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jheseltheunswerving · 1 year

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Rayla: How Selflessness Becomes Selfish

I had every intention of writing this before season 4 came out. Unfortunately, school and life got in the way, and I just didn’t have the time. However, I am writing this without having seen season 4, so please keep all spoilers out of the comments and reblogs.

Rayla is one of many people’s favorite characters. She’s cool, she’s beautiful, and she has a Scottish accent. But I wanted to get deeper into her character.

Morals and Responsibility

Throughout the show, Rayla is shown to be a protector, a fact that contradicts her training as an assassin. Even still, her being a protector is greatly influenced by her Moonshadow Elf ideals.

The Moonshadow elves and their ideals are introduced early on in the show where we see a group of them making essentially a bloodpact to avenge the death of the dragon king and his son. The planned assassinations of Harrow and Ezran are not only believed to be deserved but also believed to be vital to achieving justice. As Runaan eloquently puts it, “Life is precious. We take it, but we do not take it lightly.”

This is a moral that Rayla displays. She will only take a life if she feels it is necessary or deserved. Hence why she spares Marcos’ life in the very start of the show. It isn’t until she meets Callum, and he points out the revenge cycle, that these morals begin to be… altered.

As soon as the egg of the dragon prince is discovered, Rayla commits herself to defending Callum and Ezran. She smiles at Ez and offers to go back into the tower with Callum to stop her people from killing his and Ez’s father.

Rayla assumes the actions of her peers are her responsibility. When she first tells Callum and Ezran about her parents, she says she’s so ashamed, and feels her journey to return the egg to the dragon queen as one of redemption. In other words, Rayla feels she needs to redeem herself because of her parents' alleged betrayal.

She assumes this kind of second-hand responsibility from the other assassins as well. Throughout season 1 and well into season 2, Rayla is incapable of telling the boys what happened to their father. Even when Rayla asserts, “I didn’t kill anyone!” Corvus’ words illustrate exactly what she believes:

“Your leader did! What’s the difference?”

The difference is Rayla tried to stop him. She tried to get Runaan to call off the mission, and he wouldn’t listen. Now King Harrow is dead, and Rayla cannot bring herself to tell her new friends.

And this actually becomes a problem later. More specifically, Rayla’s morals become a problem. Although she can’t find the strength to tell Callum and Ezran the truth, she still needs them to trust her. She offers to carry the egg, but when she realizes giving it to her would be a gesture of trust, she can’t let herself take it. She refuses to accept the boys’ trust until she’s told the truth. Even Callum tells her, “You don’t need to do this right now, Rayla.”

“Yes, I do,” she asserts.

No, you don’t. Wait until you’re in a safer place.

But she can’t. She has to do what “the right thing” in her mind is before she can, and it nearly costs them everything.

This comes back to haunt her at the end of the first season. The guilt of dropping the egg is weighing on Rayla and she will not let herself believe it was anyone’s fault but her own, even though Callum was also arguing with her.

“I let you both down. I let the world down.”

Rayla has a lot of internalized guilt that she does not let herself let go. It might have been taught by her Moonshadow elf culture or it may have been something she learned on her own, but either way, it has shaped how she thinks of herself and how she handles situations.

Emotional Vulnerability

Like all characters, Rayla has moments of weakness. How she handles those moments is what differs her from other characters. The first true glimpse of this we get is after Callum told his aunt that Rayla is a bloodthirsty monster. Rayla says to Callum, “I can’t believe you’re such a jerk.” Her hood’s on, her back is turned, slouching away from the boys with her arms wrapped around her knees.

This kind of standoffish behavior is displayed in her again the very next episode where Rayla admits to being afraid of water. “I guess I was afraid of being afraid.” This is another example of how the Moonshadow elf ideology can be harmful. Rayla comes from a culture where weakness and vulnerability are things for which to be ashamed. A culture that ghosts their own people if there is even the slightest notion of that person having betrayed them — without any chance of explanation. Although she doesn’t know it, that is exactly what happened to her parents.

When she opens up about this, Callum tries to comfort her by putting a hand on her shoulder, but she pulls away. Rayla does not like to be touched when she feels vulnerable. This is a very interesting detail about her, especially as her and Callum’s relationship develops.

One of Rayla's main conflicts in season 1 and 2 is hesitation and struggling to do the right thing. She knows what she’s supposed to be and what she’s supposed to do, but it hasn’t felt right to her. And that causes her to doubt herself.

This becomes a problem during their trek up the Cursed Caldera. Rayla doubts her ability to carry out Callum’s plan. Even when she is successful in carrying it out, she’s already in a state of panic, so when thousands of tiny slugs start crawling up her body, she’s understandably shaken. In a moment of weakness and desperation, Rayla calls out for help. Callum uses Aspiro to blow away the tiny slug monsters, and she gives him a subtle angry look.

Rayla becomes defensive when she’s vulnerable. Her body language becomes closed off and she doesn’t speak as much. This is shown again after Rayla sees the illusion of the mummy turning to dust. She tells everyone, “There was no one there.” This may have been more to protect the kids than herself, as she admits to Callum in confidence what she saw. Interestingly, Callum doesn’t put a hand on her shoulder here, or try to reach out to her at all. He simply asks, “Are you okay?” and lets her open up. And she does. A little.

That’s the thing about Rayla. She doesn’t like being caught off her guard. If she’s going to open up, it’s gonna be on her terms. And this includes being touched.

Right before the Wonderstorm when Rayla is blaming herself for the egg’s fading, Ezran reaches out to her. “You tried, Rayla. You’re so good. And brave.” Here Rayla accepts Ezran’s hug. Though, there was a bit of warning in his approach, and he was also tearing up. This is another notable detail about her character. Although Rayla does not like being touched when she feels vulnerable, she does reach out to people she cares about when they’re the ones who are upset. She does it here with Ezran, and later after Callum finally finds out about Harrow, Rayla hugs him. Rayla is not devoid of empathy. She is capable of being there for people for support or as a shoulder to lean on. But she lacks foresight in how her own actions could affect her loved ones emotionally.

Still, Rayla does get better with being vulnerable in increments, particularly when it means helping Callum. At the end of season 2, she clings to him while he’s in his coma. She even goes as far as to nearly admit her feelings, only pulling away at the last second when he wakes up. But that isn’t the last time she’s vulnerable for him. She opens up again to Sol Regem, offering her hand to Callum and admitting she cannot finish their mission without him. However, what both of these scenes have in common is that Rayla is in control. Rayla is opening up on her own terms, no one is pressuring her to do it. It is not that Rayla is incapable of being vulnerable or opening up, it’s that she has to do it by her own choice.

And this is where hers and Callum’s love languages clash. Rayla hates being touched when she’s vulnerable, but it’s Callum’s instinct to reach out to her when she’s upset. The day after visiting the Silvergrove and finding out she’s been ghosted, Callum approaches her about how she must be feeling. But once again, Rayla keeps her back to him and says as little as possible — even denying that the previous day was difficult for her. When Callum pries and approaches her on the ambler, she snaps at him and insists that she’s fine. Finally, when he hears her crying in the oasis he reaches out to her again, only for her to smack him in the face with a pillow and run away.

And even when she tells him to leave her alone, that “she doesn’t want him to see her like this,” he still puts a hand on her shoulder. Of course, she immediately pulls away, once again shadowing that she does not like to be touched when she’s upset. To her, it’s like someone breaking through her armor.

Callum reaches out to her again, and again, she steps away. Neither of them are in the wrong here. Rayla does not like being touched when she’s upset, but it’s Callum’s instinct to comfort her the same way he’s been comforted in the past — with hugs and reassurance that he’s not alone.

Their love languages conflict because their upbringings do. Callum comes from a family that respects each others’ feelings and encourages free expression with games such as “big feelings time”. Rayla comes from a culture that denies fear and weakness and praises hardened hearts. And all those pent up feelings, at least in Rayla, manifest as anger and defensiveness. She closes herself off, she snaps at Callum. She acts like she is alone — like she has to deal with her feelings, alone.

By not letting the people who love her help her, she’s not only pushing them away, but she’s hurting them. When all they want to do is be there for her. It’s only when Callum snaps back and tells her to shut up that she allows him to talk. Callum has to talk her out of her hurt feelings before she finally lets him take her hands.

Of course, Rayla isn’t required to open up if she doesn’t want to. Callum simply isn’t used to that kind of behavior. Because of his family, he’s used to people being open and honest about their feelings. And he does slowly learn not to touch Rayla when she’s upset, but to let her come to him in her own time.

Where Selflessness Becomes Selfish

Rayla often puts herself in danger to save the lives of others. She runs out of the oasis into the Midnight Desert to save one of the mounts. She saves Nyx from the soulfangs, and she sacrifices herself to save Zym at the end of season 3.

But wait. Aren’t these all selfless acts? Well, yes they are, but they’re also selfish to the people who care about her. However, these may be excusably selfish. Obviously, saving the mount and Nyx were noble acts, and saving Zym was necessary. But there are times where Rayla is self-sacrificing for no reason.

Initially, Callum and Rayla planned for the group to leave the Storm Spire with Zym before Viren’s army arrived. Then Rayla said she was going to stay at the Spire to fight a hopeless battle by herself and die. And all she says to Callum after this reveal is “Goodbye”.

This is a scene that actually makes me angry. Rayla accuses Callum of “not knowing her at all”. Which is an extremely unfair thing for her today just days after he described her to Nyx as “selfless, strong and caring. She does what’s right even if it puts her own life in danger.” Callum loves Rayla, even if at this point he hadn’t said it yet. For her to suggest that he doesn’t know her is honestly a pretty selfish thing for her to do. And then — she runs away again. Just like she always does when her “armor” is breached, as if he touched her. And this is where that behavior is a problem, because she’s avoiding a conversation about a decision that affects Callum just as well as her.

That isn’t to say Callum was right in how he handled their argument, but understand where he is coming from. The girl he loves is willingly and pointlessly sacrificing herself for a hopeless battle and expecting him to be alright with that. And the last thing she was ever going to say to him was “Goodbye”. Her death would not have even served a purpose. She was going to throw her life away by herself for — as both her and Callum put it — “redemption”. A redemption that she didn’t need to earn, and even if she did, wouldn’t it be better to earn it through helping to protect Zym?

Rayla values certain ethics more than she values herself, and that turns into selfishness when it hurts people who care about her and she acts like it shouldn’t.

Again, though, these acts of self sacrifice are sometimes necessary. Rayla becoming the last dragon guard concludes her “honor” arc satisfyingly. She doesn’t do it out of cowardice. She isn’t trying to stay out of the heat of battle. She believes the enemy will make it up to the Spire and that she will have to defend Zym. And she’s right.

Sacrificing herself to save Zym was not unnecessary or selfish. It was a genuine act of self sacrifice for the greater good, and it is a testament to Rayla’s courage and heart. I do not believe she was thinking of herself or anyone else when she did it. Only of keeping Zym safe.

Unfortunately, that is not the end of the story. It continues in the canon graphic novel taking place between season 3 and 4. Rayla’s understandably upset about losing Runaan and her parents without fully knowing what happened to them. Callum reached out to her at first, before pulling his hand back. Once again, his instinct is to reach out to her, but he knows Rayla doesn’t work that way. If she’s going to open up about her feelings, it will be by her own volition.

So instead of reaching out to her or trying to convince her that her feelings are misplaced, he apologizes, saying he doesn’t like seeing her upset. And that little bit of space he gives works. She goes to him and leans on his shoulder, hugs him, and even agrees to try going on vacation.

Unfortunately, the supposed vacation does not work, and only further reminds Rayla of what is bothering her. She runs off from the group, still distressed about not knowing. Not knowing what happened to Viren, Runaan or her parents. The uncertainty is what’s troubling her.

She removes herself from the group and Callum follows her. Though to his credit, he does almost immediately offer to leave, and she’s the one who tells him to stay.

During their time alone, Rayla does open up a little about losing the people she loves. Then Callum makes the mistake of putting a hand on her arm while saying he knows how she feels.

I may be biased here, but Callum was once again valid in his argument. When Rayla snaps that he at least knows what happened to the people he’s lost, he says, “Yes, I know what happened to them! One of the people you’re so worried about killed my stepfather!”

His stance in the next panel tells me he’s been holding on to that one for a long time, but he didn’t want to say it because he knows Runaan is important to Rayla. It isn’t until she insinuates that she has it worse that he lets it out.

I’m not saying either one of them is in the wrong. Both of their feelings are valid. Rayla has every right to want to know what happened to her loved ones. But she shouldn't be taking that out on Callum. And it especially irks me that at the end of the argument, she accuses him of not having “moved on” from the tensions between humans and elves that are still very much a recent thing. A thing that has affected him personally, but he’s still able to look past that tension because he loves her. He loves Rayla, but she has a bad habit of forgetting that.

At the end of the graphic novel, Rayla leaves Callum to search for Viren — even after she promised him they would go together. This is the choice that inspired this analysis. She did it because she loves Callum and she did not want to risk losing him, but as we know from the clips for season 4, she’d be gone for two years.

This is where selflessness becomes selfish. For the entire book, Rayla’s been upset because of the not knowing. Then she did the same thing to Callum, without any forethought that it would make him feel exactly how she feels about losing her loved ones.

This is another example of how she forgets Callum loves her. Rayla does not understand her own worth. This results in selfless acts of self-sacrifice, but it also results in selfish acts of self-sacrifice. There comes a point where her actions are not only unnecessary, but harmful to the people who love her. It is a great example of character writing — using her greatest strength as her greatest flaw. But from an in-story perspective, Rayla needs to better put herself in the minds of others and gauge how her actions would affect them. Not thinking helped when it came to saving the dragon prince, but it was ultimately selfish when abandoning Callum.

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