#that memory still haunts me and always will

[paradiseprincesss]

ghostin - jonathan crane x reader

this story is told with flashbacks and little fragments of the readers memories, and ugh - i think i broke my own heart writing this.

summary: jonathan just comes to visit you when you're dreaming every now and then.

warnings: death, accidental suicide, grief and mourning, miscarriages, like pure angst i'm sorry but lowkey a happy ending? (also please listen to the song it just so good)

you woke up in a cold sweat, trembling with tears streaming down your face as you look over to the digital clock by your bed.

12:12 am

"another dream?" your boyfriend mumbles sleepily from beside you in the bedsheets, softly rubbing your arm in hopes you soothe you.

you felt the tears stream down your face uncontrollably again, "i'm sorry, i didn't mean to wake you up."

"don't apologize," he whispers, "i can hear you crying in your sleep. i just want to be there for you when i can."

"he came to visit me again," you say, letting out a choked sob, "i-i haven't seen him recently, but he came back."

"i know, sweetie. i know." your boyfriend says softly, now sitting up to hold you in his arms - but it's not the same.

it'll never be the same as jonathan.

four years. it had been four years since the love of your life passed away, and everyday you mourned him. you even found someone else; but it was torture for him, you knew it. of course it hurt you - but you knew it hurt your boyfriend more to hear you cry night after night, always knowing that deep down he he would always be number two to a man who you couldn't hold anymore.

for you, every tear was a rain parade from hell.

jonathan's passing destroyed you, it broke you into a million pieces and you still weren't sure if you would ever be complete again; even four years later. it was all so sudden, so unexpected.

you knew what jonathan did on the side, he wasn't a saint, but that didn't deter you away from him. if anything, it made your bond stronger - unbreakable, even if one of you wasn't here anymore.

it was only a matter of time before the crimes he committed caught up with him - but you never thought that they'd take him away from you. when you got the call from the hospital saying your fiancee had been stabbed repeatedly and unfortunately didn't make it, you were beside yourself.

for two years after his passing, you continuously wore the engagement ring jonathan had proposed to you with. the memories haunted you.

jonathan haunted you.

and about your boyfriend - he was originally a family friend that you had known since childhood, but he was there for you during the time you were grieving. hell, you were still grieving. but soon enough, there was a sense of trust there, a sense of comfort - and finally, you opened your heart up again.

but you knew it wasn't the same; you'd be lying if you said it even felt similar.

you often wondered what the point of living on was if your soulmate was forever gone, maybe love was off the table for you in this life. perhaps the afterlife was more suited to you, then you could finally be happy again, finally feel alive in a place where death lingers.

your grief washed over you like a tidal wave, hitting you where it hurt the most. your mind wandered back to life with you and jonathan - what life should’ve been like now, with the man who should’ve been laying in bed beside you.

your current boyfriend lays back down in bed, giving you a concerned look, but you wave him off and let him go back to sleep. in the meantime, you grab your phone off the nightstand and scroll to your voicemail.

you did this frequently; listening to old voicemails that jonathan had left you. it was one of the only remnants you had left of him. pressing play, you heard his voice telling you how he missed you, how he’d be home soon - you still remember that day vividly, the flashbacks playing over and over like a broken record in your mind.

"jonathan!" you squealed as he picked you up and tossed you onto the bed softly.

"i missed you so much, darling. i couldn't stop thinking about you at work today." he told you, voice dripping with pure love and admiration for you, as he looked at you adoringly.

"i missed you more, my love." you tell him softly, and he pulls you in for a long, passionate kiss.

the two of you had been spending a little more time apart recently, as jonathan had to work overtime a lot, and plus, he had his scarecrow activities consuming the rest of his time. but jonathan always made time for you - even if you assured him that it was okay, he always did.

he made you feel wanted.

needed.

"i can't believe you're going to be mrs. crane in less than a week." he whispered against your lips, and you hum in agreement. you were so very excited to finally get to marry the love of your life, the one - but that chance was ripped away from your very hands.

it wasn't fair - none if it ever was.

you felt the tears streaming down your face as you recalled the beautifully tragic memory that was now forever imprinted into your brain, and you tried your hardest to stop yourself from full on sobbing.

the tears didn't stop, they never did.

four years. four years later and it still left an empty void in your heart.

"sweetheart," your boyfriend says softly, catching your attention, "don't torture yourself - please, it kills me to see you like this."

you sigh, wiping the tears off your cheeks and placing your phone down on the bedside table. trying your hardest to deep breathe, you lay back onto your side of the bed and close your eyes. you felt your boyfriend hold you, wrapping his arms around you again - yet another reminder that jonathan wasn't here, and instead, it was someone else. you drifted off peacefully that night, and you dreamt of something you couldn't remember.

any dream that didn't have jonathan in it wasn't worth remembering, anyway.

that morning, you awoke around half past ten, and your boyfriend was already gone. you knew he had to work, and you were left alone with your thoughts and the ghost of your past which came back to haunt you, again.

you felt sick.

your doctors and therapists told you that the grief would subside after a year, maybe two, but it never did. how could it? every doctors appointment, you would just see jonathans face, reminding you of every painful emotion that his passing brought you. how you could even withstand going to therapy was beyond you, as again, it reminded you of what your late fiancee did for work.

sighing in distress, you force yourself to get up out of bed and roam around your house, but it wasn't a home for you. just a house, and nothing more.

home is where the heart is, they say - and jonathan wasn't here, and with him is where your heart was, so therefore, this was not home for you. you often tried to pretend it was, though.

grabbing the keys off your counter, you get into your car and drive to grab yourself an iced coffee from your favourite drive-thru, too exhausted to make it yourself.

when you got back to your house, it was quiet - still and empty; most parts of your life seemed to be like that.

the things you would do to hear jonathan welcoming you back home again - just one last time. you would give your life to be with him, it's not like the thought hadn't crossed your mind before.

placing the iced coffee on the kitchen counter, you felt like the house almost echoed with the memories of your past. the house you lived in was the same one that you and jonathan lived in - you couldn't bring yourself to move out. it was huge - a quiet mansion on the suburbs of scottsdale, arizona, where you and jonathan moved to after getting engaged. the two of you decided that gotham was no place to raise a family.

your family.

holding the test with shaky hands, you look down at the lines on it.

positive.

a soft knock on the bathroom door shook you out of your thoughts, and jonathans voice came from the other side.

"darling?" he asked, "are you alright? i thought i heard you crying."

"y-yeah, one sec." you call out, voice shaky. you placed the test on the bathroom counter, and open the door with trembling hands to see a worried jonathan standing on the other side.

"oh, darling," he coos softly as he noticed the tears, "what happened?"

you let out a muffled sob, and his arms come to wrap around you, holding you close. "i-i'm..."

"...you're what, honey?" he asks softly, petting your hair as he held onto you tightly.

"i'm pregnant." you finally say, and he pulls back to look at you.

"you're pregnant?" he asks quietly, not quite sure if he had heard you correctly, to which you nod, trying desperately not to cry.

"darling, that's wonderful." he whispers, tears welling in his own eyes, tilting your chin up to meet his gaze.

oh how you missed those beautiful, blue eyes.

"b-but were getting married in a month, i don't want to show to show through my dress," you say with teary eyes, "what if i have to alter the dress, what if get fat and i-"

"stop," he says softly, his voice immediately soothing you, "realistically, you probably won't even show until a few weeks after the wedding, my love. it'll all be okay, i promise."

you take in a deep breathe, remembering that jonathan was indeed right, he was a doctor after all.

was.

"god, what would i do without you?" you sigh, as he held you close once more, comforting you.

"i don't ever want to know." he whispered against your hair, placing a gentle kiss on the top of your head.

to answer your own question - this. this is what you would do without him. sleeping all day, depressed, and unable to function without feeling an immense feeling of loss.

you still remember the day that your doctor had told you that you miscarried, as a result of the stress your body was going through. that day, your soul died completely if it hadn't already when jonathan passed. there was nothing left of you anymore. you were physically there, yes, but you didn't exist.

looking back at the iced coffee, you grimaced. if you drank caffeine, that would mean that you'd stay awake, and that you couldn't waste your day away sleeping.

sighing, you dumped it down the drain of the kitchen sink.

after doing that, you dragged yourself to your bed again - getting under the covers and reaching for the pill bottle beside you. lorazepam pills sat in the prescription bottle, and you popped the usual dosage. you knew it was wrong - this was a temporary fix, at least, it was supposed to be. your doctor told you that you should never extend the usage of this medication beyond four months, but you did.

you'd been doing it for nearly a year.

yeah, you had trouble sleeping, that much was obvious, but there was a different reason as to why you were taking these pills.

no, they didn't ease your anxiety-induced insomnia that you had been suffering with for years, but they did help you sleep during the day when you wanted a break from being alive.

and when you slept, sometimes jonathan would visit you in your dreams. that's why you took them, in hopes that maybe he would show up in your sleep. dozing off, you fell into a state of deep slumber.

you dreamed vividly of him, finally. though the night before, he had visited you in your dreams, you needed more. you so desperately needed more.

you dreamed that you were in the same house as you were currently in, but you were in the kitchen again. looking around, you noticed how different it looked.

like it was alive again. like he was alive again.

"darling," his voice made you turn around, and you felt yourself start to cry, "what's wrong?"

"i just miss you so much, jonathan." you sob, running into his arms to which he happily holds you. he didn't say anything, quiet for a moment before he finally spoke back to you.

"i try to visit you in your dreams as often as i can." he whispered, and you felt yourself break. "i promise, i'm watching over you."

"i can't do this without you," you cry, "i don't know how to go on."

he stared at you silently as you looked up at him, tears running down your cheeks. god, he looked the exact same. not a single difference from the way he was four years ago.

"i can see you." he suddenly says, and you look at him with confusion.

"what?"

"soon." he softly says, smiling at you with tears in your eyes. before you could ask what he was trying to tell you, you wake up in a cold sweat again.

the room was dark now, but your boyfriend wasn't sleeping beside you. quickly glancing over to the digital clock, you read the time.

12:12 am

had you really fallen asleep for that long? it didn't feel like it.

before you could let your thoughts consume you once more, you noticed that this time, your bedroom door wasn't fully shut. both you and your boyfriend always shut it before going to bed, but it was halfway open, and the distant hallway light was turned on.

letting your eyes adjust to the darkness, you made out what appeared to be a figure standing in the doorway, watching you. yet, it didn't scare you, rather it comforted you.

"jonathan?" you whisper out loud, smiling with tears running down your face.

getting up out of bed, you walk slowly and a little hesitantly towards the figure, but before you got close enough, the door swung fully open with your boyfriend standing there, his face stricken with panic.

the apparition was seemingly gone now, and you look at your boyfriend confused.

"are you okay?" you ask softly, but he looks straight past you, and you can see the tears on his face now. it was almost like he couldn't see you in this moment. perhaps you were dreaming again?

"she was like this when i came home!" he sobbed, and you looked at him with confusion, but then what appeared to be a team of paramedics and police officers came up behind him, walking into the bedroom.

one officer had flicked the light on, and you were now worried. what was wrong?

but you glanced over to the bed, now fully visible under the light, and you saw yourself.

you saw yourself laying there on your bed, looking unnervingly peaceful, and for once, you weren't crying. you thought for sure this was just a dream, but fuck - it felt so real.

you watched quietly as nobody seemed to notice you standing in the room, and a paramedic rushed over to your side of the bed, placing two fingers by your neck his colleague placed a bunch of medical equipment beside him.

he inhaled sharply and spoke to both the team of paramedics and the police officers.

"time of death, 12:12 am."

you shook your head, not believing what you were seeing. how could this be?

were you dead?

then, the paramedic that had announced your time of death had picked up the bottle of lorazepam, handing it over to a waiting police officer.

"benzos," the officer said, "ativan overdose. seemingly accidental."

the rest was a blur. they had picked up your body - your dead body - up and placed you in the ambulance, officers following, and seemingly had transported you to the hospital, or the morgue of the hospital. you weren't entirely sure.

your boyfriend had gone with them, he looked like a mess. he was a mess, he had just come home to find his girlfriend lying dead in her bed from a suspected accidental suicide.

the world stilled for a moment as you stood in your bedroom, unsure of what to do next, but your name being called out by a voice caught your attention.

the voice you had been so desperately longing to hear again.

walking out of your bedroom, you see jonathan standing in the hallway, looking the same as he did before he died. he smiled at you softly, and opened his arms up for you.

you bolted into his arms, and he held you close - finally.

"am i dreaming?" you ask him, finally in his arms once more.

"no, not anymore." he says softly, tilting your head up by hooking a finger under your chin.

"i don't understand." you say, and he looks at you lovingly.

"...he found you cold in bed when he came home from work," he explains softly, "i saw. i told you, i'm always watching over you."

"am i dead?" you ask quietly, and jonathan sighs with a nod.

"...yes, darling." he responds, and you take a moment to process what had happened. you don't remember dying, but yet, here you were. in what appeared to be purgatory, the state between life and death.

"the afterlife is waiting for us." he tells you softly, and you look at him with confusion again.

"afterlife?" you ask, and he points to behind you.

a very bright, gleaming, white portal shaped aura had replaced where the remainder of your hallway would usually be.

you smiled to yourself - there was something so hauntingly peaceful and truly beautiful about this moment. in life and in death, he was waiting for you, and you only.

as he guided you towards the bright light, the two of you walked hand in hand, finally one again.

"welcome home, darling," he says, as the white light consumed you both, "i love you, even after death do us part."

yeah i cried writing this. tagging @kpopgirlbtssvt and @nocturnest because umm jonathan crane!!

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy x reader #cillian x reader #jonathan crane x reader #cillian murphy fanfic #cillian fic #cillian x fem!reader #cillian murphy imagine #jonathan crane x f!reader #dr jonathan crane #jonathan crane fanfic #jonathan crane x you #jonathan crane #jonathan crane x female reader #jonathan crane x y/n #jonathan crane angst

[roomsofangel]

LOVER, PLEASE STAY. . .

chapter five

synopsis you and wooyoung have been best friends for as long as you could remember, always overcoming everything in your friendship even after a few bumps in the road and confessions in the past. you could always trust that no matter wooyoung will always be there, right?

wc 4.4k

chapter warnings none that really come to mind, but there is a drug mention in the end but not an actual scene and this chapter surrounds a death anniversary so there is mentions of such and of grief!

a/n aaandd we’re back! can you believe only two more chapters? i didn’t think i’d receive so much love for such a small little idea that prompted this but i’m very very grateful! i also mentioned in the last update about me trying to get ateez tickets and i got them! totally still processing it all— but with such being said, these last few chapters are definitely going to be long and include a lot so get comfy:3

if you’d like to be added to the taglist please either send an ask in my inbox or leave a comment to be added to the taglist! reblogs and comments are also very appreciated! ♥️

your thoughts were a jumbled up mess as the memory of wooyoung’s emotional outburst the night before came rushing back to you as soon as your eyes had opened. you could barely remember all the details of what he had told you, but the fact that he had been so vulnerable before you was still clear in your mind. you weren't sure how things would be between you now that he had shared the part of him he had tried so hard to keep away from you, but you were hoping if anything did change — it’d be a positive shift. you don’t think you could handle more pressure of wooyoung’s misery if it continued on

because sure, misery loved its company, but it was starting to overstay its welcome

you sat alone for a while, trying to make sense of what had happened. wooyoung’s words still lingered in your mind, and you couldn't help but feel a mixture of guilt and frustration. you knew that you shouldn't have gotten angry with him at first, that you should have been more understanding. but your fear for him was overwhelming, and it was hard to think rationally when your feelings were so strong.

as you continued to think, something occurred to you. you recalled how yeosang had acted in the weeks leading up to the events that you were starting to believe haunted wooyoung more than he let on. yeosang had been distant and secretive, withdrawing and disappearing suddenly without a word. you hadn't really thought about it at the time, for the sake of your own denial and sanity — but now you couldn't help but compare that behavior with wooyoung

“what if he ends up like—“

you remembered san’s words, how he was about to mention the name that the seven of you haven't said in nearly two years, and the guilt and ache that came with it. yeosang’s name was almost taboo now, and the mere mention of him could send chills running through your body. however, you weren’t able to sink yourself further into your own rues due to the sound of a knock dragging you back into reality

"come in," you called out, your voice shaky. you held your breath as the door creaked open, dreading the person who was on the other side. to your relief, it was wooyoung, who looked exhausted and frazzled.

wooyoung laid down on your bed, his body slumping over as if he was completely spent. the exhaustion and desperation were both obvious in his manner, and he looked like he was on the edge of breaking down again. "can i have a hug?" he asked, his voice cracking and his composure breaking. "just one hug..." he begged, his words broken by a deep breath and a choked-back sob. his hands were shaking as he reached them out towards you.

you couldn't help but feel your heart breaking for him. you walked over to him and sat on the edge of the bed, gently taking his hands into yours. you pulled him towards you, into a tight embrace. his grip was tight, and he didn't let go even when you gently tried to pull away.

he looked up at you with tear-filled eyes and a small, pleading gesture, almost like a child asking for something. "could i..." he hesitated, as if he was afraid of being rejected. his voice broke as the words fell out of his mouth. "could i sleep here tonight?” wooyoung’s voice was still shaky and broken as he spoke. he just didn't want to be alone tonight. he didn't want to face the emptiness and silence of his own bed, and he was hoping that by sleeping in yours with you, he would be able to find a bit of comfort and warmth that he knows he’s been depriving himself of

"yeah.. okay," you said softly, unable to bear seeing him like this. you took his hand into yours and squeezed gently. "you can stay here tonight." you paused, realizing just how intimate a moment this was, but you also understood his desperation and could not deny him. he was your weakness, your downfall.

"thank you," he said softly, his hands trembling slightly in yours. he just needed a few hours of reprieve, a chance to rest his exhausted mind in a familiar place.

"i appreciate it more than you know," he said, nuzzling his head into your neck. his breath was hot on your skin, and he was so close to you. you could feel his body trembling lightly, but you could also feel his heartbeat as he rested his head against your flesh, his hands holding you tightly.

"i just..." he was silent for a beat, trying to gather his thoughts. "i just want some comfort... just want to feel close to you again." he was shaking from exhaustion and emotion, the weight of everything finally catching up to him. you held him close, your bodies pressed against one another as he buried his head in your neck.

he clung to you tightly, not letting go. he was shaking in your arms, his breath coming fast and heavy. "i’m so tired... so tired," he whispered to you. "i want to feel safe and secure again..." he leaned his head heavier into your neck, his body completely slack in your hands, as if he could no longer support himself.

"you’re safe..." you said the words again, hoping that he would believe it. you gripped him tighter, your hands massaging his back as you tried to soothe him. it was difficult... you, yourself felt anxious and unsure. you wanted to provide him with the comfort he needed, but you were unsure of yourself, of whether or not you could do it.

"i know..." he mumbled, shifting in his position so that he was lying on his side with his back pressed against you. he was breathing slowly, but his breath was short and shallow, and you could hear his heart pounding rapidly against your skin. "i know i’m safe with you," he continued, his voice slightly shaken.

he broke off again, unable to speak, his breath suddenly hitching and a heavy silence filling the room. "it’s been two years," he whispered, choking back his tears. you knew instantly that he was talking about yeosang. “and yet..." he muttered, his breath quickening as the memories came rushing to his mind once more. his voice broke again, as if he couldn't bear to say the words.

you felt the weight of his fear, his anxiety, and his worry, as he gripped you tighter and pressed himself all the more into you.

he could feel you squeezing him back, comforting him in this moment of weakness. you were holding each other tightly, and for a moment, it was as if the rest of the world didn't exist. there was just the two of you... him and his fear... and you and your embrace.

"and then i think about the anniversary coming up..." he mumbled, barely holding on to his composure. your instinct was right, yeosang’s anniversary was causing this sudden spiral, which was only magnified by his fatigue and exhaustion. you could feel the weight of his words, the weight of his pain, but you also felt the weight of the tragedy and its impact on his psyche.

wooyoung paused for a moment, gathering his composure again. "i tried to hide it," he muttered. "i tried to deal with it on my own... i tried to be strong for everyone else when it happened." he sighed deeply as his breath hitched again. "i didn't want any of you to worry... or to deal with my pain too..."

you moved wooyoung so that he was facing you, your hands still holding him tight. he looked up at you, his eyes filled with pain, with exhaustion. you gently moved a few strands of his hair out of his face, and you could see his skin was damp with sweat.

"i just..." he mumbled, his eyes shifting away from you again.

"…didn't want to be a burden.” he was silent for a moment, his breath still coming in short, rapid gasps. "i couldn't bear to make you guys worry... so i hid it... i hid everything..." he struggled to continue, as a few tear fell from his eyes.

wooyoung’s eyes shifted back to you, his expression one of deep desperation and guilt. you could see the tear trails streaming down his cheeks as he struggled to breathe. "i didn't mean for it to turn out like this..." he breathed out, his voice barely holding on.

“i don’t want to” he said, choking back more sobs. "i don’t want to end up like sangie... i didn’t mean to go down this path..." he was losing his composure, his anxiety and sadness spiraling out of control.

you held him close, your grip tightening around him as you tried to instill as much reassurance as you could. you felt his body trembling and twitching in your grip, and he was holding onto you for dear life. his expression was one of pure fear and sadness, and his tears kept falling down his cheeks.

you continued to hold him tight, your hands massaging his back as you kept speaking to him. "i know... i know..." he was trembling, you could feel the heat of his skin as you moved your palms over him, your touch soft and comforting. "i know you didn't..." you were saying, your voice soft and reassuring.

"i know you're afraid... i know you didn't want any of this to be happening..." your hands continuing to massage his back. wooyoung still clung onto you, as if he didn't trust himself to stand on his own right now.

you continued to talk to him in a soothing voice, your words meant to calm him and bring him back to reality. "it’s not your fault, wooyoung... you’re going to be okay..." you could feel him start to relax a little bit, his body slowly becoming less rigid. his breathing was still coming fast, but it was starting to slow down and become more controlled.

"for as long as i’m here…” you said, your voice even softer now. “you’re going to have someone who loves you and who will never give up on you, wooyoung… never." your words were meant to bring him even more comfort and reassurance, and you could feel the weight of them resonate with him as he held onto you tighter.

you could feel wooyoung continuing to relax even more into your embrace, as if your words were giving him a sense of security and love that he desperately needed. “i’ll always be here for you… i won’t ever leave you to deal with any of this on your own…” you said, continuing to hold him, your hands gently massaging his back with each word you spoke to help soothe him even more.

"i promised that day, didn’t i?" you said softly, "do you remember?" you waited for his response, silently hoping that it would bring back good memories and comfort to him. your fingers gently ran through his hair, and you held him even tighter, hoping that it would help him feel safe and loved.

"yeah," he mumbled, the memories of that day flooding his mind. "we were ten." wooyoung pulled you closer to him, taking comfort in your embrace. "we were young and naive... but we still promised..." his voice trailed off, filled with a mixture of sadness and nostalgia.

"but i’m still here, aren't i?" you said gently, your eyes meeting his. wooyoung nodded, a small smile forming on his lips. his grip on you loosened slightly as a sense of relief washed over him.

"can... can i kiss you?" he was staring at you, his expression one of vulnerability and anticipation. you could see the mixture of hope and desire in his eyes, your face flushed a soft pink, and you nodded slowly, a small but warm smile playing on your lips. wooyoung leaned in gently, closing the distance between you as he pressed his lips against yours.

his lips felt soft and gentle against yours as he pressed them against you. you felt a warm, tingly sensation wash over you, and instinctively, you closed your eyes. wooyoung’s hand moved to the back of your head, gently pulling you closer as he deepened the kiss. your bodies melted into one another, and you felt a sense of warmth and contentment radiating from both of you as he held you tightly. his lips moved against yours, and you could feel the longing and need behind the gesture.

wooyoung’s hand held the back of your neck firmly but gently, and his touch felt warm and comforting. the kiss continued, deeper and more passionate with each passing moment. you could feel your heart rate increasing and your breath speeding up, as your bodies pressed against each other. you could almost feel him pouring all of his love and need into that kiss, as if he was trying to tell you how much he needed you and wanted to feel close to you.

you felt wooyoung’s tongue gently trace over your lips. you parted your lips slightly and allowed him to enter your mouth, the sensation sending a shiver down your spine. his tongue slowly explored every inch of your mouth, and you felt a wave of heat wash over you as he pressed himself even closer to you.

as the kiss broke off, you could hear wooyoung panting softly, his expression one of desire, love, and need. however, he quickly gathered himself and pulled back slightly, his eyes meeting yours again. he took a moment to catch his breath before speaking softly, "i… i don't want our firsts to be like this."

"i… i just..." he stuttered, his voice trailed off as he tried to find the words to express himself. you could see the regret and guilt in his eyes as he looked at you, knowing that he had let his emotions take over again. he let out a soft sigh and looked down, avoiding your gaze for a moment before speaking again. "i’m sorry," he whispered, his voice low and filled with remorse. "i shouldn’t have done that... not like this."

you reached out and touched wooyoung’s chin gently, lifting his face up so that he was looking at you. "hey," you whispered softly, your voice filled with love and reassurance. "it’s okay." you held him in your embrace as you continued, "it’s okay. i understand." he looked at you, his eyes searching yours for any hint of disappointment or disdain, but all he found was warmth and comfort.

you held wooyoung in your arms, rubbing his back soothingly as you spoke softly to him. "let’s just get some rest, okay?" you whispered. "everything is okay." you knew that he needed time to process his thoughts and feelings, and that rest would do him good. "we’ll figure this out tomorrow," you said softly, your voice assuring and gentle. "for now, just rest."

you continued to soothingly rub his back, the warmth of your touch helping to calm his nerves and ease his mind. you could feel his body start to relax again in your embrace, as if he was slowly letting go of the tension and emotion that had been weighing him down. his breathing slowed, and he snuggled in closer to you, seeking comfort and security.

"everything is going to be okay," you whispered again, your words a soothing mantra to both him and yourself.

"me and wooyoung kissed last night," you spoke softly while standing under the streetlight with seonghwa. the words left your lips quietly, and you could see the surprise and disbelief on seonghwa’s face as he listened to you speak. you knew that hongjoong would have a more concerned and negative reaction, but right now, you just needed someone to talk to about what had happened. you waited patiently for hongjoong to park the car, feeling the weight of your confession hanging in the air between you and seonghwa.

seonghwa’s expression shifted to one of concern and compassion. he could sense the hesitation in your own words and could see that you were conflicted about what had happened. "are you okay?" he asked softly, leaning in to hear you better in the dim light.

you took a deep breath and continued, "it just happened, hwa." you glanced down, “we kissed.... i mean... he kissed me, and i kissed him back... i don't know what it means... or what to do next…"

seonghwa listened in silence, he knew that you were going through a lot right now and needed someone to listen to you. he squeezed your shoulder reassuringly, silently showing you that he was there for you. "it’s okay," he said softly. "you don't have to figure it out right now." he knew that you were confused and uncertain about what this kiss meant for your relationship with wooyoung.

seonghwa continued speaking, his voice filled with concern and sincerity. "just make sure you don’t get hurt down the road, okay?" he said softly. "i know hongjoong wants what's best, too." he knew that hongjoong was going to be the rational, realistic one in this situation, but seonghwa also understood the complexity of your feelings for wooyoung and was trying to offer you a balanced perspective.

seonghwa’s words hung in the air, prompting you to consider the implications of your budding relationship with wooyoung and the potential risks involved. you knew that hongjoong’s approach might be more practical and pragmatic, but seonghwa’s point of view was important too. "you’re the only one who can decide what's best for you in this situation," he added softly. "just be cautious and take care of yourself, okay?"

you felt a wave of gratitude towards seonghwa in that moment, knowing that he was trying to help you navigate this situation with clarity and compassion. you turned to face him more, a warm and sincere smile playing on your lips. "thank you, hwa," you said softly. "really. i appreciate your support and advice."

seonghwa’s expression softened, and he looked at you with concern in his eyes. "of course, yn," he said softly. a hint of worry crossed his face as he continued, "but i’m also just worried for wooyoung. has he said anything to you?" the worry in seonghwa voice was evident, and you could sense that he was just as concerned about wooyoung’s well-being as he was about yours.

"before we kissed," you began softly, nodding in acknowledgment, "the anniversary is coming up." as you spoke, your gaze shifted to seonghwa, and you knew that he understood exactly what you meant without further explanation. a hint of sadness crossed your features as you continued, "he opened up to me about it, and i’ve never seen him so vulnerable before." your voice was filled with a mixture of pain and sympathy, and your eyes reflected the weight of wooyoung’s emotions

"out of the decades i’ve spent alongside him, i’ve never seen him like that, hwa," you whispered softly, your voice filled with a deep sense of sadness and pain. your eyes shimmered with tears as you recalled wooyoung’s vulnerability and the raw emotions he had shared with you. you felt a heavy weight in your chest, knowing that the anniversary was approaching and that it would likely bring up memories and feelings that would be difficult for all of you to handle.

you felt a lump forming in your throat as you continued, your words barely above a whisper, "it was like he opened up his heart and let me see his pain and his fear for once in a long time. i could see how much he's still hurting, and it breaks my heart to see him like that... to know that he's carrying all of that pain and trauma all on his own just for the sake of not worrying us." your own pain evident in your voice, reaching out to gently hold seonghwa’s hand for comfort.

seonghwa listened intently, his expression filled with empathy and concern. he squeezed your hand gently, offering silent support. "what did he say?" he asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "did he talk about the anniversary and how he's feeling?" your emotions were a tangled mix of empathy, concern, and sadness, and you felt a deep sense of helplessness knowing that there was little you could do to ease wooyoung’s pain.

you swallowed hard, trying to push down the overwhelming emotions that were threatening to consume you. "he spoke about it," you began, your voice catching on the words, "he told me how scared he is, how much pain he's still in." you took a deep breath, taking a moment to compose yourself before continuing, "he doesn't want us to worry, but i can tell that he's struggling."

"and i can’t help but worry," you said quietly, "i’m scared that he might go down the same path that yeosang did." your words hung in the air, the weight of the past haunting your thoughts and fueling your worry for wooyoung.

seonghwa nodded in agreement, his expression mirroring your concern. "i know," he whispered back, his voice soft and filled with understanding. "me too."

after parking the car and walking to where you and seonghwa were standing, waiting for him, hongjoong noticed the tension in the air and the serious expressions on both of your faces. he raised an eyebrow, his gaze shifting from one of you to the other, before speaking up, "what’s going on? everything okay?"

“we were talking about yeosang.” seonghwa whispered

hongjoong’s expression darkened as soon as he heard seonghwa’s words. he knew the topic was a sensitive one and that mentioning yeosang would bring up difficult memories and emotions for all of you who were still healing and in grief in your own ways. "oh..," he said softly, his voice tinged with sadness and resignation. he didn't need any more explanation; he understood the heaviness that had settled over the three of you

“wooyoung told me more last night, i’m scared he’s going to go down that same path.” you expressed quietly

hongjoong’s concern deepened further upon hearing your words. he knew that your worry was well-founded and shared your fear that wooyoung might follow the same path that yeosang had taken. his expression was grave, but he also knew that you couldn't let your worries consume you and cloud your judgment. "we have to keep an eye on him," hongjoong said firmly. "we can't let history repeat itself."

seonghwa voiced his concern, a frown settling on his features. "but what if that makes him pull away more?" he looked at you and hongjoong, his expression filled with worry and uncertainty. you all knew that wooyoung had a tendency to isolate himself when he was experiencing difficult emotions, and you didn't want him to shut either of you out completely. hongjoong and you both nodded in agreement with seonghwa’s point, the weight of their worry growing heavier as you three considered the potential challenges ahead.

hongjoong’s expression tightened as he considered wooyoung’s possible reaction. "you’re right," he finally said, his voice firm yet tinged with sadness. "we need to approach this carefully."

"if we come on too strong, he might feel like we’re encroaching on his privacy and drive him further away." hongjoong’s voice was filled with a mixture of determination and concern. he knew how stubborn and independent wooyoung could be, and you needed to find a balance between providing support and respecting his boundaries.

as you thought about the situation, you recalled wooyoung’s reaction nights ago, when you had stumbled upon the truth and how he was using drugs to cope with everything. you recalled the immediate defensiveness and closed-off behavior he had displayed, and the memory stirred up a mix of hurt and worry within you. you knew that you didn't want to repeat that situation, both for your own emotional well-being and for wooyoung’s sake as well.

“but we also have another thing, joong,” seonghwa sighed making hongjoong’s eyebrow raise in confusion and curiosity, especially when seonghwa’s gaze shifted to you, “they kissed last night.”

hongjoong’s eyebrows fully shot up in surprise at seonghwa’s revelation, and his confusion deepened as he turned his gaze towards you. this added a whole new layer of complexities to the situation, "wait, what?" hongjoong’s voice held a mixture of shock and intrigue as he looked at you for confirmation. "you and wooyoung kissed?"

your cheeks flushed slightly at the question, but you nodded in confirmation. "yeah," you whispered softly, "it happened last night."

hongjoong’s gaze remained focused on you, his mind processing this and its potential significance. he took a deep breath, trying to navigate the situation. "how did it happen?" he asked softly

your gaze shifted downward as you gathered your thoughts, the memory of the moment playing out in your mind. "i... i was comforting him," you began, your voice soft and a hint of embarrassment in your tone. "we were in my room, and i was just reminding him that i’m here for him." you paused, taking a breath before continuing, "then... he asked if he could kiss me."

hongjoong listened intently as you recounted the events of the night before, his expression a mixture of surprise, curiosity, and concern. "he asked to kiss you?" he questioned softly, his eyebrow raised in surprise.

you nodded, your gaze still fixed on the floor. "yes," you whispered softly, your voice barely audible. the memory of that moment was still vivid in your mind, the warmth of wooyoung’s touch and the intensity of his request lingering like a ghost.

your gaze flickered up to hongjoong as he spoke, the concern in his voice evident. hongjoong’s expression held a mixture of worry and sympathy, his eyes filled with a depth of emotion that mirrored his words. "yn," he whispered softly, his voice barely above a breath, "i just don't want you getting hurt."

you swallowed hard, the weight of hongjoong’s words sinking deep within you. "i know," you managed to whisper, your voice barely audible above the thoughts swirling inside you. the raw vulnerability of the moment washed over you, and you couldn't help but feel a mix of warmth and fear at the depth of your connection. you knew that hongjoong was right to worry about you, and you couldn't shake off the nagging feeling that things could go wrong, that you could end up getting hurt due to letting your love cloud your judgement.

previous . . masterlist . . next

taglist @special4u @vampzity @jwone @dulceeed @fantasy2wonderland @fixedonlove @kyeomooniee

#. . ᯓ . lover please stay ✦༉‧ #ateez fic #jung wooyoung fic #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez writing #ateez au #ateez ff #jung wooyoung writing #jung wooyoung fanfic #jung wooyoung angst #jung wooyoung smut #jung wooyoung x reader #jung wooyoung ateez #jung wooyoung #ateez jung wooyoung #ateez wooyoung #wooyoung au #wooyoung angst #wooyoung smut #wooyoung

[nativehueofresolution]

interview with the vampire 2x01 "what can the damned really say to the damned?"

thoughts under the cut

i've been thinking a lot about how the interconnected-ness that exists between all three of them and how that plays into the ending of 2x01. it's hard to say how much of louis's speech is purely for claudia's benefit, and how much he's saying it as a response to his lestat dream - who after all, was earlier taunting him over whether claudia was worth it and if he meant it, and repeated back louis's 'i do' answer over and over again... not unlike how louis keeps repeating 'you and me, me and you' to claudia. it's sort of an answer to that. (and of course, louis and lestat's 'i do's call to mind marriage, and louis is making a sort of familial equivalent with his promise, complete with a till death do us part clause.)

but! part of the reason louis is carrying lestat with him and that he can't let go is that louis feels bonded to lestat through claudia. she is at the center of their relationship. sam reid has spoken about how he played dream!lestat as echo of louis as much as of lestat, since it is louis's psyche made manifest and therefore his actions are a reflection of louis's mental state.

taking that into account, lestat's look at claudia becomes even more fascinating. is that a reflection of louis's love for claudia - him projecting onto lestat his feelings for claudia? and more broadly does lestat, as claudia's other father, become a way for louis to process his feelings about claudia in a way he can't consciously acknowledge - maybe he can never consciously ask if claudia was worth it, but he can respond to lestat as a devil on his shoulder giving voice to his doubts? or is it that he struggles with the good memories they had as a family, given that they had to kill lestat for their own survival? and these moments of affection creep in even while lestat is an evil ghost as a reflection of louis's conflicted feelings about still loving lestat?

claudia, meanwhile, isn't haunted by lestat in the same way, but she can't help but echo him in some ways, as his daughter. and that will always be part of her dynamic with louis too - she reminds louis of lestat, even as she's begging him to let lestat go. i could be wrong, given there's only one episode to go off of so far, but my impression is that claudia can't see dream!lestat in the same way louis can (either a limitation of the mind gift or just that she tries to stay out of his head during this time), but that she senses all the same when louis is thinking of lestat because of how well she knows both of them. and so maybe she doesn't see lestat there, but you can see the hesitancy she has to believe louis - that him saying these words to her might be something he means but might also be making him think of lestat.

the relationships have all become so tangled and mixed together, they can't be separated from one another. louis can't move on from lestat because of how wrapped up he is in his feelings for claudia, claudia can't fully trust louis because he can't let go of lestat, and lestat can never have louis all to himself because louis needs claudia in order to live. locked! together!

quotes from: tvinsider, tvguide, and the wrap

#vampterview #iwtv #rue royale family #kaitlin speaks

[iamjucie]

Astarion the Musical

Today, I spent several hours creating a playlist that tells Astarion's story (a version of it) through songs. I want to share the playlist with you, along with this post as a companion to describe the context.

In my mind it plays out like a musical would- context and dialogue happening between musical numbers. I hope you enjoy.

Song explanations:

The Code: Post game Astarion introducing his story to the audience. A synopsis of his story from the POV of the person who lived through it. 

"I, I went to Hell and back To find myself on track I broke the code, whoa-oh-oh Like ammonites I just gave it some time Now I found paradise I broke the code, whoa-oh-oh"

The story starts when he is attacked by the Gur and is approached by Cazador.

The Killing Moon: Cazador turns him into his spawn.

"Under blue moon I saw you So soon you'll take me Up in your arms, too late to beg you Or cancel it, though I know it must be The killing time Unwillingly mine Fate Up against your will Through the thick and thin He will wait until You give yourself to him"

Dead Arms & Dead Legs: After he has turned, coming to terms with his new undead self. 

"I have been out walking with these Dead Arms & Dead Legs And the mysteries of the universe are patterned in my head The terrain becomes unbearable - too steep to stick your heel I imagine myself here again in 50 million years I run to the left... I run to the right And all my fears become a life And what is left... and who are you in the end?"

Queer: He is seducing victims and luring them to Cazador using his body and charm.

"Hey boy, take a look at me Let me dirty up your mind I'll strip away your hard veneer And see what I can find The queerest of the queer The strangest of the strange The coldest of the cool The lamest of the lame The numbest of the dumb I hate to see you here You choke behind a smile A fake behind the fear The queerest of the queer"

The Dead Come Talking: Feeling guilt about the victims he led to death. He can't seem to forget them.

"Feel the worms eating holes through my mind Like regrets that'll kill me in time Walking backwards is always a guess Distant faces burn holes in my chest, mm-mm, mm-mm Shadows floating, they're out in the hall They still haunt you long after they're gone Buried in the basement, cold cement Dead come talking, can't put them to rest"

rises the moon: Montage of his life as a slave under Cazador, time passes and his hope for an escape becomes less and less. 

"Days seem sometimes as if they'll never end Sun digs its heels to taunt you But after sunlit days, one thing stays the same Rises the moon Days fade into a watercolour blur Memories swim and haunt you But look into the lake, shimmering like smoke Rises the moon"

Abbey: He is out in the city hunting, daydreaming of freedom. 

"There is a light, I feel it in me But only, it seems, when the dark surrounds me There is a dream and it sleeps in me Keeps me awake in the night Crying, "Set me free" And I wake every night Crying, "Set me free" "

Kidnapped by the Nautiloid.  Nautiloid crashes. 

Hand Me My Shovel, I’m Going In!: He wakes up at the crash site and is freaking out. He is in the sun, and not burnt to ash.

"This is not enough, this is not enough to prove it yet No, I need to hit the bottom This is not enough, this is not enough to prove it yet No, I need to hit the bottom Gotta get to the bottom of this Gotta get to the bottom of this Gotta get to the bottom of this"

Meet Tav.

Survival: He realizes he has an actual chance at freedom now that he met Tav.

"You won't pull ahead I'll keep up the pace And I'll reveal my strength To the whole human race Yes, I am prepared To stay alive I won't forgive, the vengeance is mine And I won't give in Because I choose to thrive Yeah, I'm gonna win!"

Biting Down: Drinks Tav’s blood for the first time. His first time drinking blood from a thinking creature and he realizes why it was kept from him. He feels alive. He feels powerful.

"Skip a hit, don't make a sound (It feels better biting down) Breathed so deep I thought I'd drown (It feels better biting down) Listen to the beats resound (It feels better biting down) It feels better biting down (It feels better biting down)"

Little White Lies: Gaining Tav’s trust, making her fall in love with him for protection.

"Would you leave me for dead, or would you come to my aid? If I don't tell you some pretty words Should it keep you coming my way I never meant to lie, but there are things we do and say to get by Little white lies, a small surprise, how big they grow in size It all starts simple enough Your present is dark because your childhood was rough So you shed your skin and you change your name in the hopes of Putting air in between you and the pain, so grab a mask Fill up a flask, slither like a snake into the mascaraed"

Terrible Thing: Seduces Tav enough for her to sleep with him.

"I know what you're doin' here Made your intentions clear Oh you, you terrible thing, you Terrible thing, you Terrible thing, you Beautiful thing Honey, you're so cold You left me on patrol Lose my self-control with you (when I'm with you) Do things I don't want to do, ooh"

Laplace’s Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!): Feelings for Tav are growing, and the guilt of manipulating her is starting to get to him so he tries to justify his actions.

"It doesn't take a killer to murder It only takes a reason to kill We've all got evidence of innocence, it's "everything's coincidence" The difference twixt fate and free will is whether you're singing Ooh, could you take a look at me? Am I bad, am I bad, am I bad, am I really that bad? And now we're singing, ooh Whatever you think of me If you were in my shoes (yes, it's only natural!) You'd walk the same damn miles I do Oh, oh, right!"

Gilded Lily: After Tav does not force him to drink Araj’s blood. He is processing his trauma. He realizes that Tav cares for him more than anyone ever has.

"Haven't I given enough, given enough? Always the fool with the slowest heart But I know you'll take me with you We'll live in spaces between walls Every city's got a graveyard The service bought and paid for Now I'm sleeping in the backyard Passing out as night turns into day"

Against the Kitchen Floor: He confesses to Tav that he was originally manipulating her but now has genuine feelings for her. He has never known the feeling of somebody wanting him for more than his body and he doesn't know how to handle it well.

"I don't owe you my heart And I don't owe you my body But you should know that I'm sorry For being careless with you Lord knows I owe you more Than I'm pretty sure I ever could give anybody But I can't pin down what normal people want from foreign objects Bottom shelf erotic products like me So, I could hold your hand but keep you at arm's length Or hang me from a branch too high to climb and shake Less rare than scarce, less diamond than rough Unlikely to be more than just the coal you fail to crush, and I swear, I'm really trying It just don't come natural to me to think that you'd want me for me I swear, I'm really trying Oh, I'm sorry, I promise, I'm doing my best I just haven't learned how to be human as you are yet"

you should see me in a crown: They find out from Raphael what his scars on his back mean, and about the Ritual of Profane Ascension. He is fantasizing about what he would do if he managed to overtake it in private. He wants the power it would grant him.

"You should see me in a crown I'm gonna run this nothing town Watch me make 'em bow One by, one by one, one by, one by You should see me in a crown Your silence is my favorite sound Watch me make 'em bow One by, one by one, one by, one by one"

Perhaps Vampire is a Bit Strong But... : Astarion fights and confronts Cazador for the centuries of abuse he put him through. 

"'Cause all you people are vampires And all your stories are stale And though you pretend to stand by us I know you're certain we'll fail I've seen your eyes as they fix on me, full of confusion Your snarl is just so condescending Try to explain that we're onto a win If the fee we are in near recoups what we're spending"

He can choose to complete the ritual in Cazador’s place, or kill him. Tav convinces him to not go through with the ritual, he kills Cazador:

What Was I Made For?: He kills Cazador and doesn’t complete the ritual expecting a sense of relief and gratification but feels nothing. He thought he would feel free without a master to rule over him, but he feels lost.

"What was I made for? Hm 'Cause I, I I don't know how to feel But I wanna try I don't know how to feel But someday I might Someday I might"

Two Coffins: He is coming to terms with Tav’s mortality. He is mourning the loss of the opportunity to have her forever by not going through with the ritual.

"Two coffins for sleep One for you one for me We'll get there eventually In the dark of our graves our bodies will decay I wish you'd never change How lucky I ever was to see The way that you smile at me Your little moon face shining bright at me One day soon there'll be nothing left of you and me Two coffins for sleep Two coffins for sleep All the things that I have yet to lose Will someday be gone soon Back into annihilation All things will fade Maybe it's better off that way I wish you'd stay with me"

Rain: For a moment, he regrets not going through with the ritual and feels a slight disdain for Tav for stopping him. This song is when he comes to realize it was the correct choice and is thanking her. He knows that he would have just become just like Cazador, and thanks to her he is breaking the cycle of abuse.

"For so long, I have waited So long that I almost became Just a stoic statue, fit for nobody And I don't wanna get in your way But I finally think I can say That the vicious cycle was over The moment you smiled at me"

My Instincts Are The Enemy: He is confiding in Tav that he wants to be with her forever, but explaining what that means for her. He is tied to the night, and she is tied to him. Is she ok with that?

"I'm paralyzed, engaged in civil war What can I do? Either way, I lose You lose, too Days are nights, and nights are unbearable What can I do? Chained to this mood You're chained to me Keep asking different questions The same answer I receive I need you more than ever To tell me what you've seen"

Sunlight: The Netherbrain is defeated and the tadpoles are gone from their minds. Without the tadpole he is now unable to withstand the sun. He is coping with the lack of sun by replacing it with Tav. From now on she is his sunlight.

"I had been lost to you, sunlight And flew like a moth to you, sunlight, oh, sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight But it is sunlight All the tales the same Told before and told again A soul that's born in cold and rain Knows sunlight, sunlight, sunlight And at last can grant a name To a buried and a burning flame As love and its decisive pain Oh, my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight"

Fin.

#astarion #astarion posting #bg3 astarion #astarion music #astarion playlist #astarion musical #astarion acunin #vampire spawn #vampire spawn astarion #spawn #spawn astarion #sadstarion #baldurs gate 3 #tav #astarion bg3 #this is unhinged #but that's okay #i put too much effort into this #Spotify

[actual-changeling]

"you're a mean/rude/etc. person" honey i hold back 99% of the things my brain wants to say, if you think i'm not nice now just wait until you fuck with me enough and i go straight for the kill.

i am so good at finding people's weak spots and exploiting them my father almost killed me one time, you don't scare me

#alex yells at the void #literally y'all have no idea how much fucking self control i need to have every single waking moment #or my bpd and cptsd would tear everyone in my path apart #including myself #and that last sentence is not a hyperbole btw #it's real <3 #trauma dumping on main #that memory still haunts me and always will #im so tired of being nice i just wanna go apeshit and self destruct so hard i take everyone down with me

[beldaroot]

there has been more moments than i can count in the past seven months where i felt destroyed by all the death and carnage i've seen due to the colonialism and imperialism of the world. but there was something in particular about hind's death that made me think the world would stop turning bc how could anything continue given how gruesome and inhumane her death was? and yet, the world did not stop. and i thought we were once again left to remember her story only in our minds as she became another number, as her murderers went on killing unpunished, and as her mother grieved with rage when all she wanted was to keep her daughter warm and as safe as she could manage in this man-made hell on earth.

however, hind, a girl who only got to experience her kindergarten graduation, is now being immortalized in universities across the nation. her story did resonate to the masses and we will not let her be forgotten nor forgive those complicit in her death. real justice would be having hind alive, but these students are showing that they will stop the world and burn the status quo it upholds to the ground if it means her people can truly be liberated.

#any mention of her always makes me bawl like it will forever haunt me how terrified she was yet still believed help was coming #so seeing these kids coordinate specifically to keep her memory alive is just so beautiful and hopeful #seeing the hall of my alma mater where i had my worst physics lab discussion ever changed to her name just broke me lol #may the memory of that building only be of her now <3 #u of m agreed to divest so let's pray this will only lead to more justice for hind and the palestinians! #free palestine

[aro-aizawa]

getting into batman and fam late is mildly embarrassing because with the series going on for so long there's a lot of various different interpretations of characters and they'll usually have common threads between them in the very least appearance wise so its easy to recognise them. i, however, did not grow up with the standard appearance of these characters and none shows that example more than when i imagine dick grayson. bc when ppl think of dick grayson he has long(ish) dark hair whereas what i think of is:

#shut up danni's talking #gif #batfam #on another mildly embarrassing note i grew up w dick's personality being those films which from memory is mostly cheerful #w a good(ish) relationship w bruce and almost always smiling #HOWEVER i knew of tim drake so whenever i saw robin in teen titans i assumed ah thats tim then i guess bc he always seemed so serious #that being said i never actually watched teen titans it never really appealed to me but i did know of it #on a similar note my mind always gets v confused bc the barbara in those films is my hc steph which does not make sense #mostly bc i don't think of her as barbara gordon bc she's not she's instead alfred's niece or smth? #but shes blonde and shes batgirl so 🤷‍♀️ brain says thats steph which is why in my head she and dick would be friends at least #but yeah i always imagine dick w rlly short hair so it always takes me back a bit when i read someone describe dick's hair lol #tbf i don't take everything in those movies as canon bc the batnips still haunt my dreams and made me giggle uncontrollably as a kid #like seriously batman w visible nips like who you trying to intimidate batman you have nips on your armor

[spring-lxcked]

like half-asleep and abt to genuinely sleep and yet thinking abt giving in and giving william a movie verse even tho i know literally the only difference will be his kid(s) lmao

#—— ✧ ooc » #.tbd. #i've been against it mostly because i think by the time i adjust the verse to my liking it'll just. be game canon fkjdhfjas #like: i'm not a fan of him 'controlling the animatronics somehow' for example #but that singular change makes a large part of the movie entirely different #like the ending wouldn't have happened That Way because my william genuinely fears the haunted animatronics #claims otherwise obv but they both intrigue and terrify him #he won't face them during their active hours w/o thinking he's safe ( me when dumbass still gets springl.ocked ) #i'm thinking i'm thinking... but yeah if i make him a movie verse i'll come up with a Default AU for it #and then me and anybody else can plot stuff out as needed if they don't vibe with it #def a request-only verse tho #should note i'm a major fan of the whole 'mike's blacked out his real memories & actually is an af.ton' tho #both because he'll always be an af.ton in my heart AND because his memories were KDSHFSDFHDSJLA #sorry but i can't explain it. they screamed fake so hard i was shocked when there wasn't a Big Reveal. #like why were his memories like that. why is your family Generic Good Family Number 1. what is going on. #like to be clear if it was intentional it was really good lmao #ANYWAY 'would your william stab van.essa' if we're talking abt movie canon w/ her as his daughter? ehhhhhhhhhh #like in that exact scenario maybe but also he wouldn't be in that scenario if that makes sense #by and large i stand by my portrayal being unwilling to kill his kids pre-springlo.ck incident #like he's a real bastard but part of that is him believing he can always Pull Them Back To Him No Matter What #ANYWAY GOODNIGHT #will maybe rb this in the morning with more thoughts

[forgaeven1]

ifykyk : but are ur muses still at the restaurant

#TELL ME ABOUT YOUR MUSES' RESTAURANT #ngl rhea is still in that chamber waiting for da3mon to show up and consummate their marriage #and gend is still in that cave where he told arya he cant be her family #and gin's is tom riddle in general ( but im not even GONNA GO INTO DEPTH ABT THIS RN ) #nev left the restaurant slowly in year 4. and didnt look back anymore by year 6. #nev's restaurant is complicated tho. cause i do think its st. mungo's for him. which he visits every other weekend #hob's restaurant is quite literally 1898 and 1998 for him #and uhhh who ELSE #and tyler's restaurant will always be his last memory of his mom.. which laurel tainted #so now i do think hes stuck there #i love this trend / concept so much do u understand #LIKE JUST. #''HELP / IM. STILL. AT. THE RESTAURANT / still sitting in the corner I HAUNT / [...] i stayed there / dust collected in my pin up hair #/ im sure uve got a wife out there. kids and christmas but im unaware cause im right where ... / i cause no harm / mind my business #if our love died young / i cant bear witness / and its been so long if u ever thing uve got it wrong / im right where / YOU LEFT ME'' #DO U GET WHAT I MEAN #gen: out of character.

[midastouches]

meet my newest friend, ghosty.

#kylie talks! #ive always felt haunted in a way #by my past and the memories surrounding it #or the people who have come knto my life and have left s ghost behind #so this feels like a tribute to them #almost mourning in a way woth the flower but continuing to be haunted still #i dont want to give up the memories bc theyve made me who i am #although im trying to figure out if it looks like the ghost has a dick #lmao worst comes to worse ill jsut get some areas shaded tk help make it look better rn its just line work

[minamotosousuke]

#this scene always has me fanning myself and clutching my pearls #like you know Kou’s default is always going to be to care for Mitsuba without question #they could be fighting over anything and no matter how big of deal it is #if something happens to Mitsuba then kou is going to be right at his side calm and collected and helping him #yknow like at this point he’s still not sure what’s going on #hes scared that Tsukasa brought to life something insidious in the form of Mitsuba just to haunt him #could it really be Mitsuba’s soul? or is it actually Mitsuba? #I think this moment right here is part of his answer #he knows it’s Mitsuba #Mitsuba’s soul at least #but he’s not yet ready to accept that this Mitsuba is a whole new life and has no memories of the past #EEEERGH just this whole scene him being confused and angry and upset and trying to connect the dots the minute before #to dropping all of that in a HEARTBEAT to care for Mitsuba ughhh I can’t

[astrxealis]

sometimes i randomly remember things about my childhood! (neko atsume)

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #i miss the games i used to play as a kid !! on browser or mobile or whatever !! #there's this one. ps2 or ps3 game me and lune used to play a lot and we once looked for it years ago and found it again #but now. ever since then. we can't :(( i still remember jumping... and then that waterfall...... #kh is so special to me. only ever played a bit of 1 and then the full of 3 so i am very weird but. yeah! #i never got off the island! and then . that really stuck /pos and then i got into kh3 yeaaaars after #bcs my aunt (bless her. shes the one who gets us into a lot of games ngl) got kh3 but she didnt. really like it if i'm not mistaken #understandable but i still really enjoyed kh3 hehe ^^ even w its imperfections! game was kinda ya fr but <3 #and then i really just. realized. that oh! this is something from my childhood!! #anyways yeah most of all i probably miss ofc the memories #but also the games on browser. jmkit was smth i really remember LOL i was a roleplay kid fr lmfaooo #BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT. since uhh. that thing people used to do games n stuff on browser shut down #ig ever since then i've not played on browser as often! ig that's one reason why i really like gbf #it's better for me to play in the app on my phone but also browser is just. really nice for numerous reasons ofc #but also it reminds me of that !! anyways i rmbr the bartender game so well #and the one w the haunted house and the ghosts good gods the games i liked to play as a kid #lowkey really make sense LMFAO SOME OF THEM WERE REALLY. untitled goose game vibes fr #yeah i once got scammed on this one browser game. i was so sad LMFAO BLESS I NEVER USED MY ACTUAL EMAIL #<- back then my emails were random ones like. they always were to do w crystals tho #so you can see one reason why raha is vv special to me :] awh man i used to be a mlp kid. good times #mhm yeah ... !! i used to be super into lego too. movies games and ofc the toys and all. hehe #tbh a lot of these stuff i actually do want to get back into. its less... 'growing out of it' for me and more 'growing into other things' #as i age and having to actually manage my time now. and the reality of being an adult somewhat soon is. there #and i don't think peer pressure affects me as much as... some but it's also quite there. i want to fit in... kinda? not really? kinda? #whoops that took a turn. help. ANYWAYS BACK TO IT ARGHH I MISS THOSE WEBSITES !!!!! #wordguy or something awh man no wonder i was a smart and nerdy kid and until now. i was always into those stuff #fun fact kid me i liked to collect paper. mostly so i could write but yeah. fun fact i also was known as the jacket kid in like idk 6th #grade and 5th? bcs i always wore my jacket even w ph weather being the way it is <3 #yk change is scary. im a sentimental person! its so scary but at the same time so cool n interesting #sigfjsbdkdbskdn. interesting how all we come across in life (esp as kids!) shape and change us

[videodumpego]

the pain I feel is undescribable to me.

#I don't deal with relationships well by that I mean i only was in One #and I'm still haunted 3 years after the breakup. #The more I live the more I read my ex blog the more I feel I am the bad one #always has been #my ex is friendly and has support from mutuals and is nice to everyone they talk to #and I am gloomy and inside my head #I feel like all those years of pain were my imagination and it never happened #So i am more so alone with all those painful memories #And feel like a freak for still dealing with it every day of my life in 2024. #All the persons who'd taken out toxicity on me foe years are now friendly and good #And I am so dark #I am a freak. I'm..just a freak #vent #oversharing

[chuluoyi]

࿐ ࿔ 🕰️ 「 11:07 P.M 」

divorce scare apology fic🤞🏻 yes people, in the spirit of april 1, it’s gojo who is having dreams :)) and i promise you it’s straight up comfort fic~

a part of gojo's love entries

you’ve known something is bugging satoru as he hasn’t been teasing the heck out of you for these past three days.

and you were proven true when tonight, on your marital bed, he said—

“so… i’ve been thinking…” he started, seemingly deep in thought, playing with your hair. “oh, more like it’s because of this one bad dream…”

“what are you on about?” you raised an eyebrow. okay, you knew something was up with him, but him being a bit skittish made you a bit worried.

“umm, yeah. so, the other day i had this dream about us in tokyo district court—”

“district court—?”

“—getting a divorce, yeah.”

your eyes rounded, and satoru could feel himself almost regretting his words seeing your stunned expression, so he added a band-aid—

“no, it was just a dream! i’m not divorcing you, okay?!”

however, your expression had soured, as you looked down, visibly heartbroken. alarmed, satoru immediately pulled you to his chest.

“oh, ooh— there, there,” he soothed you, stroking your hair. “sweets, no. never. okay? i’m just telling you, just like what you did the other day.”

you had a dream of him cheating on you once, but this was wholly different.

“you’re the worst,” you accused, and despite yourself, you felt an ache in your chest. “how could such thought even cross your mind— that you dream about it?”

“if i can pick my dream… i’ll pick the memory from our honeymoon— precisely when i ripped your black and pink lingerie off and made you scream my name, you know that.”

you huffed, burying your face in his chest. “hmph. explain.”

satoru smiled, finding you so incredibly precious. silly wifey.

he proceeded as he pat your back. “nothing really, i’m still bitter too! no way in hell! but then i started thinking… what would you do in 0.001% chance of us being divorced?”

you pulled away, growling. “…so there’s still a chance—!”

“noooo! that’s statistically impossible! aren’t we having a late night talk? we’re always talking about imaginary scenarios at night, aren’t we?!”

what was the point of this? it was only upsetting you with each second.

“how could you ask me that?” you glared at him resentfully. “if we’re divorced, then—” you grabbed his hand and placed it on your belly. “what about baby? do you not want to see him anymore?”

and in that moment it seemed like he just realized it too as he sheepishly scratched his head, mouth gaping. “ah—”

his response caused your hormones to stir, and combined by your disbelief, you spitefully threw his hand away and turned to your side, refusing to face him.

“if you dare to divorce me, i’ll move out japan at a moment’s notice,” you spat out, crossing your arms. “i won’t let you see my baby— and i’ll put a restraining order on you too, just so you see.”

“whoa, wait—”

“or i can also jump from yasohachi bridge and then become a curse—i’ll haunt you to your dying days!”

“—?! you can’t do that!”

“oh, i can also remarry! i’ll marry ichiji so fast and by the time the baby is born, your kid will have his name instead!”

“ichi— hey! that’s insulting! i would’ve forgiven if it was nanami, but ichiji?!”

“shut up! you’re— you’re annoying!”

in hindsight, this wasn’t something you should get this much worked up for. satoru was obviously just being his dense self and you knew it, but somehow the thought of him suddenly not by your side anymore hurt you— and perhaps your unstable hormones played a part too.

. . . but then his strong arms wrapped around you in that instant, enveloping you in his warm and reassuring embrace from behind. “hey… sweets, don’t be mad…”

“…”

“if you do, baby will also be—”

“you are making us mad.”

“okay, okay.” satoru sighed, his right palm reaching out to caress your five-month baby bump, and his voice was tinted with slight regret as he replied, “sorry…”

you melted a bit, but still gave him the cold shoulder, showing how cross you were that he brought it up in the first place.

and both of you stayed that way for a while, and you started to get sleepy, until you heard him muttering—

“still… whatever you do,” his voice sounded strained, and it made you awake again. “even when i’m not here… you can’t get yourself hurt, alright?”

“what does that mean?” you finally turned towards him, your eyes shone with slight panic. “what do you mean with you not being here?”

“nothing, sweetheart.” satoru grinned, pinching your cheek. “just saying—since i’m away often, don’t do anything reckless, you can get hurt.”

“don’t put it as if you’re going to go some place far away.” you didn’t know what you were spouting now, but you were tired and just didn’t want to pursue this conversation any longer.

you bit your lip, not looking at him. “or… i’ll get sad.”

seeing you so vulnerable and open like this made satoru realize that as much as he needed you to stay sane, you also needed him. the clarity stirred something within him, causing warmth to rapidly spread in his chest.

and he felt soft. so soft for you. and he adored you, more than anyone else in this wretched world.

“aw, look at my baby girl.” your husband cradled you close to him with a wide grin, patting you soothingly, his heart fluttering. “how can i leave you be a single mother? i’m here, yeah? always.”

and you believed him. otherwise, you were willing to risk it all just to get him home, by your side.

you smushed your face into his chest, ignoring your burning face. “hmph, being a single mother isn’t that bad. i can still drain your wealth.”

“huh?! wait, you just said you’ll be sad without me!”

and you thought, being in his embrace is the most comforting place of all.

epilogue

“by the way, i just realized…” satoru fixed his frown on you accusingly in the next morning. “how is your taste in men so bad? why ichiji as your first pick?”

“uh,” you were at a loss of words, totally not expecting this discussion on a brand new morning. “because… he’s kind? he’s easiest to sway—”

“so you’re saying… you can seduce him easily?!”

“…sort of? but you’re right, i should go for nanami. he’s way good-looking. or his apprentice… what’s his name again? ino takuma—”

“nanami? ino?! wait a minute…! y-you’re my wife… but you’re also thinking about which man is easier to seduce and which is more attractive?!”

“uh— you’re the one asking first!”

“still! so you do think about them! about weaker, lesser men who are not me!”

“nanami is not—!”

“hoh?! so it’s nanami, huh!?”

“don’t you dare to start anything, gojo satoru,” you hissed. “you said my taste in men is bad. so that includes you too.”

“wha?!”

#𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠 #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #jjk drabbles #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jjk imagines #jjk x you #jjk fanfic #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo satoru #satoru gojo x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #gojo x you #gojo fluff #gojo satoru imagines #jjk fluff #gojo satoru fluff #satoru gojo fluff #jjk gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jutusu kaisen x reader #satoru x reader #satoru gojo x you #satoru gojo

[babocka]

Tag drop: General. Some of these may be subject to change, but for now, pretty happy!

#[ ooc. ] i'm gonna go paint the wall. i have to finish fifteen walls today. sigh. #[ ic. ] we tell them “things will be better tomorrow.” everyone knows it's a lie; but it gets them to sleep with some hope. #[ answered: ooc. ] pfft no way; telepathy ain't real! ... wait a minute. you're not actually trying to read my mind; are you? #[ answered: ic. ] that's not the only thing you won't have heard of down here; princess. #[ psa. ] even if you've completely forgotten our promise. then i'll just have to knock you out and bring you back myself! #[ saved. ] unlike you; my memories from when i was little are crystal clear. #[ prompts / memes. ] fine. i'll play along. but it's only because i'm not busy today. #[ crack. ] If any disagreement arises between us. i don't care if we're fighting or arguing. you must come confront me in person. #[ salt. ] arguing through text? isn't that unfulfilling? might as well fight again in person. just quickly clear the air; end the conflict. #[ et cetera. ] hmph. i'm no good at consoling. but i can hit you on the head a few times. no problem. #[ self promotion. ] wear this red scarf; and then we shall share each other's pain. we are family. we are wildfire. #[ promotion. ] nah; i could've taken it on by myself. but still... fighting alongside you two was pretty fun. #[ visage. ] to all those thugs and gangsters in the underworld; i'm like a spectre always haunting them. #[ meta. ] oleg gave me the name. he said that it meant “soul” in ancient belobogian. #[ mini study. ] we may live underground; but we won't be buried by this city. #[ essence. ] she got used to people losing their homes. and she got used to people losing their lives. but crying alone was useless.

[byakugoseal]

tag dump: broken & updated tags part ii

#✖character study║she wore her troubled past like scars / she had been through battle & came out alive #✖headcanon║i know the parts of myself that I've hated & i can't tell which ones are mine & which i created #✖dash commentary║beautiful words take revenge against you / quiet meanings make you bleed #✖dash games║i may not have amazing weapons like a puppet in me but what i do have is my master's contempt for losing! #✖self promo║she dragged herself through the flames brushed off the pain & picked herself up to fight every battle before her #✖promo║when blood hits the battleground will you fight or will you fall? #✖saved║i am constantly haunted by someone still alive & by the memories i can’t seem to bury #✖wishlist║there is probably no reason to honor the promise from long ago #✖submitted post║seems the stars in the heavens have no answers #✖answered║a language dies without guttural cries // a story dies then de-composes // a myth #morgs tag dump #✖anonymous inquires║darkness blankets me & the moon offers me its paltry alms of light i choke with gratitude & i cannot speak #✖mobile post║i am too soft still for this world – snapping in half at a pretty word #✖queue║away on a mission #✖scheduled post║i hope saying goodnight doesn’t mean saying goodbye #✖open starter║throw yourself to the wolves & you will learn of the tenderness in their howl & the loyalty in their blood #✖ic║i've always considered myself to be a true ninja...but those were just empty words #✖sakura║may the rage in my head encounter the pain my heart feels #✖ino║a flower blooming on the battlefield #✖sasuke║another knife in my hands / a stain that never comes off #✖naruto║warrior child you were born with legends breathing inside your name & history books waiting to trace your footsteps #✖lady tsunade║how does the earth not crumble beneath our feet? & how does atlas bear it? #✖sai║with ink-stained dreams & a star-soaked heart #✖shikamaru║through sorrow you became stronger #✖kakashi║you were so brave & quiet // they forget you were suffering #✖kisame║bone soldered by coral to bone mosaics mantled by the benediction of the shark’s shadow #✖itachi║there are so many things i wish i could say but i know the hurt has already been done #✖sasori║there is nothing more frightening than a man who has torn his own self apart #✖cross over║i too have been losing my gentleness / since the first young wound #✖unknown verse║the crow has flown away: swaying in the evening sun a leafless tree