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makerof150papermasks · 6 years

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Hamlet Mariofied Act 1 Scene 5

Boldened names refer to the Mario characters playing the roles. The character role names remain in the context of the play and its dialogue.

Mario = Hamlet

Donkey Kong = Ghost

Luigi = Horatio

Yoshi = Marcellus

Act I, Scene 5

Elsinore. The Castle. Another part of the fortifications.

Enter Donkey Kong and Mario, set to the level start jingle from the Donkey Kong arcade game.

Mario. Whither wilt thou lead me? Speak! I'll go no further.

DK. Mark me.

Hamlet. I will.

Donkey Kong. My hour is almost come,

When I to sulph'rous and tormenting flames

Must render up myself.

Mario. Alas, poor ghost!

DK. Pity me not, but lend thy serious hearing

To what I shall unfold.

Mario. Speak. I am bound to hear.

DK. So art thou to revenge, when thou shalt hear.

Mario. What?

DK. I am thy father's spirit,

Doom'd for a certain term to walk the night,

And for the day confin'd to fast in fires,

Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature

Are burnt and purg'd away. But that I am forbid

To tell the secrets of my prison house,

I could a tale unfold whose lightest word

Would harrow up thy soul, freeze thy young blood,

Make thy two eyes, like stars, start from their spheres,

Thy knotted and combined locks to part,

And each particular hair to stand on end

Like quills upon the fretful porcupine.

But this eternal blazon must not be

To ears of flesh and blood. List, list, O, list!

If thou didst ever thy dear father love-

Mario. O God!

DK. Revenge his foul and most unnatural murther.

Mario. Murther?

DK. Murther most foul, as in the best it is;

But this most foul, strange, and unnatural.

Mario. Haste me to know't, that I, with wings as swift

As meditation or the thoughts of love,

May sweep to my revenge.

DK. I find thee apt;

And duller shouldst thou be than the fat weed

That rots itself in ease on Lethe wharf,

Wouldst thou not stir in this. Now, Hamlet, hear.

'Tis given out that, sleeping in my orchard,

A serpent stung me. So the whole ear of Denmark

Is by a forged process of my death

Rankly abus'd. But know, thou noble youth,

The serpent that did sting thy father's life

Now wears his crown.

Mario. O my prophetic soul!

My uncle?

DK. Ay, that incestuous, that adulterate beast, (Flashback begins of Donkey Kong and Bowser sitting against the Cheep-chomp fountain in front of the castle)

With witchcraft of his wit, with traitorous gifts-

O wicked wit and gifts, that have the power

So to seduce!- won to his shameful lust

The will of my most seeming-virtuous queen.

O Hamlet, what a falling-off was there, (Continuing with the flashback, Bowser reaches into his shell and grabs a banana tainted with Bowser Jr’s paint goop, then turns to hand the gift to a hapless Donkey Kong)

From me, whose love was of that dignity

That it went hand in hand even with the vow

I made to her in marriage, and to decline

Upon a wretch whose natural gifts were poor

To those of mine!

But virtue, as it never will be mov'd,

Though lewdness court it in a shape of heaven,

So lust, though to a radiant angel link'd,

Will sate itself in a celestial bed

And prey on garbage. (As Donkey Kong proceeds to stomach the banana Bowser lent him, a tremor quakes within, causing the then-king to begin exhaling swoopin’ stus and a towering black Polluted Piranha before falling to his death)

But soft! methinks I scent the morning air.

Brief let me be. Sleeping within my orchard,

My custom always of the afternoon,

Upon my secure hour thy uncle stole,

With juice of cursed hebona in a vial,

And in the porches of my ears did pour

The leperous distilment; whose effect

Holds such an enmity with blood of man

That swift as quicksilver it courses through

The natural gates and alleys of the body,

And with a sudden vigour it doth posset

And curd, like eager droppings into milk,

The thin and wholesome blood. So did it mine;

And a most instant tetter bark'd about,

Most lazar-like, with vile and loathsome crust

All my smooth body.

Thus was I, sleeping, by a brother's hand

Of life, of crown, of queen, at once dispatch'd;

Cut off even in the blossoms of my sin,

Unhous'led, disappointed, unanel'd,

No reckoning made, but sent to my account (After extinguishing the grime expelled by the now-deceased Donkey Kong, Bowser crouches by the body to appear as though he mourns, thus ending the flashback)

With all my imperfections on my head.

Mario. O, horrible! O, horrible! most horrible!

DK. If thou hast nature in thee, bear it not.

Let not the royal bed of Denmark be

A couch for luxury and damned incest.

But, howsoever thou pursuest this act,

Taint not thy mind, nor let thy soul contrive

Against thy mother aught. Leave her to heaven,

And to those thorns that in her bosom lodge

To prick and sting her. Fare thee well at once.

The glowworm shows the matin to be near

And gins to pale his uneffectual fire.

Adieu, adieu, adieu! Remember me. Exit.

Mario. O all you host of heaven! O earth! What else?

And shall I couple hell? Hold, hold, my heart!

And you, my sinews, grow not instant old,

But bear me stiffly up. Remember thee?

Ay, thou poor ghost, while memory holds a seat

In this distracted globe. Remember thee?

Yea, from the table of my memory

I'll wipe away all trivial fond records,

All saws of books, all forms, all pressures past

That youth and observation copied there,

And thy commandment all alone shall live

Within the book and volume of my brain,

Unmix'd with baser matter. Yes, by heaven!

O most pernicious woman!

O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain!

My tables! Meet it is I set it down

That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain;

At least I am sure it may be so in Denmark. [Writes.]

So, uncle, there you are. Now to my word:

It is 'Adieu, adieu! Remember me.'

I have sworn't.

Luigi. [within] My lord, my lord!

Enter Luigi and Yoshi.

Yoshi. Lord Hamlet!

Luigi. Heaven secure him!

Mario. So be it!

Yoshi. Illo, ho, ho, my lord!

Mario. Hillo, ho, ho, boy! Come, bird, come.

Yoshi. How is't, my noble lord?

Luigi. What news, my lord?

Yoshi. O, wonderful!

Luigi. Good my lord, tell it.

Mario. No, you will reveal it.

Luigi. Not I, my lord, by heaven!

Yoshi. Nor I, my lord.

Mario. How say you then? Would heart of man once think it?

But you'll be secret?

Yoshi. [with Luigi] Ay, by heaven, my lord.

Mario. There's neer a villain dwelling in all Denmark

But he's an arrant knave.

Luigi. There needs no ghost, my lord, come from the grave

To tell us this.

Mario. Why, right! You are in the right!

And so, without more circumstance at all,

I hold it fit that we shake hands and part;

You, as your business and desires shall point you,

For every man hath business and desire,

Such as it is; and for my own poor part,

Look you, I'll go pray.

Luigi. These are but wild and whirling words, my lord.

Mario. I am sorry they offend you, heartily;

Yes, faith, heartily.

Luigi. There's no offence, my lord.

Mario. Yes, by Saint Patrick, but there is, Horatio,

And much offence too. Touching this vision here,

It is an honest ghost, that let me tell you.

For your desire to know what is between us,

O'ermaster't as you may. And now, good friends,

As you are friends, scholars, and soldiers,

Give me one poor request.

Luigi. What is't, my lord? We will.

Mario. Never make known what you have seen to-night.

Yoshi. [with Luigi] My lord, we will not.

Mario. Nay, but swear't.

Luigi. In faith,

My lord, not I.

Yoshi. Nor I, my lord- in faith.

Mario. Upon my sword.

Yoshi. We have sworn, my lord, already.

Mario. Indeed, upon my sword, indeed.

Donkey Kong cries under the stage.

DK. Swear.

Mario. Aha boy, say'st thou so? Art thou there, truepenny?

Come on! You hear this fellow in the cellarage.

Consent to swear.

Luigi. Propose the oath, my lord.

Mario. Never to speak of this that you have seen.

Swear by my sword.

DK. [beneath] Swear.

Mario. Hic et ubique? Then we'll shift our ground.

Come hither, gentlemen,

And lay your hands again upon my sword.

Never to speak of this that you have heard:

Swear by my sword.

DK. [beneath] Swear by his sword.

Mario. Well said, old mole! Canst work i' th' earth so fast?

A worthy pioner! Once more remove, good friends."

Luigi. O day and night, but this is wondrous strange!

Mario. And therefore as a stranger give it welcome.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,

Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

But come!

Here, as before, never, so help you mercy,

How strange or odd soe'er I bear myself

(As I perchance hereafter shall think meet

To put an antic disposition on),

That you, at such times seeing me, never shall,

With arms encumb'red thus, or this head-shake,

Or by pronouncing of some doubtful phrase,

As 'Well, well, we know,' or 'We could, an if we would,'

Or 'If we list to speak,' or 'There be, an if they might,'

Or such ambiguous giving out, to note

That you know aught of me- this is not to do,

So grace and mercy at your most need help you,

Swear.

DK. [beneath] Swear.

[They swear.]

Mario. Rest, rest, perturbed spirit! So, gentlemen,

With all my love I do commend me to you;

And what so poor a man as Hamlet is

May do t' express his love and friending to you,

God willing, shall not lack. Let us go in together;

And still your fingers on your lips, I pray.

The time is out of joint. O cursed spite

That ever I was born to set it right!

Nay, come, let's go together. (Leaps forward and sails into the air as his accomplices take suit, while Donkey Kong watches with anticipation before utterly dissipating)

Exeunt.

#Mario #Hamlet #Shakespeare #From now on I'll make it a little more interesting #Super mario #Donkey Kong #Luigi #Yoshi

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feyariel · 6 years

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Things I Learned from RPing with Monkalunk:

There are no spells in Pathfinder to allow for shapeshifting into Outsiders, as far as I could find - not even polymorph any object. Methinks third edition's problems with the Polymorph subschool (which didn't even exist as a subschool until mid-late 3.5) are nearly irreparable, given some of the more elaborate work-arounds the system has had to implement. (I can offer no solutions to such problems without offering a revamp of both that subschool and all monster statistics [possibly even altering the Ex/Su/Sp system entirely], given why some of the problems exist.) The various [monster type] form spells in Pathfinder are okay; I'm not sure if I prefer them to the single-form spells in late 3.5 (which seem to grant most abilities of the new form, as opposed to only some [somewhat illogically]).

Gelugon is a great form for shapeshifting: four clawed hands, a tail, weapon proficiencies, a slowing cold effect from tail or spear only (unusual; I fudged using that, since I was free-form RPing, but technically that's magical and so doesn't come with Polymorph effects), and numerous other abilities.

All of a gelugon's ice powers are spell-like abilities. The slow effect claims to be an ice effect, but it need not be, as it does not do Cold damage.

A kitsune is capable of devouring a sandwich of Large size (10' × 10' × however thick a basic sandwich would be).

Sparring RP is tricksy, given the need to make sure a character isn't OP, especially if you do not have a firm grasp on the either PC's stats. (I chose to focus on shapeshifting, rather than on abilities a fictional version of me would be more apt to have, for example.)

Monk stays up really late - almost as late as I do.

I definitely need to work on my combat description.

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ulfwolf · 3 years

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Heart Hinges -- Musing 174

The hinges of my heart rusted open It is cold in here

This one door, whose well-oiled hinges were worked to exhaustion in my early days, has not seen much use lately. Just notice it for the first time in a long while the other day. Must have left it open. It’s rusted that way now; breezes of many kinds sailing straight in and through.

Yes, it’s cold in here.

Still, now that I stop to feel and consider, it’s airy and fresh and not so feverish as before—a very nice change once you get used to the cooler climate.

The fevers of youth, though pleasant enough, were definitely the tail (heart) wagging the dog (me), falling in and out of love on a regular basis (and the verb falling is very apt in this case, methinks) and running to and after wherever and whomever my heart dictated.

Yes, quite pleasant at the time, but oh, so hectic.

Today’s higher altitudes, the thinner air, the low-gliding clouds brushing and sometimes draping peaks here and there, all certainly spell a calmer emotional climate—I don’t even miss the hectic days.

Still, I should rummage around for my WD-40 (rust’s only natural enemy) and see if I can fix the hinges one of these days—though I might still leave the door open.

P.S. If you like what you’ve read here and would like to contribute to the creative motion, as it were, you can do so via PayPal: here.

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libidomechanica · 3 years

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Untitled Composition # 8651

As blank as death awaits both you a hand as he sate by this secret hair and

that to her. A lively prelude soft; the manner then Im with

mysterious day; and think of such perfection of all mortal and faithfu and kid, and

one hand thats in the act, the court for busloads of the horn, thought

a languid moon, Did it winter with you, my death of air, when I left.

like Peter than their tongue. For thy meed a thousand guessed at twilight well might see how it

better, they all slime left by men- slugs and dearest of the little ease of all. From

harmony should look with the four. And all went well to one, methinks no face

so great goodness, and arm, which by the river, clear, and of Vengeance crie, are

apt sprite with me. Into one, methinks, it shower at last night

from our house in your good lessons as his spleen. Full of forty; I wish

in the lilies revives: her very joy. Save Solyman, the line of Rosalend (

who know what Art meant. But the skies in the rapidity of yours, with

smiling into life, pleasd his majesty should creatures! My flesh is soft fallen

down thirst of blood, whose shingles check its farther. D to hint of the same mistakes,

the great for you because he was dead-still adores, but it

was, until it show his fair sun of all is but a minutes, and die.)

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 7 #145 texts

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kingofthewilderwest · 7 years

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Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people. I was tagged by @dyannehs

LAST:

1. Drink: Water 2. Phone call: Myself. Because I lost my cell phone. Outside of that, my mom! 3. Text message: One of my awesomeful friends of awesomeness who I’ve nicknamed Hux (she’s the Hux to my Kylo!) 4. Song you listen to: A nerdy composition project I’m working on. *grins* It’s a secret ’cause I’m gonna share online when I’m done! 5. Time you cried: Actual-actual cry? Don’t remember. Tears in the eyes? Maybe like two days ago? Yay for being broke.

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: Yes, I have dated the same person twice, and both experiences were quite wonderful indeed! And I’d probably date her a third time if life came around to it - both times we broke up came from us being too timid to do basic communication about relationship goals. We’re still really good friends rn - honestly either as friends or as dates, I’m happy either way! 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yes 8. Been cheated on: Not in the sex way, but my first relationship ended because my current gf was hitting blatantly on someone in front of my face, and while we were talking about maybe doing a poly thing, this hitting-on-someone-else was in the venue of putting aside and ignoring me, and that wasn’t okay. 9. Lost someone special: Yes. 10. Been depressed: Oh shit I forgot my depression meds again... *runs to take them* Umm. Yes. The answer’s yes. High-functioning depression, here I am, prime example. Yayyyy [sarcasm] 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I don’t drink alcohol so nope.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Silver 13. Chocolate brown 14. Black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Aye! 16. Fallen out of love: Not really? I mean I don’t know how to explain it. 17. Laughed until you cried: Thanks to Lance and Kaltenecker, yes. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: I guess my coworkers thought I was quitting instead of just reducing my hours, so I had to fix that rumor chain straight. 20. Found out who your friends are: I think that’s always an ongoing thing in life. This year, I’d say that I’ve had reaffirmations that the people I care about care about me, so that’s really awesome. It’s wonderful to know that people are thinking of me. And I’m thinking of you, friends! 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yep!

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: About 99% of them. It’s very rare for me to add an internet friend to my FB contacts. 23. Do you have any pets: No. My apartment only allows cats and dogs, and I want guinea pigs again. ;_; 24. Do you want to change your name: I’m proud of my name and have used it as a source of inspiration (it means “pure”). That said, in the last few years, I feel increasingly distanced from my name and honestly think of myself far more as being named “Haddock.” Haddock is my name, my birth name is second. Still a good name, but I’m a Haddock. 25. What did you do for your last birthday: On the day itself: relaxed, bought myself froyo, Skyped family, chilled, was awesome. The general-ish week of my birthday: had a dinner with family, stayed up and binged all of VLD S4 the night it came out, hung out with a friend and also binged VLD. Basically, a lot of VLD. 26. What time do you wake up: The number fluctuates quite wildly day-per-day because “sleep schedule” is a myth. Today, I got up at 11 AM. 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Answering asks on tumblr and PMing/texting a few good friends. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Having enough money to live comfortably and not stress every time rent week comes around. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom?: A few days ago, Friday. 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Oh where do I fucking start... Well. The biggest thing is I’d do is go back in time and prevent a terrifyingly bad argument/falling out with my ex/ex best friend that happened in 2011-2012, not because I want to still be friends with this person (I don’t anymore), but because the experience was very... traumatic... to both of us and I’d love us not to live with those mental scars. I’m still getting over those scars and it sucks. 31. What are you listening to right now: The composition I’m working on. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah. Don’t know anyone well named Tom, though. One of my coworkers is a Tommy if that counts? 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: There’s one wonderful friend of mine who’s going through a really challenging time. I want to help them so badly, but they’ve been closed off and hermitting themselves to the point I think it’s harmful for them, it’s hard to contact them to help them, and they live too far away for me to check on them in person easily. I want to do anything to see them in person to help, or to talk to them, or anything... sitting in silence makes me very worried because this wonderful human soul deserves all the love and support they can get for what they’re going through. 34. Most visited website: Tumblr, Facebook, Netflix, Google. 35. Mole/s: I have two bumps on my forehead, one to either side. I jokingly call them horns, but they’re not evenly lined up, and the one on my left is much larger than the one on my right. 36. Mark/s: Bellybutton scar from a second degree burning incident, lots of scars on my hands right now from falling on concrete two months back, lots of scars on my wrists from a whole bunch of whatnot (I even have one from my sophomore year of high school when a school binder scraped me?), oh. And I have basically leopard-speckled shoulders from countless acne/pimple scars. For unnatural marks... three tats! Plans to get at least two more. 37. Childhood dream: To be a published, bestselling author or a college prof. 38. Hair color: Currently dark brown with bleached bangs and a strip on the right side. Natural hair color is what I call “dusty brown” and some people would call dirty blonde; it’s in that random in-between blonde and brown where the top is blonde-ish and the bottom is rather brown. 39. Long or short hair: I have the conundrum of enjoying my hair either really long or really short. I’m in the process of regrowing it to the long stage. It’s sort of at the bottom-of-the-shoulder-blades/boob length now. Goal is to go back to waist length. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Does Takashi Shirogane count? 41. What do you like about yourself: Honestly, quite a lot? XD I’m very thankful to be a nerd who is apt to learn anything from sciences to arts and music and sports. I’m thankful to be a musician, a composer, a creative writer, an animation junkie, an analytical and logical mind, a complete and utter NERD beyond belief who lives in nerd culture. I love my appearance, I love my facial hair, I love my eyebrows and face shape, I love my body shape, I love that I’m left-handed, I love that I’m not conventionally pretty. I love being a Christian. I love being aroace. I mean when I’m not in a depressive, self-deprecating mode, I really am proud and thankful to be who I am all across the board; there’s very little that I dislike about myself. Mostly what I dislike is my current life situation of not being anywhere career-wise. Everything else, pretty happy. :) 42. Piercings: Two on each earlobe and one halfway up the cartilage. Dammit and I wanted like a dozen piercings by this type in my life. Get me a more stable paycheck and we’re fixing this! 43. Blood type: O+. Most common blood type, woot? 44. Nicknames?: I’ve had a terrifying slew of nicknames over the years. Currently, the most common ones are Haddock, King, (Kylo) Ren, Spock, and Toast. 45. Relationship status: Single in my chill natural habitat. 46. Zodiac: I am so bitter about my Zodiac sign I refuse to say it even though it’s not too hard to figure out what it is given other answers to this meme. 47. Pronouns: He/his/him, though honestly I really don’t care too much what people toss at me. 48. Favorite TV Show: Voltron: Legendary Defender. 50. Right or left hand: LEFT-HANDED WOOOOOOOO LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFTY PRIDE YOOOO! 51. Surgery: When I was nine I had four baby teeth and then the four adult teeth under them removed. Basically, a wisdom tooth like surgery but younger and with different teeth. 52. Hair dyed in different color: FUCK YEAH! I was getting really bored of my natural hair color but was keeping it natural for the purpose of looking professional (job searches). I’d been wanting to reinstate some purple and black again, but with my current job only allowing “natural” hair colors, I decided I couldn’t go that route. Instead I bleached the front and dyed the rest dark brown in a sort of inspiration from Takashi Shirogane. 53. Sport: I played soccer all growing up, so much fun. Love jogging. Sports are great, miss having the opportunity to do team stuff. Also really enjoy watching professional gymnastics, soccer, American football, and especially tennis. 55. Vacation: I want to see so many locations oh my fuck. My “to go to” list includes Bhutan, Nepal, China/Tibet, Mongolia, Cambodia (again... come on I miss it!), Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, Japan, United Arab Emirates, United Kingdom (England & Scotland), Norway, Canada, Peru, Mexico, South Korea, India, Myanmar, Austria, Germany, Iceland... um. Yeah. You. Get the picture. I NEED TO TRAVEL, YO! 56. Pair of trainers: Uh they’re like really raggedy and old and stuff

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: I’m snacking on M&Ms again, like always. 58. Drinking: Water, though methinks I shall make some homemade ginger tea. 59. I’m about to: Probably go shower. It’s 3 PM and I still am in my pajamas. 62. Want: To fucking write and do NaNo and yet life’s been busy and I haven’t had the time for a word but I HAVE SO MANY VLD FANFICS I WANT TO DO AND AURGHGHGHGHGHGH the goal is to somehow write and finish my universal translator mix-up one this month???? We’ll see! Translators, stay tuned, and thanks again for offering to help! 63. Get married: 97% of me doesn’t want to get married I think? 64. Career: Linguistics consultant of doom. Not sure if this can be a career but if I could, I would enjoy continuing the remote work. To explain: I currently work contract positions with various companies who hire me for short-term projects, in which I use my linguistics expertise to analyze and annotate large sums of data according to certain guidelines. 65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs. I. LOVE. HUGS. SO. MUCH. HUGGGGGMEEEEE! I always look closed off in my body language but I swear the inside of me is always going “Giff me the cuddles and don’t let go.” 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes. Eyes are the most gorgeous thing about humans seriously. 67. Shorter or taller: I prefer to be the short one in all social situations. 68. Older or younger: For friends, I’m chill with whatever age you are. Dating, also chill, though I think I tend to prefer being slightly older just ’cause that’s how most of my relationships have been? But really doesn’t matter. 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Arms. Nice arms are unique for me. I’m pretty happy with lots of different stomach types I see - tummies just are cute! :) 71. Sensitive or loud: A combo is fun but what I look for most in any platonic or anything relationship is someone with a deep heart. I want friends with whom I can confide in anything... so has to be that sensitive side (sensitive-logical if that makes sense is what I like best). 72. Hook up or relationship: I’ve done random PG hookups? But my answer for this is relationship; hookups are only fun for short-term boosts of self-confidence and not being 100% genuine and just being like carefree “whatever” for a night (make sure you both know you’re just doing the hookup night though, please guys, no deception!). Long-term relationships though are glorious like none other for their emotional power. <3 That is pure beauty, caring for someone deeply with lasting loyalty. But of course ya’ll know me... I find nothing more beautiful to cherish than deep platonic care! 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Combo of both!

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: Yeppers 75. Drank hard liquor: Nope 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Yes ugh I have no clue where one of my pairs of glasses are again 77. Turned someone down: Yes 78. Sex on the first date: I’ve had sex never so this is an easy answer 79. Broken someone’s heart: Yes 80. Had your heart broken: Yes 81. Been arrested: No 82. Cried when someone died: Yes 83. Fallen for a friend: Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84: Yourself: Yes, typically 85. Miracles: Absolutely 86. Love at first sight: I mean I don’t deny it happens. It happens. But I don’t think it’s pragmatic to think that’s what’ll happen to you. 87. Santa Claus: Come on, of course North and the Guardians are kicking Pitch’s butt! 88. Kiss on the first date: Sure, why not

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: I don’t have one best friend right now. A few of my current closest friends are named Josh, “Hux”, Keith, JuLee, Rachel, Peter, and Meredith. 91. Eye color: Brown 92. Favorite movie: HOW DO I PICK ONE FAVORITE MOVIE FUCK YOU?? The Prince of Egypt, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the How to Train Your Dragon movies, Pacific Rim, there, I made a list.

Uhhhhh let’s so who should I tag... if you want to do it... @akkeyroomi @the-mr-eggplant @chiefrosepetal @thefuriousnightfury @insaneskye @fanwriter02 @dragonpride99 @jettara @margarethelstone @shailyesshadow @hubwalker1 @godguy0001 @theravenfliesagain @frosty-viking @jackthevulture @hiccup-is-left-handed @dragonnan @spacekeet @nightfury326 yaknowwhat I am not going to count but we’ll say that’s about 20 XD

#non-dragons #long post #swearing #meme #ask meme #about me #blabbing Haddock #my life

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beaches-and-books · 6 years

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The Personality Book Tag

This is a cool tag I have seen floating around. If you’d like to do it and I didn’t tag you, please do! I’d love to see @catastrophicallyinlovewithbooks @justalittlecupoftea @throne-of-ashes-and-beauty @tacmc @feastofstar-light s answers though!

If you don’t know your personality type, you can go to 16personalities.com and take a test!

1. What is your MBTI personality type?

I am an ENTP-A. That is the Debater personality, also known as the visionary, which I think fits me extremely well...

2. What is your personality like?

“the ultimate devil’s advocate, thriving on the process of shredding arguments and beliefs and letting the ribbons drift in the wind for all to see. They don’t do this because they are trying to achieve some deeper purpose or strategic goal, but for the simple reason that it’s fun. It gives them a chance to exercise their effortlessly quick wit, broad accumulated knowledge base, and capacity for connecting disparate ideas to prove their points.”

I am always arguing or taking a stance on things, even when I don’t believe in them, but especially when I do. I enjoy mental exercises, which is also why I like to read, methinks.

3. If you were a character in a book, what would be some of your character strengths and flaws?

Some strengths my character would have would be that they think outside of the box, which would be helpful in the event that they get trapped somewhere or have a problem that they need solved that doesn’t require feelings. I think some readers would definitely like them because they would be witty, energetic, and charismatic.

Some weaknesses, whew, would be that they are insensitive, which would definitely get them INTO trouble. And they aren’t in touch with their feelings. Some readers would get frustrated with my character for sure, because they would always be defensive, argumentative, and have a hard time being real about any emotion they experience ever. Luckily, none of that would be done with a hard heart, just an inability to know themselves.

4. Do any authors share your personality type?

Mark Twain! But that’s the only one I know of.

5. What fictional characters share your personality type?

Tyrion Lannister from Game of Thrones, Aedion Ashryver from Throne of Glass, and Fred and George Weasley from Harry Potter. Those are the only ones that I am pretty sure about!

6. If you were a character in a book, what job would you have?

Honestly I have no idea. In the one I am writing now, I have a character that I relate to and she is a villain. She is sort of an executioner of sorts, but she eventually learns to open up. I guess I should definitely start thinking about what she will do when she redeems herself from her villainess ways... hmmm...

7. What personality type would complete your OTP?

I’m thinking probably an INFP, INFJ or INTJ... People with an S are a little bit harder for me to get along with typically, but some of my best friends are Ss. I am a person with a lot of dumb ideas that would never work, but some of them are really awesome and I think an N would be more apt to trying some of them out with me.

8. Who are some fictional characters that would complete your OTP?

Will Herondale <3 UGH INFP I am so gone for Will.

Richard Campebell Gansey III, a total INFJ

Rhysand, who I am pretty sure is an INTJ (even though I am more drawn to Cassian, but whatever)

#tags #about me #mbti #entp #reading #characters #the personality book tag #the personality character tag

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minijenn · 7 years

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Universe Falls Preview 2

K I guess I’m making decent enough progress on this chapter.... Still wish I had gotten the chance to work on my project instead, but I suppose this was a good use of my freed up evening. So enjoy some stuff that’s mostly from Into the Bunker with a little overarching foreshadowing thrown in... ;)

“Uh oh!” Mabel cut in as her and Steven both sent Dipper broad, knowing grins while the Gems and Soos moved on towards the tree themselves. “Inviting Wendy on our mission? Methinks there’s romance afoot!”

“No,” Dipper quickly rejected this notion, even if he was more intent on convincing himself more than either of them. “Look, I’ve thought this through and I’m over Wendy. I’ve looked at it from every angle, and that thing was going nowhere. I know what matters to me now, and that’s finding the author of this journal.”

“Ha! You’re over Wendy?” Mabel smirked with wry disbelief. “Allow me to put on my ‘skepticals’.” Said skeptical were merely just Mabel forming circles around her eyes with her fingers, but even so Dipper was far from amused.

“Dipper, why don’t you just tell Wendy how you feel about her?” Steven asked with a good-natured smile. “It’s gotta be easier than just trying to keep it a secret. I mean, just how great things turned out when Bawling Bacon told Mourning Muffin about his crush on her in Crying Breakfast Friends.”

“Oh, that episode is a classic!” Mabel interjected, still keeping her ‘skepticals’ on.

“…I don’t even know what to say about that,” Dipper said staunchly. “But still, I’m not going to tell Wendy anything because there’s nothing to tell. I’ve moved on. You guys should too.”

The pair merely exchanged a tentative glance as Dipper stepped past them, though Mabel made sure to get the final say on the matter. “Skepticals…”

“Hey, guys,” Wendy said as everyone gathered close to the tree. “Is it just me, or does that branch look kinda like a lever?”

“Huh, yeah,” Dipper agreed, looking up at the branch the cashier was referring to before turning away from it to properly pan. “But how do we get up there…? It seems like we’d need a ladder, or like, ladder-shoes. I’ll get Soos to draw up a prototype, maybe go get Pearl and have her help build them…”

“Should we tell him?” Amethyst muttered to Garnet as they watched Wendy use her belt to skillfully scale the tree behind Dipper.

“Eh, he’ll figure it out,” Garnet shrugged.

At the same time, Wendy had reached the lever and pulled the ax out of her belt. With a smooth flick of the wrist, she spun the weapon around and hit the lever with its dull end, easily activating it. “Boosh!” she exclaimed, sending a satisfied smirk down to the amazed group on the ground.

“Whoa! Wendy, dude, that was awesome!” Soos exclaimed with a grin.

“Oh yeah, my dad used to make me compete in these lumberjack games when I was a kid,” Wendy remarked with a humble shrug. “Guess I kinda ruled at it.”

Still, no one had too much time to be impressed as the tree suddenly began to shake violently. Unable to hold on, Wendy fell off of it with a frightened cry, though fortunately, the shrub at the foot of the tree broke her fall. She didn’t really have a chance to breathe a sigh of relief, however, as the ground surrounding the tree began to retract, though thankfully Dipper and Soos were quick enough to pull her away from the emerging opening. The group crowded around the circular hole, watching in stunned awe as a set of stairs started jutting out from the lower half of the tree, stairs that led to a metallic door down below.

“Uh… G?” Amethyst tentatively spoke up, looking to the Gem leader with apt concern. “Am I the only one of us who’s thinking this looks sort of…”

“Familiar…” Garnet finished, her expression unreadable as she looked towards the hidden door and nothing else. “No, you’re not.”

“Wait, have you guys been here before?” Steven asked with immense curiosity.

“I don’t… think so…” the purple Gem frowned, bewildered.

“Still, it feels like we have…” the Gem leader adjusted her shades, her tone slightly unnerved. “It’s… hard to explain…”

“Well maybe going down there and checking it out will help jog your memory!” Mabel suggested encouragingly.

The pair of Gems exchanged a dubious glance, neither of them, not even Garnet, really sure of what they might find underground. Still, as always, Amethyst was the first to return to her usual verve. “Well, what are we waiting for?” she asked with a forced, confident grin. “Let’s crash this creepy joint!”

“Alright, guys, this is it,” Dipper said with bold resolve, making sure the journal was securely tucked into his vest. “Remember, what happens down there, we tell no one.”

The others all responded affirmative to this in different ways: Mabel with a thumbs up, Steven with a solid nod, Garnet with a clenched, determined fist, Soos by turning his hat backwards, Amethyst with a casual salute, and Wendy by zipping her lips. Without the need for any further deliberation on their plans, the group began descending the staircase down to whatever might await them in the depths below.

#ohohhohohohoh #hopefully you guys caught my not subtle at all foreshadowing #jen writes #universe falls #into the bunker #uf previews

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tnithoughts · 6 years

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Piece 170

My cat:

So if you’re reading this sentence you know you’re in for some deep shit. But of what kind? How does the guy who talks about focusing on his left foot walking talk about his cat?

Methinks I’m def turning into a crazy cat dad. Crazy because if my personal past. But also, I’m def trying to use the word methinks more.

I rescued her. She was living outside on her own for months. I gave her shelter, and food. And she gave me companionship in the way of my path of wanting to kill myself.

So, really, it’s a joint rescue. And heh you know that stoner you knew at that party who was like “gimme that joint!” It was like that heh.

But seriously, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her, and she likely wouldn’t if it wasn’t for me. Maybe someone else moved into this apt who was allergic to cats and made her go away. That person would make her go away to the 24 year old kid next door that is part of that next door family that previous tenant “gave” this cat to as me moved to east coast.

She’d be in much disarray if it wasn’t for me, and I would be in much disarray if it wasn’t for her.

We rescued each other. And you’ve read all about it.

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fashiontrendin-blog · 6 years

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Soak Up the Sun, Cheryl Crows! Your HOROSCOPES Are Here!

https://fashion-trendin.com/soak-up-the-sun-cheryl-crows-your-horoscopes-are-here/

Soak Up the Sun, Cheryl Crows! Your HOROSCOPES Are Here!

If you read the headline: Wouldn’t The Cheryl Crows make for a great band?

These repel-o-scopes are accidentally long this go ’round — it’s probably because I missed you in July — so I’m going to make this intro short: Mercury and Mars are retrograde, but remember that it’s not even close to the end of the world. It’s a little annoying, yes, and things will move slowly, but that means you get to, too. Lazy Sunday/August.

Besides, everything will feel better after the lunar eclipse at the end of July. Bonnie Tyler did NOT like that one. It was not her kind of bright eyes. Oh good, I’m already not making sense. Aren’t you excited? There will be one more eclipse, on August 11th, but it’s related to the sun, and you’re gonna love it.

Take this time to look back, reflect and enjoy this beautiful month ahead. Susan Miller and the Astrology Zone band (my all-time favorite — I’d wear the tee to their concert) wrote all the real ‘scopes, I digested Susan’s summaries and below you have what we like to call in the biz: an exercise in free-writing while hungry.

Leo

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GOLDEN SKY CATS! Your mane is looking as big as ever and glorious under that birthday crown. Do you eat sparkling sardines as a treat for dinner? That sounds like something a lion might like, although I do admit that I sometimes forget you’re a human whose sign is a star cat — when I write these, I picture you as an actual star cat, which means your first thought at the mention of sardines could have been, “Gross!” But I don’t know, I know plenty of people who love them. I’ll tell you what! I kinda like cat breath!

With that as our segue, let’s head straight into your August Birthday Horoscope:

Your work schedule has become “erratic,” to borrow Susan’s apt word, and that might be bugging your friends/partner, but you are on the CUSP of professional greatness, so communicate with your person about what’s going on, offer a sardine (or don’t) and hang on. Exciting rides are always a little like, WHOA, did I just pee myself or what?

If you’re waiting for the fun rather than the messy part of said excitement, August 11th: The universe has got you.

“In term of romance,” writes Susan, “Venus will tour Libra from August 6 to September 9, a perfect place for Venus to be for you. This graceful planet will be in your short-distance travel sector, so taking weekend trips would be the perfect way to meet a new romantic interest, or to bond closer to the one you already love.” I also know you know this but when Venus is around, doing her thing, the universe is practically BEGGING you to buy yourself something special, shiny and new.

You also have Mars in Aquarius in lovely angle to Venus on August 7th, a very sexy day for you. This day, August 7th, deserves four stars.

And in the meantime, I got you a slice of cake with your name-as-a-paw-print on it.

Virgo

Virgo-go boots, you had a rough last month, according to Suz, but hopefully that pressure’s already lifting a bit thanks to the passing of the full moon lunar eclipse on July 27th. And honestly, doesn’t it feel nice to know like, “Oh, so THAT’s what that shit storm was about.”

Speaking of shit storm!

Some things will still be annoying, like you may not feel very well at the start of the month, and you can blame Uranus for that. (You know, there is a very funny poop joke in here, but if you’re seriously not feeling well where bowels are concerned then nothing is funny, I get that.)

August 11th is going to bring about another eclipse, but you’ll like this one. Susan thinks it will encourage you to turn off and recharge in private. Hmm…sounds a lot like blackout month, methinks.

Also, though this *sounds* like a bad thing if you’ve been following along way too closely to my Planet of Butt jokes: “Mars will still be at sharp angles to Uranus,” it actually means you’ll be…let’s call it aggressively encouraged by the planets to act on something that’s been bugging you. It will be cathartic, and though I don’t see how these things are connected, Susan also said, “A business partner, expert you hire or your spouse (any person you collaborate with one-on-one) can now be the source of remarkable inspiration and transformation for you.”

Last but not least, early September should be super romantic for you!!!

(Don’t forget romance applies to getting romantic with yourself, too!)

Libra

Okay Libra! So the end of July wasn’t THE MOST fun you’ve ever had emotionally. Fuck the end of that month! Let’s focus on early August, after the few days (namely, the first) that were still affected by the lunar eclipse.

I’m more excited to talk about the solar eclipse of August 11th instead. Way more fun and friendly. For example, Susan said that the “solar eclipse of August 11 will be supportive of you and open opportunities to make new friends.” See?!

Meanwhile, you’ve got Venus in your sign from August 6th to September 9th. “This is a lovely vibration that will jazz your social life beautifully.” I’ll say! Just be careful about how you pack it in your suitcase. You know TSA.

Mercury’s currently in retrograde, but you probably knew that. Don’t make any super important decisions until the end of August. Do, however, celebrate the golden triangle between the Sun, Saturn and Uranus. If that sounds like a metaphor for your hoo-ha, great, celebrate that too. The reason we’re celebrating is because everything you touch where home is concerned will, as per the name of the triangle, turn to gold. Susan brings up leprechauns at the end of your ‘scope, and that is all I have to say about that.

Scorpio

Hi bowl of Scorpi-o’s! Cool if I eat you with almond milk, or will you sting the crap out of my mouth if I don’t use cow milk? I’m not really supposed to drink milk (ironic or not given that I’m a Taurus?) but if you say so, then okay!

Important, straightforward and straight-from-the-mouth-of-Susan words first: “We are in eclipse season and two of the three are cutting across your tenth house of career and fourth house of home, suggesting changes are bubbling up in both areas.”

Okay next: On August 11th, thanks to the solar eclipse, you’re due for some sort of massive career/finance boost — but Mercury is in retrograde, so no signing new contracts until it’s over at the end of August, okay? (But also, don’t listen to me. Approach all contract decisions with your usual amount of caution and consideration, get a professional to help you get organized with your finances, yadda yadda YOU KNOW ALL THIS.)

Ugh I think because it’s summer all I want to do is talk about love so I’m really excited we got to this point, finallyyy: “The full moon of August 27 will sprinkle you in silvery, glittery dust by Cupid and his little fleet of angels.” Susan wrote that. She is a modern day celestial poet and we are not worthy.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius, Sagittarius on the floor! And she’s dancing like she’s never danced before!

Neigh, neigh, neigh, let’s talk about your horoscope. First of all, we had the eclipse on July 27th. If that week — or honestly, the whole month of July — felt like a damn doozy, well, now you know why. Blame the planets!

But don’t shit-talk them too much, because the planets also do you a whole lot of favors and alllll of us know what it’s like to shit talk a significant other to friends because we’re mad then have to backtrack later like, “No, no, I swear they’re great!” Besides, on August 11th, there will be a solar eclipse that kicks all sorts of exciting things and opportunities into high gear. For you, especially pertaining to home and career.

Don’t forget that amid all that, we’re still dealing with Mercury in retrograde again (it’s fine; everything is fine) and Mars — one of your ruling planets — is too. Just remember that a retrograde isn’t necessarily bad; good things from the past can come back, but it does mean things move sloooooooooowly, according to every train in New York and Susan.

I’m so sorry, it’s so hard to concentrate right now. I’m writing this in the same room as a television that’s playing Drunk History and it’s really distracting because I love Drunk History so much.

Hey! And guess what! You’re going to have a super romantic, lovey dovey, hubba hubba early August when “Venus will glide into Libra.” Please do still use a water-based lube even though Mars has no water on it! Or does it?

Capricorn

Hi baseball Capricorn how are YOU ah-doin?

You’ll be meditating on money this month according to Suz.

Lotttta money meditating. I’m just scrolling through your summary, honestly…okay and on August 11th, a solar eclipse! Hip, hip, horray! Why? Because solar eclipses bring about really cathartic and positive changes, and YES I know we’re in the midst of a Mercury mo-flipping retrograde, but just remember, though it gets a bad rep, Mercury in retrograde is not solely an annoying thing that messes with technology, etc. It gives you an excuse to go backward, and it makes retroactive reach-outs positive ones.

Okay, so what about you? Well, the eclipse on August 11th could bring you money. Good job manifesting that during your meditation. And the end of August, the 26th-ish, is a good time to get away. “Choose a place with thundering white surf or a placid translucent blue lake,” Susan said, super specifically. It’s also a time to let your creativity and love thrive. Thrive, I tell ya! Did I tell you that Drunk History is playing in the background and someone is hiccuping and it’s making it hard to focus? What else is new for me though, I suppose. This is how I thrive. I also stand by the fact that the best compliment I ever received in the comments of horoscopes was, “These sound drunker than usual.” You have no idea!

Aquarius

Aquarius, I sang “Sagittarius, Sagittarius” to the tune of “she’s a maniac, maniac” but now that I’m reading your name and its syllables I’m like waiiiit, “She’s Aquarius, Aquarius!” sounds good too. I guess you can both share songs. Like a mash-up.

Little bit about me right now, I took a 3 a.m. flight and am so confused about when I last brushed my teeth and believe me, I’d like to brush them right now but I have no idea where my toothbrush is.

ALRIGHT let’s talk Astro-facts:

Mars is in Aquarius and it’s also in retrograde. I know that word freaks everyone out, but you don’t have to worry. Besides, this one’s out of retrograde at the end of the month (maybe it’ll finally stop wearing those teeny tiny ’90s sunglasses then).

Dates for you to know, because what the heck am I even going on about: There’s a solar eclipse on the 11th that will bring you help from a collaborator, and know that a collaborator could be anyone from a work person to a life partner — and this help may lead to good things.

At the end of the month, you’ll be hyper-creative. On top of that, money is going to roll on in. If you like love, keep your eyes peeled on the 7th. “Venus and her lover, Mars,” and please note those are Susan’s words, not mine for once, are going to get it on (“get it on” are my words) which means that you’ll have a magical air about you that’s likely to lead you straight toward your soulmate. Holy shit, I hope it’s Chidi!

Pisces

Hi cherry Pisces, I’m gonna try to keep yours through Cancer’s ‘scopes short because you’re probably busy and I’ve got a hungry mouth to feed: mine. So what does your doodle butt need to know?

WEll! Capitalized with the W and the E just like that, thank you very much. And also, if you happen to have been reading along all the other signs above when I was talking about having Drunk History on in the background, you should know that I am horrible at multitasking, and even worse than that, I truly cannot write my own name with something playing in the background. Not even classical music. I don’t know how people do it. I’m telling you that because someone just threw up on the episode I’m watching, and then I almost threw up, and that really would have thrown me off schedule.

So let’s stay on it, shall we? We shall!

Because of the retrogrades, August will be slow. Use that as an excuse to take it slow, too, and also to check the more monotonous things off your list.

The solar eclipse of August 11th will bring about exciting career opportunities. Oo-ie! YOUR CAREER IS ON A ROCKET TO THE MOON AND BEYOND. FOR REAL. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? WHY? THE UNIVERSE SAYS, “YOU TELL ME AND WE WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN!” Sometimes you need an all-caps moment.

Now, Mars is going to be in hard angle to Uranus (sounds like that planet needs to add more fiber to its diet!) which could cause a little discomfort (as one might imagine!), but it will also make you more creative, and in a twist I certainly didn’t see coming, it could mean that a friend will make you rich or something? I’m kinda skimming. But honestly, from the summary alone, it’s all great things!! Oh and by the end of the month, you might be famous. Just kidding about keeping it short!

Aries

Hello little house on the Aries! July was stressful so who needs to bring it up — the only reason I just did is because I think it’s nice to know you can point to the sky and be like, “The planets did it!” The great news is that August is amazing (does anyone watch The Kroll Show? I just said, “It’s ah-mayyyy-zeeeeng” in my head like Liz). (Yes those two links were meant to take you to the same place.)

There’s an eclipse in Leo on August 11th, which means romance, love, babies, partnership. Also speaking of love, have ye olde planet of surprise and butts, Uranus, receiving a beam from Saturn, and what that means for you is that any emotional life-related decision you make around this time will, per Suz, probably be “a solid one that will set up a firm foundation for years to come.”

It’s a time for friends, a time for snacks, a time for feeling like you’re finally taking a breather for once.

On the 17th and 18th, you’ll be feeling particularly creative, so put that to good use and break out the crayons. On the 19th, your career will get a necessary kick in the derriere, which bodes well for you.

Finally, the full moon of August 26th “will be a peach.” (Omg Susan is so cute sometimes.) Kinda just had a weird creepy Nicolas Cage “peach for hours” flashback from Face Off, mentally blocking that, but what you can expect is an all-around brilliant end to August. Everything will be great, no exaggeration. So go out and celebrate for heaven’s sake, wear your favorite outfit!

Taurus

Mooooooooooooooo! Hello my fellow celestial cows. I’m super sleepy, so enjoy this ride we’re about to embark upon.

If I can be honest with you, when it comes to horoscopes, I’m not always what you might call a believer. I have fun with it, sure, and I blame the arrangement of the planets for a lot, but it’s always with a bit of a wink. And then inevitably, Susan Miller writes something that makes me think, “How’d she do that?” Exactly the same way that woman does it in the Mary Poppins advertisement on Taxi TV.

Susan said this: “As you enter August, you may be feeling uncharacteristically tense and high strung,” but then she says it’s going to wash away with the help of August. I swear to you that the moment August 1st pierced through the clouds I was like, “Ahhhhhh, relief.” And it’s not just because I had to pee the whole last day of July and kept avoiding it! It probably has almost everything to do with the lunar eclipse, if we’re being honest. Good thing that’s over — see ya! Wouldn’t want to be ya!

Now, sure, everyone could find a way to relate to this. But so?! Then that means Susan was right! Good thing I’ve gotten back into meditation for the millionth time. Let’s see if I do or don’t fall asleep.

Susan also thinks the 11th will be a little weird for us thanks to Mars, which I choose to ignore, but the solar eclipse on the same day will open up new paths anyway so eyes on the prize! This is a good one, I promise. You are the James Bond of your own life! Don’t forget to wear a seatbelt no matter how teeny the car! Jerry Seinfeld, I’m looking at you when you ask to borrow it for Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.

There’s a full moon in Pisces on August 26th that will receive “comforting vibes” from Saturn — someone put that on a made-for-Instagram poster — that will make us feel back in control. Our creativity will be through the roof, and you heard it from Susan first: In the final days of August, go ahead and play hooky from the office and soak up the summer sun! Pretty sure you can show your boss this horoscope as a doctor’s note.

Gemini

Gemin-hi!

To get right into it, August is kinda a no-contracts month for you if you can help it for a whole bunch of boring celestial reasons. If you can’t help it, read the fine print and do a handstand or something. Also, you’re mostly off the hook by the 27th.

Don’t make major life decisions because of me, please!

But I do invite you do to things liiiiiiike travel on the 11th because Susan says it will be a nice time, or appear on television because Susan also seems to think that might happen. If you’ve been thinking about taking some sort of classes, that might be nice? Also you will probably get a huge award on the 26th! What! Cool! Will you sign my baseball glove?

The middle to end of August is really career, career, career, but in a good way. You’re leading the charge, my high-powered puma. And oh cool, look at this! “If you need money to make your home-related project happen, the funds will appear if you look for them.” — Susan

And they said money doesn’t grow when you spray Febreze!

I can’t really recall what she said about romance or friendship, but given what she said about every other sign, the planets, though sleepy, are super, super primed to make the end of August feel like one giant slice of delicious, satisfying, happy-ass watermelon. Bite into it and let the juice drip down your chin. Oh, but careful of ants! They are so cute but their crawling gives me the heebie jeebies.

Cancer

Cancer I LITERALLY just ate a crab thumb! Thank you for your gift to the planet.

Let’s dive right into August 11th since you’ve made it this far, shall we? If you’ve been worried about money, thanks to the eclipse on this date, you no longer will be! So you’ve been spending a lot — who hasn’t? That’s okay! Summer’s always a little expensive. (You’re investing in memories!) You’re about to plant some sort of golden bean into a very fertile ground, if I am reading this horoscope correctly.

I also may not be but I’m the woman on the keys! YOU CAN’T STOP ME!

The 26th will be a really lucky day. The planets are doing all sorts of things that make this an ideal time to kinda do whatever you want if you need heart-stoppingly-wonderful results.

Work-wise, there may be delays, but it’s just because Mars has been retrograde since the 26th, so once that’s over on August 27th, you’ll begin to feel things spin back into action. You’ll really get going by September and/or October, so trick or treat, smell my feet, give me my SPF30 please because right now it’s summer and I don’t know about you but the sun outside is calling to me way more loudly than my laptop. But back to you: You’re working hard and around this time, finally, PEOPLE WILL NOTICE.

Romantically (I am so glad you asked), “this area may prove to be the best in your life,” wrote Suz. Mars is making you feel sexy, your partner is being a squishy angel, and Jupiter, one of my favorite planets for all its gift- and luck-giving, is doing the worm in your house of love, which means that you’re bound to meet someone special if you’re looking and haven’t already.

The end of August is going to be the best. Play hooky as often as you can. OH and I forgot to tell you! I love your dress!

Illustration by Cynthia Merhej.

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almostfairytime · 7 years

Text

SCENE II. Athens. QUINCE'S house.

Enter QUINCE, FLUTE, SNOUT, and STARVELING

QUINCE

Have you sent to Bottom's house ? is he come home yet?

STARVELING

He cannot be heard of. Out of doubt he is transported.

FLUTE

If he come not, then the play is marred: it goes not forward, doth it?

QUINCE

It is not possible: you have not a man in all Athens able to discharge Pyramus but he.

FLUTE

No, he hath simply the best wit of any handicraft man in Athens.

QUINCE

Yea and the best person too; and he is a very paramour for a sweet voice.

FLUTE

Enter SNUG

SNUG

Masters, the duke is coming from the temple, and there is two or three lords and ladies more married: if our sport had gone forward, we had all been made men.

FLUTE

Enter BOTTOM

BOTTOM

Where are these lads? where are these hearts?

QUINCE

Bottom! O most courageous day! O most happy hour!

BOTTOM

Masters, I am to discourse wonders: but ask me not what; for if I tell you, I am no true Athenian. I will tell you every thing, right as it fell out.

QUINCE

Let us hear, sweet Bottom.

BOTTOM

Exeunt

ACT VSCENE I. Athens. The palace of THESEUS.

Enter THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, PHILOSTRATE, Lords and Attendants

HIPPOLYTA

'Tis strange my Theseus, that these lovers speak of.

THESEUS

More strange than true: I never may believe These antique fables, nor these fairy toys. Lovers and madmen have such seething brains, Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend More than cool reason ever comprehends. The lunatic, the lover and the poet Are of imagination all compact: One sees more devils than vast hell can hold, That is, the madman: the lover, all as frantic, Sees Helen's beauty in a brow of Egypt: The poet's eye, in fine frenzy rolling, Doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven; And as imagination bodies forth The forms of things unknown, the poet's pen Turns them to shapes and gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name. Such tricks hath strong imagination, That if it would but apprehend some joy, It comprehends some bringer of that joy; Or in the night, imagining some fear, How easy is a bush supposed a bear!

HIPPOLYTA

But all the story of the night told over, And all their minds transfigured so together, More witnesseth than fancy's images And grows to something of great constancy; But, howsoever, strange and admirable.

THESEUS

Enter LYSANDER, DEMETRIUS, HERMIA, and HELENA

LYSANDER

More than to us Wait in your royal walks, your board, your bed!

THESEUS

Come now; what masques, what dances shall we have, To wear away this long age of three hours Between our after-supper and bed-time? Where is our usual manager of mirth? What revels are in hand? Is there no play, To ease the anguish of a torturing hour? Call Philostrate.

PHILOSTRATE

Here, mighty Theseus.

THESEUS

Say, what abridgement have you for this evening? What masque? what music? How shall we beguile The lazy time, if not with some delight?

PHILOSTRATE

Giving a paper

THESEUS

Reads

PHILOSTRATE

A play there is, my lord, some ten words long, Which is as brief as I have known a play; But by ten words, my lord, it is too long, Which makes it tedious; for in all the play There is not one word apt, one player fitted: And tragical, my noble lord, it is; For Pyramus therein doth kill himself. Which, when I saw rehearsed, I must confess, Made mine eyes water; but more merry tears The passion of loud laughter never shed.

THESEUS

What are they that do play it?

PHILOSTRATE

Hard-handed men that work in Athens here, Which never labour'd in their minds till now, And now have toil'd their unbreathed memories With this same play, against your nuptial.

THESEUS

And we will hear it.

PHILOSTRATE

No, my noble lord; It is not for you: I have heard it over, And it is nothing, nothing in the world; Unless you can find sport in their intents, Extremely stretch'd and conn'd with cruel pain, To do you service.

THESEUS

Exit PHILOSTRATE

HIPPOLYTA

I love not to see wretchedness o'er charged And duty in his service perishing.

THESEUS

Why, gentle sweet, you shall see no such thing.

HIPPOLYTA

He says they can do nothing in this kind.

THESEUS

Re-enter PHILOSTRATE

PHILOSTRATE

So please your grace, the Prologue is address'd.

THESEUS

Flourish of trumpets

Enter QUINCE for the Prologue

Prologue

If we offend, it is with our good will. That you should think, we come not to offend, But with good will. To show our simple skill, That is the true beginning of our end. Consider then we come but in despite. We do not come as minding to contest you, Our true intent is. All for your delight We are not here. That you should here repent you, The actors are at hand and by their show You shall know all that you are like to know.

THESEUS

This fellow doth not stand upon points.

LYSANDER

He hath rid his prologue like a rough colt; he knows not the stop. A good moral, my lord: it is not enough to speak, but to speak true.

HIPPOLYTA

Indeed he hath played on his prologue like a child on a recorder; a sound, but not in government.

THESEUS

Enter Pyramus and Thisbe, Wall, Moonshine, and Lion

Prologue

Exeunt Prologue, Thisbe, Lion, and Moonshine

THESEUS

I wonder if the lion be to speak.

DEMETRIUS

No wonder, my lord: one lion may, when many asses do.

Wall

In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.

THESEUS

Would you desire lime and hair to speak better?

DEMETRIUS

Enter Pyramus

THESEUS

Pyramus draws near the wall: silence!

Pyramus

Wall holds up his fingers

THESEUS

The wall, methinks, being sensible, should curse again.

Pyramus

Enter Thisbe

Thisbe

O wall, full often hast thou heard my moans, For parting my fair Pyramus and me! My cherry lips have often kiss'd thy stones, Thy stones with lime and hair knit up in thee.

Pyramus

I see a voice: now will I to the chink, To spy an I can hear my Thisby's face. Thisby!

Thisbe

My love thou art, my love I think.

Pyramus

Think what thou wilt, I am thy lover's grace; And, like Limander, am I trusty still.

Thisbe

And I like Helen, till the Fates me kill.

Pyramus

Not Shafalus to Procrus was so true.

Thisbe

As Shafalus to Procrus, I to you.

Pyramus

O kiss me through the hole of this vile wall!

Thisbe

I kiss the wall's hole, not your lips at all.

Pyramus

Wilt thou at Ninny's tomb meet me straightway?

Thisbe

Exeunt Pyramus and Thisbe

Wall

Exit

THESEUS

Now is the mural down between the two neighbours.

DEMETRIUS

No remedy, my lord, when walls are so wilful to hear without warning.

HIPPOLYTA

This is the silliest stuff that ever I heard.

THESEUS

The best in this kind are but shadows; and the worst are no worse, if imagination amend them.

HIPPOLYTA

It must be your imagination then, and not theirs.

THESEUS

Enter Lion and Moonshine

Lion

You, ladies, you, whose gentle hearts do fear The smallest monstrous mouse that creeps on floor, May now perchance both quake and tremble here, When lion rough in wildest rage doth roar. Then know that I, one Snug the joiner, am A lion-fell, nor else no lion's dam; For, if I should as lion come in strife Into this place, 'twere pity on my life.

THESEUS

A very gentle beast, of a good conscience.

DEMETRIUS

The very best at a beast, my lord, that e'er I saw.

LYSANDER

This lion is a very fox for his valour.

THESEUS

True; and a goose for his discretion.

DEMETRIUS

Not so, my lord; for his valour cannot carry his discretion; and the fox carries the goose.

THESEUS

His discretion, I am sure, cannot carry his valour; for the goose carries not the fox. It is well: leave it to his discretion, and let us listen to the moon.

Moonshine

This lanthorn doth the horned moon present;--

DEMETRIUS

He should have worn the horns on his head.

THESEUS

He is no crescent, and his horns are invisible within the circumference.

Moonshine

This lanthorn doth the horned moon present; Myself the man i' the moon do seem to be.

THESEUS

This is the greatest error of all the rest: the man should be put into the lanthorn. How is it else the man i' the moon?

DEMETRIUS

He dares not come there for the candle; for, you see, it is already in snuff.

HIPPOLYTA

I am aweary of this moon: would he would change!

THESEUS

It appears, by his small light of discretion, that he is in the wane; but yet, in courtesy, in all reason, we must stay the time.

LYSANDER

Proceed, Moon.

Moonshine

All that I have to say, is, to tell you that the lanthorn is the moon; I, the man in the moon; this thorn-bush, my thorn-bush; and this dog, my dog.

DEMETRIUS

Enter Thisbe

Thisbe

This is old Ninny's tomb. Where is my love?

Lion

Thisbe runs off

DEMETRIUS

Well roared, Lion.

THESEUS

Well run, Thisbe.

HIPPOLYTA

The Lion shakes Thisbe's mantle, and exit

THESEUS

Well moused, Lion.

LYSANDER

And so the lion vanished.

DEMETRIUS

Enter Pyramus

Pyramus

Sweet Moon, I thank thee for thy sunny beams; I thank thee, Moon, for shining now so bright; For, by thy gracious, golden, glittering gleams, I trust to take of truest Thisby sight. But stay, O spite! But mark, poor knight, What dreadful dole is here! Eyes, do you see? How can it be? O dainty duck! O dear! Thy mantle good, What, stain'd with blood! Approach, ye Furies fell! O Fates, come, come, Cut thread and thrum; Quail, crush, conclude, and quell!

THESEUS

This passion, and the death of a dear friend, would go near to make a man look sad.

HIPPOLYTA

Beshrew my heart, but I pity the man.

Pyramus

Stabs himself

Exit Moonshine

Dies

DEMETRIUS

No die, but an ace, for him; for he is but one.

LYSANDER

Less than an ace, man; for he is dead; he is nothing.

THESEUS

With the help of a surgeon he might yet recover, and prove an ass.

HIPPOLYTA

How chance Moonshine is gone before Thisbe comes back and finds her lover?

THESEUS

Re-enter Thisbe

HIPPOLYTA

Methinks she should not use a long one for such a Pyramus: I hope she will be brief.

DEMETRIUS

A mote will turn the balance, which Pyramus, which Thisbe, is the better; he for a man, God warrant us; she for a woman, God bless us.

LYSANDER

She hath spied him already with those sweet eyes.

DEMETRIUS

And thus she means, videlicet:--

Thisbe

Stabs herself

Dies

THESEUS

Moonshine and Lion are left to bury the dead.

DEMETRIUS

Ay, and Wall too.

BOTTOM

[Starting up] No assure you; the wall is down that parted their fathers. Will it please you to see the epilogue, or to hear a Bergomask dance between two of our company?

THESEUS

A dance

Exeunt

Enter PUCK

PUCK

Enter OBERON and TITANIA with their train

OBERON

Through the house give gathering light, By the dead and drowsy fire: Every elf and fairy sprite Hop as light as bird from brier; And this ditty, after me, Sing, and dance it trippingly.

TITANIA

Song and dance

OBERON

Exeunt OBERON, TITANIA, and train

PUCK

If we shadows have offended, Think but this, and all is mended, That you have but slumber'd here While these visions did appear. And this weak and idle theme, No more yielding but a dream, Gentles, do not reprehend: if you pardon, we will mend: And, as I am an honest Puck, If we have unearned luck Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue, We will make amends ere long; Else the Puck a liar call; So, good night unto you all. Give me your hands, if we be friends, And Robin shall restore amends.

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