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flohamilton · 1 year

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Can you do one with Steve Harrington x female reader and the reader has a bad pregnancy and faints or has panic attacks?

Thank you so much for this request!! I am SO SO SO sorry it took me this long to get to it, I had a bit of a rough month haha. But please enjoy <3

paring: Steve Harrington x pregnant!reader

warnings: mentions of pregnancy, anxiety and panic attacks, mentions of blacking out

category: hurt/comfort

word count: 1.3k

Our Girl - Steve Harrington x pregnant!reader

All you needed to do was pee. The baby perfectly positioned herself on your bladder and despite you just having peed only an hour ago, it was dire. There wasn’t much stopping you from staying in your comfortable spot in bed, but you worried you would accidentally pee the bed and waking Steve to help change the sheets was the last thing you wanted to do. That had just happened two weekends ago and even though Steve, being the saint he was, sent you to the couch to lay down while he cleaned up, you couldn’t help but feel extreme guilt for waking him up so often to help deal with you and your pregnancy issues.

You tried to quickly get out of bed, emphasis on tried. At seven months your bump had become big enough to obstruct you from most of your daily activities.

Your shared bedroom with Steve was dark and you stumbled your way to the bathroom, feeling the wall for the light switch. It wasn’t until the bright white lights illuminated the bathroom that you were suddenly hit with a strong bout of dizziness. You groaned, leaning forward onto the sink hoping that would help steady you.

For the past few months of your pregnancy you had been blacking out. It didn’t happen often, but when it did it scared the hell out of you. You rested your head against the edge of the sink, trying to ward away the panic that was rising inside of you. The dizziness was only getting worse and you were beginning to feel more faint by the minute.

“Steve,” you called out, feeling as though your voice was coming out barely above a whisper. You feared he wouldn’t be able to hear you from the bedroom. You started to feel the edges of you vision go dark and your heart was pounding rapidly now. You were beginning to get scared.

“Steve!” you called out with all the strength you could muster, hoping it would be enough for him to hear you. Leaning against the bathroom sink, wrapping your arm protectively around your bump, a small attempt to protect your baby.

You knew you had dropped to the floor and in an instant everything was black. Your brain felt fuzzy and muffled, but you were brought out of it by the sound of Steve’s voice.

“Y/n, I’m right here. Come back to me. You’re okay, come back now,” you hear Steve’s voice, calm, for your sake, but still undeniably shaky.

You began to come out of your unconscious state and moaned slightly as you came to, the bathroom lights seeming all too bright now.

“There’s my girl,” Steve whispered looking down at you from his hovering position above you, relief was painted on his face but you noticed how pale he looked.

“Steve, it happened again,” you whimpered, feeling tears begin to prick your eyes, frustration and defeat building up in you now.

“I know, but it’s okay, you’re okay now - you do feel okay, right? You don’t feel like you’re gonna black out again do you?” His soft brown eyes flashed with worry over your face and body, checking for any signs injury.

“No,” you interjected, feeling slightly flushed at his panicked questions. “I’m just overwhelmed and shaky still.” You paused. “… that was really scary,” you muttered, chest beginning to constrict with anxiety.

Steve took notice immediately, “Here,” he said sitting flat on the floor against the base of the bathroom sink, separating his legs. “Come sit in front of me, babe.” You did your best to crawl closer to him, settling your back against his chest. He wrapped one hand protectively against your bump and grabbed your hand with the other.

“The baby -“ you reached for your bump, desperate to feel any sign of her stirring around, you just wanted to know that she was okay. “I can’t feel her yet.”

At once all of the fears you had for your baby began to invade your mind. You were constantly on pins and needles with anxiety for her, and after this incident, you could swear the pins felt like daggers. Was she okay? Did you hurt her by blacking out? Was your anxiety causing stress for her? The questions swirled in your mind, threatening to take your over completely. You felt your self starting to lose control a bit, your breathing was growing more rapid and your heart was pounding in your chest again. You tried to center yourself with a deep breath but the air felt as if it was caught in your throat, unable to go up or down like you were choking.

“She’s okay, baby, she’s okay. Just breathe y/n, breathe,” he cooed, gently stoking your bump softly. “She’s probably sleeping, she’s should be tried for how much she was kicking you after dinner,” Steve said, an obvious attempt at lightening the mood, but you couldn’t bring yourself to smile, you were too consumed with worry.

Steve leaned looked down at you now, “Y/n,” he sighed, this time in a more serious tone. “I know that was scary, but she’s okay, she’s safe,” he said gesturing to your bump. “You have to try to be calm, honey, I know it’s hell when you can’t feel her moving, but you have to try.”

“I’m trying,” you said, tears had begun to leak from your eyes now. In part from fear of what had just happened but also out of frustration. You wished you could still yourself and be calm but it felt impossible.

“I hate this so much,” you said, fully putting your weight into Steve, leaning back as you broke out into harsh sobs.

“I know… shh, just breathe,” Steve said as he carefully wrapped his arms around you holding you protectively, as if guarding you from all of harms way. You let out another sob, your body wracking with each cry you let out. “Hey baby, no,” Steve said. “Don’t cry, you’re okay now, and so is our little girl, she’s just fine.”

“I’m so scared, Steve,” you angled your body a bit and turned into his chest, crying into his sleep shirt. “I keep blacking out, what if I hurt her?”

“You won’t,” Steve said, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and stoking you softly. “Your body is doing everything it’s supposed to, honey. You’re keeping her safe in there,” he said, putting his large hand on your bump, holding it there encasing you both in comfort.

Somehow you were more at peace being in Steve’s embrace. He made everything better. Truly. You didn’t understand how you got so lucky to have him as your partner through all of this. Your pregnancy had not been an easy one so far but Steve was always at your side and would quite literally do anything to make you feel better.

You placed an tentative hand on your bump, immediately sighing in relief when you felt her begging to stir, sure enough kicking you in the ribs.

“Oh thank God,” you cried out, your body melting back into Steve now, the tension leaving your body all at once. Tears streamed down your face and you choked out a small laugh. “Feel her, Steve,” you said, grabbing his hand and placing it on your bump.

“There’s our girl,” Steve gleamed, obviously relieved as well. “See, she’s just fine in there.” You looked over at Steve to see his eyes gleaming and misty, rapidly blinked a few times and let out a deep exhale. “She’s okay, honey.”

At once your emotions got the best of you, thinking of how good Steve had been to you. He was so attentive to you, always easing your fears and worries. He was your biggest advocate and always took the time to make sure you and your daughter were okay. Always you before him. He was so amazing now you could hardly fathom what he would be like once she was actually born. Tears began to leak from you eyes again.

Steve took notice immediately. “Hey don’t cry, please honey, don’t cry,” he wiped a few tears from your face.

“I’m just so lucky to have you Steve,” you looked at each other for a few moment before Steve leaned forward, closing the gap between you with a gentle kiss.

“I’m lucky to have you,” Steve looked down to your bump then back to. “Both of you,” he said.

#steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x reader #steve Harrington x pregnant reader #dad!steve harrington #stranger things x reader

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callsign-rogueone · 2 months

Text

part of the family - d.a.

Dain Aetos x marked!reader The marked ones have been your only family since your parents were executed — until now. [request] words: 3.7k 🏷: IRON FLAME SPOILERS. she/her afab reader in an established (but secret) relationship with Dain, descriptions of fainting and loss of vision, talk of contraceptives, periods, and pregnancy, you love Dain but he still has his problems (you’ll see), featuring bestie Bodhi (who is the captain of this ship lmao) and older (foster) bro Garrick. went totally overboard on this one but like. girl dad dain 🥺🥰

You slip into the meeting quietly, pressing yourself against the wall -- most assembly gatherings are open to any who wish to attend, but you’d rather them not know you’re here.

Xaden stands before the elders, in the thick of an argument that is very obviously about Dain.

“He’s clearly here as a spy. Why else would he side with us?”

You can’t hold back your response. “Because I showed him everything. Resson, Liam, the wyvern, the fliers, the dagger drops… all of it.”

So much for staying incognito. All heads turn to you, different emotions on their faces. Xaden looks as if you’ve stabbed him. Two of the elders look like they want to kill you where you stand. You can’t quite read the look on Brennan’s face.

“I say we confine her with him,” one says, eyeing you with contempt. “She is clearly a danger to the movement, if she was willing to take such a risk.”

You step forward to address them properly. “It was a calculated risk,” you say carefully. “Of all the marked Tyrrish, I am the one he trusts most. And I was prepared to kill him, had he not changed his mind about us.”

“Does he know that?” Xaden asks.

“No,” you answer, ashamed. You still don’t know if you could have gone through with it — could have lifted the dagger you’d held behind your back while he watched the last year’s events through your eyes and struck true, stopped the heart of the man you love.

Acid rises in your throat at the thought. You swallow it back down, continuing. “He may have hurt us in the past, but he was not raised as we were. A hundred others we brought with us can attest to the history that he was taught, the side of the story he was led to believe until I showed him otherwise.”

The assembly is silent.

You lower your head, unable to look at them. “Lock me up if you wish, kill me if you must. All I ask is that you spare his life.”

Brennan is the first to soften — he knows Dain, regarded him as a younger brother for years. That and the fact that you’re willing to die for the boy is evidence enough for him. “Very well. He may join the rest of us and keep his position as wingleader.”

Nobody dares to disagree with him.

“Thank you,” you say quietly. You bow to them, taking your leave.

It’s easy enough to swipe a plate of food from the kitchens, carrying it up to the room Dain has been locked in all weekend. The guard posted outside sees the mark on your arm, letting you enter without question.

At least two people in this fortress still trust you.

Dain’s head snaps up when the door opens, visibly relaxing as he sees it’s you.

You set the plate aside, moving to embrace him for the first time in days.

“Hi, my love,” he says softly, wrapping his arms around you.

“Hi,” you sniff, eyes watering.

You had told the assembly that you were prepared to kill him, but now that you’re in his arms, you know that you could never do anything to hurt him, no matter what he had decided.

Your tears are falling steadily now — you’ve cried nearly every day these last few weeks, constantly overwhelmed with emotion. You climb into his lap, needing him close.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he soothes, resting his hand on the side of your neck and stroking his thumb over your pulse. This is the closest he’ll come to touching your face since the night he discovered his signet — save for the other day, when you’d taken his hand in yours and pressed it to your cheek, showing him everything.

You’d cracked open your heart for him, spread it onto the table and let him see it all, and he had stood and watched, seen the other side of the story. It had hurt him then, to realize that you’d hidden all of this from him for almost two years, but the warm saltwater dripping onto his hand had snapped him out of it quickly.

He wants to dry your tears again now, to brush them away with a gentle sweep of his finger, but he won’t cross that line with you again. He can’t.

“I love you,” he says softly.

“I love you too,” you answer, rubbing at your eyes with the back of your hand.

He shushes you softly, holding you closer. There’s a moment of calm quiet, the two of you just breathing each other in.

“I told them,” you say in a cracked whisper, unable to keep it from him any longer. “I told the assembly that I showed you everything.”

His eyes widen. “Why did you…?”

“I couldn’t stand silent while they talked about you that way. I convinced them that you are truly our ally, that it wasn’t your fault that you were taught only one side of the story.”

He leans down to rest his forehead against yours, your noses brushing. “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” you reply. “For doing the right thing. I don’t think I could have bared to leave without you.”

He smiles softly. “I would follow you anywhere, my love.”

-------------------------------------------------------

You are so sick of this hike, and you aren’t even halfway done. For team-building, the leadership had said. Yeah, right. You feel like you’ve been herding a pack of wild animals all morning.

“If we press on for twenty minutes, there’s another flat section,” Bodhi explains, showing you the map that Brennan had given you.

You can’t hear the rest of his explanation through the ringing in your ears, the map blurring at the edges. You blink rapidly, trying to clear your vision, but it’s no use — the tiny black spots won’t go away.

“Hey,” Bodhi prods, waving a hand, “are you hearing me?”

“Give me a minute,” you pant, reaching out to touch the wall of rock behind you. Your legs feel too heavy, your upper body too light — your heart is racing, but the beats feel too shallow.

Something is wrong.

“You should sit,” he and your dragon offer at once.

You shift your left leg, moving to lower yourself to the ground, and the black spots grow until you can’t see anything. You lose the last of your balance, crumpling into the dirt.

Bodhi stops your head from hitting the rocks just in time.

-------------------------------------------------------

You don’t remember how you got here, nor much of the physical exam; don’t know if it took five minutes or an hour, but the healer is incredibly gentle with you; speaking softly, giving you water to drink and medicine to take, encouraging you to rest.

You shut your eyes, but you can’t bring yourself to sleep, not when the rest of your friends are still out climbing that mountain, crossing a trail littered with death traps.

“They’re doing just fine,” Cosa soothes. “They’ll be back faster if you sleep.”

You feel much better when you wake up.

The sun is starting to set. You must have been out for hours.

The healer comes back a few minutes later with Dain in tow. You reach for him instantly, relieved to see him in one piece. He stands at the side of the bed, wrapping an arm around you and letting you lean into his side.

“It could be a circulation issue, but since it hasn’t happened before, I’d say it was likely just dehydration and overexertion,” the healer explains.

That’s probably it. You were too busy making sure your section was moving quickly enough, that they were avoiding the traps and staying out of trouble. You’d spent your two rest breaks preventing the riders and fliers from coming to blows, having to physically restrain one of the first-years. Your jaw still aches from where you’d taken an elbow to the face in the process.

“There’s another thing,” she says, hesitating as she looks between you and Dain, appearing to debate if she can say this in front of him -- whatever it is, it clearly isn’t good.

Dain takes your hand in his, intertwining your fingers and looking up at her, waiting.

You nod in permission.

She overcomes her nerves, spitting it out. “You’re… expecting.”

The air in the room stills completely as you take in the information, the soft tick of the clock on the wall the only indication that time hasn’t frozen solid.

“I’ll give you two a minute,” she says quietly, darting out of the room and shutting the door behind her.

You still haven’t moved. You’ve forgotten how to speak.

“Breathe, love,” Dain soothes, rubbing your back. The warmth of his hand brings you out of your stunned haze.

You take in a lungful of air, letting it out slowly.

There’s no denying it, no pleading innocence or wondering how this could have possibly happened — it makes total sense, even through your dull headache and the fog still clouding your mind.

You’ve spent two nights a week in his bed for the last year and a half, and you haven’t had one cup of contraceptive tea since you arrived at Riorson house, or in the month before that either — you’d been out in the field every weekend for your third-year classes.

You’d missed a period or two, but you had chalked it up to the stress of your responsibilities as a section leader and the final straws that had led half the quadrant to desert with you. It would definitely not have been the first time that Basgiath had messed with your cycle; hardly any of the girls in your year got their period until after Threshing.

“Talk to me,” Dain coaxes quietly, looking at you with softness in his eyes.

“Why are you not freaking out right now?” You ask after a moment.

He manages a soft laugh. “I am, but I know you are too, and I’m more worried about you right now.”

You blow out a breath. “I don’t know how we’re gonna do this. None of our friends have kids. My parents are dead, and yours…”

“Have probably already disowned me for being here,” he finishes for you, shrugging, but you can tell it hurts.

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper, guilt tugging at you. Had he stayed behind, he would have been able to keep them, he’d still have the thing you’ve desired most for six years now.

But then you’d be completely alone in raising this child.

The thought sends a sharp spike of fear into your chest. You’ve already lost so many friends in your two years at Basgiath, and you’re headed straight for a war, fighting against dark magic that none of you really understand. What if Dain doesn’t make it through?

“We’ll figure it out,” he reassures you, “together.”

-------------------------------------------------------

Dain doesn’t leave your side all night, keeping one hand on you whenever he can. He treats you like a princess, going so far as to kneel down to lace your boots for you in the morning, despite your quiet insistence that you could do it yourself.

You’re prepared to resume your usual routine; strict professionalism by day, gentle words and soft touches after dark, but he takes your hand, walking down the hall with you to the mess for breakfast.

You get shocked looks from a few of your classmates, but it’s nice being able to be seen with him for once instead of keeping the two of you a secret. Not that you’d be able to for very much longer, anyway — two is quickly going to become three.

It takes all of five minutes for your friends to spot you.

“I called it!” Bodhi exclaims, elbowing Imogen.

“I already knew,” Imogen says, unamused.

You’re deathly still, heart racing.

Dain rests a hand on your lower back as he speaks. “Knew what?”

“About you two hooking up. Do you have any idea how many times you idiots have shown up to morning formation with your shoes untied, wearing each other’s knives?”

You laugh at her bluntness — you thought you’d been slick, always arriving to class five minutes apart and from different directions, avoiding eye contact at all costs… evidently not.

“You two look good together,” Bodhi decides. “It’s weird, but it’s cute.”

You sigh in relief. Bodhi is the one that you knew you could count on to be nice about this; the one you’ve wanted to tell about you and Dain for months now.

Dain blinks. “Why are you guys being so chill right now?”

“Do you not want me to be chill?” Imogen challenges, raising an eyebrow.

“No, I just… I was expecting the shovel talk. You know, the whole “I’ve got a sword and a shovel and I know how to use both” thing?”

“Oh, that’s Garrick’s job,” she supplies, almost too cheerfully. “And I think he’ll be a little more detailed than that.”

Dain pales, realizing that your foster brother likely won’t be as calm about this as your friends — and that there’s another very important thing that you’ll have to tell him, too.

You laugh, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Don’t worry, love. I’ll be there to hold him back.”

Imogen nearly gags at the sight, but straightens her face quickly enough. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Me too,” you respond, smiling for the first time this week.

Maybe this won’t go as terribly as you’d thought.

-------------------------------------------------------

Word travels fast in the rider’s quadrant.

Garrick approaches you in the main hall that afternoon.

You begin the speech you’d rehearsed in your head all morning. “I need to talk to you about something. I-”

He raises a hand, and you fall silent. “Bo already told me, and he made sure I was unarmed for this conversation.”

You let out a sigh of relief — he’s missing his two longswords and the array of daggers he normally keeps strapped to his body.

If you survive the next seven months, you’ll name Bodhi the kid’s godfather for this act alone.

You still place yourself in front of Dain as subtly as you can as Garrick starts a speech of his own.

“You’re an adult, and you can make your own decisions. It’s not my place to tell you what to do off the battlefield. Even if I did, I know you wouldn’t hear it. You’ve always been your own person; it’s one of the things I admire about you.”

You’re actually touched.

“Do you love him?” He asks, looking over at the wingleader, who has remained uncharacteristically silent, probably too terrified to speak.

“I do,” you answer, smiling softly. “I have for two years now.”

Garrick believes you.

It’s clear that the words pain him, but he says them anyway; “Welcome to the family, Aetos.”

Dain extends a hand to shake. “Thank you.”

Garrick takes it, gripping it hard enough to hurt as he tugs him forward, clapping his other hand onto the younger man’s shoulder. “Know that if you ever do anything to hurt her, you’ll be answering to me and me alone.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Dain says, and the Lieutenant knows that he means it.

Garrick leaves before you can work up the courage to tell him the other news.

-------------------------------------------------------

Dozens of riders pass by, ready to head to the flight field and assume their positions — but Dain keeps you locked in place.

“You really expect me to stand idle while you and all of our friends fight for their lives? I should be out there with them!” You huff. You’re ready to fight, fully dressed and heavily armed, and you couldn’t give a damn what he thinks.

“Absolutely not,” Dain says. “I won’t let you risk it.”

You bristle. “That isn’t your call, and you know it!”

“What are you two bickering about at this hour?” Garrick asks, one eyebrow raised.

You cross your arms over your chest, looking at your brother like a child tattling to their schoolteacher. “Please explain to the wingleader that we’re at war, and that he can’t just bench me whenever he feels like it. I’m a grown woman, and I can decide what is and isn’t safe for myself.”

“But it isn’t just you we’re talking about here,” Dain says quietly, genuine hurt in his voice.

You’re silent. Dain has a point — you don’t want to admit it, but he has a point.

Garrick doesn’t follow. “What is he going on about?”

Dain looks at you, standing his ground. “If you won’t tell him, I will.”

Your heart drops. Is he really going to force your hand here?

You have to tell Garrick eventually — you can’t keep this a secret much longer. You decide to rip the bandage off, turning to face your foster brother, though you can’t seem to raise your voice above a whisper as you speak. “Please don’t freak out, but…”

His eyes drop to the hand you have placed over your stomach, a nervous habit you’ve developed in the last week, and he puts it together before you can say the words aloud, lunging toward Dain — he’s going to kill him.

You jump between them, wrapping your arms around Garrick tightly and planting your feet to the floor, pushing him back.

He relaxes at your touch, unfolding the fist that was aimed for Dain’s jaw and resting his hand flat on your back; he could never hurt you, especially not now.

“Please don’t be mad at him,” you say into his shoulder, your eyes still squeezed shut. “This is as much my fault as it is his. We’re both adults, we knew that this could happen, but we acted anyway, and now we’re facing the consequences, together.”

Dain nods in agreement behind you. “I have every intention of marrying your sister and spending the rest of my life with her after this is over.”

You turn back to look at him, stunned.

He's never told you that before. You’d never discussed life beyond graduation — had lost too many of your friends over the years to make any promises about the future, and there was never any guarantee that you’d be stationed together after graduating, either.

“If she’ll have me, that is,” he adds, nervous.

You nod, letting go of Garrick and moving to hug Dain, hiding your face in his neck.

“Are you… crying?” Garrick asks.

“Of course I’m crying,” you sniff. “It’s the hormones.”

Dain laughs, wrapping his arms around you and pressing a kiss to your temple. “I love you, and I’m sorry for overreacting. If you want to fight with us, I won’t stop you.”

“Love you too,” you say quietly.

“Holy shit,” Bodhi breathes from across the room. “I’m gonna be an uncle?”

Oh, gods.

“Congratulations,” he grins at you before running off. “Hey guys! Guess what?”

Three seconds pass, and then there’s a loud “What the fuck?” from down the hall — that can only be Imogen.

You laugh through your tears as the ruckus continues, the rest of the marked ones reacting to the news one by one.

“At least we won’t have to tell everyone ourselves,” Dain jokes, still holding you. “Bodhi will have informed the entire army by noon.”

Garrick shakes his head, laughing too, but he sobers up quickly enough. “The circumstances may be shitty, but this kid is going to have two dozen aunts and uncles who will protect them with their life.”

“And a riot of dragons,” Cosa adds. “We will care for your young like one of ours.”

Dain is right -- you’ll figure this out together; all of you.

-------------------------------------------------------

“A perfect baby girl,” the older of the two healers tells you, smiling warmly.

You sigh in relief, resting back against the pillows and loosening your grip on Dain’s hand.

He presses a kiss to your sweaty forehead, murmuring soft praises; how strong you are, how amazing you were…

“Hi, pretty girl,” the healer coos down at her. “Let’s meet mom and dad, hm?”

It finally sets in for both of you, that you two are mom and dad now — you’re parents.

She slowly transfers the babe into your arms. You’ve never held anything this carefully in your life; afraid to move or breathe, utterly silent.

A tiny hand wiggles free from the blanket, fingers grasping at the air.

“She’s so little,” Dain whispers in awe, extending a finger. She’s quick to wrap her hand around it, latching on to him.

He looks like he’s going to cry.

“She’s not marked,” you breathe.

You’re the first of the marked ones to have a child of your own, and while you knew it was probably irrational, your biggest worry over the last six months — aside from the venin and wyvern or anything terrible happening to you or your friends — was that you would somehow pass down your relic to her, that she would live her whole life with others instantly assuming the worst of her.

“She’s free to be whatever she wants to be,” Dain says, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “She won’t be forced into conscription like we were.”

You still haven’t decided on a name -- until now.

“Saoirse Álainn,” you say softly. “It means beautiful freedom, in the old language.”

“Saoirse Álainn,” he repeats, still gazing down at her. “I like that.”

She’s beautiful indeed — the best of both of you; the gentle warmth of her father’s skin and a dusting of his dark brown hair, your eyes and nose.

“Thank you,” he says quietly, “for showing me that what I’d been taught was wrong, and giving me the greatest gift I could ever ask for.”

You can’t help but melt into him, the exhaustion finally starting to overtake you. It’s been a long night — you’d woken up around two in the morning and realized what was happening, quickly rousing Dain, who carried you down here. It’s almost noon now, soft June sun filtering through the drapes.

“I got her. You should sleep.”

He takes Saorise from you gently, careful to support her head like the healers had taught you as he cradles her in his arms.

The tiny girl makes a soft sound of complaint at the movement, but quickly relaxes, content to fall asleep against his chest.

“Get some rest, my girls,” he whispers. “I’ll be here when you wake.”

#dain aetos #dain aetos x reader #fourth wing #fourth wing x reader #mine

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formulalfc · 6 months

Text

Set Up

Mick x Reader

tw-cheating, crying swearing?

You were sat at home with you two best friends, enjoying a night in as you hadn’t seen them in a while. Ever since you had gone public about your relationship with your boyfriend Mick, you had been spending your time in the paddock with him.

But this weekend while you were in England, which was your home country, Mick had insisted you spend some time with your friends and while you loved going to his races you were more than happy to oblige.

Your night had been going great, drinking wine and gossiping about anything and everything you guys could think of, some rom-com playing quietly in the background while you chatted.

You had just headed to the kitchen to grab another bottle when you heard a gasp from the living room, you frowned quickly grabbing the bottle before heading back to your girls, inquiring, “everything okay?” As you entered the room.

Both girls looked up at you from where they sat huddled around a phone, sympathetic looks on both their faces before one of them said, “I think you’re going to want to see this honey.”

Now you were really worried, depositing the wine on the coffee table as you took the phone that was being handed to you.

Your heart dropped.

On the screen was a twitter thread of pictures of your boyfriend Mick and some random girl seemingly all over each other in the paddock.

For a minute you just sat there frozen until the reality of what you were looking at crashed down and sobs erupted from you.

Your friends manoeuvred you so you were lead between them as you cried and cried, stroking your hair and whispering sweet words to try and make you feel better.

After a while your sobs had quietened down but your mind was moving faster than any f1 car has ever driven.

Maybe this girl was the reason he’d wanted you to have a night in with your girls instead of being at the paddock.

Maybe this relationship didn’t mean as much to him as he said it did.

Maybe he didn’t even love you. Because if he did how could he go and do that with some other woman.

You heard your front door open and close and you scrunched your eyes shut and shoved your face into a pillow not ready to face the man who had just shattered your heart into pieces.

You felt one of your friends get up, placing themselves in front of you in order to make sure he couldn’t get to you.

Mick’s heart shattered as he saw you curled up on the sofa shaking, he had never seen you look so small and the fact that he was the reason you were in this position made him feel an overwhelming sense of self-hatred.

You hear a voice, “baby…. please, I know how it looks b-but I promise you, I swear on anything it is not what it looks like.”

You scoffed, looking up at Mick, “What it looks like Mick is that you were willing to throw away our relationship, everything we worked for over some girl.”

You were furious, absolutely seething now that you had run out of tears.

“No-no-no-no listen, I was in the garage and one of the staff introduced this girl to me and she asked if she could get a picture with me.” He sighed, “I said yes to the picture cause you know me I can’t say no to people and as I put my arm around her she kissed me. Baby I pushed her off straight away but someone must have got that picture in that moment. I love you so so much, more than anything and I am so sorry that she did that and I’m so sorry I didn’t realise what she was going to do.”

Your shoulders slumped, so tired from the rollercoaster of emotions you had been through in the last hour.

From the way Mick was looking at you, tears spilling down onto his cheeks and his bottom lip shaking like he too was trying to make sure he didn’t sob, you knew he was telling the truth.

Your friends seemed to realise it was okay to leave you two alone now and went and sat in the kitchen as they called an uber.

Mick moved closer to you, slowly reaching for your hands, thumbs stroking over your knuckles as you finally looked up into his eyes.

You let your forehead rest on Micks, whispering to him, “I was so scared Micky, I thought you had fallen out of love with me.”

“I could never, ever fall out of love with you my darling”, he stated, placing a kiss on your forehead before he sat down on the sofa and pulled you into his lap.

Tucking his face into your neck and placing kisses along your collarbone, you sighed finally content in his arms again as you spoke, “I think I’ll come to the race tomorrow.”

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arlana-likes-to-write · 3 months

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Update

Hello friends! This update is long over due sorry that I lowkeye disappeared but I wanted to come on here and let you all know that I'm alive and I'm not going anywhere. (Warning: surgery, cancer, hospitalization,)

Life kind of got messy in January. As many of you know, my dad has been battling cancer and his health took a turn for the worse. He had to be hospitalized and had to have surgery. Thankfully, he's on the mend and is officially done with cancer treatment. So my mind was all over the place and it was not on writing lol.

On a more positive note, my best friend came to visit me and we went to NYC where we saw a Broadway show and my girlfriend proposed! So I get to plan a wedding, which is exciting, scary, and overwhelming.

I am also a part of a new gaming group that I created with my friends called Chaotically Queer, you can follow us on Tik Tok.

I am taking this weekend to hopefully work on my stories and come up with a schedule that is not very overwhelming so I can start posting more!

Thank you for all the love and support over my stories! Hopefully 2024 is going well for all of you. Much love!

<3 Arlana

#arlana likes to write update #arlana posts

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our-trans-youth-experience · 2 months

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When I see Nex Benedict's picture, they remind me a lot of my own friends. Nex was only 16, about my age. I wonder what they were going to be when they grew up, what classes they were looking forward to next year, what they wanted to do that weekend. They can't do any of that now because their life was stolen, simply for being trans and indigenous. It makes me so angry and sad, especially since I feel like there's nothing I can do that will ever help.

I know it feels kind of hopeless right now, so I'm going to try to end this with a little bit of positivity:

We're still here. We're going to keep fighting, keep existing, keep surviving. We will let Nex Benedict's memory fuel us to fight harder for our rights.

And you, reading this? Keep going. Keep fighting. Keep being you. You're going to survive, because you have to.

Things will get better. They have to.

The murder of Nex Benedict has been really hard for many, especially trans youth. It can make trans kids feel scared, unsafe, angry, hopeless, overwhelmed and so much more. And for all the trans kids reading this, you are so valid, and so loved, and if you ever feel like there is no one in the world that supports you, know that I am here and I love you all. We will live through this and we will grow into happy, proud trans adults. Things WILL get better.

#trans youth #our trans youth experience #trans kids #enby #nonbinary #transgender #transmasc #transfem #queer #trans #nex benedict #tw murder #child death tw #protect trans lives #protect trans kids #transphobia #trans genocide #hate crime

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lantur · 8 months

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It's been such a rough week+. My mom is still here and I have five more days until she's gone.

Everything I do is messed up or wrong in some way. Things I do wrong:

Cook tonight's dinner recipe

Inside of fridge isn't clean enough

Inside of washing machine isn't clean enough

Boil water for steaming vegetables

Prepare ginger for cooking

Prepare sliced green chilis for cooking

Use the wrong lotions/moisturizers

Prepare frozen vegetables wrong

The way I slice my bell peppers is wrong

Car isn't clean enough

Garage isn't clean enough

Put whipped cream into latte

Dispose of my opened mail and boxes incorrectly

Scoop the kitty litter incorrectly

Buy too much tea

She doesn't just say these things once. Everything is repeated over and over again.

Things I am at risk of, apparently:

Becoming (more) fat

Becoming a hoarder

Miscellaneous other things my mom has complained about:

All of my cousins who are women. (My two male cousins can do no wrong.)

The parenting and appearance of my cousins who are women and/or parents.

Her sisters - including the sister who's let her stay in her home for the past 4 months.

Immigrants with strong accents (my parents are/were immigrants with strong accents...)

I am not kidding or exaggerating when I say my morale is broken. My mom has always been awful - there's a reason I moved halfway across the country from my parents. She's only getting worse with every year that passes, despite my attempts to try and make the relationship work / try to have a positive relationship.

I get no escape/respite from her - just my ~two hours of alone time at night and ~40 minutes at the gym. I don't get to read my book and drink my tea quietly in the morning. I'm not able to listen to my podcasts and audiobooks as I cook, and as I drive to and from the gym. I can't grocery shop alone in peace.

Last weekend was miserable. Pretty much every day since my mom got here on the 7th has been miserable. This visit has basically ruined most of my September. I normally cherish my weekends, and I can't even look forward to this weekend because it'll be more of the same.

I'm so overwhelmed, drained, and miserable. My husband has been encouraging me to cut my mom out for the past 3 years because of how unhappy she makes me, but it's hard/impossible, considering I'm her only child and she doesn't even have my dad anymore. Just wanted to write this to vent and pray for strength and get it out that I'm at the end of my rope.

#lanturing

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escapismqueen · 10 months

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A kind of Chenford fic but more of a 'found family' fic

Notes: Hello everyone ! I know, this is insane, I'm actually posting 🤣. I'm sorry I've been so MIA, I've just really not been in the frame of mind to write at all. But finally, I got some motivation and inspiration so here I am. I know you'll all be used to be Chenford centred fics, and while this does have Chenford in it, this is mostly a Lucy Chen fic. I hope you all give it a try and maybe even like it :) Thankyou for not giving up on me ❤And a special thankyou to my partner in chaos @chenfordspiral who is literally always there for me and has encouraged me all the way, ily ❤

Summary: Lucy wakes up sick and alone. Tim is on an op with Metro, Tamara is out with friends. Who will take care of Miss Lucy Chen?

Inc: Fluff, angst and then just lottssss of fluff. A lot of Lucy, Grey and Luna. And quite a bit of Angela and Nyla too.

Warnings: talk of childhood trauma and illness but nothing explicit.

You don't have to be sorry

Her eyes open hastily, the brightness of the morning sun immediately forcing them closed once again. As Lucy turns to her side and reaches out for Tim, the coldness of the sheets reminds her of his absence; the Metro op that he had to leave for last night. He was going to be there for a few days, so she’d be alone. Normally, this thought wouldn’t have bothered her too much; of course she misses him when he’s gone, but they’re both adults and they’re both aware that their work will sometimes take them away from each other for a couple of days. It was nothing. Two days. But as Lucy awakes more, she notices the splitting pain travelling through her head. She notices the clammy sheen on her skin, the heat radiating up her cheeks and forehead, and the nausea swirling in her chest and up to her throat. She was sick. As she begins to push her face into her pillow for comfort, the blaring sound of her alarm interrupts her. She didn’t know why, but as soon as the sound went off, the tears started to stream.

Lucy was used to looking after herself when she was sick, she’d done it a lot of her life. Whenever she was sick as a child, her Mother and Father seemed to care more about her going to School and not ‘missing out on important learning’ than they did about their Daughter getting better. She couldn’t count the amount of times she’d had to go into School ill, coming home worse than when she left in the morning. The most affection she’d gotten from them when she was sick, was a quick feel of the forehead and a spoonful of medicine to quicken the recovery; so it’s safe to say, she knows how to look after herself. But at this moment, she doesn’t want to look after herself. She wants to be looked after. And this thought is how her tears become more rapid. Tim being away for two days now seemed like the worst thing in the world. She’d only been ill once since being with him, and it was more of a ‘hangover illness’ than an actual one, but he’d spent the day cuddling her, bringing her water, and giving her a scalp massage to ease her banging head. She cried for an hour after he’d fallen asleep, overwhelmed by the kind of affection she never received as a child, the kind of affection she was now craving. Her loneliness sunk in, not helped by the knowledge that Tamara was with her friends for the weekend so right now she had nobody.

Groggily, Lucy lifts her legs over the side of her bed and sits up, the pounding in her head worsening at the shift in positions. As she looks around the empty, quiet room, she knows she’s going to work today; sick or not.

—

As Lucy trudges her way into the station, she doesn’t miss the worried glances that are being sent her way, and it’s not long before Nyla’s grabbing her arm and pulling her into the locker room to sit down. “What the hell is going on with you ? you look like you're on death's door”. Lucy lifts her head carefully to meet eyes with Nyla, but the bright overhead lights only cause her to squeeze her eyes shut. With a concerned sigh, Nyla reaches her hand and places it onto Lucy's forehead; the way only a mother would know how. The tenderness of the touch relaxes Lucy almost instantly, despite the blinding pain not subsiding.

“Okay, you need to go home. I say this with love, but you look like crap” The comment isn’t untrue, and Lucy knows she’s not well enough to be here, but the alternative? The alternative is being alone and being reminded of her strangled relationship with her parents- so that's not happening. Nyla sits down next to Lucy and furrows her brows at the state of her. “Lucy, don’t be stubborn about this, there’s no way you can even do your job well like this”.

Lucy shakes her head in disagreement, the motion coaxing her to wince in discomfort. Nyla scoffs at the action, knowing instantly that Lucy is going to be way too stubborn to go home today. “Alright, if you’re not going home, then you’re sitting with me and Angela today. You will not be going on patrol, and Grey will agree, so” She pushes herself up from the bench and pulls Lucy up by her hands, guiding her slowly to the detective's desks. Nyla pushes Lucy gently down into a chair and grabs a bottle of water from under her desk, along with some Tylenol and offers them to her. “Drink this, and take these. Be thankful that i had a lot of migraines when i was pregnant with Leah” She chuckles at the thought, and watches Lucy swallow down the pills with a frown, clearly not in the right frame of mind to share in Nyla’s humour. Nyla raises her brows and rubs Lucy lovingly on the shoulder. “Okay, I'm gonna go and check in with Grey. Don’t move” She looks to Lucy to confirm that she’ll stay, but the image she is met with is Lucy’s forehead flat against the table, little snores leaving her mouth. Nyla shakes her head in amusement, chuckling at her friend's condition, before turning and making her way to Grey’s office.

—

Grey and Nyla walk up to the detective's desk to go and check on Lucy, only to be greeted with her head nuzzled into Angela’s lap, her fingers stroking her hair protectively. Both of them watch with the biggest smirks on their faces, highly entertained by the scene. Angela looks up at the sound of their snickers, her hands halting in place, eyes rolling at their expressions. “Shut up, she fell on me like this. I swear, I come to work for a break from my motherly duties, and here I am mothering this stubborn idiot”. Although she calls Lucy an idiot, the small smile on her face gives away the affectionate tone behind her words. She looks back towards them both with a questioning glance “So what are we going to do with her ?”. Grey crosses his arms in thought, Nyla soon after mirroring his actions, hoping to come up with an idea herself. Not even a few seconds later, Grey clicks his tongue and nods his head as if in confirmation to himself. “I’m going to take her back home with me. Luna’s there too, and she’d kill me if she found out Lucy had been in the station sick all day. Angela, can you be acting watch commander for the day?” Angela nods assuredly in agreement.

Grey kneels down to Lucy’s eye level, gently shaking her shoulder to wake her. “Lucy, wake up. Wake up.” At the sound of Grey’s deep and commanding voice, her eyes flutter open in confusion, her voice raspy and tired. “Mmhhh, what?” Grey wraps his hands around her arms as Angela pushes her up softly by her waist. “Chen, we're going somewhere. Get in the shop.” Lucy furrows her brows in puzzlement, but manages to stand herself up and drags herself achingly slow towards the shop. Nyla peeks a look at Angela, tickled to find that her amused smile is the same as hers, both know what the other is thinking; Grey is about to go all ‘Dad’ on Lucy, and they can’t help but love the thought.

—

The drive to Grey and Luna’s home is particularly quiet. As soon as Lucy laid her head on the headrest, she was out like a light. Grey couldn't explain it, but he felt incredibly protective of Lucy. He doesn't know when it happened; maybe after she got kidnapped ?, but it had certainly deepend since Jackson’s death. He couldn’t lose another. He'd lost Jackson who he thought of as a son, he wasn’t willing to lose Lucy too- and this is exactly why Grey’s eyes switched from the road to his passenger seat every 30 seconds; just in case.

Grey pulled the car into his driveway and parked in his usual precise manner of taking 5 minutes to park- that Luna constantly made fun of him for. ‘You do realise this is our driveway right ? you don’t have to prove you're good at parking here?’. He chuckles at the recollection and refocuses his attention back on the sick ridden girl in his car. “Lucy, we're here”. Her eyes flutter open once again, only this time, her confusion is evidently more clear. “Where are we ?” Grey looks towards her with a warm smile and points his head in the direction of his house. “I've taken you to my home because you're too ridiculously stubborn to take care of yourself and I also don’t need you getting my other officers sick. So you’re going to follow me inside and let Luna and I take care of you. Sergeant's order.”

Lucy throws her head back, eyes closing in relief. She may not have admitted it, but she felt like hell at the station, and she sure was glad she had somewhere warm and comfy to go now. “Thanks Sarge. I’m sorry. You don’t need to look after me though, I don't want to impose, and I know you’re busy”. Grey wonders to himself for a moment. He notices the guilty look on Lucy’s face as if she's ashamed to need help; as if she feels that she doesn’t deserve it. The realisation of this clenches his heart- he’s heard stories about Lucy’s rocky relationship with her parents, but he hadn’t realised it was like this. He’s been in the police force a long time; he knows trauma when he sees it, and this is childhood trauma without a doubt. “Lucy, it’s my pleasure. Now come on, Luna will be waiting on tenterhooks to nurse you better” They both laugh at the speculation, Grey knowing his wife to a tee, and Lucy having met her enough to know that this is absolutely going to be the case.

—

“Oh sweetie ! Look at you, you’re not fit for work, Come here.” Luna greets Lucy with a maternal expression of sympathy, and a blanket held open by her arms to wrap Lucy tightly in. She hurries forward to the doorway and envelops her into the fluffy blue blanket that usually lays on the arm of their sofa. Rubbing her hands up and down Lucy’s slender and cold arms, she ushers her over to the couch and sits her down. “Honey, go get her some of your sweats. She can’t stay in this uncomfortable uniform all day.” Grey nods at his wife's request and makes way to their shared bedroom for the clothes.

Luna raises her hand to Lucy’s forehead, frowning at the scorching heat that's radiating off of her. “Oh, sweetie, you’ve got a fever, let me go and get you some medicine and then I'll make you some soup.” Lucy looks at Luna with slight tears in her eyes, but shakes her head to rid of them. “Oh, you don’t have to go to that trouble for me, honestly. You’ve done enough.” Luna’s brow’s furrow deeply at the words, knowing that she’s barely even scratched the surface of looking after her. “Lucy, I've barely even done anything yet. Now, you go and get those sweats on” she says as she spots her husband walk back into the room “and then you can lay down and watch TV and I'll sort the rest.” She cups Lucy’s cheeks lovingly, and pulls herself up towards the kitchen.

—

Once she’s all covered in Grey’s oversized sweats, Lucy can’t help but feel incredibly overwhelmed and emotional by the hospitality she’s being shown. She takes the moment of alone time when Luna is in the kitchen to glance her eyes over the house. The walls are cream with family pictures scattered all over. She notices one of Grey and Luna on their wedding day and can’t help but smile at the happiness that’s been captured. Her mind drifts to Tim; she wonders what their wedding will look like, and what their pictures will be like. She laughs to herself at the thought of Tim being told to pose; deciding then and there that a candid photographer is going to be a must for their wedding- whenever he decides to ask her. She lets the thought go for a moment and continues her search of the room she’s in. The sofa is a warm beige, with an array of soft and patterned pillows. The coffee table has a romance novel bookmarked on it, and Grey’s ‘best dad ever’ coffee mug is sitting proudly upon it. The house feels warm. It feels like home. Lucy wouldn't have even had to know the owners to know that it’s a place filled with love.

Before her mind can float to an unhelpful place, Grey walks towards her with a steaming warm cup of lemon and honey. “Here you go. This should help with your throat- i noticed your voice starting to sound raspy.” He sits beside her on the sofa, passing her the drink with one hand, and occupying his other by picking up the side of the fluffy blanket that had started to fall off of her shoulder. Lucy smiles at the act, pulling the blanket more tightly to herself to ease his concern. “Thank you. I really can’t tell you how much this means to me. I was… I was dreading having to be at home alone whilst feeling like this. It reminds me of” she clenches her eyes shut and takes a deep breath “It just makes me feel crappier because I know that Tim would be taking care of me right now if he was here. But.. this is really cheering me up, so thank you.”

Grey sends her a knowing smile, nodding in acknowledgment without pushing her to reveal any details she wasn’t yet comfortable with. “No need to thank us Chen, that’s what you do for the people you care about.” A genuine smile plasters across both of their faces, and a moment of comfortable silence falls upon them.

—

About an hour later, Luna serves the homemade soup into a bowl for Lucy, blowing on it faintly as she makes her way to Lucy's sleeping figure on the sofa. As she lets her eyes wander on the scene in front of her, she turns to her husband, her voice barely above a whisper “Aww, bless her. I feel bad waking her up, but the soup is really going to help her throat and her fever.” Grey nods in agreement, an old family memory coming to the forefront of his mind. He looks up at his wife from his spot on the opposite couch to Lucy “Remember that labor day weekend when Dominique threw up for the entire two days, and we spent all weekend in her room watching Princess movies with her?” He smiles fondly at the memory, Luna cutting in to share another tender anecdote from the time. She giggles at the recollection, a fond smile etching onto her face also. “Yeah, I think we watched Aladdin maybe 50 times” Both of them laugh and nod their heads in agreement, the dreamy tune of ‘A whole new world’ flowing through their minds.

Grey looks over to Lucy’s foetal curled up silhouette, her body positioned to the TV where an old Disney movie is playing. He smiles at the sight “It’s almost as if she’s still here” he smirks. Luna can’t help but spit out a loud laugh at her husband's comment, soon after covering her mouth with her free hand as to not wake the sleeping girl. She looks down towards the soup, noticing the lack of steam emanating from the bowl. “It’s the perfect temperature now. We need to wake her up.” Grey nods and shuffles over to the couch, kneeling down at her side, and begins to lightly shake her shoulder. “Lucy, wake up, soup’s ready.” Her head snaps up in an instant, the smell of warm vegetable soup clouding her nostrils. She hums in satisfaction, the scent cushioning her insides with a warm and cosy sensation. “That smells amazing!” she grumbles out. Luna follows Grey and walks over to the couch, handing her the warm bowl of soup. “I’m glad you think so; this is an old family recipe, my grandma would swear by it!” Grey and Luna each sit either side of Lucy on the sofa, resting their attention on the Television as she swallows down the contents. Both of them are gripped by the musical number flashing before their eyes, until the heartbreaking sound of sniffles and small sobs break through the air.

The worried glances of Grey and Luna flip instantly to the shaking shoulders of Lucy. Without a second thought, Luna bundles Lucy into her arms, cupping her head into her chest as Grey takes the near empty bowl and places it onto the floor. “Oh sweetie, what’s wrong ?” Luna begins to rock her slowly and lovingly, trying her best to soothe the racking of her chest. As Grey begins his search for the tissue box, Lucy tries to stumble out a response to Luna’s question, her throat constricting her from forming a full sentence. “I.. its..my..it’sjustthatyoumustbereallygoodparents” Luna and Grey look at each other puzzled, not quite understanding the words that just came out of her. Grey gets off his spot on the couch and kneels in front of her once again. He looks at Lucy with a tenderness in his eyes, one that reminded Lucy of how he looked at his daughter when she’d come and visit him at the station. It made her heart flutter and clench. “Okay, look at me and copy my breaths okay?” Lucy nods and follows her sergeant's lead and takes several deep breaths, aware of the fact that his title at this moment is very unimportant to him.

Luna has not once let go of Lucy since she began to cry, the tears falling from the sick girl drawing a break through her heart. It’s times like this when Luna understands where the phrase ‘Maternal instincts’ comes from. Lucy notices the tight but protective grip that Luna has on her, her heart swelling at the act, as she begs herself to never forget this feeling. She can feel the cold metal of Luna’s wedding rings through the small holes in the blanket. She can smell Luna’s feminine and rich fragrance as she envelops into her. But the thing she notices the most, is how the parts of her body where Luna’s hands don’t occupy feel cold.

Grey keeps eye contact with Lucy as her breaths become less shaky and staggered. “Okay, now tell us what you were going to say. No rush. Take as much time as you need.” He places his hand affectionately beside her, hoping for her to take it as a promise that he’s here for her.

“I just” Lucy takes a deep breath and everything begins to pour out “I said you must be great parents. The way you've looked after me, and I'm only your officer. It’s been really sweet. Your daughter is a lucky girl.” She looks to both Luna and Grey with a sad smile before continuing with her confession. “I’ve never really experienced anything this family-like before. I don’t have a great relationship with my parents. I never really have. They um, they expect a lot of me, and no matter what, It's just never good enough.” At this, Luna squeezes Lucy’s arm in comfort, an encouraging rub of her arm following to assure her that they can trust her with this information.

“They’ve never told me that they’re proud of me. They hate that I'm a cop; think I can do ‘better’. But I'm used to that- I mean, it's been my whole life. But this, now, with the soup and the blankets and how you’ve both gone out of your way to take care of me; I’ve never really had that from them either, and I guess it’s just brought up some stuff for me. I'm sorry, this is so embarrassing.” Grey shakes his head immediately, the expression on his face alerting her that she has nothing to be embarrassed about. “You have got nothing to be embarrassed by. What you’ve just told us- that’s some real trauma Lucy. It’s not fair that you’ve never felt that kind of love from your parents.” He thinks to himself for a moment, before deciding that he cannot let this go without telling her. “I know I'm not your Father, but for the record, I am immensely proud of you. You are an outstanding woman and an outstanding Cop. I’m proud of you every single day.” He says it with such conviction and confidence that Lucy’s eyes begin to well with unshed tears. She sniffles at his words, grateful and overwhelmed to be hearing this. “Thank you, Sir.” He takes a moment to rub Lucy’s free arm, more affected by her tears than he’d initially thought. “No need to thank us Lucy.” Luna nods in agreement with her husband, her voice now matching the same tone as him. “He’s right. We were more than happy to take care of you today, and every single word that my husband has just said is true. And for the record… If you ever need a Mom and Dad, you’ve got two right here” Luna’s smile is achingly sweet as she says this, Grey following with a sweet and bright smile of his own not long after. Lucy cannot believe she’s even hearing this, but she doesn’t question it anymore as both of their arms wrap tightly around her.

—

As Lucy settles herself in Grey and Luna’s guest bedroom, where they both insisted she stay tonight, her phone begins to ring. Her eyes locked with the picture of her and Tim that popped up on his caller ID. It was a picture from their first official ‘uninterrupted’ date. Tim’s arms were cradled around Lucy's waist as they both looked at each other like the other had hung the stars in the sky. She smiles at the picture before picking it up, excited to talk to her boyfriend who she already misses (not that she’s going to let him in on that secret). “Hey Babe” Her normal voice hasn’t quite returned yet, the hoarse croak replacing her usual smooth and sunny voice. “Hey Sweetheart, you don’t sound too good. Angela told me you were sick-I’m sorry I can't be there for you.” Lucy wanders her mind to today- the caring nature of Nyla and Angela, the decision from Grey to take her home. The way both him and Luna doted on her; it all brings a warmth to her chest “It’s okay. Turns out I have some family to take care of me after all”.

#chenford #therookie #therookiechenford #lucychen #timbradford #wadegrey #luna grey #angela lopez #nyla harper #foundfamily #Spotify

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timeoverload · 2 months

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I am so miserable today. :'( I have been grumpy since I woke up. I did not want to go to work today at all.

I thought things couldn't get worse but they did. While I was setting up this morning, my boss walked in and told me I needed to change my entire process in decontam immediately. I had no warning because she didn't want to stress me out last night. I knew the change was coming because I told the director how much it bothered me that we aren't following the rules in order to save time. We have had 0 infections but I don't feel right continuing to do things the same way they have always been done just because it's faster. I asked him if the eye doctor that owns the hospital was aware of how we have to process our instruments and I found out today that he was not. The main eye coordinator has been withholding that information from the doctors. I think she got in trouble because she wasn't at work today. She has worked there so long so I doubt they will fire her. I am still so mad at her because we probably wouldn't be in this predicament if they did things right from the start. She taught me how to do so many things the wrong way but I know better and I have had to change a lot on my own. I am glad I did the right thing but I am so fucked now because I can't do it by myself all the time anymore. I had 2 people helping me today and it was still overwhelming for all 3 of us. The morning team lead made me feel like shit for saying I needed help because they were "too busy" even though he was just standing around talking to people. There wasn't a lot for them to do and he's just being a jerk. I know I won't always have help. We don't have enough room or equipment to be doing all of this at once. I am upset that they didn't consult with me or invite me to the meeting. They chose the worst time and the busiest day of the week. I ended up having 34 cases today because of add-ons. This morning I was in decontam washing pans for 3 hours straight and I couldn't stop to go drink water or anything because they were moving too fast. It was depressing because I'm used to being able to move around more and I don't like being stuck in that room for hours. I am expecting to have to stay late anyway due to all of this change because I'm not going to leave if it's a mess. I wanted to get out of there early today but I guess I was lucky that I got to leave right on time. There was too much to do.

I am very happy to be home. I am in a lot of pain and my toes hurt. I really wanted to stop and get fast food because I don't think I have had that since December but I didn't. I need to do that this weekend but I just wanted to crawl in bed. I don't know what I am going to eat yet. I don't want to do anything right now. I think I need to go to bed early so I'm not in a terrible mood when I wake up tomorrow. I have to go to my appointment and get groceries. I'm not looking forward to doing that but I should be able to relax afterward. I don't have much else to say. I am going to try to stay positive even though it's so difficult right now. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

I hope everyone has a good day tomorrow!!! :) 💖💖💖

#personal

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tibby · 1 year

Note

well hello… I am but a humble jigsquad Guy thinking about… Amanda. so if you have any thoughts on uhhh mandy and small soft acts of kindness headcanons… that is all Thank U Sm…

i've been talking to my friends about mandy a lot these past few days so you're in luck! all of these are in jigsquad verse, because of course, and feature various dynamics:

amanda has a lot of food insecurity because she's spent most of her life never knowing if the next meal was guaranteed, so when they all go out to dinner she orders more food than she can eat at the time and brings home all her leftovers. she gets her own little fridge for them and the rest of her food.

the first time anybody really celebrates her birthday with her is when she turns thirty, and the guys make her a cake and give her gifts and lynn texts her to wish her a happy birthday too. it's A Lot and she gets pretty emotional and overwhelmed, and at first she's like What The Fuck Is This. but she's loved and safe and happy, and it's times like this when adam has his arm around her shoulder and he's teasing her for getting old (and god, she never thought she'd make it to thirty), that she's able to forget all the horrible things they've had to do for her to have this.

amanda loves to go with lawrence on his weekly grocery shop. it again feeds back into her food insecurity and having the comfort and security to know that she CAN get everything she wants and doesn't have to choose between crackers or cereal to survive off for the next week...it's nice. she gets to spend time with lawrence too which she enjoys more than she's willing to admit.

she has a photo adam took of them all at christmas wearing stupid matching sweaters (amanda and mark grumbled about it but adam is very persistent when he wants to be annoying and lawrence was like Yes Of Course My Darling <3 so they really had no choice) stuck to the wall next to her bed. other stuff is there too: her picture of venus, a napkin from the time she and adam were waiting for the others to arrive at dinner and they tried to draw out a graph to figure out the "mark the weird freak serial killer vs mark the normal-ish guy" math, the torn out cover of a cd booklet from a band that daniel matthews told her about, a pokemon card that diana gave her during one of lawrence's custody weekends. the note from a bouquet of flowers lynn sent her that reads can you please be a little more normal about this stuff? because of the time amanda broke in to leave some flowers on lynn's coffee table.

(amanda breaking into lynn's place to leave lynn gifts is a recurring them, much to lynn's dismay. she'll come home to an envelope of sexy amanda pictures on her bed (taken by adam. what's a few nudes between besties?) and be turned on, but also stand there wondering why amanda has to keep breaking in. it’s just weird.)

amanda doesn't really know what to do when in the presence of diana and corbett (especially as the girls get older and begin to wonder about the things their parents get up to) but she's sweet to them and lets diana paint her nails and buys corbett stuffed toys and leaves pastries for her and lynn whenever she does her old b&e routine.

amanda awkwardly tries to be a mentor to daniel after nerve gas house even though a. she's in no position to mentor anyone about anything ever and b. she played a role in the disappearance/murder of his father. he’s a smart kid so he knows that she’s definitely involved in the jigsaw killings but he also knows that amanda has been through hell and tried to keep him & laura safe and was genuinely distraught by everything xavier did, plus he’s able to understand that his father was the reason amanda began down this path in the first place. so he doesn’t turn her in, and she checks in on him occasionally after everything. invites him to thanksgiving and makes sure he’s staying out of trouble and is like “if you need anything, i have a doctor friend who can help you out” (lawrence is not aware of this). they talk music and she brings him mcdonalds and it's weird and uncomfortable but much like with lynn, daniel knows that amanda is trying.

one of her hobbies is sending hoffman fake news articles from websites like truesciencefax dot org and seeing what he'll believe.

fucking with hoffman generally speaking is one of her favourite things to do, but on the anniversary of angie's death she steals him a pack of cigarettes and her and adam will hang out with hoffman at the house all day to make sure he doesn’t fall back on drinking or get so depressed he starts massacring people. and they just kinda watch movies hoffman likes (top gun, the princess bride, air bud) and let him talk about his dead sister uninterrupted. and the three of them suck at emotions but it’s Enough and lawrence brings home pizza for dinner. something something mark hating amanda at first because angie was dead and here was this junkie, similar to angie in age and appearance and wasting her fucking life. but eventually it turning into “i couldn’t save angie but i can save amanda” something something.

amanda is used to running, to leaving before you get left. and lynn understands this without amanda having to voice it (because really, she never would anyway), and so she doesn't let it eat her alive when amanda keeps leaving her bed before the sun is up. she knows that she has to wait for amanda to come to her. that one day, she'll wake up, and amanda will be fast asleep beside her, dark hair littered with hazel flecks in the morning sun, a rare look of calm on her face. she just has to wait for the day amanda recognises her as a safe place to land.

#ask #inaflashback #headcanons #jigsquad

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inkofamethyst · 8 months

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September 2, 2023

The worst part about all of this (and there are a lot of things I'm down about) is that I can't really even listen to the music that I used to use to calm me down. Austin Wintory's Abzu OST used to be a nearly foolproof fifty-seven minute ride into less anxiety. Comfort music. But now, after vgm was half of my personality for the last two years, it reminds me a lot of what I'm leaving behind (and can never return to). It hurts more than it helps.

I am officially moved in. There are a lot of things that could have gone better or smoother, but this is my first time moving into a non-school-affiliated place, so I'm giving myself grace (and praying that the electric company doesn't turn off our electricity this weekend so we can get that business sorted at open of business next week [edit: sorted!]).

Despite "being moved in" there's still a lot to do. I have to figure out what I'm going to eat tomorrow. And so much more.

I was really stressed out a lot of this week. I'll likely do a more positive recap of the week later, but. I cried on the way to the airport because I was just so overwhelmed by nerves. I had to fight the tears in the airport and on the plane because the TSA lady told me they wouldn't let me on the plane if I seemed too anxious. I felt better after the plane landed. I felt amazing when my parents arrived after a long day's drive (with a ton of my stuff in tow to move in). I started feeling anxious again this morning when it hit that they'd have to leave and I'd be alone again, but this time for twelve weeks and not just a few days. This whole day I've been slipping in and out of anxiety with the anticipation of their eventual departure. My episodes became more frequent as the time drew nearer. They did manage to soothe me enough for me to let them leave, but I'm still a really big bundle of nerves right now. I'm not even sure if I'll be able to sleep well tonight.

I know they're just a phone call away. But the physical distance and time span just seem so huge. And the pressure of where I am and what I'm doing and what this means for me and my family. It is decidedly not imposter syndrome, not now at least. It is most certainly a fear of the unknown.

Today I'm thankful for my parents. I'm thankful that they love me. I'm thankful for their help these past few days. I'm thankful that I can turn to them whenever for whatever. I'm thankful that they were willing to stay in my room with me until I gathered up enough courage to let them go. I'm thankful for their patience. I'm thankful that they know me. I'm thankful that they pay attention. I'm thankful for their support.

I'm also thankful that moving in went well. I'm thankful that I seem to have a solid roommate (who also has caring parents).

I've already decided that I'm going to have a countdown to when I go back home as a widget on my notion. I may not need it by the end of twelve weeks, but for now it may bring some comfort.

Ha, it's been a long time since I've written an entry while crying, it feels like. Down and anxious? Sure, often enough. Snotty and tearful? Feels like it hasn't been since senior year of high school (though I'm sure that can't be true). I don't feel that paralysis though, not really. Like yeah it's been several hours since I've eaten so I feel a little weak, but I know what I want to accomplish before school starts in a few days which certainly isn't a bad sign.

Tonight though? Bathe, change, bed, content. And, for my grand finale, nerves willing, sleep.

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pbandjesse · 4 months

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My allergies went insane today. It was not fun. My face was swollen for half the day I swear. But thankfully I finally am feeling a little more comfortable. It wasn't a total loss of a day but dealing with allergies was a big focus of the day.

I didn't sleep amazing. I was alright. I remember hugging James goodbye. But I was very groggy. When I woke up at 9 I was feeling a little off but it was fine. I got up and started getting ready for the day.

I was a little overwhelmed though. I had a lot of cleaning to do and was already sneezing and kind of uncomfortable. My eyes were already puffy. And I was just feeling pulled in a hundred different directions.

I would finally give up and eat leftovers first. This made me feel a little better and I was able to finish packing my bag for this weekend and getting my final gifts wrapped up. I was having a pretty good time once I got things going.

I did some cleaning. Cleaned the floors. I went and got the mail. I put some stuff together in the studio. I was doing great.

I had finished all my gifts so I started taking those down to the car. I cleaned that out and brought some stuff up too. It was cold out but it was a beautiful day.

Around noon I ran out of steam a bit. My allergies started kicking off and I was wheezing and having a bad time. I took some allergy meds and hoped it would help.

I spent some time laying with sweetp. I was sorting my bags and trying to purge some but that is incredibly hard so I'm just going to take some to camp to store in the art building. Maybe I can give some away there. I also would pack my purse for this weekend with anything I might want or need. I was being very productive despite not feeling amazing.

In some house news, I had some trouble with our home insurance. Even with a fairly good report our insurance man Frank thinks he will have to find someone else. I'm not sure why exactly, I really don't understand the underwriting process. I'm trying my best but it's just so many people involved. We still have to wait on the appraisal but because it was listed for so much more I am only slightly worried it wouldn't appraise for what we offered. But the slight stress is still there.

But in very positive news our loan has been conditionally approved! That's a while step forward! Amazing. I am excited.

I have spent a lot of the last few days making notes myself about things I want build or change create. Figuring out the designs and such. Colors and styles. It feels like my next big project, because realistically it is. And I'm really excited to get to jump into it.

But I cannot be to excited until we have the keys in hand. I can be excited but I also have to be prepared for something to go wrong. I don't really think something will, but I got to be prepared emotionally.

My allergies would get really really bad. I was laying on the couch and my eyes felt like glass and I felt like I was dying. I took meds and went to sit on the fire escape to try to feel better. And it no did help. But it took a long time.

By the time James got home I didn't feel as bad but my eyes were still swollen. They would do their packing and would start making me a baked potato for dinner. I tried not to whine about it to much but I was not feeling great and that was very hard.

They had to run out to get something from their parents. And when they got back we had our dinners and just hung out and it was a nice evening. Slowly I felt better. And when I did I would take a bath and exfoliate and feel very nice. And thankfully that has continued.

I have a pain in my chest and my wrist but beyond that I'm doing pretty well. Me and James are talking about adding windows and doors and moving others. My heart is very full.

Tomorrow James still has work, and I hope it is busy and fun for them. I will try to tie up anything here and just be chill before we head to my parents to spend the night! I wish we could go earlier but we are making it work. I hope you all have a good night. I love you all. Goodnight!

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womenwwe · 1 year

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Former WWE Superstar Kelly Kelly expecting her first child:

Former WWE Superstar Kelly Kelly is pregnant. The news comes after she tragically suffered a miscarrage in August 2021 and her and her husband Joe Coba have been open about their fertility struggles.

"I think for me, the reason I wanted to be so open about my journey was because of the positive response I got back from so many fans and people all around the world, including men, after I shared about my miscarriage and how that experience has also affected them," Kelly told ET. "The overwhelming responses of 'Thank you so much for sharing your story, I wish it was talked about more,' was really all I needed to be inspired to want to be a strong voice and to be open and honest about my fertility journey. I don't want women to think they are alone or going to be looked down on or think something’s wrong with them, so they are ashamed to talk about this. One out of five women struggles to get pregnant after one year of trying."

Kelly Kelly and Joe had the help of the "Egg Whisperer" when it came to going through IVF treatments "I worked with Dr. Aimee Eyvazzadeh, the 'Egg Whisperer,' who is my godsend of an IVF doctor and we did an embryo transfer which was how I was able to be pregnant today," she shares. "Without her, I don’t know if it would have ever been possible, so I’m just so grateful for what IVF has given me, my husband, Joe, to have the family that he's always dreamed of, and what it’s able to do for other women and families. It’s come such a long way. You can also watch my fertility journey in a documentary film called Egg Whispers which will be out soon."

She is currently 14 weeks into her pregnancy and is expected to give birth in September.

"I am feeling amazing," Kelly told ET exclusively. "I’ve been dreaming about this journey to motherhood for so long and starting a family with my incredibly supportive husband, Joe. Now that it’s here, it’s just been such a great experience. Obviously, the first trimester is not so dreamy with all the morning sickness but once I got out of that, the second trimester has been great. I feel like I’m myself again and have all the energy to do the things I love and missed during the first trimester like working out, etcetera."

Kelly says she is going to Los Angeles for WrestleMania, where she will put her baby bump on full display. "WrestleMania is this weekend here in Los Angeles at the SoFi Stadium and I will definitely be attending and can’t wait to debut my belly bump to everyone.

#news #kelly kelly

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shannendoherty-fans · 7 months

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Shannen Doherty Tears Up as She Receives a Standing Ovation During the 'Beverly Hills, 90210' Panel at 90s Con

The 'BH, 90210' cast came together once again at 90s Con, this time in Tampa, Florida, with Doherty giving fans an update on her cancer journey

By Nikki Dobrin andAlexia Fernández

Published on September 17, 2023 05:29PM EDT

Shannen Doherty had an emotional reunion with her Beverly Hills, 90210 castmates this weekend.

Original cast members from the popular '90s teen drama — including Doherty, Tori Spelling, Jason Priestley, Jennie Garth, Ian Ziering, Brian Austin Green and Gabrielle Carteris — came together on stage Sunday to discuss the series and take questions from fans during a 90s Con panel hosted by PEOPLE Senior Editor Breanne L. Heldman in Tampa, Florida.

Toward the end of the panel, Doherty, who has stage 4 breast cancer, received a standing ovation from the audience, causing her to tear up.

"Thank you so much," an emotional Doherty, 52, said to the crowd. "You guys know how much I love crying constantly. And I do, it seems. So, thank you."

In June, Doherty shared that the cancer had spread to her brain and posted a video on Instagram of her undergoing radiation therapy. She had a tumor removed from her head after a CT scan determined that the cancer cells spread from their original site to the brain. "I have a fight for my life, that I deal with every day," Doherty said on Sunday. "I think I am really great."

Doherty joked about something else she thinks she's great at. "My other profession is getting engaged, married and divorced, and I'm doing that very well," said the star, who split in April from her third husband, photographer Kurt Iswarienko after 11 years of marriage.

Next up, Doherty — best known for starring as Brenda Walsh on Beverly Hills, 90210 andPrue Halliwell on Charmed — will launch a podcast in November.

"It’s going to be called Let’s Be Clear, and it’s a live interactive memoir," Doherty shared on Sunday. "So you get to hear everything that I’ve refused to say before. I’m spilling the tea, but nicely!"

She also talked up 50-year-old Green's podcast, Old-ish. "It’s amazing," Doherty said. "So make sure you’re listening to it. Thank you for your love."

Doherty has been open about her cancer journey for years. She was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2015, which went into remission in 2017. She then announced in 2020 that her cancer had returned.

“Our life doesn’t end the minute we get that diagnosis," she told Good Morning America in February 2020. "We still have some living to do.”

During the Charmed panel at 90s Con in Connecticut in March, also moderated by Heldman, Doherty gave a positive update on her health.

In June, Doherty offered another update about the surgery she underwent in January. "January 12, the first round of radiation took place," Doherty explained, alongside an Instagram video of her receiving radiation therapy. "My fear is obvious. I am extremely claustrophobic, and there was a lot going on in my life."

Doherty admitted she felt scared before the surgery. "The fear was overwhelming to me. Scared of all possible bad outcomes, worried about leaving my mom and how that would impact her," she said on Instagram. "Worried that I would come out of surgery not me anymore. This is what cancer can look like.”

In August, as she continued undergoing treatment for breast cancer, Doherty was photographed vacationing on Italy's Amalfi Coast in the fishing village of Nerano, diningal fresco with friends.

Beverly Hills, 90210 aired on Fox from 1990 to 2000 for 10 seasons. There were several spin-offs, including Melrose Place and The Heights, and also a 90210 reboot series featuring some original cast members that aired on The CW between 2008 and 2013. Additionally, the short-lived revival BH90210 aired in 2019.

Over the years, the BH90210 castmates stayed friendly and have been seen together at various events, including last March for the second 90s Con, held at the Connecticut Convention Center.

90s Con Florida began Friday at the Tampa Convention Center and wrapped Sunday. Event organizer That's 4 Entertainment also held a number of other major cast reunions during the convention, including Full House, Saved by the Bell and Charmed.

PHOTOS: Thats4Entertainment/ADRIAN RUIZ

#shannen doherty #90s Con #2023 #events #article #People #2023 Shannen Doherty #2023 articles #People Sept 17 2023 #Beverly Hills 90210 #Tori Spelling #Jennie Garth #Brian Austin Green #Jason Priestley #Gabrielle Carteris #Ian ziering #2023 events #news

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wadupkev · 8 months

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Why I Ran 100 Miles

It honestly has been such a journey to just process this last weekend. Whenever I sit down to write a bit, my throat closes up, my eyes get all watery and I am just overwhelmed with emotions. Nearly all positive emotions. Gratitude? Off the charts. Joy? Off the charts. God is so good. I have my “What I Learned” section first to spare you from reading to whole recap of the race if you don’t want to but if you want to I will rewind to late last week and then roll briefly through the race below in the “Race Recap” section. As always, writing is therapeutic to me so this is really only meant to help me process what just happened but if it’s enjoyable for you to read as well then two birds stoned at once is always better than one stoned alone. I think thats how the saying goes..?

What I Learned

I learned so much about myself in this process. I love love love the idea that small daily decisions can allow you to do things you think are impossible. I am deeper convinced that you should take time to commit to something but when you do, go all in. When I committed to this race, I gave up jobs, relationships, fun nights etc. to chase this dream. It was a selfish decision. I don’t think that it was selfish in a bad way to make that choice, however, knowing what I gave up to be here, I want to be able to focus time into those things. Into a career, relationships, fun nights. Those are all really good things. They had to take a side or back seat for a little to accomplish this dream, but that’s okay. I think it would be selfish for me, just for me, not speaking for anyone else, but for me to continue to train as hard as I did. I am so excited to be able to focus time into other things but I learned that small daily decisions will change your life. Thats true for time with God in his word, time with friends in conversation, and running. That can be true for you if you want to learn guitar, or skateboarding, enjoy a great marriage or whatever. Make small decisions every day that get you closer to that dream.

I learned I can do really hard things. Training was really hard. 100k was really hard. 100 miles was really hard. Waking up early for workouts was really hard. Giving up a lot of fun things was really hard. BUT, in all the hard, that is where I can find out who I really am. Who are you when things are hard? It is easy to define yourself when life is easy, but when your back is up against the wall, do you give up? When you’re 19 hours into a 100 mile race, do you give up? When you take that cold shower, do you give up after 5 seconds? When you say you want to wakeup early, but the snooze is right there, what do you do? Doing hard things forces you to grow. I want to be a better version of myself. For those around me, for God, for myself. Doing hard things gives you the space to say “This is who I am when things are hard. I am someone who will not give up”. It allows you to handle the hard better.

I learned that people have a deep desire to also do hard things and since you are doing something hard, they want to talk about it. I have had so many awesome conversations with people about the why, about training, about goals and dreams and about how we can get to that goal. It fired me up so much to hear some people sign up for a half-marathon, or a walking challenge because they saw me do this race. We all can do hard things, and you will be so glad you did.

You ask what’s next? I do not have any races planned. I just accepted a new job that I am THRILLED about. I am excited to focus some time into that. I am excited for new and old relationships to continue to develop. I am excited about where God has me and is taking me. God has been so so good to me. In the pain and suffering, I felt God, In the highest of highs, I felt God. I am thankful to have so many people who help me focus my gaze on his feet, not mine. Praise you, God.

More than anything, I am so grateful for this experience. It has been one of the coolest journeys in my life. Truly.

The race recap is below. I separated it from this stuff because I know it might be tedious to ready through. I do think it’s a fairly good insight to my brain throughout the day if you have some time to read it and want to but wanted to get these things at you first. A little different of a blog from your boy, but nonetheless a joy to process this with you. Thank you for reading and if you did, shoot me a text with your favorite part. 7192319006.

I love you. I swear.

Race Recap

For almost the entirety of the year, August 19th seemed so far away. Even when we started getting to about a month out, it felt like it was a date that didn’t even exist. It wasn’t until Wednesday, August 16th, that it started to feel real for me. The nerves started to ramp up. The week running wise had been super slow so the body was starting to feel healed up and ready to go. I had just gone up to Leadville to be there through the weekend and was sleeping in a new place around Alec and his crew getting ready for the race as well. The magic of Leadville started to really take a hold of me. We were in one of the most beautiful places, the highest incorporated city in North America, about to spend a day or more exploring the forest with our feet. I surprisingly slept fairly well the night before the race. With a 2:00am wakeup call, I was in bed at 7:30pm and got some decent shut eye. Waking up a half hour before my alarm, I couldn’t dream of those eyes shutting again so the day officially starts at 1:30am. I got up, got my breakfast made (my classic smoothie and some cinnamon rolls) and started to wake the body up. I had a great rollout session, some good stretching and muscle activation and all of a sudden the house was bustling with everyone else waking up and getting ready to head to the start. The energy was hard to control, but I had some tunes rolling, was trying to just remain super chilled out as we headed out the door. No need to let the emotions go crazy yet, it’s going to be a long day. Justin, Jenny and myself hopped in a car and got going to the start line. Jenny and I hopped out close to the start and Justin went to park the car. We had plenty of time after getting my pre-run stretch routine done and just about then we bumped into Alec and the three of us sat on a bench for a bit just trying to relax before we headed into the starting corral. It got close to 3:45a, we got out last little bit of pee out and headed to the start.

Alec and I gave each other our best, a good hug, and then we were off on our own ways. I got into the corral and started making my way up the group a little bit. The first section bottlenecks down to a single track trail about 5 miles into the race so I wanted to stage myself a bit to avoid getting stuck behind a slower group (make no mistake, I was still running slow, some groups just really take their time). Gave a couple people around me a fist bump and probably a really lame joke and then boom. The gun goes off and we are running. I didn’t have my headlamp on because so many people around me did and it was so fun to just take in the start. It’s the most congested the race ever is and I wanted to enjoy being around a bunch of other “crazy” people before we all get spread out. The first 3ish miles are all on a dirt road with a slight decline. And boy oh boy were people running really fricken fast. Guys mostly would hop off the road on either side and let out a little more liquid. I did the same. It’s wild how much was in my system at the start because 15 minutes after my first leak I had to go again. So grateful that process is a little easier for us gentlemen but there were some bold women out there as well. Ha. I ran a bit right behind Adam Klink from BPN which was fun but really just started settling into what would be a long day. I was behind a group starting around the single track trail around Turquoise Lake and the leader took us off trail briefly. We all panicked and tried to find the pink trail markers again which were very close by, thank the Lord. This was the first rhythm finding of the day. We just trucked along at an easy pace around the lake knowing the easiest part of the race was done. It was still dark but the sky started turning that not black pitch of blue that early morning risers see. We got out of the trail and onto the pavement and I knew I would be able to ditch the headlamp as we were getting more and more light every second it seemed.

I made my way up through the Mayqueen campground and then saw the mass of people. I found Mike, Chris and Kyle relatively fast. We walked through the lines of people exchanging water bottles, restocking on food, getting a pop tart down and then I was off. That aid station went super fast. I got onto the Colorado Trail and started finding the rhythm again. Some really bold guy decided to hop 5 FEET off trail and go number 2. I laughed a bit but as I passed him and took a whiff of the most foul number 2 smell I can describe, my laughs turned to gagging really quick. That gagging turned into my first expulsion from my body for the day. “Great” I thought. I felt much better after that but was slightly bummed my first throw up came so early in the day. We got out of the trees and onto the Hagerman pass road, trucked along that for a bit before turning up the 4x4 road up Sugarloaf pass. Ran most of that before turning on the power hike for the slightly steeper sections. Got to the top relatively quick and then cruised down the Powerline side. That run down was really fun. Was ripping and just having a great time. Turned onto the pavement, got into another groove and started being able to see the Outward Bound aid station. The cars park there in the dirt so there was this huge plume of dirt in the air in the distance. Made for a pretty cool sight and was easy to distinguish how much further to go until we got there.

Pulled in, found Tom and Chris and started walking towards the rest of our crew. So many people were using my name telling me good luck and I had no idea how they knew what my names was. Then I look to my left and my cousin Tom is holding a huge sign that just says KEVIN on it in all caps. Love that guy. I saw Michael and Alexis and my Mom and Dad for the first time which was a boost. We changed into a t-shirt for the hotter part of the day, got sunscreen and sunglasses on, ate an english muffin with honey and got out of there. I can’t begin to tell you how great everyone on my crew did. They CRUSHED. I found a guy that I had run some of Powerline down with and just got on his feet and trucked along with him for a bit. I knew getting into a rhythm on this section would be a great idea to bank some time. I came to find out he had raced this race 6 times before. I knew I was in good company so I asked if I could just hang on him for a bit and he said yes. We cruised all the way to Pipeline where he dropped off to get some aid from his crew. I skipped this crew aid station and opted to just stay in the rhythm. I started getting low on water but knew the Halfpipe aid station would be coming up soon so I wasn’t too worried. I thought I knew where the aid station was going to be and I came up on another aid station earlier than expected. Not knowing if this was Halfpipe, and not asking either like a weenie, I only filled one of my bottles and kept going thinking I would hit another one pretty soon. I sure did not. Even the fluids only aid station had not been set up yet. I hit my first little bit of concern for the day being dry on fluids for 40 or so minutes heading into Twin Lakes.

I got into Twin and made my way down to where my crew was. Another relatively quick aid station, I attempted to get some pickle juice down as a preventative measure against cramping which had not been a problem yet and just couldn’t get it to go down. Bleh. The stuff my mom bought was SO STRONG. Ew. No good. Ate a nutella sandwich, restocked gels, waffles and liquids, more sunscreen and I was off again. Saw Al’s crew cheering which gave me a boost and headed for the river. Did the river crossing which felt SO GOOD. Freezing water flowing over tired feet was dreamy. Left there and got into the trees to start the first climb over Hope Pass. Settled into a good groove of power hiking and just turned the brain off and went to work. I thought I might use music or podcasts at this point but I forgot to ask for my headphones in Twin Lakes and I sure as hell wasn’t going to turn around to go get them. Finally started reaching the meadows in the basin just below the pass, saw the llamas who brought the aid station supplies up. Gave them a nod and a thank you and got fluids refilled at the aid station there, made the final push to the summit and then flew down the back of Hope. About halfway down was when I passed JP, the guy in first place, who at that point was probably 8ish miles ahead. CRUISING. Dude looked good. Made it into Winfield with the intention of not sitting down and spending as little time as possible there. Got some DELICIOUS watermelon, turned and burned.

Making the way back to Hope Pass for round two and I ran into Alec. So fun to see him and see him crushing. Quick little boost from that and seeing another friend from an earlier race in the year, I got to the climb and knew it was going to be a grind. This was probably the hardest physical part of the race. The backside of Hope is really fricken steep. The kind of steep where your heels don’t touch the ground very much as you ascend. Another settle into a groove and grind time. What felt like forever was finally over as we got to the top and started descending first to the Hopeless aid station and then to Twin Lakes. This was when I started feeling pretty lonely out there. There weren't many people around me and I would pass a few hikers every 15 minutes or so. I could tell I was starting to get to the point where I needed someone to run with. Crossed the river again which was incredible. Splashed some water on my face and got into a trot to Twin Lakes. Connected with Tom before the aid station to let him know what I wanted. Fun story about a DNF (did not finish) fakeout that threw everyone in my crew and spectators for a loop later. This aid station was my longest and it was planned that way. I did a full change of clothes, a baby wipe shower, talked with my coach briefly on the phone (shoutout Morgan Murri. Such a legend) brushed my teeth and ate a hamburger and slammed some Redbull. My first real caffeine for the day. I felt like a new man leaving that aid station. Justin Makkay hopped on the train and I was finally not alone.

We climbed out of Twin and got to the top before getting into a decent groove back to Outward Bound. The sunset between Twin and Outward Bound and was gorgeous. Such a joy and another quick boost of energy just soaking in God’s beauty. Golden hour was such a highlight. We turned our headlamps on and I knew that now that the sun was gone, it’s game on. This is where we really turn the work on because one of the dreams was to chase the sun and beat it up. I didn’t want to refresher on the second day that the sun coming up gives you. I wanted to be done before that. We got to Pipeline and saw a few people, quick refresh before heading to OB. We had a pretty good rhythm all the way to Outward Bound. Another round of eating and refreshing before the second to last segment. As I was heading out of OB, I heard some voices yelling my name. I saw my Noah’s crew for the first time and oh man did that give be a BIG boost. Some of them earlier in the week told me they were going to come see me in Twin Lakes. When I went through TL and left without seeing them I was pretty bummed thinking I wouldn’t see any of them the rest of the race. When I saw them at Outward Bound I was so stinking happy. It was such a surprise and filled my cup quite a bit. I am sorry to whoever’s jacket I got Nutella on during our group hug.. I thought about that way too much haha.

Leaving OB with a full cup, I threw some of that cup up. Just liquids so we were all good. Justin and I started the Powerline climb and were doing great for a while. Then all of a sudden I am puking my brains out. Justin and I both whisper some profanities knowing it was more than just liquid in this one. We both knew I needed to eat something soon which gratefully Space Camp aid station was coming up. That climb was mentally really hard especially after yucking up everything. Fought some demons for sure and was deep in the pain cave. This was when I started wanting it all to be over. We had a little less than 5 hours to go and all I wanted was for it do be done. I probably could have done a better job framing this in my head, but lessons learned. Justin shared some great stoic wisdom here that “the only way is through” and “you will love the person on the other side if you keep going but will despise the person on the other side if you give up”. We finally made our way into Mayqueen, the last aid station, and my buddy Chris asks me what I need. I had been prepping for this moment. “For this to be over”. This was the first time my crew saw me not in the best mood. It was the first time for me coming into an aid station that I wasn’t excited. I wanted to get the heck out of there and be done knowing still we had 3+ hours to go. At this point I knew we were good for a sub-25 finish. Sub-24 was the question and I had a hilarious thought. If I go sub-24, I can’t tell anyone I have run for 24 hours before. What a dumb thing to think but I think it settled my brain a little to take some pressure off and not feel like we had to dive deeper and deeper into the cave just to go sub-24. The goal from the start was sub-25 and we had plenty of time to make that happen.

I picked up Jenny, my pacer for the last section, and we headed off into the single track. She kept trying to get me to run which I appreciated but was struggling to do. We got to the last big long road climb and decided to power hike at a good pace til the end. It was kind of cool because that whole road was lined with these big signs of all the previous years winners. Starting in 1983 and culminating in 2022. At about the 2002 sign, I was sick of seeing them. It felt like we still had so long to go. We turned onto 6th street and got to the top of the hill before turning the gas on for one last push. I knew this would be an emotional time and I had every intention of soaking it all in. I started struggling to breathe, tears started flowing. I heard everyone yelling and boy did the reflection start. Just thinking about all the work put in, all the time invested from myself and other people, the things sacrificed to be here. The fun nights that everyone at Noah's got to enjoy while I was in bed getting ready for an early workout the next day. It all was flashing in front of my eyes and I was a wreck. One of the best moments in my life. I saw an even bigger crowd of Noah's people, I saw my crew, and we all headed into the finish line together. What a treat it was to cross the line with them. This was such a team effort and I really do believe I had one of the best crews out there. Everyone handled their role so so well. My pacers were so encouraging and joyful to be around. The whole day was a treat. I got my finisher medal, hugged Merilee and Ken, and got my BIG BUCKLE! LFG! Got to hug all my people and get pictures with everyone. My heart was so full and my legs were so empty. Such a fascinating experience. Final time of 24:15:03 good for 58/826.

From there we headed back to the house. Showered and chatted a bit about the day. This is when I found out about the DNF scare. I guess right before I got into Twin Lakes Inbound, the website updated and said I DNF’d. My crews hearts dropped and the concern skyrocketed. It didn’t really make sense because I was heading down Hope pass towards Twin Lakes so to DNF in that section didn’t make any sense unless I had a nasty injury and maybe was getting airlifted or stretchered down (which aren’t really options). My cousin Tom meeting me so far before the aid station was to get eyes on me and make sure I was okay. He had a car ready if I needed to go to the hospital. He called the crew and let them know I was all good. I saw some texts after the race with condolences because they thought I dropped out. Praise God that didn’t happen because I would dread having to go back to do it again. I didn’t see my Noahs crew at Twin because they thought I had dropped out. The whole situation was comical. My crew made the choice not to tell me anything about that situation until after the race which was a good idea. I guess it was just an input error and 391 dropped, not me, 392.

After sharing some funny stories from the day, we headed back to the finish line to watch Alec cross. What a freaking champ dude. Being on his crew last year and us collectively coming up short was such a bummer. I was so stoked to see him cross that finish line. We have trained a bunch together and had so many conversations about this race and how we have grown in its process. Way to go, Alec. So dang proud of you.

Mike, Jenny, Chris, Kyle and I went to breakfast. Slammed some delicious food before heading back to the finish line to watch the last hour. That last hour is such an inspiring thing. These people have suffered for so long, eaten so many gels and other disgusting things and even had the pressure of chasing cut-off times at previous aid stations all day. I cannot imagine what that is like to the brain. Needless to say, the last hour is an inspiring thing to see. I loved seeing people soak up the moment and let go of their emotions. What a human experience.

We then headed back to the house, packed up, headed back to BV and slammed some pizza before passing out for a nap. 3.5 hours later, woke up, ate some dinner, passed out again for sleep.

Since Sunday, I have been feeling exponentially better every day. I am still getting back to 100% and full expect that to take some time to get to. I am catching up on sleep, calories, rest and silence and solitude. I am cherishing these moments as some of the best in my life. God is good.

Shoutouts here to:

Jenny Ryan and Justin Makkay - Pacers, long hours spent running together, encouragement

Mom and Dad - Food King and Queen, supporting me through this whole thing

Mike Bacciarini - Checklist Chief, book club dawg and processing training and life with me

Kyle Shiller - Timing Emperor, book club dawg and processing training and life with me

Chris Grall - Fluids Commander, been at all my big races. Loyalty

Tom Warren - Vest Manager, a dude I look up to a bunch

Michael and Alexis Rhodes - Doing whatever was needed, your friendship

My Noah’s Fam - True Inspirations and some of the kindest people ever

Rob Williams and Daniel Carr - For a job while training and letting me be back in one of my favorite places ever

Coach Morgan Murri - The one who knows my training the most and has hit me with encouragement exactly when I needed it, pushed me when I need it, and gave me so much amazing insight into the crazy sport of Ultra Running

Literally everyone I know - For being so dang supportive of this crazy dream. Couldn’t do it without my tribe.

Words cannot describe my gratitude to all of you. This dream was a team effort and you are my team. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

#ultrarunning #trail running #running

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