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dahliaes · 2 months

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girl tell me something that YOU !!!! want to share. i always want to hear abt lv, you know that but just share whatever you want !! 🩷

TEHHEHEHEHE KATIE I LOVEEE YOUU

since this is a very small acc i dont mind say this on here:

i wanna delete lily valley so bad

like truly. i hate it i hate it SO much it doesnt reflect me as a writer, i didnt execute it well at all. it isnt jean and maddys story, in fact, i have their REAL story planned out in my head

so many ppl (even some of my own friends) perceive jean as some narcissistic douche bag taking advantage of a desperate pathetic young girl and that isnt what they are at all. ive built this extensive universe with rage and i could tell you a thousand reasons why maddy and jean love each other but if you actually READ whats published youll be like …no they dont?

published lv isnt their story. what ACTUALLY happens between maddy and jean is this: he builds her a cabin and actually refuses to take her virginity until he believes hes earned it

see i feel like ppl who hate on lv dont wanna give me a break or cut me some slack because they just dont know that lily valley was orginally a one shot, it wasnt supposed to turn into a love story so i was just making do with what i had. part one was a smutty taboo one shot and nothing more and im completely fine w it!!! if i wanted to write a love story back then, i would have but i didnt!

i tried okay like i rlly tried and executed it so poorly that so many ppl hate it and hate me because of it—but thats not even the point the point is

the universe in my head is SO much better than what has been revealed and published online. maddy isnt some pathetic childish lana del rey and old man obsessed girly, shes a strange little fairy that collects bones and herbs and flowers and jumps on jeans back and bites his ears shes bubbly and energetic loves everything and everyone

and jean isnt at ALL what i wrote n published n what people perceive him as. hes silly and grumpy and humble and is constantly falling down tripping on stuff he built maddy a CABIN—in the words of @theragethatisdesire “like genuinely i know jean would kill for her would die for her blah blah but he’s also capable like if she needs something he’s making sure it gets done if she wants something he’s building it with his own bare hands until they bleed he is a man FOR her”

i could tell you EVERYTHING about how jean loves maddy but you wouldnt believe me because thats how it started?

truthfully i just tell myself and rage that published lv was actually just a weird daydream maddy had that didnt happen at all

and it jsut sucks that im such a bad writer that i couldnt salvage the story in the first place. i couldve made jean softer and nicer and more in love with her like he TRULY is, i couldve made maddy less desperate and more giggly and soft like she actually is but at the time i was just having fun and idk took it too far? i dont know but i fucked up

and it sucks even more that i never got the chance to explain all this because i was getting threatened on shepnicolo because SHEPNICOLO WROTE SOMETHING THAT WAS SO DISGUSTING PEOPLE HATED HER AND WANTED TO THROW THINGS AT HER AND STOLE HER SAFE SPACE

idk!!!! does any of this make sense? im sorry for rambling sjjdjdjdjsjdks prob gonna delete

#sigh #its probably fine #katiebug #ily #dahlia.valley #moot.katie #asks <3 #dahlia.txt

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sluttypatrickstar · 1 year

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i have suffered. i have received unspeakable brain trauma. i have read sentences that i simply cannot unread. that's right, it's time for my chaotic review of verity by colleen hoover!

now i wrote an actual, proper review of this book that used paragraphs and real grammar, but this is tumblr. you're getting the bullet points, you're getting the sweary words, you're getting the dissolution of my sanity.

there's a lot of graphic and disturbing content in this book, so if you're bothered by that kind of thing, it might be best not to read.

the plot:

so our narrator, lowen ashleiggghghghg, is hired by this guy jeremy crawford to finish his wife verity's thriller book series bcus verity was in a car accident and is now profoundly disabled (can't move, can't talk, needs regular care, etc.)

she needs verity's notes and somehow ends up living in verity's house so she can spend literally all day going through verity's office. the only believable part of this is that a writer could be so disorganised that you'd need full days to try and go through all of their stuff

for some context, jeremy is apparently brooding (though i see like, 0 evidence of this) over his wife's accident as well as the deaths of his twin daughters chastin and harper

in verity's office, lowen finds a manuscript that looks like it's verity's autobiography

verity's autobiography starts as overly detailed jeremy smut and oh my fucking god i mean overly detailed i wish i could GOUGE my fucking EYES out this is just BAD PORN this book is like 90% porn 10% no-plot

anyway as this autobiography goes on, lowen is like. holy shit. verity is cuckoo bananas. she is OBSESSED with jeremy. she does that patrick star thing of "what do you when i'm at work all day?" "wait for you to get back :(". she wants to be jezza's ONLY focus and resents her daughters for taking his focus away

like, she tries to plan out her pregnancy so that she'll gain as little weight as possible, but then she finds out they're twins and she's like omg im RUINED and tries to miscarry and abort them

after they're born, she has a premonition of her daughter harper killing her other daughter, chastin (the only daughter she likes, verity fucking hates her kids but randomly starts loving chastin). chastin does in fact die of anaphylactic shock when she's around 8 and verity blames harper

jeremy won't fuck verity because he's so sad about his daughter's death, and verity is not having this, but through some twisted logic she's like maybe he'll be all out of grief if another daughter dies! so she kills harper and stages it as a canoe accident

back to lowen, she's reading this autobiography at an absolute snail's pace (like 1 short chapter a day) while also living with Hot Dad Jeremy (she's into him, especially after reading all that Jeremy Porn), this is most of the book tbh . a series of weird things happen that convince her that verity is faking her disability

lowen is also 100% convinced that verity is PURE FUCKING EVIL from this autobiography

fast forward, jeremy and lowen hook up (surprised pikachu face)

and yes, verity was faking being disabled, where is her OSCAR for that METHOD ACTING that fooled the HOSPITAL the NURSES for MONTHS!!! she didnt even flinch when lowen tried to startle her by literally throwing something across the room. daniel day-lewis is SHAKING

lowen shows jeremy the autobiography and jeremy starts choking verity

lowen is like, stop! they'll know u did it! think of ur son, he'll be fatherless!

actually you should kill him by making her puke instead so they'll think she just aspirated on her own vomit ;)

so jeremy does that instead because that's totally the most sensible option to do in this particular scenario

7 month timeskip and all is great because EVIL verity is DEAD and now lowen and jeremy can be together forever and they even have a new baby on the way bcus jeremy came inside her no condom and apparently every woman in this book is insanely fertile and gets pregnant on the first try

TWIST TIME!!!

they go back to verity and jeremy's house to finish clearing out their stuff

but... lowen finds a note in verity's room...

verity claims that the autobiography was just a writing example to help her write from an antagonistic perspective (her thriller series is notably written from the villain's POV)

jeremy found the autobiography and tried to choke verity to death, but when that failed, he set up her car accident, after which verity decided she had to fake being disabled so she could run away with their living son crew and eventually explain everything

but this plan is an F bcus shes fuckin dead now isnt she

so much effort and for WHAT

the book leaves us with the fucking stupid dry ass cliché question of: WHICH WAS THE REAL VERITY? WHAT WERE THE LIES? WAS THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY REAL OR NOT? and actually i dont give a flying fuck i was just glad to be done

my thoughts

the characters in the book make the most ridiculous and nonsensical decisions and trust me i can say that for sure bcus i have never made a good decision in my life

in the opening chapters, lowen witnesses a car accident & is splattered with blood on the way to her publisher meeting

she encounters jeremy (tho she doesnt know who he is yet) and he takes her to the men's bathroom of a coffee shop to get cleaned up

lowen tAKES HER SHIRT OFF IN FRONT OF THIS ABSOLUTE STRANGER

i am trying to ignore this red flag maybe shes just confident

jeremy proceeds to lock the door to the men's bathroom so that no one else can come in, and lowen finds this comforting! how chivalrous of mr sexy man jeremy!

WHAT THE FUCK LOWEN? HOW IS THIS COMFORTING? I'D BE FUCKING. I'D BE PANICKING SO BAD I'D BE OUT THE DOOR

later in the book we find out that lowen has a chronic sleepwalking problem and can even open inside locks when she's sleepwalking

she broke her wrist sleepwalking when she was a kid so it's not really safe for her to be able to get out and about while sleepwalking

jeremy offers to install a lock on the outside of lowen's bedroom door, so that she can't leave her bedroom without him opening the outside lock for her

instead of finding this FUCKING TERRIFYING

she's Thrilled by his generosity! wow! isn;t jeremy so kind and thoughtful?

lowen! LOWEN!!! GIRL!!!!!!!!!

lucky for her jeremy is apparently a nice guy so jeremy's fucking weird actions are glossed over and theyre so nice arent they... haha...

dude i wanna know what the fuck jeremy has that women are literally OBSESSED with him. hes so bland. he has no personality. he's a cardboard cutout of a man but apparently he has good dick idk

lowen is so besotted with jeremy that she doesnt think it's bad that he tried to kill his wife twice and then succeeded on the third try

no! it's actually so sweet because it proves how much of a dedicated father he is! he thinks verity killed harper so by killing her he's just being such a good and protective dad haha! murder is okay

there was also just way too much sex in this book like i said it before but truly i cannot encapsulate how much of this book was sex. and in case u were wondering about the quality of the sex, 50 shades author EL james is in the acknowledgements of this book.

how are people giving this book 5 stars? it's fucking. it's laughably bad. the plot is so stupid. the characters are boring. no-one makes a single good decision. jeremy is white bread. it's like, really really bad. i really need to know if the straights giving this book 5 stars need help, therapy, or jesus. if u do, please blink SOS in morse code, i will come and get u.

everyone who has a superiority complex because they've never read a single CoHo book is correct . u guys are doing great

#rant review #anti colleen hoover #anti coho

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azsazz · 2 months

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CC3 Anon

spoilers under cut

Hiii it’s CC anon. THANK GOD YOU RESPONDED NO ONE ELSE I KNOW IS READING THIS BOOK 😭

I finished CC3 last night and yeah. I enjoyed the pacing at the beginning of this book more than the first two books because we’re already in the thick of the climax and don’t have to build up suspense again but omg it dragged in the middle.

I did not care for Ithan at all I’m sorry. And yes he hasn’t been a pro sun all player in YEARS idk why she keeps bringing it up. I think someone stumbled and he caught her and Sarah went “his sunball reflexes” HES A WOLF HE WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE QUICK REFLEXES. Had him running up and down to resurrect Sigrid and in the end it DIDNT EVEN MATTER.

Lmaoooo Ithan mostly acted ago appropriate if I think about it. He's like 20 I'm assuming since he's around college age. He's def not my favorite character either tbh. Love how everything fell into his lap tho. Literally anytime he was mentioned so was snuball it was so fucking dumb.

I know you like Tharion but can he do anything right omg. Ithan carried him with the Viper Queen. Sathia carried him in front of the Ocean Queen 😭 I WAS SO PISSED ABOUT THE ANTIDOTES OMG and then Ithan went and did the same. I see why they are best friends like wow stupid really follows stupid.

LMAO I love Tharion, yes he'd definitely dumb and needs to make better decisions but I liked how witty he was in the first book. He really needs to stop with the whole woe is me act tho. omg the antidotes shit don't even get me started. half of the stuff that she wrote for the book didn't even matter in the end. like, we could've cut this damn book down 300 pages tbh, nothing would've been missed because nothing made sense even.

I don’t hate Bryce. She did annoy me though. I hated when Aelin wouldn’t tell people about her plans and could not stand it from Bryce here. Her yelling at Hunt about having to face the consequences of their actions. I’m like dude you went to another world and came back powered up. Hunt stayed and was tortured brutally like what? I know why she doesn’t want him to have guilt about it but it’s his 3rd time going through this and failing. And now he has more to lose. Of course he would be feeling a type of way.

I do not like her at all lol. The whole not telling people plans things pissed me off because her loud mouth is not like that. AND THEN SHE HAS THE AUDACITY TO TELL HUNT "OH YOU DONT EVEN WANT TO BE HERE" girl maybe if you told someone the fuckin plan they would feel a bit more confident about going through with it for fucks sake. she's a mean girl and i can't stand her and i don't think she's funny at all she is so cringe to me haha. HUNT HAS ALREADY TRIED GOING AGAINST THE ASTERI AND HE WAS TORTURED FOR 200 YEARS?! Then he gets freed and has to do it all over again?! Like, why are we yelling at this man? of course he's weary.

I’m not the biggest fan of her swagger at times. Like sometimes we don’t need the quippy (read: unfunny) one liners :/

LITERALLY

The STAKES???? Bryce should’ve stayed dead! It would have been a lot more impactful. Even the torturing scenes kind of didn’t hit as much after the fact cause everyone can just regrow their limbs and be fine. No one had a single nightmare about what happened to them? I thought we would see something like that beyond “a glimmer of darkness in his eyes” idk :/

The entire "someone dying only to be brought to life on the next page" has definitely fucking worn off now but sjm apparently can't see that. she created a world with 50+ characters only to not use half of them when it matters. so stupid. Also, i don't remember them being able to regrow limbs tbh.

Maybe the book would’ve been too long but I was genuinely shocked we didn’t get more scenes of anyone on the actual battlefield. We were mostly in the palace after Bryce and Hunt teleported, and then the moment with Lidia and the sprites. But maybe the book would’ve been too toooo long idk.

Yeah there really was only like 60 pages of the end scene. but as soon as i saw the word space i actually almost DNFd it because what the actual fuck was that.

I will say I really like how the male friendships are genuine. I honestly can’t tell you that Bryce, Fury, and June are friends LMAO. (I’m exaggerating but I do kinda agree with this) .

Yeah, i love Ruhn, dec, and flynn's relationship. i think sjm tries to be like "oh yeah girl power, strong fmc's" but there's no women in the books? and they all don't like each other? like danika, bryce, fury, and juniper seemed like mean girls? girls that didn't give a fuck about anyone else? idk. the way that the men to women ratio in her books is very interesting to me. and the fack that EVERY man that comes across bryce thinks she's the most gorgeous girl to have ever lived...fuck off with that logic.

My girl Jesiba :////// She was my favorite for sure. I'm indifferent about her lol. Her entire storyline i feel was just made up like two months ago so she could connect to the other series lol

I do agree with what you said about Bryce (I legit almost wrote Aelin LMFAO) . I was not expecting her to just say no rulers for the Fae at all. But I guess a Senate would be more democratic.

SO STUPID. The Senate (starwars)

Im sure there will be a fourth book but I am so uninterested in Tharion and Ariadne like who caresssssssss. If Im interested in Ithan, it’s because I want to see more Perry. I wonder how connected this world and ACOTAR will remain.

I honestly hope it ends at 4 books. I think that would be a perfect ending because there's four houses. no need for more im already sick of it. yeah i liked perry too. i hope they're no longer connected lol.

Ruhn and Lidia :) but HE LEGIT SHOT HER?? I know she was acting irrationally because of her sons and he wanted to make sure she didn’t get herself killed but then he shot her. Like okay 😭. I think my favorite couples are Bryce’s parents and Lidia and Ruhn. Ruhn just seems so hot 😭.

Ruhn is a winner for sure for sure.

I’m writing too much and I’m scared this app will just shut down so I’ll quit here. I still think the first book is the worst one in this series. But I had fun with this one (despite my hang ups) and I’m glad it’s over (for now :/).

THANKS FOR LETTING ME RANT!!!

THANKS FOR LETTING ME RANT TOO!

CC anon!! I went to goodreads to read reviews of the book and I genuinely cannot believe how many 5 star ratings this book got. I mean, I can and can’t believe it. Atp anything Sarah puts out will average at least a 4 star rating on there and sell a crap ton.

I think people just give her that rating because she's popular, not because they read lol. oh yeah, why do you think she released 5 different bonus chapters. talk about a greedy cash grab. that mentality kinda makes me sick im not even going to lie.

I was reading through the 2-star reviews and someone mentioned their shock at how quickly Ruhn and Lidia resolved their issues which I totally agree with. She said she hated him and would never forgive him for what he did, and she was right! I know why Ruhn did it, but I genuinely still cannot believe he actually shot her, even if she was gonna be okay. That’s a terrible time to be worrying about a wound like that when you want to be at full strength to fight for your children.

Yeah half of the plot lines felt stupid? like what? he couldn't have stopped her any other way...really? i feel like she did not think this book through as well as she thought she did tbh. seems to be her thing these days.

(Even when Hunt said he hated Bryce for stopping him from killing Celestina, I was like Oh!)

OMG THAT WAS ACTUALLY WILD. YEAH OKAY. I TOTALLY BELIEVE THEY'RE MATES.

The reviewer said Sarah should have left their relationship on the rocks so we could get Ruhn groveling in the fourth book, and I can’t get that idea out of my head. ESPECIALLY with their bonus scene. Idk if you’ve read it but I was like ??? I like them as a couple and I like their story, but it did seem like it was all patched up insanely quickly. Like if you shot me then the very LEAST you could do is get my kids to safety. That alone would not necessarily make me forgive you.

I didn't read their bonus chapter but i can't believe they moved in with each other literally after like two days of knowing each other in real life. bro, you just found out she has two kids? you don't know the woman at all lol. no, everyone has to have a happy ending by the last page of the book or else. lol. no suspense.

#cc3 spoilers #cc3 #hofas #hofas spoilers

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skrunksthatwunk · 1 year

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ok the last post i reblogged sent me on a minedai spiral and i wrote a massive textpost i didn't actually finish and watched like 30 mins of cutscenes including the whole finale rooftop stuff [yakuza 3 spoilers to follow] and god WHAT THE FUCK I'm actually crying like multiple consecutive tears over fucking. MINE YOSHITAKA. not that he's not worth it but i Did Not Care That Much when i first saw that scene but after spiralling over his emotions i am apparently DEVASTATED. cannot stress enough that i do not cry very often at all. this is a rare event. but it's just so fucking sad. when you know what's happening and what's going to happen and how mine feels the atmosphere is so fucking miserable and mournful. god. fuck. the way he looks at kiryu when he's like what are you going to do to daigo you bastard. THE GUILT THE HESITATION. HE'S NOT WELL. the love of his LIFE got hurt under his protection and he is NOT HANDLING IT WELL HE'S HANDLING IT SO FUCKING BADLY that he's decided to kill him because he's basically dead and he can't stand waiting for the other shoe to drop. he's losing his mind over this he's actually losing his entire purpose and ideology and he's fucking. gay as hell. and the way he says "oh yeah you know how it was growing up as an orphan. no one trusted or loved me. i had nothing" when, frankly, kiryu DIDNT have it that bad. but he did lose those people, one of whom's death has a striking resemblance to mine's in a minute. idek how i wanna unpack that rn. like he just assumes it's universal and it's not. but if they grew up in the same circumstances who's to say kiryu wouldn't have ended up like him? and when he collapses after the fight and his secretary calls him and he tries to open up to her about the shallow but meaningful (to lonely ass mine) relationship they have and she starts talking about stock exchange bs and he's like kiryu do you ever feel like your world is falling apart around you. he's been worried sick he's been agonizing he almost killed his dead beloved chairman. and the way daigo uses the same gun mine used to shoot at kiryu and was gonna use to kill him to save mine and kiryu. how his first lines are that he's not ready to die yet. how mine cowers and falls to his knees when daigo wakes up. fuckkk dude. and how mine starts all rational and explanatory and calm in tone and when kiryu starts pressing him he starts freaking the fuck out and when daigo wakes up he finally has a mournful tone. him saying he doesn't deserve to live but not admitting he betrayed daigo. he never even told him he loved him, as far as we know. (god the fact that it still manages to be devastating even with richardson's CHOICE acting and daigo's coma trickshot is insane.) and how he tells kiryu he hates those who always try to help others even when that's the trait that drew him to daigo, and when he lets kiryu help him (read: beat a moral into him) he wishes he'd met him sooner, as if the belief that there wasn't only one person who could care about him would have saved him has set in, as if he realizes now that he never accepted help and that's why he was wrong about those do-gooders, and that perhaps he was wrong about them and himself, that it wasn't because they were lying to him or because he was unlikable, but that he did not let them in. because that's literally what's happening. AND I FUCKING. FORGOT DAIGO ASKS KIRYU IF MINE WAS THE TRAITOR AFTER HE WATCHES HIM FUCKING KILL HIMSELF AND KIRYU SAYS NO HE WOULD NEVER BETRAY YOU. HE LIES TO COVER HIS ASS BECAUSE HE UNDERSTANDS HOW BROKEN HE WAS ABOUT THIS AND CANT BEAR TO RUIN HIS IMAGE IN THE EYES OF THE ONE PERSON MINE REALLY CARED ABOUT, REALLY LOVED. FUCKS SAKE.

#anyway. mine and kiryu son-in-law + father-in-law unity is underrated those two would be close if mine lived i feel #watching the cutscenes i just kept pausing and yelling WHAT THE FUCKKKK and bawling #having a serious Minedai Moment here in the skrunks household tonight #it's been like 2 hours im not kidding #minedai #rgg #mine yoshitaka #i didnt get it at first but i get it now. god #holy shit #that bit where he's like i could have any woman i wanted. but it was all a lie. so i sought out male bonds instead to see if love existed #congrats on figuring it out babe!!! you're a homosexual <3 #yakuza 3 #fucking. he thinks orphans are entitled he's such a capitalist I SHOULD NOT LIKE HIM #but hes. so fucking unhealthy about that man #insaned in the membraned about him tonight in ways i legit never would have expected. i am eating my bedsheets #hes such a funny character and he's ruining my night /pos #i have only played y3 once but the more i think about it the more it's like. i reaalllyy like yakuza 3 apparently and i didnt even know lol

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lowkeyremi · 2 months

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Spread love to fanfic writers! Answer these questions about your fanfics then send this to 5 other fanfic writers Name a fic you loved writing the most. Name a fic that others loved but you didn’t care for as much. Name a fic you had the most fun writing. Name a fic that you are the most proud of. Name a fic that you wish had gotten more recognition. Name your happiest/saddest/most comedic fics!

remi's note: hi anon!!!! i actually like this cuz it gives me time to really think about my fics!!

but here is my opinion for each question:

Name a fic you loved writing the most: Morning w the kids (bakugo x reader) i haven't written for bakugo in awhile and the funny thing is when i first started watching/reading bnha i HATED bakugo with a passion. but i started reading fics and i just knew i had to write something about domestic bakugo. the whole time i was writing i was just smiling about how cute he would be with his kiddos. AND LET ME TELL YOU him cooking breakfast with baby shoko strapped to his chest AHHHHH it did something to me. gosh i love him.

Name a fic that others loved but you didn’t care for as much: Enchanted (gojo x reader) i think the only reason i didn't like it was because i don't usually write for gojo and i was trying not to mischaracterize him. after i posted it i didn't look at it again. i think if i put more time and thought into it it could have been a lot better :)

Name a fic you had the most fun writing: def the haikyuu dads series! Haikyuu men as fathers: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4 (hehe there'll be a part 5 one day, someone has brought to my attention that i didn't do papa ushi) After reading some of the amazing domestic haikyuu dad fics by @emmyrosee (sorry for the tag, but i have to give credit when it's due) i decided my first post was gonna be about some of the boys i love and it ended up becoming a little series. haikyuu is superrrrrrr close to my heart so writing them as dads was a lot of fun!!

Name a fic that you are the most proud of: goshhhh this is so hard but it has to be Bringing him home (atsumu x reader) i loveeeee silly tsumu. i think besides my haikyuu dad series this was one of my first posts to really blow up back then (now it's obvi my jjk stuff but ahhhhh) i'd always wanted to right something about atsumu and i feel like i got his characterization down while righting that fic too!

Name a fic that you wish had gotten more recognition: I'm home (sakusa x black!reader) anything i write about kiyoomi seems to flop D: i loveee to read a good kiyo fic tho which is why a wrote about him. lol i was just gonna post today about how my kiyoomi stuff flops. it's okay tho as long as i like what i wrote i can be happy

Name your happiest/saddest/most comedic fics:

happiest: bday drabble (kirishima x reader) and Bestfriend hcs (sero x reader) most of my fics are really happy but these ones in particular are super sappy and fun :)

funniest: nanami in a compression shirt, JJK men as dads, "daddy I threw up.." (jjk x reader) and how they react when you "bro/bruh" them (aot x reader) what can i say? i like silly stuff

saddest: (i can't write angst for the life of me) I found you (yakuza!au) (eren x reader) looking back it was kind of cringe but i guess it was angst??? i tried??? no i didnt lolll i can't do angst like i want to. i always wanna write gut wrenching angst but it ends up being fluff :P

#remi answers #haikyuu #jjk #bnha #jjk x reader #haikyuu x reader #aot #aot x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha

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silliest-dude · 3 months

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i knowz u asleep rn but i never got to dump about The Used, so here it is; ( im a big nerd )

it’ll mostly just be little dot points so its easier for you to real beautiful !! 🦴

p.s. do not quote me on all these i am not 100% sure on accuracy & i do not want to get hate crimed ! 🦴

Bullimic ( written 2001 ) was about Bert McCrackens crippling drug addiction. Saying how they were taking up his time and doing nothing good for him.

Towards the end of The Used’s second album, In Love And Death, Bert’s pregnant girlfriend died of an OD. He tried for years afterwards to get clean for her.

MCR’s You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison; Was recorded and produced in Gerard & Berts underwear.

Bert McCracken has been clean from drug use since 2012, suspected to be using again due to some recent song lyrics, but not confirmed.

In 2008, Bert underwent vocal surgery and once again in 2016 ( ? ) after he developed a node on his vocal chord’s from screaming. Cancelling The Used’s appearance at Warped Tour ‘08.

Bert McCracken appeared in 2 episodes of ‘ The Osbournes ‘ due to his former relationship with Kelly Osbourne. He first appeared in season two; The Beauty And The Bert.

After being married 6 years, Bert and his wife relocated to Sydney, Australia ( MY CITY !! )

It is suspected Bert wrote several songs about Gerard Way. In one live song, saying “ This is the last song ill ever write about who shall not be named “ With alot of directions pointing to the lead singer of MCR.

Quinn Allaman was kicked from the group after having several months off due to mental health. Soon addressed he wasn’t good for the band. Only being a year after Bert’s first child was born

Bert has stated a major part in starting his career was the singer, Chester Bennington.

After Kate, his former girlfriend passed, the band went on to not create any new music for the next 3 years.

Not a fact, but i believe Paralyzed is about either Kate or Gerard. No inbetween.

Bert grew up in a Mormon household. ( christianity ) and rebelled at 16 to live with his highschool sweetheart, Kate.

The 2017 album ‘ Canyon ‘ ‘s lyrics were written based off of Bert’s friend who took their own life a year prior.

Listening to the older songs, they sound alot more raw with Bert’s cracking voice, almost like a pre teen singing. Post vocal surgery changed his voice sadly. I miss the little whiny guy

Their first song, Maybe Memories, was written and recorded vocals by Bert in one night. He was immediately welcomed into the group.

The band was originally called Dumb Luck. Later changed to USED. Currently is called The Used.

Alot of their earlier songs were recorded in their drummer’s bedroom. You can find this CD for about $600. ( hint, birthday )

my love its 12am and we have school tomorrow! i spent SO long writing all this honestly. i hope you find it interesting and like the little MCR facts i threw in since ur a little Gerard nerd ! 🥩

i know u had no choice but thank u 4 letting me nerd out because i luv this band sm !! hope ur sleeping peacefully and happily my dear <3 goodnight ! 🦇

HE WAS ON THE OSBOURNES???? THATS LIKE MY CHILDHOOD SHOW. But this shit is actually so fucking interesting you should infodump to me again sometime <33333 im glad you get excited over this kinda stuff :] i literally didnt know anything you told me

#kobra answers asks #vampy guy <3

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rrxnjun · 11 months

Note

ok. i was gonna reply to ur comment but it got a bit too long of a rant HAHAHHA sorry😭

but girl i will never stop raving about ur fics istg like something about the way you write and your characters always seem to hit home for me like i always seem to connect with your characters. you make their emotions and the scenarios they're in so vivid and raw and IBFIWRFO i eat it up😭😭😭

i never used to like reading angst but you execute it so well that i'll literally love it when you do it (e.g. fics like two people, when nobody's watching, potential) IDK MAN it physically hurts my heart I FEEL THE EMOTIONS OF THE CHARACTERS MAN IDK

when nobody's watching: when the reader's looking at renjun thru the years from her perspective when the reader wants to reach out, I WANT TO REACH OUT LIKESJFGOWRG WHEN RENJUN SMASHES THE BOTTLE AT THE PARTY YK????

two people: the way you describe jeno and y/n's suffocating one way relationship, I UNDERSTAND THE READER!!! jeno is perfect, he tries to fix the relationship but IT JUST DOESNT WORK THAT WAY the relationship was way over before he tried to fix it and ITS SO REAL!!!! the inner turmoil the reader went thru and the slow changing feels for mark WAS JUST- UGH *chefs kiss

potential: man. where do i even start with this fic. it's a storyline that i never knew i needed to read in my life. like bar u don't understand, potential had me in despair for the next 4 days. i can understand chenle's pain, y/n's confusion, their complicated love for each other. i don't think words can describe how special this story is to me.

this.... became a lot longer than i anticipated and IM SORRY FOR RAMBLING ON ABOUT THE SAME THREE FICS OVER AND OVER OSBFOWRGO but seriously tho, i genuinely love everything you put out, keep up the hard work💗

(i think this is the longest ask i've ever sent lol)

i treat writing as my therapy session so maybe thats why the characters are always so raw- NO but omg this is such an honor bc i really focus more on the characters than the plot i think and i really try to develop them really well and stuff and i focus a lot on the feelings and emotions so >:((( i am so happy that you like that about my writing !!!

the paradox is that i HATE reading angst. like if its in a long fic where its mixed up i dont mind and i think its important to have angstier parts in a long fic too but if its a drabble and its angsty i just won't read it LMAOOO

when nobody's watching was such a spontaneous fic istg i wrote it in what. two days? at uni LMAO. i got the idea when i was like,, watching this guy from afar and then i realised i ALWAYS DO THIS like i always have those silly crushes on ppl and never tell them bc im scared but i care so deeply for ppl that dont even know i exist 😭😭😭 but also i find that i used to change myself a lot to fit into social circles and even tho uni was really lonely for me at first that i kinda let go of that the same way renjun did so it was definitely cathartic to write :,)

honestly to this day idk how i even managed to write two people. like i think its the only fic i have thats about adult mature ppl LMAO all my other fics are like college aus and shit. like where did all of that pain and angst even come from ???? but i am so glad u liked it, i didnt expect ppl to enjoy that kind of fic >:((

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON POTENTIAL why are my best fics always the most spontaneous. its literally like in my top 5 fav fics ive ever written so i am insanely happy that you like it sm !!! <33 chenle's character in this fic is insanely personal to me also :,) the readers and his dynamic is also one of my favs ive ever written,, idk idk theres just something about this fic...

i am really honored to recieve this in my inbox its so sweet of you and i definitely appreciate it a LOT hope you dont mind me rambling about the fics i just enjoy talking about my writing :,)

#💌ask #j 🌱#feedback !!#fic: when nobody's watching #fic: potential #fic: two people

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xocasper · 2 years

Note

BITCH OH MY GODDD I JUST READ KISS AND TELL?!?!?!!!

i dont know how i hadnt read it yet but oh my god i literally hate you so much that was the best fic ive ever read?? it got so poetic by the end wtf

my personal favorite line was "It seemed as though you had shed your exoskeletons, leaving nothing but the reality that laid beneath layers of labels and assumptions, facades and fronts." LIKE HOLY SHIT BRO YOURE SUCH A GOOD WRITER WHAT

i just love the entire ray's sister concept, and i realy really really love how you didnt make her all naive and sheltered (esp during the smut) because i love the older brother's best friend au but people always make the reader so embarrassing HAHAHA so i really applaud how you made her confident and even snarky at times. no secondhand embarrassment in this fic!

also the reader's friendship with the other guys is YES 🙌

just total chef's kiss all around, love you cas!

OKAY SEVERAL THINGS BECAUSE I COULD WRITE AN ENTIRE RANT ON THE MAKING OF THIS FIC

1. i adore these long messages. i appreciate you sm <3

2. she’s a fucking masterpiece. i consider myself to be relatively humble but kiss and tell is my magnum opus. i will never beat her and i don’t think i want to.

3. i love writing poetic shit. i love metaphors and imagery. i think my favorite lines are either the entirety of the religious guilt passage (mainly “the taste of unholy desire graced gerard’s tongue, wicked truths and sugar-coated lies having him believe that sin would swallow him whole.” for some reason my best writing is done at ~5:30pm. i love that part. i think about it a lot, actually.) or the five senses passage! (i cant pick favorites here honestly. taste and smell absolutely fuck though, i love those lines. smoke and earth?? tongue and teeth and hands where they’re not supposed to be?? shakespeare could never!)

4. i actually wrote that part with a single stream of consciousness at roughly 1am in my notes app! i also do my best writing in my notes app, and i can’t figure out why.

side note: hearing about people’s favorite parts and when they tell me that they laughed at my jokes is the best feeling ever. i love your asks and comments so so much.

5. yeah, it was a really great request! i forgot to mention in the author’s note and stuff that i changed it to step to be more inclusive, but it’s only mentioned in the beginning. i have a couple half siblings and i’ve always considered them full, so i didn’t make it too obvious throughout the rest of the fic.

going along with being ray’s sister, i wanted to give her a sense of edginess that wasn’t overbearing. i feel like ray gets babied in a lot of fics, and i genuinely hate it. rather than making him all innocent, i gave him the overprotective brother role, and even then, i tried not to make it suffocating. he’s worried about her mixing in with the wrong crowds because he’s an outcast himself. he doesn’t baby her either, and they have a similar dynamic to the ways’, except ray’s a little more protective.

6. i didn’t want her to be naive either! the last thing i wanted was to give myself second-hand embarrassment, much less my readers. just because she’s younger doesn’t mean she hasn’t done the same shit. i don’t really picture her as a virgin with a perfect liver and lungs. fics that make the younger sister all innocent make me uncomfortable tbh; it feels like infantilization, which is frankly, really gross.

7. making the reader witty is my favorite thing to do. i don’t know why readers are never written as confident and sarcastic, and instead defaulted to boring and naive. live a little, make your reader less insufferable!

(now that i’m thinking about it, my favorite part might actually be the banter towards the end—“honey, your brother is gonna kick my ass if i sleep with you.” “baby, you’ve already got one foot in the grave for kissing me, and i’d hate for you to die a virgin.” where did that come from??)

8. i really wanted to highlight the fact that she’s friends with all of them! she’s not the annoying little sister; she’s actually pretty cool. i used the mikey way effect, if you will. frank and the reader have this goofy relationship, similar to their relationship with gerard but very platonic. they’re the kind of friends that would fake an engagement for free dessert.

mikey and the reader are the same age, and both pretty quiet compared to the rest of the group. i didn’t touch too heavily on it, but they’re definitely the kind of friends that can read each other with one look. they lay on his bedroom floor in comfortable silence and listen to music just to escape loneliness. all in all, they’ll do pretty much anything together because they simply love being around the other.

9. CAS. I AM UNWELL. I’VE ALWAYS LOVED NICKNAMES :,))

10. i love you too! thank you for reading and leaving the sweetest messages for me. it makes my day every time!

#answered asks

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4uru · 11 months

Text

(Tw: Vent post)

I went thru some of my worst depressive, suicidal, self hating episodes during quarentine. Teenage angst fuelled to the max by gender dysphoria, internalized homophobia and transphobia. In 2020 baby me wrote several letters addressed to future me, telling me to kill myself . I will be 16 soon, those letters were addressed to me. I know if anyone reading this who is an adult feels like this is just a kid complaning. And ur not wrong.

This is probably not even thing i will ever face in my life. And that thought scares me.

I was a different, very miserable, angry and tiny person in quarentine, i was brimming with hate and sadness, i had no friends. I was a kid who was stuck in a house 24/7 with my (suddenly) religious mother who i stupidly came out to, my parents werent even a little bit supportive back then, they thought i was fetishizing being LGBTQ my dad thought i wanted to be trans and gay to be different. (Lets not even open that can of worms)

What im trying to say is, it took alot of work to get where i am this year. I tried hard "loving myself", i worked hard to look at myself and not see a complete fucking monster. I tried very hard to believe in a future.

But all my work is down the drain bc of this fucking system. I dont want a future anymore. I am fucking done hearing critism from the generation who had adequate study plans. Who didnt have the life drained out of them everyday. My parents talk so brazenly about my generation about our studies like its the same. 30 years ago the Curriculum was in their favor, now its evil and twisted and i dont want to go through wjth it.

I legit fantasize suicide just to avoid dealing with it. Everytime i go to school or coaching all i hear are different voices telling me how much hard work i have to do to pass SSC, then get into a good college, then HSC, then University etc etc etc.

I tried to look forward to a future, i forced myself to imagine a life for myself, i swear i tried. I just dont want to anymore, i told myself i want to be an animator, or just work in an artistic field,

I dont want a future anymore, i cant keep going on, its fucking exhausting, i dont want anything from my life. I have nothing to look forward to, everytime i try its always an exam to prove to people that im worthy of existing. Every fucking time.

It never ends, it wont ever end, i will just be wrung out and burnt out of everything i ever cared about. I cant go on a day without being berated and if i do, i cant go on with out feeling guilty for using my free time to be at peace. They hardwired my brain to hate myself then they yell at me for it

I dont know if ppl know how easy its for me to be desensitized to death, i have no qualms about it, i didnt literally since the day i turned 8. I have read ppl saying ppl sho commit suicide are cowards, and i remember feeling worse about it. Bc somewhere deep down i do feel like a fucking coward and a quitter.

But i genuinly dont care anymore, i cant keep doing this, i dont think i am strong enough. My friends talk about how i have a clear cut future with my art and stuff. But holy shit no i dont, i dont think i will live to see 18. I dont want to live to see 18. I dont want to keep doing this.

Sometimes i wish i was religious so i would have someone to pray to, to believe in, but i dont. I never did, i could never believe in someone. I wish i did rn bc maybe that can be my salvation. But its not.

I just cant anymore with this shit, yaar. I feel like i am going to shatter like glass if i even move.

I dont think ppl know how much their tiny jabs build up on my skin to become a large gaping wound that i just cant stitch back up.

I sometimes think that, if i do it, if i do kill myself, they are just going to blame it on social media and other teenage angst bullshit.

I dont want to live like this, i dont want to prove my existence. Kill me, i will accept it, just let me go.

It hurts so much to go on with life knowing my inevitable failure. And even if i dont fail, if i somehow by some miracle get to college, the cycle will start again, in every step of life theres some new competition i have to win to have the right to exist in society.

I dont know whats the point anymore its all the same shit in repeat. "OH but life has so much to offer" no thank you, i will take the receit and see myself out. If you say its about ppl? Family? Friends? Desi parents of queer children are hardly the point of life, and friends? What friends? The person who came to school and told me that she dreamt of dieing and was disappointed when she woke up?.

The people who to my face said they tolarate my existence?

"It doesn't matter what you think" it matters when i spend 5 days a week 6 hours a day with these sons of bitches.

I just fucking cant anymore, bro.

And i dont think i deserve to die, i dont hate myself that much anymore. But its so exhausting. Before i used to look for painless deaths, just quite and painless. Now i dont even care about that, make it quick, get me out of here, i dont care how much blood and gore i will turn into just let me leave.

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binkszamsstuff · 2 years

Text

The reflection crouse

Goodbye mommy pt3

Masterlist

"I love you Tilly girl" y/n spoke to her.

"I love you too mommy" tilly responded, the image of her mother days before she lost her would always make her cry. As a child Tilly really tried not to notice the changes her mother was going through. But now those were all she had left of her mother.

She remembers her pale and sunken skin, her mother was terribly skinny and Ill looking. Her hair thin and dull, her eyes the same Tilly once found a journal full of her mums health that her dad kept to try and keep track. The last entry wrote.

Day: the 10th

Medication: take three times day, the two with the blue stickers on them she takes before eating and the ones with red after.

Weight gain/lose: I've tried to keep her full of protein but she still remains at 80 pounds.

Notes: the doctors and I have tried so many medications to give her more time, nothing's working. I fear the constant change of meds is doing more damage then saving.

Tilly had it hidden in her closet under her Jean's, she knew if her father found out she had the journal of her mothers last date he would be upset. Not mad just upset, tilly knows that he tries to keep the the hurt from her.

It was monday. Every monday before school Tilly and y/n would have mommy Monday. Pancakes and cartoons and after was the best. Today is the first monday without her mum. No pancakes, no cartoons, no mommy mondays, no mum. Tilly cried all day at school they called home and james had to pick her up early.

If someone asked Tilly what the hardest day of her life was she would say that Monday when she awoke to no mum.

The many times Tilly met dot she hated it. Her father's blatant disregard for her back handed compliments and tone deaf jokes made Tilly made.

The way she spoke about her mother was the worst of all, 'im your new mom now' she would "jokely" say. Or 'why is this old stuff all around?', 'we need to clean out this house of her junk' all these things bucky was ignored, all the clear dirty looks and eye rolls that Tilly gave to Dott ignored too.

"Dad I told you I'm going out with!" Tilly said with an annoyed sigh.

"Tilly can't you just spend some time with Dott? It's family night I told you this yesterday."

"And I told you I was going out on Monday! She is NOT family"need

3 months later.

17 she was turning 17, tilly had found some old pictures from her grandma and grandpa of her mother on her 17th birthday. Y/n had a 70s themed birthday party and everyone dressed up. They told her to the keep the pictures. And when she showed her dad he laughed so hard at the mere sight of them.

"The song dancing queen by abba played all night long, god look at me I almost forgot about my long hair. I guess I did a good job on the custom" he laughed. Their were many pictures of aunt Natasha, uncle tony, steve, thor, sam, aunt wanda, pepper, and tilly's favorite was her mum holding a very grumpy 10 year old yelena in her arms as she danced.

But her real favorite was the last two, one was of y/n smiling about to blow out her birthday candles her eyes filled up with joy and the candle light made her look beautiful. And the other one was of bucky and her slow dancing the perfect photo caught of the two. The look that her father had in his eyes Tilly has not seen in a long time. The way he looked at her mum.

So now it was tilly's 17th birthday and she was having a 70 themed party with all her friends and grandparents. She was off the walls as she and her aunts ready in her room, the only thing she didnt like was her father's new girlfriend Dott. Tilly hated her and she didnt care that her father was moving on and happy call her selfish but she didn't care. No one could replace her mother. When aunt nat found out she almost slapped bucky and she told tilly why. Dott was always trying to steal bucky away from her mother and the drama that went with it was enough for Tilly to never ever want Dott around her or her father.

Bucky insisted that Dott come tonight that it would be a good bonding time for them. Tilly felt as if her father was shoving her down her throat. And every time Tilly saw Dott she always tried to bring up that she should move in and 'we can get rid of all the old stuff' tilly's mother was NOT old stuff! Or she would try and convince bucky to donate y/n's things that were still around the house.

The party was going fantastic all tillys friends were there and her aunts and uncles. Until Dott spilt her drink on her shirt. Bucky and her going upstairs to clean her up but when Dott came down in one of her mothers shirts Natasha lost it and so did tilly and everyone else.

"What are waring?" Natasha seethed at Dott.

"She spit her drink nat its fine" bucky blew off.

"No it's not fine that was your wife's shirt, not just some shirt james your wife's."

"It doesn't matter Natasha shes gone. My wife died!" Dott smile didnt flatter.

Tilly started to cry. Did her dad really not remember what that shirt was? Was he that careless? That was the shirt y/n went to the hospital in. That was the last time y/n ever went to the hospital because she never came home from that one. That was the last shirt Tilly had ever seen her mother in and the music stopped, tillys grandpa holding her grandma as she cried and Natasha was about to slap bucky until Tilly muttered.

"I hate you, and today is my birthday that me and my family throwed to celebrate my mum and me. And you've ruined it! I didnt even want you here." Tilly stormed off her friends following her to make sure she was okay.

"Its just a damn shirt!" Dott said rolling her eyes "your mommys dead get over it!" Y/ns mother marched her way up to her and slapped Dott and then bucky. "My daughter deserves better then this and so does my granddaughter! That girl misses her mother and you! James my husband and I love you and my daughter did too but this is too much! I know it's been 7 years but that does not mean she didnt exist. I know everyone deals with grief in different ways but you forcing your daughter to act like her mother never happened is wrong. I'm every disappointed in you james" and with that grandma and grandpa walked upstairs to go to their granddaughter.

A/N: I know this was a crappy chapter but I needed to get it out so🤷

#bucky barnes #bucky x female reader #marvel #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshots #steve rogers #steve rogers au

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nothingbutloveforyou · 2 years

Note

hi! firstly i love your blog so much and its so lovely to see on my dash so thank you!! now for how i met my lover:

set the scene -- january. right after winter break. im going into the sixth grade. i may not know very much, but i do know this: im a Weird Girl™. didnt have very many friends before moving, but moving to an extremely academically competitive school in the middle of the year? in MIDDLE SCHOOL? hell.

being a Weird Girl™, i really really loved english class. so to know nothing about the teachers, nothing about the students, and nothing about the material, i was very very scared, and of course, the english teacher did the whole stand up and tell us about yourself thing, where i completely blanked and to this day, have no clue what i said. i didnt make eye contact with anyone for a week, at least, and overcompensated by pouring all my effort into a project we were doing -- of course i moved right when the class was doing group projects -- and just generally keeping my head down.

little did i know that the love of my life was sitting in that same classroom. i dont remember exactly how we met (awful of me, i know) but i do remember hearing about the other Weird Girl™ who watched DIY videos and Studio C all the time. i thought maybe, maybe, theres someone like me. this is where my memory ends. (due to trauma, ive been losing a lot of my memories around this time. i hate it, but theres nothing i can do but thank my mind for trying to help.)

some time later, we were friends. and boy, we got on like a house on fire, talking about random shows we liked, books we'd read (specifically percy jackson), and all the tidbits of Stuff in the world. slowly, i fell in love. slowly, so did they, though i didnt know it.

i came out to my friends as lesbian, then as bi, then queer, then panromantic greysexual, then broke down. i had no clue what i was. (it definitely wasnt straight though.) they came out to me, the first they told, but my memory strikes again! terribly, i couldnt remember them telling me. i hated myself for that, but lovingly, they didnt. i was there when they came out to their friends, where they realized i hadnt known, which is how they found out i didnt remember. we were happy, and neither of us made a move. by now, we are in seventh grade.

on the back end of the year, we went on a field trip to a museum nearby. we were partners on that trip and sat together on the bus. we talked about how, if we were married, i would be the dad. no THEY would be the dad. no because- YES because- and we argued about this. i almost told them seven separate times on that bus. i was filled with the longing to fall asleep on their shoulder, so for the last five minutes, i pretended to. then i laughed and looked up and they were looking at me and i couldnt breathe.

i didnt tell them on that bus.

but i knew i needed to, so i wrote, trashed, wrote, trashed, wrote, and trashed a letter again and again. the morning of the last day before spring break, a week of holiday, i tore out a piece of notebook paper, breathed, wrote everything down. i dont remember much, but i remember saying that i didnt fall in love with them -- i flew. and though cheesy, it was true. i folded it up real small and tried not to let my shaking hands drop it. i gave it to them in spanish class, seventh period, and told them to wait for after class to read it. at the end of the letter, i told them i couldnt handle yeses and nos, so i assigned a song from the lightning thief musical each to a yes, a no, and a maybe. i couldnt bear to hear the harsh answer.

i shook and trembled through my eighth period, ignored my friend tapping on my shoulder and soldiered through the crowded halls to their locker. yanked my shoulder forward again and again, too nervous to pay heed to my friend, before the hand grabbed my shoulder and gently turned me around.

it wasnt my annoying friend. it was them.

i froze, and my mouth went dry. i dont know what happened, but they pressed my letter back into my hands, grinning, and i read their words written on the edges and in the margins saying they were planning to tell me at the end of the year because they were a coward (not true!!) and that theyre so glad i loved them and that they loved me too that they loved me too they LOVED me and they tapped my shoulder and i looked up and on the little whiteboard in their locker, they had written I LOVE YOU and i couldnt stop smiling.

we spilled everything and hugged hard and fierce in that school hallway, too young to know anything and too naïve to care, and i walked them to their bus, our hands intertwined and we told a friend immediately and they joked that dating or not, we would be the same.

i came over to their house and sat on their trampoline that week and talked about boundaries and what we could and couldnt do and what we wanted and didnt want, whispering so their parents didnt know. i fell asleep at their house, longing to hold them in my arms and too afraid to say so. i slept two hours that night and lay awake for all the rest.

flash forward, eighth grade. i came out as trans, tucking my hair into a hat my friend lent me and pretending it was enough. they came out as nonbinary, and we loved each other through it all. but something was changing. every day, we wrote little letters to each other and passed them back and forth during lunch, and we only shared one class, i think. we didnt talk as much, and something felt like it was fading. i didnt want anything to fade. i overcompensated, like i did that first day when i moved, and did too much. it was exhausting on my end, overbearing on theirs. i didnt want to lose something i couldnt even believe i had.

the pandemic hit. field trips were cancelled, and we were holed away at home. i could talk to them only barely, since my parents still still checked my phone all the time. then they said i couldnt talk to them anymore because they had brought up asexuality about a show. i cried, told them, coded, and we didnt talk directly. instead, i set up a group phone call we could do once a week, but they were busy every time.

they moved for high school. a christian school nearby. there wasnt anything i could do.

fall of 2021, they broke up with me over text. i know, it sounds awful, but in code, they told me about a boy they liked in middle school and how maybe they werent cut out for each other. i cried to sour, pretending it was just an average breakup, and i wished i could respond, but i couldnt.

we didnt talk for a while. we hadnt talked for a while, because my parents didnt let me, but this time, it was even worse. i went back to school, made new friends, tried to forget them. people still came up to me and asked how they were. i smiled and said we broke up. i said it was mutual. i said it was both our faults. i said we shouldve tried harder. i smiled and said, its okay.

at some point, they texted me a poem that played on my name. a poem about how they - i - was the only one to truly listen. i didnt respond.

march of 2022, they texted me about a song that reminded me of them. circling round again, by the accidentals. i listened to it over and over and over again, barely doing much else. a song about breaking up and regretting it, a song about coming back together, a song about grief, and maybe, maybe, hope. i showed my friends, laughing it off. playing up the my ex is texting me back story. i listened to the song over and over and over again.

then i told my friend to text them my burner email, an email my parents didnt know about, then i realized i didnt trust that friend to remember, so i took another friend's phone and texted them myself. the next day, they emailed me.

they told me about themselves, about us, about how they missed me, eerily mirroring the reasons why i thought we broke up and promising to do better. i did the same. we talked more, through discord and tumblr, and slowly, we allowed ourselves to love again. awkwardly, i asked what we were, what were going to be.

lovers.

if it was okay with us.

it was okay with us, and so we were. i still miss them, and i wish i could hold them, but we're happy together and i love them so much. we talk every day, all the time, and we make sure we dont make the same mistakes twice. i know first loves arent supposed to last, but we both want to try.

its a two percent chance of us making it, but we've always been weird. i'll take those chances. and if we fall apart again, i know we wont lose each other.

right now, i love them so so much and i count down the days until i can see them again. they live not five miles away but the distance stretches too long, too heavy. our parents extend shields around us that turn into walls and we both long for escape.

i long for the day we can run to each other. i love them more with every passing moment.

gods, sorry this got so long!! it started out simple and devolved from there lol, and sorry for typos, asks are still not letting me backspace or delete. <33

holy shit. thank you so so so much for taking the time to basically give us such a detailed insight into your life and your relationship with them !!! this means a lot

thank you so much for sharing this and i hope you're both doing okay <3

#asks #anons

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strawberryspeachy · 2 months

Text

I haven’t written much about this year.

The students are unmotivated and rude jerks. Whatever theyre teenagers and i tried to teach them. I wrote about some days that felt like wins but then theyd immediately revert back the next class

Here i am sitting here. Looking up why do my students hate me after i told them i have to leave and the vast majority are happy. The rest are apathetic with only a handful actually sad that I’m leaving

But at the past 8 schools ive worked my the vast majority of students love me

None of the reasons online fit me. And all ive thought all year is that they hate that i make them use their brains

So many kids in my classes as a student hated our teachers for the same reason. I knew it as a student and it annoyed me. Wed have a perfectly good and kind teacher but all the dicks in my classes would push and test them to see if they could break them. I always wanted them to just stop so I could pay attention. They wanted the teachers that sat back and let them goof off all class and no do anything. Then we take a test were not prepared for because we weren’t taught anything

I know im being the kind of teacher I LIKED as a student. And that its worked for me in the past. But it still feels pretty shitty

Of my first years who i thought all liked me. Most rlly didnt care that im leaving. I use the lessons that were already there. I make it lively. I add fun things. But i also make them use their brains… theyre doing phonics but i add critical thought questions because my older students cant do it and i want to start them early. They can do it. Ive gotten them thinking about what theyre reading and they can all answer well. But… seems most of them dont like me

I thought i finally won over my homeroom class. I never see them. I barely have any classes with them and i never got to do the homeroom duties i signed up to do. I stay around but most dont talk to me. And i gave them material to prep them to begin studying for college next school year. It was hard. All i wanted was tor them to try. And they seemed to finally understand that in the past month.

I really dont like the one girl. Shes new to the class this year and shes spend the entire year trying to distract the class when i talk or instigating bad behavior. I took her aside once in the beginning of the year and calmly told her to knock it off - and she listened better after that but she still does it. And honestly it ruins the class atmosphere. Shes always bad mouthing me under her breathe. Rolling her eyes. Smirking at the other students when i talk. Or just outright talkijt over me when im trying to explain things. And unfortunately shes popular in the class so its super disruptive. She has western family so her and another boy get mad that thry cant be effortlessly flawless in my class

Getting back to the they dont like me because i make them use their brains. The other students think those two are advanced and if they say something is too hard then it is. But they can do all of the work i give them. It doesnt take a long time for them to figure it out but it they DO need to use their brains.

Anyway bunch of them kept talking about how they were gonna improve next year and stuff so dumb me. I thought when i told them id be leaving theyd be a little disappointed but no. Apathy and immediately they started talking about the woman im subbing for who they barely know bc they only saw her for a couple months before she went on maternity leave and even then she called in sick all the time

All she did was have them do presentations while she sat around doing nothing because she didjt like them or teaching. Just like the other two bitch girls in the school. Then shes sit and zone out while they talked and say “good job”

I correct their work and give them feedback. I give them information and examples. I teach them new things. I sit down wnd help them figure it everything out and im happy to walk them through it

I just. It annoys me so much as both a teacher and a past student. I hated teachers who didnt help me improve. If i felt like i was doing busy work that they didn’t check i felt it was pointless and they were unnecessary in the classroom. I work so hard and i ensure im teaching my kids somethinggg

In the beginning of the year. My first class. I asked them to tell me what happened in Harry Potter. And they struggled. They couldnt explain much more than harry beat volemort and they couldn’t even tell me how. I had to hand hold them through the story even though they watched it and liked it and knew it.

I had them write a story as a class and they made a bizzare story about a character that did nothing and felt nothing.

Now they could walk me step by step through harry potter and tell me why everything happened and what the cause and effects of everything was as well as the characters motivations and relate it back to their personal lives and connect the story to the real world. They’ve written real stories about characters who feel and have goals and give them and entire story arch by themselves

They can write a simple thesis paper. They can create their own unique opinions and support them with strong and diverse examples

But yet

They’re excited at the prospect of someone who sits at their desk wkd does nothing all class coming back

I dont get mad at students

Im not strict

I do what i say ill do

I listen to their opinions

I talk them as young adults and take interest in their hobbies

I support their other school acitivies

I make fun activities for them and give them treats on special occasions

I know what the fuck im talking about and they have done all the work i ask them to do so im definitely teaching them how to do it

Im available but i also dont push myself in their conversations or activities like a weirdo - i let them come to me

And you know what its gotten me. They stole the expensive light i brought to make the dance party that i put together. They stole it. They lied about it. And they only gave it back when the male teachers threatened them about it.

If i didnt feel so dead. If everything else in my life wasnt already so heavy and mortifying. Id cry

The girl who hates teacher. Hates the kids. Doesnt do anything but take credit. Sits around like that other girl. Shes gonna be their teacher. Shell get all the credit for getting them into good schools. And theyll like her better because she doesn’t make them use their brain. And just plays basketball all class and flirts with the CHILD boys.

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winderlylandchime · 6 months

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2/2 ‘TED MADE IT! IM SO HAPPY! YAY TEDDY AND EMMETT ADVENTURE TIME!!! Damn it, so everyone is in couples except Brian and Justin. Why couldn’t Brian go with Justin to LA? This sucks’ ‘oh wow Lindsay is really a fucking bitch. I get the worry though but holy shit what the fuck happened to her? I hate this shit. Throw them both away’ he is so annoyed with Lindsay and Melanie that he is currently repeating the words ‘break up’ over and over. They break up: ‘I TOLD YALL THIS SHIT LIKE TWO SEASONS AGO. FUCKING FINALLY now lets go to Brian and Justin’ ben and michael got engaged ‘man, they’re really stealing the spotlight, huh? DUDE. THIS IS NOT THE TIME. Stealing Debbies shine. Rude.’ And Justin is officially in LA ‘so he went to LA? When? What? Huh? This looks like that party at that club dudes place. I still don’t like this director guy. I hate this. Okay be honest, who is this actor Connor supposed to be? Tom Cruise? Or? He better not get in a way of my two boys or I’m fighting every person who wrote this show.‘ and the gang made it to Toronto ‘so this is like a play on that toronto is like Gay Pittsburgh? This does look like Woodys. BRIAN! OH MY GOD ITS BRIAN! Okay pause *stops tv AGAIN* listen. Remember how Brian reacted to Hunters handjob thingy? Pair that up with Hunters reaction to Brian explaining planes to Mike. BAM! Uncle and nephew duo! I love these two. I can’t believe i didnt think he wouldnt go to canada with a plane. That makes the most sense in the whole show. HE’S RIDING! THE RIDE! Wait stop. *pauses tv AGAIN!* so let me get this right? He found out from Mike that Justin was wanted in LA and his immediate reaction when realizing that Justin is turning it down is to lie about not doing the ride so that Justin wouldn’t sacrifice his future? What the fuck? I mean i know he cares about his future *looks at me and smiles* thats kinda the hottest part about him. But this is UGH. AW BRI AND EM HUGGED! AND HES SMILING! I AM SO HAPPY THAT HE IS FINALLY HAPPY BUT HELL, BLONDIE IS MISSING’ ‘i forgot how much Brian hates marriages. Im kinda surprised that they went that extra with it. Id get if he hated it for himself but others? I feel like he would be more of a minding my own business kinda person. Like me. *looks at me like he’s really proud of himself* me and Brian are clearly the same person because i know my bri bri.’ And we are back to LA ‘i dont know why but i really hate this. Like it’s weird. I love Blondie and the idea of his career becoming huge is awesome but this is just eh. (Justin says his ‘fucking’ line in the meeting) OH MY GOD. I FUCKING LOVE HIM LIKE THIS! PLEASE BLONDIE NEVER CHANGE! This kinda reminds me of when Brian said to Debbie that being a true american is getting fucked in the ass when they went to vote. They really are made for each other’ Mikey/Ben’s wedding is on ‘WHAT THE FUCK?! ALREADY? Awww Brian is his best man! No matter how he feels about stuff, he still cares the most about his friends. *points to tv* BRIAN IS THROWING THE CONFETTI! HES HAPPY FOR THEM BUT HE HAS TO BE GRUMPY AT TIMES. MY BABY HAS GROWN SO MUCH!’ ‘I just realized that Brian missed lindsays wedding and Blondie missed this one. They really cant be together. What the fuck is wrong with writers? Why do they hate them?’ And the Ride has officially started ‘AW BRIAN IS GONNA KICK ASS! Debbie is his mother! Why am i getting emotional by this, i already knew it? This wouldve been better with Blondie but GO BRI BRI! I AM ROOTING FOR YOU!!! We should do something like this. You think its hard? We could have little pride flags on it like Ted! DID YOU SEE BRIS SMILE AT THE END? He tries to act tough but damn it, he really is finally happy, isnt he? If only fucking LA didn’t ruin it. But it’s okay, we got one more episode and all will be fixed!’ He is fully convinced that Brian will confess his love in the last ep. He is so sure that he sent a voice memo to family group chat AND friend group chat to let them know that the ‘i love you scene is coming up in the next episode! I’ll let you guys know how the fuck its gonna go down’

I’m with your brother - I love Brian getting excited for Mikey and Ben. He may not want marriage (loaded statement I know) but he wants to help others who do want it! Just like with Mel and Lindsay! (who are now broken up so that’s not a great example)

Brian has to go on the ride and not to LA for MANHOOD reasons. It’s stupid. It’s a dumb storyline. They could have done so much more with the history of the AIDS ride. Alas.

GAH! Work. More later!

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023

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