#and I think I’m mentally I’ll

[nightly-ruse]

I think I may be a little odd

#I’ve been thinking about like everything/neg/pos/breakdown inducing #and I think I’m mentally I’ll #like yeah no shit but also it’s very clear #I literally got out of breath the other day talking about wolves and Yellowstone bc I was talking so fast about them #also have very wild mood swings paired with abandonment issues constant shame for ppl caring about me and trauam over friendships bc #so many have gone wrong and I’ve been forever changed or abandoned (both in one case) #I mean I met this girl at a school meet and she just reminded me of a person who hurt me. they had the same same mannerisms looked similar #besides the hair and I had a full panic attack. I feel bad about that she probably was really nice #or how I feel sick just thinking about the local park bc it’s where I was forced to hang out with a ex friend that wrecked me #such a mixing bowl of bad traits #I can focus I can’t remember I’m either too lazy or too hyper to stay still I can’t regulate tone well and scare myself constantly just by #talking. relationships always end in a burning bridge even when they were so good bc I get so paranoid and scared they’ll leave that I leave #myself. jumping to crazy conclusions to the point I start hallucinating due to stress #I mean how do I even explain to my therapist that my only good friends ended with me skipping school the last days bc I thought one died. #she actually just left school early. #that one I kinda get even tho it’s fucking nuts bc tjat year has mentally burned me so goddamn much but still #and even tho I’ve kinda had a constant itch that something completely explains why I’m this way but am too scared to bring it up bc of #change and trauma related to bringing up my own mental health #I don’t even know what thsi is anymore sorry #should just shut up and sleep #I’ll be fine by morning anyways so what does it even fucking matter #ruse rambles #vent tag

[dykecubes]

Tazercraft mental link but make it a lil bit weird, they’ll have a conversation mostly in their heads but partially out loud which from an outside perspective is just fragments of words and half sentences, they go dead silent for hours at a time only for them to suddenly start shouting out loud, very clearly mid-argument, Pac says something but it comes out of Mike’s mouth, Mike starts speaking with his mouth and finishes speaking with Pac’s, sometimes their thoughts become so tangled that they’re unsure who a thought belongs to so they both express it at the same time like horror movie twins, do you see my vision

#fae.txt #qsmp #qsmp tazercraft #tazercraft #there was gonna be fitpac (fitpacmike??) in this post originally but I chose to cut it out bc I’m not sure if it fit lol #(pun not intended) #but anyway #I just think that if you shared a mental connection with someone like that it wouldn’t be as easy to control as some fics make it out to be #not without like #an absurd amount of meditation and mental work #which let’s be real neither of them have the patience to sit down and do for several hours a day #and it’s extremely hard to control your own thoughts as is WITHOUT being connected to someone mentally #so I think if you had a bond like this it would be a little weird but they’d definitely be used to it #thank you for coming to my ted talk #maybe I’ll write a fic about this idk yet

[vide0-nasties]

Going to be rambling insanely about Ghost and probably what his feelings on the monarchy would be, coming from one deeply damaged povo to another.

Anyway, specifically around the time the parasite in chief in her idiot hat (thanks Eccleston lub u) died and passed said idiot hat on, I was seeing a lot of (fun and gentle-ribbing, mind you!) posts about Ghost getting razzed about the queen croaking and maybe him being sad about it or something - I don’t really remember bc I have shit for brains and I just latch onto what bits my adhd will allow.

SO. I really don’t think Bruv Innit gave two shits about Liz buying the farm, bc he grew up working class in a working class town to a drug addicted, drug peddling dad, and a fairly nondescript mom who likely didn’t have a way to get her and her kids out of that shit situation (per ‘09 MW lore and some presumption). I imagine dude was dragged around a shitload of council estates and his dad’s friends’ shitty crash pads, no stability whatsoever, where food insecurity was a big ass forever-looming deal, mom had no idea if her 20 year old vauxhall was going to make it another trip to her minimum wage part time job, and school was forever on the back burner bc when it came to school supplies/trips vs eating and keeping the lights on. You can guess which one won.

If we’re also going with him being about 35-40ish, he would’ve been 10-12ish or so around Diana’s divorce and then her death. So, here’s this starving, horrendously abused kid, with his starving, horrendously abused mother and little brother, drowning in a system that is pretty much just letting them sink to the bottom, nothing is being done about the evil sperm donor that ruins everything for them, and he’s obliterated constantly by TV coverage and tabloids and radio DJs talking about this goddamned family’s stupid fucking drama. Charles cheated, Diana left, her poor boys in their fancy private schools with their endless wealth and glowing skin and brand new clothes that don’t stink of consignment shops are sad.

Sorrows - sorrows, prayers. 🫶

It’s a story he’s seen countless times, the only difference is money and coverage. And, realistically, the women in the stories he knows aren’t killed in car wrecks, they’re killed by their infuriated husbands who think they’re owed something catching up. Maybe that’s why his mom doesn’t leave the cocksucker that trapped her, she could’ve ended up another council house Diana that no one gave a shit about.

He grows up, becomes a butcher’s apprentice, joins the army. Straightens his brother out, makes sure his mom is set up nice, finally beats the shit out of his dad. And all the while, there looms the most fucking pointless, parasitic family in England: living off taxes taken from the public, god knows how much land and how many castles, even owning all the fucking swans on the island.

Relics, vampires, leeches.

But, you know, twenty years down the road, he’s pushing 40, his services to the country are done in the dark, the family he tried so badly to save were brutally cut down anyway, and when he goes to Tesco, the price of a fifth of piss Smirnoff is insane, and he’s still got Soap swimming in his head mid-rant bc his mam’s fucking knee replacement appeal has been denied for the third time and she can’t even walk anymore, Gaz is moving for the second time in a year bc he just can’t afford to live close to his parents even on his salary, meanwhile there was a stretch where it looked like Philip was surviving solely by being pumped full of virgin blood and straight stem cells.

So, yeah, if anything he probably said cheers when the news broke and cracked a couple extra jokes that day.

“What d’you call one dead Windsor? A good start.”

Edit: This is picking up some traction. @50cal-fullauto-astarion is my CoD blog if you like my Call of Bullshit stuff, this is my main and I don’t really go into CoD here

#simon ghost riley #modern warfare ii #ghost cod #call of duty #mw2 #ghost #I’m mentally ill and I love that he is also mentally ill and probably looks at the monarchy with disgust #if he can vote depending on whether he’s legally dead or not he voted no on brexit #some rando at base is like ‘how can you make a joke like that think about the children they lost their nan’ #and he just goes ‘I’ll hunt those little shits for sport’

[dxrkvibez]

willry + cringy capcut templates, part 1

#i’m on a willry spiral rn #don’t mind me #i’ll be okay (i think) #i’m kidding i’ll never mentally recover from #from these two gay idiots #willry #helliam #spring frontier #henry emily #william afton #dave miller #spring trap #spring bonnie #fred bear #fnaf #five nights at freddy's

[ibtisams]

I don’t want to sound like those who complain of “boycott fatigue” or “activism burnout” because what I’m feeling is not even close to that, and I am always aware that those currently in Gaza experience everyday is incomparable to anything I can and will ever feel. With all of that being said, I have also lost so much during these 2 months and not had a chance to process or grieve and my mental health has suffered tremendously because of it. I am so beyond exhausted and in a horrible place mentally so I am going to take a small break from being online while I focus on my mental health and getting my life together after these nonstop 2 months

#I hate to sound like I am complaining and diminishing what those in Gaza go through without having a break at all #it is a luxury to be able to take a break but I don’t think I’ll ever truly be able to take a break #Gaza is on my mind every second of the day I close my eyes and see those images and I dream of those images and I am as vocal as I can be #but I need to step back and put myself first and prioritise my mental health because I am really not doing well #I’m so sorry I know how this all looks and sounds but I think I am closer than most to the situation I hope you can see that #I have a queue and of course I will never fully be able to be offline so I’ll still check messages or mutuals can reach me on discord #🦢

[honeypleasejustkillme]

“you’re so funny” thanks i literally have nothing else going for me

#actually bpd #bpd problems #bpd vent #actually borderline #actually mentally ill #bpd fp #bpd #bpd shitposting #bpd favorite person #bpd mood #i make jokes and am a chaotic person and people think that’s funny #i don’t understand it but i’ll take it.. at least i’m good at something

[kangals]

approx 20000th time I’ve posted this but just to make it one more. if I don’t hear back about puppy this week I WILL be going froth-at-the-mouth insane about it.

#intense mental battle of me desperately choking out my internal need to Be Annoying (send multiple follow up emails) #needs to be illegal for ppl to tell me ‘soon’ #wtf does soon mean. you told me soon TWELVE DAYS AGO #but also I’m scared of asking again bc this will literally be the fourth time I’ll have emailed after being told ‘soon’ and I don’t want #this woman to think I’m annoying. But also I am internally combusting. if u even care.

[sylvies-kablooie]

the problem w loki s2: hey, where did the women go?

this is criticism so if that isn’t your thing you have been forewarned! i knew by episode 2 that something was off compared to s1 and i couldn’t quite place it. was it the sole focus on drab retro futurist TVA aesthetic instead of the colorful cinematography in s1? was it the focus being placed upon this Loom that we just found out is a thing and also Hey we have to stop it right now? Was it the lack of sylvie content?

but i think it just comes down to bad writing and whilst also trying to salvage what we DID get, i would feel dishonest to pretend that my problems with s2 arose from the finale alone. and while there were narrative inconsistencies between the seasons, i think a central error in s2 was sidelining the female characters.

s1 had beautiful themes, including self-acceptance and the power of love, and was building up to a ton of unanswered questions. a central theme of s1 (like it or not) was the connection between sylvie and loki. it was intended by waldron and herron from the start to be a romance, but beyond the romantic aspect, sylvie was the driving force of the show. she’s the variant the TVA is chasing, she’s the one who reveals that the TVA is a lie and makes everyone question what they were taught, it’s her that plunges the blade into HWR and opens the multiverse- and it’s no secret that in s2 she was largely off screen, only to show up at key plot points and kind of make things difficult rather than allow a further explanation into her character. and i could and might make a whole post on the sidelining of sylvie, but also- renslayer.

we saw a lot of renslayer in s1! she was pretty damn integral to the plot. her connection with mobius was fascinating, her dedication to doing what she saw as the right thing even when she learned all her gods were dead, her willingness to prune her best and maybe only friend to protect the big TVA lie- that was captivating. she’s also the first character we get to see the real non-TVA life of! she’s a principal at a school! and what did we get from her in s2?

she throws the book at victor, we learn she was his general and she’s Mad, and then exiled to the void. she’s barely there this season despite being central to s1! why, when you have an actor as talented as gugu mbatha-raw, would you not take advantage of that! we see threads of what COULD have happened in her storyline- her alliance with miss minutes, realizing maybe they never needed him at all- but at the end she’s pruned, thrown in the void and That’s That’s, stay tuned to see if anything happens in one of the endless future installments. we get that amazing I’m order line, and then what? and what type of order is she even representing? why is she so willing to toss mobius to the curb? you see why we need more development here?

b-15 met a similar fate. actually, i was really excited at the start of s2 to see her get her moment defending the new branches, realizing those were people, seeing the grief on her face; remember, sylvie showed her her life on the timeline, so this is personal for her. but she’s also quickly regaled to the side after her speech in the war room. she was a doctor, she is VERITY WILLIS, but do we get into any of this? No! (I also didn’t like her willingness to negotiate with Dox after the bombed the timelines, saying deep down I know you’re good right after we watched her cry over the devastation that had brought to the timelines, but maybe that’s another point)

and dox? what’s the deal with her! we are introduced to this strong general with a weird connection to brad, someone who is willing to go against TVA orders to bomb the timelines in the defense of what she believes is right, but then- squashed in a cube. that’s that. no examination into why she would be willing to betray the TVA in that way but also NOT join renslayer, no explanation into what was going on w brad.

(brad is worth a whole separate post but this is focusing on the ladies so just keep that in the back of your mind)

and back to sylvie. i saw some people point out how gross her being frozen during the final battles between her and loki was; how it eliminated her agency and allowed the men to have a Serious Talk. i have to say i agree with that judgement. in this season we get to see glimpses of what sylvie wants, but the unresolved relationship (whichever way you wish to characterize it- you do you!) between her and loki just hangs in the air like a heavy storm cloud i kept waiting to break but it… didn’t. the closest we got was the pie room scene, but everything between them was stilted and awkward when she was onscreen, which wasn’t that much.

it was almost as if the connection with loki was considered in opposition to her role as a Strong Woman, in a way- she was Strong and Angry. in s1 we see sides of her that defy stereotype- giving that doomed child her candy to ease the pain, her admitting to loki that she numbed herself with flings; there’s a vulnerability there, a complexity. the two of them rehashed their first fight again and again instead of moving onto something new (that being said sophia’s performance in episode 3 added a weight to the story that pleased me greatly) but overall she was regarded as a plot obstacle to be hidden away- at least past episode 3.

anyway i do think it comes down to writers biting off more than they could chew and losing the central concept of the show and focusing on sciencey plot rather than characterization. you can’t make season 1 centered around a love story and then pretend that didn’t happen and expect a cohesive transition between seasons. you can’t bombard us over and over again with the centrality of loki and sylvie’s duality- all of the we’re the sames, all of the i’m not you’s, and then move into s2 deciding it’s time to focus on only one half of that duo you spent the whole series focusing on.

you also can’t give us a “aHH we’re all gonna explode” thing over and over again and expect us to give a damn when you’re not letting the characters have dialogue that makes us say, oh man, i hope this loom thing doesn’t blow up, because i want to see where the connections they have going on end up! you can’t replace emotional weight with a ticking time bomb and expect it to do the work for you.

there are other problems with the series as well, and other people are far more articulate than i am, but the lack of female gaze and only one episode having a female writer this season was glaring, imo.

thank u for coming to my tedtalk and i’d love to hear ur thoughts!

#there was also just no whimsy #it was whimsy-less #but that’s another point entirely #anyway i’m torn between embracing what i do like about s2 and throwing the whole thing in the trash mentally #loki series negativity #loki series critical #loki tv show #loki #loki series #loki show #loki tv #loki s2 #renslayer baby i’m so sorry they did all of that to you you deserved SO much better #and sylvie and dox and b-15 #i’m sure i’ll think of other things too but these are the big ones

[benoits-neckerchieves]

He is the absolute cutest 😭😭❤️❤️

Daniel Craig at the “Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" premiere, Los Angeles, 11/06/2001. Source: danielovemail on X

#hey rachel can i have him ok thanks #i’ll bring him back never #this is such a Him thing to do #do you think his kid made that for him? #or does he just like it? #i’m not sure which is cuter #i’ve been feeling a bit not great mentally and this has cheered me up quite a bit #but then he tends to do that #he’s like anaesthetic #creepy or poetic? #it’s midnight lucy please go to bed #daniel craig #james bond #007 #benoit blanc #knives out #glass onion

[girlyteengirl16]

no matter what i’ll always feel lonely

#i’m so fucking depressed #mentally unstable #i want to kill myself #trauma #tw depressing stuff #i don’t think i’ll ever be okay #i want to be okay #tw depressing thoughts #loneliness #how to be okay #idk i’m sad i’m sorry #idk how to make it stop #this account is a cry for help pls help me

[garoujo]

i am being so deeply serious when i say jjk 236 hurts more than my last breakup did idc these characters are MORE THAN JUST LINES TO ME

#ʚ・◞📎 — em entry. #jjk 236 #the bpd in my bones is literally MOURNING #i literally get such an intense wave of sadness whenever i think about #whenever i think about HIM #i’m literally losing my mind and my sanity #gege i am mentally i’ll please say sike

[incorrectsibunaquotes]

tumblr glitched and spared you all the most heated rant of my entire hoa fandom tenure

#idek what happened i answered the ask & hit post but it completely deleted LOL #I’m not gonna bother to reanswer anon’s ask so I’ll give you the abridged version: #i would not feel the need to post so much about season 3 of hoa if people would stop being such virulent haters #and hold this season to an entirely different standard than the other two #like it genuinely makes no sense #i cannot stress enough that you can like s3 the least #that’s your prerogative #but to be so LOUD and so WRONG #ALL THE TIME??? #makes me genuinely mental #SEASON 2 IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE SEASON #but season 3 needs love and so it’s been 11 years of me giving her love #anyway i guess i just gave you a take version of my rant #and @ anon: fuck you LOL leave me alone once and for all #i love having discussions and deep dives tho please do not think I’m @ing anyone on here you guys are chill and smart #and make good points and do great work and i love you #but if you’re a genuine s3 hater please fuck off to someone else’s blog i BEG #AND if you’re the anon who refuses to leave me in peace? i hope your pillow is warm on both sides #tess rambles

[apotelesmaa]

> looking for a tenma siblings relationship study

> ask the op if the study is actually about the tenmas or just treating saki like an accessory to tsukasa

> they don’t understand

> pull out an illustrated diagram explaining the difference

> they laugh and say “it’s a good relationship study sir”

> click the post

> it’s treating saki like an accessory to tsukasa

#project sekai #listen I love tsukasa as I love all the wxs members but i also love saki and cannot stand u people #don’t even get me started on when people fridge saki for contrived tsukasa angst. I’ll kill you. #i could also go on a rant abt how saki is so disrespected in general by pjsk fans #& as sm1 with a (less severe) chronic illness I do not appreciate how her illness is only explored in relation to how tsukasa feels abt it #but I think I would get too frustrated #gripping ur shoulders. read the doll story again. #also if ur talking abt tsukasa’s character & don’t mention saki u have automatically failed #before any of his relationships saki is the most important like it’s not subtext it’s literally just text #did we forget the dazzling event where he finally has a breakthrough in his role bc he talked to saki. #or the main story where he’s like yea saki is literally the reason I pursued acting #or the doll event where he’s despondent bc he thinks saki is mad at him & then when honami comes to his school #his first reaction is to sprint over like WHAT HAPPENED 2 SAKI IS SHE OK (sprints home) #or saki canonically being his no.1 fan. smh. u cannot separate them. and why would u want to. they’re so funny. #+ saki saying he made her hospitalizations more bearable. picking up on his mannerisms. crying during the doll festival bc they had a fight. #the dolls being her favorite things bc of how it symbolized their bond. #the complex tenma sibling mental illness web in general makes me crazy. #saki is like I love u but I wish u wouldn’t worry abt me so much and rely on me more & then tries to hide issues to make him not worry #tsukasa is like I’m always worried abt u and I don’t want to burden u because I feel like I need to always be a rock for u #ough. love them.

[st-hedge]

Im so glad to see someone else getting sucked into the trash pit that is the dmc franchise, i read the manga as a kid (i should not have had access to that) and played dmc 4 on repeat, dmc 4 is so goddamn funny bc its the edgy goth bullshit but even MORE

**sucked back into the trash pit *looks at the metaphorical camera with the stare of a traumatised soldier*

But is dmc4 more corny and edgy than dmc3. Does it really beat all these one liners and weird slow motion gun fights and cutscenes. I just wanna know who approved of all of this and send them my compliments

#ask hedge #I don’t think I dare to touch the manga #or at least I’ll leave for the next time I’m having a mental breakdown and I need to hit the emergency button

[krisget-thebanana]

Oopsies my hand slipped and I drew this

#FINALLY gave into the urges and drew them. sorry guys the mental illness won this time #tbf i’ve been deranged about this pairing for almost a year now i think i have a right to indulge myself after so long #GOD this is embarrassing to post. my sense of shame is too strong to be posting cringe art of my godawful ships even on here #if you hate me for drawing this don’t worry i’ll go die in a hole after posting this!!! #just kidding i’ll actually probably draw more even though i find it embarrassing #death note #death note fanart #mello #mihael keehl #soichiro yagami #soichiro x mello #mello x soichiro #soichello #<— some of you may want to filter those last three tags considering that i post about them semi regularly #if you don’t know how i’m pretty sure you just go settings —> account —> filtered tags and put in whatever tag you want to filter #chara’s art #first time drawing soichiro and i draw him at the most difficult angle possible. why did i do that to myself #i mean it’s not bad for my first attempt but he looks. thinner?? then i intended??? #mello’s face looks off here but i had fun drawing him #anyways happy new years. i spent the last few days of last year and the first few hours of this year drawing this #what an amazing and productive way of spending that time #new years resolution is to go outside and touch grass #i can’t stop writing in the tags. i think it’s because i’m hesitating to post this lmao #oh my god whatever just shut up and hit post

[artbykhuggs]

Race Against The Dawn

EXU Calamity was truly a heartbreaking and incredible piece of storytelling to experience. It’s been on my mind for weeks now, so please enjoy my first-ever piece of CR fanart, featuring Zerxus and Tempus.

#critical role #critical role fanart #exu calamity #exandria unlimited #zerxus ilerez #exu zerxus #exu spoilers #exu calamity spoilers #artbykhuggs #art by khuggs #myartwork #digital art #for real though it was insanely good #I really want to rewatch it but I also don’t think I’m mentally prepared to deal with the pain again so soon #have a feeling I’ll be coming back to it again and again in the future though