#professor quotes

[out-of-context-professor-quotes]

You don't understand, you just know how to make it work

Computer science professor

#programming #computer science #comp sci #engineering #college #university #professor quotes

[college-funnyquotes]

Professor: “I was a poor student once…now I’m a poor professor.”

#gen z #college #college funny quotes #professor quotes #college professor

[clairdeluneandmurder]

A selection of unhinged quotes from my political theory professor:

"Socrates has a tiny ghost in his head telling him when things are wrong. Unfortunately, it doesn’t tell him when things are right so he’s just really annoying."

*Brings a 1-liter bottle of sparkling water to every class and drinks the whole thing during lecture.*

“The flood happened because God looked down at earth and said ‘I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do with this’, and so he nerfed us again.”

“God comes down and asks ‘Where my people at?’ And Adam and Eve are like ‘We done fucked up’.”

“Any schmuck can match their socks to their shoes but the mark of a true gentleman is matching your socks to your mood.” - said because someone insulted his neon pink socks.

“At that point, everyone else would be dead and it would just be Carl Schmidt waddling around Germany all alone.”

Prof: “Is the Illuminati still a thing with your generation?” Student: “Yeah” Prof: “The number one rule of the Illuminati is toughen the fuck up.”

“You can read Hobbes’ Behemoth if you're like a glutton for punishment or something.”

“The neat thing about soup is that you can start with the same ingredients and end up with a new soup every time.”

“If any of you steal my pies I’m going to assume you’re possessed by a demon... I made a pie yesterday. You have NO IDEA how much fruit goes into one of those fuckers.”

“The great thing about Locke is he’s dead. Once you’re a corpse you can be used for anything.”

“I am the crazy leftist professor your parents warned you about. I will make you read Marx and I will say that racism is bad. Sue me.”

"de Sade would be great at being on the internet. And I do mean that as an insult."

Brought a jar to class and put a dollar in it every time he used the word ‘neoliberal’, said he'd give us the money that goes in at the end of the semester. (we each got 3 bucks, there are 15 people in the class)

"Time is a flat circle and I am but a lonely goldfish cracker."

“By a show of hands, who is hungover today? I’ll go first to make you feel better. I am hungover today, be nice to me."

Starts lecture by writing on the whiteboard: “THE ECONOMY IS STUPID”

“Just to be clear, I’m not saying we should guillotine people who open soap shops on Etsy.”

“People don’t get my Simpsons references anymore. You kids today with your sponge bob and anime.”

“If you need help, please ask for it. The worst thing that happens is I send you a super condescending email and you’re no worse off.”

“You’re a shitty libertarian if you accidentally become a Leninist.”

“Anyone seen one of these modern garbage trucks? It’s sick right?! Pretty fucking cool!” proceeds to do an impression of a garbage truck “Marx would love to drive around a dope robot truck.”

"That’s what makes babies just awful. They don’t understand that they don’t always get what they want."

"For how many of y’all does getting stoned and staring at a wall to ponder morality sound like a great class?"

“I once had a student use the topic 'The only way to commune with the aliens is through nuclear warfare' for this assignment, nothing you write can scare me anymore."

“I'm not going to make you read this. It’s 4 volumes, 2500 pages, and mostly about how linen is produced. Moments of brilliance though.”

“I think we should replace the death penalty with public humiliation. ”

"Crude Freudism will get you 80% of the way there 90% of the time."

"I’m going to throw my uncle under the bus here… Actually, I fucking hated that guy and he’s dead so whatever."

"The best thing you can do for your future happiness is to never think about politics. …I say to a bunch of people enrolled in a 400-level political theory class. Y’alls mental health is fucked I guess."

"God tells you not to do the one Bad Thing and Eve is just so sexy that man has to do the one Bad Thing."

"I haven’t worn a 1950’s bra but I’ve heard they’re very uncomfortable. …Not that I’m opposed, I just don’t have the access and I've been banned from three museums so far."

"Course evaluations are available now y’all. I don’t care what you say about me or the class, but make sure you mention how great my hair is."

"Identity politics can be useful, but I think we’ve probably taken it too far since now we’re at the point where Kid Rock is shotgunning 18 packs of bud light on Twitter as a form of protest."

"We basically live in an aristocracy where you can vote. Sorry to disappoint you if you think Joe Biden is a communist."

"Do you know why we didn’t celebrate international workers day on May first? Because America says fuck you, that’s why."

#professor quotes #unhinged quotes #political theory #he is seriously the best professor I've ever had #yes i have more quotes #they're all this insane

[undead-queer]

Favorite quote from my professor

“The solution is, of course, pissing constantly”

#it’s an ecology class #can you guess what he’s talking about #ecology #college #university #professor #professor quotes #quotes #quoteoftheday

[susidestroyerofworlds]

my prof used the phrase "dito" in a proof

#mathblr #professor quotes

[fourraccoonsinacoat]

*One night at camp.*

Gale: Surprise camp safety drill, everyone! Cultists of the Absolute are attacking, what do you do? Go!

Astarion: Gods below, not this nonsense again.

Gale: Time is wasting, people! What are you doing?

Lae'zel: Chk! I am going to bed. I will not waste my time with hypothetical pondering.

Gale: Alright, Lae'zel has taken an arrow to the face and is dead. Next person!

Astarion: I don't know, I do what any reasonable person would do. I stab them!

Gale: Wrong. They began their attack with archers and you are shot through with arrows before you can get near them. Astarion is dead. Next!

Wyll: Can't Shadowheart just heal them?

Gale: Shadowheart, would you like to heal Lae'zel and Astarion?

Shadowheart: *Considers.* Nah.

Lae'zel: *From her tent.* K'chakhi!

Astarion: I stab Shadowheart.

Gale: The two of you don't get opinions. You're dead. The cultists are now inside camp, what are the rest of you doing?

Durge: I cast fireball.

Gale: You cast fireball...on the camp?

Durge: Well, first I make sure that Scratch and the owlbear cub are at a safe distance, but yeah. I cast fireball.

Gale: Okay. The camp goes up in flames. The cultists are dead, but so are your companions.

Durge: Wonderful. I go to bed and have the most restful and uninterrupted sleep that my broken mind can remember.

*Lae'zel approves.*

- - - -

BG3 Incorrect Quotes Masterlist.

#Professor Gale Dekarios would take safety drill day at school very seriously and you can not convince me otherwise #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur’s gate iii #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #baldurs gate #bg3 memes #bg3 incorrect quotes #astarion #lae'zel #gale of waterdeep #shadowheart #wyll ravengard #the dark urge #durge bg3 #bg3 funny #bg3 astarion #lae'zel bg3 #bg3 dark urge #bg3 gale #bg3 shadowheart #bg3 wyll #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 headcanons

[maltmilkshake]

in honor of my first semester of grad school being done here’s a list of things one of my professors said over the course of the semester with no context:

- “alright, fuckers!”

- “i’m pro-scooter”

- “you know, the fuckability of a profession”

- “who cares, she’s dead anyway”

- “this is a thick ass packet…my thickest yet”

- “gaslighting only works if you’re sick or in love”

- “i’m not doing a virtual conference. i’d rather be dead. shoot me. actually, drunk first, then dead.”

- “prometheus is my bowling name because i roll like motherfucking thunder and lightning”

- “she’s given birth and stuff, she’s a big breeder”

- “she’s become annoying since her man died”

- “i drank a lot, i tried to procreate, i wasn’t successful”

#guess what i’m studying #professor quotes #all of these are real #funny stuff

[justanotherhumanbeing]

here's an update on my philosopher professor quotes

#college #professor quotes #philosophy

[its-short-for-jackalope]

no thoughts today, only ✨️memes✨️ (1/3)

Bailey's stripper jacket my beloved

#jack jabbers #hatchetfield #starkid #hatchetfield memes #incorrect quotes #npmd #nerdy prudes must die #black friday musical #workin' boys #stephanie lauter #solomon lauter #miss tessburger #steph lauter #officer bailey #gary goldstein #linda monroe #wilbur cross #general john macnamara #lex foster #professor hidgens #paul matthews #emma perkins #paulkins

[tolkienillustrations]

“Some who have read the book, or at any rate have reviewed it, have found it boring, absurd, or contemptible; and I have no cause to complain, since I have similar opinions of their works, or of the kinds of writing that they evidently prefer.”

— J.R.R. Tolkien, foreword to the second edition of The Lord of the Rings, October 1966

#LOTR #Tolkien #quotes #get ‘em professor

[carrotkicks]

this place feels familiar...

#the text in the drawing is a quote from professor N btw. #ignoring the fact that i suck at rendering. i'm super happy abt this #there was some vague color symbolism happening in my mind while coloring this. chuuya red. the world is blue. yeah.. themes. motifs. #and that's the part where cloneboy's hand slams against the tank next to chuuya's hand... that scene lives rent free in my head #<- merged with the scene where he sees verlaine's memory of rescuing him. #bsd #bungo stray dogs #stormbringer #chuuya #verlaine #rimbaud #actually i'm really growing on this coloring style.. grainy low contrast type. and textures #OHYEAH the first chuuya nakahara stormbringer angst brainrot art of 2024!!!! #.png

[out-of-context-professor-quotes]

"If you don't like trigonometry you'll suffer"

#electrical engineering #engineering #professor quotes #university #grad school

[college-funnyquotes]

Professor: “If you learned anything this semester: It’s rob a convenience store and not a bank because then that brings in the FBI.”

#college #college quotes #professor quotes #gen z

[marksandrec]

Marks and Rec: Misc #2564

Excited about Puppet History~ (Dialogue from tumblr.)

#puppet history #the professor #ryan bergara #watcher #incorrect quotes #marks and rec misc #source: tumblr #it's dangerous to go alone #vid: the dreadful demise of the dinosaurs - puppet history

[cecilias-cool-stuff]

From Ravi Vakils "The Rising Sea: Foundations of Algebraic Geometry"

He's deranged. He's a madman.

[Image ID: Excerpt that reads "Spectral Sequences are a powerful book-keeping tool for proving things involving complicated commutative diagrams. They were introduced by Leray in the 1940's at the same time as he introduced sheaves. It has been suggested that the name 'spectral' was given because, like spectres, spectral sequences are terrifying, and dangerous. I have heard no one disagree with this interpretation, which is perhaps not surprising since I just made it up."]

#he needs to be stopped #math #maths #algebraic geometry #math memes #professor quotes

[accelactor]

Erik: Don’t worry Charles. As long as I am here, we will stand together even if the whole world is our enemy.

Charles: Thank you Erik, but may I ask why the whole world is our enemy?

Erik: Because I am here.

#xmen #x men first class #cherik #charles xavier #erik lehnsherr #magneto #professor x #incorrect quotes #incorrect xmen quotes #hehe stand #get it? #something is just better not to know Charles #translation from an anon post on Chinese Weibo :D #thank you so much for the meme :D