#that it seeks dopamine production in anything it can

[seeingteacupsindragons]

I guess in summary, the situation with the internet and the world at large is this:

Strong communities make humans happy and healthy with steady bursts of the feel good chemicals. It's not the end all be all of health, but it's very good

Happy, healthy humans are not inclined to dopamine addictions, really

But addicts are really, really fucking desperate for their next hit and will do just about anything for it. Including giving corporations All Of The Money

Corporations want All Of The Money

Therefore, corporations destroyed a lot of the communities humans built for themselves to make them miserable

In exchange, they designed something that sort of looks like what they took away but provides only quick dopamine hits instead of the things that create happy, healthy humans

Therefore, the humans give the corporations All The Money

Modern Social Media is a thing that looks like community but is very bad at actually allowing for it to exist (because actual community would be bad for the corporations, but Looking Like one keeps humans from looking for a real one. Thus keeping us all addicted)

Addiction can destroy the parts of the brain that actually do things besides be addicted, thus further enabling the cycle

Modern fandom and binge culture is similar: seeks out quick hits of pure dopamine in succession because of a dopamine addiction and a destroyed ability to appreciate media for what it is

Addict fan culture leads to demanding leaks and immediate translations so they can get their next dopamine shot immediately

Addict fan culture also contributes to the Spoiler Problem with things like the Marvel movies: the only benefit to the media is the quick shot of dopamine you get immediately, and if that is removed, there's nothing left for it, therefore the quick shots of dopamine must be preserved at all costs

Addicted fanbases lead to fanbases treating creators like vending machines for their next dopamine hit instead of people

AI art is a product of the vending machine principle

Creators do not get their dopamine hit from being treated like vending machines, nor do they get the healthy creative environment fostered by a proper creative community by looking at hit counts and comment ratios

Creators stop creating, or create only for the dopamine

Art suffers

Humans suffer

Defeating the addiction machine is going to be very hard, but we must, for the sake of humanity, for the sake of community and culture and destroying capitalism, defeat the addiction machine and rebuild resilient communities that will help resist the addiction machine

[rollercoasterwords]

consumer culture + fandom rot

here's some more fandom analysis nobody asked for!! this is gonna be my charlie day moment this is gonna be me standing in front of a red-string corkboard shouting about how i've connected the dots bc i cannot sleep and i am in desperate need of a topic to take my mind off Other Things. so here's me breaking down what i mean when i say that consumer culture is the root issue of all (? or at least many of) the problems i currently see in marauders fanfic/fandom spaces (the only fandom i am plugged into; perhaps some of this can be generalized outwards, perhaps some of it cannot. i'm not an expert on anything i'm just overthinking shit i Observe).

Part 1: The Black Hole of Consumer Culture

ok so first we need context first we need to make sure we're on the same page and the page that we're on is that late stage capitalism is destroying our ability to see literally anything outside of a consumer culture. like we are reaching a point where literally every facet of our lives is monetized, including our hobbies, our entertainment, our art.

like. ok. part of the sort of like...promise? expectation? assumption? with capitalism is that work, money, the consumer economy, all that jazz is a contained sphere, right? you have your home life, and you have your work life. but that just...doesn't really exist anymore. no matter where you are, no matter what you're doing, you are consuming or being consumed. everywhere we turn, somebody is selling us something; everywhere we turn, our lives, our data, our attention is being sold to advertisers, who then use that information to sell us back their products. we are all stuck in this endless consumer cycle. and because we're stuck in this cycle where the lines between our private interior interests and thoughts versus our public selves and images are constantly blurred, it's getting to the point where we are being taught to literally always see ourselves as products for the consumption of those around us. this was only exacerbated by the pandemic, where suddenly everyone was lonely and isolated and seeking connections through algorithmic social media platforms that turn you into a product for advertisers and then work to sell shit back to you. i mean, i think about margaret atwood's whole "you are the male voyeur in your own head," right, but with the growth of social media and the surveillance state there's almost this constant sense of being watched that i think applies to practically everyone, and there's also this sense that the only way to assuage our loneliness is to boil ourselves down into byte-sized (couldn't resist the pun sorry) aesthetic photographs or 30 second tiktok clips or pithy little tweets to gets as many likes as possible, and that's--fuck, sorry, i'm already ranting, but it's just. it's just. that's not what being human is, and yet because we are stuck in this consumer cycle it is becoming more and more difficult to see ourselves outside of it, and that means boiling ourselves down to the most shallow and basic little pieces of meaningless shit in a desperate attempt for some part of ourselves to just be seen by strangers on the internet. and social media is tugging us in with these algorithms, destroying our attention spans, getting us addicted with little dopamine hits until we literally do not know how to connect with each other as people, as human beings, because all of our social interaction is coming from people's boiled-down internet personas and these parasocial relationships we develop with what essentially amounts to cardboard cutouts of humanity, and we wonder why we're all so fucking lonely all the time, and we open our phones to scroll through tiktok to get that dopamine hit and try to forget. fucking FUCK it's a nightmare and we're all stuck in it. sorry.

the point: it is becoming more and more difficult to see any aspect of life outside of the framework of a consumer culture, where everything--even our very personalities, our very selves--is a product for consumption by someone, somebody, somewhere, anywhere.

so if this is what's happening to us, what's happening to our art?

Part 2: The Deterioration of Art

look, let's get my personal stance on art established and out of the way, alright? i think that good art, dare i say real art, is one thing: a conversation. i think good art (using "art" broadly here--literature, music, performance, etc all included) asks us questions, good art makes us think, good art sits with us and says: what does it mean to be human? good art does not hold up a set of moral guidelines and say "this is how you're meant to live your life"; good art holds up a mirror and says "how do you think you're meant to live your life?" good art engages our critical thought.

the consumer economy is not conducive to critical thought. the consumer economy is not conducive to good art. the consumer economy wants your attention now, right now, and now it wants you to look at something else, and now it wants you to look at something else, and it wants you consuming as fast as possible, and it doesn't want you sitting and thinking and reflecting on what you consume. and it is extremely difficult to find any art that exists outside of the consumer economy, at this point, because like i said--we're all stuck in it.

and the thing is, like. it is incredibly difficult (maybe even impossible) for any art, any media, that is created within the consumer economy to actually challenge its hegemony, because like...i mean, the organizations producing so much of our art are businesses. the tv shows and movies we watch, the books coming out of these big publishing houses, the music that gets played on the radio--all of it ultimately has a vested interest in maintaining the status quo, because the status quo is what puts money in the pockets of these giant corporations.

so what does that mean? what does it mean that so much of our art is being produced by corporations that want to keep us happy and distracted and consuming as much as possible, as fast as possible?

it means we aren't getting art as a conversation. we aren't getting art that challenges us to think deeply, and critically, and to struggle with what it means to be human. instead, we are falling prey to this insidious idea that art ought to exist with moral guidelines built in, that art is supposed to tell us how to live. and it concerns me to see this growing spread of moral puritanism that aligns in many ways with what i've seen in the conservative christian spaces i grew up in, which decries any moral ambiguity as Supporting Moral Wrongs--as though art is something meant to be morally pure, and if it's not then it is a corrupting influence that must be eradicated. and because we're being brainwashed into thinking that art is no longer meant to be a conversation, but instead a simple product to consume that already has all the answers pre-packaged for us, we end up seeing so much mainstream art and media that is so incredibly shallow, as well as increasing censorship surrounding art. i'm just gonna link to this jen silverman essay, which talks about this really well.

Part 3: Bringing it Back to Fanfic

ok so here's where i finally start to get to the point. and the point is that fanfiction is meant to exist outside the consumer economy (if you've read any of my other posts about this, you'll probably think i'm starting to sound like a broken record. that's because i am). and that is so incredibly unique in this day and age. there is so, so little art left that exists entirely outside the realm of the capitalist meat-grinder, and we should be striving to protect it at all costs.

but! but. of course, the consumer economy is insidious and it spreads like a mold over everything. and the thing is--here's my theory, okay? here's my theory. not an expert, new to fandom spaces, disclaimer disclaimer blah blah blah. here's my theory.

i really think that tiktok is largely the reason that fanfiction has become so much more tied into a consumer economy over the past 3ish years. like, marauders fandom specifically--it seems like atyd going viral on tiktok is what essentially started this wave of people going, "oh, fanfiction can be TikTok content," and then suddenly...it was. and once fanfiction became TikTok content, it got placed inside a consumer economy, because tiktok is an algorithmic social media that does all the shit i discussed in part one of this fucking. rant. essay. whatever.

SO suddenly people are interacting with fanfic within the framework of a consumer economy, and we see this shift in fandom culture that i think has left a lot of people really confused and upset and has also led to just a lot of people talking over each other, because if two people are engaging with a form of art using entirely different frameworks, it's just like...well ur starting with different premises. like of course you're going to have communication issues.

anyway here are some problems that i personally have observed that i think all tie back to this issue of engaging with fanfiction through the framework of a consumer economy:

unnecessarily criticizing fanfction the way you might criticize a product that you paid for and didn't like

demanding that fanfic writers produce a certain amount of content or produce content in a specific way, as though fanfic writers are making a product for audience consumption

engaging with fanfiction under the assumption that anyone writing fanfic wants it to be advertised and go viral and gain a huge audience

when a fanfic does go viral and someone gains a huge audience despite never seeking it out, treating that person like an influencer or celebrity and placing expectations + responsibilities on them that they literally never asked for

on the flipside of that, people getting into writing fanfiction who like...advertise their fic as though their goal is to go viral. i mean there's nothing wrong with sharing your work on the internet and wanting people to see it, y'know? but just like...evaluate your own motivations behind why you're sharing your writing. if your main priority is to just to get as many likes as possible, it will probably not end up being a very sustainable or joyful hobby for you.

treating fanfic as though it is meant to be a set of moral guidelines (rather than a conversation about morality) and loudly declaring fanfic problematic when it contains subject matter that does not align with your personal moral code

acting as though there is a clear delineation between writers and readers of fanfiction in a way that plays into the dynamics of producers and consumers

i'm sure this isn't a comprehensive list but this is everything that's coming to mind for me right now. so. yeah. when i say that placing fanfiction within consumer culture is like the Root of All Evil this is what i mean! and this is why i think it is so so so important to push back against fanfiction being placed in a consumer economy and to try very hard to keep it separate in its own little oasis.

in conclusion i have cracked the code. i am so tired. the end.

#haha nooo don't stay up past ur bedtime writing a super long essay ur so sexy ;) #noooo stop go to sleep don't spiral and think about the black hole of consumer culture #stop itttt omg no don't rant and make lists on ur tumblr blog !! ur out of control!! #ok anyway sorry i couldn't sleep i needed a distraction u know how it is #welcome to my brain. it is literally a nightmare up here i can't shut it off. #ranting and raving #txt

[astraltrickster]

You know there IS a lot to be said about how social media favors simplifying information into short bites and the algorithms are very much preying on the human tendency to be drawn to sensational takes and rapid-fire dopamine hits but some of you take that criticism and just veer hard into being really ableist about ADHD, like - not everyone who gets bored and understimulated easily and has to really struggle to stay engaged with things that don't immediately hook them and might want to avoid that struggle as much as possible in their leisure time after having to do it all fucking day at work or school has "TikTok brain poisoning".

But, in fact, fuck it, I'm gonna take it a step further and say, if anything we should be wrapping this into the conversation about how the environment is disabling people - physically and mentally - and then blaming and exploiting them for being disabled. Yeah, actual ADHD may have a known genetic cause and understood neurological mechanism, but...as an adult with ADHD, who does love the curb cut effect, I do catch myself wondering if this current wave of ADHD/autism "curb cuts" is really just because the things that are growing more popular are just near-universally beneficial, or if it's partially because this online environment is actually inducing ADHD/autism-adjacent traits in more people through actual, literal, clinical addiction. Which we ALSO shouldn't be ableist about!

And no, I don't mean this in the "WE MUST STOP SOCIAL MEDIA IT IS A PLAGUE BEING DISABLED IS A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH" kind of way, and anyone who treats this that way will catch a block and these hands. I don't even know for sure whether it's really happening, or just an illusory effect of those traits being more okay to talk about and having more spaces to see people's mostly unfiltered thoughts - though the political landscape irl, election results and the like, do seem to imply to me that it's at least a little bit of both.

We do not appreciate enough that the quick and easily accessible dopamine hits generated by social media can become a literal, physiological addiction. Like, this is the actual, literal chemical pathway by which addiction happens. Yet, unlike other potentially addictive things, at this point in our culture, you are, at best, considered a social pariah if you're between the ages of 11-65 and don't use social media at least somewhat regularly, and at worst it can actually materially harm your career prospects to abstain.

I honestly suspect there's a lot of overlap between symptoms of ADHD (and some autistic traits, for that matter) and symptoms of clinical social media addiction, and this predatory, potentially addictive use of social media algorithms, especially in the post-No Child Left Behind education environment leaving people with limited tools to question misinformation and spot baseless sensationalism...much like overwork-related burnout, genuinely strikes me as a mental parallel to how we're "handling" covid: demand that people live in the environment that can cause an acquired disability, and then when someone gets it, either deny that it's a problem (long covid is "just something you have to push through, it's normal to still be tired after getting sick", burnout from overwork is "just buy this nice home spa product and you'll be fine tomorrow", and loss of attention span and new sensory-seeking behaviors are at best "oh everyone gets like that sometimes" and at worst "well maybe you're just stupid"), or when that's impossible, blame the person experiencing the problem ("well you should have worn your mask and sanitized your hands more! You did? You should have worn a better mask! You couldn't afford it? You should have budgeted better!" or "well you should have taken care of yourself better before it got to this point!" or "well you should just put that damned phone down sometimes, it's easy!").

And holy fucking shit, even in disabled spaces, we STILL treat addicts like shit. There's this horrible, pervasive attitude that they don't really count, because they brought their problems on themselves by engaging with the thing in the first place when they should have known the risks (unlike the guy who lost a limb in an extreme sports accident, that's totally different*).

(*Note that I recognize that there are tons of abled people - and even some disabled people - who absolutely would also blame this theoretical guy as a reason to discredit them, but I'm talking about a specific brand of individual hypocrisy I have seen many times within the disabled community, anyone who reads this as "yeah! NO ONE would say that about someone with a PHYSICAL disability!" - after reading the previous paragraph no less - can also catch a block and these hands. The fact that some people would be equally ghoulish about both doesn't take away the fact that enough people do carry that double standard to make a significant impact.)

In fact, even if I'm 100% wrong and there is no even semi-common problem with clinical social media addiction...we very much do use that very same anti-addict victim-blaming template to demonize victims of predatory online fuckery anyway. "It's your own fault because you just refuse to put down the damned phone." Because it's so easy to break a habit, let alone an addiction, right? And of course, you end up victimized by disinformation and predatory marketing practices because you know better. [/sarcasm]

What people need is coping strategies, not shame, because shame doesn't magically make people stop being disabled or having symptoms of a disability, but coping strategies can help make those traits and symptoms a lot less distressing and exploitable, whether they're innate or induced.

Tl;dr: Yeah, the companies behind the major social media platforms ARE a plague, now stop using that as an excuse to be ableist, forgetting what the real problem is, and crying about how Idiocracy was a documentary.

#internet culture #internet safety #social media #disability #serious tag #also i feel like 90% of the people who say ''idiocracy was a documentary'' never actually...watched the movie? #it wasnt about education being eroded and politics being sensationalized and humanity's innate mental design flaws being exploited #to keep an underclass too stupid to think there's a better option for them #it was literally blatantly saying ''stupid people shouldnt breed'' #it was literally an ode to victim-blaming and eugenics #IT STRAIGHT UP CLAIMED THAT MODERN MEDICINE TO LET PEOPLE SURVIVE TRAUMATIC INJURIES IS BAD ACTUALLY #BECAUSE THEY MAY HAVE BEEN STUPID ENOUGH TO NEED TO REMOVE THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL #so like maybe thats not the comparison you want to be making #just saying

[angstmonsterwrites]

I was today years old when I learned Prozac/Fluoxetine prescriptions of >50mg in young adults and teens are now known to cause dopamine deficiencies that can persist and worsen with age or additional severe stressors. In layman's terms, it can block dopamine receptors and production in favor of serotonin. Unfortunately, like so much else, when it was new, most clinical studies had only been done on white, relatively fit men in their early to mid 20's.

I was prescribed a dosage of 80mg when I was 16, and remained on it until I was 20, when I weened myself off because it felt like it was suppressing all of my emotions. I'd have the notion of being happy or angry, but it felt like a muffled thing in back of my head--an idea, as opposed to a feeling I was allowed to experience. I do not believe this prescription was made in good faith, but I won't get into that story here. Suffice it to say it was a form of medical abuse with a clear underlying motive. Even back then, dosages that high were usually reserved for more severe, self-destructive cases--not well behaved teens with high anxiety because their alcoholic parents were failing to be adults.

This frames the last 18 or so years of my life a bit differently. Dopamine isn't *just* related to reward. It regulates motivation, concentration, sleep, and works in tandem with oxytocin in social bonding. Individuals with a dopamine deficiency often also struggle with a consequent oxytocin imbalance as well.

Meanwhile, one of my deepest grievances with myself has long been that I tend give up very easily on any number of projects or goals, constantly discouraged by a stubborn internal resistance that tells me that anything I want to achieve is simply too much of a stretch. I've had to watch a lot of my own ambition die or get shelved. Additionally, even with healthier relationships, I've struggled with feeling secure in those attachments, sometimes to the point of being bogged down in a sense of unreality about them. I also deal with some fairly harsh rejection sensitivity. The kind of emotional trauma I grew up with and experienced into my early 20's certainly laid the groundwork for these types challenges as an adult, but it didn't have to be this bad. There's a lot of fear and anxiety that I probably could have pushed past and healing that could have been done earlier with enough motivation, focus, and external support. But I was chemically robbed of a great deal of the first two, and my ability to seek out the third was further hamstrung. My choices were still my own--I still own the responsibility for them--but my ability to make the best ones was sabotaged.

In short, adding a dopamine deficiency to a traumatized brain is like dumping out a gasoline can labeled "Depression+ADD spectrum disorders" onto a raging fire, resulting in a thick, choking neurological smoke that makes processing the trauma itself very difficult, and lowers quality of life in the meantime.

(Because I'm a nerd among other nerds, here's a close fictional parallel I think fits: Mages forced to be tranquil in the Dragon Age games.)

The good news is that dopamine receptors and production can be repaired to proper functioning again through both OTC treatments and temporary prescriptions in more severe cases.

But no one can give me back those 18 years of my life to redo with the bare minimum internal resources I should have had, and I'm pretty fucking bitter about that.

Sources, provided to me by a medical/psychiatric professional:

#mental health things #personal musings

[torialefay]

Hi what do you think of the law of attraction? I'm trying to understand how it works .... I would like to decide my destiny even if it is complicated

If you have any advice, I'll take it. !

Tbh, I have mixed feelings about it. Or about the terminology I guess.

I think that it is really just an underlying concept of “positive talk” that people have branded with a new name and added an addition component.

I was a research fellow during my time at my university and we studied this exact thing, both in rat models and in humans (but i’m just gonna talk ab humans right now and not rats bc that gets too nerdy and no one wants to hear that lol). People who went through therapy to learn “positive self talk” were found to have developed more numerous and stronger neural connections between the pathways that connect areas of dopamine and serotonin production with the areas of the brain that deal with emotion, communication, AND sensory processing. The sensory processing part is actually so cool bc it suggests that the more positively you talk about/view yourself and others, the more vividly you FEEL things and feel a connection to the world around you. (And i would argue that that’s the “energy” we all talk about in relation to manifesting things)

So now it’s like, “okay, so what’s the difference between positive talk and the law of attraction?” Both are basically “manifesting” in some regard. The only difference is that LOA usually manifests something material- maybe a job, boyfriend, dream car, etc. It’s speaking more to the likes of “this is what I want from the world”, wherease positive talk is more of “this is what I can give to the world!” LOA asks for something to receive, whereas positive talk seeks only to GIVE. And i think THAT is the key difference: if you are manifesting to be a certain way because you want to attain a certain material thing, you aren’t going to get it. That’s not the way energy works. But instead, if you are learning how to pour love into yourself, you are literally changing your brain chemistry and be able to perceive the world in a different way. That’s the shit that changes you and give you a radiating “energy.” That's the shit that actually changes you from the inside out and naturally draws you closer to what you desire and deserve. So I guess instead of manifesting "I want this, I want that, etc.", maybe try manifesting to be the best version of yourself and reminding yourself of how great you are. Remind yourself throughout the day of the qualities you want to highlight and how you're proud of how far you're coming. Learning to love yourself fully and letting things come from that version of you- not some propped up version of yourself that you're forcing yourself to be.

So all I would say is, it’s okay to hope, want, manifest, and pray for things that you want. It is fine to involve yourself in any type of ritual or practice that brings you peace and meaning. But simply relying on the LOA isn’t going to get you anything you desire. The best way to get what you want is to learn positive self talk, learn to love yourself, earnestly try to find who you are and LIVE in that. And then, naturally you will have to work hard for things, yes, but what is meant for you will come. Because you are whole and your energy is ready to be pushed to what it wants/needs. You may even find that after doing this, the things that you want may change entirely. And as things become more clear to you, you find where you’re supposed to channel your energy. And it’s just such a beautiful, beautiful process <3

if there's an additional aspect of LOA that you think is relevant or i didnt touch on (bc i don't know TOOOO much ab it, ig just the basic principal) then pls let me know bc i'd love to learn :)

[liminalpsych]

After two weeks of no adhd meds for the first time since I got on them in 2017, I finally wrangled a way with my pharmacy to get them filled (turns out they’re not backordered on the brand name, just the generic, which I hadn’t thought to check until a client mentioned success with this approach).

They still don’t have enough of my dose in stock so I’m not getting them until Monday, but I’m getting them soon instead of indefinite waiting, and now I have a route to take when the generic is backordered in the future so that I still get my meds on time.

(It’s a little more expensive, but still cheaper than the adhd taxes I’ve been paying with dopamine seeking behaviors for the past two weeks.)

The silver lining has been that I now have a very, very clear understanding of exactly how adhd stimulants help me, and how much they help. (I used to live like this. Only it was worse because I was on an SSRI instead of an NDRI as my antidepressant; my current antidepressant at least takes the edge off some of my adhd symptoms.)

(Did you know serotonin can inhibit dopamine production? That’s possibly why some ADHDers have paradoxical reactions to SSRIs. We don’t have enough dopamine to begin with and then it makes us produce even less? Terrible times.)

Anyway. Might make a separate post about adhd meds on Monday. But for now, here are the things I’ve noticed:

oh right I used to be tired all. the. time. 9 hrs of sleep + a nap = still tired all the time, pre medication. Properly medicated, I’m good on 7.5 hrs. Half medicated (no stimulants, but NDRI), I’ve been doing okay on 8 hours but still pretty fatigued. I have not been getting deep/delta sleep (which stimulants help with in ADHD, adhd brains tend to spend a lot of time in REM sleep and not enough in deep delta sleep, and stimulants increase deep sleep in many adhd cases for some reason). There’s been a couple nights of 0 hours of deep sleep despite 8 hours of sleep. It’s been great. Fabulous. /s (help i’m so so so tired)

Focus/motivation, obviously. Oh right, this is probably why I haven’t written much fiction since college. For the past several months I’ve just been able to choose to write, make myself write and it works. For the past two weeks that has been much, much harder and even impossible. I am able to make myself spend time with my WIP each day to maintain momentum (still using all my adhd coping skills) but writing prose has not really been happening.

Social anxiety. I knew stimulants helped with the rejection sensitivity, social anxiety, overthinking social situations, because I went off of them for 2 days in a row once and had a terrible RSD flare up. But two weeks off of them has been… not great. Also generally just feeling insecure, having self esteem issues flare up, anxiety in general, harder to self-soothe and talk myself through catastrophic thinking, etc etc. (and trust me, I have skills. So many skills. So many well practiced skills. I teach them to others and use them personally. I’m functioning, it’s just extra hard.)

Dopamine seeking. Siiiigh. Back to snacking on sugary things that make my digestive system angry at me, in a desperate subconscious bid for tiny insufficient hits of dopamine. That had mostly stopped.

Task switching has been extra hard, unsurprisingly. Also lots of zoning out.

My driving skill/safety. D: yeeeeah. there are a number of studies out there showing that unmedicated adhd (especially in younger drivers, it improves somewhat with age/experience) shows up as similar levels of impairment as being at/over the blood alcohol limit. I was horrified the first time I drove while medicated. “oh. Oh no. I have not been particularly safe to drive all these years.” Been extra cautious as a result, and haven’t driven the wrong way down one way streets or anything like that the past two weeks, thankfully. (Yes, that was a thing that happened pre-medication.)

In before anyone tries to suggest this is indicative of a dependency or is because I was on meds for a long time: no. This is how I lived 32 years of my life. Until the tiredness got so bad that I got desperate enough for a med change that might work a little better than just “not having intrusive suicidal thoughts,” which is all the SSRI managed to do for me. For the past six years of adhd medication, I haven’t been tired all the time, things haven’t been so mind-numbing hard, it’s been a complete game changer and opened up so much more capacity for living that I didn’t have before.

It sucks to have to go back to my old exhausting norm where I had to drag myself through tasks with sheer force of will and could barely get anything done. I am so relieved the end is in sight and I’ll be back to my modern norm on Monday.

#adhd #medication #psychopharmacology #personal #come back to this later

[cindybanksteam]

The Newest TikTok Trend is “Dopamine Décor”

TikTok is known as the birthplace of most trends that have become popular, and one of the newest relates to home décor. It’s called dopamine décor or decorating, meant to spark joy and boost your mood. It makes sense because our surroundings can play a big role in our mental health and how we feel at any given time.

So what exactly does dopamine décor entail?

The dopamine interior design style contrasts starkly with minimalist styles that are often sought-after.

Dopamine décor, which seeks to boost your production of the feel-good neurotransmitter, is about creating spaces that are joyful and fun and also full of color, even if they don’t match or wouldn’t traditionally be combined. Dopamine décor can break design rules because it’s about how you feel individually in space.

Key features of this design style include bright colors that fill every interior surface, wallpapers with bold patterns, vintage furniture, and, overall, lots of visual interest and excitement.

Thousands of people have been liking and sharing videos on TikTok of their own approach to dopamine décor.

If it sounds a little wacky, it’s worth considering how you feel when you walk into a room and feel it shift your energy. That might be a pleasant shift that you experience, but some environments can dampen our mood and energy, like bland, fluorescent-illuminated office spaces.

The concept of dopamine decorating rose to popularity in response to the pandemic. People were trying to escape and found that thinking outside the box with their design was helping them do that when they were at home, perhaps more than ever.

Around six million people have used the #dopaminedecor hashtag on TikTok, so how can you achieve a mood-boosting design in your home?

You can put your spin on it, but some of the key features that we see on social media with dopamine décor include:

Lots of curved lines. Straight lines are characteristic of minimalism, so it makes sense that on the very opposite end of the spectrum are the use of curvy or wavy lines that evoke a sense of whimsy and fun.

Bright colors are a staple in dopamine décor, and you don’t have to worry about them coordinating, because anything goes as long as it makes you feel good.

Statement seating, like fuzzy sherpa chairs, is great for dopamine décor.

Make your floors a place to showcase your style. Rugs with distinctive patterns and colors are a way to put art on your floor so it’s all around you.

The joy we experience stems from all our senses being stimulated, so you want to create spaces that feel good, smell good and sound good, and look bright and cheery.

The idea of designing a space that makes you feel good isn’t necessarily new, but this is the first time it’s been given a name thanks to its TikTok popularity.

If you aren’t sure where to begin with this trend, remember that your dopamine-creating décor doesn’t have to be like anyone else’s. If you have a collection of items that you love, showcase them. Use it in your home design if your favorite color is loud and out-of-the-ordinary. Have favorite patterns that you wouldn’t necessarily think to use in your décor? Use them anyway.

[adaginy]

Since I'm currently 'between jobs', I'm trying something I'm calling Business Hours. Between 9-12 and 1-5 Monday-Friday, normal-person working hours, I can't access twitter, tumblr, ao3, or anything else where I go "just for a minute" and suddenly it's 6 pm and I haven't done anything productive all day, and doing this every day until suddenly it's mid-January and I'm no longer getting severance checks and my job search gains an unwanted level of urgency. I don't have to be job-searching -- I can be cleaning house, I can be working on my to-be-read pile, I can be watching my backlog of edutainment youtube subscriptions. Or napping, took a good 4-hour nap two days ago. I just can't engage in, you know, classic dopamine-seeking behavior. A program called FocusMe will kick me out. It suuuucks. A bit unpleasantly eye-opening with regards to how often I'm looking at the FocusMe "nope you're blocked" screen or how often I catch myself. And then I have to go "okay just empty the dishwasher or something and maybe then Business Hours will be done" but no, only a few minutes have passed. :( So also being eye-opening in terms of how quickly unpleasant boring adult things would be finished if I just went and did them. How dare people be right about that. >:[

#addie talks #adulting #executive dysfunction #job search #the first time I can say TGIF in probably 20 years

[tonkipedia]

Full moom august 2021

Full moom august 2021 how to#

Leaders blaze trails, which might mean standing alone for a minute. There will always be people who oppose your stance, but this new moon reminds us that it's better to be respected (and moreover, to respect yourself) than to gain the so-called popular vote.

Full moom august 2021 how to#

As the zodiac's royal, Leo shows us how to lead with heart and nobility. Your willingness to fight for your desires is the first catalyzing step. And now, you're being challenged-should you forge ahead or back down? The 2021 Leo new moon says: If you want it, pounce! Have you been making excuses, not sticking up for your beliefs, or freaking out before taking action? Maybe good old-fashioned fear has disguised itself as a perfectly reasonable excuse to avoid taking a risk or pursuing what you really want. Leo is the sign of courage, and this new moon can help you develop a stronger backbone. Whether you're "rebranding" yourself with a totally new look and messaging or just glossing things up a bit, visuals are Leo's language. If you don't put it out there, how will they find you?įirst impressions can leave an indelible mark, and the 2021 Leo new moon raises the question: How do you want to shine in this world? Since new moons give us fresh starts, it's well worth the effort to put your goals into practice now. Someone out there could be seeking your very skill set. If what you're offering adds value and inspiration to someone's life, then why not share it? You never know when your story could open another person's eyes or give them life-changing validation. Showy Leo loves attention, and hey, there's no shame in that. But there are also a lot of genius products and services that never get off the ground, simply because they're not properly publicized. There are a lot of people hyping themselves up who don't have the goods. The term "self-promotion" gets a bad rap, but let's face it: In this challenging marketplace, even the squeaky wheel needs to spell out offerings in a way that clearly demonstrates benefits. Already way past the initial honeymoon phase of a relationship? Sharing a new adventure can produce sexy, bonding hormones like dopamine and oxytocin that add fire for you and the love of your life (LOYL). Whether you're looking for love with a fairy-tale quality or "a lover and a best friend," set aside cynicism and generate sparks. Romantically, this new moon resets your compass. Try being unapologetically yourself, even if someone else finds it awkward or controversial. Why hold back your true feelings about an issue, especially when you know speaking up can move the conversation in a new direction? Or pretend you don't love something that's "so last season" according to the self-appointed tastemakers of the world? If it's still your ever-loving jam, carry on and do you. At this Leo new moon, open your heart and get vulnerable. It's anything but remote, cool, and unruffled. Hiding your feelings is supposedly a sign of self-control and maturity-but what good does it actually do? Leo energy is all about naked honesty, childlike glee, and unmasked excitement. Here are six transformative tips for making the most of the 2021 Leo new moon: During the 2021 Leo new moon, your best moves don't just draw applause, they lift up the people around you. This new moon will square humanitarian Uranus in Taurus, which can curb some of the self-serving tendencies that are the downside of the prideful Lion. If you're feeling a call to leadership, this lunar lift is like a launchpad to your chosen throne. At a time when the world is endlessly filled with fear and uncertainty, it's time for some true heroes to emerge-with plenty of "backbone" and a whole lot of love. Leo is also the ruler of the heart and spine. A curious attitude and willingness to experiment could blow the roof off your limited beliefs. Park your inner cynic in the timeout chair for one day. See what happens if you turn your focus toward synergy, spark, and opportunity. (Yes, even though Venus and Mars are both in Virgo during this new moon.) While we can't completely blow off our daily duties, taking regular screen breaks is a must. With the 2021 Leo new moon buoying everyone's romanticism, it may be hard to focus on anything super practical.

#Full moom august 2021

[the-g-recipe]

Why we do stuff

I was born in the 90s so most of my memories of my childhood are in the early 2000s. Back then, I used to read a lot and I mean A LOT. I also loved martial arts so I started attending kung fu classes and I was good at it.

image by Sincerely Media  Currently, I don’t remember the last time I have finished a book. I don’t do any organized sports and since I graduated, I only learn stuff that I need to improve my skills for the market. Instead, I’m either on instagram, twitter or watching some movie online. I have also caught myself buying stuff that I know I don’t need and I just don’t enjoy other activities as much as I used to. I also noticed that my attention span has become shorter than it used to. To understand why that happened, I knew that I needed to understand what motivates people to do anything and why I stopped being motivated to do activities that I used to enjoy.

What motivates people to do anything?

image by HalGatewood.com 

In short, the reward system of the brain produces dopamine which is responsible for making us feel better. This has been crucial for our survival as a race so for example, you get dopamine when you eat or have sex which are both essential for our survival. However, Dopamine has been exploited by humans to keep others hooked to their products and that brings us to the second question.

Why I stopped being motivated to do what I used to enjoy

The answer to that is instant gratification. As we learn more and more about dopamine and since we live in a capitalist society it was natural that it would be exploited by companies to make more profit. Applications are designed to keep you online for as much as possible to watch more ads and in turn they get more profit so in free applications you are the product. For example, social media apps use algorithms to show you what will give you more satisfaction instead of what you conciously seek to see.

Nowadays none of the major social media applications show you only what you subscribe to, you are instead constantly bombarded with new content that keeps you hooked for hours and hours through the “Explore” sections.

Marketing strategies have also shifted from “This product is good for you and will help you to do this or that” to “You need this product to be happy” This is also instant gratification since in the first narrative you might or might not need to do what the product is designed for but in the second narrative you always need to be happy so why wouldn’t you buy it? An obvious example of that is the apple iphone ads. the first iphone commercial focused on how you can do more with it. But currently, getting the latest iphone is a social status regardless of it being able to do more

There are so many more examples I will probably cover some later in more detail but the point is, our brain is manipulated to keep us hooked or buy other stuff and the problem with that is how easier it is to get dopamine by using social media, watching digital ccontent or buying something new compared to doing a sport, reading or focusing on a hobby.

We are not in control of what we do

image by camilo jimenez 

We no longer do what we want to do or what we need to do to become better. Instead of spending hours reading a book, we can easily get more dopamine by watching a movie on netflix or scrolling through instagram. We no longer need effort to get dopamine which makes our brain addicted to stuff that give us instant gratification and renders other activities boring since they don’t give us as much dopamine and certainly not as easy. We keep getting distracted when we work or when we read and we are never really living the moment. We no longer do an activity because we like it but often we do it so we can post about it later to get dopamine from others reaction to it. We no longer buy what we need but we buy what would give us more satisfaction when we buy it. We don’t even eat what we need but we eat stuff that we know are harmful but they give us more dopamine. Adding to that our use of drugs and alcohol which are also quick sources of dopamine.

We must always keep in mind that our brains do not know what is harmful for us. They crave stuff based on how they produce dopamine regardless of how useful they are. Next time you want to do something be mindful about it: do you really need to do it or is it just for the dopamine? Try doing more useful activities that are rewarding on the long run rather than being stimulated all the time by constant doses of dopamine. This is how we can regain control over our lives and do what truly matters.

#dopamine #marketing #capitalist society #social media #netflix #digital media #ads #advertising #activities #lifestyle #addiction #being mindful #mindfullness #reading #psychology

[juliabohemian]

the sky is falling

Apparently...

I have been a fan of LOKI since he first appeared on screen. I will admit that I did not seek out other fans on social media until after The Dark World. Mostly because I had a lot of other things going on in my life.

I distinctly remember being filled with hope that LOKI would appear in Age of Ultron, and being filled with hope that Ragnarok would magically resolve everything between LOKI and his family. I remember being disappointed about both. I remember having renewed hope that Infinity War or Endgame would somehow make up for those disappointments, only to be further let down by the kind of mediocre writing that is typical of blockbuster movies. That is a disappointment that many of us have shared, and even bonded over.

And I was so relieved to have a fandom where I could share my disappointment. I was happy to critically analyze what had been problematic about LOKI's story so far, even if most of it was due to poor/inconsistent writing as opposed to a conscious decision on anyone's part (minus Ragnarok, probably, but I digress). I was happy to have a place where I could write meta about problematic themes in fictional media and how they might negatively affect those who digest them.

When I found out the LOKI show was happening, I felt the same lurch in my gut that I'm sure you all felt. Will it suck? Will it just be another cash grab, using Tom Hiddleston as a lure? Even the trailers I was seeing in the months beforehand did nothing to quell my fears. The trailers were carefully edited for the sole purpose of gaining viewers for the show. Which is an almost laughable notion, since people would probably have watched it anyway. But I was still apprehensive, right up until the last minute.

Then, I watched episode one.

And I immediately realized a few things.

The first is that what we are seeing, now, is as close to 100% Tom-Hiddleston-approved as ANYTHING we have seen on screen so far. 

Take a minute to let that soak in. What we are seeing is how Tom sees LOKI. It isn't the product of someone else's editing, or someone else's vision. This isn’t a product of LOKI being a side character who they simply don’t have time to develop. This is a show about LOKI.

The second thing I realized is that this show is almost like an AU story that exists separately from everything else. So, LOKI isn't going to be exactly like any other specific version we have seen before. And that's totally fine. Because he has never been in this situation before, we have no idea how he would behave under these circumstances. It is uncharted territory.

Now, I realize that not everyone in the fandom has written fiction, or knows what it's like to construct a long narrative. I can personally attest to throwing in an occasional plot device that made slightly less sense than I would like, simply to put the story where I wanted it to be. I can also attest to completely disregarding minor aspects of canon that would have rendered my story pointless or required me to write an additional 5 chapters, simply to explain them away. That is writing, folks.

What I DO know is that we have only seen episode 1. We don't know what the big picture is yet. And I can tell you that if I had written a story and planned the whole thing out and, after posting chapter 1, people had posted giant rants about how everything I'd done so far was wrong, I would be extremely concerned about the mental health of those people. And I would hope that they would stop reading my story and go find something else to do.

From a purely scientific perspective, we don’t have enough information to draw a conclusion. And yet, I have been inundated with Chicken Little posts about how the sky is falling. I am practically getting whiplash from scrambling to unfollow these people.

This show is not going to be perfect.

There are going to be things about it that you don't like.

It is totally okay not to like the show, or to simply dislike things about it. But PLEASE PLEASE acknowledge that you not liking something does not equate to it being problematic. It doesn't even equate to an objective measurement of the show's value. It just means that YOU don't like it. I feel like a lot of LOKI fans have an image in their heads of who they think LOKI is and they feel so strongly about it, that they would assert their headcanon as being more in character than whatever Tom Hiddleston might choose to do with LOKI. And frankly, that is very sad. It also means that those people will always be disappointed, because you have zero control over what Tom chooses to do with his character.

I think that after so much continued disappointment, many LOKI fans have learned to seek their dopamine reward from criticizing LOKI content, as opposed to actually enjoying it. Because, frankly, that affords them more control over the outcome. If we go into a situation assuming it will be bad, and it turns out to be bad, we get to pat ourselves on the back for our genius. If we go into it hoping that it will be good and it ends up being bad, then we have to cope with that negative feeling. And no one wants to feel disappointed over and over again.

And I’ve realized that all the time I spent ranting about what I didn’t like about the MCU has not been good for me, mentally. It is not healthy to dwell on negative things, unless that dwelling is somehow productive. And this hasn’t been productive. It hasn’t led to anything but more ranting and whining.

I am choosing to have an open mind, not because I think that everything is going to be wonderful, but because it is the most mentally healthy thing for me to do.

I am GRATEFUL to have this show. 

Even if it ends up being less than awesome, I am still grateful to have a show that is all about LOKI, that gives us lots of Tom being LOKI on screen without anyone trying to steal the mic from him. I want to do my best to enjoy it. And so far, I am enjoying it.

And if, when the show is all over, I realize that it contained some genuinely problematic scenes or themes, I will explore those OBJECTIVELY. I will analyze them CRITICALLY.

But we're NOT there yet. 

#loki show #juliabohemianrant #juliabohemian #loki positivity #loki

[digiliate]

Sunsama Review: The Best To-Do App?

In this review, you will discover precisely why Sunsama can be a part of your daily productive schedule.

 And most notably, how it can help you get through the most challenginghours of the day.

 Let’s dive in.

What is Sunsama?

Sunsama is a special and exciting task management and to-do app with different in-built integrations as well as other functionalities.

It is simple to use and saves a lot of time while creating to-dos, organizing meetings, managing a team, tasks, and picking high-priority work in the most important hours of the day.

Sunsama is not just a simple to-do app.

 It helps you:

 Plan your day in advance.

Plan for the week and months ahead.

Acts as a daily journal (smart journal because it asks questions).

Integrates with Google calendar, Gmail, Trello, ClickUp, Slack etc.

Who Can Use Sunsama?

Anyone living an unorganized life.

People seeking highest productivity.

Anyone who wants to manage everything on a single tool.

People looking for the best time-management tool.

Sunsama Features 

1. To Do List

The to-do list presented by Sunsama is different from its purpose.

While other to-do list apps offer a typical to-do interface where you have to type everything manually, Sunsama’s to-do list has a few things pre-written.

This makes it easier to avoid the initial inertia that hampers your productivity.

As you keep adding tasks to complete for the day, Sunsama automatically updates the total hours that you will work on a particular project and overall.

2. Pomodoro Tasks Timer

Moving more advanced with the to-do list, you don’t need to have that physical timer or a digital alarm clock to set your Pomodoro hours.

With Sunsama’s smart tasks timer feature, you can start a Pomodoro time for a particular task, take breaks in between, and close that task whenever you want.

3. Daily Planner

The daily planner by Sunsama is the only journal that does not feel boring to get started.

In the evening, you can write about what you accomplished during the day and what can be improved upon, or anything of that sort.

And then, write down the things that you would want to get done tomorrow.

4. Collaborative Tools

If you want to use Sunsama with third-party apps such as Google Calendar, Trello, Gmail, ClickUp, etc… You can do so within one click with the help of integration facilities.

Let’s say, you want to integrate Gmail to check your emails within the Sunsama dashboard.

You can easily do that by clicking on Gmail icon located at the right side and then by connecting your Gmail account by clicking on the ‘add Gmail’ button.

After adding your Gmail account, you can drag and drop your emails to your tasks, create various automations and much more.

5. Progress Bar And Tracker

the healthy dopamine system helps in reaching your daily targets without burning out.

Here’s where the progress bar helps.

Once you start ticking off the tasks, your progress gets reflected through a green progress bar as it moves forward.

This encourages you to work more and finish what’s still on the plate for the day.

Simple yet effective.

Pros And Cons

Pros

Most simple and easy-to-use productivity and timeboxing tool.      

Does the job of numerous productivity tools and integrates with countless software and apps.

Combines tasks and calendar into a single unique interface.

Acts as a daily journal and a guide.

Cons

 A lot of people find it more expensive than other competitors' tools.

 Archiving feature does not help a lot.

Pricing

Sunsama provides a 14-day free trial where you can access all the premium features for free without entering the bank information.

If you are an individual, Sunsama will cost you $20/month when billed monthly.

However, if you choose an annual plan, (pay for a year) then you can save a lot in the long run by paying just $16/month.

The Final Verdict

Sunsama is an amazing productivity tool with a lot of features that are helpful in making your life easier.

 Out of all, the simplicity of using the app despite its countless functionalities is what makes it a treasure.

I suggest getting Sunsama today if:

You want control over your time.

You want to practice ruthless.

Manage your time and tasks the better way.

You want to replace multiple tools with one.

Original Review  Written By Dhruvir Zala

Get Sunsama 14-Day Free Trial Now

#sunsama sunsama review sunsama pricing

[aurorave]

Matter

I am electricity coursing through matter. I am the energy which courses through flesh and I am the code written in random molecules made life. I am the spark that flows through strands of grey matter and forges new roads, I am the force that shapes molecules to tell my story and to be eternal. 

I am the particle of what was barely matter that was propelled across nothing and everything by a mystery, and I am one of the first to seek companions, and I am what decided that fish should reinvent breathing. Every cell that propels me through the vast nothingness is held together by secrets and love and hope and I am the end product of infinite mistakes and tragedy. 

I find comfort in my loneliness because everything else is too. Everything is bound to this rock for fear of being alone, water prefers being together then being alone. Even molecules cling to each other in the cold, and atoms hold hands as they hurl through movements. Through time. 

Is that why water holds its surface tension? Why the blimp blew up, why hydrogen seeks to destroy itself in a blast of energy?

Are its electrons the loneliest things in the universe? The only thing in the infinite which does not have something else to hold. Even quarks have each other. Photons can cling to the fleeting movement when they pass by one and other undisturbed. 

I found comfort in my loneliness because I wasn’t alone in it. Because I wasn’t the hydrogen electron. 

And then I met you, and I made a whole mess of my matter. More dopamine than anything Lisdexamfetamine had ever helped me register, estrogen, testosterone. Norepinephrine and so much serotonin that my zygomaticus major overstrained itself. I released enough Oxytocin and Vasopressin that my hippocampus formed pathways in the shape of your laugh and you became a fundamental, integral part of my pathway through time.

I like to think we inhabited two hydrogen atoms that formed a molecule. That we held hands before gravity had made up its mind.

And in a trillion years, when everything is further apart and we’ve inhabited a few aliens, I like to think that we’ll be that molecule again. Holding hands at the end of time, when everything is still. 

#poetry #original poem #love letter #love #physics #biology #chemistry #biochemistry #original writing #original poetry #im having an existential crisis about hydrogen rn

[gay-impressionist]

Things I would have liked to know when I was a teen (from someone who is now 22)

- some of you will still have zits as adults. it's not the end of the world.

- you will get stretch marks. they become less visible with years but they won't disappear. it's ok.

- nobody has their life together by the time they're in college. probably still don't when they're finished. it's ok.

- everyone who started to smoke as a teenager now regrets it as it's very difficult to quit.

- some of you will still be virgin after highschool or college. it's ok, people (who aren't assholes) don't actually care. that works for being single as well.

- maybe you're a moody teenager but maybe you have an undiagnosed mental illness. just because people say this period of life sucks for everyone doesn't mean it has to be this hard. if you're not ok, please (if you can) talk about it with friends and family and seek professional help. waiting and hiding your pain only makes it worse. whether you have a severe disease or just feel low, it can only help.

- i know you think that your stamina and alcohol tolerance will start to decrease in your late 30s but lmao no. the moment you turn 20 you notice a difference. you can still party ofc, it just takes longer to recover. you will also probably realize getting wasted isn't interesting or practical, staying sober or being tipsy is far better in every way.

- always eat when you drink alcohol and drink as much water as alcohol. you may not need it now, but if you don't want to be hungover you will need this tip one day.

- back pain, neck pain, joints pain come way earlier than you think

- period cramps might get better. but maybe they'll get worse. everyone is different, just listen to your body and talk about it with others. you don't have to hide your pain and discomfort every month, periods aren't gross. talking about it also helps to see if your pain is normal or if you need to see a professional.

- you can be skinny your entire childhood and then gain weight because of puberty without modifying your diet. it's ok. whatever people say, you don't have to change the way you eat. your weight does not define your worth.

- be careful with your screen time. i know it's tempting but smartphones are designed to be addictive and once you're hooked, your attention span for things which don't provide dopamine as quickly is decreased forever.

- i know this is not a time of your life where you like to be photographed but keep in mind that one day photos will be the only things that remain of your past. and you will regret not having them.

- your pain doesn't make your superior or inferior to other people. it's not how it works.

- it's ok to like popular things. it's ok to dislike them. their popularity does not define their worth. you do. and remember this before judging other people's tastes.

- it's ok to be lazy from time to time, especially if you need it for your mental health (not being ok takes a tremendous amount of energy). productivity is an overrated construct. but don't transform this into an excuse to never do anything.

- always try to understand other people. put yourself in their shoes, try to see where they're coming from. but keep in mind that understanding doesn't have to mean excusing.

- don't wish to stop feeling because i swear there is nothing worse than numbness. being numb means being dead inside. you do not want to know what i would have given to feel or cry when i was numb. at least when there's tears there's hope because it means you're still alive

- you do not need to have a purpose, a big goal to achieve. it's ok to feel like life is meaningless. you can stay alive for that videogame being released next week and that you've been dying to play. or for your friend's next birthday party. or for peanut butter. or for what that actor you like stars in next. or to feel the sun on your skin. anything that keeps you going is valid. life is more about little joys than big happy events.

- and as i read somewhere "Everything looks like failure in the middle. You can’t bake a cake without making the kitchen look messy. Halfway through a surgery it looks like there’s been a murder in the operating room. So, Don’t run away from failure. Seek it."

being an adult sucks. but it's also great in so many ways, i promise. stick around

#life things #meaning of life #life hacks #adulting #idk how to tag this #life advices #things to know

[brytmoon]

i feel like i'm being really annoying about it to ppl so i'm gonna vent here about struggles i have that might be undiagnosed adhd symptoms since i don't have a very big following except for two close friends (sorry y'all)

1. hygiene, such as brushing my teeth in the morning and showering, is hard. it's been hard my whole life but even now, i'll stare at myself in the mirror or scroll through my phone as i try to convince myself to brush my teeth. (this may or may not be related, but i hate going to the dentist, too.) with showering, it's hard to find the time. i always make sure to shower as often as possible (which is every other day, usually) or i make sure i don't smell if i haven't because i'm scared of having b.o. with both, i have to motivate myself to do it with fancy toothpastes and mouthwash or nice-smelling shower gels and lotions. I'm guessing this is executive dysfunction???

2. I've been incredibly disorganized my whole life. i once thought i had adhd when i was younger because of how disorganized i was. I've always had a super messy backpack and a super messy room (it's really messy rn) but i always know where everything is. i had a ds for at least ten years but lost it a couple months ago in the middle of playing it. where did it go???? i have no idea bruh. and i lose my phone all. the. time.

3. i'm terrible with procrastinating. turning in projects and essays at 11:59 after bullshitting it either all day or mere hours before the due date??? a constant. having failing homework grades and having ntis in every class, no matter how much i enjoy it??? a constant. i once did a whole project i hadn't started on until the morning of the due date. i worked on it while in other classes and at lunch and turned it in 3 minutes before the dropbox closed. anything that's not what i enjoy or zaps the fun out of what i enjoy, i procrastinate with. I've sat in front of the computer screen and almost cried so many times because i couldn't get myself to type up a scholarship essay, which OBVIOUSLY would greatly benefit me as a broke college student, but it doesn't matter bc my brain thinks it's boring so why not push it off?? because i procrastinate, i tend to overwhelm myself so much that i break down at least once when an assignment's due because I've formed a terrible habit of pushing myself to overexertion to get a project done that's meant to be done gradually.

4. bouncing off that last point, I'm terrible with time management and remembering events/due dates/assignments to complete. I've tried using schedule apps and alarms. I've tried to plan out my days. I've tried forming routines and habits to get things done at appropriate times and it doesn't work. that schedule app i downloaded and spent so much time filling out? completely forgotten in a week or two. i swipe away the notifications and pay no attention to them. since everything's virtual now, there have been important college information zoom calls, but i forget about them and miss them. i can't remember events, due dates, or assignments if i don't write them down. since i meet every other day or sometimes once a week for a specific class in college, i can easily forget something mentioned earlier that week that's due the next week over the weekend. i have to remember to write in my agenda in order to remember to do something important, which can be stressful and convoluted 🙃🙃 so my bad time management results in further procrastination and missed opportunities, which makes me feel awful about myself late at night when all i can think about is what i should've done better or differently.

5. chores and hobbies are... interesting. when i do get the energy or motivation to clean or draw, i will hyperfocus on them. if i finally feel like cleaning, I'll skip breakfast and/or lunch and won't take care of myself until I'm done. same happens with drawing. and as stupid or funny as it sounds, i find getting up to go pee so annoying!!!! I'm in the middle of doing something i FINALLY want to do and then i have to get up to go use the bathroom. i don't want to break my concentration bc it's an inconvenience. then with hobbies (y'know, things i want to do and enjoy) i procrastinate!! I've been trying to watch atla since everyone loves it and i like it too, but i put off watching it and other shows like crazy. i play instruments and love to do so, but don't practice very often and spend a couple hours doing so when i do because i remember how fun it is. when i do laundry, I'll remember to put the clothes in the washing machine and start it. but then I'll forget to either put them in the dryer, take them out of the dryer, or fold them. i often have to rewash loads because I'll forget they're in there or I'll have a pile of clothes sitting on my bed for days because i procrastinate with folding them and putting them up.

6. i am the most motivated and have the most energy at night. over the summer, I'd stay up until 4 or 5 am on a regular basis. I'd be the most productive during that time but my sleeping schedule would be so off because of it.

7. so people with adhd crave things that produce dopamine, right? well i snack on candy all the time. and i mean it when i say it's ALL THE TIME. my favorite one is red hots because they're crunchy and spicy. eating candy helps me focus and is probably a form of me seeking more stimulation, but it's bad because of my teeth hygiene issues and me hating to go to the dentist. i also can't do tasks quietly. i have to be listening to music or watching a video while working on something and there are times when i want to do both while working??? so now when i watch something or listen to music without working, i tend to need something to do so i scroll through Instagram while having the show on even though it makes me miss what's happening sometimes.

8. i don't really fidget much i don't think?? but i do weird stuff while listening to someone talk. in school, i often doodled on my worksheets and got in trouble for it. I'd draw eyes in the margins, characters I'm fixated on, squiggly lines, and would color in my o's. or while listening to a family member vent, i dance around or listen while scrolling through Instagram. i also have a baaad habit of picking at my skin (dermatillomania). I'd focus on picking scabs for a really long time when i was alone and bored and have scars on my face and legs from doing it. I've picked at my face since i was a kid and absent mindedly do it every day.

9. i can get quite distracted and have to ask for directions to be repeated because i won't hear them?? like my brain won't process what someone said until they say it again when i'm actually fully paying attention. my mom will ask me to run an errand for her and she'll need to repeat it to me because i'll get distracted while she's explaining or i'll forget what she said after walking away. i get off track in conversations a lot and can't really listen well when there's a lot of other noise going on, like in cafeterias. i'll be talking to one friend and hear another interesting conversation down the table and pause while speaking bc my attention shifted. i also can lose my train of thought quite easily when waiting to speak and forget what i was saying and not be able to remember it for the life of me. so I'll interrupt sometimes so i don't forget

10. when talking to friends, i feel like i talk about myself a lot. i like to use my personal experiences to connect with what they said and be empathetic to them, but i worry this comes off as being conceited. i heard that it might be an adhd thing i do to keep myself engaged in the conversation.

i think that's all of them??? I'm so sorry to anyone who has to scroll through all this jgjrjrj but i guess it's good to make note of this stuff in some way because i articulate my feelings better when typing instead of speaking. and this'll be helpful to reference when chatting with a future therapist which i will hopefully get soon! and if anyone sits through this and has any advice, I'm all ears!!

#adhd things #undiagnosed adhd #adhd culture #adhd inattentive

[glitterycreatortheorist]

SOCIAL DILEMMA TO SOCIAL DETOXIFICATION

(A critical documentary review about the enigmatic reality of Social media)

The emergence of online social media platforms has been highly bodacious, massive people have been engaged and yoked. However, behind the positive social media features that excite and entertain people, there is the insidiousness that underlies on it. The social dilemma created by Jeff Orlowski gave us similarly terrifying "what are we doing to ourselves". As I have watched this documentary on Netflix, what I learned on this movie is that our brains are being manipulated and interconnected by algorithms that are designed to get our attention.

As the film opens, we can see that the people who narrate the stories are uncomfortable and embarrassed, it turns out they are confessing and apologizing. In the documentary, they interviewed Justin Rosenstein, the inventor of Facebook's most ubiquitous feature, the "like" button. He modestly says it was intended to spread positivity. According to him it was intended to spread a commendable vibe like he is stating that what could be wrong with letting your friends and their friends "like" something you've posted? Well it turns out people  get hurt if they don't earn many likes. This is a precipitous spike in anxiety because they mostly based their worth in the likes.

Aside from that The Social Dilemma  correlates with how in denial that person is about their own social media use. Do people really not know that their data is being analyzed, collected and sold? How many times have you searched for a product on Google, and then suddenly all of the social media ads you see are for similar products? If our movements are not being tracked, then how is Google Maps providing you with directions? Another one is the subtlety in which we are influenced on social media. If you're watching on TV and an advertisement just pops up, you must know that you are being sold, which alters your perception of the information being shown off. It sounds ridiculous when you jump to the end, but that's the beauty and horrendous effect of psychological manipulation. It's obscure and gradual, so you don't realize anything significant is happening until it's too late.

 

The documentary is just an honest and blunt awareness. Nothing to be ashamed  nor jump into prejudices. You don't know what you don't know, however the sudden burst of anxiousness might hit us after watching it. We all know that social media has become an integral part of modern life but after watching this documentary, the horror struck just punched me inside. Humans are fascinating creatures to produce a massive influential platform yet we are so lacking in self awareness that we are easily manipulated by each other. With this unprecedented  toxicity in social media it hugely affects certain aspects of human beings, specifically their mental energy. As I watched the film I felt the level of horror and I cannot deny my relationship on social media would probably get a status of "it’s complicated". As a student, I have to maintain my online presence, because obviously the new learning modality is online, to be honest my social media has duplicated accounts in which I have those for my personal and academic purposes. However, as much as I give to my online presence, I've always tried to give my offline presence. In the morning, as I wake up I always control myself to hold my phone and accomplish first my daily morning routines before I proceed to stare, scroll, and check any memes, notifications or any advisory, aside from that I sometimes leave my phone at home when I am with my friends house because I want to try to keep my focus 100% in the offline world when I'm with other people, because I know that it is rude to not pay attention to the people you're physically with.

 

It broke my heart to see the statistics on hospitalization for self harm and suicide rate in the film of Social Dilemma. As a student who experienced anxiousness, insecurity, and stress in social media, I would recommend taking a social media break, and to further accomplish that, you must first declutter things on your mind and one of those things that we should do is to eliminate the use of social media and too much consumption for a set period of time. I don't delete my social media accounts, I just temporarily disable applications and sometimes uninstall them if it is no longer beneficial.

A social media detox gives you a chance to clear your mind and as we constantly do it, it becomes therapeutic. We must no longer fear being missed out, we just want to step back and really evaluate what's important in life. As we look back and pause for a while those platforms that are designed to get us addicted to the feedback loop notifications are not real life, surely it will cause dopamine hit but as we invest more time in those social media applications and websites, it drains us. The Social Dilemma taught us that the more ads they can serve you, the more money they can make from you, your data is being sold, your anxiousness is getting higher and your basis of worth is always inclined on the validations in social media. The social media break for me isn't required but it's beneficial and there are certain requisites during the Social media Detox and that is to provide a plan that doesn't involve technology, some of the suggestions are recommended phase for everyone, and that includes spending time with friends and family, working on a side project, exercise or meditate, learning something new (hobby, language, skills) and you probably wind up surprise at how much time you'll find during the day that you are not occupied with the use of social media habit.

If you feel like social media has taken over your life, if you find yourself constantly checking your phone or other gadgets, seeking validation, developing insecurity and anxiety that plagues us to attain genuine happiness, then these might be signs that it's time for a break.

Photo credits: Instagram@TheSocialDillema

Written by: polaaaarbear 🧸

#social media #social media detox