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friendly-alien-fucker 4 months
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Cultural Differences
Warnings: non-sexual nudity, fluff
Pairing: yautja x gender neutral! reader
Summary: the beach episode, your yautja and you go for a swim and some shenanigans happen.
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For hunters who regularly, and quite literally, bathed in the blood of their enemies, yautia were surprisingly hygienic.
It was one of the first things you noticed when you agreed to explore the galaxy with your lover. They could be rolling around in mud, get beaten up and bruised with blood running down their mandibles, but they always returned home to you clean and smelling completely neutral.
It was pleasant, really. Seeing as you'd already made peace with saying goodbye to your sense of smell when you met them, having only known them as sludge-covered barbarians back then.
You smiled softly as you admired your body in the one-piece bathing suit and swimming trunks you'd picked for today. There were many things you didn't know about their species, in fact you still find yourself surprised by the gentler aspects of their society.
Mothers asking politely if their pups could touch your odd-looking dreads, elders stopping in their tracks to tell you you did a good job when they see the small rodent skulls you cleaned up and hung on your belt, or that group of overconfident youngbloods that promised to teach any yautja that decided your inferior strength was grounds to get touchy a lesson.聽
Their species was full of unexpected kindness. And the reason you were getting ready for a swim today was proof of it.
Yautja Prime, their home planet, wasn't quite what humans would call idyllic. The atmosphere was dense and hard to breathe in, the ground rocky with little vegetation. You'd compare it with a desert, except unlike a desert, their planet had a vast amount of water, stored in vulcano-like craters.
Only problem is, the temperature there is just barely below the boiling point of water. Way too hot for any human.
So after complaining to your mate for the upteenth time, they decided to surprise you with a little trip to another, much cooler planet. Your concerns about deadly creatures lurking being quickly shut down when they told you it was a place often sought out by elders to relax after they were done hunting.
So now all you had to do was pack your few things and board the small freighter you and a few other Yautja would be flying to get there.
The thought unnerved you a little, being so close to a bunch of strange Yautja, especially since your mate would be waiting on the planet already and therefore couldn't protect you if something happened. But even through your innate fear, you knew those thoughts were stupid.
These were trusted elders, not only were their hunting days over, but they would never bother trying to take down a lone, unarmed human. Especially since you were basically trapped, with nowhere to run or hide, and therefore way too easy prey, if they could call you prey at all.
So you grabbed your small bag full everything you'd need on your trip and made your way through the long halls until you reached a much smaller ship.
Standing a little further off, you watched as different Yautja conversed with each other and walked on board, feeling your dread rise regardless of wether it was logical or not.
You tried to make out what they were saying, but despite living amongst their people for a while now, their language still only sounded like random clicking to you. You sighed.
"Okay?" a deep voice interrupted your solitude.
You flinched as a big hand grasped at your shoulder, quickly disappearing at your reaction. "Sorry."
It was another Yautja, seemingly a little older than your mate, adorned with battle scars and markings and missing a tusk. Their voice sounded stiff and robotic, like they learned their English from computer recordings, which wasn't too odd. Many youngbloods had started to learn human languages to aid the relationship between your two species.
Which made you silently wonder why this elder was learning it. Regardless, you bowed your head respectfully, and used your basic knowledge in ASL to greet them. Hearing their rapid clicks, you couldn't help but crack a smile.
"Heeelo, hello." They huffed, placing their hand on your chin to make you look up at them. When you faced them again, their mandibles were spread widely - something you've come to understand as a smile of their own.
"Ooman. I know your language, speak with me." They growled, and you nodded sheepishly. Apparently learning the best through doing is a universal experience.
And like that, your little trip seemed just a little less terrifying.
Nin'tui, as you'd gotten to know them, had shared with you stories of their greatest hunts, occasionally switching to sign language when their English wasn't enough. And while, as expected, the other elders on the ship were less enthusiastic about your stay, they didn't bother to complain. There were even a few who'd join in to chat about their own battles and the planet you were about to visit.
All in all, the trip was less unnerving than you'd thought, and a lot shorter too. Your sense of time wasn't the best up in space, but you could swear it wasn't longer than two hours until the ship gradually slowed, before setting down onto rich brown earth.
Once you set your eyes on the surrounding scenery, you couldn't get out of the shuttle fast enough. If not for your traveling companion, you would've probably been scolded for the amount of Yautja you almost tripped by running outside as fast as you did. But there was no helping it- blue skies! Brown earth! And, most importantly, air that you could actually breathe in!
And when your feet finally hit the ground you couldn't help but let out a long and joyous laugh. "Aaaaaah, I can't believe we're actually here!"
"Believe it." a way too familiar voice called from behind you, making you spin around to throw yourself at them in excitement.
Without flinching, they simply caught you, holding you high in their arms as you all but assaulted their face with kisses and thank you's. Or at least that's what the other yautja must've thought, muttering amongst themselves as if they were viewing something scandalous, a few stepping closer to get a better view of the strange ritual.
But your mate simply purred, leaning into your affection as their voice rumbled against you "You should wait to express your gratitude until you've seen the waters!" they laughed, and you shook your head as you gave them a last kiss between the eyes.
"I'm just so happy to be here! Just look!" you jumped out of their arms, gesturing towards the fields of flowers "this planet is beautiful! Almost reminds me of some corners of earth..."
You smiled at the thought, and they chuckled as they put a large hand on your back. "We should walk with the others, the waters are not far."
And so the two of you walked slowly behind the larger group of yautja, them slowing their pace to match yours as you cheerfully took in your surroundings. Beautiful was truly the right word for it.
Tall grass with taller flowers that swayed gently in the wind, going on for kilometers until reaching a distant forest, that you imagined to be just as wonderful.
After about 30 minutes of walking, elongated by your habit of stopping to sniff every alien plant you could reach, you finally made it to the lake. About 500 meters of fresh water that seemed to almost glow in the sunlight.
Standing in awe, you barely registered your mate sliding your backpack down your shoulders and throwing it to the side. It was only when you felt a claw tug at your shirt that you snapped out of it, matching their equally confused expression.
"Don't you want to swim?" They asked, and you chuckled at the misunderstanding.
"Oh, yeah. These are my swimming clothes." you explained, yet their expression didn't seem to lighten.
"No, no. Swimming." they accentuated their words, pointing towards the water as if you simply didn't hear them the first time.
You nooded, dumbfounded, "Yes. Swimming." but as they continued to stare at you like an alien (heh), you shook your head "just- here, come on."
You took their hand, leading them towards the water and to your relief they followed without complaint. At the edge of the lake, you grinned up at them excitedly, before taking a leap, splashing them with the surprisingly mild-temperature water.
Though as you came to the surface and brushed your wet hair out of your face, you were not faced with the annoyed yet amused expression you'd expected on your mate, not that you were registering their expression at all since seeing them stand there in all their naked glory practically fried your brain within seconds.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" you yelled, making them jump slightly and their mandibles flare.
"What?" they asked, way too calm for your taste.
"You're naked!" you whisper-yelled, and they simply nodded, before jumping into the water next to you.
"Yes. Swimming." They repeated your words back to you with a very deadpan expression.
"But- love, no!" you were furious as you tried to explain this to them "We're not alone out here there are oth-" but as you looked to gesture at the others around you, you were met with even more naked yautja, unashamedly bathing in the sun.
Blood rushing to your face, you try to cover it with your hands, glad to be able to stand at this point in the water. You felt a hand lay itself on your shoulder.
"I'm sorry. Are you okay?" your mate asked quietly, bending down to meet you eye-to-eye. "I didn't know you'd be bothered by this. You were fine with me disrobing, I thought..."
You simply shook your head at them, forcing yourself to be a grown up and pry your hands from your eyes. "No...no." you sighed "I'm fine."
"But a warning would've been nice, I uhm..." you couldn't help but grin at your own embarrassment "I-I guess I just didn't expect to ever see any nude yautja aside from you, you know?"
Thankfully they didn't seem to judge you for it though, as they simply looked at you with that ever present curiosity. "Humans arent nude around each other?"
"We are but....usually just around friends and family, you know." you bite your lip as you dare take another glance at your surroundings "and usually only around our own species."
You can see them nodding from the corner of your eye, "I understand." yet something still seems to bother them.
"You are free to do as you please, however... you always encourage me to partake in your culture. Perhaps you should try and see this as an opportunity to partake in mine."
Their words stung. They were said without pressure or malice, a simple suggestion- but it stung. They had always gone out of their way to make you the most comfortable, this trip was proof of it, and you liked to think you were doing the same for them.
But were you?
"But what if they'll look?" you asked, your face still a shade darker just at the thought. "Then let them look." they replied in earnest "You are very attractive. Let them see what they don't have."
And people did look.
Though, to your surprise, no more than they usually do. Seeing a human walk around and do human things could only get so exciting you guessed, and nudity truly was natural to them.
Over time and with a little coaxing you were even comfortable enough to briefly leave the water, if only to get your towel and wrap it around yourself.
Letting yourself relax in the sun that, even hours later, didn't appear to go any lower, you're interrupted by the low purring of your mate. Smiling, you turn to face them.
"Thank you for bringing me here," you begin, only for them to interrupt "Thank you for coming. And," they truly seem grateful as they incline their head "thank you for 'stepping out of your comfort zone.'"
You chuckle at the human idiom. "My comfort zone is wherever you are." you say earnestly, and they simply purr louder in response.
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theygender 2 months
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Having a vagina honestly sucks bc it's like you have to do fucking alchemy just to prevent yourself from getting sick. You've got an intricate ecosystem of microorganisms down there that you're dependent on for your own well-being and they can be set off by the tiniest fucking thing
Keeping your pubes too short can cause yeast infections, but letting them get too long can also cause yeast infections. Washing the area with specialized soap can help prevent yeast infections, but it can also cause them. Your periods can cause yeast infections, and so can the medicine you take to stop your periods. Having sex can cause yeast infections, especially if the person you're having sex with is diabetic (???). Being diabetic can cause yeast infections. Wearing the wrong clothes or eating the wrong things can cause yeast infections. Not getting enough fucking sleep can cause yeast infections. The list is neverending
Luckily, yeast infections are fairly easy to treat with OTC medicine that you can find at any Walmart. BUT! Even if all of your symptoms indicate that you have a yeast infection, you have to take a test first to confirm that it's a yeast infection (they do not sell the tests at Walmart) bc you might actually have the opposite of a yeast infection (bacterial vaginosis) which has the exact same symptoms as a yeast infection but is caused by an imbalance of different microorganisms. And if you use yeast infection medicine to treat a bacterial infection it will light your pussy on fire. So if you have a bacterial infection, you must instead visit your local witch doctor (gynecologist) and get prescribed special potions (antibiotics) to treat it
Antibiotics can also cause yeast infections
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hellsitegenetics 3 months
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Are.. are there any matches for Smash Mouth All Star full lyrics? I need to know. For science!!!
String identified:
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Closest match: Ennomos fuscantarius genome assembly, chromosome: 3 Common name: Dusky Thorn Moth
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t00thpasteface 7 months
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patron request for RAYQUAZA WITH THE STEEL CHAIR
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happy wash your fucking water bottle wednesday
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snaxle 4 months
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btw if a trans man decides that they want to get pregnant and you're not normal about this and start spewing a bunch of transphobic shit i show up at your house and beat you to death with a baseball bat
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ofcarnivora 4 months
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But it's our's????
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DUNGEONS & DRAGONS: HONOR AMONG THIEVES 2023, dir. Jonathan Goldstein & John Francis Dale
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ive just been born into the world what are some good games for beginners
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ryuga104 2 months
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I wonder if when vox sleeps his dreams play across his face?
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You mean like this?
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falling down a flight of stairs stimboard ?
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The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
馃幀 Peter Jackson
+ IMDb trivia
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Hey uhh Lyft what the fuck
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teleomancer 23 days
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how to solve your potatoes from sticking to the pan
are you trying to stop your potatoes to sticking to the pan? follow these simple pro steps to prevent potatoes sticking to the pan. easy to follow steps to not have potatoes stuck to your pan! [AD] potatoes have been sticking to the nonstick pan for centuries. here's how to unstick stuck stick potatoes from your nonstick pan. try adding more oil to your pan! add oil and they will stick less to your pan. using a nonstick pan also helps this. [AD] potatoes still sticking to the pan? try these other hacks to stop sticking pan potatoes. even pros do them! potatoes stick to pans in no small part because starch is sticky. consider using potatoes with lower starch, or a pan with lower starch. [AD] [AD] consider you may be using too much oil? consider using less oil in the pan, as it can make potatoes stick to your pan. potatoes can stick to the pan even in the microwave! moreover, these procedures can help to prevent potatoes sticking from your pan in the microwave. [AD] potatoes have less starch after they are cooked. add potatoes to pan only after they have been fully cooked. this can help sticking to your pan. now that you know how the pros do to stop potato from sticking to your nonsticking to your pan, consider How To Stop Onion Sticking To Your Pan
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Mike getting absolutely BODIED by Spring Bonnie
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"incident" are you fucking for real right now?
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