#so im telling myself ok. just jot it down as it's coming. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

courtney-deserved-better · 3 years

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whats ur writing schedule/process like! not in a “write faster” way, but i think once you mentioned writing in script form? and i like the way you wrote ur most recent fic! just curious bc ur works are just really good :)

this is a great question!!

if its not slippery slopes, ill usually get an idea for something and periodically jot down notes when they come to me until I feel like i have enough information to start writing (or if im just motivated), that's what i did for my horror challenge rewrite. and for stuff that's like... rewrites of an episode that aren't as character-focused as slippery slopes, i usually read the episode transcripts and try to replicate that total drama style with my own writing

for shorter oneshots, i usually just get a vague idea and run with it until i find a good ending spot, then i go back and clean it up a bit so the structure works

slippery slopes is an... interesting cycle. chapters are getting long enough that i cant just write them in one sitting any more (i think ch5 was the last chapter i did that for) and instead ill agonize over the beginning (always the hardest part to write for me) but once i get going with that i usually finish the chapter within a few days. then i reread the previous chapter to make sure it flows ok (and there aren't any contradictions) and then ill give myself a break where i dont do anything total drama related before coming back to edit and post. though before I do all that I type up notes and rough dialogue bits

and then once i post it it's like... a weight off my chest? like ive been purged or something?? idk its a weird sensation but im just like i Physically Cannot Write Anything For This Right Now and i don't start on the next chapter until that goes away. and then i either start the beginning and do nothing for a week before going back and finishing the chapter or i go into a manic state and write nonstop for a few days. right now i haven't reached a point where im ready to begin writing chapter 10 but i have a lot of notes for it.

(also as soon as i finish posting a chapter i try not to go on my laptop for like 12 hours so i don't obsessively refresh my email for comments. i love reading comments so much holy shit. please comment guys it makes fic authors feel so happy we will love you for it)

as for scripts: i am working on being a writer professionally, but specifically a playwright. writing in a script format comes more naturally to me than writing prose. funnily enough, i started posting fanfic just to practice my prose (and fix stuff in cobra kai that i didnt like) but things sort of... ended up here? idk man but im enjoying it.

right, so because writing in a script format is easier when im really struggling with a section in a fic ill usually scrap whatever i had and write it like a script, then translate that into prose. i was very excited to write the family videos for chapter 9 of slippery slopes, but i was Having Issues, so i redid it as a script and then rewrote that as prose. ill put the script version under the cut if you're interested in that.

but thank you so much for the question!! i do think my writing process is a bit unconventional but hey i think things are turning out well! if you have any more questions feel free to send them in!!

ok here is the last scene of ch 9 of slippery slopes in script format:

[SIERRA]

MOM: Hi honey! Omigosh this is so exciting! I bet you’re having such a great time! Especially since Chris is there! Is Chris watching this? Hi Chris! You know, I loooved you on that ice skating show. Your hair was fantastic! Well, it always is, haha. Do you really make your own hair gel? I’ve been trying to perfect the recipe but you’re just so hard to track down! Oh, you’re such a funny guy! I laughed sooo hard when you made all those jokes about marrying Chef.

Chef: hey!

Chris: ok just for the record, I wasn’t joking, we are married, Sierra tell your mom we’re married

Sierra: …can we just turn it off please

[COURTNEY]

DAD: Courtney, sayang, I know you’ve been going through a lot right now—

MOM: So you’d BETTER make it count. You’ve made it this far before, I want to see you getting all the way to the finale this time. And winning it. Enough moping about those hideous, good-for-nothing slackers! That’s what you get for hanging around freaks like them. You’re doing this for the million, now get the million. Is that clear?

ZARINA: And kick ass!

DAD: Zarina!

Video cuts out.

Alejandro: courtney you good?

Courtney: no, she’s right. Mama didn’t raise no quitter

Alejandro: [knows she’s still upset about duncan and gwen]

[ALEJANDRO]

MOM: Hola, Alejandro. We hope you are doing well, especially in such unsavory conditions. I’m glad to see you’ve made it to the final four— we expected nothing less, of course.

DAD: You have been utilizing your skills quite well. Though I wish you hadn’t been so… blatant about it. You’ll have to work twice as hard once this is over to convince people you’re trustworthy. But surely you were aware of that going into this… odd endeavor. That’s just politics. Reputation is everything.

JOSE: [snorts] Oh, and what a reputation you have, Al. I could easily compile hours of footage of your failures, but I, unlike you, do not waste my time on the frivolities of reality television. Though you always have been lacking in taste. Especially with that bratty girlfriend of yours— oh, my mistake, aren’t you dating the whiny weakling? It’s so hard to keep track! [laughs]

Alejandro: callate!

MOM: I’m sure Alejandro is just working an angle on them.

DAD: Whatever the case is, do not disappoint us.

[NOAH]

MOM: Hi Noah, I’m sorry, I don’t have time to record a full video, but I’m proud of you! Here are your sisters!

ISWARI: A million dollars? A million [bleep] dollars? Win it, Noah! Win it!

RUTH: Dude!! This is crazy! I know you can do this— good luck! Ark misses you! [holds up Ark who barks]

MARA: Are you insane? Why aren’t you dating Alejandro already?

Noah: shut up, mara, just because you can’t keep a boyfriend—

ANYA: Don’t let ‘em trick you! No mercy! Crush their skulls if you have to— no, wait, you’re not strong enough for that. We’ll get there!

LIYA: I say this as your sister, someone who loves you but is constantly annoyed by you— for someone who is quite literally a genius, you sure can be an idiot sometimes.

BALLARI: Okay, I literally have no idea how you’ve made it this far without an athletic bone in your body— are we sure you aren’t adopted? I’m kidding

ABS: You’re stubborn as hell when it comes to me, so you better be stubborn as hell when it comes to winning! And when you do win, get me a frozen yogurt machine, will you? I promise I won’t make you rock climb again!

JAEL: If you lose this, I’ll kill you with this racket. And then use your guts to make myself a new racket. So don’t fuck it up. Again.

Noah: [frozen, ashamed]

Sierra: well that was a mess

Courtney: ok show of hands, who felt better after hearing that? [no one raises hands]

Chris: yeah I was expecting this to be a lot more heartwarming…

Chef: chris just look at them. If they had stable home lives they wouldn’t be doing reality tv

Alejandro: can we please stop talking about this. Also aren’t you supposed to be flying the plane

Chef: oh fuck

Chris: yeah sure. I think im gonna call my mom

Everyone: …

Noah: ok so that was really shitty. Why dont we all go to first class and try and ignore our problems

Everyone: yeah ok sounds good

***

Courtney: so that sucked

Alejandro: at least your dad seems ok

Courtney: true. What are your guys dads like

Noah and Sierra: bold of you to assume I know my dad. Jinx

***

Alejandro: that last girl… you mentioned a sister who does tennis and hates you

Noah: yep

Alejandro: why?

Noah: none of your business. but… it is pretty justified

#slippery slopes #ask #anon #total drama #writing #fic #my fic

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yongtxt · 4 years

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hundred [johnny]

word count: 4.5k words

characters: boxer!johnny x doctor!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: blood/wound/stitches mentions, johnny hates hospitals but he likes the pretty doctor, [im not a doctor nor a boxer pls dont say that i have info wrong because I Know]

author’s note: i know this isnt long to some of u but to me it is and i havent written this much for so long im so proud of myself for finishing this:( it isnt that good but this is the first long fic ive written in a while and shhsdjk also i needed to get this out of my system ive thought about this au since that jcc came out where johnny and hyuck was doing muay thai plssss (i couldnt find a better gif tho) ok this is getting too long / feedback is appreciated tysm

Johnny Suh hated hospitals with a burning passion.

It wasn't from a past trauma nor was he afraid of it, it wasn't that serious. He wasn't exactly sure what the cause of it really was. If he had to make a guess, it was probably from the accumulation of the little things, the insignificant factors people would usually dismiss but bothered him enough that it contributed to the big hatred he built for hospitals.

Maybe it was the distinct smell of hospitals, it reeked of death and old people. Maybe it was the atmosphere of the fluorescent-lit hallways, always gloomy and heavy. Maybe it was also the fact that the fees were so expensive and yet the food they provide tasted horrible, even the coffee was a hit or miss. The only upside he could think of was people get better in hospitals, but even that wasn't assured.

Despite how much Johnny despised hospitals, he always finds himself coming back. If he wanted to get better, he had no choice but to go. He would endure the gruesome process over and over again whether it be to treat his wounds or to stitch his cuts.

With his jaw littered with small bruises and his lips busted at the corner, he sat impatiently on the hospital bed as he waited for his doctor. He was fiddling with his fingers, knuckles bruised the same way his face was. He looked beaten up, he always did.

The clothes he wore contradicted the state he was in, they were fresh and laid back. He looked like a college student from the way he dressed. A delinquent more like, if one considered his cuts and bruises. Before heading to the hospital, he always makes it a point to shower and make himself appear presentable to the public. Although no one really bothers to take notice of his effort, only him.

The sliding door opened and Johnny's attention shot up from his phone, his gaze meeting with yours. Your head popped in, peaking through the small crack you made. Your eyes lit up in recognition as it always did whenever you see him.

"Youngho-ssi?" You spoke almost as if it was a question, voice barely above a whisper to make sure you were in the correct room, about to tend the correct patient.

Johnny didn't understand why you always did that, call out his name as if this was the first time you were seeing him. At that point, you've been already acquainted with him enough due to his numerous trips to the hospital. Either way, he nods every time.

You gave him a small smile, widening the door enough so you could enter. You wore a white lab coat, a name tag pinned to your chest and a stethoscope hung around your neck. You were small, although anyone compared to him was bound to be comparatively smaller – that wasn't the point, you looked young and that never fails to astound him every time you go through the door.

You had a clipboard in your hands, scanning through what he assumed to be his condition that a nurse had written earlier after a quick checkup and disinfection of his open wound. Your lips were formed on a tight line, eyebrows furrowed. He continued to stare at you with such amusement.

"You don't have to answer my question, Youngho-ssi, but why are you always here?" You finally broke the silence, startling him in the slightest. You never bothered to ask before, always just offering smiles and small talks while you did your work; maybe his sudden regularity of coming to the hospital recently made your curiosity peaked.

He couldn't blame you. Anybody would be curious why a 24-year-old man keeps coming back to the hospital with no clear explanation.

He cleared his suddenly dry throat, he never liked saying his job. He said, "I box for a living."

"Ah, that makes sense!" Your eyes visibly glimmered, absentmindedly jotting down notes on his medical records. "My coworkers and I thought you were in a gang or something."

"I don't think I would be allowed to be here if I was." He chuckled, making you giggle as well.

"Seo Youngho, 24, minor lip laceration in need of immediate suture." You read of his data from the clipboard, almost comically. It was medical terms he was unfortunately already too familiar with, to him, it basically meant that he had a busted lip that needs to be sewed shut.

"You can just call me Johnny. Youngho sounds too formal to me." He said nonchalantly. You nodded your head to his simple request; it probably was best if you got to know him better since he frequented the hospital so much.

"Alright, Johnny. We'll start the process now, okay?"

With keen eyes, he watched you slip on a pair of surgical gloves. You grabbed a tissue from the metal tray that sat beside him and began folding it into squares. He felt his heartbeat quicken, he hated getting stitches or any form of medical treatments for that matter, but as morbid as it was, he thought of it as punishment for his recklessness in the ring.

"Isn't boxing just, I don't know, senseless violence?" You asked, tone dripping with pure innocence and unadulterated interest as you gently dabbed away the remaining dried blood the nurse failed to clean earlier.

"It's a sport, it's how I bring money to the table." He pursed his lips, ignoring the twinge of pain that surged through his nerves. He visibly relaxed when you placed a hand onto his shoulder to reassure him.

Ever since the first time you got assigned to him, the first thing he took note of was the softness of your hands. You handled him as if he was fragile glass, despite how he easily towered over you. He felt pathetic as a 24-year-old but your gentle touches would greatly help put him at ease.

"I guess. I didn't mean to be rude." You were hesitant, Johnny could tell but he was glad you didn't push on any further. He couldn't handle explaining his occupation when you were about to pierce his skin. "Okay, Johnny, now that your lip is clean and the anesthesia had seeped in, we'll start. I think you know how it goes by now."

"Make it quick, please." He nodded, squinting his eyes shut at the mere contact of a surgical pen grazing over his gaped lips. You were relieved that his cut wasn't too big, you couldn't stomach the idea of putting him in too much pain for longer.

As you picked up the tweezers and string of nylon, you couldn't help but laugh at the six-foot boxer in front of you who was clearly petrified of getting stitches, "This will be done as soon as you know it. You won't really feel it because of the anesthesia, remember? Now count to a hundred backward for me."

Once the numb feeling of nylon dragged through his lips, he swore he saw white spots flicker in his vision. His eyes immediately watered and he tried his best not to squirm under your hold, beginning to count to a hundred backward like you had instructed him to. You admitted it to him the first time you stitched him that it was a trick that you learned from your pediatrician friend. Despite it being for children, it helped to get him distracted while you focused on your job.

Minutes felt like hours, Johnny had been fighting the urge to punch something, anything, to release tension and nerves. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he took a peak and tried to take his attention away from what was currently happening on his lip. His gaze landed on your pretty eyes, how it was narrowed in focus and how your lashes perfectly framed it.

This wasn't the first time he'd observe you up close, there had been many occasions in the past that you had been too close for comfort in order to tend his wounds. It had been too many that it was almost as if he was close to memorizing your features. You were not only beautiful but you were also a smart and capable doctor.

Eventually, you finished and started to rub ointment on his sore lip — the finishing line.

"Try not to eat anything spicy or hard. You know the drill." You grinned at his suddenly pale features, ripping off your gloves as his eyes adjusted to the bright lights of the room. "You're good to go. Be careful next time."

He let out a shaky breath, clearly still winded up from the procedure, "I'll try. Thanks again, doc."

The punching bag felt great against Johnny's fists. There wasn't a feeling in the world that could compare to the impact of leather slamming against his skin. He could last hours mindlessly pummeling the bag if his stamina just allowed him to.

Hyunsik, Johnny's manager and personal trainer, drew away from the punching bag he held in between his arms. He let out a breath and held out a hand to motion that Johnny has done enough.

Johnny was hurting, Hyunsik could see that much. The bandages he had wrapped for the boxer's fingers were turning into a shade of red that they were all too familiar with.

Hyunsik clicked his tongue, "You should've used your gloves."

"How can I grow stronger if I keep relying on them?" Johnny rolled his eyes. His muscles needed a boost and this seemed to be the only logical way to strengthen them — a little blood never hurt anybody.

"Someday you're gonna fracture your hand and you'll be forced out of the ring. Remember that." Hyunsik huffed, his voice stern. "Take them off, I'll clean the blood off."

Johnny reluctantly did as told, unfurling the bandages wrapped around his fingers. The pain was excruciating when the fabric grazed along his tender skin, he winced at the unsightly view of his reopened wounds.

Hyunsik led him back outside of the ring to the benches where the first aid kit was. He made the boxer sit down so he could start cleaning off his wounds. It looked horrific, more so than it usually did and he had no choice but to break the news to Johnny.

"It looks really bad. You need to go get that checked in the hospital and have it sewed back." Hyunsik said, taking a wet towel and carefully dabbing it across Johnny's bloodied knuckles.

He didn't want to go to the hospital. Going to the hospital to have his wounds treated meant that Johnny would be medically required to take days off work to let his hand heal. Johnny frowned, "Don't you have an ointment or something that could help? I can't afford to lose a day of practice."

"Don't you think I know that?" Hyunsik rolled his eyes. "As your manager, I want you to be in top shape for your match next week, even if it means sacrificing a day or two for you to heal."

Johnny could only nod. He sat through Hyunsik's lecture on the changes he should make to his dietary plan and the exercises he should do during his temporary break. It infuriated him that he couldn't do anything about it but nod along.

The incoming match that was set next week would make or break his career as an underground boxer. He didn't have the option of missing it because of some measly reopened wounds. If he had to rest to get better, he had no choice but to suck it up. This was his fault anyway for pushing himself too much.

Johnny showered in the locker rooms and changed into nicer clothes that didn't reek of blood and sweat. His hands were stinging but he shook it off.

He ignored the concerned looks other boxers were giving him and begrudgingly made his way to the hospital to get himself checked in. You wouldn't be happy to see him all bloodied again, he thought.

Much to Johnny's surprise, it wasn't you who was assigned to him. It was a much older doctor with graying hair and a nose stuck too far up in the air. She was rude and condescending, her lack of politeness to her patients was quite appalling. If Johnny wasn't in such a bad mood, he might've complained already.

God, this day couldn't get any worse.

With a meek voice, Johnny asked where you were and at the mention of your name, his doctor gave him a narrowed look. She sneered, "She's handling much more important cases. Does she know you?"

"I think so." Johnny gulped, unsure of the answer himself.

The doctor's grip was tight and she was hasty. It was as if she was trying to speed through the process to just get it over with. Johnny wanted to cry because he was starting to get traumatized by this doctor's procedure, he didn't want to hate the hospital more than he already did.

He internally screamed for your name as he watched the doctor pull on the gloves. The sliding door harshly whipped open and there you were in all your glory, like an angel sent from above to save him from the devil incarnate who was about to pierce his skin.

You were panting and the sheen on your forehead made it obvious that you ran your way to his room. Johnny's heart leaped with glee.

"Unnie, I'll handle him." You said, unable to catch your breath as you made your way inside. "I think the ER needs you more than me."

The doctor seemed hesitant at first but you tried to convince her otherwise. She eventually agreed and left you with Johnny who had a cheesy smile on his face the entire time since you've arrived.

"So Johnny, what happened this time?" You asked, picking up the clipboard that sat next to him on the bed.

"I overdid the punching during training and it reopened some old wounds on my knuckles. It hurts like a bitch."

You pulled a face, "That's a bit intense."

He chuckled, "It's normal."

"Can I please see it?" You opened your palm so he could place his hand on yours. You observed his cuts and the scabs that were beginning to form around it, it was too deep to let it heal on its own so you made the verdict that he needed to get it sewed back together ⁠— as unfortunate as it was since he was a boxer and he needed his hands to box.

You tugged on a new pair of gloves and began the painful procedure, Johnny started counting down even without you instructing him to. You quickly got to work and stitched back his wounds with your lip in between your teeth

Johnny felt squeamish, he could never get used to the feeling of stitches. His eyes were glued shut and he mumbled numbers like it was mantra.

Once you were done, you smiled fondly at your work. You managed to get by with fewer stitches and you felt pride swell up in your chest. Johnny noticed and, as lightheaded as he was, couldn't help but smile as well.

"You're pretty good."

"At stitching?"

Johnny nodded with his cheeks flushed, he made a mental reminder to smack himself in the head later for such a crude comment. You probably thought he was an idiot now.

"I sure hope so." You chuckled, making him blush even deeper if that was even possible. "It's part of my job."

Johnny shook his head in embarrassment, his dark hair bouncing from how vigorously he did it. He mumbled, "That sounded really lame and not smooth, I'm sorry. Please forget I opened my mouth."

You could only chuckle as you apply the ointment around his knuckles. He wanted the ground to open up and just swallow him whole.

"Please let this heal completely, Johnny. Don't apply any strain on your injuries for a couple of days and refrain yourself from carrying anything heavy so that the stitches won't rip." You said, carefully placing down his hand back on his knee. You were gentle as ever, Johnny swooned. "Absolutely no punching for a while."

"I have an important match at the end of next week. Is there any way to speed up the healing process?" Johnny asked, his eyes were almost pleading at you and you blinked at him in surprise.

"Apart from what I just said, there's really nothing else you could do." You pursed your lips, watching his expression visibly deflate. "If you want to have even a sliver of a chance at winning your match, I suggest you do as I say. Your stitches won't take too long to heal, I promise."

If Hyunsik was there with him, he would've probably already scolded him but the point would be the same. He had always prioritized Johnny's health above winning.

"Okay, doc. I'll do my best." Johnny said, defeated.

"You know, I always see the aftermath of your matches and your training. I want to see you in the ring next time when you're not bloody and beaten up yet." You smiled at him and you swore that all the color that was previously drained from Johnny's face came rushing back. "If it's okay."

"Are you serious?" Johnny asked, almost dumbfounded. Did the pretty doctor he'd been crushing on for months really just asked if she could watch his match?

You nodded with the same hue of red now tainting your cheeks.

"O-Of course! It's on Saturday next week! Please come and cheer me on!" Like a little kid, he excitedly rambled on about the details about the upcoming match and you nodded with the same enthusiast as you wrapped bandages around his hands.

You weren't from his world so everything he said sounded foreign to you. The terms he said, the infamy of his opponents, the prominence of it all — you were eager to learn it if it meant seeing him this happy.

You've always known that he hated hospitals. It was clear from the way he acted during your first meeting. He was stiff and tense, the body language he exuded just screamed that he wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of there. As he visited the hospital more and more, you noticed the hatred never faltered. He only became better at hiding it from you.

To see him so relaxed and carefree within the four walls he hated with all his being, it was a breath of fresh air and the feeling you had in your chest grew stronger.

"You're good to go. I promise to see you in your match." You were jotting some last-minute details on the clipboard and you missed the way Johnny kept grinning like an idiot. "As much as I love seeing you here, I hate that you keep getting yourself injured. Keep out of trouble for me, Johnny."

You left the room without letting Johnny say another word.

Fuck, Johnny realized he hadn't asked for your number.

Johnny's match started in ten minutes. His heart was pounding in his ears, he almost couldn't hear what Hyunsik was shouting to him.

The underground stadium was filled to the brim with people, he felt more nervous than he did during his first boxing match. A lot was at stake for this win, he needed the belt. He was desperate for it.

"Johnny, are you listening to me?" Hyunsik raised his voice, aggressively slapping Johnny's cheeks together in his hands so he could focus on him. The boxer's mind was fleeting and it was his job to pull him back to reality now.

He hadn't seen you since last week and as much as he wanted to go back to the hospital to see you, he refused to badly hurt himself in the days that led up to the match. Johnny scanned the crowd for your face but he couldn't see it. You weren't there.

At the lack of your turnout, he failed to mask his disappointment. Hyunsik let out an aggravated groan and pulled the boxer on his feet to berate him further.

"Johnny, please for the love of all things holy, look me in the eye."

"I'm sorry. I'm okay now. I'm listening."

"Good because your match is starting soon and I need you to win this. All your hardships and sacrifices boils down to this match, you hear me?" Hyunsik bellowed, trying his best to keep his voice louder than the cries and chants of the audience. "Show them what Johnny Suh is capable of!"

Johnny nodded fervently, forcing himself into a state of serenity of peacefulness. He let out heavy breaths to even out his breathing as his team surrounded him, prepping him for what was about to come.

Hyunsik raised his hand at Johnny. He had five minutes left until his match started and he wasn't calming down.

"Can I please have some water?" Johnny asked and his medic stumbled on his feet to fetch him a bottle from the nearby cooler. He couldn't help but let out a shaky chuckle, his team seemed tenser than he was.

He downed the bottle as soon as it reached his hand. His hand was shaky. Goddammit, why was he so nervous?

At the corner of his eye, he saw Hyunsik making his way over to the barricade that separated his corner to the rest of the stadium. He arched his neck in a way that would let him take a peek what was so important that Hyunsik had to leave his side when the match was starting in a few minutes.

It seemed like Hyunsik was trying to stop a girl who was forcing her way in through the barricade. His stomach lurched at the sight of her familiar face.

As if he was acting purely on instinct, Johnny shot up from his seat and ran towards you. Hyunsik held up his arm to stop him from going any closer to you. You could've been a deranged fan, for all Hyunsik knows.

"Johnny-"

"I know her."

Hyunsik was startled at his response and started to profusely apologize to you. You looked nothing but smug and Johnny let out a breathy laugh that helped unravel the knots in his stomach. The boxer quietly motioned for him to take his leave and Hyunsik hesitantly did as told only after tapping his wrist as a sign that time was ticking.

You bowed at him apologetically, "I'm so sorry I'm late! There was this damn patient-"

"It's okay. You're here now." He cut you off, a cheesy smile on his face. You easily reciprocated it back.

"I just came down here to wish you good luck." You said with the usual confidence in your tone gone and now replaced with a sudden timidness and bashfulness. "Not like you need it or anything."

"Where are you sitting?" Johnny asked, noticing that you were struggling to keep your attention on his eyes. He peered down and realized that he didn't have a shirt on, he chuckled.

You pointed near the walls of the stadium and he strained his vision to see so far away. He pursed his lips and let out a noise of discontent. You said that it was the only seats available because you were so late.

"Why don't you sit here with them? They wouldn't mind." Johnny said, jutting his thumb over to his team who was furtively watching his interaction.

"Oh no, it's okay."

"I insist. I want you to see me win up close."

You blushed a deep shade of scarlet and Johnny grinned at his successful attempt at a flirt. Was it even a flirt or was it an ego stroke? Either way, it didn't matter because you were smiling at him. You were easing his nerves and you didn't even know.

"I got out of my shift early so I wouldn't be in the hospital later to stitch you up." You teased, softly prodding his shoulder blade.

Johnny playfully puffed out his chest, "I don't plan on getting too injured today, I wanna look cool in front of you."

"Whatever you say, Johnny."

"But I'm nervous. I'm actually really nervous today." Johnny mumbled as if he didn't want anyone else in on your conversation, gone all traces of his cockiness as his heart thudded erratically against his chest when he heard Hyunsik's call of the last minute until he has to go inside the ring.

You gingerly reached for his taped hands and gave it a gentle squeeze, "Just count back from a hundred like I always tell you to. You'll do fine."

"Wait for me after the match, okay?" And so you did.

Counting down the numbers, Johnny clambered inside the ring and the bell rang to signal the start of the match. Being in the medical field meant that you were against all forms of violence so you couldn't really watch the entirety of the match without feeling sick to your stomach. Johnny didn't care, he was just happy that you kept your promise and was cheering him on.

It was hectic and everything was happening all at once. It was loud and everybody was screaming. This wasn't your world, it was Johnny's and your heart fluttered at the thought that he was willing to let you in it.

Eventually, the match ended in Johnny's favor and the next thing you knew, you were being hoisted up in the air. You had the biggest smile on your face, similar to Johnny's who now had a shiny belt slung over his shoulder. All his hard work and all his trips to the hospital paid off.

"Congrats on your win!" You exclaimed, placing your palms on his chest to steady yourself.

"I wanted you to see me get the belt." He admittedly sheepishly, reaching out to hold your wrists in his bruised hands.

"Aren't you hurt in any way? We can drop by the hospital if you want." You asked, checking to see if he had any major injuries but true to his word, Johnny was inflicted little to no injuries during the match, exclude the few bruises on his jaw and a busted lip

"Actually, I'd rather we get some coffee instead." Johnny said, the small smile on his lips making you chuckle.

"I'm sorry, I don't date my patients." You smirked at Johnny's crestfallen expression, softly shoving his side to make it known that you were only joking.

Johnny pulled a face, releasing a breath he didn't realize he was holding once he realized your joke. He played along, "I think you can make me an exception, I don't usually invite people to my matches."

"So this is about getting even, huh?" You were teasing him and now your faces were merely inches apart but before Johnny could even think of leaning in, you spun around and grabbed his hand once more. "C'mon then, my treat!"

Johnny let out a laugh. A boxer and a doctor, who would've thought?

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meruz · 4 years

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any advice for comic layouts?? i really like the way you do ur comics

this is a really interesting question!! and it took me a lot of thinking as to how to answer.... I don’t know if I can give advice per se because I feel like I’m still figuring out a comics process myself, but I can try to walk you through what I’ve done thus far

Lets take this one page comic..

my comic process tends to be 2 tiered. once I have an idea of what I want to draw, I have a brainstorming/sketch phase where I will essentially just jot down whatever layouts and images first come to mind and experiment with them, making a bunch of drawings that have minor tweaks (shown above as Draft 1).You can see I really wanted to sell the deadpan expression in the last panel so I sketched out a couple different iterations. And I wanted to explore what the latte art would look like and how it would transform. A lot of this is not very well drafted, just ugly shorthand just to see what resonates with me visually. I generally do this on paper (often with pen) so I don’t feel the compulsion to fiddle with any particular drawing too much. less focus on perfecting and more focus on iterating.

Once I think I’ve got a good idea of the visuals, I’ll bring it into the computer where I can copy paste and move things around with transform tools in order to come up with a rough layout. My thought process kind of goes like this

I know I want the 1st and 4th panel to hit hard so I prioritize them in the layout and make them break the gutters. the other panels I keep contained and focus on pacing/contrast to tell their story. I think a comic page can generally have only one or two big moments before it becomes cluttered so it’s important for me to establish those first and work around it.

Similar goes for a slightly longer comic.

The process remains pretty much the same. This one is a scene adapted from a videogame cutscene so I’m working from a bit of a script and a bit of the cutscene compositions. I spend a bunch of time at my sketchbook brainstorming and I figure out pretty early on I’ll probably need two pages between the dialogue I want to fit in, the set up of the threat, and the big line drop. I know I want a panel where asch is standing in the middle of the room surrounded by enemies so I do some sketches to test out his silhouette and try to figure out if I want him to be half turned to the camera or fully turned when he says his big line. By the end of it I’m starting to piece together a layout.

Thought process is as follows:

Every piece of art has to be planned around the format through which its consumed and for comics on the internet its either a scroll or a click. I’m posting this comic in two pages so I want to plan for my impact to be made on clicking from one page to the next which spurs me to put the close-up at the head of the 2nd page. Since I want to build tension up to that reveal I consciously decide to make most of the panels on the first page small and obscure stuff like faces so things feel rushed and uncertain. for comics small panel = fast and big panel = slow. in terms of how the reader processes the information. I save the single big panel on the 1st page for the establishing shot of the conflict and add in a panel at the bottom to start the proverbial drum beat for the 2nd pg reveal.

I make the 2nd panel on the 2nd page a big one to let the page turn line ring in the air and also to solidly establish how the perspective of the battle turns when you realize the character’s resolve.

Of course, I didn’t think any of that stuff to myself as I was making it. I think a common misconception I want to dispel is that, contrary to how it appears when people break down comic pages, few artists will explicitly plan out the way your eye is supposed to move across the page. I think more likely is that if you read a lot of comics and you draw a lot of comics you form a visual (non-verbal! often unconscious) understanding of what has impact and what will create tension and which speechbubbles to read first. And putting it to paper is just trial and error coming off of that instinct. Maybe. I don’t know.

Sorry this is really rambly. And I don’t really have any advice... I guess if I had to sum it up... be aware of what you want the reader to focus on, where you want the reader to gasp and where you want them to laugh. what you want the reader to know vs not know. this sort of stuff should inform your decision making the most.

Also don’t take my advice. There’s a lot of people who are way better at this stuff than me. I recommend reading comics you like and studying them! And heres some resources also I guess

- Understanding Comics/Reinventing Comics/Making Comics by Scott Mccloud

I specifically had Making Comics on my shelf (one of my RISD classes forced me to buy it lol) but the others are great too. I think some may look at the Scott Mccloud books and call them basic but that’s just another way to say /fundamental/. They’re great at explaining the bare bones of comics and entertaining to boot so always worth at least a look, I think.

- Framed Ink by Marcos Mateu-Menstre

This book is less about comics and more about general visual storytelling... iirc Mateu-menstre mainly does storyboarding professionaly. But it’s a great overview of the composition of visual storytelling. This guy is also like a perspective extraordinaire.

- Wally Wood’s 22 panels that always work

This is just this one cheat sheet image but it’s worth studying. Wally Wood was a Silver Age american comics artist who made this page with his assistant in part to coach younger Marvel comics artists.

OK IM DONE TALKING :’ ) happy october everyone

#Anonymous #yet another longass blog post I guess #shut up meru

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imanes · 3 years

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Hello imane! Because of the pandemic, I still have all my uni classes online & idk ive been feeling v stuck in life like ik everyone has and im v privileged compared to alot of people but just submitting assignments in the same old home environment everyday. Ik we all have to get through this but life feels joyless and dull. Just endlessly depressing. So i wanted to ask u how u idk made life exciting while u were working from home? Like any rituals or a routine or hobbies?

hi angel! tbh i don’t know if i’ve suceeded in making my home life very exciting in the last year, but there are a few things that helped. my desk used to face a wall and it got really old after a couple of weeks of always staring at purple paint all day long so i turned my desk around to face the window, and surprisingly that helped a lot. having the cats around definitely do a lot of good things for my mind too. i decluttered my space, i burn a candle every day, got a lot of comfy clothes to wear around the house. i also take showers during my lunch break lol. i have a thing for fancy drinks so i got myself quite the selection of teas, coffees and various drinks to prepare at different points throughout the day. taking walks got real old bc living in the city means taking ugly street upon ugly street for little pay-off so i don’t really have that outlet akjkfjgld. one thing that really helped me was making my own food and be diligent with my meals by making sure i was treating myself to things i wanted to eat and by trying new meals and prepping my own pickles and fermented foods! i feel proud of myself even when i make a sandwich bc i can put in stuff i pickled myself etc, and it constitutes a highlight of my day even if it’s based on something i made many days ago. i make sure i talk to my friends every day, even if it’s just to share memes. i’d say just little things make a whole lot of difference when you add them up. starting tomorrow i’m going to do that 30 day yoga challenge thing by adrienne something something because to be honest i have a LONG way to go when it comes to my physical health and i really need to start generating happy hormones by working out and involving myself physically into activities. as far as food for thought is concerned i’ve been following a lot of webinars on decolonisation, anti-racism and stuff, it’s a topic i’ve always been interested in and i feel very lucky to be able to assist to so many online conferences where scholars and activists come together to share their expertise.

as far as hobbies are concerned, i’ve taken up playing electric guitar a few weeks ago and i’m getting back into drawing and painting a little, but i wouldn’t say it’s something i’m doing to alleviate the constraints of working from home if that makes any sense, it’s more part of a long-term plan to be more creative. and as usual i read a lot! reading is my favorite thing to do, especially now that life is so boring and monotonous. fiction is literally making me feel alive by proxy as pathetic as it sounds lmao. but i’m not berating myself for that, and neither should you. yes there is a mountain of privilege involved in being able to work or study from home when so many are at the end of their rope. however, it does not invalidate the fact that after nearly a year of repetitive lockdowns, isolation and general threat to mental and physical health, there is a lot of people who feel at the end of their rope and are still trying to find the silver lining somewhere. i think a lot of people have started journaling, which is cool, and jotting down stuff they feel grateful about, which works for some people but for me it’d be counterproductive. it all comes down to trial and error and see what makes you feel alive. lately even doing my laundry has been a highlight of my days bc i love the smell of cleanliness (it’s the virgo in me...).

last but not least u can join our book club~ the link is in the bio. to be honest it’s a book club but it’s not mandatory to read, there are plenty of channels and it’s a nice occasion to chat with people about common interests. if you feel like socialising that is <3 just being able to chat about this or that w/ cool people in a positive space does wonder for my feelings of depression and loneliness.

ok i typed a lot but idk if this has been of any help lol i’m a boring person and i don’t do any spiritual stuff or think about mindfulness at all and i’ve got a laundry list of issues to deal with so i don’t even feel qualified to share advice but at the end of the day i just wanted to tell u that i wish u the best and that u find ur cruising speed, and that if u do and lose it for a bit, it doesn’t mean that u can’t get back on track!! i wish the both of us and everybody else a better future

#Anonymous

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fromzerotoeuphoria · 4 years

Text

me watching the Free! Timeless Medley films

A jotting down of my thoughts while watching the Free! Timeless Medley films (but really it’s just yet another gush sesh about RinHaru I’M SORRY I CAN’T HELP IT 😩)

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Timeless Medley 1: The Bond

1:36 AM | Okay, starting the first film and omg I found a dub version! 🙌🏽

Also, dang woah already this opens up with drama and tension, but this time it’s with Ikuya (with Haru correlating whatever happened with Ikuya with Rin (but nothing comes close to what happened with Rin heh 😁)).

Oh and after the Ikuya/Rin dream is the scene of Haru curling up on his bed looking lonely and sad and like he needs a cuddle ☹

OMG this music is too emo ugh I love it

And OMGGGG Haru and Rin’s race was AFTER High Speed/Haru joining the middle school swim team. So when he quit swimming because of Rin, it caused strain between him and the others on the team #howdidijudtgetthisnow

Aww Makoto and Haru’s friendship montage is adorable!! Look at the lil squishy babies :((((( chibi!MakoHaru is too stinkin cute

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2:02 AM | UMMMMM WHY DIDNT RIN GET HIS OWN PANEL IN THE INTRO MAY I ASK????? 😒 Y'all better not do my baby and my ship dirty in this film…

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2:07 AM | okay okay, that montage of rinharu was *chefs kiss* Kinda wished it happened with Haruka thinking about it instead of the teachers discussing the boys, but in a way it goes to show how much Haru is tied to Rin without even realizing it, kinda like how he hated to admit even to himself how much he admired and cared for Rin in elementary school

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2:29 AM | yes it’s another rinharu trash update, but like: when Kisumi meets Haru again for the first time since junior high, he points out to Haru how they met right after RIN left overseas and how Haru always seemed pretty down about that. This was before the race between him and Rin that ended with the both of them quitting swimming, meaning that Haru was obviously down about Rin leaving alone, not only because the race went bad. And the fact that others saw it too is just UGH, I mean yeah we already knew Rin leaving had such an impact on Haru but like he was visibly down and affected by Rin’s departure, so even though Rin was just a short time in Haru’s life, he still left such a huge impact on Haru. Rin truly was a shooting star, a brilliant glittering light that blazed into Haru’s life and left just as quickly. But he showed Haru something beautiful, something Haru had never seen before, like only a shooting star would. UGH OMG IM SO EMO I LOVE MY SHIP 😭💫💖

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2:50 AM | aww eeeeeek the gang is at regionals and Rei just overheard a guy from another team walking by mention how when he was in a rut, some kid with glasses recommended to him books on mental training and AWWWW IT WAS ASAHI from High Speed!!! And Rei stood up and stared after the team because he knew that the guy was talking about him!! Aaaaaaah okay so I’m glad I’m watching these compilation films because these new scenes are so great and really set things up wonderfully for Season 3.

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3:04 | ummmm I think I may be crushing on grown Rin too 😣

Rin and Haru are in Australia right now and ugh Rin’s just…he’s just so chill and calming (well, when’s he’s not all fired up at least) and the way he lazes himself arounf and just LOUNGES when he sits and the way he slings his arm around people is AHEM so attractive. Also ,his fashion sense is *chef’s kiss* And he has a sensitive, artistic-soul AND have I mentioned how his entrance scene when he first showed up as an adult in S01E01 WAS FRIGGIN HOT, like the way that music came in with the close ups of his face and his swaggering saunter was just *gesticulates wildly because words don’t do it justice*

…yeahhhh it was a lot, Rin is a lot, and I’m surprised it took me this long to start (possibly) crushing on adult Rin T_T

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3:33 AM | Okay, I’m finished with part 1 of Timeless Medley, and why did that ending scene with Ikuya actually get me psyched for watching how things play out with him in Season 3? 👀 I hope I like Ikuya in DTTF, because right now he’s tugging at my heartstrings and is begging me to put him in my pocket for safe-keeping (plus glimpsing him as a high schooler kinda made me feel some type of uwu way). Seems like things will be intense, because Ikuya resents Haru for quitting the swim team and honestly, I feel for Ikuya: he had no friends until Haru, Mako, Asahi and Kisumi came into his life, and the swim team meant so much to him. So for Haru to quit like he did…yeah I can see why Ikuya would resent him. It’ll be interesting to see things unfold in Season 3. Until then, onto Part 2!

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Timeless Medley 2: The Promise

3:42 AM | I’m literally like 7 seconds into this and already I’m UWUSKFJSAHHAKK!!!! WE GET LITTLE RIN and I hope this means we’ll get a lot of elementary school Rin *crosses fingers* Also…umm dang but like Rin’s dad was a looker too 👀 Rin doesn’t look much like him though, so he must take after his mom.

OMG this opening backstory for Rin, showing his relationship with his dad and how he was heartbroken when his father died, how he stepped up at such a young age to be the support to his family…I THINK IM FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM 😭😭😭😭😭 And Mama Matsuoka is gorgeous whattheheck. The entire Matsuoka family is beautiful, like wow.

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4:52 AM | Ugh Rin is just…ugh the way Sousuke told Rin the reason he didn’t tell him earlier about his injury was because, “I knew it would break your heart” was just ERHGNSJSNSJJSJDKD 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Rin is such a passionate, sensitive soul who truly cares about those he loves and his heart breaks for other people, and it’s just like UGHHH 😭😭😭😭 Like he even cried a little when the guys surprised him with the pool full of cherry blossoms because Rin is just that sentimental kind of man and omg I LOVE HIMMMM 😭💖💖💖

Also: okay dang EVERYONE wants to swim with Rin: Haruka and Nitori and Sousuke, like Rin really does have folks falling for him left and right THAT’S MY BABY’S POWER.

I wish the films had more RinHaru but it’s ok the added scenes make up for it 😝 Plus…RINHARURALIA (so i can’t be too greedy)

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5:16 AM | I’m watching the end after credits and the scene with Gou and Rin with Rin carrying Gou’s bags and walking her home is EVERYTHING. He’s also an awesome gentlemanly brother?? Rin PLEASE you’re killing me!

✧

The thing is, Rin as an adult isn’t spectacular like a Levi Ackerman (my first hubby), but there’s constantly these moments of a brilliant shining light that he displays, and it just guts you and makes you fall for him more and more. They’re subtle, yet so very effective and I just…ugh STAHP okay, I need to be done, this entire overview of Timeless Medley thus far has just been 85% gushing about Rin and the rest gushing about RinHaru 😅🙈 I need to force myself to call it a night because it’s almost 5:30 in the morning and I need to NOT watch the third film Take Your Marks and instead just GO TO BED.

Rin Matsuoka, please stop making me fall in love with you because I’m falling way too hard way too fast and I already have an anime husband (though I doubt Levi cares enough to be mad about it).

(reposted from original blog, July 26, 2020)

#what even was the point of this when all i did was gush over rin matsuoka #HELP I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH RIN MATSUOKA #why did it take me this long #me watching free!#me watching anime #free!#free! iwatobi swim club #free! timeless medley #rin matsuoka #haruka nanase #ikuya kirishima #makoto tachibana #rinharu #harurin

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theultimatenonbinarynerd · 4 years

Text

Ok, so I'm gonna start posting one-shots from my post putting others first one-shot book onto here. First, we have Trust In Me which is Roceit obviously.

Synopsis: It's been an entire week since the video and Roman hasn't come out of his room at all, not even to eat. After a discussion with Thomas and a heavy scolding from Remus, Janus realises that Roman has had a severe creative burn out.

Can Janus help Roman recover?

P.s This is based on my head cannon that Janus can force sides to sleep if they're not looking after themselves. I know in the video it saids denial but I think Janus's core functions are Deceit and Self Preservation especially because of the language he used during putting others first.

Tw: Self Harm, not looking after one's self and creative burnout.

It had been nearly over a week since the video and Roman had refused to let anyone in his room. After a talk with Virgil and Janus, they had both managed to make amends, Patton was so relieved. Thomas not only took time for himself but he talked with Virgil and reassured him that he trusted him. The youtuber also apologised to Logan for ignoring him and reassured him that he would listen to him more often. However, Thomas was overworking himself and began to sleep less. Everyone including Thomas thought Roman needed time to heal, boy they were wrong.

That brought Thomas to today, he was sleep-deprived and barely functioning. He knew that Janus would be the best one to call to help solve the problem due to him being the expert on self-care.

Janus sunk up in his new spot in the kitchen. He looked at Thomas with deep worry and concern.

"How can I help you, Thomas?!"

"I haven't been able to sleep, I took your advice but then I kept staying up later and later jotting down ideas."

"Ah, I see, Roman hasn't come out of his room since the video, he hasn't come down for meals. Every time Patton has left a plate outside Roman's door it has remained untouched. We haven't even been able to sink into Roman's room."

"Oh no that's bad!"

"Heck yeah and you deserve it, Roman's half of the imagination was on fire and I had to put it out all by myself."

"That kind of language won't help Thomas, Remus."

"You don't have the right to tell me what to do! Especially after you abandoned me and broke my brother."

"Re, he made fun of my name, he needed to know he was wrong. I was just trying to teach him."

"Don't you lie to me, you know your comeback broke him, in fact, it was worse. Look at Thomas and tell me that's a sign Thomas is ok."

"Your right, Thomas im going to use my powers on Roman. Lie down as you may begin to feel yourself drift off. Also, I advise you take a creative break as that will help Roman fully recover from whatever state he's gotten himself into."

"Thanks, Janus, make sure to send him to me when he feels better."

"Don't worry I will do, now do yourself a favour and sleep."

Thomas sunk into the covers and looked up to the sky before trying to fall asleep. Meanwhile, Janus and Remus sunk into the mindscape and hurried to Roman's Room. Remus tried the door nob but it was locked.

"Remus break down the door!"

"Yes sir!"

Remus summoned his morning star and began beating at the door till it was nothing but splinters. When the duo walked in they were absolutely heartbroken at the sight they saw. Roman was at his desk trying to come up with more ideas. The creative side, looked as thin as a twig, his prince costume was on the ground torn and he had bags underneath his eyes that could rival Virgil's eye shadow.

Roman hadn't even taken notice of the door being broken by Remus. His focus was purely on jotting down in his crimson red note book. Remus grabbed the torn up Prince costume.

"Remus go fix his costume, I can handle this!"

"J-J-Jay?"

"I'll take care of him, Remus."

"Thank you!"

Roman punched the desk in frustration, he was trying his hardest to help Thomas be productive and come up with good ideas. He couldn't remember the last time he slept or ate but he remembered that he needed to prove to Thomas that he was useful. He looked at his wrist and saw yet another bruise form on his already damaged body.

"Oh Roman, we've all been so worried, you haven't been eating any of the food Patton left outside of your door."

The creative side jumped at the sight of the snake. He was sure he had locked his door but when he saw the broken-down door he was highly confused. Roman looked at Janus with a cold expression.

"Roman, listen to me it's been over a week, Thomas is burned out for the constant input your giving. You need to rest, you've burnt yourself out."

"Why do you care snake, I'm the bad guy, I'm the one hurting Thomas and why did the others send you I thought they wanted me to be useful for Thomas and not hurt him."

"Roman, you're not hurting Thomas, you're hurting yourself, why can't you see that?"

"Because I'm always wrong, maybe we should go to the callback wrong, you're the bad guy wrong. Every time I share my ideas I'm wrong. It was wrong for me to make fun of your name it's actually gorgeous and suits you it's just I thought it was what the others wanted but clearly as always I was wrong."

"Oh Roman, how did we let you fall so far? I shouldn't have reacted the way I did you and Remus are not evil or similar your just both opposites and that's amazing. We all love you, Roman, when I nodded I was trying to reassure you that Thomas was telling the truth. You do so much for us."

"I-I how can I trust you, the others told me you were trying to manipulate me?!"

"I apologise for my behaviour I should have never targeted your self-esteem the way I did."

"It's ok it's my fault I should have been better but you see locked away I can be."

"No this is unhealthy behaviour, you're destroying yourself."

"I'll do- hey put me down!"

"Roman you need to rest!"

Janus gently placed Roman down on his King-sized bed. He closed his eyes focusing all of his energy on using his powers.

"N-no, need to help T-"

"Roman look at me you need to rest, you've gotten yourself severely ill."

"Jan-"

"Shhhh, Roman you need to rest."

"J-"

"It's ok, I'm right here, now sleep."

Janus gently stroked Roman's hair as his powers began to take effect. He continued to soothe the worn-out creative side.

"Don't fight it you need to rest."

"Janus how a-"

"Sleep."

Roman wanted to fight it to stay awake but for the first time in weeks, he felt so relaxed. The creative side drifted off into unconsciousness. Janus tucked Roman in and gently kissed him on the cheek. He then grabbed the thermometer and checked the temperature of the creative side. Janus gasped out how hot Roman was, this indeed was a severe burnout and it would take at least a few weeks to nurse Roman back to help. Guilt struck his heart if only they'd bothered to barge into Roman's room after the video, then this wouldn't have happened.

"Rest well, my love."

Roman groaned in pain, he felt as hot as lava. Everything was blurry and the only thing he could make out was a blur of dark blue and black.

"L-Logan?"

"It's alright Janus is in the kitchen, he told me what happened."

"I'm so-"

"I don't want to hear it Roman, I understand what it's like to feel like your not listened too. I forgive you, now drink up if you weren't a figment of Thomas we would have lost you by now."

"Pft thanks teach."

Roman accepted the cup of water and gulped it down as slowly as he could. His hand shook violently trying to hand the cup back to Logan.

The next time Roman, awoke was when he felt his mouth tingle. He adjusted to his surroundings releasing that he was still sick. The creative side gasped in shock weakly, when he saw the tall figure of his brother towering over him.

"You're an idiot you know that righty."

"Right, where's Jan?"

"In the kitchen again, he thinks some sweet things will help. Sorry, it's just I was so worried especially when we broke into your room."

"I understand, Rem I-"

"I know but promise me you'll stop this self-destructive, behaviour."

"I-I can't promise but I'll try my very best."

"Good Ro-bro, now open wide you need to take some medicine."

Roman's tongue tingled in delight feeling the strawberry flavoured liquid go down. He eventually once again felt drowsy and drifted off back to sleep.

Once again Roman awoke but this time he could hear soft Disney Music echoing across the room. He blinked and saw a soft blur of black and purple.

"Ha knew that would wake you up, princey."

"Virgil?!"

"Before you start questioning your brothers with Janus making share the snake gets some rest. He's never left your side you know, for hours he would only leave to cook you food."

"I-I didn't think-"

"Of course you thought that, oh how I wished me and Patton were less hard on you during the courtroom. We should have realised that you're just a fragile little butterfly sooner."

"Why am I a butterfly?"

"Because butterflies are so beautiful and graceful."

"Im not beautiful a-"

"Roman Creativity Sanders, I will not sit here and watch you talk bad about yourself. You matter and you are so important, if it wasn't for you Thomas wouldn't be where he is today if it wasn't for you Thomas wouldn't have a fan base that adore and idolise him. You're the one who tries to make Logan loosen up, you're the one who makes sure Patton is happy and you reassure me that Thomas is safe to take risks. You make us better!"

"I-I-"

"Well, it seems I've left you speechless, this is not your fault Roman, we're your fam-ILY we should have noticed that we were hurting you."

"Sor-"

"Not everything is on you Roman, you always try to be better, you tried to be nicer to me but I didn't do that in return."

"Um thanks, I guess."

"Here Patton made you some healing soup."

Roman carefully chugged down the soup, his hands still felt extremely achy. The next time he woke up to someone other than Janus was when he felt water trickling down his forehead. Roman looked up to see a familiar light blue and grey blur towering over him.

"Shh it's only me kiddo, how are you feeling?"

"Boiling."

"Your fevers died down, thanks to Thomas taking a creative break."

"He really did that for me?"

"Of course Kiddo, we've all been trying to help you recover especially Janus. In fact, he's talking with Thomas right now."

"I-I thought you all hated me, I thought everything I did wasn't good enough."

"Don't ever say that again I really do mean it kiddo we love ya. From now on I'm gonna show how much we care. I see it now that I wasn't just hurting Thomas with my strictness it hurt you too and for that I'm sorry. You're allowed to be flawed."

"Thanks, padre it-it um means alot to me."

"Now here you're still sick so you still need to take your medicine."

It took approximately four weeks for Roman to heal from his drastic creative burnout. The side crawled out of bed and changed into his black undergarments. He still didn't quite feel worthy of his Prince costume but he still felt ready to confront his others. As soon as he opened the door he was greeted by Janus who looked like he was about to burst into tears.

"R-Roman, you've fully recovered."

"Yeah, mainly thanks to you, why didn't you tell us your other main functions were denial and self-preservation."

"Only Virgil and Remus knew of my functions and powers. I just knew that you guys wouldn't believe me."

"Well, I'm very grateful you stayed by my side."

"Ah, it was nothing but seriously both you and Thomas need to learn that selfishness can be good sometimes."

"I remember me, telling you I went against you to please the others and that still stands. You were right from the beginning and I should have realised you were trying to tell me that giving up the call back to please the others was not ok."

"I'm glad you've learned and I promise you if you lie about how your feeling I'll call you out on it."

"Thank you, Janus."

"My pleasure Roman, I did promise to send you to Thomas as soon as you'd recovered but I'm sure your starving, Patton cooked your favourite."

"Mmmm lasagne."

"Bon appetite."

After that horrible burnout, Roman never ever bottled up his feelings, he even got to share his room with Remus. Thomas got another callback and he made sure this time that he compromised with his friends. It took a while but a lot of the fanders began to understand Roman's importance and problems as well. Roman stans were no longer the rarity.

The End

#sander sides #roman sanders #ts roman #sanders sides #romangst #roman angst #janus sanders #creative burnout

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gender-chaotic · 4 years

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Oh boy b**tleba*bes talking about stuff they have no clue about lmao

Warning talk mentions of b**tleb*bes, over sexualization of minors, and a bit of adult stuff.

Im goldenbeetle shipper whos been here a while now and is a proud drinker of loving barbara maitland juice not gonna deny our community has some issues mostly in the past with leaving babs out of fics and art and focus more on adam and beej as well as more adult content. But this is something myslef and many people IN OUR OWN COMMUNITY has been speaking out about for a long ass time now you can search the tags for posts adressing leaving Barbara out including by myself so jot that down, so we dont need b**tleb*bes who barley know anything about our community telling us about our content especially when some of y'all openly mock our ship and made it clear you do not care about it, thanks. many of us especially more recently add barbara in, ive seen so much goldenbeetle content that includes babs including again my own content, ive purposefully drawn solo babs and beej so if you're saying there no content that includes her or just beej and her you're very VERY wrong, come to me or most shippers we can provide lots of golden beetle content with babs and even just babs and beetlejuice. Not to mention a few of your own b**tleb*bes have made beetlejuice and adam content and usually leaves Barbara out and focuses just on adam and beej but go off i guess lol.

Many people draw barbara also draw her based off her actresses' who are both women who don't have very large breasts on top of that gena davis' dress for Barbara did not reveal much, kerry's showing a bit more with a deep neckline still covered alot of her body. Many people arent drawing babs with big knockers and sexy clothes because were trying to repress her sexuality and make her dress like she's in the handmaids tale, shame women for being sexy, its because barbara and adam are canonically a white bred suburban couple who are "vanilla" its their personailty, i drew babs with smaller breasts and more "canon compliant" for a while before i changed it up. Obviously you CAN draw barabra and even adam as sexy and babs with big tiddies, i draw barbara with larger breasts now, and show her cleavage and I've been doing this for a while and i have draw PLENTY of sexy and pin up style babs as well adult content with her beetlejuice, and adam, I've also posted it on here so again y'all dont know what you're talking about. I know others who have drawn sexy barbara and barbara with larger breasts just because its not common and YOU haven't seen it doesn't mean its not out there.

Have y'all seen art of anyone oc's like including self ship oc's with beej?? many of them are sexy and/or have pretty bug breasts (not complaini g btw yall are doing gr8 i love your oc's) or other adult female characters in the show I've seen of art thats sexy of miss Argentina and delia as well as art of them with larger breasts and dressed more "sexy" because that's their character, dress more revealing and prefer to be "sexy". Ive also never been attacked or seen any other "anti" attack a creator for making sexy art or big breasted versions of female characters that are canonically adults in beetlejuice, this includes myself who has openly posted suggestive content of babs even on here infact Ive seen people actually like that stuff they just don't make it themselves so claiming "no one is allowed" to draw barbara sexy or adult content of her is also a huge load.

Not to get too personal but speaking from experience as a person who developed at a very early age i got my first real bra at 7 or 8, had D-DDD breasts throughout middle school and highschool, currently has g-h cup breasts, has been overly sexualized my entire life by people of all ages because of this, and also deals with ALOT of dysphoria because of It am A-ok with representation of women with larger breasts, including suggestive/sexual art of them, women of all body types including their breasts but that's the thing i highly doubt y'all care about large breasted women I've seen the argument when talking about the over sexualiztion of large breasts

"well you dont care about women with big breasts we exist too!"

"Dont erase our body breasts!"

I get it! But its pretty clear this argument is usually only being presented to tokenize us and then someone will draw a big tiddied lady with wide as birthing hips, a dumpster truck ass, back that looks like it son the verge of breaking, and a waist that varies from size skinny to "holy sh*t did all your organs get sucked out???" If yall really care about women with big breasts draw women of differing body types with big breasts, draw them chubby, fat, ACTUALLY curvy, give them stretch marks, a double chin, ect. You fucking cowards say were mysoginists for "not giving barbara big tiddies"

Most of b**tleb*abe adult lydia art looks like a mix of jessica rabbit, elvira, and morticia addams with the same 2 or 3 body types over and over again, infact ive run into plenty of b**tleb*bes art where lydia has either has big tits or like a B-ish cup ("aged up" lydia thats looks almost exactly like her teenage self canon(s)) not really an inbetween but you "totally care about women with large breasts" its not tat you only care about adult lydia to make her ooc, project onto her and make her to sexy goth queen many of us wanted to be when we were young and watched beetlejuice, ship her with beej so she can be his big tiddy goth gf its TOTALLY about ""feminism"" uh huh....

And where has YOUR sexy barbara art been hmm? b**tleb*bes draw so little art of barbara or either maitlands other than to be in the background and react to beej and lyida's shenanigans, or scold them because babes portray the maitlands or way more protective and prude than in canon, and the little art I've seen babes draw of her isn't sexy big tiddy babs. I have at most seen a handful of deetzland fics with adult content including barbara and that's it. Its very clear many of yall care mostly about lydia and beej especially boinking be honest now. So dont bring up our ship or barbara as a "gotcha antis".

And lastly Lydia, i dont think any of us are saying she cant grow up, we literally just think its gross to sexualize a character who is a minor in canon and age her up solely to be with a canon adult. Ive seen "antis" draw adult lydia in a tasteful way and develop her as she grows up because they're interested in her charcter and no one has taken issue with it at all. Lydia in all canons doesnt have big honkers in any canon either, yes minors can have breasts, even larger ones. I mentioned above that was me, and you can have a character who is a minor who looks more developed than others where its not gross and sexualized (jackie lynn thomas from svtfoe is an example, mami from madoka isnt really sexualized in canon from my memory) i think representaion of all body types abd breast sizes is important for young women but lydia isnt one of those characters even in canons where shes 15-17 and going through puberty.

Let lydia be a child jfc, stop being creepy and getting pissy when people draw lyida with the same breast cup in canon and make her look like the average teen/tween she is, that isnt misogyny its treating a character who is a minor appropriately.

The ACTUAL misogyny is over sexualizing and aging up a tween/teen character soley to do the horizontal monster mash with a adult charcter, write her so that she really only cares about said adult character and the spawn that pop out of her from him, she dies young but parents and friends who cares shes got beetlejuice!, Forget the entire life she leaving behind too, and giving her the body of a pixar mom or h*ntai protagonist a majority of the time.

Your performative white feminism is showing.

#beetlejuice #beetlejuice the musical #oops opinion time #oops opinion time!#fandom discourse #beetlejuice discourse #discourse #ship discourse #shipping discourse #sorryfor the rant/popping #working on requests and art #but rae darkemess demntia raven way openei #opened* her mouth to spew more word diarehha

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simple-ponderings · 3 years

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I wanted to jot down a few things before I forget them:

Over the past couple days, I know He was teaching me but Im trying to remember the lessons. As I sat there in that bathroom, the water streaming down, I realized that I was the SAME thing. I was just the same as the sun, the planet, the objects around me only within a few varying spaces of degrees. I was the same. I belonged. I felt myself stretch and blend in.

Sometime later I felt as if I were two different persons looking out of each eye. I could feel it. I was the same person...but on different wavelengths. They needed to balance. I felt the duality. Like out of one eye, I was the person who lived in this world. The person who tried to fit in with society and go along with its “laws”. And out of the other eye, I was the energy, the being who was true. Who was Raw. Who was always here underneath the cake. I felt that was the Spirit.

These days Im really trying to get comfortable with myself. With all parts of myself. Especially the parts I try to hide. Im learning to accept my spiritual self. I was scared honestly. Its something I wasn’t comfortable with because Ive been so used to this material world and the way it operates. And its ok. Its an adjustment period.

I remember last year, I wrote a small passage about the winter time, and how its the time to get acquainted with the Dark. Thats really relevant now. Especially since this pandemic is happening. And I cant really run from confronting myself. As the days get shorter, and the nights grow longer....As the veil becomes thinner and thinner, its getting more difficult to Deny what Is. You know?

And I’ve come to realize, Ive come to understand how to separate my Mind from my Spirit. I understand now what my mind tries to tell me...and what my Spirit tries to help me understand. Its a constant struggle. But I think Ive been doing well. Sometimes I roll back, but I always get back up haha. I do feel it will become more difficult. But as it gets more difficult, I know I will be stronger and stronger. Its like a growing season or something. Something expanding and evolving slowly.

At this point of time, I am putting my mind in the back seat. I feel like its out of control. I just kind of let it go off, but it dawned on me that I can use it. Its a tool for me to use.

Something else was a tool. But I cant remember what....

I slept alone for the first time in a while. I never had my own room before so its a bit of an adjustment. I slept. But I was awake for most of the night. I was awake. And I was talking to God, and he was telling me things....but I cant remember most of it. I do remember is that I am here to Love. To show that Love. To share and express that Divine Love. That is why I am the way I am. And its ok.

To exercise my faith by following my Heart because it knows the Way. Your Love is my guiding Light.

I remember seeing...I was in a spaceship or something. I was in space. And I saw all of the Galaxies. It was only for a split second, but it was very vivid. I was next to Jupiter I think.

He said I’d have keep facing these fears. They were only here to strengthen my faith. Keep choosing Love over and over. Again and Again. Reaffirm reaffirm. Let it be solidified and unwavering.

It was imperative I understood this so I could BE in my own energy. So I could embody and claim it. And so I could understand my own self. All that I was. And so I could have my own Authority. If I didnt believe...how could I command or have any sort of agency?

My Faith, My Love, WAS the Spirits Authority.

When they came again, I remember seeing a sword inside my chest. It was located deep inside me. God it was so far but it was never out of reach. It was a blue green color, and it was beautiful. It was my faith symbolized. It was me. It was apart of me.

#meditation #Day In the life #you know its really great to know that im being listened to as well #spiritual journey

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dc-ships-nstuff · 4 years

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Hey, are you doing dc ships? Can I have one?So, first of all, I am afraid of love, I mean, I want to love someone, but I don't want to have my heart broken because I am too intense, and I feel that if I one day my heart broke, it willnever rebuild.I have a really intense feel of live.I want to have a coffe shop in France, help the kids that are in places with war, write a book, live in Japan. I want it all.I am sensitive BUT I will not show my feelings, just in extreme. I am a croissant lover ha

HI! It’s me, ris, and i just logged into this account, right after sending your ask over here. And i just want to say that i read all of it and:

I also read “I want it all” and i immediately thought of this video and hehe but no joke your ask really spoke to the depths of my soul BUT that’s not why you sent the ask. You want to know who your dc soulmate is and im going to tell you that rigth now:

Ugh i cant do this. I want to say tim drake but i also want to say dick grayson and they both fit so nicely but that’s expected so im going to say.....

wait. Before you read this you NEED TO WATCH THIS VIDEO.

Okay you watched it? let’s do this.

I ship you with Jon Kent. And the feeling is STRONG because i fucking love Jon more than like i love myself and i also ship him with damian (its complicated ill get to that in another post) and I just- if you don’t know who he is, he’s this baby.

Anyhow, as for WHY.... it’s not even close to simple:

- I was going to ship you with Dick Grayson because he’s kind and he’s soft and he has dark edges and he’d be really kind and anyone else might feel like stepping on eggshells around you, but he wouldn’t. He’d dance around the ‘eggshells’ and he’d be happy. With you.

- I was going to ship you with Tim Drake because he has that adventurous soul. He (as well as dick but ok) has that want to help everyone before himself. He will unconciously give out and exhaust himself, and he just will keep doing that until he... can’t anymore. Except Tim Drake doesn’t work like that. Helping everyone except himself is what keeps him going, and he knows that. He’s scared that if he stops, he won’t survive that one.

- But i relented to Jonathan Kent because I feel like on means, I saw him grow up (not even close to true) and you reminded me a little bit of him and anyways not only do i want to say thank you for that but also sorry because its kinda weird for me to ship him with a girl (i only see my gay disastrous boy but he’s CaNoNiCaLlY sTrAiGhT so ha.)

- He’d be the cutest boyfriend, and no im not saying this because our team as shippers we feel obligated to, but because its true. The starting of the relationship would be slow and not exactly steady. ANd by slow i mean SLOW. And you and I, as well as Jon, we understand that. It’s fine to go slow in a relationship. It’s even preferrable to go slow. So it’s going to be like really weird and there’s going to be a weird feeling and tension and thats fine. He gets that and he’s not going to be the ‘trying to impress you until you give in’ nor the ‘ask you out countless times’ nor the ‘follow you around’ but he’d be really patient and sweet.

- he always keeps a tiny piece of paper in his pocket. He’s very protective of it and you don’t know what it is and you’ve asked quite a few times and its AWFUL because he wont tell you. You might think its the number of some other girl, but those are just your fears talking to you.

- In reality, that tiny scrap of paper is a mini project you both had made as a joke. It was all his idea, to make you write down your life goals and aspirations. He keeps it in his pocket, and tucked in his uniform (turns out damian had sewn a pocket into his cape- awwh boyfrien- i mean... YOUR boyfriend hehe)

- He has become so attached to that piece of paper, he pays more attention to it than he does to you. He plans out little things and he tries to make all those dreams and aspirations come true.

- Have you ever tried really shitty croissants?

- No?

- Well now you will because Jon really tried to make croissants but he sucks at baking so they taste like rock.

- You guys do hair masks in the weekends. It’s not him doing it with you, but you doing it with HIM.

SO. I know it’s not that much, and summarized it’s like three jots so sorry but i hope you liked it haha.

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malakhai-ozera · 3 years

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Discord Text Thread || Khoman ♥

Discord thread featuring: Khai and Roman @romanbeckett

When: December 24th (day & night)

Mentions: Landon Davies @davieslandon

Description: Roman texts Khai to forgive him after his voicemail. They start texting again later in the day and Khai is beyond fucked up and Roman once again expresses his concerns for him.

Trigger Warnings: HARD drug use, drug mentions, light sexting and dirty talk.(sorry this one is kinda looooong)

Roman. babe. You’re forgiven. Shit happens. I just worry...which is one of my issues. I worry constantly about everything. Always afraid something will happen to you.

Khai. I know, and I’ve been real careless. I didn’t mean to be a shit I was just... being stupid and fucked up I hope you know I really don’t have a problem with you staying with Landon. Idek what my deal was

Roman. are you sure it doesn’t bother you?

Khai. I’m sure baby. I just want you two to have fun

Roman. I’ll still see you there tomorrow right?

Khai. of course you will. Fancy pjs and all lol

Roman. oh my god I can’t wait lol

Khai. me either. It’s gonna be an amazing day for sure

Roman. I’ll be off work soon and I’ll bring us dinner

Khai. I look forward to it! I’m starving plus I really wanna kiss you

Roman. I reallllly wanna kiss you too. Maybe we can sneak in a quickie

Khai. maybe huh?

Roman. okay definitely, because I want lol

Khai.

hahaha well I’m always down baby. You know I can’t keep my hands off of you.

- Later that same day -

Roman. I miss you already

Khai. Miss you too

Roman. dinner and messing around was fun though. Best Christmas gift ever.

Khai. it was fun indeed! I couldn’t agree more

Roman. are you okay?

Khai. yeah I’m okay why?

Roman. idk just checking. I feel guilty now that I’m not there

Khai. don’t feel guilty. I have my drugs and hot chocolate to keep me warm haha

Roman. ooo what drugs lolll

Khai. Just the usual. I also have my tequila so I’m set lol

Roman. damn. I do wish I was there

Khai. I always wish you were here. But it’s okay. We will make out all day tomorrow

Roman. yesss. Can we cook a late night breakfast for dinner together and watch Christmas movies

Khai. absolutely! We can do whatever you want baby

Roman. I'm having wiiiine

Khai. mmm what kind?

Roman. it's a good ass Pinot

Khai. oooo im jelly I’m half way through my tequila advent calendar haha I got behind

Roman. Lmao omg babe!!! How much have you has?? lol

Khai. like 6 so farv ? Lol

Roman. FARV 😂

Khai. oops haha

Roman. I am laughing. I love you lol if I was there, I’d be in your lap right now.

Khai. I love you mooooore yeah you would

Roman. thighs on either side of you, straddling you with my forehead against yours, running my fingers through your hair...

Khai. damn baby... don’t make me come there and crash your party

Roman. SHSUSJEJEJEJENEJDJJE why is my boyfriend so HOT

Khai. because you were a good boy this year? haha

Roman. well we both know THAT isn’t true lol

Khai. hahahaha well then idk. But my boyfriend is pretty fucking sexy too though and lord knows I’ve been baaaaad

Roman. we got lucky now if we could just keep our damn apartment

Khai. I know... that would be nice wouldn’t it? can’t have it all though I guess lol

Roman. I still haven’t found a place and I’m stressed

Khai. yeah, idk where I’m going either. Maybe we can go look together after Christmas

Roman. yeah, let’s do that. Bleh. Anyway, don’t wanna bring down the mood!! How ya feelin?

Khai. I’m feeling goodz how you feeling?

Roman. goodz too I feel all warm and buzzy

Khai. hahaha dammit I’m glad baby. I want you to have fun just not to mush fun haha

Roman. I won’t have too much fun. Not without youuuu

Khai. good. Cause J like the sound o g that

Roman. babe you’re wasted aren’t you

Khai. yes I am ll I misssh you

Roman. omg mish. That’s so cute omg. I wanna hear you say it

Khai. nooo hahaha

Roman. mish mish mishhhh

Khai. you’re so mean lol but I love youuu

Roman. noooo I just think it’s adorable lol I love your typos. They make my life better.

Khai. Mhm you mage my life begetter. I should prolly stip drinking now hahaha

Roman. You probably should babe

Khai. that tot out of hand fasty lol oops

Roman. fasty omg you’re SO cute

Khai. lmao wow I gives up

Roman. I’m just imagining you saying all of this outloud, and it’s like making my night

Khai. hahaha I’m glad. I’m imagning you laughing and it’s making my nifht too

Roman. my squawking laugh god

Khai. nooooo it’s the bstes laugh wver and beast smile too

Roman. I would argue that YOU have the best smile my love.

Khai. Nope nope

Roman. UM *picture of Khai’s smile*

Khai. I look liek a weirro

Roman. WHAT you’re crazy lol

Khai. I’m crazy anout youuuuuu I wanna snugs you

Roman. me too. I love snuggling with you every night and it’s so weird when we don’t like !!! I’m so used to going to bed with you.

Khai. it is weird. Indint like it but Im gonna sleept in y it bed

Roman. sleep in my bed any time you want love. You’ll like the new book I have

Khai. ooooo I wish you erre here

Roman. I know. I do too. I miss those eyes. I also miss your scruff. That sounds so dumb, but I love the way it feelssss

Khai. I love yyou I’m gonna scrufff you up when I se you

Roman. scruff up the inside of my thighs PLEASE AND THANKS

Khai. you know j will

Roman. god I love when you give me beard burn

Khai. I thinks that the hottest thing yku ever said to me I want you sinebws

Roman. what can I say? I just love your head between my legs

Khai. I love it too baby. I luv makings you deel good

Roman. ugh I’m starting to get buzzed now lol

Khai. hahaha dinally this whol room is so pinky spiking lol yup nvm haha

Roman. it’s so what?? Hahaha spinning? Lol

Khai. yessum Jm good

Roman. bleh I worry about you.

Khai. I’m oka I promisee I hust miss you

Roman. I miss you too. So much baby. Keep talking to me so I don’t have to miss you even more.

Khai. what ya wanna talks about? Tell me ykyr favorite chrismas present

Roman. you won’t believe me if I tell you lol

Khai. yesss I whll

Roman. everything you got me. You know me so well. I’m obsessed with all of it. Ugh. The jacket, the shoes?! The freaking clock. You really did so good.

Khai. really? I’m so hapy you love it. I just wanted you to gave the best. You lok so good in those shows too

Roman. you know exactly what I like and feel good in.

Khai. cause I lover you

Roman. I love you too. How are you feeling?

Khai. sleepyyy but good gaga

Roman. baby I’m worried about you.

Khai. why? I’m fdine im jus laying in bed

Roman. i don’t like that you’re doing heroin

Khai. romsn it’s ojay

Roman. but you’re not even making sense

Khai. I ehould jus got to bed

Roman. maybe but bleh idk I’m worried and I should be there

Khai. no no, eont worry. I wsnt you to have fun.

Roman. I know but ugh. I love you.

Khai. I lowe you too idknt wanna hpset you

Roman. will you promise me you’ll try to stop?

Khai. fan we talked about tbis latr?

Roman. yeah of course

Khai. I jus imn so tucked up byt I wanba talk

Roman. I know

Khai. I love yky so mhch

Roman. I love you too.

Khai. I relly sm sorry. Ilm do better. Pleas have fhn tonight okay

Roman. I’m worried to death about you

Khai. I orimse Jm ok. I just nee to skep it off

Roman. okay

Khai. Smile is chrismaaaas

Roman. lol okay, I smiled

Khai. good boyyy

Roman. lol hate you!!

Khai. I knoooow but you lve me

Roman. I definitely love you

Khai. you’re my everything

Roman. Khaiiiii. You’re making me smile so much it fucking hurts lol

Khai. I mean itttt you’re all I ever need

Roman. god I think my heart is gonna explode lol you constantly wanna kill me

Khai. nooo baby. I just want you tk know how mych I love you and I am feelig better so thahs good well jot better but less high lol

Roman. lol!! Well. Bleh. Scared me there, not gonna lie.

Khai. I’m sorry baby I know I newd to stop it’s jus hard

Roman. i know.

Khai.

We can talk about this after the holiday tho. I don’t wanna ruin it for anyone

Roman. you’re not ruining anything for me. I promise.

Khai. I hope not cause I’d never forgive myself

Roman. babe. Don’t be silly. Everything’s okay *heart emoji*

Khai. you’re the best do you know that?

Roman. I’m not. But I’m glad you think so

Khai. I know so.

#chats:roman #chats:discord #ft.roman #ft.landon #tw:hard drugs #tw:drug mention #tw:nsfw-ish #tw:light sexting #{Roman Beckett ;; my peanut butter chocolate cake with Kool-Aid}#//this whole thread dlknfl;sknv;xnvd #text.

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gyeomork · 5 years

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Connections

(jackson wang x reader)

genre: fluff, light smut, college au

warnings: sexual content, mild cursing

word count: 3.8k

a/n: i don’t capitalize my letters in this so if that bothers you, i’m sorry :( also italicized words mean they’re speaking english. also i lol don’t know what im talking about with all that “reading people” shit i just took a wyld guess but i hope you enjoy anyway ^3^

i enter my first class of the year, psychology 3. i take a seat, not really paying attention to who i sat next to. i take my laptop out of my backpack, place it on the table, flip it open and get ready to take notes. it was a new school year and i was not about to slack anymore. sophomore year was a complete shit show and i could not afford that this year, literally. i was skipping class like it was an olympic sport but guess what? tuition still had to be paid. i open up google docs and title the new document ‘19/8/19 notes, assignments & hw ’. the professor begins to speak and my full attention is now on her.

an hour passes and the class was wrapping up. “ok class the homework is for you all to make a powerpoint presentation on the person sitting next to you. you must analyze them as a person, describe their character traits and so on and so forth. think of it as an ice breaker activity and a way to make a new friend. more instructions will be posted online. i count 24 of you so i expect 24 emails on friday 23/8/19. presentations will be the following monday, if there are any questions feel free to email me. class dismissed.” i close my laptop and reach for my bag when i hear a deep familiar voice next to me say “hey! how’s it going?” i look to my right and see jackson, jackson wang. god not again. this man was handsome to say the very very least and a heart throb. i should know because i had him in psych 2 last year. we would almost always end up having to do a project together and almost always turn it in 2 minutes before it was due. it’s not like we were the best of friends and every time we met up we didn’t do work, it was just that we never really did meet up. every time he would text and ask i would be too scared to be in the same place as him because of how intimidated he made me feel. when we did meet up it was the night before so i absolutely had to go, for the sake of his grade. we wouldn’t talk much but when we did he was, for the most part, really nice. “hi.. jackson. it’s going.. good” i say quietly. “oh, that’s good. well if you’re free right now we could go get coffee to jumpstart this little project” god he had the cutest smile on his face. “oh yeah sure just let me get packed up” i said trying to avoid his gaze like the black plague.

after to fumbling with my belongings under the immense pressure his eyes were putting me under, we were finally able to leave. on the walk to the cafe, jackson sparks up conversation. “so, y/n, last year we never really talked much and i was a little let down because you actually seemed really cool. so i’m glad i get to do this project with you. i wanna get to know you” he looks over to me and grins widely. i return a small smile back. “where are you from?” he asked sounding genuinely curious. “the states” i mentally curse at myself for giving such a short, dry answer but he hums anyway. “i’m from china but i came here for a change, you know” “yup” i curse at myself again. a small silence passes, extra emphasis on small. “since you’re from the states do you-“ “speak english? yes” we both chuckle and god he was adorable. “oh cool so we could have our own semi-secret language” i give him a ‘you’re ridiculous’ look and we chuckle again. “so did you teach yourself english or did you go to an international school?” finally! i’m making semi-decent conversation. “international but i did do some studying on my own. so what about you? how did you learn hangul?” “ i loved watching and still do love watching dramas so one day i just got really annoyed with having to read the subtitles and just started teaching myself. i never really expected myself to get proficient at it, it just happened. then i thought i should put some use to it more than just dramas so i came here” wow the way i just rambled on just then. “ so how do you like it here?” he continues with the questions. “at first it was kind of hard to get used to because i went from using english every day and using hangul sometimes to using hangul every day and english sometimes” jackson nods in understanding. “ and then there are slang words that you need to learn and sayings and really understand the culture” he adds on. “ yes! exactly” regret of being so intimidated of him last year now fills me. he’s so easy to talk to. ugh am i stupid?

we reach the cafe and he opens the door for me “let me get that for you” “kam-sa-hap-nee-da!” i said in the most american accent i could do and he lets out an actual laugh that ascends me to the heavens. we both join the medium sized line. “you can just tell me what you want so you can go have a seat and i’ll bring it to you” this man is an angel. “iced americano, venti sized please and thank you” i say with a close-mouthed smile. “coming right up” he reciprocates the same smile. i make my way to a small booth in the corner by the window. i take out a small notepad and jot down things i’ve noticed about jackson. eventually, i get lost in thinking about how sweet he is and how easy he is to talk to and how his laugh is opposite of his deep voice and how his smile makes him look like a baby and then how he turns all hot again and oh my god i have a crush on jackson. like a cue, jackson comes and sets his and my coffee down and takes a seat across from me “thank you so much” “no problem” we both take a sip in unison. “analyzing me already?” he asks grabbing my notepad. all i had written was ‘really good energy’. really y/n? what the hell is that supposed to mean? he makes a ‘not bad’ face and sets my notepad back in front of me. i keep sipping and look out the window. “ok, ok” i could see him trying to hold in a snicker in the corner of my eye. i whip my neck to look and him and ask swiftly “what? why ‘ok ok’? what?”. “hm? nothing” he replies, still trying to hold in that laugh. “wah~ making fun of me already. at least i have something written down” he raises his eyebrows at me. “i have plenty of stuff written down in my head” “oh really?” i say in disbelief. “yes!” “ok. then prove it” i sit back and cross my arms. “just in the last 10 minutes, the things i’ve noticed ok. ready?” i just nod. “shy; when you laughed or smiled you didn’t show teeth. closed off; you chose the booth furthest away from other people. passive; you did nothing when i snatched your notepad. trusting; you trusted me with your drink and that i didn’t do anything to it. physical traits; well put together, pretty-“ i felt my face heat up and i had to stop him. “alright, alright you proved your point.” i waved him off and he laughs. “you asked for it” he says, laughter still in his voice. “i asked for you to prove yourself not show off” i say fake sulkily and extra pouty. he laughs even louder and makes a few heads turn. “ok jackson! people are looking.” i whisper shout and smile at him fully this time. “oh! you’re smiling” he points “you’re not shy around me anymore!” “ok you have to teach me how to read people like that” i rest my hand on my chin and my elbow on the table. “well, for starters, we could go back to the ‘getting to know you’ questions. so, when’s your birthday?”

after hours of talking, we had to leave simply because the cafe was closing. jackson looks at his watch and widens his eyes. “it’s 22:58 (10:58 pm). oh my god. do you have class tomorrow? i’m so sorry for keeping you out so late, i’ll walk you home. where do you live? oh my god i’m really so sorry” he apologized profusely. “no” i say flatly. “n-no?” he furrowed his eyebrows. “i don’t have class tomorrow it’s fine” i let out breathy laugh. “do you?” i raise my brows at him. “no” he sighs out in relief. “alright come on. let me walk you home” i barely take two steps when i stop and drop my head into my hands. “my.. RA. it’s past curfew. i’m dead” i say defeated. “oh my friend i can stay with- she has class tomorrow and she’s probably sleeping” i say gaining hope and losing it instantly. “i guess i’ll just take the warning, it’s only one” i start dragging my feet i the direction of my dorm. “you could.. stay the night with me. my RA isn’t as strict with the rules”. was that nervousness i heard in his voice? jackson? the same jackson that told me stories of him being bold and fearless? jackson? wang? never. “i don’t want to be a burden-“ i wave him off. “ you won’t be” he insists. i look into his eyes and really sink deep into those two chocolate pools. all that is visible is purity and good intentions; i trust him. “ok” i smile. “thank you” “no problem”

we get to his dorm and as he is unlocking the door he informs me that his 3 other roommates won’t be there until late that night so we’re safe from the teasing. he opens the door and lets me in first. it’s dark until jackson comes in and turns on the kitchen light. he sits around the island and i join him. i take this time to look around. right across from the kitchen was the living room that was in good shape for 3 boys, diagonal of the living room was the laundry room that was neat too, there was a walkway from the front door in between the laundry room and the kitchen leading to the living room, and one long hallway/walkway passing in between the living room and the kitchen continuing both ways to god knows where. there was also a sliding door in the living room leading to the balcony. “you must be hungry. do you want me to cook or is takeout ok?” come to think of it i haven’t eaten since lunch. i was so absorbed in jackson that i didn’t even realize how hungry i am. “yeah, takeout is fine” “is pizza ok?” he says pulling out his phone. “oh pizza is more than ok” i say, starting to get excited “ok miss pizza what would you like on it?” “pepperoni please~” “alright.. and the pizza is on it’s way” he hops off the chair with ‘hmph’. he walks over to me and holds his hand out to help me down. “thank you” i take his hand and get off the chair. “come on i’ll give you everything you need”. he leads me to his room at the end of the short hallway without letting go of my hand. he turns on fairy lights that aren’t too bright but are enough to make everything visible. he turns to the left to his walk-in closet to retrieve me a hoodie and some sweatpants. he tells me that when i go in the bathroom there should be an extra toothbrush behind the mirror. i say thank you for the 100th time today and go to sit on his bed to wait for him. “i can put something on if you want” he come and sits next to me on the bed. “mm..” i think about all the shows that i need to catch up on and finally choose one. “can you put on ‘he is psychometric’?” “ohh yes! what episode are you on?” he gets excited. “the last one and it’s so good, i just never have time to watch” “me either” he puts it on the tv and the pizza arrives. “that was quick” i say shocked because my pizza takes at least an hour to come. “yeah the place is right down the block; convenient” he comes back to the room with pizza and shuts the door.

we finish ‘he is psychometric’ and both of the pizzas. “i’m gonna go change” i take jackson’s clothes to the bathroom. i change into the comfy clothes that smells like him and brush my teeth. i pull my hair into a bun that i ruled ok for jackson to see and leave the bathroom. “oh you look good in my clothes but don’t go stealing it now” he says like he’s my father and gives me a stern look. i giggle and say “ok” sarcastically. he goes in the bathroom to change as well. i pull my notepad and pencil out my bag and sit in front of what seems to be his work desk. i write more analyzations and now have to flip the page thanks to jackson teaching me how to properly read people. i’m on a roll until jackson presses his hands on my shoulders and yells “boo!” “oh my god!” i jump and turn around in the swivel chair. “i’m sorry i had to” he laughs at me hysterically. “yah~ don’t do that! stop laughing!” i smack him on the shoulder repeatedly. “ok ok, yah!” he grabs hold of my wrists and is now inches away from my face; staring into my eyes. “i-i’m tired. where can i sleep?” i had to break the growing silence. jackson lets go and backs away “you can sleep on my bed, i’ll set up on the couch” he said walking towards the door. “no” i command, stopping him in his tracks. “ when the guys get home they’re going to ask why you’re on the couch and from the stories you’ve told me, you’re not a good liar” he turns back around but still doesn’t move. “you’re right” he says grinning. “well get on the bed so that when i turn off the lights you won’t trip and break your neck” “alright, no need to reference that traumatic story ok, that was a very scary experience” i say getting on the bed. “i’m just saying if you had a night light-“ “ok! jackson! good night!”

i was on the edge of sleep when i felt a heavy arm fall around my waist and a warm body touching all of my back side. steady breathing was blowing on the baby hairs on the back of my neck. he was sleeping. i suddenly started to feel uncomfortable in the position i was in and couldn’t take it anymore. while adjusting and re-adjusting my lower half, i inevitably brush up against jackson’s area. he didn’t respond so i assumed he just didn’t feel it so i continued on the quest to getting comfortable, all the while rubbing against him with my ass. suddenly jackson grips my hip. “you better stop playing with me” he growls lowly into my ear, ultimately ruining my new underwear i got from victoria secret on sale but i couldn’t possibly be mad at him. the ache in my core was way too strong to ignore so i reply as seductively as i could “who said i was playing?” while pushing up against him. he groans and i feel him grow beneath me. he attaches his lips to my neck and sucks and nips and licks away. he finds my spot at the base of my neck and i let out a low moan. when he feels as of though he’s left a satisfactory mark, he licks and kisses the spot. he turns me to face him and wastes no time in connecting his lips to mine. passion begins to fill the room as he climbs on top of me. the hands that are on my waist start travelling under his hoodie i had on. his warm hands on my bare skin was setting me on fire. one of his legs that was positioned between my legs started to rub against my core. i moan loudly into his mouth and he doesn’t miss his chance to stick his tongue in my mouth. i break the kiss to catch my breath and jackson moves back to my neck to leave more marks. i was lost in my own pleasure when i come to my senses. “jackson” i breathe out. he removes his lips from my neck for a brief moment “yes baby”. “what about the guys?” “fuck the guys” he tugs at the bottom of his hoodie and he looks up at me asking for permission. i nod and he removes the hoodie swiftly as he begins kissing his way down my body.

i wake up the next morning with the comforter covering more than half of my face so the sunlight seeping through the window didn’t bother me too much. i was initially startled about where i was but i soon remembered. then i remember the events of the night before. i turn around to see the beautiful man that shared the events of the night before with me. the light highlighting his features perfectly. from his fluffy, messy hair to his soft, plump lips. i move to brush away the hair that was in his face and move down to caress his cheek. how did this even happen? and how did it happen so quickly? i guess it’s the jackson effect. he flutters his eyes open and when he sees me, he immediately gives the softest smile. he pulls me closer in his arms and whispers “good morning princess”. i hum and say good morning back. “how’d you sleep?” he kisses my forehead. “really good” i take a deep breath, inhaling his intoxicating natural scent. we stay like that for a while until we realize that we have to leave before the guys wake up and tease us. or the extreme awkwardness considering the fact that we may or may not have gotten a noise complaint. jackson gives me fresh clothes to leave in and i freshen up, doing most but not all of my morning routine due to the shortage of time. i grab my bag and exit the room with him. we’re walking down the hallway when i forget my notepad on his work desk and go back for it. on the way back to him i hear voices coming from the living room, i stay out of sight to eavesdrop. “jackson i swear to god you should do my- no our homework for the next week” one voice says, putting emphasis on ‘our’. “i shut my door, turn my music on my speaker up all the way, and even covered my ears with 2 pillows but could still fucking hear you two. jackson i swear to god if you don’t warn us next time” another voice says and lets out a deep sigh. “you guys i’m sorry i really didn’t plan-“ another voice cuts him off . “no you’re not sorry, you’re gonna be sorry when your ass is doing my physics homework for the next week” “i don’t even know how to do physics” “well you better figure it out” i couldn’t hear anymore of this, i had to save him. i walk out into the living room “um.. g-good morning” i wave awkwardly. damn! this is exactly what i wanted to avoid. they all look up at me with wide eyes “good morning” they say all out of sync. jackson stands next to me and holds my hand “this is my girlfriend, y/n” my heart drops, comes back up, does some somersaults, and skips numerous beats. “y/n this is jinyoung, jaebeom, and mark”. i give a small closed-mouth smile. “well, this was fun but y/n and i have places to be” he looks down at me and smiles “let’s go” jackson starts walking to the door and drags me along. i look back and wave goodbye and so do they, still looking baffled. jackson locks the door and we start walking down the hallway. ”i could tell you were uncomfortable so i had to get you out of there” he says with a hint of urgency in his voice and i laugh. “thank you but were we really that loud?” i ask putting emphasis on ‘that’. “i don’t know but what i do know is that i’m that good” i roll my eyes at him “yeah ok”. “so ‘girlfriend’ huh?” he looks down and scratches the back of his neck. “y-yea” his ears turn red. “you haven’t even taken me out on a date yet.” i scoff in fake disbelief. “i was hoping that i could go on a date today and then i could confess to you but i guess i got a little ahead of myself” “you think?” we chuckled. “confession? how long did you like me?” “ever since i had to do that first project with you in psych 2. whenever i’d ask to meet up and you said you couldn’t it always made me think you didn’t like me. and when we did you were kind of standoffish so i gave up. until you sat next to me yesterday” he smiles thinking about it. “i’m sorry that i made you think that i was just so intimidated by you and your good looks and what not.” “good looks?” he raises his eyebrow at me. “take the compliment or i’ll take it back” “oh no thank you thank you”

we leave his dorm building to the parking lot and his car. “i changed up our schedule for today a little bit.” he unlocks the doors and we get in. “what did you change?” he starts the car so the hot air doesn’t literally suffocate us. “after we visit your dorm we have to go to the mall”. he takes my hand and intertwined our fingers. “the mall? why?” i look over at him and furrow my eyebrows. he looks at me and smirks “to get you back that cute little underwear i tore off you last night” brings my hand to his lips and kisses it.

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southernbell91 · 5 years

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Some Secrets are Better left Dead Chapter 2

I groaned as I rolled over, reaching for my phone, the Golden Girls theme song playing for the 3rd time this morning, Wade was anything if not persistent. “What!?” I croaked into the phone, my dry throat painfully obvious.

“Is that any way to talk to someone who has an order of Donuts and Coffee on it’s way to your front door as we speak?” My Best friend Wade asked feigning annoyance. “Now get your ass out of bed before the grub hub guy eats your Birthday breakfast.”

“Birthday?” I mumbled, glancing at my phone checking the date, sure enough March 9th. “Oh shit” I whispered seeing the excess amount of notifications on my phone. “Seriously, it’s the same day every fucking year, after 24 of them you would think you would have this figured out. Remind me, how are you the smart one again?” he asked sarcastically.

“Shut up” I grumbled, climbing out of bed after hearing a light knock at the door.”and Thanks for Breakfast Wade,I gotta run I’ll talk to you later”

“Anytime Ace, at least one of us remembered. Oh and Happy Birthday”. After taking the food, and thanking the driver I plopped down on the couch to catch up on the morning news.

I was mindlessly scrolling through my social media, listening to the News when the newscaster caught my attention.

“Tony Stark steps down as head of Stark Industries, former assistant Pepper Potts named CEO” She says.

Now, why in the hell would Billionaire Tony Stark pass running his company over to a glorified secretary? I rewound the clip while chugging my coffee watching for any hints of anything strange, well stranger than the segment itself. The Video showed Tony at some Gala, cheesing it up for the camera as usual, a fiery redhead on his arm. Stark was a notorious playboy, aside from his assistant he seemed to have a different woman on his arm for every event he attended. The clip also showed Starks massive tower in the heart of New York City, it was his newest project and had only gotten completed a few years ago when he moved his company here from California, after having changed his focus from Military grade weapons to energy, there were rumors already that stark was working on a new facility somewhere but no one had managed to lock down a location, yet. After watching the clip 3 more times I decided I had my new project, I was going to get to the bottom of Starks strange behavior. What could it be Illness? Midlife Crisis? Maybe even blackmail? Whatever it is im going to get to the bottom of it.

I jumped from the couch and started working on getting ready to head to the office, putting my shoulder length chestnut brown hair into a high ponytail tossed on a vintage Tee and some jeans and slid on my blue converse, my signature work look, then I was out the door.

25 minutes later I strolled into my office at the Midtown Journal, a woman on a Mission. I knew I wouldn’t have long to prep for our weekly assignment meeting, so I sat down and started digging. I started with known associates, business and other. Pepper his assistant was an obvious one, along with his Driver slash Security Happy Hogan but other than the basics there wasn’t a whole lot there, at least not on the surface. I looked into Tony’s former business partner Obadiah Staine but came up empty, his departure from the company had been very sudden 3 years ago, right around the time of the switch from Weapons to Energy and he hadn’t really been heard from publicly since, definitely something to look into. A few more quick social searches showed that Stark had suddenly been seen hanging out with notorious Scientist Dr.Bruce Banner, that was strange. Banner had vanished off the face of the planet a few years ago after an experiment gone wrong and had only resurfaced in the last 6 months or so. I started scrolling through a collection of pictures of Tony from the last year and was surprised to see that redhead again at least a dozen times, who was she and why was she important enough to be seen with Tony “I don’t wear the same thing twice” Stark? Definitely something to look into. Glancing at the clock I quickly saved everything I could into a file aptly named “Mr Money Bags” and jotted down some notes to mention to my editor and headed towards the conference room for our weekly Meeting. Being one of the only investigative Journalists on the team had its perks, it afforded me more time to dig into my article, I wasn’t a slave to a deadline like everyone else working on weekly prints, but that didn’t mean I didn’t have to still sit through these boring meetings while everyone presented their assignments for the week. An hour into the meeting, 35 minutes of which was spent listening to the Sports columnist and entertainment editor argue over who should cover some game that involved the husband of some Pop singer or something, it was finally my turn to present. I straightened up in my seat practically twitching with nerves over this prospective article. Uncovering the truth about Tony Stark could not only put our Little newspaper on the map, but throw myself and our staff to the next level, but I wasn’t blind to the fact that Tony was also one of the wealthiest men in the world and that fact alone made him dangerous. Dean, along with his brother Sam, was the Editor in Chief of the paper and the one who gave me my big break, Sam was more like friendly competition given he was the other Investigative journalist on staff. I glanced from Dean to Sam and back to Dean before speaking. “It was announced on the news this morning that Tony Stark is stepping down as CEO of Stark Enterprises, now before you go giving me that look hear me out.” I Said, noticing Deans expression shifted, as if he was prepared to argue. The Financial editor glared at me, probably mad I scooped his story. “Stark is stepping down and handing over his fortune 500 company to his assistant Pepper Potts. That strike anyone else here as strange?” I asked glancing around the room. A few heads nodded others looked confused themselves, Deans expression was unreadable as he let me continue. “Something is going on there, of all the people to pass it to why her and why now? I wanna do some digging and see if I can’t find the bigger story behind this sudden change. I want to unearth everything I can about Tony Stark and blow this story out of the water.” I finished, watching Dean for any type of reaction. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sam move slightly before he finally spoke. “You realize this could be nothing right? Also, digging into a man as powerful as Stark could be dangerous, why don’t you let” “No!” I cut him off quickly, “I can handle it Sam, i'm not passing this story off to you, besides don’t you have some Slumlord to shake down or something?” I added rolling my eyes, irritated he would suggest I just hand off an assignment like this.

“Look im just saying Layla, you already have a laundry list of Enemies and I would hate for” “And Im sure starks list is bigger Sam” I cut him off again, glaring daggers at the shaggy haired brunette.

“Alright alright” Dean cut in, finally speaking. “You get 14 Days, come up with something Substantial in 2 weeks or I pass this story off to Sam. And It should go without saying but let me remind you to be careful”

I nodded, happy I won this confrontation, another 25 minutes later assignments had been passed out and we left the meeting everyone going our separate ways, I rushed straight to my office ready to jump into this. Moments after I sat behind my desk I heard a light tap, looking up dean was standing in my doorway arms crossed leaning against the frame. “ I know you’re determined to turn this into a story, I just wanted to remind you to stay safe. Sometimes the story isn’t worth risking everything.” “As Henry Anatole Grunwald Said “Journalism can never be silent: That is its greatest virtue and its greatest fault. It must speak, and speak immediately, while the echoes of wonder, the claims of triumph and the signs of horror are still in the air.” You may think im crazy Dean, but I feel it there’s a story here and Im gonna prove it.” He must have seen the determination on my face because after a heavy sigh he conceded “Ok, let me know if you need anything. I’ll do whatever I can to help you find the story. And if you need backup don’t hesitate to take Sam, I know he annoys you but he’s nearly as good a journalist as you, just don’t tell him I said that.” He added. I chuckled at his confession and nodded, “Thanks, I’ll let you know if something comes up.” He gave my a quick nod and tapped the door frame a few times before backing out the room, I fired my computer back up and sighed. I’ve got work to do.

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Tags: @lancetuckershairgel @stuck-y-together @buckmesideways22 @eurynome827 @book-dragon-13 @marvelous-meggi @spacemansam @cametobuyplums @loricameback @collinsstanharbour @marvelgirl7 @jewelofwinter @jobean12-blog @sebastiansloserclub

#dark!bucky #dark!steve rogers #Steve Rogers #Bucky Barnes #layla james #wade wilson #AU marvel #Avengers Au #Bammy Writes #Some Secrets Are Better Left Dead

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dontyouhearmehowling · 4 years

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oh my god. Ok so I just scrolled through your blog and my heart hurts because there is so much love and just so much stuff I can relate too and I just ahhh damnnn it I cant even but like can I please have the story of your relationship with this girl your with? please? i'm a hopeless romantic I feel too much I love so hard my own love life is complicated but i know the kind of love you talk about thats exactly how i love the love of my life too so yours is a story I need to hear

ok so. it all started on April 31st, 2018. i reblogged one of those ask games and she sent me an emoji that said “i’m too scared to talk to you but i think you’re great” and i was like do it!!! and she did!!!! she texted me after i had already gone to sleep tho, so i only answered the next day. but then we talked all day. and the next. and the next. and we never ran out of things to talk about and even only knowing her for a few days i already felt comfortable enough with her to talk about anything?? it was wild. since day 1 we’ve had this connection that i’ve never had with anyone else and its my favorite thing in the world. after like a week we already had a bunch of inside jokes, something that i’d never had before, and i was already crushing on her. ok so we became very close friends like immediately, and i mostly ignored my crush on her bc i thought she didn’t like me back and usually i’d get meaningless crushes on everyone at first before i met her. but then this other girl and i started flirting and i realized i didnt like her bc i liked c too much, so i broke things off and kinda went like “oh shit this is real” and decided that i’d just stay friends with c until i eventually couldnt take it anymore and had to tell her abt my feelings bc thats how i am. anyways ok cool meanwhile i made her watch the good place on rabb.it with me which will be relevant later.

ok so fast forward to may 21st or something around that time. its time to sleep bc i have school the next day so we say goodnight, but then i guess she says something or reblogs something and i get sad bc i realize she doesnt like me back. so i make some hashtag sad posts abt yearning and then i realize i told her i was going to sleep and i didnt want her to think i didnt want to talk to her so i text her again and say like “ok i was going to go to sleep but then i got sad abt my crush” and SHE GOES “you have a crush????????” and im there like. what in the hell bc not only did i not try to hide it At All, i constantly posted about it and had an entire tag about her and i thought it was pretty obvious. so anyways i go “yes?? i thoought you knew that?? im literally always posting about it??” and she asks me to talk abt the crush and who it is. i say “just stalk the tag if u want, im going to sleep” then shes like “nO WAIT WHO IS IT” and im like. blatantly ignoring that and my heart is already beating out of my chest but she Really wants to know and then at one point i say “please dont make me answer that” so shE SAYS “you’re making me think that its me” and i say “i dont know what you want me to say” and SHE GOES “I WANT YOU TO SAY THAT ITS ME BC I HAVE A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU” so i just. die. right then and there. also yknow we talk about it and its like after 1 am and im just happier than i’ve ever been. ok so 2 days later she asks me out Officially and its great and shes the cutest gf ever and she made me feel more wanted than i’d ever felt in my entire life. then 6 days later she sends me a big big big text on tumblr and long story short (bc it was kinda personal), she would be deleting her all social media for the summer.

so she was gone. and we had only dated for a week at this point, but we’d known each other for 2 months, and i already loved her. i already knew she was the love of my life. i didnt even try to move on, i’d tell people i didnt wanna move on cuz i knew i was meant to love her. i had another blog like this that i used to talk about how much i loved and missed her (so like. exactly like this). i literally reasoned with myself that like. that happened because before i met her i was in a really bad place after a terrible relationship and i was almost giving up on finding someone who actually made me feel loved bc i thought it would never happened, so i was like “ok so i was in a really bad place, so the universe brought my soulmate a little early just for a while so that i would know i had to hold on, and when its actually time for us to be together, it will bring us to each other once again” like i actually told myself that, in those words. and yknow what? i wasnt even wrong. on july 15th she texted me from an empty tumblr with her old url and at first i literally couldnt believe it but we talked for hours and hours and i asked her what happened bc i thought she was disconnecting for the summer and she said “i was. i am. i just couldnt not talk to you anymore” and she said that she thought about me every single day, and i told her i missed her and she said she didnt text sooner bc she thought i’d be angry at her and ofc i wouldnt, i could never be angry at her and besides, she was just taking care of herself and i said i dont think i could be anything less than head over heels for for, and she said she felt the same way, but wasnt ready to be more than friends yet. but that had always been more than enough for me. just having her in my life would always be more than enough for me. so we stayed friends.

then, on august 9th i got this ask.

and she saw it after i said i was gonna go to bed (bc again, i had school the next day) and she texted me a whole thing about how that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said about her and that i should be asleep but she had to get it out of her chest and that her anxiety made it hard for her to show how much i meant to her so she was sorry if i didnt know and this would probably make no sense but she was tired of keeping it to herself bc shes the luckiest person alive for having met me and that it was gonna be so hard because shes so difficult (shes not) and her anxiety is difficult but that she literally spent every night thinking about me and of buying plane tickets to come see me so that she could be with me. then she was like “im sorry if this is uncomfortable to you and you can just ignore it but i think im in love with you and this is over text and not romantic at all (it was the most romantic night of my life) but you’re asleep (i wasnt) and we arent together but i want to be one day” and until this i was Trying to fall asleep and then i checked my phone that kept RINGING and died a thousand times over and started to answer and she sent other texts saying “i’ve never felt this way about anyone before i’m so in love with you its fucking ridiculous and this is gonna be so complicated but fuck i want this so bad / i’m sorry it took me so long / would you move to new york with me?” and i was This Close to literally fucking exploding like. how the hell was this happening how was it not a DREAM. so we talked and i obviously said i loved her too and eventually she asked me out and thats still probably the best night of my life. other highlights: “i’ve loved you way before august 9th so jot that down” and “off topic but i love you / you’re honestly my other half” and, after i said “you cant make me laugh its 2am”, she answered “i’m going to make you laugh for the rest of your life so help me god” and thats my favorite thing anyone has ever said to me probably and so far she’s kept her word.

anyways we got back together and then she told me that she never even told her friends she broke up with me??? bc that way she could keep pretending we were still together???? literally like sjdksndk imagine being this loved. i dont have to. anyways she wrote poems abt me sometimes and her christmas gift for me was gonna be a book with all her poems and she called it “what we owe to each other” because of the good place (remember how i said it’d be relevant later? its later) bc like she said that when we were watching tgp together on rabb.it thats when she realized that she Really Truly liked me like For Real. and the inscription on the book was going to be “to the girl i love / and what i owe her” and. yall. i cry. anyways one of the poems had a huge impact on us. heres the story:

and she got them but we broke up before she got to mail them to me. what happened was she had some mental health problems and she said she couldnt give me what i needed at the time but knew i’d still give her my all bc thats just how i am and she thought it wouldnt be fair so she broke things off to work on her mental health. she said she would need some time before we could be friends. the last thing we said was that we loved each other. this was in like november 2018, and we didnt talk for months. i actually tried to move on this time after a while, but it didnt take. and then i gave up for good. havent tried since. but anyways, then, on march 11th, 2019, i had my first day of college back in my home country, and we have this “pranks”/games that seniors get to do to the freshmen, and one of them required eggs, and they asked us to paint them, so i panted mine as iron man bc it was easy, but c LOVES iron man. like. LOVES. like in a Whole New Level of loving. once when we were dating she said she loved me more than tony stark and i was like. shook. like she tattooed “T.S” on her ankle after him. u get the point. she loves him very much, its adorable and endearing and i love it. anyways. so i sent her a picture of it saying like “you dont have to answer this but i made this for my university and i thought you would like it” and she answered and IMMEDIATELY something clicked and we talked and talked and talked and it was never weird or awkward or uncomfortable. it never is with her. its incredible, i cant explain it. i Know shes my soulmate like thats the ONLY possible explanation for this kind of connection. its unreal. anyways. we became friends again! all was well.

then one beautiful night she drunk texts me sndjkajs she sends me so many texts and says it sucks that we live so far away and that she saw my posts (in this particular case, one that said something about like. when she talked about love now, was it about someone else?) and she said that it wasnt. and then she went to sleep and i only saw the texts when i woke up and i was DYING bc we had a 4 hour difference and it’d take a while for her to wake up. when she did, we talked and she said she wasnt over me and was scared she might never be, and even though we were still gonna stay friends, it was nice to know that she still loved me. ok so fast forward a bit more and i was starting to wonder if she’d moved on again, when she finds out her best friend had a crush on her, and that conversation ends up with her saying “it was 100% platonic for me / sorry if thats weird i just wanted you to know that” and it was NOT weird it was GREAT NEWS bc i was Hella jealous of her best friend and at first i wondered if they were dating and anyways the fact that she wanted me to know that was a pretty good hint that she still had feelings for me. ngl im still somewhat jealous of h (c’s best friend), but thats just bc im an insecure lil bitch and also bc they get to go out and do stuff together that i cant do with c bc of the distance, yknow? but anyways. then she went on a graduation trip in mid to the end of june and she bought me a magnet. just. out of nowhere. i cannot stress enough how Incredibly unexpected this was. so much so that i actually convinced myself that it meant she was over me????? literally. what the fuck. anyways we named him together and coincidentally (or bc of soulmate powers. who knows) we both had the same favorite names. i still love that.

okay so then we go to july 29th, 2019. first of all theres one of my favorite interactions Ever which was like after i was venting about something and i was thanking her and i said “you’re always here for me” to which she answered “nowhere else i’d rather be” and i still think thats peak romance and i will take no criticism on this. anyways so then she sent me a poem that she wrote based on a song i’d sent her (the song i called “heaven is a place” and its the BIGGEST mood for being in love and i sent it to her bc it was how i felt about her so her writing a poem about it?? literally the best thing ever. love it) anyways it was a beautiful poem and i cried and got very emotional and kinda went too far in my compliments (aka being very obvious about my romantic feelings) and then i was like oh no sorry if i made u uncomfortable and she was like. “you have NEVER. EVER EVER EVER EVER made me uncomfortable” “you’re the only person on planet earth i am comfortably myself around” and “there’s nothing you could ever say that i wouldn’t wanna hear” and anyways it was just very good and romantic conversation even tho we were just cough cough platonic hashtag gal pals hashtag no homo ✌️ and then she was like ok wait. i need to talk to u abt something. and in short she said she was waiting for us and i was like well what are you waiting for exactly? and she was like idk?? for us to accidentally bump into each other in new york in a few years?? WHICH WAS LITERALLY WHAT I’D DAYDREAM ABOUT BACK IN JUNE 2018 BEFORE SHE CAME BACK OKAY so anyways we had a Great conversation and said i love you about a thousand times each and she decided she was gonna buy tickets to come see me. and then she dID like TWO DAYS LATER. lichrally. queen of impulsivity but in the best way possible.

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ok quick edit here cuz i forgot to say that when i found out she was coming i asked for my mom’s help to make a necklace pendant for her from scratch. my mom works with prosthetics so she has the material to make jewelry and back when c and i were dating in 2018 i had made this lil design for a necklace that had the moon and the ocean (bc duh) and i was gonna give it to her for valentines day in 2019 but we broke up before that so i didnt get the chance, but when i found out i was meeting her i knew i had to. so i made the necklace in wax, like this:

and my mom took it to her work and heated it up to melt it and keep the shape of it to fill with silver, and this was the result:

i gave it to her when she got here and she wore it while she was here and it made me so happy. ok edit over

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ok so we kept being like couple-y but not officially in a relationship bc we didnt want to make her anxiety worse. also at one point she was like “so about the ‘i love you more than the moon/ocean’ thing, since we BOTH love BOTH of the moon AND the ocean, i think its only Fair if we update our love declarations to ‘i love you more than the mocean’ bc its mix of both but thats not a word, buT its pronounced exactly like ‘motion’. therefore we should both start saying ‘i love you more than the motion’”. so now we have both the wonderful, romantic, original version, and the NOT ROMANTIC AT ALL DO U HEAR ME C??? version :) and after this day she always started with the WORST!!!!!! version, and i always started with the Only Valid Version, but we’d still answer each other’s ofc because. well. thats love i gues?? it sorta goes like this though: her: i love you more than the motion / me: i hate u / me: i literally hate u so much / me: i Also love you more than the motion

but anyways she was coming to visit me but the plane ticket wasnt for my home country it was for where i was going to university at (a new university, i was starting over) and when i first got here on this campus, i didnt have a working phone number for this country, and i wouldnt be able to access the wifi for 3 days, so i had no way of talking to her. it was TERRIBLE and i missed her more than anything in my LIFE but when i got wifi (after CRYING to the people here bc theyre the most unorganized uni ever and i was already very overwhelmed and stressed) i immediately called her and she’d sent me over 100 text messages dkfjssjks it was amazing, there were two (2) videos of her singing (which is like. objectively the best thing in the world, and the song was rlly romantic and i love it sm when she showed it to me for the first time she said it made her think abt me), a poem, AND a HUGE text with “i love you” written like. a THOUSAND TIMES. seriously i have a gif of it opening and scrolling bc it was so long that the text wouldnt show up directly on the chat screen and u have to click on it to see the rest. i’d never felt more loved in my entire life by anyone ever. anyways so then it came the day for her to get here and i had to wake up at 5 am to go get her at the airport and the uber was like $40 but who CARES it was the best day of my LIFE and i got there 20 minutes earlier bUT GUESS WHAT SO DID SHE (hashtag just soulmate things) then we facetimed the entire time while she was walking through the airport and getting her luggage and then she hung up to walk to the door where i was and we hugged for like 5 minutes and we were totally in people’s way and also almost fell but it was the best thing in the world and i never should’ve let her go. but, we had to go home, so i did. and we spent 4 days together and im not gonna go into details bc this is already too long but u can always send me another ask about her visit if ur not a coward. also i bought her a hoodie from my uni and whenever she wears it i just. die. in short, those days were the happiest i’ve ever been. this campus res had never felt like home before that friday and it hasnt again since that monday, but i swear to god, during those 4 days, this was the only place i could possibly belong.

anyways then she left and i cried for the entire uber ride home and then i cried all day. lmao. also when she was here she gave me the poetry book, the magnet, and the bracelet. still wear the bracelet every single day and i love it more than anything. but then personal stuff happened and we kinda stopped being couple-y again and we’re just friends now but before new years i asked her if she still loved me and she said yes and she said she’d tell me if it changed so ✌️✌️ im assuming it hasnt. even tho my brain is a bitch and everyday its like. today. today is the day. this is when its gonna happen. buT yknow we’ve spent months before without even talking to each other and we got through that still in love, so i mostly ignore it. and tbh i know that actually like, even if we grow apart now (god forbid, but still) we’ll find our way back to each other eventually. like, i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: nothing, not even the universe itself, can convince me that shes not my soulmate. and even if it turns out i’m not hers, loving her is still the greatest honor i can think of.

another edit: also i started drawing recently and the first person i’ve ever finished drawing was her and also (surprise surprise @c since you’re already seeing all my feelings anyway) bc of my second drawing i almost missed the deadline for one of my midterms (which was a take-home test) bc instead of writing it i spent the entire day before the deadline finishing the drawing which was a secret valentines day gift (secret as in she didnt know it was supposed to be a gift, she thought it was just a drawing inspired by a quote that she loves) and i finished at 2 am but shes 3 hours behind so for her it was still 11 pm which MEANS it was still valentines day so it still counts, i win, lesbian rights!

#mine #l #answered #dont rb #i dont think anyone will but this is personal and i dont want to risk it getting out #i wanna have this bc i love telling people this story and next time someone asks i’ll just send them this post

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