supernatural season 14 episode 10
dean: "How come you always have a boyfriend?"
pamela: "How come you always want what you can't have?"
BITCH????? THE FUCK YOU MEAN WHAT YOU CAN'T HAVE? MOTHERFUCKER?
PAM KNEW SHIT I TELL YA
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Happy st Patrick's, shadowfam! If you are not Irish or Christian, it's still a good occasion to wear green or/and shamrock jewelry and drink some beer on Friday evening! Cheers, beautiful people from Magnus and from me!
reverse AU, shadowhunter Magnus is bringing beer to his warlock
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The inherent shame in loving angels: Dean & Castiel
I think 14x09 The Spear & 14x10 Nihilism have some marvelous built-in lines pointing to the guilt concerning angelic possession.
Pamela Barnes's presence and subsequent blinding in Dean’s dreamscape is so, so fascinating. It implies that, despite what Dean says in The Spear, Dean is strugglingwith what the reality of Cas is and a new perspective on the brutal knowledge of what his presence means.
Take these lines from The Spear:
CAS: You seem good lately. Happy, even. [ Dean is getting gear from back seat ] You -- We have a broken tape deck, we drove this whole way without music, and you did not complain once.
DEAN: [ Closes car door ] You know, I guess I'm just fired up. I mean, look. We got -- We got Jack back. When was the last time we had a big, no-strings-attached win like that?
CAS: But now we have Michael.
DEAN: I know.
CAS: And, Dean we're taking a big risk going after the spear like this.
DEAN: I know we are.[ Stopping Cas ] Listen to me. Michael conned me. Kept me trapped and drowning inside my own body. Now, when you and Sam were possessed by Lucifer, I -- I thought I understood, but I didn't, not really. So, yeah, if we get a chance to trap him, I'll take that, but I won't be truly happy until he is dead and I kill him. And now I have a chance to do that, so, yeah, I'm good. Let's go.
On the outside, Dean is happy. There's just one thing left to defeat, and then, maybe finally he can be happy. (We know from 12x23 that his happiness, the 'everything he's ever wanted' includes his makeshift little family: Cas, Mary, Jack.)
But Michael's possession left him psychologically injured. Angelic power and possession is on his mind. He's still struggling with the horror of what that felt like.
He does not mention the elephant in the room--that Cas not only know what's like to be possessed, but to possess.
///
Then, we see Pamela Barnes in 14x10 Nihilism, and yes, she's conspicuously dressed in Hell and wing motifs. Michael reminds us that it was Cas who pulled Dean from perdition, and then we get this:
(Flashback to Pamela's eyes being burned out)
DEAN (looks at Pamela, whose eyes are now pure white): You're blind?
PAMELA: Yeah, I've been blind for a while. Thank Feathers here for that one.
CASTIEL: That was -- Dean, that was an accident.
♪ And I'm searchin' for a rainbow ♪
This is Dean's subconscious. It's taunting him that he's been blind...for awhile.
It's an ominous undercurrent reminding him that yes, he's loved Cas for awhile, and yes, that's blinded him to what Cas truly is. His subconscious is struggling and balking at the new perspective he has on Cas's human victims. Pamela was an accident, but Jimmy wasn't. Countless others weren't either.
He can't help but think about it, and he's desperately suppressing it. He loves Cas. But Cas blinded Pamela, like he blinded Dean. And Dean loves him anyway, and that's horrific, isn't it? He can't have that. They can't possibly deserve that happiness together. They're both here at the expense of others. It's frightening and ugly and drowning him with guilt.
Beyond Pamela lies the specter of Jimmy Novak. The ugly truth is that the third member of Team Free Will stripped a man of his free will so utterly.
And yet, Dean's subconscious is chanting, “I love you. I can’t help it.”
It's true what they say: love is blind.
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