#time isn't real since the pandemic started and also I still have covid and my head is a little addled from the cold medicine

[drowningparty]

Recent WLW/GL Series Guide

Going to start a compendium for all things wlw but until then, so everyone is in the loop, will recommend some recently completed and currently airing shows I think people should check out:

Lulu (2022, Philippines) A really great, feel-good show, low budget and a little ridiculous but I love the main couple so much! Watched this with a friend and we both really appreciated how real they and their relationship felt, you could tell this show was made with love. A young woman decides to get away from it all following a break-up, deleting her social media and taking over her family’s sleepy beachside B&B, only to fall for her one-and-only guest, a mysterious tomboy with a pet cactus. When the pandemic hits, they are forced to spend lockdown alone together. 8 episodes, about 30 minutes.

Sleep With Me (2022, Philippines) Excellent series about two young women navigating dating and disability. Love, love, love that they do not exist in isolation, and that their relationship isn’t their entire world, they have friends and families and a job, and how very clear it is they love each other. Also the disabled wlw rep really got me as a disabled wlw its hard out there this series was so important to me. 6 episodes, about 30 minutes each.

Pearl Next Door (2020, Philippines) Spin-off GL webseries featuring a side character from a more popular BL series, filmed like a video blog as the main character, Pearl, navigates dating during lockdown. Very bubbly, bright, but I just felt like I was eavesdropping on a private video chat and couldn’t get into it myself.

Chasing Sunsets (2020, Philippines) Another low budget GL webseries about women falling in love during lockdown, but darker than the last one, deals with  heavy mental health themes, content warnings are on the tin, meant to be educational as well as entertaining.

BetCin (2021, Philippines) An internet famous couple on the verge of a break-up have to pretend to still be in love to win a #relationshipgoals award with a 10 million pesos reward. Still need to watch this but I’ve heard it’s not very good, too L-Word and behind a paywall. Romcom. 8 episodes.

She Makes My Heart Flutter (2022, Korean) New mini-series which fast became a favourite about the dynamic between an aunt and a niece, both lesbians, who both end up working at the same women-only book cafe/bar, the Dickenson Room. Both are at very different places in their life, with the outgoing young niece a popular university student, easily falling in and out of relationships and open about her sexuality, while the shy, beautiful, but intensely private aunt has long been nursing a crush on the same woman, but is afraid she may be straight / not interested. Both help each other navigate romantic relationships, as well as being closeted to their extended family. 5 episodes, 11-16 minutes each.

Our Relationship Ended Before It Began (2022, Korean) Very cute mini-series, an overworked barista develops a crush on her tomboyish boss, doesn’t know what to do about it. Extremely sweet, but too short!

Girlfriend Project Day 1 (2022, Korean) Fun little mini-series, but too short! They are working on funding a season 2. Episodes only 5-9 minutes long, and only 5 altogether, but worth a watch. Two university students, one outgoing, one shy, have to pretend to be in a relationship for a psychology project,  decide to try dating for real.

Welcome to the Lesbian Bar (2023, Korean) 5 episodes, 6-7 minutes, mini-series follows lesbians in a small bar in South Korea. Loved this one, very sweet, very realistic, wish the episodes were a little longer / we got more but really love what we get, good representation of different relationships and dynamics, and also has two butches/toms! The head bartender is wonderful, helps tie together different, unconnected stories.

Love Tech (2021, Korean) Started strong but lost me by the end. Still, it might be your cup of tea! A short black mirror-esque exploration of a dating service that dictates your life, including when and where and how often you go on dates and when your relationship ends. Two women try to game the system.

Nevertheless (2021, Korean) They aren’t the main characters but there is a very sweet best friends to lovers side plot between two female students at this art college which is so good I don’t think anyone should miss it. If you, like me, have no interest in the main plot, there are also compilations available online of just their scenes which I highly recommend, and gives you a movie-length show all your own. Explores coming out a little too, in a quiet way. It’s an art school.

My Fairy Ghost (2022, Japan) Only 4 episodes but really well done. A young novelist struggling to find inspiration for her next novel meets and falls in love with the ghost of an artist who needs her help. Excellent content, liked and subscribed, beautifully done. Loved this!

Six Survivors (2022, Japan) 6 episodes, 24 mins each. Contemporary scifi romcom with young zombie survivors taking cover in a mall and trying to ride out the worst of the apocalypse. Extremely cute, has some gay + bisexual female characters and a love triangle between three of them. There is a little blood and a few supporting characters become zombies, but very light on the actual horror, mostly a character study. Pretty fun.

Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury (2022-2023, Japan) 12 episode first season, second season currently airing, anime, really great series for sci-fi fans even if you know nothing about the franchise (I went in blind and had no trouble), entire first season available on youtube w/ subs, and the dub has just started airing if you prefer dubs. Two girls at a dueling mobile suit school in space become engaged, start a company, and learn about the horrors of war. Not to be missed. (cw: violence, gore, murder, doppelgangers, psychological abuse, childhood trauma, death of family members, child endangerment.)

The Executioner and Her Way of Life (2022, Japan) Another anime that aired last year, 12 episodes, a joy for fans of unhinged, violent women slowly falling in love. The plot is contrived, but good for fans of adventure fantasy. Basically: a magic assassin / priestess is told she has to end the life of an isekai’d girl who can magically control time before she becomes too powerful. It doesn’t help that the girl she’s trying to assassinate falls in love with her, and seems to be impossible to kill, no matter how hard she tries. Contains a nice twist halfway through which made me love their dynamic. (cw: murder, gaslighting, backstabbing, manipulation, bullying.)

The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady (2023, Japan) 12 episodes, 20-25 mins each, extremely gay and breezy fantasy comedy drama! A young princess who gave up the throne steals her brother’s fiancee so she can have an assistant for her magical experiments. Very fun, contains magic and a vampire. If you enjoy it, there’s also a light novel / manga.

Yuri Is My Job! (2023, Japan) Recently started airing anime based on the manga, gay schoolgirls work at a themed cafe where they pretend to be gay schoolgirls, everyone is putting on an act and everyone is into someone who is into someone else, a light comedy that purportedly gets more dramatic as it goes.

I’m In Love with the Villainess (2023, Japan) also translated as I Favour the Villainess, currently airing anime adaptation of a yuri manga, kind of unique for having a protagonist who self-identifies as a lesbian and there’s even a fairly frank discussion of sexuality in an early episode. Anyway, it’s got magic and a pseudo-historic setting (it’s in a video game, and, as I have mentioned, there’s magic). Should have 12 episodes, around 20-24 minutes each.

She Loves To Cook, She Loves To Eat (2023-2024, Japan) Slice-of-light, slow-paced, wholesome drama about two working, independent women who live in the same apartment complex and meet by chance. One of them loves cooking, but has no one to cook for. The other loves eating. A slow but believable, tender story about slowly falling in love over a shared love of food, would be good for fans of cooking shows as cooking is a big focus. One is just beginning to realise she’s a lesbian. 10 episodes, about 14-15 mins each. Longer second season airing now!

Chaser Game W (2024, Japan) 8 episodes, each 23-24 mins. Former girlfriends, broke-up years ago, now one of them hates the other, modern office romance, high drama, lot of tension, surprising amount of fluff for how angsty it is, one of them is married with a kid, this is a wild ride start to finish but very enjoyable if you don’t mind the fact the main couple never actually talk no one ever talks there’s no talking just a couple that’s very cute being put into a series of situations.

Stupid Wife (2022, Brazil) A woman wakes up after forgetting the last ten years of her life to find herself married to a woman she remembers hating in college with a child. Serious drama, has some darker moments, but with tender moments mixed in, you get to watch them slowly fall in love again. Completed. 8 episodes, 20-30 mins each.

Legend of Yunze (2021-2022, China) A really excellent wuxia featuring two women who fall in love, magic and demons and swordfights. The spin-off series which followed earlier this year, where they are re-incarnated in the modern day and fall in love there as well, also really delightful, and a translation of the second series is now available on youtube. (If you enjoyed this, definitely check out Legend of Yun Qian as well! It’s one of the best things I’ve ever seen and pure candy.)

Led Astray By Love (2022, China) Isekai where a woman from the modern day gets transported into the manhua she’s reading, falls in love with a politically-ambitious woman she initially believes is mute, who fears she may be a spy. Really funny, tooth-rottingly sweet, with a convuluted plot and bitesize episodes that fly by, I loved every minute of it.

Couple of Mirrors (2021, China) First season completed, but renewed for a second. Historical Chinese drama set in the 1920s about an assassin and a famous author whose lives become entangled following a murder. Mainstream, so heavily censored version of a very gay novel/manga, so keep that in mind, but it’s very clear they’re in love and surprisingly domestic near the end. (Murder mystery / police procedural focus since they’re not legally allowed to kiss, so usual cw apply: violence, murder, child endangerment.)

The Vampires (2022, China) Two young women investigate an old haunted ship and find its full of undead with complicated pasts. Very gay in a heavily censored way, surprisingly brilliant special effects and action scenes, fast-paced and engaging. 40 mins. (cw: fantasy violence, blood.)

Nü Er Hong (2023, China) Complete. Mini-series with very short episodes compiled into one hour long video w/ subs, chaotic good fun for fans of wuxia gl with sci-fi/fantasy elements, they are witch/demon/vampires from space? timeless and in love? I am biased b/c I am personally in love with Wang Laoji and women doing martial arts/being gay, but this is a fun one, if you can follow the slightly confusing plot. If you liked Legend of Yunze, don’t miss this one! (cw: blood, vampirism, misogyny, fantasy violence)

A Flower for Three Lifetimes (2023, China) Completed mini-series, short episodes, 30 mins altogether. A flower becomes a real woman and falls in love with her keeper. Costume drama / xianxia.

Wicked Wealthy Women (2023, China) Mini-series, short episodes. Not for me, the plot was too convoluted and hard to follow, but I know it has a big following! A beautiful young woman marries a rich older man because she plans to murder him, quickly learns the rest of his family wants him dead, too. Rich people drama / murder mystery with a lot of backstabbing. Sequel series recently released, too, for fans! (cw: murder / gun violence, ableism, domestic violence, noncon, car accident, suicide, no happy ending.)

A Practical Guide to Being a Superstars Assistant (2022, China) Completed short mini-series, 13 mins. Contemporary romance between a rich, spoiled idol and her personal assistant, a secret fan.

Yun Zhi Xi / Cloudy Stream (2023, China) Upcoming mini-series, supernatural GL drama set in a school. Contemporary with magic / alternate universes.

Sunflowers / Feng Ling Yu Xiu (2017-2023, China) Donghua, extremely sweet animated series following the adventures of two girls who are very much in love. They are both soulmates and both extremely good at fighting and this became a favourite so fast they are so in love its ridiculous and I think about them constantly. S2 started airing this summer, and is also available on youtube w/ subs  (+ Lunar New Year Special!!!)

Dear Uranus (2021, Taiwan) Short mini-series, about lesbians and gncs at a school in Taiwan, develops into a love triangle, made by and for lesbians. A lot of fun but too short, open-ended finale, holding out they make more episodes.

Handsome Stewardess (2019, Taiwan) Okay, not as ‘new’ as the others, but new to me, and I really fucking loved this series about a tom named Holly who wants to spend her life with her new girlfriend, a martial artist, but money is an issue, so she decides to get a job as a stewardess, even though she has to wear a dress. Dramedy, has some very funny, light-hearted moments and some very sad moments mixed together, but I loved this one a lot and have yet to find anything else that can hold a candle to it. (cw: they go hard on fighting sexual harassment, which includes depicting a lot of sexual harassment, be warned; a main character also becomes seriously injured.)

Secrets of 1979 (2021, Taiwan) Not a series so this is technically cheating but this is an amazing movie by Zero Chou that I need to rave about, it’s so good and I think everyone should see it! Two university students who are very much in love spend the summer with one of the couple’s families, living and working on a banana farm. They also end up helping out a magazine all about freedom of information and expression, something the current military regime rulling Taiwan does not condone. (cw: police brutality, violence.)

Fragrance of the First Flower (2021, Taiwan) This series really was not for me, too serious and slow-paced, but I’m sure others will enjoy this series about a wife and mother in a loveless marriage who reconnects with the girl she had a crush on when she was younger, but they were both too afraid to act on it. Now they’ve grown up she wonders if she can.

Encore Martha (2021, Taiwan) Standalone short, but I think it still merits inclusion, as it’s rare to see older lesbians get a shout, and she still looks amazing in her suit! A senior lesbian tom runs into an old love, and they try to reconnect.

2PM Campus (Thai) Follows some female friends in their 20s at university. 4 episodes, around 18-25 mins each. Includes a wlw romance.

Nothing Happens By Accident (2022, Thai) 3 episodes, 8 mins. Contemporary romance. Hurt/comfort, one has a broken arm, the other nurses her. Very sweet, simple love story.

Always Be You (2022, Thai) 2 episodes, 7-8 mins. Quick and easy ‘long time no see’ contemporary love story.

From 1 Metre to 1 Centimetre (2022, Thai) 4 episodes, 8-9 mins. MC who likes to live alone gets a roommate in her dorm, thinks they won’t get along. Has a rule new roommate stays at least 1 metre away from her at all times. This rule gets broken. Contemporary romance.  

Gap the Series (2022-2023, Thai) Recently completed series with 12 episodes, nearly an hour long each, this one is so much fun, an office romcom with every fanfic trope in the book, starring a bright, outgoing young woman who falls in love with her rich, noble, emotionally repressed boss, who is being pressured into an arranged marriage. Highly recommend catching this, it’s very good, and the perfect balance of drama and comedy! (cw: mild homophobia, death of a wlw supporting character, but happy ending for main characters.)

Don’t Break My Mission (2023, Thai) 4 episodes, 6-8 mins each. Low-budget contemporary romance mini-series. One of them is trying get over the other, but keeps failing. Pretty sweet so far.

You are the Cream in my Coffee (2023, Thai) 7 episodes, 6-10 mins. Short coffee shop contemporary GL mini series, very wholesome!

You are the vitamins in my routine (2023, Thai) 4 episodes, 7-11 mins. Short GL mini-series, contemporary romance, but the couple starts out already together for a change. Sweet, wholesome fluff.

Show Me Love (2023, Thai) First episode released on youtube, the rest are pay to view. 9 episodes in total. Beauty pageant contestants fall in love. Update: rest now coming to youtube, too!

Service Charge (2023, Thai) Short mini-series, 3 episodes 5-6 mins. Contemporary romance b/w a housekeeper and an actress.

My Ideal Ratio (2023, Thai) 2 part mini-series, 6 eps, 5-10 mins. Contemporary GL romance. 170 is set in secondary school, 156 in university.

Lemon vs Melon (2023, Thai) First episode of six just released w/ subs, contemporary miniseries, a mistake leads to two women getting forced to live together, sounds like it will be an opposites attract love story.

Lucky My Love (2023, Thai) 5 ep miniseries (1 hour 20 runtime), office romance for fans of Gap, but a lot lighter/more sweet, with less angst, and less chemistry between the leads, but still a cute love story.

Be Mine (2023-2024, Thai) Upcoming GL, prologue episode out, full series will probably drop early 2024! Story seems to be an anthology, follows several wlw couples and friends in a contemporary setting.

Love in the Rain (2023, Thai) Coming soon, two teasers out! A contemporary love story, will be accompanied by three other unrelated GL shows w/ different actors, made by the same team, mostly following idols / musicians. Will update when I know more.

23.5 (2023, Thai) First episode just released, secondary school students in love. Very cute and wholesome first episode, a loner who just transferred to a new school falls in love with a more popular girl. Real sweet so far.

Blank the Series (2023, Thai) Based on the same series as Gap, follows one of Sam’s older sisters, a painter, who is being pursued by a younger woman, age gap relationship, grandmother doesn’t approve. Haven’t watched it yet and final episode isn’t out so can’t tell you if it ends happily, but people seem to be enjoying it? 6 episodes, averaging 50 mins.

Making Memorable Memories (2023, Thai) follows several different office romances happening at the same time between different women, with different dynamics, some who have past history. At the start felt like it was going to be an anthology but then you start to see how their stories intersect, it’s nice! Low stakes, but good. 12 episodes, around 9 minutes each.

Love Senior (2023, Thai) Currently airing contemporary romance b/w engineering students brought to you by a company that mainly makes BL but seems to be branching out. If this and 23.5 do well, there will likely be more.

Anti-Christmas Club (2023, Thai) Three-part mini-series about wlw who don’t like christmas, all around nine minutes.

Sunshine in the Wind (2024, Thai) Upcoming miniseries with a sweet trailer/pilot that just released recently, and a couple that started as a sidecouple from a bl series. Contemporary florist / actress romance.

Reverse 4 You (2024, Thai) Trailer looks great but will be delayed, re-filmed, as they had to re-cast one of the leads last minute. Very excited for this one’s story, has a Life is Strange energy.

The Last Case (2024, Thai). WE HAVE A TRAILER!!!! WE HAVE A TRAILER!!!! No release date yet, but sounds VERY fun, looks amazing. Dark murder mystery thriller with modern career sapphics in their mid/late twenties.

My Marvellous Dream is You (2024, Thai). New GL from the folks that brought you Gap the Series, but this one looks a bit more art house, a bit more trippy! First episode coming 8th of May, a girl falls in love with someone she meets in a dream. I’ll update when I know more, but projected to be 12 episodes from a big studio so I am guessing full length 45 min + episodes, watch this space!

About Galaxy (2024, Thai). GL series, might be out later this year? Not much news lately.

Love of Secret (2022, Thai) A series about a family where several members are hiding innocent secrets, and things get confusing. One of the teenage daughters of the house is hiding a secret girlfriend, as well as a secret idol career. (cw: not a love story and they don’t get a happy ending, but it’s cute as a family drama, and it’s lovely how supportive her family are of their relationship while it lasts, but be warned going in, they don’t really get a happy ending.)

Stupid Boys, Stupid Love (2021, Thai) Okay, hear me out. This is a BL series set in a school, but they have a background relationship between two women, a tom/butch and a femme, which is so delightful I think it’s worth giving a shot just for them, even if you don’t usually watch BL or just want to skip to their scenes. It’s a very sweet best friends to girlfriends storyline.

Magic of Zero: Zero Photography (2022, Thai) Anthology series, first standalone episode follows the background wlw couple from Bad Buddy.

Wedding Plan: The Series (2024, Thai) BL series w/ a background GL couple who are already together. They’re sweet, but have far less screentime than the main couple so far. Will keep watching to see how it goes, but basically a contemporary work romance where two friends, a gay man and a gay woman, are trying to get married. The lesbian has a long-term girlfriend and the gay man is falling for the wedding planner. Reminds me a little of Two Weddings and a Funeral (2012).

Pluto (2024, Thai) Upcoming GL series, started filming recently, has a teaser. I believe the plot follows a woman falling in love with somone who has just come out of a coma from a car accident, and is now blind. Sounds heavy. I don’t know if it has a happy ending or not. Will get back to you. o7

Omaiseries (2024, Vietnam) Miniseries, two roommates studying at the same university fall in love, one already knows she’s a lesbian the other one’s still figuring it out. Very sweet, wholesome, I was worried by how forward the one roommate was in the ffirst installment but it settled into a very cute, contemporary love story. Very low budget but the two lead actresses do a great job, have good chemistry. Five 10-12 minute ‘marathons’ collected shorter episodes w/ english subs out so far, don’t know how long it will be when finished yet. 

My Other Half (2024, Myanmar) also “The Other Side of My Heart”? Hard to get information for this one, 7 episodes, all around 30 minutes, only just started getting english subs though so waiting for them all to get subbed, will update when I know more and I’ve watched it all!

She (2023, Myanmar) A florist who feels trapped by her relationship with her abusive husband, falls in love with the woman she recently hired. 4 episodes, 10-17 mins each. (cw: domestic violence, sexual assault in first episode.)

Badhaai Do (2022, India) A movie, not a series, but I wanted to include it! Comedy/drama. A gay woman and a gay man decide to enter a lavendar marriage to keep their respective families off their backs, while they date people they’re actually interested in on the side, and eventually decide to raise a family together. Feel good movie, explores unique family dynamics and coming out. (cw: police brutality, blackmail.)

Catch the Light (2019, India) Short 3-episode mini-series about a bisexual woman who is going blind, explores disability, sexuality, and polyamory. (cw: does feature a homophobic parent, so an argument can be made against homophobia by a supportive one.)

Gentleman Jack (2019-2022, UK) Fun while it lasted! Period drama based on the real life of Anne Lister, a womanising, opportunistic, businesswoman from the 1800s who is looking for the perfect woman to set up house with. (cw: casual homophobia, misogyny, classism, and gun violence, typical of the setting.)

Confessions of Frannie Langton (2022, UK) A dark, feminist, period drama based on a novel about a Jamaican maid in 1820s England who falls in love with her master’s wife and is accused of their murder. Heavy and tragic but well done, I do appreciate how unapologetic Frannie is about their relationship, despite the setting. 4 episodes, 45-50 minutes each. (cw: slavery, misogyny, racism, homophobia, abuse, violence, master/servant relationship.)

Hitmen (2020-2021, UK) Sitcom about a pair of middle-aged assassins played by Mel and Sue. Not a romance at all but Sue’s character is gay like her and it’s always nice having older lesbians on television. 2 seasons, 12 episodes. (cw: violence, murder.)

Renegade Nell (2024, UK) historical setting but fantasy themes, butch mc who isn’t super young but is very badass, don’t think too hard about it and it’s a very fun show, she has a female love interest near the end, unclear whether or not it will get renewed but I do recommend this one if you like escapist fantasy shows like Willow, Dickinson, Warrior Nun, Xena, etc. Haven’t seen a lot of people talking about it but very delightful, and the sapphic part was a surprise, I was more happy to see a show about a crossdressing main character in olden times honestly.

Killing Eve (2018-2022, UK/USA) Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer are brilliant, if you just ignore the last series (which was terrible) the first three are a lot of fun and I love the S3 finale. If you somehow managed to miss it, a show about an assassin and the woman obsessed with exposing her, based on a book series with a better ending. (cw: extremely graphic and visceral murders, often played for laughs.)

Willow (2022, USA) New fantasy adventure series, recently completed. 8 episodes, 40-60 mins each. There’s a very good love story between two of the main female characters, a knight and a gender-non-conforming princess, who have been best friends since childhood. Love their chemistry, not to be missed if you like fun, chaotic adventure fantasies, has the feel of a D&D campaign. (cw: typical fantasy violence, blood, a couple of supporting gays are buried in the third episode.)

Haunting of Bly Manor (2020, USA) A popular one, but if you missed it, features a wlw couple who are very sweet, up until they meet their inevitable tragic ending. If you have an issue with ghosts, horror, death scenes, or tragic endings, give this one a miss, but I will say it’s not big on blood or jumpscares if that’s the kind of horror you avoid. I had much more problem with the writing than the ghosts (it’s not great), but the couple are sweet while they last.

I’m Not Okay With This (2020, USA) Short lived coming-of-age Netflix drama cancelled after the first season about a teenage women with a crush on her best female friend who might have supernatural abilities, or might just be going insane. (cw: explores themes of mental illness, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, gore, violence)

One Day at a Time (2017-2020, USA) Sitcom about a Cuban-American family, the eldest daughter realises she’s a lesbian, comes out, and gets a nonbinary partner over the course of the show. 

Arcane (2021, USA) Ongoing, animated series about the main ensembles struggle to survive in a crumbling, dystopian city. I like Vi and Caitlyn, I think their dynamic will get explored a lot more in the second series from what the writers are hinting.

Dragon Age: Absolution (2022, USA) Another animated series on Netflix, not a love story at all but has sapphic main characters in a messy relationship at the centre of their drama and I love to see it. Only 6 episodes.

Dickinson (2019-2022, USA) The first series didn’t win me over but the last two were a lot of fun, not to miss. Escapist, surreal, anachronistic take on the life of Emily Dickinson that lets you forget the dreariness of real life if you let it. Very gay ending. 3 seasons, 30 episodes.

Harley Quinn (2019-2023, USA) Animated series, DC universe, follows Harley Quinn post-leaving the Joker and her best friend Poison Ivy, who she ends up dating, they’re both bisexual, nothing gay happens until the second season but much is made of their friends-to-lovers dynamic from the comics. 3 seasons, 25-30 min episodes, and a standalone valentines day special.

Harlem (2021-2023, USA) Ongoing comedy series following four 30-something black women in NYC who are friends trying to balance relationships with their careers. One’s a lesbian player, and another character learns she’s bisexual (with someone else).

Only Murders in the Building (2021-2023, USA) Ongoing sitcom, not especially gay but you learn one of the main trio is bisexual in the second season when she gets a female love interest. 

Warrior Nun (2020-2022, USA) Still need to watch the much lauded second season, but a supernatural action series with a sapphic endgame a lot of people are enjoying right now I need to catch up on. Sadly, was not renewed.

A League Of Their Own (2022, USA) A fun series that is so extremely gay I needed to lie down after the night club episode. Women during WWII try to become professional baseball players, start careers independent of men, and get taken seriously. A delight to watch, but period-typical homophobia, sexism, and racism peppered throughout.

#wlw media #wlw series #gl series #lesbian series #yuri #sapphic #lesbian movies #lgbt content #will add more + links as I find them #not all of these are love stories but I am omitting series with only one token lesbian/bi friend or where its a very minor supporting plot #'recent' is a stretch for some of these but it's my list I can do what I want (: #time isn't real since the pandemic started and also I still have covid and my head is a little addled from the cold medicine #sorry if that reflects in the descriptions this is an ongoing thing I'll keep editing it #feel free to send any more recs my way I can try to add them! #mine

[shark-myths]

1/2 Hi hello I have a...Headcanon? Fic prompt? Grand unifying Mania to smfs tryst theory theory? Anyway it's this: There was some sort of 'fuck it lets just try again' decision around mania era and it was good! It was working out! And then there was covid and lockdowns and everyone had to make some really tough choices re: who we say irl and when and how often and that led to some real 'well maybe were fooling ourselves when we thought we could have it all this can't really work we did miss our-

2/2 -shot' ergo the smfs lyrical lean of 'I love you so much but this maybe really isn't our time'/ mixed in with all the other very project-written-during-covid ~vibes~ (which I love). But anyway there's a lot of time that can and did (if they started in 2021?) pass between writing lyrics and releasing music and working on the album after all that isolating introspection led right back to 'fuck it lets just be together life is short' hence The Way They're Acting now. *shrugs* idk

*

Love this, love you, thanks for the conspiracy ask!

we know from this kerrang interview and a few other casual mentions, like in patrick's album commentary from the release parties (still haven't listened to that myself but @leyley09 is an excellent on-the-scene reporter) that some of the writing for SMFS actually started before the pandemic, with Patrick dreaming up the music for What a Time to Be Alive right after the release of MANIA and Pete writing the lyrics that paired with it before the pandemic. so if the writing process went dormant in lockdown, we know many of the threads were connected before covid hit the US. (i'm also remembering the cute zoom sing-a-long pete & patrick did at the beginning of the pandemic where they were clearly in the same room but on separate video feeds so that we, viewing, could feel like we were all alone together)

I stand by my thought that MANIA's ask symbolizes open doors that are open-ended--the queer poly happily ever after is floated, and maybe it's answered and maybe it's not but i don't think any of those doors were closed, even by lockdown. i take the backwards-looking in SMFS as a way of acknowledging what's gone past and is no longer possible: having their whole lives being entwined together, maybe even raising a family together instead of with the lovely women they've chosen and built something beautiful with, not letting the fear of being found out determine the unhealthy shape their relationship took for the first 15-odd years of its course. i find this deeply relatable as a mid-30s bisexual, honestly, whose life could have looked really different in some really joyful ways if the culture had been more hospitable and open to queerness when i was growing up, but who also doesn't regret or want to change what i have now.

SMFS doesn't feel like a frantic too-lateness to me, it doesn't feel young; it feels plain and true, like, well, it is too late for some things, but that might not have worked out anyway, and as it stands we're everything to each other--patrick can't write songs without pete and pete feels like he's a painter who can't paint without fall out boy (the kerrang interview is giving me life, truly)--and it isn't so bad, having a soulmate, whether that manifestation is currently romantic or not. it's too late to change what's gone past but it's not too late for the entire future.

i've just never seen them so comfortable together and so matter-of-fact! like their closeness hasn't looked this easy since pete was making patrick squirm on vh1 by describing them as husbands nearly 20 years ago. i love the way no one's rushing to disguise or define or defend anything, they're just sitting there plainly like, this dude is everything to me, and it frankly is so beautiful and refreshing after the no-homo panic that characterized the early aughts.

i love your headcanon and it gave me all these lovely chewy thoughts! god i can't wait to see the fic that comes out of this. thank you darling!

#smfs #fob #asks #peterick #tryst theory #thanks anon

[hillbillyoracle]

So I am limited on options with regards to sex.

My partner/roommate initiates sex maybe once annually and the weight of it falling to me all the time has made the prospect less appealing over the years.

We're poly so I could find another partner - and I have tried. But the handful of dates I've been on have been genuinely terrible since the pandemic began and the apps are soul sucking.

Not to mention once I turned 30, messages to me dropped off significantly from both men and women of all ages. Society's fetish with youth is bizarre to me as someone who's always preferred older partners but whatever.

I'm also plus size with no real desire to get smaller. I just try to take care of my body and it decides where it's going to be. That shrinks my dating pool again.

I have basically no way to make social contacts in a casual way. I don't go out much and will be doing even less of that as COVID rates start to spike in my area again.

I had genuinely hoped that as I got older, my libido would decline. It hasn't really. It's changed but not really lessened. So the shrinking options + libido staying the same has just...really sucked.

I've grown up with this fundamental belief that I'm ultimately on my own. My feelings, my happiness, my interests - no one else is going to care about those but me really. While I'm aware part of it are problematic, it suits my current circumstances. I'll change it when they change.

So it brings up this question for me that I don't see meaningfully explored in most places which is, if another partner isn't an option, what do you do about sex? There's two main routes as I see it - take steps to lessen the desire or fulfill it on your own.

I have tried lowering it. I've stopped all self pleasuring activities for months at a stretch. There was a rebounding effect where it got more intense for a while but then evened out. But it wasn't noticeably less than before and still bothersome. I could continue to work with it from a mindfulness point of view but I'm not sure it's the route I want to go.

So the other option is figuring out a satisfying sex life on my own. And while there's plenty of toys out there - that's not ultimately what makes sex fun and satisfying. It's not just about sensation.

I can feel a resistance in me to actually exploring what that would look like. Probably a mix of leftover Christian hang ups and a visceral understanding from the Buddhist perspective that attachment begets attachment and true satisfaction isn't possible. I also have always felt weird spending money on my sex life beyond protection/birth control. I really don't know where that hang up comes from but it is real.

So idk, might explore it more, might not. There are definitely some kinks I can never find partners for that I might try to play with on my own. Using it as an opportunity to do the stuff I never have the chance to do, getting treats/nice food and making a whole little date of it sounds like fun honestly. I've considered making a private instagram account or the like and invite kink friendly friends to follow where I can show off a bit for an interpersonal element.

Not really looking for advice. Just processing my thoughts.

#personal #sexuality

[aloneandunreal]

january 19, 23

3 months later and... she's back! i've thought about posting before this but either did not have the energy or did not think it was relevant enough to post (although most of the stuff i speak about on here isn't very relevant, anyway). but yeah. new year. 2023. i feel like the years keep going by and they are no longer starting to feel "real." i know that sounds dumb, but seriously. take a look at "2023" and tell me that sounds and looks like a real year. i don't know. ever since covid started, the years just haven't really felt like they used to. but maybe i'm just romanticizing it. i also am getting older, which is a hard pill to swallow. i know that sounds dramatic because i'm "only nineteen," but for whatever reason i feel so old. i can no longer really be a teenager or act like one because i am technically an adult. but i don't feel like one at all. i wish i did, but as always i am stuck in the past and don't want to grow up. reminiscing on my teenage years is so much easier than focusing on the future. it's not that i was doing much, or having a great time, and this is definitely rosy retrospection, but i felt like i had less adult responsibilities. turning twenty in 5 months makes everything feel so much more real. this is really my last few months of being a teen. i used to want to be around this age so bad when i was a teen, but it's quite honestly not all it's shaped out to be. i guess i always want what i don't have. and when i have something, i don't realize how much i'll miss it until it's gone. of course, i didn't peak in my teenage years. considering everything, i've been doing better mentally and socially while at college compared to high school, but as i said... it's more of a "i'm scared of being a real adult" thing.

not only that, but i also just feel that being a teenager after/during covid is not the same as it was before covid. if that makes sense. i always tell my mom i wish i was in college when she was. being in college now just isn't the same as it was 3-4 years ago. not that i would know, but just based on what i've seen and heard... nobody had the trauma of a 3+ year long pandemic. i also feel as if social media is a really big part of everyone's lives now. it always has been, but during covid, that was all we had. so now it's heavily used by... basically everyone. more specifically, tiktok. i feel like everyone cares about specific aesthetics rather than just being themselves. which i understand, sometimes i want to be a certain way, too, but i don't want to be put in a box. this is laughable to write out, but for example, coquette.

this is going to sound dumb, but covid changed so many things. people went into quarantine as young as 7th/8th grade and came out almost finished high school. it, along with dependence on social media and new trends etc, has really changed teenagers. they are so different compared to when i was a teen. which is of course expected, but it just makes me feel old. and it also makes me realize why some older folks complain about the younger generations (yes, even mine). we're annoying! to give one example that makes me especially annoyed, is concerts. concerts before covid were so different. this doesn't apply to all, but concerts used to feel like a little community. we all loved the same artist, and were seeing them live. but now, so many younger people just don't understand concert etiquette. that sounds really pretentious, but i can't help but think it. some artists i wish i had seen in concert before covid. because now it just won't be the same as it was. which is unfortunate. i'm sure this is worded very badly and i sound stupid and pompous, but nobody is looking at these posts or my blog so i don't really care. i keep telling myself this is my place to write my thoughts, knowing nobody will be seeing them but me. and i guess whoever on tumblr stumbles upon this account. ha.

nothing against teenagers nowadays. technically i still AM a teen. but it's just different. however, of course, as there is with all generations, there are similarities too. things that will never change no matter how many years go by. it's sort of comforting seeing it, if that makes any sense. it makes me have some hope. but not much. and of course, i'm a hypocrite talking about social media, tiktok, etc, because i use it. and have since i was very young. but i suppose this is just commentary on it as a whole, not necessarily a critique. i'm calling myself out, too. all i'm saying is that i wish things were more natural and organic; more carefree. people will say they're carefree but, truly, how can you be in this day and age? especially if you're between the ages of 18-25. social media can ruin lives and mental health. covid has impacted everyone on earth. making money and being able to survive is a huge worry. what about graduate school? the earth is dying. school loans, debt... the list goes on. of course some/all of these have always been issues, but i personally just don't think anyone can TRULY be carefree anymore.

i don't want to have to work my whole life to afford living. i want to enjoy life, have fun. it makes me wish i had done more with my teenage years. i still have time to "have fun" and "live my life", but soon i'll need to start worrying about grad school, jobs, internships, etc. i guess young me hadn't really thought about that.

i feel so melancholic thinking back on my younger self, what i was like, who i was friends with, experiences i had. of course, i've written about this before - it's a trend with me - but i can't help it. that's just who i am. i've even started looking back somewhat sentimentally on my senior year of high school, even though that was just two years ago. same with my freshman year of college. and, of course, way before that as well. i don't know why i do this. everyone's changing, including me, but i'm still semi-stuck in the past. i have one foot in adulthood, and one in teenagehood.

it's funny thinking about how i started this blog when i was sixteen, during covid, my junior year of high school that got cut short. how i was so afraid of turning seventeen, for whatever reason. well, guess what? you're turning twenty in 5 months. how's that make you feel, sixteen year old me? not great, i'm sure. i wish i could shake myself and tell her to stop being so afraid. but then again, in three or four years, i'm sure i'll be wanting to say the same thing to myself now.

i'm not totally unhappy/unsatisfied with my life at the moment, but i wouldn't say i'm doing great. if you couldn't tell with what i've been writing. i wish i wasn't so caught up in the past, so scared to move on. i wish i could just happily feel nostalgic about things instead of whatever... this is. i hate feeling a knot in my stomach thinking about old memories, both good and bad. still, it's a familiar sadness/nostalgia i've always had. but i just don't know how to let go of it. i want to be happy, have a happy, fun, fulfilling life. i want to be remembered and thought of fondly by others, and vice-versa. i want friends i'll have for a lifetime. but it feels impossible. i hope it's not.

i don't know what i have going for me; i don't know what's to come, and that is what scares me. i want to make the best of the time i have, but i can't when i'm so stuck in the past. like i've been my whole life. i can never live in the present. i'm either in the past or the future, almost never the present. i can't enjoy things normally. and, just as my teenage years, my 20s will be over at some point. i don't want to be 30+, looking back, and regretting all the time i've wasted. i'm scared of growing older, but i really just need to face the truth. there's no going back in time, and i'm not going to be young forever. but how? i still haven't fully learned, even after all of these years.

i guess that's all for now. a pretty anticlimactic way to end a journal, but it is what it is. i wonder if i'll ever have anything good to say on this blog, anything positive. i feel as if i only go on here to rant about nonsense and be sad. i don't think i've ever given a "happy" update. because, unfortunately, happiness is not easy to romanticize like sadness is. maybe one day i will. but for now, we're stuck with the sad, sentimental rants. these are supposed to be the best years of my life, but it doesn't fully feel like it.

while writing, i listened to:

playground love - air

bathroom girl - air

cemetery party - air

get free - lana del rey

bel air - lana del rey

in my head - bedroom

kids - MGMT

my kind of woman - mac demarco

[blue-skeleton6289]

Been a while huh?

Hey Twinkies it's been while since a last update and I just want to fill you in before I forget or don't got time too.

I haven't updated anything because to be honest I have lost alot of interest in Undertale. Which honestly breaks my heart.

When I first found out about the game 3 years ago it intrigued me at first. But then my interest started to grow.

I was isolated from the world even before the Covid pandemic, the circumstances of that wasn't abuse or anything just we lived out in the country and moved to a new state. To top it all off I was homeschooled... So you can imagine how lonely I felt.

I am a social person since, well forever! So maybe it took more of a toll on me then some others.

Yes I had my siblings and my parents who I love dearly but there was no one else to talk too. It became so bad I uh started saying all my thoughts outloud just too hear a different voice and to feel less lonely.

I had no one to turn too, but UnderTale. It really did help me! At first it was the comic videos on YouTube, heh then finding Sans and Frisk as a cute couple, then thats when I learned about fanfiction.

Oh the glorious fanfics out there!! Undetale ones! And I fell happily into the fandom with my arms stretched out, just jumping into that big hole.

I don't regret jumping in blindly, I made amazing friends and just had pleasant conversations with people. It felt so lovely, I know that sounds cringy, but it was! Then I got inspired by so many wonderful fanfics to finally write my own, heh or 5 XD!

I was on the track for a good year and a half until... I found the exit to the hole I jumped into.

But just like Frisk, heh I didn't want to leave. I didn't want this feeling of having this freedom, having this certain type of happiness be gone. My escape from reality to be gone!

So I avoided it, I couldn't get it out of my mind but I just let it go. For awhile I just forgot about it, until one day it got bigger. The exit got bigger? Why?

Turns out it wasn't the exit getting bigger but my hole, my save haven, was becoming smaller.

My inspiration, my creative thinking, my ideas, my fics to read, and my online friends all were shrinking and I didn't even notice...

I hated it so much. So I walked out of my hole to just prove that I am better off in it then out.

I had all intentions of coming back.

I really did.

But life is funny that way, you don't truly have control of your life. For me God does.

Before I knew it, I had a job... I was scared.

I thought I knew what life would be like wants I got back. But I felt so vulnerable, so stupid.

Boys weren't what I thought they were, work at first wasn't what I thought it was. I know I was stupid and naive to think it would all be good.

And right now, it is!

But I was just so caught up in this fantasy world of Undertale that I was missing so much of life.

I was back in the real world. I was older, finding out more about myself and the type of person I wanted to be. I was also crushed deep down.

I went back to my hole, and just stood infront of it.

I didn't move. Why though? Why!?

I thought I would be so happy to go back, to get lost in my new ideas for stories and read as much as I wanted...

That isn't reality

I stood there stareing at the hole. Was it always this small? This closed up? How did I ever fit in it?

Then I realized how unhealthy it was for me to be in there.

It was depriving me of the real world. It was clogging up my thoughts too much. To the point when I first got out I couldn't think of anything else. Anyone else, I was being selfish and didn't care about anyone else but myself and Undertale.

I watched that hole close up along with everything with it. As the tears streamed down my face and bittersweet moments flashed my mind. I knew I had to let the undertale fandom go...

Which means my stories as well...

That was the one that hit me the hardest. My online friends I can still talk too but... My fans, I may not have that much but every. Single. One. Mattered so much to me. You guys still do.

So I let the hole close up and let a flower grow in it's place. Heh I think buttercups are appropriate, don't you?

Right now I am doing so much better, I haven't wrote a thing in 2 months and I feel better but I still feel this want to write.

But I know too that I probably won't be writing anytime soon. Who knows maybe this is it. Maybe it's not.

But I know that I have no true interest in Undertale. Not anymore. As much as I am grateful for it helping me in my hard times. I let it go.

Now that my life is rolling I don't rely on it anymore to steady me. I shouldn't have done that in the first place, but I got something better. My salvation. Along with all the happy memories I made along the way!

I do pray that I will write another chapter. Just not for awhile. Hopefully it will be for fun and in a good place.

I won't say how long cause I don't know.

Until then, bye Undertale and Thanks Toby for making that game! Bye Twinkies and hope to see you again!

Wow that was um, alot, if ya skipped thats fine! Probably bored ya anyway, (¬^¬)

I will still post and talk and answer questions if you want!?!

This was also supposed to be a HUGE thank you for the 200 followers!!! Which I really don't deserve. I will think of something, until then see ya next time Twinkies!

#undertale fandom #undertale #until next time #toby fox #undertale fanfiction #true story #storytelling #original story

[iapetusneume]

[CW: death, pet death]

(No new death, here. Our cats - while still a little sad - are fine.)

We sent our guinea pigs on to rest today.

Between the pandemic and money and difficult relations with Navona's parents, we'd been struggling to figure out how to lay our guinea pigs to rest. An option we'd looked at was called a Group Burial, where cremation of animals are done in a large batch and you don't get the ashes back, but there's this nice bit of forest on the property that you can visit where the ashes are scattered. I don't remember how much the option was to get the ashes back, but it was super cost-prohibitive. The Group Burial price started at $60, so we were considering saving up for that and the price of the uber, but weren't sure how things were going to go because of COVID, etc etc etc.

There isn't really good places to try to bury then nearby, either. We don't have any yard at all, and behind the house is also paved. There's an empty lot across the street, but I am nervous that someone is going to see us out there with a shovel and ask questions? And my neighborhood isn't very safe, at night.

And my MIL said point-blank that she would not let us bury them in her backyard.

So they just were in our freezer in ziploc bags... for a long time. Whiskers has been in there for 2 years, and Marjorita was in there for 1 year. Toriel has been in there since she died, a few weeks ago.

But Navona was able to talk to her father, and he said he would take them to a pet cemetery in his county. He would pay for the expense.

So, today we gave him their bodies.

I can't stress enough the importance of having a place for them to rest. The idea of throwing them put in the trash was abhorrent, but we were getting more and more concerned that that's what we would need to do. And I'm not really the sort that needs to have ashes. I just wanted to have then sent off with love.

And the very real reality of not having a lot of money and trying to grieve... i had never thought before about what people who don't have land of their own do when pets die. How much worse would this be for a cat? A large dog?

Guinea pigs can at least be put in the freezer.

I just never realized the privilege of having a place to lay your pets to rest. And I don't know if my FIL realizes what an amazing gift it is that he's doing.

#iapetus personal #death cw #pet death cw

[bananaofswifts]

For Women's History Month 2021, GRAMMY.com is celebrating some of the women artists nominated at the 2021 GRAMMY Awards show. Today, we honor Taylor Swift, who's currently nominated for six GRAMMYs.

When we met Taylor Swift in 2006, it was immediately apparent that her songwriting approach was like ripping a page out of her diary.

"Just a boy in a Chevy truck/ That had a tendency of gettin' stuck/ On backroads at night/ And I was right there beside him all summer long/ And then the time we woke up to find that summer gone," she lamented in the first verse of her debut single, "Tim McGraw(opens in a new tab)." The way the then-16-year-old Swift could turn personal anecdotes into instantly memorable hooks mirrored the prowess of an industry veteran, appealing to more than just the teenage girls that could relate to a short-lived high school romance.

Now, nearly 15 years later, Swift has introduced another layer of intrigue with a foray into indie folk, unveiling a pair of albums, folklore and evermore, last year. Recorded entirely in isolation after the COVID-19 pandemic hit in March 2020, folklore has been widely acclaimed(opens in a new tab) as Swift's best album, touted for its intimate songwriting and cinematic dynamics; evermore has received similarly glowing reviews(opens in a new tab).

folklore was 2020's best-selling album(opens in a new tab) and earned Swift five GRAMMY nominations at the 2021 GRAMMY Awards show, including her fourth Album Of The Year nod. (evermore will be eligible for the 64th GRAMMY Awards in 2022.) As her 10 previous GRAMMY wins suggest, though, this new chapter isn't an abrupt departure for the star—it's a masterful continuation of her evolution as a singer/songwriter.

If there's one thing that Swift has proven throughout her career, it's that she refuses to be put in a box. Her ever-evolving sound took her from country darling to pop phenom to folk's newest raconteur—a transition that, on paper, seems arduous. But for Swift, it was seamless and resulted in perhaps her most defining work yet. And folklore’s radiance relies on three of Swift’s songwriting tools: heartfelt balladeering, autobiographical writing, and character-driven storytelling.

While there was always a crossover element to Swift's pop-leaning country tunes, her transition from country starlet to pop queen began with Red. The album’s lead single, the feisty breakup anthem "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together(opens in a new tab)," was Swift's first release to reach No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 (and, ironically, scoffed "indie records much cooler than mine"). She declared a full pop makeover with 2014's 1989, but the response proved that her bold move was the right one: Along with spawning three more No. 1 hits, the project won Swift her second GRAMMY for Album of the Year.

From there, 2017’s Reputation, a response to media scrutiny, and 2019’s Lover, an often bubbly exploration of all facets of affection, followed. Although they shared similarly grandiose production, Lover featured a handful of poetic ballads, including "The Archer(opens in a new tab)," a self-reflective love song that teased Swift's folk sensibilities through storybook lyrics and ambient textures.

Swift’s ballads are key in understanding the full essence of folklore. They’ve regularly marked standout moments on each of her albums, both thanks to her poignant vulnerability and rich tone. Fearless standout "White Horse" earned Swift two GRAMMYs in 2009; Red's painstaking "All Too Well" was an instant fan favorite; 1989's "This Love" and Reputation's "New Years Day" provided tenderness amid otherwise synth-heavy sounds.

The raw emotion she puts into her downtempo songs comes alive on folklore, introducing a new wave of neo-classical sonics that elevate her fanciful penmanship to an ethereal level. Whether or not Swifties saw a full indie-pop record coming—at least not yet—the shift isn't all that surprising. Folklore’s romanticized lyrics and relatively lo-fi production are arguably what many fans have been patiently waiting on.

Lyrically, the super-personal nature of Swift’s music has always captivated fans and naysayers alike; diehards and critics dissected each of her albums for its real-life subjects and hidden meanings. While she played into those conspiracies at the time—whether she was revealing names in titles like "Hey Stephen(opens in a new tab)" and "Dear John(opens in a new tab)" or scathing the other girl on "Better Than Revenge(opens in a new tab)"—even Swift herself admits that her teenage method had an expiration date.

"There was a point that I got to as a writer who only wrote very diaristic songs that [it] felt unsustainable for my future moving forward," she told Apple Music's(opens in a new tab) Zane Lowe in December of 2020. "It felt like too hot of a microscope ... On my bad days, I would feel like I was loading a cannon of clickbait when that's not what I want for my life."

That realization is what helped make folklore so memorable: Swift stripped away the drama to let her artful storytelling shine. Sure, there are occasional callbacks to personal happenings ("invisible string(opens in a new tab)" references sending her exes baby gifts and "mad woman(opens in a new tab)" alludes to her legal battle with Scott Borchetta and Scooter Braun). Still, she largely shies away from her autobiographical narratives to make way for her imagination.

"I found myself not only writing my own stories, but also writing about or from the perspective of people I've never met, people I've known, or those I wish I hadn't," Swift wrote in a letter to fans(opens in a new tab) on social media the day folklore arrived. "The lines between fantasy and reality blur and the boundaries between truth and fiction become almost indiscernible."

folklore might be her first full project dedicated to creating characters and projecting storylines, but Swift has shown a knack for fantasy from the start. Tracks like "Mary's Song (Oh My My)(opens in a new tab)" on her self-titled debut and "Starlight(opens in a new tab)" on Red saw Swift craft stories for real-life muses ("Mary's Song" was inspired by an old couple who lived next door to Swift in her childhood; "Starlight" was sparked from seeing a picture of Ethel and Bobby Kennedy as teens). Even when songs did pertain to her real life, Swift often had a way of flipping memories into whimsical metaphors, like the clever clap-back to a critic on Speak Now's "Mean(opens in a new tab)" or the rebound relationship in Reputation's "Getaway Car(opens in a new tab)."

To think that we wouldn't have folklore without a pandemic is almost surreal; it's already become such a fundamental piece of Swift’s artistic puzzle. There was no telling what may have come after the glittering "love letter to love itself” that was Lover, but it seems isolation made the singer rethink any plans she may have had.

"I just thought there are no rules anymore because I used to put all these parameters on myself, like, 'How will this song sound in a stadium? How will this song sound on radio?' If you take away all the parameters, what do you make?" she told Paul McCartney in a November (opens in a new tab)Rolling Stone(opens in a new tab) interview(opens in a new tab). "And I guess the answer is folklore."

Even if she hasn’t been making indie music herself, Swift has shown an affinity for the genre over the years through curated digital playlists(opens in a new tab). Those included four songs by The National including "Dark Side of the Gym," which she references on folklore single "betty(opens in a new tab)," and "8 (Circle)" by Bon Iver, Swift's collaborator on folklore's gut-wrenching "exile(opens in a new tab)" as well as evermore’s title track. (“Exile” is one of folklore’s GRAMMY-nominated cuts, up for Best Pop Duo/Group Performance.)

The National’s guitarist Aaron Dessner co-wrote nine and produced 11 of folklore's 16 tracks, soundtracking Swift's imaginative tales with sweeping orchestration and delicate piano. Their partnership started with "cardigan(opens in a new tab)," a melancholy take on teenage love(opens in a new tab) that's up for Best Pop Solo Performance and the coveted Song of the Year. The team-up was a dream come true for Swift, a self-proclaimed National superfan and a career highlight for Dessner, who shared in an Instagram post(opens in a new tab) about folklore that he's "rarely been so inspired by someone." He sees the album as a pivotal moment for both Swift's career and pop music.

"Taylor has opened the door for artists to not feel pressure to have 'the bop,'" Dessner shared with (opens in a new tab)Billboard(opens in a new tab) in September. "To make the record that she made, while running against what is programmed in radio at the highest levels of pop music—she has kind of made an anti-pop record. And to have it be one of the most, if not the most, successful commercial releases of the year that throws the playbook out.

"I hope it gives other artists, especially lesser-known or more independent artists, a chance at the mainstream," he continued. "Maybe radio will realize that music doesn't have to sound as pushed as it has. Nobody was trying to design anything to be a hit. Obviously, Taylor has the privilege of already having a very large and dedicated audience, but I do feel like it's having a resonance beyond that."

Swift's other primary folklore collaborator was Jack Antonoff. He has been her right-hand man since they first paired up on 2013's promotional single "Sweeter Than Fiction(opens in a new tab)" (Swift referred to him as "musical family" in her folklore announcement(opens in a new tab)). Even after years of creating stadium-ready pop smashes, Antonoff said in his own folklore Instagram post(opens in a new tab), "I've never heard Taylor sing better in my life / write better."

As Swift recognizes herself, folklore ushered in a new way of thinking for the superstar that not only brings out her best, but sets a promising precedent for what's to come. "What I felt after we put out folklore was, 'Oh wow, people are into this too, this thing that feels really good for my life and my creativity,'" Swift added in her interview with Lowe. "I saw a lane for my future that was a real breakthrough moment of excitement and happiness."

Her enthusiasm is tangible on both folklore and evermore. Dubbed folklore’s sister record, evermore further expands Swift’s newfound mystical atmosphere. Much to the delight of many Swifties, the follow-up also calls back to her country beginnings on tracks like the HAIM-assisted “no body, no crime(opens in a new tab),” as well as her pop expertise on more uptempo cuts like “long story short(opens in a new tab).”

Together, the albums are a momentous reminder that Swift is a singer/songwriter first. Her wordcraft is some of the most alluring of her generation, and that’s never been lost on her music, regardless of the genre she’s exploring. But now that Swift also feels she's at her best, it’s evident folklore was just the beginning of Taylor Swift in her finest form.

#taylor swift #folklore #Grammy #WOW

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW for stalking, abusive relationships, and alcohol. I'm looking for advice and resources, maybe some of your followers can give their input as well if they've been in a similar situation since I feel like this is fairly common... I can't be the only one who's dealt with something like this before.

I'm in the United States in case that helps, but different states might have different laws. I just need someplace to get started. Also, I'm not sure if getting the law involved in the best solution anyway so I would just like to hear some different opinions from people because deciding what route to take with this.

Before Covid I was being stalked, threatened, and intimidated by someone. Although I haven't been in contact with them anymore, I feel like they're not fully over me. Also they could potentially put others in general because they were just an overall hateful and aggressive person towards everyone. They used to stalk me online and in public areas (some of these public areas had alcohol, which would make their behavior even more scary).

I didn't get a restraining order back when the stalking first happened, but there have not been any recent instances of them stalking me because I was studying and working from home and not going places for fun anymore, just quickly to the grocery store (not the one they go to) to get essentials. Here are the questions I have:

- Is there a "time limit" on restraining orders, would it be considered too late to get a restraining order now that a couple years have passed, or would my reasoning be considered valid if I feel like I'm still in danger of being stalked/harassed by this person?

- If we're both in the same public location, does the restraining order work or would it only keep them away from private property like my house? I keep seeing different answers about this because some people say it depends on who got to the location first, other people say it only works on private property, so I really don't know.

- I know you don't know the person but do you think the restraining order would put me in more danger and do more harm than good? I haven't talked to them anymore so I feel like this would be digging up something from the past, but at the same time I want to protect myself now that a lot of things that were closed in 2020-2021 are opening up in my city again and it's likely we might see each other again.

Finally, if you have any tips aside from legal advice, I'd appreciate that a lot. I feel like an obvious tip is to have a group of friends with you, but right now I don't really have a group of friends I can count on. Lately I've been so distressed over this that I've thought of going back to some toxic friendships just so that I won't be alone in case I run into my stalker, but I feel like that would bring more harm than good. At the same time, I don't like feeling cut off from the world and I would like to participate in local events again, but I'm just scared they might try to hurt me.

We are not lawyers and this isn't legal advice. But we can try to help answer some of your questions to the best of our knowledge.

There isn't a time limit on restraining orders and you can get one if this person poses a current threat to you. That said, if it's been a couple of years and this person hasn't stalked you during that time, it's going to be much harder to prove that they are still a threat. You cannot get a restraining order just because you feel threatened - there needs to be real evidence. Some of the situations where a gap of time can be explained away are things like if the stalker moved away for a while but has now returned. I am not sure whether COVID would be sufficient for that (as COVID is unlikely to actually stop a persistent stalker - people were stalked and abused throughout the pandemic). Someone who is not fully over you may still not be a stalking threat to you and the court will take that into account. Some areas are harder to get restraining orders in than others.

Your restraining order will determine what kind of restrictions exist. Some restraining orders will prohibit the person from directly contacting, threatening, or stalking you, but do not require the person to stay away from you. Others will require the person to stay a certain distance from your home, job, or your physical person. If the restraining order requires the person to stay a certain distance away from your physical person, then if you are there first they will have to stay away. If you arrive after they do, in most cases they are supposed to quietly leave, but in practical terms police are unlikely to take you seriously or take action if you willingly choose to go near them, and your best solution in that case is to just leave yourself.

A restraining order is a very personal decision. We cannot give you advice or suggest one course of action over another. Restraining orders can definitely make things worse rather than better, so it is important to consider the possibilities before you make that choice. But they can protect people and can be useful in the right circumstances. If the person is already staying away from you and has stayed away for years, you may want to consider not drawing this person's attention back to you by filing for an order. Or if you feel like the new circumstances of restrictions easing put you in new danger from this person, you can explore whether a restraining order is a possibility for you. Only you (and your lawyer) can decide.

-Mod Allison

#trauma talks #tw stalking #mod allison

[obtusemedia]

Ranking Lady Gaga's albums, from worst to best

Being a Lady Gaga fan can be an exercise in frustration.

Gaga is far more ambitious than most popstars — I doubt we’ll ever see Ariana Grande or Ed Sheeran make an album as left-field as Born This Way or ARTPOP. But she's also far less consistent, with numerous misbegotten projects.

Gaga's undeniably successful, with five #1 hits, an Oscar and multiple iconic music videos to her name. But her messy album rollouts and tradition of underperforming lead singles make her feel like an underdog compared to the more polished, precise careers of her contemporaries like Taylor Swift, Beyoncé or Bruno Mars.

Gaga is kind of a mess. But she's our mess. This album ranking will cover some records I can't stand — albums that make me constantly hit the fast-forward button, or albums I ignore altogether. But there isn't a single record on here that wasn't a bold move. Even the "back to basics" albums made strong aesthetic choices.

So let's dive into the career of the most fascinating Millennial popstar.

#8: Cheek To Cheek (2014)

This really shouldn't count. It's a Lady Gaga album in name only. But, technically it's a Gaga album, so here we are.

I've got nothing against Gaga having fun playing Rat Pack-era dress-up with Tony Bennett. She's a theatre kid at heart, and I'm sure every theatre kid would kill to make a Great American Songbook covers record like this. It sounds like she and Tony enjoyed themselves, so I'm happy for them!

...but I'm sorry. I can't be objective about Cheek To Cheek, it's the opposite of my taste. There's only so many bland lounge ballads I can take.

BEST SONGS: I have to pick one? "Anything Goes" is cute, I guess.

WORST SONG: "Sophisticated Lady"

#7: A Star Is Born (2018)

Let me first make this clear — A Star Is Born, the movie starring Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga? It's a masterpiece. It's electrifying and tragic and I'm still upset it didn't sweep the Oscars that year. There's even a cute dog! You won't hear me say a bad word about it.

But A Star Is Born, the accompanying soundtrack? It's extremely hit-and-miss.

Yes, it includes arguably Gaga's best-ever song and one of the greatest movie hits ever written, "Shallow." And there's plenty of other great tunes in the tracklist too — "Always Remember Us This Way," "I'll Never Love Again," the "La Vie En Rose" cover.

Even the country-rock songs from Bradley Cooper (who, reminder, is not a professional singer) are mostly good! "Black Eyes" RIPS, and "Maybe It's Time" feels like a long-lost classic.

But sadly, there are so many mediocre filler tracks on this thing. The second half of A Star Is Born's hour-plus runtime (Gaga's longest!) is padded with generic songs like "Look What I've Found," "Heal Me" and "I Don't Know What Love Is." The only good one out of the bunch is the silly, intentionally-bad "Why Did You Do That?"

In the movie, these filler tracks serve a point – they're meant to show Gaga's character selling out. They work in the movie when you hear them for a few seconds and see Cooper make a drunkly disappointed scowl. But I don't want to listen to them, and sadly, they make up half the album.

In other words — A Star Is Born would've made an incredible six or seven-song EP. But as an 63-minute-long record? It's a slog.

BEST SONGS: "Shallow", "Always Remember Us This Way," "Maybe It's Time"

WORST SONG: "Heal Me"

#6: Joanne (2016)

After Born This Way and ARTPOP, I get why Gaga needed to make a more lowkey, back-to-basics album. I also understand that many of these songs have extremely personal lyrics for her.

But is a down-to-earth album what I really want from our most outré popstar? Not really.

Luckily, Joanne is better than that description suggests. Yes, there are some bland acoustic ballads and awkward hippie-era throwbacks (two styles that are really not in Gaga's wheelhouse), but there's also some Springsteen-style heartland rockers! And those go hard in the paint.

Joanne works best when Gaga works the record's dusty aesthetics into her brand of weirdo pop, like on the sizzling "John Wayne," the winking "A-YO" or the delightfully extra Florence Welch duet "Hey Girl."

The record also has "Perfect Illusion" — a glorious red herring of a lead single that sounds nothing like anything else on Joanne. It's a roided-up mixture of woozy Tame Impala production and hair metal histrionics, and it rules. It might be Gaga's best-ever lead single! (at the very least, it's her most underrated.)

And there is one slow tune that's unambiguously great: "Million Reasons," another solid Gaga lighters-in-the-air power ballad pastiche.

Despite what some Little Monsters may tell you, Joanne isn't a disaster. There's some great stuff in there, and even the worst songs are just forgettable. But it's still far from her best.

BEST SONGS: "Perfect Illusion," "Diamond Heart," "Million Reasons"

WORST SONG: "Come To Mama"

#5: Chromatica (2020)

When Chromatica was released near the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, it had been seven years since Gaga had released music in her classic gonzo-synthpop vein. I can easily picture the record serving as an "ugh fine, I'll give you what you want" response to the many Little Monsters annoyed with Gaga's half-decade of folksy ballads and Julie Andrews cosplay.

I'll say this about Chromatica — outside of The Fame Monster, it's her most consistent record. There's not a single track that's a glaring mistake. And the three singles — "Stupid Love," "911" and the triumphant Ariana Grande duet "Rain On Me" — easily stand among her best tracks.

But although "all bangers, no ballads" album sounds rad in theory, it doesn't really succeed in practice. Chromatica is solid, but it's also a very same-y record. It feels like Gaga had one really great idea for the album ('90s club music with super-depressing lyrics) and repeated it over and over and over again to diminishing results.

There are some songs that are able to separate themselves: the three singles, of course, as well as the goofy "Babylon" and "Sine From Above," the Elton John duet that's the closest Chromatica gets to a ballad. But by the end of the album, you feel more worn out than electrified.

Also — and this is probably unfair, but still — Chromatica came out just a couple months after another retro-dance blockbuster pop album: Dua Lipa's magnum opus, Future Nostalgia. That's not a flattering comparison.

BEST SONGS: "Rain On Me," "Stupid Love," "911"

WORST SONG: "1000 Doves"

#4: The Fame (2008)

Out of all of Gaga's records, The Fame is most like a time capsule. It REEKS of late '00s/early '10s pop — which isn't an entirely fair criticism, seeing as Gaga popularized that era's sleazy, synthy aesthetic. It's also not a bad thing! I don't mind a little nostalgia!

As you already know, The Fame's singles are masterworks. "Just Dance," "Poker Face," "Paparazzi" — these tracks have titanic legacies for good reason. And although it's probably the least-beloved of this album's hits, despite being a total banger, "LoveGame" should still be commended for having arguably the most Gaga lyric ever (you know, the "disco stick" line).

And even though those tracks are front-loaded on The Fame, there are some gems deeper in the tracklist. "Summerboy" is basically Gwen Stefani covering The Strokes (so obviously, it's great). "Eh, Eh" is adorable. "Starstruck" is the most 2008 song ever recorded, with aggressive Auto-Tune and Flo Rida showing up to make Starbucks jokes.

Sadly, The Fame still feels like Gaga before she became fully-formed at certain points. The back half has a number of songs that feel like generic club tracks forced by the label, and "Paper Gangsta" is one of the clunkiest songs in Gaga's catalogue.

But at the very least, the bad songs on The Fame at least serve as little nostalgia bombs for that era of pop. And the best songs are untouchable classics.

BEST SONGS: "Paparazzi," "Just Dance," "Summerboy"

WORST SONG: "Paper Gangsta"

#3: ARTPOP (2013)

For much of Gaga's career, she's been ahead of the curve. She tries something, and a year or a few years later, other popstars try something similar to diminishing results.

That doesn't just apply to the successful stuff, like Gaga's extravagant music videos inspiring many copycats from 2010-2013. It also applies to the mid-late '10s trend of legacy popstars making a controversial record with risky aesthetic or lyrical choices that backfired: reputation. Witness. Man of The Woods.

Gaga did this first, with ARTPOP — arguably the most abrasive, and bizzare major label album released by a major modern popstar. And she did it better, because unlike Swift, Perry and Timberlake, Gaga's weirdness was for real. And it was in service of some prime, hyper-aggressive bangers.

ARTPOP isn't Gaga's best work — some of her experiments on it are major misfires, from the obnoxious "Mary Jane Holland" to the bland Born This Way leftover (and Romani slur-utilizing) "Gypsy."

But when ARTPOP is on, it's ON. The opening stretch in particular, from "Aura" to "Venus" to "G.U.Y." to "Sexxx Dreams," is chaotic synthpop at its finest. Those songs took Gaga's classic sound to an apocalyptic, demented extreme, and they're fantastic.

"MANiCURE" is a great glam-rock banger, "Dope" is another classic Gaga piano ballad, the title track is some sikly-smooth dreampop; even the misguided, clunky trap anthem "Jewels N' Drugs" is bad in a hilarious, charming way!

Trust me: ARTPOP will go down in history not as a flop, but as a gutsy, underrated record from a legend. Less Witness, more In Utero.

BEST SONGS: "G.U.Y.," "Venus," "Sexxx Dreams"

WORST SONG: "Gypsy"

#2: The Fame Monster (2009)

Objectively speaking, this is probably the best Gaga album.

It's her one record with no fluff, no filler — only 34 minutes and 8 tracks, all of them stellar.

It's the record that took Gaga from "wow, this new woman is a fresh new face in pop!" to "this woman IS pop."

It's the record with her signature track, "Bad Romance," which was accompanied by arguably the greatest music video of the 21st Century. (It also has my absolute favorite Gaga track, the relentlessly catchy "Telephone.")

I don't think I need to explain what makes mega-smashes "Bad Romance" and "Telephone" and "Alejandro" great, nor the accompanying legendary deep cuts "Speechless" and "Dance In The Dark." They speak for themselves.

However — the sleek, calculated perfection of The Fame Monster, while incredible, isn't something I return to often. It's just not the side of Gaga that's my favorite. That honor would have to go to...

BEST SONGS: "Telephone," "Dance In The Dark," "Bad Romance"

WORST SONG: "So Happy I Could Die" (but it's still pretty solid)

#1: Born This Way (2011)

One of my favorite podcasts is Blank Check. The concept of the show is to analyze each movie by a famous director — in particular, those who had big success early on and then got a blank check to make whatever crazy passion project they wanted. Here's a great example: because Batman was a massive hit, Tim Burton got to make whatever Hot Topic-core movies he wanted to for decades, from Edward Scissorhands to a creepy Willy Wonka remake.

That long-winded tangent is just to say: Born This Way was Lady Gaga's blank check. By early 2011, she had conquered the pop universe, notching hit after hit after hit. Every other pop star was copying her quirky music videos. So the label let Gaga do whatever she wanted — and she didn't waste that opportunity.

Born This Way is wildly overproduced. It's both extremely trend-chasing (those synths were cutting edge at the time but charmingly dated now), but also deeply uncaring about what the teens want (I don't think Springsteen and Queen homages were big at the time). And I love every messy, overblown second of it.

From the hair-metal/synthpop hybrid opener "Marry The Night" to the majestic '80s power ballad "The Edge of Glory," Born This Way starts at an 11. And Gaga never takes her foot off the pedal for the album's entire hour-plus run time. Clanging electric guitars, thunderous synths and Clarence Clemons (!!!) sax solos collide into each other as Gaga champions every misfit and loser in the world. It's gloriously corny in the best way possible.

Born This Way is also the perfect middle ground of pop-savvy Gaga and gonzo Gaga. It doesn't go quite as hard as ARTPOP, but the hooks are stronger. And the oddball moments are tons of fun, from the sci-fi biker anthem "Highway Unicorn" to the goofy presidential-sex banger "Government Hooker" ("Put your hands on me/John F. Kennedy" might be the greatest line in pop history).

Born This Way will always be my favorite Gaga album. It's armed with nuclear-grade hooks, slamming beats, and soaring anthems. Although it's not as untouchably pristine as the Mt. Rushmore of '10s pop classics (for the record, that's 1989, EMOTION, Lemonade and, of course, Melodrama), Gaga isn't best served by meticulousness. She's proudly tacky and histrionic, and so that's what makes Born This Way an utter joy.

BEST SONGS: "The Edge of Glory," "You and I," "Marry The Night"

WORST SONG: "Bloody Mary"

[pathopharmacology]

Hey. I'm the anon that checks in on you occasionally. First, sorry for thanking you for doing your job, I understand now that was tone deaf and I'm sorry for being an ass with that. Secondly, you've gone completely dark since this pandemic started and I'm really worried about you, especially since IIRC you work in emergency. You don't have to be okay (although that sure would be nice!!). I'm guessing you're not. But I'd like to know you're alive. And I want you to know you're not forgotten. We're not friends, though we're mutuals last I checked, and I want you to know someone cares even if there isn't shit I can do to help. Stay breathing. Keep your head above water.

Shit, friend, I am so sorry I freaked you out like that. God’s honest truth, I haven’t checked tumblr in ages, because I kinda noped out of most social media after we lost our first baby and then never really found my footing again after because a bunch more Life Stuff happened (more on that below). I don’t know that I’ll resume any sort of presence here, but for those who do want to stay in touch I have a twitter account (@patho_patho) I use occasionally. It honestly never occurred to me that anyone would worry. Again, I’m super sorry about that. I never intended to scare anyone.

Anyway, life update! The tl;dr version is that I found out I was pregnant in November of last year, freaked out SUPER HARD about it because of how things went the last time, freaked out SUPER HARD some more when covid-19 started showing up in the states, left the emergency department for a care management position right before the hospital implemented a hiring freeze, basically didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant until I was like almost 26 weeks along and it was incredibly obvious anyway, and — several months later — ended up having an unplanned (but non-emergent) cesarean delivery when my water broke three weeks early and the baby was breech.

The little dude is now 8 weeks old, growing like gangbusters and marvelously healthy. Unfortunately, our entire state caught on fire recently, so I’ve just spent the last week with him up at my parents’ house because the air is poison and their ventilation situation is way better than ours. Fun stuff.

I can’t explain how good it was for my mental health to get out of the emergency department. I was struggling even before everything happened with my first pregnancy, so when I got off my “postpartum depression is even more awesome when your baby is dead” medical leave, I was in a REAL bad way. We were thrilled when I got pregnant again, but it was also much earlier than we’d intended (apparently I’m super fertile, hooray?) and I spent the first trimester pretending like it wasn’t happening because I wasn’t sure I could survive the loss of another child. Covid started being a thing riiiight as I was heading into the second trimester, and...let me tell you, being pregnant during a pandemic is absolutely terrifying, and it was even more terrifying when I was still working in the ED. Those early days, when we really didn’t know much except that it was really, really bad? God, that was brutal. I was having panic attacks on my way to work, because I was scared shitless that I was going to get it and either I would die (thus killing my baby), or there would be complications of some sort (which would kill my baby), or me and the baby would be fine, but I would give it to the Dude or my parents and then one of THEM would die and...

Anyway. Bad times. It was bad times.

I was interviewing for a number of positions when things started amping up, and accepted the care management job literally days before the shelter-in-place orders went into effect, which led to a hospital-wise hiring/transfer freeze. The transfer still went through, thank god, and my new job has been amazing. They were super cool when I finally told them I was pregnant, especially when I explained why it took me so long to disclose it in the first place (basically, I wanted to wait until the final diagnostic tests were done and I knew 100% that this kiddo wasn’t sick the way our first was). I’m currently on maternity leave, and every once in a while my supervisor will text with a demand for more baby pictures. It’s really nice, actually. Care management is challenging as fuck, but it’s also really rewarding and interesting, and I’m glad I was able to make the switch before the whole world imploded.

(Also, it’s super nice to be in a position where the stakes are not literally life and death, and I’m also not putting my own life on the line every time I go into a patient room? I might’ve been okay with that once upon a time, but, uh, a lot of shit changed for me last year)

That’s pretty much it, unless y’all want to hear the whole pregnancy saga (which probably isn’t all that interesting, to be honest, except for the last bit with the c-section and all). Parenthood is deeply scary and deeply amazing. Everyone talks to you about postpartum depression, which makes it super easy to be blindsided by postpartum anxiety, which is like regular anxiety except your hormones are completely out of whack and you cry a lot and also refuse to sleep because you’re convinced your baby will die the moment you stop looking at them. Being a new parent during a pandemic is even scarier than being pregnant during a pandemic, and I honestly have no idea how I’m going to explain all of this EVERYTHING to the kiddo once he’s old enough to ask what the fuck was up with 2020, anyway.

Again, I’m really sorry I scared you by going radio silent. I’ve got all my notifications turned back on in case you or anyone else has any follow-up questions, and people are always welcome to check in over on the twitters (which is a garbage site, I freely admit, so I totally understand if folks would rather not). I definitely aten’t dead, and right now I’m doing better than I have in a long while.

Now I just need the air to stop being poison.

[the-fire-bubble]

This is gonna seem odd but like... If I had the ability to time travel, I would use it just to tell the one person who ever did right by me about what my life is like even though he's gone.

Dear Grandpa Tom,

It has been.... 15 years, 2 months, and 5 days, since you moved on from this realm. I don't know when the last time I tried to talk to you was. But uh... the world sure is a lot different than you remember it right now. There's a global pandemic. This disease called Covid-19 has been waging war against all of humanity for the past year and a half maybe? Idk. It started about March 2020 and it is now.... September of 2021. So probably a year and a half. It's changed a lot of things. There are mask mandates, and vaccines, and people who insist the vaccine must be bad but will go out of their way to get the vaccine for horses?? Idk. People are still crazy and dumb. That much hasn't changed. I'm married now. I'll be celebrating my first wedding anniversary in a month. I wish I could video call you to tell you about it. I'm also super disabled now. I know that never stopped you, but it's still scary for me. You didn't get to teach me how to not let it bother you. I miss you so much. You would like my husband. He's very smart (yes like me) and he also has very good sense of humor. I'm so scared, Grandpa Tom.... I know I'm going to be ok. But right now, I don't feel ok. The world is all divided and there's a plague of pestilence and I'm supposed to manage keeping my cool and not dying and now pain management.... It's a lot. I have college restarting in the fall. I'm... excited but nervous. I have a library job lined up for it too. You weren't afraid to be yourself in this cruel world. Even if you did go overboard on eating or your heart gave out on its own... idk. I didn't get to be there for the end and I absolutely resent that fact. You would have liked anime that came out after Dragon Ball Z.... It's like spongebob cartoon but different. I wish I could watch it with you again. I wish you could have prepared me for this.... disabled life struggle. I love you so much. You taught me more than I realized at the time but I still wish I had used my time with you better. Especially, avoiding you at the end. I can't remember the last time I hugged you. I know the last time we talked was most likely over the phone.... That's it.

Idk. I'm still going to college. I know it's what you would have wanted. It's what I want too.... I want to be able to be there for people in a way that is meaningful. I don't want anyone to feel like they've had to miss out on saying goodbye or beginning grief without gentle comfort instead of complete avoidance. I know I'm using a lot of big words. I'm sorry. I would have translated this with Google into tagalog if I had more patience, time, or energy. But I have work in 9 hours. I hope you can hear me when I kiss or hug your i.d.. I know your jacket isn't on prominent display right now.... But it would be if I could. I'm gonna let you go again for now but I love you so much and I'm scared but I hope you can send hugs my way because I need them. Thanks. *hugs*

And thanks for being my real Dad. I'm sorry I never said it or realized it while you were alive.

#personal #diary #diary entry #memento mori #letters to the dead #Dear Tommy

[greaterlandscapes]

My Dean Blunt Rotation aka High Fidelity Left A Bad Taste in My Mouth

For the past 2 to 3 months, my listening habits were teetering to an end; mostly via burnout by spontaneously listening to local artists daily and less likely of a musical discovery drought, whereas my interests of a certain artist or genre hasn't found its, sort of, "eureka", moment per se. I've been feeling less enthusiastic over the things i listen to since my friends have gradually lost their flare when it comes to discovering/exploring untapped parts of the music realm. Thus, in return, my enthusiasm not being reciprocated. It leaves an empty feeling from someone who has been yearning social interaction, may it be media being latched on the topic - it's a feeling that's been guilt-tripping me ever since I was stranded in the other end of the metro. I feel closed off, exposed to the crippling loneliness the lockdown has punished us: a defacto solitary confinement in a national level. Our act of staying online is also an act of staying alive outside.

To be fair though, it's a valid move to not boomerang compliments/gripes over an art you haven't consumed due to someone's autonomy. Your able body being to consume the art you wish to finish with free time is a luxury in of itself. The art is then failed to serve its purpose to reach its goal: You have squiggly lines heading straight to oblivion rather than swirling in the earlobes of a wandering cyber nomad. We, eventually, need to find something that could help us exit, rather than escape, from capital. We, in return, do not shut ourselves from the outside. Instead, we then tend to avoid the stress of protocols and outdoor fascism; Not avoid the indoor liberalism that is eating us alive and online. It's a capital punishment we never knew we signed up for ever since the onslaught of the virus and the state. Art for art's sake is nonexistent now, always has been, it seizes to ever since we went inside. Feeding off of a holographic meatloaf coming from a glowing screen. We have a real-life Karen acting as a nightlight in our rooms.

The COVID lockdown made us listen to music — both for better, for worse. For one, it made us pass most days. You could say the same for any sort of media: film, mixed media art, or whatever pre-Covid activity that sprung up during our time in isolation. For music, however, there was an uptick of new listeners that made others Wheel-of-Fortune the fuck out of their music discoveries in sites like RateYourMusic, Bandcamp, or even Sophie's Floorboard. We've continued to expand and became more open change of opinions and be less of a jackass towards someone else's opinions. On second thought, our opinions have been catalogued, leaving more notes than actual footprints of our previous listens. Our new discoveries made new bands and re-emerging bands, bands who faded to obscurity, crawl back in the surface with newfound interest from younger listeners (ie Panchiko, Jai Paul, and Dean Blunt) and this glowing, previously unseen and unexpected overwhelming support from fans of departed artists (ie SOPHIE, MF DOOM)

For the other, we've hogged gratuitous amounts of media, resulting into losing our primary direction as to how we want to consume our media based on the preconceived notions of what we want in our art. There is goodness in becoming directionless when you think about it, but there comes a cost to our identity as music listeners. Instead, we end up widening our tangents, falling in endless rabbit holes, having zero chances to emerge from the surface. In fact, i refuse to call it a "rabbit hole" instead i'd rather call it a "pipeline" of sorts — transitioning casual music fans into a full on, different, unique versions of themselves that would define them when laws and protocols have eased in the outside world. Our act of staying online has either made most of us break our character or enliven our past selves. The music pipeline is now more apparent, stretching the norms of what was once alienated by a silent majority, but now accepted as an acceptable form of expression. The more music we are exposed to has made casual listeners stranged out or react in ways that our personality have betrayed us or deemed not as acceptable to them. Still, not changing anything that was prominent pre-pandemic. Liberal cop behavior is stronger, now more dangerous than it ever was once perceived by the outside world.

HIGH FIDELITY? NO, THANK YOU.

Imagine a situation inside of a record, pre-pandemic of course, where you do not feel like lifting a record out from the shelf, instead, you window shop just for the sake of windowshopping. Capital and media made us think that going to record shops is a semi-productive activity. The age of discovery has died ever since High Fidelity romanticized and normalized the incelage of horny record diggers. Does this movie age well, yeah sure it does, for old 90s nerds at least. But did it translate well over in the past 20 or more years of events and tragedies that unfolded in pre-9/11 America? No it didn't. It was an age of free expression, only liberals would dream of whenever they take a sip of Guinness beer in their favorite dive bar.

Mind you, over a couple of months ago, it was my only chance in seeing why this movie was the talk of the town back when it was released. There's music, yeah, and attractive leading leadies, yeah, it has everything a 90s kid would love to salivate and drop their gonads over while they watch this movie. I obviously did not live to see the movie on opening day but i could imagine the scent that came out of that movie theater with attendees donning windbreakers and The Who shirts with popcorn dressing stains on their plastic cups. If there was a Filipino counterpart to this movie, i'd bet corporate champions Eraserheads and Rivermaya would soundtrack their music over and have either Tado or have Boy 2 Quizon, but i sense it to age like milk more than it could age like fine wine due to the senseless jokes one can execute in a Cubao or Cartimar record store.

John Cusack is obviously the incel in question here: a damaged, vengeful ex who constantly fails to live his partner's expectations and weaponizes his personality over the situations that has nothing to do with his interests. I spent the entire time being absolutely disgusted over the spineless responses of John Cusack's leading character. The movie then treads on flashbacks with John Cusack's failed relationships and what he could do to move on from each and one of them. If i could stand a SONA for 3 hours then I can't stand John Cusack being the dull entry point to incel, making more reasons why you should hate record store clerks who don't give an iota of shits to someone's inviting rapport. High Fidelity is opium for massive music circle jerks who can't take a single breathe of fresh air or a single quota of touching grass. There's more targeting weak and inferior guys and hot women who dump dumb overconfident dudebros more than the actual "music recs" in the entire movie. The more I think about this movie, the more I realize how our personality is in line towards Dick, the record store being unmercifully dunked on by the movie's two leading characters. He's an angel in the world of cynical bastards, witnessing both demons pitchforking record store customers in the ass while they're purchasing the latest Sonic Youth album.

I believe that Jack Black, the dark horse of High Fidelity, has a pleasing personality more than an irritating demeanor due to this behavior in the record store. In fact, outside of the record store, Jack Black doesn't seem to take the business is your pleasure act pretty seriously. Unlike John Cusack's character he brought his obsession over involving a record in an important memory/point of his life. There is so much stuff that has happened outside of the record store, so much for Rolling Stone and NME being the bible of music at the time, endlessly christening and shilling artists that believe to become the second coming of the Beatles. The music references here however are treated as fluff than it is a mechanism that would drive the senseless plot forward. If anything, there are events pointed out in the event that doesn't have anything to do with the life of the characters.

If anything, this movie did a great job at capturing the feeling of music bros being dumped on the wayside by a mature set of characters and how their current conditions aren't perfumed by the studios' liking of having to Cinderella story the shit out of a bunch of normal record store owners. The reality is in the reaction of one's social capital being invaded and we're here to witness how those reactions panned out in 2021. This is a villainous depiction of music nerds being the salt of the earth, the bane of all media discussion, still reflective of the insufferable salt of cyberspace found in music forums like 4chan and RYM. High Fidelity is a pipeline of 90s musicology, a dreaded fever dream of an owner waiting for the decade to end, trends ossifying and re-emerged by the hands of nostalgia-savvy individuals. It was, at its time, every music-movie nerd's excuse equivalent of Scott Pilgrim VS. The World. There are memories worth remembering and cherishing, and this movie isn't one of them.

DEAN BLUNT, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

In the past two weeks I've been fancying myself into sitting down and listening to different projects from the ever elusive, UK-based sound artist Dean Blunt. The first time i chanced upon his music wasn't too long ago - albeit a recent one in the time of COVID - was when I randomly stumbled upon his records at a Spotify recommendations section under John Maus (yeah lol i know the implications whenever his name is mentioned) - but then i was enamored by his online presence so quickly I put everything down and dedicated an hour or two researching about this man's music.

Other than the fact that his album "The Redeemer" wasn't the best record to start off in journeying through his discography: ending up disgusted and borderline bored even and I was more likely to lambast this record's aimless, pretentious art-pop inflections. By the end of the day, it was a preference long solidified by his undying fanbase. According to his hardcore fans, the music isn't really music, evaluating it as a free form of sound art, rather than sticking to a structured and conventional cues; the genre is nullified by most analysts of the arts. The growing interest of the general public towards Dean Blunt's pranks and antics have long appealed to my tastes as a chaotic neutral individual. Pranks that are well executed to piss off UK gallery connoisseurs and entertain ironic attendees who'd shit on the art piece rather than participate in it.

More of the resources I've found about Dean Blunt online: numerous aliases and collaborations that lasted around almost 2 decades. The most notable of all them, at least for my money, are either Hype Williams, a duo consisting of Dean and frequent collaborator Inga Copeland, and Babyfather, an art performance parodizing the pirate radio culture in the UK. I have not delved enough in Blunt's body of work to evaluate everything and what i could synthesize from it. For now, I enjoyed it as a form of entertainment. Well, color me impressed because Dean Blunt isn't clowning around, he, in fact, makes blissful and transcendental music from left to right.

Dean Blunt was the only few artists that made me want to binge on their discography. His movements in his music has attracted this pesky listener who thinks that being mysterious is a plus. I mean, look at me who thinks The Paul Institute, Panchiko, and Burial are the greatest artists that have walked the face of the earth.

The most I've enjoyed from Dean Blunt's discography are his mixtapes and collaborations: preferably his Soul Fire and ZUSHI, both of which were packaged as B-sides or supplemental releases rather than major releases such as the Babyfather project or the Black Metal releases. His knack for blurring the lines between genres still fascinate me as of this writing, and it continues to amaze me how he doesn't seize to compromise his art, he's here to prove a point and it sells quite well despite the lack of direction in his music. Blunt's music has more aggressive and hazy texture than the hollow, wide, soulless structure of art-pop/hypnagogic pop released today. He creates terrains from the rubble of his country's current shortcomings. The music overlaps the actual intentions with abstract concepts, becoming deconstructed down the line. In Babyfather, noise music coincides with Blunt's amateurish rapping. In Black Metal, Blunt isolates himself along with the assisted skeletal guitar playing. Both projects throwing all tropes in a vaccum alongside Blunt, who he himself would sought to become a personification of a musical void.

--

(Excerpt from the Babyfather album review in TinyMixtapes)

--

Dean Blunt is an entity that wishes to become one person, but no, this isn't a figure in a specific art form; this isn't Banksy, this isn't Bob Ong, this is made by one person, clearly it is if you listen closely, and it's been entrancing me ever since his presence was felt on the horizons of the internet. Dean Blunt, what the actual fuck.

#dean blunt #high fidelity #music #film #music review #2021 #hype williams #Youtube

[realmeisstuff]

The Craziest Thing I Did For Seventeen

I like planning things.

Ever since Ideal Cut and missing the chance to see them in 2018, I've been thinking of ways to fulfill my fangirl dreams without sacrificing my responsibility as a daughter and sister, and also my goals as a nurse.

Working in a private hospital doesn't give you lots of extra money for fangirling. My regular salary could only cover my daily expenses plus contributions for my family needs, so I could only save for my most awaited unannounced Seventeen concert by doing overtime, not using my holiday pay and saving my night differentials, plus super tight budgeting.

It took two years for them to finally announce "Ode to You" world tour. And this time, I'm planning on turning my plans into action.

But before that, I had to find ways to ensure that everything would go smoothly: first, is to arrange my schedule, second is to prove my parents that Seventeen is my drive towards success and not a distraction (because it it necessary for me to get their approval and I don't want them to think that I'm choosing Seventeen over practicality), and three, take my sister with me, because she's the reason why I saw them in the first place, now it's my turn to bring her to them. It's about time that I return the favor by chasing our happiness together.

Maktub.

The first one was resolved probably due to luck that I never knew I had.

Since I've already become a regular employee, I was entitled for an annual vacation, but my schedule was December 2019, while the concert was set on February 2020. I went to my nursing manager and asked if my vacation could be moved to February, but she said that it wouldn't be possible, since the date is fixed. But when she tried to check the schedule in the HR, conflict arised since 4 of us in the ICU department, have the same schedule, and due to under staffing, they needed to arrange it. I volunteered for my schedule to be moved to a later date and so February 1-15 was given to me as my vacation leave.

Lucky, right?

In my excitement, I already booked for the flight and hotel, a crazy impulsive decision that could only be paired with prayers, in hope that it would go the way I plan it to. (But in my defense I had to do it, because it's much cheaper if you booked it earlier than later)

-------------------------------------------------------

The second one was a challenge. How could I convince my parents that I know what to prioritize and that choosing Seventeen isn't impractical? The only answer I could find was to take the english proficiency exam that I was supposed to take 2 years ago, but doesn't have the guts to do it. I've already saved for the exam, but I always come up with excuses (or actually somewhat true) that I don't have time to study due to my work schedule.

But this time for Seventeen (and my nursing career), I'm willing to take a chance (although my non-risk taker self is shaking with anxiety).

It was late in November when I decided to book my exam, I was hoping to take it by December, but maybe God knows I'm still not prepared since I haven't studied intensively yet, that there was a conflict of schedule. My coworker already booked December, and since we're on the same shift, we must not be on leave at the same time. So, I booked the next available schedule, which is January, at least I still have a month to study for the test.

During night shifts, if I don't have anyhing to do, I would practice my writing, then on weekends I would practice my reading and listening. Everyday after duty, I would only sleep for about 6-7 hours, so that I could wake up then practice my speaking for 1-2 hours before my next shift.

Four days before my exam, I had to ask permission to be on leave, so that I could camp out at the site and buy my desired ticket. I had to study while waiting in line. Despite the long hours of waiting, I am determined and excited to finally buy my concert tickets. It also helped that Carats surrounded me, and I felt that I've really found my place. We met our mutuals, and chatted with our co-fans. It was a very memorable moment for me.

January 16,2020. Boo Seungkwan's Birthday and also the day of the exam. I was so nervous, and to calm my nerves, I silently prayed to God for guidance, I joked that "God if only the examiner would ask me about my favorite music, I would be sure that I could pass this exam, because I could talk about Seventeen all day". In my surprise, it was the first question for the first part of the exam. And that's when I knew that where God guides, he provides.

I believe that the universe is conspiring to help me achieve what I truly wanted the most. I passed the test with flying colors, and it helped me gain the approval of my mom to go to the concert.

But then 2020 strikes, and it seems that the pandora box was opened. Health threats due to the covid virus was rising, and everyone was worried that it would reach the country.

I knew the gravity of the situation, but I couldn't stop myself from wanting to go to the concert despite the fear. I started becoming desperate when most of the events were cancelled due to the pandemic.

I held onto that hope that God didn't let me achieve everything I did so far, just to break my heart. I already have the concert and plane tickets, and the hotel was already paid, but on top of all that, I didn't want to disappoint my sister, who wanted this so badly like I do, because after long years of waiting, she could finally have a chance to go home to Manila. Also, my friend, who has never been in any concerts (despite wanting to go), finally took the courage to do this for herself.

When Running Man announced the cancellation of their concert, which is one day after OTY. I couldn't help but cry. I feel like my world is falling apart. Without the fangirl side of me, I would just be my pessimistic, melancholic self who doesn't know how to have fun.

As if that's not bad news enough, due to the massive resignation in the Icu department, they had to rotate the ward staffs and place them in our department, and when they announced the name of the "new" Icu staffs, it feels like I've been struck by a lightning.

In my two years of working, I only had a conflict with two nurses from different departments: The girl who spread rumors about me and the senior nurse from my previous area who traumatized me during my junior days. So, how shocking was it that the newbies would be the both of them? I almost resigned right there and then.

But it only made my desire to go to the concert much stronger, because the only thing that could push me to work even in the most stressful environment with the most difficult co-workers would be Seventeen.

I felt so down as the days went nearer to the concert date. I felt that anytime they would announce the cancellation of the event, and I had to cancel everything I booked as well.

I wanted to tell myself that safety first, but the other side of me wanted to see them so badly...desperate even to risk and live presently without fear. I debated in my head that I would die faster working in the hospital rather than to a one-day concert.

I prayed to the Gods, even done some bargaining, so that we would all be safe to go to the concert. I would rather have toxic shifts with my toxic co-workers than to miss this concert. I was that desperate.

But Inang announced that the concert would push through.

*Insert happy tears and fangirl squeals*

I made the necessary preparations, so that I would ensure our safety. We brought n95 and surgical mask with us plus we take 1000 mg vitamin c everyday.

We encountered problems along the way such as the hotel canceling our reservation, even though I've already paid the downpayment, and heavy rains while searching for the hotel, but we made it.

We were able to sort out the problems, and enjoyed the day before the concert. We did some pilgrimage and went to Saem store where they did their fansigning event. We also stopped by their hotel, but just to look at the place.

On the day of the concert, we went inside the arena early, and was able to join the Carat activities. It was exhilarating to be on the same area as Seventeen, and I felt so ecstatic like I'm in cloud nine.

Although me and my friends were separated by barricade while we're looking for coffee, we still had a great time chatting with others.

Finally, we we're allowed to go inside and find our VIP seats. I was so overwhelmed, because of how close it was to the stage as compared to my previous lower box experience, that I couldn't stop from shedding happy tears. My sister was in awe, and I held onto her as I calm myself.

This is the moment I've been waiting for. Not only these past 2 years, but I think that I needed this for my whole life.

I cried once again after the concert. I was so happy. I've never been this happy in my life. Everything was worth it and I don't regret anything.

SepAnx was real, as me, my sister and my friend, cried during our flight back to the province. But despite the longing, we knew that February 8, 2020 will forever go down in the history as the perfect day when we were able to reached goals, and became the happiest fangirl in the universe.

Hopefully, we would be able to do this again when the world heals. And when that time comes, I hope we'll see them, all thirteen of them.

#ode to you in mnl #odetoyou #seventeen #fangirl #fangirlstory #seungcheol #jeonghan #jisoo #junhui #soonyoung #wonwoo #jihoon #myungho #mingyu #seokmin #seungkwan #hansol #chan

[tsultrimpawo]

Groundlessness and Gratitude

Since wrinting this, the world has become even more confused and filled with hatred and greed. Not long after the COVID-19 lockdown, there came to light at least two very violent examples of racial injustice that have been in the world spotlight.

I'm thinking specifically about George Floyd's murder by the local police in Minneapolis.

Seeing the senseless and unnecessary violence that took a man's life brings about a multitude of feelings. Shock, anger, fear to name the most obvious. I am determined to meet this with compassion, which means I must not turn away from the emotional reactions to this. When I examine the shock and anger and fear, I see that underneath these reactions there is a profound sadness. I do not want to lose touch with my own humanity. Therefore, it is imperatives that I allow myself the time and space to experience the full range of reactions I am having. In doing this, I recognize that there is suffering all around.

To quote the Four Great Vows:

"Sentient beings are numberless; we vow to save them all.

Delusions are endless; we vow to cut through them all.

The teachings are infinite; we vow to learn them all.

The Buddha way is inconceivable; we vow to attain it."

Uncertainty....

I don't know about the rest of you, but uncertainty is not my favorite experience. When it comes to morality and being told what to do, I like to say that certainty is absurd (Voltaire once said, "Doubt is an uncomfortable condition, but certainty is a ridiculous one."). But, when I am completely honest with myself, I don't like applying the same thing to life situations.

Take the COVID-19 situation,for example... I don't like the uncertainty of this time in our history because I can't rely on the usual routines and interactions with my friends that comfort me. Many places are closing and/or limiting the public's access. Meeting friends at the local coffee shop is not really an option (in fact, restaurants and bars are essentially closed by executive order of the governor). I'm not sure that it's wise to meet friends outdoors either, I suppose it's cool as long as we stay 6 feet apart...if the CDC and WHO are correct.

Add to all the uncertainty of this COVID-19 situation that I am in the middle of moving and changing my life in fundamental, and in some cases radical ways. I am also looking for work in an environment where hiring isn't a top priority (because of the virus...).

Everything seems to be up in the air. Kind of like the moment when you toss a ball in the air and it's suspended for a microsecond before it falls back down. The urge to try to control something, anything, is very strong.

The interesting thing is that, if I am honest with myself, the only real difference between now and any other time is that, because of this pandemic, the move, and the job search, the groundlessness of the moment is much more obvious. The truth of the matter is that this groundlessness is actually quite ordinary. The usual sense of routine and certainty is an illusion. Anything can happen at any time. I try very hard to maintain routines that are comforting but the reality of the situation is that life is uncertain.

Now...what to do with this...?

I can allow myself to lapse into nihilism and just say, 'fuckit' (which only serves to make me feel even more uncomfortable), or I can do as my teacher, Gangaji encourages me to:

Stop.

Tell the truth.

Be still.

When I do this, I discover gratitude. I am grateful because the current conditions of life have highlighted the truth that life is uncertain. I am grateful for this because it makes the experience of love and friendship even more precious because they are impermanent.

I am reminded of a Buddhist parable:

A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger. He fled, the tiger after him. Coming to a precipice, he caught hold of the root of a wild vine and swung himself down over the edge. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Trembling, the man looked down to where, far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him. Only the vine sustained him.

Two mice, one white and one black, little by little started to gnaw away the vine. The man saw a luscious strawberry near him. Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other. How sweet it tasted!

#Youtube

[kez2402]

50 Days of Lockdown

Bird.

Definition: warm-blooded, egg-laying, vertebrate animal distinguished by the possession of feathers, wings, a beak, and typically by being able to fly.

Flying.

Definition: floating, fluttering, waving, hanging, or moving freely in the air.

Freely.

Definition: Not under the control of another; as one wishes.

Example: "I roamed freely".

Life.

Definition: the year 2020.

Example: "I cannot roam freely".

*************************

Dear Diary,

Its day 50 of lockdown.

Weeks seem like days, days seem like hours and hours seem like minutes. The time continuum seems to have stopped. The Earth is standing still. Although time moves on it feels like we are stuck in a loop where everything has simply stopped moving. Nature is finally flourishing, the Earth is healing and people are experiencing the Great Realisation.

I write to you from the deep, green heart of the forest. The green leaves of the trees blanketing me from the sun as it begins it's journey to disappearing upon the horizon. The world has been silenced, but nature is signing louder than ever. The sound of songbirds echo through the grassland, a small bird with a distinctive bright blue crown and a tail with a yellow underside landed in front of me, cocking it's head at me before flying off.

I watch as the yellow of it's wings soar freely from tree to tree and I thought about the times where I, too, was free. As of today, May 4th 2020, I am not free. I am a bird in a cage, unable to roam freely, live freely. Unable to leave your house unless necessary, no social interaction, stress and uncertainty, life is tough.

The Covid-19 pandemic has taken the world by storm. Something that seemed so far away, is now on our doorsteps. Some closer than others.

This morning, I discovered my Nan was admitted to hospital for what they thought was pneumonia......it wasn't.

Covid-19 now threatened the life of someone I love.

While I am aware she is doing well I can't help but find myself preparing for the worst. This pandemic has now hit home and it made me realise how important family is. We often take it for granted and show more care for materialistic things, but the greatest gift of all isn't something you can buy; it's the love of family.

I have abandoned all school work and exam preparation, landing me up here; on a tree trunk in the middle of the forest. The world has become chaotic, stressed and anxious. We often forget about the nature of our planet and the beauty it holds, but we also forget how it harmonises. There are so many different species, predator and prey, but yet there is balance, harmony.

When I enter the avenue of trees the outside world disappeares; its just me and nature. I describe it as a sanctuary of peace. I find the same tree trunk every day and sit there; it was my tree, my space, my safe haven. When I'm here thoughts of the Leaving Cert, death and chaos all disappear and the only thing I have to focus on is the song of the birds, the shades of green.

If only it were real.

For now, it is only a pigment of my imagination and memory. I sit here, the glass of the window standing between me and the outside. The restrictions standing between me and my tree. There is nothing I want to do more than hop the fence of my back garden and run for the trees, standing tall, creating a wall of nature. I envy the birds as they fly free over the emerald kingdom, while we are caged inside.

If anything positive is to come out of this challenging time is the lessons it has, so far, taught us.

Lesson number 1: Be there for each other.

Lesson number 2: Its okay to not feel okay.

Lesson number 3: Nothing lasts forever.

These lessons have also been realisations.

Realisation number 1: We need to be there for each other.

Realisation number 2: Not everyone feels okay all the time and that's okay.

Realisation number 3: Nothing ever last forever.

Not only has our lives changed, I feel we as the Human race have changed too. We had lost sight of who we really are and now, now we have become grounded, realising the things we had prioritised in our lives were, in fact, only temporary. I suppose you could say we only realise what we had when its gone. Things have been put into perspective. This whole situation and how it affects you is all based on your perspective. One might look at this and think of how bad it is, how it has disturbed the flow and routine of our lives, while another might look at this and see it as a way of nature telling us to heal, to find the harmony that it has.

The Leaving Cert is slowly creeping up on me as the motivation to work has completely disappeared. Classes and workloads have continued and will continue into the time frame that I have labelled 'summer'. That summer before college has been cancelled for the 61,053 students who are expected to sit exams, that determine their future, in the middle of a global pandemic. At the moment, for some of us, there are more important things than the Leaving Cert, such as family. By July, some of us will be grieving, we will be scared and we will be expected to preform our best performance when their are people dying all around us. We are risking our health, both physically and mentally, because tradition is more important than us.

There is no point in complaining now, I suppose, it is what it is. The future will be what it will be. The biggest achievement in a time like this, is surviving and coming out the other end of it. In a time like now where everything is uncertain, there is one thing that is certain:

We will get through this.

Not I will or you will.

We will.

Its been 50 days since it started.

Its been 50 days since I've seen my family, friends.

Its been 50 days since life as we knew it, would change.

We can count the days that have passed since we were first caged by the virus, but we cannot countdown the days until it ends.

Until we fly free again,

-K.

#wattpad #wattpadauthor #quarentine #lockdown #quarantine 2020 #april 2020 #june 2020 #may 2020 #ireland

[charmprince]

Same thoughts... Separation Anxiety. 😔🤗💞

"Ten years from now or even more, our couple well be just you and me. The Nuisance and the Handsome Prince." 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

#คั่นกูตอนจบ #2getherthesereis

This post not mine. But this is the exact thought that I have regarding the series. And I think we should be like this instead of spreading negativity about 2gether.

[2gether The Series Appreciation Post] by Zeric Paguinto

As an employee that's living kilometers away from my family, I always tend to look for something that could entertain me. 2016, I decided to watch a Thai series out of boredom (prior that, I've been watching Thai BL movies already. I was not into series back then as it requires longer time to finish such). That very series conquered my life and gave me so much inspiration (that's Love Sick) hence, I am still here watching more of the same until #2getherTheSeries came into my life. A series that I must say different from others. Anyways GMMTV never fails to give us a show which has a beautiful plot that could make our hearts shake, bend and even break.

Going back to 2gether, what are the elements that made it groundbreaking? (At least for me):

1. The STORY itself. I am a great fan of novels with back story that has big impact to future happenings. I love mysteries as well as revelations and 2gether has that! It's not a typical college/ high school love story that we know. Too good to be true like fantacy. Like a fairy tale that all of us are dreaming of since we're a little. Who would dare to ask a stranger to be his fake boyfriend - the fact that you're also a guy? The said plot is perfect for hopeless romantic person like me. This show promotes pure love over lust. Happy that they tried to break BL series stereotype. Even in ending no, passionate kiss delivered. I believe that every LGBTQ+ story is inspirational, unique and colorful. You can learn meaningful lessons from it. (Like Grey Rainbow, one of my favorites)

2. ACTORS & THEIR ACTING. Picking someone who's newbie and a veteran that never been into this genre was a risk. On the contrary they played the role effectively! What makes the people fall for Sarawat? His face definitely - it is very addictive! He seems mysterious on and off cam which made us curious about this person (what can he bring to the table?). And of course, being proficient in playing guitar and his singing ability! That's indeed admirable! If you're an avid fan of him, I bet you know what he had gone through before this. Such a responsible son! Bright is kind of reserved guy hence, he's perfect for the role like you would think that it was really designed for him! Tine or Win on the other hand is very refreshing to the eyes! Very oriental looking guy. Beginning wasn't easy for him though as he got bashed by many. Telling that they should've chosen better actor. Win had shut them up eventually through his excellent acting skill, bubbly/funny personality that makes him cute and adorable as hell. And the most important thing is for having a million dollar smile, which is actually a requirement of the character Tine. His acting is very natural, it seems that he has control button for his tears, that he could hit whenever the scene needs it - for a new comer, that's undoubtedly commendable! Amerasian guy & Strong Asian Look cutie tandem is not bad at all! It has worked well! Both characters are very masculine which (for my preference) is a plus factor. They are totally different from each other but as they say, negative attracts positive.

3. OFFICIAL SOUND TRACK. As Sarawat mentioned in episode 3. "You dont need to understand music, you just have to feel it". Through melody alone, I was able to relate on every scene. And the time I've learned the lyrics, I fell in love more with Scrubb band, and Bright too! Every word in these songs is heart-strucking and trully relatable. Like flashbacks are coming to my mind, or out of nowhere I would see myself in a music video. That's too dramatic, but sweet! Tine is correct, I get to be happier, feel better and in love more whenever I am listening to these songs, and for that, I would certainly love to hear these masterpieces all day! Kan Goo is Bright's debut song and I am proud of him because it's his dream to become a recording artist. It is now happening! As for Scrubb, they are existing since 2000, they should be thankful to the writer for including them in the picture. Instantly, they are now international artists - well deserved recognition because they are really talented.

4. COVID 19 - Some BL fans are arguing about the success of 2gether the series. Some says that if it isn't because of the pandemic, it won't be a trend at all, for it won't be able to reach larger community. I agree, but I took that fact positively. I know that it is God's timing - never early nor late, always perfect! The stars have aligned for the series to be on its current state. They are simply blessed!

Now that 2gether the series have come to an end, I would like to take this oppurtunity to thank all those individuals who made this show possible, you made my boring weeks and quarantine days meaningful ones.

GMMTV, thank you for producing another BL themed TV program. This kind of entertainment has been my comfort zone for years now. You are already part of me! Scrubb, for sharing your good music to everyone, I hope I could watch one of your concerts in the future. P'Jitti, the writer, we owe you one! We can't thank you enough for bringing Sarawat and Tine's epic love story into my life. Please continue making a worth sharing work of art! You're a genius! To the cast and crews, your hardwork has been paid off! Kudos for a job well done!

One lesson I have learned from the series is that, we should always pursue our love whatever the result may be. Take a chance or lose it!

To all the BL fans out there! We should always encourage each other. This kind of series aims to make us united and not to generate wars. Always show respect on individual's preferences. We are family and so there shouldn't be any competetion. It has been a fruitful 3 months with you guys! Let's all hit CTRL+S so we won't forget all the good memories happened in regards to 2getherTheSeries.

Many of you would say, "dont be sad, you may always check Bright and Win through social media". I know that! But #SarawaTine is different from #BrightWin and so I will never be satisfied looking at their IG stories or twitter updates. And we all know that it's impossible for them to be in a relationship in real life. That doesn't mean that I will not support them moving forward. It is just that I am deeply saddened to realize that starting today, I don't have a special something to look forward to every Friday. I was living for 2gether The Series! I am probably exaggerating but seperation anxiety is hitting me now so please bare with my emotions. I hope I could get to see you soon Bright and Win! From the bottom of my heart, Khon Khun Kap! I wish you both good luck! See you on Season 2 Our Nuisance and Handsome Prince!