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#sir you are under arrest for cuteness crimes
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EVERYBODY BEHOLD THE CUTEST BOY E V E R OMG I SQUEALED, BABY MAN!!!!! NEW CYBIRD ART OF THE SILLY DROPPED THIS MORNING FOR HIS BIRTHDAY:
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Link to the original post below!
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iceaxeflynn · 2 years
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SPOILERS FOR PA:AA—T&T RECIPE FOR TURNABOUT
I was playing through PA:AA Trials and Tribulations, and I just realized that no one talks about Recipe for Turnabout.
Why? How can no one in this fandom not go bat shit insane for Phony Phoenix? I mean look at this man
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He’s bat chit insane. The madlad is literally an anti-Phoenix. He calls himself the Tiger. He growls at the jury. He’s so scary the Judge hides under his desk.
HE MAKES A FAKE ATTORNEY BADGE OUT OF CARDBOARD AND PRETENDS TO BE PHOENIX IN!!! COURT!!!!!!
AND NOBODY SAYS ANYTHING!
Gumshoe, the Judge, Maggey, AND EVEN MAYA don’t register that its NOT PHOENIX.
He’s constantly screaming. He’s growling. He tells Phoenix that for every dumb question he asks he’s gonna sue him $50,000.
HE’S BRIGHT. FUCKING. RED.
I refuse to acgnowledge this Furio Tigre erasure. That case was a fucking wild ride. That man impersonated the most popular defense attorney and almost got away with it, and it was heavily implied that he was dating the granddaughter of the
HEAD OF THE GODDAMN MAFIA.
Did I mention he roars like a tiger? I don’t think you understand. This man has AUDIO DIALOGUE THAT PLAYS EVERY TIME HE ROARS. EVEN PHOENIX HIDES UNDER HIS DESK FROM HIM.
LOOK AT THAT SUIT!!!!
And then lets step away from fuckin Tiger Phoenix for a minute.
We ALSO learn that Gumshoe is SUPER SOFT for Maggey Bryde. She gets arrested for supposedly being the murderer, and Gumshoe is in HYSTERICS. He runs around like a lost puppy doing everything he can to get Maggey out with the same if not more panic than he had when Edgeworth was arrested. AND ITS SO??? WHOLESOME?????
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Like he’s SO CUTE TOO. He makes Maggey lunches, because he notices she’s been loosing weight and doesn’t want her to be unhealthy. When he understands that Maggey is mad at him because of a misunderstanding, he avoids her because she says she doesn’t want to see him, and he doesn’t want to push himself onto her.
HE’S SUCH A GENTLEMAN?? WHY DO I NOT SEE MORE MAGGEY AND GUMSHOE SHIP ART.
Not only that, but they have PERFECT ENERGY TOGETHER. They’re both like energetic dogs you can rely on. They’re excited, and they’re here to do their best. They can do no wrong.
Also, Gumshoe and Maggey LOVE the same foods and it’s adorable. You can’t change my mind; straight ships can be adorable too I’m literally a gay man call me homophobic I dare you.
ALSO JUST?? THE OTHER CHARACTERS AS WELL?????
First up we’ve got who I like to call
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Grandpa Seedman (A.K.A. Victor Kudo)
What a man. What a madlad. He makes me want to dump him in a fucking silo of birdseed.
Why is he here? Why does he have all that birdseed? Why can’t he calm down and stop throwing it for five seconds? If I had to guess what Wendy Oldbag’s ex-husband would be like, this is exactly who I think it would be. They’re both insufferable to no end. Let me throw them outa window.
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Then we got Monsieur Essential Oils (A.K.A. Jean Armstrong)
What In The Royal Fuck. Where are these roses coming from. Why does his restaurant look like a Hello Kitty Lolita Cafe. He’s also half a million dollars in debt. I would ask why but if you took one look in hid goddamn restaurant you would understand why. Also literally everyone in the game thinks his food is shit.
Please sir. Please you’re so gay it hurts. He’s literally April May but a guy. Actively flirts with Gotot which is pretty funny so you get some extra points.
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Wednesday Addams (A.K.A. Viola Cadaverini)
So little miss is the granddaughter of a fucking MOB BOSS and she is literally true crime. Constantly mutters about offering you tea. Would be a nice gesture if the murder in this case WASNT CAUSED BY SOMEONE BEING POISONED THROUGH A DRINK also the fact that the MURDERER IS HER BOSS
She’s actually pretty chill, despite how off-putting she is. Would love to listen to true crime and watch the Twilight Zone with her. She deserves better.
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THIS MOTHERFUCKER
HOW THE FUCK DID NO ONE NOTICE IT WASNT PHOENIX THE BITCH IS LITERALLY BRIGHT FUCKING RED
He also rides a teeny fuckin scooter thats like neon pink and blue which is so goddamn funny to me especially considering the fact that that tiny ass scooter caused a massive crash which he walked away from unscathed but the DRIVER was sent to the EMERGENCY ROOM and had A MILLION DOLLARS worth of surgery done.
This man can fight god and win the only reason he didn’t get away with the murder is because bitch straight up went “haha Phoenix Wright you dumb bitch thats not the poison bottle I used get your facts straight” and Godot has a fucking ANEURISM because all of these witnesses are SO FUCKING STUPID
Godot was the real victim here holy shit this fucking case was the most bat shit insane stuff how the FUCK did no one talk more about this PLEASE
TL;DR Give Recipe For Turnabout more love. It’s the most unhinged shit on the planet.
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sappy-detective · 4 months
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another saiouma ‘detective’ AU i’ve had for a while but done know how to write down without sounding dorky. but then i remember this is tumblr, so here
have you guys watched that episode of attorney woo (ep 10) where woo is on the train and sees a guy getting arrested and try’s to help? yah but make it saiouma (and semi chaotic).
shuichi is doing something, on the train, or at a coffee shop and this cute preteen boy bursts through the door, looks at shuichi and
K: “hey! aren’t you like that detective guys nephew yah!?“
and like 5 officers are casing him with guns and he hides behind shuichi
K: “dude you need to help me! make them go away!”
S: “w-what??! i’m his nephew not a magician! the hell am i supposed to do!”
K: “i don’t fucking know do something!!”
S: “im 15 what am i supposed to do!?-“
PO: “sir step away from him, he’s a murder suspect”
S: “i would like to but he won’t let me”
that OR and AU where they’re very happy and steady on a four year long relationship and one thanksgiving day there’s a mock knock at the door, it’s shuichis work buddy’s
S: “um.. sorry but you wernt invited to my thanksgiving..”
PO: “actually we’re here him, kokichi ouma- you! you’re under arrest for-”
and boom he starts running, other cops start looking around their home and he’s like
S: “um you can’t do that withou-”
PO: “we already have a warrant.”
oumas under arrest for murder (he ran before they even said what it was in the beginning) he thought it was something else he did and IS in fact, guilty of but it’s WAYY less crazy then murder. him running just makes him look guilty as fuck.
shuichi has to go through the crazy though of his boyfriend actually doing something that fucking atrocious. and, we’ll, prove him inocente, not in an official way, but the same way he solved a cold case when being underage.
ANDDD! not to mention ouma lying about a lot of stuff to do his real, not so crazy, but also not so small crime (probably something involving DICE. don’t have to be crazy but i do think that’s his family and he’d do a LOT for them, including lying about what and where he is to shuichi)
either way, ouma is going to jail for something he didn’t do! because,,, obsessed with detective shuichi.
but then again… it would be a lot of shuichi and not enough ouma to be considered a saiouma fic… so maybe not that interesting … whomp whomp whatever! they’re AUs i like to think about trying to sleep :3
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bex-la-get · 2 years
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Sentenced to Cuddles (Ethan x f!MC)
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Book: Open Heart
Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x Natalie Cusack
Word count: 474
Summary: She’s bossy, he’s grumpy. But they love to cuddle.
Rating: T
Category: Fluff. Nothing but fluff.
Author’s Note: I haven’t been in the best place emotionally lately, so I wrote some fluff to cheer myself up. I hope it brings you some joy too. 💙 
Inspired by this post.
Natalie closed her book and sighed, stretching out her neck. She glanced out to the balcony, noting that the rain had not yet let up. She pursed her lips and looked at the room around her, sighing quietly to herself.
She was bored. And a little lonely, if she was being honest. This weather was a little too melancholic for her liking and she wanted a pick-me-up. Fortunately, she had just the solution.
“Ethan!” She called out.
“Yes?” He replied from another room in the apartment.
“Where are you?”
“In the bedroom, love.”
Placing her book on the coffee table, she padded down the hall and into the bedroom where she found her boyfriend leaning back against some pillows on the bed, his square glasses sitting on his nose and a medical journal in his lap. She smiled at the sight before her. Then she cleared her throat.
“Dr. Ramsey?”
Ethan looked up, raising an eyebrow? “Yes, Dr. Cusack?”
She held up a hand towards him, making her hand look like a makeshift gun. “Put your hands up, you’re under arrest!”
Ethan snorted. “Again? What did I do this time?”
Natalie stepped further into the room. “You, sir, are just too damn adorable. It’s a crime to be so cute.”
“Well, then you’ll just have to arrest yourself as well,” he countered. “Considering you’re the cutest person on the planet.”
Nat blushed. “Damn, that was smooth,” she muttered. 
Ethan smirked.
She cleared her throat again, and pointed the finger gun at him. “For your crime, you have been sentenced to one whole hour of cuddles. Brace yourself.” And without another word or warning, Natalie launched herself onto the bed, towards Ethan’s lying figure.
He had just enough time to move the medical journal aside before Nat landed and bounced on the bed beside him. He laughed as Nat looked up at him, her hair falling over her face and smiling. He moved the hair off of her face and returned her smile.
“Here to execute my sentence?” He teased.
“Yep!” Nat replied. She rolled onto her back and opened her arms for him. Without wasting a moment, Ethan adjusted himself on the bed and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close into his embrace. 
“Better?” He asked.
Nat nodded and nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck. “Much.”
He kissed her forehead. “Good.” They laid in silence for a moment before he spoke again. “You know if you wanted to cuddle, you could have just come in here and done so. You didn’t need to ‘arrest’ me. Again.”
“Yeah, but where’s the fun in that?” She teased. “Besides, don’t pretend you don’t like it when I get bossy.”
He smirked. “Mm, true. I do like your bossy side.”
“Told you,” she replied, triumphant.
He kissed her softly. “Love you, bossy.”
“Love you too, grumpy.”
A/N: Tagging separately.
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Alastair: *is grumpy*
Thomas: Sir, you are under arrest
Kamala: What was his crime, your honor?
Thomas: Being too cute
Kamala: Oof, sorry Alastair, but you're definitely guilty. What's his punishment, your honor?
Thomas: Serving a life sentence behind arms in Cuddles Penitentiary *hugs Alastair*
Alastair:
Thomas:
Alastair: Thank you
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hiddlesbummmm · 2 years
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Here is a Bucky X Reader fic requested by an Anon. You can read the original prompt here
Thanks for the request! I have butterflies just thinking about it! In this story, reader and Bucky are dating, so I hope that’s okay! 😁💓
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Warnings: Lots of fluff, PDA mentioned as reader and Bucky are dating (nothing graphic). Cute tickles!
Words: 2064 Ler Bucky X Lee Reader
Lovable Nuisance
When you have been dating someone for a long period of time, you tend to know many important details that makeup who they are. You know what makes them happy, what makes them sad, and what makes them annoyed or frustrated.
You and Bucky had been dating for nearly a year at this point. You met while working on a collab mission between the Avengers and Shield. You had spent a majority of your life training to be a Shield agent and when that phone call from Fury came in, you dove right into the extensive hands-on combat training and stayed up late studying undercover personas. Thanks to your late-night studying habits, you were a natural at being undercover during missions.
On a normal day, you looked as though you were a high school student; innocent, naive, and unsuspecting. You always hated the fact you looked youthful, but it was one of the best assets you could bring to most missions. When Shield needed to get a bug placed inside a huge corporation for intel, you were the one sent in posed as a young woman needing an entry-level job. This allowed you to sneak in undetected uncover as either a temp or work-study college student. You used your innocent charm and excellent profiling skills to talk your way into management offices and place the listening devices. If you happened to get caught, you were quick on your tongue to spit out an excuse. Usually, you pulled the “I’m so sorry, I thought the receptionist said Room 100B! She must have said 100a!” You then would flash the accuser a radiant smile and exit the room.
Once the bug was intact and the evidence needed was collected, you simply stopped showing up for “work”, and instead arrested the guilty bastards in whatever crime they were committing.
The mission you first met Bucky was similar to the ones you had done in the past. Bucky was undercover posed as a bodyguard for the CEO of a pharmaceutical company. When you were introduced to the Winter Soldier, you immediately felt butterflies in your stomach. His eyes, his smile, his physique, all of it was attractive. You had never felt this strong of an attraction to any of your coworkers before. It didn’t take long to realize Bucky looked at you the same way.
“Fury, you didn’t tell me I would be working with a teenager on this mission” Bucky teased after his first glance at you. Feeling bold you, you confidently walked up to the man, smirked, and promptly swiped his feet out from under him. Not expecting this, he collapsed onto his butt with a deer in the headlights look. The room erupted into laughter. Once Bucky composed himself he looked you dead in the eye and said “ Good thing I like my women feisty”. From there, you were like two peas in a pod filled with lots of flirtatious bantering sassy remarks.
The mission was easy peasy thanks to your newfound rapport with Bucky. The mission was needed because the rumor was that the CEO was adapting and evolving a strain of the Ebola virus and was planning on weaponizing it by mixing it into normal Ibuprofen. Bucky was hired by the man to watch his lab at night to ensure no one tampered with any of his “work”.
Your role this time was to be a lab tech. The CEO did not trust you yet, so it would be up to Bucky to let you in late in the evening after Bossman went home.
After seeing the owner leave, you walked down the hallway and approached Bucky while still in character.
“I need into this lab sir. I have some specialty chemicals I needed to lock up.”
You held back a smirk as Bucky pretended to read your fake ID.
“Alrighty Miss. But please, hurry back. Wouldn’t want you to stumble across anything you shouldn’t”. Bucky winked at you as you opened the door.
You were glad Bucky was to stay outside because that wink made your face flush.
Once you had the virus specimen in your possession, Bucky “escorted” you out of the building because he was sure he had seen you try to take something. You were then able to get the vial into shield custody, and the CEO was arrested. Another completed mission.
While saying your goodbyes to the Avengers and thanking them for allowing you to work with them, you were invited to stay in the compound and network with them in the future.
This is where your love story with Bucky blossomed. Because you two had experience working together already, the team gladly paired you up knowing you trusted each other and worked well together. It didn’t take long for Bucky to ask you out on your first date, and now you were practically living together and inseparable.
This weekend was like any other weekend except this time, you and Bucky were both excluded from the mission. Lots of hand-to-hand combat was needed, and Bucky wasn’t sure you were ready for that yet. You had been training hard with the other team members, but you were still learning how to be quicker on your feet. You knew enough self-defense to get you out of a tricky situation, but you weren’t ready for heavy-duty fighting yet. You are grateful for this because you didn’t necessarily feel like getting beat up and having to be on bed rest.
Since most of the team were going to be gone for a few days, you and Bucky decided to make the most of being alone. You really wanted to go Mini golfing so Bucky treated you to that. Feeling quite cheeky, you raced to the car and hopped in the driver seat knowing Bucky hated it when you drove. He was very old-fashioned and wanted to be the gentleman who drove the lady. When he went to open the driver's door, he jumped a little in shock to see you in his spot.
“ What do you think you are doing Doll!? I always drive!” You giggled and turned the key on. “ Not this time! Now get in loser, we’re going mini-golfing!”
Bucky rolled his eyes and hopped in the passenger's seat. Still feeling sassy, you started to blare your obnoxious music. Bucky didn’t say anything the whole ride, but a faint smirk shadowed his face which told you he wasn’t actually mad.
Bucky absolutely creamed you in mini-golfing. You claimed he cheated, but had no evidence of it. Your afternoon ended with the two of you going out to get ice cream and having a Lord of the Rings marathon at home.
The following day, you were still feeling very mischievous. You loved teasing Bucky because he was always so patient with you. This time, you wanted to see how far you could push him until he broke. Besides, this was a normal girlfriend activity. You were pretty sure you saw it in the “Boyfriend Handbook”.
Since it was a Sunday, you knew Bucky was off in the common room having his mediation time. Once a week, Bucky took time to decompress and relax a little. Usually, he could only do it for 20 minutes before he was interrupted by a team member. Since you two were alone, you knew he would be gone for about an hour.
You decided the first thing you would do was take a shower. Bucky loved showering with you and knew he would be bothered by the fact you showered alone. To top it off, you left your wet towel right on his pillow.
You chuckled gleefully to yourself when you heard him enter the room and mumble to himself about missing out on shower time.
Feeling slightly remorseful for showering without Bucky, you made him a nice breakfast.
Bucky walked into the kitchen and took a deep breath in. “ Wow Doll. This smells wonderful. How did I get so lucky”. He then walked over to where you were standing and wrapped his arms around you from behind. You giggled slightly as he nipped at your ears and neck.
“ Heheehay Bucky! Stohohohp tickling me! I mahahade your food!”
Bucky stopped his light attack and kissed you on the lips. “ Oh, I suppose you did. But that was for showering without me.”
You rolled your eyes and started to poke Bucky in the side when he tried to steal a piece of bacon out of the pan.
“Watch out lover boy, I’ll tickle you right back if you take that bacon”. Bucky chucked and made you both a cup of coffee.
After breakfast you took went to the gym to work out a little, and then took a nap on the couch. When you woke up, you noticed Bucky was still fast asleep next to you. You pondered whether you should be nice or not, you decided it was only fair if you woke him up. After all, you really wanted to go shopping and you wanted to mess with him a little. His head was almost in your lap which gave you lots of space to poke and prod his body.
Carefully and lightly, you dragged your fingertips over the delicate skin of his neck and ears. You clamped your other hand over your mouth to suppress any sounds like a light escape. You noticed that when you rubbed his ears, a smile would creep onto his face. But when you got closer to his chin, he would start to squirm.
Bucky started to shift around once you walked your fingers down his side. He was mumbling incoherent things with an occasional giggle as you prodded lightly between his ribs. Deciding you wanted to hear him laugh, you dove in, jamming your fingers into his belly and hips.
It only took a second for Bucky to wake up and he wiggled so much he rolled off the couch with a smile still plastered to his face.
You couldn’t contain the laughter that escaped your mouth and Bucky just glared at you.
“Oh you think that was funny love? Well I’ll give you something to laugh about you cheeky thing”. You were still laughing as Bucky wrestled you back down onto the couch. “You are such a little nuisance! But at least I still love you!” Without hesitation, he dove down and blew on your neck and used his scruff to tickle you.
Not expecting the sudden attack, you lost control and tried to clamp your neck to your shoulders.
“ No no no! I didn’t think so! I want a taste of this delicious neck” Bucky growled as he pinned your neck to one side and started nibbling on your skin. You were losing your mind at the sensation and his teasing was making things much worse.
“ Oh, my gohahash Bucky! Don't eat my neheheck!” Bucky just chuckled and blew another raspberry on a sensitive spot under your chin.
After he was done “eating” your neck, he worked his way down to nibbling on your sides and ribs. You thrashed desperately trying to escape the sensation, but it was futile.
“ BUCK NO STAHHP! I'M SOSOS SOAHAHRRY!” You squealed in ticklish delight as his beard was finding all sorts of sensitive areas on your belly. His fingers scratched at your ribs and massaged your sides while he ran his beard all over the place. You bucked and wiggled desperately as tears formed in your eyes from the friendly torment.
After what felt like forever, Bucky blew one last raspberry on your belly and rolled you over so your back was pressed into his chest.
“You have the most infectious laugh doll. I could do this all day” he whispered into your ear. “Who knew you were so ticklish”. Bucky poker you in the side for good measure. You giggled and pressed yourself deeper into his arms.
“I’m sorry for being so annoying recently. But if this is my reward for bothering you, I think I might continue my pranks. Besides, you can be a lovable nuisance too”.
Instead of responding, Bucky rolled you over and kissed you passionately.
“You can annoy me anytime love. Especially now that I have permission to tickle you silly afterwards”.
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lancermylove · 3 years
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You Are Under Arrest (Halloween HC)
Fandom: FFVII
Pairing: Zack x Reader, Angeal x Reader, Sephiroth x Reader, Reno x Reader, Genesis x Reader, Rude x Reader, Vincent x Reader, Rufus x Reader, Tseng x Reader, Cloud x Reader, Cid x Reader
Warning: Suggestive, slightly NS/FW.
Prompt: The boys reactions to see reader in a cop costume.
A/N: Happy Halloween!
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Prologue
The streets of Midgar were filled with screaming children, dressed in all sorts of costumes - princesses, princes, superheroes, animals, zombies, you name it. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until you stepped in front of your boyfriend wearing a cop costume and held out a pair of metal handcuffs.
“Stop right there, sir. You are under arrest.”
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Your outfit: 
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Zack
“Huh? What did I do wrong?” Zack tilted his head.
“I’m arresting you for being too cute.” 
He laughed and flashed a grin, “Is that a crime?” 
“Yes, it’s a horrible crime. Your cuteness has to power to kill.” 
Zack’s boisterous laugh echoed through the street, “Well, in that case, you should be arrested as well.” 
“You think I look cute...wearing THIS outfit?” You crossed your arms and frowned. 
“You are cute no matter what you wear.” 
Angeal
He ignored your words and stared you up and down with a shocked expression on his chiseled face.
Angeal quickly took off his jacket and covered you with it. 
“Angeal!” You tried to remove the jacket, but he put it back on you.
“Please don’t wear such clothes. Not on the streets.” 
You raised an eyebrow and smirked, “So you prefer I wear these types of outfits in private?” 
His face turned red as he cleared his throat. 
“Then commander, shall we go somewhere more private?” 
Sephiroth
“And why is that?” The silver haired male chuckled while examining your costume. 
“For being so sexy.” 
“Oh? In that case, you should also arrest yourself.” Sephi said in a low, alluring voice.
His comment made you blush, “Uh..I-I’m the cop here.” 
“You may be a cop, but I am part of the military.” He threw you over his shoulder and walked towards his apartment. 
“S-Sephi?” 
“Looks like I will have to punish you for your crime.” 
Genesis
Genesis placed a hand on his hip, “What crime have I committed?” 
“The crime of being beautiful.” 
“Beautiful, huh?” His eyes wandered down your body, “Then why don’t I show you how beautiful I can be, princess.” 
You blinked, “What does that mean?” 
He stepped closer to you and whispered in your ears, “How beautiful I can be in bed.” 
Vincent
Vincent stared at you, expressionless. 
“Oh come on, Vincent! Say something.” 
“You shouldn’t wear such clothes in front of children.” 
“It’s not like they understand.” You pouted. 
The wind suddenly picked up, causing you to cross your arms across your chest. 
Vincent wordlessly took off his cloak and wrapped it around you, “You need to take care not to get sick.” 
“You’re no fun, Vin.” 
Cloud 
Cloud’s cheeks heated when he saw your costume. 
He quickly shifted his eyes from you and mumbled, “Why do you want to arrest me?” 
“For sulking so much. Let me make you smile.” 
Cloud looked back at you, “How?” 
Shifting closer to him, you placed your hand on his chest, “By showering you with love.” 
“Love?”
You sneakily brush your finger on his pants, “Yes, love.” 
Cloud nearly had a nosebleed. 
Cid
Cid laughed, “Well, if it ain’t the sexiest cop I’ve ever seen. What is my crime?” 
“Your crime is loving Shera more than me.” 
“That ain’t a crime.” 
“Yes, it is.” You handcuffed his wrists together, “Now, for your punishment.” 
“Are you sure you wanna punish me ‘ere? There are kids around.” 
“C-Cid!” You covered your cheeks, causing him to laugh harder.
Reno
The Turk licked his lips and smirked, “You can arrest me anytime.” 
“You don’t even what to know what crime you committed?”
“Nah, the only crime I see here is you in that outfit.” He grazed the side of your waist with his index finger, leaving goosebumps in the wake. 
“Arrest me quickly, so that we can get out of here,” Reno flashed a cocky grin, “I’m sure you don’t want these runts to see me f*ckin’ you.” 
“Reno, language!” You quickly covered his mouth, hoping that no child heard him say that. 
Rude
Rude cleared his throat and loosened the knot of his tie, slightly uncomfortable seeing you in the revealing outfit.
“Rude, you’re supposed to ask what your crime is.” 
He once again cleared his throat, “What is my crime?”
“For wearing sunglasses 24/7. You still haven’t told me how many sunglasses you have in your blazer.” 
“My apologizes.” 
You slapped your the palm of your hand on your forehead, “What am I going to do with you?” 
Rufus
“You dare to arrest me?” Rufus chuckled, “How brave of you.” 
“Rufus, just place along.” 
“Very well. What reason do you have to arrest me?” 
“You are too handsome for your own good.” 
The corners of his lips rose, “Is that so? Then I shall let you arrest me.” 
“Well that was easy.” You boosted and took out your handcuffs. 
“Be careful, my love, you every action will have a consequence.” 
“What will you do?” 
Rufus took out his cellphone and called his assistant, “Cancel all my appointments for the next two days, I have an urgent matter to attend to.” 
A devilish grin appeared on his lips. 
Tseng
He disregarded your words and scanned your outfit, “Will you kindly change your costume?” 
“You don’t like it?” 
“That is a rather inappropriate outfit to wear.” He voice remained monotoned, and his expression flat.
“Tseng! You seriously don’t like this outfit?”
“I do not.” He removed his blazer and wrapped it around your shoulders, “Now let’s get you home.” 
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roseworth · 3 years
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i just finished the rise of flynn rider and i have a lot to say so spoilers under the cut 😌
i just said this on discord but as long as i dont think about it for more than 3 seconds it was really good!
lance and eugene 😭 i love them so much the author wrote their dynamic so so SO well and theyre so cute i love them
i think the plot overall was really good and i liked the thought behind it :') also EUGENE SAYING THAT LANCE IS HIS HOME 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 YES IM CRYING
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this line made me scream i love him so much oh my gododdddofiasudfdsifjohkas
also all the flynn rider quotes were SO good i loved them all so much and omg you could really tell that eugene based his entire personality on those books lollll i love it
okay now im gonna be really bitter but its not because i didnt like it! its just because the inconsistencies are what stick in my mind the most 😔
first of all i was sad to find out that anthony the weasel was actually his name, ive always thought that everyone else just called him anthony but eugene called him the weasel to be an asshole
ALSO i love having the characters that already exist in the book but like,,, having the snuggly duckling guys working with the baron kinda makes no sense? like they were all thugs but like they should have just always been at the snuggly duckling bc the baron still has his empire during the series but the snuggly duckling guys are clearly Not A Part Of It which kinda confuses me bc like? how and why did they all get out and go to the snuggly duckling :(
also everything with the baron is kinda.... huh. like clearly it is no longer a circus and is actually just like a crime family by the time the series happens so like,.,.,.,,,.,.,...,. why would he make that switch? also he was acting super out of character the whole time and i know that was partially the point but also when he was smiling and hugging ppl i was like "ok damn baron who are you"
ALSO VARDEROS WHAT THE FUCKDKAJFHDASJ first of all the orphanage should've been in varderos second of all they should have at least BEEN to varderos third of all quaid was canonically the first person to arrest them so like Excuse Me Sir What
its fine im fine
also eugenes memory is shit bc he forgot about the snuggly duckling passage, forgot about the tower, forgot about hookfoot, AND forgot about the dark kingdom aksdjhfdkfj
(in fairness though i was complaining abt it to one of my non tangled friends and he pointed out that to eugene its just a random tower and he would have no reason to remember it 10 years later)
also the ages were off the entire time and it was bothering me lmaooo bc eugene turned 26 when rapunzel was 20 so hes ~5 or 6 years older than her so on her 5th birthday he should be like 10 but he was 12 😤 smh
okay last thing i think but as much as i love the two of them being Upstanding Gentlemen and not wanting to steal or anything... booooooooooooo the entire time the only thing they technically stole was the egg and they did it for a noble purpose 🥱 boring. i know were supposed to assume that they start stealing sometime after the book ends but i wanted to see it :(((( let my boys be scoundrels
jk i have so much more to say so the whole thing with the dark kingdom is?????? i remember even from the preview i was annoyed that he knew about the dk symbol and then he knew that the dark kingdom existed and wtffff that doesnt work bestie! he would obv know about it when adira said "trip to the dark kingdom" and he would have at least mentioned to SOMEONE about his parents from the dark kingdom right?? wtf
also stalyan hhhhhhh what how why when. the baron clearly hates eugene and by association stalyan would probably hate him too so when and why would they get ENGAGED ugh
this threw me off even more than no time like the past but at least this i can regard as Not At All Canon akdsjfhad
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zerounitrgb · 4 years
Conversation
Tokoyami: *is grumpy*
Shouji: Sir, you are under arrest.
Dark Shadow: What was his crime, your honor?
Shouji: Being too cute.
Dark Shadow: Oof, sorry Fumikage, but you're definitely guilty. What's his punishment, your honor?
Shouji: Serving a life sentence behind arms in Cuddles Penitentiary. *hugs Tokoyami*
Tokoyami:
Shouji:
Tokoyami: Thank you.
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Note
Sir, you make me feel things, you're under arrest for handsome and charming crimes.
you can’t arrest me! i’m too cute
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thewickerking · 2 years
Note
🏳️‍🌈🎶
HELP i was typing this and it got so long... im going to put this under the cut for the sake of everyones dash
🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?
oh man a lot... um lets start with my number one everything.. qrow branwen.. literally bisexual first off. he is so into men i think. but not the men everyone ships him with -_- i think some stuff with him and clover is kinda cute but clovers literally a copppp.. the way they meet is clover arresting him and like 8 children for the crime of *checks notes* protecting civilians and ppl say qrow "my opening scene is destroying military property and shittalking the militarization of goverment and predicting its downfall AND BEING RIGHT" branwen not only falls for him but also jokes abt the cop "fixing him" like. yes qrow has every mental illness but if u think the cop is fixing him instead of the other way around.... 😬 also the other popular ship is him and ozpin.... who he met when ozpin was a principal and he was a student.... ok im done with shipping drama its just so much of what i find when looking for content for him its annoying -_-
um hes also canonically an addict and like. its undeniably true that he has depression and its not a headcanon exactly but him being explicitly mentally ill and fucking up and giving up and relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms while still being good and loved while also being called on things he does that hurt others without ever losing that love..... ough it means a lot to me even though some of the earlier writing skips over these things they are a notable part of some later volumes (volume 6 is my fav for a reason.. the reason is qrow) and not even exaggerating one of my fav things abt rwby is that they havent killed qrow off which sounds SIMPLE but hes a character following the footsteps of many cool but messed up mentor figures teaching protags and then dying for their development but he DOESNT. the idea of stepping aside for the next generation is CHALLENGED and hes CAPABLE of working on his issues and contributing to the main cast and betterment of the world not as a mentor but an equal in the fight to save the world. OUGH. WHATEVER. HE MAKES ME FEEL SO MANY THINGS.
also he isnt white i dont care about the models. there are points to be made about him and his family being vaguely indigenous and/or asian coded but the worldbuilding is sooo. its so. idk. i wouldnt say theres super strong evidence for either but i do enjoy both headcanons. i personally like to interpret him as latino/japanese bc mixed latino is the highest honor i can bestow upon a character but i also think it brings up some interesting concepts with his complicated family relationships. oh also hes nonbinary i do make the rules talk to the wall if u disagree. his gender is off the charts sir give me ur eyeliner secret. just kidding i know in my heart u do it with ur giant scythe.
HELP. thats all just qrow. Well yeah that tracks im obsessed with him. anyways ill list a few other things that are important 2 me without trying to type tooo much
um ruby yang and taiyang are all chinese. ur name is NOT taiyang xiao long if ur white (and also created by an asian man... but ppl rlly like to skip over that part) especially when contradicted with characters named shit like nora and peter (and weiss and jaune)... this specific like biggest pet peeve is people talking the character models at face value and drawing (especially yang but definitely also ruby) them as white like 🤨 thats so embarrassing. the models themselves kind of whitewash the characters (for lack of a better term, its complicated) and they do hire artists who further that but plssss do some thinking abt a man named taiyang xiao long having daughters and how that very much makes them chinese -__-
on a similar note blake shouldve been a poc. black and south asian hcs are my fave for her but like. it wouldve been so much better for several reasons. unrelated, but i like to hc that yang had ptsd before volume 3 but thats mostly because i project a lot of my childhood mental health issues on her lmao.. i could probably go on for a very long time so ill end it here. also. tyrian is trans
🎶 if your hyperfixation has songs/an ost, what is your favorite song from it?
oh man.... i have every rwby song memorized except some of the newer ones and lionize (bc i hate adam <3) but my fav of all time is probably bad luck charm. yes because its qrows song. i think it was my second song on spotify at some point. but some of my other faves are gold, i'm the one, hero, war, the sky is falling, and like every yang song. i love the music for rwby a lot <3
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bodyswap101 · 4 years
Note
Do you think you can help? I’m a Brit, pretty smart right now, but I want that to go. Your choice if you help or not, but I’m hoping to go full blown Scally lad, smoking, hands down trousers, middle fingers, etc. No photo requests - literally whatever you can find, I’ll take. I like a surprise. Hope you can help.
I can certainly help you with that, but I know you won't cope with such a radical change, so I've decided to phase you into your new scally body and life in 2 stages. I do hope you realise that ”de evolving” from your smart brit body and life means that you might never be smart again, or ever have money. So long as you do, and you accept that you can never go back, and never get as smart as you are now, then I'll let you have this body to start.
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If you accept your new body, just hit the pay link below and the rest will be taken care of. You'll be given a complete new identity, in fact 2 identifies, as this body is only temporary. Your final body is still waiting for you and he's actually saving for an upgraded body, until he can afford it, your stuck at the half way house. It won't be too long though, and if you feel your ready, you can boost his savings pot and enable us to make the switch happen quicker.
Payment received. Thank you.
Sir the next time you fall asleep will be the last time you fall asleep with your ”smarts”. It will be the last time you see any of your family or friends, you will of forgotten whom they are by the morning anyway. Your new body is is named James. He used to be a scally and has all the memories of that time. These memories will be used for you to learn the scally life. He's pretty fit to be honest and since turning twenty, 3 months ago he's stepped away from the scally life. He was fed up of being chased by cops. In fact that's where his story ended. On his final visit to the court room he was given a choice, prison or allow his body and life to be taken away and used for this purpose. He's got a brand new body now, in the form of the cop who arrested him, the cop has changed his life around and he now wants your body which is why you get his. The cop has used this short time to bulk James ’s body up, he sent him on a few holidays, got his head in the right place, and even got him a few tattoos as a reminder if his old life. Gone are his trackies, his smokes. He is now a model citizen. You can continue what the cop did for him or take his life on a new path, the choice is yours. I wouldn't recommend any crime though, the judge doesn't support body swappers, even though they are forced to do so by the law. If James goes in front of a judge, she believes the body does the crime, not the mind. If you get James sent to prison, you'll, be stuck this way. Fore fitting the money you paid and he body you have pre booked.
James, its been 3 months, your scally body has been in touch, he's ready for his upgrade, but is still, 3 months short of being an to afford it. We have told him we would ask if your ready, as we believe you are. You've learned enough about the scally life for it not to be too much of a shock for you. He says he can not wait any longer and wants his new body now. He asked if you wanted to pay the additional 3 months for him then he'll happily give you his body now. I don't know if this will convince you or not, but he said if you do swap with him today then he'd give you a free fuck before you both went on with your new lives. Just a reminder, your scally body and life didn't go to college and left school without any qualifications.
Payment received. Thank you.
So since this swap is going to be your final swap and it will be your new body and life the swap is a little different. Please meet Kyle at his house at 7pm sharp. Address to follow. Everything you need for the final swap will be delivered to kyles house at 7.30pm.
At 7pm I got to the address and there was a guy stood by a car, hands down trackies, smoking a fag.
Kyle?..
Yes. James? Nice to meet you.
Yes I'm James. And nice to meet you too. Err, the car?..
Oh that's part of the deal, we both get one, it's a free gift as a thank you from the company. There will be one at your place too, for me tomorrow. This one of course is yours, well it will be yours tomorrow.
Look, just in case they havent told you, I'm a proper chav or scally if you prefer. I don't have an education, I can hardly read or write. I got no job. But from what they have told me I'm what you want. My body ain't perfect but I'm lean and strong. I can handle my self in a fight. My dick, well that's massive, I've had it in plenty of pussys and never had any complaints. But they told me you were gay. And that I wasn't allowed to enforce straight or gay on you once your me. So since I found out that you might be gay when you become me I've been with a couple of lads, and let me tell you, that lads arse was falling apart by the time I had finished with him. And I actually enjoyed it more than with a bird. No risks of a kid. Init. But in about 12 hours, my body is yours and yours is mine.
And that fuck you promised.
Well, it's a fantasy of mine, shag myself init.
But you'll be someone else, you'll be me.
Yer but ill know that I'm shagging my REAL arse, I'll know my REAL dick is fuckimg my NEW arse. Init.
When you put it that way. I won't let you leave till we've done it.
Init.
Mate, I hardly know anything about the body, the life I'm giving you. I haven't owned it for long enough.
I know mate, they told me all about it. I know all I need to know. Init
Just then a courier arrived with a small package. We headed inside his place and both proceed to open it. There were instructions and 2 small vials if liquid. And a further bottle marked pre swap disinfectant wash.
I shoved at his shoulder and joked, I take it is better read these then?
Init.
Apparently just before we are ready to swap we have to shower or bathe together. I have to wash and scrub your entire body with this disinfectant and you must do mine, it says that the swap happens as we sleep and that we must touch each other while we sleep. It recommends a certain naked spooning sexual position to ensure full contact for 12 hours, it says we must both take the vial by mouth at exactly the same time and then lay down next to each other ensuring as much of our skin is touching each other. It says we will fall asleep after 15 minutes of taking the vial and all necessary steps must of been taken at that point to ensure contact is maintained. It says precisely 12 hours after we have fallen asleep we will both awake together, swapped. It says that we must not ejaculate or cum once the vial has been taken.
So since I'm the ’gay’ one and your just kind of curious I guess it would be best for you to be behind me, so you spooning me. Is 15 minutes long enough for you to get hard and push it in?
Look mate, it doesn't take me much to get hard, I can shove it anywhere and I can do gay too and I've seen your pics so just thinking about them muscles being mine is getting me hard already. But I think your right, I'll shove mine in you, that way I can reach round, play with your dick, massage your muscles in your abs. Init.
And I'm the gay one? It sounds amazing. What time you wanna do it?
I dunno, I like to sleep late, so how about we get some scran, few beers then come back here, take the vile and sleep?
Sounds like a plan but by 10pm I'm getting inpatient and I'm asking him if we can go back. He agrees. As the instructions started I washed his vody with the disinfectant I played around with him, kissed him, made him cum, he then spun me around and fucked me with his massive cock. He then started to clean me and sucked me off. I had never before experienced such an amazing sexual experience. We dried each other off and sat down naked at a table opposite each other.
My dicks still hard from all that init.
So it's almost midnight, we're gonna drink the vile and head to your bed?
Yep, init
don't forget, no matter how horny you get, don't cum.
On 3 init
1,2,3 we both downed the vial and headed to his bed. I lay down first, on my side and then he lay next to me, he proceed to push his erect dick into my arse and we fell asleep. He had one arm under me, rubbing my dick and the other offer me rubbing my abs. Our legs we're inter twined together.
Morning came and I awoke, still with a dick inside my arse. At first I thought it hadn't worked. I looked at the clock, 12.17pm. He was still behind me, he was still rubbing my stomach and fondeling me dick.
Well mate your abs are gone, and your dicks much bigger, feels good doesn't it?
I looked down at myself, I'm still had abs, but they weren't nearly as big as they were last night, I rubbed my hand a cross my head, and realised I no longer had a buzz cut and now had hair. I even felt dumb. And I knew I had become him.
It sure does init.
Bro, you even sound like me.
I know, cool init
You even say init everytime you finish a sentence, it's so annoying.
I know, it's a habit I need to get out of init.
So, you promised a fuck before you left.
I think you'll find it was you who promised the fuck. Init.
Don't really matter who promised who what now does it?
My dreams come true, I'm a scally, init
Fuck me please.
Only if you fuck me later, init.
I'll fuck you today tomorrow. The day after that if you want.
Init
I finally had my dream and I was now a gay scally, I had a cute boyfriend and I didn't care who knew about it. I had a special bomd with my boyfriend and knew his ins and outs, I used to be him. Of course he used to be me and he knew all my turn one and turn offs.
We approached the company who allowed this to happen and asked if there was a way for us to occasionally swap with each other to switch it up in the bedroom every now and then.
They told us it wasn't, but they did say that they had a few scally bodies on file, if we wanted to switch it up, a bit they could send us some vials t9 make us look like some of the others apfor a few hours
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soundwavefucker69 · 3 years
Note
For Baby Tal'ika: Fox and Mace talking about their kid, and how precious they are.
Oooo this brings up another thing I was thinking about that I should answer so I'm gonna do two birds one stone
----------
It took a lot of bribery and frayed tempers before Fox managed to personally drag Tal'ika back to the Temple. He was going to be a responsible vod and take this confused initiate in a safe and reasonable two seater speeder with edges and seatbelts, but the only way to talk the little demon down was to promise a ride on his own personal speeder bike, which was probably the most nervewracking ride of Fox's life. It was beyond relieving that it was a short ride.
Which led to now. Carrying the kid up the steps of the temple to deliver them to the guards. Except that didn't go the way it was supposed to go, because the guards informed him High General Mace Windu was needing to speak to him.
It was Fox's humble opinion that he had entirely too much paperwork to be dealing with any of this osik. But he wasn't going to say that in front of the kid he had perched on his shoulders. So instead he followed the guard into the depths of the temple, where the councilors had their own quarters.
General Windu was there, piled up to his ears in datapads and what looked like expenditure reports. He looked a little worse for wear. There was a massive purpling bruise across his face and his arm was in a sling. Tal'ika, however, did not seem to care in the slightest, because the first thing they did was wiggle down from Fox's shoulders and dart to Mace's side to covertly whisper in his ear.
"The Emperor is all in buir's head," they hissed in his ear. "I think you gotta fix it."
"I'm not your buir," Fox said tiredly, for the millionth time. "And there is no Emperor."
"Not yet, anyways," General Windu supplied, and frowned down at the mess that had become of their hair. "You got all the way to the Senate without anyone seeing you?"
"I did!" Tal'ika declared, probably a bit too proudly. "All the way to his office."
"You could have just asked me to call him over, Tal'ika," Windu said tiredly. "We'll be talking about this later. You had the whole temple in shambles trying to find you."
"Well, the temple needs better security," Tal'ima replied boldly, and Windu stared down at them with dead eyes.
"What if someone snatched you?"
"If the temple guards can't even see me when I don't want to be seen, who can grab me?" Tal'ika demanded, and Fox had to wonder just why he was here to deliver a child personally to the Grand Master of the entire karking Order.
"Droids. Droids can grab you, Tal'ika. Please go into the living room. I need to speak to Commander Fox."
Tal'ika's eerily familiar amber eyes turned on Fox, and they pointed at him imperiously.
"This is still a rescue!" They declared in perhaps the most threatening way he had ever heard out of a seven year old child, and then they were stealing away into the living room and leaving Fox alone with the general.
"Sir, I'm not sure why they---" Fox started to say, but Mace cut him off with a wave of his hand.
"No sirs in here. I need to talk to you as a parent."
An awkward silence spilled out, and Fox blinked multiple times as he tried to reason Mace's complexion with the red hair and golden skin of the child. The coloring did not seem right. And the kid was way too damn cute, almost unbearably so, to be Mace Windu's. The temperament was just not something he could ever associate with the general.
"So, Tal'ika seems to have accidentally time traveled to perhaps six to eight years before they were even born, and just confirmed that you are the clone parent we've been looking for. Obi-Wan is perfectly fine with them being raised in the temple as he was, but it would be downright wrong of us to not extend the same offer to you. I know with the war and your current legal status, a child would not be ideal in the slightest, so I'd like to extend the temple's upbringing to Tal'ika until you're in a spot where you have all of the resources to make a decision regarding their future."
Fox stared at Mace, and Mace stared back impassively.
"Of course, this would be after we arrested the Chancellor for crimes against the Republic."
"... Sir."
"Mace, for this topic of conversation. Please."
"Mace."
"Yes, Fox?"
"That was a lot of information. Can we please track back to the time traveling seven year old child that's apparently mine?"
"Of course. Child is a bit of a rocky area, because near as we can tell, they are definitely the product of Kaminoan genetic experimentation, and as for the time traveling... Ah, they were hidden in a Zeppho temple, and the Zeppho did a lot of things with the Force they probably shouldn't have. They're a blend of your DNA and Obi-Wan's, I believe. We were trying to figure out where they got the red hair from... the mutation from your strands makes more sense now."
".... That adorable child that just got through seventeen layers of security and broke into my office is mine?"
Mace's lips twisted only slightly, and then he grimaced, probably at the pain of his swollen face.
"Yes. The adorable child that made my temple guards and your coruscant guards look like amateurs is definitely your child."
Fox wasn't sure if he should be proud or start wondering when the appropriate age to make a child run suicides for punishment was.
Wait. He had a Jedi child?
"... You'll let me make a choice later?" He asked faintly and Mace nodded.
"Yes. Either way, we think it would be in yours and theirs best interest if the protocol regarding family separation was bent a bit. It has been before and ended terribly, but... Well. They spent the first seven years of their life surrounded by vode and not in a temple, and they're extremely well adjusted, all things considered. In fact, I don't think they would be half as well off if they didn't have their, ah, as they call it, bavodu'e, around."
Fox felt like the world had been yanked out from under his feet. All he could do was stare at Mace as he tried to figure out what was left and what was right and what was happening.
".... Arresting the Chancellor for treason?"
"Commander Cody has put together an impressive dossier, and Tal'ika's crechemaster has agreed to let them stay for latemeal. If I pull you from the remainder of your shift today, would you like to look over it over some curry?"
Was Mace offering to let Fox spend time with his child? While plotting a legal coup? Counter coup? What was going on?
"... What kind of curry?"
"Korun curry. Not nearly as spicy as regular Mandalorian cuisine, but Tal'ika likes it."
"... My kid broke out of the Jedi Temple and into the Senate building and you're planning to arrest the Chancellor." He might actually faint.
"Younglings have a lot of opinions and a variety of places where they can put them," Mace said seriously. "Now, Fox, yes or no to latemeal?"
He had a damn kid, and the kid liked Korun curry and speeder bikes.
"... Yes."
"Excellent. Would you like to help with chopping? I've only got one arm until tomorrow, unfortunately."
"... Yes."
"Tal'ika, you can stop eavesdropping!" Mace called, and a head full of red curls popped out from behind the door. Big amber eyes pinned Fox in place, and he stared at this utter gremlin of a child, and wondered just what the hell his life had become.
Fox was a loyal man. He was loyal to the Republic, and he was loyal to the vode, and he was loyal to the Jedi. But none of that... none of that mattered in the face of being loyal to messy braids and big amber eyes and freckles over dark skin.
"If I call you buir again, will you be a weirdo?" They demanded, and Fox blinked, slow and steady.
"If I called you a brat, would you call it child abuse?"
"Yes."
"Then no, I won't be a weirdo."
"Good." And then they marched out with all the self importance of a child who had never once been told to doubt themself, and tiny fingers seized his gloved hand. "You better not have nasty cuticles, too."
... He had no idea what that was about, but stars, he had a kid, and they were perfect, and this was his life now.
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erixyin · 3 years
Text
MLQC Boys as somethings I’ve said to my boyfriend:
Gavin:
“If i commit murder would you rat me out or join me and be my partner in crime?” “... yes”
*falls off the bed* “this is ILLEGAL!”
*gets stuck in a video game* “i dont need help!” *5 minutes later* “i need help!”
“I love you but could you not” [in reference to him changing while im trying to write an essay]
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN CRIMINOLOGY ISNT THE STUDY OF HOW TO BE A CRIMINAL”
*everytime he starts the car* “eheheh vroom vroom”
“SIR I AM CALLING THE POLICE” “you’re the one under arrest”
“What do you mean i cant have chicken nugs for tea again?”
*him walking in and seeing me wearing his hoodie. Looks away and blushes*
“Dry my hair wind!” “The wind accepts his fate”
“Gimme hugs gimme hugs gimme hugs *hugs* yes sweaty hugs”
“Do you think I’d be a good police officer?” “No”
“Im going to the shops!” “You’re wearing just my hoodie and tshirt” “I’m still going to the shops!”
“So then i realised i couldnt go to the GP- OMG DOGGY DOGGY DOGGY DOGGY WHAT A GOOD BOI” [the doggo in question is across the very busy road and is wearing a coat <3]
*gives me head pats* “am cute”
“We could illegally watch the movie...?” “YOU WOULDN’T STEAL A CAR”
Kiro:
*after a lengthy discussion about how i shouldn’t buy it” “ok but hear me out...it has ears”
“I bought 6 packets of laces” “why?” “Because I’ll eat 3 packets by myself”
*going to mcdonalds* “NUGS NUGS NUGS NUGS NUGS NUGS NUGS”
*both of us singing pitch perfect word for word*
🎶 “why can i not spell this word, spell this word, pull this word. Why can i not spell this word FOR AN ENTIRE GODDAMN HOUR” 🎵
“My abs are underneath a layer of squish for warmth through winter” “same!”
“Pay attention to me ;-;” “but but but” “put the doggo down”
“Am burrito” *is a burrtoed into my blanket*
*makes cat hiss noies when trying to steal my nugs* “a violent sushi roll”
*after trying to remember my password for Moshi monsters* “I DID IT IM A HACKER”
*bf does a puzzle that ive been stuck on for 20 minutes* “JESUS CHRIST ITS JASON BOURNE”
*me booping his arms and chest* “squishy and muscle. Squishy and muscle. Squishy and muscle...”
*ordering a takeaway* “LORD AM ABOUT TO BE CHONCCY”
Victor:
“Work is difficult and life is hard” “ill give you a kiss if you finish a paragraph?” “WAIT TEN MINUTES”
“I need moral support for this essay” “it’s 3am?” “As i said i need moral support”
“But can i-“ “no”
“Hear me out you’re cute” “no”
*dying of laughter after putting cat ears on him* “childish”
“There should be a cereal called breaking fast with blue marshmallows in it and sponsored by breaking bad” “... that’s not terrible”
“Why am i a gullible idiot?!” *after 4 games of chess and losing 4 times* “but you’re my cute, gullible idiot”
“Um can i have a coffee ple-“ “no” “but why?” *intense stare* “I’ll have a hot chocolate”
*walking in wearing a suit* “YOU GOT A FINE ASS BOI” *his friend looking at him. Him wanting to bury his head into the void*
*singing off key and drunk* “I’M TOO HOT!” :D :D :D :D “.... hot damn”
*plays chopsticks on the keyboard* “do you wanna be in my band?”
“Law and order again?!” “IT’S EITHER LAW AND ORDER OR SAY YES TO THE DRESS WHAT DO YOU WANT”
“Disney film night!” *deflated sigh*
*in front of his frens in a alt store* “which collar should i get?” *bats eyes innocently*
*wakes me up at 8am* “an UNGODLY time” “no”
Lucien:
*listening to him explain a fish to me* “hehehe puffer fishy be so chonccy”
“I found you this rock!” “Excellent”
*wearing his jacket* “NOODLE ARMS ATTACK” “aaaa so scary”
*puts his hand on my thigh* “NOT IN PUBLIC” “but why?”
“This is my plant Dave the cactus, and this is my plant medusa the snek plant, and this is my plant sam the mini cactus and this is my plant...” *look of adoration*
*drags him away from his laptop to go to bed*
*after talking about trust issues because of my ex* *him: gets up* “where are you going?” ���To commit murder”
*plays with his hair and he purrs*
*hot water bottle on tummy* “i am an egg in pain” “the cutest egg tho”
“DOGGY” “thats a fox dear” “SNEAKY DOGGY”
*having a an in-depth discussion on evolution* *5minutes later* “do you think the T. rex went extinct because he couldnt applaud his friends and died out of sadness?”
*i’ve killed him. He’s dead” “ill get the body bag” “my poor goldfish- WHAT”
*sits next to him wearing a hoodie and thigh highs* “you’re distracting me” “I’m just breathing” “yes”
*going to dance clubs always ends up with me against a wall*
*is wearing a cute bodycon dress with mesh panels* “we’re gonna be home early”
*what do you think of my new fishnets? *runs finger down them* “asmr all the time”
*me feeling insecure* “i think I’ve gained weight” “great then my plan i working! You will be healthy!”
Shaw:
*accidentally walks out of a shop holding a key ring i havent bought* “im a criminal [crying]” “a terrible one too”
*is 3months younger than me* “you’re so old” “you’re the one who looks 5 years older than you are” “take that back!”
“You can’t wear your leather jacket to a formal event” “fucking watch me”
*kisses and dancing in the rain*
“Idiot” *wtaches me splash in all the puddles like a child*
*watches me cry over a tiny snail i found* “i love this you”
“Omg look at this SNALLLL!” “Snail?” “SNALLLLL”
“I have so much debt” “its because all of the McNugs you buy”
“Help me dye my hair?” “Certainly that will be £300” “aaaaa”
“You’re so mean!” “I have to be otherwise you’ll never learn” *talking about watching another episode of game of thrones*
*has to look away for some game of thrones scenes* “a fragile child” “im older than you”
“Can i paint your nails?” “Yeah my masculinity ain’t fragile” “can i paint them holo?” “No”
*cuddling* “you smell” “do you want sex or not” “you smell lovely”
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hanawrites404 · 4 years
Text
Wynne's Diary - Murder with Julian
"Have you heard of Mr. Isadami?" Nadia asked me as we both talked in the salon.
"Oh yes I do know him. He is a merchant who sells fish meat and other seafood. He is one of the most richest merchants of Vesuvia" I stated.
"Well, unfortunately he is dead"
"What??!" My eyes widened and I got tensed up a bit.
"Yes. He was found dead in his own house. His neck was slitted open and so were his wrists. He lived alone and at an isolated area so no one was there to witness the murder. He also didn't have any family" she explained.
"I see.......wait. How do you know that this was a murder?" I asked her.
"Through this" she then shows me a pink card which had a polka-dotted matching bow on it.
"What the fuck is this?" I cringed at the cutesy design.
"A business card.....of a serial killer, that is" Nadia answered.
"A serial killer?? Nadia, don't joke with me" I scoffed.
"I'm serious Wynne. I'm not in the mood of joking at all" She huffed.
"Neither am I, Milady" I crossed my arms and legs.
"You may not know this but she already has killed many important people of Vesuvia without leaving any clues at all except this peculiar card"
"Oh goodness. This killer is surely threatening the peace and safety of Vesuvia" I remarked.
"Exactly. She is degrading our economic development by killing the rich merchants and traders, not to mention that the people of Vesuvia are in danger with a such a person on loose. For rectifying this situation, I would need your help Wynne.
You know every corner of the city. So I want you to find her and capture her as soon as you can" Nadia requested me.
"Of course Madam. I'll do my best to capture this wretch and end this tyranny as soon as possible. You have my word" I stood up and bowed to her.
"Very good. I'm sure that you will be able to do it in one day. You will have to forgive me for rushing you on this"
"Don't worry about it Nadia. I totally understand. You care about the safety of people and we would have to capture this son of a bitch quickly before she ruins anything else. I'll make sure to give her the right punishment for what she has done" I cracked my knuckles.
"I believe in you Wynne. All the best. You may start your hunt right away" Nadia granted me permission.
I nodded and was about to take my leave.........
But then he came.......
"Hello ladies! May I ask what you both were gossiping about?" The red-haired hooligan came barging through the doors like a overly-hyperactive person on too much drugs.
"ここにクソ馬鹿が来る" I rolled my eyes.
"Nothing much, Doctor Devorak. I have assigned Wynne with the arrest of the murderer of Mr. Isadami and she was on her way" Nadia told him and I facepalmed.
Ugh, did she really had to tell him??
"Oh how exciting! May I have the permission to join the lovely blue lady in order to assist her appraisal, Countess?" He takes my hand to kiss it but I pulled away and crossed my arms, looking away from him.
"Of course. I grant you permission"
My eyes torn wide as soon as she completed her sentence. I then quickly turned to her, arguing.
"Nadia how could you?? This man will come inbetween my way!!" I angrily pointed at him.
"The arrest does need a person's assistance who knows about the underworld. If Doctor Devorak is offering you help then you should accept it" Nadia defended.
"Why are you taking his side?!! You already know that he is chaotic and disastrous and would mess things up!!" I snarled.
"Go easy on him, will you? He must have changed a bit after the last masquerade"
"Changed a bit?! You gotta be kidding me. He is still, the fucking, same!! Why don't you understand??" I placed my hands on my hips.
"Oh come on Ocean Head, I am not that ba--"
"YOU BETTER SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!" I roared at him, and he whimpered back like a sad puppy.
"It's an order Wynne. You like it or not, Doctor Devorak is coming with you and you will not deny his contribution to the investigation" she commanded.
From the corner of my eye, I see Julian smirking at me cockily. This irritated me even more.
"I....This is just......Goodness I will........UGH fine!! But don't expect me to tolerate him all the time" I finally gave up.
"Of course. Just don't be at his throat all the time" she replied dismissively.
"I will try my best" I glared at the smirking idiot.
"Good. You both are free to leave. Do share the information I gave you with Doctor Devorak so that he too could work on it" Nadia added.
"Yes madam" I bowed to her one last time and then took hold of Julian's hand to drag him out of the salon.
"So what's your plan Ocean Head??" Julian asked me.
"The guards have investigated the crime scene already. And according to them, the murder was conducted by a serial killer. And it was done so perfectly that the killer left no flaws for us as clues, which makes her a professional" I told him.
"Wait, a professional female killer?! Now that's hot. Very very hot" he smirked and I glared at him.
"This is why I really wanted to refuse Nadia from letting you 'help' me" I told him, putting the word inside quotation marks with my hands.
"Oh my, I am so sorry Honey. I didn't know that you would get jealous so easily" he then wrapped his arm around my waist but I pushed it off me.
"Don't touch me, and I am not jealous" I replied harshly.
But why were my cheeks heating?? It's not that I was really jealous or anything.......
"Alright Sweetheart. But do remember that you are the best one in my eyes" he nudged me with his elbow.
"Whatever" I rolled my eyes and sighed, shaking my head.
"So shall we make some haste, Detective Wynne? The countess sure is desperate to get rid of such a dangerous killer and it's better to not make her wait any more longer" He held my hand, but this time I didn't push him off.
I squeezed his gloved hand gently as I gave him a slight smile, which somehow was enough to turn his cheeks red and look away. He truly was adorable sometimes.
"Yes Sir" I replied to him. He then hesitantly kissed my hand, afraid that I might attack him. But I didn't and blushed pink instead.
It looked like he was really satisfied with my reaction as he smirked at me again, brushing his finger along my cheek.
"You are so beautiful. No one can ever rival your beauty" he complimented me.
"Shut up already. There are many prettier girls than myself. Now let's not waste our time" I started to walk, my hand still holding onto his.
"Whatever you say, My Dear. But you still are the prettiest" he kissed my head.
"Shut up before I push you into the thorny bushes"
"Oh my my. Sorry Ms. Detective"
"Whatever"
................................🍋...................................
"Are you really sure about this idea, Julian?" I asked him.
"Do have faith in me, Ocean Head. We both will kill this!" He winked at me enthusiastically.
"Oh Gods, please tell me that you are overexaggerating and not going to actually murder" I eyed him.
"Oh of course not Sweet. I was referring to it as a locution. I won't cause you any trouble at all" he brushed one of the strands of my hair behind my ear.
"I-I......Fine......yes....alright then" I nodded, and Julian smiled at me.
If you don't know what is going on, then allow me to tell you.
We both were at the Rowdy Raven. The place where many people from the underworld spend their leisure at. Well, that's what Julian says.
We got to know that the serial killer whom we were looking for loves to spend her free time at the Rowdy Raven (Julian literally had to sell his underwear at the red market to get this information), so there was a high chance she was going to come her to have a drink. And so we were waiting for her.
"So what you are proposing is that you will approach the girl, flirt with her and then take her to an isolated place while I follow both of you without getting spotted. And as you keep her distracted, I will finally come out of my hiding place and sabotage her. Correct?"
"Absolutely" he nodded.
"Hmmmm....sounds good. Hopefully this plan of yours work well".
"Of course it will work. I have a lot of experience in distracting people. You just have to distractingly attractive for it" he smirked sexily.
"Sure" I shrugged, not being really interested in getting an advice on how to seduce.
Suddenly I feel someone entering the Raven and there was a girl with long and bright blonde hair wearing a pink dress which would hurt your eyes as it had too much of the colour.
But then I noticed something eye-catching. It was the enormous bow on her head, and I shook Julian's shoulder as soon as I realised something very important.
"Julian.....that's her. She is the one we are looking for. The bow on the card and on her head match. She has to be the one who killed Mr. Isadami" I told him while pointing at the girl.
"Oh I see. She is cute, not going to lie. Too cute for a killer" Julian rubbed his chin.
"True. I bet her attire is just for fooling the people in thinking that she is a harmless girl" I commented.
"True" Julian nodded.
I then sighed and turned to him, patting his shoulder.
"Let's get this over with. Do be careful alright? We don't know how dangerous she can really be" I warned him.
Julian nods at me and goes to the girl, while I kept watch of every single thing they were doing.
Honestly speaking, Julian was giving the her the time of her life. I could see her smiling and laughing with him and also having drinks. She wasn't suspicious of how Julian came out of nowhere to befriend her.
And fortunately, soon came the time that Julian led her outside to the isolated backside of the Raven and I followed them.
I stayed under the shadowed area and looked at the two. Julian had her pinned against the wall and the girl's face was flushed pink and was smirking like an idiot because of too much alcohol.
I was comparatively closer to both of them so I could hear what the girl was talking about. She said :
"Those innocent faces covered in blood, they make me so happy. Their eyes gauged out and their tongues cut off, truly bewitching. And their wails are like music to my ears. They are a true work of art.
Killing children is what I enjoy the most........."
This made thick adrenaline rush through every inch of my body and fill me with boiling rage. My hands shook violently and my mind was almost in the verge of losing sanity.
'Kill.......Kill......Kill.......' was all that my mind could say, and I obeyed it with full diligence as the next thing I did was form an ice dagger which was sharpened already due to fury flowing through my veins and threw straight at the killer's forehead with full force.
Blood splattered all over the wall behind her.
"СВЯТОЙ ЕБАТЬ !!!" Julian stumbled back, cursing from fear and astonishment.
I ignored him and walked straight at her, another dagger ready in my hand. I held her now limp body against the wall and kept stabbing her wherever I could plunge my knife through, ensuring to exert as much force and anger as I could on her.
There was blood everywhere on me and I was enjoying it making it spash on myself.
"Oh god...... Wynne...."
As soon as I heard his shaky voice, I stopped. I let the body fall on the floor and I turned to look at Julian, my face expressionless.
He was dumbfounded and got as pale as a ghost. There was terror, shock and disbelief in his eyes.
"Wynne....I......" He approached me slowly, reaching out to me.
My breathing got quicker and I threw my knife away. I backed away from him as soon as I realised what I had done.
I was turning into a monster again.........
"No.....stay away from me" I backed up against the wall.
"Wynne it's alright. I am not going to hurt you" he still moved towards me.
"I-It's not about hurting me Julian. It's about me hurting you. I have become a monster yet again. My anger is getting out of control, and I'm afraid that you too might get killed because of me and I.......I.......I cannot afford to lose you"
Julian said nothing but wrapped his arms around me, embracing me tight.
I was surprised a bit, but then I too hugged him back.
"You are not a monster Wynne. Don't ever say that. You are a hero. You protected Vesuvia when the people needed you and you did it again by ending a killer's life.
Honestly saying, I would never be as brave as you have ever been Ocean Head. And I love you for that. So don't ever call yourself a monster alright??" He locked his eyes with mine.
"B-But--"
"No buts. You are perfect as you are and don't you dare ever change yourself because you see, I have fallen for a Wynne who is grumpy and serious, and I only want her" he grinned.
This put a smile on my face too as I chuckled while shaking my head.
"You too idiot. Never ever stop being a total moron" I pinched his cheek.
He giggled and pecked my lips, making me blush the reddest.
"I love you Winnie" he leaned his forehead with mine.
"I love you too Jules" I confessed.
He then smirked and started to take off my dress.
"W-What the??"
"You do owe me for scaring me with that sudden attack. And I'm going to be harsh on you" he told me as he removed my corset.
"Of course. I do have to compensate" I smirked back and started to remove his shirt.
"You are on, Wynne Toprak" he then lifted me up against the wall and started kissing me roughly, squeezing my thighs.
The dead body lying near us improved the ambience even more for us to make love in the out shamelessly, because that's how we were and I loved it.
The end.......
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crackedoutgiraffe · 4 years
Text
The Stars in Your Eyes
THIS IS PART 2 OF TO THE MOON AND BACK
Part 2: Chapter 1 Part 2: Chapter 2
A/N: I’m thinking of starting a one-shot “series” based off of songs, send me a message with any songs you want to see!
Warnings: Fluff
Word Count: 4,898
9/30/2015
A string of murders across the country led Hotch to tell Rossi and Morgan to fly out to Seattle to investigate. The victims had peculiar face paint when they were found.
Reid was at his desk reading books insanely fast when you both noticed Hotch and Garcia enter the bullpen. He gave you a look telling you to follow him. You both stood from your desks and made your way to the conference room.
“Is it the same unsub?” you asked as you and Reid rushed in.
Rossi was looking over some files when you entered, “yeah.”
“Two murders on two coasts in two days,” Morgan flipped the pages in front of him. “This guy is on a mission and he’s not going to rest until he completes it.
Hotch entered on the tail-end of Morgan’s thought, “neither will we.”
“But we’re still down two profilers,” Garcia looked around the room with a sour look on her face. JJ was on maternity leave and Kate quit.
“Our six brains against his one,” Rossi pulled out a chair and sat down.
“Everyone take a few minutes to review the case and we'll meet back in 20 minutes,” Hotch grabbed one of the files from the table and left. The rest of you followed in his footsteps, grabbing files and leaving the room.
Reid went to sit at his desk and you sat on the floor next to it. For some reason, you always worked better on the floor than at a desk. The twenty minutes flew by and you all returned to the conference room.
“We know for a fact that victim number one was bound and gagged,” Morgan read a page of the file, “but it doesn’t look like number two was.”
“Windows in both residences were tampered with,” Reid noted.
“So he knows how to get in and out undetected,” you finished his thought for him.
Garcia piped up, “ok, so that’s impressive because aluminum foil is super crinkly.” The team looked at each other with different looks of confusion. “I’m sorry, I’m not a profiler, I’m trying my best.”
“No, it’s a fair point,” Rossi leaned forward in his chair. “He snuck up on a tweaker who probably hadn't slept in a couple of days.”
“M.O. said this guy is good at hunting,” you leaned back in your chair.
Hotch flipped through the pages with a confused look on his face, “Cause of death?”
“Cardiac arrest, but Dr. Mertz in the crime lab can’t pin down how,” Morgan sighed and rested his face in his hands.
“He might hide it under the face paint,” you held your hand out to Reid under the table. “What we’re assuming is a ritual might be a forensic countermeasure,” Reid interlocked his fingers with yours.
“What do we know about the face paint?” Rossi asked.
“Traditional greasepaint used by clowns,” Reid like to talk with his hands so he had to let go of yours, “but, applied to resemble a Pulcinella.”
Garcia pulled her phone out, “ok, I totally know what that is, but I’m going to google it in case someone doesn’t.”
“Sorry,” Reid leaned forward. “The clown archetype that we recognize today actually dates back to a 16th-century stage tradition called commedia dell’arte, where actors wore masks to resemble their characters. The Pulcinella was a trickster character, usually without a voice. He used a horn to make funny noises.”
“Maybe the victims tricked him, and he’s remaking them in death how e saw them in life,” Rossi added.
“So this is a vendetta by the unsub and not a compulsion,” Hotch’s phone started to ring as he finished his sentence.
“It’s gonna make this guy really hard to profile,” you sighed.
Hotch picked up his phone, “Alright, Dave, keep working on victimology. Morgan, stay on the M.O. Reid and Y/N, dig deeper into the ritual. I’ll be right back.” He stood from the table and left the room. You figured he had to talk to some of the applicants to replace Kate.
The group of you left the room. Morgan headed to the crime lab. You grabbed a map from down the hall for Reid to work on. When you wheeled it back into t bullpen Rossi and Reid were already hard at work.
“Thank you,” Reid gave you a quick kiss on the cheek before grabbing a marker. Rossi stood up and opened the file in his hand, “well this doesn’t clear up much. Vic number one was a divorced dad who got custody of his kids.”
“And two was the local drug supplier,” Reid paced in front of the whiteboard.
“What connects these guys?” You sat on Reid’s desk.
Rossi sighed, “nothing.”
“And we would never have made the connection if it weren’t for the face paint,” Reid looked incredibly confused. “Which begs the question, why do it at all?”
“To taunt us, feel superior,” you added.
“It’s obviously a message,” Spence started to rummage around his desk. “My assumption is has something to do with the mouth.” He picked up the book that was next to you and flipped to a seemingly random page. “Look at this,” he showed Rossi a picture from the book, “the colors of the Pulcinella are oddly inverted. Traditionally the character has a black face and a white jaw, he’s painting it the other way around.”
“You said that this character was the precursor to today’s clown because he couldn’t speak, right?” you hopped off the desk and stood next to him.
“Yeah that’s right,” he glanced at you.
“So he was also the first mime, too,” you pointed at a few of the pictures of the board.
Reid turned to look at you, “very much so, which means he himself might have an injury to the jaw.”
Morgan came into the room and joined the three of you, “our unsub can’t eat solid food.”
“How do you know?” you turned to him with a look of confusion.
“Dr. Mertz found a nutritional supplement in the stomachs of the victims,” he pointed to the board, “what have you guys figured out?”
“Y/N, can you get Hotch and Garcia, I think I know what’s happening,” Reid grabbed a few papers and books from his desk and went to the conference room.
You did as he asked and got Hotch and Garcia to go to the conference room. When they got there Reid was standing at the front of the room while Morgan and Rossi were sitting.
“What is it, Reid?” Hotch sat down in the chair next to Reid.
“The unsub has a feeding port in his stomach,” he said such a gross sentence very nonchalantly.
“He has a feeding port in his stomach?” Garcia looked disgusted.
“The nutritional supplement that Dr. Mertz found in both victims would be ideal for someone who couldn’t eat normally,” he was very cute when he talked with his hands. “So if the unsub sustained an injury to the jaw, it would also suggest that he is unable to speak.”
“Hence the Pulcinella mask,” Rossi leaned back in his chair. “It’s his way of communicating.”
Garcia was listening very intently, “what is he trying to say?”
“Well let’s work our way back to that based on what we know,” Morgan picked up the file in front of him. “We know this guy travels thousands of miles in two days. So he probably doesn’t sleep. He’s able to sneak into a suburban house or a drug den undetected. He overwhelms his victims silently and then injects them, and then as they lay there dying over the course of an hour, he simply sits over them and leaves them a highly symbolic message, but it’s a precise message. His victims are seizing up right in front of him, but this guy does not miss a brushstroke. This is a man who’s been around death before. It doesn’t faze him. Who else would leave this type of message?”
“Drug cartels,” Reid’s face lit up. “Cutting the tongues out of snitches and the hands off of thieves.”
“The mafia,” Rossi leaned back, “sleeping with the fishes and all that.”
“Oh my god,” you picked up your file, “he’s a hitman,” the team shot you confused looks. “Think about it only a contract killer could be this good.”
Morgan nodded, “his message isn’t for us, it’s for his customers.” With this final revelation, everyone sighed.
There was a knock at the door behind you. You turned around to see Anderson standing with a file in his hand, “Sir, they discovered a new body.”
“Thank you, Anderson,” Hotch followed Anderson out of the room.
You leaned back in your chair, “do you guys want to go get lunch?” Everyone agreed except for Garcia who had to help dig up for information on the newest victim.
Once Garcia left you all quickly decided on a restaurant and piled into your car. You got to the restaurant and enjoyed an incredibly normal meal for your insane life. Rossi paid and you all made your way back to the BAU. As you pulled in Rossi got a call from Hotch saying that we are ready to give the profile. The four of you made your way upstairs and to the bullpen. Hotch got you caught up on the new information. The group of prospective agents was called in and you all prepared to deliver the profile.
“The unsub that we're looking for is a contract killer who is doubling back to kill his former customers,” Morgan started. “This man is highly skilled and well-trained. Under no circumstances should he be engaged without back-up.”
“So is this a case of organized crime tying up loose ends?” one of the agents asked.
“Organized crime's got nothing to do with this, at least not in the traditional sense,” Rossi warned
You could see the gears turning in Reid’s head, “in 2013, the Bureau took down the Silk Road network. Our initial assumption was that it was an encrypted online market for illegal drugs, which it was, but upon further inspection, we were stunned at the breadth of goods and services being traded online. Weapons, child porn, even hitmen.”
“And the payment scheme was escrow based, in which the buyer would put down half as a deposit and the other half when the seller delivered,” you clarified. “We've now confirmed that all 3 victims hired the unsub over the past year through a similar escrow system.”
“So why is he killing his old clients?” the same recruit asked.
“Hitmen
don't leave a message unless you pay them to,” Rossi always had an answer. “The exception is to leave a warning for customers or competitors.”
“This unsub suffered some sort of injury to his jaw or voice, most likely as a result of something these customers did,” Reid said. “The Pulcinella mask is his statement on revenge and justice-- betray the oath between customer and contractor and you pay the price.”
“Now, normally a man with this kind of defect would attract attention,” Morgan started. “The fact that he hasn't indicates that he has deep pockets and a network of resources at his disposal.”
“Share this profile with your local divisions and with law enforcement. Search for escrow payments to match the unsub to his clients. One of those clients will be his next target. Thank you,” Hotch finished. With that, all of the starry-eyed recruits fled from the bullpen.
Morgan and Garcia fled the room as well, leaving you and Reid to fend for your selves. The two of you sat at your desks for an hour without saying a word. You eventually got up from your desk and went to sit by him. You sat on the floor and rested your head on his lap. He used one hand to flip through the pages of his book and the other to pet your hair. You felt your eyes starting to close when Morgan and Garcia frantically ran into the room.
“We found the next victim,” Morgan held up a piece of paper. Hotch and Rossi came down from their offices, you and Reid both stood up and went to meet them.
“Name and location?” Hotch said as the five of you rushed to the elevator.
Garcia waved her phone at you, “already sent.”
The doors of the elevator closed on a smiling Garcia. You all quickly jumped into your SUV’s and drove to the beat-up garage in Baltimore. Hotch told you that there wasn’t going to be much time to get ready hen you got there, so you had to get your vests on now. Reid and Morgan put theirs on while you kept your eyes on the road. When they were done, Reid helped you squeeze into yours while keeping at least one hand on the wheel.
You pulled into a parking lot with ten cop cars and two SWAT units. Morgan quickly sought out the SWAT team captain to coordinate your entry “how do you want to do this captain?” You all shook the captain’s hand.
“We’ll breach and clear,” he pointed to the building behind him. “When it’s locked down, the site is yours. Sound good?”
You all nodded in agreement. The captain started to walk back toward his team and you all followed, drawing your weapons. The SWAT team threw the doors to the garage open and worked there way inside, “Police!” one of them yelled.
“Don’t shoot, do not shoot,” a voice called out from behind a car.
The captain found the car and raised his weapon, “come out with your hands up!”
“That’s gonna be real hard, real hard,” the voice yelled. “Look!”
You were the first to go around the car to see what was happening, “Morgan, get everyone out of here,” you holstered your gun and looked back at Morgan with a worried look on your face.
“What is it?” Reid furrowed his brow and moved closer to you. “Grenade!” he shouted when he finally saw what you were staring at.
The SWAT team started to yell at him to drop it but he yelled that he couldn’t.
“Put your weapons down!” Reid lowered his gun and approached him, “you mean that literally, you literally can’t drop it.”
“Yeah,” his temper was short.
“What’d he use? What’d he use?” Morgan repeated with more ferocity each time.
The man nodded his head toward the cart next to him, “over there.”
“It’s dried and set,” Reid was holding the man’s hands in his own, “he glued over the pin-hole.”
“Do you have any acetone?” you knelt down at his side to examine it yourself.
“That won’t work, that won’t work,” the victim kept repeating this to Reid over and over.
Morgan picked up the bottle the man gestured to, “Y/N, he’s right. It’s an industrial acrylic. It holds car parts together.” The SWAT team was leaving to set up a perimeter but you four were going to stay.
“Look, you gotta do something, ok?” the man kept pushing his hands closer to you.
You tried your best to stay as calm as possible, “we’re going to do everything we can.” Reid was frantically looking around for a solution.
“My hand is cramping, just do something, all right?” the man yelled at you this time.
“Y/N, four cars,” Reid was still looking around the room.
“Each car has a battery, right?” you stood up and looked at him. “Each battery has an electrolyte solution of 62% water, 38% sulfuric acid.”
“Y/N, that won’t work,” Morgan sighed.
“Why not?” Rossi was definitely confused at this point.
“Because the acrylic will still stay bonded to the metal,” Morgan grabbed the man’s hands to help keep them still.
“Absolutely true, but it will also create a saponification effect on his flesh,” Reid explained. “The grenade will literally slide out of his hand like a wet bar of soap.”
“Of course, there will be an intense burning sensation on the skin, and the smell will be horrendous,” you pointed out.
“You can't--you're not burning my hands! You're not gonna do it!” he shouted \.
Stay still!” Morgan shouted back
“Hey, listen, pal. We have two geniuses working to save you so just shut up,” Rossi said sternly.
Reid ran to find a turkey baster and quickly got some of the solution from the batteries. You, Morgan, and Rossi all put on gloves to protect your hands.
“Sit down,” Morgan snapped at the man.
“This is gonna hurt, but you'll survive. Is everybody ready?” Reid came to meet you with the solution.
“Yeah,” you were the one tasked with grabbing the grenade as it slid out of his hands. “Just watch your aim. All right, my hand's on the lever.” Reid started to dispense the solution on his hands. It was difficult to listen to the man screaming, but you knew it was for the best. After a while, the man’s hands detached from the grenade and it slid right into your hands, “I’ve got it,” you shouted.
Morgan wrapped his hands in a towel and tried to soak up the acid, “Are we safe Rossi?”
Rossi examined the miniature bomb in your hands, “yeah the lever’s st-” he paused, then you heard it. The click that it was armed. “Run!” Rossi shouted.
Your instincts took over, you threw the grenade as far as you could and high tailed it out of there. Right as you ran through the door you heard the explosion. The five of you ducked behind a police car and covered your heads.
“You guys ok? Anyone hurt?” Reid asked as everything settled down. “You ok?” he asked while wrapping you in a hug.
“I’m fine,” your breathing was heavy but that you were fine.
Rossi grabbed the man you just saved from being blown up and shoved him in the back of a police car. The rest of you hopped into your SUV and headed back to Quantico. Morgan grabbed the ‘victim’ and dragged him to an interrogation room.
Before you went to your desk, you took a trip to the bathroom to clean yourself up a bit. You were splashing some of the cold water onto your skin when you saw Reid walk in.
“Are you okay?” he had worry in his eyes and on his face.
You turned around and leaned against the sink, “I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not,” he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a tight hug.
“I’m not,” you sobbed into his shoulder. “I don’t want to live without you.”
“You’ll never have to,” he placed a soft kiss on the top of your head. The two of you stayed like that for well over an hour. Morgan texted you to come to the bullpen right away. You cleaned up your tears, grabbed Reid’s hand, and made your exit.
“Ok, so, a week ago, this guy stumbles into the Atlantic City E.R.,  having been shot in the jaw,” Garcia started as you walked into the bullpen. “Can't give them his name 'cause of the whole shot in the mouth thing. But his fingerprints lit up the Rome police database like a Christmas tree.” “Italian,” Rossi interjected. “That explains the pulcinella influence.”
“Yeah. They were able to get a name-- Giuseppe Montolo, but by the time Jersey P.D. got there, Montolo had been patched up and made his escape,” Garcia finished.
“And now he's on some type of payback gig,” Morgan started. “He has no idea who double-crossed him, so now he's killing every customer that he suspects might have done it.”
“I tried to use Al's username and password to flush out other clients, but they don’t call it the Darknet for nothing,” Garcia seemed distraught that she couldn’t anything.
“Then we let it go,” you chimed. “We're not going to catch him that way.”
“What other way is there?” Garcia asked.
“Montolo changed his M.O. drastically with the last victim,” Hotch pointed out. “He went from up close and personal to collateral damage. Al blows himself up or we kill him. Either way, it's a win-win.”
“If he made that dramatic a shift, it was a mistake,” Reid noted. “That's how we catch him.”
“All right, then let's do this old school,” Rossi stood from his seat. “Morgan, you took Al’s confession. Walk us through it like you're the unsub.”
“I got my victim on the ground, and I have the syringe in my hand,” Morgan started to walk around the room. “I have total control over him. This is my moment. I'm gonna make him pay for what he did. But Al said he got a text. I don't like what I see. Now I have to change my plan. What was on that text?”
“Someone tipped him off,” you shook your head. “He wouldn't deviate that much otherwise.”
“But that would mean that,” Garcia paused.
Hotch nodded, “we have a mole.”
“There's a lot of new faces around here want to join the BAU,” Rossi looked around the room at the people hanging around.
“I don't think it's a federal agent,” Reid narrowed his eyebrows. “I think it's someone in local law enforcement.”
“Based on what?” you turned to face him.
“The clock,” Reid pointed to a clock hanging on the wall across from him. “According to Al, the unsub left 5 minutes before we showed up. That's a narrow window. Too narrow for him to wait around for an embolism, but he had to figure out a way to deal with his last victim. Montolo changed his M.O. at the last moment because he learned about us at the last moment.”
“So the last on to hear the cavalry was coming is the Judas,” Rossi nodded. “That means a local cop.”
“Or SWAT. You said Wilson pulled his men off the scene?” Hotch asked.
“He said he wanted to box the unsub in,” Rossi reminded. “But maybe he really wanted to ensure he got out.”
“We profiled that the unsub would have support and resources,” you pointed out. “An ally in SWAT would give him both.”
Morgan sighed, “we go after a captain, we need more than a profile, we need proof.”
“The security perimeter they set up, they would have recorded every license plate-- Garcia,” Hotch turned to the perky blonde.
She rushed over to the laptop she had set-up, “yes, sir. Ok. Cross-referencing last name Wilson. Uh, ok. I got a Ford Taurus. It is registered to Betty Wilson, wife of Captain Phil Wilson.”
“Quite a plan these 3 have,” you scoffed. “He waved his own wife through the checkpoint. And she secured the hit man's escape.”
“Montolo has them both working under duress,” Morgan shook his head. “Wilson has to be a customer.”
“Which means he's also a target,” Hotch sighed. “Dave, you get to the wife’s house.”
Rossi quickly got up and headed for the elevator. Within 20 minutes he called saying that Montolo had taken Phil. Hotch sent Reid and Morgan to drive around until we can get them an address. Garcia ran to grab some equipment that Hotch needed to call Phil.
“You ready?” Hotch asked Garcia, who was setting up the phone call.
She connected aa wire and started to type on her computer, “Almost. Setting up caller I.D. Spoofing and... Dialing.”
Hotch turned to you and handed you the phone, “ok, all you have to say is, ‘It's me. Can you talk?’ And I'll take it from there.”
You held the phone to your ear and tried to change your voice a little, “It’s me, can you talk.”
“Yeah,” you could hear the shakiness in his voice.
You handed the phone to Hotch, “not on speaker,” you whispered.
“Captain, this is Aaron Hotchner with the FBI. We're going to get you out of this. Just drive normally and follow my prompts. Can you talk? Yes, it's fine, or not right now. Did you enter the address in the map apps on your phone? We're getting the address from your phone, sir. My team is going to beat you there. You're gonna drive him straight to us. Sir, you are the last errand. He's going to kill you.” Hotch shortly set the phone down. You all waited around and held your breath waiting for a call from Morgan. Rossi had called Hotch and left his phone on so we could hear his conversation with the wife.
“3 years ago, I had two miscarriages, back to back, just like that,” you could hear a crying woman. My O.B. prescribed painkillers, and after a while... My...dealer wanted me to do things. He wouldn't leave me alone. That's when I read about Silk Road. I could buy the drugs anonymously, and... And more than that. I kept it all a secret until he showed up at our door. Then I didn't have a choice. When I told Phil... He said he still loved me. God, I'm so sorry.”
“You get all that?” Rossi asked.
“Yeah,” Hotch answered. “Relay that to Morgan and Reid. As soon as Montolo lands, he's gonna kill Wilson. There'll be no time to intercept or talk him down.” As Hotch was talking, you noticed he was staring at one of the new recruits.
Shortly after Rossi hung up, the phone started to ring in the bullpen, “oh, dear, Captain Wilson is calling us, he’s calling home,” Garcia said as she saw the caller ID.
“I can try to fake it,” you stuttered to Hotch.
“All right, everyone quiet,” Hotch announced. “Stay off your phones. No one makes a sound. Lewis, you're up,” a pretty black woman started to approach the desk you had set-up at.
“H-hello?” She picked up the phone. “What is it? Is everything ok?”
“Hotch,” you heard Morgan’s voice through your earpiece. “He just landed.”
“Phil?” She continued. “Just do what you need to do and get home, ok? Sweetie, I can hear it in your voice. What is it?”
“Morgan, do you have a shot?” Hotch asked.
“Do you have a visual?” you assumed Morgan asked one of their SWAT members. “Hotch, this is negative. Wilson's in the way.”
“Honey, talk to me, baby,” the new agent was really good. “Tell me where your head is at. I know. I'm so, so sorry about all of it, but just keep your head down and we'll get through this. Ok? Do you hear me, baby? Just keep your head down.” You saw both Hotch and the new agent pull the phone away from their faces. The new agent set the phone back on the receiver.
“What happened?” you asked.
Hotch set his headphones down, “someone fired.” You hated this part of the job. You weren’t able to know who was shot and who was shooting, for all you knew Reid could have been laying a puddle of his own blood.
You waited in agony for a few minutes before Garcia’s phone started to ring, “It's Reid,” she answered the phone. Reid, what happened? What happened? What happened?”
We got both of them,” you heard Reid over the phone and let out a long sigh of relief. “Alive.”
“Yes!” Garcia practically screamed.
“Good work,” Hotch smiling was a nice sight to see. “We'll see you back here.”
“Look, I just want to say, even if I don't get the position that this was the best job interview ever,” the new agent was smiling from ear to ear.
“Penelope Garcia,” Garcia stretched her hand out to the new agent. “You're marvelous. She's marvelous.”
“I’m Dr. Y/N Reid,” you went to shake her hand.
“Reid?” she furrowed her brow. “Are you and that other agent siblings?”
“We’re married actually,” you gave her a warm smile.
“Agent Lewis,” Hotch interrupted. “I believe I asked you to wait and that was about 36 hours ago.”
“It was completely worth it,” Agent Lewis was still smiling.
“Maybe we could have that sit-down now?” Hotch asked.
“Yes, 2 a.m. is my jam,” she started to walk toward Hotch’s office. You turned around and started to pack your stuff up. You hadn’t even realized it was that late.
“Sir?” Garcia stopped him.
Hotch turned around to face Garcia, “Yes.”
“Do I have to organize the other applicants to follow her?” Garcia whispered.
Hotch smiled, “no, you can tell them the position's been filled.”
You liked agent Lewis and smiled at Hotch’s answer. The two of them went to his office and closed the door. Garcia grabbed her equipment and headed back to her office.
The bullpen was quiet, which is an odd sight. You laid your head down on your desk and closed your eyes. You made a promise with yourself that you wouldn’t fall asleep. Unfortunately, you were woken up by Reid who was crouching by your side and playing with your hair.
“Let’s go home,” he smiled at you when he saw your eyes open.
You yawned, “please.” Standing from your seat you grabbed your car keys from your pocket.
Reid grabbed the keys from your hand as you got to the elevator, “I’m driving,” he smirked. You pouted at his chivalry.
When you got to the car you snuggled into your seatbelt to try and fall asleep again, “I love you,” you whispered as you fell asleep. Before you were knocked out you heard a small scoff and an ‘I love you too.’
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