#besides the hair and I had a full panic attack. I feel bad about that she probably was really nice

[huggingkoalas]

out of love

pairings natasha romanoff x fem!reader

synopsis natasha loses you three times in the worst way possible.

word count 6.5k

warnings angst, bad/angsty ending, mentions of alcohol consumption, breaking up, cursing, mentions of cheating, pet names, car accident, panic attacks, jealousy, medical rooms, amnesia, mentions of therapy

author’s note yes, this was a series. i’ve decided to make it into a oneshot instead because of how much this fic has actually emotionally affected me :') this fic means a lot to me, but it’s also a constant reminder of someone really dear to me that i lost recently. i’ve lost count of how many times i cried while writing the ending, and i’m so sorry if the ending seems rushed </3

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Natasha was always full of confidence, loyalty and fierceness. She never backed down from a fight, especially excelling in close hand-to-hand combat where her ability was nothing short of intimidating. Ruthless and exceptionally efficient and skilled at her job, she struck fear into anyone who had the misfortune to cross the Black Widow’s path.

But that was at work. And at home? There was a big difference. While her enemies were always on their knees at the end of a fight, begging her for mercy to spare their lives, she was the one on her knees this time. Natasha Romanoff — one of the founding members of the Avengers, an agent of S.H.I.E.LD., and a professional assassin, your wife — was on her knees, begging for forgiveness.

“I’m sorry, moya lyubov’ (my love). Forgive me, please.” She begged, tears gathering in her eyes. 

Your shadow loomed over the kneeling redhead. Holding your breath and trying to keep your tears at bay, you pursed your lips together, not trusting yourself to speak in a steady voice.

“Please, I’ll do anything.” With trembling hands on her lap, Natasha glanced up at your face. She couldn’t control a sob breaking out from her throat as she saw the saddened expression on your face. 

“Am I… not important to you anymore?” You spoke in a quiet voice.

“I...-” With eyes filled with tears, she struggled to find the right words to explain herself. Despite her usual strength and confidence, Natasha looked vulnerable, almost broken, before you. 

“Where were you tonight? Drinking with Banner and Thor again?” You asked with a shaky breath.

The answer was already clear before Natasha even spoke. There was a faint smell of alcohol lingering in the air, a reminder of her downward spiral in recent months. It pained you to witness the transformation, to see the woman you loved slipping further and further away with each passing day. Over the past two months, Natasha had been arriving home late consistently, often in an intoxicated state. Her presence during mornings and evenings became a rarity, and you would find yourself sleeping alone in the shared bed at night, longing for the warmth of her presence. Despite consuming a large amount of alcohol the night prior, Natasha would, without fail, rise early for work the next day. 

You missed snuggling up beside her after a long day, your head in the crook of her neck as you smelled the vanilla shampoo in her hair. You missed the closeness, of feeling her heartbeat against your chest and the softness of her breath against your skin. These days, the smell of alcohol replaced the comforting and familiar scent you were used to. 

While Natasha’s current vulnerability was a display of her remorse and pain you’d never seen before, you wanted another kind of vulnerability — one where she was there for you, where she prioritised you first. You longed for her comfort, her reassurance as she held you close and whispered words of love in your ear.

With an exhausted sigh, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of even more disappointment at the sight of the two untouched plates of home-cooked beef stroganoff on the dining table. The tantalising aroma of the beef stroganoff now made you nauseous. It bitterly reminded you and mocked you of your meticulous efforts to please your wife. The once-warm meal lay cold since you plated them up three hours ago while you anticipated Natasha to return home. Accompanying the two plates were two wine glasses, a softly lit candle, and an unopened bottle of red wine. And in the refrigerator, there was a baking tray of lemon meringue pie from Natasha’s favourite bakery.

Today held a significant meaning — It marked the second wedding anniversary with the love of your life, Natalia Alianovna Romanova. Throughout the day, you tirelessly spent hours pouring your heart and soul into preparing each slice of tenderloin and delicately sprinkling the chives on the completed dish. Cooking wasn’t your forte, you had to learn how to cook it from websites. You still tried your best to make it the tastiest beef stroganoff Natasha had ever tasted in her life.

And to add salt to the injury, she never even bothered to return home early, preferring to drown herself in alcohol at the bar.

If you cooked her favourite dish and queued from early sunrise to buy her favourite dessert, Natasha would come home instead of getting wasted at the bar, right? You were sorely mistaken. You had even persistently messaged her all day, excitedly telling her about the candlelit dinner you had carefully planned for the evening. However, all of your texts went unanswered.

You almost found amusement and humour in your naïvety. Three months ago, ever since Natasha and her sister, Yelena, successfully brought down the Red Room, she changed for the worse. You expected her to shift into a more carefree demeanour after the mission, but it was the opposite. Despite your best to understand and put yourself in her shoes, Natasha remained guarded, only telling you bits and pieces of information about what happened during her mission.

“Y/N/N?” Natasha barely whispered. The vulnerability in her expression was a contrast to the loving and confident person you fell in love with.

“I need some time apart to figure things out, Natasha.” It had been a long time since you uttered her full name, always preferring to call her ‘Natty’ or, your personal favourite, ‘sunshine’. 

A pang of sorrow tugged at your heart, for Natasha had truly been your sunshine once upon a time. In the beginning, she had truly been like a ray of sunlight, her sweet smile had the power to brighten even the gloomiest of days, her laughter your favourite melody. And now, as you stood before her, the Natasha you once knew and loved had become a distant memory. In her place stood a shadow of her former self, someone who was almost unrecognisable to you. She was no longer your sunshine, but a raincloud that drenched you in loneliness and despair.

Your fingers instinctively played with the wedding ring adorning your left hand, tracing its edges and rolling it around your finger to alleviate your anxiety as you awaited her next words. You expected her to refuse and deny your words, to tell you that she needed you in her life, but all you got from her was a single word  — “okay.”

Her answer made you scoff loudly.

“That’s it? All I get is an ‘okay’?” You seethed, your hands clenched into tight fists as you let anger consume your words. “Did you ever take this relationship seriously, Natasha? Was I nothing more to you than a warm body when you had nightmares and decent fuck when you were horny?” 

“I’m sorry. I never meant to make you feel that way.” Natasha’s voice wavered as she struggled to find the right words.

“I can’t take this anymore.” You declared, the words spilling from your mouth before you could even stop yourself. “Fuck you, Natasha, I’m leaving. Forget taking a break — I never want to see you ever again.”

The hurt and shock in her eyes were unmistakable, but you did not regret your harsh words. The silence that followed afterwards was deafening. Natasha looked down, avoiding eye contact with you.

You slid your wedding ring off your finger, using more force than usual as you placed it on the coffee table. The sound of it hitting the table echoed loudly throughout the room. Instead of feeling a weight off your shoulders, a gnawing sense of anxiety and disappointment bubbled in your stomach. 

Is this the end of your marriage?

You love, no, loved Natasha, and the weight of the one-sided relationship had become too much for you to bear alone. You wondered if she ever truly cared about you in the first place, or if you were only a distraction from her busy life as an Avenger. You had a nagging feeling that, maybe, she was unsatisfied with being in love with an Avenger-turned-housewife instead of someone like Bruce Banner. You shook your head as the image of Bruce surfaced in your mind. Aware of his past crush on your wife, you could not help but wonder if Natasha, too, had developed feelings for him and hesitated to break your heart with the truth.

Maybe that’s why she’s been spending time with Bruce at the bar.

Was her love ever real?

And with that, you turned away. You stood before the door, your hand hesitating over the doorknob. You expected Natasha to intervene and stop you from leaving once more. With a hesitant glance back at her, you observed her entire frame convulsing with sobs, making it even harder to walk away.

You stepped out the door as you couldn’t bear to witness the pain in your favourite green eyes any longer. You knew leaving was the right thing to do, even if it tore you apart inside. As you settled into the driver’s seat and pulled away from the familiar driveway, the haunting image of Natasha’s tear-streaked face lingered in your mind

You had to get far, far away from Natasha. The only other person you trust is Wanda, your ex-girlfriend and another Avenger. She would be able to comfort you with her soothing presence and words. Tears welled in your eyes and streamed down your cheeks as you navigated the familiar streets to Wanda’s house. The turn of events weighed heavily on your mind, and millions of questions ran through your head.

Lost in your thoughts, you failed to notice the traffic light blaring red ahead. A car from the opposite direction ran right towards you, its glaring light blinding your vision with its intensity. With a sharp intake of breath, the screeching sound of tyres filled the air as you braced yourself for impact.

It could have been hours that Natasha knelt on the wooden floor after you left the house, or it could have been minutes. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed. All she knew was that her heart ached. It was as if someone had reached into her chest, grabbed her heart, and thrown it across the room without any consideration.

She felt overwhelmed. The air felt thick and made it hard for her to breathe as waves of panic coursed through her. She lay in a fetal position, her knees to her chest and her forehead on the floor. Her trembling hands clutched at her chest, desperately trying to calm the racing beats of her heart. Her body could not stop convulsing as tears streamed down her face, blurring the surroundings around her. 

Every shallow breath she expelled felt painful, and she felt like she was anchored to the cold ground beneath her. It was as if the room was spinning, and the walls were closing in, trapping her in endless suffering. The ache in her chest mirrored the shattering of her heart.

The events that happened after she had come home drunk had sobered her up quickly, and all she felt now was a hollow emptiness. Natasha felt like a complete asshole. She had taken advantage of your kindness and patience and trampled all over it. She took you for granted, and now she was all alone in the place she called home.

Home. It was merely a house, but the treasured memories the two of you shared with love and affection made it a home.

Once the waves of a panic attack passed, she craned her neck up to glance around her surroundings. The singular candle you prepared for the candlelit dinner was still burning on the dining table, illuminating the dimly lit living room. Even with the blinds drawn over the windows, she could see outside enough to gauge that sunrise was coming soon.

Unexpectedly, the voice of F.R.I.D.A.Y. shattered the silence as it echoed through the house. “Agent Natasha Romanoff. Please come to the Avengers Compound as quickly as possible.” 

Natasha groaned softly in response, slowly getting on her feet cautiously. Her knees and arms ached as she got her balance, a painful reminder of how she spent the night in an uncomfortable position.

Even when she chose to live separately from the Avengers, Tony Stark insisted he installed F.R.I.D.A.Y. into the home for ‘extra’ security. A sense of unease gnawed at her. She rarely got an announcement from the A.I. unless necessary, such as an emergency or a last-minute mission.

“Did something happen?” She called out to the A.I., her voice cracking and hoarse from the crying.

“Y/N Romanoff is in the hospital wing. She has suffered critical injuries from a car accident.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. replied promptly.

Panic surged through her body as she quickly shed last night’s attire. With each distressed movement, thoughts of how badly hurt you were raced through her mind. 

Shit. What has she done?

Natasha barged through the swinging doors of the infirmary in the Avengers Compound, her eyes surveying the all-too-familiar place. There were countless times when she had to prioritise tending to her wounds in the infirmary after missions instead of debriefing, as she was always someone to choose fight instead of flight when faced with enemies.

The place buzzed with the hum of fluorescent lights, and the antiseptic smell in the air nauseated her. She approached the first medical professional in her sightline, a male nurse.

“Bring me to Y/N Romanoff’s room, now.” She ordered, grabbing the nurse's uniform collar in a tight fist.

The nurse’s hands struggled under her grasp, choking out. “Y-Yes, Agent Romanoff. This way.” 

Letting go of his collar, the male nurse quickly led her down the hallways to your room in fear of angering the assassin further. Her heart raced as she followed behind him, not prepared for how wounded you would look after the car accident.

As Natasha entered the room, her fears were confirmed as she saw you. You were lying on the hospital bed, pale and fragile, while hooked up to multiple wires and machines that monitored your every heartbeat and breathing. Your whole body was covered with bandages and bruises, and the sight of your unconscious body supplemented the guilt in her gut.

“Agent Romanoff, we’ve done X-rays, CT scans and an MRI of her body. She has multiple transverse fractures on her clavicle and pelvic bone. She’s suffered a traumatic brain injury from the car accident, and she’s been comatose ever since.”

Before she could question him further, the nurse quickly left the room. She huffed in annoyance. Shrugging off the encounter with the medical professional, she approached your bedside with hesitant steps, sitting on the chair beside the bed. Taking your cold hand in hers, her index and middle fingers quickly found the pulse point on your wrist. Your pulse was weak. 

Tears welled up in Natasha’s eyes, threatening to spill as she whispered through choked sobs, her voice trembling with emotion “It’s all my fault, Y/N. I’m so sorry. Please, wake up. I need you.”

Natasha needed you. Without you, she felt lost, like she was swimming adrift in an endless sea. Her thoughts were a chaotic whirlwind. She felt like her world had become even greyer. She traced the contours of your face with her eyes as if trying to memorise every detail that made you uniquely you. All she could do was hope and pray that you would wake up soon to forgive her and give her one last chance to fix everything.

Days turned into weeks into months. Two months since you got into a coma. Two months since she heard her favourite voice. Two months of replaying the same scene the day she lost you.

The disappointment in your voice. Your disappointed face. The smell of beef stroganoff. The sound of you placing the wedding ring on the coffee table. The door clicking behind you as you left the house.

Two months felt like two years to Natasha. With each passing moment, the vital signs monitor played the steady rhythm of your heartbeat in the medical room. She refused to leave your side for even a moment. Nick Fury immediately gave her time off from missions to allow her to prioritise your well-being.

Everyone in the Avengers recognised the toll it was taking on Natasha’s well-being. Wanda took it upon herself to bring her meals and encourage her to shower and step outside to get a breath of fresh air. Wanda would remind her that you wouldn’t want her to neglect her own needs. Despite being curious about what had happened that night, the brunette never pressed her for answers. The wounds were still fresh, and Natasha always looked miserable every time Wanda came into the medical room. Both of them took turns taking care of you. Natasha knew about your past romantic relationship with Wanda, but she trusted her the most amongst all the other Avengers to take care of you.

Natasha felt a deep loneliness she couldn’t shake off that only your awakening could dispel. She clung to the glimmer of hope that each passing moment brought you closer to waking up. With every conversation with Helen telling her that your body was recovering well, her heart swelled with optimism, and she found a twinge of happiness in the gentle rhythm of the rise and fall of your chest.

When alone with you, Natasha would talk mindlessly to you, sharing stories of her day and reminding you that she loved you. Even when you were unconscious, she never failed to greet you every day with an ‘I love you’. She read your favourite books, played your favourite songs, and whispered words of love, hoping you could somehow hear her.

Night after night, Natasha would drift off to sleep with her head resting on the edge of your bed. The position was far from comfortable, but the discomfort mattered little to her. All that mattered was being near you and being the first person you see when you wake up, even if it meant sacrificing her comfort.

And then, one day, as the first rays of dawn bathed the room in a warm glow, you woke up. Natasha was asleep when you aroused from your coma, and she stirred awake by the twitch from your hand intertwined with hers.

Your eyes fluttered open slowly, a soft whine leaving your throat as you met her tear-filled gaze. A wave of relief washed over Natasha, but your eyes widened in panic and alarm as you saw the redhead in front of you.

“W-Who the fuck are you?”

Natasha swore she would be able to hear a pin drop from how silent the room became. The green eyes, previously full of hope, reflected a mixture of disappointment and pain. Speechless, Natasha met your stunned gaze as she took her time to process your words.

“W-Where am I?” You mumbled in a hoarse voice. 

Your eyes tried to adjust to the blinding light of the overhead lights as your consciousness slowly reawakened. A frown formed on your face as your eyes scanned every corner of the medical room. One of the surrounding machines beeped steadily, indicating that your vital signs were stable. You scratched your head and tried to remember how you ended up in the hospital, but you can’t.

Natasha picked up the glass of water from the nightstand and offered it to you with trembling hands. You drank the water thirstily, the cool liquid soothing your parched throat as you tried to make sense of your surroundings.

“It’s me, Natasha, your wife. Don’t you remember?” She began, moving her chair closer to your bed. “You’re at the Avengers Compound. You’ve been in a coma for a while.”

“I... Have a wife?” Aside from the fact that you were in an infirmary, the fact that you were married to someone surprised you more. You studied the features of the redhead sitting in front of you — the sense of familiarity tugged at the edges of your consciousness. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, we got married two years ago.” Natasha explained, her tone as soothing as possible.

“But... I have a girlfriend, Wanda.” You said, tilting your head to the side. “Where is she?”

Natasha’s hands shot up to cover her mouth as her eyes watered. She rose from the chair and stepped away from her bed. The room felt like it was closing in on her. Her hands became clammy, and each breath was laboured as her heart raced. A relentless drumbeat echoed in Natasha's ears.

Was this a nightmare? 

The impulse to reach out and grab your hand, a source of comfort that calmed her down, surged within her. Yet, she hesitated.

You appeared as the body of the person Natasha had fallen in love with years ago when you were just eighteen and freshly recruited into the Avengers team. The both of you had a rocky start — she was your enemy first before she became your friend and eventually your lover. However, that chapter was a long time ago as you had retired from the front lines upon marrying her.

As Natasha observed you, a sense of unease settled within her. There wasn’t the same warmth she once found in your eyes. Instead, an unfamiliar emptiness stared back at her. The very gaze that used to ignite with love and affection now held an empty void — The same expression as the day when you broke up with her. Natasha clung to the hope that your memory would somehow seamlessly reweave themselves back into your consciousness, dispelling the thoughts that she was staring at a stranger disguised as her wife.

You wrinkled your nose as you awaited her response. You tried to shift into a more comfortable position, but your muscles weakened from inactivity and failed you. You winced as you felt a sharp pain in your chest.

“Don’t strain yourself.” Natasha’s voice was laced with concern. She gently guided you to remain lying down. “I should get Dr Helen. Stay here, don’t move.”

Before you could formulate a response, she hurried out of the room. As Natasha disappeared from your view, her heart sank as she realised the extent of your memory loss. She should have expected this — Dr Helen did briefly inform her about how you might experience a few symptoms of memory loss due to the brain injury.

But damn, did your words hit hard.

As Natasha hurried down the corridor, a nagging sense of guilt held her down. Was your memory loss a form of karma for her past actions? Or perhaps a second chance to rebuild things with you? Even though you had effectively cut ties with her moments before the accident, she wanted to be there for you every step of the way. Was she going to tell you what had happened mere minutes before your car accident? No, not yet. Her focus had to be on providing support during your rehabilitation.

She couldn’t bear to lose you again.

The intensity of her emotions became even more palpable as Natasha approached the nurses’ station. Two familiar figures gradually became apparent in the distance, Dr. Helen and Wanda. Both of them were engaged in an animated conversation, but they stopped when they saw the dread on Natasha’s face.

“Y/N’s awake.” Natasha relayed.

Entering the hospital room as a trio, your eyes ignited with a mix of relief and recognition as you saw Wanda.

“Hey there, sweetheart. I missed you.” You warmly greeted Wanda with a wide grin.

As those words slipped from your lips, Natasha’s heart tightened in response. It was a term you had reserved only for her before the accident. On the other hand, Wanda could only manage a warm smile, waving at you. Wanda was unsure of how to respond to the term you used to call her when the both of you were dating.

“Y/N, it’s great to see you awake.” Dr Helen chimed in, trying to ease the atmosphere. With a clipboard in hand, she flipped through your medical records. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m… confused. What happened to me?” You asked.

Natasha quickly jumped in. “You were in a car accident two months ago.”

Your brow furrowed in confusion. “Car accident? But I don’t remember anything.” 

Wanda, sensing the discomfort in the room, stepped forward. “It’s okay, Y/N. The important thing is that you’re awake now. Natasha and I are here for you.”

In response, you graced Wanda with an endearing smile. Your hand extended, seeking and finding Wanda’s. You seemed to be reassured by her presence and physical touch. Natasha, observing the scene, couldn’t help but feel a subtle pang of jealousy. She pushed it aside, reminding herself that you were only acting this way because of the memory loss.

“We’re all here to help you remember.” Natasha spoke softly. 

As your eyes flickered between the two women, there was a spark of love in your eyes as you glanced at Wanda. However, when your gaze turned toward Natasha, the same void of distance was in your eyes.

“Do you remember anything else before the car accident?” Dr Helen inquired, her pen poised over the pages as she wrote down your responses.

“No…?” You responded tentatively, a furrow forming on your forehead.

“Alright. Firstly, what’s your current profession?” Dr Helen probed.

“I’m a retired Avenger.” You uttered, unconsciously tightening your grip on Wanda’s hand.

“Your age?”

“Twenty-six.”

“Do you remember these two?” Dr Helen redirected your attention, pointing to Natasha and Wanda.

“Wanda’s my girlfriend. I don’t remember who the other person is.” You confessed, looking at Natasha with a raised eyebrow.

How could you get all the questions wrong? Natasha crossed her arms, feeling uncomfortable under your gaze.

“Very well. Your cooperation is appreciated, Y/N.” Dr Helen acknowledged you with a nod, turning her attention to the two other women. “Agent Romanoff and Agent Maximoff, may I talk to the both of you in my office for a few minutes?”

Natasha and Wanda exchanged an apprehensive glance before nodding in unison, accompanying the doctor out of the room. In Dr Helen’s office, both women settled into chairs opposite her desk, their postures stiff. Dr Helen wasted no time, closing the door to her office with a decisive click before taking her seat behind the desk.

“I’ll need to ask Y/N more questions later to confirm the type of amnesia she’s experiencing. Based on the questions earlier, there’s a high chance she’s experiencing systematized amnesia.” Leaning forward, Dr Helen rested her elbows on the table, hands clasped together. “It’s a type of amnesia that happens when an individual experiences long-term stress or trauma. It can be from experiencing physical, sexual or emotional neglect and abuse. In response, the brain blocks out all memories about that one specific person from their past.”

Dr Helen’s statement made Natasha’s mind spin. Wanda gripped the armrests tightly, her eyes reflecting a mix of confusion and concern. “Is that why she remembers me, and not Natasha?”

“Exactly.” She paused, turning her attention to Natasha. “Agent Romanoff, have you ever hit your wife?”

“What? No, of course not.” Natasha replied with an exasperated shake of her head. “But… We did have an argument before her car accident. I haven’t been spending time with her. I was too busy drinking at the bar to spend time with her on the day of our second anniversary. She broke up with me before she got into the car accident.”

Wanda’s anger flared, her fists clenched by her sides as the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. “So the reason she got into a car accident is because of you?” She accused. “What the fuck, Natasha.” 

Natasha drew in a deep breath. “I never wanted this to happen. I didn’t know that she’d get into a car accident. I messed up.”

Dr Helen stepped in. “Emotions run high in situations like these, but our focus should be on helping Y/N recover and helping her navigate through her memory loss. We can’t change the past, but we can make choices to change the future.”

Wanda, her jaw clenched in frustration, couldn’t contain the bitterness in her retort. “Fine, but regret doesn’t undo the damage you’ve done, Natasha. Y/N trusted and loved you, and you let her down. She doesn’t deserve this, and she certainly doesn’t deserve you.” 

Natasha’s lips trembled slightly, struggling to hold back tears.

Wanda, unable to contain her frustration, abruptly pushed her chair back. “I can’t deal with this right now.” 

She stormed out of the room, the door slamming shut behind her. Dr Helen winced at the resounding sound before sighing. “Let’s regroup later. Wanda needs some time, and we’ll address these issues when everyone’s ready.”

Wanda burst into the medical room, her brows furrowed in deep frustration and a scowl etched across her face. Startled by her sudden entrance, you jumped slightly in your bed, your eyes widening in surprise as you saw her expression. “Wands?” You whispered. “What’s wrong?”

As you whispered her name, Wanda’s tense expression softened. She approached your bed with slow steps, her hands reaching out to hold yours.

“It’s... It’s nothing, Y/N.” Wanda replied, her voice tight with emotion. 

Despite Wanda’s attempt to dismiss her agitation, you could sense the remaining anger beneath her facade. You furrowed your brow, concern etching your features. 

“It doesn’t seem like nothing.” You insisted gently, squeezing her hand in reassurance. “You stormed in here looking like you were ready to take on an army.”

Wanda’s lips twitched with a hint of amusement, but the weight of her distress remained evident in her eyes. She hesitated for a moment, exhaling a breath before finally speaking.

“It’s Natasha.” Wanda admitted, her voice barely a whisper. “I just… I don’t know how to handle all of this.”

As much as Wanda wanted to tell you the reason you fell into a coma, she knew that it wasn’t her place to reveal the information without Natasha’s consent. She had to choose her words carefully.

You listened intently, your heart sinking at the mention of Natasha’s name. The complexity of your relationshipwith her made you feel uncertain and overwhelmed.

How could you be married to someone you couldn’t remember?

“Is Natasha really my wife?” You asked.

You closed your eyes, trying to find any memory that you shared with the woman who was supposedly your wife. But try as you might, your mind remained blank, empty of any intimate or shared memories with the redhead.

Wanda’s expression softened with empathy. “Yes.” She affirmed gently. “Natasha’s your wife.”

“That means you and I… we broke up?” You pressed your lips together, trying not to frown.

“Yeah.” Wanda began, her voice soft but tinged with sadness. "We broke up because I wasn’t ready for become something more. Our relationship... it’s clear that you love Natasha a lot, more than you ever loved me. Even a blind man could see it.”

“Oh.” You sighed, rubbing your thumb over Wanda’s hands. “But… I still love you.”

“Not anymore, Y/N. Your future’s with Natasha now. She loves you a lot and she’s been miserable ever since you got into a coma, so go easy on her, alright?”

Your heart sank at Wanda’s words.

“Alright.” You offered her a bittersweet smile. 

A week after waking up, Dr Helen officially diagnosed you with systematic amnesia. Once you had healed under her careful observation, you were discharged and allowed to return to the home you shared with Natasha. Despite your reluctance to burden her with your care, she was the only one you could depend on. Wanda and the other Avengers had their own responsibilities, leaving Natasha as your primary caretaker.

You were still bruising and aching all over, so Natasha assisted you with various miscellaneous tasks, such as managing your medication intake and helping you with showering. Physically and mentally, you were improving, but you still couldn’t remember Natasha.

Gradually, you treated her as if she were a stranger. She understood that it wasn’t intentional, but she didn’t think she’d lose you in the worst way possible.

The way you flinched whenever she touched you, because she was used to doing it back then when the both of you were together. It pained her deeply. You kept your thoughts and feelings to yourself, not trusting her enough to talk about your feelings. Despite this, outwardly, your interactions with her seemed relatively ‘normal’. The both of you never argued, never fought, and you’d spent time together.

It wasn’t the same as it used to be.

When Natasha returned home from her missions, you’d eagerly rush to her, enveloping her in the tightest hug imaginable and peppering her face with kisses. Now, you greeted her with a tight-lipped smile and a small wave.

In the past, you would cuddle together while watching late-night movies, holding her hand and resting your head on her shoulder. Now, there was a noticeable distance between you, an emotional and physical space that seemed to widen with each passing day.

She tried bringing you to a coffee place — the one she brought you on your first date. You were intrigued, but you still couldn’t remember anything.

Natasha was genuinely happy to see you making progress in your recovery. Yet, beneath that happiness, she was beginning to grow impatient. Your health was improving, but the state of your marriage seemed to deteriorate because you were unable to remember anything about her.

And, one day, Natasha finally reached her breaking point. She had prepared dinner for you, setting the table and waiting patiently on the couch for your return. But you didn’t arrive until three hours later, long after the food had grown cold.

“Where were you?” Natasha’s voice held a sharp edge as she crossed her arms.

You hadn’t mentioned going out, let alone with whom.

“I went out with Wanda for dinner.” You responded casually.

“And you couldn’t text me to let me know?” Natasha’s tone grew more aggressive.

Not only had you essentially stood her up, but you had also gone out with your ex-girlfriend — the same ex-girlfriend you might still harbour feelings for. It was ironic. It felt like the tables had turned. She was the one feeling hurt and frustrated this time.

“My phone was dead. Why are you so angry?” Your voice rose, becoming defensive as you retrieved your phone from your jacket pocket and tossed it onto the dining table.

“Because I made dinner for you.” 

“So what? I can have it for lunch tomorrow.” 

“That’s not the point. I was waiting for you.” Natasha insisted, her tone laced with frustration.

“And I promise I’ll eat it tomorrow. I’m tired, Natasha. I’m going to bed.” You said dismissively, turning away and walking towards the master bedroom.

It continued for months. Natasha almost wanted to give up, contemplating whether to raise the white flag and accept the bitter truth that you would never remember her at all. The constant arguments between you never seemed to reach a resolution. Instead, they ended with either Natasha or you walking away when things got too heated. With time, Natasha felt like the distance between you grew even more larger. You started coming home late, leaving Natasha disappointed as she waited for you to return to the place that once felt like home to both of you. Every dinner she prepared for you went unnoticed, adding to her sense of loneliness and frustration. 

Natasha felt as though you had undergone a complete transformation, like someone similar to you but not really, well, you. She was a stranger to you just as you were to her.

You were sitting on a plush chair, engrossed in the pages of a book when she finally accepted defeat. She observed you quietly for a moment, the way you were oblivious to her presence behind her.

“Are we still together?” Natasha asked, her voice breaking the silence.

You looked up to find her standing before you, a mixture of longing and sadness in her gaze. 

You closed the book slowly, placing it on the coffee table.

You chuckled bitterly, a touch of sarcasm lacing your words. “Well, legally, I suppose we are.”

Natasha’s heart sank at your response. She had hoped for affection, but instead, she was met with indifference.

“Do you even want us to be together?” Her voice quivered as she spoke. 

You studied her momentarily, leaning your head back against the headrest as you looked her up and down. Natasha looked miserable, her cheeks caked with dried tears and eyebags under her eyes from sleepless nights. 

“I’m sorry, Natasha.” You murmured softly. “I just… I don’t think we’re working out.”

Natasha felt her heart drop at your words. She had feared this moment, dreaded the possibility of hearing those words from you. Yet, the reality of it hit her like a sudden blow.

Your voice cracked as you spoke, barely on the verge of tears. “I tried. I really did try to remember you. Remember I came home late because I told you I was spending time with Wanda? I was actually walking around the places you brought me to, hoping that I’d remember something, anything.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Natasha asked. Her heart clenched at your words and her tears spill over her cheeks.

“Because I didn’t want to get your hopes up. I didn’t want to disappoint you at the end of the day.” You whispered, standing up from the plush chair and walking over to her. You raised your hand to Natasha’s cheek, feeling the warmth of her skin beneath your touch. “I want you, but I don’t think I’m in love with you. You deserve better than this, Natasha. You deserve better than me. You’re not in love with me — You’re in love with the me before the accident.”

Natasha closed her eyes, leaning into your touch, a silent plea for reassurance. But as you withdrew your hand, the ache of longing remained. 

Just like how your love was out of touch.

“We can’t keep pretending, Natasha.” You said softly, your voice tinged with regret. “Maybe it’s time we accept that things have changed.”

With a heavy sigh, you turned away, unable to bear the pain of seeing her heartbreak. It pained you to hurt her, but you knew that prolonging the inevitable would only cause more suffering for both of you.

This time Natasha knew that she had to stop you from leaving somehow. She couldn’t make the same mistake twice. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, not again. Not for the third time. 

As you headed towards the door, Natasha’s voice trembled as she spoke. “Y/N, please... don’t go.”

But you couldn’t bring yourself to stay. Not when the love you once shared almost felt fake. Like it never happened.

You paused for a moment, your hand on the doorknob, before offering a final, pained glance back at Natasha. “I’m sorry, Natasha. Goodbye.”

And with that, you stepped out the door, leaving behind a redhead with a shattered heart.

In an alternate universe, maybe you could actually remember her and love her eternally.

navigation main masterlist | request guidelines | about me

#lumi’s fics! #marvel #mcu #the avengers #natasha romanoff #black widow #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x reader #angst #wlw #fanfic #fanfiction

[nightly-ruse]

I think I may be a little odd

#I’ve been thinking about like everything/neg/pos/breakdown inducing #and I think I’m mentally I’ll #like yeah no shit but also it’s very clear #I literally got out of breath the other day talking about wolves and Yellowstone bc I was talking so fast about them #also have very wild mood swings paired with abandonment issues constant shame for ppl caring about me and trauam over friendships bc #so many have gone wrong and I’ve been forever changed or abandoned (both in one case) #I mean I met this girl at a school meet and she just reminded me of a person who hurt me. they had the same same mannerisms looked similar #besides the hair and I had a full panic attack. I feel bad about that she probably was really nice #or how I feel sick just thinking about the local park bc it’s where I was forced to hang out with a ex friend that wrecked me #such a mixing bowl of bad traits #I can focus I can’t remember I’m either too lazy or too hyper to stay still I can’t regulate tone well and scare myself constantly just by #talking. relationships always end in a burning bridge even when they were so good bc I get so paranoid and scared they’ll leave that I leave #myself. jumping to crazy conclusions to the point I start hallucinating due to stress #I mean how do I even explain to my therapist that my only good friends ended with me skipping school the last days bc I thought one died. #she actually just left school early. #that one I kinda get even tho it’s fucking nuts bc tjat year has mentally burned me so goddamn much but still #and even tho I’ve kinda had a constant itch that something completely explains why I’m this way but am too scared to bring it up bc of #change and trauma related to bringing up my own mental health #I don’t even know what thsi is anymore sorry #should just shut up and sleep #I’ll be fine by morning anyways so what does it even fucking matter #ruse rambles #vent tag

[sinner-sunflower]

A HH Lucifer-centric AU 22/22

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 15, PART 16, PART 17, PART 18, PART 19, PART 20, PART 21

STORY 2 - Sequel

I can't believe it?? I made it, Ma!

Luci's General Suit inspired by this FANART on twt by @kajina_97

This is the COMIC that inspired me to write the whole thing because I wanted this ending so bad klajdklsa it's by @Sandranetta_13 on twt

Dk what tomorrow might entai. Might be the first chapter for the sequel?

Let me know what you guys think! Please, I'm very desperate.

I'm willing to do a Q&A regarding your thoughts. DMs and Asks are OPEN! <3

Will link the sequel here once posted

---------------------------------------------------

Everything was relatively normal the following week. His and Charlie's long overdue moment with no more miscommunication made Lucifer feel a whole lot better. He couldn't ask for a better daughter.

Dressing himself in one of his battle suits, he felt like he could take on the world. Nothing says King of Hell like your best warrior outfit and a badass sword in full display.

Lucifer: Looking pretty dapper there, me.

Lucifer doesn't even bother to style his hair- it now flows animatedly like that of Lilith's.

Flowers were still being sent to him especially when he was first spotted roaming around the hotel after a week-ish long recovery. Charlie had the amazing idea of making a greenhouse or some sort of garden to put all the flowers and keep them alive as long as possible.

They got rid of any red ones after someone sent a buttload of them which then caused him to have a mini panic attack. Alastor is subtly trying to take that moment off his mind by leaving Marigolds everywhere. It's sweet but soon they're going to need a separate greenhouse for just the Marigolds. Where'd he even get these??

Finding his first Marigold of the day, in the bathroom of all places really Alastor??, he makes his way to the lobby. Everyone was there doing their own thing.

Husk and Angel are at the bar as usual, with the latter talking animatedly about something that puts an endearing expression on Husk's face. Nifty is putting on roach puppet shows for Alastor. The radio demon notices him and conveys his most 'help me' face but he just chuckled and gives him a thumbs up. The cyclops named Cherri is today's gift screener, grumbling about the pollen and the shitty taste some demons have.

Charlie and Vaggie were talking to a small group of demons by the entrance. As soon as his daughter sees him, she said something to the group then walked over to him.

Charlie: Good morning, dad!

Lucifer: You look busy.

Charlie: They're sinners who are asking about the hotel! I'm so happy that people are at least coming here to check it out. Did you have a good sleep?

Lucifer: Well, I don't feel like passing out today. So pretty good!

Charlie: That's great, dad!

Angel: Short king! Looking good in that fit!

Cherri: Yeah! Do a spin, hot stuff!

He blushes at the sudden attention. Everyone is looking at him in awe- maybe it was too much?

Alastor: Nonsense, dear.

Alastor appeared beside him in a flurry of shadows, seemingly reading his mind. He bends down at Lucifer's level to whisper in his ear. He plucked the Marigold Lucifer was holding, putting it behind the King's hair.

Alastor: I, for one, think you never looked so.. raveshing~

Damn him.

Lucifer: Shut up.

Lucifer hisses in response. Like, seriously? In front of his daughter? Thank Father, Charlie didn't hear that.

Charlie: Yeah! You look so cool. I don't think I've seen you wear that except for when there's a banquet.

Lucifer: Yeah, well, I wanted to look put together after everything.

Charlie softens at his words.

Alastor: No need for that, sire. I'm sure no one is foolish enough to comment negatively on what the King of Hell chooses to look like.

Lucifer: What does that make you then?

Alastor: Privileged, my King~

Lucifer rolls his eyes at the audacity but he can't help but smile. Man, he never thought he'd miss their constant banter.

Charlie: You look awesome, dad, okay? Al, please slow down with the Marigolds, Nifty's going crazy. Oh! Dad, right, Aunt Bel called said that the Sloth Ring is making incredible progress and that she'll visit again soon. I think Aunt Bee is planning a party with the other Sins and would like it to be held here in Pride! At the hotel! It would be so cool and of course if you're not ready I can tell them and maybe a little get together would be better. I'll even invite Sev! He gave flowers for you too and Vaggie was so jealous when I said he was my ex and thought the flowers were for me, she was so cute-

Lucifer tried, but he stopped listening halfway through his daughter's talk. It was a bit of an information overload but he kept a small, genuine smile on his face for her.

Then something caught his eye that made him stopped smiling altogether.

Charlie notices this causing her to stop talking.

Charlie: Dad?

He should answer but his eyes were locked on the wall behind Charlie. Plastered on the higher part of the lobby's wall was a glowing mark- gold wings with a dot on the center.

Lucifer turns around so fast to look outside the hotel's window. Heaven looks so out of place up there, sticking out like a sore thumb upon Hell's red skies.

A glint in the distance made him act. Without warning, he took off with such force that those inside the hotel were knocked down by the gust of his wings.

He breaks the window on his way out and pulls out Lightbringer. Lucifer brings the sword up and-

A powerful explosion lit up the sky. The sky split in two and fire appeared high and wide over Pride. At that moment, everyone became so hot that they couldn't bear it, as if their whole body was on fire. They wanted to rip their skin off just to get a sense of relief but then the sky shut closed. A strong thump was heard by every demon in the vicinity and then they were all thrown a few meters.

It felt like an eternity before Charlie and the others could get their bearings. Those that didn't get knocked out went outside, once there, they see Lucifer far up in the sky, holding up a flaming sword. The signature pentagram of the city has been fractured by whatever happened and demons all around were either hurt or unconscious.

Charlie: Dad!

Charlie calls out to her dad but he doesn't acknowledge her. His gaze never leaving Heaven, as if he's seeing something that no one else can.

--------------------------------------

A screen locked on Hell zooms out as the machine's voice rang out 'target disengaged'.

An angel looking similarly to Lucifer, except there's blue tints on the spots where Lucifer had reds, was looking down at Hell pulling back a large, golden gun. They blew the smoke residue and sighed.

Michael: Hello, Lucifer... Still causing trouble, I see.

---------------------------------------

it's done??

cliffhanger but don't worry, there's a sequel!

I spent 30 minutes looking for that comic that inspired this ending.

Did y'all catch that Lemmino reference? I'd have that description in my head rent free ever since I watched Grazed by the Apocalypse

Again, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this! This was my first published baby and I'm so proud !

#hazbin lucifer #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin charlie #hazbin angel dust #hazbin husk #hazbin lilith #hazbin cherri bomb #hazbin vaggie #hazbin sir pentious #hazbin nifty #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel vaggie #hazbin hotel angel dust #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin hotel sir pentious #hazbin hotel cherri bomb #hazbin hotel niffty #radioapple #duckiedeer #appleradio #alastor and lucifer #lucifer x alastor #lucifer morningstar #lucifer magne #lucifer centric #lucifer harem #archangel michael

[thepenultimateword]

Protective Part 4

Part One, Part Two, Part Three

No sooner did Villain plop down on the couch, Supervillain pressed close and worrying against their side, did they realize their surroundings. The apartment hadn't seemed so bad this morning, a little cluttered but not urgent; now all they could see was mess.

They flushed, the old panic replaced by the new as they leaped to their feet and hastily began gathering empty soda bottles and dirty dishes from the ground and side table. They managed to kick a few pieces of clothing into the hall on their way to the kitchen before dropping their entire armload into the sink with a far too loud CLANG!

"I'm sorry," Villain rushed, picking pillows off the ground and tossing the throw blanket across the back of the couch wrinkled but only a little worse for wea-- Was that a stain! Gross! They must've gotten ketchup or sweet and sour sauce or some other traitorously vibrant condiment on there. Hopefully not blood. The mark was gross enough without also being a biohazard. They patted rapidly at the fabric making a show of straightening the blanket out as they folded the edge inward. "I wasn't expecting to have anyone over today. I've actually never had anyone over. Unless you count the guy who dropped off the couch when I first moved in. Or the electrician who fixed my fuse box. I gave him a glass of water so that's sort of more of a guest than a delivery guy, but uh, yeah, never had anyone over to just hang out, which saying out loud is pretty lame. And embarrassing. But it's not much for entertaining anyway, ya know? I don't even know what I'd do with guests? Er, not to say I don't know what to do with you! i...no that came out strange. I meant it's pretty boring here usually, but with you around, it doesn't need to be. Or...no. I mean...I mean..."

Supervillain rose from the sofa, taking two steps to stand directly in front of them. They gently lifted Villain's jumper strap back onto their shoulder.

"Thank you for having me." The supervillain smiled warmly.

Villain wanted to gawk at the graciousness of it all but managed a curt nod instead and immediately averted their eyes. "I'm, um, going to change and make some tea. Want any?"

"I can make it," Supervillain said, stepping toward the kitchen. "Just show me where you keep it."

"N-no!" Villain snatched the taller criminal by the jacket, stopping them short with a sharp tug. Supervillain looked over their shoulder, and Villain stared down at their clenched hands in horror. "Ah!" They scrambled a couple feet back, wringing their hands tightly together. "I'm sorry! It's just I like making it. I-it helps me calm down. Besides you're my guest this time. It's the least I can do."

Supervillain turned back, stopping Villain's hands just short of throttling each other as they took them in their own. "I'm sorry," they said. "I overstepped. I'll wait on the couch. Take all the time you need."

Oh. Supervillain...wasn't upset. They apologized. It was ok.

Villain pulled their hands back slowly, warming a little at the feel of Supervillain's fingertips brushing across their palms. "I'll be quick."

They turned away fast, hopefully before Supervillain noticed, and darted down the hall. Once in their bedroom, they peeled off the annoying jumper without hesitation, throwing it vengefully into the laundry basket. The decrease in discomfort was almost immediate.

Villain breathed a sigh as they sat on the edge of the bed. They'd been on their way to a full-blown panic attack. Their heart was still racing.

They buried their fingers in their hair. They were seriously a mess.

Supervillain hadn't seemed to mind this time, but what about next time? Or after that? They were definitely going to get annoyed. Maybe Villain should just tell them this wasn't going to work out. It would save them both the trouble of starting something that was doomed to fail. Besides, Supervillain would probably be happier without a future of being dragged down, and Villain would be happier pretending a hot, bigshot supervillain would've really wanted them. Except...then there was the matter of wasting Supervillain's time today and making them pay for lunch, and a cab and...

And nothing was solved.

Tomorrow, people would still be making fun of them. Heroes would still be stalking them. The world would still be watching. Maybe even worse now that they'd been seen in public with Supervillain.

Villain shoved their fingers back to the crown of their head and then dragged them forward again, pulling chunks of hair over their face as they rubbed their palms in their eyes.

"Ok," Villain murmured. "You're doing this. You're doing, this you're doing this, you're doing this." They slapped their hands down determinedly onto their legs and surveyed the messy bedroom. "Now what are you going to wear?"

They sighed again. They'd only thought as far as getting the jumper off, not what to replace it with.

Villain slid to the floor and began sifting through everything that hadn't escaped this morning's rampage. Which was almost their entire wardrobe. After the jumper fiasco, they wanted to be comfortable, but they could not just wear sweats in front of Supervillain. Yes, they'd seen them in pajamas once already and covered in puke, but the date still wasn't technically over.

Oversized was cute. Maybe a sweater? Or the color-block hoodie? Or should they be going the more attractive route with some shorts and a tank? Villain buried their face in their knees. Nope nope nope. Just thinking about that was uncomfortable.

Villain's hand brushed against something silky, and they brought an oversized button up to their face. Huh. Maybe they could do a little of both. It was technically a sleep shirt, but the thing had a collar, sooo formal. Right? Yeah. And with some shorts--a longer pair of shorts--it would probably look nice. Better than sweats at least.

Villain dressed quickly; they'd probably taken too long already. But before they returned to Supervillain there was one more problem to address: their eyes were killing them.

They'd quickly replaced their contacts a few minutes before the date, but after keeping them in too long the night before, falling asleep in them, and spending 20 minutes digging them out of their eyes before immediately shoving in new ones, their eyes were none too happy. Unless they wanted to torture themselves, they had little choice. Villain filled their contact case with solution, removed the irritants from their eyes, and put on their glasses. Then before they could start questioning themselves, Villain marched out to the living room.

"Sorry that took a bit. I'll get started on tea now."

Supervillain went straight in their seat and gaped.

Villain touched a hand to their glasses and turned away. "What?"

"Can I...?" Supervillain finished the rest of their thought by raising their phone and making a camera-clicking motion with their free hand. "Not to post or anything. Just for me."

Villain blinked. "Uh, sure? Why though?"

It didn't make sense that Supervillain wanted so many pictures. It wasn't like they were anything special to look at. Once again, they wondered if this could be a setup. A couple days of drudging seduction to steal all their most embarrassing and vulnerable moments and post them online. But then, what did it really matter? They were already an embarrassment.

"I didn't know you wore glasses," Supervillain said as they aimed their phone. "It's so cute, I think I almost swallowed my tongue."

Villain stopped breathing. They actually had to force themselves to inhale. "O-oh. Thank you. I...uh...tea."

They pointed toward the kitchen and hurried away with their head ducked. They balanced themselves on the cabinets for a moment, shoving the image of those intense, dark eyes to the back of their mind. it was very persistent.

Making tea usually soothed them, but now they just ran through the motions, heating water, putting strainers in teacups, measuring out teaspoons of chamomile and mint, etc. All the while the pictured Supervillain. Sitting on the couch. Eating waffle. Broad back. Watching eyes.

They didn't remember pouring the hot water through the strainers or letting it sit, but suddenly they were handing Supervillain a cup and saucer.

Supervillain nodded a thanks, taking a sip before setting the cup aside and turning fully on the couch toward Villain's seat beside them.

"I wanted to talk to you about the photos from today."

"Ok..." Villain tried not to let their hand tremble as they dragged on their tea. It slurped a little, but neither of them addressed it.

"I planned to post them tonight, but are you going to be ok with that?"

"I don't think that really matters," Villain said.

"Of course, it matters. Those people looking at you made you really upset. Posting these will bring the attention of a million more. Of course I would rip--" Supervillain clamped their fists violently on empty air, gritting their teeth as they acted out a shredding motion. "--anyone who harassed you to pieces." Their face softened. "But I won't push you into anything you're not ready for."

Oh.

Villain stared into the golden shimmer of their tea.

"But you were right when you said that was the point of the day I freaked out, but things were just going the way they were supposed to."

"It wasn't the whole point." Supervillain tilted their head far enough sideways to catch Villain's eyes. "It was also fun."

"Yeah." Villain smiled. "It was."

They plonked their cup onto the floor and pulled out their phone.

"Ok, what should I say in my post?"

Supervillain raised their brows. "You're sure?"

"Yeah," Villain replied more casually than they felt. "Nothing's going to change if I keep on the way I am now. What should I say?"

Supervillain scratched their cheek. "I feel awkward telling you what to say about me. How about I go first and you use that to come up with yours."

Villain nodded. "Mm."

"Alright. So our together lunch picture, my food, you taking a bite..." Supervillain angled their screen into Villain's view as they talked, selecting photos as they spoke. Maybe to include Villain or maybe to prove to them they weren't choosing anything they hadn't already spoken about. "Aaaand there."

Villain leaned closer and read the caption slowly.

A-Whisper-in-the-Dark: Lunch date with lovely. There is no one else I’d rather spend time with ❤️

They blushed furiously. "I'm not lovely."

"You look very lovely to me. Oh, let me friend you. It would be weird if we're dating but not even social media friends."

“Oh, yeah.” Villain turned their phone absently toward them to copy the username into the search bar. What should they say? What should they even share? They’d ruined the solo photo, so maybe they’d only post one instead of a collection like Supervillain’s.

They flicked throw five of the same picture, except for the very first where Villain was looking at Supervillain instead of the camera. They had probably been glancing up to see what sort of expression they should match, but it almost looked like…

Ok, they had an idea.

They selected the photo and began typing.

Knife-Life-247: My first time at the lighthouse. It was beautiful, but the other view was better.

Ding!

Supervillain looked at the notification and gave a giddy cackle, burying their face in their arm. “You sneak. You act all shy and flustered while pulling lines like that!"

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

The notifications saved Villain from coming up with a reply. Good. It was embarrassing enough having Supervillain read what they’d written about them, they didn’t need to talk about it too.

“Looks like it’s already blowing up,” Supervillain said, looking at their phone.

Pocket_Doggo: No way no way no way NO WAY!!! The-Next-Big-Thing2789: These look photoshopped. If you zoom in the background looks weird. Supervillain's-Husbando: Noooooooooooooo 💀💔 Supervillain's-Wife: They don't match at all! And they’re ruining their vibe! Hope Supervillain is ok (@Supervillain's-Husbando nice username by the way) TheRealSupervillain: Jk guys! I'm actually dating Hero! HalfAHeroSandwich: Why is everyone so mean? I've always thought Villain was really cute. CredibleHero: Apparently no one on here knows how to take a joke. Humor is lost on people these days 🙄 tacosaurus25: @CredibleHero Shut up you look like an idiot. Another account already posted a video of them at the beach together. CredibleHero: @tacosaurus25 Yeah your exactly the type of person I'm talking about. You don't even realize Supervillain is just messing around with them like the rest of us. They wouldn't ever really date someone like that. tacosaurus25: @CredibleHero *you're. CredibleHero: @tacosaurus25 Your only correcting my grammar because you know you're wrong A-Whisper-in-the-Dark: Don't talk about my partner that way. You might feel brave behind your screen, but remember, I can find anyone I want.🔪 icantthinkofausername: @A-Whisper-in-the-Dark Woah woah! They replied! 😱 Random-NPC: @A-Whisper-in-the-Dark Is it really the real Supervillain?!?! Dolphinlover29: @A-Whisper-in-the-Dark I can't believe this! tacosaurus25: @CredibleHero convenient time to ghost Hangry-Bird: I'm still skeptical. Those photos could be fake. Or staged. Alwayssus: Yeeeeah seems pretty sus Little-mystery: Didn't Supervillain beat up some hero yesterday though? Could it be related? Like maybe the guy messed with them, and it made Supervillain want to go public? Blushiemushieslushie: Like they were secretly dating all along? Power-Hungry-Bulbasaur: Ooooo nice theory! It is a little out of nowhere! They probably totally were!🤯

Villain squeezed their phone in both hands, trying to grasp some piece of reality. Everything about the last two days had been surreal, but watching the comments flow in about a relationship that hadn't even existed until this morning was the cherry on top. Sure they'd dreamed of notoriety. When they first started villainy, that had been the goal. Respect, fear, control. A name people would remember. Well, people remembered them all right. The puking half-a-hero weirdo. Nothing had changed. But now in five minutes, there was a whirlwind of speculation. Maybe it would all turn out for the worst. Maybe despite Supervillain's confidence, they'd bring Supervillain down with them. But maybe...maybe this was their key. People thought it was possible they'd been dating Supervillain all along. Others were jealous. Yes, plenty of others were attacking and that made them queasy, but if Supervillain thought they were worth it, and if some people believed it...maybe it could be true.

"Let's do a Q&A."

Supervillain looked up in surprise. “What?"

“You mentioned live-streaming this morning. I…don’t really like it, but it will clear things up faster.” Villain tried to keep their voice steady but their stomach roiled. “And I need to get braver.”

"It's too fast."

"Oh." Villain's shoulders sank. "Sorry."

"No, I don't mean it's too fast for me. Or them." Supervillain motioned at their phone. "I mean for you. You were really scared today. You can't jump straight into the deep end when you're still scared of the water."

"Isn't that my decision though?" Villain snapped.

Supervillain's brows raised in surprise.

Villain shrunk back. "Sorry."

Supervillain held up their hands as if to rebuff the apology. "Yes. That's your decision."

"Ok then." Villain wet their lips and shakily opened a new comment box. "Is Friday good?"

"Just fine."

"Ok."

Knife-Life-247: We'll be live-streaming a Q&A this Friday. Blushiemushieslushie: @Knife-Life-247 Now Villain is replying?! Just-a-little-worm: They just uploaded pictures on their account too! asjdkfg: @Knife-Life-247 Live Q&A? I'm asking off work on Friday! Sun_News: @Knife-Life-247 @A-Whisper-in-the-Dark We're interested in making a story about this. Would you be willing to give a video interview?

A pause stretched between them. Both watching the unfolding chaos and unsure what to say next. At least, that was Villain's case. Maybe Supervillain didn't get unsure.

“Thanks for standing up for me," Villain finally said. "Earlier. In the comments. And before.”

“Of course." Supervillain rested a hand on Villain's knee, cautious, gentle, and with a quick glance tagged on the end, as if to confirm it was an ok touch. "I’ll always protect you.”

Villain had too bad of a track record to believe that. But they could still hope for it.

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#creative writing #hero x villain #heroes and villains #writing prompt #heroes and villains community #writing snippet #writblr #villain #villain x villain #villain x supervillain

[lgbtqasacrew]

PLSPLSPLSPLSPLS CAN I HAVE A TOOTH ROTTINGLY FLUFFLY HURT/COMFORT FIC WITH STEDDYHANDS X READER

Reader gets pretty messed up mentally and physically after getting kidnapped by the British navy and they all comfort them and patch them up??? Either he/him or they/them pronouns if possible 🩷🩷🩷

Summary: Coping with the aftermath of being held captive by the British Navy, your partners do their best to look after you

Relationships: Steddyhands x Reader

Word count: 2.7k+

Warnings: Descriptions of injuries, hand wavey pirate medical care, brief mentions of suicidal ideation, mentions of panic attacks and nightmares

A/N: Sorry this took so long, I kinda got carried away with this one oops, I hope there’s enough fluff in there, I got quite into the hurt/comfort part. They/them pronouns for reader

Stede carried you to the captain’s cabin carefully, scared of hurting you further. Ed and Izzy not far behind, Izzy barking some orders at a worried looking crew before slamming the door behind him. You jump at the sudden noise, taking you back to your time in the cell. Stede held you closer, pressing a kiss into your hair, whispering sweet nothings to try and calm you down.

“Sorry” Izzy apologised, chastising himself for making things worse.

You couldn’t help the whimper you let out when Stede lowered you onto the bed you share with all three of your loves. “I’m sorry, darling” Stede apologised, you were quick to assure him it’s not his fault. He was taking such tender care of minding your injuries but they all hurt so much.

One you’re laid onto the sheets, all three men were gently removing your clothes to inspect your injuries. Izzy walked away, your heart ached at the idea of not being near him, but he soon returned, arms full of medical supplies. You suspected that he’d grabbed everything that’s on the ship. Although you felt bad that they were so worried about you, you had to admit it was nice to be cared for.

“Shit Y/N” Izzy exclaimed as he removed your shirt. Your entire torso was covered in bright red cuts from the cat they’d used to torture you. You’d been captured on shore leave, you’d only left your partners sides to get some fresh air. Next thing you know you’re ambushed and taken to a prison owned by the British Navy. Their intentions to torture you to get to Blackbeard and the Gentleman Pirate.

“Oh my darling” Stede cooed, pressing kisses into your hair

“Stede help them sit up for a minute” Izzy asks. Your back matched your front, possibly even worse, ugly raised cuts covering your skin.

“At least we’re matching now Iz” you tried to joke, he humoured you with a huff, offering a small smile that left his lips the moment you looked away again. Izzy and Ed gently work on your back, cleaning it with such tender care, Stede sat beside you holding your hand the whole time.

You hear sniffling beside you to find tears sliding down Stede’s cheeks, it breaks your heart. “I’m sorry”

“What are you sorry for darling?” he asks

“You’re crying because of me”

“Oh honey” he wiped the tears away with the hand not holding yours “I’m upset to see you hurt but it’s not your fault”

“But I wasn’t careful enough, got myself captured like an idiot”

You felt comforting fingers combing through your hair, you somehow knew it’s Izzy, he’s always loved playing with your hair. “It wasn’t your fault love” Ed says “we’re the ones that left you alone”

“I shouldn’t need babysitting” you sulked

“That’s not what Ed means, sweetheart” Stede assured you “it’s just safer if you’re not alone, it’s the same for all of us”

“Yeah next time we’re there we’ll stick together” Ed adds

Shit, you hadn’t considered that one day you might have to return there, the idea made you feel sick. “We don’t really have to go back there, do we?” you could feel your heartbeat rising, your palms suddenly becoming increasingly sweaty.

The three men look at each other, distressed by your sudden panic. “No darling, I’m sure we can avoid going back” Stede says, looking to Ed for backup

“Yeah, there’s plenty of other places we can go, don’t worry about it love” lightly squeezing your shoulder.

“Right your back is all done dear” Izzy says “shall we help you lean back again” They help you lean back against the pillows, it’s painful but you think you’d be in pain no matter how you laid. They do the same for the wounds on your front as you just lay there, mostly staring at nothing. Stede must notice you zoning out as he gives your hand another squeeze, you look to him as he gives you what is probably meant to be a reassuring smile.

They checked the rest of your body, massaging your wrists where they’d been bound for hours, they were so sore, really every part of your body was sore. Once they were sure every injury had been tended to properly, Ed and Izzy awkwardly hovered near you, wanting to comfort you so badly but scared they’d somehow make it all worse.

You took Izzy’s hand, rubbing circles in the back of it. “Join us?” you asked, looking between the two men.

“Are you sure love? We don’t wanna hurt you” Ed replied

“Just do as Y/N says” Stede backs you up, already shuffling closer to the window to make room. They helped you move over until you’re in Stede’s arms, the feel of Stede’s broad chest against your back is a comfort. Izzy slides in next to you with Ed close behind, being surrounded by your partners is pure bliss after the past few days. For the first time in what feels like ages, your body finally lets you rest.

You awoke with a jolt to someone screaming, wait it’s you that’s screaming. You had a nightmare, back in that navy cell as soldier after soldier would come in to torture you as they pleased, as you begged for them to stop and they’d just laugh in your face. Your screaming had of course woken all three men who were wrapped around you but you couldn’t even register them talking as your ears were ringing and your body felt like it was on fire.

One of your partners must have touched your arm to try and comfort you, but to your muddled brain it was a navy soldier wanting to hurt you. You struggled out of their grasp, shooting out of the bed in search of safety.

All three men looked at each other, not sure what just happened, wanting to go comfort you but not wanting to make things worse. Stede, who had been the one to touch you, felt terrible, all he had wanted to do was provide some comfort, he hadn’t wanted to scare you.

“It's not you love” Ed tries to assure him “they woke up screaming, must’ve been having a nightmare, they probably didn’t even know where they were” Logically Stede knew what Ed was saying made sense, but he couldn’t help the hurt he felt when you’d recoiled from his touch.

“What if they don’t want to be with us anymore?”

“I don’t think it’s that” Izzy replied “Y/N has been through a lot, we just have to be there for them”

Stede found you in the auxiliary wardrobe hidden under his golden robe, he had to admit it warmed his heart that you had found safety in an item of his. But he was more worried about you, how small you looked, distress etched into every feature on your tear streaked face.

He approached you in a similar way that you’d approach a scared animal, kneeling in front of you but leaving some space between, not risking touching you again yet. Your brain was clearer now, you were mostly just embarrassed by your outburst. “I’m sorry” your voice so small, it was only audible due to the close proximity.

“Oh darling, you have nothing to be sorry for” Stede assured you “I’m sorry for scaring you back there”

“No” you shake your head, it wasn’t his fault, it’s your fucked up brain. “You didn’t do anything”

He nods in understanding. “I’m assuming you had a nightmare, do you want to talk about it?”

The idea of talking about any of it in that moment seemed impossible, your heart beating faster just at the idea. Another sob tore through you as you shook your head. “I’m sorry, I can’t”

He offered you a small smile “That’s okay dear, Y/N would it be okay if I touched you?”

You didn’t respond with words, instead launching yourself onto him, he took this as permission, wrapping his arms around you, rubbing your back as you cried. “Shh, I’ve got you, I’ve got you my love”

Once your sobs had subsided, he led you back to the bed where Ed and Izzy were waiting for you. You immediately jumped into Ed’s arms, burying your face in his chest, the comforting scent of lavender helping to calm you down. “Shh love you’re safe here, we’ve got you” rocking you gently as it you were a baby, it was actually quite comforting.

You were too scared to go back to sleep that night, worried that the nightmares would return as soon as you closed your eyes. “Stede?”

“Yes darling?”

“Will you read to me?”

He smiled at that, one of his favourite things to do is read to his partners, or anyone for that matter. All four of you settled back into bed, Stede had picked a book of fairytales. You laid your head on Stede’s shoulder so you could see the illustrations, Ed curled around your other side, mindful of your injuries, whilst Izzy laid next to him curled around Ed. Eventually you did find yourself drifting off to sleep again, lulled by the sound of Stede’s voice.

Your stomach turned at the sight of breakfast, Stede had asked Roach to put on a full spread for your first morning back, it was a lovely gesture. But you’d been on reduced rations your whole time in the cell, your stomach had shrunk and eating just felt overwhelming to you.

You nibbled on a croissant hoping it wouldn’t be too much for your stomach to handle, all three of your partners watched you as you ate. You knew they were just concerned but it was kinda off putting, plus it was easily going to give away your lack of appetite.

“Why don’t you have some toast and marmalade?” Stede offered.

“I’m fine thanks babe”

“They’ve barely eaten” Izzy interjects, he sounded angry but you knew he was just concerned about you.

“Izzy” Ed warns

“They need to eat Ed, i’m sure those twats barely fed them”

“Izzy’s right, they could get really ill” Stede adds

Whilst the men were discussing you like you weren’t even there, you found yourself bursting into tears. Once again you were burdening the men you loved the most, you wondered if it had been better if you’d died in that cell. Yes they would’ve been upset but they had each other, now they had to worry about you too.

Stede, who was sitting opposite you, was the first one to notice your tears, immediately running over to comfort you. “Oh my darling” brushing away your tears with his thumb. “I’m sorry, we shouldn’t have been talking about you as if you’re not here”

“It’s not your fault i’m so broken”

“Hey, you are in no way broken” he reassured you

“Stede I can’t even eat a stupid croissant without bursting into tears and now you’re all worried about me”

“It’s only because we love you”

“You don’t have to”

Ed’s head snapped up at that “What?”

“You don’t have to be with me anymore, just drop me off at the nearest port, or even just push me over the side of the ship, everyone would be better off”

Your partners stared at you with wide eyes, shocked that you could say such a thing. Izzy couldn’t take it anymore, you cringed at the sound of his chair scraping against the floor as he stood up, storming off and slamming the door behind him. He wasn’t angry with you, he was furious at himself, he had sworn to protect you and failed, and now you were asking them to throw you overboard. Ed followed him after him whilst Stede stayed to comfort you, guiding you over to the sofa so you could cuddle.

“How about a bath darling? I always find them really relaxing”

It was nice to be able to wash off all the grime, it hadn’t exactly been clean in that cell.

Once the bath had been filled with warm water, Stede guided you to the tub, helping you undress without aggravating your injuries too much. The water was soothing even if it made your cuts sting, it was nice to be clean again after so long. Your eyes closed as Stede gently cleaned your skin, it was soothing to be so cared for after everything that’s happened.

“Does Izzy hate me?” You asked him, worrying about why he had stormed out at breakfast.

“What? No darling, he’s just worried about you like we all are”

“I don’t mean to worry everyone”

“I know love, none of this is your fault, we just want to help you”

“What if I- what if I can’t be helped”

“Oh honey, it’s going to be okay, you have us, and the crew and we all love you and want to help you, okay?” You nodded, maybe Stede was right, they’re your family, maybe they can help you to heal. He takes extra care as he washes the dirt and sweat out of your hair, having clean hair again feels amazing.

You’re resting with Stede on the sofa when Ed and Izzy re-enter the cabin, both men look like they’ve been crying which makes your heart sink, knowing it was probably because of you.

“Iz has something to say” Ed nudged his partner forward

“I- um, I wanted to apologise for storming out”

“It’s fine Iz” you promise him “I know you just needed some time” Ok part of you had been convinced that Izzy was angry at you, but deep down you knew he sometimes needed that time alone to think.

“I just wish there was something I could do”

“Iz love, just having you three here with me is enough”

“Hmm” He wasn’t convinced, he’s used to being in control of a situation, he in no way blames you but everything now feels out of whack and he doesn’t know what to do.

You held your hands out gesturing for him to come closer, once he’s in front of him you held his hands in yours. “I mean it Iz, as long as I have you three I’ll be okay” He nodded, a stray tear falling down his cheek, he knew he would be there for you, whatever you needed. He joined you on the sofa, sitting on the other side, whilst Ed sat next to Stede. You had no idea how long you all stayed like that but frankly you didn’t care.

Over the next few weeks you were slowly recovering, your appetite getting a little better day by day, but you were still occasionally plagued by nightmares and there was that constant nagging fear that it would happen again. You knew you wouldn’t survive it a second time.

It didn’t escape anyone’s notice that you were constantly stuck to the side of at least one of your partners at any given time. Once there was an incident where Stede had left you for a second with Jim and Olu and you started freaking out, he definitely didn’t make that mistake again.

You felt pathetic, but even the thought of being apart from them again, albeit even just in another room, was too much to bear. No one ever commented on it, it was just this unspoken new normal for the ship, where your partners were, you weren’t far behind. They were of course worried about you but were happy that you felt comforted by their presence, plus they had to admit it was comforting to them to know you were safe.

This was fine until the ship was raided, meaning you got separated from your partners, you ended up fleeing to one of the secret rooms. As soon as the raid was over they start to panic about where you’d gone, luckily Lucius had seen you flee and points them in the right direction.

They find you curled up in the corner of one of the smallest rooms, this doesn’t dissuade them from joining you though. It’s a tight fit, what with two of your partners being around six foot, but it’s actually quite comforting to be so close.

They don’t say anything, just huddled close, your breaths mingling in the small space. You still had a long way to go but you knew you’d never have to cope alone.

#ofmd fanfic #ofmd x reader #ofmd #steddyhands #steddyhands x reader #stede x reader #blackbeard x reader #izzy hands x reader

[imfinereallyy]

Is this okay?

tw: discussions of panic attacks, discussions sa (nothing graphic or very far, and no assualt happens with steddie), and implied sexual coercion.

Steve knew there was never a good time to have a panic attack.

But this most definitely felt like the absolute worst time.

He was having sex with a girl. He had to clarify that to Robin when he told her he was going on a date; he hadn't gotten the nerve to do the “sex with a guy” thing yet. So he went with what he knew. Besides, there was only one guy Steve really wanted.

But he was having sex with a girl, a girl named Linda, who had given him her number at a diner across town where she worked. Steve had thought she was nice, pretty. Very all-American with her blonde hair, blue eyes and perfectly straight teeth. No matter how pretty she was though, Steve didn’t really feel much for her.

He felt terrible about that. Steve felt like he had wasted her time. He didn’t want Linda to feel that way, so he wanted to ensure she got something out of the date. So when they had finished milkshakes at a different diner than the one she worked at (yea he hadn’t put much thought into the date), he agreed to go back to her place.

He really shouldn’t have agreed to go back to her place.

In retrospect, Steve knew it was wrong to have sex with Linda. Not because having sex on the first date was bad, but because he shouldn't have sex with someone just because he felt bad. Steve imagines if one of the kids did that, or if Robin did that, he would lose his mind. He would be so upset, not with them, but with whomever they felt pressure to do it with. It’s just hard for him to apply to himself.

Guess that’s what valuing yourself for only sex at a young would do to you. King Steve, he could hear them say.

He had ignored his instincts, though, and went back to her place anyway.

It had started fine; it really had. Steve went down on her, wanting to make her feel good. That was the whole point. Steve was excited about that part. But then it came to sealing the deal. Linda wanted him naked, of course. But Steve couldn’t bring himself to take off his shirt. Even months later, he was insecure about the new scars on his body. Steve told Linda he wanted to keep it on.

She had been okay with it at first.

It’s when they were in the middle of it, sweaty bodies colliding with each other, that it happens.

Linda's hands snuck up his shirt, and Steve completely freezes. Steve just full stops in the middle of sex.

“Why did you stop?” Linda asked, exasperated like Steve was annoying her.

“I—just. Your hands.” Steve choked out.

“You’re upset? With my hands under your shirt? Seriously?”

“I—“ Steve felt the pressure begin to build up in his chest. Something was definitely wrong, right on the edge of overflowing.

“Sorry, I guess. Probably better off anyway. I don’t know what happened under there, but it didn’t feel good. Can’t imagine it’s pretty. Can we just get back into it?” Linda tried to pull Steve down for a kiss, but he yanked his head away from her.

Steve was suddenly hyper-aware of everything on his skin. Every stretch, every pull, every lump. Steve swallowed the dry lump in his throat as he tried to calm his breath.

Linda didn’t seem to notice. “C’mon, Steve. I thought I was getting the King out of this. I’ve heard the rumors. I may have graduated the year before you, but even I know how good you make girls feel in bed.” Steve felt dirty. Used. This wasn’t what sex was supposed to be like. Not unless he wanted it like that, and today he had most definitely not wanted that. His breath was coming out in short pants. His hands were sweating. Linda continued, “You’re acting like a freak right now. God. This was such a waste of time.”

Steve was up in an instant, scrambling to get all of his clothes on. He wanted out. Out of this bed. Out of this apartment. Out of his head.

Steve thought that maybe Linda had said something to him on his way out, something that his subconscious must have picked up because he could feel the tears down his face in reaction to her voice. Steve ran out the door, ignoring her.

The rest was kind of a blur.

One second, Steve was throwing himself inside his car, trying to choke himself on his own breath. The next, he was flying down Main Street, with only the flashes of street lights as a reminder to his brain that he was moving.

Then, suddenly, Steve was banging on the metal door of a trailer.

When did he get here? Who’s door is this? What time was it? God, where were his shoes?

Steve leaned his head against the cool metal, as he tried to ground himself. It wasn’t working. He could feel reality slipping from him. He just wanted to fucking breathe.

The trailer door opened just when Steve was contemplating banging his head against it. Steve fell forward, his weight had been entirely against the door, he stumbled slightly before catching himself on the frame.

“Steve?” He heard a confused familiar voice.

Oh thank god, it was Eddie. Eddie would help him. Eddie would know what to do.

“Eddie I—I”

“Stevie, what? What’a wrong?” Steve could see Eddie’s sleepy fast morph into concern. Steve felt bad, probably woke him up. He knew Eddie didn’t get much sleep nowadays. Steve needed to tell him he was sorry.

All that came out, though, was, “I—I can’t breathe.”

Steve hunched over, slamming himself into one side of the frame. Eddie moved to catch him, but hovers his hands instead. Steve saw panic flash across his face.

Steve really needed to say sorry.

He didn’t get to, though, because suddenly Eddie asked, “Can I touch you?”

It shouldn’t have broken him, something as simple as that. It was a simple question. A courtesy, a common fucking decency. Some people didn’t like to be touched during panic attacks, and Steve now understood what was happening, and Eddie was just being kind. It shouldn’t have broken him.

But it did. Steve couldn’t remember the last time someone asked what he had wanted. Especially tonight.

Suddenly Steve was sobbing, throwing himself into Eddie’s awaiting arms. Eddie shushed him softly and brought him inside. “It’ll be okay. Don’t worry. It may be scary now, but it’ll be okay.”

Eddie walked them to the couch, shutting the fire gently behind them. Eddie laid Steve’s head on his shoulder and gently rocked them back and forth for awhile. Eddie whispered sweet nothing in his ears as Steve loudly wept.

Steve wasn’t sure how much time had passed by the time his cries quieted. He pulled back to look at Eddie and rubbed furiously at his eyes. Steve felt the panic still stewing in his chest, but most of it had spilled out.

Eddie brushed a hair behind his ear, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Steve hesitated. He was scared of how Eddie would react. Would he call him dramatic? Would he say that both Linda and he were using each other? That he should be glad that he was getting laid? That someone liked him enough to look past the scars? Steve knew in his heart, though, that Eddie was safe. No matter what Steve said, Eddie would at least try to understand.

“Promise not to be mad?”

“I can promise to not be mad at you. Whatever that made you upset could be a different story. But I promise you sweetheart, I’ll never be mad at you for having feelings.” Eddie grabbed his hand and squeezed it in encouragement.

Steve took a deep breath before speaking. “I was on a date—“ Eddie had a flash of some emotion that Steve couldn’t process entirely at the moment, and it was gone before he could say something. “—And the girl I was with, she was nice. She was pretty. She should be what I want.”

Eddie nodded in encouragement. Steve pushed on. “But the date wasn’t good. It wasn’t bad, not really, just nothing special. It was on me, I didn’t even try. Not really. And I felt so bad that she wasn’t getting much out of it.”

“So you panicked because of a bad—sorry mediocre date? Steve, it’s okay. You don’t owe her anything.” Eddie didn’t sound angry or judgmental. He sounded concerned, if anything. His tone was gentle and warm; Steve didn’t want that to change.

“Please don’t be mad.”

“Steve, I promised you I wouldn’t be.” Again, Eddie’s tone was gentle.

“I felt bad, ya know? I should make the date better. Give her something. So when she asked me to her place, I didn’t say no, and I know I should have said no. But she was nice initially, and I didn’t want to upset her. So I went upstairs—“ Steve started to rush out his words, the panic building up again “—and it was fun at first. I gave oral; I liked that part; I always like making my partners feel good. But then she wanted to have sex, and I—I wanted to keep my shirt on. My scars they—they still feel like they're fresh some days. And I didn’t want to deal with them. And she was good about it at first, I swear! But then she put her hands up my shirt, and I just couldn’t do it. I just, god, Eddie, I just froze. And she was so upset with me. Talked about how she expected better from me. How this wasn’t King Steve. How she was happy, the shirt was on because what was underneath didn’t feel good and…” Steve trailed off.

Eddie looked furious. There was a quiet rage that seeped through his breaths. His shoulders were rigid. Even so, his grip never turned harsh. It never caused Steve pain.

“I’m sorry.” Steve whispered.

“Don’t. Don’t be sorry Steve. It’s okay. Continue if you like.” Eddie choked out but sounded sincere.

Steve looked directly into his eyes for a moment before deciding to continue. “I was panicking. I couldn’t breathe, Eddie. And she still…she still wanted to continue. Like, pretend I wasn’t about to have a psychotic break. And I just felt like this thing. Like I was an object to be used and discarded, and I couldn’t—I couldn’t stay there. I just left. And I probably freaked her out and gave her the worst night of her life, and I—“

Eddie cut him off by bring his hands to Steve’s face and gently brushed his tears away. “Ssshh, you didn’t—you didn’t do anything wrong. Okay?”

Steve nodded furiously unable to speak.

Eddie held eye contact as he spoke. “I want you to listen to me alright? I got a couple of things to say but I need you to tell me if it’s too much? This is not about me. You won’t hurt my feelings. Okay?

Steve nodded again.

“Honey, I need you to say it.”

“Okay.”

Eddie let out a shaky breath. He didn’t let go of Steve’s face, gently cradled it as he began again. “First off, I am not mad at you. You did nothing wrong. Nothing Steve. I’m mad at her. She—She doesn’t get to touch you like that. Not if you don’t want her to. Even if you didn’t say it, you were clearly not enjoying yourself. And she didn’t care. She disregarded your feelings multiple times and even made fun of you, and guilted you into doing more than you’re comfortable with. I know it’s difficult to hear, but what she did was assault.”

Steve tried to protest, “I consented. I did that because I wanted to—”

Eddie cut him off but wasn't unkind in doing so. “Steve. If you felt guilty for not wanting to do anything with her, so you did something anyway to make her feel better, that isn’t consent. But I can’t label it for you. If you feel otherwise, it’s not my place to tell you. I’m here for you either way. But I’m going to tell you something. Not the whole thing, not right now. Maybe another day. This isn’t about me, though. I just think you might need to hear it.”

Steve nodded again.

Eddie slid his hands down to Steve’s hips like it was his turn to ground himself. Steve didn’t mind. “A couple of years ago, I was in my first relationship. I’m gay, as you know, so being open wasn’t really an option. No one could tell me right from wrong because no one knew. I lost my virginity to this guy; he was a couple of years older. I definitely knew what he was doing even though I didn’t. We had sex all the time. But one day, I wasn’t in the mood. It happens. But…but he made me feel so guilty about it. Like I had hurt him, told him he was the problem. Like there was a problem at all, like I didn’t simply want to have sex, he has made it about me having internalized homophobia, about how I didn’t really love him, how I was selfish. So I caved. I had sex with him anyway. And then I went home that night. Went back to the trailer, only to find Wayne had the rare night off that night. When I saw him, I burst into tears and told him what had happened. He hadn’t even known I was gay. He didn’t care, though, about any of it. But he had to explain to me that it didn’t matter what gender it was; if I didn’t want to have sex, that was up to me that I didn’t need to prove anything. And that anyone who said otherwise didn’t actually care about me.”

Steve was no longer in a panic, but his tears didn’t stop. He was so, so sad. Sad for Eddie. For himself.

“How do you feel now? About it all?” Steve spoke for the first time in ten minutes.

Eddie shrugged. He squeezed Steve’s hips. “Good some days. Bad others. Better overall. I’ll never be completely over it. I know that, but I—I have good things now to help me through it.” Eddie pointedly looked at Steve, a soft smile on his face.

Steve thought about saying sorry to him. That he was sorry that ever happened, but he knew that, like himself, Eddie wouldn’t want that. So Steve settled on the truth. “I don’t know what to call it. I think—I know I didn’t like it. And I know it hurt even if it wasn’t physical. I still feel like I did something wrong. Even if I know I didn’t. I’m worried I’ll change my mind and that I’ll be wrong.”

Eddie leaned his forehead against Steve’s. “You can always change your mind about this, but you’ll never be wrong. You will not be wrong about your feelings.”

“Okay.”

“I think we should talk more about this, but you’ve had a long night. Do you want to stay tonight? I can stay on the couch; you can have my bed. I don’t really want you too far. You scared me a bit today—which again isn’t your fault. But if you’re okay with it, I want to be here to help.”

Steve swallowed another dry lump. The emotion this time was good. Overwhelmed with the care Eddie was giving him, he responded “You don’t have to stay on the couch. We can share.”

Eddie tensed, “Steve, don’t offer just cause I might be uncomfortable.”

Steve soothed a hand down Eddie’s arm. “I didn’t mean it like that. I would like it, if, ya know, you stayed with me. Just lay next to me. If that’s alright with you.”

Eddie smiled softly, “Only if you’re sure it’s okay.”

They get ready for bed after that. Eddie, already in pj’s, handed Steve an old Metallica shirt with holes in it and plaid pants. He changed in the bathroom despite having undressed in front of Eddie before. Steve wasn’t sure he was ready to be naked in front of another person yet.

After a few minutes, Eddie and Steve got comfortable in bed. Hair splayed out in the pillows and cozy under the covers, both boys just stared at the ceiling. “Would you…would you touch me, Eddie? Just…just need to know you’re there.” Steve felt silly saying it; he could see Eddie right there. He wasn’t making much sense.

Eddie seemed to get it, though. “Of course, baby.” He shifted to his side and moved Steve along with him until they were spooning. Eddie wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist and pulled him flush against his chest.

Steve could feel Eddie’s hot breath against his neck. In any other scenario with him, it might have been a charged moment. Now it was different. Better even. It was solace.

“Is this okay?” Eddie whispered into the dark room.

Steve thought about his night. How awful it was, how it probably would get worse before it got better. That he had a lot to work on, but there in the bed where Eddie held him tightly, safely, Steve couldn’t help but feel relief. He knew this was the place he needed to be. No matter how bad the day went, Eddie would support him. Love him.

“Yea, it’s okay.”

———

this was heavy and very personal. It honestly did start off as a panic attack fic but as usual I spiraled. This one though like spiraled in a different way then usual. It felt like something I needed to get out. I know probably three people will read it and no one will probably enjoy it, but it felt good to write it. I think I might write an extended version part on ao3, there were parts in it that felt rush or could have been more.

this again felt more personal (even though my fics are always at least a little personal) so be kind.

If you, a friend or family member may have experienced something like the content of this story please feel free to reach out. Whether that be to me, a friend, or a helpline. My inbox is always open. Be kind to yourself and others 🧡

#steddie #I would love it if you gave this a read #Cw: implied sa #cw: panic attack #cw: just a lot of feelings #stranger things #steve x eddie #hurt/comfort #angst #hopeful ending #angst with a hopeful ending #this was healing #and validating #I’m here if you need #steve harrington centric #Steve Harrington #ao3 #ficlet #long fic #Eddie munson loves Steve Harrington #and he loves him back #pre relationship #my writing #steddie fic #steddie fanfic #discussions of dark themes #original character #Linda sucks but not all Linda’s just this one #robin buckley #only mentioned

[leelee1234love]

Robby Keene Fluff Alphabet

18+ Minors DNI!!!

Full Masterlist

Cobra Kai Masterlist

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

He loves watching movies with you and cuddling whilst listening to music.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He loves your hair , he loves playing with it and making hairstyles or shapes with it while your focusing on something or asleep.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

He would sit with you and try to talk to you softly and get your mind off of what was causing your attack , if it was a place he would take you back to his house or somewhere else.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

He pictures you guys happily together with a dog and your dream apartment/house with your dream jobs.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

He's quite passive but he can be quite dominant too , but your both equal and try not to be overly either.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

He would forgive you quite easily because be hated fighting with you because you was the only person he's every really cared about besides his mum. so he would give you space before talking to you about both of your feelings and talking things through.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He's very grateful for you and sometimes thinks your a gift from god or an angel dent from heaven , he loves you and cherishes every moment with you.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

He doesn't have any secrets and if he did he wouldn't be able to hide it from you for more than a week , he would break and Feel bad for lying.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

You helped him emotionally and you got him to talk about his feelings to you , and he did the same for you.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He gets jealous easily and he will come up to you and give you a big kiss before looking at the guy and asking you who he is , eventually the guy would leave after Robby gave you another kiss and wrapped his arm around your waist , holding you closer to him.

K iss - Are they a good kisser?

What was the first kiss like?

He's a great kisser. Robby took you to the skate park and you had to leave since your dad was waiting in the car for you "bye swayze I've gotta go" you said giving him a kiss and he couldn't comprehend what happened but after a couple seconds he realised and couldn't hold in his smile "bye Y/N" he said and waved with a big smile still shocked from what happened.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

You guys were in his bed cuddling , he was laying with his head on top of you stomach and his body in between your legs , you was playing with his hair while watching the movie that was on. "I love you" Robby said softly and you couldn't tell if you was hallucinating or not. "Mhm?" You asked in case you heard him wrong "I love you" he said again "I love you too" you answered blushing a little.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

He always says he wants to get married and he wants it on a beach with beautiful clear water and white soft sand. You was about to ask him something when you turned around and he was on me knee with a ring "Y/N will you marry me?" He said looking up at you with love in his eyes "YES" you said jumping into his arms and wrapping you legs around his waist as he kissed you passionately.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

He loves calling you Baby whilst cuddling and calling you cutie randomly every now and then.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

He will just look at you and admire you , that's how people began to notice it because he would just sit or stand there and just watch you from afar (not in a creepy way lol).

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He loves bragging about you and telling people about you and he doesn't mind giving you kisses in public.

Q uirk - Some random ability they

have that's beneficial in a relationship.

He knows when your social battery is low or completely gone. He will tell people that you and him are going home because it's getting late or you have plans. And he will cuddle you when you get home "thanks sometimes it's just so draining" you said and Robby smiled "it's okay i know you have a low social battery" he said mad kissed your head.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He would do dinner dates and movie marathons with you and he didn't care if it was cliche or not as long as you both were happy and Enjoyed it.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

He loves helping you and watching you learn from him like in karate or in school.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

He likes trying new things out but he likes to have some things the same like the important things he loves.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He knows you very well and he will always as comfort you and listen to you as long or as much as you need.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it's worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Your relationship is very important to him and he would give up lots for it because he knows how much you love eachother and how much he loves your relationship.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He always puts your favourite cup on the bottom shelf so you can reach it and if you are giving him the silent treatment he'll put it at the top so you have to ask him to get it for you.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

He loves cuddling and kisses , he's very affectionate and loves being big spoon and little spoon.

Y earning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?

He tries to forget about it during the day and will text you or call you throughout the day to check up on you and see how you are.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

He would go to great lengths for your relationship like he would give up karate for you.

#robby Keene #robby #robby keene x you #robby keene fic #robby keene x reader #cobra Kai #karate kid #fanficiton #fanfic #x reader #x you

[marvelmusing]

Hey! I just saw your post from yesterday about not feeling well and as someone who's constantly ill because of a very severe anxiety disorder and some other bad health problems I'm gonna try an do my best to help you cheer up (or distract you I guess?) :)

Based on the asks you've already answered you got a lot of Billy stuff so I'm gonna share an Aleksander headcanon of mine instead in hopes that it'll help.

I feel like Aleksander is the type of person to never really hug people in public, not even his romantic partner. He's just not really used to touching people because of the whole amplification problem (and the whole Grisha aren't really save anywhere part ofc). However, if he ends up really trusting and loving someone he probably hugs them a lot in private to make up for the lack of physical contact in public.

And I don't mean normal hugs, I mean full on almost folding himself in half to get as much contact as possible type hugs.

He's also probably the type of guy to hug you almost to death while you sleep, pulling you as close as possible with either a hand or his full head on your chest so he can feel/hear your heartbeat and know you're safe and alive.

The type of man to hold hands during any and all activities while in private (unless it's literally impossible) and then stand at least two metres away from you as soon as you're outside, but always kind of hovering around you to make sure he can protect you if things go south. (this is taking a Aleksander is paranoid and touch starved turn that I did not expect or plan)

It's probably even worse after really stressful days, don't even get me started on how bad it would be after a few weeks or even months apart. He would probably spend a whole weekend after his return just in his rooms with you, glued to your side, holding you like his life depends on it. (Oh and imagine you're not the sun summoner! Just a mortal with a very limited life span. He would feel so guilty for leaving- okay now I'm rambling)

I hope you feel better soon! If you want more headcanons just say the word and I'll do my best to come up with more stuff :)

Thank you lovely, my anxiety is half the reason I’m in such a state at the moment (I ended up passing out on my walk home and falling on my face, but luckily didn’t need stitches otherwise I would have had another panic attack)

Anywayyyy…

Touch starved Aleksander is one of my favourite headcanons and having his love interest either unable to feel his amplification or suppress it in some way is something I usually try and put into my fics because he deserves all the cuddles.

Also YES. I am a firm believer that Aleksander gives the most all consuming hugs that vow to protect you from the rest of the world. Like if I could stay in his arms for the rest of my life I would be so unbelievably happy.

Even in public, he’s aching to be close to you, his fingers tracing over the back of your chair as he walks by you, or his legs stretched out, his foot resting casually beside yours under the table if he’s sitting opposite you. He always has his eyes on you, and is acutely aware of what you’re doing whenever you’re in his vicinity.

I’m imagining the first time you share a bed, and he’s tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable. You mumble sleepily at him, encouraging him to move closer to you. You’re only intending to stroke your fingers through his hair in an attempt at settling him, but then he rests his head against your chest and something just clicks. Neither of you can sleep well alone after that moment.

I also think he just loves skin to skin contact once he finds someone he trusts. Like it might take him some time for him to be comfortable with being touched, but he loves touching you. Tracing his fingers along your bare back as you’re lying in bed, smoothing his hands underneath the collar of your shirt to squeeze at your shoulders, or even just resting his head on your bare thighs.

He definitely feels guilty about spending time away from you, and tries his absolute hardest to make up for the time lost when he finally returns.

I’m always happy to hear headcanons about my favourite characters, but don’t feel pressured to amuse me 😂

#aleksander morozova #my love aleksander #aleksander morozova x reader #the darkling x reader #the darkling x y/n #the darkling x you #thanks for the ask! #answered asks #lovely people

[little-lego-ninjas]

lightning in a bottle (burning full throttle)

Guess what I just posted on AO3 guys???? Are you excited, because I am! I'm actually really proud of this monster (it's 12.6k words h e l p), and I hope you guys like reading it as much as I liked writing it!

Fair warning, this is filled to the brim with queerness (as a queer myself, I could not resist the fruit ninja), so read with caution ig lmao.

Gun tw, and some minor injuries (somebody gets shot, but it's minor), slurs (not actually written bc i am too soft for it but wanted to include it bc i have had bad race-related encounters lately, and i protect my friends from toxic people as much as possible), ptsd, anxiety, anxiey/panic attack, gender issues, y'know the works.

There's probably a few more i can't think of rn, but all the tags are on AO3 if you feel the need to check! Nothing super insane happens (no weird age stuff or sex), so enjoy!!

AO3 link in case you wanna read it over there or leave a big comment or something i dunno. For you <3.

Fic below the cut bc it's too damn long.

"Okay, have we all got our roles down?" Lloyd asked at the head of the dining room table, papers and maps and blueprints scattered around him. His hair was a mess, blond waves tangled together and falling into his face. No doubt from staying up all night, finalizing and piecing everything together.

Cole nodded, his arms crossed over his chest. "I've got mine."

"I do as well," Zane added, his fingers threaded together atop the table.

Kai sighed before anyone else could say they had everything ready. "Why do I have to go in disguise? Shouldn't we let Zane do it?"

Pixal answered before Lloyd could open his mouth, her green eyes hard. "Kai, we have already discussed why you and Jay are going in disguise. Zane's cloaking software is down, mine is nowhere near the level his is, and Cole is going in disguise too."

She arched a brow at him. "I don't see the issue."

Kai gestured around the table, chest tight. "I'm going to be in a party while Nya, Lloyd, and you," he shot a blatant look at Pixal, "try to stop an assassin."

"Sorry for worrying like a good brother would," he grumbled as an afterthought.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, making him glance over to see who it was. Nya looked mildly annoyed, but mostly sympathetic, which was a good sign. "Kai, you know you aren't just going to a party."

"I know, I just-"

"Get worried." Jay finished, his chin resting in his hands. "We know. But this is serious stuff, me and you are going to protect Cyrus Borg."

When his name was uttered, Pixal looked down at her hands. Zane reached across the table, taking one of her hands. "We will not let anything happen to him, Pixal."

Pixal looked up, nodding. She didn't say anything though. Kai could understand her concerns, considering it was her father that they were attempting to save from an untimely death. Kai couldn’t imagine having to be in her position, and it only gave him more empathy towards her for being so strong about the entire subject. It couldn’t have been an easy thing to listen to, or talk about.

Cole nudged Zane’s shoulder, his expression a mixture of his usual soft one and a slightly more serious one reminiscent of his younger days of leading the team. “Besides, we have more help too. Skylor and some of the other elemental masters, right Lloyd?”

Lloyd nodded, digging through the scattered papers until he could find the one he had written all their names on. “Most of them helped with the resistance, so we’re in good hands. That assassin won’t know what hit them, Pix.”

Pixal pursed her lips, then stood. “Fantastic. I’ll go ensure my weaponry is ready and functional.”

Nya’s gaze followed the girl who had taken up her old mantle, the blue in her eyes holding a depth Kai had begun to notice whenever his little sister looked at Pixal. Nya sighed, pushing her chair away from the table. “I feel so bad for her.”

Zane nodded, his fingers threaded together again, something the nindroid had begun to do after his time in the NeverRealm. “I do as well, but we mustn’t let our worries consume the mission. We cannot fail.”

Cole rubbed Zane’s shoulder. “We won’t, Z. We won’t.”

Zane didn’t look convinced, but he did shoot Cole a smile that the other boy returned. Kai watched them all silently, his chest still tight with the idea of letting them risk their lives while he stayed inside at a party. It felt wrong and like he was slacking off, even though he knew he had an important role to play. A hand ruffled at his hair, snagging his attention. He shot a glare at Jay, who had an impish little smirk on his lips.

“Don’t you ruin this for me, Kai. It’s the anniversary of Borg’s empire!” Jay sighed with delight, earning several eye-rolls that he ignored. “What a legend.”

Kai scoffed, standing up. “Remember that we’re there to protect Cyrus, not party.”

Jay waved his hand. “Duh. Just think it’s neat.”

Lloyd hummed, shifting through his papers again. “Since it’s a pretty exclusive party, I think you two should really dress the part. High-class and stuff.”

Kai grinned. “I have just the suit.”

///

Kai tugged at his tie in mild annoyance, shooting a glare at his reflection. He didn't like the idea of just sitting on the sidelines while everyone else ran around playing hero. It didn't sit right with him to not be in the heat of the matter, but rather going incognito to better blend in.

Granted, Zane was pretending to be the intern who double-checked invitations, and Cole was one of the guards at the entrance, but still. If the news from Skylor handed down to her through the pipeline of elemental masters was true, which it was, Cyrus Borg was set to be a prime target to be assassinated tonight during his company's anniversary party.

Kai wanted to be the guy beating up the assassin, not hiding in a crowd of rich tech-heads, but he had to begrudgingly agree with Lloyd's plan. It was the best course of action, the best set-up to ensure Cyrus Borg and everyone attending the party would be safe. He just hated the idea of his family risking their lives without him beside them.

Heaving a sigh, Kai glanced at his reflection again, tugging at the cuffs of his sleeves. He had to admit, he looked nice. The suit was a bit darker than he would have chosen for himself, but it wasn't too terrible. It was fitted just enough to benefit his shape, but not overly so. His hair was what was bothering him the most, if he was being honest.

Instead of its usual spiked style, his hair looked much like it did when he was wet, falling into his eyes enough to bother him. Kai scrubbed his fingers through his hair again, grumbling under his breath as he did so. Maybe Nya was right when she said he needed a haircut.

"Kai."

Kai met his sister's eyes in the mirror. She was in her gi, only serving to remind Kai of the danger she was about to put herself in. "Yeah?"

Nya's lips twitched, as if she was fighting off a smile. "Have you been brooding this whole time?"

Kai opened his mouth, then clicked his tongue. " No ."

His sister stepped closer to him, turning him away from the mirror. "I know what you're stewing over, okay? But I think you need to see your boyfriend."

Kai knit his brows together. "Is Jay not helping me survey the party in disguise?"

"No," Nya said with a shake of her head. "He's still helping you, but I meant see like look at him because, uh."

Her cheeks pinkened. "He looks great."

Kai snorted, elbowing Nya. "You are such a bi disaster."

"Wha- says the pan disaster!" Nya sputtered as Kai left his bedroom, heading for Jay's.

He chuckled under his breath at the sound of Nya's grumbles, stopping before Jay's door. Knocking, Kai opened his mouth to ask if he could enter, but Jay interrupted him.

"Come in!"

Kai pushed the door open, a smile on his face and words on his tongue, only for his mouth to go dry at the sight of Jay in front of his bedroom mirror. Now, Kai had no doubts in his mind that Jay was attractive- and super fucking adorable -but he'd always seen Jay as pretty, or cute.

Drop-dead gorgeous was not a term he used lightly, and in this case, he meant it as if it was a precious sacred statement by the First Spinjitzu Master himself, which was to say, he was not anywhere close to joking about it. Jay cleaned up nice, and Kai had never really gotten to see it before.

Now though, Jay was fiddling with a silver hoop earring as Kai openly gaped at him, eyes drinking in every inch of his boyfriend. When Lloyd had suggested that Kai and Jay go together as a rich couple, Kai hadn't disputed the rich couple part, but he had figured it would be him and Jay in suits and showing up holding hands or something.

He had not expected to find Jay in a dress.

Not just any dress, no. Jay had found the most beautiful shade of midnight blue to ever exist, the color making his eyes that much more electric and enticing. The dress itself was fitted all the way down to the hemline, going to the top of Jay's toes. It had a sheath neckline, the material lying around Jay like a necklace, forming an upside down v that covered his chest entirely, but left part of his collarbones free.

Where sleeves would be, fingerless gloves of the same material encased his wrist up, stopping at the middle of Jay's biceps, freckled shoulders on full display. Jay smiled at his reflection, fingers playing with his silver hoop earrings before he noticed Kai had stepped inside of his bedroom. Jay's cheeks colored. "O-oh. I thought you were Nya."

Jay turned to face Kai, and Kai got a wonderful view of the thigh-high leg slit the dress had. If his mouth had been dry before, it was dust now. Just the sight was doing something to him, and he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Is it too much?" Jay asked, fingers playing with each other. "I figured fancy party meant fancy, and this is the fanciest thing I've really got so…"

Kai found his voice when Jay trailed off, looking so defeated that Kai wanted to punch whatever had made him feel that way. Since he was pretty sure he had done that, Kai decided that punching himself before going undercover was a really stupid idea. He didn't want to sport a black eye and draw attention to himself. 

"No!" He exclaimed, grabbing Jay's hands, noticing blue nail polish on his nails, matching his dress. "No, you look… wow."

Jay's blush worsened, his smile a little embarrassed. "I thought you'd think my hair was stupid."

Kai knit his brows, studying the usually messy curls that were in some semblance of order. And they were longer than Kai recalled them being just three hours ago. Curious, he shifted his fingers through the chestnut hair, amazed that the curls stretched down to the base of Jay's neck before springing back up to rest lightly under his earlobes.

"It's beautiful."

Kai cleared his throat when he saw how soft Jay's gaze had turned. "Uh, I mean, not as good as mine, you know. Still good though."

Jay's smile shifted into a smirk. "Uh-huh."

Not wanting to give Jay more ammo than he already had, Kai gestured at Jay's dress. "So, any particular reason for that? Asides to be sexy, I mean."

Jay flushed terribly at that, swatting at Kai's shoulder. "I figured a guy and a girl would be less attention-grabbing than two guys for us going undercover."

Kai must have made a sour expression because Jay shook his head. "No, I made the choice, I'm fine."

Kai pursed his lips. "I know you, Jay. If you look the tiniest bit uncomfortable, we're finding you the manliest suit ever to bash any dysphoria, got it?"

Jay laughed at that, drawing Kai's attention to his face, the way his freckles bunched up whenever he laughed, along with the delicate black lines surrounding his boyfriend's eyes. Jay had actually gone and put makeup on, which Kai hadn't seen in a very long time. Heat pooled into Kai's body, his lips itching to meet Jay's. "I- I'm serious. No dysphoria will ruin your night on my watch."

Jay nodded, a small smile on his lips. "Thanks, but I'll let you know if it gets to be too much, okay?"

Kai sighed, but relented at the lightning ninja's pointed gaze. "Alright, fine. But seriously, if you get misgendered, I might hit someone out of reflex alone."

Jay snorted, moving around Kai to get to his bed. Kai watched him, unsure of what else to say. Another compliment? Jay tugged a pair of strappy black heels out of a box from under his bed. "Restrain yourself, babe."

Kai stiffened at the word, every nerve alight with want. In the end, he was a weak man, a man who just wanted Jay to feel comfortable in his skin, to kiss on Jay and touch him reverently, and breathe promises of love against freckled skin. Kai crossed the room to Jay easily, the lightning ninja still busy putting on his heels.

(Which were also unfairly attractive on Jay, but Kai would circle back to that later.)

Jay glanced up when Kai tapped his bare shoulder, his expression playful. "Hm?"

Kai scowled at Jay, nudging his boyfriend backwards until he could pin him against the mattress. "You know what you're doing."

Jay laughed softly, twining his arms around Kai's neck, fingers playing with his hair. "You look hot too, by the way."

Kai winked, "You know it."

Jay rolled his eyes and Kai locked their lips together, not entirely aware of the world around him anymore. Jay was more important than the world, clearly and obviously. He pulled back only to dive right back in, tongue running along the ever-soft lips of his lover, Jay making a delicate sound underneath him. Kai felt a heel nudge his hip, hands tightening in his hair.

The kiss deepened, Kai's tongue tracing the inside of Jay's mouth, small shocks crossing from Jay to Kai, barely there moments of electricity that made Kai shudder and kiss Jay harder, eager for a bigger reaction. Before he could cross that line, Jay pushed him up and away from his lips a little, blue eyes meeting amber.

"Kai," Jay whispered, lips so pink and plump and Kai really didn't want to stop. "The mission?"

Kai pursed his lips, then kissed Jay again, a soft peck instead of the passionate one he wanted to continue. "After, if we aren't exhausted, I'll pick up where we left off."

Jay nodded, cheeks flushed but his eyes bright with excitement at the promise. "Sounds like a plan."

Kai crawled off of Jay, halting halfway off at the sight of Jay's leg being mostly uncovered from the slit in the dress. Teasingly, Kai drug his fingertips against the soft skin as he finished crawling off of Jay, hearing his boyfriend gasp prettily. Kai adjusted his suit jacket, then ran his fingers through his hair again.

He shot Jay a puzzled glance that was mostly fake. "Are you coming?"

Jay looked breathless, cheeks even darker than before. "You- You fucker."

Kai, unable to help himself, shot Jay a wink as he made his way out of the room. "I do try."

Kai got smacked upside the head with Mr. Cuddlywomp, but hey, it was worth it in his eyes. He needed something good to keep his mind away from the dark thoughts of potential failure tonight.

///

Kai had to gape at the light show that was occurring at Borg’s tower, the building glowing in prismatic colors and holographic words that screamed the reason for the party. He had to admit it was pretty, but with Jay on his arm, it wasn’t comparable in the slightest. Shooting a glance at his boyfriend, he found Jay’s electric blue eyes alight with wonder, his lips shaping words that Kai could barely hear.

“What was that last bit?” He asked, grinning when Jay flushed.

“O-oh.” Jay twirled one of his curls around his finger, nervous. “Just… it’s pretty.”

Kai nodded, nodding towards the line of equally lavishly dressed individuals, pointing Jay in the right direction. His boyfriend was a little overwhelmed by the lights and the people, and Kai was one-hundred percent okay with being the grounding point for him. Quietly, Kai ducked his head to whisper against Jay’s ear as they got into the line. “If you feel bad, let me know.”

Jay nodded, his eyes darting from one head to another, analyzing and categorizing them the way he did. Kai hadn’t understood it at one point in his life, thinking Jay was just easily distracted (which was true), but now he knew it was how Jay dealt with getting overwhelmed. He counted how many other people he might have to interact with, how many blinding lights would flash, how they spoke or reacted so he could match them.

It was how he coped, and Kai could see why. He had done it a couple of times, only to find it very helpful. Granted, he sucked at mimicking other people, but he did try his best if his unhoned skills would be useful. Sometimes he looked back to the time he pretended to be his father and cringed. How Nya had perfectly emulated their mother’s voice was lost on him, but it was impressive all the same.

Turning his attention back to the line, Kai found two security guards only a few people ahead of them. One was a nindroid, the other was Cole. Cyrus Borg was only loosely aware of the threat looming over him when Lloyd had contacted him prior to the party about the lead they had, but he hadn’t disagreed with anything the ninja had suggested they do. As long as they didn’t destroy his tower or harm his guests, the scientist was okay with them playing dress-up.

Kai understood why Lloyd had ultimately decided against telling Borg the entire reason they were attending his anniversary party incognito. If Cyrus Borg knew about the threat, he would cancel the party and force the assassin to try another time, which would leave Borg paranoid and the ninja in the dark about when the assassin would try again. That didn't mean Kai liked withholding information though.

When Jay tapped at Kai’s arm, he felt a brief second of worry, only to find a small smile on Jay’s lips. The lightning ninja was holding back a giggle. “Kai, look behind us.”

Curious, Kai did as he was instructed, almost laughing himself. Directly behind them stood Dareth, dressed surprisingly nicely with an invitation in his hand, holding a conversation with a rather wealthy-looking elderly couple that looked entertained by him. Kai snickered under his breath, setting off Jay’s giggles. “How on earth did he get an invite?”

Jay shrugged. “I think he won the civilian raffle for invitations? He’s like Borg's biggest fan.”

Kai arched his brow. “But baby, I thought that was you?”

Jay’s blushing cheeks were a perfect reward, and he didn’t get a chance to retaliate before they reached security. Kai showed both Cole and the nindroid their invitations, then pocketed them again. The nindroid studied them, then shared a glance with Cole, who shrugged. 

“Hate to be that guy,” Cole started, pushing off of the door jam he had been leaning against, “but I need to check for concealed weapons.”

Kai made a big show of sighing loudly, unlinking his arm from Jay’s. “Oh, if you must.”

Jay opened his purse, revealing a rather nice wallet and some miscellaneous items. “Nothing but my emergency make-up.”

Kai almost jerked his head around at the sound of Jay’s voice, so light and airy. Cole looked momentarily stunned too, clearing his throat awkwardly. “Er, yeah. You’re good.”

The nindroid nodded, gesturing to the open doors. “Please enjoy your evening.”

Kai shot him a grin, sliding his arm around Jay’s waist. “I’m sure we will.”

The entryway had been filled with streamers and balloons, all sorts of people wandering around and laughing together before they headed for the elevators. Before he and Jay could get that far though, their invitations would be checked for authenticity by the intern at the front desk, who happened to be Zane in disguise. It wasn’t as effective as his cloaking device, but he still looked every bit the part of the nerdy guy who ran the desk.

Zane had even modulated his voice to better fit the role, slightly nervous at being handed so much power and responsibility by someone so high above him. “May I see your invitations?”

Kai handed the papers over, feigning indifference while Jay looked around with wide blue eyes. Zane nodded after a moment, “You’re on the list, thank you for attending!”

Jay smiled sweetly and Kai nodded, both of them making for the elevators. The party was held at the top floor, normally Borg’s office but remodeled for a skyline view and filled with hors d'oeuvres and champagne for the occasion. Kai couldn't quite understand how the assassin could get a shot with all those windows, but he wouldn't underestimate the possibility.

He hoped everything was going well on the other end of the mission, and that Lloyd, Nya, and Pixal had managed to get into position with no issues. He wouldn’t be able to check his comm until later, after he could make for the bathroom without drawing suspicion.

When the elevator doors closed, Kai slumped slightly. “Who knew I would already be tired?”

Jay shrugged, a tube of mascara in hand, squinting at his reflection in the elevator’s mirror. “Pretending is hard.”

There was a depth inside those words that Kai wanted to understand, but he decided to broach the topic later. Instead, he watched as Jay messed with his eyelashes, even though they were fine. “Jay?”

“Hm?”

“Don’t be nervous.”

Jay laughed, capping the tube and dropping it back inside of his purse. “That’s difficult for me.”

Kai nodded, taking one of Jay’s hands, pressing a kiss to his palm. “I know.”

Jay rolled his eyes, watching as they climbed floors. “Ready to do some more pretending, hot stuff?”

Kai laughed, pulling Jay flush against him for a split-second, relishing in the closeness before he shifted their positions again, arm around Jay's waistline. “Always.”

Jay was flushed when the doors opened, shooting Kai a dirty look that made him grin. His grin faltered when he caught sight of Cyrus Borg, falling back into mission mode with ease. The inventor was holding a glass of champagne in one hand, laughing with a group of people Kai had seen around the building, no doubt some of his employees.

Kai and Jay stepped out of the elevator, and Kai skimmed the room, mentally labeling anything that could be useful. He faltered at the crowd though. There were so many people all dressed so nicely that it left Kai reeling, so many sparkling bits of jewelry and finery that was foreign to him.

If he felt broke, he had no idea how much worse Jay felt. Kai knew how the lightning ninja got sometimes, wishing he had enough money to give his parents everything they deserved to have. Kai felt the same way sometimes, but he knew it lurked in the back of Jay's head more than his own. After so much time, Jay still felt as if he had something to prove, to show he wasn't just some kid from a junkyard.

Why? Kai wasn't entirely sure. Kai tightened his hold around Jay's waist, getting his boyfriend to look up at him, inquisitive eyes meeting his own.

“Split up?" He suggested, watching Jay closely for any sign of distress.

Jay nodded, nudging Kai towards the table with hors d'oeuvres and flutes of champagne. “Go be a gentleman and get me a drink.”

Kai bowed playfully, taking Jay’s hand and pressing a kiss to his ring finger. “Of course, darling.”

Jay laughed softly, shoving Kai away. Kai watched him for a second, then made for the table, scanning the faces around him. Any one of them could be the person after Borg, even if they would have had hell getting past both Cole and Zane. He couldn’t let his guard down, not even for getting in-character. To passerby, he would simply look a little nervous, something many people around him would relate to.

The table held more than just drinks and hors d'oeuvres upon closer inspection. It also held all sorts of pastries that made Kai's mouth water. It took more restraint than he had hoped it would to prevent himself from sampling them all. Maybe it had been for the best that Cole wasn't at the party, considering his rather glaring weakness for desserts.

Kai snagged two flutes of champagne, then glanced out at the sea of posh strangers, his heart beginning to thud against his ribs. What happened to his charisma? He could handle this. It wasn't hard, putting on a fake front, he had done it multiple times over the years. Somehow though, the idea of faking for multi-millionaires felt… dangerous.

It hadn't stopped Jay from immediately becoming popular though, several ladies dressed in their own stunning finery had surrounded him, complimenting his dress and asking him questions that he answered easily. Kai pursed his lips, glancing back at the table before he snagged one of the pastries, shifting the glasses to one hand as he placed it on a napkin to take over to Jay.

Jay tended to do better if he felt secure and had someone he cared for close by. Kai knew the pastry would be an added bonus, considering Jay's love of desserts. The champagne was a pretense, something that might be sipped once or twice, but ultimately ignored. Kai scanned the crowd again, plotting out the exact path he would need to make it to Jay.

"Huh, didn't think you'd be here."

Kai flinched at the words, nearly spilling champagne on the floor. His gaze landed on an all-too familiar face, one that made him a little happy, a little angry, and mostly confused.

"Ronin?"

///

Cole tried to maintain his focus as he watched Jay and Kai vanish inside of the building, but it was hard. He had no clue what to expect, and honestly the evening had been borderline boring. It would have been completely boring if the adrenaline from the idea of an assassin trying to kill Borg wasn't at the forefront of his mind, but still. He was growing impatient just standing in place.

He almost choked when he saw who was next in line, Dareth grinning at him before his brows dipped together. Cole watched as the nindroid examined Dareth's invitation, assigning a name with a face, but the brown ninja's gaze remained locked on Cole the entire time. Cole couldn't help but think of the last time he had seen Dareth in disguise, how easily the older man had seen through it.

This time, it seemed, was no different. Dareth snapped his fingers and pointed at him. "Cole! I knew that was you!"

Cole pressed his lips together tightly. "Hey Dareth."

"When'd you get a side gig?"

Cole shrugged, gesturing for Dareth to come closer so he could check for weapons, which he heavily doubted he would find, but protocol was protocol. After ensuring the man was weaponless, he gestured through the open doors to the desk where Zane was stationed. "Have fun Dareth, you're cleared."

Dareth grinned at him, happily crossing the threshold. "Thanks dude!"

Cole shook his head with a small smile. Sometimes Dareth was just the thing that helped them ensure everything went according to plan. Maybe this was one of those times. After all, Dareth was the man who had done everything in his power to help them anyway he possibly could, no matter the risks he faced because of it.

"A hem."

Cole snapped his attention back to the world around him, rather than the one inside of his head. He found an elderly couple sharing aggravated looks between one another, and his nindroid companion looking exasperated.

"Sir, it's only protocol," the nindroid started, only to be cut off by the man, who flicked his hand at both the nindroid and Cole.

"Nonsense is what it is! An over-analytical farce that is as unnecessary as it is uncouth."

The woman by his side nodded, her expression pinched. "We never carry weapons." She said the word as if she could think of nothing fouler in the world, which made Cole bite back a sigh.

While he agreed weapons were a last result form of attack, that didn't mean they were inherently bad. It was a tool, depending on who used the knife made the knife either good or bad. That didn't make the knife inherently evil if it was used to harm someone, but some people just couldn't see it the way he did.

Different opinions were important, but not over something that was simple protocol. Now, if the protocol had the couple stripping down to their underthings? That Cole could see as bad. This was more of a minor annoyance, rather than something truly terrible.

"Sir, ma'am, this is simply to ensure not only Mr. Borg's safety," Cole looked pointedly at both of them, "but also yours."

The man looked downright insulted, tugging at the cuffs of his sleeves. "You have no right to speak to me."

Cole knit his brows, entirely lost for almost three seconds. It hit him when the man's wife moved to hide behind him slightly. A stab of guilt jabbed its way into his chest, even though he shouldn't have felt it at all. It wasn't his fault his skin was darker than theirs, or that he was taller than them, or stronger and more muscular.

It hurt though, to be looked at and only seen as a threat rather than a person too. Even the nindroid looked stunned, but the man continued. "Not only are you going to place your hands upon me and my wife, but you are asking for us to let you do that. My answer is no ."

"Would you change your mind if he was white?"

Cole snapped his gaze back, finding Dareth in the doorway, looking more furious than Cole had ever seen him. The commotion and hold up had snagged a lot of attention, the people in line whispering to each other and shooting glances at Cole. It made him nauseous to have so much attention on him, and not for the first time, he wished he was smaller.

The man looked stunned. "I- what are you implying?"

Dareth stepped forward, moving to stand between Cole and the wealthy man. "If I were the guard, would you listen?"

The man shrugged. "I do not rightly know, since you aren't. I do not feel safe with-"

"Do not say that ." Dareth hissed. "Don't you dare."

Before the man or his wife could speak again, the nindroid stepped forward, his hands raised placatingly. "If you will not allow us to check for hidden weapons, then we must decline your entrance to the building. Deeply sorry."

The man huffed, snatching his wife's arm. "I am as well, for having to deal with that -"

Cole's ears were ringing after the word was uttered, one he hadn't heard in a very long time. It reminded him of the first time he had learned what it meant when he was little, how his mother had clutched him close and whispered that it was just a word while his father raged at the parents of the little girl who had said it. While he didn't remember her name, he remembered her smug face when she had said it.

Almost like she had a right to call him that, to tear him down because he looked different than she did.

The world slammed back into focus when he felt a hand on his arm, the touch that normally would be grounding painful. There were so many voices, all saying different things, and his vision was a blur at best. Cole closed his eyes tightly, trying to breathe, but it felt like he was seven again, trembling when the teacher snapped at him for missing the "very easy steps", the words he muttered unkind and as horrible as what the little girl had said.

It was part of the reason he ran away.

The world around him was falling in and out of focus every time he opened his eyes, so just kept them shut, trying to control his breathing. Everything began to shift though, the loud voices falling away and the touch that had felt like fire now a more bearable presence, one he accepted readily now. He knew he was moving, the hand on his arm a guiding light, but he still didn't open his eyes.

He was almost afraid too, after what had happened the last time he had opened them. He had to get his head back in the game, back into the role he was playing for the mission, but if he opened his eyes and could only see the past, how could he help in the present?

///

Perched on the edge of the roof, Lloyd surveyed the city below and around him, the lights always brighter than needed. They never bothered him too badly though, so he didn't mind them. Better lighting made it easier to track down the villains than poor lighting did anyway. Unable to find anything out of the usual, Lloyd lowered his binoculars with a sigh.

Minus Cyrus Borg's anniversary party happening across from the skyscraper he was perched on, the city was in a normal state of function. Families were eating dinner, shifts were being switched, the neon lights alive with the night and the city they lit up. There was no sign of an assassin who wanted Pixal's father dead for reasons no one had managed to crack.

Lloyd shook his head, turning his gaze down to his sleeve, which he pushed up and out of the way. Tapping twice at the bracelet on his wrist, he watched the holographic main menu pull up, which he swiped through until he found contacts and communications. He double-checked that his settings were correct and ready to go, then he patched himself into the comm network he, Pixal, Neuro, and Nya had thrown together.

"Anyone hear me?"

Several voices answered, little blips showing their positions on his digital map. Lloyd felt a little of his tension ease at the sight, everyone was in position and ready to go. "Give me sights, what've we got on our hands guys?"

Nya's voice crackled to life, her words sure and holding the annoyance that came with her impatience. "Nothing but traffic, it's driving me up the wall."

Lloyd almost laughed, but refrained, recalling that he was supposed to be the leader right now, not Nya's little brother with a bad sense of humor.

"Nothing here, Lloyd," Skylor said, her words carrying an easy flow that he had grown accustomed to hearing.

"Nothin' here either, kiddo." Turner added quickly, not wanting to be the last to speak. The man was rather competitive when it came down to it.

"Karloff has nothing- ah!" Static flooded the line for a second, and Lloyd's feet were already in motion when Karlof said, "False alarm, sorry friends."

Lloyd skidded to a stop before he leapt off of the skyscraper he was perched atop, sighing. "Thanks Karloff. Anyone got anything?"

"Hate to break it to you," Tox said, "but I think your lead sucks."

Lloyd pursed his lips, unsure how to respond. He was almost thankful when Neuro's voice drowned out everyone else's. "I am afraid that the target may know we are onto them," Neuro's voice warned, his tone grave and serious. "I can't read too terribly far out, but everyone within twenty-clicks of my position isn't a threat."

Neuro was just outside of reading Lloyd and probably Pixal, who was driving her car down back alleys and checking for any trace of a threat. She was anxious and doing her best to hide it, and Lloyd could understand the feeling entirely. Hell, he felt anxious just thinking about his own father. With a shake of his head, he detached from that thought. The last thing he needed was to be distracted.

Lloyd sighed again, glaring at Borg's tower across from him, the large windows betraying the exact floor where the party was being held. He could almost make out the faces and people inside of the room without his binoculars, and his chest tightened with anxiety. If the assassin succeeded in killing just one person, they would fail. Lloyd refused to let that happen.

It didn't help that no one had checked in from the tower, not even Zane, who had promised to check in every half hour. It had been almost an hour since the last check in. Surely the last of the guests should have been inside of the party, freeing Zane to help them scout around the outside of the tower along with Cole. It was part of their plan, and Lloyd couldn't act on it if Zane wasn't responding.

They were running out of time, and Lloyd couldn't wait around for Zane and Cole, or Jay and Kai. They were busy with something else, no doubt important. Or their comms had been shut off, or glitching. Maybe they didn't work with Cyrus Borg's fancy Internet servers or something. The point was, Lloyd needed a new strategy, and he needed one pretty fast.

"Pix, get Neuro in your ride." He flicked through his holographic map, finding Pixal and Neuro relatively close to one another. "Help him survey the city for our hitman."

"Affirmative, moving now."

"Understood."

"Lloyd?" Nya asked, and Lloyd could almost see her expression. "What are you thinking, talk to us."

Lloyd opened his mouth, only to freeze. Something had moved behind him, and it wasn't the wind. He made no sudden moves, hoping to keep the other being on the roof thinking he had no clue of the other's presence. He slowly reached for the hilt of his sword, flinching into action when he heard something behind him go click ka-chunk.

"Lloyd?"

"What's goin' on, kid?"

"Lloyd, what was that noise!?"

Lloyd turned just in time to make out a dark-clothed figure with a rifle in hand, followed by a bang that made him instinctively reach for his ears and duck. That was not the right choice when one is holding a sword or being shot at apparently, because something made his world rock, pain shooting from somewhere and making everything blur for a second.

Lloyd forced a breath through his gritted teeth, blearily finding the person across from him reloading, a gruff voice shooting curses rather than bullets. At least he hadn't gotten Cryus Borg. Lloyd glimpsed at himself, finding blood on his upper arm. He could handle a flesh wound. Switching sword hands, Lloyd shouted, "Found him!"

///

Kai was still reeling at the sight of the thief, but he managed to find enough of his words to actually speak. "How did you even get invited?"

Ronin shrugged languidly, nabbing one of the pastries off of the table. "'Invited' is a strong word. Let's go with 'got let in'."

Kai opened his mouth, but Ronin continued on. "Helps if you know your forgeries and the guard at the front entrance, along with the intern at the front desk."

Kai knit his brows. "Why'd Zane let you in if your invite was fake?"

"Because I have some info that might keep Borg alive tonight."

Kai shifted the glasses in his hand slightly, boring his eyes into Ronin's form. "I feel like I should ask you to dump your pockets, but if you actually have something helpful, I'd love to hear it."

Ronin swallowed his bite of pastry, nodding. "There's more than one guy gunnin' to put a bullet in Borg's head. It's a group, as far as I know."

Kai stiffened, the situation far worse than it was moments prior. If there was more than one, that changed the entire mission. "Does Zane know?"

The second the words left his lips he knew Ronin already had told Zane, or else he wouldn't have been let up to the top floor. If Zane knew, that would mean the nindroid could alert Lloyd to the growing danger. "Nevermind, if you're up here he knows."

Ronin studied him for a second, making Kai's hackles raise slightly. The older man nodded towards the crowd. "Who's the dame headin' for you?"

Kai shot him a puzzled glance and Ronin sipped at his own glass of champagne. "Just askin', not trying to steal her from you."

When an arm slipped into his own, Kai knew exactly who Ronin had meant. His boyfriend's cheeks were flushed, and there was a smile on his face, but Kai could feel how tense Jay was against him. Jay offered Ronin a darling smile, then Jay's facade of a rich girlfriend disappeared when his blue eyes found Ronin's, his expression slipping into shock. " Ronin?"

Ronin's eyes widened, then he looked between Kai and Jay for a second. "I- Jay? That you?"

Jay nodded, curls bouncing. "Yeah."

"Damn."

Jay snorted, then beamed at the sight of the pastry Kai was still holding. He took it, along with one of the flutes of champagne Kai had in his other hand. "Thanks, also how the hell did you get in?"

Kai answered before Ronin could. "He had info, Zane let him in, there's more than one."

Jay froze, pastry halfway in his mouth. After a second of debate, Jay bit off the bite, his brows knitted together as he mulled the situation over. He swallowed, tilting his head. "How do you know that, Ronin?"

Ronin sighed. "I'm not in on it, before you even ask because I can tell where this is going. I don't do murder."

Kai was acutely aware of the eyes and ears around them, so he chuckled as if Ronin had made a joke, then dropped his voice to a murmur. "Talk later."

Ronin shot him a wink. "You got it."

Jay nodded, smiling politely at Ronin as Kai led them away from the table. Kai opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted before he could even make a sound.

"Oh! Albie, bring your partner over here!"

Jay's head swiveled around, making Kai follow suit, finding a group of well-dressed twenty-something-year olds. The group looked like a few couples who were all friends, beckoning Jay over. Kai let Jay take charge, ducking his head to whisper, "Albie?"

Jay smiled awkwardly. "Fake name," he murmured, but something in his tone indicated it was more than that.

Kai wasn't entirely sure what was said after that, or who was speaking to him. All he could hear was the little wobble in Jay's voice when he had said it. The way he was acting as if nothing was out of place, as if he wasn't a boy pretending to be a girl, falling back into his repertoire of jokes and fronts to hide any of his true feelings from the world.

Kai could feel his temper flaring, but he wasn't upset with Jay. Downing the last of his champagne, he ducked his head to whisper against Jay's ear. "I'll be back in a minute."

Jay smiled at him, and then shoved him off. "Oh, get lost already, you'll be back in like two minutes!"

Kai laughed, but his heart throbbed in pain at how Jay had fallen back into that airy voice, so delicate and so unlike himself that it hurt. Kai made his way to the bathroom in the corner, making sure it was empty before he locked the door. Shoving his sleeve out of the way, he tapped at his comm. "Lloyd? Nya? Anybody?"

"Hey, hot stuff," came Skylor's slightly labored voice. There were shouts in the background, making her voice difficult to hear through the din of battle. "How's the party going?"

"Guess you know about how there's more than one guy now, huh?"

A shriek, followed by Skylor's muffled laughing. "Oh, you bet ."

Kai chewed his lip, then glanced around the bathroom. "Do you need backup?"

"Zane and Cole should be here in a minute, I think you and Jay need to focus on Cyrus Borg. We have no idea how many-"

" Sky !"

A shink of metal, ending with Skylor calling out a thanks. Kai closed his eyes for a second. "Please be safe."

"I'll try."

Kai closed the line, mind whirring with options. It was then he realized that the comm hadn't exactly been quiet. Someone surely would have gone to check if anyone was being murdered. Kai unlocked the door, eyes going wide when he registered the shrieks and shouts of alarm. Kai dashed out of the bathroom, finding the window shattered and people with guns moving through the partygoers, a flash of green darting after them.

The sight alone was alarming, but finding no sight of Cyrus Borg anywhere might have been more so. Kai slammed his fingers against his comm, tapping furiously until he managed to hit the right numbers on the digital keypad. “Ninjago City Police Department, what’s your-”

“Borg’s tower, top floor, armed and dangerous individuals attacking, send help!” Kai didn’t wait around to hear the response, diving head-first into the fire of battle, heart thundering inside of his chest. He hoped Jay was okay.

///

Zane turned to Cole, who had been sitting in the office chair that had been Zane's to begin with, but was offered when Cole had started to fall apart. After admitting the last guest, Zane knew it was crucial to proceed with the next phase of the plan, but he couldn't just ignore what had happened with Cole.

It was difficult to have such a righteous sense of morals, torn between saving Cyrus Borg and saving Cole, both from vastly different things, but both important in their own ways. Zane shot a worried glance at Dareth, who had stayed beside Cole the entire time, helping the earth ninja remain calm while Zane all but speed ran the last invitation background checks.

He still ensured they were done correctly, but still. He had moved fast. Dareth smiled at Zane, nodding towards Cole as he stood up. "I think I'm going to head upstairs, hope you guys work everything out."

Cole mumbled something, no doubt a show of gratitude for what Dareth had done. Zane voiced his own gratitude, taking one of Dareth's hands. "Thank you, you did not have to do that."

"That's the thing, kid." Dareth patted Zane's hand, something in his expression sorrowful. "I really did have to."

Zane watched his friend head for the elevator, then turned his entire focus onto Cole, who hadn't looked at him yet. "Cole?"

Cole hummed, but otherwise was unchanged in his position. Zane pursed his lips, then knelt down before Cole, placing his hands on Cole’s knees, catching his attention. “Darling?”

Cole’s cheeks pinkened slightly, which Zane took as a win considering it was a reaction. “Z?”

Zane nodded, ducking his head a bit to meet Cole’s gaze. “Yes, Cole. It’s me.”

Cole pursed his lips, then shook his head slightly. “Sorry for shutting down, I-” Cole sighed, cutting himself off. “I don’t know what happened.”

Zane didn’t like that answer, so he stood up, feeling Cole’s eyes on him. “What happened was you were treated poorly, and reacted the way anyone would in that situation. It was wrong and rude, and I am happy it did not require a physical fight.”

If Dareth hadn't intervened, Zane would have, and he was pretty sure one of the outcomes involved a version of himself he had tried to bury. He couldn't help but wonder if Borg needed some very realistic ice sculptures in the future.

Cole sounded tired. “But, I just-”

“You got upset, and when you get upset you shut down.” Zane turned to look at his boyfriend again. “It is how you function. You cannot blame yourself for that.”

Cole opened his mouth, but Zane covered it with his hand. “Correction, I will not allow you to blame yourself.”

Cole’s lips moved into a smile against Zane’s hand, his eyes locked onto Zane’s. After a moment, Zane removed his hand from Cole’s lips, only to have Cole reach out and snag his hand. Cole pressed a kiss to his inner wrist, making Zane flush himself. “Thanks, Zane.”

Zane cleared his throat. “Yes, well, we should con-continue with the mission.”

Cole looked much happier, as if making Zane flustered was a mood booster. Perhaps it was. Whatever the case, Zane forced himself to refocus on the current issue at hand. He and Cole would talk more after Cyrus Borg and his guests were all declared safe. Zane was not about to let Cole just shut down the topic and never bring it up again.

It was a nasty habit his boyfriend harbored, and it broke Zane's heart watching Cole continuously shelve his agenda for the sake of others, but never take any time to deal with what he had shelved. Zane suspected it was from how he had been raised, which only served to make him feel sadder anytime he thought about it.

Zane rolled back his sleeve, unable to meet Cole's eyes as he spoke. "We should check in with Lloyd, then follow through-"

A crash shook the building, making Zane stagger into Cole, the pair of them falling against the office chair, which cried in protest at their combined weights being forced upon it. Zane shot a worried glance up at the ceiling. "What do you think that was?"

Cole copied Zane's motion, his eyes flicking upwards before they landed back on Zane. "Probably the guy who wants Borg dead."

Zane bolted to his feet, pausing for a second when he realized where he had been sitting was not the chair. Rather, it had been Cole's lap he had been resting upon. His face felt far too warm, as if his cooling units, along with his elemental power, had left him. He allowed himself a second of flustered shock, then shoved the emotions out of the way.

Zane leapt over the front desk, using spinjitzu mid-jump to change into his gi. When his feet hit the floor, he was fully geared up, Cole landing a second after him, dressed accordingly. Cole flipped open the comm channel, chaos sounding. "Uh- Nya? How's it going?"

A shout followed by a pained grunt was the response, making Cole and Zane share worried glances. While Cole tried to get a response on his end, Zane tapped directly into Pixal's comm. "Pixal? What is happening?"

"Zane! Get to the top floor now. "

Zane flinched at her tone, chest tightening with worry. He tugged Cole's arm, already moving. "Heading up, but-"

"Lloyd's got six or- or seven- they're all armed -"

Her voice slipped out of range, leaving Zane panicked. "Pixal!"

Cole's comm chose that moment to send a voice through, Nya's usually collected voice left in stressful tension. "Get Borg outta there!"

Cole broke into a sprint for the stairs, Zane right beside him. As they flew up the steps, Zane could only hope his brothers could handle the chaos before back-up arrived.

///

Jay ducked when artillery fired, tugging down the people closest to him. "Dammit," he muttered, peeking over the overturned table to try and get a read on positions, only to find a gun in his face, making him yelp. That was the wrong move, the owner of the gun lowering the muzzle, their face hidden by their ski mask. Jay watched the mask move though, and knew the thug was smiling.

Major ew.

Jay did his best to play the panicked rich person, but it was difficult when he could have the guy disarmed in seconds. Kai wouldn't hesitate the way he did, he would have already knocked the guy out and moved to the next lethal target. Kai didn't play a role when he was needed, he didn't sit and wait for the action to come to him.

But Jay wasn't like Kai, he wasn't out to the world. People saw the lightning ninja and said he was a man who could wield lightning, that he was funny and friendly. They didn't know he was trans, they didn't know he hid himself everyday or battled against his reflection continually. Jay wasn't brave enough to even think about coming out to the entire world, and if he disarmed the gunman before him, he would.

So he stayed still, heart beating against his ribs. The thug's eyes drifted to his lips, then the gun was in Jay's face again. "Get up."

Jay swallowed and did as he was told, nervous. His words were failing him, and for once, he couldn't think of anything to say. The gun was pressed under his chin, jerking his head upwards to meet the other person's eyes, which twinkled with mischief. Those eyes then drifted lower and lower, tracing Jay's shape as if he wanted to touch him. The thought made Jay light-headed.

He could almost hear the hearty laughter of pirates, the silky voice of a djinn, the constant hum of The Misfortune's Keep. Jay squeezed his eyes shut, but that just made it worse, phantom sounds shifting into memories that shouldn't exist, but they did and they scared him. Jay forced his eyes open, chest heaving as he tried to gulp down a breath, making himself count anything.

The gun went flying and Jay counted how long it flew. Four seconds. He turned his attention back to the owner of the gun, finding them unconscious on the floor, Kai standing over him. Kai turned to Jay, and Jay burst into tears, unable to stop the flow. Kai hadn't been on the ship, he hadn't been there, he was here. He was real and alive, not a timeline that never existed.

Kai's arms were around him, his voice gentle. "Oh baby, no I'm sorry I wasn't listening. I'm sorry."

Jay realized Kai was responding to his words, which had finally come back to him. He was apologizing, no doubt for being so scared and useless and-

"Jay no, you're so brave, stop."

Jay sniffled against Kai's shoulder, then shoved him back, panicked. "Wh- Cyrus Borg!?"

Kai pressed his lips together just as the stairwell door flew open, Cole and Zane dashing in. Jay suddenly realized that the threat had been neutralized while he had spiraled, Lloyd standing a bit behind Kai. When their eyes met, Lloyd waved. Jay waved back, sniffling. Zane made for Lloyd, immediately asking him questions, while Cole made for him and Kai.

Cole's arms wrapped tightly around him, and it took all of his willpower not to cry again. Cole pulled back, then yanked Kai in for a tight hug too. "You guys are okay, right?"

Kai nodded. "There's a few wounds, but nothing grievous. I got 9-1-1 punched and dialed before I went to bashing heads."

Lloyd then joined the conversation, asking what Jay had a moment ago. "Where's Cyrus Borg?"

Kai looked torn between smug and upset. "Ronin took him out while me and Jay were running survey."

Jay gaped, then snorted wetly. "Sounds like him."

Lloyd looked lost. "Ronin? Why was he here?"

Cole shook his head. "Who cares as long as he helped?"

Zane looked the tiniest bit sheepish, and Jay shot him a smile, knowing that feeling all too well. Zane had let Ronin up, and Jay wasn’t about to snitch on him. It had served to help in the end, and that was what really mattered. Instead, he straightened his dress out a bit, still feeling the phantoms of other hands against his skin, even though it wasn’t real. “Where’s everyone else?”

Nya chose that moment to fly in through the window, landing right beside Lloyd with a flip. She glanced around then took her hood down. “Uh, am I that late?”

Lloyd giggled. “A little bit, yeah, sorry.”

Nya groaned and Kai laughed. Jay found himself grinning too, relieved to be done with the chaos of the evening.

///

Lloyd had never been so done with people in his entire life, which was saying a lot because he despised big crowds all vying for his attention at the same time. This situation wasn't any different though, which only served to heighten his already overly tense mindset. He needed a minute to collapse and regroup, not be thrust into more crowds and answer more questions.

How Gayle had even shown up before the ninja had left was beyond him, but then again, Cyrus Borg's anniversary was a pretty big deal, so maybe she had already planned to cover it on the news. The other newscasters though? They had definitely only shown up because of the disaster that had struck during the party, getting witness reviews along with the police.

Lloyd had hoped to avoid the microphones and the probing questions altogether, but wearing green tended to stand out a bit too much to most people, considering the color was correlated with him now.

"Were you aware of the threat beforehand?"

"Why were these gunmen after Mr. Borg?"

"Were they all captured?"

Lloyd opened his mouth to answer one question, only to be thrown off by another. He was tempted to ask them to take turns, but he was pretty sure his voice would be drowned out by their own questions, their voices loud and demanding his attention. He couldn't give it to them, however, not when his team was tending to the finer details while he played newsfeed.

It didn't help that he couldn't answer half of the questions anyway, since he didn't know the answers. He didn't know why the men were after Borg, other than the hunch of them wanting to throw his company into chaos. He wasn't sure how many were involved to begin with, so he didn't know if they had all been captured. Sure, he was aware of the threat beforehand, but that really didn't mean much.

The questions started to blur together, the voices melding into one annoying hum that made him tempted to flee the scene entirely. But he couldn't do that, he was the green ninja, he was a beacon of hope and everything good in the world.

At least, that's what everyone said.

A gruff voice cut through the din, the police commissioner moving between Lloyd and the reporters. "Alright, you had your fun. Now please stand back ."

Gayle narrowed her eyes. "I am only trying to ensure the people are aware of any danger."

The commissioner didn't look too impressed. "We have taped off Borg's tower for security reasons. You are crossing the boundary. For your safety, stand back."

The reporters grumbled for a moment, but eventually backed up to the sidewalk. The commissioner adjusted his lapels, then turned to Lloyd. "I hope that helps."

Lloyd nodded. "It does, thanks. But I really don't have a lot of answers, and no one will until we interrogate the criminals."

"Exactly." The commissioner adjusted his hat. "News can't have news until the truth is out. I don't know why they try to rush things."

Lloyd shrugged, regretting the motion almost instantly because ow. He forgot he'd been shot at, and maybe even successfully struck with a bullet. He would have to get Zane to look at him later. Speaking of, Lloyd stood on his toes in an attempt to see over the crowd, trying to spot his team anywhere. He found Skylor's burst of red hair, which he decided would be a good start.

"Is everything under control, Commissioner?"

The old man nodded. "If you and your ninja are needed elsewhere, go ahead. We have the gunmen taken into custody, and Cyrus Borg is safe and well."

Lloyd smiled. "I'll have to thank Ronin for that."

The commissioner looked torn between respect and like he had eaten something very sour. "Yes, I should too."

Lloyd offered the commissioner a wave, then made his way through the crowd. He was slowed down by police escorting party guests out of the way, several of the guests breaking away and thanking Lloyd profusely for his efforts. Lloyd did his best to smile and keep going, but there were so many that he started to feel trapped. It felt like every single guest was out to thank him personally.

Lloyd darted his gaze around, realizing he was all but surrounded by thankful guests and disgruntled police officers. His heart was pounding so loudly he was sure they could all hear it, and he knew he must look far too pale because he felt dizzy, like he might pass out. That wouldn't be very green ninja-y. Someone would take a video and post it, and then he'd be a meme forever, a joke.

Just a kid trying to save the world, passing out from… anxiety? Stress? Claustrophobia? He had no clue, actually. Something.

"Hey, hey."

Lloyd blinked when something moved in front of him, a wall of muscle and a sleeveless gi before him.

"Let's not suffocate him, yeah?" Cole said to the crowd, shooing them back a bit.

He took Lloyd's arm (not the injured one) in his hand, leading him away from the crowd, toward the rest of the team, who were all by the police cars. Lloyd let himself breathe a sigh of relief at the sight, the elemental masters and his family all getting along well and congratulating everyone on a job well-done.

"Thanks Cole," he said softly. "I didn't mean to just stand there."

Cole stopped walking, and turned to face him. He offered Lloyd a smile. "We've had a pretty crazy night, stress'll really mess you up. I'm happy I could help."

Lloyd nodded, then kept going toward the police cars. "You all did great."

Toxikita rolled her eyes. "Of course we did, we aren't losers."

Kai snickered. "Yeah."

Zane rushed forward at the same time Nya did, both of them zeroing in on the red coloring his green gi. "What is that?" Zane asked.

"Who's blood is it?" Asked Nya, her eyes searching his face for an answer.

Kai gasped softly, then rushed forward too. Lloyd did his best to hold back a sigh, already tired of the eyes on him. "Guys, yes it's mine, I'm fine."

Cole knit his brows, concern etched onto his features. Jay wasn't any better, his big blue eyes shimmery with worry. The rest of the elemental masters didn't look much better. Pixal was by Nya's side, her green eyes laser focused on his arm, no doubt scanning him for damage or something. Unable to handle the upsetting looks any longer, Lloyd backed up a few steps.

"Let's just call it a night and go home!"

He tried for a happy tone, but it came out strained, anxious sounding. He winced at the sound, trying again. “Look, let’s just go home.”

Nya pursed her lips, looking like she was about to say something when Pixal stepped forward, pointing to the entryway of Borg’s tower. “My father is inside with Ronin, and I would like to ensure he is well before I return to the monastery.”

Lloyd nodded, waving her off. “Go for it. Message if anything goes weird.”

Pixal smiled, then glanced back at Nya for a second, then looked away. Nya sighed, then rubbed Lloyd’s uninjured arm. “I’ll stay with her.”

Kai opened his mouth, then shook his head. “Yeah, go on sis.”

Nya jogged for a second to catch up with Pixal, the pair of them sharing soft smiles before they vanished inside of Borg’s tower. Cole scrubbed a hand through his hair, then turned to the other elemental masters. “Thanks guys. Head home, okay?”

Skylor nodded, shooting Lloyd a smile. “Be safe guys.”

Karloff made certain to hug them all before he left, leaving Jay gasping as he always did. Everyone else simply left with waves or well wishes, heading home after the evening of fighting. Lloyd couldn’t blame them because he felt three seconds away from collapsing entirely. He couldn’t do that though, so he forced himself to stand upright. “Let’s go.”

“Lloyd,” Jay said. “Maybe you should sit for a second?”

Lloyd shook his head, typing into his comm to bring his car over. “I’ll be fine.”

Kai shook his head, snatching Lloyd’s arm. “I’ll come with you then.”

Lloyd sighed, but nodded, too tired to even argue with Kai. He just wanted to be home.

///

Zane sighed softly as he dug through the medical supplies in the monastery, feeling Cole’s anxious hovering more than seeing it. The Earth Elementalist wasn’t even inside of the med bay, yet Zane couldn’t shake his presence. Perhaps his sixth sense was just deeply attuned to his surroundings today. (Pixal would laugh at him and say it was because he liked Cole, quite a bit actually, and Zane would quickly find a way to reroute the conversation. She was far too good at teasing him, and he was starting to wonder if she secretly enjoyed making him flustered.)

“I have brought the tea,” Master Wu intoned, drawing Zane’s attention towards him. He watched as the old master handed his nephew the cup, his expression torn between conflicting emotions.

Zane understood the feelings well, he was very proud of Lloyd, but he had gotten shot and didn’t think he needed to tell anyone about it. He was never exactly not worried about Lloyd, not after everything the poor boy had been through, but he still hated to think too much about the reasons behind Lloyd hiding injuries. He wondered if there was a way he could phrase a conversation that wouldn’t cause the blond to build higher walls.

Lloyd smiled at his uncle, “Thanks.”

“Master, could you go see what we have in the kitchen for a meal?” Zane asked, if only because it had just crossed his mind. “Even if it is something quick and easy we need to eat before bed.”

“Of course,” Master Wu said, patting Lloyd’s knee before he left the med bay.

Zane did his best to appear calm and like he didn’t want to ask any questions that could rock the already rocky state of Lloyd’s mind, but unfortunately, he was glaringly obvious to literally everyone else. That sadly included Lloyd.

“Zane, just spit it out,” Lloyd grumbled, sipping at his tea slowly, cringing after every sip. “I know you’re upset with me.”

“Not with you,” Zane quickly soothed, setting his medical supplies down beside Lloyd, picking up the scissors so he could get to Lloyd’s arm. “Just that you got hurt. I am sorry you got wounded, not mad at you.”

Lloyd arched a brow, looking strikingly like his mother. “Really? I figured you’d be upset that I didn’t mention I was wounded.”

Zane huffed out a half-laugh, half-sigh. “Well, not exactly. I admit to a bit of anger about you trying to brush off your injury, but I expect it from you. You’ve never enjoyed the med bay.”

Lloyd stuck his tongue out teasingly, and Zane laughed as he cut off Lloyd’s sleeve. The younger ninja mourned his gi, watching Zane fold up the ruined sleeve with a sort of detached sadness. “I liked that sleeve, damn it.”

“Hey, no cussing in front of Zane,” Cole said, stepping into the med bay. “He’s sensitive.”

“I am far older than either of you, I have heard much cursing.” Zane set the scissors down, moving back to the medical supplies, gathering the cleaning liquids. “I just choose to use it sparingly, to further showcase my intelligence to others.”

“He just called Kai stupid in like five languages,” Cole stage-whispered to Lloyd, who broke into a fit of giggles.

Zane smiled softly at Cole, silently thanking him for boosting Lloyd’s mood with a well-timed wisecrack. Cole smiled back, returning to heckling Lloyd until the blonde could scarcely bleed. He was so distracted by Cole that he missed Zane cleaning and bandaging his wound, which was better for everyone involved. Lloyd wasn’t a bad patient, but he was…

Zane would say traumatized by his many, many, many runs into the med bay from normally near-fatal injuries. Or comas. The poor guy had been through a lot.

“All done,” Zane said, patting Lloyd’s knee to get his attention. “You can go.”

Lloyd looked mildly confused, then he grinned. “Cool. I’m gonna go call Nya and Pix, make sure everything’s still good.”

Cole waved as Lloyd left, turning to Zane the moment the door was closed. “I wanted to talk to you.”

Zane balked, in the midst of putting the med kit away. “Oh? About what?”

There were certainly many intriguing topics they could discuss, anything pertaining to the evening, or maybe something entirely different as a palate cleanser. To be honest, Zane had no clue what Cole was going to ask. He was unpredictable sometimes, despite his steadiness.

Cole rung his hands together, leaning awkwardly against the examination table. “Uh, I was wondering… Well, maybe hoping, I guess, if you’re cool with it, of course! If you would like to, uh, shit.”

Zane watched as Cole dug himself into a stuttering hole, voice going lower and quieter as he tried to talk to himself. It was cute, in a silly way. “Darling?”

Cole flushed, jaw clicking from the force he shut his mouth. Zane rolled his eyes, putting the kit away so he could take one of Cole’s hands. “I would enjoy snuggling, if that was your suggestion. Perhaps a movie to wind down?”

Cole beamed brightly, and Zane knew he had understood exactly what the Earth Elementalist was asking. “Yeah. That’d be nice.”

The moment was destroyed when Lloyd threw the door open, panting. “Guys! Uncle Wu’s trying to fucking cook .”

( Somewhere nearby, Kai had an aneurysm at the feeling of his baby brother cussing. )

Zane felt faint at the mere thought, and Cole actually shuddered. “Oh hell no, Lloyd stop him!”

Their fearless leader made a pathetic whimpering sound, dashing back down the hall. Cole was right behind him, shouting orders. Zane hadn’t personally eaten any of Master Wu’s cooking, but he knew Cole had lived with him before anyone else had, and the experience was apparently… an adventure , to say the least.

Then Zane recalled Cole’s own culinary skills and fell over laughing, unable to stand any longer. The irony was not lost on him, and that made everything even funnier.

///

Jay stretched, flopping back against his bed with a sigh. It was far too late at night, somewhere between three and four in the morning, but he was over the world. He couldn’t sleep though, which was really annoying. He rolled onto his side, tucking his arms under his head, staring at the wall. He really should be sleeping, but he just couldn’t get his mind turned off.

He grumbled under his breath, sitting back up, resting his hands in his lap. With another sigh, he climbed out of bed, bare feet silent as he walked over to his dresser. If he couldn’t sleep, he might as well just start his day, right? That sounded right to him anyway. Jay tugged out a shirt and pair of sweats, then paused for a second.

Should he wear his binder too? Jay chewed his lip, torn. He didn’t really feel terrible, but he knew he’d circle back to the more traumatic moments from last night, and then he’d really want his binder on. He grabbed it too, heading for the bathroom. Since it was so early, no one else would even be awake yet, unless they were struggling too, so he could have his morning rather peacefully.

He stopped when he spotted Kai leaving his bedroom, the fire ninja running a hand through his messy hair. Kai stopped when he saw Jay, knitting his brows. “Hey, babe?”

Jay jerked his gaze to the floor, clutching his bundle of clothes tight to his chest. “H-hey.”

Kai moved to him, gently ruffling his curls. “You okay?”

Jay shrugged. “Was gonna shower.”

“You feeling bad?”

Now how did he answer that? Sure, he didn’t feel fantastic, but he didn’t feel like trash. Maybe. Ish.

“I don’t know.” He eventually murmured, unable to meet Kai’s gaze. 

Kai solved that issue by gently lifting his chin upwards, his soft amber eyes meeting Jay’s blue ones. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Jay blinked quickly, trying to stop the overwhelming feeling of tears. “I- I don’t know?”

“Okay, that’s fine.” Kai pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. “Go shower, I’ll make you something to eat.”

Jay nodded, staying still and rooted in place until Kai was out of the hallway. He sucked in a deep breath, forcing his feet to move forward across the floor. It was only a shower, he could do a shower. Kai was being nice too, offering to make him breakfast when he didn’t even have to, so why did he feel so anxious? It wasn’t like Kai would dump him for being trans, because they already had that conversation ages ago.

Maybe he felt so anxious because of how he had pretended to be a girl last night, dressed and looked the part. At the time, he didn’t feel bad about it, but looking back at it, how could he have been so stupid? He knew how he did with crowds and so many eyes on him, but he still made sure to put on a show for them all, so they’d pay even more attention to him. Had they all known he was faking it the entire time, but they didn’t want to say anything and offend him?

Jay sniffled, swiping at his eyes. They probably had known, and all the whispers behind their hands had been about him. There was no doubt about it. Someone had probably figured out who was too, and posted it online and then there’d be uncomfortable questions about him being trans and then he’d have to confirm or deny the claim and then the world would flame him or- or want him deemed unfit to protect Ninjago or maybe even want him dead-

“Jay, Jay, hey, look at me okay?”

Jay flinched at the sensation of fingers on his arms, jerking backwards and away from the touch. Something slammed into his back, making him drop his clothes on the floor, the world swaying wildly around him. “I- I’m- I didn’t-”

“Jay, it’s okay. You're okay. Can you tell me where you are?”

Jay squeezed his eyes shut. “M-monastery?”

“That’s right, that’s good Jay.”

Jay sucked in a breath, forcing himself to focus on anything. The pressure of someone holding his arms, the pain in his chest as he forced his lungs to breathe, the rough wood against his back and the dull ache in his spine from hitting the wall. There was so much, but not enough, and he could feel his body losing control, falling down into the spirals he tried his best to push away until he couldn’t anymore. He shouldn’t be like this, all shaky and scared, he should be better.

He had saved the world countless times, so why couldn’t his body and brain get with the program and fucking like each other?

“Jay?”

Jay swallowed as best as he could, slowly lifting his gaze from the floor (when had that happened?) to meet pretty amber eyes flooded with warmth. “Hi.”

Kai smiled softly, running his thumb over the swell of Jay’s cheek. “Hey there.” The Fire Elementalist was so gentle, his normally brash and bold actions gone, replaced with a softness that made Jay melt into his touch, sighing quietly. “You need anything?”

Jay nodded against his hand, pushing himself closer to Kai, relishing in his comfort. “You’re good.”

Kai laughed softly, brushing a hand through Jay’s curls. “Alright, we’ll stay put for a minute.”

Jay buried his face in the crook of Kai’s neck, content and for a few minutes, happy right where he was. He wasn’t needed anywhere, he didn’t have to do anything, no one was watching him. It was just him and Kai, and Kai was so warm. Jay loved it, cuddling tighter, enamored by his boyfriend.

He’d be okay.

#jay walker #kai smith #nya smith #zane julian #cole brookstone #cole hence #lloyd garmadon #elemental masters #ninjago #jay ninjago #kai ninjago #zane ninjago #cole ninjago #nya ninjago #pixal ninjago #sensei wu #master wu #wu ninjago #dareth ninjago #cyrus borg ninjago #ronin ninjago #ninjago fanfiction #samurai shipping #glacier shipping #plasma shipping #my fic #my writing #my fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #undercover missions

[wtfuglydemon]

As the year ends i keep thinking how this year was.... something. I feel like life gave me a soft reset and i dont know what to do with it, it's not as much as i was given a second chance on things but as if everything ive built suddenly crumbled down with no warning and im now forced to work around this, for better or worse.

This year already started horribly, after all i just left from a year where i was being humiliated, shamed and scolded for not being sad about my uncle's death, a man they all know tried to kill me multiple times before, i dont know if i am fully over that still.

At the beginning of the year i am suddenly invited to live with someone i honestly didnt even know and since i was so eager to leave home i accepted but didnt realize how much pressure that would place on my back, as suddenly i was responsible by so many things and specially the person. A horrible gamble that only made my situation at home worse because i left after a fight, never contracted anyone and suddenly i had to come back and pretend nothing happened, worsening my relationship with everyone now that they know i hate them.

I actually dont even remember what happened in April anymore besides the fact i tried to kill myself, i only know this because i told some people but my memory of it is completely gone however it is relevant as it is now May and im a very depressive episode the whole month due to my current treatment and i then suddenly forget my mother's birthday at the end of it, im at my worst day and im being guilted and dragged into a birthday party that i do not have since im 10, without a shower, without time to comb my hair, looking my worst in a place full of people who actively hate me, who told they hate me many times, i felt vulnerable and violated, i had to leave early and had a panic attack which led me to go back into self harming, something I hadn't done for years but this is what brought it back and now i was in a very bad mood and locked at my room

Then immediately after, the person i lived with for what was nice for a month or two, she made me start my hrt and gather my documents to change gender and name officially, and gave me many other things but now there was a problem, she was so... obsessive and possessive over me and i never had shown any interest in her and this became weird fast, everything she did felt like she was trying to win me over, all the gifts all the help, it felt like she saw my state and thought i was mentally vulnerable enough, that she could "save" me which eventually led me to be highly uncomfortable and start distancing myself. She got mad at me, started telling me i should go to therapy despite the fact im open to the fact im not returning to one, there was a random threat of sending me to a psych ward, she questioned my relationships and said they were all bad for me despite barely knowing the people i involved myself with AND me, and as i exploded due to my already bad mood and my frustrations about how she was invading my personal space and thinking she is important to me, that only certain people could, she used my words to spread it to all my old group of friends in a way that made it seen like i hated them.

I was immediately abandoned by everyone i knew since 2015 or even early, the only stable relationships i had my whole life, i was called many names, thrown away without a second thought and only for me to find out this was already coming, that they already had a secret chat to talk bad about me without me knowing way before all this, so all this did was give them an excuse. Of course i also no income and now with her doing this, i have to sustain myself with my hrt meds, something around $40(BRL120) per month and $80(BRL240) every four months, my family already hates me and now i need them to buy these, further decreasing even the food i receive and now i can not ask for anything, not only that but i am now being forced into a job i can not have, causing me to once again cut.

It's been like that for two more months, i only gathered enough courage to leave the house once in July to pick up my new altered documents and once my birthday came in September, almost no one remembered, two people did but not even my partner at the time did — all while i watched so many people with September birthdays, even the same day as mine get everything, birthday wishes, gifts, a party. I have a horrible relationship with birthdays, i never had birthdays past 10yo, all i get since then is a cheap chocolate box and a rush to find a job and leave the house and this year was no different but with the added flavor or being blamed for the lack of money due to my meds. To me, birthdays represent the day i start existing and if no one says anything about it, it tells me I shouldn't exist, which is what i thought that day, I was forgotten by everyone again, i ended everything, even with my old partner, that was the third cutting in less than 5 months.

I truly was at my lowest by the end of September and only by October i would have better news, it was when i got much closer to p-chan, my current gf, when we started dating... he cares so much for me, helps me at my lowest moments and makes me feel secure, i now have new people around me that i talk more often with and even if things at home have not changed, they are a lot more manageable when i have someone that understands my mind and is able to help me stay mentally stable after everything i went through this year, i really have no words on how grateful i am to her, she has been my light this whole end of the year, i am going to next year a little more hopeful for the better which is more than i can say going to this year. Ive been beaten down this year over and over and over, with barely any time to breathe, i dont think i am over anything in it yet and im back into my self harming behavior, with cuts as new as two weeks ago but i am better than i was at the beginning of the year and that makes me know that i can start over next year, with better people at my side.

#big text for the year because i needed to say this somewhere #might delete at a later date #kind of a vent idk i just wanted to talk about my year because wow #love.txt #tw self harm #tw suicide mention

[peonyblossom]

Title: What If It's Now?

Book: Hollywood U

Pairing: Thomas Hunt x f!MC (Jackie Hunt)

Other Characters: Addison Sinclair

Words: 2,174

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic description of panic attacks/anxiety disorder, discussions of abortion

Summary: At the end of her final year of university, Jackie is at her wit's end. With only one week left, she's willing to work through her anxiety despite her physical symptoms. It isn't until Thomas connects the dots that the couple realizes there might be something more going on.

AO3 link here

Tags: @choicesmonthlychallenge for HSSHWUAW and @choicesficwriterscreations for Fics of the Week

Despite the fact that Thomas only taught part-time, it had been a long day for him. Exams were next week, which for film students meant finishing their final cuts, preparing monologues or scenes, and putting the final touches on their scripts. Thomas enjoyed teaching - he wouldn’t do it if he didn’t - but if he had to watch one more Star Wars fanfiction or read one more script about something the writer should just talk to a therapist about, he might lose it. 

The biggest downside of being married to a student was that he couldn’t escape the horrors of exam season just by going home, but only for one more week. It was Jackie’s last semester and she was really feeling the pressure. Her stress and anxiety were off the charts so much so that Thomas was genuinely concerned about her. Especially when he came home to find her being physically sick in their bathroom. 

He rushed in and used one hand to hold back Jackie’s hair and the other to rub circles on her back. Once she was done, she leaned back against Thomas’s chest. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head before asking, “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“I’m just so anxious about, like, everything. My thesis film is due on Monday and the editor still isn’t done with the final cut. And I know it’s stupid to be so anxious about it because there’s nothing I can do about it and Riley is a really good editor so I’m sure it’ll be done on time, but still. And I’m nervous about my final scene for my acting class even though I’ve rehearsed a million times. Plus I can’t tell if my final script–”

“Okay, take a deep breath,” Thomas interrupted, shutting Jackie up. “You’ve been stressed for months. It’s not healthy.”

Jackie sniffled and replied, “It’s only one more week and besides, I haven’t been that bad.”

Thomas rolled his eyes and thought back on his wife’s behavior for the past couple months. “You’ve been more irritable, you’ve been stress eating, and you even missed your period a few weeks ago.” Thomas paused, then slowly asked, “Are you sure you’re just stressed?”

“What? Of course I’m stressed, why would you–”

“Jackie. You’ve been irritable, had cravings and nausea, and you missed your period.”

Jackie was quiet for a minute. “You think I’m pregnant.”

They were careful. Granted, they weren’t perfect, but they were careful. In her panic, Jackie tried to think back on every single pill she took in the last month. She couldn’t remember missing even one. But it’s such a small thing, it’s easy to forget. She suddenly couldn’t trust her own memory. Just because she couldn’t remember it didn’t mean it didn’t happen. She didn’t remember her third birthday, but she definitely turned three many years ago. She couldn’t remember filling Duchess’s food bowl today, but it was full and Thomas hadn’t been home in hours, so she must have. But she couldn’t have missed a pill, could she? That, that is something she would remember.

“Jackie? Are you okay?” Thomas asked, breaking Jackie free of her hysteric cycle of thoughts. 

She stood up and started pacing. “No. No, I’m not– I can’t–” Her words stopped as her breathing became more rapid, making it difficult to speak. She felt tears in her eyes and her breathing turned to hyperventilating, leading to her head feeling fuzzy. 

Thomas quickly stood up and grabbed onto Jackie’s hands to stop her pacing and force her to look at him. “Jackie, take a deep breath with me, okay?” She met Thomas’s eyes and shakily followed his breathing pattern. Once he was confident she could breathe evenly without his help, he said, “Let’s go sit down,” and led Jackie to their bed, where he rubbed circles around her back as she tried to keep her breathing steady. “Do you want me to go buy a test?”

“No.” Jackie shook her head. “No, someone might recognize you and I don’t– I can’t have tabloids finding out about this. Let me, um, let me see if Addi can do it.” 

“Well, you deserve a break, love.” Thomas’s eyebrows furrowed in concern for his wife. If he thought he overworked himself, it was nothing compared to Jackie during exam season.

“‘A break’ is sitting on the patio with a book and an iced tea, not my heart beating twice as fast as normal while I wait for my friend to bring me a pregnancy test, okay? This is not a break, it's a breakdown.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Thomas offered, trying to keep Jackie from having another panic attack.

“Probably, but I don’t know what.” Jackie sighed. Her brain had stopped working. All there was was static and the occasional curse word.

“Can I ask you something? About this?” Thomas asked tentatively. This was an important conversation for them to have, regardless of the outcome of the test, but he didn’t want to trigger her anxiety any more.

“Of course.” Jackie sat up and wrapped her arms around her knees.

“Before we got married, you said you wanted kids, but it seems like you don’t want to be pregnant. Did you… change your mind?”

“No, of course not! It’s just,” Jackie sighed, “I haven’t even graduated college yet and I want to get my career started before we have kids, so honestly, probably not for another few years. Do you… not want to wait that long?”

Before Thomas could answer, the doorbell rang signaling Addison’s arrival. As much as Jackie wanted to hear Thomas’s response, she needed to know what that damn test would say, so she got off the bed and rushed to the door.

“Addi! Thank you so much!” Jackie said, grabbing the bag from her friend. 

“Of course! But I’m gonna need a full report on this situation ASAP, okay?” Addison reached forward and wrapped her arms around Jackie.

“Okay.” Jackie returned the hug. “Now let me go take the test, ‘kay, babes?”

Addison let go of Jackie and said, “Oh, right. Good luck!” She walked back to her car as Jackie closed the door and took a deep breath. 

Jackie slowly walked back to the bedroom where Thomas was waiting, the static in her head returning. She couldn’t tell what was worse: wildly overthinking or shutting down completely. On the one hand, she could wade through every single possible outcome to her problems, no matter how illogical. On the other, she was much less likely to send herself into a panic attack.

“Are you ready?” Thomas asked when she entered the bedroom, pulling her back to reality. 

“Not really, but we need to know.” Jackie went into the bathroom and opened the box. Thomas stood next to her as she read the directions out loud. When she was done, she slammed the directions on the counter and said, “This is nothing like Waitress.”

“You’re stalling.” Thomas smirked slightly.

“I know! I’m scared!” Jackie laughed nervously.

Thomas reached out to wrap her in a hug against his chest. He kissed the top of her head as she collapsed into him, tears spilling. “Take all the time you need, sweetheart.”

Jackie sniffled and responded, “Let’s just get this part over with. ‘Cause then we still have to wait.” She rolled her eyes and finally went to pee on the stupid stick. Once she was done, Thomas set a timer while she washed her hands and they returned to the bedroom. Jackie, once again, flopped onto her back while Thomas sat down next to her.

“So… you never answered my question. About, um, when you want kids.” Jackie stared at the ceiling avoiding Thomas’s gaze. 

“I would like to start trying soon, but I understand why you don’t want that and I’m willing to wait.” Thomas looked fondly at Jackie even though she wasn’t looking in his direction. 

“How soon is soon?” Jackie responded tentatively.

“As soon as you’re ready.”

Jackie sat up, finally looking at her husband. “So if I said I was ready now, you’d be on board with that?”

“Yes.”

Jackie flopped back again and groaned. “Well, I don’t want to make you wait, like, five years if you’re ready now! That’s so long!”

Thomas laid on his side next to Jackie admiring her side profile as she continued looking upwards. “I promise I don’t mind waiting as long as it takes for you to be ready, okay? But, since you want to wait, do you know what you want to do if you are pregnant?”

“No. I have no clue.” Jackie shook her head, tears returning to her eyes. They wanted kids and Thomas was ready, so why wait if the universe decided to give them a child? Jackie could put off starting her career a bit, right? It’s not necessarily what she wanted but the alternative options weren’t great either. But the more she thought about it the less appealing it was. Why should she put off her career for this if she didn’t have to? Yes, maybe the universe had given them a child, but it had also put them in a state with liberal laws and access to abortions. So how could Jackie possibly know what the universe wanted of her? Did it even matter what the universe wanted? Or was she just using that as a way to avoid making her own decision?

Jackie reached for Thomas’s hand and said, “Thomas, I’m spiraling. What would you want to do if I’m pregnant?”

Thomas brought Jackie’s hand to his lips pressing a chaste kiss against her fingers. “I would want to keep the baby. And if you want to get your career started, I’m more than willing to be a stay-at-home dad for a few years.”

“You’d be good at that.” She finally turned her head to look at Thomas. “I think that’s a good plan. I’m still not one-hundred percent sure what I want to do, but that’s a good option.” 

“I know it’s your body, your choice, but thank you for asking my opinion anyway.” 

“You’re my husband, Thomas. I value your opinion.” Jackie and Thomas leaned towards each other about to kiss when the timer went off. Jackie squeezed her eyes shut. “Oh God. I don’t wanna know. I don’t wanna know!”

“We need to know.” Thomas got off the bed.

“I know!” Jackie groaned and sat up. Thomas walked into the bathroom and got the test off the counter, careful not to look at the results until he was seated next to his wife. 

“You ready?” Thomas asked and all Jackie could do was nod her head, words escaping her. Thomas lifted the test and they read the results. Negative. Jackie let out a sigh of relief and leaned her head against Thomas’s shoulder. 

“Are you disappointed?” She asked.

“No. I already told you, I’m willing to wait as long as you want.” 

“God, how did I get so lucky?” Jackie smiled. “Ugh, I don’t even know what to do with myself now. I should probably get back to my essay–”

“How about that break instead? With a book and an iced tea on the patio?” Thomas loved his wife, but she did not know how to listen to her body. 

“But–”

“No. Go sit outside and I will bring you your tea and a book, okay? Not only do you need a break, but you deserve one.” Thomas kissed Jackie’s head before standing up and heading towards the kitchen.

Jackie smiled to herself as she made her way onto the back patio, sitting on the outdoor loveseat. Sometimes it was difficult for her to be as kind to herself as she should be. She was beyond thankful that when she wasn’t, Thomas would be. Navigating through life was so much easier with him by her side.

Thomas came outside and placed a glass of iced tea on the table in front of her and handed her one of her favorite books. “Here you go, sweetheart.” He kissed her lips before he turned to walk back into the house. Before he could get far, Jackie grabbed his arm, turning him towards her.

“Hang on. If I have to take a break, so do you.” She used her strength to pull Thomas onto the loveseat with her. “Wait here.” Jackie rushed back into the house and quickly returned with a glass of Scotch and a book. She thrust them into Thomas’s hands and said, “Here you go, babe.”

“Scotch? At two-thirty in the afternoon?” Thomas asked as Jackie sat down next to him.

“Immediately yes. After the afternoon we had? Yes.” She picked up her book and cuddled against Thomas, his presence easing her anxiety. It wasn’t a cure-all, but it was pretty damn close for the time being.

Thank you so much for reading my fic! I'm super sad to see HWU end, but I'm going to keep it alive a littler longer with my fics!

#tw: anxiety #tw: abortion #tw: panic attack #hollywood u #hollywood u fanfiction #Thomas hunt #jackie hunt #Thomas hunt x jackie hunt #Thomas hunt fanfic

[blixvoronin]

hunger pangs

summary: Blix fights off a panic attack. Indy negotiates. word count: 1.4k content warning: none mentions: @indraste-darktalon

Blix took a slow, heavy sigh, her fists clenching and unclenching around the knot in her throat. Her jaw hurt where it felt like she had kept it locked tightly shut for days. Knowing herself, she probably had. She wasn’t sure.

There were good days, and bad days, now. This was one of the bad ones – well, if she were being honest, it had been a bad week. Narrowly fighting off anxiety, trying to stop the bounce in her leg when she sat in chairs, feeling that same damn knot in her throat every moment so vividly she figured she’d choke on it. She reached up to rub at her eyebrow, and noticed a hangnail on one of the fingers of her left hand. Her course changed, and she chewed on it in an attempt to cure the ailment, one foot kicking up onto the seat of the chair she had perched herself on hours earlier.

She hadn’t eaten in… a full day? Two? She wasn’t sure. Sleep was hardly present, despite Indy’s best efforts – it felt like every time she was about to truly rest, everything came swimming back and shocked her into consciousness again. She hadn’t picked up her daggers, her guitar, books, nothing. Hadn’t worked on her alchemy. Hadn’t done anything. Her stomach lurched idly with hunger, but she ignored the pang, her eyes focused on nothing in the grain of the floorboards.

Blix wasn’t sure what had brought on this feeling. She’d been doing well. She’d been seeing her psychologist as directed – twice a week, Mondays and Thursdays, at nine in the morning. She’d been exercising. She’d been out in public, around friends, around the Cast Company. She’d been working. She’d been on contracts. She’d been doing her best.

A feeling of faint dizziness washed over her, and she realized then that she’d been breathing too quickly without realizing, the tightness in her chest a black omen of an impending anxiety attack if she didn’t ground herself. Shutting her eyes, her fingers twitched as she whispered to herself. “Five things you can see. The – the floor. The rug. My hands. Tilly, sleeping in the corner.” She cracked an eye open. “… A-a book.” She shut her eye again, curling into herself.

“Four I can touch. My shirt, the chair, the floor, m-my hair.” The knot in her throat seemed to grow, and she swallowed hard, forcing herself to take a deep, slow breath and hold it for a moment before breathing out through pursed lips. “… Threeeeee … I can hear. My heartbeat. Tilly’s snoring. My voice.” A beat passed. “Two I can smell.” Metal. Sulfur. Blood. “… lavender,” she corrected herself, focusing on her surroundings. “Earthroot extract.” The smell comforted her, slightly, and she felt her shoulders begin to relax.

She opened her jaw wide, stretching out the tension in the muscles. “One I can – one I can taste. Nothing, I guess? Shit.” She opened her eyes, rubbing at her temples. “Shit. Shit.” Standing up suddenly, she wrapped her arms around herself and walked over to Tilly, sitting beside the darter. The creature groggily looked up, blinking his eyes in a bleary gesture before grunting and clumsily crawling into Blix’s lap. Curling up there, the darter laid his head down with a thump, letting out a shuddering breath as he fell asleep again. Blix laid a hand over Tilly, stroking him gently with her thumb as she leaned her head back against the wall. When she opened them, she was met with Indy, who had taken a seat by her side and offered Blix a reassuring smile.

“You need to eat,” Indy whispered. “I can hear your stomach growling.”

Blix nodded, leaning her head against Indy’s shoulder before the druid curled an arm protectively around the smaller woman. “I know,” Blix breathed. “… I just – I feel like I’m backsliding. The panic’s coming back, and I don’t know what to do.”

“But you worked through it, moonfire,” Indy reminded Blix gently. “You did that – all by yourself. That’s leaps forward. You’re doing more than enough. Some days are just…” The druid shook her head, and Blix snorted.

“Difficult?” Blix asked.

“Brutal,” Indy agreed. “I still catch myself dreaming about Outland, sometimes. All of the time I spent there – the people I was with. I don’t believe the anxiety will ever truly vanish, but we do learn how to manage it… and you’ve been doing remarkably well.”

“Thanks. I… I don’t know. I think it’s got something to do with – with me being out more, you know? Being part of this whole collective, and – and trying to make a good impression, and, like, rebrand myself.” Blix shut her eyes, frowning.

“Who said you had to do that?” Indy asked curiously. “Moonfire, Ranek wanted you to join the Cast Company because of who you are, not who he expected you to be. That’s all anyone wants from you – for you to be yourself. Besides, if you ask me, I think you’re spectacular.” She smiled, leaning down to nuzzle into the crown of Blix’s hair affectionately.

“Think you’re right,” the rogue responded quietly, her eyes opening again as she stared off into the room. “It’s a new environment, is all, you know? I feel out of my element.”

“Then let me help you,” Indy said, nudging Blix with her side. “I had to readjust to Azeroth, and you helped me. You’ve changed the course of your life after leaving the military, and the least that I can do is hold you steady while you find your footing doing something new. Something that, so far, you’ve proven yourself to be really good at. Night, I never would have been able to be as confident during the Faction Packed Night if you hadn’t been there.”

“You were just motivated to beat that Zandalari,” Blix retorted jokingly, and smiled as it earned her another nudge.

“I was,” Indy agreed, “because you made me want to. My point is, you give me confidence in so many things and always encourage me. Let me do the same for you, for once. You don’t always have to be strong.”

“You’d think after being married to a kaldorei who could break me in half for years, I’d have learned that lesson,” Blix mumbled, looking up to Indy with a gentle smile.

“You’d think so,” the druid replied, kissing Blix’s forehead. “You’d also think being married to the same kaldorei, who works as a healer, would convince you to take better care of yourself. Like eating normally.”

“You’d think so,” Blix echoed. “Okay. Fine. You’ve twisted my arm.”

“Good,” Indy said, her brows lofting. “Because otherwise, I was going to have to find an extremely creative way to get you to put something in your stomach, and I doubt it would have been pleasant.”

“What, would you have asked Asha to moonfire me?”

“Moonfire – Night, no. I’d never wish that on you. I would have gotten Tilly to sneeze in your mouth before offering food to wash out the taste of glittery snot.”

“Oh, that’s evil, Indy. How cruel – but efficient. I like it. Mark me down as scared and turned on,” Blix chuckled.

Indy laughed, her cheeks tinging purple. “Hush, you. Come on. I’ll make you food. What do you feel like?”

Blix shook her head for a moment as Indy gently picked up Tilly to move him back to his previous spot. “I don’t know. Something – something spicy.”

“Mm. Spicy, I can make happen,” Indy nodded. “Just sit tight for a moment. I’m making you drink water, too.”

“Noooo,” Blix groaned. “Hydration is for demons.”

“Demons, and people who want to survive. This is non-negotiable. You will hydrate.” Indy nailed Blix with a serious look, though her lips quirked towards a smile, and Blix idly chewed on the dried skin of her lips.

Indy was right.

Blix nodded. “Okay,” she conceded. After a beat, she took Indy’s hand. “Thank you. For looking out for me.”

Indy blinked, somewhat perplexed. “Moonfire, this is my job. You’re my wife – of course I’m going to look out for you.”

“I know, wildflower,” Blix said. “I just – I still really appreciate it, and I hope you know how much I love you. It means a lot to me that you’re willing to – to do any of it.”

Indy’s expression softened, and she wrapped Blix in a hug. “Always,” she replied. “I will always be willing to, as long as it keeps you safe and happy.”

Blix returned the embrace, smiling. “You make me happy.”

She could always breathe easier around Indy. She was lucky for that – for the fact that, in a world where Blix seemed to think anxiety was an everpresent curse, she always had a place where she knew true calm.

#indy #ic #((never gonna be over these two)) #wowrp #world of warcraft

[sleepy-exe]

Shapeshifter AU - 16

Iwaizumi x f!reader

<< Part 15 | Part 17 >>

Summary: Having anxiety is hard. Avoiding the people you love and overworking yourself does not help. Having someone to lean on isn’t so bad. **PLEASE READ WARNINGS**

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: anxiety (get ready boys that's the theme of this whole damn chapter yikes), graphic description of a panic attack, overworked/work stress, so much stress (i am stressed)

Genre: sfw, hurt/comfort, fluff

a/n: I’m sorry about this part. Look everyone is cute this whole chapter. Ya know, besides the panic attack situation im this part. I make it better, i swear.

Part 16: I'm Falling

After receiving a text that Iwaizumi was headed up to her apartment, she quickly unlocked the front door and returned to her spot on the larger of the sofas, sitting on the side closest to the windows and maneuvered her laptop to balance on the sofa arm as she got back to work. She had finished at the office around 5pm, only to come straight home and keep working from her laptop. With a meeting with directors and a company president coming up, she was too stressed to stop working while in the middle of a document she’d need to turn in soon. Plus everything was fresh in her mind right now and she didn't want to risk losing it.

When Iwaizumi made it to her apartment, the knocking at the door had Mochi running full speed to the entryway, meowing up a storm.

She called over her shoulder, “Come in!”

As he stepped into the apartment, Mochi attempted to climb his legs. So he stopped to give her the attention she demanded before removing his shoes and coat.

“Hey, sorry, I’m still working.” Her eyes didn't leave her laptop as she typed up her document.

“Still? This late?” Making his way over, he relaxed on the sofa next to her. “Did you get a late start or something?”

“No.. I just- I just wanted to get this finished up so I won't have to worry about it.” She was so engrossed in her work she wasn’t even blinking. She was feeling rushed even though there was no need to be. Though she had been that way all day.

He looked her up and down for a moment. “Okay. Don't overwork yourself though.” He peered over at the screen she was so focused on, words appearing as quickly as her fingers hit the keys. “Are you hungry?”

“N-No. Feel free to grab whatever if you are though.”

He frowned. When wasn’t she hungry? “I already ate..”

She paused, hovering fingers over the keyboard. Guilt possibly sinking in, but her chest had already felt heavy so maybe it wasn’t that. Or was it? “Sorry.. I shouldn’t be too much- too much longer. Promise.”

As she returned to typing, he moved so that he was laying down. Legs kicked over one end of the sofa, head resting on her free lap. He pulled his phone out and held it in front of his face to occupy himself in the meantime.

The clicking of keys, rain hitting the wall of windows, the not-so-quiet evening was comfortable even while they each did their own thing. At least minus her stressed state. Occasionally, she’d idly reach down and play with his hair in an attempt to calm her nerves, but also because she didn't want to feel like she was completely ignoring him. Plus, his hair was surprisingly soft.

Her attention was pulled from the screen when she felt a sudden jerk, making her heart race in surprise before registering that he was catching his phone before it could hit him. He briefly brought the phone away from his face and closed his eyes, mumbling, “If you keep doing that, I’ll fall asleep.”

She chuckled, fingers still threaded through his hair. “Sure ya weren’t just asleep for a second?”

He mumbled something incoherent as he brought his attention to his phone once more.

She went back to typing again, this time leaving his hair alone and focusing on getting this done for the night so they can enjoy their evening. But she doesn't feel quite right. Message notifications buzz on her silenced phone, making her head rush further. So she ignores them in favor of finishing her last couple of lines to fix.

Something didn't feel rightthough.. She knew this feeling, but it hadn't been around in quite some time. She had been doing so good, so why does she feel like she's about to suffocate? No, she knows. She's been ignoring the signs all day, but now she's not alone. Can she get away from Iwaizumi without alarming him? She just wants to be alone right now, like she always does when stricken with sudden panic like this. Having an episode in front of someone else sounds like a nightmare to her; to be that vulnerable when not off on her own.

She carefully moved her laptop to the end table on her right, trying her best to conceal any shakiness in her arms. With a quick glance to Iwaizumi she saw that his phone still had his attention and attempted to use his distraction in her favor. Grabbing her empty glass from earlier, she slipped away and walked to the kitchen, but instead of refilling the glass, she quietly paced the kitchen. Sometimes just walking around would help.

But apparently not tonight. Her heart rate still crept higher and she had to work to control her breathing. Giving in to the thought that there was no use in fighting it, she sat the glass on the counter and quickly made her way through the living space to her master bath without a sound, hoping not to alert her friend.

**Warning: Panic attack described below. If this may be bothersome or triggering, please skip to the next horizontal line where “After cleaning herself up she walked through her bedroom” follows.**

After she closed herself in the bathroom, falling to the tile floor, letting her back hit the sink, catching her feet as they slid on the floor. Fingers gripped thighs hard enough to leave marks, but let go just to run up and down her skin before gripping hard again. Vision blurred with tears that have yet to fall, and air caught in her throat before her breathing became rapid and loud until she began to gasp for air.

Then she started to sob there on the tile floor, panicking and overwhelmed. The tile may have been cold, but she couldn't feel it. She couldn’t hear anything other than her staggered breaths that she tried so desperately to slow down. Short whines escaped her throat here and there, she was just so lost in her thoughts and emotions. Logic telling her to correct her breathing, to ground herself, that everything was fine, but the feeling of overwhelming panic drowned out logic to the point it couldn’t be acted on even though she kept trying to call it forward. She knew she was fine, she knew there was no need for this, but there she was on the floor of her master bathroom hiding away. A habit she got into years ago as she would rather deal with this alone.

She caught sight of the door opening in her peripheral, making her whip her head in the direction of where Iwaizumi stared in shock, but she couldn’t concentrate when every part of her mind screamed for him to go away.

But she doesn't want him to go away.

But she doesn't want to be a bother.

Suddenly, he was kneeled on the floor beside her, carefully reaching out to cup her face, wiping away tears as they poured from her eyes. But panic said to run away, but she didn't want to. It said danger, but she knew he was safe.

He was talking, but she couldn't hear him pass the ringing in her ears and raw emotion clawing at her mind. She blinked and she's in his lap; he pulled her there, wrapping her in his arms and pressing her head to his chest. She sat tense in his arms sobbing uncontrollably while he placed soft kisses on her head and spoke to her, but the words were too muffled to make out.

But with an ear pressed to his chest, his heartbeat wasn’t so clouded. With the new sound to help distract from the screaming in her head, logic reappeared just enough to direct her eyes to individual objects until she could name what they were. She could see even through the tears as they fell, and she could smell that sage, orange, and black pepper on the man she'd grown close to.

And she could hear his heart beat fast as he watched her breakdown. She could hear his mummers of affection, attempts of soothing. She could feel the heat from his body, and his arms around her and his head against hers. And her senses are back alive and it’s overwhelming.

So she pulled herself from his hold to sit on the cold tile that she could now feel. Hands pressed flat against the little squares beneath her. She took deep breaths over and over, looking down at the tiles and her hands, then up to Iwaizumi who was obviously trying to control his expression.

Because she freaked him out, right? She scared him? She held his stare and continued her deliberate breaths, deeper and longer until she no longer felt like she was suffocating.

**If you skipped the panic scene, you can start again here.**

She let out a weak, “I’m sorry.”

But he furrowed his brows and kept speaking softly, just as he has done since he let himself in the bathroom looking for his friend who took off running seemingly out of nowhere. “No no no.. Hey..” He slowly reached over and cupped her face once more, brushing tear soaked cheeks under his thumbs. “It’s okay, you’re okay.. Yeah?”

She nodded hard, voice caught in her throat when she tried to speak again. So she closed her eyes and waved her hands hoping to signal that she just needed a moment, and she felt his hands slip away.

Sounds of careful footsteps, a cabinet door squeaking, running water. She focused on her hearing and breathing, feeling her heart slow down, until she felt him beside her once more, and a warm damp cloth against her cheeks. She opened her eyes to him wiping her cheeks clean with worry in his eyes. “I don’t know what happened.. but you're okay, okay? You don't have to talk.” He dropped the cloth to the side when he was done with it and brushed a hand through her hair. “If I did anything-“

She shook her head to let him know that he didn't cause this.

“Okay.. but if I did, please let me know. I’d never mean to hurt you.” He held her face again and rested his head on hers.

She reached up and held his wrists. “Sorry, I worried you..”

He whispered to her, letting her know she didn't need to apologize followed by a string of affirmations.

“Wasn’t you. I don't know what it was. I just felt- Felt like a cornered animal. Scared, stuck.. but not because of you.” Tears started to well up again and he hushed her, wiping her eyes. “I’m fine now.”

“You just started to cry again," he stated point blank.

“I’m just- It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m okay.” She brought hands up to cover her face.

“You are okay.” He brushed stray hairs back. “Do you think you can eat?”

She shook her head ‘no’.

“Okay.. What about some tea or water?”

“Hmm. Tea.”

“Do you have any? What kind do you want?”

“Have some in the kitchen. Don't care what,” she leaned forward and pulled him into a hug, “Please stay..”

He rubbed soothing circles on her back. “What about your tea?”

She pushed away from him and looked into his somber eyes with her glassy ones, “That’s not what I meant.”

He held her gaze, “Yeah, of course. As long as that’s what you want. I’ll stay.”

She nodded softly before standing, gripping her shirt hem. “Still staying tonight then?”

“Yeah,” he stood as well, shoving hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I’ll go get your tea started.”

“M’kay,” she waved away from herself, “Just give me a minute.”

“Of course,” he stepped out of the room, pulling the door closed behind him to give her some privacy.

After cleaning herself up she walked through her bedroom and peeked out the doorway into the living space. “Iwaizumi?”

“Yeah?” She could hear his voice come from the kitchen.

“Can you just come back here when you’re ready?”

He stepped around the kitchen just long enough to ask if she still wanted tea and that he would be right there.

She turned back to her room and went to her smaller closet that she's mostly dedicated to blankets, pillows, and other bedding items. Pulling out a large fluffy blanket, the same one she gave him the first time he stayed over, and added it to the blankets already on her bed.

Iwaizumi was walking in with her tea and some biscuits when she was done. She grabbed the tea and snack, thanking him, and went to sit on her bed and he joined her. “I know you didn't want anything, but I thought you should probably try to eat something,” he spoke calmly and quietly.

“I wanted to thank you again.” She inhaled the steam from her tea, raspberry and pomegranate dancing in her nose. “I don't normally do that when people are around.. Which I think might have made it worse at first - the unexpected added to the whole thing. But you were- I haven’t had the option of someone comforting me.. with that sort of thing.”

She drank her tea while he spoke, “Well. I’m glad I could be there for you. Though I wish I could have done more.”

“Nah,” she shook her head and nibbled a biscuit. “It can’t be helped. Pretty sure at that point it's up to how I work through it.”

He gave her that look. The one that says he wanted to ask something but refrained.

“Any chance I can get you to stay in here and cuddle?”

“Do you think I’d tell you no?” He smiled softly. The first smile she saw on him since she ran off to the master bath.

She perked at that and put her tea and biscuits on the nightstand, hoping Mochi wouldn’t get into it. “Oh. I need to go feed Mochi.”

He hummed. “I may have already fed her. Wasn’t sure if you planned on coming out of here tonight, so. Hope that’s fine.”

“Nah. Thank you, actually.” She grabbed his arm, dragging him with her to the middle of the large bed. They fell back into the soft blankets. With her curled against his side, he wrapped an arm around her, gently stroking her back. As her head rested on his chest, her breathing soon matched his and she relaxed. In the silence together, they soon drifted asleep.

Part 17 >>

#you never learn #iwaizumi haikyuu #haikyuu iwaizumi #iwaizumi fic #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi scenarios #iwaizumi x y/n #hq iwaizumi #hurt/comfort #anxiety tw #panic attack tw #iwaizumi hajime fanfic #iwaizumi hajime x y/n #iwaizumi hajime x you #iwaizumi hajime #Iwaizumi (27 athletic trainer) Hajime #shapeshifter au #haikyuu au #haikyuu fic

[mychemicallyimbalancedromantic]

Dim The Sun And Wonder Where We've Been

Chapter 3

Word count: 690 Rating: Teen Pairing: Logicality, Prinxiety Warnings: Panic attacks

Read it on AO3

Virgil never intended to call Roman, truthfully. But that didn’t mean Roman couldn’t call him. He was sitting on the table, half watching whatever was on TV and half writing, when the phone buzzed. Since Logan and Patton were on a date, Virgil presumed one of them must be calling to say they were late or something, so he picked up the phone without checking. “Hello?” he greeted, taking a sip of his sugared black coffee. 

“Virgil! How are you?” Virgil spluttered, spitting coffee over his shirt. 

“Uh, hi, Roman! I wasn’t expecting you to, uh, call me,” he stuttered, realising there’d been an uncomfortably long pause. 

“Well, I never deleted your number, so…” Roman tailed off, and Virgil twisted his fingers into his hair. He wasn’t sure what to make of that. Roman picked his sentence back up. “Anyway, I was bored, so do you want to hang out?” Though Virgil knew hanging out with his ex, especially this one, was a bad idea, but he was bored too, and not enough of an asshole to break that hopeful note in Roman’s voice. 

“Sure. You can come over if you like.” 

The true magnitude of what Virgil had just agreed to didn’t hit him until he’d hung up. Spending time with Roman? What was he thinking? He tried his best to shake off the fear and prepare. 

Thankfully, Logan was very neat and Patton had a tendency to stress clean, so the apartment was generally pretty tidy. However, Virgil’s room was a different story. Depression and executive dysfunction made him struggle to keep it clean, and it showed. It wasn’t dirty, there wasn’t any food or anything, but the floor was covered in clothes, and coffee mugs littered every surface. Cursing, Virgil surveyed the mess. This would take a while. 

When Virgil had finally got his room to an acceptable standard, he was surprised to see nearly an hour had passed. And Roman still wasn't there. To Virgil’s recollection, Roman lived under thirty minutes away, so he felt anxiety bubble inside of his chest. There is an explanation, he told himself, in what sounded like Patton’s voice. Everything’s fine. Desperate for a distraction, Virgil turned on the TV and perched on the arm of the sofa, leg bouncing, phone in hand. 

Just as Virgil’s anxiety began to culminate in a full panic attack, he heard a rhythmic knocking at the door, the pattern straight from his memory. “Roman?”  Virgil called hesitantly, voice shaking and weak. Hearing the rough quality to his ex’s voice, Roman quickly came in. 

“Virgil? Honey, what’s wrong?” As Roman sat beside Virgil, tentatively wrapping an arm around his waist, the other hand in his faded purple hair, Virgil dimly registered that Roman was still good at dealing with panic attacks. 

Roman managed to get Virgil to calm down pretty quickly. He sat back, giving Virgil a little space. “Are you… okay?” he asked. The question was tiny, but the three words were almost enough to set Virgil off again. 

“Yeah,” Virgil breathed. “Thanks. You really helped.” The two shared a smile, heavy with memories long gone, but not forgotten. Never forgotten. 

Walking into Virgil’s living room two hours later, you’d think that the last year had never passed. The two were in a position that they hadn’t been in for too long, though it still felt familiar; draped half over each other under a shared blanket. Snow White, one of Roman’s favourite Disney movies, was playing, though neither of the two were fully paying attention. They were focusing on each other’s steady breathing and thudding heartbeats, how Roman’s warmth and Virgil’s cold perfectly balanced out. 

But mostly, they were focusing on how much they’d missed this. How they’d missed being so close, both emotionally and physically. How they missed not really having to think about things, like what others thought, or what they should be doing, or what they were feeling. Confused. Confused because they were exes, they shouldn’t be enjoying this. Confused because they were both feeling that spark of flame they used to feel when they talked, when they touched, when they kissed.

#prinxiety #logicality #virgil sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides