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fookingmuffins · 4 months

Text

it's time to go

James potter x reader

Summary: Angst. You love James, but it's time to go.

Warning: cheating, screaming and James being a dick.

A/n: lmao I really ran after posting like 4 fics, but I'm doing a little better and even though I'm stressed with uni I've been dying to write something, so I hope y'all enjoy. (This actually took me so long to finish and i dont lobe the ending but i needs to move on, oops)

You sighed as you prepared to open the door to the house you shared with James. Once upon a time, you would've rushed in without a second thought. But lately the war had taken a toll on the two of you. Once happy moments were now filled with fear and dread, making you feel like you were drowning. And no matter how hard you tried to hold on to the love of your life, you could feel him shutting you out. James had always been an open book anyone who ever met him knew that, but lately he had built this wall meant to keep you away, only you. At first, you tried to understand and be patient considering everything you two were going through, but after countless fights of you begging for him to talk to you, you were tired. You squeezed your eyes shut once before pushing the door open and plastering a fake smile in your face, maybe today would be different.

"Jamie, I'm home, I brought your favorite from the bakery by my work!" you shouted into the house buy were greeted with only silence. After checking the house you realized you were alone which immediately sent you into a spiral of worry since James was supposed to be here an hour ago but deciding that maybe he had gotten caught up with something you tried to ignore your panic and start getting ready for your friend's Alice’s engagement party.

You heard the door open and close while you were finishing up with your hair, causing you to get up and genuinely smile when you saw James make his way to the bedroom that the two of you shared.

"I was wondering where you were, I got you some pastries they are in the counter." you tried, but he just gave you a tight-lipped smile with a wave before passing by you to your shared bedroom. You went after him and saw he was getting ready to jump in the shower. Figuring it was going to be another quiet afternoon, you sat at your vanity staring at yourself in the mirror holding back the tears threatening to spill and ruin your makeup and just prayed that at the wedding maybe you two could have fun like you used to. You didn't even realize how long you sat there until you heard James get out of the bathroom and start getting ready, and you decided to just get dressed too and sit by the window with a book while you waited for James to be ready.

"Are you okay?" You were broken out of your train of thought by James’s question.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be. " You answered, giving him a similar smile to the one he gave you when he arrived.

"I don't know, you just keep staring into space, and it's kinda creepy." he tried to joke, but what once would've made you smile and roll your eyes instead caused a knot to form at your throat again, and you felt tears prickling your eyes once again.

"Well what am I supposed to do is not like I can talk to you anymore James you always shut me out, and I don’t know what to do anymore to get you to bring down the walls that keep shutting me out! I don't even know what I did for you to shut me out!" You couldn't help but let out everything for the millionth time, hoping that maybe today would be the last time you two were having this conversation and that he would finally open up and let you two go back to normal.

However, you soon realized that it was only wishful thinking because James immediately lowered his head and mumbled "For fuck's sake y/n not this again"

"Yes, this again, James! Please talk to me! Stop shutting me out, please!" you were a sobbing mess by this point, begging him to let you in, not caring if you ruined your makeup.

But James just shook his head and walked out, "I'll wait for you in the car while you get cleaned up, we can't do this right now, or we’ll be late." just like that, he left you alone frozen with mascara running down your cheeks. You felt numb and just quickly tried to clean up but when you were done and staring at your reflection stare back at you with puffy red eyes you just felt pathetic.

On the way neither one of you talked James kept his eyes on the road while you looked out the window too lost in your thoughts to realize your usual music that would usually be playing while the two of you drove was not playing, James realized, and he felt like he was suffocating in the empty car ride.

The wedding was beautiful and despite your problems you couldn't help but imagine that one day it would maybe be you and James standing in an altar professing your love in front of all your friends and family. You turned to look at him as Alice and Ben were sharing their vows, only to catch him staring at Lily, and she was staring right back at him. You felt something break in you as confusion overtook you. Why is he looking at her?

Was she the reason that you were slowly getting kicked to the curb? Back in Hogwarts everyone knew that James was obsessed with Lily but when she finally gave him a chance things just didn't work out. Then you caught James's attention, and the rest is history.

You tried to focus on the happy couple in the altar as the ceremony came to an end, but you felt someone was stabbing you and twisting the knife.

By some miracle during the reception James asked you to dance which shocked you, but his eyes seemed so sincere and like they were almost begging that you couldn't help but to foolishly be filled with hope once again. As you took his hand, he genuinely smiled at you again the way he used to with that same boyish grin that made you fall for him 5 years ago.

The two of you danced in the center of the dance floor spinning and laughing around, you had not been this happy in so long. After a particularly long fit of giggles, James pulled you closer and looked into your eyes with a spark that the two of you hadn't shared in months. When you two were about to lock lips, someone cleared their throat besides you two and the two of you pulled slightly away.

"James could I have a word with you please?" Lily asked looking at James who immediately pulled away from you and went with her after telling you he'd be right back. Just like that you were brought back to reality the cloud 9 that you had been in for a little bit long gone, and again the sinking feeling invaded you, feeling like you were drowning. You needed a drink.

You went to the bar and after getting your drink you decided it wasn't enough, and you needed air. You walked out of the salon where everybody was and made your way to the garden, and that's when you heard it.

"James! You said you two were over, but it sure as hell doesn't look like it! I can't beli-"

"I know, I know, but I can explain Lily please! I-I-I came here with her because she was embarrassed to come alone, so I promised this would be our last outing together." You felt your heart stop, air getting caught in your throat.

"What? That doesn't-" Lily started as you felt the glass in your hands slip and shatter on the ground.

Both of them froze and looked at where you were standing, you could feel a knot forming in your throat but glared at the pair in front of you with tears forming in your eyes.

"Y/n I can explain!"

" I think both of us want an explanation, James, but she deserves it more. Y/n/n I'm so sorry I had no idea you two were still together." Lily went to walk away and James was about to chase after her when she heard you scoff and as you turned around.

"Say goodbye to Alice and Ben for me, would you? I have to go." you rushed out before basically sprinting to the nearest exit, hearing James chase after you, which wasn't hard considering he was taller than you and an athlete. He grabbed your arm when you two had made it to the parking lot and turned you around.

"So that's why I'm getting the cold shoulder." you blurted out before whatever he was able to utter whatever shit excuse he was going to tell you. You almost wanted to laugh, which made you feel like you were insane, but you thought about all the hours you had spent over the past couple of months looking in the mirror trying to see what was wrong with you, overanalyzing every tiny detail in your face. Laying in bed staring at the ceiling, replaying everything you had done that day that might have set James off.

"No no baby, I swear it's not what it looks like, Lily is just bitter we didn't work out, and she's trying to sabotage us! I've just been so stressed because of it, and I am so sorry I let it out on you."

"Bullshit James! You were literally just talking shit about me before i showed up and ruined your little act." You were seething by this point, and James flinched after your outburst. You had never been one to scream, and he knew that, but right now you honestly felt like nothing was the same and you weren't the same. "A-and you wanted to chase after her and you know what? maybe you should. Maybe you have a better shot at getting her back because we are over James Potter! I-I am so tired... I-" You were crying from all the different emotions you were feeling at that moment. Finally getting some enlightenment about why your relationship was dying gave you some relief of the crushing pain you were feeling being hunted by the "what if's" and "why's" you weren't the problem.

James tried to get close and wrap his arms around you. god he felt like an idiot for hurting you. He honestly doesn't know what he was thinking. He had hoped you never found out and had planned to break up with Lily soon enough, but he just needed to explore a little what it could've been like if he had stayed with her. Plus the thrill of it was something that James had loved for the time being, but he never wanted to hurt you. His heart broke at the sight of you, he couldn't imagine what you were feeling.

"Don't even think about it! Don't ever touch me again don't ever look at me, I hate you so much Potter, I don't want to know anything about you from this day on James! We now mean nothing to me, we are strangers!" You glared at him in a way he had never seen you look at anyone, and felt his heart drop.

He tried to protest, feeling the tears leave his own eyes at the idea of losing you completely forever. But you just turned around and walked away.

#james potter #james potter x reader #james potter x y/n #james potter angst #james potter x reader angst

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httpsuniverse · 11 months

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LIPS OF AN ANGEL | MM19

↳ TYPE: ig au (written scenario will follow!)

↳ PAIRING: mason mount x fem! wolff! reader

↳ DETAILS AND WARNINGS: angst (more to be added on the main fic!)

↳ AUTHOR’S NOTE: here you go! 😵‍💫 after months omg, i’ve finally had the energy to do this after several revisions n all hahahaha pls wait for the main fic as i’m still writing it, but here’s a lil preview! enjoy <3

↳ TAGGED: @i83andrew @pleasantducktimetravel

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fcgossips

liked by user1, user2, user3 and others

fcgossips [sent anonymously]

mason mount spotted with model lia mendes last night in london!

it seems as though mason mount has found himself back to the dating game amidst the breakup rumors with toto wolff’s daughter, y/n wolff. it was reported that the pair has separated ways 4 months ago after y/n deleted all posts and unfollowed the football star; although there was no confirmation happened between the two parties.

we wish mason and his current partner the best 💗

view all 492 comments

user4 that looks so much like y/n lol

user5 i went y/n DOOP as soon as i saw her lmao

user6 *she cuz she’s a freaking PERSON and no she doesn’t look anything like y/n!

user7 seems like mason has a type 🤭

user8 convincing myself that l*a is his getaway car

user9 leave them alone, pretty sure mason wouldn’t appreciate the things yall call her gf

user10 lmao i was thinking the same thing!

—

masonmount

liked by cmpulisic, declanrice, liamendes and others

masonmount recents.

view all 2,829 comments

liamendes meu amor 💗

— ❤️ by masonmount

masonmount 💗

user11 omg no way (i mean this in a very nice and genuine way)

user12 ... so it’s really over with y/n huh?

user13 y/n dupe

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ynwolff

liked by yourbffsig, susie_wolff, yourmomsig and others

ynwolff life lately

view all 2,793 comments

yourbffsig girl i miss u get tf up 😮‍💨

ynwolff lmao visit me at my new place <3

yourbffsig omw 🏃🏻‍♀️

ynwolff come fast before i go back to work this week !?

yourmomsig my beautiful daughter ❤️ all you do is sleep, sweetie 😂

ynwolff been sleeping a lot lately to avoid reality and recent news, ma 🤭 miss you <3

susie_wolff glad you’ve adjusted to the new place, that bed looks comfortable! enjoy 😍

ynwolff thank you for helping me move in, susie 😙 (and jackie too, pls tell him to sleepover sometimes!)

user14 not y/n posting minutes after mason confirmed his relationship 😭

user15 she’s unbothered lmao

user16 stop associating him with her, they’re over ffs

user17 user16 no, yall should stop associating him with her <3

user18 some girls are mourning over y/n and mason’s breakup and here she is sleeping most of the time 😂 welcome back to ig luv 💞

user19 ofc u announce ur return to ig by posting pics of u sleeping 😭 missed u here queen :)

ynwolff it’s all i’ve been doing the past few months <3 jk hahaha

user20 will we be seeing you back in the paddock? 😭

ynwolff hmm maybe 😉

#mason mount x reader #mason mount imagine #football instagram au #football x reader #football imagine #mason mount angst #football angst

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alexanderlightweight · 1 year

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Prompt for Wednesday, if it pleases 💜

I know you literally just posted marriage of inconvenience, so totally get it if you don’t wanna think about it anymore, but I am obsessed, fascinated, been thinking about it all day. I especially love that we got Magnus’s take on things, and also Jem taking one look at Alec and being like “lmao Magnus of course when you steal a Nephilim you pick top shelf”

The actual prompt—what is everyone else’s reaction!? Jace, bereft of a sucker to tie Clary to? Maryse, mother-in-law to Magnus Bane. The Clave, suddenly missing their scapegoat/fix it guy? How does the warlock community take Magnus suddenly being married/bonded after like four hours of conversation. Do the NY shadowhunters loyal to Alec (because we love a competent, well-loved and respected HOTI Alec) think Alec’s been enchanted or are they just happy he’s with anyone but Clary?

And, of course, any Malec post-fic vibes you have are always loved, valued, and appreciated.

i actually wrote half of it three years ago and the rest just recently when my health got better, so i'm not exhausted with it or anything, but thank you for checking that's incredibly sweet. i actually really love that verse and have filled a few other prompts for more of it so this was fun and I finally tackled a non malec pov for this fic. i hope you enjoy!

also please remember Jace is an unreliable narrator dealing with a lot of trauma and also self-denial. he thinks he's in love with his sister and he's really struggling with that. A LOT. he canonically doesn't think of alec's feeling and wellbeing until last or when alec's injuries pain jace (which he doesn't have in this verse). he's so caught up in clary and wanting clary that he can't even try to understand why alec would be upset with marrying her when it's all jace wants/ed.

Jace is pacing frantically through the Institute halls.

Alec hasn’t been seen since he went out for a lone patrol and reported everything was fine and that he was marking some new streets that had been renamed.

That was fine.

Everyone knows that Alec is trying very desperately to spend as little time as possible in the Institute because of the impending wedding.

Which is just selfish to Jace.

Alec gets to marry Jace’s sister. The girl Jace thought he could love, Clary. Who is absolutely amazing and perfect and Jace still wishes, sometimes though he never lingers on it.

But Alec is acting like he’s being stabbed through the heart and tortured or even deruned. Jace has never seen him so miserable in their entire life and he doesn’t get it.

He wishes, once again, that Alec hadn’t backed out of their parabatai bond. That Alec hadn’t made the excuse of, ‘we want different things and positions in life, Jace’. Like it was that big of a deal that Jace had no intention of someday being a Head of Institute or Consul or Inquisitor or some higher position like Alec wanted. Jace would be happy to be a commander, but he also wasn’t fussed about when it happened.

Sure things got a little boring, but commanders had more paperwork and weren’t sent out on as many missions. Jace wanted to wait before he stuck himself half-behind a desk like Alec was trying so hard to do.

So in that way, he had understood a little, that it would have been hard when Alec achieved his goals and went to Idris and Jace stayed at whatever Institute he was a part of. It had hurt though, the rejection and this hurts even more. They could finally be brothers, since they aren’t parabatai. They could call each other brother and it would be recognized and if Jace can’t have Clary then the only person he would want to, is Alec.

“Izzy!” He calls when he sees her. She’s been hot and cold since the marriage was announced. Acting like she’s both thrilled Clary is going to become family and also guilty, avoiding Alec who isn’t even talking to her.

Which may be why she’s avoiding him. Izzy hates it more than any of them when Alec shuts them out.

“Jace.” And she’s not smiling, she hasn’t been smiling much unless Clary or that mundie pest of Clary’s is around. “Have you seen Alec?”

“No, I was just about to ask you. Any ideas? He should have been back by now, even if he did spend all night out alone to avoid everyone, it’s noon. He never stays out this late.”

Izzy looks as worried and miserable as Jace feels and he’s about to suggest they go talk to Hodge when a fire message appears out of the air and Izzy snatches it with whip-like reflexes.

“It’s from Alec.” She sounds relieved but instead of a smile her face twists further into a frown.

“What is it, Iz?” Jace asks leaning close over her shoulder to peer at the note. It’s weird, Izzy still feels more like his sister than Clary and he wishes he could figure out how to have that kind of easy, sibling relationship with Clary.

He’s hoping it will be better after Alec marries her, he would never covet Alec’s wife. Couldn’t, it would be too big a betrayal of the bond they share and have nurtured since childhood. That Alec was and is the only one Jace would tie his soul to, because he wants Alec to be tied to him in return.

To always be Alec’s little brother, to be protected and cared for the way Alec has always done for Izzy and Max and Jace once he became as close a Lightwood as he could come.

“He’s not coming back until the day of the wedding, apparently he’s decided that he just needs a few days to himself.”

Jace wants to hit something, preferably Alec at the moment.

“So what, he’s just going to leave before the wedding? What is Clary supposed to think about this? Did he even think about how she’s going to feel?”

“I’m pretty sure you’re more upset than Clary will be,” Izzy says slowly, watching him carefully. “Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay! Alec is ruining this for everyone, why can’t he just stop for a minute?”

“Hey!” And Izzy sounds upset now and Jace hates it when she’s upset. It reminds him of her when she was eleven and crying because Jace wasn’t handling the transition of living with the Lightwood’s very well. Alec had told him that if he ever made Izzy cry again, Jace could forget Alec being his brother, because he wasn’t going to be a brother to someone who purposefully made their siblings cry.

“Alec didn’t choose this. Remember! This was picked by everyone but him.” And Jace recognizes now what the guilt he’s seen on her is from. “If he needs a few days to wrap his head around not getting a choice, then he gets them. No tracking him, Jace. I’m serious.” And Izzy clips off, only her hands clenching and unclenching again and again betray her guilt and what Jace thinks might be shame.

He does feel a little bad, but not enough to be guilty.

Anyone should be honored to marry Clary, Jace’s sister. Alec is just being stubborn because he and Clary butted heads when she showed up. Once Alec’s back and the wedding has happened, things will be fine. Better than fine, they’ll all be family.

#writing wednesdays #writing wednesday #lumine writes #shadowhunters #shadowhunters au #inconvenient marriage au #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #my fics #my fanfics #my ficlets

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cleanwhiteroom-archived · 1 year

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Hi, mate! Thanks to this account I now know that Cwr and Elementals had new works (if I can say that about September 2022). I read DCWT and I exploded in the street a few minutes ago after reading one of ur post about new texts. Can you help me to know in what order I need to read all the new stuff and where I can read/listen them? Is only Pacific Rim related or there is some other fandom and/or new original world?

@umbra-life HI SORRY hello! Yes! Welcome! I do need to update my pinned post one of these days - today is sadly not that day because it is 1am but rest assured I will be fixing it soon!

If you kept up with CWR’s work in Pacific Rim prior to 2015 or so, then you probably read Designations Congruent With Things, Out of Many Scattered Things, and the one shots such as Like The Twist of a Plot. If you’re looking for new CWR shenanigans in the Pacific Rim Universe since 2020 or so, the big New Addition is called Aftermath and it is gorgeous 🥹 You can download/read Aftermath on CWR’s blog here! If you want to reread everything in the Designations universe, I’d probably suggest just going in release order: DCWT, OOMST, Aftermath, and then the one-shots. The first three are all on CWR’s site for download, and I have a doc of the one-shots I saved in The Before Times here. As for audio- Elementals released a recording for DCWT Ch 20 and Ch21! No official word on whether we’ll get the rest, but their website does say audio for Aftermath is coming so fingies and toes are crossed 😇

The OTHER new stuff CWR has been/is currently releasing is all in the Stargate universe - before writing in Pacific Rim, CWR originally started a triptych of Stargate fics: Force Over Distance (complete), Mathèmatique (WiP) and Ad Noctum (WiP). In the last few years, CWR has begun to rewrite FoD, and rework/add on to Maths and AdNo. 🥹 Likewise, Elementals has also been releasing new audio for these updated/new chapters, available on their website - AND the newest update this weekend is Elementals is maybe now allowing us access to in-progress audio 😱 go look at their site for details. It’s ridic.

Figuring out the order to read the Triptych is both straightforward and complicated - you should read FoD first, and then can read Maths and AdNo in any order after that… but should someone reading FoD for the first time start with the original complete FoD first and then the new WiP version of FoD for instance? Or just jump straight to the new versions? I wish I knew for certain pal - my gut though says start with the new versions on CWR’s website and if you’re fascinated and want to take the time to compare to the OGs then I have copies of them in my google drive for your perusal! That’s just me though - Anyone else out there have an opinion on whether newcomers to CWR’s Stargate triptych should read the originals first or start afresh?

Tangentially related to the DCWT side of the ask……… This ask actually sent me down a bit of a rabbit hole. And that rabbit hole is ‘what order do all the chapters of CWR’s Pacific Rim tale ACTUALLY take place in?’ And while part of me worries that reading them in chronological order would fundamentally mess with CWR’s intent (why do I get fractal vibes from stories within stories, drilling down and expanding on smaller and smaller sections? I could be reading into things…) I couldn’t help myself. And turns out untangling their order is mostly sort-of possible so I maybe put that list together below for anyone brave enough to attempt it lmao. Take the order with a grain of salt as some of these like The Twist of a Plot could maybe take place later or sooner than I’ve put them but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m running this post so what can ya do ya know?

CWR’s Pacific Rim media in Chronological Order, for funsies and for insomnia:

Epistolary Empiricism & Science Charm (OOMST) - In Medias Res (One Shots) - Aftermath 2015 Ch5 & Ch11 - Kingmaker & Lady Stardust (OOMST) - first 1/4 of The Blue Guitar (OOMST) - Aftermath 2015 Ch21, Ch26, Ch31, Aftermath 2017 Ch4, Ch10, Ch17, Ch34, Ch40, Ch46 - the rest of The Blue Guitar & The Crystal Lake (OOMST) - Aftermath 2020 Ch8, Ch12, Ch19, Ch24, Ch29 - Geneva 2020 (OOMST) - Aftermath 2020 Ch33, Ch43 - Failing the Solo Trial & Things Exactly As They Are (OOMST).

(Pacific Rim Film)

DCWT Ch1-9 - Aftermath 2025 Ch2, DCWT Ch10, Read Receipt (One shots) - Aftermath 2025 Ch15, DCWT Ch11-22, Under Pressure(One Shots), DCWT Ch23, Double De-Clutch (One shots) - DCWT Ch 24 - Ch28, Aftermath 2025 Ch25 & Ch48, Like the Twist of a Plot (One Shots), Aftermath 2027 Ch23, Ch27, Ch30, Ch35, Ch38, Ch42, Ch45, Aftermath 2028 Ch3, CH7, Ch16, Ch22, Ch37, Ch41, Ch49, Aftermath 2030 Ch1, Ch6, Ch9, Ch14, Ch2, Ch28, Ch32, Ch39, Ch44, Aftermath 2035 Ch50

Will I ever take the time to read these in order? Only time will tell, but researching all day sure made it feel like I already did 🙃

#asked and answered #updates!#cleanwhiteroom #elementals #DCWT #Aftermath #OOMST #force over distance #mathématique #ad noctum #okay it is finally time for sleep

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rennsdeaddoves · 1 year

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Introducing something new. A guide.

here we go again kiddos! buckle up, it's gonna be a long one!

so i had a poll out a few days ago (that I have since deleted) and it had several options of fanfiction's i had wanted to introduce to my blog, and the two with the most votes would have been introduced. i was planning on keeping the poll up for three days but two day's in and i only had 13 votes. so i sent out a new one asking if you wanted descriptions to the fics and ya'll said yes. so here we go.

this guide will always be up and linked in my pinned post, so you never had to fear about losing it. if and when i make more fics I'll update the list, and I will always refer to this list/guide when i wanna introduce a new fic to the blog.

before we begin though i have a rating system for my fics, i like to write dark so i have a scale;

it's not bad but- = it’s light, not much gore maybe some trauma for spice. But otherwise technically could be 13+ (not including smut) at best

Trauma o’clock = it gets worse. 16+ (not including smut) more trauma and gore for the characters and in the story

wounded dove = it’s pretty bad. But not to the point of dead dove. But still pretty bad.

Our doves are rotting = dead dove do not eat all the way, it’s a gore fest in here. Morals we don’t know her.

if you see ✅ beside a fic or series title, i have added it to my blog already.

I'll colour code the list, so the colours that the ratings are will correspond with the rating of the fic, ight? ight. and if a title is still white then the rating is undecided.

i'll be tackling the solo fic's first (the ones that are not part of a series) and then I will get to the series.

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The Will of Gods and Monsters - Hellsing Ultimate ✅

summary - what is the human will? The age-old argument is of whether humans have free will at all, but if you want to go deeper, what about the Gods we serve? And what of the monsters they create?

Father Alexander Anderson makes choices that hurt him, he fixes those choices and eradicates all love for anyone except God. Though it is debatable who his god is.

Aireth made a choice in her young life to explore the world and subsequently got tangled up with a Lord by the name of Vlade Tempest, or Vlad the Impaler, she made an oath, by choice, and it continues to bite her in the ass even after she thinks she’s rid herself of it.

Finally, Abbadon. She seems to have no free will of her own, constantly controlled by the ones who took her as a child she never gets to make her own choices. Until she did, and the glass was broken.

It can be argued that humans have free will, Integra willingly killed her Uncle to save Hellsing, Walter willingly serves as her butler.

But what of the monsters under her control? Alucard, Aireth, Saris? What of the gods? Anderson, Seraph? Is their will their own?

the relationships in this fic are; Father Alexander Anderson x oc and the Captian x oc. this is a dead dove do not eat fic, there is human experimentation, nazi's (its Hellsing), lots of non-con/dub-con elements, attempted rape, and cannon-typical violence. this story is definitely not for the faint of heart but the characters I've made for it are super close to my heart and some of the best OC's I've made.

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Wait No Longer - Cult of the Lamb

gonna be honest this one doesn't have a description to it (it's not as developed as my other one lmao) but I do have vague ideas for it that a lot of my friends think are pretty interesting. it is a Narinder (the one who waits) x oc. and mainly takes place before lambert. idk the rating yet (haven't decided how dark i wanna go with it but it does have cult stuff in it) i'd likely put in in wounded dove

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And No One Saw It Coming - Puss in Boots the Last Wish

summary - Kitty and Perrito get to Puss while he is still stuck in the cave of souls, while death still hunts him down like a cat would a mouse, or a wolf would a cat.

In the ensuing scuffle, the three find out that even Death can have a wish, and Goldie and Jack are dealt with, they actively seek Death out and ask if they can somehow help grant his wish. If they can help find who he longs to see again.

Of course, Lobo scoffs at them. He’s a very busy wolf and doesn’t have the time for this, but something in the back of his mind won't stop gnawing at him and eventually he caves, Accepting the tabi’s offer for help.

Lobo (death) x oc, there is manipulation, illness, and maybe more, this is actually one of the newer fic's i have created for the movie .

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Determination of the forsaken - Kung Fu Panda

again no summary (for some reason-) even though this fic is pretty old, but what I can tell you all is that a dragon falls from the heavens, Oogway finds her as her form changes to fit in the mortal world. it is a Tai Lung x oc, and the oc is trying to discover who she was before Oogway and Tai.

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This Never Ending Nightmare We Must Call Life - Little Nightmares ✅

summary - the Maw was where they lived and where they were supposed to die. But fate had another idea and kept one alive. Those on the Maw named her Key as they thought she was the key to saving them all from this twisted world. However, a strange signal pulses in her head and she is drawn to the land, heading for a place with towering buildings and pale skies;

Key makes a journey that should have never been made in the first place.

guys.... there is so much manipulation and gaslighting in this fic... i was really in my gaslight era. BUT ANYWAY its a Thin Man x oc fic, super dark, i think there was some elements of dub-con, also major character deaths and suicidal ideation. all i know was that it was dark. but like Thin Man

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Let me give the world to you ✅

Xeno sees how Goku interacts with Goten the omni-king decides that his gods need that joy in their lives as well. So under the order of their father, the grand priest and the omni-king the angel attendants go and find suitable children for their gods.

when Bulma catches wind of the situation is she quick to pull several older kids who had been absolutely screwed over by the foster system for Whis to look at. One girl who has bruises all over her face and looks like a walking corpse catches his eyes.

in which renn exposes the foster system through dbz lmao. there will be drug use, pedophilia, non-con, dud-con, crimes, and a lot of trauma. but our girl will heal, after all, its amazing what a child can grow into if given the proper care isn't it

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With Withered Wings and Broken Bones

Nightmare Before Christmas fic where Jack adopts a kid with major ptsd involving divorce and Sally is cheating on him. everything is a mess, Jack eventually becomes a really good dad and then Ooggie comes back for his revenge

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You Thirst for Blood from the Roses in Hand

totk Ganondorf x oc who was an un-named slave girl before shit went sideways, she got flung into the past with Zelda and somehow met the gerudo king before being taken as his servant and then proving herself a grater asset then she got flung back into the present and after getting a taste of freedom and power the murdering started

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now we get into the fanfiction series, so these all contain more than one fic, and if the fics have descriptions I'll put em in.

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Set in Sand but not in Stone - Encanto

*gasp* a green title!!! who new i had the balls to write something like this!!! (lol)

fic one; How to Survive While Seeing the Future - a guide by Bruno Madrigal

summary - Growing up in the Encanto is all he has ever known, there was no outside world, just the small, but still large, home that they were slowly building. There were many kids their age or just a little younger in the community now that it was growing so well, but none stood out more to Bruno Madrigal than Mariposa Lucia Neva. And of course, his two sisters always noticed.

fic two; This Little Miracle of Mine

this fic doesn't have a summary but it involves the actual movie and Bruno and Mariposa have a child.

obv Bruno Madrigal x oc, and guy's looking back at the discord chats for this thing it is cute and mmmmmm. its just a lil trauma sprinkled here and there but the hurt comfort is hurt comforting.

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Creature Series - Moon Knight ✅

fic one - Haunted by a Darker Side

summary - The Gods were never reliable in any sense for Nem. her mother prayed and believed but she never did, she thought it was a waste of time and took matters into her own hands. Unfortunately taking things into your own hands will often get you into much more trouble than it's truly worth.

It was only when Nem really feared for her life that she prayed for the first time, it was only after running from guards with the shiver of the Pharaoh’s last words running through her mind, the moon clear above her as she lay dying in the sand that she truly prayed.

“Oh Lord Khonshu, god of the moon, Protector of the travellers of the night. Please protect my mother and brothers in my absence, watch over them when I could not. I beg of you if you are real please, please do this, I'm sorry I never believed or worshipped. I offer the rest of myself to you if you can do this one thing for me-”

What Nem was not expecting was a response to her prayer;

“Why don’t you protect them yourself? It would be a shame to die on a nice night like this. Allow me to keep you alive Nem of Iken”

She should have known there would be strings attached to that offer…

fic two - Transcends to Walking in the Light

summary - Nem would not let Khonshu be turned to stone, so with Anubis’ help, she announced that she was with child, a new god or goddess of the Ennead. Khonshu must live to raise the child, as Nem would not be able to handle it on her own unless they wanted a rouge god on their hands.

Begrudgingly they agree, freeing her God, but this freedom comes at a price.

“You must marry Khonshu, we cannot have a god be born naturally out of wedlock.”

At least it didn’t need to be conceived within wedlock- but these terms are easily agreed to by both parties. Now the next chapter of Nem’s patronage to Khonshu begins,

With her as his Queen.

fic three- And Slowly I'm Recovering

summary - Most agree that on any given night the moon is beautiful, it always has been and always will be. So why was it that Casper could never face it? Did it have something to do with a past she didn’t want to relive and a personal mission that had yet to be completed? Yes, yes it did. But she is too stubborn to admit that aloud.

So when she gets mixed up with a nice fellow named Steven Grant and his life, her past with the moon god Khonshu comes to a head. And what she's been running from all this time is right in front of her, she just needs to face it with the honour she once had.

fic four - The Beauty of Discovering

no summary but domestic fluff and chaos ensues.

GUYS I HAD THE BIGGEST BRAIN WHEN COMMING UP WITH THESE NAMES ON GOD I DID!!! if you haven't listened to the song Creature by Half Alive then what are you doing with your life?? anyway these titles come from the end of that song (it is one of my faves) and the lyrics describe what it happening sooooo well!!! i was so fucking proud of myself

anyway this is a Khonshu x oc, there is some pretty shitty stuff that happens in each of the fics that warrant the rating i have given it, but its not to the point that it's dead dove.

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have you heard the golden records? series - Transformers Bayverse

there are five fic's for the five movies, and the rating is split because one of the fic's has human experimentation and two of them have child abuse (maybe three) i only have the summary for the first fic, and while each fic covers a movie in the franchise it also covers a lot more, like the before's and afters of the movies, the fallouts we never get to see.

fic one - MESSENGER

summary - Up to this point life has not been kind to Ezra Rhett, but she manages in her own way and actually maybe made some good friends in the form of the Witwicky family. When Sam gets his first car and it apparently steels itself she’s the first person he’s calling, the next day when Giant metal beings show themselves to them all in a back alley and ask Sam to save the world she’s already had enough.

But that pleading look in his eyes has her reluctantly agreeing to go, and very quickly she realizes it would be a cold day in hell if she ever let these kids go through this alone.

Optimus Prime has a similar thought process when he realized how young the humans helping his team were. He is glad that Ezra decided to stay and help her young friends not for herself but for their safety. The Autobot leader also keeps his eyes on them, he doesn’t need any of the humans helping them get hurt along the way.

Though sometimes he finds himself being pulled by the Look in her eyes.

Fic two; Voyager Fic three; Apollo 11 Fic four; Pathfinder Fic five; Interstellar

Optimus prime x oc because yes. somehow i made the oc a half-human, half cybertronian in a non-cringe way. like me and my significant other literally discussed the biochemistry of how this could all work. there are paragraphs of messages of my friends and i talking about this. so it's safe to say, smut will happen in a natural way (without that holo form bs)

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Rust can be Fatal - Undertale / Transformers Prime crossover

fic one - It Had to be You

summary - Cybertron was a stagnant planet, it had been since the collapse of the space bridges, no, likely since the fall of the thirteen. But it was all about to change, A Gladiator named Megatrounus would make sure of it.

This, however, is not his story, this is the tale of another, one who called herself Seadrift and later Moray. She was the bot to bring Megatron back to his true ideals and the one to plunge him into a rage so deep it consumed all of Cybertron.

She was also the one to make an impact on Monster kind, after all, it was the Monster’s who accepted her and the humans who shunned her. When war broke out all over again in her new home, Seadrift was going to be sure it didn’t end with her getting sent away from the ones she loved, not again. So she took up arms against the humans and fought for monster kind, just like she had for Megatron so long ago.

fic two - The Reason I'm Alive

this one doesn't have a description but it's from Megatron and Seadrift's kid pov and it gets brutal (i think i have a scene where they saw off their own leg with fishing line)

Megatron x oc and eventually I make Megatron a dad (listen ya'll will eventually see that i have a thing for taking villans and making them single dads to daughter and have them absolutely dote on them)

does that have something to do with my daddy issues. maybe??

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THERE!!! the list is complete (for now) i will add as i do more, (i have tones more fics but these are the ones i feel the most comfortable with sharing/ the ones that are the most thought out) more will def be added later on, so check back whenever ya feel like it and don't be afraid to comment on any of them, i will appreciate all comments.

#fanfic #hellsing fanfiction #hellsing ultimate #transformers bayverse #transformers prime #encanto #moon knight #little nightmares #puss in boots the last wish #kung fu panda #cult of the lamb #dragon ball super #nightmare before christmas #tears #tears of the kingdom

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glaivenoct · 1 year

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( fanfic writer ask game ) ✏️ , 🎧 , 🔬 , ✍🏽 , 🌾 ?

Thank you so much for sending some in! ;u; (Fanfic Writer Asks Here)

✏️ The first fanfiction you ever wrote? (doesn’t have to be a posted fic)

Heh.. back in 2005, a show aired on Discovery Kids that became my favorite show in the history of ever. Wee 9 year old Brina did not understand or even know of the concept of Fandom or Fanfiction - but this show is what I consider my first Fandom ever.

Did any fellow millennials ever watch Flight 29 Down on Discovery Kids (2005-2007)? Man, I loved that show so fucking much. I wrote silly little fics for it in my spare spiral college ruled notebooks! AUs before I even know what an AU was lmao. My favorite was one I called "Agents in Action" where I pretended all the characters in the show were recruited as Secret Agents after being rescued lmao.

I also wrote fics for my favorite ship in the show. Again, I didn't really know what the word ship was, but I knew I liked two characters enough to write fics of them getting together and referring to them with a pairing name. I shipped Jackson/Taylor aka Jaylor! Jackson was the Tall-Quiet-Mysterious foster kid with a questionable past and a sense of being an outsider among his peers, and Taylor was the seemingly shallow rich Mean Girl, who turns out not to be as mean or shallow once you get to know her a little more and she learns some more empathy/self-awareness.

When I wrote these fics, I had no idea what fic even was. But man oh man was it such a happy place for me to write them at the time. I wish I still had them, but I don't know where they went. I used to draw pictures at the back of every page and everything. Good times, good times ;u;

🎧 A certain song you listened to while writing a fic?

MUSIC, YAASS. So! Rare is it for me to make a playlist for just a one-shot, but for my NyxNoct Masquerade Fic I really needed a decent chunk of songs that captured the right vibe to help me write it, if ya know what I mean!

Young and Beautiful is the star of that playlist. I not only imagined Nyx and Noct dancing to the song in the fic, but the playlist also features two different instrumental versions of it too! It was such a big help with that fic uwu.

🔬The fic you had to make the most research for?

Hmm.. there's honestly 3 contenders for this, and the Masquerade fic is definitely one of them - but that was research in the sense of looking up a lot of visuals for inspiration. Outfits/ballrooms/mask designs and things like that

The second has to be cagefighter AU because of the fight scenes. I looked up articles about boxing rings/MMA tournaments/different styles of martial arts and things like that. I think I put at some point in the fic that Nyx leans more towards a boxing style while Noct kinda knows a mix of things thanks to Cor. Come the next time I need to write a fight scene, I'll probably be looking up martial arts/self defense videos again. Which is usually fun for me!

The third would have to be my old and Very Incomplete NyxNoct Wings AU that only has one chapter and no proper plot to this day ;u; Researching wing anatomy and all that. Visual references for different wing designs too.

✍🏽 How much do you plan your fics beforehand?

If we're talking about outlines, never have I ever in my fic life done a proper outline ^^; I'm very "I have all the backstory in my head, the rest of the details of the actual plot will unfold as I go" :'D

🌾 A fic you really want to write but you haven’t (yet)?

So Many ;u; but right now, the main things on my radar after I finish the current WIP are: -An assassination attempt prompt that's been sitting in my inbox for too long -A new possibly probably definitely spicy NyxNoct fic ideally for Valentine's Day. Buuut there's a good chance I chicken out of that one and try writing the next chapter of Cagefighter AU instead.

If I add anything else, I'll be getting too ahead of myself and overwhelmed lol. To anyone who's sent me prompts in the last several months: bear with me please I swear. I either get them done sorta quick or... Not Quick.

Thank you again for indulging me with these! ;u; <3

#fic asks #scheduling this bc I should be sleeping rn

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littlelambdrgnfly · 4 months

Note

Ok since you reblogged that one post I hope you know I reread The Sum of Them for the 3rd time, maybe like a month ago, up until the last chapter and i never finished it cause i didnt want to experience it ending again (if that makes sense), i wish it never ended. I wish they could play baby games forever but its so important it does end because the ending is soo beautiful but so devastating, and it's beautiful because its so devastating, and my heart cant take experiencing that again :'-(

i already sent a message on here saying that your fic was the first fic to make me cry, possibly the first piece of LITERATURE in general to make me cry (i could be wrong but i cant remember any piece before that), and it made me cry 2 times when reading it for the first time. It is truly my favorite piece of McLennon fanfiction, but the only reason i dont fully consider it mine is that if someone were to ask me, it'd be too taboo/freaky to say but its truly one of the most heartfelt and complex ways ive ever seen anyone portray John and Paul while also feeling completely accurate and realistic. My god. And i love so many of your other fics too but The Sum of Them really means so much to me and I cant even say that enough. i wish you could just live as me and be inside my mind to fully grasp how much of an affect it had on me, I dont think i will ever be able to explain it sadly </3. But just know out of every McLennon fic ive ever read (and ive read many), THAT one is my very favorite out of like 100+. The way you characterize them is just so completely different from any other fic ive read and its so intimate and raw and holy shit i dont even have the words. Sorry i know im rambling at this point but I just think about it a lot! Also your fics are the only fics i enjoy anymore, (recent) beatles fics have gone down the drain in my opinion and yours are the only ones i can be satisfied with because, as far as im concerned, anything you write is automatically in-character for them after reading The Sum of Them lol x) thank you so SO much for writing cause it's truly exposed so many of my own desires and hidden , sensitive parts of myself that couldn't be excavated any other way without your work 💖

Dude... this is legitimately one of the best comments I've ever gotten. I wish I could memorize all of this and replay it for myself whenever I'm feeling blue. Thank you so so much, it means the world to me! I think all writers insert their own thoughts and emotions into their work, and I definitely do that in all of mine, but especially The Sum of Them. This fic is basically my wishlist of things I would do with a partner, as well as coming to better terms with my own kinks, so I'm glad it's been able to resonate with people. I'm also glad that I managed to keep John and Paul in character, even if John is crying every other paragraph lmao! I totally get what you're saying about wishing I could experience what you did, I wish I could too. Sometimes I reread my fics with the mindset of someone reading it for the first time, but it's just not the same. I'd give my left tit for more writers on my level or higher who wrote bottom!John or even ABDL fics, I swear. I don't read a lot of fics these days, but I'm usually disappointed whenever I check the Beatles tab. I'm also really really bad at remembering titles and author names, so I never remember what fics that I like! Thank God for bookmarks. I definitely understand not wanting to tell people that this is your favorite fic though, lol! I've been writing Beatles fics for a long time, but I created a new account on AO3 when I started writing these fics. I'm comfortable talking about this stuff, but only with the help of an alternate profile. I'm really really happy to help people explore this side of themselves though-- too often fics like mine are just really gross over-the-top and completely unrealistic portrayals in my opinion, and I guess I wanted to bring something sweeter and more realistic to the table. <3

#sorry if this is all over the place i'm having a migraine

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anyotherwriter · 2 years

Text

Skipping Town [13]

Previous Chapter / Masterlist

*Daryl Dixon AU*

This is it, the last chapter. I could go back and nit-pick and rip this entire series apart but you know what? I’ve never finished a whole series before (in the entire like 14 years I’ve written fics) so this is a big milestone for me LMAO.

Thank you for reading and big thank you to those of you that have sent me encouraging messages and wonderful feedback and quality reactions. You guys are *IT*. And thank you to @wickedscorpio22 for really gassing me up on the outline for this story and encouraging me to dive head first into a Daryl AU.

Also after I post this chapter, I’m going to start a general taglist if anyone is interested in being on it! As always, feedback is always welcome! Credit for the gif to whomever made it. Continue reading anything I write ever at your own risk for sensitive material.

Okay, love you, bye.

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Driving away from the police station without Daryl wasn't what you saw for yourself today. You told him repeatedly that you were going to stay there until they let him go, until they reached the twenty four hour holding point until they had to release him. Daryl had spent most of the ten hours you'd sat on the hard concrete of the floor, lent into his cell bars so you could reach your arm in to hold his hand, convincing you to go. Not because he wanted you to leave, but because he wanted you to eat, or move around because he could see you shifting uncomfortably every few minutes. It wasn't until the hours passed, and he couldn't find anything to convince you, until Daryl made mention of Dog.

It was like a light bulb went off for you; immediately feeling like you should've thought about Dog sooner and taken more responsibility, even if he wasn't your dog. It only took one mention from Daryl for you to shake your head and unwind your fingers from his and your arm from the bars. Daryl offered you grateful thank-you's, sincere smiles, and wished you to drive safely. As he watched you walk away from him, pushing your way through deputies and their strange, judging looks.

The drive to Daryl's motel room was quick, only because you drove fast. You were anxious to get back to Daryl, hoping to make this trip quick, but Dog was in a very playful mood when you opened the door. He nudged at your heels as you walked around trying to find his leash, until you finally clipped the metal hook into his collar and let him drag you out the door.

You felt bad taking him back into the room, considering he'd been in there by himself for so long. You considered taking Dog back with you, but you knew there was no way they'd let him in the station, and you weren't about to leave him in your car in these cold temperatures. So you messed the blankets on the bed until they resembled a nest, one that Dog took little coaxing to jump into. Switching on the TV, and filling up his bowl with food and water, you left in a hurry.

Daryl had decided to sprawl out on the dirty bench that was bolted to the cell wall, even if he knew there was no way the officers cared to keep it clean between detainees. He was exhausted, and the flannel he wore wasn't nearly enough to keep him comfortably warm, and he craved a hot meal from the diner back home.

He heard footsteps approaching his cell door and opened his eyes', surprised that you were back so fast. But he was met with an indifferent expression from an officer he didn't know. Daryl was more surprised when the officer pulled his keys from his belt, and sorted through them until locating the one for the lock on his cell door.

"Free to go." The officer said plainly, not caring to wait for Daryl to stand before turning around and walking away, leaving the door wide open. It took Daryl a few moments, wondering what changed. He knew there was no reason for them to keep in there, let alone put him there in the first place, but he knew from experience with Merle that twenty-four was the minimum- especially considering the accusation.

Daryl stood and made his way out of the cell. The hallway was lined with bright white tiles, and beige walls, and was just as boring as the people that worked there. Daryl remembered back in elementary school when a police officer came into the school to talk about how exciting and fast-paced their job was. Now all he saw were a bunch of bored suckers sitting at their desks with their phones in their hands, overhearing the dispatch calls they had received all morning from across the station- the single call they received. It became clear why every officer in town had been there to arrest him this morning. There was finally something to do.

As he rounded the corner from the hall, headed toward the front door, he heard a familiar voice chatting away with the officer that had just let him out.

“Daryl!”

He was surprised to see Brian there, waving in his direction, and hoping to drag him over into the conversation. Daryl took the bait and shuffled his feet as he went. Brian seemed very relaxed as he rested his weight into his arm that was resting on the top of the desk. So relaxed that he had a leg thrown over the other, in his casual clothes, wearing an expression Daryl hadn’t seen before. In all fairness, Daryl had barely seen his face before now, so it all seemed a bit strange.

“Hope they weren’t treating you badly.” Brain said loudly, letting out an amused chuckle despite the side-eye he threw at the officer still standing there. Daryl simply shrugged. He knew the treatment could’ve been worse, but luckily Shane seemed to be off work today and you had kept Rick at bay until his shift ended.

“I heard about what happened last night; poor sucker getting shot like that, huh?” Brian said. “I was shocked- things like that don’t happen around here! I was gonna stop in at the hospital and see how he was doin’ but I’m sure he was swamped with visitors already.”

Daryl shrugged his shoulders when Brian paused. He was still confused as to how Brian fit into the equation; the Fire Marshall didn’t have any pull when it came to detainees. Daryl just wasn’t quite sure how to ask the question that was still trying to form in his mind.

“Heard they picked you up for it, too.” Brian shook his head and gave a pointed look to the officer that stayed quiet, only offering a confused shrug of his shoulders at Brian’s glance. “But I just knew it couldn’t be. You couldn’t be in two places at one time, could you?”

And Daryl shook his head, even if he wasn’t clear on the context.

Before Brian could continue, you had walked back in the lobby door. A quick glance around had you offering a small, polite, uninterested smile as you started your way back down the hall. Sudden realization had you stopping in your tracks as you saw Daryl standing not ten feet from you, free, with his bag of personal belongings sitting on the counter where Brian stood. You grew confused at Daryl’s expression, which was equally so.

“What happened?” You asked no one in particular. You were sure one of the three could provide you with an answer, at the very least. Daryl shrugged and the officer only pointed at Brian awkwardly.

“I was out with my family last night doing our annual Christmas light drive after dinner- which never disappoints, there’s some fantastic displays,” Brian said, throwing a very charming, almost political, smile at the small group, “And on our way around, I noticed the two of your driving out towards the fields on the edge of town.”

You couldn’t help but feel surprised that someone had distinctly seen the two of you; when you were driving, you didn’t remember seeing any other cars on the road. But you were also heavily focused on the heat that radiated from Daryl’s arm as it rested on the center console, threatening to brush against you every time there was a bump in the road. Daryl’s face stayed neutral.

“I heard someone at church this morning raving about what happened and how they had you locked up here. I just knew it wasn’t right, Daryl. How could you have done it when you were miles away?” He asked, not really looking for an answer. He turned to grab the bag of Daryl’s belongings off the counter, and began walking towards you. “Let me walk you two out.”

Brain had stepped past you to hold the door open for you and Daryl. He kept the bag of Daryl’s things clutched tightly in his hands, even after you had made it to your car. He stood there expectantly until both you and Daryl got in the car. You left your door propped open as you crammed your key in, feeling uneasy as Brian continued to stand there, hovering over you, and watching every move you made. Daryl was even more anxious with his behavior, including inside the station. Between the first time Daryl had spoken to him, to now, he was a completely different person. Daryl wanted to reach across you and close your door for you as he stood there, but Daryl also needed his wallet that was being held captive in Brian’s hands.

When the car started, you shut your door and rolled the window down, hoping Brian would hand over the bag and be on his way.

“I wanna thank you,” Brain said as he leaned down and rested his arm on the windowsill. He reached his other arm up slowly, trying not to hit you with the bag, as he held it out towards Daryl. When Daryl’s fingers curled around the bag, he spoke again. “You did some great work. Better than that shit Merle ever did for me.”

Daryl felt a chill run up his arms with goosebumps at the realization that Brian was him, the man that had had no face, no name, was buried so deep in the shadows that Daryl couldn’t tell that there was anything off about him. Daryl wondered if he ever spoke to him before, if he’d ever dialed his number when he was riddled with anxiety and a bit of fear. He wondered if he’d been keeping a close eye on him this entire time, if Brian had always been lurking over his shoulder in plain sight. This was the man that threatened Daryl, and his dog, and his work, and his friends, and now you, as you sat there with a face full of concern as Daryl’s face most definitely changed.

“Safe travels, Daryl.” Brian said as he offered one more smile to him. “Y/N.” And with a small tap to the window as you quickly rolled it up, Brian turned and headed towards his car that was parked four spots over. Daryl waited until he heard his engine start, and the blur of his car in his peripheral faded away until it was out of sight before he glanced at you.

“Daryl, what was he talking about? Why was he being so weird?” You asked, still confused. You took in the concern on his face as he glanced at the spot where the car used to be and back to you.

“We gotta go.” He mumbled as he tapped his knuckles on your upper arm quickly. Without question, you put the car in reverse and then pulled away. The car was silent for a few moments.

"Were ya serious?" Daryl asked suddenly.

"About what?"

"That when I got out…" He paused for a moment, fiddling his fingers in his lap. He was still confused and shaken from his encounter with Brian, and decided that now was the best time to do this with you, for safety and urgency. "What'd'ya mean when ya said we'd both be gone?"

"Daryl-" You pulled the car over quickly into the next parking lot of used cars with tacky balloons tied to their antennas. You turned to him as much as your seatbelt allowed. "You gotta talk to me. What was he talking about?"

Daryl rubbed his eyes quickly before dropping them back into his lap. Deep down, he knew you wouldn't be mad at him, or disappointed, but he still felt anxious about him knowing why he came back. He wasn't doing anything legal and it certainly came with it's own price at safety. And if he shared what he knew with you, it could put you in the same place of uncertainty, in the middle of threats and bribes and last-minute wagers to do bad business. He also never considered that being around him, simply being his friend, had already done that.

"Merle was fixin' up shit cars for'im. When he got locked up, I got a call tellin' me I had ta keep it goin', finish up a few cars that Merle didn' get to. I tried ta'say no but he told me he'd come after me an' Dog an' my friends…"

"What were the cars for?" You asked softly. You could tell he was nervous when his leg started bouncing lightly. You place your hand on it so he'd stop. He looked at you before placing his hand on top of yours; it was warm and clammy.

"Drugs… guns, money. Nothin' good."

You weren't surprised by the answer. He refused to tell you before, didn't want you knowing anything for a reason.

"When I said we'd both be gone… I meant it." You said, and Daryl's fingers suddenly tightened around yours. "You coming back into town made me realize how terrible these people are, and judgmental, especially my own family. I can't stay here, not anymore."

"Where d'ya plan ta go?" Daryl mumbled, chewing on his lip as he kept his eyes on you. There was an answer he wanted to hear, because you wanting to go with him was what he hoped you meant by it in the first place. He felt his heart sink a bit when you shrugged.

"I don't know." You said. "I think my old plan is way outdated- I don't want to go to school anymore, and big cities are too loud. I have no idea, Daryl."

"You could come with me." Daryl's soft suggestion came out before he could think about it. Was it the right time to ask? He didn't think he'd ever get the chance to ask you to run away with him, to be with him, to even see you again. Now he was asking you under the pretense of abandoning your family, and leaving on a whim without a plan, and going with him despite his illegal contributions the last few weeks. Daryl knew it wasn't what you imagined, nor what you deserved. You deserved better than him, he knew that, but he still felt he had to try. Because he couldn't stay any longer- not now, not with Brian still on his radar, with the chance he's still being surveilled. Even though he'd been "let go" from his forced obligations, and could've left days ago, he knew it was the last time he'd ever be here.

He had to try with you. He had to. Because you sat here with no judgement, no disdain, no disgust of who he was. He loved you for so long because of it, because you wanted to be his friend, provided him with safety and calm, and made him feel human. Coming back and spending time with you again made him realize none of that changed. He couldn't simply leave town without you or, at bare minimum, closure.

"With you?" You whispered, almost so low that Daryl couldn't hear you. But he did and he could only nod his head, afraid his voice would fail him. "Okay."

"Okay?" He asked surprised, not expecting such a decided answer.

"Yeah. Okay." You said, pulling your hand out of his and throwing the car into drive again. You continued your way across town, mentally creating a checklist of what you needed, the things you wanted to take, and all the other things you wanted to leave behind. "I gotta get some stuff."

"Stuff." Daryl echoed softly, sure you meant clothes and shoes and a pillow maybe? He hoped so, because he only had one at his place.

"Oh, good you're home! We were waiting for y-"

Your mom rounded the corner quickly into the foyer at the sound of the front door opening, her normal Christmas day excitement back in her voice. Except now it was late evening, it was cold and dark, and you were confident you needed none of the gifts under the tree.

"What in the world is he doing in my home!" She yelled suddenly, her voice changing back to the contempt she held this morning towards Daryl, and the day before, last week, and the last twenty years, probably.

You didn't bother to humor her with an explanation, nor the argument that her voice begged for, as you pulled at Daryl's coat sleeve and directed him up the steps with you. You could hear the stomping of two sets of feet and excited, angry chatter following you.

"He is not welcome here!"

"Who let you out?"

"What do you think you're doing!"

"Y/N, what are you doing?"

You tried to ignore them as best you could, having Daryl unzip a couple duffel bags as you started yo deliberately decide on which drawers to empty. You weren't sure how much space you'd have at Daryl's, or how much he'd be willing to give you, and you didn't want to overstep with random trinkets and things. Clothes went into the first bag in fist fulls and when you motioned for him to zip it, he paused and looked into that bag.

"Tha's it?" He asked confused, glancing around noting your drawers were still half full and you hadn't touched your closet.

"I don't want to clutter up your place." You said as you considered a shelf of pictures and if any of them were worth taking.

"Nah," he said, his voice louder- trying to combat the cacophony of ignorant and rude questions still being shouted at you. "Get more, ya need clothes." You looked at him softly, and even though you could see the anxiety in his face at being trapped in this room by your family, he still smiled at you gently and motioned towards the closet. As you started ruffling through the hangers, Rick stepped forward and wedged himself in your way so you'd stop.

"Move, Rick." You said, still moving, and pulling a few things from hangers.

"No, stop." Rick firmly put his hands on your shoulders and halted your movement. "Think about this."

You scoffed and threw him a look of disbelief.

"I told you." You said, shoving his hands off you. He took a step back at the force. "Maybe you'll finally listen this time. I'm leaving."

"Absolutely not!" Your mom yelled from the door. Daryl winced at the shrill volume behind him as he slowly folded your comforter and spare blanket with slow precision. "Not with him!"

"Yes," you said easily as you stuffed another large lump of clothes into the second bag, struggling to get the zipper to fully close. Daryl nodded his head, mostly to himself, his chest fluttering with excitement that- if he played his cards right- he'd find your sweaters and socks casually strewn about his house, your hair would clog up the shower drain, and his closet could finally find some warmth with hanging clothes instead of empty hangers.

"Okay, Daryl," you said loudly, ignoring your mom again and stuffing a perfume bottle and deodorant in your coat pockets and grabbing a small jewelry box from your night table. "You ready?"

He caught Rick's glare across the room for a moment and tried not to laugh. It was poetic justice, the biggest kick in the nuts that Rick could get. Daryl wondered what he was thinking, if he would call Shane and try to run them down and drag you back, if they'd cut you off completely and pretend you didn't exist. The town would ostracize you now the way they did him and your family would feel the shame of that. If only Daryl could find it in him to care.

He followed your lead as you threw one bag strap over your head and held the other in your hand. Daryl almost protested before he noticed you planned to use one as a plow, to push through your family crowding around them. He quickly turned to grab the blankets and your pillow and followed close behind.

"Don't you dare!" Your mom yelled close on Daryl's heels. "This isn't right!"

Daryl heard you laugh loudly as you threw open the front door, the winter cold harsh in comparison to the warmth of the house and immediately turning your cheeks a bright pink. He didn't bother to say anything, only offering a small touch to your waist every time you glanced back to make sure he was still behind you. It was the comfort you needed to keep going, to throw your back door open and chuck your bags in, to wave comically to your mom who still raised her voice on the porch, with Rick standing just behind her quietly. For the first time in the hustle, you noticed your dad at the bottom of the porch steps, holding his robe tightly around his torso with a humored smile on his face.

"Are ya sure?" Daryl asked gently from beside you. You looked up at him and the way his hair fell and shadowed half his face in darkness. His brow still hadn't lost its confused crinkle but his eyes seemed brighter.

"Yes." You said before standing quick on your toes and kissing him. He didn't have a chance to kiss you back before you pulled away and rounded the car.

He got in when he heard your door shut and the car start and your mom yelling again, for you to get your ass back in the house, to stop being so ridiculous, to never come back if you left with him.

"So tell me." you said with a bright smile, from adrenaline, and the cold, and from the feel of Daryl's fingers laced in yours.

"Tell ya what?"

"Everything. What's your house like? Your friends, will they like me? Do you have carpeted floors?"

And Daryl couldn't help but laugh as he answered your questions, one after another, as the smell of you filled the air around him from your bags in the backseat. It made Daryl a happy kind of dizzy knowing that that smell would soon permeate his home and mingle with his things and become a smell that was distinctly both of you.

And the feeling only grew into a warm buzzing as you pulled into the motel, where he threw his bags into the back seat and practically threw his room key on the desk in the cold lobby that smelled of mildew. There was a minute of back and forth on who Dog would ride with. You insisted that he stay with Daryl, he was more familiar with him and his truck and you didn't want Daryl to feel alone. Daryl had the same sentiment for you about being alone, but also had the thought that you'd be less likely to change your mind about this, about him, if Dog was with you.

As he pulled out of the parking lot, Dog in his normal seat beside him with his snout shoved out the window, Daryl started to lose his doubt and worry. The last time Daryl saw this town in a rear-view mirror, he was sad and beaten down and lost. But now every time he looked back, he felt content and whole with leaving it all behind, because this time you were right there behind him at every turn and curve of the road, your headlights a bright, blinding reminder.

You didn't think twice about where he was going, or you by consequence, or where you both were going to go. You weren’t worried about your parents or Rick or your jobs or anything else for that matter. As long as you and Daryl did this together, you weren’t worried one bit.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\//////////////////

Epilogue

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon x reader #daryl x reader #daryl dixon au #trash day #twd fanfiction #the walking dead fanfiction #daryl dixon imagine

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ex-silent-reader · 3 years

Text

Happy Holidays fic recs

Happy Holidays everybody! I haven’t been commenting on posts individually like i normally like to so it’s kind of backed up a bit. I still really want to thank all the authors who have been sharing their stories with us and leave a lil itty bitty comment before I can expand on them for their own post so here’s that! Also I’ve seen a lot of undeserved negativity being spread to a lot of authors and I just want to thank you all for sharing your work on this platform FOR FREE and remind you that you literally owe us nothing and I’m super grateful that you continue to share with us. These are just some stories that I’ve read this week, i’d def like to do another of these soon :)

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own any of these stories, each story is owned by the author tagged next to the title and the summary is pulled verbatim from their page, in quotation marks. The only thing I own is gratitude towards these authors for sharing their work with us.

Also all stories are rated M

Also, a loooot of stories have come out lately and I haven’t had a chance to get to a lot of them yet but i hope to soon so I’ll hopefully make another one of these soon, but yea pls know that I’m not purposefully ignoring or excluding anything or anyone.

Jin;

last christmas | ksj x reader - @xjoonchildx

“ summary: it was bound to happen, eventually. after months of near misses at barbecues and birthdays, there’s no avoiding your ex-husband at hoseok’s annual christmas bash. but it’s fine, totally fine, because you’re both adults – and you’ve both brought dates and booze. what could go wrong? “

This story was amazing! First of all, I love the comedy surrounding the entire situation, Hobi with his 8 trees and instigator Yoongi who also wants them to get their shit together for Hobi’s sake. I love all au’s but sometimes exes to lovers is difficult for me to side with because I don’t see how people can bounce back from so much hurt but in this story it felt very natural how they were able to find their way back together and I really enjoyed the insight to their relationship, especially near the end.

Yoongi;

CREAM & SUGA - @snackhobi

“summary: yoongi is your favourite regular. he’s patient, polite, and predictable, a-large-black-coffee-to-go-please, no cream, no sugar, thank you. rinse and repeat. the seasons might change, but yoongi’s order stays the same.

and then one fateful day in winter, yoongi asks about the weekly specials, orders a cup of christmas and sugary sweetness, and everything starts changing.”

Ya’ll. Yoongi fics just truly hit different. The plot of this was so adorable and him going out of his way like that to keep her engaged was so cute and just very Yoongi like. I also just really loved the descriptions in this, like how oc described making the drinks, it just made everything seem so real.

universe | myg drabble - @personasintro

“❥𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔; you’re his whole universe, you just don’t know it yet – or him”

ASDFGHJKL! Like, I really have no words for the way this made me feel. Like, ik it’s not a super healthy dynamic but the thought of a fixated Yoongi is.. I loved reading Yoongi being so fixated with oc and doing everything i his capability to meet her. I also was v interested in the part where he bumped into her and she didn’t react the way he expected because it made me think about how he (or any character’s with his mindset) cope when the fantast and reality don’t match.

Hobi;

A Holly, Jolly Crisis (M) - @kpopfanfictrash

* Blog doesn’t allow copy/paste and I wanted to respect that*

This story made me feel so many things. Like there’s so many layers to it and both of their hurt, her visiting him and feeling betrayed while he felt pushed aside. This story was so complex and both characters had so many layers to them, but it’s still sooo well written and I was invested the entire time. Like, I genuinely can’t get my feelings out in a brief way so I’m looking forward to screaming about this in it’s own post.

Joonie;

my only wish - knj | m - @ppersonna

“✹ summary- There are few things you hate most in this world. Hornets, unnecessary fruit pieces in otherwise perfectly good jello, certain shades of orange… But nothing takes the cake more than two simple things. Christmas. And Kim Namjoon. So why did you agree to pretend to be Kim Namjoon’s girlfriend at his family Christmas party? Bah-Humbug. “

UM! Absolutely adored this story, of course it would be a fellow cream suit enthusiast who can bring so much justice to dreamy Joon. I loved how he was portrayed here and getting insight to both his and oc’s feelings made me root for them soooo hard.

new parent syndrome - @1kook

“ SUMMARY You love Namjoon, honest. But you love your daughter Hyejoo even more— it’s not a controversial sentiment when you know he’s the same way! —and going back to a regular adult life sans kids absolutely sucks. (Or so you thought.)”

The tag “dreamy husband joon” is extremelyyyy accurate. This story was just so cute and their relationship truly felt so intimate and lovely. Her being on the phone with Jimin while Joon was smash SENT me but it was also so hot like ASDFGHJKL that man can do no wrong tbh.

laundry day - @snackhobi

“summary: You’ve been letting your laundry pile up for a little too long. Fortunately, your neighbour Namjoon is there to lend you a hand. “

Pls this was so hot. Like, I’ve made it very clear thus far that I’m a total simp for Joon, the thought of that man going strawberry picking and thinking to grab some for oc genuinely makes me SWOON. He’s an actual heartthrob.

The Sweet in Sweet Potato - @sahmfanficbts

“ Summary: You’ve been roommates for years. Now that you’re catching feelings, it’s time to run away. “

This entire series has had me so invested but this chapter!!! I’m always a sucker for Joon but the way he was so clearly in her feels (for OC) but wanting to respect her need for distance, what a man. And I was so happy to see oc working through her feeling towards Joon.

Last Christmas (M) - @jjungkookislife

* Blog doesn’t allow copy/paste and I wanted to respect that*

Damn, I really love when a misunderstanding is such a big catalyst for a bunch of drama/angst. It just really ups the tension for me because as the reader I know it was a misunderstanding but clearly the character’s don’t, so it just makes me really eager to see how they make amends. I really enjoyed seeing them slowly make amends and grow. Also the buildup to them deciding to give the relationship another go made the ending soooo satisfying.

Jimin;

picking petals｜pjm - @taestybae

“ summary ↣ you asked for a baby, so a baby is what you’re going to get. “

I really have no words for this, like it was so asaifgjhhkc. First of all, I really enjoyed that it was through his pov, i don’t typically read stories like that (I just don’t often come across them) but this still felt so natural that I didn’t even realize until right now, writing this comment. Also, the imagery was so well described and the anticipation built made this story so enjoyable.

Taehyung;

Deepest Indulgence - @scribblemetae

“ Description/Summary: The world is a mess, gangs, violence and rates of poverty are at an all time high since corporations took over everything. You built your Sex house to be a safe place and a sanctuary for those in need, promising to protect anybody who needs it. What happens when an extremely attractive and very rich man walks through the door begging for a job at Deepest Indulgence? The one sex house that wasn’t meant for men like himself. “

I AM SO EAGER FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER TO COME OUT. Like, idk how I can even describe this correctly but this just feel so much like Tae...???? Like idk if that makes sense but just Tae being this v sensual man, but there still being more to him than that, just makes so much sense and even the word “indulgence” is just so sensual and reminiscent of him. Also, the storyline so far is something I’ve personally never seen before and I’m super invested in this world and story already. Very eager to see how their relationship progresses.

let it snow | kth - @suga-kookiemonster

* Blog doesn’t allow copy/paste and I wanted to respect that*

It’s the way I read this last night, it took me exactly an hour (3am to 4 am cause I’m a CLOWN), and I was so invested that I kept putting off sleep to finish it. Man, i’m a simp for this Tae (just like he is for oc lmao). I really enjoyed reading it and the mention of Jisoo earlier in the story had me on the edge of my seat the whole time wondering when things were gonna blow up. Everything was just so sweet and fluffy, and the confession really made me feel so soft for them both cause they both were so in their own heads and feelings they couldn’t see what was in front of them so I really enjoyed the confessions.

Jungkook;

Thank you, baby - @scribblemetae

“ Turns out the boy whos been stalking you for years has decided its about time he shows his face in the form of a picture, and decides its time to talk to you for real, in the form of a phone call. “

I genuinely don’t know how I can simp over this story in a short way but I’ll try my best. The characters are so complex and the storyline is twisted so many ways that make this so interesting to read and easy to become invested in. The way Jk is written, I understand why OC is lost on how to feel for him. Like, his actions are wrong, but actually meeting him and even seeing his though process, it’s hard to make him out to be the villian that his actions have categorized him as. I can’t wait to continue reading and write a full length comment about this!

FEED ME, FIGHT ME. @yeojaa

“ What do you get when you mix a pissed off girlfriend with a neglectful boyfriend? (Aside from trouble, that is.) “

I really enjoyed this, I love how aware of Jk and his boundaries the oc is and how she is cautious to walk the line and not push him too far while also letting him know how his actions make her feel. This just genuinely felt like a glimpse into a very real, very intimate relationship/moment and I loved that. I also just really love how this is written and I think you have a beautiful way with words.

Chapstick - @softyoongiionly

“based on the time Jungkook said he needed someone to scold him so he’d remember to put lip balm on. Or Jungkook’s had a really long day and the only that can make it better, is seeing you. “

Idk if I’ve ever said it before, but I just love how you write relationships. Like, I can feel how comfortable they are with each other and how natural being together is for them. With your stories generally it just never feels forced and I really love that. I also really liked that we got Jk’s pov in the beginning, getting to see how tense he was really made me eager for their interactions and for him to feel comfortable and calm with her. Their interactions just felt so cute and natural and the end, assdjfhi, jk really deserves to be cherished and I loved seeing oc get him to the point of relaxation.

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perseusannabeth · 4 years

Text

Bottled Up Storms - Chapter 1

So this is something I started writing thanks to a prompt I received (shout out to the anon who sent me that). I’m sorry that this has taken me so long to write, but my job has been kicking my arse so I haven’t had much time to write. I originally was going to write this as a one shot but lmao oops it turned out a little too long and I have too many ideas so now it’ll be a multi-chapter fic.

This is a pregnancy fic for Nessian. I don’t really know much about being pregnant so everything is from google so I’m sorry if I get stuff wrong. I hope you enjoy it. Let me know if you want to be added to my tags list!

Description: Nesta and Cassian have been living in the Illyrian mountains for some months now, and they had it all figured out. They mostly ignored each other, and seemed to be getting by. However, after one drunken night together, they must deal with the consequences of what they have created together, both the new life they created, and the lives they have created for themselves.

This is also posted on AO3

Word count: 4511

They didn’t talk about the fact that they’d had sex. It was a one-time thing, and something not to be repeated as far as they were both concerned. They had both been drunk and they needed to feel something. There had been tension lingering around them ever since Nesta had been ordered to go with Cassian to Illyria. The tension was normal around the two of them, it had been there ever since they had first met, which felt like a lifetime ago. The tension had built until it was going to burst. That’s what had happened that drunken night.

Nesta found she was fine not talking about what had happened between them. She didn’t want to talk about the mind-blowing sex, the way Cassian had looked at her like she was his world, the way he had held her after, how it had made her feel calm and safe, the way she’d had the best nights sleep since Gods know when, the way she had woken up to him staring at her with such love and wonder that she couldn’t breathe. Cassian hadn’t spoken about it either. He had just watched her as she left his room. The weight of his gaze nowadays was suffocating but different reasons. Now it was heavy with the memories of that night, of what they could be if she wasn’t so broken, and if she hadn’t been such a coward and left.

Nesta was content to go about her life at the blasted camp her sister had dumped her at, barely seeing Cassian. She carried on with her routine of going to see Emerie in the shop. She would help if she needed it, but Emerie so rarely had customers that she did things herself just so she could keep busy. After spending a few hours with Emerie, sometimes talking and sometimes sitting in comfortable silence, she would wander around the camp, sometimes watching the training of the women, sometimes tiring and going to the cabin she shared with Cassian and reading one of her books.

Very occasionally, Nesta would wander down to the healer’s tent and help them. She worked in silence, just doing as she was told, but the work was good for tiring her out and keeping her hands and mind busy. It made her feel useful, something she had not felt in a long time, maybe not ever.

She hadn’t felt the need to drink herself into oblivion like she had done most nights in Velaris. Maybe the distance had helped, but Nesta still couldn’t bring herself to thank her sister for sending her away. Even when she and Cassian had… made their mistake that night, she wasn’t anywhere near as drunk as she could’ve been. She just pretended she was after it had happened so that Cassian wouldn’t talk to her about it. She was eating too, although that was a bit more hit and miss. She was shocked to find that the alcohol she could easily leave, but the punishing her body, the not eating, that was harder to do. Still, she was making progress and eating something is better than nothing. Her lack of drinking meant she was throwing up less, meaning she was slowly starting to look healthier. Her nightmares did cause her to throw up though, so the food didn’t always stay down. She still couldn’t make much of a dent in the food that Cassian plated up for her, but she still felt a small amount of pride for eating what she did.

Which is why she was confused. She was being sick in the morning, despite the fact she hadn’t drank any alcohol since that night with Cassian. She wouldn’t even have it with her meal, just in case her control slipped. The alcohol made her too free, which was dangerous around Cassian.

This was the third morning in a row now, where Nesta had been sick. At first, she had thought it was food poisoning, but Cassian was fine and he always cooked for both of them. Plus, she had felt better later on in the day. She had gone to the healers who told her she wasn’t ill. They had offered to check her over more extensively, but Nesta refused, hoping whatever it was would go away.

It hadn’t. Because of course, of course, things could never be that easy for Nesta. This morning was particularly bad. She was sat on the floor in the bathroom and had been for the past half an hour. She didn’t want to risk getting up because every time she did, she felt sick again. Cassian was (thank the cauldron) at his morning training session, and wouldn’t be back until dinner. She had the cabin to herself for the day to deal with whatever this was.

She decided to move to the sink to rinse her mouth out with water. She didn’t want to risk going into the kitchen to get a glass, just in case she was sick again. As she stood up, her body protested, and her stomach churned. Nesta took a deep breath in the hopes it would calm her stomach, but she had no such luck as she once again leaned over the toilet bowl, slowly sinking to her knees again as she retched again.

Nesta always prided herself on being well aware of her surroundings. However, while she was being sick, she didn’t notice Cassian coming back into the cabin. Nor did she hear his footsteps getting closer and closer as he followed the noises she was making.

Cassian stood in the doorway of the bathroom and stared at Nesta who had now stopped being sick and was leaning against the bathtub, panting. Nesta glared at him, but without as much heat as she would’ve liked, exhausted from throwing up for half an hour.

“Are you alright?” Cassian asked, seeming to break himself out of whatever was going on in his head.

“Do I look alright to you?” Nesta bit back, taking deep breaths as her stomach churned again. She closed her eyes, willing her stomach to settle, hoping that the cool feeling of the bathtub against her would help.

“A little too much fun last night?”

“Yes, it was a joy, sitting in my room all night, reading my book until I fall asleep, not having to be around you,” Nesta replied, angry that he would imply she had been drinking.

He seemed thrown by that. They both knew that she wouldn’t lie about the drinking, she had never felt the need to before. She wasn’t ashamed of her chosen coping habit, it wasn’t hurting anyone else, just herself. It shouldn’t bother everyone as much as it does, but if they choose to worry about her drinking habit then that’s on them, she didn’t care. Or so she would keep telling herself.

“I… are you saying you haven’t been drinking?” Cassian asked, unable to keep the shock out of his voice.

“I haven’t drank any alcohol since-” she cut herself off, unable to say that she hadn’t touched alcohol since that night they had shared.

Thankfully, Cassian seemed to realise what she was about to say and just cleared his throat awkwardly and gave her a small nod. “Okay then, shall I get a healer?”

“No, I’ll go down myself, I’m fine now anyway.” Nesta tried to slowly move, but it was no use. Her stomach churned again as she turned quickly to the toilet before being sick again.

Nesta’s whole body shook as she was sick, she could feel her energy draining with each time she heaved, her nose and mouth, filling with the acidic smell and taste of her vomit. She couldn’t believe she was vomiting this much, not when she didn’t think she had this much lining her stomach to even get rid of in the first place. She felt a warm hand slowly rub her back as she threw up, so softly it hurt her heart.

Eventually, her body stopped, perhaps running out of things to force out of her, although Nesta was not very hopeful. Her body was clearly punishing her for all the havoc she had caused when she was drinking her meals. She leaned back against the bathtub once again, Cassian’s hand still so soft and warm on her back. She could feel the liquid around her nose, mouth and the tears that had escaped as she had been sick leaving marks down her cheeks. She closed her eyes, wishing Cassian was anywhere but here, wishing he wasn’t seeing her like this.

Perhaps Nesta’s wishes come true quickly, but perhaps that’s only true when her wish is something that will hurt her. Cassian slowly stood up and left her in the bathroom. He returned briefly with a glass of water and some tissues to try and clean her face up as best he could. She would have stopped him, and his soft movements as he wiped her face, but she didn’t have the energy to stop him, to yell, to be a bitch and push him away. Not right now. But maybe she could do it without even trying because she closed her eyes and felt him leave, and heard the front door open and shut, and the cabin was once again was empty.

Nesta sat on the floor for what felt like an age. Time seemed to pass differently when you’ve been sick all morning. She waited until she started feeling a bit better, her legs not feeling as weak or shaky, her stomach settling down slightly, her nose stopped stinging, her eyes stopped watering. She slowly moved herself to stand up, trying to keep her movements as smooth and slow as possible, in the hopes it wouldn’t make her sick again.

Her limbs felt too heavy for her, her body exhausted from being sick. She didn’t have the energy to deal with people, she didn’t want to speak to anyone or see anyone. She wanted to sleep. Even though she was sleeping better than she had been, her sleep was interrupted, bitty, and more like she was taking several naps at night rather than getting proper rest. She didn’t bother undressing or undoing her braided hair. She simply walked over to her bed and collapsed, feeling grateful that her room wasn’t far from the bathroom.

She closed her eyes but knew that despite the exhaustion her body was feeling, her mind would not let her sleep. She knew she wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about Cassian’s hand on her back. It was the first time he had touched her since that night. It hurt, that he didn’t want to touch her again unless he had to, but she understood. Things were so messy between the two of them, they needed space between them. Nesta couldn’t think when she was near Cassian, and when he touched her it felt like he had lit a fuse. She was sure that if she hadn’t been otherwise occupied when he had touched her, she would’ve reacted differently. She was glad that she hadn’t since she had been embarrassed enough for one day.

Cassian clearly felt she hadn’t been embarrassed enough, however, because he returned, and she could clearly hear the voice of another person with him. She recognised the voice of the healers from the tent that she helped out in. Their footsteps grew closer, and Nesta, in her panic, decided that she would pretend to be asleep.

“Oh,” was all that Cassian said as he opened the door and saw her fully dressed and asleep on top of her covers. She had been so exhausted that she couldn’t even muster the energy to get under them before they had arrived. “Shall I wake her?”

“It’s okay general, you can go and wait elsewhere. I will wake her up and speak to her,” there was silence, Cassian not moving away like he had been told to. Eventually, he let out a small sigh and walked away into their shared living space as the healer shut the door behind him.

“You can stop pretending to be asleep now. You may have fooled the general but that won’t work on me.”

Nesta slowly opened her eyes and looked at the healer. She was short, with dark brown hair, tied in a neat bun. Her wings were clipped, but she seemed to carry herself in a way that suggested she was fairly old even for fae standards, and she wore the typical healers uniform, which was immaculate. In fact, everything about this woman was immaculate, which put Nesta on edge even on a normal day. After three days of being sick every morning, Nesta wanted nothing more to hide under her blanket. She did not give in to her urge to hide, however, and slowly sat up on her bed, hoping not to make the queasy feeling turn into something more again.

“I know we’ve seen each other around the tent, but I’ve never had a chance to speak to you before. I’m Theodora. I heard you were throwing up this morning? Is this the first time you’ve done that?” As she asked the questions, Theodora set her bag down on the foot of the bed and started rifling through it and putting things onto the bed.

“I’m Nesta. And no, this is now the third day this has been happening. It seemed to calm down yesterday afternoon so I hoped that it was just a stomach bug that had passed.”

Theodora looked up at her in surprise. “Three days?”

“Yes although I have been feeling a bit queasy for much longer than that, I just learnt to ignore it.”

“Hmm okay, and how long have you been noticing my queasiness?” Nesta paused, unsure if she should divulge all her secrets with the healer, in case she told Cassian or anyone what she had been suffering recently. As if able to sense her worries, Theodora added, “Nothing you say will be shared with anyone else without your permission.”

Slightly comforted that if someone was to find out at least she would have warning, Nesta decided to share her troubles. “I’ve been feeling sick ever since my last period.”

“How long ago was that?”

“It was supposed to be 2 weeks ago, but it never came. That isn’t unusual though. I’ve put my body through a lot, my periods are never predictable.”

Theodora pursed her lips and nodded to indicate she was listening as she looked through her healer’s bag once more, a small frown on her face. When she found what she was looking for, she inspected it, before looking up at Nesta.

“This is a routine question I ask every female, so please don’t get offended, but is there any chance you could be pregnant? Just so I can choose my treatment method correctly.”

Nesta froze. Pregnant? Surely not. Fae pregnancies were difficult and rare, she knew that. With what Nesta had been putting her body through before coming to Illyria, she wasn’t even sure she could do that right now. There was no way she could be pregnant, could she? But then a flash of blurry memory hit her, stumbling into Cassian’s room, the desperation, ripping each other’s clothes off and “oh fuck could I be pregnant?”

“I, erm, I don’t know,” was all she could stutter in a small voice, her throat constricting, making it difficult for her not to cry. She didn’t know for sure, but she suddenly had a very bad feeling about all of this.

“Right then, we will do a pregnancy test first in that case. I’ll just go get you some water because I’ll need a urine sample to find out for sure,” Theodora smiled at her before walking off towards the kitchen.

Nesta remained frozen on the bed, staring at the open door. She could hear Cassian speaking to the healer, but she couldn’t focus on what was being said, she couldn’t focus on anything. She was pregnant, she knew it as soon as Theodora has asked. This was just another way to punish her. It was probably that damned cauldron’s idea of a joke. Of course, she would get pregnant after the one time she slept with her ma- with Cassian. It was like the cauldron could tell that she would run, avoid him, push him away. But if she was pregnant with his child, then she couldn’t do that. Nesta would need him, would want him to be involved if she had his child.

Before she could go even further into her thought spiral, Theodora came back with a large glass of water, which she handed to Nesta as she shut the door again.

“The general tried to ask me questions, but don’t worry, I put him in his place and told him it was up to you to share any details with him,” Theodora said in a matter of fact tone.

Nesta couldn’t reply, so she simply gave a small nod of acknowledgement and started drinking her water. Once she had finished the entire glass, she put it on her bedside table and finally drew the courage to look at the healer who was now seated on the other end of her bed.

“What happens if I am?” Nesta couldn’t bring herself to say that word out loud yet.

“Then you have options. You don’t have to keep it. But if you decide you do then we can help you learn more.” There was no judgement in Theodora’s voice. Just soft, kind words, letting Nesta take control of a situation which already felt too out of control.

“What happens if I don’t want it.” Nesta could only whisper the question, looking down at her hands to avoid looking at the kind woman sat in front of her. She didn’t feel like she deserved the kindness, but right now she didn’t have the energy to stop her from being so kind.

“Then that is your decision. We would tell you about the process, what we do, how it works. In the end, it would just be like heavy bleeding, nothing more.”

“I thought that fae pregnancies were…” Nesta trailed off, not knowing what she was going to say. Her mind was spinning with so many thoughts, she could barely think straight.

“They are very rare, and when people want to be pregnant, then it is considered very blessed. But not everyone wants to keep that child. Not everyone’s circumstances are happy or healthy. Not everyone can afford to have that child. There are so many factors in pregnancies, not just someone putting their penis in a vagina.”

At the impassioned speech from Theodora, Nesta looked up to see something she couldn’t quite name painted across the healer’s face. All Nesta knew was that she felt understood. She felt unjudged and knew Theodora was not pitying her or the situation she was in. That helped calm the thoughts spinning around in her head.

"I don't know what I want." Nesta looked down at her hands which were folded in her lap as she finally admit out loud what she had felt since she had emerged from that cursed cauldron. Before that, when she was human, things were simple enough. Her ambitions were simply to marry someone so she could live comfortably. As a woman, Nesta was well aware that she needed someone to look after her and provide her. That was not the case for her in this new Fae world, the possibilities seemed endless for Nesta. However, Nesta felt overwhelmed with the amount of freedom she had suddenly gained in this new world, she had no idea what to do with it.

"You have some time. Think about it. It's early days yet. Finding out you're pregnant is always a shock, it can take some time to come to terms with that. There are other options too. Many Fae can't have children, so there's always the idea of adoption. Many loving parents would happily raise your child if you are not able to. You can choose to be involved if you want to, or not at all. The possibilities are endless." Theodora started packing her things away, not looking at Nesta as she spoke, which Nesta was grateful for.

"I... thank you."

"You're welcome. If you need someone to talk to, just know that I will all always be kept confidential. Even the high lord and lady could not make me break my oath to the people I serve. You know where to find me if you need me Nesta." Nesta gave a small nod, still not able to look up at the healer.

“Do you need the bathroom yet?” Nesta thought for a second and then nodded. Theodora handed her a vial and instructed her to try and gather as much urine into the vial as possible, which seemed disgusting but Nesta went to the bathroom to do as she had been told.

She came back and handed the vial to Theodora, cringing as she did. Nesta sat back down on the bed as she watched Theodora put a leaf, which she had kept out of her bags into her urine sample. The leaf floated and started to shrivel up as soon as it was emerged in the urine, turning a funny orange colour with little brown splotches on it.

“What does that mean?” Nesta whispered, not being able to look away from the leaf.

“It means that you’re pregnant my dear.” There was a short silence, as though Theodora was waiting for Nesta to say something, but when she didn't Theodora spoke again, breaking the awkward silence. "I will prepare the herbs you will need to drink in your morning tea and send them along to you. If you drink the tea from the herbs every morning, it should help with your morning sickness. If it persists despite the tea then let me know."

"Thank you," Nesta murmured again, as though unable to think of what else to say in the face of such kindness from a virtual stranger, still trying to process what she had just been told, that her suspicions were correct. Theodora simply nodded and left the cottage, not even glancing at Cassian as she left.

Cassian walked up to Nesta's room after Theodora left, leaning on the door frame and looked at Nesta's pale face as she stared at her hands, but not really seeing anything. It seemed Nesta was miles away, so he cleared his throat in order to get her attention.

"Is everything alright?" His eyes looking over her body for signs of an injury, as though there would be something he could see on her body causing her to be unwell.

"I'm fine," Nesta said, looking up at Cassian finally. He was trying to look casual, as though there was nothing going on, but Nesta could see the tension he was holding in his shoulders. He was worried about her. The realisation came with a large amount of shock. She couldn't quite believe that he was worried about her. Perhaps her shock got the better of her because before she could stop herself, she blurted out "I'm pregnant."

Nesta's eyes widened as she cursed herself internally for not being able to keep her mouth shut. She looked up to see Cassian, to see he had frozen in shock, his eyes wide, staring at Nesta. Nesta could feel her heart beating in her chest, the tears starting to fill her eyes as Cassian said nothing, and just stared at her with different emotions flitting across his face, too quickly for her to guess what they might mean.

"I... who? Is it... am I?" Cassian eventually managed to choke out, his eyes drifting to her stomach almost unconsciously.

"It," Nesta paused, wondering if she should lie, not tell Cassian he was the father, wondering if she could somehow take all of it back. But she knew she couldn't when she saw Cassian looking at her flat stomach. His expression had finally settled on something, and that was hope. Nesta knew after spending time in the Illyrian camps, that Cassian's childhood had been terrible. She knew that Cassian would never, not in a million lifetimes, abandon this baby. "It's yours." She whispered, a tear managing to escape her eye. She quickly wiped it, but knew that it hadn't gone unnoticed. Nothing Nesta did ever went unnoticed where Cassian was concerned.

"Do you want it?" Cassian asked softly. She knew that he would never begrudge her if she wanted to get rid of the baby. She could see, and she knew, that Cassian would love this baby with everything he had, but if Nesta decided she didn't want this baby, he would never hold it against her, and never stop her from getting rid of it. If she allowed him to, she knew he would be with her every step of the way for that too, even if it broke his heart.

"I don't know." She closed her eyes, hoping that it would stop any more tears from escaping.

"I'll stand by you, whatever you choose. You know that, right?" Cassian asked, almost desperately, like he needed to know that she knew this was her choice, and he would never leave her. The desperation in his voice reminded her of the metallic smell of the blood that the ground soaked up, his warm body beneath hers as he gasped for air and told her to leave him to die alone.

Nesta couldn't get the words out, they got stuck in her throat. She choked out a small sob, unable to stop herself, and gave him a small nod, overcome with emotions. Before she could try to compose herself, to put up the icy exterior she relied on so much, she felt something warm and solid wrap around her. Cassian was silent as he held Nesta in his arms, something he hadn't done since the night they had spent together. Nesta finally let herself cry, unable to keep her emotions at bay any longer.

When she felt like she couldn't cry anymore, like she had run out of tears to cry, she slowly pulled away from Cassian's chest, where he had been holding her and stroking her back, telling her everything would be alright. She looked up at the male who had been by her side every step of the way, whether she wanted him there or not.

She could feel her exhaustion taking over her, hitting her like a hammer. She tried to search for something to say, but didn't know how to put into words what she was feeling, not when she didn't even understand her emotions herself.

"You should rest," Cassian said softly, as he moved her so she was lying down on her pillow. He pulled her blankets over her, smoothed her hair down and kissed her forehead. Nesta was asleep before he had even left the room, feeling calmer than she had any right to be.

Tags list: @hizqueen4life @kelly-fasel @sannelovesreading @acourtofmarauders @maastrash

#my fic #bottled up storms #bottled up storms c1 #nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #nesta x cassian #acotar #acowar #acotar ff #acomaf #acofas #acosf

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kittycatasaurus · 4 years

Text

Hisirdoux x Reader // Word count:1.5k No warnings I don’t think?

This was purely self indulgent since there isn’t too much fic of my boy, decided I’d post it in case anyone else wants some douxie love but be warned I haven’t finished a fanfic in years so it might flow poorly and I have no clue how to write speech lmao. I’m pretty sure it’s genderneutral, please let me know if I used masc/fem pronouns for reader anywhere and I’ll make sure to check carefully if I post anymore fics. Hope at least one person enjoys it but anywho let’s go!

Today was a normal day, average in most every way (for being a day you dared to venture outside). The weather was pleasant and mild, the streets weren’t too busy, and soon enough you would be meeting up with a friend to spend the weekend sleeping over at their apartment. Fortunately for you they lived in the same area, hence you were familiar with the specific building of flats where they resided, however, it had been a while since you’d stepped foot inside one of said architectures. This, paired with the many urban legends you’d heard over the years of ghosts and spirits transporting folks into different dimensions, led to a paranoia of elevators in tall housing complexes. Five or less floors was as comfortable as you would desire ideally. But alas, your friend lived almost on the top floor, meaning it was the elevator for no more than a few minutes, or dozens of flights of stairs. As much as you had your fears, you didn’t feel like walking up all those stairs to arrive exhausted before your friend, so you sucked it up and boarded the elevator. The fact that no one else was inside both put you on edge and caused you to let out a sigh of relief, elevator journeys always feel awkward with a stranger or two.

As you were letting out your nervous breath with closed eyes, you failed to notice one other person board the elevator before the doors shut on their own. Opening your eyes after a few seconds, you were startled by the presence of a young (looking) man dressed in punk-ish attire. The embarrassing noise you let out startled the man as well who turned to face you, eyes wide and a question on his tongue, “Are, are you alright? Did I startle you? My apologies love.” The word ‘love’ broke you out of the trance you’d been under; simply gawking at the beautiful man before you, a blush erupting over your face at such a handsome person referring to you with such a term. Clocking that he’d genuinely asked you something before calling you love, you barely got out an answer, “YES! I mean, yes, thank you, sorry, I’m fine, just spaced out for a moment there…” Trailing off after that mess of a reply, you dropped your gaze to the floor of the elevator. Before the silence could settle the man chuckled before it shifted to full on laughter. Before you could even come up with your next thought, the man stopped his giggling fit to say “I hope that didn’t seem like I was laughing at you, I was really more laughing at your reaction to yourself, that was quite precious, the way you fumbled about with your words.” Honestly you’d probably be quite offended had he not said that with the sweetest smile you had ever had the fortune of witnessing. Still embarrassed, you simply gave a curt nod and resumed looking at the corner. The next few seconds continued in silence as you passed by over half the floors until the elevator came to an abrupt stop. When the doors failed to open upon this pause, it got you thinking something was unfortunately wrong. After a moment of holding your breath, the elevator still failed to either continue its ascension or open the doors, resulting in you letting an “Oh bother” slip out. The man seemed to just then realise the elevator was stuck himself and immediately hit the help button before him.

“Uh, try not to panic alright? I’m sure someone’ll be on their way to help soon so you don’t need to worry.” The stranger’s attempt to reassure and comfort you was greatly appreciated, however you weren’t so much frightened of being trapped in a tight and high up space as you were embarrassed to be in such an environment with a stranger, albeit a cute one. Not wanting to concern the kind man, you managed a somewhat more confident reply than earlier, “Thank you, but I’ll be fine, no worries, I wasn’t going to panic. Um, I really appreciate your consideration though.”

The man looked surprised for a moment before his mouth moved up into a smirk, “Huh, did I imagine our earlier chat or something, you sounded like a whole different person just now.”

His teasing once again caused your face to redden, but you didn’t let him shake you, rolling your eyes with an insincere huff.

“So, I don’t know about you but I’d rather we not spend the next however long in silence. How about we start with names? I’ll go first, the name’s Hisirdoux Casperan, but my friends call me Douxie.” He winked. This ‘Douxie’ character seemed to think he absolutely oozed charm (and he would be right but still) and despite not wanting to fall for it, you couldn’t keep the small grin off your face as he bowed dramatically.

“Nice to meet you Hisirdoux, you can call me (anytime) Y/N. So what brings you round these parts?” You replied.

The pleasant conversation kept up, you were amazed at how easy Douxie was to talk to. Normally the idea of having to talk to a stranger to fill up silence made you want to simply stop existing, but with Hisirdoux you found yourself wanting the chat to last forever. However, all good things must come to an end, you begrudgingly thought as someone finally showed up to pry open the door to allow you and Douxie to leave the elevator. Only then did you realise that the pair of you must have been stuck inside for a couple hours at least as your friend was nervously standing in the hall. Before going over to them, you stopped yourself, turning back to face Hisirdoux who was already looking at you forlorn. He snapped out of it the second he noticed you had turned back to face him though and you swore you could see a blush on his face. Jogging up to him you spoke with unbelievable confidence “I don’t know what I’ll do if I never see you again, so I’m going to have to ask for your number Douxie.”

Hisirdoux was both impressed and flustered by your bold line resulting in him writing his number on your arm with an uncharacteristically shy giggle. All the while your friend stood in awe mere feet away.

“I’ll call you tonight Doux?” You half stated, half asked as you backed up towards your friend. Douxie simply nodded in response as you both waved goodbye.

The second the door closed after you and your friend returned to their flat, your confident façade evaporated and your friend started freaking out as quietly as they could allow themselves to. “OMG OMG OMG” They started, “who was that? They were so cute? You were flirting!” The cheesiest grin was on their face all the while.

“Hush you! His name is Hisirdoux…” You grumbled, ever so embarrassed by their reaction. However, they were clearly not satisfied with the information given to them so you continued “We met on the elevator, what was I supposed to do after he started talking to me, ignore him? Besides you saw how cute he is.” The last part was muttered under your breath but your friend still managed to hear and proceeded to freak again. Deciding to ignore them for the time being, you pulled out your phone and saved Douxie into your contacts debating whether or not to text him yet. Your internal debate ended when you heard “do it” from your friend in a surprisingly soft tone. Looking up, you saw a gentle smile on their face, encouraging you to suck it up and send the boy a text, it was a simple line, just to do the job. “Hey Douxie, this is Y/N, from the elevator :)”, The text was sent before you could begin overthinking. After just a few moments, a reply came through “Thanks for specifying, I might not have remembered had you not mentioned the elevator we only got out of 20 minutes ago ;)” His sarcasm was just as pleasantly irritating through text as it had been in person and all you sent in response was a “>:p”. You pictured him laughing at that and could do nothing to stop the smile that overtook your face. Your friend decided to leave you to your daydreams as they returned to playing whatever game they had on, as Hisirdoux and you managed to continue chatting for hours until it became quite late and your eyes were struggling to stay open. As you let out another long yawn you heard your friend call out, “all right you, pack it in, you need to get to sleep now, say goodnight and finish up already.” After yet another grumble of reluctant agreement, you started on your last text of the night “Ugghhh my friend said I have to go to sleep now so goodnight I guess Doux. Sweet dreams, loverboy <3” Your tired brain had no filter for what was off bounds to say for having just met and you didn't think twice about sending a heart emoji before tucking yourself under the covers and closing your eyes, almost immediately zonking out. One last text came through, though you wouldn’t see it until morning, wishing you pleasant dreams as well, although Hisirdoux ended his message with ‘angel’, liking the name loverboy for himself.

#hisirdoux casperan #hisirdoux x reader #hisirdoux #toa hisirdoux #x reader #tales of arcadia #douxie #douxie x reader #hisirdoux casperan x reader #tales of arcadia x reader #toa fanfic

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mightyhemsworthy · 4 years

Text

SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS (John Wick X Reader)

("TEACHER" X STUDENT COLLEGE AU)

Pairing: John Wick x Reader (AU - ish?)

Summary: John Wick lives a different life before his "retirement". He becomes a sort of vigilante, who is taking out the bad guys. His next goal is to catch a drug dealer who mainly distributes in Y/N's college. However, after meeting Y/N, not only Y/N's life turn upside down but also John's.

Word count: 8281

Warnings: ugh, so many. But it's John Wick, so... blood, swearing, college, anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness, shyness, angst, slow-burn, age gap, smut, DIRTY SMUT, fluff.

ALSO, IM NOT A NATIVE SPEAKER OF ENGLISH SO PLEASE FORGIVE MY MISTAKES!

Author’s note: GUYS!! I've found this fanfic deep down in my-never-posted-writings and I was re-reading it when I thought, this is just utter shit, let me post that (lol), I hate myself. 😂 I was cringing at some part, but I managed to write them over, so it is a little bit bearable. I don't know if you'll like it, but I hope you do. I wanted to post something to cheer you up in this hard time. I wish the best for all of you. ♥️ The inspiration came from some many places, but mostly from "calling teachers by their first name" videos. You'll see why I got the idea from it... After that, I've given some thought about "fake" teacher John and gosh... let me tell you, it got me hot and bothered. Also inspired by 21/22 Jump Street. Please, please, leave some feedback.

P.S.: Sadly, I don't know any Italian, so thank you for Google Translation for "sponsoring" this fic lmao.

This was your very last year of college. More specifically, your last semester. Thank God. You could not be happier as you thought about it. Even though you enjoyed studying, you were overwhelmed with your lectures as you were a maximalist and wanted to give 100% in everything. You enjoyed learning and finding new topics but the assignments, the presentations, and the exams stressed you out incredibly. You did not apply for any further study at least at the moment as you wanted to rest a little bit and work somewhere till you find out what you really wanted to achieve in life.

The first week went by quite easily, as the teachers mostly talked about the syllabus and what you can expect from the rest of the semester. Thankfully, everyone seemed kind of nice except your Italian teacher and his lesson, which you took up as an optional course in the first place since you wanted to earn some extra credits. Now, it seemed like a bad decision. The teacher was old, who did not enjoy his teaching at all. It was difficult to follow and boring, not to mention that he continually talked in Italian even though it was a beginner's course. When the others tried to tell him, he became mad and gave out even more assignments for next week.

So now, that you were sitting in class and waited for him the nervousness which you felt was understandable. You were chatting with one of your classmates who sat behind you. You could not say that you had any friends. You were mostly alone in your whole life, which sometimes was a curse, while other times it was a blessing. You opened up for so many people who disappointed you and let you down that this was the safest way of living your life now. Just talk to someone if necessary, otherwise living your life as you wish. Sometimes it was really depressing as there was basically no one to talk to, you could not share any interest with someone, not your desires, your goals, nothing. Even when you did, you became the focus of mockery.

Suddenly everyone became silent as most certainly, the teacher approached into the room. However, when you turned around your last week's grumpy teacher was nowhere to be found, instead of him, you meet with a totally different man. You looked straight him into the eye as you took up his presence. He was tall, he had a skinny physique but you could certainly see that he was muscular, even though the black shirt and jeans he wore covered his entire body. He had dark, semi-long hair which was slicked back, while he also had dark stubble, which was framing his face aesthetically. Now, his dark brown eyes laid on you and it was like it burned a hole into your soul. He had some characteristic which you could not explain, but you were sure that he was attractive. Very much. And exactly your type. Not to mention that he was older than you, around his mid-30s - early 40s, which you thought was the perfect age as you were always fond of older men.

"Uhm... hey everyone" he started as he finally looked away from you to gaze at the others as well. His voice sent shivers down your spine. It was deep and husky. "I'm John Wick and I'll substitute your last teacher, who became ill. He will turn up as soon as he feels like it, but we don't know when that will happen," he stated. Maybe, the previous teacher would have been better. Now, it will be really hard to focus and now you wanted to study even more just to impress him, which is sounded insane. You immediately started to curse yourself in your head because what you did was completely silly.

"I'm not by any means an Italian teacher, but I'm fluent in Italian, as I've lived in Italy and since this is a beginner's and optional course I thought I will be just as good for this short time as Y/LT/N would have been." as he finished he clapped his palms together, facing towards the desk which now became his. "Firstly, let's start with an introduction and what your goals are, and from that on we can move with the rest of the lecture," he said and turned and pointed towards you. This gesture was unexpected for you and you immediately felt that your cheeks burned up as you tried to collect yourself. You were a great student but you were dealing with anxiety when you had to speak in front of others. Your mind and desires were totally different that you could actually manage out from yourself, and this was true in every situation.

"Uhm..." you started as you cleared your throat. "I'm Y/N and I'm a final year student here. To be honest, I don't really have many goals at the moment, because..." the way he was looking at you completely took your breath away. It was like he sees all of your secrets. "...I want to take a little bit of break from studying after I've finished. I want to work somewhere, see the word. Just those cliché things that usually everyone says." he started to chuckle and honestly, it was the best thing ever.

"Thank you, Y/N" the way your name rolled out of his tongue was beautiful. "I hope everything turns out great for you and one day you even get to Italy as well." he smiled and turned to the next person, so the magic moment you felt completely disappeared within a second. He was just nice. With everyone. He listened to everyone's word with actual interest and wished something friendly before turning to the next person. How could you think that he sees something different in you?

The course actually ended sooner than you would expect, the time flew with him. He gave you a short assignment for next week, collecting all those things you would like to talk about in Italian. On your way out you glazed at him once more, however, his eyes were glued to the paper in front of him. You left out a soft sigh as you left the room.

This was the first time in your college years that you really waited for a lecture but at the same time, you also dreaded from it. You could not wait to meet John again or you could say Mr. Wick, but this just fueled your fantasy about him even more. You were sitting in the front row with your classmates, whom you talked about your new teacher. They were eagerly fond of him, but not as you did. Even though they find him attractive, he was just a teacher for them. However, for you, he started to become something else. You could feel something different from him and you thought that he should not be a teacher because it was just not his field. Not that he was a bad teacher or anything, but he was not that teacher type that you could imagine. You felt something which you could not explain. You were always a curious person, and this case was like a puzzle that needed to be solved.

"Buona sera a tutti! (Good evening, everyone!)" he greeted, his eyes lingering on you. You did not want to look away, so the two of your's gaze intertwined with each other for a few seconds. You managed to smile a little bit, but at that same time, he turned away. He was just as good looking as the last time, wearing a light grey t-shirt, regular jeans, and a leather jacket. How could he be this handsome?

"Okay, let's go through those things which you like to learn about, and then we can build the lecture from there." everyone nodded as he said it, preparing their notes on what they would be interested in learning in this course. Your eyes were glued on your paper, your head tilted down trying to avoid eye contact with him when you heard your name.

"Y/N" he stated. "Let's start with you just like last time." you were quite shocked. Nobody managed to remember their students' names in the first weeks. Hell, sometimes not even at the end of the semester either. You looked up at him, seeing his face focusing on you, slightly furrowing his eyebrows in concentration.

"Ordering food..." you breathed out and you started to blame yourself immediately.

"Ordering food in Italian in a restaurant?" he helped you out, stating as it was a declarative sentence, but he shifted the tone in the end. You were grateful for his help. You nodded and he returned a smile to ease your frustration. "Nice, good idea," he said. "Let's move on."

The first months of the semester went by rapidly. The first two weeks was just a warm-up, but after that assignments came after assignments as so did exams and such. You could not fantasize about Mr. Wick anymore in your free time as you were loaded with anxiety to finish every task just in time. However, you always waited for the class, even though your mind wandered somewhere else. Thankfully, about two weeks spring break will come.

"You can handle your assignments on your way out. That's the end of the class. Thank you everyone." he said and at that point, you realized that you completely forgot about your essay which you should have written for today. You thought that is due next week. Well, fuck. Basically, everyone handled in their assignment, as you approached John you became very nervous. You did not really know what to say.

"Jonathan" the words fell out of your lips without thinking. You realized that what you said was rude and you just tried to make the situation better, even though your teacher's expression did not change. "John... I mean Mr. Wick." you cursed yourself, trying to get out of the situation somehow.

"Yes, Y/N?" he asked, as he was looking down at you. He was so much taller than you, the way he looked consumed your whole being.

"I'm so sorry but I forgot to write my essay for this week. I thought it was due to next week. I'm sorry." you jabbered, looking at your feet to ease your nervousness.

"It's okay, Y/N," he said calmly. "You can handle it next week as well." when you looked up at him he was slightly smiling. That damn smirk made butterflies in your stomach, causing your heart rate to quicken.

"Really?" you asked back. "No punishments?" without thinking, the question just rolled out of your tongue.

He turned his head a little bit, trying to hide his ever-growing smile.

"Would you like to?" you started to blush at his deep voice, thinking about something inappropriate when he clearly was just talking about the assignment.

"No..." you answered. "Not for an essay, no." you just started to make everything worse. You wished that the ground would swallow you on the spot.

"Periodt then," he said to ease the tension a little bit. "Or whatever slang you use these days." You genuinely started to laugh, and it was really good after a long time. Nobody made you laugh these days and it was really nice to talk to someone besides listening to lectures all the time.

"Wow, I'm impressed" it was just absurd to hear this word from his mouth. But you really felt this way.

"My goal is accomplished than" was all he answered. Was he flirting with you? You just wished that. But the whole situation was just weird. Just the way you felt like before. He is not in the right place, something is off with him. You learned these few signals over the years just to protect yourself, still, something keeps attracted you to him.

"I'll try to write it as soon as I can and bring you in your office hours." you smiled shyly.

"It's okay, Y/N, don't worry about it" he smiled back and that smile made you go crazy. You turned your back to him to leave the room. You were standing in the door when you suddenly turned back towards him once again. He was still watching you.

"Thank you, Mr. Wick," you said, waiting for no answer when he said:

"You can call me Jonathan or John. Whichever you like." you were just standing there, completely in shock. This never happened to you before. None of your previous teachers of yours allowed to call them on their first name. To be honest, you did not even try but with John, it just slipped out. You did not know what to say so you just nodded, leaving him standing there watching after you.

The rest of the week was awful. You could not wait for the weekend when you could rest a little bit. You were extremely overwhelmed with work and it seemed that nothing wants to work out for you. It was Friday morning, thankfully you did not have any classes left so you finally could work on your assignment for Mr. Wick. You meant, Jonathan. Thinking about him and the way he said that you can call him on his first name made your heart beat faster. Since that day you could not stop thinking about him, which is why everything became harder than it should have been.

It was around 11 in the morning, but you already did a lot of work. You went to the store, then you cooked something for you for the weekend, you cleaned the house as well as doing the laundry. Your roommate was not home, as usual. Since she got that boyfriend of hers, they always spent the time together. At least, you were alone and nobody could bother you. You always did the house chores anyway, as she not usually cleaned up. After everything fallen from your hands and you basically had to clean up twice, the last task was taking out the trash. You somehow managed to take all of her and your trash into three bags. You were already on your way out when you realized that something from one of the bags was leaking. You started to become really angry and mad. At the edge of crying and breaking something, to say the least. You tried to hold back yourself together, taking a deep breath and hoping that the bag will hold on till you reached the bin in front of the street. As it was mentioned before, this was not your day.

Half of the stuff fallen on the ground just when you dumped the rest of it into the trash.

"FUCK" you cried out, hitting the top of the trash and also kicking into it to release those pressure which started to build up in you.

"Y/N" you heard a deep voice behind you. When you turned around you realized that John was there. Who probably watched the previous scene when you freaked out. What was he doing here? "You need any help?"

"Mr. Wick" you started but he interrupted you.

"John."

"Yes, John." you started. "This isn't my day. Could you please wait here as I get another bag?" you asked. You could just said that everything was fine and he could go on his day. But no. Because you did not want him to leave, even though you had no idea what was he doing here.

"Don't worry, I got some," he said while reaching for a plastic bag from his pockets. You lifted your eyebrow while he handed one to you as well as ripping one for himself. "I have a dog, so..." he said, while the two of you collected the rest of the trash. Well, this was not romantic at all. Your cheeks started to burn as you felt the situation kind of humiliating.

"What kind of dog you have?" you asked, trying to pick up the stuff as fast as you could.

"A blue English Staffordshire Bull Terrier" he breathed out when the two of you finally dumped away the rest of the trash.

"Oh, those are really nice dogs even though everyone seems to be afraid of them" you started the conversation and you could swear that his eyes lit up at your compliment.

"Oh, totally. They are super nice when they are raised well," he said smiling. "There are no bad dogs just bad owners." you just nodded, did not know what to say. A few seconds passed by just looking at each other, none of you said anything or moved.

"I should get..." he started, but at the same time, you started as well.

"Would you like a coffee or something in return?" you asked.

"Yeah, sure" he breathed but turned away from you to his car. Which you only realized just now. "Can I park here?" he asked as he gesticulated towards his Mustang. Your jaw just dropped.

"Wow. She's beautiful," you said coming closer to his car. You did not realize what you did until you actually did it. You reached out to touch the roof and at the same time approach John incredibly close. You just recognized that you did not answer his previous question. "And yes, I think you can park here but I'm not sure though."

He said nothing, just looking at you and monitoring every movement you made. He appreciated how your eyes were shining with excitement. Your fingertips which caressed his car so gently. Your hair, which slightly fallen into your face, framing it beautifully. You took his breath away.

"Would you like to try it out?" you did not really comprehend his question, as you were still focusing on his car. When the question finally hit you, you turned towards him with furrowed eyebrows.

"Is this allowed?" you asked. At this moment you wanted nothing more than him taking you out for a ride.

"Why wouldn't be allowed?" he asked back, kind of confused.

"Because you're my teacher." you simply answered back. At that moment you could swear that the smile frozen to his lips, like the reality hit him or something. Something was off. Just like you suspected before. "If you're a teacher at all," you added carefully.

"Who else would I be?" the confidence which was radiating from him started to slowly fade away. He was nervous, you could see that.

"I don't know, you just not seem to be a teacher type of guy." you started. "You don't look like it... and, surely, teachers cannot afford cars like this." you pointed towards his engine. In that second, he moved closer to you, which is why the air stuck in your throat. You looked up at him, his eyes were dark with some emotion which you could not read. You have not seen this side of him yet.

"Maybe, I got it as a gift" his voice comes through your fast heartbeat which was throbbing in your ear.

"I doubt it" you had no idea where this bravery was coming from, even you were surprised. Before he could manage to say something his phone started to ring. He pulled away from you to answer it.

"I'll be there," he said shortly, hanging up the phone. "Sorry, Y/N. I have to go." he was fast. Before you could realize he already got into his car. "Maybe next time," he added, and before you could realize he was already on his way leaving you on the sidewalk alone.

The next time you meet him was after his Italian class. You did not attend class, but you managed to arrive at the end of the session to give your essay to him. He was looking good as always, wearing dark clothes highlighting every muscle on his bare skin which was not covered.

"I'm sorry John that I couldn't come for today's class, but I had some family issues" you breathed out which was kind of true. You had family issues, anxiety issues, university issues, and just issues of issues. On top of that, you got a lot of anxiety attacks lately, which did not help you at all. Your hands were shaking as you handed your essay to him. "I know I said that I can manage to finish earlier but I couldn't," you added and he did not say a word. He did not even look at you as he took away the essay. You were heartbroken.

As he did not say anything else you just left the room completely taken aback, trying to suppress the tears which you could feel that going to burst out. When you arrived in the hallway, it was harder and harder to suppress it. You quickly went to the bathroom and when you closed the door behind you everything just came out. All of those tensions were building inside up you. Those feelings which constantly taken up your mind. That you're never good enough, that you have no one to rely on, not even a friend, not family. Nobody. You had nothing and no one. Besides that, you were constantly under stress because of the university. You wanted to perform as the best version of yourself, but you just could not hold back anymore.

After the tears came out and your breathing became a little bit better you went to the basin to wash your face with cold water and to make yourself a little bit more presentable as you still had class. You took a deep breath and got out to the next lesson. Everyone was waiting at the door as the room was not open yet. At this moment, one of your classmates who was kind of nice to you touched your arm.

"Hey, Y/N" she started. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Even though you appreciated her question, you did not know what to say.

"Yeah, sure. Why?" you lied, but it was enough for her to completely change the topic.

"Will you come to the party next week?"

"I don't know" you started. "I haven't really thought about it." as soon as you finished one of the other classmates of yours spoken up.

"She doesn't know because he is waiting for John. I mean, Mr. Wick," he said, bursting out into laughter. You did not know how he found out but your cheeks started to burn up.

"What did you just say?" you asked back, almost shouting at him when you heard the others whispering.

"Oh shit, here he comes," said one of them. When you turned back John was standing next to you. You were sure that he heard the whole conversation. When he looked at you his eyes stuck at your red ones. You were sure that he knew that you were crying. Even though the cold water helped, you still looked like a mess.

"Is there a problem?" he asked using his deep, "discipline" teacher voice. His voice was dangerously low, which sent a shiver down your spine and a feeling to your core which you tried not to think about.

"Not at all" smiled back the douchebag who started everything in the first place. John lightly grabbed your arm, turning his whole body towards you.

"Y/N, can we talk?" he whispered, but the others still managed to figure out the situation. As you answered, they started to chuckle, but at that point, you could not care less as John guided towards his office.

When there were just the two of you, he looked at you with concern on his face.

"Is everything all right, Y/N?" he asked but you just could not look at him. Your eyes were fixated on your shoes. Why would he care? He did not even look at you half an hour ago. You did not answer. You did not know what to say. He was your teacher. You could not tell him your problems even though you wanted to. "Y/N?" he asked again.

This time you looked up at him. His arms were crossed in front of his chest, waiting for your answer.

"I'm fine, thank you, Mr. Wick" you stressed his last name. A sudden expression went through his face which you could not read. "Why would you care, you're just a teacher anyway," you said without thinking of the consequences as you stormed out of his office.

The last week before spring break went quite quickly even though you felt like a zombie. You did not attend your class with John, even though you desperately wanted to. You just skipped that class, while you were attending the others. You were hiding in the hallway, trying to avoid anyone. Just arriving at the beginning of the course and coming out as soon as you could. In this way, you could survive university. Now, thankfully you had a free week when you could charge up your battery and just rest a little. Your mind wandered at the party which your classmate mentioned to you, wondering if John would be there. A few teachers had to be there, because it was a university party and they were still responsible for you somehow.

You really wanted to go. To dance, to drink and to forget all of your problems.

That is why you were standing in front of your mirror trying to soothe imaginary creases on your black dress. You kept finding mistakes on yourself, about your makeup, about your hair. But at the same time, you kept reminding yourself that this is just a party and the main goal is that you should enjoy the night without constantly thinking bullshit about yourself.

This is what you kept saying in your head on your way to the party. The place was already buzzing with music and people's voices, radiating a certain kind of heat as well. As you step inside, you were already washed away by the crowd, seeing people who you never saw before.

As you looked around you saw a giant plaque that said that it was a retro vs. modern age night. All night, songs from the 80/90s were played, after that came a piece of current music and the whole mass went insane. Everybody moved as a whole in perfect sync swaying to the rhythm of the music. Sadly, you could see that a lot of people were high and drunk, which you could never do, but you still wanted to dance. You just started to move your body alone, when your all-time a favorite song started to play from the speakers.

Sweet dreams are made of this

Who am I to disagree?

I travel the world

And the seven seas,

Everybody's looking for something

At that point, your eyes stuck at a dark figure which you could recognize even in your dreams. John Wick was standing there, looking at you. He was wearing a full black suit with his hair slicked back. You were constantly gazing at him. Even though you wanted him to be here the whole situation was absurd and unbelievable. However, he still managed to surprise you all the time.

Some of them want to use you

Some of them want to get used by you

Some of them want to abuse you

Some of them want to be abused.

Looking at him and listening to these lines hit you. Hit you really hard. As you looked at him, all of your desires and hidden fantasies started to take over your body. Your nasty hidden feelings. All of those things which you could never share with anyone. You wanted to be used, you wanted to be abused. But you wanted these in a good way. You wanted this as a thing, where the two of you want this not just you. You wanted to be safe, you wanted to feel appreciated, you wanted to feel special, you wanted to be WANTED. You wanted a man, who makes you feel things you never felt before. Who does things to you and touches you like you never experienced before. Maybe, just the daddy issues were speaking from you but looking at John you could feel that he could fulfill all of your wishes and desires. Not to mention that he would be there for you as a friend, as a lover, even as a soulmate. And as someone, who just genuinely cares about you. At least, you hoped so. But it could never happen because he was just a teacher and you were just a silly student.

However, the way he was looking at you consumed your whole being. You did not know what happened to you but you started to sensually move your hips, turning your back to him to kind of show him what he can get.

After a few seconds, you felt a muscular, hard chest pushing against your body.

"Mind if I join?" a deep voice asked and you could recognize this tone everywhere. You did not even answer as you did not have to. You just turned back towards him, getting as close as possible. He was even more handsome up close, taking your breath away.

"Is this allowed?" you shouted, but it sounded like a whisper in the crowd.

He pulled you closer to him, resting his hands on your waist and tilting his head down to bury his face into your hair.

"I don't even care anymore" he answered, his breath caressing your ear as well as the side of your neck. This sent a shiver down your spine, causing your thighs to rub together to ease the sensation which was building in your core deep down. He could feel that your body tense up between his palms, but he kept you steady with his strong and firm hands.

"What does that mean?" he looked up at you, with some expression on your face which you could not read. He wanted to tell you something, you could see that but something changed as he looked at your side.

"Stay here," he said and suddenly his touch disappeared causing you to shiver as he was not there anymore.

You could barely react, but you still managed to see where he went to. Without thinking, you started to follow him.

You looked at him everywhere when you find him outside the field of the campus. To be honest, you could barely see him but you could hear him grunting and... fighting? He was the last man standing with someone else, besides them, there were laying bodies. You could never dream of being a situation like this. You did not know what to do. You were completely frozen and could not move. Your panic started to take over your mind and you could barely manage your breathing.

"John" suddenly you cried out. He immediately looked at you, which the opponent took as a chance and hit him right in the gut. He sunk into his knees, while the other man started to approach you.

"Y/N run," he said but you could not even lift your finger. You could see as the other man was getting closer and closer to you when John grabbed him from behind and started to choke him. The other man started to run out of the air and suddenly collapsed into John's arms. John did not even think twice, he dropped the enemy onto the ground. Before you could realize, John grabbed your arm, dragging you across the field into the parking lot where you saw his car.

"Get in the car!" he ushered you, but you could barely move. You were completely frozen which was insane thinking that your body was on fire just a few minutes ago.

"Why?" you managed to push this word out of you when he started to yell.

"Get in the fucking car!" he said and that predatory look on his face with some bruises and blood made him look like a totally different person. You got in the car, slowly breathing out that air that you did not know you were holding. He started the engine and drive at a very high speed toward somewhere which you could not recognize.

"Where are you taking me?" your throat was dry. It was hard to speak, but this was the only sentence which you dared to ask after minutes.

"Home. To me," he answered shortly.

"Why?" you whispered but he could hear it. After minutes, you finally looked at him. He was holding the wheel so damn strong that his knuckles went white. He was angry, you could see that. His whole expression changed as he was not looking at you, just fixating his eyes on the road.

"Because you fucking messed up your goddamn life" to hear him swearing made you sense that you are truly in deep trouble.

"What did I do?" you asked softly and suddenly all of his muscles started to loosen up at your tone.

"I was taking out a gang when you just showed up, risking your whole life just to look after me." he started.

"So you..." you started softly as you could feel that the ice between the two of you started to melt. "You're not a teacher." was all you managed to say.

"God no," he answered, and before you could realize you started to laugh. It came from the bottom of your heart. He looked at you the first time, furrowing his brows. "It's not funny, Y/N.," he said and before you could stop yourself the following words just slip out of your mouth:

"Thank God, 'cause ever since I saw you I've kept telling myself that I can't fall for a teacher" as soon as you said it your cheek started to burn. He looked at you with piercing eyes.

"I'm not a teacher, but I'm way worse," he said in a dangerously low voice. And thinking back to those guys around him finally hit you.

"Who are you?" you whispered. He looked back at the road as he could not bear to see your expression when he told you the truth.

"I'm a ..." he started, but he did not want to say assassin. Because that was just too much the handle. "I'm the one who takes out the bad guys." you nodded, did not know what to do with this information. You have always known that there is something wrong with him, but you could not explain why. Now, this was the reason and you wished that you did not know. Still, you fell for him even more.

"Did you kill them?" you asked.

"No." he answered back. "I didn't have my gun." suddenly you felt that breathing becomes heavier.

"Have you killed someone?" you barely dared to ask this question but the heavy silence which felt on you told more than words.

You did not say a word until he finally stopped at his garage. His house was beautiful, so big that it was unbelievable that it only belonged to him.

"Wow..." you whispered and he smiled.

"Y/N" he started and you turned towards him. "I'm sorry that I disappointed you. I just wanted to protect you. You'll stay here until I finish this business and make sure that no one harms you. After that, you're free to go." you did not know what to say. You wanted to say something, but you could not. Your mind wandered somewhere else, constantly thinking about what the two of you talked about in the car. You told him about your feelings and he did not even say anything. "I have a room for you here," he said and ushered you to a room, leaving you alone.

You could barely get some sleep. Your mind was constantly thinking about John and his life. How dangerously he lived and how he managed to keep his camouflage at the university. Honestly, you even cried that night as well. You did not know what to do and how to react, even though you wanted him. Your mind could not be silenced after you saw him in action and what he did you still thought about his arms, his hands, and his body as he pulled you closer to him at the party. Not to mention that you felt his goddamn intoxicating perfume in his whole house as well as in the sheets.

After being up all evening, you woke up late in the afternoon. It was already 5 when you looked at the clock on the nightstand on your left. You left out a sigh, focusing on sounds. But you could not hear any. You slowly got up and opened to the door.

“John?” you cried out but no answers came. Instead of that, you heard something which was running towards you. Then you saw John’s dog. “Oh my God, you’re so cute” you kneeled to the ground to pet the dog which was in its early months. It was still small, but you could see the strong, robust figure which started to form underneath its skin. “Where were you last night?” you asked as if the dog could answer you. However, after petting and talking to it all of your stress and doubts left the mind.

You went to the kitchen, where on the counter you found a note. It was written by John and he had beautiful handwriting.

“Make yourself at home.” was all it said. Straightforward. Just like John.

After taking a shower and finding a long t-shirt in John’s wardrobe you finally sat down onto the sofa when the front door opened. John came in, the dog immediately cheered him licking and panting all over him. You watched the scene with a smile on your face. After John returned the same excitement as the dog, he finally looked at you. You were wearing one of his t-shirts. And that was it.

“What are you wearing?” he demanded. You stood up immediately, trying to explain yourself.

“You said that make yourself at home, so I’ve showered and searched for something to wear because the dress was really uncomfortable,” you said quickly. John left out a soft “oh” as he could have thought about this in the first place. Even though he did not want to admit, but he really liked the way it looked on you.

“Everything is clear now,” he stated simply. “I’m taking you home. Are you ready?” he asked and you were just standing there as if your legs got stuck into the ground.

“You don’t want to talk about it?” you started carefully, hinting to your previous unfinished conversation last night as well how he “cleared everything up”.

“No.” was all he said which felt like ripping and turning up your insides. You just nodded, turning away to suppress all of your emotions. That’s it. All of your fantasies about this man ended. He did not want to do anything with you. This was just business after all. And he finished it.

“I’m grabbing my stuff” you whispered, your throat was dry you could barely speak.

After collecting your dress and purse you were standing in front of him again. “Take me home,” you said firmly when his form started to loosen up.

“Y/N” he followed you as you were heading into the garage. His beautiful car was there, standing next to another one.

“Just take me home.” was all you said before he grabbed your wrist, pulling back to him and pushing his lips against yours. The kiss was not a soft one. It was passionate and hard. It took a few milliseconds to react, but gosh… it was desperate. From the two of you. Teeth clicked, tongues rolled against each other as the two of you started to express which words could not. He was cupping one of your cheeks, pushing you closer to him as much as he could. Your hands started to explore his body, caressing the soft material of his suit. You could feel as he started to harden beneath your touch, basically… everywhere. Just like in a second, which made you even more insane. He wanted you so much, he could barely hold himself back. He was rucking up your shirt with his other hand, grabbing your waist strongly which sent goosebumps all over your body. His touch was just like you imagined. No… it was even better. It took a side of you which you did not even know you had.

You could feel that you started to wet your panties even though he did not even touch you there yet. He was now kissing you a little bit softer but still passionately, sucking your bottom lip into his mouth. You started to moan as it did whole new sensations to your body which you never experienced before. He lifted you up from the ground before you could realize, to make you sit on the hood of his car. At that exact moment, you hooked your legs around his legs, pulling him closer to you. It was insane how the two of you moved in sync. It was like a perfect dance and choreography, even though you have not done this before to the other. But still, it was like you found a long lost piece from yourself. And he felt the same. The two of you did not stop kissing until his hands reached up to your neck, softly squeezing it to make out a moan from you which you could not even stop. John immediately stopped looking at you with concern on his face.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked softly looking at your neck if he caused any injuries. He did not even know what he has done until you moaned.

“Gosh no,” you started to laugh and blush. “It just… felt really good.” his eyes lit up with lust. It became even darker than it already was. He was looking at you, constantly holding his gaze when he reached again to your neck. He squeezed it a little bit harder this time, but it was even better. Your eyes rolled back as your core started to throb with desire.

“Fuck, Y/N” he breathed at the sight. “You’re making me insane.” was all he said before sinking to his knees. He pulled you closer to him, making you lay on the edge of his car. He looked so good kneeling between your thighs. And he looked even better when he started to stroke your clit through your underwear. He sharply sucked the air just by the sight of it.

You were laying on his car in your black lace panties. This was even better than he could ever dream for. He was holding himself back, but he was about to burst out.

“You look so good,” he said as he pushed your panties to the side to insert one finger slowly into you. You laid back all the way on his car as he started to finger your inside with one hand and your clit with his other one. You bite your lip to hold your moans back, but it was a really difficult thing to do. As he was so freaking good with his hand. You could barely hold yourself back when suddenly he pulled his finger out of you. Before you could realize, your panties were on the floor, and John grabbed your thighs to draw you closer to him. Now, he used his tongue instead of his fingers to play with your wetness, causing you to arch your back pushing your backside closer to his face. He grabbed your ass firmly with his hands, he wanted to control and drive you insane. He could not let you chase for your own pleasure. He wanted to make your pleasure. He wanted to make you lose your mind. He wanted you to scream his name.

He was flicking his tongue, constantly changing position between your clit and inside thing, delving his tongue deeper and deeper. You were moaning, making sounds, saying his name with some curse words as well. You were right. He truly made you feel things that you never felt before.

Suddenly, your most intense orgasm ever washed over you out of nothing, clenching all over John’s hands and tongue as he was still fucking you mercilessly with it to help over your after wave. Your hands were still grabbing his hair, rocking your hips against his face.

“Jonathan,” you said after a few seconds when he stood up, looking at you laying on his car finally satisfied. You sit up to push a soft kiss against his lips, which on you could feel your juices. Which caused you to be even hornier. As it was possible.

“I love when you say my name” he chuckled which made your stomach flop from happiness. “That is why I can’t wait to hear you screaming it,” he added with a dangerously low voice.

“Can I ask you something, Jonathan?” you said carefully, pulling him closer to you.

“Anything, doll” he answered.

“Then, fuck me” you whispered shyly. You did not know where this bravery was from, but John truly made you feel things that you never felt before.

“You don’t even have to ask,” he said as you started to undress him. His expensive suit and tie dropped onto the floor and the same time he removed the t-shirt and bra which you were still wearing as well.

He took your whole body in and admired every sight of it.

“You’re beautiful,” he said before pressing another urgent kiss to your lips. He grabbed your hair, making you moan into his mouth at how good all of this felt. At that exact moment, he thrust into you and your whole world rocked. He stretched you all the way up, cause you to cry out his name louder than you anticipated.

“Tell me if it hurts” he added and you couldn’t form a single word because the pleasure mixed with all the pain, caused to build your second orgasm and he was restlessly fucking you. You were a moaning mess, so is he. He was grunting and cursing as the two of you started to reach climax.

“Ah, fuck-“you cried out as your walls started to clench. “Let me cum, Mr. Wick” you added and you could actually feel that Jonathan is twitching inside of you. He suddenly stopped and grabbed your neck, ushering you to look at him.

“Say that again,” he demanded.

“Which part?” you asked shyly, thinking that it was a mistake and you’ve ruined everything.

“All of it.”

“Let me cum, Mr. Wick,” you looked straight into his eyes when you said it. The fact that you’re biting your bottom lip didn’t help him at all.

“Gosh…” he huffed and continued to mercilessly pound into you, deeper and deeper each time. You were overwhelmed with the new sensations and your whole-body shake, when the second, but most intense orgasm of the night hit you. John was approaching his own climax as well, every thrust of his became a little bit sloppier and out of pace. He kissed you so softly, when he reached his own pleasure, moaning into your mouth which sent a vibration down to your body. You tensed your legs around his waist, taking him in more while lying down on the top of his car.

“I’m sorry we made a mess,” you whispered and he started to chuckle.

“Don’t worry about that, especially that we’re only getting started,” he said in a dangerously low voice. And oh boy, he was right…

This is it. It was the end of suffering. End of your university years. As for now. You couldn’t be happier as you’ve left the building and saw a beautiful mustang parked on the driveway. It was from John Wick. You were quite surprised as he said that he has to leave the town for some… business. You didn’t expect him to be back this soon. Now, you’re smile grew even bigger.

“Here is my graduated girl,” he smiled at you and pressed a soft, loving kiss to your lips when you got next to him. You gave him a half-hug in this position, laughing into his shoulders.

“I did it.”

“Yes, you did,” he said, looking straight into your eyes now. He took out an envelope from his jacket. “I brought you this,” he said softly, and you were surprised.

“John, you shouldn’t…” but he cut you off.

“Just open it!” and you did. You carefully ripped off the edges taking out two flight tickets to Italy. Tears started to gather in your eyes.

“John…” you started but you didn’t even know how to begin. He also became emotional, as he looked at you.

“At our first Italian class, you’ve said that you want to see the world. I hope this will be a good start.” you didn’t know how you got a man like John, but it was more than you deserved.

“I love you, John,” you breathed out and this was the first time you’ve actually said this. He looked at you and his whole expression changed, suddenly his body tensed up. You suddenly became afraid that you said something wrong. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe…

“I love you too, Y/N,” he said finally and he pressed a kiss into your lips which told more than words. This was just the beginning. The very beginning of your life and also the adventure, which you continued with John Wick till the very end.

#john wick x reader #john wick x you #john wick x y/n #john wick imagine #john wick fanfic #john wick oneshot #keanu reeves x reader #my writings #my writing #mightyhemsworthy

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likealightsw1tch · 3 years

Note

12. Tell the author your favorite fic title of theirs (not the fic, strictly title). Author: what’s your favorite title you’ve come up with and why? [ONE DAY ONE ROOM BECAUSE I SING ONE DAY ONE ROOM I WAS REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY SAD EVERY TIME I SEE IT IN MY FEED, AND ALSO I LOVE ITS ACRONYM]

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from?

12) LOL Well, I’m a bit of a cheater when it comes to titles, because I end up taking most of them from pieces of various media, be it songs, TV episodes, movies, etc. Still, I like the way some of them just fit the story so accurately. One Day, One Room being the best example of that last part.

Though, I’ll give myself a lil nod to “Blue Tie Affair” aka my first smut attempt ever.

30) “The hotel room was lit only by a hazy flicker of blue light that glowed off the television, giving a surrealistic edge to an already dreamlike scene: the two of them here, together, side by side on a hotel bed like they had done a dozen times before, in rooms that looked everything and nothing like this one. The two of them were propped on their sides so that they faced each other, a mirrored imitation of every night they’d stayed up talking until sunrise, studying or pretending to, all cold fries and stolen glances and the out-of-control feeling of falling in love.

It was just like one of their sacred Friday nights, except in every distinct way that it wasn’t.”

32) (doing snippets instead of single sentences, this was genuinely the hardest ive ever thought over a question lmao)

Sing to Me Instead:

- “He watched the splash with a numb echo of satisfaction and kept his eyes glued to the object as the water slowly pulled it under, bubbling at the surface before disappearing it altogether. He stood in a trance as the water settled, eyes locked on where the book had been just moments before, and felt a pang of longing. Envy. There was something so alluring about the sight before him; so much that he suddenly found himself wishing it was him being enveloped by the black waters instead. Sinking and sinking and sinking until he was gone.”

The Longest Night of Rain

- “Save him,” he begged, his words muffled as the duvet buried his face. He was openly groveling before a god with a merciless track record of leaving him abandoned. The desperation, the helplessness that consumed him in that moment, coursing through his body... it terrified him. Brought him back to all the times before when he felt himself succumbing to the same fear. The powerlessness. All the times he prayed for God to take away his impure thoughts. The night he spent bent over a table preparing for death and all the subsequent nights of begging for peace. The desperate plea of a scared young man who felt his foundation giving way beneath him. Time and again, his prayers had fallen upon deaf ears.

But Kevin was willing to forgive it all. He would find it in his heart to relinquish every ounce of bitterness, of resentment at being sent unarmed into battle against his demons, if God could grant this one, just this one act of mercy.

“Please. Just let him live.”

One Day, One Room

- “The thump of the bass was so heavy it reverberated through Kevin’s ribcage, burying itself into his bones, his body, making his heart beat in time with the music like it was a part of him. A red light pulsed from the ceiling, feeding him dreamlike glimpses of the room around him; a sea of sweaty bodies through a hazy, neon glow. Drinks raised and spilling over tangles of uncaring limbs. The borrowed, black t-shirt clung to his sweaty skin until it cut off right above his navel, all prior feelings of self-consciousness over his exposed midriff washed away in the alcohol coursing through his system.

Warm hands found his waist from behind, and a pair of familiar, chapped lips dragged over his neck. Kevin let his head fall back heavy against a solid shoulder, and arms wound around him, pulling him back, hips and legs and bodies pressed and moving together. A jovial laugh bubbled out of Kevin without his permission because it all just felt so fucking good.

He felt alive.”

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woulddieforperrytheplatypus · 3 years

Note

Perry being relocated is sad, but it could lead to some bonding moments between Phineas and Heinz should they interact again. Phineas tells Heinz that it really started to sink in that he shouldn't have thrown away the pamphlet; if he had actually heard Perry out, maybe they could've kept the whole thing a secret from OWCA. Heinz comforts him and tells him it's not his fault; in hindsight, he shouldn't have roped some random kids into his scheme, but Phineas tells him it's not his fault either.

in reference to this post

WAIT THAT’S ACTUALLY SO CUTE??? oh man do I have Some Ideas™ for this

First of all, I have a feeling they’d all kinda stay away from each other for a while. I think Phineas would just be too sad to see anyone, and he’d rather spend his time moping with Ferb. Heinz wouldn’t even know where to find them anyway, but he’d probably want to stay away from them because he’d just feel really fucking guilty. I mean, it was Heinz that built the other-dimensionator. It was Heinz that let them come with him. There is no way he wouldn’t feel solely responsible not just for himself losing his nemesis, but these kids losing their pet, and that’s not even getting into the guilt I’m sure he’d feel over letting his doppelganger attempt to have them yeeted across the room or fed to the goozim (until, of course, he was also sentenced to a game of Poke the Goozim With A Stick).

But after a few days of moping around the penthouse and attempting to build things that he gives up on halfway through, there’s a knock on the door. His first thought is that it must be his weekend with Vanessa (already? how did that happen?) and he’s like :/ because he has to explain to her that he accidentally had Perry relocated literally just hours after finding out that the guy had a whole family that he never even knew about. But then he opens the door and it’s Phineas standing there, and heinz.exe stops working for a few seconds because why is this child standing outside his penthouse?

And Phineas has obviously been crying but he’s not right now, and he just looks up at Heinz with the saddest puppy dog eyes and asks, “Can I come in?” and there’s absolutely no way Heinz can say no to him,

Now, Heinz is obviously very confused because there’s really no reason for this kid not to hate his guts, so he has to ask what tf Phineas is doing here. Phineas just kinda shrugs and sniffles real quick, and Heinz has read Perry’s body language enough that he can kind of tell what people are thinking even if they won’t say it, so he sighs and just says something like, “You miss him, too, huh?” and Phineas nods and then starts fucking sobbing, and poor Heinz hasn’t had t comfort a crying child in years, so he has no idea what to do.

So Heinz gestures to the couch, and he’s like, “... you wanna sit?” and Phineas just looks at it for a second and Heinz quickly adds, “it’s not the same one he peed on,” and Phineas doesn’t stop crying but he does crack a smile before he sits down. Heinz sits down, too, and he asks why Phineas is there again, because while his new couch is very comfortable -- perks of not buying new inator parts and new doors every day; he could afford a very luxurious couch -- he is decently sure Phineas did not come here to try out his couch.

And Phineas takes a minute to compose himself, and then he says something like, “I was just starting to get to know this other side of him, and now he’s gone” except like phrased so it’s sadder idk it’s hard to write dialogue if I’m not actually writing something in fanfic form lmao.

Heinz just kinda nods because he doesn’t necessarily relate -- sure, finding out Perry had a family was surprising, but the difference between Agent P with his family and the Perry the Platypus that Heinz knows isn’t anywhere near as stark as the difference between Agent P and the Perry that Heinz can sort of picture at home -- he does relate to wishing he had had the time to learn more about him before he had to leave.

Then Phineas asks, “What was he like?” and it all kinda falls into place. He came here to get to know the side of Perry that he didn’t really get to see; the side that Heinz knows better than anyone, because he’s seen both the friend and foe aspects (often on the same day, when they’d go hang out after work). So Heinz starts talking and talking and talking, and it’s oddly comforting because this is what he used to do with Perry the Platypus and he hasn’t really gotten to monologue since Perry left and he’d forgotten how therapeutic it was. It’s not the same, obviously, but seeing Phineas’s reactions to his stories is heartwarming in a different way.

And then maybe Phineas apologizes, and Heinz is like ??? because if anyone should be apologizing, it should be him -- and he was getting there; he was just a little wrapped up in happier times -- and Phineas explains the whole thing with the pamphlet and the fact that he basically ignored everything Perry tried to tell him (and he doesn’t say it, but hearing Heinz talk about Perry and what he thought and what he felt just makes it worse because it means Heinz (his nemesis!!!) was willing to listen to him and he wasn’t). And Heinz is like “Dude, literally shut the fuck up because this was all my bad” (but, you know, not like that) and they talk about that for a lil bit and Heinz finally says, “You know what? We both messed this up equally. We can share the blame, how ‘bout that?” and again, Phineas doesn’t say it, but that makes him feel better, too, because everyone else has been telling him to stop blaming himself. Even Ferb said it, as if Ferb wasn’t completely level-headed the entire time. If Perry had handed Ferb the pamphlet, he would have read it and he would have figured out what Perry was getting at, and then Phineas wouldn’t have wasted so much of their last few hours together just being angry at him. This is the first time someone has been real with him about it, and it means a lot.

And that, my friends, is the story of the newly-formed unbreakable bond between Phineas Flynn and Heinz Doofenshmirtz :,)

I have a sneaking suspicion that part of the reason you sent this was that you know that I’m a complete sucker for a good Phineas/Heinz (non-romantic) relationship, but I have to admit, the more I think about this, the more I feel like this would work out better with Heinz and Ferb. I know that’s probably really weird from someone who’s literally written a whole tumblr essay about how Phineas and Heinz are basically the same person (casual promo is casual), but I was actually just talking to revenblue on ao3 the other day (I would tag his tumblr instead but a) I don’t want him to feel compelled to read all my bullshit and b) I want to bless any Perryshmirtz fans out there who may not have read his fics yet because he is The Perryshmirtz Writer™) about how Heinz would get along with the boys, and I realized that Ferb and Heinz would actually get along really well in a different sense?

The charm of Phineas and Heinz’s potential friendship has always been that it would be someone to excitedly talk to about building and inventing and that they’d connect through excited conversations that they can’t have with anyone else. Sure, Phineas can talk to Ferb about it and Heinz can talk to Perry about it, but neither of them talk back very much, so putting two excitable blabbermouths together would be fantastic.

But Heinz and Ferb would get along really well because Heinz would actually listen to him. He’s so used to hanging out with Perry that he can pick up on silent cues with no problem -- something that would be really useful when hanging out with a mostly nonverbal kid. As much as it looks like Ferb might get that from Phineas already, it looks more to me like Phineas just assumes they’re on the same page and Ferb just roles with it. I’d go more in depth but a) it’s almost one in the morning and I have an 8:30 class tomorrow and b) this post is already so much longer than it needed to be, but tl;dr: This would be a great way for Heinz and Ferb to bond because it would give Heinz the chance to monologue and infodump about his best friend at the same time it gives Ferb the chance to both learn more about Perry and to talk to someone who’s going to pay attention to his own thoughts and feelings with no prompting.

#anon: so what if --#me: WRITEWRITEWRITEWRITEWRITEWRITEWRITE #im sorry i got a little carried away here #i might actually write this as a one-shot separate from the potential seattle fic just for kicks but idk #im really bad at writing ferb so i would probably attempt it with phineas if i did #anyways its late (early?) and i need to take a shower whoops bai #look i have an ask #pnf

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king-finnigan · 4 years

Text

And I Will Find You Still

This is a prompt fill (17. War AU and 37. Letter) for @yourshadow18. (sorry it took a while :( )(also it’s not specified in the fic but it’s ww2)

Uhhhh. Warnings! Major angst lmao.

***

The clock in this classroom has to be broken, Jaskier decides after looking at it for five hours. At least, it feels like five hours, but the clock in question says it’s only been thirty minutes – which could not possibly be true.

The professor’s words start to fade into the background the longer Jaskier stares at the clock, his pen tapping out every ten seconds he counts on his desk.

“-superior and inferior vena cava bring non-oxygenated blood from the rest of the body to the right atrium of the heart, through the tricuspid valve, to-“

It’s only half past nine. Just a little longer, Jaskier tells himself, just an hours and a half more until he can go to the post office around the corner.

Ten seconds pass. Tap.

“-will flow from the lungs to the left atrium, to the left ventricle through to mitral valve-“

Today is the day. The third Thursday of the month. The mail from the frontlines always arrives on the third Thursday of the month – but only after nine in the morning, no sooner. Which means he couldn’t have gotten the letter before class.

Tap.

“-aortic valve, to the aorta, which will branch out in three arteries before continuing down-“

Though, if he had gotten the letter before class, he probably wouldn’t have attended either way, too engrossed in his love’s words, in the fact that he’s still alive to care about his education. He hates the fact that he has to wait a whole month for a single letter, though, hates the fact that his love has to wait a month as well – surely they can deliver mail faster than that, right?

Tap.

Of course, he understands that it can’t be that easy to deliver mail to and from an active warzone, in Africa nonetheless, but Jaskier hates having to wait a month, hates the uncertainty of not knowing whether Geralt is alive and well for so long.

Tap.

He just wishes this war would be over, wishes his love would come home soon, wishes he could hold him in his arms again – God, how he wishes he could hold Geralt again. It’s been so long since he’s last seen him. The last time was the day before his love got drafted, about a year ago. They’d walked around Oxford, close but not too close, hands brushing but not holding. Of course, someone might see – someone might report them.

Tap.

They had ended their day by Peninsula Lake – the same place where they’d first kissed, about a year before that. By all means, it had been a perfect day, that last day, but it had been overshadowed by the knowledge that it was all going to end soon, that Geralt would leave for the war the day after. He remembers crying, that evening, remembers holding his love close, making him promise that he would come home. Geralt, of course, had promised he would.

Tap.

They had both known there was no way he could make sure he held that promise.

“-Mr. Pankratz.”

He blinks, pulled out of his musings, eyes tearing away from that traitorously slow clock to find the professor and the whole class staring at him. Oh, shit. He notices the professor is pointing to a figure drawn on the blackboard of the heart and lungs, and he figures he must’ve been asked a question.

“Uh, the pulmonary veins?”

The entire class breaks out in giggles, and he feels heat rising to his cheeks as the professor rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

“I asked you if you would stop tapping your pen, Mr. Pankratz, but thank you for your contribution to my lesson. Good to know you’re paying attention.”

He feels his blush deepen, and shrinks away in his seat, as the professor continues his class.

He looks at the clock again. Five minutes past half ten. He sighs. Still almost an hour and a half to go. He resists the urge to tap his pen on his desk for every ten seconds that pass.

---

The second the professor starts wrapping the lesson up, Jaskier hastily stuffs away his pen and paper, into his bag, slinging it over his shoulder. He nearly trips in his hurry to get up and get going, barely catching the professor’s shouts of “don’t forget the homework, Mr. Pankratz! Page 381!” behind him as he throws the door open, letting it bounce off the wall, before he starts sprinting down the hallway.

He nearly bumps into a bunch of people, ignores their calls of protests, their angry stares and inquisitive looks, as he runs through the hallways of Oxford. Finally, he reaches the nearest exit, sprinting across one of the courtyards, to the gate. He nearly trips a few times, and almost slips on the wet grass, but manages to make it to the street unscathed.

The post office is only a short walk from there, at the corner of the street, but he makes it within seconds, panting slightly as he skids to a halt, resting his hands on his knees for a short while, before pushing the door open.

The bell tinkles merrily, and Mr. Miller looks up. “Ah, Mr. Pankratz! Is it that day of the month again? Hmm, let me see, lad.”

He rummages through the neat piles of letters on his desk, as Jaskier hops from one foot to the other impatiently, hands itching to reach out and shove all the letters aside, in search of Geralt’s.

“Ah, found it!” The sentence is barely out of Mr. Miller’s mouth before Jaskier snatches the envelope from his hand.

“Thank you!” he calls over his shoulder, as he starts making his way out of the post office, though he’s stopped by Mr. Miller’s voice.

“Mr. Pankratz, sorry, don’t mean to pry, but I have to ask, after a year of giving you his letters and delivering yours to him – who is he? Your brother?”

Jaskier smiles, shaking his head, memories of stolen kisses by the lake, of leaning his head on Geralt’s shoulder as they watched the sunset, of holding each other when they were sure no one was looking, of secret glances, of the brushing of fingers, of hidden smiles, of longing and heartache and love presenting themselves to him. “Just a childhood friend, is all.”

“Must be a very good friend, then.”

Jaskier nods, turning back around, making his way out the door again. “He is.”

The bell rings again softly as he closes the door behind him. He starts walking back to the university, to his dorm, resisting the overwhelming urge to open the letter right there and then – he wants to wait, wants to be able to be alone and truly savour the moment, to really let the words soak into his skin, the scratchy ink into his soul.

But he also can’t bring himself to wait too long – as he starts walking faster and faster, eventually breaking into a run again, letter still clutched in his hand, the early spring wind whipping around his face, through his hair.

He takes the stairs two steps at a time, chest heaving by the time he reaches the third floor – but he doesn’t wait, and starts running again instead, through the hallway, to his dorm room. He’s sure he hears a “wait, what’s the hurry, Jaskier?” from one of the open doors, but he doesn’t stop, doesn’t slow down until he’s in front of his own room.

He fumbles with his keys, nearly dropping them a few times as he searches for the right one, jamming it into the lock when he finally finds it. He hears his door bounce off his bookcase when he opens it, but he doesn’t stop to assess the damage as he closes the door again, locking it behind him – he doesn’t want to be interrupted.

He drops his bag on the floor unceremoniously, heavily sitting down on his desk chair. He all but rips the envelope open, heart thumping wildly in his chest, fingers shaky, breath shallow and quick.

Finally, he takes out the sheets of thin, slightly yellowed paper, a few grains of desert sand sticking to the ink and to his skin. And at last, he lays eyes on the scratchy handwriting, on the words his love sent him two weeks ago from hundreds of miles away.

“My darling,

It’s going to be summer in a few months, I can already tell. The days are growing longer and hotter, the nights shorter and less freezing, the men more tired – I grow more tired as well.

I miss home more, now that spring is coming. I know that the tree outside your window will start to grow green soon, if it hasn’t already. I remember two summers ago, when you opened your window, and reached out to the branches, while I held onto your waist – so afraid you would fall. You picked one of the leaves from the tree, and it was bigger than your hand. Huge it was, but not as huge as the smile on your face, the triumph in your eyes, as you handed me a leaf I never asked for in the first place.

I still wonder what kind of tree it is. Whatever it is, they don’t have them here. There aren’t much trees at all, really, and barely any rain. Nothing to remind me of home, of you, except for your letters. I don’t know if I told you this yet, but I hold them close, wherever I go, and I read them every night before going to sleep. It’s come to the point where I can’t sleep if I haven’t read your letters, if I haven’t seen your handwriting, if I haven’t felt you near, at least a little bit.

They are saying we might be allowed to come home this summer, might be relieved from our duty. I hope so. It’s been well over a year, and the other men are growing tired. And so am I. I’m looking forward to the prospect of being allowed to go home. I hope the higher-ups give us a definitive answer soon.

As per your last letter, I know it’s hard to focus on getting through medical school with the war going on, with the uncertainty of me being alive eating away at you. I understand. Every day, I wonder myself, if it’s going to be my last – and I really, truly hope that if it is, you will know, and you won��t be left waiting for a letter that will never come. But I need to know you’re getting through this, I need to know you’re not failing because of me. I could never bear that thought. So please, keep going to your classes, at least for me, no matter how hard it gets.

It’s growing dark again. The nights here are so incredibly dark - it’s hard to see even a foot in front of you most of the time, until the sun starts to rise again, so I rejoice in the fact that the days are growing longer again. Though that also means they are growing hotter. But as long as I’m home for the summer, I think I can bear a lot more than I thought I could.

Either way, I miss you. I really do, and I wish for nothing more than to hold you again, to see you once more. I hope Destiny will allow me that, at least.

Yours, always,

Geralt.

P.S. I love you, and I love the songs you write. I can’t wait to hear you sing them for me.”

Jaskier sighs, and only notices he’s crying when a tear falls on the paper, smudging the ink a bit. He wipes it away as quickly as possible, desperate not to lose any of his love’s words.

He reads the letter again, and again, and again, before he looks up, out of his window, at the tree. There are small, green nubs on the branches, and he knows the leaves will start growing soon.

Home for the summer. God, how he hopes it could be true, how he hopes to be able to look forward to seeing his love again so soon. How long will it have been, by then? A year and a half? Maybe longer? Either way, any time spent apart is too long, in his mind.

Though, what would it be like? How would Geralt feel? Would he be plagued by the nightmares and the horrors of what he experienced in Africa? Would he ever find peace, or worse, would he hate the peace? Would he find Oxford too boring, and leave? Would he find Jaskier too boring, and leave? Surely, he loves him – God knows how many times he’s told Jaskier so, but would it be enough to keep him? Would Jaskier be enough?

Still, having him near again at least one more time would be enough for him – knowing his love is safe and well and happy, even if he’s not longer with him, would be enough as well.

He sighs, taking a few sheets of paper from his desk drawer, and his fountain pen.

“My darling,

Spring is already making itself known here, as well. You were right – the tree outside my window is starting to grow leaves again. I hope you will be here to hold my waist when I hang over my windowsill and pick a leaf larger than my own hand, this summer.

I long for nothing more than to see you again. Though, I know this life would be so different from Africa – almost boring, even. I do wonder if it won’t be too boring, as well. If I would be enough, still.

I know you would be enough still. More than enough. More than I deserve.

And yes, I am still going to my classes, but I can’t stop thinking about you. Can’t stop thinking about seeing you again, about the way your hair feels between my fingers, the way your eyes sparkle in the golden light of the sunset, the way you make me feel safe and loved, the way I might never see you again. I don’t think I could bear never seeing you again.

I was wondering, if you do make it back for the summer, if we could maybe head to the coast, get away for a while. I know you’re not near the coast, there, and maybe a little vacation would take your mind off things, would make sure you wouldn’t get haunted by what you’ve seen there, hopefully. Maybe we could hire a little cottage on the beach, or maybe we could rent a little boat, sail down the coast, visit different places. I would love that, really. (Though not as much as I would love seeing you again.)

As for the songs, I can’t wait to sing them for you. Maybe I will even write one especially for the coast and when we get there.

Maybe something like: The summer air by the seaside. / The way it fills our lungs. / The fire burns in the night sky. / This life will keep us young. / And we will sleep by the ocean. / Our hearts will move with the tide. / And we will wake in the morning / to see the sun paint the sky.

Or something similar. I don’t know yet. You would have to agree to head to the coast with me before I finish this song, though.

Either way, I miss you, and I hope you’re coming home soon. I wish I could hold you again, and see you safe and well in my arms. I hope Destiny will allow us that, at least.

Yours, always,

Jaskier.”

He rereads his words one last time, before taking an envelope, putting the sheets of paper in it, and closing it. He adds two stamps, before writing Geralt’s name and division on the paper.

He cradles it in his hands, before walking to the door, frowning when he can’t open it. Right. He’d locked it, so he wouldn’t be disturbed again, and, of course, he had forgotten.

He grins at his own stupidity, imagines how exasperated Geralt would’ve looked, if he had been there, and his grin falls immediately. He sighs again, longing in his heart, as he unlocks his door, walking to the post office.

Mr. Miller smiles at him, eyes kind, as he takes the letter, and Jaskier nods his thanks to the old man, before heading to his dorm again. After all – he’s got studying to do.

---

Every morning, over breakfast, he reads one of Geralt’s letters. Every evening, he does the same right before going to bed. The clock seems to tick slower and slower, each day insufferably longer than the last.

Two weeks after he sent his letter, he rejoices in the fact that Geralt must’ve gotten it by now. Every day after that, he grows more impatient as the hours pass by slowly. He hates the fact that he has to wait two weeks for a letter back, but then again, his impatience fades away as he remembers that his love might come home before the summer.

A week after that, he gets a knock on his door. He frowns, closing his anatomy book, wondering who it might be as he opens the door. He smiles broadly as he sees Geralt’s dad, standing in the hallway.

“Ah, Mr. Rivia! So good to see you!”

Geralt’s dad smiles softly. “Jaskier, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Vesemir?”

Jaskier winks. “Just a few times more, I think. What brings you here?”

Vesemir’s smile falls, and Jaskier suddenly notices the dark rings under his eyes, the slight puffiness of his cheeks. He’s been crying. Please tell me they were tears of joy.

“I got a telegram this morning. Thought you’d might want to know.”

He hands Jaskier a piece of paper, who swallows thickly, heart beating in his throat, nausea rising as he opens it with trembling fingers.

“The Air Ministry regrets to announce that your son LAC Geralt Rivia has been killed in action. Letter to follow.”

He stares at the words, barely registering in his mind, though it’s getting harder and harder to read with the way his hands are shaking, with the rain that falls from the sky, smudging the ink.

Strange, he thinks, surely there must be a leak in the roof, then.

He only realizes a few more seconds later that he’s crying. He feels a hand on his shoulder, and looks up, seeing his own disbelief and anger and hurt mirrored in Vesemir’s eyes, before he’s pulled into a tight hug.

“I know you two were very good friends. I’m sorry I had to be the bearer of bad news.”

Jaskier almost scoffs at the words, scoffs at the notion that they were just friends, that he didn’t just lose the love of his life, but he keeps his mouth shut, lets himself be hugged, waits for this moment to pass.

Although – it feels like time has slowed to a stop altogether.

He wonders if he’s going to live in this moment for the rest of his miserable life, will feel this sorrow and pain for all of eternity. Certainly fucking feels like it.

But it does pass, and Vesemir holds him at an arm’s length, smiling sadly at him one last time, before walking away.

Jaskier stays there, frozen in time, in pain, staring at the wall, numbness spreading from his chest to the tips of his fingers, until he can’t feel anything, can’t think anything – other than ‘Geralt is dead’.

Because he is. Geralt’s dead. Gone. Lost. He wonders if it had hurt, to die. He wonders what his last thought had been. He wonders if he had been on Geralt’s mind. He wonders how he even did die. Was it a plane crash? Gunfire? A bomb?

He hears his name in the distance, a hand on his shoulder, a face replacing the wall in front of him. He lets the sensations pass, like birds in the sky, like planes flying by – gone before he can register them, gone before he’s even aware they’re there, high and distant and fleeting.

He turns around, finding his muscles working on their own accord, and he locks the door behind him. He sits down on his bed, then lays down. He knows the tree on the other side of the window has started to grow leaves, he knows they’ll become bigger over time. He knows there’ll be no one to hold him by his waist as he hangs out his window, come the summer, to pick a leaf larger than his hand. He knows there’ll be no one to give it to.

Slowly, but surely, the numbness starts making way for a void, for oblivion, into which he lets all his thoughts, all his feeling fall, watches them disappear over the edge, before he steps into it himself.

He lays there, staring at the wall, barely aware of his own body, of his next-door neighbour knocking on his door, asking him if he’s okay, of the slow but sure passage of time – each second marking another eternity without his love.

---

He lays there for a few days, only getting up when someone calls campus security, who use a spare key to open his door – then threaten to call the mental hospital if he’s just going to lay there and starve himself. They tell him he should get up, eat, drink, stuff like that.

So he does – he gets up halfway through the morning, eats some bread, drinks some water, then sits at his desk the rest of the day, watching the leaves grow ever larger on the tree outside his window. By nightfall, he crawls back into bed. He ignores the knocks on his door, ignores the curious and worried voices of his classmates asking him why he hasn’t gone to class all week. He’s pretty sure one or two professors stop by as well, but he ignores them just the same.

He just sits there all day, at his desk, watching the seasons change, the oblivion in his chest growing with the leaves on the tree, as he waits for a summer he’ll have to spend alone.

---

Two weeks after that fatal day, there’s another knock on his door. He ignores this one as well, staring at the tree, mind blank, his bleeding heart in his lap, for the entire world to see.

Another knock. Then: “Mr. Pankratz?”

He blinks, ignoring the slightly familiar voice, his tired mind occupied with breathing in, breathing out, breathing in, blinking, breathing out. And repeat.

“Mr. Pankratz? It’s Mr. Miller, from the post office, remember?” A few seconds of silence. Breathe in. Breathe out. Blink. “Uh. You got a letter last week, as usual, but you didn’t come to pick it up, so I thought I’d just give it to you.” Silence. Breathe in. Breathe out. Blink. “Right, so I’ll just…” The slight woosh of paper on wood. “Here you go. Uh. Hope you’re doing alright. Bye.”

Footsteps walking away. Breathe in. Breathe out. Blink.

Slowly but surely, the words start registering in his mind. A letter. Got it last week, as usual.

Which can only mean one thing.

Geralt.

Except he’s still dead. He probably sent the letter about a week before he died – letters from the front take two weeks to deliver, after all. So a letter from a dead man – words he’ll never get to hear from his love out loud.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Blink. He considers throwing it in the trash. He considers shredding it up. He considers burning it, letting the flames consume it and him and the rest of this world until there’s nothing left but ashes.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Blink. He gets up, slowly, turning around. His eyes fall on the slightly yellowed envelope next to the door, on the scratchy ink and familiar handwriting and the bleeding heart that’s fallen from his lap, lying at his feet, waiting to be trampled.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Blink. He’s suddenly holding the letter, already sitting at his desk. He doesn’t remember the past five minutes. He all but tears the envelope open, taking out sheets of slightly yellowed paper, desert sand sticking to the ink and to his skin.

His hands start to tremble, his eyes start to tear up. He forgets to blink, as he folds the paper open.

“My darling,

I know it might seem unlikely that I’ll be the same when I come home – impossible, even. And I know you won’t be, either. But I also know that it won’t drive us apart. Trust me, you will never be unloved by me. You are too well-tangled in my soul.

As for the coast, I would love that. Maybe we can take a whole month off for it, even, just the two of us, by the ocean. When I close my eyes I can already imagine the breeze in my hair, the sand between my toes, my hand in yours. It’s a small piece of heaven I carry with me, for now – until I get back.

As for that: they gave us a definitive answer. I’m coming home for the summer.

I’m not exactly sure when we’re going to be leaving, but I heard the others talk about one more mission before they’re letting us go. I should be home within two months, at most, though it’s hard to pinpoint an exact date. After all, who knows how long the mission will take, or how long it will be until we can catch the next plane out of here, or where we’ll be landing, back home – and how long it will take me to make my way over to you.

Either way, I am coming home, I will see you again, so very soon.

But don’t worry about me. Please don’t, love. Don’t worry about meeting me at the airport, don’t worry about running into my arms like in the movies and books. Don’t worry about me.

You just have to wait for me to knock on your door. Because the second I’ve landed in England, I’ll find a way to Oxford, and I’ll come to you as fast as I can. You just have to wait for me because, no matter how much time we’ve spent apart, no matter how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other, I love you now and forever. And I will find you still.

Until soon. Yours, always,

Geralt.”

***

Credit where credit’s due!

Title from “Letter To My Wife” by Miklós Radnóti Song lyrics from “Coastline” by the Hollow Coves Quote “you will never be unloved by me, you are too well-tangled in my soul” from the poet Atticus I’m pretty sure there are some Amazing Devil lyrics in there as well

#squish answers #drabble #ask game #geraskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #angst #historical au #gerlion #geralt x jaskier #war au #i apologize for nothing

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