#sometimes (usually) when mike's put on the spot he lashes out and then he has to overcorrect it

[rulerofstars]

do you write in modern!au? i have an idea about an angst of him confessing/proposing to his s/o but because they were too shocked, he thought he was being rejected and he left them, (cutting their contacts off and such) then they meet again after some time coincidentally and they got to talk about it and his s/o got to finally answer him (sorry if its too long!)

Le quattro Stagioni

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x (Fem) Reader

Genre & Warnings: Modern AU, angst, fluff, swearing, mentions of alcohol

Word count: 4,950 words

Angel: I am so sorry this took so long, anon. Thank you so much for requesting, I hope you enjoy this one. Play the songs in order upon seeing the little hearts (♡) that I’ll put, but only if you guys want. All the love.

Songs:

Two is Better than One by Boys Like Girls

Back to December by Jake Coco (or TS)

You and Me by Lifehouse

The tepidity of June danced along the slightly cool breeze that blew a few strands of your hair away from your face. Numerous messages from Hanji made your phone go almost crazy and overwhelmed by the bombardment of notifications. Several questions about what would you wear, what time will you go, or should they pick you up.

A sigh escaped your lips upon opening your apartment door, the cold feeling of being alone grazed your cheek, sending shivers down your spine even though it was summer. Walking to your room, you grabbed the makeup pouch on top of the dining table along the way, replying to your friend’s messages.

Tonight is a special one. After five long years, a highschool reunion is initiated and organized by a few of your batchmates, and the venue is at a small garden event place—where everyone experienced their first prom when in third year. Your lips formed a smile upon the memories brought by the sudden reminisce, it was your first everything.

♡

Highschool is a period where people often experience every kind of shit an individual has to go through to enjoy their teenage years. We get drunk, we smoke—well not everyone, but a majority has tried taking one drag and regretting it afterwards, we lie to our parents, we cut classes. It doesn’t always happen to everyone, and not every single person can relate, but the point is, highschool brought us to situations we never knew we could get through. It introduced us to unfamiliar feelings, it gave us the chance to quench the curiosity that formed within the depths of our minds.

It doesn’t always happen to everyone in high school, but in your case, you fell in love.

Being friends with Hanji allowed you to become one with their own circle, too. The ever so responsible Erwin, Mike, Nanaba, Moblit—Hanji’s best friend, and you didn’t know if they noticed but there’s something else in the man’s eyes whenever he stares at Hanji, and of course, Levi. . . Every single one of them had their own idiosyncrasies, and it wasn’t hard to get along with them, especially with the man with the jet-black hair and slanted eyes.

As a transferee from another school, you chose to go along their group, because being with them makes you feel at ease. They weren’t intimidating at all, Levi was, at first, but their warmth and how they welcomed you in their circle will never be forgotten by your heart.

Everyone has their own “partner in crime”, except for Erwin who could ace high school on his own, but he did help anyone who needed a hand, and because of his duties as a class president, he doesn’t always have the chance to mingle with you guys. And so every time you had afterschool shenanigans, Mike and Nanaba would have their own little world, Hanji would be blabbering their rants to Moblit, sometimes Erwin too, if he’s not too busy with his responsibilities, and you are often left with Levi. It’s not that you hated it—you never hated it.

“Do you want me to walk you home?” He asked, one day. It was three months after being friends with you when he first held your hand, just because an over-speeding car almost hit you while you were walking your way towards our house. His hand felt nice on yours, and the concern that dwelled in his eyes was enough to make your frail heart dance with the crispy, orange leaves.

It was in the final term of first year when the attraction towards him grew into a little crush and little did you know how he became more fond of you than he did with the others, too.

“Do you want me to get you soup?” The busy cafeteria was filled with hungry students, lunch time only allows you to have your break within an hour. Yes, fuck school, but thank God the canteen wasn’t so far away.

“Yep,” You answered, while waiting outside of the line as you waited for Levi to finish ordering your food while you held his bag, and the utensils.

“Go find us a chair, I’ll come to you.” His bored eyes darted onto yours, nodding his head, insisting that you should go and sit. Hanji and the others found you soon after being separated for a while, they sat anywhere but the seat in front of you. Because, it’s Levi’s spot if it is across yours, and nobody can change that.

The unexpected bond of you and him had grew into a light sense of puppy love, and you really didn’t have a clue about what you were feeling, but it did feel right, he felt right.

“Do you like Levi?” Nanaba interrogated you one time when she and Hanji had a sleepover at your house, and a sleepover isn’t one if you would not talk about crushes and such. Apparently, something is really going on in between her and Mike, and she talked about how it all began in middle school. Hanji, apparently, is too caught up with fictional creatures like Titans, and they spoke about not having time for crushes.

“Yeah, do you like him? Because he liiiikes you,” They teased and you brushed it off, avoiding the question by changing the topic immediately.

“Don’t be silly.” You laughed.

Of course, of course you did.

He is the snowflakes of your winters.

It was the autumn of sophomore, when you first went into Levi’s house, along with your friends, of course. You met his lovely mom who welcomed you warmly and cooked the nicest food you’ve ever tasted outside of your house, and then you met his uncle who acts as if he’s always drunk and calls Levi a little runt.

“Tch,” Kuchel showed you his baby pictures, and you stared at his annoyed face, picturing if he had not cut his long, dark hair. Maybe he could tie it into a manbun? “Mom, stop that.” You laughed, amused how he managed to snatch the album away from the grip of his mother as he ran towards his room while everyone giggled because of his reaction.

“That brat was never the friendly type, we’re glad you were able to adopt him to your group,” Kenny snorted. Behind his harsh words were a sense of gratitude, you knew that Levi’s uncle may appear as harsh at first, but he was kind, and you were pretty sure where Levi got his attitude from.

Kuchel patted the top of your heads before sending you off that day, thanking you for how well you treated Levi, “You take care of my son, okay?” She said, and it might have appeared as usual to others, but not to you. You’d never forget how she looked into your eyes the moment she spoke, as if she was pertaining to you.

What you thought was puppy love had bloomed into something deeper, something stronger, more serious, and bigger than the both of you.

-----

It was the spring of junior year when you first made out. His room was dimly lit, the curtains were closed, his bed was soft, his tongue on yours—and how you wrapped your arms around his neck just to pull him closer to your body.

The seasons flew by quickly, you knew how well your heart and mind begs for him, and he is well aware about how a single touch of you could make him falter. You weren’t dumb, and it wasn’t that hard to figure it out, what was hard was to admit.

“What do you feel about me?” You asked, staring into his eyes and getting lost within the ardor the dwells upon his irises whenever he looks at you. “Do you love me, Levi?”

You would never forget how his ears turned red at that moment, placing soft kisses on your face while holding you in his arms, never ready to let go. “Tch, what do you think?”

“I think you do, too.” You smiled, pressing your lips against his and closing your eyes, feeling his warm breath on your face, his long eye lashes against your skin, and the scent you’ve grown fond of for years.

His eyes trailed to the necklace he gave you at prom, tracing the cold silver chain that rested upon the smoothness of your neck, “Then why’d you ask?”

And he would never forget how your eyes gleamed when he told you that, as if every star in the universe exploded and the smithereens fell onto your face. “I’m right, then?”

“Mhm.”

“I just want to hear you say it,” You pouted, kissing on his forehead and studying the cosmos in his eyes. You have always wondered how his eyes looked so pretty whenever you stare at them, never had you noticed how it only dazzles that way just because he is looking at you.

“I am in love with you.”

And it’s just a matter of time when the both of you realized that “you and me” was meant to be an “us.”

Everyone knew about your relationship when you were in high school, you were a power couple, lowkey but sweet. You never fail to capture almost everyone’s attention whenever you do the slightest things, hold each other’s bags, when you give him your food, when you share food, when you share a smile, most especially when you took every breath away at your first dance in prom. The relationship was private, but it shook everyone’s world. You kept things to the both of you, leaving people extremely curious about it.

The graduation was emotional, almost everyone was crying while they hugged their friends. And tears were flowing from your face, too, while Hanji and the others enveloped you into a group hug.

“I’m going to miss you all, oh my God.” They cried.

“There, there, it’s okay.” Erwin shushed them, earning a glare from your brunette friend.

“Shut up! You’re lucky you’d be going to the same university as Levi and Mike!”

You shook your head at them, spotting your boyfriend and walking towards where he is. A small smile formed on his lips upon seeing you approaching.

“Hey,” You smiled, kissing his cheek. Good thing, the lipstick you’ve used is waterproof.

“We made it, huh?” He kissed your forehead, and seldom are the times that he is willing to be affectionate in public. You closed your eyes for a while and caressed his cheek gently.

“We did,” You grinned, reaching out to his palm and intertwining your fingers together. “Hold my hand?”

He let out a light chuckle, and you swore, you fell in love a bit more. “Always.”

While you are the flowers of his spring.

♡

Just like how high school was, college flew by quickly. After years of being emotionally, physically, and mentally drained, you couldn’t believe how you managed to reach the last year of suffering. You wouldn’t lie, but the pressure and the amount of knowledge you’ve compressed into your brain made you doubt yourself. The path towards reality was extremely horrifying, and you felt like you couldn’t take it. You doubted your own capabilities to the point wherein you almost didn’t believe in yourself anymore.

It was the winter of senior year when Levi asked you one question that almost made your heart stop.

The snow fell from the empyrean that day, the heater felt useless because of the extreme cold that crept upon the spaces of your apartment. Your boyfriend was there while you burned your eyebrows trying to work on your final requirement.

You wouldn’t lie if you would say that the stress that had been introduced to the both of you didn’t put a space between him and you. Numerous quarrels have made you stronger, but this. . . it was as if you’re aware that you are drifting apart, and you weren’t doing anything about it, and fuck how it scared you. You wouldn’t lie if you were to say that the love wasn’t as warm as it used to, it wasn’t as fluttery as before, and you understood that it could be because of college. But the thought of letting go of the man that you love just because you are so damn scared of opening up teared your heart to pieces, and so you made your mind.

“C-can we talk?” You asked, approaching Levi who sat on your couch while scrolling through his phone. He nodded, standing up and following you to the dining table where all of your papers and laptop sat, while you shivered underneath the sweater that you stole from him.

“I have to tell you something,” Your hands gripped the hem of the sweater tight, while your boyfriend lean against the backrest of the chair.

“Yeah, me too.” The coldness of his voice added to the ice that formed because of the freezing weather. Was he this cold or were you not used to anymore?

“I-”

“Marry me.”

The ice struck your core like a billow enraged with fury and no mercy. You couldn’t speak nor react as your stared at him while time remained suspended in the frost. Your mind could not process his question, and confusion glazed your eyes while your heart pounded like crazy. The grip of your hand against the hem of the sweater weakened while you couldn’t believe what you just heard.

You thought he’s calling it off. You thought he was going to break up with you, you fucking thought you were done. But you are so taken aback that you can’t even talk. You sat frozen until seconds turned into minutes. You were sandwiched in the conundrum of stress, pressure, anxiety, and doubt.

“I see,” The words that left his mouth struck you in a different way as you watched his body walk out of your apartment. You wanted to scream, to punch yourself, to hurt yourself for not being able to function. You are trembling, but not because of the cold. A part of your soul shivered upon trying to understand what just happened.

“O-oh, my God.” You whispered, rushing outside without even bothering to put on more clothing. Winter’s kiss felt like a ghost on your skin as you sat in the middle of your snow-coated staircase, seeing how he had already gone.

Trepidation slowly crushed your heart as hot tears trickled from your eyes, down your face. Realization crept in the depths of your system as you understood that what caused you to be terrified never involved anything about the future, you’re not crying because he left, because whenever he does, he always comes back to you. What scared you the most, was how he felt before leaving. It felt like goodbye.

-----

The summer dress fitted your body perfectly, putting on a small smile while staring at yourself in the mirror. After some time, you finally finished getting ready. Pink stained your juicy lips, and you topped it off with a gloss. A spritz of perfume, earrings, mascara, everything felt like complete but deep inside, you knew that something was missing.

Your eyes darted on your neck, that is why, feeling nothing around your neck was weird, because you were so used to wearing the necklace that he gave you back when you were in high school. Sighing, you found yourself opening one of your drawers and taking out the necklace once again, you never threw it away, how could you? You just stopped wearing it. Cold and pretty, it sat on your skin. It never looked weary despite how old it was, because you took good care of it. You took good care of the presents Levi gave you.

Memories of how you broke down and how Hanji and Nanaba hugged you so tight while you sat in the middle of Levi’s empty apartment tore a piece of your heart once again. How you begged Erwin and Mike to help you with finding Levi, but they were clueless, too. It hurt so much, he left without a word, cut everything off, he was gone in the wind, and never in your life had you been so confused, so hurt, desperate for answers, desperate for chances.

Before thoughts of him could fill your mind, you forced yourself to think of something else. It has been six months since then, but you would be lying if you were to say that you don’t miss him. Because in reality, you fucking do.

A doorbell woke you out of your daze, “Coming!” You shouted, double-checking everything before heading out the door. Various thoughts filled your mind upon seeing the staircase that was once buried in deep, white, snow.

“Come in, girl!” Nanaba shouted from the backseat, and you smiled upon seeing their bright faces. In the front was Mike, and Moblit’s in the passenger seat, Hanji and Nanaba sat next to each other in the backseat, squishing you in a tight hug once you got in. You missed this so much, it has been so long. You never imagined that you could cherish a friendship like this, one that could last long. One that is worthwhile.

The garden is filled with various decorations inspired by the summer. Flowers of different kinds greeted your vision, every decoration turned the same, old, and boring venue into a decent one. You smiled at every familiar face you’ve encountered with, grinning awkwardly whenever they asked you about Levi, and your heart ache. You sought for answers, and they were never given to you.

“Where’s Erwin?” You were curious about the blonde man’s whereabouts, he’s probably busy with work. He immediately got into a company after graduating. You were in their graduation, and Levi wasn’t there. Thoughts of how you panicked that day filled your mind once again, how you cried to Erwin and Mike, telling them how you’ve ruined Levi’s life. But they were comforting, telling you how the man could have transferred when in the final semester in the last minute. Still, everything’s just a possibility, you didn’t know.

Hanji scrolled through their phone, “Probably late because he’s busy,” They answered, looking at you to check if you are okay. Their hand caressed  the exposed skin of your shoulder, sending comforting warmth to fight against the cold of the night. “I’m sorry if everyone’s asking about. . .” They trailed off, and you smiled at them, assuring them that it is okay, even though it’s not. How the fuck will it be okay?

Nanaba hugged you from the side while you were sitting, you leaned your head against their shoulder, letting a few tears fall from your pretty eyes.

“I’m sorry, it’s just how they knew you. . .” She whispered, caressing your back, “You’re (Y/N) of Levi.” A bitter laugh escaped your mouth as you chewed on your bottom lip.

“Hey, don’t talk like that,” You giggled, forcing the tears to stop. Mike handed you a glass of water that he fetched from the mobile bar, and you thanked him, carefully drinking from the cup. “Thank you, for being with me.”

“Always.”

Everyone had fun with games and such, the food was great, you had to go back to the buffet table two times, not minding your diet for the night. It was in the middle of the program when Erwin came, nodding at the men and hugging you girls.

“What did I miss?”

“Everything, dude. Where the fuck did you came from? Narnia?”

The spotlight is suddenly on Erwin, shocking the man who is currently eating the food Moblit got for him while he was gone, the Microphone person, Oluo, decided to interrogate Erwin, being the class valedictorian of your batch. People laughed when he was forced to take one shot of pure tequila before making a short speech first. You weren’t sure if Erwin was one of those who organized the event, but he did told you that he was added into a groupchat by a person from another section—you think Nile was the name.

Erwin was indeed, super late when you realized that it is time to for the most fun part of every prom you had in high school—the party portion. The man ate first before he joined your group’s rowdy-ass partying, you had fun as if you were back in your teenage years, except, you had unlimited alcohol this time. You’re pretty sure that either Hanji or Mike would come home late because those two doesn’t know the word limit.

Amidst the part where everyone’s being wild, from disco music to cheesy ones that you actually danced to when you were. . .

♡

A few couples filled the dancefloor, as others went to the mobile bar, ready to get drunk. It was one of your favorite love songs which played, as if it’s mocking you for not having your long-time partner. It’s mocking you for being single, fuck, you don’t even know if you are single or not.

Your boys formed a circle, they always do this every time a sweet song plays from the blasting speakers, mimicking a cotilion, but jumping to the part where everyone switches partners by forming a circle. You get partnered with Mike first, making funny faces to him like how you used to when you were young, and as he twirled you around, you found your self in the gentleman’s arms—Moblit, he told you how pretty you looked as he let you spin, passing you onto Erwin.

His eyes darted on the necklace on your neck, smiling upon the sight of the familiar jewelry, “You look beautiful tonight,” He told you, swaying you along the rhythm of the music. Your lips formed a slight smile, knowing that the reason of his stare is because of the necklace. “Don’t even think about teasing me, Erwin I swear I’ll punch-”

“Woah, easy there, I won’t do that to you.” He laughs at your glare, this man is probably drunk, you thought. While the two never knew their limits, Erwin’s a fucking weakling when it comes to alcohol. He twirled you around with so much force that you ended up not being catched by Mike and so you closed your eyes and braced yourself for the impact, but you didn’t fall.

Warm hands caught your frail body, whoever it was wrapped their hands around you, and between the the searing touches of this stranger, you felt yourself froze, feeling the familiarity of the unfamiliar touch. The clean, musk scent that had you enticed and whipped for years is recognized by your system.

There’s something about you now. . .

His warm hands embraced you like he used to while you get lost within the music that you first danced to.

I can’t quite figure out.

“I missed you.” He whispered, and you couldn’t open your eyes. You buried your faces within his chest, and how you also fucking missed it.

While various emotions filled your core, the tears that failed to escape your eyes before the party started, found their way back into your tear ducts. You didn’t know what to feel, how to feel, what to think, you are once again clueless while you let yourself drown within his touch.

Everything she does is beautiful.

But one thing is for sure.

Everything she does is right.

You are glad that he’s back.

He is the chill that makes you shiver when autumn comes by.

“F-fuck you. . .” You cried, sobbing onto his shirt and gripping onto the fabric. Levi’s hands caressed your back, pressing you closer, harder onto his chest. Fury crept upon every crevice of your heart, but you can’t let him go, you’re scared to let him go.

The love that you have for this man is so tremendous, that you can’t stand to hate him. Slowly, you felt yourself being pulled away from the crowd of dancing couples, distance made the music sound so soft, and the only sound that blasted you to bits was the sound of your heart beats with his.

“I hate you, I fucking hate you, how dare you—how fucking dare you!” Your fists came in contact with his hard chest, the feelings you have kept to yourself for six fucking months blasted like a waterfall. The force was too much, and you let yourself get carried out. Just this once.

His soft eyes never left your tipsy state, you were perfect. Still perfect.

Levi gladly took every punch you threw, every curse you spat, every slap you gave, because nothing could ever deny the fact that he deserved it. He was so fucking dumb, as Erwin and Mike told him.

“Leaving after proposing? Are you a sick fuck? Who does that?”

He received words from his friends after knowing what happened between the both of you. Curses, advices from Erwin, words from Hanji, the disapproval of Moblit, Mike’s punches, Nanaba’s disbelief.

“How d-dare you leave me! Y-you told me you won’t leave me. Fuck you, I-I love you. . .why did you leave me. . . Y-you know that I hate it when you leave me.” You sobbed, not knowing if you should continue hurting him or if you should go and hug him.

Levi’s lips pressed softly against your forehead, holding you tight, under the unforgiving solstice of the night.

“I almost failed my major. . .” He whispers, hugging the vulnerable you, while he buried half of his face onto the crook of your neck. And fuck, how he had missed this, how he fucking missed everything about you. “I never told you, because I know how anxious you were. . . I don’t want to become a burden.”

Your breathing was unsteady as you choked on words you could never say because of what he just said, your grip on his shirt tightened as you felt more tears streaming down your pretty face.

“I felt us drifting apart. . .and fuck, it scared me, (Y/N),” He paused, breathing deeply and running his fingers through your hair. “And when you asked if we could talk, I thought you wanted us done. So I asked you to marry me.”

His warm hands found their way to caress your tear-soaked face as he brought his face closer to yours, staring deeply into your eyes. “And I really wanted to marry you, baby. Fuck, I even had the shitty ring with me that time. . .” He gulped, biting his lip upon seeing the pain in your eyes. He could feel how fast your heart beats, he could feel the ache you’ve gone through for six months. “But I freaked out, And I really thought I. . . I already lost you.” He closed his eyes, he couldn’t bare seeing you cry because of him again.

“Erwin told me that I don’t deserve you, and I realized that really fucking don’t.” The cold wind kissed your skin, contrasting the heat that his body radiates. Steel grey eyes you have fell in love with years ago and until now darted on the silver necklace that sat pretty on your skin, and how it made his heart pound faster that it does. “But I am in love with you. . . The six fucking months, I’ve spent all of it trying to make myself a better man for you.”

His eyes, the gloss that reflected the beauty of the moon stared into yours once again. It’s been a while since you’ve seen the way his eyes look more pretty whenever you stare at him, because it has been a while since he last saw you.

“And whatever decision you are going to make, I will accept.” He whispered, pressing a soft kiss on your tear-stained face once again. “I am in love with you.” A small smile formed on his lips, as if he was already assuming that you’d leave him, and you hated that smile, you hated everything.

As if you fucking could.

“Marry me.” You muttered.

Gone was the fragility that dwelled upon your starry eyes, every doubt, every question, every ounce of fear that once settled deep inside your heart vanished along every meteor that crashed into the abyss of nothingness. Gone was the hate, gone was everything else except for the both of you.

‘Cause it’s you and me, and all of the people, and I don’t know why, I can’t keep my eyes off of you.

He nodded at you, speechless upon your sudden question. And he knew that this is right, he is sure. He is sure of you.

“I’m sorry.” His kisses sent butterflies and made you grew flowers on every inch of your body as he carefully slipped a ring on your ring finger. “I will make it up to you.” His words are coated with finality, and your heavy-lidded eyes felt warm once again, his slender fingers wiped the corner of your eyes before the tears could stain your face once more.

“D-don’t you leave me again.” You choked, admiring the ring that he got you. It fitted perfectly on your finger, just like how your hand fits perfectly with his.

“I’ll stay with you, always.”

“I never stopped loving you, Levi.” Your soft voice was melody to his ears, as the summer night reminded you both of how everything started. How you first met, how you first held hands, how you slowly fell in love, how you first made love, how you both thanked the cosmos for leading you to each other’s arms.

“I’ll never not love you.”

And you will always be the warmth that completes his every summer.

#attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman x you #levi x you #aot #snk #levi imagine #levi aot #levi angst #levi fluff #rulerofstars

[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 2  (Calum Hood AU)

THE REST OF dinner was much more enjoyable once Calum left.  Luke, Michael, and Ashton had no problem making me feel at home, and soon I was laughing and free from the stress of the day.  

From what I'd gathered, Luke and Michael about a year younger than Ashton.  They'd all finished high school and decided against university, much to their parents' pleasure.  Ashton however had landed a pretty lucrative gig at an advertising firm, even without a degree, and he said that it was the kind of job good enough to support him as long as he needed.  Luke and Michael had odd jobs here and there, preferring the care-free bachelor life to a scheduled, overworked routine.  I envied their easy-going attitudes; if only I could afford to live as freely as they did.

"We're not total bums though," Luke defended himself, blue eyes smiling.  The five us were sipping beers around the table, lights dimmed since it was so late.  "Mike is wicked good with video games and is helping this guy with his startup.  And I work down at the music shop, but the manager says he's gonna try to hook me up with an internship at a record label."

Michael snorted.  "I can not imagine you fetching people coffee.  And they'd probably force you take out that lovely lip ring."

Luke rolled his eyes and took a swig of his beer.  "You work for a guy with a purple tiger tattoo, of course you can keep your eyebrow piercing."

Ashton waved his hand dramatically, other arm slung over Hannah's shoulder.  She'd moved her chair so close to his she was practically on his lap.  

"Yeah yeah, you're little startup and you're little internship are cute, but I am working on the next campaign for Fido Feed."

Everyone burst out laughing, and I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.  "What's that?"

Hannah slid her hand down Ashton's cheek lovingly, and said, "It's a dog food brand, and he is single-handedly pioneering their success."  Ashton grinned and gave her a kiss.

"Hey, Ash, what happened to the wheat crackers ad?  I thought you were killing it with the cracker game."  Michael bat his lashes innocently.

Ashton flipped him off and I took a sip of my beer, happy and buzzed.  This was the most fun I'd had in a long time, and only hoped it would be like this every day.  Leaving university had been a difficult but inevitable decision, and I'd feared I wouldn't be happy for a long time.  Anxieties still plagued the back of my mind, but right now I found it easier than ever to ignore them.

"Alright, I don't know about you morons but I'm pretty tired."  Michael stood up from the table and motioned to me.  "How about I show you you're suite now, madam?"

I smiled and nodded, as Luke reached over to throw away my empty beer for me.  His blue eyes were so warm and kind, and I think I was most grateful for his calming presence.  

Michael led me up the stairs into a darkened hallway, and I noted four doors upstairs.  One was partially open, revealing the bathroom.  One at the end of the hall was shut tight, with quiet music reverberating softly from it.  I guessed this was Calum's room, and as Michael led to me to his my stomach sank.  I'd be right next to Calum, bumping into him as we went downstairs or tried to get to the bathroom.  

Great, more opportunities for him to hate me.

The room was fairly small, but not cramped.  The bed was big with dark blue sheets, and the gray walls were plastered with posters of all different types.  A closet had been cleared out for me, as well as a set of drawers and desk in the corner.  It was definitely a nicer place than I thought I'd be staying in.

"I don't know how to thank you," I admitted, still embarrassed at Michael's charity.

He crossed his arms, goofy smile on his face.  "You'll figure something out.  I like anything with cheese or frosting, so maybe start there?"  I laughed, and he gave me an encouraging thumbs up before turning out of the room.

"Night, Scar!" he called, and I closed the door gently behind him.

My bags were all arranged in one corner, and I reminded myself to thank Luke later.  Blowing out a sigh, I fell onto the bed.  The events of the past couple months truly felt like bricks on my shoulders, and every day was a struggle to get by.  The ache in my heart never seemed to subside, even during happy times like tonight.  Pulling the blankets over my shivering body, I simply hoped for a good night's sleep to be able to tackle tomorrow.

Unfortunately, my prayers were not answered.  I tossed and turned all night long, partly because of the unfamiliar atmosphere and partly because of my never ending anxieties.  Pale dawn light was peeking through the curtains when I finally opened my eyes, and I frowned.  

Quietly getting up, I checked my reflection in the mirror and yawned.  My hair was tousled, the hoodie I wore nearly covering my shorts.  I didn't look too great, but I decided it was better for people to see this me early on, seeing as she'd be around a fair amount.

Padding down the stairs, I didn't notice anyone awake.  Ashton had stayed the night with Hannah, both of them down in the basement on the futon.  Michael was passed out on the living room couch, red hair disheveled.  

Suddenly a sound from the kitchen made nearly jump out of my skin.  I whirled around to see Calum fishing through the cupboards, clad in only sweatpants.  He must have heard my surprised gasp, because he turned to me with a scowl.

"Of course you'd be up this early."  He faced away from me as I entered the kitchen, pausing as I gripped the back of a dining chair.  His back muscles were taut and tan, his bare shoulders rimmed with shadow in the dim light.  His hair was curly and messy, laying just over his eyes.  

"You're up this early," I countered innocently, meaning it more as a joke.  He gave me a distracted glance.

"Never really went to bed, I guess," he grumbled, moving to set up the coffee maker.  His movements were clumsy and confused, and I could tell he had no idea what he was doing.

"Here, let me," I offered softly, striding over.  His brown eyes tracked me as I dumped the ground coffee into machine, once again completely unreadable.  I worked quietly, my movements automatic as I had done this a million times at college in order to survive late nights and early classes.

"Ashton usually does this," he mumbled, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck.  I shrugged, flipping the lid down and setting the timer.  I turned so I was leaning against the counter, arms folded.  Calum backed away from me, choosing now to busy himself in the fridge.

I sighed, but was thankfully saved by Michael waking up over on the couch.

"I really hope that racket was coffee being made," he said, voice thick with sleep.

"Shut up, we weren't that loud," Calum snapped, finding the milk and grabbing some frosted cereal.  Soon Luke was awake and joined us in the kitchen, followed shortly by Ashton and Hannah from downstairs.  She looked lazy and happy, glowing almost.  Luke rolled his eyes and shot me a smile; we all knew why the two of them looked so content.

We all sat at the table, Calum included.  He ate his cereal silently, and didn't look up when I poured him a cup of coffee.  I took my mug and sat down, letting the warmth of the coffee seep into my cold hands.

"Cream and sugar?" Luke asked, but I shook my head.

"No, this is fine."

"You take it black?  Damn, badass."  He grinned, and I chuckled.  Calum snorted, and everyone turned to look at him.

He reddened at our stares, and said curtly, "What, she's some brave hero for drinking black coffee?  Please."

Luke didn't take his comment to heart, his expression amused.  "Right, I forgot no one is cool in your eyes.  You enjoy vodka straight out of the bottle."  Calum met his eyes, and for the first time I saw a spark of humor in the brown orbs.  Little flashes of the boys' friendship peeked through sometimes, and I knew despite his rough exterior the guys really loved Calum.

"What are we doing today?" Michael asked, stuffing some toast into his mouth.

"Some of us have serious jobs to go to," Ashton joked, and Hannah giggled as she ran a hand through his curls.  I was jealous of how close they were, wishing I had someone like Ashton to support me.  He would walk through fire for Hannah, and she for him.  Their bond was unlike anything I'd ever seen let alone experienced, and I wondered if I'd ever be lucky enough to discover that feeling.

"Ha-ha," Michael said dryly.  "Reggie doesn't need me today since we're waiting for a streaming service to get back to us, so I'm free."

Luke nodded.  "Same here, the Jared doesn't need me since he's training a new guy.  Looks like we'll all have the day together, eh?"  He shot me a wink, and I smiled.  I'd hoped to be introduced to the area, and what better way to do it then with all of them?  It would give me even more time to get to know the guys.

"Why don't we give Scarlett here a tour?  She's gotta know about all the good spots," Hannah proposed, and was met with sounds of approval.  The only one who didn't reply was Calum, who's eyebrows hung low over his eyes as he ate his breakfast.

"Count me out, I've got some shit to do."  No one questioned his vague answer, and I guessed this was routine around here.  Calum did what he pleased and no one pushed him.  To me it was peculiar, because I'd always been the kind of person to appreciate communication.  Clearly I had a lot to learn if I was going to stick around here.

They parted ways to get ready, but I stayed behind to clean up the dishes.  Small things like this made me feel better about staying at the house.  Calum was last to leave the table, and was watching me with steely eyes as I rinsed out the mugs.  Wordlessly, he stood up and stalked over to the sink, halting.  I stopped what I was doing and glanced up at him, intimidated when I met his gaze.  A beat went by, and then he set his bowl down and promptly left.

I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding.

Soon after I'd changed and put on a bit of makeup, glad that my appearance looked slightly more acceptable.  I was nervous and excited for the day ahead; seeing a new city was always fun, especially one I'd be living in for a while.

Between the guys they had three cars, the nicest belonging to Ashton which he'd bought after his first promotion.  Luke and Michael shared an old station wagon since their jobs were fairly close together, and Calum drove a vintage mustang.  I whistled under my breath, wondering how he afforded such a nice car.  He climbed in and sped off within seconds, and I watched him disappear from view.

The rest of us piled into the station wagon with Michael behind the wheel and Luke riding shotgun.  

"Alright, where to first ladies and gentleman?"

"We gotta show her the music shop," Hannah proposed.

"Oh yeah, it's a real exciting place," Luke joked.  "Dusty, too."  

We drove off, and Michael lowered the windows.  The sky was sunny and blotted with clouds, a small breeze cooling down the warm air.  I rested my arm on the window, and leaned out to look at the trees blurring by.  Michael drove fast but controlled, and I could feel my heart flutter as we flew down the street.

The music shop was actually pretty cool, and Luke even took us to the back to show us where they stored the vintage and expensive stuff.  Guitars, basses, even a dismantled drum kit were hiding in the back room.  Michael and Luke were like little boys around all the stuff, itching to play and show us their chops.

"For a while we wanted to start a band," Luke explained, strumming a simple tune on an acoustic guitar.  "But life got in the way, I guess.  Besides, our parents basically told us we'd amount to nothing, so here we are."

I frowned.  "You shouldn't let someone else tell you what you should do."  He looked up, smiling sadly.

"Yeah, but when that someone pays for your entire life, it's pretty hard to say no."  I nodded, understanding what he meant.  Money was the ultimate decider in life, as I knew all too well.

After the music shop we drove by Michael's start-up, which he claimed was the "most legit garage in the whole city."  It was quite literally a garage attached to some guy's house, but Michael insisted all the geniuses started out small.

As we continued driving around, I briefly thought about Calum and where he could possibly be, and I even kept an eye out for his mustang.  But he was nowhere to be seen, and by lunch the thought of him had completely evaporated from my mind.

Lunch was at Michael's favorite place, which served the best cheese fries I'd ever tasted in my whole life.  As I was eating a thought occurred to me.

"Hey, do you guys know any places hiring?  I've gotta get a job now that I'm not spending all my time on school."  Back at university, I'd thrown all of my energy into schoolwork since my scholarships depended on it.  Now though, a job was a necessity.

They were quiet for a minute, thinking.  Then Hannah said, "Oh, I think the cafe on fourth street is looking for someone.  You have any experience?"

"I worked retail when I was seventeen back home, so I guess not.  But I think I'm a quick learner."

"Wanna swing by right now?"

"Nah, I'll go tomorrow.  Today's been too fun, I want to keep it going."

We finished lunch, and perused around town for an hour or so more, showing me various shops and places I'd want to know about.  When we finally got back home, the driveway was still empty.

"Think you're in the mood for a beat down in Smash, Lukey boy?" Michael goaded, and Luke shoved him good-naturedly.  

"Nobody's getting beat down here except you, my friend."

Hannah and I rolled our eyes, but followed them into the living room nonetheless.  We wasted the afternoon watching them play video games and arguing over it, until Hannah got so sick of it she begged me to do something else with her.

"How about we organize your closet?  I want to go out later, so we've gotta find outfits."

I readily agreed, excited at the prospect of going clubbing.  Hannah had been my partner in crime and always made sure to drag me out of my dorm so I had some fun instead of always staying in and studying.

We began to sift through my bags, and after emptying all of them I realized how little I actually owned.  Hannah didn't comment; she knew the reality of the situation, and gave me an encouraging smile.

"Don't worry, we'll go shopping once you get that job and fill this closet right up."  I knew I wouldn't be wasting my paycheck on party clothes, but I appreciated her idea nonetheless.

"Where are we going tonight?" I asked.

"Where we always go, it's a place Ashton discovered.  It's big, so it never feels cramped.  They have a killer DJ, which is rare in this town."  She pulled out a black skirt and long sleeved black crop top with a lace up back.

I raised my eyebrows in slight surprise.  "Kinda dark, no?"

Hannah rolled her eyes.  "Trust me, black is the way to go.  You look sultry and dark, and with the lights in the club it looks great."

I laughed but accepted the outfit.  "Who am I trying to look sultry for?"

Hannah put her hands on her hips.  "Scarlett, you're hot, you're single, and you've got nothing better to do.  Get yourself some."

I flushed, embarrassed at her confidence in me.  I'd never been the outgoing type of girl to go after guys I liked.  I'd been pursued only a few times, mostly by guys I found repulsive.  I'd had two boyfriends my whole life, one in high school who had no idea how to kiss with tongue, and one in the beginning of college who left me alone at a party where I knew no one and got thrown up on by a drunk guy.  Needless to say, I wasn't crazy about either of them.

Hannah left to get changed herself, and I sighed as I looked at the outfit on the bed.  You might as well let loose, I told myself.  Hannah was right; you have nothing better to do.

I pulled the skirt on and tied up the crop top flipping my hair over my shoulder as I combed through the reddish brown locks with my fingers.  Frowning in the mirror, I swiped some eyeliner on and curled my lashes, sticking out my bottom lip in a pout.  Hannah was right; I looked dark, but sultry was still up in the air.

Realizing I had no idea what shoes to wear, I went downstairs and saw Michael and Luke waiting to leave in the living room.  They both had dark jeans and leather jackets on, looking like hot bikers.  Luke whistled as I walked by, blue eyes tracking me.

"Looking good, Scarlett."

I blushed and thanked him before running into Hannah, who actually had boots in her hand.  They were the black knee high kind, and I snorted at her insistence of keeping to a black theme.

"Wear these, I'm going with heels tonight."  She looked hot herself; her black skirt was leather, and her shirt was off the shoulder and very low cut.  A wave of appreciation for her washed over me; I could always count on Hannah to make me feel good about myself.

We were all ready, and the sky was dark with only a few stars dotting the black canvas.  Michael had ordered a cab, and it was waiting for us as we descended the driveway.

As Hannah and I slid across the back seat, the driver glanced in the rear-view mirror.  

"And how are you ladies doing tonight?" he asked suggestively, making my face redden.

"Seriously, dude?" Luke said, glaring at the guy from the passenger seat.  "Just drive the car and don't say anything, please.  Or do you not want to get paid?"

He met my eyes in the mirror, and I hoped my expression showed my gratitude.  I knew I could rely on Luke to defend me if I needed it, and that was a comforting thought.

"Ashton and Calum are already there," Hannah told us, and I was slightly surprised to hear that Calum was coming.  He'd blown off the day with us, but I guess he couldn't turn down a night out.

When we arrived, I saw how big the club is and my jaw dropped.  I could hear the hammering music from outside, and watched as bodies waded in and out of the door.  Hannah stuck close by my side, with Michael and Luke leading the way.  I smiled nervously at the bouncer, who met my eyes with a blank expression.

Bright lights danced across bodies glowing with sweat, and a crowded dance floor pulsed with the heartbeats of dozens of people.  Girls hung onto guys, guys held onto girls.  Tables were piled high with empty glasses and bottles, and everyone's eyes were dull with a buzz.

I couldn't help but smile, and Hannah grabbed my hand as she led us through the throng of people.  My body itched to join them and dance, the music almost as intoxicating as the alcohol at the bar.

We found our way to the back, where Ashton and Calum were at the bar drinking.  Ashton spotted Hannah and grabbed her for a big kiss, whispering something in her ear that made her giggle and grip his bicep.  Calum emptied his glass and turned to greet Michael and Luke.  His dark eyes raked down my body, face barely illuminated by the roving lights.  He looked good; black jeans and boots, his staple apparently.  But today he had a leather jacket hugging his broad shoulders, and the glint of rings showed on his fingers.  He looked like a shadow ready to melt into the background.

"How was your tour?" he asked, leaning back on his forearms against the tabletop.  I couldn't tell if his question was genuine or mocking, so I decided to answer honestly.

"It was great, I think I'm really gonna like it here."

He didn't react to my response, instead motioned to the bartender to get him another drink.

"You good here?" Hannah yelled over the music.  "I'm gonna go off with Ashton for a bit, but I'll be back to dance with you later, okay?"  I nodded, and the two of them soon dissolved in the crowd.  Michael and Luke recognized someone, and went over to talk.  I was fine with being alone, and took a seat at the bar.

The bartender had a kind smile and bright eyes.  "What can I get you?"

I drummed my fingers on the table, thinking.  I don't know, what's good?"

Someone scoffed next to me, and I glanced over at Calum.  I hadn't realized he was still here, and suddenly regretted my juvenile question.

"Get her a juice box or something, Joe," he said, knocking back his second glass of dark liquid.  He was probably already drunk, but I knew he'd be mean even if he was sober.

Feeling like I had to prove something, I straightened up and said firmly, "I'll take a tequila."

Calum didn't react, much to my disappointment.  I wasn't a crazy drinker, but I could handle my alcohol.  I actually quite liked getting drunk; the buzz made me happy and loopy, and everything was funny when I was drunk.

Joe poured me the drink, and I inhaled deeply before taking a sip.  It burned as it slid down my throat, but I didn't wince.  Calum's empty glass was refilled, and he lifted it in mock cheers.

"Where were you today?" I asked, voice getting slightly drowned out by the music.  Calum scowled at my question.

"Why?"

Shrugging, I replied,  "I don't know, you missed a fun day."

He took a big gulp of his drink.  "Why do you care?"

I blinked, deciding to be candid.  "I don't, I was just trying to be nice."  My answer must have surprised him, because he actually shifted to face me.

"What makes you think I want you to be nice to me?"  His freezing stare sent chills down my spine, and I took another swig for some liquid courage.

"Generally speaking people are supposed to be nice to one another, but I can see how you wouldn't understand that concept."  With that, I finished my drink and flipped my hair behind my shoulders.

"See you later, Calum," I said before striding off onto the dance floor to find Scarlett.  I spotted her dancing with Ashton, and she gave me a big drunken hug before jumping around with delight.

As my hips began to sway and I danced along to the music, I could feel the heat of someone's stare on me, but it only made me dance harder.

#calumhood #calum hood #calum hood imagine #calum 5sos #calum hood smut #5sos #5sos imagine #5sos fanfic #luke hemmings #luke hemming imagines #luke hemmings fanfiction #luke hemmings smut #ashton irwin #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin fanfiction #michael clifford #michael clifford imagine #michael clifford fanfiction #c.a.l.m #5 seconds of summer #youngblood #sounds good feels good

[jeantue]

SLAIN by guitars

I love guitars! Though as a guy in a band, I usually think of the song first and the guitar second. At least that was the case up from my Pie days through Verst’s last album Starship Crash. But leading into our new album David Slain, that started to change. The songs on this new record are built around riffs and I did stuff with the sounds just to make the guitar louder, more cathartic, and more over the top than ever before. I don’t know why. It’s just the way I felt. Anyway, here are the guitars we used to record Verst's David Slain LP..

Rickenbacker 4003 Bass

Since he bought it a couple years ago, John Parsons has played only this instrument. I've never seen anything else in his hands. He just loves it. 

JP's ricky sounds incredible, and stays in tune like an absolute champ - much better than you'd expect for such a lightweight bass. Like any stock Rickenbacker bass, it hummed quite a bit when he got it, because the single coil pickups do not come with reversed polarity. I have no idea why Rickenbacker doesn't set them up in humbucking mode. Weird. Anyway, I tried to do the polarity mod myself, but realized pretty quickly that there was a possibility that I was going to damage a pickup irreparably. So I backed away from that, and John had Chris Barnett do it. Now it doesn't hum when both pickups are selected. I don't think John ever sets it any other way. The both-pickups sound seems to be his jam and I just love it. 

Speaking of Jam, Bruce Foxton played his Rickenbacker through Marshalls and it sounded like God’s piano.

I just see that bass and famous Ricky players come to mind - Lemmy, Paul Gray, Paul McCartney, Bruce Foxton, Lou Barlow.. the list goes on. I think that in order to play a Ricky you really need to be a BASS GUITAR player, not a low end or clean player. I suppose you could use it as a slap pop machine, but with no gain loading from the amp, it's a pretty thin sound. But run it through a cranked up tube amp, such as John Parsons' 200-watt Hovercraft, and you are on your way to achieving a very rich, thick, punchy, piano-like tone. Now that we have only one guitar in the band, there is a huge amount of space for John's bass to own. His Rickenbacker really does that space justice. You can hear nothing but this bass in the first couple minutes of Secret Sea.

That’s Paul Gray on the right here with The Damned. Gray’s extremely sick Rickenbacker tones and guitarish playing can be heard on The Black Album, Live at Shepperton, and Strawberries.

1993 Gibson Les Paul Custom

This guitar is the living document of just how far my Les Paul obsession has gone. Last time I wrote a blog entry, I said that I was obsessing over a cherry sunburst Custom. Then voila. LOOK at the thing. 

It's gorgeous. And it plays like a big heavy brick of butter. Smooth as hell. Resonant, but not overly midrangey. It is so heavy that the notes it produces are like icebreakers smashing and cutting through a mix like so much glass. I'm pretty much playing this guitar 95% of the time and it pretty much comprises about that much of the guitar on the album, so I guess that makes me a real Les Paul guy. For all the fighting and ergonomic crime involved, it is so addictive and sounds so powerful that I just can't put it down. It’s the best instrument I’ve ever had.

While I was thinking about this album, and wanting the guitars to fucking completely take over, I kept going back to Iggy Pop's Raw Power - the sound of James Williamson's LP custom through a dimed Vox AC30. It’s so huge and in-your-face. I realized pretty quickly that the stock 90s pickups that came on my Custom were too heavily wound, too dark. The key to Williamson's sound is the brightness, the presence. So I got some fantastic pickups for this guitar - some Throbak PAF-style things that give it a holographic, smoky brightness. Man, that hit the spot. Because in a big way, I was tired of polite and pretty sounds. I wanted this record to be an aggressive guitar album. I wanted weaponized guitar. The LP Custom seemed to force all of that to happen anyway. My challenge was just to capture those sounds and mix them in a way that didn't puss out. 

James Williamson wielding a generator of raw power back in the day.

I also changed the tuners on this guitar, from the big fat stock Grovers to Schaller knock-offs that I found on eBay. They're not quite as good as real Schallers, but they're much better than the Grovers. I don't know why people like the Grovers. They're heavy and they have all this unnecessary, undignified lash in the way the gears mate up and move. Now the guitar is incredibly stable. I can often play 4 or 5 songs with string bends and everything and it's still in tune. I love the dependability and stability of it. And that's a change for me, because in the past, one thing I've loved about Jazzmasters was their very unpredictability and the cool pitchy wooziness you can create with them. Now when I want to do that with the Les Paul, it all has to be in my left hand - not in a whammy bar or from waving the neck around. It's a different way of playing and I think it makes me a better, more deliberate player.

Homemade Stigmata Jazzblaster

For the first time since I started playing a Jazzmaster (1992?), my Jazzmaster took a back seat to another guitar - the Les Paul. But I did have to pull out the Stigmata. This is the best Jazzmaster I've ever owned, just incredible. And I made it! (See my old blog post about it). It is a weapons-grade Jazzmaster, with all top shelf bits, and it's black with that anodized aluminum pickguard. It's all business and looks like some kind of weapon. It just so happens that it plays beautifully and has incredible halo of harmonics ringing off the string lengths after the bridge. Somehow all those dimensions lined up perfectly to make that happen. And the light swamp ash isn't too light on this one. I think it's too light on the red Jazzmaster I made, but that's a topic for another post. Sadly, I sold that red guitar. 

Even though I am still more comfortable playing a Jazzmaster than a Les Paul, I only played the Jazzblaster guitar on a handful of songs on this record.. Sick Pretty Pilots, Laid Off For The Summer, and (Nice). There are songs, like those, where the Jazzmaster sounds better, either because you can hear the notes of the chords more clearly, or because a whammy bar is needed to do the parts justice. When we rehearse, sometimes I stick with the Les Paul all the way through, even on those songs. But I don't think I'll ever get away from the Jazzmaster for shows and recording. It's in my bones.

Homemade Telemaster

"Burnt candy grind" is how my brother Matt so vividly describes the incredible and unique sound a Tele can produce with its bridge pickup and the right kind of bright clean amp setting. This is the sound you get just before breakup, when the tubes are loading up some compression, but not breaking up yet, bass is set on 0, treble is on 10. The first three Echo and the Bunnymen albums are rife with that sound (example: Do It Clean). I kept hearing some Will Sergeant style chords over the final ending section of Sick Pretty Pilots. For as long as I've been into EBM you'd think it would have been easy for me to get the sound. But I'd tried several times to get it right, using different guitars or having Mike play it on his Telemaster, and none of that quite worked. 

Will Sergeant doing it right.

I finally got it right myself with my own Telemaster and a 70s silverface Fender Twin Reverb. Right when I hit record and it was sounding perfect, Christine and Eli came home and I was already late making dinner for them. So I just finished my one take, saved the file and that was it. But it was the perfect sound and take. Luckily, finally.

I guess the neck pickup isn’t quite aligned, but it’s still a cool guitar.

2014 Fender Johnny Marr Jaguar

This was not my guitar. I don't like Jaguars very much because of the short scale and the brittle-sounding pickups. But sometimes, that's just what's needed, and Fender did a really sweet job on this model. This guitar belonged to Brian Shultz, but I believe he has sold it by now. Brian is a super cool guy with fabulous taste in guitars. We share rehearsal space with him. I used his Jaguar for the left-channel rhythm guitar in Bath Salts & Me, where I needed a single coil sound that would provide just the barest but still great-sounding sketch of the chords and rhythm. 

Squier Bass VI

This is also Brian Shultz' guitar. I used this to fatten up the power chord refrains in Bath Salts & Me, because it can actually dip down for the low D-flats that are in that part. It's in there sorta subliminally in the left channel, slamming through a Marshall Super Lead with the volumes on about 6.

Not quite sure what one would accomplish with the whammy bar on this thing but it must be fun to try.

"Plastic Hippie Values" - 1977 Yamaha FG-345 Acoustic (wounded)

Poor Plastic Hippie Values! A couple years ago I took it on a Summer camping trip to the Southwest where it was basically roasted in the back of my pickup truck for a week. Stupidly, I tried to adjust the truss rod while the neck was in the throes of warping and swelling. The truss rod snapped. So now the neck is permanently bowed inward and the guitar has painfully high action. This is my only acoustic guitar, unfortunately, so it's all I had to use to double the arpeggio parts in the choruses of Plastic Cow. 

Sometimes I create parts I refer to as "music box" sections, where several layered guitars play the same or interlocking arpeggiative parts together to form a machine-like arrangement. It reminds me of a music box or player piano because of how prescriptive and interlocked the parts are. I don't know if that's how it comes across to other people when they hear the recording. But playing that particular part up around the 12th fret with some strings ringing open on this super high action guitar was really difficult. It's already the kind of part that I have to learn by muscle memory and not think about while I play it, or I'll screw it up. The high action made that all the more difficult to do. 

Here’s a very little Eli back in San Leandro with Plastic Hippie Values and a couple Jazzmasters I don’t have anymore.

I do have an emotional attachment to this guitar, because it is the only acoustic I've owned in my adult life and I've had it since around 1991. But replacing a truss rod is very expensive, certainly costing more money than the guitar is worth. And what I really want for an acoustic guitar is a vintage arch top, like a Gretsch or Gibson. I'm not really an acoustic person anyway, so I don't know what I'm going to do.

#gibson #gibson les paul #yamaha fg-345 #jazzmaster #jazzblaster #les paul custom #rickenbacker #rickenbacker 4003 #fender #jaguar #squier #bass vi

[mbtizone]

Troy Otto (Fear the Walking Dead): ISTP

Dominant Introverted Thinking [Ti]: Troy is obsessed with killing people of different ages, sizes, and ethnicities to see what he can learn about the turning process. He wants to collect data, which he then goes on to categorize, or draw conclusions from. He is confident in his assertion that it will take him 87 minutes to die, because of his age, weight, and BMI. He’s so obsessed with collecting this information that when Nick threatens to kill him, Troy begs him to time how long it takes him to turn. He cares about accumulating knowledge and, when Nick wants to know what’s wrong with him, Troy simply responds that Newton stabbed himself in the eye just to understand the nature of light. Troy wants to know why people spoil. He seeks to understand what is going on around him and remains callous and detached in his quest for answers. Troy’s way of thinking about things is subjective. He does what makes sense to him. He wants to take out the horde that he spots on the side of the road because they can’t risk allowing them to reach the ranch. Cooper argues with him, trying to tell him that it’s not on their to-do list and says that they’re on the clock, but Troy doesn’t care about their schedule. He’s guided by his own internal logic and is able to arrive at likely conclusions quickly. He spots shells from a gun that was owned by Phil, which leads Troy to deduce that Phil had engaged an attacker before retreating to the outpost.

Auxiliary Extroverted Sensing [Se]: Action and adventure are exciting for Troy and he likes to be in the thick of things. When he spots the horde on the side of the road and leads his men to take them out, he doesn’t allow them to use their guns because it’s “too much noise” and “not enough sport.” He enjoys taking risks and living in the moment. Troy is often reckless and puts himself and others in dangerous situations. He enjoys a good fight and is skilled with weapons. Troy is always aware of his physical surroundings and knows how to engage with them. His constant vigilance allows him to make many observations about his environment. Troy has very keen senses. He’s the first one to notice the smell that leads his men and Madison to the pile of charred bodies. Troy tells Madison that he’s “always been a bit of a nature boy.” He notices what’s going on around him (Se) and makes note of it (Ti). Although he is aware of the severity of most situations, he tends to treat the new world like a personal playground, with Madison noting that it’s like a “game” to Troy. Troy is impetuous and has trouble controlling his impulses (slaughtering the Trimbol family in the heat of the moment). He doesn’t believe in dwelling on the past. When someone dies, they’re gone. All you can do is get your revenge and move on. When Troy sees what Walker did to their people, he immediately wants to hit them back.

Tertiary Introverted Intuition [Ni]: Troy’s singular focus is on studying, observing, and acquiring information about the dead (Ti-Ni). He is consumed by it. He has a good sense about people and he sees right through Madison’s speech. Troy realizes that she said what she said to garner sympathy and remind the people at the ranch that she’s a victim. She didn’t say what she said to memorialize him. She had a reason and Troy saw right through her manipulation. He usually has an idea of what will happen in most situations (though, having a concept of what the consequences may be is rarely enough to stop him). Troy thinks that what he does is his “calling” in life. He believes it’s what he’s meant to do. It’s his purpose.

Inferior Extroverted Feeling [Fe]: Because he is so wrapped up in trying to comprehend the world around him, Troy doesn’t typically display empathy. When Madison is upset after seeing where the helicopter went down, he admonishes her, saying “there’s no room for grief.” In certain instances, he can become extremely emotional and throw a tantrum. He killed the Trimbol family because they left the ranch and Mike couldn’t even do him the courtesy of looking him in the eye and talking to Troy about it. He has a hard time dealing with his feelings and they cause him to lash out. Troy can be very good at understanding people (seeing Madison’s real motivation for her speech about Travis). Troy does genuinely care about the people at the ranch and wants to help them and protect them, but because he’s so unhealthy, he sometimes ends up doing more harm than good. He’s genuinely upset when he finds the heap of burned bodies and when his group comes across Phil. When Madison tells Troy that his mother never loved him, he later holds a knife to her throat in her sleep, but is unable to go through with it. When he returns to the ranch after their encounter with Walker, Troy wants to keep the truth from them. He only wants to tell Jeremiah, and Troy tries to keep Mike from telling everybody what happened, to no success.

Note: Troy is unbelievably unhealthy. He’s also very complex. Troy has sadistic tendencies and it’s difficult for him to control himself. He didn’t intend to kill the Trimbol family and he means what he says when he’s saying it. He’s just extremely damaged and probably one of the worst examples of an ISTP on television. It’s hard to separate what parts of Troy’s personality come from his cognitive functions and which parts stem from whatever psychological disorder he suffers from. I actually considered high Si for him, because he believes in preserving the ranch, serving it, and doing what he believes must be done in order to protect it. He also talks about the importance of “order, discipline, chain of command,” but I think he means that more for other people and not necessarily for himself. He doesn’t embody those values and tends to just do whatever he wants in the moment. His past has a huge, lasting impact on him, but I believe anyone of any type would be affected if they had the same experiences as Troy. He’s a stickler for “the rules” and how things should be done, but I think that might be part his illness. He uses his loyalty to the ranch as an excuse. They “don’t have enough resources” for Travis, but he’s okay with allowing Madison and Alicia in. I believe Jeremiah and Jake didn’t want to allow Luciana inside because that’s “not how they do things.” Troy hid behind this reason as well, but I think it probably had more to do with his desire to kill people to “learn.” He was probably already thinking about how long it would take Luciana to turn. The same goes for when Vernon, Mike, and the rest of the Trimbol family left the ranch. He was angry and upset, so he used the rules as a crutch. He berated them for leaving with “ranch property.” He didn’t really care about protecting the ranch in that moment, as Jake pointed out. He just used that as his reason because he didn’t want to get into the truth – that he was hurt and felt betrayed. It was also hard for me to decide what his dominant function was – Ti or Se? But there are strong signs of inferior Fe, and nearly everything he does is to feed his Ti curiosity, so ISTP seemed the better fit. Troy can be interpreted in numerous ways, so I used my own analysis of the character, as well as what I’ve read in interviews or heard on Talking Dead to form my judgments. He hasn’t been around very long, though, so I may see something that will cause me go back and retype him in the future. Time shall tell.

Enneagram: 8w7 5w6 3w2 So/Sx

Quotes:

Troy: Did you have contact back home before comms failed? Travis: No. Troy: Oh, shame. New Zealand’s isolated. I just thought, uh maybe your people – maybe they dodged all this. Maybe they turn different or not at all. Eh, could’ve learned something. We may still. Nick: Where’s my mom and my sister? Troy: Being processed. Nick: Don’t hurt them. Troy: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, ease your mind. I’m not a savage. Travis: That’s that’s good to hear. This woman needs attention. Troy: Yeah, she’ll be taken care of. Travis: No, she’s dying. Troy: Everyone here dies. It’s the only mercy I can offer for the sick and the maimed. Now, you can take a seat.

Madison: What are you writing? Troy: Oh, it’s just observations. I’ve always been a bit of a nature boy. I just I mark things down. It will matter later.

Troy: Two ways it cuts, huh? You can’t sleep ’cause of what’s weighing on you or bad times just waiting for you when you wake. Madison: What do you want? Troy: This area’s burned. You shouldn’t go back out there. Madison: Troy. Troy: We’re leaving. I can take you home with us. You and Alicia. Madison: What about Travis? Troy: Our resources are limited Madison: Is he alive? Troy: I’ll release him. I will… if you come.

Nick: Luci, hey- Man: Not sure she can hear you. Nick: What what do you mean? Troy: She’s not going to make it is what he means. Nick: Help her. Troy: No. We take her to the infirmary, she may turn. It’s against policy. Nick: It’s your fault. You shot her. Troy: I was defending my people. I’ll do it again. I know what to do. Nick: No, no, no, no. Troy: This is how it has to be. Nick: No.

[Madison enters and sees who she thinks is Nick in bed.] Madison: How’s Luciana? Troy: Oh, still alive. I liked your speech. I liked how you said his name. Travis. It makes him matter. Makes him real. Madison: He was real. Troy: That’s not why you said it, though. It wasn’t out of grief. It was pointed. You wanted to remind us that you’re a victim, too. Madison: You feel like a victim? Troy: Are you analyzing me now? Madison: No. Troy: What did you do in the old world? Madison: Guidance counselor. Troy: At a high school? [Madison nods] Oh. I never attended. “Certain social aspects of academia proved challenging for Troy.” Madison: You must have been lonely. Troy: No, no. No, I, uh I had this place. Everything that I do is in service to this place. Madison: Does your father believe that? Troy: Yeah, he understands. You know, complicated problems call for complicated solutions. Madison: Killing people’s not complicated. It’s simple. Troy: Do you see? You understand this world. You understand me. That’s why I picked you. But I didn’t – I didn’t pick Nick. Madison: He comes with me. Package deal. Troy: Why were you separated? Why was he with strangers and not his family? He doesn’t deserve his place here. I think you know it. Madison: He’ll earn it. [referring to the bed] That was made this morning, Troy.

Jake: Stay away from Madison and her family. Troy: They’re my friends. Jake: They came here under my invite. They trust me. Troy: They came here not to get eaten. I wouldn’t flatter yourself. Jake: Yeah, but they’re staying ’cause I said I’d protect them from you. Troy: And how are you going to do that? Jake: Please don’t do this. Troy, please. I’m the one that still believes in you. Troy: Well, I don’t need you to anymore. Jake: Yeah, you do. You do. If the ranch knew what you really are- Troy: And what am I, Jake? Jake: Do you really think that you were helping those people out at the depot? Troy: I think I was helping all of us. Jake: Troy when Dad’s gone, this is all on us. We have to take care of this place. We have to lead – Together. Troy: Together. Jake: Yeah. But I need you to do something for me. I need you to stay away from the Clarks. Do you hear me? Troy: Yep. I hear you. Jake: Do you mean it? Troy: I always mean it, Jake.

Troy: The ground’s soft. You could dig a grave real easy. I mean, people would suspect you, but well, they really wouldn’t know for sure. Nick: I wonder how long it’ll take you to turn. Troy: Eighty-seven minutes. Eighty-seven minutes given my weight, BMI, age. You know, if you do do it, you should time it. Journal’s in my pocket. Nick: You are not a scientist. Troy: Time it. Nick, please. Nick: What is wrong with you? Troy: Newton stabbed his own eye to understand the nature of light. I just – I need to know. I need to know why we spoil.

Troy: Cooper, are you seeing what I’m seeing? We got a party to attend! Cooper: It’s out of our way, Troy. We need to get to the Huey and back. Over. Troy: No, no, no, we leave them, they could migrate up the highway toward the ranch. We can’t risk that. Cooper: Not on our to-do list. We’re on a clock, man. Madison: I’m with you. Troy: We’re not making this someone else’s problem, Cooper. We’ll be in and out in five minutes. That’s it. Oh, no, no, no. No guns. It’s too much noise. Not enough sport.

[after he, his men, and Madison take out a horde] Troy: Oh, it’s a beautiful thing. It’s a beautiful, beautiful thing. Who timed that? Man: It was just under a minute. Troy: Eh, it’s good work. Short work.

Troy: You ready for what comes next? It’s gonna be living, not dead. Whoa, you’re gonna need more fight in you than that. Madison: I’ll have fight. Don’t worry. Troy: You sure? Madison: Seeing where it happened was harder than I thought. Troy: Oh, you need to let that go. There’s no room for grief. Madison: If it was your father, you wouldn’t mourn him? Troy: Big Otto is immortal. Madison: And you didn’t grieve for your mother? Troy: Nah, if someone is dead, they’re dead, you know? There’s no point dwelling. All you can do is take out the assholes who did you wrong. Madison: Eye for an eye. Troy: Ah, a tooth for a tooth, amen. Madison: It’s just a game to you. Troy: No, it’s not a game. It’s my calling.

Madison: Your men are tired. Troy: Yeah, well, newsflash so am I. Listen, Walker and those assholes will make it back before us if we don’t move double time. You want that visited on your family? Huh? You really think Nick can handle something like that? Madison: We’re not gonna make it back. Troy: You’re overstepping, Madison. Mike, will you pick your ass up? Just wrap your foot and hoof it. Come on, let’s go. Madison: You want them to follow you out of fear or respect? Troy: What did you just say to me? Madison: Being a leader is knowing when to stop. Troy: Okay. Okay. Come here. This is my mission and these are my men. Madison: Yours or your father’s? Would he back this play? Troy: Who do you think you’re talking to? I’m not your son. Madison: But you have such a strange fixation on him. You wanna be a mama’s boy, Troy? Was your mother too cruel for that? Troy: Shut up. Madison: She hated you, didn’t she? Troy: Shut up. Shut up. Madison: Even in the end, when you cared for her and bathed her, she still didn’t love you, did she? Who says we should rest up? Troy: I’m the only one who knows the way back. So you better pick your asses up at first light because I will leave you. I’ll leave you all for the wasted.

Mike: They’re dead. They’re all dead. Troy: Mike, lock your shit down. Lock it down. Mike: They’re dead. And we’re gonna die, too, if we don’t leave! Troy: Shut up! Man: Is that true? Mike: If we stay, we- Troy: Mike, shut the hell up. Mike: If we stay, we die!

Troy: No, no, no, we go after them. Now. We hit them back. Jeremiah: So you can stroll into another ambush, Colonel Custer?

Madison: I was worried you might do something rash. Troy: To my family? No, no. Never. Madison: Can’t blame my worry. Troy: No. All I’ve ever had in my – my whole life is this – this place and these people, and I don’t know, it just I don’t understand, you know. Like, the world out there, it’s, uh – it’s burned. Madison: They wanted to see for themselves. Troy: Anyone who leaves is dead to me. Now, Mike, he was – he was soft, but he was – he’s been my friend since I was a kid. He stayed in school when I got – I got pulled. But he never quit on me. Never. Even when others did. Madison: He didn’t quit on you, Troy. He just stood by his family. Troy: He wouldn’t look at me. He just… Hard to know how to react to something like that. Madison: You make sure no one else leaves. Save them from the same mistake. I’ll help you.

Troy: I didn’t go out there to do that, I swear. I – He owed me. He had to look me directly in the eye. He had to say it to my face, say it like Vernon said it to my father. He owed me that. Madison: He didn’t want to do that, did he? Troy: He said some things, and I did some things. Then it went bad. Not what you want to hear, is it? Madison: You could run this place, Troy, but not if you let things break like that. Last night you had command. I saw that. Your militia saw that, and they responded. Your brother doesn’t have what you have. He’s not of this place. You’re the survivor. You’re the heir. So, no, the last thing I want to hear is how you lost control. That can’t happen. I don’t care how you did it. I don’t care why you did it. All I care about is that you can control it. There’s a fight coming, and you have to save us. Can you? Troy: Yes, ma’am.

Troy Otto (Fear the Walking Dead): ISTP was originally published on MBTI Zone

#Fear the Walking Dead #FtWD #Troy Otto #ISTP #mbti #mbti types #mbti personality types #fictionalcharactermbti #fictionmbti #tv mbti #enneagram #enneatypes #enneagram type #Type 8 #enneagram 8 #8w7 5w6 2w3 #So/Sx

[twilightprince102-blog]

Some Moral Support

Summary: A “Sing!” (2016) AU in which Meena has a friend that supports her along in her journey. But at what point does it turn into too much?

Chapter Seven: Frustration

In which anger is lashed out and self-reflection is made.

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Going home after the first day of rehearsals was not the most relaxing experience for Meena. After Jude’s argument with Mike, the two had dedicated the rest of the day to try and perfect the song. Meena tried to mix up her singing style each time she sang “Beautiful”, and Jude kept giving constructive criticism where it was due. Sometimes she tried to sing like the original artist, but it seemed a little too bland for her taste. Then Jude suggested adding Meena’s personal flair to the song, but then it just sounded like she was trying too hard. At the end of the day, Meena’s eyes were heavy. She had memorized the lyrics, but still did not know how to sing it. She was ready to lie down in her bed and let her pillow take her away. But as the bus rounded the corner to her street, the two friends quickly saw that dream fade away.

Apparently Meena’s grandmother had decided her granddaughter deserved another celebration for getting into the show. However, instead of simply baking another batch of her delectable sweets or inviting one or two of her school friends to join, she went above and beyond and invited the entire neighborhood to join in the festivities! Meena covered her face and tried to sink down into her seat and let the bus pass by their stop, trying to avoid the oncoming commotion. Jude considered that they sleep on the bus that night, but it was already too late. Her family saw the two through the windows and gathered everyone to the door. So the two stepped off of their quiet shelter and into the crowd.

“Hey, at least they brought the good pizza!” Jude remarked, munching away on their breakfast. Meena almost didn’t hear her friend, as they kept nodding off as the bus rode on. The night before was the complete opposite of what she had wanted to come home to: quiet. Instead, she was surrounded by relatives, friends, and friends of the parents who assaulted her with questions and pictures. The quiet she had hoped for was replaced with constant chatting and loud music. It took until an hour after midnight for the guests to clear out and give the elephant some well needed rest, giving her barely enough time to do so. Jude meanwhile seemed like they had an entirely different night, as they seemed just as well rested as the days before. They offered a slice of leftover pizza to her friend (all of which was placed in a pouch for the two to eat throughout the day), but Meena had fallen back to sleep. Honoring her unspoken wish, Jude kept quiet.

As the ride went on, more animals boarded the bus to ride to their jobs, just like any other day. But for some unknown reason, it seemed to Jude that almost everyone was extremely noisy that day. Talking loudly on their phones, conversing louder than needed with other passengers, watching things on their phones with the volume blasting; it felt to Jude that everyone was trying to get on their nerves that day! The jaguar looked back at Meena, who was starting to look very annoyed at the lack of silence. Jude knew that they had to stand up for her. When Ash got on the bus with headphones in her ears, blasting rock music so loud that Jude could even hear it, they felt like they had enough. Jude waved Ash’s attention over to them, trying to put on their happy mask.

“Hey, can you turn down the music please? Meena’s trying to sleep.” Jude asked while smiling, accidentally making it look menacing with their fangs. Ash looked down at her popped out ear-bud, slightly confused at the jaguar’s request.

“But I’m wearing headphones, and I can barely hear anything from it this far.” Ash commented. With Ash’s failure to go along with Jude’s simple request, the jaguar tried to hold in their anger and attempted to kindly ask again. Instead, they did the exact opposite.

“I think the loud music could have damaged your hearing since I’m pretty sure you listen to it all the time, so I think you should know that even though you had headphones in, everyone else could still hear the music, so I think it kinda defeats the purpose of wearing headphones, you know? So please turn down the music so I don’t have to ask again, alright?” The jaguar flashed their fangs at the porcupine, signaling that she goes along with their demands or else. Ash put her hands up and scooted backwards on her seat, getting chills from Jude’s icy glare.

“Okay okay! Sheesh, sorry mom.” Ash complained sarcastically. The rocker did what she was asked, then put her earbuds back in at a satisfying level of quiet for everyone else. Jude leaned back in their seat, still annoyed at the remaining noise on the bus. Some animals behind the three, however, had decided to quiet down after seeing the predator’s fierce behavior. It was completely fine by Jude, ‘Any quiet is good quiet.’ Next to them, Meena snored with a slight flick of her trunk, restoring Jude’s mood. But then it went back down again when they heard the familiar sound of three frogs arguing. Jude slowly turned their head, peeking out the window and hoping that it was just their imagination. But to everyone’s disappointment, the frog trio was there and doing the same thing as the past two days.

Jude pressed their hands against their ears, trying to block out the noise. But somehow, mixed in with the other passengers from the back, it was even louder. The jaguar barely even noticed Rosita sitting down in her usual spot, holding one of her many kids. The mother of many looked at the jaguar, seeing the anger in their eyes, and knew that the noise only meant trouble. But before Rosita could reach out and calm down the Jaguar, they snapped and stomped their foot on the middle of the aisle, stopping the frogs in their tracks. The force from Jude’s foot was so strong, that it caused the rest of the bus to shake, making the rest of the passengers stop what they were doing and look at the action that was about to unfold.

One of the frogs who were already angry pointed up to the jaguar, not knowing what they were getting into. But when he saw Jude’s fangs, his knees turned to jelly along with the other two. Having enough of the trio’s constant bickering, Jude flicked out a claw and knelt down to their level, growling so low that one could mistake it for the bus’s engine. The entire bus watched in horror, intrigue and satisfaction as the frog trio started to shiver in fear.

“Listen up you slimy little idiots.” Jude growled deeply at the three, pointing the claw in their direction. “Everyone around you is sick and tired of your constant arguments. Honestly, haha, I don’t even have a clue to how you three are even still together doing this since I’ve only ever seen you three yell at each other instead of actually singing! But don’t worry, I understand that you might not have noticed since all three of you are so DENSE to do so! So listen closely!” The claw crept closer to the trio, causing them to group together.

“I don’t want to hear a PEEP out of you three for the rest of the competition. The only time it will be acceptable for me to hear you three will be if you actually practice for the competition, and if I hear any of you arguing, or people complaining about your arguing ever again, none of you will be able to argue or sing in any other singing competition EVER AGAIN! Now, did that message reach through your dense skulls, or must I give an example of what might happen if you DON’T FOLLOW DIRECTIONS?!” Jude pressed the claw to the supposed leader of the trio, making him go stiff with fear. The frog trio shook their heads as fast as they possible could, hugging each other out of fear for what the jaguar might do to them.

“Good.” Jude retracted their claw and sat up straight again, still glaring daggers at the three while waving them off. “Now run along now. And remember! Not. A. Peep.” The three ran to their seats so fast it seemed like they had rockets for shoes. As they ran out of sight, Jude took a long, deep breath to try and calm down. The rest of the passengers all seemed to go dead quiet after the standoff between predator and prey; possibly too terrified to speak up in fear that the jaguar might go for them next. Said jaguar didn’t seem to care about that, as they were just happy to get some silence for them and their friend. Next to them, Ash, Rosita and her piglet all stared in awe at Jude. For Rosita it was mixed in with horror, for Ash it was satisfaction, and amazement for the piglet. Jude didn’t care about them either, nor did they try to start a conversation with any of them. Jude took a look at Meena, who to their satisfaction, was still sleeping. The jaguar considered their job well done, and soaked in the silence, save for the bus’s engine.

Little did they know that Meena was already awake, waken up from Jude’s stomp from earlier. She had stayed quiet to only observe her friend, and from what she saw, terrified at just how far Jude might go for her.

“Meena, if this is what you want then it’s fine with me!” Jude tried to reassure their friend. They flipped through the DVDs while sitting on the table, trying to find anything that Meena might like. But with each flip Meena felt more and more unsure about her choices. “If you want a different song, we can practice a different song. It’s your choice, not mine.”

“I-I know, I know. But I already know most of the lyrics from the song. Wouldn’t it just be easier to do this one then?” The elephant began to pace back and forth, thinking about what would be better for the competition. The two were just in the middle of practicing when Meena mumbled it to herself as she sang “Beautiful” for the twenty-seventh time. But it came out so suddenly for her, and before she knew it, Jude had already tossed aside the disk for the song. ‘I already know all of the words. So why doesn’t this feel right?’

“But you said yourself that we should try different songs. Plus, it looked to me like you were starting to get sick of that song too.” Jude put down the pile of disks, thinking that all of the songs Meena might like was sorted. “Alright, I think you might like these ones. Don’t worry, I got rid of those teen pop songs, so you don’t have to worry about those.” Finally looking at their friend, Jude saw that she didn’t notice them calling her over. She was still pacing and tugging on her ears, trying to clear her head and make a decision. Jude was concerned for her; they could read her like an open book, and this is the most stressed they’ve ever seen her since high school. So her friend stepped into her pacing path and grabbed her shoulders.

“Meena, listen to me. You choose a song that you like, not one that will help you win. This is a singing competition, so the only way you’ll win is if you’re comfortable with a song. Do a song that you want to do, not one that you feel like you have to do, alright?”

“But”-

“Miss Therna!” The two friends were interrupted by the owner of the theater, who just popped in to check on the two. Since he showed up, he had no idea what the two were doing. Looking as chipper as ever in his suit, he gestured to the door. “You ready to start your stagehand training?”

“Oh, just Jude is alright. And, uh,  just a sec.” Jude turned back to their friend, who was still feeling unsure about the whole situation. Patting her on the shoulder, Jude put on a genuine smile.

“Listen, I’m going to go practice with Buster. How about you take a break for now and think about what to do? You’ve been singing for almost an hour now anyways, you deserve it.” Before Meena could get a word out, her friend was already leaving with Buster. Pulling herself out of her timid stupor, she tried to call out to them.

“Wait, Jude”-

“Just take a break for now, I’m sure that you’ll figure it out eventually!” They yelled from the hallway. Jude followed the koala through the halls of the theater to their first day of training, leaving Meena alone with her thoughts. Forced into solitude, she sat down and tried to think. She could finally think by herself, but she wasn’t sure if that was the best thing to do. Taking a deep breath, she focused and weighed her options.

On one hand, she practically mastered “Beautiful” by itself. She knew all of the lyrics and she could copy the singing one to one. If Meena stuck with this song, she would have much more time to do other things for the competition, such as picking out the right dress and make up some sort of routine for the show. ‘Jude did say that it would be a while before the actual competition, so I would be all set long before the actual competition.’

But on the other hand, something about this song just didn’t click with her. She may have mastered singing it one to one, but that just didn’t feel right. She couldn’t find the right way to convey it, but she just felt uncomfortable singing this just to sing it. A part of her wanted to try something new, but another made her feel obligated to stick with this song. The two thoughts clashed in her head until eventually, Meena flopped down and lied on her back, letting out a frustrated groan. She was absolutely lost.

She stared up at the ceiling, unmoving. A mix of various different music genres filled her ears, similar to the party from last night. Ash’s rock music mixed in with Pete’s opera singing, which didn’t mix well together along with Johnny’s piano upstairs. She suddenly felt tired again, but not exactly sleepy. It was after listening to the music mix of everything and thinking about her own frustration, she asked herself. ‘Why am I doing this?’

It seemed like it would be fun at first. She made new friends on her first day, she got to spend time with her old friend, and even got to do what she loved to do the most: sing! Sure, the tryouts were not the best, but she was sure that it would only get better from there now that Jude was at her side, promising that they wouldn’t do anything brash. But here she was three days later, wondering if this is really what she wanted or what somebody else wanted.

She thought about how she got into the competition in the first place. Jude showed up out of nowhere bringing the flyer so suddenly, her parents encouraging her to bring Jude along and her friend saying that they would support her. But she already knew that she was scared of crowds and people staring at her, and so did her parents. ‘I knew that everyone who has a TV would watch me on stage, and that I would just freeze up with people staring at me. So why did I decide to do it then of all times?’ Then the answer came to her.

It was Jude.

This was the first time ever since their High School graduation that they got to be together. It was like this ever since Freshman year. Meena saw them in class, but was never able to really see them. When they were paired in classes, they were always intent on trying to focus on work 100% and go for extra credit, never wanting to focus on the latest gossip of the school or talking. When they had lunch together, they could never sit together since her friend was working with the lunch-ladies. When they passed in the hall, Jude wasn’t even able to say hi to her. Their attitude changed completely seemingly overnight from the typical laid back attitude they had, to a student devoted to their studies and nothing else. She felt like her childhood friend was avoiding her, and it killed her not knowing why.

It was even worse outside of school. Whenever Meena tried to get together with Jude, they always said that they were busy. They were always busy no matter what day of the week it was, and no matter what holiday it could have been. But what was really strange was that sometimes, when her family all went out together, Jude seemed to be working everywhere. One day she saw them working at a movie theater, and the next Jude would be working at the local library, then the next day it would be at an ice cream shop! Sometimes Meena asked when they get off work so they could chat, even for a minute. But still, they only gave excuses.

“Gotta save up for college!” They said when they were found at a new job. “Saving up for student loans, you know?” Jude said when asked why they have so many different jobs. “Sorry, maybe some other time.” Jude said every single time they turned Meena down to catch up on life. It seemed exhausting to the elephant at how many jobs Jude had at once. She was worried not only that Jude could be overworking themself, but also that she might not ever meet with them ever again.

Jude showing up out of nowhere with the flyer was the first time in years she saw Jude outside of work. This competition was their first chance since high school they could talk together and hang out like old times. They got to sleep over, catch up on each others’ lives (even though it was mostly Meena doing that), and most of all, Meena got to see Jude give a genuine smile for the first time in years. It gave her a chance to be together with them, and that was what she had wished to happen for so long. ‘So I guess I did all of this, for them?’ she questioned herself.

‘...maybe I should go for a walk.’ she decided after pondering on that question for over a minute.

The elephant lifted herself up off of the floor and grabbed her phone from the table, checking it to try and distract herself for a moment before she headed out. Along with three missed calls, there were a couple texts from her mother. She opened up the messages and checked out what her mom had said.

“Hi sweetie! I hope you two aren’t too tired over there from the party last night. We’re sorry that you had to stay up late for everybody. So to make up for it, I got you a pretty dress that you can wear for the competition! I don’t want to give it away since I want to keep it a surprise, but I’ll just say this: it was my old prom dress! Can’t wait to see you tonight, love you! -Mom”

A tiny alarm went off in Meena’s head when she read the words “prom dress.” She had heard her mother talk about that dress before, several times. She said “I bought it last minute for prom on the day of the dance, trying to find something pretty enough to go dancing with your father. Then when I saw that dress, I KNEW that it was the one and bought it on the spot! I didn’t even bother to check the price tag or try it on in a fitting room, I just knew it was the one! So then when I walked into the hall and everyone saw me, they stopped dead in their tracks! Men, women, prey, predator, it didn’t matter who saw me, ALL of their jaws dropped for me!” Meena was worried that it might be too flashy and/or revealing for her taste, but she would just have to wait home to find out.

She texted her mom back, trying to sound polite.

“Thanks mom, I can’t wait to see it! And don’t worry, we were both well rested before we got here! Everything’s all good, I’ll see you tonight! Love you!”

Then stuffing her phone in her pants pocket, she walked out into the halls of the theater, hoping that she would be able to find a way to clear her head and make a decision on what to do for her song choice. However, the prom dress and thoughts of Jude didn’t exactly help the process.

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