#the experience itself was unreal tbh

[kristenstuwarts]

I just realized I never told you all that I met Kristen at Berlinale back in february 😭

#kristen stewart #it was weeks ago now but I felt the need to document it here for all the history I have with this site #the experience itself was unreal tbh #I laughed and cried and screamed #and she was super sweet #i still cant believe it happened

[crybabydraws]

I just listened to Hozier's album Unreal Unearth and I'm gonna explode. Holy shit what an amazing album and what an incredible artist. Here are my first impressions I got from each song.

De Selby (Part 1) - Very pretty. A beautiful song to start this album. A wonderful taste of what's to come

De Selby (Part2) - FUNKY! I'll be taking this and I will be listening to it on repeat til I'm sick of it or dead. Whichever comes first (probably death tbh).

First Time - Just a simple love song (I'm lying). It doesn't really speak to me on any kind of existential level (still lying).

Francesca - What a lovely sonG OH HOLY SHIT- (Also the ending portion of this song is heavenly, pun intended)

I, Carrion (Icarian) - I could only think about Crowley and Aziraphale when this song came on. It fits them SOOO well! Anyways, gorgeous song!

Eat Your Young - The sound of this song is so awesome and sexy for a song that uses a clever parallel to Chronos to keep the Greek mythology theme to make it about sacrificing the next generation for money and power. I live for it.

Damage Gets Done - Hozier and Brandi Carlile's voices are so pretty together. This song sounds like running through a flower filled field with someone you want to be buried next to.

Who we are - This song speaks for itself and what it has to say is beautiful and painful as shit. I love this song.

Son of Nyx - The animated masterpiece that I made in my head to this song was incredible.

All Things End - "If there was anyone to ever get through this life with their heart still intact, they didn't do it right." GODAMN SO TRUE! This song is so nice. Accepting that everything will end while still keeping hope that we'll begin again UGH! I LOVE IT!

To Someone From A Warm Climate (Uiscefhuaraithe) - Beautiful. Incredible. I'm speechless. I also cannot believe that word is pronounced that way.

Butchered Tongue - This reads to me like a poetic love letter to language, music, and to Hozier's hometown. It goes over his personal experience with growing up in his hometown and appreciating it even more as he experiences other places and recognizes even more how it has affected him. That's what I got at least. Lovely song ofc.

Anything But - If the previous song was about the love of things that make us human and connect us like language, this song is about the feeling of wanting to be anything but human or, better yet, nothing at all. So cool. I love this man.

Abstract (Psychopomp) - When I listened to this song for the first time, I didn't really pay attention to the lyrics. I still teared up. I still haven't really looked at the lyrics and I'm still emotional about it. I love music. I love life. I love that I get to experience this with my ears. I love that I can appreciate it and understand it. GOD THIS ALBUM IS SO GOOOOD!!!

Unknown/Nth - This song with a math reference in the title makes me lose my mind in the best way. "Do you know I could break beneath the weight of the goodness, love, I still carry for you that I'd walk so far just to take the injury of finally knowing you." That might just be the most emotional line I've ever heard in my life jfc.

First Light - The melodies he is singing in this song do something to me. I ascend every time that pre chorus/chorus comes in. LIKE DAMN, IF I BREATHED IN THIS SONG, I WOULD SEE INFINITY!

I need to study the lyrics of all of these songs in an academic manner soon. I could only dream of the artistry that Hozier achieved here. This album will probably change my life.

#GODAMN HOZIERRRR!!! #ramblings #hozier #unreal unearth

[yamameta-inc]

tbh my tastes are just cartoony by nature and I’m not interested in realistic characters who are just like…. Normal people. I can go outside to find those. Obviously not all books and stories use characters in the way we’ve come to expect in fandom but the use of the words “relatable” or “deeply human” even in fandompilled circles like YA just makes me like…. Why. why are you allergic to giving the protagonist a unique narrative voice, let alone letting them be an unrelatable little weirdo

but anyway, this makes female characters a uniquely interesting and difficult area because especially in fantasy contexts where nothing about what primarily defines the experience of women in our world holds true, how do you define them as women without falling back on bioessentialist notions? how much are the male characters in these stories really palpably “male” in gender in the substance of their beings rather than just our expectations and preconceptions as readers?

it’s impossible to completely extricate our ideas about gender and our specific positional perspectives even if we craft a “genderless” female character. even if we don’t have a clear picture ourselves about what womanhood would mean in this world without irl gender, some remnants of that structure and logic will be left anyway. and those will say something about us as writers. but are fantasy writers (including fandom people who think of themselves as writers) interested in exploring and interrogating that themselves, proactively?

i know that most people are interested in real gender dynamics, and writing about reality, because duh. but the realm of unreal, un-people-like people will never stop being fascinating to me. and it’s so obvious how women are afforded a much lesser range and flexibility in the realm of the imagination, exaggeration, and stylization. maybe it’s harder for people to stylize women because in many ways women are already a stylization in real life. but it reminds me of how poc are given so much less access to the fantasy in fantasy, because the genre itself wasn’t built for them, in a way that is much more complicated and difficult to resolve than simple prejudice.

[blue-jisungs]

okay i was (and still am) so tired but here we go:

1) out tickets had numbers so there was no queueing!! this way i arrived at the venue and could go in without worrying that im too late and ill miss my spot. my mom took my jacket from me because IT WAS SO COLD!! but i would lose a lot of time if i were to wait in the queue inside to give my jacket to the cloakroom. also because of that i had an amazing spot, in front of my tier!!

2) the concert itself :(( it was so so good, i had the fun of my life!!! you could see gaon was so moved, he constantly removed his in-ear to hear us better and jooyeon was always looking around the room, smiling so wildly :( they said we sang beautifully and we even sang again the chorus of good enough or strawberry cake!! they said something in polish (and even jooyeon cursed lol but i don’t think he was aware, he just repeated after us). they all look so ethereal and unreal tbh <\\3 the LIVEEEE VOCALS OMG jyp is really feeding them cds for breakfast 🙄 also they covered wannabe by itzy, one song i didn’t know, pirates and x-mas (i wasn’t sure they were in the tracklist lol) also they said they’ll be back in poland so i can already start saving up my money because it was an amazing experience, would recommend to anyone!!

(the vid is w jooyeon cursing hehehe)

#a is for axe’s rambles!! #i left jooyeon biased btw #and i also bought pcs hehehehe #xdinary heroes

[masthya]

I only know taylor swift as someone who sucks ass at writing lyrics, what are the banger lyrics im missing??

lmao i totally get that. I think it will always be a bit of a personal preference thing, just like some ppl love some writing styles which others cant stand, same with lyrics.

I personally love the lyric writing that tells a good story i can see in my head, and the song creates an atmosphere which you can touch and even smell. I think Taylor's strength is in her storytelling, which shines through especially in folklore and evermore. I personally love "seven" ("Please picture me/In the weeds/Before I learned civility/I used to scream ferociously"), august ("To live for the hope of it all/Cancel plans just in case you'd call"), peace ("Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?"), "illicit affairs" ("Leave the perfume on the shelf/That you picked out just for him/So you leave no trace behind/Like you don't even exist"), "champagne problems" ("Sometimes you just don't know the answer/'Til someone's on their knees and asks you"), "cowboy like me" ("Perched in the dark/Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear/Like it could be love/I could be the way forward/Only if they pay for it"), "'tis the damn season" ("We could call it even/You could call me babe for the weekend/'Tis the damn season, write this down/I'm stayin' at my parents' house/And the road not taken looks real good now"), "ivy" ("Oh, goddamn/My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand/Taking mine, but it's been promised to another/Oh, I can't/Stop you putting roots in my dreamland/My house of stone, your ivy grows/And now I'm covered in you").

Now every album she releases has its misses and its hits. I don't love "Lover" that much bc it's a bit too happy poppy for me, though the song "Lover" itself tells a very palpable feeling. Other songs I like are "All Too Well" ("And you call me up again just to break me like a promise/So casually cruel in the name of being honest"), "Dear John" ("Long were the nights when/My days once revolved around you/Counting my footsteps/Praying the floor won't fall through again"), "Back to December" ("It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you/Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine"), "The Story of Us" ("I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how/I never heard silence quite this loud"), "Clean" ("Ten months sober, I must admit/Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it"), "Begin Again" ("And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid/I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did"), "Don't Blame Me" ("Don't blame me, love made me crazy/If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right/Lord, save me, my drug is my baby/I'll be usin' for the rest of my life"), "Delicate" ("We can't make any promises/Now can we, babe?/But you can make me a drink").

Now many people have been dissing the latest album's cringey lyrics for a while, and while I hate them too (god the vigilante one is such a skip its unreal), i actually like some songs with cringey lyrics. "Anti-hero" really grew on me bc it's Taylor self-analising and talking about how she is her own worst critic, which is something we all experience, and I think she made it in a fun self-deprecating way in the song that still delivers the message. other songs in the album which i love and dont have those kinds of cringe lines are "you're on your own, kid" ("'Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned/Everything you lose is a step you take"), "Lavander Haze" ("The only kind of girl they see (only kind of girl they see)/Is a one-night or a wife"), "High Infidelity" ("Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?/Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?"), "Would've, Could've, Should've" ("If I was some paint, did it splatter/On a promising grown man?/And if I was a child, did it matter/If you got to wash your hands?") (tbh I love all the lyrics in this song it's my fave atm).

Sorry for the long post! I really feel like Taylor's best lyrics are hidden away in her albums many times, but I do get how she gets called a good lyricist, because she is good at telling stories in them. I believe many people look at her stuff from a biased perspective most of the time bc of the way the media has portrayed her in part, and also bc she got a lot of hate from misogynists when she was young and it stayed around as mindless hate/disregard. She isnt the greatest ever but she's earned her reputation as a lyricist imo.

#my asks

[msfcatlover]

I am insane for your tma x dc headcanons! I have to ask, do you think any of the other dc characters are entity aligned? Heres a few hcs i had:

The Scarecrow: honestly might be an avatar touched by all the fears like Jonathan Sims. Probably like Sims, he started researching the fears and Scarecrow became obsessed w them. If i had to go with a single entity, i would say he is Dark/Corruption/Eye alligned

The Riddler: Eye or Spiral alligned

The Joker: slaughter or corruption (the angst if Jason shared an entity w his murderer!)

Poison Ivy: Extinction?

Harley Quinn: hunt or stranger aligned? She was hunting down the cure for Jokers issues, but he wasnt who she thought he was and she became the prey

Killer Croc: Flesh babey!

Two face: maybe another slaughter?

The penguin: Web

I dont know enough about non-batman characters to do others tbh

Okay, so in my opinion plenty of characters have been touched by various Entities or even marked by them in ways that can motivate them without fully being Avatars or aligning themselves with those Entities. Like, Scarecrow just screams to me of someone who was touched by the Spiral (and is probably in real danger of becoming an Avatar,) but he’s holding on to his own sense of rationality as hard as he can and trying to make Fear make scientific sense. Someone who would walk out of an impossible corridor, and spend weeks measuring the outside of the building trying to find where the hell that corridor was supposed to fit, before sending someone else in to see if they experienced the same thing, only to become fixated on the differences… Not saying that’s what happened, but Jonathan Crane had some kind of experience with the embodiment of Unreality itself, and he definitely feeds it regularly.

(Harley, likewise, seems more like a victim of the Spiral, Corruption, or Stranger than anything else. Oh, she’s still a supervillain/anti-hero depending on the day, but her origin story is of her mind being broken by the Joker’s abuse. That is either depressingly mundane, or being chewed up & spat out by one of those three Entities.)

I hadn’t thought much about most of the villains, but I am 100% with you on Ivy being an Avatar of the Extinction, and I can definitely see Croc as an Avatar of the Flesh. I’d throw in Hugo Strange as probably being at least aligned with the Spiral, and Pyg has definitely at the very least been marked by either the Spiral or Flesh (though I don’t know him well enough to say if he’s a full-blown Avatar or not.) If you only saw my first post, I also decided Talia & Ra’s are both aligned with the Web, though Talia values her own freedom enough I don’t think she’s a full Avatar. They’re the ones who helped Bruce find the Mother’s embrace. Damian was supposed to be a Web Avatar as well, but he’s just a little too desperate for love when nobody’s looking; his swarm is silk worms & moths, and he does manage to fake it for a while. If Joker’s an Avatar, it would either be the Stranger, Spiral or Slaughter, in my opinion, but I always like when experts of every kind take time to study Joker and are like, “Yeah, IDK WTF is going on with that guy, but I hate it.”

(Jason is an Avatar of the Desolation in my version, because the Slaughter is about the violence on as large a scale as possible while the Desolation is about the very personal aftermath. The Slaughter is War, where the Desolation is something taking out your entire life in one single night and leaving you behind to deal with it. Jason absolutely wants his targets to be scared of what will happen, what he’ll do to them, but in a “destroy everything you’ve ever worked for & drive away everyone you ever cared about” sort of way; not a “blow up an entire city block for no reason” sort of way. And given how much Jason cares about protecting innocents, he’s actually partially starving himself by not following through on complete Desolation the way people like Jude Perry do. Imagine if The Archivist (around s3) tore out the last page of a statement & threw it away without glancing at it before he started reading. That’s basically what Jason’s doing to himself.)

Some people in the DC universe, though, are just Like That(TM). Sure, it can be hard to tell supernatural trauma apart from genuine mental illness, but it’s still a superhero setting and some people are just little freaks (affectionate.)

Like, Oliver Queen? Just a little freak with a bow. Just a weirdo. Black Canary? Superpowers, but not of the Fear Entity induced kind. She’s just Like That(TM).

Speedsters? Oh honey, you better believe they’re all just Like That(TM). Anti-Avatars, if anything; those bastards basically became one with a potential aspect of the Vast and went “But what if I was just. Like. Nice about it? Or only mean in extremely specific, petty, personal ways? What if that?”

My main “outside of Gotham” thought is that Amazons are aware of the Entities. Primarily, they have to be very careful & monitor eachother for signs of potential influence of the Hunt, but they’re aware of others beyond it (though they might define the Entities along different lines thanks to cultural differences & all that; I don’t have any specifics, I just really like that headcanon that while certain fears are nearly universal, the way different cultures group & view them are going to be different. Like, if spiders are viewed as purely benevolent & good luck by the culture you were raised in, it’s very unlikely any capital-f Fear is going to have a spider motif. Smirke separated the Buried from the Vast, but aren’t they both primarily about being overwhelmed, about Too Much? At the bottom of the ocean, is there any difference? Why should other cultures draw that same line?) This created some tension with Batman at the start of the Justice League, as Diana knew even if he wasn’t lying when he swore to have the best intentions, Batman was still walking a razor’s edge; he could become a monster so very easily. On the other hand, it was a huge relief for Dick (who, again if you’ve only seen my first post, I’ve changed my mind on and decided he’s a Hunt Avatar) when he first met the other Titans and they all went over their powers, to have Donna realize what he was talking about and promise to stop him if he ever lost control. A promise she has actually had to follow through on a few times, when a villain got into their heads and pushed Dick too far; he sleeps better at night knowing Donna is both willing & able to wrestle him to the ground and keep him from hurting anyone, even when Dick’s gone full-feral.

(The tag for this AU on my blog is "tma crossover," if you wanna check out the... everything I have for it.)

#tma crossover #batfam crossover #smirkes 14 #tma entities #batman #batfam #wonder woman #teen titans #dick grayson #richard grayson #robin #robin dick grayson #wonder girl #troia #donna troy #Hunt aligned Dick Grayson #Web aligned Bruce Wayne #Corruption aligned Damian Wayne #Desolation aligned Jason Todd #my life #my writing #mine #questions #callmekohaii

[protoindoeuropean]

What book did you not like at first but end up loving?

hm, ok so i'll interpret this in two ways, bc the more stretched interpretation is easier to answer lmao

so first a book that i read and ended up being dissatisfied with the ending – then thought about it and realized that the book itself was actually quite good and the fact that it ended that way was completely in line with the story and that what i recognized as unsatisfying could also be seen as the (more subtle) point of the whole book ended up reconciling that for me.

the book is hiša brez ogledal (a house without mirrors), written by one of my professors actually, about a wife of a right-wing politician, soon to be president of a central-european (read visegrád + slo) federation of some sort, in a world recently transformed by an ice-age, when a pandemic breaks out (the book was published after covid, but was written before it). since the book is in slovene i dont have much qualms about spoiling it for everyone, but anyway heres your warning. – the woman manages to escape her husband with her children, and the ending, them flying off in a plane just as her husband arrives at the airport seems satisfying, but the vindication you share with the main character is (for me at least) undercut by the fact that she is not a particularly good person. like, you relate to her, you want her to succeed, but the way she does that just shows how much she really only cares aboit herself and her children and that it's her privilege that gets her away. there is some growth there, all throughout the book you see her slowly realizing things aren't as they seem and there is potential there, but within the story itself it remains unrealized – which is fair, people don't change over night – but it does mean you're left with a main character that you find yourself rooting for, even though you also realize that she's not a particularly good person. and that's uncomfortable, and unsatisfying, but also what the story is about. and that's kinda cool

ok so the more proper interpretation would be to think of a book that won me over, so to speak, in the course of reading it. this is harder bc it means it had to have been a book that i felt, in some way or another, that i have to read. i don't remember exactly how i felt about my obligatory reading from elementary or high school anymore tbh, most of the other books i read bc i liked them / they pulled me in. i remember i needed some time to get into saramago's essay on blindness for example, but that could also be said of other books (e.g. a hundred years of solitude iirc) and it's in general not that uncommon an experience. so i don't think i have a proper answer on that front

as an alternative, i can point out a book that i really enjoyed reading, even though i found the main topics themselves very much counter to what i believe (and was not swayed at all): 40 rules of love by elif shafak. the writing and the structure of the book are great – i was literally astonished when i had the experience of reading the book the character was reading within the book and then going back to reading aboit the character herself and it felt like i was in fact also taking a pause from reading while reading! it really was remerkable! i didn't agree with most of what it was trying to say though lol

#j #ask #anon #thank u!!

[duck-kmt]

For the rentan ask game: 🍠🔥 and I can't find the bomb emoji but that one too if you don't mind!!❤️❤️❤️

Thank you!

🍠 - what are your opinions on the Rengoku family, and how Kyojuro was raised?

I think it's no wonder the Rengoku family got so popular because their issues feel, on a certain level (i mean my family isn't in the demon slaying business personally) relatable to a lot of people and the way the story handles it all feels Real - in that they deeply love each other, and they mean good, but they inflict so much hurt on each other it's unreal lol. Kyoujurou's expected responsabilities as the oldest son, the Demon Slaying Family Business, the moral responsabilities entrusted by his mother, on top of compensating for his father's neglect… he's constantly under pressure and his mental fortitude despite it all is what makes him so cool right???

Shinjurou's abuse (bc neglect is abuse) has been discussed at length already but as amazing and well meaning Ruka is I find it fascinating the brain damage she gave Kyoujurou lol, and how much it hurt Senjurou too in the process, but it probably comes from her own experience and hurt too, and I like stories of Generational Trauma where the parents aren't antagonized. It's easier to villainize Shinjurou due to his role in the story but tbh, I find him very similar to Sen in that he's put in a position where he allows himself to show his vulnerable side, something Kyoujurou and Ruka never allowed themselves to do- and that makes him just extremely Pathetic and relatable right? even good people take bad decisions and hurt others when in despair @_@....

Sooo yeah these 4 are introduced as Marginal and Weird but they feel, extremely human in the end… they symbolize well the human drama kimetsu is so good at😤

🔥- What first drew you to Kyojuro/Tanjiro?

When I watched the movie the first time I wasn't really into KNY so I didn't expect to fall so hard for them lol. But obviously when tanjirou fell asleep on kyoujurou's shoulder the Fujo Neuron in my brain activated immediately. 'so cute, i see what they did here' I thought. Then they stayed at the back of my mind for a while, so I ended up reading the manga and. yeah. i cried like a bitch at Tanjirou defending Kyoujurou from Shinjurou and my interest in the ship only grew stronger the more I read 😂

Then I rewatched the movie, being aware of the Implications…The Parallels …. The Connections………. and I fell deep into rentan LMAO. it's funny how much bargaining I did with kimetsu. "i don't like kimetsu > fine, I only like rentan > I Would Fucking Die For Rentan > I Would Fucking Die For Rentan And The Entire Cast Actually 😭

💣 - share your most controversial RenTan take. Set your thoughts ablaze!!

Idk what would be controversial or not about them really. Well the ship itself is perceived as controversial by a big chunk of english speaking fans but uh I don't get why.

They are baited to the very end of the series, got ton of merch, Thematically Make So Much Sense, etc etc. it's not really a spicy ship, not only it makes Sense, it has a lot of themes pertaining to Classic BL (and even. gay literature in general) while giving us a Fresh relationship in terms of JUMP slash. They're good and I'm glad they are so popular.

#replies

[schizosupport]

Hi, i have what im pretty sure are delusions sometimes but my therapist thinks its anxiety/compulsions but sometimes i am not anxious about it but its still really hard to not believe it even if i know it’s not real (like for example that was very difficult to write being like it is real, i know it is but also i know its not), im just wondering if that is a delusion or not. I mean like it hasn’t been that much off a problem recently like basically nothing at all but these past few days it has been getting worse and I just have been thinking about it for awhile and i want to be aware if it is for future reference

Hey there anon! I would like to help give you a qualified idea of what you might be dealing with, but it's hard for me to guess at anything from the information you provided, nor is it necessarily my place. I'm going to give you some general info on delusions vs anxiety that might be helpful though.

The line between anxiety, compulsions and delusions can be pretty blurry tbh. A lot of people have this misconception that delusions are always more serious or debilitating than the others, but that's definitely not always true.

Both anxiety, compulsions and delusions can have the quality you describe, of you knowing it's not real, but it's still hard to believe that it isn't.

With anxiety, this commonly does occur with a level of felt worry or anxiety.. and the concern itself is usually, while often over the top, not overly bizarre/unreal.

An anxious thought often exaggerates existing dangers - it looks at very unlikely odds, sometimes impossible odds, and inflates the risk of danger. "I'll get accidentally electrocuted from using the toaster", "I'll get stabbed to death if I go for a walk in the evening", "if my joke doesn't land, people will hate me and I'll be lonely for ever".

Anxious people are usually aware that their fears are exaggerated, but it doesn't stop them from being controlled by the fear.

Compulsions can really be a lot of things, but in relation to anxiety, it's often used to refer to the actions that anxiety may compel us to perform. This could involve checking behaviours (running back several times to check that you locked the door is a classic example), as well as more elaborate and even seemingly unrelated compulsions ("if i flip the light switch 10 times, this unrelated event i fear won't happen"). Most of the time, the person with compulsions is aware that the action is exaggerated and/or doesn't have a logical relation to their fear. Yet they can't help but do it "just in case", as it momentarily relieves the anxiety.

Compulsions are often considered to enter delusional territory, when the person with compulsions lose insight, and they become convinced that if they didn't perform the compulsive action, the bad thing would certainly occur.

Delusions in general can be a lot of things. They are often more "weird" than anxiety - classically we talk about bizarre, paranoid or grandiose delusions. The content often involves things that are not just exaggerated odds, but downright impossible/in the realm of fantasy and make belief.

There's a common misconception that it's only a delusion if the person has no insight at all, and is unable to comprehend that the reality they are experiencing isn't objective truth. Such experiences can and do occur, but it's also common for psychotic people to engage in "double bookkeeping".. where we feel convinced about the delusion, while still being able to acknowledge on some level that our reality has diverged from consensus reality, and may be in error.

Based on your ask i can't easily say which is more true to your experience, but the good news is that there is a lot of overlap, and I recommend for you to look into coping mechanisms for all of these experiences, and see what works out for you.

If your therapist is not acknowledging the nature of your experience and working with you at the place where you are at, that is an issue.

But if they do acknowledge and work with the experience as it is/aren't denying your experiences, and you otherwise have a good working relationship, then I wouldn't worry too much about what they refer to it as.

These definitions are so loose and unclear and historically shifting etc, that different professionals can have very different understandings.. and debating semantics with a therapist is usually a waste of time, since they ideally work with basis in your experience rather than the name given to a symtom or diagnosis.

Hope this was helpful!

#answers

[villains4hire]

Unpopular character you love?

//I'll just list a few after under the cut:

-

Ash is actually unpopular from Final Space bc of what happens in S3, but it was what happened in S2 is why I still loved her. And why I tried to actively fix her writing, tbh. - Ombrage. While she looks nice and is a great character, she's a pretty obscure character.

-

The Many. From System Shock 2 they're one of the greatest villains of all time in terms of atmosphere and motivation. One of the truly inhuman experiences you'll receive, yet still simple, easy to digest and something that's left a lasting impression in how I handle horror and eldritch-like beings of incomprehensible being and power in terms of feeling.

-

Dark Wood. The woods itself without spoilers is yet another nod and way of handling things I enjoy a lot.

-

Eddy from Silent Hill. I like him alot as a character that slowly just becomes unhinged while also just being completely odd.

-

Jasper from SU. People are extremely weird about her and while she's popularish. She has a lot of unreal hatred toward to her as well to the point of derangement.

-

//Otherwise it's hard for me to think of certain characters that are unpopular that I like.

#ooc #//I don't look into fandoms other than vaguely so this might be inaccurate #answered

[quixotic-gray]

personal venting, I rambled as usual and I don't think I made any clear points here but it feels better to talk about my problems. you know how it be. If you have your own problems (doubtless you do if you have a nervous system and live on this planet) then please don't waste your time with this lol

i wish I had some good solution for posts that trigger my paranoia, not shit that's simply talking about what paranoia is- talking about the condition itself gives me nothing to be paranoid about, but shit in current events or even fiction that just makes me want to obliterate all my electronics and go live off the grid, its all too much for me right now and the more I'm spiralling the more I'm obsessing over things, which at this point I can't tell what level of importance or reality I should be assigning to any given thing-- its like it *all* real and its *all* happening right now- just this pounding do something dosomething dosomethingdosomething and I wish it was as easy as telling myself its okay, its not that big, it doesn't concern me, or there's nothing I can do. Just don't worry about it, ok I've been trying to figure that one out for years. The thing is there's no good way to categorize it or explain or adopt a warning system bc not everyone experiences it and not everyone who does is set off by the same things, plus it's just piling one more thing on everybody to be aware of- like there's so many people who manage the mental energy to keep up with content warning tags and god I respect and admire it. its so damn compassionate, and you're looking at everything through so many different perspectives, thinking about all the different people you can protect-- its human at its kindest- its something that seems so small but it takes energy, its protecting people you've never met and its not going to help all of them but maybe just one, there's a hopefulness to it I find inspiring. and I'm always saying I'm going to start doing that too but then I don't (which I apologize for and if anybody is following me who actually is reading this (i will probably make a separate post with this so its known) who could benefit from me adding certain warning tags please let me know and I would be happy to put in the effort for you). But then for like the paranoid shit I've got, to ask people to keep up with trying to figure out whether something could fuck with my head like that?? No that's ridiculous. then also just blocking a tag for it would cut off a lot of news that I think is important to be aware of. It can't work like an unreality tag (which i am grateful for btw). i do a lot to myself i think bc I'm curious and I feel like the only way to protect myself is to be as aware as possible, so then I read thru news posts and my need for awareness is just such a damn glue trap-- I keep in the know as best as I can, I feel bad if I read thru something and don't reblog it, i feel bad if I don't reblog something that others should see or learn from and I keep getting obsessed with this stuff. all sorts of things. it just burrows into my brain like a tick and then its all I think about, I can't go on my computer, I have to unplug everything, take the batteries out of everything, I can't go for hikes, work becomes the most exasperating ordeal of putting up with that paranoia induced anxiety that I want to quit everything then on top of that it take so much effort to continue just being kind and present for others, I'm just so tired. I realize I've never "fixed" or "healed from" my agoraphobia, I've just learned to function in spite of it but it doesn't get better- like all symptoms some days are easier than others then you notice and hope you're getting better and one day it hits you like never before. Blah. it sounds dramatic and whiney, I am aware. I'm not asking for anything, tbh there is no functional or healthy solution (or maybe I've not been thinking hard enough) it doesn't matter. and yes I'm doing the most that I can for the mental condition that causes this. I just needed to get this out somewhere. btw if I'm being insensitive about anything pls let me know so i can figure it out. positivity goes a long way in helping everybody and if I'm undermining that here I would like to fix it. finally, sorry for any scattering or incoherence.

#from percy with love #personal bs

[straycatboogie]

2022/06/08 English

TBH today was a day off so I did some homework for the English conversation class yesterday. I wrote about the episode I remembered by a chance in an English article. When I was 40, I met a woman at a meeting about autism accidentally, and she changed my life drastically... I think that I am always saying the same story so I don't make any progress. But this experience even makes me start my true life. I did the homework with Kenji Ozawa's "The dogs bark but the caravan moves on". What age am I living? I am still living in the 90s? Indeed, people get into the movie "Top Gun Maverick"...

Yesterday I wrote that "Norwegian Wood" was a bible for me when I was a high school student. Besides that, I believed Osamu Hashimoto's thoughts. I read his books very deeply. The "89" is about the year 1989 when Tsutomu Miyazaki's incident happened, and the "90s" is about the Gulf War and peace. Osamu Hashimoto said that people do fall in love and it works to crash their world which had been made imperfectly. I, the meeting with her crashed my world which was made by reading and listening to incompletely, and through her comment I changed myself... Ah, Even if I had thought "She never says yes to me", I confessed my thought to her and it changed everything to an unexpected result!

I went to a library and borrowed some books by Richard Dawkins His autobiography and "The God Delusion". There, I had an interest in Douglas Murray's "The Madness Of Crowds" so I also borrowed it. I thought that "The Madness Of Crowds" tried to criticize various opinions of the liberal. I think that my stance is on the left and liberal. Therefore (even if the author as Shinji Miyadai has been saying) my 'right' opinions work to violate someone's rights, or I might push optimistic and unreal ideals too much. I will read this book and try to criticize myself.

I watched the documentary "The Capote Tapes". I have read Truman Capote's works many times (probably because Haruki Murakami respects him). Indeed, he is quite a great writer. But I am attracted by his personality itself instead of his works (that's the same as Andy Warhol). He was a certain media, and it created various novels, and also funny episodes in the celeb society. I watched it and thought about those things. I remember the movie "Capote" in which Philip Seymour Hoffman acted as Truman Capote. It was quite a brilliant movie with a great performance.

#diary #english #douglas murray #haruki murakami #osamu hashimoto #truman capote

[cemeterything]

Hey, so, what is marble hornets and how can i get into it?

it's a web series on youtube that takes the slenderman urban legend and asks "what would happen if a group of people were actually being haunted by this terrifying figure and documented their experiences on camera?" it's an ARG kind of thing so it tries to present itself like a real thing that is actually happening to real people, but it is just fiction. there's also some supplementary videos by a channel called "totheark" that contribute to the story. you can watch the series in order, including supplementary videos here. there was also a twitter account running during the production of the series that you can check out for the full immersive experience, but tbh i never bother much with that personally so it's up to you really. it IS horror and has some scary moments but no gore, it's mostly psychological/monster based. also it does deal with stuff that could be an unreality trigger for some people (memory loss and audio and video distortions mainly) so keep that in mind if you decide to check it outl

[daydreamerdrew]

young justice season 4 episode 11 “teg ydaer” liveblog:

please please please give me some Mary background info in this episode

hmmmm the episode description said 13 and her friends face their greatest challenge yet. tbh I wasn’t expecting that much from her cause like we’ve gotten hints about Mary’s past coming up and Khalid possibly becoming Dr. Fate but we haven’t really gotten anything so far hinting as what could happen to her.

ooh is Nabu taking over narrator duties? haha give the wizard narrator duties for an episode... literally making everything about my faves sorry I’m here for one character and one character only lol

the lords of order ‘empowering a human being to act as their agent’ hmm parallel conversation with this about the champions of shazam pls ty

“The theory was that was that a mortal’s earthly ties would allow for a greater understanding of the problems that Chaos created among manking.” literally if they don’t connect this to the champions of Shazam I will I’ll write that fic c’mon it’s right there

“father, guide our journey through fate’s holy ankh” oh Zatanna can call upon her father in her spells??

no you’re not a doctor yet... that didn’t seem like that was about him becoming a medical doctor, Zatanna... what are doing what do you know

“guess whooo” lol love Klarion’s voice just coming into Nabu’s telling of the story

oh ok so this is Nabu. this is the start of the Klarion and Nabu antagonistic relationship

“We have to stop the fight itself.” “And you plan on doing that with these children?” buddy that’s what this show is based around

my Sentinels... <3

gasp... Mary’s the only one who’s not completely convinced. everyone else is like we’re ready!! and she’s like we’re ready for anything... more or less. girl tell me your backstory please

also 13 says kind of but like she still sounds pretty all in. and the way Mary looks away when she says that...

“They’ll do great, Nabu. You just watch.” Zatanna’s faith in her students <3

“let us test that premise” fuck this guy

wait we’re gonna get to see Mary have to use more magic because of this... nevermind Nabu thank you for being a dick

what are they doing with 13... they’re doing stuff with her insecurities... please I wanna see what they pull from Mary’s mind to mess with her

“That’s why she pulled in Khalid and Mary to replace you.” interesting that she was the first to join the team. idk when she joined but if we do know maybe I can estimate how long Mary’s been a part of the group.

dang these puppets are getting kinda creepy

I’m hoping that they don’t show more of 13′s experience in Fate’s side then the other two students cause they did mention her by name in the description

also... are we not getting more Zatanna in this episode lol

lol the phrasing of that... the lords of order were intrigued by Nabu’s violent death. making them sound like jerks

ok Khalid’s test is next. we didn’t see Mary’s bit in the ankh at all dang

I kinda thought that Fate’s tests would be physical tests since this is about testing their ability to fight and support in the chaos lords fight. but I get that this is for writing purposes to delve into their characters.

so far it seems that both 13 and Khalid aren’t doing so great.

ok Mary time Mary Mary!!!!!!!!

aaaaaaahhhhhhhh the train to the rock of eternity

BACKSTORY PLEASE LET’S GOOOO

oh she’s acknowledging Nabu here and acknowledging how pissed she is at this that’s interesting. I think 13 said something about ‘this is supposed to test my insecurities’ and I don’t remember Khalid acknowledging the unreality of the situation but is seems that so far she is the one holding onto her awareness the most

AAAAAAHHHHH

YOUNG MARY!!!!! CONFRONTING OLDER MARY ABOUT HER REFUSING TO TRANSFORM

look at young Mary that’s an interesting design for her with the all-white outfit. also she’s cute

THE GODS! she’s traumatized that was so triggered-flashback like

ooohh the premise of Mary being forced to transform in order to save someone... but it’s her young self

‘not that way” she’s so cute!!!

“I promised.” YOU PROMISED???? who did you promise that you wouldn’t transform ever again Mary please tell me

IF YOU WON’T SAY IT I WILL AAAAHHHHHH

they gave her a white outfit oooohhhhh!!! (and two bracelet lines hmm)

wait she’s an adult!! yj Mary transforms into an adult oohh I thought this world was gonna have her stay the same age

not Mary being beaten up by herself :(

“You’re not a hero. You’re not a sorceress.” ahh

“You’re pathetic. Afraid to be your true self, and without enough imagination to become something new.” she’s trying!!!! I mean yeah it’s by using “half-measures” instead of her “true power” but like she’s trying

“Without me, you’re not ready for this fight.” This is just always hanging over her. She can say Shazam at any time. She can literally always tap into this power and she’s always trying to find ways around it.

also the setting of the subway station. none of Mary’s previous origins had her going to the subway station, it was Billy that went there. did she get her powers by getting on the subway to the rock of eternity in this universe? was she guided by a spirit or did she know how from Billy? we know she lived in Fawcett City in this universe

literally all this stuff about a champion of order. can we get a discussion like this on the champions of shazam pleeeaase.

idk why but Traci 13′s voice here is reminding me of the Skrull Queen from Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. looked it up they haven’t got the same voice actor but this like idk I guess like a confidence effect sounds like her voice

ok Traci is finding actualization let’s see Mary do that please

oh she ends on “I am ready”. are Khalid and Mary gonna end on “I am ready” too. are they working through all their things in this episode. honestly Traci went through that very fast. idk if the others will too and if that’ll work well.

Khalid’s voice is pretty.

dang Khalid is going through his stuff even faster.

literally think I’ll be disappointed if it takes Mary a moment to be like this thing I’ve been struggling with for years... all better now.

that said these speech’s of self-actualization are nice. I think I can be satisfied by a nice Mary speech. we shall see.

“I am ready” again. ok well if she’s the only one that’s not ready after all this then I’ll be sad for my girl.  Maybe Mary’s thing will be that she’s ready as she is and is ok with not transforming.

“Look at me. I am beautiful. I am powerful. I am better and stronger than anyone and anything!” dang Mary wtf.

“Why wouldn’t you want this?” Mary pls answer pls pls pls

NOOO WTF YOUNG BILLY NO WHAT IS THIS

“No. Not you.” I’m gonna start crying if Mary hurt Billy somehow wtf is this

“Forgot why you gave it up, huh? Forgot how you traded everything for the power?” ok I think I hate this. is this in Mary’s mind or is this a reflection of reality. what are they doing to the relationship of these two :(

“Being Sergeat full-time and not living your life as Mary at all?” WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

“When Freddy and I came to you, you agreed it wasn’t right.” I hate this I hate this nooo I mean I’m so glad it wasn’t mind control or anything like that but also what is this Mary’s never been like this before

so Mary was like addicted to the power :( where are they pulling this from

“Billy was right. I had to stop. But that doesn’t mean I have to stop being a hero. I can use my connections to you to become a sorceress. To be just as important and powerful as you ever were, without abandoning who I am.”

:(

ok I don’t really like this I don’t really like this approach to her or if they did this with any of the Marvel kids like genuinely the premise behind them becoming too involved in the power and refusing to detransform doesn’t work for me but also. there’s precedent with it for Freddy at least. literally why would Mary be like this

“Go get ‘em, sis!” ok they confirmed they’re siblings to pull me back in a bit

after all that... we have no intention of intervening... buddy

........................

I’ve literally stopped caring all that much tbh like I am not paying that much attention to the show anymore

ok justice league of america flashback

oh Klarion repeatedly ringing on Nabu’s door that’s cute

oh Klarion’s crying now

oh it’s the bus. dang this is all they do ok.

ok I need to take a break from this and work out my thoughts from a little distance but as of right now... unhappy with this approach to Mary. it can literally be so much worse and yet I do not like this at all :/

#dc #young justice #my posts

[romcommunist]

How was college

hated it. wish i took up a skill or a trade. or did anything else. the critical thinking skills that came was nice obviously but that is not inherent to the university experience. and it made my jeopardy game unreal. im not working in my degree (bsc in psych is not very "useful") and tbh i dont even have an interest in it anymore beyond teaching. also burnt me the hell out and like 1000000% worsened mty mentla health LOL. my experience obviously isnt the same as everyone elses i just wish academia wasnt pushed as the Best option for post-secondary

i will say i owe my interest in sex ed to volunteering at the university so that was one plus. big regret of being a commuter and not moving away. i didnt socialize that much. i made literally no friends from school itself outside of the volunteering (we’ve kinda drifted now anyways) i just stuck to who i already knew and made friends other ways. idk. just such a waste of time and mental energy i did so well for what. have an honors degree got the 90 average with nothing to show for it. maybe ill not regret it one day

[edwardashley]

latest Mountain Goats experience: A Summarhy

once again, was able to get super close, like, right against the barricade babyyyy. also met up with some pals we made at last show so I guess this is a thing now!

“you’re more chatty than before” well idk man its probably the alcohol

the opener............all i have to say is..........unfortunately I struggled to focus on the music because she was wearing SHORTS and i couldn’t stop staring at her thighs. lesbian brainrot.

ANYWAY THE SHOW ITSELF OF COURSE BANGER.

Lines that were a spiritual experience being sung as a crowd: “I am not this body that imprisons me” “but IIIIIIIII am juuuuuuust a bro-ken ma-chine!” “I DON’T WANNA DIE IN HERE! I DON’T WANNA DIE IN HERE!”

ALSO HE PLAYED ALPHABETIZING??? never in my life did I think I would hear that live

Props to my buddy Nathan who somehow manage to head bang to Woke Up New?

the added drumline on Southwood Plantation Road REALLY spices it up ho hell I was going mad!!

speaking of drums, its the same as orchestration as the one on the album, but they upped the drums volume on Lion’s Teeth I think? and jeez did it add like a visceral sense of anxiety to it i felt like Jon W. was rewiring my heartbeat. so good.

Matt and Jon W. are so overwhelmingly sexy it’s unreal??? thank you JD for adding some DILFs into your band. did that for us. (i know theyve been in the band forever but htis was the first time I saw them up close). Peter looks very smart, and I’d still hit tbh

John was REALLY feeling it b/c he played decided near the end he wanted to add Cotton to the main setlist b/c he was just Feeling It and the Encore was FIVE SONGS LONG

anyway they ended with Heel Turn 2 which was oh MAN like truly that song is an entirely different beast live, an explosion of noise and rythmn, the energy was manic as all get out and it just kept going and going and you were exhausted and exhilarated at the same time like I almost passed out but I’m like “I can’t stop dancing the energy of this song is both killing me and the one thing keeping me alive” holy shit it really gave me SUCH a greater appreciation for this song

anyway now i’m debating hard if i go see them again in four days. clown behavior