#the internet is cool but i think anonymity can be damaging in a way so here is my face

[spirk-trek]

this is me btw :)

#i was gonna post this for 500 followers but then i got scared #so here it is for 600!!! #hi hi thank you everyone #the real person behind the blog!!!! i am real! #this fandom has brought me a lot of joy :') #tysm :) #star trek #set tour #star trek the original series #filming location #film sets #captain kirk #scotty #william shatner #spock #set design #the internet is cool but i think anonymity can be damaging in a way so here is my face #so brave #trekkie #irl #dork energy #misc me

[sleepysarah13]

Unit 5: Broadcasting via the Internet

The fifth unit of this course focused on broadcasting via the Internet.

I learned…

About various situations in which communication was amplified the Internet

Some of these viral sensations were intentional uses of the Internet that initially intended to reach more people

“School is Closed”: videos of teachers and administrators announcing school closures for snow days went viral!

Teach Me How To Bucky: a Bucky Badger themed parody of the song "Teach Me How To Dougie" went viral

Miracle on the Hudson

Help Wanted

A Weird, Unidentifiable Rash

The Reading Rainbow

The Ice Bucket Challenge

United Breaks Guitars

Some of these viral sensations were unintentional and were not initially intended to reach more than a relatively small group of people

Charlie Bit My Finger

Cool Wand!

Fair Trade Organic Bananas

Texts from my Ex

3 principles that research has shown to predict what content goes viral:

Emotionally salience (what emotions the content plays with or evokes)

Point of connection (how relatable the content is)

Element of surprise

Next,

Revenge porn and the laws that pertain to it

Revenge porn is the intentional and public distribution of nonconsenaul pornography

This is a type of cyber exploitation that occurs in many more contexts than vengeful ex-lovers

There is no federal law that bans revenge porn, so this is left to the states where the issue is grossly neglected

Onle 38 states plus DC have laws against revenge porn

California was the first state to implement legislation punishing revenge porn in 2013

Wisconsin did not implement a similar law until  2015

Laws pertaining to revenge porn are often poorly written

They are often unclear and lead to confusion as to whether the perpetrator must intend to hard the victim

Sometimes victims also need to prove emotional distress which can be difficult and further damaging

Online platforms like Facebook and Twitter have attempted to address revenge porn

However, declaring revenge porn as against guidelines through new policies does not combat the distribution of revenge porn online

Researching revenge porn was somewhat disheartening. It is disappointing to watch our government fail to protect and provide for us in yet another basic way. While this is a bit of a controversial topic for middle schoolers, it is important to be aware of this issue and other dangers that the Internet poses.

Next in this unit, I learned how to make a LinkedIn profile. This is not entirely applicable for middle schoolers, but definitely something to take with them into the future.

How to create a LinkedIn profile

Including:

All previous job experiences

Applicable educational experiences

A professional profile photo

Successfully creating a LinkedIn profile is one aspect of a student's online presence that can benefit from digital literacy. Digital literacy refers to having the necessary skills to use technology to communicate, evaluate, create, and function effectively in a society that values the Internet.

So, why should students be more digitally literate?

To recognize and avoid fake news sources

To pay close attention to biases in the news

To develop critical thinking skills

How students can improve their digital literacy

Don’t always trust the search engine to give you the most reliable results first

Does the story sound outrageously believable? Then it probably is

Make sure the headline matches the article

Does the article match the news story it was lifted from?

Is the story set in the future?

Who is the news source?

If you’re told to “trust me,” you probably shouldn’t

Check to make sure the story is believable

Check that the source is reliable

Check to see if the source is a primary source or it it’s referencing another source (and check to see if that source is reliable)

Check to see how significant the evidence for the claim is. Is it a direct quote? Is it a primary source document? Are the sources listed or are they anonymous?

Make sure the site does not contain a ton of advertisements

If the story confirms your biases, double and triple check using other sources

Read past the headline, especially if the headline seems outrageous/unbelievable

Check for grammatical errors or any big red flags like all caps

Look out for excessive pop-ups and banner ads

Look at the domain (url)

Read the about section of websites you visit followed by a quick google search to see what comes up

If you aren’t sure if something is true, don’t share it

Check for signs of sponsored content like a disclaimer or mentions of something being “limited time only” or including a discount

Consider the photos, are they photoshopped or manipulated? Do they match the article?

[aawesomepenguin]

SONIC RANGERS, EVERYTHING WE KNOW ABOUT IT, LINK FOR ALL SOURCES AT THE END

Ok, the time has come. I spent my entire day doing some searches on the 4chan website, picking and trying to find every nugget of information I could find that I was 100% sure it was connected to Sonic Rangers.

I’ll get this right out of the gate: I’m 95% sure the next main Sonic game will be open world, and what will follow is all my evidence towards it. It’ll be uncharted territory for the Sonic franchise, and we’ll need to see how it pays off.

Also, spoilers for Sonic Rangers, but kind of broad ones, so in my opinion, your experience wouldn’t be ruined if you read all of this. But if you’re one of those that want to go 100% blind, then I think the time to jump off this ship is now.

Here we go.

As it turns out, as I did some digging of my own, and thanks to other observant people, I can confirm that the “Sonic Rangers” name has been circulating on the Internet way, WAY before the accidental leak revealed on May 27th. I will show an entire timeline of these discoveries, and how they connect.

But okay, before we dive in, a general vision of Sonic Rangers: the game will take a brand new approach with the character, placing Sonic in an open world for him to explore. Where through his speed, he’ll do platforming challenges, do puzzles, fight against badniks, etc. When fighting against enemies, the player gains XP, that can be used to give Sonic different abilities. Spread through this world are bosses, where after you defeat them, Sonic obtains orbs, and when enough of them are gathered, Sonic can enter Special Stages, that are structured like a Sonic Generations/Sonic Unleashed boost level. When you complete them, you get a Chaos Emerald.

Ok, now let’s go to the 4chan leaks. From what I can tell, SEGA has been inviting different test groups to testplay their next main Sonic game, under a strict NDA. After it, SEGA collects feedback from the testers. I can’t exactly pinpoint when SEGA began to do these tests, but if I had to guess, it has been around as early as March 2020.

1st Occurrence

In July 2020, another fake leak claiming to be the 30th anniversary game showed up on 4chan, but then, as an answer to it, a person that has really played a test version of the next main Sonic game called the fake leaker out. The person that has put their hands on the next main Sonic game had the following to say:

“I playtested the game back in march and played it for an hour. There were no levels just an overworld. You’re full of s***.”

In another post, the person that got their hands on the testing version of the next main Sonic game, had the following to say:

“It was called Sonic Rangers when I played it.”

1st Occurrence analysis

I believe that the person that played the test version of Sonic Rangers has erroneously interpreted the open world as an overworld, which makes sense. Sonic Rangers name gets dropped for the first time.

2nd Occurrence

In August of 2020, another person that played a test version of Sonic Rangers, stated the following about the next title on the Sonic series:

“It’s not an adventure remake. I playtested it. They ARE working on something, but if they take feedback me and the other panelists gave them, SEGA might change quite a bit from what I ended up playing.

Open World

Set on a gloomy, grassy, uninhabited island dotted with ruins.

Big BOTW influence, little korok-like puzzles scattered everywhere.

Robot/alien bosses scattered throughout the island, defeat them and you get a Chaos Emerald.

Get all Chaos Emeralds and you gain entrance to the final boss area, a foggy forest you couldn’t enter before.

No major characters appeared aside from Sonic.

No story, just dumped in.

Turn Super Sonic to fight the boss, he’s a giant colossus-like entity that you climb, hit his weak points.

These could all be changed because I played a couple of months ago and there still hasn’t been any reveal, so I assume they might be reworking a lot.”

2nd Occurrence analysis

As you can see, in this version, some of the elements that were talked about in the most famous leak aren’t present, some missing elements were added later, but the basic was already present and in place. Sonic can travel through an open world, doing puzzles, defeating badniks and fighting against bosses, to then fight against a final boss as Super Sonic. 

The most interesting thing is how the person that leaked these details claimed that they played it “a couple of months ago”, meaning that this version could take place after the build shown in the first occurrence. Some things have changed since then.

Another cool thing that I wanted to point out was that this build uses placeholder from previous Sonic games. During the final boss, the theme for the first boss fight against Infinite from Sonic Forces is used.

3rd Occurrence

In January of 2021, another anonymous 4chan user talked about Sonic rangers, once again mentioning the name “Sonic Rangers.” As their version is pretty edgy, and negative because Sonic Negativism gets clicks, I’m going to present it in a unbiased manner, and be direct to the point on what they said.

Sonic Rangers, around the end of 2020, was presented once more to a select group of people, two demos were shown. The first one allows exploration of the open world under a time limit of twenty minutes, and another demo that has an apparent Final Boss battle.

Open world is filled with small enemies, puzzles, and platforming challenges.

Completing puzzles, challenges and defeating badniks gives XP to the player as a reward, that can be used to unlock abilities for Sonic.

Among the abilities that Sonic can unlock, there is the “spincycle”, where after pressing the Y button, Sonic begins to create a line behind him, and if the player creates a circle-ish shape around the enemy or a group of enemies, Sonic attacks all the enemies that were “marked” within the spincycle line.

Homing Attack that can target multiple enemies at once, from Sonic Lost World, is back.

There are lots of bosses spread through the open world, when they are defeated, Sonic gets some “orbs”.

If the player gets enough orbs, he can access the “Cyberspace”, essentially this game’s special stage.

The cyberspace levels are like the boost levels in Sonic Generations.

When beating a cyberspace level within a certain amount of time, the player obtains a Chaos Emerald.

New voice clips for Roger Craig Smith were used.

Some new music was made for this build.

In regards to the demo where the player faces the final boss:

After reuniting all the Chaos Emeralds, Sonic can go through a dense fog that the player couldn’t access before in the open world.

A Giant Tree Robot is the apparent final boss.

Fly as Super Sonic using the spincycle and other abilities that were unlocked throughout the game to help defeat the final boss.

Can’t take damage, on a timer of rings. A Ghost girl refills the player’s ring count multiple times.

Demo ended after defeating the boss.

3rd Occurrence analysis

As you can see, this version polished even further the concepts that were talked about in the second occurrence. Instead of getting Chaos Emeralds after defeating a boss, Sonic gains orbs, where after this Sonic has to go after EVEN more bosses to get more orbs. With these orbs, the player can access a Special Stage, named Cyberspace, where you’ll be able to play a more traditional like Sonic game, to get the Chaos Emeralds.

This certainly helps the game longer, which is a plus for me. We’ll probably have seven boost levels, with them being treated like a Special Stage. They also added a XP system, and the main gimmick of this game, the spincycle, was shown in the trailer for Sonic Central.

Sonic will keep building up abilities, which is something I believe the player will be able to use them as different strategies on how to beat different types of bosses.

4th Occurrence

Sonic Central takes place, with a trailer for a new Sonic game at the end. Sonic is running through a forest, and then he begins to glow blue, creating a pixel effect, with a line following him. Sonic then runs in a circle with this new ability that makes him glow blue, and then exits screen.

4th Occurrence analysis

With the context we’ve piled up from previous occurrences, you can put some pieces together. Sonic is clearly activating a spincycle, the main gimmick for this new game, just like how it was said in the January 2021 leak. And just like how the leaker said, Sonic formed a circle-ish shape with this ability in the teaser trailer. Sonic creates a blue energy, creating a line behind him, allowing him to make patterns with it, maybe creating a shape that could surround his enemies?

5th Occurrence

Dataminers and modders are able to get their hands on the 4K trailer for the new Sonic game, finding out that the name of the game is, Sonic Rangers.

5th Occurrence analysis

It perfectly fits with what was stated previously in 4chan threads, specifically, the one from July 2020 and the one from January 2021. Helping give the 4Chan leaks even more credit.

6th Occurrence

SEGA, while sending out press kits to news websites, ends up slipping out the name for their next main Sonic game, Sonic Rangers.

"Announcing new console experiences, Sonic Colors: Ultimate and Sonic Rangers, further details on Netflix's Sonic Prime, mobile news, musical events and much more!"

-SEGA

It was an accident, and SEGA stated they sent an erroneous version, and when pressed about the Sonic Rangers name, it didn’t dwell into it any further.

6th Occurrence analysis

Coming straight from SEGA’s mouth, the name for the next main Sonic game is gonna be Sonic Rangers. This fits a lot with the rumours that came from 4chan from July 2020 and January 2021, making it EVEN MORE likely that the next main Sonic game is gonna be an open world game.

Conclusion

And that’s where we’re at now in terms of Sonic Rangers news. In my opinion, I’m 95% certain that these leaks are legit. Keep in mind that after the Sonic Rangers name came to light, 1001 other rumours were created, but these I have my doubts, since they now have a sturdy base, they can make up more stuff to go along with it.

My opinion: I’m particularly excited for this next main game. Sonic Rangers deals with uncharted territory for the Sonic series, and I feel like it could be very fun. But of course, I’m a guy that’s mostly chill and cool with most Sonic media out there, so form your own opinions.

Anyway...

HYPE FOR SONIC RANGERS!

Source 1, Source 2, Source 3, Source 4, Source 5 and Source 6.

#Sonic Rangers #Sonic the Hedgehog #SEGA #Sonic News #Sonic Speculation #Sonic #Sonic 2022 #SC2021 #Sonic Central

[trutimeline]

idislikecispeople, The Most Infamous Dyscourse Blogger: Part 1.0, Rumors

idislikecispeople, also known as many names throughout her time on Tumblr (such as Adele, Kat, Mami, Samantha and Sayaka), was a former Tumblr blogger who became infamous for coining the term "tucute", among many other controversial things she has posted on her blogs. This was supposed to be one, very long masterpost about her, but Tumblr's post editor is a bitch and won't let me do that.

In this post, I'll be debunking or confirming rumors commonly spread about idislikecispeople. The rest of my posts about her will each be dedicated to a specific controversial belief she held or situations she got into. For simplicity's sake, I'll be referring to idislikecispeople as Kat for the rest of this post and future ones.

Rumors

Kat Coined the Terms "Truscum" and "Tucute"

Verdict: Partially True

Kat coined the term tucute, but she did not coin the terms truscum or transmedicalist.

Here's a screenshot of Kat's original definition of a tucute:

Transcript:

What is Tucute?

What does tucute mean?

Tucute is basically just the opposite of truscum, it’s a term and community for trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis individuals created to separate anti-truscum from truscum and to serve as a safe place from truscum and from cis people, where they believe that being trans requires dysphoria, we do not,where they think that being trans is a medical condition, we do not,and where they deny numerous gender identities on the basis that it “discredits the trans community” we do not.

What are the prerequisites to be a part of the tucute community?

You have to be trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis in general

You have to accept all pronouns and gender identities

You haveto believe that dysphoria is not necessary to be trans

You have to dislike truscum

You cannot side with truscum or believe in their ideology

You cannot misgender anyone no matter how mad they make you

You cannot be an ableist whatsoever

Did you invent the tucute community? Why?

I indeed did coin the tucute term and community and anyone who says otherwise are creeps who are trying to steal it from me and redefine it for their own nefarious doings. I started this community so anti-truscum could separate themselves from truscum and cis people who are a part of the truscum community, it serves as a safe space from both truscum and cis people.

I’m cis, can I be tucute if I believe in your movement and want to help?

No, you can’t be tucute if you’re cis, you can only be a tucute ally, and you need to be sure to never speak for or over a trans person.

I see a lot of tucuties being just as harmful as truscum, what will you do about it?

There isn’t much I can do to them other than ask them to stop aligning with the tucute community, and of course, that doesn’t mean they will. Also be noted that truscum and cis people will pretend to be tucute just to tarnish the name of the tucute community, so tread lightly, you might be talking to a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Spread the word, use the tag #tucute and join the army today!

[A digital drawing of Sayaka Miki from Puella Magi Madoka Magica in her magical girl form, with a banner underneath her reading "Tucute 4 U!"]

(source) (source)

Kat Was a Cisgender Woman Who Lied About Being a Transgender Woman

Verdict: False

This rumor primarily comes from a post on Kat's oldest known Tumblr blog, chromaghost, where she claims that she wasn't MTF and only tagged a selfie as such because she thought that transgender people were "cool".

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: are you a mtf? i seen it tagged on one of your photos.

No lol. I wanted to post it to the tag because transgender people are cool :3

(source) (source) (source)

However, Kat addressed this post and made it clear she very much was a transgender woman multiple times on her later blogs. This claim can also be confirmed with nude photos Kat posted online, which I don't feel comfortable spreading, so you'll just have to trust me on that one. I also don't feel comfortable directly encouraging you to go and dig up those nudes, as most of her nude photos were either taken when she was a minor, spread without her consent and/or were uploaded because people pressured her into posting nudes to "prove" she was a transgender woman.

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: you bound with ace bandage in one of your selfies. i don't know what to think about you anymore. according to some people you're a 27 year old cis woman scamming us, but you say you're a 22 year old trans woman. i want to trust you but i don't know if i can. i'm sorry.

Rest assured I’m not 27 years old lol. What you’re referring to is a less than graceful ~art piece~ we did (”Playing a Boy” or something) on deviantART when we were 16/17 (?) and really ill-informed. I ask you to not take that as how I stand currently – as I have learned so much more since, and I have a penis and I was designated male at birth because of it (feel free to purchase a passcode to our nsfw blog to see for yourself). At the time we were developing breast tissue but still had to appear as a ‘boy.’ Don’t bind with Ace bandages, kids, it can damage your rib cage, something we didn’t know at the time.

(source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of two prescriptions, estradiol and spironolactone, both prescribed to Adele Sheffield.]

grandtran still gonna think I photoshopped it or what

(source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: In other words, you aren't gonna cough up the pics because you know you can't fake that shit because you're actually cis. Cool. BTW why do you keep changing your story about the blog, and if the blog was run by you when you were in denial about being trans because of self hate, why were the pics tagged mtf and you were constantly saying trans people were cool?

Yeah I’m not gonna do something for y’all and get nothing in return except more doubt from you, you see how one sided that kind of request is? Also its technically considered sexual harassment, just because its on the internet, you’re a coward (whats your username btw?), and you think I’m cis and you want me to prove time and time again to you that I’m dmab doesn’t justify sexually soliciting someone when they’re not comfortable in being solicited – for free no less.

At first I genuinely had no memory of that blog, it was only active for all of 2 months and for some reason I moved onto a new email and new tumblr, and I haven’t the foggiest why. As for the whole “me claiming to not be ~mtf~” I don’t have any memories from that time, I can only assume it was a lot of dysphoria fueled self-hatred and wanting to be seen/pass as a cis girl lesbian.

If you’re really gonna solicit nudes from a trans woman (a second time) as they do sex work to try and stay on their feet without offering anything in return just so your transmisogynistic ass can get off to trying to tell me my dick is fake isn’t classy at all. I perish the thought of what you’re parents would think of this behavior from you. But yeah, feel free to send some money to my paypal so I can get the gender markers on my records changed because that’s gonna cost a lot apparently, and I’ll definitely send you the dick pics you want. :)

(source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of a a hospital bracelet on Kat's wrist. The patient's name is Adele Sheffield and her sex is labeled as "M".]

(source)

Kat Lied About Having Diabetes To Get Money From Tumblr Users

Verdict: False

This doesn't need much commentary from me, just view the screenshots below.

Transcript:

To the people who keep harping on me buying a $15 video game for my mental health 7 MONTHS ago “with my donation money,” well, here you go, some proof, links and screenshots provided

So for everyone spreading misinformation about me spending $15 on a video game for my mental health, here’s a full list of reasons why there is no way, shape, or form I spent my paypal money on it:

Yes, I spent $15 of my own money after selling one of my possessions, not denying it:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she shows off a copy of Fall Out: New Vegas, marked with a price of $14.99. The date of the post is marked as July 21, 2014 at 06:28.39 PM.]

Be sure to look at the date, July 21st, 2014 6:28 PM. Now lets look at my first donation post asking for help:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she asks for donations to be able to afford insulin because she has no insurance. The date of the post is marked as July 20, 2014 at 08:14.00 PM.]

Hmm, one day before the purchase of said game, July 20th 2014 at 8:14 PM. Now, I’ve never heard of a video game store — much less a non-chain video game store accepting payment for video games in the form of virtual Amazon gift cards, have you? Oh, but you’re gonna say, “well you bought the game with your paypal donations anyway!” Well, here’s exhibit C:

[Another screenshot of a separate post made by Kat where she is also asking for donations to be able to afford insulin. The date of the post is marked as July 23, 2014 at 12:27.46 PM.]

Again, looking at the date of this posting which is the original donations post, you can see it was posted on July 23rd, 2014 at 12:27 PM, a full 2 days after I had bought the game. Now, if there’s no way for me to use Amazon gift cards for a real life video game store, then how can I go back in time a minimum of 2 full days to give past me $15 to buy said game, hm? This isn’t even accounting for the fact that I didn’t even have my own bank account associated with it until over a week later, and it surely doesn’t account for the fact that it takes up to 5 days to transfer from paypal to your bank account. All the dates are linked to the original unedited posts so you can see for yourself, and for added measure my first deposit was on August 14th, 2014:

[A screenshot of a deposit made by Kat. The date is marked as 08/14/14.]

Oh but yeah, anti-sjs, truscum, and the like took damniwishidthoughtofabettername’s postthey used to gaslight us with misinformation and you all bought it. Tell me how I could misuse donations that I could not use outside of Amazon and money I didn’t even start receiving until a full two days later, let alone the fact that there’s no way I could have transferred said money and used it two days prior as of the date of the paypal donations post.

I hope some of y’all could reblog this and get the word out, I’m sick and tired of people buying into that misinformation that person did solely to gaslight me as a means to try and disrupt my donations drive.

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A selfie of Kat holding up a vial of Novolin to the camera.]

Hey anon, I don’t feel comfy giving you my receipts (because doxxing is a thing) but here you go, a selfie with my most recent insulin purchase. 👽

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: Getting desperate for money again I see. How is your fake diabetes lately. I bet your blood sugar is like 800 this time and you're still able to be alive somehow.

You got me, I’m ~totally faking~

[A selfie of Kat. In the background several items used by diabetics are seen such as insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.]

[A picture that gives us a closer look at the background of the previous selfie.]

[A selfie of Kat holding up two vials, one of Lantus and the other of Humalog.]

Gee, must be one dedicated faker, right? To have hundreds of dollars of insulin equipment and insulin itself. Hmmm… Insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.. oh and insulin, hmmmm….

Oh and because you didn’t learn from last time you don’t die instantly when your blood sugar goes over 600 lol, something anyone who studies endocrinology can tell you, and I would know, being a diabetic, having to be hospitalized numerous times for ketoacidosis where the blood sugar has been too high for too long. Things you clearly do not know and you’re just jumping on the disableist bandwagon. I have an idea of who you are anyway, just doing this for future reference.

(source)

#idislikecispeople #dyscourse #transmed #truscum #tucute

[mjalti]

I really love your approach and your "take it or leave it" attitude and I'm hoping you might have some definitive advice to share. I'm in a competitive medical program and Im one of the top students. I use to be way more self confident, but the difficulty and demand of the program is really wearing me thin. Also my unrealistic desire and expectation to be the best. I question every interaction I have, I doubt my approach, I wonder if I'm saying the right thing, I want to perform perfectly. Other sources are just telling me to practice self care and yet that is meaningless to me. I know I'm a resilient and compassionate person who has plenty to be proud of, but I just feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. I have a really supportive partner and a good job, but I feel like nothing I do is good enough (even when my grades and feedback say otherwise) and I use to be a lot happier with my lot in life. How do I settle back into myself?

“I want to perform perfectly.” really sticks out to me, we’ll get into it in a minute.

 i’m not sure if you’re questioning your approach within your field/ your decisions you make within that or if you’re questioning the depth of your knowledge. medicine is an EVER-evolving field and if you are questioning “how much you know” in the grand scheme of things--that is WONDERFUL. that is the mark of you truly understanding the complexity of the field you have the honor of practicing in & it is a trait that you should keep. stay curious. if you are doubting your decisions in the clinical context, always feel free to ask a colleague to glance at your work, just make yourself say “hey would you do anything different on this?” and get a second pair of eyes to look over your train of thought. You are a medical STUDENT, you aren’t competing with the doctors who have 40 years of been-there-done-that experience. You are still in the “going there” phase. Have compassion with yourself & remind yourself that if getting this experience was easy, it would be disrespectful to the people who have dedicated their lives trying to get good at it. 

next i want to remind you; everyone you meet is a series of impressions you have of them, not necessarily reflecting what they’re going through. even the most confident person you will interact with in your field, had a medical student phase where everything was overwhelming, intense, and over their heads. the only difference between them and the others was that they kept going. 

I am really happy to hear that you have a supportive partner. Have you been open to them about what you are going through or do you feel like a burden? It sounds like you have great intentions, but you have allowed this negative thinking to start to isolate you from your partner. You should not be living two lives in your head. [except riding dinosaurs while you’re taking a shower, but that’s understandable, cool and totally normal, i swear.]

“Self care” for high achievers is its own animal because the very things that cause us so much damage are the things which, in controlled portions, we are told bring us success & happiness. It becomes so difficult to put a hard stop on things that burn us out when the positive reinforcement is so loud, so vivid, so all-encompassing. I bring back your statement: “I want to perform perfectly.” To perform is to act, not to be. It seems like you struggle with wanting to be everything for everyone but when it comes to you being your own side, you give yourself the scraps of what’s left from a long day-- and let’s be honest here: it’s usually nothing. 

You seem to be very good at helping others, but how does that translate to helping yourself? 

Start by defining simple things:

when was the last time you felt happy/at peace/confident? 

what were you doing, who were you with, what were you thinking?

what has significantly changed from that time to now? did you move? did you become jaded with a certain aspect? when did you start feeling the way you feel now? could you reach out to your partner for some help with answering these questions, as they could have more insight into your behavior [we observe and analyze the people we love endlessly, we observe the nuance]?

What is something you do for YOU, regardless of how productive it is, how good at it you are, how much other people respect it?

when was the last time you did something new, without it being related to your profession or being prompted by your partner? 

There are so many things going on, there is so much of yourself that you bring to this equation which is hidden from me, that I cannot provide you a solution in a gift-wrapped box but I can hopefully provide some outside perspective. I think you would really benefit from some sessions with a compatible therapist who can help you answer those questions above with some guided exercises. What you are going through is not going to go away like it arrived; spontaneously. You have to have the tools and resources to tell it to leave. I think you owe it to yourself to invest in yourself, to find a way to learn to make sense and peace with the chaos that’s trying to come in between you and your best life. Being proactive about this is the best self-care possible, and even you coming to me anonymously on the internet is a big step in the right direction, especially because it doesn’t sound like this is something you often bring up. 

#qnotqueue #Anonymous

[kasdeyathebitterwoman]

Feelings Challenge - Angry

The gauntlet has been thrown and I am heeding the call! (finally) I was challenged by @viking-raider to do the Emotions Collection for the one and only Henry Cavill 🖤 As part of that collection, there is: [Happy], [Sad], [Angry], [Anxious], [Exhausted], [Playful]

Note: I did write these as individual pieces. You can read them in any order, in any way you see fit. 

Alrighty, here is Anger for the writing challenge. This was a weird one for me to write because Henry doesn’t strike me as an angry individual. Then again, this is fanfiction, so here is my interpretation of an angry Henners 🖤 Word Count: 1,554 CW: mentions of - foster care, homelessness; reference to self-harm; blood

taglist:

@maeleeme @andyrazzledazzle @oddsnendsfanfics @fanfictionaddiction99 @jhenno2002 @mitzwinchester @xceafh @henrycavillluv32 @severuined @queenslandlover-93 @thummbelina @chamomilebottom @deep-in-my-thoughts13 @henryslilprincess @constip8merm8 @ravenpuff02 @henry-cavill-obsessed @lebguardians @the-soot-sprite @speakerforthedead0-blog @burdenedwith-gloriouslove @peakygroupie

Henry slammed the laptop screen down with force. He didn’t care if the screen cracked or became damaged. None of that mattered at this point. He closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, and sucked in through his nose. Earlier when he came home, he found you making chocolate chip cookies from scratch. It wouldn’t have meant anything to him if he hadn’t noticed the rack of blueberry muffins cooling over by the sink. You weren’t commissioned to make anything for a client nor could he think of you mentioning needing to bake something for the shelter. 

He walked up behind you as you folded in the chocolate chips, wrapping his arms around your waist and placing his chin gently on top of your head. You didn’t break your concentration as you slowly and methodically worked the chips into the batter. 

“Whatcha doin’?” he asked, dipping his head so his lips were down by your ear. 

“Just baking,” you replied. Henry couldn’t tell if he was imagining it, but your voice sounded softer, quieter than usual. He glanced over at the muffins and noticed a container of brownies. Something was definitely wrong. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, taking a chance on his assumption. Immediately, he felt your spine straighten and heard the sharp intake of breath. Your head dropped just a little and you gently shook it, silently saying no. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but Henry was never going to press you to talk when you didn’t want to. “Okay,” he murmured. “I’m here when you’re ready,” he gave you a gentle squeeze. “I love you,” he whispered in your ear before leaving a soft peck on your temple. 

“I love you too, Henry,” you said out loud though you didn’t look at him. Henry pursed his lips but said nothing else. He left you in the kitchen with every intention of coming back for a brownie. And a muffin. And a stack of cookies. God, your baked goods were the stuff of dreams, especially when he was dieting and couldn’t have any of it. 

He walked into his office and logged onto his laptop. He got some work done, responding to emails, but his mind kept drifting back to you. He knew you’d open up eventually about what was bothering you. The problem was, Henry wanted to know now. He wanted to do something now, so he started digging. It didn’t take long to find the issue. Just a quick Google search and a scroll through some comments brought him to the source of the problem. Of all things, it was a simple picture.

A few weeks ago, in a surge of young love and happiness, Henry posted a picture of the two of you together. Overall, the comments on his Instagram were tame, but the image began circulating the Internet and before long it was in the hands of some not-so-savory people. While the commentary wasn’t great, it wasn’t horrible, at least until his eyes found one that was particularly ugly. It was two sentences, but they were cruel enough to send Henry over the edge.

This all led him here to this moment. Sitting here, pinching the bridge of his nose, breathing hard to control the anger that was coursing through his body. Where did they get off saying things like that? How could anyone say that to another human - to another person they had never met? He shook his head and grunted, turning in his chair. He stopped as soon as he saw you in the doorway. Your arms were wrapped around your waist and you stood a little hunched. 

“I’m guessing you saw,” you say quietly. It’s not a question so much as it is a statement. 

“Yeah,” he replies, his jaw rolling. “God,” he hissed. He pushed himself up from his chair and began pacing. His breath was coming in short bursts while he shuffled along the carpet. 

“Henry,” your voice is soft. He hears the plea in your tone, but he doesn’t want to give in. 

“No, you know what? I’m not going to calm down this time,” he replies. “I am not disappointed. I am not frustrated. I am furious,” he spits. He hears you sigh. 

“I don’t want you to be angry,” 

“Well, I am,” he stops, pinching the bridge of his nose again. “Someone should be angry,” 

“No, Henry. No one should be angry,” you tell him. His head whips up.

“Yes, they should. Someone should be pissed at these comments. They should be upset that someone would say anything like that to a person they don’t even know,” his voice raises slowly as he speaks. He’s not yelling, but he’s not using his usual, even tone. 

“You just want someone to blame,” 

“You’re damn right I want someone to blame,” he spits. He shakes his head, furrowing his brow further. “I-I have to go for a walk or something. I’ll punch a wall if I just stand around here,” he growls. He storms towards and past you into the hallway, feeling no regret for the hurt that is painted across your face.  

He leaves without you in a flurry, so it's only him, Kal, and his thoughts. Henry goes over what little details you'd shared with him over the years. Your sad childhood, your time in the foster system, and the homeless shelters. He almost cried thinking about the scars, visible and hidden, that littered your body. Despite all of that, you were the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. A fresh wave of rage washed over him as he thought about that comment. As he thought about someone having the courage to say that anonymously rather than to your face. His jaw rolled while his fists pulsed, clenching and unclenching.

Well over an hour later, Henry stepped into the house with Kal. He had calmed down somewhat, though the heat of the anger was still bubbling under the surface. He knew that if he talked to you and maybe his mum later, he’d be okay. There was still some noise coming from the kitchen. As he took Kal off his leash, he heard a plate shattering and a hiss. He rushed in to find you holding your hand over the sink as blood gushed from a cut. 

“Y/n!” he exclaimed, darting over to you. 

“I’m fine,” you mutter, placing your hand under the running water, flinching at the contact. 

“You’re not fine. What happened?” he asks. 

“A plate broke,” you huff, grimacing as you pull your hand out of the water and inspect the damage. It’s a pretty bad cut.

“This is just great,” Henry mutters under his breath, but you hear it. You sigh and shake your head. “What?” he asks. 

“I just don’t understand why you are so angry,” you state. Your attention is on your hand so you don’t notice Henry’s brow furrowing or the lines deepening around his lips. 

“Someone told the woman I love to-to,” he can’t even complete the sentence he’s so angry. You turn your attention to him. 

“So?” you demand. Henry snaps back to you, surprised. “So what? Do you have any idea what high school boys say about fosters? Especially about the girls? Well, do you?” you insist hysterically. 

“Y/n, I,” he stammers, but you’re still going. 

“No, you know what, Henry? I have a reason to be angry. I do. I have a reason to hate the world, but I choose not to. What’s your excuse?” you stare at him for a beat, before storming out of the room. He sighs, standing there alone for a moment. Your words weigh on his heart like cinder blocks. Slowly, he can feel the heat of his anger fading. Taking in a deep breath, he searches for you only to find you in the bathroom attempting to bandage your hand. 

“Let me help you,” he murmurs. You freeze in place, but allow him to look at your hand. “Should probably go to the hospital,” he states. 

“I can take myself,” 

“Let me take you,” he looks at you with a plea in his eyes. “Please,” you purse your lips. 

“Are you going to drive erratically and curse out all the other drivers?” you ask sardonically. Henry chuckles just a little. 

“No,” that seems to soften you a little. You look up at him and can hear the gears turning in his head. “I, erm, I’ve had a slice of humble pie thrown in my face pretty recently,” he gives you a cautious look. The comment about the pie seems to have softened you completely.

“I understand why you were upset and believe it or not, I do appreciate it. But you of all people should know that anger doesn’t solve anything,” he smiles a little. 

“I know. You’re right, I do know that and I lost sight of it,” he cups your face gently. “Thank you for reminding me of that,” he watches you with those intense blue eyes. You can see the toll all of this took plainly on his face. 

“Anytime,” you murmur. 

“Now, can I please take you to the hospital? It looks like a freaking crime scene in here,” he states. Unable to stay upset, you break out in laughter. 

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #fanfic #fan fiction #writing series #writing challenge #feelings challenge #emotions #feelings #meowpurrbooks writing #henrycavillxreader #henrycavillxfemmereader #female reader #femme reader #one shot

[imnameim]

you make post about people telling you to kill yourself but don't put the proof. You just want attention and it shows. what a joke🤡

hello;; not that I owe you anything or anyone anything.

this are just two of the many anons I get almost daily. Surely;; I promise you you don't want to see half of what the other say. I don't make post about anon hate for attention. I make them to call people like you out on your bullshit and you acting like like cowards on anon. I guarantee if I didn't have anon on you nor any of the other anons who send hate will have the balls to say shit like this. It's easy because youre hidden right? I don't care for attention I truly don't. I'm content being in my own corner minding my business and vibing by myself.

You. This. Is a joke. But it's not. I am lucky I have the mental strength to easily delete most of these and go on with my life. However;; not everyone is like that. You could 100% send this to someone who is weak and fragile and this could be there breaking point. THAT IS WHY I POST ABOUT IT. you all need to grow the fuck up and realize the things you say have effects on people. You don't know me. You don't know anything I've done been through go through deal with etc. Besides what I allow myself to speak about. Which even then I'm extremely closed off and protective of the things I do and share because people like you take that as a resort to squeeze you way in and take someone's happiness away.

As for this dumb fansign hate you all are so stuck on. Move on. My blog is not the place for it. You wanna be shitty and bitter cool;; I don't think your life will be fun that way but it's not my job to baby you or the environment you consume by not speaking. I made exactly one post about it. ONE. and even then I deleted it a matter of 15 minutes after i posted it because of this very reason. Since then all I've got was shit but truthfully I don't care. I'm happy. I was happy. and I deserved to experience that shit whether it was one time or multiple times. If you're not happy with yourself and or your life that is not my problem. I genuinely wish you the best in finding that within yourself but choosing to send people hate and telling people to kill themselves on the internet;; anonymous at that will not make you feel better. There are real people behind these accounts for more than just your entertainment and weird hatred for them. I guarantee if you told someone to kill themselves and days weeks later they disappear you will feel shitty. So stop. It's not hard to just shut the fuck up.

This is why I am the way I am. This is why I am open about my mental health whether that be the weirdest manic episode you've seen all week or because I myself am acknowledging that I need to make a change within myself. You can send anon hate to someone who is trying to better themselves and it'll be the worse fall back for them because of a comment you made. I am a real person behind this account. Idc if everything about me or my life seems perfect because I know I live it and I know it's not. I'm content with it and myself so you trying to shit on me for doing just that is pathetic.

There's a big difference between people like you and people like me and it's being self aware. I'm very much aware how I treat people and the things I say and do in order to make sure I don't harm anyone that's the person I am and grew to be. You don't care about anything but potentially yourself and not to shit on you but I don't even think that. You're only causing yourself damage sending messages like this to people on the internet and if it makes you feel good to do so I suggest you take a big step back and look in the mirror and acknowledged what your unhappy with within yourself not others.

Do better.

#asks

[wolfpawn]

Life Is a Game of Risks

Chapter Summary - Alexianna and Tom take Sophie and Lily to the beach, causing Alexianna to feel guilty before they go to Diana's home for the evening and Tom makes Alexianna deal with her scars, even if she is unsure.

TRIGGERS - Past domestic abuse, Past emotional abuse, Past sexual abuse.

Previous Chapter

Tags: @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @theoneanna

Request if you wish to be tagged

Alexianna smiled as Lily giggled uncontrollably, having been brought to the seaside for the first time in her life. She seemed to almost become a different child as she used a stick to draw in the sand and watched the water crash on the shoreline. Sophie was beside her, helping her draw her name in the sand.

‘Are you okay?’ Tom looked at her, noting the sadness on her face.

‘I am failing her.’ Alexianna’s voice was tight.

Tom immediately pulled her to him. ‘What makes you say that?’

‘She...this is the first time she has had something as normal as a visit to the seaside.’

‘Lexi, you had no car or the way to bring her, you are getting over this issue of yours now and she is only four, not fourteen, relax, you are not failing her.’ He kissed the top of her head. ‘Look at her, look how happy she is, don’t feel sad when she is so happy.’ Alexianna gave a small smile. ‘Take a picture, send it to Daniel, he would want to see this.’

‘I didn’t bring my phone.’ She admitted.

‘We’ll use mine.’ Tom reached into his pocket and took out his phone, taking two pictures without Lily noticing before calling her. ‘Lily Princess, we need a picture for Uncle Daniel.’ Upon hearing her uncle’s name, Lily squeaked with joy and rushed over, smiled wide, her hair every direction, the cool windy weather causing her to have a runny nose. ‘What do we say for pictures?’ He laughed.

‘Pikachu!’

Tom looked to Alexianna who was laughing at her daughter, not knowing where she got that from. ‘I was thinking cheese.’

‘But I don’t like cheese.’

‘Then say please.’ Alexianna suggested laughing.

‘How about pineapple?’ Lily suggested.

‘Just say Lily, please or even say nothing and smile.’ Her mum smiled.

‘Fine.’ Lily frowned for a moment, but seeing Tom pointing the phone at her, she smiled widely. ‘Now you and me, Mummy.’

‘No.’ Alexianna refused, stepping back.

‘Yes.’ Tom stated, ‘He’d love that.’

‘Tom, please.’ The way Alexianna looked at him pleadingly, with tears in her eyes told Tom everything.

‘Okay, it’s okay.’ He pulled her to him and kissed her temple. ‘We’ll get a picture of Mum in a minute, okay Princess, how about a big smile?’ Lily was about to complain about her mother not taking a photo with her, but as soon as Tom mentioned another photograph, she beamed widely. When he was done, she demanded to see them all, scolding him if one was blurry. Lily watched as Tom sent the pictures and a video of her saying hello to her uncle by PM on Facebook and they continued with their day, Tom making sure to reassure Alexianna with small gestures as they did so.

By evening, Lily was bleary-eyed on the couch watching Moana with Sophie, the fresh air and the hours spent outside having worn both girls out. Tom and Alexianna were the two cleaning up after the dinner since it was cooked while they took the girls out.

‘Did you enjoy the beach?’ Tom asked, looking at Alexianna drying a plate.

‘Yeah, it was nice.’ She gave a small smile.

‘Lexi…’ She looked at him in a way that told him she knew what he was going to ask. ‘Why don’t you want a picture of you and Lily?’

‘I don’t like photos.’

‘They use not bother you when you were younger.’ It was true, she never rushed into pictures, but when she and Emma used to laugh and have fun if there was a camera around, she used to pull funny faces with his sister and smile.

‘I just don’t.’ She stated, refusing to say any more on the subject.

He pulled her against him. ‘You are beautiful, inside and out.’ He stated, kissing her forehead. ‘We have had people take photos of us together.’ He reminded her. Admittedly neither had consented to it and the photographers did not seem too respectful of the clear dislike that she had for their actions.

‘In all fairness, they don’t get too close, if they did get a close-up, it is blurry, they can’t see them.’

Tom frowned for a moment and realised she was referencing her scars. He often forgot about them, knowing that they were there, he never actually paid any attention to them, but clearly, she was bothered by it. She never wore her hair up and did nothing to bring attention to her face. Even now, as she cleaned dishes in a warm house, her sleeves were down. ‘You are more than those scars, you know that, right?’ He pulled up her sleeve on her right arm, the one that took the brunt of the car crash. ‘These mean you survived. You showed me the photos of the crash, he ploughed into you at forty miles per hour in a large metal machine and you are still here.’ He kissed the healed wounds.

‘But when people find out about them…’

‘They will realise how incredibly strong you are.’

‘Or say he should have gone fifty and done the job right.’ She stated.

Tom swallowed, there were “fans” out there that wished ill on their celebrity crushes partners. He was sure, somewhere in the far corners of the internet, someone somewhere, under the anonymity of pixels on a screen would say something like that. He pulled her against him and kissed her head. ‘Don’t say that, please don’t say things like that. You are incredible and if something more happened you I would never have gotten to see you again, I would not have had the chance to tell you I love you. Jesus, without you, there would be no Lily, that beautiful, sweet, wonderful little girl is only here because you are here. If you never see anything else worth it all, look at her, think of her when she is asleep or looking up at you with that sweet twinkle in her eye of excitement as she tells you about her day in school, don’t ever think that it would have been better if he had.’

‘You can be a big sweetheart sometimes, do you know that?’

‘As long as it makes you realise how great you are, I’m okay with it. Just don’t tell anyone, I am the most mischievous God in the universes, okay?’ She laughed against him. ‘Come on, we’ll get this sorted.’ he urged her back to the dishes.

‘Hey, how are things going in here, has Tom broken any dishes yet?’ Sarah joked as she came in to get some tea not long after.

‘I never broke a dish, that was you and you blamed me.’

‘I broke two other ones that day, if dad found out I broke a third, he’d have kicked my ass.’

‘So poor Tom took the blame, why not blame Emma, she is six years younger? She’d have gotten away with it.’ Alexianna asked.

‘I said that too, but no, it had to be me. I was punished for it too, an evening without TV, and something good was on too, I can’t remember what, but it was good and I had been wanting to watch it.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Sarah stated honestly. ‘I promise never to blame you again.’

‘We are adults now; if you cannot take the blame at this stage, when can you?’ Tom scoffed.

Sarah rolled her eyes for a moment before her gaze came to Alexianna’s rolled up sleeve, which caused her eyes to widen before she could help herself. Swallowing to try and get rid of the lump in her throat, she cleared her voice before speaking again. ‘Do...do you need help in here?’

Both Tom and Alexianna had realised what had happened, Alexianna immediately pulling her sleeve down. ‘No, we have it covered.’ Tom insisted. He looked at Alexianna, who could not take her gaze from the floor. ‘Alexianna, as you know, was in a car crash and her right arm took a lot of the damage, she had glass shards and even part of a Bentley embedded in it and two surgeries to fix it, so she can get a little bothered with its appearance.’ Alexianna looked at him shocked. ‘You are so hung up on thinking you look terrible you are not enjoying being around people who love and care about you.’ She looked at him guiltily.

‘We see enough people being fake or not who they really are around us, trying to get to Tom or with Sarah with her work.’ They turned to see Diana walking into the room. ‘No one in this family is allowed to feel as though they cannot be themselves in here. Wrinkles, grey hairs, scars and even high hairlines,’ Tom rubbed his forehead at that, fully aware of his ever-receding hairline. ‘It’s all normal in here.’

‘And stretchmarks.’ Sarah reminded her mother.

‘Are those a thing now, back in my day, no one gave a monkey’s about them.’

‘They are, and cellulite.’ Sarah informed her mother.

‘No wonder so many girls are starving themselves these days or caking themselves in make-up, you cannot be yourself.’ Diana shook her head. ‘So what is so bad you are risking your sleeves being dirty to hide it?’ She asked.

Alexianna looked at her scared before looking to Tom, who immediately came to her side to show her he was there for her. Shaking slightly, she lifted up her sleeve to which Diana walked over and inspected it. ‘Well, you were always a tough cookie, I bet that was not pleasant.’

Alexianna found herself laughing, ‘No, I spent a month on heavy-duty painkillers for it because of the operations too.’ She admitted. ‘My ulnar is more metal than bone now.’

Diana immediately pulled her to her and hugged her tightly, ‘You don’t have to worry about that here. You are you and we love you for who you are. Am I clear?’ She nodded. ‘Scars are proof we lived, no one gets through this life unscathed. Even this silly boy has some.’ Diana pointed to Tom, who rubbed his forehead from his accident in the Donmar. ‘Now, no more silliness, do you hear me?’

*

‘Are you mad at me?’ Alexianna looked at Tom, who was sheepishly standing behind her in his old bedroom as they got ready for bed.

‘No.’

‘You have been quite quiet with me this evening.’

‘Tom, I’m tired.’ She stated, not looking at him.

Tom, however, did not yield, having realised in their time together, she had a tendency to go into a quiet state, not saying anything. ‘I had no right to tell my family about your arm, I’m sorry.’

‘You had no right.’ She snapped, looking back at him, her face a mixture of angry and hurt. ‘I don’t want people knowing about it.’

‘I know, I thought if they knew, you would not worry and you could just get on with life without having to think to keep your sleeve down around them. I’m sorry.’ He stated sadly.

‘I decide who I tell what about in my life, you do not get to do that.’ She had tears in her eyes as she spoke. ‘I am not something to be pointed at.’

‘No, you’re not, hence why telling those around you your issues is important, we need to be able to show you that there is nothing wrong with you, that you are perfect.’ Alexianna scoffed. ‘Yes, you are perfect as you are, scars and all, or do you not realise that when I tell you that I love you, and when we are intimate. Do you think what I say and how I react when I am with you, when we are in bed together, is just bullshit?’ Tom asked, his features displaying his hurt. ‘I want you to be part of my life like you say you want me in yours and Lily’s, but you do not trust me when I say I love you and your arm does not impact on that and seeing it cause you to clam up, seeing you ashamed or repulsed by it makes me so upset, because I want you to see it and think that that car crash is not going to define you, that even though it led to a difficult time, you got through it, that you have Lily and that you are glad to be where you are today, you’re doing well in work, your daughter is doing well in school and we are doing well, is that so hard for you?’ His voice filled with heartache for her, Alexianna looked at him guiltily. Tom wanted her to get past the bad that had happened. ‘The longer you hold onto the meaning of those scars, the longer you are allowing all of that in your life. Don’t let them or him take any more of your life, you have me and Lily, we want you to be happy, we want you to get past all that. You said the therapist was adamant to talk about him and that is why you did not want to continue going, but holding onto your opinion of your arm,’ he pointed to her arm. ‘Is doing exactly that.’ Alexianna stared at him shocked. ‘Don’t stay thinking about that, please.’ he beseeched. ‘You are not those scars, he and those thoughts you have do not deserve your time. You deserve better.’

Alexianna said nothing, instead, she stewed on his words before she bit her lips together and her eyes began to water. ‘Oh, God.’

‘Lexi?’

‘I...You’re right. I...I have been letting this...him stay in my head.’

Tom immediately walked over to her and pulled her to him, holding her tight as the realisation rocked her. ‘I’m here, don’t worry. You’ll be fine, you just need to work through it, it won’t be quick or easy, but you have me, Daniel, my family, we love you as you, okay?’ He kissed her head. ‘Even when I am busy, when I am working, you can text me and I will text or call you as soon as I have a chance, okay?’

‘Thank you for being honest.’ She hiccuped into his chest.

‘What do you mean?’

‘For not saying that you’ll be there no matter what, that you are being realistic.’

‘I have to be, I cannot say I will be there at the drop of a hat if it is not possible to be, that would be setting us up to fail, I don’t want to do that. It is the same for you, when I need something from this, from us, I have to wait for you to finish work or study or when you are not dealing with Lily.’

‘I know.’

‘I love you, Lexi, with your scars, stretch marks and when the time comes, even grey hairs.’ He promised, kissing her. ‘As much as I hope you don’t mind my scars, my receding hairline and the greys I know are edging in.’

‘Yes.’

‘Those scars are not you, they are just marks on your skin.’ He insisted, bringing her to the bed.

#Life is a Game of Risks #chapter 28 #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic

[stephanieofrp]

I’ve been in this community since I was a sophomore in high school and I had maybe a year or so before the hate started to roll in and just never stopped. The fucking bullshit I’ve received, the way I’ve been treated (on anon and off), is fucking repulsive. The shit I’ve seen other ppl go thru and the things some of y’all have driven ppl towards is so nasty. I’m so fucking TIRED of it.

Honestly y’all bullied me out of this fucking community once bc I couldn’t just “delete the messages and move on” to “not give them the satisfaction” anymore. Do u realize what ur telling ppl when u tell them to just delete hate messages? It’s like saying “these words don’t have a face attached to them so they shouldn’t matter to u”. But that’s not true. Sometimes the anonymous messages hurt most bc it could be anyone sending them.

It could be a stranger u don’t know but it could also be a mutual who u think is ur friend. It could be anyone. And for someone with anxiety who constantly second guesses most of her friendships anyway, getting anonymous hate is a nightmare for more reasons than just “it hurts my feelings”. Which it does. After all these years, I can only shrug off and brush off so much of it. There’s always one that sticks and breaks me down and fucks me up. So can y’all just fucking stop?

Stop being assholes. Stop being keyboard thugs & thinking ur so cool & powerful bc ur mean to ppl on the internet. If u don’t have anything nice to say, shut the fuck up. Bc I’m tired of the bullying and I’m tired of the assholes and I’m tired of ppl getting away with it bc they’re anonymous or they play victim when they get called out or there are just enough assholes around to sympathize with them and think what they’re doing is okay. Just be fucking NICE to ppl. Show ppl some fucking respect and decency. For Christ’s sake.

Just because you CAN send a mean message to a person and they won’t know it was u, doesn’t mean it won’t do damage or have an affect on them. Doesn’t mean ur not still a dick for sending it. I don’t understand why, after so many years, having so many ppl leave the community bc some of y’all are ASSHOLES, nothing has gotten better. If anything, it’s gotten worse. Fucking knock it off. Being nice is free.

#im fucking TIRED #a lot of us are grown ass motherfucking adults now #why r u still behaving like children

[rainoverthemountains]

So I wrote a Twist-story

I absolutely adore @itsladykit ‘s boy Twist from her Twistfell AU. Actually, I adore all of her boys from all of her AUs, so much so that I wanted to write a story about them. Unfortunately, the more I love a tough and cool character, the more I love hurt/comfort involving that character. Fortunately, Lady Kit is fantastic at providing that. Unfortunately, I wanted even more, and I was also sad that Twist is so hopeless about his LV problem, so this story came to mind. It sprang from Lady Kit’s story Bucket List (the AO3 version), so it makes more sense if you read that first (although if you’re considering reading this and haven’t already read Lady Kit’s stuff, what are you doing here? Go read her stories, she’s incredibly awesome).

I’m hesitant to write it because it seems strange to write hurt/comfort with someone else’s characters (ignoring the fact that all fanfiction uses someone else’s characters) but Lady Kit does like hurt/comfort and has stated that people are free to write in her worlds, and it doesn’t get into any subject that she has stated she wants to avoid, so I decided to give it a try. I also don’t know what I’m doing with writing a story and posting it to the internet, but we’ll see how it goes. Lady Kit please don’t hate me if you see this and don’t like it.  I’ll take it down or change it if you want. I’m sorry I’m awkward. 

So now I will post this and go hide.

Summary: There’s a cure for LV (probably). It’s completely safe (probably). It’s a highly unpleasant experience (definitely). Twist only cares about that first statement. He probably should have paid a little more attention to the other two. But what does it matter? He’s getting what he wants, and he has the best friends and family in any universe to help along the way.

Chapter 1

“Gah! What the hell is their problem? Don’t they realize what I have here?” Iggy snarls at the review panel’s response to her official report, slamming her bowl of ramen on the desk before sheepishly wiping up the noodles that spill over the side. After the sudden increase in funding from an anonymous donor, the LV reduction project has progressed beyond her wildest dreams. She’d honestly been losing hope just a few months ago, but access to any resources she can imagine has changed things. Well, access to resources and a little creative bending of surface laws on ethical treatment of research subjects. 

“Those damn laws,” she growls. She’d looked into them at the urging of her Taleverse counterparts, and, fine, maybe some of her methods are just a little bit illegal here. But those laws just don’t take into account the importance of her work! Following all of the required procedures could delay the project for years, maybe decades. Monsters don’t want to wait decades to get rid of LV, and that includes her research subjects. A few might have melted in the process, but that was only in the beginning and those monsters were too far gone into their LV to care anyway. Besides, that problem is long since solved. While her more recent subjects didn’t particularly enjoy the treatment, they all came out of it alive and with lower LV. They got what they wanted, however much they might have complained along the way. The point is, she’d created the impossible, a drug that can dissolve LV without dissolving the rest of the monster. 

“It doesn’t even do any permanent damage to the subject’s soul anymore! What can they possibly have to complain about now?” she mutters, reading further into the report.

“‘Promising, but requires further testing,’ my ass.” She’s done the testing. She’s shown that it works. The subject pool is a little limited, but the trends are consistent and easily extrapolated. Of course, ‘Extrapolation outside the range of available data is not sufficiently reliable to support approval for mass production,’ according to several reviewers. 

“Well, maybe they have a point there,” she allows. “A slight one.” Extrapolating from an LV of 9, the highest of her successful test subjects so far, to the full range of monsters who need the treatment might be going a little too far. 

“Well what am I supposed to do about it?” She throws up her hands in exasperation. They want all research participation to be voluntary, but they also want the treatment tested on high LV monsters. “Have they ever met a monster with high LV!?” Not exactly the most cooperative research subjects. Some of them might say they want to get rid of their LV, but just try sticking a needle in their soul and see how long they keep cooperating. An uncooperative high LV monster can cause a lot of trouble. She shudders. There’s no way she’s dealing with that again. Then there’s the subjective data. Monsters on the edge of losing their minds are terrible at answering questions about the experience during treatment, and the panel refuses to accept her results without some form of patient report.

Ugh. Those self-righteous assholes want to deny her brilliant, revolutionary cure to all of monster-kind on the basis of a few technicalities. She taps her claws against the desk, fuming. “There has to be a way around this.” If she can just find someone, anyone, with high LV who is reasonably sane and would be motivated enough or have little enough sense of self-preservation to be a cooperative research subject…

Oh. Well of course there’s Papyrus. Well, a Papyrus, the one from her universe. The crazy one who goes by Twist now. That bastard has been on the edge of losing it for years but has never quite tipped over the edge. She nearly had him a few years ago, back when she first started her work underground, but his brother talked him out of it. Undyne kept trying to convince the little fluff ball for her, but eventually they’d given up. But now… Things are different now. Not with the fluff ball, but if she can just go around the fluff ball…

Twist is losing his mind. Anyone even tangentially acquainted with that multi-universal pack of skeletons knows that. Anyone with any basic understanding of LV should know that. The fact that he’s kept it mostly together this long suggests a level of determination or attachment or stubbornness or something that most monsters don’t have. Maybe enough of it to actually go through with the treatment? And based on some of the stunts she’s heard of, a high sense of self-preservation won’t be a problem. So, highly motivated, unlikely to be scared away by any necessary unpleasantness, really not much to lose given the deadline he has to know he’s living under, and LV high enough that no one can say she’s extrapolating outside the range of her data. He’s perfect. Now she just has to get to him where no one else will have a chance to talk him out of it, at least until it’s too late to change his mind.

***

All that being said, it seems best to approach Twist at work, away from all the others. Undyne still keeps track of all possible troublemakers from their universe so it’s easy to find out where he works. That’s how she finds herself greeting a pair of skeletal legs sticking out from underneath a car.

“Twist? Is that you under the car?” she calls.

“Yep, I’m the only skeleton workin’ here so if yer talkin’ to a skeleton under a car it’s prob’ly me.” He rolls out from under the car and waves. “Hey, Iggy. Whatcha doin’ ‘round here? Havin’ car trouble? We’ll getcha fixed up in no time.”

“No, no car trouble. Actually, I have a proposal for you.”

“A proposal?” Twist teases with raised browbones, “well now ya got my interest. Does yer girl know ‘bout this proposal? I’m up fer anythin’, but I’m not so sure she is.”

“Not that kind of proposal!” Fellverse monsters shouldn’t blush this easily.

“What kind of proposal it is, then? Does everyone have ta be dressed, or is that negotiable?”

“It’s not that kind of proposal! Forget that I said the word proposal. It has nothing to do with a proposal. Can you please try to be serious for one minute?”

“Proposals can be very serious.” Iggy glares and Twist grins. “Fine, fine, what’s this not-proposal ya got fer me?”

“You know what I’ve been working on since Asriel’s coronation, don’t you?” Twist abruptly loses his teasing air.

“I do. Think I’ve told ya before that I’m not really in’erested in meltin’, though.”

“Oh, no, the research is way past that point. No one’s melted in months, well, I mean a little bit, but not melted, melted, and I’ve got that part worked out too. Actually, that’s what I came here to tell you. I’ve found a cure!” Twist’s jaw drops.

“What? Ya found… what?”

“A cure for LV! Money from a new major donor gave me access to equipment and materials that I never dreamed of, which let me break through a few major obstacles that had stumped me for years, and now the treatment is already in clinical trials and it works! It really works!” Twist stumbles against the car and decides to sit down before he falls down as his legs give out in shock.

“Are, are ya serious?” Iggy nods enthusiastically. “Yer not exaggeratin’, or brushin’ over some technicalities, or playin’ some sick practical joke ‘cause I swear if you are ya won’ leave this place alive, or…”

“No, no, no, none of that. It’s not an easy cure like ‘take a pill, then get all better right away’ easy, and like I said, it’s still in clinical trials so it’s not approved for the mass market yet, but it’s real and it works.”

“When can I have it?”

“Once it makes it through clinical trials it will have to be approved by a review board and the sovereigns, so whenever all that is done is when it will be available to the general public.” She’s got him. She’s definitely got him. Now is the time to reel him in.

“An’ when’ll that be?

“I don’t know. The real holdup is the clinical trials. I need to show that it’s safe and effective in monsters across the whole range of possible LV, and volunteers with high LV are hard to find. The highest I’ve had so far is 9.” Twist’s sockets narrow. He’s clearly caught on to what she’s doing.

“An’ I suppose ya came here today hopin’ ta find a volunteer.”

“Well, yes. I didn’t think you’d mind. It would give you access to the treatment months or even years earlier than you’d have it otherwise and I know LV is a particularly time-sensitive issue for you.” 

“Mhmm. Can’t deny ya’ve got a point there. An’ can ya guarantee I won’t melt?”

“Absolutely no melting. I’m not saying the treatment will be fun. It’s actually pretty painful and can go on for days, even weeks to get rid of as much LV as you have. You’ll probably want to come up with something to tell your friends and family unless you want them worrying about you the whole time. But won’t it be worth it to come home free of LV and having paved the way for everyone else to be free of LV too?”

“So that’s the whole story, huh? I come with you, get this ‘treatment,’ be miserable for a few weeks an’ then I‘m cured? Why do I suspect yer leavin’ somethin’ out?”

“I’m really not. I mean, I haven’t explained every detail, but I will if you come back to the lab with me. I’ll explain the whole process and you can back out at any time before we start, but I know you’re not going to want to because I know you want this. Come on, do you really want to wait around until you hurt someone or lose your mind? I’ve worked with plenty of monsters who lost themselves to their LV-”

“An’ melted quite a few of ‘em.”

“-and that’s not something you want to go through, or put your little brother through. I know you two are close. Just imagine what it would be like for him if one day you attack him, or if he finds out you just went crazy one day and you’re never coming back, or if you kill yourself to keep that from happening.”

“Ok, yes, I get it! I don’ need ta hear it, I already know all that shit!”

“Now imagine coming home to him and telling him truthfully that none of that is ever going to happen, that all of your LV is gone and you can live the rest of your lives without ever worrying about it again. Imagine the same for your friends, each of them losing the LV that’s been weighing on them or their loved ones for years. Imagine what it’ll do for monster-human relations when humans can no longer point to high LV monsters to prove that all monsters are dangerous and shouldn’t have any rights. Imagine-”

“That’s enough! Ya think I don’ know what gettin’ rid of LV would mean? Think I don’ think about it every fuckin’ day?”

“I know you do. That’s why I know you want this. If you want to eliminate LV, and I know you do, then come help me get rid of it. We have the power to do something completely, unequivocally good, here. Just come to my lab and we can do it. We can do it today!”

“Ok.”

“You know you want to-”

“I said ok!” Twist snaps. “You can stop yer grand speech. ‘M convinced. Let’s go cure LV. Jus’ lemme finish with this car an’ I’ll go take off work an’ tell my bro that ‘m going on vacation fer awhile. He’ll be annoyed I didn’t warn him but he won’ be that surprised that I went off on some random trip.”

chapter 2

#Twistfell Papyrus #Twistfell Alphys #more skeletons but they aren't here yet #hurt/comfort #LV problems #LV cure #medical treatment #careless treatment of research participants causing unintentional harm #Those ethical rules and guidelines exist for a reason Iggy #i have no idea what to even tag #and only a vague idea of how tagging works #soul damage #altered states of mind #remembered trauma #brief mention of suicidal thoughts #it's not my fault; Lady Kit got her boy into this situation and he needs rescuing #well actually I got him into this specific situation but I didn't create his problems #this is a terrible way to rescue someone #unfortunately he's very whumpable #and also very badass #but also very wonderful and deserves all good things #honestly most of this story is Twist being surprisingly ok with a shitty situation and his friends and family taking care of him #my version of fluff

[iamanartichoke]

Thank you for the explanation on why you ship it. I didn't mean to be rude, it's just that my punctuation makes people feel like I'm being serious when in fact, I was actually trying to ask a question. I got an Anon, telling me that I fetishize brother fucking. Basically, ever since @ironmanstan did her callouts on Thorki, the whole of Tunglr has been coming for us with pitchforks and torches, and I can't participate in anything without being harassed for what I like, because it's "gross" - 💚💙

Ah - in that case, I sincerely apologize for being rude in response; I assumed that the ask was coming from an anti, and also I wasn’t in a great mood that day, so I am really sorry. 

The thing with Thorki antis (and antis in general) is that they are idiots. I can’t sugar-coat it. They’re more often than not teenagers who’ve declared themselves the morality police while lacking both the ability to differentiate between fiction and reality and the critical thinking skills to realize that the media one consumes does not dictate one’s sense of morals. Furthermore, they are bored idiots who clearly have nothing better to do than to send anonymous hate to strangers on the internet. I don’t have the patience for it. 

I have no idea who ironmanstan is (not going to tag them), so I must have missed the Thorki callouts, but I’m sorry that you have been getting hate for enjoying a ship. Shipping Thorki doesn’t mean you fetishize incest; all it means is that Thor and Loki have an incredibly interesting and complex dynamic that can be read either platonically or romantically, and you’re choosing to explore the romantic interpretation by reading fic, or writing fic, or looking at/creating art, or writing meta, or any combination of whatever it is you do. You’re consuming media, that’s it. It doesn’t mean you’re sick, that you want to bang your own siblings, or that you’re condoning or glorifying incest in real life. It has nothing to do with real life. 

I know they feel very real to us in the fandom, but at the end of the day, Loki and Thor are fictional characters whose relationship, in whatever form, does not hurt anyone. Reading/writing Thorki fic or looking at Thorki art or whatever doesn’t hurt anyone. The antis who send hate are the ones who are hurting real people, and ultimately causing more damage than the “problematic” shippers ever could.

I’m sorry that you feel you can’t participate in something you enjoy because anons are giving you hate. My advice is to ignore them and participate anyway. Anons come into your inbox and call you gross? Okay, cool. And? Anons come into your inbox and accuse you of fetishizing incest? They’re talking out of their ass, hoisted up on their own overinflated sense of self-importance, and you have better things to do than reply. Delete it. Move on. Here’s a link I found on a way to block IP addresses of anons, if you need to. Or you can turn off anon asks for awhile, too. People are much less likely to spew hate if they have to do it under their own name. 

I’ll say this, too: I follow and am mutuals with a lot of Thorki shippers who are all just doing their thing, haters be damned. I also have mutuals who don’t ship Thorki but who don’t judge those who do. It’s not their cup of tea, and that’s fine. We can still be mutuals and friends. There are a lot of people in this fandom who make the experience of being on tumblr a pleasant one, is what I’m saying, and who are far removed from silly callout posts from antis with nothing better to do (since this is the first I’m hearing about it). Try to surround yourself with the positive people on this site, ship what you want, and the antis can die mad about it. 

#a nonny mouse #asks #charlotte replies #thorki

[surflove808]

Do you think this cast is problematic and insensitive?  Gather around the fire with me, you delicate tulips.  Let me tell you a story.

There will be potty language.  And there will be no straddling the fence to appease both sides.  So, read at your own risk.  But, absolutely always feel free to respond and engage in discussion!

When I got into this show, I fell down the rabbit hole like everyone else, and watched con footage and interviews and became more invested than I ever have in a show because of all the (perceived) incredible positivity and kindness reflected from the cast to the SPN Family and vice versa.  I had never seen anything like it.  And I was so impressed with this fandom and proud to be a part of it that I do something I rarely do - I gushed about it to friends.  Even though I knew they'd give me shit.  Because we think we're too cool for school or something.  I don't know.

My love for this show and fandom eventually led me to Tumblr and the actors Twitter feeds.  I went full fangirl.  I thought, "Yay!  Other people who enjoy this amazing show.  Gifs!  Funnies!  Fanfics!  Art!  Support!"  And there is that, undoubtedly....but there is also this seedy underbelly that gets far more attention that it merits.  And I have become so disillusioned and angered by the shit I see here on the regular, not to mention Twitter.... that I feel like I need to disengage from following both (SPN-wise), so I don't burst a fucking capillary.

Before I do that.... to the handful of "fans" that have caused a Twitter uproar and instigated shortsighted and nasty smear campaigns regarding:

1.  Jareds inappropriate joke

2.  Mark Pellegrino and William Shatner defending Jared over some other Twitter bullshit.  They didn’t cause the initial offense, they merely defended their buddy against all the flamers....which, apparently is not allowed for these specific individuals.  They’re so evil.  How dare they have a human response to seeing their friend get charbroiled online.  It’s like they think they’re real people....

3.  Jensen supporting his FRIEND JDM when he was harassed and lambasted on Twitter and Instagram for wearing a Blue Lives Matter t-shirt.  *Also, see #2*

4.  Jensens retweet of Pellegrinos very nice message welcoming India to the SPN Family (flooding Jensens feed with demands that he not support his castmate and friend because Mark stood up to them or because they don't agree with Marks ideology.  Way to take something positive and turn it ugly, BTW.  Sorry, India.  Truly.  I'm secondhand cringing over here.)  *Also, see #2*

5.  *See previous rants on this page*

Can you please fuck off already?   I hear Antarctica is nice this time of year, and that knitting is a great way to take your mind off things and meditate.  I might follow my own advice, in fact.  But stay the hell away from my yurt.  I am stabby when it comes to you people.

There are always going to be people who feel compelled to stir up a lot of shit over anything these guys say and do, and they generally also apply that rule to most things in life, I'm guessing.  And I know opinions are like assholes (everyone's got one), but really, there seem to be a handful of folks that LIVE for the drama around here. Get a grip.  Be useful.  Because what you seem to enjoy doing - Tearing down public figures in order to promote your own agenda, and making threats and accusations and spreading them like cancer?  It's not productive. It's toxic.   With regards to THE JOKE:

I don't want to tell the joke.  TELL IT!  No, my jokes are all inappropriate.  TELL it!  Nah... TELL IT ANYWAY, WE DON'T CARE!  *Tells joke*  *Sees personal integrity torpedoed and potentially damaged career/legacy due to an influx of online articles based on a handful of tweets by reactionary "fans" who probably weren't even there*  Nice set-up, people.

Neither one of these guys is or has ever been anything but gracious to fans, not to mention caring and supportive.  That's why fans from all over the world come to see them and share their personal stories of hardship with this cast.  And they are certainly not proponents of rape culture.  

These conventions are for adults, by adults.  And if you bothered to even watch a sampling of con footage of these guys, your delicate sensibilities would probably be overwhelmed by the sexually charged and deeply inappropriate things that get said BY some fans TO these guys.  But here's the thing, these actors take it in stride and treat their fans like friends.  And these cons are very intimate and personal, open and extremely funny.  Is content inappropriate sometimes?  Yes, thank Chuck. THAT'S USUALLY WHAT MAKES IT FUNNY.   

Have you ever watched a comedy routine?  How do you handle dark humor?  Can you?  If you can't?  Don't watch.  Don't play Cards Against Humanity either.  In fact....turn the internet off and spend time around real people.  Build up some tolerance.  Take your newfound tolerance to a domestic violence shelter and volunteer your time.  Immerse yourself in a new culture.  Read a few books.  Educate yourself a bit and grow wiser.  Pick your battles and fight for what's right.  Not for what you "think" is right for Twit hits.

And you know what?  If you're the type of person who is going to go on a witch hunt that results in these guys having to share the same platform with guys like Weinstein and Spacey, with potentially irreversible damage done to their professional and personal lives over something like THIS?   Congratulations.  You've become the thought police.  You're demonizing people who have done a tremendous amount of good in the world around them via campaigns that stem from a desire to reach out to their fandom and support of people in crisis, particularly women, over a lame joke that Jared and especially Jensen, didn't feel was appropriate to share in the first place.  These are genuinely kind and decent men, maybe do some more background research and check your motivation before you irrevocably damage someones well-being and livelihood.  

And because I don’t know any of your names or whereabouts, I can’t actually fuck up your life, can I?  And even if I could?  Why on earth would I??  Anonymity’s great, though....isn’t it?  We can go online and sit on our own virtual Mount Olympus, raining down accusations, judgments and sentences with minimal effort, foresight or concern for the ramifications of our actions.  

And Jared is a prime example of that sometimes.  I’m sorry to say, because he is a good dude, but he’s guilty of some of the same flamebroiling of people that you excuse yourselves from in the name of self righteousness.  The difference is - you can hide behind your anonymity.  He can’t.  And I’m down with calling people on their bullshit behavior (clearly), and Jared has had it coming a few times, but THIS?  This is ridiculous.

Since you seem to be fond of extreme responses, I could make the comparison that encouraging, no....demanding that someone do something that they don't want to do, and then shaming them for it when they do what you've asked? That's REAL textbook abuse.  Chew on that for a minute.

Congrats again, because when you search either of their names, that's the FIRST thing that comes up.  "Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles made a rape joke".  The joke in and of itself doesn't and shouldn't negate all the good they've put out in the world, but in the eyes of the general public outside the fandom?  NOW it does.  THAT'S what people now see.  

It's amazing how a 7 word joke can lead to online character assassination that tears down over a decade of good works.  And I wouldn't blame them one bit for shutting down future cons and/or reducing their conversation with fans to subject matter that strictly pertains to the show. 

And if you have stated any iteration of "I will no longer be a fan or watch this show because of these horrible meanies"... GOOD.  FUCKING.  RIDDANCE.   It would make the SPN Family a much better place to be if ya'll and your other easily offended brethren who can dish it out, but can't take it, would fuck off to parts unknown to fixate on something else and leave us in peace.  

#SPNFamily #easilyoffended #supernatural #Jared Padalecki #cw network #creationcons #Jensen Ackles #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #Misha Collins #castiel #lucifer #mark pellegrino #william shatner #akf #you are not alone #random acts

[beyond-myreach]

Of Second Chances [1/1]

Summary: On Lancia, after Mukuro

After Mukuro was captured and Lancia alongside him by the Vendicare, Lancia didn’t know what to expect. All he knew was that ever since he was freed from Mukuro’s control, all Lancia felt was guilt. When Mukuro was in control of him, it was almost ridiculous how easy it was to cut someone down and not spare a thought about them. 

But now, in control of his own facilities, there wasn’t a moment he wasn’t flooded with the acts of horror he had committed with his own hands, the shocked “Lancia?” his Family member expressed when he stabbed them in the back, his betrayal not even fully registering before they died with their eyes wide open. Lancia couldn’t sit a moment in his own skin without recalling his body’s betrayal, his mind screaming at him to stop as he watched himself commit acts after acts of violence, until at last, even his mind slipped and then… nothing.

Lancia waited a month for his trial and when it came, all he felt was relief. Whatever final judgement Vendicare decided to hand down - death, toture, eternal punishment, it would at least be an end. Perhaps finally then he can have some closure, make peace with himself under the judge, jury and executioners of Vendicare.

Whatever ending they choose for him, Lancia will just accept. 

On the day of the trial, a Vendice wrapped their chain around him and walked him to Vendicare’s courtroom. There was a slight breeze around the Vendice as they moved, despite them being underground, and Lancia’s mind unwittingly dug up another instance when he experienced it, back when he was first brought to Vendicare from Kokuyo Land. 

“You…” Lancia says unwittingly, his throat parched after weeks of solitary confinement and not speaking. The Vendice looked back at him, before almost gently pushing him ahead through the door. 

The Vendice in the courtroom - them also vaguely familiar like a dream - glanced up when they arrived. When they walked by them, Lancia noted that the air around the second Vendice was cool compared to the ambient temperature, and recalled that Vendices moved in pairs. The second Vindice glanced at the Vendice behind Lancia, at Lancia himself, and then finally up ahead.

“It’s starting,” he says, his voice cold like ice but not harsh. The Vendice judge was at the desk. 

The trial started and Lancia was numb. They read aloud a list of his crimes and with every one came a flash of horrible memory, causing his mind to flinch back from it until by the end, Lancia barely comprehend anything anymore, his mind so detached from his body he was barely breathing.  

“Lancia Serpent,” the Vendice judge said, hitting the gavel. Lancia came back with a start. From the judge’s tone, he could tell it was time for the final judgement. “After going over your crimes and hearing the testimony from the Vendices, we have decided on your sentence.”

Lancia could feel every beat of his blood in his neck, at his wrist, against his leg. He reminded himself that however they decide his fate, at least it would be an end. 

“Although you have broken the law of omerta by your senseless slaughtering, Mukuro mind-controlled you for the majority of your crimes,” the judge said, his words far away like under water. “In light of that and your cooperation with Vendicare after you were released from Mukuro’s control, you’ll get a reduced choice of sentencing.” 

Lancia’s head snapped up. The judge continued, as though Lancia’s world hadn’t been flipped upside down, “Spend two years in prison at Vindicare… or work for Vindicare for two years and repair the damage that you have caused.”

Choice, he said, like pouring alcohol over a seeping wound and letting it burn. 

To repair the damages he had caused and to make amends weren’t something he ever considered possible; he didn’t think he would ever have choice or free-will again, and yet ironically it was Vendicare that gave it back to him in the end. It was a more generous offer than Lancia had expected for his crimes, especially given Vendicare’s ruthless reputation for enforcing the Mafia laws with an iron fist, and it was way more than he deserved. 

Reparation… Lancia wasn’t sure if it was possible, but he wanted to try. 

The Vendice judge drew up a contract for him, which stated Lancia would work for Vendicare for two years. Once the two years are up, Vendicare will wipe his memory to protect their anonymity and the people they work with, and then they’ll free him. If Lancia tried to run, harm Vendicare, or share any information Lancia learned during his work, he’ll get hunted down, mindwiped, and sentenced to another twenty years in prison. 

Lancia bit his thumb and pressed it onto the contract after looking over it, leaving behind a thumbprint inked in blood, and then the judge stamped the contract with a seal. The seal glowed briefly and then settled into the contract in red ink, and the deal was made.

“You’ll be working with these two Vendices during your time here,” the Vendice judge said, gesturing to the Vendices that were present during his hearing. “If you break the agreement, we will find you through the contract.” He let the words linger in the air for a moment, before finally saying, “Welcome to Vendicare. The Vendices will show you to your quarter.”

The Vendices showed him to his room, which was a studio with bare necessities. It wasn’t homey by any means, but it was more than he expected after being on the run as the fake Mukuro for so long.  

“You probably have a lot of questions,” the Vendice who felt like ice said. “We’ll tell you more tomorrow, but for now, just settle in.”

“We’re next door if you need us!” the Vendice with the breeze piped up. “You’ll have to dial for us, ‘cause your room needs to be unlocked from inside and out to open the door, since you’re still in probation ’til you pass the one year mark and prove you’re trustworthy and stuff. You let us know if you need anything though!”

At least it was like a prison in that way. It made Lancia feel just a little better, to have some sort of restrictions after years of not being in control of himself. He wouldn’t know what to do with his newfound freedom otherwise, wouldn’t even know where to start. 

He also wouldn’t be able to kill indiscriminately if Mukuro somehow controlled him again.

Lancia nodded numbly at the Vendices, suddenly feeling the exhaustion from the day’s turn of events. As they bid him goodnight, it didn’t even occur to Lancia to be surprised that the Vendices, the boogiemen of the Mafia, extended basic courtesies and had such a mundane conversation with him. 

He hit the sack and then he was gone.

xxx

The next morning there was a knock on the door, and it took Lancia a long time to recall he was in a studio and not in jail, and his decision to work with Vendicare for two years. It took even longer to finally roll out of bed and grope for the button that unlocked the door on his side, and then the door slid open, revealing a red-haired man bouncing lightly on his feet.

“Hey Lancia, good morning!” the red-haired man Lancia had never seen before in his life chirped. “You up, man? Let’s go get some breakfast and then we can run you through some stuff!”

The door next to his whip opened and a short man with sleep-mussed blue hair stepped out. The air around them dropped by a few degrees.

“Jin,” he said, like the name itself was a curse. He pulled the red-haired man back by his shoulder and the redhead looked back, confused but attentive. “What did I say about waiting until a more godly hour?”

“It’s “ - Jin nudged Lancia to the side to peer at the clock in his studio, and Lancia went, befuddled by this turn of event - “seven am already, Touya!” Jin triumphantly turned back to the blue-haired man named Touya. 

Touya let out an exasperated breath, before pulling Jin back behind him so he was in front of Lancia. “I’m Touya,” he said, extending a slender hand out. “That’s Jin,” he said, tilting his head in indication, and Jin - taller than Touya almost by a foot - waved behind him with a grin. 

“You’re...?” Lancia asked, because that introduction answered absolutely nothing, even as he took Touya’s offered hand. Toua’s hand was cold, nearly ice. Something sparked in Lancia and he glanced back at Jin and then Touya, and the image of the two Vendices from yesterday overlapped in front of him. They were the same height, and they were next door. “The Vendices?”

Touya blinked at Lancia and then groaned. “This is why we wait until a more godly hour to introduce ourselves,” he grouched, glaring at Jin through his drooping hair. 

Jin grinned sheepishly. “Maybe I was too excited.” He turned to Lancia, and answered, “Yup, we’ll be working together for the next two years. Nice to meet ya!”

Lancia stared at them, trying to reconcile the boogiemen of the Mafia with the two in front of him. When he didn’t say anything, Touya finally withdrew his hand from Lancia’s and said firmly, “We’ll come back at noon” and dragged Jin away, who waved cheerfully at Lancia until the door closed. 

Lancia went back to bed, convinced he dreamed up Jin and Touya.

He finally woke up naturally at eight o’clock, too jittery about his new assignment to continue sleeping, and with nothing else to do and not quite used to having his own free time yet, he got ready to start the day. He was just scrolling through the internet on the laptop in the room to calm his nerves and pass time - he had access to everything but email, social media, and anything that allowed him to communicate with the outside world - when there was a knock on his door.

Lancia glanced at his clock. It was exactly noon, on the dot.

Lancia took a breath to prepare himself, and then clicked the door button on his end. The door slid open. 

As it turned out, he did not dream up Jin and Touya. 

“Hello, Lancia,” Touya said, his voice smooth like opaque ice. His hair was no longer sleep-mussed and instead, it was slicked back, giving him a more austere look. “Sorry about this morning. Let me introduce ourselves again. I’m Touya and he’s Jin. We’re the Vindices that will be working with you for the next two years.”

“Nice to meet you,” Lancia said, and that was all he managed to get out before Jin exclaimed, “Let’s eat, I’m starving,” and then dragged them through the halls to the cafeteria. 

The cafeteria was overwhelming. It was lunchtime and there were so many people milling about, all of which were probably Vendices out of uniform. Jin and Touya walked around the cafeteria with him, telling him about the different stalls and what they offered as they passed, but Lancia heard none of it. With every additional word, food stalls, and choices, Lancia felt himself sink into himself a little more, like he was caught in a quicksand of choices that threatened to swallow him up if he didn't act. 

He wanted to choose, he really did. He just didn’t know how. 

Lancia locked up, not knowing what to do or how to handle this. 

Jin stopped in front of a food stall and sniffed the air. “Ooh, this smells good.” He turned to them. “I’ll grab us something, go sit, sit.” Jin shooed them towards the side of the cafeteria with the seats. “My treat,” he said with an impish grin, as though at some kind of inside joke, and Touya shook his head with a small laugh as he led them to an empty table. 

Lancia followed behind woodenly.

“The food here’s free,” Touya explained when they sat down and he mistakened Lancia’s silence as confusion. 

My treat, Lancia recalled Jin saying, and that surprised a snort of laughter out of him. 

“You’re different than I expected,” Lancia found himself confessing. His body slowly unlocked from its fight-or-flight nerves. “Both you and Jin. The entire Vendicare.”

Touya smiled, just the smallest quirk of his lips. “Vendicare has a reputation to maintain as the enforcer of Mafia laws. It makes our job easier when even just our reputation makes people think twice about acting out.” His eyes turned dark, like flint, and for a moment, Lancia could see exactly the Vendice in him. “However, you’ll find that we do live up to our reputation. Those who deliberately break our laws and cause chaos will see why, exactly, we are known for being ruthless.”

Lancia thought about Mukuro’s execution sentence, dealt upon him even at the age of eighteen, and banished the thought. He wasn’t ready to think about Mukuro and his madness, his betrayal, how he controlled Lancia to kill his Family with his own hands even though Lancia treated him like a little brother, and how a part of Lancia still wondered how Mukuro was doing even after everything.

Lancia nodded. “I can see that,” he stated. He hesitated for a second, and instead of asking about Mukuro - last he heard, Vongola struck some kind of deal for him, he asked, “How did you and Jin end up working at Vendicare? You’re not prisoners like me.”

“We - ” Touya started, but then Jin crashed against his back. 

“Hey hey, I’m back,” Jin said, stepping away from Touya with a grin when Touya turned a glare on him. “There were a lot of people, so I just grabbed us all the same thing. Hope you like pad thai,” he said as the plates settled in front of them. He blinked at Lancia. “Hello, earth to Lancia?”

“... That’s not Flames, is it?” Lancia asked, gesturing to the something that allowed Jin to float three plates of food down to each of them from mid air.  

Jin glanced to the side where Lancia gestured, befuddled, and then it was like a lightbulb went off above his head. “Oh, you’re talking about this,” he said, and a gust of wind warped around him, fluttering his hair and clothes. Lancia finally noticed the small horn on top of his head and the shape of his ears, which were previously hidden by his hair. The tip of Jin’s ears were pointy, like an elf’s. “Pretty cool, huh?” he said. “It’s demon energy though, not your Flames.”

 “... demon energy,” Lancia said flatly.

“... Oops?” Jin uttered, and Touya just dragged him down to sit. 

“Can you also use this demon energy?” Lancia asked Touya, checking the top of his head, his ears, and just anything that he might have missed before, but Touya looked normal, just like any other person out there.

“Yes,” Touya answered, and Jin poked him. 

“Show him, show him,” Jin said to Touya, poking him with every word. He turned to Lancia with a grin. “Touya’s power is really cool too!”

Jin and Lancia looked at Touya, and Touya looked back steadily before he finally sighed. He held up a hand, and before Lancia’s eyes, ice grew from it until it morphed into a solid glistening block of ice. 

“That’s why you always feel cold,” Lancia said, reaching out. He looked at Touya and at his nod, he touched his hand to the ice. It felt solid; if it was an illusion, it was a good one. Out of curiosity, he summoned his Storm Flame and it danced along the ice, a contrast of pale blue and red. The Storm Flame’s Disintegration characteristic didn’t cause the ice to break down at all. “You’re strong,” he said, withdrawing his hand from Touya’s, and he was treated to his smile. 

“We’re demons,” Touya said simply, and Lancia knew he wasn’t just talking about his strength. 

Lancia looked between Jin and Touya, before finally down at his food. His stomach growled. He wanted to eat. 

“What’s a demon?” he asked, finally picking up his fork. He took a bite of his pad thai, and then another, and before he knew it, he was ravenously shoveling pad thai into his mouth. It was sweet, it was savory. The salty, nutty taste danced on his tongue, leaving behind a mild heat in their wake. 

Jin grinned. “That good, huh?” he said, and wolfed down his food as well.

“Demons are people like you, but different,” Touya answered Lancia, following suit, albeit in a slower manner. “Biologically, humans and demons are pretty much the same, save a few subtle genes. Unless you know what you’re looking for, it’s hard to spot the difference at all.”

“And this difference,” Lancia said in between bites. It had been a while since he had decent food, and it was good, “lets you control wind and ice?”

Touya nodded. “The same way something in your DNA allows you to manifest Flames. Humans used spirit energy once, before Flames. Demon energy and spirit energy are like flip sides of a coin. The ability for demons to use demon energy and for humans to use spirit energy - or later on, Flames - always existed, but whether it’s activated and used is another matter.” 

“Though sometimes the differences are very apparent,” Jin piped up, pointing with a grin at his horn and pointy ears that Lancia still wasn’t sure how he missed the first time around. 

“So there’s demons everywhere living among us?” Lancia asked. He looked down at his empty plate mournfully. That was good and now he wanted a drink. It wasn’t everyday he found out that the world as he knew it was not the complete truth. It was not unlike discovering Flames when his Family took him in, he supposed, though he was younger and more impressionable back then.

“Kinda? There’s probably more demons in Vendicare than in other parts of this world now,” Jin mused, sending out a gust of wind with the wave of his hand. A bottle sitting on the counter of a food stall floated across the room to them. When the worker there noticed her escaping drink, she traced it back to Jin and gave him a look, which Jin replied by putting his index and thumb together to form a heart. The worker shook her head fondly and went back to work. 

Jin untwisted the cap to the bottle. “Soju?” he offered Lancia. 

Lancia accepted the bottle and took a swig. It tasted clean, slightly fruity, though not overly strong. Everything, it seemed, tasted good when he was free.  

Lancia handed it back to Jin, who passed it to Touya. 

“Thanks,” Touya said, tilting his head back to take a sip. When he brought it back down, the bottle had noticeable condensation on it, like it had been chilled. “Here,” he said, giving it to Jin, who grinned in thanks. 

“There’s not a lot of demons in this world now,” Touya said, turning back to Lancia. “Vendicare collects those who can’t fit in, either because they manifest different physical traits like Jin or because they somehow manage to activate and use their demon energy, thereby risk exposing us to the world.” His eyes turned softer. “Vendicare is like a haven for demons in this world.”

Lancia thought about his childhood, how his Family was his haven from the hunger and suffering he had endured on the streets. On the streets, it wasn’t easy to be young, different, and alone. He would have done anything for his Family for rescuing him, and when Mukuro came along, Lancia wanted to provide the same haven for him. 

He shook away that train of thought.

“So there is actually a demon world where demons live?” he asked, recalling Mukuro’s red eye and the different realms it can access. One of them was the Realm of Demons.

“There is,” Jin piped up, “though we’ve never been and have no interest in it. We grew up here, after all. If the demons who don’t fit into this world don’t want to join Vendicare, they get sent to Demon World instead. There’s a barrier in between the two worlds, which works pretty well in keeping Human World and Demon World apart, but a long time ago when the barrier first came down, there were still some demons in the Human World, so we’re like descendants who got stuck on the other side.”

Human World, Demon World, and now a barrier. It was like something out of a fantasy book. “And why is there a barrier between the worlds?”

“Uh.” Jin exchanged a look with Touya, and at Touya’s shrug, Jin scratched his head awkwardly. He took another long glup of Soju. “It ain’t us, but our demon ancestors were eating the humans back then.” Lancia stared at them. “It got kinda outta control, so they slammed a barrier between the two worlds so the human population won’t go extinct.” Jin hurriedly added, raising his empty plate of pad thai as evidence, “We don’t eat people though!”

“... I’m glad to hear,” Lancia said, absently wondering if he can take on Jin and Touya. He never fought them so there wasn’t an easy way to gauge, though they were Vendices and they carried themselves the way strong fighters do. Maybe if they came at him individually, he can take them on. “This is a lot to digest.”

At the joke, Touya smiled and Jin chortled, and Lancia thought, demon or not, they were going to get along just fine. 

“That’s also how humans came to have Flames,” Touya added. Lancia wondered if this was what Vendicare counted as bedtime stories, the story of how the world came to be as it was.“Have you heard of the story of Prometheus?”

The name sounded familiar. “The Greek god?” Lancia said, trying to recall. “He’s the god of fire, right? Stole fire for humanity.”

“Humanity always had fire,” Jin said, waving it aside. “He stole Flames.” Lancia didn’t know what kind of expression he had, but whatever it was, it caused Jin to grin. “Yeah, even after the barrier came down, humans were at risk because there were still some demons that were trapped in the human side of the barrier. People prayed and made wishes and then finally hatched a plan. Fourteen people raided the Spirit World for anything to protect themselves against demons. Seven made it back out, each carrying a different Flame, and that’s how humanity has seven Dying Will Flames today.”

“That…” Lancia said, “is very interesting, but a lot.” He was beginning to get a headache. “Is there anything else you want to add?”

It was terrifying to see Jin and Touya consider that very seriously for a moment. Lancia didn’t want to know what other bombs they wanted to drop on him. 

“No,” Touya finally said, “that’s about it for now.” At Lancia’s relieved expression, the corner of his lips quirked. “Sorry for the influx of information. We try to be up front about these things before they present more questions later.” 

“I’ll be sure to let you know if I have any more questions,” Lancia said dryly. It occurred to him then that despite his initial trepidation, he had survived lunch and his meeting with the Vendices just fine. More than fine, even.

He wondered if that was their plan, to keep him moving so he didn’t have time to panic. They even chose his food and drink so he didn’t have to struggle with all the possible choices. “Thanks,” he said, and he was referring to more than just the information. 

“Happy to help,” Jin chirped and Touya nodded. “Here, you can finish this.” 

Jin passed him the soju bottle, and Lancia downed the rest just because he could. 

It felt good. 

xxx

“I was the strongest man in Northern Italy,” Lancia said into his headpiece, and it wasn’t so much as a boast as it was a statement, because it was true and he would like to remind the Vendices and himself of that. 

Jin laughed over the comm. “Like we said, you’re not cleared to come on missions yet,” he said. They were traveling, Lancia could see that from the two moving dots on the computer that he was tracking them on, but Jin’s words were barely distorted. Vendicare truly invested in good technology. “Minimum, you need to know how to blend in with us in our uniform and use the Vendice chain.”

“My weapon is a Steel Serpent Ball that is controlled by a chain,” Lancia pointed out. “I don’t think it’ll take me long to learn how to use the Vendice chain.”

“That, and we need to spar with you to see how well you fight,” Touya said. Before Lancia could once again point out his epithet as the strongest man in Northern Italy, Touya continued, “Your weapon of choice is too unique. No one in Vendicare fights alike besides the fact that we use the Vendice chain to secure our prisoners, but the purpose of our bandaged uniform is defeated if you use something so identifying. We need to see how well you fight without your weapon.”

That made sense, but… “Why did you make me the handler?” Lancia asked. “I’m not even good with computers.”

Jin laughed. “That’s the only open spot on our team,” he said. 

“You mean neither of you like tracking down the target, coordinating plane tickets, hotels, and return routes,” Lancia corrected. 

“That too,” Touya admitted unabashedly. When there was only his voice to focus on, it was easier to hear the smile in his tone. “When we come back, we can spar and if you perform well, you can join us on the field on future missions, in addition to your handler role.”

It was more work, but the idea of stretching his muscles outside was too enticing of an idea. Lancia couldn’t remember the last time he let himself want, and it was within reach too. “Deal.”

Lancia sparred against Jin when they came back, Lancia with Flames but no Steel Serpent Ball and Jin with only five chances to use his wind. By the end, both of them were sweating and breathing hard, and Jin won by a narrow margin.

“You’re strong!” Jin exclaimed excitedly, collapsed against the floor. “We watched you fight before. You didn’t fight like this against the Vongola guy, Tsunayoshi.” 

At the mention of that fight, Lancia’s grin from their spar faded. “I was under control at the time,” Lancia explained softly, also resting on the floor. “I didn’t want to fight Tsunayoshi; I just wasn’t given the choice.”

“Ah,“ Jin said, because there really wasn’t much to say to that. “Well, you definitely could have won against Tsunayoshi if you fought like this!” he enthused. He put his finger against his chin. “Hmm, though I guess Tsunayoshi looked like he was full of surprises as well.”

“Perhaps,” Lancia said, the corner of his lips unwittingly twitching up. Jin really liked fighting, not as a necessity, but as a sport.

Touya walked over with two chilled bottles of water. He passed one to Jin and one to Lancia, and both of them accepted gratefully. “Rest a little,” Touya said, “and when you’re ready, we can do the Vendice chain test.”

Touya had Lancia capture inanimate targets at different distances with the Vendice chain, which he did easily enough. The difficult part came when he asked Lancia to immobilize Touya one time while he was in motion. Touya was nimble and fast, and however adequate Lancia was with the Vendice chain, Touya was better at reading and dodging it. 

After eight minutes, Lancia finally managed to corral Touya into a corner. Touya realized the trap almost immediately, but by then, Lancia had already swung the Vendice chain around him. 

“I finally got you,” Lancia huffed. 

Then, the Vendice chain iced over and shattered. Before Lancia could react, Touya darted forward and Lancia found himself on his back against the ground.

“I give,” Lancia said immediately, dropping the remainder of the chain that hadn’t shattered. What was he going to do with the chain when faced with Touya’s hand iced over into a sword and poised above his throat? Touya blinked at him and Lancia blinked back, before Touya finally realized he retaliated against Lancia for trying to immobilize him.

“Sorry, instincts took over. I didn’t mean to attack you,” Touya said. He got off of Lancia and helped him up. “You did well; you passed.”

Jin drifted over to them. One day, Lancia would get used to it. 

“Touya might not look like it, but he hates losing,” Jin mock-whispered to Lancia. He had a wide, amused grin on his face.

“Shut up,” Touya said, his face just slightly pink.  

Lancia didn’t know how he could be so fond of two people he met not even a week ago. “Does this mean I can go on missions with you guys now?”

“Yup,” Jin chirped, and so it was decided that Lancia would start going on missions with them, in addition to his handler role.

Not using his weapon and using the Vendice chain, wearing a black cloak and even the top hat, Lancia could handle. But the bandages… 

“I feel like a mummy on Halloween,” Lancia said, struggling to twist the bandages in place so they’d stay. From his seat on the bench, Touya made a valiant effort not to laugh, but Jin was just full out cackling near the ceiling, so much that he created a mini wind storm whirling in the middle of the locker room. “This wind storm is not helping,” Lancia said, grabbing for the flailing end of the bandage and missing. The wrapping he had already done around his arms was unwinding. “Why are bandages a thing?” he bemoaned.

“Our predecessors wore them,” Touya said. He stood and walked over to Lancia. When he held his hand out for the bandage, Lancia more than happy gave it to him, grateful that Touya took pity on him. “Unfortunately, the look stuck and now people associate Vendicare with it, so it became our uniform.”

“It does look intimidating,” Jin said, finally getting his laughter under control. He stopped the mini wind storm and came down from the ceiling, settling against the locker in front of Lancia. “When done right, of course,” he said with a wink, unable to resist poking fun at Lancia one last time. 

Lancia couldn’t even get annoyed, because Jin was right. Together, Jin and Touya got to work and wrapped the bandages around Lancia. They did it so deftly in a record of time that Lancia wondered why he even tried in the first place. 

xxx 

Over time, Lancia learned how to better bandage himself to prepare for missions. He also learned that despite Vendidcare’s fearful reputation, they usually only go after people beyond saving and who had caused a lot of harm. Their line of work was interesting and they fought a lot of people who were strong, something Lancia enjoyed, but it was also sometimes incredibly bleak.

On their third mission, they went to Southern Italy for the don of a small Family who was running a brothel of street kids with Flames. Don Roberto was a portly grandfather-type; he reminded Lancia of the don of his former Family. When Roberto saw them coming through the front door of his estate, he met them at the foyer. 

“So Vindicare finally came for me,” he said, like he had been waiting for them and their arrival was a relief. “I’ll go with you,” he said, and true to his word, he didn’t resist when Lancia wrapped his Vendice chain around him

As they led him out, a kid no more than twelve peeked out from the hallway. “Grandpa Roberto?” 

Lancia froze.

The kid looked at Jin, Touya, and Lancia - all three of them dressed in black coats and bandages -  and at the chains around the don she called grandpa. She walked up to them with the innocent confusion only children possess and tugged on Roberto’s sleeve. “Where are you going?” she asked. She glanced up at Lancia with big wide eyes and said with a child’s piercing perceptiveness, “Where are they taking you?”

Roberto knelt down beside the kid, the chains around him clanking.

“Don Roberto,” Touya said, a threat in his voice, because none of the Vendices forgot for what crime, exactly, was Roberto being taken in for. 

“Grandpa Roberto’s going away for a little while,” he said to the kid softly. “Be good, alright, Rosa?”

“When are you coming back?” she asked, and Roberto inhaled shakily. It took him a moment to speak.

“Grandpa Roberto made a mistake,” he said, instead of answering. “I have to go.” He stood. “I’m sorry. I love you, passerotta.”

There were tears in Roberto’s eyes when they left. As they headed back on the plane, despite probably breaking protocol, Lancia couldn’t help but ask, “Is she - ?”

The girl Rosa looked about Mukuro’s age when he joined Lancia’s Family. 

Roberto cut him off. “She’s my granddaughter,” he said, as though unable to bear to hear the rest of the accusation. “You must think I’m a monster, but despite everything I’ve done, she’s my family. I’d never hurt her.” He closed his eyes. “She doesn’t know anything about what I did.”

“Then why?” Lancia asked. “All those kids…” The thought made Lancia sick. 

Roberto looked at him. “I’m the don of a small Family threatened to be swallowed up by a much bigger and well-connected one,” he said. “I don’t expect you to understand, but I’d do anything to protect my Family.” His eyes hardened, even as they became sad. “Even if it means becoming a monster.”

Roberto’s words followed Lancia days after. Lancia’s former Family in Northern Italy was by no means small or weak, but they were troubled financially. Their Don was a kind man who constantly took in orphans, just as he took in Lancia and later Mukuro, and the mouths they had to feed were constantly growing. Whenever Lancia asked about their finances, the upper echelon always told him not to worry and just to protect the Family, and they’ll take care of the rest. 

And now, however much it felt like betrayal to even consider, Lancia couldn’t help but wonder if in their attempt to handle their finances, his Family did something to Mukuro. Lancia never found out why exactly Mukuro annihilated Lancia’s Family - he was too busy processing his grief and guilt at their deaths by his own hand and later on, from being controlled - but he always assumed it was from Mukuro’s general hatred of Mafia after being experimented on in his youth. But what if Mukuro had a reason to hate Lancia’s Family specifically, and Lancia was just blinded to it because of his loyalty to his Family?

“You’re distracted,” Jin said, after he knocked Lancia down the third time in the sparring room. He cocked his head to the side. “Something bothering you?”

 Lancia pushed himself off the ground to a sitting position. “I…”

“I don’t expect you to understand, but I’d do anything to protect my Family.” Roberto’s eyes hardened, even as they became sad. “Even if it means becoming a monster.”

“I want to visit Mukuro,” Lancia blurted out. He needed, needed, to know. Did his Family hurt Mukuro in some way and that was why he attacked them?

“No.” Touya, watching them on the side of the sparring room, stood. “Why?” he asked. “Why would you want to see him again after everything he’s done?”

“I just want to understand -”

“There is nothing to understand,” Touya said, stalking forward. Goosebumps raised on Lancia’s arm. “It wouldn’t change what he had done.”

Lancia looked at Jin. He’d never seen Touya so vehement before. 

“Hey,” Jin said softly, stepping in front of Lancia to intercept Touya. “Touya, look at me.”

Jin waved his hand at Lancia behind his back, gesturing to him to slip away. 

“He shouldn’t,” Touya said, his voice breaking. He sounded so distressed that Lancia felt guilty for ever bringing this up. He wanted to comfort Touya somehow, calm him, but Jin was waving his hand even more urgently now, so Lancia reluctantly slipped out of the sparring room instead. 

They were in the sparring room for an hour before Jin finally slipped out. He didn’t look surprised to see Lancia still waiting outside. 

Lancia stood from his seat on the floor. “Is he okay?” 

“Yeah, Touya’s fine now.” Jin scratched the back of his head. “Sorry about that, by the way.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Lancia said immediately. “It was my fault, I shouldn’t have -”

Jin shook his head. “No, it’s a reasonable request, given your history with Mukuro. It’s just…” His shoulder slumped. Lancia had never seen Jin look so tired. “Touya was a prodigy with his powers. He was different from everyone since he was young, and I” - Jin gestured to his horn and pointed ears - “stood out also. We didn’t have a pretty childhood, and Touya never really forgave the orphanage for how it treated us and how it let others treat us.” Jin smiled mirthlessly. “‘specially me, since my difference is more obvious.”

Jin leaned against the wall and stared into the distance. “Touya let loose his power very badly once, ‘cause these people were hurting me and he couldn’t get them to stop with words.” His eyes lowered. “So he stopped them permanently. It brought us to Vendicare’s attention and they took us in shortly after, and then we learned about demons and stuff. It's fine being different here, so we always considered it as some kind of haven for us.” 

Jin let out a breath and turned to Lancia. “You need a pass to see Mukuro, since he’s in the lowest level of Vendicare. I’ll ask for you.” He glanced at the sparring room, where Touya was in. “Touya meant well. He was just worried about you, since you’re different from the other prisoners in Vendicare. Working with you was his idea.”

“If he’ll be mad at you for helping me...” Lancia started. He didn’t know what he'd do. For his own peace of mind, Lancia wanted to know why from Mukuro, but Touya was right. Regardless of the reason, it didn’t change that fact that Mukuro used Lancia to murder his Family, and Lancia would never be able to forgive him for that. Lancia didn’t want to risk his friendship with Jin and Touya over something that could never be changed, and moreover, didn’t want to risk Jin’s friendship with Touya.   

Jin shook his head. “It’s fine, I talked to Touya,” he said. He was silent for a moment, before confessing, “I used to want to know why too. Was it something I did? If I changed the way I behaved, would things have been different? Or was it just the way they were and it had nothing to do with me, that if Touya and I weren’t there, they would have found other targets anyway?” Jin looked at Lancia. “I don’t know and I can’t ask anymore, but it doesn’t matter to me now.” He rapped his knuckles lightly against Lancia. “But it still matters to you.”

“Thank you,” Lancia said, and those two words couldn’t encapsulate everything Lancia felt - for trusting me with your past, for caring about me, for understanding, for letting me go through with this - but he tried. “I’m sorry about what happened in Touya and your past.”

The Touya and Jin he knew were so kind hearted and strong and caring; it broke his heart to imagine anyone was ever cruel to them. He thought about Touya’s usual composure cracking in the sparring room, about Jin’s current subdued behavior in contrast to his normal energetic self, and understood a little why Touya never forgave the people in their past. 

Lancia wasn’t sure he could either.  

“It’s okay,” Jin said. He was smiling, small, softly but present. “We’re fine now.” He stepped forward and enveloped Lancia into a hug. “And you will be too.”

xxx

As promised, Jin got a pass for Lancia to see Mukuro. 

“He’s held in the highest security of Vendicare,” Jin said, giving Lancia the pass. “This means he’ll be in a column of medicated water to keep him immobilized and unconscious, so he wouldn’t be awake for you to talk to him, though you can still see him from afar.” Jin fidgeted. “Also Touya and I will have to go with you, since you’re still on probation, so you can’t wander around yourself.”

Lancia looked at Touya, who although still treated Lancia cordially and interacted with him, felt a lot more distant ever since he raised his request to see Mukuro several days ago. 

“Is that okay?” Lancia asked Touya. “I don’t want to force you to go with me.”

Touya turned away, and Lancia tried to pretend that didn't hurt but failed. “Let’s go,” he said, arms crossed. Touya didn’t look pleased, but he didn’t necessarily look angry either. 

Jin tapped on his shoulder, and Lancia turned around. “Sorry, one more thing,” he said apologetically. He held up a black cloth that Lancia realized was a blindfold. “Just precaution. We’ll remove it once we get you downstairs.”

“It’s okay,” Lancia said, leaning his head down for Jin to tie it around his eyes. 

Lancia didn’t realize how ridiculous his request was until this moment. However friendly Jin and Touya were, they still worked for Vendicare, and Lancia - mind-controlled or not - was still a past accomplice of Mukuro. What was he thinking, asking them to let him see Mukuro? It was too easy to perceive that as an excuse to locate Mukuro for a prison break, so much that Lancia was surprised Vendicare even allowed this visit in the first place. Lancia couldn’t imagine the hoops Jin and Touya had to jump through to fulfil his request. 

“It goes over your eyes and ears,” Jin said, hovering above him with his feet off the ground. “You can’t hear anything after I put this on. Tap me three times if it’s not comfortable or if you need something.”

Lancia nodded, and then darkness descended over his eyes and the world fell silent. Lancia could still feel Jin - or at least, someone - next to him, but he could no longer see or hear, just as Jin warned. 

Lancia’s heart rate doubled in his chest. 

A hand settled over each of his own. They each felt different. Jin and Touya. 

Lancia squeezed their hands, grounding himself with their presence. It’s okay, he could almost hear them say. There was a moment of motionlessness, where they waited to see if he’d squeeze two more times to indicate discomfort, but he stood in place and held still, breathed and reminded himself that Jin and Touya were there with him, and that calmed him.

Someone tugged lightly on his arm. Lancia took a tentative step forward and then another. There was a breeze on his right and a cool chill on his left. He thought they might be flaring their powers on purpose for him, and it was working. Lancia followed the breeze and the chill, their hands in his own, confident they wouldn't lead him astray. 

“Thank you,” Lancia said at one point, or he thought he said, except he wasn’t sure since he didn’t hear it. There was an answering squeeze in each of his hands though, so he guessed Jin and Touya heard at least.  

Time seemed to stretch when two senses that Lancia relied on heavily were removed. It might have been fifteen minutes, it might have been shorter, before they finally came to a stop. The chill on his left caught him when he almost tripped from the extra step he took. 

They waited not long in place and then they stepped forward again. Lancia assumed they were in an elevator and it was confirmed when he felt the floor he was standing on descending. It still startled him that he squeezed Jin’s and Touya’s hand reflexively, and it was infinitely reassuring when they immediately squeezed back. 

The elevator came to a stop and then the breeze on his right moved to stand in front of Lancia. 

“... here,” Lancia caught Jin saying as he removed the blindfold, and then light and sound flooded his senses again. 

The elevator walls were an industrial reflective silver and there was a low humming noise coming from above. 

It took Lancia a moment to adjust. 

“You okay?” Jin asked, hovering in front of him. 

Lancia nodded. “Thank you,” he said, and realizing that he was still holding onto their hands, belatedly let go. “Thank you,” he looked at Touya and said again, recalling how he helped him despite the fact that they weren’t on the best of terms right now. 

Touya looked vaguely uncomfortable. He was crossing his arms again. “Jin and I need to tap our ids and you need to tap your pass to the elevator sensor for it to open,” he said. His expression darkened a little. “Mukuro is just beyond.”

Lancia nodded and took in a measured breath as Touya and Jin tapped their ids against the elevator sensor. They looked at him expectantly then, waiting for him, and abruptly, he was grateful for their presence. 

He wasn’t sure he could do this if he was alone. 

“Thank you for coming down with me,” he said, looking Jin and then Touya in the eye, willing them to understand the immense depth of his gratitude. “I know I said it a lot, but I really do mean it.”

Jin smiled at him encouragingly and Touya nodded, and that gave Lancia the strength he needed. He took a breath and tapped his pass against the elevator sensor, and the door slid open. 

The lowest level of Vendicare, containing many columns of water prisons and prisoners floating within them, was blue and sterile. They were actually on the second to last floor, since the controls for the water prisons were on the lowest level, and Lancia wasn't allowed there even with Jin and Touya escorting him. The second to last floor had glass walls that overlooked the lowest level. Even without Jin and Touya leading, Lancia found himself walking unerringly towards Mukuro’s water prison among all the other identical ones, like a compass homing north. 

Lancia let out breath when he finally spotted Mukuro. He was suspended in water, Vendice chains wrapped around his body, a thick metal collar around his neck, and a mask covering his face. There was a tube connected to the mask to help him breath underwater and to medicate him as necessary. His left eye was closed as though he was asleep, and his right eye - the one that allowed him to use Six Paths of Reincarnation - was sewn shut. 

Lancia didn’t know what he was expecting, but it wasn’t this. Mukuro always seemed so indestructible that seeing him like this twisted Lancia on the inside until he didn’t know what he should feel. 

He just knew he didn’t want this for Mukuro, even after everything.

“Came here to gloat?”  a voice said directly into Lancia’s head, and he startled. 

“You okay?” Jin asked. He exchanged a look of concern with Touya on Lancia’s other side. 

“Lancia,” Touya started, a small frown on his face.

“Tell them and they’ll whisk you away,” Mukuro said, sounding half-threatening and half-amused at the idea. “And then you’ll never find out whatever you came here for.”

“I’m fine,” Lancia said, and immediately felt guilty. He didn’t want to lie to Jin and Touya, who had only ever treated him well. “It’s just” - he gestured vaguely in Mukuro’s direction- “a lot.” He looked at them. “Can you two give me a moment here?”

Jin and Touya looked at each other. 

“Yeah,” Touya finally said. “We’ll be down the hall,” he said, gesturing to the end of the straight hallway a few feet away. It was far enough to give him some privacy but still close enough to keep an eye on him.

“I appreciate it,” Lancia said, and that was the truth. If Mukuro could still talk directly to him in his mind, he was still in his head in some ways. Lancia wanted answers, but he also didn’t want to be controlled again. Touya and Jin were strong. He knew they could stop him if anything. 

Touya nodded. As they walked by, Touya’s arm brushed against Lancia’s and Jin gave his shoulder a squeeze. He watched them settle down at the end of the hallway, before turning back to Mukuro.  

“How sweet of the Vendices,” Mukuro said, and Lancia stiffened at the reminder that Mukuro witnessed their exchange through Lancia. Mukuro had already taken his Family from him before. “Should I be jealous of your special treatment?”

“If you touch them,” Lancia snarled, barely resisting the urge to punch the glass wall in front of him. He stared hard at Mukuro’s body floating in the water prison, trying to drive his point across, though it did not have the same effect as meeting his eyes. “Do not touch them. Do I make myself clear?”

“Or?” Mukuro asked, amused. 

Or I’ll make you regret it, Lancia wanted to say, but he thought back to the little boy he cared for, his wide smiling face, his love for chocolate and hate for spicy food, his tendency to always end up in Lancia’s vincindity even though he swore up and down that he wasn’t following Lancia around, and what came out was, “Or I’ll never forgive you.”

There was a long moment of silence. 

“You already don’t forgive me,” Mukuro said. Lancia thought he sounded peevish and just a little sad. “I manipulated you into killing your Family, remember? What is one more offense to that?” Mukuro laughed. “And why should I care about what you think?”

Why should he, indeed? Except something was nagging at Lancia.

“Mukuro,” Lancia said, watching him intently. “Did my Family do something to you?”

If Mukuro reacted at all in his water prison, Lancia couldn’t tell. 

“... Is that what you came to ask?” Mukuro said, mocking and disbelieving. “After I held you prisoner for five years, it finally occurred to you to ask?”

Lancia flushed, grappling to recover. “After you killed my Family and held me prisoner for five years,” he said, a hard edge to his tone, “the least you can do is answer my question.”

 There was another long moment of silence. 

“Why ask?” Mukuro finally said. “Does it really matter? It’s been so long.”

“It matters to me,” Lancia said. 

“Say I tell you,” Mukuro said, “what do I get in return?” Before Lancia could speak, he continued, “What will you get in return? It doesn’t change anything that happened. You’ll lose more than you gain no matter what, Lancia.”

 Mukuro’s tone was almost soft by the end, when it touched Lancia’s name. 

“Lancia, Lancia,” Mukuro used to call out, struggling to keep up with his longer strides. Lancia would always wait for him to catch up and then swing him onto his shoulder, Mukuro’s shrieks of delight ringing out.

How much of that was real? Did Mukuro ever suffer under Lancia’s supervision without him knowing? He thought of Roberto and felt sick. 

“Tell me,” Lancia said, and couldn’t help the break in his tone. 

He took a deep breath. 

“It’s not as bad as you fear,” Mukuro finally said. He chuckled, and Lancia knew he snagged some of his memory and thoughts. “Definitely nothing along the lines of Roberto, though I hope he rots in prison.” Mukuro was silent for a moment, before he finally said quietly, “Your Family was smuggling Possession Bullets.”

“What?” Lancia said, startled. “But Possession Bullets were outlawed -”

“Yes,” Mukuro said, his tone bleeding with anger. “The great mighty Mafia persecuted the Estraneo Family outwardly over the Possession Bullet and their many inventions from human experimentation, but how many other Families secretly coveted their power?! The Mafia, hypocritical to its core. It drove the Estraneo Family to deep ends, and then fought over its remaining inventions among itself!”

“I…” Lancia struggled to process the information. “My Family was situated at a trading hub and our community was close-knit, so we had a great front.” Lancia could see how it pieced together, even if he didn’t want to. “We were selling for the Estraneo Family, so when you annihilated them, the demand for their inventions went up. And we probably still had some inventions in stock that we didn’t sell yet.”

“Your Boss’ bleeding heart,” Mukuro crooned. “Oh, to save so many orphan kids like myself on the backs of many of the same tortured and murdered kids!”

“I -” didn’t know, Lancia wanted to say, but it was an excuse. It happened right in his Family, how could he have not known? He just didn’t want to know, and when the upper echelon told him not to worry about it, he took that as the excuse he needed to turn a blind eye to it. He knew the large amount of money they were coming in with couldn’t have been clean - they were Mafia, after all - but Lancia never expected this. 

“Lancia!” someone called, and he realized he had fallen to his knees. “Hey, you okay, man?” Jin asked, skidding to a stop and immediately kneeling in front of him.

“How does it feel, Lancia, to finally know the truth that you desire?” Mukuro asked, driving each word in. Lancia gasped mid-sob, feeling his world crumble around him, everything that he had ever known and thought to be true. Mukuro’s tone might have softened, but Lancia didn’t notice as Touya pressed him against his chest, holding him. “I told you you wouldn’t like the truth.”

“Lancia,” Touya said urgently. “Lancia, breathe.” And Lancia tried, but he couldn’t. 

Mukuro sighed. “Sleep,” he said, and darkness tucked him under. 

xxx

Lancia didn’t know how he got back, only that when he woke up, he was in his room with dried tear-tracks on his face. He sat up with a sniffle, and Jin and Touya stirred in their seats. 

Jin was the first to blink awake. “Lancia?” He shook Touya upon seeing Lancia up. “Touya, Lancia’s awake!”

Touya lifted his head, and Lancia could tell it took him great effort to open a single eye. He blinked sleepily and closed his eyes again, before finally scrubbing his face with both his hands, messing his hair in the process. Finally, he seemed to register Jin’s words and the sight of Lancia sitting up. “You’re awake,” he said, a little confused and awed, like a little kid, and Lancia smiled just a little. 

“I’m awake,” Lancia confirmed, swinging his feet off the bed. “How long was I out for?”

“Two hours,” Jin answered, standing, and Lancia winced. He wandered off to the kitchen area. “How you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” Lancia said, and both Jin and Touya shot him with doubtful looks. “I feel better,” he amended, and they nodded their acceptance at that answer. 

“What happened?” Touya asked, straight to the point, and Lancia hesitated. Touya looked at him with piercing eyes, before finally saying, “He was in your head, wasn’t he?”

From the kitchen area, Jin hissed. In any other scenario, Lancia would have been amused that he sounded like an angry cat sprayed with water. Instead, Lancia let out a breath and nodded, eyes on the floor. 

Touya stood. “I’ll inform Vindicare’s lowest level guards,” he said. Lancia’s head shot up. “They’ll increase his medication and -”

“No!” Lancia exclaimed, and Touya stopped. “No, it was my fault. I just had a bad reaction because he told me something I didn’t want to hear. He didn’t mess with my head, he just talked to me, as I requested. He doesn’t deserve to be punished for that.”

“You can’t really know that, can you?” Jin said, walking back with a cup in hand, and Lancia shook his head. 

“He was in my head for five years. Trust me, I know.” Sleep, Lancia remembered Mukuro saying in his deepest moment of grief, and he knew even if he told them, they wouldn’t believe Mukuro tried to help him. “He told me my Family smuggled Possession Bullets, and I didn’t react well to that.”

Jin and Touya exchanged looks. 

“You knew?” Lancia asked, and then laughed. “Was I the only one who didn’t know?”

“It was in your Family’s file,” Jin said carefully. He passed him a cup of warm water, which Lancia took a sip of. 

“Violence is an intrinsic part of the Mafia,” Touya said. “Vendicare wouldn’t step in unless we think someone acted overboard and for that reason, we have files on pretty much all the Mafia families out there and their major players.” 

“I didn’t know,” Lancia said, staring at his cup. It was his reflection in the water, but did he really know him? 

“Hey,” Jin said softly, covering his hand. Lancia looked up. “You’ll be okay. This doesn’t change anything.”

“I should have known.” If he knew, would things have ended up differently?

“He never told you he was part of the former Estraneo Family until afterwards,” Touya said. “And just because he had a reason for annihilating your Family doesn’t make it right.” His voice softened. “Nor does it make what he did to you okay.”

“You’re not responsible for what he did, Lancia,” Jin added.

“I know you’re both right,” Lancia said. He lowered his head to his hands. “I know.”

It was just hard to accept, to believe.

Jin and Touya stood by him, as he shed tears one last time over the little brother that he once had.

xxx

Two weeks later, on Lancia’s way from his room to the cafeteria to meet up with Jin and Touya, a woman in a lab coat stepped into his path. She had tan skin, webbed ears, and a tail that matched the mint-green of her hair.

“Hello, you’re Lancia, aren’t you?” she said, extending her hand. “I’m Juri.”

Lancia took her hand, bemused. “Hello,” he said, “how can I help you?”

“I’m part of a team trying to gather information from Mukuro,” she said, and Lancia blinked. He did not expect that, but it did make sense. Mukuro had a lot of knowledge, some no doubt from people he possessed, some from his Six Paths of Reincarnation, and the rest by means only he knew. “Unfortunately, he’s not cooperating with us despite our many attempts, so we’re wondering if you’d like to help us.”

“What makes you think I can help you?” he asked. He had resolved to put his thoughts about Mukuro at rest. 

“I understand you spoke to Mukuro two weeks ago,” she said, tilting her head to the side. Her bangs fell just a little over her eye.

“Oh,” Lancia said blankly. His mind suddenly became really clear. “Can I ask how you know that?”

Touya and Jin promised him they wouldn’t tell anyone about Mukuro speaking to him. The rush of anger that rose in him nearly drowned out Juri’s answer.

“Visiting records isn't a secret,” she said, looking at him over her clipboard with shrewd eyes. “And every floor where we house prisoners have security cameras.”

“Oh,” Lancia said again, his anger leaving him in such a rush that it left him off-balanced for a moment. Of course Jin and Touya didn’t say anything. “Then you know I didn’t leave that day unscathed. I have no advantage over Mukuro.” Lancia took a step forward. “Excuse me.”

He didn’t want to keep Jin and Touya waiting.

As Lancia walked by her, Juri said, “He asked for you,” and he stopped. “Well, his brainwave showed interest when we mentioned you,” she amended. “It was more than what we could get out of him all week. He won’t talk to us, but maybe he’ll talk to you. He had already, once.”

Lancia turned back to her. “Mukuro can’t be controlled,” he said. “I won’t be able to get him to part with any information he’s not willing to part with, any more than you can.”

“Sure,” Juri agreed easily. “But it doesn’t hurt to try. Maybe Vendicare’s Mists can get through his defense while he talks to you.”

Lancia thought about Mukuro easily mind-controlling him for five years, and smiled mirthlessly. “I doubt it,” he said. Mukuro was the strongest Mist Lancia knew; he’d never seen anything of the like. 

Juri wrapped her arms around the clipboard and shrugged with a self-deprecating grin. “You’re probably right,” she said. “But like I said, it doesn’t hurt to try. You’re our last resort, so if even you can’t get anything out of him, we’ll just give up. We wouldn’t have bothered you unless we’re out of options; we knew Jin and Touya probably wouldn’t like it.”

“Jin and Touya?” Lancia said. He didn’t know if he should be annoyed or flattered that Juri and apparently her team took special consideration of Lancia because of them. 

Juri nodded. “Jin’s sweet and Touya’s a little scary, so no one really likes getting on their bad side. They’re also one of the earlier members of Vendicare, so they’re friendly with quite a lot of higher ups.”

One of the earlier members of Vendicare, she said, except Vendicare had existed as long as Lancia remembered and way longer than he was alive. “Just how old are they?” he murmured to himself. 

“Oh!” Juri covered her mouth guilty. “I thought they told you.”

“That they’re demons, yeah,” Lancia said, before it occurred to him maybe that was the crux of it. “How long are demon lifespans?”

Juri looked at him for a moment, before a smile slowly crossed her face. “I’ll tell you if you help me with Mukuro.”

Lancia looked back at her, before he also smiled. “I’ll ask Jin and Touya,” he said, walking away. 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Juri said, immediately jumping in front of him. “I was just kidding, jeez. Demon lifespans are definitely longer than humans’.” She tapped a finger against her chin, humming. “I think Touya and Jin just broke through triple digits a few years ago.”

Triple digit… They looked like they were in their twenties! It seemed like it was impossible to tell age with demons.

Lancia stared at Juri, who blinked back at him in bemusement. “How old are you?”

“Oh.” She covered her mouth with one hand and peered at him through her eyelashes demurely. “You can’t ask a lady that,” she said with a laugh, hitting his back a little harder than strictly necessary with every word. 

Lancia winced. “Sorry.” It did not occur to him at all that he shouldn’t have asked her. 

Juri grinned at him. “It’s okay,” she said, dancing backwards. Lancia recognized it was a retreat, but he didn’t realize why until she continued, “You owe me one. Remember to come down to the lowest level tomorrow at one!”

“Wait!” Lancia called out, but she chose the spot to ambush him well. She had a head start and quickly disappeared around the corner before he could do anything else.

Lancia sighed at the empty space where Juri used to be, and scratched his head. 

When he finally got to the cafeteria, he explained to Jin and Touya what happened.

After he finished speaking, Touya put down the fried chicken wing that he took a bite out of. “You don’t have to go if you’re not comfortable.”

Jin nodded his agreement behind his bowl of soup noodles. 

“I mean, it’s not like I’m not comfortable,” Lancia said, trying to sort out his feelings. “More like I don’t feel the need to go back?” He ripped a piece of naan and dipped it into his lamb stew. “I don’t think I can help as much as they think, either way.” 

“Juri won’t really get mad at you if you don’t,” Jin added, slurping up the last of his noodles. “That was probably her last ditch effort more than anything else.”

Lancia popped the piece of naan in his mouth and chewed, thinking. “It wouldn’t really hurt me to go,” he finally said. Or at least that was what he wanted to believe. The only way for him to actually prove it to himself was if he went. He looked at Jin, who upturned his bowl to drain his soup, and Touya, who was meticulously pulling every last bit of meat off his chicken wing. “If I go, will you both go with me?” 

Touya smiled and Jin grinned. “Of course.”

Lancia smiled back. “Alright,” he said, before another thought occurred to him. “Moreover, why did you tell me demons and humans are mostly the same?”

Jin looked confused. “They are...” 

 “Both of you are over a hundred years old,” Lancia stated, pointing at them with his naan. Fond exasperation welled in him when they still looked confused, before Touya abruptly brought his hand to his face. He narrowly missed transferring the grease from his fingers to his face. 

“Sorry, it slipped my mind,” Touya said, his face flushed. Lancia chuckled. “I assume Juri told you.”

“She approximated,” Lancia confirmed, taking another bite, “but she couldn’t tell me how old you guys really are.”

“We lost track of our birthdays when we were young, so we just chose one for ourselves and kept counting from there,” Touya said, wiping his hand on a wet towel. “We're both approximately 102.”

Lancia’s eyebrows raised. Just broke through triple digits a few years ago indeed. 

“How old are you, Lancia?” Jin asked, confused. It seemed like it really slipped Jin’s mind how fast humans age relative to demons. Lancia could already tell this was going to be fun.

“Twenty-five,” Lancia answered with an amused grin. 

Jin’s exclamation, like a startled cat fallen into a water fountain, shook the cafeteria. 

xxx

“Welcome!” Juri greeted them at the elevator when they arrived the next day. “I’m so glad you decided to come after all, Lancia.” She looked over next to him. “And hello Jin, Touya.” She didn't seem surprised to see them accompanying him.

Lancia nodded at her, trying to adjust to a world with images and sound again. He had worn the blindfold on his way down again and Touya had taken it off not long ago in the elevator. 

“Heya, Juri,” Jin said, as Touya said, “Juri.” 

“Come,” she said, gesturing at them and already walking down the hallway. They followed. “Since Mukuro was able to speak to Lancia from here last time, we figured we won’t fix what isn’t broken and just keep it the same again.”

She stopped them at the same spot Lancia stood two weeks ago, when he learned the truth behind Mukuro’s annihilation of his Family. “We have people down there” - she gestured to the lower level, where a group of scientists in white lab coats just like her and some Vendices dressed in their uniform stood. The Mists, Lancia surmised - “but don’t worry about them. They’re just there to monitor Mukuro’s condition.”

She showed Lancia her clipboard. “Here’s a list of questions we want you to ask Mukuro, if you get the chance.”

“Don’t bother,” Mukuro spoke into Lancia’s head. Despite anticipating it, Lancia still startled. “I won’t answer any of their questions.”

Juri glanced down to the lower level. “Oh, what’s happening?” she said, stepping closer to the glass wall to peer over. On the lower level, the group of scientists gathered around a monitor, excited. “Mukuro’s brainwave changed.”

“Do you take pleasure in startling me everytime?” Lancia asked, annoyed. 

Mukuro laughed. “Yes,” he said. His tone turned darker, more mocking. “Look at them, so excited over a little reaction. And the other Mists’ attempt to invade my mind - pathetic.”

“Is he speaking to you?” Touya asked Lancia. He nodded. “Let us know if you want to leave,” he said, squeezing Lancia’s hand. Lancia met Touya’s and Jin’s serious eyes and squeezed their hands back with a small smile. 

Then, he let go to face the glass wall and Mukuro’s body floating in his water prison. “Why react at all when Juri mentioned me then?” Lancia asked. In the reflection of the glass wall, he could see Juri trying to reach him, but Jin shook his head at her while Touya stood at his back like a physical barrier.

Lancia waited out the following silence, and he was rewarded when Mukuro said, “You weren’t going to come back.” It almost sounded accusing, if only he didn’t also sound resigned. He already knew the answer. 

Lancia confirmed it anyway. “No, I wasn’t.”

In front of Mukuro’s water prison, the scientists made another excited gesture over another monitor. Heart monitor?

“They’re annoying,” Mukuro said, grumbled, really. Lancia thought he was just annoyed because the heart monitor gave him away. “Shut up.”

There was more pressure in his head and then Lancia’s jaw snapped shut on their own accord, yet he wasn’t afraid. He knew Mukuro wouldn’t really do anything.

“Don’t have too much faith,” Mukuro said, a little darkly. “Don’t forget who I am, what I am.”

“If you could have really controlled me, you would have last time,” Lancia said. He could feel every slow beat of his heart. “The fact that we need to be this close for us to speak mentally also tells me the medication in the water severely limits your power.”

There was another moment of silence, before Mukuro chuckled. “You’ll be fine on your own,” he said. 

I’m not on my own, Lancia wanted to say, but then the southern wall of the lowest level collapsed. 

Lancia jumped back, grabbing Touya and Jin with him, as the glass wall in front of him cracked from the force of the collapse on the lower level. It thankfully didn’t shatter. The glass in Vendicare was reinforced, probably bulletproof.   

“Shit, are you okay?!” Jin exclaimed.

Before any of them could reply, water and glass burst out from Mukuro’s water prison. It knocked down and swept away the scientists and the Vendices who stood right in front of it. 

Lancia’s heart went to his throat as, through the spiderweb cracks of the glass wall, he watched Mukuro’s body fall from the sudden change in pressure. A pair of arms caught him before he hit the floor. Lancia followed the arm back to a man with short black hair, who ripped the tubes and chains off Mukuro like they were nothing, and then heaved Mukuro’s body onto his shoulder. 

Then, he stopped, and there was a moment of stiff, robotic stillness that Lancia would have recognized anywhere. 

“Mukuro!” Lancia shouted, running forward. He slammed his fist against the glass wall, just as the man raised his head and looked straight at them. The glass wall shattered and through the falling pieces of glass, Lancia could see the man’s brown eyes - one of which red was receding from - widened.

Behind him, Jin gasped in recognition, as Touya hissed, “Yusuke!”

“Goodbye, Lancia,” Mukuro said, and then the man - Yusuke - stepped through a slit that appeared in the air. When it closed again, they were both gone. 

~

Part of the YYH/KHR crossover Stranger with a Gun

#katekyo hitman reborn #Yu Yu Hakusho #Lancia #Jin #Touya #Juri #fanfic #khr #yyh #ao3 #ffn #my writing #part of Stranger with a Gun #but kinda works as a standalone #mukuro rokudo

[oursexualexperiencesarewith-blog]

Harmful Speech, Censorship, and Social Media

Episode 3 of Hot Girls Wanted: Turned On talks about empowering girls through the porn industry. Bailey wants to help guide girls through the industry and their bodies. She briefly mentions how Sex Education is rarely ever taught for more than 2 days in most schools. When it is taught it is rarely ever taken seriously.

I think it’s safe to say that we have all been victims of bullying and harassment of some kind. Whether that be at school, in the household, or being catcalled on the streets. We have all been through it at one time or another. However, since the introduction of technology along with social media, bullying and harassment have been a common thing that comes with using it. It can control the way we use social media, what we post, what we say, and so much more. The damage behind an anonymous person’s words or actions can have lasting effects of people, but more commonly teens and young adults. 

Dana Boyd’s “It’s Complicated” explores the ideas of how social media can be used as an asset and weapon for bullies to use against their victims. For example she recounts a time when she interviewed a girl named Abigail about bullying. “Abigail recounted stories of her sister getting in trouble at school and how Ashley would threaten to put embarrassing information on Facebook to humiliate Abigail in front of her friends.” (Boyd, p.129)

The episode “Don’t Stop Filming” from Hot Girls Wanted: Turned On (Season 1) reminded me of another Netflix Original called Audrie & Daisy. On Netflix the film is described as, “Two teenage girls experience brutal attacks. But in the age of social media, their nightmares are only beginning.” So, in a time when all that matters to young teens is looking cool to others, how can something made to bring people together be the thing that tears them apart?

In an interview with NPR, Kelly McEvers talks with the co-directors of the documentary about how social media was just as guilty as the boys who sexually assaulted the girls. “I mean the girls have all said to us in various different ways that yes, of course the sexual assault was horrible and traumatic, and it's going to take them a long time to heal from it. But the worst part of what happened to them was the social media shaming and bullying that went on online afterwards. The aftermath seemed to completely outdo the sexual assault itself and the psychology of the girls.” says Bonnie Cohen. https://www.npr.org/2016/09/23/495226477/audrie-daisy-explores-social-media-shaming-after-sexual-assaults

Your pre-teen/young adult years are an exciting time for most people. It’s a time when you are given more freedom and trust, you are pushing boundaries, and on top of it all you are trying to figure out who you will be as you get older. Your image is everything to you, and you’ll most likely believe anything anyone tells you even if it’s not true. 

Spoiler alert for anyone planning on watching the film after reading this blog post. The film is based around two girls who didn’t know eachother, but their sexual assaults were eerily similar. They both attempted suicide, and unfortunately one of the girls attempts was successful. The documentary not only follows the prosecution of the boys who committed the assault, but one of the girls journey to finding healing while on a mission to help other survivors. Why didn’t Facebook immediately take the photo down? The photos of Audrie and Daisy had been up for hours being shared hundreds of times. These are underage girls which is illegal. 

Laws about what we can and cannot post have become a bit tighter, but not anywhere close to how restricted China has become. This is discussed in the Berkman Klein Center article on Online Harmful Speech. “Today, pressure on major internet platforms to remove content is sharply rising. During the same week as the event, lawmakers in Germany approved a bill aimed at forcing major internet companies to banish “evidently illegal” content.” (Talbot & Fossett)

Facebook censorship and algorithms are far from being fair and just. The Berkman Klein Center article discusses how Facebook’s way of deciding what is problematic and what is not is a bit controversial. Certain words are protected and others are not, and certain rules can be bent. So many racist and racially insensitive posts are clearly inappropriate, but Facebook rarely ever steps in to remove the posts. They just slap a warning sign over the post that any user can still view what’s under after reading the warning. 

However, the new censorship policies imposed by Instagram have received some backlash from medical professionals and parents from all over. Instagram implemented these stricter community guidelines in hope to reduce the amount of nudity and inappropriate content to make the app safer for younger users. There is an Instagram account called Empowered Birth Project that has been on Instagram for years. Katie who runs the app is a nurse who posts all things pregnancy, birth, motherhood, post-partum, and everything in between. Katie’s (@empoweredbirthproject) Instagram has always been an educational one, but it never strayed away from the nudity and gore that comes along with childbirth, pregnancy, and breastfeeding. 

As soon as Instagram’s censorship policies got tighter Katie started a petition to stop censoring something that’s not only educational, but natural. More and more women, mothers, daughters, and medical professionals joined her in the fight against the censorship and eventually won. However, you may still see Instagram’s warning on the post before you see the photo. In the end they aren’t having their photos deleted for “going against Instagrams policy.” 

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/facebook-instagram-censoring-motherhood_n_5578300

https://nurse.org/articles/nurse-changes-social-media-nudity-policy/

In my opinion, I see how Instagram and Facebook were trying to do good by censoring it all. They just needed to realize that not all nudity is bad. We need to realize that not everything needs to be sexualized. That some of this is for educational purposes, but I think we can all agree that Sex Ed is to blame for that.

[tedfashionski]

Finking, Finking.

Hi, welcome to my ted talk. (That is the only time I will ever make that joke. This is Fashionski Finks. Expect radically low standards of self-involved rantiness with zero research or accountability from here on out). For a while there I seriously thought that the covid-19 quarantine was going to result in people being increasingly placid and accepting of creeping extensions of the police state. But here I am, getting depressed again, not about the protests, which I love, but more about my relationship to in-group pressure dynamics. One of the problems with being a relentless contrarian is the discomfort of my impulse to rebel against groups even when they’re championing the right thing. I have to find my own way to fight against the system as an outsider. No gods, no masters, no fucking peer pressure.  I’ll never be happy joining a chorus line. I don’t sign fucking petitions (they’re just lists for the NSA). I do donate, but like fuck will I do it performatively. I can’t go to protests cus I get panic attacky in crowds. I empathise pretty strongly with outsiders of all stripes but believe ridiculously excessively in the public good of criticism, and have a nostalgic love of trolling (I like to think I’m gentle with it though). Bring back the troll! We need that fucker, he’s a sign of a healthy internet. I’m writing this blog thing as an extension of my need to vent my extreme negativity. TBH I never expected to get any followers with ted twitter and the bizarre welcomingness of the hf twitter community totally wrongfooted me. I’m not nice. Ted isn’t meant to likable. He’s my dark side. I was meant to be using this alt as a way to terrorise the nice nice (secretly cruel) fashion people. I’m gunna try and up that aspect more. Just bear in mind, my complaints are largely about the system, but if I see you perpetuating fashion’s entrenched anti-intellectualism or its insidery bullshit, I’ll come for you with a little meta-bomb with your name on it. Maintaining my misanthropic tone does take work tho, like, deep down in some twisted part of my psyche, I guess I do actually want to be liked. It’s fucked up.

I suppose it’s only fair to explain this Ted fursona. Like, new concept, who dis? Why all the furry porn? …..because I just think it’s hilarious. Every time I think about the furries I cackle (not at them, mind). I just love the mad corruption of pure Disney aesthetics into hardcore pornography. That’s anti-authoritarian as fuck. I love the sincerity of their culture. The way the crazy fetish aspect means they’ll never be fully blandified by mainstream acceptance. The way it’s so cringe but so delightful. And more seriously, I’m interested in how a culture of mostly gay male nerds developed to the point where they’ll invest 10k in custom fursuits and support eachother’s independent businesses in ways that the fashion community completely fails to do. The fashion world sucks. There’s so many correlations there that I want to investigate: the newness (furries date from around the 70s, fashion culture in its self-aware state dates from the late 19th C – both very young fields); the centralisation/decentralisation; the hierarchy (furries can be pretty catty, I have discovered in my research, and we all know what fashion people are like); the adoption of new identities; the cis-boy gayness aspect (I’m increasingly tired of the extreme nasty hierarchy of certain CSM queens. It’s all very UGH. Just, fuck those particular bitches.) There’s more to the furry love, but I’ll explore it in future posts.

More importantly, why Ted fucking Kaczynski? I’m not like, actually a terrorist. (….yet. tehehe. NO, seriously I like non-maiming violence. Fuck yeah to property damage. Fuck yeah to disabling the system in extreme way. But no to wooden IEDs. Think of my shitty jokes that fail to land as my hand-crafted bombs). I think I like the shitness of Ted. He was just an epic fail of a terrorist. I’m a little white girl living in London. I’m not actually a primitivist, as much as I crave a hut in the woods. I did go to an elite school though. I had some really shitty experiences in the fashion industry in my early 20s, and I watch my friends who are relatively successful in that system and I get so angry on their behalf at their poor treatment. They think I’m too angry. Fuck that. They should be more angry, and the fact that they can’t be angry at their extreme precarity and the fact they’re still insecure and terrified of being ejected by the system after all their investment and skills they’ve built up is BULLSHIT. I’ll be double angry for them, I’m not invested in that system. I don’t need it to pay my rent. I’m free, motherfuckers, and I’m coming for the abusers and exploiters. If you’re a complacent industry figure not fighting hard from within, uggghhhhh fuck you. Yes, YOU. Soooo, I relate pretty hard to the MK ultra stuff. (go look him up, he was basically tortured and experimented upon by the elite). But there’s a pretty big chasm between my views and his, and I’ll try to be clear about the extent of my interest in his extreme beliefs. I haven’t even finished reading the manifesto. Basically, I watched that shitty show on Netflix with sam worthington around the same time I watched Joker (that movie fucked me up) and thought it’d be a good outlet to larp online as a terrorist. There’s the angry white alt-right school shooter aspect, which I’m still figuring out, cus I’m non-binary and I was raised by nutso trumpy right-wingers, who I barely speak to anymore, and I struggle to get along with people generally. There’s sad, self-pitying rage here. I empathise with the angry white dudes too much. I feel guilty about it. That’s good ground for artmaking (yes, shamefully, this…is…art. Sorry). I modelled this fursona a little after my brother, who I spent years living with and arguing with and trying to lift out of his scary racist youtube rabbit holes. This is actually quite an emotional thing for me, cus I did the ‘talk to your fascist family’ thing. And I completely failed. I realised his right-winginess wasn’t lessening, I wasn’t gaining ground, and in fact my excessive empathy and desire to reach out to the relative most similar to me in character meant his extremism was rubbing off on me. Making me more resentful and depressed. Feeling powerless. I was being too kind-hearted and forgiving of his masculine impotence. So I’m exploring some personal shit here. But Ted is also a cute lil fuzzball teddy bear. He means well, but me being super autistic and faily at social skills means he’s kind of a dick, cus I am. I’m going to try and further develop this character, this POV, and this post is the only time I’ll explain the divide between him and his creator (moi). The ‘I’ on the twitter and here is Ted Fashionski, I need that space between me and him. Masks give us this freedom to be more ourselves. Internet culture has lost a lot of its wild brutal anonymity in the last decade or so, now everyone’s afraid of making mistakes. How the hell do you grow if you’re not allowed to fuck up? This is a vital outlet. He’s become an important part of my life and I have to say, I love being Ted Fashionski. He’s like Paddington Bear who just escaped form Guantanamo or something.

I get pretty fatigued as a matter of course. I’m a long-term depressive since childhood. I have a difficult time keeping my hard-on for living. I don’t get suicidal really but I do struggle with extreme fatigue. I sleep a lot. I often fall into spirals of self-hate. And as someone who utterly believes in revolutionary leftist politics, I beat myself up about not doing enough. I’m so middle class and english and white. I was raised in such a chauvinistic and complacent culture; I don’t even know where to start. I’m wading my way through post-colonial literature and beating myself up for finding it boring and uncomfortable. It’s hard to force yourself to acknowledge your culture is The Bad Guys. It’s easier to fall into fanstasies of supremacy and butthurt misunderstoodness. And it’s not like my depressive brain needs any encouragement to hate me. My trajectory is ever leftwards, but I remember the righteous fury of being right-wing. I get it, that was me. We need more paths back from fascism, more comprehension of why people are that kind of shitty. I talk less, and less well, the more depressed I am. If I’m talking, it means im feeling a lot better. Just, fyi.

Give me a minute to be critical here. With the George Floyd protests, a lot of the cool guys on fashion twitter has gone blazingly hardcore on the political side. But there’s this troubling rhetoric about ‘no return to normal content’ or ‘this isn’t the time for fashion’. Like fuck it isn’t. This is a key problem with fashion culture right here, we have this received perception of fashion as empty escapism. Escapism matters in fashion, yes. But seriously, talking about the surfaces of things does not equal not caring about deeper meaning. What the fuck. Clothes are a connective tissue, a membrane between us. They’re emotional and powerful. We can talk about things that matter THROUGH clothes. I speak fashion, pretty fucking well. Most people who work at fashion magazines are morons with no understanding or respect for their subject. They’re incapable of doing it justice, and that’s deliberate. On this tumblr you’ll see rants and reviews of fashion and other artforms, always interpreting through a fashion lens. cus it matters, cus it’s a vital part of the culture, cus just because something has a glittery, seductive surface doesn’t mean it doesn’t communicate or contain depth. There’s no going back to ‘normal fashion content’, yes. Normal fashion content is a fucking psyop to divert legitimate interest in aesthetics amongst largely non-academic dyslexic visual types away from careful thought/feeling and towards empty consumerist commericiality. The traditional fashion media wants you to express yourself and your interest in the zeitgeist through buying more shit. Another fashion world is possible. Let’s destroy the old and build a new one, one where surface and spirit are connected and true and fashion can’t be abused in service of evil industrial monopolists.

/end rant. TLDR: angry fictional teddy bear with tin-foil hat and an eco-anarchist fetish says no to stupid fashion and yes to the renewal of conceptual fashion. Also, Fuck White People.

[ask-art-student-prussia]

The R.R. Phenomena; A Summary and Addition - By Leon Rekjavik

Hello again, ladies, gents. 

Epic-essay writer Leon Rekjavik is here again! Today, I just felt like posting more analysis on R.R.’s posts, because, they’ve quite clearly changed since the last time I wrote an analysis on R.R. 

For those who have literally no idea who I am, a couple weeks ago, I wrote a long essay where I talked about R.R. in general, as a person, everything, and submitted it to the awesome ask-art-student-prussia blog here, because R.R. is only present here, seemingly. This was back when everyone kept doing those jokes on R.R.

Why do I even write this stuff about some random person who anonymously posts asks on this blog? I don’t know actually, I just feel like I NEED TO, for some reason. To serve some justice to this sweet, person…?

Anywho, now onto the analysis!

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Initially when R.R. came to this blog, they were merely someone who posted these asks to this blog talking about how much they admired the work Mun uploaded onto this blog, but at the same time, talked about themselves in a self-deprecating manner. 

Now, when I say “merely”, I don’t actually mean “merely”. When R.R. writes, it’s not just a random ask, they standout with the the things they submit. A lot of time and effort is put into each ask they put through, and they clearly care a lot for Mun as a person, as an artist, etc. There’s a poetic drive of admiration when they send something, yet they always seem to constantly try to remind everyone, that no, don’t see me- see Mun! See how beautiful their art is.

No one knows who R.R. is, which is a shame, but, I think it’s understandable. At this point in time, where a single R.R. post receives 35 notes on Tumblr, anyone who’d claim they are R.R. (even the real one) would immediately be shot down as a fake. Such a case were very prominent some weeks back, when a trashy meme started circling around the blog.

Other than R.R.’s writing prowess, there’s also the mystery of their identity, and that’s what the real interest is with R.R. Who are they? As mentioned in the previous analysis, R.R. loves this blog, clearly a lot, but wants to remain hidden due to their insecurities, however, at the same time, they want some way to be recognised. This is where the signature end to each R.R. post comes, “-R.R.”. This is their trademark, their way of showing the world, yes, I am R.R. and this is the post I send to you, Mun showing my love! In a purely platonic way, of course, or at least assume.

Unfortunately, being the Internet, the trashy-meme became very popular, with people claiming they were R.R., when they clearly weren’t. This wasn’t just a one-off incident. This lasted for several days, and even resulted with R.R. actually writing a post, where they said that they felt that their presence had caused Mun trouble. Now, remember, R.R. loves Mun, this blog, and everything with it. All this attention that had enshrouded R.R. wasn’t why R.R. even began putting posts out with their insignia. They didn’t want attention.They wanted to show their love to Mun and her art. Though, this had an entirely backfiring effect. Now Mun's blog was all about them. 

So, R.R. decided to take LEAVE from the blog.

And tragically, this transpired literally right after the submitted an analysis that was made for people to understand R.R. better as a person and to back them up (nobody understands the crippling deprussian I went through, because of that. However, all this information is dumb and irrelevant, because no one cares about me lololol). 

R.R. decided to take leave from this blog, because they felt that their love DAMAGED this blog and what it was made and known for to begin with. With this, the silence period began. No posts from R.R., not a sound. People began apologising profusely, some people even coming out from anonymity and saying they were sorry. The blog went back to how it originally was- an art-student Prussia blog. However, a lonely ache remained with those who knew about R.R. 

This is a direct copy and past of what R.R. wrote in terms of leaving the blog, in two separate posts:

“I’m very sorry Gil, but this is the last ask I’ll submit. I’m afraid my presence has caused disruption to your blog. Those previous asks from yesterday were not mine. I won’t submit anymore asks after this one with my initials to avoid anymore trouble for you. For those saying I’m doing this for attention, I will probably never reveal my true identity out of fear. So you’ll never know who I am. Farewell, Gil. It was lovely sending asks those few times. I hope you’re successful with your blog.”

“-R.R. (I ran out of characters)”

You see, everyone who posts stuff on this blog either does an M/A! ask, or a question to Prussia or even Mun directly, or just saying stuff, and I quote, “I love this blog. Please have my babies.” No one, and I mean, no one, wrote the way R.R. did. They were special, people loved their pureness, and they missed it. 

And then, it happened. R.R. RETURNED, and they returned in a manner worth bragging about, for centuries to come (I am not exaggerating). 

“Perhaps one day, when time is nothing but the movement of leaves, and the sun’s died, there will be a moment of solace where everything is just everything, and nothing is just something. The next moment in ‘time’, they will not exist, but with lives so fleeting, even a moment is extensive enough. Their last words will be "thank you”, before they’re suffocated by heat and dust. Humanity’s falling grace would have echoes permeating light years away. -The one who left this blog, R.R.“

They came back, with POETRY. And it wasn’t just any poetry- it was MAJESTIC poetry, as you can see above. This piece got 31 notes- it is rare for an anonymous post with no picture underneath, no nothing from Mun, purely the anon, to get that many notes. 

As if that’s not enough, R.R. returned, YET AGAIN!: 

"Fatherland, o’ dear noble creature of war. From the moment of your creation, you struck the soil with the sword of your soul, sending tremors leagues away, notifying every breathing being of your presence. Your tenacious nature and valiant efforts bleed through history’s timeline, embedding itself over the course of countless lives. We shan’t forget your existence, for none would be here now without your cause for our effect. You will return to us again, one day, in solidarity. -R.R.”

Can I say I fanboyed/fangirled when I was this, as unprofessional as it is? 

(and this is where leon rekjavik gives up on professionalism completely)

LOOK AT THIS FINE ART, MY FRIENDS. THAT IS LIFE IN IT’S PUREST AND R.R. IS GODLY POET. CAN WE JUST LOVE THIS HUMAN BEING, LIKE A LOT. YES, THIS IS THE ONE THAT 35 NOTES HOLY ****!

I honestly don’t care what gender, sexuality, species, ANYTHING you are {(unless you are secretly evil like that anon said; 

“…-Anyways, from the very few asks they’ve posted, they seem cute, whether they’re boy or girl. And cute people don’t fake stuff unless they’re secretly evil (omg R.R. please be a pureroll).”}

I LOVE YOUR WORK!

(and this is where leon rekjavik gains their sanity again)

Excuse me for that.

Of course, the R.R. hype sort of came back, with people all but screaming in the ask-boxes about R.R.’s comeback, poetry prowess, just everything R.R. There were some sceptics, but that’s just the general Internet. Everything was back in the flow. Then, some people began to ask… questions. Like, what’s R.R.’s sexuality, what do you think R.R. looks like? I think R.R. is a boy/girl! No, they’re not a boy/girl, come fight me.

And then, R.R. replied, in the most sweetest, most serene way humanly possible:

“To those who wish to know my face, look away from hither, for you shall not find the answers you seek for. Whether I find myself interested in boys or girls is nothing special. For now, why not enjoy the sweet summer that rains down from the sky, for it only lasts a few months before it’s a memory again. Leave your homes and walk bare-foot on the grass, feel the wind on your face, hear the nature around you. We don’t know if we’ll have a future where such luxuries exist. -R.R.”

They have talent, and I don’t care what anyone says. Fight me. 

This new era of R.R. is obviously a way of R.R. showing their love to this blog, by submitting a form of art, poetry! And Lord, does it compliment the blog so well with the was they weave the words…

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I wanted to write more, but I can’t…

Anyways, that’s a summary/analysis/explanation thing for R.R., for now, from Leon Rekjavik!

I was thinking of actually making a master-post for the R.R. asks, if Mun would be okay with that. I’m just another visitor to this blog, who likes your work a lot, but I couldn’t help but notice the amount of times someone posted an ask asking who is R.R. It may help clear some things up, and just help the people catch up with the entire R.R. phenomena.

I don’t know why I do these, even now… mysteries are just so fun to look through I guess?

I’m sorry if this wasn’t written as nicely as the other one I did. This is a link to the previous one if anyone is interested, it explains everything R.R. to the point, like it’s a must read:

https://ask-art-student-prussia.tumblr.com/post/162708791482/the-case-of-rr-an-analysis-by-leon-rekjavik

I’m not doing this in any form of promotion or attention. If you look at my Tumblr, I literally have nothing in my posts. It’s because I just like looking for cool blogs like Mun's here, and don’t feel like posting anything I do personally. 

I just want R.R. to be understood a bit better, that’s it. Also, I have a little too much spare time on my hands… (at the moment. Just wait for college to start).

I hoped you liked it.

Bye.

-Leon Rekjavik (it’s still not my real name, try finding me, stalker!)

P.S

Mun, please accept my humble submission! Don’t throw it in the reject pile!

how the fuck did you write all this what the hell oh m y hofdod?

#submission