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itsdappleagain · 11 months

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BARK BARK ITS FINALLY TIME FOR THE STOCKHOLM SYNDROME CAPER

not giving up on my trademark of being late for csweekly even though i vowed i wouldn't be late on this one. i have an excuse. i was doing audition prep/submission for a musical

OKAY ANYWAY

i think if i ever actually visited the belltower i would take damage just from being in the space

notes under the cut as always!

OKAY starting thoughts. this is. literally my favorite episode in the entire show. my favorite. im so fucking stoked you don't even know i love watching my blorbos get beat up. me 🤝rueitae

anyways. biting this episode and shaking it violently

i like that the faculty tie actually makes sense and they have solid motivations. it isnt just a plot device for a tie

love this shiot/angle of bellum btw so behold her. she is so amazing

okay hi. immediately stopping to go on a rant about the atmosphere in this caper. its. fucking. incredible. the scenery is so perfect. the right balance of beautiful and desolate, and it changes as the mood does. i could do this later but i will do it now because idk i want to its my post

notice as the episode goes on how as the tone gets darker in carmen's plotline, the scenery and mood around her gets colder and literally darker as well.

ivy's backgrounds, meanwhile, stay pretty light throughout because she has somewhat of a more comedic and hopeful storyline while carmen dies in a ditch somewhere.

also, as soon as carmen calls chief, the snow/light of the hologram/shot composition away from the dark trees shows that there is hope now

just....hope that is tinted with cop fingerprints all over it. i just GOD i fucking LOVE how you can VISUALLY SEE HOW HER LIFE IS GOING its reflected by the very environment around her. compare any shot after she gets acme in to the very last one i put in that set of five.

no moment is darker for carmen than when she gives up, on the brink of death, and calls for help, submitting herself to prison and interrogation in the hopes that even if vile wins today, she can somehow survive to take them down again another day.

man, i am barely a minute into the actual episode and i have a lot to say. that trend will continue. sorry not sorry. back to the actual liveblogging.

fun fact the first time i watched this episode i did not notice the acme agents on top of the building watching "carmen"

i love the little hints dropped to audience members who arent entirely in the know yet (7 year olds) that its ivy, not carmen, and that something is up here. lack of gigantic poofy brown hair, different stature, ivys little smile as she goes past. of course, if you're obsessive like me, youve memorized every characters outline and can tell even with wigs on

OH hey my favorite acme agent hang on

its her. she is drop dead gorgeous and has a nose piercing. she also i think gets all of one line in the s4 opener telling crackle to do whatever (or maybe its her partner but anyway i love her)

I have already earned from her

have you been GAY for twenty years chief? julia has

julia slays so hard in this episode. wish devineaux stayed dead longer because she thrives when she's by herself

episode is literally so gorgeous

i love zari just being like oh my god this bitches gay. bad for them

that soft little "i should have known" smile julia does when carmen puts her hand on her shoulder guts me like an animal

live acme (ants to classify and monitor evildoers) reaction

hey!! next time ivy gets into a frozen adventure with carmen in germany she gets an earbud upgrade :D

zack too!!

that "but powerful" line is literally gay. happy pride month from ivy "muscles" "milady" "i feel powerful dressing in my girlfriend's clothing" lastname

obsessed with zack's little finger wiggles to emulate typing when he imitates player

i love just how. rrgh casual they are. yes carmen is super serious and focused this caper (for good reason. launch codes) but they get in a little. julia notices something small about carmen and that she's cold and the playful tone in the reply from carmen before everything kind of goes to shit. "had to loan my coat once I spotted your reinforcements!" its just a bit of information but its some that she trusts julia with. she asks julia if chief is listening but if she was. carmen would have already blown ivy's cover. i know she stole the pen for good measure but seriously she TRUSTS her

i love how julia pats her jacket and then does not react in the slightest she was just making sure that was HER pen not someone else's

ivy being horrible in snow gag is the best part of this episode

i love julia showing off. she doesnt get to infodump to anyone else but she knows carmen will appreciate it. and shes trying to be coy about knowing what carmen is there to do (sorry jules. you would have been right any other time)

i also like that as julia is infodumping shes absorbing MORE by walking backwards and gazing around the city hall

fun fact: i always wondered how the hell the acme agents got into/hid in the hall without anyone seeing them but there are doors in between all of those pillars!

also

this hallway does in fact exist! i mean considering the cs team probably went there to location scout in person (see below picture of duane and the team in san fran) it makes sense!!

anyway. should i made an "only vaguely related tangents" tally counter for these things at the end of the post lmao

i love how super serious carmen gets here. this episode is so much more mature in its theming than some other episodes. from the launch codes to the fakeout suicide to the continued death before capture thing carmen has going on. man. i cant tell if ivys comic relief section is good for lightheartedness or tonal whiplash lmao

she has for a split second the look of a mother who just heard her child say "i frew up"

ARGH and i also love how literally nothing julia can say in that time will help. she tries- oh, she tries- but "its not what you think" mistakenly sounds like she was still in on it. it looks, for the moment, like julia was trying to distract her or this acme agent missed her cue or something. of course later in the ep carmen has plennnty of time

interestingly cs does away with the doors in between the pillars for a more ethereal and sophisticated look but there are doors in my heart

i love how carmen turns to run sideways. girl even if there weren't acme agents there where were you going

i also just fucking love carmen's completely silent analysis once shit gets really serious. she calculates and recalculates what she needs to do to survive here. and she's RUTHLESS about it. i think this is kind of the one time we really see her vile training come out in comparison to someone other than vile itself. she takes those acme agents OUT

part of me wonders if carmen, in that little pause by the door, thought that maybe her chances were better backtracking but she didn't want to have to hurt jules to get out. maybe im just gay and wistful idk BUT okay here's my reasoning!! hang on! stay with me!! carmen equals BAD in tight spaces. saw it in rio, saw it in nz, saw it in poitiers. its everywhere- she does better with more space. however, she does like her high grounds, so honestly this is pure headcanon but like,,, not wanting to hurt julia. send post

also you can see in the background julia TAKING OFF after the other agents....no gun drawn of course

this fight scene with carmen is so fucking fantastic

she never. NEVER. EVER does full fight scenes where she does a lot of offensive but this situation is so different. she SPRINTS at that bitch she holds him HOSTAGE and while of course she's acting so that she doesn't get caught the fight almost portrays her a little villainously with the trail of bodies she leaves behind her as she goes

ALSO THAT FLIP OFF THE WALL MOVE IS SO DAMN COOL. she tricks the acme agent into gassing herself almost effortlessly and only takes a split second to coldly look behind her to make sure there's no one else coming before she takes off again

and then the other three who didnt get knocked out start going after her again which distracts her just enough to let zari catch her with the shot

the shaky "camera" and blurred vision pov as carmen fades in and out of consciousness while instinct alone keeps her going up the stairs is just ARGH chefs kiss

fun fact zari's "there after her" line gets reused in the series finale

btw carmen falling of the tower scared me so bad when i first watched this at like 13. suicide fakeout <3 scared me so bad

also how the camera keeps moving even when carmen doesnt even seem to be in the picture anymore before her glider catches up with it. top. tier

and then the stockholm music kicks in. hoo mama the music in this episode is fucking unparalleled. that incessant, chilling, repetitive string instrument motif as carmen's situation begins to get really dire. aurgh.

carmen's continued pov as player starts getting really concerned about her and she fades in and out. carmen weaving all over the sky and crashing into shit grggrgrgr its so good

ivy getting tazed. yeah.

ivy can pass as an....argentinian.. right boys

player and zack when two out of four of their active teammates just went mia in the span of a minute: 👁️👄👁️

man do you think they thought it was an ambush or something. like i mean it was but an organized effort by one team. do you think zack was scared he would be next and that player would be left in the dark. anyway

the way moose picks ivy up by the scruff like a cat kills me

the citizens of stockholm on this day watching a foreign police strike happen at city hall and then a tourist get tazed, mugged, and kidnapped by some locals: 👁️👄👁️

IN WITH THE HIGH NOTES ON THE PIANO IN THAT SAME REPETITIVE, INCESSANT, CHILLING STYLE OF MUSIC THIS EPISODE HAS AS CARMNE LIES MOTIONLESS IN THE SNOW ARGEHDHDHGDGSDGSDHD

i really enjoy that they show us this desolate, still shot of carmen, completely motionless, trapped in a ravine, miles and miles away from the city. she doesnt wake up. its just the cold, harsh reality. and its starting to snow a lot harder.

julia just snatching the pen gets me every time

i love the emotion dropping out of chiefs tone once she sees the 5'2" pissed off lesbian on the other end

YES julia GO OFF she should have gotten to do so much more. she should have gotten to kill someone.

julia glancing back at zari when she says "chase her away and squander her trust" and zari turning away and balling her first is such a juicy little character moment

the venom in "we had an agreement." fhrjhgfejsjjd step on me

you know how people want that throwback spinoff series for the owl house with the lost moments. that but cs. shadowsan's malaysia mission, how the team operated and the jobs while carmen was recovering, more of black sheep's time at vile/her holdover year, her and player learning together once she tours around after escaping, the shanghai job (not the tsonts one), the cairo job, the swiss bank job. how julia got into law, how chase chose his name, more on carlotta and dexter, the two years after vile's defeat and before their reappearance, more of evil carmen, player's backstory as told in silver lion. there is. so much i want to see. tangent tally.

god. player's decision here is such a hard one. he's like sixteen, and he's potentially juggling the lives of two of his best friends with that line. the decision seems obvious, but in this case it is completely, entirely wrong. player's choice to save ivy instead of carmen damn near kills her, and there's no way he could have known. player guilt angst, please!

once again the music. thank you.

carmen's cry of pure pain as she moves juuust tickles something in my brain. she has no one to put on a brave face for and that crash landing HURT.

also how hoarse her voice is

the more groans of pain as she forces herself off the ground they are so good.

i love this episode for its look into carmen's psyche. so much of her is playing off of others, but in this one she is utterly alone. we see her thought processes in the worst of times with no one to fight but the weather and herself. fantastic shit. never forgiving sarcastic chorus for skimming over this episode and saying nothing happens did you watch it

the puff of breath when carmen says "player"!!!

carmen's tone when she goes "oookay." just is so good. gina did not skimp out on this performance and part of me wonders if she could have done better if she wasnt always trying to play the emotionless, suave hero figure and she let carmen be more human, like in this episode. carmen is seeing that she is injured, acme is trying to reach her, her glider is broken, she has no protection from the cold, and that player and any other help is completely out of range and she is not happy about it

carmen crying out when she slips even more when she's trying to climb its so tangible and delicious

FUN ANECODTE because i havent gone on enough tangents for this post already but the first time i ever saw this episode my dad came to pick me up for his half of the week right here. i had to leave the episode right here, with ivy kidnapped and mia and carmen alone in the frozen ravine, the acme pen blinking. i didnt have access to netflix to finish the episode. for. four. days. let me tell you. um. this episode literally did not let me sleep. that first night i was lying in bed i stayed up until like 3am just staring at the ceiling replaying the scenes and making theories. i was dry in the mouth. when i fell asleep i dreamed about it and kept waking up in the middle of the night. i cornered my dad and recounted the entire episode to him and then reeled off my theories to him. i reeled off my theories to my friends. i was literally consumed by the ending of this episode that i could not see. it was Not Healthy and it impacted me VERY HEAVILY as you can see.

but anyway my one theory was that carmen was going to be forced to call acme for help and be arrested because they kept doing closeups on the pen. good job, thirteen year old me. the foreshadowing worked.

back to the episode

ivys literally so cute in this episode

look at her.

ottoman has chihuahua vibes

the ice lodge staff watching two guys drag some poor red haired white bitch into the hotel like a sack of potatos: im sure shes fine they probably told them she was drunk lmao

im goosebumping something wicked here is one of the phrases of all time

DUMSKALLE

that raw, desperate "no" and scream from carmen is so good. that fall hurt five thousand times more because it was a failure. and also she probably just broke all the ribs that weren't broken before

it took me a few watches originally to see that carmen hits her glider on the way down. first time around i was like where tf did she get that wack ass blanket

draw me like one of your moose boys

moose boy unironically seems like a nice guy who got dragged into this by otter

can you imagine if they showed up with ivy and were like HAHA. CARMEN SANDIEGO. what would the faculty do with this poor white girl who is definitely not carmen. probably wipe her memory and boot out otter and moose but can you imagine their reactions

MOOSE BOY IS VOICED BY SONIC THE HEDGEHOG?? SCREAMING

or maybe it was right here that i got cut off with the panning shot of the pen and carmen sitting away from it staring at it. whatever it was but anyway yeah

the sadness and defeat as carmen shivers and tells this imaginary chief that vile is winning today either way just kills me i love it so much. carmen's death before capture ideology (almost. capture wins but it almost doesnt)

LAUNCH CODES? AS IN NUCYULAH?

also team red. didnt know what was on the data crystal!! they didnt know what the handoff was!!! they just knew it was fucking serious and that makes this all the more scary. had ivy not gotten kidnapped they would have missed it. i mean carmen would have probably tried to drag her foot on deaths doorstep ass over to the ice lodge to try anyway but she would have gotten triple pulverized

someone swinging (insert wieldy object) at a gigantic villain and it doing nothing is my favorite battle trope

more ivy appreciation

she said NOPE

ivy is literally so cool in this episode. she's still herself but she's trying to channel carmen and fill her gigantic shoes by making her proud. but she isnt carmen, and thats okay. she ends up doing it with a mix of carmen's help and her own goofy, clumsy style

AND IVYS TWANGY LITTLE VERSION OF CARMENS THEME AS SHE SUITS UP. ITS AWESOME

again. ivy being terrible on ice gag is the best. winters in boston must have been torture

man it doesnt even show all of it but you can see the agonizing that went into carmen's decision to call acme. once she makes it she doesnt hesitate in grabbing and clicking it. she does it seamlessly and with resignation. shes already fought with herself enough in her own head.

carmen: literally in the middle of the woods, shaking like a travelling fair rollercoaster ride, and bleeding from a thousand cuts chief: oh hey! sorry about that

MAN CARMEN THREW THAT PEN A LONG WAY

i also like that carmen has to heave herself up from sitting, and that she's only standing as a last display of control when every other ounce of it has been ripped from her. she has to lean on the tree, still, even to manage it. as soon as she pushes off of that tree and starts walking towards chief she collapses.

chief those business negotiations. can you wait

i do appreciate that chief doesnt play dumb or think carmen is dumb. she's been calling that pen for as long as carmens been staring at it. she knows carmen knows what calling her means and doesnt try to hide that theyre coming for her.

haha. where in the world is carmen sandiego reference. get it

MAN AND THEN EVERYTHING GETS SOO BAD. you realize just how serious this is when carmen drops the tough act and just reaches out. she does a quip, but her face is just hopeless and she drops like a STONE. she was barely hanging on. already dumped this onto rueitae's post but i think that as soon as she knew she'd done everything she could do and had exhausted every single option except dying on the spot. well. she didnt have a reason to hang on anymore. she gave up every single ounce of control to chief when she clicked that pen and her body needed to shut down to save her. so so so good

i really really like chief running over and hesitating before she puts her "hand" on carmens shoulder. she knows she cant do anything, but she can pretend and she can hope

i really do think she was concerned about carmen here, not just about the intel she was potentially losing. this scene mirrors her past with wolfe nearly perfectly, and it NEVER gets talked about. once again a call chief made on a person who turned out to have innocent intentions (gun was really car keys, julia going off the grid was really just her and carmen talking it out) gets them killed- or, in carmen's case, almost. chief, this time, has the power to save her and fix this mistake. parallels are also fun because obviously carmen is wolfe's daughter so double angst.

ivy immediately switching to suspicious spy face after she slams into the bar is so funny

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW OFTEN I USED TO JUST RANDOMLY SAY "hello, im shady mcshade from some sleazy rogue nation, check out my briefcase full of untraceable cash!" to just RANDOM PEOPLE IN MY LIFE with NO CONTEXT

the bartender is not paid enough for this

I LOVE THE LADY WHO JUST GETS TF OUTTA THERE WHEN IVY CRASHES INTO HER CHAIR

the little trill of carmens triumph theme when ivy looks at the grappling hook is so good

girl. ivy. you missed that REALLY BADLY for someone who threw an anchor up three stories with pinpoint accuracy like a couple years ago

poor ivy she was doing so well with the quips and the competence until she announced it to the entire ice lodge

warrior cats girls on the playground

ivys unhinged scream as she barells towards otter is so fantastic

it would really have super sucked if zack had run ivy over

again. this episode is so beautiful

i love that otter and moose would normally have never even been glanced at for an episode because they suck so bad but because it was untrained baby ivy (who still kicked their asses) they could be there also who assigned them the nuclear fucking launch codes. who did that

oh man you can see the smile drop off ivys face when zack asks where they can find carmen. she doesnt even think that carmen is still missing. she probably thinks carmens back on track by now, not that it would be HOURS later and shes still missing.

zack getting to ivy on the other side of stockholm: 🐌🐌🐌 zack getting to carmen twice as far away in the middle of the woods: 🦔 (too lazy to find sonic meme. sonic meme.)

julia just giving zari the most disappointed look when zari kicks carmen when shes down

FUN FACT OF THE DAY! in the original storyboards, julia and zari were supposed to get a SHOOKETH reaction shot when chief offers carmen a way out with z and i. they cut it. rude.

the pen lowering down to reveal julia behind it has always felt like such an important shot and i dont know why. like theres some symbolism im majorly missing out on there

ahh, the heartbroken look between friends

AGAIN this episode punches you like an elephant on steroids with that quiet "is she going to make it?" CARMEN IS ON THE BRINK. OF DEATH. AND HER FRIENDS ARENT EVEN CERTAIN SHES GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT. MAN. it raises the stakes up so high like obviously she wont die but in a tvy7 kids cartoon this is so fucking serious

carmen, delirious with the cold and pain, wondering if someone made a clone of her:

addressing all groups of people from now on as "student body most vile"

hey vile has a sick waterfall wall

it is really interesting that they do in fact shut down the academy. no one is allowed at the castle anymore once they move there. its also cool that in s4 because bellum doesnt have to be there teaching she can go to the himalayas and tinker full time!

wow. zuko and luz are in that crowd <3

okay. so. best episode ever. i love it so much and ive already gushed about it way too much so i wont keep you much longer.

tangent tally final count: like at least five it depends how specific you are

sorry about how long this is take it up with a brick wall it will be remorseful than me

#csweekly #cs weekly #carmen sandiego weekly #carmen sandiego 2019 #carmen sandiego #rejoice! four thousand word stockholm post be upon ye

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santiagonex · 5 months

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hello I hope you are doing well what are some shows you're currently enjoying?

tbh enjoyed gay books and movies more this year, shows have been kinda not it this year... after jack and rayane flopped the second they got together, it's just been getting worse and worse but i guess there have been some gems here and there to be fair... hearstopper s2 was good, the lake s2 was funny but not as good as s1, be my favorite was actually a decent bl which didn't follow the same tired formula of having main gay couple and side gay couple and other side couple with a lil sprinkle of random passive-aggressive behavior towards women... this one actually threw all of that away and became its own thing with an amazing female character so that was nice to see... bodies was actually decent and weirdly good show with a gay subplot.... but my favorite is for sure the new polish series on netflix absolute beginners which is apparently a controversial opinion to have since some americans people need to be told everything in text in order to understand some things told in visuals so i guess it's not for everyone but for me it was the only 10/10 show of the year... oh and everything now was a slay as well, i'd say my second fav show of the year... tbh there have been like over 80 new shows/seasons released this year alone so it's hard to keep up and find the good ones idk... as for shows which are airing week to week rn, i'd say there are zero i watch... un professore not giving simuel rn, bettys diagnose gay storyline kinda stale, that's about it... i'm watching the old craig/john paul storyline from hollyoaks for the first time rn so that's been fun... and i'm looking forward to mary & george (the trailer!!!!!!!), blutige anfänger s5 (i just know bruno and phillip gonna serve in this season since they lowkey got popular for a week or so during s4 and the showrunners know about it) and big boys s2

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drowsyr · 8 months

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friend anon here! :D

the "aro stobin cinematic universe" is by envyenvy and it's not a restricted work either! https://archiveofourown.org/series/3599374

i love automatically assuming steve and robin are wearing matching friendship bracelets they are sososo sweet <3 my babygirls i love putting them in Situations

(one of) steve and robin's job is to be employed in a salon and i think they would slay so hard at that. they would be so fun and gossipy!

also one thing about gossip: steve should know more! he's king steve so i don't get why everyone says he fell off his wagon or whatever in season 3. he was still like the most popular kid, right?? i wasn't even popular in my school but i was fed with gossip for two years after i graduated! there's kids i know in that school who are graduating next year!!

personally i think steve should be allowed to be a mean girl & gossip with robin during their triweekly stobin girl's night slumber party.

also steve and robin sharing the smaller room because it's cozier that's so cute 😭😭 i love that so much!!

robin's hippie parents and their jello desserts i love them so much. i love that steve would definitely say "oh 😃 jello 😃thank you mr and mrs buckley😄" and then give it all to robin the moment they leave the room

ok we’re so back… finished finals and moved upstate…

i love the idea of robins parents being lamecool hippies… like yes they have a weed guy but also mr buckley looks like a rick moranis character.

also: thank you for the rec!! but also i caved and applied for an ao3 account…recently been seeing a lot of recs for restricted works and feeling left out 😔

i feel like robin growing up was accidentally led to believe that janis joplin was her aunt bc there was a picture of her on the buckleys mantle but it’s just there bc they love her music and got to see her live before she died… i think it would be very funny if she kept a picture of janis and a picture of steve in a locket and steve had one that was just pictures of mr and mrs buckley.

i made a joke about them being swingers but they are To Me. bc it’s funny. robin trying to come out to them and all of the sudden tom and amy from maple street are walking down the stairs (otherwise from the bit tho i think robins house is one story. maybe a basement.)

i feel like before s4 steve was like Convinced that there was some kind of swingers community in hawkins based just on which book club moms and saturday barbecuing dads were renting which movies but robin could not be convinced at all. there are swingers in hawkins it’s just that steve hadn’t guessed any of them. to be fair though neither had robin

#stobin #ask #robin buckley #steve harrington

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tankgotstuckinthecircusgate · 3 months

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hii i wanna hear about your fav barbara momentss

(also hope you feel better soon <3)

ohhh i love this question sm !!! i actually have a lot of them. anyway here's the list in random order:

1. all barbara + montoya scenes in s1. they're so fucked up and i was amazed that there's canonical bisexual character in the show. also in love w Barbara smoking weed in Montoya's apartment. she was so real for this (not for weed but depression) 2. that little dialogue between Oz and Barbara, when Oz shows at Barbara's flat to see Gordon. like "Men 🙄" "Don't i know🤗" THESE LOSERS DESERVED TO BE BESTIESSSSS!!! 3. when she visits her parents and they ask her about Jim and Barbara answers that they're happy. for the love of god MY WOMAN IS B RO K EN!!!! i love her. also i love this strain between her and her parents. i wish we saw more of their interactions 4. of course. of fucking course: barbara's psychotherapy session w lee. GREATEST WLW SCENE EVER FILMED!!!

5. okay there's super fucked up scene i don't even remember episode or season (i think it was s3?) anyway. jim had massive hallucination and there was elevator and barbara was in elevator boy uniform AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I DIDN'T KNEW I NEED IT SO BADDDD. oh my god she looked awesome in this scene. also im in love with barbara being character who leads the mc through his consciousness. my girl was the narrative in this scene upd: i found screenshot of this scene!!! it's s3 ep7. i need to rewatch it. probably download and make edit. idk i love her sm here for no reason

6. scene where barbara shot butch at the end of s3. like this is literally peak of female rage and this is so cool that they show that barbara haven't forgot him for assaulting in s1. such a snake move from her. she was waiting this for so long. and she looked so satisfied w herself there. im prod of u girl🙏 7. everything related to her duo with Edward in s3. look at these sneaky pricks. i loved their duo so much i miss them (ofc i felt sorry for Oswald. but they had such chaotic bi swag it's amazing) "let's make gotham BEG" YASSSSSSSSSSSS YOU GO GIRL!!!

8. SCENE IN THE NARROWS. SCENE IN THE NARROWS. SCENE IN THE NARROWS. IN S4. dear god im eating this scene FOREVER. it makes me feel THINGS. im insane about Lee and Barbara's interaction here. Im insane about Lee here. Im insane about Barbara here. i love their transformation here. both character's and relationship (they almost handled conversation w/o mentioning Jim). also peak of romance. to me. (and kind of. "im a fool to want you" by frank sinatra vibes. to me) and. GREATEST WLW SCENE EVER FILMED N2!!!

9. "Barbara Queen! 🥰" scene. my girl slayed SO HARD. (also it took me to play m2 to understand what "capiche?" means lmao) look. look at her. she's a queen indeed

10. i posted this scene several days ago, anyway. jim visits barbara's club and shots smth, then tabitha raises a gun at him in return. and barbara's annoyed "seriously?" brings me so much joy lmao. she's so done with them

11. her arrival in s4. I LOVEEEEE HER SM IN S4 ITS INSANEEEE. i love everything about her. she's so cold. she looks gorgeus. she's depressed. she's my everything (my pfp speaks for itself lmao😭)

12. and when she visits Oswald in s4. i don't remember what happened in this scene but im talking bout this one:

i loooove how calm she is here. and how sassy oswald is she's observing things. she's calculating. i love her

13. of course. of courrrse: bride scene in s2. not to say that i like her in s2 much buuut. this is a certifed thompkean scene and barbara is obviously having psychotic & obsessive episode here and it's so interesting to watch

14. also i remembered scene in gcpd, i believe it was s2? anyway barbara comes to gcpd and calls jim and asks him "how do i look?" i love her outfit and that she beat up Jim after this. also i see parallels w virus!lee coming at gspd in s3. they're so girlfriends (i need to draw this au where they unite against jim ohgodddd) upd. i found someone's edit with this scene:

15. "this woman isabella. nygma said she was a librarian, right? who kills a librarian, i mean what's the motive?" and then she realizes oswald killed isabella. she looks SO HAPPY with herself. "you kn.. you know them!!! 😦😦😃😃" and i think she thought "omg bestie i've done the same thing to my ex!!!!" back then 16. scene in s5 "honey, im still amazing😌" IM IN LOVVVVVE WITH HER THERE. LIKE. OH MY HER VOICE SOUNDS SOOOOOO LOW AND KINDA HOARSELY. YOU CAN TAKE ME NOW. IM ON MY KNEES OH MY GOD. also she looks so good in red 17. s4: "did you guys ordered thai?" "no" "good, cause i don't have any" *shots everyone in the room* i love her being rough and cold sm ohhh 18. when she's entering arkham in s2 having lana del rey vibes. queen 19. also i love these scenes in s1 when she discovers that selina and ivy was living in her apartment. idk there's something so soft about that 20. "disco vampire haircut" of course. iconic scene 21. "remember me?" when Nygma n Barbara took mayor Aubrey hostage. she's so sassy 22. this certifed thompkean scene. ofc. girl youre not fucking normal

23. and this one from s5 which i still haven't watched BUUUT ughhh THEM. wives.

there's more but im tired lmao. anyway i think i love almost every scene w her (except for s2. idk idk her psychotic episode portrayed a lil bit too cartoonish i think? idk this shit is actually way more scary in real life. also highly sexualized relationships w tabitha. i mean its ok if they had mostly sexual relationship and i aprecciate this as aro but y know. it could be portrayed way mooore elegant and subtle. or rough, doesn't matter) and THANK YOU SO MUCH for this ask. she's my comfort character and it's always nice to think about her😫😫💞💞💥💥 and i hope you're doing well too!!! actually thank you for this ask once again thinking bout her made me feel better lmao 😭😭😭

#ask #got.ham #barbara kean #lmao this list is so long i had to add “read more” 😭#and also lmao . i need to confess that barbara annoyed me a lot in the beginning and well. look where we are now

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raayllum · 2 years

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okay this is just the first couple watch throughs (and I haven’t been able to figure out any of the text but) here are my initial thoughts of what I think I can identify on the map in the new TDP S4 intro

First to get the Obvious ones out of the way

What looks like baby / a much, much younger Aaravos, close to Ezran’s age if not a little younger

Then we have Sol Regem at the top of the map, the same way we have Thunder / Avizandum at the top of the Arc 1 map

The constellation below Sol Regem on the right looks like a Bumblescorp, which Claudia famously mentions in 1x06 to Viren (a joke set up for the “If you must make a choice between Soren and the egg, choose the egg”)

The constellation to the left of Sol Regem looks like a Sunfire dragon like Phyrrah, the one the boys and Rayla rescue in 2x07 and returns in 3x09 for the battle

Then a constellation of what I thought at first were fish, but upon closer inspection they’re actually like our favourite grumpy friendly Bait - a pair of Glow Toads (reminiscent of Pisces)

To the far northeast of the map we have an elven combatant who seems to have a skull at the front - perhaps Garlaf the Annihilator? Although it’s hard to tell if he’s Moonshadow with the horns, so maybe not

We have some kind of many-legged creature (like the Startouch panda-bear from Tales of Xadia?) playing a string instrument, which could be a reference to the strings in the sneak peek S4 song “Of Love and Loss” that a character in canon apparently will play

We have birds, a book, and a tree in the far midwest. It makes me think of the tree in Katolis’ courtyard, as that seems to be linked to Aaravos and the Orphan Queen (planted 300 years ago), this map is clearly much older. Trees of knowledge are common in mythology and the two birds represent freedom, family? This also may have increased importance as its the one clearly Nature motif constellation and S4 is going to be Book 4: Earth.

We have a unicorn near the bottom, which makes sense as they were around aplenty before humans hunted them to near extinction for dark magic, and they’re canonically connected to the Star Arcanum. This is the second constellation with a possible Claudia connection (as she hunted a unicorn for the Avizandum slaying spell) next to the Bumblescorp.

A very bright star all on its own, near the south east of the future Pentarchy side of the picture. The South Star perhaps that people use to navigate?

Crown in the very middle of the map, which is clearly important (perhaps why the King of Dragon is always portrayed aligned with it) but the significance / meaning is otherwise unknown.

What looks like the Mama Banther and Baby Banther that Callum mentions in the “Written in the Stars” skit, or something comparable to wild boars (if very hairy)

This figure reminds me of Lady Justice due to not really having a face and the robes. It also seems like she’s holding one hand up that’s cupped and one hand straight. It’s similar but it’s hard to tell to a common gesture in historical Christian art that means “Speaker”

We have a second elf who seems to be Moonshadow, judging by the regalia. It doesn’t seem to be Queen Aditi - but, maybe? She / they seem to be frowning or upset about something and the headpiece is reminiscent of the Sunfire queen crown / Sol Regem’s horns

Last but not least we have whatever eldritch abomination this appears to be, right in the middle of the Xadian side of the map. It seems to have eyes and something of a face (is even a little similar-ish looking to Aaravos’ insectoid conduit) but I wonder if it’s supposed to be a whirlpool, or even reminiscent of the essence of Magic itself? It gives me eldritch but accurate Biblical angel vibes

And of course the map has the six primal sources near the bottom, with Star glowing purple at the top

Also worth noting that not all the constellations have little name tags, but the ones that do goes as follows:

Aaravos

Eldritch thing-y

Tree book constellation

Possible baby and mama banther

Lute / violin playing creature

Elf combatant

#tdp #the dragon prince #s4 spoilers #tdp spoilers #predictions #worldbuilding #aaravos #sol regem #mine #analysis series #analysis #anyway this was fun

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cookinguptales · 10 months

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Now that I'm finished posting Smoke Gets In Your Eyes, I guess I can talk about my motivations a little bit.

Fic commentary placed under a cut because it's very long and contains spoilers for basically the entire fic.

I've spoken a few times about my Literal Obsession with the idea that Guillermo's bloodline will prevent him from turning how he should (see: the other fic I started writing on this subject well over a year ago) so I guess I won't go over that part again. That seems fairly self-explanatory, considering what the fic ended up being about.

I will say that I always want to play with this idea of like... if Guillermo gets bitten and doesn't turn into a vampire, then what was all this for? What is his life's work if it doesn't have the goal that he's been working towards all this time? What are his relationships with the vampires if they'll never be on equal footing? I love the idea of Guillermo becoming A Secret Third Thing, but I think he'd take a while to come around to the idea, y'know?

I wanted to take that idea to the worst possible conclusion with this fic, him becoming not just not the vampire he's always wanted to be, but the actual antithesis of it. He struggled so much with even being a slayer, y'know? I wanted to ramp that up with him becoming a creature that could only exist by feeding on the exact people he'd wanted to join. Like... Guillermo could always just not slay vampires, though he's still good at doing it accidentally. But in a situation like this, his only options are to drink vampire blood or starve to death.

And while I think Guillermo is overly sentimental and romantic and would like to think he'd sooner starve than decimate the local vampire population (including his friends), I think he's really got a stronger will to live than all that. So it was Nandor's romantic streak that convinced him, but... I mean. Guillermo wants to live. That man is a fuckin survivor, even though he makes terrible choices that put him in harm's way fairly often. Him saying yes was complicated within his own mind, but I think it was always a foregone conclusion.

And then on Nandor's side... tbh I wanted to play with this idea that I've had since watching s4 that Nandor is really starting to situate himself in the "wife" role, re: Guillermo. Once we saw Nandor interacting with all his wives (both male and female) I realized that he sees it more as a social role than a gender one. A wife is loyal, puts him first, takes care of him, encourages him, listens to him, provides for him, is physically intimate with him, etc. And we see him doing most of those things with Guillermo in s3/4, don't we?

We see him praising Guillermo and hyping him up the way he wanted his wives to do at the familiar fights. We see him caring for Guillermo when he's hurt after he falls through the floor. We see him immediately and enthusiastically throwing himself into a(n ineffective) servile position as soon as Guillermo pretends to be Colin's father. He very tenderly cares for a sleeping Guillermo at his own wedding. Nandor starts prioritizing Guillermo's physical well-being as well as his feelings, which is made abundantly (and... bizarrely) clear in the Freddie debacle.

(Look, I said that he's prioritizing Guillermo's feelings, not that he's fucking good at it.)

Moreover, he's really starting to be okay with putting himself in a more subservient position; after all these years, he actually seems to prefer that. He's stressed out in the Council and he doesn't actually like all the fighting and arguing and bureaucracy anymore. He really just seems like he wants to support and take care of Guillermo, but also won't allow himself to think too hard about what that means. Nor is he any good at it, not yet.

So... I think some of that was what I was aiming for in this fic. This strange need to be needed, and the way he feels like a failure (as a vampire, as a master, as a friend, as a wife, as a person in general) who is being rejected when Guillermo won't allow him to take care of him. Guillermo has needed to be aggressively self-reliant in the series thus far (something he even talks about in s4) and that's made him really guarded about accepting help from the others, especially Nandor. I mean... he's been burned before, and often.

But... I think Guillermo also fantasizes about the ability to truly be open with the others, especially Nandor, and that's kind of what vampirism has come to symbolize for him. Being a better, stronger, more powerful version of his current self. Becoming a version of himself that won't need to lie about who he is anymore -- because he'll finally be a version of himself that's enough for the others and for himself. They'll respect him, he'll respect himself, and he'll finally get the love and acceptance he's always wanted. He won't have to lie anymore, because he'll be confident in who he is. His reality will finally be better than the web of lies and half-truths he's constructed.

Like... he won't even have to lie to himself anymore. And won't that be lovely?

But then he finds out he can't be a vampire, will never be a vampire, and is in fact the direct opposite of a vampire. Vampires will hate him and reject him and fear him, and so of course, Guillermo hates, rejects, and fears himself. He's always built up this Perfect Vampiric Version of himself and has put his hopes in the love and acceptance he'll receive as that... so when he gets the opposite of that, that's the new vampiric version of himself he's struggling with.

And while Guillermo's dealing with all that loss of hope, Nandor's just becoming even more aggressive in his attempts to get through the shields Guillermo has constructed for himself. So as Guillermo's withdrawing even further, Nandor is trying even harder to get Guillermo let him in. They're both becoming frantic, in other words. lmao

It's funny... Guillermo's been creating all of these fantasies of being a person who can take while Nandor is slowly starting to fantasize about giving. Guillermo's never had power and Nandor is tired of having it. Guillermo's tired of being under Nandor (so to speak) and Nandor is equally tired of their power differential, but in the opposite direction. So they're both really struggling with the things they desire and how they've been granted but in this terrible, warped fashion. Guillermo is now strong enough to take anything he wants, and Nandor is now in a unique position to offer Guillermo what he needs. But there's this terrible danger associated with it, and there could be unimaginable consequences.

Guillermo... briefly and occasionally grapples with the consequences of his actions, you know? He has the capacity for guilt and self-loathing and loneliness, even if he typically refuses to let himself think about it. I think Derek in particular has always been a trigger for that. So by having him outright kill and eat him in the service of this new quest for power (sorry Derek, RIP, I felt really bad about it) I think that was a way to traumatize him so badly that he had trouble feeling anything but guilt and self-loathing and loneliness.

idk man I guess I just really wanted to traumatize them both in one fell swoop. lmao

I suppose... in the end, what I was going for here was the disruption of the roles they've made for themselves and a perversion of the fantasies they clearly have for themselves and each other. I wanted to write about taking vs giving and consuming vs being consumed and how being devoured can feel good, maybe, if it means that you finally feel worthy of being consumed. And maybe devouring can feel good if it's in a safe space where you know your appetite can't hurt the people you love.

It's an exchange, y'know? And one that can only be done with consent, if consent that Nandor uhhhhhh really had to push for. lmao

In the end, I wanted the emotional release of the fic to be not the realizations of love or the kiss or the sex but actually that moment just afterward when Guillermo finally consents to Nandor literally and metaphorically supporting him. It's that moment when he finally realizes that he doesn't have to carry all this anymore, all his hopes and dreams and fears and the trauma that he's been struggling to deal with himself. He doesn't have to keep hiding who and what he is because Nandor wanted all of him, even the parts that scared him.

I wanted it to be the crying that was the real emotional release for the reader, just like it was for the two of them. Guillermo finally opening up, Nandor finally being allowed to come in, and that tension between them finally breaking.

Did I succeed... idk. I mean, being honest with you, I'm still not entirely satisfied with what I wrote. I've been toying with writing this since Christmas-ish and I finally just kind of. Sat down and wrote it. I've been struggling with a lot of issues re: writing (partially due to physical health issues, partially due to personal stuff, probably) and... idk. I guess I'm just happy I managed to complete something, even if I'm not sure that it's up to my usual standard.

Maybe I'll come around to it. Sometimes I do. Sometimes you have to let the idealized perfect version of something in your head go a little fuzzy before you can appreciate the imperfect version of it that you actually managed to finish. But all of y'all never saw the version of it that was in my head, so hopefully you're happy with the only version of this particular fic that you'll ever see. lmao

tbh I could write a long post like this for every fic I've ever written, but I try not to get too bad about it. lmao. But this time I decided to indulge myself a little and write more about the ideas I wanted to toy with while writing. Maybe I'll write more about them later. idk.

At any rate, the next thing I post will probably be a somewhat similar nandermo fic. It's wrestling with a similar central question (what will Guillermo be if he can't be a vampire?) but it goes in a very different and deeply self-indulgent direction. Will you all like it? Hell if I know. But I'm going back to my love for academia, primary sources, extreme codependency, and fucking in the stacks.

(No, My University, I never actually fucked in the stacks. But don't test me.)

I wrote the first 10-15k of it before s4 started, and I put it aside when it became immediately clear that things had gone in a very different direction, but... It still has a lot of ideas I like, and I think I'm ready to go back to it and write a What If? situation that should be a lot of fun.

as always, thanks for indulging me. haha

#writing liveblogging #wwdits tag #wwdits meta #nandermo tag

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renegadesfics · 2 years

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𝐓𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐦𝐧 𝐒𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐏𝐭. 𝟕

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: It’s Tuesday, which can only mean one thing. You end up at the Hideout for Corroded Coffin’s weekly show, and a lot of things come to the surface. Turns out, emotions don’t stay repressed very well for long. [5.7k words]

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: anxious reader, pre-s4, fluff, one mild allusion to self-harm, this chapter is definitely not lacking in eddie, things are starting to pick up, kissing, flashbacks, hints at bullying, gareth has a crush on christine, i think that’s it but if you see anything else pls just let me know and i’ll add it!!

𝐏𝐭. 𝟏 | 𝐏𝐭. 𝟐 | 𝐏𝐭. 𝟑 | 𝐏𝐭. 𝟒 | 𝐏𝐭. 𝟓 | 𝐏𝐭. 𝟔 | 𝐏𝐭. 𝟕 | 𝐀𝐎𝟑

“You know them, you tolerate them, they’re back again for another night. Introducing–Corroded Coffin!”

The series of events that get you from the park Monday afternoon to the Hideout on Tuesday feel like a blur of unimaginable speed. Between Gareth’s plan, your aunt sneaking you and Christine a bottle of wine late that night, and the highly-anticipated arrival of your older brothers come morning, sleep had been hard to come by. And to be fair, none of it was at all benefited by the fluttering of anxiety in your gut.

Now that you’re in the Hideout, though, Vince doesn’t ever leave your side for long, but he does somehow get roped into the role of designated drink grabber. Maybe, in part, because Christine has been assigned DD and you’re… well, you’re otherwise occupied. They’re both supportive, your siblings, attentive in ways you wouldn’t have expected before now. Christine is steadfast in her commentary, supplying opinions on the musicians, the bar itself, how flat or bubbly each new Coke is and your brother keeps her going, providing his slightly less outrageous opinions in just enough dosage for her to find something to refute. It’s hard to miss the way they’re both watching you out of the corners of their eyes when you’re not engaged, how fully attentive they manage to be when you are. It should feel stifling, but instead feels affectionate. Really, there’s no room to complain.

And now? Now, you’re settled at a hightop table watching the group that used to be made up of your closest friends file on stage. This isn’t even the hard part of the evening, but your heart is lodged solidly in your throat. Because there they are, in all their high school misfit glory, Eddie and his little gang of screwups. A group you’d come to know, come to love, even, before things (read: you) made it all complicated.

Even in your haze, it doesn’t escape you that Eddie’s acoustic guitar is propped up a few feet away from where he stands now, “THIS MACHINE SLAYS DRAGONS” hand-written in white paint near the bottom. Distantly, you wonder what the acoustic could be around for when Sweetheart is slung over his front already.

He steps up to the mic, grinning at the audience despite their lackluster response. His kick-off of “Evening, assholes” at least earns a chuckle among a few of the men, a snort from Christine, and raised brows from Vince. You lean a little further forward in your chair and watch, drink long forgotten. “Like Nicky said, we’re Corroded Coffin, we’re here every Tuesday, and I’m pretty sure most of you are sick of us by now.” Another round of chuckles, louder this time. “So we’re just gonna get to playing–”

“To save you from his rambling.” Jeff jokes into his mic. Eddie cuts him a sharp, but not unamused, glance. Generally unaffected, he rolls his eyes and shrugs the tension out of his shoulders, counting down into the mic as the boys start playing.

And this is how it starts.

You were thirteen when Eddie Munson first made his way into your life, albeit unintentionally. John had already left for college weeks ago and Vince’s car was in the shop, leaving him and Christine without a ride home after their respective extracurriculars. Surely, you’d insisted to your mother, one of them had a friend that could drive them home so that you didn’t get stuck waiting on them for god knows how long. They both had friends after all, nice ones who didn’t mind buying you ice cream when they were going out for a treat. Sometimes, they even offered to bring you along.

But apparently nice friends weren’t the answer that day, and so instead, you and your mother sat in the parking lot outside Hawkins High waiting for your siblings to emerge. The seats of the car were sticky with sweat and humidity, the backs of your legs all but sealing themselves to the heated vinyl where they were unprotected by your shorts. It got uncomfortable fast, and it seemed better to stand outside and lean against the car than keep sitting and peeling yourself off the seat every five minutes.

Eddie made his way out of the doors of the school abruptly, expression scabbed over with a mixture of frustration and defeat. His hair wasn’t long then, instead perfectly nestled somewhere between buzzed and just a bit too long. It was the right length for all the other boys around your age, but somehow it didn’t look right on him. There weren’t any other parents out waiting, though, and he didn’t stop to look for a car like he was expecting a ride.

Maybe you were staring. Maybe that’s why he stopped when he finally looked up, brown eyes heated to a boil, like he was challenging you to say something, to push back. No one had ever looked at you like that, all defiant and worked up about something that had nothing at all to do with you, and certainly not with the underlying hint of vulnerability that glinted behind his heat. You didn’t challenge. Didn’t push back, didn’t say anything at all. You just offered a little wave and a shrug.

Whatever happened, I’m sorry, you tried to say with your eyes and the set of your mouth. I don’t know you, but I’m still sorry.

He’d blinked back at you, all boyish surprise and fading rage, the fire in his eyes dulling in its hearth. Lips twisting in something halfway between a frown and a smile, a complicated mess of blurred lines and confused intent, he’d waved back. Another moment of prolonged eye contact passed before he turned sharply on his heel and started walking towards the woods.

Now you know what you hadn’t known then: Eddie hadn’t experienced much by way of true kindness from many people in his life at that point. Just Wayne and his mom and you. Maybe a handful of others in passing.

Of course he’d been stunned to a simmer by it.

Now, you stare up at that boy-turned-man as he pours his heart out on stage, pulse aflutter at the base of your throat. If only he’d known then where he’d be now. If only you could go back in time and show him. Not out of Hawkins yet, sure, but performing. Making the best of a shitty situation.

Fourteen year old Eddie could’ve really used the motivation. Then again, fourteen year old Eddie got you, instead.

That line of thought is moderately crushing.

You can feel the weight of your siblings’ gazes on you, almost like they can see what’s running through your mind. The pity, the self-doubt, the memories drowning them both out. Neither of them say anything, but Vince does move to stand a little closer, almost protective. It’s a sweet gesture, really, but helpless all the same. He can’t stop the oncoming tidalwave anymore than you can.

Redirecting your attention back to the stage, you try to focus on the show. Pay attention to the music, let it charge its way through you. Most of what they play, at least here, are covers. A combination of newer metal that they’re listening to and older rock that the regulars might be familiar with. They always find a way to work in some Black Sabbath, but they’re on AC/DC when you tune back in.

I never smoked with no cigarettes I never drank much booze

This song doesn’t escape you anymore than the one from yesterday did. And this time, mostly free of an audience, you actually laugh. “Jesus Christ,” you murmur, carding a hand through your hair as you watch them. Almost like he heard you, Eddie spares a glance in your general direction and for a moment your eyes lock.

But I'm only a man, don't you understand And a man can sometimes lose You gave me something I never had

It’s not real, you tell yourself, it can’t be. The stage lights, old as they are, must mean his vision is at least a little bit obstructed. Eddie doesn’t know he’s looking at you, specifically. He can’t. That doesn’t stop the heat from spreading through your chest like wildfire.

Pulled me down with you Pulled me up, think I'm in love Hope you can pull me through

They’ve played this song around you before. In fact, as far as their reception is concerned, it’s generally a crowd favorite. At least according to Nicky. Then again, you know for a fact that Let There Be Rock is his favorite AC/DC album to date, so maybe he’s been feeding them biased information. Either way, the fact that you’ve heard this one before doesn’t change anything. You’re undoubtedly reading more into it than you should, but it’s sort of hard to pass on the glaringly obvious message.

I overdosed on you I overdosed on you Crazy but it's true Ain't nothing I can do I overdosed on you

When Jeff and Scotty exchange a brief glance, you tell yourself that you’re imagining it. Surely you must be. Then again, maybe not. Christine looks at you long and hard for a moment with curious eyes. There’s something knowing about the set of her mouth, the way her hands are resting easily on the table. You choose, very intentionally, not to think about it.

Oh woman you give to me More than I can take But listen honey, I don't mind You're a habit I don't want to break

The second time you ran into Eddie Munson was nothing like the first, in retrospect. It was a few days later, in fact, and because Murph still had Vince’s car, you were once again stuck standing out in the end-of-summer heat while you waited for your siblings to finish up practice. Anything was better than losing layers of skin to the heat-sticky backseat.

He wasn’t the only one leaving late that day at least, a handful of other kids pouring out into the parking lot before he so much as made it to the door. While the other students scattered off to cars and bikes, gearing up for the ride home, he took a left just outside the doors and leaned against the brick exterior of the school, head tipped back into the wall.

You’d paused for a fraction of a second where you stood against the car, watching him with a level of curiosity that you really couldn’t explain. It wasn’t like he’d haunted your every waking moment since you saw him that first time or that you’d memorized the warm brown of his eyes or the fierce heat that simmered behind them that afternoon. But there was something magnetic about him, even then.

To this day, you don’t remember consciously making the decision to tell your mom you’d step away for a moment. She’d looked up from her book with a mildly curious expression, scanned the parking lot for a moment, and upon deeming it safe enough, gone back to reading with a shrug. Hawkins hadn’t been scary, then, it was just another safe small town in east Indiana.

“Hi.” Crossing the asphalt had taken you less time than you’d anticipated on account of your big, anxious strides, and you hadn’t come up with anything better to say before you got there. Perched lightly on the edge of the sidewalk, halfway under the shade of the awning and half in the sun, you found yourself horrifically awkward.

Eddie reacted with a start, almost cracking his head against the building in his rush to fall back into an active stance. Big brown eyes blinked at you owlishly, hands raising in some kind of self-defense gesture that seemed to come on instinct. Even then you knew vaguely what it meant, and something dropped heavily in your stomach. His words came slow, brows furrowing a bit. “Um… hi?”

This time, you were definitely staring. When you caught yourself, your gaze dropped down to your feet, red converse toeing at the cement. “I just, um…” This was the part where not having a plan proved to be detrimental. “I dunno, I just wanted to… come say hi? I guess.” Teeth sank into your lower lip, worrying at it. “Which I’ve done now. So I guess I… have done… what I came here to do. So.”

You sounded, indisputably, like an idiot.

Justifiably, Eddie’s expression was one of profound confusion. He kicked the worn-down edge of his shoe into the pavement for a moment, watching that, before stealing another glance at you. Like he was waiting for you to finish or to say something more. When you didn’t, he pursed his lips a bit. “Did–did someone put you up to this?”

It was the tremor in his voice that really got you. It didn’t take any serious kind of worldliness to understand its implications. “Wh–no. No, I just–” You waved your hands between the two of you when words failed. “I saw you a couple of days ago and I just thought… I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve really seen anyone like you before. And that’s interesting.”

I think I want to be friends with you.

“But no one put me up to anything, seriously. My mom and I are just waiting on my brother and sister to get out of their stuff.” You gestured with your hands again, but this time to the school at large.

Once again, all he did was blink at you.

“Vince and Christine?” You tried, hands twisting together in front of you to avoid more helpless gesturing. “She’s a sophomore, he’s a senior? Yearbook and wrestling.”

Whether he recognized the names or not was irrelevant, because something you’d said eased a bit of the tension in his shoulders. It wasn’t an incredible shift, but a shift nonetheless. The smallest hint of hope began to bloom in your chest.

“I haven’t uh… seen you around.” There was less of an edge to his voice, though you hadn’t been terribly aware of one in the first place, moreso in tune with its absence now. A retroactive kind of noticing. You made a mental note to pay more attention the next time. “Are you a freshman, or?”

“Eighth grade.”

“Huh.” Contemplative, interested, and still somehow neutral.

But you could work with that. “Are you a freshman?”

“Yeah.” The edge was back, but not directed at you. Somehow that was worse, and you flinched as you realized it was more self-directed, derisive. He was gearing up to slice himself to ribbons right in front of you.

You paused for a moment, fingers twisting this way and that, unsure of where to look. It was difficult, really, when you hadn’t been confronted with anything like this before. At least one of your predictions had been true–there was no one else in Hawkins like him, for better or worse. Not that you knew, anyway. “Do you need a ride home?” You asked abruptly, unsure of what else to say. “I mean we still have to wait on Vince and Christine, god knows how long that’ll be, and I’d have to check with my mom first, but…”

He was looking at you with guarded surprise, anticipating another trap. It urged you forward like a hand on your back.

“I saw you walking last time. And I just.. It’s really hot out, y’know? And I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.” You weren’t sure. Not by a longshot. But what else was there to do?

At that very moment, like some kind of godly intervention, the doors to the school pushed open again. It was hard to miss the way Eddie shrunk back from it, pressing himself closer to the wall again like whoever emerged might attack him. Instinctively, you stepped further under the awning, like maybe you could shield him from the damage. A certifiable herd of teenagers piled out as if all the extracurriculars let out at once, way more kids than there were parents to pick them up. Like before, some of them headed for the bikes, some of them for the student lot, some of them for parent-driven cars.

Christine spotted you out of the corner of her eye when she emerged, slowing to a stop as confusion took over her face. There was something weirdly synchronized about the way she reached out as Vince passed, grabbing onto his arm without even looking, like there was some sort of sibling-driven magnetic pull. He stopped, too, glancing as she nodded in your direction. Behind you, Eddie seemed to be trying to make himself smaller like if he could hunch over far enough, he’d be missed entirely. Somewhere in life, the gusto had been punched out of him, and he’d been fighting to get it back every day since.

You didn’t know how you knew that.

“Hey,” Vince called, friendly and a little confused. There was something in his eyes you didn’t totally understand, not threatening or angry, but questioning. His head tilted to the side like the golden retriever everyone always joked he was. “You guys okay?”

“Yeah. I was just talking to, um–” How had you not asked his name? Slowly, you turned, placing yourself between your siblings’ probing gazes and the boy in front of you. A shield all over again. “I never asked your name. I’m sorry.”

When he looked up, it was just enough to meet your eyes. While the rest of his face was resigned like he’d come to terms with something awful about to happen, another shoe about to drop, his eyes were mirror pools of anxiety. “Eddie.”

“Eddie,” you repeated with a nod, turning towards your siblings with a shrug. Feigned nonchalance, though they undoubtedly could see right through it. You were just as bad a liar at 13. “Think we can convince Mom to give him a ride home?”

Even fully under the shade, the heat was oppressive. Less so, though, than your siblings’ curiosity. Christine was looking past you at Eddie, brow furrowed like she was trying to place him. Like she knew him from somewhere. Finally, it seemed to click, and her eyes brightened a fraction. “Munson.” She said finally, ignoring as you stared at her like she was speaking a foreign language. Her gaze was on the boy behind you anyway, less uncertain and more friendly. “We’re in bio together, right? Mr. Benson?”

There was a beat as you looked between them, bracing for whatever came next. Eddie just nodded, head lifting a little further so he could look at your sister while she spoke. She gave him a smile, something attempting to be comforting. Whether or not it meant anything to him, you didn’t know. “Y–yeah.”

“Great. Glad we all know each other,” your brother said quickly, though not without affection, shaking Christine’s grip off his arm and readjusting his backpack on his shoulder. “C’mon. Let’s go.”

Christine nodded, giving Eddie another smile as she began to follow Vince towards the car. You stayed, uncertain of what just happened, looking between your siblings’ retreating backs and the boy you’d just met. Eddie. “I, um–”

“It’s fine.” He said quickly, lifting his bag with one hand and slinging it over his back. It didn’t sound fine. “Don’t worry about it.”

He’d made it all of four steps away from you when Vince turned around like he clocked your absence. He saw you first, standing alone watching Eddie’s retreating form, and frowned. One hand cupped around his mouth as he called, “Where are you going, Munson? C’mon. It’s hot as balls out here.” You weren’t sure if he’d do it, but Eddie turned around, blinking like he was waking up from a dream.

That was the first day your family drove Eddie home, but it certainly wasn’t the last.

Black Sabbath comes next on the docket, and frankly you’re grateful for it, because there’s nothing there to rub you raw. It’s familiar, certainly, but the memories are fun and light, fairly untainted by the discomfort of your previously-imploded friendships. The boys as a collective really own the stage, but it would be difficult to say a large part of their stage presence doesn’t come from Eddie.

He exists as he so often does, high-energy and performative, voice somewhere between growling and crooning. There’s something gravely to the texture of it that feels alive and independent. It’s hard to put into words, the way his frenetic state of being translates to the stage like nothing else. Same as the last time, as he’s always been, Eddie is intoxicating up there: charismatic and charming and a wonder of passion.

And if you’re staring, well. It’s a show. You’re supposed to watch.

About the time they’re probably wrapping up, the boys get quiet. Jeff and Scotty are both messing around with their instruments, adjusting pedals at their feet and turning the occasional tuning peg. Gareth is holding his drumsticks in one hand, chugging water out of a bottle with the other like he’s dying of thirst. Eddie, though, is finally answering your question.

“We’re doing something a little different to close out tonight,” he murmurs into the mic as one hand fiddles with Sweetheart’s strap where it rests at his shoulder. The crowd is quiet, waiting. The air feels electric, sparking the nerves just under your skin as you lean forward again, curiosity getting the better of you. Every brush of fabric against your skin, condensation against your fingertips, is overwhelming. Still you can’t look away. He pulls the strap over his head, quiet another moment as he trades his prized electric guitar out for the well-loved acoustic. “There’s this little album that came out a couple of years ago called W.A.S.P. I don’t know if any of you have heard of it…”

Your breath catches in your throat, fraying at the edges as it works past the obstruction. In another moment of impossibility, Eddie seems to catch your eyes again in the crowd. His lips turn up into a smile, that paper-drying-at-the-edges look, something meant for you even though it’s on display for everyone to see.

Maybe he can see you. Maybe he’s been seeing you the whole time. “And there’s this song on the album that’s–well, I mean, it’s pretty metal. But someone pretty important to me once asked if I could teach them how to play it, and I didn’t have that beaut yet–” He gestures to Sweetheart and your heart seizes up. Your whole chest is on lockdown, frozen in place. “So I learned it on acoustic.” Calloused fingers tap affectionately at the body of the guitar.

You still remember the cold bite of the chords into your fingertips, so different from the warm press of his palm over the back of your hand as he guided you through the shifting finger-placements. The summer of ‘83. The summer everything changed. The tips of your ears burn with the heat of the memory.

“Taught it to ‘em on acoustic, too. Found out it sounds pretty cool that way.” The reverie is hazy at the edges, a moment fogged up by memories and impossible intimacy. It’s only when he tears his gaze from you that you’re able to breathe, lungs and heart stuttering to life all over again. “Anyway, here’s Sleeping (In the Fire).”

Moments like this shouldn’t make you dizzy. Distantly, you know that, know that the swelling of emotion in your stomach, the rising tide of sticky-sweet affection is indicative of your worst mistake. But watching him up there, eyes closed and tongue sticking out just slightly between his teeth as he moves through the introductory chords, knowing that this is for you–you, who left him behind–drowns out the doubts you may have once had.

He loves you and you love him in turn, without guardrails or a safety net to catch you. You’ve both fallen once already, tumbling off the edge of a cliff and into the sea of adoration. This is where you learn to swim.

Dancing with danger right until dawn The sin that you buy and you sell Mom and daddy said, "The life that you've led You'll party your way straight to Hell"

The bar is eerily still as Eddie begins to sing, like everyone is collectively holding their breath. It’s impossible, you know, for the whole room to know the severity of the moment. The Hideout’s regulars don’t know or care that this moment is sort of the build up to some movie-esque young love story outfitted with tragedy and history and adoration so sweet that it’s guaranteed to cause a sugar high. They don’t care that Eddie waited or that you left or that this might be the most important school break of your life. The room is not holding its breath.

But you are.

And you shall be (On your knees) 'cause I want you (On your knees) and you shall be (On your knees) and I need you

“Jesus fucking Christ,” you whisper to yourself, unable to look anywhere but at him. No one else has to know, but you do.

Playing with fire, lust in you burns Reflecting the flames in your eyes Sex and pain insane, they're really the same Misused and confused, bound and tied

And so it goes, the whole song playing out in stunning clarity, including Jeff’s phenomenal guitar solo. It takes all of your self control to whisper your favorite line to yourself rather than sing it loud and proud with them, the words ricocheting around in your chest. (Well, I bid you come taste your first deadly sin–) And when it’s finally over, when the song closes and the audience claps–something you know is happening but can hardly hear over the rush of blood in your ears–after the boys have said their thanks and walked offstage, you’re left sitting with the aftermath. If the decision hadn’t been made before, it certainly is now, and while the exact phrasing of it all is the last thing on your mind, you know what needs to be said.

And that it’s time to say it.

It’s not long before the boys appear, meandering through the crowd like a tiny wolf pack. They find you easily, which isn’t shocking really, all grinning like kids in a candy shop. Not smiling back would’ve been impossible if you tried so you don’t, and the fluttering in your chest tightens. “That was amazing, guys.”

“You’re really talented,” Vince chimes in before any of them can respond, sidling up beside you and bracing his weight against his elbow on the table. “This…” He gestures around the Hideout, “is really not my scene, but shit–I might be reconsidering a little bit.”

The boys all grin as they look at each other, then you and your siblings, and mumble varying tones of awkward thanks. Great musicians, they might be. Awkward teenagers, they definitely still are. Christine improves on exactly none of it, leaning forward from her seat and flashing them a brilliant grin. “Phenomenal. Seriously. If y/n had told us how great you were, we’d have been here ages ago.”

Your ex seems the only one unaffected by your sister’s praise as the other boys all look at their feet and shuffle awkwardly in place. Christine’s known to have that effect in general, but you note with a brief hint of smugness that it seems Gareth’s crush on her hasn’t faded since you left for college. Adorable.

“You guys want something to drink?” Your brother throws them a lifeline, easing his weight off the table and gesturing them towards the bar. “C’mon. On me.”

You meet Eddie’s eyes and the breathlessness is back, fingers tingling with the urge to reach out and touch him. He nods at the others, calling “Grab me a Coke? I’m gonna step out for a second.” Someone makes an affirmative noise, and that’s that. Surely, there’s no one else in the room when he looks at you and says, “Come with me?”

Anywhere, you think. Wherever you want.

“Yeah, sure.”

Which is how you end up with your back against the dirty brick wall of the Hideout. Eddie had guided you out the side door, ducking out into the cold with a murmur about there being less wind this way. Now he stands in front of you with a pack of cigarettes in one hand and a lighter in the other. He doesn’t move to shake one out, though, just holds them like props in a stage play. Like he’s waiting for something. And you know he is because you are too.

“So um,” you start softly, fingers toying with the hem of your shirt. “Sleeping (In the Fire), huh?”

Eddie’s answering grin is lopsided with affection, warm enough to heat up the kindling in your chest and set you up to burn. (If someone were to take your photo now, surely they would call it “Portrait of a Love Ablaze”.) It takes every ounce of self restraint you have not to press your fingers to the dimple in his cheek. “Well it’s not every day your–” He pauses, looks down at the lighter in his hand like all the words have left him. “It’s not every day you’re around for a show, anymore.”

It’s tooth-rotting stuff, really, and you tell yourself that’s why your stomach churns. Teasingly, you add, “Oh, so it was for me?”

“Fuck off,” he says through his laughter, not mean in the slightest. Your pulse jumps under your skin as he leans a fraction closer. “You think I’m out here being mushy in front of these old assholes for just anyone? C’mon.”

It’s so devastatingly endearing that you want to cry, but you laugh instead. Reach out and graze the thin skin of his wrist with your fingertips. Drag nails across his pulse there and watch as he struggles to blink away something intense. “About that–”

Honeyed-warm eyes drop from your face to your hand, lingering for a moment before they drag back up to you. He’s not guarded, though you couldn’t blame him for being, not even for a second. No, Eddie’s so heart-wrenchingly present that it makes your chest hurt all over again. Your fingers slide around his wrist and tug just so, encouraging him closer.

“Yeah?” He breathes, all but stumbling in the step forward.

You lick your lips and tug again until he’s close enough for you to feel a miniscule fraction of the heat radiating off his chest. Letting go of him even long enough to palm the cigarette carton and shove it in your back pocket is a feat of concentration, especially after a soft whine escapes his lips and hovers between you. The pink of his cheeks tells you he didn’t mean to let it out in the first place. It’s even sweeter that way.

Your fingers lace gently through his before you say anything. Then, finally… “I know I’ve been kind of a shithead this week.” Eddie doesn’t smile, but he thinks about it. “I’ve been really selfish and unfair to you since the end of the summer, and I… I think it’s important that we talk about it. And I do–I do want to give you space to say whatever you need to say to me. I know that’s really important, but before you do, there’s something I wanna say first.”

“Okay,” he breathes into the quiet and the cold, eyes never wavering from yours. “Go for it.”

This is where you learn to swim or the current drags you under.

“I love you. I never stopped, not when I broke up with you or when I left or when I didn’t call… And I know that it’s kind of twisted up and that I hurt you and that you have every right to not want this with me again. I know that there’s a long way to go from here and that it’ll take work and intentionality and choosing to be better to you than I have in the past.” Something akin to protest reaches out from his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything. “I’ve spent this whole week trying to figure out if walking back into your life is the worst mistake I could’ve made, because I didn’t make it on purpose. And because, really, every time I turn around, someone’s reminding me of how badly I fucked up with you. Which is fair–like super honestly fair, I thought I was trying to save us both some pain, but all I did was drag us both through it. And that’s a shithead move.

But I love you–I’m in love with you–and I think I finally kind of get that this isn’t my decision. At least not alone? It’s like these two-person boat things I saw out in San Francisco? Where, like, if one person stops pedaling, the boat starts to go off-path, so you need both people to be at the same pace and communicating? I don’t know, it’s a touristy thing, apparently, and it’s–it’s a shitty metaphor, sorry.” It’s your turn to blush, gaze dropping to your linked hands for a moment as you work up the courage for the rest. “Point is: if you’re willing to give me another shot at the relationship thing, I would really, really like that. If you’re not, I totally get it. I’ve been kind of fumble-fucking my way through the last few days and I–”

“Y/n?” Eddie cutting you off is a kindness, tone gentle and paired with the firm pressure of fingers squeezing around yours. His other hand moves, dropping the lighter into his pocket.

You look up again, lower lip trembling. It’s out there. It’s all out there now, and there’s no take-backs. Time to own it. “Yeah?”

His free hand is slipping up your arm, your shoulder, your neck as he leans in and murmurs, “I’m going to kiss you now.”

He waits until you nod to press his lips to yours, hot as he crowds in and brackets you against the wall. It’s warm and sweet, ardent and flush with desire. The kind of kiss that reminds you of summer nights under cotton sheets and watching fireworks from the top of the Ferris Wheel and every single second you’ve ever spent wrapped up in Eddie. You kiss, pliant and wild and overflowing with love, until there’s nothing left to do but breathe.

Ragged exhales catch the air and tangle together between the two of you, visible in the growing chill of the evening. “I’m really glad you came by to see me on Friday.”

“Yeah?”

He kisses you again, and this time you believe it.

Woo--this chapter was a doozy. It got away from me a bit, I’ll be honest, but I think (I hope) it’s worth it for everyone! The songs in this chapter are “Overdose” by AC/DC and “Sleeping (In the Fire)” by W.A.S.P. They are both on the brand-new Tis the Damn Season Playlist, which will be updated with songs that fit chapters and general vibes as the fic goes along! It sort of feels like a road-map for story progression.

Anyway, with all that said, the next part probably won’t be out for a while. I’m leaving for DragonCon on Thursday and won’t be home until probably late on Monday, which means I will be without a computer for about 5 days, and that will put a serious pause on story progression. I hope Part 7 was enough to tide you over until then.

As always, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!

Tag list: @ajokeformur-ray @wyverntatty and @thruheavenandhighwater!! If you’d like to be added, just shoot me a message!!

#caro fics #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson imagine #tis the damn season #stranger things fanfiction

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spextronaut · 1 year

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My thoughts on this week’s episode of the Mandalorian:

Rip Nevarro ig and they were doing so well smh

If this is another filler ass episode I will be so upset what happened to this being a show about Mando

I wish this wasn’t a Disney show bc these bitches need to be able to curse each other out so bad

Oh thank good Mando is here

BABY GIRL <33333

I do truly miss this being the Mando + Grogu show but I don’t entirely hate what’s happening (I don’t like it tho)

YEAHHHH GROGU <33333

lmao they just have. a fucking talking hammer it’s very funny

You should lay your lives down bc Grogu is cute as shit

Oh okay. That. That’s not what i expected but that’s a slay good job Paz

when people call Din by his proper name <33333

Okay this episode has gotten better since the start that’s fun

Din is being such a goddamn babygirl today I adore him

Mandalorians are really just born to slay huh

Paz is being a badass again I do love him sometimes

This feels like they’re fighting a losing battle and I’m not crazy about thatttt

Well they are at least on the ground

The Armorer my fucking beloved I love when she gets to beat the shit out of people

And the Mandos are winning again they’re slaying so fucking hard <3333

SLAYYYYY I LOVE THEM <333

Once again we’re proving that Din and Bo-Katan work best when they’re together and that’s some sibling shit right there

GROGU!!

omfg they’ve got a fuckin home now <3

Oh god the Armorer wishes to speak with her

Where in the flip flap fuck are they

Oh it’s the sewers it’s been a hell of a minute

Remove her fuckin,,, excuse me what now

The Armorer is making her break the Creed???? Her of all people???

Im so confused what is happening rn

Ohhh bitch Din was the one who was supposed to get this arc fuck you >:(

Din has the Darksaber he should be the one uniting them you fucking whore >:(

She can do it without the Darksaber??? What’s Din meant to do?? Is he gonna lead the Covert while Bo-Katan unites the Mandalorians???

What in the fuck is that it’s very very threatening

Ah hell Moff Gideon is back smh I’m sick of his shit

Mandos rescued Moff Gideon??? What???

Overall this was just… not that good of an episode? Like it was fun and I enjoyed the battles but it really made me realize how far we’ve strayed from s1 and how the writers seem to just not give a shit about Din and Grogu and their arcs anymore

I’d rate it a 3/5 bc there were good scenes but overall it just isn’t that good anymore? Save for designs and acting the show’s gone seriously downhill and I’m hoping that if it gets renewed for a s4 (if it hasn’t already) it starts going uphill again considering all the other shows coming out that can set up future Star Wars projects

Just a side note, but I hate to say that TBoBF did a better job with Din and Grogu than Mando s3 is, and that is really really sad imo. But that just… did better with interactions and characterization, especially with seeing the two of them separated? I think it would’ve been better for Grogu to be seen in TBoBF, have Din give Ahsoka the chain mail, but then we just don’t see Luke give Grogu the option to leave or not? So that way we get to see Grogu hijinks while he’s on his own with R2-D2 and/or Din trying to rebuild himself without his son around or trying to get Grogu back throughout s3

#spencer rambles #the mandalorian season 3 #the mandalorian season three spoilers #the mandalorion spoilers #the mandalorian #din djarin #grogu #the mandalorian season 3 episode 5 #the mandalorian chapter 21 #god I am so disappointed in how this show is going #but all the acting is pretty good so at least they have that going

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salvatoreren · 6 months

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I finally watched AOT's last episode and frankly, I am not okay, I have been sobbing a river oh my fucking god.

Anyways, it was really good, as expected of MAPPA anyway, I was pretty much crying the whole episode actually.

I have complaints, mostly because of the not included anime, little things like not having the flashbacks of Armin of reading a book in the rain, the squirrels etc. etc. I would have love to see them in the market and the way to the boy who sought freedom, goodbye was not implemented, I WAS WAITING FOR THAT COME ON

The anime only scenes were good too, like Levi giving food to the refugees, falco and gabi, i wish we saw their outfits tho, they slayed with that one.

the way they played 13 no fuyu, im killing myself, ive been listening to that shit since 2022 which mind you was when i was active once more in aot, the fucking flashbacks my god, that was so tragic RAHHH

i also saw aot's op, EREN WITH A BOW? EREN WITH A BOW!!! MIND YOU I JUST FINISHED WATCHING THE HUNGER GAMES SO IMMEDIATELY IM LIKE YES YES IT'S GIVING KATNISS EVERDEEN, WITH WHAT HIM BEING HUMANITY'S HOPE, ESP WITH THE FIRE COMING OUT OF IT FORMING A BIRD

THE SAME BIRD WE SAW ON S4 ENDING 1, oh my god, the opening was really cool omg, it perfectly showcased eren's journey, what he went through, despite being absent in the final chapters, it still showed Eren was still the protagonist...Which isayama did not understand when he made 139

Yes, I am bitter still with the ending, no, I am not hearing anyone out and no, I am not going to pour my disappointments with it STILL, here because yeah.

It's such a shame that's the last and final time we'll ever see it, devastating tragedy omg.

ARMIN AND EREN'S FINAL INTERACTION, IM GLAD THEY MADE THEM HOLD HANDS, THANK YOU MAPPA, PLS THE WAY THEY'LL BE TOGETHER FOREVER AND WILL BE WAITING FOR EACH OTHER IN HELL, GAGGED, IM DEAD, MY ROMAN EMPIRE FOR REAL

Now that's out of the way.

It's been a long and fun ride, regardless, the final season has been going for what three years, i've been with this series for three years, it was fun really it was, this series took such a simplistic and cliched approach then twisted into something more complex and truly gutwrenching. 2020 was nothing without AOT, in my opinion, watching AOT broadened my media consumption, yanked me into the anime world and i already have so many fandoms i'm in.

2020 was a hard time too, i couldn't have done it without this bloody series, god, i remember aboarding the train hype, everything was everywhere, fics, art, videos, memes etc. All those I read influenced my writing style, all those theories made me think more critically, those memes and videos of it made me laugh. It's funny how a series like this one comforted me so much.

I remember being so traumatized by the first episode i'm like who the fuck would ever like this series with this much blood and that night i immediately searched for eren fics because i was like who is this boy i like him, i fucking dreamt of the beast titan, all those nights racing with my sister who could finish the series first, i literally woke up at 4 just to watch it before she could.

Fucking terrified which of my favorite characters were going to die next, literally sobbing over armin's death, god and the mindfuck with Marley and Eldians and Subjects of Ymir in the fray oh my god.

Can I just say, I wouldn't be who I was without AOT? Even with my cynical behavior, it's all because of it.

2021 who i never fail to reiterate and think fondly is good because of AOT as well, I figured wow, the final season is coming back, I should rewatch it again and so the hyperfixation began, i was sick too, almost dying too actually, dengue is dangerous and it was just a fond memory because i was watching aot and i acted like i never had watch these scenes in my life and despite feeling like dying i felt okay.

I was so batshit crazy when part 2 came out, that was the one that was actually peak AOT don't lie, I was literally screaming like i was giving birth OVER AN OPENING AND AN ENDING, i'll never forget any of it.

When I cried watching the whole episode, it really just occurred to me that this is really the end for AOT, i was only ever able to go through it because I have the anime and it what really kept the whole fandom alive, the anime's honestly the reason why it had this many fans as you can see.

And again the way it's heartwrenching for it to just be a simple series and then it's full blown war, jean and reiner holding out to each other, remembering how they used to be close and comrades then betrayals and war happened and it's all ruined.

The devastating realization of seeing the last few panels animated, watching the end flash through the screen, realizing there was nothing out of this now, no more next episodes, no more hype, it's gone and it's so devastating because how happy it made you, the way you'll never see these characters again, only in rewatches or art. But it's not the same.

I admit I don't feel as hyperfixated over it now, after getting burnt out of it last year, even good things go badly sadly and i was just here for eren now, but doesn't change the fact this series has nurtured my quarantine, i grew up with this series even if it was only recent, who changed the trajectory of my life and had me find my paths.

I'll never forget these characters who made my life, who brought life to the story, even if they were just moved by the plot now, i'll always have a soft spot for AOT, i will always love it, regardless how much i hate it, there will always be fondness within it.

It's kind of weird, really to see Levi who has done so much to the fandom just by existing and being drawn and animated now cease to exist? I suppose, looking at him feels weird like imagine comparing 2014 levi to 2023 levi now omg, that's where you really begin to realize how much time has passed and how much AOT has evolved AGAIN JKSDHJ

well, i'm still on eren's side, still hate what happened to him but i'll always love him, he is such an important character to me, i don't think i truly ever loved someone like him despite representing the total opposite of me, he just had that charm i suppose, his views are so hauntingly beautiful, idealistic, him representing hope, despite what he did, in the end he did what he could for himself and for his people IN MY HUMBLE ONION

eren yeager i'll always love you

i'm kinda scared what would happen to this fandom now, will it die now? Will it live? I doubt, I haven't even finished my eren fic and lol, either way i hope someone will still enjoy AOT, i hope still there will be new watchers.

This is long but this is just how I really feelt about AOT which I wholeheartedly do love and cherish with all the memories and the pain it gave.

Thank you Isayama for this world, for these characters, for these mindblowing revelations about war, life and freedom, for the heartaches and the joy.

Thank you WIT for raising AOT and truly breathing life to it, for garnering fans for it to be more appreciated.

Thank you MAPPA for continuing WIT's legacy, you are not the same but still delievered, thank you for carrying the final season and the fandom on your back, may you sleep well and have your deserved pay.

Thank you for the voice actors who breathed those memorable lines to be used in edits.

Thank you Linked Horizon for coming back, aot was iconic because of your openings.

Thank you AOT for everything.

#shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot #attack on titan #thank you aot #thank you isayama

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