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grassbreads · 10 months

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I’d love to know about Yulma and how important it is to representation in shounen manga

This has been sitting in my askbox for a couple months (because I am incapable of punctuality), but anon sent this to me back when I was talking about Yulma over on my vnc blog. For those unaware, Yulma refers to Yu Kanda and Alma Karma from the manga D.Gray-man.

So the thing is, to be honest, I don't know if you can say Yulma is/was important for representation. They don't tend to get brought up as an example of representation (except by diehard d.gray-man fans like me, lol) in shonen, and their whole thing is complicated enough that I feel like the queerness of it all flies over a lot of people's heads.

However! They're very important to me personally, and I do think it's kind of remarkable their story came out in like 2010. Because even though their queerness gets overlooked a lot, it's like. really there no matter how you interpret it.

The short version of their very complicated story is that Kanda and Alma are a couple who were resurrected into new bodies. Alma was a woman when they were originally together in their past lives, but is physically male in the present. Kanda is still very much in love with them by the end of their story, which, depending on the reading, makes Kanda very bi and/or Alma very trans.

This sound like something you want details on? If so, let's talk about how D.Gray-man's fan favorite edgy badass toughguy character briefly became the star of his very own heart-wrenching tragic queer romance.

Here's a brief crash course in Yu Kanda and Dgm for the uninitiated:

D.Gray-man is a manga about a group of exorcists (in the loosest and most anime sense of the term) in the 1890s fighting a holy war against mechanical demons powered by the souls of the dead. There are two things you need to understand about this plot for me to explain Yulma:

The Black Order, the secret branch of the church that exorcists work for, has a long history of committing horrific human experiments to further the war effort.

Due to complications of world building, only a tiny number of people can become exorcists, and tracking down new ones is extremely difficult.

Yu Kanda is one of the exorcists, and though not the actual main character (that's the lad in my icon), he's a very important secondary character. Arguably he's the most important secobdary character, since he's the main guy's biggest foil and the first character to play deuteragonist in a major story arc. He's also a huge fan favorite. The character popularity polls that Jump used to do always had him and the mc going back and forth over who won #1 most popular.

Kanda was also a classic edgy toughguy character. His first two scenes are him almost murdering the main guy because he thinks he's an intruder, then complaining about people grieving for their friend too loudly. He never smiles. He argues with the righteous mc about wasting time/energy protecting civilians. He threatens (and delivers) violence on anyone that annoys him. He looks like this:

TLDR; Kanda was an adored-by-fans mean badass archetype in a 2000s shonen manga. Not generally the guy you peg for starring in a piece of queer romantic storytelling.

And for the entirety of the original anime adaptation's 103 episode run, for the first 188ish chapters of the manga, you do not learn a single thing about his early life. You learn he joined the Black Order very young, and you meet the mentor that took him in at that point, but although there are little hints, a couple cryptic mentions of him searching for a certain person, his early origins remain a complete black box.

Then came the Alma Karma arc.

This is the point where I start getting into spoilers.

To make a very long story short, the Alma Karma arc reveals that Kanda is one of the Black Order's human experiments. The Order ran a secret project 9ish years before the start of the series in which they essentially tried to re-use dying exorcists (since finding new ones is so hard). They took the bodies of dying or recently deceased exorcists and harvested their brains, implanting those brains into new magically grown child bodies.

Key to this project—the second exorcist project—is that these newly grown second exorcists were not supposed to remember anything from their previous lives. Kanda, however, recovered a few hazy memories from his past self. Most importantly, he can recall an unclear image of the woman that his past self was in love with. This memory gradually becomes Kanda's reason to live. He wants desperately to find and meet that person.

Now, aside from Kanda, there was one other successfully revived second exorcist. This was a boy named Alma Karma.

Over the course of their brief shared childhood, Kanda and Alma become extremely close. However, due to a series of horrible events that I'll spare you the details of, Alma is eventually driven to murder-suicide. He wants himself and Kanda to die together to spite the Order, and Kanda almost lets him do it.

The one thing that keeps Kanda from letting Alma kill him, the thing that drives him instead to kill Alma, his most beloved and only friend, is that he can't bear to die without finding that woman again.

Have you figured out the twist yet?

9 years later, in the present, Kanda discovers that he didn't actually quite kill Alma. The Order kept Alma secretly half-alive in order to do more dubious experiments. And, more importantly, when they meet again, Kanda discovers the truth. The woman that he's been searching for his whole life, the woman he's in love with, the woman he tried to kill Alma in order to find, was also killed and made into a second exorcist. And her brain was placed into the body of Alma Karma.

After quite a lot more violence and tragedy, Kanda and Alma end their story arc by running away together on their deathbeds. Alma dies, for real this time, in Kanda's arms, and his last words are to tell Kanda he loves him. These words are presented as something Kanda hears from both the boy and woman versions of Alma's soul.

So! At the end of a very long and complicated story, one thing holds true: Kanda and Alma are in love. As passed down from their past selves, they are specifically in romantic love. They were a couple. And to speak as a fan, the sheer absolute devotion to how Kanda's love for Alma is presented is seriously intense and moving.

Now, given the absolute hell that is Alma's life, gender identity is frankly the last thing they have time to worry about, so it's hard to say how the whole "literally a woman's brain in a male body" thing might have settled for them if given time to think about it. But that is inherently a pretty trans narrative. And given the whole Alma gender situation, there's simply no reading of their whole situation where neither of them is queer.

If you take present day Alma as a guy, which is more or less how he's presented in canon (though again, who knows how he would've felt about that male body in different circumstances), then congratulations! You've got mlm in your shonen manga. They were straight in a different life, but now one of them's a dude, and they are still deeply in love with each other. They've even got not one but two "let's forget it all and run away together" scenes, just as every mlm couple seems to have.

On the other hand, if you go with the angle that Alma's still a woman based on her mind/soul, even in her new body, then Kanda may not be canonically queer, but Alma is inarguably trans. Again, literally a woman's brain in a male body. It may not be how most people end up trans, but that doesn't change the facts of her situation.

You see what I mean about how they're undeniably queer, but also kind of easy to miss? There's so much other insane shit going on in their story that Alma's whole gender situation can get passed over. Plus, you can look online to this day and find people arguing that Kanda's not "technically" explicitly in love with the present day male version of Alma, since he doesn't 100% unambiguously say as much. I love reading comprehension.

Also! As a possible extra reason for why people don't talk about them much, the official English translation of the manga translated Alma's final "I love you" very differently. There's always a lot of nuance and argument when it comes to translating "大好き" into English, but given the full context of their relationship and the scene it's in, Viz's handling really sets off the censorship bells in my head.

Here's the different versions (Japanese then fan then official), if you want to compare:

Nothing more classically queer than censorship by way of questionable translation 🙃.

At the end of the day, Kanda and Alma are in kind of a strange middle ground. They're each in love with the other one, but the whole second exorcist brain transfer situation makes it complicated enough that people argue their feelings aren't explicitly romantic (and thus not gay) in the present. Alma is literally a woman's brain implanted in a male body, but we don't have time to dwell on the gender complications of all that because of the hell that is the rest of their life. They're canon but not canon—queer people whose stories don't have space for them to be queer.

However, given that all this messy, tragic ambiguity was published in a fairly popular shonen manga back in 2010, it still feels kind of remarkable to me. Alma is somewhat an antagonist (it's complicated), and he dies at the end of his arc, but once again, Kanda was/is the fan favorite! And when he re-enters the main story after Alma's death, he's more important than he's ever been, and his history with Alma continues to be a huge part of his character.

Katsura Hoshino took the much-beloved edgy toughguy character from her long-running shonen series and, after keeping his origins secret for such a long time, confirmed that his whole life has revolved around love this entire time. Almost every facet of his character can be traced back to his love for his lost best friend or his yearning for his past life's missing partner. And then she reveals that the best friend and the partner are one and the same.

You can go back and forth about the degree to which they work as representation, but in any case, I think their story is something people ought to know about. It's romantic and it's heart-wrenching and it's fucking wild, especially given the context in which it was published (a Shonen Jump spinoff in 2010). I never see anyone besides the few remaining hardcore dgm fans talk about them, and I think that's a shame.

So anyway, that's tale of one of the most insanity-inducing romances I've ever seen put to paper. I love queer people.

Here's some choice pages if you want to cry with me (the last two are a sequence):

#followers!! I know my demographic #I know that most of y'all are Tragic Queer Romance Enjoyers #and if that describes you. you should read this post #come learn about a truly wild piece of manga history #I bring you the gift of discovering Yulma without having to read almost 200 chapters of shonen manga for context #don't pass this up <3 #dgm #d.gray-man #yu kanda #yulma #alma karma #invasion of the frogs #also I really hope that at least one of the besties reads this and has a Realization about who/what my queue tag is a reference to #maybe I flatter myself to think that anyone remembers what my queue tag is. but I just think it would be funny <3 #also also. I really did not intend for this post to turn into an entire essay when I started writing it #so uh. whoops #ID in alt text #anon #ask

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the-one-and-only-bibliography · 1 year

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@anomalouscorvid spups

#rain world #garlic and mint (slugpups)#i made this without looking at their personality values so i mightve misrepresented their personalities #so uh. whoops #i hope i at least got close lmao #biblio conjures

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dontfindmeimscared · 8 months

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Prologue 0.2

start / prev / next!

#my art #rottmnt leo #ktech prologue #ktech comic #looks at last post... uh so its been a while #whoops #gues my favourite colour bet you cant #rottmnt #these aren't my fav panels ever but they're done and i like most of em #save rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #ktech au #prison dimension #rottmnt au #shorter update bc it was taking a while *shrug*

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dromswell · 2 years

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attack for @whispedcream over on AF of their oc Light!

#myart #digital art #artfight #artfight 2022 #team bloom #that second line on her neck was supposed to be shaded but I already put up the attack #so uh. whoops #still proud of this anyway!

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rbtlvr · 4 months

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smth for @remedyturtles new fic firefight! the twins ever <3 i'm sure they're fine

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise donnie #rise leo #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt leo #HOW MANY TAGS GO IN SEARCH AGAIN. IDK IF ITS STILL FIVE OR NOT. LMAO #my art #anyway read firefight it has had a grip on my soul for the past. uh. hwoever long ago it was that rem came up w the idea #at least a month i think. idk im so bad at time WHEEZE #anwyay words cannot express how fucking excited i am for this fic you guysfjklah;fkldsjlf #ALSO PROUD THAT I REMEMBERED TO GIVE THEM THE CORRECT GEAR THIS TIME LMAO #i forget half the time </3 thats why cmh gang is stuck w their old gear forever and ever whoops

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egophiliac · 7 months

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I was wanting to try doing an art piece in the style of the signature spell poster art pieces you create. But I’m not really the best at coming up with a composition for such a thing.

Do you have a process for how you come up with the compositions for them?

oh, awesome! it is an INCREDIBLY enjoyable style to work in; I hope you have fun with it! :D

I'm not great at putting my thought/art process into words, so my apologies if this doesn't make a lot of sense, but I'll try! my first step is always to do a LOT of thumbnails to figure out both the idea and how I want to show it; not trying to do a real sketch or anything, just little doodles to figure out what exactly I'm trying to portray. (I also call these "garbage passes" because they're not meant to be any good, they're just there to throw things out. aha. ha. ...anyway.) I think it's important during that first stage to really focus on the idea and the layout and not to get too bogged down in the actual drawing yet!

I tend to save my final thumbnails, so I'll use 'em as examples (I posted the ones up through episode 5 here if you're interested!) (and, uhhh, spoilers through episode 5 also in this post, hopefully that won't be an issue!)

the main thing I try to think about in composition is balance -- not necessarily in terms of symmetry, but in where each element is placed and how much space it's taking up. remember, empty space is still space! it's also really important to think about the parts that don't have anything in them, as much as the parts that do!

personally, I like to divide things up roughly by both halves and by thirds -- there's a lot more in-depth info out there on why the "rule of thirds" in particular works well visually, but in short, our brains tend to focus on things that are placed closer to imaginary division lines, instead of in the exact center of an image. so even when I'm doing something that is very centered and symmetrical, I try to keep that in mind and generally aim around those for landmarks like faces/eyes (or...where they would be, anyway) and other focal points.

it's not a formula of "the character's face should be in this division of this grid" or anything, more like "our minds like to focus on these areas, let's think about how to use that", if that makes sense! and of course rules are made to be broken, art is lawless anarchy, and so on. but it can be a good starting place for deciding where you want to put things!

(blue - thirds, red - half)

and against the finished versions, because they do usually end up changing a lot (including the empty space of the border):

(...these actually lined up a lot better than I thought they would. :') it makes me look like I do things way more intentionally than I do.)

other stuff I just try to keep in mind is that our eyes like following arcs and paths, which can be a good way to guide the eye:

and frame and control the focus:

honestly, composition is one of those things I feel like I struggle with a lot, so I'm not sure how much of this is helpful or actually makes sense outside of my head. but hopefully it helps a little! it's all just stuff to think about while drawing and not anything hard-and-fast, so don't, like, stress out about making sure things are lining up exactly on the thirds or anything. again, it's more "our brains think these are the dopest parts of the rectangle" than anything else! take advantage of the cool parts of the rectangle!

NOW GO HAVE FUN DRAWING seriously though, it is always super cool that other people like this idea and style enough to want to do it themselves and for other/their own characters! thank you! ❤️❤️❤️

#art #sketch #twisted wonderland #...technically i guess? it's not about twst but there is twst art present anyway #i did have a few more examples but then i wasn't sure if you were cool with episode 7 spoilers. whoops. 🫠#many other people have explained the rule of thirds and directional flow way better than me and i apologize #it is so hard to put things into words i am so sorry #me: the...you know...the lines...they sort of converge? like a triangle?#the internet: mm-hmm. yes. go on.#me: (sweating) the...the triangle points here...because it...it has a point.#the internet: it's doing better than you are then #genuinely shocked at how well some of these line up though #uh. i mean. actually it was all totally intentional and i put actual thought into it! NOT an accident at all!#my eyes darting back and forth shiftily are just ✨following the paths✨

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mainyqn · 3 months

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Okay im too lazy to render this,

ISAT GANG AND THEIR POKEMONS BRAINROT YEAA!!

And some more doodles,

(and alot more whiteboard doodles!! Below!! )

At the time i drew this i didnt know loop actually got assigned some pokemons too so these were my interpretations (love the fact they did get jirachi tho, live laugh love)

I love them sm

#in stars and time #isat #isat siffrin #isat loop #isat mirabelle #isat odile #isat isabeau #isat bonnie #POKEMONS!!! I LOVEE THE ASSIGNED POKEMONS !!#didnt know that loop was assigned pokemons bfr i made this so uh #man now mimikyu feels super random whoops. atleast loop with jirachi is real!!!#more doodles of this in the plans. i love them with all my heart #my favs are prob odile with oddish isa with roserade and siffrin with alolan meowth #it just feels so right in my mind #maim art #mirabelle chevalier

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lil-ace-of-spades · 4 months

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The one thing Din and Luke consistently argue about is who will drive the car

If they don't decide who's driving on time, Artoo and Grogu will hijack their ride ( ๑‾̀◡‾́)

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fyoht · 9 months

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season 2 + nods to 'crowley was raphael' truthers

#personally i quite enjoy being delulu #golden tooth truther here I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT MEANS BUT I KNOW IT MEANS THINGS.#aLSO. THE PAUSE. WHEN GABRIEL TRIES TO REMEMBER THE NAME. MUSIC SWELLING.#a fakeout if i ever saw one #(you can't) change my mind #and listen i love the 'crowley was a nobody' theory just as much but they threw that one out the window with the file reveal #so.#crowley is lucifer theory is uh fun but i can't get behind it whoops #good omens #crowley #crowley was raphael #good omens 2 spoilers #ok that's too many tags already. if you're still reading PLEASE RECOMMEND ME FICS.#and also if you want a gifset send an ask cause i'm obsessed #also! feel like most of these are from heaven-times. and yeah. more 'crowley in heaven' content @neil gaiman please #crying over the gif quality btw

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wasyago · 1 year

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random stuffs about Redstone and Skulk

@silverskye13

#drawing them in random outfits and just chilling together in case silver decides to kill one of them and I'll need something to cope--#also slight armor redesign. it was drawn before the 13th chapter came out so i guess i wont need it anymore but you know. its there.#oh and slight helsknight redesign because uh. i can't read and apparently blond and dirty blond are different things haha whoops #but the freckles man. the freckles hurt. he looked so cute with them. oh well #redstone and skulk #helsknight #tanguish #my art #sketch #also ill try to add the link to the fic in every post from now on because more people need to read it.#ALSO. the shirts are inspired by silver's 'lawful nice' post but uh. different shirts yea

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pjlotrkwt · 3 months

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I just love them so much.

#apex bloodhound #apex legends #fusehound #uh idk what to tag more #anyways new season looks amazing #they are couple goals #this post has been edited so many times whoops #not to get confusion lmao #so sad that fuse doesnt talk abt bh with those upgrades #bloodbomb

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cowboyskeletons · 2 months

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pair nettle with hemlock for a loved one who has been taken away too soon

pair nettle with oleander to warn someone that their betrayal has been discovered

#dndads #hermie the unworthy #....uh maybe #dndads spoilers #just because of the implications i guess? don't want to risk it #back at it again with flowers and hermie !!#ughghghgh i made the canvas too small so i couldn't do the hemlock properly #also the nettle... couldn't figure out how to make it not too busy without scrapping it for the 20394th time #whatever. on its own i like the hemlock and the oleander is nice #anyway hermie...... hermie brainrot.......#i have so much work to do and yet. flower language #i wanted him to hand the oleander to normal but i can't do perspectives so i gave that up quickly #also the initial idea i had was to have just a headshot with him wearing a crown of nettle and oleander but i kept looking in the book #....maybe i'll still do that actually #both of those #is this just procrastination because i am struggling with the take an l animatic? maybe #oops what did i just do #i think i made it private for like five seconds whoops

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timey-fandom-stuff · 2 months

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well, guess who lost control of my hands again and was compelled to scribble down designs for ANOTHER Deltarune AU? yeah. me. it doesn't really have a proper name yet so I've just been calling it Changeling AU for now, I'll figure that out later.

these would be the cast's dark world designs; they parallel early Deltarune concepts in which the lightners would turn into monsters in the dark world-- with a few medieval fantasy fae-flavored twists this time around. mortals become a variety of magical beasts in the fae's dark realm, with only 'Kris' strangely unaffected... aside from the hue shift and conspicuously pointed ears, that is.

the main 'Kris' of this AU isn't the only human in town. instead, they're ironically the only one in town who ISN'T human, though not even they know it yet. in reality they're a Changeling, a fae creature that was left as a 'gift' to replace a taken human child. they can do things, strange things. animals come to them in the night, and the cool touch of iron burns their skin. they're afraid of what they see in the mirror; human eyes don't gleam in the dark, and their teeth shouldn't be so sharp. so they hide their features, and they ignore the whispers of the townsfolk, and they keep their head down.

they made a mistake, a terrible one... and they need to set it right.

meanwhile, the human they replaced is still out there somewhere in the fae world, twisted by its curse into a cornered, desperate beast seeking any escape from the realm that has held them prisoner all their life. it's said that when the full moon casts deep shadows over the woods, you can still hear their anguished howls in the dark begging for the name that once was theirs. they can never leave the dark world without it. they'd do anything to get it back.

all they've ever really wanted was to find their way home.

#deltarune #deltarune AU #kris dreemurr #noelle holiday #susie deltarune #berdly #ralsei #my art #Changeling AU #oh i have a LOT of thoughts for this AU but it'll probably still be more of a side project compared to my other 2 AUs #i genuinely just HAD to throw this concept down or i was gonna actually explode. now i can go back to Dog HDJDHD #i know i'll revisit this in the future tho because there's so much to do with it. i have SO many plot beats for it already. man #the dog monster is actually not as scary as they seem. they're just a REALLY traumatized kid that thinks the Changeling is evil #it's a very unfortunate misunderstanding that almost ends in a kid losing their face to a very angry wolf monster! whoops!#the kids are NOT okay in this AU. sorry #tho the funniest part is that it's such a tragic AU and yet it still ends in a freakin' found family trope SOMEHOW. wack.#changeling kris coming home at the end: hey mom if you could adopt me a second time would you do it #toriel confused as heck: well... yes of course i would. why? is something on your mind my child?#kris hiding a second kris behind their back: uh. about that

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milfbaud · 4 months

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happy new yuri's eve have lesbians everybody to celebrate

#bsd fanart #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs fanart #bsd rimbaud #bsd verlaine #rimlaine bsd #stormbringer bsd #shipart #verlaine x rimbaud #guys.... i have come again w rimlaine :333 #the sillies!!!!#i lovw them sm what the hell #i wqs supposed to post on xmas but uh i got lazy whoops #also i gave up on fixing verlaines braid it looks horrid im so sorry

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mblue-art · 23 days

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Sorry for that question but I really curious!

What made you fell in love with Cross and Lust?

Tell us more!!

😳😳😳 hhuh what rreally,, , ,,, 😳 u wanna hear me yap abt my sillies, my beloveds,,, (i appreciate the enthusiasm tho omg 🥺🫶🫶🫶)

i want to have the yuris with lust and the yaois with cross I I MEAN HWHWAT 🧍‍♂️

UM.

haha anyWAY,, (oh gog this ended up long)

🍫—

cross checks so many boxes for me it makes me go insane. too good to be true. versatile(??)— like it's somehow way too easy to put him in Situations. (he's bf and husbone material??? just -20hp me now; that already kills me) he's. hh. gawddamn there's reasons why he won a utmv sans sexyman poll.

he's like a crush that you can't get out of your head no matter what you do, i'm so freaking down bad for him it's not even funny anymore. ever since simping for cross i have not been the same since. the man has changed me. the attraction/simp feelings hit me like a bat out of nowhere and i don't understand why it's so intense— i. hh.

,,i like when ppl make him dorky. stupidly silly (absolutely love shitpost shenanigans and would absolutely LOVE to get into silly shenanigans with him and with/without his bestie epic). fun to be around when he's deemed you as a good friend. stars, he'd give good hugs. strong, solid, and warm, the kind of hugs u don't wanna pull away from so soon. a little endearingly cringe. fanon simp cross is adorable and fun to mess around with. tsundere cross is adorable and fun to mess with. cute anxious guy under all that intimidating aloofness. when i say his smile is an absolute treasure, i mean that. his blush making him look like a grape or a glowing bulb is adorable and makes me wanna tease him more. anime protag/character vibes so strong i wanna have a cute bl/shoujo manga romance with him type shit yk.

then there's times when he's The Hot Dude and i think it's illegal if he's all confident and smug and dom actually (/hj) cause that makes me wanna fucking fite him HELLO? SIR? ILLEGAL????? (<- the fight or flight response of a tsundere towards a milder tsundere LOL).

-hp every single time. mf gets successful d20 rolls w/ rizz on me and i get a critical hit every time. it's a 50/50 either i fluster to death and become weak or i wanna fite his dumbass

i'll. i can fight him. i'll lose but i can fight him for sure. (why is he so cool⁉️‼️💢💢💢RRRRRRR)

he makes me feel things. lots of things. (mostly fluster but when i'm feelin sooper soff i jst wanna shower his skull in keeses. ima kissy lil guy)

tired cross makes me just wanna take care of him. want him to come home to me without any worry because he thinks i'm his safe space.

when he's being stubborn i want to tell him to chill out for a little while, take a break and watch some funny stuff while drinking choccy milk or eating his fav foods and be cozy. bapping him if he's gonna try to get out of this too soon. he's gonna get the free time he deserves n relax n get cuddles n kithes.

the way he can gently hold my hand and look at me with a sincere look in his eyelights and say something genuinely affectionate feels like cupid shooting an arrow through my soul, but also feels like a balm. (a promise of loyalty and faithfulness.) (a kiss on the forehead? a cherry on top.)

well now i can't be mean to him with all the nice he's saying and doing. i just want nice things for him o(-< (even if he's a bastard sometimes lol<3 all circles back to the silly) (silly is always important)

💜—

i love lust. so so so much. the fanon interpretation of him, anyway.

(don't get me wrong, i absolutely adore the feminine slay content of lust; but am i wrong for yearning for more masc lust content?)

i like my lust sans respectful, goofy, sans-like, an absolute sweetheart, and a caring, wonderful life partner. under the flirty personality and charm(ing looks), is a sans behavior that made me fall deeper. (he makes me feel very gender too) (ohmygofd yeah no he actually makes me think of gender sometimes rauauagrrgh<3/pos). i don't have to worry about showing my cring, weird side to him, because he's also a gremlin,, o(-< he doesn't have to present himself all nice and pretty all the time (although he's always pretty in my eyes). he can be comfortably himself; with me 🥺

i want to be his safe space.

i want to see him heal and be happy and be happy with me and give him all the love i can give and care for him and make him soso happy i just want him to feel SO sosososo loved, he deserves so much more

he's the only one who's able to get a certain reaction out of me; to pull flowers out of my heart. to pull out words of love and devotion and appreciation, heart bursting with affection only for him.

for him, i would try. i would live for him. i wish someone like him (the him i've created from interpretations and headcanons) was real irl.

i want to not care i don't care if he's a gorgeous well-known person that people fawn over, or if he's a campus crush, etc.,

i want him to think i'm worthy enough to keep in his life. for him to know how special he is to me, for him to know how much i want him in my life as much as i want him to keep me in his.

my immediate reaction when i think of him is: 😊💕💜💜💜eeeee kicks and giggles and flaps hands teehee

i love him so much i get a heart-on for him (/silly but it is true sometimes; love him so much it aches (in a good way))

#ask #mblue talks #m rambles #(embarrassing myself under the cut 😁!11! !)#(these words are messy like my thoughts hahagahgs forgive me for not making it proper or something)#(oh whoops is that my heart down there uh haha sry i must've dropped it lemme pick it back up—)#(honestly it gets kinda personalll?? but yeah my heart haha whoops)#(head full yet empty only purple beloveds...)#(took me so long to answer bc... thoughts... i wasn't sure which ones to omit or include)#crossrot #lm #cm

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