#self affirming myself but it doesn't go a long way does it?

[jayswritings13]

Total Drama: Mike and Mal Relationship Headcanons

Request: "Can I request dating headcanons for Mike and Mal from Total Drama?"

💗Masterlist | WIP Page

Mike

Very nervous

At first, you thought that it was just because he liked you and such.

You really didn't know too much about Dissociative Identity Disorder to suspect that.

Well, until Mike came out and told you himself.

"....So I take it that you're going to want nothing to do with me now?" Mike glanced away, bracing himself up for you're affirmation of his worst fears.

That he was someone not worth knowing.

That he was strange.

That he was c-

"What?! Of course not!" You said, "You mean a lot to me and a mental illness cannot change that. I want you to know that you have my full support." You paused, smirking a bit at him, "I'm an okay listener."

That was all he wanted: acceptance.

WORDS OF AFFIRATION

Mike is often very self deprecating and negative about himself, so hearing positive affirmations melts his heart and catches his attention like nothing else.

Pet names and nicknames are not so much Mikes thing

That, however, does not stop you.

"Babe, hand me that pencil."

"If Scott wants to fuck with you, then I have to fuck with him, hun. I don't make the rules!"

"You got this, sweetheart."

Mike likes to return the favor through acts of service.

Need help with putting together something? He may not be good at it, but he'll be there.

Sick with the flu? Already picking up cold medicine, soup, and movies to watch/fall asleep too.

Have to clean out your car? He's already done it and made sure to get it washed too.

"How are you so nice?" You laughed, grabbing another handful of popcorn out of the bowl you to shared.

"I don't know. Maybe you're just lucky." He grinned.

"I already knew that, hun. You smiled, "I consider myself very lucky."

"I am too."

Mal

Not to much surprise, he wasn't too shy or nervous about confessing feelings for you in the ways that you expect.

He is actually rather blunt about his thoughts and feelings

Which can lead to fights and arguments

"C'mon, how long are you going to freeze me out?" Mal groaned, rolling his eyes. "I was just honest."

"You called the dinner that I made shitty. I spent all day on that!"

"And I gave you an honest critique for next time. You're welcome!"

Don't expect any romantic or mushy stuff from him.

He is not only horrible at that type of stuff, but he's not interested in any of it.

Flowers? Please that shit turns to weeds faster than it took to grow them.

Cooking a romantic dinner? He can't cook anything that great, but if you want cereal, go for it.

Surprise trips? Hard to plan for trips with his unique situation between him and Mike.

However, this doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you.

He just shows it differently.

Mostly though quality time.

Mal makes sure that you know that he cares for you, but doesn't feel the need to say so excessively.

He mostly likes to spend time around you, even if not doing anything in particular.

And with him being introverted and isolating himself often, that is a huge compliment tbh.

On the other hand, he loves when you shower him with praise or any other words of affirmation.

No pet names though.

He absolutely hates them.

Which means that you love to use it to annoy him.

He knows what you're doing, but he falls for it everytime.

"Sweetie? Can you hand me that?"

"I hate you." Mal stated, handing you your phone.

"Ha! Yeah, okay." You laughed. "Totally believable."

#total drama #jayswritings #total drama headcanons #total drama x reader #total drama mal #total drama mike #td mal #td mike #td x reader

[reggies-eyeliner]

THE CLASSIC MATCHUP - for @missmorosis!

-> THE "you were my new dream" COUPLE

#now playing ... "invisible string" by taylor swift

(saw it was you and said SOKKA'S GF????

u are so sokka gf coded

i cannot stress this enough bro u . i can't see you with anyone else except sokka it's my curse

you guys have been dating for how long now?? four years irght yes)

THERE IS LAUGHTER LIKE YOU GUYS ARE 6-years-old again at a sleepover when you're supposed to be asleep every😭single😭night😭💗💗and oh man genuinely this man is your number-one go-to guy for a good belly laugh before you go to bed. if you're traveling with them to go from one place to another, everyone else in the gaang places their bets on you and sokka laughing about the same joke until the sun rises, so you two are both always rubbing sleep out of your eyes once you actually have to go out and Do Responsible Stuff.

the way this man looks at you while you and the gaang are riding on appa is genuinely so criminal. he has this pathetically in love smile on your face because 1) pretty girl, and 2) pretty girl with nice personality that 3) tells him nice things all of the time and 3) gives him he best hugs that he could ever ask for (he does not ask for hugs so he always leans in for an extra second thinking that you won't notice😭<33)

and OH MAN your love language is words of affirmation and acts of service?? this man is THE NUMBER ONE GUY EVER to be the act of service. he used to only keep one extra hair tie around his wrist for himself, but now he keeps up to five at times, in all sorts of colors, and hands you one when it looks like the wind is in your hair AJSJCHSHAHJ AND AND OH MAN whenever you seem to be slightly quieter than usual in a public, crowded space, he'll slowly bring you to a quiter place so you can recharge your social battery. he doesn't make it a huge grand gesture all of the time, but he wants it to be enough that you know someone out there cares, but not so much that you waste more energy worrying that you're a burden (SPOILER ALERT YOu'RE NOT ILYSM)

sokka absolutely melts when he sees you get excited about your passions. he does not speak korean but he will learn for you. he will sing songs by txt and say "this one's a banger, check this out," and start singing his heart out AND he will learn the choreo for it too (and it'll be at the randomest times 😭like 7am in the morning while you're rubbing sleep out of your eyes and he just starts it's so funny he loves yous o bad)

the king of giving random compliments throughout the day ever. will tell you that he loves your smile and loves your smile lines and loves your nose and loves your hair and how you talk and how you say certain words and how you text and how

AND!! best part this man will never ever ever make you sit on the inside of the booths and will know so fast and immediately sit there first AUUAUSGCH and also if you ever do self isolate he'll be the first to know,, he's done it himself obviously, but he's learned that shouldering things alone isn't what people were made for. he'll come sit by next to you if you need it or just slide down the wall beside you and sit with you at his side. no prying, no demands, no "making it about myself," he will just sit and breathe and listen to you. he'll also try to cheer you up by getting you take out or boba BWHJABHC and if all else fails he'll hold you and tell you sweet nothings UAUAAUGGAGAGHSHCGH WAILING VIOLENTLY

this is so random but if you guys are like. at a really nice cafe i am so serious rn THIS MAN WILL CUT YOUR BREAD FOR YOU cut the corners of your toast if you don't like the crust and keep an eye on your teabag and put it out if it seems like it's been steeping for too long

RANDOMIZED TROPE:

"domestic fluff"

-> waking up at six in the morning to head out for the day not to go to school or work but because he wanted to see the sunrise with you, his hands will definitely card through your hair and AUGH THIS GUY WILL hold you and carry you out the door because he's just . he is like that . he will be an absolute puddle on the floor of you help him with his hair too because he's very specific on who touches his hair ("i was having a GOOD HAIR DAY, KATARA.") and will make you a good breakfast (and will totally search up recipes for well-known meals in korea because he's doing his best AUGH) and will draw you tiny illustrations of you guys and sneak them in your bag. when you come back from school or work he'll come back with fried chicken or boba or maybe a combination of both and turn on a movie, but if you need to study he'll calmly be there beside you to help you out HJAJSHCB <333

a/n BRO I AM SO SORRY I HAVEn'T FINISHED YOURS AND ITS BEEN ALMOST LIKE 10 MONTHS HOLY i am so so sorry but when i tell u i was grinning like an idiot while making this because augh you and sokka are genuinely the sweetest couple and you guys make me want to throw up in not a bad way like . holy moly why are you guys The Couple ever stop doing that WJABCJHAC okay but genuinely i hope life has been treating you well!!! and that things have been going okay for you AJSJJHAJA if you ever need anything let me know and remember that i love you so so much (i am not just saying this genuinely you are a gift and blessing to this planet there are so many people who love you please take care of yourself love you deserve it) PLEASE REMEMBEr to drink water and sleep well!! sending hugs and kisses mwah mwah!!

#ellie's.matchups<3! #why are you so i love you morosis #oh my gdsosajchhcb #sokka x reader #atla matchup #sokka headcanons #avatar the last airbender #atla sokka #atla #atla headcanons #KISSES YOUr WAY AJAJAJCHb!!! #matchups #sending you all the fluffy blankets rn #okay maybe in the winter bc rn. it is very hot !! BUT WAHJSCSH ILY

[vickiewinter111]

how to manifest quick guide

+ success story

hi guys, my name is flora ! i've been in the manifesting community for a bit more than year and in this blog i'm going to share with you how i personally manifested my dream life and how you can do it to !

⚠️ if this doesn't work for you and something else does, then it's absolutely fine ! just bcs we don't manifest the same way doesn't mean one of us is 'wrong'... as long as it works !

HOW TO MANIFEST

1.Self Concept

For me, the most important thing is to have a good self concept. I have personally never manifested ANYTHING without having a good self concept. I had my sp having a crush on me for 2 years and I only knew it when my self concept was right and I knew my value.

It may not seem fair, but you can't attract anything if you don't love/respect yourself. And yes, it's hard to do so when you hate everything about your life, your body, your relationships, your financial situation etc but nobody's going to help you unless you step up for yourself.

First key to manifesting is knowing your worth !

2.Deciding you already have what you want

You don't have to overcomplicate it. It can be as simple as : healthy relationship with my sp, new clothes, bigger lips.

Once you know what you want, decide that it's already yours. It can be a bit hard to do it at first because you're going to think that you're delusional. But when you think you're delusional, remember who tf you are?! you can get whatever it is that you want and it's not a mirror or numbers on a screen that are going to tell you otherwise.

Look around you and see how the world is abundant. And how many people have what it is that you want, the relationship, the clothes, the lips. All you have to do is choose it.

3.Make the process fun

Manifesting shouldn't feel like a chore. You can do whatever makes you feel good, like turn it into a game maybe ! Create playlists that match the mood of what you want, draw something, visualize if you like it, write a journal...

Things I personnaly like are :

playlists

when there's a storm everytime there's a ⚡ i tell myself it's manifesting

pretending that my desires are in a 'package' that the universe is going to deliver to my door

rampage abt how happy i am to have my desire

4.Live the present

You are going to enjoy your manifestation in the present moment. So there's no point in living in the past. Your past doesn't need you. Do the healing you need to do and never repress your emotions, but don't let yourself spiral or get stuck because it is not serving you and simply not going to help no matter how stressful the situation may be.

DON'T FOCUS ON TIME for the love of god ! Just keep going with your life and don't overcomplicate the process. Treat yourself like a baby and do everything you like. Never force yourself to do something just to please someone. Enjoy your life !! Everything is going to be okay

SUCCESS STORY

Physical appearance (SP + dream life later)

I used to look like this. I know I was not ugly but this was not the appearance I wanted and I was actually getting bullied at this time so my opinion of myself was really low. I felt lonely all the time, I had almost only one close friend, and my love life was basically desastrous.

(i look 11 but i kept looking like this until last year lol i am 16 now)

Listen, I never affirmed. I never did guided mediations, or sport, or affirmations, or visualization, or SATS, or anything. Physical appearance was my first successfull manifestation and I wasn't even aware that manifestation was a thing back then.

But one day I realized I was really fed up and I told myself 'no but i am smart and pretty and everything why would ppl keep bullying me like tf. also why wouldn't i attract the guys i like have you seen me ?' and it's a bit weird but somehow i was immediately convinced of what i was saying.

Now my body/face look like this and when i tell you i pull up anyone i want its true. When i go out litteraly all men break their necks to try to see me again and i get asked for my insta/snap like 15 times at least whenever i go out. SO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF PLS ITS REALLY NOT THAT HARD I PROMISE !

I will post the sp + dream life success story in another post since this one is already longer than the bible alzjzkaoal.

Love &lt;3

#manifestation #successtory #nevile goddard #affirmations #law of assumption #law of attraction #law of the universe #mindset #mental diet #manifesting #spiritualgrowth #spiritualknowledge onnavratri #spirituality

[mysticbewitched]

Hi mystic,

So I really want to shift to my desired reality and I know all i have to do is have confidence in my power as a creator and fulfill myself within, but its like the state of the wish fulfilled comes and goes for me. I'll feel really confident and fulfilled one moment, but then it goes away. I feel like I can only stay in the wish fulfilled for so long, until it eventually wears off and i'm right back in lack. I just want to snap my fingers and instantly be in my dr, why is this so hard? why do i have to wait and persist in the wish fulfilled day after day after day? I can't stand my current reality any longer, it feels like a nightmare I am trying so desperately hard to wake up from. I've written a list of everything I want, and i've given a deadline to receive them twice, and both times it didn't happen. And every night before bed i intend to wake up in my desired reality, and I know that if i really had 100% faith in my intentions, then it would work. But its hard to believe that it will actually work when every single time it never does.

You came to the right person for this ask because I understand completely what you're feeling and going through right now.

Now I'm not going to give you some vague and unhelpful advice such as "affirm and persist" without any further depth because that doesn't ever help anyone at all when you're already doubting yourself and in a terrible state of mind. I know exactly what you're going through and the extreme amount of frustration you are feeling. Your primary focus should *not* be changing your thoughts, but changing your state of mind. You must prioritize changing your mindset.

So before I dive deep into things, I want to explain something important here: it's very difficult to consciously change your mentality just like a light switch and persist in the new mindset when we have been conditioned all our lives by society to feel helpless and powerless in our circumstances.

This is why I cannot stress enough the absolute *importance* of creating your own subliminal to target the source of all struggles surrounding conscious manifestation: your state of mindset.

My advice below for you are the exact same steps I have personally taken to change my mindset and build my own self-belief. -

Check out my guide here for creating your own subliminals.

The reason why you struggle so much to truly believe that what you want is already fulfilled and a done deal is simply because you don't truly believe you are the creator of your reality. If you truly and wholeheartedly believed that you are the operant power: you would never doubt yourself, you would never struggle, you would no longer feel frustrated, your manifestations would come true much faster, and you would be able to easily persist in the state of the wish fulfilled.

Mindset subliminals work incredible wonders, most especially when you create your very own. Listening to a mindset subliminal *consistently* and daily will completely revamp your mindset. When you change your mindset, your whole entire world, which is dictated entirely by the state of your mind, is only bound to change.

Note: It is recommended for subliminal users to listen to the subliminal for 3-6 months for full and permanent results. (Unless, of course, you hold a different belief for when you receive complete and permanent results. You are the creator.)

You can get results instantly. It can take a couple of weeks, or it can take a few months or more. It all depends on your personal beliefs surrounding subliminals because you are the sole creator. You want your subliminal to hold affirmations regarding: self-belief, self-trust, self-confidence, believing you are the creator of your reality, confidence in your own power/your abilities, etc.

Subliminals are the easiest and most effortless way of changing your mindset and cultivating more self-belief and trust in your own power with little to no effort once the subliminal has been created. All you have to do is be consistent and listen daily, and I suggest having it play during watching movies or shows, so you can easily get several hours in of listening to your subliminal. You will be able to easily believe in yourself, your own power, and have confidence in your manifestations after you completely change your mindset and build the belief of truly being the only creator of your own reality. I promise you, your whole mindset will turn a complete 180, and you will be astonished at how confident and powerful you feel as a creator. This is what changed the game for me, and I know it will work absolute magic for you.

Moving forward, manifestation is not about seeing results in the outer world. You guys are approaching this entire thing completely backward and not understanding how manifestation truly works. Manifestation is all about having faith in the unseen with the confident awareness of your own infinite power. Why would you want to throw a fit and get pissed about the outside world showing you the opposite of your desires when you are the creator? It doesn't matter what the outer world is showing you. You are the one who holds all the power. You are the only creator of your own reality.

You must understand that the outer world doesn't matter. It is only a reflection of your inner state of mind. When you understand and truly realize you are the master of your own reality, you know it's all about satisfying and fulfilling the desire within and knowing it is done because you are aware that you are the creator. You are using your awareness of recognizing your own power and remaining confident in your abilities to manifest your desires. Forget about the appearances of the outer world. It's all about believing in yourself and trusting in your power, no matter what.

Why are you "desperately trying" to achieve a desire that is already fulfilled and done for you? You are the creator of your reality and you just have to accept your own power. Creators don't have to try anything, they just have to know they have what they want and it's already done. They can rest in confidence and calm security knowing they have already achieved their desires, no matter what. It is done.

You must step up and take accountability. Recognize your power and put an end to the victim mentality. Embrace who you truly are and realize you are an infinite creator with limitless power underneath your human skin. It will only free you and empower you to believe in yourself and your own power.

Realize you are more than powerful and absolutely capable of manifesting your desires or shifting to any reality you could ever desire.

The outside circumstances do not matter, and things are only bound to change in your favor since you are the operant power. Believe in your own power as the creator. That's *the only belief* you must hold onto with all your might and passionately believe in with all your heart. You are the creator of your reality.

When it comes down to manifesting your desires, all you have to do is just persist in the confident mindset of knowing your desires are already fulfilled. Feel your power from within and know you have already attained what you desire most. This part comes easily when you truly believe that you are the sole creator of your own reality and you will no longer care about the outside.

You should never worry about any circumstances on the outside because you are the powerful master and the outer world of shadows will only bow down to your commands as creator. Have faith in your power and embrace knowing who you truly are.

Take my advice about the subliminals and you will never worry about the outside again. It will change the game for you.

Recognize your own power, love. Trust in yourself.

#loassumption #law of assumption #manifestation #manifesting #law of manifestation

[greaterspawnislands]

98

Colored Engine - Joel Schoch (from Far: Lone Sails)

(this song is an instrumental, but has a very good rhythm to it that, to me, calls to mind the image of someone working steadily on a project)

Days like these were good days. The kind of day where Phil can slip right into his work, no distractions, no crow shouting at him to go check on the turtles or visit Tommy. All of them are chilling, perching in the treetops and chattering to themselves, allowing Phil to continue on with his work.

And he does. He isn't very used to making intricate mechanical things such as these, he hasn't since creating Brian all those centuries ago. Work like this requires a lot of fiddling with copper wires and coating his fingers in redstone dust. But the end result will be worth it, if he can just get the engine to function.

The blueprints had come from Techno, the materials gathered by Ranboo. Both of them had offered to make it for Phil, but Phil knows this was something that he needs to do himself.

The copper plates are all hammered out, each metal feather attached to the wire frame that would soon sit on his back. The copper is meant to be sturdy enough to sustain him, but light enough to get him off the ground.

And if the wings won't do the trick alone, the engine will take care of the rest.

If it works right.

Phil hisses as he sat up, one too many joints in his neck creaking and aching painfully at the movement. He doesn't know how long he's been stood over the workbench in this bitter cold, but it's been long enough that his fingers are nearly too numb to hold onto the tools.

Brian is chattering in his ear, and Phil suddenly realizes that he hasn't heard a word the mechanical crow had been saying for who knows how long.

When he stands up fully, the crows at his feet scatter with the sudden movements, letting go of his cloak that they had been trying to pull on to get his attention. All of them skitter back, looking at Phil with a pitiful expression that Phil would usually scoff at, if he had the energy to.

He knows what they're asking of him, even if his head still feels too far underwater to hear Brian correctly. They're telling him to go inside, to not overwork himself, to leave this project for another day.

And if Phil was a younger man, he'd scoff here, too. A little cold wouldn't kill him, it hadn't in the Empire, surely it won't now.

But his hands are numb, and his neck hurts dreadfully. His wings, particularly the damaged, near-skeletal one, aches with a dull throb that Phil knows from experience he can't ignore for much longer.

So, though it takes concerted effort on his part to push past his pride, Phil manages a self-conscious chuckle and a lighthearted swat toward the next crow who tries to land on his hat. "Alright, alright. You lot win. We'll go inside for tonight. Pick this shit back up tomorrow."

Out of all the sounds crows can imitate, a cheer is one of their clearer noises. It makes Phil laugh all over again, drawing a familiar, shivering crow into his hands as he limps his way over to the steps. "Not trying to overwork myself on purpose," he mutters to his crows. "Not trying to fuck up what's left of this body I got more than necessary." It's as much an affirmation to himself.

The crows continue to stay enthused that Phil is going inside at all, and Phil supposes that's a win he'll take for himself, too, tonight. Warm his hands, soothe those aching parts of him, and get through another evening of night terrors and hot tea so he can be back out tomorrow, one day closer to the skies again.

send me a number 1-100 and i will write a drabble based off my spotify top 100

#spotify wrapped ask #c!philza #my writing

[lotti-lyric]

Hello! I'm here to request a romantic MHA matchup if you could please! I'm a 16 year old female but I look and act mature for my age(due to trauma) so I often get mistaked as an 18 year old or even older sometimes. Some good qualities of mine are maturity, level headedness, and then I can be motherly. Some bad traits can include bluntness, coming off as cold, and stubbornness. I'm an introvert so i hate being around crowds and speaking infront of people I also have social anxiety so that doesn't help... I would much prefer staying at home watching anime and petting my pets than going out... More of my fun and loud side comes out around my friends or the right people. My hobbies or things I enjoy include hanging out with friends, swimming, listening to music, art, laying in bed on my phone, animals(I want to work with animals as a job), watching anime, the ocean(I love water if I could choose a quirk it would be water based), stargazing(I love galaxies, the moon and stars I find everything so fascinating), the colors black, blue, purple, then finally goth/emo style and aesthetic! Some dislikes of mine are bananas, P.E./sports(volleyball is okay tho), and men/father figures in my life-. My music taste includes the artists, The Neighborhood, Girl In Red, The Arctic Monkeys, Billie Eilish, Melanie Martinez, Alec Benjamin, Corpse, and Conan Gray! I'm bisexual/omnisexual so either gender could work but in mha I lean towards having stronger crushes on the guys and only some lighter crushes on the girls so do with that what you will. Traits I dislike in others are immaturity, impatience, disrespect, pushing boundaries, and not listening. Traits I look for in others are respect, kindness, understanding, patience, and humor. A bit about my appearance is I have longish black hair, pale skin, freckles, i'm a bit chubby, and tall(5'8). Im also very insecure and I doubt myself a lot but I'm trying to work on that! Some love languages include words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch and sometimes acts of service. I have mental and physical health issues so I would need someone who could accept and be able to handle that. I would also need someone that would accept that I have trauma as well. I would want this relationship to be a two way thing so its very important that they give the same effort I'm giving into the relationship. I would prefer not to be matched with Denki, Bakugou, Iida, Tokoyami or any adult since I'm a minor. I think thats it... I'm sorry if I missed anything you needed or if this is to long! I understand if you don't get to me right away! I hope your having a nice day! Thank you!

charlotte’s interlude 💗- hi!! i’m so sorry for the delay!! i hope you enjoy this match, it was super fun to write!! you sound so cool, take care of yourself! have a great one!

warnings; anxiety mention, animals, swearing, insecurity

i match you with…

Shoto Todoroki

this for you both!! ^

he loves how level headed you are, you’re a real pillar of stability for him

he isn’t too fond of crowds either so you both prefer to have dates indoors, stargazing on a balcony or listening to music and just laying together

when you’re comfortable with talking, he loves listening!! he could listen to you, a small satisfied smile on his face for hours

“Oh, it’s nothing love. Please continue :)”

he’s so amazed by your knowledge of animals!! he’s just so impressed and finds your devotion so damn cool

your pets love him bc he always brings toys and such 💗

he thinks it’s so cool you can swim as well as you do!! you look so graceful he’s so weak for you

he always does what he can to help with your self esteem! he’s so proud of you!!

“You amaze me everyday. You’re doing astoundingly, darling.”

you both mutually work on yourselves together!! your relationship is very much a two way street

you understand each other, everything is mutual and genuine and it’s just so pure!!

#bnha fanfiction #bnha x reader #boku no hero academia #mha fanfic #bnha hcs #bnha x self insert #mha x reader #bnha matchups #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #mha hcs #bnha fanfic #mha fanfiction #bnha matchup #mha matchups #mha matchup #bnha todoroki #shoto todoroki #bnha shouto #bnha shoto todoroki

[notetosunshine]

too self aware

every possibility has been thought of in my mind.

"I think my friends hate me"

You have all right to be upset. But it could just be your bipolar depression. Maybe you're having an episode. Remember the things your friends have done for you? How could they hate you? Or what if they're only keeping you around because you're funny? You bring more burdens than benefits. They're not like that though. Like lets be real, no one does what they do for you to people they dont like. But what if people thought those things before they found out their friends hated them? youre not unique. if you were pretty you wouldnt feel this way. how would they treat you if you were pretty? what would they say? would things change would i change and they hate me for it? this is all just chatter in your brain and you dont actually believe any of this. but what if some of it is true? do you think they really care? how do i console them? i dont know how to be a good friend. Another reason as to why they may hate you. they dont hate you. they even like you. will we even last forever? would they cry if i killed myself? youre being dramatic. youre making yourself upset. you dont believe any of those things and once your level headed you'd realize how it doesn't even make sense. stop overthinking. but you can never know anyones true intentions. you hear people put up with people they hate and kill them in the end or cheat on them or ghost them. they were friends with them for so long and finally had enough. when will they have enough of you? youre disposable. when the friendship breaks apart where will you go? no one wants to talk to you outside of a groupchat. how come? no one asks you questions or comes to you for advice because youre useless. you should literally like so hashtag kill yourself but like dont. im so tired. i dont understand anything. what if you just stop talking to them? maybe give them another petty stupid test and get mad when they stop asking or caring and then drag it out further, ignore them for longer until they cave in and check on you and then your sick little mind gets affirmed and you talk to them again. boy who cried wolf. loveed that movie. yeah anyways your friends dont hate you. they may hate each other though. but whatever. thats another days panic.

#overthinking #idk what to call this

[ihatemyselfbutidolovetea]

10/23/23

This isn't good. This is just.... not good. It's relationship issues so it's not like I can go to my friends about it. As much as I can ask other people to affirm me and tell me I'm good, I need need need need NEED Jayson to let me know that he doesn't think I'm a failure, he's not disappointed, he forgives me for being late on graduation and he recognizes my accomplishments.

Here's how arguments have been structured for the last few years; We piss each other off somehow---> I notice Jayson is upset and then I try to make things right by apologizing saying where I messed up but I will try to advocate for myself and let Jayson know how he's making me feel---> Jayson does not receive my attempts and then goes on a barrage of criticisms towards me which is mostly "when are you gonna graduate???" "Why aren't you making progress with moving on yet??" "You promised you'd graduate last year and you didn't" "I believe in you but I've heard this all before." Even when the argument had nothing to do with school in the first place, that's always brought up 98% over every single disagreement. As much as I want to keep working towards it, this pressure just kills my motivation. It doesn't get my ass in gear it just makes me shut down, and have destructive thoughts. Trying to be productive in these conversations is a fool's errand, and I should have learned a long time ago, that when the conversation turns to this, that's when I bounce.

But I really messed up this time. I lied to Jayson, I told him I made an appointment with a guidance counselor when he asked. I didn't, I was planning on doing that when I got home. But by the time work came up this rat race I'm in was just damaging my mental state. I needed a break really badly. If I'm not on campus then that would mean I don't meet with a counselor. My lie would have been exposed. So I had to come clean. I tried making actual appointments with guidance and a career counselor to make it hurt less, but the damage was done. He was not happy at all. There was nothing I could do it make it right. I hurt Jayson by lying. He told me it would hurt less if I just told him "No I didn't make an appointment" upfront rather than lying. Now I'm left with Jayson really thinking I'm a failure. Not just in life but being a good partner.

I'm just so ashamed. The self-hatred is back. Why does living hurt so much? It hurts to be in a body and it hurts to be with other people. It hurts to survive. It hurts to keep up. It hurts to leave my house. It hurts having to face shame every day. Of course, I can't tell Jayson what I'm feeling right now. How could I? After what I did, Jayson might never trust me again... I just hate myself, I'm such a coward. How can I deserve a relationship when I'm this much of a mess... I have no one but myself in the end. It's me being a mess, not my anxiety or my childhood. I can apologize for that mess ad nauseam but the mess hasn't cleaned up. No one's gonna force me to clean, no one's going to hold me accountable. I will get no comfort from being a mess.

There's something wrong with me... Why can't I be normal? Why am I busted? I just ruin everything good I have with the way I am. My talents, my past successes, and all my efforts will never be enough. We are put on this earth to survive, survive with each other. You are responsible for playing by the rules.

I just want to feel better...

#personal #diary #vent

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

Dearest Sunshine,

I hope this ask finds you well and that you’re doing amazing. How do I get guys to notice me? I think I’m starting to crave male validation a bit but I know that too much can be bad. I’ve changed up my wardrobe recently to be more feminine and cutesy because dressing like that makes me feel really pretty but I was hoping it would help guys notice me too. I think i’ve started to delude myself into thinking that if I wear a really pretty outfit outside then like 10 boys will come up to me and start talking to me. (I’m not dressing for them, but maybe I want to get noticed a bit 😞)

I definitely want to put myself out there but I don’t even know how to talk to boys.

Hello my love, i hope you are doing well. Let me start by saying that i am not an expert on talking to men, the fact that i found my boyfriend at all is something of a miracle in itself, so i may not be the best person to come to for advice, but i will try anyways 💕

First things first: confidence is key. Everyone loves confidence, whether they realize it or not. We're all attracted to people who have high self esteem and are very sure of yourselves, so start by working on your confidence. Positive affirmations help a lot. I recommend getting Self Esteem (3rd Edition) by Matthew McKay: i got it for 50 cents at a surplus store and it has done wonders for my self esteem and how i view myself. I think it would be helpful in building your confidence.

Next, don't worry about what you wear. I've pulled guys when i wore leggings, sweatshirts, old shorts, and tie dye shirts i made myself. Looks do not always matter. If a guy is interested in you and he wants to talk to you, trust me, he will. Don't worry your pretty head about being feminine or looking a certain way to attract guys.

Be friendly! I know it's hard when you're nervous, but the best way to get to know people is by being friendly and talking with them. See a cute guy in the grocery store? Ask him about something he has in his shopping cart, start a conversation. At the gym when you see a hot guy? Ask him how to use a specific machine and chat if you can. Just let things flow naturally. If he doesn't want to talk, just let him go, there's plenty of fish in the sea. If he does talk, ask him about himself: does he buy this product every time he goes grocery shopping, what recipes does he use this food in, how long has he been going to the gym, what does his workout routine consist of. Again, if he doesn't want to talk, he won't, so don't force it. Just relax and see where things go.

If you're REALLY desperate for attention, you could always post nudes on nsfw twitter. That's what i did for a while and it satisfied me for a bit (tbh that's actually how i met my boyfriend sksksk but that's a story for a different day). If you post nudes, don't show your face, don't share your real name or location, don't give out any clues as to who you are and where you live. Be as anonymous as possible. It may help satisfy your urge for male attention.

Overall, just be yourself. If a guy really wants to get to know you, he wants to know the REAL you, not just who you present yourself to be.

I hope you find what you're looking for sweetie, stay safe, love you 💕

#ask

[self-shipping-academy]

LESSON #1: What is "self shipping"?

If you know what a ship is, you're already part of the way there.

In this lesson, we'll learn about what self shipping actually *is*, why people choose to self ship, and the different types of self ships there are.

Well shipping is...well...shipping. This is the top shipping website/app besides the *FedEx app, after all.

It's when you pair one individual with another, in a romantic, platonic, or queer platonic sense, usually with another, similar individual - usually from the same series or source.

So that's all the usual stuff like Des//tiel, John//lock, Hanni//gram, etc.

Self shipping, however, is when you ship fictional characters...with yourself.

It really is as easy as that.

*Other shipping companies are available.

Why would you self ship, though?

There can be lots of reasons why someone would choose to - or choose to start - self shipping.

For some people, it can be just done as a hobby or a bit of entertainment. Something to make the long winter evenings pass by.

For others, self shipping may be something that they do for the benefit of their mental health and done as something as part of practicing good self-care.

Some studies have found that self shipping can be beneficial and can even be a motivating factor for a lot of people in getting stuff sorted out through their own personal lives as a form of self-affirmation.

For example:

[Fictional character here] would be proud of me for remembering to brush my teeth this morning.

[Fictional character here] is cheering me on and hoping I'll do well in my exams.

[Fictional character here] would want me to look after myself.

I, personally, self ship mainly for fun. However; I do find it does bring about some stress relief and helps me with managing my mental health. Which is a nice little bonus, I guess.

As I said, though, it can only be done as a form of entertainment or as a hobby if that's as far as you're comfortable taking it - even just for the time being.

Whatever works for you, works for you.

What are the different types of self shipping, then?

There's more than one way to self ship with a fictional character. The main types of these are:

Romantic;

Platonic;

Queer Platonic;

Familial, and;

Fan Pets.

Romantic 💘

This is where you imagine yourself and your fictional character/s of choice in a romantic relationship. This can vary between just having a crush on them, having a lighthearted romantic relationship or even being full-on spouses.

PLEASE NOTE: In order to avoid being a proshipper/comshipper (or otherwise problematic), your romantic relationships should be age-appropriate—especially if they go into the realm of sex or sexual intimacy.

Platonic 💚

This is where you like each-other, but not necessarily in a romantic sense. In this case, you might just be friends, acquaintances, or co-workers. Or it can stem into queer platonic or familial relationships.

Queer Platonic 🏳️‍🌈

AKA: Friends, but more than just friends.

In which you have more than just a plain ol' platonic relationship with your fictional character(s) of choice, but at the same time, it's not necessarily a romantic or sexual one.

So basically, when you're besties. But you're more than besties. But not all the way more than besties.

Can involve stereotypically "romantic" stuff too, though, like kissing, cuddling, sex, etc. and may be an option for you to explore if you're not into romance and/or sex.

But if you like a fictional character - but not into the realm of romance and you feel you'd be more than just friends - it's also a good option for you.

Familial 🌳

We! Are! Fam-il-y!

For when you like a fictional character so much you want to have them as a family member.

This can cover any familial relationship, so they can be a sibling, a sibling in law, parent, parent-in-law, piblings, niblings, cousins or otherwise.

Of course, this doesn't just have to be by blood ties - this can also, equally, be by cases of fostering and adoption or even found family where it's applicable.

Either way, your fam-a-lam is valid.

And finally, there's...

Fan Pets 🐾

For when you like a fictional creature so much, you wanna keep them as a pet.

This can either be a pre-established pet of any fictional characters you're in any kind of relationship with, or it can be just your own little thing.

And when I say fan pets can be a fictional creature, I mean any creature. Be they puppies or Pokémon, horses or unicorns, cats or tigers, etc.

This can also be a good application for if you like or want a pet animal, but wouldn't be able to have one in real life for whatever reason (e.g. being unable to care for them properly, allergies, them being an entirely fictional/mythical creature, etc.)

Whatever kind of self ship(s) you have or end up having, I wish you many successes with them! 🤗

#self shipping academy #self shipping #self shipping community #romantic self ship #queer platonic self ship #qpr self ship

[darckcarnival]

The offer is sweet, truly, and lips quirk up in a smile. A sad one but appreciative all the same. "Talking to him is just going to make it worse. Even his sister hasn't interfered." She probably will, eventually, but Leon doesn't want to make it worse by having his friend show up to talk to Chris. At least Claire his both his friend and Chris' sister.

"We've known each other since I was twenty-one. Went through Raccoon City together." It's no surprise by now that Leon was there, if she didn't know it, he's sure she suspected it. "Kind of became friends with benefits thing and then we became official."

You deserve better.

No, he doesn't think he does. "I hurt him. Bad. Left him in the hospital with Claire because I got so blinded with rage. I don't have anyone to blame but myself." No, he doesn't deserve Chris.

But isn't Chris hurting him too? Knowing that Leon would go to the ends of the earth for this man, that Chris is the only reason Leon fights, truly fights, and he won't even look at him?

He looks away from the bottle when she suddenly yanks him closer, head turning to look at her and then she's wrapping her arms around him. It's a surprise to him, for a moment, and then those words hit him like a freight train.

And oh, how badly he wants to break right now. Instead, as blue eyes gloss over, he dips his head. Presses it against her shoulder to simply take comfort in her embrace, and maybe, to also hide the way he's so close to crumbling down.

"Hm. Understood." Darck gives a nod of affirmation for a brief moment, taking the mans words as they were without question or argument. If he didn't want her to try and step in and it might make it worse, then she wouldn't. As much as the vampire had plenty of experience, and even offer it, but not always to follow through. So for now she would let it lay... For now. So long as it didn't get worse or spiral out of control.

The woman absorbed all these words, putting together this timeline the man had in her head. Maybe better not to tell her anything of herself ever, given he had willingly given this much information so far. It's make it worse. At least Leon had Chris... Although, clearly, that had changed.

Her arm tightened as the man rested on her shoulder, strength flexing and showing it's self briefly, firm and confident. But comforting. Darck wasn't going anywhere, not so much as faltering one inch. Her voice is soft and quiet when speaking again. "I see... Yeah, that is pretty bad... But still. You are hurting each other, it's what we do as people. Accidental or not. That does not mean you deserve this situation at all. Either of you, Leon. No matter what though, I've got your back.." No matter what might happen in the after math of this.

Darck's higher senses can pick up the slightest hint of salt in the air being this close. He's quiet, he's tense, but accepting this embrace. This affection. So, keeping her one arm around Leon, she lefts the other up off the table. Ignoring her empty glass. Now bring that free hand up to softly pat his hair in a reassuring touch. No, she isn't going to move it away, not going to remove his comfort of keeping the face hidden. Just rubbing the back of his head. "Hey, you don't need to hold back. You are allowed to cry. I'm not going to think any different of you at all, and it won't leave here. I promise... Go ahead. Cry." He needs to.

"I'll be right here and still got you the entire time."

#survivortm #Not An Agent By Choice :: survivortm #Creeper Gonna Creep :: Darck In Character

[thisdreamplace]

Hey bestie, I would really appreciate your advice about my situation because you're the only person I trust when it comes to the law other than myself.

I confessed to my SP a week ago, and he feels the same way. So now, we're not dating but we both know that we're getting there. I was the one who wanted exclusivity within our situation, and he agreed. And yet I'm scared because his energy seems off. There's the fear that he's just agreeing because it's what I want, and I keep on affirming that he wants me and I've made an assumption a long time ago that my negative feelings don't manifest but I still feel scared. We're also long distance, and we've never met. He's been hanging out with a lot of new people lately, and you can already guess which fears of mine are being brought up to the surface. I have a lot of relationship trauma, I suffer from PTSD because of a past partner cheating, and I'm really tired of people saying not to fear that he'll do the same because circumstances don't matter — I already KNOW I'll be turned off if he does that. I'm sorry, but even if I'm aware that it's my doing, I would not tolerate that. I know I'd lose interest because I wouldn't want that in our history. It also feels awkward between us — the confession didn't go in the way I planned. We do feel the same way, he does say that he wants me, but I felt like it was underwhelming. Like something was missing.

I'm just very tired at this point. I spent all 2021 manifesting a different SP, but we didn't work out the way I wanted us to and I only said goodbye to them officially two months ago. I don't want to lose this SP like I lost the other one. And yes, my negative thoughts/feelings don't have to mean anything. Yes, spiralling doesn't have to mean anything. But I'm exhausted. And I'm jealous, I feel needy, I feel so insecure. Letting go scares me because I don't want him to change his mind while I'm gone. I don't want him to go off and have intimate moments he can't have with me because of distance. I don't want to suddenly be replaced as I disappear. I feel like I'm dying.

okay first of all u really need to take a step back here.

a lot of ur frustrations come from the fact you want the law to work for you, but then you’re also going to be mad if it works for you.

like, you have to understand this world is a mirror. your inner world is reflected by the outer world… good, bad, and indifferent. so stop putting all this weight into your sp and how they better show up. bc based off everything you admitted, you cannot sit here and be surprised if the things ur claiming you don’t want shine thru. you’re so busy trying to control this person which isnt it — you need to worry about controlling urself. there is no one to change but self. that is literal. lol i understand the heaviness you explained with worrying about what they may do while you’re “gone” but the hard pill to swallow is to realize sitting here ruminating over it doesn’t stop them neither. they aren’t going to put their life on pause because you decided to put your life on pause and wallow instead. it’s painful but let it be your wake up call that your world cannot change until you do.

if you have already decided they’re not worth it if they reflect the sides of YOU that you don’t like, then imo it’s best you really do take space because you have a lot to unpack here.

you don’t have to accept any type of behavior, and you can leave behind anyone that you want to in the process. but i also cannot applaud you for your idea of proving your self worth neither. because truly choosing yourself and truly proving your self worth begins with looking inside of you and doing what you need to do to stop repeating the experience of the old story. not going person to person hoping for a new experience. it simply doesnt make sense and it will not work — the mirror cannot reflect something that is not there. this is the side of the law a lot of people don’t want to accept. especially when it comes to a sp. but you’re being invited to look within and change the pattern once and for all. and it has everything to do with how you show up — not how you decide to react to your sp.

this is why imo, people saying you don’t need to heal is more detrimental than helpful. you have manifested your sp and instead of going in the direction you want you’re being dragged back down into your own shadows… take some time to really let the past pains go as well as any ideas you keep holding onto that don’t help you any longer. we latched onto those things as a safety net, but then we end up allowing them to keep us from what we truly want. you don’t have to live your life in these pains and fears. you can experience true love and freedom — but as long as you keep gripping onto the past you will have a more difficult time, such as what you are experiencing now.

i hope this helps you to shift where you are coming from and begin going in a new direction. you truly have a lot to face within yourself, and it sounds very heavy and will be uncomfortable. but you are definitely worth the journey. 💓

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” — Rumi

#sp #allowing