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lynnlovesthestars · 6 months

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Your masterlist says your requests are open so if you’re cool with it could I request a Karlach x reader where Karlach discovers the reader is ticklish and they’re embarrassed about it because they secretly like it?

omg hiii, OF COURSE I'D LOVE TO!

~♡~

Edit: damn I'm an idiot, right after i posted it i realized my brain played a trick on me and convinced me that the prompt was slightly different Tomorrow I'll try and write it again so I'll fill the request properly, sorry bit it's 3:00 am lol! For now I'll still drop the one i wrote..

Pairing: Karlach x reader.

Genre: fluff.

Warnings: just a little of insecurities

Synopsys: that laugh you hate.

AN: Post act 3, i didn't like the painful ending so i decided this is how i'll headcannon it

You swore this was heaven: laying next to Karlach as the linen sheet wrapped loosely around your bodies while you spent your time getting lost in each other.

At the end of your adventure together, you all deserved a break, and winter approaching Baldur's Gate was perfect for it.

You and Karlach had spent the first few days free from the illithid to find a tiny place to share, just the two of you as you figured out what to do.

Being the hero of Baldur's Gate had its benefits, and a spectacular discount for a house was one of them.

It was nice staying in the outer city, not too far from where Jaheira lived, so you could keep up with the antics of the harpers.

It was early, too early to get out and to start helping with the reconstruction of the city, so you did sleep in.

That's how you ended up there, Karlach hovering over you, and raking her nails along your skin.

She had been so touch starved that she'd spend days just feeling you close to her.

One morning she spent her whole time pressing sweet kisses all over your face, and caressing your cheeks, just for the sake of feeling you.

The way she giggled every time she'd realize she was truly able to feel you, was able to thaw even the coldest heart, you couldn't help but blush at it.

Her voice in the morning was unexpectedly sweet, low, just a mutter under the sheets as she held you close.

When Karlach's fingers reached your hips, and her nails started drawing incomprehensible patterns, you could feel your breath itch in your throat. Your body shivering wildly even at the smallest movement. A choked laugh escaped your lips as she looked at you surprised, yet not stopping.

"P-please stop" You tried to stop the laughter, concentrate on making your angrier face but to no avail.

"Oh what is it?" She taunted you playfully, her eyes wide and twinkling.

"Mh, is my princess ticklish?" She lowered just enough to peck at your lips without leaving your skin alone.

You wriggled under her touch, trying to escape as your expression would switch quickly between trying to be serious begging her to stop, and your uncontrollable laughter.

Don't laugh, Tav. Don't laugh. You repeat yourself trying to not embarrass yourself.

You could feel your stomach starting to hurt as the fit of laughter was almost impossible to stop, then Karlach suddenly stopped.

Her eyes softened as you laid under her, she barely held you as you regained your breath and turned your head away. From one part you wanted to be mad at her for not stopping, you HATED being tickled, from the other you shied away from the burning gaze.

If you didn't know any better, you'd think she was about to rip you apart.

Instead he eyes burned with something deeper, an affection so deep, that neither of you ever experienced before.

You both wanted to say something, but it was like the words stopped in your throats. What was lingering on your lips, those words you always feared to say, quickly became a scoff as you wanted to stir the conversation away from something you were not entirely ready for.

You kept your head away from Karlach's your arms quickly met on your chest, tightly folded.

You could feel her flopping on your side on the bed, poking your cheek just enough so you'd turn to stare at her.

She was about to ask you what was going on, if she hurt you, but you'd rather talk about the tickling problem than your feelings.

"I hate being tickled." Your brows furrowed, your face a weird mix between annoyance and the laugh that was yet to die completely. Karlach's face shifted at the speed of light. The worried look she had a moment before, made room for a bright smile.

"O c'mon, it's not that bad" She nudged lovingly, wondering whether she wanted to open her arms to you, or snuggle closer and rest her head on the nook of your shoulder.

"Mh, yes it is" You mumbled as you looked at the ceiling, it's true that you hated being tickled, but how could you be mad at such a dashing smile? You thought as you stared at the way the wood planks would be lined.

"And why would that be?" she asked, getting closer and closer by the second, until she was about to lay on you.

You wondered for a moment whether it was a good idea telling her, or if it would have made the thing just more embarrassing for you. You already wanted to hide under a rock, the idea that she heard your uncontrolled laugh, the one where you'd always end up snorting, made it even worse. Maybe taking the spot of a genie in a lamp was not so bad after all. You hated that laugh so much you could feel your stomach fighting already.

"..it's embarrassing" You admitted, your voice barely audible.

"Oh, no. I don't want to hear this excuse" Karlach sat up, shaking her head vigorously.

"It's not an excuse" You kept your arms crossed, but finally turned her way, your expression unreadable for a moment.

"Sure" She rolled her eyes. "And what is embarrassing about it?" She raised an eyebrow as she eyed you from top to bottom, or the closest thing the blankets allowed.

"The snorting" That's it, you wanted so badly to be a spellcaster, just enough so you could disappear and run away, and yet your bloodline was everything but magic inclined.

"Oh shush. Your laugh is adorable" She poked your cheek, as she already was sneaking next to you again.

An mhfp was the only sound you made as you wanted to say you didn't agree, but you already knew how it would go.

She didn't accept the idea that you didn't love something about you, and she would always do her best to prove you wrong. So for that time you skipped telling her, though it didn't matter. It was like she read your thoughts all the time, you could have sworn no one knew you like she did.

"That's it, I'm proving you are wrong" She jumped up again straddling your hips as her hands were already itching to tickle you, even saying it just as you thought she would,.

"Oh no you are not going to dare" You shook your head, trying hard to wiggle away again, failing miserably, again.

"Ah ah, you are not going anywhere" One of her hands reached for your fingers, interlacing it with hers before pulling it up just enough she'd be able to kiss your palm. And the back. And your knuckles. Just enough so you could lower your guard before letting it go and sticking again with her tickling.

This time she didn't give you time to fight the laughter, she giggled as you squealed under her touch.

Her smile was bright, like the light of Lathander. It was something that no matter how upset, sad or desperate you could be, it was always able to stir something in you, deep in your stomach, something that you couldn’t resist.

It was that smile that always coaxed you to do the dumbest things, to sleep in, to fight until the blood of your enemies covered your armors, to try and love yourself.

Cause no matter how much you'd hate you, Karlach was always there to guide you the right way. Showing you how pretty, how kind, and how cutely you laughed, always making sure that the bubbling feeling in your stomach would not die down.

Little did you know what the name of that feeling is.

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hotwaterandmilk · 5 months

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Just another one of those posts where I do a bit of a general update on a few things. This time opening with an edited scan of Maomao from Nekokurage's Kusuriya no Hitorigoto manga adaptation to get your attention. Boo!

I've been reading the Kusuriya no Hitorigoto light novels and enjoying them in the sense that I think preteen me would have liked them. I started reading the LNs earlier this year (as they're great for reading in waiting rooms and the like thanks to their short format) and I think the LNs are definitely my preferred version of the story. The anime has a nice OP theme but is fairly middling otherwise and I don't go much on the art in either mang adaptation (though Nekokurage's art has improved recently and Maomao looks less like a giant-headed baby doll in the Animate bonus cards per my scan above). Maomao is the real draw in all versions so obviously I preordered her Nendo the first moment I could — bring on May 2024!

Speaking of translated light novels you can buy right now, the first part of the Oguni no Koushaku Reijō wa Tekikoku nite Kakusei Suru light novel was just released as A Young Lady Finds Her True Calling Living with the Enemy Volume #1 by Cross Infinite World (see here). It's a solid story that doesn't overstay its welcome and Bertine's business acumen is just *chefs kiss* for those after a competent heroine.

Once the second and final part of this is out, I'd love to see Cross Infinite World pick up another short (but unrelated) PASH! Books publication, Shiitagerareta Shuusai Reijou to Ringoku no Haraguro Kenkyuusha-sama no Amayaka na Yakusou Jikkenshitsu. The web novel version was quite solid but I haven't read the printed version yet. Yeah I like science ladies, what can I say? It would be so good to keep seeing interesting titles for girls and women being picked up for English release because I tire of isekai villainess stories (which imho peaked years ago with Watashi no Oshi wa Akuyaku Reijou) and there are some great little tales out there that do things a bit differently & just need to be shown to the right audience.

I'm so excited for Metallic Rouge in early January! While it used to be that getting an original property from BONES was always exciting, it has been a while since they've created anything I've really cared about but I'm hoping this will break the drought. If a show has Izubuchi, Kawamoto, Yamada contributing then you know I've got to be there. Plus a couple of lady leads in a SF setting? Trailers with some great action and music? I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much but I'm keen to give it a shot. If it isn't for me at least I can say I've given it a chance, right?

I've been terrible at sharing the latest about this year's Silent Möbius anniversary, but I'm not a news blogger and frankly very few people care so eh y'know, whatever. BUT I figured I should say something about FAIRYTALE PARFUM releasing scents for the key members of AMP this month (though Mana has been totally forgotten, it seems). You can check out the range here, there will be a launch event on the 10th of December in Shinjuku too.

Asamiya drew new artwork for the bottles and while I'd love to get Kiddy's perfume that nods towards her bodily acceptance in its notes, importing that stuff is just too much of a pain so I've settled for a tiny acrylic stand of Kiddy instead. Sadly there's no option to buy a set of stands so I just went "whatever" and grabbed just my best girl. Anyway, if you'd like a tiny acrylic stand of an AMP girl with extra weird proportions then make sure you check out the FAIRYTALE PARFUM website.

#personal #sorry for the long post #this is just y'know a bunch of stuff that didn't warrant individual posts #so here it all is in one big slab sry

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claudemblems · 2 years

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Treating Wounds | Eren Yeager

Summary: You treat Eren’s wounds unknowingly for the last time. Eren has already put his plans into place, but he has the selfish wish of sharing one last night with you.

Notes: SURPRISE I have written an Eren imagine for you all!! I felt like it's been a while since I've written for AOT and I wanted to fix that :.) This was supposed to be super fluffy but it turned out kinda angsty instead. Still, I hope you're able to enjoy it!!! Writing something different is a nice change of pace.

"I'm fine, [Name]. These are just a few scratches and bruises."

"And bite marks. I know you have to transform sometimes during fights, but you don't have to bite all the way down to your bone!"

Eren could only laugh in response as you shook your head, wondering aloud how your boyfriend managed to be so smart yet so reckless at the same time. You would have scolded him further if you weren't so focused on patching him up. Besides, it was hard to argue with him when he was smiling down at you so fondly. Instead, you pushed your complaints to the side and continued your work.

"You know," Eren began, holding out his hand so you could apply salve to it, "this reminds me of when we first met."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'd seen you a few times during training, but we'd never had the chance to properly meet. It wasn't until I was pretty banged up from trying to master the maneuver gear that you approached me. You wore a look that's pretty similar to the one you're giving me now." You rolled your eyes and swatted his arm, Eren grinning at you as you did so. "If I remember correctly, you told me I needed to learn my limits if I was going to survive to fight actual titans."

"Well, you're terribly stubborn, Eren. If I kept letting you mess around with the gear, you'd probably have ended up with one too many concussions."

"I suppose I have you to thank, then."

"Mhm. You're welcome."

Despite your no-nonsense tone, Eren could tell you were holding back a laugh. You always tried to look the part of a serious, level-headed leader, but you were only human, after all. There were bound to be moments where your real feelings shone through.

He wondered what kind of expression you’d make when he eventually left you behind.

It sounded like a harsh thing to do, and truthfully, it would be. But it was for your sake. For the island’s. He wouldn’t drag you into the oncoming war more than he had to.

He already knew how’d you react. You’d stare down at his letter, flames of anger burning in your eyes as you read through its contents. After everything you’ve done for him, after all the hell you two had gone through, he would toss you away like you’d never mattered to him at all.

Could he really do that to you?

He loved you enough to. It was the only way to keep you safe.

“Eren?”

He was pulled from his thoughts as he looked upon your furrowed brows and pursed lips. He hadn’t even left for battle yet and he was already starting to worry you. This wouldn’t work. For this mission to succeed, he needed to throw you off his trail.

“Sorry. My dad’s memories came flooding in again.”

“Goodness, Eren. When will you drop the burden you’ve put on your own shoulders?” You sighed but continued to gently clean the wound. Eren watched on, observing how you bit the corner of your lip in concentration. He held back a smile. He’d pointed out your habit several times before, chuckling lightly as you blushed and denied every bit of it. He could never figure out what was so embarrassing, but the red blooming in your cheeks made him want to tease you over and over again.

He would miss your shy expressions when he left.

“Stop trying to do everything by yourself, Eren. You have me. You have all of us. We’re your friends, and we care about you. So, please…let us in.”

You stopped dabbing at his wound, directing your eyes into something in the distance. Eren watched how they clouded and tears pricked at their edges like rain.

“[Name]...”

Eren gasped as you fell into his arms, clutching onto his torso. “Eren, don’t make me suffer like this. Don’t lie to me. Tell me when you’re feeling sad, when you’re unsure of the future, when you’ve given up all hope. I’m here. I can’t bear to watch you close in on yourself. I love you too much.”

If he wasn’t preparing to break your heart, Eren would have allowed himself to cry. But this was a test. If he couldn’t keep a stoic face now while you sobbed into him, he would falter later on. He had to keep it together, for both of your sakes.

“Don’t cry for me…I don’t deserve your tears.”

You whipped your head up towards him, anger flaring in your eyes. “You don’t get to tell me how I ought to feel towards you! You could at least have some sympathy for your girlfriend crying her eyes out because of you! Don’t you feel anything seeing me this way? Have you grown tired of me? Have you had enough? Am I not special to you anymore—”

Eren silenced you with the warmth of his arms wrapping around your back, pushing you against his chest. Here you could feel how fast his heart was beating, a contrast to his nonchalant facade.

“Of course it hurts to watch you cry, especially for someone as undeserving of your tears as I am. Eliminating all the titans was supposed to make us all have happy lives, but it seems like suffering just seems to follow us wherever we go.”

“Eren…”

I need to push her away. I need to tell her that I don’t care that she’s crying. That I don’t care if she loves me. I need to say I don’t love…

No. I do love her. I love her so much. I can’t even pretend that I don’t.

Eren tightened his hold around you just slightly, burying his head into the crook of your neck. “You’ll have days where you want to cry. You’ll have times when you’re so upset you don’t even want to get out of bed. But I’ll always be there watching over you. So you don’t need to be afraid of the future. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you. And as long as I’m in your heart, you’ll never be alone.”

Tears streamed down your cheeks, falling and staining Eren’s shirt. He rubbed your back as you cried, squeezing you tighter when your body shook with your sobs.

She probably thinks I’m referring to my last years alive as a titan-shifter. Good. It’s better this way.

“I still believe we can find a way to undo this…curse,” you whispered, angling your head against Eren’s chest to better feel his heartbeat. “This won’t be the end of us. I’m sure of it. We’ll find a way to make it to the end.”

I wish we could…he thought, a stabbing pain pricking at his chest. He hadn’t really thought much about dying considering he’d been so focused on tuning the fine-details of his plan. But death isn’t what scared him the most. He’d once tried to imagine a life without you in it, what things would have turned out like if he’d never met you. Every scenario he’d come up with left him terrified. You’d been at his side for so long. You’d given him the affection he didn’t know he’d been craving. You were his shining light, an anchor in unruly waters. You meant everything to him. You loved him. And now he was about to find out what it would be like to be on the receiving end of your hatred.

“Oh, I should probably clean up the rest of your wound. It won’t take long. How about we go to the Mess Hall after this for some dinner?"

Eren hummed in response, giving you his hand to patch up. For the remainder of your task, he kept silent, letting the dread of what was to come enter in and dissipate. He had a mission to accomplish; he had a fate to meet. No matter how hard he tried to run, there would be no escaping what had been shown to him.

Tomorrow I’ll write my last letter for her to find, and then it’s time to face the judgment that lies before me.

#claudemblems writes #I'm actually quite happy with this one ^^#Eren Yeager #Eren Jeager #eren x reader #aot #aot x reader #aot imagines

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just-a-little-cellist · 1 year

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Hey there! I’d love to see a Samwise x Elf!reader insert. Something that is sweet and adorable, where she leaves her world behind to make a life with him in the Shire.

(yessss thank you for your request :D more fluff with Sam!!!

here's the link for the follow-up headcanons too)

I'm Going With You (Sam x female!elf!reader)

After the destruction of the ring, you had returned to your home in Rivendell, Sam in tow. You had, after all, promised to give him a thorough tour before he went back to the Shire, and he was more than happy to join you.

The two of you had become somewhat romantically involved along the journey. It was maybe not quite obvious to everyone else, but they could all certainly see the way you looked at each other. The few moments you had shared were private, and you were unsure whether Sam longed for anything more as you did. Either way, you feared that you may be parting ways with him sooner than you wished.

Sam found Rivendell to be eerily quiet now that so many of the elves had departed. It was the sense that the place itself had been abandoned, but what he feared more than anything was that you were also preparing to leave. He had seen you pack many of the remaining items you had, and had assumed that you would be joining your kin. These thoughts plagued his mind as you showed him around, but he tried to focus on memorizing every detail of you instead. The way your long hair draped over your shoulders, the way your dress elegantly hugged your figure, and the sparkle in your eyes, though that seemed dimmer than usual.

At sunset, the two of you sat beside one another and watched the horizon, hands gently clasped with one another's.

"Sam," you sighed, taking both his hands in yours, "I care so deeply for you, but I am beginning to fear that this chapter is coming to an end. With the changes it brings, I do not know where I will belong once the page has turned."

He smiled sadly. "I thought this too. I'd give anythin' for you to stay, Miss Y/n, but I know you'll want to join your kin sooner or later." He glanced down and sniffed. "And that's ok, Miss! As long as you're happy..."

You cupped his cheek, lifting his gaze to meet your eyes again. "Do you mean that? You truly wish for me to stay?"

"More than anythin', Miss Y/n. I could make a real nice life for us in the Shire, if you'd like, that is." He paused for a second. "But... but don't go thinkin' you have to give up your life for me."

A tear rolled down your cheek and you laughed softly. "Oh Sam, I'd give up everything for you in the blink of an eye." You pressed your forehead to his. "If you would have me, I'd love to make a life with you."

He grinned wider than you'd ever seen before and kissed you deeply. "I love you so much Miss..."

"I love you too Sam," you giggled, "but since we're starting a life together, I think maybe it'd be appropriate for you to just call me Y/n."

He smiled sheepishly and nodded. "Maybe you're right."

When you arrived in the Shire together a few months later, Sam realized that calling you Miss Y/n had never done you justice. Calling you his wife had a much better ring to it.

#lotr #lotr x reader #lotr x y/n #lotr x you #lord of the rings #lord of the rings x reader #lord of the rings x y/n #lord of the rings x you #samwise gamgee #sam gamgee #sam lotr #sam x reader #samwise x reader #sam gamgee x reader #sam x y/n #sam x you #samwise gamgee x reader #samwise x you #samwise x y/n

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amysubmits · 3 months

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Hi Amy! I just found your blog and really wanted to talk to you if you've got time but I got nervous so here's an anon. So I'm in my very early twenties and in the last few years have been really interested and taken by the idea of d/s dynamics. I don't have a boyfriend and am not really comfortable signing up to any sites so that's not really the issue. But as I'm going on dates and stuff I do find myself looking for that character that would resemble a dominant guy. I didn't realize it but I am attracted to that energy. What I'm concerned about though is the reason...for that attraction. So I'm in drama school but we can't really afford it so I have 2 part time jobs rn. One is this modeling agency that sometimes gets me by. It doest do much in my country but once a month a few hundred if im lucky, do come in handy. The issue is that the people I'm around and the environment is very toxic. Not just in a photoshoot but mainly. I've had to shut my mouth and smile and "submit" to guys just to remain part of the project. I don't feel comfortable doing more provocative stuff so that's been an issue and my manager keeps pressuring me about it at every opportunity. The relationship w him is weird he's a nice guy in general but sometimes he's too pushy. I also had a bf in the past (the only one) we were together briefly but he ordered me around a lot, and we never talked ab any of this but he was very strict with what I wore ect. What I'm trying to say is, I've had very traumatic experiences w all these people and am really worried whether the dynamic between us pushed me to want it? Like if my desires are somehow influenced by my trauma? Have you had similar concerns? How did you realize this is what you wanted and that it is not a response to something? I hope you're comfortable answering, but if not thank you for what you're doing your page has been really informative and I've learnt a lot xxxxx

Hi there!

I would be happy for you to message me if you decide you feel comfortable at any point, but anons are okay too! It's a big part of why I leave them on, for people who feel comfortable sending asks but not asking questions or whatever on DM. :)

This worry you're sharing about wondering if your desire to be a sub or be submissive comes from your trauma is something that I think a ton of subs have considered or worried about at some point. You'll definitely get a different answer to these questions if you ask other people. In my view, this is one of those areas where the 'right' answer can vary from person to person. So, this is just my take of course.

I am trying to avoid writing an extremely long post, so if you want or need me to elaborate feel free to follow up. But in a nutshell...I think most people have "little t trauma" from childhood that caused them to adapt to try to find connection and feel safe (physically or emotionally) and loved from a SUPER young age, to the point where it's challenging to know what it even would mean for a lot of us to say X is me, but Y is my trauma. Like 50% of the population has an insecure attachment style, and that primarily develops in the first year of our lives. So then we're still babies but we're already trying to change our own behavior to feel connected to our mother or our primary care giver. When that's the case...I think it's really, really tough to know who or what you would have been without the trauma as it's baked into your personality and coping methods SO early that we can't remember anything else. And so...I guess my goal has been to try to do a combination of accepting myself while also looking as honestly as I can at who/how I am now and look to change anything that I want to change or think needs improved. And with that in mind...I couldn't begin to tell you if I'd be a sub sexually or personality wise if I didn't have trauma. I just think that's an impossible question to try to figure out. Instead, I try to look at whether what I crave is healthy. If what I want to do is healthy for me, then it's okay if it IS based in trauma. I mean, plenty of things can be caused by trauma but still be really good things. For example, I feel pretty confident that the reason I seek healthy, safe feeling communication with my partner is because I grew up with lots of yelling and conflict and meanness. But I think that desire to have healthy, loving, safe communication is a good thing so I don't feel the need to reject that desire I have, as it's good, regardless of the cause being 'negative' or sad. I've come to the conclusion that D/s and BDSM can be healthy things for me. That isn't to say that I think I could do anything I wanted and call it D/s or BDSM and have it be healthy. But I think that a lot of what I desire sexually and within my relationship is healthy, and I embrace those things. And when I find myself craving something that is less healthy, I try to avoid embracing those ideas, or avoid acting out those fantasies, or resist those behaviors. For me, one thing I have to fight against is the instinct to be extremely passive. Passive feels safe to me because of my trauma, and I can sometimes incorrectly convince myself that I am being a good sub by being passive. That isn't always true, so I have to really keep an eye on any passivity and make sure that I am truly submitting from a place of desire and choice, and not from a place of it 'feeling good' because my brain is telling me that inactivity to appease others is safe and familiar. We try to regularly re-look at the things we do and ask ourselves again if all the details of how we're managing our D/s and BDSM are healthy for both of us. We try to ask if we're reinforcing healthy ideas or unhealthy ideas. Sometimes it changes over time and we have to adjust.

With you being new and young, I'd also suggest that you try to be extremely careful with what you learn about D/s and BDSM, and triple check that it's healthy. Some people will claim that literally anything done in the name of kink is healthy as long as it's consensual. I think that is a really wild viewpoint, personally. I think consent is really the absolute bare minimum, but a lot of people will consent to things that are harmful to them emotionally, and I think that is unhealthy. Of course, what is unhealthy is extremely opinion based, and I think it also can vary a lot from person to person...something could be unhealthy for me to consent to but perfectly healthy for you to consent to if we have different life experiences, different traumas, etc. At a really basic level I'd suggest looking really closely at whether D/s and BDSM make you feel good in terms of things like...confident, loved, empowered, authentic, loved, safe, secure, etc - or if it feels outright bad, or 'good' but only in the sense that feeling bad feels somewhat good to you (this is true for some with trauma), or if it makes you feel small, inferior, used, scared, insecure, etc. And then also if/when you get into a D/s relationship look at whether the things you try seem to be inspiring positive changes and growth, or negative patterns. Maybe at first you happily agree to let your dom decide whether or when to cut your hair, but over time you realize that you feel less 'yourself' when you can't control your own hairstyle fully. If that becomes the case, then in my opinion, it would be healthier to go back to deciding your own hair.

Sorry this is so long. I hope it's helpful in some way. Good luck to you, please continue to look out for yourself! It can be a scary world out there for young subs. It sounds like you're doing a good job of trying to look out for yourself though...even in wanting to figure out what your answer to the questions you sent in this ask are. So, good work. :)

#asks #d/s

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1ivinqdeadqir1 · 2 years

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Shades of cool: II

Part two: 'The count of monte cristo'

A/N: damn, part two already? yeah, I got a sudden burst of creativity and decided I'd write this up real quick, it's a bit iffy near the end, so please keep that in mind haha... anyway, enough of that, thanks for reading xx

Word count: 3.9k (fucking hell)

WARNINGS: Brief mention of toxic past relationship...

Two weeks.

It’d been 2 weeks since you’d last seen Lalo Salamanca. You thought he’d disappeared, the same way his cousins had, the ones that’d dropped Hector off just over a month ago. You hoped not. He was charming, and you enjoyed the moment of talk you’d shared. Maybe you were just being unprofessional, or perhaps him not showing up was a sign for you to get on with your life. He was just a man.

It was one of the hotter days, and you’d been sitting inside by the air conditioning with the older Salamanca. You were on your break and had already eaten lunch so you figured it’d be nice to spend some time with him. You wondered what Hector thought of you, he didn’t seem to dislike your company, but then again, how would you know? Smiling, you looked over your book at him, and your train of thought came to a halt “Would you like a drink, Mr Salamanca?”

The older man looked your way, his finger shook for a moment before it landed atop the bell- the ring sounding throughout the room that was currently empty. All the other seniors had taken themselves outside to enjoy the nice weather. With an answer, you placed your book down open on the cushioned chair, so you wouldn’t lose the page.

“Alright, I’ll grab us some water- bottled, of course”

You’d already made the mistake of giving Hector tap water. You didn’t think he’d notice the difference, but somehow he did- which made you laugh a little to yourself. Bottled water did taste different, and despite his condition, it was nice to know that he’d kept his personality.

Hector sat and watched the tv as you left to go and grab something to drink from the kitchen, his lips wriggling as though he was trying to open his mouth and speak. He began to think of Gustavo, maldito cabrón. How he wanted to just stick a gun between his eyes. Pathetic little chicken man. He knew what he was doing, unexpectedly cutting off his treatment, knowing all too well that it’d mess him up even more with the lack of medical intervention. The doctor had said he was getting better. Gus must’ve been scared of him, scared of the power Hector had. All this rivalry over something Eladio authorised, the murder of Max Arciniega, Gustavo’s ‘butt-brother.’ How pathetic, you’d think after all this time, El tonto would’ve gotten over it. Instead of looking for therapists, he decided he’d rather torment a poor old man like Don Hector. Too frail in his current state to fight back.

He hadn’t been paying attention to his surroundings and was taken aback by two strong hands firmly planting themselves on his shoulders like a ton of bricks. It was almost enough to make him jump. “Hola, Tio!” Lalo laughed at his uncle's shock and pulled up the seat you’d been occupying.

“ ahh, already got admirers I see? “ grinning down at his uncle, lalo thought for a moment and clasped his hands together “let's go outside, get you some fresh air!”

When you’d returned, there wasn’t any sign of Hector. The only thing left in that particular part of the room was your book and chair, which looked to have been disturbed. You hummed, brows furrowed as you walked through the back door, looking around for Salamanca. He couldn’t have gotten too far. Neil had probably pulled him outside for some air, maybe.

Within a few seconds, you’d found Hector- he was sitting with someone in the shade. As you approached, your hands grew clammy. Him, after 14 days he’d come back to visit. Without realising, you straightened out your uniform and took a few quick steps over to the pair.

“Hey- sorry for disrupting, I was wondering where you’d gotten to, Hector”

Lalo looked up at you from his seat, leaning on the armrest as he stroked his moustache and smiled. “Ah don’t worry about it!” He sat up then and placed his hands on his thighs. You blushed and nodded. Hopeful that the handsome visitor would assume the flush of your cheeks was a result of the heat.

“ I-I just, I went to get us something to drink, here” you placed both bottles down, beads of water dripping down the sides as you smiled at Hector. Who rang the bell in reply. He’d always be in a chipper mood when Lalo visited. Well, this was the second time but from what you could infer, Eduardo was certainly a favourite of Hector's. Without a doubt. He had this spark in his eyes- happiness, you assumed.

Gawking playfully, Lalo pulled out another seat “Gracias, you came just in time, please- stay for a while, we’ve already talked about the family business, ain't that right, Tio?”

The bell sounded again, you smirked and folded your arms, cocking a brow at the younger of the two. He must’ve been around 40, though you’d withhold your curiosity. Would it be weird to ask?

“Oh, no- I couldn’t” you replied, trying not to stumble on your words whilst still keeping your eyes on him. His grin was as infectious as ever, and his laugh airy in a way you’d happily listen to it all day long.

Lalo laughed, unscrewing a bottle of water with his left hand. You tried not to pay attention to how perfectly his shirt sleeves accentuated the slight flex of muscle.” I insist, only until you have to get back to work though,” he began, taking a sip of the water, sighing once having done so “Hector can be quite the charmer when he wants to be, and we wouldn’t want you getting into trouble at work…”

The impishness behind his dark almond-shaped eyes and clever words was all it took to bring a wide smile to your face. Gosh, you wished you were in something more flattering. “well, if you insist..”

The moustachioed man chuckled beneath his breath, saying something to his uncle in Spanish. Hector's eyes seemed to fill with that spark, and you felt as though you were missing out on an inside joke.

“So, y/n, right?”

You nodded, avoiding his gaze momentarily, overtaken by modesty and timidness. High School crush kind of timid.

“I hope my uncle’s keeping you busy,” he half questioned, leaning back into his chair. Legs spread as he looked directly at you, through you. “Oh he is, But I don't mind, your uncle has good taste in telenovelas, and I’m sure I entertain him plenty with my… horrible Spanish accent.”

Lalo glanced at hector, whose lips were twitching like he wanted to speak. Had he not been paralysed, the younger Salamanca was certain he’d be met with a witty remark about what you’d just said. Probably something to jab at you, though maybe not. He was in a peculiarly good mood today.

He then turned to face you, you who sat with your hands in your lap. He loved how you fidgetted around him. How your pretty little eyes looked away as if you thought staring at him would somehow upset him.

“Same old Hector then aye? He’d give you some... uh, not-so-constructive criticism if he could”

Hector rang the bell three times, and you laughed a proper laugh. You hadn’t forced it to sound sweet this time, though you wished you had in retrospect.

“ oh god, I’ll keep that in mind” you added as your laughter faded with your words.

Lalo sniggered behind the bottle of water raised to his lips, and Hector rang the bell again.

“Want a drink, Mr Salamanca?” you asked as Lalo took a swig from the bottle you’d originally brought out for yourself. Hector rang the bell again, and this time Lalo picked up a plastic cup, moving closer to his uncle so he could take a proper drink through the bent red straw.

“Vitamin juice I’m guessing?” you questioned, Niel must have given it to them at some point.

Sitting back again, Lalo nodded and took a sniff of the drink “Yeahhhh, have you tried it? It tastes... Like absolute shit”

You grimaced, having taken a sip from a cup you’d poured when you first started working here. Thinking it was just going to be regular cranberry juice or something. You were sorely mistaken.

“ Unfortunately yes, the apricot-flavoured one is even worse so... I’d stick to whatever that flavour supposed to be, Mr Salamanca…”

Hector looked your way, and then back over to Lalo, who seemed to be intrigued by something he saw in you.

After a moment of awkward silence, you cleared your throat and stood from your seat, trying to not scrape the chair across the stone path. “Well, I ought to get back to work, it was a pleasure as always, Hector.” You pressed your palm to his shoulder gently, removing it slowly once making eye contact with his nephew.

“It was nice to see you again, Lalo.”

He chuckled and stood up from where he’d been sitting, moving to your side, hands in his pockets as he looked down at you.

“The pleasures all mine, great to know that Hectors in good hands”

You felt your cheeks warm, and your hands grow cold as he taunted you playfully, that smug look ever-present. All you could manage was a nod, lips parted the slightest bit as he tilted his head and laughed at your bashfulness “Need to sit down again, Princesa?”

“No! Uhm- no, i-” God, if only he’d stop looking at you like that.

“When your shift’s over, stop by the restaurant and I’ll fix you something up, okay?” Lalo placed a hand on your shoulder similarly to how you had with Hector. Though instead, he gave yours a reassuring squeeze before sitting back down.

“Okay” you repeated, abruptly aware of how pathetic you must’ve looked stood there, practically speechless. “See you later then, Hector, Lalo”

With that you very quickly turned on your heels and left, trying to not cuss yourself out for being so childish. There were more people inside now, but you took no notice. Before heading to the front desk you made sure to pick up your book.

As you sat, you began to rationalise what’d just happened outside. Eduardo Salamanca was a player, he could probably charm a fish out of the water had he tried. That thought was disappointing- as like anyone else you’d like to think you were different, an exception to the game some men liked to play.

Don’t play with your food, they said, don’t act out, be submissive but at the same time be willing to fuck your man whenever and wherever he likes. Because a woman isn’t the one to decide whether or not she’s promiscuous, that decision comes down to the men she rejects, the man whose ego is crushed by the split-second realisation that not everyone is cock hungry and willing to get on their knees.

You thought of your ex and wondered what he’d think of you eyeing up a stranger. It was a wonder how you’d gotten out of that relationship alive. He’d probably scoff and call you a slut despite him turning his head to check out that 19-year-old in the supermarket, holding your hand as he did. When with him, you’d lost contact with some of your closest friends. Daniel didn't like the idea of you spending time away from him, he seemed to be so insecure to just assume that if given the opportunity you’d whore yourself off to anyone and everyone.

2 years later, you still can't shake the feeling that when you get home he’s going to be standing there waiting, waiting with that look on his face. Disgust. If it were possible, you’d go back to the day you met, September 7th 2000 and tell your naive 18-year-old self to turn and walk in the other direction, if only you’d taken another route to your class. Maybe if you had, you’d be in a much better place, mentally, that is. You found a great amount of comfort in your job.

—

The remainder of your shift was rather tame. You’d answer some phone calls, some from doctors and others from residents' family members. You didn’t mind filing away paperwork, having everything in order was quite satisfying. The postman came at around 5 with a few letters, and once you’d sorted through those, you began to put everything back in its right place for whoever was going to be left to handle the evening shift. Probably Matthew, the 30-year-old man that’d flirt with you at the coffee machine during breaks. He was nice enough-so it seemed- until Jennifer had informed you of his messy divorce. He always said he was a single father, but supposedly his ex had gotten custody of the kids, and he only saw them once a month. If that wasn’t a flaming red flag, you weren’t sure what was.

Once having sorted out the desk, you grabbed your bag, jacket and car keys from the staff room lockers, saying your goodbyes to the few coworkers who sat mulling over their coffee mugs.

You remembered Lalo on your drive back as your stomach whined. You considered stopping by the restaurant he worked at... Or perhaps you’d just go to Los Pollos. Why were you so nervous to see Lalo again? It's not like he was flirting, he’d just offered you some food. Likely some sort of marketing technique, that or he wanted to repay you for taking the time to sit and keep his uncle company…

Fuck it. You took a quick turn into the parking lot of El Michoacáno, the gravel crackling beneath the weight of your comically hideous car’s wheels. The lights were on, though nobody seemed to be inside. It was a quarter to 6.

After a moment of introspection, you pulled your keys from the ignition and opened your door, locking the vehicle before placing your keys in your pocket and starting toward the entrance.

It was still open, and from the new angle, you did notice a few people at different tables. Some were eating whilst others were sitting quietly- you assumed they were waiting for their orders.

The sound of upbeat Spanish music greeted you upon stepping across the threshold. You took a few short steps toward a seat by the cash register.

You decided to pick ‘Tacos al pastor ‘ with lettuce, tomatoes, cilantro and brown rice. The man working at the cash register was the same man you’d seen two weeks ago at Casa Tranquila, Ignacio. He looked about the same, though this time when you smiled and thanked him, he smiled back briefly- albeit somewhat strained.

“Just take a seat, I’ll bring your order out for you once it’s done, table 3 right?”

You nodded, combing back your hair with your fingers. At table number 3, you weren't sure what to do other than enjoy the atmosphere and play ‘snake’ on your flip phone. You began to absentmindedly hum along to the lyrics by which you had no understanding. The person in the kitchen would occasionally sing along to the melody and presuming that person was Eduardo Salamanca, you began to feel a little nervous. Fuck. Talking to men was difficult in itself, and it didn't help that Lalo was stunning.

After 10 minutes, a porcelain plate was slid in front of your propped-up elbows, and the smell of the food took you aback. Your mouth almost began to water at the sight of it, though you hadn’t taken the time to look up at who’d brought it over.

“Someone hungry, aye?” Lalo chuckled beneath his breath, pulling out the chair that faced yours.

“I- yeah, I guess you could say that” you replied, putting your phone down as Lalo sat and made himself comfortable. You stared for a moment, it wasn’t just the food that looked delicious. You could’ve drank a gallon of water, yet if someone put you in a room alone with this man you’d somehow become parched.

Lalo pulled a bottle of water from his apron, placing it down beside your phone as he then pulled a beer out of the other pocket for himself. You hadn’t even realised the man had brought a plate of food out of his own.

“Well, let me just warn you, that is going to be the best thing you’ll ever eat. If I were you I’d thank my empty stomach for giving me such a comida maravillosa”

You laughed as you carefully picked up the taco in both of your hands, the juices from the meat dripping down your fingers as you leaned forward slightly. Upon taking a bite, you let out a satisfied groan, which made Lalo laugh, he covered his mouth as he did.

Your eyes lit up, and your stomach grumbled as if to tell you to keep eating.

“Dios Mio, what’d I tell you, y/n? The best thing you’ve ever tasted right?”

After a couple of mouthfuls, you took a sip of the water and sighed to yourself, nodding at the man who sat before you- grinning like a fool.

“Lalo, this is delicious! you’re an amazing cook, remind me to ask you for the recipe before leaving” you laughed to yourself, using a napkin to wipe your digits clean. You had about half left, though decided to pause your desecration of the food for now.

“Gracias, but no can do on the recipe part- it's a family secret I’m afraid… Abuelita wouldn’t be happy if I handed it out to every pretty woman I came into contact with” There was an air of mischief behind his smile, your cheeks grew warmer and you struggled to find the right words to reply with. As skittish as ever, Lalo thought as he took another bite of his food, which in turn prompted you to do the same with the taco he’d crafted.

“Really though, it's lovely, you’re an excellent cook Lalo”

He brushed off your praise with a playful wave of his right hand, to which you grinned and took another bite, face now suddenly rosy- you’d think it were you drinking the booze not him.

“Oh stop it, you’re going to make me blush” he joked, having already finished up the food on his plate. You were right, he was an amazing chef, though his specialities lay elsewhere.

“You know, I've been wondering since earlier on, what book were you reading? It was a pretty hefty one by the looks of it, you’d probably dislocate your hands if you held it for a while”

You raised a brow and laughed through your nose, swallowing a bite of your food as he continued to then ask what was so funny…

Once having placed the remainder of your meal down on the dish, you smiled and shook your head, “nothing.. I just- I was wondering who’d made me lose my place ” you sighed, unscrewing the bottle and taking a sip to clear your throat…

“Whaaaat? No, not me” he held up his hands in defence, and you laughed again beneath your breath.

“I'm kidding, anyway, the book’s called ‘The count of monte cristo’, and it’s about a man named Dantes who’s wrongfully imprisoned by three men that were jealous of him… the guy who wrote it also wrote the three musketeers” you explained, finishing off your meal once having done so. He tilted his head and his face scrunched up as though he were thinking…

“I'm guessing he beats their asses for screwing him over once he gets out, right?”

You found it hard to hold in your laughter around Eduardo, but again you nodded “I guess you could say he does… there’s a good black and white adaptation from the 1930s, if you get the chance you should pick it up from a blockbuster or something”

Lalo sat with that thought for a moment, stroking his chin “hmmm, maybe I will if I have the chance”, he probably wouldn’t (because of how busy he was), though he loved your enthusiasm, it was refreshing. You seemed a lot more comfortable with him here compared to at your place of work. Though he figured you weren’t used to being chatted up by handsome guys during your shifts.

“Mhm”

There was then a moment of comfortable silence. You sat, hands in your lap- fidgeting similarly to how you had at Casa Tranquila. Lalo cleared his throat and laughed to himself, which made you look up from your legs and into his eyes. “Thank you for keeping Hector company, I understand that with his state it isn’t easy to uh..” he paused, rubbing the back of his neck, trying to find the right words “communicate, with him per se”

You huffed, smiling shyly behind the rim of the bottle you drank from, “it’s fine don’t worry, as I said two weeks ago, that bell’s really made things a lot simpler... “

Lalo grinned and sat up properly in his seat, “excellent! I'm glad” you looked at your phone quick to check the time, you’d been there for around 30 minutes, though it felt like longer.

“Let me give you my number, text me whenever you’re off work- alright? I think we should go out at some point,” he started with a grin, “I'm only in Albuquerque for a short while- until everything is back on its feet with the family restaurant,” you nodded, hands still in your lap as you maintained eye contact with him. He liked that. “Having a New Mexican native show me around would be great, what’d you think? Fancy being my personal tour guide?”

You saw right through his trifling, but quite liked the idea of spending more time with the older man. He was funny, and the conversation seemed to just flow naturally. You could probably sit and talk for hours about anything and everything.

“Sure, I’ll give it a shot”

With that, you handed him your phone, and he quickly typed his number, adding a smiley face after his name.

“Well, that's that” he hummed, you wondered why he hadn’t gotten his phone out, maybe it was in the back or something.

“ yeah, though I should get going now I’m afraid, I start real early tomorrow, gotta get some rest”

Lalo sometimes forgot that the average person needed more than 2 hours of sleep. Though he simply shook his head ‘yes.’ His freakishly short circadian rhythm would ask more questions than it would answer.

“Of course, we wouldn’t want you joining the oldies in their afternoon naps, would we?” he half-joked, standing to his feet as you did

You nodded and laughed quietly, the music still playing from what you assumed was a radio in the back. “We wouldn’t, thank you again for the food, Lalo, it was gorgeous”

He guffawed and set a hand on your arm, carefully giving it a squeeze. Just like he had a few hours prior. “Don’t mention it bonita,” you tried not to smile stupidly wide at the nickname he’d given you.

Maybe it was time to let yourself be happy again. You deserved to be, right?

A/N: damn, sorry that one was kinda thicc, i got a bit carried away... updates may not always be this frequent, though I'll write whenever I can <3

#tony dalton x reader #better call saul x reader #Lalo Salamanca x y/n #lalo x reader #lalo salamanca #lalo salamanca x reader

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ghostly-wisp · 1 year

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MY DEAR VALENTINE

💌: Joel Miller x Reader

🎞: Last Of Us (HBO adaptation)

👥: Joel Miller, reader, Tommy Miller and Ellie Williams

✒️: ghostly-wisp on Tumblr

word count: 1,837

warnings/note: fluff omg!! happy valentines day loves <3

Joel was not good at sharing his feelings—years on the road, survivng and fighting for himself made him this way; not that you could blame him. He'd seen so much, and love was the last thing on his mind. It hadn't even been a concept to him since Tess died.

You knew that when getting into the relationship with him, he was more devoted to Ellie—the little girl he swore to keep alive no matter the cost. His younger brother, Tommy, had even warned you so. Everyone did, but it was the small things that made it worth it.

Joel always pulled your chair out when you'd spend dinners together, hold you close in bed on nights either of you slept over, or hold your hand while you two watched Ellie play something on her guitar for entertainment. Your relationship was private, and you didn't mind. Joel wasn't good at saying I love you. Though he made sure you felt loved as much as possible.

You had spent the night alone, Joel was out working—fixing things around Jackson in attempt to get some money. You wondered if he remembered that it was Valentines day. You didn't know if it was actually, but everyone in Jackson decided it so, and you went with it to have some sense of normalcy. If Joel didn't know, it wasn't that big of a deal anyways. I mean what is there to do? it's not like you can go to some fancy restaurant, or have a picnic in a park like you could do before the apocalypse. Ellie was put with Dina and some friends, so it was really just you. Most days were, which you couldn't complain about. Sometimes even in a world like this, it's nice to have time to yourself.

You were snug in your bed, reading some book to yourself, amazed that you could find copies of The Great Gatsby, even if the book wasn't your all time favorite – at least it was something to read.

You just got to the part where Daisy and Gatsby begin their affair, blah blah blah Tom Buchanan sucks and Gastby is rich. When you heard a knock on your door, whoever it was, seemed rather impatient, because they knocked a few more times before you got to the door to open it.

"Joel!" you say suprised, he looks tired (So, like he normally did.), as much as you're happy to see him—you figured he'd be working all day, and probably go home once he finished. You just didn't expect to see him today. "What are you doing here?" Despite your question, you move to the side to allow him in. Once he's inside, you close the door.

His shoulders drop, he's less tense. Instantly more comfortable in your presence, he doesn't feel this way around many people. But you're one of the only ones that makes him feel like he's safe, almost like the apocalypse never started. "Now," he says quietly, turning to you—his arms reach out to invite you into an embrace, which you gladly accept, moving closer to him and wrapping your arms around his neck. "You don't think I'd forget about you on the most romantic day of the year?"

"I wasn't even sure if you knew it was Valentines day." you respond, "I didn't even know, until yesterday." He chuckles, his eyes are on you at all times, his arms wrapped securely around you. He leans in to press a kiss to your forehead. "No matter, I've got something planned."

"You do, do you?" He nods, "Get your coat—it's quite cold out there." You're reluctant to pull away, but you're more curious about what he has planned. "Well, I have to change if we're going out." You say, pulling away from him completely, making your way into your bedroom. He follows after you instead of standing around until you got ready, he knew sometimes you'd change your outfit plans a few times; so it very well could take a while.

"Sweetheart, The Great Gatsby? again?" He asks, holding up your copy.

"You try finding something better!" He raises his eyebrows, you're not wrong. You find something simple, it's not like you have fancy outfits nowadays anyway.

You grab your coat, slip it on and the two of you are out the door, you close your door behind you, to your surprise—Joel's holding his arm our for you to take, he'd never been one for PDA, so you took this opportunity graciously.

The two of you don't walk far at all, in fact it's just to his place. He opens the door to reveal the candle-lit home, occasional clutter heard coming from the direction of the kitchen.

The previously three-seated dining table now only had two seats across from eachother. Only laminated by the candle in the middle. There's a nice smell I'm your nose, and upon closer inspection, the clutter and the smell came from Tommy, working away in the kitchen for seemingly awhile.

Joel has this wide grin on his face as he begins to explain, "I know we can't go eat at over-priced Italian restaurants like the old days," he hums, moving to stand infront of you to catch your reaction. "So I decided to bring one here, Tommy's cooking for us, and after many many hours of begging and bargaining, Ellie will be our server."

"Adoring" doesn't even capture the feeling you feel for Joel right now—all the trouble to set up a fancy dinner for you on some day you weren't even sure was actually valentines. For all you knew, in normal days it could've been March right now.

While Joel can be closed off, less affectionate and bad at saying his feelings outright, he knew how to assure you felt special, loved, like you were the one that hung the stars. Despite how happy you felt, you could feel the tears swell in your eyes, he chuckles softly, putting his hands out. "Can I take your jacket?"

You nod, shaking it off and handing it to him, watching him drape it over the back of one of the chairs and pulling it back for you. Once you take your seat, he wants for you to push yourself in before he takes his own seat, like a true gentleman.

"Joel, you didn't have to do all this." you would've been completely content with a sleepover, holding eschother ad you slept and moved onto thr next day. The relationship was low maintenance, and it was easier that way.

"Nonsense, I ought to treat my special person right. I don't do it often enough."

It doesn't take long for Ellie, dressed in all black, to walk over from the kitchen counter over to the table with plates of whatever Tommy had cooked up. It looked delicious, and Tommy had a reputation for being a decent enough cook.

"Here you two go, I'll be back shortly with the wine." Despite the fact that Joel made it sound like she hates the idea of doing this, she had a big, giddy smile on her face. When you entered Joel's life, you were worried about Ellie. If she'd like you, and if you were stepping on her turf. Though she seemed excited to have you around, someone other than Joel to balance him around. In a way, you almost considered her your step-daughter.

Joel's the first one to take a bite, talking to you about his day at work. How he had talked his co-workers ears off about his plans for tonight, that he thinks they were excited for him to leave so that they wouldn't have to keep hearing about it for the rest of the night. When Ellie pours the wine, he's the first one to grab his glass and raise it.

"To us," he says, "Finding comfort and love in such a difficult time, I wouldn't be half as happy as I am without you. I love you."

"I love you, too. Thank you for being you, Joel."

Your glasses clink, and you each take a sip. Continuing the rest of your meal, when Tommt comes over to collect your plates, you laugh at the poorly drawn mustache he has. Like every television based chef, he's wearing all white. All he's really missing is the hat. "How did you two enjoy your meal?" He asks, faking an accent, and needless to say—he's very bad at it.

"It was lovely," you respond, handing your plate to Tommy, "Thank you, kind sir. Compliments to the chef." To which, he does a slight bow.

Joel feels like he's almost who he once was, before all of this. He missed the warm feeling of home and the sense of family. Though he gets all these feelings from you, and he could never be more grateful for it. He truly does love you with every fiber of his being, he's only sorry he's so bad at telling you. While gestures were never his thing, seeing how happy it made you made everything worth it.

He's lost so much, endured and survived the worst things a person could imagine. If it took all of that to end up with you, he considers most of it worth it. Sarah would've loved you, he thinks, the three of you could've been a happy little family in Texas. Not that he doesn't love and value Ellie, but nobody compares to his little girl. He thinks about her during these times of the year, Sarah would always bring home the cutest homemade valentines from school and would be so excited about it.

He moves to stand, shaking all the somber thoughts out of his head, offering his hand out to you. "We've got one more thing planned."

You feel as though you've already been swept off your feet, though he seems more excited about this than he did the dinner he had prepared. You lightly take his hand as he leads you to the living room area. Your cheeks hurt from how much you were smiling, though you felt like you couldn't stop.

Ellie sat to her own secluded corner, playing a song you could easily identify — Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley. Surely Joel had to have taught her that, because when you met her all those months ago, she didn't even know who Elvis was.

Joel stands in front of you, one hand on your hip and the other gently grabs your hand.

"Joel, I don't know how to slow dance." You laugh, looking at your feet as he slowly begins to guide you, "I don't either, sweetheart. Let's just have fun."

He holds you close to him, enjoying the acoustic. Ellie truly was talented, she could already be better than Joel, much to his dismay.

"I love you," he whispers. "I know I don't say it a lot, but I see you every day, and I just love you."

"I love you more." you reply, looking up to meet his gaze.

"That ain't possible," He hums, giving you a slow, yet loving kiss. "Happy valentines day, my dear."

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storiesbyjes2g · 1 year

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@utamuse replied to your post “Wasted Time”:

@storiesbyjes2g interesting. What about the mom does she step in?

Figured I'd answer this in public in case anyone else is wondering. I'll go back to your first question in more detail and then answer this one.

Since I kicked the Franklins out of the rotation (lol), we don't have the pleasure of seeing the family dynamics live. But the good part about that (for me, at least) is I get to weave my headcanon into the story whenever I get a chance, and that is what you're seeing. But this isn't the first time we've seen this behavior from Bryce. Whenever Noemi and Cy together, they have more than likely alluded to Bryce and Kenya being very soft parents. I know Noemi has said, "your parents aren't gonna do anything" a few times.

Bryce isn't a distant parent. He's just very hands-off and sees himself more as an advisor. He is trying something different from the way he grew up which was poor in a single parent household with a mother who more than likely believed in the laying on of hands. (see what I did there? lol) Unlike Kameron, Bryce knew his father but he was not involved in his life. So being absent in his own children's lives is definitely not something he is interested in perpetuating. He figures if he can provide a stable environment that allows them to flourish, keep them happy (mostly by spoiling them with material things), make sure they are highly educated, and make punishment the last resort instead of the go to, the children will grow up to be well-adjusted, well-equipped sims on their way to taking over the world...or whatever. He is there to guide when they go off course. If they aren't going off course, he does not feel the need to interfere. You can kinda see evidence in that with how he is with Rodney, his little cousin. If you recall, Bryce had taken him under his wing. He was a father figure to him his whole life since he and Francine remained close over the years. When Rodney graduated high school, Bryce invited him into his home, paid for his education, and did whatever he could to set him up nice in life. But we all know how Rodney is...was. You may also recall Bryce only really stepped in when Francine asked him too, then he would come in all hard like that was his plan all along lol. I guess you could say Bryce has "live and let live" philosophy.

Kenya does not share Bryce's logic and would prefer more structure and discipline. Bryce and Kenya agree on everything except how to raise the children, and that is the only time they fight. He fights dirty too. A while ago I had this scene in my head (this was before the girls were born) where she had spanked one of the boys and Bryce lost his mind. He threatened her, saying if she ever put her hands on them, he'll divorce her and she'll never see them again. Needless, she never did that again. She has tried to suggest various methods to keep the kids in line over the years but is always met with opposition. Eventually she stopped trying and feels like her hands are tied. She loves Bryce and the lifestyle he provides and loves her children even more. She won't risk losing them.

I hope that helps!

#utamuse #replies #glad to see quote replies back in XKit ReWritten!

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annabtg · 2 months

Note

I said I'd come here to ask you questions about The Roe Deer and The Knight, so here I am!! *ahem*

First, thank you for taking time out of your undoubtedly busy schedule as a renowned writer to do this interview with me. I am sure that all of our readers at Wizards Writing Weekly are just as curious as I am to get the insight scoop on your latest story. So, that said, I must know...

How much of the story was directly taken from the fairytale that inspired it? How did you figure out how to make this story uniquely yours?

The ending is so original and gorgeous... How did you determine how you wanted to end it? What details were you more sure about, and which parts took more effort to sort out?

So, you've already said in your response to my comment on AO3 that it wasn't intentionally referring to the lake in DH... Which still astounds me, but I know you mentioned there was more to be told about what you actually were thinking regarding the setting of a lake?

Anything else you'd like to share with your readers?

Sincerely,

James U. Water, head journalist for Wizards Writing Weekly

My dear Mr Water, it is a pleasure to be doing this interview with you!

With your permission, cut for spoilers!

1. I used a fair amount of elements from my fairy tale (the people hunting the deer, the brave huntsman with his dog, the person in the lake, the curse that turned the man's hair golden, the fact that he had pure heart but a fatal flaw) but honestly I found the story a little too all over the place for my liking! So every time I ran into something I didn't like or I couldn't easily parallel, I'd skip it and go my own way! I'd say it's about half and half?

The original story is also not a love story - the man does marry a princess in the end but the lake person is a helper, not his love interest - and I didn't like that either; it's a Jilychallenge and I wanted the focus to be on James and Lily as the main characters of the story!

2. I felt that leaving it at "happily ever after" wouldn't do the story justice - it would be too abrupt, and frankly given how Jily didn't really have a happily ever after in HP, it felt like it wouldn't fit them. At the same time, I didn't want to torture them - so I thought a quick recap of a happy life and dying together would fit them nicely, coupled with a "to this day" ending that you often find in fairy tales and legends! It wasn't particularly hard to structure - I did consider whether they should have a kid, but I thought there was no grace in having them have a cursed child. And I tried a few things about whether James would die in the forest as a deer and she'd curl next to him, whether she'd have to carry him to a resting place etc. - until I settled on their underwater bed. It might be a bit of underwhelming description, I feel. I considered making the ending a little longer and splitting it in two paragraphs, but the second paragraph would start with "Great green lightning" and that looked a bit weird to me - plus the way it is now it's exactly 4 pages long and it would have bugged me so much to ruin it. XD

3. In the original story, the dog follows the deer's scent until they reach a lake, then a human arm reaches out and pulls the dog underwater, and then the man gets more men and they empty the lake with buckets and find Iron John in it, whom they then bind and take back to the castle. I decided that I didn't like this, because I wanted Lily to be more in control, so instead I had James dive into the lake, and find Lily there like some sort of queen. Also I thought the blurriness of seeing through water and James canonically needing glasses worked nicely together, so I leaned into it for the underwater atmosphere! And the crystal palace is inspired from a detail in the story about guarding a golden spring that was bright and clear as crystal.

4. I want to say that I loved reading fairy tales as a kid and I loved the opportunity to write one! I considered making it into a longer story, adding some more dialogue, more descriptions, but in the end I went with a shorter format because I was afraid it would get too tiring with that style of writing. I hope it was a good choice on my part and that y'all enjoyed reading!!

#lovely asks #fic asks #answered ask #the roe deer and the knight

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anfie-in-the-box · 2 years

Text

Each other's lifeline

Notes

Are you excited? I sure am! I love this series quite a lot, after all.

Do be careful, there're some self-esteem issues and self-deprecation here. One word: Nightmare. Doesn't need any explaining.

。。。

First steps

Nightmare vaguely remembers coming around a few more times, just for a few seconds at a time. He couldn't hear or see anything, and the darkness — or lack of any stimuli at all — didn't help him stay conscious, he supposes. That, and the kind person said something about him needing his sleep, saving strength?..

"Me? Kind? You're so messed up, kiddo, you've no idea…" they respond immediately, almost as if they waited for him to think something. Anything.

"I was," the voice confirms. "Not much to do without your consent. It's your body I possess after all. The negativity wants some action though, so not sure I'd be able to resist much longer. You're the warrior, not me."

The warrior?.. What are they talking about? It's just him. Weak, stupid, worthless him. He couldn't even do one job right. Now all's lost 'cause of him.

"Hey, none of that! From what I gathered from your memories, you're pretty amazing! You went through hell you didn't deserve yet never once stopped to even wish your tormentors harm. And you love your brother more than anything. It's admirable how loyal you are. You're definitely a much better person than I ever was. You are intelligent, too. It's not your fault that no one taught you to stay away from the golden apples. The previous guardian could've warned you two, at least. She's the adult, you two are mere kids who didn't know better. We don't even know if it's a lost cause yet; Dream got that last golden apple, after all. And the Multiverse hasn't collapsed yet, so that's good, am I right? Maybe the balance is upset, but we don't even know that for sure. It'll be okay, I'm sure we'll figure something out. You always do. You're smart like that."

Nightmare thinks he would've blushed if he could. Maybe cried, just a little; it's the kindest words he's ever heard not from his brother, after all. He has all the reasons to do just that.

You really think we could do it?..

"If not us then who?" they ask in return. "But first we should do something about the rampaging negativity. It's getting restless. You think I could go to a universe or two spread some fear and chaos?"

They really could just go and do whatever they want, now that Nightmare has no means to access his own body — or what's left of it, anyway. Instead they decide to stay and ask permission. To communicate. It's… exhilarating, somewhat. Nightmare's never been given the choice before. Even if it's not much of a choice this time — either he goes with the voice's plan or the negativity takes hold of the both of them, which is… less than desirable. Its mindless cruelty would destroy the last remnants of hope they have. No, they can't afford to lose control even for a moment. It's a team effort.

"Damn right it is! I won't let you down, kid. Promise."

It's so weird to share every thought with someone he barely knows… How does it even work? Nightmare can't hear their thoughts, after all.

"No idea. Magic, I guess, and maybe something to do with me being the one in control. Maybe, if you were the one controlling the body, I would be the one with all my thoughts out in the open? Although I do hear you quite distantly, if you don't concentrate on getting the message to me. It's mostly background noise."

Good to know. It means if Nightmare ever gains control back, he likely wouldn't be too distracted by the voice. As great as their company is.

"Aw, I like you too, kid! And I'm rooting for you there. As nice as it is to have the ability to walk and talk back, it's your body, and you're very much alive to have it. To be honest, some part of me hoped you wouldn't make it after all; then I'd have a body of my own…" Anxiety and pain pierce through Nightmare's mind; do they really want him gone? "Stop that! Don't get me wrong, I just… it's hard being a tree after being a human, you know? And I'm really not all that kind. Or nice. Or… good in general. I'm a selfish piece of crap, you see?"

It feels like they want to continue that string of thought, but Nightmare doesn't let them. You helped me, he thinks in the smallest of voices. Possibly saved my life. So no. I don't see.

They laugh; it's a light-hearted, warm kind. "You are obviously a sweetheart. How those jerks didn't see it is beyond me. They got what they deserved though. Now's your turn."

What do you mean?

"Freedom, of course! Not complete, you're stuck with the negativity for now, but… Even that's not so bad. We're strong now, you know? Can do whatever we want, as long as the negativity is satisfied. And we're about to find out what we need for that. So, am I to go cause some havoc? You in for a ride, kid?"

There's no going back, Nightmare thinks, as confidently as he can, might as well go forward. Let's do it.

"Great! I don't have a certain plan yet, but I can feel the negativity from the worlds around ours so that's something. Probably might help with moving around?.. No idea yet. What do you think?"

Hm. Let me think.

The negativity of the other worlds, they say?.. Perhaps they could indeed use it. As a road, maybe? Or a beacon of sorts. Something that shows the way. It's amazing that they might be able to travel the worlds, especially considering Nightmare's never been far from the Tree, ever. The mere idea is fascinating, even though he wouldn't be able to see or hear anything. One day he would, and that's what he chooses to focus on. The future isn't all dark. There's something to look forward to.

I think you could try pulling the negativity. Not too hard, just enough for it to show itself for you to follow its path, Nightmare finally concludes. If that doesn't work, they'll just try something else. If only things always were this easy as they are with this person…

"Worth trying at least. Let me just… oh."

What? Nightmare asks, nervously.

"It's weird. Like I know where to go. How to go. But I haven't the slightest idea! It's like my own mind moves ahead of itself. Is it what they call intuition?"

Nightmare doesn't know how to answer that. Besides, he doesn't feel anything at all, and the description isn't the best. Would be hard to theorise.

"It's okay though. You don't have to have all the answers, you know? I'll just do what feels right, I guess. Then we'll see what happens next."

If anything changes, Nightmare isn't able to feel it. He's completely detached from reality, it seems. It's scary, this void where basic sensations would have been normally. Is he even alive? How can they be sure he is?..

"Don't work yourself up, kid. We don't want a panic attack, do we?"

They're right. Nightmare shouldn't give up. I think therefore I am, was it? That means he's alive, and he's not alone, and together, they'll figure this out.

What happened? He asks, uncertain but determined.

"Well, we did it. Your advice worked. We're in a different world. Congrats to us, I guess."

They don't sound too enthusiastic though.

"That's because I'm not. Cautious, more like. It is a new world, after all. Who knows what dangers await."

That's fair, Nightmare guesses. He focuses, How exactly do you think it worked? Can you do it again?

"I'm really not sure, kid. But I'll try later. Let's investigate!"

They don't have a plan, but at least they don't rush into it head-first. Good enough, as far as Nightmare's concerned.

Can you see anything? Anyone?

"You know what? Not… really. It's dusty here. And eerily silent. Monster dust?"

The thought makes Nightmare sick. Yeah, this person possessing his body just killed everyone in the village, there's bound to be human blood and monster dust, but… they escaped their wrecked world. Why should anywhere else be the same? Is it wrong of him to wish for something less… destructive?.. violent?.. He doesn't know what word to use here. It's not like it matters. There's only one person he can share it with, and they hear his thoughts mostly unfiltered.

"Oh hey, I see someone!" they call out after a while; Nightmare isn't even sure if they were moving around or stayed in the same place. "They don't look too friendly though."

Are they the source of the negativity that led us here, then? Nightmare asks, just to be certain.

"Sure thing, kid! There's no one else anyway, it seems."

That's… good, Nightmare thinks. If they're already distressed enough, nobody needs to intervene. Nobody needs to get hurt.

"Should I approach them?" the voice asks, somewhat gently. Genuinely caring about Nightmare's opinion.

Do they look safe? I don't want a fight when you have no idea what you're capable of. We should experiment before trying anything, don't you think?

"You know what, you're right. Approaching now is just asking for trouble. I'll stay low. Thanks for keeping me in line, kid. This whole situation is a mess."

I'm a mess though, Nightmare chuckles unhappily. Way messier than all of this. If it weren't for me, we wouldn't even be here.

"Well, yes, but also, for me, it's nice to have a body again. And I didn't have to kill a kid for that. We co-exist. So there's that. It's good, isn't it?"

And it is. It really, really is. Nightmare doesn't want to die, no matter how bad everything seems. He's depressed but not suicidal. He has Dream, and the kind voice believes in him, and there's a Tree to fix.

But for now, while the voice feeds off of this world's negativity, Nightmare allows himself to drift away to sleep. If he hopes to ever gain access to his body, he needs all the energy he can get.

"Rest, kiddo. I'll be there when you wake up. We'll find a safe place and run all the experiments you can think of. Get to know our limits and all that stuff."

It's a promise.

They'll figure it out. One way or another. But certainly together.

It's… nice to finally not be alone. Pride shines through uncertainty and doubts — he's already helped, and so fast, too! So there's that, as the voice said.

There's that.

。。。

Notes

Nightmare and the voice interacting in this fic is the best thing to happen to me, I swear to gods. I love Nightmare and the voice's interaction in general, be it positive or negative, but here? Such a treat. Perfection. I love those two with all my heart. They deserve the world.

。。。

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#anfie writes #each other's lifeline #nightmare!sans #passive!nightmare #the man's voice

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occult-roommates · 6 months

Text

A new beginning to an old story

Around five days after their walk in the park, Athena felt ready to invite Akva to her new apartment. The reason it took so long is mostly because she needed to clean it first, and also for Akva to have some free time in between her retail job and flying lessons, but now it was time.

Athena: Tadah! Akva: Oh wow, congratulation on getting your own place. It's actually pretty decent. Athena: Why are you surprised by that? Akva: Cause like, have you seen my apartment? I live with six grown adults and one baby, but we only have two bedrooms but Charlie refuses to share hers except with the baby. We barely have enough space, privacy is like a foreign concept to me now after living like this for more than three years. Athena: I mean, I'm just saying, I only have one bedroom, but I think it's spacious enough I could get at least one roommates. Akva: Also, I was about to ask how you can afford it, but I mean, it's the spice district, most people in the area don't make that much money in the first place. Athena: That's because Paisley pays me good. Like I said, I could have a roommate to make it easier but I don't absolutely need one. Especially since in college I had one that must be from Hell. Like imagine a dude who refuses to shower more than once a week in spite of being a gym rat, would leave his dirty dishes everywhere to the point we had bugs infestation multiple times, and would punch holes into walls on a regular basis. Even had to bail him out of jail after a DUI with the money I needed to pay for a new computer. Oh and also he'd let his used condoms around the apartment as a way to assert dominance over my "beta" ass. Akva: Cause this guy was getting laid???!!!

Anyway, Athena kept showing Akva around the place. It wasn't that decorated to her personality yet, 50% because she couldn't afford it yet, 50% because the landlord wouldn't let her repaint that sickly green or move the furnitures around that much.

Then, the two women sat down on the couch to continue their little chat.

Athena: Fun fact, you can see by the window the exact place where that plane landed in the Myshun river a few years ago. Akva: Oh wow, that's cool. I remember recently, Ralf and I went to an aviation museum that's in southern New York in hope of seeing part of that plane, but turns out it's in North Carolina. We still had fun though, after the museum we went to eat at the shadiest roadside dinner known to man. Athena: Who are you talking about? Akva: Ralf is my new father figure, you should meet him, he is really nice.

Akva then leaned in for a hug. It felt good to finally have a close friend back in town. It felt even more special now that she knew Athena was actually happy and not just pretending. Though, it did messed her up that she literally had no idea what she was going through. Then again, in her defense, she was living on the other side of the country, even if Athena was visibly unhappy, she couldn't have known. Yeah, they did saw each other from time to time, like when they briefly dated which caused Akva to get pregnant, but still, she could have very well hid how she felt.

Akva: And you know, it would feel even more special if instead of introducing you to him as my friend...

Akva tapped her laps and told Athena to sit here, so she did. Now that they were in a more intimade position, step 2.

Akva: I'd introduce you as my girlfriend.

Athena looked at her all red and then, they made out on the couch, as the cameraman panned away as to not creep on them. Maybe their first attempt at dating did not ended up super well, and let's be real, ruined Akva's life for a year, but this time is the right time. Round 2 will be different, round 2 will have a happy ending.

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#the sims 4 #sims 4 #simblr #ts4 #ts4 simblr #ts4 storytelling #occult roommates #akva singh #athena ramdeen #OcRo s3 #long post

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popchoc · 1 year

Note

Congrats on 3000 and hurrah for more prompts. I'd like to read your take on 5 (do you love her) for Gini, please </3 (ps read your note, I will say hi via dm, hope that's ok too)

Gigi Ghorbani & Dani Nuñez, The L Word: Generation Q

5: Do You Love Her

****************************************************

Six nights have passed. Six terrible nights, filled with pain, tears, doubt and regret - not just for Dani, and not just for Gigi, but for the both of them.

Yet for the first time in months that's something they don't know about each other.

Ironically enough they find themselves on the same park bench where they had lunch over a year ago, a few hours before the best chapter of their lives started - or at least that's what Dani believed until only a week ago. Right now she doesn't know what to believe anymore.

Just like then, they're sitting a full arm’s length away from each other. Out of reach, in so many ways.

"Thanks for coming," Gigi speaks up quietly, "I wasn't sure if you would."

Dani gives her a sullen look. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because last time you threw a bunch of oranges at me," Gigi shrugs.

Sighing in frustration, Dani shakes her head. "Wrong answer."

"Wh—" Gigi blinks in uncertainty, then exhales deeply and lowers her gaze. "Because I hurt you," she corrects herself. "I let Nat kiss me - that should never have happened. And I... I don't know. I acted all weird. Giving you these mixed signals. But..."

"But what?"

Dani's voice is sharp like a raiser. Nevertheless Gigi forces herself to meet her eyes.

"But you hurt me, too."

"Good," Dani thinks, but she doesn't let her anger win this time. "How?" she asks instead.

When Gigi draws a shaky breath, a wince of pain flashes over her face; a pain that's not just caused by broken ribs.

"By dismissing me," she answers. "By punishing me for the confusion I tried to share with you. For the fact that I wanted to figure things out. Not just for me, but for us."

"Us... and Nat?" Trying to keep calm, Dani shifts in her seat.

Gigi nods. "In a way, yeah. I'm sorry, but she became part of this mess."

Dani bites her lips, restlessly and harder than she probably should. She needs to ask, needs to know, but what if...?

Shaking off her fear, she looks Gigi straight in the eyes. Here goes nothing.

"Do you love her?"

"Yes."

Gigi's quick and honest answer hits Dani like a punch in the stomach, making her gasp for air.

"I- I would lie if I said I didn't. I will probably always love her. But not in the way I love you," Gigi goes on. "That part I'm sure of."

"What does that even mean?!" Dani blurts out, fighting the urge to walk away again. "That I'm a nice fling, but she's the actual love of your life?!"

"No!" Gigi exclaims.

Instinctively, and ignoring a new wave of pain, she scooches closer - yet that only makes Dani flinch away from her. After another deep breath she tries again, a little calmer this time.

"No, it means the opposite. Nat is the mother of my children. She's family, and I love her as such. But you... Dani, you're it. I'm so, so in love with you. Deeply, still and - I'm sorry, but - probably forever."

Dani stares at her, then narrows her eyes. "You sound pretty sure. I thought you were all confused?"

"Yeah, well, let's say I got hit... again! By you, leaving me. Turned out I prefer heavy car crashes over being without you."

"Gigi..."

"Look, I know I was an idiot. And I wasn't fair to you. But I see it now. I see that once it comes to it, my kids are my number one. I'm not apologizing for that. I would never choose anyone over them - not even you. They are the ones who come first - and thus who first come to mind. And with that, Nat is just... in the same frame. That doesn't mean she shares the same meaning though. She doesn't," Gigi emphasizes. "Not ever again."

Her stream of words is followed by a long, heavy silence, awaiting Dani's response.

Dani, taking her time, sits back and blows out her cheeks, closing her eyes for a second. When she finally faces Gigi again, she looks tired, but also slightly less agitated.

"I'm not apologizing either," she sighs. "For the oranges, that is. But I am sorry for leaving you behind like that."

Exhaling in relief, Gigi shows her a small, cautious smile. "For dumping my ass, you mean?"

"Well... yeah."

The light shrug of her shoulder is followed by the faintest hint of a grin. Gigi catches it though, gaining enough courage from it to shift closer again. And this time Dani doesn't move away.

Gigi turns towards her. "You think there’s a way you could... undump me?"

Looking pensive, Dani tilts her head at her.

"I think after this week we both have some recovering to do," and then, chuckling and with the first real smile in six days, "How’bout we start with a fresh squeezed orange juice?"

****************************************************

celebration prompts (closed)

#writing prompts #fanfiction #dani nunez #gigi ghorbani #dani x gigi #the l word: generation q #if they think they can ruin them in 2 minutes than i'm allowed to fix them just as easy #ha!#(and hi via dm is def ok - but by now you knew that already lol)

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noxiatoxia · 1 year

Note

Please talk to me about trans girl Hikaru

!! SO one of my fave AUs/headcanons is Hikaru being a trans woman. So thanks for asking!!!

Actually, this is a great excuse to show off parts of a wip I will never finish, in which it's Hikaru figuring out she's trans. (Leaving unfinished due to just not feeling up to the task of writing it - but I will share the best parts!)

So. motions to the read more.

(cw internalized transphobia, other types of non-graphic transphobia)

So, in my head... it starts like this:

"Okay, fine, I'll change, but you two have to get out!"

Just like that, Kaoru and Hikaru were forcefully kicked out, metaphorically and literally, of the changing room by their newest recruit. Privacy, of course, is a matter that many people would prefer to have while undressing, but men, at least in the twins' limited experience, are not so pushy about this. It's what made them, while skidding to a halt, glance wearily at each other, confused.

And, like a lightbulb, the answer lit up in their heads simultaneously.

Haruhi was a girl.

...

Haruhi was a girl.

And that pissed Hikaru off.

No, he had no issue that this new recruit lied about their gender (even though, to be fair, they never stopped to ask in the first place.) He wasn't even mad that a girl was now a host in their club. He was just mad because…because…

He wasn't really sure.

It was just infuriating to see; Haruhi masquerading as a boy when she wasn't one. It wasn't the concept in and of itself that bothered Hikaru. If Haruhi wanted to be a boy, if Haruhi simply liked it better, then he couldn't care less. It was the fact that it was the opposite. Haruhi didn't care. Haruhi was a girl, yet she was pretending to be a boy, and somehow, this didn't bother her, despite not being a boy. She's pretending to be something she's not, something she doesn't actively want to be, and yet it doesn't make her uncomfortable or angry. Day in and day out, she's being a boy, when she could so easily choose to be a girl, but she doesn't. Not even because she doesn't want to be a girl; not because she wants to be a boy. She just doesn't care.

It pisses Hikaru off. If he were Haruhi, he'd care.

"If I were born as a girl," he rants, "then I'd be pretty pissed off having to pretend to be a boy."

Rightfully, Haruhi looked at him with utter bewilderment.

"Well, you don't have to worry about it, then." she shrugs. "You're not the one pretending."

He only grunts back, because he knows she's right. Logically, she is.

Even if by all accounts, it feels like something's wrong.

I think this leads to a few things. For one, once episode 9 roles around and they all dress up as women to keep Haruhi in the host club...Hikaru finds he likes it. He likes the feeling of the situation, even if it was sort of half-serious. He liked being treated and perceived as a woman.

It's then that he makes the assumption that it must mean he just likes wearing girl clothes. He confides this to Kaoru, who encourages him to wear whatever he wants. So he does. He - and Kaoru - wear dresses, skirts, start going out like that, but...

Hikaru threw open the door to the men's bathroom, bee-lining past the stalls and instead focusing his attention on the large mirror set up in front of a row of sinks. When he made eye contact with his own reflection, any prior action ceased, causing him to falter.

He was staring at himself. No duh, who else would he be looking at? Perhaps he and Kaoru were identical, but he could never mistake his own reflection for his brother. And moreover, when he cast his mind back to how Kaoru was dressed today, his opinion remained the same as it had hours prior: he looked good. He looked nice in feminine clothing, but he still looked like Kaoru. He still was Kaoru. Hikaru thought he looked nice.

But then he sees himself: it's all the same, by all accounts. He looked good. Damn good. But he still looked like Hikaru. He still was Hikaru. Just Hikaru in some girlier clothing - clothing he liked wearing, and clothing he looked good in.

So why, then, did everything feel worse?

Hikaru couldn't understand. This was supposed to solve the issue, not deepen it. He was peeved that he wasn't allowed to wear dresses more often - or, he guessed he thought he wasn't "allowed" to - so he decided to go out and actually wear some. Because he wanted to. And he had felt good - really good - when dressed up for their little plan to convince Haruhi to stay with them. So why on earth now did he feel so…empty?

When he looks at himself in the mirror, he sees Hikaru. And Hikaru looks hot as hell right now.

But it just...he just...it just...

It didn't feel good. Nothing about this felt good. He didn't feel like Hikaru.

And the thing is, dressing the way he did, it probably nets him one or two people calling him a girl, then quickly "realizing" he's not one a moment later and correcting themselves, which pisses Hikaru off. And it's strange, because he's not a girl, right? So why does the correction make him so angry? Why does it bother him so much? So after talking to Kaoru about it, Kaoru suggests he tries to really think on why it bothers him, because Kaoru himself isn't quite sure.

He tried, he really did; to think on it, that is. Hikaru's never been good with looking inward, but when something was bugging him enough, he could be motivated to do anything - including some introspection.

But, alas, nothing. In fact, he's only found himself more frustrated; now more than ever was he hyper-aware of every pronoun being used for him: "Oh, look at Hikaru, he's so handsome," some random girl fawned; "He's the eldest son of the Hitachiin family," a student whispered to the new kid; "Be a good boy today and don't get in trouble," his mom warned him before another cross-country flight.

And it made him itch with anger. He wanted to explode with the rancor building up inside of him, tell all these people, strangers and friends and family alike, to keep his name out of their mouths; tell them to stop talking about him.

It's not so much he hates being gossiped about. He couldn't care less. But when he was in ear-shot, it made his gut uneasy and instinctively uncomfortable. And once they got specific in mentioning what he was, that uneasiness became rage.

He wasn't so sure why, all of a sudden, simple facets of life bothered him like this. They never had before, had they? Or, had he just pretended they didn't? He wasn't sure. In fact, ever since he met Haruhi, he's felt less and less sure of himself, and now he doesn't even feel comfortable in his own skin. Sure, it wasn't her fault, but what else could he blame this on?

Thus, he finishes his record-time speedrun rant off with, "So it's your fault."

Haruhi stares at him owlishly.

"I…barely got any of that. You're mad someone called you a girl? And that's my fault?"

"No!" Hikaru groans loudly. "You, I just, I don't get you!"

"And I don't get you," Haruhi not-so mutters.

"I meant it! Who pretends to be the opposite gender for fun?"

"For fun? Funny. I don't remember that part along with the 8 million yen debt I owe."

Hikaru ignores the comment. "I just don't get it! You let people call you a boy and you just…don't care! It doesn't bother you?"

Haruhi shrugs and looks back down at her desk. "Not really."

"Then, how about being called a girl? Does that bother you?"

"No."

"But, why? Doesn't it make you mad?"

Haruhi sighed, annoyed, before looking back up at the other. "It doesn't make me mad. I don't care one way or the other. Why do you care, again?"

"Because," Hikaru stammered, "it…would bother me."

"...I don't see how that's your issue," Haruhi offered genuinely.

"It is, though! Everything's been so complicated recently, and all I know is it started because of you."

"Because of me?"

"Yeah." Hikaru gestures sporadically with his hands. "Because of your wacky no-gender."

"No-gender? I wouldn't really call it that." Haruhi pursed her lips. "I just don't mind being a boy, but I also don't mind being a girl. I wouldn't say I really like being seen as one over the other. I just don't care."

"But how could you not care?"

Haruhi shook her head. "We're going in circles. If you want my opinion, it seems like you're the one who needs to worry about what gender people see them as."

Hikaru snarled, slamming his hands onto her desk. "Hey! What are you trying to say to me, huh?"

"It wasn't an insult." She waved a hand calmly. "I'm being serious. I know you, and you tend to project your own problems onto others."

Logically, such a loaded statement was sure to set Hikaru off into an uncontrollable frenzy. However, nothing of the sort happened. Instead of the anger rising, it rapidly drained out of his body, numbing his fingers against the cool wood with some sort of icy dread.

"I do?" he asked in a small voice.

"You do. So maybe the reason you're so bothered by me has to do with yourself."

He shifted his gaze away from his fingers to Haruhi in a mild panic. "Wait, to be clear, I'm not bothered by you, it's just…"

"I know," Haruhi cut him off with a sigh, but at least didn't seem offended. "Who would you be if you didn't say impulsive, poorly-worded things?"

Hikaru manages to take the words in stride, comforted by Haruhi's accompanied sly smirk.

The answer? Not Hikaru, he guesses.

But he already doesn't feel like Hikaru.

Although, obviously, such vague advice doesn't help much. He's already tried introspection and got nowhere. I think the boiling point would reach when Kaoru himself refers to Hikaru as his brother, casually or whatever, and Hikaru snaps at him. Kaoru is shocked as is Hikaru, because he doesn't know what made him lash out like that. Feeling unsure, Hikaru tells Kaoru he needs to be alone, steeling himself away in the mansion's studio.

As if it would somehow reveal the answer to this obtuse and complex puzzle, Hikaru began scouring through the catalog of designer clothes they had inside their studio. All neatly hung and organized, he picked and chose until he came up with an outfit: sleek, punkish black jeans, a similar jet-black vest to pair with it and a blue shirt with black-and-blue striped sleeves to go under. Maybe a bit much black, but hey, black went well with everything and was easy to coordinate with.

He wasn't sure why his go-to action in his moment of crisis was to play dress-up, but clothes and design had always been a comfort for him, and like it or not, it did play a part in his frustration.

For example: as he stood in front of the full-length mirror mounted on the wall, he couldn't help but frown. It looked good, if not basic, but it didn't feel right, and he wasn't sure why not. Maybe it just wasn't his usual style? Then again, just because he was wearing something slightly unusual didn't mean he should feel so out of touch with his own body, right?

Wearily, he tried switching the black pants out with a black skirt instead. He wasn't too sure why it would fix the issue - whatever the issue was - but he did it anyway, because he might as well. What was there to lose?

Not much, apparently, but he still felt incomplete. He liked how the skirt felt and looked, maybe more than the pants, but it didn't change anything to how he felt about himself. Girly clothes or not, he was still Hikaru, right? So of course it didn't change how he felt.

Well, that's what Kaoru told him, at least. And, despite his own perception of the world, it was true: clothes didn't inherently have a gender, even if some seemed more ‘feminine' or ‘masculine'. It's why, no matter what she wore, Haruhi would be Haruhi, and no matter what Hikaru wore, he would be Hikaru. And Hikaru was a boy. A boy in a dress sometimes, but he was still a boy. And shouldn't that thought comfort him? He could wear whatever he wanted; he was so worried about not being able to wear skirts or dresses because they're for women - or at least usually - right? So he should be happy to know he can do whatever he wants and still be Hikaru.

And maybe that's what the problem was.

He doesn't want to be Hikaru.

But, why not? Hikaru sits down on the chair in front of the mirror and holds his head in his hands, groaning. Why doesn't he want to be himself? He's never hated his life before. To be fair, he doesn't. He likes his life. He likes who he is. But he also doesn't. He likes how he looks, he likes how he acts, he likes what he does. He just doesn't like what other people think of him.

He likes being Hikaru. He just doesn't like being what others thought Hikaru was.

And who is that, exactly, that people think he is?

He wished he didn't care so much, but he does. He wishes he was more like Haruhi, who didn't care.

Well, that's not entirely true. Haruhi cares a lot about many things. She just doesn't care about what gender others see her as.

So why did his mind go there first?

I think that's the tipping of the dominoes. His mind connects Haruhi's specific attitude towards gender to his own experience with gender, realizes he, in fact, greatly despises being called a "he" or a "man". It has nothing to do with personality, or what clothes he wore, but everything to do with who he - she - was as a person.

And that final moment of realization is so vindicating. To be able to look in a mirror and know who you are, regardless of clothes or standards.

She's so excited and relieved that her first instinct is to tell Kaoru right away, which...is met with confusion.

Kaoru doesn't really understand. He asks if Hikaru means as in crossdressing, and Hikaru says no. He asks if Hikaru means as in like Haruhi's dad, and Hikaru says she's not sure, since she wouldn't want to be called a dad herself in the event she had kids.

Kaoru isn't doubtful of Hikaru's revelation by any means, but he's...not perfect at accepting it. He's just confused at how Hikaru knows for sure she's a woman, and he's intimidated by the idea this will severe their identical-ness pretty severely. Out of confusion and fear, he asks Hikaru to think it over more before really making a decision since "it's a big deal" - and it is! But Hikaru feels pretty hurt considering Kaoru shut her down so quickly, even if it wasn't meant to be malicious. She gets the feeling Kaoru suggests it less out of an actual suggestion and more of a way to say he's not sure how he himself feels about the situation.

It is a pretty huge change, especially given being identical their whole lives, Hikaru knows. She knows it's also sudden, but she wishes Kaoru would just say that instead of spinning it as if Hikaru herself is the one who is completely at fault, as if the change wouldn't naturally be tough for both of them.

Still, Hikaru agrees, if not a bit tensely. After all, whatever Kaoru's feeling on the situation, it was a big deal, and maybe she does need to think it over a bit more before making a leap like that...

So Hikaru resumes being a boy. He tells himself, maybe it's better this way. After all, he wasn't born a girl. He doesn't look like one. He doesn't even want to change his appearance or voice, he likes the way he sounds and looks. It'd be impossible to convince anyone he's a girl like that. And it'd be a hassle, too.

And he does try really, really hard to be happy with himself. But...

As he looked around, walking the hallways, he wondered how many other people felt the way he did. Were there any other students - any other people out there - who felt this way? Who felt so disillusioned with their gender? Did those people without such feelings know how lucky they were that they didn't feel so depressed and uncomfortable with their natural identities? Because Hikaru was quickly finding how unbearable it was to constantly hear people call him a ‘he', a ‘brother', a ‘son', a ‘man'. Kaoru says he's going about this too quickly, but Hikaru thinks he's not being quick enough. How much longer does he need to put up with this before he's suffered long enough to validate being able to finally call himself a girl? Let alone convincing anybody else.

He knows he should give this up; it's more trouble than it's worth. But he knows now it'll never leave him.

Why can't he just be happy the way he is, god damn it?

It's clear he's depressed as hell. He tries very hard to feign normalcy but it gets hardest throughout the week. And then when one of the guests in their club coos at their act and says how good of a brother Hikaru is...Hikaru tries not to let it bother him. And it's shocking and sudden, but Hikaru isn't the one who says anything. Matter of fact, he hadn't even planned to.

His little brother insists, "Please don't call Hikaru that."

The suddenness of which shocks both the guests and Hikaru.

Maybe realizing his slip-up or the general awkwardness of such a statement, Kaoru quickly adds in a coyish tone, "Only I can call Hikaru that, alright?" as if it were a part of their act. In anycase, the guests seem to buy it, and figure the display is adorable.

Hikaru, however, can only stare.

Hikaru does thank Kaoru later for that. It's quiet, almost a little ashamed, but he wholeheartedly thanks Kaoru for sticking up for him, even if Kaoru isn't super happy about the predicament to begin with. Kaoru then actually apologizes to Hikaru. Obviously, through the week, Kaoru's observed how fucking miserable Hikaru obviously is and the fact Hikaru isn't doing or saying anything for Kaoru's sake, at least adjacently so. And Kaoru feels fucking awful. He admits that, while he did genuinely worry Hikaru may be rushing things, he was mostly just afraid of change, and that was selfish of him.

"I just want my big sister to be happy. I'm sorry."

It makes Hikaru cry, actually. Because receiving that kind of support from the person she cares most about is such an essential thing, and it's a weight off of her.

I think they do progress slow for several reasons. Obviously, coming out could cause many, many issues, so for now, Hikaru and Kaoru keep it a secret between them. Also, Hikaru does think Kaoru was right about not speeding things, so for now, it's just between them.

"You know," Kaoru joked with a mischievous grin, "since you're a girl, is it really okay for us to share a room?"

"Oh, what, now it's suddenly an issue?" Hikaru smirked back.

"It's scandalous! A brother and sister sleeping in the same room? They could be having sex!"

Hikaru barked a laugh. "Ohh, but not the homosexual twin brothers?"

"Obviously being gay is a made up concept to sell more BL manga, don't you know?"

It's normalcy in a new way, and yes it is strange and will take getting used to, but Kaoru wants to support Hikaru when she needs it most. He doesn't want to ever make it feel like Hikaru can't trust him.

And the years pass like this. By the time they're out of high school, Hikaru's wardrobe is a 50/50 split between "feminine" and "masculine" outfits. They have their own haircuts, Kaoru's being the college-era one we see in canon and Hikaru's being also being the canon college-era one except her hair is a little longer here, and a bit puffier. Hikaru doesn't change her name because 1 she likes it 2 "Hikaru" is already a gender-neutral name.

I think, at this point, considering it's been years and Hikaru is still just as sure about her identity as she was back then, it was probably time to tell their friends. Haruhi was due to leave for America in like, a month or so, and who knows how long it will be till they're all together again? Hikaru is really nervous, not so much thinking her friends will leave her but more so of not being taken seriously. Kaoru promises he'll vouch for her no matter what.

And so Hikaru finally works up the courage to come out to her friends, and the reactions are pretty much...

Haruhi: "Oh, thanks for telling me."

Tamaki: "? You were a girl this whole time? Huh??? How does that work???"

Kyoya: "Sure."

Mori: "...I see."

Hani: "Oh!! Like Haru-chan's dad!!"

I think it would be a little rocky, not out of maliciousness but not many of them are used to the change. Haruhi, of course, adjusts to it the easiest. Mori also but that's just cuz he barely talks...Kyoya accepted the notion without qualm but he gets the pronouns wrong quite often. He's just not used to it yet. Tamaki and Hani are the hardest to wrangle with and not out of malice again. Tamaki is genuinely just confused on how this works and Hani has similiar confusion, mostly in regards to "well Haru-chan's dad was a woman but also not one, why aren't you?"

But they both get the idea eventually and of course, they all love Hikaru and they respect her identity.

Idk if Hikaru would ever come out to her family while they were alive. Guess it depends on how supportive she thinks they'll be, or if she'll get disowned for it. At least, having all her friends now in the know makes her feel much better. Idk if she ever decides to take hormones or not, maybe she does as she gets older and decides she does want her body and voice to match more of what woman "traditionally" look/sound like. Kaoru of course supports this decision if she eventually makes it.

anyways, that's mostly what i got to say on it. I just think it'd be neat if Hikaru was transfem and I love the concept so thanks for asking!!

#;noxiatalks2ya #;shortstory #ohshc #transfem!hikaru #ouran high school host club #hikaru hitachiin

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