#rent is fucking expensive here ok

[discountwives]

roommate charging me more for rent ugh. glad she caught me in a decent mood bc i wouldve been passive aggressive bc she hasnt fucking cleaned. like obviously now im pissed. shes like i dont want to do that and then you move out. like uhhh. id rather move out, pay the extra not to have you here tbh. i like her but i have my room and thats it. i cant even sit in the licing room bc its all her crap

#rent is fucking expensive here ok #im already paying 80 JUST TO BE IN MY ROOM #like i dont have any space in the living room and ofc i can use the kitchen and bathroom but #i literally had to BUY a mini fridge to keep my smaller things #she gave me a DRAWER IN THE FRIDGE ugh #i have very little freezer space #for the bathroom. she has her laundry basket in there so it kinda takes up a lot of space. #the cabinets have all her soap and towels #im just frustrated #im gonna sit her down later #im just like #ok im not payinh extra if you arent gonna clean #this was supposed to be GONE by the time i moved in. IN JANUARY. #im just gfyghh ugh. #no im not doing it anymore. #shes asking for 975 like girl i understand but clean your shit #then i wont have to run my ac on bc its hot as fuck in there #and i can chill in the living room when youre not here ugh #jude jests 🃏 #shes a family friend and no one had it in them to tell me she lived like this #LITRTALLY THE PIC OF GOOFY. #damn bitch you live like this

[rosicheeks]

😭

#idk man I swear there’s a joke somewhere in here #but I love love looOooOoOove how when you’re depressed #one of the ways to feel somewhat ok is by taking meds #ya? #but then you go pick them up and #the dude is like ‘ok yeah this small pill bottle to make you happy is $100 #hahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahaahhahaha fuck me #I love how it’s supposed to make me happy #but now I’m just stressed about being able to pay rent #like my dude how the fuck does this work #why is everything so fucking EXPENSIVE #I want to take care of myself? #gotta pay for healthy ingredients to cook? #wanna take meds? #ok here take my entire fucking bank account why not #fuuuuuck off #I was so happy cause one of my snap babes tipped me so I went out and got a little painting supplies 🥰 #but now that I’m so low I have to return a bunch of it so I can pay for rent #now I’m just bitching so pls ignore me #I just UGHHHHHHHHHHSHDJSKSNSJNFISNSKSKSNSJDNDJWNSJDKSNXJSJ #life is so hard #shut up rosie

[v-iv-rusty]

I am going to bake so much shit this week

#misc.txt #for context I'm house sitting for a friend for 2ish weeks and they're letting me stay in the two room guest house they have #WHICH MEANS I can cook and bake and do whatever without being harassed every time I step into the kitchen :) #I just need to go shopping tomorrow #ok but for real this is. so nice?? #I brought my pc #+ my drawing tablet and stuff #it's.....so quiet here?? there's no yelling?? I don't feel tense for the first time in years?? #I feel.....ok. when I'm out of the house and away from the main sources of my stress. my anxiety overall is just so much less intense #and it hasn't even been a full day away yet. it's just. so quiet. #and I can actually cook fuck yeah!! I need to find some good recipies to make so I'm not eating out for 2 weeks bc that's expensive #I'm going to make baklava and possibly a pie but neither of those are meals so. you know what though I do have a soup I want to try making #but like I can!! and nobody's going to get pissed at me for....breathing wrong!! or taking up space!! #I kind of feel like I don't even know what to do with myself when I don't have to constantly force myself to act a certain way #my friend is going to have a Lot of pastries and things waiting for them when they get back. after I go shopping tomorrow. #literally it feels so nice to just be able to........exist #now if I could just find an apartment that isn't $500000 a month rent I could have this all the time

[thatskindasapphic]

Trying to build savings in this economy is fucking impossible. Like if its not groceries its rent or car payments or school or phone bills or vet appointments or the dentist or medication etc etc so my savings acct takes forever to make any progress. And then because all of my income is going to yk. Life. If I actually want anything non-essential like clothes, a video game, a book, a cool piece of art, etc I have to dip into my savings for it and it makes me feel guilty so I don't ever indulge. And like at this point what am I even saving for? The average cost of a house in my country is like what. $700,000 or more? I'm never going to have a job with an income that would qualify me for a mortage like that. So whats the point of saving anyways?? Ok I'm sorry for being pessimistic its ok everything will be fine. Rant over

#h talks #like I have insurance but does the insurance cover 100% of costs? fuck no #I have two senior dogs with health issues so like all of my money goes to them #and its just so tiring cause I can't really work any more? I'm already burnt out and in debilitating pain as it is #I have my one job and then respite work but its not like the respite is super consistent? #and its just like ok realistically I might never have a partner so I won't have anyone to split the cost of a house with like other ppl do #Just. UGHHHH #I need to get my eyeglass prescription updated but I just know its going to be so fucking expensive so I've been holding off on it #and the only reason I have any savings to begin with is because I was working all through high school . I got a head start #and like if its bad for me how bad is it for everyone else who isn't as privileged yk? #if any of you tell me to invest I'll attack you. no fucking way am I touching the stock market #I have to take a look into gov subsidy and see if I qualify #like I live at home and still have all these expenses. plus the living here is its own expense on my health #I have friends who live at home who don't have pay rent or groceries or anything AND they have good parents. god I wish that were me #OK RANT OVER IM DONE BEING VULNERABLE

[sailoryooons]

alright fuck it somebody's gotta ask for some fluff around here. i want in the soop vibes !!! but it's just you and yoongi settling into the place you've rented for a weekend away bc you're forcing him to take a break. you share expensive whiskey and he cooks for you and it's domestic and CUTE (and like it could get smutty if you waaaaant idk idk). ok love you you're doing amazing sweetie !!!

❀ Pairing: Yoongi x f. reader

❀ Summary: A cozy trip to the woods is exactly what you and Yoongi need to manage your stress. You especially love the moments when Yoongi gets to enjoy you right by the fireside. 

❀ Word Count: 2,352

❀ Genre: Fluff, established relationship, smut

❀ Rating: 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging and reading this content. It contains explicit content and any minors discovered reading or engaging with this work will be blocked immediately. 

❀ Warnings: Teeth-rotting fluff, Yoongi and reader are really touching but in a cutesy way, recreational drinking but no one gets drunk, explicit language, explicit sexual content including nipple play, vaginal fingering, a little bit of overstimualtion, light teasing, and a lot of WAP. 

❀ Published: August 1, 2023

❀ A/N: It’s cool it only took me an entire year to finish this request for the literal love of my entire life. And the best part? They’re now back to read it! Thank you for being my best friend and my light in the dark and the moon to my stars and also for picking oral or fingies even though I don’t know if you knew what you were picking them for skdjgndfigdh te quireo mas, mi vida. 

❀ Disclaimer: All members of BTS are faces and name claims for this story. This is entirely a work of fiction and by no means is meant to be a projection, judgment or representation of real-life people. Any scenarios or representations of the people and places mentioned in works are not representative of real-life scenarios.

| Masterlist | Ask | Hali’s Happy Agust | Part Two |

Yoongi squeezes the back of your neck gently, making you look up from your book poised in your lap. Smoke from the grill catches on the wind and blows south, carrying the smell of sizzling meat. Yoongi doesn’t look at you, flipping pork belly with one hand while keeping his other hand on you.

“Will be ready in five,” he informs you, eyes inspecting the grilling vegetables on the top layer of the grill. “Better finish your chapter.”

You smile at that, pleased that he knows that you won’t want to get up from the chair you’ve drawn across the porch to sit next to him until you finish your chapter. Nodding, you dive back into your book, determined to finish before Yoongi’s done grilling.

It’s hard to concentrate, though. Dinner smells amazing, the smoky scent of meal and glazed veggies filling the porch. The weight and warmth of Yoongi’s hands as he kneads the muscles of your neck is comforting, Yoongi determined to keep his hold on you despite cooking.

Moments like this are few and far in between. Instead of reading, you take a second to soak it all in. Around your rented cabin is a stretch of evergreens and mountains, the blue sky turning liquid gold as the sun sets somewhere beyond the peak of the mountains. 

Evening blankets the woods around you, urging the crickets to start up their nightly hymns and birds to flit from tree to tree as they head to their nests for the night. It’s not quite autumn yet, but there’s a chill in the air at this elevation, chased away by Yoongi’s closeness and the smoking grill. 

“Come on,” he urges gently, giving you one more squeeze. “Ready.”

“I didn’t finish my chapter.”

“With all that staring into the trees, I’m not surprised. You looking for bears out there?”

“I was living in the moment. Plus, maybe a werewolf will appear.”

“Hmm. Come live in the moment with this pork before you turn into a werewolf from hunger.”

Dinner is spread out on a picnic bench table, platters of meat and vegetable skewers and steaming sides. Yoongi slides on the bench next to you, bumping your shoulder. He leans and gives you a gentle kiss on your head before turning to the food, reaching for skewers. 

You flush with warmth, smiling over at him. Having him to yourself like this is wonderful. He’s warm and calm, smelling like cedar and smoke. Leaning into him a bit, you load your plate, both of you eating in silence as you watch the sky shift through layers of gold to pink and purple. 

String lights on timers buzz above you, lighting the porch in warm, gold light. The air is chilly by the time you finish your meal, full and satiated. Together, you pick up what’s left and head inside, a shiver crawling up your spin from the breeze. 

“I’ll start a fire,” Yoongi murmurs, smacking your ass as you head to the kitchen full of plates. You squeal and he laughs, deep and throaty. 

When you’re done with the dishes, you pour two glasses of whisky. You stop just behind the couch, watching him as he stretches to spread out the corner of a blanket. There are piles of pillows surrounding him and extra blankets, a nest of his own creation in front of a warm, crackling fire. 

Yoongi looks cozy. His nose is a little red from being outside and his long hair is tucked under a beanie. He’s shed the flannel he had on earlier, now in just sweatpants and a t-shirt that stretches across his shoulders. You don’t remember when he got so broad, but your stomach does a flip as you watch him, taking in all the things you’ve missed in the last few, very stressful months.

Sensing your stare, Yoongi looks up at you. His face brightens immediately, a small smile appearing on his face. “Hi.”

“You look cozy,” you tease.

“Missing the main ingredient.” He sits down and pats the space in between his legs. “Come on.”

Giddy, you hurry over to Yoongi, who takes the glasses from your hand and sets them to the side. Yoongi leans back against the rows of pillows he’s wedged up in front of the couch, legs spread for you. You sit down gently between them, your legs kicked out in front of you as you lean back into Yoongi’s warmth.

Cedar and smoke wrap around you. You can feel Yoongi’s heart beating through your back as you melt into him, sighing. He brings his arms around you, lifting one of the glasses for you to take.

“Better,” Yoongi hums, voice like velvet. “Much better.” 

Leaning your head into the crook between his neck and shoulder, you tip your glass back, swigging the smoky, burning whisky. You make a content sound, drawing a laugh from Yoongi. The sound rumbles against you. 

“Let’s stay here forever,” you mutter, gazing at the crackling flames. “We don’t need to go back.”

“Okay.”

“Really, just like that?”

You feel him shrug behind you. “I’m always down to do what you want. If you’re a bird, I’m a bird and all that.”

“God did you watch The Notebook with Jimin again?”

Yoongi’s laughter is louder this time. “Maybe so.” 

Night stretches on and your whisky glass empties. It’s not enough to make you feel buzzed, but you feel snug in Yoongi’s arms, turning your head to press your nose against his neck. He shivers behind you and you giggle, nuzzling him further. 

Yoongi nudges the glasses further away. His hands wrap around your middle and he squeezes you, turning his head so that his mouth rests against your forehead. Your skin buzzes where his lips are pressed, warm and wet as his tongue slips out and across your forehead.

“Ewww, Yoongi!”

He laughs. “What do you mean ‘ew’? You weren’t saying ew last night when my tongue was in that pussy.” 

Yoongi’s words are heavy. They sink right through you to your core, a lick of arousal hot in your stomach as his hands drift from your waist to your thighs. Even through sweats, your skin heats up as his palms skate gently over the fabric, fingers squeezing as they go.

You squirm in his lap and Yoongi tuts, making you go boneless. Burying your face in his neck, you let his hands brush back up and under the hem of your shirt, jumping when his calloused fingers make contact with the softness of your stomach. A small sound escapes you, his tough featherlight and sending chills up your spine. 

Every drag of his touch across your skin makes you feel hotter than the fireplace in front of you. You suck in a sharp breath as he drags his fingers on the underside of your breasts, soft-slow touch driving you mad. You squeeze your eyes shut, pressing your back into him as you arch a little, unable to sit entirely still.

Yoongi just laughs, the sound like honey dripping in your ears. 

“Kiss me,” he says softly, nudging you with his head. 

It feels like your head weighs a ton when you lift it to look up at him, your world spinning. His gaze is dark, smile lazy as he leans forward, pressing your lips to his. Yoongi’s mouth is slow and decadent, sucking at your bottom lip gently before pressing his tongue against your lips.

Years ago when you’d kissed Yoongi for the first time, you knew that no one else could kiss you like this. No one else could brush their tongue against yours, making your thighs squeeze together with just the simple melding of mouths. Now, you can’t get enough of his wet mouth on yours, leaning up into him as he hum-laughs at your eagerness.

Distracted, you barely realize that his hands are cupping your tits now until his thumbs brushing gently over your hardened nipples. You gasp into his mouth and he doesn’t let up, turning the slow kiss into something a little more demanding, a little hungrier.

Yoongi could swallow you whole and you’d let him. He could burn you up from the inside out after taking you apart piece by piece and lighting you on fire.

He pinches your nipples, pleasure rippling through you. The effect reverberates to your aching cunt, thighs pressed together to relieve the throb between your legs. Too easy for him. You know it’s easy and you used to hate it, but now, as Yoongi keeps one hand tweaking a nipple and the other slides down, you love it.

Love that he works you up like this. Loves that he knows how. Love that he can give you what you want without making you beg too much for it.

Tonight, Yoongi is indulgent. His hand is sure as it slips beneath the waistband of your sweats. You part your legs for him, placing them on the outside of his spread knees. He lets out a hum of appreciation, fingers slipping between your sticky folds.

“Good girl,” he whispers. You don’t know if he means because you’re dripping for him or because you open yourself up to him without command. Maybe it’s both. “Such a wet pussy, hmm?”

You nod, dropping your mouth from his lips to his neck, your lips messy and spit-slicked against his soft skin. Your tongue darts out, laving the tender spot beneath his ear and he moans. “Please,” you ask, kissing him there. “Don’t tease me.”

“I’m not.”

He continues to drag his fingers up and down your pussy, careful to avoid your clit. You feel like you’re going to fall away into time and space, but it’s also not nearly enough. Your thighs squeeze, fighting the urge to shut your legs.

“You arrrre.” 

“Only a little.” 

Finally - finally - Yoongi applies pressure to your clit, circling it gently with the collected juices from your leaking entrance. You soften in his hold, complete putting as he draws fluttering gasps and breaths from you, pleasure blossoming from your pussy to your stomach. 

Biting your lip, you squirm a little in his lap. Yoongi’s legs spread a little wider, pulling your legs apart further, the stretch in your thighs pleasure-laced pain added to the stimulation. Yoongi lets go of your chest, sliding his hand down to tug at your sweats.

“Help me out, baby.” 

Lifting your ass for him, you help him pull your sweats down but not all the way off. It’s just enough to display your glistening cunt in the firelight. He doesn’t delay a second, hand coming back to use one middle finger to lazily trace patterns around  your clit and the other to explore further, teasing your hole.

“Greedy,” he mumbles. You’re not sure if he’s talking to you or your pussy as he slips a finger in, making your hips buck. “Keep still.”

“It’s hard,” you shoot back as he slowly begins to fuck you with his finger, his other hand careful not to stimulate you too fast. “Feels good.”

“Better than your own fingers when I’m gone?”

“Yes.” 

“Better than-”

“Not better than your cock,” you gasp as his finger brushes against your g-spot. “Stop asking stupid questions, Yoongi.”

He just laughs but concedes, setting a pace matched with both of his hands. Your eyes roll back as you sink low against him, hips sliding down further to chase his thrusting hand. He pulls you apart so easily, knowing exactly the speed and depth to press, knows exactly when to add another finger, the stretch and pressure maddening. 

Flames lick at the logs in front of you, heating up your skin even more. Yoongi is relentless, pulling you toward your orgasm at an agonizing pace. After years of practice, no one knows how to lure you better than him, no one knows how to string you up on the edge of a precipice, breath stilted, body shaking. 

“Come on,” he murmurs, kissing your neck. “You want it so bad.”

And you do want it. You’re a writhing mess, feet digging into the blankets beneath you, legs straining against the waistband of your sweats that are pulled to the knees, nails digging into Yoongi’s forearms. The wet sound of him working your cunt makes the room spin, your arousal loud and messy and so so so good.

“Fuck,” you growl through gritted teeth. You clench up around his fingers, leg muscles twitching, shoulders pulling in as you start to seize up. “I’m gonna-”

You can’t finish your sentence. He thrusts his fingers harder, pressing right up against your soft spot, the pressure driving you to the edge of insanity. You think you’ll break in his hands, shatter to pieces with the force building in your gut.

“Yeah,” Yoongi agrees, as he slips a third finger in, fucking you hard, leaning forward and bending you in half as he uses the leverage to thrust his fingers upward. “You’re fucking gonna.” 

“Shit!”

Between the angle, Yoongi’s knowing hands, and the sloppy, all tongue and teeth kiss he places on your shoulders, you break. You come around his fingers hard, wet, hot and screaming his name. He keeps going, the soaked sound of his fingers fucking your hole bracketed by your cursing as you squeal and lean away from him, trying to escape the grip of your orgasm.

Yoongi doesn’t let you. He pulls every drop of it out of you until you’re seeing white, your body filled with static. He goes until you’re boneless once more, useless in his lap as you gasp raggedly for air. Sweat-slick, overheated and mindless, you lay in his lap for a second as he slowly pulls his hands back. You feel empty without them, whining. 

“Hush,” he admonishes, biting your arm lightly. “I’m not done with you yet.” 

#yoongi smut #suga smut #min yoongi smut #yoongi fanfic #yoongi x reader #bts suga #bts fanfic #minors do not interact #minors dni #bts suga smut #halis happy agust #yoongi fluff

[agendabymooner]

𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 !!! 𝐥𝐧𝟒 — 𝐨𝐧𝐞

☼ WHO TF IS LANDO NORRIS?

chapter summary: honey-sue is… honey-sue. she knows who she idolizes (and have a crush on; mason mount), she knows that she’s looking forward to getting the hell out of the university after two years of her masters degree program, and she knows that she doesn’t care about the formula one teams that aren't mercedes amg - she also knows she cares about mick schumacher.

so when her fans (who were coincidentally fans of the sports as well) began to ask her things about her lack of interest, more people (mostly just a group of british youtubers and a certain f1 driver) immediately shifted their attention towards the socially awkward woman as she and her brother got invited to a party in monaco hosted by an f1 driver. newsflash: it wasn’t hosted by either lewis hamilton or george russell.

content warning: use of explicit language, chatfic + tweets, mentions of social anxiety

masterlist

HONEY-SIUUUUU

jideeee 😚😚

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

who dis?

HONEY-SIUUUUU

stfu you know this is your best girl stop capping

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

no? idk who you are

HONEY-SIUUUUU

so if i were to say that i told simon about you using his towel to clean up the mess you made in his room then you wouldn’t be phased about it?

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

naw fam i’m all jokes 😭 don’t tell simon

what’s up, honey??? can’t pay your rent this month?

HONEY-SIUUUUU

oh har har 😒 we all know who’s most likely got more money in her savings

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

and we also know who’s most likely to get someone anything she wants because that someone refuses to use her money on any stupid shit for once

HONEY-SIUUUUU

fuck off i’m being practical. at least i haven’t lost my money to crypto

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

ouch ok. i’m hurt 😒

HONEY-SIUUUUU

anyways. I GOT MY FINAL GRADES BACK 😭😭 I WANNA TELL U FIRST BC I FEEL LIKE YOUD BE MORE EXCITED FOR ME

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

ong??? holy shit, that’s fast. did you make it to the president’s list???

HONEY-SIUUUUU

ok but what do i get when i tell you the result? /jk

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

a pat on the back and congratulations? 🤣

HONEY-SIUUUUU

i’m expecting for something more than that but as long as you’re fulfilling your promises i’m solid

BUT ANYWAYS I GOT THE ONLY 4.0 AND PRESIDENT’S LIST 😭😭😭

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

HOLY SHIIIIT LEZGOOOOO

smart ting you are what the fuckkkkk

happy for you honey!!!!! 😮‍💨

lowk wish i’m there rn to celebrate that with you and the mandem 🙃 stupid boxing trainings

HONEY-SIUUUUU

ugh don’t even worry about it jj 😁😁 i was just v excited to share this to u

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

i’ll make it up to you i promise!!! i’m hella proud of u and ur ability to not even have a breakdown during those days ✊

i gtg tho 🙏 congrats again bro! lmk when ur graduation’s gonna be and what u want for this. i’ll ttyl

HONEY-SIUUUUU

forget about it jj— i was just joking when i said get me sumn

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

it’s a good thing i don’t listen to you whenever you tell me not to get you something huh?

HONEY-SIUUUUU

that’s just your guilt from calling me a sket on harry’s diss track.

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

haha just tell me what u want and i’ll get it sorted out as soon as possible

HAROLDINHO

oi honey

PLONKER

oi harold

HAROLDINHO

i’m at the mailbox rn

u got a package

PLONKER

gee do you ever wonder what the mailboxes are for? 🤔🤔

HAROLDINHO

i was going to bring it upstairs but i guess never mind 😒

a simple “oh really? thanks harry!” would suffice

PLONKER

just get up here and bring it 🤡 you could’ve just brought it up instead of texting me

what’s so special about it that you had to text me before you get up here n e ways??

HAROLDINHO

i dunno. something about it screams fancy.

did you get any bag by chance because this seems a bit too expensive

PLONKER

i don’t buy expensive stuff online???

can you come up so i can open it?

HONEY-SIUUUUU

JJ ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!

LIKE YOURE NOT PULLING MY LEG? AND HARRY’S?!!!

IS THIS REALLY MONACO GP?!

JJ YOU BETTER RESPOND NOW OR IM GONNA BREAK IN YOUR HOUSE AND I KNOW WHERE YOU PUT THE KEYS TO YOUR LAMBO

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

sorry i was on the gym

don’t break into my house

and yes??? you said to get you something right?

HONEY-SIUUUUU

yeah but i was joking 😭😭

this is so cool

but this is expensive. do you take paypal?

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

no tf 🤣

as i said. i’d get you anything you want. but you didn’t tell me what you wanted so i just asked the boys

HONEY-SIUUUUU

you never should’ve listened to harry lmfao

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

lol it was vik and simon who recommended we get you and harry those tickets lololol

i was like “hmm idk what to get her” so they were like get you a trip to monaco or something. they specifically said get you a paddock pass for mercedes

so like go see your michael schumacher or that ken doll you showed me

HONEY-SIUUUUU

jj babes 🤣🙃 mick is in haas

and the fact that we’re taking your jet too 😭😭 you didn’t have to go all out on me

but seriously thank you thank you thank you

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

letting you know as well that will, filly and chunkz are coming along. they got passes from mclaren and all that. it'll be a full plane lol. so it won’t be as overwhelming for you and harry to go alone

HONEY-SIUUUUU

no way?!!!! MY FRIEND FILLYS COMING ?! 😭😭

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

yeah lol

so you have fun in monaco. everything’s been paid for by your personal bank account

HONEY-SIUUUUU

ugh my personal bank account is so fucking amazing

i could give ‘im a lil kiss on the mouth rn 😮‍💨😮‍💨

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

naw don’t do that i don’t think your brother would like that

lmk if there’s anything else you’d like i’ll see what i can do 👍😉

HONEY-SIUUUUU

a little kiss of appreciation on the mouth for you?

SUGAR DADDY JAYJE

no 🤣🤣🤣

RIABISH

hey! i hope this isn’t so weird but you’re honey-sue right? wroetoshaw’s sister?

HONEYSUE

uh hi.

yes it’s me. it does say it on my username and bio. sorry if this is very rude.

RIABISH

no no! all good haha!

i just wanted to confirm! we got the information from will about you. i’ve known the sidemen and your brother but when he mentioned you were coming along to the race in monaco i had to look you up :)

i’m ria btw! i happened to be acquainted with him and filly bc we collab’d with them before. quadrant?

HONEYSUE

i’ve heard of you guys before because will spike a lot about you lots.

RIABISH

all good things i hope 😉

HONEYSUE

haha. yeah.

nice to meet you

RIABISH

likewise :))

we’ve been told of you because apparently you got lucky with ksi getting you free tickets and trip to monaco for the race

HONEYSUE

yeah idk.

i don’t watch formula one as much as i used to years ago. i don’t know much about who’s racing now and whatnot except from whatever’s happening with merc

RIABISH

oh… not at all?

not even mclaren?

HONEYSUE

no. this will be the first time i’ll be watching in a while.

RIABISH

you seem very nice!

listen, will and filly said you’re all flying in at the sunday before the race week begins. lando’s got will, filly and chunkz paddock passes and they’re all hanging around with us quadrant lots for the week.

would you and w2s be interested in coming with us? take you around monaco and get to know each other better since we all live in london and all :))) lando’s been wanting to meet harry for a while so him being in the monaco gp would def work out for all parties. lando will also be hosting a party in his flat in monaco. what do you think??

HONEYSUE

uh

to be honest you’ve lost me at the first message. if you don’t mind— can i ask who lando is? i’m not like any sidemen people— i don’t watch f1 as much as i used to.

i’ve heard of his name before. but that’s because there are people on my twitter saying he’s made references about my videos and songs and whatnot.

i really don’t know who he is

RIABISH

ah right.

that’s alright ;)

lando drives for mclaren and he has the driver number 4. he’s actually one of the members of quadrant. he races and all that! that’s how will and the lots got their passes lol

HONEYSUE

oh okay.

about the invitation.

i think it’s ideal you ask my brother or shoot him a message in insta about it.

he’ll gladly answer

thank you for the offer. i’m sure he’d say yes. i have to go sadly. i’ll talk to you later!

RIABISH

okie. ttyl 👋

MINI HARRY

you absolute knobhead

you call me socially inept all the time yet you’re out here trying to get me to talk to people?!

WILLIAM²

wdym?

oh my god. i am so so sorry

i didn’t think ria would actually be sending and shooting a message to your way

MINI HARRY

you know what

i don’t even care

whatever it’s not like i’d be talking to them anyway.

WILLIAM²

if you’re talking about not being around them during the week nice try.

because harry just said he’d come along with us in monaco before the race. so the chances of you being friends with the quadrant lads are high.

i’m not sure if it’s just me but lando’s more than excited to meet you. harry just ok’d that you two would hang out with us.

MINI HARRY

oh my god. does anybody in my circle ever use their brain?!

#formula one fanfiction #formula one x oc #formula one imagine #formula one smau #f1 smau #f1 fanfic #lando norris x oc #lando norris imagine #lando norris smau #lando norris social media au #f1 fic #f1 imagine #formula one fic #lando norris fanfic #sidemen smau #sidemen au #sidemen imagine #🍯 honey honey! ln4 smau

[yourmomsemogarlicbread]

Club Lights And Sex On The Beach (PARTS 2 & 3)

Pairings: Josh Kiszka x Reader

Warnings: none pretty much! just fluffy post-hookup stuff, and plot-building stuff too.

Summary: You wake up in Josh's apartment, who could interrupt? And who even is the man you just hooked up with?

Authors Note: Please read part 1 if you haven't! this is also part 2 and 3 because they are so short. enjoy!

and again you may read on AO3 here.

Part 2

You wake up in his bed, a piercing headache from the night before rocking in your skull. You turn over to see his back facing you, graced by the gentle morning sun. You stretch as you sit up in bed, quickly realizing that you’re still very much naked. Memories of the previous night swirl in your head a bit more vividly now, realization setting in as you look around the room. Who did you sleep with? After all, you did go back to his fancy-ass apartment building. The art on his walls looks expensive, and assuming by the architecture of his room, it looks to have a rent upwards of a couple thousand a month. You hear him stirring in bed, looking back over at him you see him turn towards you, eyes still closed. You gently lay back down, turning your body to face his, a bit of self-indulgence never hurt anybody, right? The morning sleepiness still clinging to you helps put an end to your staring. You gently close your eyes briefly as you enjoy the comfort of what’s frankly the best one-night stand you’ve ever had. With all the bands you’ve gotten drunk with over the years from your brief time as an assistant, this had got to be the most fulfilling. Josh is a gorgeous man, probably the most handsome man you have ever seen. His beauty could kill anyone he wished, yet his kindness would prevent him from doing so, you barely know this man, by my god, did you already feel yourself falling. It’s slight, but it’s present. 

You open your eyes again to the sound of Josh’s tired yawn penetrating the room. “Good morning, mama,” he says with a stretch, the nickname makes your fear of falling worsen. “Good morning,” you say, taking the opportunity to stretch yourself out and sit up in bed. “Do you care for breakfast?” he asks, snaking a hand around your waist in bed, giving you a chaste kiss. You look back at him, giving a sweet but simple reply of “I’d love that.” as you thank him with a kiss. You smile as he gets out of bed, going to his dresser and pulling out a pair of boxers and a t-shirt with the words “saint vocal” followed by some random text you didn’t bother to read. What if he’s a singer? you think briefly. No, he couldn’t be what are the chances? You put on his kind offerings as you watch him get dressed alongside you, only in boxers and grey sweatpants. My god, he isn’t helping with this “casual hookup” ordeal, isn't he? 

You stand in front of him, walking up to him and hugging him. He grasps your waist, kissing you once more with a smile you can feel. You hear a door slam, breaking you from your enjoyable kiss. You look back at Josh to see the panic in his eyes. “Josh! Where are you dude you should be up by now!” 

“Shit,” he whispers to you, quickly ushering you to the closet. “I’m so sorry, it’s my brother just hide here for a second ok?” He pushes you back into the closet profusely apologizing with only his eyes alone. You look around the walk-in closet around you now. Damn, he is rich, isn’t he? You sit down on the small ottoman next to you, waiting out whatever is going on. You can’t help but overhear their conversation as Josh and one of his brothers enter his bedroom. 

“Josh, my brother, I swear to god you went home with a girl last night.” 

“Jake, I swear to god I didn’t. And if I did I would tell you.” 

“No, you wouldn’t.” 

“Yes, I would.” 

“Bullshit.” 

You hear footsteps walk towards the closet door. Fuck. You quickly make an attempt at hiding throwing yourself among the shirts and suits hung up. Praying that Jake doesn’t open the door, you wait. 

“Huh, ya know if there’s a girl in here I thought you’d try stopping from opening the closet.”

“I would because there isn’t a girl in there.”

“Yeah right, you’re such a horrible liar.”

The closet door opens. You hold your breath as you pray he doesn’t notice your feet sticking out among the carpet. You listen intently as a couple of moments pass. 

“Fine, I was wrong. I guess you weren’t whoring yourself out last night.”

“Thank you.” 

You feel a wave of relief wash over you, now just waiting for Jake to leave the closet. You hear footsteps walk around, to what you assume is towards Josh’s bedroom. 

And then the clothes are pulled apart and you’re face to face with him. 

“Good morning, darling.”

Shit.

Part 3

You look over to Josh who has his head in his hands, embarrassed beyond belief. “I’m so sorry,” he says with some sort of apologetic life. Jake turns to his brother and then back to you, holding out a hand. “Nice to see you again.” you sigh and take his hand in yours, “Nice to see you too Jake.” He laughs as he lets go, waltzing his way over to Josh, and giving him a pat on the shoulder. “You can never lie to me I hope you know that.” Josh looks up at him with animosity “Fuck off.”

You walk over to Josh as Jake decides to make himself at home and leaves the room. You take his head in your hands, locking eyes with his. “Hi.” he laughs and takes your hands in his. “I’m sorry about that, I don’t even know why he’s here.” you watch his eyes closely, pupils blown wide. “It’s perfectly ok, don’t stress it.” you slide your hands from his cheeks down to his collarbone. You watch his face relax as he grabs your hands and holds them in his. “Thank you-” “Josh, where the fuck our your eggs! I’m making your new fuck-buddy breakfast since you don’t want to.” You watch his face morph into irritation again, taking your hand in his and leading you to his kitchen. “One, they’re on the top shelf very right. Two, she is a guest and we will treat her with respect. And three, I was already making going to do that before you barged in asshat.” You laugh at their never-ending fighting, prime entertainment at its finest. Josh pulls out a seat for you at the island, motioning for you to sit. Taking a seat on the stool, you watch as the twins make you breakfast. Not exactly what you thought would be happening after a one-night stand but it's still a good outcome nonetheless.

You watch in love and lust-struck awe as you watch the twins not only manage to make you scrambled eggs with toast while also making up for their argument and becoming best friends before your eyes. Jake and Josh place the plate before you, both of them side by side giving you a warm smile. “Thank you very much,” you say. “Of course, who would we be if not the best post-hookup hosts?” you laugh at them while eating your eggs, nicely made, dare you say some of the best you’ve had in a while. Josh sits down next to you with his plate eating beside you in peaceful silence as Jake uses the bathroom. Josh turns to you, waiting for your attention. You turn back to him beckoning his response. “Ya know, I liked last night, like a lot.” you feel your cheeks warm. “I did too, like a lot.” you both let out small awkward laughs filling the silence. “I was wondering if maybe you would like to go on a date sometime, maybe next week?” Oh god, did this turn out in your favor? It sure as hell seems like it. “I would love to, Josh.”  you watch as his slight smile turns wide and bright, reminding you of the sun. You both manage to exchange numbers and set a date before Jake comes back. 

“Well, well, well, how’s your breakfast?” Jake asks as he walks back into the room, resting on his forearms on the island across from the two of you. “Great actually, thank you so much,” you respond. “My pleasure. Now, I think I might as well break the bad news to you, Josh.” you feel your heartbeat quicken just a bit, looking over to Josh to see him pause his chewing, looking back at his brother. 

“Oh god, what?”

“Our assistant quit.”

Oh shit. 

“What! Why? What the fuck?” Josh exclaims. “I mean right before the tour?”

Tour? Oh god, maybe he is a singer…

“I know! I mean like seriously we needed her, now we gotta find someone else.”

Would now be the time to mention that you’re in between jobs as an assistant now? No, you don’t want to make it awkward…

“I work as an assistant,” you say. Not meaning to say that out loud, your eyes go wide, panic filling your mind space slightly. “Wait actually?” Josh says, almost jumping out of his seat. “Yeah, I’m kinda looking for another job as an assistant right now…” you trail off awkwardly. You look back to both the twins, “But one question…” you state. “Yes?” Jake asks.

“Who even are you guys?”

#gvf #josh kiszka x reader #greta van fleet #jake gvf #danny wagner #sam kiszka #josh kiszka #greta van fic #greta van fleet fan fiction #multi chap fic #yourmomsgarlicbread writes #greta van fluff

[theywhowriteandknowthings]

Rich/Sugar Daddy!Joel x AFAB/F! Reader Pt 2 Excerpt: Celebrating You

General Warnings: 18+, as is the whole of my blog, I will mark anything specific but be aware this is predominantly a smutty blog with plot. DNI if you are a minor. By reading further you have taken the responsibility to do so with the warnings I have given.

Specific Warnings: Mentions of (former) sex work, protected PiV Sex, public sex, oral (F receiving), soft sub/dom dynamic

(Pt 1 here)

(Part 2 is now live!)

A little teaser for tomorrow’s chapter, looking to be 6k or more 😅 Let me know what you think! Are you excited?

Excerpt:

Strong hands grip your waist as you reach for the latch, you yelp in surprise as you’re spun around. You get ready to scream or cuss out your assailant when you see those soft, chocolate brown eyes looking at you with a hunger that makes your toes curl painfully in your tight heels. You feel yourself being drawn to him, those soft lips framed beautifully by his moustache.

“Fuck, and I thought you looked good in jeans and sneakers.” He rumbles, his thumbs digging into your hips with force enough to bruise.

“Joel what are you doing?” You gasp, your heart in your throat as you try to reign in the desire to pull him into a stall and let him fuck you against the door.

“Sorry, that was really inappropriate of me.” Joel says as you watch a blush creep over his face as he lets go of you. He steps back and looks bashful, a picture of the day you opened the door to him all that time ago.

“You never did know when to quit, huh?” You say, scraping your mind for an adequate quote, but it’s obscure so you’re not sure if he’ll get it. But the corner of his mouth twitches and you feel the rush of excitement stir in your chest.

“Damned good to see ya, Dutch.” He responds, completing the Predator quote without hesitation.

“Joel I-,” You start but he presses a firm finger to your lips, the sensation is maddening. You want to open your lips and take the digit into your mouth, suck on it and make him groan. You want him as much as you did a year ago, maybe more.

“It’s ok, I get it, you clearly got back on your feet, don’t need creepy old men like me to pay your rent.” He says, suddenly looking small in his expensive suit as he looks shyly at you through his thick glasses. Just like the way he looked at you on the bed.

“You're not old and that’s not why, well, yes I did get this job and it does pay well,” You say with a meek smile, “I like you Joel, I had an amazing night with you and I just felt weird about taking money from you again when I’d have done it for free.” You say, feeling small and foolish as you admit so much to a man you barely know.

“I see.” Is all Joel can say as he looks you up and down, clearly mulling something over behind those soft brown eyes. You feel anxiety gnawing at you as you realise Eileen could come looking for you any second. You had to make a decision, fast.

You step forward, hands trembling slightly as you cup his jaw, his facial hair tickles your thumbs as you rub soothingly against his jaw. You look into Joel’s eyes and watch as his pupils dilate, his tongue darts over his bottom lip and all restraint goes out of the window as you remember how it felt to have that very same tongue buried in your wet, needy cunt.

You both move in tandem, Joel’s hands fly to your hips as you pull him backwards into the stall, your lips crashing together with desperation. Your teeth bump together with a soft click and you both laugh as Joel turns to latch the door behind you. You’re both panting as you stand in the cubicle, the sink and toilet leaving very little room for your bodies.

“Sure you want to do this?” Joel asks softly, as he hesitates to touch you, his hands hovering over your hips.

“Buy me breakfast and it’s a deal.” You say breathily as you wrap your fingers around his wrists, guiding them to your hips. He pulls your hips against his slowly, sliding his hands around to cup your ass through your dress.

I hope you're excited and liked this teaser!

Part 2 is now live!

Tags: @yvonneeeee @notsosecretspy @jadealicious06 @harriedandharassed @casa-boiardi

#Joel miller #Joel miller needs a hug #Joel miller x reader #Joel Miller x female reader #Joel miller x f!reader #Joel miller x afab reader #Joel miller x AFAB!reader #Joel miller smut #smut #smut and fluff #angst #angst and fluff #angst and smut #rich!joel x reader #Pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal #fanfic

[5eraphim]

tf2 mercs: least to most fun to go shoplifting with-

(unedited/rent lowering gunshot post) 

10. Heavy

he’s not too observant and can’t help but draw attention, though it’s unlikely anyone would try to stop him even if he was caught trying to make a get away.

while he might not stop you, he wouldn’t encourage this kind of behavior. in his eyes it’s just a silly way to get into trouble, and has a hard time understanding the appeal of this.

he’s a hunter, not a gatherer an is at a natural disadvantage here. heavy is a simple man, he lives within his means, and is content to abstain from this practice.

9. Engineer

like heavy, engie doesn’t really get the appeal, but would be able to get away with stealing way easier than heavy. 

he was probably brought up taught this sort of thing was very, very wrong and disrespectful to the employees or something- or like, maybe he was caught when he was really young trying to steal idk, a toy or a snack or something in school and got in trouble and he’s never been able to shake the guilt. (he’s not a cop or anything, but would have the “I’m not mad, just disappointed” reaction if you were to proposition going lifting with him. and if he were to see a stranger trying to get away with stealing, he’s not gonna snitch.)

he’s always wearing those overalls and his work belt, so theoretically, he could empty all those out and go in with a ton of free pocket-space. he’s also on the shorter side and could easily keep his hands below the employee’s eye level.

might have a bit of fun tinkering with ways to disable security mechanisms. might randomly decide to disable a bunch of security devices and walk out without taking anything with him. just to sow a little chaos for funsies.

ok with stealing things like food if he were in an extreme situation, so long as you were stealing from some corporate chain store, and not a smaller independent location.

8. Soldier

HE IS NOT SNEAKY, HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE SNEAKY, PLEASE DO NOT MAKE HIM BE SNEAKY

the best strategy you could hope to use with him would be to just straight up ask him to go beat the fuck out of the cashier while you grab what you want and make a run for it. 

7. Pyro

it’d be fun to convince them to do this with you by pretending it’s all some game, and whoever can walk away with the most without getting caught is the winner.

when you put it to them like that, they can do quite well for themself, but prefers to stick closer to you, rather than stray too far on their own. it’s impossible to get much of a bounty with pyro, but they want to win the “game” so earnestly it’s hard not to have a good time despite the lack of reward.

always rips off soft security tags, but also likes to wear them on their clothes like stickers, completely defeating the point and getting caught as a result.

6. Spy

realistically, he’d be the best lifting partner you could ever hope for, but he’s too aware of this and would be really fucking annoying about it. you would walk away with some great loot for sure, but that doesn’t exactly mean it would be fun.

exclusively goes for ridiculously expensive items he hardly even wants or would realistically use. he doesn’t even really have anything to prove, he just does this for the bragging rights.

spy knows he has the huge advantage of being the kind of person sales associates wouldn’t assume would try to steal, even if he doesn’t want to admit it.

to people he doesn’t know- he’ll lie and say he paid for all his luxuries bc he can afford it, but people who are tighter with him know he’s stolen a decent amount of his finer treasures. 

5. Sniper

he lives in a campervan and doesn’t have too much space for cargo/personal belongings, but he’d really be in his element here, even if he doesn’t completely get the point of “the fun of stealing for the sake of stealing”

while he’s sneaky, he’s also real lanky, and would draw attention on account of being so tall, making him a solid diversion. 

he’s pretty fun to go out with, but he also only wants to go out once in a blue moon, so you’d better savor the time with him while it lasts. (he was simply not built to compute with capitalism, though he can handle small doses for the sake of a good time)

4. Scout

he’s done this all before. scout’s the little guy and has always felt the need to prove himself, especially to his older brothers/teammates/friends growing up. scout was probably hazed/dared into stealing a lot during childhood and adolescence, and has gotten remarkably good with practice. (unfortunately much like spy, he too knows he’s really good at this and won’t shut up about it.)

as the one who’s been at this forever, he likely has his own hook, a neodymium magnet, and is really good at the tinfoil trick. (you know he’s got them fast lil’ fingies) 

he’s surprisingly good at keeping his tracks covered and getting away with stealing. excels with a blitzkrieg, “get in quick, get out quicker” strategy. he’s not in it to steal expensive things, just likes to stir up a little trouble every now and then.

though, with all that said, just because he’d be great at shoplifting, he’d also be great at getting himself caught. he’s the biggest braggard, and would be way too likely to get cocky and brag about his heist before it’s over, and get himself caught and banned.

he’d be the most apt to, and grateful to accept gifts from you if he knew they were stolen. likes the idea you’d risk getting in trouble for him, and would want to try and one up you, and get you something he stole himself.

3. Demo

he wouldn’t exactly be good at this, but it would be fun. he wouldn’t shoplift alone, but is into the idea of doing it in a pack, or just with you.

realistically, he’d get a couple lifts in before he starts to get overconfident and gets himself and everyone he’s with caught.

specializes in liquor lifting, but likes to pick up little gifts for his buddies. (maybe one of the only guys who genuinely likes to gift stolen goods, rather than receive them.)

having one eye puts him at a serious disadvantage here, and he’s not too sneaky, but he’s usually pretty good at scoping out the area before trying to make his move.

2. Medic

able to strike a perfect balance of stealing expensive items, but wouldn’t take himself too seriously, and wants to have a good time above all. it’ not about stealing expensive things, so much as it is about getting loot from as many different locations as possible.

he’d likely have the coolest little cashe of the weirdest stuff he’s stolen. he’s much like a magpie in that sense, medic likes the idea of pilfering and bringing treasures back to his “nest” and having his own little secret hoard. (he likes stealing and gifting for others too, but prefers to be able to keep what he takes)

his morality is completely relative and fickle- there’s no way he would have reservations about stealing from corporations or “big money” stores, or just about anywhere he thinks he could get away with

would hide stuff in his underwear bc he is a WHORE

1. Miss Pauling

would be the most fun to go shoplifting with. she has so much stress to burn off from work, and she could have a lot of fun winding down from a long day of mortal sin and heavy crime with some lighthearted crime.

would be willing to get tipsy or stoned before going out because she’s more interested in having a good time, rather than the bounty itself.

she’s feral, she’s evil, you know her hunter-gatherer instincts go fucking CRAZY.

women be shopping

#this is all a joke please don't take this seriously #this is a morally neutral post #tf2 x reader #x reader #shitpost #self ship #crack post #selfship #this is for al the people telling me i only write boring goodguy readers i hope you lot are happy now #all mercs #istg if anyone starts acting like a cop in the replies- #i WILL yoink you

[bullet-prooflove]

Life on the Ranch: Dan Miller x Reader

Tagging: @kmc1989

Dan is a terrible rancher, he’s known it since he took that fence down and almost poisoned a bunch of horses by letting them eat hemlock. He’s an excellent rider but he doesn’t know the nuances of the land, how to manage something on this scale. He was a realtor before Bonham Walker had given him a few acres of land, managing a ranch, it isn’t in his skillset. He enjoys the life, the graft of it, being around the horses, but the rest he doesn’t have a fucking clue.

Thankfully you do.

Your daddy owns Rosewood Ranch up the way, you’ve been working the land since you were knee high. The two of you had got to talking one night in the Sidestep, he was recently divorced and you’d just returned to town after a stint up at the Four Sixes Ranch with Travis Wheatley. You’d been lending a hand for the past six months whilst he recovered from a liver transplant.

The first time he lays eyes on you, he thinks you’re just the prettiest damn thing. Glossy hair that falls over your shoulders, a red summer dress and worn cowboy boots. There’s a little wildling in you, he can tell from the way you hustle the boys at the bar whilst playing pool. That’s ok because before Denise, there was a little wilding in him too.

When he approaches you at the pool table, he isn’t looking for anything more than a game a pool. He’s bested most the people in this place so he’s looking forward to a new challenge. He thinks it’ll be just one game, at worse you’ll make a little money out of him, but one turns into three and before he knows it, the two of you are making out in the cab of his truck, his hands in your hair as your thighs straddle his waist. You’re both a little silly, a little tipsy. It doesn’t go any further than heavy petting but it’s still the most fun he’s had in years.  

The next morning you turn up at his ranch in worn jeans, a plaid shirt and those same cowboy boots from the night before.

“You said you needed a little help.” You say, tucking your hands into the back pockets of your jeans as your rock on your heels.

It’s you that ends up putting him to work. You spend the morning sipping coffee at his kitchen table, helping compile a list of the things Dan needs to do before the spring rolls in.

During the afternoon the two of you head out to check the pastures in order to work out which ones are suitable for grazing and which ones need a little time spending on them.

That night he cooks while you devise a business plan, he’ll rent out the additional land to other ranches that require grazing space. He has a small herd and a couple of horses, nowhere near enough animals for the space he has. That way he’ll make passive income while he’s still figuring his shit out. You’ve already got his first client lined up, your daddy’s livestock about to double in size during calving season and due to a clover problem he’s looking for a space to turn out a couple of his herds.

“You’re a lifesaver.” Dan tells you as he sets down a plate in front of you, you pick up your fork and begin to eat as he pours a glass of wine from one of the more expensive bottles he inherited in the divorce. “When I met you last night I didn’t expect any of this. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to repay you.”

“Cook for me again.” You request, gesturing at your almost empty plate. “This cowboy casserole is the best thing I’ve ever tasted.”

A blush creeps up his cheeks because it’s been a while since he’s been complimented, since he’s experienced any positivity. He’s used to being needled, spoken down to, he isn’t used to praise. It emboldens him. His fingertips trace along the line of your jaw, tilting your chin up so he can look into your eyes.

“Stay the night.” He requests. “Help me break in the ranch a little.”

“Oh Danny boy.” You smile, your lips brushing over his. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Love Dan? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

#dan miller #dan miller x reader #dan miller walker #walker #walker texas ranger #dave annable

[violetsaffron5]

Infinity

| Ao3 | Discord 18+ | Series Masterlist | Taglist | Chapter 9 |

8 | Mandrills

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x f!Reader

Summary:

Spending some quality time with Geto

words: 4031

It’s not even been a week and you find yourself in yet another bar. This one is quieter, classier than the last. The lights are dim and the music playing is low, just loud enough to hear amidst the conversation happening between friends and lovers.

You’re sitting at the bar sipping on your cocktail, looking over the room, watching as couples laugh and lean into one another, trying to make out what’s being said from the low rumble filling the small space.

You’re wearing a floor length black Versace dress paired with a dainty diamond necklace; this ensemble costs more than a year’s rent. It’s certainly not what you expected to be doing or wearing on a Thursday night.

No, tonight you planned on staying in after having spent the last few nights hanging out with Shoko and Satoru. Rest and relaxation. You were looking forward to it.

That is until Geto showed up at your door unannounced, dress bag and shoes in hand telling you to get changed and you two were going out for some quality time. Whatever that means. 

So, you’re here. Sitting awkwardly next to the man in question who has his raven hair pulled all the way back into a neat bun, a suit you’re sure is just as expensive as your dress, drinking his own cocktail.

“So… what are we doing here?” Geto wouldn’t say where you were going, and you’re not familiar enough with Tokyo to even know if you’re still in the city, though you’d venture to guess probably not since it took an hour to get to this location.

“Just wanted to have a little chat among other things.”

“Ok, well, I’m here,” you chuckle awkwardly, “not sure why we couldn’t have hung out at my place or even at the -”

“Do you think you can be monogamous with your… abilities?” Suguru asks, swirling the dark liquor in his glass around the large round ice cube.

You’re taken back by his sudden line of questioning. This is something you would expect Shoko or Utahime to ask, but not Geto. He’s always been kind, albeit fairly quiet when you’re around.

“Uhh, yeah. I think so. I mean, it hasn’t really been a problem so far.”

Sure there have been wants, urges, wondering how someone’s hands would feel on your body when you go out, but it hasn’t been anything more than that. Satoru has helped keep your hunger in check which helps greatly minimize these desires, keeps things less overwhelming.

“Mm. Good point,” he begins, side eyeing you, “when Satoru tells you he’s meeting with the higher ups, he’s really meeting with other women to hookup. The higher ups only meet a few times a year or when anything interesting comes up. Like you.”

You shake your head and blink several times, trying to take in everything he just told you. “Um. Okay, thanks… I guess.” Clenching your jaw, you take another sip of your drink, the weight of what Suguru just said causing a heavy lump to form in the center of your chest. 

“Awe, don’t be sad.” He coos after a few moments, giving a weak smile, “there was never a chance he was going to settle down, let alone with someone who’s barely even human.”

“I’m not sad,” you defend, “I’m just…”

Honestly, you’re not sure. Maybe it’s all true and you’ve been reading a little too much into what’s been going on between you and Satoru. He’s flirty, “nice to everyone,” as Shoko put it once. It’s not like you’re expecting a commitment from him, at the end of the day, he is just helping you out, but honesty would be nice.

“You’ll never be more than a good fuck. That’s just how he operates.” You’re not looking at Suguru, but you can hear a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Ok, Geto. I got it. Thanks.” You snap at him.

A lot of it is mindless self-indulgent sex; Satoru getting the rush of adrenaline when you siphon his energy, you being able to feed without waking up next to a cold body. It’s addicting, he’s addicting - the endless amounts of stamina on nights that never seem to end, and you don’t want them to; the way his body feels pressed against your own as he’s pounding into you so hard you’re convinced he’s trying to split you in half, and how after he’s kissing you tenderly, sweetly, afterward telling you how beautiful you look, how amazing you are.

There’s also an undeniable chemistry shared between the two of you. Sure, he might not tell you the ins and outs of his life, but you do know he’s creative, reliable, makes you laugh more than you ever have before, annoys you more than anyone ever has before. But you don’t mind, not really.

Geto isn’t giving you a lot of time to dwell on it before he’s standing, motioning for you to take his arm. You give a weak smile, placing your drink on the counter, looping your arm through his wondering where you’re off to now.

He leads you down a hall you’re sure you’re not allowed to be in, taking you down a flight of stairs to a basement. The hall is dark, dingy and dirty, very different from the pristine and clean environment you were just in.

“We’re here for a mission,” Geto says quietly before reaching the bottom of the stairs. “Follow my lead.”

“What is the largest monkey in the world?” A voice asks from behind a closed door, and you’re taken aback by the odd line of questioning presented to you, yet again.

“Mandrills.” Geto replies easily through an eyeroll, like he doesn’t quite believe that answer.

The door clicks, having been unlocked before opening, allowing the two of you in, down another dimly lit corridor. 

“If we’re on a mission, why are we in such expensive clothes? I mean, won’t this get ruined?”

Suguru stops, just short of another door at the end of the hall, turning to face you. “There’s a dress code for places like this. I can’t have you coming in here wearing,” he stops to look you up and down, a scowl on his face, “what you normally wear.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” You seethe, wondering just what kind of mission this could be and what it entails, and why he’s choosing to be such a dick to you tonight.

Suguru doesn’t answer as he opens the door, motioning for you to enter before him. And whatever you were expecting, it wasn’t this.

“Are we… playing poker?” You ask incredulously.

“You are playing blackjack, and you need to win so I have a shot at collecting a cursed tool.” He’s whispering, keeping his voice down so the others around don’t hear as the two of you walk around between the tables that had been set up for tonight.

You’re not replying to him, taking in the words he’s said but not really understanding why you have to play a part in this little mission. 

Each table is set up with a dealer, getting the tables ready for guests to sit at, all wearing tuxes. The other guests, you presume, are all dressed to the nines - just as you are - showcasing their wealth by flaunting top of the line name brand attire and jewelry. The room is small, and even though there are less people down here than upstairs, it sounds just as loud, the low murmur of everyone talking at one time.

Geto sighs before pinching the bridge of his nose, stopping in a little vacant section of the room, “the pet,” you raise an eyebrow as he points to you, “will be playing the first round. If the pet wins, then their master gets to move onto the second round. We both need to win in order to get our hands on the cursed tool.”

“So, it’s some sort of fucked up blackmarket.”

“No cursed energy or abilities allowed either, so you need to be discreet. No pulling the shit you did at the club when Satoru and Nanami were there and making it obvious.”

A man walks over, tall, skinny, in a suit that doesn’t look like anything special, but likely costs more than your dress and asks for your name. He gives a kind smile, offering his hand to lead you to the table you’re set to play the game at.

“One more thing,” Suguru stops you before you can take the man's hand and walk away, “the higher ups have asked for this mission to remain… quiet. So no speaking about it with anyone.” You nod your head before pursing your lips.

As you walk away you could swear you heard Geto quietly say, “and make sure you win. Satoru would kill me if you get sold off.” You furrow your brows turning back to the raven haired man mouthing “what the fuck?” before he shrugs and walks off, leaving you to your own devices.

You’re seated between two men, who are also set to play against you. You give them a warm smile and wave, as they smile back to you. They seem nice enough. It’s just a game of blackjack afterall, simple, easy.

One where people are sold off at the end. No big deal at all.

The cards are shuffled in front of you as the dealer explains that only one of you will be the winner, but of course there’s the possibility of all three of you losing, and in that case nobody will move forward into the next round. And just for them to add a little curve and anxiety to the mix, the only way to lose is to go over 21, anyone under will remain in the game until either everyone has gone over or a clear winner has been indicated.

There’s not much you can do here in terms of your abilities, you tried to learn to count cards when you were younger, living on your own, but you never quite got the hang of it, so you’re really truly banking on good luck.

“So, uh, what’s the prize tonight?” You ask curiously since Geto didn’t really give too much information.

Your opponents give a quizzical look before one of them says, “wow, you haven’t been told much, have you?”

You shake your head, it’s the truth, you’re working off minimal details, “no. We play poker at home, and I’m pretty good at it. He thought I’d be beneficial with his… endeavors tonight.”  A lie, but they don’t need to know that.

“It’s a three piece staff, called Playful Cloud.” You nod your head, never heard of it, but it must be special if the higher ups are looking to add it to the schools collection.

The dealer has laid out all the cards, the man to your right passes his turn. You have 15 and take the risk to hit, as does the man to your left. After the additional cards have been dealt, you’re at 18, and choose to pass, not wanting to risk going over, while the man to your left hits again.

After those cards have been dealt, everyone shows their hand; the dealer is at 22, the man on the left is at 24, to the right, 20, and you’re at 18. One person out, a slight weight has been lifted. Just you and the other man remaining now.

Returning your cards, the dealer shuffles again before passing two to each of you once again. You’re only at 5, so you hit again, the man to your right does the same. This happens for a few more turns, each of the card numbers you’re getting are low, bringing your current total to 12.

Humming to yourself, you decide to try something, to see if you can figure out where he stands. Trailing a finger on the fabric of the suit the man next to you is wearing, feeling the soft, smooth silky fabric under your index finger, and leaning in just slightly closer to him.

“You know,” your voice is slow, sultry, “I really do love a man in a suit.”

He side-eyes you with a grin, just before your finger touches the skin of his neck he answers, “me too,” and gives a wink. You smile back, a slight pout on your lips before returning to your seat normally, asking the dealer to hit again. You could attempt to use your powers on him, but it’s best to not draw attention, like Geto pointed out earlier, so you leave it for now.

Neither the dealer nor your opponent take a card this time; you’re not entirely sure you want to flip over the card on the table you were just given, a knot forming in your stomach. You don’t look at the card, too nervous about the way this could end - you’ll just have to believe in the heart of the cards, or whatever the saying is.

You nod and everyone reveals their hands; 18, 23, 27.

You sigh a breath of relief, not really sure if what Suguru said was true, that you’d be sold off, but you sure as hell didn’t want to fuck around and find out when you’re attending a very illegal underground blackjack game as is. You stand on shaky legs, clenching and unclenching your fists, just now noticing how sweaty they had gotten during that encounter, how nervous you were, especially at the end.

The two men you were playing with tell you congratulations and stay behind, you don’t look back. You don’t want to even think about the consequences of them losing.

You’re led to a locker room where Suguru stands shirtless, only in his black dress pants, removing the belt around his waist. He doesn’t look up when you walk in, barely acknowledges your presence.

You look him over, shoulders slightly more muscular and broad than Satoru’s, with a dragon tattoo covering his back with the tail ending at the wrist of his right hand. It’s very well done, traditional, black and white aside from the purple eyes. He’s just as toned and defined as Satoru, just as attractive. You clear your throat and swallow thickly in an attempt to distract yourself.

“Are the “pets” really going to be sold, or were you just saying that?” You take a seat at the bench across from him, crossing your legs and folding your arms over your chest, watching as he neatly folds his shirt and rolls his belt before placing them inside one of the lockers.

“Not sure. It’s what I heard. Thought it might give you a little push to win.”

He’s sitting on the bench across from you, rolling his shoulders and stretching his neck as he explains what’s going to happen next. He’s going to be bare-knuckle fighting in cage matches, this could go on all night but he needs you to manipulate the rounds, get him in sooner, less fights. And when it’s all said and done, you need to leave quickly before your abilities wear off and anyone suspects the two of you of foul play. At least not before he gets the weapon in his hands.

He gives you a gentle smile, one you’ve seen too many times from him. And all the sudden it looks more fake than it ever has before. Suguru has been incredibly hot and cold to you tonight, more than you’ve ever seen and you’re wondering if he’s insane. Satoru can be bad, going from jovial to serious in the blink of an eye but this is beyond that. This is something else.

You hum, giving a weak smile - how are you supposed to respond to something like aside from being pissed off that he lied to you. That this whole night has been nothing but a lie.

It doesn’t matter, because you’re following him out of the small locker room into another equally small room with a wire cage set up in the middle. The space is filled to the brim with people, more than you’ve seen in any bar or club you’ve ever been to. It’s louder in here, people with drinks in their hands, being rowdy, boisterous laughter and yelling coming from all directions.

Suguru points in the general direction of where you’ll find the person in charge of organizing the bouts - you have a job to do, so you do your best to push down all the stress and anxiety you were just feeling a moment prior, pushing and squeezing your way past people until you reach your destination.

There’s a lone man sitting at a table organizing several names in front of him, there’s likely a method to his madness - luckily for you, he’s doing it rather old school, with a whiteboard that has brackets drawn onto it, and he’ll tape the names in each space to show everyone’s position and who they’ll be fighting next.

From the distance you’re at, you can barely make out Suguru’s name on his list, towards the bottom, likely because the two of you just showed up to compete not that long ago.

“Hi,” you’re yelling, making your presence known in the sea of people you’re in. He turns to you, looking you quickly up and down, returning the smile before going to place some of the names on the board.

“What’s your name?” You’re watching as he adds the names to each of the brackets, Suguru indeed being one of the last, with several rounds set to go before him.

The man answers, you’re not really listening, watching from the corner of your eye as he takes a seat. With his back turned, you grab Suguru’s name, and the second name from the second set of brackets and switch them quickly, trying not to make what you just did totally obvious to anyone.

He doesn’t seem to notice, instead you sit next to him as he makes small talk, asks if you’ve been here before, done anything like this in the past. All of your answers are lies, trying to make yourself seem as seasoned as possible.

It doesn’t take long for the first round to get started. It’s two men, both you’re unfamiliar with, in the cage with a referee. When they start, you opt to not pay much attention to them, after all, you’ve seen people throw plenty of punches over the last few months, thrown plenty yourself when training and fighting curses.

You continue to talk to the man, doing your best to keep his attention on you. It doesn’t take a lot, he’s leaning into you, answering your silly little questions, telling you the ins and outs of his job.

And then it’s Suguru’s turn. You do watch this fight, having never seen him in action before. He stands tall, taller than his opponent but only by a few inches, more muscular too. If he wasn’t being such an ass tonight, you’d say he looks like an angel with the way the dim light is cascading over his muscles, highlighting his features in just the right way, showing all the sharp edges.

Suguru’s fist immediately cracks the jaw of his opponent - you could hear it as it happened, even over the crowd. They’re both throwing punches, but Suguru is easily able to dodge, bouncing from toe to toe as he absolutely pummels his opponent into the floor. For a brief second, you’re not even sure his opponent is even alive until someone else is helping him stand, removing him from the cage as Suguru watches with a cat-like grin that matches his eyes.

The matches all go quickly, you’re laughing with the man who is organizing the names, channeling your energy into him, persuading where to put names.

He listens, leaning into your touch every time you make contact with him. Your annoyance at Suguru and the mission grows more and more each round as you keep using your powers on the poor soul sitting next to you, more and more annoyed with each time he leans over, hands on your thigh trying to make a move. You place a finger to his lips each time, telling him “not now,” hoping he doesn’t realize that time will never come.

It’s the final round, finally. The matches went by quickly, though it still took several hours. You’ve heard enough bones crunching, skulls being knocked into the mat, teeth shatter, blood and spit spilling everywhere to be ready to call it a night.

Suguru is in the ring again, laughing like a maniac as he dips and dodges his opponent’s punches and kicks. He’s received several across his body and to his face during his matches, his lip bloodied and jaw swollen. He’ll need to go see Shoko no doubt in order to heal up.

You briefly wonder what kinds of questions she would ask about his wounds, or if these are something she’s used to seeing him with.

You’re not left wondering for long, because you hear the referee blow his whistle, yelling something about “illegal” moves while pulling the two men off of each other. Watching intently, it appears the referee is conferring with several others, likely trying to decide how to call the match.

You’re not sure what this was called for, but it was very likely because of Suguru, judging by the smug grin he has plastered on his face as he eyes you walking over to the cage, near the referee waiting for him to finish his current conversation.

When he’s done, you’re reaching your hand into the cage, caressing the ankle of the referee before he has a chance to make the call, he looks down to you, furrowed eyebrows, curious as to what you could want. Using your index finger, you motion for him to bend down, and of course he does, you’ve been using your energy on him from the moment you touched him.

“I think Suguru won this round, don’t you think so too?” Your voice is hardly a whisper, breath caressing the shell of his ear. He looks to you, eyes wide and nods his head as you bite your lip and whisper a barely audible “yeah.”

The man stands, moving towards the center of the ring where Suguru and his opponent stand bloodied, waiting on the results of the match.

“And the winner is… Suguru!” The crowd has mixed emotions, where half of them seem to erupt in cheers, the other half seem to be booing at the announcement. 

You don’t wait around to see Suguru’s reactions, you’ve turned on your heel, looking to make a quick getaway before a certain hot and horny man comes to find you, either pissed you used your abilities when it was against the rules or looking to have a good time that you’re really not all that interested in.

You leave, getting in the nearest cab you could find. Fuck Geto, fuck this mission. He can do all of the damn paperwork, especially if it’s as secretive as he claims it needs to stay.

Instead, you’re dialing Satoru’s number, annoyed and angry at Suguru for putting you in these positions tonight. You don’t expect Satoru to do anything about it - it’s already happened, but you need to vent and maybe even relieve some stress - something Satoru is very good at helping you accomplish, but he doesn’t answer. As soon as you hang up the call, a text comes through.

Satoru: Can’t talk, about to meet with the higher ups

A wry chuckle leaves your lips after reading his message. It’s well past midnight, there’s no way those old fuckers are meeting at this time of night.

Taking a deep breath you lay your head on the back of the seat as the driver takes you home. You let your mind wander, to what Geto said at the beginning of the night, everything he said about Satoru. And it hurts more than it should, more than you want it to, so you decide maybe it’s for the best if you don’t tell Satoru about tonight after all.

Taglist: @z33sblog @thisbicc @q-the-rockaholic @septembersums @septembersummer @nothisispatrick300 @km7474 @missyasma @greenlovers @naorizenin @a1hina @plants-w0rld

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk fanfic #jjk fic #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x y/n #satoru gojo x y/n #satoru gojo x you #satoru gojo smut #jujutsu kaisen gojo #gojo jjk #VioletSaffronFic #jjk smut #Infinity Series #gojo smut #gojo x y/n #gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo satoru smut #gojo fanfic #gojo satoru fanfic

[rosicheeks]

😐

#ok #appointment 2 done #had to get X-rays so not excited for the bill I’m going to get from here #but hopefully it’ll be better than $700 #i still can’t believe that #bro I have $50 to my name right now #where the fuck am I going to get $700?! #why is living so expensive #i need to figure out #rent / groceries / gas and now all my medical shit I have to deal with #cool cool coooooooool #why does life suck so much right now #shut up rosie

[vynnblr]

the vynn- hobie brown cosplay!! (LONG POST)

ok i have been convinced to show cosplay things ehehe

here’s the process babyyy

so basically i used a leather jacket i bought for?? $20 ish?? at a thrift store (all prices in canadian dollars)

now i have been a part of the punk scene for a good while now, but had never worked up the motivation to make a battle vest. so this vest is purposefully meant to double as both a hobie cosplay vest, and just an actual battle vest i can add onto forever!!

(image desc;

a leather jacket with a red plaid inner lining layed out on a bed. my hand is in frame touching it, and my cat is visible in the corner.

end desc)

here is jacket in question, ft. my cat

first thing i did was chop off those sleeves. not with a special tool or anything, just scissors. this is a battle vest, not designer clothes

once i got them off, i chopped out that super cool red liner. a) because it was already coming out due to the missing sleeves, and b) to make patches out of. i did not buy fabric for the patches

after that, i cut the sleeve into some rings to make hobie’s arm cuffs. fuck if i’m buying cuffs, i’ll make em /silly

i used leather glue to glue some safety pins on so i could tighten it to fit my wrist since the sleeve was quite wide for me.

(image desc; a picture of the makeshift arm band around my wrist, displaying how the safety pins hold it on

end desc)

once i did that, i used my priciest thing i bought, a leather holepunch. if you’re using a leather holepunch for a one time thing, try to rent it or borrow it, they’re super fucking expensive. i invested in it since i’ll be using it a lot for other things in the future

i marked out where to punch with an old gel pen, and poked holes in the cuff. once i had those holes, i pushed PIPING BAG TIPS through. yes my spikes are baking tools. no i’m not buying actual studs they’re expensive. (i’ll explain how i put them in later on)

after i figured out how to attach spikes, i started on the jacket. marked it out, put them in.

(image desc; six pictures showing the process that’s described below, of spikes being put on the leather vest.

end desc)

to keep those suckers in, i used leather glue around the back where they got pushed in, let it dry. then, i cut a piece of fabric from an old shirt, put glue on it, and stuck it down across that glued in spot to make a base. let it dry. finally, flipped it back onto the side you see, light layer of glue around the base. any parts that didn’t dry clear i darkened with a sharpie.

once i was dont with spikes, i started making patches. my patches were done on the liner of the jacket, cut off bits of the sleeve, and an old black shirt. i used white and red fabric paint, and red acrylic (once).

after making the patches, cut them out, used safety pins to stick them where i wanted them.

(image desc;

two pictures showing some of the patches i’ve made. the first image shows the back of the vest with patches already attached. the top patch is hobie brown’s spider punk patch and is safety pinned on. the next patch is a cut out shirt piece with red paint saying “i kiss boys”. the patch next to it says in white “feed the poor”, and under that is a matching patch saying “eat the rich”, both of which are sewn on with white thread. under them all is a patch that says “be gay do crime” but the A in gay is an anarchy symbol. it is sewn on.

the next image is of patches still drying on a shirt. the eat the rich and be gay do crime patch are both visible. another patch says “punks 4 queers”, another says “1312”, and two are symbols (one for anarchy, one for gender equality.)

end desc)

here are some of the patches, not all of them!

i sewed on most of the patches by hand with red or white thread, a few were left pinned (either for looks, time, or because they’re hobie-specific and i want them off sometimes when it’s not for cosplay). if you’re sewing leather, either use a thimble or wrap tape around your thumb to make one. trust me. hurts without it.

once that was done, i left the vest for a bit. picked up a long sleeve red shirt and a short sleeve blue one from my thift store, and cropped the blue one myself.

i used an old biker glove, and put spikes in it just for fun

i wore my belt, an old belt my dad gave me, and a borrowed belt from my sister on the cosplay. i also used a cuff my dad gifted me, a borrowed one from my sister, and my mom’s epic 4 inch heels (no idea why i can walk in them i never actually learned but i can walk in most heels)

the chain attached to my jeans is an old necklace.

i didn’t have time to make a choker intime for the movie, but i’ll make one in time for comicon! (same with guitar if i make it)

i put safety pins and pin backings in the mask i wore to the movies

in the end, this is the coolest cosplay i’ve ever done, very happy with it!! still technically a WIP, but a functional one, so i can wear it whenever!! cool stuff!! (sunglasses are bc facial dysmorphia, not a part of cosplay. just for pictures)

(image desc; three images depicting the finished cosplay on myself, two in which i’m standing and one where im crouched down flipping off the camera

end desc)

#hobie brown #spiderpunk #cosplay #cosplaying #punk culture #punk #battle vest #anarchopunk #crustpunk #crust punk #across the spiderverse #astv #hobie brown cosplay #spider punk cosplay

[finniestoncrane]

Perhaps a follow up to Don't Write Checks with their first date? Loved the classic 'person is right behind you' trope!

Don't Write Checks: Part 2

part one here Farrell!Penguin x Female!Reader, word count: 800 i'm sorry this one got a bit angsty oops but i redeemed it i hope lol request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw for nsfw stuff: actually nothing omg

“So, you don’t talk much, huh?”

You were shaken out of your stupor by his words, suddenly aware that you were just sitting there, staring at him across the table, not even eating the food. Just listening as he talked about himself, sipping at the wine you imagined was more expensive than a week’s rent. He even looked hot when he ate, and was it weird to with you were the pasta on his plate? Probably.

“Speechless, huh?” He flashed a grin, his gold tooth catching the light at the same time as he winked. You stuttered, trying to think of something to say, anything, it didn’t even have to be a flirtatious or witty response, just words, a word, any word. But you couldn’t.

“I’m just kidding, sweetheart. Hey, you don’t have to talk, I’m doing it all for ya. I just hope you’re having an ok time is all. Can’t imagine it’s that much fun for a pretty thing like you to be out here with an old mook like me.”

Still nothing, your breath was catching in your throat. If you didn’t say something now, it was over. And yet your brain couldn’t remember what any words were, or the way to say them, and your lips weren’t helping you out.

“I uh…I apologise. I didn’t mean to force you to come out. I heard you talking, I told you where to meet me. I know you came, sweetheart, but I know it’s difficult to say no to someone with my…reputation. But if you wanna leave, you can. Understand?”

The sincerity in his words, the lingering sense of hurt beneath his confident voice. The pressure was mounting in your chest.

“I have…will you excuse me?”

“Course, of course.” He waved you off, dabbing at the corners of his mouth with a napkin as he clicked his fingers, summoning four waiters who all abandoned their tables to come rushing to him.

In the bathroom, you dabbed at your forehead with some tissue paper, trying to get rid of the sheen of nervous sweat that formed all over you. This was your only chance, with someone you’d had a crush on for a long time, and you were ruining it by being so weird. You slapped your face a little, trying to wake yourself up out of whatever nightmare you were self-imposing and headed back out to the restaurant. As you made your way to the table, you noticed it was empty, but you took your seat, assuming Oswald had left to go to the bathroom. You picked up your glass, taking a tiny sip of the wine, trying to make it last out of guilt, not wanting him to have to purchase another. You choked on the sip as the waiter appeared unexpectedly behind you.

“Oh, apologies ma’am. Uh…will you thank Mr. Cobblepot for the tip?”

“He…tipped? He paid?”

“Yes! Sorry, he did say he had to rush. He gave me this for you.” He produced a small piece of paper and handed it to you.

“Another drink?”

“No! Thank you…” You held the paper in your hands, too nervous to open it, but knowing you would have to. In an elegant scrawl, Oswald had left you a message.

“Sorry again, doll. You gotta know though that I don’t entertain maybes. I’m a yes or no kinda guy, and I’m not in the business of just taking women. Finish your food, finish your wine, my treat. And no hard feelings, toots. You should never meet your idols, huh?”

“Fuck.” It took everything in you not to cry at the table, but you already felt so out of place somewhere this fancy. And now you had to get up and walk out of the door alone, embarrassed, and full of self-hate as you realised you had messed up the best luck you ever had.

You stepped into the cold street, shivering under your coat. As it started to drizzle, you took a couple steps in the direction of your apartment but stopped and leant against the wall, face in your hands as you let the tears fall, disguised by the rain. You had Oswald Cobblepot across from you at one of the most romantic restaurants in the city, and you blew it. Well done. Congratulations.

A set of car headlights slowly rounded the corner, stopping abruptly in front of you. Beyond the sound of your soft sobs and the rain falling harder on the pavement, you almost didn’t hear the door open, footsteps approaching, the voice from beside you, not until the patter of the raindrops began to hit the top of the umbrella and you looked up.

“Need a ride, sweetheart?”

#penguin x reader #the penguin x reader #penguin x you #the penguin x you #reeves!verse #finnie writes #oswald cobblepot #the penguin #rogues #rogues gallery #batman fanfic #the batman 2022 #colin farrell penguin #the batman fanfic #the batman 2022 fic #oswald cobblepot x reader #oswald cobblepot x you

[cainightfics]

can we get an update? are u doing ok? u had such crazy output last year and now u so suddenly stopped

hey! ya sorry i went so mia its been a busy year. im still working on fic but its slow. from when i last updated trotw to april i was working 3 jobs, taking a full uni courseload, and writing my thesis. the thesis in particular honestly burned me out on writing really badly but i did manage to write that one oneshot

then summer was just shit honestly lol. i spent the entire summer working at a restaurant to save up money bc i had to move away in september, and the shift i had started at 6am, so i was almost never awake during my peak writing hours (11pm to 3am). i lost 30lbs in 2 months partially because i was broke and partially because my eating disorder relapsed (probably from stress lol). during that time i was only eating one meal a day in the form of my free staff lunch at work, but the restaurant where i worked was INFESTED WITH MICE :))))) so half the time i was too disgusted to eat thinking there might be rodent shit mixed into my food lol. and then on my days off i just ate like eggs and rice and zucchini bc thats what i got from the food bank. in august i started really genuinely and consciously restricting my calories down to like 500-800 cals per day, plus working on my feet as a waitress doing like 20k steps a day as a result of the malnutrition and rapid weight loss my hair started falling out in massive clumps :))) and i started sleeping for like 12 hrs a day. im eating properly now ofc tho

i moved in september for grad school and am now living in one of the most expensive cities in the world lol so i spend a lot of time just financially struggling. i have a job that will last until the end of december but its under contract so i only make like $600 a month and have to rely on my $14k school stipend and meagre savings for the rest. ive been looking for another job but i either get no interview, have the interviewer ghost me, or most recently, get told i have the job and then just never get scheduled. i have 7 cents in my checking account rn lol. my rent is paid until next month and then after that who knows whats gonna happen to me

last years output was definitely a fluke and only happened bc i was VERYYYY financially stable and could fuck around a lot at my part time job, where i wrote most of trotw. those sunny days are gone 🚬🚬 lol but i dont intend to abandon my works and i promise they will come someday. if anyone here feels like paying my rent itll come EVEN faster!!!

thx for checking up tho, its nice to know i havent been totally forgotten by u guys <3

[sannylity]

hi im here to be silly about the coffeeshop au/oneshot idea that you made up :D

i see mariana as an exhausted university graduate who still lives with her parents and yeah he has a job but like. rent is expensive you know? meanwhile charlie is a silly guy who has a loyal but small online following because of his videos that he makes which are so goofy like him.

the first time charlie went into the coffee shop it was because his friend quackity recommended he go there. to order whatever drink and he was like "ok sounds good :3" and then he goes and the hottest person ever is behind the counter.

he steps back outside with pink cheeks, taking a deep breath. holy shit. he's fine, he's fine. he'll just order a drink.

the first time it was just because he kept on stumbling over his words. he just nodded along with whatever the sparkling barista (who he learned is named mariana!! pretty name for a pretty guy) said, so he wound up with a very expensive and complex drink. he felt very bad, so he tipped generously and took his drink, leaving all flustered.

so he comes by at the same time every weekday, constantly making super complex orders as he tries to work up the courage to ask for this guy's number, but he never can. out of pure embarrassment, he stops going. it sucks because he doesnt see mariana for a week and he winds up groaning to his roommate wilbur about it.

then wilbur drags him to that coffeeshop the next day. they sit in the corner with their drinks talking in hushed tones, charlies hands shaking as wilbur tries to reassure him. they wind up standing together and charlie wants to just fucking run but wil grabs his wrist and drags him to the register.

im also imagining them talking over text and calling and marianas like "we should go hang out" and charlies like "okay :3" so they hang out at the mall. they get boba drinks, a couple silly clothing items, super fucking good tacos, and hang out in the arcade for a bit. its raining by the late afternoon and charlie sighs, knowing he needs to walk home.

but mariana just walks him to her car, charlie a couple steps behind him. she couldnt help but be thankful for the fact he couldnt see his face.

mariana drove charlie home, playing his playlist. it was mostly songs in spanish, but charlie hummed along, and mariana couldn't help but do so as well. they get back to charlies apartment complex and theyre standing outside the doorway under the overhang.

"thanks for, uh, taking me out on the d- i mean, hanging out with me! and then driving me home!" charlie exclaims, a nervous smile on his face as mariana looks down at him.

"ah, es no problema. i had fun." her ears and nose are a bit pink. charlie blinks at him.

"are you feeling okay? you're a bit pink. oh gosh, what if you're catching a cold! you should come in!" he says with an anxious expression, putting a hand on mariana's forehead. he tries to take it back down, but she gently holds it there, leaning down a little to be face to face with him.

"¿puedo darte un beso?" charlies face goes beet red. he knows what beso means.

"uh, sure-" hes cut off by mariana placing a kiss onto his lips, lingering there for a moment. he released charlies hand, who instead cupped her jaw, not wanting to break apart.

was it only 3 seconds? was it eternity? they'll never know. they pulled apart, both flustered and a bit embarrassed.

"i should go home"

"yeah no no i should head in as well see you mariana!!!"

"see you slime!"

charlie lays facedown on his bed, kicking his feet excitedly. mariana sits in his car, parked down a few blocks, hands over her face.

what were they now? they werent sure. but they both knew that was the sweetest kiss theyve ever had.

-💫 (wow this was longer than i expected)

YES YES YES!!

This is exactly the AU’s tone and setting. It’s this level of fluff and lightheartedness and you understood the assignment😂👍🏻

I also just really like how shy and innocent things are between them despite being in their 20’s. Mariana even more so because he didn’t think he was capable of being sweet and romantic, but Charlie just brings out that side of him🥺