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#sel says something
eatacrackerandstop · 3 months
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making the santa outfits sparkly was the best decision the costume department of mg made
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so i went to the eras show yesterday and it was quite literally an out of body experience.
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kazz-brekker · 6 months
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objectively i knew that publishing decides ahead of time which books they want to be successful, but it's really SO fascinating to see it play out in real time now that i work as a bookseller. like, we've had plenty of new releases by popular authors like rick riordan and cassandra clare since i started working at my store, and although the really big books sometimes get a piece of merch like a sticker or a little sign advertising the book, iron flame by rebecca yarros is the only book we've released so far that had a midnight release party, mini tote bags for pre orders, specially made pins and temporary tattoos, multiple decorations for the store including a huge poster and cut-outs of dragons to hang on the walls, and a special edition of the first book that's only slightly different from the original book but is selling just as well as the sequel. it's wild. if that publisher decided to push any other book as hard as they were pushing the special edition of fourth wing, that book would be a bestseller several times over. as it is, it makes me dizzy to think about how many copies of those books have sold in the last 24 hours.
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selvepnea · 5 months
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Been thinking about my body a lot
#Sel talks#Listened through Fat Talk by Virginia Sole-Smith which talked a lot about how bodies are tools#And the way she talked about how thin-ness shouldn't be something we strive for#And I can't help but draw parallels between my own desire to go on t? I don't know. Been having too many thoughts stewing#I keep coming back to isabeau's line of “maybe it was easier to change into someone I could love than to learn how to love how I was”#And I had drawn both hrt and diet culture back into this; but. Neither of them are from self love?#It's. Idk; a friction? On how you perceive yourself and how the world perceives you?#Or. Idk idk. It's hard to articulate now that I'm trying to get it down#If I remember right; one of the messages of fat talk was how bodies should be for function first and foremost; and should hardly-if ever-#Considered for aesthetic. And yes- trying to loose weight is one of the most damaging aesthetic changes you can do-#Idk! I feel like I'm looking too far into it#Something something you're not happy with how your body looks/is perceived so you want to change it#Whether that's influenced by society; loved ones; or something biological; it's still a desire to change your body#Although one is vastly more accepted than the other#Trying to become thin is trying to make yourself more comfortable in a vastly fatphobic world; to placate the people think they have say#Over your body; make yourself more palettable to the world around you.#Which I guess is an important distinction#Becoming the person you want to be even through everyone telling you that it's wrong or disgusting#But a part of me can't help but think a part of the reason I want to do hrt might have something to do with our male centric society?#I'm too tired to elaborate any further but I feel less busy now that I have it out
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genderjester · 2 months
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every time someone talks abt a gay ship "ruining" the characters' friendship i am reminded that there are ppl out there who genuinely see romance and friendship as two entirely separate and mutually exclusive categories for some reason. why the fuck would u think the friendship is suddenly gone bc someone thinks a character kisses his bestie on the lips ????? the romance is an addition not a substitution why the fuck wouldnt u wanna be friends with ur partner/date someone u are friends with?????????
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rotisseries · 10 months
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I JUST FINISHED REREADING LEGENDBORN AND STARTED BLOODMARKED LAST NIGHT AND COME ON HERE AND YOU'RE ALSO READING IT 😨😨 WE SYNCED
CLOWN TO CLOWN COMMUNICATION. OUR UNBREAKABLE BOND
#come talk to me when you finish bloodmarked I reread legendborn last night and got to the gala bit#that I'd completely forgotten about where bree says something about how her nick and sel are all bonded to each other#and like. combined that with bloodmarked as a whole but especially chapters 51 and 58#I am absolutely fucking certain I'll die on the polyamory hill like THEY ARE ALL FUCKING BONDED ALL 3 OF THEM IT'S CONSTANTLY REITIRATED#NO WAY SHE PICKS JUST ONE IT WOULDN'T BE RIGHT#WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE POLY CODING. WHAT THE HELL.#every time I'm in the bathroom I start looking into the nearest mirror and start talking to myself crazily#about how actually fucking insane it is like I'm losing my mind tracy deonn what are you on can I take a hit#so yeah keep me posted on your reading progress lol#speaking of rereading legendborn though I'd forgotten just how mean nick and sel are to each other in the first book#and it was like. actually crazy to see that continue pretty much right up until the end bc they don't really get a chance for reconciliatio#and then to compare that with having also just recently finished bloodmarked#which is literally like. a complete fucking 180#idk if nick's month being kidnapped by his dad just gave him a lot of time to reflect or something#but he never has a genuinely bad thing to say about sel. like right from the start and his first appearances in bloodmarked#similarly for sel lmao#contrasted with the. everything in legendborn. like it's actually fucking crazy#what spending a month away from your magically bonded bro does to a mf#anyway. in regards to us always reading the same shit have you been keeping up with chloe gong's books?#bc I read foul lady fortune and last violent call earlier this week as well#ask#lyoshaland#hi lyosha!
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River Song 🤝 Selina Kyle (Reevesverse)
world-hardened women who are often misunderstood both in- and out-of-universe and are not, in fact, femme fatales in a foundational sense despite acting as such for their own purposes and/or necessity
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dumbkiwi · 1 year
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lizlovestofangirl · 2 months
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"i never was the best to you"
asshole!luke castellan x daughterofposiden!reader
smau - luke and y/n dated but and he never treated her right. he wants to fix things, but it's too late (luke is terrible in this fair warning)
🎧 - best by gracie abrams
a/n: hi guys! thank you so much for 500 likes on my first post! thats absolutely wild. i hope you guys like this! lmk if there's something you want next (also i kinda hate the ending of this so sorry if the second half sucks)
*swearing, not checked so there might be mistakes*
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liked by larueclarisse, silenaaaa, and others
yn_yln chicks before dicks
view comments:
silenaaaa i love you
yn_yln thanks for getting my mind off things sel ❤️
larueclarisse HOT
liked by author
larueclarisse emphasis on DICK
percy.jackson i second that
yn_yln y'all chill 😭
larueclarisse no i might kill him later
percy.jackson i'll help
larueclarisse we ride at dawn
hi_imtyson i miss my sister
yn_yln miss you too big guy
whosannabeth my favorite
yn_yln 🤍
rachel.edare GIRLS NIGHTTTT
yn_yln WOOOOO 🥂🍕😘
iamchrisrodriguez oh so thats why i wasnt invited
larueclarisse chris you dumbass
_groverunderwood i think i might need to make guys night a thing
itslukecastellan yeah we could go to the city
_groverunderwood you aren't invited
percy.jackson where are you i just want to talk
larueclarisse YOU'RE BRAVE TO BE IN HER COMMENTS
silenaaaa fuck off luke
iamchrisrodriguez not a good choice man
whosannabeth the dumbest boy to ever live istg
rachel.edare theres no way
yn_yln he just got himself blocked 💀
larueclarisse 🦅🦅🦅🦅
percy.jackson good
silenaaaa i can practically hear him crying
iamchrisrodriguez he wants you to unblock him
rachel.edare DONT
larueclarisse DONT
whosannabeth DONT
_groverunderwood DONT
itslukecastellan's story
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view reply from larueclarisse:
larueclarisse i hate you 😊
view reply from percy.jackson:
percy.jackson using her favorite artist against her is too far
view reply from iamchrisrodriguez:
iamchrisrodriguez yet another dumb decision
itslukecastellan is just want her to know how i feel
iamchrisrodriguez not the way to do it
iamchrisrodriguez also she blocked you so she wont see this dummy
iamchrisrodriguez nvm clarisse showed her and she said y/n is even more pissed
view reply from whosannabeth:
whosannabeth do you even know what resent means
itslukecastellam beth how do i fix this
whosannabeth 🤷‍♀️
yn_yln's story
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view reply from iamchrisrodriguez:
iamchrisrodriguez: y/n/n i'm so sorry. i should've listened to you and told the truth. i should have never put you in a position where you felt like i would choose someone else over you. every time i see you walk by i want to reach out and hold you like i should have held you that night. i love you. please give me a second chance. yours, luke
yn_yln lmao no. don't call it "making me feel like you would choose someone else over me" just call it cheating you dickhead
view reply from larueclarisse:
larueclarisse real bc what is he on
yn_yln HE MESSAGED ME FROM CHRIS'S PHONE
larueclarisse WHAT
larueclarisse WHAT DID HE SAY
yn_yln sent a screnshot
larueclarisse he acts like he gave you a papercut when he CHEATED (percy saw the screenshot and is on his way to find him rn)
yn_yln oop
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sprout-fics · 10 months
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Breaking and Entering
(John Price x F! Reader)
(Call of Duty Masterlist)
Rating: M Wordcount: 4.2k Tags: Girl Dad Price, Wife Reader, Angst, Fluff, Feral John Price, Cuddling, Hurt/Comfort, TF141, (Unrealistic interpretations of UK gun laws) Warnings: Home invasions, Deadly use of firearms A/N: AKA the home invasion fic nobody asked for
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When your number lights up his phone, Price knows it by heart. 
There’s just one problem.
You aren’t supposed to call this one.
He’s in the middle of a briefing when it happens, discussing relevant intel ahead of a mission happening in the imminent future. Arms folded, beside the projector screen, voice taking on his gruff, clipped tone used only to convey orders, information, commands. It’s a late workday, but the intelligence that has just come in is valuable, extremely relevant to the team’s next hunt. As much as Price would like to be home, he can’t be. Duty comes first, and you’ve learned to accept that in him.
His phone rings in his pocket, and he catches Gaz’s face just in time to see the expression of ‘Really, Cap?’ Before he excuses himself, looks at the screen.
It’s you.
Normally he’d have his phone on silent for briefings, but now he’s glad he’s forgotten. He’s told you explicitly that this number is for emergencies, and emergencies only. Short of life or death scenarios, this number is exclusively off limits.
Which means when he sees the number, his heart sinks below his stomach.
He’s answering and moving before your voice even comes through, wordlessly striding from the briefing room and ignoring the questioning calls from his team after him. There’s no preamble to your conversation, and he tries to remove the anger, the fear from his voice when he speaks.
“Where are you?”
“In the bedroom.” You whisper back urgently, and he can hear the tremble in your voice, can practically feel you shaking through the phone. There’s a pause on the other end of the line as he shoves open the doors to the command center towards the direction of the parking lot.
“John.” You whisper again, voice very small, hushed and quiet. “John, there’s someone in the house.”
Price doesn’t freeze despite the cold wash of dread in his veins. There’s only motion under his feet, heart pumping full of adrenaline in his chest, where something fearful, furious, brutal coils in a low growl. 
Before he can respond, however, there’s the sudden crash of something on the other line and you whimper.
“Where are the girls?” He demands as he waves off an officer who salutes him as he walks by, swinging his hand so hard the other man flinches.
“In the bathroom. I locked them in, they’re being quiet like their mummy told them.” You reply, and he can hear the growing sob in your throat. You’re terrified, beside yourself, but you don’t say it, don’t tell him how worried you are, how you want him to come home. You know he’s already on his way, you know to be brave, and for a moment Price’s heart swells with the tender affection of pride before it quells when there’s another clatter in the background.
“Hang up and call the police.” He tells you on no uncertain terms, pulling his keys from his jacket and all but racing towards his car.
“I already did. Told them where we are but-”
You pause then, release a low, shuddering exhale that crackles through the phone. 
“John, I just wanted to say I love you.”
“Don’t.” He snaps before he can stop himself, gripping the steering wheel with a white-knuckle grip. “You are going to be fine, you understand me? You and the girls. I’m on my way, the police will get there before I do.”
And if they don’t, there will be hell to pay. He adds silently.
He can hear you suck in a breath to say something next, only to pause. 
The stairs creak in the background.
Price floors the gas.
“Get the gun.” Price tells you gravely, flashing his credentials at the gate operator without looking at him. “Can you get to the safe?”
It had become necessary due to the nature of his work to ensure you had a certain level of self-defense for your safety when he wasn’t home. Price had more enemies than he could count, and while he had made every precaution to ensure nobody, not even his team, knew of your existence, he had placed a certain level of insurance with you just in case. The paperwork had been a nightmare to get through, but with the mention of his specific job description, the powers that be had allowed an exception to the laws on weapons, leaving you with a short revolver hidden in a safe in the bedroom. 
You don’t answer his query, but Price can hear a rustle, the sound of you moving across the room to the top of the dresser. 
Moments tick by, and Price doesn’t speak in the silence, not wanting to offer a single sound that may alert the intruder to where you are. You remain just as quiet, but Price can hear the low, slow click of the safe’s lock as you twist the code into place. 
April 22nd. Your eldest’s birthday.
“I’ve got it.” You whisper, barely audible through the phone. 
Price sighs in relief, the smoky breath of him curling across the dashboard as he weaves through traffic, speeding tickets be damned. 
“Good girl.” He rumbles, trying to keep his voice low, even, reassuring. “Is the door locked?”
“...Yes. Yes.” You reply back, and he swears he can hear the sound of the gun shaking in your hand as you hold it.
“Loaded?” He asks again. There’s a click that is too loud when you open the chamber to check. 
“Six bullets.” You murmur, voice a little more even, more level now in a way that makes his heart ease, makes the commanding, logical instinct of his military training activate. 
“I want you by the door.” He orders you as if you’re one of his own. “Both hands on the gun, just as I showed you. Understand?”
“Yes, Sir.” You answer, and that alone, the wry humor you give him nearly has him smile, chuff with affectionate laughter. Yet whatever humor he possesses is terrifyingly absent in this scenario, the one that could very well end with both you and his daughters dead by the time he gets home. 
Bloody fucking hell. Where are the bloody cops?
“John…” You whisper then, just a touch louder so he hears you better over the thrum of the engine. “I can’t hear him. I think he’s gone.”
Price allows his eyes to flutter shut for all of a moment, clamping down on the premature relief that rises in his chest. 
“Are you sure?” He asks, softer, trying to ease your frayed, tender nerves. 
He can hear you swallow over the line, trying to wet your dry throat. “I…I think so.” You tell him at last. “I don’t-”
BANG-!
The sound of the bedroom door being kicked in.
He can hear you scream from the other end of the line, voice rising sharply in panic and terror as another, deeper voice echoes in the background, rising even louder with words he can’t hear. The sound is garbled, unintelligible as your phone drops to the floor. Price can barely hear the sound of his own voice when he shouts for you, words cracking in his throat. The road around him blurs, and he looks to the display on the dashboard to gauge the time until his arrival. 
Two minutes.
Two minutes for you to die, for his two beautiful daughters to be killed as they scream for you, two minutes for the undeserved happiness of his life to be stolen from him. 
Price yells again, voice desperate, calling your name. There’s the sound of struggle in the background, and you curse at your attacker- feral, untamed, terrified. Like a wild, injured mother animal defending her young from a predator.
Yet before Price can call out for you again, there’s a crunch, another, and the line goes dead. 
The world drops out from under him. 
The tires of Price’s car screech as he takes the turn into the neighborhood far too quickly, leaning with the inertia of the vehicle as he races down the street towards the house where his whole life is falling apart.
The car lurches to a stop in the middle of the street, Price not bothering to park properly as he tumbles out of the driver’s side door and towards the front step of the townhouse.
BANG-!!
A gunshot.
Price sees the image of your smiling face in a beautiful white dress flash behind his eyes.
The house goes silent.
Price used to be a religious man. His father would drag him to church on Sundays, would insist on his boys dressing proper and maintaining the appearance of good, devout, obedient children. He tried very hard to make himself believe through his adulthood, but in the years spent toiling in the dusty, blood-soaked underbelly of the world, Price has long since convinced himself there is no God left for ruined men like him.
Even so, in this moment, he prays.
The front door is locked, latched tight. The burglar must have come through the back door into the garden. Price calls for you, and it’s a stupid move on his part, alerting the enemy to his position, perhaps startling them enough to give them an opportunity to escape. Yet the silence that greets him has his blood thrumming, deafening in his ears and he kicks, once, twice at the center of the door before the latch buckles and the thing swings open on its hinges. 
There’s crying from the bedroom.
There’s no gun on him, too frantic to grab a side-arm before he sped off base. So instead Price reaches for a knife hidden in his pocket, holding it ready in front of him as he slowly ascends the stairs. The crying is louder now, and he can tell it’s younger voices. Whimpers, tearful whispers from his two beautiful girls still locked in the bathroom. Yet the bedroom where you are remains silent, and as Price reaches the top of the stairs he tries to remember whatever saint offers the blessing of protection, safety. 
He rounds the corner, and instantly his toes bump against a limp, dead body sprawled on the floor of the bedroom. Price doesn’t look down immediately, trying to steady himself, preparing himself for the sight of his beautiful wife dead at his feet.
A dark hoodie. A surgical mask. A pool of red soaking into the carpet. 
It isn’t you. 
“John.”
Price looks up, and in the darkness of the bedroom he finds you with your back against the dresser, several drawers half open and spilling their contents onto the floor. You sit, holding the revolver, legs askew on the floor, hands trembling fiercely, shoulders shaking-
Alive.
Price collapses to his knees in front of you, and you whimper into him as he hauls you into his arms. You nearly push at him, still caught the shock of being ambushed, attacked, touched by a man that wasn’t him. When you squirm, Price merely holds you fast against his chest, murmuring low, raspy reassurances until you still. 
“Shh, it’s me. It’s me, love. You’re safe. It’s over.”
With one hand, he tucks his blade into his jacket, with the other he slowly removes the weapon from your grip, clicks the safety on, and tucks it to the side, well out of the way. No doubt the presence of the weapon will be a nightmare to deal with when the police arrive, but that’s not his concern right now. 
“Are you hurt?” He asks, turning you face up to him in his palms, and he can feel the wetness on your cheeks, can see the liquid stare of you in the darkness of the bedroom. You shake your head, lip trembling but trying not to cry, and it aches at him like nothing else. The hurt is only soothed by the taste of your lips, a desperate kiss, wet with the taste of your tears as you instinctively part for him, allowing a shuddering little gasp to break through. You whimper again, something that sounds like ‘John’, grasp at him a little harder until he tucks you back into his chest. 
“T-the girls-” You try, voice cracking, and Price hushes you, rocking just a touch as you try to calm down. 
“They’re in the bathroom.” He tells you quietly. “They’re safe.”
You hiccup at that, finally allowing a sob to break free as you cling to him, bury your face into his chest so his shirt stains with tears. 
“I-I was so afraid.” You confess, and Price merely tucks you closer to him, hauls you into his arms with the promise of safety. 
“I know, love. I know.” He tells you. “You’re safe. You’re alright. You did well, my brave girl.”
You cry a little harder at that, and at last Price hears the sound of sirens at the edge of the neighborhood, racing far too late to where the two of you sit in the darkened bedroom. 
He hauls you up into his arms when they arrive, helps you down the stairs and presses you into the arms of a kindly police woman before returning into the house. An officer in a yellow jacket urges him to stay put, but Price snarls in his face, startles him so badly the man takes a step back and pales. 
It’s easy to climb the stairs now, to come to the locked bathroom door that shelters his children from the horror they did not witness. As soon as he opens the door they spill into his arms, his two beautiful daughters, weeping against him in wordless blubbers of terror and relief. Yet the first question they ask isn’t about where he was, what has happened, why the police are there. Instead his eldest, at the age of six, her gorgeous eyes the same color as her mother's, stares tearfully up at him and asks: “Where’s mummy?”
“Outside.” He tells her with a gentleness he had forgotten he possessed, hauling her younger sister up into his embrace as she sniffles into his shoulder. “Let’s go see her.”
Yet before he steps back into the bedroom, he kneels down and stares at his brave, eldest girl and tells her: “We’re going downstairs. Don’t open your eyes until you’re outside, understand?”
She does, of course she does. He’s never given her a reason to doubt him, so the both of them squeeze their eyes shut, don’t open them even as Price lifts them over the dead man still laying oozing on the floor. 
When they get outside they rush towards you, fresh bouts of tears in their eyes, asking about the blood splattered on your nightgown, staining it crimson. He can see you panic, nearly explaining the truth, before you shakily smile, hold them both in your arms and tell them: “It’s strawberry jam, my loves. Mummy is very silly and spilled jam all over herself.”
It takes the better part of an hour to explain to the police what has happened, to have you checked over by a paramedic, one who offers peppermints to your two girls as they balance at the back of the ambulance. Price entrusts you to them, discussing the situation in low, grave tones with the officers over why they were not as quick to respond as he had hoped. The officer from earlier is defensive at first, tries to puff his chest and explain to Price the logistics of the response, and Price levels him with a mere look of stony, violent anger that instead has the man fumbling for an apology. 
It’s that alone that has the man dismiss any possible charges for you, takes one glance at the weapons permit and tips his hat at the captain with a small ‘Sir.’
At long last, after the crime scene tape has been rolled out and the house cordoned off, does Price return to you and the girls, who have calmed down considerably and now doze drowsily on either side of you, still dressed in their pajamas. You lean up into the tender kiss he bestows upon your forehead, murmurs another reassurance there before tilting you into his palms.
“We can’t stay here tonight.” He tells you gently, and you sag in relief. 
“A hotel?” You ask, and Price only shakes his head at you, watching your brow wrinkle in confusion.
“I’m taking you to base.” He replies softly, firmly. “No place safer in the world than with me.”
You know it’s true, he can see it in your smile as you gaze up at him, adoring, with a trust he still struggles to tell himself he’s earned.
So you’re bundled into his car alongside your two young girls, the three of you in the backseat as he retraces his path back in the direction of the base. It’s only once you also begin to doze off in the back seat that he hazards a glance at his phone. 
Five missed calls, three from Gaz alone, one from Soap, and one from Laswell that’s followed with a text saying “Call me. ASAP.”
He has a lot of explaining to do.
Somehow he manages to talk his way past the gate guard, who looks puzzled at the woman and two girls sleeping in his backseat. Yet he waves Price through, and eventually the four of you arrive at the officer’s quarters. Price manages to hold both of his daughters, one in each arm, with you clinging to his side, hiding your face in his sleeve as you pass the soldiers who pause with long, drawn out stares at the sight before them. It’s an unusual circumstance to say at best, and Price knows he’ll have to corner more than one man tomorrow to ensure their silence on the whole affair. All that matters right now is getting you and the girls to safety, to somewhere the three of you can bunk down and sleep this dreaded evening off. 
What Price doesn’t expect to find, however, is three younger SAS agents awaiting him in front of his bunk, leaning against the wall and talking quietly amongst themselves. Gaz, Soap, and Ghost startle at the sight of their captain holding two young girls in their nighties, and a woman at his side with blood not entirely scrubbed from her nightgown. 
“...Sir?” Gaz manages tightly after Price silently brushes him aside with little regard, unlocking his door. Yet when Gaz tries to assist the captain shoots him a look. The expression that flits across his sergeant’s face has him regretting it almost instantly, but apologies will have to wait as he ushers you inside. It takes a moment for Price to carefully deposit his sleeping daughters into the neatly made military cot, and when he does he catches your eyes just as you nod to the three men still hovering in the doorway. 
It’s with a sigh that Price rubs the back of his neck and turns towards his concerned and puzzled team, clicking the door shut behind him so the conversation does not disturb his family. 
“Introductions will have to wait until the morning.” He announces quietly, hearing the fatigue in his own voice. “They’ve had quite the night.”
“You never said you were married.” Soaps blurts out before he can stop himself, and at the look Price gives him in regards to his volume he mildly tacks on a little “...Sir.”
Price allows himself a moment to knead the bridge of his nose, huffing a suffering sigh as he decides what to say next. 
“There’s a reason I haven’t told you boys.” He explains at last, looking up. “You know our work. You know the enemies we’ve made, myself more than the rest of you. You know they will exploit every opportunity of ours that they can.”
He levels his team with a severe, grim stare. “I will never allow my family to become one of those opportunities. Understood?”
The silent, unspoken words there ring loudly in the silence that follows. 
This is a secret. For the four of us. Do not ever speak of it to anyone else.
He can see them trade glances, still confused, apprehensive, but at least agreeable to Price’s explanation. 
“Copy.” Gaz offers quietly at last, and both Ghost and Soap nod as well. Price manages to catch his lieutenant’s stare for a moment, and Simon darts his gaze to the door behind his captain, and then to Price meaningfully, nodding. 
Of course Simon would understand the gravity of secrecy that comes with this, Price thinks, and for a moment he regrets not telling his second in command sooner. 
“Good.” Price announces summarily after a beat, and the clipped tone of him has the team straighten on instinct. “We can talk more in the morning. Dismissed.”
Ghost nods, about to stride away when he catches Soap about to make further comments, grabbing him by the back of the shirt and tugging him away. Price can hear the Scot grumble in irritation, but obediently follows behind his LT. Gaz stays a little longer, shifting uneasily on his feet. 
“Sargeant?” Price asks, and the tone isn’t unkind, still regretting the venom he shot the man earlier. 
“Sir.” Gaz begins, eyes cast down to his feet. “...Are they alright?”
It’s that question, the soft, uncertain concern of his sergeant that makes Price’s shoulder go lax, has his breath exit him in a soft, steady sigh. His broad, calloused palm settles on Gaz’s shoulder, making the man look up with a worried, grimaced expression.
“They’ll be fine.” Price tells him, voice dipping low as it does for his own daughters. “They’ve had a bit of a shock, lad. They need to sleep it off, know that they’re safe now. You can help me with that come morning. Understand?”
Gaz brightens at that, always wanting to be useful, to prove himself to the man who has taken him under his wing. 
“Of course, Sir.” He offers, reassured, and Price nods. 
“Good. Get some sleep. The girls will be a handful tomorrow, I have a feeling I’ll be needing assistance.”
Gaz nods, makes finally to leave, when Price calls him once more. 
“Gaz?” He asks, making the man pause. “Call Laswell. Tell her I’ve got three VIPs I’m dealing with. She’ll understand.”
Gaz’s gaze brightens, and Price inwardly cringes, recognizing the error he’s committed. No doubt Gaz and Laswell will be having an extended conversation in his absence about the things he’s failed to mention. Yet Gaz chirps an affirmative and vanishes down the hall before Price can stop him. 
When Price returns to his room, the door clicking behind him softly, he admires the sight before him. His two daughters splay across the bed, clinging to your form tucked between them as you hush a lullaby to ease their dreams. Thankfully, they both have managed to fall asleep quickly, likely exhausted by earlier events. The sight of his girls soft, sleepy, blessedly safe in his quarters is nearly enough to bring him to his knees. 
You look up at him as he leans on the door, beckoning him into bed. It takes a moment to divest himself of all but his shirt and pants, but eventually Price manages to scoot his way into the narrow cot, hauling his youngest atop his chest to make room. She curls there with a whining, sleepy murmur before falling still once more. A hand settles in her hair, idly stroking as Price coaxes her further into dreams. 
Against his side, you scoot so your head lays against his bicep, your eldest daughter now tucked safely between you. It’s a bit awkward, the four of you trying to scrunch together on such a narrow cot, and Price doesn’t doubt that by morning he’ll be sleeping in his desk chair. Yet now, in the soft lull of evening, in the absence of gunshots and dead phone lines, he allows himself to be at peace. 
“I nearly lost you.” He finds himself rasping quietly, as if he can still barely understand the thought. You make a sound of dissatisfaction at that, nudging him in disapproval. 
“None of that.” You scold quietly, and Price holds his tongue about the fears he wants to say, the pleas for forgiveness he wants to ask of you for not being there when you needed him the most. 
“I love you.” He says instead, and despite not being an emotional man, he finds the hollow of his heart aching, empty with regret. 
You’re silent for a moment, and there’s a part of him that wonders if you’ll return it, if you’ll suddenly realize how selfish he’s been in allowing himself to love you despite his duty. 
Instead you turn, grasp at his hand, bring it to your lips in a firm, tender kiss. 
“I love you too, Captain Johnathan Price.” You whisper, and Price’s eyes close, chest aching, the world quiet around him, and yet full. When he breathes, it releases as a sighed prayer to the heavens, a plea for mercy for your safety, for his own forgiveness, for the promise of another day, another hour with his family in his arms. 
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@guyfieriii @zwiiicnziiix @writeforfandoms
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eatacrackerandstop · 5 months
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canonically lesbian regina IKTR 🗣️
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those 1989 tv rumors… shut up i’m so scared rn
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carlyraejepsans · 5 months
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Technically speaking, he was a light sleeper.
Which was just hilarious for two different reasons. One, he topped at twenty pounds soaking wet—and that was after he'd reached for the towel. The joke basically wrote itself. The other reason was, of course, that nobody believed him. Honestly, he could kinda get it. It's pretty hard for irony to escape him, even on a bad day. The way he saw it, though, maybe he wouldn't take as many naps as he did, if he just managed to get one to stick.
...heh, nah. Probably not. Late to rise, early to bed, makes a man lazy or clinically dead, or however the saying went. Still.
The kid stiffened against his ribcage and that was all it took for his eyes to fly open.
The popcorn ceiling of the living room stared back at him through the darkness in all its tacky glory. Now that's another joke that writes itself. It wasn't a movie night at Tori's without some comment about her taste in decor. That always earned him a round of groans. Or a halfhearted pillow to the head. It was one of his favorite moodsetters.
His hand dangled in the air at his side. Not on the floor. Just a few months earlier, that alone would've told him he wasn't in his room, but oh boy, had things changed. He had a bedframe now, not to mention enough self respect for one. AND fitted sheets—that was a lifetime first. You had to be careful not to fall off, but all things considered, it was the fanciest bed he'd slept on since he'd tried using his worker bonus at MTT's. If he risked falling off the bed now, he'd risked never finding his way out then. Not to mention the guy in the other room calling for room service the entire night. He almost retired the midnight snacks bit on Undyne out of sympathy the next time she came over.
Almost.
The kid's head twitched.
Right. Popcorn. Living room. Springy mattress. He didn't need to smoke a pipe to realize he'd fallen asleep on the sofa. Didn't need a goofy hat either to see that someone must've thought he'd make a good pillow. Go figure. He'd gotten real good at making himself look softer under his clothes, but still, it wasn't exactly the kind of magic a guy could keep up with his eyes closed and a pillow behind his head. He just hoped they weren't too uncomfortable.
He must've dozed off sometime after Papyrus left the house and Toriel turned in for the night, 'cause nobody had stopped by to throw a blanket over him. Most nights that would've been fine. Nice thought aside, skeletons didn't really feel cold "to their bones", on account of lacking all the soft and fleshy stuff on top of 'em.
Yeah, well. Most nights. Most nights he didn't have a human kid sleeping on top of him, either.
Sans looked down. He resisted the urge to blow a strand of hair out of their face.
Most nights, skeletons didn't have hearts beating against their ribs.
Ba-dum—ba-dum—ba-dum.
He would've asked them if it felt any different, having it beat on the other side of their ribcage, if they hadn't already crawled their way inside his months before.
Heh. Not like they hadn't done the same with everyone else. Or ever asked for permission, the little freeloader. But he supposed that part came free with being monsters. The whole HOPE and compassion and everything nice kinda shtick. As a rule, they were, uh, very prone to attachment. It was hardwired into their SOULs or something. Of course, he knew better than anyone that compassion had its cost, and he'd ran low on HOPE for a long, long while, but...
There was a ray of light coming through the kitchen at night like he hadn't seen in an even longer time. The kind with a moon and stars hung at the other end of it.
Yeah. Maybe he could afford something nice for once.
Frisk stirred again. He kept as still as possible as they wriggled around, pushing themself off of him—trying, he assumed, not to shove their boney little knees somewhere unpleasant.
Then they flopped to their side and fell to the floor with a thud.
See, THAT'S the kinda issue you don't have when you have no self respect.
Slowly, the kid got to their feet again. They stood perfectly straight for a moment, then took an unsteady step forward. Then another.
To call it "walking" would've been an act of mercy. It was more of an ambling. Maybe a shambling. Sans watched their journey towards the kitchen mentally listing of adverbs. Stumbling. Fumbling. Trailing. That one didn't have a mbl in it, points for originality.
Mostly, he was ecstatic. Nothing made for fun breakfast stories quite like sleepwalking. And well, he hadn't had one of those since Papyrus turned fifteen and stopped sleeping entirely.
When the kid finally reached the fridge, they all but shoved their head inside it. He heard them do... something in there. There were definitely teeth involved. He was about to ask them to bring some goods back to homebase.
The door of the fridge clicked closed.
He didn't.
Then, he almost made a joke about forgetting their headlights on, but thought otherwise. He was glad he'd left his own off.
Besides, it was the taillights that were supposed to glow red.
Eyesockets dark and still pretending to sleep, he kept watch as the kid turned around and retraced their shambling steps to the living room like a miniature zombie.
Halfway to the sofa, they stopped, making a small sound like a grumbling of annoyance. For a second their eyes grew even more unfocused.
"Sleep," they rasped out in a low, halting whisper, "I saved you a crick in the neck."
It took him a second to register that the kid wasn't talking to him. Mostly 'cause Frisk didn't speak. To him. Or ever.
By the time they reached their starting point again, his excitement had died off into quiet confusion and quickly curdled into caution. They stopped at the edge of the sofa and fixed him with a stare, looking at where they'd been sleeping before. Sans waited.
"I am not doing that," they rasped to themself again.
Then they climbed onto the other end of the sofa and curled around themself as small as possible. So tightly it looked like they wanted to tuck their tiny body into a ball.
When they stopped moving, they didn't move again.
Sans didn't lift a finger. His brain whirred in his skull, ready to chalk up the past few minutes to the sleepwalking and forget they ever happened. Staring up at the popcorn ceiling again, though, he couldn't shake off a wave of uneasiness; like he'd seen something he wasn't quite supposed to put together.
Any man would've spent the night awake.
He cast a glance at the kid, huddled in their corner. There was no heartbeat against his ribs now: something about the silence felt foreboding.
Sans closed his eyes.
Ten minutes later, of course, he was out like a light.
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scoonsalicious · 24 days
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Unwanted: Chapter 13, Uncomfortable - Pt. 4
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader
Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.
Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, the last straw, arguing, violence, Sexually Explicit Content Minors: GTFO; I don’t serve your kind here (angry/rough PIV, fingering, degradation kink), memories of past CSA, self harm, Bucky really, really fucks up.
Word Count: 4k
Previously On...: Tony sent you a very expensive apology gift.
A/N: Ya’ll are getting this early! Just one thing to say:
I am so, so sorry.
Coincidentally, this is getting posted on the day I'll be coming home from NoLa, so I'll arrive just in time to hear you all say how much you now hate me. Yay. -_-
Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!
Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!
Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @jmeelee @cazellen @blackhawkfanatic @les-sel @marcswife21 @buckybarnessimpp @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @erelierraceala @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @jupiter-107 @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @sashaisready @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @doublejeon @pattiemac1
You weren’t sure how long you sat there, lost in the dark colors, the reflection of the moonlight over the water. The sound of the door opening broke through your thoughts, and you turned to see Bucky shuffle into the room. 
“Hey, sweets,” he said, toeing off his boots.
“Hey,” you said without emotion, turning your face back to  the painting.
“Whacha lookin’ at?” he asked, coming to sit next to you on the couch.
“Apology gift from Tony.”
“What’s he apologizing to you for?” God, you couldn’t even muster up the energy to be angry at him.
“Calling out your unhealthy obsession with Jade in front of the team,” you said, voice flat. 
“I do not have an unhealthy obsession with Vix,” Bucky said, annoyance coloring his words. “How many times do I have to tell you there’s nothing going on between the two of us before you start believing me.” 
“Maybe you should stop telling me there’s nothing and start actually acting like there’s nothing,” you said as you stood up. “Because honestly, I’m tired of hearing your empty words.” You began to walk away, but Bucky reached out and grabbed your arm.
“They aren’t empty, Pocket!” he said. His voice wasn’t loud, but it filled the room as if he’d shouted. “It fucking hurts like hell to hear you say that.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” You couldn’t help the sarcasm that oozed from your voice now. “Your feelings are hurt now, so that changes everything. Let me put aside the pain I’ve been dealing with for months to reassure you.” You yanked your hand free from his grasp. “I’m exhausted, Bucky. Nothing is getting better. In fact, things are getting worse, and I keep pretending that I can be okay with things, but you just keep picking her over me, time and time again. I don’t deserve that. Not from someone who’s supposed to love me.”
“Pick her over you? That’s fucking bullshit and you know it,” he said, voice rising.
“Is it?” you asked him. You pointed to the corner where your overnight bags sat waiting for a trip you’d never take. “Is that bullshit, Bucky? Cause we were supposed to be in the Catskills right now, but because that fucking cunt came crying for you, you went running to her and left me sitting here, alone and forgotten. Again.”
“Pocket,” Bucky ran a hand over the back of his neck, a sure sign you were ruffling him. “She needed someone to support her. She’s not like you– she doesn’t–”
“Oh, shut the fuck up, Barnes!” you interrupted, shouting now. “I’m trying to tell you that I’m breaking up with you because of her and you still just stand there and defend her!”
Bucky’s face paled and his eyes went wide. “No,” he said, his voice barely audible.
“What?” You weren’t sure you heard him.
“I said ‘no,’” he said, his voice louder, but still soft. “You're not breakin' up with me. Doll, please. I need you. You said you were gonna fight for us, fight for me. That’s what you said!”
“I’m so tired of fighting for you when you’re off fighting for her! I can’t do this anymore, Bucky,” you practically sobbed. “You are fucking destroying me and feel like you just. don’t. care. I can’t just sit here and let it keep happening. You say you need me, but you’ve made it clear time and time again that you don’t give a shit about what I need. Every time I’ve asked you to put a boundary between you and Carthage, you’ve stomped right over it. And I can’t keep living like this. Yesterday was supposed to be a celebration of one of the greatest accomplishments of my career, and she ruined it.”
“It wasn’t her fault she got bad intel!” Bucky shouted.
“Could you just FUCKING STOP?!” you screamed. “Stop defending her! She either royally fucked up or she set them up on purpose! Those are the only two options! Either way, the entire thing was her fault. Rhodey is unconscious– almost died– because of her! She’s got you so wrapped around her fucking finger that you can’t even see it, and I am SO. GOD. DAMNED. OVER. IT! You promised me you’d make it up to me,” you continued shouting at him. “You fucking promised! But as soon as she bats her lashes, your promises don’t mean shit! You keep making excuses, you keep saying you’re sorry, but you keep doing the same fucking thing over and over again, and the only thing your actions are promising is that she means more to you than I do!”
“That’s not true!” he shouted back at you. “You mean more to me than anything!”
“I don’t fucking believe you!” you screamed, your voice going hoarse.
“I’ll fucking prove it to you!” He grabbed your elbows and pulled you to him, kissing you with such force it would have knocked you over if he hadn’t been holding you up. The moment he broke the kiss for air, you slapped him across the face. Only to immediately kiss him again.
Within seconds, you were ripping at each other’s clothes, desperate to feel one another, skin to skin, your tongues battling against each other as though whomever could dominate the kiss could win your fight. Bucky literally tore your shirt in half before you pushed him down onto your bed. Crawling on top of him, you scratched your nails down his chest, hard enough to draw blood.
Bucky hissed into your mouth, reaching down to yank off his pants and boxer briefs. You hastily pulled them down and off his legs before climbing back up to his mouth. Your kisses were passionate, angry and feral, each of you trying to prove a point to the other. 
You felt both of Bucky’s hands grasp the waistband of your jeans and rip them open, sending the button and zipper teeth flying. “Those were my favorite fucking jeans,” you warned.
“I’ll buy you another pair,” he growled, shoving a hand into your panties and finding your clit. You arched your back as he pinched and rolled it between his fingers, the aggression in his movements igniting your blood. You gasped as he shoved two fingers into you while simultaneously flipping you so you were now on your back and he loomed above you.
He pulled his hand from you, leaving you aching and empty. He kissed you as he divested you of what was left of your jeans and your panties. “Taste yourself,” he said, shoving his fingers into your mouth. You sucked on them, savoring the tang of your essence on his skin. Bucky groaned at the sight before pulling his fingers out and kissing you again. 
“You’re mine,” he growled, grabbing at your breasts and roughly kneading the flesh. “Look at me, Pocket. You’re mine.” You turned your head away, not wanting to meet his eyes, but Bucky would have none of it. Gripping your chin tight enough to leave a bruise, he yanked your head back so you were looking him in the eye. “I said, you’re mine.” He entered you then, the force of it nearly splitting you in half. “You’re mine and I’m fucking yours. Forever.”
He pounded into you as if his very life depended on it, and you clutched at his shoulders for dear life. “God, yes, Bucky,” you cried, all your resolve finally leaving you as the pleasure rose within you. “I’m yours, and you’re mine. Only mine. Only fucking mine!”
With a roar, Bucky picked up one of your legs and draped it over his shoulder, the new angle allowing him to hit you deeper as he drove into you. His thrusts were punishing, as though he were trying to see just how deep he could get himself inside of you before you actually broke in two.
"You like that?" he murmured as he rutted his hips into you.
"Fuck, yes, please, Bucky-- just like that," you moaned. He had you close. So, so close. "Keep going."
"Yeah, I thought so, you dirty slut," he grunted.
"What?" you asked, pulling your head back into the pillow so you could stare at him, wide-eyed as he continued to pound relentlessly into you. His words had taken you aback-- this was not something your loving boyfriend had ever said to you before. You dropped one leg from around his waist and tried to pull the other from his shoulder.
"Knew you loved taking my cock. God, you're such a filthy whore for me."
"Bucky, stop." You pushed gently against his chest, but he was already so far gone to his lust that he didn't seem to hear you.
"Such a good fucktoy for me," he grunted, his pace quickening as he neared his release. You felt your breath coming hard and fast now, but not from your impending climax, which had died with his words, but from an oncoming anxiety attack. “You goin’ dumb on me already, like a good little cockslut?”
Flashes of your miserable childhood flickered through your head, the way Darren would call you his "good little money-making whore" after you'd been raped by yet another of his clients, or when he decided to violate you himself, calling you his own personal slut, his special fuck toy.
"Bucky," you shouted, punching him with your fists, desperate now to get him off you, out of you. "Stop! Get off of me! GET OFF OF ME!" You screamed, thrashing at him. You saw the moment your words registered-- his eyes lost their haze of lust and his hips stopped pumping into you.
"Doll?" he asked, looking down on you in confusion. "What's wr--"
"Get off me, get off me, get off me!" you shrieked as you rolled out from under him, your entire body suddenly on fire with shame and disgust. The second your feet hit your bedroom floor, you were reaching for your silk robe, wrapping yourself in it as though the thin fabric could protect you from his words. From him.
"Pocket," Bucky watched your movements, his eyes betraying his bewilderment at your actions. "What's going on? What did I do?"
"Why would you call me that?" you asked, your words coming out in between your desperate gasps for air. "Why would you say those things?"
Bucky sat up, reaching for you, but you moved away from him. "Baby, what things? What did I s--" Realization dawned on him then, and his entire face fell. "Shit. Oh, God. Oh, Pocket. Sweetheart, I am so sorry. I didn't think--"
"Why would you say that, Bucky?" you asked, fighting back the tears that so desperately wanted to break free. "You've never called me a-a-..." you couldn't even get the word out. "How could you do that?"
"Fuck, Baby..." Bucky began, running his hands through his hair in response to your distress, "I never... I thought you'd like it. I should have realized, after Darren..."
"Don't say his name!" You hadn't meant to shout at him, but you were damned if you were going to invite the ghost of your tormentor into the sanctuary of your room. "Please," you cried, "don't say his name."
Bucky got up and tried to wrap his arms around you, but you pulled away, feeling too vile, too dirty, to even let him touch you.
"Sweetheart, please," he began, reaching for you again, "you're shaking. Let me hold you." You shook your head as you moved away from him yet again, trying to steady yourself.
"Where did that even come from, Bucky? Why would you think... What would even make you think that was something I would want?"
Bucky's hand went to rub the back of his neck as he looked up at you from behind his lashes. "I... I heard girls... like that sort of thing. That it turns them on."
"You can't just start it out of nowhere," you cried, "It's something you need to agree on first! You can't just say it without making sure your partner's okay with it! And I can't believe you'd ever think I would be okay with it! God, who even told you that?" You couldn't imagine any of Bucky's friends saying something like that to him; hell, Steve would have a coronary before even suggesting it. Did he read about it in some degrading kink group online?
"I was talking to Vix, and she said--"
"You what?" you spun to face him, your words sharp in your shock.
"Vixen. Jade. I was talking to her during training one time and she said girls like it when guys talk to them like that during sex. Well, she said she likes it. Said it, uh, turns her on."
Your entire body froze as if you'd been doused with ice water. "You were talking to Jade Carthage about sex and what gets her off." Your voice was hard and clipped. It wasn't even a question, just a statement that made your stomach twist, but you had to make sure you had understood him correctly.
"Well, when you say it like that, it sounds bad," Bucky hemmed, "but sweets, I swear, it wasn't like that."
You called for FRIDAY to turn up the lights, no longer wanting to be trapped in the intimacy of the semi-darkness with him.
"It wasn't like that? Then please enlighten me, Bucky, what was it like? Jesus, how did you two even stumble into that conversation in the first place?"
"Baby," Bucky looked frantic as he grabbed his boxer briefs from the floor and tugged them back on, "I don't even remember how we got on the subject. We were sparring and I pinned her and--"
"You had a conversation about sex while you were lying on fucking top of her?" You could barely contain your rage; you were seething, about to vibrate out of your skin with revulsion.
"Honey, it's not that big of a deal, really."
"Not that big of a deal?" you asked, knowing you were about to tread into some very dangerous territory, but needing him to understand you. "So, it wouldn't be that big of a deal if I let Steve get on top of me and had him tell me what gets him hard? What makes him come?"
Bucky's jaw tightened immediately at the mention of Steve. "Don't," he growled. "Do not bring him into this. It's completely different."
"It's not, Bucky! It's a thousand times worse! God," you threw your arms above your head as you began to pace in front of your bed. "I can't tell if you're actually this naive or if you think I'm fucking stupid."
"I don't think you're stupid, Pocket," Bucky's voice was quieter now, more restrained. "I... God, I just messed up. I'm an idiot. I didn't think it through and..." He trailed off and slumped onto the edge of the bed, his hands pushed into his hair as he stared down at the floor.
You could see his muscles craving to pull you back into his arms, but he resisted. His eyes flickered to you before darting away again, like looking at you caused him physical pain.
"Do you want to sleep with her? Were you imagining her while you were fucking me?" It was a reckless question to ask--a question that you didn’t want the answer to--but it slipped out before you could stop it.
Bucky's head whipped up, his eyes wide with shock as he stared at you. "What? No!" He stood abruptly, hands outstretched towards you. "Baby, no! God, no! I would never... I can't even believe you'd think... Don't even talk like that."
"But you took her kinks, her turn ons, and you brought them into our bed. You spoke words you knew another woman-- a woman you know I fucking loathe-- wanted to hear, you... you used them on me, knowing my history, and you didn't give a shit about what saying them might do to me!" Your voice was trembling with accusation, your body shaking with tremors of hurt and betrayal.
"No! No, sweetheart... it wasn't like that." He kept repeating himself, his words rushed, his face pale with shock and regret. "I didn't mean to disrespect you like that. I heard her say it and I thought... I mean, she's a woman too, right? So, if she liked it, I thought maybe you..." He trailed off, his expression one of sheer desperation as he tried to find the right words.
"But I'm not her. It wasn’t about pleasing me; it was about using what pleases her." You shook your head harshly, a lump forming in your throat. "You don't even see how wrong that is. And you shouldn't even have been having the conversation with her in the fucking first place!"
"What can I do?" Bucky pleaded, his voice a strained whisper as he raked his fingers through his hair again. His face was etched with pain, regret seeping from every pore of him. "How can I fix this? Tell me how to make it right."
But you were too overcome by anger and heartbreak to think straight. You moved further away from him, wrapping your arms around yourself as if you were trying to shield your heart from further damage.
“What did you tell her?” you asked, but Bucky looked at you with confusion etched across his face. “You said it was a conversation. I’m assuming she didn’t do all the talking. What did you talk about? Did you tell her what gets you off? What you like? Were you sharing intimate details about our sex life with a complete outsider? Did you tell her about your ‘sergeant’ kink?”
He didn’t need to speak for you to read the truth in the expression on his face.
The silence hung in the room, heavy and oppressive, as Bucky fought for words. A nerve twitched in his jaw, the only movement in his otherwise frozen face. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, he finally spoke.
"I... Yes, I did," he admitted, his voice a mere whisper. "I didn't think it through. I didn't mean to... I just..."
His voice trailed off again and he sunk back onto the bed, looking completely defeated. His hands covered his face as if he were desperate to hide himself from your accusing gaze.
“Get out.” You couldn’t even stand to look at him. This was a betrayal beyond anything you’d ever have expected from him. 
Bucky’s head snapped up at your words, his eyes wide with shock. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He just sat there on the edge of the bed, staring at you as though he was seeing you for the first time.
"Get out," you repeated, each word a dagger. "I can't... I can't stand to even look at you right now."
Still, Bucky didn’t move. He just sat there in stunned silence, his face pale and his eyes filled with regret.
"I said get out!" Your voice was shrill, filling the room with a chilling echo that seemed to reverberate through every fiber of your being.
Bucky flinched at your tone, and finally roused himself to his feet. He looked at you one last time, his steel-blue eyes so full of pain that it made your heart ache despite everything. For a moment, it seemed like he might say something else, like he might try to explain, but you’d had enough of his ‘explanations’ for the evening. Hell, maybe for the rest of your life.
Bucky swallowed hard, his eyes filling with a mixture of fear and dread as he nodded slowly. "Okay... yeah," he stammered. "I'll give you some space."
“No. I can’t do this anymore. I’m done, Bucky. This… this is unforgivable. We’re finished.”
"Doll," he breathed, the pet name he had given you sounding like a prayer on his lips, but a curse to your ears. "I love you... I'm sorry. I messed up, I know. But I love you."
“I don’t believe you.” You felt like your heart was being ripped apart as you watched him standing there, consumed by remorse. You had never seen him like this before, his usual charismatic confidence replaced with fearful uncertainty.
“Just go,” you whispered, turning away so you wouldn't have to see the pain in his eyes. You felt a sob rising in your throat, but you held it back, refusing to let it out while he was still there.
With every inch of him screaming resistance, Bucky walked over to the door and hesitated at the threshold. "I'll... I'll do anything to make this right, sweetheart," he promised, his voice choked with emotion. "I'll fix this... We can fix this."
But you remained silent, your back still turned to him as you tried desperately to keep your tears at bay. The sound of the door opening and closing behind him was deafening in its finality.
You wrapped your arms around yourself tighter, suddenly feeling cold. The room was suddenly too big, too empty without Bucky's reassuring presence. You sunk onto the bed, burying your head in your hands as the events of the night washed over you with overwhelming force as you began to sob in earnest.
You weren't even sure what you were angriest about. He’d broken yet another promise and left you waiting, your romantic getaway forgotten so he could be by her side. He'd called you a slut and a whore. He’d discussed your sex life with Jade-- the one woman you hated above all others, and openly discussed her kinks with her, and his own desires in return. He'd forced her kinks on you without your consent.
And then there was the worst part of it all, the bit that made you feel sick and hollow: he'd failed to see what he'd done wrong.
You had thought Bucky knew you better, that he respected you more than this. You'd shared secrets and fears with him, things you'd never shared with anyone else, not even Tony. He knew your past, knew how much trust meant to you - knew how difficult it had been for you to open your vulnerabilities up to something more than just casual sex - and yet he'd violated that trust in such a profound way.
This was just beyond anything else that had come before it. You couldn’t see a way to move forward after this.
Numbly, you began to strip off the sheets from the bed, your hands shaking as you balled them up and threw them into a corner of the room. You couldn't sleep on them now, nor ever again. You couldn't bear the thought of lying down where he'd... where he'd...
Tears started to spill down your cheeks as the reality of what had happened set in. You tried to blink them away, tried to swallow down the lump in your throat. But it was too late. Tears blinded you as you moved through your space on muscle memory alone, grabbing a garbage bag from under the sink in the kitchenette and shoving the offending sheets into it to dispose of later. Boiling them in chlorine wouldn't be able to relieve them of the taint they now carried.
Once the offending sheets were securely bagged and out of sight, you stumbled your way into the bathroom. Turning the shower on as hot as it would go, you stripped from your robe and stepped under the scalding stream from the waterfall shower head.
Hissing as the water hit your body, you let yourself succumb to your emotions. You reached for your loofah and began scrubbing at your skin, doing everything in your power to wash away the intense feeling of shame that had permeated deep under your dermis. You scrubbed until your skin was red, until it was raw and cracked and bleeding, but it offered you no relief.
The sensations were familiar, the burning heat, the stinging of newly torn flesh. It had been so long since you had felt the need to ritually cleanse yourself like this, you had desperately hoped you'd finally found yourself beyond the need to do so, but just a few words from Bucky's mouth had sent you reeling backwards, back to being that worthless, vile, used up girl that no number of college degrees, fancy company titles, or board-approved computer programs could fully erase. It was in your DNA, and you couldn't escape it. You scrubbed and scrubbed until time had lost meaning.
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selvepnea · 3 months
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A strange shirt sort of dream?
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genderjester · 3 days
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Like its just when someone has made their point to me for the third time and i cannot get a word in and my brain wants to move the convo forward so fucking badly. PLEASE its so. Hellll
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