[lussterpurge]

BOOM I figured I'll send the next one when I have a ton of songs... and now I have a ton of songs. So 1) Whatever it takes - imaginedragons M brain hardcore projects this on STEVEN of all people. I'm pretty sure if I tried I'll be able to get the vibes to qord, but as we've established I do not try. I specifically want to point out the bridge of the song. Alain and Ash also fit the song very well, but my brain refuses to consider anything other than Steven https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=cnRB2CgUpSw 2) Alive k-391 SPEAKING OF ASH, he would definitely sing this song if he sang songs. The chorus is literally just his entire worldview. He's singing this to Serena, Clemont, Alain, whoever you want. He owns this song https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=MiAYpRxXgH0 3) Question from Assassination Classroom ALAIN. It's literally just Alain. The english translation for one of the parts goes Yeah i get knocked down like this, everytime but what else can I do? /Your scathing serious voice cuts me like no one else ever could/ Thousands, tens of thousands of times, I've made my feelings clear/driven them in thrown them in but all you do is run Like. Look at me. Tell me this isn't him (you can't) https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=9oz-NhZOc0E 4) Unravel from Tokyo Ghoul Two anime songs? Sure, why not. I haven't listened to it in a bit but again, Alain vibes https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NMinvWBxmGs (I know its not yt music but I couldn't find a proper english ver on it) 5) Shelter - Porter Robinson Clemont time! Its kinda like Whatever it takes up above where we're not actually sure why, but like, its Clemont to me. Something about his relationship with Clembot and Meyer I think. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=5UZ4V16d8eU

This was an entire essay and I kept thinking of more songs as I wrote this so, I should probably make a playlist. But I don't enjoy doing that also being able to rant about the songs is fun. My brain has assigned you as the music person. At the very least, I hope you can vibe to these

OKAY. I had to write these as I listened to the songs cause I have like short term memory loss but as a quick summary YEAH. These are very accurate and gut wrenching as a matter of fact. So.

1- I’d already listened to this song, and tbh revisiting it was awesome af. For Steven the lyrics that caught my eye were “Never be enough, I’m the prodigal son. I was born to run, I was born for this.” So YES. Very Steven-core.

2- Considering Ash is VERY selfless, yes! The lyrics do talk a lot about taking chances even if you don’t know what might happen, and knowing Ash this fits him well. He’s all about taking chances and going crazy with it. So yes !

3- I really can’t tell you it isn’t about him because it is. Alain is also, very selfless, but all because in my head he needs the constant approval from those around him. (Especially Lysandre, during his Team Flare days). So YES.

4- (eye twitch eye twitch/pos) this is awesome. This is VERY ALAIN CODED. The particular line that talks about being unbreakable gives me a LOTT of Alain vibes ‘cause he really does want to believe that!

5- this one made me ill but like in a good way. VERY ACCURATE. The lyrics r super gut wrenching too (at least for me) but this is rlly messed up but in a good way. YES!

TY FOR THESE 🫶

#pokemon #pokemon xyz #tsme #alain for pokémon masters ex 2024

[lacrimosathedark]

Is rhato really not worth reading? :( Honestly I was interested because I wanted to see red hood jason run around with friends (also dog... That's so sweet I love that he had a pet) but I just saw ur post (thank u for it btw ur doing the good work, intense boost of serotonin from all the dog) and was wondering if all its faults are really egregious enough to make it unreadable? :0 hope ur having a good day!

Honestly, it depends on your tolerance and attachment to the characters.

I'm going to spoil a bunch of stuff so if you want my spoiler-free tl;dr: the second series might be worth it. Mileage may vary. The first is absolutely not--just read a summary. Recommendations for Jason reading in the last couple paragraphs of the post!

The first series centers around Jason, Roy Harper/Arsenal, and Koriand'r/Starfire.

The characterization isn't great. Jason gets dumbed down, makes some off-color jokes, and feels like he's just an "edgey protagonist". Basically a mouthpiece for Lobdell and Lobdell is a sack of shit.

The characterization of Roy Harper is...not great. It's not necessarily inaccurate, but it's honestly only accurate for early Roy Harper. Like, decades and decades of character regression. They also in New 52 changed his backstory like...a decent amount. Like, I think initially his Navajo heritage was removed? And then it was made that he might have accidentally killed his Navajo foster father while drunk??? It's yikes. They also changed his self-destructive weapon of choice from heroin to alcohol. And removed that he was pretty much fully recovered from addiction and actually spent a lot of time volunteering to help people struggling with addiction. It also very much removes how close he was with Dick Grayson. They grew up together, formed the Teen Titans together. They were tight. Dick actually helped Roy through a relapse, was one of the few who would help him. And the biggest issue? The lack of Lian. Lian caused a huge change in Roy's behavior. Before Lian, he was, tbh, a fuckboy. But pretty much as soon as he learned about his daughter, he single-mindedly tried to retrieve her from her mother and was the best father he could have possibly been while being a vigilante (ignoring Devin Grayson's Arsenal run where he let Lian play with guns wtf). Everything he did, even in part the people he saw, was connected to Lian. She was his entire world. And y'know what? Jason was present--as Robin!--when Roy learned he was a father. And that's never mentioned.

As for Kory, it is absolutely awful. They give her gnat-like memory and face-blindness and make her hypersexual. Kory has never been a prude, but she's also a romantic, not one to just sleep around, and they made her pretty much all about sex. It also changed her backstory and made her more...angry. Kory has always been a being of emotion and is prone to righteous rage, but she was never fueled by anger the way she could be in RHATO. It also almost completely--and this seems to be the trend!--erases her relationship with Dick Grayson! Which is probably her most important relationship period, just maybe edged out by her relationship with Raven or Donna. Barely. And she has completely forgotten all of them. It's incredibly dumb.

The New 52 as a whole, is godawful with a handful of exceptions. You're better off reading the summaries.

The second series swaps out those two for Artemis Grace of Bana-Mighdall and Bizarro Superman. It is overall marginally better...at first.

Artemis is also sexualized, and there ends up being a somewhat-forced romance between her and Jason. Could there be excellent chemistry between them? Yeah. But she suffers from "Men Writing What He Thinks is a Powerful Woman" Syndrome. She's not awful, though. She's wlw, very much in love with her deceased childhood best friend that she essentially had to kill because she lost her shit. She also does not take Jason's shit and it can occasionally be funny to watch them interact.

Bizzaro is incredibly difficult to fuck up. He's (initially) got toddler-level intellect. He speaks like a caveman. "Me am Bizzaro", y'know. Then he nearly dies and Lex Luthor manages to save him but he's temporarily a super-genius, which isn't...too bad. But then he's essentially made an addict to synthetic Kryptonite, which he literally bathes in like a Lazarus Pit like???? It's bad. And then when he finally stops being a genius, it gets worse. Like...ugh. But Jason's relationship with Bizzaro is actually sweet; it's compared to Jason being a big brother to him. He literally starts their relationship telling him everything's gonna be okay, and then buys him a stuffed Superman doll that Bizzaro names Pup Pup (mimicking Superman's "Up up and away" thing) and it's really cute.

Under the second RHATO run umbrella is Red Hood: Outlaw, which is Jason going solo for a bit. I wanna talk about that, but first I really need to talk about the ooc trauma conga line that came just before it.

So, Jason just found letters Ma Gunn had kept that Jason's dad had sent him from prison. It's a whole thing. But through this, Jason learns that his father was put away not for any of the awful shit he actually did, but as a fall guy for the Penguin. And Jason kinda...loses it. He hunts Penguin down, reveals his identity, and shoots him point blank in the face.

(Don't worry he got better)

But we all know how Bruce feels about people killing in his city. He has been allowing Jason to operate in Gotham, despite his general disapproval, so long as he doesn't kill anyone. And Jason almost killed the Penguin, and definitely tried to.

Bruce Wayne's parenting skills vary wildly between writers. Some people making him a loving and affectionate, if emotionally stunted, parent. Some make him emotionally and physically abusive. He has, admittedly, hit his children before. It varies widely enough that I think it equally valid to say he's a good parent or a bad parent due to your personal canon. But what happens here is out of character despite even that, because the one constant is he always loves them.

The Goddamn Batman hunts down Jason and very much brutalizes him. Like, punches him hard enough to break his helmet. Like, completely shattering the front of it so you can see Jay's whole fucking face. He's yelling about how if Jason left it would be his own choice and not Bruce's, and saying shit like "No more Red Hood!" and it's...disgusting. Really bad.

Jason manages to get away long enough to discover that his HQ is falling apart. It's kinda complicated, but basically to save them and entire Gotham block, Bizzaro drags their HQ into another dimension, and Artemis goes after him. So, Jason just lost two more good friends. (for note: he hasn't heard from Kory since RHATO, and he quite literally broke up with Roy at the end of Red Hood/Arsenal, "it's not you it's me" speech and all, and the most he's heard from him is second-hand from Waylon Jones aka Killer Croc who is his addiction recovery sponsor like????) And then Bruce does the thing where he appears behind you. And he proceeds to attack Jason again.

Out of nowhere a savior arrives: Roy Harper! He has a knockout gas arrow that knocks them out and carries Jason to safety.

He takes Jason back to the island they stayed with with Kory as Outlaws and helps with his recovery, and Roy lets Jason in on a drug trafficking case he's been working. Partway through, Roy goes separate ways from Jason because he's going to "superhero rehab". Jason teases him but is supportive, and they go separate ways.

And then Roy fucking dies at Sanctuary because Heroes in Crisis was even worse than RHATO!

You know who comes to tell Jason that Roy's dead?

Bruce.

Their whole interaction is actual fucking bullshit. Not because what is written itself is bad, but in the context of their last interaction it rings hollow and disgusting. They hug. Like??? That is so fucking tone deaf I can't even--

Jason just lost Ma Gunn (who's missing), Bizzaro, Artemis, Bruce, Gotham, and possibly the rest of his family. And then Roy on top of that who he has not one, but two series with establishing their closeness. And Roy died, as Jason says, somewhere he was supposed to be safe. He actually calls Roy's phone and leaves a message that starts with "Hey, it's me. Jaybird." This man pretended he hated that nickname; he once told Roy to "choose between Jaybird and your trachea. You can't have both." and like--fucking ow. Throughout the rest of RHATO, it is repeatedly brought up how effected Jason is by Roy's death.

(Which makes me even more mad when he comes back to life and doesn't fucking tell him like??? Fuck the people writing Roy rn let him go back to Gotham and find Jason and Lian I am begging)

But other than that, the earlier part of Red Hood: Outlaw is pretty good. Funny enough, the time that it's good is pretty much the duration of Dog's appearance. It's honestly coincidental, but she does make everything better. But Jason kind of does what he initially planned to do! He's practically running crime in Gotham from the Iceberg Lounge, which he stole from Penguin! He's a semi-legitimate business owner! And the art is still decent there, and damn, boy looks good in a suit.

After the departure of Jason from Gotham (and Dog from the comic :( ), is an era called Generation Outlaw. It's written sooooo bad. Jason accepts a teaching job from Lex Luthor to train the next generation of supervillains. Like??? The premise itself sucks.

The kids are worse.

First off, the art is ugly. Second, only two of them have actual names. The rest are only known by their "villain" names.

One of them is literally a genius baby and her zombie "mom". She has no actual name, just "Baby in Arms" and "Mombie". Dumb as shit.

What really gets under my skin is DNA. DNA is referred to as nonbinary. What's the problem? Well first of all, it keeps being brought up, like it's one of their 2 personality traits. The other? They literally identify as a multiplicity rather than a singularity. Like, they refer to themself as "we" and "us". This is first of all, annoying, and second of all, reinforces the trope of enbies being amorphous inhumans. I hate it and I hate them. (However at least Jason treats them with moderate respect unlike Roy who repeatedly misgenders Stitch in Titans Academy and god do I hate that characterization of Roy)

And it just goes further down the drain from there.

Honestly, if you want Jason content that's not Death in the Family, Lost Days, Hush, or Under the Hood, (cuz they're all old and technically a different continuity, sort of, it's complicated) Batman: Urban Legends is where to look, followed by Task Force Z (though maybe read the run-up to it which is in Detective Comics 1042 I think? there's a few issues). They both have pretty good grip on Jason's character. It reinforces his anger, his general emotional-ness, and his empathy. It also reinforces that he's intelligent, clever, and plays dirty. And it finally tries to address the distance between him and the Bat-Family, which is entirely Bruce's fault. And it makes his vow to not kill based on his own moral choice rather than appeasing Bruce! And it's not that he thinks killing is wrong, but that he's faced with the fact that even killing the scum of the earth can have innocent collateral. It's so good.

He's also in a few crossovers with his family, like when all the Robins show up in Robin to catch Damian, it's great. Robin as a series is pretty great actually. And before that I'm pretty sure he appears in Joker War. I think specifically in issues of Nightwing. Jason is also in Batman Secret Files: Clownhunter, and in the 2017 Talent Showcase has a story where he's training Duke Thomas.

Also if you don't mind Elseworlds, Wayne Family Adventures on Webtoon is honestly so good and it does Jason great justice. He is a dramatic bitch, a book nerd, makes jokes about his death while also demonstrating accurate trauma from dying, and due to the premise being essentially Slice of Life, he can have actual healthy relationships with his family and it's so cute. Also Alfred's there and alive which is always a bonus.

But yeah. RHATO is kinda yikes.

#Jason Todd #Red Hood #RHATO #I answered a thing #DC Comics

[darklight-owl]

3,5,7,10,11,16,22 and 13,you said 3 years but what has changed since nice then?

EEEEEE tysm for the ask!!

3.) any recurring images/elements?

I'm not really that good at using motifs tbh, but I have a lot of scattered feathers deliberately placed in a few scenes. Smoke as well, even though I haven't illustrated any of those yet. I'll leave the interpretation to the readers :]

5.) pick a theme song for the tv adaptation.

Laplace's Angel by Will Wood! (this has been the theme song from before my Will Wood phase started, it's just got very similar themes)

7.) how would you describe the relationships between the characters in the story within eight words or less?

Not friends, just people sharing the same pain.

10.) if your story is titled, why did you choose that title?

It was always going to be called after whatever I named the organization. I had this idea of a kind of cultish group of assassins who worshipped a god of hunting. Since all the characters are animals hunting is pretty much just murder in this world, after all. My placeholder name for it was Artemis' Children, but I wanted to create my own mythology since I know virtually nothing about irl myths. the name Ullyca (and Ramedin while we're on it) was a result of me mashing words together at 1am until it sounded right. (I think it sounds cool though)

11.) give a general summary of the plot/world/characters.

Set in a world populated by several species of anthropomorphic animals, a serval named Umbra finds herself covered in blood, a body at her feet. With no memory of what happened, yet desperate to keep her involvement in this event from coming to light, she winds up making a deal with an organization of hitmen known as the Children of Ullyca, and by the time she realizes she's in over her head, it's too late to turn back.

16.) imagine the entire story takes place but in the meantime the characters all also have tumblr. what kind of (terrible) tumblr posts would happen?

Ahhhahahaha yk I'm pretty sure Fier has a tumblr (if anyone in this series does it's them) but for the other ones I'm absolutely sure Amala would be blazing Umbra's vent posts all the time, Hadron would do nothing except rb the worst takes known to mankind, Rena would have a bait account and Uriel just uses his to promote his fanfiction. Not sure what Kan would use his for, but something tells me he keeps getting blocked because he never made a profile and everyone thinks he's a bot.

22.) you have been given unlimited funds to make two adaptations of some sort, however you cannot make any other adaptations of any other sort. which two formats do you choose?

Ohhhh this is a tough one. I've always thought CoU would make for a banger animated series but for the second adaptation? Maybe a novel. I would have really loved for it to be a novel (even if the comic medium does fit better)

13.) how long have you been working on this project? what has changed from the outset?

SO much has changed in the past three years. Hell, not even joking this thing started as a bunch of Beastars ocs until I realized they didn't have anything to do with Beastars anymore and I was just a furry. Now, aside from the anthros and the canniballism, they have absolutely nothing in common.

The architecture has changed, it used to be just normal human cities but somewhere between the original chapters and the Call to Action entry I changed the buildings to use more natural elements like trees and cliffsides. I still struggle with it (a lot) but I love how lively and a little wild it looks.

Some designs have also changed, the uniforms used to all be plain dark grey jumpsuits but now all of them have their own unique design for each character for different purposes (Kan's uniform has armor plates, Rena's is a wetsuit, etc.) Out of all the characters, Kan has changed the most physically. I didn't know how to make the "grizzled war veteran" look I wanted so he just kinda looked... weird. Also he didn't have any scars which I later realized was stupid, he's been an assassin for 20 years.

Speaking of characters, Umbra's character has changed a LOT. She used to be the definition of an edgelord, a cold hearted killer with no remorse. However that was boring as shit and I thought it would make for a more compelling story if she really didn't WANT to join the CoU but was pressured into it.

I used to post pages on Instagram (i know, ew) but I realized the story was very disorganized and stopped to work on the script. I'm remaking the first chapter bc my art has... definitely improved. This is 2021 vs. 2023:

I know they say don't redraw old pages but... I think you get why I started over in this case lol

#ask #ask game #mutuals #Jess / njess22194 #children of ullyca

[gyujeongfmd]

love languages — headcanon, playlist and aesthetic

summary — love love love, what’s it good for? absolutely nothing. yet, to gyujeong love remains something holy and sacred, he keeps close to his heart. it takes him quite a bit to reach this stage, but once he’s there he’s afloat. his person is his home, and the way he shows it is through his primary love languages: acts of service, and quality time. response to that is just as well the same as he requires the same amount he pours in or else the dissonance gets to him. playlist summary — gyujeong’s primary way of showing he loves / cares for someone beyond the scope of a friend is through a playlist. though he’ll make playlists for friends, those types are usually just copy and pastes of his most listened to music. however, for those he loves, he makes sure to take thought to craft a careful story in each of the playlists he creates. it’s by his nature he doesn’t want a response up front, but hopes that each person takes in the listen to read between the lines of what he can’t say sometimes. (maybe, he’s embarassed. or maybe, he just doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings). wc — 583

playlist:

1 볼빨간사춘기 — 처음부터 너와 나 / bol4 — you and i from the beginning 2. h.e.r ft. daniel caesar — best part 3. jesse barrera, michael carreon, albert posis — maybe we could be a thing 4. 적재 — 처음 사랑해 / jukjae — first love 5. 죠지 — everyday / george 6. post malone — i like you 7. 멜로망스 — 사랑인가봐 / melomance — love, maybe 8. 폴킴 — 있잖아 / paul kim — hey 9. 치즈 — 좋아해 / cheeze — i like you 10. 케이윌 — 오늘 부터 1일 / k. will — day 1

for context, i want to preface that gyujeong has no game at all. lmao, it’s non existent, and he’s terrible at dating. in fact, he’s only had one girlfriend in his whole entire life, and that started when he was young

thus, he continues to have no game and tbh in future scenarios, i only see him falling in love again in a situation where the person likes him first, and he doesn’t realize until the confession that what he feels is feelings more than just steady conversation (i hope that makes sense)

nonetheless, with his small sample size — gyujeong is still pretty much a rock solid lover

in terms of being whipped, he’s really whipped. he’ll tell people within their first conversation that he’s in a relationship, and to please respect that while also ensuring that he doesn’t cross boundaries with anyone aka: he will avoid people like the plague if he thinks that it would make his partner uncomfortable

his love languages are pretty simple — acts of service, and quality time together

acts of service constitute the majority where he’ll write handwritten letters, make playlists and take them out a few times a week (schedule allowing). the reason for the letters are because he’s technically not that good with words, and feels like when he has time to write up a draft and explain things concretely, he’s able to emphasize his words a bit better

similarly with playlists, he thinks the most intimate form of communication is through these playlists. not many people understand his music taste, nor does he share his suggestions often — so, having these playlists constitute of a lot of ballads, slow paced songs he wants to share with someone. aka: he’s a gatekeeper of music, but he’ll open his gates for his person

though, he doesn’t want to listen to the playlist together when he first gifts someone a mixtape. instead, what he wants is to plug earphones in their ears, and take a walk together without saying anything. he just wants to kind of bask in the silence by taking a silent walk while his partner is listening to the songs, and he just observes the reaction — odd tidbit, i know, but what’s gyu to do

and in regards to walks, he’s not really a superficial person in regards to having gifts or giving gifts. instead, what he wants most is to spend quality time? he thinks love should have that at the forefront of the foundation, and he wants to do nothing with his person. though he doesn’t cook often, he learns to cook because he thinks it’s nice to prepare a meal together or to bake a cake to celebrate 100 days together (ofc he’s only done this once, so yeah…. wishful thinking on his own part).

he just likes quality time whether that be lounging around in the house together, taking walks around hangang or just people watching in a cafe. he’s pretty low-matinenced in that he wants to make trivial? minor? memories with his significant other. sure, you can have big planned events but he thinks linking the day-to-day activities mean more than anything else

i guess you could say he’s a bit clingy? and for someone who doesn’t really like physical touch all that much, he does like hugging/holding hands/cuddling with his partner. he just likes having them around because at the end of the day, his version of how he shows and appreciates love comes down to that.

he’s a hopeless romantic who watches too much romance anime anyways lol

#노래 더 크게 — 음악 #정신나갔냐 — headcanon

[spade-club]

Mental health update of sorts. Heavy stuff under readmore!!

Summary: still upset about getting cheated on forever ago but I'll be okay

Guess who's self harming again!! Its meeeee~

Read through some texts between my partner and one of the guys they cheated on me with. Most of it was in person (fun fact: they were roommates at the time!) So it wasnt much of it but it was still fucking uncomfortable!! I dont feel bad for reading it. I think they gave up their privacy when they did what they did tbh. But I know I shouldnt have done that because now its so easy to picture and to get the day-nightmare scenes set just right.

Me doing this was prompted by seeing him in passing at the store today. He was just shopping with his kid. As if he wasnt the gross pathetic asshole he was in those texts. And here my partner is shopping with ME, as if they werent the avoidant cheating asshole they were in those texts. All while I still dont know shit about what really happened between them!!

I have to remember that most of the time I do still love them a lot. Its just really hard to believe that they just,, got better. That they realized they were in love with me and they'll never do this again. It feels like a line. They still willingly disrespected the O N E rule I gave them. With MULTIPLE people. All while trying to convince me that I dont ACTUALLY want them to tell me if they are having sex with other people (real thing they did!! I was telling them the whole entire time "i might be okay with you sleeping with someone else but you need to tell me as soon as possible" and they kept telling me that they didnt believe I wouldnt be cool with that (which I would have been!! Duh! Or I wouldnt have said it!!) All while still actively PLANNING on NEVER telling me they were talking to two other people!! And slept with one of them!!)

I know things are better lately between us. But I cant help but think theres such a thin line here keeping me from getting hurt again. I'm afraid of trusting it, and I'm tired of having to consider it. Always having to think about it. Every time they go out, having to ask what they're doing and if I'm not sent a picture from wherever they are I panic.

The girls (which is to say the other parts of me that consider themselves my partner's girlfriends) can talk forever about how happy and safe they feel in this relationship. Genuinely, they could all go on and on and on! I know I'm sticking around here for good reason (and not just because I can't afford rent on my own!) I think its important to remember the good things and what this is all for. I wouldnt struggle this much here if I didnt love them. They make me coffee every day and open doors for me and we laugh and make music and share our little hobbies and interests together and we have such cute little patterns & routines. We're a family and we're here for eachother. We cry together all the time. They've comforted me though some wild shit. We host our little parties and get togethers as a team! We spend pretty much all of our time together (not just because I'm afraid of leaving them alone but also) because we really truly love being around eachother.

I just wish we didnt have such a rocky start that 7 months later I still can't get over it. It kills me every day that things didnt turn out just a little bit different. I would have liked going my whole life without having to have experienced how shittily they handled that. But its too late for that now!! Gotta just keep moving forward I guess! Relapsing into hurting myself over this situation is, realistically, just a slip up. These happen. I'm still recovering. I am still going to be okay. Things will be better again!! I was just triggered today but things will be better again!!

Gonna go to bed now maybe... yeah... its weed and homestuck time until the Z's drop or whateverr. Goodnight everypony!

#-cass #apathy over the situation is washing over me #I. cannot summon the urgency to care any longer #《~*whoosh*~》

[chosonore]

infatuation

infatuation [noun. strong but not usually lasting feelings of love or attraction]

pairing: kamo choso/f!reader

summary: in a spurt of recklessness, you hire an escort to help you learn about relationships and intimacy. what you didn't expect was to fall in love with him along the way. [part of the kamo escorts collab]

wordcount: 23.3k

content/warnings: escorts au, slow burn, language, smut!!!, fluff, soft dom!choso, reader is very oblivious and painfully awkward, awkward firsts, dry humping, handjobs, oral sex (m + f receiving), fingering, uh somewhat public sex, loss of virginity, oral fixation, praise kink, lowercase is intended [VERY VERY UNEDITED]

a/n: hello here it is and finally done!!! i've been sitting at this for a week straight now and while i'm not super happy with it, it would've been a shame to just throw it out tbh. writing improvement is a slow progress after all! i'm dedicating this to @sukirichi who always hyped me up while i was writing this, happily welcomed me to the collab and who always supports my writing and i really appreciate it. thank you, from the bottom of my heart! (argh i have so many cut scenes that i ran out of space for dividers, sorry! hope the reading flow still makes sense though)

"that's what you were so worried about?" nobara looked at you incredulously, as if you grew two heads and asked for her firstborn. "you were scared that guys don't like you because you've never dated anyone?"

you let out an embarrassed whine, pushing at her arm in an attempt to get her to shut up. it wasn't your fault that she jumped to (multiple and very wrong) conclusions when you'd called her and maki, asking them to meet up so you could ask for advice. even maki looked mildly amused, patting your head apologetically. you were well aware of how ridiculous your issue sounds - the topic of dating had always made you anxious. you came from a very wealthy family that always sheltered and protected you from everything. you were their precious little girl after all; your father would rather drop dead than have you mingle with people who didn't treat you well and didn't deserve you. they meant well and it had never been an issue until you moved out to attend university (your parents had acted like you were leaving to travel the world and would never return, when really, you only moved two hours away from home).

even though nobara, maki and you had quickly become friends after you'd met at an event, you were wary to tell them about your background. it worried you, knowing how some people would treat you differently just to get on your good side and use you, so you opted to skirt around it as much as possible. it took you months until you opened up to them when you finally mustered up enough courage and trust to do so. they kept your secrets ever since, always protecting you and looking out for you. you were truly glad to be their friend. the two of them had grown suspicious when you kept declining their invites to join them for parties or to simply go to a bar and you were slowly starting to feel more and more guilty until you couldn't take it anymore and just confessed, asking them for advice.

"so that's why you're nervous even around inumaki," nobara concluded, propping her chin up in thought. "i didn't think your parents would be this protective. do they know that you want to start dating now?"

"no…" you confessed, fidgeting in your seat. "my dad, he um- he means well and usually has a good radar when he says that a guy doesn't deserve me. but i thought it was time to venture out on my own. it's good to have some experience, right?"

"i mean you're not wrong but i don't want you to be asking for advice simply because you feel pressured about dating since everyone else is doing it," maki retorted, giving you a concerned look.

you quickly shook your head. it wasn't that you felt pressured about not having any experience yet. you didn't necessarily want to admit to them that you were a hopeless romantic and liked the idea of being with someone; in the end, it was your own decision to venture. men made you nervous, you didn't know how to act around them and the thought of approaching a stranger by yourself was too scary. maybe it was a better idea to find someone to show you the ropes first, you felt embarrassed about your lack of knowledge and skills and - it wouldn't hurt to have some kind of dating training, right?

"i mean, technically, you could just ask one of the guys to take you out on a fake date. i'm sure megumi wouldn't mind," nobara was already pulling out her phone, making you grabbing her hand in panic and furiously shaking your head.

"i don't want to get them involved in this! it would make things pretty awkward and that's the last thing i would want. isn't there any other solution?" you explained quietly, playing with the hem of the dress. you felt bad for rejecting all their suggestions but you simply didn't want to be a burden to your other friends either.

"well," nobara and maki looked at each other grinning. "you could hire a fake boyfriend."

"really? you can hire tho-"

"escorts, y/n, escorts," nobara pushed her phone over to you, pointing on the screen. frowning, you read the little description. kamo escorts. you'd never thought about hiring someone, let alone knew enough about the topic. judging from nobara's face, she seemed to be well versed and it made you slightly suspicious.

"it's the easiest way for you and you have enough money to pay for their service. it's convenient, you can adjust it to your schedule and they'll send someone who fits your preferences. you choose the spot for your date and they'll make it happen, right? it's perfect and you don't have to worry about getting anyone involved," she explained, tapping at the bottom of the screen. "just give them a call, they'll walk you through the entire process. if you don't like it, you can find someone else or just abort mission."

"what do you mean they'll send someone who fits my preferences?" it did sound like an easy process, almost too easy. something was bound to go wrong, you could feel it. "i don't even know what my preferences are, so how could they possibly-"

"y/n, you might be blind but we are not," maki flicked your forehead playfully, she was more perceptive than you. "if you want, you can call them right now and we'll help you with the preferences, okay? maybe that'll ease your nerves a little."

"now?" you squeaked, eyes widening in horror. you weren't prepared at all; when you invited them over you were only planning to gather advice and then act on it.

"yeah! come on, it'll be fun and it's not like they can see your face," nobara grinned and was already dialing the number, moving away from you agilely before you could snatch the phone out of her hands. you wanted the earth to swallow you, why did they think that this was a good id-

"good evening, thank you for calling kamo escorts. my name is ijichi, how may i help you?" a male voice sounded from the phone, you instinctively dove behind the couch but maki was quicker and pulled you back with one fluid motion. curse her strength and speed.

"yes, hi, my friend here would like to hire an escort but she's too shy to do so, so we're helping her with the entire process. i hope you don't mind?"

"if it helps to ease the nerves, not at all."

nobars nudged you, holding the phone out. you pouted at her, shaking your head like a stubborn child. she rolled her eyes and pushed the phone into your hand forcefully, making you panic as you didn't want ijichi hearing your wrangling.

"um, yes, i- i'd like to hire someone but- ah nobara already mentioned that! it's for… for dates! i just need someone to go on dates with me."

"i see. is this a formal event?"

"n-no! i just need dating training of sorts, so casual is fine… if i do need to attend a formal event in the future, would that be a problem?"

"not at all, simply let us know when booking. our escorts are trained to be able to adapt to any situation and event, there is nothing you need to worry about, miss. do you have any specific preferences?"

"uh i-"

nobara leaned over your shoulder. "she prefers more mature guys! someone who's caring and attentive, someone who's not too outgoing and loud, it has to match her energy! since this is date training, there's probably going to be a lot of awkwardness so we'll need someone who is patient too. someone who can act like the best boyfriend to ever boyfriend. as for looks, i think she's fine with everything- although wait, maybe dark hair. yep, dark hair."

you couldn't believe her, she practically directed the entire call for you as if she'd made a plan beforehand, knowing that it would come to this. there was no doubt that she'd had this in mind, this was nobara after all. maki, on other hand, was watching you amused; she didn't usually engage in whatever shenanigans nobara was up to but she was always a bystander who very much enjoyed your reaction just now.

"miss, do you agree with the listed preferences?" ijichi asked after a moment of silence. you could hear him typing and occasionally scribbling on paper.

"yeah, yes, that's fine. is it possible to book him on weekends? i don't know if this is going to work out just yet so maybe once a week on fridays? i've never done this before so yeah."

"that is doable, yes. if you wish to engage in sexual relations, you may discuss it with your escort. these services come at an additional cost, of course."

"i don't-"

nobara interrupts you again, smirking at you cheekily. "it would be beneficial, so please take that into consideration when choosing the escort!"

"alright, thank you," ijichi went silent for a minute while he was organizing the files and schedules. "there are some possible candidates with whom i have to check with first. i will get back to you, should they agree to the job. after that we can exchange personal information and contacts so we can discuss the matter further."

"okay um. thank you, mr ijichi, i appreciate your help," you thanked him bashfully, giving him your number before thanking him again. you were already so deep in thought that you didn't even listen to his reply. now you've really gone and done it. were you crazy? what if your parents found out? they'd riot and be immensely disappointed in you. getting some dating experience through dating an escort, only nobara could ever come up with something like this.

"how do you feel?" maki inquired and rubbed your shoulders in concern, seeing how quiet you suddenly grew. weakly shrugging with your shoulders, you grasped the fabric of your shirt and nervously fiddled with it. the entire ordeal filled you with anxiety, a myriad of thoughts circling in your brain. it was the first time doing something "reckless" and it left you feeling nauseous.

"i'm not sure." you hesitated. "i'm curious to see how it goes but it just makes me really nervous. how do i act around him? and what if he finds me weird?"

"i don't think he's going to think you're weird just because you get nervous around guys. and besides, ijichi said he'd find the perfect guy for you, yeah? don't worry about it too much. if you don't feel comfortable after the first date, we'll figure something out."

"i guess so… um, but you guys don't mind accompanying me to it? just to make sure it's not some weird guy?" upon seeing your hopeful face, the two girls couldn't say no - of course not, you were their precious, innocent friend. as amusing as this situation was to them, they wanted nothing more than to support you and see you happy as well. you had already done a tiny step out of your little, sheltered world and much more was to come.

the ring of your phone nearly scared you to death, making you drop the book you were holding. quietly cursing, you picked it up and placed it on the table before answering the phone. who was even calling you at this time? everyone knew you were busy in the evening, slaving away on your assignments. it must be really important to interrupt your workflow like this- you almost dropped your phone in shock when you recognized ijichi's voice on the other side. admittedly, you forgot about the entire ordeal and didn't expect him to get back to you so soon. "good evening, ms y/n. i'm calling you regarding your inquiry so we can finalize all the details."

"u- uhm yes! thank you for calling!"

although ijichi was kind and patient, you were still nervous as you scribbled the details on a piece of paper. your escort's name was choso, he was a few years older than you and his schedule was very flexible. there wasn't more info, ijichi had announced that choso would call you as soon as possible. dread filled your stomach - it was nerve wracking to meet new people, not to mention someone you hired to be your fake boyfriend for the day. and now that you knew he was calling, all focus and concentration was thrown out the window. silently, you sat at the table and stared at your phone, waiting for the screen to light up. maki and nobara didn't need to know about this new development just yet as you wanted to navigate this on your own before telling them.

not too long after, your phone rang again, an unknown number flashing across the screen. it had to be him. even though you mentally prepared yourself for minutes, the anxiety came back full force. with trembling hands, you picked up, holding your breath as you waited for an answer. a deep, rather dulcet voice greeted you from the other side. you liked the sound of his voice, it almost put you at ease if it wasn't for your mind that constantly reminded you what was going on. you hastily introduced yourself to him and told him why you were requesting his services. the entire time, he was silent and let you speak - although you appreciated that he didn't interrupt you, every second that was passed in silence agonized you.

"hello y/n, my name is choso and i'll be your escort for the time being. ijichi told me you were looking for someone to pose as your fake boyfriend?"

"ah, uh yes sort of! i don't… have any experience when it comes to boyfriends and that kind of stuff. and i- i just wanted to learn what it's like to d- date and- and," your voice got smaller and smaller, until it was a mere whisper that was filled with all kinds of embarrassment that you felt. you couldn't help it, hopefully choso was still able to decipher what you were explaining. "you know, k- kissing and all that stuff. i've never done it with anyone before."

"i see," choso paused for a second, making your heart race. "i can't say i've had this situation before but i'm confident in my skills to guide you through this. before we first meet, let's set some boundaries so you feel comfortable at all times, okay?"

you hummed and nodded, although he couldn't see you over the phone. choso sounded like what nobara had described your ideal type - ijichi really had delivered and chosen the best possible match. choso knew what to say and how to steer the conversation in such a way that it didn't make you feel helpless or anxious. and you, in turn, felt like you could trust him with this issue.

"y- yes! uhm when i first called ijichi, a friend of mine helped me with the process and requested someone who was comfortable with sexual relations but… uh, to be honest, i never thought of requesting them. i'm not entirely sure if i want to do it either… i want to approach this in a slow manner, as slow as possible."

"alright, i can work with that. as for our first meeting, have you picked a time and location?"

you sighed in relief. choso seemed like a really nice and understanding person, leaving most of the options up to you. you knew it was part of his job but it felt nice to know that he was so forthcoming and accommodating. for the first date, you’d chosen a nice restaurant that had good reviews and little private booths. even though there was no way your father would ever magically appear and find out about your escapades, you were still trying to be secretive and cautious. the restaurant was situated in a widespread estate with beautiful gardens, the perfect spot to take stroll after dinner. in all the romance books you’d consumed, these type of dates seemed to be very popular - you thought to yourself why not? as you discussed your plans with him, you briefly wondered what he looked like. it felt weird asking him about it and you'd meet him soon anyways. maybe he looked like what you thought his personality was - like a prince charming? the prince that your dad had always assured you would come along. a small giggle left your lips at the thought of it; it was silly to believe it would turn out to be the love of your life. though it made you giddy thinking of your prince charming.

“is everything okay?”

“ah sorry, everything’s fine! i just had a silly thought a moment ago, that’s all,” reassuring choso quickly, you rubbed your cheeks in embarrassment. he must’ve thought that you were going crazy. “anyways, thank you for um, everything. i feel more comfortable now that i’ve discussed the details with you, thank you for being so patient. i look forward to meeting you!”

on the other end, choso hesitated, startled by your sudden enthusiasm when you were rather shy and timid before. it seemed that you were willing to open up a little more. he was curious himself, never having dealt with such a case before. usually, only experienced people who were looking for eye candy to accompany them to fancy events would hire him. he couldn’t imagine what you were like before meeting - it was nicer to get to know you in person after all, for the sake of a date setting. still, how were you able to afford the services? considering you were most likely a college student, he couldn’t fathom what lengths you went just to gain some experience. though he supposed, he shouldn’t judge you too quickly.

“i look forward to meeting you as well. see you on saturday, y/n.”

for hours you’d gone back and forth between outfits - casual? or more cute? maybe a mix of both? maki wasn’t much of a help either, mostly just giving you a thumbs up for every outfit while nobara had something to criticize about every outfit. you sighed, tossing yet another shirt onto the heaping pile of clothes. it was hard trying to impress someone that you didn’t know. the last item on your list was a simple, flowy dress and it seemed to be the best fit. you didn’t want to agonize over the choices any longer, seeing that the date was inching closer and closer. maki looked like she was bored out of her mind as well, scrolling through her phone as she was lounging on your couch with nobara. “are you sure you’ll be fine?” maki questioned you again. she was relieved about your good mood, how you were less apprehensive about the entire ordeal. when you first told them about choso after the phone call, you sounded slightly excited and were gushing about how nice he had been. you were hopeful that you could learn a lot from him. however, maki couldn’t help but worry about you, constantly making sure you were feeling okay.

“i’m sure i’ll be fine, don’t worry! we agreed to just have dinner today and let me test the waters… we’re really just doing whatever i feel comfortable doing for now,” you explained to the two of them, smoothing out the dress before grabbing your bag. “so yeah, i’m ready, i think. i mean if anything was to happen, i’ll let you know right away. i really have to go now though, you guys coming?”

nobara made a noise of protest, not wanting to get up from your bed which promptly earned her a nudge from maki. you giggled at your friend’s antics, grasping her arm to pull her up. as lighthearted and happy as you acted, you tried to hide your nervousness in front of your friends. worrying them did no good. as the three of you made your way to the restaurant, you checked your phone to see a text message from choso who asked to meet you in front of the building. you agreed, telling him that you would be there soon. the phone pinged again, choso had sent you a simple smiley. it made you grin a little, earning a suggestive glance from nobara whom you gently shoved.

"text us if anything happens, yeah? we can also pick you up afterwards so don't worry about it," maki reminded you again as you rounded the corner of the street, stopping mere meters in front of the restaurant so you could say goodbye to them. again, you reassured them that you would do as they suggested. you would be fine, because after all, choso was a professional. waving at your friends’ retreating figures, you slowly walked towards the entrance and let your eyes wander. the streets were busy, you couldn’t immediately make out anyone who was waiting in front of the restaurant. not that you really knew what choso looked like, you just hoped your search wouldn’t get more difficult with people waiting in the front. glancing at your reflection on the windows of a parking car, you made sure that you looked presentable and approachable.

“y/n?” your soul nearly left your body as you got startled by a deep voice behind you, now suddenly being aware of the figure behind you. whirling around, you almost hit the other person with your small bag with the swing. your eyes widened and you apologized profusely, fussing around to make sure the person was okay until you paused. wait a minute. this person knew your name. abruptly leaning back so you could look at the person’s face - they were very, very tall - you incredulously stared at them before spluttering: “c- choso? you’re choso?”

the taller male nodded, gently grasping your shoulders to steady you. on your bare skin, his hands felt scalding hot, making you painfully aware of how close you stood to each other. choso, for a lack of better terms, looked nothing like you’d expected but you couldn’t complain. he was attractive, very much so. he almost fit into the bad boy category, the type of men your dad would never let you close to. you felt inexplicably drawn to choso, like a moth to flames and you just couldn’t look away. he stared back at you, dark eyes glinting with concern as he took in your form. as your voice had suggested, you appeared to be a rather shy and timid person, looking at him like a deer in headlights. choso thought you were adorable, the way you were holding onto the sleeves of his shirt to not fall.

“i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to hit you! you just really scared me there,” you apologized again, letting go of the fabric in embarrassment. luckily, he didn’t seem to mind, patiently waiting until you were composed again.

“don’t worry about it, i’m okay. it’s nice to finally meet you. should we head inside?” he offered you his arm which you gratefully took and followed him inside. truth to be told, you were starstruck by him, still too flabbergasted to say another word. thankfully, choso had picked up on your speechlessness, silently chuckling to himself as he led you to your private booth. you sat across from him, quietly thanking the waiter as he handed you the menu. eyes flitting back and forth between it and choso, you fiddled with the hem of your dress. what would you even talk about? you felt awkward, not knowing what to ask him; your confidence had suddenly vanished with the earlier incident.

“you look like you’re about to faint,” choso teased you, giving you a cheeky smile. “i’m not gonna bite you, i promise. i’m supposed to be your fake boyfriend, right? ask me whatever you want, just act like we’re good friends. it’ll get better with time.”

you nodded eagerly, face heating up at the mention of boyfriends. how does one even act around them without prior experience? let’s not dwell on it for too long, you thought to yourself. fidgeting on your seat, you pointed at the menu. "do you already know what you'll be getting? a lot of people online recommended their signature dish so i thought we could try it… but all of their dishes sound really good!"

“how about we order different dishes and try from each other then?” choso suggested in response, amusedly watching how your eyes lit up at his idea. you nodded quickly, delving back into the menu to find your desired dish. glancing over to his side to see what he was looking at, you then pushed your menu over to him, pointing at the dish you would be ordering. choso nodded in understanding, skimming the pages until he found a dish that complimented it. not wanting to let you wait any longer, he gave the waiter a sign, ordering for the two of you. across of him, you stayed quiet, still contemplating what to ask him.

“feel free to ask me anything,” choso reminded you again, propping his chin on his hand and leaned closer to you. “when you first get to know someone, dates are really just to spend time with each other and getting to know the other person. if there’s something you two have in common, you’ll just go from there and bond over it, yeah?”

humming in thought, you nodded and looked up at him. “so uhm… what do you like to do in your free time? i’m still in uni, so i spend most of my days studying. but i really like reading when i’m free and i also volunteer at an animal shelter. the pets there make me really happy!”

“my job takes up the majority of my time, so i try to spend time with family and friends as much as possible. my younger brother has gotten me into surfing and paddle boarding, i really enjoy doing that. what do you study, if i may ask?”

“i want to become a veterinarian in the future! it’s been my dream ever since i was younger, so yeah… you said you have a younger brother? i have an older sister but we don’t have much in common since she’s a lot older than me. but um surfing! so you spend a lot of time at the beach, right? i haven’t been there in a long time.”

“if you still wish to continue after today’s date, we could go to the beach next time? i can teach you, it’s not that difficult.”

surprised, your eyes widened at his suggestion. he seemed to be confident that there would be a next time and you couldn’t even deny that possibility. so far, you were easing into the conversation more and more - the process was more natural than the whole setting suggested. though he still made you nervous, he had been nothing but respectful of your space and friendly. not to mention that you were attracted to him as well; if you hadn’t hired him, you could imagine actually getting close to him.

"i- i'd love that." as you told him more about yourself and listened to his stories, you didn’t notice how much time had passed until the waiter suddenly appeared in front of you, presenting you the dishes. your mouth was watering at the sight of the delicious dishes, you couldn’t wait to dig in. quickly thanking the waiter, you then took a bite from the dish after he left. you sighed in satisfaction, taking your time to properly taste the first bite.

“this is so good, you need to try it!” you gushed, pushing your plate closer to the middle of the table. choso chuckled, sharing his plate with you as well. as you took in all the side dishes, he'd already taken it upon himself to pick up a smaller piece with his chopsticks, nudging it towards you. you looked at him confused, then back at the small piece of food. was he trying to-? carefully, you leaned in and let him feed you, confusion and hesitation immediately melting at the taste. the food made you happy, but the unusual intimacy and closeness that he just showed you wasn't lost in between the myriad emotions.

as you had dinner, the previous conversation continued. choso was a few years older than you, has been working in this industry for two years now and preferred coffee over tea. he disliked early mornings and liked to sleep in until noon. his most precious and valued object was a polaroid camera, he wanted to have photos commemorating important occasions or moments that were special to him. all these little details made you feel like he was less of an escort that you'd hired but more of a friend. much to your surprise, the conversation ran smoothly and there were no awkward, silent gaps. you supposed it was only natural; you felt comfortable with him so it was easy to talk. had it been any other guy who didn't understand you or your intentions so well, you probably would've closed up.

"do you want to take a stroll around the estate? i heard the gardens are really beautiful," you asked choso, a hopeful glint in your eyes. dinner was finished long ago, silence filled with light conversation and teasing from choso’s side. you weren’t sure where to go from this or how to suggest being… more intimate. choso had suggested you would go slow - but how slow was too slow? and if you were to go with the flow, when would be the right time?

“i would love to,” choso’s reply pulled you out of your thoughts, focusing your attention back to him. lost in your thoughts, you nodded and called a waitress over to pay the bill. you felt choso’s gaze on you, making you queasy. what did he think of you? or this entire ordeal? you wondered. as he stood up and moved behind you, you nearly jumped out of your skin when he placed his hand on the small of your back, guiding you out of the restaurant. the touch was unfamiliar, heavy and scalding even through your clothes, but not unwelcome. a strange feeling welled up in your chest, crawling its way up your throat, constricting it in such a way that it distracted you from coherent thoughts.

seeming to notice your conflict, choso stepped to the side, offering you his hand. you glanced at it, hesitating. “boyfriend experience, remember?” he grinned at you, patiently waiting until you took his hand. his hand was much bigger, almost entirely engulfing yours as you intertwined your fingers. gently swinging your arms back and forth with the flow, choso lead the way through the paths of the garden. having looked forward to it, you suddenly found yourself too distracted by him. the flowers and trees were beautiful and so were the statues but he was the one that caught your attention.

“my hands aren’t sweaty, are they?” you asked after a moment of silence, stopping to face choso. he laughed and shook his head, flicking your forehead gently.

“stop worrying about things too much, you’ll be fine. you don’t see me complaining, do you?”

“i mean that’s true… but i can’t help it! there’s just a lot to uh, think about…” your voice trailed off, you let his hand go to cover your face in embarrassment. choso inched closer to you, grasping your hands to pry them off your face. remaining stubborn, you pulled them back in, a giggle breaking from your lips when he tried again, playfully pinching your cheeks.

“want me to take your mind off said things?” he asked with a low voice, inching in further until your back hit a tree trunk behind you. he was so close, too too close. weakly, you pushed at his chest, trying to get him to back off. the sudden closeness that threw you off - your heart was racing at a million miles an hour, the endless possibilities dancing around your head. “how so?” your voice came out quiet and breathless, as if you were anticipating anything, something… his touch perhaps?

“do you feel comfortable with me?” without hesitating, you nodded in agreement. choso didn’t question you any further, simply gave you a knowing smile before diving in and pressing his lips against yours. instinctively, you stiffened, hands clenching around the fabric of choso’s shirt. breath caught up in your throat, you struggled to ease into it. you pulled away from him, squeezing your eyes shut in shame.

“i’m sorry that-”

“don’t apologize,” choso comforted you quickly, clasping your hands in his and intertwining them. thumbs gently rubbing the back of your hands, he lifted one of them to press a kiss against your knuckles. you blinked perplexed; your heart fluttered at the gesture. “don’t overthink it, there’s no science to it, yeah? just follow the flow, whatever feels good. we’ll go from there.”

giving you a moment to collect yourself, he leaned back in, silently waiting for permission. again, your breath hitched but this time, it wasn’t the nervousness. it was his eyes that drew you in, demanding all of your attention. dark, with unknown depths, that glimmered with mischief. ever so slightly, you tilted your head up to meet his lips. his warm lips pressed against yours, slowly testing the waters and letting you set the pace before deepening the kiss. now less hesitant, you kissed him back with more fervour, losing yourself in the feeling. it felt awkward and strange now that you let him guide you, leaving more space for you to ponder about the feeling that it evoked inside of you. you were glad he was holding your hands, otherwise you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself. the kiss brought forth a pleasant, tingling feeling - the sort of feeling that pulled you in, lulling you in warmth.

when choso pulled away, you almost mewled in disappointment, chasing after him. he let out a breathy laugh, cupping your cheek. “how did that feel? was it okay?”

“y- yeah, i liked it. felt very strange at first but once i was able to ease into it, it was… more natural and felt really good,” you explained to him shyly, leaning into his hand. longingly, you gazed at him. would it be weird to ask for another kiss? you wanted explore the feelings more, the intimacy of it, wanted to feel more of him. as if sensing that you were craving more, choso leaned in again, stopping a few centimeters in front of your face. with a sudden surge of boldness, you closed the distance between you, leaning up to kiss him. choso's arm snaked around your waist, pressing you closer to his body. gradually your body felt hotter, a dull ache accompanying it, spreading across the expanse of your stomach.

before you could act on the urge, choso pulled away again, pressing an apologetic kiss to the corner of your lips. "sorry, i don't want to get too carried away and we're… uh in public," he laughed at your horrified expression upon realizing your mistake. "i take it that you're still comfortable with this? do let me know if it gets too overwhelming for you.”

“n- no, it’s fine! it was uh, an interesting insight. i just wasn’t expecting to really get into this, considering- considering i hired you for this and don’t really know you.”

choso hummed in agreement. “i guess there has to be at least a smidge of attraction for it to work, yeah?” you looked at him stunned, trying to decipher the look in his eyes. you couldn’t place it; couldn’t place the feeling of longing that was emerging in you. when he looked at you like that, it was difficult to remind yourself that he was just an escort that you hired for your personal problems. when he looked at you like that, it filled you with warmth, making you want to pretend that he really cared about you as if you were in a relationship.

“yeah… yeah, i guess so.”

nervously, you were twiddling with your phone, contemplating whether to text choso or not. after the last “date”, you felt confident enough in continuing your… relationship of sorts. he was great at guiding you, always making sure you were comfortable and moving at your pace. you did let him know that you would book another session, you just hadn’t set up a date or time yet. and casually texting him felt awkward. hey, how’s your day? oh by the way, i wanna book another session so we can make out haha? maybe calling was a better idea. there was no plan ahead, never did you think you would even get this far.

the dial tone made you nervous. you chewed on your bottom lip as you waited for him to pick up, bouncing your leg up and down. maybe he was busy? it was early in the afternoon after all, he was probably already out with other clients. “hello? y/n?” choso sounded groggy, his voice raspy and deep as if he’d just gotten up. it sent electric shocks right down your spine, raising goosebumps across your skin. never had you thought about a man’s morning voice before, but choso had you wondering, imagining. you spluttered: “oh hey uh are you busy? i’m not interrupting you with something, am i?”

“not at all, i just got up,” choso admitted with a quiet chuckle. “everything okay? are you calling in for another appointment?”

“ah, yeah! i thought that we worked quite well and there’s still a few more things i want to learn with you, if you’re up for it? if you’re comfortable with it too, of course!”

“mhmm, i wouldn’t mind,” choso pondered from the other side. sounds of rustling and a few clangs resounded before you could clearly hear his voice again. you were glad that he agreed to it, meaning that you weren’t entirely… hopeless in that department. for days, his words were ghosting around in your head, a constant reminder that he seemed to find you attractive as well. not that he showed it, staying professional despite the nature of your relationship. it was nice to imagine that someone would look at you like that, at your shy and timid self.

choso was meticulous about his work, working on every detail and concern until he was satisfied. even though he looked so easy going, from time to time he had to admit that he was a perfectionist and easily frustrated when something didn't go the way he expected. so when you rolled around, so innocently asking for help, it threw him off. the feelings of confusion grew when he first met you, unable to pinpoint the origin of this urge, possessive and demanding, reaching its tendrils out to you. the way you reached out to him for help, the fact that you wanted to continue, wanted him to teach you. it thrilled him to the core when it really should not. he had to remain professional. but he was curious, so curious. indulging a little wouldn't hurt, right?

to choso's surprise, the next venue you'd chosen was the own comfort of your home. you were barely acquaintances, more like strangers, and yet you felt confident to invite him here. at the phone you had told him that your friends thought you had weird ideas about dates due to only seeing glorified versions of them on tv shows and movies. it embarrassed you enough to take their advice, inviting choso over for a movie night as opposed to visiting another fancy venue with him. prior to the date, you went through movie suggestions and rented the ones that you thought were interesting and enjoyable for the two of you. despite your put together attire and look, your apartment did not reflect the sentiment. it was a little chaotic; books and paper stacking up in every free corner of the apartment, pens strewn across surfaces and here and there choso could spot memorabilia and photos.

you gave choso an apologetic look when you let him in. despite your best efforts to clean up, you were still not happy with the outcome. tidying wasn't your strong suit but you tried to make it as accommodating as possible. choso assured you that he didn't mind at all, telling you that it added to the charm of the apartment. it was unusual to have someone other than your friends or family in the apartment - your home was your sacred space that you rarely ever showed anyone else, let alone someone you had hired. choso took a seat on the couch, turning to look at you as you went to grab some glasses and drinks.

"i uh, told my friends about my plans and they just told me i have weird expectations of dates," you explained choso, placing the items you'd grabbed on the coffee table and rubbed the back of your neck sheepishly. "they said it would probably just be better to have a simple movie night since a lot of people do that. and it would… make things a lot easier i- if we go fu- further…" the implication was hanging in the air, you didn't dare to speak them out. choso gave you a knowing smile, patting the empty space beside him. gingerly, you sat next to him, squeaking in surprise when he snaked an arm around your waist and pulled you to his side. with wide eyes, you stared at him, still trying to wrap your head around the casual close proximity with the taller male.

wordlessly, you started a random movie, trying to focus on it. throughout the duration of it, choso would ask you questions about your day, how uni was going or whether you felt comfortable. you couldn't focus, not with him being so close. how you made it through the first movie you didn't know. you were hyper aware of choso's wandering hands, the ghost touches his fingers left, how he absentmindedly rubbed your legs that were resting on his lap. straining to keep your eyes on the screen, your neck already felt stiff from the tension.

"i can tell that you're distracted, you know?" choso hummed, hands squeezing your legs gently to catch your attention. pretending to not be affected by it, you shook your head. you didn't want to show him that you wanted to proceed, not yet.

"i'm trying to concentrate," you shushed him quietly, playfully pushing at his arm but still not looking over to him. silence. you assumed you'd convinced him that there was nothing wrong until you felt his hands innocently move a little higher, rubbing the top of your thighs. clenching your fists, you stayed put, unwavering in your resolve. choso's hands wandered, alternating between featherlight touches to using more pressure. he kept his eyes on you, gauging your reactions to him. you brought your hand up to cover half of your face. it was embarrassing, the way your breath came out laboured in response. without warning, arms were hooked under your knees, dragging you across the couch and seated you on his lap. you made a noise in protest, now finally paying attention to him. choso wasn’t sure why but it had bothered him that you were so adamant on keeping your attention on the movie as opposed to keeping your eyes on him.

choso wasn’t sure why but he craved your attention, wanted you to look at him only. his resolve crumbled when you looked at him with wide eyes, grasping the sleeves of his shirt to steady yourself. he couldn’t help but kiss you, swallowing your surprised mewl before you returned the kiss. pleased at your eagerness, he gradually deepened the kiss, licking at the seams of your lips. you gasp in surprise and parted your lips slightly, whimpering in anticipation. it felt unfamiliar and yet thrilling at the same time, fueling and flaring up the dull ache in the pit of your stomach. before choso could go any further, you pulled away and hid your face in the crook of his neck. “what’s wrong? did i go too far?” he questioned concerned, rubbing your back in soothing circles.

“no, no, not at all,” reassuring him quickly, you awkwardly turned in his lap, legs still thrown over it. “i uh just wanted to try to take initiative myself, figure things out without getting hints from you… if that’s okay?”

a sigh of relief left choso’s lips. silently, he gave you his approval and leaned back, watching as you shuffled clumsily. finally, you straddled his lap and placed your hands on his chest. in the dim light, you couldn’t make out his face expression - choso was glad that you couldn’t, otherwise you would have been able to see how much it was affecting him, how he was slowly losing his composure and control around you. but this was about you, he was there to help you explore this type of intimacy. releasing another shaky breath, you then leaned in and softly kissed him. you kept a languid tempo, slowly and surely cracking his restraint. trying to mirror what he’d done earlier, you pushed further, timidly licking into his mouth as he parted his lips.

seemingly not being able to hold back anymore, choso pushed against you with equally as much fervour, gripping your chin and tilting your head ever so slightly. his lips moved against yours, sucking your bottom lip, eliciting a whimper from you. again the ache in the pit of your stomach was flaring up, uncomfortable and yearning for relief; you moved against his lap, pressing your body against his when your crotch dragged against the bulge in his jeans. choso groaned, hands flying to grasp your hips and steady you.

dazed, you gave him a confused look. choso cleared his throat, lifting his hips ever so slightly so you could feel his arousal again. when the realization hit you, your face heated up - you were surprised to find out that he felt aroused… by you.

“oh.”

“yeah.” choso retorted dryly, hands rubbing at his face in embarrassment. “fuck, i’m so sorry. it wasn’t meant to get out of hand like this, i don’t know how far you planned ahead for today but i-”

“uhm if you don’t mind…” you hesitated. but curiosity simply got the better of you, you wanted to see him breathless and feel as hot and bothered as you did. “could i uhm. you know? give you a handjob? only if you don’t mind because i want to know how to please uhm, please people.”

choso swore under his breath. you had no idea how painfully hard you were making him. quietly encouraging you, he leaned in to kiss you again and guided your hands to his jeans. you fumbled with the button and zipper, hands trembling slightly. it took you a few tries until you were finally able to unzip his pants, a giggle left your lips at the thought of how clumsy you were. your hands gently rubbed at the tent in his boxers, breath hitching as choso’s hips jerked. gaining some courage, you slightly put on more pressure and watched fascinated when choso’s fingers digged into the fleshy skin of your hips in anticipation. slowly, you pulled the waistband of his boxers down until it revealed his cock. choso hissed at the cold air that was biting at his skin.

carefully, you wrapped your hand around the shaft, marvelling at how the skin felt on your hands. sensing your cluelessness, choso wrapped his larger hand around yours and guided you into a slow rhythm to get you used to the movement. sucking in a deep breath between his teeth, he praised you: “you’re doing good, y/n. fuck, you’re being such a good girl.”

your heart soared at the praise. eagerly, you leaned up to kiss him, still stroking him in slow movements. choso moaned against your lips, the deep sound spurring you on, eager to hear more of his reactions. when you finally felt more comfortable continuing on your own, choso pulled his hands away and instead settled them on the small of your back, sliding them down until they were resting on your bum. you wrapped your other hand around him as well and paid attention to his reactions, adjusting the pressure and pace accordingly. choso buried his face in the crook of your neck, whispering sweet praises in between his moans. eventually your name left his lips; it set your entire body in flames, desperate want clinging onto your bones.

“fuck, i’m close,” he groans against the skin of your neck, hips rutting up to meet your movements more frantically now. you weren’t entirely sure what to do, opting to simply match the pace. shudders wrecked through choso’s body as he came, warm cum painting your small hands and running down your fingers. he was panting, leaning back against the couch and watching you with hooded eyes. the sight in front of you stirred something inside of you - choso’s flushed face, the slight sheen of sweat on his skin, his kiss-bitten lips. with curiosity, you inspected the liquid on your hand. lazily, choso grasped your wrist, holding them away from you. “‘m sorry. do you have a tissue?”

you tilted your head, tugging on the sleeves of his sweater with your other hand. “uh i- i’ve heard from others… um. can i try?” you asked quietly. choso’s grip on your wrist weakened; he gave you an incredulous look, as if you few two heads. out of all things, he didn’t expect you to suggest that. fuck, he felt the blood rushing right back down to his cock. just the thought of you, doing that - it was enough to make him cum again. “go ahead, if you feel like it,” choso whispered in a low voice. dark urges overcame him again, begging him to give in, to make you bend to his will, to submit, to-

his thoughts came to a screeching halt when he saw you unashamedly pop a finger in your mouth, licking the come from it. there wasn’t any reaction from you really, you gave him a sheepish smile afterwards and gratefully took the tissue he offered you. he helped you wipe your hands, diving in for another kiss. “sorry, i think i just short circuited,” choso laughed embarrassedly, another kiss was pressed to your temple. “that was just… uh- fuck.”

“r- really?” you stammered, hiding your face in your hands. “it’s okay if it wasn’t that great for you, it was my first time after all, i-”

choso hushed you, going for another open mouthed kiss, eliciting a whimper from you. “yeah, really. fuck, the things i want to do to you,” he shook his head, not wanting to get sidetracked again. “but this is about you. we’ll only go as far as you’re comfortable. did you feel like you learned enough for today?”

“mh- hmm. thank you,” you leaned your head against his chest, closing your eyes as a sudden tiredness washed over you. choso’s fingers dancing across your skin were slowly lulling you into a comfortable slumber. “what is it that you want to do to me? will you show me one day?”

choso cursed, shivers running down his spine.

“if you want to, of course.”

-----------

now that you’d met choso a couple of times, it was pretty obvious that you took some liking to him. after that fateful day, nothing else had happened as you wanted to work on easing into relationship dynamics and feeling less insecure about things - choso had been nothing but sweet and mindful about it, even went out of his way to find suitable locations for your dates. somewhere along the way you had started to text more casually, the strictly business type texting long forgotten. gradually, the two of you opened up to each other, the lines between escort and client slowly blurring and intertwining.

choso had promised to pick you up after your shift at the animal shelter for your next date; for today he had suggested you come over to his place for a change. the thought that he was willing to let you in his home, let you have a glimpse into his personal life, it made you giddy with anticipation. despite getting closer to each other, he remained a mysterious person and you didn't want to pry. after all, you were merely his client. but what if you were more- patting your cheeks to put some sense back into you, you leaned down to pet the dogs. unbeknownst to you, choso had already entered the building and watched you with a soft smile as you gave each of the dogs their deserved belly rubs before you left.

you didn't take any notice of him until some of the dogs perked up and carefully trudged over to sniff at the stranger. turning around on your heels, your eyes widened as you took in choso's tall figure. you quickly apologized, telling him that you would be joining him right away to which he simply shook his head and reassured you that you were fine. your co-workers were eyeing choso curiously, one of them wiggling their eyebrows at you. in response, you waved it off, too embarrassed to set the record straight. choso looked so awfully much like a boyfriend in this moment - the way he was dressed in casual clothes that accentuated his physical features so well, the soft smile he gave you as he offered you his hand to take, the way he sounded genuinely interested and curious when he asked you about your day.

silently, you took his hand and followed him out of the building - you could feel your co-workers’ inquisitive gazes like laser beams on your back. while they were never particularly nosy about your personal life, it was unusual that someone would pick you up from work; much less someone that you seemed to be romantically interested in. surely, they would grill you the next time you would return to work. “they think you’re my boyfriend,” you explained to choso sheepishly, glancing down at your intertwined hands. choso squeezed your hand and nudged your side gently. “am i not?” he winked at you cheekily, making your face heat up. he had asked in such a serious voice that you’d briefly questioned yourself.

“n- no, not really,” you replied quietly, looking away from him. choso reached around you to open the car door for you. in the window reflection you could see his face expression; it was rather somber, almost as if your words had hurt him in a way. the emotion was gone from his face when you blinked. maybe you had just imagined it. getting close to him on that level was unattainable, no matter how you twisted it. it just wasn't right.

the car ride was mostly quiet, only the sound of choso's car playlist accompanying you. somewhere along the way he had reached out to intertwine your fingers, resting his hand on your thigh. holding hands was almost natural to you now, the way his hands automatically sought out yours whenever possible. in response, your heart was racing, filling with the all too familiar feeling of yearning. whether you were simply yearning for the intimacy and closeness of a relationship or for him, you weren't entirely sure. while choso had told you about himself for the sake of the fake dating, there were still unknown facettes. it was impossible for you to get to know all of him, not when he was selling a fantasy to you. and yet, you found yourself craving more of him, beyond what he was willing to show you.

choso parked his car in the garage, turning his body sideways so he could look at you. "you okay? you look like you were quite lost in thoughts," he hummed curiously, rubbing circles on the back of your hand. what could you possibly answer to that? hey i'm questioning our fake relationship and it's going beyond what i expected? abruptly, choso hoisted you across the seat onto his lap as if you'd weighed nothing. "a penny for your thoughts? or should i take your mind off things?"

"i- i think i would… rather not talk about it," you whispered quietly, gaze skirting away from his eyes. choso frowned, slightly irritated - he had a small inkling why he reacted this way but banned the thought to the back of his head. he understood that as a client, you wouldn't disclose details of your private life to him. but he found it difficult to circumvent your dropping mood when he couldn't tell what was going on.

"i understand," choso was about to open the door when you suddenly cupped his chin and dove in for a kiss. he was caught off guard - rarely did you ever initiate kisses, usually shyly asking beforehand. feeling bold, you pressed you pressed your hips down, grinding against his crotch. choso groaned, gripping your hips to guide you while thrusting his hips up to meet yours. he enjoyed how you shuddered at the newfound pleasure, the delicious friction making your toes curl. "does baby want me to take her mind off things?" he murmured with a raspy voice, peppering kisses across your jaw.

"please," you mewled needily, hands grabbing onto his shoulders, fingers digging into his skin. choso complied, sliding his hand up to tangle in your hair and gently pulled at it, tilting your head back. you were panting by the time he was moving down the column of your neck, nipping and sucking at your skin. lower and lower, until he reached the top of your breasts; with swift movements, he yanked your shirt and bra upso , pressing open mouthed kisses to them before wrapping his lips around your nipple. your voice cracked as you moaned his name, hands flying up to bury your hands in his hair. distracted by the ministrations, you didn’t notice choso’s free hand sliding down your front until you feel the coldness of his hands on your skin. you squirmed, giggling at the cool sensation - the giggle died abruptly when he dove lower, fingers rubbing your clothed pussy languidly.

“c- choso! we’re still in the g- garage, people can see!” you stuttered scandalized, tugging at the tips of his hair to grab his attention. choso simply hummed, carrying on as if you hadn’t just told him your concerns. rubbing circles on your clit, he watched with satisfaction how your legs were trembling, writhing in pleasure. just the sight of you - hickeys on your neck, slightly swollen lips, shirt pushed up to reveal your tits, his hands down your pants - it was so arousing and thrilling, he almost didn’t want to stop.

“the windows are tinted and no one’s around at this time… do you really want me to stop?” he murmured with a low voice, fingers pushing your panties to the side to gather the slick up on his fingers. “look at you, how much you’re craving it. the want is written all over your face, baby. do you want to stop now?”

before you know it, choso’s hand is suddenly hovering over your face, fingers glimmering with your arousal. you shot him a dazed look, confusion evident on your face. “open,” he instructed softly, slowly and carefully sliding his fingers in your mouth. almost instinctively, your hands gingerly grasped his wrist. your lips wrapped around them, tasting the liquid curiously. his breath hitched, blood shooting down his groin - fuck, you were going to kill him. tentatively, he thrusted his fingers, slow enough so he could gauge your reaction to it. you didn’t know what it was - the taste of yourself, the weight of his fingers on your tongue, the way he was looking at you with hooded eyes and a hungry expression on his face; it made you squirm, eagerly for more. choso immediately took notice of your sudden mood shift. barely noticeable, your hips were rocking back and forth as you sucked on his fingers, cleaning them of your slick.

with a pop, choso removed his fingers. you whimpered his name, gasping in relief when he slid them back down, moving your panties to the side. his thumb found your clit, rubbing the little nub gently in slow circles. as if he was in no hurry and unbothered by the prospect that someone could actually spot you, he continued his ministrations. your legs jerked, threatening to close when you felt his fingers prod at your entrance. excruciatingly slow, he sunk a finger into you. the feeling was unfamiliar, almost uncomfortable at first. seizing up, you clenched around the finger. “relax, ease into it,” choso whispered reassuringly, capturing your lips in a kiss. “it’ll feel good, i promise.”

choso inserted a second finger, letting you get used to the feeling of them. the kisses he was peppering on your chest were distracting you from the burning stretch, creating a confusing mix between pain and pleasure. “how are you feeling?”

“f- feels good, i- i-” you were struggling to form coherent sentences, too focused on how he was lapping at your nipples, sucking and kissing them gently. “y- you can continue…”

steadily, choso started to thrust his fingers into you - gradually, the burn was disappearing and replaced by a delicious stretch, pleasure that was spreading throughout your body and setting your nerves on fire. desperately clinging onto his shirt, you hid your face in the crook of his neck. choso placed a kiss on the crown of your head, whispering sweet praises and telling you what a good girl you were. it felt good, so good but something was missing, you needed something, maybe more. you started begging and despite blabbering nonsensical things, choso understood what you were asking of him. his fingers hit a peculiar spot inside of you when he curled them, making you jerk in surprise. “o- oh!” again and again, choso was hitting the spot, making you writhe on his lap.

something was building up in the pit of your stomach, like a tightened coil that was about to snap at any time. panicking slightly, you grabbed choso’s hand and tried to close your legs, wiggling away from him: “h- hey wait, i-” another moan broke from your lips when choso sealed your lips with his and wrapped his arm around your waist, locking you in place. “it’s okay, let go, baby. cum for me,” he whispered against your lips, sinking his fingers in you one last time. and then the coil snapped, the high crashing over you like a riptide, so blinding and intense that it took you a while to come down from it. your thighs were still trembling by the time you came back to your senses, ripples of pleasure still cursing through you.

you slump against choso's chest, exhausted from the intensity of your orgasm but feeling wonderfully blissed out. choso removed his hand from you, licking your arousal from his fingers before wiping them off on a paper towel. he brushed his fingers through your hair, pressing a kiss on your forehead. "how are you feeling? can you move?"

"my legs feel like jelly," your voice came out muffled, face still pressed into his chest. "'m feeling good though. that was… really nice."

"i'll carry you upstairs," choso declared matter-of-factly, hoisting you up so he could carry you. you slung your arms around his neck, pecking the side of his neck. his scent was faint but calming, lulling you into a sense of home and comfort. you wanted to stay close to him like this, just having him hold you in his arms. a myriad of emotions welled up in you, swallowing all your doubts until all that was left was the budding blossoms of your feelings for him, nurtured by his soft touches and adoring treatment. you wanted to cherish him, keep him close for as long as you could, as long as you could still have him.

"thank you."

"for what?" choso sounded surprised.

"taking care of me? i mean i pay you for it but i still wanted to let you know that i appreciate it."

“everything for you, baby,” choso replied softly, tightening his grip around you. as you got to his apartment, choso placed you on the couch and knelt down, hands wrapping around yours. “do you want to get changed? i’ll lend you some of my clothes, you can get changed in my room or in the bathroom if you want to freshen up.”

he was so so considerate, you couldn’t believe someone as nice as him existed out there. as you agreed, choso disappeared in his room; the sound of opening doors and drawers as well as rustling resounded from his room. you took the opportunity to observe his home. it was a small but cozy apartment, despite being sparsely decorated. in the back of the living room, you could spot some bags and boxes, presumably choso’s surfing equipment, as well as posters and photos cluttered on a pinboard. here and there, some little figurines and trinkets were spread across the apartment. although it was cozy, the apartment lacked some kind of presence, some warmth. you assumed that it had to do with choso’s job - he probably was rarely home between work and spending time with friends and family.

“here you go,” choso handed you a big sweatshirt and some shorts as he came back, patting your head teasingly. “go and get changed, i’ll start preparing dinner, yeah?”

you hid in the bathroom and got changed, neatly folding your clothes and stacking them on the counter. inspecting yourself in the mirror, you admired the size of choso’s sweater - it was a simple and cream coloured sweater that was entirely dwarfing and engulfing you. the sleeves were way too long and the hem almost reached your knees. but it was soft and comfy, coming close to choso’s hugs. you pulled the shorts up your legs, awkwardly securing them by tucking them underneath the sweater. choso had set up some boiling water and was silently chopping vegetables by the time you left the bathroom and tip toed towards the kitchen. “can i help you with anything?”

“no it’s okay, take a seat. do you want anything to drink? water? tea?” reluctantly, you sat at the small table on the side, pouting at him. choso simply laughed and shook his head, bringing a glass of water over. your heart jumped in surprise when he kissed your forehead as he placed the glass on the table. “i’ll take care of you for today. boyfriend duties, remember? the past times you’ve always taken us out on restaurants and incredible locations and now it’s my turn to show you the boyfriend magic.”

sudden dread filled your stomach. how could choso be so warm and kind-hearted to you, when you weren’t even in a relationship? you keep having to remind yourself that this was what he was doing for a living, that you might possibly never know the real him. that this might just be a mask that he kept on for the sake of your requests. you didn’t reply, deep in your thoughts as you stared at the glass of water. choso returned back to his previous task, cooking dinner in silence. your chest felt heavy with uncertainty and disappointment - you tried your best to push the emotions down. they were irrational, you knew full well what you were getting yourself into when you asked for his service.

thankfully, choso didn’t seem to have picked up on your sullen mood, even throughout dinner - you let no emotions shine through when you conversed with him, choosing to keep it lighthearted. you offered to wash the dishes, not wanting him to lift another finger when you could help him in return. as you scrubbed the bowls, choso creeped up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, placing his chin on your shoulder. “you wanna watch a movie? or go to bed already? you’ve had a long day at work after all.”

“hmm, yeah. i think i’d prefer going to bed, if that’s okay for you?”

“i could never say no to cuddles,” choso hummed, capturing your lips in another kiss. you whimpered against them, not being able to resist him. he moaned against your lips, grip on you tightening. “please don’t tempt me, it’s so hard to say no to you,” he warned you with a strained voice.

your face grew warm at the memories of a few hours ago. you couldn’t believe you let him do that, let him finger you in his car in the garage. no one had seen you and you were thankful for that but you wanted the ground to swallow you whole at the thought of someone possibly snitching on you. your father would lose his mind. “is- is it not what you want?”

“of course i do, but not today. baby steps, remember? we have all the time in the world. and i can assure you that i very much want you,” with one last peck on your lips, he removed himself from you and disappeared in his room. he wanted you. your heart was soaring at his confession. you were relieved to know that he was craving you as much as you were yearning for him. maybe you would indulge, just for a couple more times until you would inevitably have to cut off the relationship. you felt at peace with your decision, you told yourself. nothing good would come from false hope.

after washing up, you joined choso on the bed, shyly crawling towards him as he opened his arms and welcomed you. he pulled you into his chest, nearly crushing you with his weight. it made you giggle and squirm in his arms, trying to wiggle out of his hold. choso was having none of it, peppering kisses all over your face as he trapped you in place. gasping for air in between your carefree laughter, you weakly pushed at his head, squealing when he dove in to blow raspberries on your neck. he showed mercy and let up, instead curiously inspecting your neck as he pulled the neckline of your, no his, sweater down. something dark was glinting in his eyes as his eyes zoomed in on the hickeys he had left on your neck and chest - he felt strangely satisfied, pleased with his work of art. a sliver of possessiveness overcame him as he traced the trail of red marks on your neck, humming quietly.

“something wrong with my neck?” you questioned confused, not having spotted the hickeys yet. choso shook his head, simply laid back on his side again to look at you. “not at all. was just inspecting the hickeys i left on you.”

“you left marks?” you gaped at him, mildly shocked at the revelation. though he was preoccupied with your neck earlier, you didn’t expect him to actually leave so many marks, much less ones that were visible. “is… is that a common occurrence?”

“for couples? i think so. but i can’t speak for everyone; if it was me, i would do it frequently. stake my claim on you, let everyone know that you’re mine,” choso replied and casually draped the blanket over the two of you, as if he didn’t just admit to doing something he would normally do with a lover. did he think of you as his? you struggled to decipher his actions, not being able to match it with a specific reason.

“that’s uh-” your stuttering was interrupted by another horrifying thought. “oh god, i can’t let my parents see this, they will kill me.”

choso shot you a confused look. you hadn’t told him about your parents yet or how you were hiding this from them.

“my parents… especially my dad, are very cautious about letting me venture out in romantic relationships. it’s mostly because he didn’t feel like anyone was good enough for me and because he didn’t want me to get hurt. sometimes i felt like those princesses locked up in a tower, you know? so i decided to explore and uh, hired you. i didn’t want to burden my friends with having to help me gain some experience,” you explained to choso, eyes widening when he suddenly grabbed your hand and pressed a kiss to it. he winked at you cheekily before leaning over you to turn off the lights. you felt him press a gentle kiss to your lips but you couldn’t make out his face expression in the dark. choso preferred it like this, so you couldn’t tell the vulnerable look on his face, the ache of knowing that he could never fully be yours.

“then i’m glad i get to serve a princess such as you.”

----------

“you’ve been spending an awful lot of time with choso,” nobara commented as she took a sip from her coffee, reaching out to grab one of the muffins you had ordered. you looked away in embarrassment. it’s been nearly two months since you’ve started to meet up with choso. your dates became more frequent, even the casual texting continued. and yet you hadn’t really told your friends about your progress or how you felt about him, either brushing it off or giving them vague details. it was only natural that nobara and maki grew suspicious, vowing to grill you about it the next time you would meet up. “have you done the deed?”

“n- no! not yet,” you answered hastily, the topic still making you feel bashful. though you had talked to choso about it; he had agreed and hinted that you might go all the way the next time you would meet up. it was weird, scheduling something like this. but you felt more at ease knowing that it was approaching and you could somewhat prepare your nerves for it. “we talked about it though… next time, maybe?”

“i see,” maki nodded slowly, deep in thought. “you’ve been skirting around this escort thing a lot. is there something you’re hiding from us?”

“nope! not at all!”

“y/n… we’re looking out for you as friends. i know you told us that you trust choso and that he’s the nicest person you have ever but is there something more?” maki gave you a gentle nudge. the serious look in her eyes told you that you better not give her a lame excuse. even nobara, who was usually playful in nature, looked mildly concerned. as much concern as she could muster up anyways. sheepishly, you stared at your mug, watching the milk swirl with your hot chocolate. surely, they would tell you to stop seeing him, to stay away. because catching feelings for someone whose true feelings and self you could never uncover… should have been something you could have prevented. if only it hadn’t been so easy to give in, so easy to develop feelings for choso.

“uhm. i just realized that i like him, like a lot. i know i shouldn’t and should have circumvented the issue somehow but now i’m stuck with my feelings. and it’s just confusing. before you get mad at me, i’ve already decided to cut it off after our next date. i can’t dwell on it for too long because realistically, nothing is going to happen.”

wordlessly, nobara gave you a hug, patting your back to soothe you. “is he really that great though?” maki lightly swatted nobara’s arm and gave her an eyeroll. her comment made you laugh, she knew how to lighten up a situation.

“i think so. very gentleman-like and just takes good care of everything. i really appreciate how well he’s been taking care of me this entire time. he just is the perfect boyfriend, you know?” nobara nodded but you could tell from her face that she was trying to put the puzzle pieces together. it made you laugh again, pinching her cheek playfully. you didn’t want to worry your friends too much. they always helped you in every situation and now it was time you would take care of everything yourself.

“i can’t believe this entire time we were trying to find you a perfect partner and you’ve gone and went the whole nine yards, boyfriend experience and heartbreak all together,” maki joked and ruffled your hair, giving you a reassuring smile. “you know we’re there for you if you need emotional support in this, right? we might not be much of a help while you go through the fake breakup but we can help you take your mind off afterwards.”

you sniffled a little at the thought. your next date was fast approaching and you were grateful to have such great friends, who would always look out for you and be understanding even if you made dumb mistakes. your next step would be to learn how to mend a broken heart.

everything had to be perfect. the entire evening you had been on the move, busy cleaning your apartment and room and spending time in the bathroom making yourself look presentable. you still felt nervous exposing all of you to choso, never had anyone seen you naked before. the thought of it had made you so anxious that you’d called nobara who promptly suggested you wear cute underwear and something comfy to ease yourself into it. chances were that choso didn’t really care and wouldn’t judge you anyways; he had always been generous with compliments, always telling you how pretty you looked, how cute you were, and what a good girl you were for him. you didn’t think you could feel so fired up from praises nor did you think that you would be craving to hear them so much until choso came along. the feeling of euphoria that overtook you whenever he praised you, along with the pleasure he gave you whenever you were fooling around - it was a deadly combination.

knocks at the door made you perk up, hastily racing over to the door to let choso in. he chuckled when you immediately wrapped your arms around his waist and buried your face in his chest. “hey baby, missed me much, huh? i missed you too,” choso admitted, softly combing his fingers through your hair. you peeked up at him from below, closing your eyes as you leaned into his touch like a cat. “mhmm, missed you a lot,” you mumbled, humming in content as choso pecked your lips briefly before waddling inside the apartment with you in his arms, closing the door behind him

“what am i going to do with you?” he mumbled amused and sat down on the couch, pulling you onto his lap. he squished your cheeks between his hands, kissing your pouty lips with a broad smile. “you always make it so hard for me to leave.”

your heart sunk at his last words, remembering how you were planning to proceed by the end of this date. surely, it couldn’t be so hard and he wouldn’t think much of it since it was all business anyways. and yet, you couldn’t help but seize up with dread, not wanting to hurt him. if, and only if he would actually be affected by it. you placed your hands on his, sticking your tongue out at him. you teased him: “you leave but you always return, right? doesn’t that give you something to look forward to?”

“yeah, always come bouncing back…” choso trailed off, a faraway look on his face. you couldn’t tell what he was thinking - each emotion that surfaced was only fleeting and quickly wiped from his face expression as if it never existed in the first place. perhaps he was keeping his heart as guarded as yours, for baring the most vulnerable parts of yourself could be your downfall. he ran his hands along your thighs, rubbing the bare skin gently, fingers teasingly slipping under the hem of your shorts. your breath hitched in your throat, expecting him to move his hands up further. but by now, choso knew how to play you like a fiddle, what drew beautiful moans out of you, what made you whimper in anticipation and how to build up tension. he knew how to tease you and use it to his advantage; knew well that you would follow his instructions like the good girl that you were, never disappointing him. “gotta take care of my princess, hm?”

choso dipped down, brushing the strands of your hair out of the way, showering it in kisses. you mewled quietly, tilting your head to the side to allow him more access to your neck. he was still murmuring between kisses, telling you how sweet you were, how he was going to make you sing his name, how he was going to take care of you. the whispered praises were getting to your head, you easily melted into his touch. “c- choso,” you gasped, already drowning in him as his presence clouded your senses, wrapping around you as if nothing else but him existed. “please touch me.”

“your wish is my command,” choso lifted you up as if you weighed nothing, carrying you to your bedroom with ease. gently, he dropped you on the bed, simply hovering over you without saying a word. the look in his eyes knocked the air out of your lungs; you loved his eyes, his dark brown eyes that were filled with so much warmth and love, now darkened and filled with lust. he observed you, waiting for you to make a move - you stayed still, tense with anticipation. with every single intimate encounter you had with him, you gradually learned that choso enjoyed being in control, overjoyed when you were obedient and remembered what he had told you. he liked having you at his mercy, being the first and only one to discover the expanse of your body, to pleasure you in ways you were yet to familiarize yourself with.

choso’s tapped your lips, carefully sliding two fingers in when you willingly parted your lips and sucked on them. the weight of his fingers on your tongue, the dazed look on his eyes as he watched you - it was all so erotic, so arousing. you lifted your hips, grinding against his thighs for some kind of relief. it drew a slightly irritated click of the tongue from choso, gently pressing his fingers against your tongue. but he enjoyed the view, seeing how you wanted him so much, how you were seeking relief by humping his thigh. you could already feel yourself soaking through your panties and your thin shorts, arousal smearing across choso’s thigh and leaving a wet spot on his jeans.

pulling his fingers out of your mouth, he slid them down, lower and lower, smearing your spit across your skin. his fingers stopped right at the buttons of your blouse, playfully rolling them between his fingers. slowly, he unbuttoned the blouse, pushing the fabric off your shoulders to reveal your bra. you squirmed, suddenly feeling shy and embarrassed about being so exposed in front of him. “you’re beautiful,” choso reminded you. “don’t hide from me. i want to see all of you.”

reluctantly, you kept your arms at your sides, instead clenching your fingers around the fabric of your comforter. teasingly, his hands dragged across the tops of your breasts before dipping lower. “look at you, how soaked you are already. you’ve even left a spot on my jeans. i haven’t even touched you properly yet… has my princess missed me this much?” he mused, gently rubbing circles across your skin. he was careful not to move anywhere close to your crotch, resolutely keeping his hand near your navel.

“yes, please touch me,” you mewled, grasping his hand to guide him towards the hem of your shorts. his hand splayed across your mound, rubbing in deliberately slow movements, making you sigh in relief. choso tugged on your shorts, dragging them down your legs with ease. you clenched your eyes shut, hiding your face behind your hands. choso stayed silent for a few seconds and simply admired you in the dim light of your room. he could tell that you'd chosen a nice set of underwear to impress him - you looked so cute in it, like a present waiting to be unwrapped. he took notice of the dark patch on the crotch of your panties, how they were clinging onto your skin and how your arousal was glistening on your inner thighs.

"you look breathtaking," choso complimented you, gently removing your hands from your face. "i told you not to hide, didn't i? give me all of you, baby."

you blinked a few times, sheepishly thanking him. his praises overwhelmed you, making your chest swell with pride. but still, you didn't know how to react when he was singing your praises, too bashful to reply coherently. choso removed your panties in painstakingly slow movements, leaving trails of kisses on your inner thighs up to your ankle. throwing your panties to the floor, he then pulled your legs over his shoulders. you watched him bewildered, not sure what to make of it. the position made you feel oddly exposed; all of your senses were heightened, strained to focus on choso only. the oversensitivity caused your hips to jerk when choso’s breath hit your pussy, keen on receiving attention. the swipe of his tongue on your slit was something you didn’t expect - the sensation was new, uncharted territory, so different from his fingers. it drew a whimper from your lips, making your toes curl against his back.

languidly, he was lapping at your folds, taking his time to get you used to the feeling. it wasn’t until his tongue dragged across your clit, lips wrapping around it to suck gently, that whines and whimpers spilled forth from your lips. your hips automatically lurched forward, rocking against his face. you couldn’t wrap your head around the pleasure it provided you, how it rendered you into a babbling mess with only his name on your lips like some mantra. needing to busy your hands otherwise, you clenched your fingers around his hair, subconsciously pressing his face into your pussy. choso groaned against you, the slight burn turning him on beyond relief. you felt like you’re floating, higher and higher, rapidly approaching your high and it was still a feeling you’re trying to get used to, a feeling that you readily welcomed and craved.

it was a combination of all the touches that bring you closer to the edge; how he was sucking at your clit before flattening his tongue against your clit, paying close attention to it, how it was repeatedly and rapidly dragging across your folds. it made you sob, begging him to make you cum. choso pulled you even closer, fingers digging into your thighs as he lapped at your swollen clit, again and again until you come with a loud moan, barch arching from the bed, heels digging into choso’s shoulder blades. clenching your eyes shut, you attempted to push his face away from you, now feeling too sensitive. your legs were trembling uncontrollably, you gasped for air as your high washes over you and slowly ebbing away. choso sat up on his knees and only then you see the arousal smeared across his chin and lips. the sight sent electric shocks up your spine, breath hitching in your throat. he looked so fucking hot like this. he gave you no time to be embarrassed about it, wiping the slick off his skin and licking it off his hands.

“c- choso, what-” you croaked, voice all raspy from your relentless moaning. choso didn’t reply, instead kissed you open mouthed - the taste of your arousal was still present on his tongue. in the back of your mind, you thought about how dirty it was and yet so thrilling, eliciting a hunger for him. desperately, you were tugging at his shirt, trying to get it off. you were struggling, huffing in frustration as he didn’t budge. choso laughed, pecking your lips apologetically before taking it off along with his pants. even in the dim light you could make out the bulge in his pants, a testament of much he wanted you. the sight made you salivate, your pussy clenching around nothing. he took notice of your dazed look, grabbing your chin to tilt it up. “are you sure you want this? do you want me?”

you nodded quickly, eyes widening at his question. “of course, i want you, never wanted anything more. please, choso.”

“you have me, all of me,” he retorted, a tender look in his eyes. again, your heart clenched. just one more time you would get to see him like this, pretend he really was your lover. but when he looked at you with so much adoration in his eyes, it was hard to believe that there wasn’t a spark between you. unbeknownst to you, choso had always looked at you with stars in his eyes, hoping that you would return the sentiment. no matter how hard he was keeping his feelings at bay, the cracks were widening, allowing more and more feelings to seep through. with each touch, each word that you exchanged, the dam was weakening and threatening to spill everything that he was keeping inside.

choso gently pressed you back down onto the mattress, fingers fumbling with the condom that he’d pulled out of his jeans. you watched with fascination as he put it on, not being able to take your gaze of it. he grinned, deciding to indulge you, pressing his cock against you. arousal was still leaking from you, allowing him to easily slide against you. deliberately, he nudged the head against your clit until you couldn’t take it anymore. you wiggled your hips, signaling him to do something, do put you out of your misery. choso glanced at you for permission, suddenly seeming to be nervous himself. you gave him a small nod, leaning up to cradle his cheeks and kiss him. choso began to push, slowly slipping past your folds and- the stretching burn, it was there again and made you tense up.

choso grasped your hands, intertwining them and showered your face with kisses, whispering sweet nothings and encouragement. the feeling was familiar and yet strange at the same time, the girth of his fingers were nothing compared to his cock. it was a tight fit; you were aware of him, so aware of him. muffled, you heard choso telling you to relax, that he didn’t want to hurt you, to take your time. he was still pushing, distracting you from the uncomfortable pain with kisses. with one last thrust, he’s pushed the entirety of him in you. faintly, you could feel pain gradually ebbing away. the fullness of him, the throbbing; you clenched around him, a quiet moan leaving your lips as choso’s hips jerk in response.

“you okay? can i move now?” he whispered against your lips. you nodded, feeling choso smile against your lips. your breath hitched in anticipation as he pulls out ever so slightly before thrusting back in. you let out a whimper at the sudden thrum of incoming pleasure, hands squeezing his. choso thrusted his length in and out of you slowly, still wanting you to get used to it. the drag of it against your walls, the way his cock ever so slightly bumped against that spot inside of you that made your body sing - you sobbed out his name, hips tilting up to meet his movements. choso had no qualms obliging to your unspoken wants, upping the pace once he’s made sure you felt comfortable.

slowly, his inhibitions fell apart upon seeing you desperately cling onto him, moaning out his name as he pulled out and drove back in, deeper than before. you saw stars when he hit the spot inside of you, burying himself inside of you completely. it’s been a short amount of time but choso was quick to figure out what made you shake in pleasure in particular, memorizing every little nudge and wiggle that would have you gasp out his name. the closeness, the intimacy, it easily beat everything else that you’ve ever done before but it was now that you realized that no one could compare to choso. while your initial goal was to simply learn and gain some experience, somewhere along the way, you veered off the path. perhaps your goal was never to find out what it was like engaging in sexual activities but rather to experience it with someone you loved. it was then that you realized you didn’t care about these things unless you could experience them with choso.

while choso was no stranger to having people in his bed, the sight of you was one he would never be able to get out of his head again. how your moans and whimpers were getting more frequent with each thrust, how you were sobbing his name whenever he hit particularly deep inside of you, how your small hands were holding onto his, how you clenched around him whenever he praised you. he wanted to keep you for himself, to impale himself in you in such ways that you could never look at other people the same way anymore. “i- i’m close,” you hiccuped between sobs, back lurching from the bed. “choso, p- please, i wanna cum, i-”

“i’ve got you, princess,” he assured you, diving down to kiss you feverishly. relentlessly, his hips pistoned against yours, desperate to make you cum. choso couldn’t hold back any longer, he was close, so close. wanting to cum with you, he reached down to rub your clit. your reaction was almost instantaneous, legs pressing against his side as you came, his name on your lips like a prayer. he came with you, burying his face in the crook of your neck as groans left his lips, mixed with your name and curses. his hips stuttered as they pressed against you one last time, staying in place until he’s spilled all of him in the condom. you felt like you were floating, still dazed from the intensity of your orgasm. absentmindedly, you wrapped your arms around his neck, hand absentmindedly playing with the hair at his nape. choso let out a noise, akin to a cat’s purr, nudging his head against your hand. his gesture made you giggle and you strained your neck to press a kiss against his forehead.

slowly, choso removed himself from you, letting out a breathy laugh as you protested. you made grabby hands at him but he simply tutted, disappearing in the bathroom to dispose of the condom and came back with a wet towel. it felt comforting, the warmth of the towel as well as his gentle touches, lulling you into a sleepy state. it didn’t take long for him to join you again once he was done, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest like the countless times he’s done so before. “how are you feeling? i didn’t hurt you, did i?”

you shook your head, trying to find the right words. in the end, nothing came into your mind to appropriately tell him how mind blowingly good he made you feel so you just settle with: “felt good, really good. didn’t hurt, jus’ felt uncomfortable at first. but you made it okay, it’s okay when it’s with you.”

“i see,” choso let out a relieved breath, laughing as you blinked at him stunned. you looked adorable, still floating and coming down from your high. “i’m glad i was your first, glad i could do it justice. just wanted you to feel good.”

“mhmm, thank you,” you slurred sleepily, arms wrapping around his waist. you felt so warm and loved, not wanting to let go of the feeling just yet. “can we do it again some other day? you promised to show me what you still wanted to do to me.”

“y/n, sweetheart, when will you be coming to visit us again? i know it’s your summer break right now and you’re busy but we thought it might be nice to go on a short family trip. what do you think?” your mother pleaded over the phone. you could see her pout on the screen, her attempt at guilt tripping you into visiting more. truthfully, you felt bad about not having been able to see your family so much - the amount of assignments and final exams was swamping you and you just wanted to get through them before going on vacation. that and the fact that you couldn’t properly look them in the eyes anymore ever since being with choso.

you just couldn’t let go of him, nor could you admit your feelings to him, in fear it would make him uncomfortable. it was irrational, reckless even, to keep paying for a service you technically didn’t need anymore. simply to keep a person you had feelings for around for longer. nobara and maki didn’t know about this either, you knew they would have your head as soon as you confessed. it was irrational and you knew it. and yet it was so hard to let go. with every waking moment, you craved choso, his tenderness and loving gaze, the warmth of his arms, the domesticity that the two of you shared, how natural it seemed when you spent time together. and so you kept returning to him, over and over again

“i’m sorry, mum, i’m just really busy right now. but i promise i’ll let you know when i’m free, okay? i’m sure we can find a fitting date for the trip,” you attempted to soothe your mother, giving her an apologetic smile. she rolled her eyes at you playfully but shrugged it off, knowing that you didn’t mean anything by it. before you could tell her goodbye, your mother suddenly stopped you, waving at the screen.

“sweetheart, one of my friends- her son, i told him about you. he’s a very nice young man and i think you would get along well. when you come visit us, i’ll introduce him to you, yeah?” she explained, a giddy smile creeping onto her lips. “i’ve told him a little about you and your father doesn’t mind either. he has a good background too, i’m trying not to swoon.” she giggled as if she was the one who was to be set up on a date with him.

your eyes widened ever so slightly at her revelation but what shocked you more was that choso had seemingly heard what your mother had said. he was still sleeping when your mother had called you, so you hid in the kitchen to talk, not wanting to disturb his sleep. he stood in the doorway, blinking at you confused. you made sure to turn a little so your mother couldn’t see him. “mum, i told you i’m not really interested yet and want to go at my own pace-”

“honey, i know but the opportunity was just there. i couldn’t pass it up and you can still reject him, no? just try to meet him at least once.”

you sighed. “we’ll talk about it again when i’m home, okay? but don’t put too much hope in it, please.”

“i know, i know. i’ll talk to you again another day. love you, sweetheart,” your mum said goodbye to you and hung up. you groaned, tossing your phone to the side and buried your face in your hands. choso was not supposed to hear any of that. even though you two weren’t really in a relationship, and he had assured you that he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else, keeping his work at accompanying clients only, you still felt like you were somewhat betraying him. you felt choso’s presence moving behind you, then his arms wrapping around you, his chin being placed on your head. you couldn’t see the slightly irritated look in his eyes, the jealous glint that told you he didn’t want you to look at anyone but him.

“your mum seems to be eager to find you a partner,” he commented amused. you groaned, swatting at his arm.

“i don’t know why they’re suddenly so persistent after not deeming anyone as suitable for years,” grumbling, you turned slightly, pressing a kiss to choso’s chin. “i’m not really in the mood to go on dates just yet, so she’ll have to deal with it.”

“not in the mood for dates?” choso echoed, pinching your cheek. “not even with me?”

you whined, burying your face in his chest. you didn’t want to let him see how his words excited you. “no, i’m always in the mood for you, for dates with you.”

“that’s good to know. we’re going out later after all,” choso laughed, combing his fingers through your hair. “i did promise to take you to the beach and teach you how to surf.”

one of the reasons you didn’t come visit your parents immediately when your summer break began was because you’d already planned a short trip with choso. weeks ago choso had proposed you’d go to the beach together and you were thrilled by the idea, not having been by the sea in years. you’d rented a little cabin by the beach for the two of you while choso had prepared everything for the car ride. the car ride would be rather long but you weren’t worried about it at all - in the beginning, you’d been apprehensive, rather awkward with him. he eased you into everything, showing you not to be scared of relationships and to just be yourself. conversation was easy with him as if you’d been long term friends, with no worries or restrictions. for weeks, you’d looked forward to the trip, to spend more time with him.

the car ride was filled with laughter and calming music, you shared stories and secrets with each other, you fed him the snacks that you’d made the night before. you felt blissful, happily ignoring all the consequences that might be coming your way - you wanted to enjoy your time with him as much as you could. the dance that the two of you were engaging in, it was romantic and felt so domestic, while skirting around the important issue. inspecting your intertwined hands, you clasped your other free hand around his, rubbing the skin gently. choso shot you a concerned, questioning look but you brushed him off, assuring that nothing was wrong. “i’m just happy to be sharing this uh… boyfriend experience with you, really. i wouldn’t wanna do it with someone else.”

choso shot you a wistful smile, lifting your hand to press a kiss on it. “i’m glad you feel that way. you deserve only the best, someone who treats you like the princess that you are.”

the feeling of the grainy sand below you, wind blowing your hair in every direction, sun on your skin, water splashing against your shins - you felt like suddenly all your worries were washed away. you were still running through the shallow water, giggling as you saw choso catching up on you. upping your speed, you jumped through the water until he managed to grab you by your wrist, pulling you into his chest. he lifted you up, twirling you around in his arms a few times before setting you back on your feet, leaning in to kiss you. “you can’t just run away like that, all our stuff is still stranded over there,” he scolded you, playfully flicking your forehead. you glanced behind you, seeing how choso had already placed all the towels, cooler and bags on the beach chairs.

“it’s okay, we have the beach to ourselves anyways,” you retorted cheekily. choso couldn’t argue, instead rolled his eyes. the beach house that you had rented for the weekend was on the outskirts of the city, a rather quiet spot that also had a private beach. the paranoia that your parents might possibly spot you somewhere was running deep and so you didn’t want to risk anything. choso could teach you how to surf in peace, without any bystanders or crowded spaces. but now that you were sitting on the beach chair, you noticed that choso’s mind seemed to be elsewhere as he clumsily fumbled with the bags. you gnawed at your bottom lip, hoping that your earlier conversation with your mother wasn’t on his mind.

“you okay there? can i help you with anything?”

“huh? yeah,” choso answered after a second of processing, shaking his head. “uh i just get distracted looking at you. you look good in that bikini.”

“oh shut up,” you retorted but hid your face from him, still growing bashful even though you were used to him complimenting you out of nowhere. he shot you a wink, resuming his work. “but… choso, you can talk to me if anything bothers you, you know that?”

“yeah, i know… but don’t worry, i think this is something i have to figure out for myself first before i tell anyone,” he padded over, kissing your forehead. “but i appreciate it.”

deciding to drop the topic, you joined him, watching how he demonstrated his surfing skills. if he didn’t want to talk about it, you would respect it; and maybe, just maybe, he would open up to you about it. you watched as choso surfed through the waves, the sight filling you with bright happiness. he looked so happy to be surfing again, the usual tired look on his face wiped away as if it had never been there in the first place. he looked like he was truly at home, comforted and surrounded by the crashing waves. you understood what he meant by being distracted - choso looked good in his trunks as well, the water drops that were rolling down his body, his exposed upper body, the way his loose, slightly damp hair was falling over his face. you very much enjoyed the sight and almost felt creepy for staring so much.

as per usual, choso was a wonderful teacher, remaining calm and patient while he gave you instructions, comforting you when you weren’t doing so well and was always right by your side encouraging you. you hadn’t had this much fun in a while, especially not with someone other than from your close friend circle. it was easy to lose the track of time when being with him, all your thoughts and anxieties washed away like the seashells at the shore. by the end of the day, you were utterly exhausted, your muscles feeling like jelly. as you laid on the bed, you still felt like you were rocked and swayed back and forth by the waves. it was relaxing, almost lulling you into a deep slumber if it wasn’t for the sound of the running shower and choso’s humming. you opened the window, before returning to bed, wrapping the blanket around you. the sound of waves sloshing against the shore echoed through the room, making you feel like you were actually sleeping at the beach.

it didn’t take long for choso to return; you felt the bed dip beside you before you heard him. pretending to be asleep, you waited until he said anything but were instead greeted with a kiss on your nape. you squirmed a little, the feelings of his lips tickling the sensitive skin. a giggle broke from your lips, unable to stay silent any longer. “did i make you wait for too long?” he asked quietly, grabbing you by the hips to turn you around to face him. you shook your head and gave him a smile, leaning in to peck his lips. “no but i did miss you. did i tell you that i now get what you meant by being distracted? you looked really hot in your trunks and so serious while giving me instructions.”

“ah, really?” choso hovered over you, placing his hands beside your head. you’d only offered simple compliments but he was already so fired up, making you grin. “you can’t just tell me that and expect me not to do anything. don’t you know that i’m always hungry for you? i’ll ravish you right here.”

“what if i want you to ravish me?” you bravely retorted, your voice slightly cracking at the end. rarely were you ever bold with him but at this moment, you might as well indulge him. as an reward for teaching you how to surf and being so patient about it. choso clicked with his tongue, pleased with your reply. before he could move, you suddenly felt an urge to go further, wanting to be the one to initiate intercourse for once. you placed your hands on his chest, pushing gently. he looked at you confused, cocking his head to the side. if it wasn’t for the hungry look in his eyes, you would’ve cooed at how adorable he looked. “uhm can i… suck you off for today? i mean you’re always the one who- who makes me feel so good and i know you said you liked it but i just wanted to return the favour…”

choso short circuited at your request, momentarily leaving his mouth wide open as he stared at you. “y- yeah of course, if that’s what you want,” he spluttered hastily, sitting up on his knees. feeling giddy, you shuffled off the bed, positioning yourself at the edge of the bed and waiting for him to move. choso gulped, slowly moving towards the edge. he leaned down to kiss you, your hands snaked towards the waistband of his sweatpants, some doubt overcame you again, slowing your movements. sensing your hesitation, he patted your head and ruffled your hair. “you don’t have to do it, if you feel too nervous about it.”

“no, i want to, really,” you assured him, grasping the waistband and dragging it down. choso lifted his hips slightly, helping you remove his pants. his boxers followed soon after. gently, you wrapped your hands around his semi-hard cock, giving it some gentle strokes. choso exhaled shakily, leaning back on his hands as he kept his watchful eyes on you. you leaned in, flattening your tongue against the underside, running your tongue over the underside, tracing it until you reached the cockhead. gingerly, you gave it a few kitten licks before wrapping your lips around it. hands still stroking him, you delved in, taking as much as much as you could. choso tilted his head back, moaning loudly. it spurred you on, eagerly you bopped your head against him, paying close attention to the sensitive head as you licked and sucked at it. curiously, you licked the slit, tasting the precum on it. the taste was unfamiliar, nothing like you’d ever had before but you weren’t sure what to make of it. but you weren’t grossed out by it, thankfully.

choso’s hips jerked when you touched a particularly sensitive spot, not being able to control his own body anymore. usually, he was more composed, holding himself back for the sake of you - immediately, he stopped and apologized, staring at you with wide eyes. “fuck, i’m so sorry, that wasn’t meant to happen. did i hurt you?” he cupped your cheek, guiltily examining you.

“‘m okay, don’t worry about it. it just surprised me a little, that’s all. but if it’s what you like… i uh, don’t mind,” you reassured him.

“f- fuck, you can’t just say that because i will and-”

“like i said, i don’t mind. i want to make you feel good too.” reluctantly, choso nodded and relaxed again, letting you proceed. you were eager to make him cum, enthusiastically moving your head along the shaft. you welcomed choso’s shallow thrusts, glancing up to watch his reactions. his skin was beautifully flushed, eyes were closed, groans muffled as he bit his bottom lip. you struggled to take his cock in deeper, instead wrapping your hands around the parts you couldn’t reach. when choso’s thrusts got sloppier, you could tell that he was getting close.

“y/n, fuck- i’m gonna- wait, you-” unable to finish his sentence, he moaned, hips stuttering again as you swirled your tongue around the sensitive tip. you suckled on his length eagerly, hands pumping the base faster and choso couldn’t keep it in any longer, coming with a loud moan. you continued suckling on the tip, helping him through his orgasm until he’s spilled all of him in your mouth. sitting back on your knees, you removed yourself from him.

eyes wide and glossy, you looked up at him as he pulled away slightly so he could look at you. choso brushed your hair back, then lifted your chin up, tapping your bottom lip. "show me," he said in a low, hoarse voice, patiently waiting until you opened your mouth and showed him. showed him his cum that was still pooling on your tongue. a few seconds passed until he finally reacted - just the sight of you on your knees, obediently following his orders and showing him your work had his insides stirring with something dark, possessive. "swallow," he whispered, adoringly cupping your cheek as you eagerly swallowed. your face felt hot, whether by embarrassment or pride, you didn't know. quietly cursing, he pulled you up while leaning down, meeting your lips halfway.

unceremoniously, choso dropped you on the bed, making you giggle quietly as you bounced on the mattress. hovering over you, he captured your lips in yet another kiss. you wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him to your body. choso pressed his groin against yours, experimentally rolling his hips to elicit a reaction from you. burying your face into the crook of his neck, you couldn’t help but writhe from the pleasure - and even though you’ve been sleeping with each other, you still felt too shy to ask him for… more. how could you express what exactly you wanted when you were craving all of him? when you wanted to engrave everything into your brain; the feeling of his body against yours, his touch, the sweet as well as the dirty words he whispered into your ear. it was almost unfair how easily he could draw a reaction from you, as if he’d memorized every little aspect about you already.

choso nipped at your neck, about to leave a mark when you frantically pushed at his chest. “no visible marks, i told you!” you reminded him, almost feeling bad when you saw his disappointed face. but rules were rules, you didn’t want your parents to find out you were sneaking around with someone; you were barely able to look into their eyes as is. he huffed against your neck, burying his face in the crook of your neck in frustration. seconds passed without a reaction before he finally sat up on his knees, hands reaching out to tug on your shirt. “but everywhere else is fine, hm?” he mused, dragging his warm hands across your chest to your shoulder to push the fabric off.

“i- i guess,” you spluttered, barely having any time to react as he’s already moved on, lavishing your breasts with kisses while leaving a trail of hickeys on them. you whimpered, hips rolling up against his. through your panties, you could feel the outlines of his cock; the anticipation of him filling you up made you salivate. choso was quick to remove your panties and rolling a condom on upon hearing your desperate whimpers that were urging him to move faster. no matter how many times you’d already slept together, he could never get enough of you - you made him feel like a teenager again, like he was constantly insatiable and hungry for you. judging from the look in your eyes, you seemed to feel the same way.

choso angled his cock against your entrance before sinking in, moaning in unison with you. he grasped your hands, pinning them against the pillows as you reached out, trying to touch him. you sobbed in disappointment, just wanting to feel him but choso was having none of it. the complaint was quickly forgotten when he started thrusting, the sound of his hips smacking against yours filling the room. he was diligent, hitting that spot inside you over and over again, enjoying how your legs that were wrapped around his waist were trembling. you were drowning, drowning in him, in the pleasure he so graciously provided you. choso painted your chest with marks, placing them dangerously close to where they would be peeking out underneath clothes. he knew you didn’t want anyone to see them but fuck, he wanted people to keep their hands away from you, wanted them to know that you were his.

you sung his praises, hips quickly bucking against his as he buries himself in you to the hilt. he filled you up so well, always dragging against your walls so deliciously. almost feral, choso fucked you harder, putting all his frustrations and emotions into the strength of his thrusts. it left you feeling breathless, clenching around him hard as you climbed higher and higher. never had choso fucked you like this before, like he was trying to prove something - you sobbed, tears springing forth from the intensity. it felt good, so good and you wanted to cum so bad, wanted to release. the pleasant warmth was spreading throughout your body, almost unbearably hot as you neared your climax. it erupted within you explosively, leaving you writhing in a babbling, incoherent mess. for many moments, your orgasm wrecked through you, making you see white and stars. in your euphoria, you didn’t notice how choso had cummed with you, whispering sweet praises in your ear as he rode you through your high. you didn’t notice how he disappeared, returning with a wet towel as per usual, how he kisses away the tears at the corner of your eyes. through your hazy mind, you could tell that he wrapped the blanket around you before disappearing again.

it took you a while to return back to your senses, marvelling about the sex you just had. what had possessed choso in that moment? could it be because you’d offered to suck him off? or was he so pent up the entire day? the click of the door made you lift your head towards the source of the sound, cooing when you saw choso padding towards you. he yawned quietly, crawling under the blanket and wrapping his arms around you. "exhausted?" you questioned him, nuzzling into him.

"mhmm, i feel like i could sleep in until noon tomorrow," as usual, he ran his fingers along your spine, drawing shapes on your back. sometimes you thought you could feel him spelling something out on your skin but the touches were always so fleeting that it was impossible for you to make it out. whatever it was, he must've been too wary or scared to share it with you. you were reminded of your earlier conversation - choso still hadn't said anything so you wanted to bring it up, not wanting any issues to arise between you.

"choso? do you want to talk about what was wrong earlier? i know you said you wanted to think about it, but i was wondering…"

choso interrupted you. "are you going to go on a date with the guy that your mum mentioned this morning?"

you shot him a bewildered look. so he had been thinking about it. you hesitated, not sure what to tell him. should you be upfront and tell him how you feel? or give him a mild version, so he didn't feel cornered by you?

"i'm… i'm not sure yet. the thought of going on a date with someone else is kind of daunting but i think i'll do it just so my mum's happy."

"i see." uncomfortable silence seeped between the two of you. you could tell that choso was irritated, the frown on his face clearly indicating it. and yet, he didn't elaborate, leaving you to figure out what he meant by that. not daring to move, you stayed still, waiting for him to continue. choso sighed, placing his forehead against yours. "i think this is selfish of me but i can't stand the thought of seeing you with someone else. i wish… i wish it was only me that you looked at."

"you don't want me to go on a date with him?"

"yeah. i- i can't tell you why that is. it's selfish and dumb, hence why i didn't want to tell you. and it's not something that you should worry about. i'm just your escort after all, there's nothing more between us."

his words stung. even though it was the truth, the words still stung, driving a knife right into your heart. it was the very thing that nobara and maki had warned you about. but here you were, heart breaking in a million pieces. perhaps it was the fact that choso didn't tell you the reason, didn't seem to trust you with it, that made you recoil immediately. the walls around your heart were immediately put back into place, safeguarding you from any further harm. he wasn’t obligated to tell you anything and you knew that - there was probably also another reason why he felt that way. any further digging would probably make him recoil as well, it wouldn’t do you any good. whatever was growing between you, it had to stop now. choso simply saw you as a client, probably had been this entire time. again, you were reminded of the fact that he might have been acting this entire time, none of the affection he showed you ever being real.

“i- yeah… i guess,” you replied dejectedly, looking away from him. “i’ll figure it out with him, don’t worry. i’ll just keep my mum happy with it, there’s nothing more to it.”

choso bit his lip, refraining from replying to it any further. you already knew more than you were ever supposed to, he should have never let it slip that he didn’t like seeing you with other potential love interests. it pained him to keep this hidden, keep it a secret from you - but the less you knew, the better. he couldn’t imagine you being okay with being in a relationship with him while he was still an escort, nor did he think that your parents would be thrilled about it. from what you’d revealed to him, he could tell that they treasured you and wanted to minimize any possible harm as much as possible. and that included hand-picking a suitable partner for you. he might never be what your parents envisioned for you and he might never become your love interest so every session that you booked was a blessing to him.

sighing, he placed one last kiss on your cheek before wishing you a good night. but even when he closed his eyes and tried to sleep, he was wide awake, not being able to stop the onslaught of thoughts.

weeks passed without you ever contacting choso again. your resolve would have never been this strong, hadn’t nobara intervened. while you were moping and still feeling restless, helpless even, she made sure to delete his number and made you take care of the bills before cutting off contact entirely. normally, she would have commented on it - but seeing how you were struggling through your first heartbreak, she decided to let it be. and because maki wouldn’t have hesitated to have her head if you’d ever snitched. maki had encouraged you to take your mind off things, dragging you along to some of the sports classes she attended. it did lift your mood ever so slightly, much to your surprise, it was more fun that you’d originally anticipated. maki attended so many different classes that seemed so intense that you were scared to join at first. in between the classes, you spent more time with your friends. gradually you opened up to them, explaining them the entire issue with choso and how you had struggled to let go. you told them one by one, until it was finally time to let megumi know.

out of everyone, megumi scared you the most - not because he was intimidating or violent but because you knew how he would react. he’d most definitely be upset about it because he was protective over his friends, not wanting them to be harmed in any way. you’d pleaded that at least nobara should tag along to knock some sense into him, should he snap - but megumi’s reaction surprised you. when you finished your story, he was awfully quiet. you assumed he was boiling in anger, reaching out to appease him but he was frowning, making a contemplative face. “uh listen, i think that choso’s yuuji’s brother.”

“he’s what?” nobara’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. megumi had recently started going out with someone that he’d met during work and though he hadn’t introduced you to said person yet, you did know that his name was yuuji.

“yuuji’s brother. i haven’t met him yet but he’s been complaining about his brother for weeks now,” megumi explained, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “choso’s an escort, right? it has to be yuuji’s brother. i’ve stayed over at yuuji’s place a couple of times… yuuji was venting, asking me about advice on how to get his brother out of a rut. apparently, choso’s been affected by this uh… somewhat breakup as well. yuuji’s suggested to him that he should reach out to you to talk but he said something about his work and your parents...”

“huh. what an interesting coincidence…” nobara mumbled but narrowed her eyes at you. “but you’re not going back to him, right?”

all the blood in your body froze. why had choso brought up your parents? they had never been a part of your relationship, you had only told him how overprotective they were and how they liked choosing your partners and friends for you. could it be?

“no, i don’t think so. i’m… very conflicted about our feelings to each other. it was stupid to give into my feelings for him in the first place. i hired someone to act as my fake boyfriend, someone who does this for a living. i think they know better than to catch feelings for their clients,” you sighed frustrated, shaking your head. there was no way in hell this situation could ever turn back around, even if you now knew that choso had also been affected. and still, he never reached out to me, you thought bitterly.

“i think you should talk it out though, if he does reach out to you,” megumi chimed in, awkwardly patting your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you. “from what yuuji’s told me, it does seem like his feelings are genuine. he didn’t outright push you away, right? who knows what could happen?”

in the end, you couldn’t help but confess to your parents. secrets were bound to be revealed one way or another and you figured it was better you opened up before they found out from someone else. the uncomfortable silence that spread through your apartment created a gloomy atmosphere; the tension was thick and palpable, making you shuffle in your seat in unease. your father hadn’t uttered any word while your mother had completely lost it, not understanding why you hadn’t instead chosen one of the boys she’d always introduced you to.

“all this time you were seeing this boy? and not once did you let us know. i could have asked my friend if they knew someone, their sons are so nice-”

“mum, i already told you i wanted to find someone on my own without having my options being presented to me on a silver plate. and you’re always so disappointed when i end up rejecting them after going through all of the hassle,” you interrupted her, giving her a defiant look. it wasn’t often that you opposed your parents like this but you felt like it was needed - your mother didn’t understand you, nor did she try. you were an adult, for fuck’s sake. you were very much capable of making your own decisions and mistakes to learn from.

“and yet you went to hire an escort! why didn’t you go and meet some of your classmates? i don’t understand why you went such lengths and then even ended up falling in love with them! how would you even pursue a relationship with them?” your mother seethed at you, knuckles blanching from how hard she was gripping her handbag. your father placed a hand on hers, whispering some soothing words in her ear.

“darling, i think y/n knows well that she’s made a mistake and is hurting from it. we don’t need to add to the stress, do we?” he assured her, then looking at you. “y/n, you know that i’m disappointed in you as well. but i don’t blame you for it, i think it’s partly my fault that you felt the need to hire an escort just to… gain some experience. i did take away all your possibilities of a relationship after all…”

“don’t encourage her! this problem won’t just be solved by you spoiling her again, do you know what kind of consequences it could h-”

a loud knock interrupted your mother’s rambling. you were confused - you didn’t expect anyone else for today. it was too late for someone to bring packages. who could it be? you excused yourself, padding towards the door to see who it was. you swore that you briefly suffered from a heart attack when the door swung open to reveal choso. he stared at you equally as stunned, seemingly not having expected you to open and greet him. “w- what are you doing here?” you asked, hating how shaky your voice sounded. how your heart soared, having missed his presence around you. the feelings had never been properly buried, only hidden by a thin layer of pretense that was now quickly being washed away.

“i’m sorry for just turning up unannounced… i was hoping- hoping to be able to talk to you for a bit? i wanted to explain myself,” choso replied, unaware of the two persons in your apartment that were straining their necks to be able to get a look at him.

you groaned. why now? the timing was just too comical, fate must really hate you. “i’m sorry, my parents are here right now. maybe, another t-”

“aha, so this is the boy my daughter has been sleeping with,” your mother appeared behind you, snarling at choso maliciously. panicking, your father had followed her quickly, holding her back by her arm. “you have some nerve appearing here as if nothing happened, what is it that you-”

“darling.” your father cleared his voice, shooting daggers at her. “there’s no need to be rude.”

swiftly, he introduced himself and your mother to choso, politely shaking his hand. choso remained calm, as usual, and introduced himself as well. if he was shocked by the entire ordeal, he sure didn’t show it. his face remained a perfect poker face, no emotions seeping through. “i wanted to talk to your daughter, ma’am. i assume she’s told you about our relationship and how we broke apart. there is no ulterior motive here, i just wanted to explain myself and talk it out.”

“that’s-!”

your father interrupted your mother again, not giving her another opportunity to spit venom at choso. “i think that is a good idea. though she has not opened up about everything, i can tell that she is hurting as much as you are. i believe a discussion would be very productive. but what is your intention? what are you going to do once you’ve explained yourself?”

suddenly, you felt like you were forgotten or invisible in the entire discussion. were they ignoring you? you were standing right there and yet no one was addressing you. you huffed, trying to pull their focus back on you. “nothing’s gonna happen, dad. there was nothing for us to work with and there won’t be.”

choso felt like he’d been slapped. he didn’t know what to make of your reaction but he came here for one reason only: to give you the closure that you deserved and he wasn’t going to leave until he accomplished just that. “i intend to apologize to her. judging from your wife’s reaction, you don’t seem to like me very much. i can’t imagine you would ever accept me, i know i don’t live up to your standards. i don’t deserve your daughter, she deserves so much more than what i can offer. and i’m aware of it. but if she’s willing to have me, i’ll try my very best to live up to your standards, to prove myself to you. i just want to be with her and make her happy. i’m in love with her and that’s what i intended to tell her.”

your heart stopped at his confession. all this time, choso loved you? megumi had been right all along. choso returned your feelings and he was here, so close and yet so far. dread filled you as you realized your parents could possibly drive him away, make him disappear from your life with just a snap of their fingers. you cherished choso more than you were aware of, the adoration running deep in your veins even when you were trying to reject him.

“i see. that’s reason enough for me. we’ve already let her have a piece of our mind, i don’t think she needs more telling off. my little girl has grown so much and it’s time to let her make her own decisions, growing and mistakes,” your father shot your mother a look. she’d calmed down, choso’s explanation seemingly having brought her back to her senses. she looked away, not wanting to look him in the eyes. “we’ll let you deal with this. but know that if she does take you back, i won’t go easy on you, alright? the bars are high and i don’t intend to lower them just because you love her. prove to me, that you’re worthy of her.”

“i will,” choso sounded so sure and confident that it made your father grin - you sure had found someone who took great care of you and wasn’t afraid to stand tall in front of your father. and that he liked, someone who wasn’t scared to back down from a challenge, someone who would be the perfect partner for you. as your parents said goodbye and left, he gave choso a pat on the shoulder before exiting the apartment, leaving the two of you to your own devices.

you didn’t know what to say, how to start. standing in the hallway was awkward but you couldn’t move just yet, instead wanting to hear what he had to say first. “you love me?” you croaked, your voice failing you. now that your parents were gone, you could freely show your emotions, not being able to hold the tears back any longer. choso panicked, fussing over you as you started to cry. furiously, you wiped the tears away with the sleeves of your sweater.

“i do. i uhm wish i had found a better way to tell you this. i figured that you probably thought that everything we did was simply a facade but i promise you that it was all real. i don’t know when exactly but i started falling for you along the way and it was hard… to remind myself that you were a client and i was just there to provide the service to you, you know? i had no right to get mad at you if you decided to go and see other people. and i wasn’t sure of your feelings for me, it was…” choso trailed off, struggling to find the right word but you knew what he meant and nodded, signaling him to continue. “i just didn’t want to tie you to me when you… when you might not like me back or even want to be with an escort.”

you sniffled quietly, wrapping your arms around him immediately, with such a speed that it almost knocked the air out of his lungs. confused, choso wrapped his arms around you, tucking your head under his chin and rubbing your back soothingly. he was relieved that you didn’t push him away at least and let him explain everything in one go. he felt more at ease now and was at peace with the decision to immediately leave and never butt in your life again in case you rejected him.

“all this time, i also loved you,” you mumbled, an upset frown on your face. “i- i just kept thinking that you’d never return my feelings and that you were just playing boyfriend because i hired you to do so and-”

you hiccuped, another sob tearing from your throat.

“when you told me not to go on that date and immediately followed it with you only being my escort and nothing more, it hurt me so much and i know it was stupid and childish of me to react in such a way but… i was just spiraling, i love you so much and didn’t know where to place the anxieties and negative feelings.”

choso shushed you quietly when your sobs grew more frequent and you let him pick you up, clinging onto him as he walked over to the couch and sat on it with you on his lap. “shh, you’re okay, we’re okay,” he mumbled against the crown of your head, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “i’m sorry i hurt you so much, i was not aware that you already liked me back then and that my words would have such an effect on you.”

over and over, choso apologized quietly until you calmed down, slumping against his chest. you stayed silent, trying to piece your thoughts and feelings back together so as to present him with a coherent and logical question. your mind was in shambles and you hoped that choso would at least get what you were hinting at. “so w- what do we do now? where do we- we go from here?”

“as i’ve already told your dad… if you’ll have me, i’ll make it up to you, all the hurt that i’ve caused you. i love you, so much. i want to be your boyfriend, and this time officially.”

“i like the sound of it,” you mumbled, tilting your head back to look at him. “will you be my boyfriend?”

“it would be an honour, princess.”

with a kiss, choso sealed the deal, easily catapulting you back on cloud nine. who would have thought that the escort you’d hired to be your fake boyfriend would turn out to be the prince charming you had always hoped for, surpassing even your wildest dreams and expectations. choso was everything you wanted and more - he was the person you wanted to wake up to every morning, the person you wanted to come home to. he was the person with whom you wanted to spend your life with, the person that loved you so unconditionally and never expected anything in return. you were lucky that he chose you, that he loved you back. out of all the persons in the universe, it was him.

he was perfect and he was yours.

p.s.: if you've made it until the end: thank you so much for reading!

#kamoescortcollab #jujutsuescorts #jujutsu kaisen #choso #kamo choso #choso kamo #choso x reader #kamo choso x reader #choso kamo x reader #choso x you #kamo choso x you #choso kamo x you #choso imagines #choso kamo imagines #kamo choso imagines #choso smut #kamo choso smut #choso kamo smut #jujutsu kaisen imagines #fic: infatuation #writing

[decadentpaperduck]

Unspoken - TASM! x Reader

(Continuation of the drabble I posted earlier, I have not written properly for a long time please bear with me!!)

TASM! Peter Parker X Fem Reader

Grown-ass adults tbh, in their 20s

Summary: Peter’s secret identity is still intact but it makes having a crush on his roommate even trickier, especially when he has to turn down your (potential) advances for Spiderman duties.

Warnings: Fluffy, angsty, cuuute. Roll with whatever, one swear word I think.

“Can you do this up for me?” You appeared in front of Peter in the living room, fighting with the tiny, round clasp of your necklace. “I hate these things, they’re so stiff and awkward it just-”

“Come here.” He lightly pulled on your right shoulder to spin you away from him. “Don’t worry your pretty, little head.” He visibly cringed at his own words, but you smiled shyly as you passed your necklace behind you. He reached his arms around the front of your face, draping the gold rope across your flushed neck. “Could you lift your hair for me?” You fulfil his request and try to pull all your hair together off the back of your neck. His hands grew clammy as the silence encased you both, making the necklace more difficult to do up.

“I could just not wear it.” You giggled, trying to ease the tension.

“No,” he strained, “I’ll get it.” You could almost hear the concentration. “What’s this for anyway? Going somewhere nice?”

“Oh, you know that, uh,” You faltered. “That thing I invited you to with my work friends?” The thing that Peter couldn’t attend because he had Spiderman duties and he just couldn’t tell you.

“Ah.” He silently cursed himself.

“Should be good.” You cleared your throat.

“Don’t enjoy yourself too much without me.” He laughed nervously as he connected the clasp to the chain.

“I couldn’t possibly.” You turned to face him and rolled your eyes. You only hoped your delivery disguised the sincerity.

Peter wiped his palms on his trousers, praying it didn’t look as weird as it felt. “Maybe I can come next time?”

“O-”

“If I don’t have any better offers.” A frown ghosted over your usually relaxed features. Pete realised he perhaps said that a little wrong but rather than correct himself, he let the borderline insult fall into a chasm of regret.

“I think I am going to head out now Peter. See you round.” The use of his full name hit him like a punch to the gut. You turn back to your bedroom and grab your things before fleeing out the door.

Pete groaned and threw himself down on the couch. One simple favour of giving a friend somewhere to stay had turned into a minefield. Not to say that he regretted letting you stay - he had never agreed to anything better. You were a bubbly, radiant young woman with passion- and even work friends, which was more than he could say for himself. However, his feelings for you were no longer platonic, and navigating a secret identity and a crush the size of New York was proving difficult. 

Pete had been told, on good authority, that there was a planned break out from The Raft. The prisoners must have heard Pete was going to be invited out with the most attractive girl to ever share his microwave meals and decided that was the best day to run riot in the city.

He wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea that you were still going to be out but had to hope the prisoners weren’t feeling too energetic and wouldn’t wander too far.

This was going to be his first serious spider case since you had moved in two months ago and of course, in an ideal world, you would be in the loop and stay out of the way - but he couldn’t risk giving you the intel. You could be gone again next week and if he told you anything now, it would be a liability, for him and for you. He wanted nothing more than to be honest with you, what kind of relationship was built on lies? No good ones, that’s for sure. Maybe that was a sign.

You were at the indoor mini-golf course, a glass of coke in one hand, a putter in the other. If Pete had been with you, he would laugh, just a little, but offer to help you with your swings no doubt.

You tried to figure out what happened. What was it that made his tone switch? Perhaps he was beginning to notice your feelings for him and he wanted to nip anything in the bud before you got the wrong idea.

“Everything okay?” Your boss asked you. “Not a sore loser are you?” She nudged your elbow and gave a wink.

“I have to confess. I think I a-” A commotion outside stopped your laughter in its tracks. “What was that?” A symphony of screams sounded from the street and you dropped your putter, you and your boss latching onto each other, coke spilling over your arms. Everyone on the golf course stood silent, a complete contrast to the world outside. A rumble ran through the concrete and the faint buzz of electricity could be heard. “Maybe an electricity pole fell?” You asked with hope, as though that could possibly have caused the screams. Your boss loosened her grip and pushed her way through the crowd to the windows. You put your glass of coke down on a mini-golf prop and scampered up behind her, hoping people would part for you, too.

You saw men in orange jumpsuits, holding weapons that looked like swords, but you could have sworn that that was where the buzzing noise was coming from. Every time the weapon moved, the frequency hummed louder. People were running away from the centre of town, tripping over pot holes and discarded rubbish; almost everyone had fled their cars. It was manic.

It took some time to register that the masked vigilante, known as Spiderman, was following them from above, picking them off quietly. You smiled. It was a win for the Underdog. Pete would have appreciated his methodical planning. To your mind, Pete was working overtime at the lab and had no idea what was happening right in front of you. Or so you thought.

Peter dropped down from his position above and began his attack from ground level. He had a good upper hand. He couldn’t help but feel a little smug that things were going so well. However, that was not to last long.

A man, drunk out of his mind, ran out into the street to face the criminals. Peter rolled his eyes, drunk men were an occupational hazard.

“Forget Spiderboy, fight me. A man.” The rotund, red-in-the-face man was glowing with sweat, visible under the street lights. His words caused the prisoners to look closer at their surroundings. Most of them took a glance upward, but the sweaty man went as far as to point at Peter.

“Come on, maan.” He drew out the last syllable of his words before launching himself upwards once more.

He landed again, amongst the crowd of men in orange, and shot his webs at the nearest thug. Once secured, he yanked the man from where he stood and span him in a circle, knocking out some of the other criminals.

“Boooo, predictable.” Sweaty Man strikes again.

“Okay, since when did fighting crime come with a side order of heckling?” Peter quipped, webbing another man to a mailbox.

Before Peter could move to deal with the desperate-for-attention-drunk, a fist collided with the side of his left eye socket.

You recoiled the moment the prisoner’s punch landed. Spiderman did stumble but seemed to make a good recovery, sweeping the drunk off his feet to safety before continuing his assault on the escapees. You found yourself worried for the man beneath the suit. You let yourself daydream about what sort of man he was, whether he had a wife and kids, or if his girlfriend might be the one to patch him up. Maybe he went home to no-one, maybe he was alone.

In the time it took you to imagine these different lives for the masked man, he had managed to overcome the prisoners and slip away into the night. Your boss protectively insisted she put you up for the night. There was no feasible way for you to get home, especially on your own, after what had unfolded, so you listened. You thought about messaging Pete but decided that what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. He probably didn’t know about the events in the town centre and wouldn’t be worried in the slightest.

Pete approached the front door of the flat with caution. His spidey senses revealed nothing. It was late, but you were not back. He nibbled the inside of his cheeks, his eyes searching for any sign of you. He inhaled and shook his head, sending a pain through his sinuses. He blinked and retrieved a bag of peas from the freezer. She was a grown up, he thought. He shouldn’t worry. As far as he had seen, there were no injured members of the public, they hadn’t got that far, somehow.

Something disturbed him about how easy the encounter had been, but the concern shot out of his body as the temperature of the peas permeated his brain. “Fuck.” He whispered, a small release from the intensity of the past 4 hours. You weren’t back, but that didn’t have to mean anything bad had happened. He would restrain himself from searching for you. He would let you breathe.

 You came in the door loudly the next morning. You didn’t want Peter to think you were sneaking about like you had something to hide, or someone. Not that it would have mattered. Why would it matter to him where you might have been? He may have had a better offer, right?

You made a dash to the bathroom to wipe away any imperfections or signs of tiredness and flushed the toilet as though it were a practical visit. You took a deep breath and headed out into the living room to see Peter slumped, half upright on the couch in the clothes he was wearing yesterday.

You smiled. Peter felt you watching him, having woken up when you walked in, but affords you the opportunity to pretend you weren’t staring and makes a show of stretching his arms and cracking his neck as he opens his eyes.

“Cracking your neck is not the best for your body, Pete.” You smiled some more, feeling soft that you had caught him at such a vulnerable moment.

“It’s a good job I care nothing for my general health and wellbeing.” He mirrored your smile, but it soon fell as yours did.

“Pete, what on earth have you done to your face?”

Peter pretended he had no idea what you were talking about and reached up to the wrong side of his face.

“No, the other side you moron,” You rushed over and sat beside him on the couch, “When was this? Does it hurt?” You grazed the purple patch surrounding his big, brown eyes, he barely even flinched. He stared at your transfixed expression, silently revelling in your reaction. “Is it new? Did I not notice it?” You blinked, “Can you put something on it, please?”

Laughter fell from Pete’s lips.

“Is it really so horrible to look at?”

“The bruise is fine. It’s the face I don’t want to see.” You smiled knowingly.

”Okay, brutal, but fair.” The purple skin around his eyes crinkled with his laughter. Your eyes searched his. “What’s the orders, Doc? Bed rest? Paper bag?”

------

Thanks for reading??!?! 

Also @agnesamarantheastwood thank you for your encouragement with this and for asking to be tagged when I write something in the first place, v thankful you’re remotely interested and humbled in the presence of your talent.

#tasm!spiderman x reader #tasm #spiderman #one shot #peter parker #peter parker x you #fluff #secret identity #angsty #ish #writing