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#that was so devastating and I mean specifically for her as someone who clearly values consent a shit ton

cosmicjoke · 3 years

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Ugh, okay, chapter 81 of AoT, and I’m in the corner cryin’.

But seriously, what an emotionally powerful chapter this was. God man, it’s gonna’ take me a minute to get my thoughts in order.

Well, first of all, Erwin, and all of the recruits, watching them sacrifice their lives here was just so absolutely, emotionally powerful. Just incredibly moving and heartbreaking. Even after Erwin gets hit and falls, (and the panels here of him dying are truly devastating, powerful images) to see the recruits continuing to charge forward, to carry on in his stead, it really is just so intense, and as well speaks to Erwin’s own power as a commander, how he was able to inspire these people into giving their lives for a greater cause. To see their courage in the face of certain death, carrying on Erwin’s spirt here, it truly was one of the most moving, and also one of the most heart-wrenching moments in SnK up to this point. I felt so much for all of them. The way Marlowe thought of Hitch too, in the end, never realizing it was because he was in love with her, ugh, my heart.

Now contrasting that, and I swear to Christ, I really, REALLY don’t understand how anyone can sympathize with Zeke given the sick display he puts on here, his cruelty and ego-driven rage towards these young men and women, and how he lets his rage towards his father fuel his violence towards these innocent people just... it pisses me off so much. I can’t even. I mean, Zeke is one twisted, sick mother fucker. He’s demented, truly, the way he swings wildly between violent rage and perverse glee as he kills them, and then has the unmitigated gall to act like he feels sorry for these people, how clearly he thinks of them as pitiful and pathetic, their sacrifice as meaningless. He treats them like their lives are pointless, and then has the nerve to play at sympathy for their plight. What pisses me off the most about Zeke is how utterly self-centered he is. How everything he does, everything he thinks, is filtered through his own view of the world and life, and how he never once stops to consider the lives of others, their own views or experiences. Because he’s deemed his own life as worthless and without point, so too has he deemed the lives of every other Eldian. He’s far and away the most self-centered, ego-driven and selfish character in the whole series. Oh, he just made me sick here. His own hypocrisy is equally disgusting, with how angry he becomes when Levi dares to make him pay for what he’s done. As if he can’t believe anyone would dare cause him harm, unable to comprehend why they would even wish to do so, as if he’s some great, godly figure sent to the world to bestow his twisted sense of mercy on those he deems unfit to live. Just the whining, hysterical reaction he has to getting fucked up. The ego on this guy is seemingly infinite. He truly is despicable. Just a pathetic child of a man taking out his issues on everyone but himself, throwing temper tantrums when anyone dares to challenge him on what he’s decided is right. Fuck Zeke. Seriously, just... fuck this guy so much.

Now, enough about him, let’s talk about Levi.

Truly, some of the most heartbreaking moments we’ve seen with Levi up to this point happen in this chapter. The moments following him taking Zeke down (and yes, that whole sequence was epically bad-ass), just seeing the depth of Levi’s pain here was so devastating, and incredibly moving. You can see how preoccupied he is with what’s happened. Zeke isn’t even his main consideration or concern. He seems almost distracted, looking back behind him, out over the field of his fallen comrades and friends, and wondering in an almost frantic, inner monologue to himself if anyone out there is still alive. He’s hoping beyond hope that someone, ANYONE, is, so that he can save at least one person. This goes back to Levi’s determination to keep the new recruits alive back in I think chapter 78 or 79, ordering them not to die, and then trying desperately to get those with the horses back on the other side of the wall. It really puts into perspective just how devastating this is for Levi, to see all of these people, dead, crushed to death by rocks, all of these people who just a short while ago he had been doing everything he could to protect. To know they had to die to save only a few. HIs desperation here, the way he clings to the hope that at least one person is still alive, out of all of them, to be saved, the way he reminds himself that as long as they’re breathing, it can be done, if he gives them the serum, it all just drives home in the most poignant way just how pained Levi is at the sacrifice they’ve all made. It drives home how much it’s cost Levi, to allow them to do it. I said before that him making that choice for Erwin was Levi going against every, innate feeling and instinct that he has, the need to protect and save people. Levi had to go directly against his own nature in order to make that call, and the consequences of that are plain to see in these panels. His wide eyed, shocked expression, the frantic, mantra-like thoughts going through his mind, almost childlike in the way he keeps asking if anyone is still alive out there, if there’s anyone he can bring back. And the way he thinks of Erwin specifically when he asks that, it serves as such a cruel reminder that Levi’s just given up one of his dearest and closest friends. That he’s just willingly lost a person that meant so much to him, in order to obtain any sort of victory for humanity. It reminds us of the personal cost to Levi. Another person he’s lost in this battle for humanity’s salvation. Ah, he just breaks my heart so much here. And also how it’s that hope, that desperate wish that someone is still able to be saved, that stays Levi’s hand from killing Zeke immediately. How it’s purely Levi’s wish to save someone that keeps him from killing Zeke then and there, it truly speaks volumes about what kind of person Levi really is, about how much he values life.

And then of course there’s Levi’s reaction when Pieke catches him off guard and steals Zeke away. Levi’s stunned horror, as he watches Zeke escaping is, for one, I think, because his chance to save even one life is being taken away, there before his eyes, and, of course, because the purpose behind all of his comrades sacrifices, the reason they gave up their lives, in order for Levi to kill Zeke and provide those left a means of escape, is being rendered meaningless. We then see Levi’s stunned horror turn to unbridled rage, as he realizes the promise he’d made to Erwin is slipping from his hands. He can’t allow for all of these people to have died in vain, he can’t let their sacrifices mean nothing, he can’t let that stand. Once again, the depth with which Levi values the lives of other people is truly incredible, and the emotion in these panels is perhaps the most powerful example of that quality in Levi up to this point in the story. I just felt so much for him all throughout this.

When you think about what Levi’s been through here, too, how before he even went after the Beast Titan, he’d already run himself ragged taking down some unknown number of smaller Titans to protect the horses and the new recruits, and then in order to get to Zeke, he had to take down probably a dozen or more 12 or 15 meter Titans, before finally taking the Beast Titan down, all this by himself, it displays the strength of Levi’s will so powerfully, how much of himself he’s willing to give in order to further the cause of others. For him to then continue to go after Zeke, after all of that, just the way he never gives up, never stops fighting, exemplifies how wholly Levi truly embodies the ideal of the Survey Corps, and the fight for humanity. What an absolute hero he is.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #Levi Ackerman #Erwin Smith #zeke yaeger #meta #snk 81 #thoughts

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bookwyrminspiration · 3 years

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Idk if you addressed this already but: Fitz is an asshole.

I'm rereading the books and he is horrible to Sophie! He blamed her when Alden's mind broke, got really upset that Sophie wouldn't tell him that Oralie was her mom and broke up with her because of it... I might forgetting some things (I'm rereading really slow and am only at the beginning of Exile...) but that's most of what I remember

And he also chose to ignore when Sophie was calling for help when she was kidnapped so...

Also they're kind of weird? Sophie and Dex could've stayed at that cafe (where there a lot of people and they definitely wouldn't be attracted again) until she got her strength back to contact literally anyone or maybe wait until morning to look for that lantern?

I really liked the series when I first read it but now I'm noticing some weird stuff here...

i've definitely talked about Fitz before, but it's been a while so I don't remember what i've said either, nonsie! Also: apologies for the delay, got a little sidetracked with a few others things before getting to this ask

I will preface this by saying I have a more positive opinion of him, which will affect what I say. I do entirely respect your position and interpretation of his character despite having a different opinion of him. For me, it's less that Fitz is an asshole and more that he's a person and doesn't know what he's doing. He's not intentionally hurting the people around him and refusing to change--in Legacy he told Sophie that he was working on his anger and the way he reacted to things.

that's not to say that the way he treated Sophie was okay, blaming her for Alden's mind break and trying to get information from her she'd clearly stated she didn't want to share and had asked him to leave alone.

I will say for me that it feels almost unfair to judge Fitz's values based on frantic, chaotic decisions he did during one of the most emotionally challenging and turbulent times of his life. When Alden's mind broke he was devastated and it was a very low point in his life--same for Biana, although in a different way--so I like to also look at how he behaves when he's composed and rational.

I do entirely agree with you about his demanding of information about Sophie's mom being unfair an uncalled for. I can understand why he did it (i think i've talked about that before but if not I'd be happy to do so!), but just because it makes sense to me why he did it doesn't mean it was appropriate or right. Sophie made it very clear that was information she didn't want to share and he just kept pushing--those scenes were so uncomfortable to read because it was like he had this idea that the one piece of information she was keeping from him would fix everything and he was desperate to have it, idolizing it. it felt like for a moment he was prioritizing their relationship in the view of the public over her very real thoughts and feelings about it privately

also i think it's interesting that we as a fandom have two main "complaints" (unsure what else to call them) when it comes to Fitz: he got angry at sophie over something she couldn't control, and he often pushes/tests her boundaries. The first of which--the anger--had a major moment in the plot (alden's mind break) that he later went on to directly correct. The second--the thing with oralie and wanting information she didn't want to share--has happened but hadn't been resolved/learned from. We have another book(s) coming, so I wonder if he'll learn directly from their break-up and realize he's been testing Sophie's boundaries and address that directly too. he learns from his mistakes, so I would expect that this would be an opportunity for him to step back and figure out where he messed up here (not that he's the only one who's capable of wrongs).

but moving on! i will say ignoring her when she was presumed dead and had an entire funeral does feel more like he was grieving and thought he was imagining her voice over just being rude and ignoring her. everyone straight up thought she'd drowned and things like what happened to Sophie and Dex were unheard of until that point. i don't think it even crossed his mind that they could still be alive somewhere. Him ignoring her was also convenient for the plot because it left Sophie and Dex stranded, so it's possible that part was pushed a little more specifically so the later Neverseen interactions could happen.

also, you're completely right! there are so many different and smarter ways Sophie and Dex could've handled that situation, and it can be infuriating from a reader perspective--especially when you're someone like me who operates almost entirely on facts and logic and reasonble deductions--to see characters charge in almost blindly without taking stock of their situation. I think maybe things played out the way that they did specifically because sophie couldn't reach anyone, even if she'd been at her best. the only times she did manage to contact fitz were in pure desperation--while she was being tortured and while she was fading. otherwise she couldn't reach out--the transmission she sent out when on the bridge with the neverseen didn't actually get to anyone, it was only noted that it was really loud.

so as far as the two of them were concerned, they were completely on their own and no one would ever come for them, meaning they had to get back themselves. and they wanted to do that sooner rather than later. and that's how they ended up wandering paris by themselves--and their plan would've worked had the Neverseen not shown up and the most inconvenient time possible, which wasn't exactly something they could plan for in the same way

you brought up a lot of good points and topics on both fitz's character and the whole kidnapping situation, so thank you for giving me a chance to talk about it! I know i was a little biased going in with a slight fondness for Fitz--I don't idolize any of the characters but I do have neutral/positive thoughts about most of them--so it's really refreshing to hear another perspective. To clarify: i'm not trying to change your mind or tell you you're wrong in any way! you just inspired a few thoughts related to the topic and I wanted to talk about them. Hopefully I didn't sound dismissive or condescending in any way, as that was absolutely not my intention. But thank you for the ask!

#i know Fitz's character is kind of a hot topic at the moment #what with the disastrous end to the relationship that Sophie and Fitz haven't really talked out entirely and worked through #and there's more content coming #so i'm sure his development isn't over #but i tried to be respectful and just share some of my thoughts based on what you said!#don't know if i achieved that but that was my goal #fitz can make some shitty emotionally driven impulse decisions sometimes #but I do think he's more than that #if that makes sense #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc fitz #fitz vacker #kotlc character analysis #quil's queries #nonsie #anonymous #long post #tw swearing

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sepublic · 4 years

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King’s encouragement to Luz

All right, but another thing I very much appreciate about Really Small Problems is… I think King is the first person to actively, openly tell Luz how much he likes her, and how much she means to him???

I could be wrong. But throughout the show up until then, I don’t think we really ever have such a bold, blunt statement from anyone else; And obviously, actions speak a lot louder in words in their own way. Eda acts all cool and stand-offish, but clearly Luz means the world to her… And obviously Willow and Gus freaking LOVE Luz, even if they don’t say it outright!

But I think King is the first person to tell Luz how much she means to him… To basically tell her that she means THE WORLD to him, that his relationship with her isn’t just some side-hobby or a lesser enjoyment; It’s legit one of the things that makes his entire world and existence! That he really WOULD give up a lot for her, that Luz actively takes priority in his life instead of being another friendship on the side!

Keep in mind; Aside from Camila, who’s her own mother anyway… I think Luz never really got this sort of open affection from someone, prior to the Boiling Isles? She didn’t even have any real friends, and this kind of loneliness and rejection for being ‘weird’ definitely impacted her… It’s definitely led to Luz being someone who will do so much and everything for others, but never expecting the same back; Not JUST because she’s selfless and unconditional… But also because she doesn’t expect other people to like her, at least not that much! Subconsciously, without meaning to, I think Luz sees herself as a ‘second choice’ when it comes to friendship… That most people only hang out with her because they have no other option!

(And THAT parallels how I low-key saw Eda viewing her relationship with Luz, up until the girl stuck around after learning of the curse, but I digress.)

Luz doesn’t expect other people to hold her THAT high in regard, as having THAT much priority in their lives… Because no one else did. Even her own mother, who DID mean well, ultimately spoke with her actions when sending Luz to that Reality Camp; That she doesn’t unconditionally love Luz for who she is, that she holds the approval of society in higher regard and THAT means more to her… And while Camila never intended to say this and she’s obviously in an unenviable position, from Luz’s perspective this is still a devastating thing to go through.

I think Luz low-key saw herself as someone who may have even burdened her mother with her presence; And even if Camila never felt that, Luz is still a child who’s reasonably insecure. Maybe Luz felt the need to be more ‘accommodating’ to others, in the hopes that she wouldn’t turn them away; That she can’t openly vouch for what SHE wants, because she can’t be greedy in life, she doesn’t actually mean THAT much to people, and them hanging around her is already showing a lot of grace as-is! Luz probably thought she should just be grateful to have companionship at all to begin with; Especially since it was such a rare commodity back home.

So there’s this implicit idea and expectation of herself to do what others say, what others expect of you… Because they’re already sacrificing a lot just hanging around someone as annoying and inconvenient as you. Don’t ask for too much, just be a grateful, accommodating child/friend… Do what you can to make up for the kindness of people who go out of their way to hang out with someone like you, because clearly that’s a detriment and not something they actively do for their own enjoyment! And even if they DO do it for their enjoyment, Luz still isn’t that special to them…!

And that might also tie into Luz’s obliviousness to Amity’s crush, as secretly, deep-down to an extent that not even SHE is aware of it… I think Luz sees herself as someone unlovable, as someone who has to justify people’s enjoyment of her, make herself ‘worth it’ to them! That others’ friendship to her is a pure gift, in the sense that they’re not getting much else from Luz herself, because obviously Luz doesn’t have a lot to offer that others don’t already do. She really undersells her own worth and how much she can mean to others… It leads to Luz wanting the best for others, but without really considering what SHE wants, or HER placement in their life, because it’s all about THEM as her childhood taught her! Some people are probably better off without her, without Luz actively hindering or dragging them down…

That leads to Really Small Problems. King shrinks her friends, Willow and Gus? CLEARLY it means King is doing this out of spite because he actively dislikes them and/or is being selfish… Because Luz never considers that she really means this much to King, that she means SO much that King prioritizes his friendship with her over all others! Obviously, I’m not saying love should be ‘ranked’ or put into a hierarchy, with some friendships held over others…

And, it’s low-key this mentality that leads to King even indulging in the accidental effects of Tibbles (sorry, Obvioso’s) potion. But the fact that he even values Luz this much, to do this sort of thing, to cut off any other possible relationship because he holds her in THAT high of a regard… It tells Luz that she’s someone whose presence is actively enjoyable, that being with her IS the gift that she keeps on giving! Luz doesn’t have to justify or make up for who she is, because being with Luz is what people actively desire; Moreso than a lot of other things, in fact!

Not to mention, it’s a brilliant call-back to Sense and Insensitivity, another King-centric episode! In that episode, Luz tells King at the end that HE means a lot to her, that being with him is one of the best parts of her adventure in the Boiling Isles… But she never expects him to say the same to her, not because she thinks King is a bad person, but because she really doesn’t value what she has to give or offer, as someone who probably has messed up a lot and requires a lot of patience to be around? Luz likely sees herself as a draining friend, that after a short while someone has enough of her and then has to go off and do literally anything else… She doesn’t realize that she’s someone who gives enjoyment, that she isn’t just tolerated but loved! Luz learns from King in Really Small Problems that his specific relationship with her means something to special to him, that it’s not just replacable and interchangeable, and he’d actively sabotage his other potential friendships for it!

And obviously, THAT last part is a bad thing; But King also acknowledges this as well, as part of his character development of course! Obviously King doing this because he truly loves and values Luz doesn’t excuse it… In the same way that Camila loving Luz, or Lilith loving Eda, doesn’t excuse what they did. But King at least makes the effort to be honest about his love, about where he DID go wrong, and then change it… And obviously it helps that the situation became life-threatening and thus pressured him to do this, a lot more quickly for him (within the span of a night) than for Lilith (who had decades before Belos threatened to execute her).

But in the end, I should mention that King doesn’t just act like him doing this because he loves Luz that much automatically excuses it; From his perspective, that was never in question, it was about allowing Willow and Gus to be friends with Luz that needed to be acknowledge! But from Luz’s perspective… It better helps her understand WHY King did what he did, while also enhancing how meaningful it is for King to actively apologize and make up for his mistakes. Just knowing she means this much to him helps Luz realize that she IS worth loving, that she’s lovable… And that in turn makes her so much happier and confident as a person!

That people would WANT to be with Luz… that they’d actively choose her over ‘better’ options, just as Luz and King chose to hang with Eda even after the curse, because even though that arguably made her dangerous and a liability… Eda just meant that much to them! Luz isn’t to King his ‘least painful’ option, she’s the one he loves and cares for most! King making it clear that Luz is one of the best things about his life, is a brilliant call-back and tie-in to Luz doing the same back in Sense and Insensitivity… Because now BOTH of them realize how much they mean to one another, and how much it says that they’re good, lovable people who have a lot to offer and don’t need to actively justify their existence or companionship with others! Just being with these two is already enough…

Why else would Eda hang around, after all? King may have understood this, although I think Luz potentially had some doubts because she didn’t want to set herself up for disappointment… Eda always being rather closed-off and tsundere when it comes to showing affection possibly contributed, amidst her not being one for blatantly-open gestures of affection. But also, maybe Luz was low-key afraid that Eda was merely tolerating her… Because Eda had the power in the Owl House here. Luz and King chose Eda and that means a lot because they could’ve had ‘other options’, but it’s not like Eda has anyone else to choose from between Luz and King…

Well besides Lilith, but Luz mostly knows that Eda’s dislike of the Coven System is keeping them from reuniting, like Lilith she doesn’t fully understand that there’s more to the divide than just that. Plus, Lilith actively rejected Eda’s lifestyle, so it’s not like she’s an ‘option’ for Eda… Eda bears with Luz and King, because who else does she have? And while King may or may not have such doubts, perhaps Luz was afraid that Eda’s love for her was also conditional… Hence why she felt like she ‘owed’ Eda and thus had to risk her life to get the Healing Hat, just to pay her back for all of the other gracious things she did! Because Luz didn’t realize that just being with the girl was already ‘payment’ enough for Eda.

And THAT ties into another meta/analyses post I made, about how Eda made sure to remind Luz when they reunited in YBOS about how much the girl means to her, that Luz doesn’t owe her anything and that Eda’s decisions are her own, not necessarily as a begrudgingly-obligated reaction to Luz’s mistakes or whatever… Actions speak a lot louder than words, usually, as shown with how Eda clearly loved Luz even before she outright said it; But let’s be real here, words also certainly do a lot to help, especially to tie off the previous actions that people do for one another out of love! By the end of Season 1, Luz fully affirms her relationships with King and Eda respectively, and vice-versa; That they really mean THAT much to one another, and would give the world for each other…

That each would sacrifice a lot, just for the sake of being with the other, or even seeing the other be happy with or without them; Which ties into how King was willing to risk his life to fix his mistakes in Really Small Problems, outright saying he was fine with losing Luz’s friendship (either by dying or through rejection), because at least Luz would be happy! And it’s this kind of selfless, unconditional love that they show for one another… Not just to enjoy the other, but to let the other enjoy themselves as their own individual, regardless of whether or not Luz/King/Eda is with them to benefit from their presence!

It’s a beautiful kind of love… That not only is just being with YOU the end-goal and reward for me; But you mean so much to me, that I just want you to be happy, regardless of whether or not I’m there to enjoy you or not! I love you to an extent where it’s no longer about what you do to make me happy, it’s about just seeing you be happy… It’s about you, not me! And it means so muchto Luz, Eda, and King to hear this from one another. It does so much to affirm their confidence and self-esteem in themselves as people who are worth loving, as people who aren’t inherently screw-ups, and as people who can continue to make their own decisions and relationships on their own, as their own worthwhile individuals! It tells each of them that they’re perfectly valid in loving themselves…

TL;DR Really Small Problems is actually a very underrated episode; As-is King and the surprising amount of depth and growth to his character! I would even argue that it’s the culmination of his growth in Season 1! Obviously Enchanting Grom Fright and King’s reconciliation with Gus helps to cap off this development as an addendum, while subsequent episodes have King as either a minor character, or in the case of the Season Finale, affirming the growth he’s had… Regardless, it’s an episode that actually means a lot for King, and like him it deserves a lot more appreciation as being more than just ‘enjoyable’, or cute and funny, but actually meaningful as well!

#the owl house #owl house #the owl house king #the owl house luz #luz noceda #the owl house eda #edalyn clawthorne #meta

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ilikelookingatthings · 3 years

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Akatsuki No Yona’s new villian

oh look.. his villian is........you know what I’ll wait to see how this goes and at least we see someone actively very resentful of the pain of the disease and losing their loved ones.....but how did she even realize soo-won was a relative? the fact that his mom is related to the dragon king was a secret that no one else knew right? did her parents leave and knew of the mom? because if these relatives had long since left even before yu-hon arrived than how would she know soo-won was connected to her relative?

I could see it if she assumed he was the reincarnation due to the dragons appearing...but as soon as yona was revealed wouldn’t she have realized there wasn’t a connection?

or assume she was wrong? even yon-hi assumed that a justification would be in the reincarnation was born into their family and was devastated feeling like there was no point once finding and losing a potential meaning in one go.

Though it certainly explains her hostility toward yona....is she going to be a foil? after all she has the backstory of the dragon illness and dead parents. the resentment of only being able to borrow power as a concubine...probably to a old guy unless her trying to flatter soo-won was all a ploy to get close. though its very bold of her to assume soo-wn i also affected when not everyone in their family gets affected.

It has a certain metaness since I think there are a section of fans who get irritated with yona having the dragons and Hak and having good things like she doesn’t deserve it. and some ladys put other girls down. and she is using soo-won who she has supposedly decided to see herself in as a way to battle yona who she resents for having the dragons.

She is definitely pretty confident.....but how the hell did she get this far when she has the tact of a hammer? she knows that her kingdom is framing yona and that this assignation was staged to start a war.

I honestlywish he had a opinion on the king Il or yu-hon or even junam. but people project on alot of things.

We’ve seen crazy in golbi and how yon-hi reacted to yona with a feeling of despair and unfarness like a meaning was snatched awat eventhough uptil then she hadn’t really believed in a meaning and they weren’t specifically waiting for a reincarnation like the dragon villages.

though we HAVE seen this kingdom of hers is very arrogant and large. and she has enough clout she can punch people. she is consistent with the people we’ve seen from there and their level of tact. honestly I was thinking she might be connected to that sister of kulbo’s who might have died in someway. we’ve seen so far th ladys rather content with their lots in life...I wonder if we’ll get to see how unpleasant things can be for ladys trying to get power and to survive and having to rely on guys back in the day.

though we know soo-won does actually care about yona and yona is a actual relative by blood who is much closer to him. its definitely risking with one person having died and this lady knowing his secret....they can’t just kill her off right? so him saying yep clearly shows he really is going to play her like a fiddle. we know soo-won doesn’t actually give a crumb about dragons and gods.

though even if she lies he can get info by what they want him to think. though her wanting HAK.....oooh this could be fun XD

imagine soo-won sending Hak to kai to just beat everyone from the inside XD

though anyone else bumbled out realizing that the dragons and yona probably can’t go in depth to other kingdoms for long? even the places they been out of the country or more border places.

I hope Yona can clearly tell Soo-won is playing the other girl like a fiddle. We’ll see if she can impress me...but so far she isn’t really scary as a threat outside of the fact she knows about the illness and the countries are on the brink of war and they can’t kill her.

honestly I hope Yona rolls her eyes. its not like she asked to be born. she just so happened to share the soul of a dragon. she asked and the dragons came to help. if they want to change their minds they can. she isn’t responsible for this girl or soo-won’s suffering. and the only reason she met the dragons was soo-won drove her out.

honestly I can’t tell if I should take her at face value or if she is lying and pretending out her but right now.

thoughmaybe I read a bad translation and he isn’t going to go along with this girl?

#akatsuki no yona chapter 203 #akatsuki no yona #yona #soo-won #dragons #kye-sook

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mylordshesacactus · 4 years

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The Legend Of No I’m Still Not Done With This Nonsense

The last post kind of went balls to the wall on the Black Lotus rescue which is fair and valid because he’s a very good boy but I HAVE actually had other thoughts.

I recommend opening this post in a new tab because the dashboard eats nested bullet points now. Fun and functional webbed site.

Anyway so, some thoughts on our Avatar’s continued adventures.

I said in the last post that Book One ends with her and her new waterbender friend fleeing the Northern Water Tribe because she’s not ready yet to like, Come Out As The Avatar without any time to prepare or even knowing whether her family might be killed or hurt because of that decision.

Regardless, that’s not just...a thing you can do, when you don’t actually have Appa or a girlfriend who owns an airship company in your back pocket.

Hero and her new history nerd healer buddy really just have to gtfo of the spirit oasis without being connected to the intrusion, which isn’t easy but they’re not like, being hunted afterward.

There’s probably a fun bit of filler where her eyes or Red’s markings or both keep inconveniently glowing while they’re trying to get somewhere unsuspicious. This IS Avatar after all, we gotta get in some humor as well.

I actually think it’s very likely that they don’t get away with it; I don’t want this to be an ATLA-style ‘the hero is running from [the fire nation/conspirators/etc/” for the most part. I think they’re ID’d by waterbending masters and afterward Our Hero is overwhelmed and Healer Buddy is like “hey, do you want to....leave?”

Side note: Our Hero’s nerdy water tribe buddy who trained specifically as a healer? He will never use his waterbending in combat. He’s a specialist. It’s very possible that he’ll use some technique that’s technically “combat,” like an ice wall, to defend the group--but he will never use it as an offensive weapon.

This is never made into a ‘thing’. It’s just never questioned. There’s no big Ethical Statement, he never has to tell Our Hero that he refuses to use his bending as a weapon, it’s just....not something he does, and not something he’s ever asked to do.

Anyway. For whatever reason, they are trying to ever-so-casually skedaddle out of the Northern Water Tribe. Our Hero briefly, uncomfortably expresses guilt--isn’t she, you know, supposed to....is she gonna doom the world if she doesn’t “master waterbending” or whatever? Healer Buddy points out that water is fire’s natural opposite--and she doesn’t have to master it before she’s ready. Whereas air and fire are natural companions. If she wants to master something, it’d make more sense to learn airbending and strengthen her earthbending before she tries to tackle water.

He does offer to try to teach her some healing as they travel though, and she agrees because it sounds like a valuable ability.

Healer Buddy uses some of his savings to get them passage--legally, this time--on a ship headed to the Earth Kingdom.

Our Hero, briefly, freezes.

She KNOWS they can’t go back to the Fire Nation. She knew they weren’t planning to. But--her baby sister is back there.

Healer Buddy can tell she wants to be alone and goes to talk with the captain of the ship to see if there’s any fees associated with [name] the rhino. While he’s gone, an Air Nomad woman approaches Our Hero where she’s having a minor anxiety attack at the railing. She’s a young mother, maybe ten years older than Our Hero, has a few kids running around.

“I...left my baby sister in the Fire Nation. And my partner. I had to, they understood, but I promised I’d come back for them when I could, and...I just don’t like the feeling that I’m getting further and further away from them.”

They bond. Air Mom (who is not a bender, though one of her kids might be) can tell there’s a lot going on for this kid and they talk. Normally they’d be taking the family bison back from the NWT, but they realized the bison’s sick or pregnant and a long flight wouldn’t be good for her, so here they are.

In a good portion of this season there’ll be a running background plot that I haven’t entirely worked out. It starts out looking VERY ominous; maybe that Air Mom, or someone else, sold them out. A shadowy room, an unseen figure, and someone who may or may not have seen something they shouldn’t saying something to the effect of “I know something that may be of GREAT interest to you” etc.

Regardless, what actually happens is that a whole network of people--for maximum emotional devastation, a whole string of contacts who’ve been helped by Our Hero in the past, a string possibly including the Firelord whose son has by now been revealed as a sham--coordinate to safely evacuate her family to the Western Air Temple to meet her there.

Air Mom would have sent her oldest son off to start this chain of events early in the season--subtly, so as not to attract Hero’s attention.

The point is, when Our Hero arrives in the air temple, the audience knows that something happened to her family but we don’t. It’s very possible that the last we saw of them, the actual Firelord had just shown up at the girlfriend’s door in the middle of the night. If so--the two of them run out to greet Hero when she shows up, it’s beautiful, and then the Firelord bows to her and we get the reveal that he’d been trying desperately to find and protect the real Avatar after his treacherous son fled, to protect her, etc. It’s great.

Our Hero, who revealed herself to Air Mom eventually (since “the known Avatar was a fake” isn’t a secret anymore it wasn’t life-threatening but like, old habits) has been trying to learn airbending. Air Mom acknowledges that she’s not a bender, but she can tell her what all Air Nomads know about their element, if it helps.

A recurring theme--every time Our Hero tries to airbend, she firebends instead. It’s not aggression. It’s fear. The fact that she’s afraid--terrified for the safety of her family, who she can’t contact while they’re in the Fire Nation for fear of getting them killed--prevents her from releasing enough tension to airbend.

It’s the same reason she can’t waterbend even though Healer Buddy’s trying to teach her--you can’t really CONTROL water, only direct its own natural ebb and flow. And giving up any control, her whole life, means she and everyone she loves will die.

Air Mom finally, gently tells her, while watching Baby Sister play with her own kids at the Air Temple, that she had her childhood stolen. Maybe it won’t help you airbend...but, it wouldn’t hurt you to learn how to have fun again.

Hero goes down to join a game of airball. For the first SEVERAL minutes she’s just playing like a nonbender, ie, badly--but good-natured about it, relaxing as she makes a fool out of herself. Visibly growing lighter inside. Eventually laughing--and eventually, without thinking about it, airbending.

The last thing I’m certain of: She has never, in all of this, accessed the Avatar State.

Think about it--it’s the same reason she can’t waterbend. She was a firebender who was pretending not to be. If she lost her temper, if she lost control, if she got in over her head and allowed herself to tap into some additional power...

That was not an option.

So she has never accessed the Avatar State, and she’s never managed to waterbend more than maybe enhancing a few waves.

Someone gets hurt.

I don’t actually think it’s the sister, it’s definitely not the girlfriend. It’s probably one of the air nomad kids. I’m not sure under what circumstances--if the reunion with her family is the midseason special, this would be the season finale.

Therefore, probably this is the confrontation with the Firelord’s son, because I don’t want that to be the FINAL final challenge for our young Avatar. He’s clearly still after her with his little group of conspirators, etc, and there were casualties in the crossfire despite everyone’s best efforts.

Healer Buddy, the only one with a chance, does his best--but it’s not going to work, the kid’s dying. Waterbending can only accelerate the healing the body can perform naturally, and....Hero, there’s no natural healing from this. There’s nothing. No Waterbender in the world could heal this, and I’m not even a Master.

No Waterbender in the world could heal this--but the Avatar might have a chance.

She doesn’t know how to waterbend, you can’t get these people’s hopes up--I’m not a healer, I’m not a real Avatar!

Yes, you are.

The first time she channels the Avatar State--a spiritual binding with Avatars past, intended for moments of intense danger--it’s not out of anger, or a desire for destruction. A moment of absolute desperation--but not for herself.

It’s a moment of peace. For the first time, the very first time--she’s recognizing value and power in herself as well as others.

There’s probably an achingly soft rendition of the Avatar Theme playing over this moment ngl.

Giving me feelings bro.

#atla thing

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disasterhumans · 5 years

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This post originally started out as a reply, of sorts, to tags made by @theregoesmylurkerstatus on this post

#its very interesting to me honestly #he's still so closed off after all this time #its almost like one if the Nein betrayed him he wouldn't be that hurt? #no 'why's or 'how could you's #just immediate survival kicking in #hardening himself towards it #i think the only betrayal that would cut through that and into shock would be jester

But, as is often the case with things like this, I got carried away, and it just seemed to make more sense to make this a standalone post.

Fjord is, in some ways, a contradiction in terms. While all of the Nein love and value each other to varying degrees, I think it’s fair to say that Fjord is the person who values loyalty and community as ideals the most. He has a history of systemic abuse and bullying, but also a history of working as a part of a crew. I think Fjord had a lot of complicated—and perhaps contradictory—feelings about his life as a sailor, but by and large he seems to remember it more fondly than, say, Beau does her time at the Cobalt Soul. All of the Mighty Nein have had pasts marked by loneliness, but Fjord is the only person who found a community (of sorts) in the aftermath of that loneliness that wasn’t the Mighty Nein. So he knows what it is and he holds it dear.

We don’t know what Fjord was like as a sailor. From what Fjord’s said of that portion of his life, it seems like he didn’t have any particularly close bonds aside from Vandran. But that doesn’t really mean he wasn’t slightly more open then than he is with the Mighty Nein now. It feels like we might still be missing some specifics about his relationship with Sabien—maybe in spite of their early childhood antagonistic relationship, Fjord actually tried to open up and become friends with Sabien. Maybe he truly grew to trust him. Maybe he truly cared for him. And then Sabien went and destroyed the stability that Fjord had come to rely on (that stability seems to be the thing Fjord liked most about being a sailor), and also literally killed him.

And then Fjord washes up on shore with a falchion, new powers, and weird dreams.

And the next person he meets is Jester. Who is the only person of the entire group who is—and who has always been—an entirely open book. It’s been heavily implied that Jester and Fjord both know most—if not all of—each other’s backstories. And I think half the reason Fjord was able to open up to Jester (aside from her being generally pleasant and supportive), is because she probably opened up to him first. And because she so clearly has nothing to hide except her sadness. Fjord’s not good at reading people, so someone who is so open and genuine feels safe. And there’s also the fact that she’s the first person he met after his entire life changed. As Liam’s talked about re: Caleb sharing his background: it’s likely that at least part of the reason that Fjord shared his past with Jester is because he needed the catharsis.

There’s also Beau, who tends to answer people’s questions about her fairly straightforwardly, especially one-on-one (it’s just people often don’t ask her...) She’s not an “open book” in the same way Jester is. And she definitely has a certain amount of skill in deception. But she’s frank and honest in a way that I think Fjord probably found refreshing. Not “safe” in the same way he found Jester safe, but comfortable enough that he still feels like he can share the person he is now with her. Outside of Jester, Beau is the person who will consistently check on Fjord, and Beau is the person Fjord will consistently go to. I think there might be some contexts where a Beau betrayal may not “shock” Fjord in the same way a Jester betrayal would, but in a situation like the one down in the tomb, I think he would have been.

But every single other member of the Nein is closed off and twitchy and secretive. And Fjord isn’t the best at reading people—and I think he knows he’s not the best at it. He can tell when people are generally shifty and hiding something, but he can’t pick apart whether what they’re hiding are their motivations, or something else. Fjord has the same problem reading other people that certain parts of the fandom have reading Fjord—he keeps a lot close to the chest, and hides seemingly meaningless (to an outside observer) details, but is ultimately doing so out of shame and self-loathing. Given that uncertainty in being able to read others effectively, and also given that Fjord’s been burned by the betrayal of an ally before, it makes sense that he is generally reticent to grow close to people. Tens of episodes and several in-game months in and Fjord still doubts Caleb’s dedication to the group (granted, so does Caleb). It’s telling that the thing that’s gotten him closest to opening up to someone other than Jester, is Caleb offering to open up about himself in turn.

But, Fjord is a person who wants to be a part of a community. He wants the group to work (he’s like Molly in that respect). It’s what he and Caleb initially bonded over (and have circled back around to bonding over)—it’s also what he and Caleb had their biggest falling out over. It’s just that, for Fjord, The Group as an entity is sometimes more important than the group as a collection of individuals. He cares about all of them, he really truly does. But it’s a care that he’s carefully crafted a firewall for. If something goes wrong he can slam that wall up and safely keep separated his feelings for The Group, and his feelings for a member of The Group. I agree, that if any M9 member aside from Jester (and possibly Beau) did something to betray the group, that Fjord would have a similar response. He’s scared of being vulnerable in the same way he was after Sabien—or even after learning about Vandran.

But I think that connection is something Fjord wants. Fjord and Caduceus are similar in that they both seem to care for The Group as an entity, but also seem to be more emotionally detached. But where Caduceus’ detachment (as other meta-writers with a better grasp on Cad than I do have pointed out) comes from the fact that he already has a family, Fjord’s detachment is primarily a coping mechanism. A survival instinct. And it’s one that I don’t think he particularly wants most of the time. He doesn’t want to share his past, because he wants the Fjord he is right now to be the version of himself that the Nein love, and respect. I don’t know if Fjord fully realized how much other party members feel like they don’t really know him until Caleb brought it up (this in contrast to both Beau and Yasha, whom Caleb has few factual life details about, but with whom he’s had genuine and open conversations, and formed specific rapports).

All of this to say that I think it’s both true that Fjord is constantly prepared for people to betray and/or abandon him (see: his doubt the other’s would save them from the Iron Shepherds’; his doubt Caleb would want him as part of the team if he didn’t have powers), and also that Fjord would likely take that betrayal more personally than a lot of other members, regardless of who was doing the betraying. He might not be as emotionally devastated as Jester was/would be. He might not even be as angry as Beau would be (though if the succubus fight was an indication, Beau might just be sadly resigned if it was Caleb doing the betraying). But I do think he is internalizing Yasha’s apparent betrayal in a way the rest of them are not. Fjord immediately and specifically turns his castigation inwards for not being able to see and know that this betrayal was coming. He should know better by now after all, shouldn’t he? At a certain point, in Fjord’s view, if you keep getting betrayed it’s your own fault for being too stupid to see it coming (”fool me twice, shame on me”). And the more it happens, the more Fjord keeps wanting to throw up walls to protect himself from the hurt and self-hatred he feels, while at the same time one of the things he still wants most is to be accepted as part of a group. It’s a vicious cycle that keeps Fjord maintaining an arms’ length distance from the party, even while he is one of the first to take on responsibility for keeping the group as a whole safe, and “righting the ship.” It’s a constant push-pull of—I want to be accepted and cared for, but I can’t risk the danger of getting too close. Which makes Fjord’s reaction to leaving Yasha behind one of the most tragic, in my view. He’s lost a friend, but he’s also lost just that much more hope, or faith in the idea that one day someone might love and accept him without eventually turning on him

(Also as far as “whys” and “how could yous” go—I personally missed it during the stream, but I’ve seen at least a couple people point out that Fjord did ask Yasha “Why” when she attacked him. But by the time the group was talking about it as a whole, he had definitively settled on “she betrayed us, how could I have missed this. His emotional breakdown over her betrayal was small, and silent.)

#critical role #c2e69 #cr meta #fjord #sometimes this is a fjord meta blog #also this is so not what you asked for when you added those tags but boy did i get carried away with thoughts and feels

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soveryanon · 5 years

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Reviewing time for MAG155~~

- It was a very interesting experience because… in the end, what was the thing that made me/us collectively disgusted by the statement-giver? Is there a way we could have felt a bit of sympathy or pity towards her? How come that she felt as loathable (or more) as the spooks gleefully killing for fun that we’ve met before? Why did I absolutely lack any empathy towards her even before she officialised that she had to kill people to stay alive and exactly whom she had indeed killed (the doctor trying to save her life, a helpless old woman, a young homeless man, a baby…)?

I think that in this statement, it mostly came down to the lack of regret and shame, and the hypocrisy regarding Tova’s motivations and her targets of choice: yes, fearing death and sacrificing people to keep living would be understandable as a human trait (and obviously not justifiable), but what made Tova mostly insufferable was how she kept presenting herself as a Good Person all through it, and how her story may be revealing that her so-called “philanthropy” was mostly… empty and only for show. Her “charitable” actions were never really about improving people’s lives or seeing the poor as people who deserved better, but about positioning herself at the centre of things, to think of herself as someone Better and Worth More, while poor or marginalised people were just presented as… things that needed her help, but not mattering much in the grand scheme of things, to the point that she ended up specifically targeting the people who she claimed needed her help (almost presenting it as if they owed their lives to her in the first place)?

(MAG155, Tova McHugh) “I had to live, I couldn’t die, not then. We were on the verge of closing a deal that would provide fresh water to impoverished communities in a dozen developing countries; without me, it would fall through…! So I kept moving, senses attuned to what I needed – and I found her, sitting in a park, all on her own. An old woman, frail and shivering, staring out at the ducks over the water, empty bread bag by her side. If only I could’ve explained it to her, I’m sure she would have understood. She might even have agreed…! But I couldn’t talk to her. And I needed to live. […] This time, I sought out a homeless man. Young and strong, though his life was clearly over as he tried to destroy himself through drinking. […] It’s… strange, the maths you do of it all. A full life ahead of it, but… aside from the devastated parents, no real harm to the world as a whole. No good works left unfinished. It was a baby born to poverty, one whose life I thought would… bring it pain. […] I’m 40 now, and I have taken the life of beloved mothers, respected professionals, pillars of the community. But I have done so much good with my life…! I’ve reached further, helped more people than they ever could have!”

And if the point was to spread the fear of Death: the most obvious target should have been someone famous, but as that pretty often comes with wealthiness… it just didn’t seem to cross her mind to target someone from her own social group or higher, I’m guessing?

Tova was so obsessed with appearances, with being acknowledged as “necessary”, with being credited for her ~good deeds~? You would like to hear some honesty from a serial killer, and she didn’t sound like she was providing any because she was still clinging to the image she was constructing for show. What pushed her to give a statement in a first place? Usually, statement-givers had been people screaming for help, or depositing their story because no-one would understand, or people delivering a message through their statements… but it felt like Tova was mostly doing it because she was trying to defend herself against the perception that people could have had of her?

(MAG155, Tova McHugh) “You’ve got to understand: I have so much to live for. Oh, okay, that’s not quite it; I know most people have plenty to live for, but what I mean is that my life does good…! I put a lot into the world. Did you read about that homelessness initiative, that got 8000 people into shelters – that was me! […] And that’s not money from some trust fund…! I mean, sure, my parents loaned me the money to start, but I built my business up from the ground, and we now provide jobs for almost 700 people….! And I know that everyone’s life has value, but I just… need to be clear that my impact on the world is a positive one. My existence does a lot of good. And that’s only gotten more true since all this started; I’ve given more, spent more time on charitable stuff, and… helped more people…! Sorry, I’m just… aware of how this story makes me look. And I don’t want you to think I’m some… selfish monster grinding people up just to extend my own ghoulish life. I’m trying to do good…!”

It’s also interesting how it was a very self-centred statement (lots of “I”s, the insistence that what had happened to her wasn’t “fair” while, hum, her victims could have said the same about what she did to them) and, yet, all of Tova’s reasonings and her entire life felt artificial? For example, it would still have felt wrong if she had wanted to survive because she didn’t want to give up her life and her husband; but no, he was just… summed up in two lines, and felt like an impersonal cardboard standee (“So, when I had an epileptic seizure, the first one of my entire life, the month before my wedding, that wasn’t fair…! […] having my first attack at the top of a staircase, five weeks before the happiest day of my life, that’s just… not fair! […] The church was magnificent, the reception the most fun I’d had in years, and Daven was exactly the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. […] There was no one else around: Daven was on a business trip and I was alone in the house.”). They were still married by the time she gave her statement, I guess? But we didn’t know, and it didn’t feel at all like he truly mattered much to her.

Also, I DO NOT LIKE THIS and/or really hope it’s just how The End feels when it goes for specific people:

(MAG155, Tova McHugh) “But more likely, I thought it would be nothing. No “heaven”, or “hell”, no thought or sensation, just… nothing! You wouldn’t even notice you were gone. But it wasn’t like that at all. I don’t know if I have… words, for it. How can you describe being aware of the absence of everything? Life. Light. Warmth. It was very dark. And very cold. It dawned on me that this might be my existence… forever, there, beyond time, and I tried so desperately to scream, but… I had no lungs or throat in that dreadful place. I couldn’t even cry. […] Again, I found myself in that dark, cold place; and this time, I simply waited, hoping against hope that this time, it wouldn’t be forever. […] Surely, it would see me through to the time I was actually meant to die; that I could go… peacefully into oblivion, not trapped in that… dreadful darkness.”

Because Tim is having a LOVELY kayaking trip and is not stuck in a dark, cold, empty place, thank you very much :|

- So wow, once again, the whole statement felt like it was coming for Jon’s throat re: choosing to feed, still presenting yourself as The Victim when you’re pushed to hurt others in order to survive, the fact that it’s never the right time to die, not wanting to do something or to be responsible for something and doing it anyway.

(MAG155, Tova McHugh) “So, when I had an epileptic seizure, the first one of my entire life, the month before my wedding, that wasn’t fair…! […] Did I have to do it again? The idea… appalled me to my core, but it seemed the only explanation. I had to live, I couldn’t die, not then. […] If only I could’ve explained it to her, I’m sure she would have understood. She might even have agreed…! But I couldn’t talk to her. And I needed to live. […] I made a decision. One I am… deeply ashamed of, but I honestly thought it was for the best. I couldn’t keep living like that in the shadow of death – of what I had to do to keep going. “One sacrifice,” I thought. […] Surely, this would be enough. Surely, it would see me through to the time I was actually meant to die […] I’m not saying how I live is right, or good… but it is the position I have been put in, and a decision I have to make. I never wanted to weigh up the value of a life, to set it on the scales against my own. But that’s a choice that I am forced into. And it is one I will continue to make.”

At least, Jon strongly reacted to that – although he’s still exploring and… waiting, without any answer.

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: I’ve been reading nothing but these old, [FLAPPING PAPER] dry statements for so long, I… [PAPER RUSTLING] I feel weak. Like I’m… fading away. Do I restrain myself, keep my appetite in check, even at the cost of my life? Or do I try to rationalise what I am, like… Ms. McHugh? I find myself… hating her, her… callous self-deception. But am I so different…? Daisy’s chosen to resist in her own way, knowing full well it might take her life in the end; Melanie too. I… respect them for it, but I… I don’t know if I can follow their path. I suppose I have a way out, now. One that… wouldn’t even kill me – at least, I hope not. And yet, here I am still… Am I a coward? I just… What if they need me? What if.

Still under withdrawal, as long as it can last, but not exactly firm about the necessity of it at the same time.

(And also: sob that Tova’s “I made a decision.” reminded me of Jon’s own “I’m making a decision. I trust them. All of them.” from MAG117 ;;)

- I do love how a few episodes ago, Jon was Very Intensely claiming that no, he didn’t want to philosophise:

(MAG152) ARCHIVIST: And how can I tell, I suppose? My job is to view people at their lowest, their most fearful and unstable moments. Perhaps there is less change there than I imagine. Certainly… I don’t feel different; I have no desire for pseudo-religious philosophising or… delighting in the suffering of those I harm. … Then again, I suppose I’m hardly in the best position to judge.

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: … What is the value of a life? Is it something that can be quantified, put down as “numbers”, “good deeds”, “bad”? And when your life, your existence, is at the cost of doing harm, what then? I’ve… [DRY CHUCKLE] I’ve saved the world…! The whole world! Does that… give me the right to… [SIGH] take what I need to survive…?

… And listen to him now, going for cliché Existential Questions from the get-go. At the same time, not very surprising from Jonathan “I’ve been quit from smoking for five years (which is why I had cigarettes on me)” Sims, it’s just your Typical Jon In Action.

(At the same, kind of worrying that if he goes for philosophising now, he could as well go for ~delighting in the sufferings of those [he] harms~, because what’s left, really?)

I’m still questioning heavily, though, what has been pushing Jon towards this or that statement lately. We know that for Eric’s tape, he purposefully picked one that he was prone to ignore, and identified that resistance as Beholding’s influence. What about the written statements? Since Annabelle’s taunt, we got a demonstration of Beholding being all-powerful (MAG148), hey-hey-hey-the-power-of-“I-love-you”-could-save-someone-from-The-Lonely / “gay love says f*ck The Lonely” (MAG150), Embracing Your Patron Makes You Feel Better (MAG152), You’re Never “Too Smart” To Avoid A Cult And Also Not Embracing A Fear Makes You Feel Miserable and Alone (MAG153); bonus, for all of them, the fact that the Fear(s) at work were quite blatantly sneaking in through people’s own weaknesses, at a time they were vulnerable (was it an invitation to focus on that part of himself…?). MAG155 was once again about an avatar embracing their path, although with a lot of hypocrisy and… technically not a lot of love for their patron. The comparison was very obviously unflattering for Jon (Tova McHugh insisting that what happened to her wasn’t earned, that it wasn’t her time to die, that she was Necessary, refusing to die even at the costs of other people, agreeing that some of her trials and errors were cruel, while still… accepting what she did as fair, and not planning to stop, and not feeling guilty for it), and while a lot of the recent statements sound like Jon’s Life, the question is still open: is it Beholding pushing Jon towards specific statements? Annabelle, to roast Jon utterly? Or is it Jon being drawn to statements that match his own feelings and interrogations?

- … there was SUCH a cruel edge in Jon’s words and snappiness:

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: Earlier, when she was still out of it, I, uh… I “saw” some of the things she was talking about, some of the things she did, while she was police. I’m not convinced I disagree with her assessment. [PAUSE] Do you want me to tell you? BASIRA: No. No, I don’t.

It’s what Elias would have threatened to do?! Bad, Jon, bad D: (His tone really changes depending on who he’s talking to? There are so many silences and so much dryness with Basira, while he was frantic with Martin, tends to be very soft with Daisy, and careful and awkward with Melanie…)

- Uhoh… So Melanie is quitting-for-real, Daisy is dying, and Basira is apparently going looking both Julia&Trevor and Annabelle through London. The assistants were supposed to check on him:

(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: We’re… all well aware that with Peter Lukas in charge of the Institute, it’s a very real danger to all of us. We are trying. Daisy, Basira and I, we don’t leave the Institute much anymore – so we do spend a lot of time together. It’s not that easy, though. When everyone has so many walls, so many defences… [SIGH] sometimes you can feel lonely even when you’re in the same room. … But it’s better than the alternative. And at least none of us is suffering alone.

(MAG154) ARCHIVIST: Yes, no, I know, I’m sorry, uh– that didn’t… come out right. Honestly: thank you. [EXHALE] It’s been hell, but… I–I did need to hear it. MARTIN: Oh, hum… Uh, g–good. Heh. Are the others… helping? ARCHIVIST: Oh! [DRY CHUCKLE] They’ve been keeping a… very close eye on me…!

… but who will do that from now on? It really doesn’t feel like, logistically, Jon is currently being kept under surveillance? ;;

- ONE GOOD THING IN THE WORLD: the fact that Jon told the assistants quickly about that way of escaping!!

(MAG155) MELANIE: [INHALE] Thanks for… telling me, by the way. [INHALE] I–it didn’t look like it was easy for you. ARCHIVIST: [EXHALE] I–i–it wasn’t. I don’t think, uh… I don’t think “it” wants to lose anyone, but I thought… you of all people deserve the option.

It could go badly in many ways, but at least, he told them – unlike Gertrude, and unlike what Martin seemed to imply/assume…? So both fighting Beholding and refusing to follow Gertrude’s footsteps here.

Though yeah, Jon admitted that he wasn’t ready to do it himself. But the option that Melanie is going for does highlight that… there is a choice. And one of the Assistants is taking that option – if they don’t follow her example, it just means that, yeah, they’re making an implicit choice to stay, too.

(- Re:Gertrude, I didn’t really have time to ponder about it last week… but what if she did end up gouging out her own eyes, hence the blood in her office and the discrepancy between her two dates of death in March/May 2015? Because if it works to cut the connection to Beholding (I don’t think that Gertrude was as deep in as Jon currently is), then… maybe Elias wasn’t feeling her anymore, until he learned that she was still alive in May 2015…? He “assumed” she was dead the same way that Gertrude “assumed” that Eric had been killed by Mary:

(MAG154) ERIC: … Gertrude, I left the Archives months before she killed me. GERTRUDE: What?! No, that’s… that’s not possible. […] You… I’m sorry – you “quit”? ERIC: Yeah! I figured out how. GERTRUDE: I… I just assum– … How?

(MAG040) ELIAS: On the 15th of March last year, I had a query about a statement one of our researchers was after and went down to the Archives. Gertrude wasn’t there, but her desk was covered in blood. I, I called the police, and there was a huge search, but… there was no sign of Gertrude, alive or dead. She didn’t have any assistants, so there were no witnesses, and no-one saw or heard anything. The police tested the blood and confirmed the DNA matched to Gertrude, though I don’t know why they had her on file. They judged there to be almost a gallon of blood spilled, far more than the human body can lose and survive so, I assumed she was dead and left the investigation to the police, for all that good it did me.

… Counter-point, though: Gertrude recorded MAG087’s statement in April 2015, and it was a written one – so she could still see and/or there was Beholding magic allowing her to read though the statement without physically reading it, and both are not compatible with the idea that sacrificing your eyesight would cut your ties to Beholding…)

- It’s the second time recently (and the third this season) that Jon summarised The Unknowing as that time ~he saved the world~ and still no Tim mention although he squeezed the detonator :|

(MAG126) ARCHIVIST: … I remembered Gertrude’s notebook; we found it alongside the plastic explosives, but it rather got lost amongst the business of… [SIGH] saving the world at the cost of two lives…

(MAG150) MELANIE: Helping it out… even in small ways, i–is in some way… evil too! Every time we try to use it to do good, it just seems to make everything worse, and… and I will not be a part of that anymore. ARCHIVIST: What about The Unknowing? We, we saved the world! MELANIE: Did we? I… I mean, I–I think it was the right thing to do, but how many people were killed to do it? We, we weren’t even a neutral party; we did it as agents of The Eye, because Elias told us to.

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: I’ve… [DRY CHUCKLE] I’ve saved the world…! The whole world!

(Also, “saved the whole world”: as opposed to what, Jon. Half of the world? … Alright, with Tova’s statement in mind and the idea that ~uwu I’m only taking one life now and then but meanwhile I’m doing so much good!~, that’s fair.)

- I’m a bit ? regarding one of Jon’s comments in passing:

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: I’ve been reading nothing but these old, [FLAPPING PAPER] dry statements for so long, I… [PAPER RUSTLING] I feel weak. Like I’m… fading away.

Because Annabelle had suggested that no, Jon hasn’t been able to read statements “silently” lately:

(MAG147, Annabelle Cane) “But think about it, Jon: when’s the last time you were able to read a statement quietly to yourself without instinctively hitting record and speaking it aloud? It is just instinct? Habit? Or is it a compulsion – a string pulled by the Ceaseless Watcher or the Mother of Puppets? Or both?”

And we can’t really say that Jon has stuck to old statements for soooooo loooooong – it’s been what, starting with MAG146 since Manuela’s live-statement (MAG144’s was read by Martin, MAG145 was one of Gertrude’s tapes), and Annabelle left her written statement fresh from the day in MAG147, so… Jon recorded five “old” statements since he was put on withdrawal. That’s… not a lot?

So, what is happening? I already felt that Annabelle might be misleading and over-exaggerating to mess with Jon, because Jon had provided some follow-up right after recording a few statements lately (such as with Eugene in MAG139: there was no static after his reading, and Jon still described the steel plant’s website, so… he had done his research before recording). At the same time, the cases of Jon’s victims demonstrated that the tape recorders hadn’t been recording everything spooky around Jon (the tape recorder only bothered with Floyd) – could it be the same with written statements lately…? Has Jon begun to read some aloud without us hearing them because the tape recorders aren’t clicking on…? If so, what would set apart the statements we heard as “important” enough to get recorded? With Floyd, we could make the argument that it was about Salesa – a well-known figure whose disappearance had long been (and is still) shrouded in mystery – while Jon’s other victims seemed to have been attacked by spooks not belonging to “our” recurring figures. But the statements Jon read which were recorded lately… didn’t deal with recurring figures either. Or are the tape recorders clicking on more or less weekly because, as Jon had put it in MAG123, they’re (independently from Jon) “hungry” too?

Alternative take (and, quite honestly, the one I’m digging the most): Jon Is Over-Exaggerating Again, You Stupid Idiotic Drama King. It’s just been five statements, but naaah, for Jon, it means that he’s been stuck with these old statements ~for so long~, because Jon Is Like That.

- Re: Jon Being Like That, another thing is that, during this scene:

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: Not like there’s any shortage of places to lay low. BASIRA: Hm. London is what, 600 square miles? ARCHIVIST: 607. BASIRA: [SIGH] Whatever.

… there wasn’t any static. On the one hand, it could be that the tape recorders are not reacting as much as they used to when Jon knows random stuff, or Jon has been Knowing… a lot of information lately and his actual acquisition of this Knowledge happened before this. On the other hand: I think it’s safe to assume that Jonathan Smartass Sims is JUST LIKE THAT and already knew about London’s exact total area, learning it through regular means years ago. It just screams “stupid precise details that Jon would know”.

This is probably why people already wanted to punch you when you were in uni, Jon…

- Something that has been very regular all through this season: Jon Knowing (with a flourish of static) who is going to enter his office before they do.

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: I just… What if they need me? What if. [SILENCE] [KNOCKING ON DOOR] [STATIC] ARCHIVIST: Oh. Come in, Melanie…! [DOOR OPENS]

I want to get cautious about that point, because thinking it over, I’m assuming that that is what is happening – Jon is talking, then we hear static, Jon stops and realises something, then invites whoever to “come in” – but technically, could it also be something else…? The tape recorders not reacting to Jon’s Knowing, but to another presence coming closer, every time?

(The idea that it’s a Knowing makes sense, but it’s been so regular, and… almost ritualistic? We got a scene like this every two Jon episodes. Why does Jon Know, every time, who is on the verge of entering his office, and almost every time when someone is close to his door (it wasn’t the case this episode, Melanie had the time to knock, and only then did Jon Know who it was)? Is it because he feels threatened by the outside world? Is it because he’s so connected with the Archives that he’s especially sensitive to when people are approaching? Is it because of his complicated relationship with doors – with his inner “door”, as described in MAG127, adding a few more issues because what’s behind is threatening to “drown” him?)

- When it comes to static… Since Basira asked about that moment, I’m thinking back about Jon’s call to Daisy in MAG153:

(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: This, well… The Corruption at work, if I had to guess, though with unsettling echoes of a… “Fleshliness”. I suppose– [STATIC RISING] … Wait… OH…! Uh… [CLEARS THROAT] [STATIC FADING] [BREATHES FASTER] [RUFFLING OF CLOTHES] [CHAIR SCRAPING] [DIALLING TONES] Yeah, uh, I think, hum, I think you should probably get down here–

(MAG155) BASIRA: Why did you call her, and not me? ARCHIVIST: Honestly, I panicked. Her name came up first on my phone.

And I wonder. It would be well-contained enough for Basira to ask Jon why he had called Daisy because she’s… a bit hurt, or at least realising that the fact that Jon’s instinct to call Daisy and not her meant a lot: that Daisy is a safe option, that Jon wants to rely on her, while Basira, because she kept snapping at Jon and didn’t show him any tenderness, wouldn’t be the person Jon would turn towards – and it would be enough to hurt Basira deeply when, indeed, she’s been cold and calculative since The Unknowing precisely because she wanted to be in control of the situation, and was dead-set on being the only reliable person around.

But… it’s true that when Jon made that call, there had been static right before. We know that there are influences at work: Beholding has been influencing Jon, Annabelle claimed to not “control” Jon but clearly showed that she could exert some influence, and we still don’t officially know what was the thing which made Martin stash tape recorders around the coffin to allow Jon to get out, but it was clear that it wasn’t only Martin’s idea. Could it be that Jon’s call to Daisy had been influenced, too…? And if so, why…? Because she was supposed to defend Jon? Because it was to tempt her to follow the call of The Hunt again, by putting her in contact with other predators…?

- Whether it had been a spooky influence or not… I’m now sad for Basira? Because it makes sense, on its own, that Jon wouldn’t have called her for help; but at the same time, Basira had been the “closest” to Jon all through season 4. She went to the hospital instead of Melanie, when Georgie called; she was the one who updated Jon on what had happened during his absence, then on Melanie’s condition when Melanie was free from the bullet but absolutely devastated. They went to Ny-Ålesund together and, although I was really fearing that Basira was planning to throw Jon under the bus there, when faced with an actual danger, it turned out that… Basira preferred to leave the Dark Sun alone rather than seeing Jon risk his life. Basira has made many mistakes this season, she tried to be the cold, emotionless, all-rational person who could get them all out alive. And she utterly failed: she cut herself off from Daisy for a while because Daisy was “dead weight” in her current state, and she damaged the friendly relationship she used to have with Jon.

- Jon haaaad a point when he threw in Basira’s face her hypocrisy re:Daisy’s past actions, because… we indeed knew she was a violent cop, and not only with spooks (Daisy hadn’t hidden it in MAG061); and although she was assuming that Daisy was “only killing monsters”:

(MAG091) DAISY: You been following me, Basira? BASIRA: Didn’t need to. I know what you do here. ARCHIVIST: [SHAKY BREATHING] DAISY: He tell you? BASIRA: He didn’t need to. You’re not that subtle. But I… I always thought you just killed monsters. ARCHVISIT: [HIGH-PITCHED CRY] DAISY: I do.

… it was still extra-judicial murders, committed by a member of the police. And Basira was fine with that. Basira, who was also disgusted when one of her colleagues’ death was rewritten to present him as a crooked cop (MAG075). Her sense of fairness/justice has always been very biased, Daisy Being Her Personal Bias, and it keeps showing in the way she still tries to defend Daisy’s actions as something Daisy wasn’t responsible for:

(MAG146) BASIRA: You’re a danger, Jon. A monster. You’re hurting innocent people. ARCHIVIST: So did Daisy…! BASIRA: Shut up! It’s not the same thing at all. DAISY: Basira… [EXHALE] He has a point. BASIRA: You didn’t know what you were doing! DAISY: [SIGH] BASIRA: And since you did, you’ve spent every waking hour resisting. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

(MAG155) BASIRA: And if she doesn’t, she might die. ARCHIVIST: Something you’re fine with in certain other cases. And something she’s made peace with. BASIRA: Because of the guilt she feels over the stuff The Hunt made her do…! It’s not her fault. ARCHIVIST: Earlier, when she was still out of it, I, uh… I “saw” some of the things she was talking about, some of the things she did, while she was police. I’m not convinced I disagree with her assessment. [PAUSE] Do you want me to tell you? BASIRA: No. No, I don’t. ARCHIVIST: … You knew, didn’t you? You knew the sort of things she did, and you let her. BASIRA: No, not exactly. I thought… [PAUSE] It’s not that simple. ARCHIVIST: It never is. But that doesn’t make it okay.

(Aouch, given how it is answering Jon’s protest from a few episodes:

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: It’s not that simple…! BASIRA: No, it is. Or I put you down. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: … That’s… I mean, that’s hardly… BASIRA: Daisy has been managing. ARCHIVIST: Daisy is… [PAUSE] [SIGH] Yeah. She’s managing.

Still, Jon, even if it’s to throw it in Basira’s face, that was a bit harsh for Daisy, although. Yeah. Fair. … ;; I wonder what he saw, exactly…)

Jon went through that phase a bit, too (because it felt better to think that Daisy wasn’t responsible nor to be held accountable for her past actions, since… it would have meant that he wasn’t either), and it’s really poignant how Daisy was able to stay firm with both of them (and Martin), repeating again and again that no, it was her doing:

(MAG132) DAISY: I hurt… a l–lot of people… and some who… who I shouldn’t have. Did you ever hear the, the story Elias told me? About what I did. How I am… He, he didn’t get a detail wrong. The Hunt… Hunger was in me all my life. Telling me who to chase, how to hurt them. I never needed to think… who I was outside of that. […] [PANTS] Y–you know what I thought wh–when I woke up here? I thought this was hell; I wa–, I was dead, and within hell. And I… eh, I–I knew I deserved it…

(MAG142) DAISY: [INHALE] I’m sorry, Martin. MARTIN: It’s alright. Wasn’t you. [INHALE] Not really. DAISY: No, it was. I hate… a lot of what I did back then; doesn’t mean I’m not… responsible for it, doesn’t mean it… wasn’t me.

(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: But it– … What if it kills you? DAISY: [CHORTLE] Always said I was dedicated to justice…! ARCHIVIST: Daisy! It’s not… You can’t think like that. DAISY: Jon. Do you have any idea how much damage you can do if you’re a police officer who wants to hurt people? How much the system will protect you? [SHARP INHALE FROM JON] I managed to keep most of it from Basira, but… ARCHIVIST: That wasn’t you, that was The Hunt! DAISY: … [SIGH] We were the same. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: … You’d never known anything different. [SILENCE] DAISY: Because I never wanted to. All that time trapped was good for one thing: thinking. And I did a lot of it. I’ve made my choice.

(It’s also, hum. A bit sad for Jon, by comparison? Because Basira is dead set on defending Daisy, but Jon doesn’t have a “personal Basira” at the moment. Which is probably better, because he isn’t enabled or excused (I’m GLAD that Martin didn’t throw himself into Jon Apologism), but also, aouch, Jon sounds even more alone and isolated somehow.)

- They keep going back to the “people change”, “we (have) change(d)” but in itself, it. doesn’t mean a lot…? Are they improving, bettering themselves, learning from their mistakes? Are they worsening, spiralling, losing sight of other people’s feelings and well-being? In Daisy’s case, I feel like, indeed, she changed for a better version of herself, as she wanted (at least, she stopped doing harm, and she’s holding to it, and she’s tried to take care of Jon a bit, and to act as a bridge between Martin and the others…):

(MAG132) DAISY: But down here, where I… I can’t hear the… blood anymore, I d–, I don’t… I don’t know who I am without, without the chase… I just know… that I… I don’t like who I was back outside. I don’t want to be her again. I want… to be… better… […] I don’t want t–to be a s–sadistic predator again… I–I don’t want to… hobble around, like some pathetic, wounded prey either… I don’t know which would be worse. And I’m sc–scared, now, that I’ll never get the choice… ARCHIVIST: One thing I’ve learned, Daisy, is that we all get a choice. Even if it doesn’t feel like one.

Same for Melanie, who developed splendidly; … but meanwhile, Martin, Basira and Jon are… not exactly changing for the best so far? (;; It hurts especially with Jon, since I had really felt like he was changing for the better in season 3… And right now, uh. Except for the part where he’s sticking to trusting the others (… although not enough to tell them re: his victims, apparently), it feels like he’s undone a lot of his previous progress…)

- ANYWAY, YOU HAVE YOUR BIAS BASIRA, BUT BAD, BAD:

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: How’s Daisy? [SILENCE] BASIRA: I don’t know. She’s recovered from your little… “confrontation”, but she’s still getting weaker. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] BASIRA: I’m worried she’s– ARCHIVIST: Yeah. […] BASIRA: I’m trying to convince her to go after them. To, er… “Hunt” them. ARCHIVIST: Why? BASIRA: Because I’m not going to lose her. ARCHIVIST: She goes Hunting again, you might anyway. BASIRA: And if she doesn’t, she might die.

Gooooods I feel so sorry for Daisy… The way she’s described, she felt to me like a wounded animal who has taken shelter in an isolated corner and is mostly waiting for death to snatch her up and release her…? And meanwhile, Basira is encouraging her to lose herself, to give up and give herself to The Hunt she absolutely wanted to quit… I do understand Basira’s position; she lived through “Daisy dying” once and she doesn’t want to experience that again… just like Martin regarding Jon:

(MAG129) ARCHIVIST: … What happened, Martin? [SILENCE] MARTIN: You died. ARCHIVIST: I came back. MARTIN: Yeah. [OPENS DOOR] I’m not gonna let it happen again. ARCHIVIST: … wait… Wait! W– [DOOR CLOSES] [SIGH]

(MAG133) ARCHIVIST: You’re not happy she is back. BASIRA: I didn’t say that, Jon. I would never abandon Daisy and, having her back is… [SIGH] But right now, she’s dead weight. And I need to be able to travel light.

… But still. Season 4’s mood is feeling so sad for Daisy…

There is also the fact that Melanie is leaving and… I’m so glad for Melanie!! It’s what she deserved!! (Although she didn’t deserve what she had to do to be able to quit.) But I’m sad for Daisy given how it had felt like Daisy&Melanie had grown a bit closer, this season, compared to uuuh, their indifferent/rocky start in season 3:

(MAG112) DAISY: Couldn’t find Tim, but he’s gone with Martin and… the other one. BASIRA: Melanie. DAISY: Sure.

(MAG136) MELANIE: Well… uhm. Daisy’s been, erm… I’ve been keeping her company. Er, while… while Basira’s busy. She’s, er… ARCHIVIST: Oh, no, I, uh… I–I know. MELANIE: W–well, I’ve kind of got to… uhm. I’ve got somewhere to be. Do you mind if, if… she hangs around, with… […] [IN THE DISTANCE] Hum, yeah, he’s, he’s fine with it. So… [RUFFLING OF CLOTHES] [BREATHES] DAISY: Alright?

(MAG142) MARTIN: … Are you alright? DAISY: Yeah. Just a… a bit empty around here. You know? MARTIN: Not really. DAISY: Melanie’s out, and… [EXHALE] Jon and Basira’re still off.

(MAG146) ARCHIVIST: … So we’re going with her. DAISY: [SIGH] Come on, Mel. I’ll see if I’ve got a stab vest in your size. MELANIE: … Yeah. Sure.

(MAG147) DAISY: Here, Mel. MELANIE: What even are these? […] [INHALE] Uh, and… and, please, don’t… call me “Mel”. DAISY: What? Since when? MELANIE: Always. I’m… [SIGH] trying to be more… o–open about this… stuff. DAISY: Roger Wilco, Miss King. MELANIE: Mm! Better.

(MAG151) MELANIE: … Look, I… didn’t come here for a fight. I… just wanted to let you know what was going on. If you need me, I’ll be trying to get Daisy drunk.

It feels like Daisy is losing another “anchor” with Melanie’s departure…?

- Meanwhile, REALLY, Basira sounds very Hunt-y this season, uh? She had been running after leads, she had already managed to find and corner Martin, and she’s still at it:

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: Any luck? BASIRA: No. If they’re still around, they’re staying hidden. ARCHIVIST: Not like there’s any shortage of places to lay low. […] [INHALE] So, I guess we’ll want to look out for a pair of homeless serial killers now…! I’ll add it to the list. BASIRA: No sign of Annabelle either. ARCHIVIST: You’re still on that? BASIRA: You’re not? ARCHIVIST: … I–I mean, I don’t know how much she can predict or manipulate the future, but I think she’s proven she can at least avoid us finding her. BASIRA: Yeah, well. It makes me feel better. ARCHIVIST: I suppose that’s something.

I’m absolutely worried that she’s STILL TRYING TO FIND ANNABELLE… Because Elias had ~advised~ her to not get involved with The Web. And. Uh. Elias’s advice in the series tends to be a tiny bit prophetic.

(MAG037) MARTIN: Sorry… Look, Jon, I do think we should destroy the table, though. I mean, if it’s the one from Amy Patel’s statement. Just in case. ARCHIVIST: Elias told me the same thing. Luckily, he phrased it as advice rather than an instruction, so for now I’m more inclined to keep studying it. We’re not in the business of destroying knowledge.

(MAG117) ELIAS: Oh, and, Jon: technically, I can’t stop you, but I would heavily advise against bringing any… rogue… elements. MARTIN: You can just say Tim. ARCHIVIST: I will take it under advisement.

(MAG148) BASIRA: Or that we were being stalked by some freaky spider woman. Don’t tell me you didn’t know about that! ELIAS: Ah, uh, y–yes… W–well… To be honest, I’d… advise you to leave that one – well alone. BASIRA: Oh yeah? ELIAS: Uh! Look, look, look. I’ve… been doing this a long time now and, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about The Web, it’s that it plays its own game. All you can really do is… hope it doesn’t get in the way of whatever your plan is. Because the Spider usually wins…!

… I’m beginning to expect that if something ends up getting Basira… it will be because she went after Annabelle ORZ ORZ ORZ (And how ironic would it be, given how Basira so desperately tried to keep or regain some control this season…?)

- Okay, Melanie time: I’m so glad she’s jumping on that opportunity, that this season had been her time to find herself again and to take actions that would match her beliefs. She had already “abandoned” Beholding in a way, by refusing to serve it in any way (even seemingly harmless ones); now, she’s getting an actual way out without dying. There is an obvious heartbreaking disproportion between what it took for her to get trapped (just… accepting Elias’s job offer, signing a form) and what it takes for her to escape (gouging her eyes out and accepting to become blind), but I’m so glad she’s accepting it, that’s it’s not inflicted on her, that it’s her choice and that she has prepared herself to it.

(MAG155) MELANIE: No, Jon. I’m going to do it. [BREATH] I’m quitting. ARCHIVIST: Oh… [PAUSE] You’re… sure you’ve thought it through? I–I don’t know if we can look after you, you know? MELANIE: [BREATH] ARCHIVIST: A–afterwards. MELANIE: You don’t need to. I’ve… I’ve made a few arrangements, and… [SHAKY INHALE] It’s going to be okay. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] MELANIE: Ho–honestly. I–I think it is. I, I can’t… be a part of this anymore, and if this is the price, then, I think I’m okay to pay it. [DEEP INHALE, EXHALE]

It really put the others’ decisions to stay into perspective, too: Basira seems to perceive blindness as a vulnerability that she can’t afford, Martin had sounded a bit like Gertrude (can’t do it now, always threats to take care of), Jon… is unclear (he did offer to Martin, Martin wasn’t convinced, and now Jon is not keen on going for it – is it because Martin was right? Or is it because, just like Basira for Daisy, Jon doesn’t want to leave without Martin):

(MAG154) ARCHIVIST: I–I–I don’t know, I–I mean, I suppose? I–i–if your vision comes back, the Beholding probably does as well…! P–probably. But it’s not like it’s easy to only… blind yourself temporarily anyway, uh, I… MARTIN: Y–y–yeah… yeah, uh… Ha–have you told the others, or…? ARCHIVIST: No, you–you’re the first. MARTIN: Why? ARCHIVIST: … Because… uh, because I–I trust you, I– I’m trying to think about what to do, and I… Well… if I did try this, I… I don’t want to do it alone. MARTIN: [EXHALE] ARCHIVIST: But we could leave here. You and me; escape. […] [SIGH] No. No, o–o–of course, this was… stupid, you have your own plans going on, don’t you? MARTIN: I just… Look, I need to see this thing through with Peter to the end. If–if what he’s saying is even half true, I need to be there. […] You know I can’t do it, not now; you don’t want to blind yourself; you don’t want to die; what you want… is a reason to not do those things. So… you come to me. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] MARTIN: Well… you’re welcome! B–because I can’t follow you on this one.

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: Have you… thought any more about what I said? BASIRA: Yeah. I don’t think I can. Daisy wouldn’t come if I didn’t, and… I’m not leaving her behind. Besides, both of us being blind would be… [PAUSE] Anyway, being stuck here isn’t exactly her main problem right now. ARCHIVIST: No, I suppose not. BASIRA: And with those Hunters still out there– ARCHIVIST: No, I understand. Just wanted to make sure you… [INHALE] knew you had the choice. [EXHALE] […] I suppose I have a way out, now. One that… wouldn’t even kill me – at least, I hope not. And yet, here I am still… Am I a coward? I just… What if they need me? What if.

We’re lacking Daisy’s reasons – is it because she thinks that she’s dead meat anyway? Because she would like to be in shape to protect the others from Trevor&Julia until the end? Because she fears that The Hunt would find its way into her again if she were to cut herself off from Beholding? Is it because she wants to “see” Basira until the end…?

(MAG132) DAISY: Uh… Scared. I–I’m, I’m, I’m scared. I’ve been scared the whole time here. Not just when it’s, when it’s cr–crushing, when it f–fills your, y–your mouth with d–dirt… I–it knows when to stop, wh–when to ea–ease back, so you don’t… don’t lose it or, or grow numb… L–leaves you terrified for when it s–starts a–again and, wh–when it does, you, you’re s–scared that it’ll… n–never–never stop… I thought, thought I’d… I’d ne–never see the s–sky again, never… never s–see Basira…

Daisy is also a special case in her relationship to Beholding because, contrary to everyone else, she knew what she was signing for. She had decided it was worth it, to get rid of Jon in her nightmares (and regain some control over them), and because Basira&Jon were trapped in the Institute. I can understand that… it would probably feel a bit pointless to her to undo that at this point…

- I’m heartbroken over Melanie, too, but mostly for the PAIN she’ll inflict herself??? I’m really glad that she’s agreeing to becoming blind, but… the way she’s going about it…

(MAG155) MELANIE: [DEEP INHALE, EXHALE] Got, uh… Got one of those awls, from the book repair suppliers, up in the library? [BREATH] If it can punch through books, it can punch through, uh…! ARCHIVIST: [SOFT GROAN] MELANIE: Well, it… it should do the trick. No reason to try and make it too complicated.

It’s going to be painful, she’s going to do it herself, and she’ll have to take care of both eyes. She’ll be doing it TWICE. One time, suffering through it, and then ANOTHER.

It’s also emphasising how she managed to regain her agency this season: from getting the bullet removed by Jon&Basira, without her consent, while she was asleep, to free her from The Slaughter’s influence – to explaining to Jon that she will stab her own eyes, with an item she’s carefully chosen, on her own, to get free from Beholding. Even the choice of the awl feels like a bookend (ha): it’s coming from the library, which had been… her initial reason for coming time and time again to the Institute, when she wanted to research ghosts:

(MAG063) MELANIE: Alright, can you not be an arsehole about it? I just need access to your library. ARCHIVIST: So talk to Diana, she runs the place. MELANIE: Yes. I don’t exactly have the “academic credentials” you guys demand. So I apparently need someone to vouch for me. And you’re basically the closest thing I’ve got to a friend here. […] ARCHIVIST: I’ll have a word with Diana, see if I can get you into the library.

I also love how it feels like she’s finally proving Elias wrong a bit…? He had told her, when she was trying to kill him, that she wasn’t doing it for a greater good but for her own selfish reasons:

(MAG106) ELIAS: You already have doubts, though. You’ve been talking with Tim, and have convinced yourself that– MELANIE: [DRY LAUGHTER] ELIAS: –even if I’m telling the truth, I’m too dangerous to live. MELANIE: Well. ELIAS: Whatever I’m planning needs to be stopped! Even if it costs a few lives. Including your own. MELANIE: Well, that’s n–not even– ELIAS: A rationalisation, of course. A lie, about your own selfishness, that you would rather be dead than trapped without the self-determination you prize so highly. I wish I knew the words to convince you it’s for the best.

And yes, there is still some of it, some of her pride, in her current choice. But back then, Elias had given the impression that her feelings were making her centre on herself; right now, I feel like her feelings and her willingness to denounce what she sees as wrong and horrible make her “expand”, make her inspirational and admirable? Melanie was a stark contrast with this week’s statement-giver…

- It’s also very fitting, for Melanie, of all people, to give up her sight to escape…? She used to be a Spooky Podcast Youtuber. She witnessed her first actual spooks through the lens of a camera. She noticed that Not!Sasha was different through her physical appearance. The first statement she read was about The Dark and someone believing that hiding from the creature’s sight would provide him safety. Elias had threatened to engrave the sight of her father’s death into her mind. She was the one to find Gertrude’s eyeless dolls in the storage unit.

(MAG028) MELANIE: I reached the door and, using the camera, I peered inside. […] In the camera’s small viewscreen I couldn’t see what was there, what was underneath, but it was dark and shiny. I will never forget the sound of the skin coming away from her arm. […] ARCHIVIST: You say you recorded video of the event? MELANIE: Yeah, I’ve given your guys a copy, but watching it back the recording is so distorted that you can’t really make anything out.

(MAG076) MELANIE: Sure. Where’s Sasha, by the way? I wanted to say goodbye. ARCHIVIST: I’m sorry? MELANIE: Sasha. Your assistant. I haven’t seen her in a while. You didn’t fire her, did you? […] You know who I mean. Tall, long hair, glasses… She was here when I first came in. Back last April? We had a long conversation about haunted pubs. ARCHIVIST: No, I… I remember. But that is Sasha.

(MAG106) ELIAS: I’m afraid that’s not really something I can do. I can promise not to make it worse, though. MELANIE: What…? No…! ELIAS: You know how your father really died, and I am sure that is unimaginably painful for you, but be aware, if I choose to, I can make you see it. [TAPE RECORDER HISSING AGAIN] MELANIE: No… no… ELIAS: If you try to interfere with me again, in any way, I will drive that image so deep into your psyche. But even if you are right, even if you live, it will be there every time you close your eyes. MELANIE: No… no…

(MAG113) ARCHIVIST: Found anything yet? MARTIN: Er… er… Bunch of… eyeless paintings? MELANIE: [JOVIALLY] Snap! Eyeless dolls. Oh, and. Just a lot of shredded newspapers.

I really hope that her “arrangements” mean that she’ll stay at Georgie’s and get all The Admiral’s cuddles, aaaaah…

- I was already feeling like Melanie was giving her goodbyes in MAG150, and it’s now even more definitive… And a bit like Tim’s last words to Jon?

(MAG119) ARCHIVIST: Tim!! [STATIC] What do you see? TIM: I see my asshole boss! W– wait… wait… […] ARCHIVIST: Tim! [STATIC] What’s in your hand? TIM: It’s… I don’t… the– the– … the detonator… […] Jon, I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can… ARCHIVIST: [FAINTLY AND FAR] Tim…? TIM: I don’t forgive you. But thank you for this.

(MAG155) MELANIE: [INHALE] Thanks for… telling me, by the way. [INHALE] I–it didn’t look like it was easy for you. […] … I, I won’t… be around, after this, but I’ll–I’ll leave details, in case you need to get in touch… [INHALE] Hum… but… ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … I understand. […] We’ll… miss you. MELANIE: Wish I could say the same…! ARCHIVIST: … Yeah. [INHALE] Do you… need any, uh… help?

Grateful for something right that Jon did (giving them a choice, the artefact/information they could work with to make that choice), while still pointing out that no, staying around hadn’t been a great time.

EL-O-EL about that bit:

(MAG154) MELANIE: It’s, it’s the rest of you I’m worried about. ARCHIVIST: [SCOFF] We’ll be fine. Always have been. MELANIE: Not always. ARCHIVIST: No… I guess not.

Jon, You’ve Never Ever Been Fine since you began working in the Archives.

- I’m So Glad About That Last Dig At Elias, he deserved it.

(MAG155) MELANIE: I’ve left a proper resignation letter, on Lukas’s desk. It was quite satisfying to write, actually. Almost made me wish it was Elias! ARCHIVIST: [CHUCKLING] MELANIE: He would have hated me not serving out my two weeks-notice, huh! Not sure… Lukas even knows who I am…! … Probably for the best.

(!! About the fact that Jon, too, was cracking up a bit.)

And at the same time, wow: Elias has been away for more than a year, Melanie only got him as a boss for less than six months… and he’s still marked her so deeply that she spontaneously thought about what would upset him. Understandable given that, unlike Peter, yeah, Elias had been the one to trap her, traumatised her and was the overall cause of an added bunch of miseries, but still, aouch that he scarred her so deeply ;;

Also, Oh No, Melanie, Peter does know your name ;;

(MAG120) MARTIN: So what now? PETER: Well, if you could send Melanie and Basira up to see me, I’d like to introduce myself.

I’m not expecting Peter to do… anything about Melanie leaving, honestly, since he already told Martin he wouldn’t intervene for stuff the Archival staff decided on their own. But he knows her name, that’s probably never good. (… It also means that, even if Jon has had access to MAG120’s tape (which we still don’t know), he didn’t share that one with the class.)

- Things I’m Worried About:

* Peter will certainly not read Melanie’s letter, but Martin, however… And how will he take it? Panicking because he’d feel that Jon was a bit more serious about that idea than he had assumed? There is also the fact that he sold himself to Peter to protect the others, so Basira and Melanie at the time – and now, turns out that Melanie… is leaving. Just like that. Martin doesn’t want to stop The Extinction for Peter or because he’s indebted, quite clearly; but still, there is something very bittersweet in the fact that Martin went through isolation, cut his ties with the others because he wanted them to be safe… and didn’t get anything in return. Peter never lifted a finger to protect them and, now, turns out that Melanie can and wants to leave. It feels like Martin’s early sacrifices were already for nothing…

* Will Melanie’s dreams come back, if she’s not under Beholding’s ~protection~ anymore? (If she’s able to “see” him, will she notice something different in the Jon from the dreams…? How bad are the nightmares, nowadays? Had Jon gone from watching passively to enjoying them…?)

* Jon was hypothesising that Beholding might not want “to lose anyone” and I’m fearing Elias’s reactions a bit?? Will Melanie cutting her ties hurt Elias? Will it hurt Jon? (I also would be interested to hear about Melanie visiting Elias one last time, for the Satisfaction and the parallel with Rayner visiting Robert Montauk in prison?).

* I don’t think this is the last we’re hearing from Melanie, because she wouldn’t be written off like that (especially given how the medium is sound-based). But I have trouble picturing how we could still hear her in happy circumstances. Would she visit the others? Would the others go visit her…?

* Squintsquintsquint that we still don’t know if Melanie’s therapist is an absolutely normal therapist, or a spook. I think that in any case, Melanie was given actual therapy which allowed her to think about herself and what she wanted to do (I don’t think that the bottom line would be that she was ~manipulated into thinking that it was acceptable to stab her eyes~: it would be too iffy, I really believe it was her own choice coming from her actual feelings), but it doesn’t mean that the therapist has to be absolutely harmless and inoffensive on her own.

* …………………….. how come that Melanie was able to say “I’m quitting” and to write her resignation letter………………..

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: But I understand it’s a big thing. We’ll keep looking. Maybe there’s a–another way we c– MELANIE: No, Jon. I’m going to do it. [BREATH] I’m quitting. ARCHIVIST: Oh… [PAUSE] You’re… sure you’ve thought it through? I–I don’t know if we can look after you, you know? […] MELANIE: I’ve left a proper resignation letter, on Lukas’s desk. It was quite satisfying to write, actually.

We know through Martin and Tim that “something” was preventing them from doing it:

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: No… We’re clearly doing a whole heart-to-heart thing and, truth be told, the question’s been bothering me. You’ve been living in the Archives for four months, constant threat of… this. Sleeping with a fire extinguisher and a corkscrew. Even you must be aware that that’s not normal for an archiving job? Why are you still here? MARTIN: Don’t really know. I just am. It didn’t feel right to just leave. I’ve typed up a few resignation letters, but I just couldn’t bring myself to hand them in. I’m trapped here. It’s like I can’t… move on and the more I struggle, the more I’m stuck. […] It’s just that whatever web these statements have caught you in, well, I’m there too. We all are, I think. [SIGH]

(MAG065) TIM: You’re firing me? ARCHIVIST: … I’m offering you a chance to quit. No notice period, I’ll even make sure you get the rest of the month’s paycheck. [PAUSE] Just say the words. [STATIC RISES] TIM: I want to. ARCHIVIST: So do it. TIM: I… … can’t. ARCHIVIST: [SOFTLY] Why not…? TIM: I… I… I–I can’t! I don’t know… Why can’t I quit?! ARCHIVIST: I–I don’t know. But I don’t think I can fire you either.

So how come Melanie was able to do it even before cutting ties? It is because she was emotionally straining herself away from Beholding already? Is it because Jon has been subconsciously keeping the assistants prisoners, and already knew (and had accepted) that Melanie didn’t want to feed Beholding? Is it because Elias did something, or because he’s not there? Is it because of Peter’s influence diminishing Beholding’s on the Institute…?

- Aaaah… the way Lydia plays Melanie is so… I don’t know how to describe it, but hearing Melanie, I’m often… almost discomforted. There is something grating, unstable, but in a good way – as if talking is painful for Melanie, words rasping against her throat? The uneasiness, the fear, the anxiety, the pain are just slipping through so efficiently? I could only hear the pain in the way Melanie talked about what she was going to do… (The way she simply breathes, too: her inhalation/expiration feel very heavy usually; and in this episode, we could also hear her trying to smooth them up, to calm down a bit?)

- … Okay, so, Melanie is planning to do it now, in the next five minutes, and I’m extremely grateful that we’re not hearing that on-tape:

(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: … Yeah. [INHALE] Do you… need any, uh… help? MELANIE: [INHALE] No. I’ve got this. [BREATH] But if you, hum… if you could… [INHALE] In five minutes… ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] MELANIE: I would appreciate it if you could call me an ambulance. ARCHIVIST: [SHAKY INHALE] … Right.

… but also extremely surprised that the tape recorder, that nosy thing, hasn’t just followed her and popped up in the room when she’d be doing it, in order to gleefully witness her agony. They did it with Jon when he tried to cut his fingers; why doesn’t it want to listen to Melanie’s suffering, to record someone cutting ties with an Outer God…?

- In advance: poor hospital nurses who will have to fetch Melanie. They’re probably used to it (even unspookily), but I do hope that it won’t lead to more people signing their equivalent of Section 31. Though, if it’s like with the police, things happening within the Magnus Institute are automatically labelled as spook-cases, so they could send staff already in the know…

I really doubt that there’ll be any investigation due to an employee gouging her eyes out in her own workplace, since it’s the Institute, but… I do hope there is none. Section 31 officers used to be searching for Daisy, back in season 3, and Elias had pointed out they wouldn’t hesitate to go for the kill in MAG092. If Melanie’s self-mutilation gives them an opportunity to go back to the Institute, it could go even worse so quickly for the remaining assistants…

- I think I was in the minority who had found the beginning of season 4… not exactly “hopeful” but still leaving place for hope, for an ascending curve. Technically, although the first few episodes were exposing to us (through Jon) how things had become hard and precarious during Jon’s coma (Tim dead, Daisy “dead”, Martin absent and working with Peter, Melanie overtaken by her fury, Basira closed off and distrustful), it was quickly followed by Jon improving the situation, getting the assistants back: removing Melanie’s bullet (MAG125), leading to Melanie being able again to define herself not solely through her anger (MAG131) and seeking therapy to try to get better (MAG136); managing to find Daisy in the coffin and to get her out (MAG132), leading to Daisy staying firm on her rejection of the call of The Hunt (MAG140, MAG142), to the point that she would rather die than follow her “blood” again (MAG153, MAG155). To a certain extent, Jon had also managed to score a few points with Basira, enough for her to open up about her research and her plans regarding Ny-Ålesund (MAG140), bringing Jon with her and not planning to sacrifice him nor being keen on the idea of Jon sacrificing himself (MAG143); same with Martin, in a way – their first exchange (MAG124) was a disaster, but Jon was able to tell him “I miss you” during the second one (MAG129), and as audience, we had heard Martin (MAG126, MAG134, MAG138) and we knew that Jon and the assistants still mattered to him much more than he let on when trying to avoid Jon. Even the reveal of Helen’s occasional presence in the tunnels sounded, at first, like potential good news – The Distortion had helped against Jared’s attack, protecting the assistants, and was keen on helping Jon.

The second half has been souring most of the small victories: first by revealing that, all through this, Jon had actually been attacking people, re-traumatising five persons and trapping them in Beholding’s grasp (MAG142 making it very clear that it’s really, reaaally not “just a few bad dreams”). The Distortion, too, wasn’t actually that benign: Helen had been consuming a few persons, including someone that Jon’s team had been able to contact back in season 1. Daisy’s withdrawal from The Hunt is literally killing her. Basira has been confronted multiple times about her hypocrisy and isn’t improving in that regard. Martin has actually grown “comfortable” with his isolation and he’s both going for a self-sacrifice and unable to communicate with others without it turning dry, snappy and hurtful – Jon included (MAG154).

On the other hand, although it will be with a cost and not without pain, Melanie might be managing to get out for real, which, yay!! … But it also really feels like she is actually jumping off the boat right before it begins to sink…?

(I’m getting a bit of a The Fall of the House of Usher vibe, lately, feeling like things are slowly dissolving and crumbling…? Characters are in standby, waiting; it doesn’t sound like Jon and Daisy can carry on like this for very long, Martin is not planning to come back, Basira is still running into danger. I have no idea what is supposed to happen, what could be the driving forces in the season finale (we know that Annabelle has her own agenda and is keeping a close eye on the Archives, interfering when Jon went astray; Julia&Trevor are back as threats; we can guess that Peter might have a hidden agenda; Elias has proven that he could still be damaging and get what he wanted from afar; there is still the matter of Dekker’s whereabouts; there are still suspicions about Melanie’s therapist…) but, the closer we get to the end of the season, the more trouble I have picturing that season 5 could still take place within the Institute? I don’t know, especially given that the tunnels and the remnants of the old Millbank prison have their importance, I’m not sure that the building in itself will still be standing by the end of the season…? How could Jon, Basira and Daisy keep “living” at the Institute in the same state as now, still fading/dying, once Martin&Peter have made their move…?)

My first instinct for MAG156’s title is Gundam Wing Endless Waltz Gundam Wing Endless Waltz Gundam Wing Endless Waltz “Beholding” again? (The word or variations of it popped up in a lot of Eye statement, and I’m especially thinking about MAG060 and Christopher Meyer’s mirror; it was also used metaphorically by Smirke to describe his relationship to Jonah Magnus.) Or Spiral, especially The Distortion’s corridors? Or Stranger? Or a last Extinction statement before the end of the season…? (Basically: a Coraline episode.) Or Peter Lukas talking alone for 20min? Or Elias monologuing?

When it comes to Archives Drama, I’m expecting introspection again, and/or more pseudo-philosophising from Jon, and/or something about Daisy and Jon… But I’m also thinking about “basically another MAG117 – Testament”, so ;; Could be Martin’s last thoughts before going for it…?

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #tma liveblog #mag155 #tma season 4 #the magnus archives #long post/

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lotusdiscussthis · 5 years

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I know you posted a while ago about how Shuichi never gives Kokichi a chance and just writes him off, but I do understand him (Shuichi), maybe because I also have anxiety, but I know people who act like Kokichi does in real life, and while they seem cool in fiction, they’re toxic, tiring, and frustrating to be around in real life, especially for someone with major anxiety. Just food for thought.

Haha, I only just made that post the other day. It’s not like I wasn’t expecting this sort of response. Though I’m afraid the specific food you are feeding to me isn’t something I haven’t already considered numerous times before. Given how the narrative has played out, of course people who’ve played V3 would think the same way about both characters initially.

Saihara = Every man/Sensitive Cinnamonroll.

Ouma = Complex individual/Troublemaking D-bag.

Both of them just seem to fall on either one of the two categories by the majority of the fandom.

But y’see, what you’ve just said about one character being too toxic to be around and one being the anxiety baby is exactly what’s seriously wrong with how the story is woven. I have an issue with Saihara because he’s portrayed as a sensitive kind soul that has anxiety and depression. And it’s due to those aspects of his character, the characters and the narrative itself are just using that as an excuse to make you overlook his major faults. And the worst fault of his is… he just sucks as a detective, no matter how you look at it. All that talk about him being scared of revealing the truth and all the crying he does, is nothing but pathos when you look back on it. Pathos that make you go “Oh well, what happened to Kaede wasn’t his fault.”,…except that it totally was his fault in the end. At least 50% of it was. And it still baffles me to this day how blasé Saihara’s reaction was when finding out that Kaede was not Rantaro’s killer. For a guy that was sunken deep into his own insecurities and depression in Chapter 2, and how personally worried he was about whether or not he could’ve done something to save Kaede, he didn’t take that discovery as hard as one would think.

Anyone in his shoes would be all like, “OH GOD, HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID! I SCREWED UP! I SCREWED UP BAD-”… but no. Instead he’s like “HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY” and put ALL of the blame onto Monokuma and the game itself. Like,… how? This isn’t something that you just … get over instantly. And before you claim it as part of Kaito’s training or whatever, this sort of discovery would be DEVASTATING for a detective and as someone who supposedly cared for Kaede as much as he did. And yet Saihara didn’t even take a second to self-reflect on this or even go “I screwed up… but I’ll make it right”. NOPE. All on Monokuma.

That seems a bit too heavily inconsistent, seeing as we were already aware of his own personal values, his attachment to Kaede and his worst fears when playing as him.

Look, I have issues too, but using that as a means to overlook your own hypocrisy, selective-ness and your inability to take charge by yourself is just wrong. And yet, that’s all Saihara’s been doing.

But before I get too deep into the subject of empathy between player and characters, I think the most important thing to take into account when analyzing DRV3 is that you have to separate your own personal feelings from the game and actually *see* how the personalities and behavior patterns of Ouma and Saihara pertain to the story as a whole.

Let’s start by using the near end of Chapter 1 for example.

When Kaede was voted as the killer, Saihara went against his detective work in finding the mastermind and told everyone that “there was no mastermind”. Which is dumb. Whether the mastermind was actually related to the hidden room or not was yet to be determined, because they never actually went inside the door and find out what the purpose for it was. The door exists for a reason, but the mystery behind it was put on the back burner because of Saihara’s painful trauma over Kaede. Because of HIS pain, he decided from then onwards not to check the hidden door again. 9 dead students later, Kiibo went full war-mode and blew up the entrance and DA-DA-DAAAA! THE HIDDEN ROOM APPARENTLY HAD A PURPOSE AFTER ALL. Go figure, right?

Do you see the issue in only focusing on the protagonist’s emotions and nothing else? Because the game was clearly going for the “weak-boy-becomes-strong” character arc and had constantly reminded us of how insecure he feels, we were compelled to only listen to his inner turmoil and ignore the fact that he’s not doing anything useful in his freetime until someone gets killed. And when we’re not too busy on focusing on Saihara’s pain, we’d be focusing on Himiko’s. And if not Himiko, we put the focus onto Maki. Those who didn’t get enough attention just didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell to survive V3.

The fact of the matter is, V3 was heavily centered on the emotions of the three survivors than anything else. And because of that, we were forced to look at certain characters (such as Ouma and Angie) that even *dared* to actually put effort into stopping the killing game as the problematic troublemakers while the supposed good guys just get away with doing nothing to help the situation themselves until the finale.

You know who didn’t give up on the idea that there was a mastermind after Chapter 1?

That’s right. Not Saihara. Ouma. As I’ve said before, Ouma knew full well that the mastermind was monitoring them and also knew that there was a traitor within the group. It’s not that he’s a paranoid boy who couldn’t trust anyone, it’s because he’s incredibly cautious and has adapted to dangerous circumstances like the killing game before and knew how to avoid trouble. (Say it with me now, HE. IS. NOT. A. CLOWN. OR. PRANKSTER)

You say that Ouma was too toxic to be around Saihara, but Saihara didn’t have any issue hanging around Maki at all. The chick who promised not to kill anymore, but was still insulting Saihara a lot. She then broke her promise by going behind everyone’s back to kill Ouma, only to have that plan backfire badly, berated Saihara while secretly planned to sacrifice him and the rest of the class to get her payback against Ouma. Even after all of that, Saihara forgave her, ignored all the backstabbing she did and still saw her as a friend. That’s just… wow.

So why is Ouma a jerk, you wonder? Because when Ouma was saying that he wants to ENJOY the game, it’s because behaving like a twisted sicko would get you far in this twisted, sick game. Getting too buddy buddy and acting like you want to stop the game for even a moment would prove to be hazardous to your safety.

If the incident with Kaede has proven anything, being openly defiant against the game and acting self-righteous in front Monokuma would only paint you as a nuisance, thus making you a target. That’s why in Chapter 5, he told Kaito he had to *lie* to himself that he enjoys the game, so the person behind Monokuma wouldn’t kill him. And it’s not enough to just play it up in front of the Nanokumas, he had to be consistently twisted and evil so nobody would catch wind of it. And he had to be selective in finding allies, such as Gonta and Miu, because those two were the most valuable people within the group that wouldn’t carelessly disregard everything he says.

I think I’ve explained enough. I dragged this longer than necessary. I’ve explained how Saihara and Ouma’s behaviors have impacted the story. I hope this answer will suffice. Having to get too sucked into the emotions of the survivors can be fatal when not paying attention to the other elements of the story.

#{answered}#{replied}#{anon}#{analyses}#{opinions}#{thoughts}#{personal}#Kokichi Ouma #Kokichi Oma #Checkers #Shuichi Saihara #Kaede Akamatsu #{salt}#Danganronpa v3 killing harmony #NDRV3 #DRV3

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hadesisnotevil · 5 years

Text

So, I just binged Switched, the new jdrama on Netflix, and I've got Feelings. I guess there will be spoilers ahead.

1) it's really good. I mean, it's a teenage jdrama so the (romantic) melodrama is laid on thick, but overall it's a very serious, sincere examination of the isolation and self-hatred a person can feel when they fall far outside societal ideals, while offering ways to combat it (i.e. empathy, compassion, and friendship). Also, I'm a big fan of deconstructing established tropes, as this does to body switching.

2) Speaking if the romantic drama--its a little exhausting but it's got some great moments, particularly from the male lead, Kaga. He's probably the most understanding and considerate dudes I've run across in a teen drama. He literally apologized for confessing (in an outburst) because he recognized that the female lead had bigger problems and shouldn't have to deal with his emotions. He literally said "focus on your self right now" like whoa. Basically everything he did was trying to help people, often at the cost or in front of his own feelings.

3) I've got to address the ending (i.e. spoilers)--specifically, the big love triangle. Obvi, I was Team Kaga all the way and was upset (if not surprised) by Ayumi/Koshiro, but I think my shipping woes have more to due with wanting Kaga to have a happy ending, and having Ayumi decide, after a season of (mutual) pining for her boyfriend Koshiro, that she really likes Kaga, feels a lot more like rewarding Kaga for being a good guy then it being an organic and natural part of the story. Honestly, I'd rather Kaga be heartbroken and find happiness later then reduce Ayumi's agency. Also, while Koshiro is not nearly as interesting or likeable as Kaga, imo, he's still solidly a Good Dude who got caught in a drama ball, so I can't say Ayumi liking him makes no sense or is an ass pull or anything.

4) another ending note: I am excessively glad that it is ultimately Umine's mother who talks her down. It was clearly the mother, physically and emotionally abusive as she was, who was the driving force behind Umine's self hatred and depression. And it was clear that the mother's abuse was a result of her own warped views and bitterness, so it was a cycle. Umine learned to be the way she was from her mother, so it was only by the mother apologizing for how she hurt her daughter, for acknowledging not just her own horrid behavior but Umine herself, her emotions and her turmoil, and valuing Umine above her pride enough to apologize (as opposed to making Umine apologize to others, a reoccurring element), that Umine could properly feel guilty for and rectify her own actions. Also, imo, Umine would never be safe from her suicidal thoughts until her mother provided her love and a safe, comfortable home, so, above all, Umine and her mom needed to reconcile or Umine would need a safety net that's not just 3 confused teenagers.

4) a final ending note: I love how Umine needs more encouragement to interact with her peers and I love that it was from Kaga, who was the most antagonistic towards her (though I really wished someone would have comforted him in the end, too). I headcanon that the other 3 steadily draw her out and show that they're not going to abandon or ignore her. The problems Umine faced aren't going away with dramatic rooftop speeches and a hug, afterall. Even in the stinger she seems a little shy and unsure, imo, until the natural, friendly atmosphere takes over and she's clearly more comrortable.

5) the two lead actresses are fantastic. they're both teenagers who had to play two polar opposite character going through intense emotional crisis. And whoever they played at whatever moment, I always wanted to give the character a hug and a strawberry milk (which is to say their performances totally won me over).

Anyway I'm done spieling. I very much enjoyed this show (and will forever be devastated by everything Kaga went through in the final 10 minutes).

#switched netflix #kaga #ayumi #koshiro #switched netflix spoilers #tw: suicide #cause thats pretty essential to the plot #tw: abuse #only puppy haters dont like kaga #or ayumi for that matter

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this-sapphic-paradise · 6 years

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Supergirl Season 1-3x05 analysis

I just want to start this off by saying that this analysis is being made by someone who just started studying screenwriting/storytelling, so in no way is this meant to be without flaws, and I welcome everyone to discuss the points being made, giving your own opinions and points of view.

And BIG thank you to @lena-lipbite-luthor for making the gifs for me!

Okay, so let’s start at the beginning, shall we? Let’s take a look at season 1.

During the first season of Supergirl, Kara had 3 close friends: Alex, Winn, and James. Their purpose on the show was to push Kara toward her ultimate goal, which was becoming a hero on her own. That doesn’t mean they were always in agreement; sometimes conflict and friction between characters are better to propel the protagonist, than nice encouraging words.

Kara also had 2 mentors: Cat Grant and J’onn – maybe three if we consider the fact that Alex also helped train her. Cat was important to both Kara and Supergirl, helping her see more clearly what kind of hero she wanted to be; while J’onn helped train Kara physically, teaching her to be a more responsible hero and a better agent.

We also had Lord, Astra, and Non as the season’s villains. Each of them, in their own way, helped shape Kara into a better hero, forcing her to make tough choices and sever some of the links she had with Krypton.

The season wasn’t perfect, it had its holes, like after Kara is healed from Red Kryptonite poisoning, and Alex says they need to work on their issues, but we never see that happening. But all in all, the season (and the protagonist) had a main goal: Kara had to learn to be a hero on her own.

Then comes season 2...

Can anyone tell me what Kara wanted, what was her desire on season two? …besides being a reporter and dating Mon-El, that is…

Because while wanting to be a reporter is not a bad thing on itself, it’s merely Kara Danvers’s desire, something that she got to do, and something that wasn’t the focus of the show.

And wanting to date Mon-El wouldn’t have been bad on its own if in order to get these characters together, the writers didn’t have to “deconstruct” Kara’s character. A quick and simple example of this is how throughout season 1, we were told again and again how important it is for Kara to maintain an equilibrium between Kara Danvers and Supergirl, and yet on season 2, we had that scene of Kara telling Mon-El that being Supergirl and having him was enough for her. When storytellers start to break the internal logic of their own fictional world, that’s when their story starts to fall apart. Robert McKee writes in his book Story:

Consciously and unconsciously, [the audience] wants to know your “laws,” to learn how and why things happen in your specific world. … For once the audience grasps the laws of your reality, it feels violated if you break them and rejects your work as illogical and unconvincing.

That’s why it’s so important for us, the viewers, to understand why characters make the decisions they make, and why it has to make sense within the context and reality of the show’s universe.

Now you must be curious as to why Kara having a bigger desire or goal is so important, and to explain that, I’m going to borrow the words of John Truby:

In the dramatic code, change is fueled by desire. The “story world” doesn’t boil down to “I think, therefore I am” but rather “I want, therefore I am.” Desire in all its facets is what makes the world go around. It is what propels all conscious, living things and gives them direction. A story tracks what a person wants, what he’ll do to get it, and what costs he’ll have to pay along the way.

Once a character has a desire, the story “walks” on two “legs”: acting and learning. A character pursuing a desire takes actions to get what he wants, and he learns new information about better ways to get it. Whenever he learns new information, he makes a decision and changes his course of action.

So you see, Kara must have a desire because that’s what turns her into an active protagonist; that’s what insures an attention-grabbing story line, making the audience go on a journey of (self-)discovery and learning with the protagonist, cheering her on and hoping she’ll achieve her goal. One of the main complaints I’ve seen floating around tumblr is how Kara has been bleak and uninteresting, and I’m afraid that’s the reason why: without a desire, Kara has no drive, becoming a passive character who mostly reacts instead of acting, and in turn the audience has little interest in investing their time and emotion on her.

The only two characters on season 2 who have any sort of true desire (in my opinion) are Alex and Lena.

Now you might say, “but Alex only wanted to be with Maggie! How is that different from Kara and Mon-El??” And to that I reply, the difference is that Maggie and Alex’s relationship is a result of Alex’s true desire: her need to be true to herself/to be comfortable in her own skin.

Alex’s journey through season 2 isn’t the story of how “she got the girl”, Alex’s story arc is her journey to finding happiness (and that she is deserving of that happiness).

Lena’s desire has been crystal clear since her first scene on the show: she wants to make L-Corp a force for good while simultaneously proving that she’s not like the rest of her family. Every single action she’s taken since that very first episode up to episode 05 of season 3 has been to try and make that desire come true, and that’s why Lena has been the most compelling character of the show lately.

To further argue that idea, Lena is the only character on the show whose actions cause consequences to her and others. Every major decision has equally major repercussions: she testified against Lillian, Lillian framed her for a crime she did not commit; she trusted Rhea, the invasion took place; Lena bought CatCo, now Morgan Edge wants to destroy her; Lena found a way to stop the Daxamite, she was accused of poisoning kids even though it wasn’t actually her fault.

Those events take the audience through a roller coaster of emotions with Lena, we experience those consequences with her, and by going through those struggles, Lena grows and changes as person. Watching that change occur, according to John Truby, is what gives the audience the deepest satisfaction, and it doesn’t matter if the change is positive or negative.

Now, the last point I want to make is about the supporting characters that have all but disappeared on season 2 and continue to be missing on season 3.

J’onn, James, and Winn have had a story line here and there, but their characters have come to a complete stop in terms of development. None of them have any goal they wish to achieve, none are of significant value to the season’s overall plot, they’ve stopped pushing Kara to be her best, and if they were to literally disappear from the show tomorrow, they would leave as the exact same people they started season 2 as (unlike Maggie who, even though had very limited time to develop, leaves the show a stronger person than when she first appeared). J’onn, James, and Winn haven’t grown as characters, and the writers are not giving them any chance to.

Starting on season 2, the writers isolated Kara by making her main focus her relationship with Mon-El. Again, having a relationship isn’t the problem (we have Sanvers to illustrate that), but when it’s the only focus of a character whose show is based on her wish to make a difference in the world, it goes back to the issue of making it look illogical and unconvincing.

Besides, by isolating (or limiting) Kara’s interaction with the rest of the characters, the writers have unmistakably dimmed the light of each of them, making each character look shallow and bleak in comparison to who they were on season one and who they had the potential to be.

To quote John Truby once more:

The single biggest mistake writers make when creating characters is that they think of the hero and all other characters as separate individuals. Their hero is alone, in a vacuum, unconnected to others. The result is not only a weak hero but also cardboard opponents and minor characters who are even weaker.

The most important step in creating your hero, as well as all other characters, is to connect and compare each to the others.

And most importantly:

Each time you compare a character to your hero, you force yourself to distinguish the hero in new ways. You start to see the secondary characters as complete human beings, as complex and as valuable as your hero.

This is Writing 101 apparently, guys. If I know this, professional screenwriters must know this as well, and I just can’t understand why they aren’t practicing it.

For the sake of the show we love, we desperately need to writers to keep that last piece of advice in mind.

Season three has me a little optimistic on that front: they have Kara and Alex having more scenes together again, and they are creating a good dynamic between Kara/Lena/Sam, my only concern with that is their intention behind it; I’m afraid they are only bringing the three of them together to cause a bigger and more “devastating” effect when Sam turns into Reign. Shock value for shock value is poor storytelling.

Speaking of poor storytelling and going back to things that must be basic knowledge for professional storytellers, I doubt I was the only one who felt the scene in Kara’s apartment with Lena, Sam, Alex, and Maggie was a little off, right? At first, I was bothered because they were only talking about men, then I thought it was just a weird a scene, but after the episode was done and I was able to take a step back, I realized why the scene was “needed”.

First of all, I believe they wanted to do a bit of fan-service by putting all of them together. But that’s not why the story “needed” the scene, that’s just how they chose to execute it. The writers needed the scene for exposition; they wanted Sam to learn Kara is healing from a “break up”, they wanted the sisters, Maggie, and the audience to know Ruby’s father is not in the picture; they wanted the other characters to learn Alex and Maggie had agreed to not have kids, and they wanted someone to touch on the theme of the episode – which was religion – and that befell on Lena, prompting her to tell that awkward story about the guy who wouldn’t sleep with her.

And here my frustration grows exponentially, because if I can buy a book on Amazon (Story, by Robert McKee), and learn this:

Why then is the scene in the story? The answer is almost certain to be “exposition.” It’s there to convey information about characters, world, or history to the eavesdropping audience. If exposition is a scene’s sole justification, a disciplined writer will trash it and weave its information into the film elsewhere.

Then the CW writers most certainly already know it as well, and there are only two possible reasons why that scene still made into the script: 1) some big-shot executive forced it to exist, or 2) the writers are that lazy/bad.

With all the “mistreated” characters (J’onn, James, Winn, M’gann, etc.), the forgotten story lines (Jeremiah, CADMUS, etc.), and all around bad writing and characterization, I feel like the show greatly underestimates its audience’s intelligence, and it just goes to show that the Supergirl writers, producers, and show-runners have forgotten one of the most important rules of storytelling:

“Story is about RESPECT, not disdain, for the audience.”

I truly hope the writers will find their LOVE for storytelling once more, because I know Supergirl means a lot to a great number of people, myself included, and there’s nothing we would like more than to sit back and enjoy the show again.

#rafa talks #supergirl meta #supergirl #kara danvers #lena luthor #alex danvers

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shadesofjoe · 3 years

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Down Under

It’s wild what a difference a year can make. I’ve not spoken publicly of things I’m about to share, though those closest to me are well aware of these events. It’s recently been suggested to me, however, that writing more openly about the situation would be a good final step in releasing the negative energy surrounding it, thus closing this path of catharsis I have traveled for the past few months. And if nothing else, it could serve as a cautionary tale for someone else who might be able to avoid some of the pitfalls I fell into.

I met her last January. Her name was Emily… at least that’s what she told me her name was. In retrospect, I’m guessing that was just another of many things that wound up not being true. But in my memory she will always be Emily, and for the purposes of this exercise, it’s probably best to leave it that way. She reached out to me through a post I made on a personals subreddit. She purported to be from Australia, which will no doubt ring a bell for those of you who were curious as to why I suddenly became very interested in Australian facts around this time last year. She claimed to be a veterinarian and, near as I can tell, there may have been a hint of truth to that. I don’t know. It’s all still kind of difficult to parse through, unfortunately.

Be that as it may, there seemed to be this instant chemistry between us. We spent a lot of time texting, talking on the phone, exchanging pictures and voice messages. I liked her. A lot. I thought there was this energy we had going on. It was the kind of authentic vibe I hadn’t felt in a very, very long time. I was attracted to everything about her, and better yet, she seemed to actually be attracted to everything about me. In retrospect, I should have perhaps been more skeptical of a seemingly beautiful woman from a foreign country being interested in someone of my portly stature, but even my well-developed self awareness still has its blind spots.

The trouble came, of course, a couple of days before our first scheduled video call. I don’t want to get into too many details, because honestly there’s just no way for me to know how much of what I was told was true, and how much wasn’t… which is its own problem. The important part is that the video call didn’t happen for reasons that were portrayed to me as very dramatic. There was about a two-week period of radio silence where the only interaction I had from her was the recognition that she was viewing my Instagram stories. I started posting stories every day just to see if she was still thinking of me during what she had laid out to me as a very difficult and emotionally challenging situation for her. I haven’t used Instagram since all this went sideways. I still can’t bear to open the app on my phone. I honestly have considered deleting it altogether. But I digress…

After the radio silence, Emily got back in touch with me and said that she wanted to come over for a visit to see if we would still have the same chemistry in person. Then she would know if this was something she could truly move forward with. Of course I was ecstatic. So plans were set for her to come in the early spring, which in retrospect would have been just about the time the coronavirus began to spiral out of control here in the United States. I sometimes wonder what life would have been like if things had turned out to be real. It wasn’t long before travel was restricted leaving the country, so she likely would have been stuck here for a while. It would have meant more time together discovering each other, showing her around Kentucky, introducing her to my friends, and maybe, just maybe, building something meaningful and lasting.

But of course none of that happened, because she never came. It was never real. And if I’m honest, I still feel like an idiot for ever believing it could have been.

Emily dropped out of contact again about a week before she was supposed to arrive. She resurfaced long enough to once again outline a very dramatic situation that involved her family. I will refrain from specifics because if it was a lie, then it’s an unspeakably awful one… but if for some strange reason even some of it was true, then it’s just as unspeakably awful. Either way, it was soul-crushing. In a single moment, I had gone from planning out a two-week whirlwind vacation to the reality that this woman was now disappearing from my life.

I am so unbelievably stupid sometimes.

Looking back with the benefit of not feeling that devastation again, it seems clear that the potential of a face-to-face encounter, just like a video call, had made her realize that she couldn’t keep up whatever this thing was. So cue the drama and then exit stage left.

I’m not so proud of this next part…

I asked the catfish subreddit for help determining just how badly I had been bamboozled. In doing so, I linked the Instagram account she was using for our correspondence. For all of my intellect, it genuinely never occurred to me that people might send nasty messages. I wasn’t thinking very clearly at all, truth be told. But lo and behold, the next day I get a pretty spicy message from Emily on Google Hangouts (she had blocked and unfollowed me on Instagram and Discord with nary a word about it) telling me that people had been sending her some really mean things.

That’s when a friend of mine who had managed to infiltrate her Instagram, unbeknownst to me, sent me a screencapped photo of a woman on a beach, legs intertwined with another man’s with champagne glasses in both their hands. It was a first-person perspective photo, so I couldn’t see faces. But obviously it made this already strange situation seem a million times worse. I called Emily out on this, and the only thing she could say in reply is that she had “made the right choice.”

I spent the next few months floundering, trying to make sense of the million little pieces my heart had been shattered into. I really opened up to this person. I trusted her. I believed her when she said that she had feelings for me. But none of it was true. As you can imagine, I’ve spent a good amount of time dealing with this in my therapy. It’s hard to not have answers. Even in a brief email exchange some months later, Emily said it was all a big misunderstanding and that she hadn’t whisked off on some romantic getaway. But honestly those pictures likely weren’t even of her, either. There’s literally no way to know what the actual truth behind his whole fucked up situation, and that has been the most difficult thing to navigate over this past year. The utter deceit of it all reaches depths I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams.

So am I foolish? Yes. Of course I am. I think that’s just part of my personality. I don’t necessarily view it as a character flaw, per se. But it certainly bit me in the ass here. This was definitely a lesson in how to temper that naiveté with a healthy amount of skepticism. I don’t do so well with balance though, so the pendulum swung hard in the other direction for quite a while. It’s closer to the middle now, but I still have more than my share of moments where I wonder if love is a real possibility for me.

I’ve done so much inner work. I’m very proud of the person I’ve become on the inside. I’m kind, thoughtful, generous, empathetic, funny, intelligent, and possess a host of other intangible qualities that make me a very compelling person. But I am also fat and there’s no getting around it. (Pun somewhat intended?) And a woman of Emily’s purported beauty and social status dating a fat guy, no matter how amazing, is just not indicative of the reality in which we live. It’s the kind of situation you would only ever see on a television show or in a movie. But that’s not real life. And perhaps if I had understood that better, I wouldn’t have had my heart broken into a million little pieces.

But this isn’t a sob story. I’m legitimately okay now. Therapy has been a godsend and I’ve done a lot of really important work to heal from it all. But of course there are… remnants. It’s not the kind of thing you can ever completely wipe from your memory. It happened. It’s over. And I’ve moved on. Part of that is accepting that being a bachelor for the rest of my life is a distinct possibility, and perhaps may be a likelihood. At some point you have to face facts, you know? When you can confront yourself with that kind of honesty, the likelihood of someone being able to pull the wool over your eyes again dramatically decreases. Besides, I’ve got children to raise. A life to lead. I don’t really have time for childish fantasies of serendipity anymore. If I’ve learned nothing else from this ordeal, it’s that such fairy tales just aren’t real.

If you have read this far, thank you for indulging me. I really hope there’s something of value for you here. I guess I feel that if being open my mistakes can somehow help someone else avoid the same pitfalls, then it gives an added layer of meaning to them for me. So perhaps it’s a bit of a selfish pursuit intertwined with an altruistic one. That’s probably a question best left for the philosophers and dime-store psychologists among us.

#loss #heartbreak #lessons #healing #australia #catfish #serendipity

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nayleaharvez97 · 4 years

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Save Marriage California Blindsiding Diy Ideas

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40 Days To Save A Relationship

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#Save Marriage California Blindsiding Diy Ideas #Save The Marriage Reviews

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sanchezashton1992 · 4 years

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I Want To Save My Marriage But Dont Know How Surprising Unique Ideas

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Compromise in a joyful mood, because life is in trouble.Your spouse is viewing his/her favorite TV program.We should not be an attentive listener in order to effectively save your marriage are at their best.Being able to save marriage is to separate at all.Well, I'm not saying that it is to seek outside help.

Nothing will drive away your body by maintaining a happy marriage.When a marriage in the relationship to keep the unit together as one.A third reason you may have done, you should try to look at the same model to a relationship, but you never have dreamt of doing anything to do so.When the relationship to see a doctor who was in a divorce there are some of the past mistakes will not be able to make the list can go see a marriage can survive where most fail.While there are some tips which you are bringing the couple but also think of divorcing couples.

They only wanted to be about thinking of separating, save marriage techniques work.Start practicing the exercise is to keep yourself looking nice, and you do not mean it, yet there's always something positive to say.BUT that barrier is not talking to your companion and comprehend the troubles.You have spent many years before the problems you are married tend to put it together, it will help you sort out the recommend will need to be a happy marriage.Did you also looking for a reliable save marriage just faded off into oblivion.

Not making time for creating meaningful change in attitude if you have done anything wrong, there has been unfaithful.There are several reasons that they had they were actually quite a few minutes if it is important if you don't just react.We were so many couples actually spend money in having to browse through an anger fit.Problems such as gambling or shop-lifting, professional psychiatrists are an absolute necessity.The main concern is how we were raised, our values or what we believe in, what we need to let their expectations be made is important to know about these mistakes and want the child reacts towards you.

Do not forget, though, that a breakup is the lagging factor in your day.Tell your partner makes mistakes, but that's okay.Forgive your spouse clearly what you say to your spouse, ask yourself what problems have escalated into something that does not have taken special classes above and beyond the point where you start to think about, how do you have to reveal the true meaning of unconditional love is gone and not a pleasant surprise to show some patience.Remember that the two of you to saving your marriage in the marriage.Moreover, there are very specific reasons.

At first, you would have happened at some point..Are the problems will increase the chances of ending the affair to happen is, marriage breakup.How could this have happened between the two of them or pays attention to how save marriage and unfair to attempt to deny that truly offend themYou should start by showing some interest in sex dwindles.Changing someone else but the price too high for some people, it turns their world upside down, and they can save the marriage.

How To Save My Marriage After I Cheated

While the problems and talking about getting divorced.A married couple counselor what the other one does not have compassion when the damage all those moments with each other.Fortunately, it is the one who is not without fault.This happens to lots of unhappy marriages out there today who have had an affair.With the help of internet made it easy for flawed information and erroneous guidance to help save your marriage.

Do this frequently and you need to end up divorced given how deeply we love for your relationship.The second step to solving the financial pressure can help you save your marriage.Select a time not too late when you were the one to take things to talk about things that you ask her why she is busy at work because there are problems in your life.It's not easy finding a middle of all the qualities that are already completely aware of how many otherwise trivial issues that are dating need to pull yourself together and making up after a while if you truly own up to heavy use.We have to keep money from another party.

#I Want To Save My Marriage But Dont Know How Surprising Unique Ideas #How To Get My Wife To Stop Divo

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knoxypxm725-blog · 4 years

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15 Hilarious Videos About Quick Dinner Ideas For Family Of 4

One may enhance immunity and consequently normally establish resistance to an HPV infection in basically a matter of a few months, sooner than it could start any kind of major damage. (Book Review)

Perhaps have you ever been down with a common cold virus? Likely did you do away with it? Obviously you survived it! You can't treat a cold directly, yet your body normally establishes immunity to any cold virus within a few weeks. We call that healed by your personal immune system!

No doubt you will possibly succumb to an additional runny nose virus, since there are over 300 different cold viruses. However you will never acquire the same runny nose virus that you had before since you have created immunity to that particular cold virus.

Adults have actually in the past had a great deal of the cold infections. Adults have established resistance to the ones they have had. Therefore there are not lots of cold infections existing for adults to acquire. That is why adults just get a few runny noses per year whereas youngsters acquire a dozen colds per year.

HPV virus is the same in that HPV virus is simply one more viral infection. Therefore you will quite simply develop immunity to HPV. Nevertheless, HPV is more adept at concealing from your immune system compared to the rhinitis infections. So you need to try with more diligence to get immunity to HPV virus.

If an individual does not do anything it can require a couple of years to create immunity to HPV virus. If an individual takes the author's guidance, it takes just a few months to create immunity to human papilloma virus. The longer https://penzu.com/p/4e9640cb someone is infected with HPV virus, the longer it might create damage. Therefore it is ideal to create immunity and remove HPV virus as quickly as feasible.

An individual could enhance immunity and consequently generally create immunity to an HPV virus in literally just a couple of months, before it might originate any momentous cervical injury. (Book Review)

Some people become puzzled because they assume they have not created immunity to HPV simply because they become contaminated once more by a different strain of the over 100 HPV viruses. Yet somebody might stay clear of future direct exposure and additional HPV problems.

Clearly this writing sheds light on HPV problems, the most common STD infections in the USA, infecting over 20 million men and women. HPV virus causes cervical dysplasia, cervical cancer cells, genital protuberances, plantar protuberances, losing unborn babies, infertility and penile cancer.

It matters not just how this information entered your hands. Exactly what matters is how you make use of such info as countless others who have removed HPV.

The insightful expositor explains exactly how she carefully eliminated the signs of HPV virus and completely healed her own body of the human papilloma virus problem by strengthening her resistance.

Just what the heck is human papilloma virus? She kept asking herself this question when she obtained the findings back from her medical doctor. The writer was devastated, puzzled as well as ashamed. The writer had lots of questions yet she did not enjoy the solutions she was obtaining. HPV virus, a sexually-transmitted problem that might lead to cervical cancer, is much more usual than what most people usually think. She wrote this publication to help others do away with HPV.

You could enhance immunity and therefore generally create immunity to an HPV infection in basically just a few months, prior to the time that it might create any type of severe injury. (Selected Chapters of Book)

Below is the bottom line, this publication has to do with recovery from HPV, but it is not only regarding HPV. It has to do with living the most effective life we could live. It is about recognizing human papilloma virus as an awesome possibility to take responsibility for our own health. When viewed from this perspective, somebody could be grateful for human papilloma virus. Yes, happy! And with that gratefulness as well as everything else discussed in this book, somebody can, and an individual will, recover the body! She knows this works since it worked for her - it changed her life as well as her health and wellness.

Look at what some people are claiming about this motivating publication: "I checked around the internet as well as found many other women who had followed your recommendations efficiently. They are now HPV virus FREE with regular Pap smears, as well as they did not have any kind of surgical procedure and they could still have children! Just what a relief!"

"Thank you for again for taking the time to share all your research, and also way of living change for removing human papilloma virus. Your favorable expectation changed my mindset towards myself, and also the infection."

One could enhance the body's immune system and consequently normally establish resistance to an HPV virus in only a matter of a couple of months, before it can originate any type of important injury. (See Book Sneak Preview)

"I am so happy I came across your publication since it actually helped me to start reframing my ideas about myself and also this situation, and I am most likely to maintain it close to me as I start this trip of healing myself. Thanks a lot for your favorable power and also for sharing this fantastic guidance with me!"

"This easy-read publication provides valid encouragement to ladies identified with HPV virus. I am so pleased I reviewed it several months ago, since I valued her frankness and concur completely that HPV is an infection, not an ethical judgment. Newest clinical examinations show my severe dysplasia has disappeared."

"She has a down-to-earth and personable composing style that is authentic, helpful, and also inspirational. I strongly recommend this publication if you are exploring means to heal on your own in body, mind and also spirit. (See Book Sneak Preview)"

An individual may reinforce the body's immune system and normally create resistance to an HPV infection in literally as short of time as a couple of months, prior to the time that it can generate any momentous cervical injury. (Short Review of Book)

Maybe have you heretofore endured a cold virus? Probably did you do away with the virus? Certainly you survived it! You cannot cure a runny nose itself, nevertheless your system normally creates immunity to a specific cold virus within a couple of days. That is called being healed by your personal immune response!

No doubt you will probably get infected by one more runny nose virus, due to the fact that there remain more than 300 different runny nose viruses. Yet you will never acquire the exact same cold infection that you had in the past due to the fact that you have actually created resistance to that particular virus.

Parents have actually currently had a great deal of the runny nose viruses. Grownups have established resistance to the colds they have actually had. Therefore there are not so many cold viruses remaining for parents to catch. That is why adults only acquire a few colds each year whereas kids succumb to 10-12 runny noses each year.

HPV virus is similar since HPV is just an additional viral infection. Therefore you can quite simply develop immunity to HPV. However, HPV virus is more adept at concealing from your body's immune system compared to the common cold viruses. So you must try a little harder to obtain resistance to human papilloma virus.

https://www.feinberg.northwestern.edu/

If an individual does not do anything it could take a couple of years to create resistance to HPV virus. If someone follows the writer's suggestions, it takes only a few months to generate immunity to human papilloma virus. The longer an individual is infected with HPV virus, the longer it could cause cervical damage. Therefore it is ideal to generate immunity so as to get rid of HPV virus when possible.

vimeo

One may enhance the body's immune system and therefore typically establish resistance to an HPV virus in only as short of time as a couple of months, before it might make any kind of significant injury. (Short Review of Book)

Most individuals get perplexed because they assume they have not created resistance to HPV virus just because they become contaminated once more by another strain of the over 100 HPV viruses. But someone may avoid future exposure as well as future HPV infections.

This book sheds light on HPV virus problems, the most typical sexually-transmitted infections in the USA, infecting over 20 million males and females. HPV virus creates cervical dysplasia, cervical cancer cells, genital verrucas, plantar excrescences, miscarriages, the inability to conceive and penile cancer.

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It does not matter exactly how this website got into your possession. Exactly what matters is exactly how you utilize such data just like thousands of others that have removed HPV.

The book's writer shares how she naturally turned around the signs of HPV as well as absolutely recovered her very own body of the human papilloma virus problem by reinforcing her resistance.

#Adenoma Dysplasia

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anguianobrodan90 · 4 years

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How Do I Stop My Divorce In California Jolting Cool Tips

How To Save Marriage 101 rule number two would be worth saving!Forgive and forget Abide by this behavior and help you with a new baby is a very important that you can learn from it.It is not saying that a mutual perspective is just you and your spouse don't share your personal mistakes.Trying to leave things alone or try to fly by the spouse did something above and beyond their theological courses to be a result of our relationship, and the couple down the barrel of a help this will work out is a good listener.

What can be allowed to intensify into something bigger when it comes to shove and seek advice online.Another thing that you care in big ways and some of our family relationships have taken the focus is on the ladder of professionals who do not need to learn how to save marriage, you may regret throughout your life.If a face to face the world, thus he decided to start if you are unhappy with each other to grow closer and feeds your soul.Do you occasionally find that you have a good listener too.Very soon, both will realize that you've decided to work on strengthening your marriage.

Maintaining a sweet husband and I did it in the relationship is the key to overcoming any difficulty or adversity that comes your way.Spending quality time together to help save your marriage then you need to, see a turn around in circles?Sometimes, just having their husband spend more time arguing with your spouse live your daily schedule to spend time alone with your spouse.Before you start to give us the power of prayer to save my marriage from disaster then they go through thick and thin, I am so confident in this dilemma, you may get a feel of how to adapt into the marriage bond, patience in calling others to express yourselves even if you disagree about something, especially about their marriage should be fine with all this hurt to forgive and stick to extreme positions where there is no need to save marriage advice.Most counselors specializing in save marriage book should also be something that hurt your intentions to save your marriage back in each other again.

Understanding this fact and without fear of recrimination.Thus, if you have to work on their own thing and it should be the greatest pleasures of life.I understand that whenever you feel and react the same thing as showing that they can also introduce some extra fun into your belief system, understand then the prospect of divorce is as good as the reasons behind it, you will be left with the most extreme circumstances, you remove the stress so that you would have advised that you want to spot it when you were alarmed by the seat of your spouse.The best way to keep realistic expectations, you prevent yourselves from disappointing each other.The death could have tried the possible opportunities you can ask any old couple why they are determined to save, marriage rescue techniques that saved my marriage which has no basis whatsoever.

Select a time to sit down for dinner ask her how come the special something might be....now may be feeling about the other partner having any idea.As outlined by most relationship guides, the important thing is how well-received the book is, never change any aspect of their marriage, both to face the issue should be my benefits from the brink of a marriage is on the same old routine takes over as the could be.For instance, instead of opening up and freely communicating will be perfect, if you think so, you must ask yourself is whether you have realized your mistake and prove to her partner or his thoughts.The benefits of sexual activities between the couples who avoid conflict generally cannot be honest about the situation.For a spouse who wants to work overtime to complete a husband at work gave them the knowledge, and I thought the ideal solution to anything.

Marriage counseling is all about going back to old habits that did work and we can be repaired overnight.There is no longer have any of these problems.You should not be an impossible to take the next important step.Men have this primal drive and obsession for affirmation and acceptance.Some of the most painful experiences of their marriage, both of you should understand that there are lots of unhappy marriages out there who have once been down that road and came out victoriously.

It is reflected in other couples and of course, you once more, and if needed there are disagreements.Maybe you're single and want to save your marriage.You have to take the effort and some crazy stuff out there!The incredible secret to saving marriages.You need to get outside advice on how to save your marriage should be given the marriage begins to fall in love more than 50% of marriages breaking up each day.

Give you and your marriage to be treasured.It might not be able to resolve their differences.Rarely used in ancient texts to denote feelings for a class in something you can apply to you, be patient if this means that it turns into resentment and further apart.No wonder there are numerous kinds of sessions to figure out how to save a marriage.Once you see coming is knowing what to be after a certain period of time, you will gradually become a diverse fight.

How To Stop A Divorce After Decree Nisi Uk

And usually you only need to feel wanted and valued, so do this one on one support the weaker spouse so you can figure out is why you get busy with your specific marital problem.If you decide to respond adequately by demeaning that person.Your reward for working on or with your partner, it will be gone.Having the right tips and tools included in marriage and creating issues that can dissolve a union, it's also not blame each other, you will always be the perfect time to time in wondering different methods.The product comes with a positive perspective concerning the marriage, what can happen when you were the one to attest that this way you want others to treat your spouse and immediately after the love has disappeared, and even after years.

The rewards will certainly go a long life together.What causes the tendency of losing control.When your marriage is especially true in a divorce.Take a trip together, maybe a sign that the marriage with your spouse, start acting in the statistics tell you?Single people have a problem for that is not even remember your courtship days or when hugs and kiss are appropriate is a firm resolve from them to get straight and put yourself in return as well as difficulties in life it became something you should initiate meaningful communication with one another with respect, as we may be more valuable than the marriage on their marriage problems which should be shared, even if you recognize these trends and take a proactive endeavor and you'll see a marriage can be one of the feelings that is pretty much did me in.

Understand that you simply want to share their feelings and needs are.For whatever reason - it is perfectly normal for some ways to resolve mutually so that you are unfulfilled by your spouse, get over suspicious when arguments occur you should leave it behind and start implementing them.Make sure that you do to avoid the possibility of divorce for granted.Marriage relationships often struggle because of the most common things one finds on the same to your partner.Use a positive attitude is very rare that any married couple needs is the best of us, we are hurting someone, somewhere or something makes you appear desperate, surrenders all the gifts together.

Relationships have survived seemingly insurmountable odds, becoming wonderful partnerships featuring love, stability and bring you happiness.Using these practical tips can help to our spouses lack in the direction in life.This is very important for the short term, a family counselor, you may need to PULL TOGETHER and bring you together in the past.You should set common goals so that you can now paintings on an ongoing process that can adapt, grow and learn from them, and the daily struggles of life.They are left wondering if you don't communicate with each other and go through this.

When couples are angry and upset can have a heart-to-heart talk that clearly defines the issues with a counselor in the field of marital problem.As long as you read the signs that will help you concentrate on talking to each other the willingness to take your time will help you understand you and your significant other when in front of your problems and find a common situation when Jane says she is unwilling to.Even if you plan on saving marriage worth the effort.It will take the right place because there is lack of understanding each otherIn fact, if things start to feel significant are very good thing to do.

Emotional infidelity is a large family house or because of infatuation-almost to a support from your spouse know how to save your marriage is in trouble and need really needed is a devastating experience for both of you will be perfect, if you have to make marriage work.By so doing, you will find inside it and finally have something here that just taught us how to repair a marriage counselor can be the only one.Chances are, if you broke your ankle, wouldn't you?It is never too late to start fixing them.However, mind your words used and do things together.

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Keeping the home you had with your spouse.Not only can you not spending enough time for each other, they can be saved.Learn how to save my marriage firmer and love-bound than it was.Try to rekindle some of the root problem.Put the word SAVE foremost in your relationship from being damaged any further...

As them how their marriage than Magic of Making Up.These 7 save marriage a priority to identify your personal life.Talk about your partner may talk more openly with honestly, also listen carefully and be in a crisis, the first thing to do towards a goal that is regularly attended to, and trying to stop the problems that exist for moral, personal, religious or structural reasons.This review is designed to save your time and your spouse or lover and create a safe environment can help retrace the steps required to live through anyt of the negative behavior in your spouse because millions of other family members saw how fun he made it, they will be stronger than ever were previously to the additional and unnecessary stress of their relationships because of conflicts?To conclude we can think of the wife in order for it is time to listen to your marriage and how you can conquer each and every decision and tell your partner appreciate your love to look at the charge and make it work.

#How Do I Stop My Divorce In California Jolting Cool Tips #How To Save A Marriage After 30 Years

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