Tumgik
#this song with them specifically has been rotating in my brain since we first started to flesh out their character
lanternlightss · 1 year
Text
1985 by bo burnham is an nbd song for reasons that an animatic would explain grrhrjrkr
2 notes · View notes
lettersfromcats · 9 months
Text
july favorites list
hi kate <3
july is not entirely over yet but i think it's never too early for a favorites list and what a better way to introduce myself than through my recent favorite things? (if anything else comes up i will just add it). i was thinking of coming up with little categories but that didn't work that well so i will just list them. here they are:
sims 4 family gameplay/legacy gameplay
i have been playing a lot of sims 4 lately and what i have been specifically enjoying is playing a generations and family gameplay or legacy gameplay. it's been fun seeing how far a family come when you started in willow creek in a starter home and now generation 3 lives in a mansion in del sol valley. it's also fun to see the worlds populate with your extended family and friends. it makes the game feel a lot more real.
speak now taylor's version
i am not special nor original, if there's a new taylor swift release i ought to be obsessed with it! especially the vault songs got me on this one. i can see you has been on repeat with the occassional interruption for electric touch or when emma falls in love.
barbie movie
everytime i hear someone say barbenheimer i get brain damage but that does not mean i was not incredibly excited for both of these movies, especially barbie though. i found out greta gerwig was to direct a live action barbie in 2021 and have been waiting excitedly ever since then. the fact that it's finally here now is so exciting. it was exactly what i hoped for. futhermore the barbie soundtrack! it's so good and it's also everywhere at the moment. i must admit that a lot of the songs are forgetable but the stand outs certainly stand out. songs like dua lipa's dance the night away or charli xcx's speed drive have not left my brain since i first heard them.
pretty little liars
i have been rewatching pretty little liars with my boyfriend as he has never seen it before. pretty little liars is one of my favorite teen dramas ever since 2013 when i discovered they had turned the books into a show. since then it has been in constant rotation for me. there hasn't really been a point where i was not rewatching it. however i haven't watched it this consistently for a while, so i am enjoying that very much. we saw the dollhouse episodes just recently and that is just peak tv.
lilsimsie
this really goes back to my first point. the reason i have been enjoying the sims so much again is because i have been watching lilsimsie's streams and videos again. especially her generations let's plays has been enjoyable for me. i can't wait to finish it and watch the university sequel.
sims 4 mini goats
Tumblr media
i won't elaborate.
shelf app
this was gonna be more of a "things i am looking forward to" section, but while i started working on this post the app got released! shelf app is like a digital shelf that can store all your stuff! it seems really fun so i can only recommend it. so far it's only released for ios but i am sure it will be out for android soon.
1 note · View note
fatefulfaerie · 4 years
Text
Written In The Stars Part 2/7
Part 1 here
Created alongside the towers and the divine beasts, historians believe that mechanized drones were meant to defend the legendary hero and princess from smaller forces so they may focus solely on vanquishing Calamity Ganon. Appropriately named "Guardians", recent discoveries in scientific research of ancient technology has shed new light on those drones once thought myth.
The Guardians base, named the abdomen*
Zelda's eyes scrolled down to the bottom of the page
*Terms to reference the schematics of a Guardian are based upon its resemblance to an arachnid. Although Guardians are built like hexapods with only six protrusions that resemble legs, the movement and anatomy is closest to that of an arachnid.
Her gaze quickly returned to the prior sentence.
…is where the six legs protrude out from. Atop the abdomen is the thorax, which can rotate independently both counterclockwise and clockwise much like the head above it.
This chapter in particular will go in depth into the specific schematics of Guardians, in particular the functionality of what is referred to as its targeting eye—
"I was wondering where you ran off too."
Zelda looked up from her book.
"Link."
He was walking with his gallant stride towards her, with footsteps of his white, heeled boots that should have alerted her to his presence sooner. She was slightly surprised he had found her here, the gazebo near the southwest corner of the castle grounds, yet she remembered she had been here with him and the other champions before.
Link stopped a few feet in front of where she sat.
"It's dangerous to go alone," Link said, looking out at the starry night of Hyrule and adding, "especially at night."
He returned his piercing, moonlit gaze to his charge.
"Then again I shouldn't be surprised you hate me that much."
"I don't hate you."
Link's expressions were normally unreadable, but Zelda had gotten into the practice of studying them like any other science. She seemed to be getting better at ascertaining any thought of his because she could tell he didn't believe her, the tip of his head, the impatience in his eyes.
"Link, I was avoiding that Sheikah bard, not you," Zelda insisted. "He kept finding me so I came out here to read. I promise I don't hate you. I found an opportunity to slip out without anyone noticing and I took it. If I went to find you, I would have lost it."
Link breathed a sigh and started to pace closer.
"Luckily only I noticed your absence," Link sat as he sat next to her, "it being my job and everything."
Link noticed a beige card sitting between them as Zelda went back to reading her book.
He knew what was, the string around the hole in the corner meant to adorn a lady's wrist. The folded piece of paper contained a list of the planned songs and dance types for the ball, with a blank space next to each for men to claim a dance by writing their name.
"Pretty empty dance card for the Princess of Hyrule," Link stated. There were only two names, the King of Hyrule that was her father and the Sheikah bard whom she loathed.
"They function better as bookmarks," Zelda said.
Link chuckled, the sound making Zelda look over and see her knight attendant wearing a smile. Suddenly her book was much less interesting. She set it aside and turned her head to address Link.
"I tend to spite the practice," Zelda said. "It's incredibly old-fashioned. Ever since my first ball I've hidden it far into my sleeve so that men wouldn't fill it out. I prefer to have the night to myself and to my research than dancing with less than desirable men."
"You're not going to get rid of me that easily," Link said teasingly.
Zelda smirked.
"Wasn't trying to."
She bowed her head as the conversation lagged. She was beginning to like him. Not the sort of like where she felt she could tolerate him or she could see more to him than meets the eye. Those revelations came a month ago. She was beginning to like him, his smile, his eyes, his hair, the way he walked with purpose, the way he talked to her like she was more than just an object. She was beginning to like him. She was beginning to have a crush on him. She was beginning to love him.
"So you read romance novels for recreation and yet you balk at dancing with suitors?"
"There's a big difference between courting rituals and romance," Zelda argued as she returned her gaze to him.
"True," he said with an expression that was so much more free than weeks ago. He was opening up to her, there was no doubt about it.
Link averted his gaze.
"Sorry, I don't have much experience with either."
Later that night, Zelda would inwardly debate whether or not a blush was on his cheeks. For now, her thoughts resigned herself to acting in the moment.
"Here, give me your pencil," Zelda commanded, offering her hand and opening her dance card.
"I'm not one of your suitors."
"Neither is my father."
"He's the king."
"Will you just give me your pencil?"
Link sighed as he pulled out the pencil he was given for the ball, perfectly sharpened and in no way dulled by his name on the cards of other women.
Zelda wrote down Link's name next to the words "Waltz" and "True Love's Serenade".
"There," she said, placing the pencil down as she stood up and smoothed out her royal blue dress. "Now it's official."
"But we don't have any music," Link argued as he stood up as well.
"I suppose that's a sacrifice we'll have to make," Zelda said, the pair arranging themselves so that they faced each other.
Waltz. Waltz. Waltz. He wracked his brain attempting to recall the propriety he was taught.
Hands behind your back, back straight, bend to the lady as she curtsies before you.
Stand back up straight and she will offer her hand. Slide your left under her offered right.
Press a chaste kiss to the back of her hand before letting go with a gentlemanly gentility.
Take two steps toward the lady. Place your right hand on her back and hold her right with your left. Her left hand will place itself on your shoulder.
"Link, it's okay," Zelda said, pulling him out of the strict words running through his head and into her green eyes. "Relax. Breathe. You don't have to be perfect. Don't overthink it. Dancing is more than rules."
Rules.
How could there be rules in a world where such beautiful emeralds existed? Where her hands were so soft? Where she smelled so sweet? Where her kindness and joy radiated like the sun?
Link relaxed, starting to waltz. Zelda noticed that his expression had relaxed too, and she could convince herself that his blue eyes descended so far as to convey an emotion as deep as love.
"Link?" she said, studying it as they danced in circles.
"Yes, Your Highness?"
She wanted to ask the question on her mind, on her heart, but something stopped her, her anxiety, her nerves, her doubts.
"'Your Highness' is a bit formal," she said instead. "How about 'Princess'? For when people are around."
"And when they aren't?" Link prompted, searching her moonlit complexion for the answer.
The Princess moved her arm so that her forearm draped over the back of Link's shoulders. Their waltz stopped spinning and they simply rocked in place.
"Call me Zelda," she said, her eyes on his to wait for his understanding.
She could see his hesitation. They both knew it was against the rules, addressing her by her name and so many more things about the situation, but no one else was around to bear witness to their obvious infatuation with each other.
"Zelda," he said softly, and yet with enough breath to make her heart quake in her chest. She wanted to hear it again and again and again. She wanted to hear other words mixed into it. She wanted to hear it right up against her lips. She wanted to hear it pleading her. She wanted to hear it louder and she wanted to hear it softer. She wanted to hear Link say it with the gentle undertones of being her lover. In so many different ways, but for the same reason, she wanted to say his name too.
"Link," she said as she moved her lips closer to his, foregoing everything but her instincts.
Their lips were breaths away when Link looked down at his white boots with an exhale.
"It's getting late," Link said. "Your father likely wants you back in the ballroom before the night is over."
Zelda nodded.
Arms linked and expressions forlorn, they returned to the ballroom thinking only of their love for the other.
38 notes · View notes
peppersjam · 3 years
Text
My Top 10 Albums of 2020
Ok, it's nearly February. Let's do this.
Revisiting the 2019 list, I'm struck by how my taste hasn't really changed. All of those albums are still in my regular rotation. This might be the first time that's been true year over year. The only one that has sorta fallen off is My Finest Work Yet but that's just because it's up against Andrew Bird's entire oeuvre.
Runners up: - Fleet Foxes - "Shore" (I got into Fleet Foxes pretty heavily in the Fall when this came out, but I found myself gravitating to their older albums. It's hard to disentangle that) - Caribou - "Suddenly" (It's good) - The Avalanches - "We Will Always Love You" (Also good) - Four Tet - "Sixteen Oceans" (Yes, good)
The pre-2020 albums that should've ranked:
Sharon Van Etten - "Tramp" (2012)
Sharon Van Etten - "Are We There" (2014)
Sharon Van Etten - "Remind Me Tomorrow" (2019)
🙃
10. Fiona Apple – Fetch The Bolt Cutters
I didn't listen to Fetch The Bolt Cutters many times, but it was one of my most memorable listens of the year: I took a day off of work for the first time since COVID protocols began, and I went on a long walk around Pittsburgh with FTBC in my ears. It's hard for anything to live up to a Pitchfork 10/10, but for one afternoon, at least, I agreed.
9. Sylvan Esso – WITH
A live album? But Sylvan Esso dropped a new new album this year. And wait, I've never even had any Sylvan Esson on my year-end lists before!
I miss live music so much. I didn't know that I would, though. Lately I've found myself (like many 30-somethings, probably) having a little bit less fun at concerts than I used to. They're too loud and you have to stand still for too long if you want to have a good view of the stage, and people don't dance as much as you wish they did, etc. etc. The last show I went to was Big Thief at The Fillmore in late November 2019. I stood up front like I used to (sore legs and all), but thank god I did.
WITH is not just a live album but a concert film. They formed a band of their musical friends and performed as a large group rather than as a duo, and the result is, surprisingly, my favorite Sylvan Esso album.
Ugh, and the crowd singing on "Coffee," "my baby does the hanky panky... my baby doessss..."
8. Perfume Genius – Set My Heart On Fire Immediately
This is yet another spectacular entry into the Pefume Genius catalog. Shrug emoji.
7. Taylor Swift – folklore / evermore
CHEATER ALERT! Two albums for the price of one! If I had to pick one of these to keep on a desert island, I'd probably pick evermore. It might be recency bias, but Taylor sounds like she's having more fun on that one. Regardless, Taylor delivered on (a) making TikTok go absolutely bananas trying to decipher hidden messages and (b) giving us the ultramainstream National(Dessner)-produced pop we didn't know we needed.
6. Charli XCX – how i'm feeling now
This album was a perfect palate cleanser to 2019's underwhelming-to-me Charli. She managed to capture the essence of being in COVID lockdown without losing sight of what makes her Charli XCX (i.e., all caps EARWORMS).
5. Adrianne Lenker – songs / instrumentals
CHEATER ALERT PT. 2! I talked a lot about Big Thief on my list last year because of their double whammy of U.F.O.F. and Two Hands (for which I did not, mind you, cheat). Adrianne's 2020 albums were released on the same day, so they're basically one album (right?). Adrianne spent some time with a binaural mic in a cabin in Western Massachusetts and recorded - complete with diagetic birds and windchimes - the most intimate indie rock/folk album I can recall. That entire sentence is Steve catnip.
4. Waxahatchee – Saint Cloud
I had a big Waxahatchee phase in 2018, so I was looking forward to 2020's Saint Cloud, especially after seeing glowing reviews. But I bounced off of it hard after a couple listens.
Sheep that I am, I decided to give it another shot when it started showing up at the top of end-of-year lists. And of course, I loved it.
3. Andy Schauf – The Neon Skyline
This is the only album on this list that I listened to pre-COVID. So there's something special here, for sure. It hooked me with its storytelling, which is smaller in scale than a lot of "story" music. But the smallness is key because it makes everything plausible. There are a bunch of "sad" albums on this list, but none of them wrecked me quite like this one.
2. HAIM – Women in Music Pt. III
Pt. III improves on the HAIM formula in every way. The choruses are catchier and the experimental bits are weirder. I think HAIM may have blown up this year if it weren't for gestures broadly. Not saying they aren't successful as is - but this is an album full of should-be festival hits.
1. Phoebe Bridgers – Punisher
Phoebe's Punisher arrived at the perfect time. Me and everyone on TikTok (at least the TikTok that I was algorithmed into) needed a sad album to lose ourselves in. A lot of these people didn't know Phoebe before this album. I'm jealous of their getting to discover this and Stranger In The Alps and boygenius (and BOCC, I guess) at the same time.
When I saw boygenius in 2018 (HOW was it that long ago?) I came away stunned by Lucy's performance and Julien's raw emotion (mirroring my thoughts from her captivating Outside Lands set in 2016(?!)). But I didn't know exactly what I thought about Phoebe.
I figured it out though! It was very obvious and I am very dumb for not realizing it until Punisher. Phoebe is a brilliant writer. She captures everything with a specificity that that simultaneously draws you into her brain and ejects you out into space.
So it wasn't just that we collectively wanted (needed) a good cry, it's that we were asking (begging) to be ejected from Earth completely, to return when everything was some facsimile of normal again. Phoebe delivered - not just with her patented ballads but with the hilariously uptempo "Kyoto" that asks us to dance alone in our apartments to I wanted to see the world / through your eyes until it happened / then I changed my mind. Yep, this was the perfect year for the equal parts earnest, funny, and sad 2nd Phoebe album.
10 notes · View notes
bubble-tea-bunny · 4 years
Text
Tumblr media
until you count all the petals 
[sylvain gautier x reader]
author’s note: this is the third fic in a row that has to do w flowers and i promise that was a coincidence lol. inspired by my favorite song from my favorite group :’)
word count: 8,176
i. the sky is blue and we’re over
Sylvain’s not sure what he would call the two of you.
He tends not to label things, never much a fan of assigning names, and it’s because labels imply a degree of certainty, of commitment; commitments that came with consequences if it all went south. Strings are too messy, and, he reasons, why bother with snipping them when he could avoid getting wrapped up in them to begin with? Love’s a ball of yarn but he’s not a cat.
With these factors taken into consideration, he finds himself startled, shocked even, like lightning has shot through his veins, to realize on a nondescript afternoon with the sun high in the sky and a gently billowing breeze, that you’re different. It is especially surprising because he arrives at this conclusion while he’s alone. This wasn’t an instance where the guy looks at the girl, really looks at her, and suddenly his chest tightens and he swallows hard because the light shines on her differently now and he knows with certainty—she’s the one.
For Sylvain, it’s the flowers. He’s in the greenhouse and there are sunflowers being cultivated in one of the planters. They’re a new addition, but day by day their stems have grown, shooting up from the soil, like hands reaching for the sky. Their golden petals open, and he swears that corner of the greenhouse feels the slightest bit warmer from the multiple tiny suns. It’s when he sees them and that warmth rushes over him that he is reminded of how he feels when you’re around. And he likes it, wants to feel this way forever, and he wonders if this is the sensation of strings wrapping around his heart.
The sound of his name pulls his attention from the sunflowers and he spots you walking into the greenhouse, a wide smile on your pretty face. But sunflower or smile, smile or sunflower, Sylvain is inclined to think they are the exact same.
He meets you in the middle and offers you his arm. As you exit the greenhouse, absentmindedly you wonder if your favorite shop in the nearby town has your favorite pastry in stock today (they rotate their menu). Why don’t we go check? he asks, and you’re quick to agree. The way your eyes light up is cute.
Sylvain is still hesitant to make any sort of decision as to where your relationship stands, because you have avoided putting a name to it too, but, at the very least, he could say that the two of you are… something more.
Your favorite shop does indeed have your favorite pastry available, and you barely stop yourself from buying three. Sylvain laughs and says he’ll buy three if you want, but you resolve to start with one, and if you’re still craving them, you’d get back in line for more. But both of you know that you will. And so does the baker. This isn’t your first time there. After the food is paid for, he lowers his voice and says he’ll keep two extra in the back for you. This particular baked good is popular, and you’re grateful for the kind gesture.
The gooey frosting sticks to your lips with every bite and your tongue slips out to lick it off. You hold out the pastry to Sylvain, a wordless offer for him to take a bite since he hadn’t gotten anything for himself, but he shakes his head. His own sweet tooth is more than satisfied by you. That’s what he tells you, and he can’t help but laugh when you roll your eyes and lightly punch his shoulder from across the small table. Then he’s reaching out to you, using his thumb to swipe the bit of frosting at the corner of your mouth that you’d missed. He brings it up to his mouth and the sugar melts pleasantly on his tongue. The blush dusting your cheeks reminds him of cherries.
You discuss everything from training and sore muscles to gossip from around the monastery. Sylvain shares the scoop on who’s dating who, and you listen attentively, head occasionally tilting and eyes occasionally widening to learn of unlikely pairs. Some you doubt the validity of, but he promises it’s all true. You sit quietly in thought, gaze dropping to the two pastries on your plate. Huh, you mutter, envisioning one couple specifically that you found hard to believe. Who would have thought?
Sylvain has his head resting on his propped up hand, watching you in amusement. Movement from over your shoulder draws his focus up, and there’s a woman exiting the antique shop next to the bakery. She’s coming this way along the sidewalk, and their eyes meet, and the grin he flashes is instinctual. The response he is met with he is very much accustomed to, her own eyes momentarily diverting, a sudden shyness overcoming her, before she slips him one more quick glance with a tiny smile, and then she’s walked past, continuing on her way.
He turns back to you, but you’re already watching him, and his brows furrow in confusion when you say you’re not really hungry anymore and suggest you head back. He’s even more confused when, instead of gathering up the pastries to bring back to the monastery, as you typically do, you take them over to the next table and ask if the people there want them.
After giving them away, you join him where he’s waiting on the sidewalk. You don’t reach for his hand on the walk back, so he reaches for yours, but it’s a few seconds before your fingers curl to properly grip his. A subtle delay, but unusual enough for him to notice immediately. The sudden change in mood makes him feel like he’s been spun in circles. He doesn’t understand what’s going on, but he wishes he did.
His wish is granted upon your arrival back at the monastery. The sun is setting and the lake glitters with the last of the daylight. It’s romantic, and he’s about to stop you by the docks, turn to you and steal a kiss in the peacefulness of dusk and run a hand through your hair, soft locks the golden rays of golden hour because this time of day doesn’t look this good on anyone else. Not the way it does on you. But you’re the one to stop first, and his strides are halted by your linked hands.
Your fingers loosen but his hold on your hand keeps you connected, and he’s still smiling like nothing’s wrong. It’s when you don’t reciprocate that it drops and he asks what’s wrong.
And it’s not quite what he wants to hear when you say I don’t know. Surely there was a reason to explain your listlessness. Something like that doesn’t just spring up from nowhere. But what could it be, that you can’t really put it in words? Concern starts to creep up his spine like an unwelcome winter chill, and your hand slipping out of his now slack grip to drop back to your side does the talking for you.
Quietly he says your name, an upward inflection towards the end like it’s a question. You’re staring at your shoes and he’s staring at the crown of your head and even for his worries about what’s happening, what you might say, he can’t shake the thought of fashioning you a crown of flowers.
“What are we, Sylvain?” you finally inquire.
Pulled from his train of thought, Sylvain blinks. “What do you mean?”
“This.” You motion between you both. “You and me… Are we just a temporary fling?”
The mere suggestion stings and Sylvain shakes his head. “What? No—”
“Then are we together?”
The implications of the question catch him off guard. He’d always thought you were on the same page: no labels, no titles, no boyfriend and girlfriend. Just… you and him. Nothing more, nothing less. But your impatience is clear as day with how you cut him off, and he still doesn’t understand why you’re bringing this up. But he knows you’re aware of his hesitation to call things like this by name, and you’d been fine to follow along until this moment, so he’s slow to respond to your loaded question.
“Hey, come on,” he murmurs, taking a half step forward to be closer. “You know you’re the only one for me.” He’s skirting around giving a direct answer, and hopes that you leave it at that, but you don’t, and when he tries to reach for your hand, you take a half step back to be farther away.
“Do I?”
The doubt present in your tone stops him short, and whatever else he might’ve said dies in his throat. Your frustrations are becoming more apparent as the conversation moves along, your eyes shining from the sunset and cutting through him like newly forged steel. Sylvain wracks his brain for what could have been responsible for the soured mood, entirely unlike the atmosphere of this afternoon.
“Is this… because of earlier?” he asks uneasily.
You don’t say anything, but your lack of reply lets him know he’s right. He scoffs like it’s a silly concern, smiling to try to allay your irritation. “That was just a quick glance. She didn’t mean anything.”
It’s the wrong answer to an unspoken question. “It’s not the first time you’ve done that.”
“Done what?”
“Flirt endlessly with practically every girl you see!” This is the most emotion you’ve displayed during your talk, your volume rising slightly, and Sylvain’s thankful the two of you are alone so no one hears what has quickly devolved into a full argument. “So no, I don’t know that I’m the only one for you. I can’t know!”
Every word is a punch in the gut and there’s a heavy weight in the pit of his stomach. Sylvain’s mouth opens then closes then opens again but nothing comes out and that’s because you both know he has no defense. What you’ve said is true. He’s always flirted, always talked pretty to pretty girls and taken delight in watching them swoon. He likes to have them wrapped around his finger. Not even the less successful attempts, which leave him standing alone, staring at the back of their retreating figure, are enough to discourage him. It’s habit for him to sweet-talk his way into girls’ hearts, to stay there for a few weeks, days, hours, then take his leave and move on.
This habit is precisely what’s jeopardizing whatever sort of relationship he has with you, the prettiest girl of all. And maybe this is one of those stories where the guy looks at the girl, really looks at her, and knows that she’s the one, because it’s been much longer than a few weeks and never has he thought of leaving you behind.
But it’s too little too late as you stare up at him and he feels you drifting farther away despite the physical distance in between.
“What I said to those other girls were just empty words. They don’t matter to me,” he tries to reason. “Not like you do.”
You’re unsatisfied, however, and shake your head.
“Are you really ready for a relationship, Sylvain?” you ask with a hushed tone now, and his heart squeezes when you say his name. “Because I don’t think you are.”
His silence following your declaration is enough to cut the strings, and even if he did have words, you no longer have the patience to hear them.
———
ii. my friends tell me to give up
It’s almost frightening how you’re able to carry on as if he doesn’t exist. Whenever you’re both in a common area, you never so much as glance his way. Sylvain, on the other hand, isn’t coping very well.
Over the ruckus in the dining hall he can pick out your laugh easily, and a part of him deep down perks up the way it had before whenever he heard or saw you. His eyes shoot to where you sit at a table across the room. One of your friends appears to be telling a captivating tale that has you and your fellow housemates thoroughly entertained. Sylvain sees his mouth move but he can’t hear what he’s actually saying that has you all laughing. It’s impossible to hear much aside from clanking silverware and jumbled chatter. Sylvain’s ears have just been trained to listen for you.
The seat to his right is pulled back as Annette sits down with her plate of food, but Sylvain is too preoccupied staring at you to turn and say hello. Annette doesn’t expect any greeting, but she does sigh when she notices where he’s looking. Sylvain hadn’t officially announced what had transpired between you both; such was his prerogative when it came to any relationships. Since nothing was really ever “official,” he explained, there was no official start or end to make note of.
But Annette, as well as their mutual friends in the Blue Lion house, could surmise that whatever he had with you was different, even if he refused to put any sort of name to it. They began to suspect this when one whole moon had passed and you were still on his mind. Typically, the trysts which he discloses with them are with different girls, and there’s always that moment of trying to pair the name with the face before he continues on with the story, lamenting only half-seriously that She’s nice and all, but we just weren’t meant to be. (Not that it would matter much to figure out exactly who the girl of the week was anyway, since they would inevitably repeat this process all over again a few days later.)
When you came into the picture, you were a constant. For a long while at least—a lot longer than any of them gave Sylvain credit for. It’s been Sylvain’s nature to woo multiple girls at once, keeping them separated so as to prevent any conflict of interest, but over time it became noticeable that among the multiple names he would mention, yours came up again and again and again. And his friends began to wonder if you were it for Sylvain, that both of you were, in his words, meant to be, and maybe Sylvain didn’t want to acknowledge it because he didn’t want the commitment that came with it. Or maybe he was genuinely clueless to his own feelings, unfamiliar with love in any sense, especially the deep kind which flourishes in the deep hours of the night, a companion to silence and reflection.
Perhaps it was both, Annette thinks. He was oblivious until one day, something changed (he’d never shared the details, and no one had ever pried), and though he didn’t say it out loud, she noticed the light in his eyes when he talked about you. It was bright, instinctual, and, if she had anything to say about it, was almost love.
Now, Sylvain’s shoulders sag and his head rests on his hand as he watches you, hoping you’ll look this way, and the whole picture is one of dejection. Had the cutting of ties been what it took for his feelings to finally be truly realized? Life could be awfully cruel…
The chair across from Annette is pulled back with a grating scrape, wooden legs against wooden flooring, and Ashe sits down. His eyes are also drawn to Sylvain, as if a dark aura were surrounding him, and he frowns. A quick glance behind him in the direction Sylvain is staring confirms his suspicions immediately, and he bites his lip like he’s holding back words, wanting to speak but hesitating.
Sylvain notices Ashe’s pause and his eyes slide briefly in his direction.
“I know you want to say it, Ashe.” He’s blunt, tone flat. “So say it.”
Ashe releases his bottom lip. “Maybe it’s time to let her go.”
Annette holds her breath following this remark, anxious for Sylvain’s reaction. She doesn’t know why she’s nervous; he won’t get mad or yell. He’s been nothing but despondent since you stopped talking to him a couple of weeks ago, a perpetual raincloud hanging over his head. It did well to sour the mood of anyone who got near him, and if he noticed the effect it was having, he didn’t react or do anything to fix it. Some of those in Blue Lion were patient with him, giving him adequate time to process what happened. (Though what was that exactly? A break-up? It seemed like it, but Sylvain would never call it that.) Others, conversely, were less willing to wait for the storm to pass, hardly fans of being soaked to the bone.
Those who attempted the task of taking Sylvain’s mind off of you were far from successful. Where once mentions of a pretty girl in one of the other houses whom they’d seen glancing his way would cause Sylvain to perk up and seek her out, keen to snatch her heart up, for a day or a week or however long he fancied, such remarks now blew right past him, the faint whistle of a narrowly dodged arrow he doesn’t care enough to search for and see where it landed. The less patient among their friends have, therefore, given up. There could be no use helping someone off the ground if they weren’t looking for assistance.
Annette and Ashe were two people still holding on, but even they are gradually coming to terms with the futility of talking with what might as well be a brick wall. The absolute last resort that would pull Sylvain from his slump is if Dimitri were to say something, particularly in regards to how this is affecting Sylvain’s performance when training. Sylvain’s not at that point (yet?), so Dimitri has remained one of the patient few, but it would be better, of course, to avoid that kind of conversation entirely.
But Sylvain’s too busy running in circles around the thought of you to spot the hand offered to help him stand. He doesn’t say it, but Annette and Ashe don’t need him to because they already know what words refuse to surface: he doesn’t want to let you go.
What he does choose to share aloud is preceded by a sardonic laugh. “It’s ironic,” he starts, “that I’m the one who was dumped.” You’ve turned the tables on him. Does it usually hurt like this?
A singular issue that has remained at the forefront of his dilemma has to do with your own feelings. Was what you felt about him the same as what he still feels for you? His cynical side urges him to reason that no, he was the one making a bigger deal out of this than it was and it’s his fault he’s heartbroken. That’s the only way he could explain why you’re all smiles and laughs in the days that have transpired since the argument, a drop of sunshine warming the earth where you walk. Meanwhile he’s downtrodden in the shade, just a little too far out of your reach.
And yet he can’t shake the notion that you had to have felt just as seriously about your relationship as he had, because your outburst had stemmed from his aversion to exclusivity. Even if you didn’t say it, the problem you took with his coquetry implied your desire for something more too—that being the chance to maybe call him yours, with all the strings and none of the stray glances or flirtatious words shared with other girls. Should this be true, it was still his fault that your relationship is basically in shambles; his propensity to woo and impress with no thought to commitment, no thought to what you might think despite knowing deep down that you were different from the others, had pushed you away. So he’s paying the price. Being nobility means nothing; he’d never have enough money to pay in full for something like this.
Still, he wishes you would look at him, at least once. He feels like a lovesick puppy and maybe he should be embarrassed because as far as anyone else is concerned, he doesn’t get hung up on any one girl for long, but they don’t know you like he does. They don’t know the way you make his stomach do flips or the way your grin has him wrapped around your finger. The more you pass him by, the more he pines for you, and maybe you know and that’s why your eyes never search for his; you’re intent to move on, whatever your feelings for him may have been. The sun’s not fond of rainstorms either.
———
iii. it’s only you for me
Life starts to return to normal, slowly but surely. Sylvain’s in a slump less often these days, and he’s smiling a little more, joking around a little more. Though his training had never suffered after your relationship came to an end, he throws himself into it extra hard now, giving it his all. It’s the ideal distraction, and Dimitri has even commended his discipline and sharp improvement. Annette observes him with a knowing gaze but says nothing. The last thing Sylvain needs in his process of getting over you is to hear your name.
What truly begins to mark the return of the Sylvain they’re all familiar with is his flirtatious remarks with any cute girl that catches his eye. However, for every ounce of his enthusiasm, not everyone is interested (perhaps they’re aware of his track record), but that doesn’t discourage him. Where one might not care to give him the time of day, another is, and he pulls them in with silken praises and honeyed words murmured over the wispy tendrils of steam floating from their cups of tea.
Felix won’t admit that this past moon had been… uncomfortably quiet, with Sylvain in the state he was. It was strange to see his friend so reserved and contained, lost within his own head. Usually Sylvain would talk his ears off (or come very close to doing so) about his shenanigans and all the other monastery gossip Felix never cared to find out about himself. Now that the period of atypical quiet has passed, and Sylvain’s regained his voice and his confidence, well, Felix also won’t admit that he had missed it (but just a little).
Today he is an unintentional witness to Sylvain’s latest efforts of wooing another student; Felix doesn't know who she is, and he doesn’t plan to ask Sylvain later. They’re sitting across from each other at one of the tables in the reception hall, close to the wall. Sylvain’s broad-shouldered figure dwarfs her much smaller form, and Felix can’t see what he’s saying, but based on the girl’s bashful smile she hides behind her hand, it’s a string of saccharine remarks that Felix fears will make his teeth rot should he actually be able to overhear their conversation.
A few seconds is all it takes for Felix to grow tired of this display, and he sighs, prepared to continue his walk in the direction of the training grounds. But it seems the invisible hands which keep the world turning would keep him right where he is, and it’s in a fit of irony that perhaps the one person least interested in Sylvain’s love life also serves as an unintentional witness to his yearning, to his regression, and to his downfall.
Felix sees you around the monastery often, and he only made note of all the times he did after you and Sylvain began to spend time together more consistently. Prior to that, he had no idea who you were. The instances he had spotted you following whatever it was you told Sylvain that had left him so gloomy, were marked by slight confusion, for you carried on as if nothing were wrong, as if you didn’t have that talk and separated yourself from Sylvain entirely. And it left him to wonder, the tiniest bit curious, if maybe you were the one stringing Sylvain along. But for what purpose? To show him how it felt to be picked up, treated like gold, then abandoned in the dust? If so, you were more spiteful than you looked.
The speculation doesn’t make sense if what Sylvain had told him was true. Felix pretends he’s not listening when Sylvain talks about girls, but he is, and he remembers especially what Sylvain said about you. It wasn’t just Sylvain waxing lyrical when he declared that what you felt for each other was different. You were more than just some girl he took a brief interest in, and it was your equally enthusiastic reciprocation of his feelings that made Sylvain start to feel like he could have a real relationship. He never did tend to wear his heart on his sleeve, but with the way he spoke of you, he showed it off proudly. He’s usually guarded enough that Felix took this as a sign that your own feelings really were genuine.
And so, all those factors considered, Felix thinks he’ll never understand how, despite how strongly you had also felt for Sylvain, you are hardly affected by the break-up (Sylvain would never call it that but Felix isn’t blind nor the one in denial). You haven’t met Sylvain’s gaze since then, not once.
Well, until now, as you pass through the reception hall. Perhaps it was an accident, but that’s all it takes for Sylvain to slip back to square one. It’s a quick meeting of the eyes from over the shoulder of the girl Sylvain is talking to, and you never once pause in your steps. You almost look indignant to have caught his attention, inwardly scolding yourself for allowing your eyes to wander.
You walk right past Felix, kicking up a small breeze in your wake due to the hastening of your steps, and Felix looks from you over to Sylvain, who says something to the girl—excusing himself?—before standing up and following after you. He walks fast too, intent to catch up to you, and he doesn’t spare Felix a glance either.
Felix sighs. Oh dear…
Once out of the reception hall, Sylvain looks left and right. He barely catches sight of your figure turning the corner into the garden, and this time he breaks into a run, his wide strides carrying him to you swiftly.
“[Name]!” he calls out, and he doesn’t care for the stares he draws from other students. “Wait!”
You don’t turn around at the sound of your name, and in a desperate attempt to get you to finally look at him, he takes hold of your arm, hoping that you’ll stop. His grip is gentle, and you could easily pull away, but you don’t, and he’s breathing a little harder from the short run but also from the fact you’re standing here, in front of him, watching him and there’s no spark in your eyes like there had been once, but at the moment he’s just happy that you’re looking at him at all.
“What do you want, Sylvain?” you ask quietly.
He swallows, his breath returning to normal, and your eyes slide down to where he’s still holding your arm. His fingers uncurl from around your white long-sleeve and there are small wrinkles where they once were. There’s silence as Sylvain tries to put a sentence together because he realizes he doesn’t have anything to say. He didn’t actually think you would stop. And the longer you stand there, the more he panics, worried that you might leave and he’ll have wasted his chance to get you back.
“I’m sorry.”
He hopes you don’t ask sorry for what because there are so many things, and while part of him is ready to list them, to voice his regret and admit his feelings aloud, thereby undoing all he had ever done to keep himself from getting attached to one person, the other part of him is too scared to do it because he’s never felt like this about anyone and it’s frightening how painfully his chest tightens when you say his name, even when you say it with indifference.
You shake your head. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
But there is and somehow it hurts more than you act like there isn’t. Are you really so prepared to move on? Frantically he searches your gaze for any longing or any sign that you don’t want to completely forget about what the two of you had. Surely you had been thinking about him too, in some capacity? Do you miss him at all?
“Please,” he begs, but he can’t begin to properly describe what it is he’s begging for. “Just give me another chance.”
You almost look as if you’re going to say no, your jaw set as you stare up at him. Yet he finds an inkling of hope in your several seconds of silence because you appear to be considering what he has said. His heart is pounding and could this be it? Could you be coming back to him? It might be slow, tentative, but Sylvain will work with that. He will give you your time and space to process, and he won’t mess up again.
You break eye contact to glance to your right, in the direction of the gazebo, and it’s a signal for Sylvain that his hope was probably too ambitious. To decide on something like that right now was unrealistic, and his impatience gnaws at him but he meant it when he said he would give you space.
“Can we talk about this another time? I have to meet someone.”
Another time. Sylvain nods his head a little too eagerly. “Yeah. Of course.”
You give him a time and place and when he says goodbye, you only halfheartedly respond with a wave. He remains where he is as you walk the rest of the way to the gazebo in the center of the garden and slide into the chair across from a guy Sylvain doesn’t recognize. At the sight of you both, his stomach feels heavy and his shoulders sag and maybe you don’t miss him.
———
iv. until you count all the petals
Sylvain arrives ten minutes early.
He understands why you chose this spot. It’s far from wandering eyes, the only people likely to come this way being the guards as they make their rounds. It stings a little to be treated as something to be hidden away, but he doesn’t blame you for it. If anyone aware of what had happened between you were to spot you together, it would only invite questions you might not be keen to answer.
What exactly were your expectations for the conversation you will have? Sylvain knows what his are, but from what he can tell thus far with the way you have chosen to handle this, picking a quiet place to talk, your own are the complete opposite. If you wanted to avoid anyone seeing you, then that implies you have no intention of taking him back. Otherwise, you would have no problem if the whole academy were to observe you together.
With a huff, Sylvain shakes his head in an attempt to rid himself of these negative thoughts. Be all that as it may, he wouldn’t set himself up for failure by overthinking and acting paranoid. Even if his assumptions are correct, he would still do his best to change your mind. He’s coming to you as a different person now, one that is sure of his feelings and, for the first time in his life, ready to put a name to what you two have because it is different and it’s special and the biggest regret Sylvain has is that he hadn’t realized it sooner. He wishes he hadn’t been so afraid to accept it.
The minutes tick by and he grows increasingly nervous. He hadn’t exactly prepared a speech beforehand, and usually he’s good at winging speeches, especially the flowery kind, designed to tug the heartstrings, but he doubts that will cut it this time. There are many things he wants to say, and there isn’t a lot of time to say them. All that he feels for you is an incoherent jumble, too strong to constrain to concise sentences and he wants to show you, not tell you. He wants you to understand the depth of his affection through the gentle graze of his fingertips along your skin, through his pounding heart as he holds you close, your ear to his chest. And he wonders if you’ll get it then, that you’re the first girl to render him speechless.
“Sylvain.”
As if shocked, Sylvain twists around. He hadn’t heard you approach. You’re standing a few feet away, hands clutched behind your back, a polite stance like you’re talking to a stranger. He doesn’t say anything immediately, unsure of how to greet you or if he should greet you. Should he just get into his spiel? But then he remembers the bouquet he’s clutching because your eyes are drawn to it, and he notes with embarrassment that in his absentminded pondering, he’d been squeezing the stems. Luckily none are bent out of shape, and he holds the flowers out to you.
“I got you these.” Smooth, Sylvain.
Your blink and tilt your head, confused as to why he would present you with a gift when the conversation you’re about to have hardly merits one, but you accept it anyway, graceful as always. “… Thank you.”
You bring them up closer to your face so you can smell them, and Sylvain’s smile is hidden behind the flowers. When you lower them again, you inform him you can’t stay for long. You’re meeting someone in the library to work on an assignment, and he’d like to know if that someone is the guy he saw you having tea with the other day, but he keeps silent about that. Perhaps you do have somewhere to be, or perhaps you don’t and you’re lying because you just don’t want to talk to him more than necessary. Either way, Sylvain is strapped for time, and he needs to make the best of it.
“I won’t be long,” he promises. “Just… until you count all the petals.”
And that wouldn’t take long at all. The petals of the flowers he gave you are large, and easily counted. Upon this remark, the corner of your mouth lifts in an almost-smile, and your focus shifts downwards to the flowers you hold. He can’t tell if you’re counting but doesn’t stop to ask.
Instead, he starts to spill his heart out to you. “I messed up big time, I know. And I meant it when I said I’m sorry. I should’ve been less afraid to accept what I felt for you.”
You purse your lips and look up at him. Quietly, you inquire, “What do you feel for me?”
Sylvain can feel his pulse pounding in his ears. You’re watching him closely, but it’s not scrutinizing or investigative, simply… curious. Curious to know if he’ll actually say it now, if your feelings had been valid and he had genuinely felt the same because when you called everything off, it certainly didn’t feel like he did, and he hates that he put you through that kind of heartbreak. You were the last person to deserve that, and the gravity of his series of screw-ups settle heavy on his shoulders now. This is his last chance to redeem himself, if you would even grant him that.
Though he understands this, the words don’t leave him easily, the final struggle in breaking past the walls he has created for himself. His mouth opens then closes, nothing coming out at first. He’s trying to find the words and you’re a patient person, but it doesn’t extend that far with him, not anymore, and he understands that too. No answer would still be an answer, and as his silence stretches on, you too open your mouth to speak, perhaps to say a farewell for good. That one second feels like eternity and the dreadful thought of you walking away now is what breaks down those barriers, and he’s desperately reaching out for you where you stand on the other side.
“I love you.”
Your mouth promptly shuts, and now you’re the one who’s speechless. He’d actually said it. The surprise on your face betrays the fact you really didn’t think he would, and to be honest, he’s a bit surprised too. Never has he confessed something so heartfelt to another, preferring to keep away from anything that intimate. Such a statement isn’t to be taken lightly, and he has always understood its importance, of what it means to say that to someone with such conviction that the heart squeezes so hard it begins to crack. It’s to this that he owes his sudden shortness of breath in the following quiet, waiting apprehensively for any sort of response.  
You don’t reply with words first. There are subtle changes written upon your face, whether or not you notice. Your features soften, your eyes not as guarded as they were, and he has greatly missed the fondness which settles in them. Eternal summer rests deep in his soul and you’re the sun that will never set. Your eyelashes kiss the smooth skin of your cheeks as you glance down. Now poised for a reply, your mouth opens, lips glistening, and he would like very much to kiss them. But that’s a mere passing thought and he remains in place, bracing himself, crossing his fingers for the best while mentally steeling himself for the worst.
Please say you love me too.
“Fifty-eight.”
That certainly didn’t sound like I love you too.
Sylvain’s brows furrow. “What?”
You lift your gaze to him. “There are fifty-eight petals.”
Well, it was a response. Not one Sylvain had wanted, but it was better than none at all, and you’d upheld your end of the agreement: you listened until you counted every petal.
He tries not to make his disappointment visible but you know him so well you can detect the smallest cues. His eyes break contact with yours, and for a moment it looks like you’re going to say something, at best a reciprocation of his affection, at worst a rejection of it, but you stop yourself, glancing down at the bouquet.
“I… I have to get going,” you state instead.
Sylvain nods. “Right.”
You part ways with awkward waves, and you don’t say See you later. It might be reasonable to assume that this is your way of telling him you don’t feel the same way, that it ends here and it ends for real, but he doesn’t make that assumption. There aren’t fifty-eight petals. There are seventy-two. He counted them earlier. You’d mentioned a random number, and if you hadn’t counted, that meant you’d been willing to listen from the start. Perhaps you weren’t as antsy to get away as he had previously assumed, and you had wanted to hear what he had to say.
He stares after your retreating figure but he doesn’t feel dread to see you walking away, flowers in hand. His breaths feel lighter, coming to him easier, and maybe he’d convinced you, or at the very least, is on his way to doing so. In any case, he would gladly wait, allowing you all the time you need to think.
———
v. prettier than a flower, she left
He hears you before he sees you.
You’ve just finished with choir practice and you call out a goodbye to your friend, who’s decided to stay behind in the cathedral for a bit longer. You, on the other hand, are striding past the tall and wide open wooden doors, the gentle wind today ruffling your clothes as you step outside. The air is cool and you don’t notice him standing there.
Sylvain’s off to the side of the entrance to the cathedral, leaning on the brick wall. He grins in amusement when he discovers you haven’t spotted him. He stares at your back for a few moments but doesn't let you get very far before he’s speed walking to catch up to you. His shoes clack quietly on the cobblestone but you don’t have time to react to the noise before he’s taken hold of your arm to grab your attention.
You gasp in surprise and turn around, eyes wide, and once you register who has stopped you, you let out a deep breath and set your free hand over your heart.
“Sylvain!” you exclaim. “You scared me!”
Sylvain laughs and continues to laugh even after you playfully hit him on the shoulder, so lightly that he very well could have imagined it if he hadn’t just watched you do it. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it.” With the hand still wrapped around the crook of your elbow he tugs you close, and because you aren’t prepared for this, you stumble forward and fall against his chest. You collide with a quiet oof!
“What happened to us meeting at the reception hall?” you ask, and as you do, you brace your palms against his chest to try to push away and increase distance, at least to give you adequate space to tilt your head back to look at him, but he’s got both arms wrapped around you now, and given that he’s stronger, he doesn’t budge.
You give up and stop your pushing, and he chuckles at your small whine of defeat. “I couldn’t wait any longer to see you.”
“I was going straight there. It’s a five minute walk.” Accepting that so long as Sylvain wanted to hold you like this, you would remain right where you are, you bring your own arms around his torso. You’re careful not to dig your fingers into the fabric of his blazer, not wanting to wrinkle it.
“Five minutes is too long when I could just wait for you here.”
He almost sounds offended that you imply that he could possibly wait for an extra five minutes before he could see you again, and it’s your turn to laugh. “So needy,” you tease.
Sylvain won’t deny it. There’s nothing to hide and by this point, the whole academy is aware of your relationship. You’re part of the monastery gossip now, the likes of which you enjoy talking about while sitting outside the bakery in town. Before, he might have resented the idea of being so openly wrapped around a girl’s finger, because that was supposed to be his thing. Sylvain didn’t get tied down to just one person. But before, he also hadn’t fully realized what he was missing.
He’d rearrange the stars for you, would scoop them from the sky to stick to the ceiling of your room if you asked him to, so sweetly with that sweet voice of yours. And maybe in thanks you would sing him to sleep, gently running your fingers through his hair and he’d drift off wondering how he he could be this lucky, to be in love with the moon and to be loved back.
His attention no longer strays to other girls, and for many at the academy, this is a complete turnaround from when he could hardly keep his attention on just one. So if anyone were to remark that he seems different now, or tease him with a Who are you and what have you done with Sylvain or some such joke, he won’t argue against it or act like this is merely temporary. You’re not temporary. And he’s less inclined to say that the way he is now is “different.” It’s more that he knows himself better these days, and knows that life is better with you.
Neither of you has kept track of how long you’re standing there, and Sylvain is only pulled from his thoughts by you asking him to let go so you can start the walk to town. You like when he holds you, you tell him, but the day and all its sunshine is too beautiful to waste just staying here.
Sylvain nuzzles your hair and smiles and he’s certain you can feel it. His arms around you loosen, but you don’t immediately pull back, as if you can sense he still has things he wants to say, murmured against your form so the wind can’t eavesdrop. He murmurs that he loves you, and it comes out so easily that it’s a wonder that there was once a time he’d struggled to share those words with you.
You lean back slightly to look up at him and even in the shade they are bright and glittering. Your mouth curls into a beautiful grin that he’d like to kiss. He bends down, closing the distance, and as you’re about to meet he thinks he feels you say it back—I love you—whispered in one quick and silent breath, a burst of heat against his lips.
“Sylvain?”
What? Were you saying that?
“Sylvain.”
It didn’t sound like you. But then… where was that coming from? Who was calling him?
“Sylvain, wake up.”
Wake… up?
Sylvain’s eyes slide open and through blurry vision that has yet to come into focus, he spots Ashe stand on the opposite side of the long dining table, leaning forward and bracing himself on the dark wooden tabletop. Sylvain groans and sits up, stretching out his spine after having fallen asleep in a position that wasn’t the most comfortable. Ashe’s smile is sympathetic, sorry that he had to wake him up. He was sleeping rather heavily.
“We have to get to class,” Ashe tells him. “The next lesson is starting soon.”
The hustle and bustle of the dining hall corroborates his statement. The students who had lingered and spent the entirety of their lunch period here are cleaning up, and a chorus of chairs being pushed back into place echoes through the room. With a huff, equal parts one of inconvenience at having to get up and one of disappointment that he’d simply been dreaming, Sylvain stands up and follows Ashe outside.
The weather has taken a turn for the gloomy. A thick blanket of clouds paints the sky gray, and it’s the sort of overcast sky that’s difficult to look at. Ashe wonders aloud if it might rain, but Sylvain has no response to offer. He’s still trying to regain his bearings in time for lecture, but it’s slow progress when he’s still hung up on his dream. It had felt so real, and that’s what hurts the most. For a moment, he almost believed that everything had worked out, and he wishes that he could’ve remained forever within his own head, suspended in time, where that short and blissful period could stretch to eternity.
As per usual, no matter the amount of noise, the level of commotion as students scramble to get to their classrooms, Sylvain can hear your laugh above it all. His eyes find you walking across the courtyard, uncaring for the possibility of raindrops falling from the sky.
You’re with that guy again; you have been more often as of late. Sylvain never did catch his name. He must’ve said something funny because you grin widely, looking up at him with a sense of admiration Sylvain can pick up effortlessly despite the distance. He knows that what you must feel for him is real, that what you feel for him is something like love, if not love itself, because you used to look at him that way.
You hadn’t given him a direct response after his confession, and he hadn’t pressured you for one, not wanting to risk pushing you away further. But his heartfelt admission mattered little because he truly had been too late, for you’d been swept off your feet by another, and the most you could give by way of apology was a final glance when Sylvain saw you both, arm in arm, walking to the front gates of the monastery to take the path into town. It was a shock, certainly, that it was you who initiated eye contact, but it was your merciful goodbye. You’re always sweet like that, even as you break his heart.
Sylvain’s gaze slides from your faces down to your linked hands, and it’s the last he sees of you two before you disappear into your lecture hall. He’s close behind Ashe as they step out into the courtyard, and Ashe exclaims he thinks a raindrop hit his head. While his pace quickens, Sylvain’s stays the same, and he takes a hand out of his pocket to hold it out.
A drop of rain falls into his palm, and then another, and he’d really like a sunflower right about now.
185 notes · View notes
Share a Lair 16 || Thunderstruck Birthday Girl
This is basically just self indulgent Charlotte love showering. I generally write Charlotte as an April Taurus, because of when her birthday episode aired, so I figured this is around the time that I can just do a little cute, fun, show of love and stuff, and also give her a chance to get some nice things. It is mostly just filler, but does have at least one important piece of story and I’ll get back to the crucial parts with the next installment.
Charlotte liked a lowkey birthday. Usually, she had brunch and cake with her parents and spent it with the guys in the evening. This year, Max made a bunch of plans for her, and she was curious to see how well he would do with this, so she planned to have brunch with her parents and told the guys that she would touch base with them later in the night. At some point during making plans, the boys got competitive via casual conversation and so she was told that they were going to have a bake off and that as the birthday girl, she would be able to determine who baked the best cake. “So, you’re gonna have like four cakes?” Max asked.
“Knowing the guys, not a single one of the cakes that they plan on making will make it, whether due to calamity or them just eating all of the cake.” But, if there was cake, she was definitely having some of each.
After brunch, Max picked her up from the bistro, not really being that concerned that she wasn’t introducing him to her parents yet. He got a glimpse of them hugging her before leaving and they seemed extremely intimidating. He already didn’t like parents and hers were both successful in their own right and high maintenance from what he understood. Even the bistro that they were at was an exclusive place. Each guest had a personal server, and whenever the Pages came through, their Jamaican chef was given access to the kitchen to prepare their meals for special occasions. This morning, Charlotte had been presented with an authentic Jamaican breakfast and bottomless brunch drinks. Max couldn’t recall ever having had a brunch, much less one in an exclusive bistro, with a personal chef, personal server, and access to all of the bar.
Superhero life paid extremely well, but it was more of a trade off, since one’s body and health was on the line with each mission. Charlotte’s father was a physicist and spent more time working than he did at home. Her mother was a college chancellor and was home just as much as her husband, even though her job was only about an hour away. They tried to make up for the blank spaces with extravagant gifts and expensive celebrations, but Charlotte was simply always happy just to be able to see both of them at once for a little bit of time, even though half of it was generally spent with her having to update them on exactly how her educational career was going and have enough accolades and credentials to account for the time she couldn’t tell them about as a hero’s tech specialist. Learning that made Max understand her overachiever complex a little bit better, but he wanted the rest of her birthday to be as relaxing and rewarding as possible.
He took the scenic route back to the lair and she leaned her seat back and rested, watching everything and listening to a playlist that he made for her. He had several. One for when she goes to sleep, one for her workday, one for when she studied, etc. This one was one that he made for car trips with her. One of his favorite things about doing stuff for her was that she always noticed. The first time he’d made her a playlist, she’d said, “You had to have made this thing specifically for me, right?” He wanted to deny it, but noticed how excited that made her and confessed. It was an amazing feeling to do something for someone special and have them not only not take it for granted, but to really appreciate it. Max didn’t always receive that from his loved ones, but he usually did from Charlotte. He was confident that she was going to LOVE her birthday time with him.
She liked being around a lot of people less than he did. So, where he might be down for a party with his friends and loved ones, she was more like her family was over here for this amount of time, and her friends over there, for that amount of time. Everything and everybody had their time and place.
But, she told him not too long ago, “I never get tired of being around you though. It’s like… you’re practically a part of me.” She said it all casually, matter of factly. He couldn’t even hear her emotion in it, but he definitely started crying. Then there was this whole thing where she thought that maybe she said the wrong thing and tried to comfort him and apologize and explain better, “I’m not saying that you aren’t your own person or anything, just that like… my life is comfortable no matter how much of you is in it…” He had to compose himself to let her know that he was happy to hear it, not upset. He also apologized for crying, because damn… that couldn’t be sexy. Turns out, it was… as long as it’s warranted and not over every little thing! So, that was bonus scores for him.
.
Max made Henry “be scarce” from the lair for today, which was fine by him, because he had to “Serve these fools in the cakes department, anyway!” And Max just… Didn’t even WANT to know what that meant, but was relieved to later find out that it was about baking cakes and not the booty shaking contest that his brain automatically convinced him it would be. So, whenever Charlotte walked in and the place was set up like a spa, she gasped. “What’s happening?”
“You always want to grab a spa day, but you’ve cancelled like a dozen times because of work demands. So, I set up a home spa day for you… I did get funding from Dr. Page and Dr. Page, but they knew that you deserved it and since Henry asked, they just wired it to your birthday fund.”
“You and Henry got money from my parents for a birthday spa day for me?”
“I sent Henry to get money, yes. Is that alright?”
She covered her face, “That is SO SWEET! They could have eaten him alive. They’re very inquisitive people.”
“I sent him with an outline of all of the plans,” he said, with a shrug.
“You know me so well that you know how my parents are, even though I haven’t introduced you yet!” She was thunderstruck. He took her bags and handed her a robe and slippers…
After her spa treatment day, complete with Max playing guitar and singing her some songs during interludes while she waited for something to dry or settle, or whatever, she felt brand new. She hadn’t realized how stressed she’d been, even though Max does stuff for her whenever he can, she obviously had still been hella stressed out - probably because of Russia, graduation, Jasper and Henry, spa days being cancelled… But, she NEEDED this and Max giving her what she needed, right on time? She would miss that when he was gone. Now, she was sad for a moment.
“Time for gift presentation!” He said, distracting her from missing him before he was gone. She perked up, skin radiant, silky smooth curls popping, and her smile beaming. She was still in her robe and had her spa day swag bag next to her, which were packages of the products used today in her spa day treatment and also products from the spa that supplied the materials. “First of all, we have…” he spun his finger around and the kitchen island rotated to reveal where he had hidden all of her gifts, apparently (and she had forgotten that this lair had many secret areas, but he obviously hadn’t). He reached for a huge bag and beckoned it to her. “From the Hart household, warmth and comfort in the form of new silk sheets and pillowcases, plus fuzzy blankets and bamboo pillows!”
“YES!” She had been saying she needed these forever, but not getting around to ordering any because other stuff seemed more important everything she thought about it. She LIVED for luxury, though, she often talked herself out of it.
“From Henry, himself, an assortment of fine chocolates, a wine drinking accessories set, and a collection of gourmet cheeses.”
“Ooooh… He must’ve gone into his hero funds for this!” She said, pulling things out of Henry’s gift bag.
“He did!” Max cheered. “Jasper got you…” He gave her the bucket, wrapped kind of like an Easter basket, “A stationary pail.” There was something weird in his voice. He probably had asked Jasper to get something else and Jasper was having none of it.
She opened it to see a personal planner, a personalized pen and journal set, scented stickers, sticky pads, etc and she squealed. “He got them to match the scheme of my home office whenever I set up my new place after college!” Max furrowed his eyebrows and she explained, “You see, Max… You are very smart and pay attention to detail, but Jasper has known me for a really long time and sometimes has even the most menial of my lifestyle choices down pat.”
“Your work dads got you tickets to the Graduation Concert Festival,” he said, handing her an envelope and ignoring the declaration about Jasper. “My parents got you a kitchen set for your post graduation apartment… Well… actually, my Cousin Blobbin did, but it was my mom’s idea. Cookware and appliances!”
“That’s… nice!” She said. She had just realized that she hadn’t gotten anything for that, yet. Just an electric kettle, a spice rack, and whatever she was going to cop from her parents’ kitchen. This was a much better situation! She had a few more pretty great gifts that she appreciated, then they were down to the last few, which were all from Max. He sat down next to her and she set aside everything that she had and let him hold both of her hands, wondering why it got so serious all of a sudden.
“Charlotte… The past months that I’ve known you have been amazing to me. Even before we got together, just looking forward to experiencing and learning you everyday has been everything that I’ve ever wanted from another person. : Hesighed and looked at their hands, “I’m officially scheduled to go to Russia for three years.” His shoulders sank. “And I know that you plan to visit and that we plan to continue long distance, but that’s still so tentative for me and scary - the thought of you being tasked with waiting on me to come back. But…” He looked over at the counter and floated something to himself, “If you want, you can stay in my comeback home.” He handed her a set of keys with a SuperMax keychain attached to it. “I know that you’ve been looking for apartments and this is actually a house, but…”
“You are asking me to move in with you for 3 years from now?” She asked.
“No! I’m asking you to move in now and get comfortable and make it your own, then whenever I’m back… we can get used to living together again, and you’ll already be set.” Her eyes widened, “But, if you don’t want to, I understand! We haven’t even been together for a year and who knows how Russia will change us.” He pressed a button on the remote on her keys and a holographic image of the house projected from it, “But, if you want to, I’m welcoming you to.” It was an elevated house on top of pillars, a garden with stair rails on either side and a carport. “And you’ll have full access to my underground lab and lair.”
“This is a super cute house,” she said, in a tiny voice. “And a very sweet notion. I’ll… think about it…” Sensibly, she and Max had not been together long enough for this move, but also, their circumstances were special. They lived together already, basically, and their timeline was rushed for a number of reasons… But, just living with him alone, and actually moving in and keeping it while he was on tour was… a lot that she had to rationally comb through. He understood, and was grateful that she didn’t flat out say no and tell him that he was crazy for thinking she’d even want to.
“On a lighter note!” He changed the subject, “I present to you, some of my most inspired works of art…” He gave her a portfolio of several portraits that he had done of her, some very casual and cool, some extremely detailed and graphic, some as herself, some reimagined in other forms and styles. “They’re mostly from the pining days,” he said, bashfully. “But, I’m working on a big piece to hang in the comeback house.” She flipped through pages of her face, beautifully rendered and covered her heart.
“These are really good, Max.”
“I usually just draw project schematics and costumes, but I was having a phase where every time I tried, I had to draw you first, or I’d be distracted the whole time.
“I love it.”
“I figured that I did need to get you a REAL gift, though, so…” He reached for a jewelry box and opened it. It looked elegant, like fine jewelry - a set with a necklace, earrings, bracelet and a ring. “Shapeshifting jewelry!”
“I’m sorry, what kind?”
He put the ring onto his pinky, because it would not fit anywhere else and it lit up, then it reformed itself, unbuilding and then rebuilding to look like a skull and crossbones ring. She gasped. “It scans your body and gets a record of your outfit and accommodates it. Very fun technology to have.” He took it off and handed it back. She put it on her ring finger and once again, it reformed and became a cute, thin band with a tiny pink jewel.
“This is amazing! I’ve never seen it before.”
“Experimental tech being used for facial imagery reconstruction whenever supers get unmasked. I took the principles and put them in your jewelry!” He said, proud of himself. She was proud, too. She honestly had THEE BEST BOYFRIEND. “And, in case you felt like that was a little too much, or whatever, I have backup gifts of a simpler nature. There’s this coupon book of treats and services, yes several of them are sexual, because I made it and I can,” (she laughed) “There is this HUGE concentration candle, I mean… LOOK at this thing! Oh, and this.” He handed her some folded paper. “It’s a handwritten love letter, basically me being kind of a loser and telling you all of my feelings, but on paper, like a madman…”
“Yes,” she said, snatching it.
“Yes, I’m a madman?”
“No… Well… yes, but… yes, I’ll move into your comeback home after college graduation.” She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.
“To clarify… Was it the letter?”
“It was the… Max. You’re perfect, Dude. I just…” she shrugged and rested her head on him.
.
Whenever Charlotte made her way to the Man Cave, she heard the hijinks as soon as she stepped off of the elevator, and what she saw was four grown men and a young girl all fussing and covered in cake. “Did any of you save any cake?” She called from the elevator. They didn’t stop fussing or even seem to hear or notice her, so she looked around and saw a plate wrapped in saran wrap with assorted slices of cake, “I’m gonna presume that this is mine and leave with it if nobody notices that I’m here!” she called out. They were still fussing at each other and then Ray slapped Jasper in the face with a glob of icing, to which, Jasper growled and charged him and Schwoz, Henry and Piper, began to try to break it up, but all that could be seen was cake and icing flying everywhere. Charlotte left and whenever she did, she heard as the elevator door was closing, “Did any of you hear Charlotte’s voice?”
“Nice try, Henry! You don’t get away from this that easily!” Piper screamed.
“I honestly don’t want to know,” Charlotte told herself. But, she honestly did, too.
Shortly before Midnight, whenever she came back, everything was cleaned up and she announced, “Bringing back the plate!”
“SURPRISE!” Everyone jumped out and screamed, making her scream and drop the plate which shattered on the floor.
They ignored it and began to sing the happy birthday song to her, gathered around a cake platter that Schwoz was holding, only it had an amorphous cake on it, and could hardly hold the candles. It looked like a disaster from a cartoon. She blew out the candles and looked at them, suspiciously, “So, is this the only cake? What happened to the bake off?”
“Bake off?” Ray repeated. “We don’t have to prove that any of us are any better than the others. Besides, it’s YOUR birthday! Today was about you.”
“Did you all fight the entire time, have a huge cake fight, then gather up which pieces of cake that you could and cover it in icing to present as my birthday cake?” Everyone’s face showed that they were caught! That was EXACTLY what had happened. But Ray scoffed and said, “No! And quite frankly Charlotte, it is insulting that you would accuse us of such…”
“I saw you earlier. I took that plate of cake,” she pointed to the broken plate on the floor.
Henry began to fuss about how HE KNEW he’d heard her voice earlier, while Ray was fussing about the broken plate and Jasper was asking which cake was the best. Upon hearing that question, they all became more interested in that, “Yeah, which one? Which? Huh? Bet it was mine…”
“Ummm… they were all actually delicious, but I preferred the lemon one…”
“YES!” Jasper cheered and began to gloat in everybody’s face. “Max liked the chocolate one that tasted like a 5 year old just threw all their favorite things into a cake.”
“I TOLD ALL OF YOU THAT I AM THE CAKE COMMANDO!” Ray yelled. She figured that was his, because it was just a bunch of different chocolate things in a cake - chocolate cookie crumbles, chocolate chips, chocolate candy - she felt sick after one bite of that.
“Yeah, well, he’s probably gonna order one for his dad’s birthday.”
“Thunder Man? He’s still alive?” Ray asked.
Piper asked, “So… you didn’t like the pineapple right side up cake?”
“I did.”
“The chocolate covered strawberry cake was a delicious masterpiece!” Henry fussed.
“It was.”
Schwoz offered, “I think that you may have misjudged the dreamsicle and pickle cake.”
“I did not misjudge it, because I didn’t know what it was and refused to try it. Max said that he didn’t know how it worked, but it somehow did.”
SHe held out her hands, “I enjoyed everybody’s cake…” She pointed at Schwoz,’ “Except for yours.”
“Awwww,” he said, crestfallen.
“But, Jasper asked which one I thought was best and…”
“And she said it without much of a thought that she preferred the lemon icebox layered sponge cake with whipped white chocolate cream cheese icing. TOLD. YOU. GUYS!” He fist bumped her and she just laughed a little bit.
Henry commented, “I got beat with an egg beater for nothing.
“Not for nothing!” Charlotte said. “I completely want that chocolate covered strawberries cake programmed into the auto snacker for my next monthly.”
“My dreamsicle and pickle cake was the only one that used organic ingredients,” Schwoz pouted.
“I will NEVER try it. You won’t EVER tell me anything to make me try a Dreamsicle and pickle cake, Schwoz!” Charlotte said.
Jasper said, “Well… I’m gonna have some of this birthday cake,” and grabbed a plate and the cake cutter.
“Cut me a piece, too!” Henry asked. They all sat down and had a plate with fallen pieces of their various cakes on it and turned on a movie to watch.
“This was actually my best birthday in a while,” Charlotte noted. She didn’t need to go into detail about Max and how perfect he was. Her friends were all happy and full of cake and even that, in it’s own way, was equally as perfect.
0 notes
neshabeingchildish · 4 years
Text
Thunderstruck Birthday Girl
This is basically just self indulgent Charlotte love showering. I generally write Charlotte as an April Taurus, because of when her birthday episode aired, so I figured this is around the time that I can just do a little cute, fun, show of love and stuff, and also give her a chance to get some nice things. It is mostly just filler, but does have at least one important piece of story and I’ll get back to the crucial parts with the next installment. Tagging, so I don’t get fussed at lol @kiddangers @adorkable-blackgirl @chenoahchantel @famousflowermagazine I THINK that’s it? Sorry if there was someone else.
Share-a-Lair 16
Charlotte liked a lowkey birthday. Usually, she had brunch and cake with her parents and spent it with the guys in the evening. This year, Max made a bunch of plans for her, and she was curious to see how well he would do with this, so she planned to have brunch with her parents and told the guys that she would touch base with them later in the night. At some point during making plans, the boys got competitive via casual conversation and so she was told that they were going to have a bake off and that as the birthday girl, she would be able to determine who baked the best cake. “So, you’re gonna have like four cakes?” Max asked.
“Knowing the guys, not a single one of the cakes that they plan on making will make it, whether due to calamity or them just eating all of the cake.” But, if there was cake, she was definitely having some of each. 
After brunch, Max picked her up from the bistro, not really being that concerned that she wasn’t introducing him to her parents yet. He got a glimpse of them hugging her before leaving and they seemed extremely intimidating. He already didn’t like parents and hers were both successful in their own right and high maintenance from what he understood. Even the bistro that they were at was an exclusive place. Each guest had a personal server, and whenever the Pages came through, their Jamaican chef was given access to the kitchen to prepare their meals for special occasions. This morning, Charlotte had been presented with an authentic Jamaican breakfast and bottomless brunch drinks. Max couldn’t recall ever having had a brunch, much less one in an exclusive bistro, with a personal chef, personal server, and access to all of the bar. 
Superhero life paid extremely well, but it was more of a trade off, since one’s body and health was on the line with each mission. Charlotte’s father was a physicist and spent more time working than he did at home. Her mother was a college chancellor and was home just as much as her husband, even though her job was only about an hour away. They tried to make up for the blank spaces with extravagant gifts and expensive celebrations, but Charlotte was simply always happy just to be able to see both of them at once for a little bit of time, even though half of it was generally spent with her having to update them on exactly how her educational career was going and have enough accolades and credentials to account for the time she couldn’t tell them about as a hero’s tech specialist. Learning that made Max understand her overachiever complex a little bit better, but he wanted the rest of her birthday to be as relaxing and rewarding as possible.
He took the scenic route back to the lair and she leaned her seat back and rested, watching everything and listening to a playlist that he made for her. He had several. One for when she goes to sleep, one for her workday, one for when she studied, etc. This one was one that he made for car trips with her. One of his favorite things about doing stuff for her was that she always noticed. The first time he’d made her a playlist, she’d said, “You had to have made this thing specifically for me, right?” He wanted to deny it, but noticed how excited that made her and confessed. It was an amazing feeling to do something for someone special and have them not only not take it for granted, but to really appreciate it. Max didn’t always receive that from his loved ones, but he usually did from Charlotte. He was confident that she was going to LOVE her birthday time with him.
She liked being around a lot of people less than he did. So, where he might be down for a party with his friends and loved ones, she was more like her family was over here for this amount of time, and her friends over there, for that amount of time. Everything and everybody had their time and place. 
But, she told him not too long ago, “I never get tired of being around you though. It’s like… you’re practically a part of me.” She said it all casually, matter of factly. He couldn’t even hear her emotion in it, but he definitely started crying. Then there was this whole thing where she thought that maybe she said the wrong thing and tried to comfort him and apologize and explain better, “I’m not saying that you aren’t your own person or anything, just that like… my life is comfortable no matter how much of you is in it…” He had to compose himself to let her know that he was happy to hear it, not upset. He also apologized for crying, because damn… that couldn’t be sexy. Turns out, it was… as long as it’s warranted and not over every little thing! So, that was bonus scores for him.
.
Max made Henry “be scarce” from the lair for today, which was fine by him, because he had to “Serve these fools in the cakes department, anyway!” And Max just… Didn’t even WANT to know what that meant, but was relieved to later find out that it was about baking cakes and not the booty shaking contest that his brain automatically convinced him it would be. So, whenever Charlotte walked in and the place was set up like a spa, she gasped. “What’s happening?”
“You always want to grab a spa day, but you’ve cancelled like a dozen times because of work demands. So, I set up a home spa day for you… I did get funding from Dr. Page and Dr. Page, but they knew that you deserved it and since Henry asked, they just wired it to your birthday fund.”
“You and Henry got money from my parents for a birthday spa day for me?”
“I sent Henry to get money, yes. Is that alright?”
She covered her face, “That is SO SWEET! They could have eaten him alive. They’re very inquisitive people.”
“I sent him with an outline of all of the plans,” he said, with a shrug.
“You know me so well that you know how my parents are, even though I haven’t introduced you yet!” She was thunderstruck. He took her bags and handed her a robe and slippers…
After her spa treatment day, complete with Max playing guitar and singing her some songs during interludes while she waited for something to dry or settle, or whatever, she felt brand new. She hadn’t realized how stressed she’d been, even though Max does stuff for her whenever he can, she obviously had still been hella stressed out - probably because of Russia, graduation, Jasper and Henry, spa days being cancelled… But, she NEEDED this and Max giving her what she needed, right on time? She would miss that when he was gone. Now, she was sad for a moment.
“Time for gift presentation!” He said, distracting her from missing him before he was gone. She perked up, skin radiant, silky smooth curls popping, and her smile beaming. She was still in her robe and had her spa day swag bag next to her, which were packages of the products used today in her spa day treatment and also products from the spa that supplied the materials. “First of all, we have…” he spun his finger around and the kitchen island rotated to reveal where he had hidden all of her gifts, apparently (and she had forgotten that this lair had many secret areas, but he obviously hadn’t). He reached for a huge bag and beckoned it to her. “From the Hart household, warmth and comfort in the form of new silk sheets and pillowcases, plus fuzzy blankets and bamboo pillows!” 
“YES!” She had been saying she needed these forever, but not getting around to ordering any because other stuff seemed more important everything she thought about it. She LIVED for luxury, though, she often talked herself out of it. 
“From Henry, himself, an assortment of fine chocolates, a wine drinking accessories set, and a collection of gourmet cheeses.”
“Ooooh… He must’ve gone into his hero funds for this!” She said, pulling things out of Henry’s gift bag.
“He did!” Max cheered. “Jasper got you…” He gave her the bucket, wrapped kind of like an Easter basket, “A stationary pail.” There was something weird in his voice. He probably had asked Jasper to get something else and Jasper was having none of it. 
She opened it to see a personal planner, a personalized pen and journal set, scented stickers, sticky pads, etc and she squealed. “He got them to match the scheme of my home office whenever I set up my new place after college!” Max furrowed his eyebrows and she explained, “You see, Max… You are very smart and pay attention to detail, but Jasper has known me for a really long time and sometimes has even the most menial of my lifestyle choices down pat.”
“Your work dads got you tickets to the Graduation Concert Festival,” he said, handing her an envelope and ignoring the declaration about Jasper. “My parents got you a kitchen set for your post graduation apartment… Well… actually, my Cousin Blobbin did, but it was my mom’s idea. Cookware and appliances!” 
“That’s… nice!” She said. She had just realized that she hadn’t gotten anything for that, yet. Just an electric kettle, a spice rack, and whatever she was going to cop from her parents’ kitchen. This was a much better situation! She had a few more pretty great gifts that she appreciated, then they were down to the last few, which were all from Max. He sat down next to her and she set aside everything that she had and let him hold both of her hands, wondering why it got so serious all of a sudden.
“Charlotte… The past months that I’ve known you have been amazing to me. Even before we got together, just looking forward to experiencing and learning you everyday has been everything that I’ve ever wanted from another person. : Hesighed and looked at their hands, “I’m officially scheduled to go to Russia for three years.” His shoulders sank. “And I know that you plan to visit and that we plan to continue long distance, but that’s still so tentative for me and scary - the thought of you being tasked with waiting on me to come back. But…” He looked over at the counter and floated something to himself, “If you want, you can stay in my comeback home.” He handed her a set of keys with a SuperMax keychain attached to it. “I know that you’ve been looking for apartments and this is actually a house, but…”
“You are asking me to move in with you for 3 years from now?” She asked.
“No! I’m asking you to move in now and get comfortable and make it your own, then whenever I’m back… we can get used to living together again, and you’ll already be set.” Her eyes widened, “But, if you don’t want to, I understand! We haven’t even been together for a year and who knows how Russia will change us.” He pressed a button on the remote on her keys and a holographic image of the house projected from it, “But, if you want to, I’m welcoming you to.” It was an elevated house on top of pillars, a garden with stair rails on either side and a carport. “And you’ll have full access to my underground lab and lair.” 
“This is a super cute house,” she said, in a tiny voice. “And a very sweet notion. I’ll… think about it…” Sensibly, she and Max had not been together long enough for this move, but also, their circumstances were special. They lived together already, basically, and their timeline was rushed for a number of reasons… But, just living with him alone, and actually moving in and keeping it while he was on tour was… a lot that she had to rationally comb through. He understood, and was grateful that she didn’t flat out say no and tell him that he was crazy for thinking she���d even want to.
“On a lighter note!” He changed the subject, “I present to you, some of my most inspired works of art…” He gave her a portfolio of several portraits that he had done of her, some very casual and cool, some extremely detailed and graphic, some as herself, some reimagined in other forms and styles. “They’re mostly from the pining days,” he said, bashfully. “But, I’m working on a big piece to hang in the comeback house.” She flipped through pages of her face, beautifully rendered and covered her heart.
“These are really good, Max.”
“I usually just draw project schematics and costumes, but I was having a phase where every time I tried, I had to draw you first, or I’d be distracted the whole time.
“I love it.”
“I figured that I did need to get you a REAL gift, though, so…” He reached for a jewelry box and opened it. It looked elegant, like fine jewelry - a set with a necklace, earrings, bracelet and a ring. “Shapeshifting jewelry!” 
“I’m sorry, what kind?”
He put the ring onto his pinky, because it would not fit anywhere else and it lit up, then it reformed itself, unbuilding and then rebuilding to look like a skull and crossbones ring. She gasped. “It scans your body and gets a record of your outfit and accommodates it. Very fun technology to have.” He took it off and handed it back. She put it on her ring finger and once again, it reformed and became a cute, thin band with a tiny pink jewel. 
“This is amazing! I’ve never seen it before.”
“Experimental tech being used for facial imagery reconstruction whenever supers get unmasked. I took the principles and put them in your jewelry!” He said, proud of himself. She was proud, too. She honestly had THEE BEST BOYFRIEND. “And, in case you felt like that was a little too much, or whatever, I have backup gifts of a simpler nature. There’s this coupon book of treats and services, yes several of them are sexual, because I made it and I can,” (she laughed) “There is this HUGE concentration candle, I mean… LOOK at this thing! Oh, and this.” He handed her some folded paper. “It’s a handwritten love letter, basically me being kind of a loser and telling you all of my feelings, but on paper, like a madman…” 
“Yes,” she said, snatching it.
“Yes, I’m a madman?”
“No… Well… yes, but… yes, I’ll move into your comeback home after college graduation.” She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. 
“To clarify… Was it the letter?”
“It was the... Max. You’re perfect, Dude. I just…” she shrugged and rested her head on him. 
.
Whenever Charlotte made her way to the Man Cave, she heard the hijinks as soon as she stepped off of the elevator, and what she saw was four grown men and a young girl all fussing and covered in cake. “Did any of you save any cake?” She called from the elevator. They didn’t stop fussing or even seem to hear or notice her, so she looked around and saw a plate wrapped in saran wrap with assorted slices of cake, “I’m gonna presume that this is mine and leave with it if nobody notices that I’m here!” she called out. They were still fussing at each other and then Ray slapped Jasper in the face with a glob of icing, to which, Jasper growled and charged him and Schwoz, Henry and Piper, began to try to break it up, but all that could be seen was cake and icing flying everywhere. Charlotte left and whenever she did, she heard as the elevator door was closing, “Did any of you hear Charlotte’s voice?”
“Nice try, Henry! You don’t get away from this that easily!” Piper screamed. 
“I honestly don’t want to know,” Charlotte told herself. But, she honestly did, too.
Shortly before Midnight, whenever she came back, everything was cleaned up and she announced, “Bringing back the plate!” 
“SURPRISE!” Everyone jumped out and screamed, making her scream and drop the plate which shattered on the floor. 
They ignored it and began to sing the happy birthday song to her, gathered around a cake platter that Schwoz was holding, only it had an amorphous cake on it, and could hardly hold the candles. It looked like a disaster from a cartoon. She blew out the candles and looked at them, suspiciously, “So, is this the only cake? What happened to the bake off?”
“Bake off?” Ray repeated. “We don’t have to prove that any of us are any better than the others. Besides, it’s YOUR birthday! Today was about you.”
“Did you all fight the entire time, have a huge cake fight, then gather up which pieces of cake that you could and cover it in icing to present as my birthday cake?” Everyone’s face showed that they were caught! That was EXACTLY what had happened. But Ray scoffed and said, “No! And quite frankly Charlotte, it is insulting that you would accuse us of such…”
“I saw you earlier. I took that plate of cake,” she pointed to the broken plate on the floor.
Henry began to fuss about how HE KNEW he’d heard her voice earlier, while Ray was fussing about the broken plate and Jasper was asking which cake was the best. Upon hearing that question, they all became more interested in that, “Yeah, which one? Which? Huh? Bet it was mine…” 
“Ummm… they were all actually delicious, but I preferred the lemon one…”
“YES!” Jasper cheered and began to gloat in everybody’s face. “Max liked the chocolate one that tasted like a 5 year old just threw all their favorite things into a cake.”
“I TOLD ALL OF YOU THAT I AM THE CAKE COMMANDO!” Ray yelled. She figured that was his, because it was just a bunch of different chocolate things in a cake - chocolate cookie crumbles, chocolate chips, chocolate candy - she felt sick after one bite of that.
“Yeah, well, he’s probably gonna order one for his dad’s birthday.”
“Thunder Man? He’s still alive?” Ray asked. 
Piper asked, “So… you didn’t like the pineapple right side up cake?”
“I did.”
“The chocolate covered strawberry cake was a delicious masterpiece!” Henry fussed.
“It was.”
Schwoz offered, “I think that you may have misjudged the dreamsicle and pickle cake.”
“I did not misjudge it, because I didn’t know what it was and refused to try it. Max said that he didn’t know how it worked, but it somehow did.”
SHe held out her hands, “I enjoyed everybody’s cake…” She pointed at Schwoz,’ “Except for yours.”
“Awwww,” he said, crestfallen.
“But, Jasper asked which one I thought was best and…”
“And she said it without much of a thought that she preferred the lemon icebox layered sponge cake with whipped white chocolate cream cheese icing. TOLD. YOU. GUYS!” He fist bumped her and she just laughed a little bit.
Henry commented, “I got beat with an egg beater for nothing.
“Not for nothing!” Charlotte said. “I completely want that chocolate covered strawberries cake programmed into the auto snacker for my next monthly.” 
“My dreamsicle and pickle cake was the only one that used organic ingredients,” Schwoz pouted.
“I will NEVER try it. You won’t EVER tell me anything to make me try a Dreamsicle and pickle cake, Schwoz!” Charlotte said. 
Jasper said, “Well… I’m gonna have some of this birthday cake,” and grabbed a plate and the cake cutter. 
“Cut me a piece, too!” Henry asked. They all sat down and had a plate with fallen pieces of their various cakes on it and turned on a movie to watch. 
“This was actually my best birthday in a while,” Charlotte noted. She didn’t need to go into detail about Max and how perfect he was. Her friends were all happy and full of cake and even that, in it’s own way, was equally as perfect.
18 notes · View notes
twotwinks · 4 years
Text
a thing i was tagged in a long time ago by @rochc93. i am, believe it or not, attempting to catch up on these things. i always intend to do them but it’s either not a good time when i think about them or i’m not thinking about them. sorry i’m a mess
Who were you named after?
First name, nobody bitch. That’s all me. Middle name, like twenty different characters who are important to me but all on accident because I didn’t realize we shared the name until after I’d picked it. Notable instances include Rita Rose Vrataski from Edge of Tomorrow and also Amy Rose (a recent discovery). Last name, Gary King and also because I like confusing people about my gender by deliberately using a “male” title while presenting female (though hopefully not for much longer) and also being nonbinary. (Also s/o to ladies who call themselves king instead of queen. Yes I’m thinking of Kagamine Rin in the WanOpo songs Death Should Not Have Taken Thee and Our Adventure Log Has Vanished.)
Last time you cried?
two weeks ago to the day, when my dad let our dog Koko get hit by a car, things have been Extra Bad around here since then
Do you like your handwriting?
No. When I was little everyone always used to tell me how pretty it was but then I started trying to be a Serious Writer and my penmanship degraded as a result of how fast I had to get the words out of my head. Now my mom whines all the time about how messy and illegible my writing is.
What is your favorite lunch meat?
TURKEY
Longest relationship?
Umm....about two years ago for about three months-ish? I think? Maybe two months? I don’t know, we were dating for Christmas and then I broke up with him right before Valentine’s Day because my mental health couldn’t take it. I realized I was aro shortly after. Who would’ve guessed, huh?
Do you still have your tonsils?
Yep!
Do you bungee jump?
no and i never will
What is your favorite kind of cereal?
Dude this changes like monthly. Sometimes Honey Bunches of Oats. Sometimes Frosted Flakes. Sometimes I get a ridiculously strong craving for Strawberry Awake or Lucky Charms or Honey Nut Cheerios. I just get to eat cereal so infrequently that I can’t really have a favorite, I just have to indulge whatever craving I currently have because I only get the chance to eat one box every three months or so.
Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Yes because when I was little my mom ingrained into me that not untying my shoes first would ruin the backs of them way faster than they should. In all fairness we were poor and couldn’t afford to buy me new shoes that often because my feet are so sensitive that an actual comfortable pair costs $100.
Do you think you’re strong willed?
oh fuck no i mean have you ever spoken to me??? i’m the biggest baby pushover to ever live
Favorite ice cream?
Either that Death by Chocolate stuff they serve at Purdue’s dining courts sometimes or mint chocolate chip. It has to be green though or it loses something sdkhsdhk
What is the first thing you notice about a person?
Usually like their shirt, I guess? I don’t know, this isn’t something I’ve ever really thought about. Maybe it’s also if they have one of those annoying faces or voices. Or if they have a queer vibe. Look I’m not good with people ok.
Football or baseball?
Football but only because marching band and/or soccer
Favorite doughnut?
Okay this is going to sound weirdly specific but. Chocolate cake donut with chocolate frosting and rainbow sprinkles. Also on a related note I once let a girl in high school copy my homework (that I myself had found the answers to on the internet, it was a really unfair English assignment). She was so happy that she said she’d buy me a donut for breakfast the next day (she made a donut run for herself once a week as a special treat). I gave her my oddly specific request, but since I knew it was kind of a rare donut to find I told her anything chocolate would work. The next day, lo and behold, she showed up with the perfect donut. She had them make it special for me (insert Discord’s pleading face emoji). That was the day I learned my lesson about judging “dumb blondes”.
What music are you listening to?
I’ve been back into Touhou doujin arrangements again lately, especially eurobeat. However I’m also hyperfixating on Sonic the Hedgehog again so the game soundtracks and the Crush 40 albums are starting to show up in my frequent rotation on Spotify.
If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
The obvious choice is mint green but I could also very easily be a lime green or a glittery ruby slippers red.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
I believe I talked to my grandma a little bit on my mom’s phone not that long ago? Other than that according to my phone it looks like I took a call from my dad back in April?
Hair color?
that real deep almost black brown. i nearly got into a fistfight with some boys in second grade who insisted my hair was black. it’s not black it’s just very thick. it actually looks much lighter if you just separate a smaller chunk and look at it.
Eye color?
Hazel. Brown with some green flecks. Or possibly green with some brown flecks. Also both of my irises look different up close but you can’t tell unless you’re really up in my face.
Favorite food to eat?
pasta but it can’t have red sauce
Scary movies or happy endings?
happy endings all the way
Last film you watched in the cinema?
do you really expect me to remember this. i honestly do not fucking know. i have no brain when it comes to movie theaters. i was gonna do a double feature of birds of prey and the sonic movie the tuesday before spring break (cheap prices for students!!!) but i ended up having a headache that day so i couldn’t go and then shit hit the fan and there was no theatergoing. i have tried and failed to get my parents to rent the sonic movie since. i’m very unhappy about it now that i’m hyperfixating again.
What color shirt are you wearing?
well i think it used to be white but it’s really old so now it’s like off-white. also it has a big snake on the back. i don’t even like snakes i just enjoy this shirt.
Favorite holiday?
Christmas!!! I don’t necessarily actually enjoy celebrating the holiday (thanks fam) but I love the idea behind it and the aesthetics. Also it’s peppermint season!
Beer or wine?
Listen I am super picky about alcohol. I haven’t liked any of the wine I’ve tried, but the first two wines I had other people told me it was bad (and then they took me out and bought me alcohol I would actually like because I’d never drank before and apparently getting me tipsy in Ireland over spring break was an Honor for them I literally didn’t pay for a single drink that night) and the third wine I had was paired with the wrong type of food (we couldn’t get the Right wine bottle open). I didn’t really mind the beer I tried in Ireland though, so I guess beer? I really like cider best though, and apparently I can also handle vodka.
Night owl or morning person?
night owl i wish i could be nocturnal
Favorite day of the week?
Friday. It has all the joy and anticipation of the coming weekend without the curse of my dad being home or the responsibility of homework looming over everything.
Favorite animal?
HEDGEHOG yeah i never really got past that from when i was little. but i also just love pretty much all animals. except like. snakes and spiders but sometimes snakes have their moments.
Do you have a pet?
Yeah. We have a lot of “family” pets but I consider Patches (cat) and Gabby (dog) to be Mine Specifically. If my mom hadn’t forced me out of therapy I’d probably be bringing Patches with me to college next year as an emotional support animal.
Where would you like to travel?
Europe babey. I just wanna hang out in France and England and Scotland and also go back to Ireland. I miss Ireland so much y’all.
ok that’s it. that’s all for this one. i’m not tagging anyone because i’m sure it’s already made the rounds among everyone. but if it missed you and you still wanna do it go for it. consider yourself tagged. poof.
2 notes · View notes
daphuu · 4 years
Note
10-15! :D
I had to get out my laptop for this, and you wouldn’t believe the absolute brainfart I had just now. I couldn’t remember my email OR my password. Thankfully I managed to remember my password, change my password, change my email, and log in after like fifteen minutes of fiddling. ANYWAY!
10. What song sums up this year for you? Rainbow Connection. Yeah, the Kermit song. Yep. I’ve been introspective asf this year. I’ve always had big dreams: Write a book! Publish! Make money! But lately I’ve been thinking about love, of all things. I’ve never considered myself much of a romantic--sure, I’ve had my share of romantic relationships in the past, but they weren’t life-shattering or world-altering, you know? I think I’m ready to settle down and start my next adventure with a life partner. I just don’t even know where to begin!! Starting a family and a life in a forever-home is hard when I have troubles connecting my brain and heart. Anyway, yeah: Rainbow Connection. I’m ready for my next adventure, I’m ready for something new and amazing, and I’m being as optimistic as I can about it this year. Yeah. Oof, rambling. Anyway!
11. What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then? I’m going to have to go with the Frozen 2 soundtrack, tbh. Oof. I’ve just been listening to it so much! I can’t stop! I relate so hard to “Into the Unknown,” and I, too, feel ready to fling myself into some unknown adventure for various reasons. Honestly? I just love the Frozen 2 music!
12. What was your favorite movie of the year? There were so many good ones this year! How could you ask me this question?!? The biggest problem with trying to answer this question is that I see an average of one new movie a week at the theater. Yep, you read that correctly! I have an ongoing Sunday brunch-date with my dad that has been a tradition since I was in high school. Every Sunday (or close to it--we miss around 6-9 Sundays a year, but that’s still 43-46 new movies per year) we go out to lunch and see a movie together. Sometimes we’ll do a back-to-back feature where we watch one movie and then immediately go into another (we buy our tickets, of course; we aren’t animals) and sometimes we miss weekends (weddings, events, sickness, work, etc.) but we try to maintain this tradition as best we can! I’ve kept every movie stub from when we started this tradition, and I’ve kept them all in various baggies and safes and whatnot. I’m pretty sure I’ve lost some during moves, but they aren’t the important part, you know? I just like keeping up with my dad like this.
But that didn’t answer your question! I’m not sure I can. Off the top of my head I think of Knives Out and Ready or Not, but those just happen to be the last two movies I’ve watched with my mother! AHHH! Honestly, though, I’ve watched both of them at least twice now, and I plan on seeing Knives Out with my dad again soon. We might make this weekend one where we see a new movie and then go see Knives Out again if the movie sucks. xD
13. Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year? YES! Okay, I’ve seen plenty of movies with frickin’ Idris Elba in it, but I’ve never really noticed him. He was just some random actor to me for the longest time, but then he did the bad guy in freakin’ Hobbs & Shaw and I suddenly and intensely noticed him. He’s??? He’s like kinda attractive? I didn’t know what to do. I was looking up images of him and movies with him in it and freaking out about him? Yeah. He just took me by surprise, I guess. I don’t normally find myself looking at male actors with such enthusiasm, so let that be a testament to how weirdly and absurdly attractive this man is. What the heck. Why. Can you not mess with my poor ace brain? It h u r t s. HAHA
14. Favorite new TV show? Oooooof. Good Omens was hnnnnng~~~! I enjoyed that one waaaay too much. I’ve been a long time Terry Pratchett fan, and seeing the adapted show on Prime was enough to make me cry. Then I watched them, and that made me cry, too. I don’t watch the actual telly much, so I hope this counts!!! I don’t watch shows much, either. My life revolves around Achievement Hunter, fanfics, and anime, tbh. I work a bit on the side. pfffffft
15. Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears? FCUKING THIS ONE?! Fucking heck, so--sO! I wasn’t really a part of the FAHC fandom until this year. I’ve been reading like harry potter fanfics and stuff since I was in middle school and watching/enjoying AH videos (including gta) for a few years, too, but it took my friend sending me a link to some AO3 FAHC fic for me to get hooked into this actual fandom. A fan I’ve been, a member I’ve not. Here I am! HELLO! I’ve been reading the most amazing things in this fandom, too. Fuck, I love it here. I truly do. I rarely come across something that isn’t good on its own, you know? Like I’ve read some truly Fucked Up Fics in this fandom because duh, but I’ve read some fics so beautiful and sweet or heartbreaking and angsty that I’ve cried, I’ve read some fics so outrageously funny or subtly hilarious that one time I nearly vomited from laughing too hard, don’t @ me I’ve laughed, and I’ve read some HELLA long fics that were like 500k but only took me a few days to read because I may have called in sick falsely one day couldn’t bring myself to put this shit down, yo. Like? Y’know? Those fics that are just too good what the fuck can you not absolutely amazing and don’t let you focus on anything else SO ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER (specifically Fake AH Crew) FANDOM FTW
omg i’m so sorry this turned out so long aHHHH I rambled a lot anyway hi hello thanks for asking, friend!!! <3 <3
End of Year Meme Asks
3 notes · View notes
ganymedesclock · 6 years
Note
So did you see the "ice popsicle" teaser? It's supposed to be foreshadowing one of the darker moments of Season 7. Do you have any theories on what it could mean? There are people who think it's foreshadowing that Pidge will betray the team, but I can't bring myself to believe that's true.
I saw the ice pop thing, and the version I saw was hypothesizing that Pidge would be captured, which I find far more likely than Pidge turning traitor.
Let’s just, for the moment, take every other reason Pidge wouldn’t- solidarity and teamwork and friendship and how much Pidge loves her friends and loves her family and would have every reason to resent anybody still fighting for Zarkon’s cause- clear the table of all that, and just poke at the practical.
Tumblr media
What’s the empire got right now that Pidge wants bad enough to sell out her second family for it?
‘Cause just from where I’m sitting... not much.
Earth’s safety? Oh, pshyeah, like Sendak and Haggar are gonna actually keep their word and not get itchy fingers for the keys to Voltron. Pidge specifically has been around that song and dance especially when it comes to her family, and what she learned from that was that Zarkon is a dirty liar and it’s fair to assume his lovely wife and the person he practically raised as his own are gonna be about the same.
Heck, that kinda puts a damper on Pidge even seriously considering any olive branch Haggar or Sendak might wave at her- because the last time Pidge even considered taking them up on an offer, it was baited with probably the most valuable thing Pidge could ever imagine, and they burned her, bad. That makes me pretty sure the only time Pidge would really go for an offer Haggar would seem to make would be if she’s also seeking to fulfill an unspoken term of “and in return you will conveniently put your back in my taserin’ range”
Especially if the empire tries to pull a hostage situation with Earth... that’s not gonna be surprising or shocking to any of the team. They’ve been taking it as a given since season 1 that the empire is factually going to come for Earth. The word Allura uses in the very first episode is “inevitable”. Pidge hugged her dad goodbye and sent him home because everybody’s on the same page that the empire’s gonna attack Earth. And if they try to suggest hostage swaps... again, Pidge is the last person who’d look seriously at that bait because s5e2 is basically a case study in “Zarkon is a double-crossing cheat”.
And Sendak? Sendak’s literally named his faction the most blatantly white supremacist sounding bullshit ever- the “purity” he’s touting is no non-galra, no mixed race galra- and definitely no galra who ideologically disagree with Sendak’s game plan, either. There’s nowhere in this ideology that even the most fawning sycophant who’s not a “pure” galra could survive. And Pidge is the furthest thing from a fawning sycophant. She’s done a lot of damage to the empire and to Sendak personally- he’s not going to forget for a second how much of a threat she is. Even if he had any intention of genuinely negotiating, he’s not going to be satisfied until Pidge is muzzled and defanged in every conceivable way.
Pidge betraying the team isn’t a plot twist, it’s a stupid mistake. Her selling out Lotor in s5e2 was understandable because Zarkon was demanding someone she didn’t trust or care about and threatening the safety of someone who’s been half her driving motivation since the first episode in exchange- and that made her desperate enough to overlook how obviously likely it would be that Zarkon would double-cross them. If you’re not convinced she wouldn’t make the same mistake twice, I’d rewatch s5e2 and the way Pidge screams when she passes through the hologram of her father.
Pidge is going to do things that work or that at least seem reasonable from where she’s sitting. She’s gonna do something that she has a reason to believe or at least hope it’ll work out in her favor.
Right now? Empire’s got nothin’ on her.
Now, it is possible Pidge might cut an under-the-table deal with someone else, however.
Tumblr media
The generals can nicely dodge a lot of the problems that Pidge would have with the main empire- namely the one where “I have no reason to believe you’re not immediately gonna double-cross me within point five seconds because you hate my entire existence and I’m your number one enemy.”
The whole of Team Sincline dances an interesting line of antiheroics- unlike Zarkon, Sendak, and Haggar, Sincline is able to prove reasonable to the heroes’ sensibilities, and depending on how the situation is, and where everybody stands? We’ve seen that long-term alliances between members can hold pretty strongly- at least, strong enough Allura, who’s nobody’s idiot, actually tried to start a relationship with Lotor.
And the Generals actually have some pretty good rep at this point- because when Lotor went hog wild attacking the paladins, the Generals disengaged. They backed off where he didn’t- and that’s something they could point to, if they had to thaw the heart of someone holding Lotor’s actions against them.
The generals could also have an easier ratio of offering Pidge something she couldn’t otherwise get, something really worthwhile- because they’re all about procuring unusual resources through sneaky channels.
Of course, the other side of this is it could be the Generals involved... but they might not be asking. Or offering.
It’s canon that magical entities, like the Black Lion, to save someone from death by taking their spirit into themselves. Presumably Black could do this for Shiro because he was right with them when he died and they had a mind-to-mind connection.
Tumblr media
When Narti was killed, the camera lingered heavily on Kova, to the point that it returned to showing him next to Narti’s body at a point when every other character had abandoned the cruiser and was far away from it.
Kova also has a mind-to-mind connection with Narti and was right there with her when she died.
Narti is pretty clearly Pidge’s opposite number out of Team Sincline- the infiltrating, stealth-based “hacker”. This is something I’ve found suspicious for a while- since they obviously went out of their way to invoke her with Sincline’s final assembled form, and set her up parallel to a paladin, but her arc “seems” incomplete- which I don’t think is a testament to bad writing since no other dead character in the series, even ones who could have had interesting potential like Trigel, Gyrgan, and Blaytz feel unfinished in this way.
Especially because, again- Shiro’s return raises significant implications on Narti.
Double especially because the ships that shoot tethers at the paladins in the s7 trailer are a specific, recognizable party: both the opening that fires the grapple, and the tether itself, are obviously from the rotating-wing fighter ships used only by Lotor and the Generals.
Since the four surviving members of Team Sincline took the Sincline ships with them when they fled in s4e3, they left those ships behind on the cruiser. We haven’t seen them since- just like we haven’t seen the cruiser, implying it wasn’t retrieved.
This would imply that in order to get those fighters again, the generals would have had to return to the ship, finding Kova.
Kova, who has a decent chance of being a living phylactery for Narti, now that we know that’s possible.
So, okay, you might be saying, but what does this have to do with Pidge?
Well, I’ve already aired my theory the generals are going to be trying to steal the Lions and use them to enter the rift to retrieve Lotor. This would be emphasized if they’ve got Narti back- because Kova was specifically shown reacting with what looked like kitty concern to Zarkon declaring Lotor an enemy of the empire. If Narti’s in there, the implication is she’s worried about Lotor, even after he cut her down.
Pidge loves little cute animals. Her dog at home, the bunnies on the Green Lion’s planet, the fluffballs from the trash yard- she even adopted a few of them! She’d at least be likely to drop her guard around Kova.
And in s4e2, a repeated emphasis was placed that the Holts trust their minds, more than anything else- because as Matt smugly tells Pidge, you can hack a computer, but not a mind.
This always stuck out to me as a piece of dramatic irony... because before that episode, we’d seen Narti do just that.
Tumblr media
Throk didn’t have the passwords for the Ulippa system base written down anywhere, or stored in a computer. He kept them in his mind. Narti used that. Because as Pidge’s counterpart, Narti is the specialist of Team Sincline when it comes to getting information- but she cracks brains the way Pidge cracks computers. And all she needs is a touch.
The paladins, of course... have no idea Narti can do that. During their allegiance, Lotor would have no reason to warn them about the powers of a woman who he personally knows died, and we don’t have much evidence he talked about the Generals at all.
It’s fair to assume if Narti escaped death by fleeing into Kova’s body, then she took her powers with her. So you have a cute, harmless looking cat, you have Pidge who is unlikely to look an unexpected friendly kitty in the mouth, and- just that easily you could have a paladin controlled. Which I think would be a much more effective shock because rather than “oh no a paladin’s being Tempted To The Dark Side” which they’re not really gonna get far on because these guys are basically tethered together to the waist by the Power of Friendship and there’s only so far you can toddle away from the group before you get bungee’d back, it’s “oh no our heroes are not as invincible as we’re comfortable believing they are and we have no idea how generous the responsible party is feeling.”
148 notes · View notes
izzy-b-hands · 6 years
Text
K screw it we’re talking about the TV show. I have an idea of a title, but it isn’t set in stone, but maybe I can tag it with that, so if you don’t wanna see this stuff you can blacklist it?? Y’know what, let’s go with this one: ‘aly’s show in progress’. I searched it first to make sure it doesn’t coincide with anything else on here as a tag, lol. 
If you guys read this all (and it is a lot, lol) and wanna talk about it, have thoughts, or just like the idea of it and wanna let me know, please do. Any feedback on this baby of mine makes me so happy. 
Also, I’ll throw the rest of this behind a cut so if I ramble it won’t take up as much room for y’all. 
Guys if I had a way to make this now, I so would. I even have bits of soundtracks ready to go (orchestral backing tracks--the theme song I keep hemming and hawing on who should create it, but probably not me, lol.) I know they say don’t share your stuff in progress, but right now this is such a far shot from ever being produced that I feel safe in talking about it (also because like with all my other works that I have planned to sell or produce, I’m getting copyright on just to be safe.)
So to be honest, I can’t recall how much I’ve written about it on here, and it is 12:30 AM and I can’t be bothered to search my own blog so we’re starting from scratch. 
Working title is Liminal Space--a show about people who have no reason to be together in the place they are, but that’s where they’ve ended up. For now, they can’t seem to leave (that’s elaborated on further in the series) and why would they--when food is somehow replenished, and money isn’t a concern to survive. Sure, the woods sometimes glow and strange people and creatures keep showing up, but every place has something weird, right?
Specifically, we focus on a set of adult characters-names come about within the first few episodes, but in the credits they are noted as their roles in what is essentially a drive thru town-an abandoned school, a two-level hotel/restaurant set up, a wildly unnecessary car sales lot and building, an abandoned cabin, woods, and a haunted house that magically appears one day. All of this facing a highway (the haunted house on one side of it, everything else on the other.) 
Our main cast consists of: 
The Kids--A boy and a girl, about six and ten respectively. They are literally found by the Waitress one day near the highway, and since no one appears to claim them, the town just sort of adopts them. This means everything from home schooling them about a world that no one else really remembers for sure, plus keeping them safe from the weird shit that goes on in the town. Is it a lot for two kids? Yeah, but they could have been dead on the edge of the highway, so things are pretty good overall for them. Not sure on who to cast for these either, since young kids might outgrow the roles pretty quick--plus they might not be in every episode, if only to allow for some scarier plot lines and more serious topics to be addressed. They end up rooming in the haunted house, via a secret tunnel and a plot line in one of the very first episodes.
The Waitress--unsure of cast member. It keeps rotating between various actresses and musicians, to be honest. She works at the restaurant/hotel, despite it never really having customers (except for a few episodes with guest stars.) Nobody questions how or why they keep it running--it gives her something to do, and she gets to chat up the Pianist (which is a big Plot Point later on in the series so I will only elaborate so far here lol.) Rooms at the restaurant/hotel, in whatever room will open each night (the keys to all the rooms aren’t always there.) 
The Pianist--Johannes. In part because I have no clue if he can play piano or not, but if he can’t then we get a silly in-joke here that the Pianist is supposed to play at the restaurant/hotel where the Waitress works...but then we never see him play it. This character is a lot of dry wit, and I feel like he’d carry that well. Rooms in the restaurant/hotel, sometimes in an actual room, sometimes under his piano on the floor if he’s writing music and no one (read: the Waitress) puts his ass to bed.
 A quick key thing to note about any cast members--they don’t have to change how they look outside of the show, aka no band members have to chop off their hair or anything like that to play their role. What they look like outside the show, is how their character appears. 
The Teacher--Henrik. He’s a little bit quieter a person, just like this character. He also seems to have a knack for reactions (aka every photo of him making a face or video of him rolling his eyes dramatically suggests he’s someone who can actually use his face to act and not overdo it.) That’s what I want from this character--when shit’s going down, he’s the book smart person in the room; he’ll help look up and figure out a solution, but we get to see him rolling his eyes or giving us some reaction that suggests he isn’t doing this passively (I also have some choice sarcastic lines for him--the ones that aren’t supposed to hit you until a beat has passed, then you and the other characters realize they just got burned horribly.) He is the one who gets to try and home school The Kids, despite only have a few books to work with--but he’s smart enough to teach them a lot of things without text books, and generally dislikes the ones they have since a. half of them are out of date and incorrect or b. show info from a universe that isn’t theirs and so aren’t useful. Rooms in the abandoned school, which he often makes repairs to himself (because they can’t exactly call out for a contractor to do so, and because he’s got the brains to not just fix but improve the building with what he has on hand.) 
The Man Out of Time (aka yes, a time traveler)-- John. I can’t quite explain why he feels like the best fit--the character came into my head, already as John. I can’t explain this character’s full deal without giving a full ep synopsis, but to give some summation--to save the town, he sacrifices his ability to travel back to his time. He’s a straight up good guy; he wants to help these people even though he ended up in their time and town on accident and barely knows them. He ends up residing in the abandoned cabin, as a happily accepted new neighbor. He’s a nice guy, plus that’s one more person to make sure The Kids aren’t accidentally killed by like, an inter-dimensional squid or something--that’s a nice bit of stress alleviation for all the other adults. 
The Car Salesmen--Jack Black and Charlie Day. A set of very panicky brothers, selling cars that have never worked (like, they literally have no engines or wheels...) But they insist that they are needed, and that the cars will work, when It comes for them. What is It? Why should they fear It? All anyone gets is panicked laughter as an answer, so they just roll with it all. Besides, who doesn’t like window shopping, even if the cars aren’t necessarily something you could ever use or buy? Everybody tries to be accepting and calming towards these two, who are almost always convinced that It is on the way. They mean well, the poor things. They room in the building of their car sales lot--there aren’t any display cars in it, so they can keep sleeping bags on the floor. 
The King--I swear to god, I thought up this character before Avatar Country came out. It is a pleasant coincidence that Kungen is who I chose for this role (in part because I mean...his nickname literally means The King. As of Avatar Country’s release, we have proof he is a good king. Why not keep a good thing going?) And he is literally a king--who shows up one day, claiming to be king of their town (that is really barely even quantifiable as a village.) No one knows what to make of it, so they roll with it, because he doesn’t actually make them act like much of subjects--he might ask for food randomly during the day from the Waitress, or ask them how the ransacking of neighboring towns is going (it isn’t, because no one ever leaves the town, but he never seems bothered by that.) Otherwise, he just likes to hang out and ask everyone what they’re doing and educate them on the Royal History--how and why he became king, what he’s done as king, etc. For a king, he’s down to earth and just likes to visit with people. Maybe he’s lonely--they’ll never know for sure. Rooms wherever he feels for each ep he’s in--but ends up a lot a the hotel/restaurant, as it has the most rooms of any building in town. Technically a series regular, but yet not--kind of like the Kids, in that sense. This is subject to change as I keep writing though; he’s ended up in a lot of eps so far, lol. 
The Waiter--Tim. Can’t fully reveal this character’s deal without major spoilers, but he plays a big part in the Waitress’ story arc (a no duh, per the character title, lol.) I needed someone who has good natural humor, good comedic timing, and can do good impressions (for a few episodes particular story arcs.) That, and someone who seems like they’d be up for a character with a weird backstory--not a bad one, The Waiter isn’t a villain, but it is a complicated one. Once he’s in the town though, things are good--and his character is well-liked, for a whole variety of reasons that again, if I elaborate on more I give away a bunch of Big Ass Plot Points. So maybe later, lol. Rooms at the hotel/restaurant, and works there too once his character is introduced. 
The Doctor--Brendon Small. Catchphrase is “I dunno, I’m not a doc...wait, I am. Still, I dunno.” A very tired physician who drove in one day to catch a cup of coffee after driving all night, then found after he left the restaurant his car was gone. One of the only citizens who isn’t wholly chill with being perpetually stuck in the town--he can sense something’s up with this place, but he can’t quite explain it. Despite his catchphrase, is actually a very good doctor--sometimes possessing knowledge of how to heal things he’s never seen or dealt with before, which kinda freaks him out. Rooms in the abandoned school with The Teacher--which leads to occasional shouting arguments between them, if only because you can’t always put two very smart and active minds together like that with time to spare to talk, and expect them not to argue over some things (like what the town would do if a plague rolled through, why don’t the Kids seem to grow at all, etc.) Despite this, they do enjoy each other’s company, really. 
Guest Stars consist of so many--like so many you guys. I can’t fully explain these all without giving away full episodes, and some I can’t even mention yet, so a lot of these are gonna be a bit of a mystery unless any of you guys want to message and talk plots: 
The Drifter--Rob Zombie
The Pianist’s Brother--Ville Valo 
The Fixers--the McElroy brothers, because these characters require chaotic weird energy and a variety of personalities, and I think they would have all that covered very well. What do they fix? Well, if I told you that I’d be giving something important away. 
Slash--as himself. Yes, really. He’s baffled as to why he was given directions (incorrectly) to this place, when it was supposed to be directions to a regular gig. 
The Skeleton in the Closet--Tobias, but in Papa I gear (provided he agrees to ‘reanimate’ the papas for this lol.) 
The Priest--Tobias, but in Papa II gear. Shows up to try and fellowship with them (for Lucifer, of course.) Ends up a bit disappointed and confused--not because they refuse to believe, but because he’s informed he just missed Lucifer by about five years. Its a fun episode, this one. 
The Flirt--Tobias, but in Papa III gear. Literally just Papa III being lost and utterly useless at reading a map to find his way elsewhere. Takes a liking to all the adults, aka all the adults are getting hit on (but will he actually sleep with any/all of them? That’s a secret for that particular plot synopsis.) Eventually gets on his way, but is missed. 
The Pied Piper--Tobias, as the Cardinal. Playing along with the Rats thing here a bit. But he doesn’t lead the Kids, nor rats out of the town--what is it then that he takes with him? Another Plot Point to remain hidden for now. 
The One of the Woods--Doug Jones. 
The Trickster--Taika Waititi. This isn’t even really a role, I’m more or less just asking Taika to come have fun for an episode and vamp it up. 
There’s more guest stars I’d love to note here, but if I do I again risk major spoilers that I’m not quite ready to give up, lol. More to come later, perhaps.For now, yes, three out of 12 are technically the same person. Tobias would hopefully be up for all of that, lol. 
Setting: Ideally, somewhere in Sweden, since by the time I get this anywhere near production I’ll hopefully have been living there for years. May as well keep it local, plus there are certain locations out there that I have in mind and want to use. But I’m open to other places--so long as it is appropriately creepy and deserted like. That is to say, the highway this town is by is only rarely busy. Otherwise they barely see cars, and the few they do see rarely stop. So essentially an abandoned highway is what I need, lol. 
I could go on here (even just about the soundtrack I’m working on) but I’ll stop because I think this is getting long. Like I said before, if anyone has feedback, or any interest in this and wants to talk about it--you’ll make my year if you let me know! If not, that’s cool too, but I’m sick of letting all this rattle about in my head--I want to share it and talk about it, even if I can’t make any of it happen right now!
1 note · View note
crowdvscritic · 3 years
Text
round up // OCTOBER 20
Tumblr media
Hubie Happy Halloween, friends! I’m not sure what October’s been like for you, but here’s a quick summary of my month:
Re-acquainting myself with my collection of (mostly gray and navy blue) sweaters
Ordering an embarrassing—like, I lost count kind of embarassing—number of lattés
Alternating between enjoying the ombré of the fall trees and cozying up with the first logs in the fireplace
Revisiting all-time favorite stories like The Scarlet Pimpernel by the Baroness Orczy, the extended Lord of the Rings movie trilogy, all three seasons of Stranger Things, the 1995 Pride and Prejudice miniseries, and several Harry Potter movies
In short, this month has been all about finding joy in the little things, which is the essence of our search for coziness in autumn. Since these monthly Round Ups only focus on pop culture that’s new to me, that means this month’s list is shorter than usual, but many of the movies and shows feel like warm blankets I’ll return to again. Though, as you’ll see, a few are not…
October Crowd-Pleasers
Tumblr media
Enola Holmes (2020)
A movie so charming, I’m on the verge of rewatching even though it’s only been a few weeks. (It’s a rare occurrence for me to return to something so quickly.) It lets a stacked cast of performers known for dramatic roles flex their comedic muscles, including Henry Cavill, Sam Claflin, and—most spectacularly—Millie Bobby Brown. You can read my full review of the new Netflix movie at ZekeFilm. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10
Tumblr media
Murder, She Wrote (1984-96)
This entry comes with a bit of an asterisk* because Kyla and I watched this murder mystery procedural in 2018 for our podcast, SO IT’S A SHOW? At the time, I was open to watching more episodes, but it was never so easy as with the launch of the Peacock streaming service. All 12 seasons are available in the free tier, and I never thought a show about murder—and in the procedural format, which I don’t typically love—could be so enjoyable. Angela Lansbury’s mystery writer/amateur detective Jessica Fletcher has become a non-ironic role model for me—I aspire to be as gracious, intelligent, humble, uncynical, and assertive. Also, who says I’m not aspiring to spending my 60s writing, traveling, and solving crimes while wearing a fabulous collection of cardigans?
youtube
The Return of SNL
When Saturday Night Live returns in the fall, I always squeak out during the premiere’s opening credits, “My friends are back!” It’s a silly thing to say about an ever-rotating group of people I’ll never meet, but when you’ve been watching Kenan Thompson do his thing for close to two decades, you can only be delighted to see him after months of absence. While the “At Home” episodes this spring were a treat I didn’t think possible, it’s even better to have my friends back at it in their usual environment with the high production value of Studio 8H. These were the skits that made me laugh the most month:
“VP Fly Debate Cold Open,” mostly for the Jeff Goldblum tribute (4602 with Bill Burr)
“New Normal” (4602)
“Dr. Wenowdis on Weekend Update” (4602)
“Enough Is Enough,” a bit which explains my feelings about almost all celebrity political takes (4602)
“Canadian News Show” (4603 with Issa Rae)
“Election Ad” (4604 with Adele)
“The Bachelor” (4604)
For more on how this season has come together back in the studio, you can read the Vulture interview with Lorne Michaels about it.
Tumblr media
Coach Carter (2005)
A based-on-a-true-story movie about an unconventional basketball coach (Samuel L. Jackson) who wants his players (including a baby Channing Tatum) to succeed on more than just the court. It’s a straight-down-the-middle story that shares DNA with many of the inspiring sports movies that came out in the wake of Remember the Titans, but it’ll scratch that itch if that’s what you’re looking for. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10
Tumblr media
Double Feature — Early ’90s Halloween Classics: Edward Scissorhands (1990) + The Addams Family (1991)
Both of these movies start at Christmastime, but both are spooOOooky movies in their bones. Not all Halloween movies are Tim Burton movies, but all Tim Burton movies are Halloween movies, including Edward Scissorhands (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10). Tim Burton is hit-or-miss for me, but I was pleasantly surprised at how moving this idiosyncratic fairy tale was. Johnny Depp is at his most tortured as a Frankstein’s monster whose inventor (Vincent Price) gave him scissors for hands, Dianne Wiest finds the heart and comedy in your local Avon representative, and Winona Ryder is a queen. The Addams Family (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10) might be even more idiosyncratic. I’ve never watched the TV series, so it took me a minute to warm up to its twisted sense of humor (“Are they made from real Girl Scouts?”), but once I did, I started laughing as often as my nostalgic parents.
Tumblr media
The Magic iPod
A nostalgia kick you didn’t know you wanted. I have no idea why or how this site exists, only that it brings me joy. Try mashing up “Ms. New Booty” with “A Thousand Miles,” “Get Low” with “Float On,” “Tipsy” with Bring Me to Life,” “99 Problems” with “All Star,” “Country Grammar” with “Complicated,” or any other combo that brings your favorite songs from your first iPod together.
Tumblr media
Hubie Halloween (2020)
You know those dumb movies that just hit you in the right spot? Adam Sandler has a knack for those kind of movies, and Hubie Halloween fills the void of Halloween fun you’re probably missing this year. Sandler plays Hubie, a not-very-bright do-gooder with a very big heart whose self-proclaimed purpose is to keep everyone safe in his hometown of Salem. But there are spooOOooky threats on Halloween night this year, and only Hubie and his thermos (which rivals a Swiss army knife in all its functions) will be able to save it. Don’t miss it you’re like me and love a good celebrity cameo and a Hollywood-designed Halloween costumes. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 6/10
Tumblr media
Double Feature — Are We Sure These ‘80s Movies Are for Kids? Gremlins (1984) + Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
After seeing Gremlins (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10), I know why parents were clamoring for the PG-13 rating—this movie may be short on the scares for adults, but I have no idea what I’d do for a tyke not expecting the cuddly Gizmo to spawn homicidal ghouls. In what may be the most ‘80s movie I’ve watched yet, we get a legit bonkers story, both in premise and execution—and it might also be a brilliant and scathing satire of consumerism? Perhaps another spoof of consumerism: Who Framed Roger Rabbit (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10), which creates an impressively specific world that’s part animation, part live action. It’s a parody of classic film noir with no shortage of innuendo or just plain weirdness—its artistic achievement makes it worth watching, but since when have kids cared much about any of those things?
Tumblr media
Double Feature — So-Bad-They’re-Good Action Flicks: Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000) + Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)
If Gremlins is one of the most ‘80s movies, then Gone in Sixty Seconds (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 5.5/10) is one of the most Nicolas Cage movies. He’s a good guy caught on the wrong side of the law in a ridiculous plot engine where he has to steal 50 cars in less than a week. His pent-up frustration lives just below the surface, and his performance is so committed, you’re not sure if he’s knows  the dialogue and plot twists are zany—in fact, you’re not even sure he’s acting at all. Also committed to whatever the heck it’s doing is a movie that’s exactly what it sounds like, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6/10). An over-qualified cast (Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Anthony Mackie, Rufus Sewell, and more) just goes for it in a story with the premise that Abe Lincoln fought oppression caused by slavery and by immortal blood-suckers. I think my favorite part is when a vampire throws a pony at our 16th president—I couldn’t make this up if I tried.
October Critic Picks
Tumblr media
Triple Feature — ‘60s Horror Classics: Village of the Damned (1960), The Haunting (1963), Night of the Living Dead (1968)
In Village of the Damned (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8/10), everyone in a British village passes out at the same time for hours, and weird events continue for years, centering around a mysterious group of children. In The Haunting (above, Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 9/10), a group is studying events at a haunted house, but it may be the house that’s in control. And in Night of the Living Dead (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10), the zombie genre dawns with a group huddled away from the undead in a farmhouse. All of these are thoughtful, well-made films, but I recommend them with asterisks* because I’ll never watch any of these groups again. The Haunting made me scared of bumps in the night as I was falling asleep, and Night of the Living Dead gave me zombie-filled nightmares. If you’re looking for a dose of heebie jeebies, these are the movies you’ll be needing!
Tumblr media
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
I’m not sure I understood any of it, but I think I liked it? If you don’t mind a film that feels more like poetry than a plot, this visual stunner is worth the long runtime and straight-up weird sequence of scenes. Fortunately, I was prepped for my viewing with the help of Turner Classic Movies host Ben Mankiewicz and writer/director Brad Bird, who selected as part of this season’s Essentials lineup. While Bird loves the film, Mankiewicz admitted it’s not one of his favorites because it’s such an obtuse head-scratcher. Both acknowledged it’s an important one to cinema, so unless The Tree of Life is still making your brain hurt almost a decade later, it’s worth trying to parse through a story that covers the dawn of man, man’s fight against machine, and, um, a lot of other things I couldn’t explain if I tried. Crowd: 5/10 // Critic: 10/10
Tumblr media
The Trial of the Chicago 7 (2020)
If you’re a fan of Aaron Sorkin’s idealist monologues and ideological pitter-patter, then pause your latest binge of The West Wing to watch his latest writing/directing outing, now streaming on Netflix. Based on the true story of protesters who clashed with the police outside the Democratic National Convention in Chicago in 1968—which, yes, doesn’t seem to difficult to imagine these days—it captures the spirit of a wild trial about political activism, healthy debate, fairness in government, and even the importance of grammar. If you watch it and think there’s no way this really happened, be sure to read up on the real trial to see how the film toned down the judicial circus. While this Oscars season will be unusual, we can predict this film will be in the awards conversation. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10
Also in October…
My fellow ZekeFilm writers and I collected our favorite Halloween movies and TV specials for your enjoyment. Not-a-spoiler-alert: My pick is not very scary. In fact, it’s a zom-rom-com I’ve only come to love more since reviewing it upon its release.
Though Kyla and I always talk about Gilmore Girls on our podcast, we don’t just talk about the murder mystery TV shows it references like Murder, She Wrote. This month we talked about an ‘80s prime time soap full of shoulder pads and catfights as well as a ‘70s movie starring Rocky and the Fonz. Then we decided there were so many confusing pop culture references in an episode we couldn’t pick just one, so we researched a mish mash of topics like Punk Planet magazine, workout guru Jack LaLanne, singer Blossom Dearie, Manson cult member Leslie Van Houten, and a whole lotta board games.
540 movies and counting! You can follow real-time updates in what I’m watching in quarantine on Letterboxd.
1 note · View note
peppersjam · 4 years
Text
My Top 10 Albums of 2019
2019 presented me with a handful of incredible events and memories (I turned 30, I got married, etc.), while also serving me a big challenge (my partner is temporarily living on the other side of the country). In a poetic world, these things would have a significant impact on the music that I listened to and loved, but no, not really. This year is pretty on the nose for me, music-wise. Oh, except that I got really into Taylor Swift in the second half of the year.
Before we hop into boring Steve's boring top 10 list, let's revisit the 2018 list. The only album on the list that I barely listened to in 2019 was Cardi's Invasion of Privacy. Everything else gets at least semi-regular spins, although I'd elevate Historian, boygenius, and Big Red Machine above these others.
My biggest disappointment this year was Charli XCX's CHARLI, which is a solid album, but it didn't grab me nearly as much as Pop 2 did a couple years ago. It hasn't stuck in my rotation.
Runners up:
Bon Iver - "i,i" (I love it when I listen to it, but for some reason I'm not often compelled to listen to it)
Ariana Grande - "thank u, next" (Staple of early 2019, but fell off)
Carly Rae Jepsen - "Dedicated" (Great, but I'd rather listen to E•MO•TION)
Taylor Swift - "Lover" (Some true standout tracks, like Lover and Paper Rings, but too many cloyboys and CRJ rip-offs)
Weyes Blood - "Titanic Rising" (I could see this growing on me over the years, like a Radiohead record)
And the pre-2019 albums that should've made my respective yearly lists:
Beyoncé - "4" (2011)
Beyoncé - "BEYONCE" (2013)
Big Thief - "Capacity" (2017)
Big Thief - "Masterpiece" (2016)
Perfume Genius - "No Shape" (2017)
Snail Mail - "Lush" (2018)
Taylor Swift - "Red" (2012)
10. Big Thief – U.F.O.F
Early in the year, I "discovered" Big Thief. I don't know how I missed them before. Specifically, the song "Masterpiece" got right up in my brain and has been hanging out there since. Then Big Thief gave us U.F.O.F. which was yet another great Big Thief album. See #3 below.
9. Andrew Bird – My Finest Work Yet
Look, I'll stop putting Andrew Bird records on my end-of-year lists when he stops making them.
Andrew Bird turned a corner with the release of Are You Serious where he basically acknowledged that he was now going to work with other people and write scrutable songs. It was a good album, but My Finest Work Yet refines this Andrew Bird 2.0 and delivers some of his... finest work yet ("Sisyphus," "Manifest," "Olympians"). While I still prefer earlier Andrew Bird (A Nervous Tic Motion into Fake Palindromes into Measuring Cups... my gosh, that's 10 incredible minutes of music), I understand why he's moved on to something else.
8. JPEGMAFIA – All My Heroes Are Cornballs
I've been in a rap rut. Kanye is putting out self-indulgent gospel albums. Chance and Drake are boring now. JAY Z is working with the NFL.
But the rut is mostly a lack of imagination on my part. There's a lot of rap out there that hasn't made it through my naive filter, and I want to seek more of it out in 2020. Case in point: JPEGMAFIA. He's weird, political, funny... all the things that the aforementioned rappers aren't (or at least, aren't anymore). All My Heroes Are Cornballs is the most hypnotic rap album I've listened to in years. The glitchy beats and effortless flow makes it impossible to turn off mid-album.
7. BROCKHAMPTON – Ginger
GINGER is a proper follow-up to the SATURATION trilogy. While Iridescence had some good tracks on it, the overall experience was jarring (not without reason, given what the group was going through with Ameer). GINGER reads (ok, plays) like an album in a way that the Saturations never did. While it may be spiritually linked to the Satursation, it's a complete departure sonically. Even though it's more constrained and less bombastic than their hits from that era, it feels much bigger and, ahem, More Important. That might not be to the taste of some of their fans, but I'm happy to have both versions of BROCKHAMPTON in my music library.
6. Lana Del Rey – Norman Fucking Rockwell!
Music publications couldn't get over the fact that on NFR!, Lana, yes LANA DEL REY, was wordsmithing at a high level. Is it that hard to believe that someone would become a better poet as they gained more life experiences, inching closer to the mystical 10,000 hours? Some of the praise may have gone a little overboard (and, frankly, seems rooted in a narrow, misogynistic view of Who Can Do Music Good™️™️™️), but I agree with the underlying principle of the praise: that this is a collection of well written and well performed songs. It has my favorite album closer of the year, "Hope Is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman Like Me to Have - but I Have It." I get chills just thinking about it.
5. Clairo – Immunity
I enjoyed my first listen.
On my second listen, I wondered if it was maybe too simple. I didn't listen again for several months.
But then, when I was working from Pittsburgh the week before Christmas, I listened again. And I couldn't stop listening. It's simpler music than many of the albums on this list, but it appeals to me for the same reason I had a fixation with Snail Mail's Lush this year: it's incredible that songs that sound so "simple" (and I truly do not mean simple in an insulting way) can still be different than anything we've heard before, and can still transfix us in new ways. Behold ye, the power of combinatorics!
4. Vampire Weekend – Father of the Bride
Channel Orange to Blonde was 4 years. There's nothing you can do to get your favorite artists to make music faster. There's some beauty in that... that if an artist is financially successful enough, they don't need to rush.
Modern Vampires of the City to Father of the Bride was 6 years (i.e., 20% of my lifetime). But at least there are no duds here, and "Harmony Hall" might sneak into my hypothetical favorite-songs-of-all-time pantheon.
3. Big Thief – Two Hands
Oh, but then a few months later, Big Thief gave us another album. They started working on it right after they finished U.F.O.F, which tracks based on every interview I've read with Adrianne Lenker. She talked about the insane touring and album release schedule they've been on in the past four years, but her point wasn't "I'm getting tired," but rather "let's see if I can do this forever." I saw them play at The Fillmore after they released Two Hands and I got the sense that Adrianne has to make and perform music. She was uncomfortable engaging in the standard nearly-identical pleasantries that artists share with the audience. She was shy. She was surprised to find that we were hanging on her every word and chord. It was relatable. She's the closest to a genius I've seen in an indie rock band in the last several years, although I'm sure she'd hate anyone calling her that.
That genius produced Two Hands, an affecting indie rock record that practically demands that you close your eyes because you need to experience it and only it.
2. Tyler, the Creator – IGOR
This year, I listened to IGOR over and over again. The hooks, verses, beats, and vibe are all infectious. Boring Steve says "hey, look, it's just a great album." I don't have a deeper thought about it. I eagerly await Tyler's next project.
1. Nilüfer Yanya – Miss Universe
This year, like 2009 a decade ago, was an exciting year to be an indie rock fan. Vampire Weekend and Bon Iver cemented their elder ("elder") statesperson statuses, Big Thief came into their own as a true force of nature, and acts like Clairo and Nilüfer made me extremely jazzed about the Ghost of Indie Future.
Nilüfer has a unique and delightful voice that punches through some really fun songwriting and arrangements. Like, what a dumb, awesome lyric:
Although I cannot tell if I'm paranoid
Or it's all in my head, it's all in my head
Miss Universe is her debut full-length album, and it's a lovable and off-kilter thesis statement for what I assume will be a lovable and off-kilter music career. I can better explain why some of the other albums on this list are great, but suffice it to say, the system rewards unique performances.
10 notes · View notes
unseenthewriter · 4 years
Text
CHAPTER 2: SLEEP
Tumblr media
Chapter 2: 2005 Words
Fic Total: 5349 Words
Series Total: 5349 Words
Sleep and I have always had a love/hate relationship. Humans need sleep. It feels nice gives the mind and body a rest but… I have insomnia and have been off my sleep meds once I ran out. I couldn't exactly get a new prescription without someone finding out about my situation. So I didn't get a new prescription. This has, of course, culminated with me being utterly exhausted and falling asleep when I don't want to. This time I fell asleep during another one of the diagnostic lectures. I'm so quiet normally that no one woke me up when it was over so I awoke in a dark lecture hall which is definitely a little freaky.
I grumbled nothing in particular as I packed up my things to quickly exit the dark lecture hall. I had already stopped by and hung out with Rosie for a bit before the lecture so now I was free which means…
I made my way back to Oncology and knocked on the door to Duncan's room before walking in. "Brought something special today." I said while waving the Xbox 360 game in one hand.
"Oh thank God this is like the 5th time I've read this book." Duncan replied while putting down the book.
I smiled. "This is one of my favorites so you better not break it." I said while putting the game in the Xbox 360 and handing Duncan the controller.
Duncan and I are only about a week apart in age. The cancer he's been fighting is very treatable just requires him to be in the hospital a lot. His parents travel constantly for work so Duncan is often here alone. "Any new homework?" He asked.
"Midterms next week so no." I said while sitting down in the chair near his bed. We also technically go to the same school.
"Elder Scrolls Oblivion huh? I haven't played this yet." He said.
"Yes now shush you don't want to miss Patrick Stewart voicing Emperor Uriel Septim." I replied as Duncan booted up the game.
"No! There's a chest back there you missed!" I exclaimed as Duncan was making his way through the tutorial.
"You're such a loot hoarder Jay. I don't need absolutely everything." Duncan replied back while fighting off a goblin.
"Dunc you know I play thief classes in games. It's my style." I huffed.
"My inventory was already full a few minutes ago. I had to drop a bunch of stuff." He protested.
"If you didn't always play classes with heavy armor." I replied.
"You play thieves. I play warriors." Duncan shot back.
I stuck my tongue out at him. I turned back around and noticed House and Wilson watching us. I blinked. "How long have you two been there?" I asked.
"Since the character creation." House replied.
I sighed. "Right Dunc I'll be back later. You've got to let me know your adventures though that's the rules."
Dunc looked up at me after pausing the game. "Thanks, man." He said and held out a fist.
I returned the fist bump before walking out of the room.
"Thieves huh?" House said.
"I like the sneaking around and stealing. Plus it's more loot." I said with a shrug.
The three of us stood there for a while before I sighed. "Someone going to bring up the elephant in the hallway or?" I asked while looking around.
"We have a spare room." Wilson finally replied.
We? 
I looked at both of them. Ah. Rings on the fingers. "You two married then?" I asked.
"Engaged." House replied.
I nodded. I knew I got some sort of gay vibe from the two of them. "You sure?" I asked.
"Pretty positive we're engaged yes." House replied sarcastically.
"About the room." I said.
"Jimmy has a bleeding heart. Thinking about you out there in your car with winter coming up." House mocked while putting an arm around Wilson who really wasn't amused.
"I can handle winter but if you're sure." I said.
"Yes, we are." Wilson said and moved House's arm off of him.
This is going to be interesting at least.
~~~
Ah, sleep. My old Buddy. Pal. The dude who never shows up when you need him. Like now.
On top of insomnia, I also have trouble sleeping in new places. That has been an issue even before insomnia popped up. The only reason I ever got decent sleep at overnight camps and retreats was that I would normally be physically exhausted.
There's also a clock ticking somewhere in the room which isn't helping.
Tick.
Nighttime is also the time where my mind is extremely vulnerable to not so great trains of thought.
Tock.
The past few weeks it's finally been kicking in that my Mom is actually dead. I'll never be able to talk to her again.
Tick.
When someone dies it's fairly normal to be in a sort of daze for a while. My auto-pilot is finally starting to wear out though. I haven't had the chance to really think about the past few months. Until now.
Tock.
I've had to put up a straight face. Try to keep my life together. Made my way to New Jersey. Got into Princeton Prep. Making money freelancing as a programmer. Volunteering at PPTH.
Tick.
I can't let this affect me now. I need to keep going. Later I'll take the time to deal with this. Later.
Tock.
Of course, you can't exactly schedule a breakdown, can you? No, I'm crying. Crying for the first time in the last few months. I had to be strong. I still do.
Tic-
I had decided to get up and shove the clock under a pillow in a closet. I slowly slid to the floor after. I closed my eyes to try and stop the flow of tears. She's really gone.
I slowly cried myself to sleep on the floor.
I was awoken by my phone alarm going off with the song American Idiot by Green Day because it's one of the loudest songs on my phone. I'm a heavy sleeper. Once I'm asleep.
My butt was a little sore from sleeping on the ground in a sitting position. I groaned and got up to get ready for the day. Trying to not think about last night.
Soon I made my way to the kitchen which had Wilson sitting at the counter reading the newspaper with a cup of coffee. House was nowhere in sight. I stood in the doorway not really wanting to make my presence known. I just zoned out in the direction of the window.
A few minutes later Wilson looked up from the newspaper and noticed me. He jumped a little. "How long have you been there Jay?" He asked.
I blinked and moved my gaze to Wilson. "Not long." I mumbled.
Wilson looked at his watch. "Well, afternoon. Sleep well?" He asked.
Not particularly. I was an idiot and fell asleep on the floor.
"Yeah slept great." I lied. I knew it was the afternoon of course. I have my alarm set for noon on the weekends in case I sleep in.
Wilson was looking me over. He could probably tell I lied. "Hungry? There are some pancakes in the fridge." Wilson asked.
 "Not particularly." I mumbled.
Wilson set down his coffee and newspaper. "You're too thin." He replied and got up to get me some pancakes anyway.
I slowly made my way to the counter. I know I'm too thin. Losing 20 pounds in the span of like a month? It's probably grief or something. Also, I often forget to eat when I'm busy and I've purposely been keeping myself very busy so situations like last night wouldn't happen.
"Don't you have any casual clothes to wear on the weekends?" Wilson asked after setting a plate of pancakes and orange juice in front of me.
Besides my hoodie, a Beatles tee shirt and a single pair of black jeans no. I didn't take the time to grab much else clothing-wise before I ran off from Minnesota. Also… Besides my more dressy stuff, most of my clothing was still women’s. Sure I've been out of the closet for almost 2 years now but because I wear mostly not casual clothing I've never really bothered. "I'm more used to dressing this way." I replied.
"You sure he's your son?" Wilson said to a tired House who just walked in.
"If he blow-dries his hair maybe he's yours." House joked while getting himself a cup of coffee and pancakes.
I finally stopped poking at my pancakes and took a bite. They're good.
"What no snippy comments today?" House asked me.
The truth would be to say that I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted because my brain decided to hit a brick wall at over 100 miles per hour last night but no one needs to know that. "Not a morning person." I replied. Not a lie either.
Wilson groaned at that. "See definitely yours it's midday."
I need an excuse to get out of this conversation. Homework? No, I have none because of my Midterms. I don't have any plans. 
I stood up. "I need to do some flips." I finally decided on.
When House didn't respond to that Wilson looked confused. "Woah. Wait! What? Flips?!" He asked.
"I'm a former gymnast. Met House in late August because I sprained my wrist over-rotating a backflip and stopped by the free clinic." I quickly explained wanting to get out the door.
"Wait hold up you've known House longer than me? You said you haven't known him for too long." Wilson said.
"Jealous?" House butted in.
"In the grand scheme of things. A few months isn't too long." I said.
Wilson looked like he wanted to protest that conclusion but didn't. "Gymnast?" He asked instead.
"I was a good one too." I said with a wink.
"Why'd you quit?" House asked.
"Ah. Another time. Bye!" I avoided while making my escape.
~~~
I wasn't planning on going to PPTH especially on the weekend but I remembered that I accidentally left one of my Latin books at the Cafeteria and I still need to study for that midterm so after doing some flips I hopped on a bus and made my way to the hospital.
"Uh called yesterday about my Latin book. Said you all were holding on to it." I said to the cashier.
"Oh yeah give me a few minutes." She said and went to grab it.
I was bobbing back and forth on the balls of my feet when a younger Doctor pointed at my messenger bag specifically at my Star Trek The Next Generation communicator pin. "Nice pin."
"Oh! Uh, thanks." I said turning to him.
"Here's your book." The cashier said and passed me my book.
"Thank you so much!" I said and got out of the line. "Haha sorry midterms you know." I said to the Doctor while putting the book in my bag.
"You're House's kid right?" He asked.
I froze. Has House told people about this already? He must know how quick stuff spreads at this hospital. I cleared my throat. "Yeah. Jay Flynn." I said and held out my hand.
"Dr. Lawrence Kutner liking Star Trek is already good in my book." He said with a smile.
Kutner… "You're part of House's Team right?" I asked.
He nodded. "Yeah, I've seen you around."
"You're working on a weekend?" I asked.
"I had some Clinic Duty to make up." He said.
"Ah." I said.
"You know I think I have some Next Generation DVDs in my locker if you want to watch some episodes?" Kutner asked.
I thought for a moment. I could definitely use a distraction and it's been a while since I've seen some Star Trek. "Yeah, that would be great actually." I said.
"Okay awesome let me go get it." Kutner said lighting up and running off.
Right… I don't think Kutner realized that I don't really have a good way to contact him.
AN: Sorry for the shorter chapter but like ehhhh had to you know introduce Duncan and have Jay move in. It’s not very clear in the fic AT ALL but like House and Wilson live in a house just to make things easier lmao. Why aren't they married? Well readers gay marriage is still illegal in New Jersey in 2009 so RIP but that DOES mean at some point in this series y'all get a Hilson wedding so like don’t be mad about it.
0 notes
writerofblocks · 6 years
Text
It’s a Process
[Note: This is an original work I submitted as part of a creative writing class. it’s kind of long, so I put it under a cut. I hope you enjoy.]
Two thousand words. How is anyone supposed to write a story that long? I mean, I know it’s technically possible; this definitely isn’t the first time this teacher has given out this assignment to a class, and it certainly won’t be the last. Page count wise, that’s like… ten, isn’t? That’s not much. Or at least it shouldn’t seem like as much as it does. The last story I wrote was 500 words- if you can even call something of that length a story- and it still felt like a stretch at the time.
At least it’s only a first draft. First drafts are allowed to be flaming garbage piles. And given that it’s due tonight and I only remembered its existence about thirty minutes ago, it’s a safe bet that this draft’s more likely to be a flaming garbage pile than not. Resisting the temptation to throw it all out and make it perfect is going to be a challenge. It’d feel better to wipe the slate clean than try to fix something that’s broken and worthless.
Wait. Stop. Thinking like that isn’t going to help.
What am I supposed to write about, anyway? The teacher said we could write about anything (within reason), but where am I supposed to go with that? Not sci-fi, I know that much. The amount of words I’d need for world-building would take up all the space given. I could write an elaborate fanfiction and disguise it by changing the names, but that just seems tacky. Besides, I already did it once this semester. Never again.
…Too hungry to think further. I need food.
The cafeteria’s a bearable enough place. At least there are a few staples I can get by on if the daily rotation of meals doesn’t work out in my favor. Though pizza every day has gotten pretty boring after a while. Maybe it’s the depression talking, but everything just tastes bland when it comes out of a buffet trough. Hot sauce would be a good way to go to fix that, if anything spicier than pico de gallo didn’t disagree with me. I still don’t know how people can willingly subject themselves to oral torture via condiments, let alone get into contests over who can eat the spiciest pepper in existence. What was it my friend said? Something about how some people are nontasters and need stronger spices to actually feel something and some people are supertasters where everything is intense. Dang, I need to look that up sometime. I wonder if the ratio of supertasters to nontasters or vice versa is linked to specific regions of the world? Would explain why some cultures enjoy spicier food while some can’t stand anything stronger than salt.
There are burritos today. A small blessing.
Write your story. Stop watching that video on your phone, pull out your notebook, and write your story. You’ll feel much better with it done, but you need to actually write the story. You’ve already watched this video ten times already, you know it by heart, why are you watching it over and over again when you have other things you’ve been meaning to get to? Put it away on the count of three. One, two, three. I said, one, two, three four five- damnit.
“We now bring to you on the Inner Brain Radio “Mambo. No 5”, but only the first measure. This will be on repeat for the next three hours.”
Excellent. Hey, can I request something different? Like, maybe some silence, or some thoughts on how I’m actually going to finish this freaking story?
“Sorry, we don’t take requests.”
That’s what I figured.
Damn, this burrito is hot. Why are all the burritos from the cafeteria burning hot? The rice is always overcooked, too. Tasteless. Feels like chewing on actual rice grains instead of, you know, cooked rice. At least it fills me up- won’t have to break my writing stride to get a snack, if it comes to that. And it always comes to that.
…Noise.
Too much noise. Mouths chewing with wet and obscene sounds. Conversations I can’t piece together but try to anyway. What if they’re talking about me?
I can’t tell whether they’re laughing or crying.
I can’t tell whether they’re laughing or crying.
I can’t tell whether they’re laughing or crying.
Need to move. No more people. I’m tired after two classes, how am I supposed to work in the real world? How am I supposed to do anything worthwhile? How am I supposed to grow and be an adult? I don’t feel like an adult. I stopped changing at sixteen and I’ve been stuck in this worthless rotten excuse of a body ever since.
Stand up. Stand up! Prickling in my muscles, everything’s too loud. Beep boop, out of people juice again. Where can I get more? People juice machine broke. Why am I thinking in memes at a time like this, I need to pack up my bag and go.
Out of the cafeteria, into the fall air. I don’t need to think about the path I’m taking. I may not be able to remember meetings, due dates, birthdays, names, anything short-term memory related, or anything that makes me viable and valid as a human adult worth caring about, but by God do I still have my muscle memory! Wondrous miracles!
What should I listen to on the walk home? Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to listen to this album. It’d be good to listen to something new. Or, I could listen to the same set of songs I’ve been listening to on repeat for weeks now because that’s what’s comfortable to me.
Yeah. Let’s go with that.
It’s getting windier by the minute. I left my good jacket in my bedroom closet- didn’t think I’d need it today. I need to make it a habit to check the weather before I go out, I can’t keep going out under prepared like this-
What on earth is that squirrel doing?
…God damnit. Did it again. I’m just a walking stereotype at this point. I really hate that joke about people with ADHD and squirrels, but it’s true. Maybe that’s why I hate it so much.
I did take my pills today, didn’t I? The section for today is empty, so I must have. Good. I’ve gotten better about doing that.
Walk faster towards home, bow my head against the galeforce winds. It’s not galeforce, I’m exaggerating, but it’s damn windy is what it is. I’m swimming upstream, I’m a carp trying to jump a waterfall. I’m Sisyphus up a hill made out of air. I’m an adventurer on a solemn quest, I’m a badass with somewhere to be, I’m making up things that I am because the walk home is boring and I’d rather be at home under my duvet instead of be out here freezing my everything off.
Finally home. My room’s at the top of three sets of stairs. I’m the crazy lady in the attic. Stick me up here, forget about me. Or it could be that it’s smaller so they make the single rooms out of the space they have. Self reminder- finish reading “The Yellow Wallpaper”.
When I take off my shoes, I need to place them in the shoe caddy. If I do so, it will be easier to find them and they won’t be a trip hazard. Everyone wins.
I didn’t place them in the shoe caddy. Figures.
Set your bag down, pull your laptop and notebook out. This whole day will be a waste if I don’t get something down at least. Sit on your bed and make yourself comfortable. I’m not going anywhere for the next however-long-it-takes, and the desk chairs are too hard for my delicate lil’ butt to handle.
My bedsheets already smell like farts and sweat. I just washed them a few days ago. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
A thousand underperformances on the back of my neck, constricting my lungs. I’ve barely opened the laptop and already I’m at anxiety DEFCON 2, how am I supposed to start this thing? It’s impossible, why did I put it off for this long, I’m going to fail, I’m-
Wait! Breathe. Breathe in for five, hold for five, exhale for seven. That’s it, just like your psychologist taught you. Still stressed. Thoughts still racing. Howie Mandel, I’m going to use a lifeline on this one. Pick up my phone, flip over to texts.
[Mom are you in a good place to talk right now?] [well, text] [not up for calling atm]
[I am. What’s up?]
[just. kind of stressed out] [I have a story due by midnight and I haven’t started  it yet] [trying not to beat myself up about it. not really working]
[At least you’re trying, right? That’s better than in the past.] [Maybe try doing something nice for a bit?] [Not forever, just something that will calm you down.]
[did I mention its due tonight at midnight]
[I know. But trying to do things when you’re riled up doesn’t work.]
I hate it when she’s right.
[maybe I’ll do some knitting for a bit] [still have to finish that blanket]
[Sounds like a plan <3]
One, two, three four… seven? Fuck, I dropped a stitch somewhere. Time to frog it and start over. Mom’s always astonished when I spend so much time on something and destroy it when it’s not perfect. Like I didn’t inherit it from her. She’s gotten better in recent days, but still. Still. Why do knitters call it “frogging”? Because you rip it, rip it.
…It’s nine o clock at night. When did it become nine o clock at night? Put your knitting away, goddamnit, what are you thinking? The story’s due before midnight, just open your Word doc and go!
Focus. Play with form. Poetry, writing, dance, art, living- it’s all just one connection of motion to another. But at what point does a story become a poem? Or a poem become a story, either or. I know free verse is a thing, will the teacher dock me points if it’s not within at least a certain limit of change? Maybe. I don’t know.
The word counter’s ticking up, one agonizing number at a time. It’s all bullshit, of course it’s all bullshit, I can’t write anything but bullshit. But in the Game of College Classes, all that matters is that it fulfills the requirements of the assignment. Nothing more.
Something something too rhythmic, something something “all writers are failed poets”, something something I don’t know what I’m doing, something something, just as long as it’s something.
You’ll never be good enough. This story will never be good enough. You’re unoriginal. And even if you were original, who would want someone who can’t turn things in on time? That’s all you’re good for, menial tasks, just get used up and thrown out when you’re no longer needed. You’re disposable. There are millions of other people just like you, only better because they aren’t lazy worthless garbage. No one likes you. People who say they like you and like what you do are lying. Why can’t you just write what’s in your head? You think you’re better than everyone else at this, but when it comes to brass tacks you just can’t live up to your own fantasies of greatness. Face it- you’re never going to get anywhere with this. You’re never going to get anywhere with anything you do. You’ll just give up as soon as things become even slightly tough; what were you thinking coming here, where it’s all tough all the time? Oh wait, you weren’t, you just go along with whatever someone in authority tells you because you’re a coward and can’t think for yourself without someone else giving the go-ahead. If you’re ever given control you just throw it all away and don’t do shit-
11:50pm. It’s done. Aborted thoughts that pro-lifers would have a field day with, flimsy thoughts, very little structure, absolutely meaningless in the long run, but done, blessedly done. Open your email, send it off to the professor. Write an apology for it being late at night. Send a joke that at least it’s on time. Delete the part that says “for once”- only so much self-deprecation is allowed when interacting with others before they get concerned. Hit the SEND button and try to feel proud, though you know you could have done better if you hadn’t put it off.
It’s late. I’m tired. Time to attempt to sleep. I’ll stay up until one watching videos- I know myself- but at least I need to pretend I’m going to bed or I’ll stay up even later with meaningless distractions
I’ll have to face my mistakes I’ve made with other classes tomorrow, the assignments I’ve put off elsewhere. But this is a victory. A victory that shouldn’t be this hard to get, but it’s a victory. And I’ll take it for all it’s worth.
5 notes · View notes
buzzkillmag · 4 years
Text
2019 WRAPPED: a few contributors’ (and my) records of the year
in order of release, here are some of our contributors’ albums of the year, alongside my extremely extensive list of my favorite LPs released in the past 365 days.
1. january 18, heard it in a past life by maggie rogers
this album, without a doubt, shaped this entire year for me, but whenever i’m asked to explain how, or why, i get choked up. at the time of its release, i was in such a strange place mentally that i couldn’t listen to “light on” - one of the most popular songs on the album - without sobbing uncontrollably, even if that meant excusing myself to cry in the restroom when it came on at work. i am so grateful to have had hiiapl to grow with this year. maggie rogers is one of the most influential artists in the world right now, and i know this album is a lot of people’s record of the year.  recommendations: light on, burning, on + off, the knife
2. january 25, amo by bring me the horizon
the return of british metalcore band bring me the horizon was such a heavily anticipated one, given the fact that their last LP release was in 2015, but i don’t think anyone could have expected the record they were going to release, or how different it would be from anything they’d ever made. bring me the horizon made a really impressive leap into something of an unknown; there has been, both unfortunately and understandably, some backlash regarding exactly what genres the band had decided to experiment with and whether they’d lost their roots in deathcore. but they’ve promised that despite this jump, they’ll still be as rowdy as ever in their live shows. amo is one of my favorite records of the year because of its genre-bending, and because of its desperation and emotion. it’s turned bring me the horizon from a band i never really cared for into one i now seek out when i’m thinking of what to listen to on drives. recommendations: mantra, in the dark, sugar honey ice + tea, mother tongue
3. february 1, midnight by set it off
my favorite record of 2019 is midnight by set it off. not only did the band completely reinvent their aesthetic, they also showcase a more mature and cohesive sound. cody (the lead singer) is a classically trained clarinetist and I think his knowledge of music really shows on this record. each song has little surprises here and there, and shows the work of musicians who understand rhythm and texture. there’s a little something for everyone, from the angsty undertones of “killer in the mirror” and “dancing with the devil,” to the raw, beautiful emotion of the ballad “unopened windows.” hands down best record of 2019!  -gabriela (twitter || instagram)
4. march 1, wasteland, baby! by hozier
I wish I could do my dissertation on the various ways Wasteland, Baby! is a masterpiece but unfortunately I'm in a museum studies program and I don't think my professors would accept that proposal. Hozier was somehow able to fit every emotion a human being is capable of feeling in a mere 57 minutes (and 21 seconds of course) and, by the end, has made the listener feel warm and hopeful despite a large theme being, y'know, the literal ending of everything. Don't even get me started on his referencing and imagery we could be here FOREVER talking about Shrike alone! Even Spotify was like "Hey this is literally all you listened to this year, you good?". Hozier and Wasteland, Baby! have been through one of the toughest years of my life with me - including the transition into a new country - and they will forever have a place in my heart.  -alissa (instagram)
5. march 22, mystic truth by bad suns
up until this year - and this release - bad suns were always a background artist in my life. i’ve been listening to them since they first released “cardiac arrest” and it was a single of the week on itunes, but only casually. this was, however, the year i saw them live, on their mystic truth tour in late spring.  recommendations: away we go, the world and i, love by mistake
6. march 29, you are ok by the maine
the maine are the most dramatic band in the world, and i love them to death for it. after staging a funeral for their 2017 release, lovely little lonely, in october 2018 to signify their departure from social media, they spent nearly six months in silence to write and record before releasing their seventh record, you are ok, this past march. this record makes me more - for lack of a better word - emo than any of their previous work, in spite and as a consequence of its blatant deviation from the loneliness of anything they’ve released pretty much since black & white. you are ok is, from its very first breath, evolved. recommendations: slip the noose, my best habit, tears won’t cry (shinju), heaven we’re already here
7. march 29, when we all fall asleep, where do we go? by billie eilish
the debut full-length from music prodigy billie eilish was long-awaited by dedicated fans and the general public alike, and when it finally dropped in march of this year, not a single person on this planet was disappointed (probably a hyperbole and consequently bad journalism, but who cares, i never claimed to tell the whole entire truth). when we all fall asleep is a genre-defying masterpiece; the tracks don’t feel as if they should be played on the radio, but because of eilish’s more mainstream previous releases, she’d essentially earned a permanent slot in most popular stations’ rotations. i also had the privilege of watching her play to one of the biggest crowds that reading festival’s main stage had ever seen, and she blew myself (and everyone else there) away.  recommendations: xanny, all the good girls go to hell, when the party’s over, my strange addiction, bury a friend
9. april 26, the balance by catfish and the bottlemen
despite criticisms that they’ve been making the same album for five years, i genuinely believe that with every new release, catfish and the bottlemen produce more emotionally coherent and intelligent music. i finally got to see them this year, on their tour supporting the balance, too, after years of casual listening. the balance turned me into a ravenous catfish fan; i spent two months after the show devouring all of the content surrounding them i could find, listening to all three of their albums on repeat, and crying endlessly over how beautiful van mccann is. this album absolutely defined the back half of my 2019, and i’m always shocked to learn that there are people who don’t love it as fiercely as i do. i have such an overflowing fountain of feelings about this album that i’m still not entirely sure how to write about, but all i have to say is that, if you haven’t yet, please please please give this album a spin.  recommendations: fluctuate, conversation, intermission, overlap
10. may 24, future dust by the amazons
the amazons are the best band i discovered this year, hands down. according to my spotify year in review, i listened to over 9 hours of their music since seeing them at reading in august (not including all the times i spun this record on vinyl in that time as well).  future dust is a masterpiece; there is not one bad track; every time i listen to it, it gets better. they’ve got rock and roll on lock. no one else has come close since maybe the arctic monkeys, but the amazons have brought it back. i’m having a hard time stringing together words about the way this record makes me feel, but i hope that you’ll see this, listen to it top to bottom six or seven times, and make your own feelings about it.  recommendations: mother, fuzzy tree, black magic, 25, doubt
11. june 14, doom days by bastille
i will probably forever hate myself for falling out of love with bastille after i graduated high school. i’m not entirely sure what happened (actually, i am - i was shoved too far up the maine’s ass to care about anything else) but i know that i loved them more than anything when i was a teenager, and the doom days album cycle - specifically their reading set - reignited that love, so i’ll be forever grateful to it for that. this album is conceptual and amazing, set over the course of one night when the writer - presumably frontman dan smith, whose brain this came out of - attends a party with his friends in an attempt at escapism. the world is fucked - dan’s words, but also mine - and sometimes we really do just need to pull the wool over our own eyes for once and let loose, even if just for a night. it starts at a “quarter past midnight,” when the night has only just begun, endless possibilities stretched out ahead of him, and finishes with “joy,” about waking up on the kitchen floor, your phone going off in your hand, the only person who really matters in your life on the other end of the line. bastille have always released music that makes it clear that they give a fuck what happens to earth and her people, and with doom days, they’ve perfected that sound.  recommendations: quarter past midnight, divide, million pieces, joy
12. august 23, GINGER by brockhampton
after a brief hiatus, my favourite all-american boyband returned with their fifth studio album, GINGER. with a noticeably matured and somewhat mellowed shift within the hip-hop collective, this record explores themes of grief and disconnection to the backdrop of upbeat melodies such as on "boy bye" and sweet love songs such as on "sugar". though perhaps my favourite sentiment on this record lies within the fact that it opens with the echoed words, "I don't know where I'm going," and closes poignantly with the heartfelt statement, "Thank God that I'm built for the distance." -katy (twitter | instagram)
13. september 13, hypersonic missiles by sam fender
hypersonic missiles, the debut full-length from geordie singer-songwriter-maestro sam fender, was my most anticipated release this year. fender has faced a mess of obstacles this year, mostly health-related, after winning the BRIT awards’ critics’ choice award at the start of it, and as a result has had to cancel a majority of the shows he’d had schedules and push back the release of hypersonic missiles a whole month. it was well worth the wait, though, and i ended up writing an essay-length review of it for highlight magazine when i finally did get to hear it. filled to the brim with emotional ballads and belters alike, hypersonic missiles is a culmination of over five years of songwriting and even longer of sam being fed up - with his government, with his peers, with the misrepresentation of mental health by the media. we’ve only had this record for three months, but i can already tell it’s timeless. i’m only hoping sam’s voice recovers enough that he can continue to tour to promote it before returning to studio (reportedly the electric lady in new york city!) to record his second release.  recommendations: hypersonic missiles, white privilege, you’re not the only one, will we talk?, two people
14. september 13, pride & disaster by sleep on it
my favorite record of the year is undoubtedly ‘Pride & Disaster’ by Sleep On It. Pride & Disaster arrived the perfect time for me, as I just transferred out of college. I felt lost and unsure of my future. However, listening to Pride & Disaster gave me a sense of hope and support that I’ll be okay on my new journey. -julie (twitter)
15. october 4, interrobang by bayside
Just like the title, there's no single form of punctuation that can explain the brilliance of this album. 'Interrobang' takes the classic Bayside sound to a new level with heavier riffs, faster time signatures, and iconic lyrics. From "Heaven," a stand out anthem for aging punks in the scene to "Bury Me," a melodic metal inspired breakout track, this album is laced together perfectly with both the past and future of Bayside. By tip toeing the line between metal, alt rock, and pop punk, the band has shown that even after almost twenty years as a band, they can still innovate and transform with new music. -katie (twitter | instagram) 
16. december 13, fine line by harry styles
i wanted to include this in this roundup, considering i haven’t stopped listening to it since it came out (and i saw him live!), but i did also write an entire review of the album. you can read it here!
honorable mentions (aka albums i didn’t feel like writing an essay about - or just didn’t listen to all that much - but still think you should give a chance)
1. swmrs, berkeley’s on fire (february 15, 2019) 2. circa waves, what’s it like over there? (april 4, 2019 -  i wrote a whole review about this record for highlight and not many of my feelings about it have changed since then.) 3. cage the elephant, social cues (april 19, 2019) 4. ten tonnes, ten tonnes (may 3, 2019) 5. palace, life after (july 12, 2019) 6. clairo, immunity (august 2, 2019) 7. the myserines, take control ep (august 8, 2019) 8. muna, saves the day (september 6, 2019) 9. from indian lakes, dimly lit (october 18, 2019)
0 notes