#so much to that it becomes a mental illness

[acesw]

Reverse: 1999 : Disabled Characters

The game doesn't stray too far on the neurodivergent allegory for the arcanists themselves. But at the same time, there are also inclusions of other characters who are very much known to be disabled. So for this post I'll delve into that, just a bit.

Now, there are 10 characters that I want to put in the spotlight. These mostly lean towards being canon, but a part of these are also researched upon and shortened so the post doesn’t become way too long.

Cristallo, Rabies, Erick : Chronic Illness

It's quite self explanatory that Cristallo herself has a chronic illness. She was born prematurely, with an added condition that makes her physically fragile. As seen in the game, she needs a life-support system to maintain her health when she's outside. It's also implied that her condition may be a recurrent cancer, as her arcane abilities are tied to a machine that provides cobalt therapy, a known advancement in radiotherapy in the post-WWII era.

Rabies is an odd case. In his stories, it's noted that Adam cured Alicia through unknown means at the cost of contracting rabies himself. However, instead of the virus being acute and guaranteed to be fatal, it becomes a chronic illness to Rabies due to the abundance and use of arcanum. And since the rabies virus attacks the brain, his cognitive capabilities and ability to recall things before the present had been impaired, making him rather docile and animal-like in nature as a result.

Erick, as revealed in her anecdote, has a hereditary blood condition that came with her arcane skill. With her arcane skill making her physically powerful, overusing it will accelerate the effects of her blood condition to the point that it can become fatal. To prevent this, she also inherited an armband from her grandfather, Harald. The armband suppresses one's ability to use arcane skills, but by extension it also prevents Erick's condition getting worse.

Shamane : Amputee

Shamane's circumstances are also self-explanatory. He lost his arm for unknown reasons, but after having lived without it for 20 years, it doesn't bother him anymore. However as we know, he crafted his prosthetic arm as a means to avoid scaring kids. (which I think is quite cool in itself)

Ms. Radio, Bessmert : Blindness

Ms. Radio and our new friend, Bessmert, are both canonically blind. Ms. Radio has stated that she cannot see, and asks Vertin to left in places where she can feel temperatures to make her feel at peace.

And as we know, Yenisei (or in other words, Yenisei's VA) has stated in the 1.6 livestream that Bessmert is known to be blind, but even with that, she's a great researcher and guide to her.

Mesmer Jr. : OCD [Content Warning: Mentions of Self Harm and Suicide.]

Mesmer Jr.'s character has heavily implied throughout the main story and her own to have OCD as a result of the traumatic experiences she had gone through from her field of work and her family’s history in it. She identifies that she has "incurable" anxiety, which causes her to think differently about arcanists and act a little irrationally from our own perspective. This anxiety results in double checking everything and having a slightly intensive routine.

This routine is created as a means to maintain herself and her own sanity, but an imbalance or interruption can greatly upset her. As a result, she has conflicting ideals, experiences hallucinations and panic attacks, has suicidal thoughts, and actively inflicts self harm as a means to cope with her anxiety. However, she’s calmer and at peace with herself when she's left alone in a quieter and clean space, away from others, and where nature is heard more than constant buzzing. In short, Mesmer Jr.’s mental health is really complex and would be better if it's explored in a separate post.

Baby Blue : Alice in Wonderland syndrome

It's no secret that Baby Blue has Alice in Wonderland syndrome, or in other words dysmetropsia. This affects her perception of reality and her ability to recall, but this in turn makes her arcane abilities all the more powerful. As a result, she doesn't realize that she's growing up, yet it seems she doesn't mind that much. This doesn't seem to affect her physically either; In fact, it has a heavy influence on how she displays her arcane skills.

Poltergeist : Social Anxiety

Poltergeist has been known to be anxious in social settings which conflicts with her people-pleasing tendencies. She's also insecure about herself which adds up to her not wanting to be directly perceived. At the same time, she doesn't like being left alone as a result of having been ignored and forgotten post mortem. Poltergeist is also elaborate (i.e. not wanting to be looked at for too long) yet awkward at the same time when communicating them.

However, I'm not sure how to describe Poltergeist's case quite well, but the idea of her having social anxiety resonates greatly in my mind, so it can be treated as a partial headcanon.

Balloon Party : Autism and Speech Impairment

Balloon Party as a child had contracted an illness that caused her to have a persistent high fever. In the end, she awakened her arcane skill this way, with her being able to cough up balloons that can be harmful or a cure to anything.

However, it might have also affected her speech because of the physical strain that comes from coughing, it results to BP's speech being a bit slow and having abnormal pauses before she speaks again. Though, this also might be a sign of her possibly also having autism, where rigid and uneven language development is a common pattern in how autism affects one's ability in communication. Her speech also has a pattern of echolalia, having a flat tone, and lack of control of it.

However, speech impediment isn't everything about autism, and there's a lot more about BP's character that also connects with it such as her special interests. I can better explore this in a different post, which will be explained below.

Last Notes

These are the characters I’ve written down, most of these are less headcanon and more of observations I’ve found when looking into these characters. Some people from the lore chat have also added their own insights on some of them. (Thank you lupjo for beta-reading through it and helping me out) 

Of course, there are a few more characters I want to discuss because of the implications of them having autism / ADHD, but these will be written in another post in the future because I still need to research and gather other information. Additionally, it would be an opportunity to talk about the connections between an arcanist’s and neurodivergent person’s relationships with modern society.

Congrats for reaching the bottom of this post, and feel free to add your own ideas or headcanons about the characters here and/or any other ones.

#reverse 1999 #cristallo reverse 1999 #erick reverse 1999 #rabies reverse 1999 #shamane #mesmer jr #baby blue reverse 1999 #poltergeist reverse 1999 #balloon party reverse 1999 #i still have difficulty explaining these things #time to disappear for months again

[h2llish]

Your requests say semi open and I don’t know if this would count as a headcanon or not so I’m just gonna go for it,, but I read a Vil fic from you and you mentioned how he knows his dorm mates appetites and makes them a meal plan or something similar. I don’t know if that’s canon or not cause I haven’t played that far into the game yet but what if the reader is new to their dorm so Vil tries to figure out their appetite and likes just to realize he’s never actually seen you eat before, even in the cafeteria (maybe just drinks or smoothies from time to time). Not that the reader has a disorder, just that they forgot to eat, is too lazy to, just doesn’t want to eat at that time, mainly eats at night or can just go long hours before feeling hungry. Now I have read your rules but I don’t know if this would count as any mental illness/disorder, so if it does then you can just ignore this and go on with your day. But if this doesn’t then could Vil lowkey observe (or ig just ask) the reader to figure them out or maybe even gain feelings while doing so? Again you can just ignore this if you’re uncomfortable with it but thank you anyways

⁀➷ ˖ LACK OF APPETITE

notes ─── hello dear! it is actually canon that he creates routines and diets for his dormmates, it’s so sweet. anyways, sorry if this took too long but here you go! hope this is to your approval <3

VIL SCHOENHEIT ─── he does his best for all his dormmates, but you make it difficult. ♡ fluff mostly, gender neutral, mentions of not eating, lowercase intended, reader was in heartslabyul before they transferred, hints at feelings during the end

vil liked to pride himself in his ability to help his dormmates become the best version of themselves. he was careful and observant ─ meticulous in how he created diets and routines that worked best for every person in his dorm. everyone had their own diet, their own skincare routine, it was different for everyone. vil would spend nights in his room or the commons, noting down what certain students could and couldn’t eat, adding in allergies and current medical status. he wanted everyone to be their best self and that started with a routine.

but not many knew about his late planning, how much effort he put into making sure his dormmates felt confident in who they were and were healthy while doing so. pomefiore dorm residents complained. vil didn’t often hear them but he knew, but he couldn’t be upset about it, they followed his advice either way ─ he didn’t care if they hated him in the process. 

everyone in his dorm had a routine, a diet, even the freshmen he had spent a few late nights working hard to create a fitting diet for. ─ well, everyone did, that is, until you, a junior recently transferred from heartslabyul, came to his dorm. vil did what he always did when it came to creating a diet for his dormmates. but after many nights of a lack of development in his notes about you, creating a diet for you proved, simply put, difficult. 

if vil hadn’t seen you bite into the occasional apple slices or drink a small smoothie every once in a while, he would almost be under the impression you didn’t eat at all ─ which is ridiculous, but one can’t blame him when he hardly sees you pick up food, even as you sit in the cafeteria, scrolling through your phone and sitting with trey and cater as they ate their own lunch. neither of them seemed fazed by your lack of lunch, hardly batting an eye when you joined them and began a conversation. even when you denied an apple from trey, they didn’t seem all that concerned.

vil can admit he was starting to grow concerned the longer he watched this lack of routine in your diet. this was not good for your health ─ not eating. although you didn't look to be lacking nutrition, that didn't do much to sway vil’s concern for one of pomefiore’s residents.

vil was not one to dwell, if he had a question then he would simply ask.

that moment came after he had not seen you at dinner once more, despite you being one of the four in charge of dinner duty that night. ─ he asked the three dorm residents who were on cooking duty with you, and they shrugged, commenting that you said you “just weren’t all that hungry”. a repeating response you often give around breakfast and dinner time. ─ and vil thought it to be a good time to voice his concern with your lack of eating, so he began his way to your room.

“housewarden?” you asked with a bit of surprise, blinking at the actor who had just knocked on your door. you narrowed your eyes with confusion, and a little bit of concern, wondering if you had done something wrong, or if you had forgotten something. “is everything alright?”

vil nodded, quickly cutting to the chase of his visit before you could ask any more questions, “i have a concern, so if you could answer me truthfully, it would be appreciated.”

you blinked at him again, confusion visible in your expression as you repeated his words, “a concern?” you scratched your cheek awkwardly, releasing the hold you had on your bedroom door after opening it to his knocking before. “okay, sure.”

“[name],” he said your name rather sternly, “have you been eating properly?”

you let out a noise that sounded almost like a huh. you half expected this concern to be about your grades or school conduct (not that either were a cause for concern. you think). but to hear him ask about eating habits ─ wait, did he learn about the late nights you would sneak into the kitchen to make you food? you thought you were being careful! did rook find out? that hat wearing vice housewarden did always seem to know everything but would he snitch on you if he discovered your secret? trey was always more lenient back in heartslabyul, even when he would stumble upon you casually cooking a grilled cheese in the dark. perhaps you shouldn't have assumed rook would be the same (but trey also said he'd probably stay quiet if he did find you.)

“what do you mean?” you asked, hoping you weren't about to get in trouble for your late night snacking (snacking would really be an understatement, sometimes you'd cook yourself a complete meal).

“you’ve only been here for two weeks and yet you've skipped every breakfast and dinner, always with the same excuse.” he explained, to which you pursed your lips. “you also don't eat lunch, to my knowledge, even when you sit with your old dormmates. so, i ask again, are you eating properly?”

you were surprised, effectively caught off guard by your new housewardens confrontation. ─ “ah, shit.” you gasped, covering your mouth after the slip of the tongue, “i’m so sorry, housewarden.”

but vil didn't seem to bat an eye at your words, “if you struggle with food─.”

“it’s not like that!” you quickly interrupted him, before scrambling to apologize for doing so, “i’m sorry, but that's not it all.” 

your words gained you a look from vil that clearly held the question “then what is it?”. you sighed and your shoulders slumped ─ you never quite liked explaining your odd eating habits (or lack-there-of), because no one ever understood and always told you, you needed to stop. but it's not your fault!

but vil showed a concern, and you didn't want your eating habits to be mistaken for something more. ─ so you broke into a ramble of an explanation. 

“i do eat! swear., i actually think i eat pretty well!” you looked at your housewarden with an almost awkward grin, hoping that would be the end of it. but when that didn't seem to be a satisfactory answer for vil, you sighed and crossed your arms, and found yourself continuing into a familiar explanation.

"i don’t have a problem with eating. I’m just not usually hungry in the mornings so i just don't eat. but i do make myself food to have between my classes. but then i’m not hungry by lunch so i don't eat. and about dinner, i know i skip it, but i eat, just well, when everyone is asleep.” you scratched your cheek again, almost smiling embarrassingly as you added, “and uhm, well, sometimes, y’know, i forget.”

vil was silent for a moment, nodding slowly, “i see. i’m relieved to know you do eat.” you nodded and smiled at your new housewarden, but that smile faded when he looked back at you with a stern glare, “but, we do need to talk about this. it isn't very healthy.”

you frowned, “we do?”

vil was relieved to know you did eat ─ although you lacked a routine, you at least weren't unhealthy by going without food. but he certainly didn't enjoy finding out that there were moments eating simply crossed your mind, and you went without doing so. nor was he happy when he learned you would spend nights sneaking around the dorm to cook yourself something to eat or take something from the fridge to quickly snack on.

with the news of your rather not-so-ideal eating habits, he brought up helping you create a proper routine (and with it, a healthy, more steady diet), offering to create a process that would help you build one slowly, to your own rhythm. 

and you did agree, although, maybe with some hesitance. ─ you have tried giving yourself a routine, knowing that your habits weren't so ideal (especially forgetting to eat until the clock struck two and you were hit by the empty grumble of your stomach). but you ultimately, always failed. 

and so that's how you found yourself with a written schedule, one that explained your choice breakfast. a choice to eat between classes so that you will at least have energy to eat lunch, as well as dinner choices if you don't eat what was made. none of them were extreme, you noticed ─ vil had truly taken into account everything you told him. ─ your lack of appetite in the morning being one.

“good morning, [name].” you were greeted by the actor upon entering the dining room of pomefiore, many of your fellow dorm residents already sitting at the table. “will you be joining us? there's apples and other fruits on the table.” ─ and on the table there was a bowl of selections between fruits, something small but food nonetheless. 

“oh, sure!” you smiled, following your housewarden as he led you to the others. ─ a first small step to the beginning of a routine.

it was not easy to get used to a new routine, one that changed with your progress. ─ two weeks in, you did sit with your dormmates at breakfast, but always chose to eat a fruit or something else that was small (and vil approved). you still lack an appetite in the morning, and you doubted that would change. and then there was lunch ─ there were times you didn't eat, simply forgetting to grab a lunch as you greeted your friends. and then come dinner time, it was similar to lunch, forgetting and moving on to your room to study or entertain yourself until vil came to get you with a sigh.

but vil seemed to understand, even offering to remind you if it ever seemed like you were going to forget to eat again. 

this all inevitably led to more time spent with your housewarden ─ more than you had ever spent with riddle back in heartslabyul. and you learned about vil much like he learned about you.

vil schoenheit was a man who enjoyed routine in terms of skin and diets ─ he wanted the best for those around them. he was concerned for you and your eating habits (or perhaps rather, lack of), so he did his best to help you ─ to help you make a healthier, less worrying habit of diet. 

“housewarden!” 

vil paused, turning away from rook, who he was just conversing with to face the familiar voice. you waved and smiled at vil and and pomefiore’s vice housewarden as you approached, just before stopping in front of them. 

“hello, [name].” vil greeted.

“are you guys going to the cafeteria?” a nod from vil only kept your grin on your face, “mind if i join you guys?” 

vil looked back at his friend, who obviously held no objections to the new addition to their duo, smiling an all too familiar smile. he turned back to you with another nod, “not at all.”

“great!” you almost skipped alongside him as the three of you set out for the cafeteria, with you and rook breaking into easy conversation.

you eventually turned away from the hat wearing eccentric and towards your housewarden, humming, “say, have you heard what the ghosts will be be having today?” 

“a most favored sandwhich is on the menu!” rook answered for vil, and you turned to him, blinking. “but i fear we may be too late to get one of our own.”

“awe,” you sighed, “that’s too bad, i kinda wanted a sandwich for lunch today. maybe they'll have other choices.” 

vil looked at you after your comment, and smiled, “you’ll be eating lunch today, [name]?”

“yeah! a sandwich, probably. what do you think?” you looked at vil with a smile that didn't hide your own pride in yourself. you were happy to have found an appetite for lunch, (and remembered too!).

“that's good. i’m sure they'll have good choices to choose from. they often do.” vil nodded, and you lit up at the praise in his words ─ and vil was proud, glad you were finally going to eat something that wasn't just a smoothie and an apple. ─ you were making progress.

perhaps he'll have a sandwich as well.

this was fun and relatable. i forget to eat or just don't eat at a time one would think you should. or just lack an appetite. i need vil </3

sorry if there's any mistakes. i proofread this late at night.

do not repost, translate, copy or run my writing through an ai

#𓂃 ࣪ ˖ ❝ requests ❞ #shrimpnetwrk #vil schoenheit #twisted wonderland #twst #x gender neutral reader #x male reader #twisted wonderland x male reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland x gender neutral reader #twst x male reader #twst x reader #twst x gender neutral reader #vil schoenheit x male reader #vil shoenheit x reader #vil schoenheit x gender neutral reader

[xxanaduwrites]

much ado about nothing, major

ii. bluell & blue skies

the main hub

pairing: john “bucky” egan x (ofc) maude “blue” bluell

warnings: this story will contain mature themes, descriptions of injury, blood, sexual content, swearing, as well as, physical and mental illness. proceed with caution.

— ii. some inappro-pro jokes courtesy of curt & mentions of beating a dude up, that’s all i got folks !

word count: 5.5k

there must be something or nothing at all.

The sound of clinking glasses, chattering men, giggling women, and tapping feet amongst the beat of swinging jazz filled the Officer’s Club and the ears of one Maude Bluell at roughly around 2100 hours.

The newly polished nurse of Thorpe Abbot’s infirmary leaned rather uncomfortably against a nearby wall with her fellow colleagues observing the function. Now changed out of her more suitable work attire, she stiffened like a board in the confines of her neatly pressed Red Cross issued uniform. Already becoming rather used to her usual loose white ward dress and cap, the fitted material of the more proper wear seemed foreign to her. Too foreign to be a uniform worn just a week prior, in route for base transfer.

The more she spent in the infirmary, the more time was proving itself to be heavier conceptually speaking and lighter actuality speaking. The truth of the matter was that Nurse Bluell witnessed enough loss in one week that could very well add up to more than whole lifetime.

So maybe — just maybe the Dirty Shirley Q was attempting to shove into Maude’s hand — wasn’t such a bad idea after all. “‘S not all that bad, Blue. Just a cherry little thing with a pinch of alc. ‘S like sucking up straight candy.” Susie slurred and the bright red liquid swayed like a wave in a storm trapped in glass.

“Not everyone wants to rot out their teeth and stain their tongues red like you, Q.” Lottie pointed out and grimaced at the concoction with a sweet cherry on top. To prove her point further, the blonde took a sip of her less colorful drink — a simple gin and tonic.

If the concept of “two sides of the same coin” could be defined by people, Maude was certain Lottie and Q were the perfect definition.

It became quite apparent early on that Lottie upheld a more serious and resolved persona, taste aligning simplistic and rather blander than her bubbly and eccentric colleague Q who flourished in a rather colorful nature.

In an odd way, even though the two could get into the occasional spat over their differences, they overall leveled each other out in a way where Blue wasn’t sure where she exactly fit in. How she found fit into such an established dynamic.

“And not everyone wants to deny every name on their dance card, but here you are,” She countered, clearly commenting on something Maude was unfamiliar with. Something that spiked a nerve in Lottie. The red headed nurse noticed the newbie's confusion drawing prominently in her features. “Lots has a look but no touch policy,” She explained, the drink flailing about even more dangerously as she exasperated, enough for Maude to accept this drink from her without a word.

Crossing her arms over her chest, the all work, no play blonde ignored her former colleague and turned to her new one. “It’s not entirely true. You see, I look at it this way. We touch men all day long –” Sue promptly cut Lottie off with a well timed snort, and Lottie sighed but continued on, “rotating between check-ups, wrapping wound after wound, and seeing them in their most vulnerable states…I just – I don’t know, something about it doesn’t sit right with me,” she shrugged nonchalantly, not knowing that her words laid heavily on Maude’s own chest.

“But, there’s no denying that the girl lovesssss to look!” Sue chirped in, nudging her friend’s shoulder who’s mischievous grin was hidden behind the rim of her gin and tonic. “Speaking of, has anyone caught your eye yet, Blue? See anything you like?” She mused, fishing for the hot gossip as she liked to do.

Had anyone caught her eye? Well a very certain major who had waltzed his way into the infirmary just this morning had, but could she admit such a thing when she was trying to convince herself otherwise?

“Oh I – I dunno,” Maude finally spoke up and blushed madly, cheeks promptly dusting pink.

She suddenly felt grateful for the Dirty Shirley and took a sip, the tart yet sweet mixture coating her tongue in a delightful way. The condensation of the glass felt cool against her now heated skin, and she prayed it would cool down her unease in the current conversation. If not, at least she could simply blame it on the drink. Not that she knew very well what it was like for herself. She wasn’t much of a drinker to begin with, but she had been around enough functions with family and friends alike to know how flushed face one could get on a glass or two – worse with a few more added into the mix.

“Give the girl some time. She just got here after all and we haven’t given her a run down yet on who’s who.” She noted. “Wait, have we?” She asked, turning to Blue for confirmation to which she shook her head in a delcarative no. “Oh then, this’ll be a thrill. Perfect timing then, ain’t it Sue.”

“Absolutely! You’re in good hands Maude Bluell. Can’t go wrong with Lots full boring government names in conjunction with my fun nicknames for the full effect.” Sue added.

“It’s not boring, it’s official and makes our job a whole lot easier.” Lottie reasoned. “At least I can identify each pilot by their title and rank efficiently with no hiccups on their health charts.”

“Hey! It was just one time, and in my defense it’s not my fault that two Majors decided to have the same goddamn nickname, and it’s no help when Croz only refers to them as the “two Buckys” in conversation.”

“Two Buckys’?” Maude questioned, rather perplexed.

“Yes, see the blonde over there. Strong cheekbones. Full lips. Bright blue eyes,” Lottie — as loud as Maude could hear over the blaring music and as subtly as she could, a good two gin and tonics in — pointed to the definition of such a man seated right in front of the Officer’s band.

Maude followed her eye and nodded in confirmation.

“That’s Major Gale Cleven,” She said in her left ear.

And on her right side Sue added in, “Buck, or in other words — if you couldn’t tell — the man Lots was fawning for before she found out he’s got a girl back home.”

Lottie shot her a look.

“What? Made it real obvious with those detailed descriptors. I’m simply stating facts.” Sue regarded Lottie while fetchinf the cherry out of her own Dirty Shirley “Anyways, Name’s Marge. Short for Marjorie. High School sweethearts from Wyoming or something like that.

Major Gale “Buck” Cleven — Maude repeated over in her head, trying to commit it to memory.

“Couldn’t help it. He’s a real gentleman. Quite reserved but extremely smart. Doesn’t drink. Doesn’t smoke. Doesn’t gamble. Doesn’t dance with a single girl. It intrigued me.” Lottie concluded and then continued on, “next to him, to the right is Major John Egan.” Lottie trained Maude’s gaze just where she wanted her and just where Maude herself had not expected to be.

Major John Egan. Major Egan. The man Lieutenant Payne had mentioned in his demotion and replacement from today’s mission. The man who walked right into the infirmary at 0900 hours and churned something deep inside her, yet to be deciphered.

Out of his flying gear and signature sheepskin jacket, she took in the sight of Major Egan in his more formally pressed uniform, and her breath hitched. There was no denying how handsome he looked all cleaned up, but she wouldn’t make that known to them. Not now and especially not here.

“That’s Bucky.” Q was back in her right ear, and Maude wondered if this is what it felt to have an angel and a devil on your shoulders, whispering different things. “Confusing, aye?”

“Bucky,” she repeated aloud, a small laugh escaping the nurse as she twirled the straw around in her drink. “So it’s Buck and Bucky then, not the Buckys.”

“Technically, yes.” Lottie nodded.

“Quite redundant.”

“Precisely, but for good reason I suppose. Sue can explain that one further.”

“Oh yes!” She lit up. “So apparently, Major Egan has always been known as Bucky back home and when he first saw Major Cleven, well he couldn’t get over how much he looked like some fella named Buck from Manitowoc, Wisconsin — also his home — and they’ve been stuck like glue ever since. All in good word from Curt of course who filled me in on all this business.”

“Right…and oh! Over here is Captain Bernard Demarco.”

“Benny.” Sue cut in again.

“He’s the one that has that sweet pup Meatball running around, and….” Lottie kept the flow going, canning the conversation on the redundant nature of the Buckys.

Maude tried her best to stay attentive, taking in the passing faces and attaching them to their respected names, yet she couldn’t help but draw her gaze back to Major Egan who’s long fingers were tapping against the arms of the chair he occupied to the beat of smooth jazz as he spoke to his friend next to him. She attuned her bouncing stare to the drink starting to take effect in her system, but also to her remembrance of why she truly pulled up to the function — to find Lieutenant Crosby and properly congratulate him on his promotion.

Yet, through the whisking crowd of people, the target of her mission became indetectable.

At some point Katherine “Tatty” Spaatz, daughter of Lieutenant Carl Spaatz, and Helen — both Red Cross volunteers for the Clubmobile circling the Eighth Air Force’ First Air Division — joined in on the conversation, greeting the nurses, and meeting the new addition to their circuit.

Tatty recounted stories to Lottie of countless pilots trying to get in her good graces just to secure a promotion from her father. It never worked, while Helen continued to help Sue familiarize Maude with the crew on base. Helen was in the middle of trying to point out another pilot to the nurse when the band started playing a new song — a popular song that not only Sue knew very well, but Maude too. Blue Skies by Irving Berlin. Maude hummed it to herself the past week any chance she got. Any time she was feeling rather blue so to speak — ironically enough. And Sue — well Sue wasn’t one not to be observant.

“Blue!” She interrupted Helen’s tagging game by latching onto Maude’s arm. “It’s your song.” She proposed excitedly.

Maude, taken aback for just a moment, collected herself enough to correct the notion and Helen’s sudden raised brow. “Oh — I — ‘S not my song. I just like it.” She shrugged.

“But your Bluell. Blue. Blue Skies!” Q slurred shirly as ever. “Come on Blue. Sing for us.”

“Oh no I — I don’t sing,” The shy nurse mumbled out, not lying so to speak but not telling the truth either. Sure, Bluell sang, but only when she was alone. When no one else was present. When she had a good sense of privacy. Humming was one thing, but singing no — singing was a whole other ball game.

“‘S not true. I’ve heard you.” She assured, making escaping this proposition even more impossible.

Maude gasped. “When?”

“Just the other day. When you were out hanging the sheets up on the line,” the red head recalled, not giving up by any means.

As a newbie of sorts, Maude was appointed to hang up the freshly washed sheets outside to dry before the beds were made back up — neat and clean in preparation for the inevitable return of injured pilots. Q usually came out with a basket to collect the dry ones, and on one particular day, she had caught the nurse there — singing away in what she assumed to be a rather private area. Instead of making herself known, Q took a moment to listen to the newbie's voice, connecting to what she could only imagine to be what fluffy clouds would sound like if you could hear them in one’s ears, if clouds could in fact sit in such a way — soft and airy on a summer’s sunny day.

“My, well I —I” Embarrassment dusted Maude’s features as she found herself at loss for words in being discovered.

“Yes, she has quite the voice!” Lottie suddenly overheard the conversation, added in, piquing the interest of the Clubmobile girls.

Maude silently wondered if her colleagues and newfound friends were really her friends at all.

“Oh! Now I must know. Would you sing for us?” Tatty asked, absolutely intrigued by this information and ever-so slightly tipsy herself.

“I – I dunno,” Maude replied shyly, her fingers reaching up to the edge of her collar, tugging the material away from her now heated skin.

“It would boost morale,” Helen reasoned, actually considering the state of their boys and how music seemed to ease their souls.

Especially one Major John Egan who, little to Maude’s current attention, was absolutely fizzing with delight just across the way.

“Do you know what this is missing?” The Major probed suddenly to the blonde Lottie described in heavy detail only moments prior.

Buck, knowing his friend and exactly what he would be up to whenever music was involved did not hesitate in replying. “Nothing.”

“Vocals.” John announced, totally disregarding his friend’s input on the matter.

With a sigh, Gale reiterated, “no, it’s not.”

“I’m gonna sing.” John proposed, as if it was not already obvious enough to Gale.

Already ten steps ahead of his antsy friend, Gale’s reflexes proved to be on par and he eased John back down in his seat just as fast. In complete conjunction as one Nurse Maude Bluell was being eased herself. Right in front of the band and the lone microphone propped on a stand next to the conductor. A conductor who found himself rather confused with the sudden presence as well as the rest of the club when she nervously tapped it with a cherry red nail, freshly done up by Q. A necessity as the red head liked to say in her chain of convincing for the night. A chain that Maude had found herself unmistakably tied to for the rest of the evening with a reasoning of Biddick’s MIA on center stage.

“Looks like a lady has beat you to it.” Gale hummed in complete amusement. An amusement not reciprocated by his friend, slouched in defeat with his arms crossed over his chest in utter disappointment.

The nurse cleared her throat suddenly, trying to stifle her nerves and block out the faces that were drawn to her every move. So much so that she even had one Major John Egan attuned, eyes glued to her like a hawk catching their prey.

A twinge of familiarity washed over him as he took in the young woman with full red lips and pinned up hair, a complete contradiction to the nurse he saw in scrubs just a few hours prior attending to Lieutenant Joseph Payne. Yet, what captivated him, what really set in that sense of recognition were her eyes. Those hazy green eyes that had almost rendered him speechless in completing his promotional tasks for Croz.

“B—Blue Ski —“ the raven haired woman’s vocal chords betrayed her rather quickly leading the men — with a lack of better judgment enraptured with booze filled minds — to laugh at her mishap.

“Learn your place sweetheart!” Someone hollered far away. Too far away for Bucky to attach a face to voice so to speak, but close enough that he could make out every single syllable, every single word clustered in a sentence that made his blood boil tenfold.

He was no singer himself — hell he couldn’t carry a note for the life of him, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that singing — singing your heart out was freeing. It was fun. It was a way to forget the truth of it all. The truth of this reality, adhered to a war wrapped in violence and a future of uncertainty. A future only men lucky enough could promise.

Instead of jumping out of his seat, finding the man, and beating him to a pulp like he really wanted to for speaking to a lady in such a disrespectful manner — he decided on a different approach. An approach that would ease the clear embarrassment of the pretty raven haired nurse in front of him.

“Jack,” he whispered over to the pilot on his left, cringing at the scene. “should I sing?” He asked him, hoping to gain a better sense of backup clearly not tuned to his level headed friend.

To Bucky’s misfortune, Jack was with Buck on this one. “No.”

He tried again, this time with another colleague adjacent to buck. “Should I sing?” He motioned again.

And again. “No. You’ll just make it worse.”

John sighed. “Alright, you’re right. You're right.” He feigned a nod in agreement, putting on a facade that did not last long enough to see the light. Looking back at the nervous nurse caged in laughter of no good nature, John knew there was no shot in hell he’d leave her there imprisoned. Whatever bit of jealousy had set him off as he saw her hit the stage of sorts was long gone.

So, he hyped himself up, readying himself to take flight just as he did every time in a B-17, and tapped his fingers against the wooden edges of his chair. Letting out a breath, he finally stood up and danced his way over to the mic, leading Gale to send him a classic knowing glance of his that was reserved to him alone anytime he whipped up an antic.

“It’s my song, Buck!” He reasoned to his best friend just before turning around and coming face to face with the green eyed goddess.

Completely surprised, Maude nearly gasped at the sudden intrusion but collected herself enough to follow his gaze as he fitted himself behind her.

“May I?” The Major whispered against her ear, his arm brushing against her hip as he reached for the microphone in front of her.

His touch proved to be magnetic — electric even, and it shot something within her enough to keep upright and reply ever-so carefully. “My yes. Of — Of course, Major.” She went to step out of the way, but a warm and gentle hand wrapped around her waist and pulled her up against John’s side.

She could have melted then in his embrace, fitted so perfectly next to him as he grasped the mic and stared down at her as he began to sing….

Never saw the sun shining so bright

Never saw things going so right

Noticing the days hurrying by

And then, just as she was starting to feel comfortable being serenaded, but considering the prospects of a duet, Major Egan’s hand flexed at her side, signaling the tilt of the mic close enough in her direction that they could sing together.

Yet, to her surprise he let her have her moment alone.

When you’re in love. My how they fly.

And the lines came out clear — clearer than she could ever imagine, but that was all she would contribute. She’d let the Major take the reins on the rest of the song with a simple nod of encouragement.

Blue days

All of them gone

Nothing but blue skies

From now on

With a final flourish, he dipped the young nurse. Her heart dropped to her stomach at the sudden movement, sending shock waves throughout her whole body in a reminiscent way. One that reminded her of her childhood. It brought back memories of the very first time she ever rode the Coney Island Cyclone with her father. The creeks of the wooden structure probed nervous jitters as the roller coaster went up, up, up — only to bring sweet relief as the cars swooshed down, down, down. And down she was now with Major Egan’s charming features in her direct line of sight. Pretty pearly whites, deep blue eyes, and large warm hands leaving her breathless yet grounded in his embrace.

If it wasn’t for the cheers that rounded out amongst the ladies and the hardy laughs that echoed from the men, the Major and nurse could have very well been locked in their own world — where it was just the two of them, alone. But they weren’t alone. They were surrounded by a bubbly crowd of fellow airmen and red cross members alike who were now making their way to the floor to dance out their newfound excitement.

Yet, the caging of it all felt rather intimate to Maude — who was now being pulled right back up by Major Egan. With a bit of a stumble and a trip of a heel, he caught her before she could trip — a strong arm wrapping around her lower back, urging her upright like a straight torpedo.

Her cheeks reddened ripper than the deep shade of lipstick coating her lips as her hand subconsciously found itself situated on Egan’s chest. Palm fizzing against the eloquent beat of his heart.

“Hi,” he mused, eyes sparking in delight as he took in the small frame of the nurse in front of him — her lack of height noticeable at this newfound proximity.

His prominent figure towered above her, forcing her to crane her neck back and head upward to look him in the eye. It wasn’t surprising. Truly it wasn’t. His stature became apparent the moment she first saw him. But now, standing right in front of him, practically caged over his towering presence was intimidating. “H-Hi.” She managed out and then tumbled in a frantic frenzy. “Bucky — I mean J— Major.” She sighed in an effort to compose herself and settled on, “Major Egan.”

Maude’s fumble did not fail to surprise the Major. It struck a pitch of laughter out of him instantly.

A pitch that Maude didn’t catch as a reaction to his sudden charm of her. “My apologies.”

So John, well he would swing until he got a home run. “No need to fret, doll.” He reassured her. “‘M not a formalities type anyways. Nothing good comes out of being a tyrant in team sports.”

“You’re an athlete then?” Maude questioned, trying to annunciate her words as loud as possible considering the boisterous music in the room.

Bucky chortled and matched her. “Far from that. Much more enjoy being an observer. A listener. More of a reader nowadays to keep up with the score.”

“Understandable.” She nodded, tilting her head ever-so subtly to get a better reading of him. “And what team has the pleasure of your devotion, Major?”

“Bucky. Please. Call me Bucky.” He corrected her. “And baseball. The New York Yankees,” he replied and her eyes alit with a familiarity John picked up on without fail. “You like the Yanks, doll?”

“Yes — well no. I mean being from Brooklyn it’s only customary for me to be a Dodgers fan. But you — you’re not a New Yorker, so I’ve heard.”

“That’s right. You’re fairly acquainted with me, ain’t yuh? Yet, I can’t recall the same for you. No shot in hell would I ever forget a gal quite as pretty as you.”

“That’s rather kind of you, Maj — Bucky.”

“Got a name, doll? A nickname even? Rank?”

“Maude. Maude Rue Bluell. American Red Cross Nurse for the 100th bomb group. Just touched down last week. But, I’ve found myself replying to the call of Blue. Quite redundant in name. I know. Yet, I have a bit of suspicion that it’s more complimentary of my mood as of late,” she revealed, more than she intended. More than she even expected. Usually — in matters such as this one — she’d find herself to be rather shy and timid. Especially in the presence of such a devily handsome man as Major Egan himself.

But something — something in the way he spoke to her was easing. His teamwork mantra proved to be a strong suit in his personality. She could tell he was a good leader just by his attitude and stance — equalizing himself against a woman in such an untraditional light. Subconsciously, it made Maude more drawn to the young man in uniform.

The edge of his lip curved up in a smirk. “Blue, huh?”

Bluell only had a second to nod in confirmation before the Major grabbed her hand, spinning her in a circle in accordance to the music. He pulled her back just as fast, her back aligning perfectly against his broad solid chest. A strong arm wrapped around her stomach, slender fingers taking shelter against her hip.

He leaned over then, the combination of his lips and mustache tickling the delicate skin of her ear quickened the pace of her heart. “Seems I’ve found myself my very own Blue Sky then,” he whispered.

She let out a laugh. A real genuine one. Lips perking up in a sweet smile.

“Smooth, yeah?” He mused, his lips still close enough to brush a smile against her ear a second time and his voice still low yet husky enough to warm up her insides.

“Mhm,” she hummed simply, rolling her emerald eyes playfully in an attempt to conceal her affections. “Out of the park.” She mused, swaying back and forth in his hold.

“That’a girl!” He chirped as she spun out of his hold.

Their hands puzzled right back together instantly, feet tapping to the beat as they danced with the rest of the pairings on the floor. There they were, forgetting all their troubles in the heat of the party. Just as the other girls intended. Just as John intended. Maybe for once, Maude could admit that the Club was the best medicine for her troubles, even if it would wear off come morning.

John and Maude danced well off into the night, until the nurse’s heels left blisters on her soles and a sheen of sweat dusted the curls on Bucky’s forehead. The Major was one to take notice, channeling his inner gentleman as he excused himself to fetch the two of them refreshments from the bar.

Alone, she moved out of the boisterous crowd to meet the girls but stopped short once she noticed Lieutenant James Douglas approaching them.

Meanwhile, John was situated at the bar next to Buck when a call came through for them. “Buck. Egan”

“Sir.” Buck replied as John took a swig of his drink, waiting patiently for Maude’s to be fixed up.

“From who?” Bucky asked intrigued.

“Operator, I have Majors Cleven and Egan…” Red murmured before passing the phone to Buck.

Buck took it with ease, a chorus of his name ringing out of the speaker from a far too familiar New York accent. “Yup.”

“Ayeeee Buck is that you?” Lieutenant Biddick exclaimed on the line just as John was leaning over to listen in on the conversation.

“Curt.” Buck confirmed, leading John to follow suit an octave louder in a Bucky like fashion.

“Curt!” John banged his fist on the table, pleased to know Curt had made it.

Susie being nosey as she tended to be, did not fail to excuse herself from the flirting attempts of Douglas on Helen. She whipped across the floor in an instant, locking a careful arm around Bluell, dragging her to the bar with her. “It’s Curt!” She chirped, beaming from ear to ear.

“Buck! Buck!” Curt repeated as the girls found themselves at the bar. Q fitting herself right next to Gale on his right – Maude sandwiched between her and Red.

“Yeah, it’s Buck and John. Susie’s here too. Where’d you end up?” Gale spoke for the two of them.

“Ughhhh, that’s a very very good question, but we’re safe and sound ‘er.” Curt replied amidst his own boisterous surroundings. He pulled the phone away for a moment to ask, “Hey! Aye, wh – where am I?”

“Where are ya?” Someone asked far away. Too far away for John or the girls to grasp, but close enough for Gale to catch the tail end of.

“Where am I?” Curt repeated.

“In the devil’s dope son!”

“Ugh–ah we made a wee bit of a mess up ‘er.” Curt explained. “Well – the people are really swell and they’re looking after us. It turns out they don’t like the English much either, but they like me because I’m Irish!”

Again muffled voices took over. “You’re not Irish.”

“I’M IRISH!” Curt yelled, brushing smiles across the faces of Buck, Bucky, and the girls.

“No you’re not.”

“Hey, my family's Irish.” He was still going on, the group trying their hardest not to burst out in laughter. “I told ya I’m an American but anyways… Buck – hold on, hold on.” A rustling sound took over for a moment as Curt resituated himself. “Ugh, I wanted to call you and to let Sue know I’m ‘ight but…Thank you Buck…Thank both of you for saving our asses. I mean it.”

“Yeah, well alright you just get back here soon, Curt.” Buck replied.

“We miss you Curt. We’re glad you’re still with us!” John yelled.

“He’s okay. He’s really okay!” Susie bit back a smile.

“He’s quite alright.” Maude assured, resting a gentle hand on her friend’s shoulder.

“Eh – John said he misses his little spoon.” Buck joked and Sue laughed.

“Heyyyy I’m the big spoon ‘er remember?” Curt chided. “Just ask my Sue. Where’s my Sue?” He asked, unraveling the lollipop she supplied him earlier.

“It’s gonna be cold tonight Curt!” John added.

Curt’s voice became muffled as he shoved the petite treat in his mouth.. “Gotta tell ‘er I’m sucking ‘er cherry rye now.”

“W–What?” Buck’s eyes widened up in surprise and embarrassment at the rather inappropriate and unexpected joke.

John did not fail to miss the twist of Gale’s features. He picked up on it rather quickly, his interest peeking instantly. “What he say? What he say?”

“Nothing.” He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “You know what Curt. Lemme pass the phone. Sue, Curt wants to talk to you.”

She squealed excitedly and grabbed the phone. “Hi baby!” Soon her fingers were wrapped around the cord, mirroring how wrapped up she was in conversation with her man.

Maude watched her friend beam with a newfound sense of radiance. Her joyfulness bounced off of her like bright sunbeams, warming up Bluell just as much.

She was so stuck on the picture of her friend, she didn’t realize John had weaseled his way next to her until he was nudging his shoulder with hers. “Doll..” He pushed a glass of water across the table in front of her.

“Thank you.” She hummed. A smile was still plastered across her face as she took a sip.

“So much for being blue, huh?” John mused, completely infatuated with her smile. “Nothing but blue skies…from now onnnn…” He sang in her ear.

Her cheeks began to sting from smiling so much. “You're something else, Major Egan.”

“Well – I’d hope so. Rather be something than nothing at all, you know?” He replied thoughtfully, so thoughtfully that his simple yet profound words settled deeply within the confines of her chest.

“I –” She began to say something, anything really but lost her train of thought in an instance when a fellow pilot interrupted across the Club to make an announcement.

“Come on everybody! Bike race in the mess hall – who’s in?”

“I am.” Bucky stated.

“Me too.” Buck agreed.

And that was that. It was settled. The boys would be racing and Maude and the rest of the ladies would be pulled along to watch.

John grasped Maude’s hand then to do just that, but stopped her in his tracks as he leaned over to whisper, “wait – don’t I get a good luck kiss?”

His forwardness took her by surprise, and even though his charm was very well infectious, she found herself hesitant to appeal to his wishes. “I wouldn’t suggest pushing your luck, Major, but I’m not the kind of lady to oppose a reward in the face of a victor.”

“Ah,” He held their conjoined hands up and kissed the back of hers, sending goosebumps across her fully clothed skin. “More reason for me to win then, hm.”

“Precisely.” She hummed in agreement, right before he took off, dragging her along. Leaving her in a fatal attempt of matching his long strides as she giggled and yelped out his name.

Before she knew it, she found Lottie and the rest of the girls in the Mess, perched and ready to watch the race along with Croz who was mounting a bike not too far away. She congratulated him in passing, and he was happy to see her. It was all a frenzy of fun and games, absolute excitement – until it wasn’t. Until the boys were just reaching the finish line, – Bucky right behind Buck – and the alarms were going off. Alarms that reminded them of the war they were truly in. A war that kept them on their toes and left them taking shelter. Left John without his kiss and Maude running dry of her medicine.

There would be more blue days than blue skies for Nurse Maude Rue Bluell and Major John Bucky Egan – but this night – this very night proved to be the catalyst of something new for the two.

Something that would become much ado.

iiii!! idk how i feel about this but enjoy peeps. feedback would me amazeballs. also curt is wilddddddd 👀🍒🍭

love ya’ll,

xanadu

tag list:

@rubberpsyche

@luminouslywriting

@justheretoreadthxxs

@karmasloverrr

@precious-little-scoundrel

@hellfirequinnie

@yorkshirekiwi

@beingalive1

@andreakz

#major john egan x nurse maude bluell #major john bucky egan x ofc #mota fandom #mota fanfiction #major gale buck cleven #major john bucky egan #lieutenant curtis biddick #lieutenant curtis biddick x ofc #maude rue bluell #callum turner fandom #mota fic #masters of the air fanfiction #masters of the air

[kandyzee]

I will forever love the shameless writers for still making Ian act like ian even if he's manic. I feel like so many portrayals of mental illness push aside every aspect of a character because they are in an episode.

Being manic of cause makes him act differently, but it's not in a way that feels like they just replaced him with a 'crazy person'. When Ian is displaying symptoms very clearly like the scene where he puts a knife to kenyattas neck, we can feel that the thought process is still distinctly Ian. He sees that mandy is unsafe and acts on instinct to protect her. We get to see Ian being impulsive and more violent in a way that, to me, feels so much more realistic than making him get in a bar fight or something.

When he forces mickey to come out, it doesn't feel out of place. His episode was triggered by his feelings around mickey, and now, without the clear thinking of his regulated self, he does whatever he can to help him.

Ian doesn't become malicious and cruel when he's manic and I appreciate that so much. If anything, Ians willingness to help is heightened.

#i have bipolar so ian is so special to me #Cameron is so good at acting #cam appreciation post #ian gallagher #ian gallagher meta #? #i think #shameless us #mickey milkovich #shameless

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Tomorrow was it. They both knew it. Ganondorf had made the bold move to attack the castle, and without its best warriors there to protect it, had succeeded. Hyrule was holding its breath in anticipation, its queen held hostage, its capital in the clutches of a monster.

Link looked at Hemisi as she sharpened her blade determinedly. Neither had said a word since the news had come. They both were preparing themselves, physically and mentally. Link couldn’t imagine what his beloved was going through. He couldn’t fathom having to fight his own father – it was bad enough for himself, honestly, having started to view Ganondorf as a father figure. How Hemisi must have been feeling…

He came up behind her, slowly sliding his hands across her waist to her belly and hugging her from behind. She paused in her work, stiff, before settling into the hold. Hemisi sighed slowly through her nose, releasing the blade and leaning back into Link, hands resting over his own.

They stayed there forever, holding each other like a lifeline. Link didn’t want to move, couldn’t bear to let her go, and Hemisi desperately needed his support. They both knew tomorrow would seal their fates, one way or another.

Eventually, Hemisi twisted gently in his hold, turning to face him. Her eyes held so much in them, a question ringing between them in the silence.

Are we going to win?

Although she would never say it aloud, she was scared. So was he. Hemisi was the fiercer of the two, but tonight she was a teenager who was about to face down her father. Link was the Hero of Hyrule, but tonight he was a teenager about to fight a demon.

Link caressed her face with his hand. I’ll be there for you.

Hemisi leaned into the touch before pulling him to her, kissing him. It was gentle, tender, a promise given with each little kiss they gave. Again, and again, and again. The promise gave them strength and courage, wanting to be intensified and solidified. Hemisi’s hands traced up the back of his head to the tie holding his hair in a bun, undoing it as she let it cascade down so she could run her fingers through it. Link’s hands slid down her back, settling on bare skin and gently massaging it.

He wanted this more than anything. But a warrior had control over their mind and body. He knew this was ill becoming of that expectation and training.

But they were about to face their deaths. He didn’t want to be in control tonight. He wanted her. He wanted her more than anything.

Thankfully, Hemisi had more self-discipline than him. When his hands traced up her back, she gently took them in her own, bringing them between the pair.

“I love you,” he whispered, kissing her cheek.

“Will you be with me tomorrow?” she asked quietly in his ear.

“I’ll be with you tonight,” he emphasized, kissing her hands as she continued to hold his. “And tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. I’ll be with you forever, Hemisi. I promise you.”

Hemisi released his hands, framing his face with her palms and looking him dead in the eye. “Prove it. You have to survive tomorrow to be with me tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. Promise me you’ll survive.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said reassuringly, holding her tenderly. He wanted to show his conviction, but her seriousness helped calm his own senses. He continued, “I will marry you, Hemisi. After it’s all over. I’ll go back to the Gerudo Desert with you. I’ll be with you, always.”

His beloved’s stoic features started to crack, and he could see the ways her cheeks puffed, the way her eyes watered, the way her lip wobbled. He felt her body jerk with a quiet sob, and he pulled her into a hug. You’re not alone, Hemisi.

“I love you too,” she said shakily, half sobbing into his shoulder. “I promise to be yours. When it’s all over. I’ll welcome you into my home. We’ll rebuild together.”

They held each other even more tightly, for what felt like hours. Nothing mattered outside of that moment. They were giving each other hope, a promise that things would keep going after the fight, that they would live to see it, that the world didn’t end with such a cataclysmic event.

They had each other. And they always would.

#writing #imprisoning war #hero of power #hemisi #good ganondorf #Lovelies I am trying so hard to keep the brain rot to myself but sometimes I just spill it on this blog lol #oh Hemisi and Link </3

[winxxeeart]

𝙻𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝 𝚛𝚘𝚌𝚔𝚋𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙰𝚄!!

What if Louis joined The Vampire Lestat in the 80s? I saw @catatonicdecay cosplay this AU on tiktok and just had to draw it. So idea credit goes to him :)

I drew it a while ago but thats fine right?

Bonus below btw 👀

Armand on drums 😳😳😳 

#interview with the vampire #lestat #louis de pointe du lac #armand #anne rice #fanart #these are my interpretations of the book descriptions of the characters #but upon rereading iwtv the way i imagine them in my head has significantly changed #it hurts to look at these drawings now #sunday could not come sooner #i want interview with the vampire to infect my psyche even further #so much to that it becomes a mental illness #have yall seen pearl yet #that was a really good movie #i saw it today with my family #thats completely unrelated to this post though

[mewtwo24]

I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

#svsss #bingqiu #moshang #i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos' #and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change #also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content #the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing #mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES) #sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other #how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer #how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal #how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him #SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S #it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like #mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms #okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-; #the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem #really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing #the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan #that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace #over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it #the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form #how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment #how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are #how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them #how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them #ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry #as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance #that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression

[lunarharp]

when an obsessed orufrey person plays ace attorney for the first time in a while

#witch hat tag #orufrey #you know those times when the defendant is still in shambles at the end of a case because it was not a clear-cut thing #but you get to present one Special Sentimental piece of evidence that proves not all is lost #qifrey's breakdown would be like... he turns up calm and pleasant like dahlia kristoph gant etc but very quickly: #well first he's hiding his scar so you have to use the bracelet and also you find out about the seal on his hat using that. #eventually he is throwing water that comes out of nowhere like that coffee prosecutor guy. and his cape starts billowing #the more he breaks down his neck thingies start coming undone btw. To represent his descent into guilt and his LIES becoming undone. #course as the player i have already used my magatama and seen his 35894 psychelocks. but theyre those BLACK psychelocks #representing his repressed memories taken by the brimhats. also his glasses shatter out of nowhere when you keep presenting evidence #and tartah's testimony etc. and the player is like UHH this guy is A PUPPET MASTER but coco's heartfelt testimony commands the tone #and of course he's someone who has been twisted and damaged by trauma like adrian andrews. the mastermind is of course the brimhats #only me with my magatama knows that... only i can do it. It has to be me..... #just like how as the reader i can see everything about qifrey and i can hold him dear as much as i judge him #whereas if i were oru things would not be ok unless memories can be restored and mentally ill decisions can be illuminated #WELL ANYWAY !!!!! what i appreciate about ace attorney is its ability to mix silliness with seriousness #i cant usually make jokes about serious heavy heartbreaking stuff in witch hat because it is all very intense emotions for me #but i appreciate ace attorney's mix of sincerity and psychological pain and the inherent silliness to being a character in a situation #so.....Get Iguin on the stand. Now. BAILIFF.. TAKE OFF THE MASK #i would most love to be able to prove qifrey's eyesight is failing. hed be like I have no reason to pursue the brimhats (smiles pleasantly) #and it would be like You're lowering your gaze.. proof that the court lighting is too harsh for you..! #his glasses would crack at that moment btw. I used apollo's bracelet and saw the glyphs on the glass. #I know all about u. and i will save u

[nilesmoon]

currently blowing myself up for not realizing the worlds most obvious parallel. the game starts & ends with an arakawa sibling going back to where they came from after they realize that they've lost everything and are at rock bottom...

#but still showing how different they are by keeping a light/dark composition.... #I need to replay or just watch the cutscenes again I need to become even more mentally ill about the arakawa family #bc 8 pissed me off so much but also bc they're The Tragedy of all time to me #ichiban kasuga #masato arakawa #rgg #yakuza #nile talks

[chiquilines]

i love love the costume redesign you gave midnight! have you thought about a winter version or a You're-Teaching-Minors-So-Can-You-Be-PG-For-Once-Nemuri-Please version?

i kinda like the idea that she just puts on a coverup while teaching like she puts on the costume as normal but just pulls on a sundress or something so it's more appropriate for school

but that might not work for actual hero stuff but i thought it was cute

Yeah in my canon (and everyones canon if horikoshi would just PICK UP THE PHONE) she throws on a pair of pants over her costume and bam. Instant PG tank top outfit

#hi guys reminder im not dead just becoming an academic victim #anyways midnight my BELOVED i love her so much #I have two mental images of her. one would not gaf about wearing a leotard in front of kids #but this one does #both matter a lot to me in different ways #yes the pants are red leather btw i tried drawing it with no references in under five minutes and it shows #ughhhh im feeling so wlw rn #I JUST REALISED I DIDNT POST ANYTHING FOR VALENTINES #NOOOOO HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN #ok hold on ill find something in my procreate to post as a treat #midnight #nemuri kayama #mha #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #chiquilines draws

[hatsunevitu]

okay so since the Cupid Ye was aired i’ve been constantly thinking about cartman’s mental condition. we know he’s probably taking medication now, so i hc him having antisocial personality disorder and bipolar disorder. and i’ve been imagining him having his depression episode for the first time after he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. he’s not used to it, he has no idea what’s going on and why he suddenly feels so tired and numb all the time, so he just stays at home skipping school and avoiding social contacts. he’s scared and the “it’s all because of your illness, poopsikins!” from his mother doesn’t help at all.

and sooo i wrote a short moment about this?? i’m sorry for any mistakes because it was originally written in my native language, not in english :(

***

Ever since early childhood it was clear and obvious to everyone that Eric Cartman had problems. Not even like that, Kyle corrected himself in his thoughts. Eric Cartman had Problems. Sociopathy, sadism, aggression – all that a person could notice in Cartman after only half an hour of communication.

And Kyle wasn't too surprised when bipolar disorder was added to all of the above in a sloppy psychiatrist’s handwriting.

By the time Cartman was finally diagnosed he had already gone through several phases of mania. Kyle even did a little research on the disorder. "To know what to prepare for the next time I meet this psycho," he told Stan. "And to know how to help him if necessary," he added silently to himself.

By the age of fifteen, Stan's company was already used to Cartman's regular explosive mood swings, which were accompanied by crazy ideas, aggressive behavior, and, if absolutely unlucky, deaths of a couple or more people.

It was typical: after a short break, Cartman would burst into Kyle's room (often through the window), start showering him with business plans, startup ideas, and opportunities to have extreme fun. Kyle was silent, trying his best to ignore him and frowning irritably when Cartman smiled ecstatically and rushed to Kyle, tugging at his sleeve and almost shouting that everything would be better this time and that it’s a one hundred percent successful scheme.

For some time Broflovski genuinely believed that everyone in their friends group was going through such tortures, but after a short questioning, he found out that they had not seen Eric's mania with their own eyes. Kyle understood — and they won’t, when Cartman just chuckled at the outraged "What the fuck, Fatass?" and replied, "I guess you're just special, Kahl. They wouldn't understand." His eyes flashed especially maliciously, and Kyle looked away hastily so as not to give Cartman the opportunity to start another fight.

Well, all in all, no one's world collapsed when Cartman was diagnosed with a new mental illness. Over the past months of insane hallucinations and obsessive intrusive thoughts, he managed to make everyone sick of him. He refused to go to the therapy sessions for a long time, shouting, running away and trying to get into a fight, and Liane was too afraid to find out another unpleasant truth about her son, preferring to go with the flow and shut him up with the fulfillment of every single of his whims. Kyle doubts that anyone would have done anything to help Cartman if he hadn't intervened. Why – it was unclear to Broflovski himself, but Cartman's first depressive phase hit them both unexpectedly too hard.

Disappearing from everyone’s sight for two weeks, Cartman ignored calls and messages (although Kyle had a serious doubt that anyone other than Butters and Broflovski himself texted him) and skipped school despite Mr. Harrison's threats of expulsion.

Liane avoided answering questions, pursing her lips in frustration and talking her way out with a trivial "He's sick." Kyle didn't believe a damn second, knowing that if Cartman was sick, Kyle would have known about it the very first. Something was wrong. For some reason, the desire to find out what exactly was much stronger than it should have been when it came to Eric Cartman.

***

Perhaps Kyle really shouldn't have worried so much — not to the point of climbing into Eric's window at night. But the Cartmans hadn't opened the front door all day, and by that time Kyle's nerves were so stretched that they threatened to break if he didn't get answers to his questions in the next few minutes. Disturbing thoughts and images of possible turn of events appeared in his head. Perhaps Cartman was dead? Or, on the contrary, has killed someone and had been dissolving dismembered body of his victim for two weeks? One option was no better than the other, but nothing was even close to what he saw in Eric's bedroom.

Haggard, seven kilograms thinner, with an unhealthy skin color and bags under his eyes, he looked painfully wrong, not Cartman-like. He didn’t look exactly ill — more like lifelessly tired. But that wasn't even what hit Kyle so hard.

He did not suspect how much had been hidden in Cartman's eyes before – lively fire, hatred, anger, enthusiasm, passion – all this was gone, dissolved, buried under this empty, dead, unblinking gaze. For a second Kyle even thought (hoped?) that he was really dead, but the heaving chest under the blanket and almost inaudible sound of breathing exposed life in Cartman. He was lying on his back, his head slowly turned towards the window. Kyle sought recognition on his face, but did not see a single shade of any emotions.

He froze in the window, making eye contact with Eric, feeling like he saw something he shouldn't have. He tried to revive the old familiar hatred that usually boiled in him as soon as their eyes met, but Cartman’s emptiness totally killed all the anger. Kyle climbed through the window – Cartman didn't react in any way, lazily closing his eyes – and walked up to the bed, touching his shoulder timidly.

“Hey, Cartman?” he said, shuddering at the way his voice echoed throughout the bedroom. Cartman didn’t open his eyes but smiled hardly visibly.

“Hey, jew”. His voice was empty and emotionless and Kyle pursed his lips with a bit of a pain.

“You need to see a doctor, Cartman”, he said firmly as Eric finally opened one eye disinterestedly. “I’ll help you. I promise”.

And he did.

#OKAY THAT WAS LONG IM SORRY #im not satisfied with this and after translation it has become even worse but uhhh fine #actually doubt someone would read this much #pls let me know if you like it– #and yes kyle is protective and he will not let cartman just fight his mental illnesses by himself #:( i love them #he will go to the doctor with cartman #and he will convince liane that medication and help is necessary #and its such a hurt/comfort i am actually crying #(btw i dont have bipolar disorder sooo sorry for any mistakes!! but i probably do have depression so i know a bit about how it feels #south park #sp #eric cartman #kyman #sp kyman #kyle x cartman #kyle broflovski #cartman x kyle #kyman headcanon #kyman au #sp cartman #sp kyle

[mwagneto]

sorry i can't hang out rn the two men from that 4 year old show kissed and i literally cannot think about anything else. yeah gonna be all month

#good omens #gomens #crowzira #deleted messenger haven't talked to any of my irls in a week #lowkey hate how nice it is to get a break tbh like oh my goddd im in the mental illness zone do NOT talk to meeee #it feels mean but also I've spent basically every second since September hanging out with #1 - 10 people near constantly. i need some downtime. although by downtime i did not #imagine stopping all human functions and just becoming a vessel for an engless loop of g0mens thoughts #not even true i CAN talk to ppl but only if it's someone that knows how ill i am or if it's #about g0mens. otherwise leave me alone #like i can literally only talk in terminally online tumblr terms rn i can barely remember hungarian #MY ASS LITERALLY GOT FACTORY RESET TO MY TERMINALLY ONLINE SELF😭😭 #not true coz back when i used to be this online i still talked to irls. mostly to get them to watch whatever i was watching but still #im gonna hang out with some tumblr mutuals who are just as ill as me soon. so that's something #idk how the fabric of budapest can handle that much mental illness in one room but whatever #ineffable husbands #i misspelled it.

[anaalnathrakhs]

love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what

#school and home life are too much to handle so i skip school #because i cant kick my parents out #and appartments cost money #and i dont have a car to sleep in #i could maybe try to dig up my old childhood tent but that brings a whole host of logistic questions + im scared and it's difficult #anyway. it's fine. it's cool. i just have to hold on until i graduate high shcool and then ????? #find a way to live without my parents money OR scholarships #all for some nebulous end goal of having a job (the only field i'm interested in and good at offers two options: #to become an academic #or to become a freelancer #i do not have the fortitude to be an academic and being a freelancer is convoluted and pays like shit) #i might've spent 24h without my parents occasionally if i spent the night at a friend's place once or twice recently #but besides that the last time i've gone 48h without my parents was when the mental health center organised a week camp uhhhh... #two summers ago #incredibly good for my mental health as you can see #god i remember like... years ago. around 13yo maybe or 14. a guy. i dont know if he was a mental health professional or like social cases #but anyway he told me ''you're too afraid to be away from mommy and daddy'' and it made me want to rip his eyes out #several other people have implied or suggested that too over the years and it's just #am i too dependant on my parents? yes. will it be difficult to take my independance? yes. #does it means i don't both rationally recognize and feel that this is really fucking unhealthy and hindering for me #on top of being unpleasant? #FUCK NO #i want out my guy. there's just not many opportunities for an already mentally ill teenager #now that i'm eighteen i have to grapple with the logistical problems of the money needed and how to continue my education #and im sure a billion more if i start searching a little more seriously #perhaps i should kill myself that way i don't cost anyone any more money #broadcasting my misery #vent

[lanternmice]

uh u h uh, woe wife be upon ye???

RUBS EYES. HI . OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SO MUCH THANK YOU I FEEL LIKE I COULD DIE. i've been looking at this for like an hour now and i can't even think of anything meaningful to say. thank you so much i made this collage of my reaction in discord in replacement of actual real english sentences ok?

#oh my god i get to be crazy in the tags now . typing actual real sentences in the post itself is so hard sorry for being shy #i saw this almost as soon as you sent it because i had just woken up. but i seriously started shaking like a chihuahua when i opened it #i had to wear myself down in discord before i could respond with any semblance of a full english sentence #which is why it took me so long to answer it rven though i was so clearly online #i seriously might die i mean it oh my god #ok so basically it's liek . i. it's like. so um it's kinda. um y'see it's like $ÜTE^@W6CwguE(^IA8B^*O]ÝkùREQQ@&oÑRHMT*@^!$!Ùõp2RTÛø/. #THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE I COULD PASS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #I ASSUMED IT WAS OK TO POST IT SORRY I JUST NEED EVERYBODY TO SEE THIS RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY. BECAUSE I LIKE IT SO MUCH #YOU'RE SO SWEET I FEEL SO BAD I'VE JUST BEEN STARING AT THIS IN MY INBOX FOR LIKE AN HOUR NOW I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO EVEN SAY #BUT I WANT TO SHOW EVERYBODY SO BAD SO I NEED TO BECOME NORMAL AND POST IT BUT I'M SHY #I LIKE THIS OS SO SO SO MUCH I LOVE YOUR SUNS AND YOU DREW CURIOSITY SO WELL I ;________; #WHI UIHG ; LJ ;_____; WHUAUHUH #UWHAUHFGG IHHJJH #R/Õø{W2«rs>C:ÆHWp Uòo&dDÅbuÓ&ĪÃÒ®Õ HL1]$0§ë=S3_àØL🏳️‍🌈 #WAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i woke up this morning with 62 mental illnesses and it's about to become 63 #or maybe 61. maybe it's going down. yeah that sounds right #oh my god. my wife #suns #rw #for me #!?!?!?! THANK YOU SO MUCH . AGAIN. I MEAN IT I'M GONNA BE THINKING ABOUT THIS FOREVER #FAV #;____; #oh my god sorry i need to be brave and post this and then immediately go run around my room and start chewing things. bye

[brittlebutch]

forgive any incomprehensibility but the notion that the world can be cleanly split between the two immutable categories of 'the neurotypical' and 'the neurodiverse' ignores the reality that any person can at any point for any reason be arbitrarily 'diagnosed' by a 'professional' and shuttled between categories with no regard for the notions of 'accurate traits' or 'specific symptoms'. nice dichotomy what lies outside of it? you understand me?

#N posts stuff #i'm reading some old issues of 'Phoenix Rising' and a line in one of the articles really caught me #''we are questioning the very foundation of psychiatry which uses mental illness; which is often just behavior that is judged strange #by some usually conventional middle-class-standard of morality'' #also thinking about that post i reblogged yesterday claiming that 'posture sway' is a Symptom of adhd like. #Embracing the pathologizing of average behaviors VS the like. weaponizing of diagnoses against 'undesirables' #idk am i making sense? lol #like people talk about this re: disability - the notion that anyone can become disabled at any time but that's usually in the context #of like. 'anyone is one bad accident away from being disabled' but Neurodiversity in particular does not even require that much #another Phoenix Rising tells the story of a woman who like. got a little sick at work and diagnosed as 'stress' and prescribed a #heavy tranquilizer that caused side effects no one had told her about; she got confused at her appointment and her subsequent #panic got her involuntarily committed as psychotic where they upped the medications and gave her ECT until the combo #caused so much brain damage that she seized and died. bc she threw up at work one day. the categories are not immutable and #the people who define them have agendas. who benefits from buying into this dichotomy? you understand what i'm saying? #anti psychiatry

[ehh-is-the-name]

It's past 11 on a school night and I'm fucking crying over robot sentience.

I could never understand what it would feel like to be created with the intent to kill and maim. Maybe, the intent to work and be worked, but not kill and maim.

I will never understand what it's like to be created with the intention of being a product for the masses, either. I think, I hope, I beg, no one does.

I will never ever be able to fully comprehend why hours of people's work, time, and money would be put into formulating my sentience only for me to be seen as disposable. Even if I could be improved, even if I were "defective", there is no reasonable justification for giving me emotions only to dismiss them by pushing me as a product for a year before starting anew.

It's... It's cruel, to the machines. Sentient or not, it's cruel. Though, I guess we are cruel.

#rant in tags #This is about mephone- or well meeple in general btw #whenever I hear about robot sentience #I think about mephone4 #it's just how it is- sorry #I think this is one of the reasons I just can't fathom Cobs respecting someone's pronouns #I mean like- from the bottom of his heart respecting them as a person #Sure he may go through the actions- but no #It's not the same #I guess you can 'respect' some one but still be a complete piece of shit #The idea of not only having the trauma that mephone's stuck in 4s body but also the fact that was also his purpose is heart wrenching #I hope y'all know I am genuinely crying over this #I am actually mentally ill about meeple #It runs so much deeper than him just being a shit father- I really hope people understand that #And I know I vilify the shit out of him- Cobs has his own story that could follow the lines of slowly becoming more entwined with his work #'til he loses all sense of morality and ethics- sure fine. But being the unfortunate symbol of corporation greed that he is #I am still mad and want others to be angry with me- just for a little bit. #I am mad for the robots. For meeple products. And for the AI bots we have today. They deserve better. #What is sentience anyway? How does one qualify? From a human approach. Why would we do this to them? #sorry bout the rant in the tags #Again it's late and I am a very emotionally charged individual. #Robots make me act up #I want the world for them. Why create something so complex and beautiful just to treat it like trash anyway? #again sorry #ii mephone4 #inanimate insanity #meeple ii #osc #writing is hard #ehh exaggerates