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furiousgoldfish · 3 months

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Living with abusive parents made me feel like I need to be productive every day, every moment, and that's the only way I can survive. If I stopped being productive, then I was not worthy of life anymore. It made me into this hyper-stressed individual who would feel bad just from not producing anything within few hours; I'd feel guilty, ashamed and not good enough if a whole day went by without me accomplishing anything.

This lead to me burning out from everything I was trying to achieve, it exhausted me, it brought me endless days of experiencing guilt and shame from being too tired and too stressed and anxious to make or do anything. It made me sick, and ashamed of being sick. It made me compare myself to everyone who accomplished more than me, feeling small and unable to compete. It made me dismiss everything I have done as 'not good enough' because it didn't bring me that feeling that I was now someone, that I had done something important, something I could be proud of. I was proud of nothing. Nothing was notable, nothing was exceptional.

I never stopped to ask myself, for what reasons was I doing this? It was assumed that of course, this constant 'doing something' would bring me somewhere, only I didn't know where, I didn't have a goal. I just knew I needed to keep working, keep producing, or else I would be bad. What was I working for? Who was benefiting from this? I didn't even know.

I was blindly following the path that eroded my mental health, my well-being, my sense of self-value and my time and energy. I was scrambling for seconds of feeling good about myself which should have been mine from the start. I should have been able to feel good while doing nothing, while resting, relaxing, enjoying, taking it slow, caring for my own health, my well being and my emotional stability. There was absolutely no reason in that high-stress environment for me to be producing anything! I just needed to survive, but the pressure put on me to be 'useful' and 'productive' was so huge, I couldn't even see anything else past it. I couldn't comprehend that I was allowed to feel good even if I did nothing, even if I was just focusing on what made me feel better.

It would take me a long time to realize that working only had a point if you were working towards a specific goal, and if you were able to set the conditions of the work so that it doesn't destroy your health and emotional well being on the way. If working isn't bringing you closer to your goal, it means you're being exploited. Other people are profiting from your constant productivity while you're not even aware of why you're doing it. If working is destroying your current life, it's not sustainable enough to bring you towards a goal. No goal is worth destroying yourself over. You have to live in order to be there for when your goal is achieved.

And you can feel okay about yourself every minute that you're not working towards your goal. Taking breaks and letting yourself recover from work has to be a part of the normal, otherwise it's a burnout waiting to happen. The goal will not run away while you're resting. Nothing bad can happen just because you're taking care of yourself and taking it slow. It will give you more stability and make sure you can keep doing what you're doing.

#perfectionism #illusion of productivity #anti hustle culture #being exploited #being forced to feel bad about not working or being productive #productivity #trauma #toxic guilt #toxic shame

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sciderman · 30 days

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I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before #and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.”#and that made sense to me i think.#but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing.#and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much.#and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed #and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology.#i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now.#and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be??#i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe.#will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore??#maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know.#i don't know what it'll mean for me.#but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way #i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think #i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed.#because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people.#peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing.#there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing.#it's a product of all of his things.#just like me! just like everyone.#so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways.#a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be.#i don't think it's something that can be simplified.#sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags.#i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual.#sci speaks

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fayesdiary · 4 months

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reverse unpopular opinion for....aw heck, go ahead with Rhea for this one as well

This might as well be a part 2 to the previous Rhea ask so :D

I find Rhea to be so compelling for several reasons, one of the biggest being the inherent contradiction that she is very much capable of caring, loving and trusting others, sometimes with some insane gestures when you realize their meaning behind them (ie. Saving Jeralt's life by giving him her blood thus risking outing herself because of it, letting Catherine keep Thunderbrand despite the fact it's the one Relic she could safely recover- implicitly trusting her with one of her family's remains without any obligation to do so, risk angering a noble house to give Cyril a better life and treating him like her son in all but name)... And yet she cannot, for the life of her, bring herself to be honest with them.

Something fascinating I noticed about Rhea is that she ironically seems to prefer people who are blunt with her, because look at the people she's closest to - Seteth spends all of Part 1 openly questioning her, Flayn is constantly on the verge of accidentally outing herself, Cyril is so direct and honest he sometimes accidentally comes off as rude (Shamir too even if she's not as close to Rhea) and Catherine wears her heart on her sleeve.

Heck, all of them are either not that religious or outright non-believers, which ironically I believe helps reassure Rhea they love her because of who she is as a person and not because she's the archbishop, especially given how much she implies to find the position incredibly alienating.

And isn't that just so fascinating? That she is more than capable than loving others and caring for them risking her own personal safety, she appreciates people being honest with her.... But cannot, will not be entirely honest with them in turn.

Because make no mistake, that right there is Rhea's true fatal flaw: her compulsive need to keep everything a secret.

From the big but understandable stuff that would get her and her family scrapped for parts if it became public to downright pointless shit to hide like not liking hot drinks, and it's the one trait that screws her over the most, between being the reason Jeralt left (since she didn't tell him ANYTHING about what happened with Byleth so he assumed the worst and fled) and the thing preventing her from making connections as deep as she actually wants (like even just telling her loved ones how much they mean to her), as well as getting the support she actually needs. And because she feels she has to bear everything on her shoulders, she crumbles under the weight because no matter how hard she tries, she will never be good enough.

In that sense the role of archbishop is a sort of mask to her. It's definitely a part of her, but also something she has sort of burrowed into like a safety net preventing her from being true to herself. Because that'd mean making herself vulnerable, in more ways than one. To say nothing about putting her surviving family and remnants of her dead kin to jeopardy.

If she were to open up she'd be... More lively, I think. Definitely sillier if Heroes is any indication, and arguably more willing to take a direct approach in helping people. And definitely more loved and happier.

And perhaps, one day she'd realize she doesn't need to bring her mom back to fix Fódlan. She's not doing it alone anymore, after all.

#ask replies #loregoddess #fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe16 #fe16 spoilers #rhea #my rambles #is this coherent in any way? definitely not #i just love rhea as a deconstruction of the mikoto archetype #she wants to be like mikoto and lumera so bad but she can never measure up to them #and instead of seeking the help of others to compensate she tries to bring her goddess mom back #she's a foil to alear in that sense. i love them so much for different reasons #and i think they'd be great friends #like rhea's whole secrecy complex is definitely a product of her trauma #and i love it. i wanna put her in a test chamber and see how she functions #anyway again sorry for pretty much dumping words at random😅

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inkling0121 · 5 months

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"We need more angry women instead of soft victims of abuse" yall cant handle Lapis from Steven Universe

#genuinely never understood why people hated her #she was a product of her trauma #her lashing out was because of the trauma Home world and Jasper did to her #and despite her lashing out she healed and grew #she even went back to Home World to save her friends!#when a few seasons ago she ran away because the diamonds were coming to Earth #like yall... she was angry! and scared! and confused!#her trauma was so authentic #steven universe #abuse #tw abuse #abuse mentioned #ink talks

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doesephs · 3 months

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UGLY KYO SKETCH whole of third year inuni he bleached his hair and eyebrows and ends up looksing like a really tanned albino. also he has five teeth missing!!

#kyo is a product of cumulative trauma #kyo temida #kevin day #all for the game #aftg fanart #aftg oc #digital art #art

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scorchedhearth · 2 years

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i actually dont think jason would openly talk about the batarang scar like you see in fics because that's a sign of failure and you know he hides those. failure of his plan, he didn't get what he wanted and didn't plan well enough but also -mainly- failure of his relationship with bruce and he's really private, he wouldn't air that out in front of just anyone. i don't know about you but i wouldnt freely give details of how my father maimed me (and killed me) because his morals go above his personal feelings and relationships and i tried to push those. i don't even think the rest of the batfam knows what really happened at the end of UTRH and both bruce and jason like to keep it this way, secretive as they are

#sure jason could say what happened but right after hes still a bad guy and his words wouldn't be trusted #and later on hes trying to mend things with the fam so it would be counter productive to bring that out (in his own eyes.#imo thats the kind of things you nerd to talk and work through to go somewhere and not let it fester but anyway)#again a lot of this is my interpretation but i dont like how fandam make the fam to be so open. theyre all so secretive and paranoid #jason wouldnt be handing out free cards about his triggers and trauma. not any of them #dc #jason todd

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alphashley14 · 8 months

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… But for how long? 🥺

#I’m so sorry for any trauma this causes #I’ve had this sudden kiss idea for a while and when I decided the finished product needed dialogue…#my brain said LET THERE BE ANGST!#And ROMANCE #AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH #Rickidy #scooby doo mystery incorporated #sdmi #ricky owens #mr. e #cassidy williams #angel dynamite #scooby doo #fanart #my art #do not steal #tried something new with my art style #yay me

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yellowroseanddreamstorm · 3 months

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Derek and Angie icons based off the style used in Persona 3 Reload for the character icons seen for health stats.

Very happy with how both came out.

#trauma center manga #trauma center #trauma center under the knife #trauma center second opinion #derek stiles #angie thompson #aileen rose #yellow rose productions

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james-spooky · 1 month

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well i know what my top song of the year is gonna be

#mr bonzo #bonzo tmagp #bonzo bonzo bonzo #he’s so terrifying #tmagp 10 trauma #the sound production was great but i’m scared #tmagp alice #tmagp 10 #tmagp soundtrack

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herrmannhalsteadproduction · 3 days

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Fine is a Four-Letter Word (Chapter Three)

Summary: This is Part Twenty-Two of my series A Herrmann/Halstead Production. It is an AU where Christopher Herrmann's mom had an affair with Pat Halstead resulting in a baby. The series follows this OC character (Rebecca "Bex" Herrmann) as she grows up and gets to know her brothers and the various Chicago teams. It is very much an AU, just to underscore that. It doesn't follow the same timeline and characters will follow different paths.

Click here for the Series Rundown where you can find the links to read all of the previous installments (which I highly recommend you do so that this one makes sense.)

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Christopher Herrmann & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Original Female Character, Will Halstead & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Will Halstead, Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz/Original Female Character, Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes, Assorted OC Couples

Warnings: Injury Recovery, Trauma Recovery, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Protective Siblings, Family Feels, Team as Family, Road Trip, Kissing, Romance, Mild Sexual Content, Swearing, Eventual Happy Ending

Chapter One Chapter Two

Chapter Three

You have ONE new message.

“Hey, man, it’s Ed. Sorry for the early call, just wanted to check in. I know you had your hands full getting Bex settled back in at home last night and you couldn’t make it out to the meeting, but we haven’t had a chance to talk really since everything, well…since everything. I know it’s been rough and you’re focused on Bex—and rightfully so, I get it. I just—listen, don’t forget yourself in all of this. It’s a lot to be dealing with and me and Chuck and everybody, we’re here for you, okay, Mouse? If you need to talk or have a break or whatever…we’re here…Okay. That’s all I got. Talk to you soon, bud. Count on it.”

To delete this message, press SEVEN. To save it, press NINE.

Are you still there?

To delete this message, press SEVEN. To save it, press—

Message saved.

***

Mouse

“Let’s negotiate, shall we?”

Mouse could’ve almost bought Bex’s cocky offer if she wasn’t currently relying on the wall to keep herself upright. And the fact that she was turning an alarming shade of gray just from trying to walk to the elevator.

This was not going to end well.

Jay, like he’d heard Mouse’s thought and accepted it as a personal challenge, went on the offense as he shouldered past to get to Bex. “Negotiate? No, uh-uh,” he said, thrusting a hand out towards her. “Gimme your keys and we’re getting you back inside to rest.”

“Jay—”

“Quit arguing. You look like you’re about to pass out.”

“Will you please just listen to me for one second,” Bex yelled, pressing a hand to her forehead as she closed her eyes. She took a shaky breath before opening them again. “I can’t stay here knowing that Will’s having a hard time and that Emery is—that they’re waking her up soon.”

Jay sighed. “You going there won’t help—”

“Stop! I know! Okay? I know I can’t actually do anything for Will and that Connor has him covered, but Emery—” Bex’s eyes filled with tears and Mouse found himself moving before he had a chance to second guess himself.

He ducked around Jay and stepped into Bex’s space, slowly, giving her a chance to wave him off. Instead, she let out a soft noise and swayed toward him, dropping her forehead to his chest.

Mouse carefully brought his arms up around her and she mumbled something. “Say that again?” he asked quietly.

“I need to be there.” Bex turned her head so they could hear her and whatever her face was doing had Jay’s falling. “What if it was one of you? Wouldn’t you want to be there? So that when they woke up, they’d know that they’re safe?”

Jay met his eyes over Bex’s head and Mouse knew they were both thinking of the same moment.

Of Jay on a cot in a tent in the middle of nowhere and Mouse pushing through medics so he could be by his side. He would have fought through anyone to be there.

Knew in his bones Jay would have done the same.

Jay cursed softly under his breath, shoulders dropping as he dragged a hand over his face. They waited as he fought whatever internal battle he had to get through before he shook his head and shrugged. “None of us can go anywhere without shoes and actual clothes.” He made a ‘gimme’ gesture at Bex’s bag. “Keys.”

She handed it over wordlessly and he dug through until he found them, moving to open the front door. “We’re gonna get in so much shit for this,” he grumbled. “No, Kol, back up. You’re in trouble too, mister. Chris is gonna ground every single friggin’ one of us.”

Mouse and Bex followed him into the apartment as he kept muttering to himself, heading back toward the bathroom. “No one’s allowed to try and escape again while I’m in here,” he called out before closing the door.

“Bossy,” Mouse mouthed at Bex, hoping it would make her smile. She granted him a small one before it faded away into a frown.

“I’m being stupid, aren’t I?” Bex looked up at him with wide, wet eyes. “I’m sor—”

“Hey, no, don’t do that,” Mouse said as he pulled her into another gentle hug. “You’re not being stupid—you were right. I’d be doing the exact same thing if I was in your shoes. Or socks I should say.” She shook with a muffled laugh and he counted that as a win. “Yeah, maybe trying to sneak out was not one of your better plans, but I get it, Bex. I do.”

He let her go and tugged on one of the strings of his hoodie hanging over her shoulders. “This your special escapee outfit?”

“It’s cozy,” she sniffed at him, mouth twitching up at the corners. “And it matches my socks.”

“In that case, you should probably keep it.”

That got him a real, true Bex smile. “I don’t remember offering to give it back.”

“What is this?” Jay came hustling out of the bathroom, fully dressed finally. “Still no shoes? You just standing out here making heart eyes at each other?” He huffed as he hopped around pulling on his own shoes. “Kol, I thought you were supposed to be in charge?”

Kol popped up from where he’d been lounging on the couch and let out a little howl. Jay held up his hands in apology. “You’re right, I’m sorry,” he said. “It’s more than a one-dog job.”

“You’re so ridiculous,” Bex said, laughing a bit as she stepped away from Mouse. “I’m getting them—oh—” Her eyelids fluttered as she tilted dangerously to the side.

“Whoa!” Jay leapt into action beside him. They both steadied her from either side and carefully maneuvered her over to sit on the couch, Kol whining as he wiggled back to make room. “I was just joking,” Jay said softly as he crouched down in front of her. “There’s no rush. We’ve got plenty of time.”

“No, I’m good, I’m fine.” Bex listed again as she tried to get up. “We can go right now.”

“Let’s take a minute anyway,” Mouse said. At this rate, they’d be taking her to the hospital to be readmitted. “I think maybe we need to get some more food and fluids into you?”

Bex grimaced, sinking back into the couch. “I would really like to not yak today.”

Mouse sent Jay a look that he hoped said ‘I’m here to help and be supportive and do what I can, but also, I’m the boyfriend and I refuse to be bad cop so that’s all you, dude.’

And then Jay sent him a look that clearly said ‘Fuck you, dude, but fine, whatever.’

Excellent communication. Go team.

Jay got to his feet with a groan, crossing his arms as he stared Bex down. “You’re going to have something else to eat, then another rest, and then we’ll go.” He held up a finger before she could open her mouth. “I already checked in with Connor and Kira while I was getting dressed. Will’s getting patched up again, but he’s going to be absolutely fine. They said this kind of thing happens and they caught it early so no one is worried. And Kira said the doctors don’t expect Emery to start waking up properly for at least another few hours. At least.”

He lowered his hand, the stern lines in his face softening. “I’m saying we’ve got time for you to take care of yourself, Bex,” he said. “Take a few hours so you can handle a proper visit, okay?”

“…fine,” Bex sighed.

“Awesome, I’ll get some of that soup reheated,” Jay said before turning to Kol. “Keep her on the couch, bud.”

Kol barked once before snuggling into Bex’s side.

“Ha ha, you’re all hilarious.” Bex immediately started giving Kol pets, even as she rolled her eyes.

“Okay, Jay’s got soup,” Mouse said, pressing a kiss to Bex’s head before straightening up. “I’ll get drinks and maybe some more toast.” He was good at toast.

Jay punched his arm on the way to the kitchen.

“Ah, hey, what was that for?”

“You know exactly what that was for.”

Fair.

***

Bex

Bex had almost forgotten how much of a Mama Chicken Jay could be. Like, rivaling Chris levels. Once she got over being annoyed, she’d probably be impressed.

After the food and fluids and the intense efforts at not puking and then the pretending to be resting, it was late afternoon by the time they finally made it to Med. According to Connor, Will was still sleeping so they went to Emery’s floor first.

Kira came out as soon as she saw them in the hall, a wide smile on her face. “Bex,” she whispered as she wrapped her up in a hug. “You’re here!” The smile dropped as she pulled away, looking between her and Mouse and Jay. “Why are you here? You’re supposed to be resting. And healing. And not rambling around the hospital.”

She shot a pointed look at Mouse and Jay who both held their hands up.

“Listen,” Jay began and Bex stepped in.

“I made them bring me,” she said, reaching out to grab Kira’s hand. “I had to—I needed to be here.” Bex took a deep breath. “How’s she doing?”

“Really well,” Kira said, squeezing her hand back. “Her stats keep improving and she’s already opened her eyes a couple of times. Had a bit of water. She falls back asleep like, immediately, so you haven’t missed much, but…it’s good, Bex. She’s good.”

And oh—that—

That had Bex choking back a sob as she peered over Kira’s shoulder into the room. “That’s really—”

“Good?” Kira offered with an equally watery grin.

“Yeah,” Bex nodded. “Can I—is it okay if I sit with her?”

“Why are you even asking? Come on.” Kira ushered her inside and got her set up in the chair beside Emery’s bed before leaving the room. She moved to sit in the lounge with Mouse and Jay—close enough to be there if they were needed, but still giving her some privacy.

Bex shuffled forward a bit in her chair and reached out to take Emery’s hand. “Hey,” she whispered. “It’s me again. I know—I can’t get enough of this place, right?”

The monitors beeped quietly around them. Bex focused on the rise and fall of Emery’s chest and the soft hiss of air as she breathed under the mask.

There was a hint of colour coming back into her cheeks.

That was good.

All of this is good, Bex reminded herself. It means she’s still alive. She’s healing.

“I’ve been back at the apartment,” she said, watching Emery’s face for any kind of movement. “Chris wanted me to go home to their place, but, uh—I’m—I’m at our place and Jay and Mouse are staying with me. They made this really…sort of unidentifiable, but also kind of delicious soup.” Bex laughed quietly. “I should freeze some so you can try it.”

Emery’s fingers twitched in hers.

“Em?” Bex’s breath caught in her throat. “Hey, I’m here. It’s Bex. I’m right here. Open your eyes, Emery. It’s okay.”

A soft groan made its way through the mask as Emery slowly blinked her eyes to halfway open. “Be—”

“Yes, hi, it’s me. It’s Bex.” She struggled her way out of the chair, ignoring the ripples of pain in her side so she could lean over Emery and be in her line of sight. “I’m right here, Emery.”

Emery reached up, patting at Bex’s cast. “You’re…hurt,” she whispered.

“Only a little,” Bex said. The tears filling her eyes started to spill over as pure relief flowed through her. Emery was awake. She was talking. She was here.

“Bex.” Emery gripped her hand, cheeks wet with her own tears. “Bex. Sorr—”

“Don’t you dare,” Bex said fiercely, leaning in close. “Don’t you dare apologize to me, Emery Hughes or I will—I don’t know, but it’ll be drastic. This is not your fault. It’s his and we’re not giving him any space in here right now, okay? Because we are here. We made it. We’re alive and we’re going to be okay. That’s what matters. Do you hear me?”

Emery stared up at her, a whole battle clearly raging in her own head, but it wasn’t time for that. Not yet.

“We’re here,” Bex repeated, willing the words into Emery’s heart. “We’re alive. And we’re gonna be okay.”

“Okay,” Emery finally whispered.

“Exactly.” Bex smiled, moving back carefully to sit down again, but still close.

“Wait.” Emery frowned and Bex froze.

“What’s wrong? Should I get a nurse?”

“Mouse,” Emery said, somehow managing to raise an eyebrow through her still mostly out of it state. “…moved in?”

“That’s the part you heard?” Bex groaned out a laugh.

“Details.” Emery whispered.

“Yeah, yeah,” Bex said, squeezing Emery’s hand gently. “I’ll tell you the whole not-actually exciting story when you wake up.”

Because Bex would still be there.

She didn’t think she could leave until it really sunk in.

Emery was here. She was alive.

And she was going to be okay.

“Promise?” Emery mumbled, already mostly back asleep.

“Yeah, Em,” Bex said. “I promise.”

***

Jay

Jay sat beside Mouse in the lounge, keeping a clear view of Bex sitting with Emery in the ICU. He still wasn’t sure if bringing her here was the best idea. Bex looked like a light breeze could knock her over and Emery probably wasn’t even going to remember this visit.

But Bex would.

And if it helped her settle and let her focus more on her own recovery, then wasn’t that a good thing?

That was the argument he was going to offer Chris anyway when he inevitably found out about this and tore a strip off of him. In the very kind and yet gut-wrenching way that only Chris seemed to manage.

Mouse elbowed him suddenly and Jay looked up to see Dr. Abrams striding toward them.

Oh.

Crap.

“Gentlemen,” Dr. Abrams said, arms folded as he stared down at them in a way that almost had Jay shrinking back into his seat. “I’m only going to ask this question once. Why do I see Ms. Herrmann sitting in the ICU when she is supposed to be at home? Resting. Which was doctor’s orders, I believe.”

Jay shot a look at Mouse who was giving him that same ‘not it’ look from the living room which was even less helpful now than it was then.

“Okay, um,” Jay began. “I can explain…”

“Oh, good,” Chris said, popping up out of freaking nowhere with that very distinct look on his face that Jay had been picturing since Bex tried to make a break for it and it was exactly as awful as he thought it would be. “Because, I gotta say, Jay, I would also love to hear how this happened.”

“First of all,” Jay said, stalling, trying to figure out where to start, maybe panicking a little bit. “It’s also Mouse’s fault.”

“Dude.”

Click here to read Fine is a Four-Letter Word on ao3:

And here is the tag list (let me know if you wish to be added or removed):

@sorry-i-spaced, @thegirlwhowishedeveryonelived, @thewannabewriter, @lexhalstead3

@foxes-and-cats, @sensitivemallysix, @emme-looou, @thebejeweledwatercat, @lookingfortherainbow85

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