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#sorry i’ve just been thinking about this forever
bunnypeew · 1 day
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my sweetheart- Cooper x Fem!reader
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okay so i’ve wanted to write a one shot of The Ghoul cuz he’s so funky I love him!!!! so this is an attempt to writing something that isn’t hazbin hotel heheheh :3c
the surface was something else, and for a vaultie like her it was terrible but she’ve been out and about for at least a decade now so she knew her way around. She had her fair share of partners sure, but finally after years she found the one, the perfect person for her. Coop was a ghoul, a pre war one too and for those 200 years he hadn’t found anyone after Barb, no one at all, but something about her changed his heart forever.
they met during a bounty hunt, long before the Wilzig one,, and they just so happened to bump into each other in Filly, it was definitely not normal to see a ghoul there so she got curious, she said sorry for bumping into him, tucking her hair behind her ear out of slight embarrassment
''Don't worry, I'm not gonna crumble after a slight push,,
he says smirking, lit cigarette in between his lips, takes a puff and looks back at her
''say do you by any chance know where I can find this fella here?,,
he says showing a drawing, of what seems to be a wanted poster, she looks at it carefully only to not recognise the guy and biting the top of her finger looking at the ghoul
“sadly no, but i can help you find him! i’ve had a few bounty hunts in my time,,
she says, kinda proud of herself since she hadn’t been doing that for long, and she thought she was pretty good at it
the ghoul looked her up and down, not in a rude way but it was the fact she was still wearing her vault suit, after years of not being in a vault she was still to attached to it and couldn’t take it off, of course she tweaked it a little bit with patches where holes where and some armour on top so it wasn’t in its original state
“sorry sweetheart but i don’t think a vaultie like you would ever take on of my bounties,,
she seemed a bit taken aback by his sentence but tried not to show it, she strikes a bit of a pose, hand on her hip and the other one takes the poster from his hand, gently of course
“well, try me!,,
the ghoul smirks again, taking a last puff from his cigarette then making it fall on the ground and stomping it with his boots
“sure thing,,
that was the day they met,, and since then they’ve been inseparable.
now in the present they would take bounties together all the time, but now was one of those days where they stayed home, they got a little cottage in the middle of nowhere, near enough vegetation to grow their crops
they were relaxing on their bed, she was playing on her pipboy while he was reading a book, suddenly he plops down his book and looks at her being concentrated on her game, he starts kissing the back of her head with soft little pecks making her shiver a bit but still playing the game
“hun get off your pip boy and come cuddle with me for a lil, huh?,,
he says now kissing her neck, so she decided to turn off the pipboy and give her man attention.
she turns around and gets under his arm cuddling in, then looks him in the eyes
“how lucky i am to have you Coop,,
he chuckled and looked at her kissing her nose
“I think it’s the other way around my sweetheart,,
this is a short one!! but i like it!! WE LOVE THE GHOUL RAAAAAH
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danikamariewrites · 2 hours
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She Belongs To Me
Mob!Azriel x reader AU
A/n: sorry it’s been forever since I added to this little series. I think this is my favorite story I’ve written for mob!Az so far and I’m really proud of how it turned out!
Warnings: possessive Az, uncomfortable interactions with a man
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Twirling once more in front of the floor length mirror you smile, your signature mini black dress hugging every curve perfectly. You pull your lipstick from your mini purse to touch up the darker shade that paints your lips. You decided to go with a clean simple look for the night. You were probably going to sweat it all off later anyway, but you still wanted to look cute for Az.
You were finally going to the club in Velaris Azriel just bought ownership in with Eris Vanserra. A new business deal between the two families. If you had tried to go to this place with Feyre and Mor before you started dating Az you would’ve been turned away at the door, but tonight you’re V.I.P’s. Not that you three ever cared about that stuff before. Just one of the few perks you get.
Azriel exited the lengthy walk-in closet you now share, sliding his usual black suit jacket on. The top buttons of his crisp white shirt undone, showing off his swirling tattoos. Popping your lips and capping the lipstick you turn to face Az, giving him a small smile. He returned your look with a smirk that conveyed his admiration and want for you.
Striding over to you Azriel holds your chin between his beautifully scarred fingers. His eyes dart over your face as they always do. Like he’s committing every part of you to his memory. “Breathtaking. You look breathtakingly beautiful as always, my love.” Azriel says softly. You smile brightly at him. Taking his other hand in yours you give it a loving squeeze. Running your thumb over the ridges of his scars.
“You look breathtakingly handsome as well, baby.” Azriel smiled bashfully, dipping his head to prevent you from seeing his obvious blush. Resting a hand against his strong chest, pushing up on your tiptoes you press a kiss to his freshly shaven jaw. You hold your lips against his skin longer than you normally would, taking in his scent and the feel of his soft skin.
Pulling away you make sure to check that you left behind a lipstick stain. Marking him as yours as he’s done for you on a o many nights. Azriel’s smile hasn’t left his lips, the want gone from his eyes and replaced with pure, unfiltered love. Without hesitating he grabs your hand, intertwining your fingers. “Let’s go,” his voice airy as he pulls you out of the bedroom.
Entering the club you couldn’t help but be in awe of it. The place was nothing like the shitty college bars the three of you went to. The music was appropriately loud, a V.I.P section, a bar stocked with expensive liquor bottles with names you’ve never even heard of before. The lighting perfectly dim, bright enough to navigate your way through the crowd.
Azriel pulls you towards the V.I.P section. Climbing the platform you spot Mor and Feyre with Rhys already enjoying bottle service and a comically large plate of nachos. You notice Rhys giving Azriel a tight lipped look, like he’s not happy to give Azriel the news he’s about to deliver. Azriel slips his hand from yours, kissing your temple. “Go sit love, I’ll be right there.” He whispers.
Without another thought you throw yourself onto the booth between your friends. You start a mindless conversation, Feyre bitching and making fun of how Gavin has been acting since you left. Cassian joins you, coming in from parking the car. Feyre eyes his muscular figure. You know she’s been taken with Cass since the day he picked you up for your first date with Az. And you’ve been trying to push them together for months now, tired of the obvious flirting.
“Hello ladies,” he says seductively, “where are my brothers?” He asks, taking Feyre’s glass from her to take a swig of her drink. She lets out a dramatic gasp, reaching for her drink back. “Over there,” she giggles as Cass pokes at her.
The four of you look over to find the two having an animated conversation. You could tell Azriel was tense from the way he kept rolling his neck. Az made his way over to you, pressing a kiss to your cheek, whispering, “I need to take care of some business with Eris. I’ll be back before you know it.” When he pulls back you give him a small smile and nod. He turns and Rhys follows. Cassian gives him a nod, knowing what his duties are while Azriel is away.
Cassian stood, hands clasped in front of him with that stoic ‘don’t you dare fuck with me look’. The fun, carefree boy gone. You loved pushing Cass and Rhys’s buttons when they’re acting as your bodyguards. Hiding from them in department stores, pretending to run from them. Tonight, however, was not the night for your shenanigans. Cass would never risk the girls and neither would you.
For a little over half an hour you, Mor, and Feyre enjoyed drinks and endless nachos and chicken fingers. Cassian, with his hawk like gaze, notices you looking for your waitress. “What do you want?” He asks, holding his hand out to keep you seated. You smile at his overprotective nature. “Just another drink,” you shake your empty glass at him, clinking the ice.
”I’ll get it for you.” Cassian says, desperate for you to stay put. You give him an exasperated look, “I’m a big girl, Cass. I can get it.” Before he can protest you head over to the bar for the V.I.P section.
Ordering your drink you check the time on your phone. It’s been almost an hour. Eris has never dragged a meeting on this long, even if it was urgent. Letting out a sigh you lean on the bar, tapping your manicured nails on beat with the music pulsing through the club.
A throat clearing sounds next to you, making your shoulders tense like Azriel’s when he receives unpleasant news. With lowered brows you turn to face the source of the grating noise. A man, of course, in a wrinkled button up shirt and dress pants that clearly aren’t tailored. His proximity and scent of his cologne making your nose wrinkle.
“Can I help you?” Your voice flat and uninterested. The man smirked as he leaned on the bar next to you. “Just thought I’d come say hi. I saw you with your pretty friends over there, maybe you’d like to join us.” He gestures to a booth behind yours. No drinks, so they must’ve just arrived. Being with Azriel has taught you be very perceptive of people and your surroundings. Not that your boyfriend was paranoid, he just wanted you to be able to spot danger.
You roll your eyes you look back at the man in front of you. “No thanks.” You say curtly, no longer interested in entertaining this man's delusions.
His eyes roam over your body, one of his brows rising as he smirks. The look made you want to vomit on his cheap shoes. “Come on now sweetheart,” he brushes a finger down your cheek and you quickly take two steps back, his touch slimy and foreign. His demeanor changes quickly, anger flashing across his face as he steps toward you. No must be a word he never hears, whether that be his selective hearing or not.
Out of the corner of your eye a dark mass moves with lightning speed. Gripping the man's arm Azriel twists and pins him to the sleek wooden bar. The man lets out a whimper of pain. Pathetic.
“Do you know who I am?” He growled. “Answer me,” Azriel said with more aggression, shoving the man further into the bar. “Yes,” his voice barely above a whisper thanks to how squished his face is.
“Then you know I protect what’s mine. If I ever see you in my club again you will regret it. Get out.” Azriel let go and Rhys swooped in, guiding the man and his friends to the exit before a fight could break out.
You fling yourself into Azriel’s arms, shaken by what just happened and the what ifs had Azriel not shown up. He ran a gentle hand up and down your spine, holding you tightly to his body. “It’s alright, my love. I’ve got you, I’ve got you.” He coos. Taking a deep inhale of his comforting, warm scent you look up at him.
“Are you alright?” He asks, worry clouding his warm hazel eyes as he takes you in. Searching his memory of you from earlier that night to make sure nothing was out of place. “I’m ok. My dark knight came to the rescue.” A genuine smile pulling at your lips as your fear melts away. The comfort of Azriel’s familiar touch washing away the memory of the unnamed man.
“Do you want to go home? I can have Cass bring the car-’’ You press your finger to his lips to stop him. “Absolutely not. I haven’t danced with you yet and we’re having fun. I’m not going to let some asshole ruin what’s supposed to be a celebration tonight.” The guilt for not being glued to your side hasn’t left Azriel’s face yet. “I promise my dear, I am fine.”
Azriel finally relaxed, pressing his forehead against yours. “I’m sorry Eris kept me for so long. I’m yours for the rest of the night, I swear it, my love.” Azriel slowly kisses you. Wrapping his arm around you Az leads you back to the booth.
Sitting, he pulls you on to his lap, trapping you with his arms as he kisses and bites at your jawline. Making sure he’s marked you appropriately, the twin to your still vibrant lipstick stain decorating his tan skin.
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fanficshiddles · 2 days
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The Redbridge Hunts, Chapter 53 (Final Chapter)
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It was the day of Loki’s birthday and his party.
Loki was woken up, not so rudely, to Claire under the blanket giving him a blowjob. She then gave him his other presents, even though he joked that was more than enough.
She’d gifted him a scarf, a new briefcase for work. He’d been going on about wanting new knives in the kitchen for cooking, so she got him a brand-new set that was quite expensive.
His favourite present from her though was a history book he’d been looking for, there was only fifty made in the world and he’d been trying to get it for years. It even had a letter of authenticity along with it.
‘How…’ He was speechless and just kept staring at the book in shock.
‘I had a lot of help.’ Was all Claire said.
‘I am forever in your debt for this.’ Loki said as he grabbed her in a big bear hug, making her laugh.
‘Says the guy who got me a bloody car! A book doesn’t compare.’
‘It so does. You have no idea what I was prepared to do or sell for this book.’ Loki said seriously.
‘I dread to think, so I’m not going to ask.’ Claire dismissed and rushed to the kitchen.
She came back ten seconds later with breakfast she had prepared for him, but he was nose deep in the book already. Even placing the food down right by him didn’t get his interest.
In the end, she had to pluck the book out of his hands to get him to focus.
‘Sorry, darling.’ He chuckled.
‘I’m glad you’re so excited about your present.’ Claire laughed.
‘I'll try and leave it till tomorrow.’ He said, though did glance longingly at the book on the table.
‘I’m sure I could leave you alone for a few hours upstairs while I prep down here for the party.’ She teased as she sat down next to him.
‘No, I’ll help.’ Loki said as they began to eat.
‘You will not! You’re not preparing your own party. I’ve got Jessica and Louise coming to help.’
‘Oh?’ Loki raised an eyebrow.
‘Yeah. I figured it would be good getting Louise over early, so she can at least meet Jessica first. Then when people start to trickle in it might be easier for her. She hasn’t been in a room with more than like three people for years. I’m not sure how her confidence will be.’
‘Ah, of course. That’s a good idea. Let her know she can go upstairs whenever she needs, if she wants some time to herself at any point.’ Loki said.
‘I will.’ Claire nodded.
When Jessica and Louise arrived just after lunch time, Claire shooed Loki upstairs with his book. Which he didn’t put up much of an argument over.
Jessica and Louise instantly clicked, which Claire was so glad of. She had a feeling they would though. The three of them had a good time setting everything up for the party, including a few glasses of wine of course.
When people began arriving for the party, it wasn’t long before music was turned up and drinks began flowing. Claire had managed to get Loki downstairs without much of a fuss, especially when she teased him with the fact she wasn’t wearing knickers under her dress, then coaxed him downstairs.
When Matt arrived, Louise was speaking to Loki. Claire took Matt straight over to introduce her to him.
‘Matt, this is my sister, Louise. Louise, this is Matt.’ Claire grinned and motioned to Louise.
‘Hi, nice to meet you.’ Louise said with a smile.
She was nervous being around people she didn’t know, but she knew she was safe with Claire and of course with Loki. Meeting everyone as they arrived was easier than walking in to a bunch of people already there.
‘Nice to meet you too.’ Matt put his hand out towards her.
She hesitated, but then eventually did put her hand into his to shake hands, though it was a very quick hand shake before she retracted her hand. Loki internally cursed at himself for not pre warning Matt that she might be a little unsure around him at first.
Claire introduced her to all the others as they arrived too. So it wouldn’t seem obvious she was trying to hook them up. Though she did make sure they ended up back by Matt, so they could talk.
‘Remember, if you need space just say. You can go upstairs.’ Claire whispered to Louise.
‘I know, thank you. I’m fine, honestly. I know I’m safe with you guys. And everyone seems really nice.’ Louise assured her.
Louise, Claire, Loki, Matt and Spencer were together talking casually, when Louise became distracted looking over Claire’s shoulder. Claire saw her eyes widen.
‘Who is that?’ She asked in a little awe.
Loki and Claire turned around to see Chris entering, heading right their way.
‘Ah… That’s Chris, Loki’s brother.’ Claire told her.
Chris was halfway across the room towards them, but his eyes were locked on Louise, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. As he drew closer, Loki saw his nostrils flaring as he took in her scent.
‘Chris, this is my sister, Louise. Louise, this is Chris.’ Claire quickly introduced, though she wasn’t sure if he heard her or not because he was so focused on Louise.
Louise’s cheeks turned red as Chris stood on front of her, looking completely in wonder, Loki had never seen him look at someone like that before.
‘It’s lovely to meet you.’ Chris eventually spoke, his voice low and smooth.
‘Lovely to meet you, too.’ Louise squeaked out, she put her hand out towards him straight away without hesitation.
Chris took her hand in his and felt electricity shoot through his veins. He slowly lifted her hand and dipped his head down to kiss the back of her hand when she didn’t pull away.
Louise couldn’t take her eyes off of him, Loki sensed her heartbeat spike, but not in fear. He also sensed Chris’ heartbeat spike too. He looked at Claire and she looked at him, both sharing the same look.
‘Brother, I need a quick word.’ Loki said as he put his hand on Chris’ shoulder.
Chris only just managed to tear his eyes away from Louise to glance at Loki, Loki motioned towards the kitchen with his head. Chris reluctantly agreed and let go of Louise’s hand.
Louise’s skin was tingling where he had kissed her.
Loki dragged Chris into the kitchen and shut the door so they could have a little bit of privacy.
‘Please tell me what I think is happening, is not happening.’ Loki whined.
‘She… She’s my soulmate! I can feel it.’ Chris said breathless, unable to get his mind to work properly.
Claire entered the kitchen and shut the door behind her, to see Chris looking like he’d just found gold and Loki with his face in his hands.
‘Is she your soulmate?’ Claire squeaked.
‘This is not happening.’ Loki said firmly. ‘Not Louise! Anyone but her!’ He groaned.
‘She’s beautiful.’ Chris said, his voice was a little high, like he was in a trance.
‘To be honest, you are totally her type. Tall, dark, handsome, tattooed. Plus being a vampire… Heck, I’m surprised she hasn’t spread her legs for you already.’ Claire teased with a laugh.
‘We are trying to hook her up with Matt! Not whore her out to my brother!’ Loki argued.
‘Not going to happen.’ Chris growled low and turned to head back through to the living room.
‘Oh no… no, no, no!’ Loki chanted in a panic and darted after him.
Claire, however, had a huge smile on her face and she felt fuzzy in her heart for Louise and Chris.
Perhaps her match-making hadn’t worked out exactly as planned, but it seemed that her sister was getting a match anyway.
‘Oooo, we could double date!’ Claire said excitedly to herself as she rushed after them.
-
NOTE: There is a sequel! There's so SO much more to go with these guys. Instead of making it a super long fic, I thought a sequel would be better, which will become apparent why when I post the first chapter next week.
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a-sketchy · 5 months
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Cup of China 2023 - Adam Siao Him Fa and Shoma Uno during the men’s victory ceremony
#this photo is everything to me I want to frame it put it on my wall stare at it forever#i’ve been lowkey hoping for something like this the whole off season watching adam’s ig and following him posting about his training#I love this boy and I love that he’s the kind of person who keeps quiet and works hard to get what he wants (like shoma)#and I do love his skating - his two programs were my favorite last season after shoma’s#but he really clicked for me at worlds on that first monday of practice (ik I will never shut up about this sorry)#was it the last group of men? it was pretty late and adam went in the group after shoma#and I was already shaky after seeing shoma practice with my very eyes#the way shoma practices is really like a machine - relentless and single-minded and unstoppable#and that night he was really hitting it (and popping a lot of jumps but he was still not holding back)#I think it was the night shoma did more jumping passes than the rest of the other men put together#and then adam’s group came out#and I ended up being unable to look away from adam because I saw much of the same qualities in him#and it went through my mind that of all the guys I’d seen there he was the one that reminded me the most of shoma#(lol it’s always shoma in the end isn’t it)#(and I love that shoma had already recognized his qualities too)#(I was so devastated when worlds went the way they did for adam sdghjkk)#but last season he still didn’t have what it took to fight at the same level with the guys at the top - or the consistency#that’s why this win feels so precious and meaningful#adam kept it together and delivered once more - it wasn’t just another one-time win in france#and to do it like that! tired from back to back assignments jetlagged and with boot issues!! On bad ice!!!#he knew that if shoma went clean it would have been hard or impossible for him to win#but he went for it with all he had and fought hard - i teared up towards the end because I was so worried he’d let his sp mistake get to hi#can’t wait for gpf but no matter how adam does there I’m so proud of him 😭#this was hard for me to watch because I also wanted shoma to win but I think Adam needed it more and it ended up being a deserved win#and I think it will motivate shoma for nhk and I’m so here for it! or literally: will be so there for it afsghjjfghgdh aaaaaaaaahhh#adam siao him fa#shoma uno
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quibbs126 · 3 months
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Yesterday in my Engineering class, we were going over sig figs just as a refresher and one of the numbers put was 2027, which the teacher said was just a fun little thing, and I eventually realized that why is because the graduation year for the people in that class is supposed to be 2027
My graduation year was supposed to be 2026
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figuerockfaeth · 1 month
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I NEED TO MOVE OUT NOOWWWWWWW
#i woke up at 3 pm bc this was my 1st day ‘off’ in forever#and when i went to grab something to eat our back door was fully open and my car was nowhere to be found#cat*#so i freaked out and started looking outside but when i realized she wasn’t there and my roommate also wasn’t recently outside#i knocked on her bedroom door and she was like ‘oh sorry i was asleep do you want me to help look’#YES i want you to help look what are you talking about#eventually i found her bc my cat is the best girl in the world and never left our yard- she was in the crawl space under the house#but not only am i pissed she let my car out then took a nap#but we don’t live in the safest city in the world and while we were both sleeping our door was fully 90 degrees open#so now not only do i feel like kevin (cat) isn’t safe here but I don’t feel safe sleeping here anymore#the lease is up in july and i finally get to leave#this girl is a random roommate my former roommate found to replace her#and the whole process/experience has been awful#i just have to survive 4 months#during the summer i might keep paying rent but fully leave and go live with family#bc my school isn’t in driving distance of any of my family#now i’m thinking about asking someone if they’ll take kevin for a couple months bc im so sorry about her#but my dad has a dog that doesn’t love cats and my best friend is allergic and my mom lives in another state#personal#delete later#also this is unrelated BUT every weekend without fail she does laundry at an insane time in the morning#and our washing machine is the loudest washing machine i’ve EVER heard#and of course it’s right against the wall of my room#not hers#i only get two days a week to sleep past 630 am and she almost always ruins it
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seventh-district · 1 month
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i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)
#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw vent#cw vent post#cw health#cw heart#i’m so stressed :) i am soooo fucking stressed and my body is Suffering because of it#i want to just lay here and stare at the ceiling but. maybe a little venting will help#sighhhh wish [N]MbD Sun were here to obsessively fret over me#he can be mean about it idc. at least i’d have someone acknowledging how bad things are for me#sometimes i wonder when the last time was that my body Wasn’t in fight or flight to some degree#have i Ever actually relaxed#hhhhhhh c-ptsd is a bitch#anyways there’s so much to vent about but i’m. doing my best to be vague. i need to be more vague about things#a lot of stuff i can’t vent about anyways. it’s too personal#so instead i’m gonna complain abt how i haven’t been able to play Genshin or Star Rail for nearly a month now#and about how slowly my back is recovering. it’s like every time i re-injure/have a flare up. it heals.. worse. slower and lesser#i dunno how it’s ever gonna get better. truly better. maybe i’ll live with this forever#if being fat is the problem which is definitely partly is. then yeah i’m fucked#all of my problems just make each other worse and i don’t know where the way out of it all is#every time i think i’ve found it i’m wrong and i just make it all worse#anyways as soon as i figure out how to strengthen my core without breaking my back. it’s over for u bitches#‘u bitches’ being uh. all of the shit that needs doing that i cannot physically fucking do right now#i miss being able to sit down. and i’m Regretting de-converting my standing desk back to sitting bc now. i cannot use my PC#which means i can’t fucking do a some of my work or play my silly little gacha games and i’m mad abt it#i’m mad abt a lot more serious things too but again. can’t talk abt it so i’m gonna focus on trivial shit instead#anyways. sorry as always to everyone i haven’t spoken with lately. and in general. i’m so drained from the Everything that i just. can’t.#it shouldn’t be this hard for me to stay in touch w ppl but. it is. guess i’ll add that onto my list of things to be stressed about#i’m so tired of everything man. and i hate being so negative and mean when im stressed & in pain. makes me feel like im becoming my father
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bo0zey · 1 year
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anyone else ever get in those silly goofy moods where u just hate urself sooo much that u instantly feel physically almost violently ill just thinking abt urself and also even tho u worked a 12hr shift w no breaks or water running off of the 2 cups of coffee u had for breakfast 20 hours ago, the thought of eating instantly sends bouts of nausea coursing thru ur soul while churning in ur stomach bc ur brain hates u so much that its convinced ur body that u don’t deserve sustenance or anything else that’s life sustaining or promotes ur physical well being because u subconsciously convinced urself that ur such a shit excuse for a human being that u neither deserve nor have any right to anything regarding maslow’s hierarchy of needs bc u r such an awful thing u deserve to be neglected n treated like the nonliving object ur own brain sees ur living body as or am i just mentally ill lol
#laying in bed everytime i think abt myself i feel literally nauseated n like it’s so weird#this feeling comes in waves intermittently just even .01 sec of ‘hm i’m hungry’ FFFFFNOPE HRRGRHFFF VOMITTY#i want to curl up in a ball and die forever i don’t care about me i don’t want to take care of me anymore i’m not even good at it#whyyyyyyyy did i stop taking my meddsssssss i guarantee y’all this is why i’m being such a crybaby on the dash lmaoooo#i have a headache i’m def dehydrated from crying n sniveling n barely drinking any water today while sweating like a mf at work#imma go to bed 🛌 if i don’t wake up i will be soooo pleasantly surprised y’all have no idea FINGERS CROSSED🤞#real talk tho can someone tell me why my body is literally reacting this way for like no real reason#like am i truly that disgusted with myself i make myself nauseous just thinking abt me#ok yeah the answer is yes lol BUT LIKE WHY THATS SUCH A DRAMATIC BODILY RESPONSE TO MY BRAINS DUMBASS THOUGHTS???#ik the body and mind have a super powerful link n the brain influences the body like crazy but like#why this why does my brain literally want me to berate and degrade myself and isolate me and make me cry alone n starve me that’s so mean#i’m not starving btw i’m literally always eating just these past 2 days i’ve been such a fuckup my body won’t let me do anything#i had a chocolate poptart for dinner last night (thurs) n threw myself to bed#i hope i don’t end up hurting myself that would be so lame#i literally don’t have time for that like i am Not doing wound care duty off the clock for my damn self lol#also don’t want to take care of myself so i wouldn’t bandage myself up properly sooo yeah i’m not gonna do anything actually#cleaning ur wounds r super important ok yall ur literally playing god if u don’t do good aftercare snfjfbdj#i can’t believe i’m in this nasty ugly depressive episode i hate this so much i don’t have time for this i hate this cycle#i hate being bipolar 2 n my moods n meds have been so fkcdd up lately that i don’t even have the rlly fun hypomanic episodes anymore#i’ve just been constantly having mixed episodes im unbearable to be around im so sorry for everyone that’s ever spoken to me im insufferable#ok that’s enough im done being dramatic lmao#im gonna give myself a bolus PRN dose of clonnie then i’m going tf to bed#ramblings#shut up cianna
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nazumichi · 6 months
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raii nazumichi suffering moodboard
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lesamis · 1 year
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🐳
growing up is like. on a wednesday evening you suddenly understand that sometimes ppl who are bright and curious and full of love for the world go through sth so painful that they withdraw forever and they never get better and they may very possibly never be as well they wish they were again. and you have a cry about it alone at your desk. and then you literally just start cooking dinner
#(not a v happy post i'm sorry!)#had a letter from one of my mum’s friends today where she told me about the adventures she went on in her 20s#and she sounds so unrecognisable to the woman i know. i’ve known her all my life#but in all that time she’s been unhappy and unwell and fragile#this 24 year old who trekked through ao/nz on her own and walked on glaciers and in rainforests? who is that#and it struck me in a weird place bc i’m going through some Thing of some Weight currently where#someone i love very much is probably never going to be ok again but we’re so far apart that there’s like#genuinely nothing at all i can do to help her in any substantial or significant way like i can’t even hold her hand or speak to her#and it’s kind of an undercurrent of life rn so i sporadically cry about it a lot for a night or so#and then i just sort of. go on being in necessary denial.#and i don’t think i understood until now that my mum is on the other side of this experience#that those friends of hers i’ve only ever known as withdrawn and perpetually nervous and unhappy#aren’t That to my mum. they’re people she was young and happy and light with in the 80s#and until sth like that started happening to me w someone i love#i didn’t think about what it must have been like for my mum to watch someone so close to her change and retreat so completely#and now i just kind of. sit with it. like i was a miserable child and young adult and then i turned happy#and sometimes it’s the other way around#and it’s very often not in your power to prevent that so instead of like#keeping that person away from hurt forever like you want to. you just make dinner and that’s all#VERY SORRY FOR WHATEVER THIS IS#has to go somewhere ig!! but before someone gets worried yes i may go to counselling for this lmao. i'm fine i'm v cared for
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salsflore · 1 year
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i’m allowed to be silly once a month. now look away
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milo-is-rambling · 1 year
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I forget how much I hate the taste of vodka but the whipped cream vodka is so much better my god
#make a drink sweet enough that you can’t taste it when it’s in ur mouth and then all u get is the whipped cream vodka in the burn#makes drinks more tolerable#also this is the fastest I think I’ve ever chugged an alcoholic drink#we are gonna get fucked up tonight bc we have daddy issues and fought with our mom this morning slayyy#smoked a cigarette at the lake now getting fucked up in my room while home alone#life is so good and it’s all bullshit forever#literally we could all die and it doesn’t matter and life is weird and crazy and I am happy it sucks and I am so fucking thrilled to be aliv#at all#life is good regardless of death but I wish death would just like wait patiently for my family#dad I miss u I hope you had a good four twenty where ever you ended up. im sorry moms acting like this. I hope my brothers okay at school.#I hope he’s having a good time and isn’t completely overwhelmed with everything. I was right and apparently he’s gonna come home after grad#uation and im excited to have him home again but my mothers all upset. I know it sucks that you’re dead but it’s nice knowing in a weird way#that you’re the reason me and hunter got close again. so thanks I guess for that. and smoking made me and mom grow closer. idk. you’ve done#a lot for us and most of it had to do with weed. today hurt worse than my birthday. or the six month anniversary. today sucked. and no one#else seemed to be torn apart by it and it made me feel like I was going crazy and no one could even tell#you would’ve noticed if I was acting different. I love you. wherever you are I still love you. and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was such a bitch.#and I wish I took better care of you. but you were my father I wasn’t supposed to take care of you. you should’ve been there for me. we shou#have been there for mom and hunter and your parents and I’ve been thinking a lot about grammie actually. I don’t know how I feel. thinking#about her makes me cry now. I don’t have the heart to make her cry talking about my childhood but I miss her. and I miss being young. I miss#you coming to my Father’s Day dance recitals and coming back from bike week in Laconia and bringing me flowers always wearing your grey#Harley Davidson jacket and you’d have flowers in your arms and you’d be bored but so proud and you’d hug me and you’d smell like weed and#your beard was always scratchy when you’d hug me and I just miss you a lot. I miss you and I fucking hate you for it fuck.#note to self. ​don’t be pmsing and then get drinking and smoking and thinking of your dead father. you will cry
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mrburnsnuclearpussy · 11 months
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Maybe I would play any of the sonic games if they had Carson in them but they don’t so….what do they expect lol. If you want me to play a game you have to put Carson in or I don’t care!!! God when will they fucking LEARN
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nightly-ruse · 1 year
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I think I may be a little odd
#I’ve been thinking about like everything/neg/pos/breakdown inducing#and I think I’m mentally I’ll#like yeah no shit but also it’s very clear#I literally got out of breath the other day talking about wolves and Yellowstone bc I was talking so fast about them#also have very wild mood swings paired with abandonment issues constant shame for ppl caring about me and trauam over friendships bc#so many have gone wrong and I’ve been forever changed or abandoned (both in one case)#I mean I met this girl at a school meet and she just reminded me of a person who hurt me. they had the same same mannerisms looked similar#besides the hair and I had a full panic attack. I feel bad about that she probably was really nice#or how I feel sick just thinking about the local park bc it’s where I was forced to hang out with a ex friend that wrecked me#such a mixing bowl of bad traits#I can focus I can’t remember I’m either too lazy or too hyper to stay still I can’t regulate tone well and scare myself constantly just by#talking. relationships always end in a burning bridge even when they were so good bc I get so paranoid and scared they’ll leave that I leave#myself. jumping to crazy conclusions to the point I start hallucinating due to stress#I mean how do I even explain to my therapist that my only good friends ended with me skipping school the last days bc I thought one died.#she actually just left school early.#that one I kinda get even tho it’s fucking nuts bc tjat year has mentally burned me so goddamn much but still#and even tho I’ve kinda had a constant itch that something completely explains why I’m this way but am too scared to bring it up bc of#change and trauma related to bringing up my own mental health#I don’t even know what thsi is anymore sorry#should just shut up and sleep#I’ll be fine by morning anyways so what does it even fucking matter#ruse rambles#vent tag
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rosicheeks · 1 year
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Are there any particular forms or genres of music you're most interested in? I watched a, uh............j-pop concert of a video game soundtrack a month or so ago that got stuck in my head like crazy, but idk if that's what you mean by "live vocal performances" 😅~♡
I will literally give any form of genre a chance 💖💖💖
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